#seabornsystem

[melodiccudgels]

giant ass piece for my school arts magazine!

i took a lot of inspiration from a lot of sources, for one the marina & the diamonds song Oh No! which holds a very personal connection for me. 

another inspiration for this, and just in general was @seabornsystem ! their art has been something i hold pretty dear and i am always in awe of their work and im very happy and excited to be showing them this <3

my mac has such bad color quality rip

[lesbitchka]

I went to the gay+lesbian night at this bar for the second time tonight and I didn't think I'd be the Useless Lesbian type but I couldn't even say hi to this other group of butches that was there. like damnit I just want to make friends and YET

aw next time!

[spacialdecay]

this is my callout for @seabornsystem

[glassdemons]

if yr still accepting faces hmu with that A3 widow but if not then HMM! don't worry

this is a personal favourite thank you 

[nerdgasrnz]

PLEASE FOLLOW OLI @SSOMBRA SHES THE ULTIMATE MUTUAL WITH GOOD FUCKIN CONTENT

I DID THE THING

[shock]

jj what did it feel like with the schizophrenia onset vs the system

the thing with schizophrenia and DID (dissociative identity disorder) is that psychotic disorders and DID (even other dissociative disorders) are commonly comorbid and a lot of things that happen in those disorders overlap. 

disclaimer: for anyone reading this, my only stake in this is that i have them and can explain what it’s like for me to live with them, not that i can diagnose you! 

- my first psychiatrist said that usually one notable difference is auditory hallucinations with schizophrenia are external, while with DID they’re internal. i’m someone who experiences both - the voices of my alters, as well as nameless voices that are NOT alters. 

- people with schizophrenia more commonly have visual hallucinations, while DID ‘hallucinations’ are closer to what you’d think of as flashbacks, being trapped in memories, essentially PTSD. i experience both - so, i know from talking to some of my alters that we all visually hallucinate, but the range of those hallucinations is very wide. i see people who talk to me who are NOT my alters. but i also see my alters inside of my head. i’ve seen visions of my alters just a few times, but they’re not actually them.

- every alter has a different perception of reality, but having schizophrenia makes that even harder. most of the people with DID without psychosis, in my experience, can interact with the world as a real and concrete thing and do well with ‘reality testing’ when tested as one singular rather than a whole (ie, the host might have an excellent grasp on reality and the world). however, in my case, none of us scan well on reality testing. myself included. i am almost constantly on edge because of it. 

- every alter i’ve spoken to has delusions. this really depends on the kind of person my alters are, as my delusions are usually (but not always) very different from my other alters. we are all impacted by my paranoid schizophrenia in different ways. there is not one single alter who doesn’t experience it. it’s part of my brain chemistry.

- both psychotic and dissociative disorders have been shown to be linked to trauma and PTSD, so the idea of having both isn’t ridiculously farfetched. most people who have one have the other at some point in their lives, from what i’ve seen from all of my friends/groups/therapy.

in my case, the onset of them was mostly... i have had DID since i was only a few years old. i didn’t really recognize what it was until i had other friends who had already mostly come to terms with it who were waiting on me to understand myself.

(mine is... very obvious if you know what to look for, apparently. i was really surprised to hear that when i switch, my pupils dilate differently, my body heat changes, lots of other stuff). i started having serious behavioral issues unrelated specifically to DID - which is usually how schizophrenia first crops up in younger people.

i’d always had some strange issues because of my DID (which i didn’t really understand that i had until my mid-late teens) that i didn’t really know about except people would tell me heaps of stories i never remembered about all sorts of kinds of events, but i was having what can only be called psychotic breaks unrelated to said DID at 13, 14, 15, 16 - and they got worse with the abuse i was experiencing at those times. 

it’s very hard to differentiate, i’ve known a couple people with psychosis who have similar altered conscious states you’d see similarly in DID, personality breaks (except the biggest difference is these personality breaks usually don’t... create entire identities, or come back the exact same way twice. i’ve had some.) and the sort of incomplete amnesia that comes with fractured reality.  

and as far as i’ve seen (undocumented) with myself and other people, anti-psychotic medication often makes it harder to ‘switch’, which makes me think of other possible links that could exist between psychosis and DID. but that’s mostly all i can think of right now! 

[wengoku]

we can hate moira together i dont want that BitCh anywhere near gabe or amelie. or sombra. OR AKANDE. LEAVE. OUT

RIGHT like we had a perfect system of Evil Hotties Of Color and moira just came and ruined it. she’s so disappointing like having a talon healer who was former blackwatch should have been the highlight of this season but im jus -_-

[dare-i-say-asexual]

someone asks felix abt why he knows so much about history and he starts banging out a rant about how history is there for those who want to look and how history is important and points to all the things that sigilry and summoning have in common and how they work together (which is something he ends up diverting to every time just cause he loves it so much) and the asker is just kind of lost as felix goes off abt how every culture has different approaches to the subject as per writing systems

thats hashtag CANON ICHORSPRITE LORE, BABE

--

I WILL PROTECT FELIX WITH MY FUCKING LIFE

[lesedacondyvidi]

you give off an UNEARTHLY EMPTY GREY vibe

I like the UNEARTHLY and EMPTY part.

[araneaserket]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALLIE!!!!!!

THANK U SO MUCH!!!!

[silentiumlitwicks]

2 3 9 12 20 39

you sent two asks so there all in this one

2. what was life like in the early days of realising you were more-than-one?

Really bad i was desperately trying to repress it more than before i knew what it was. i lost a lot of time because everyone who was present was desperate to interact with the world freely and there’s just weeks that i don’t have any memory of even though it was nothing i wasn’t used to, being aware of it made it a lot worse. com6ing to terms with the fact this started when i was 5 was hard too because i never accepted it until after i was aware of what it really was when i was 16

3. Describe the funniest thing you’ve seen happen between two alters.

Definitely Back when Teribot formed and roxy and terezi were fighting like children and terezi went out of her way and taught teribot to say yiff and think her purpose was to collect a database on the different crunches dry leaves make so Roxy and terezi got in a fight with dildos, i still don’t think they get along. 

but the cranberry sauce thing between me and terezi is a close second followed by “Terezi im gay” “shut the fuck up scourj im trying to die”

9. Describe what happened when an unusual fronter had a day in the limelight.

i wanted to go with the day Guzma wrote an essay about planned parenthood being important and listening to africa for 10 hours straight but. I really have to go with that week with lapis because i cant pin it down all to one day but its all important.

Im really sorry but when she roasted you for 3 days straight about your constant avoidance and everything wrong in our relationship, kept us emotionally stable and passed all our exams all while realizing she stems from our fear of drowning/ being submerged in water because of tortuous shit my bio sister did when i was young. i really envy her ability to remain calm even when she knows it would be ok to be emotional over it and complete important tasks.

12. Do you have any introjects (fictives/factives)? How are they similar to their source? How do they differ?

When it comes down to actual honest to god fictives? not just alters adopting an id because they can’t make their own image? 

Only Joey,Centi,Nebby, and Marceline!

I used to say Amethyst Otherdot and Terezi but they really aren’t, they’re just their face claims!

the four above are the only ones who truly genuinely believe that’s who they are and they couldn’t be anything else if they tried, they all seem heavily connected to their “canon” except nebby with a  weird exception of learning to talk. remember “lucio is a god”? yeah nebby 

Nebby used to not speak and only make sounds when fronting.

uh no factives though.

15. Describe some of the kids!

Rylyn: always going though That 10 year old edgy/emo phase always listening to punk and metal and literally wearing a MCR shirt in the headspace. would probably ask you your blood type and try to steal your social security information

Beth: the meek shy abide by all rules kid. Constantly tattling about something rylyn did to any adult alter that will listen. She enjoys quiet and reading scientific articles and sometimes anthropology.

Sora: really loud and creative, super expressive and active. loves climbing no matter what she climbs is. Very protective of her twin alter Selene.

Selene: Sora’s Mute twin who communicates through doodling and body language. she may be quiet but she is just as active and rambunctious as her sister.

Scourj+Anarcy: two more twin alters that i don't remember when they split or why. they're what happen if you let 7 year olds watch stuff like supernatural, CSI, and law and order. They do not get along with each other unless their trying to burn a crudely made effigy (do not ask)

Jo: the clingy one, extremely picky with food and the most likely to throw a fit if they don't get what they want.

Vinny: the hyperactive fast talker. she made herself a peridot oc to use as her identity. definitely the the original character do not steal kid with the questionable technicolor cat ocs. let kids have their fun though, it hurts no one.

Lucio: named himself after lucio from overwatch, just a really sweet kindhearted kid who wants to do anything he can to try to improve the world.

18. Elegant, suave, refined. Who did I just describe? 

I'm not entirely sure? i think maybe Dianne or Bea (blessed pearl) neither of them front much or interact with me often so im not really sure but everyone else is a disaster.

20. Angry, spitfire, vicious. Who did I just describe?

Ruby to the core she really stems from an inability to express anger properly without it turning into sadness or apathy. she lets it out but tries hard not to be destructive. She used to be pretty ruthless to other people and had to spend some time barred from the front until she could learn to know when to stop on her own.

22. Free-spirited, active, protective. Who did I just describe?

Marceline, she does what she wants within reason without a care about what someone else thinks. mostly reliable when something bad is happening and does what she can to keep us from harm, unsure if active means like constantly moving or fronting a lot but both fit, she really loves going for walks to clear her mind and listen to jams.

33. Describe what switching fronts feels like.

sometimes a sudden cutoff and everything goes black the body has a like minor spasm  followed by a few seconds to a minute of staring and blinking before who ever switched in is fully there.

39. What’s something you’ve managed to create as a team?

i honestly only can think of Me terzi and mae’s vent pages in a notebook full of doodles about what's bothering and fucking with us 

there is an old like system wide pic that never got finished that me, cal, and terezi started.

that's really it because my memory is bad and we haven't communicated well since the move.... 

WAIT FUCK THE TINY MS PAINT PIXELS OF EVERYONE 

they're not done but we all work on it

[omahdon]

Comic dub of an Overwatch fancomic by @dogtit - featuring the voices of @totalspiffage as Tracer and Widowmaker, Tiana Camacho as Mercy, @hnilmik as Sombra, @dreamwalkertara as "Emily"/the Siren (lead vocals), @seabornsystem as the Siren (backup vocals A) and @dogtit as the Siren (backup vocals B)! All right, normally I have some commentary here, but Imma save it for the last part of this chapter. Fun fact: I hate anything dealing with water in sound design so this was an absolute HOOT to mix hahahahahahahagrosssobbing

If you enjoyed that, why not watch some of my other comic dubs?

[spacialdecay]

seabornsystem replied to your post “Just a reminder that I really fucking hate Vriska!!!!”

I'd punch me in the throat too what the fuck!!!!!!!!

i didnt mean u!!!!!

[glassdemons]

seabornsystem replied to your post: *rips off shirt*  IT’S BELPHEGOR’S BORTHDAY

I’ve only ever seen your art so an actual anime screencap gave me whiplash

to be fair i still made that edit myself

[centaurself]

SAMMYS GOT MITTENS (commish by @seabornsystem)

[interstellarcanid-deactivated]

rules: tag 9 people you want to know better or just because you feel like it.

tagged by @icksie !! thank you!!!!

relationship status: bbrbbgggh i am…. very single but Love Is Weird. id rather be In Love with my Friends

favorite color: pink or blue tbh 🤔

lipstick or chapstick: NO BAD. leave my lips Alone with the Grease

book i’m reading: most actively narnia + keys to the kingdom but i also just finished a reread of the little prince!

last song i listened to: uh hmmmmnmmm . like Personally And Intentionally it was prrrrrobably the phoenix by fall out boy

last movie i watched: i feel like it was moana???? with rai!

top 3 tv shows: AAAAAAA uh . don’t realllllly keep up with shows but stranger things was Good. steven universe also despite the Disc Horse aaaaaaaand. maybe gravity falls? still goes hard my dudes

top 3 bands: sleeping at last, fall out boy, and hmmmrmrm. probably mother mother

uhhhh tags! : @apricotgryphon @raiona @seabornsystem @grantaire6669 @jjavajace @gay-trek @lacorbiere @anduinwryn and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!