#same codependency: different methods

[codewitch]

Whenever someone in the locked tomb fandom calls Camilla/the whole cam/pal thing “normal” or “comparatively well adjusted” I’m like. Look, don’t let Cam’s deadpan demeanor or Pal’s nerdiness seduce you: they may not be disaster lesbians but it’s purely on technicality. They are what you see in the dictionary when you look up “codependent”. Cam carried fragments of his bones for months with nary a necromancer nor a plan in sight. Pal became a revenant and amused himself with bad romance novels. They shared a body passing notes to each other because a bone hand wasn’t good enough. Both killed themselves rather than let the other die. Like Cam died to become Paul. Pal was already dead but he died again to become Paul. This is toxic codependency 101, folks.

[crookedghosts]

I JUST REALIZED THAT ANNABETH/LEO'S FRIENDSHIP IS SO FUCKING ALEX/NORA (book!rwrb, not movie!rwrb, even tho kinda) CODED. AND THEN HENRY/JASON ALREADY HAS A PERCY BESTIE... WHO IS SO SMITTRN WITH NORA/ANNABETH....I NEED TO WRITE THIS FIC SO BAD.

[nitw]

the funniest/saddest thing to me about interpreting portal 2 as a love story is that i don't think it would've worked out the same if chell WASN'T mute.

glados only becomes so deeply codependent and fixated on chell because she doesn't respond. she's the only human test subject left, and while glados probably /would/ have tried to kill her by the end again if she'd gotten the chance (the co-op bots), the way she interacts with chell in the early levels is pretty different from the first game. she talks a LOT more. takes every opportunity to insult her and mess with her. drags out one-sided conversations for as long as she can. it's mostly out of spite of course - chell can't argue back and is forced to keep moving through the chambers to survive, so what's stopping glados from making the final moments of chell's life a living hell?

but it's also so very /personal/. she's not just throwing random stuff at the wall, she wants chell to FEEL IT. she wants her revenge to actually mean something before she cuts the cord. she wants to get a /reaction/ out of her. because chell is always there with her, she's always listening, and yet their relationship is equivalent to talking to a mirror. glados is constantly screaming into a void that never as much as whispers back, and we know she's lonelier than she wants to admit. but even we, the player, never get to see the depths of chell's heart. we have no idea how she thinks other than her insane stubbornness and willpower - which she expresses most clearly in their confrontations to the death.

glados and chell's ONLY direct method of communication is physical violence. and from the perspective of a machine who was built to solve puzzles and calculations, but has too much capacity for human empathy than she's comfortable with, that must be torture.

[gauntletgirlie]

So, I have a confession to make. Long post to follow, sorry.

Anyone who follows my blog knows I post the thirstiest bullshit, alright, and I love it but…

… there’s a part of me that doesn’t agree with the sexualisation sometimes. I’ve often wondered if my brain just works in different ways to other people’s, maybe I have some aroace in me yearning to come forth? But there are a lot of ships that sprung up from TROP where I have nothing against them at all, I firmly stand on ship and let ship, but what they were founded on I did not interpret as sexy or romantic.

For example, Adar is shipped with all and sundry and it’s brilliant and peak comedy at times, fuelled by Sam Hazeldine’s fantastic chemistry with his co-stars. But there are certain scenes where I get why they were interpreted that way, but I also think a lot can be missed by jumping to sex/romance.

One instance is Adar telling Elrond he has the beauty of his forebear Melian. In modern society, a man calling another man beautiful probably is flirting, since men (generalisation) struggle to compliment each other apparently without feeling the need to caveat “no homo”. But in the context of Tolkien’s world and even medieval norms, that wasn’t the case. If anything, Adar is showing off his knowledge and also baiting Elrond by asking if he’s as wise as Melian.

Also take the scene where Adar chokes Elrond to get Nenya from around his neck. Often interpreted as kinky (which is valid). Sometimes choking is just violence though. Adar needed to get Nenya and overpower Elrond. He’s in the middle of a literal battle. Maybe I’ve watched too much true crime and seen the effects of countless domestic abuse cases, but choking can just be violent and violently intended. Probably a boring and obvious take, but that’s how I perceived it when I watched.

Does Adar look sexy as hell doing it? I think so but others might not. Could you also see it as Adar flirting with Elrond and ship them together? Of course! Why the hell not! I just sometimes miss the non-romantic aspects of analysis and discussion.

Same with Maidar. I totally get where that ship comes from, it makes sense, it has a lot going for it. I also personally adhere to the notion there was no sex or romance between them. I think there was alluring, I think there was admiration, I think there was a codependency, I don’t think it was sexual or romantic. To me, having your best friend and/or most trusted, loyal follower stab you in the back would hurt more than a lover. I might be falling back on my own thoughts on how I’d feel and I would personally be more devastated at being betrayed by my closest friend than my husband. I’ve lost friends and I’ve lost loves, the friends hurt more.

Adariel is another one. Again, I think there are strong grounds for that ship and I love so much of the art for it, but a lot of what is interpreted as romantic for me was just tactical manipulation, coupled with genuine admiration on Adar’s part and the fact that Galadriel is beautiful so most people would be attracted to her if we’re being totally honest. Adar used her to get what he wanted. His methods might have included flirtation or creating tension in closeness, but for me, they were all about tactics to defeat Sauron. Galadriel and Nenya were a way for him to do that so he did want he needed to facilitate that.

I’m not even going to touch on Haladriel or Saurondriel because this post is already hella long and my anxiety is already sky high so I’m chickening out.

Sorry this is such a weird random word vomit, it was nerve wracking to write and post, but I just needed space to let this part of me out. I know it’s so contradictory to how I’ve presented myself on here so far, but I felt like if I’m allowed to let the thirst flow, I should be allowed to let this version of me out as well.

I’m literally this:

Guess which one gets fed more? 😂

Fear not, folks, I will resume my thirsty bullshit forthwith.

[thedaughterofkings]

Sooooooo what is this cool german (?) show I'm seeing on my dash? 👀

This turned out long, so please click to read more!

Oooooooookay, soooooooo:

There is this long-running crime show on German television called Tatort (crime scene) - and I do mean long-running, the first episode was broadcast in 1970! The first broadcast of a new episode is almost always on a Sunday at a quarter past eight (prime time). In total there are almost 1300 episodes! The good thing is though, that you don't have to watch every single episode because it's not one continuous story.

Rather, there are different teams which investigate crime in different cities, and while there are some teams/characters which have been around for a very long time, we do get new teams regularly.

In 2020 a new series with a new team of police officers started in Saarbrücken (capital of the smallest federal state, disregarding the city states). AND BOY DID IT START!

The structure is almost always the same - there's a crime of the day which gets solved within 90 minutes. As the main characters are recurring, you usually also get some personal info about them and their relationships in every episode, but truly overarching B-plots are somewhat rare, especially as it's typically at least a few months until a new episode for a team is released (there are currently 18 teams in the rotation, which all get one to three new episodes per year).

With our current team for Tatort Saarbrücken we do get a larger focus on the characters and an actual B-plot over several episodes - which is especially surprising as it's produced by the smallest of the federal/regional public broadcasters and only gets one (ONE!!!!!) episode per year. Which we just had. And it ended on a massive cliffhanger. And now we have to wait. A YEAR!!! Anyways:

Our four main characters are a team of police inspectors investigating homicides.

I present to you:

Adam Schürk:

Our wet little meow meow, loves wearing double denim, police inspector that used to work in Berlin but recently returned to his hometown of Saarbrücken because he could become the partner of his former best friend -

Leo Hölzer:

the team lead, and, it turns out, the one who as a teenager put Adam's abusive (and criminal) dick of a father into a coma by hitting him with a spade to stop him beating Adam to death (hence the nickname "Spatort", a portmonteau of "Spaten" (spade) and "Tatort" (crime scene), which combined make a sort of "spade scene").

When Adam turns up, Leo is struggling to keep his team together, especially butting heads with

Esther Baumann:

the only competent one, initially very much questions Leo's authority and capability as team lead, still very much annoyed (and rightfully so) at the questionable methods that especially Adam uses to investigate their homicides ("Adam style" - which means dangerous, and probably illegal), speaks French (Saarbrücken is very close to France) and flirts with pretty fellow female French police officers, and calls the last member of the team pet names

Pia Heinrich:

why yes, almost every gif tumblr suggested for her shows her eating! In the first episodes I'd call her the laid back one, not as high strung as Esther, not as utterly insanely codependent as Adam and Leo, but oh how the turn tables! In the latest episode she's shown to be taking adhd medicine to be able to stay awake longer and investigate a cold case of a missing person that's probably going to fuel the B-plot for the next set of episodes.

When I watched their first episode, I was sitting there like - is anyone else seeing this??? I can't be the only one seeing this???? And the only place I could think of to check was tumblr - and lo, and behold, I was not the only one seeing it!

What we were seeing was:

Leo and Adam, childhood best friends (in contrast to what I've written above, in the following gif it's actually Leo, not Adam, who's double denim-ing)

it's revealed that Adam protected Leo from bullies at school, while he himself was being trained/abused/shut into wardrobes by his father, a criminal (to put it mildly). When they are discovered by Adam's father in the tree house, he beats Adam so much that Leo fears for his life and takes a spade and hits Adam's father with it, who ends up in a coma because of that. The boys hide the spade attack by feigning an accident and setting a fire to destroy evidence.

At some point after this, Adam leaves Saarbrücken/runs away, and has apparently no contact to Leo until he suddenly appears in Leo's office as his new partner!

They are of course immediately called away to a homicide and we get our first hug:

At this point I was biting back screams, kicking my feet in excitement and heading to tumblr. They've been reunited for like half an hour or so at this point!!!!!

Throughout the in total now seven episodes we also get scenes like these:

(this is Leo arresting Adam because Adam's father committed suicide in a way that made it seem as though Adam killed him - no I am not kidding and yes it involves frogs) Of course Leo works hard to clear his name and get him released form prison - which is actually when the above hug happens.

AND OF COURSE:

Are we being queerbaited? I honestly don't know - it could just be an accidental queerbait where we do most of the work ourselves, who knows, they might actually make them canon (in like five to fifteen years) - as it is, the last episode didn't have such a major focus on them and their relationship which my shipping heart of course doesn't like, but it did leave more room for the girls and for developing the relationships between the different constellations within the team and I did like that a lot!

Annnnnnd, we did end with something of a hug between the two (spoiler alert I guess^^°):

this is Leo's head on Adam's lap - unfortunately post explosion and of course the cliffhanger left us hanging before we could tell whether Leo's still alive or not! (guess why we are screaming)

Anyways, getting into Tatort Saarbrücken is both not a huge commitment (there's only six episodes of 90 minutes each so far) and a huge commitment because after each episode you'll have to wait A YEAR, but I think it's totally worth it!

Currently all episodes should be available in the ARD Mediathek, for anyone who can access it and speaks German (German subtitles available too). I do believe there are versions with English subtitles floating around as well, I can try and find them, if there's any interest!

I can go into (WAY) more detail on the different episodes or crimes or characters or relationships, if you're interested, but this is probably already way longer than you expected so I'll stop here!

[kazooiey]

My versions of Relativity Scalene & Euclid :] (edits/additions are bolded)

(Second drawing is the more recent one)

For my version of Relativity Falls, I really liked the ideas that people put out about scalene and Euclid, so I sort of took that concept and ran with it. Here are some Thoughts I had, if u wanna use em for ur own rf versions then go wild!!! Just tell me that you’re using them because I love to see other people’s interpretations of this au :)

I really liked the idea that someone else had of them sort of being physically “together” in a sense (this, where they are back-to-back(made by @fungalscrungle)). the idea of them being so codependent they actually sort of became “one�� was really interesting, but I messed with it a bit more and ended up with them both shaped in a way that they can “snap” together like magnets. They are actually two separate entities, but they are joined at the hip in the most literal sense to the point that they are constantly at each other’s side

they are all that remains of their dimension. They're all the other has. Over the billions and billions of years their shapes began to shift to fit together

They are usually called “The Ciphers” by everybody else

They both have little pieces of one another, which I decided were the Euclidean version of wedding rings. Idk it seemed fitting for Bill’s parents to “carry a piece of the other wherever they go” but literal. He’d probably think it’s romantic to have a piece of your partner’s body at all times, and… these are his parents.

Scalene is the one on the left, she’s the “mother”, and Euclid is the one on the right, he’s the “father”. Considering their dimension has 14 billion different genders, I like to think that they decided to emulate the "perfect parents" to seem “friendlier” to humans

Actually their whole vibe really revolves around that.

They REALLY give off 1950’s nuclear family suburban white couple vibes in the way they talk, like “hey honey! How about we mentally torture this human today?” “I thought you’d never ask, pumpkin!” Because those always seem threatening to me. It’s the sanitization, the perfection, the blank smiles that show just a bit too much teeth. The “perfection” to the point of inhumanity, you know?

And that sort is is the opposite of what gravity falls embodies, isn’t it? Like being ur authentic weird self vs. being a perfect version of you that hides anything different

Euclid is more methodic and calm, meanwhile Scalene is sweet, but it’s a cover for a lot of the same manic instability that bill had, LIKE THE 50’S HOUSEWIFE STEREOTYPE.

these vibes are a product of how they were raised. Repression personified, sort of idealized "American Dream" type nuclear family or whatever. Loved the 50's for this exact reason, and it was their most active decade. Their influence is probably the reason the "nuclear family" subculture even exists

Their dynamic can essentially be summed up as “She kills ppl, he hides the bodies.” True love💖

When they possess someone, maybe since there’s two of them doing it at the same time, the person’s brain starts to overheat or get damaged, since there’s not enough space for them.

In relation to Dipper, I absolutely ADORE the idea that @amissamidstthemist had (here). LIKE YES!!!! They WOULD have a sort of “parental bond” with Dipper! That is SO PEAK!

They would like baby him and praise him and Euclid would ruffle his hair and Scalene would call him affectionate names.

Not only do they tap into his loneliness when it comes to that, but they also tap into his paranoia, make him believe everybody else is out to get him. He can only rely on them. “TRUST NO ONE!” (This actually is them just making a trait dipper already has worse, but one day I think i’ll touch on that)

For their backstory, I don’t know if anyone else has thought of this(someone probably has tbh) but for me they probably tried to see the stars for their son and because of that destroyed their dimension and their son with it(ow.)

BECAUSE OF THIS, they actually begin to get attached to Dipper, because he reminds them of their son, and constantly compare him to their son.

They treat Dipper a bit like the Other Mother treated Coraline.

OKAY I THINK THAT’S ALL. UH. ENJOY I GUESS LMAO

[403tarot]

How would seventeen members would want to be loved?

just trying to send a request, tysm for noticing i love your readings. ✨

how seventeen members would want to be loved? 🍀

scoups: he is intense and looks for someone who is the same way. he wants to be loved for who he is, not just for what he can offer. scoups is seeking a balanced and healthy relationship where he and the person are not just lovers but also best friends.

jeonghan: he wants to be loved in a way that revolutionizes everything he thinks about love. he's seeking someone who makes him feel heard, cared for, and loved. jeonghan believes a relationship should symbolize the connection and evolution of two individuals.

joshua: he wants to be loved in a light and healthy manner, likely the type of person who ends up falling in love without realizing. he doesn't want a love that causes heartache or provokes anxiety but rather a mature love that makes him see the sparkle in life's little things every day.

junhui: he wants to be loved unconditionally, by someone who sets his heart on fire, warms his body, and makes his hands tremble. he's the kind of guy who seeks strong emotions and looks for someone who also enjoys bathing in the chaos of their own feelings.

hoshi: he wants someone who connects with him on body, soul, and mind. he needs to be loved in the same way that he's willing to love, and the vastness of care he has to offer is unparalleled. hoshi seeks a love that can be embraced effortlessly and doesn't make him think that the grass is greener on the other side.

wonwoo: he wants to be loved by someone willing to know and accept all facets of his personality, even the bad ones. he's looking for someone with whom he can be vulnerable, genuine, and who understands him, or at least is willing to. someone with whom wonwoo can share life's joys, blessings, frustrations, and sorrows.

woozi: he wants to be loved in a balanced way, without the person placing excessive expectations on him. woozi desires a love where he feels encouraged to be the best version of himself always. additionally, he doesn't like to be pressured in the emotional aspect and seeks someone who's in tune with that.

dk: he wants to be loved in a way that highlights the best aspects of his personality. he's seeking a love that brings color and vibrancy into his life, someone who takes care of him, holds him while sleeping, and truly shows an appreciation for his personality. dk desires someone as organized and methodical as he is.

mingyu: he wants to be loved by someone as enthusiastic about the idea of love as he is. mingyu is romantic and affectionate; he wants to know everything about his partner and desires to feel that interest reciprocated. he seeks someone with whom he can develop hobbies and who stands by his side to discover new things while holding his hand.

minghao: he wants to be loved in a way that is fulfilling and respects the individuality of both in the relationship. at times, he seems to feel the need to be alone, and someone who understands this is crucial. minghao seeks someone who is secure in their relationship, demonstrates maturity, and is capable of living without him. he said NO to codependency.

seungkwan: he wants an electrifying love, one that's different from anything he's ever experienced. he wants to feel that his person is all he needs and to be everything she needs in return. a love without insecurities, without suspicions, that makes him feel life is lighter and more fun. seungkwan seeks someone who delicately cares for his heart and keeps him head over heels, even after a long time.

vernon: he wants someone to love him in a chaotic, intense, and fierce way. he's looking for a feeling of being swept into the eye of the storm, someone who makes his heart almost leap out of his chest. a person willing to laugh in the face of danger alongside him and who locks themselves into a world that belongs only to the two of them.

dino: he wants to be loved in a way that makes him feel valued for who he is. someone who shows this love primarily through a lot of quality time, acts of service, and plenty of physical affection. he desires a calm and healthy love where both feel they are walking together towards the future, without distractions or meaningless arguments.

* based on tarot

[sasukeless]

please don't kill me but genuine question about sns (disclaimer that i've only seen the anime, not read the manga, shameful ik): in shippuden, naruto's attachment to sasuke felt sooo forced to me at first because it looked extremely one-sided and i resented naruto a lot because he acted like sasuke was the same as he was before he left and was projecting/in denial rather than seeing sasuke as his own person with agency and who had different ideals/methods. Obviously things were put in a different light when we eventually learn about the indra and ashura, and the reincarnation/soulmate thingy but idk it never erased that first impression for me, despite sns connection being obvious at the end i still disliked naruto as a character. So would really appreciate your perspective on this!

lol i won’t kill you, it’s fine.

tbh i just think this all to me seems like you got stuck in early shippuden naruto characterization and like i cant remember how it’s in the anime (thankfully) but in the manga is pretty clear that.Yes, naruto attachment to sasuke looks one sided then and it is intentional!! kishimoto wrote that on purpose. same with naruto not being able to see that sasuke is different. i always joke a lot how at the beginning of part 2 naruto has deluded himself to believe sasuke leaving for orochimaru was almost like a kidnapping where he’s convinced he has to save sasuke like a damsel in distress from the tower he was locked in. which ofc while orochimaru basically groomed sasuke to seek him, sasuke still is not being held captive (and actually he’s planning to kill orochimaru and take his autonomy back). but the point is that Naruto starts to realizes he’s never gonna get sasuke back like that and after jiraiya’s death he understands a little more why sasuke would choose revenge too. idk why you mean by forced tho because to me naruto’s obsession w sasuke is one of the most natural thing to come from him. traumatizing kid latching himself to the first person that showed him love and refusing to let go it’s pretty realistic. imo this obsession also it’s what humanizes naruto the most. he wants to save sasuke because he doesn’t want sasuke to suffer but he also Needs to save sasuke because he’s pretty codependent on him emotionally and needs him by his side for his own goals and life to have meaning. it’s a pretty selfless and selfish trap he’s in.

back to the whole one sided thing. once again this is pretty intentional. kishimoto hides sasuke’s feelings for naruto, most of his arc in part 2 he only leaves small pieces here and there but nothing as grand because he wanted to make the big reveal at vote 2 where we finally get to know that sasuke had developed a similar attachment to naruto since childhood but deals with it completely different (since they have complete different perceptions of love). the whole point of this is that it should recontextualizes their entire dynamic again because now you’re aware the same feelings of yearning and love naruto had for sasuke that lead him to chase him for years and become unhealthy obsessed were mirrored by sasuke and because his different view of love this is why sasuke kept running away.

anyway idk if this will help or not but yeah i still recommend the manga

[urproblematicfav-ao3]

Hh ship chart for funsies.

I broke it up in otp/fav ships and notp/neutral so it looked less messy. Also i added otp morningstarcest to the notp page because its funnier and cuz luci ships are heavy on the not interesting for me lmao

+ ship propaganda/reasoning ↓

(cw incest and so on dd ass stuff)

So TRUE otps:

Charlastor, duh: First of all, DID WE WATCH THE SAME FUCKING PILOT??? (Ignore the series, they lobotomized alastors personality and charlie has the depth of a shoe box) This ship is so fucking versatile. We got redemption arc, corruption arc, some weird kind of middle ground arc. Dom mommy with a temper Charlie and mommy issue bratty sub Alastor. Shithead sadist daddy kink Alastor and baby girl princess Charlie with daddy issues. They both have strong personalities and are egotists with dreams bigger than themselves. They have so much in common without overshadowing their differences and the fascinating conflict they would go through as partners. Literally a fucking power couple for the ages. THERE WAS FUCKING LOVE SPARKLES SURROUNDING THEM IN THE PILOT!!! HE IMMEDIATELY STARTS TOUCHING HER AND TWIRLING HER AROUND LIKE HIS BABY. HE GRABS HER TITS IN THE SERIES!!!! I REST MY CASE FUCK YOU.

Radiohusk: similar pilot era thing. They have fantastic chemistry in the pilot. Literally every interaction they have is fucking hysterical. "Do you think I'm some kind of clown?!" "....Maybe!" Made me loose my mind back then. The whole petplay thing is both funny and has cute/sexy opportunities. And ample dead dove options as well. The idea that Alastor killed a fuckton of other Overlords but KEPT Husk is some codependent bullshit and I am absolutely here for it. They are peak grumpy x (demented)sunshine.

Ok normal I definitely ship this but its not legally the hill that I died on and then subsequently was sent to a insane asylum:

Moringstarcest: Only way I find Lucifer interesting HES SO BORING IN CANON MY GODDD. Even though I think the popular sentiment for this ship is like, dadcon perv Charlie. I prefer the more like, horrors child abuse version. I mean, daddy kink incest is popular for a reason and I'm mentally ill so. I think we can fuck with this really pretentious style by adding in the idea that Lucifer has an incestual relationship with God too. Cycles baby. Also Lucifer is King and he allows rape and child marriage in his court with the Goatia. I think its actually very inline with canon for him to want to keep the bloodline pure and fuck Charlie. Lilith's pussy is too loose after being the mother of all demons :/

Radiorose: If Alastor can't fuck his real mom, then by god he's fuckin his mother figure. Mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink. Rosie is hot and Alastor deserves to be babied and suck on some titties. Also complicated dynamic possibilities for Al to have. (I'm still ignoring the series. I saw the leaks and I'm doing what I always do and go nuh uh that didn't happen)

Radiodust: I mean its one of the classics. Its honestly heartbreaking how much this ship has been tossed aside since thr series came out(*cough*ra *cough*). I think Ed and Mike's chemistry is fucking unmatched. That era of sadist4sadist was iconic.

Valastor: Alastor and Val have almost the exact same view/method of power and abuse. I think if they just sat down and hanged out, outside of all the interpersonal drama of the vees that they'd get along really well.

Radiostatic: easy unrequited drama ship. Creepy Vox is fun, coy bitch Alastor is fun. I like unrequited!Al more than Vox but thats just a me thing. I like Vox's obsessiveness and if you're not playing it for comedy it has really interesting options. Long history together so theres good lore drama options and the complicated dynamic if someone you've known for like 50+ years.

Staticmoth. This...this feels obvious. I love them. I want them really REALLY old man married. Like, not honeymoon. But like they've been together for so fucking long that know each other perfectly and have a life built together. They're in their retirement home bingo era.

PolyVees: canon to me. Literally despise anyone who claims Velvette is their daughter. Its ok to just say you hate women. Though, I do ship Staticdoll more just cuz I think Vel would look cute fitting in Vox's big ass lap. Tall bitch.

RoyalHalo: Emily and Charlie are perfect for each other. Super cuties fem4fem moment. Perfect angel x demon dynamic. I NEED Charlie to top her so bad.

RadioJoy/Angelicsmile: Alastor is the king of corruption kink shit to me so obviously I'm shipping him with the other stupid cute woman. Emily and Charlie are so similar and I think Alastor would short circuit and fall for her immediately. Daddy needs a new angel with clipped wings for his basement.

Radioswanbelle(what I personally call it): Ok so. We take Charlastor. And that's great, we love that. Ok cool and then we take baby baby girl Emily and we gently shove her between them until they start spitroasting her like we're Finn in that one fucked up episode of adventure time. That mutual daddy/mommy kink thing Alastor and Charlie both have comes to fruition when they have a proper little in their lives. This ship is so fucking ddlg to me lmao

What are we even calling this. StaticHalo? PimpHalo? Whatever Emily x Vox and Emily x Val is: Idk this is just corruption kink. What if Vox and Val got to take turns on the fucked up angel that Alastor keeps in his basement. Thats it thats the ship.

ValMolly: I am of the very firm believe that if Val knew that Angel had a twin sister who was 10000x hotter and with bigger tits, that he'd fall to the ground and cry knowing he got the wrong one. Mafia princess deserves a fucked up pimp daddy.

ValAngel: the original problematic ship. They're literally canon and awful for each other. This is one of those ships where I'm like I trust you with my life to like 80% of the artists doing it. Especially Paranoid, he had that shit down perfectly.

AngelMolly: spiderincest spiderincest. Molly is the only pussy he'll willingly fuck. Niss vs Angel on who gets the sister pussy that week. Angel refuses to do incest porn for some reason tho.

Staticbelle: This is getting into some uhhh completely unfounded hc territory but I always thought that the whole 1950s Disney/Judy Garland vibe Charlie had in the pilot was literally foreshadowing for some kind of future dynamic between her and Vox. I think they're both deeply emotional, weird ass little stalker freak people and would cry and fuck a lot.

Radiostaticbelle: ok so what if we take the obvious batshit insane chemistry with charlastor and then mix it with the messy lost love dynamic in radiostatic. Alastor deserves to be in a poly relationship with the two people who love him most who are also both cucks.

ValCharlie: uhhhhhhh dumb princess gets dicked down. Thats it thats the ship. Also forced redemption arc. Also reminder that Charlie canonically drugs people so like. He'll never see it coming.

CharlieAngel: In Angel's prequel backstory comic, when Charlie's trying to get him to go to the hotel he says no and then she bribes him with money. Sugar momma Charlie is canon and Angel needs a new daddy.

VaggieAngel: I actually really like the old version where they were dating. I think they had a fun dynamic. Also Dyke4Fag, mutual non attraction is funny to me.

AlastorVaggie: he canonically slaps her ass in the pilot. WHAT MORE MUST I SAY.

Huskerdust: I'm gonna be so honest, I never was really into this even pilot era. I don't think its bad, it just never caught my attention. I do ship it tho, I ESPECIALLY adore the voxgrams. Its unbelievably adorable to me that Angel posts a peach drink and Husk immediately starts making peach cocktails. Also Husk showing up to bring him food and take him home is so sweet. Series huskerdust is...bad. I won't rant rn about it but I just really don't like that Husk genuinely hates Angel instead of being a tsudere and Angel's sexual harassment is treated like uwu said boi behavior. Anyway.

The secretly ships one are only secret because I don't like Lucifer in really any meaningful way so my interest in those ships are just like "eh. Its definitely something if I cared"

I also dont ship Mimzy and Al. It just does nothing for me tbh.

Now for the real notps and subsequent ranting.

Chaggie: if we're going pilot era, its Vaggie patronizing Charlie and being passively unsupportive of her goals and clearly being embarrassed to even be seen in public with her. I'd argue this version of them has the best chance of actually being a interesting ship, because it gives them room for conflict and subsequent grouth. But theres are sorta, idk, mean vibe incompatibility here. AND THEN THERES Series/"canon" version, Charlie is borderline abusive to Vaggie. She repeatedly pressures her into things she doesn't want to do, has an explicitly weird power dynamic with her that's framed as "romantic" (its not...? It could be, just...not the way they do it). Its deeply uncomfortable and really weird to watch. I genuinely think they'd be better off as friends.

Uhh Radioapple: this is more because of the over saturation. Its really. Really. Really popular in a way thats annoying. Kinda like a overplayed pop song. Also it just personally icks me out the way that a lot of ra shippers will woobify Lucifer and turn the like...actual racist microagression into cutesy nicknames(Luci basically calling Alastor The Help is weird). I don't like how Alastor behaves in a lot of ra dynamic, it feels extremely ooc to me. I still stand by radioapple being charlastor with extra steps and for yaoi fangirls still in stuck in that misogyny hating female characters phase. Theres def some ra that I do like, but its an all around Not For Me situation unless its coming from a special person who I like.

Anyway, as always I'm proship AF even if I don't like things for whatever reason. Y'all absolutely do what you want, idc at all. I just won't personally be into it or seek it out. I got enough other shit to be insane about lmao

[aftg-rot]

Andrew Minyard and Obsession ~

I have been having some thoughts about Andrew and his unhealthily intense protective nature over Kevin, and then Neil. His compulsive desire to be the keepers of Aaron and Nicky can be characterised - not entirely, but mostly - by the hyperfixation on finding family after being in the foster system for so long, but the possessiveness to the point of obsession with Kevin, and ultimately with Neil, is different. As Neil says when he was assigned to look after Kevin while Andrew was away, it is possible to do so without becoming his shadow. Neil was realistically achieving the same goals as Andrew, without being with Kevin 24/7.

Because Andrew himself does not seem to have any hobbies, creative outlets or interests that are notable, I like the idea that the intensity in which he follows Kevin and Neil around is his way out of his version of the mundane. Their intense dedication towards many things is enough to break his apathy towards everything. It could be a coincidence that for both Kevin and Neil, and in turn Andrew, it is Exy. In another time and space, it could have been two different things for the two boys. Possibly, in reality Kevin and Neil are right and there is no way that Andrew can be that good at something without having some form of fascination with the sport he "does not care about." But the main factor is that both of them WANT something. They have a deep and contagious passion, they have an underlying drive for their feelings and actions, something Andrew does not have. 

Andrew, whether it is a lingering result of the medication, a trauma response, or simply who he is as a person, feels he cannot connect on any level with anyone else. The only connection he has with Aaron and Nicky is their family relationship, and shared history, but aside from that there is no emotional bond or healthy attachment. Andrew has latched onto Kevin and Neil's want and drive because it was a nice reprieve from the indifference, or a subtle lesson in what wanting and needing feels like. 

Falling for Neil and "wanting" him was probably the first developed emotional connection that Andrew had felt in a long time, with only Kevin's obsessive drive for Exy being a suitable substitute. Andrew's insulting of Neil every time he shows his true single mindedness towards Exy is very rarely said with malice, because deep down, Andrew either appreciates Neil's skill to remain driven during times of trauma, or is envious of both Neil and Kevin's ability to have such a force in their lives that makes it worth something.

It is mentioned that Neil offers Andrew his obsession to hold Andrew over until he finds one of his own, but I really think that is what happens. But not just his obsession with Exy, but both Kevin and Neil's ability to persevere and connect with other people, in both positive and negative ways despite what has happened to them. Andrew's codependent way of interacting with specific people is his way of attempting to fit in with the world around him emotionally, and co-opting his closest relationships' interests and obsessions is a method of connecting in an interpersonal way.

[codename-adler]

My AFTG take is that I'm actually baffled by how little people see the Riko/Kevin dynamic as having a sexual undertone. Like they were romantically involved in previous drafts of the story and for me it shows? And I don't even mean as they necessarily being exes or even an unrequited love situation, I just think Riko comes off as someone who feels entitled to ALL of Kevin. They are sooooo toxic codependent teen girl friendship to me.

(prefacing this by, again, admitting to not reading the EC. it's starting to feel a lil shameful in here... but i'm stubborn like my mama (she's actually not, that's just what the father says) so i'm still putting that off for as long as i can)

you is absolutely right. it's not a coincidence AFTG's antagonist is a man who has no concept of boundaries whatsoever, and that the main characters, and main couple, are people who have been severely hurt and traumatized by others disregarding their boundaries. it's the whole goddamn shtick of the story.

Riko knows no limits. i don't even believe he knows he can, and should, have his own. "no," "stop," "too much," "wrong," and "boundaries" are simply not part of his vocabulary, and i mean that. these words mean nothing, represent nothing; they're completely foreign, because he hasn't been taught, hasn't been shown, what their meaning is. nobody ever told him no, but nobody ever heard his no either. nobody ever told him to stop, but nobody ever stopped when he told them either. so when you give him a team, when you give him a toy, a pet, a companion, it's only natural he does unto them what he's only ever known. and i'm not saying that to take away his responsibility, to pity him. i'm trying to articulate how genuinely he believes he has access to another person. Riko is terrifying because he truly knows no limits. he cannot be taught. he cannot be changed, persuaded, helped. not in the short time the story unfolds. everything is happening so fast, Riko is so unrelenting, the threats are coming from everywhere and taking Riko in, helping him and undoing his toxic psyche is just not a viable option.

and so with Kevin... Kevin being the only remnant of normalcy and good Riko has been allowed to keep from his childhood? but Kevin refusing to be the way Riko is? it's an exposed, raw nerve begging to be pulled. does Riko keep digging deeper into his monstrous self in the hopes to corrupt Kevin? or is to force Kevin to watch and hope, despite all, that he'll still stand by his side and love him? Kevin does not know how deep his claws are buried into Riko. he doesn't even know he has claws, and much less powerful enough to grip the entity that is Riko. but Riko knows. imagine being a limitless man whose one thing holding him back isn't even aware it's doing so. imagine having the one thing you could consider your other half not giving his all like you do in everything. you go mad. and you don't care. you go all the way, because it's the only way you know how to do anything.

the lines from psychological violence and manipulation to physical violence to sexual violence are only lines to us. to Riko it's all a blur of the same thing. to Riko it's not even violence, it's the natural way things go. they're not "new" methods of torture; if one goes, anything goes, it's only a matter of what is available to him in the moment. everything is dark, everything is toxic, everything is pain.

"Riko comes off as someone who feels entitled to ALL of Kevin."

yes. that's exactly it. you cannot reason with him why certain things he is not allowed to have when Kevin has given him other parts of himself. why couldn't he touch Kevin like this when Kevin has given him his game? why couldn't he be allowed to have Kevin like this when they share a locker room and public showers? why could Thea kiss him just so and make him moan like that and not him? Riko does not know the difference. does not understand the intricacies, does not see the nuances. his world is divided in this is mine and this isn't mine yet.

and Kevin. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. a childhood with Riko and a passion for the game is not enough to justify the tension he's got with Riko. but that's the Nest for you. it's not called a cult for nothing. the tension tumbling into sex or sexual is inevitable. Riko managed to break Kevin's mind, break his game, his body. all that Kevin can get back with the Foxes. but a broken heart? a broken intimacy? only Riko has that powerful hold on Kevin. only him could potentially heal Kevin. but the thing is, he doesn't see those things as broken. they're simply done, and his.

Andrew's promise to Kevin wasn't to physically take on the Moriyamas. it was to push Riko out of his head when things got hard. Riko is so deeply embedded into Kevin's being, his veins, his stomach, his back, his tighs, his hands, his eyes, his neck, his chest. Riko is so much part of Kevin that Kevin himself starts to fade, and when his feet take him back towards Evermore, it's not because Riko's voice convinced him to, it's because Riko is in Kevin, and Riko belongs in the Nest. that is what Andrew has to protect Kevin against. that is the job he's been dealt: untangle Riko from Kevin.

[itsdrawingmen]

Random Zen hedcanons:

From the time he 'almost died' in a motorcycle accident, he has a bone in his right leg that healed wonky. It usually doesn't bother him much, but very slight overexertion, and it starts causing him pain (like Little Mermaid stepping on knives typa situation). Doctors say it isn't dangerous, he just has to be gentle with it. Guess who isn't gentle with it and powers through hours upon hours of dancing through pain.

Has insanely high pain tolerance.

He's albinistic, and all of his life has been considered 'exotic', resulting in the 'special treatment' he has been getting. Thanks to the early interventions provided by his family of successful people, his vision has been mostly unimpaired, as for the general health, he massively lucked out. But he's bound to feel the effects of his combined condition and lifestyle fairly soon.

Unlike Saeyoung, he actually much prefers to be called Zen, including by friends and lovers. The name is the one he chose for himself, signifying his life is his. 'Hyun' is loaded with too many bad memories for him to ever be fully comfortable with it. He will probably officially change it.

His narcissism is his desperate attempt at fixing his crippling feeling of inadequacy, which dictates basically his entire life. Without this mechanism, he is extremely dependent on external validation, and any minor rejection causes his entite identity to crumble. Him overworking himself and paying no mind to his health are something of a socially acceptable self-harm method: he must do anything it takes to be liked at all times.

Addiction runs in his family, in forms of various social acceptability. This boy's workaholism is not cute and NOT harmless. He's been tempted to try drugs to keep up his performance, but managed to refrain (even though his many acquaintances from his teenage delinquent days did NOT help). For the same reason, he also has inclinations towards codependency.

He actually has very few clothes, but he has learned to style them differently to always look like a new outfit. He also LOVES thrift shopping. He rarely buys, being very picky of quality and fit, but he does a lot of trying on and gets inspiration for new outfit ideas.

He can fight, and he knows where to hit, but he has learned that the correct tactic is to hit and run.

As a boy, he's been used by older thugs, which is a big part of why he never accepts any help in his life and prefers to do everything on his own. He has learned the hard way that help comes with strings attached.

His outlook on masculinity is also greatly informed by his delinquent years (and having been molested and assaulted back then), and this is something that takes him a while to unlearn.

He's bi, he knows it, and is trying his best to forget. He's had the absolute worst godawful experience with men. His first real broken heart was another teenage delinquent (he lost his virginity to him, too, in a very power-imbalanced and dubiously consensual situation, so it was a mess). He was forced and harassed by adult men as a boy. He's been hit on pretty aggressively by women too, but it never got as bad or dangerous as the men. In general, in his tender age, his relationships with males were always too adult, too sexual, and not emotional and warm enough (which is sort of expected in gangs, where any hint of deviation from traditional heterosexual masculinity, or being seen as anyhow 'emasculated' could have you dead). Besides, he was always younger and more vulnerable. He's very wary of men because of that, and pretty internalized-homophobic.

He has the UGLIEST snorting contagious laugh, he sounds like a seagull, like a rusty door hinge, like a car horn, like a hydraulic press. His laugh is funnier than any jokes.

[incesthemes]

i would like to think that sam saying he wouldn't stoop to dean's level of crazy codependency if the situations were reversed in 9.13 have in part something to do with the fact that sam has failed over and over again at saving dean when he does try dean's methods. he couldn't find a way to bring him back before john sacrificed himself in 2.01; he couldn't make a deal with a crossroads demon after dean went to hell; he couldn't prevent his deaths in mystery spot.

on the flip side, dean's insane resurrection techniques almost always work. sam is the only one who fails in this regard: he tries it dean's way, and he still loses his brother. and maybe that's just made him more complacent. it doesn't matter the lengths he would go to save dean, because nothing he can do with his own power can actually save him. why bother trying when he isn't strong enough?

—is maybe a little dramatic, but there is a marked difference in the way dean does manage to save sam time and time again, and sam can't do the same in return. up to this point, sam has only once prevented dean's certain death (faith); every other attempt has been a huge failure. maybe there's an element of learned helplessness there in the approach they take. if dean never fails, then he never learns to let go. sam, on the other hand, has had nothing but failures, and he's had to let go more times than anyone could imagine. there's a fundamental difference in experience here.

of course it also has to do with agency and independence, but i've been thinking about this a lot because early seasons sam really is just as crazy as dean is about keeping his brother alive; the difference at its core is that dean succeeds, and sam fails. and then over time, sam more or less stops trying so hard and focuses on just letting go. and maybe that difference in experience and mindset toward death has helped to shape sam's perspective on this hypothetical. sam can let go because he's already had to several times. dean hasn't had those experiences. they're not the same.

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Idea #95: DA: TV, but make it different first meeting

Sometimes I have terrible fic ideas. Other times terrible fic ideas have me, leaping out of my subconscious when I'm trying to fall asleep and shaking me until I get out bed and try to do something with it. Like this one.

Or: In which the passing thought I'd have liked to have had playable origins for DA:TV turned into What if Rook had been imprisoned in the Ossuary with Lucanis pre-DA:TV?

aka the 'Til It's Daylight fic

Just imagine it:

Rook is born Lucretia Mercar - or, rather, she’s found only hours after birth on a battlefield in the north of Tevinter, without a sign of who her birth parents were or where every might have gone. She’s taken in by the solider who finds her - an older NCO by the name of Valentinian, who raises her in as much comfort as one can expect in a military camp and names her Lucretia after his beloved older sister, who died the previous year in Seheron.

Valentinian Mercar comes from an old military family - one with just enough linage to have weight, but long enough without magic to have minimal influence. He is, however, a good man. Gruff and sometimes uncertain what to do with a young daughter, but kind. Caring. Generous. Good to the men under his command and the slaves who serve the camp. Hates abuses of power. Loathes corruption. He is as good a man to ever come out of Tevinter - with the exception that he believes whole-heartedly in human superiority and the restoration of the Empire.

When Lucretia shows signs of magic, Valentinian is thrilled and sends her off to Minrathous to the best apprenticeship he can manage for her. She spends most of her teenage years away from home, studying - and becoming increasingly radicalized after hearing anti-slavery speeches by Magister Dorian Pavus and his ilk. This leads to many arguments with her father on the rare occasions they see each other.

Lucretia comes home for the winter holidays in the last year of her apprenticeship. She expects disagreements over her position on slavery over dinner; she does not expect for her father to have summoned his Venatori friends to help her see the error of her ways.

The Venatori attempt to reeducate Lucretia. When their initial intimidation attempts fail, she’s taken to one of their facilities - and when those attempts only steel her resolve, she’s taken to the Ossuary where she can be of use.

As it turns out, while you can force a demon into a non-mage with some effort, a mage has to allow themselves to be possessed. They can be tricked or tortured into it, but you can’t just stuff one inside them against their will. So when their new method of creating abominations fails, the Venatori go back to basics.

After about four months of this, Lucretia is tired. Her strength is failing. As much as she doesn't want to give the Venatori the satisfaction, she doesn't think she can hold out for much longer.

This is when she's visited by a Spirit of Purpose - or what seems to be a Spirit of Purpose anyway. It offers her freedom in exchange for possession, which is a deal Lucretia is no longer strong enough to refuse...

...but their jailbreak goes poorly until they stumble upon the cell of an Antivan Crow whose mind hasn't been subsumed by his demon. With Lucanis' help, they're able kill all the Venatori in the Ossuary along with their surviving experiments.

This is where I imagine the real thrust of fic beginning.

Though free of their cells, Lucretia and Lucanis are trapped in the Ossuary until the next supply ship arrives in three weeks time, as the prison can only be opened from the outside. They spend those three weeks exploring the prison, attempting to heal, and falling in to that sort of codependency that only comes from being offered a kind touch for the first time in nearly a year. To say nothing of the fact that they are each other's only support system - Lucretia keeps Lucanis and Spite level, and when she breaks down he does the same for her and Purpose. There's nothing romantic about things at this stage, but there is something verging on the dangerously obsessive, and if they'd been left to their own devices for much longer things might've become terribly unhealthy for the both of them.

Three weeks of eating real food and sleeping in real beds (well, one bed, partly for warmth and protection, partly because of nightmares and touch starvation) does wonders. Overpowering the Venatori supply ship goes much more smoothly than the rest of the jailbreak.

They manage to scuttle the supply ship near Afsaana on the Rialto Bay and catch a proper ride back to Treviso.

Caterina is thrilled enough to have her grandson returned that she doesn't question his relationship with Lucretia - at first. After a few weeks it becomes clear that Lucanis' experiences in the Ossuary have changed him and that Lucretia's presence is - in her mind - keeping him from healing. She encourages Lucanis to send Lucretia away, which Lucanis naturally refuses.

The situation between Lucanis and his grandmother is approaching untenable when Varric and Harding show up, asking for the Crows' help taking down a powerful ancient elven god going by the name of Solas before he can tear down he Veil. Caterina refuses to help them, thinking them mad and their terms not worth playing along, but Lucanis agrees to help them, walking away from his position as heir to the First Talon to do so.

And so Lucanis and Lucretia join what will eventually become the Veilguard c. 9:50, two years before the events of the game.

Lucretia at first is considered something of a tag along - she had, after all, been just shy of completing her apprenticeship when captured, has no useful contacts, and retains just enough of her Venatori-adjacent upbringing to be leery of the idea of ancient elven gods having been more powerful predecessors of Tevinter magisters, if they existed at all. But she quickly makes herself an integral part of the team, having a strategic mind and charismatic personality that helps her become Varric's second in command as she matures.

The next two years are a series of cat-and-mouse adventures, Varric and his team hot on the heals of Solas across the length of breadth of Thedas as he tries to gather what he needs to tear down the Veil. Dealer's choice on details, but at least one of these instances should involve Lucanis getting in what should be a fatal strike, but whether because ancient elves are hardier or because gods can only be killed with lyrium daggers, Solas survives.

Come 9:52, Solas has everything he needs to tear down the Veil...

The events of DA:TV follow canon, with some exceptions.

The Spirit of Purpose in Lucretia - who has been called Rook for being almost but not quite a crow since Varric took her and Lucanis on - keeps Solas from tricking her with blood magic, but still allows for a connection to be formed between them. Instead of trying to turn Rook into someone who can replace him in Fade Jail, he tries to radicalize the Purpose within her to do whatever is necessary to stop the gods - include release Solas of her own accord.

Canon proceeds apace - albeit it with major changes to the Crow storyline, with Lucanis being redeemed in his grandmother's eyes for ending the Antaam occupation and revealing Ivenci's betrayal of the city. (Dealer's choice how much this redemption is wanted - and how much of a part Caterina played in allowing Illario to have him kidnapped to ensure Lucanis was molded into the proper heir.)

After losing two companions defeating Ghilan'nain, Rook reluctantly releases Solas from his prison to help them defeat Elgar'nan. Which he does, failing to inform the rest that this will allow for the destruction of the Veil...

...but Rook has been expecting betrayal from Solas - and is willing to do (almost) anything necessary to achieve her purpose, including convince him to tie his life-force to the Veil when all she really wants to do is put her knife through his throat.

Thus ends the Sixth Blight... but no part of Thedas is untouched. There is much rebuilding to be done. Rook and Lucanis focus much of their efforts on Kirkwall in Varric's memory, as neither has any strong desire to return to their homelands. Aveline, eager to return to her position in the guard, eventually pushes the role of Viscount on them both, claiming Varric named them his heirs.... but that is another story.

Bonuses include:

Dealing with the realities of torture, imprisonment, betrayal, and possession. Neither Rook nor Lucanis should be in a good place when they escape the Ossuary. It should take a lot of effort - physical, mental, and emotional - to get them to a place where their relationship could be called healthy, and there should be a lot of false starts and backsliding. They're the only ones that understand what they went through... but sometimes that very closeness makes it impossible for them to help each other. But what began through circumstance eventually turns into solid relationship built on seeing each other at their worst and watching them choose not to be the worst version of themselves every day thereafter.

Navigating a relationship made up of a mage, a demon, a spirit, and an assassin with two bodies and one unwilling procession between them. Especially when not all parties are able to talk to each other at the same time. (This should be made somewhat more interesting by Spite and Purpose being the Fade equivalent of close kin, as Spite is corrupted Determination, which is the "first cousin" of Purpose.)

Some kind of closure for Rook and her adoptive father. Maybe Valentinian gets a redemption arc, realizing just how bad the Venatori are after their "reeducation" presumably leads the to the death of his beloved daughter. Maybe he doubles down on the Kool-aid and thinks to kill his daughter himself out of shame for her betrayal of Tevinter. Dealer's choice.

Nobody is perfect. Rook, for all her anti-slavery tendencies, still needs to work her way through some of her Venatori-adjacent upbringing. The Crows may have (theoretically) moved beyond purchasing slaves and beating recruits occasionally to death, but their training methods are still firmly in the spare the rod, spoil the child camp. The Danish and city elves view each other with suspicion, but both are leery of Tevinter mages. Varric still feels betrayed by Anders and Justice's choice to blow up the Kirkwall Chantry and sometimes this bubbles over onto Rook, Lucanis, and their spirits; &c.

And at least one completely meaningless side quest along the lines of DA:I's shards. Rook especially should become obsessive about collecting every single one of whatever it is, even after it becomes clear that whatever it is won't help them with Solas. Just because you have a purpose doesn't mean it's good or useful, after all...

And that's it. A little front-heavy on the background, but what can you do? As always, feel free to adopt this bun. Just link back if you chose to do anything with it.

More DA Ideas | More Terrible Fic Ideas

[momoliee]

Watching, fruits basket, i surprisingly didnt have a favorite ship or care for the romance at all.

rather, i was more invested in the toxic abusive family and all the ways the characters dealt with their trauma and how they’ve overcome it at the end.

starting with the more ‘obvious’ trauma, aka kyo, basically being the black sheep of the family and dealing with it by becoming someone who constantly runs away, only sees himself, and whose whole survival revolves around protecting himself first and foremost even if his methods were harmful to others. which is, obviously, understandable and valid considering how no one was there for him and everyone was against him, so whom does he have but himself? if he wont fight tooth and nail to protect himself then who will?

then there’s yuki, whose trauma was on the very opposite extreme end of the scale. he was placed at higher threshold than anyone; however, he enjoyed none of the supposed benefits as he was isolated and abused and tortured in private without anyone knowing. he wasnt allowed to have any friends, he wasnt allowed to associate with anyone, and he was the one closest to the abuser and was the abuser’s main vessel of venting, a literal punching bag. he bore most of the bruises in the family, and as a result, became distant and cold and a bit dissociated. his healing arc honestly healed me personally, seeing him get comfortable with being vulnerable, opening up, reaching out and most importantly, forming meaningful bonds with those around him. it was very precious.

there were characters like rin, who couldnt handle any of it and crumbled more easily than the rest of the characters, who at the end, wasnt able to forgive their abuser even when everyone else did. and there were characters like momiji, who were stronger than the rest, who bared with it all head on and as bravely as possible, who broke away first with their strong will and resilience, who forgave fastest too. there were characters like a-ya, who just wanted to escape and leave and be free even if it came at the expanse of others, even if someone else had to take their place and suffer in their stead. which again, is valid, but i loved that he grew stronger and felt guilty with time, and made sure to come back and atone for his actions even if it was too late, he still wanted to give it a go. and of course, there were characters like haru, who were the naturally kind and noble heros, ready to suffer at other people’s stead, ready to fight for others even if they’ll receive a backlash, ready to take care of others even when they’re receiving the same abuse. there were characters like hatori, who became totally apathetic and uncaring, easily accepting and passive, and on the opposite end there were characters like shigure, who developed a fucked up complex and codependent attachment to their abuser. there were characters like kureno, whom even tho they had the choice to leave, they still stayed out of pity and kindness, and characters like hiro, who gave no fucks from the beginning and wanted to leave cause what’s wrong is wrong, pity or no pity.

what im trying to say is, they were all stuck in the same abusive family, they were all VICTIMS of domestic violence and terror, yet they all took it differently, coped with it differently, and healed from it differently. and what makes this even more interesting, is how accurate each character depiction was, and how all these personas really do exist in real life. other than haru, none of them helped each other or stood up for the other, but then again, they were all victims doing their best to survive a terrifying environment. they were all very brave for doing so.

im happy that torhu gave them a healthier home where the idea of family was safer and more fun, where they could have fun together instead of dreading seeing each other. i do believe that each and every single one of them saved their own self, but tohru definitely gave them the space and place to do so, which was exactly what they needed

[pinkmandias]

i was sifting through a bunch of jesse hate (for an edit not bc i’m obsessed😭) and the gist of what i got was just. a willful misunderstanding of his character, his trauma, and his naivety/innocence in regards to his age/the power imbalance present within his relationship with walt and like. almost everyone else on the show.

obviously all of the people that loathe him and have paragraphs upon paragraphs of misinterpretations & simplifications of his arc to spew online are all people that love & identify with walter (surprise surprise), but i feel like it’s also so very reminiscent of the shit i noticed these last two years with certain media where a large portion of audience is both too stupid to recognize nuances present in writing & leans heavily on their confirmation bias.

and on that note, what was not shocking to me was how many of these complaints could be boiled down to him getting in walt’s way, making things more difficult for walt, or subverting walt’s authority. it’s incredibly similar to the hatred for skyler that has only recently begun to taper off (or at least take different forms or been redirected to other characters - like jane). jesse shares significantly more similarities with female characters in brba than any male character, and i think it’s only because he is not a woman (whereas skyler is) that jesse hate was not more prevalent while the show was airing/i see more of it now than ever.

jesse is a pussy, he’s a little bitch, he’s weak, he cries too much - because it’s not “manly” for him to feel remorse and to be destroyed by guilt. when he self destructs it’s selfish and when he lashes out he’s ungrateful. never mind the fact that he has been through more than enough to deeply traumatize even the most well adjusted individual by s3, much less at the end of his captivity by s5. with no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to comfort him. he’s neglected time and time again by the man who, from the very beginning, violated & disrespected his boundaries, his belongings, his personal life, his home, his time & has (both intentionally and unintentionally) methodically chipped away at any meaningful relationship jesse had or could have & left him with nothing but Him, nurturing a deadly codependency. he has at least two members of walt’s family being projected onto him as well as the role of a student & business partner. perfect obedience & perfect fulfillment of these roles is expected, but not praised.

would you not also be a little bitchy sometimes? do impulsive & risky things to gain attention or love or some semblance of power in your otherwise powerless life? would you not fall prey to fleeting affection given by a dying man (with the same sickness as your late aunt that you shared a home with and loved so dearly that you spent her remaining time on this earth by her side, taking care of her) when that affection is so heady? when you have nothing and no one else??

it always circles back around to “he knew what he was getting into”, “he deserved xyz”, “he could have stopped at any time”, and “why didn’t he just leave” - just like with skyler. i don’t think i have to explain why those comments are so disturbing & i don’t think it’s difficult at all to understand why he cries or bitches so much…

anyway, i’ll conclude this post with these quotes because i think it says a lot that the only character vince remembers the audience hating so much is skyler -