#selective memory am i right

[insidetheerings]

me in front of my computer trying to remember what i plotted in my head while rotting in bed

[joonsytip]

Something About You || Woozi

Pairings: Woozi x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Lawyer!Woozi, Event Coordinator!Reader, Selective Amnesia au, Secret Relationship au

Synopsis: When your boyfriend loses all memories of you after an accident, you go through hell of a time trying to bring back the memories. But in the process of convincing him what you both had was real, it makes you question if what you both had was ever real.

Warnings:  jihoon is outright blunt and asshole, mentions accident, jihoon suffers selective amnesia, reader has astraphobia, relationship is hidden and based on rebound, one fighting scene, jihoon gets beaten by umbrella, oral (f. recieving), fingering, dirty talks, rough sex.

Word Count: 11.5k

Thanks to @cherriegyuu for beta reading this ♡

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 🔞

[ SVT Masterlist ] [ SVT Flick - Fic Masterlist ]

The look Jihoon gives you is condescending. He believes that whatever you said just now is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard.

"I know it's hard to believe but it's true that I'm your girlfriend."

You repeat, biting back the tears.

The doctor takes pity on you and attempts to make his patient understand his current medical situation quoting it in most layman terms possible.

"Mr. Lee, you have been in an accident and that has caused internal bleeding in your brain. I'm not going into details but that has caused neural damage.", he continues solemnly, "Since you can't recognize your partner, we have run some tests and it indicates that you're suffering from amnesia."

Suddenly the door barges open and enters Soonyoung, Jihoon's friend and most probably the only one on his side who knows about your relationship.

Jihoon's eyes light up as he recognizes his friend and the realization dreads upon you.

"It's selective amnesia.", the doctor explains, carefully studying your expression, "Mr. Lee has forgotten all the memories you've shared."

Soonyoung stands up, his entire demeanor masked in disbelief, "How is that possible? He recognised everyone when I showed him the pictures! How can he not remember his girlfriend?"

"We can't give you an exact explanation but it's possible that before the accident happened Mr. Lee was thinking about her. "

You fiddle your fingers, tears wetting your cheeks and chin. Taking a deep breath, you ask, "Is there a possibility he can remember me or am I erased from his mind forever?"

You choke a sob. 

"There are cases where the patients have recovered their memories. It can take two days, two weeks, two years or even two decades. There's no certainty. In some cases", the doctor relents, "they never got their memories back. I'd suggest you revisit familiar places, re-watch your shared moments captured together. Anything to make him regain his lost memories."

It's been a hell of a ride since then.

Lee Jihoon, an enigmatic independent lawyer, who has zero nonsense tolerance has now a random woman constantly claiming to be his girlfriend of two years.

And somehow his close friend is backing up that claim. Something's absolutely fishy.

Jihoon glares at Soonyoung and completely ignores your presence right next to him.

"You have brought her into my office now?", Jihoon glowers in rage, his voice low, "Soonyoung explain yourself."

As the said man opens his mouth, you gesture him to stop.

You pull out your phone, opening the gallery.

"I have already seen them.", Jihoon says unimpressed, "I get that we have met through Soonyoung but these photos suggest nothing more than us being friends."

You show him a picture where he's hugging you from behind, his chin perched on your shoulder. You're smiling looking at the camera, he's smiling looking at you.

There's another one, set in his apartment, you are drawing something on his hand and he's kissing the top of your head. 

Jihoon turns away from you in his revolving chair, "This doesn't prove shit. We could have done this as friends."

You sigh, "Do you think you are that kind of person who'd do this with a mere or even a close friend?"

That shuts him up for a moment.

"Why would I be lying to you, Jihoon?", Soonyoung asks, almost offended.

"You tell me. I'm also not sure why you are doing this.", Jihoon retaliates.

There's a beat of silence before Jihoon continues, rubbing his temples in frustration, "Look, I don't wanna be an ass about it but you don't have enough proof to back up that we were in a relationship."

"But--", you're getting cut off.

"No one knows about us, none of my friends or colleagues. You show me our pictures and I admit they look intimate but it doesn't solidify that we were dating. You showed me our text conversation and never in the span of two years did I write a single 'I love you'.", he shakes his head, "All of it looks circumstantial to me."

It hits you harder than you could imagine.

Another couple of months go by and you're still not giving up. 

"He was on a call with me, Soonyoung, when the accident happened he was talking to me.", you admit sobbing. Soonyoung hands you the tissue box and patiently waits for you to continue. 

"He had been acting antsy for the past few days and though I wanted to share his burden, I decided not to probe. I knew he'd eventually let me know. Before the accident, the last thing he said was he had something to tell me and he was on his way to my place."

He pats on your shoulder, "Jihoon will get back his memories of you, Y/N. Let's keep trying."

But you've freed Soonyoung from the burden of constantly backing you up, still being a great friend he shows up whenever he can.

You work as an event coordinator. You were acquainted with Soonyoung through a common friend, so when over two years ago you had been contacted by him to be the planner of his brother's wedding, you agreed instantly. 

You are professional. In your line of work, you're well known for professionalism. 

But it was discarded the moment you saw Jihoon among the crowd on the wedding day. 

You had ditched professionalism then and only once, when you asked Soonyoung for his friend's contact details. When enquired, you spilled it all to Soonyoung honestly. 

Lee Jihoon is a known name in the city, he's reputed to be the best. It goes back a year when your friend's aunt had gotten scammed by a loan shark losing her property. With no lawyer interested in defending her, it was only Jihoon who had fought for her.

You swore you hadn't seen anyone cooler. The aura he emitted, the impeccable ferociousness and the sincerity he showed when he represented his client had you down bad for him.

Since then you've developed a crush but it would pass by, you thought, as there's no way you'd be crossing paths with him ever unless you have something to deal with legally.

But seeing him again during Soonyoung's brother's wedding was a sucker punch to your gut.

Suddenly, the crush resurfaces, in fact it ten folds when Jihoon looked nothing but absolutely gorgeous throughout.

"Jihoon has a foul mouth, so don't expect anything good coming out of it.", Soonyoung warns as he sends you the contact details, "Don't cry, don't take it to heart, no matter what he says."

And Soonyoung was correct. 

"Hi, I'm Y/N. I got your contact from Soonyoung."

When you had called Jihoon asking him if he could free some time for you as you had something to discuss, he agreed, assuming you would be needing some legal advice.

"Go on a date with me.", you say, "Please?"

The incredulous look on his face was remarkable but you had mustered all the courage within the world before sitting in front of him and discarded all the shame along with it.

"I'd be courteous since you're Soonyoung's friend but don't dare to try this act again.", Jihoon gets up, controlling himself from berating you as he walks past.

"3 dates.", you grab his wrist and he looks back at you, "That's all I want. And if you reject me after that, I won't be a bother."

Yanking his hand from your grip, he glares, "And why did you assume that I'd want to invest my time on you? You must be knowing that I'm quite busy."

"That surely makes you bitchless.", you snark back under your breath but Jihoon catches it.

He scoffs in a mix of disbelief and anger, "You--"

Clamping your hand on his mouth, you apologize quickly, "Sorry about that. And to answer your question", you grin, "Why don't you find it out yourself by going on a date with me? Tonight works for you?"

"You, for sure have a few loose screws.", Jihoon finally says, removing your hand, "Look I'm not interested and I'm busy, I work till late every night."

So Jihoon is rendered speechless when he sees you knocking on his office door late at night, to be specific at 2 AM.

"Hey, brought delicious wedding food and beer for us.", you enter and set the bag on the chair as the table was occupied, "That was one extravaganza wedding I had to arrange."

"And who said that you could be here?", Jihoon quips back, initially agitated but as the aroma of food hits his nose, reminding how he had skipped meals again and now his stomach could growl anytime, "This is rude and unethical."

"I know but I've decided to go against all ethics to woo you, Mr. Lee.", you throw him a wink which has Jihoon rolling eyes at you.

The first date was spent by eating food, chugging beer and your one sided talks.

The second one comes some days later as Jihoon agrees upon it just to make it crystal clear that he's really not interested and you should stop pestering him. He goes blunt, his words piercing you, intentionally. 

Though you insist, he is adamant. So you promise to not bother him anymore and make up your mind to move on.

Surprise comes to you a month later when Jihoon asks to meet you through a text. Somehow that night ends with you tangled in his sheets and the next morning he finally agrees to date you.

"Let's keep it private for now.", Jihoon tells and before you could ask the reason, he continues, "I wanna be sure, if it works out fine, let's tell everybody."

You find it a bit skeptical but it's not impractical so you agree. 

"But Soonyoung gets to know.", you declare, leaving no room for negotiations, "And my family and close friends would be knowing too."

Jihoon is your boyfriend now but something about the way let's himself around you makes you worry.

You don't expect him to act lovesick around you but he's so conserved. He barely texts you, only shows up when insisted and rarely initiates anything. There are no terms of endearment from him, no special acts.

Eight months into the relationship and you decide it's enough. You're done with his half ass slash zero commitments. So you start to act like him, zero calls, no texts and updates. You realise that you had gotten too good at the game when Jihoon knocks at your door one night.

Jihoon notices the lack of communication on your part and he doesn't let it bother him thinking you must have been busy but when it goes on for nearly a month, it strikes him that something's definitely wrong so that's how he finds himself knocking on your door.

And that night changes the dynamics between you two.

Jihoon has been getting frequent dreams nowadays. He sees you in all of them. In one, he's playing chess with you, in another you're perched on his lap humming soothing melodies to get him to nap. In some he sees your bodies tangled in the sheets.

He wakes up, his body hot, mind foggy. It's reoccurring, even pestering. He concludes that the reason behind these dreams is all the nonsense you've been feeding him daily, it's because he sees you everyday. He decides to put a stop to it.

"Something's bothering you?", you ask upon entering his cabin, "need help?"

Jihoon perks up, "And what can you help me with?"

"You might have forgotten, but we used to brainstorm a lot. You'd never go into the exact details of the case to respect privacy and we'd create hypothetical scenarios and try to come up with possible nooks and crannies."

He scoffs, "I would never take opinions from anyone. It's not my way of working, I work solely upon my hunch and instincts."

You've had a long day and aren't in a mood for banter. All you want is a warm bath and tight sleep.

So not pushing it further, you set the bags on the table and say, "I bought you food from your favourite outlet. Eat it up while it's hot and call me if you need me."

"Don't expect me to call you.", Jihoon blurts out, "When are you gonna stop doing this?"

You give him a sharp look, "Stop doing what?"

"Trying to forcefully insert yourself in my life."

You scoff, "Maybe when you stop being an asshole and try to put some effort into gaining back your memories?"

Jihoon glares at you. You glare back at him, no way you're taking shit from him today.

When his jaw ticks and eyes turn darker, you think of backing down and leaving because you know it's the look he gives when he's about to say something absolutely brutal.

"Maybe you should get a hint by now.", he says coldly, "Isn't it obvious, the reason why I remember everyone but you?"

"Jihoon, don't.", you say as soon as he opens his mouth to speak again.

"You weren't someone important in my life, Y/N. You're so insignificant that I don't even remember you."

Your throat closes up. A tear falls down your cheek and before he could continue his verbal assault, you run out of his cabin.

While doing so you bump into someone.

"I'm sorry.", you say, wiping your tears before looking up.

The woman in front of you, echoes your words and leaves. Your gaze follows her and you see her entering Jihoon's office. And rooted to the ground, through the glass window you watch an entirely different Jihoon. The frown on his face is quickly replaced by a shy smile, his body language seemingly changing to gentleness. The way he crosses the chairs to pull one out for the woman to sit, the eye contact that definitely holds a meaning.

For the first time, your head and heart come up with the same conclusion.

Later that night, Jihoon is somewhat shocked to receive a call from you.

"Who's she, Ji?", you ask from the other side, "Why were you looking at her like that?"

He straight up knows whom you are talking about and he right away knows that you're drunk.

"Where are you? Are you alone?", he asks you, already looking for his car keys.

He hears something incoherent and presses the phone tighter against his ear.

"Tell me Ji, why were you looking at her like that?", you ask again.

He halts, "Like what?"

You hum and he hears a loud thud. There's a moment of silence and Jihoon is rooted, holding his breath.

Moments later, you speak again, "Like you used to look at me. Like you like her."

"Where are you, Y/N? Can you send me your location?", he tries to coax you, "I'll come right away, we'll talk. Please tell me where you are."

Another pause and just as he's about to speak again, he hears your sobs. His heart tightens in his chest.

"D-Did I already lose you, Ji?", comes your choked voice, "Did you give up on us? Why can't you like me again?"

There is no answer to your questions. 

"I love you.", you say, "I love you so much that it hurts. What do I do now? I-I think I love you way too much, much more than I thought. And I regret not telling you sooner."

Jihoon freezes, he's tongue tied, his knees almost giving up.

"And if this is the end of us, then--", the line disconnects. You've accidentally hung up.

He calls you back immediately but you don't pick up. Repeated calls, when they remain not received, he sends you a string of texts.

Already inside his car, he's about to drive away in search of you, aimlessly, when he receives a text from you.

'I'm at home.'

He let out a breath of relief, his mind pounding, his heart thumping because of your words from before.

It's been over a month since Jihoon has seen or heard from you. For a week or two it was nice, not having you breathing on his neck felt refreshing. By the end of the third week he's worrying about you, his mind is relentlessly fogged with your thoughts. Mid of fourth week and he's contemplating whether to send you a text or ask Soonyoung to do it. 

It isn't relaxing anymore, it's stressful. It bothers him to all extent. He feels guilty about going overboard with his choice of words that night, he never meant to make you cry. He can't forget your drunk confessions either.

You are on a call with your mother who's nagging you to consider extending your stay when you go home for Christmas along with the equal urging of your sister and father. A lot of negotiations and you're finally agreeing to them.

"How's Jihoon? Any luck with the memories?", your sister, Eunha asks.

"Let's not talk about him.", you say after a beat, "I think, my relationship with Jihoon--", you halt, not being able to continue further, before the cracking of your voice gives it all away.

Eunha knows you better than anyone and sensing your tone, she's quick to assure you, "I've always admired your straight headedness. Whatever it is, I know you'll overcome it. And all of us are always there for you."

The doorbell rings and you frown, "Thanks Eun. I'll call you later, bye."

Checking the time and opening the door causes your frown to deepen. 

Jihoon sits on the couch, an awkward tension lingering in the atmosphere. And somehow it pains you to look at him, you're avoiding eye contact, looking everywhere but him, waiting for him to initiate the conversation.

A photo on the centre table catches Jihoon's attention and he picks it up, his curious eyes scrutinizing the faces. It's the two of you, an amusement park in the backdrop, grinning ear to ear, pressed cheek against cheek, radiating love through the photo itself.

You quickly snatch the frame out of his grip, setting it down on the same centre table.

"I hate amusement parks", Jihoon mutters more to himself but loud enough for your ears to pick up, "Because they're so crowded and everyone's screaming.", he looks up at you, "I went there with you?"

You just give a simple nod, no explanation, no backstory.

I love going to amusement parks. And you don't hate them anymore.

"Why are you here?", you ask him finally.

"I'm sorry.", he blurts out, "I'm really sorry for that night."

Your brows furrow for a moment before the neutral expression returns, "You didn't have to come here to apologise, a call would have sufficed."

For the record, you just know you had called him as an aftermath of that night but you don't remember, not even a bit of things you had said and you don't plan on bringing that up either.

Jihoon notices your defensiveness and to test it he stands up to walk towards you but you're immediately backing up.

"I'm feeling under the weather so if you're done, could you leave?", you speak still avoiding his gaze, "And I know you don't want me anywhere near you, rest assured I won't be a bother."

"What do you mean?", he asks closing in, "Are you still upset at me, even after I apologized?"

You keep stepping back, "I'm not upset. I'm just not feeling well, please leave."

I think you already replaced me, Ji.

Your back hits the wall and reaching you with long strides, Jihoon is caging you between the wall and his arms.

He hovers over you, "For the past months, you've been begging for my attention, trying everything to establish our relationship, so what happened, what's with this change in demeanour?"

He leans in, your faces merely an inch apart.

"Isn't this what you wanted?", your somber gaze meets his fiery ones.

He's not sure what he wants anymore.

"I have been having dreams about you, about us.", he admits, stepping away, "And I don't think they're just infringements of my imagination."

"What did you see?", your voice comes out in a whisper.

He then proceeds to tell you about the dreams and not so surprisingly you have stories and even photos for some cases to collate with his description of dreams.

"So did we record it as well?", Jihoon asks amused as you dab your hot pink cheeks, "I wanna see it though--"

You're slapping a hand on his mouth as he blatantly teases and asks you about the wet dreams he has been seeing which wakes him up with a tent in his pants.

"Let's brainstorm.", Jihoon is setting his briefcase on the table suddenly, taking out some flaps.

You eye him in suspicion, "Did you hit your head again, you're acting strange. You're acting like my Jihoonie."

The corners of his lips twitch, trying to suppress a smile, "Maybe your Jihoonie wants to make a comeback."

"I'll be waiting with my arms wide open, I miss my boyfriend.", you admit, your tone emitting sadness, your gaze meets his and you're smiling, "Thanks Jihoon."

Maybe that night at his workplace, you read it all wrong. Maybe your mind was too tired, your heart was too hurt so they made a fuss over nothing because you know your Jihoon would never do something to hurt you, even when he can't remember you. Even though his head can't recognise you, there's a hope that his heart would still beat for you.

He grins wider, "Don't get me wrong, I just came here to test your problem solving abilities."

"You should be thanking the heavens that I didn't choose law as my career, you'd have been jobless otherwise.", you retort smugly.

Maybe running your mouth isn't the best option, especially when with Jihoon because now he's running his fourth hypothetical case with you, pinching your arm whenever your drowsy eyes are shutting close.

"Another wedding?", you hum in delight, "Ah, god bless you."

Joshua laughs, "Is it such good news to you that another of my friends is getting married?"

"Isn't it obvious? It keeps the business running.", you muse, eating the brownies he has baked for you, "This is the 4th one right? Why are all your friends getting married this year?"

Joshua ponders, "Beats me as well. How are the brownies, sweetheart? I tried a new recipe today."

"And it's my new favourite.", you say, making him grab a bite of his own baking, "Makes me wanna kiss your hands."

He unabashedly holds his hands to your face only to get a swat.

"That's not what you said you'd do, sweetheart.", he feigns offense, "Shouldn't you start commissioning me by now? I think I bring in a fair share of customers."

He's absolutely right. Joshua is people's people. Everyone knows him. You knew Soonyoung through Joshua, in fact most people know others via him. 

The common link, the mutual friend that everyone talks about is actually Joshua Hong. He's the gossip monger, nothing gets past him. Not even the fact that you had gotten into a relationship. 

You were an expert in keeping personal matters under the sleeves and as asked by Jihoon, only Soonyoung was made known. But two weeks under his observation and he's declaring that there's no point in hiding, that he can tell by your body language that you're dating.

You didn't deny, you knew Joshua is perceptive. Though you felt bad for hiding who you're dating, he waved it off with all smiles stating he'll get to know when the time is right.

"Correct, I should start commissioning you but for baking me the best confectioneries.", you chirp happily, "The lemon drizzle chocolate cake you made at the previous wedding, I can't stress how good it was. Only you could make chocolate and lime flavour work like magic."

"You look happy, sweetheart.", Joshua comments casually, "How's things going with Mr. Boyfriend?"

"It's complicated, Josh.", your mood sets down.

Joshua takes a look at your face and decides to drop the topic.

"What do you think of me, Josh?", you ask with a serious tone, throwing him off bound.

"You want the truth, sweetheart?", he asks softly, his hand already atop yours, rubbing your skin soothingly.

Just one please from you and Joshua is baring his heart out, "I don't know who made you doubt yourself but to me, you're my rock. I have tons of friends but you're among the ones I'd always seek solace. When I had no one, you were there to support me."

He smiles embarrassed as you catch his teary eyes. Joshua is always cheery but there are rare moments like this where you get to see his vulnerable side.

"I was almost out of business when you took me under your wing until I had accumulated enough capital and reputation to establish the standalone business.", he fondly pats your head, "You barely knew me then, just know that you saved my life back then. So I'd never accept anything apart from compliments from anyone about you."

"Joshua Hong, it's too early, don't make me cry.", you say wiping your tears.

His laugh reverberates pleasantly, "You look pretty even when crying, sweetheart."

"You mean ugly."

"I said what I meant, sweetheart."

You could never win against Joshua.

"You're going to Soonyoung's housewarming party right?"

"Only if you're going.", Joshua sighs, leaning back, stretching his arms, "Socializing can be pretty tiring, sweetheart, so I need you as my charge-up."

Soonyoung thinks, no he's sure that Jihoon has been acting differently.

"Weeks ago", Soonyoung pulls up his phone, "I even have proof, you said you weren't coming to my housewarming party. I was hurt, I still am."

Jihoon grimaces.

"You said that you won't go if Y/N's going.", he almost shoves the phone on the lawyer's face, "And now you're here just to ask if she's coming. Why does it matter so much?"

Jihoon gets a little frightened when he sees Soonyoung holding up his hand. He's gonna count points now and after each point, Jihoon knows he's gonna get earfuls.

"First of all, I'm your friend so why does it matter who's coming or not. You should be there ", one finger down.

"Second, unlike you, Y/N is a decent person who doesn't abandon her friends.--"

"When did I abandon you--"

Without batting an eye, Soonyoung continues, "Third, I don't care if you're coming or not."

Jihoon cowers when Soonyoung puts his hand down smiling, almost eerie, "Now, tell me what changed? Are you getting your memories back?"

"Well maybe? First I've been having dreams, now they've turned into flashes. It has been difficult, this whole thing since the accident. But I think I'll get those missing pieces of my memories back soon.", Jihoon smiled wistfully.

"You better be on your knees and apologize to your girlfriend when you do so.", Soonyoung says with an undertone but smiles nonetheless, "I deserve an apology as well."

"Did you just curse?", your brows crease. 

When there's nothing but silence that follows, your eyes squint as you speak again, "So you're not gonna answer me?"

Jihoon frowns, "Who's Joshua and why are you taking him with you as your plus one?"

"We both didn't have a plus one so we decided to go together, that's it.", you explain, "And I know you said you wouldn't go to the party if I go so what's the problem here?"

"Can you stop please?", he pouts and you fight back the strong urge to kiss it away, "It was before, now I want to go but with you."

You grin, "Sorry, but I can't ditch Josh. There's time, find someone."

He nods, accepting defeat. He follows you from the kitchen to the dinning as you set the plates on the table.

You both have fallen into a routine, Jihoon has been acting awfully comfortable around you lately. He drops by your place anytime, he knows your passcode. When you call to remind him about having meals he makes excuses to see you. 

"The lawsuit against the insurance company that I've been working on", he says sitting across from you, "The one we discussed last month, I am planning to try the method you suggested. You might be right, I think these people are collectively trying to extort money in the name of insurance from the company, all of them have huge debts piled up and they're in a closely knitted group."

"Jihoon, let me warn you, it might be the case that your client is actually the perpetrator. What would you do then? You're supposed to fight for your client, not against them. You'll lose trust, people won't come to you."

"Then let it be. Maybe I'd get less cases, but people who are wrongfully accused would have their trust in me. I won't side with those who are on the wrong side of the law."

You give him a proud smile as you both eat in a soothing silence before he leaves your apartment as it drizzles outside.

By the time Jihoon reaches his apartment, the dizzles have turned into a heavy downpour with lightning jagging across the sky. And by the time he's out of the shower he can hear the thunderstorms soaring.

His head hurts with an intensity causing his knees to buckle up. There's a flash again and despite the ache, he's searching for his car keys.

Yet another one of his numerous calls remains unreceived. With every second that ticks away, Jihoon feels his heart constricting. However, his eyes glints hope when he sees the glimpse of the familiar building, nearing it.

His nervousness causes him to mispunch the code a fair number of times. Entering, he comes across an expected sight. The surroundings are pitch black, just becoming visible when the lightning strikes. 

"Y/N?", he shouts. No response. He puts on the flashlight of his cell phone and starts searching for you cautiously. He takes a deep breath, all he has to do is search across a hall, two rooms and a kitchen.

"Y/N?", he shouts again. Still no response. Just as he's about to stride towards the bedroom, from the corner of his eyes he spots a silhouette somewhere in the kitchen. He turns, focusing the flashlight, to see your weak form. You are supporting yourself by the counter with your fingers jabbed into your ears. His gaze softens.

He lunges towards you, engulfing your shaking form into a tight hug, "Shh...I'm here."

"Ji...", you voice out weakly, wrapping your hands around his waist instantly. The call of this nickname stirs something within him. He rubs your back, peppering soft kisses on your forehead. Another lightning strikes and you're shivering in his embrace.  

The raindrops hitting the window panes erupts the stillness of the night. Only with the rain stopping, you find yourself calming down. And you find yourself in Jihoon's embrace.

"How did you-- Why did you come back?", you ask, pulling away but Jihoon doesn't let go of you.

He wipes your tears and observes you carefully, "Are you okay now?"

You nod, "Thanks, Jihoon."

"I felt like I needed to be with you. I don't know how but I just knew that you've astraphobia so I drove back as fast as I could."

You feel a sense of relief, "You already knew, you're just starting to get your memories back, Jihoon."

He stares at you, his eyes darting to your lips often. 

You stare back at him, his eyes asking for your permission.

There's an unspoken consent and instantly, his lips are on your. Pressed against the counter, he grabs the back of your neck deepening the kiss. His thumb runs against the column of your throat, making your head go dizzy.

You gasp into the kiss when he lifts and sets you up on the counter. 

"Ji..", you say breathlessly, "We probably shouldn't--"

His lips work now, trailing hot kisses down your neck and collarbone, "I want to love my girlfriend, is it so wrong?"

"Whom you don't even remember--", another kiss to shut you up. The way you moan is enough for Jihoon to almost make a mess in his pants. 

"Which room?", his voice is thick with desire as he carries you now, not breaking the intense eye contact. "Tell me before I fuck you against the wall.”

One hand slides between your legs while the other supports your weight, as he lays you on the bed his fingers exploring through the fabric of your dress. “Tell me to stop.", he whispers against your neck, nipping slightly.

"Don't stop, Ji", you whine and that breaks him completely. 

His breath catches in his throat at your intense gaze and he leans down to whisper in your ear his hands trail down your sides, making you shiver. His hands push your panties down, sliding the fingers across your wet slit, “Was it lonely here without me?”

“Please Ji, need you.”

With a gentle yet firm grip, he holds your wrists above your head. “You're so adorable when you're needy like this…”, he presses his lips to your neck, trailing kisses downwards, “Such a perfect, impatient thing.”

He hooks his fingers in your thighs, pulling your legs around his waist as he settles between your thighs. He looks down at you with loving eyes, his voice dropping to a husky whisper "My love, you're killing me with these eyes.”

Your body moves on its own, trying to find friction, soft gasps coming out each time you feel his hard clothed length.

A deep chuckle escapes him, "So responsive. Is this what you wanted? To make me go wild?" He leans down, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss while one hand traces your curves, “Such a good girl.”, he whispers against your lips.

He breaks the kiss to look into your eyes, his own burning with desire, "I'm going to take you hard and fast, tonight.”

A wolfish grin spreads across his face at your eager response. In one swift motion, he tears off your clothes, leaving you bare before him. His eyes darkens with lust as he takes in the sight of you. "Damn, you're gorgeous." he growls, quickly shedding his own clothes.

He settles back between your thighs, his hardness pressing urgently against you. With a sharp inhale, he slides into your welcoming heat, filling you completely. "Fuck, you feel incredible," he groans, setting a relentless pace. His hips snapping against yours with each powerful thrust.

He leans down to roughly claim your lips, swallowing your moans as he continues his frenzied pace. His hands grip your hips tightly, fingers digging into your soft flesh as he holds you in place. "Take it, baby. Take every inch of my cock.”

“Fuck, missed you so much Ji, missed being ruined by you.”, you say in between of sobs and gasps, clenching around him.

His movements become more urgent, more possessive. He knows you're close, and it only spurs him on, "Squeeze me just like that. Milk my cock with your perfect little pussy.”

With a feral growl, he buries himself deeper inside you, grinding against your g-spot as he unleashes a torrent of thrusts. Your screams of pleasure fill the room as you reach your peak, your inner walls convulsing around his pistoning cock.

As you come down from your high, he continues to pound into you mercilessly, seeking his own release. His face contorts with pleasure as he chases his climax, his body glistening with sweat. 

With one final, brutal thrust, he explodes inside you, his hot seed filling your womb as he roars his release. He collapses on top of you, his heavy breathing the only sound in the room as he tries to catch his breath. "Fuck... Are you okay?”

He nuzzles his face against your neck, his body still trembling as he asks softly, "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" 

His large hands gently roam your body, checking for any bruises or marks from his rough handling. "Answer me, please?”

A sigh of relief escapes him as he feels your gentle nod against his cheek. "Good", he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your neck. He gently nips at your lower lip, "Though I do need to lotion those lovely handprints on your hips... they're quite noticeable.”

“If I let you, it'll lead to another round.”, you say, still breathless and smiling.

“I wouldn't mind. Would you?”, he waggles his eyebrows comically, trying to elicit another giggle from you and maybe get inside you again.

Seeing the crowd, you realize that Soonyoung, if not as much as Joshua, is quite popular.

There's a very limited amount of people you can recognise and the majority you don't. You stick close to Joshua and leave his side when the flock of people keep coming and greeting him.

"There you are.", Soonyoung smiles as you hand him a gift, "How's things going?"

You understand the insinuation, giving a genuine wide grin, "A lot better, you must be knowing, he's getting his memories back bit by bit."

He pats on your shoulder, "Soon, he'll be remembering it all."

Though it's crowded but there's a touch of coziness, you like the atmosphere. Taking permission from Soonyoung, you make a quick tour of his new house. It's impressive, it's warm given the purpose, he bought this house to settle in once he gets married. His parents, including him, have been looking for a partner for him.

You conquer a table at the corner, sitting quietly and sipping on the drink that the host himself has given you. 

"There you are, sweetheart.", Joshua settles beside you, taking a sip of what you were drinking.

Joshua is extremely fun and must have a person to be around, specially at the parties. He would point at random people and drop the juiciest gossip about them. What makes it more interesting is that Joshua's memory is photographic and storytelling is top notch.

You'd ask him about something that occurred four years ago he'd be spilling it all out unabashedly, doesn't even need a brush up.

'Just got here, Soonyoung told me you're in the lawn, I'll come and find you.'

A smile creeps up on your face as you read the text from Jihoon, keeping your phone aside.

Joshua demands your attention once again as he points at a woman, wearing an unmistakable neon coloured jacket.

"That's Arong", he says, "Runs her own boutique. She's a Richie rich."

You squint your eyes to figure her out and surprisingly she's someone you know. She's the same woman you had seen visiting Jihoon's office.

With your interest picked, you ask, "How do you know her?"

"We're good friends, went to the same university.", Joshua eyes glint as if he remembers something amusing, excitedly turning his head to look at you, "She's quite a character you know, she used to hangout with a guy discreetly. I think they had the same group and wanted to keep it low. She's not the kind to commit to a relationship."

You listen quietly.

His eyes turn big, emitting specks of energy as he continues, "Here's the interesting part. She knew that the guy liked her, even after that, she indulged him, went on dates, hooked up with him, all of this went on casually. But when the guy finally asks her out, she brushes him off."

Joshua laughs, "Can you believe it? She doesn't even reject him, she just brushes him off. Imagine the humiliation the guy faced.", he quotes, "By the way, it's not her first drill. From what I heard, all her words not mine, that the guy was really invested in her and wasn't willing to give up, must be a romantic kind. It's kinda blurred out on what happened but she did kinda bruise his ego."

There's something unsettling about this whole narrative. You don't know why but your chest caves in.

"So some days later, he comes back only to tell her that he's dating. Such a foul move.", he sighs, "Amidst all of this, I feel bad for the girl he is dating. I mean she's basically a rebound and probably doesn't even know. It was so wrong, he shouldn't have played it like that. How can he play with someone's feelings when he has practically gone through that himself?"

"When did this happen, Josh?", you ask in a quiet voice, "Do you know his name?"

Joshua ponders for a moment, of course he remembers, "This happened almost three years ago. If I had to be specific, hmm, I think it's around when you start dating as well.", he misses the way face pales, "I don't know his name but I have seen him once or twice while I was face timing Arong. Not sure if he's invited to this party."

'Found ya.'

Your phone buzzes with Jihoon's text and you look ahead to see him walking towards you. 

"That's him!", Joshua points out at Jihoon, "He's the guy we just talked about! Oh my god, why is he coming towards us?", he turns his head again to look at you, "Do you know him?"

It all makes sense now. Jihoon's agreement to date you, to him emphasising on keeping it hidden, to his non commitmental attitude. You've been played. You should have known.

Jihoon is in front of you now and all you tell Joshua before walking out is, "Stop Jihoon from following me."

The party was on Sunday and it's Friday when you decide that you won't be taking any more work, won't work except for the scheduled ones, to give yourself a long break. It feels rewarding after spending effort tirelessly throughout the year.

You're exhausted physically, mentally and unavailable emotionally.

Ending things with Jihoon was easy because there wasn't anything to end in the first place. 

You've met Arong, you've met her in the presence of Joshua, Soonyoung and Jihoon himself. This was specially to let Jihoon know what he has done, to hold  him accountable for something that doesn't remember. 

"I'm breaking up with you."

You aren't crying, not a single choke in your voice, eyes void of any emotion.

"Since you don't remember any of it, not even us being in some sort of relationship", your hands ball into a fist, gaze lowering, "And since none of it was ever real, I'm sure you're relieved."

"Y/N, please--"

"If you ever get your memories back, please don't make it an excuse to come see me. I don't want to see or talk to you ever again."

Jihoon grabs your hand once you turn to walk out, "I don't believe that I could do something like this. I'll get my memories back and when I do, let me--" 

"No don't.", Joshua steps up, yanking your arm out of his grip, "Didn't you hear what she said?"

"And who are you to come between us?"

"Someone who's does not play with feelings."

And all of a sudden there's a scuffle. Jihoon is grabbing the collar of the shirt Joshua's wearing and the latter tackles him down on the ground.

You watch in horror, as the two grown men indulge in a fight where the rest had to step in to separate them.

"The audacity, ridiculous!", Joshua huffs as you and Arong hold him.

"Says the one who doesn't know boundaries!", comes Jihoon's retort in Soonyoung's hold.

His eyes dart back at you, holding so much vulnerability that if you hadn't known the truth, he'd be in your arms by now.

"Y/N, I don't believe that it was all an act, that I hadn't fallen in love with you. It can't be, my head might not remember but my heart has definitely not forgotten you."

You chuckle bitterly, "That's delirium, Jihoon. You're busted and now making excuses. You had something important to tell me, you were on the phone with me when the accident happened. The way you had been acting before that, I'm sure you were going to break up with me. So save it. We're done. It's over."

"To the last wedding of the year!"

You raise your glass to the toast absentmindedly, waiting for the head of catering services to finish his speech.

"We're done with the headache.", Wonwoo leans in to speak into your ear.

A slap on his arm but you're laughing nonetheless, "You shouldn't be saying that."

Rolling his eyes, Wonwoo enunciates, "They asked for the change of flower arrangement three times. You know how difficult it is to convince the suppliers at the last moment."

You give him a pat on his shoulder, "You did great as always though. Imagine being in Joshua's shoes, he had to add two tiers to the cake as a last moment request."

"He's a saint for agreeing to it, I'd never--"

"Wonu, that's our job, as long as it's not unrealistic, we'll try to fulfil it.", your tone is reprimanding.

"So we're leaving as planned on the weekend right?", he speaks over your shoulder, as you check off the items from the inventory list.

You both are now behind the barracks, wrapping things up, "Yes.", turning to look at him you thank him, "Also, sorry for crashing in the trip along with Junhee."

"Oh please, my girlfriend absolutely loves you, maybe more than me? And your house is literally on the way, so no sweat at all", Wonwoo laments, shaking his head, "Junhee has been feeling guilty about what happened. She blames herself, you met Jihoon because he was handling her aunt's case back then."

"It's not her fault. I'll talk to her, maybe she needs some lecture on how to not connect dots every time.", you frown, "And thanks. I'm glad that I got some people who are genuine even though my person wasn't."

All Wonwoo does is give you an empathetic smile.

Jihoon leaves no stones unturned.

"Doctor, I'm willing to do anything", his hands are clasped in desperation, "Please, help me get my memories back."

The doctor sighs, he's tired of seeing Jihoon's face every other day. The doctor gets the urgency but his patient is not understanding the implications.

"What do I need to do? Any brain exercising? New medicines? I'm ready to be a guinea pig for scientific research as well. Just name it, I'll do it if it brings my memories back."

His house is a mess. He's searching every corner, every shelf, every drawer but he gets nothing significant, nothing to get back his memories of you.

Soonyoung quietly watches over as Jihoon lays in slumber. He was finally able to get his friend to sleep, an attempt to free him from restlessness even if it's for limited time.

He can't bear to see his dear friend in this condition anymore and almost calls you but he doesn't because it's not his place. He only hopes for you both to be freed of despair.

The hunt goes on, Jihoon looks like a wreck, he is a wreck. Tries to hit his head again, thanks to Soonyoung's presence he's saved, tries unprescribed/unwarranted pills for memory loss and gets admitted to hospital. Vomits tons, loses appetite along with weight.

A hard slap lands across his face and Jihoon winces. Soonyoung had enough. He gives him a diary which Jihoon recognises as his own.

"I found this on top of the almirah, while you were admitted. You can search the obvious places. I haven't gone through it but it's your personal diary. Hopefully this will help."

And it certainly does. Maybe the accident had made him forget about his most important habit. He goes through it, consumes whatever he has written.

Each page hits a nerve, bringing back visions.

He now knows two things, he definitely liked Arong and found you annoying.

When Arong rejected him, he wasn't surprised. He knew Arong, he knew it was something she could pull. His heart wasn't bruised, it was his ego. He couldn't take it.

And you came into the picture, an annoying woman who likes him. Even though he's a rational lawyer, his practicality leaves him when goes by when decides to follow the classic 'to get over someone is to get under someone else'.

It was fine, he found you tolerable. But his initial plan of breaking up after dating a few months started to crumble when he found himself worrying about you, wanting to see you more and yearning for you more. He was rational after all, so he knew it was him changing. His feelings for you ran deeper than what he had for Arong.

He realised that he liked Arong but he loved you, he loves you now.

And as the realisation settles in again, into the present Jihoon, he falls apart.

You don't like the vibe, no you hate it. Your mother doesn't stop making your favourite dishes, your sister doesn't even throw banter, always agreeing with whatever you're suggesting for Christmas tree decoration and your father keeps on buying you presents discreetly which is also not so discreet.

And somehow, Seungkwan, your sister's boyfriend, is walking on eggshells whenever he's around you.

You miss the laughs, you miss the dramatics, you miss the goofiness.

"I'm not dying, y'all. This isn't the end of the world either."

Silence.

"Can we get back to normal? You all are being extraordinarily nice to me and every time you do so I think about the reason and it makes me think about him which is certainly what I don't wanna do."

You lower your gaze again, mind involuntarily going back to Jihoon, the way he fooled you within the entire span of your relationship. Your naive nature acts as a blindfold, causing you to trust people easily and you take pride in it because you are surrounded by good people who never took advantage of it but that's until Jihoon happened.

You gave him your heart, he crumpled upon it and your trust, he stomped on it.

"We're re-doing the deco of the Christmas tree, it's awful.", your sister, Eunha proclaims, "You just sit and watch."

You look at her, a smile gracing your lips and it's contagious, everyone is smiling.

And follows chaos, returns the banter and it's all over the place as the liveliness reappears. You watch it all with your lips curl up.

Christmas comes as fast and you're really excited, first because you know this year you're getting most gifts, second, like every time you won't have to leave the day after, you have a whole month to yourself, to be around your loved ones.

The house lights up in your favourite colours and you chirp around the house happily.

"So when are you going to propose?", you bump his shoulder, whispering into his ear as he prepares the batter for the cake.

Being the dramatic he is, Seungkwan gasps, glares and bumps back at you, "March, on her birthday. She'd like the ring right?"

"She'd love it, it's so beautiful. I can't wait to capture how ugly she'd look while crying.", you laugh at the thought.

"Hey! Watch it, she'll be beautiful even if she snots.", he retorts, "Our babies will be pretty."

"Oh my god, such a simp.", you fake a gag, "I'm gonna puke."

He suddenly pats your back, without looking at you and that somehow conveys that he's there for you.

As the night draws in, you excuse yourself and beeline into your room, locking the door, giving your parents and your sister and her boyfriend some time to themselves. They are bundled on the couch and the carpet in pairs sharing loving gazes and gentle touches.

As you lay on the bed, your favourite pillow starts to get stained with your tears. Your body shakes with sobs as you hide your face behind your palms.

You miss Jihoon.

You miss his voice, his laughs. You miss his silent affection, the way his gaze affirmed many unspoken words.

It's been four months since you called off things. And it hurts how easy it was for him to accept it all, the lack of contact says it all. You haven't blocked him anywhere and he hasn't tried reaching you either.

Why would he? You gifted him the only thing he wanted from you, a break up. Maybe love isn't the same for all, maybe it doesn't come in the same form.

There are repeated knocks on your door and you lay holding your breath, hoping whoever is on the other side thinks that you've fallen asleep and leaves.

The knocks don't stop, they only become frantic and you hear Eunha's distraught voice, "Y/N, you need to be out asap. Only you can stop dad please!"

What could have happened? You rush off to the bathroom to wash your face before opening the door.

You freeze watching the scene unfold.

Jihoon getting on his knees at the doorstep, bowing his head down in front of your seething father who's holding an umbrella, it's end pointed at him.

"Sir.", he calls your father calmly, bringing everyone's attention back to him.

"You must know what I have done to your daughter. I'm ready for whatever punishment you have for me."

He looks at you, as if his words are for you, "Beat me as much as you want, don't look at my face if it disgusts you but when your rage resides please hear me out. I won't leave until you listen to me. So if you want to get rid of me, you'll have to listen to me.", Jihoon gives a sad smile before grabbing the edge of the umbrella and resting it on his shoulder.

"Have you gone mad?", you scold him, "Get up."

He raises his hand to stop you from rushing towards him. He chooses to ignore your words, his gaze trained on your father.

"Are you contemplating, Sir?", he chortles, "Wasn't it bad enough, what I did to your daughter?"

You shake your head, closing your eyes. You know what Jihoon is doing, he's provoking your father and everyone else.

The rage that had subsided a bit, seems to reignite as your father tightens his grip on the object on his hand.

And you could only watch through it.

"She's the youngest of the household, we've raised her with love, pampered her to bits!"

"The last thing we want is to see her in tears that too on a day like this!"

"How dare you show your face here after breaking her heart in the worst way?"

And the words keep pouring in.

Jihoon is squeezing your arm into a tight grip, hissing in pain.

"What's your motive this time?", you ask while dabbing one of the bruises with disinfectant, particularly hard making him wince, "The Lee Jihoon, I know doesn't care about anyone except himself."

Jihoon's unwavering gaze does nothing to answer your queries and you refuse to meet his eyes.

"You can stay in my room for the night, leave by tomorrow morning, as early as possible."

Just as you get up to leave, he stands as well, blocking your path.

"I lost the insurance lawsuit case.", he says, searching for your eyes, "I ratted out my own clients."

"You came all the way here just to tell me this?"

He shakes his head down, with a small stretch of lips. When he looks up again you're shocked to see tears in his eyes.

"I got my memories back, Y/N.", his voice cracks, "All of them."

"Great.", you scoff in distaste, "I had already warned you to not make it an excuse to see me."

He kneels again, on both knees, "Would you please give me a chance to explain?"

You hate it to admit but you've never seen Jihoon this vulnerable. If anything, he's the type to carry pride and arrogance in his aura. He has never (his words) bowed to anyone and here he is doing it for the second time tonight.

"Jihoon, it doesn't matter anymore. You may not have loved me for even a moment, but I did, with all my heart. And I don't want to go through it all over again.", you say, urging him to be on his feet, "It won't change our past, but it has definitely changed the way I am going to perceive people now."

Jihoon lets out a sob and you freeze.

"I love you, Y/N.", he chokes out in words, as his sobs turn into cries, "That was what I was going to tell you on the day of the accident. I had been so ansty because I realised I was in love, I was going to come clean, I was going to confess."

"I just wanted a honesty in our relationship, you built it entirely around the other way. You didn't love me when we got together but I thought you did and this is the pressing wound, I have."

You don't let him speak further, after putting a very restless Jihoon to sleep on your bed, you ponder over a lot of things.

It's been over a month and the dynamics between you two has changed. When Jihoon begged and begged to give him a chance, to prove himself worthy of you, you denied at first. You had forgotten how persistent Jihoon could be, how convincing he can be.

"Our relationship will be on a trial basis. And there are rules.", you declare with a bored expression, "First, you can't tell anyone we're dating. Second, don't expect me to update you about anything, if I feel like you'll get to know, if not then you won't. Third, skinship is allowed only behind closed doors. You have six months and if within that I feel like you're worthy, we make it public or we part ways."

You give it a last try, to push his buttons and make him admit that he can't be bothered to do this. That he isn't the kind to work under conditions. You're sure that this is when he finally stops.

The corners of your lips twitch as you suppress your triumphant smile. By the way Jihoon stays silent, you're sure he's speechless. And it's just a matter of time he walks out, he walks away from your life.

"I agree with all of it." he says with sincerity, "For the following six months, I'll be the boyfriend, you want me to be. Mold me into anything, I'll take the shape of your like."

Your heart constricts, brain shots, stupid senses, you wanna scream. You swear you'll break him under your watch, it won't be a month and he'll be bailing out.

And Jihoon swears, he'll get you back, that this time, that he'll love you right.

It's Eunha's birthday and Seungkwan made you arrange a big event since she's gonna get proposed. 

You can't stress how nervous you are even after trying your best to suit the taste of everything to be of Eunha's liking along with calming Seungkwan who's about to puke anytime because of his anxiety hitting the roofs.

And now your sister's crying, her now fiancé is crying but you're bawling. It's so beautiful, the entire scene that it makes you a bit too emotional, so you go out to breathe some fresh air and calm your nerves.

You feel a presence beside you and suddenly your head is being downed on a shoulder.

"I have kept your favourite chocolates in your purse. Have them to calm your nerves, your cycle date is approaching. I have restocked the supplies.", Jihoon says, "And made sure that no one is watching us now."

You tangle your arm with his and watch the stars in awe.

"One of your aunts kept asking me if I am single since you introduced me as your friend.", he says, leaning his head against yours.

"What did you say?"

"That I am taken and so in love."

Your heart flutters.

Jihoon has become calmer than he already was. He does everything you say, no questions asked. He waits for you inside his car every night to escort you when you're done for the day. He texts you frequently, though it's mostly monologue without any expectations of getting a reply.

He sleeps on the same bed if you ask him to, he takes the couch when you don't. There's always an ask of consent if he wants a kiss.

Nothing is out of scope, he'll bring you the moon if you want it.

"You look the prettiest tonight, you always do.", he kisses the top of your head, "Thanks for wearing the brooch, I bought you."

"Jihoon", you look up, your face perched on his shoulder blade and gazes meeting, "Why do you always look at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you love me.", your hand slips into his and he encases it as if his life depends on it.

"I do love you.", comes his immediate assurance, "I may not use nicknames, not big on PDA and not be expressive on texts. But I love you and even though I was late to confess the last time I hope at some point I made you feel loved, made you see that guy who's usually not a fan of skinship initiated hugs and held hands, who hates amusement parks had planned every outing there because you like it, who doesn't like carrots either but picks them out of your plate so you don't have to feel guilty for throwing them."

Tears prick at the corner of your eyes and do his.

It's true. Now as well, Jihoon doesn't text 'I love you's, doesn't use nicknames, nor does he gushes over. He's still silent, acts of service loud enough as his love language.

Jihoon looks away, exhaling sharply, "I'm sorry, I started dating to rebound. I think I'll regret this as long as I'm alive."

"I'm on a mission and you're making it impossible to follow through."

It's snowing. Jihoon, as usual, waits for you to wrap things up. Today, he's standing in a corner, inside the venue as snow pours outside.

You are almost done with stuffs when you spot him. He smiles, eyes forming slits as you walk up to him.

His presence, you think, feels like a fresh breath in the hustle. You're just about to greet him when--

"Y/N!", you turn back to hear the yell of your name only to find one of your colleagues, Ahin, rushing towards you, "You forgot to take the inventory list."

Jihoon takes it as que to leave your side. He's about to turn but freezes when Ahin asks, "Who's he?"

As practiced, as he's been doing it for months, he's about to answer, "I'm her friend--"

"Boyfriend.", you cut him off, taking the papers from her hand, "This is Jihoon, my boyfriend."

Ahin is shocked, Jihoon goes stiff and you bite your lips to suppress your laugh. You know tomorrow's gonna be chaos at work.

As Jihoon crosses the threshold of your apartment, he's pressed against the closed door.

Your lips press on his with intensity while his hands tangle in your hair. It's a full makeout session and you're pulling him into the bedroom.

"Since when am I your boyfriend?", there's a tease in his tone as he looks up from between your legs, his chin glistening from your juices, "I thought we still have a month left?"

"Consider this as an early promotion.", you grab a fistful of his hair and push back his mouth to work on cunt, "Let's love now, Ji. Let's be together and happy."

"Let's love then.", he dives in, his tongue parting your folds and finding your clit. He circles it slowly, then sucks gently, coaxing a needy whimper from your lips.

He continues lavishing attention on your clit, his tongue alternating between rapid flicks and slow, sensual licks. One hand slides up to caress your breast, teasing your nipple gently. His other hand grips your hip, holding you steady as he pleasures you thoroughly.

"Ji, fuck!", your heads befalls on the pillows, eyes close shut.

His mouth is relentless, your pleasure his sole focus. He eats you out with abandon, his own hunger evident in the way he devours you. Your cries and whimpers only spur him on, his tongue never stopping its assault on your sensitive clit, "Fuck, you taste so good."

"Ji, can't hold back anymore", you're whimpering as the fisting on his hair tightens.

Upon hearing your breathy confession, Jihoon doubles his efforts, his tongue now moving in tight, rapid circles around your clit. He slips two fingers inside you, curling them just right to stimulate that perfect spot, "That's it, come for me. Wanna feel you fall apart on my tongue."

He can feel you tensing, your hips bucking against his face as you get closer to the edge. He growls around your sensitive flesh, the vibrations pushing you closer. He hooks his fingers deeper inside you, rubbing that spot mercilessly, "Now, Love now."

He continues to lick and suck, drawing out your orgasm until you're a quivering mess beneath him. Only then does he pull back, his chin glistening with your arousal. He climbs up your body, capturing your mouth in a deep, passionate kiss, letting you taste yourself on his lips.

He smiles against your lips feeling your fingers working on the button on his trouser.

"You'll have to leave early tomorrow morning," he says, grabbing both of your hands, "This was for you to have a sound sleep."

"But--"

"You can have me all you want tomorrow, after you return.", he is already descending down the bed to bring warm washcloth to clean you up, "Promise."

"Ji, next month, I'll be gone for a week."

Jihoon hums, as he cleans you up gently, "A destination wedding right?"

You hum sleepily, "Do you wanna join? We could extend the stay and use it as a break."

"I'll check my schedule and let you know. It's a good idea actually."

"I love you, Ji.", your drowsiness amuses Jihoon, as he watches you fall into slumber, "Wanna brainstorm cases with you for the rest of my life."

He presses a soft kiss on your forehead, listening to your soft snores, "And all I wanna do is be the best partner to you. I love you too, dearest darl+ing."

→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip.

[kingdom-carer]

How to regress when you’ve literally never done it and you have no idea what to expect (or it’s been a while)

*turns around in chair like Captain America* so ……. you wanna be tiny.

Awesome! :D

Voluntary regression, when done intentionally, can be immensely fun and healing. Let’s get you set up for success.

Step 1: Set Your Goals

Your goal should never be “to regress” - it may not happen. You may spend all of your time just age dreaming (acting small with your big brain still in). You need to be okay with that.

The reason you’re regressing isn’t the same as your goal. “Because I’m traumatized,” “for fun,” and “for chronic pain” are all valid reasons, but they don’t provide you with the framework for healing that we’re looking for.

Here are some specific, achievable goals:

“I want to relax and have uninterrupted fun after a long day.”

“I want to reparent my inner child through affirmation work, gentle parenting, and rules for self-care.”

“I want to work through trauma I’ve experienced through play so I can experiment with new outcomes for tough situations.”

“I want to complete easy tasks/assignments to give myself a sense of pride and accomplishment.”

“I want to allow myself to trust and be cared for in a way that I am usually resistant to.”

“I want to allow Jesus to speak to me when I feel most vulnerable and receptive to His kindness.”

“I want to improve my self/care habits by making them fun and digestible.”

“I want to revisit childhood/deep-rooted fears so I can work through them with effective coping mechanisms, like journaling.”

Step 2: Selecting Your Tools

Here, you might have seen lists of things that people like to use when they’re little, but rarely do they explain why they like to use them. These lists also may not resonate with older or alternative regressors.

So instead, I will give you categories of things that I believe are relevant to regression, and you fill decide what satisfies it best for you.

Something to wear: do you have clothing that is easy and comfortable to move around in, makes you feel good to wear, and/or gives you sensory input you crave?

Something to watch: do you know of a show, movie, or YouTube channel that holds good memories for you? Is there one out there that piques your interest? It doesn’t have to be “kid-friendly,” but its effect should be comfort and peace, not intellectual or emotional strain. We are not looking for challenge - that is for developing your grownup brain. Many regressors prefer kids media for this reason.

Something to do (with your hands): Stimulating senses other than sight is vital for grounding, especially in today’s online world … and, considering the nature of the work we are doing, you may need it. Painting, sensory sand, going to the beach, swimming, making music, woodworking, crocheting, polymer clay, diamond painting, puzzles, coloring books, and more can all bring out your inner child. Again, we are looking for joy, not challenge; perhaps your local dollar store has a craft kit!

Something to read: are you a scientist who loves learning about animals? A horror fan who loves spooky tales? Do you remember a series from your childhood that brought you joy? Reading is a great way to escape into a simpler world and evade screens, especially if it’s crafted without profanity or triggering subjects. Children’s books may also minister to you in ways that adults failed, such as teaching emotional regulation, socialization, and how to fight common fears.

Something to hold: plushies have been proven to be beneficial for mental health, but a companion doesn’t have to be stuffed! Action figures, dolls, and other friends can be thrifted, bought, or dug up from closets. They provide sounding boards for scary thoughts that get less scary when said aloud, companionship during play, travel, or sleep, and serve as willing recipients of your creative outputs (bracelets, clothing, drawings, etc). And, when you need a hug, your favorite toy can be right there with you in the absence of a human friend.

Something to nibble: food is fuel for the body, but it is also love. Choose foods that are nutritious and fun, just like you’d give a child. My personal faves are Slim Jim’s, pepperoni, berries, nuts, dairy, and veggies with dip. Treats are great too, but spend your tummy bank on nutritionally valuable food first! Regressors also find fun in experimenting with different vessels for food and drinks, like crazy straws, bottles, ZooPals plates, or character dining sets.

Something to play with: ‘play’ has many definitions and types. Below is a short list of types of play. No matter if you like toys or not, gather objects or activities that encourage play.

Symbolic play - using one object to represent another (i.e. a flower becomes a wand - try blocks or play scarves)

Locomotor play - moving play (try roller skates, online exercises/dance classes, or small exercise trampolines)

Creative play - invoking a desired or experimental outcome (try Legos and art supplies)

Deep play and rough-and-tumble play - play that involves bodily risk and movement (try hiking, rock climbing, or swimming)

Dramatic play - orchestrating play without personal involvement (“setting up” elaborate scenes with toys was a big part of my childhood play! Try small toys and accessories like Calico Critters, stuffed animals, or dolls)

Exploratory play - play to gain information (try boxed or homemade science experiments, or simply asking, “I wonder what happens if I …?”)

Fantasy and imaginative play - playing in a way that is unlikely to occur in real life and/or the rules have changed (try dressing up to be a superhero, royalty, animal, etc)

Mastery play - bringing a task to completion (build a campfire, dig holes in sand to fill with water, complete a video game level, etc)

Object play - manipulating objects to learn more about them (common in developing babies and autistic stimming; try fidget toys)

Socio-dramatic play - taking on a role that involves social interaction (I.e. playing house or doctor)

Somewhere to go: novelty can be hugely effective in delighting your inner child. Try hanging out in the backyard, going to a park/museum/aquarium, taking yourself on a “little” shopping spree with a set budget, going to a theme park/state fair, or checking out kids media from your local library. Since you are exiting your safe space, you must be mindful of those around you. This is why I usually recommend this to those who know they will only be age dreaming, unless they are completely alone. For your safety, please do not involve anyone who has not consented in your regression.

Something to see: if you can, decorate your safe space or a portion of your safe space in a way that makes your inner child happy. Try changing your phone wallpaper, collecting figures, displaying stuffies on your bed, putting up wall stickers or drawings you’ve made, or changing your bed sheets.

A note on pacifiers: pacis made for adults are a great way to abate thumb-sucking and unhealthy oral stims. They will shift your teeth only if you use them excessively; try limiting use to an hour at a time, and always wear your retainer if you have one. If you feel pain, stop. Disassemble and clean immediately after use.

A note on diapers: I personally do not use diapers because I don’t want or need them, but should you choose differently, there are lots of creators who have more information on them. Most importantly, they are not shameful.

Step 3: Meeting Your Inner Child

How do you know when you’ve regressed?

When play takes over.

When you find yourself fully engaged in what’s in front of you, finding captivation in the simplest things, you are regressed. It isn’t some magical transformation - you’re just revising a part of you that has always been there, latent. It is an unlocking of childhood whimsy … a state of being easily awed.

Thoughts may simplify; adult reasoning for comfort objects may reduce to a petulant mine. Anxious spirals may be replaced by a simple mama, I’m scared. Thoughtful analyses of character arcs and subplots may sound more like yay, ponies!

If you have an internal monologue, it may disappear, replaced with more primal emotions like “angry” or “scared” or “happy” or “calm.” There have been many times that my husband has asked little me what’s wrong, but instead of words, only sobs make it out of my mouth. Then, when he holds me, a warmth I can’t name fills my chest and makes me sleepy.

What is your inner child like? Are they more or less …

Sensitive?

Chatty?

Energetic?

Creative?

Impulsive?

Experimental?

Outspoken?

Stubborn?

Relaxed?

Giggly?

Curious?

Focused?

Defiant?

Angry?

Expressive?

Your inner child, like all children, is subject to fits and flights of fancy. This is normal! Love them as you would love a normal child.

Step Four: Caring For The Bunchkin

Since our goal is not to regress, we have the freedom to take a third-person point of view while we are in our safe space, check in on ourselves, and see how we are doing.

If your goal is to heal, take things slow. Choose one activity at a time that allows you to explore your deeper thoughts, and allow ample room for fun and relaxation.

Instead of focusing on your trauma and hurt, start by asking yourself - “what are my deepest desires? What am I lacking? What is important to me? What can I give myself that I did not receive?”

Kids’ “About Me” worksheets are a great place to start, since there are no wrong answers. As you get more comfortable being small, try making or completing worksheets that ask the weightier questions.

Caring for with your inner child can be as simple as imagining them like another person. For example:

If you are shameful of your desire to connect with an old fandom, ask yourself why that might be. Did someone tell you that it was shameful? Did you have a bad experience in that fandom? Were you at a turbulent point of your life? What might you say to a child experiencing these emotions now?

If you are reluctant to make noise or take up space, ask yourself why. Did someone tell you that you were ‘too much?’ Were you afraid to be judged? Did someone punish you for getting in their way? What would you say to a child afraid to take up space in your presence?

If you are distressed at the idea of stimming openly while small, ask yourself why. Did someone - or life experience - teach you to mask? Are you afraid of being judged as a “faker?” Are you afraid of looking or feeling incapable in some way? What would you say to a child who is afraid to stim?

If you are upset with yourself for reacting to a trigger, ask yourself why. Do you feel like you should be more healed, or more in control of yourself? Are you afraid of slipping back towards a state you used to be in? Are you afraid of re-experiencing trauma?

What would you say and do for a child who struggles with a trigger?

Showing your little self compassion and modeling joy from an adult headspace is vital. Don’t say anything to your inner child that you wouldn’t say to an actual child.

You may not be quite ready to believe the healing truths you have learned when you are big, but putting them into practice when you are small is a great way to soothe yourself from the inside out.

(I filled up my star chart by making my bed each day! Good job, me! I worked so hard, and now I get a treat!)

(I did a drawing all by myself! I can put it on my fridge now. Wow, I’m so glad I made something today.)

(I went outside, and there are so many cool things to see! What an awesome world I live in.)

Healing can be tough, but it’s so fantastic. It all starts with being kind to yourself. You can do it!

Step 5 - Putting Out Fires

Oh dear, something went wrong, and now a tantrum is afoot. Or a meltdown. Or a flashback. What do we do?

Hold up your fingers like birthday candles and blow them out to encourage deep breathing.

Play a song that makes you feel good, and dance if you can. Physical movement is your best antidote.

Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.

Repeat your affirmations aloud. There is power in hearing something that isn’t your own mental hurricane. “I am loved, I am safe, I am going to be okay.”

Assign the trigger to a stuffie (don’t worry, they are willing participants!). Say, “hey, wait a minute, why should you be in charge? These are MY thoughts! Take that! And that! And that!” Toss your stuffie around and get those crazy thoughts away from both of you!

Assign the trigger to a stuffie, and pretend they are you. What would you say to calm them down and tell them you are here for them?

Get a change of scenery. Go outside, go somewhere else, take a shower or bubble bath.

Scribble your feelings on paper. No, really, go ham. Break some crayons. Then crumple them, tear them, and throw them away.

Most importantly - don’t be mad at yourself.

The debrief - what can we do for next time?

Handle triggers with care, but don’t be afraid of the feelings that accompany them. There is an unmet need somewhere in your soul - what is it, and how can you meet it?

Journaling and affirmations - record what happened and why you think it happened, and then write kind things to and about yourself.

“Do it scared” - push past the lies you have been told about yourself and enjoy things anyway.

I am a Christian, and I live by the phrase: “if it isn’t your reality, make it your prayer.” Even if you don’t believe now that you are safe, loved, and capable, saying these things to yourself constantly will help them be realized.

Obviously, avoiding negative language about yourself in your adult life is the other half of the pizza. Your inner child is doing work for adult you, too! Don’t undermine it!

The Wrap Up

Well, Kiddo, I’m so glad you’re taking this step in your healing journey. A few things to remember before you go:

You may grow out of regression! That’s good! It’s a sign that your inner child is happy and content.

You may never grow out of regression. That’s okay! Your inner child can get love all your life!

Your regression is your business. You don’t have to tell anyone about it if you don’t want to. Choose who you tell very carefully.

Ignore the haters. You’re doing great.

Bye, Kiddo! You are so loved!! 🥰

[fiddleyoumust]

I've been thinking about my taste in historical c-dramas and realized I always lean toward political/palace intrigue over xanxia or wuxia fantasy dramas. So, without further ado, my list of favorite historical c-dramas (with a happy ending) that ground the romance in political power struggles.

1. The Double

Cast: Wang Xing Yue, Wu Jin Yan

Synopsis: After being framed for adultery by her husband and his family, Xue Fang Fei takes on the identity of the deceased daughter of a high-ranking court official in order to clear her family's name and take revenge on the people who wronged her.

This drama is flawless. Both the FL and the ML are two of my favorite characters of all time. They're both smart, funny, and badass in their own way. Their relationship is one of mutual respect and admiration, and the way they fight for and support one another is beautiful and romantic. The villains are fleshed out and great at making you hate everything about them while also understanding their motivations. Wang Xingyue gives an INCREDIBLE performance as Duke Su, and while I think Wu Jin Yan is too old to believably play a teenager, she is a fantastic actress who does a complicated character justice. I really have nothing negative to say about this drama. It's perfect to me.

2. Blossom

Cast: Li Yun Rui, Meng Zi Yi

Synopsis: A chance meeting between a woman leaving her cheating husband and a general helping a second prince overthrow the crown results in both of their deaths, intertwining their fates. When the woman wakes up reborn in her 10 year old body with all her memories intact, she has the opportunity to change her fate, the fate of the general, and maybe the entire country.

Dou Zhao and Song Mo are my parents, full stop. This couple is so good - both smart and capable in their own right, but damn near unstoppable together. Their chemistry is great. Their love and devotion for each other is crazy, and they're both just so, so pretty 🩷. I never found this drama boring, but I have seen some people say they thought the back half drags a bit. I think if you're not fully enamored with the couple, that might be the case since the back half focuses more on palace power struggles, but I'm a political intrigue girlie, so I was hooked the whole time.

3. Are You The One

Cast: Zhang Wan Yi, Wang Chu Ran

Synopsis: An anti-heroine bandit and a vassal Prince army general find their lives entwined when he saves her from near death and uses her resulting amnesia to trick her into thinking they're a married merchant couple in order to use her to catch the mastermind behind her bandit stronghold. As he sinks deeper into his own lies, he desperately tries to cling to their made-up life, fearing the day she regains her memories...

THIS SHOW!!!! My beautiful power couple who outsmart everyone but each other and wield death with knives and swords. This show does so many things right. The palace politics are interesting. The second male lead is compelling and complicated in a way that makes you seriously consider him as a contender. Both of our protagonists are smart, capable fighters who slowly realize they want the same things but have chosen different paths to achieve their goals. Also, the ML is a SIMP, which I am always here for.

4. New Life Begins

Cast: Bai Jing Ting, Tian Xi Wei

Synopsis: Ignored by his Emperor father and neglected by his concubine mother, the 6th prince of Xin Chuan marries the daughter of a farming family from a neighboring country as part of an annual marriage selection. Together, they face the challenges of court politics, royal etiquette, treatment of women, and international relations as the prince's reputation rises in the court of Xin Chuan and he begins to earn the respect of his father.

The ML and FL are great, and their relationship is solid, lovely, and heartwarming. But the real delight of this show is the women and their friendships. The unwavering support and love all the female characters have for one another is the true heart of this show. If you love women supporting women and women fighting for change and equal access to power while a few great men support them, I can not recommend this one enough.

5. The Princess Royal

Cast: Zhang Ling He, Zhao Jin Mai

Synopsis: After 20 years in an arranged marriage, Princess Li Rong has her Prince Consort, Pei Wenxuan, assassinated after she believes he's been slowly poisoning her. She dies from the poison soon after his death and wakes up to find she's gone back 20 years, memories intact, to before she and Pei Wenxuan got married. She quickly realizes that Pei Wenxuan is also back, and the two of them must decide what parts of their past they'll repeat and what parts they can change to avoid their fate.

Li Rong is one of my favorite female characters. She's cold, closed-off, analytical, and so repressed it's painful. She's tries so hard to protect herself, that she ends up missing out on the most important thing in her life the first time around and her bravery in trying to change herself enough to not miss it a second time is breathtaking. Watching fiery and charismatic Pei Wenxuan try to properly win her heart in their second life is one of the most swoonworthy romances I've watched. The politics in the show are engaging, and there is interesting meta to be had around how our desires and how we prioritize those desires affect the course of our lives.

6. The Story of Kunning Palace

Cast: Zhang Ling He, Bai Lu

Synopsis: A wicked Empress is pushed to her death after a coup overthrows the Emperor. She wakes up in her 18 year old body and vows to make different choices this time around. But changing her course is more difficult than she imagined, and things become more complicated when she gets entangled with the man responsible for the coup and her death in her first life.

I thoroughly enjoyed the politics and court drama of this show, but ultimately, it's the performances of Bai Lu, Wang Xingyue, and especially Zhang Linghe as the intense and unhinged Xie Wei, that really make this drama worth watching. Bai Lu's chemistry with both MLs is fantastic, and her scenes with Zhang Linghe are so charged that you'll be holding your breath. They both chew their way through this drama immaculately. Watch it for the simple joy of watching two actors ACT.

7. Melody of Golden Age

Cast: Ding Yu Xi, Ancy Deng

Synopsis: In order to protect her family, the 6th daughter of a low-level court official marries the favored general of the queen dowager in place of her older sister. Neither party wants the marriage, but neither can afford to anger the queen. They decide to bide their time and divorce in a year, but in the meantime, they help one another achieve various goals... and, of course, fall in love for real.

I can't be rational about Ding Yu Xi. If he's in it, I'm tuned in. His chemistry with Ancy Dang is fantastic, and watching his character, Shen Du, slowly melt and fall for his wife, Yan Xing, is so, so enjoyable. I was less interested in the mystery/court politics of this one, but I still liked it a lot. The romance is very good and Shen Du and Yan Xing are dreamy protagonists.

8. Blossoms In Adversity

Cast: Hu Yi Tian, Zhang Jing Yi

Synopsis: The feisty and brilliant daughter of a noble family must find a way to keep all the women and children in her family alive when her grandfather offends the king and gets their family's wealth, property, and status stripped away, as well as all the men banished to a labor camp.

This show is all about the FL, Hua Zhi, for me. She is a fantastic character - strong, sensible, smart, and fearless - while still managing to hold on to her heart and see the good in the people around her. Her love story with the prince/commander lacked something for me. I think I wanted it to be more intense than it was and might have worked better if a different actor played him. But, Hua Zhi, her family dynamics, the court politics, and all of the side characters were beyond enjoyable.

9. Flourished Peony

Cast: Li Xian, Yang Zi

Synopsis: A woman in a terrible marriage makes an escape with only the clothes on her back and a rare potted peony her mother left her. She ends up pawning the peony to the king's flower envoy in order to start a business, and the two become entangled as a result.

The FL, Mu Dan, is a badass. She tackles villain after villain with just her wits and the sheer determination to live her life freely. The ML, Cheng Yang, realizes early on that he's found a kindred spirit, but neither of them are interested in romance at first. I loved that they are genuinely friends for the majority of the show and that the ML trusts Mu Dan to solve her own problems, rarely stepping in to help her because he knows she's strong enough to solve it herself. This show, much like New Life Begins, highlights the horrors of being a woman in this time period. And like New Life Begins, one of the best things about this show is the women Mu Dan collects throughout her journey, building her own little found family. Flourished Peony has a 2nd season on the way that will air some time in the back half of 2025, but the end of S1 is solid and won't leave you hanging if you decide to watch it before S2 comes out.

10. The Rise of Ning

Cast: Zhang Wan Yi, Ren Min

Synopsis: After spending most of her childhood in the country away from her scholarly family, Yi Ning, the black sheep daughter, returns home for her grandmother's birthday. Rivalry between her and her other siblings and cousins cause tension, but she finds an ally in her father's illegitimate son, Shen Yuan, another black sheep who has cultivated a life for himself in the shadows of a family that doesn't acknowledge him. Together, they try to solve the mystery of Yi Ning's mother's death and decades old case involving Shen Yuan's master. A case that puts them in contact with a dangerous man from Ning's past.

Full warning, the romance in this is between Yi Ning and Shen Yuan. Spoiler: No, they're not really siblings. He knows they're not very early on. She finds out much later, and the romance starts after that, but he's very clearly already fallen for her while she still considers him a brother. If the trope bothers you, skip this one.

If you're like me and don't care 😂, this show is great. Yi Ning is a sweetheart with a spine. The second male lead is a combination of incredibly handsome and scarily unhinged, which makes him all the more sinister. Shen Yuan is smart, calm, and deadly - my male lead kryptonite!!!, and his devotion to Ning is so wonderful. I also have a Zhang Wan Yi bias. His face is just very, very good to me. The mystery plot is engaging, and I didn't ever find myself bored with this show.

[heartepub]

studio seventeen presents . . .

welcome to the studio seventeen special collection: kingdoms of dreams and madness! dive into thirteen different stories and celebrate ten years of magic. 🎞 aka, a series featuring the SEVENTEEN members, each inspired by a different studio ghibli film.

▷ PLAY ALL | ☞ SELECT ONE | ♫ OST SAMPLERS

the courage to live 🌱 choi seungcheol.

“my mother used to tell me about the little people who lived under the floors.” — the secret world of arrietty during a forced retreat pre-surgery, seungcheol learns what it means to persist.

the boy who swallowed a star 💫 yoon jeonghan.

“there you are, sweetheart. i’ve been looking everywhere for you.” — howl’s moving castle three things are true: there is a war. there is a curse. there is love. and jeonghan can’t keep running away.

signal flags 🚢 hong joshua.

“i pray for safe voyages.” — from up on poppy hill amid efforts to halt the demolition of the latin quarter, joshua finds himself drawn to the girl hoisting flags every morning.

the path of the wind 🌳 wen junhui.

“everybody, try laughing. then whatever scares you will go away!” — my neighbour totoro junhui observes the highs and lows of the new girl, who sits in front of him in class.

fly once, fly again 🧹 kwon soonyoung.

“flying used to be fun until I did it for a living.” — kiki’s delivery service soonyoung’s attempts to befriend the town’s new witch have varying degrees of success. and then she stops flying.

beautiful, cursed dreams ☁️ jeon wonwoo.

“the wind rises. we must try to live!” — the wind rises all wonwoo wanted was to create beautiful things.

more thicker than forget 🐉 lee jihoon.

“will we meet again some time?” — spirited away when jihoon gets himself in another bind, the gods seem to find it fitting to send the girl who had already saved him once. too bad she doesn’t remember.

take a leap 🐠 lee seokmin.

“life is mysterious and amazing.” — ponyo seokmin is thrown back into his extraordinary childhood when his best friend’s distant cousin pulls the same trick and tries to turn herself human.

heart notes 💌 kim mingyu.

“can’t you be in love without determining your future first?” — whisper of the heart mingyu knows who he dreams of being. scribbling his name in library books to make his crush notice him is not part of that plan, but it could be.

with eyes unclouded 🦌 xu minghao.

“it’s time for both of us to live.” — princess mononoke cursed after an encounter with a rampaging demon, minghao leaves his town in search of a cure.

safflowers and memories 🌼 boo seungkwan.

“how come i let him get so close?” — only yesterday going to the countryside to help harvest safflowers was part of the plan. meeting seungkwan was not.

unfolds and unfolds forever 🎍 chwe hansol.

“that tomorrow never came.” — the tale of the princess kaguya a lost love comes and goes. it only ever lingers in hansol’s dreams.

the girl who fell from the sky 🎺 lee chan.

“the world cannot live without love.” — laputa: castle in the sky chan has been searching for the lost island of laputa, wondering if it even exists. one day, the answer falls right into his arms.

note. all fics will be tagged #svt x ghibli by heartepub. i chose to theme my svt 10-year celebration around my very first post on caratblr (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) i’m awfully late bc life is hectic (as i say every month, unfortunately), but i’m excited to bring these to life!!

count on many of these to be on the longer side since i am too obsessed with ghibli for them to be otherwise. the film plots may not be followed exactly, if it’s necessary to honor the members’ characterization being a bit different from the film’s characters. also, some may be speculative sequels to movies (jihoon’s and seokmin’s). no taglists. but at least one fic will be out by may 26 — see you then!!

[22ayla21]

A Stolen Heart

Hugo, hiding his true identity behind the mask of a collector, saves a delicate florist from a lecherous TOP, abducting her right from under his nose and in front of an entire crowd.

The morning sunbeams pierced through the display window of "Dew Gardening Shop," dancing on the freshly cut flowers. The air was filled with the gentle scent of roses and lilies, mixed with the barely perceptible tartness of greenery. The girl, whose slender fingers were stained with pollen and whose large eyes glowed with serenity, seemed a part of this floral idyll. Her works were not just bouquets, but true masterpieces, for which the owner, Orchidea, always praised her best florist.

That day, the bell above the door melodically jingled, announcing a new visitor. The girl looked up and saw him. Tall, with golden hair tied in a low ponytail, and unusually pale skin. His eyes were different colors – one gray, the other red, which gave his face a special, intriguing expressiveness. He wore a dark, impeccable suit, tailored as if especially for him, emphasizing every line of his stately figure. He exuded respectability and hidden power, which somewhat dissonated with his request.

"I need a bouquet," he said in a low, velvety voice that seemed to envelop the girl, making her cheeks flush slightly. "For... for my sister."

His gaze became momentarily sad, and the girl felt a surge of sympathy. She carefully selected the most delicate and light flowers, putting her whole soul into the bouquet. He watched her work with a kind of concentrated attention, and when she handed him the finished bouquet, their fingers accidentally brushed. A slight smile touched his face.

"Thank you," he said, and there was something more than just gratitude in his voice. "I am Hugo."

She told him her name, and from that day on, their meetings became regular. Hugo came to "Dew Gardening Shop" almost every day. Sometimes he bought flowers, sometimes he just stopped by to talk. He was polite, witty, and what the girl liked most – he knew how to flirt. His compliments were subtle and unobtrusive, and his gaze made her heart beat faster and her cheeks blush. Shy and modest by nature, she blossomed under his attention, feeling special. She liked everything about him – his unconventional appearance, his demeanor, his voice, even the slight touch of drama in his behavior.

Hugo enjoyed these moments. In the girl's presence, he could for a time forget about his double existence, about painful memories, and about having to eat sweets with disgust and nausea. Her sincere kindness and purity reminded him of Serena, of that one soul who had once treated him without prejudice. She was a kind of refuge for him, a quiet harbor where he could be a little less Hugo, the leader of the "Mockingbirds," and a little more just a man.

But the idyll could not last forever in a world where Hugo constantly had to navigate between light and shadow. One day, an old, repulsive TOP, known for his lechery and impunity, entered the shop. He sized the girl up with a brazen look, and then, without the slightest doubt in his power, declared that she would now be his fifth wife. His words sounded like a verdict, and the girl paled, lowering her eyes. Her gaze revealed horror and helplessness.

When Hugo learned of this, rage boiled in his chest. Hatred for injustice, for the arrogant trampling of another's freedom and dignity, flared up in him with new force. He could not allow this delicate girl to fall into the clutches of such a monster. He, a phantom thief, had never abducted people, only valuables, but for her, he was ready to break that rule.

The plan quickly formed: unusual, audacious, and perhaps insane. Hugo knew that the TOP would not tolerate refusal and would come for the girl fully prepared. He decided to play on the publicity, on the excitement that always accompanied his appearances in the Mockingbird mask.

The next day, when the old man arrived for the girl with his retinue right in the bustling square in front of the shop, where a crowd of curious onlookers had gathered, Hugo acted. In the middle of the day, in broad daylight, he appeared – a figure in a dark suit, but now wearing the Mockingbird mask and a hat. The crowd gasped, then began to murmur.

With a swift, elusive movement, like a ghost, Hugo swept through the ranks of the retinue, who had not yet recovered from his sudden appearance. He scooped the trembling girl into his arms, and at that moment, she looked up at him. In her eyes, there was not only fright but also recognition. She saw his multi-colored eyes through the slits of the mask, and everything fell into place in her mind. Whether she recognized him by his familiar scent, or by how he held her, or by a fleeting glance, she knew it was him – her Hugo, her mysterious gentleman from "Dew Gardening Shop."

Before the stunned public, right under the nose of the enraged TOP and his retinue, Hugo, with the girl in his arms, disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared. The square erupted in shouts of surprise, indignation, and admiration. It was a real circus, a spectacle that Hugo orchestrated better than anyone.

In a safe place, when the mask was removed, the girl looked at Hugo not just as a kind visitor, but as the phantom thief who had just stolen her to save her. There was no judgment or fear in her eyes, only surprise and something akin to reverence. She remained silent, and he, feeling her gaze, only smiled faintly. He was a thief, but he had stolen her freedom from a monster, giving her something more in return – his protection, and perhaps, his heart.

[tanadrin]

also not sure how strongly intelligence is really selected for in a strict state of nature environment

Eg: high IQ is also correlated with things like allergies, nearsightedness, neurosis, depression, and lower fertility over lifetime. If intelligence is polygenic, it’s possible that some of those genes aren’t really beneficial to an organism outside of specifically trying to be a theoretical physicist in a developed nation.

if I remember right, turnover point is somewhere around 115-120 IQ and you start to see poorer overall life outcomes?

i have a bunch of thoughts on this, which i guess boil down to the fact i think whatever model you're using to discuss intelligence here doesn't make much sense.

humans are highly social animals whose large brains experienced strong selection pressure to get larger to navigate complex social situations and to improve social coordination; in that sense if intelligence is a unified concept it must be extraordinarily adaptive, because social groups that can coordinate effectively can heavily outcompete social groups that can't. we see this is true even just where new developments in social technology (or non-social technology!) improve the capacity for coordination.

i think the history of hominid evolution is an incredibly clear demonstration that intelligence is massively adaptive. the biggest qualitative difference between humans and chimpanzees is our intelligence, and we hunt chimps for food. the history of australopithecines being supplanted by hominins and then the genus homo winning out and then humans winning out in that genus bc each group had successively bigger brains that were better at coming up with effective tools and coordinating in large groups. the whole process of australopithecine to modern H. sapiens evolution is only 3-4 million years. and remember, the human ancestral environment (so far as such a concept is even coherent) isn't grunting cave men, it's complex social groups capable of strategy and planning and caring for members of the community.

when people say stuff like "intelligence probably wasn't adaptive in the ancestral environment" i think theyr'e also often thinking of intelligence in a stereotypically modern pop-culture way that's pretty shallow, as like just performance on math tests. while nobody was taking math tests in the early pleistocene, the math test is not the central use case for intelligence. memory, abstraction, planning, coordination, tool use, these are all things that benefit massively from intelligence in both social situations and non-social ones. conjuring up the discursive stereotype is of a very smart person is a nerd who's great at a STEM subject but socially inept is not actually invoking a very coherent model of intelligence--which gets in to the way that many of the people who take this perspective are, i think, using this stereotype of intelligence to paper over personal inadequacies. yes, they may think, i am socially inept, but i do well on IQ tests, so i have that going for me. they do not want to admit that they might actually be inept at certain things--that their intelligence might have certain glaring deficiencies. they want to write off the kinds of intelligence that don't flatter themselves as being somehow not "real" intelligence. but, for example, autism is a genuine cognitive deficit, albeit one not always incompatible with doing well academically. it profoundly disables some people, which is why it is a diagnosable syndrome in the first place. and plenty of neurotypical people are intelligent in some ways but have notable cognitive deficits in others.

so while many intellectual faculties correlate, they don't correlate perfectly, and because intellectual talents can be differently distributed between different faculties (or honed in uneven ways), we return to the problem of trying to recover a general factor of intelligence from factor analysis, an enterprise which i think is fundamentally flawed. if that's the case, this conversation is even muddier because there is no one general factor of intelligence we can treat as being acted on uniformly by selection effects, and what we really ought to be doing is trying to distinguish different but overlapping cognitive faculties. in that case it may be true that whatever ability to manipulate extremely sophisticated mathematical abstractions that terence tao has really isn't adaptive in the ancestral environment, but clearly a lot of much more mundane abilities that we associate with intelligence in informal discourse are.

[daylighted]

Do u think baby would mention the things she’s seen dean do in the car? I feel like that would be the most funny and awkward (on deans part) conversation

omfg yes 😭😭 yes she would bring it up bc she has no semblance of shame and yes it would be just as awkward as u are imagining. something like ...

"dean?"

that innocent voice never meant anything good, dean had come to realize, so it's with great reluctance that he turns to face you, that typical brace-for-impact wince on his face.

"how come when sam drives you're not back here with me?"

literally, you could not have caught him further off guard, because what kind of question is that? your questions tended to have a million hidden meanings and things he was just supposed to innately know, and so he smiles a little. "word that better for me, will ya?"

common occurrence. some of your questions became a tad more intelligible with the request, sometimes they only ended up confusing the both of you more.

expectedly, your face contorts into wild irritation. it's amazing how much attitude one person could have within them, especially one that did not even know that you were acting bratty. "you like girls in the backseat."

dean blanches. "what?"

your face is more furious now, somehow. at this point, though, he really is avoiding the question at hand, so at least your irritability is justified. "i am a girl. and you always used to have girls in the backseat, laying on them."

laying on them. yeah.

"naked."

there it was.

sam glances up from behind the laptop screen with a grimace. he meets dean's eyes and shakes his head, grabbing the convenient investment he'd made and plugging the earbuds into his ears. great. so this was all on dean.

you are still going though, taking his silence for the avoidance that it was. "i can get naked! i do not care. if you only sit with the naked girls, fine. i will—"

"you are so damn cute, baby," dean says, muffled by the hand he scrubs over his face, "i can't stand it."

"then sit it," you shoot back at him, lips twisted into a fiery pout. "every other girl in the universe has had you sitting back here with them. but you won't sit next to me."

dean frowns. every other girl in the universe is a bit of an exaggeration, but, sure. he'll take the bait. "it's not been that many."

"it's so been that many. i remember."

your memory was about as selective as a toddler's hearing, so that evidence was out the window.

dean crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back in the wooden dining chair he sat in, rocking on its back legs. "and what do you wanna do with me in the backseat, huh?"

"sit!" borderline shouted, like it was the easiest answer in the universe and not something that was practically life or death for dean. "i want to sit next to you. i hate leaning forward in the middle to talk to you guys. that is not safe."

now you were schooling him on road safety.

it's the genuine hurt on your face that makes him take pause. sometimes, these conversations were funny, or amusing, or just as uncomfortable as this one was. sometimes, though, dean didn't take in the account that every word out of your mouth was genuine. no corners cut, no beating around the bush.

"every other girl in the universe has gotten to sit next to you," you repeat, slower this time, your voice so much smaller. god, you really were so damn cute; he couldn't stand it or sit it. "and they were so happy about it. they were saying yes so many times. i wanna say yes."

his lips thin to try and repress the smile. it was not funny. this was serious. you felt like an enigma (and you were, but that certainly wasn't going to make you feel any better right now. the least dean could do was pull his head out of the gutter and grant you the reassurances you needed.

"how about, next car ride, i sit back there with you?" dean asks, raising his eyebrows to punctuate the question. "or we kick sam to the backseat and you sit up there with me? then you can talk my ear off."

you stare at him for a long while, seeming to contemplate it. without answering, you reach over to tap sam on the shoulder, prompting him to tug an earbud loose. "dean wants to kick you to the backseat so i can sit up front this time."

sam's mouth opens and closes a couple of times, completely lost. "...okay?" he looks over at dean with that same grimaced wince from earlier.

dean shrugs. "you were incapable of defending yourself. shut yourself out of the world, lose your freedom of choice in seats."

"new car rule?" sam's cheeks dimple with the force of his thin smile. "it was fine when you made up all those rules when we were kids. not fun anymore."

another shrug. "baby's choice."

he was right, though. dean hadn't implemented car rules since he'd inherited (hijacked, really, but semantics) baby from his dad's clutches, years ago. the fact that your arrival was causing dean to make up new things to make you happy and comfortable was...

not something he wanted to think about, thanks.

expectedly, that happiness radiates off of you like its own heat source, warm and inviting. your hands clap together quickly, grin wide enough to blind a car driving by the motel.

"yes, yes, yes!" you say, all of that genuine joy on your face somehow keeping dean's head out of the gutter, too blinded by it to care about any sort of innuendo. "see? i already sound like all the other girls in the world."

sam closes his eyes, breathing a sigh out of his nose. "alright. i'm done here." the earbud goes right back in, leaving dean and you staring across the table at each other.

fuck. he was screwed.

[saeun]

ꪆ୧ ── REAP WHAT YOU SOW ┊ LOVE TO LOSE ﹑ JJK. ⤿ starring: gojo satoru x fem!reader.

꒰ heart to none ﹢ if only he knew karma would come back to bite his ass a few years later. now he misses his ex while she's moved on.

𖧷 · love, ‘su: nothing much!! just moments of him suffering

co-parenting with satoru truly isn't all butterflies. as reserved and respectful as he is (to a selected few), satoru never hesitated to taunt you whenever you mentioned going on dates.

“a date? hmm, good luck with that.”

“if it happens to kick off, good for you, but i don't want him near my child.”

“how exciting! i hope it fails.”

those are just some examples of his behaviour. he's vocal about disliking you and the idea of sharing you. had he known beforehand he'd become slightly possessive, he would've avoided you and relationships altogether.

loving someone his mind hates but his heart longs for isn't an experience he'd wish upon his worst enemy — it's too much. the wretched feeling in his chest deepens whenever he's with the kid; scenarios of you being beside him at that very moment flashes before his eyes, but his pride's too high to crash whatever you're doing.

that doesn't stop him from texting, however. he never had an issue with double—triple texting you. if he had something to say (which is never anything important), he'll say it.

satoru: hey.

satoru: did you forget you have a family at home?

satoru: my child's asleep btw, we had fun all day.

you: my* child. not yours.

satoru: so what am i, an elf on babysitting duties?

you: sure if that's what you want. now stop texting my phone.

satoru: what if i'm dying?

you: i'd pop some champagne. throw something on the grill. light up a cigarette, even.

satoru: you don't even like cigarettes.

you: exactly. now bye i'll be there for six.

yeah, there's no doubt that you'll never entertain him again. he, too, wouldn't entertain himself if he was in your position. sure, he was an ass in the relationship but— you're both older and wiser. maybe you can put the differences aside and come together? a flat no is what you'd answer.

satoru doesn't even hear from you often; most of your activity reports come from your child who excitedly tells their father the details, wishing he was there.

“you guys had fun. i wish i was there too, bub.”

a sentimental tone settled in his voice. he's suffering the consequences of his actions, and he desperately needs you to help him through it.

just like old times: you'd be there for him, going along with whatever he needed to calm down. whether it's wanting to be in you or on you— as long as your arms were wrapped around him.

but it's all a memory now. a bitter one.

do you show your vulnerable side to the guys you date, too? do you hold them the way you held him? do they even know what you like? do they know you the way he knows you?

jealousy, regret, longing— everything mixes in his mind. his stomach aches. it feels as though his insides are hollow.

he adores your child. they look mostly like him, but the personality stems from you. the attitude, tantrums, even the way they hold things — it's all you. he guesses the kid's observed you and eventually picked up your habits. satoru relates; after all, he still has some of your habits he picked up.

as the clock ticks on, his fingers hover over the keyboard on his phone. somehow, he found himself in your pinned chat— debating whether he should text or not. he's been typing and deleting for the past ten minutes. unless you're not on the app, there's no way you didn't notice the ‘typing...’ under his contact name.

satoru: i've been thinking.

(message deleted)

satoru: fuck your date let's get back together.

(message deleted)

satoru: or whatever you're doing right now. let me apologize — it's been years. our baby's four now.

(message deleted)

satoru: hey.

you: what's with these deleted messages?

you: are you okay?

he wonders. is he okay? would you come over if he said no? are you going to be mad if he re-sent what the deleted messages said?

satoru: uhhh yeah. everything's fine.

satoru: i'm bored that's why.

satoru: you should totally come over.

you: no.

you: talk to you later.

satoru: please? i'm serious.

you: fine.

satoru: might as well spend the night.

(message deleted)

satoru: thanks.

(message delivered)

“well fuck...” he sighs, raking his fingers through his hair. he doesn't have anything to say nor do with you. actually, he does — he has quite a few, but he wouldn't push your buttons. he'd love to, but the chances of him receiving a slap is high.

[lazyjellyfish300]

𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒅, 𝒊'𝒎 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒅 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 1 🦢𓍼ོ 𑜞᭄ೃ

𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒊 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌 𝒅𝒂𝒚 3 ~ 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒚, 𝒌𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒐. ♥︎

🦢nanami kento x fem!reader

🦢 synopsis: in the present day, elderly kento nanami reads you the story of your love, in the hopes that you'll remember him.

🦢 part 1 of 3.

🦢 part 1 | part 2 | part 3

🦢word count: 7.9k

🦢cw: minors dni, smut (p in v, awkward virginity loss, fingering, cum, creampie, infidelity, condom use, makeout), entirely based and inspired on the film adaptation of The Notebook by author Nicholas Sparks, all credit to the original owners, fluff, angst, grief, war, character deaths, aging, memory loss, scarred!nanami kento, jjk spoilers possibly, non curse au, pining, breakup

🦢a/n: my nanami week day 3 entry for the big day.🥳🎂🎁🎈

happy birthday, kento darling. love you in every lifetime. 💕 sparkle dividers by @/anitalenia. swan dividers by @/fairytopea.

🦢 my nanami week masterlist

By all accounts, I am an ordinary man. 

I've lived an honest life, worked in a respectable profession. I saved enough money to retire. I've passed by with minimal regrets. My legacy has been about as exceptional as anyone else's. 

In another respect, I have had the privilege of knowing what it means to love another with all my heart and soul. 

Because of this I can say:  I have done more than enough. 

----

His navy button down hangs on the right side of the closet where it always did, beige dress pants folded neatly on the dresser where a pair of glasses and a watch lay on top to be applied in chronological order. It was tidy in a way that would suggest routine in its owner that was rarely deviated from. 

It's how he's always been, and how he always will be until the last breath leaves his lungs. 

A spotted necktie used to adorn his neck, though he hadn't worn it in some time due to the arthritis in his fingers. 

Someone else used to tie it for him, although an instance like that had occurred long since before the last time he wore it. 

Kento looks back at himself in the mirror as he runs both hands through the sides of his hair, using his water stained fingers to tuck away any unruly strands, save for the faint cowlick on the back left of his head due to the faded scarring from years past that never truly goes away no matter how much he tames it. 

He had never been self conscious per se, aside from the scars, although he always took pride in his appearance and became keenly aware of his symptoms brought upon him by aging. 

He did his best to ignore them. He knew his time was better spent than worrying about anything superficial. But, it was always instinctual for him to notice and upkeep how he looked, as it was something engraved in him by his parents. 

His skin is wrinkled, crows feet around his kind, singular amber eye and the socket where the left one used to reside, now covered by an eyepatch. The worry lines of his forehead are more pronounced that convey the years of memories and experiences behind them.

His figure is soft with a more pronounced belly, a sign of a well enjoyed life with evidence of comfort from indulging in a loved one's regular home-cooked meals. 

Still, his trusty dress shirt fits snugly across his shoulders all the same, slightly hunched now, an ember in his eye that never dulled that portrayed that hidden charm of his he possessed to anyone lucky enough to observe eventually past his initial reservedness. 

Despite the changes, his beauty never budged. It merely shifted gracefully with the passage of time, even more so when he selectively spoke.

He spent more of his time nowadays thinking than speaking. Wisdom and perceptiveness had always been characteristic of the thoughts that came out of his mouth, but even more so now with more years behind him than the remaining ones that awaited him.

 

Kento walks intentionally down a well lit hallway, his brown polished dress shoes faintly echo with each step, a worn book in his right hand.

His destination is uncertain to anyone walking past, but it becomes more apparent as he stops to wait in line at a desk with a line of other older men like himself to receive his medication, before he crosses into a new corridor, the sunlight showcasing the illumination of the fine metal wrapped around the ring finger of his left fist. 

"Morning." A few fellow residents nod to him, and he nods back in polite acknowledgement. 

"Good morning." 

"I keep trying to die but they won't let me." A more jovial passerby jokes. 

Kento's lips press together with amusement, though not stopping his pace. "You can't have everything, I suppose." 

He pauses outside of a door, smoothing over the non-existent wrinkles on his stomach before he knocks carefully, a kind nurse in white answers with a smile. 

"Good morning, Mr. Nanami." 

-----

The light on the pond becomes less dull as the sun starts to breach the horizon, the sound of cicadas persist even beyond the pale blue walls of your room. 

These days you don't get much sleep, but sitting by the window lately brings you more solace than laying in bed. The swans and geese in particular are enjoyable to watch, little trickles of water spraying off their feathers as they groom themselves and crane their necks with distant honks, little fluff balls of their babies in a row, paddling close behind. 

You try and count each one, before a voice rudely interrupts your train of thought. 

"Ma'am? You have someone here to see you." 

Your frustration is quickly forgotten as two people enter the room. The one on the left you can't place, although it seems to be different people in the same colored robes. Usually they come with a message of sorts or have some sort of task for you to do. They're all quite a nuisance but that consistency about them at least makes it easier to identify. 

"This is Mr. Nanami. He's come to read to you." 

"What? Reading?" 

"Mhmm." The nurse nods with a smile.

Kento waits patiently next to her, his head lowered slightly out of respect to not meet your gaze so directly. He acknowledges you with a polite nod after her introduction.  

There's something unsettling about this mystery man. You don't know why, but the thought of being forced to sit next to him while he drones on endlessly sounds insufferable. He's suspiciously neat and well groomed. Why should you allow yourself to be around him, alone? 

"Um, I don't know." You answer curtly, smoothing your skirt, pausing to pick at a frayed thread. 

"Come now, you'll like him, he's a very good storyteller." The nurse coaxes with a saccharine tone. 

He still doesn't move, just waits patiently in the silence for as long as you need to make your decision. The suspicion isn't lifted from you entirely just yet, but his quiet nature makes him a bit more approachable. 

Finally, you nod and walk towards him, reluctantly taking his arm that he offers you and not letting the nurse out of your sight until you're well down the hallway. 

----

The sunroom is well lit. Humidity and sunshine leak in from the window screens, bestowing a calming view of the retirement home gardens with shrubbery surrounding all sides. A few other residents are sitting in chairs outside, some read, some stroll, partaking in various activities underneath the pleasant weather. 

The beach sat further down the horizon, cycling in seaside salt with the subtle gust of wind that would blow occasionally. 

He pulls out a chair at the white iron table, allowing you to sit down comfortably before he concerns himself with his own seating arrangement, grunting as he sits down. 

"Where were we?" He uses the tip of his middle finger to adjust his lenses, opening up the pages of the worn book he was carrying. 

"Ah. I remember." He utters, tracing his finger along the print until he lands at the spot he was looking for. 

"We had just begun the first chapter. It was the night they met, at the fair. Kento was there that night with his friend, Yu."

You quirk a brow.

Kento.

His name sounded foreign to you, but something about this setting rings a bell to a tune you might have heard before.  

Kento summarizes over the spine of the open book. "They met in Kuantan in the middle of June before they were going to start university in the fall. Both young adults with no inkling of just how life changing that first night would be." 

----

More than 60 years earlier.

Kuantan.

If you could live there year round, you would. The atmosphere of the seaside and all the scents and sights that gripped you with nostalgia for summers gone by immersed you all at once as your car rolled onto the gravel of your family's summer home. 

The humidity carried promise and freedom, something in the air that was as intoxicating and romantic as it was fleeting. You were at an age where you were practically jumping at the opportunity for independence, a future at a pristine university with a promising road to success neatly and carefully laid out for you by your watchful parents who were still trying their hardest to keep you under their thumbs. 

The marble floors resounded under your heels as you crossed the threshold, breathing in and reuniting with its fond scent while your parents' household staff quickly sorted and tended to your belongings. 

You hummed contentedly as you built up the anticipation in your mind for the evening to come as you changed your outfit and got cleaned up.

You had planned an evening outing to the local fair with your very best friend who had also come to stay for the summer, along with her new boyfriend. 

"We're expecting you home before midnight." Your mother said as more of a scold than a statement. 

You rolled your eyes as you walked out the door and into the summer air, where their crushing expectations couldn't control you at least for a few hours. 

----

The smell of smoke was rich with barbecued meats, and deep fried goodies fresh and piping hot from the hands of street vendors. A bell resounded and distant screams of delight could be heard from attendees indulging in the thrills and sights the festivities offered them. 

Kento scanned the scene around him, recognizing well that it was one that wasn't meant for him, but he came anyway with lots of assurance, encouragement, or perhaps pressure with a side of guilt from his conversely outgoing best friend, Yu Haibara. 

"Dammit!" Yu grunted in frustration as the metal ball rolled up the staff of the carnival game, just missing the bell, but accepting his mild defeat as he walked away with a small stuffed bunny as a consolation prize. 

"Well, there's something!" He tosses it and catches it in midair as he and Kento make their way back towards the bumper cars where they left Yu's girlfriend to meet up with some unknown group of friends. 

He and Haibara come to a stop, leaning on the railings as they watch the ongoing round of bumper cars, searching the sea of bobbing and clashing metal in the arena for your best friend. 

"Hi, honey!" Yu beams as he holds up his winning prize to his sweetheart. "I won ya a little something!"

 

"Ahhh thank youuuu baby!" Your best friend giggles shrilly back to him, snorting as she gets abruptly t-boned in the side. 

That's when Kento notices you, in the offending purple buggy. Your head is thrown back upon the impact, hibiscus in your hair, and lovely lips falling open in an eye catching smile. 

The sound that pours out of your throat is hearty and melodious that makes you double over slightly under the weight of its merriment. It's contagious. It has a very notable effect on him that he can't place in this exact moment as it happens.

"What's her name?" The question mumbles past his lips uncontrollably. 

Yu gives him a smile and nods in your direction, giving him your name.

Now, Kento simply didn't ask about strangers, much less girls that Yu brought around. Based on what he knows of his trusted friend, the person would have to be pretty damn special for him to raise such a rare inquiry. 

"She's here on summer vacation. Father's retired military and works in finance. He's got more money than God."

He watches you drive away as you're still enthralled in the experience, throwing your head back.

You radiate absolution to him. Your eyes look like possibility and freedom wrapped into one. Your daring concentration as you maneuvered your buggy was playful. The desire to know the mechanisms behind it were slowly pulling at his heartstrings, leaving his hands clammy. It's unlike any reaction he's experienced when clapping eyes on a stranger in a sea of nameless faces. 

But to him, yours was begging to be uttered. 

He knows far better than to imagine that you'd ever give someone like him the time of day. 

-----

You're in a fit of laughter when you exit the ride, arm in arm with your best friend with an entourage behind you. 

Your best friend is quickly swept up into her boyfriend's arms, Yu. You throw Yu a smile, pausing to let the lovebirds reunite and so he can present her with her consolation prize.

That's when you notice him.

He's tall, and a little gangly. His long blond bangs fall a little bit in his eyes from where they were messily tucked behind his ear as he moves his head. You're startled to discover a pair of very warm, very tender brown eyes, not the color you'd expect in someone with hair as golden as his, underneath dark expressive brows that furrow with a stoicism at first that you would not expect in someone his age. 

He has a long slender nose and thin, pretty pink lips.  But the most notable thing about him is his predisposition. He's quiet, humble. He doesn't speak up, and he appears to be out of place. You can tell he's uncomfortable in this kind of setting.

You want to know his name, you want to hear his voice. 

"Have we met?" You ask him. 

That voice of yours he traced in the melody of your laugh moments ago startles him when he hears it plainly for the first time. Especially now that he knows your name, and you don't know his. 

You're stunning up close, eyes framed by long lashes in a doe-ish expression that seemed all but natural to you. The glow catches his cheeks off guard in a healthy shade of pink. 

"Uhm, n-no, we haven't." He clears his throat. 

You give him your name and he gives you his hand. He pulls away rather hastily, cheeks now graduated to a deep red when he realizes the sweaty handshake he just subjected you to. 

You notice, but you pretend not to. If anything the interaction just made him appear more human, more real.

"Kento Nanami."

 

"Kento." You repeat. "Do you live around here?" 

"Not until recently." He clears his throat. "I'm working this summer until I can attend school in the city. 

"Really, what do you do?" 

"Um." He blushes and looks down. 

It wasn't that he was ashamed of his job, but it certainly wasn't one that was helpful when it came to impressing a woman of your caliber who belonged with someone who was older, more established perhaps, and with certainly more wealth than he could provide, which was only enough for himself. 

"I'm a wood worker's apprentice." He admitted sheepishly. 

"Really? I find that fascinating." You lean on your hip. "I've always been impressed with craftsmanship." 

He smiles and blushes. "Well, my grandfather was good at it. I had a knack for making things when I was younger. It gives me a good start." 

"There you are." 

A new voice interrupts and the owner slips his arm around your shoulder, pulling you a little closer into his chest with a slightly possessive air that doesn't go unnoticed. Kento snaps his head looking at the guy next to you. 

"Was looking all over for ya. He's not bothering you is he?" Naoya jests in your direction. 

Kento turns red, lowering his face, both in shame and simmering in anger he doesn't wish to show.

He knew Naoya looked down on him. He was educated, smart, rich. A certainly more engaging prospect for a girl like you in just about every way. 

"No, not at all." You answer confidently, giving Naoya a stern look. 

Naoya is a little thrown off by this. Surely you wouldn't want to be stuck talking to someone like Kento when he was right there?

Naoya clears his throat and tries to shift the conversation. 

"Well I promised you a funnel cake, didn't I, doll?" 

You flinch a little at the nickname, dissuaded by Naoya's persistence, but decide you don't want to cause a scene. 

"Sure, why not?" 

"Fantastic." He flashes a flawless smile at you and then at Kento a little more condescending. "If you'll excuse us." 

"Not at all." Kento mumbles, shuffling out of the way, face shooting bright red again when Naoya subtly bumps his shoulder on the way past, looking longingly in your direction as he let yet another opportunity sail him by. 

---

You can feel Kento watching you two the entire time. He definitely doesn't make things subtle from where he's sitting with Haibara and his girlfriend. 

You and Naoya are sharing a funnel cake, and you're doing your best to pretend like you're listening to everything he's saying, your face burning underneath Kento's longing gaze from the other side, tucking some hair behind your ear as you try to be normal, distracting yourself with the piping hot taste of the pastry with powdered sugar and strawberry syrup. 

Kento decides to get up to see you himself, walking towards your table blindly before his actions can catch up to his brain, running purely on this courage that seemed to come out of nowhere, along with many other things changing inside him in a way that didn't make any sense ever since he heard your name. 

He walks and as he passes, almost trips on Naoya's foot. 

"Do you mind?" Naoya hisses in contempt. He stands up. Kento is tomato red but he doesn't back down to Naoya. 

"Naoya!" You chastise him as you stand up, walking in front and shielding Kento from Naoya getting in his face. 

"C'mon, let's get out of here." You turn, murmuring to Kento, taking him by the hand. 

Kento does his best to resist the urge to smile and breaks out in red once more as you lead him away. 

Yu and your best friend watch you both with knowing grins, leaving Naoya fuming in the dust. 

---

The sunset has now subsided. 

You're in a corner of the outskirts of the fair that's more quiet and removed from the rest. You walk further down until coarse sand begins to squish underneath the soles of your feet. You both laugh as you try and trudge through, but give up and take off your shoes, holding them in your hands as you walk side by side on the beach. 

"I'm sorry for what happened back there." You apologize to him. 

"Not at all." Kento shakes his head. "It was my fault for tripping next to him." He laughs and then lets the silence mull over for a moment. "...What do you see in him, if I may ask?" 

"He's just a friend." You answer. "More of an acquaintance. Our dads went to military school together." 

"Oh, I see." Kento nods, trying to act like relief wasn't absolutely flooding his entire body in this moment. "So, what are your parents like, and your family?" 

"Well, they've always been pretty strict." You sigh as you reflect. "Every morning I wake up at 7 am. I have tennis lessons, then piano lessons. French tutor, Spanish tutor, English. Math. Science. Then I have lunch, more studies. Dinner. Then I have quiet time with my family. And...before bed I try to catch up on some reading if I can." 

Kento looks surprised at the extensive list. "That's quite a regimen. Are you attending university?" 

"I have a few applications I've submitted. Just waiting for replies." You hum, fiddling with the straps of your sandals in your hands as you stumble. 

Kento can't help but notice a little bit of dullness in your words compared to the spark you had earlier. There's something deeper going on behind all your studies, all this pressure he suspects you must be under. 

"Is there anything... you like to do just for yourself?" Kento asks. 

You stop, looking out at the waves, the indigo sky hanging above as you pondered something nobody had ever asked you before. 

"Um..I write." 

"You write? Really?" Kento looks at you, a little surprised by your answer. 

"Yeah. Little stories, poems, and the like." 

"Can I ask what about?" He inquires as you two begin strolling slowly side by side again. 

"Mostly romance." You stifle a laugh, a bit embarrassed, but also a bit surprised at how quickly you felt yourself peeling back these layers, speaking out loud about things not even the closest people in your life knew about with someone who was a complete stranger just an hour ago. 

"Heh, you know, that doesn't surprise me too much." Kento tucks a strand of blond behind his ear, a little warmth he can't help but feel as you revealed this unknown part of you.  

"What's that supposed to mean?" You smile. 

"Nothing bad, just makes the most sense. My mother is a writer, too. She also writes romance." 

"No way? That's so neat." You marvel at him. 

"But what about you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. Tell me about your parents, and what you like to do with your free time." 

"Um, well." Kento hesitates, but figures he'd better be honest.

It couldn't be all that bad if you had elected to spend your evening walking next to him on this deserted beach instead of with someone more suited to you like Naoya Zenin. 

"You know, I'm not sure what I like to do. I haven't had free time in a while...but my parents..I  haven't spoken to them in a few months. I graduated early and wanted independence, and so I moved out here." He nods and gestures to the town. 

You nod slowly, listening to every word. 

"My father was always kind of hard on me." He admits. "He's a good man, don't get me wrong. I suppose we've always just seen things differently despite how alike we are."

"What about your mother? Are you close with her?"

 

"Very close." He nods. "But she understands I wanted to do things on my own and needed my space from my father." 

"What does he do?"

"He works in finance." 

"So your mother's a writer and your father's a banker. What are you going into?" 

Kento blushes. "Finance." 

"Huh, the irony." 

"Yeah, that's if I can save enough to afford tuition though." Kento points out. 

"Well, I have faith in you." 

"Thank you." 

You both stare at one another, having run out of things to talk about. 

"Well..." 

"Well?" 

After a minute, Kento chuckles, turning away. 

"What's so funny?" 

"Nothing I just. Heh, just thinking." 

"About what?" You quirk a brow. 

"Just ironic how you ended up talking to someone like me. You've got your whole life ahead of you and I'm just a nobody." 

"You're not nobody, Kento. You're somebody to me. You're a hell of a lot more kind, more down to earth and wise than half of the guys I've met. And I mean that wholeheartedly." 

Kento blushes. "Thank you." 

The silence simmers between you even more, then you get an idea. 

"One sec."

You turn and walk a ways down the beach. You look around, and when you're reassured nobody else is there, you lay down, close to the water so that the waves barely kiss the area below your feet. 

"What are you doing?" He asks, walking closer.

You're sprawled out, a smile on your face, staring up at the stars. 

"Back when I was little, my parents and I would come out here to the beach. Just lay by the waves and look at the stars. Sometimes fall asleep." 

"The tide is coming in." Kento looks on nervously. "Will you get up?" 

"That's your problem." You hum, closing your eyes for a moment. "You don't do things for yourself, then you wonder why you can't figure out what makes you happy." 

Touché. 

Kento looks both ways as though he needs permission. Who was he kidding? 

"Fine." 

You feel the ground shift as Kento lays next to you in the sand, the warmth from his body achingly close. 

You couldn't help but wish for more of it from where you laid but you stayed perfectly still. 

Kento closes his eyes too, filling his senses with nothing but the pull and gentle recede of the waves, the mist of sea salt, the droning from the fair that were all but distant at this point, the rise and fall of your chest next to his more obvious, the simple sensation of laying on the beach is suddenly a very relaxing one. 

One he had not realized until he had the courage to do it with you. 

"Reading." He murmurs.

"Mm?" 

"You asked me what I like to do for me...and I love to read." He says softly, turning his face towards the sound of your voice. 

"Like what, Kento?" 

"Literature...the classics. Just, stories that make you think."

Suddenly, the waves get quiet and you sit up, noticing they've receded far from the shore. 

"Oh shit!!" 

Kento's eyes snap open, sitting up as you both scramble to stand in a frenzy and hold onto each other, screaming as a huge wave surges towards the beach at blinding speed.  

"AHHHH!" You scream as it completely obliterates both of you, soaking your clothes and making you both fall flat on your stomachs. 

The ocean falls back. 

Kento coughs and sputters, clearing the sting of salt from his eyes and nostrils. You chuckle, slowly then fall into a pit of hysterical, ugly laughter, holding your sides like they were about to split open.

"What...pfffbbbttt....what's so funny?" Kento asks, scowling as he tries to clear his ear of salt water. 

You continue howling like a hyena, the sound disharmonic but hearty and...oddly endearing. You squeezed your knees together to not piss yourself from all the laughter. 

"Why are you laughing?" Kento scoffs, unable to stay immune to the contagion of your merriment. 

"Oh...that was...that was fun, heh heh..." You breathe out, getting a grip. 

Both of you are soaked from head to toe, your flowing skirt clinging to your figure, hair kissed with salt from the sea reducing it to its natural texture with the hibiscus blossom still intact by your right ear, skin shining with the dusky aura of the quickly fading sunset.

You were such a vision that it inspires Kento to ask a question that was unlike him.

"Will you dance with me?" He offers you his hand. 

"Sure." You answer with a grin, taking his outstretched fingers. 

His grip is graceful, the kind of firmness that relaxes when he's handling something delicate. You warm at the thought of him exercising such care when it comes to you. 

He pulls you into his chest, simply swaying with you on the beach to a non-existent melody, wet clothes and all. 

"We don't have any music." You whisper, gazing up into those puppy brown eyes, soft and meek in expression but anything but mild in their depth. 

He begins to hum, softly, somewhat poorly, but the low pitch of his voice carries a melody that could be improved if he worked on it. 

"You're a horrible singer." You chuckle with a smile, before it slowly fades as he pulls you even closer, laying your head on his shoulder. 

"But I do love this song..." 

"I'll be seeing you

In all the old familiar places

That this heart of mine embraces

All day through

In that small cafe

The park across the way

The children's carousel

The chestnut trees

The wishing well

I'll be seeing you

In every lovely summer's day

In everything that's light and gay

I'll always think of you that way..."

-----

Present Day

"Summer romances start for one reason or another. But Kento found himself portraying a remarkable imagining of a young man falling head over heels for a girl who came from a world different than him. They were both speeding headfirst down a path that they had no business of traveling with no regard for the consequences." 

"They fell in love, didn't they?" You interrupt with a smile on your face as Kento reads to you, scooting your chair just a little closer.

Kento peers over the pages, reading spectacles perched on the bridge of his nose, holding back a smile as you slowly began to pick up on the premise of the story. "Yes. They did." 

"Good. I love these kinds of stories. Go on." 

-----

The summer days were long and the months were short. Every afternoon and evening belonged to him. 

Every moment you could sneak away from your studies, you were riding your bicycle as fast as you could down the dirt beaten path to the lumber yard where he worked, following the smell of smoke and freshly chopped palms. 

Kento gave you that humble smile, his heart soaring in his chest as he saw you ditch your bike, practically sprinting at him full speed into his arms to attack him with kisses, a bit of pride swelling in his belly as all his fellow lumbermen wondered how in the hell the quiet lanky kid from Tokyo managed to win the heart of someone like you. 

Your favorites were riding on the handles of his bike, his cheek pressed against yours as you balanced near the basket, speeding down the road with your friends to the beach where you'd swim and lose track of time on the boardwalk for hours, sharing shaved ice and savory treats from food trucks with what cash Kento had in his pocket from a days work. 

Other days you spent galavanting through the city streets with a pair of earbuds listening to Sleeping with Sirens, wandering into ice cream shops and kissing the melted vanilla off his nose until he pulled you into the alley for more kisses. 

----

It was an overcast day that promised rain with all the building clouds around the desolate beach. The foamy waves beat against the rocks and a cluster of seagulls scatter as you bolt towards them, swimsuit coverup floating away in the breeze with your hibiscus in your hair as you splash in the water. 

"WOOOOOO! Ken, come on!" 

Kento walks bashfully behind you with pink cheeks with both your shoes in his hands, pants rolled up to his ankles. Normally he'd be self conscious of his surroundings but he learned quickly after dating you to get used to it. 

It was a beautiful sight, seeing you so open, so free from worry with blissful elation in the water that he couldn't help but succumb to your warmth that made him feel safe. Even more so since he felt honored that he could be the one to provide that space for you. 

"Do you think I could be a bird in another life, Kento?" You ask as you twirl around, grinning mischievously as you pranced through the water. 

Kento tries to ignore the way the fabric clung to your thighs, the way just a dash of wind in your hair made him feel even younger than he already was, like he could be a little boy back on the playground with a flower for you behind his back, giving up the cookie his mother packed in his lunch just to see you smile, and feeling his heart skip at the moment you arrived every morning at the bus stop. 

"What do you mean?" He manages to ask. 

"Reincarnation, Ken. We could be two birds." 

He quirks a brow at the comment. "Let me guess, you'd want me to build us a little nest made out of sticks in a tree?"

 

"Exactly! I'd be the momma bird, you'd be the daddy bird." 

Kento shakes his head despite the stubborn affection afflicting him, watching you spin around, making cawing noises. You were taking being a bird quite seriously. 

"Say I'm a bird, Ken." 

"No." 

"Say I'm a bird." You repeat, this time as a playful threat as you lower your head, getting ready to pounce on him. 

"No I'm not going to—" 

Kento's eyes almost bug out of his head as you wind up and run at him, shoes falling out of his hands as you jump into his arms. 

"GAHHHH say it, Ken!" 

Kento scoffs and stumbles a little backwards, holding you tightly in his grasp, his shirt and pants now more wet than he intended but if it was by your doing he'd always accept it, eyes melting like caramels when they meet the teasing fire of yours. 

"You're a bird." He murmurs. 

You lean in and kiss him. 

"Now say you're a bird, too, Kento." 

Your words affect him like rays of sun through a leaked window to his heart he realizes he's never going to close. 

"If you're a bird, then I'm a bird." He whispers before he closes the distance between your lips again. 

-----

There was nothing quite like summer nights, laughter, chatter, and good company on the porch at Yu's and Kento's shared duplex. You'd sit in Kento's lap, watching Yu and his friends tear up the dance floor, drinking beers and whispering secrets only between the two of you. 

And when the tension had been brewing like a pressure cooker, it all came bursting to a steamy head in the fogged windows of Kento's small delivery truck, grinding on top of him as you made out like it would be the last time you ever would. 

One night, he parks a ways down at the end of the street and turns off his lights before you both nearly sprang on top of each other. 

You moan and sigh as he shifts you in his lap, massaging your damp folds through your panties with his thigh in just that spot you like. 

It didn't help that he got better at it every time you indulged. His lips got more adventurous, his groans a little more desperate. He studied you, that much was quite clear as you helped yourself to more friction from his leg, before he couldn't stand to watch you anymore and his lips were back on yours.

 

"Mmm, Ken, fuck. I gotta go..." 

"No..." He murmurs as he nuzzles into your pulse. 

"Haah, Kento, mphhh, please." 

"Just a little longer." He groans into your neck, before he licks down to your collar, making your spine arch. 

"Ahhh..." 

Both of you were virgins at this point, but as things got closer and the makeouts got deeper, you couldn't help but daydream about having sex with him.

It was something you were quite nervous for, given all(or the lack of) useful education from your parents on the topic. And what little information they did teach you was laced in fear and complete avoidance. 

But God, right now...you can't really focus on that as his hands slide up and down the soft skin of your stomach, just grazing the underside of your breasts. 

God, you want more. You want to feel him, want to hear him lose himself in what you've both been slowly aching towards with every taste you got of one another. 

You feel like you're at a point that you can trust him, that he could be your very first to safely explore this with. 

"Ken?" 

"Mhmm?" He moans from his place against your throat. "Yeah?"

 

"Give me your fingers."

He feels himself grow achingly hard in his pants. Did he hear you say what he thinks you just said? 

"Wait, really?" 

"I trust you, Kento. I really do. Just please, please?"  You kiss his cheeks as you roll your hips impatiently against his bulge. "I want to try letting you finger me just a little, just to see if I like it." 

"Babe, I-" 

"I trust you." 

"Fuck, I...I don't wanna hurt you..." 

"You won't, baby..." You whisper as your lips nibble at his ear. "I'm too wet." 

"Fuck..." Kento groans, shifting you in his lap as his hand disappears up your skirt, looking into your eyes with lust blown pupils in the dark of the truck. 

Without thinking, he hooks around the lace gusset with his thumb, gently pulling it through the web of slick to the side, his thumb barely skimming your folds.

"Just aah, just tell me to stop if you want me to, okay?" He whispers. 

You arch responsively, keeping your eyes locked on him as one of his fingers finds and teases the liquid silk dripping out of your entrance, before slowly sinking in to the first knuckle, his mouth falling open in mirrored response.

He's never done anything like this before, never felt a girl so close like this. He knows only the things he's heard from his friends, and that it's a very sensitive part of your body. He doesn't go any further, waiting patiently for your reaction, trying to put off the ache in his pants so he can savor and learn from this moment. 

"Oh-" the corners of your eyes pinch at the small intrusion. 

Shit. Kento thinks quickly. He knows your breasts are really sensitive. He leans in slowly wraps his lips around your nipple and he softly wiggles it back and forth with his tongue. 

"I-is this okay?" 

"Mhm..slower, softer.." 

"Okay..." He groans as he feels the smooth muscles flutter and squeeze around his finger as he relaxes, slowly pulling out, and pushing back inside your pussy only to that first knuckle at an achingly slow pace.

God, you're tight. But so...pliant. He slides in and out of you like silk, the honey coating him like syrup, watching you breathe softly and exhale on top of him...  

"You're so beautiful." He murmurs. "You're so pretty like this..." 

"Kento..." You sink your nails into the fabric of his seats as he withdraws his finger, hand gliding through slick as he swirls it up, until he finds the soft nub, circling it until you jerk in his lap. 

"Sorry." He whispers. 

"No, no. Keep going baby... just haah...really sensitive." 

He moves his finger, just to the left to tease around your clit, only softly nudging it with each wet rotation of his fingertips. "Like this?" He breathes. 

"Yeah, like that..." You whisper. 

It feels so warm down there, so wet like the feeling is trickling up your spine in a delicious way, beginning to stoke a calming flame at the base until you begin to slowly undulate against him. 

"I'm doing it right?" 

"Yes...you are, Kento." 

"Should I...fuck, you sure you want me to keep going?" He breathes, his eyelashes almost brushing against your cheek as he holds you close. 

"Mhm...I'm sure Kento..." You reply softly, closing your eyes. 

"God, you..." He chuckles weakly. "You're really killing me here."  He gazes up at you in his lap. 

"You're so pretty like this, really." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah...fuck you're just...I like seeing how...aroused you get. If that's not weird to say." 

"Haha, no, no baby. Not weird at all." 

"You're mine..." He murmurs, kissing your collar as he curls his finger a little bit faster. 

"Kento, I'm..." Your jaw falls open. 

"Yeah?" 

"It's so much, baby..." 

"It's okay..it's okay...just let yourself feel good." 

"Ohh...Ken, I...think I'm gonna cum..." 

"Fuck, r-really?"

 

"Y-yeah just don't stop..." 

He continues coaxing and rubbing you with his finger, working you towards your orgasm, wincing as he felt the throb coming from the raging tent in his pants as his boxers began to drip with precum. 

The sensation is almost too much, especially hearing you moan like this, knowing he's responsible, an overwhelming sensation of possessiveness washing over him as you cry his name until...

"Shit!" A torrent of cum surges from his tip, dribbling and coating his boxers. 

"Fu-aaah! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...." Kento groans as his climax seized him by force, paralyzing him in his movements as he completely empties himself just from witnessing your arousal. 

You moan too, half disappointed at the loss but quickly entranced by the beautiful expression on Kento's face as you watch him cum for the first time in front of you. 

His blonde bangs are messy, slightly sticky with the lovely sheen of sweat and heat of pink he wears on his cheeks, thin lips parted in a completely numbed out expression as it surges through him like a wave, the intimate gravity of aftershocks somehow pulling you even closer together in this tender moment, his soft pants and your hushed breaths barely overpowering the evening sonnet of cicadas. 

"I'm so sorry..." He apologizes, shifting so you're not laying so directly over the pooling cum in his pants as the dampness seeped through. 

"God I'm so..." His cheeks flush from pink to red. "I wanted to make you cum...I'm so sorry." 

"Hey, Hey, Ken..."

He slowly relaxes as you numb him with a long kiss, holding it as you let the quiet rush back over the closed space, slowly opening your mouth against his, glossing your tongue back and forth across his lips before you release it with a delicate suck. 

"It's okay. It's okay, baby." 

"I can still make you...if you want..." 

You sigh delicately and the soft noise makes him throb in his pants. 

"I want to..." You turn nervously, looking at the porch light in the distance between the trees. "Oh shit, I think my dad's still awake." 

"Oh." Kento's face goes from red to white. You both move around frantically, trying to straighten up. 

"Fuck." Kento curses, turning red again when he realizes the huge cum stain leaking through his pants. "I'm supposed to walk you up there."

"No, no. Hey. Don't worry about it." You lean in and kiss him hard as you slip out of his truck. "I'm just gonna sneak in and hopefully he's not still awake." 

"But-" 

"See ya tomorrow!" 

You run and slam the truck door closed before he can protest, sprinting down the dirt path, turning to look back and catch him before he drives away. 

"Young lady." 

"AHHH!" You scream and nearly run into the door as your dad sits on the porch, dead panned expression that you honestly can't make out to be upset, annoyance, worry, or all three. He holds a smoke in his hand that indicates he had been out there for a while. 

While you were a grown adult, you still tiptoed around your parents for as long as they could wield the "under our roof" card over your head. 

"Getting awfully close with that boy, aren't you?" He asks, bringing the smoke to his lips. 

You pause, unsure if he was implying that he witnessed the whole steamy fiasco unfold inside Kento's truck down the road. 

No, there was no way. 

"Y-yeah." 

"Hm." A thin plume of smoke pours from his nostrils. "Bring him to the house tomorrow for lunch. I want to meet this young man." 

You nod. "O-okay." You walk up to him, giving him a goodnight kiss and hug, hoping that your neck didn't have obvious marks on it or you reeked too much of Kento's scent. 

"Night, dad." You mumble sheepishly as you close the front door. 

Your father wasn't born yesterday. He didn't need to see a damn thing to know what sort of shenanigans you and Kento were getting up to. You could have your summer fun, fine. But a young man who couldn't be bothered to come to the door? Who takes up all your spare time from your studies knowing what important opportunities you needed to prepare for? 

He doesn't like how this is going, not one bit.

As you enter the house, he shakes his head with a displeased chuckle, knowing this isn't going to end well. "Oh boy." 

------

Hearty laughs echo around the table from rich men as you and Kento look at one another, not grasping the punchline. 

It was lunchtime, and your parents threw an afternoon gathering with a bunch of names you never heard of in attendance of your father's associates from both the military and finance sectors alike. 

The guest list reeked of old money. 

Kento clears his throat and takes a long sip of water. He felt impolite and out of place imbibing in any of the alcohol, even though he sure could use it right now. 

While he was no stranger to the posh side of society with having a father who worked in finance, he realizes he's a fish out of water more than ever with the more questions that your father's friends ask him, making him keenly aware of his position of just starting out.

"What is it you do for work again?" 

"I work at the lumber yard as a wood worker's apprentice and hope to go back to university this fall, sir." 

"Mhm and if you don't mind my asking, how much do you make?" 

"About 30 ringgits per hour." 

The table goes quiet, and the air thickens into something extremely uncomfortable. 

"It's... it's not a lot,  but it gives me what I need to get by until I can start." Kento says modestly, though the confidence fades from his voice and he lowers his head as the expression of disappointment on your parents' faces doesn't budge. 

"Well I think that's lovely, dear." A random woman pipes in from the table. 

"Thank you." Kento says, trying not to exhale with too much relief.

The table awkwardly resumes conversations with one another again, and then your mom pipes up, turning to Kento.

"So, you two have been spending a lot of time together. Must be real fond of each other." 

"Yes ma'am." Kento admits timidly, breaking into a smile when you make eye contact with him, gently nudging his shoulder with your own. 

"Well, with summer ending in a couple weeks, what will you two do?" Your mother asks in that honeyed tone, the one you recognize has a little bit of malice baked into it. 

You pause as the anger simmers little by little. 

"The university I'm planning to attend should only be a couple of hours away." Kento answers in what he hopes is a polite tone, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. 

"But we're going back to Tokyo." Your mother retorts. "Didn't she tell you?" 

You set down your fork, leaning back in your seat as you stare at your mother who pulls her face into that insincere smile where she acts like she's done nothing wrong. 

Kento pauses. The words sit like a heavy weight in his stomach. "No, she hasn't." 

"I was going to tell you, Kento." You murmur to him, squeezing his hand under the table. 

"We can talk about it later." He murmurs back, squeezing your hand with reassurance. 

"University of Tokyo, by the way." Your mom piles on again, driving the wedge even deeper. 

You stare straight ahead. Kento looks at you, defeated as the news sprung cracks into his heart little by little until he was sinking. 

Your mother seems more than pleased with this reaction and starts up a conversation with someone else, while you and Kento sit there and wish you could rewind time back to five minutes earlier when it didn't seem like the stars had placed you two even further apart than you already were. 

Part 2 🦢💕 thank you for reading. 💕

[singstaircase]

When The Phone Rings (2)– CS55

Summary: What was once a simple plan is no longer simple—because the cold, distant husband undeniably cares. More than anything. And now, he’s hellbent on finding the ‘kidnapper’ before he’d ever consider divorcing her.

contains: angst, fluff, implied unhappy marriage, Carlos Sr is the villain because I needed one, reader can speak but is selectively mute, marriage of convenience or is it? Part 2 of When The Phone Rings

Carlos (initially) and his family think the reader can't speak. The only people who are aware that she can speak is her mother and her friend, Alexandra. Alexandra is the only person the reader speaks to. Alexandra is Alexandra Saint-Mleux. Reyes is Carlos' mother. Brenda and Spencer are made-up names

For a brief moment, all Carlos sees is his world holding her breath.

Phone in hand, eyes full of tears, staring at him.

Carlos' eyes move before his body, catching (Name) hurriedly putting a device– something that doesn't look like her phone– into her bag.

Then his body moves before mind, in great haste, just in time to catch her as she stumbles, dangerously close to the edge of the rooftop.

His thoughts return only after she's in his arms, steady and safe, against his chest.

She was about to fall. What was she even doing here? Was she trying to–

Carlos shuts the thought down by holding (Name) tighter. At first, all he feels is her heartbeat. Rapid. Frantic. Then come her arms, trembling and hesitant, wrapping around him.

When he pulls back, one thought rises above the rest.

The kidnapper.

"Are you okay?" Carlos asks, voice unsteady, almost broken, but audible now.

The memory of that unknown device by her ear slips from his mind. Her tears are the only thing he can see.

(Name) doesn't say anything, not out loud. Of course not. Like always, she pulls out her phone. But this time, Carlos notices something. Her lips moving, ever so slightly. As if she wanted to speak. As if she almost did.

'I am fine,' her phone reads.

Carlos nods but keeps her close. "Did you see anyone suspicious? Did anyone say anything to you?"

(Name) types again, quickly. 'No one was here.' She shakes her head for good measure.

Carlos nods again, though something in him remains uneasy. His phone buzzes and he tells (Name) to head back to the party. She hesitates before walking away. And as she glances back, her eyes, no longer teary, meets his.

His phone crackles in his hand. "–the signal was coming from this building, sir. Somewhere high. Possibly a rooftop."

Carlos freezes.

A Rooftop.

He spins around, searching. But he finds no one; only the back of (Name), stepping into the lift.

He runs to the door as they start to close. She's looking at him with something unreadable.

Fear?

***

The call comes as Carlos walks through the small park behind the venue. He was expecting it.

He doesn't pick up right away. When he does, it's his voice that strikes first. "That was quite an emotional performance earlier. You surprised me, kidnapper." His voice is now stable, steady. "You almost…sounded like someone else."

A pause. Then, a breath. Sharp. Surprised.

Good, he thinks.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the voice replies.

Carlos simply laughs.

***

(Name) stares at her phone.

Before she can reply, she spots him, standing across the street, waiting for the kidnapper's, her, response.

Panicked, she ducks behind a tree.

She doesn't hear what he says next, only catches the faint sound of his laughter. Something about running away.

(Name) is about to respond when she hears it.

A loud engine.

A truck. Speeding towards Carlos.

Her phone slips from her hand. She screams.

***

Carlos turns around, startled.

Someone screamed his name. And for a second, it sounded like–

Her voice. The one from his dreams.

But all he sees is (Name). And then, the scream again.

A moment later, she's on top of him and both of them are on the ground.

Carlos stares past her shoulder. A truck moving past the same spot he was moments ago.

She saved me.

He's speechless as (Name) helps him to his feet. He feels her hands check over him frantically, as if ensuring he's really still here.

Then, a slap.

Carlos blinks at her in disbelief, just as she shoves her phone towards him.

'What were you thinking?! You could've died!'

She is crying by now, in that quiet, trembling way that always breaks him.

Carlos pulls her into his arms.

***

In the car, (Name) can't stop sobbing.

He almost died. Because of her. Because of her stupid plan.

Beside her, Carlos lets out a choked laugh.

She turns to him in disbelief. He is….laughing?….at her tears?

Carlos shakes his head with a faint smile. "(Name) can make sound," he says softly, like he can't believe it himself.

(Name) freezes.

***

"You made a sound," he says again, the words tumbling out, chasing his smile.

(Name) can make sounds.

One moment, Carlos is smiling at this thought. And then suddenly, he leans back as the realization settles in.

This time, the adrenaline sharpens his memory instead of dulling it.

Everything comes back. (Name)'s terrified eyes. That scream. He didn't imagine it, it was her.

"You can speak," he murmurs, more to himself than to her. (Name)'s eyes widen when he cups her face gently.

"That scream…it was you." She doesn't reply. "Please," his voice sounds sincere and so full of love, "say something. Anything. Just say my name…please."

It nearly breaks her.

(Name) lowers her gaze and types out the only words she can manage: 'I can't.'

Carlos leans back in frustration. (Name) watches him anxiously, afraid he'll do something rash.

But then– he takes her hand. His grip is warm. Steady.

"I know I haven't been the best husband," he says quietly. "I've been distant. Cold. I never gave you a reason to trust me."

His thumb brushes her knuckles.

"But I promise you, I'm going to change that. I will become someone you can speak to. Someone you can trust with your voice."

(Name) can tell he is being genuine.

And she hopes he'll never be able to keep that promise.

Carlos made up his mind even before he started. If this didn't work out, he was blaming Spencer and Brenda.

Maybe it's his fault for asking his assistants for help in the first place. He just hoped they wouldn't end up broadcasting to the entire team that he is married. At least he had been wise enough not to mention who he was married to.

Their grand suggestion for a gift?

Bracelets.

Carlos laughed at first. He almost left without hearing them out. A bracelet? He could've thought of that himself.

But then Brenda and Spencer explained. Not just any bracelet– a handmade one. Something personal. Something that would carry meaning simply because he made it. And, surprisingly, Carlos couldn't argue with that.

So for the past week, he had spent his free time being surrounded by beads, knots and threads.

Matching bracelets– one for himself, one for her.

It's not…. perfect. Or the prettiest. In fact, it looked more like a highschool project than a romantic gestures. But it was his. And he hoped, really hoped, she'd see the effort behind it.

Only….it didn't fit.

Now, standing in front of her, Carlos wants the earth to open up and swallow him whole.

The bracelet is too small and it's all his doing.

(Name) give him a small, awkward smile, still trying to twist it around her wrist to make it fit somehow. But it won't. Clearly, it's too tight.

Carlos tries to leave but (Name) grabs his hand. With her other hand, she types on her phone.

'Let's fix this. Together.'

And that's what they do for the next two hours. Undoing knots, sorting beads, figuring things out. Together.

It takes far more time that it should. They ruin it three times. The fourth attempt almost gets scrapped halfway through.

But eventually, they get it right.

It's still not perfect. Or polished. Or the prettiest. But it fits.

And it match the one on Carlos' wrist.

And mostly importantly, they made it together.

In the next team meeting, Carlos notices (Name) wearing it. And in the next one. And the one after that.

He catches himself smiling everytime he sees it on her wrist. Brenda and Spencer can't help asking, "Why are you grinning like that all the time now?"

Carlos simply shakes his head and readjusts the bracelet on his own wrist. "No reason."

But he knows the reason. And that's enough.

Carlos had no intention of attending.

'Williams day', an event meant for team bonding, never really interested him. It's more of a tradition than necessity– games, laughter, photos and the sort of things Carlos rarely had time or patience for.

Naturally, he was invited. As the team's star driver, it would have been odd not to include him. But everyone assumed, based on last year, that he wouldn't show up.

They would've been correct– if he hadn't overheard something.

Two days before the event, Carlos heard Alexandria talking to Charles.

"(Name) seems really excited for Williams Day," she said with a smile.

And just like that, Carlos changed his mind.

On the morning of the event, no one looks more stunned than (Name) when Carlos shows up.

"I can come too, right?" Carlos asks casually.

Everyone quickly nods, still too surprised to form actual sentences. But it's (Name)'s wide eyed expression that catches Carlos' attention. Clearly, she hadn't expected him to come. Probably never even considered it.

He offers her a small smile.

***

Throughout the day, Carlos stays close to (Name), confusing nearly everyone. People whisper, trying to figure out why he—of all people—is here, and why he’s glued to her side.

Most assume he’s just being polite. Maybe he’s worried she’ll feel left out.

That’s fine, Carlos thinks. Let them think what they want.

On the bus ride over, he notices it again.

“Why is he sitting with her?” someone murmurs. “Isn’t he married?”

Ah. So Spencer and Brenda must’ve let that detail slip. No matter. They can speculate all they like.

(Name) is asleep on his shoulder and that's all that matters right now.

***

It wouldn’t be a proper team bonding event without games and Carlos isn’t surprised when someone brings out jump ropes for a round of double dutch.

As a senior team member, he gets the first pick. Without hesitation, he chooses (Name) as his partner.

She blinks up at him, clearly uncertain. Carlos gives her hand a gentle squeeze.

“We’ll be fine,” he says, more to himself than her.

They walk toward the ropes together, ignoring the looks cast their way.

Some surprised. Others… not so kind.

***

Double Dutch, Carlos quickly realizes, is much harder than it looks.

He stumbles twice and nearly drags them both down.

But (Name) just laughs. The sound surprises him. Warms him.

The more they jump, the more she laughs. And Carlos, hopelessly enchanted, finds himself grinning too.

***

It happens in a heartbeat.

Carlos mistimes a jump, and they fall to the ground. He lands awkwardly, with (Name) on top of him.

He braces for frustration or embarrassment.

Instead, she laughs, even harder, and buries her face in his chest.

Carlos glances around. The stares are sharper now– confused, skeptical, even judgemental.

But he doesn't care.

(Name) is smiling. And for Carlos, that's enough.

This dinner was bound to be tense, especially after what happened last time. Carlos only agreed to attend because his mother personally asked him.

(Name) spends most of the dinner as she had before– quiet, polite, answering only when necessary with small smiles and messages typed on her phone. Carlos isn't much different. He responds to his mother's questions with short, uninterested answers.

And then, Reyes turns her attention to (Name).

"(Name)," she starts, "the elections are approaching. It would be best if you stepped down from the Williams job for now."

Her tone is sweet but her eyes hold no warmth.

(Name)'s gaze flickers to Carlos Sr., who has been disturbingly quiet throughout the dinner, staring right at her as if he's waiting for her to break.

It's not a request. There's no choice being offered.

(Name)'s fingers hover over her phone, already prepared to nod. She knows her opinion won't matter to them anyway.

But Carlos reaches under the table and gently takes her hand. She looks at him, surprised.

"Do you want to quit the job?" he asks softly. Low and reassuring.

Her eyes flick to Carlos Sr. again. Her Carlos gives her a small squeeze, silently telling her she has nothing to fear– not with him here.

With that silent reassurance, (Name) slowly shakes her head, then types into her phone:

'I don't want to quit.'

Carlos nods and looks at his parents. "She doesn't want to quit. So she won't."

"Carlos…." Reyes says in tone laced with warning. But Carlos simply returns to his plate.

(Name) glances at Carlos' father, who is clenching his fists tightly under the table. Reyes leans toward him, trying to calm him but he says nothing.

(Name) lowers her eyes to her food, though her appetite is gone. She can't stop thinking about her father-in-law, about what his silence could mean.

Then Carlos, noticing her unease, lifts a spoonful of food and gently gestures for her to eat. She does, almost absently, only realizing she's finished when he pushes a glass of water towards her.

She signs a thank you to him before remembering he doesn't know sign language, not yet at least. She reaches for her phone.

But Carlos stops her.

Then he smiles, a little uncertain, takes a breath and slowly signs:

'You're welcome.'

(Name)'s eyes widen, then brighten with delight. A smile forms on her face. She signs– quickly, excitedly–asking: Did you learn this? How much do you know?

Carlos rubs the back of his neck, chuckling softly. "That's all I know so far," he admits, almost sounding shy. "But I am learning. For you."

Before (Name) can answer, Carlos Sr. abruptly pushes his chair back and storms out of the room. Reyes follows a moment later.

Carlos watches them go, unbothered, then turns back to (Name).

"Ice cream?" he asks, as if none of it mattered.

And for the first time that evening, (Name) smiles– genuinely, freely.

(Name) doesn't know why, but the moment she steps into the paddock, she has that feeling. That something big is about to happen.

It isn't anyone's birthday– not hers, not Carlos', not even Alexandra's. It's not even race day, just a free practice. And yet, a strange feeling blooms in her chest, of a certainty that something big is about to happen.

She can't explain it but she can't shake it either.

***

The interview goes smoothly, just as planned.

The questions are predictable, the answers follow the notes (Name) prepared for Carlos. He strays from the script occasionally, making her blink in mild confusion. But a little improvise is nothing (Name) cannot handle.

But then, at the end, Carlos goes completely off script.

"Can I say something off topic?" he asks the interviewer.

"Of course," comes the answer.

Carlos takes a deep breath. "I want to say something to someone very special to me."

Then he says it.

"I love you." Once in English. Again in Spanish. Then in nine more languages.

(Name) translates each repetition, her hands moving on autopilot while her eyes remain fixed on Carlos in growing disbelief. She doesn't understand what's he doing, why he's saying these things.

Not until he turns to face her.

Then, in one last language– her language– he signs the words.

"I love you."

For once, (Name) is unable to react.

***

When she enters the team room, Carlos stands with his back to her, scrolling on his phone in front of the TV.

She hesitates at the doorway. "Did you mean it…"

Carlos spins around at the sound.

That voice.

The same voice that called his name that day. The same voice that saved have him. The voice he's dreamed of hearing again.

His eyes land on (Name), standing there like a ghost. Still. Silent. Or so he thinks.

"…Carlos?" she says softly and this time, he sees it– her lips move, her voice trembling but real. She spoke. To him.

Carlos is in front of her and gently cradling her face, before she can say another word.

"Say that again," he whispers. "Say my name. Please."

(Name) looks down. Then, slowly, her voice cracks the air again. "Did you…mean it? Was that for me?"

Carlos doesn't speak right away. He doesn't need to. He leans in, resting his forehead against her. And she sees it then, tears in his eyes.

"(Name) can make sound," he murmurs in awe. "You are speaking."

And then he's laughing, before lifting her into his arms and spinning her in a full circle.

"(Name) is speaking to me!" Carlos shouts, as if he can't believe it's real.

(Name) finds herself laughing too, her smile blooming with something she hasn't felt in a long time.

Freedom.

Carlos wins the Spanish Grand Prix.

In the team room, (Name)'s heart skips a beat as she watches him on the screen, scanning the stands for someone. For her.

***

He doesn't greet his father when he walks in. Doesn't stop by his mother either. No, the very first thing he does is head straight for (Name) and pull her into his arms her.

She hears the gasps. The shuffle of feet. The sound of the door opening, of someone leaving in haste.

But none of it matters. Only Carlos does.

***

Later, at the post race interview, Carlos can't stop smiling. And for once, neither can (Name).

She is too focused on interpreting his words to notice that he spends most of the interview looking only at her.

"Anything else you'd like to say before we wrap up, Carlos?" the interviewer asks.

Carlos nods. "Yes."

(Name) pauses, confused. This wasn't in the notes.

"I want to dedicate this win to someone very special," Carlos says and for the first time, (Name)'s hand falter. She stills, only for a moment, before quickly catching on.

"To my amazing, wonderful, inspiring wife. (Name)."

Interpreting her own name from his mouth feels…different. But good different.

But Carlos isn't finished.

"This win is for my wife, who is standing beside me right now." He gently pulls (Name) closer with one arm around her waist. "This one is for you, (Name)."

And then, he leans in.

He kisses her. Their first real kiss since the wedding. The first one that feels true.

(Name) kisses him back, smiling against his lips.

Somewhere in the background, she hears Alexandra's muffled scream of shock and what sounds like several clipboard clattering to the ground.

None of it matters.

Carlos is smiling. And for now, that's enough.

***Is it a bit unrealistic for Carlos to win a race in a Williams car? Yes but that's the beauty of fanfic, anything can happen.

[alwaysless]

What is the land of the dead?

So I have a weird theory that is not based on something specific, but it seemed interesting to me because it explains some stuff in lore.

We all assume that the students went to Nevermore right after they died, right? But Nevermore is a kind of purgatory between land of the living and the land of the dead. Why do students` souls go there after death, and not to the normal afterlife? What determines who will be given the chance to fight for a second life? Do the deans control this? These questions partly go back to the old "what do Nevermore students have in common" theory.

Raven says that the souls of the recently departed are washed on the southern shores of Nevermore, near the academy. I am somewhat confused by this statement. Thousands of people die every day, but we barely see anyone on the shores. At this stage I'm not even sure if the land of the dead is actually land. Maybe it's the ocean itself, surrounding the island.

Another strange detail about the land of the dead is the comment of the deans about the "train station". What the hell kind of train station. You're on an island. Not very big, as far as I can tell. Where are you taking them. Are you just going to throw them back into the ocean off a cliff or what.

Anyway, we digress. So what if after death all souls automatically end up in the land of the dead - whatever it is - but after a while some decide to take that very journey to the threshold Raven told about. Along the way Something Bad happens - the deans catch them and they lose their memory. Like, their whole memory, including about their afterlife. This is exactly how students are selected – they are simply those who want a second life. Who was determined enough to get to it. They signed up for it themselves. For the same reason they come from different time periods: it doesn't matter when you died, it's only matter when you decided that you've had enough of the land of the dead and you want a new life.

And that's why Annabel and Lenore washed up on the shore together. They have already been reunited in the land of the dead.

[seaweedstarshine]

Can't say I'm not giving it a generous interpretation, but gotta make sense of it somehow… his best is all he can do!

Bows ARE cool — YES!!! He would do that, wouldn't he? <3

When it comes to Eleven and gift-giving and difficulty with human traditions — I can't not think of this scene (yeah I know it’s Extended Universe and it came out a couple months after HoRS but Moffat did approve this collection for publication):

He's trying so hard!

But also to move past things Moffat had any say in, the line kind of fits with R&J, where River laments how much better Jack would be about getting all the birthday and wedding traditions right (and how much worse at so many other things). She cares about that wrapping paper. But she won't tell the Doctor it bothers her until the chance arises for that slightly out of pocket comment on Darillium.

“I don’t think you’ve ever given me a present before”

me @ eleven

[callsign-dexter]

Snapshot of Justice (18+)

Request: Hello!

I had a really cute idea if you are up to it!

So the reader is new at chicago pd and she is like lexie from greys anatomy (has a photographic memory and therefore is younger than all of her collegues in intelligence) and she get the work done really well and they are all like: 😶😱

At the end of the case she is at mollys and she is talking to either antonio or hank (because.... Dilfs am i right?) and he congratulates her on a good job and buys her a drink and shes like :"you can buy me a drink or you can just fuck me”

*cue hot bathroom sex scene*

Pairings: Hank Voight x Halstead!Sister!Reader

Warnings: fluff, smut, mentions of drugs, guns, cursing

Masterlist

A/N: @wintersoldierchronicles smut is coming your way!

Intelligence. Your favorite and dream job. The day you found out you got personally selected by none other than Hank Voight you just about damn near passed out in your brother's, Jay Halstead, arms. You are a Halstead kid, the little sister to Jay and Will Halstead. You had just celebrated your 20th birthday when you got the news. You always looked up to your brothers and so when Will went to medical school and Jay joined the Army Rangers, you went straight to college, got a Criminal Justice degree and then joined the academy quickly becoming the top of your class thanks to a gift that you had. You had a photographic memory. Meaning you could recall anything you read no matter how long it had been so it was perfect for when taking tests and remembering crime scenes. All the departments wanted you, really you wanted Intelligence but there were no openings so you had to settle for another district other than the 21st which sucked but you dealt with it. 

Today was the day you would begin your first shift with Intelligence and the second Halstead to be on the force and you couldn’t wait. You’ve been to the 21st several times that everyone remembered you and they absolutely adored you, it drove Jay insane you embraced it. One of your favorites was Trudy Platt and much to everyone else's shock she absolutely loved you. She would drop anything and help you if you needed it, you became her favorite when you remembered her coffee order with just one time seeing it and when you brought it to her, she immediately hugged you. So here you were walking into the 21st with her favorite coffee and maybe a little something else. You walked up the stairs to see her talking to Sean Roman and Kim Burgess. She seemed pretty fired up so you decided to diffuse the situation. “Sergeant Trudy! How is my favorite officer-” She raised an eyebrow at you “I mean favorite Sergeant doing?” You asked, sitting the coffee and food in front of her.

“Detective Halstead.” She said, mood immediately lighting as Jay walked in “How is my favorite Intelligence Detective?” She asked as Sean and Kim looked amazed and you were quickly shooing them away. She caught them as they were leaving but you were distracting her again. 

“I heard that.” He said and you flipped him off and he walked away shaking his head and up the stairs.

“No, I asked you first.” You said smiling.

“Good now that you brought my favorite coffee and do I smell something delicious?” She asked and you nodded.

“If you’re talking about your famous bacon, egg, and cheese order from your favorite bakery then you’re right.” You said as the others started to show up.

“Y/N/N are you sucking up to Trudy?” Kevin Atwater, your partner, asked.

“She needs no sucking up to me.” She said and he rolled his eyes.

“We need to start heading up.” He said to you and you nodded and you turned back to Trudy and waved at her as Kevin started ushering you away. You put your code in that you got and it unlocked and you headed upstairs.

“About time you got here.” Adam Ruzek said and you rolled your eyes.

“She was sucking up to Trudy.” Kevin said 

“Hey, she has to like someone other than Voight up here.” You said placing your jacket and belongings on your assigned desk.

“She’s not wrong.” Hank Voight said. Hank Voight. Your boss. Also, a man that was older than you but is extremely attracted to. You also tended to go for the older men because they were more experienced than the men your age. It was no secret that you liked older men but it was a secret that you liked your boss and you were going to keep it that way until you couldn’t. You just didn’t know what it was about him. Maybe it was because of his gruff voice, his demanding presence, or his ‘I don’t put up with bullshit’ attitude. You could listen to him talk all day and now you have the chance to and you were eating it up, hanging on his every word like a dog looking at a steak being waved in front of it.  

“She likes us.” Jay said 

“Barley.” You said and he rolled his eyes and flipped you off and you shoved him slightly.

“Sibling rivalry. It’s going to be fun around here.” Erin Lindsey said and you two cut it out. 

“Who wants to see how long it takes for them to start making this into a competition?” Alvin ‘Al’ Olinsky asked. You and Jay but rolled your eyes and he smirked.

“Alright, bets aside we got a case to solve.” Hank said and you were immediately back to hanging on his every word. You studied the pictures while listening to what he had to say and then everyone was being split and told where to go. The longer you studied the pictures the more that you started to remember. The guy looked familiar and then it hit you. You dated this man for a short period during your college days and then broke up when he started bringing drugs around and you been to several parties of his. You’ve been to his place for a party that you had gone to for a party and you remember the host being the man on the board. 

“Do we have any information about this guy?” Jay asked 

“He runs a drug ring and has been putting dangerous drugs out onto the streets. They have killed at least 6 people ranging from ages of 18-24 both men and women.” Kevin said as he listed off what he knew. 

“Do we have a name?” Adam asked and before anyone could answer you beat them to it.

“Chandler Czech.” You said and everyone looked at you.

“How do you know him?” Jay asked about getting into big brother mode.

“While I was in college, I dated him and then he started to bring drugs around me and then we broke up. I went to a bunch of parties at his house.” You said and you could see Jay’s face harden.

“Will and I never knew anything about this.” He said 

“That is because I never told you.” You said and had a staring contest with your brother until Voight spoke up.

“Ok sibling conflict aside.” He said and then you two broke eye contact. “How long has it been since you two broke up?” He asked, a little hit of jealousy in his voice but it was only detected by you.

“4 years ago.” You said and he nodded. “He drives a 2012 Blue Chevy Suburban with a busted back window. The license plate is GJY985.” You said and everyone just looked at you like in shock, well besides Jay, and you looked at them. “What?” You asked.

“How?” Erin asked

“She has a photographic memory.” Jay said and you blushed but smiled as you nodded.

“Alright you heard the car we need to look out for. Do you know where he is now?” Hank asked and you shook your head.

“No, I cut all ties with him but I do remember where his house is.” You said and they looked at you expecting you to say it. “656 Tiptson Ct. I can’t guarantee he will be there; he doesn’t stay in one place for long but most of his crew is there.” You said 

“Alright you heard her, let's go.” Hank said and everyone nodded still in shock and everyone went down to vest up and grab weapons. As you were putting your vest on Jay walked over to you.

“This might be the fastest case we solve.” He said as he helped you.

“I don’t even know if he is there, Jay.” You said 

“No but you gave a lot of detail and we will at least get some of his crew.” He said and you nodded.

“True.” You said and then he looked you in the eye turning serious. 

“You be safe out there. Will and I can’t lose you.” He said and you smiled and put your hand on his shoulder.

“I promise you won’t.” You said and he nodded and then were on the way to the house. It was a short ride to the house and everyone got into position. Jay, you, Adam, and Kevin were at the front and planning on kicking the door in. “Wait! In order for us not to spook them we can use a key to get in, stealthy." You said.

“You know where it is?” Vought asked over the radio.

“You know I do.” You said  

“Alright, we do it her way.” Hank said 

You sneakily went over to the very obvious fake flower and lifted it up, relieving a gold key. “My sister the ever-photographic memory detective.” Jay said and you rolled your eyes but smirked. You picked it up and slid it into the keyhole and slowly and silently opened the door. 

“Chandler is that you?” His second in command, Luke Venice, asked and when nobody answered it grew silent and you could hear his footsteps coming into the living room. He froze mid bite as he saw the four of you. 

“Don’t do it.” You said as you saw the look in his eyes and in just a split second he was gone. 

“Going out the back!” Adam yelled into the radio as you took off after him.

You kept up with him easily and followed him down roads upon roads and back alleys all while keeping the team updated and then finally you took him down with ease. “You’re under arrest.” You said and cuffed him after turning him onto his stomach.

“Bitch.” He said

“Aw thank you.” You said knowing it would piss him off and it sure did because he started to struggle. Hank pulled around with his car as you pulled Luke up onto his feet and walked him towards the car and putting him in. Once secured and Hank slamming the door he looked at you. 

“Good work. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn’t have gotten this far.” He said and you smiled and nodded.

“Thank you. Chandler’s car wasn’t there but I will put a BOLO out for it.” You said and he nodded.

“Do that the quicker we find him the faster we can get this over and have a drink.” He said and you nodded.

“I’m looking forward to that drink.” You said just as the others arrived and Jay was hopping out of the driver’s side and rushing over to you.

“Are you ok?” He asked 

“I’m fine, Jay.” You said as he was looking you over like a big brother would all the while you were looking at Hank and he was looking at you. 

Back at the station you let the others interrogate Luke so while they were down in the cage you were up looking at the board. It was currently 12 PM. It took a few hours to gather other information and while that was going on everyone else was going out getting leads and tracking down the other members of the crew which was fairly easy since you gave them tips and the current locations of some of their hideouts. You were currently out with Jay on your turn of going out and tracking down the bastard that was putting bad drugs out on the street. Conversation came easily between the two of you, I mean why wouldn’t it? You were siblings after all. After coming up short you both went back to the station empty handed. You both walked into the precinct, greeted Trudy and walked upstairs to find the others in the same position. “We literally have nothing.” Erin said.

“What did Luke say?” You asked as you took a seat on the edge of Jay’s desk.

“That they’re doing all the drug making and transporting from a warehouse." Hank said 

“2231 Avington Ln.” You said suddenly.

“What?” Jay asked

“It’s the address of the warehouse. He took me to it before we broke up, that's the reason we broke up.” You said and everyone looked at you shocked. “Trust me you will find him there. His drugs are so much more precious to him than anything in the world.” You said

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jay asked

“It didn’t cross my mind.” You said and then Hank interrupted before it could progress further.

“Alright, you heard her. Let’s go!” Hank said and everyone once again was putting on vests as you rode with Hank in the front car while you told the directions of the warehouse. Finally, after 10 minutes of driving everyone arrived.

“He’s here.” You said and Hank looked at you and you pointed towards the car. Everyone got out and Hank gave the orders and as soon as he gave the go everyone went. From all directions ‘Chicago PD’ was being yelled. Multiple shots were fired but none of the team were shot and everyone was arrested but you got the honor to arrest Chandler. “Chandler Czech you are under arrest for dealing drugs and multiple deaths.” You said as you handcuffed him.  

“Y/N Halstead is that you?” He asked bewildered.

“You know it, asshole.” You said as you stood him up and walked him out with the rest of the others. 

“I should’ve known you were a narc.” He said 

“You made me like this.” You said and he rolled his eyes as you put in the back of the cruiser. 

“Nice work.” Hank said and you turned to him.

“I’m just glad this bastard is off the streets and not dealing anymore.” You said 

“Coming to Molly’s?” He asked 

“You know it.” You said and he smiled.

“See you there.” He said and you nodded and left. Everyone went back to the station and started to write their reports. 

-

Back at the station and reports being started and some finished quickly, it was silent until a question that everyone had been asking filled the room “How did you do it?” Adam asked as you looked up and everyone stood around as Jay stood in the back.

“Do what?” You asked as you put the finishing touches on the report remembering everything.

“Solved the case so quickly.” Erin said and you chuckled and blushed.

“I have a photographic memory which means I can recall stuff no matter how long it has been.” You explained.

“She’s a show off is what she is.” Jay said and you knew he was joking but you rolled your eyes and smiled.

“Don’t blame me for my skills.” You said and he rolled his eyes as he put on his coat “Now who is ready to go and drink the day away?” You asked, you got several answers as coats were being put on and then everyone was walking down the stairs and out the gate. As you were making your way to the front door Trudy stopped you. 

“Yo, Halstead.” She said and both you and Jay stopped. “The Halstead I actually like.” She said and you turned to Jay.

“That means me and not you. I will meet you and Will at Molly’s.” You said and he rolled his eyes but walked away grumbling under his breath.

“Nice work out there.” She said and you smiled.

“Thank you, Trudy. That means a lot especially for it being my first day.” You said leaning against the desk.

“Solving a case that quickly is going to put you in good graces with Hank.” She said and you smiled.

“I hope so.” You said 

“Now go on and enjoy your celebratory drink.” She said and you two finger saluted her and walked out of the station and headed to Molly’s

You were the last one to arrive at Molly’s which made it easy to avoid detection but that was short lived when your brother caught sight of you and waved you over. “There is the star detective.” Will said and that earned a smack from Jay. 

“Hey!” Jay said as Will took a drink of his beer and shrugged his shoulders.

“She is the one with the photographic memory. Man do I wish I had it.” Will said and you chuckled and Jay pouted but agreed.

“I’m gonna grab myself a drink.” You said and they both nodded and you patted both of them on the back and went to the bar. As you were about to flag someone down a presence came up beside you and you saw it was Hank in your peripheral vision and so you turned to him.

“Good job out there.” He said for the third time that day “Let me buy you a drink.” He said and you looked him dead in the eye.

“Listen you can buy me a drink or you can just fuck me.” You said and a smirk came upon his face.

“I’ll meet you in the bathroom.” He said and you nodded and watched him disappear once out of sight you turned back to the bar. 

“Need a drink?” Gabby asked

“Not yet. I need to head to the bathroom.” You said and she nodded and then you got up and walked towards the bathroom making sure the coast was clear you slipped into the men’s bathroom to be met with Hank leaning against the sink. You locked the door behind you and with one hand and then rushed to him, crashing your lips onto his. The kissing turned feverish and he put both hands on your face as yours came to lock around his neck. He slowly backed you up against the bathroom door as the kissing continued until you both needed to break for air. You both looked at each other and both of your pupils were blown. A split second and you both went back to kissing quickly, undoing each other’s pants and pushing them down as a hand went to your pussy and ran his hands through your folds and you moaned. “No time for foreplay. Just fuck me.” You said hand on his rock-hard cock.

“Yes ma’am.” He said, voice gruffer than before. “Jump.” He said and you did so, legs wrapping around his waist and hands going to his shoulders to hold on as he slid in. He had the girth and the length that had you drooling. 

“Oh fuck.” You moaned head leaning against the bathroom door as he stretched you in all the right places. Your blunt nails digging into his clothed shoulders.

“See what you do to me, Baby? You make me hard.” He said as you moaned. “So wet for me.” he said as he bottomed out.

“Fuck you hit me in all the right places and stretching me open.” You moaned as he started thrusting. “Keep going.” You moaned as both of your breathing started to pick up and the temperature started to rise. 

“Fuck this pussy was made for me.” He said, thrusting into you. 

“Oh fuck. I love you.” You moaned

“I love you too. Been waiting to do this since you first walked into the precinct for your first day on the job.” He said head going to your neck as you titled it.

“I’ve had a crush on you for a while.” You said as he sucked a hickey onto your neck, thank goodness your hair could hide it. “Faster.” You said and he picked up his speed. 

“I wanna cum in you.” He moaned

“Do it. I’m on birth control.” You said and that was all he needed as he started to get sloppy. After another minute of sloppy thrusting, heavy panting, and him kissing and sucking on your neck that was sure to leave a bruise you both were coming and he painted your walls white. He stilled and the both of you caught your breath. He slowly slid out of you and then was slowly putting you down. “You know I wouldn’t mind doing that again.” You said and he smirked at you as you both began to pull up your own pants and started to make you both presentable and you fixed your hair so your neck was hidden.

“Maybe not in the bathroom?” He asked and you chuckled.

“No, not in a bathroom.” You said “You name the place and time.” You said 

“Same goes for you.” He said and you nodded as you kissed him. “You go out first.” He said and you did as you unlocked the door and peaked out making sure the coast was clear before slipping out and going to the bar. 

“Ready for that drink?” Gabby asked and you looked at her and she was smirking.

“Yes I am.” You said and she nodded and then was handing you your favorite drink. You tipped it at her and walked over to your brothers who now had others around them.

“Took you a while.” Jay teased taking a sip of his beer.

“I had to pee.” You said as you took a sip of your drink, they didn’t need to know you just fucked your boss in the bathroom and was full of his cum being held in by your underwear. Finally, the conversation changed and as you listened you looked up seeing Hank at the bar looking at you. He winked and took a drink of his beer and you blushed and looked down and then you were being pulled into a conversation with your brothers and others. But you weren’t really into the conversation you were thinking of the next time you were going to fuck your boss and you couldn’t wait for that. Good thing you have him on speed dial.

Tag List:

@docockschest

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@wintersoldierchronicles

[finecole]

Counterweight

Summary: “One night, he tells you that these last six months of happy memories are the counterweight to two hundred years of misery.”

Pairing: Spawn!Astarion x gn!Tav Reader 

Word count: 700

Warnings: mention of sex (18+), FLUFF, 1d20 psychic damage to my emotional well-being

---

“Well, as you know, I am an avid admirer of the freedom of nature’s gifts’’ Astarion taunts, laying next to you, chest puffed up and voice rumbling as he shoots you a smirk.

A grin spreads on your face, and you swat teasingly at his chest, “oh stop it - will you let it go?” 

You both laugh as you share a look, letting the laughter wane into a shared smile.

You roll over onto his chest, reaching out a hand to tuck back a stray silver curl. Your hand traces his cheek as it retreats, thumb tracing his cheekbone. The warmth that had gathered in his face a mere moment ago as he came undone, panting in the crook of your neck, had started to give in to his usual icy coldness again. As your hand reaches his chin, he captures it swiftly before its escape, placing soft kisses along your knuckles. 

You nuzzle into his chest, closing your eyes, basking in his tender caress. 

The two of you had spent many afternoons laying around like this on a bedroll or bed, whatever option would present itself on the road; limbs entangled and lips peppering kisses as you caught your breaths, or Astarion, head resting against the headboard with you curled up to his side, reading out passages from some trashy Drizzt Do’Urden novel you had found in the shops. 

You would be quite content, you think, to spend many more afternoons like this. 

“My love,” he whispers, tilting his head to the side, sharing the most tender of looks as you meet his gaze. He places your hand that he had been kissing on his chest, where his heart would be, and cups your cheek with the other. He mirrors your own affections, brushing your cheek with his thumb. 

“Hm?’’ a soft smile tugs at your lips, as you consider how the piercing rubies that were his eyes could melt into something so soft and gentle when he was with you. 

He covers your hand that still lays on his chest with his own, giving it a squeeze. “These last six months with you,” he says softly, carefully selecting his words. “These six months that we have shared, have been the counterweight to two hundred years of misery.”

A silence passes.

“Astarion…” your voice is barely a whisper, as the gravity of his words settles in. How all the words, laughter and touches you had shared, the pushing and pulling of figuring out how to be together, how the cumulation of it all could make up for the unimaginable pain that he had had to suffer. You think that right then and there, you could simply melt into his very being, wanting to envelop him whole.

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you fear that you could never gather the right words and arrange them in a way that would express how much love for him burned within you at this very moment - not in the way he had just done. So, instead, you pull yourself up to his face, bury a hand in his hair at the back of his neck, and kiss him. Once, twice, until you lose count. A kiss for every word you could not find, some soft and gentle and others desperate between furtive glances through half-lidded eyes. His hands travel across your back and waist, and for a moment you feel like you don't know where the boundaries of your beings lie. 

You pull back at last, though you do not go far, your noses still touching.

“Do you remember my promise?”, you whisper. 

He smiles and nods, “you will kiss me under the sun again.” 

His hand returns to cup your cheek, swiping away the tear that had threatened to spill before.

You lean into his touch, making a pledge with a smile, “I’ll fight the gods for that if I have to, you know.”

You know he does not lie when he speaks, “I’ll be right there with you, my love.”

---

Note: I've just had this in my head ever since the epilogue launched because OH MY GOD i do not even have the words Tav is quite literally just me in this because what do you say to that??? Its just such a poignant declaration; for Tav to represent so much love and joy to him i just esahjfajksdhjfkah. I haven't written anything in years but here I am, the elf has drawn me out of my slumber. It's also 5 am so apologies for mistakes I may or may not correct them

[cosmerelists]

Adolin & Shallan Try Out One of Those Modern "Date Ideas" Lists

As requested by @thewatercolours :)

If you google "fun date ideas," there are a myriad of magazines and blogs that have you covered. I decided to pick this list (yes, it's from AAA Discounts of ALL places) because it included skydiving and I really wanted to write that one. *cough* All the rest are randomly selected though!

1. Paint Each Other's Portraits (#17 from the list)

Shallan: [holds up a portrait of Adolin on their wedding day, taken from a Memory. He looks resplendent in his wedding attire, his handsome face gazing toward the viewer with tender love] Adolin: [holds up a stick figure drawing that has red hair] Shallan: I genuinely love it.

2. Conquer a Jigsaw Puzzle (#83 from the list)

Adolin: "Conquer." Adolin: "Conquer" made it sound very exciting. Adolin: "Conquer" makes me think of the thrill of battle. Shallan: Yes! I finally found the last piece of the brick fireplace! Adolin: Maybe puzzling is not for me.

3. Enjoy a Weekend Staycation (#26 from the list)

Shallan: Hmmm...the magazine makes it sound like a "staycation" involves leaving your room to go do things locally. Adolin: I interpreted it as lying in bed for as long as possible and then maybe taking a shower together. Shallan: [throwing the magazine aside] I like YOUR interpretation.

4. Go Skydiving or Bungee Jumping (#102 from the list)

Kaladin [in the sky with Adolin and Shallan]: So...you just want me to dismiss the lashing and let you plummet to your deaths as a...date? Adolin: We have the parachutes that Navani made us! Shallan: Yeah! We'll free-fall briefly and then use those to gradually slow our descent! Adolin: It's about the thrill - the romance - the excitement. Kaladin: ... Kaladin: [drops the lashing] [Adolin and Shallan plummet, screaming delightedly] Kaladin: I don't think I understand romance.

5. Recreate Your First Date (#7 from the list)

Adolin: We have the food, we have the wine. Adolin: Right. Go ahead. Shallan [sweetly]: Let's talk about your pooping habits. Adolin: Yup. You still got it.

6. Cook a New Cuisine Together (#81 from the list)

Shallan: We could make....stew? Is stew hard? Adolin: The bridgmen made stew out of, like, nothing, so it's probably not too hard? Shallan: You just put stuff in water, right? [many hours later] Adolin: Stew sucks. Shallan: When we make it, anyway....

7. Indulge in a Spa Night at Home (#84 from the list)

Shallan: Wow... Soaking my feet in this fabrial-heated water feels amazing... Adolin: Do you like the fragrance? I added scented oil! Shallan: It's nice, yeah. Adolin: And apparently this clay-oat-honey face mask is good for your skin! You just have to spread it on and let it harden. Adolin: I added fragrance to that, too. Shallan: Are you the best husband ever? Adolin: I think I was made for spa nights.

8. Explore a Local Trail (#66 from the list)

Adolin: You know, I think the magazine was picturing something scenic, something in the fresh air, something....with light. Shallan: Ooooh, I only got to briefly draw that plant when I was lost in the caverns with Kaladin, but now you and I have all the time in the world! Adolin: [looking around the dark, damp chasm in which they are walking. One lonely bone peeks up out of a patch of water nearby. He doesn't mention it] Shallan: [crouching down to sketch, grinning to herself] Adolin: Well....at least I have something beautiful to look at.

9. Browse your Favorite Bookstore (#32 from the list)

Adolin: L-Listen, I feel like this date idea must come from a culture where men read, yeah? Adolin: What am I supposed to do in a bookstore? Shallan: Just trust me. Adolin: !! Adolin: Is that a whole shelf of fashion magazines? Shallan: This bookstore archives the whole catalogue! Adolin: Are you the best wife of all time? Shallan: I might be.

10. Take a Dance Class (#14 from the list)

Lift: And THIS dance is also from Azir, and it's called the Twirl 'n' Slide. Lift: First you spin around on your butt as fast as possible, then you leap to your feet and slide in a wide circle like this! Wyndle: C-Can you really say this is a dance from Azir, Mistress? You made it up! Lift: Yeah! IN Azir! Shallan: Only dance teacher available, huh? Adolin: Her rates were very reasonable.