#really and truly every time i think about cyrus

[goldensunset]

diversity win! the guy trying to remake the universe in his own image is autistic

[saltylemontears]

freely || dr3

summary: you think daniel's the most beautiful when he's happy warnings: none a/n: this work is insanely short and i wrote this in 20 minutes, but i saw the video and my brain decided to think about a road trip with danny

you sit behind the steering wheel and adjust your seat for you to be comfortable for the next few hours. you put on your sunglasses, the warm american summer making its way into the car.

you've always liked road trips - getting to stare out the window and explore places you usually wouldn't even glance at normally. so, when you met daniel, who was just as passionate about exploring, you knew you've found the one.

well, speaking of daniel, he sits next to you, cozying up in the passenger seat after driving for the previous three hours. the late afternoon summer shines on his face, lighting up his features behind his own sunglasses.

you start the car. it's a bit bigger than you're used to, but it's not too bad, and you actually quiite like it. especially the radio, which can connect to your phone.

he rolls the window down, filling the car with fresh air. the wind brushes through his curls and he's smiling so hard. you return the smile, caressing his thigh.

you know how hard the past weeks have been for him, resulting in heartwrenching nights and sad mornings. so, you decided to plan a long trip around the us - because seeing him smile after all that is truly worth it.

as you focus on the dusty road, daniel shifts in the other seat, fiddling with the radio buttons.

he likes music, you know that, and so do you, so him turning on the radio isn't a surprise. he skips through the songs, trying to find one he likes, and when he does, he turns the volume up. he leans out of the window, yelling out the lyrics passionately.

you unconsciously join him, humming the melody at first, before turning to full-on belting, voice disappearing in the wind.

the playlist only gets better and it gets harder to focus on the road, singing that old miley cyrus song with the strangest accent. daniel turns to you with a camera, capturing a scene of you singing behind the steering wheel, the sun setting behind you.

when a song you both really like plays, you lock eyes and sing together, pefectly in sync. perfectly free.

you stop at a gas station to switch and to buy a red bull. you sit back in the passenger seat. danny is much more of a natural at driving, of course.

the sun sets, illuminating your faces red, and he looks over at you, caressing your hand with his own. and when you look back at him, you know he's finally happy. you know he can spread his wings freely. and you'll be here every time.

[leggerefiore]

Dunno if you’d be interested in writing smth like this since it could get really angsty but how would Cyrus, Colress, Volo, or Avery react to accidentally injuring their s/o during a Pokemon battle?

blonds and scientists...

cw: injuries, blood, hurt, comfort,

characters: Cyrus, Colress, Volo, Avery

What was supposed to be a fun sparring match with your boyfriend had turned into something unfortunate. A slip up during battle – Daring to move just a bit closer to the action due to intense focus. It led to an attack by his pokemon landing on you instead of your own pokemon. You fell to the ground while clutching the part of your body that had taken the brunt of the attack. Instantly, the room erupted into chaos, your pokemon rushed over to your side alongside your boyfriend. The man himself seemed to move at an impossible speed, forcing the pokemon away to assess you himself.

🌌Cyrus🛰

☄️ The Night Slash from his Weavile stung horribly as you clutched your arm and doubled over in pain. The poor pokemon looked mortified by what it had done, staring at you with large, red eyes. Your own pokemon desperately tried to help you, too, making a sad cry and nuzzling into your side. The worst of the three had to be Cyrus, who gazed in a nearly frozen state at your bleeding arm. You could already tell that he was blaming himself for what happened to you. His self-deprecation was harsh and unforgiving. You wished for him to say something, but nothing would leave him. It was silent. Weavile even dared come closer to you and started to purr into your side, trying desperately to apologise. You held no admonition toward the pokemon, nor did you its master.

☄️ Cyrus felt completely taken aback by the situation. Certainly, he was aware that pokemon could be dangerous. Injury to humans were not uncommon – There was a reason most people wore repels when they had no pokemon or carried at least one on their person for protection. He was familiar with the fact that even pokemon that were close to humans could cause injury. A certain scar on his body tingled – A past electrical current that had ripped through him and rendered him unconscious, haunting his memory. His Weavile had not intended to do such a thing. He swallowed. Responsibility… He felt a desperate urge to take full responsibility for this. Seeing you in pain… the heart in his chest could not be more despised. These horrible feelings… He should be thinking about how to tend to your injury, not standing stunned into a silent stare.

☄️ “I… I apologise,” the words left him as he finally knelt down, pulling out a handkerchief and applying pressure onto the slash. He observed his Weavile's attempts to placate you with a distant curiosity. The pokemon clearly was upset with itself. He frowned deeper. It was not its fault… “This is my fault–” Before he could begin his repentance, you silenced him. Bringing your hand to genuinely cover his mouth, you shook your head. Instead, all you asked if that he helped to treat the wound. Cyrus nodded. There was no need for any more words to be spoken – no need for further guilt. Insubstantial and fleeting, those feelings faded. He wanted to say that, but his heart felt heavy every time his eyes found your bandaged arm. Only after it healed did he finally forgive himself.

🥼Colress🛸

🧪 You clutched your arm as you tried to observe the damage from the Wild Charge of his Klinklang. You felt desperately lucky that it had not been a Gear Grind or that you might have been down a limb. Instead, a nasty burn followed your vein from where the electricity had run through your body. Thankfully, you knew to raise your left arm up so that the electricity did not run there. Klinklang hovered near you as silently as it could, mechanical eye blinking at you, the poor thing looked truly terrified. Well, as much as living gears could, you supposed. Your own pokemon was at your side, letting out sad cries and trying its best to comfort you. Colress knelt in front of you before you realized, tentatively taking your own into his gloved hands and observing your injured flesh. The pain was a strange kind of indescribable. You struggled to comprehend what Colress was feeling.

🧪 A scientist at heart, he had been paying special attention to this battle. It was between him and his partner – How would the bond between his pokemon and his partner play out? What of the ones he held with their pokemon? It was also fascinating to him. Perhaps he had been too focused on that, as this incident seemed avoidable. You should not have gotten so close to the battlefield, but he should not have failed to discern the risks. He would note this for future battles against you. But, his main concern became exceedingly obvious. An electric attack to a human could quickly prove fatal. Thankfully, you understood the path of least resistance and had acted accordingly to prevent lethal damage to your heart. Colress felt mortified at the thought. Losing you was unthinkable… Especially at the hands of his Klinklang. His partner pokemon...

🧪 “… A terrible error,” he mumbled as he drew his finger down the burn and narrowed his eyes. Getting you to a doctor was a high priority. You were stable as it was, but he worried his medical knowledge would not prove well enough here. He was aware that his heightened emotional state made him more likely to make errors. As much as bonds could provide strength, he would acknowledge the weakness they could also provide. “Can you stand? Do you feel stable?” he fell into a questioning mode to determine further his next course of actions. Your answers were carefully noted as he helped you along. In the end, he was unsatisfied with his performance and felt a focus on safety was required. Unleashing potential still mattered the most, but when it came at your detriment… Colress found himself unable to accept such results. He would rerun his simulations and tests. Your safety would be guaranteed.

📜Volo💫

⭐️ Your arm bled as you attempted to compress the large slash that had unfortunately been laid into your arm. Volo's battling style was particularly ruthless, and that meant even a usually gentle pokemon as Togekiss could do some severe damage under his tutelage. The poor fairy-type was pressed into your side and made sad coos. Your own pokemon was in a similar condition. It was honestly more painful seeing the pokemon so upset than from the actual injury that it had inflicted onto your arm. The harsh winds it had cut into you with haunted your mind. Volo stood over you silently with an unreadable expression. The attack certainly not been intended for you, but unfortunately, the desire to get closer to the action had cost you something this time. Togekiss had looked mortified the moment it had realised where its attack was going.

⭐️ There was nothing but a shaking sense of terror in Volo's heart. Perhaps a fleeting moment of the past, he would have desired nothing more than to see you as you were. Beneath him and weakened. Now, he felt sickened. The blood coming from your wound, and the obvious distress of his partner pokemon. Battling was dangerous. Pokemon were dangerous. Hisui was dangerous. His breath hitched. An injury like that could prove fatal. Why…? Why had you gotten so close to the battle? Were you an idiot? How had you survived for so long?! Frustration ate his heart horribly. Maddening… Everything had become maddening as of late. You were being foolish. He wanted to grab you by the shoulders and shake you, but that would change nothing.

⭐️ His hands grasped your arm as he pulled out cloth from his bag. He began to wrap it around the wound carefully. Injuries were a frequent thing in the wilds, so he was always prepared – even applying a salve meant to help it heal faster. It was silent as he did this. Words were beyond the situation. He caught your hand after he had finished his work. Lips pressed to your knuckles. He closed his eyes. “… You're an idiot,” he mumbled quietly, “… You, of all people, should know how pokemon are.” His grey eyes stared into your own. You were silenced by his harsh words. There was nothing to say. His Togekiss let out another pitiful cry. You brought a hand to pet its head. Volo stood up and turned away from you. He would be harder on you about battle etiquette – even if he did not really care for such a thing.

🎩Avery🥄

🔮 You felt dizzy after being hit by the Eerie Spell from Avery's Slowking. Sitting on the ground, you clutched your head as you attempted to overcome the effects of the psychic attack on your mind. Thankfully, it was nothing physical, so there was no concern for blood or concerning damage, but you were uncertain as to just how long the effect of the move would be on a human. Slowking was at your side, attempting to make a potion to aid clearing up your condition. It was endlessly distressed by what it had done to its trainer's partner. Your own pokemon sat trying to help support you. Avery stood above you with shrunken pupils and a grimace on his face.

🔮 He felt mortified that this had happened. If this had been an official match, he shuddered at the penalty that might be given to him. You had definitely been too close to the battlefield – Especially for those that held the potential for Dynamaxing, but his Slowking had completely missed your pomemon and unleashed a powerful attack on you. He knew the pokemon had no real intention of doing that, but it still happened. You were clearly dazed by the harsh psychic attack. If only he were more competent with telepathy, he might have been able to negate the effects. He felt frustrated by the situation. It only got worse when his Slowking tried to offer you a potion it had created. The chances of something good coming for it were not exactly something he wanted to risk.

🔮 Avery instead sat beside you and let you rest yourself against him. His arm was around your shoulders. He tried putting all his focus on anything related to telepathy – Desperately, he wanted to see some kind of effect. Nothing came, but you slowly came back to your senses from the odd effect of the trance. Blinking a few times, you met Avery's gaze. He let out a received sigh. Then, you started laughing. His heart raced. Was this another effect?! Panic rushed into his mind. “Wh-what!?” he managed to ask, quite inelegantly. Through your laughter, you managed to get out, Slowking and behind him. You pointed. He turned around. His top hat had apparently flown off in his panic to get over to you, and now his Slowking donned it. He was silent as he stared at the sight. You were okay, it seemed.

[uisceb]

we like to throw around “this altered my brain chemistry” but I think Wicked really did do that to 10 year old Ariana. Probably a combo of her young age and meeting the OG Kristin Chenoweth afterwards. She’s so hilarious when she relates the fact that Kristin’s dog peed on the couch and she helped clean it up like it was an honor. I’ve seen some ppl who were skeptical about her always having been a fan, they thought it was a typical PR line, but just the fact that she politely stalked Marc Platt for a decade about updates (which he talked about too recently!) is really something

TRULY though, yes! I know I joke about it but I’ve honestly loved seeing her be this obsessed with her character and this lovingly committed to the story and themes as a whole, like you can tell her entire heart is in this thing and has been since tiny childhood.

Also I’ll admit I was one of the people who was a little skeptical about her casting at first. I didn’t think she’d be BAD, but I’d never had any strong opinions one way or another about her or her music. Pretty much all I knew about her was that she did those insane spot-on musical impressions on SNL and Jimmy Fallon, I loved her little backyard performance of Don't Dream It's Over with Miley Cyrus, she was funny in Scream Queens, and the very few times I watched Victorious I remembered her being the only part of the show I actually enjoyed (actually both she and the mean girl, what's-her-name, they were a good comedic duo). Basically I figured she’d have the vocals and the comedic timing to give a good performance of Popular. 

But I had no idea if she’d have the acting chops for the heavier or more subtle moments in Wicked, and I didn’t know if she’d be able to nail the more operatic-style singing - so of course straight out the gate with No One Mourns the Wicked I was like…Oh. Okay, she understands Glinda on a level we mere mortals can't fathom, actually. And then it just became clearer and clearer over the course of the movie and in every interview she’s given that this story has been slow-cooking in her brain forever. Love it, love her, love that she met Chenoweth and became determined to be Glinda as just a little thing, love that she politely stalked Marc Platt for a decade lol - all her hard work and obsessive fangirling clearly paid off.

[desmon1995]

Light It Up, Fox!

I think reunion square has to be one of the saddest members from the Warriors concept album and it gets set of every time I listen to it.

I think a big reason for that is that this song really does cement that Fox truly is the youngest of the group (I'm going to as soon as Fox is anywhere between 15 to 18 years old)

In the beginning of the song after she and the others escape the Bizzes she says " God, half of us are gone" and she later lashes out at Victor after he cat calls the Warriors.

What I find really interesting about her rant is that it shows that Fox (presumably out of every Warrior besides Cleon) has truly taken Cyrus's word to heart as she assertively points out that Victor and his ilk are the reason they've had to suffer not only here but throughout life.

She asks why can't they go back home and has eternalized herself as the "Quiet Girl" that isn't gonna make it.

What's cool though is that she flipped this on her head and ends ups truly realizing what the Hurricanes were actually was trying to say.

When you're stuck in the darkness you have to do your own life sometimes not just for you but for the others in your life that may not be able to burn as bright.

This realization causes Fox to LEAP into action realizing that if Victor calls his boys they'll be able to stop stop the train and potentially arrest/kill the Warriors.

Something of note here is that this song takes cues from The World was Wide Enough where we see Fox's life flash through her eyes.

Queens- You can do 99 things right,but meet the wrong Cop at night and it's braapt on site ya dig?

Manhattan- survival all depends upon the corner you run to.

Ajax- I'm sick of running

Warriors- Only the strong survive

Ajax and Rembrandt- Anybody tussle with these hands they'll see static

The battle between Fox and Vic is brutal and he beats her so badly that she breaks something and starts bleeding.

Another thing that I noticed after some repeated listening is that it seems that out of all of the Warriors, Fox seems to look up to Swan and Ajax the most (Rembrandt too apparently).

She laments that Swan could have taken Victor out but she's not her and not too long after that the cop puts his foot on her throat and kicks her into the incoming train.

I think what's beautiful about this tragic moment is that Fox ends up embodying the other sentiment of Quiet Girls and ends up becoming an arc of light both literally and metaphor.

It's actually quite a clever nod to me that Fox herself it's played by an Asian actress ( Pippa Soo) because been Chinese, Japanese, and Korean mythology there is a creature known as the Kitsune.

Kitsune are basically Divine foxes that more often than not typically take the form of females to live amongst humans.

They act as a guide to the afterlife and use something called foxfires to communicate with others throughout the night.

Fox being the one to truly embrace what the Hurricanes tried to tell the Warriors and becoming the light that guided her friends home through her demise is quite a common trope with kitsune, especially if they bonded with a human.

I just think it's a really cool way to not only lift a sort of nothing character from the original on the bed but also make them stand on their own.

[midnightsun-if]

If the MC was a mind reader for a day, what’d be the first thing they hear the ROs think when they see the MC? (crushing stage)

Koda: Just super excited— wouldn’t truly know what to do with himself. He’s coming over here! Oh, I hope he wants to spend time with me… Did I remember to wear my good shirt?… Is this my good shirt?

Scarlett: You probably wouldn’t hear anything of great importance— barring a passing thought of your chosen outfit, potentially anyway, as Scarlett isn’t lovey dovey when in the crushing stage… You would notice the darker thoughts lurking within the back of her mind recede, however— your presence being the proverbial ray of sunlight through darkened clouds.

Cyrus/Cyra: An influx of confused thoughts as they try to figure things out— everything you cause in them is something they’ve never felt before. Is this what Icarus felt like when he was graced with the sun’s presence? Will I end up flying too close as well? What will happen then? Will I fall or learn to soar?

Quinn: You’d probably hear a brief argument between them and their wolf: No, it’s not a good time for you to meet them yet…. Because I said so. I need to get to know them a bit more before I introduce my giant furry counterpart… Grumble away, see if I care.

Caden: Business as usual, but they’d be a bit more distracted than what’s typical. The report needs to be finished by midnight… Will that give me enough time to finish my usual walk with MC? They’d shake their head, clearly trying to right themself and get back on track. I’ll just figure something out.

Sloane: Would probably be having an inner rant about various things they’re seeing: Can’t believe that’s what they decided to wear… Who needs to wear that much pink?!? It’s like a marshmallow threw up on them— Cue them seeing you. MC would look cute in that travesty… (It’d be a fleeting thought but it’d cause them to frown and get a bit huffy.)

Blake: They’re crushing stage is a bit odd… as it’s typically wherein people grow closer (and it’s the same with them, in a sense, but it’s also when Blake tries to avoid you to gather their thoughts too). MC looks so good today… Why can’t I just walk over there and say hi? You’d see them begin to move towards you before stumbling, an annoyed expression on their face. Oh, that’s why. Because every time I try my heart decides to do the Macarena.

Reginald/Regina: Just a slew of questions and half-hearted hopes… Things that they’d like to know, that they hope are true, but aren’t brave enough (yet) to truly learn the answer. Would they want to go with me? Should I even ask? They look really nice today, and I think it’d be fun… Just ask them… It’s better to know for sure. Right?

[fandomsareforlife]

Lost In What You Think Of Me (And Too Confused To Choose Who I Should Be)

Zane always had felt…off. Even after learning who he is, and gaining his memories again of his father, he still doesn’t really know who Zane is. Pixal, or Primary Interactive eX-ternal Assistant Life-form,is an android with a specific purpose in mind: serve Cyrus Borg the best as she can. So when she meets the ninja, specifically one with white like her, she isn’t sure what to do about the new things that swarm her head. OR Zane and Pixal’s evolving relationship with both each other, life and gender, told over the series in a series of drabbles up to season 13.

AN: Hiiii I know I have been dead but I prommy I had a good reason. I was writing this beast of a fic! It's 12,534 words so I recommend reading it on AO3 but you do you boo

I wrote this for the Ninjago Big Bang 2024, with accompanying art from @froginninjago on Tumblr and @caseyjonesisinthehouse on tumblr!

Anyway, trigger warnings include canon typical violence, death (it is a Zane centric fic what you expect?), grief, accidental misgendering, and gender dysphoria

Read On AO3

Zane had never truly felt at peace before. He knew that he had come from somewhere, but where that was remained a mystery to him. He had no memories of who he was, nor did he have any knowledge on who he was supposed to be.

He did not know if he had any enemies in the past, or any friends. He did not know if he had always enjoyed ice cold drinks or if he used to prefer warm ones. He did not even know if his name really was “Zane,” or if that was just a name his mind came up with to deal with the lost memories of who he is. He did not even know if he was actually a male or not.

All he knew was that he woke up in a cold bed, with an elderly woman sitting next to it, in the dead of winter. She had asked him many questions, like where he was from, and what his name was, and why he was there.

Zane could answer none of them.

She gave him a funny look, her lips pursed, but she didn’t make any comments, instead telling him to take a shower and meet her when he was done.

There was an odd disconnect between his mind and his body as he bathed, but Zane chalked it up to not remembering what it was like before he ended up here, and ignored the voice in his mind that said that was not what it was.

The next months were a blur.

Zane was initially put into the orphanage, because he thought he was a teenager, but they kicked him out because he was considered too odd. He didn’t know why they thought that, but he had heard whispers about how he was “a fruity weirdo” and how he should be with the men more than the girls, and how he shouldn’t enjoy cooking as much as he did.

The comments made no sense to Zane, but he never asked for any clarification about them, instead simply leaving the village, for he figured that he should not cause any undue inconveniences on others. The old woman whose home he had woken up in was kind enough to give him a basket full of dried food, things that would last a long time, and warm clothes, no matter how much he insisted he did not need them.

Setting off into the world, Zane made a conscious effort to avoid staying in one place for far too long. He had learnt his lesson the first time: people would tolerate you for short doses, and then proceed to get annoyed at the idea of you existing, for some reason, so you had to leave.

He would stop occasionally at small villages, offering up what work he could do, mostly menial things like carrying lumber or picking crops, in exchange for money or food. At every village, he would eventually get ostracized, though, because he was "odd," just like he was shunned at the first village. And then he would be left on his own, with no real knowledge of who he was or what he was doing.

Eventually, Zane made his way down from the frozen mountains to the valleys, which, while just as cold as the mountains, were rumored to be abundant with natural resources that one could live off of if they were willing to endure the cold. Of course, no one would ever be crazy enough to do that, right?

Well, Zane was already considered crazy, and the cold did not bother him much anyway. He would take his chances.

And for a while, he was alone. He would occasionally pass by travelers trying to get to a village in the mountains, but they were far and few between. All Zane had was his meager supplies, the berries around him, and the few animals that were willing to brave the cold alongside him.

But one day, a strange man found him while he was meditating under the water. Zane was baffled as to what he was doing, but the man simply told Zane that he could come with him and have a place to stay, and in exchange Zane would train under him.

Something in Zane's mind told him he should go with the man, that he should be eager to protect the innocents, so with a nod, Zane got out of the water, and followed the man to his monastery.

~~~~~~

Getting to the monastery, Zane couldn’t help but still feel out of place, but at least here he had a purpose.

He was to be the ninja of ice, dressed in white. He was to defend those who could not defend themselves, as was the ninja way. He was getting better at his shurikens of ice, and at the obstacle course. In regards to ninja training, Zane was excelling.

On the other hand, he was not excelling at getting along with the ninja at some times.

It wasn’t like they were cruel. Not like the others at the villages Zane used to stop at on occasion, that forced him to run away time and time again from their cruelty. No, they were far kinder to him.

But he could not shake off the feeling of being an outsider. Maybe it was from how the others would talk about their families, and how they always seemed to know what to do, and they never seemed to feel out of place in their own bodies.

They didn’t seem to be drowning in something like Zane was.

Zane did try to get close to them. He played video games with them, sparred against them, cooked food for them, but…there was always a disconnect it seemed. Something always felt a bit…off.

The time this was most prevalent was when Cole showed him some of his drawings in exchange for a chocolate cake. Zane admired how realistic they were, with how sharp Kai’s jawline was in contrast to the softer edges of Jay and Nya’s, and how Wu’s hat was so detailed it seemed more like a photo than a drawing.

And then there was the portrait of Zane.

There were none of the curves in Jay and Nya’s portraits, instead only angles. Even his eyes, which Zane always viewed as the softest part of him, were harsh, the pencil lines pressed down so hard Zane wouldn’t be surprised if there were imprints on the other side of the paper. He wasn’t smiling, and the whole drawing was in black and white, unlike the others with colors splashed in.

It was probably as accurate as the other drawings, but Zane couldn’t help but feel a disconnect to it. Like he was looking at someone else’s picture, not his own. His heart ached, and his mind wanted to take the piece of paper and rip it apart and scream at Cole for making a drawing of him that was so wrong.

However, he did not tell Cole this, because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so he smiled weakly and said it was wonderful. The smile on his friend’s face barely soothed the ache in Zane’s heart.

—-----

As time went on, the ache in Zane’s heart grew worse and worse. The majority of days it was tolerable, but on some days it was so bad he could barely stand it.

On one such day, he was in such a state that nothing seemed to be real. He was lucky he did not injure himself while he was training, and he didn’t seem to make any large errors in socializing with the others.

When it came time to start dinner, Zane could not find his usual apron, a simple black and red one, but he did find a bright pink one that he thinks Jay got Nya for…something. Zane couldn’t honestly think of why he did it, for all he cared about was that his gi would not be at risk for getting dirty while he cooked with the apron.

Slipping on the apron, Zane felt…odd. The ache in his chest eased up just a bit, and he could breathe normally for the first time in what felt like hours. It was with a happy hum that he cooked dinner.

But when he went out, he learnt that no, boys do not wear pink, why are you wearing that, is that a joke, Zane? Zane could feel his humiliation build up and the ache come back, worse than before, as he watches his fellow ninja throw the food he made so carelessly.

After that, things seemed to go in a whirlwind. The ache stays all the time now, and Zane is left wondering where it came from.

Learning about his origins, and the fact that he did have a father, who loved his son very much, even if he was mechanical, should have made Zane feel better. Instead, it had the complete opposite effect on Zane, because he was sure that androids, sorry, nindroids, were supposed to be content to follow the programming that their creator gave them. At least, that seemed to be what Jay’s comics said.

But knowing he was supposed to be a boy made Zane feel…hollow. Why did he feel this way? He was to be a boy, so why did that idea make his skin crawl?

There was no room for such questions. So like he had so many times with things that hurt, like the lost memories and the cruel words, Zane ignored the issue. If he did not think about the issue, then he would never need to deal with it.

A perfect solution.

~~~~~~~~

Many months after Zane learnt the truth of himself, in New Ninjago City, in what would be the tallest building in Ninjago, another nindroid was being awoken in the workshop of Cyrus Borg.

Her name was Primary Interactive X-ternal Assistant Life-form, or P.I.X.A.L, or as her creator called her, Pixal.

Cyrus had built her a brilliant silver, and no detail was overlooked. She was average height for a female, and her clothing was a homage to the female rulers of the past, to remind them of all of those that came before them. Even her hair was amazing, with each strand a special blend of metals that made it flexible, yet able to hold a shape.

She was perfect. Cyrus had spared no expense for her build, and it showed.

Pixal was Cyrus’s sixteenth attempt at an assistant, and while she no longer had the issues of overheating like her predecessors, there still were issues with the artificial intelligence enhancer-emotion suppressor chip. Cyrus wasn’t sure how to fix this, however, so he simply left it as it was because quite honestly everything else seemed…perfect.

She was a dutiful assistant, as Cyrus programmed her, able to do anything he requires from her. Not that he asks for much, but it is nice to see her succeed. Like a parent might feel, he supposes.

The main issue is her lack of emotional understanding. She seemed to struggle with the idea of being her own being and not an object of Cyrus’s. But he can only be patient, and hope that the AIE-ES chip will soon be repaired so he can fix the issue.

After all, there was only one incident in which her lack of emotional depth caused any real issues, and that was quickly solved by some of the human employers.

Cyrus was sure everything will be fine.

~~~~

Zane wasn't sure what he was doing with himself when he found himself a teacher after the Overlord was defeated, and he and his brothers (for they were brothers now) were left powerless and Lloyd was gone.

He knew why Wu gave them the job of being teachers at his academy, despite none of them having any qualifications: he wanted them to have something to do, instead of wandering around aimlessly. Even if Wu said it was to have some extra help in preventing their students from getting into mischief, Zane knew better.

But being a teacher was not without its challenges. His students, former pupils of Darkley’s School for Bad Boys, were unwilling to listen to him when he taught. They couldn’t be reprimanded for long, for they did not fear the consequences. And he had no clue what he was doing, for a 6-week course was not enough to teach anyone, even an nindroid, how to be a teacher.

It did not help that being called “Mr. Zane,” made something in him hurt. He had no clue what it was, because all of his operating systems were functional, and none of his research or questions to his family could give him answers.

The ache reminded him of when he asked his father if he could modify Zane, because Zane was both terrified of having his memories removed and of having that longing in him for the rest of his life. But he only told his father of the fear of his memory being lost, because it was too hard to explain the odd feeling he felt.

But his father, the man he desperately hoped would understand, told Zane he was perfect. “I could never make you any better than you already are,” his father had said.

His father could not fix him, and he would not offer Zane any advice on how to fix himself, even on his deathbed. Zane never felt so helpless as he did when he heard his father take his last breath, on that hospital bed.

There was no time for grief, though. There never was. So Zane simply picked up the broken pieces and moved on, even if it felt like he was drowning in honey.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Meeting Zane was…odd for Pixal. He was just so human-like. He did not seem to mind being out of date, when Pixal knew if she ever got that outdated she would most likely be decommissioned.

She did not understand why she had scanned him, but she did feel…something in her system malfunction when she did. She could not understand what was the issue, so she made a note to investigate and do a diagnostic later on.

However, a diagnostic was unable to be completed, for she suddenly could not control any part of herself. She found herself moving along to the commands of the Overlord, who was somehow, against all logic, still there, and able to force Pixal to do his bidding.

Pixal could not stop herself from attacking the children, when logically she should never do unless entirely unavoidable. Logically, making copies of Zane for an army was bad, but nothing she did could stop her body from doing it. Making a body for the overlord was a terrible idea for the fate of ninjago, but she could only watch as Lloyd got his powers drained out of him.

Everytime she tried to go against the Overlord, she got the same error.

REQUEST DENIED. FOLLOW OBJECTIVE CHECKLIST.

If Pixal could feel, she would feel despair.

~~~~~

Zane wasn’t upset about being left behind at Garmadon’s monastery. He understood that the ninja needed someone to watch over the Techno Blades, and as the one who required the least amount of sleep, Zane volunteered for the job. But that did not mean that he was not lonely, all by himself.

He did not like being by himself with his thoughts. It let the voice inside of him, that whispered that being called a brother was wrong, grow too loud to ignore. And all Zane could do with that voice was ignore it.

In a weird way, he was grateful for the chance to fight something outside of his mind, even if he was annoyed that the nindroids ambushed him. Well, he was with most of them. Pixal he was glad to see, if only because she was so much like him.

When he used his technoblade on her, he did not expect to free her from the Overlord’s brainwashing, nor that the way to defeat the overlord was to use the technoblades to erase the Digiverse entirely. But he supposes that is just how life is when you are a ninja.

When they get onto a circus truck to get to the city, in order to avoid suspicion, Pixal offers to repair Zane. Zane sees no harm in letting her, even if he did not like being repaired. but quickly regrets that when she pokes at his heart. It hurt, but different from the ache he was used to. It didn’t feel wrong, it simply hurt. A blinding pain he wished to never feel again..

Pixal was apologetic, though, so Zane forgave her for it. He then tried to answer her question about why he was so different from others, but he had no satisfactory answer.

He was just different. Being different was something that Zane had gotten used to being.

However, being different did not make it any easier to hear Pixal tell him they were compatible as she powered off, nor did it make the guilt he felt go away at being the reason she powered off.

~~~~

Everything after receiving Zane’s power supply was a blur to Pixal. She somehow could feel so many more things she could have never imagined. She felt a connection with Zane, unlike any she had ever felt.

She also felt an odd sort of thing, that made her want to be Zane. She had chalked it up to having half his heart, which surely had unforeseen results.

But she felt…freer than she ever had when she was fighting with him. When the ninja called for Zane, she wished she was Zane. She felt more like Pixal when she was with Zane than without him.

(A part of her wondered if she wanted to be Zane, but that was preposterous. She was programmed to be Cyrus Borg’s female assistant, and not a piece of her code was to make her want to be a boy. It was simply illogical to feel this way.)

Her creator did not seem to understand what she meant, however, when she tried to explain what she was feeling. And it was not like she was able to explain any farther, with the nindroids coming in to attack.

What happened next would be something Pixal wishes she could save in her memories as low quality screenshots, rather than the high quality videos they were.

The ninja were sent to the digiverse. The Overlord almost defeats them. Wu tried to destroy the system. Her father was taken. The ninja were sent to space. The ninja came back.

But one moment she will keep in her memory files as clear as she could was Zane sacrificing himself.

He had grabbed onto the Overlord’s armor, and she knew that unless he let go of it, Zane would be dead. And he did not let go.

“Go, ninja, go!” Those were his final words. The words that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

For the first time ever, she had sobbed. Great, gulping tears that she could not stop, no matter how hard she tried. Because the one she was compatible with, the man she wished to be, was gone.

The funeral was locked under as many layers of security as Pixal could find. She never wanted to think of that again.

Pixal missed Zane.

~~~~~

When Zane made the decision to sacrifice himself, it was not entirely made out of pure selflessness.

Instead, he had done so partly because he wanted the constant ache in his soul to go away. He knew what would have happened if he did not let go of the overlord’s armour. He knew he would die.

Logically, he was aware of the fact that his family would miss him. If he had not made a backup of his consciousness on Borg’s computers, so he could rebuild himself from scratch after the deed was done, he might have hesitated.

But he did not need to hesitate. He would come back. Dying would not be a big deal because he would come back.

(One would say that one looks for what they can not have. Zane did not like to think of that quote. It hurt a bit too much, especially as time passed on.)

When he found himself existing only on Borg’s computers, he found himself overwhelmed with the choices he had for what his new body could look like. He decided that if he was going to rebuild his body, he would do it right.

While some might say he should have left his body just as it was, Zane could not help but wish that it was more like Pixal’s body.

It was odd to think this, he knew, because boys do not want to look like a girl, but he could not help but want to look like Pixal. So he took a look at the prototypes for her, and the designs for the evil nindroids, picking and choosing what he wanted.

The time he spent in the modelling app was…informative. It allowed Zane to design his body to what exactly felt right to have.

In the end, it ended up being softer, smaller in a way. Where his hair was ramrod straight in a way, he let it have a curlier nature to it, similar to Cole and Jay’s. His shoulders were no longer as pointed, nor were they as broad. His feet were a bit more narrow, with soft curves. His hands were long and elegant, like piano players were.

Zane wanted to be soft for once. Not cold or calculating. He was still a man, just…a bit more soft.

(A part of him wanted to be soft like a girl but that was preposterous. Zane was a man. That was what he was made to be.)

When he sensed Pixal in the mainframe, he did the only thing he could think of: call out to her and start the manufacturing process, even if everything was not perfect.

“We're all different, but I don't feel so different around you.” Those words rang out true in Zane’s chassis as he spoke them through the computer speakers. He did not feel like an outsider with Pixal, but rather felt a kinship with her, most likely because of their shared experience of being nindroids.

“You are vital to me.” Without Pixal’s designs, Zane would not have known what to do with his own rebuilding and remodelling. She also gave him hope that someone out there was like him. She was the one he looked at and went, “I want to be your friend, because you look friend shaped.”

He smiled when he saw Pixal had run into the factory, and asked, “Are we compatible now?” because that was what she had told him, and before he had doubted that because she had claimed he was out of date. But now not only was he going to be up to date, he was going to no longer ache as much.

But just as the machines started to build him up, Zane felt someone overtake the systems. He could feel someone add weapons to his body, add systems he did not want to have, take away the modifications he had made and put his old body frame back.

He tried to scream, but before he could make a sound, he felt himself shut off.

The last thing he saw was Pixal, screaming and fighting as hard as she could. But with half of Zane’s heart, she could not fight as well as she could with him.

~~~~~~~

Pixal did not like to dwell on the circumstances that had led to her being uploaded to a computer in a dingy dungeon, her dismantled body just in view. She was sure if she thought about it too hard, she would end up giving herself a virus or whatever the nindroid equivalent was for a human migraine.

But she could not deny the facts: A man that her systems told her was named Ronin, had dismantled her and took her to an island along with Zane, where he seemed to be dazed and confused. There were very few moments of awareness from him, and Pixal was very sure he had lost all of his memories.

She had heard his screams as a monster, Chen she heard was his name, took his elemental power. She was not even aware that Zane still possessed it, but he did, or at least Chen thought he did.

Pixal did not hate very easily, but she thinks she could make an exception for the monster that was Chen.

The guards had talked about using Zane as bait to make the ninja come to the island, in an attempt to also steal their elemental powers. For what, none knew but Pixal knew that the ninja would come to save Zane and none of them could have any idea of what Chen was doing.

The computer did not have any sort of clock, and there was no real sign of time changing aside from the guard shifts, but 21 guard shifts later, Zane started to whimper. Pixal called out to him, wondering what was going on and risking her existence to comfort Zane, who, if she could love anyone besides her creator, she would love Zane.

Zane had quietly whispered that it was just a dream. Pixal had always wondered what it was like to dream, but when she had remarked this aloud to Zane, he did not know who it was speaking.

If Pixal had a heart, mechanical or bloody, she would have sobbed. He did not remember who she was. Zane did not remember who his family was, or that he was the elemental master of ice.

But then he asked if Pixal and him were compatible, and Pixal could have sobbed, but instead she just replied, ”Yes, Zane. Yes, we are.”

Eventually, she managed to get through Zane’s head that he needed to free himself, and together, with her limited knowledge of what exactly Zane was doing, they started to work together to get Zane out.

Although, admittedly, she did not expect for Zane to have a saw now. She did not recall that as part of his original design, so it must be a new addition from when he rebuilt himself.

When he eventually got into Pixal’s cell, she wished she could take away his hurt. She knew how much it must have hurt to see her like this, as scrapped parts, only her hard drive functional. It hurt seeing herself like this, but she had made acceptance.

That is why she told Zane to go on without her. With her, Zane would be slowed down significantly. He would not reach his goal if he was focused on her. Logical dictated-

Or Zane could just…put her hard drive in his neural drive, and input her into his hard processor. That also worked. An ingenious move by him, but Pixal did not expect anything less from the one whose heart she also shared.

She had access to every system Zane had, and she had no doubt she could be of much help as she was pretty sure he had no clue what he was doing with it-

Something poked them in the back. A taser. The body was powered off.

~~~~~~~~~~

Zane had to admit, having Pixal in his head definitely took some adjusting. Not because it was an unpleasant change, but because he had never had to share a headspace with someone before. Although he doubted many others can say they have had to do the same, so he will cut himself some slack this time.

One upside to sharing a mind, however, was the fact that Pixal was incredibly helpful in helping him out with navigating his new body. If it was not for her, he would not have known that he even had explosive shurikens! Pixal really was amazing.

And she was much smarter than Zane, which he greatly appreciated. He usually listened to her ideas, because when he didn’t…

Well, he found himself on the ground of a cave.

“Perhaps I should have listened to you,” Zane groaned as he pushed himself up, trying to regain his bearings.

Pixal huffed. “Perhaps is an understatement.”

Zane would have responded with a snarky reply, but suddenly he sees the Titanium Dragon. The one from his nightmares. The one that had been his thoughts since he woke up.

Someone was talking to him. Pixal was talking to him, but Zane couldn’t hear her, instead feeling his breath quicken. It was going to eat his head, and he couldn’t stop it! No amount of ice made it go away. No amount of cold made it back off.

He didn’t want to die. He had died, and while he might not have regretted doing it in the moment, he had caused a rift in his family and made everyone upset with him. and he was still in the wrong body, and he isn’t Zane that died but a new one, a fake one.

“You used to have a dragon,” Pixal told him, but Znae didn’t remember that. He didn’t remember anything of his past. Nothing that happened to the old Zane affected him because he didn’t remember it. He was just a replica.

And Zane was so so so afraid. The original Zane would never be this scared.

Pixal was talking again. Zane had to focus so hard on what she was saying. “Close your eyes,” she commanded, and Zane didn’t understand why she asked him to do that but he did.

The ice dragon was so loud, even when Zane couldn’t see it. Pixal asked him what else could Zane hear, and all Zane could hear was his thoughts telling him that he isn’t the white ninja, because the white ninja never felt this out of place in his own skin, never wanted to rip it off, never wanted to be something completely different-

“Who are you then?” Pixal’s voice, calm despite the franticness Zane knew she was feeling, broke through his thoughts.

It took more effort than Zane wanted to admit, but he eventually was able to choke out, “I am…the titanium ninja.” That didn’t encompass everything he was now, but he could barely care about how accurate his words were when he heard the fierce roars stop.

The dragon wasn’t…the dragon was not real. Zane opened his eyes slowly, hopeful that the monster that haunted his nightmares was gone.

Instead of a fierce dragon, roaring and making something in Zane ache, there was a sleepy dragon, curled up and purring. He had a vague memory of a dragon in his past named Shard that this was very similar to.

Gently petting it, Zane whispered, “And you are not here.”

“Anxiety levels are going down,” Pixal announced, but there was still franticness in her. “But your elemental reactor levels are going up-”

Before Zane could hear the end of her sentence, Zane felt a cold feeling encompass him. Unlike when he died, however, this was like coming home. Like this was who he was meant to be.

When the feeling faded, Zane could form a dragon.

~~~~

Being in Zane’s brain took some getting used to. It was similar to being a computer, Pixal thought, only she couldn’t seamlessly take control of Zane at any given moment. Instead, she had to go around his coding if she wanted to do such a thing…

Not that she would ever do that without his permission, but Pixal would have liked to have that option available sometimes. Especially when Zane was being especially idiotic.

Something that Pixal enjoyed about being in Zane’s brain, however, was simply the sensation of being in Zane’s body. While Pixal may not have any control over it, she could sense everything that his body did. And she will admit, she found a particular sense of peace in Zane’s body.

It wasn’t how the others treated him, or how he had ice powers, or anything like that. No, she found peace in other ways, like in the sharpness in his jaw, or the way he had large hands or in his broad shoulders with a flat chest or his height.

The things that defined him as a man. The things that made one look at Zane and go, “yes that is a man.”

Pixal knew that there was nothing wrong with being a woman. She is one, for gods sake! She just…appreciates the things about Zane’s body that make him look like a man.

It is a persistent thought, but she ignores it most of the time. Pixal does not have time to deal with this, and besides she is more useful being an assistant to Zane in his head, and if she gets too caught in her thoughts, she can not be as helpful to Zane.

Another thing Pixal likes, though, is being able to talk to Zane as much as she wants to, within reason. She knows it is silly, and illogical, but talking to Zane is just so interesting. He sees the world the same way she does, quite literally, and they tend to have very fascinating conversations.

Their conversations can range from why they were created to how similar they are to large language models to why AdBlock restrictions are irritating.

One day, after Jay had suddenly declared a ban on saying “I wish,” Pixal and Zane had a conversation that was probably the most deep and most meaningful out of them all.

“If you could have three wishes granted, what would you wish for?” Zane asked as he cooked dinner.

“What do you mean? And you forgot the salt,” Pixal replied, trying to figure out if Zane had forgotten anything else. Her boyfriend was prone to doing such silly things like that.

Zane put the salt in. “Thank you, and what I meant is if you were given three wishes, but you couldn’t wish for love or more wishes, what would you wish for?”

Before Pixal could properly formulate a response, she was responding. “I would wish to look like you.”

The spoon in Zane’s hand clattered to the ground. “I beg your pardon?”

“Then beg,” Pixal quipped back, before pausing, contemplating what she should say.

Should she tell Zane the truth? Tell him the rightness she had felt in his body? Tell him how it felt so so so good to be in his body? How, while her old chassis didn’t feel wrong, it wasn’t right?

After running 21 “if-then” scenarios, Pixal concluded the best course of action would be for her to inform Zane of this after dinner. “I will discuss this with you after dinner, if you wish. But for now, please keep an eye on your cooking. You’re gonna over cook the rice.”

Hurrying to remedy the error, Zane whispered, “I will be talking with you about this. I wish to understand what you mean.”

And that was why Pixal loved Zane so much. While many others would have left it after the first sentence, Zane clarified his intent behind his actions, rather than letting anything linger. Pixal appreciated the good communication immensely.

During dinner, Pixal noticed Zane was quieter than usual, only talking about 7% of the time rather than the usual 39%, but none of the other ninja seemed to notice, too focused on making fun of Kai’s latest piece of fan mail for some reason Pixal was too distracted to figure out.

After 34 minutes, dinner was complete and the kitchen was cleaned, and the rest of the ninja went off in their own direction to relax after dinner. Except Zane and Pixal.

When Zane laid down in his bed, Pixal was tempted to shut him off, simply so this conversation would not happen now. But eventually it would, and delaying the inevitable was illogical.

“Pixal?”

“Yes Zane?”

“What do you mean when you said you wished to have my body? Was there something wrong with yours?”

Pixal loved Zane so much. Sometimes Pixal wondered if he ever had a thing called tact, with how bluntly he asked questions sometimes.

But a question he did ask, so a response he earned. “...there was nothing wrong with my old body.”

“Then why do you want my body?” Zane’s voice was glitching, the numerous logical scenarios he was running overwhelming his systems. Pixal hated when he did that, since it made it so his systems run slower, making her slower. But this time was one where an exception could be made.

It took Pixal a while to figure out what exactly was the correct thing to say here, but Zane was patient, as always. Even when he was dying to know the answer to his question.

“...I suppose the easiest way to put it is that it feels…right to be in your body. Not to say that mine is bad but…” Pixal couldn’t explain more. There was more she could say, but there were no words she could find to explain.

Thankfully, Zane did not push. “I understand. I…If I were to make a body for you, would you like it to be based on my current design?”

“Yes.” Pixal had never been so sure of anything in her (his) entire life before. “I would like that a lot.”

Zane hummed in thought. “Thank you for informing me. Now, I believe it is time for us to rest, don’t you?”

As much as Pixal wanted to protest, to keep talking to Zane, the need for a cache cleaning was becoming too much to ignore. The numerous scenarios Pixal had performed made her (his) system laggy, and Zane was surely in a similar state.

So together the two nindroids powered off for the night, not thinking much of the conversation that had just occurred.

—-----------

Over the next few weeks, Pixal couldn’t get that conversation out of her (his) head. It was like a bug had infested her programming, preventing her from doing anything productive because all she could think about was this stupid bug.

Because no matter what she tried, she could not get the idea of Pixal being a man out of her mind. She knew it was ridiculous, that Cyrus Borg designed a daughter, that Pixal was Zane’s girlfriend, but…

The idea of having a male body, of being referred to as mister and sir? All the things that people associated with masculinity being associated with Pixal?

Something in Pixal wanted that. So Pixal did research. A lot of research.

And…Pixal realized that others felt this way. Guys who were trapped in a girl's body. Woman in a man’s body. And so, so so many more.

Pixal was a boy. And he didn’t want his old body back.

It was hard to not tell Zane all of this, all of what Pixal had discovered. But Pixal had run 42 “if-then” scenarios, and if Zane did not take this well, the chances of Pixal being left on her own devices, inside a computer, so he would not change so drastically, were too high for him to risk.

So he kept quiet about what he had discovered, and his desires for a body of his own. The conversation was deleted from Zane’s memory drives, so he did not ask anything more about it from Pixal. And Pixal tried to keep his desires hidden, ignoring them as much as he could.

He was more useful in Zane, anyway. THis was for the best.

Until one day, he was not.

—-----

Not being able to inform Nya that she needed to realign Zane’s neural inputs, not give him a new binary power core, made Pixal feel…useless. Sure, he could figure out what was wrong with Zane, but not being able to communicate it with anyone besides Zane was frustrating. He often had what he thought were excellent ideas, but unless Zane deigned to inform the others about them, or follow through with them, no one knew about them. And if no one knew his ideas, then Pixal was as good as useless to the ninja.

There was only one true solution to this predicament: Pixal must build himself a brand new body, one with better combat experience than his old one, so he can be as useful to the ninja as possible.

And if it gave Pixal the chance to have a body that was right, according to the image he had created in his processor? Well…that was Pixal’s secret to keep.

Hacking into Cyrus’s computers was simple. Startlingly so. Pixal made a note to inform Cyrus of this after he had completed what needed to be done.

It was honestly so simple to rebuild his body. Pixal had spent hours fantasizing about creating a body that was exactly to his liking, with combat capabilities and a masculine appearing figure based on Zane’s design. All Pixal had to do was recreate the image in the modeling program, and hit the start button on the machines to initiate the building process.

Uploading his hard drive info was a bit more challenging, due to him falling behind on uploading it to the cloud network that Borg utilized for all projects, but eventually Pixal managed to upload all necessary data to a spare hard drive. He triple checked that he had all memories on it, for he did not want to end up like Zane, with memories that he didn’t remember, only heard about.

When all was complete, it was time to disconnect himself from Zane’s systems. It was both somehow terrifying, bizarre and freeing all at once. No longer did Pixal have the sound of Zane’s thoughts in the back of his mind, able to be tuned into if Pixal truly wished to. No longer did Pixal have knowledge of everything Zane did or could do at his fingertips. No longer did Pixal feel stuck in a body that was not his in any way.

Instead, Pixal could insert his hard drive into his new chassis, and reboot himself. The process was rather slow, taking 4 minutes and 32 seconds, as to be expected for a hard drive that had large amounts of data on it that had to be preserved, and for a brand new chassis that needed to have all systems a-go.

But then, the moment he had been waiting for so long finally happened.

Pixal opened up his eyes, and took in the assembly room properly, not through a camera or Zane’s eyes, but his own. He flexed his fingers, strong and big, perfect for attacking others or inventing things. He flipped his hair, still long like in his old design for he didn’t want to look too similar to Zane. It was styled differently, now with most of it hanging down with only a few layers pulled back to keep them out of his face. He ran his hands over his armor, glad that the printing and the materials came out just as he had designed.

The nindroid just sat there, admiring his new body. It was sleek, elegant, and cool. And it was right. Every detail Pixal had designed felt right. There was no odd feeling anymore, like something was off. There was no need to tear off his plating because surely something must be wrong for it to feel this bad.

As Pixal sat there, an ugly thought arose in his head: What would Zane think?

Would he be thrilled? Glad that his once-girlfriend found peace in his body? Or would Zane be enraged? Upset that Pixal did such a thing behind his back, and wanted to be a fighter?

Even though Pixal’s heart wanted it to be the former, the logical scenarios he was running pointed towards the latter as the most likely scenario.

Zane would be furious if he heard what Pixal did. That was what would happen if he found out.

So Pixal simply just had to ensure he didn’t find out. Only how…

Suddenly an idea came to him, that was so stupid it might just work! Be Samurai X!

It worked for Nya, from what Pixal could gleam from Zane’s memories! It would surely work for Pixal as well, right?

With that plan in mind, Pixal made his way to the Samurai X cave, which hadn’t changed locations since the last time Zane went there, when he needed a few upgrades.

Putting on the Samurai X armour, Pixal felt like this plan would work out hopefully. Zane would get over him not being in his head. And when the idea of Zane rejecting Pixal was easier to swallow, Pixal would tell him.

~~~~~~

It has been over a year without Pixal, and Master Wu. A very long year.

Zane wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing with himself, if he was to be completely honest. He knew, logically, he was helping, running all the algorithms and making sure that the others had the supplies they needed.

But a part of him was missing. Pixal had been in his head for so long, ever since he came back in a body that every day felt more and more distant from his mental image of him, and her suddenly not being in it…

Something in Zane was broken. Not physically (he checked), nor was his software broken, but something in his heart was broken. He could barely function at first, when he realized Pixal was gone for good. Zane was able to run the systems she did, was able to do everything she could himself, but it felt wrong.

Pixal and him were a team.

Why did that have to change?

It was so hard to muster up the energy to continue on at first, but it slowly became easier to get through the days without feeling like the world was drowning Zane. The feeling of grief was not one Zane was unfamiliar with. He had experienced it with his father.

Back then, he had already mourned his father once, and he had the rest of his family all around him, and he had his students to worry about. Now, he was missing the man who had been like a father when his own could not be one, and the others did not understand the impact of Pixal’s passing like he did, having assumed for a long time that she had always been gone in a way, because they couldn’t interact with her like he did.

Anger filled Zane at the idea of him being the only one mourning Pixal, but Zane could not allow it to consume himself. If he did, then it just made all of Zane’s own flaws much more obvious, and he could barely think about himself without blue screening (literally).

The only thing that seemed to help was Jay’s idea to give Zane a hologram projector, so he could change his appearance. While Zane did not require such a thing, he did see the benefits to having it. He could assume a human appearance, and he could disguise himself as other nindroids.

Other nindroids such as Pixal…

It was wrong for him to do so. He knew it was wrong. But one night, when he was camping out in a cave, on his way to a temple that might have some answer as to where Wu was, he activated the hologram program and turned on his selfie camera on his phone.

Pixal’s face stared back at him. It was just as Zane remembered, bright white with purple circuits, and a long silver ponytail. Her dark purple tunic was draped across his chest, also a brilliant white. Looking at the face, Pixal’s green eyes stared back.

A sense of euphoria bloomed in Zane’s heart. It wasn’t him, no, but for some reason, in a hologram of his dead girlfriend, Zane felt like he was looking right for the first time in a long time.

He brought up a hand to run through his hair, but the hand just went through the ponytail. The holographic ponytail.

The illusion was dropped almost immediately after that. A sense of shame flooded Zane. What was he thinking? Why did he think that would fix anything?

He would never be Pixal. He was Zane, the master of Ice. A wonderful man, one that most would be glad to call a friend.

Zane didn’t sleep well that night, or for many nights after. The feeling of delight he had felt looking like Pixal haunted his dreams and memories for days, weeks, with no end in sight.

~~~~~~~~~~

That day, Zane and Nya were doing a routine check up on the Bounty’s computer system. The others had noticed a slow down in the system, requiring Nya and Zane to go through and figure out what issue had arisen exactly.

“It doesn’t seem that anyone downloaded any suspect files…” Nya muttered, pulling up yet another antivirus program. “Are there any background programs running that we didn’t check yet?”

“There doesn’t seem to be…” Zane sighed, before frowning at a programs’ name. SXCOMPXB “Nya, do you recognize this?”

Nya leant over, and shook her head. “Never seen it. Maybe that’s what has been slowing this down? Open it.”

Nodding, Zane opened the suspicious file. Was that against what every single technician recommended for internet security? Yes, but when did the ninja listen to common sense?

Never. Even when it was to their detriment, Zane suspected that they would rather burn along with the world than actually listen to advice from anyone besides Sensei-

Shaking his head before his mind could continue on that train of thought. Zane opened the file.

His processor froze when it finally opened. Pixal’s face was staring back at him, just like it was when she was in his head.

“Pixal…” Zane whispered, reverently. He didn’t expect a response. It would be foolish for him to. That didn't mean he did not wish for one, however.

And to his great shock, a voice that was not Nya’s responded. It was Pixal’s. “Z-Zane,” she whispered, a smile forming on her face. “I-I didn’t expect-”

Nya came closer to Zane, staring up at the screen with a scrutinizing glare. “What are you doing? I thought you were lost.”

Pixal blinked before shaking her head. “No, I…I must have uploaded my consciousness onto a computer and the Bounty’s computers must have found them and copied them onto its systems.”

It sounded bizarre but…Zane had heard odder. And besides, the logistics didn’t matter to Zane as much as the fact that Pixal was here again. That he could hear her voice. See her face.

After much talking, Nya, Zane and Pixal came to the conclusion Pixal would stay in the Bounty’s computer, and would be an ally to the ninja. Zane was overjoyed.

He would never require her assistance, but if she wanted to help, he would support her choices. And besides, now he knew she wanted to stay.

“I am glad you are back, Pixal,” he hummed.

Pixal had a smile on her face, but it seemed…off. But it might just be the graphics looking different on the Bounty’s computer screen than in Zane’s HUD. “I am glad to see you too.”

~~~~~~~~

There was honestly no intention on Pixal’s end to come out to Zane as a man. He had his doubts before, but connecting to the Bounty’s systems, and seeing Zane’s face light up at the idea of Pixal as an assistant….

Znae would never accept him. Would never see Pixal as a man.

So Pixal was content enough to stay hidden away, spending more and more time as Samurai X, protecting those who could not protect themselves.

But then his system got hacked. A foreign entity was introduced to it via Zane and….

Pixal felt so helpless, being unable to fight back against the intruder that was inside of him. Felt violated, like someone had exposed everything about Pixal to someone he had never even met before. Had never even heard of before.

All Pixal could do was connect to the Samurai X mech and start flying it towards the bounty, and in doing so, that made everything fall apart around her.

“Samurai X is approaching,” Pixal announced, dread filling up.

Cole nodded. “He must be here to help us!”

If Pixal could swallow, he would out of sheer anxiety. “I am afraid that is unlikely.”

“What? Why?”

“Because my system is overrun.”

Kai hit the table. “You’re making no sense, Pixal. What are you talking about?”

“This would be a good time to make a minor confession.” Pixal glitched, but he hopes his confession got through.

“I am Samurai X.”

There was pandemonium for only a few moments, before all of a sudden, Pixal was unable to control the Samurai X mech. Instead, he was fighting against his friends, and he could do nothing.

It hurt, hearing his friends cry out that Pixal was betraying them, and to hear them call him “she.” There was no time to dwell on that, however. Pixal had to reboot the system to purge the foreign agent before he caused serious damage.

But Pixal was not successful. The reboot was too late. The sword still hit the thruster.

Despite the ninja’s many efforts, they still crash landed. It might have been less damaged than if Nya had not attempted to control the rain, but Pixal didn’t need to be connected to the computer to know that the ship was badly damaged.

As everyone caught their breaths, Pixal made a split second decision. He pulled on his helmet, revealing his new facial features to the ninja for the first time.

“Zane,” he called out, his voice low like it never was when he was in the computer.

Zane turned around in an instant, staring. “Pixal? Is that actually?”

Nodding, Pixal forced himself to keep his eyes locked with Zane’s as Zane came closer. “It is me, Pixal, yes.”

A cold hand grabbed his arm. “What…why do you look different?” he whispered, looking at Pixal, voice glitching from something besides damage.

Before Pixal could respond, Kai yelled, “What about Lloyd and Harumi?”

The ninja and Pixal all froze. The two youngest were still missing. No one knew if they were even still alive.

Zane and Pixal locked eyes and nodded, coming to the same conclusion. There would be time for explanations from Pixal later.

Now was the time for searching.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zane wasn’t sure what to do about the fact that Pixal wasn’t dead apparently, and had rebuilt a body without informing Zane at all.

On one hand, he was happy! He had missed Pixal desperately, and it was nice to have her back!

On the other hand, it was odd to see Pixal so different. Her voice was much lower now, and her body was designed in a way that reminded Zane of his own, or the nindroids from so long ago that worked with the Overlord.

Perhaps she had simply uploaded her consciousness to one of the remaining chassis that were not used for security bots? That would explain the more masculine appearance and voice, even if it didn’t account for the hair.

But those thoughts were pushed to the side, as the two had to first search the surrounding areas of the Bounty for Lloyd and Harumi. Nothing came up, but Pixal was hesitant to allow the others to wander far in the dense jungle, at least without comlinks.

The ninja then had to try to repair the thruster, but it was clear that would be a lengthy endeavor, even if Jay’s reactions were humorous…or maybe Zane’s funny switch was on too high again.

Seeing Pixal’s body relax at the sight of the Samurai X’s mech made the tightness in Zane’s chest relax a bit. Pixal was going to be fine, hopefully.

Hearing that Lloyd and Harumi were alive was an even bigger relief.

The two pieces of good news made the others much more motivated to work on the thrusters, and with Nya there to turn the thrusters on and off, Zane and Pixal could go work on the computer.

Unfortunately, there was not much success with that. No matter what they tried, the computer would not turn on.

“Try now.”

“No.”

“And now.”

“No.”

Pixal’s voice was tinged with frustration, her responses clipped, making Zane frown. “I detect frustration from you, yet that emotion is not needed for this task. Is something wrong?” he asked, hoping to not set Pixal off even more.

Pixal sputtered. “No!” She then looked away, crossing her arms. “Yes!” Eventually, she turned to look back at Zane. “Zane, may I ask you something?”

Zane’s response was automatic, if inaccurate. “You have half my heart. You can ask me anything.” Technically, Pixal did not have his heart, if the hazy memories of Chen’s island were anything to go by, but Zane hoped she figured the sentiment nonetheless.

Pixal gripped the controls to the computer. “Are you upset with me for building a new body?”

“What-No! Pixal, where did you get that idea-”

“You seem upset when you look at me. Was I that much more useful in the computer?” Pixal questioned, desperation evident in her voice.

Zane walked around the computer and grabbed her arm, forcing Pixal to face him. “I…I did not expect you to reuse an old chassis, that is true, but I would never force you to be something that you do not want to be. You did not like being in my head, right?”

“I did not, you are right.” Pixal tilted her head. “What do you mean by an old chassis? I designed this myself.”

Now it was Zane’s turn to be confused. “Well, I know your old body was destroyed, and if you had rebuilt it, I would assume it would be just like your old one, so surely this is just an old-”

“I designed this body to be what I want it to be.”

If Zane could breathe, the wind would have been knocked out of him. “What do you mean?”

Pixal hummed. “I feel…better in this body. I did not like being in my old body, and being in your head…the main reason I tolerated it for so long was because it felt right in a way mine never had. And when I saw an opportunity to create my own…I designed it after yours.”

All of a sudden, a memory that had been deleted resurfaced. Zane and Pixal talking about what would Pixal wish for if Pixal could wish for anything. Pixal saying that Pixal would wish for Zane’s body.

“...I suppose the easiest way to put it is that it feels…right to be in your body. Not to say that mine is bad but…”

“Zane?”

Zane jerked out of his thoughts, and stared at Pixal, realization growing. “Your new body…does it feel right?”

Pixal nodded. “It does. It feels so right.”

“Then I am happy for you.” Zane tucked a piece of synthetic hair behind Pixal’s ear. “Anything else you wish to tell me?” he asked, half joking.

Pixal bit her lip but nodded. “I…You do not have a girlfriend anymore, but rather a boyfriend.”

Zane blinked. “What do you mean?”

“The reason this body feels so much more right is because…I am a man.” Pixal’s voice was quiet, but her words left no room for argument.

Smiling, Zane hugged Pixal as tightly as he could, tighter than he would for any human. “Well, I am glad that I still have a boyfriend. I was worried you were breaking up with me for a second.”

Pixal snorted, pushing away. “Well, you might not have one if we don’t figure out what is wrong with this computer.”

Nodding, Zane went back to his place on the other side, pulling on different wires. “Now?”

“Still no.”

Sighing, Zane went back to trying to figure out what was wrong. He ignored the funny feeling in his heart.

He didn’t want to change like Pixal. He couldn’t.

~~~~~~~

Pixal couldn’t believe how everything changed so fast.

It sometimes felt like just the day before he was still stuck in Zane’s head, stuck as his girlfriend.

But then he was out of Zane’s mind, by his own violation, and he was fighting as Samurai X. He helped the ninja take down the Sons of Garmadon, had fought with the Resistance, and even faced the terrifying Oni.

Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that Pixal had checked five times, he would have assumed his memory banks were damaged somehow, if only for how absurd everything seemed.

(Sometimes, he wished he could, if only to erase some of the reactions he had received after telling people the truth about his identity. Most of them were positive but a few made Pixal shiver from something besides the cold.)

Ninjago seemed at peace for once. No major crimes were being committed, and the ninja were rarely called out by the police to help with arrests.

But then came Aspheera.

Honestly, if Pixal could have, he would have never allowed the ninja to go on such a foolish quest. They should have realized that would end up in disaster.

However, the ninja were so desperate for something to do and it was supposed to be a simple sort of adventure. Not one that ended up with a Serpentine being released from a prison with a vendetta against Wu.

Pixal wished that it just ended with the city destroyed. Wishes rarely came true.

They thought Zane had died. Thought he was gone for good this time. No consciousness was left behind for them to rebuild a body. Not even a wire was left for them to remember him by.

Zane was just…gone.

Or so they thought.

As they quickly learned, Zane was not dead. He was just…in a realm that was so dangerous the First Spinjitzu Master was afraid of it.

No big deal. (That was sarcastic. It was a very big deal.)

Pixal sometimes wished he had gone with the ninja to the Never-Realm. However, he knew that it was probably for the best of Ninjago that he did not go. The multiple crimes he had to stop as Samurai X proved that leaving the realm undefended except by Wu would have been a bad idea.

But it was…startling to see Zane so off. He still smiled and sat with him to do their routine repairs, but there was a distance between them now. A distance formed by the sixty years he spent alone in a realm of ice and cold, as the cruel ruler who forced the subjects into an endless winter.

There were many changes to Zane now, caused by that experience.

Zane would wake up with horrific nightmares, and Pixal would spend hours trying to soothe him, often until the sun had risen.

Ice formed around his feet, either gentle swirls when he was happy or jagged edges when he was furious.

He could barely stand any sort of heat, and would snap at Kai whenever he sparked up even a little bit.

Instead of using his trusty bow and arrows, Zane had switched to a staff. The way he fought with it was both mesmerizing to watch and terrifying to be at the other end of.

Even the ninja seemed distrustful of Zane, referring to Zane as just a teammate and not as their brother, and treating him like he would break at any moment.

There was a desperate hope in Pixal that things weren’t as dire as they seemed. That things had not changed so much that they were not compatible anymore.

He had both dreaded and was relieved when it came to a routine file cleaning. Him and Zane had made it a monthly date night of sorts, sitting in the workshop and going through the memories they had stored for those that they had deemed significant. The ones that would just come back if they hid them for forever.

(They had both learnt that lesson the hard way with the Overlord Virus that had almost destroyed Zane, formed by Zane blocking out the memory of his death so deep inside of him.)

But neither of them were looking forward to this date night. Tonight, Zane and Pixal would have to go through over 60 years of memories of a real life horror show, to determine what atrocities must be retained and what Zane could get rid of.

Zane was nervous when they hooked him up, leaning back in the squishy office chair as per usual. Pixal gave him a smile, and held his hand. “It will feel so much better when you get rid of those memories. I promise.”

Swallowing, Zane nodded. “I hope you are correct.”

“Shall we get started then?”

“Okay.” The response was not loud or enthusiastic, but it was consent from Zane for Pixal to dig through the memories of the Never-Realm.

If Pixal was human, his hands would be trembling from nerves. As it was, his hands were steady as he tapped on the keys, opening the software to examine the memories.

The first memory he booted up was one of Zane with a mech, in a cave. A man was there as well.

“That is Vex,” Zane whispered, clenching his fists.

Nodding, Pixal turned back to the memory showing, hoping a clinical approach would make this much easier.

“Oh, such a pity. You truly have forgotten. You're unwell, my Lord, but do not fear. I will take care of you. It is my sworn duty.” Something about Vex’s words made Pixal want to throw something, but he refrained. Calmness would make this much less painful.

“Your duty?”

“You are the Ice Emperor, the ruler of this realm.”

“I am?”

“Of course. Why look.” Vex handed the Scroll Of Forbidden Spinjitzu to Zane. “Here is your scepter.”

Zane looked at the scroll, before turning to Vex with a frown. “But I am not a man.”

Pixal blinked at the revelation, wondering what Zane could have meant. He turned to Zane to ask, but before he could, Vex was speaking again.

“What do you mean, My Emperor?”

Levelling Vex with an unimpressed look, Zane toyed with the staff. “I am not a man. I am…a woman. And thus I am the Ice Empress, Vex.”

The screen was turned off suddenly, and a sob came from behind Pixal. Pixal whipped around, coming face to face with Zane sobbing quietly, ice forming around him. Her?

Footsteps quiet, Pixal approached Zane and cupped Zane’s cheek. “Zane? What is wrong?”

All he got for a response was incoherent sobbing, so Pixal decided to just climb onto Zane’s lap and hug Zane until Zane felt better.

After eleven minutes and forty three seconds, Zane finally choked out,“I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

Sniffling, Zane squeezed his eyes shut. “F-for lying. I-I know I should have told you I pretended to be a woman in the Never-Realm, but I was scared.” Zane’s voice was glitching, presumably from how upset Zane was.

Well, that would simply not do. Pixal cupped Zane’s chin, forcing Zane to look up at him, in the eye. “What were you scared of?”

“That you would leave,” Zane whispered.

Pixal softened and hugged Zane again. “Well, that was illogical. Why would you being a woman make me leave?”

Wrong thing to say. Zane tensed up in his arms. “I do not want to be a woman.”

“So that whole-”

“I do not…” Zane took a deep breath. “I do not understand fully why I did what I did but…I do not want there to be even more changes. The others…they just assume my memory was so damaged I did not realize I was a man, or that Vex made me pretend I was a woman for reasons unknown.”

Rubbing his thumb over Zane’s cheek, wiping away tears, Pixal hummed in thought. He was pretty sure Zane did want to be a woman but…

Pixal remembered how hard it was to fully accept himself as a man. How he had battled it out in his head for months. While he could simply…force Zane to accept herself, it would most likely do more harm than good.

So instead, Pixal just petted Zane’s head. “If you wish, we do not have to f-”

“I want to finish.” Zane sighed. “I have a feeling if I do not tonight, I will end up deleting everything and hurting myself.”

Nodding, Pixal scooted off Zane’s lap and booted up the computer once again. “Okay.”

That night, after watching decades of loneliness and violence and destruction, Pixal slipped into Zane’s bed and laid with her throughout the night, soothing her after the inevitable nightmare.

The experience was bad but it did bring one good thing.

Zane, for some reason, started to be okay with heat and fire again. Kai was overjoyed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Showing Pixal the memories of the Never-Realm was…bad. Zane was sure there were better words to describe it, but she did not want to think of them.

Another thing she did not like thinking of? The fact that the way she figured out what that weird feeling she had been plagued for the entirety of her existence was by becoming a genocidal empress.

Of course, Zane was not going to tell anyone that she was a woman. It was too risky, and besides the others were already wary enough of her as it was after the Never-Realm.

So Zane kept it hidden, never revealing anything to anyone. Not even Pixal, her beloved boyfriend. But in secret…

It was a dirty little secret, in a way. One that Zane tried so hard to keep concealed.

Late nights became research time, where Zane delved into the intricacies of the transgender experience, reading story after story of other women who felt like she did, and were accepted.

Upon learning that some transgender people burnt things that reminded them of their past negatively, Zane gathered anything that made her think of dark and sad memories of her past and set them all to fire.

It should have terrified her, the flames growing larger than her. But she just watched with a small smile at the past going up in flames.

If anyone were to ask, she was just getting rid of some old junk. Not that anyone did ask, but if they did, she would say that. All anyone did was show surprise that she was okay with fire once again, after being so vehemently against it.

Zane might have been able to get away with this secret, but then came Prime Empire.

It shouldn’t have caused anything major to happen. Just another villain trying to take over Ninjago, albeit in an unique way this time, trapping people outside of Ninjago rather than destroying the city.

But then came the detective costume and all the performing that went with it. Zane would admit afterwards that was not as effective as she had hoped, but in the moment?

The act of performing was freeing in a way. It reminded Zane of the anecdotes she had read of drag queens, who found peace in the art.

As the detective, Zane wasn’t just Zane, the ninja. She was a private investigator, looking for clues about Unagami. She was something besides herself.

It was, dare she admit it, fun.

But then the mechanic came and captured her. Captured Zane to use as an energy source to free Unagami from the game.

The pain was blinding. It was one memory Zane wished she could delete from her memory drives, if only because of how much it hurt. The electricity coursing through her circuits was higher than she had ever had felt before, and Zane wasn’t sure how Jay could ever manage to deal with this.

She thought she would die before anyone could rescue her.

When Unagami was released, all Zane could feel was exhaustion. She was exhausted.

But that experience opened her eyes to how easily she could die. How easily she could have another funeral, and no one would know she was actually the daughter of Dr. Julien, and Pixal’s girlfriend and the ninja’s beloved sister.

In the dead of the night, a few weeks later, Zane, for once, made an impulsive choice. She broke into Borg Industries, and fired up the machines needed to build a new chassis.

The design was hastily made, taken from Pixal’s original design with a few minor changes. The main difference was the hair. Where Pixal had a long ponytail, Zane had two braids, one on each side of her head.

But aside from that, Zane was the splitting image of Pixal when she first met him, just in a ninja gi.

Not long after Zane had transferred her consciousness to the new chassis, the door to the factory was slammed open.

Standing there were her family, and Pixal, looking around for a threat. The ninja looked around, confused.

“Are you sure that there are bad guys with Zane here?” Jay whispered.

“Well where else would Zane be? And you heard the report, there was activity in here!” Kai hissed back.

Zane quickly realized what was going on. They did not realize it was her who was using the machines, and thought villains had taken her to the factory for…something.

Clapping her hands, the lights turned on, and the ninja all turned towards Zane. Shock colored their expressions.

Pixal was the first to regain his composure. “Zane? Is that-”

“It is me.” Zane’s voice was quiet, but it felt like she was screaming in the silence.

Metal clanked against metal as Pixal made his way to Zane, cupping her cheek. “You look beautiful,” he whispered.

“And you look handsome,” Zane whispered back, hugging Pixal.

“Will someone explain-”

Cole cut Jay off. “Looks like we have another sister, Zaptrap. Nice to see you’re not captured Zane!”

“I am glad to not be captured as well,” Zane chuckled, letting go of Pixal to look at her family.

Lloyd smiled. “Yeah, I am too. But…a little warning next time?”

“Yeah,” Nya snorted. “We thought that the Mechanic got you or something.”

Smiling sheepishly, Zane nodded. “Alright. I will remember that.”

Kai yawned. “I don’t know about you guys, but I want to go back to bed. Can we all agree that Zane’s amazing and go back home?”

Laughing, Zane nodded. “Of course. I did not mean to worry.”

“You never do.” Pixal slipped his hand into Zane’s. “My very silly girlfriend.”

“My lovely boyfriend.”

Pixal’s eyes glowed with happiness as they followed the rest of the ninja, who were eager to go back to bed.

For the first time in her life, there was no hole in Zane’s heart, a desire she could not fulfill.

Together, Zane and Pixal walked out of the factory, for once at peace entirely.

[itsukismoon]

I Vow to You, the Shape of My Love - Moon route chapter 3 (Cyrus)

>> choices recap

The wedding hall we entered was decorated with pure white flowers and ribbons, just like a real wedding venue.

Perhaps due to the lateness of the night, but there was no one else except for us.

Emma: I wonder if they put up all these decorations on purpose…?

Cyrus: Well, there’s not a lot of entertainment in Alstria.

Cyrus: So maybe they just wanted to celebrate the happy occasion.

Emma: It’s a wonderful thing that the people ruling the country are so loved.

Cyrus: Yes. And that is also the result of the royal family putting the people first.

Cyrus: Now then… let’s make a vow.

Cyrus-san led me by the hand as we walked across the carpet.

Emma: (It feels like a real wedding, I’m starting to feel a little nervous…)

When we reached the pulpit and I stood to face him, I didn’t know what to do.

Emma: Sorry, Cyrus-san.

Emma: I invited you on a whim, but I have no idea what to promise.

Cyrus: Ahah, is that so. I feel the same.

Emma: Thankfully we didn’t come at a crowded time.

Instead of scolding me, Cyrus-san just laughed, and I felt my nervousness dissipate just like that.

Emma: No one’s waiting, so let’s take our time to think about it slowly.

Cyrus: Let’s see… how about we look back on what’s happened so far?

Cyrus: That way, maybe, something you want to swear will come to your mind.

Emma: That’s a good idea, let’s try it.

Emma: —When we first met, you were a lot quieter than you are now.

Cyrus: I’m not good with words, and I don’t really talk much in the first place.

Cyrus: Although we both failed to grasp the distance between us… (?)

Cyrus: By the time I finished my mission of security guard, I already considered you as a “reassuring companion”.

Emma: Hehe, hearing you call me that made me really happy, you know.

Emma: Then… we preached about the “Day of love” together. Looking up date spots was really fun. (TN: Love Wrapped in Ribbons of Gratitude event)

Cyrus: …Back then, the day was saved because of you. If it was just me and Emilio, we would have been at a total loss.

Cyrus: I still treasure the ribbon I received at that time.

Emma: I also treasure it as well. I’ve turned its rose into a dried flower.

Cyrus: Huh… that makes me happy.

Cyrus: Thinking back, I was probably already attracted to you back then.

Cyrus: Although it took me a long time to express my feelings…

Emma: As for me, I finally realised my feelings when I met you in Kaiten. (TN: Onsen Village Overflowing With Love event)

Emma: But I didn’t have the courage to confess yet…

Cyrus: Let us be grateful to the Kaiten hot baths for bringing us closer.

Emma: Thanks to the effects of the hot springs, we were able to be honest with each other.

Our bond was strengthened by the harsh task of defending the fortress (TN: they’re referencing past card stories). Through the “Trial of Love”, we were able to nurture our love for each other.

As I reminiscence, my heart fills with all the emotions I’ve felt up until now.

Emma: Since we first met, up until now… you’ve always been so kind to me.

Emma: That is what I… truly love about you.

Cyrus: Emma…

As he gently stroked my cheek, I closed my eyes and our lips pressed together.

Cyrus: —Kissing like this makes it feel like a real wedding.

Emma: Fufu, that’s true.

We slightly parted our lips and looked at each other, our noses almost touching.

Cyrus: …I still am misunderstood by others quite a lot, and I’m not good with words.

Cyrus: But still, every time you say “I love you”, my heart trembles with joy.

Cyrus: I’m the one who loves you more and more every day…

Cyrus: To be honest, sometimes I struggle to control these feelings.

As if to convey his “feelings” for me, he pressed his lips against mine once more. He lightly pecked my lips again, and again, and again.

His gesture was so endearing it made my heart ache sweetly.

Emma: …I’m certain that’s the same for me.

Emma: From here onwards… I will surely love you more and more each day.

Emma: If every day we spend each other is going to be like this then surely one day… I want to promise you my future, in front of everyone.

Once I confessed my heartfelt wish, another kiss was dropped on my lips.

Cyrus: …in sickness and in health, for riches and for poor.

Cyrus: I vow to love, respect and cherish you, Emma.

Emma: (Cyrus-san…)

While I dreamt of that “someday” coming, I too spoke my vows.

[icwasher]

Camp Tolkien Day Seven:

Prompt: Share a letter written by a character from your project. If you want to make it a postcard, include a picture that relates to some element of your story.

Since the entirety of Ochira is written as a letter, and since my thoughts about The Sun King have recently been reawakened, I figured I would share this very old set of letters written between my characters Maya and Cyrus. Keep in mind that these are from a year ago.

Dear Maya, I am glad to hear that you are enjoying your stay in Aziz. I envy the time you must have to yourselves. My work has only increased since you left, though it is true that council meetings are much shorter than they were before. That will be one thing I will miss when you return.  I am pleased that the Prime Minister is impressed. The more enamored he is with me, the less likely he is to side with the rebels. It would be catastrophic if the rebels had access to his scientists.  It does not surprise me that my father never made such attempts. He was not interested in peaceful gatherings. Once he conquered a kingdom, it was as if it no longer existed, at least until tax season. Ruling differently angered the people at first, but I think they’ve grown used to it by now. Darius and Mehr are engaged. He proposed to her two nights ago. The wedding is scheduled for the week after you return. Mehr told me to ask you if you would want to be one of her bridesmaids, and if so, would prefer a red or a blue gown? She and I made bets, but I won’t tell you which option I bet on, since that might sway your decision.  I was also told (this time by Savant) that the rebels have moved their base from Lin Jer to Perez. We have yet to discover exactly where, but we think it’s because the Jereni are supporting Caspar as the next King of Kasra, and the rebels favor Antin. It is difficult to decide which side to focus my attention on, but so far the pending war with the Jereni seems more important.  Has the Prime Minister said anything about the rebellion or his take on it?  Sincerely,  Cyrus

Dear Cyrus,  The Prime Minister has disclosed no information regarding the rebellion. It’s infuriating, really. Every time we bring it up, he changes the subject. It makes me suspicious of him, but at the same time, I can’t help but feel that his views on other issues make him veer towards the side of anti-rebellion.  Please tell Mehr I’m very excited for her and Darius, that I will absolutely be her bridesmaid, and that I would prefer the red dress.  I agree that the rebels probably moved because of the Jereni’s support of Cas. There’s no other possible explanation, other than the fact that Perez is a very prosperous country. They could have been running low on supplies, but with the amount of wealth Lin Jer possesses, I doubt that. I recently picked up a book by the Aziz philosopher, Itzcali. The Prime Minister recommended it after he saw me reading Konstantin. He has interesting views, and I was wondering if you have heard of him. I assume you have, given the wealth of books available to you, but I found his work interesting, and I wanted to know if you felt the same. Sincerely, Maya

Dear Maya, Ah, Itzcali. It was only a matter of time before your scholarly pursuits drove you to his teachings. I have read his book. He had a fleeting career and only wrote one, but it had a lasting impact on the world. I researched him once for a project. He is quite a controversial figure; his teachings on free will and life are especially ill-received.  I find them fascinating myself, though I’ve never delved far enough into his work to take a stance either way. There haven’t been many opportunities for debate in my life. My brothers weren’t really the epitome of scholarly men, and the only mental equal I truly have is Darius.  Is the Prime Minister interested in philosophy? If so, try to get him to speak about his philosophical beliefs on acts the rebellion has taken. You don’t necessarily need to frame them that way, but find out his opinions on the following topics:  Rebellion, in general (if you can bring it up discreetly) Innocent deaths for a greater cause Monarchy War The death penalty Sincerely,  Cyrus P.S. I bet on the red dress. 

Dear Cyrus, I see that you don’t consider me your mental equal.  Sincerely,  Maya P.S. Of course you did.

Dear Maya, If you can prove your mental capacity for debate, then perhaps I will have to.  Expectantly, Cyrus

[sir-fenris]

I for some reason cannot tag you at all tumblr thinks you don't exist but I was going to reply to the LOVELY TAGS THAT YOU LEFT FOR ME AGAIN and i CAN'T so im doing it HERE

The fact that you mentioned how thought out my descriptions were specifically made me so unreasonably happy bc i have so much more trouble with descriptions than dialogue and i spend so much time just Thinking about every word i write! thats kinda why it takes me so long to get new chapters out so i extra appreciate you for that

you said so many nice things you always say such endlessly kind things!! I always think of you whenever i post anything auden related youre so cool and i miss you when i dont see you i hope you are having only good things happen to you forever.....

i love you soso much im so glad you enjoyed His Majesty's most recent act of terror! Our Dark Lord quite enjoys doing big acts of terror, and then sometimes he enjoys doing smaller, more insignificant ruining of lives. It truly just depends on his mood whether he'd like to wage a planet-wide large-scale war on humanity for three centuries, or if he would rather simply enjoy locking a pathetic clumsy little human into one of his many nightmarish torture dimensions and watching as the poor servant boy's entire sense of existence is meticulously, sadistically crushed into dust for a little while. Equally fun!

I love you i love you i hope you have a great day and i hope you know we are best friends thank you for the lovely kind words goodbye!!!!

(@whumpitisthen)

Hiii again. You couldn't tag me because I disabled that function while I was away from tumblr due to a health reason. I was receiving a lot of spam-tagging, so I turned it off for a little while. Should be on again now :)

And you're so welcome! love your story :D I really couldn't tell that description is harder for you than dialogue. Honestly, to me, description seemed to be your fortee!! It is one of the most detailed descriptive stories I've found in here, and it is so so well-written! When I am describing the power of my main character of Curse of Withering (Cyrus), I even try to use your way of describing things, because I relly like the way it sounds with eerie/magical/out-worldly stuff.

And that's so, so sweet, omg (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) I don't even know what to say! Thank you <33! I had to give myself an extensive break from here while I was taking care of myself, that's why I didn't see the chapter when it got posted, but now I'm back :D

His Majesty is truly a whumper's dream of a character, his sadism is very tasty to read! And poor boy, loved to see him suffer, but give him gentle headpats for me, please! He's such an adorable tiny suffering bean, he deserves patting after a little torture.

Thank you thank you thank you <333 You're very kind, too!

For him / For you

[realm-sweet-realm]

Her Own Hands, chapter 5: Reversal

After Team Galactic collapses, Mars is desperate enough to return home to her father, Giovanni. She must navigate the politics and grand goals of the Kanto team in order to rescue her former leader… and keep Team Rocket from taking over the world in the meantime.

---

In the end, Mars decided to go home. Giovanni wouldn't have found out about Mew2.1 yet, and going home allowed her to grab her map of outposts. Maybe sometime today she could sneak away to one of Team Galactic's depots. Hopefully Jupiter would help her. Hopefully Giovanni could still be stopped.

Mars was assigned to learn shell business management from Archer that day. Archer’s office was quiet and opulent, just as it had been when Mars was little and had spent countless afternoons here, playing with her brother on days when their nanny had time off and her parents had business elsewhere. He’d replaced the furniture since then- red leather now instead of black, but the minifridge was still stocked with the same array of drinks he’d begun to share with Mars the day he first came to him for feminine advice. Ariana might not have wanted to deal with the awkwardness of teaching her to manage a menstrual period or a crush, but Archer was determined and had had just enough female friends in his youth to fill the mom-shaped hole in her life. Or to try, anyway.

“And that’s how you manage the supply chains of a shell business,” Archer concluded, closing his laptop as they finished up for the day. “Any questions, Mars?” he asked, turning his attention to her. He’d been gentle with her today, like he could tell she was sad but was waiting for her to come to him instead of pushing.

“No, I think I’ve got it. And thanks for using my old name.”

“Of course. It’s okay to have trouble fully letting go, even of things that weren’t good for you. Just tell me when you're ready for me to stop.”

“You bet. Could I… ask you a question?”

“Of course. Go ahead.”

“What do you do when the person you’ve looked up to, the person you trusted would be everything you needed… turns out to not be all that?” Mars had planned this conversation in her head, thinking of the exact words she could use. It wasn’t hard- She was supposed to have lost faith in Team Galactic, and now that she wasn't entirely pretending anymore, why pretend that it didn't hurt?

Archer’s brow furrowed with sympathy. “You’ve asked the right person,” he sighed. “I’m not going to pretend that it’s an easy thing to go through. While Giovanni was gone, I started to have doubts about whether he’d come back, and if he was ever what I thought he was. I told myself a lot of things to protect myself from the fact that he might be the type of leader who could just leave us like that. But the day that he came back, every bit of what I told myself crashed down in a second. I was just glad to have him.”

“What did you tell yourself?”

“That I had to be for myself what he’d always been to me, and all that I needed him to be. That even if he was never the person I thought he was, he taught me what to idolize, and that if he really was gone forever, I would just have to truly replace him.” Archer closed his eyes and smiled, like he was laughing at himself. “I even had thoughts that I could be better than he was. Silly thoughts, of course. I was never half the leader he was.”

“Okay,” Mars said, feeling like she’d learned more about Archer than how to handle her situation.

"That wasn't very helpful, was it?"

"Mmm, not really?"

“Well, I tried. Want a nightcap before I send you off, Mars?”

“Sure. It’ll be our first legal one together.”

Archer chuckled. "Indeed it will.”

Mars did not return to Giovanni's mansion that night. As she ate pork chops and mashed potatoes and weighed her options for outposts at the diner she'd stopped at, she faced a choice: was she going to go back to Mew2.1 that night? Was she going to take that risk to see Cyrus one more time? And if so, for what?

It occurred to Mars that leaving prematurely last night had consequences. Cyrus had said that he didn’t want to make the new world anymore, but she hadn’t waited around to ask what he did intend to do if he got out. It seemed likely that he could still help her to unify Team Galactic and keep Team Rocket from taking over the world- he gave her advice on how to get Mew2.1 away from Giovanni, after all. And as much as she hated Cyrus right now, she still needed to find a way to stop Giovanni, and that would be a lot easier with an evil team leader on her side.

It was settled. Mars stood, shovelled the last of her dinner into her mouth, and took to the entrance. Her crobat was well-used to the routine by now, and took off into the night sky as soon as Mars had grabbed ahold of it. As the cool night air rushed past her in the darkness, Mars’ mind stumbled upon a very important question.

If I really am able to see him again, what am I going to say to him?

It could be their last chance to talk for a long while, and once again she was kicking herself for leaving so soon last night. It was hard to know what he’d react well to when she knew so little about his mental state. She wished she could trust him to have all the answers. Hopefully he still would, and his loss of faith in the new world was all that had changed, but…

Archer’s words came back to her. I had to be for myself all that he was to me, and all that I needed him to be.

It was beginning to drizzle, and Mars remembered the night she’d first joined Team Galactic. The rain had been coming down, and Mars should have been running to the nearest Pokémon Center. She knew from experience by then that her clothes didn’t dry easily, and sleeping while soaked was miserable even if she’d have a roof to do it under. But she had to find that street preacher she’d seen that day. Eventually, she did, and, too shy to say anything to him at first, she followed him home.

He gave me so much more than dry clothes and a place to stay. He gave me a mission, something to believe in and work for. He didn’t have all the answers. Mars had been his second recruit, and at only thirteen, she’d had a lot to teach him about managing an evil team. But she’d believed in him.

I guess now I have to be that for myself. But how? Without the new world, the rest just falls apart.

A thought occurred to Mars, sending a jolt through her body: there was no part of creating a new world that Cyrus could do and she couldn’t. She could still make everything okay. Heck, if she could convince him, it could still be the four of them again- just with her as the boss and Cyrus as one of her commanders.

If I can see him again, I’m going to make him feel the way I did that day.

Mars had half-expected that she'd come within a mile of the facility and have to turn tail and run away from armed guards. Instead, the trip to the Distortion World was suspiciously uneventful- no new locks on the doors, no grunts keeping watch, nothing. Maybe plans had changed and Giovanni hadn't checked Mew2.1 that day? It seemed unlikely. Still, Mars pressed on.

Once Mars had made it to the strange realm, she zeroed in on the mountainous floating island and found Cyrus writing on the wall of his cave.

Cyrus turned to Mars once he realized she was there. “You’re… here,” he said, stone-faced. He turned back to the wall. “Do what you will.”

Mars got out of Mew2.1. “Oh, come on. Just because you broke my heart doesn’t mean I’m gonna kill you.”

Cyrus turned back to her, apparently as surprised as she was to be getting this opportunity. “I’m sorry…” he began.

“Save it,” Mars cut in. “We don’t have much time, and the other commanders need to hear that, too. Look at me, Cyrus. You fucked up, big time. You lied to us about what the new world would be like, and now you want to just leave us with the aftermath. But you know what? You gave me something to hope for, and I’m getting it. I’m going to get the commanders back together, and we’re going to figure out how to make a better world, and we’re not going to lie to each other. Join us or don’t, but before I do any of that, I need your help getting Mew2.1 out of Giovanni’s hands, and you’re going to help me.”

Cyrus nodded. It was odd seeing him look almost submissive for once. “Where do we start?” he asked.

Mars took a recording device from her belt. “I need you to record a message. I’m going to go to one of the depots that Jupiter’s team goes to. You’re going to tell Jupiter that you’re alive and that you’re working with me to get back from the Distortion World. She thinks I’m a traitor, but she’ll recognize your voice and trust you. And then, I’ll tell her the location of Mew2.1 and exactly how she can steal it. Okay?”

Cyrus gave her a smile and an approving nod. It’s the kind of plan he would have come up with, and she knew it. The tape was recorded uneventfully, and when they played it back, it sounded right.

“Alright. Second order of business- getting you out of here.”

“As much as I would like to leave immediately…” Cyrus gestured to the distorted part of his face, “there’s no knowing what this might do if we try.”

“No way of knowing, but it’s easy enough to guess.” Mars’ guess was that the distorted parts of his body would fall apart into a bloody mess as soon as he was in the real world. It was hard to imagine him surviving it. “That’s okay. Before all of this Mew2.1 stuff happened, I was going to beat the new Sinnoh champion and make Giratina bring you back. I can still do that- in fact, Mew2.1 will make it easier. I know you don’t have much of a way to measure time, but how long do you think you have before you’re lost to the Distortion? In our world, it’s been four or five months since you got here.”

“Assuming it keeps spreading at its current pace? Weeks. Maybe a month.”

“That’s plenty of time. Third order of business. Cyrus. Look me in the eyes and tell me that once all this is over, you’ll help me make the new world. I’ll do it with or without you, but I wanna do it the four of us- me, you, Saturn, and Jupiter.”

Cyrus closed his eyes and thought on that. Mars grit her teeth, resisting the urge to either yell at him or keep trying to persuade him. What was going through his head? Was he weighing all the evil in the world against the chance that they’d just make something worse? Regretting the loss of his power? Judging her leadership abilities? She knew him better than anyone but Saturn, and still he could be so annoyingly hard to read.

“I’ll do it. Thank you, Mars- for not abandoning me.”

“Thank you,” Mars said with her usual smugness and pep. For that moment, she allowed herself to hope that, the new balance of power aside, things could go back to normal between them. "It does feel good being the one in charge for once. Weird and new, but good."

Cyrus’ face darkened and his Crobat flew to his side. “Mars, behind you. Get into Mew2.1, now!”

Before Mars could even look back, a dart shot into her neck. At the mouth of the cave were several Rocket grunts, all armed to the teeth.

[edns]

2020 -> 2024

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY FIRE EMBLEM THREE HOUSES!!!

I am very sad that I can't make a separate piece for the event, but I can post a comparison of my art from ~5 years ago and some sappy rambles, so here goes!

This game has really seen it all: my best times, and my worst. I was quite late to being active in the fandom, and started actively drawing fan art only in about 2023... This one picture from 2020 is the only piece of fan art I've drawn before that.

Back then, Bernadetta was a character that meant a lot to me (she still is!!), because I relate to her quite a lot as a person with So much anxiety... But drawing and thinking about Cyrus and Dimitri truly has kept me alive through some of the worst times of my life. Basically every playable character in this game means a lot to me, even if they. Don't exist in the game and only exist in my brain... you know

My art has seen quite a bit of improvement, I think! I went through art school (kind of) and drawing fe3h fan art actively really forced me to get out of my comfort zone and improve, and pushed me to making my art more "mine" instead of following what's trendy. And I still am trying my best despite my unfortunately declining health.

Thank you video game. You've been secretly living in my brain rent free for ~3 years. Here's to more brainrot <3

[johnandrasjaqobis]

20 Questions: Writing Edition

@ex-textura didn't technically tag me but i'm technically a mutual who writes so Close Enough!!

How many works do you have on ao3?

37 ~ It never feels like many until I actually scroll through the whole list

What’s your total ao3 word count?

365,335

What are your top five fics by kudos?

A Different Sort of House Call (Danny Phantom / House MD crossover) because Of Course it is, even though I posted it on ao3 years after it started on ff.n a truly bizarre amount of people still found it

Cloaks, Daggers, and Cigarette Smoke (Fallout 4, Nick/Deacon) aka the one I feel actually deserves the kudos count it has fjdksl Longest fic i've ever written, still going strong (relatively, anyway), I love this one a lot

Speak (Z Nation) or that one where 10k had been on his own for a Very Long Time and kinda had to relearn how to. talk to people.

When Ghosts Speak (Pacific Rim!Mad Max au) where Furiosa lost her arm and nearly lost her mother in a kaiju fight, Max just wants to be left alone to repair the jaegers, and unfortunately they keep running into each other

One Step at a Time (MCU, Steve/Maria) that's just a collection of one-shots for a vastly underrated ship, Maria Hill deserves so much more appreciation and also she was definitely wearing Steve's coat in age of ultron

What fandoms do you write for?

there's. a lot. I had a good chunk of Marvel stuff back in the day, a bunch of Helix fics (relatively, for a fandom that tiny), the occasional niche podcasts and syfy shows, some Critical Role, Fallout 4 of course, and I've written a lot for my own dnd games. I have an itch to write something with Severance and Helix but. I gotta figure out What

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

barring the times I read it and then tell myself I'm gonna reply when I get home and then Forget To Do That, yeah!! I love replying to comments, I post stuff so that people can share in my vague flailing about whatever fandom currently lives in my brain, it's even better if it's a conversation!

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ahahah you say as if any of my chapter fics have Endings for the one shots I think Homecoming is kinda the most depressing because it is. well, canon adjacent to what Helix pulled on us in season 2. If I were ever to finish my chapter fics. Turning Point would absolutely have the angstiest end. My silly little Left4Dead2 fic that I wrote entirely out of spite with the intention of it ending poorly.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Genuinely most of my stuff ends at least vaguely optimistically, especially since I write a lot of ship stuff. I think maybe Morpheus, the EOS10 fic, might take the cake on that one though, that was practically all fluff and chasing a cat around a space station and did end very sweet

Do you get hate on fics?

I think I had one review that might've counted as a flame years ago, statistically on House Call, but I don't really remember much besides being proud that I'd come far enough to get a bad review fjdskl

Do you write smut?

tragically no, I've made attempts every now and again but simply cannot manage it (never say never and all that but. god.)

Do you write crossovers?

My most popular fic by a landslide is an insanely bizarre crossover. I did a lot more of them in the early years, but they still hold a special place in my heart (again, would Love to do Severance and Helix, but hmmmm) ((and also it's the weird difference of. an au is not necessarily the same as a crossover, right, I throw so many characters into Helix aus but it's Different))

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so -- I've done a quick check every time one of those fic scraper sites pops up and so far I think I'm in the clear

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

ehhhh some of the stuff Cyrus and I wrote kinda borders on it -- we've turned quick roleplays into fics before, but not really cowritten, I wouldn't say?

What’s your all time favourite ship?

you ask me to choose between my dear beloved children, I simply cannot clint and natasha will always hold a top spot, but so will sergio and anana. I think if anything those two tie.

What’s the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

of all the wips I'm determined to finish (and I've got a number that I just know are dead in the water). I honestly don't know that I'll go back to Turning Point. which like, is disappointing (to me, it never had a very big following), but also there's some Real Life emotions tied up with that one now and I know how it ends so. idk again never say never, but as much as part of me would like to wrap that up, it might just stay as is

What are your writing strengths?

I've been at this a long time. I'm good at characterization and dialogue specifically, and I've been told I have a skill for making even one-off npc type side characters feel like real fleshed out people. One comment said I am good at resolving a cliffhanger in a chapter only to hit you with Another Different cliffhanger and I think that's funny because half the time it's unintentional fjdksl

What are your writing weaknesses?

fuking. ending Anything. if it's more than a chapter, it will just never end, there's a reason the vast majority of my works are one shots

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Depends on the context; if it's one or two words that the POV character doesn't understand, I'll probably write it out in that language. If it's more than that it'll just be something noting that they said something in a different language. If it's something that the POV character would understand, probably just note the switch to the other language and write it in italics maybe

First fandom you wrote for?

Warriors. yes, the cats. both in the sense of first fic posted anywhere And literally the first stories I ever actually wrote

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

the fallout 4 fic is a gem, honestly, I adore that one. and it's technically kind of a spinoff of the main story but or be taken out alive when Carly fights the courser I maintain is probably some of the best writing I've done please if you read the main fic please read that one it came out so good

i am too sleepy to tag anyone tbh it was just fun to do this because a h i love writing, i swear i'll get back to it some day

but of course if any of my beloved mutuals want to yell about their fics consider this your tag i wanna see!!

[shayshaybiscuit25]

I no longer support white celebs or people//

How do people not realize this is basically birthing hatred in your own heart. It makes one no better than the people they claim to hate. All white people aren’t the problem, majority, to the point racism is still ramped, yes, but to blindly go around claiming to not like or support every single white person based on the actions of others makes you seem childish asf anon. I get mad at racist, not all white people.

I suggest you go to you local library and take a deep dive in history, if it weren’t for certain white advocates even in small numbers, a lot of risked their lives along with our black leaders, a lot of things would not have occurred nor improved.

Go learn about the White Panther party.

I get so tired of people looking at things on the internet and basing conclusions without realizing you obviously know very little about our history let alone the world to make a baseless statement like that,even reading this you’re probably thinking I’m “standing up for the white man” 🙄

Some of you need to learn what’s happened. I know things are bad now, but sweetheart they’ve been worse they’ve also at one point were amazing. Many of you weren’t born to know there were three beautiful decades where black folks THRIVED!! We everywhere, music, tv, etc. We were and forever will be IT! ✨ unfortunately racist and some black people who chose money over the betterment of our people (Hi BET 🖕🏾), shut that down and now we have the entertainment industry as you all know it now. This is why many of us that you all think are “haters” say music, tv and movies aren’t the same. We had multiple talented black women across genres, not just one or two. We had every skin tone represented. Many of you truly don’t understand how y’all fall for some of the most mediocre stuff nowadays yet call it “talent”.

The standard has dropped significantly to the point everyone and their mama are getting famous now.

I may sound like a prude, but the over sexualization of black women ain’t it. They are trying to have our young girls and immature grown women thinking certain types of behavior and attire is appropriate when it’s not. No one is saying cover up head to toe, but many do not understand there’s a time and place for things. Most of our celebs are focused on money and not the influence they are putting out there. It’s all going to blow up eventually. We went from artist standing up and using their talents and platforms to better our community, go listen to L-Boogie “That Thing”, and listen to the lyrics. Nina Simone, BillieHoliday, etc to now where people can say a basic quote that sounds nice and people automatically label them an advocate. Don’t even get me started on various white artists using black artist to boost their careers or eras. (Miley Cyrus now claims to be embarrassed by her Bangerz era, yet claimed back then that was her authentic self, stop letting people use us)

I understand the times change, but said change isn’t always good. We’re still being used in ways many can’t comprehend.

Idol worship is seen as “normal”. People really be out here worshipping other humans who mock God, yet claim to be “Christian”, I don’t care if someone claims to “love” God with their mouth, actions speak louder than words. Too many baby Christians out here getting easily influenced because they lack knowledge of HIS word. I’m serious, people better stop playing with God and making excuses for their actions. God don’t play that. He shows us love, grace and mercy, yes, but putting demonic affiliation in music videos, calling God the n-word, Calling God out his name in general, mocking him, etc.

Showing every single inch of their bodies and trying to claim it’s for expression or women rights, nah you can love you and be sexy without doing all that. There’s a reason the black women of the 70s, 80s and 90s were top tier, sometimes less is indeed more.

Just because someone is rich and famous doesn’t mean they are “blessed” by God. People don’t think Satan will be crafty enough to have you believing you’re doing great, not realizing lukewarm Christianity is not good. God will spit them out of his mouth.

Don’t allow these entertainers have any of you out here drifting away from God all because you love your fav. These music artist today display the darkness right in front of us all, but get praised. Go watch the videos of early 2010s to now and tell me they haven’t gotten darker and more revealing in various ways.

Y’all stay blessed and just keep your eyes and hearts open. Developing the gift of discernment is a true blessing. People think because we’re saved we can do anything, but God knows all. We speak in love and truth. His word is Truth.

Oh wowwwwww

Anon to Anon.

[golbrocklovely]

I’m gonna say that it scares me how bullying other people has been normalized on the Internet to the point that people with morals and brains who do not really even like the person that is being harrased are made fun of for simply trying to stop the hate.

I am not even here talking about the whole sam and katelyn situation. I am talking in general. I’ve noticed that in many fandoms harrasing people online that we do not like, making fun of them in every possible way has been so normalized that a person who praises them will appear as a “silly” for a bigger audience of fans. Like what? Like f.e this has been a thing rn in yr fandom (idk if you watched the show). People have been targeting E and hating on him for having a gf (literally… same thing as snc lol) and making fun of people who are being just supportive and lovely.

I, like everyone else also have people i dislike. But what the heck is the point of bringing it to the Internet and basically sending those people hate? And that applies to everyfuckinhone. Sam, Colby, Edwin, idk Katelyn, Malia, Katrina etc etc. If you do not like someone… just shut up and rant to your bestie about it on private. Why bring it into public space when everyone can see it ? INCLUDING the person you are making fun of /hating on. There has been sooo many cases of people trying to commit s*icide or committing it only due to online hate they received and i wonder how many more of it will take for people to finally reflect that what you put on the Internet and how you treat others can have very big influence on how they are feeling and things can turn really really bad turn. Or are we are just gonna stay as immature wannabe “cool and savage” mfs, who are just mean and sad and one by one gonna all k*ll eo either is literally or metaphorically (like kill eo happiness and personalities)

i agree with you so much, anon.

it's so odd to me how easy it is for certain ppl to hate someone they truly don't know.

and look, i won't pretend to be a saint. plenty of ppl know who i don't like bc i've talked about it. however, i have never in all my years of being on the internet (both in this fandom and not) have went to someone's page and hated on them directly or dmed them. i don't wish harm on those i don't like or disagree with. but so many ppl do and it's truly upsetting.

do i complain on here about ppl that aren't on here? yes. but i'm not gonna go to a site they are on and @ them and say "hey here's why i don't like you" bc that type of behavior to me is hella weird.

truly i think more ppl would benefit from just buying a journal and writing shit out there. bc too many ppl feel embolden to be as rude as possible, as if there isn't someone else on the other side of the screen.

bullying online never makes sense to me bc… what exactly do you want the end result to be? for them to hurt themselves? deactivate? never come back online? i just don't understand what thought process you have to think that harassing someone is gonna make them bend to your will, whatever that might be.

and no, i don't watch the show you're referring to, but i can believe that 100%. that happens so often to any male figures in literally every form of media. it's so odd. hell, i know i used to act that way when i was younger and in the jonas brothers fandom. but even back then i didn't @ miley cyrus and say she didn't deserve nick jonas lol

this is the first time in a long time i've ever actually considered leaving the fandom. not only has this harassment of katelyn really been eye opening to me, but also just the way sam went about all of this too. it all has left a sour taste in my mouth. but i'm trying to just remember that surrounding myself with nice ppl in the fandom (or those that are reasonable enough to not harass another person) is the better option than just up and leaving. bc i do love snc, even if rn i'm disappointed by them.

i just wish ppl would be nicer. maybe it's bc of my depression or past issues with bullying, but it's so disheartening to see all of this play out the way it has. and while i know i haven't always been kind, i at least try to be. but i feel like so many don't even do that. and that's a real shame.

[desmon1995]

The Warriors and their Odyssey of misogyny

I can’t stop thinking about how The Warriors is more relevant now than ever, especially in the wake of the 2024 election. This isn’t just a story about gang conflicts and survival—it's a brutally honest reflection of the world that marginalized people have to navigate every day. At its core, it’s about fighting through a sea of misogyny and toxic masculinity to survive in a system that’s dead set on crushing those who don’t fit its narrative.

Let’s start with Luther. He’s a white incel in every sense—angry, destructive, and, above all, ready to deflect blame the moment he’s caught in his own violence. After killing a black female activist, he immediately accuses the Warriors. Cleon, a character who knows what it means to fight for your community, begs for reason, for justice. But it’s hopeless—Luther’s lie spreads through his gang the Rouges, and every gang believes him. They want to believe the white man’s narrative. This is how the Warriors become outcasts, hunted by everyone.

What’s chilling, though, is how The Warriors dives deep into the nuances of toxic masculinity, showing it in forms we recognize all too well.

First, we have the Turnbull ACs—the poster boys of hyper-masculine violence. They’re the first to pursue the Warriors, and they’re more than willing to turn their hunt into something brutal. The ACs don't just want revenge; they want to dominate, to assert their power over the Warriors in every violent way possible. All in the name of Cyrus, no less—a symbol of a leader they’ll never understand. And they’re acting this way because of a lie, blindly following a dangerous white man’s narrative without question. It’s the rawest depiction of machismo and rage—almost an anthem of how Men of Color end up perpetuating harmful Eurocentric viewpoints just be a part of a society that hates them too.

Then come the Orphans. The Orphans are all talk, acting like the typical online "alpha males" we see on Reddit or Twitter. They talk big about their strength and what they’d do to women, but they’re nothing but insecure. The moment a more feminine-presenting Warrior flirts with them, they back down, only to puff up again when Mercy questions their manhood. It’s pathetic, really, but also painfully real. As soon as the Warriors fight back, the Orphans crumble, showing us exactly how performative their masculinity truly is.

Then there’s the Hurricanes—the only group to stand with the Warriors. They’re queer, and they know what it’s like to be outcast, to run because society sees you as something to be destroyed. The Hurricanes offer a quiet, resilient kind of mentorship, showing the Warriors that they don’t have to run—that they can fight. The solidarity here is beautiful, and historically resonant. Queer rights and women’s rights are so deeply intertwined because they’ve both faced the brutal crush of patriarchy, especially from those determined to keep the world “pure” and “safe” for white, conservative ideals. The Hurricanes help the Warriors see their own power, and it’s their influence that eventually allows them to survive.

But the most frightening group? The Bizzies. They’re the “nice guys,” the false allies who sing about being there to help. In their song “We Got You,” they say everything marginalized people want to hear. They’re supportive, kind, and reassuring—until they get you in a dark place, where your screams can’t be heard. Cowgirl lets her guard down with them, only to find out that their support was a façade. The Bizzies are insidious because this happens all the time in real life. Fake allies talk about helping marginalized people but vanish or even turn hostile the moment things get difficult. In 2024, we’re reminded every day that this kind of allyship is hollow.

A recent Vulture review questioned why most of the male characters in The Warriors are “bad” and argued that this one-sided view “limits” the story. But here’s the thing: this isn’t one-sided for those of us who are marginalized. For women, queer folks, and people of color, this is our reality. The Warriors reveals what’s true for many of us: that we have to rely on each other, and that the fight for our own freedom is in our hands because no one else will fight it for us without diluting or dismissing it.

In a way, The Warriors is the sequel to Hamilton we need in 2024. It’s a call to action, a piece that understands what it means to exist on the fringes of a world that was never designed for you. For those who think this story isn’t “realistic,” I urge you to think about what it means to live without the privilege of being heard, of being believed. This is the life marginalized communities face every day—the struggle of knowing that no matter how loud we shout, society might never listen.

We’re the ones who have to make our voices heard. And The Warriors reminds us that we’re not alone in this fight.