#pros and cons. they do different stuff that they are set up for

[raskies456]

literally just looking at various potential research labs for grad school and my brain has the audacity to give me the “fucking up the protein purification in front of everyone so badly they all think I’m an idiot” nightmare again

[hoonieyun]

now playing...

when the sun hits - slowdive

pairing: lee heeseung x reader x sim jaeyun

warnings: profanity, some really angsty shit, talks about mental health, reliving trauma, 18+

wc: 2303

pls ignore timestamps and possible typos lol - please make sure you read the written parts to fully understand the whole story!

you were more nervous than you thought, your leg bounced rapidly as you waited for heeseung as at your agreed upon location. 

the sound of your platform boots making a rhythmic tapping sound on the floor was all you could hear as you patiently waited for heeseung to arrive, you never even fully processed if this was a good idea but after talking with manon and jen; you were about 75 percent- wait no. 60 percent sure this was a good idea. the three of you weighed the pros and cons and ultimately you decided that you should meet with heeseung. if only they knew that you had also agreed to meet with jake later tonight but that was something you could just explain at a later time. 

so here you are now, staring at your cappucino that has long become cold, the ripples in the coffee nonstop as your leg continues to bounce and lightly bump the table you were sitting at. you chose a spot somewhere in the back corner of the cafe, for privacy reasons and just in case the conversation takes a turn for the worse; there was another exit in the back you could just run out of. 

you’re too focused on trying to figure out what you wanted to say to heeseung that you hadn’t even realized he was standing in front of you until he was setting down his own drink next to yours on the table. 

“hey, sorry did i startle you?” heeseung asks and you shake your head but you probably did look startled since you were so deep in thought you didn’t even notice his presence. you motion for him to take a seat and he gives you a tight lipped smile and a nod before pulling out his chair and sitting across from you. 

“you look good.” heeseung says just above a whisper; like he was testing the waters on what he could say without getting a reaction out of you that he wanted to avoid. 

“thanks, i’ve definitely looked better. you look good too!” you respond, trying to lighten the mood with a small chuckle to which heeseung returns with a laugh of his own. 

it’s felt like eternity since you heard his laugh and you’d be lying if you say that the sound of his laughter didn’t sting just a bit. it makes you think about all of the good times together and how those moments have now been shrouded by all of the toxic and emotional mess that you two got into the last few months of your relationship. you wished you could go back, truly. 

but you weren’t sure that the outcome would be any different if you did. 

heeseung clears his throat when he’s noticed you’ve begun to space out; “i see you still zone out pretty often.” heeseung mutters and you look up at him with wide eyes like you’ve just gotten caught. 

“sorry i just-” you begin to say but heeseung places his hand over yours on the table when he sees the tremble in your fingers. “it’s okay, you don’t need to apologize.” and the feeling of his hand over yours seems to bring you a sense of comfort you hadn’t felt in so long, especially from heeseung. you manage to calm down and steady your breathing thanks to heeseung. 

“mind if i start first?” heeseung asks and you nod. 

“i know i can go on and on about how terrible of a boyfriend i was, hell, how terrible of a person i was truthfully; but i don’t think that’s productive. 

i’d rather tell you about how good i’ve been doing and that i plan to stay this way. i’ve only been in therapy for like a month or so but it’s really helped. honestly, i always knew that i was a little messed up here” heeseung says, lighty knocking on his head garnering a small giggle from you to which he smiles at when he hears your laugh. 

“therapy has helped me realize a lot of stuff i wish i knew sooner so that i could’ve been the person that made you happy instead of miserable and i can’t take back anything i said or did but i just want you to know that i’m not that person any more. 

sorry, i mean that i am that person and i will always be that person and i need to take ownership of my behavior but i refuse to be that person any longer even if that was who i was in the past. 

im really sorry for everything i did and i know i know a simple apology isn’t going to do anything but i hope we’re in each other's lives in the future so you can see how much i’ve changed because i couldn’t imagine a life without you. 

even if it’s just to admire from afar. i’d like to be in your life…”

a single tear falls onto the surface of the table and that’s when you realize you’re crying. you weren’t utterly sure why his words had this effect on you but hearing heeseung be this sincere, compassionate, and vocal about his emotions in a healthy way made you cry. you could tell he meant it because his eyes have become glossy and this was the first time you and heeseung had a conversation about your relationship and emotions without it instantly turning into a screaming fest. 

“thank you for saying that heeseung…” you begin to say, taking a deep breath before continuing. 

“i’d be lying if i said that these last few months haven’t been hard, because they’ve been shit. it wouldn’t be fair to put all of that blame on you so i’m sorry that i’ve made you feel like you were the root of all of our problems. 

i know i’ve said hurtful things in the past and i think- sorry i know that they were all from a place of hurt but hurt people shouldn’t hurt people. so im sorry that i didn’t do my part as not only a girlfriend but as your friend to be kinder to us both.

i’m so grateful that you care enough to articulate your emotions in the way that you did and if i’m being honest i’m pleasantly surprised. i can tell how much you’ve grown in this short time and i’m happy that you’re going to continue to grow and want to grow.

i think being in each other’s lives to witness our growth is a good idea…” you respond and heeseung’s eyes light up; like he had just heard you say you love him again and although you didn’t it was something. 

“really?” heeseung asks eagerly

“but-” 

“oh…” heeseung’s voice drops low at your response. 

“i think i still need time to myself. this conversation is making me realize a lot of things and even if it’s resolving some of our issues i don’t think it’s fixed everything. 

maybe in a few months from now when we’ve both gotten the chance to do some more healing, we can start over but not right now…” you explain and you watch heeseung’s eyes lose their shine. 

“i understand… i really do appreciate you coming to talk to me. i didn’t expect you to even want to see me in person.” he says. 

“yeah, i didn’t expect it either.” you respond causing the both of you to laugh. 

as you part ways, you take one look back at heeseung as he continues to sit at the coffee table in the back. a slight pain in your chest as you watch his figure, his leg bouncing similar to yours just moments ago. unbeknownst to you that heeseung was trying to hold it together and prevent himself from crying.

you thought that after the nerves from speaking with heeseung you’d be fine to meet with jake but you were wrong. you were just as nervous, maybe even more. you weren’t sure why; maybe it was because you’ve known jake less? you don’t fully know him as a person and that made you uncertain?

or maybe it’s the fact that you weren’t sure if the issues you and jake have would ever get fixed. you wanted to fix them but it seems like jake wants to fix them a lot more than you did. what problems you had don’t compare to the issues that plagued your relationship with heeseung but after speaking with heeseung you felt like it was salvageable. 

you thanked the host and gave her a small nod as she walked you to where jake was sitting. you stood right outside of a private room at the restaurant, you had told jake that this was your favorite place because they had really good steak and his ears perked up at the word steak like he was a puppy hearing the word treat. 

he always said he’d take you here on a date one day but you didn’t think this would be the circumstance for that to finally happen. 

you take a deep breath before knocking and pulling the door open, to which you find jake sitting at the table and looking at you with a smile. you return the smile with your own and he gets up to hug you and his embrace feels warm. a type of warmth you hadn’t received from jake since the start of your relationship. 

he pulls out your chair for you and helps you into your seat, muttering a small thank you as you watch him circle the table so he could take a seat of his own. 

“i hope you don’t mind, i ordered for us. i just asked the waitress to bring us what their special was if that’s okay?” jake explains and you smile and nod. 

“yeah, that’s fine. honestly i’m not too hungry-” you explain but jake cuts you off. 

“nonsense, you need to eat. i know how you get and i’m sure all you’ve had today are energy drinks.” jake says with a laugh and you can’t help but also chuckle. 

“as a matter of fact i also had a cappucino so there’s that” you respond teasingly and a smile breaks out onto jake’s lips. like he was relieved and glad you were comfortable enough to joke around with him knowing the seriousness of what this dinner was for and how things have been between the two of you for the last few weeks. 

the two of you silently ate your meal, occassionally breaking out into conversation to catch up and it was so hard to get through the awkward tension. 

“so-” the both of you say in unison after the waitress has come by to grab your empty dishes. 

“you can go first.” jake says and you nod in response. 

“i’m going to be honest jake… you hurt me… a lot. 

i wasn’t sure that i was ready for a relatioship after heeseung and i think this proved that i wasn’t. 

i’m sorry that i couldn’t be the girlfriend you expected i was going to be but i wish you’d understand that i wasn’t in the best place and i feel like it’s not fair to have treated me that way knowing what i was going through and had just gone through. 

i was still processing so many things and then you came into my life and i thought you were a sign that i was going in the right direction but i think it was more to let me know that i needed to keep going instead of stopping at where i was. 

i really did like you jake but i think this is as far as we’re going.” it felt a lot easier to vocalize your emotions to jake because it was so fresh that you were able to just say all of it without having too much time to ruminate on everything and make yourself overthink. 

“you don’t think we can start over?” jake asks, a slight tremble in his voice. 

“i don’t know. truly, i don’t know. everything is still too fresh and i haven’t even processed my past trauma to process everything that’s happening right now. i’m sorry but i can’t give you an answer.” your explanation leaves jake nodding in silence for a moment and you can tell he’s trying to come up with what to say; like your words aren’t what he was expecting and he thought this would go a completely different route. 

“i was going to ask you to get back together in hopes that we could fix this together and we’d be able to come out of it as better people but i respect your wishes. 

it was a bit foolish of me to think you’d take me back so quickly but knowing how i made you feel and the hurt i put you through i get it. i just hope you know how sorry i am. the way i acted was despicable and i don’t even recognize that person. i’m going to do better in the future… 

i hope that we can meet again later down the line? maybe when we’ve gotten some time to ourselves?” jake asks, hope coating his words as he looks at you with so much intention and regret. 

“yeah, later down the line.” you say with a tight lipped smile as you get up to leave. 

“yn…” jake says just as you’re about to walk through that door. 

“i’ll always love you. even if i only got to actually love you for a short amount of time, i’ll always love you.” he confesses and you can’t bring yourself to turn around as tears threaten to fall down your face. 

“goodbye, jake” you say, voice shaky as you sniffle your way through the door.

masterlist - back - next

hoonieyun notes: we love open communicators!! now lets just hope no one fucks up... now playing will return soon! ive got to write out the last five chapters then its... over..!! ahhhh i can't believe we're so close to the end wahh

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[thehorrorsoftheblackbunnymask]

Paid Internship (Part 2)(Prison AU)

Author's Note: This is a Prison AU that the viewers of my blog seem to be pretty fond of. The main focuses for the romance parts will differ depending on the part. The reader is gender neutral and uses She/He stuff, but sometimes depending on what's going on I'll use stuff like Tits. Also, Sully will be in the fic, but I won't use his name. Pay attention to how Liu talks.

Author's Note 2: If you wanna be tagged for part three, leave a comment, or reblog.

Series Summary: Welcome to your paid internship at Roosevelt Federal Prison. After being seen for your potential and skills by your instructor at the Academy, he decided to give you opportunity of working in the US' most dangerous prison despite the disapproval and rejection from the higher ups. However, due to miscommunication and faulty paperwork, you're gonna up working with some of America's most danger serial killers for the semester.

Warnings: Implied Non-con, Murder, Lying, Deception, Descriptions of crimes, Perversion, Manipulation, Gaslighting, Gore, Sadism, Violence, Implied Nudity, Mocking, Humilation, Threats, Mood Swings, PTSD, Alcohol, Mental Illness, Dealings, Attempted Murder, Cursing, Sleep Deprived Workers, Stress, Agression, and More. This AU is not for the faint of heart.

Links: {Part 1} {Masterlist} {Series Concept}

"Oh god, what would Gibbons think of me if he saw me doing this," You said, rubbing you eyes as you stood infront of the door separating you from the inmates.

Liu didn't even tell you what Jeff stole from him, for all you know this could be some sick set up to get you hurt. However, you were slowly growing desperate. Toby's implication that Abbie Grace was still alive was filling you up with concern, she could be alive and out there, terrified, alone, probably hurt. Liu promised to tell you what he knew about Abbie if you gave him whatever Jeff stole.

Getting into solitary wasn't going to be easy. When you were first brought in, you saw a large line of men running into the ward. Based on this, your best assumption was that mostly security personnel were allowed in the ward, and if officers were let in, it was most likely with some kind of clearance. (A clearance you didn't have.)

"Ok Y/N, think, think. What are the pros of doing this... you get info from Liu, but he's already on your roster, meaning you'll be interviewing him some time down the road. But, he seems stubborn, so he won't tell me anything easily. You get to explore solitary! But, there's an extremely high risk that you'll get caught, expelled from the academy, fired from your internship, and most likely get charges placed against you."

You almost took back the deal. Almost.

"But if you don't fuck up, if you do everything right, if you solve this case, you'll be legend. You'll...get praise from Gibbons, from mom, from...," You paused, looking up with a shine in your eyes. "From...dad. I'm doing this."

Walking away from the inmates quarters, you made your way back to the little office Mandel assigned you. Closing the door as you entered, you looked at the little map posted up against the wall, looking for any security storage rooms.

Your plan may seem crazy, but it could work. Your plan was to somehow sneak into a security room, put on a uniform, grab some gear, find a keycard, and get into solitary. You'd be lucky if you even found the security room. The map was hard to understand, nothing was written in words, instead they used symbols as labels for rooms. You assumed that the orange coat for a symbol for some kind of inmate section.

"What would a symbol for the security room look like?" You asked yourself as you looked at the map.

Suddenly, you flinched at the sound of knocking coming from your door.

"INTERN! YOU IN THERE?" A masculine voice yelled from the other side.

Taking a deep breath, you made your way to the door. You couldn't but admit that you were a little on edge. What if they caught you sneaking into the inmate quarters through the cameras (But now do you think about it, where there any cameras to begin with?). That idea sent you into a panic, but you did your best to keep a neutral composure.

Opening the door, you were greeted by a large man. If you had the guess, he was probably was around 6'3, 6'4. You didn't take note of his appearance however, because you were more distracted by the large gun in his hand, and the large word "SECURITY" written on his chest.

"Um, can I help you?"

"Do you have a TV in here? We're checking all offices and rooms."

"...Yeah, why you ask?"

Without saying another word, the man pushed you to the side and grabbed the large TV from the corner.

"Hey! Dude! I need that," You stated, Marching towards the man as he lifted up the TV.

"Don't know if you got the news, intern, but any technology is strictly forbidden on prison grounds."

"...A prison...with no tech? How the hell is this legal, hell, how is this safe?"

The guard didn't say another word, walking off with the TV as you chased after him.

"If it's not allowed, why did I get it in the first place, hm?"

"From some dumbass I bet. Now, leave me alone; I have more bullshit I gotta deal with for the night."

Giving up on trying to get information from the security guard, you watched as he walked off into the distance. But, what he failed to notice was the fact that you were able to steal his keycard from his pocket. One of you cousins was a notorious thief back where you grew up, and he taught you a thing or two about pickpocketing.

"Never knew that dumbass' methods would work," You joked to yourself before quickly making your way to your office.

Opening the door, you took one last look at the map. After a few seconds of quick skimming, you saw the security room wasn't too far from the inmates quarters. It was a few doors down from the entrance to solitary, a pretty smart and convenient spot to hold the room.

Doing a quick check of your surroundings, you locked the door to your office and casually made your way to the security desk. You learned from when you snuck into the inmates' quarters. Even though you were an intern, looking scared and nervous drew attention, making you look suspicious, but if you kept a casual and calm expression, no one would suspect a thing!

"Just stay calm. Stay. Calm," You mumbled to yourself as you used the stolen keycard to open the door leading to the office area you saw when you first walked into the pasta section of the prison.

Taking a left, you did another skim of your surroundings before opening the security door and quietly making your way in. However, the first thing you were met with was the strong smell of sweat and iron.

"Shit...it smells like a high school locker room," You groaned as you pinched your nose. "Jesus...never heard of deodorant."

The security room was set up like a locker room. A few random uniforms were hanged against the wall with various numbers indicating their sizes placed above them. Some were hanged neatly, while others looked like they were placed in a rush. On the opposite side of the room, locked up in a glass container, where various guns, cuffs, shields, and batons. Even though the weapons were placed behind, hopefully, bullet proof glass, you couldn't help but feel like the glass wasn't going to prevent anything from being stolen. One thing you didn't notice at first was how dim the lighting in the room was. It wasn't so dark you couldn't see, but it was dark enough for some things to be barley noticeable. The last thing you cared enough to note was on the wall directly infront of you, a few lockers had their locks still open, meaning either someone was going to be back soon to get something, or someone forgot to close it, either way, you didn't want to stay long enough to find out.

Grabbing the uniform that looked like it would fit you best, you quickly changed into the security uniform. Looking at yourself in the mirror, the uniform was practically riot gear. Using the keycard to open the glass, you grabbed one of the guns from off the wall.

Walking out of the room, you took a deep breath before quickly making your way to solitary.

Opening the door, you instantly felt a shift in the atmosphere. Outside of solitary, there was always some kind of noise. May it be the sound of people walking, the noise the lights made, or just random white noise, there was always something. But here, here it was dead quiet, so quiet you could hear a pin drop. For some reason, you felt terrified to even make a single noise, to take a single step, hell, to even take a single breath. You felt regret hit you like a bus, you could feel your body begging you to go back, to take off the uniform, to figure out Abby'a case without Liu's advice, to do anything but fucking continue in solitary, but the idea of getting praise from Gibbons for solving such a hard cause, the idea of making your parents proud, the idea to prove to everyone at the Academy that you were capable of handling this internship blinded you from your body's judgment. So, as if your body went on autopilot, you started your journey down the halls.

The sound of the heavy boots of the uniform echoed throughout the hallway. Solitary was very bright and clean, walls perfectly white, and the lights lacked the ugly yellow tint the other parts of the prison had. It was such a breath of fresh air compared to the rest of the prison. Not only that, but you haven't seen a single prisoner yet. All the rooms you walked past were either empty or locked, none of them had a single sign of life in there. So, it left you wondering, was anyone even supervising the prisoners? None of the rooms were labeled, none of them. No signs telling you were to go, nothing. So, if someone found you wondering around like a duckling without its mother, you'd be caught red handed.

"Hey! You!"

Flinching at the loud and sudden noise, you slowly turned around as you saw a woman dressed as a nurse power walking towards you.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to dealing with Jeffery."

"Jeffery?"

"Yes! Ever since he's came back from his interview with that intern he's been out of control. He bit a chunk out of Elisa's arm when she tried to give him his medication. And his behavior starting to get...Ben relied up, and we can't have that! I refuse to deal with that fucking freak again."

"Oh shit... Where's Jeffery right now?"

"In his room left of here, just follow the noise."

"Ok."

"Thanks. Now I have to deal with a few injured prisoners in the normal section, have Goosemen radio me if things get bad."

As the nurse walked off, or more so ran off, you quickly took a left and followed the faint noise of screams and laughter.

What you saw made a chill go down your spine.

Jeff was running around his room with three security personnel chasing him as a nurse yelled for Jeff to calm down. Unlike earlier, Jeff's mouth was bleeding, his shirt tied around his waist as he ran around, revealing the fresh scratches all around his arm and chest, and for a quick second, you saw the flash of something shiny on his back.

"Jeffery! Please sit down and take you medicine! Afterwards you'll be left alone for the night, ok!?" The nurse yelled as she waved a bottle a pill in the air. "We've been at this for hours...tasers don't work, pepper spray don't work, and we can't shoot him nor use fear..."

"Is this common?" You asked, catching the nurse's attention.

"When he first got here it was, but he hasn't acted like this in years. Even when he didn't take his medicine, he wouldn't act like this."

"Maybe he's getting bored," A guard commented, causing the nurse to nod her head in consideration.

"Maybe, or maybe it was that intern. I don't know what happened when they spoke, but maybe they said something to cause him to act like this," The nurse said, a look of annoyance written on her face.

The nurse's statement made your blood run cold. After all the events that happened in the past few hours, you were starting to accept the fact you weren't the most liked by the staff.

"What did I even do?" You thought, a look of hurt and confusion in your eyes. "They don't even know what I look like!"

"I'm going to talk to Mandel about getting them off this case, or even out of this section in general. I don't know what Gibbons sees in them, but things where running as smoothly as they can run until they showed up, and now all the prisoners are acting up."

"Fresh meat," The guard added, causing the nurse to chuckle.

"Fresh meat in deed, sharks they are."

"Hey, it's their first day, give the kid some slack. Once the prisoners get used to their presence they'll simmer down," You said, shifting your gaze over to the various cells in the hallway.

"I hope you're right."

As you looked at the various cells, one cell in particular stood out. It was at the very end of the hallway, the light right above it flickering rapidly. Not only was it locked with a different kind of door, instead having the ones with a simple hole with a few metal bars to peek through and a small hole to slide food in, the entire thing was closed, no one could peek in or out. It was also kept shut with a wheel, and alongside the wheel was a bunch of chains, each tie holding a different lock. Whatever the hell was in there, nobody wanted it getting out.

Suddenly, the sound of a large thump drew your attention away from the door. Lying down on the floor, Jeff was being pinned down by the three guards that were chasing him previously.

"Ugh...I'm tired," Jeff said as he let out a yawn.

Taking out the knife from the back of Jeff's waistband, one of the guards slide it over to the guard you were talking to prior, who then placed it in a zip lock bag.

"OK Jeff, just take these and we'll be done," The nurse said softly, trying her best to hide her agitation.

Based on the nurse's appearance, she was exhausted, not only physically, but mentally as well. Her eyes had dark purple bags, her hair was a mess, and her uniform as practically in shambles.

"Fine," Jeff mumbled before swallowing the two pills.

"Finally," The nurse said under her breath. "OK boys, get out."

As everyone cleared out the room, you made sure to be the very last person to leave. Once everyone turned the corner, you quickly made your way back to Jeff's cell. Peeking through the small section of bars, you watched as Jeff spat out the pills he just "swallowed."

"Airheaded bitch," Jeff joked as he let out a chuckle.

"Jeff," You whisper-yelled, causing Jeff to turn his head.

"Awww, you missed me," Jeff teased before making his ways to the bars.

"No. You got something of Liu's, give it."

"Took him long enough."

"Huh?"

"I took that idiot's scarf a week ago and now he wants it back? Is he slow?"

Walking over to his bed, Jeff lifted up the mattress and pulled out a black and grey scarf.

"Here, and tell him that he owes me big time," Jeff said before hitting the door two times, causing the sound to echo throughout the halls.

"Ok."

As you walked off, you heard Jeff burst into laughter.

"How crazy is he?" You thought.

Howver, you froze in your tracks at the sound of chains hitting the floor. Turning around ever so slowly, you saw a pile of chains and locks sitting infront of the door at the end of the hall.

You knew not to go knew it, your brain was sending you all the alarms.

"Leave it be," "Go back," "It has nothing to do with you."

Those words rung in your head over and over again, but your body started to move on its own. It was as if the door had a magnetic field to it that caused you to get closer and closer, your mind was begging for you to go back, but your body was consumed with curiosity.

Every day you wish you never took a step near that fucking door.

Picking up the chains, you examined the material. Pretty standard chains, amazing quality, but still standard.

As you looked up at the door, you felt your mind begin to fog up. As if you were a puppet on strings, your hands reached towards the wheel, and before you could process what was happening, the door was already open.

There was a single light bulb in the room, dangling from the ceiling. As the light bulb flashed, you could make out the figure of someone tied to a chair. However, the moment your body took a step into the room, closing the door behind you, the lights stilled, and you could control your body once more.

"What...?" You said, turning behind you.

Sitting in the chair was a man, couldn't be older than 25. His head was facing the floor, his blonde hair hiding his features, but it couldn't hide his pointed ears. Heavy chains were keeping him bound to the chair. There was no bed, no sink, no toilet, no trays, nothing. The room was completely bare, the only things taking up space was you, the chair, and him.

As if he could sense your fear, the man slowly lifted his head, his head remaining tilted to side as he looked at you. His bright green eyes bored into your soul. The chill that went down your spine was indescribable. And that smile. It was something you could never forget. The dilated pupils, his wide, sinister smile, and the crazed look on his face. It still gives you nightmares.

"What...are you."

You didn't even think about your words. Whoever he was, he wasn't human.

CRACK!

You flinched as the sound of chains hit the floor once more. He broke off his chains.

Gibbons never trained you for a situation like this, saying that they would teach you once you got a job in a prison. So, all you could do was stare, pushing yourself as far back against the wall as you could.

As he made his way towards you, you felt your life flash before your eyes. The only thing you could think about was never being able to show your parents your certificate from the academy, how they'd never see you walk across the stage, and the sight of them seeing you body in a casket.

As he stared down at you, all you could do was cry. But then, all you heard was...

Laughter?

Looking up, all you saw was him throwing his head back in laughter, clapping his hands as he did.

"YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACE!" The man yelled as he sat down in front of you, holding his stomach.

All fear you had was traded with confusion.

"...What?"

"You're, you're that intern, right?"

"Uh, no?"

"Liar," The man said before booking your nose. "You're hot for an intern."

"..."

Standing up, the man reached his hand out towards you. "Name's Ben."

You swore you had heard that name before, but you couldn't place your hands on where.

Taking his hand, Ben pulled you up with a suprising amount of strength. Due to the how hard he pulled you, you ended up stumbling into his arms, causing his to wrap his arms around your waist.

You knew better than to think this, but you couldn't ignore how attractive, or more so how cute he was. Despite being in prison, his hair was relatively neat, and his smile and freckles were adorable.

If only you knew...

"I, uh... I didn't mean to come in here."

"I know!"

"...How?"

"You got a phone in your, left, no, right back pocket, along with a keycard that you stole," Ben said before leaning in, a teasing but flirtous look in his eyes, "Pretty illegal Little Miss/Mr. Intern."

Oh my god you could die right now. You were never one to fall so easily for someone's advances, but the way he spoke, the look in his eyes, and the way his arms wrapped around your waist made you melt.

"Can I see your phone?"

"O-Ok."

You didn't even think twice.

What was he doing to you? You were always reasonable, you rarely allowed yourself to fall into such emotions.

It didn't matter how he made you feel or react, he's a criminal, and if his room was this this locked up, that meant he was dangerous from the rest. Despite how fogged up your mind was, that was the one thing that you could think straightly about.

While you were distracted by your conflicting emotions, Ben was quickly slipped your phone into the pockets of his pants.

"Why don't we take this off," Ben said before pulling the helmet off your head.

Now that he had a good look at your face, Ben could feel his smile only growing wider. Thoughts raced through his head as he looked at you.

Disgusting.

Suddenly, he kissed you. You wanted to push him away, tell him that you couldn't put this opportunity at risk, but you just couldn't. Instead, you leaned into it, your body moving on its own.

"No, no we can't...I can't lose this," You said as you pulled away from the kiss.

"No one's going go find out " Ben responded, pulling you closer. "No one comes in here anyways."

You shouldn't believe his words, he's a criminal, you know better. Don't let every Gibbons taught you be all for nothing.

"...ok."

As Ben kissed you again, much rougher this time, you felt your mind go blank. As his tongue slipped into your mouth, his hands taking off the guard uniform, your hands made their way under his shirt.

Stop. Stop now. Go back. Leave.

The two of you then sunk to the floor, you straddling his hips as he gripped your hair.

As his hands pulled down your pants, you felt as if none of this mattered. The internship you worked months to get. It just, didn't matter anymore. Your mind was blank.

The room then went black, the only thing you could see was his eyes. All you could feel was his hands roaming your body touching every last bit of you. All you could remember was you straddling his lap, one of his hands holding your arms back as his other gripped your hair, forcing you into a kiss. You felt everything. And it all felt sooooo...painfully good.

"M-Mh fuck baby~ I ain't ever gonna stop..."

-------------------------------------------------------------

You never hated yourself more.

The entire event was a blur. Your mind and body weren't even on the same page, hell, they weren't even reading the same book. You didn't even feel like yourself during the whole endevour, it felt as if someone was wearing your skin, acting as you while you watched from the outside.

You had the power to stop it, you were an officer afterall. But the look he gave you, the touches, the words of reassurance, it was all intoxicating and so painfully mind numbing.

Did you even want it? You didn't even know. Moments before, when you felt in control of yourself, all you could feel was fear. He wasn't safe, he wanted to hurt you, but why didn't he? You were right there.

You didn't want to see him again, not at all. He was fucking with your head. You can't trust him, but anytime he's around it's as if all logic and sense leaves your body. You were completely at his will and he barely had to try.

But, something about him made him addicting. The way he's making you feel isn't normal, the way you so blindly opened the door wasn't normal, the patchy memories weren't normal. HE WASN'T NORMAL. He's doing this to you, but how?

"Y/N!"

Shooting up, you were no longer in solitary, but instead you were back in your office. Liu's scarf was placed neatly on you lap, and on your desk was you phone.

Standing at the desk was a very tired, but concerned Mandel.

"Ma'am?"

"I came in to check on you two hours ago, but you weren't here. Came back an hour ago, still not here. Came back five minutes ago, still not here. But when I come back now, FAST ASLEEP. Where. Were. You."

"...I was...I... I was trying to get my TV back from a guard..."

"One, for two hours? And two, who gave you one to begin with?"

"Um...Yeah, and I don't know..." "...Ugh...Wait, why the hell do you have a phone?" "Why wouldn't I?"

"Our prison doesn't allow tech due to a certain inmate."

"Why?" You asked, your blood going cold.

"He's able to control any kind of technology in a twenty-five mile radius. He's able to travel from tech to tech, he's one of our nonhuman inmates."

"What is he?"

Mandel looked around in the hallway before fully entering the room.

"We're not allowed to talk about him...but I'll tell you," Mandel said before taking a seat in front of you. "I won't say names, but he's a ghost. He was sacraficed by a cult, and came back as a vengeful spirt. He died relatively young based off what he told us, but he seems to be aging even as ghost. The longer we keep him, the harder it is to keep him under control. Not only that, but he's getting stronger too."

"...Will I be interacting with him at all?"

"What?! No! Are you crazy? You may be handling the Abbie Grace case, but he is far too dangerous for you. He's already on death row, Y/N, have you noticed that no one else is despite their crimes? I want you to focus on this case and nothing else. I don't want you interacting with inmates outside of the ones I assign you," Mandel said before leaning into your face, her eyes glaring into yours. "And I'll know if you do."

"...Y-Yes ma'am."

Picking up a file on the table, Mandel skimmed through the folder before speaking to you. "How did Toby's interview go?"

"Ma'am, have any of you guys thought of the possibility that Abbie still might be alive?"

Mandel's posture immediately straightened as she looked up at you, the atmosphere of the room changing into a more serious tone. Lowering the file, Mandel spoke, "What happened?"

"Getting Tobias to talk was a challenge. He kept teasing and refused to corporate. I asked him a few questions just to get a rough idea on his personality and patterns, just to get to know him better," You replied, sitting up straight as you played with the hair tie that was wrapped around your wrist. "When I bought up Jeff he finally started talking. Gibbons taught me to look into the way someone spoke, and when Tobias was talking about Abbie, he was talking about her in the present tense. When I asked him if she was dead, he said that he never said she wasn't."

Mandel's eyes widened in shock after you spoke. You neve saw Mandel so expressive due to her face being caught in constant exhaustion. "Never... We never found her body so we assumed she was dead. But, I'm not sure if we can take his word for it."

"How so?"

"He may not look like it, but Toby is a pretty good liar, anything he says we take with a grain of salt."

"Who else if involved in the case?"

"Jeff, Toby, and this Boss character from what we know."

"What if we get someone besides Toby to tell us if she's dead or not?"

"Hm... Jeff might, but his awnsers really depends on his mood."

"What about this Boss guy?"

"Here's the thing, we don't know who he is."

"What? What do you mean?"

"We've caught every pasta we know of, except for the guy they call Boss. But, there's also the possibility that the Boss isn't just one guy. Based off what we know about the proxies, one of their bosses is a man known as Slenderman, but we don't even know if he's real. He's only a legend, there's no picture of him, nor has he committed any acts himself. But, when Timothy and Brian first got here, they heavily implied that there way another boss. They didn't say any names, but that's what they implied. We also don't know if they're all working for the same boss. When Jeff calls someone the Boss, he can be talking about a completely different person than Toby," Mandel stated before hiding her face in her hands. "This case in so confusing..."

"Tell me about it," You said before looking up at Mandel. "So, what should we do?"

"Hm?"

"I mean, if Toby's right, this changes how we'll go about the case. It wouldn't be a murder case anymore but instead a missing person's."

"How we'll go about it isn't much of your concern. As you have interviews with the suspects, we're also having interviews with them as well, just to compare and contrast statements and behaviors. Keep in mind, you're still in training, and this is an internship afterall. Don't get ahead of yourself."

"I knowww, but this is such an exciting experience! I've been trusted to work with the worst criminals in the country, it's truly an honor."

"It's an honor til your working 22 hour shifts," Mandel stated bluntly before opening a redbull that she pulled out of her pockets. "I'm going to leave you to your devices."

"Is their anything you want me to do in particular?"

"Hmmm... Ask Chief Salloum for some evidence we collected on Abbie's case, I want you to look into and see if there's one, any clues on where she can be if she's still alive, and two, just look for anything you think is important. In the mean time, I'll try to get you an interview with Jeffery by the end of the week."

"OK Ma'am. Also, um, where can I find Chief Salloum?'

"Salloum is next to Banklin's Office. Salloum is leading the investigation while Banklin is handling the officers, he might have some information, but I'm not entirely sure," Mandel stated as she opened the door, "Good luck, Kiddo."

As the door closes after Mandel, you didn't even notice how long you were holding your breath for. What Mandel said about this ghost inmate really sent your mind into a frenzy. Whoever he was, they clearly wanted to keep him a secret.

"OK. Should I meet up with Liu or Salloum?" You asked yourself as you looked down at Liu's scarf.

After interacting wuth the Woods brothers, you couldn't help but notice how different they were from each other. Jeff was loud, perverted, sadistic, playful, and emotional, while Liu was more quiet and reserved, but his behavior was flipping. When you first met Liu, he was playful and painfully teasing, but when you met with him again at the cells, he was quiet and acted like he didn't want to speak with you at all. To be honest, you didn't know what was scarier, Jeff's weird unapologetic personality, or Liu's bipolar one.

"Liu."

Standing up from your desk, you wasted no time as you made your way back to the inmate quarters.

Checking the time in your phone, you noticed that it was 2AM. When you got here with Gibbons, it was around 6 or 7, and based on the waiver and contract Gibbons had you sign, you wouldn't be let out til 7AM.

As you walked towards the door of the quarters, you flinched at the sound of banging on the glass. Turning your head, you felt yourself ease up as you made eye contact with a pair of dark green eyes.

Raising up the scarf, you could feel Liu smile from beyond the glass. Liu's smile was different from everyone else's, it was soft, it was genuine.

Entering the quarters, Liu was waiting for you on the other side. Handing him the scarf, he stared at it for a bit before putting it on.

"Fucking asshole."

"Sorry it took so long, stuff came up."

Liu only glanced at you before rolling his eyes.

"This isn't even all of it," Liu said bluntly.

"What? This is all Jeff gave me. What else does he have"

"My gun."

"...oh... So uh, deals off?"

Liu didn't say another word as he grabbed your wrist, dragging you towards a cell.

"...ugh," A voice from the top bunk said.

Looking up, all you saw was the top half of Toby's body dangling from the top bunk.

"Are you drunk?" Liu asked honestly, poking at the man's face.

"Maybeeeee," Toby said before reaching out to Liu, making kissing noises as he did.

"Go to bed, Tobias," Liu said, pushing Toby's body back onto his bed. "Got any more?"

"Under the desk," Toby said as he face planted into his pillow.

Picking up the bottle, Liu sat down on the bed as he opened it. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything you know."

"Pretty vague to be honest."

"Alright then... What did you do to Abbie?"

"Even more vague."

"How?!"

"Cause I said so," Liu said before taking a sip of his alcohol, hiding his amusement as Toby giggled.

"He ain't telling you shit!" Toby yelled before bursting out into laughter.

"Shut up, Ticci," Liu said.

"Don't call me that," Toby slurred.

"Whatever."

"Enough! I don't have time for this. Where is Abbie?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know."

"I wasn't the last one to have her."

"Last one?! How many people was she with?"

"Too vague."

This man was going to be the death of you.

Groaning into your hands, you thought about your most important question.

"Is he awake?" You asked, pointing to Toby.

Peeking over the bunk, Toby was sound asleep, snoring into his pillow as he did.

"No."

"...Is Abbie Grace alive?"

That was the first time you saw a reaction from Liu. The best you could describe his face was stumped.

"Why you ask?"

"Just awnser the question."

Liu's face went back to his numb expression before glancing upwards.

Without saying another word, Liu nodded his head. That was all the conformation you needed.

"Where is she, Liu."

"I don't know, and this isn't an interview, so I have no obligation to anwser."

"How would you feel if I told the head of this side that you have a gun in your possession?"

"One, you don't even know who that is, two, I don't have it, Jeff does, and three, how would you feel if I told Mandel that not only did you sneak into here, did a favor for a prisoner, but you also slept with one as well?" Liu said, leaning in so close to your face that your noses were just barely touching. "That's pretty punishable."

You felt your blood run cold, and he could see it on your face.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Liu said before pushing himself against the wall. "Don't talk all big when your small, sweetie."

"How did you know..."

"Know what?"

"W-What you just said."

"I didn't say anything."

Both of you knew what he said; you could see the amusement in his eyes.

"Ooooo, what'll happen if Banklin finds out that the intern slept with dear old Benjamin...Intership go bye bye," Liu joked, waving his hand before laughing. "Don't worry, I won't tell if you don't. Secret safe."

You never thought you'd be blackmailed by a prisoner, but today was already full of surprises.

"Now, is that all, princess/princie?"

"...Yeah."

"Don't be so sad," Liu said before grabbing your face with his hands, his touch being painfully soft. "You're the only one."

You felt sick to your stomach.

Standing up as fast as you could, you quickly made your way out of the room; Liu's giggles echoing throughout the halls.

You were so dumb.

You were supposed to logical, practical, and you normally were, but ever since you stepped into to this hell hole it was as if a switch was flipped in your head. You would never be making these many mistakes. Gibbons would kill you if he found out, but you just wanted to make him proud, he's worked his ass off to get you here, you didn't want to waste it.

"What's wrong with me?"

"OW!"

You were so caught up in your train of thought that you failed to notice the man in front of you.

"Oh I, I'm sorry. Let me help you," You said, quickly bending down to help the man pick up his files.

Pushing up his glasses, the man revealed a soft smile.

"No no, it's ok. You're the intern, correct?"

"Um, yes!"

"What's your name, kiddo?" The man asked as he started to walk towards the offices.

"Y/N L/N, sir."

"Call me Salloum. I'm one of the leaders of the case we're having you look into. How is that going?"

"It's been a Rollercoaster to say the least."

Salloum pulled a key out of his pocket as he opened the door to his office. "Hm... How so?"

"I thought I had the case figured out. But, when I was interviewing Tobias he said something interesting. "

Sitting down at his desk, Salloum pulled out a small notebook as he leaned back into his chair, placing his feet on desk in the process. His tired, empty eyes stared into your young, stressed ones as he looked at you and his notebook. "I'm listening."

"He implied that Abbie Grace is still alive."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"He implied-"

"No I know I know! It's just. Fuck! How could we miss that, how could we overlook that? How could I overlook that?"

"Um, Salloum..."

"Not now kid, just. Ugh. Thank you for bring this to my attention, but I need you to leave now. There's a lot of stuff I need to get done."

"Yes, yes, of course, of course."

Once you got back to your office, all you did was sit down and think. It was all so overwhelming.

However, all you could feel were hands roaming all of your body as you zoned out entirely. Faded whispered slowly growing louder and louder as your body went limp.

You don't even know.

Such a good girl/boy you are.

You're mine now...

My perfect little whore.

You're so pathetic.

Stupid.

Dumbass.

Useless.

Useless..

Useless...

USELESS!

What did he do to you. It wasn't natural. You weren't in control. You were a puppet. He controlled you. But why? Why you? For what reason? Why does he have your phone? Should you tell Mandel? Why are you crying? Why are you shaking? Why is the world spinning?

BEN. The most dangerous inmate in the entire prison. His power: technological manipulation.

You were so stupid. Did you really forget, or did his control fog your mind? But if he did control you, how?

You couldn't take it anymore. You needed to go home for the night. Now. You needed to leave now. He couldn’t reach you if you left, right? He couldn't touch you again, he couldn’t control you again, he can't hurt you again if you leave. You'll come back tomorrow with a fresh mind and be ready for work. Yes. Yes. Just, leave.

"Miss," You said as you walked into Mandel's office.

"Yes?" Mandel responded, not looking up from her paperwork.

"I need to go home."

"What? Now? Your shift isn't even..."

As Mandel looked up at you, her words froze. You looked tired. Traumatized. Souless. You looked done.

"Kid what happen?" Mandel asked, standing up as she made your way towards you.

"I need to go home for the night."

"Look at me kid, what happened."

"...home... I want to go home," You stuttered out as you burst out into tears. "I'll be back tomorrow I promise but I need to go home."

Mandel just stared at you before nodding in approval. She got you an Uber and you were able to get a ride back to your dormitory at the Academy.

"Hey! You're back early, how'd it go?" Your roommate asked as you walked in.

However, you just walked past them, closing the door to your room as you plopped down onto your bed.

You were exhausted to say the least. You didn't even notice you fell asleep. But, for some reason you woke up in the middle of the night. You were still kind of sleepy so you weren't fully aware of your surroundings, but after some complicating of whether or not you should get out of bed, you slowly became aware to the sound of a TV.

Looking at your clock you saw that it was 4:45 AM.

"Lillian's never up this late," You grumbled as you stood up.

Your position on the bed was kind of awkward. Your upper body was laying on the bed while your legs dangled onto the floor.

"Lillian, can you turn it down please?" You asked as you rubbed your eyes, standing infront of your door as you faced the TV.

But, much to your suprise, no one was there. The TV was the only source of light in the entire room, and playing on it was just static.

"...I'm too tired for this," You mumbled before grabbing the remote.

But, the TV wouldn't turn off. No matter how many times you slammed down on the button the static would just continue.

"Are the batteries dead or something?" You asked yourself as you examined the remote.

In the back of your head you knew something was wrong. But, all you wanted was to get a normal night's rest and in the morning you could go back to work like nothing happened.

In what little time you were at the prison for you were able to deduce one thing. That place was full of secrets. Secrets that everyone knew but were never brave enough to discuss. Everyone you interacted with just held this vibe of uncertainty, anxiety, fear. It was like everyone knew that this place wasn't secure, and it didn't look like it either. What kind of prison doesn't have cameras? Or evenbetter, what kind of prison holds some of Americas most dangerous serial killers all in the same prison, in the block, knowing damn well that all of them are acquainted with one another.

If you were any other intern you would've just quit the moment this happened, but you were just any other intern. There was a reason on why there were here, a deeper reason. A reason that surpassed even government control. Maybe you were better off being a detective. Maybe you wouldn't be where you are now.

Rotting away. With Mom and Pa staring at you from the other side.

I should've quit.

"Nope, nothing wrong with the remote," You said before setting it back down. "Imma just put my headphones in."

But, as you turned around, you felt your blood run cold as you heard an all too familiar voice come from the TV.

"Baby~"

That glitchy, raunchy, mocking voice. You didn't dare turn around.

"Awwww, don't be scared."

Footsteps.

How? How the hell did he get here? How did he escape without anyone noticing?

Hands....hands. You felt his arms wrap around your waist as you leaned onto you. It felt as if he was towering over you.

"I ain't gonna hurt you," Ben said before placing something in your hand. "Just wanted to return this."

Your phone. A part of you just wanted to throw it out of your dorm window, something about it just didn't feel right, but, you stopped yourself. You didn't have the money to just buy a new one, and this was the only way you can communicate with your parents.

"How'd you get out...?" You asked.

"Oh, I'm not here. You see, I can travel a little bit of my soul to anywhere I want within my technological reach. I'm like a little hallucination while my body remains in my cell. I could come here right now if you want."

That voice. That feeling. Your world started spinning.

Not again.

"Have a little fun," Ben whispered, rubbing your arm as he talked. "We could do way more here than out there... You'll be fucking screaming."

Stop.

Your mind and body was fogged up. You couldn't think, you couldn't move.

But suddenly, you felt normal again. All of a sudden you came back to your senses and pushed him off you.

"No! I don't want any of this. Go back before I file a report that you escaped."

"What is that going to do? I can just report that you had sex with an inmate. That's pretty immoral, Y/N."

He wasn't wrong. But, Liu told you this wasn't the first time something like this happened, so maybe you'd have a chance at saving your career.

"I'm not the immoral one. Go. I don't want to see you again, you hear me?"

All he did was laugh. That glitchy, high pitched laugh...

"Loud and clear!"

You watched as Ben floated back into the TV, causing it to shut off completely.

Exhausted, you made your way back to your bed. As you laid down in your bed all you could think about was Abbie. Despite the Rollercoaster you had today all you could think about was her. She was out there somewhere. Sad, scared, alone. You had to look into it more tomorrow. You had to get a sit down with Toby and break him. Maybe you could look more into his file and figure out some weaknesses you could exploit. Out of everyone you talked to, he seemed like he'd be the most easy to crack. Jeff is too violent, trying to crack him would probably leave you with a cracked skull. Liu is way too unpredictable. Sometimes he's wacky, sometimes he's quiet, sometimes he's cold, sometimes he's compliant, sometimes he wants to just fuck with you point blank.

Plus, Toby was pretty interesting to talk to. A little manic, a little unhinged, but he had a surprising amount of life and personality to him. Charming? No. Chaotic and fun? Definitely. Maybe a talk with him can lighten up your mood. You still had to figure out how to talk to him. He was the inmate you wanted to have a bond with. An inmate who trusted you and would be honest with you. An inmate you could rely on.

You made up your mind. You were going to talk with Toby.

-------------------------

"Feeling better, kid?" Mandel asked as you walked into her office.

"Much better," You said as you sat down in front of her. "Ma'am, I'd like to have a meeting with Toby today."

"Why?"

"I talked it over with Salloum and I'm pretty sure I got the go to dig into deeper."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

No you were not.

"OK, I'll have him ready by 10."

You knew lying to Mandel was going to bite you in the ass later, but you had to do what you had to do. Some of the best officers are considered the best because they did things differently, or at least that's what Gibbons taught you.

You spent the next three hours analyzing your interview with Toby. You analyzed his awnsers and behavior in order to come up with a solid approach.

You were able to come up with a series of questions that weren't too obvious in showing your motives. One thing you learned about Toby was that he was stubborn, and you had to navigate through that. Was it going to be easy, of course not! This man is the definition of a maniac.

Back to room 111.

You sat there anxiously as you heard footsteps slowly approaching.

"Don't make me regret this, don't make me regret this," You mumbled to yourself.

Rule number 1.

As the door opened, your breath hitched as you met the manic gaze of Tobias Erin Rogers. As he eagerly took a seat in front of you, you watched as the door closed behind you.

Now it was just you and Toby.

Always take what Toby says with a grain of salt.

"How are you doing Toby?" You asked, organizing your question paper as he talked.

"Pretty shitty *WOWIE* until I heard I was talking to you today," He said with grin on his face, leaning into the palm of his hand as he looked at you with admiration.

Hell, don't even consider it.

"That's good I suppose. Now, you want to get straight to it or would you like to talk about your night first?"

"...Straight to it."

No matter how believable he seems.

"OK, so."

Because he's always five steps ahead.

--------------------

Tags: @fexthehetalialover @asimpforlife134 @my-jukebox @ch3rrydr34ms @crejia @mspoisoncoil @bruhimsoinlove @imwallysdarling @idkisimptoomuch @noclue-0 @chexrybloss0m @refrigeranteborbulhante @tak0truc @br-que-ama-yanderes @bruhimsoinlove @constantine559 @jamja @srt-buu2 @ghostwriter54 @elevenbts @officaljackmiles

[sleepykitten444]

tlou — joel miller x prostitute!reader x tommy miller

nsfw! 18+!!!

word count: 1954

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

• It was a secret among the soldiers

• There was a woman in the woods, about two hours away from the QZ

• In exchange of supplies she provided her service

• Garrett told Joel and Tommy about it on a late night, downing some beers

• The brothers had laughed

• “What kind of insane man would go all the way there for some head? Risk his life for some pussy when he could get it from any of the touch-starved women of the QZ?”

• “You gotta trust me, it's fucking worth it, man. Why do you think so many of us would rather sneak out then?”

• They simply shook their heads in disbelief

• Some months later, Garrett called Joel to his place. He had broken a leg and needed a favour

• “Big favour. And you owe me, Joel…” he said menacingly. Joel cursed himself for ever owing the guy.

• “I owe her for my last visit. I need you to take my payment to her.”

• “You crazy, man? Why don't you ask one of your little soldiers?”

• “I don't trust ‘em. The package with the payment is quite… pricey. Those bastards would keep it all.”

• “Why do you even care? It's just some whore, she'll find some other man to squeeze.”

• “Hey, that whore saved my ass quite a few times. I don't wanna lose that trust. Don't fucking forget you owe me, Miller.”

• Joel sighed loudly and slumped on his chair.

• Garrett nodded his head towards a box on a shelf.

• Joel got up and picked it up. It was heavier than he had expected.

• “For fuck’s sake, tell me it ain't nothing' illegal…”

• “Not illegal, but I took most of the stuff from different places one's not usually allowed in, so make sure no one finds out ‘cause I don't fucking know if anyone's noticed their shit missing.”

• Joel would have to wait until nightfall to sneak out.

• He had asked Tommy to cover up for him in case anyone noticed he was gone.

• “What? Fuck that, Joel, I'm comin’ with ya!”

• The two of them argued the pros and cons for some minutes

• “I've been out a couple times, Joel, I know how to get past the night patrol. I've been to the woods before. Ain't seen her, but Paul showed me the way one time.”

• The older brother hesitated. Joel didn't know the way, much less at night. But he knew not to be on Garrett’s bad side too…

• It took them a bit longer than expected between the rain and the darkness, but they finally made it to the hidden house.

• “Well, it does look like a witch's house at night,” Tommy joked. Joel didn't find it funny.

• Joel knocked on the door just like Garrett had told him

• “Knock three times, pause, knock once, pause, and knock again. Otherwise she'll shoot you on sight, no questions asked.”

• Joel wondered then if any of the soldiers dead in mysterious circumstances hadn't followed the instructions.

• A minute later, the front door cracked open and two eyes peeked shyly. Further below, the barrell of a shotgun.

• “It's late…” she said.

• “We come to deliver a package from a friend who owes you, ma'am,” said Tommy from behind his brother.

• The woman closed the door and immediately opened it again, urging them in while looking around outside.

• She lead them through the hallway to the living room and had them sit on a sofa, not before demanding they leave their guns on the entrance table.

• Joel growled in frustration, but Tommy, seemingly transfixed by the woman, signalled his brother to do as she said.

• “The package is in my backpack, ma'am. I'm going to retrieve it now,” Tommy said, moving slowly so as not to scare her.

• He set the box on the coffee table. She reached for it without looking at it, her eyes fixed on the men. She took it, and quickly moved to the kitchen, rummaging through the drawers for a knife and then checking the contents.

• Meanwhile, the brothers took in their surroundings. The wallpaper was peeling off, there was water damage in several walls — clearly from a leak they could see on the ceiling, the furniture was mismatched but the place was otherwise well maintained and clean.

• “Not a witch's house,” Joel joked to himself.

• They focused their attention on the woman once again as she walked back to the sitting area.

• “There's some stuff missing. Tell Garrett the caulk was non-negotiable”

• “I ain't no damned messenger, lady—” Joel was beyond frustrated, his anxiety over not having his gun on him and not knowing if anyone at the QZ noticed they were gone taking over him. Tommy put a hand in front of his brother, cutting him off

• “We'll tell ‘im, miss. If you don't mind me askin’, the caulk’s for the leak over there?” he pointed to the corner where water had been slowly dripping.

• “Yes…” she hesitated

• “Well, that ain't gon’ do it then. You'll need to replace the shingles on the roof first then fix the drywall, otherwise it'll just keep leakin’ and getting worse than it is already.”

• Joel couldn't believe what he was witnessing. Tommy must've hit his head earlier.

• “I can repair that.” Tommy shifted closer to the edge of the sofa

The woman crossed her arms

• “What do you want?”

• “I saw you've got a greenhouse back there. Bet you been growin’ weed, right? That's too hard to come by in the QZ.”

• Her face was neutral for a few moments, then sighed and uncrossed her arms. The house had been almost crumbling down on her…

• “There’s tobacco and weed, yes.”

• The two of them sealed the arrangement

• On the months following, it was only Tommy sneaking out the QZ. Joel wanted nothing to do with it.

• Until a big argument with Tess had left him hot and bothered for too many days.

• She wouldn't come around, and none of the women Joel knew satisfied him.

• He pushed the thought back.

• And he pushed.

• And pushed.

• Until he felt like he was going to explode

• He felt stupid as hell as he sneaked past the evening patrol, but it was as if his body betrayed his mind

• He knocked three times, paused, knocked, paused, knocked.

• And she opened the door.

• She was wearing a robe, barefoot

• “I’ll be done and come back to you, take a seat” she motioned to the sofa he had sat on months ago, and walked back upstairs

• Not knowing what the hell to do, he looked around the place. The orange hues of the sky reflected all over the interior, it felt almost dreamy. The wallpaper had been replaced and the walls and the ceiling repaired.

• He stood up and walked towards one of the many bookshelves. There were mostly mystery novels, gardening guides, an odd and large collection on felines…

• He thought dogs were better. If the world were a normal place, he would have a German shepherd

• The creaking of the stairs brought him back to the apocalyptic world, though. He turned around and froze when he saw Tommy walking down behind her with a satisfied grin and light on his feet

• “Joel?” He stopped midway. “Everything alright?”

• Joel stumbled on his words before choking out an affirmation.

• “I, uh, I just…”

• The woman looked between the brothers before walking up to Joel.

• “You came to see me,” she placed her hands on his chest, looking up at him through her lashes. She felt him tense under her palms, his eyes flickering from her to his brother still standing on the last step

• She moved a hand to his cheek and stood on her tiptoes to brush her lips on the corner of his mouth

• His eyes came back to her and he couldn't stop the soft groan escaping his mouth

• Her other hand travelled down to caress the growing erection through his jeans

• The hand on his cheek moved to the side of his head, gently pulling him down towards her mouth and he followed her in a trance

• “Don't worry, your little brother can share his toys”

• Joel's eyes widened and he looked back at Tommy. He was now sitting on the sofa, a hand down inside his jeans and a lazy but amused grin on his face

• Joel turned his attention back to her as she undid his jeans and gently tugged at the waistband of his boxers, on her knees, asking for permission

• He couldn't believe what was happening, but the twitch of his dick as she traced the length with her index finger… he could've cummed right there

• Joel placed a large hand on the side of her face and she took that as a yes

• His cock sprang free and suddenly he was aware of the situation and his brother not even three feet away

• “Lick under the tip like you always do to me, it'll blow his fucking mind,” said Tommy, his high slightly slurring his words

• She did exactly that — kitten licks just below the tip, followed by a ghost of breathy kisses along the shaft then back below the tip

• Joel moaned as precum leaked, embarrassed by how quickly he was becoming undone. He tried to pull away from her as he pinched the base but she followed, her knees turning red as they scraped against the carpet

• “Joel, trust me, she's gonna blow your fucking mind! Let her do her thing,” Tommy was now picking up his pace, slumped on the sofa and a foot on the coffee table

• She giggled and took his length inside her mouth, bobbing her head back and forth with increasingly lewd sounds

• She let go to breathe and fondled his balls, then flattened her tongue on the underside of his shaft, looking up at him with mischievous but tender, pumping him with her other hand, sensing him closer and closer

• And Joel couldn't hold it in anymore

• With a loud groan, almost animal, he shot rope after rope of cum on her tongue and face, his hips frantically moving on their own

• Tommy came at the same time, his load shooting up and falling all over his hand and clothes

• She took Joel’s cock one last time to clean up the remains with her mouth, then wiped her face and mouth with her hand and on her robe

• It took Joel a moment to recover, his knees weak, his breathing deep, his mind foggy

• As he pulled his underwear and jeans back up, he saw her clean up his brother like she had done him, and then press her index on Tommy's face before licking it

• “Tommy, your mess reached right here too!”

• Tommy chuckled and caressed her face

• Joel didn't know what to do next

• “Say, brother, whatcha got for ‘er?” said Tommy, half curious half amused

• She looked at him expectantly and when he didn't reply Tommy laughed

• “Don't tell me I gotta pay for ya, Joel! It was you who paid for me back then!”

• Right. The payment. Joel had completely forgotten he still had to pay…

• He digged through his backpack for a moment before retrieving a small box and handed it to her

• “Uh, I hope it's enough…” he mentally kicked himself. He hadn't put much thought into it and didn't even know if she would accept it at all. He should've asked Garrett wh—

• She opened the box and smiled as she saw a pack of coffee beans and seed packets. Tommy took a look and whistled

• “Shit, coffee? You better take it, sweetheart, this guy would kill a platoon for a single cup,” he joked

• She laughed, and returned her smile to Joel

• “Payment accepted.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

[cripplecharacters]

Hello! I wanted to ask about whether a character of mine would be alright. This character is a double above-knee amputee in a futuristic setting, and I wanted to know if having prosthetics that work a bit more reliably (like under-knee prosthetics, as they replicate the functionality of a knee) would be okay. They don't use their prosthetics all day and do still cause pain like other prosthetics, nor do they give them any other advantage. They still do also use a wheelchair for most of the day, and do not use prosthetics for most of it. For reference, there are also other major characters with limb differences that do not use prosthetics, as well as few other wheelchair users (ambulatory and non ambulatory), some of which have done so due to traumatic injury, and others that were born with limb differences or other congenital issues. This character in specific is in a position of privilege that gives them the chance to opt to the best available technology too.

I wanted to approach this carefully and make sure it wasn't falling into a harmful trope. I'm also physically disabled, for context, although I am not an amputee.

Hello!

Standard disclaimer, we don't have amputee mods right now.

Yes, it's fine to give your character prosthetics that work - they work for a lot of people. We just stress that they aren't a miracle cure-all because usually in fiction, prosthetics are treated as essentially aesthetic (if the author wants to show they Done Research, they will mention that the character has phantom pain once). But prosthetics, just as other mobility aids, are well - aids. They have their cons and pros, and sometimes they are useful and sometimes they aren't, and there's a billion factors that go into that.

We do currently have prosthetics that essentially mimic a knee, they're called microprocessor knees and they basically try to adapt to how the person walks. They're quite expensive, but I know that a lot of amputees who use them find them really helpful.

This obviously still doesn't make them perfect in every way. It's still, for example, more tiring to walk on prosthetics. You're using less muscle to move around more weight. This can sometimes be difficult when going up and down the stairs, for example. A lot of the DAKAs I've seen walk with very straightened legs, and many of them need to use a handrail to maintain stability when using the stairs. In this video you can see someone who is (presumably) similar to your character (a young fit guy) and he himself says that it's a bit of a complicated process. You need to use a lot of momentum. All of this gets easier with more practice, so you might have to consider how long has your character been an amputee for - if they were born like this, they'd probably have a lot of this long time figured out, but if it's more recent, they might still be in the relearning phrase; it's not easy to just change the way you walk overnight.

I know some DAKAs who use "little leg" prosthetics (I'm honestly not sure what the english name is), they're basically shortened prosthetics that take the calf part away, and you have much more stability, etc. Some people use these at home since you can save energy and don't have to walk anywhere too far. So that could be another option you could include that I don't think I've seen in anything ever.

TLDR; yes, it's perfectly fine to give your character a working mobility aid - just keep researching as you write, and don't be afraid to check even the most basic "how do DAKAs do XYZ" stuff - there's some nuance even in figuring out how to get up from the floor after you fall down. :)

mod Sasza

[blade-liger-4ever]

I was thinking and. tfp would've been better served with just two human child characters.

They're all extremely different characters with their own stories, but splitting the focus too much made all of them suffer a bit, and Raf is just there most of the time to be Bumblebee's mouthpiece or do computer stuff.

So:

Miko is still loud, abrasive, jarring, impulsive, and a troublemaker. But being an exchange student means she should be visibly smart, and giving her computer skills would've been such a testament to her character, her education, and given her a lot of depth early on. Yes, she gets in detention five times a week and runs on the battlefield every day on the weekend, but she also knows how to code like it's nobody's business, so she also knows how to sit still and take stuff in it's just incredibly boring if she's not interested. All that random esoteric knowledge Raf knows about the US government could also be explained away by her wanting to know stuff about the country she's visiting and using that info to weigh the pros and cons of where in the world to go.

Jack can understand Bumblebee. Making him suddenly be the older brother to a fourteen-year-old would be so incredibly wholesome, and it would give him a better reason to have an overinflated sense of responsibility and leadership. If he still has a job with KO Burger, trying to explain the concept of currency might highlight just how different their upbringings have been. It would also set up his interactions with Smokescreen as a guide later on, and it immediately establishes a more brotherly relationship between Smokescreen and Bumblebee.

idk I also think it might be cool for June to flip out about how Jack was able to afford a sports car. like wtf did you DO? are you selling DRUGS?! I AM A NURSE, I COULD LOSE MY LISCENSE! just a very reasonable crashout from a very stressed mother & medical professional who's been given no real explanation. (You could set up the illegal street racing episode early on, even - Jack knows about it and says he bought it used and practically a wreck. Or June has treated too many race victims and threatens to confiscate if he ever does go out racing. Or both!)

Arcee would also be able to properly grieve without someone else to take care of, and it would be cool to give her solo episodes. Imagine if there were no Jack for her to worry about in Predatory?

You could also directly parallel Orion Pax and Megatronus. Bookworm that's ridiculously good at coding who keeps getting into trouble and headstrong leader that can't seem to control people around him but they're both insufferably fond of each other (ie Jack and Miko have bonded to each other because they're the only other one they can talk to abt this)? smells like a fun blast from the past.

You can get a lot more story per character if you reduce your cast size even by one.

Honestly, kudos to you man. That fixes so many things.

I like how you suggested Miko being the brainy computer geek in addition (I assume) to her love of heavy metal. That would have also shown off just why she's an exchange student, as not just anybody gets to go to a different country for lessons.

Jack's setup, as you posited, works beautifully. That would have given Bumblebee more to do, Jack an actual reason to be "Mr. Responsible", and having that blowout between mother and son over the New Car that her son suddenly has would've enhanced the story. And yeah, Arcee should've been a solo character; by putting her with Jack she's basically getting a crutch who won't really improve her behavior, but left alone she's gotta deal with the hard truth and grow from it.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts man, that really is a good idea.

[fassina]

On defined vs customisable protagonists

Taking a break from DATV for some musings on this. This isn't really an essay, just a ramble, and I'm trying to steer clear of spoilers and heavy critical stuff.

I'll discuss the Dragon Age franchise, the Mass Effect franchise, and Baldur's Gate 3, Pillars of Eternity and Cyberpunk 2077.

Basically, I want to talk a little about ways in which a game's set up can help and hinder us in understanding our protagonist, the pros and cons of voiced protags, and what works in my eyes and what doesn't. I hope this also helps people to think about how they draw characters as well!

Firstly I want to say that people will have different reasons to prefer a more defined protagonist or a more open one. Ultimately it comes down to expectations from roleplay in my eyes. There's not a right or wrong answer in which is "better" but I think there are things that help us to engage with both types.

Establishing what we know (and being consistent with it)

Essential to both types in my eyes is establishing what is known. I'm going to use Commander Shepard as my first example here. We are told instantly that Shepard is an experienced officer, has an expertise in one area, and is being considered for a significant promotion. This allows us to infer that they get the job done, and that they have to have a degree of competency (whether or not they are by the book or more loose with the rules) and that they take their job seriously. The game then gives us some good flavour choices around family values, historical trauma, what they look like and what kind of expert they are, but make no mistake; this is a veteran soldier and you are on that road with them. It's a masterpiece in creating just enough freedom for ownership of a character while telling a very distinct story; if you are paying attention at the start, you know exactly what kind of person Shep has to have been to be considered for this role, which makes for a really clear path through.

Hawke in DA2, which was almost certainly designed to mirror the success of Shepard, follows a similar path. We know that Hawke is a refugee, and has a family, and fought in a recent battle. I would argue where Hawke is weaker to people who enjoy customisation is in setting them against their family; your Shepard could be a wunderkind or be eighty years old, have any number of emotional resonances in their personal life. Hawke is much more definite in age range, relationships and social status, which gives less freedom in making them truly your own. However, DA2 is highly consistent with Hawke. Perhaps you can only really customise the face and the attitude, but that attitude ripples through all of your interactions and creates a very distinct character that is easy to become attached to.

Dragon Age Origins does a very different thing by threading through the origins into inferences throughout the story. The knowns are that you will be the Warden and you will have to save the world. How you get there offers enormous choice. You can be a self-serving politician trying to weasel your way back into power, or you can be a devout Andrastrian on a path to martyrdom. A lot of this choice comes from the choice that is allowed with a non-voiced protagonist in sheer range of responses, a pathway that games like BG3 and Pillars of Eternity have continued.

It is essential you are clear with your player early in what is known about the character, both to help them establish them in a world and avoid disappointing their expectations. If your character is a rookie, say it! If they are an expert, make it clear. You can do this through action too - it doesn't have to all be written out.

To voice or not to voice

To me, personally, Shepard is one of the only truly successful voiced customisable protagonists. I have others I like very much (V in Cyberpunk 2077 and Hawke in DA2) but they are much more a slightly editable character on a defined narrative journey. The moment you put a voice on a character you are deciding tone, meaning and intention, and if your written choice doesn't accurately reflect your tone, it breaks immersion. Shepard walks a careful line that is aided by them being "on the job" for much of the time. Formality helps! It creates boundaries that we instinctively understand from our world.

If you have a voiced protagonist, then you have to either record a ton of lines allowing for anger, diplomacy, fun, inquisition and dismissal, and if you don't do that? You probably should have just set up a more defined character and told their story, and been clear in that expectation from your establishing moments.

Oh, Lore

One thing I really liked in BG3 is the way you could toggle on and off lore friendly options during character creation. It gave you the chance to say actually no, I don't care, or make sure you were creating within that world if you did. But regardless, if you have established lore, you have to carry it through. If you have a ton of backgrounds for characters, you have to make sure that's meaningful. A Grey Warden should be able to sense Darkspawn in their first encounter; it's a huge part of their deal. A Qunari character, if you have not specified that they are Tal-Vashoth and strictly from one background, should be able to reflect positively on their religion and cultural upbringing or see things through a non-Andrastrian lens. This is where it can be easier, even if it is disappointing, to set stronger boundaries in the creation of characters. For the most part, people are okay with limitations if it gives them something to work with. In Inquisition there were complaints about how much or little the backgrounds really added to the experience of being the Herald of Andraste, but they did choose backgrounds where there might be a rough knowledge of what was occuring at the conclave. It's okay to leave some things for people to fill in the gaps, but consistency is key.

Learning as the character learns

One clever way to establish connection but allow for discovery is for the characters to learn as we do. The Dark Urge in BG3 is an obvious example of this, but I'd also add in The Watcher in Pillars of Eternity too, and even V from CP77. Whatever they thought they are, they are something more, and it allows us to keep all of what we thought we knew about our characters and find out more along the way. It allows the game to take us down a path of the present, not the past (even though all of them ARE discovering events of the past!) by making it about what a person sees themself as, what they want to be, and what they have been. It sidesteps invalidation of ideas by creating narratives that are inherently biased as they are memory, allowing us to take or question the information we are given as we are given it. It trusts an audience and the player to invest their own opinions in the burgeoning narrative.

To do this, you need to make sure that the player has a good grasp, again, of what they do know. Good grounding is essential here. Think of the prologue of Pillars of Eternity, where we can establish a character's whole value system, or the pre-heist time with V which allows us to establish an enormous amount of relationship building and relationship to the world around them. Take that time, or it will fall apart.

[writerjayne]

"C'mon Scott, it's Halloween!!" 

"Every day is Halloween for us Stiles," Scott sighed, picking at the food on his lunch tray.

"Not every day!" Stiles tried to protest, but when Scott gave him a look, Stiles relented slightly. "Okay, sure, every day can feel like Halloween when you're a teenage werewolf, but hear me out!!"

"Here you out about what?" Lydia asked as she and Allison joined the table, setting down their trays. 

"Scott's saying he doesn't want to do anything for Halloween!" Stiles whined slightly. 

It was childish, he knew, to whine about this, but Halloween had always been Stiles' favorite. The decorations, the atmosphere of fall and fun, dressing up, and getting to be something else other than yourself. Not to mention the candy! 

"What did you have in mind?" Erica asked as she, Isaac, and Boyd sat across from them. 

"It's not like I want to go trick or treating or anything," Stiles explained. "I just thought it would be fun to spend it together and celebrate. Though handing out candy would be fun." 

"We could watch scary movies," Boyd suggested. 

"Or we would walk some of the more decorated neighborhoods to look at the lights," Isaac added. 

"Normal stuff!" Stiles pointed out as he looked pleadingly at Scott. 

"Where would we even meet?" Scott countered. 

"Any of our houses would work," Lydia said practically. "Except maybe Allison's." 

"That's a good point," Allison agreed. "Dad's come a long way accepting my friendship with the pack, but I don't think he would be thrilled if I brought the pack home."

"We could ask Derek if we can use the loft!" Erica offered, enthusiasm warming her voice. 

"Costumes?" Stiles asked. 

"Optional?" Lydia offered the compromise, and Stiles nodded. 

"I'm good with that!" Stiles couldn't help his growing smile. "And if we don't want to commit to a full movie, we could look up Halloween episodes of TV shows we like!" 

"Oh, I like that idea!" Allison looked at Scott, hopefully. "What do you think?" 

Scott sighed again, but before he could answer, Stiles chimed in one more time:

"C'mon Scott, it'll be like when we were little!" 

That sentiment, along with Stiles' pleading eyes, was enough for Scott to give in with a reluctant smile. 

"I'm clearly outvoted. Who's house should we use?" 

"I think it depends on how late we'll be staying," Lydia said, ever the practical hostess. "Do we want to spend the night?" 

The group debated for a while who's house to use, and the pros and cons of the different locations weighed and considered. The Loft vs the Lake House. The Lake House vs Scotts House. Scott's house vs Stiles' House and, of course, Stiles' house vs the Loft. Full circle a few times before it was eventually decided that Stiles' house was the best choice, not only because his street got a decent amount of foot traffic and trick-or-treaters but because Stiles had the most movie options. 

******

"I still think every day is Halloween for us," Scott said by way of greeting when he arrived at Stiles' house after school. 

"And today, it's for everyone!" Stiles grinned, tossing a pack of Reese's pieces to the grumpy werewolf. "So you'll just have to deal with it. Nice costume, by the way." 

"It was easy enough," Scott shrugged. He was wearing a set of scrubs and had a stethoscope around his neck. "I didn't even have to steal anything." 

"I resent that comment," Stiles laughed. "I didn't steal anything either!" 

"So you just happened to have a leather jacket lying around?" 

"For your information, I borrowed it from Isaac," Stiles huffed. 

"He's lucky it fit," Isaac teased as the two entered the living room. The were' was lounging on the couch in a white T-shirt and jeans. The T-shirt had been written on with a Sharpie to say, 'This is my costume.' "He's kind of short," Isaac said. 

"Am I short or are you just freakishly tall?" Stiles shot back. 

"What are you supposed to be anyway?" Scott asked, plopping on the couch next to Isaac. 

"Isn't it obvious?" Stiles' grin had a hint of mischief now. "Here I'll give you a hint!" 

Stiles crossed to the furthest side of the room and struck a pose. His hands in his pockets, feet apart, and something close to a glare on his face as he stared at Scott. Scott stared back for a minute, thinking before he burst into laughter. 

"Are you Derek?" He managed to gasp between peals of laughter. 

Stiles dropped the glare, his face lighting up at Scott's delight. 

"Yeah! He'll probably kill me for it, but it's still a good costume!" 

"I know I said he didn't steal it, but if Derek asks, he absolutely did," Isaac grinned too, but before he could say more, he cocked his head towards the door.

"They back with the pizza?" Stiles asked, and Isaac nodded. 

Scott could hear them all now, too. 

"Perfect timing. It sounds like Lydia is here, too. Allison's with her," Isaac reported what he could hear to Stiles' human ears. 

"Awesome! Scott, grab plates for us?" Stiles asked. 

"Sure," Scott stood, heading to the kitchen. 

When he came back, everyone was settling around the living room. 

Erica was in all black and had a pair of cat ears. Boyd didn't seem to be wearing a costume but had brought several bags of candy (both to share and to pass out). Allison had braided her hair over one shoulder and brought her bow for a simple Katniss costume. Lydia was in a simple green dress with fake ivy twined around her head in a crown. 

"Poison Ivy?" Scott asked as he handed out the plates. 

Lydia nodded. 

"It had been my plan for handing out candy at home so I figured I would still wear it!" 

"Ivy and Catwoman," Stiles joked "wish we had known there was a theme." 

"Don't worry, Stiles, you're still my Batman," Erica winked. 

The group fell into easy banter, occasionally interrupted by trick-or-treaters as it got later. Eventually, they put on the Addams Family Values just for the atmosphere, as they mostly kept talking and handing out candy. It wasn't far into the movie when Derek showed up. 

"Hey Sourwolf!" Stiles called from the couch when Derek followed Erica inside. 

"Erica said you were all hanging out for Halloween," Derek looked awkward as he explained. "She said I should come." 

"Absolutely!" Stiles grinned. "Come sit. I think we have pizza still. Where did the box go?" 

Derek settled next to Stiles and was handed a plate with a couple of slices of pizza on it. He took a bite and subconsciously scanned the room as he ate, noting everyone's costumes or lack of costumes. He was confused by Stiles', though. The jacket was clearly Isaac's, and for the life of him, Derek couldn't figure out what Stiles was supposed to be. 

It was when Stiles was coming back from his turn to hand out candy that Derek finally asked.

"So what are you supposed to be?" 

Derek was confused by the giggles that broke out at his question. 

"Haven't figured it out yet, big guy?" Stiles smirked. "I'm you!" Stiles struck his pose and aimed his glare at Derek. "Back when you were a creeperwolf who would stare instead of actually communicating!" 

Everyone was laughing again, and Derek couldn't help a small smile. 

"Terrible," was all he said, and Stiles shrugged, his usual smile coming back. 

"At least I have a costume!" 

General protest broke out at this, and Stiles had to dodge thrown candy as he made his way back to his seat next to Derek. If Stiles took advantage of that fact to tuck himself closer to Derek (to use him as a shield), no one needed to know. 

And if, a couple of hours later, Derek casually put an arm around Stiles, who could blame him? He just needed to stretch; it was cramped on the couch. 

And if they were still like that, leaning into each other, fast asleep, surrounded by the pack (also asleep through the room, haphazardly covered with blankets and using each other as pillows), when the sheriff came home the next morning, who would be surprised? Certainly not Noah Stilinski, who snapped a few photos before grabbing some candy from the bowl on the table and heading upstairs. He could let them sleep. Questions could wait. 

[coulsons-fullmetal-cellist]

Your Vampire: Chapter Nine

Over the Rainbow

(Max Phillips x f!reader)

Words: 1, 608

Summary: final chapter!

Warnings: saucy suggestions, the worst ex in the world, mild swearing, no y/n, reader has nickname Garland, mild angst

Check out masterlist here

“I get what Tony meant,” said Max. “When he said, ‘say it loud and hear music playing, say it soft and it sounds like praying’.”

“Huh?”

“When I say your name during sex.”

“Oh,” you smiled at the thought because it was certainly true.

The two of you were snuggled up on the couch watching West Side Story. You felt comfortable enough in your romantic relationship to no longer feel upset over the on-screen romantic relationship.

The half-opened boxes that had been lying around the walk-in for a while had been emptied. Max did not have enough suits to fill his entire wardrobe so it made sense that your clothing would occupy the other half. Places were found for all the knick-knacks you collected over the years, anything else that caused you grief were donated. You had never felt more at home.

“When we come together, I hear choirs of heaven. Do you hear anything?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know. I hear my heartbeat I guess.”

“That must be nice.”

“Is it weird not having a heartbeat?”

“You get used to it pretty quickly.”

“Are there any other things you’d have to get used to?”

He sighed, “Well, the sleeping arrangements are tough the first few times, but once you’re in a deep sleep, it’s nice.”

“Huh.”

“I know I haven’t properly asked this yet but,” he fingers danced across your skin. “Would you consider being turned?”

“By you?”

“Who else?”

“Does it have to be supervised?”

“I think it would be different. We could light candles, make it special.”

“And you drain my blood, feed me yours, and then you bury us?”

“Okay, who spilled that secret?” he sat up slightly.

“So the media depictions are right?”

“I guess,” he slumped back. “That’s how it happened to me.”

“Was it weird?” you ask gently.

“The vampire who turned me, it was an honour to be turned by him, but it was weird waking up next to him. I’m sure he’d like you though.”

“Really?”

He nodded, “Everyone else will be jealous. There’s a reason soulmates are a legend; I don’t know anyone who knows anyone. Then here I come along, freshly turned, and I’ve got you.”

You smiled, then realised, “Won’t people try to steal me away from you?”

“Oh no, there’s the vampire code.”

“Vampire code?”

“Yes, vampire code,” he quoted, “’No harm shall befall a vampire’s chosen mate’.”

You furrowed your brow, “So no harm befalls me, but what about you?”

He raised his eyebrows, “Do you think they’ll risk angering you?”

“They better not,” you leaned back into Max. “I’d need some time to think about the turning stuff.”

“Take as much time as you need to.”

“I’d have to weigh all the pros and cons and…I just want to be human for a bit longer.”

“I’ve got eternity to wait.”

“Well, not too long. I don’t want to be an old lady by then. It would just be weird.”

“You’d still be beautiful,” you turned away.

“Sorry,” you said. “I’m still not quite used to that yet.”

“Me calling you beautiful? When was the last time that prick told you you were beautiful?”

He saw the struggle of remembrance on your face.

“Well,” he kissed you. “I’ll make you forget everything about him. And I’ll do all the things he never would.”

“Really? Like what?”

“I will wash the dishes, put dirty laundry in the hamper,” you moaned. “Change the toilet roll.”

“Max, we are going to have to move this to the bedroom.”

“I’ll change the sheets,” he murmured.

That set you off, “You’ll have to bite me now.”

The daily routine the two of you established had what Max called a more fun bonus added to it. The bedroom activities were a daily occurrence, much to your delight. Small, delightful fact, vampire saliva will instantly clot any wound. So obviously, bloodwork became a thing. Max’s favourite thing was the take a small bite of your femoral artery, lick the wound, and then his tongue would continue further up. It left you a screaming, sobbing mess.

“Did I pass out?”

“For a bit, yeah.”

“Sorry.”

“My darling, you have nothing to apologise for. You passed out with that absolutely adorable smile on your face,” you tried to hide your smile in your pillow. “Yeah, that one.”

“What about you? Did you manage to…finish before I did?”

“If it’s good for you, then it’s good for me.”

“So you enjoyed it?”

“Garland, I could do that all day.”

“Could you? I know you could, but would you want to?”

“Absolutely, I do. You know, it’s a shame you don’t get your period anymore. I would have really looked after you.”

“Do you mean…?” you gestured to your lower half.

He raised his eyebrows, “We could’ve scheduled a week off a month.”

“Max, I don’t bleed for a week straight. Well, I never used to,” you paused. “It was only two or three days of heavy bleeding.”

“Okay, three days off a month. And it’ll save you on products. And I get a nice supply of blood while you get orgasms.”

“You made a PowerPoint didn’t you?”

He paused, “Yes, I did make one.”

“Can I see it?”

“You want to see the PowerPoint I made when I was a depressed vampire whose soulmate was unavailable?”

“You’re sexy when you do them.”

For bonus points, he presented it sans clothing.

*****

But the happy times did not last forever.

One day, you held out your wrist. He gladly took a sip but then stopped. He just stared at your wrist.

“Max? What’s wrong? Please, you’re scaring me, what’s wrong?”

He looked at you with tears starting to form.

“I think you need to go back to the doctors.”

Max paced around his car. You forbade him from accompanying you as it would have made you more anxious, so he waited in the carpark. Finally, he saw you approaching. Not acknowledging him, you got into the back seat. Max slid in next to you. He was going to say something but then saw your face.

“It came back.”

“Is surgery an option again?”

“It’s in my liver.”

“Fuck,” he covered his mouth and turned away. His hand curled into a fist but he didn’t punch anything, no matter how angry he was with the world. He turned back to you with such tenderness in his voice. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Just hold me.”

And he held you for what felt like an eternity.

A few months later…

The office was quiet apart from the hum of overhead lights. Max Phillips was away so Jacob was acting manager. He saw this as a guarantee that he would be given his promised promotion. And rumours of a change in leadership made that promise even more likely. Already, he was walking around like he owned the place.

He was very confident the day he was called into Max’s office.

“Hey, J-man.”

“It’s Jacob.”

“Whatever,” he patted him roughly on the shoulder. “So when’s the wedding?”

“Well, we’re waiting for the baby to be born. Then Cidnee wants to lose the weight so, sometime next year, maybe.”

“You should have eloped like I did.”

“You got married?”

“Yup. Best thing ever,” he sat at his desk. “You’re probably aware of the change in situation here as Mr. Whitby had to take early retirement. He’ll mostly be spending his time in court due to certain allegations which due to my evidence, oops, spoke too much,” Jacob didn’t notice the slip. “But Max, you handsome devil, who will take the leadership role? Well, we have come to a decision.”

Jacob took in an excited breath.

“So,” continued Max. “I will sadly be leaving this position to take on the role of Director. The role of Manager is going to,” he paused. “My lovely darling wife!”

In you walked.

“So good news, I’m not dying of cancer. Bad news, well bad news for you, I’m your new boss!”

Jacob stared in confusion.

“You?”

“Yes, me!” you smiled, showing off the sharp fangs.

“She’s a vampire? She wasn’t on the list! How did she skip the queue?”

Max gestured to both of you, “Vampire soulmates, less paperwork involved.”

“You want to spend all eternity with her?”

“Did you not hear the soulmate thing?”

“Now,” you said, ignoring Jacob’s dropped jaw. “We’re going to completely restructure this department. Actually, the first thing I’m going to do is fire Renny because that man is a creep and a walking HR nightmare.”

“Darling, you’re rambling.”

“So, everyone’s position is going to be based on their skill level and not on who’s arse they’ve kissed.”

“You’re just going to let this happen?” Jacob asked Max.

Max just sat there with his chin on his hands, gleefully watching all this unfold. “Absolutely!”

“Seriously,” you addressed him. “Who will you complain to? The top?”

“I’m the top,” said Max. “Although, I do like to be the bottom.”

“Why?” asked Jacob. “Why do this to me?”

“I was considering just killing you, especially after how you treated my lovely darling wife. But then realised it would be more fun to string you along with the promise of promotion and then bam, demoted.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. Unless you’re a vampire. Which you never will be!”

You happily slammed the door in his face. You turned to your husband.

“That was fun.”

“I had fun watching.”

Walking towards him, you said, “I believe you’re sitting at my desk.”

“So come and sit here,” he gestured to his lap at which you sat.

“I’m your vampire.”

“And I’m yours.”

Previous

Lovingly tagging @chaithetics @cevans-is-classic @galaxyedging @letsgobarbs @peepawispunk @missladym1981 @kirsteng42 @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @ericamarie093 @yorksgirl @popcornforone @allthe-ships @clowncummiess @permanentlydizzy @readingiskeepingmegoing @elegantduckturtle @jxvipike @ellenmunn @grogusmum

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘀𝗺𝘂𝘀 pros and cons

a girl asked me to talk about my erasmus experience in the questions box and she inspired me to make this post. if you have posts to request don't be shy! unfortunately i don't have all the time i would like to uptade but i will try to keep up.

erasmus is a student mobility program of the european union that allows a european student to attend a school in another EU country for a period of time legally recognized by their home institution.

it is a temporary experience with many benefits, enabling students to engage with different cultures and customs. due to its non-permanent nature, i believe it is one of the most beautiful opportunities for a student to feel completely free to explore and understand themselves, to figure out what they want and do not want from their life and educational path.

but let’s start by discussing its downsides. unfortunately, not everything is perfect.

𝟭. paperwork ( 📄 )

hey, i know, guys, i'm not the first or the only one to say this, but the paperwork for erasmus is a pain in the ass. it's not only extremely complicated, but universities (mine for sure, but i know it's a common experience) provide zero help in filling out the documentation. especially if you're not familiar with bureaucracy (and at 20 it’s normal not to be familiar with these things), it can seem like an insurmountable mountain. but if i, someone who doesn’t understand anything about this stuff, managed to get through it, you can do it too. typically, the documentation includes:

various information like ID, health card, and the IBAN of an account in your name (or joint name) where they will deposit the scholarship.

learning agreement, another plague sent from hell because you usually have to deal with two professors, one from your university and one from the host university, who clearly would prefer to mop the sea than help you fill out your learning agreement.

financial agreement for the scholarship, which has specific deadlines by which you need to submit documents (usually IBAN, learning agreement, and acceptance letter from the host university). fun fact: i almost missed this and didn’t receive the scholarship because these deadlines were buried deep in my university’s website (don’t be like me, make sure to be informed well about the financial agreement or you risk being left without money).

the best advice i can give you is to find someone from your university who has already done the erasmus where you’re supposed to go and ask them for some information. they, having gone through it, know what mistakes to avoid and what’s best to do. the offices often assume too many things and give you insufficient and hasty information.

𝟮. finding an accomodation ( 🏡 )

this too, another pain in the ass. it depends on the city, but here in madrid, finding a place to live has been a nightmare (and indeed, i've significantly overshot the budget i had set for rent). you have various options for accommodation:

student dormitories these solutions may seem the best at first glance, but they aren’t always. here in madrid, the fees for the dormitories at my campus cost more than my current rent, plus having only one kitchen for an entire floor is not exactly optimal comfort, especially if, like me, you cook a lot.

apartment studio/flat this is definitely the most comfortable option, but also the most expensive. a studio outside the center in big cities can cost up to €1000 a month. however, if you can afford it and prefer privacy, then go for it. at first, living alone might not be easy, especially if it’s your first time away from family, but you’ll get through it quickly.

room in an apartment this can be the best or the worst option depending on your luck because having flatmates means cohabitation, which is not always pleasant. if you're going in erasmus with someone you know, it might be optimal to share an apartment or take two rooms in a larger flat. personally, i rented a room in an apartment with three other people (two bathrooms and a kitchen), and i couldn’t be happier; i love my flatmates, and we quickly became friends. we cook together, go out together, spend entire evenings chatting and joking and they helped me a lot overcoming the first crisis. i realize, though, that i am an exception, so choose your accommodation carefully.

in short, consider your choice based on 3 factors:

proximity to the university/public transport links i study outside of madrid, almost an hour by bus from my place, but i live practically across from the bus stop, so it’s not a problem at all.

centrality/connection to the city center you're in erasmus to experience the city!

comfort of the place such as private bathroom (very hard to find but not impossible), utensils, AC, appliances (we have a dishwasher at home, and i assure you it saves our lives everytime).

𝟯. homesickness ( 🤧 )

yes, everyone feels homesick, even the most stoic. but guarantee you, you'll get through it. first of all erasmus, fortunately or unfortunately, isn’t forever. it’s a 6 month/1 year experience that is incredibly valuable for your personal growth, at the end of this period of time, you'll be back home. secondly, you can always stay in touch with friends and family in the age of technology. those who truly love you will support you in this project and do everything they can to make you feel less lonely. lastly, during erasmus, you’ll make many amazing friendships and connections that you otherwise would never have the chance to make.

𝟰. language barrier ( 🦜 )

i can’t say much about this, i've never studied spanish in my life, but, since i'm italian, i have no trouble following the lessons and understanding people when they speak, even though i'm still not able to express myself well in this new language. however, by living in another country, you’ll learn the language much faster and more effectively than with any academic course. in just a month, i already feel much more comfortable with spanish, and everyday i learn new things.

and of course, i could talk for hours about the benefits of erasmus, but i might save my praises for a post i'll write later, towards the end of this experience.

i can tell you that in just a month here, a whole new world has opened up for me. not only is the thrill of being in another city, in another country, an electrifying flow of continuous energy, but i’ve also realized things about myself that i might have ignored before.

i have much more confidence in myself; i feel freer, less afraid of making mistakes. it’s true, i’m far from my family and friends, but this also means i’m far from all those eyes under which i always try to appear perfect.

i crave to see and learn, i'm eager to discover new things, and this drives me to do things i probably wouldn’t do in my home country, to appreciate their flavor and indulge in the uncertainty of "maybe i’ll like this".

for the first time, i’m experiencing a new country without the rose-tinted filter of a short vacation. i’ve never felt as rich and full of gratitude as i do now, and i hope this is a feeling every student can experience.

so, erasmus, yes or no? absolutely yes.

i’d love to keep updating you on my experience abroad. what do you think? would you like that? let me know in the comments! star kisses ⭐

[felassan]

Snippets. 🐺💜

User: "Do you think we will ever turn back to being allowed to do nasty stuff again? What I always loved about Dragon Age Origins and 2 was that you were able to roleplay a complete asshole antihero." Trick: ""Hero who is not a 'complete asshole antihero'" is not a single trope. We give you different ways to play Rook in Veilguard. But stuff we've set up as corrupting -- red lyrium, blood magic -- is mostly reserved for the villains this time for clear storytelling. Might be different in future games." [source]

User: "Do you know what [Taash's] horn is made of?" Trick: "I do! Players who poke around also get to find out for themselves." [source]

User: "Hey! I'm wondering if you could share any hints whether there are any pros and cons to romancing a companion from the same faction. Like romancing Lucanis as a Crow, yay or nay? What's your preference? I don't want any spoilers, just trying to plan my Rook as one does" Trick: "I think romancing within the same faction is fun. No cons!" [source]

[that-hippie-user]

I want to be feminized but I want it to come from a honest place without trance. Is there a ten-step process you’ve acquired for feminization that you can share here?

step 1, follow artists who are themselves trans or make trans art.

step 2, make friends in the community and hear their stories to understand WHY we wanna be girls.

step 3, lean into the memes. blahaj, programmer socks, petplay jokes and kitty noises, stimming and autism positivity, realtime fandubs.

step 4, buy little accessories for yourself. panties, skirt to try "skirt go spinny", thigh highs, plushtoys.

step 5, look into Planned Parenthood (if you live in the states) and learn just how easy it is to set up virtual counseling and get a hormone prescription.

step 6, weigh the pros and cons of taking estrogen. pros: softer skin, softer hair, growing boobas, thicker thighs, more shapely body if ya got the fat to redistribute, easier connection to your feelings, better feelings of intimacy. cons: the boobies stay even if you stop taking, if you keep taking you have a weakness to the cold, your voice wont change automatically.... so MOSTLY good things

step 7, just start taking it, why not? it could be fun, and you can always back out if you dont like. a liiiitle extra booba sticking around after is fine anyway, not like you'd take for very long and get BIG booba before stopping. and if you DONT stop... huh... you dont really HAVE to stop do you? it could be fun to stay this way

step 8, are you trans? wasnt this to be a femboy? what would the difference be anyway... you guess wearing dresses could work either way, and hormones would just be a fun addative. dont people say gender is bullshit anyway? maybe it doesnt matter.

step 9, regardless of label, this is fun! you're trying new things, and life feels more fulfilling. you didnt even need hypnosis!

step 10. well, you're fem now. and all on your own... ���� maybe hypno could be used for other stuff now, since you got the important part outta the way. and you DID ask this to a shameless kink hypnotist, so she wouldnt judge right? wonder what your options are?

[solacescastleglow]

How to Make an EDC that Actually Works for You

So often, I look at people's EDCs (everyday carries) and think 'OK, but there's no way you're gonna use all of that'. Because, to be honest, I wouldn't use 3/4 of the stuff that's in these videos. But I do prefer to go out knowing I won't need need anything I don't have, so there's a happy medium. Here's how I worked out mine, and how you can too!

1. Data collection

First, go out with only what you absolutely need (clothes, shoes) and a pen and paper. If it would be dangerous or impossibly impractical for you to go without something, that's a need and will definitely be in your EDC. Note that something that feels necessary and something that is necessary are two separate things. Anyway, every time you need something or use any extras you've taken with you, write down the need (i.e. instead of 'phone' write 'entertainment'/ 'communication', instead of 'taser'/'knife' write 'safety'). If it's already on your list, write it again. Do this for a week, going about things the way you always do.

2. Data analysis

Look at your list. The things you wrote down the most often are the things you really need to prioritise in terms of quality and convenience. Highlight or put a circle around those. Then, for each need, list out all the different ways to meet that need, and the pros and cons of each. For example:

ENTERTAINMENT (EARS) • phone - pros: has lots of other uses, spotify / cons: distracting, yet another screen (ick), uses up data • walkman - pros: not as distracting, old timey charm, no internet or data usage / cons: requires cassettes, can only play one at a time • mp3 player - pros: not as distracting, can put anything on there, no internet or data usage / cons: i have to put songs on beforehand

In this instance, an MP3 player seems like the best option for me. Your list might be different. Do this for every need you had. Make sure everything you list out is something you either already have or can get easily, and that every option is legal where you live.

3. Data analysis pt. 2

You should have a bunch of lists now. Are there any that can be combined? Let's say I have a need for music and communication and the internet. That MP3 player's not looking as good as the phone right now, is it? But just because it can be combined, doesn't mean it should be. If I really wanted to save on data and the Spotify subscription, I could have a phone with the internet and the MP3 player. I can't make that kind of decision for you, just go based on what feels right.

4. Filling in the gaps

Now, I want you to think of scenarios that you have found yourself in at least 3 times, but not during your data collection week. Maybe you've unexpectedly gotten your period, or someone threatened you in some way, or you got someone's number and had no way to write it down. Think of solutions for those things too. Again: legal, practical, acquirable solutions.

5. Assembly

This is the fun part: time to get your EDC together! You can have multiple depending on the situation, but your core EDC should remain the same. This is made up of the solutions to your highlighted or circled needs, plus anything that's small enough that it's worth taking with you.

My circled problems: recording information and ideas, telling the time, entertainment (ears), entertainment (eyes/brain), payment, proof of identity, physical support, vision, getting into the house, hydration, cooling down, COVID safety, extra storage, peace of mind

My core EDC: notebook and pen/cil, watch, MP3 player and in-ear headphones, small book or e reader, wallet, forearm crutch, glasses, keys, small water bottle, hand fan, mask, hand sanitiser, a foldable shopping bag, small emergency kit*, a keychain torch (with a strobe setting for self defence)

If you've noticed that I didn't mention my phone, that's because my SIM card is broken so it's useless outside of playing downloaded music. It's also just nice, you know? I only bring it if I'm going somewhere further away than I usually go, and when it's fixed I'll probably still do that.

*lip balm, liquid IV and a werther's original, 3 each of the meds I need need, a bit of money, a band aid, 2 pimple patches.

6. Storage

Every outfit (including bags) you wear outside the house should be able to hold, at the very least, your core EDC and anything else you need for that particular outing. Since I carry a lot in my pockets, I store everything in a set place when I'm at home so I don't lose things. I keep them in my bedroom, where I get dressed, but you can put them by the front door if you live alone. If you use the same bag every time, don't bother.

---

You might do all of that just to realise you don't actually need to change anything about what you carry. If so, sorry! But if not, you'll either get stuck in bad situations way less often or have more space for what actually matters. Happy travelling!

[emilyzipps]

hello! i was wondering if you could tell us about the narration voice, and how to write it? the inside voice of the character that describes how they feel and think. I can't wrap my head around it for some reason, it often feels like i'm rambling too much or Not addressing the meat of the conflict in a way that feels interesting. How detailed should it be? is it better to be direct about what the character thinks and feels, or be kind of vague and trust the reader to figure it out?

This is a great question! This is a very Level Up question, and I love it. Let’s talk bout it!

First of all, quick reminder that there are different kinds of narrative voice. First person (I woke up and I saw…), second person (you wake up and you see) and third person (Alex woke up and she saw). There’s also a distinction within third person of omniscient vs close. Omniscient is when the narrator is sort of the “voice of god,” like a movie camera. In movies, we aren’t in anyone’s head, we’re seeing the world from god’s POV. In omniscient, you can know everything that occurs, regardless of if your main character is there or not. So if Alex and Maggie are in a scene together and it’s omniscient third, it might say things like “Alex smiled, trying to hide her disappointment. Maggie’s heart rose as she smiled back.” We know what BOTH characters are thinking. Close third is the opposite, where you only know what’s happening in the head of the person who is telling the story. So if it’s an Alex POV chapter, you would NOT know that Maggie’s heart rose. It might say, “Alex smiled, trying to hide her disappointment. Maggie smiled back, big and broad, and Alex’s heart sank. Maggie simply isn’t getting her.” We can guess at Maggie’s thoughts from her actions, but we can’t know them.

All of these POV options are good, and all of them have their pitfalls. If you want to explore more about the pros/cons/whens for them, just ask!

But okay, now the meat of the question. Regardless of which POV you’ve chosen, narrative voice, sometimes also called “inner life,” is such an important way to do a bunch of things in your writing. Some of those things are:

Establish character traits and personality. Tell us about this person. What are they like? What do they like? For example, if a car swerves in front of them, what would they do? Yell a curse word? Honk? Pull out a gun? Cry? Have a panic attack? Most of these things will not be said in dialogue, so narrative voice is how we find out.

Tell the reader stuff about the setting/environment in which this character lives. All works have worldbuilding, even if it’s not fantasy or sci-fi. Say your character is walking down the street in chapter one and they notice that what used to be a parking lot is becoming a high-rise apartment building. What do they think about this, and what does it tell us about this place they live? Are they excited because this city is so expensive and they need more affordable housing? Depressed because gentrification is pushing them out of their neighborhood? This is a great way for you not to have to tell us “Development has really changed the economic and racial landscape of this mid-size American city,” which is a boring infodump. Instead, you can say, “Maggie inwardly scoffs at the construction project. She wonders how much longer the wig shops and payday loan storefronts across the street will last, where her abuela will get her nails done if the Whole Foods in this new complex drives every brown shop out of business.”

Demonstrate tension between what they say/do and what they think/feel. No one ever says only and exactly what they think or feel. People are always editing, and some people edit more than others. When they’re sad, what does your character say? How much do they hide it? How well do they hide it? How would they feel if someone knew they were sad? This tells us so much about this person, and also helps build tension and conflict. If Jane is inwardly really upset and hurt because Maura is on a date with someone else, the contrast between what Jane says and what Jane thinks is a big thing that will build the romantic tension between the two of them, especially the unrequited, unspoken romantic feelings Jane has for Maura.

Example: If Maura says, “Jane, I can’t hang out tonight I have a date.”

Does Jane say, “Maura I’m really disappointed to hear that because I have unrequited feelings for you and I wish you paid enough attention to me to notice them. Although, I don’t think I’m good enough for you, so maybe you do know and this is how you’re letting me down easy? I’m not sure, please tell me explicitly.” NO! Of course she doesn’t! She probably says, “Wow. Okay. Have fun.” Or maybe even something kind of snarky like, “Wow, that’s what? Five different guys this month?” The rest happens in narrative voice/inner life.

Maybe like this:

Maura flushes a little. “Jane, I can’t hang out tonight,” she says. Then, after a beat, “I have a date.” Jane’s heart hits the floor. Really? Another date? That’s what, her fifth this month? God, this woman will really do anything with anyone that isn’t named Jane Rizzoli, won’t she? Jane wonders if Maura knows about her (quite obvious) feelings and this is how she’s letting Jane down easy, or if she’s as oblivious as everyone else thinks she is. Jane, deep down in her gut, decides she doesn’t want to know. “Wow,” she says, forcing what must be an unconvincing smile, resolving to take out her anger at the gym later. “Have fun.”

In terms of how detailed you want the narrative voice to be, that depends. Are we talking about something you’re trying to build reader curiosity about—get them hooked and keep them reading—or something you simply want the reader to know? If the former, be vague. If the later, be specific!

Example: You might want to be vague about something mysterious in their backstory. Say the story is from Lena’s POV and the reader—and her love interest Kara—don’t know that her family members are straight up evil people that used the company she now runs for their nefarious, evil purposes. You don’t want to say something like “Lena looked at the pictures on the wall, all the CEO’s of her company that came before her, and shuddered. All of them are her family members, and all of them are guilty of war crimes. She’s ashamed to be affiliated with them in any way, and she’ll die before she tells Kara about it.” That’s not inducing curiosity in the reader, really because you’ve now told them the mystery.

Instead, you might say something like, “Lena, as always, shuddered under the watchful eyes of the portraits of the former CEO’s hung up on the wall in their ornate, gilded frames. She wished she were brave enough to throw the damn pictures in the trash, or more honestly, wished she were brave enough not to let them bother her.” Ooh, suspense. Why? Why does she hate them, why do they make her shudder, why isn’t she able to junk them? And, crucially, we have not said they’re her family. Maybe the escalating reveal will go like this:

Reference 1: Lena shudders (inner life)

Reference 2: Lena calls them evil in her mind (inner life)

Reference 3: alluding to some of their war crimes (inner life)

Reference 4: as much detail as the reader needs to fully understand their evilness (maybe through a dialogue scene)

Reference 5: kara knows about their evilness!!! DRAMATIC TENSION (dialogue)

Reference 6: the big reveal: THEY’RE HER FAMILY MEMBERS dun dun dunnnnnnnn (inner life)

However, for other things, like what does Lena look like or how does she feel the first time she sees Kara? You can just say it, and if you want to, you can also use it to build world or character, like this: “Lena’s always known she was pretty, but as a child she hated her looks because she didn’t resemble her family in any way. Now, as an adult, that’s the one thing she’s immensely grateful for.”

I hope this helps answer your question, and please feel free to ask more questions about this, POVs, managing big reveals, or anything else.

[steamberrystudio]

Hello!! I am a brand new fan, (only about 75% of my way through my first Changeling playthrough) but I'm enjoying your writing SO much that I want to buy your other games ASAP! I had a few questions though, which I hope you won't mind answering! I tried to find the answers myself so as not to bother you, but I kept running into spoilers posted by other fans, so I thought I'd ask you directly!

1. I want to avoid s3x scenes -- kisses are fine, but I'm uncomfortable with anything nsfw. Do I need to avoid certain games entirely or toggle certain modes on or off or perhaps skip certain parts? Can you give me any insight as to what to expect?

2a. Which is the best platform to purchase your games on? Steam? Itch.io? I would want to make sure you receive the money!!

2b. If Steam is okay, then does it deprive you of any money if I purchase on a Steam sale? (Forgive me if this is a silly question: I don't really know how this stuff works!)

I've read a few of your devlogs talking about your process and the work you put into your games and I just want you to know that even though I'm still very new to your work, I'm amazed at your work and the quality of it!! It's extremely inspirational to me, and I hope someday I can do something cool during my life like you have with your games. Thank you for sharing your storytelling with the world!!

Hello! Thanks for reaching out!

Gilded Shadows and When Stars Collide both have love scenes that can be toggled to "fade to black" in the menu. Essentially it will cut the scene after some kissing and skip to after things have concluded and the characters are snuggling.

If you look at the content guide spreadsheets (for instance, here is Ari's list) you can find an explanation of exactly when and how the "fade" is handled.

All the content guides for each route in GS has an explanation for exactly where and how the fade happens.

When Stars Collide hasn't released the chapter with the NSFW scenes yet but I intend to set up the guide in a similar way. That said, the fades are handled much the same way.

2. Feel free to purchase on Steam or Itch.io - whichever you prefer. Ultimately the two platforms have different pros and cons to them so I prefer to encourage players to make purchases where they are most comfortable.

3. You should take advantage of sales when they're available. Games only go on sale when I want them to do so and with the discount I personally decide on. That means it's something I've chosen to offer to interested players. You should not feel bad for buying the game on sale! They're there to make the games more accessible to people who cannot or don't wish to pay full price!

Finally - when it comes to hoping to do cool things. I can't give a lot of advice and you didn't ask for advice anyway. But I do want to say that if there's ever something you feel inspired to do or that you just want to try - don't sit on that idea. Just try it.

I got into making visual novels because I played one and thought 'That seems interesting. I bet I could do it. I want to try." And that was it. I published Changeling less than four years later.

That was it. That was my whole reason behind starting to make VNs. "I want to try that" followed by "I want to make a really long indie otome game!" ╰(*°▽°*)╯

So if you ever want to try something, just try it.

It's a way to explore, to create and to reach through the cosmos somehow and connect with people you'd never have interacted with otherwise - just like us in this post right now! OwO

[sequinsmile-x]

You're a Mean One

Snapshots of three Christmases that Aaron and Emily spent together as she helps him learn to love the season.

-x-

Hi besties,

I think we all know there will be a number of Christmas fics from me over the next couple of weeks and I make no apologies for it. I am not feeling festive at all so I am hoping writing these fics will change that haha. I also will make sure I write non-Christmas fics as I go haha

Anyway, I wanted to write some sad Aaron because it's been a little while, and this is what came out.

As always, let me know what you think <3

-x-

Warnings: none

Words: 4.1k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

He’d never been a fan of the holidays. 

When he was growing up they’d only highlight how dysfunctional his home life was, his classmate's excitement about two weeks off school and scores of gifts at complete odds with how he felt. He loved school because of the escape it gave him, the structure, and whilst summer always took that from him for longer than Christmas did, he’d never hated it quite as much. He’d return to school in January and hear his friends excitedly discuss their new bikes or games. He’d join in and pretend that anything he had been given hadn’t been tarnished by his father’s actions and his mother’s determination to ignore them. 

Haley, on the other hand, loved Christmas. Her whole family did, and as soon as they were married he started celebrating with them instead of his family. Guilt for what felt like abandoning his brother and his mom would colour everything, even though his dad was long dead. It would seep into the taste of the eggnog he’d be passed endless mugs of, and dull the Christmas lights Haley’s dad had carefully wrapped around the tree, but he’d do his best to push past it. He’d remind himself he was building his own family now, that he was doing his best to start from scratch and build a solid foundation to ensure any future children they had would not have to grow up like he did. 

As with so many things in his life, it hadn’t worked out as he’d hoped. Any vague enjoyment he’d found in Christmas started to fade along with the life in his marriage. It disappeared entirely when Haley died. A part of him that she’d curated buried along with her. He did his best for Jack. Would paint a smile on his face and drag a tree slightly too tall for their apartment in through the front door. He’d buy gifts, decorate their home and do whatever he could so Jack would enjoy himself, but he couldn’t get past the block that he’d build brick by brick. A form of self protection that blurred the line with self sabotage as he told himself that maybe, he just wasn’t supposed to enjoy the happiest time of the year. 

Then he fell in love with Emily. 

Her love of the holidays, which outmatched even Haley’s, was something he’d known about long before that warm summer day when he’d finally found the courage to ask her out. He hadn’t thought about how she would bake everyone Christmas cookies and have a tiny tree on her desk when she smiled at him, her eyes shining brighter than the setting sun when she leaned in to kiss him. A breathless finally against his lips when she eventually pulled back. Even if he had thought about it 6 months ago it wouldn’t have made a difference. He loved her more than he’d ever thought possible, the way he felt about her the stuff of the romance books she liked to pretend she didn’t enjoy, and there was nothing that would have stopped him from moving forward with her. 

Her love for Christmas only seems to make Jack even more excited about it. She comes with them to buy a tree, but only after checking with him several times if it is okay, and he takes a step back and watches as Emily walks from tree to tree with his son on her hip. Matching looks of wonder on their faces as they debated the pros and cons of each one until they finally made a decision. He’d done what he’d done for years. He smiled and enjoyed his son’s enjoyment, and now his girlfriend’s, but he couldn’t get into the spirit of it himself. He knows Emily has noticed. He would wave off her concerns, would smile and then kiss her and say he was fine even though they both knew he was lying, his underlying frustration and sadness something he was used to hiding. It felt like so much a part of him now he didn’t know who he was without it, a pit low and heavy in his stomach that felt like the punishment he deserved for robbing Haley of every Christmas he got to experience that she didn’t. 

It comes to a head when they are discussing their Christmas plans with the team. She was spending the day with him and Jack, something else she’d also checked was fine multiple times before she’d yes, and when they told the team that they had the expected reactions. A squeal of joy from Penelope, a curt nod from Spencer, and a knowing smile from Dave and JJ. He’d even expected Derek’s reaction, a well-meaning joke that had added to the weight in his gut.

“Santa’s head elf and The Grinch spending Christmas together? I’d love to be a fly on the wall on the big day.” 

Aaron doesn’t get the chance to react because Emily does first. She narrows her eyes as she throws her pen at Derek, hitting him square in the chest, as she protests both of the titles he’d given them. Defending her love of Christmas and Aaron’s grumpiness with a vague threat and a raised eyebrow.

“I slipped a little brandy in your eggnog.” 

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he says, and he smiles as he looks up at her, taking the drink she hands him before she sits next to him. She presses her shoulder against his as he arranges the blanket over his lap over hers, and she links one of her arms through his, her other hand tight around her own cup of spiked eggnog. He takes a sip of his and lets out a breath at the burn of it as he swallows, chuckling as he turns his head to kiss her temple, “By a little brandy…did you mean the whole bottle?” 

She laughs and turns to look at him, the warm lights from the nearby tree never as beautiful as when he saw them reflected in her eyes, “I thought I’d loosen you up a little,” she says, winking before she leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth, “Make sure I can have my way with you later.” 

“We both know I never need any encouragement for that,” he says, kissing her firmly, tasting the eggnog she’d clearly snuck a sip of in the kitchen on her lips, “You don’t need to spike my drink for that.”

“Good to know,” she hums and rests her cheek against his shoulder as she continues to look up at him, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she studies him, her eyes flicking over every fine line and the first shadow of his beard, “Are you okay, honey?” 

He suppresses a sigh, capturing it behind his lips as he presses them together, and he tightens his grip on her thigh, “Em-”

“And please don’t tell me you’re fine,” she says, sitting up a little straighter, something close to desperation shining in her eyes as she shakes her head at him, “Because you clearly aren’t, and I don’t know why you won’t just tell me.” 

He wants to tell her but can’t. He doesn’t want to put this burden on her, to do anything that might ruin her enjoyment of what she’d told him was her favourite time of year. 

“Em-”

“Is it because of what Derek said? I’ll kill him,” she grumbles, shaking her head as she carries on talking, seemingly unaware she’d cut him off, “I know this time of year must be hard for you anyway because of Haley, but-”

Later, he’d know that it was the mention of his ex-wife that tipped him over the edge, that it was the final straw after years of repressing how he felt, but at the moment he’s talking, yelling, before he can stop himself. 

“Emily, will you leave it alone,” he grits out, raising his voice without meaning to, “I’m fine.” 

The shocked look on her face, the hurt that flashes in her eyes, fades as she chuckles dryly, “Clearly,” she says, looking down at her cup of eggnog before she separates herself from him entirely. She stands up and puts her cup down, her arms tight over her chest as she clears her throat, “I should go home.” 

Any misplaced anger he’d felt disappears the moment she’s by the front door, draining out of him as he slumps forward, his head in his hands as he listens to her zip up her jacket and pulls on her shoes.

“Sweetheart, wait-” he says, standing up and walking over, his hands in his pockets as she looks at him and cuts him off. 

“Aaron, it’s fine. You clearly don’t want to talk about it,” she smiles tightly, “I’ll go home, and you can call me tomorrow, okay?” 

He watches as she turns to leave and he swallows thickly as he reaches deep down inside of himself to find the bravery he’d felt on the day he first asked her out. 

“Please don’t leave,” he says, and she tightens her grip on the door handle as she turns to look at him, an expectant look on her face as she waits for him to continue, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted. I…I’m sorry.” 

She nods, finally letting go of the door handle as she crosses her arms over her chest again, “No, you shouldn’t have,” she says, her tongue sticking out to wet her lower lip as she steps closer to him, “But I forgive you. The holidays are hard sometimes.” 

He chuckles and nods, scratching at the back of his head as looks at the ground and admits something that makes him feel exposed, even though she’d seen him naked countless times, “I don’t remember a time they weren’t hard.” 

When he looks back up she’s standing just much closer, her jacket back on the hook next to his, with an understanding smile on her face, “Why don’t we go sit down and you tell me everything?” 

He nods and reaches out to squeeze her waist, another apology pressed against her as he holds her steady as she slips her boots back off. When they sit back down, once again wrapped around each other, his arm hugged against her chest and his head resting against the top of hers, he tells her. He tells her about his childhood, about how Christmas never meant for him what it did for other kids, how Haley had been the only one to ever make him enjoy the season and that she’d taken that enjoyment with her when she died. 

She listens intently, one of his hands sandwiched between both of his, her touch gentle and soothing as she runs her thumb back and forth over the heel of his hand. She only responds when she’s finished, tilting her head so she is looking up at him. 

“Did I ever tell you why I like Christmas so much?” She asks, and he shakes his head, “Christmas was always a spectacle when I was growing up. All of it was for show and none of it was for me,” she smiles sadly as she thinks about it and he squeezes her hand, “I decided then that when I grew up I’d make Christmas everything I always wished it had been,” she looks around his apartment. Looks at the tree and the gifts they’d already wrapped and the ornaments on every possible surface, and she scrunches her nose up, “I promise to tone it down next year.” 

He shakes his head, his heart growing in his chest at the casual mention of next year, as he cups her cheek, “No that’s not-”

“I never want to make you feel uncomfortable, honey,” she says, turning her head to kiss his palm, “We’re building a life together. That’s all about give and take,” she smiles, “But you have to tell me these things, okay? You know I’ll never judge you for it.  But I can’t help if I don’t know.” 

He nods and leans in to kiss her, making sure to rest his forehead against hers when he pulls away. “Okay, sweetheart.” 

___

He makes sure he quietly pulls Jack’s door closed behind him, although he’s sure after the excitement from the day he could slam it shut and the little boy wouldn’t wake up. 

It was their first Christmas in their new house. They’d signed the deeds just two months ago, Emily’s hand tight in his when they looked around it again once it was theirs, her excitement palpable as they walked from room to room, her smile close to shy as they stepped into the room the realtor had said would be perfect for a nursery. It was home now. Pictures of the three of them, the team and Haley scattered around the house, memories printed and framed that were ready to be joined by new ones. 

He smiles as he walks downstairs, following the sound of his fiancee’s humming in the living room. She had toned down the decorations as she’d promised the year before, but they had a bigger tree this year because they had more room so it was hard to tell if you didn’t look for it. She’d made a point of keeping it all in one room. She stopped short of wrapping a garland around the handrail on the stairs, her smile shy as she laid it over the mantle in the living room instead, making sure Christmas didn’t spill out from the living room. 

When he walks into the living room he finds her kneeling on the floor near the tree, carefully arranging all of the gifts they’d kept hidden until Jack went to bed. 

“He’s fast asleep,” Aaron says as he joins her, raising an eyebrow at her at the smile she throws him when his knees click, “I think the excitement wore him out,” he says, taking a gift as she passes it to him to lay it under the tree, “He should sleep through until the morning.” 

She hums, “Well if last year is anything to go by he’ll wake us up insanely early.” 

He chuckles, “We both know you were up before him last year sweetheart.” 

She sticks her tongue out at him but leans in to kiss him, her hand on his cheek as she holds him in place, drunk on him and her favourite time of year, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he says, stamping his lips against hers before they carry on arranging the gifts, “I don’t remember buying this much.” 

“Me neither,” she says, scrunching her nose up as she turns to look at him, “We’ll have to be more careful next year if we have a baby by then,” she adds, her smile turning shy, “Otherwise it will take all day to open them all.” 

They’d started trying shortly after he proposed to her, both of them more than aware they wanted a baby desperately and that time wasn’t necessarily on their side. The thought of it never failed to warm him from the inside out, the idea of her pregnant with their child, of watching her snuggle with a baby that was half him and half her, was enough to make him forget every awful thing that had ever happened to him. Each one of them something that he’d survived to make it here with her. 

“The first year, babies are more interested in the boxes and paper anyway,” he says, winking at her when she places her hand on his arm, her hope about what their future could hold as infectious as his, “Jack was only two months old his first Christmas, but even by his second one he was just fascinated by the wrapping paper,” he smiles at the memory of it, of the last Christmas he’d had with Haley before their marriage fell apart, “We ended up making a game of it. We’d toss a balled up bit of paper and he’d chase it.” 

She laughs, loud and booming and gorgeous, and she raises an eyebrow at him, “So what you’re telling me is we’ll play…fetch with our kid at Christmas?” 

“Not just Christmas,” he says, leaning in to kiss her again as he places the last gift in place, “Birthdays too.” He stands up, groaning at the ache in his knees, and then he offers her a hand to help her up. She leans against him, her arms hooking around the back of his neck as she kisses him, her moan stamped against his lips as he pulls her closer, his palm wide and warm on her lower back. 

“I’m looking forward to it,” she mutters, barely pulling back to speak before she kisses him again, her excitement and hope for their future sweet and addictive on her tongue. 

“Me too,” he replies, kissing her once more before he pulls her in for a hug, his cheek resting on top of her head as she sinks against him, her cheek against his chest so she can look at the tree next to them. 

“Are you doing okay?” She asks, pulling back to look at him whilst she tilts her head at him, “I know this isn’t easy for you.”

He smiles gratefully at her and he nods, “I’m okay. I promise. Watching you and Jack enjoy yourselves this time of year is enough for me.” 

She smiles sadly and she scratches at the back of his head, her fingers trailing through his soft short hair, “I know, but I wish I could make sure that you enjoyed it too,” she says, “And not just for us - but for you.” 

The truth was, she had started to help him find joy in it all again. He no longer felt like a spectator all the time, no longer felt like he was behind a glass wall whilst everyone else enjoyed themselves. It was still hard, but it felt manageable with her by her side. 

Everything felt manageable when she was with him. 

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to make me enjoy Christmas,” he says, a hint of challenge to his voice that makes her smile, “If anyone could, it’s you.” 

She smiles and kisses him, “You’re right,” she says, winking at him as she finally pulls away, her hand tangling with his as she leads him over towards the couch, “I’ll find a way.” 

___

He wakes up to the sound of crying. 

He sits up immediately, unsure when he’d fallen asleep at all, and he almost stumbles when he tries to stand, his limbs more uncoordinated than usual. He looks up when he hears his wife chuckling, her tired eyes meeting his as he walks over to the bed, drawn in by her. 

By them. 

“Daddy’s tired, Sophie,” she says, lifting the newborn from the bassinet next to the bed, soothing the little girl as she settles her into his arms, “You’d think he was the one who gave birth today.” 

He smiles apologetically as he sits on the edge of the bed, his eyes fixed on his girls together, “Sorry.”

She winks at him, “I’m joking honey,” she says, gently rocking Sophie as she tries to stop her from crying, “You’ve been up just as long as I have. I think she needs feeding.”  

He hums as he leans in to kiss her cheek, before he helps her undo her gown, “You're the one who had her, sweetheart. I just held your hand and brought you ice chips.” 

“You did a lot more than that and you know it,” she says, raising an eyebrow at him, her nose scrunching up as Sophie latches on, the sensation still new and strange to her “Besides, it’s never easy watching someone you love in pain.” 

She was right about that. By the time Sophie was born, it was close to 24 hours after Emily’s contractions had started. She’d taken in her stride, had refused most of the meds the doctors had offered her and walked around her hospital room as long as she could. He’d been there every step of the way, had been there to lean on - quite literally at times - as her body was pushed to its limit. Every contraction, every tear she’d shed, every time she’d insisted she couldn’t do it, disappeared the moment she was handed Sophie. He’d placed his hand over her shaking one on their daughter's back as he told her how much he loved her, how much he loved them both. 

“She’s worth it though,” he says, smiling as the newborn's eyes start to drift close, even though she is still eating.

“So worth it,” Emily replies as she lifts Sophie when she unlatches, smiling at her husband, “Want to burp her?” 

“Of course,” he says as he takes the baby and rests her against his chest. He stands up to pace with her as he pats her back, something he does without thinking - a ghost of a memory from when Jack had been this small. 

“Was Jack okay when you said bye to him?” Emily says, on the same wavelength with him as always as she reties the front of her gown, “I know this probably wasn’t the best way to spend Christmas Day.” 

Jack had spent most of his day with Jessica and Roy, eagerly waiting for news that he could go and meet his new little sister. By the time Sophie was born and they were settled, there were only a few hours of Christmas Day left. Even though Emily was exhausted, and even though Aaron suggested that Jack came to visit the following day, she’d insisted that he came - desperate to see their eldest on Christmas Day even if it was just for an hour or so. Watching the three of them together, Emily’s arm around Jack as she helped him hold Sophie, Aaron couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so happy, let alone the last time he’d been so happy on Christmas Day. 

“Are you kidding?” Aaron asks, raising his eyebrow at his wife as he looks at her, “He told me she’s the best Christmas present he’s ever had,” he smiles, “So I told him we’ll return that bike we bought him.”

She laughs and shakes her head at him, “No you didn’t.” 

“No,” he replies, smiling when Sophie burps, “I didn’t.” 

Emily holds her hands out to take the baby back from him, and he passes Sophie back as he sits on the edge of the bed again, “I’ve to say, when the doctor said December 25th was my due date, I didn’t actually think I’d have her today. Everyone kept telling me I’d go overdue because she’s my first.” 

It was something that he knew had driven her crazy the further into her pregnancy she got. The thought of being pregnant a moment longer than she needed to be, of being so uncomfortable a moment longer than she needed to be, enough to make tears shine in her eyes. She was insistent she wasn’t going to go overdue until the moment she went into labour on the evening of Christmas Eve, when the reality of their baby girl's due date seemed to finally hit her. They’d taken Jack to Jessica’s on the way to the hospital with some of his gifts packed into a bag and promised him they’d open the rest when they were home from the hospital with the baby. Aaron had imagined some kind of pushback, the boy's love for Christmas well established, but he’d agreed without argument - his eyes bright and full of excitement as he said he was going to share his toys with his sister.

“What was it Reid said?” He asks, shifting so his arm is around her so she can lean against him, “Only 5% of babies are born on their due date.” 

She hums and traces her fingers over Sophie’s cheek, “Hear that, Soph? You’re already special.” 

“Of course she is,” Aaron says, kissing Emily’s temple, “She’s our little girl,” he rests his chin on Emily’s shoulder so he can look down at Sophie, unable to stop himself from staring at her, desperate to learn everything there was to learn about her, “You really were serious about your aim of getting me to enjoy Christmas more.” 

She laughs and turns to look at him, her lips catching his temple before he tilts his head up to kiss her properly, “Yeah, well. You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do,” she says, as if she could have ever actually planned this, “It’s not just Christmas anymore though,” she says, kissing him again before she turns to look back at Sophie, her temple against his, “It’s her birthday too.” 

“Yeah,” he smiles as love and warmth and joy flood his chest in a way it hadn’t in years, “It is.”