#posting this at 1 am idgaf

[maxieeex3]

look at my partner dawg i’m going to jail 😭🙏

[ogatasguiltyconscience]

I think ogata was wrong about yuusaku being the “only” one who ever loved him. I think he was just the only one who would love him regardless of who he was. Ogata’s mother loved him, but her love was partially dependent who his father was. He was the literal lovechild of a man who no longer loves her. How could she not be reminded of that every time she looked at her son’s face? She wanted someone back in her life that was never going to look back. So ogata internalized that if you loved someone, you’d never ever let them go. And he mercifully let her go. He couldnt stand the man who felt the love that Ogata deserved, so he never ever let him go. When that guilt karmically came back to him, hanazawa yuusaku mercifully let him go. “Brother,” he said with that same smile.

“You were born blessed.”

[rotisseries]

been listening to nettles a lot

[venganza-2009]

#IRebukeAllBaldGerardANDBleachedHairConspiracies. Love you #BROWNMOUSEHAIR

[itzphynix]

Sona art I bashed out for a new pfp, + some progress shots & a closer look at the simple background.

[wormphan]

time machine meet up!!!!!

me in 2012 (16) vs my most recent selfies (28 this month)

2012 when i first started watching dnp and i was a closeted baby gay (the red raybans plz) vs 2024 being out and as happy as i can be lesbian (ft my lesbian jumper) 🩷🧡🤍

sooooo much has changed in my life during these past 12 years like wow i actually can’t believe i was 16 and in high school once it feels so far away and i feel so disconnected from the person i used to be it feels like it was a Whole other life as whole different person. Shout out to dan and phil for helping me get through it all and being a constant in my life for such a long time. i like to think teen me would be happy to see who i am today 💜

i usually hate to be perceived (especially my 2012 self 💀) but seeing you guys glow ups inspired me 🫶🏼🖤

[cobraonthecob]

maybe i should be a ferrari supporter this week so that i don´t have to feel pain about being a yuki supporter during monza

[lackadaisical-lesbian]

Nothing worse than when somebody receives your number from somebody else

[lqfiles]

PAY THE PRICE — smau

after getting evicted out of your old place, you're left with no other choice but to look for a cheaper alternative. which is how you end up becoming neighbours with lee haechan, who has a passion for music and disturbing whatever peace and quiet there is.

or in which you found yourself a very nice apartment, the only issue? your neighbour is your friend's somewhat ex-situationship who won't stop playing his guitar at 2 am in the night.

neighbour!haechan x fem!reader

genre ; enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, probably slow burn, humour, neighbours au.

extras ; haechan is kinda an asshole | boy next door + likes everyone but you trope-ish | profanity and death jokes because they’re silly! | probably romantic tension | some mark x reader here and there | renjun and jaemin having their own e2bffs moment | probably inaccurate depiction of how someone would get evicted pls don’t shoot me 😅

notes ; i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan i love haechan <333 idk i got nothing better to do now so i’ll just start this because i know i won’t be posting any of the other long fic wips any time soon 😭

PLAYLIST ; She , Tyler The Creator — For The Night , Chloe Bailey — IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU , Bktherula — Surprise , Chloe Bailey — I Wanna Be down , Brandy — Suite Life , FLO — Is It A Crime? , No Guidnce — Round&Round , NCT U .

STATUS ; completed! (18.02.25)

profiles (1) profiles (2)

intro

1 ) jaehyun’s trophy wife

2 ) free cookies (not really)

3 ) midnight disturbance

4 ) attempted murder?

5 ) THIS IS FAMILY

6 ) haechan’s second identity

7 ) kiss buddies and useless complaints

8 ) critically acclaimed idgaf veteran

9 ) founders keepers..?

10 ) yangyang’s new interest (y/n)

11 ) a late welcome party

12 ) invest in a cage jaemin

13 ) cat fight (REAL)

14 ) the cure to a lack of sleep = cup pong

15 ) who said quiet guys can’t be freaky?

16 ) you got a girlfriend?

17 ) i DO have a girlfriend

18 ) this is life, i love life..

19 ) nah. they fucking.

20 ) let’s play apex?

21 ) whole house mad

22 ) drunken regrets

23 ) he’s got to be fucking with me..

24 ) a sincere apology letter (kinda)

25 ) are we cool or not?

26 ) we’re good (for real)

27 ) a personal guitar lesson

28 ) LIVE TWEETING YNHAE MOMENTS

29 ) a moment of vulnerability

30 ) friendly q&a between friends

31 ) that’s strange.. that’s weird..

32 ) solution to job loss = family guy (???)

33 ) what has jaehyun done for society?

34 ) ynhae bonding activity hours

35 ) an unwanted double date with yangyang

36 ) an overwhelming realisation

37 ) the universe can kill itself

38 ) a “what are we” conversation

39 ) i got that hair too, kinda

40 ) reviewing haechan’s tweet and new issues

41 ) diagnosed with the crush disease

42 ) putting your satisfaction first

43 ) some girl talk with mark.. this diva..

44 ) girls day gone WRONG

45 ) homies before hoemies

46 ) #BringBackGenderNorms2024

47 ) no one but us

48 ) the words of the DEVIL

49 ) remove the fake from life

50 ) y/n and jaemin would’ve loved this

51 ) you’re a queen and he’s just.. there

52 ) we are sooooo fixing this

53 ) spiritual connection attempts

54 ) satanic mind manipulation

55 ) cucklord

56 ) when you kinda gaf

57 ) when you been thuggin it out for so long

58 ) a second try

59 ) be careful who you call OOMF

60 ) the paid price

BONUS:

TBA . . .

TAGLIST is closed

[spacegyaru]

DON'T LOOK AT IT! PT. 3

your phone got lost for some reasons. the following day, the sex tape you made with your boyfriend (rin, isagi, chigiri) was all around the internet. how would they react?

cw: r18+, mdni! mentions of sex tape and implied sex. humiliation. mirror sex on chigiri’s part + angst. somewhat angst and comfort. a little bit toxic from rin’s part!

a/n: this is the last part!! unfortunately, i don’t have that much energy to continue this series further and might start writing for another idea 😭🥺i hope u guys understand!!

masterlist | part 1 (shidou, kaiser, bachira, & sae) | part 2 (reo, nagi, hiyori, otoya, and yukimiya)

rin itoshi:

sorry to tell you guys, but his gf has to be a little bratty and naughty enough to provoke him into making a sex tape. i imagine him doing it out of jealousy, he wanna make you moan his name loud while he takes you all-fours and biting your neck a little bit. all after seeing how isagi was being a little bit too friendly towards you.

and that's exactly what people saw on the video. you remember your phone being pickpocketed while you were out for a shopping. when it got lost, rin scolded you a little bit, and reminding you of the video you guys made. you were the one who insisted that he shouldn’t think too much cuz ya boi was overthinking. but his hunches and gut feeling prevailed. the next few days, your name was all over the news.

rin’s team worked on the damage control. he was hesitant to post a public apology, but he did anyways. unlike his brother who has a ‘idgaf’ attitude, rin cares a lot; he cares a lot about his image and your image too. it’s just plainly embarrassing for him.

when you started isolating yourself due to the humiliation you were going thru, rin tried to comfort you.he was never good with words and may have appeared harsh the way he said it, but you knew what he truly meant. you gave him a hug and a kiss due to his attempt to comfort you.

“babe, i know how much you hated it whenever i say ‘i told you so’ so i’ll try not to make you feel worse. but try not to worry about what other people say. don’t check your phone too much. it doesn't matter what they think. what matters most is what we think of each other .”

yoichi isagi:

fuck, even i am wondering. how did this guy have a sex tape? well, it was your idea, but you didn’t think that your bf, isagi, would be super into it. both of you ended up making two-three sex tapes together. at first, it was embarrassing for him. but then once he’s inside you, he gets all pussy drunk and hell breaks. all that can be heard in the background was the loud bed creaks, along with your moans and his groans. your legs are all over the place, while he held your thighs. the lights were a bit dim, but both of your faces were visible.

the following week, you lost your phone while you were sightseeing all alone. you didn’t think that much of it. but the following day, that very same video you created with isagi, was all over the internet. both of your names were mentioned in twitter and apparently, he was placed in trending.

although isagi was very much embarrassed by what happened, he never blamed you for it. he asked his team to focus on the damage control while he released a public apology, addressing what happened. he explained that you lost your phone while on a trip, and are now taking the proper measures to track whoever did spread the video. isagi couldn’t stop apologizing. everyone knew how harsh he speaks whenever he’s at football matches but this time, he seemed like a dorky apologetic machine.

when isagi realized how humiliated you seemed to be, he immediately prepared a romantic dinner for the both of you, buying some wine and steak for the both of you to enjoy. he also bought a bouquet of flowers for you. then he rented a private ship for the both of you, so you could spend time together and get things off your head for a while.

“love, you don’t have to blamed yourself for what happened, you know? sometimes, there are just things that are out of our control and this happens to be one of them. let’s get this off your mind for now, okay?”

hyoma chigiri:

okay so if you wanna do anything new with this guy, you should initiate it because he’s very much of a vanilla. that’s how you ended up having a sex tape with him. the crazy thing is, he was the one holding the camera. you were riding him in a cowgirl position, your ass was bouncing as you went up and down on him. your room was surrounded by mirrors, so chigiri was recording your reflection. his hands were shaking as he was feeling too much pleasure from your pussy. so far, he was able to record almost everything, but he ended up dropping the phone when he orgasmed.

one day, you lost your phone after a long day at work, but then again, you didn’t think anything of it. you just thought of buying a new one instead. but then few days later, you suddenly see your boyfriend’s name on twitter’s trending. when you clicked the link, that exact mirror sex videos were all over the internet. you just sighed upon seeing those. you never expected them to reach online but here they are.

given the situation, you didn’t even have that much space to comfort yourself because you just saw how down and embarrassed your boyfriend looked. he was able to release a public statement, and his pr team did the damage control. but he was so affected by people’s comments about his masculinity. well, the question about this didn’t really matter to him, but what affected him the most is how people would say how ‘hot’ you are and that you deserve someone more dominating and masculine. he was more affected on what people say about you, rather than what people say about him.

so your night with him ended up being a comfort-fest. both of you lay on the bed with hands holding together while you reassure him that what other people said isn’t true. that you only need him to satisfy you and no one else. you thought your night would be sweet and peaceful. until your small cuddle moment turned into a heated making-out session with chigiri hovering on top of you.

“babe, i love how hot you are whenever you're on top of me. i love how your body bounces and tell me how you make me feel good. but what about let me do the work tonight? i'll let you feel every part of me while i dominate you.”

[verstapwn]

「 SUMMARY 」 — Red Bull's rich girl & Red Bull's golden boy are dating and everyones surprised.

「 PAIRINGS 」 — max verstappen x nepo baby!reader

「 WARNINGS 」 — suggestive, lestappen sex jokes lol, checo slander?.

「 AUTHOR'S NOTE 」 — y/n the founder of idgafstan. of course the title comes from one of my favorite frank ocean songs, super rich kids. y/n's dad is like the Lawrence stroll in this au, so she's a nepo baby (not a driver).

liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing, and 991,531 others! yourusername we don't talk about my boyfriends thighs enough. ＠maxverstappen1

view comments

maxverstappen1 MARK L/N IF YOU SEE THIS, THAT WASN'T THE IMAGE / CAPTION WE AGREED ON.. DON'T FIRE ME PLEASE

➥ yourusername BOOO. 🍅🍅 VERTHIGHS SUPREMACY ➥ redbullracing Y/n.. - Mark L/N ➥ yourusername get an actual instagram you old geezer (love you dad)

user loser trapped in a hot girls body

user THESE PHOTOS OF YOUU >>>

user its always vertiddies... but never verthighs </3

➥ yourusername YOU GET IT!! ➥ maxverstapen1 stop obsessing over my thighs. ➥ yourusername you didn't tell me that last night 🤨 ➥ maxverstappen1 Y/NLSMLASJO

user y/n putting her boyfriends job on the line is so funny to me especially when you remember her dad is his boss

➥ user winning the idgaf war fr ➥ user founding mother of idgafstan even

user this is a random combo but not a rando combo but also.. a random combo

user whole time people were shipping her with ethan cutkosky for her to be dating max.. insanity

charles_leclerc ignoring the caption.. and the max photo, you guys are cute! ❤️

➥ yourusername be honest, do yall explore each others bodies after races ➥ charles_leclerc blocked and reported. (NO WE DONT)

landonorris still can't believe i wasn't the first to know about this relationship.. i thought we were friends y/n💔

➥ yourusername i'll give you $3,000 to shut up already ➥ landonorris deal, cash app it to me

redbullracing we don't talk about YOU enough.

➥ redbullracing shit wrong account, don't fire me christian.. or mark. pls. ➥ yourusername I GOT YOUR BACK ADMIN #TRUST. 🫡

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 1,326,493 others! maxverstappen1 My girlfriend everyone.. <3 ＠yourusername

view comments

yourusername no fun caption :( i am wounded </3

➥ maxverstappen1 sorry schatz.. i actually like my job to keep it! ➥ yourusername no worries, i'll just post our messages :) ➥ maxverstappen1 Y/N PLEASE NO ➥ user what are these messages...???? HELLO??

user again, loser inside a hot body

user shes so gorgeous sobs

➥ maxverstappen1 I KNOW RIGHT

user idk if i wanna be her or max...

user my favorite nepo baby couple

yourusername WAIT HOLD ON HOW DID THIS GET 1M LIKES BUT MINE GOT LIKE 900K? NAH GIMME MY LIKES BRO.

➥ charles_leclerc you're not as cool as max 🫵🏻 ➥ yourusername oh so you doing the bending?? ➥ charles_leclerc WHAT???

user THE MACBOOK PHOTO ARGHH

user i'm so glad you two ended up together. even though no one was expecting it.

landonorris blink if you're being held captive by this woman

➥ maxverstappen1 😑😐😑.... ➥ yourusername ur fired. ➥ maxverstappen1 You can't fire me, I'm afraid ! ➥ yourusername you're right.. ＠redbullracing dad, fire this man ➥ redbullracing Unless you're able to find us another driver, No. - Mark & Christian ➥ yourusername CHRISTIAN YOU HAVE AN INSTAGRAM.

user can't wait for the verstappen-l/n family photos

user i say we make y/n the red bull formula 1 team principal

➥ yourusername bad idea cus i'd sabotage sergio too much (allegedly) :/ ➥ schecoperez Oh. ➥ yourusername my bad fam, free dinner spot at my house ig

yourusername hey you're pretty cool, we should like make out in my room or whatever

➥ maxverstappen1 Yeah sure or whatever c'mere gorgeous ➥ user i love you guys sm, pls don't die on friday 💔 ➥ yourusername .. are you the killer?? WHATS GOING ON FRIDAY?? ➥ maxverstappen1 ??? HELLO

yourusername show the verthighs

➥ maxverstappen1 You don't give up do you? ➥ yourusername no and you love it! 😁 ➥ maaxverstappen1 yeah i do 💙

welcome to my first fic! i hope you enjoyed everything :) <3 the faceclaim i used for 'y/n' is meret manon bannerman from katseye! she's gorg. not much i have to say tbh. see you in the next fic —— DELIA.

[shiftinghoesblog]

Why I refuse to date in this reality

1. Men - do I even need to explain? Oh my goodness

2. Lack of loyalty within this generation - I lost hope all together

3. Cheating - This reality has proven to me time and time again that no matter how scrumptious you are looking from the inside too, you will still get betrayed

4. Social Media - Killed romance, enough said

5. My DRs/WR s/os - They for real could never and I mean it idgaf, why should I even waste my time with people from this reality when they're not worth a darn penny lmao

6. I don't see myself getting married and having kids later down the line in this reality, it's very rare for me to change my mind on that, especially in this economy

7. The WizardLiz got screwed over while being pregnant.... is true love even real here?

8. I am queer and I can't wait to express that in another reality when I have respawned/permashifted freely without any judgement by being 100% out and not closeted because of this reality

9. Never was the first choice like ever, there was always someone else for fucks sake

10. By the things that I've seen, me being single and focusing on my self growth seems much better and peaceful here

11. Where the fuck has the yearning gone??

12. I am not chasing. It's either you're obsessed with me and worship the ground I walk on or go do one

13. I have a whole wonderful beloved wife back in my home/waiting room reality, why would I ever settle for medicore men here?? GIRLLL

14. If this post ruffled your feathers, it will not be my problem when you get manipulated! I warned you anyways

15. My bad, I had to get this rant out today because I am literally so disappointed in this reality and could go on and on forever about this problem in this reality, especially the love aspect of it 🤞🏾 and if you don't agree (🤨) respect my opinion

[sharp-silver4795]

🍉🇵🇸

All I have to say right now is:

(1) I have a blog just for Palestine fundraisers and families who need help. If you send me an ask and it looks like I’m “ignoring” it, I am not.

(2) PLEASE look at that blog.

Idgaf if you don’t follow or like or anything. If you choose to unfollow me here but you at least look at those posts!!

To me, that blog is NOT about popularity. It is about getting messages out there.

But that’s not how social media works. In order for posts to be seen they have to be popular.

So, please- not for me, but for these people- get this out there.

If you can, reblog some of the posts (although I wish it could be all of them)

It would be 1000x better if you can donate to some of these!! Even 5 of your local currency can be life changing and saving.

(3) If not mine, somewhere else

Like I said, this is not about popularity. I want people to see their suffering and HELP THEM.

If there is another blog you know of, or you run across someone’s campaign, it will not hurt you to reblog it at the very least.

[nicoleshifting]

what has helped me recently with shifting

I was reflecting some today while talking to my best friend about shifting and all the downloads I have gotten recently, wondering what exactly has changed for me to suddenly getting all these downloads and having so much more success in shifting than I probably have ever in the last four-ish years of me being on this shifting journey. and it all boils down to this: my intent, my focus, and my renewed motivation for actually, truly shifting.

I had made a post on january 1st on tiktok talking about how I am absolutely and completely locking in with shifting this year, and how I had recently come to the realization that I have been nonstop resisting shifting since the beginning and have probably never once been actually consistent with it, as well.

I realized all of this, and learning from my past misguided steps, I shifted to my waiting room within three days and have also received six separate memory downloads from my twd dr (all received during a meditative state while intending to shift to my dr). truly never in the time I have spent wanting and trying to shift have I had so much happen. and why now? well.. because I am actually for once being consistent, actually putting in effort, and not treating shifting like a chore, or simultaneously, something I am deep down resisting.

at the core, this is what I have changed/done recently that I think is really helping me finally get this shit done!!

1. focusing on my dr/myself in my dr and NOT the act of shifting. gone are the days of me robotically affirming "I am shifting, I am in my DR, I have shifted." girl okay??? why are we doing all that.

2. again, focus. I have been making it an active goal of every shifting attempt to keep my focus on my dr and thinking about myself there, memories, scenarios, etc, and not letting my thoughts wander. if they do wander, which is completely natural especially if your brain is not used to keeping a sharp, single minded focus on something, I instantly reel it back. this has helped me TREMENDOUSLY.

3. letting myself get as relaxed as possible using meditations prior to doing anything shifting related. (I truly believe allowing myself to get into a deep meditative state is what has allowed me to have so many downloads recently). I am not focused on if I am in a good mood or not, as that does not determine if I shift or not. forced positivity does nobody any good, and truly idgaf if I feel miserable and depressed, how would that prevent me from shifting... it won't!

anyways, just thought I would share what has been helping me personally! go shift <3

[slyrust]

HEY BAKUGO!

Katsukibakugo x reader!

a SMAU!!

PT. 1- wrong number.

———————————————

you just recently got a new phone and enrolled in UA high, making friends, following your dreams.. and getting your friend mina’s phone number!.. but you get the love of your life instead an unexpected surprise.

the anonymous person leaves you on read, hm. I wonder who it is.

you flip over on your side and deeply exhale. you reread the sticky note mina gave you containing “her number” how embarrassing.

you type in what seems to be the actual number and text her all about what happened..

should i respond..? nah.. too dry. how come he doesn’t have an ounce of curiosity about who I am.

you text mina again, panicking.

to be continued…

UMMM FIRST POST ON HERE BUT IDGAF IF JT GETS FAMOUS COZ ITS FOR MY BEST FRIEND @lovesickbugz :))

[starlightswordfight]

everyone needs their really specific headcanon over their randomly selected character that gets like two lines total and this is mine. delicious in dungeon more like DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER (I get hit by a car)

holm kranom DID essay post incoming right now EVERYONE is getting GLIMPSES into MY BEAUTIFUL MIND. it's also REALLY long that's my bad I have Favorite Character Disease. get ready

ALRIGHT !! my telekinesis throws everyone against the wall

so this party just dies, right. cannot stop dying. allergic to victory all they do is lose. so they attempt to go back up to the surface after arguing a little with kabru about it, the corpse retrievers try to turn them all against each other, everybody looks like different kinds of mermen because of illusion magic, that is the part of the story I'm talking about below okay YAY

SO I NOTICED. A GOOD FEW THINGS IN THIS SCENE. went back to the manga to make sure it wasn't me like ... overthinking it, but I really don't think it is

this panel ALONE gives a lot of things to work with:

1) kabru is very obviously a super perceptive person. it's interesting to me fascinating even that the most glaring observation he can make about holm is that he freezes under stress. he does it frequently enough for it to be considered noteworthy

2) the anime also doesn't say this verbatim but here it is SPECIFICALLY described as him being "dazed". it is not just freezing up like when you're surprised, it is dissociation. and this is apparently happening with holm all the damn time

3) the sea creature his illusion was modeled after is a cuttlefish. and that stands out a lot to me

cuttlefish are known for "freezing out" predators, and for camouflage. the type of camouflage you would inherently be doing if you had a covert disorder like DID. the entire point is that you are not supposed to find out about it unless you really go looking

it is a covert disorder that you either discover long after the fact, or in some cases, never. and that could so nicely parallel the fact that cuttlefish, despite being so good at color matching to blend in to their environments, are colorblind

^ (cuttlefish are also remarked by some as "chameleons of the sea" and his name in old english means "sea" or something similar iirc. something something chameleon of the self. something something blending in as one person, the constant looming feeling that you're pretending to be yourself, other alters imitating the host SEE MY VISION NOW)

and also they have THREE HEARTS?? OKAY MAN

still on this scene listen I AM onto something just bear w me. in this same part the accessories or weapons of some of the party members are visible, and you can see that they weren't transformed into other fish/marine life!

like kuro's sword! and rin's staff!

they were not altered extensively by the illusion, just enough to look slightly different. and clothing wasn't considered an issue at all, and would just not impact anyone else's "forms" altogether!

this does not apply to holm.

the hat is a completely different animal.

not much reason the illusion would only do something like that for holm, I feel like. even if I'm reading into it too much (I know I am and idgaf), the fact that holm is made two sea creatures while everyone else stays one is a detail I can't let go of

furthermore: consider the stress responses! and how these specific animals will defend themselves! the cuttlefish freezes when threatened. a jellyfish will sting on contact. do you see where I'm going with this

this also is more speculation than anything else, but I think it'd make a lot of sense if him being religious (though we don't ever figure out WHAT specifically, my personal interpretation is whatever this world's equivalent of Judaism is but anything goes) had something to do with being a healer. and his magic practices. and even if not, in most religions, from what I understand, harming others -- particularly killing others -- is the worst thing you could ever fucking do. right

but AFTER the illusion spell wears off -- which, again, he was frozen for the entire time. just Standing There. -- and kabru fakes out then kills the corpse retrievers? ALL holm says is "yeah, that makes more sense". not particularly happy, but not upset at all, either. unbothered

and that is baffling to hear from a healer, particularly a religious healer. the dungeon plays by different rules sure but it feels like he should have had more qualms with that, but he just. doesn't? something is happening here. I don't think it's just hypocrisy that would be too easy. there's something more going on

EXPANDING on that: he can be. super judgemental ?? despite how otherwise gentle he is. it feels jarring. can you be normal

like this part right here?? him just SAYING this about mickbell?? and like yeah he was right but his reasoning was based on NOTHING. just Intuition. "this is correct Because I Just Know"

the way daya goes "holm." made me giggle to be honest. but it could still be important!! she says this like she's had to say it before, like he's Done This Before Multiple Times

oh oh and and AND. in the anime his word choice is different, somehow harsher ("I bet he's working the poor thing to the bone for peanuts") and his voice changes entirely, in tone, in pitch, in cadence.

I understand that acting ooc on its own doesn't mean anything, but I also had to rewind this part initially because I wasn't actively watching and didn't recognize the voice!! here he doesn't speak softly like holm normally does, at all. like he's quiet, still, but it's not the same. almost like he isn't holm. a jellyfish will sting when threatened

OH AND THIS PART. THE PROTECTIVE SPELL THAT RIN LOOKED OVER

it makes absolute sense that that's her specialty and not anybody else's, and that she would know the most about this particular kind of spell! so true rin I LOVE you rin

but a cleric -- a healer who has also been seen resurrecting people in this series -- has absolutely no reason not to know at least a little bit about this sort of thing

in the anime he says it's just not his area of expertise. okay sure, fine, I'll take that. the manga?

"I don't really know much."

fuck you mean you don't know much?? at ALL???? mf yes you do???????

I can't do this "yeah I know that I, as someone who Is A Cleric and Revives People In Dungeons, would have to understand how ghosts function In Those Dungeons to be able to do my job at all. I DON'T know anything about this spell warding off ghosts though. in fact I could not even estimate" SO TRUE HOLM I BELIEVE YOU

like I understand that it's not EXACTLY the same. and obviously it's not like a huge deal. but I have a really hard time believing that someone who also knows enough about ancient magic to have been arrested for it can't look at a simple defensive spell and take a wild guess

this is also the exact same group interaction where he says that shit about mickbell. and his voice kind of slips. and he can still think harsh things sometimes but I think this might be the only time he actually voices that thought. which is notable to me (since in other situations, like judging kabru for eating harpy eggs, he doesn't say what he's thinking. but there not only does holm talk, he doesn't even bother trying to sound how he usually speaks)

in this entire sequence of events we get:

– a healer who knows all about resurrection and healing but apparently nothing about protective spells? particularly protective spells against ghosts (despite again his whole thing being HEALING AND REVIVAL MAGIC which would HAVE to be a little knowledgeable on that so he was just fucking lying maybe)

– an abrupt compete shift in character that happens for about one second and then we never see that again

– this behavior taking place directly after a life threatening experience, which he had stood dead still for the entire time. the illusion had presented the image of a separate animal from a separate phylum attached to his person, specifically attached to his HEAD

– and when he's talking again suddenly he doesn't care one way or the other if kabru permanently kills someone, suddenly he's clueless on defensive magic, suddenly he's reading mickbell in bad faith, suddenly he's eating meat despite being vegetarian for religious reasons (if you choose to take that as anything other than an animation error) (because it IS an animation error 100%)

that was somebody else. like that just was not holm. in my eyes this is whoever the jellyfish could potentially represent, and they were just Standing There during the illusion shenanigans before this scene because they were switching

then considering his quiet demeanor, and his tired face (which when you look at the designs for all the characters as other races via changeling spores, that tired look FOLLOWS holm. it is not just because he's a gnome, that is how he emotes). like

okay man. he's had maybe two hours of sleep in the last nine hundred years

regardless of the scenario he is way too calm. being that serene AND just locking up when you're taken off guard ?? could very well be connected. for someone who looks so calm he sure does get overwhelmed very weirdly quickly

and despite that tired look to him, holm is observant. very observant. he can engage with kabru's theorizing enough to argue back, strongly, easily. there is a back and forth with holm between noticing even the smallest details and then not engaging with anything around him whatsoever

and I already talked about how out of nowhere it felt to see him get so harsh, but building on that: him seeming ... a lot less indifferent (and more worried) than he tries to sound? he can be really mean when he wants to be. making a lot of fast judgements, but most if not all of them seem related to whether or not he can trust these people. "I bet mickbell is taking full advantage of kuro", "kabru would do anything to gain somebody's trust/yeah I completely expected him to backstab the corpse retrievers", these are people he WORKS with. their LIVES are all in each other's hands and this is where his mind is

reminiscent of hypervigilance, almost. the constant back and forth you'll see in dissociative disorders like this one between painful awareness and just completely shutting down. never really knowing who to trust so you're wary of everyone, but end up associating with those people anyway out of necessity. so you're always on guard, even if you care for these people, because you've never been given a reason not to be

we don't hear anything about his parents. zero. nothing. we know he has a sister that he's on rocky terms with, for reasons we don't get to hear. we know he's been imprisoned before in the west for his studies of ancient spirit magic for Lord knows how long (like what do you MEAN you were fucking imprisoned for ancient magic?? and you got OUT?? what are you DOING??)

and we know (because holm is 76 and the maturity age for gnomes is like 40) that all things considered he was very young when all of that went down. and people do not just gravitate towards ancient magic for no reason, especially not young people. and that's ... it! that's it?

it's such a patchy backstory in terms of missing so many key details. everyone else's in his party seems mostly consistent (as in there's at least a linear story, somewhere, anywhere) but his is bits and pieces. from holm there is just ... nothing? I'm supposed to believe that he's just Also There? something is deeply wrong

with dissociative disorders (and trauma-based ones) your memory will just be god awful. important years and times will just be blocked out, or fuzzy at absolute best. recollection is choppy, inconsistent. it is very very common for bits and pieces of childhood to be remembered and absolutely nothing else, if you even get those snippets at all

he isn't very personal or talkative, but there are characters who aren't talkative (daya as one example) that we as the audience still learn the lore for. not him! he's just Here for like No Reason, as far as we can tell, and the complete lack of linear backstory so sincerely could be a matter of not remembering anything. or not being able to think about it for too long. forcible switch out every time he tries

my Proposed Theory: he is not the party's Resident Normal, there is no Resident Normal, he just blocked all that shit out. he freezes when overwhelmed as is, already, CANONICALLY, I don't see why that wouldn't bleed into this too. I could easily see him trying to share personal things like the others do then just blanking immediately

"-- so that's how the mana absorption works with undines :]"

"so true holm. why don't you tell me more about yourself"

" "

"okay"

and this last part is not even an attempt at justifying any of this it's just a reason I'm so attached. I adore the idea of a character being a system and also being a healer. and being softer. and being gentle.

not only do characters w DID very often get exaggerated to extreme degrees and completely ignore the covert part, but I'm tired of the only systems we see in media being overall violent. or having one designated violent alter for the sake of scaring the neurotypicals since we are seen as our own subgenre of horror. I want to see a character who's calm and careful have this disorder for once. for once

always "serial killer with DID" this, "violent outbursts from person with DID" that, how about healer with DID. system in the party that brings people back to life. system that is careful and gentle and values safety. system that loves other people and loves when people Live And Are Cared For and is NOT a murderer waiting to happen good Lord the bar is low

this specific headcanon means a lot to me because I feel like this being what's going on with him could hold weight. it is possible. I have more but I don't want to write for way too long and that one is more speculation than canon. people with good childhoods don't stand like that

TL/DR this character is fucked up. in my heart. I know what he is. peace on planet earth

also I'm giving him two (2) alters as a treat and their names are llewellyn and dorset (NOT A TREAT) (THIS IS REALLY BAD ACTUALLY)