#previously posted but I decided to queue it instead

[mintjuliee]

Prototype of the Kataang bracelets I'm working on for my Kofi shop. Should have some listed somewhat soon.

[best-non-english-word-torunament]

Word of the week rules and submissions!

What is this?

This is no longer a tournament as that takes too much time and admin. We have also already decided that многоꙮчитїй/ mnogoočitii from Old church slavonian is the best word, so no need to do that again. Instead, I will use this blog to highlight a word (or a couple of words) every week (or other time period if the queue runs out) from languages which aren't English. This will be based on reader submissions with me editing for clarity and adding a blurb about the language, much like in the tournament.

In short, tell me about your favourite words! Let's all learn something new! (My favourite phase of the tournament was definitely research/round one)

Who are you?

I'm a linguistics student and language nerd from Sweden who decided to run a tournament of non-English words because I wanted to highlight language diversity. My native language isn't English, so please be kind if my posts are worded weirdly sometimes (or my username is misspelled lol)

What makes a word good?

There are many ways that a word can be good, but here are some examples: it sounds good/feels good to say, the script looks nice, it denotes an interesting concept, it denotes a concept you like, it does something interesting grammarwise, usagewise or soundwise, it's funny, it's an interesting/fun compound, it has an interesting/fun etymology, it just has good vibes... The possibilities are endless

Rules:

No words in English, but loanwords from English are allowed with good motivation

No conlangs (I love them but the focus is on natural language)

Words from signed languages are allowed and encouraged as long as you can provide an explanatory picture or film for the sign

Words from pidgins are allowed

Words from extinct languages are allowed

Usage should be widespread within a language community (if it isn't/wasn't used in the language it doesn't belong, neither does words only your family/friend group uses, but slang words are allowed)

No words that have appeared in the tournament or previously on word of the week (search for the word on my blog, all words are tagged)

How submissions and posting work (read these before submitting):

Each person is can make two submissions at a time. Please wait until yours have been posted before you submit more

The submission form is currently open. It will remain so until I have too many unposted submissions, then open again when those have been scheduled

If you're able to, please provide an IPA transcription for your word (the International Phonetic Alphabet has a sign for each sound used in any language, which makes transcription of exact pronounciation possible)

You will need to provide a translation/explanation of the word in English since that is the language used on the blog for ease of communication and reach. If the exact translation of a word is part of what makes the word good, please provide that too

It is possible to be credited for your submission if you want to

If more than 5-6 words in the same language are submitted, all of them might not be posted until some time has passed to avoid one language dominating

I reserve the right to pick which words I want to share if I have many submissions and don't want to do all of them. I do this in my very limited spare time because I think language is fun and if it doesn't spark joy I won't do it

Submissions will be fact-checked, edited for clarity and get a short text about the language. If I find something interesting while researching I might add a note about that as well

Have fun! I can't wait to see your submissions and learn something new!

Submit your word(s) through this form

[disventure-rewrite-takes]

!! THIS BLOG IS INACTIVE !! feel free to follow my main @canonically47 instead!

last post

hello! i’m mod grett (she/her), previously mod alec, and i decided to make this blog as somewhat of a disventure camp takes blog, but with how the community would write it!

the blog runs on a shuffled queue that operates all throughout the day :3

submit:

hcs you would include;

ships;

challenges;

ocs;

literally any ideas!

some boundaries:

named anons are ok and welcomed! first come (for an anon name), first serve :3

fanart is more than encouraged!

NSFW takes are allowed as long as the characters are 18+, and will be tagged accordingly. keep in mind i am a minor, so don’t be too weird. keep it to silly jokes mostly!

aged up versions of characters are welcomed as long as it’s not NSFW of canon minors.

completely rewriting characters is awesome and allowed.

unless it is actual constructive criticism, demoralizing VAs (except for. well.) is not at all awesome and not allowed.

ONC criticism is very much allowed.

DNI is basic DNI (queerphobic, racist, ableist, exclusionist, proshipper, terf etc.) + ONC apologists.

have fun!

[simmancy]

Happy Spooky Season, pumpkaboos! 

Here’s what’s happening this month / going forward on simmancy-dot-tumblr-dot-com.

𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚜! 👋

Hi there if you’re new! My name is Kit, I am 32 now, this is my simblr, I am active on and off. If any of that bothers you, unfollow, it's okay! If you're here because I posted a mod list or a random piece of CC you like, then I have good news - I do those things occasionally! When I am actively posting, I usually dabble in gameplay. I don't do much storytelling anymore because... well, I don't have the time!

𝚂𝚒𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚂𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍𝚞𝚕𝚎 🍬

I have SOME stuff I've been poking at in my ~spare time~. I love Simblreen, it's the best time of the year imo and it's just... a tradition. It's a tradition. So I'm going to try 🤞

I have been writing out a mod list centered around occults/spooky gameplay at least. So that's seasonally appropriate????? If you have a mod list request hit my inbox because I still fucking LOVE WCIFs and that's a sort of WCIF.

𝙾𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 🎃

This year (and likely going forward), I'm going to try to use my blog to showcase the community. There's SO many cool things in the ts4 tag!! So I've been scouring it at the dead of night to refill my queue 👻 That's what you can mainly expect this month. No CAS challenges, no CC challenges, just some creepies and kookies from others around simblr.

𝚁𝚎𝚐𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛 𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 🌕

Hi regular followers!! I’m so sorry if you've been here a long time, because I don't have much updates on my ~classic~ gameplays and saves and they just...... won't be. For a while.

Not So Perry... I have a bit of Gen 4 but I haven't played in a whiiiiile so. I might revisit that/redo/we'll see.

Star x Crossed is indefinitely on hold - I will probably revise how that was posting because the full episodes just aren't possible right now. I might do it more as like... an edit type thing, where the edits tell the stories or whatever. It SUCKS because I had really big hopes and dreams for that save and instead I... had a child.

The Nobel ABCs will return because I have 10 generations done in game. I just need to queue.

Maggie's Wonderful Life WILL eventually be done LMAO. I'm hoping to get back into that save soonish. I LOVE farming gameplay! So I want to play/finish it. I had about half of the introductions shot before I got distracted with other things and then... well. yeah.

New saves? When I manage to play, I play a lot of newer saves LMAO. Mostly because when I have time right now I need... something easy.

𝙻𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚄𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎 🔮

I decided I like doing this once a year Simmancy Newsletter during my favorite time of the year. Halloween remains the BEST season, and there's also no guarantee I won't drop off the face of the planet again.

Obv the main thing is that, as previously stated, I had a baby. A whole ass baby. She's now 3 months old, and she is so much in the best way. We're currently teething and if you're like "Kit that seems a bit early," you're absolutely right but this is the lot I've drawn in life. She likes to be sat up, and stood up, and to talk to the Baby in the Mirror. She also is obsessed with trees and the cat. I know new moms are annoying and I'm absolutely that annoying new mom, I literally cannot shut up about her and therefore make my sims blog also about her.

I go back to work next month and I'm absolutely dreading it. Can I just be a sim and have someone press motherlode for me? Please?

Otherwise, there's very little in Kit World. The past 6 simblr years remain wonderful, and I've met some of my best friends on here. I go between BG3 and Sims when I have game time (which isn't a lot because Baby Simmancy is increasingly awake and mobile). I WISH I had more time to hang around here but maybe in a year or so.

Anyway, that’s my update of the year. Happy spooky season everybody! I hope it’s a good one!

Stay safe & spooky out there!

[capturethechaos]

I’m currently stuck sitting in LAX waiting for my flight home, so now seems as good a time as any to write my sappy little piece about the tbagg/dig era coming to an end.

(Tw - mentions of depression, death, and suicide)

I discovered this band in September of 2021. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember much from this time, I was depressed, working at the same shitty job I’m still at, I had very few friends, and I felt stuck. Like absolutely, no chance at anything but what I was doing kind of stuck.

For the first little while of me listening to GVF I was alone, listening to their songs on repeat. I hadn’t was at a dead end with writing, nothing was giving me the inspiration I needed, and I felt like shit.

But one night I was listening to them, and I just had this feeling, this warmth that filled me that I hadn’t felt in a long time and it was the best thing I could have asked for. I hadn’t touched tumblr since I was like… fourteen, maybe fifteen. So I started writing on Wattpad cause that’s what I had been using for all my older writing. I had previously posted my work for other fandoms on my page, but I hadn’t really touched it for anything else, so when I decided to redownload the tumblr app and post my GVF work, I wasn’t expecting much.

I especially wasn’t expecting what would be what I think is the best thing I could have ever asked for. Because of this band, and through this app, I’ve met some of the most amazing people.

I was twenty when I found them, and within the first month of listening and writing for them, I had found a group of friends that I couldn’t be more thankful for. These wonderful people, along with the music from this band, got me through the experience of my uncle going missing, and soon after finding out he had killed himself.

Within days I was back home, turning twenty-one on the day of the Troubadour show, switching between choppy livestreams of the show with a group of people on discord, and soon after I was waiting impatiently in a presale queue for tickets to a show in a different country, making plans with people I had met over tumblr to see the boys in Wisconsin.

The shows were postponed/canceled…

But I was already in the US when it happened. I had taken my first flight ever, on my own, to a country I had only been in once, fourteen years prior, because a band gave me the courage to make my own path, to choose the road.

I never did get the chance to see them with the group I had met that week, but I’m thankful for every day that I got to spend with them, entertaining ourselves in Wisconsin.

I’ve seen them three times since then. Twice in my own province, having gotten the chance to see them with @amouratomique and two of my best friends from home. Once at the barricade, and once in the bowl, stoned with my friends as we experienced the music that changed my life.

I thought those would be my only chances to see them on the Dreams in Gold tour, but on the drive to the airport to send Alba back to California, she asked me if I would want to go to the Anaheim show with her… and of course I said yes.

So I booked a flight, bought my ticket, and impatiently waited for the chance to see the boys again.

Then the show got postponed… but it was alright. I got to spend a week in Cali with one of my best friends, and instead of saying goodbye, we got to say see you soon. Now I’m sitting in LAX, after seeing them one last time for the DIG tour, trying real hard not to cry as a think about the amazing I’ve met because of this band, and all the experiences I would never have had if I had ignored that stupid fucking TikTok.

So to anyone I have talked to since the beginning of my time here, and to those I haven’t had the chance to get to know yet, thank you for changing my life. I love you all so much, and I couldn’t imagine where I’d be now if I didn’t know you.

Edit: I explained this to Alba after the concert, but early this month, I lost my grandfather after he had a stroke, and on the day I got the call that he had passed, after saying goodbye to him for the final time, that any choice I made to travel, and to further myself for the sake of me, and no one else, would be in memory of him. Because I knew that he was proud of my choice to explore for the sake of exploring. So despite the fact that I was already aware that I was going to cry at the show in Anaheim, it felt incredibly special to be at the barricade when the boys played the new song, and I could feel him with me.

[zombryz]

Could you do a Vegeta x Reader where the reader is short & petite like 4’11 but has an attitude 🥺

Or

Trunks x reader where trunks is taking care of reader who has like a cold or something

Hi Anon! Your wish is my command, please enjoy 😉

“Could you do a Vegeta x Reader where the reader is short & petite like 4’11 but has an attitude 🥺”

(I apologize in advance for the layout. Next time I’ll copy from my computer… tumblr mobile must hate me lol)

P.s. I’ll also write the trunks request on another post so be on the lookout for that (-:

~

“Ugh! That’s not it.” You huffed as you threw a random toaster out of your way. With a loud sigh and a scratch of your head you thought “where could they possibly be?” You were becoming very frustrated in your search.

Bulma had given you a task to find some old blue prints from a project she worked on many years ago. She sent you to a storage room filled with piles of junk and had promised that they’d be in there. You often wondered how she remembered exactly where stuff was and why she wouldn’t get it herself if that was the case. After working for Capsule Corp for 3 years, she began to trust you with more and more information. You’ll never forget when she introduced you to Vegeta and Goku, two of her friends who happened to be saiyans. Over the years you became a very loyal assistant and she would give you small projects to work on on your own. She even taught you how to work the gravity chamber and make repairs if needed. Repairs were needed often for Vegeta and Goku after an angry training session. Goku was super fun to be around and became one of your close friends. He was so silly and could make you laugh at any moment. Vegeta on the other hand was more rough around the edges and overall hard to get along with. You tried to be friendly towards him for Bulma’s sake but you found yourself rolling your eyes around him all the time.

You looked down at the layout of the storage room that was sloppily drawn out by Bulma. In that moment you realized you were holding it upside down.

With a face palm you excitedly said, “Ahhh, okay now we’re getting somewhere!” You looked up in the corner of the room and saw the blueprints under a few storage bins on the very top shelf. Shoot! How were you supposed to get up there? You looked down at your feet confirming how short you actually were. You were about 4’11 and pretty tiny. The last thing you want to do is ask someone for help.

Almost on queue you spun around to see Vegeta leaning in the doorway holding a towel to his temple wiping the sweat from the training session he must’ve just finished. You couldn’t help but jump a little not expecting to see him there. He was unphased and had his usual mean mug plastered across his face.

“I didn’t scare you did I, woman?” His stern voice sent shivers down your spin. There’s no way you were going to ask Vegeta for help. You’ve always hated having these one on one encounters with him.

“No, you didn’t,” you answered plainly, crossing your arms and popping out your hip. You didn’t want him to have the satisfaction of spooking you. “And stop calling me woman! My name is y/n” You rolled your eyes at him and spun on your heels back towards where you were standing previously.

“Bulma said I’d find you back here. The gravity chamber needs repairs” he stated, ignoring you per usual. He wrapped the towel around his neck and leaned back further into the doorway not planning to move until he got a confirmation that you’d drop what you were doing and go fix the chamber.

“Yes your ‘majesty’” you replied with air quotes hoping to actually piss him off. It must’ve worked because he pushed himself off the door frame and further into the storage room.

“What did you say, weakling?” His brows furrowed and he grabbed your arm roughly forcing you to face him. You tried to wiggle out of his hold but he wouldn’t let you. You decided to keep your cool knowing you had gotten under his skin.

“Oh, nothing… Prince Vegeta,” you replied with a flirtatious tone and a smirk, surprising both yourself and Vegeta. You couldn’t tell if he became flustered, before it could go further you finally pulled away. “Fine. Let me just grab these real quick then.” You spot a chair on the other side of the room. You grabbed the chair and brought it over to the shelf holding the blue prints. In one swift motion you stood up on the chair and reached out to grab the blue prints. You couldn’t believe it, you still weren’t tall enough. Your face became red when you realized Vegeta was still in the room. Crap.

There was silence and then a deep chuckle, Vegeta couldn’t hold it in. This was the first time you’d ever heard him laugh. “What were you planning on doing with that, woman?” He kept laughing which annoyed you more. You dropped your head in defeat, your hair fell to the sides of your face. You almost broke a sweat trying to get those damn blue prints.

With a brief pause, “Vegeta… can. you. help. me…?” You hated that you even had to ask him for help. This was so embarrassing. You couldn’t look over at him, part of you hoped he had left the room. You didn’t even know if he’d actually help, you wouldn’t put it past him. You heard his foot steps as he walked towards you. He didn’t say anything as he approached you. Stepping down from the chair you finally looked him in the eyes as he got closer. He looked you up and down once more before leaning down, picking you up wrapping his arms around the back of your knees so that his head was flush with your chest and his arms support your butt. This is not what you expected. You also didn’t expect for Vegeta to give you butterflies, why the heck were you feeling this way? He held you up high so you took the opportunity to reach for the blue prints. Finally! You tapped him signaling for him to put you down. Instead of letting you back down the way he picked you up, he allowed you to slide down his body causing your shirt to come up a bit. His onyx eyes were still locked on yours.

You pulled away from him clearing your throat and fixing your shirt. There was so much tension, you weren’t sure if he felt it too.

“Um, thanks,” you produced a fake smile in hopes he wouldn’t catch you blushing.

Vegeta closed the space between you again, he decided this time to pick you up so that your thighs were wrapped around his waist. Before you knew it his lips were on yours desperately trying to relieve the tension between the two of you. He carried you over to the nearest wall shoving you against it causing you to drop the blue prints you didn’t realize you were still holding. His gloved hand ran his fingers through your hair as he started placing kisses down your neck. A moan escaped your lips and that’s when you heard Bulma talking down the hall, you assumed she was looking for you since you’d been gone so long. Vegeta pulled away leaving you wanting more. Without saying a word to you he left the room.

On the way out of the door you heard him call out, “That woman needs to fix her attitude.” You we’re so confused. Before you had a second longer to think about it Bulma had turned the corner. Her eyebrow was raised as she smiled at you.

“Let me guess, the gravity chamber is broken again?” She giggled. You couldn’t hold it in, you started cracking up with her and eventually both of you were rolling on the floor laughing.

[carissimipaixao]

So, I was tagged for this little game by @hikarry and, just like any unstable person, instead of sleeping, I grabbed my laptop and I’m going to do the game now 😌

1. Why did you choose your URL?

Well, I used to be shay-makes-my-luck and I had another secondary blog where I was posting, ahem, little thoughts and “cute” (read: cringy) poems or things to my crush who would never see those posts. It was called dearpaixao and eventually I recycled that name for my fanfiction blog. It sounded cuter and shorter than the first name, which also made me appear too “one-fandom centric”, if that makes sense.

I ended up taking a long break from fanfiction, in the middle of 2018. Complicated stuff going on, and I didn’t feel satisfied? Plus, I was constantly running into writer’s blocks.

When I came back in 2019, I feel somewhat “distant” from my old writing, style-wise and maybe even the person I was back then. But, I was still very much in love with dearpaixao. So, I decided to create carissimipaixao, where I would start from scratch! It’s actually as if you only added “[dear]est” to the previous username and then translated it to Latin.

My previous blog is still up, though as an archive. It’s embarassing, actually.

2. Any side blogs?

This blog is one! And, like I said, dearpaixao is still up, though for archive reasons.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Probably since 2014? Officially began posting here on 2016.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Well, not really? I have programmed a few posts (such as Six Sentence Sunday and WIP Wednesday), and I have contemplated programming fanfiction stories, as well. Though, since I also have to cross-post on AO3, I don’t really do it.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Dearpaixao (or, shay-makes-my-luck) was created because I wanted to begin posting Shay Cormac fanfiction. Sha[y]melessly. Then, this one was because I wanted to start anew, as if I was a completely different person as I was back in dearpaixao. Though, to this day, I wonder if I should’ve just continued on the same blog.

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp?

It’s actually a photograph of the faceclaim I have chosen for my Glory and Carnations fanfiction! Her name is Mikaela Lupu.

7. Why did you choose your header?

Currently, don’t have one.

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

Fondness, my official first fanfiction for Lupin, with 123 notes 💖🥺

Previously, it would’ve been Raging Saints, which may be revamped soon.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Overall, maybe between 6 and 8, but in terms of how close I am with them, then it’d be 2. They know who they are.

10. How many followers do you have?

Currently, 111 ohh angel number

My archive blog has recently passed 300, but I still wonder why people bother to follow that blog when it’s clearly inactive.

11. How many people do you follow?

210.

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

Nope.

13. How often do you use tumblr?

Well, I open it a lot when I’m bored, when I want to see what’s up on my dashboard. So, I’ll open it a few times throughout the day.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

I don’t think I have, no. Though, I think I’ve nearly had one recently, though with an Anon.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts?

If it’s interesting, if it’s helpful, if it may help me, then sure, I’ll reblog it.

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes. I love interacting with people!

17. Do you like ask games?

Same as tag games. I’ve done a few, I guess? Though, not as many as I actually would’ve loved to do 😂

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Well, @latte-to-go deserves all the recognizition in the world for her writing and amazing plots! The thought she puts into everything? Stunning. A true role model when it comes to writing, outlining and planning stories/series. Do check out her work! She’s the reason I even created shay-makes-my-luck and, later, carissimipaixao!

I’m tagging, though no pressure: @peachy-is-obsessed @who-wants-chicken-nuggets @t0pidelaayy @mechanical-fingers @softthotanon

Whoever wants to do this, feel free to join in! And tag me if you do, eheh!

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 113

Sooo.... I completely did not realize my queue dumped itself again, or that this chapter didn’t post when it should have. So I’m sorry for the slightly-delayed update!

Thanks to @baelpenrose​ for their beta-reading, as always.  This chapter loops back to something that came up previously and I hate loose ends dangling around everywhere. Content warnings for anger issues, trauma, and poor coping mechanisms.

“Dude, I’m making soup,” I jokingly scolded Maverick as I took the bowl of pumpkin seeds away from him.  After the camping trip, I had made the brilliant decision to roast the seeds we had harvested. All of them. Ten pounds of them, it turned out.  How he wasn’t sick of eating them, I had no idea.

 With a pout, he made grabby-hands at the bowl. “What kind?”

 “Potato,” I informed him as I pivoted away and carried the bowl back to the kitchen and put the lid on it.

It didn’t take long for him to join me and start requesting potatoes from the food console.  Even though they were freshly-generated and already clean, he started washing them anyway.  I was pretty sure the action ranked up there with utensils being in exactly-the-right place, because he always washed the vegetables that he got from the console.  It didn’t hurt anything, though, so we generally just let him do it.

About an hour later, we were sitting at the table with two bowls of velvety, off-white soup - his topped with sour cream, bacon, and cheese, mine just topped with scallions - and dug in.  Conor was on Beta-shift at work currently, so we made sure to put the lid on the rest to keep it warm.  Even though the temperature on the Ark never changed beyond a ten-degree variance, the camping trip had triggered something in me that said “Autumn”, and soup was exactly what I needed right then.

I had just finished my first bowl, and Maverick was halfway through his second - with somehow even more bacon - when the door opened and Conor stalked in.  Everything in his body language screamed that he was angry about something, and I subconsciously held my breath.  Glancing at Maverick, I saw him arch an eyebrow at me before turning to our clearly-upset partner.

“Everything okay?” he ventured slowly.

“Work. Huynh,” he grunted, shoving a hand through his hair as he started pacing into the kitchen, past the table, into the living room, and back.  “Stupid pre-fab structures. We don’t… Stupid!” Grasping for words, he only seemed to get more and more frustrated.  On his next trip into the kitchen, he grabbed a bowl and  thought he was going to try to eat, but instead I saw him start to raise the bowl higher.

Maverick stood, rushed over, and snatched the bowl from him. “We talked about this. If you throw that, you’ll give Sophia the panic attack she is trying not to have right now. I told you before, if you give her a panic attack again, I would knock you out. Please don’t make me keep my word.” Rather than angry, he sounded distressed and sad. “What are you supposed to do when you get frustrated like this?”

“Run,” Conor grunted, rubbing his face briskly before gesturing at his sweat-stained coveralls. “And I did. For miles and miles. It didn’t help. And I’m supposed to try to talk about what I’m angry about, but that’s even more frustrating, because I… I can’t explain it fast enough.”

Nodding, Maverick ladled soup into the bowl before gently pushing Conor to the table and setting the now-full bowl in front of him.  Without even realizing what he was doing, Conor started tearing a roll in half and dipping it in the soup - he ate every soup like that, and it was the weirdest thing I had ever seen. But it meant he was calming down, apparently, because he couldn’t rant and eat at the same time, and the man had priorities.

“I’m frustrated, because Huynh wants us to start prototypes for the pre-fabs that we will be using on Von,” he confessed, angrily dunking another chunk of bread and shoving it in his mouth. “I still think it’s too early.  I talked to Noah, and the last information they have about the planet is a decade old.  We aren’t close enough to drop out of whatever FTL we are using and get fresh scans, and we can’t get communications while we’re travelling, apparently, because… FTL.”

I nodded tentatively, encouraging him to go on, and started putting butter on a roll to keep myself calm.  So far, he wasn’t nearly as angry as it usually took for him to start throwing things, and he hadn’t had an episode in a while, so…. So far, so good.

He saw my nod and kept going. “I just think he’s putting the cart before the horse. We shouldn’t be constructing things based on old data, and major climate change can happen over ten years.” We’d found that out the hard way, unfortunately.

“What does Charly think?” Maverick asked.

“She’s on Gamma shift this week, so I didn’t get a chance to ask her,” he confessed sullenly.  At this point, he was out of soup and still trying to stab a piece of bread through the bottom of his bowl, so Maverick gently took it away and refilled it. “Thanks, love. So, I couldn’t ask Charly her suggestion, Huynh won’t listen, and I just… I feel like I’m barking in the wind.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I tried to do everything I was supposed to do.”

“I don’t think it’s working.” Maverick’s statement wasn’t said unkindly, and Conor shrugged and nodded in response. “What else have you and your therapist discussed?”

“I have an appointment tomorrow,” he answered, rather than answering the question.

“Then you need to talk to them about another way to vent your frustration,” Maverick insisted. “And where these anger issues are coming from.”

Conor mumbled something, prompting us to lean forward to better hear him.  When I made a gesture to repeat himself, he sighed. “We’ve talked about that, and I think I know where it’s coming from, it’s just…. It’s embarrassing.”

“It can’t be any more embarrassing than anything you know about either of us,” Maverick tried to point out, prompting me to scowl at him. “Hey! I literally slept through the end of the world.”

That got a chuckle out of Conor, but he got serious again quickly. “The anger…” he started, clearly reluctant. “So, I was an orphan. Parents died when I was - four? Five?” We nodded - this wasn’t new information so far. They’d died in an accident, and neither had any family. He’d mentioned siblings, but they were his foster siblings throughout the years. “I got bounced around the foster system a bit as a kid, but I think I got lucky.  None of my foster families were bad, necessarily, but I think that made it worse when I got moved from home to home.  Every time I started to let myself get close and open up…. I would get taken and moved to another family for one reason or another.  This family moved, that couple got too old to keep fostering kids, one of my foster mom’s got cancer and her wife couldn’t take care of me and Mum at the same time.  No one’s fault but… I felt so betrayed. So I… I started getting angry and pushing people away, making sure that I wouldn’t get close to them just to lose them again.” That word, betrayed, tickled something in my mind.  It was too familiar. “I got moved from family to family even more after that, but it hurt less, right? Because I wasn’t getting attached, and I was being moved because of anger issues. Because of something I did.”

“So… you’re pushing us away?” I asked, not even trying to hide my hurt feelings.

“I’m getting there, swear.” His response was very firm before he picked up where he left off. “Eventually, I turned eighteen, I was on my own, and now I really felt like I had control over my life.  I started an engineering program, I saw a therapist, and a lot of that anger went away.”

“That’s where the You we normally see came out?” Maverick asked, direct as always.

“Yeah. I was happier, calmer… I wasn’t a scared little boy anymore. I felt more stable.”

“And then…?”

“And then the world went tits up,” Conor laughed sadly. “I didn’t have much control over which people were in my life and which weren’t, but it was the After, right? I did manage to find a group who were pretty peaceful, and I stuck it out there.  Then I woke up here, and I could be happy again. I tried to be the version of myself that I liked, instead of that angry little boy.”

That was when it clicked. Betrayed. “Then Arantxa…”

“Yeah, then Arantxa,” he confirmed quietly.  “And you almost died.”

Tyche’s words from the day she busted my lip came back to me. For three weeks, I had to watch you try to figure out if you were going to live or die! Conor had to watch you… “Three times,” I whispered without realizing it.

“Twice,” Conor corrected, not realizing I was talking about what Tyche had said. “Once after you were attacked, and once when we were trying to figure out what was going on with Else.” Huffing, he shoved his now-empty bowl toward Maverick. “Please take that, I’m getting angry again.”

“Thanks for recognizing that,” Maverick nodded. “But I don’t think you’re mad. I think you just feel out of control again thinking about it.”

“That’s what my therapist says,” he admitted. “But inside, it feels like anger. And after Arantxa, when I started feeling that kind of angry, I… I felt like that scared little boy again. I didn’t realize I was doing it, until I started talking to Josh, but they think I subconsciously started pushing you away more every time something would happen.” He took a deep breath to compose himself. “To… I don’t know, make you show me who you ‘really’ are, to make you leave me before you can decide to leave, or before you actually die one time.”

“So, this is about me,” I ventured slowly. “Not Maverick at all.”

“I don’t mean it’s your fault,” Conor objected quickly. “None of this is your fault, that I react the wrong way when I feel like I need more control over situations.”

It started dawning on me what he was talking about. “PTSD.  You’re talking about PTSD. Not just the kind we all have from the After, but… from moving around so much when you were growing up. From not having a secure situation.”  

My mind started racing, connecting the dots.  Before moving in with me, neither Maverick nor Conor had what would have been considered ‘proper’ quarters - both had essentially chosen personal quarters barely big enough for a bed.  Maverick had admitted early on when we were still only friends, that he had chosen his because he never really had anything and spent his entire life after his dad died wandering from place to place, never really belonging. So he had a habit of being ready to pick up and go at a moment’s notice, and tried to take up as little space as possible in the process.  It was no secret - he did it deliberately and had no shame regarding the situation.  

It had never occurred to me that Conor did the same thing without realizing it.

Maverick shook his head.  I thought he was negating what I had said, but then he sighed. “We’re a mess, you know that?” Leaning back, he stretched and put his hands behind his head. “I think we should have a therapy session or four, together, about all this.”

Both Conor and I turned slowly to stare at him, wide-eyed. “When did you start being the sensible one?”

He pointed a finger at me. “You run headfirst into every dangerous situation you can find.” The finger flicked to point at Conor. “And you are convinced you’re an idiot, which is the only idiotic thing I’ve actually heard you say.”  Smugly, he put his hands back behind his head and smiled. “I’ve always been the sensible one.”

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[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[narcissasdaffodil]

48 for drabbles, Marisol x MC <3

48: I called you at 2am because I need you

So I lost the prompt list but I’m going to take these from another one, hopefully that’s fine x Also, I hit 200k fic wise, so I’m posting a little something extra from my drafts x

Alecto had decided to visit Abby for 2 weeks in Los Angeles. She had decided to go on a whim after winning Love Island with Marisol earlier in the summer, but it being so incredibly last minute meant she had to leave Marisol behind in the UK.

Abby was still the same as ever, just as obsessed with rare bookshops, coffee and trying out new things. They hadn’t seen each other for years, but appeared to catch up in no time. Abby was writing music and pursuing her dreams, uni was definitely the wrong choice for her all those years ago.

Abby had managed to secure tickets for the Dodie concert, and they were just returning back to the apartment, arms laden with food and drinks. Both of them were high off adrenaline and happiness, their throats were sore from singing at the top of their lungs. Surprisingly, there was an actual queue for takeout food, and they had got delayed. Alecto always left her phone on silent, and had no real need for it throughout the night, apart from taking photos with Abby and experimenting at taking more types of photos. Photography was a passion for her, and she had gained some great shots. She would never do it for a career, her dream was to be a doctor so she followed her destiny there.

She rested her box of food, and her tiny bag on the side table, leaving her phone face up next to it, sitting cross legged on the couch and starting to tuck into her burger. Abby sat next to her, both of them focused on their food. The apartment was silent as they ate, both of them ravenous after the concert. Long hair started to slide out of the clip, making its way down Alecto’s shoulders.

Abby finished her food first, despite starting later, and removed the large hair clip from Alecto’s hair, pushing it out of her way and putting the clip safely on the side table. She heard a loud beep, and retrieved her phone from the table, her eyes drawn to the light coming from Alecto’s phone as she grabbed her own phone.

“Looks like someone keeps trying to reach you there, might be a good idea to check it.” She said, curling up and resting her phone on her knees, checking it.

Alecto nodded, giving her a thumbs up. Her mouth was full with burger, and she was always a very neat eater. She finished her mouthful and set down the empty box, retrieving her phone. She checks the time, noticing it was 2am. Her phone lit up again, and started to ring, Marisol’s name and picture on the display. Wait. Why has she texted you so many times? You do hope she’s okay.

Alecto pressed answer, putting her phone on speaker and turning the volume up.

“Hello?” Marisol sounded unsure, and her voice kept wobbling.

“Hello, are you okay? It’s 2am, but it’s fine.”

“I’m sorry... Forgot about the time difference, it’s 10am here. I haven’t been able to sleep at all, it’s been worrying me. But I don’t want to keep you up.” Marisol’s voice breaks slightly, not as sure of herself as she usually was.

“We came back from a concert not too long ago, we’ve only just had time to have food. That doesn’t matter though, if you need to talk it’s completely fine.” Alecto’s voice was soft and soothing, the sugar and energy from the concert forgotten. She hoped she could do the thing that Marisol did for her: being able to soothe her with just simple words and a warm hand.

“I’ve just been stressed about starting my second year of uni. It’s still a bit off yet, but I’m still nervous. And I struggle to sleep usually, but it’s different with you there, I can actually sleep properly. I kept waking up throughout the night, until I just gave up. I forgot what it was like to struggle to sleep, even though we haven’t been together for long at all. Sadie has been helping though, she loves me quite a lot currently. It’s surprising how much I miss you, and feels so silly.” Her voice sounded watery and kept shaking, getting considerably quieter. Alecto had to strain her ears slightly to hear, and turned up the volume on her phone.

“Do you want to have regular phone calls before you go to bed until I’m back? Will that maybe help a bit with the sleep issues? Also it isn’t silly! The same happened to me, when Abby first moved, and when I first went to uni. My sleeping pattern went out of the window a bit. When you care about someone and love them, it’s understandable to miss them if they’re not there with you constantly. I’m glad Sadie is a good stand in for me though, it’s a miracle she loves you as much as me! That’s so rare, you must be a cat whisperer or something.” Alecto heard a teary and snotty laugh on the other end, and grinned.

“If it’s not too much of a bother, that would be lovely. It’s surprising that I’m actually upset hearing your voice on the phone. I never got homesick when I first left home in the slightest, I was so independent from my family in general that I didn’t really miss them when I left. But you...it’s different. You care about me so much, you’re my safe space, my home. Sadie has been amazing company though, having her has helped a little. I’m not sure if part of my issue here is that...I don’t really have many friends in uni, or in general. I’ve never felt overly lonely, but for some reason, now I do.”

“Not actually surprising. When I first heard my dad’s voice on the phone, I did get pretty upset. Aww, the fact you feel that way about me does warm my heart. I guess if you’ve always been an outcast, it’s hard to deal with other people being different and actually having friends. I was the same when I first got closer to Abby, having two very toxic friends landed me with a shed load of issues and took a lot of courage to let them go. So finally having a healthy friendship and healthy family relationships was strange. But once you find your own friends, you’ll be okay. I understand that scares you, and you prefer to cut yourself off instead and stay at a distance, using the analysis thing as a defence mechanism but I hope that you’ll stop relying on it so heavily with me by your side. You’re not alone either, you still have Hope and Bobby, and both are long distance friendships but still equally as valuable.” Abby prodded her in the arm, trying to hint that she wanted to speak.

“Abby wants to speak to you, let me know if that’s okay.”

“That’s definitely fine.”

“Cool, handing you over now.” Alecto handed her phone to Abby.

“Hi. You clearly mean a lot to Alecto and you’re super special to her, so as her best friend, I’d like to talk to you more and get to know you better. Most of the people she’s dated previously I haven’t been too keen on, but you’re different. I know it might be a little weird, as I did date her before, but we’re still friends and all, and I’d love to extend that to you.”

“Really? I don’t have an issue with you two being friends in the slightest, from what I know, you two were friends first then started dating, so it wasn’t great that people expected you to give that up. Exes can be friends, there’s nothing against it! I’ve never done that myself, but ended up having a lot of messy breakups, even dated my best friend in secondary school and that completely broke the friendship. Olivia did break my heart, so the fact that I could open my heart up enough for Alecto is a big deal. I’m rambling now, but if you’re fine with it, cool.” Marisol was speaking pretty quickly, causing Abby to grin.

“Yup. I definitely mean that, the fact you don’t see me as threatening means a lot. Some people who Alecto’s dated, like only once or twice, had such an issue with it, that it did both of our heads in. I mean, I have a girlfriend now, so I’m not going to ruin anything, like people assumed. I do understand though, and I like you because of the way you and Alecto operate. So that’s all, I just wanted to let you know. I’ll hand you back to Alecto then.” Abby grinned, her voice warm.

“Okay, thank you! It does mean a lot.”

Abby grinned, moving to sort the boxes of food out and sort the mess in her apartment.

“Back to me again. Does that help? You do seem considerably happier, which is reassuring.”

“Yes, I am. It’s sweet of Abby to care about me, so that helps. I’ve never talked about Olivia to anyone apart from you before. So that’s a big deal. But I should probably let you go to bed soon, it’s really late in LA, I know.” Marisol’s voice was still watery, but she had gained enough stability to reassure Alecto a bit.

“Goodnight then. Call you tomorrow, well later today! Let’s organise a time via text or something.”

“Goodnight. See you.” When Marisol hung up, her voice sounded warmer already.

Alecto yawned, getting to her feet. She made her way to Abby’s guest bedroom, getting ready for bed. Once in bed, she dropped off quickly.

[calumrose]

Trigger [Police/Gang!AU] Chapter 3 || C.H

A//N: Haven’t got very much to say this time which makes a change! So... yeah... here’s chapter 3! Enjoy!!

Word Count: 9.2k

Summary: Eloise Gray and Calum Hood, not two people you would ever think to put together. What started as a ploy for power turned into a romance, resulting in the realisation that loving your enemy may not be such a bad thing after all.

Previous Chapters: Prologue / Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

26 Days Left

The small café bustled around her; people engrossed in the art of conversation, blinded to the passing of time as they spent their hard-earned money on overpriced coffee and small sandwiches. She sat at the small table in the corner, the cold metal of the chair beneath her squeaking with every adjustment she made to her position, her hand wrapped around the cheapest coffee she could muster the courage to purchase to avoid conversation with a stranger who would make her presence known to be unwelcome in the small business unless she bought something.

Her phone lay on the dark wooden table, the device open on her rather empty Instagram account, the few people she followed sharing photos she had already witnessed a thousand times before, the sight now boring her to the bone. She clicked on the icon which took her to her own profile, her eyes looking over the few posts she had made over the years, the last one being a year after her dad died. The single photo stood out in comparison to the others, the photograph bringing a smile to her face while also conducting nothing but pain in her heart. She had shared a photograph of a happy day; the smiles of both her parents as they stood with Eloise between them on a hill, the view behind them breathtakingly beautiful. The caption was something that she had debated over for hours when she decided to post it, it constantly being edited and changed until she settled on her decision of a simple ‘I miss you’. A small yet powerful combination of words that spoke louder than any actions could for her.

Eloise quickly swiped the app to a close, sighing quietly to herself as she listened for the sound of café door opening, the little bell stationed above the door frame making it an easy thing to track. It wasn’t her usual scene; a café like this one. It was nice but she didn’t belong there, feeling as though she was a stranger in her own city within these brightly painted walls. She had to remind herself that there was a reason as to why she was here, a reason to why she had pushed herself out of bed this morning and ventured into Queens for the second time that week. She sipped on the bitter dark liquid, the patterned mug in her hands warming her nicely as she patiently waited, her foot steadily tapping against the black panels of the floor, the lingering taste on her tongue rekindling why she wasn’t the biggest fan of coffee most days.

The café door squeaked as it was pulled open, the sound of New York traffic momentarily being heard before it was overpowered by the ringing of the small golden bell as the door brushed against it. The suction of the door connecting with the frame once again lingered in the café as two more bodies joined the already crowded business. Eloise’s eyes followed them as they walked inside, the familiar broad shoulders and caramel skin catching her attention as she watched the tall man walk about to the counter to place his order. Her eyes fell to the woman who stood by his side, noting the difference in their height, watching their body language as they joked with one another and discussed the menu in front of them. She had hoped to find him here alone but with another body to grace her presence with, she guessed she would just need to pluck up the courage and get it over with sooner than expected.

She cleared her throat as she stood from her seat, leaving her warm coffee on the table as she took a steady few steps towards the small bannister that separated the seating area from the queue of people who waited to order at the counter. She braced her hands against it, leaning forward slightly as she braced herself to grab his attention. God, what was she doing…

“Hello stranger,” She called out, the corner of her lips tilting upwards at the sight of his shoulders freezing, his body slowly turning in place as their eyes met one another’s in a familiar dance. Fake feelings, Eloise, remember fake it! “I was wondering if I could grab you for a chat quickly,” Her brown eyes fell to the woman who stood beside him, a friendly smile gracing her lips as she nodded over in the direction of the table she was sat at previously, “I’ve got a table where we could talk if you’re not too busy?”

Eloise’s chest released a deal of tension she didn’t even realise was there at the sight of his nod as his smooth voice accepted her offer, “I’d like that.”

The faded sound of his voice could be heard over the crowded conversations of the café as he called to the woman that he came with to grab his order, naming it as his ‘usual’, as he excused himself through the growing queue of customers before walking over and talking a seat opposite where Eloise sat at the petite table in the corner of the café. She couldn’t help but notice his attire; admiring the crisp, white button-up shirt, his black slacks and coinciding black boots which oddly worked with the formal fabrics on his body, the main claimant of her attention though, was the jacket he wore: a charcoal coloured pea coat. The fabric accentuated his broad shoulders, the structured lining of the coat only highlighting his mesmerising stature, making him seem as though he was more muscular than he actually was. He looked good. Actually, scratch that, he looked gorgeous, and Eloise couldn’t deny that.

“I know you said you’d find me, but I won’t lie, I didn’t expect you follow through,” His chuckle echoed in her ears, his gentle eyes finding hers from across the table, “You had me nervous that I wouldn’t see you again if I’m completely honest,”

She grasped the mug of now-cold coffee in her hands, lacing her fingers around the cold ceramic as she stared up at him, “I just wanted to thank you again for the other night and apologise again for leaving you with an almighty pair of blue balls,” She couldn’t hold back her giggle at the final words, “I do feel a little bit bad about that you’ll be glad to hear.” She noted how his cheeks at heated her words, the thought of that night briefly dancing across his mind.

“Speaking of that night, I asked you a question before you left but you seemed awfully rushed and I don’t believe you gave me a proper answer,” He teased, his eyebrows raising as his eyes watched while her own chocolate ones burrowed into his.

“From what I can recall, I told you I would think about it,”

“And I’ve decided that I’m not taking that as a valid answer, sorry, but I don’t make the rules,” Calum smirked, “The CEO of first dates doesn’t do ‘maybes’.”

Eloise had to fight the smile spreading on her face at his stupid response, every muscle in her face pressing against the urge to laugh at his terrible line.

“The CEO of first dates?” She rolled her eyes, “Really? Could you not have just said you would like a straight answer instead of throwing out that god-awful joke?”

“It made you smile though didn’t it?” He noted the corner of her mouth twitch, knowing she was fighting a smile that he had easily enticed, “So that’s a win in my book.” He was still such a smooth talker, although she couldn’t say the same about him when he was drunk.

Eloise wanted to scream at the smug smile on his face, trying to remind herself that he was a police officer, and this was all part of a plan. None of this is genuine, she kept telling herself, it’s all part of a game.

But why shouldn’t she have fun with it? Why not enjoy it while she could? Who was Eloise to deny herself a bit of fun and no feelings. No true feelings anyway.

“I guess for the sake of your reputation I better give you a ‘yes’ then,” Eloise smirked as she spoke, sipping on the disgustingly cold drink in her hands, “Can’t have you handing back a poor report to Mr. CEO.”

“He and I both greatly appreciate your cooperation, and just to show our appreciation, I’ll let you pick where we go for dinner.” Calum’s smirked matched the one wore by Eloise.

“How kind of you,” The mocking tone of her voice only enticed Calum further, “But going for dinner isn’t my style, I don’t really fit into the typical little black dress and fancy suit dinners that I’m sure you’re used to.” It was as if her body was on fire as he stared at her, the heat radiating of her hands almost as hot as the temperature the coffee previously steamed with. “Why don’t you surprise me? I’ll let you take some control.”

The way those words rolled from her tongue had Calum’s stomach doing flips, his eyes flickering for the glimpse at her lips as her tongue poked out at the final letter. Something about the girl who sat opposite him tantalised him, the way her fingers curled around the ceramic mug taunted him, the way her eyelashes fluttered with every blink made him feel things he didn’t even know were possible.

“What time will I pick you up?” The question came from his lips before he had even thought it through, his breath quite literally being stolen at the sight of her.

“Eager, are we? What if I’ve got plans tonight?”

“Cancel them.” It came out as more of an order than a friendly suggestion, his voice deepened as his stare hardened on her. His tone was the perfect mixture of silk and sandpaper, Eloise becoming fascinated by the contrast.

Her eyes held their stare out with his midnight ones, her hand grabbing hold of the napkin that sat scrunched up on the table before she held her hand out for him, “Have you got a pen?”

Calum couldn’t even register his hand reaching into his pocket, searching for the tool before his eyes dropped to her hand scribbling on the white tissue in front of him. She smiled as she pushed the napkin and pen back towards the tall god, standing to her feet as she placed the pen in the pocket of his shirt that peeped out behind his jacket, her teeth gaining a delicate hold on the inside of her bottom lip. “Let me know what time you’re coming, and I’ll send you the address. I guess I’ll see you tonight, lover boy.”

Words hadn’t even had a chance to form in Calum’s throat before she made her way outside and left the café, smirk spread across her face as she turned left onto the busy street of the city. The sun beat down on her face as she walked, Calum’s eyes following her as she soon disappeared out of sight, leaving him sat at the table with nothing but a cold coffee and messy napkin in midst. His let his eyes drop from the chair she once sat on, the ink that littered the scrunched piece material on the table catching his eye as he read the text quietly to himself, registering the pattern of numbers were in fact a phone number. She had left her phone number.

A single corner of his lip upturned as he shoved the tissue into his pocket, smirking slyly to himself at the thought of her. He couldn’t do anything else but smile or smirk when it came to her: a total stranger.

“You look pleased with yourself,” A voice called out, a takeaway cup of coffee being placed into his eyeline as his hands reached up to grasp it, his eyes glancing up to meet with Nikki’s, the woman he had abandoned at the front of the café. “But then again, when aren’t you?”

Calum rolled his eyes as he stood up, taking the food bag from her in his other hand, following her out of the café as they called their goodbyes to the owner before heading back to Nikki’s car. It was their weekly trip out of the precinct for lunch, treating themselves to their favourite sandwich from one of the best cafes in the city.

“What did she want?” Nikki’s voice cut the silence as they climbed into the vehicle. The smell of fresh bread and coffee filled the car rather quickly as their doors closed, the smell being one that Calum loved, a small comfort that made a great impact.

“She has a name, y’know,” Calum smirked as he unwrapped his sandwich, resting his left ankle on his right knee the best he could due to the small space within the car, “And it’s nothing big, I met her a few days ago so it was just a friendly chat.”

“Uh huh,” Nikki’s dark eyebrows raised as she turned in her seat, taking a gentle sip of her coffee from the black takeout cup. She could see the way Calum avoided answering her question in full, admired the effort but wasn’t stupid enough to let him off that easy. “Something about her has clearly got you smiling, Cal, and I want to know what, especially considering she doesn’t typically give people things to smile about.”

Calum’s brows furrowed at her final sentence, his eyes catching hers from the side as he took a bite of his well-compact sandwich. He chewed the contents, turning his head to give his partner an uneasy look, unsure of what she meant. Nikki knew this look; she had gotten to know it all too well over the years.

“You do know who she is right?” Nikki choked out, placing her coffee back into the cupholder of her car, holding her still-wrapped sandwich in her hand, turning further in her seat so she sat with her full attention facing Calum, “Eloise Gray? Does the name ring a bell?”

Nikki couldn’t ignore as she watched the hamster wheel inside Calum’s head began to spin, letting him piece together the few pieces of the small puzzle before a subtle wave of realisation hit him. His mind going back to the briefing he received at the station not too long ago.

“She’s Thomas Gray’s daughter, Calum, she’s a Gypsy King,” The name spat from Nikki’s tongue like a blow-dart, “And with the current case Charlie’s got going on, I don’t think it’s the best idea that you’re seen with her. It’s asking for trouble, and I’m not just talking about if Charlie were to find out.”

He kept his face calm and collected, the realisation setting in of why her name sounded so pretty being spoken from his lips. Not only did beauty drip from her name, or her eyes cause Calum to feel as though he was drowning, he had seen her before without even realising. She was in dozens of police reports that he had looked over and passed to other officers, handing them to the newly established gang unit to sort. He swore he could hear the silent clock of the car radio begin to tick as silence swallowed him, the images of the pretty brunette flashing across his mind like a laser light show.

Calum was aware of the outbreak that would occur if his Lieutenant were to discover his casual sit down with Eloise alone, never mind the innocent drunken night they had shared together. Although they were innocent to bystanders, Calum knew the true extend of his feelings between them; she was a Rubik’s cube he couldn’t solve, and he wanted to keep going back for another try. What puzzled him was that he didn’t under why he kept wanting to go back. Why he wanted to try and crack her. There was a level of infatuation he hadn’t experienced before, and it intrigued him.

“Don’t worry about it, Nik, it’s just a drunken thing that’ll fade into nothing in a few days,” Calum shrugged, picking up a fallen piece of cucumber from his sandwich, popping it into his mouth as he chewed, “Charlie doesn’t need to know nothing that doesn’t affect his case.”

“I just hope you know what you’re doing, Cal, if anyone found out you had even spoken to one of those gang bangers you know what would happen,” Her words laced with fear for her partner. Her rough hand coming to rest on his shoulder as she squeezed it, the war going on behind his eyes visible to her as she sat opposite him within the confined space. “She’s dangerous. You need to forget and erase her, don’t let a girl like her flash a smile and make you her lap dog.”

*****

26 Days Left

The drive to his apartment was almost as pretty as him she noted, luxurious tall buildings lining the roads into the Queens; the city coming alive with energy in the early evening. Eloise couldn’t stop telling herself how crazy she was for not cancelling this date when she received his text, telling her that he would pick her up just after seven that evening. She had to remind herself multiple times as she got ready that it was part of the plan that she had to follow through with. She reminded herself that once they got the shipment, she could forget Calum existed and disappear. That’s what kept her willing to follow through with the ploy, the taste of freedom and tranquillity on the tip of her tongue and she was dying to for a bite.

Eloise subconsciously dissected Calum’s attire for the evening, noting that he clearly hadn’t changed from he had finished his shift, coming straight from the precinct to come and collect her. His coat had been discarded in the backseat, the white sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, revealing the familiar black ink along his arms that lit an unbecoming flame in her stomach. He had loosened the top few buttons of the shirt, although she had noticed from the café, he had never buttoned the top two anyway, allowing for a more rugged and free spirit to be perceived of him as he drove.

She wondered if anyone else knew that he was out a date? Did they know it was with her? Eloise couldn’t help but wonder if the woman from the café this morning had asked about her? What did Calum say? Would she be mad if he didn’t tell anyone? She couldn’t be, not really. All the Gypsy Kings new about her whereabouts tonight, that being because she was technically ‘working’, which wasn’t a lie.

She couldn’t help to feel underdressed compared to Calum, even though he only wearing what he wore to work that day. She compared his white shirt and slacks to her dark jeans and oversized acid-wash black sweatshirt, the lace strap of her bra poking out where the material slumped down her shoulder. She didn’t dress for dates, what she was supposed to wear?

“Should I be worried about what you have planned?” Her eyes glanced at his focused expression before they met the road ahead, watching as they passed by a park, the sound of gentle discussion buzzing around the space from the low volume of the radio. “Please don’t tell me you’re taking me to an assault course to put me the through my paces or something.”

Calum couldn’t hold back his small laugh, shaking his head as he turned down the road to his right, continuing on his journey to their destination. “As much as I would love to see you attempt to jump one of those 8ft walls, I’m not exactly dressed for it, but maybe next time.”

“Next time?” She repeated, smirking playfully as the colour of his cheeks deepened at the realisation of his words, “We’re not even ten minutes into this date and you already think you’ll be getting another one? You’re confident, I’ll give you that.”

“Is that a yes to another date I hear?”

“It’s a maybe,” She responded, slowing down the words as they left her lips, feeling his eyes on her as they recalled their previous brief discussion of ‘maybe’ not being a valid answer.

The road Calum drove down began to familiarise with Eloise, her eyes recognising the street signs and the flowers that decorated the lampposts. She caught sign of a graffiti artist on the corner, a can in his hand as he stood back and admired the work he had created. It amused her, sitting in a car with a police officer, witnessing an act of vandalism, being a criminal herself, and feeling nothing but admiration for the artwork in her sights.

Calum couldn’t stop himself from thinking how different she was from that first sober morning they had together, the distance between them seeming cold as she desperately looked for an excuse to leave. Almost as if she were afraid of what she had done with him that night. But now, she seemed confident, full of attitude and ready for whatever would be thrown her way. She seemed as if she was ready to have fun, to enjoy herself with his company. That’s what he hoped anyway.

She could feel his eyes practically burning the side of her head at her response, his reaction to it delayed due him driving but now that he was parked, he could give his full attention. She removed herself from the car before he had a chance to speak, smirking to herself before closing the door behind her and stepping onto the grass next to his drive. The house brought back memories Eloise could only lie and say she wished to forget, memories of a secret night that no one else knew the true events of. “So, what have you got planned for this first date then? If we’re back at your place and you’re not dressed for an assault course, what could you possibly have in mind? Game night? I promise you I could kick your ass in a round of Mario Kart,”

“Will you get this stupid idea of an assault course out of your head? I can assure you that I have a plan for tonight, and it includes no running and no climbing, I promise you that. And fortunately for me by the sounds of things, no Mario Kart either.”

“Shame.” She whispered, sending a wink in his direction before she turned on her feet, making her way up to the front door of his home, hearing his own footsteps follow closely behind her.

He opened his door to reveal the familiar space to her, a space where she panicked on a different night and had set herself up for the position she was in currently. She walked inside after some gentle coaxing from Calum, removing her shoes and leaving them by the door as she followed him into the open plan living room/kitchen.

“You can make yourself comfortable and there should be some drinks in the fridge, I’m just going to quickly get changed, so I shouldn’t be long.” He excused himself, quickly disappearing down the grey hallway Eloise remembered all too well, the photograph flashing across her mind as she watched his body disappear behind the neutral coloured wall of his hallway.

Eloise stood there alone in the house of the respected detective, her warm brown eyes looking around the walls that surrounded her as she took a few silent steps and admired the home. It was nice, she couldn’t deny it. It was really nice. It seemed so homely, so warm and comforting, the complete opposite to her apartment. She felt as though she didn’t need to worry about the boiler packing in when she stood in this house, assurance being silently given that it would be never a problem, neither would any leaking taps or a broken cupboard door beneath the sink.

Tip tap tip tap tip tap tip tap… The noise clicked in Eloise’s ears, the sound reminding her of nails against a keyboard at a computer. Her eyes searched the room, trying to source where the repetitive clicketing was coming from. She turned around, looking towards the glass sliding door next to the TV, hearing the low repetitive sound as she turned. What was that noise? She turned again, looking towards the dining room table, remembering the individual chair where she found her jacket that morning. Tip tap – there it was again! She sighed as she looked around, her brain not being able to piece together where on earth the tapping was coming from. It was a small bark that vibrated through the room which made her suddenly realise. She leaned over the kitchen island to find a small black and white pooch sitting as he looked down at the metal food bowl in front of him.

It was a dog all along. Eloise released a sigh of relief as she walked around the kitchen counter, smiling as she knelt down next to the pup, reaching her hand out slowly, turning it so he had an opportunity to give her a sniff and decide if he would befriend her or not. In all honesty, Eloise didn’t think he cared at this point. The only thought on that little guy’s mind right now – dinner. She chuckled as he gave an inquisitive sniff, his big cow-like eyes staring up at her with a tilt of his head before he looked back down at his silver dish, brushing it with his nose and causing it to collide with the island, the clashing sound echoing briefly in the room.

“Duke, man, we get you’re hung- Oh, you’re down there!” Calum stopped himself midsentence, registering Eloise sitting cross-legged next to the hungry pup.

“I didn’t know you had a dog,” Eloise spoked as she stroked the dog, Duke’s, head before hauling herself to a stand, lifting his food bowl as she handed to Calum over the island-top, “If I’d known you had a dog, I would have said yes to a date a lot quicker. He’s adorable.”

“You hear that, mate?” Calum laughed, looking down at his canine friend, “You’ve got more lady luck than your old man.”

“He’s your secret weapon.” Eloise joked, giggling lightly as she leaned on the counter and watched as Calum fed the small pup.

She couldn’t help her eyes from drifting over to the pot that sat on the countertop on the other end of the kitchen, her curiosity getting the better of her as she moved towards it, her nose beginning to sense the smell of spices as well as a million other delicious smells that drifted from the pot. “What’s this?” She asked, reaching to lift the lid before Calum stopped her.

“That’s actually leftovers from last night,” He chuckled, “I was gonna order some takeout for us as I don’t have much in the cupboards and it seems easier to order in than make something that I don’t know if you’ll actually like.”

“What are they leftovers of?” She asked him, ignoring his idea of takeout as she lifted the pot lid, smiling to herself as she examined the food inside. It looked so good - definitely more appealing that a cheap takeaway.

“I had tried out a new recipe that I found online. I attempted to make Mongolian beef, and it ended up being edible, but I would still say takeout tastes better.” He tried to tactfully excuse Eloise from the kitchen, subtly trying to place the lid back onto the pot. He seemed to be embarrassed at his attempt at cooking.

“It probably tastes better than anything I can cook,” She shrugged, looking at him with a comforting smile, “Why don’t we just eat the rest of this? ‘T means we don’t need to wait for the food to eventually arrive, we just need to heat this up and cook some rice or something to go with it.”

“El, we don’t have to do that, there’s a pizza place literally around the corn- “

“You can order pizza if you want, but I’m gonna have some of this. Now, where do you keep your bowls?” She walked further into the middle of the kitchen, beginning to pull open cupboards as she searched for a bowl to heat her meal in.

Calum watched on as she searched, her hands collecting utensils that she thought she would need, placing them out onto the kitchen counter. “Am I not supposed to be treating you for a first date? But instead I’m letting you eat leftovers from my own dinner last night.”

“You can try and stop me, but just know it won’t end well for you.” She shrugged; a teasing smile hidden from Calum as she turned to spoon some of the aromatic heaven from the big pot into a smaller one.

He contemplated trying to stop her, to insist that he buy them a pizza, but something told him there was no changing her mind. She seemed persistent in eating what he had prepared the previous night and she seemed happy to embrace his attempt at cooking something new.

“For god’s sake Calum, just eat with me please,” She sighed, a hint of frustration teasing her voice as Calum stood there with his phone in his grip, seeming to still be contemplating ordering some form of takeaway, “Luckily for you I am the master of reheating food, so sit back and let me work my magic.”

*****

Eloise smiled widely as she place her empty bowl down on the coffee table, smiling at Calum as he ate his last few bites. “You’ve seriously got some hidden talent in the kitchen, that was so tasty.” She smiled widely, taking a sip of her beer before she rested it back down on the coaster.

“I’m glad you liked it, it’s nice to have someone else’s opinion who I can actually understand,” He laughed, “Duke will eat almost anything he can get and as much as I can appreciate his excitement by him wagging his tail I have to admit some human validation is nice.”

Eloise took his empty bowl from him, piling with hers before sitting back on the couch, turning so she faced Calum fully, her legs curling beneath as she admired the man sitting opposite her in his laid-back attire. The navy t-shirt he wore hugged his torso beautifully, the skinny jeans clinging to his legs in all the right places as he sat on the couch, head resting against his fist as he rested his focus on her.

“So, how long have you lived in New York?” She asked, trying to kick off a conversation in the hopes of avoiding awkward small talk. “When I met you that night, I noticed your accent was a bit varied, if you get what I mean, there was a hint of something in there that I couldn’t quite work out,”

He couldn’t stop the small chuckle that he let out at her comment. “I moved here when I was 18, lived in Los Angeles briefly before coming here, and before that I lived in Australia for years as it’s where I grew up,” He smiled as he talked about where he had been, “Left Sydney to try and find something new elsewhere, discovered that the New York Police Academy were taking applications, thought to give it a shot, and now all these years later, I’m here.”

Eloise noted the pride he seemed to carry when he talked about where he came from, talking about his journey from where he started to where he is now, elaborating throughout their discussion, talking about his family; his parents who still lived in Australia while his sister who lived in London for the past few years. His family seemed very well travelled, having been all over the world to visit one another and spend holidays together.

She noted to herself that she needed to ask more about his job – it was the whole reason why she was even here. Although she had to keep reminding herself of that every time she cracked smiled at him.

“Being a cop in New York must get pretty hectic. I can’t imagine the kind of things you see on a daily basis,” She spoke out, her hands cradling her beer as she tilted her head and watched while he listened, “This city is full of different kinds of people; killers, drug dealers, rapists, every imaginable kind of scum… this city is littered with them and we live amongst them while you guys risk your lives trying to catch them in order to protect the people who live here. It’s something to truly be admired.” She registered his nod as a response to her words, her sigh shallow as she took a breath and readied herself to ask another question, “What kind of investigations do you lead in your department anyway, if you don’t mind me asking? Do you guys specialise in certain areas or is it just whatever comes your way?”

Was she sounding too interested? Maybe. Did she care? No. She wanted to know what and who she was dealing with. She had a job to do, this was her way of gaining intel; information she could use to her advantage at a later date.

“A few different matters tend to come our way: homicides, narcotics, things like that. We’ve recently expanded the gang unit as well, that now comes through our precinct, so we keep track of what goes on behind the scenes of gangs like the White Wolves, the Calavera’s, the Ryders,” He listed off a few notorious names, watching as her eyes kept in line with his, “The unit specialises in taking down the groups of criminals in the city, and those three are only a selected few of who we’re chasing.”

Eloise’s heart hit rock bottom at his words, praying he didn’t notice her breath pick up as she tried to keep her composure, watching as he sighed and went to take a sip of his own beer that he had grabbed from the table. She knew they would be after the Gypsy Kings as well, silently thanking her lucky stars that he didn’t mention them. Yet.

But Calum knew she was relieved at the absence of her own gang’s name, having noticed as her body language had subtly changed as he talked about the purpose behind the hunt. Calum knew who she ran with and it surprised him that he wanted to tell her that he knew, but was it worth it? To sell himself out all because he thought she was pretty and thought she may actually like him? Was Calum enough of a mug to believe that a violent, pretty, young girl could be attracted to a law-abiding detective? Maybe.

“Why do you want to hunt them out so badly?” She asked, mentally slapping herself as soon as the words left her mouth, “Let me rephrase that, surely some are more dangerous than others, why not just go after the ones who cause physical harm to the innocent? If they aren’t hurting anyone, is it such a bad thing that they give themselves an odd name and call themselves tough?”

“It is when the Lieutenant’s obsessed with them,” He returned, “Especially Charlie, I mean, he’s got this fixation on capturing them all. He claims he wants to make New York a safer city but it’s getting out of hand, I think… I think he needs help, but no one has the guts to tell him he’s taking it too far. He wants revenge against the those who had wronged the city and it seems as though he’ll go to any length just to get what he wants.”

Eloise’s chest hitched at the acknowledgement of the police Lieutenant. His face being one that she couldn’t forget, one that brought back a sickening twist within her stomach as she recalled the times she had been graced with his presence in the past.

“I know someone like that,” She admitted, smiling sadly as she stared down at the bottle in her lap, “Someone who’s so hungry for control, for power, that something which starts of as a reasonable demand becomes such an unhealthy obsession. It causes them to blur the boundary lines of what’s reasonable and what’s flat-out wrong.”

Calum’s eyes noted how her eyes seemed to drift, wondering what she was thinking as she sat there on his couch. Her body tensed as she thought back the times years ago when she was dragged into the station, her wrists burning as they remembered the nipping sensation of the handcuffs, the tight grip of larger hands on her forearms as she was dragged and pushed into interrogation rooms. It felt as though someone had lit Eloise on fire, her chest igniting as the memories flowed through her body as if they were as fresh as yesterday.

The Australian’s eyes watched as her body worked at calming itself, sitting back and watching as he gave her a moment that she didn’t know she needed, his memory travelling back to earlier that day.

Calum sat at his desk, his curiosity getting the better of him as he urged to pull up her file on their system. He achingly denied that Nikki’s words had impacted him in some way, the word dangerous resonating in the back of his mind. But Calum knew better than to ignore the nagging voice in the back of his head when his curiosity spiked. He wanted to know just how dangerous she was claimed to be; to see if he should fear the girl who he was supposed to see later that night.

The office was quiet for a change, many of the officers being out on a call or already having taken their lunch break. His fingers worked on his keyboard, his teeth barely nipping at the inside of his lip as he searched through the database on his screen. His eyes briefly scanned the first new names that opened up, sighing as he filtered through the text, finding the file that he debated opening. The click of the mouse dimly echoed in his ears as another window opened on his screen, a picture of a young brunette making itself present alongside a detailed history. Calum couldn’t help but notice how young she looked in the mugshot on screen, her eyes dull and broken, her lip nursing a rather aggressive cut along it, her hair was shorter; the colour still as vibrant as he had been a witness to that morning.

The words in the file then caught his attention, the long list of recorded events blurring together as Calum sifted through them. He skimmed over the word ‘possession’, reading the briefing that detailed that a collection of evidence didn’t hold together at trial and she was released with a non-guilty verdict at 18. Another record was found detailing an altercation when she was 16 in a subway station, being arrested for brandishing a weapon, not many details on that arrest other than she was bailed out by her uncle due to her young age. He read the history of her troubled demeanour, noting her aggression during questioning as well as aggravation towards numerous officers.

The family link caught his attention next, his eyes scanning over the blue hyperlink that stood out on the white page. His hand trailed the mouse over the screen, opening the link before he could argue with himself. His brain kept repeating, ‘If you’re going on a date with a criminal, you should know what to expect’ when really what it wanted to say was something along the lines of ‘You’re crazy. You shouldn’t go’ but her beauty intrigued him, as did everything else about her.

What was so fascinating about a troubled girl? What did she have that made Calum want her?

He was greeted with two newly opened windows on his computer, both labelled as deceased files. He took an uneasy breath, rolling his lips inside of his mouth as he picked the one of the left side to investigate first. He couldn’t hold back the expression of grimace at the photograph of the body on the cold morgue slab, sighing as he quickly minimised it, being left with the detailed document that came with the file. He read over the name, a regrettable sigh of realisation leaving his nose as his eyes followed down, reading the notes containing the tragic story and medical history of the woman in the photograph and how she had met her end. Calum’s heart tugged with sorrow at the thought of a woman, so young, meeting a brutal ending like what he had read. His dark eyes read each word with haste, the detailed description of her injuries bringing images to Calum’s mind he couldn’t bear to picturise.  

Further down the page, he found details of when her body was examined by the medical examiners; stating that she suffered severe blunt force trauma to her head, as well as a bullet to the temple before she was abandoned and left to bleed out where she was found. His stomach erupted in nerves, his mind thinking of his own family and trying to think what he would do in that situation, but he couldn’t even begin to interpret what that would be like. His eyes caught sight of the final few words on the page of the open file, reading them with intent as he pieced together what was in front of him.

The body of Natalia Gray was discovered in the evening of September 17th in 2007 by her daughter, Eloise. The 11-year-old phoned the emergency services, explaining that her mother was hurt and needed help. She mentioned that there had been some shouting as unknown men came into her home, resulting her mother ushering her in a cupboard beneath the stairs in order to protect her. Natalia was DOA. Cause of death depicted as gunshot wound to the head, labelled as murder. Details of examination were handed over to Lieutenant White for pending investigation.

Examination: September 18th, 2007

Calum released a disappointed sigh, scanning over Charlie’s title a few times as he continued down the document, expecting to find further recordings of the investigation into the murder of this woman who he learnt to be Eloise’s mother, but what he found was nothing. The file ended abruptly and had remained unchanged since the input date back in 2007. Why wasn’t it investigated further? If her death was ruled as a murder, then why was there no case file attached? Calum couldn’t help but fear that his Lieutenant’s craze for the Gypsy Kings ran so deep that his blood had turned cold. His distaste clouding his morals as he discarded a murder investigation of a child’s mother, tossing it to the side as if it was an insignificant gum wrapper. He swallowed an apprehensive breath that had hitched in his throat, his eyes staying trained on the lit-up window in front of him as he made the decision to continue.

His fingers worked as he closed the file, removing it from his screen before his dark eyes met the remaining open window on his monitor, letting out a deep breath as he prepared himself to read what he could only imagine would hold the same amount of tragedy as the first file. The name was the first thing to be seen, the name of the notorious Thomas Gray welcoming his brown eyes, as two pictures appeared that were attached to the document; one being a mugshot while the other matched the one of the lady before: his cold face as he lay on the chilling metal table of the morgue. His eyes followed through the endless stream of words, skimming the graphic details of the inhuman acts he had committed throughout the years. Calum fought with the logical side of his brain that battled with the human side, trying to block it out as he attempted to read the file as if he were an outsider looking in on a damaged family, watching as a story unfolded before him.

He noted the numerous narcotics dealings the man had hijacked, the murders he had been associated with, and the endless list of robberies he had conducted across the city and also out of state. Calum had heard the stories of what he had done throughout his time with the Gypsy Kings, the stories circling the throughout every inch of the city, but Calum never expected to see it in writing. Did Eloise know about all of this? He didn’t understand why she was his first thought when it came to this. Maybe because it was her dad? Maybe there was another reason why his heart ached at the thought her suffering with this knowledge…

Calum acknowledged the few straggling officers walking around him, ignoring what he could only dread they would say if they were to see him pulling up old files that had no affiliations with the investigations that he was currently leading.

His eyes caught the closing statement of the examination, letting them draw to a close, his eyelashes brushing against his cheeks as he let out an almost broken sigh, his head hanging low as he broke contact with the screen midsentence. He couldn’t believe what he was reading. The words stung without him realising, his body somehow numb to the pain of his heart as he thought of the girl he barely knew. How could someone witness what she had seen at such a young age, on more than one occasion, and carry on? Calum couldn’t comprehend it.

But neither did Eloise, but Calum was yet to learn that.

He let his head rest in his hand as he continued to read the sentence from where his eyes had broken from, his gut twisting almost painfully as he pushed himself to come to the end of the string of brutal words.

Thomas Gray’s body was discovered in the living room of his own home on 4th April in 2011. He was found by his daughter, Eloise, when she returned from a shopping trip, but the emergency services were contacted by an older male who remained nameless. Thomas was found with a Glock 17 in his hand with the chamber empty, a hole found in the left side of his head that matches the bullets that belong the weapon. Gunshot residue was discovered on his hands and clothes, the impact of the shot coming from a short distance resulting in a quick death. Thomas was DOA. Cause of death depicted as suicide. Details of examination were handed over to Lieutenant White for pending investigation.

Examination: April 7th, 2011.

Again, the notes were passed to Lieutenant White once the examination was complete. And again, Calum found that the file ended abruptly; no further investigation notes and no case file attached. Both deaths seeming to have been brushed under a rug and forgotten. Something didn’t feel right, Calum could sense it. Even the examination date seemed to have something incredulous about it. His nimble fingers worked as he closed Thomas’s file, his brown eyes suddenly meeting Eloise’s younger ones as he was graced with her picture yet again. He must’ve forgotten to close her lead.

Nikki’s warning of Eloise replayed yet again, almost as if now it made some sort of sense. Of course, she was dangerous, she was a grieving young woman who had to grow up without her parents. A young woman who had forgone a great tribulation, one that Calum could only imagine that burdened her with great pain and suffering.

Calum couldn’t help but wonder if she spoke to people. If she spoke to someone about the deaths of her parents or if she even acknowledged them?

Who was he kidding, of course she acknowledged them, you fool!

Eloise thought about them every day, he had no idea of the pain that she suffered for years, it only growing more intense as each year passed. And Calum couldn’t help but to, deep down, have the inkling, the desire to be the one to heal her.

For a man who hadn’t even learnt where in New York the girl called home, he couldn’t stop his heart from wishing to be the home that she searched for.

He couldn’t tear his eyes from her lips as they pressed against the lip of the bottle, her head craning back, giving him a full view of the expenditure of her neck, the faded bruises from their night together still fresh in his mind as he thought of the areas they covered, reimaging the process of painting her skin once more. “What’re you staring at, hm?” She smirked, her eyes sparkling beneath the yellow-toned overhead light.

It was as if something took over him, something took control as he let himself submit to the urge that was burning inside him. Calum’s eyes seem to darken with hunger as he watched her lips move, every syllable announced with perfection, the teasing tone of her voice rippling through him as she looked at him. It was enough to throw him off his game, and boy did it.

“An unhealthy obsession.” He spoke softly, their gazes settling on one another for slightly longer this time, her eyes catching his lips briefly as the tip of his tongue poked out the lick along the bottom bit of flesh. She tried to swallow the growing lump in her throat as casually as possible, praying she somehow didn’t grab any more of his attention as she felt the heat down her back begin to rise as his eyes burned into her own.

Calum couldn’t stop himself, his body and voice moving too fast that his brain couldn’t keep up. He hadn’t felt an urge this strong before, as if something were pulling him towards her, the pull so strong that it was impenetrable. The cliché of ‘it’s so wrong it’s so right’ was rather fitting for the attraction but it was so much more than that. Calum felt the pull to her like a magnet, like a duck to water, it felt so natural to him and he didn’t understand why.

“It’s not good for you, y’know,” She whispered, her voice surprising her as it held up, unable to fight the flutter in her chest as he moved towards her, his hand prying the green bottle from her fingers as he returned it to the coaster on the coffee table, his own bottle being placed next to it, meanwhile his eyes never losing their gaze with her dark ones. “It can destroy you and everything you love if you let it. So, are you really willing to dance with the devil just to get a taste of what you want?”

“I’ll dance through hell a thousand times over if it means I can kiss you right now.”

Their faces were mere inches from each other, their warm breaths mixing together as they froze in place, the tension between them in the room clouding both their judgment. The plan was working perfectly for Eloise but her mind didn’t even cross it, her constant reminders of it being strictly business were nowhere to be heard as her eyes searched his, finding the dark abyss within them and it becoming somewhere she desperately wanted to explore.

Something inside of both of them screamed at them to stop but they couldn’t hear it over the sound of their hearts thrashing in their ears, the world around them seeming as if it was non-existent; all that breathed around them were their bodies as they slowly closed the distance between them. It felt as if her breath was stolen as his lips connected with her pink flesh, Eloise’s heart almost crashing to a halt as his hands cupped her delicate face as he kissed her.

It wasn’t like their first kiss together in the back of the taxi, instead it being much like the kisses they shared when they had laid in bed and held one another, their brains on a gentle buzz from the alcohol they had drank at the club, but even then, this time it was better.

Her hands found the collar of his shirt, unsure of what to do with the limbs, unsure of where to place them. Why did this feel so wrong but so right? Why did Eloise’s head scream for her to pull away, but her heart told her to keep going?

Han’s voice screamed in her ears as Calum continued his gentle assault on her lips. She tried to block it out, playing it off as telling herself that it was part of the plan, that it was the scheme they had arranged. So, why did her heart hurt every time she said it? Why did a piece of guilt eat at her as if she were lying to herself every time their lips connected in a beautiful kiss?

Could Eloise- No of course not… Eloise was loyal to the Gypsy Kings, having devoted her life to their cause – although she didn’t know what that really was. She dedicated every day to making sure the gang moved forward, that their legacy continued to grow. She wasn’t about to let a crush get in the way of that, or was she? Why did the voice in her head scream at her to tell him the truth already, as if she had just placed a dangerous bet down at the roulette table in Las Vegas? Why was she listening? Surely, she couldn’t betray those who kept a roof over her head, she couldn’t rat them out to the police after not even a day of this plan being put into action.

For the amount of times Eloise was told to get out of her head, she certainly basked in it too often.

She let a soft moan slip as she felt his fingers slide with ease into her hair at the back of her head, a gentle sting resonating in the back of her skull as he tugged at it without realising. She couldn’t help the excited shudder than rippled through her as one of his hands found her thigh, the smooth touch gliding up the material of her jeans as it found her waist, the nimble fingers of the handsome Australian slipping beneath the oversized sweatshirt, his warm touch meeting her hot skin in an enticing dance. Eloise couldn’t ignore how her heart rattled within the imprisonment of her chest, the feeling reminding her of how a hammer repeatedly bangs against a nail, the force almost painful against her ribcage.

The feeling excited her but also petrified her; an estranged hum in her stomach at the sensation he created. Eloise allowed herself to get lost in the kiss, Calum’s hands only grasping her waist as he lifted her with ease, settling her in his lap, never allowing a moment for their lips to detach as she pressed herself against him. Their fronts connected as Eloise straddled the handsome detective, her mind blurring as for a moment she forgot where she was and why she was doing this in the first place, allowing herself to become lost in the world of Calum, travelling down an unknown path on an uncharted adventure with no way of knowing how she was supposed to go back. And she didn’t entirely mind.

---

Tag List: @steviemae​

[khrrarepairweek]

Frequently Asked Questions

I’m curious, what is this week all about?

KHR Rarepair Week is a fanweek dedicated to the many rare ships of our beloved manga/anime series, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

Awesome! So what exactly do I have to do?

Anything you can think of! As long as it is your original work, it will be gladly accepted.

Do you like writing? Fanfiction is the air we breathe!

You’re savvy with editing? Gifs/graphics are a delight.

You’re an amazing artist? Fanart is our lifeblood!

Perhaps you have a lot of ideas, or maybe a list of songs that remind you of a certain rare pair? Headcanons and fanmixes or AMV’s are always welcome! So are songs, cosplay, moodboards and any kind of other fanworks!

Again, as long as it is original (not reposted… that’s a no-no, tsk tsk), then anything under the sun is possible.

However, if a certain post happened to inspire you, then we say go for it! Just remember to credit the original poster, and please do make sure that the inspired work is an original one as well.

Alright, let’s do this! *has completely no idea what to do/is overwhelmed with a lot of ideas* Uhmm, help?

Fear not, dear one! We try to provide a list of prompts that might help guide your creativity. .

Next to that, if you have no idea what pairing to write for, we have a list of suggestions right here: x  (Please note: this list was compiled in 2018, please cross-reference this with our list of the current top 10 AO3 pairings before starting to write. The top ten changes from time to time).

Remember: The prompts are just your guides, and doesn’t have to be followed to a T. If you’re inspired by something else, then go for it! Everything is also subject to your own interpretation, so have fun playing with them.

Aw, bummer. I don’t think I’ll be able to do all of them. Is it alright if I skip a day or just choose a particular day?

It is most certainly alright! Don’t worry, it’s a lot of days and a lot of prompts too! No need to feel pressured.

Just Keep Calm and Rarepair On!

(Alternately) I want to do all of them, but I won’t be able to post it on the day itself! Can I submit/post it beforehand?

As much as possible, we are encouraging creators to post on the day of the given prompt, in their most convenient time. Also, Tumblr has this nifty little thing called ‘queue’, which lets you schedule a post, so you might want to consider that option. But, if both are not feasible, then please tell us so, and we’ll make accommodations. However, please know that we will post it on the day the chosen prompt was scheduled.

But I love both of the prompts! Can I submit more than one work a day?

Of course! The more KHR rarepair content, the better! Just make sure to label/tag/link properly so we’re not reblogging duplicates. We suggest including the prompt used in the body of the post, so we can also identify where it’s supposed to go in the blog’s tagging system. Feel free to do multiple pieces for one day/prompt!

Are NSFW entries allowed?

We accept NSFW submissions, but as we want to make this blog and this week accessible to all parties, we won’t directly be reblogging these submissions. Instead, we’ll post a list of all NSFW submissions made to each prompt at the end of the day. You are, of course, strongly urged to post your work to the AO3 collection, regardless of whether or not your works are SFW.

Please make it a point to label/tag NSFW and trigger-warnings appropriately.

(This is to ensure that no one accesses NSFW content without knowing exactly what they’re walking into. Or accidentally reads any work with content that could potentially trigger/upset them.)

I have my own blog though. Can’t I just post it there?

It’s your work, so of course you can post it there, silly goose! Then we are going to reblog it from there.

The purpose of this blog is just to collate all the works, so fans would have a go-to place if they want to see/check out the works again.

Basically, this blog exists for archiving and posterity’s sake.

*squints eyes* Are you sure you’re going to reblog it?

We will, promise. Scout’s Honor! We have to ask you to follow the tagging guidelines properly though.

Our tracked tag is #khrrarepairweek2020 (or, in case of a mini-event, the appropriate mini-event tag mentioned on the prompt post), so please make sure that they are within the first five tags of your work.

You may also link the blog directly, in the body of your post.

But, should it happen that we missed your post for some reasons, then feel free to send us a message, and maybe a link so we can reblog it.

But what about me? I’m too shy to post it in my own blog (>_<) Can I submit directly here instead?

Sure! The submission box is open just for that. :)

This is all so interesting, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to fully participate, but I really do support your cause. What can I do to help?

Thank you for the interest! Reblogging the announcement post whenever you come across it would be very helpful in spreading the word and recruiting more people to join our cause. Please help us signal boost as much as you can!

What counts as a rarepair?

As we only accept rare pairings, it’s logical this would come up! Our definition of rare pairing is as follows: any pairing not in the top ten pairings on AO3. That means we do not accept entries with these pairings:

Gokudera Hayato/Yamamoto Takeshi

Reborn/Sawada Tsunayoshi

Superbi Squalo/Xanxus

Hibari Kyouya/Sawada Tsunayoshi

Gokudera Hayato/Sawada Tsunayoshi

Dino/Hibari Kyouya

Hibari Kyouya/Rokudou Mukuro

Sawada Tsunayoshi/Xanxus

Rokudou Mukuro/Sawada Tsunayoshi

Reborn & Sawada Tsunayoshi

Everything else, however, is fair game.

Do threesomes count or are you just accepting "pair" pairs?

Threesomes are fine and so is poly and/or harem!

I was just wondering for this rare pair does it have to be romantic ships or can it be like platonic ships as well?

We accept all kinds of ships for this event, including platonic and aromantic! The content we’re attempting to generate aims at fics that have interaction between characters who don’t always interact with each other, so all kinds of interaction are lovely. How explicit, inexplicit, ship-py or not you want to make this interaction is up to you.

If I already have a work in progress, can I add it to the collection regardless of how long I posted it on AO3? Or does it have to be a brand new work for the rarepair week?

This is a perfectly valid question, but I’m afraid we’re going to have to say no. Mostly because, while we’d love to have your work, this week was started because all of us wanted to generate more content for rare pairs in the fandom. Meaning linking works that have already been posted or are WIPs defeats the purpose.

However, we’re happy to have offshoots of a previously published work, or a WIP! Meaning, if you’d like to write and submit a separate one-shot set in the same ‘verse as your WIP for the week, we’d be glad to have it.

I’m writing fic for my entries, are there any word count restrictions? 

No, entries can be however long you want. You could have a multi-chaptered fic, or write one-shots, whatever you like! The goal of the KHR rarepair week is creating more content, so don’t feel the need to set the bar high if you don’t feel like it! A 100-word drabble? More than enough if that’s what you want to do!

On the Topic of OC Ships In the 2018 event, we allowed Canon Character/OC ships. At the time, there was no definite conclusion that us mods could come to so we decided to allow OC ships and would revisit it at a later time. We mods have finally come to answer.

We have chosen to define the following:

Rarepair – a pairing between canonical characters that is not popular.

Popular – in the top ten relationship tags on archiveofourown.org

Canonical Characters – a character we know at least the following 1) their name, 2) their appearance 3) the tiniest bits of personality and ideally 4) history. A loose rule of thumb: Can you google them and find canonical information? If yes, then you’re good.

Based on the definitions above, we regret to say that OC Ships are not allowed. And as always, crossover ships are allowed. (Crossover characters fit our canonical character definition, despite them not being from KHR)

We hope you’ve learned enough about the event! If you still have questions, just hit the ask box and we’ll get back to you as soon as the mods are able! :)

We would like to thank the lovely mods of @kurodai-week​ for allowing us to use their FAQ as a base!

[sebseyesandbuckysthighs]

Three Soldiers and a Baby | Part Eight

summary: Three handsome bachelors find their day to day operations disrupted when an unexpected new roommate (who comes complete with a diaper and a pacifier) shows up at their doorstep. How will they deal with this new and baffling responsibility without losing their minds or killing each other in the process?

pairings: Bucky x Reader (eventual) featuring Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

warnings: none, just make-believe goodness, and some swearing

a/n: Well, we’re back with another chapter! I’ll be honest with you, I nearly forgot about posting this chapter today. I spent the weekend at home, but now I’m back at my place and literally putting this in my queue with only a half hour left. 😆 Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

*warning to mobile users, the “keep reading” tab may not work so apologies in advance*

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 |

| previously |

It was past midnight when a click stirred Steve from his sleep. He thought perhaps Ellie had woken up and was fussing around in her bassinet, but when he looked over she was still sound asleep. He thought perhaps it was Sam’s light snores that woke him, but they hadn’t before and when he heard the click again he knew something was off. He tossed a pillow at Sam to wake him, gently of course, and just as he did something crashed at the front hallway. Sam was awake just as Steve leapt to grab his shield from beside the couch. Both were on high alert as to who the hell could have broken into their apartment. They both circled in front of Ellie protectively, moving forward inch by inch until suddenly all the lights went on. Steve threw his shield toward the door and instead of it knocking out whoever dared to trespass into their home, a metal hand caught it with a deafening clang.

“What the hell?” The deep sharp register of a man’s voice yelled out in the night.

“Bucky?” whispered Steve just as Sam growled, “Barnes!”

The three men stared each other down as the threat of danger faded away and heart rates returned to somewhat normal levels. Before anyone could say another word, though, there was a soft huff heard from the living room just before a wailing cry pierced into the night.

Bucky’s eyes widened dramatically and his skin paled slightly. “What the hell is that?”

———————————————————————

“What the hell are you doing here?” Sam exclaimed as he glared daggers at the infamous soldier.

“I live here?” Bucky said rhetorically. “So much for a, “Welcome home, buddy” or a “How’d the mission go, pal?” The hell’s a-matter with you guys anyways? And what’s that noise?” He started inching closer to them only to be blocked off by the pair.

“You want a nice welcome home, how about I strangle you with my bare hands for a nice welcome home!” Sam was about to lunge at Bucky, but Steve had anticipated the attack and yanked him back by the collar of his sleep shirt. Bucky was a little thrown off by the active hostility and the tension in the room wasn’t getting any better with the baby crying in the background. Steve was a little annoyed with Bucky himself, though.

“We thought someone was breaking in,” Steve said defensively as he placed his fists high on his hips. 

The statement made Bucky stare at his friend, both confused and amused. “Breaking in? With a key?” He laughed. “Damn, you guys are intense tonight. What’s gotten into the two of ya’s?”

The crying got more frantic and deafening as the men slowly backed into the living room. It was Steve that broke first and lurched over to Ellie, effortlessly scooping her up, and in seconds flat was calming her down after all the commotion.

All Bucky could do was stare as his best friend held a screaming baby in his hands, rocking her back and forth and murmuring soft words to her. He was frozen in place, shocked at the scenario he found himself in suddenly. The living room looked like a tornado had casually passed through it. He tried zoning in on what was going on between his two friends, but he couldn’t seem to focus on that spot where they were standing.

“Guys, what is that?” he asked shakily.

“Dammit, Barnes. What’s she look like? A labradoodle?” Sam patronized.

“That’s a baby. What’s a baby doing here?” Bucky’s voice sounded far away even to himself as he sputtered out his words. “Who’s is it?” he asked, gravely. 

“She,” Steve said proudly. “Her name’s Ellie.”

“Elizabeth actually,” pointed out Sam, puffing up a pillow on his couch and flopping down onto the cushion. “As for her last name that’s up for debate. For right now, though, you could say that her last name is Barnes.”

Bucky turned ashen as Sam said the words. Petrified and stunned into complete silence, his heart beating faster than he ever remembered it doing so. His jaw was so tense that the sound of his teeth grinding together somewhat woke Bucky from his trance. What the hell were they talking about?

“You better sit down for this one, Buck.” Steve said calmly, gently placing a fast asleep Ellie back into her bassinet. “It’s a bit of a long story.”

* * * * * * * * * * 

“The fuck do you mean you don’t know where she is?” Bucky exclaimed, his fists held firmly at his sides. He was about to go off again when both Steve and Sam told him to shut up before he woke the baby again. Bucky looked apprehensively at the little bundle in the other room, needing to grip onto the island countertop when he saw her again. He still hadn’t even begun to process the baby thing when he was too busy worrying about her mother.

For the past year and a few odd months, Bucky wasn’t able to get you off of his mind. Finding you after all he had been through, and all you had been through during the day you two met, was like a shining star at the end of a long dark tunnel. Thirteen months he spent with you secretly by his side and Bucky couldn’t remember a happier time in his life. A time that he hadn’t been able to find again since. The end of the relationship came abruptly and without any cause or reason. Everything had been going so well until one day, with tears in your eyes, you told Bucky that it had to end. He fought you on it for hours, even went so far as to beg and plead with you to reconsider, but you would just tearfully shut him down. He grew suspicious about your reasons, clearly seeing that it was breaking you apart as much as it was him. Yet you kept insisting.

So Bucky went away. For your sake he thought because if it was up to him he would still be fighting you to this day to take him back. He only realized when it was much too late what his desperation was really trying to tell him. Now you were missing. Probably scared and alone too. At least enough to leave behind the child the two of you brought into this world together. Except you weren’t together. You had been all alone when Ellie was born and for months still after that. Bucky was smart enough to know that raising a baby on your own was the hardest kind of work there was. He felt sick to his stomach that he wasn’t there for you and worried to his core now that you were nowhere to be found. There was one part of the letter he kept seeing over and over in his mind, unable to shake it. 

“I needed to leave her with someone I know I could trust. I’m so sorry, Bucky. Please don’t hate me. Take care of our little girl.”

What kind of trouble could she have possibly been in that she couldn’t come to him with in the first place. “Where could she be, though? What happened to her? Oh god.” Bucky exhaled sharply. “Fuck. I need to go find her.” He pushed away from the island and rushed away towards the front door, but was stopped by both Sam and Steve who barricaded him back into the kitchen. 

“Hold on, Buck. We’ll figure that out together. We’ll fix this.” Steve reassured.

“Just calm down, man.” Even Sam sympathized with Bucky at this point. He could see the genuine worry on the soldier’s face.

“But why wouldn’t she come to me? I could have helped her. Could have protected her.” Bucky dropped his head, ashamed and upset. “Should have protected her.”

“She did come to you, Bucky.” Steve said, then pointed over to the living room. “The proof is right over there.” 

“Okay listen, Barnes. Just breathe for a second and hear me out.” Sam moved closer to Bucky, resting a firm hand on the man’s flesh and muscle shoulder. “When a woman says, “I need you to do this for me,” then that’s it. You do it. Without question. Cause otherwise she would handle it herself. This woman trusts you enough to leave her child with you. Now there’s no accounting for tastes here, but I think you owe her this much. Trust her to know what she’s doing just like she trusts you enough to take care of her baby.” Sam paused, looked back at Ellie and then straight to Bucky again. “Your baby.”

Bucky still had a look of apprehension on his face, but even he had to admit that Sam was right. Still silent, he took a deep breath in and out before he decided on what he would do next. This was a big step forward in his life and he absolutely could not risk screwing it up. With one final goodbye to his old days, Bucky looked off into the living room at the small basket that stood out like a beacon in the once upon a time bachelor pad. As far as he was concerned, that frilly bassinet in there held his future.

With a resolute nod, Bucky puffed out his chest and nodded. “You’re right. That’s my baby in there and I’m gonna do right by her. But you guys promise that we’ll do something about finding her?” He referred to you. Both Sam and Steve nodded in genuine agreement. “Alright then. I’m gonna go meet my baby girl.”

Steve and Sam remained back in the kitchen as Bucky took measured steps towards the living room where his daughter currently slept. While he was making his way over there, Steve turned to Sam and pat his friend firmly on the shoulder. “That was a nice thing you did for Buck, Sam. You may act like you don’t like him, but you really came through for him just now. I appreciate that.”

Sam just smiled and nodded proudly. “Not bad huh, Cap?” He stopped nodding then gave his friend a wicked side-eye. “But actually what I did just now was set that man up for a sleepless night after an almost week long mission. Not to mention that little girl had green beans for lunch and dinner today.” Sam sighed happily and walked away towards the bathroom for a quick shower, leaving a bewildered Steve and clueless Bucky behind.

Bucky didn’t even notice Sam walking away as he slowly inched closer and closer. He was just glad no one called him out on taking his sweet time getting there. When he finally reached the edge of her bassinet, Bucky felt as though all the air left within his lungs rushed out in a single exhale. Looking down at the slumbering face of his daughter was almost too surreal for Bucky to handle. In that moment he was sure that she was the most beautiful being in existence. “Holy shit. She looks just like her mom,” Bucky quietly whispered, his voice hoarse from all the emotions flowing through him. “She’s fucking beautiful.”

Steve had remained quiet as he watched the scene between his best friend and his daughter. He too was overcome with emotion, but was holding it together better than Bucky was. He walked forward to join the pair and noticed the moisture building up in Bucky’s eyes while he continued to stare at Ellie. “Yeah she is, Buck. Congratulations, man.” 

Bucky finally looked away from his daughter, a light stream of tears flowing down his cheeks as he reached out to his best friend and pulled him into a tight hug.

———————————————————————

Feedback is always appreciated, leave it here!

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part seven << part eight >> part nine

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Series Masterlist

Full Masterlist

———————————————————————

tags:

@avengerofyourheart | @aboveordinarymusicgal | @absolukeyrh | @abswritesfandoms | @ashlieadelia | @a-timeheist | @avengersbabe13 | @avengerskeeper | @buckys-other-punk | @captainamericasbeard | @captainwinterfalcon | @crazinessgraveyardsandcartoons | @curvybihufflepuff | @depressedpolishgirl | @desigirlworld | @divinediego | @dumblani | @fab-notfat | @feelmyroarrrr | @gigistorm | @hiken-no-stark | @hv-chw3 | @igotkatiepowers | @izzys-addiction-for-fiction | @jesusbriskets | @kindnesswins | @kingcarterprince | @lil-stark | @lbouvet | @mcuwillbethedeathofme | @meanerface | @mileysebschmidt | @miss2001babe | @mizzzpink | @rachelle-on-the-run | @rainbowkisses31 | @redqueen1221 | @rraise-a-glass-to-freedom | @rumoured-whispers | @sassylittlesamoan | @scarlettsoldier | @sexyvixen7 | @sgtbxckybxrnes | @supernatural-fan-from-lithuania | @sunmoonandbucky | @tanelle83 | @thefridgeismybestie | @this-is-mycrisis | @unlikelygalaxygiver | @verymuchclosetedfangirl | @xxloki81xx | @yallneedtrek | @yknott81 | @yourpotatotwiceremooved | @3dsaunt

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

Are there any affirmations you won't do?

Yes. A few. I will not do any affirmations that might be harmful to someone else - affirming Group A at the expense of Group B.

As discussed previously, and written on my ask page, I cannot engage at all with anyone who is talking about suicide, as I am unqualified to deal with that and there is a risk I could do more harm than good.

Other than that, I don’t really have any specific policy of what I won’t do, and I’ll decide on a case-by-case basis. There’s been a few I’ve looked at and just gone “Oh wow, I am nowhere near equipped to deal with something this serious/complex!” and I’ve looked for the appropriate resources instead or posted a thing to say “I can’t publish your ask, but contact me and I’ll help you.”

If you don’t see your affirmation, it is possible that it’s been lost, but it may just be at the back of a very long queue. It might also be possible that it’s still sitting in my inbox while I wait until I have time to give it a longer response, or figure out what to say, or wait for advice from someone.

You can always send it again. If you do, and I HAVE already done it and it’s waiting in the queue, I’ll just figure that’s why you’ve sent it again and I’ll delete the new one. Or, if it’s a particularly common request, and I feel like it’s worth doing again, I’ll just write another!

[perpustakawan]

Asal Usul Bukit Tagiok

Published by Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka Brunei in an unknown year. Written by Lamat Ja’afar. Story told by Tasim Lamat. Illustrated by Rahim Ahmad.

Bukit Tagiok is a hill that’s believed to be the source of rivers in Brunei hundreds of years ago during a great drought that turned the land a brick shade of red. The drought was called ‘The Nine Year Drought’ (Kemarau sembilan tahun) and water was severely scarce to the point that many hills turned into volcanoes. A name dropped in this book is Bukit Tabor Bintang- a hill that was previously a volcano until rivers started flowing. Geographically, Brunei does not have volcanoes and though our lands are hilly, volcano formation is unlikely to happen but I want to point out something interesting and my own little theories.

The 9-year-long drought reduced the water source of the whole country to one single well in Kampong Manggis. The height of the water is less than one’s ankles and its situated at the far bottom of the well. Seven different ladders, tied together at each end had to be use for the villagers to climb up and down. Usually they would queue up but knowing Bruneian’s haughty, selfish and petty behavior, fights that end up with killing happened a lot over water. Every single day. With the glaring heat and a large body count of people, the living, plagued in fatigue merely piled the dead bodies on top of one another and covered them in buckets of dirt to make the buriers less guilty. These poorly made graves turned into hills over time. The two greater hills were called Pungsu Timbunan and they’re the closest to the well as that’s where the killing usually happened.  

After some time, a Chinese man appeared with a jambol (a kinda haircut) and in his hand was a hammer and a nail thing. Curious on what this stranger was doing in their bare Malay lands, the villagers watched him place the nail at the base of a hill and hammer away. Water flooded out of the base of hill to the low lands to create a river. The Malays were overjoyed and their life prospered because, just like the current events, it is China that helped this struggling nation.

The Chinese man disappeared and now, the villagers, faced a even bigger dilemma; the water kept rushing in non-stop that the lowlands are the riverbeds and the highlands are the new lowlands. Sharks, crocodiles and other ocean creatures migrated to the river, namely Sungai Damaran via a channel in Sungai Mangsalut. The Chinese man, who the locals fondly call ‘Kina Bejambol’ appears, no emotions in his face and put a giant-ass rock at the hill opening. The flood stop and our hero vanished again. After some time, the villagers found a giant caterpillar resting on the flat rock of the hill base and decided to name the hill after the caterpillar instead of the man who literally saved the whole country. The Tagiok in Bukit Tagiok derived from the Bruneian word ‘giok’ which means caterpillar.

Fun fact: the rock Kina Bejambol used was flat so it’s called Batu Betilam. It’s believed that if you knock on it hard enough, it’ll sound hollow, like a well full of water. I’m not entirely sure if you can find the hill in modern day as putting ‘Bukit Tagiok’ on Waze had no results. But! Sungai Mangsalut and Bukit Tabur Bintang does exist in current day! 

Perhaps, this story is based on real events- which brings me to:

THEORY TIME

The drought lasted for 9 years and there was no mention of a Sultan. My first theory was that the story took place in the era of the Bruneian Civil War that lasted for about 13 years. The same war that started over a cockfight and two sultans were fighting over the throne. With constant war, rations are low and the drought could just be symbolizing the dread, danger and neglect the people feel amidst war. Sabah during the time was under Brunei, so Sabah’s Mount Kinabalu’s name origin being from the word ‘Aki Nabalu’ – the revered place of the dead is such a coincidence with the Pungsu Timbunan in the story. Maybe their hill is made of piles of dead bodies too?

But that doesn’t match up. Mount Kinabalu has many origins, particularly involving widows and there isn’t a mention of a widow in this book. The events could not have happened during the Bruneian Civil war as its mentioned in history how one of the Sultans fled to Pulau Chermin, stuffed the royal crown and jewelries into a canon and shot it into the ocean where it remained lost. Water existed and Brunei back then wasn’t a barren land as chickens were healthy and used for cock fights- if there was a severe drought then, no one would have time to fool around with gambling with chickens.

This brings me to my second theory: the story took place wayyyyy longer in time. Before the first recorded sultan, Sultan Muhammad Shah came to the picture and Brunei back then, was ruled by an unknown chief who wasn’t Muslim. It’s noted from far back that Brunei, through different names had very close relationships with China so that might explain why our Chinese hero came to be. This makes sense cause, historically, Awang Alak Betatar (Sultan Muhammad Shah’s name before embracing Islam) and his siblings and crew screamed “BARU NAH” (‘There!’) on a SHIP meaning water was already present in the river canals.

But this doesn’t match up either because Kampong Manggis was mentioned in the story. There isn’t any historical records mentioning when Kampong Manggis was called Kampong Manggis. I don’t have info but the fact it’s only called Kampong Manggis instead of something more archaic sounding like, Tabur Bintang, Pandai Besi, gives me the impression that Kampong Manggis is a relatively new Kampong established in modern Brunei. I can’t even recall a folk story involving the kampong too so until further info is available, both my theories of this story is flawed.

Before I end this blog post, I wish to share that I am certain that his story isn’t a silly made up story like Dayang Dengan Timun because of the insert at the very first page by the director:

In today's wave of modern society, views are not always focused on one impression. The separation gap is too obvious, when the view is absorbed from the ideals of intellect and the mind is not limited to certain norms.

The natural response is to say that all folk tales are mere fairy tales, and are not suitable and in accordance with the current state of society. This response is very detrimental. This loss is not for individuals, but for all who are entitled to it.

Folklore has a distinctive position in literature. Its role is no less important than other ancient literary works. Disclosure of stories in the form of history, education, prominence and others in the form of books, is a practical and effective method.

This series of folk tales is rewritten from the speeches of the elders. Through cultural acculturation it is not impossible that these folk tales have similarities with the folk tales in this archipelago. The treasury of these folklore will be a ristaan ​​and a point of reference for future generations who will most likely not hear these folk tales spoken by the elders. By recording these folk tales directly can also curb the extinction of these stories from disappearing just like that.

It is hoped that, in accordance with its potential as reading material, this book is suitable for additional reading of children in particular and adults in general.

This is one of the many local stories unheard of by not only my generation but my father’s too. It is by luck they managed to turn this into a book but it makes me wonder of the rest that are gone forever. This also means that any theory I throw on whether or not this event actually happened will not come to life because of this country’s lack of records in their own history (and uh, censorship. Lots of history have been omitted out of textbooks to disappear for good). 

[allthebooksunderthemoon]

After going on the website to edit some things and sort drafts, I have decided I will never again complain about the app. Hands down it is far more functional than the website.

Also, to clarify to @staff what happened

I kept trying to queue drafts but it made me leave drafts everytime, go to my dash, and hit queue. Previously, my published drafts couldn’t bother to leave the draft pile.

Second, I tried reblogging something but instead the only thing that it would let me see in the pop-up was my previous post (and there was no x or post only a gear you couldn’t click on)