#rd3d

[thousandyearphantombunker]

its not coddling to specifically go out of your way to teach a developmentally disabled person a skill they should 'just be able to pick up by watching others unless their r37@rd3d' like wtf is wrong with people who the whole thing with us is that we can't and it isn't because we get coddled into being 'spoiled manchildren/princess-conplex brats' it's because we need to actively be taught the skills that others pick up naturally on and yeah often times it can be, because of us having lower intelligence or poor physical coordination or being over sensitive to certain stimuli- what of it? Why make a big deal out of IQs or our clumsiness or sensory problems being the reason we can't just learn stuff- a lot of us will die and be sick if we are not taught these things-

Developmentally disabled people need people to actually go out of their way to teach them a lot of things. If we are dirty it's because no one taught us how to bathe and 'we were supposed to pick it up as we grew up because we saw our parents do it for us' is a bullshit argument- it's not our faults. It's not coddling to have someone go out of their way to actively teach us something we were supposed to passively pick up on- because we are actively learning a skill- and dear god the bullying you get because your late to all of these skills and it's for no good reason- to them sensory issues/poor motor skills just means your an oversensitive klutz. To them having a learning disability just means your stupid. If it makes you learn a skill late- to these people we are losers.

It's not coddling for us to use tools or actively be taught stuff. It's actually neglectful to not teach us.

Also advocating to neglect someone to make them more independent isn't the argument y'all think it is. Because a lot of neurotypical people get neglected by their parents and I wouldn't argue it made them more independent- they have emotional scars and a lot of them learned maladaptive ways to clean up their house or they struggle because the finer points of hygiene and nutrition are harder to pick up on than people think it is. They also die. Neglect doesn't create someone who is independent. It creates trauma.

Also to anyone who demonizes people who have been coddled- your a fucking idiot. Being coddled is a form of abuse- it's not fun to be coddled and have to rely on others and have your issues trivialized and your negative reactions be equated to that of a 6 years old throwing a tantrum and be told all your concerns are silly. It's not fun to have zero privacy and have no words to describe how awful you feel cause people use baby words around you and don't let you read 'big boy' books or watch 'big kid movies'. It's not fun to have so little faith in your own abilities or to have others have no faith in your abilities- and therefore you are incapable of acting on your own and have to play a passive role in your own life - others getting to make choices for you-It's not fun to not be able to eat for days if your dad leaves on a business trip for a short while and you almost starve to death because you can't take care of yourself and you need someone. It's not fun having no independence and having to rely on your abusers or die on the streets because you never learned about rent or how to cook or how to use a bus to get to a job. It's just another form of neglect- it also sucks to always have everyone assume that because you were coddled as a kid that you're a spoiled bratty Karen and apply all the negative cringe 'okay to bully' autistic traits on to you and act like your abusers where in the 'right'- that it was right to never allow you to hang out with other kids and that it was right of them to be stupidly strict/controlling because you effed up once which apparently proved them right about you.

Stop acting like overprotective strict parents are right- if your daughter does something stupid like running off with a stranger the second you look away then she's not the problem and you weren't doing the right thing by spying on her and never teaching her how to be safe- the reason she was unsafe is because of you. Because you coddled her. Stop justifying the actions of overprotective helicopter parents with 'but the kid is stupid/naive/too sensitive' because I can assure you the reason why the kid is naive is related to the shitty parenting.

Stop acting like being neglectful makes a kid more 'independent' all your doing is traumatizing them. All your breeding is low self confidence and personality disorders and bad coping mechanisms and anxiety disorders. All your doing is allowing them to get sick and eat unhealthy and go to school in weather inappropriate clothing- they have multiple missed vaccinations and yeah they can 'cook' for themselves (unhealthy slop that will leave them with zero energy)

Coddling isn't justified and people who grew up being coddled aren't bad people. They weren't privileged because being coddled isn't a privilege- it's just another form of neglect

Neglect doesn't help children gain skills- it doesn't forced them into learning to care for themselves. It forces them to suffer and hide it with maladaptive coping mechanisms. It causes them to have boundary issues causes them to daydream and unhealthy amount.

'I was abused and had to learn to care for myself because my parents were gonna let me die otherwise and if you can't handle the heat then your just less self sufficient than I am because your parents were too soft on you!' (meaning either your parents didn't traumatize you enough for you to be 'strong' and if they did then i either don't believe you because you didn't turn out like me/it scares me that I could've been like you or believe you just came out wrong and that my trauma made me superior)

Like all this attitude is, is a justification for child abuse

'pick yourself up by your bootstraps' unhealthy ass boomer mentality just applied to it childhood trauma and made it ableist. Neglect doesn't help children get stronger and being coddled isn't the victims fault.

to any parents reading this- if your kid has a developmental disability they will likely actively have to be taught certain skills- you cannot expect them to learn the way you did- you can't expect that they'll analyze and pick up on stuff passively like a neurotypical will- don't helicopter over them don't take over don't expect them to just learn- actually teach your kids how to take care of themselves. Neglect will teach them nothing and neither will coddling them- teach them step by step and actively make sure they understand what's going on- again don't take over or be condescending and don't force help that they don't want but you have to TEACH them and you have to do so ACTIVELY. Make a consistent purposeful effort.

I don’t think people understand how it is to have been behind on EVERY milestone. Learning how to walk? Late. Learning to read? Late. Learning to use the bathroom independently? Late. Every single milestone was late.

And when you have this, people ask questions. People bully you. Why can’t you shower by yourself at 9,10,15,20? Why can’t you brush your teeth independently and frequently? Why can’t you tie your shoes? Why can’t you do math? Why can’t you do this, or that.

And then there’s the people on social media. “Well I was forced to.” “Well I didn’t have a choice” and that’s understandable and completely valid, but there are people that no matter how much you force them, or neglect them so they “figure it out” they won’t “figure it out”. They’ll die. They’ll starve. They’ll not bathe and be dirty.

Higher support needs people don’t just “figure it out” our brains are wired differently. Our brains don’t get that we HAVE to do these things just to survive. So we don’t. And that sucks.

It’s disheartening to constantly hear people say “well i was forced to” because so was I!! I was forced to do things too! I was neglected too! And guess what? I still didn’t do those things. I STILL wasn’t able to meet those milestones.

The big one that I see is “well I’m forced to talk.” And I get that, but me, a person that’s nonverbal, can’t be forced to talk. No matter if I’m neglected, no matter if my device is taken away or I have no way of communication. I still wouldn’t be able to talk. I CANNOT force myself to talk. Get that through your heads. This is my reality, and although yours sucked there are still some people who cannot do things, and saying that they could if they were “forced” is invalidating of them.

[unpopularopinonssayingsxxx]

A mutual of mine who is in their 20s does have f/os from total drama but the character in the shows are 16 (they do age up the characters or make his sona age down to match)

They told me that have been crushing on the character brick when they're a kid and still do

But he got an anon box that calls them a pedo

THEY'RE INLOVE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER NOT AN ACTUAL 16 YEAR OLD LIKE HOW R3T@RD3D CAN YOU BE!!?

THEY'RE NOT LIKE HUNT FOR ACTUAL MINORS

[thousandyearphantombunker]

(cw dehumanization, ableism, religious ableism)

we need to stop associating all disabilities with any mythological/religious/alien creatures. Especially demons.

Yes that includes 'positive' dehumanization (angels, enlightened psychics etc)- that shit is also bad- it leads to insane expectations of people with mental disorders. It leads to people not seeking treatment for serious symptoms. It leads to infantalization and being treated as too pure. It's bad.

The demonization of people with cluster b disorders is horrifying. While many people say that those with personality disorders don't seek treatment because something something blame the disability (insane ableist bullshit- like there's some truth to the idea that the nature of personality disorders make it harder/less likely that they'll seek a diagnosis I think we need to stop acting like this is the main reason people don't seek help) or say shit like treatment isn't effective (it doesn't cure the disorder but it can provide resources and treatments that improve quality of life)- a huge reason people don't seek help is this shit. Personality disorders in general are demonized but cluster be disorders are seen an especially negative light

Honestly the more sevre the disability (or if the disability is perceived as more severe) the more likely the disorder is demonized/people with the disability (whether it's a cognitive/intellectual or emotional disorder or an anxiety disorder etc) are to be seen as dangerous. To the point many people use the terms psychotic and psychopathic to mean dangerous

Like as an autistic person it always baffles me how many people in my community are awful to those with intellectual deficiencies and cluster b personality disorders- I've dealt with this sort of treatment (more focused on how mindless/robotic/incapable of true thought or emotion stuff than demons- though the weird religious beliefs surrounding my disorder did pop up) and similar shit and dealt with the frankly rotten useless special education system (glorified daycare/learning to internalize that ableism classes) at like 6 years old up until I was old enough to not only identify ableism but also stop justifying it to myself and actually make a stand against it (so like at 17).

It's genuinely disgusting how my community forgets that a lot of us dealt with this sort of treatment and continue to dish it out toward people with disorders that were as stigmatized as autism once was (there's still plenty of autism stigma I'm tired of people saying autism stigma isn't a thing- autism speaks is literally a eugenicist organization and too many people are okay with it's existence but it's baffling to me that I can say I'm autistic to people now and not either get told 'stop making excuses' or 'if your autism causes these problems maybe it makes you too stupid to be treated like a human'- but instead get people asking questions- like obviously what I described still happens but it's less common and we are a lot more visible)

Can we not be like this? Can we not be like the people who've historically abused us? Can we be inclusive? Toward people with disorders like schizophrenia or down syndrome and cluster b disorders (which includes people with aspd and npd)

We've dealt with this shit. We have to be better. We have to stand against dehumanizing other disabled people. I grew up hearing all sorts of shit about the intellectually disabled and developmental disabilities including my own- how many criminals would compared to us how we ended up being seen as anti intellectual enemies (despite the fact that we are arguably the most negatively impacted by the anti intellectual movement) and how we were seen as too hollow/r37@rd3d to understand the difference between good and evil- but it feels like my community as soon as we started getting some degree of acceptance we started throwing people with other developmental disabilities/delays under the bus (despite the fact that many people with autism also have other developmental/learning disorders- outside of adhd). We started attacking people with personality disorders (despite the fact many autistic people also have personality disorders and insults/abuse toward autistic people is often justified by comparing us to those with npd) it's disgusting. We need to stop acting like people with disorders like this arent human and like they don't have human thought processes/are infiltrators trying to sneak into humanity

This shit reminded me of the weird and sometimes horrifying treatment and disgusting attitudes I faced as a kid. Dehumanization is wrong no matter who it's happening to and people with stigmatized disorders aren't our enemy. People who are more severely disabled by their disorders (autism or learning disabilities included) aren't our enemies. Our enemies are people like the person I showed above

[thousandyearphantombunker]

Empathy is a skill that is useful for building relationships but is ultimately not tied to morality or being a good selfless person. There are many people who are deeply 'empathetic' who love their families deeply care about their problems and feel the feelings of others- which causes them to act and they sometimes have the most fucked up moral codes and can be overly moralistic bastards who can't separate themselves from others problems because they judge everyone the way they judge themselves. Empathy is just the skill that allows you to see other people's perspectives which is useful in forming relationships and solving certain challenges but ultimately having the ability or not having it has no moral value. You don't have to feel what the other person is feeling genuinely. You don't even have to mechanically understand what they might be feeling based on whatever their situation is- you don't need empathy to be a good person- and a lack of empathy doesn't make you a serial killer/rapist. narcissists and people with personality disorders that affect empathy aren't going to murder everything in sight because they don't feel bad that your a burn victim and a lot of them will still be nice or supportive of you. But like don't hold them to a higher standard than you would someone who has empathy- they don't have to prove themselves to you inorder to be 'good'

Intelligence is the ability to problem solve which even with severe impairments can be improved and even if you struggle with having a low IQ you can still be functional/independent if you have coping mechanisms/proper support. It's not a measure of worth and doesn't matter that much in terms of your ability to be successful/competent in a lot of situations. Being 'low IQ/R37@rd3d/stupid' isn't a choice to be ignorant and should not be attached to a person's worth- the intellectually disabled aren't symbols of the anti intellectual movement they are it's biggest victims. They have romantic/sexual relationships get into drama fuck nasty and drink. They hold down jobs and learn things at school and go to college and do the exact same things as a 'normal' person- and no it's not easier for them because they get help from the gov't or school- accomodations and financial support are not unfair privileges or signs they are too stupid/incompetent to go to school or get hired for this job because they need a tool to do it. They get to go to school vote and hang out in the grocery store just like you- just because they struggle with it doesn't mean they should hide their existence and starve to death because they can't go out in public because it supposedly inconveniences you that much- non one should have to confirm to a social contract they never signed and could never maintain for the majority's comfort

Emotions are responses to stimulation- emotions like fear or anger are like pain- stop doing that it's bad for you. happiness is like pleasure- it tells you to keep doing the thing or that the thing is good. This can get mixed up because of illnesses like depression or addiction but it's not wrong to feel good in response to something you know is bad. It's just a blip in your brains functioning. You aren't a bad person for having the wrong emotional responses or having moments when your emotions get the better of you- it's part of being human. Our minds make shit weirder than it should be. It's just chemical responses- having an inappropriate response is okay so long as you don't act on evil shitty behavior because of it. And even then you can get better after those moments. You can learn to regulate your emotions. You might still feel the 'wrong' emotions but who the fuck cares outside of controlling ableist assholes

For the love of god stop moralizing/insulting a person's lack of skills/abilities/competencies I beg of you people- it's okay to not be good at things!

Its like claiming because a person can't do long division/drive they will clearly cause the end of the world and they are the source of society's ills because now people have to drive them places and they use calculators

I can walk and I can run because I have strong legs - that doesn't make me any better than a person who can't because of a physical weakness- they can still get around through other means and even if they can't it doesn't make them lazy or a failure

You can empathize/feel sad when your friend's uncle dies- that doesn't make you any better than the person who doesn't feel sorry for them- that person can still be a good friend without empathy-

You can solve complex math problems without accomodations because your smart- that doesn't make you better than a person who needs extra time or calculators

And if you try and argue that you are technically better because you don't need the help and that means you are clearly superior in terms of skill because your not deficient in some nebulous quality and how everyone has their place and should stick with it

or that people who can't feel empathy are secretly evil and just hiding it and if you have these issues and are acting like a good person still your just being manipulative because it's a mask guess what?

You're a fucking social darwinist. And someone who would absolutely support the thought police.

You feel the right emotions and have the right thoughts- but does that mean you act on those feelings and thoughts?

You're stronger than a guy who is physically weak due to a disorder

You are better at seeing than a guy who is blind

You are better than a guy on wheelchair at going up the stairs

Do you feel superior? Do you want to flex? Do us disabled people have to constantly go 'nonono no one with autism has incontinence or anxiety attacks or low iqs and we are all super friendly- we are good normal not even disabled autistic people' to be good enough?

Like the definition of disabled basically tells you we either can't do something or can do it but with a lot more difficulty and that it significantly impacts a part of our lives

The only good disabled person to some people is someone who isn't disabled at all.

Also at anytime you can become disabled. Not just physically but mentally or intellectually. It's not a sign of inherent superiority and your abilities can be taken away not because you failed but because that's how the world works

You could get a brain injury that impacts your ability to feel empathy

You could develop dementia or memory problems from a whole host of things

You can sometimes just wake up and have a mood disorder

Your at the top because of your skills not inherent 'good' qualities and those skills can be rendered useless or again get taken away because they don't make you superior- but you can also improve and get better- it's in flux- it's like working out a muscle you can improve these skills- maybe not get buff or strong but better and it's not tied to something you have or you don't

It's mainly about effort

You think other disabled people would understand this but a lot of them don't. Instead of preaching acceptance of people outside the mold people who are incapable of fitting inside it these people just go 'we actually fit the mold and better than you guys who made it we just chose not to because we are superior due to nebulous qualities that make us more logical and kind' and 'im just like a non disabled person and not impacted at all by my literal disability that wouldn't count as a disability if it didn't disadvantage me'

A lot of these people as kids heard things about their disabilities that were always said in an incredibly negative horrible way that impacted their self confidence and so they went 'well Im not like that- and I'm actually better than you guys cause I have all the good qualities you claimed I didn't because of my disability' they faced stigma.

They had these traits/symptoms applied to them regardless of whether they fit or not and then those traits got stigmatized and they were made to be these spoiled brat tyrants or future manchildren or abusers because of the way people act like these symptoms manifest. They made struggling with emotional regulation sound like you were an evil Karen or abusive partner in the making and that you cried over spilt milk and pointless things that you were the kid throwing a tantrum on the floor at McDonald's. They made the fact you didn't share the same interests as them into something terrible saying you were boring and would live a meaningless life

People act like if you have no empathy you're the next Hitler and you're going to eat babies with the kkk and sell kids into sex trafficking for profit because of you don't have empathy what's preventing you from being evil (a lot of people believe the baseline human is to be a selfish abusive prick who goes out of the way to be evil and that the only things preventing us from falling into those temptations are society and 'empathy')

People act like if you feel the wrong emotions or have the wrong thoughts you will act on them and become a pedophile (because of you think about doing something it's the same as doing it and your going to do it)

People act like we are going to blights on society and that our symptoms always manifest in ways that hurt others and that gave them the right to hurt us as children heck even as adults. Psyche abuse (which often gets brushed off due to stigma and creates insane power imbalances), infantalization (which no it is not fun to be treated like a kid all the time- it hurts people's self confidence and ability to care for themselves), neglect (because if you neglect a person with a developmental disability they will DEFINITELY start to mature and not just stagnate and suffer because they have to actively learn to take care of themselves with help from others- it won't kill the kid) etc it's uncomfortably common for disabled people to have trauma or atleast have faced adversity

So to protect their egos these people developed superiority complexes. Our symptoms arent fully neutral they impact us. But they aren't these negative or positive qualities like we try and make them out to be but when you've faced so much stigma so much ostracization so much 'if you can't sit with us then don't and know your place even if it means literal death and if you can sit with us if you try really hard (to the point it burns you out) your just lazy and need to change' you get angry. You got arrogant. You feel entitled or get indignant because you didn't deserve the shit you went through but it still hurts so bad. If that means dunking on others who are like (unintentionally because they still think these symptoms are evil/unsightly and often don't know other disabled people who do have these symptoms) then so be it. If it means dunking on people who are in the same group as those who hurt them so be it even if those individuals are innocent.

It's a toxic mentality but people can grow out of it. It's just also one of the hardest things to do.

"It's neurotypicals who lack empathy ACTUALLY'

stop. Lacking empathy is a common neurodivergent trait. It's common for people with personality disorders. We're not neurotypical. Empathy is a value neutral trait and says nothing about a person's character. You're not owning the NTs when you say that--you're just making other neurodivergent people feel unsafe around you and painting us as Bad People.

[asiadoesstuff]

When someone insults you by calling you an ‘Autistic R3t@rd3d Kid’ 😀

[truetrooper]

“Eating breakfast this morning outdoors before my first shoot today. It was a great shoot too.” #impictuready https://www.instagram.com/p/CQpPgs-rD3D/?utm_medium=tumblr

[xd6]

this is so ret@rd3d

Man dysphoria really sucks, social dysphoria makes it even worse cause I over perform masculinity to even try to 'pass' as genderqueer/look androgynous, and a lot of the time I think I do look androgynous but then, I still get ma'am'd and I just wish I could get testosterone and top surgery to branch back out into 'feminine' things again with a little more confidence, because there are some 'women's' clothes that are really cute that I'd never wear now cause well dysphoria. Oof I rambled

I feel you, nonnie. I often try to look masc, but like.... my hair is curly af, I’ve got long eyelashes, and my boobs are massive. So, I always get gendered as female, and it fucking sucks.

I know it’s hard to kick dysphoria’s ass, but look, you gotta remember that no matter how others gender you, you’re still nonbinary and still valid. You probably do look pretty androgynous, but people feel the need to gender everything and probably think it’s safer to gender you as female. That’s a them problem, though, not a you problem. What you need to do, though, is surround yourself with positivity and people who don’t misgender you. Following positivity blogs for enbies and making some nonbinary friends (IRL and/or online) can really help. And if you think it might help you, put up affirmations in places where you’ll see them a lot, like a bathroom mirror or a dresser mirror, on your computer, on your bedroom door, etc. Write down stuff you wanna hear that would feel validating to you. Being misgendered is probably always gonna hurt, but doing stuff like this might make it easier to handle/make it have less of an effect on you. You really just gotta build up some confidence in yourself and your identity and learn to love yourself just as you are more. I promise, it helps. For example, in the past year, I’ve gotten VERY loudly and proudly queer, and it’s honestly helped so much. Like, yes, being misgendered does hurt, but I’m able to move past it a lot more easily now because I have more confidence in my identity and myself.

And if none of this stuff works for you/helps you, please message me, and we can talk about some other methods to help you combat dysphoria. Also, if you ever need someone to talk to about anything, you can message me for that as well. My DMs and my askbox are always open if you need someone.

I know you didn’t ask for advice on this, but I really do hope something I’ve suggested helps. I’m sending you all my love and support, bean!! 💞💖💕

[mayakrishnaposts-blog]

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[coreyblingbling]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt_te4Pg5z-rD3d-akGLgzJI2nukDhkDixc62o0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=5mwh6wctq2xq