#she would. in fact. be very brainrotted. all sorts of brainrot.

[outlying-hyppocrate]

So Normal about my characters. yes i gave them their own handwriting styles and made up little dialogues on paper like they were passing notes in class. still Normal by the way

[jals-stuff]

Some Rayne brainrot...

this is some stupid (and a bit horny??? no? yes? i don't know) stuff that went through my mind last night

MDNI PLEASE! this spawned in my head, no context

warnings: female reader, rayne is ooc and pervy, he is staring, dubcon (bit steamy at the end), bit of swearing, bit of horniness, mentions of boobies and peen...

i am very sorry, i wrote this with 0 hours of sleep. barely proofread. enjoy

Rayne Ames. The Divine Visionary, the Sword Cane.

If you watch animal documentaries, you are probably aware that cheetahs can stay in the same position for up to sixteen hours without moving at all…

Well, it so happens that Rayne’s facial expression is like a cheetah. He somehow always looks like you’ve told him a really bad pun, and he’s judging you for it (not funny, did not laugh). He probably even has this face on while he sleeps, eats, showers, and probably even while he decides to please himself. 

And yet, despite looking annoyed every second of the day, despite looking like the unfriendliest guy in the whole Academy, he looks absolutely stunning. Anyone would agree that Rayne Ames is a feast on the eyes. And you, as his seatmate in class, aren’t one to deny this.

.....................................................................

It was your last class hour for today and you couldn’t wait to go back to your dorm room and rot in bed like the absolute lazybone you were. Changing out of your uniform was now an emergency, as the shirt you had picked today was somehow way too tight for you.

Being clueless with basic things such as laundry had its pros and cons. Sure, your clothes were smaller now and you could barely fit; but it made you look incredibly sexy! …or so you kept telling yourself. Maybe you were just trying to cope with the fact that you were incredibly bad at basic human tasks.

You made your way to the classroom and got your notebook out. 

Today’s subject was pure theory, and you would’ve fallen asleep if you didn’t have the most scrumptious distraction sitting right next to you. You spent the hour doodling, taking notes whenever you paid enough attention to do so, and mostly throwing quick glances at your seatmate, Rayne, who was way too focused on the soporific theoretical experiments your elderly professor was passionately explaining, to pay attention to you.

When the old man turned around to write something on the blackboard, Rayne finally turned a fraction of his attention towards you. Of course, this happened during the minuscule amount of time you weren’t looking at him, and he took notice of a few things.

First of all, your notes were an absolute mess. Instead of trying to keep them consistent, you had picked a few words the teacher said, and chose to throw them into an adventure with other words, picked at different moments during class, resulting in an abomination that wouldn’t make sense, even to you. But you wouldn’t know, of course, since you never read your notes anyway. 

He would give you bonus points for the adorable little bunnies you had been doodling for the majority of your time in class, though.

Secondly, you seemed like you were about to sleep, but given the way you were taking notes, everything sort of made sense. Not your notes though, only the fact that you weren’t invested enough to stay awake.

Third of all, your shirt. He wished his eyes hadn’t lingered for such a long time on it. Why was it so tight? “Is she so dumb she can’t even do laundry?”, he wondered to distract himself from the fact that the button that kept your shirt closed around the chest area had the strength of a thousand lions. 

His eyes moved back to your face, and at this very moment, you chose to look at him. Your eyes met, and his expression was, as always, unreadable. Was he bored? Upset? Annoyed? At this point you were pretty sure he didn’t know any better. But it seemed a bit different this time, you could’ve sworn you saw his lower lid twitching slightly. 

You decided to turn your attention back to the teacher— or at least pretend to, for a while, and it lasted for a whopping fifty seconds. Efforts had been made! You deemed yourself deserving of a little treat, and an attempt was made to look at Rayne once again.

His eyes were still on you. Now it really felt like he was upset. You were used to his icy glare but it was getting a little uncomfortable, and so, as one does, you had a great shitty idea. You decided that stretching your back could maybe help you release some of this discomfort, and your button, may it rest in peace, gave up on its sole task of keeping your shirt closed. 

You couldn’t tell where it went at all. In fact, you didn’t even notice, but you did feel a little more comfortable now that your chest area was no longer being compressed, except it was in a literal meaning now, and not just figuratively speaking. You could still feel Rayne’s eyes on you, and decided that you wouldn’t look at him for the rest of this oh so boring class.

What you hadn’t noticed was that his eyes were no longer on your face, but rather on the missing button’s previous spot. “Is she so dumb she can’t take care of her clothing?”, he wondered to distract himself from the fact that he could now clearly see your bra. 

He could see that one mesmerising spot where your breasts were pushing in a wondrous effort to get out of their insufferable lace prison. In fact, pretty much anyone could’ve seen it if they had turned around, but it seemed this professor was either hypnotic or soporific because everyone was staring in his direction. 

You were then blissfully unaware of the fact that Rayne was now leading an internal battle. He had to get his eyes off of your cleavage, for your breasts were not the only things screaming for freedom anymore. Ah, perhaps Rayne was also bad at laundry, because his pants felt increasingly tight the longer he stared at you.

Divine Visionary or not, he was but a man, and what power does a man hold when presented with sweet bosoms? None. That’s right. He tried to think about anything else. Rabbits? His little brother, Finn? The concerning relationship Lance had with his little sister? The way alcoholism thrived amongst the ranks of the State police? No matter what went through his head, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

He had to do something about it, and you were probably not escaping this one.

.....................................................................

As soon as the bell rang, he closed his coat as much as he could, and grabbed your arm before you could leave, and this time you could tell he was pretty upset. Why? How could you know? You didn’t know anything. Had your head not been attached to your shoulders, you would’ve probably lost it already. 

Instead of giving you any sort of explanation, he immediately dragged you with him. Your life felt like a movie that was playing in front of your eyes. My time has come, you thought, but… not quite.

You found yourself in Rayne’s dorm room, locked in with him. His roommate wasn’t there, and it was clear this crime would leave no witnesses. 

It took him half a second to remove his coat and— oh. You were suddenly in Egypt.

Everything was there: the stone hard pyramid, the Sphinx (that seemed ready to pounce on you), and the heat. Oh boy, the heat. As a very refined lady (yes you are), you brought your hand to your chest in indignation, and oh, how distraught you felt when you realised that your beloved chest button was nowhere to be seen. It was all starting to make sense.

Without a word, he pushed you against the wall and his lips met yours in a rough, steamy kiss. Your whole body felt like it was on fire; his toned chest was pressing against yours and breaking your buttons further, his clothed erection was slightly rubbing against your clit through your panties and his hands roamed your body hungrily while his tongue left no corner of your mouth unexplored.

It was all a lot to take in but it felt so intoxicating, the way his large hands held onto your hips to keep you from squirming too much underneath his passionate touch, and how his teeth were grazing against your lips while a mixture of both your salivas dripped from the corner of your mouth. 

His body was grinding against yours like waves on the beach, and both your breathings were becoming increasingly noisy. Only after long, delicious minutes of this make-out session did he break the kiss, panting for air, as he looked into your eyes with a lustful gaze you were now used to seeing.

It wasn't your first time pushing his buttons like this, and it certainly wasn't your last.

“You did it on purpose, admit it.”

Whaaat, you? Pfffft, never! But… let’s just say you’re not usually that bad at doing your laundry.

.....................................................................

smol reminder that i am very bored and i also take requests for mashle, hsr, genshin, jjk, elsword, tower of fantasy...

xoxo

[yuri-is-online]

no cause the way you have filled my brain with sho brainrot,,,

baby acting like a mf guard dog for his favourite senpai, constantly wanting their attention 😭

LISTEN

I am so glad I waited to answer this for a teeny bit because I thought I was exaggerating at first because like. It was one voiceline right? WRONG. When you level him up he says "thank you senpai" and when I got his SR and slapped him onto my homescreen he does in fact try to get your attention and ask for help from his senpai. He's supposed to be this brash delinquent but he's shockingly respectful of one very specific senior even if he's just a bit sarcastic about it ugh.

Sho feels like he needs an excuse. He can't just ask to hang out with you because then it looks like you're friends, but if he's asking for a favor then you won't have a reason to say no. The Professors all want you to help out the ghouls so he can say just about anything and you'll jump at it, right? Yeah no that's not the real reason. He wants to have you to himself and if he words it like he needs help he can make excuses as to why you two need to be left alone.

Absolutely uses the fact that he can cook to his advantage. I think one of the main reasons Sho started liking the MC so much was because you supported his cooking. He seemed like he expected to be judged for it so when MC was just hungry and said his food was good? The only person he really seems to have cooked for up to this point is Leo (and Bonnie but she's special) so he wants that praise. And to hear you say he could charge money for it? Oh he was riding that high for ages. I feel like he already wanted to open some sort of cafe but really appreciated the support.

And it gives him the excuse to get you to stay around him longer when he asks for your help. Well he's going to cook anyway and you're hungry, so just stick around. He'll make something and pretend to complain about it but he likes feeding you. Well assuming you don't douse his food in hot sauce, though that won't stop him from making you stuff.

I really like the idea of him competing with the Frostheim ghouls idk why. I think MC should get to be good friends with Kaito and Luca and Sho should get to be a brat about it. Vagastrom and Frostheim already don't get along and he never got his fight with Lucas so yeah. He's super intense about how he's way better at protecting MC than they are, especially with Lucas. Part of it is because he feels guilty for going along with Leo's plan and almost getting you killed, he feels like he needs to prove that he's strong enough to not let that happen again.

Speaking of Leo... I sort of get the sense that Sho hides how much he hangs out with the MC from him. In book 3 Leo makes a bet that would see him getting Sho's food truck if he wins it so I sort of feel like if Leo knew Sho liked the MC he'd be insufferable about it. Honor Roll is stealing his best friend (¬､¬) how lame ugh. And he would try to sabotage it because he would find it funny, or even worse try to make Sho's friendship with you the cost of a bet. I could see Sho having nightmares about that.

Book 3. When Towa and MC go missing. I just know in my heart Sho was loosing his goddamn mind. Again I think he feels sort of guilty for almost getting you killed, and now that you aren't with his dorm you just go missing? Unacceptable where are you? How did Jabberwock fuck this up so badly holy shit. I wanna see him admit that he was worried about MC. I wanna know if he got into any arguments with the Frostheim ghouls while the professors forced them to stay behind.

... i kind of want him to argue with Jin. Like specifically Jin. For no reason other than it would be funny to me personally and like... Jin is the one who interrupted his fight with Luca so I just think it would be funny if they had beef.

I need to level his affinity more. I need to see more chats game please ;-; I love him shomuch.

[vallification]

pieck finger headcanons!!!

notes: au/noncanon oriented, some apply to canon too, maybe a few mature themes!!!

let me know your thoughts!!!

pieck’s eyes are a dark, cool grey. their rarity (and her huge downturned eyes) make them very striking

her hair is a cool black that almost looks grey as well

pieck would play volleyball (libero 100%) AND be the kicker on the (american) football team. she tried out as a joke and it secretly pissed porco off when she made it

pieck LOVES video games. GTA, COD, fortnite, and oblivion (elder scrolls) are her favorites. when she plays the former three she’s a huge rage baiter and will laugh herself to tears messing with people thru the mic

it’s nearly impossible to get under her skin but she knows exactly how to get under someone else’s

pieck’s style is weird and effortlessly cool just like she is, but quite basic at the same time. lots of whimsigoth inspired colors, occasional patterns, and strange graphics, but tomboyish and/or shapeless styles

she’s incredibly pale with blue undertones

someone in her apartment complex mistook her for a ghost once and now she makes Spectral Noises when she walks past their door

pieck either works in a library as an assistant or in some sort of physical media store while she goes to school

pieck’s eccentricity is very charming but unfortunately it opens the door to “manic pixie dream girl” territory Very Often

pieck’s hair is slightly wavy and she likes it the way it is without styling it

she’s very picky about food and isn’t food motivated at all. she sticks to frequent snacking and easy foods like toast

however, pieck loves bittersweet things, like espresso and dark chocolate. the only sweet things she’ll eat are semi-sweet chocolate and black cherries

pieck. loves. black cherries.

she wears tainted love by tokyomilk and a black cherry scented lotion

she has her earlobes pierced twice, with small dangling black cherry earrings in the first hole and small ruby studs in the second.

pieck loves to draw. her style is very detailed and she loves to use black ink. she loves drawing textures and weird perspectives

pieck hates pretentiousness with a passion but makes an exception for porco

she listens to a lot of video game music and indie music but her all time favorite is rap.

she’s a fast responder over text but she’s very dry. however, she does love chronically online/niche/brainrot reaction pictures and will send those

pieck loves napping. if she can fit a nap into her schedule (even if she can’t if we’re being honest) she’s going to take one

she’s very touchy/affectionate with her friends and physical touch is her love language. holding hands, cuddling, hugging, etc., are very normal for her

pieck’s a floor girl. she has plenty of furniture but she’d rather sit on the floor

pieck thinks nakedness is the natural human state and could not care any less about nudity if she tried. in fact, you’re not really her friend if you haven’t seen her naked

she has a collection of funky/weird/novelty socks that she wears alllll the time. you’ll rarely see her in plain socks

pieck smokes weed maybe once or twice a month. it’s whatever to her

cigarettes are another story. she loves camel crushes and allows herself two cigarettes a week if she can find a lighter

pieck wears only mascara. she likes the look of a bare face and exaggerated eyes

she cuts her own hair with fabric scissors in her bathroom.

pieck loves embroidery and uses it to mend her clothes, often in the shape of stars or flowers or cherries

pieck’s messy and unorganized, she rarely makes her bed and her dirty clothes are in a pile in the corner of her room

pieck is constantly popping her joints/knuckles and loves when people let her pop theirs

pieck LOVES math and physics, they make her feel mortal and appreciative of life

pieck can’t drive and doesn’t have her license

[psycheofaphaggot]

trying to get into the swing of using this for brainrotting again, so may start chronicling my adventures.

currently i’m remaking my way through some fandoms: rereading old series (now that SOTR has come out i’m reading all THG books over again in order), finishing new ones (experiencing PJO for the first time).

so i’ve been trying to get through PJO in the best way that makes sense chronologically. just finished The Last Olympian, and have now started the Heroes of Olympus series. apparently it’s recommended to basically get through alllllll of the other series books to get all the context before finishing the last two percy jackson-centric books.

for one, seeing Percy through other people’s perspectives is already really interesting i can tell (mind you, i’m still at the very beginning of TLH, at the second Leo chapter). its really funny seeing leo’s perspective and he’s like “wow this percy guy was into everything around here huh”

like YEAH lmao. thinking about it from not percy’s perspective is so funny cause he really was running with everyone 😭 and becoming a defacto leader both in general and in the war is unfortunate.

now i’m going to ask a lot of rhetorical questions that i know i will get no answers to (i don’t want spoilers). and i also KNOW they will be answered by either the end of this book or by the end of the others. quite honestly i’ll probably make this a damn thread every time one of my predictions or questions was correct. but this is SOOO interesting.

it’s already made obvious that Jason is another child of Zeus. i thought it from the very beginning because of the way stormclouds rolled in when he spoke about gods, and of course the lightning strike not killing him etc etc. BUT it only confirmed it for me when they reminded us of Thalia’s last name. my outside knowledge of the fandom (which isn’t much, but its enough) plus the fact that i started the chalice of the gods before realizing i was definitely missing some context. anyways i know that his full name is Jason Grace.

but the one thing i AM interested in is it seems like he was almost some kind of prisoner? of sorts? like you would think his amnesia was some event that happened and he does actually know piper and leo, but it seems like he DOESNT. and considering the tattoo? plus the fact that percy also comes back later (based on the VERY beginning of COTG, do not crucify me) with amnesia of that time. it feels like they came back from the same place?? also hera definitely has something to do with it

anyways, next thing. pipers parentage. i’m SO interested but she’s so vague even in her own thoughts. pipers story like this in general is very interesting to me, it feels as if we’re getting another (in basics) Silena situation, but we actually get to see it from the inside. i’m very curious about it

leo is interesting but its mostly the situations around him that are interesting i’d say. the curse on cabin 9, and the fact that he seems to have a running theme of ghosts and dead people. that is what im curious most about.

now, aside from things about the main 3. there are two things i’m VERY curious about. so the one thing i’ve seen consistently as an outsider to the PJO fandom is Percebeth (of course) and Solangelo. and i only have two thoughts about this (solangelo)

Nico is a very extremely beloved character, and understandably. He’s an angsty kid, who is actually sweet at heart, and has a lot on his shoulders. he’s both easy to like and easy to hate, which makes him a big target for fandoms. but as far as i’ve seen, he has not been…a big character? like i expected him to be so much more pivotal than he was? i know that the former great prophecy stuff was very important and it was surrounding him especially because percy worked hard so that he DIDN’T have to bear the burden of the prophecy. but outside of that i was so surprised to have seen him so little!! i was expecting him to end up in the group of 7 heroes of olympus and yes i know i’m still at the beginning of this but in terms of both age range, and characters i’ve seen and heard of, i’m not sure he is?? there’s gonna be Jason, Leo, Piper, (i assume) Percy and Annabeth, Hazel (whom i will know nothing about till next book) and then just one more slot is left. of course there is still possibility for it to be him— house of hades and all. but i’ve seen more talk about percebeth is HOH than anything else. sooo, my question is (and i actually do want this one answered) does nico actually get more spotlight in this story or did he just become a popular character in the fandom because people love him? like is he such a big face just because a lot of people latched onto him? it’s fine if that’s the case! i’m just curious

secondly, will is almost in a similar position to nico in my head. Almost. they only specifically started to mention him (at least enough for me to notice) around the war in the last book. which i was actually very excited about!! however i noticed he seemed to have a reputation of being like this complete embodiment of sunshine and someone who is always positive and i’ve seen…none of that in his personality so far. nothing wrong with that, considering what’s going on. i’m just curious, is that actually how he is or how he becomes eventually or is that just a fanon thing? especially considering he’s a child of apollo, would make sense for that to be a trait pushed into him to get the sun/moon dynamic, especially if he’s just a happy guy for the most part later on

i dunno, these are just my thoughts so far. if you actually read all of it i commend you. i have commentary CONSTANTLY. so i’ll probably dump again when my questions have been answered or when more pop up. don’t be surprised if you see me again

took me past my childhood to finally sit down and get through PJO as it was constantly around and recommended and yet i never picked it up. but i’m excited, i’ve enjoyed it a lot so far.

[active-mind-15]

I've got some more chronic Akashi brainrot for y'all...

I had re-watched parts of Last Game not too long and I remember the scene after Team Vorpal Swords won when Riko's dad bought a bunch of snacks and drinks for everyone to celebrate. While eating, Midorima asked Akashi (referring to the haphazard way snacks were spread across the table), "Are you sure you're okay with something so sloppy, Akashi?" And Akashi looked at him and said, "What are you talking about? We used to sit around and celebrate like this in middle school all the time."

It really stuck in my head for a reason I kinda mentioned the other day, when I was talking about Akashi's dynamic with Hayama. I won't explain that entire post, but I was mainly discussing how Hayama is touchy with Akashi but Akashi never minds, and the last sentence of my post regarding that was, "Akashi seems to be very unfazed whenever he's manhandled by his Rakuzan teammates which shows that he was never really that uptight about people touching him to begin with and people just assumed he was". This brings me to the main topic of this post: Akashi Seijuro and the assumptions the KNB cast has about his personality.

As I love to point out on this godforsaken app, Akashi has been done dirty by every adult in his life with the exception of his mother. So much of what went wrong in his 3rd year at Teiko was due to high expectations and the idea that Akashi was not allowed to be anything less than perfect at whatever he did, but at the root of all of this are assumptions.

False assumptions that he was able to handle such a heavy workload. False assumptions that he was ready to be captain in his second year. False assumptions that he was coping with stress well. False assumptions that he wasn't already cracking before he even enrolled in Teiko. He was let down so many times by so many people because people assumed he was okay when he wasn't and hadn't been for YEARS.

And I think it's a big reason as to how and why the rest of the Teiko gang unintentionally isolated Akashi back in middle school. They put Akashi on a pedestal and assumed that there was some sort of invisible barrier between him and the rest of the team. In the same way when, during Last Game, Midorima assumed Akashi would stick his nose up at... eating chips and drinking juice with the homies... everyone has this idea that Akashi is more haughty than he actually is? Akashi isn't haughty at all. In fact, the Replace Plus Chapters highlight the fact that he's the complete opposite. This boy saved a baby in one chapter, and as the mother of the baby profusely thanks him, he says "Anyone could have done that." As if he didn't showcase superhuman reaction time and reflexes by pulling a baby out of a runaway stroller coming down a hill at high speed right before the stroller was obliterated by an oncoming truck. 💀

These assumptions make even less sense when Akashi has already shown people how much he doesn't want to be put on a pedestal. Again, back to the scene in Last Game, Midorima assumed Akashi wouldn't be down for the "sloppy" afterparty, but Akashi had to remind Midorima that they'd already done things like that in middle school. Momoi has cute nicknames for every member of the Teiko gang except Akashi, who she refers to simply as "Akashi-kun". Maybe that was her assuming Akashi would never accept being called by a cute nickname. Never mind the fact that he already was being addressed as "Akashicchi" and "Aka-chin" by Kise and Murasakibara, respectively, and then later was being addressed as "Sei-chan" by Mibuchi. And you can't even argue that she didn't want to make Akashi uncomfortable, because Midorima has outwardly expressed before that he didn't wanna be called "Midorin" but Momoi just kept calling him that.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they're shitty friends for doing this. I just think that there was a lack of communication within the Teiko gang, and in an attempt to respect what they assumed were Akashi's boundaries, they unintentionally excluded Akashi from activities that he would absolutely participate in if he had just been given the chance.

This post is long asf so I'll just conclude here, but one of my delusional headcanons for the Teiko gang post-Extra Game is that Akashi becomes more open with them about how he feels and also about wanting to be included in more of their activities, and so he finally gets to experience having a regular hangout with friends like a regular teenager. I just think he deserves that so bad after feeling alone for so many years.

[velnna]

What's Staeve's relationship with the other companions? Like Halsin, Wyll and Shadowheart? I adore your art and your Tav!

Okay so I was waiting to doodle something but huhhh the staeve x astarion brainrot keeps me from doodling him with the other companions much (HOWEVER I might later I love them all)

Halsin - comfort lover is how I'd put it? Halsin has his whole "I'm not going to keep you to myself" thing going on and Staeve fucks w that. It's like friends with benefits++. They both know what they have isn't on the same level as the Astarion bond but enjoy spending time together if he allows it + Staeve does appreciate the sort of stability and support Halsin can give as a friend (and a lover?)(Staeve has daddy issues). I definitely headcanon Staeve going to him in camp to ask for advice in how to deal with Astarion when he's being difficult to navigate

Wyll - Staeve would have been fascinated by Wyll at first. Initially he probed a lot and was very upfront teasing him because in his world there aren't a lot of righteous, kind people like Wyll. Staeve would have tried to bring out some hypothetical dark side only to be greeted with a dance (which he played along with as well). He did eventually reject Wyll's advances but secretly challenged himself to keep him as a friend. Might fail

Shadowheart - The sort of friends where he'd tease her because he thinks she secretly likes it (she maybe does?). He pressed the wrong buttons sometimes, but the fact that she reminds him of his estranged sister in some ways made him recoil and show a more understanding side. He can be caring if he stops being an idiot sometimes and she vibes w that (I say this because he's one Astarion Disapproves away from being most loved by Shadowheart lol)

Karlach - UNFORTUNATELY he's. Super awkward about Karlach. It went downhill fast after he (and I lol) realised that she doesn't really fuck with petty/sneaky shit, and though she doesn't show it, he doesn't really feel like he can push his luck with her. He's also probably just scared she'd beat him to a pulp. Didnt dare hug her just awkwardly patted her shoulder. That being said I do think he'd respect and admire her to an extent

Gale - Staeve finds Gale extremely amusing but is 100% playing him for magical perks and entertainment. He sorta maybe felt bad about it after Gale threw the buggy fit, so maaaaybe he'd keep him as one of those friends you keep around because they compliment the group, nothing too deeply personal.

Lae'zel - I honestly think they'd be good friends/allies but like an idiot I let her die in act 1 so I'm waiting for my rerun to see if I can tweak my canon

Also Staeve loves withers he sees him as the token grandpa. All of this subject to changes if my next run goes very differently (which it might because durge)

[flowersforthemachines]

You know. I am sort of self-conscious about posting my OCs, but on the other hand we all know that love wins, and I do love my first Rook so very much. (love wins so hard, in fact, that I'm replaying the game as her, which has never happened before in all my 10 years of being into dragon age)

Meet Ghilasara Thorne: Hasmal alienage-born (Dalish mother, city elf father), Montsimmard and Ansburg circles-raised before going through many-many things only to end up with the Wardens and later the Veilguard. And as an accessory to my Rookanis brainrot (I could make them SO divorced). Mwah <3

A few of my favourite facts about her under the cut!

1. Speaks fluent Orlesian, but goes to great lengths to hide that fact. As far as most people are concerned, she has never been to Orlais and would be happy to never visit it in her entire life (a fancy Orlesian circle as a backwater city elf was An Experience)

2. Her right eye is a glass prosthetic, she doesn't see out of it. She lost her real eye in a battle with a shriek (that also left her with a big scar on her back)

3. The vallaslin being only on the left side of her face is not her stylistic choice - a Dalish warden agreed to give her a vallaslin after Ghilasara expressed a desire to connect with her mother's heritage (it's also the same vallaslin her mother had). However, the warden died before she could finish the vallaslin, leaving it incomplete

4. Would kill in cold blood for a good cup of tea

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 18)

N was peacefully in sleep mode, wrapped around something he inherently wanted to protect, whatever it was, it was pleasantly cooler than the rest of his body, and he found himself bringing it closer to him.

“En! En! En!” A small little voice chirped into his audio receptors, but even still he remained in sleep mode, where all that was active was his most base code.

That voice was no threat, it was the opposite, it meant love and protection, it was someone who belonged with him, no need to panic, no need to disrupt recharge.

His programming pulled the source closer.

Love. Protect. Mine. Those keyphrases ran on repeat within the part of his system that was always active, always ready to immediately jump into action even when he was asleep.

“Shhh… Tera let your dad sleep…” A second, very sleepy voice met his audio receptors, sending more code running through that system.

Freind. Partner. Love. Protect. Safe.

Still no reason to disrupt charge. Partner not in distress. Offspring not in distress.

“Zi!” He felt something shuffle against him, and the sudden removal of the weight in his arms, finally he snapped out of sleep mode, visor and eyelights popping on all at once in a sudden outburst of conscious thought.

Tera-

“Huh…?” He asked noone, blinking around dumbly, his eyes landed on Uzi, who was currently filling yet another bottle with oil. Tera was unplugged, rolling excitedly in her arms as she impatiently waited for her feed.

“Sorry, I tried to let you sleep.” She said sheepishly, before finishing what she was doing and rolling back down her hoodie, she rubbed her side, apparently all the attention was beginning to make it sore.

“S’okies…” He slurred, still groggy. Dang, what background process was running that had him this out of it?

“Can't believe you have a full size bed and we both used the couch.” She grumbled as she slowly squeezed the oil into Tera’s port, he blushed, oh yeah, they'd cuddled all night…

“Hey the past week's been crazy, you can't blame me for falling asleep.” He defended, not giving into the fact he'd been having a little trouble sleeping without her there.

“Fair.”

Uzi looked disheveled, like she'd just lost a fight or crash landed, her beanie was crooked and her hoodie was lopsided, there were lines under her eyelights that indicated poor sleep.

“How did you sleep?” He asked on instinct, stretching as he splayed out on the couch, he wouldn't lie, it was incredibly comfortable.

“Meh… weird dream.” That was typical for Uzi at this point, “weird” probably didn't describe them very well “terrifying” and “prophetic” was probably a better description.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked, only for her to yawn and shake her head, she would put it up on her conspiracy board when she was next home, it was way easier to sort out that way.

“I'm good.”

N looked slightly concerned, he hoped she wasn't bottling in any emotions, she tended to be good at that.

“I got a message from Thad?” She suddenly said, although it was clear she was talking more to herself, N felt his core flip at the mention of the drones name.

Usi had just checked her system messages (and they were nearly always empty) and found several green colored messages awaiting in her inbox.

WID-Thad: Hey Zi, throwing party this wknd, ur still coming right?

WID-Thad: It's gonna b outside. Don't worry, @ nite

WID-Thad: Or r u gonna need a babysitter fr the kid?

The kid? Oh… oh no.

“Thad knows about Tera…” Uzi whispered, living one of her greatest nightmares, how- how did he find out?

“How'd he find out?” N asked as if he read her mind. She wasn't in the headspace to think about that, not when Thad, the least gossipy person she knew, knew about Tera.

“I don't know! I thought I was doing well in hiding it!” She pulled at her hair, eyelights hollow and the feeling of extreme anxiety crawling up her mechanical spine.

Ohnonononononono….

“I mean it's not all bad? What did he say exactly?” N could immediately tell she had started to freak out, and took Tera in his arms, standing up just to put a hand on Uzi's shoulder.

“Uh… if I needed a-uh babysitter to come to his party?” She tried to breathe, maybe it was some sort of weird, oddly coincidental misunderstanding?

“I mean… I would…” He admitted, but that made sense, he was the one who adopted her, that was the main name on those papers, not her.

“Yeah but he asked me that. I'm not- at least not officially!” She stammered, trying to both claim ownership and avoid it at the same time, two juxtaposing desires, to be seen as edgy and mean so that she could protect herself, and all soft and gushy and parental, bragging about her kid.

It was all very confusing.

“It's okay! Maybe it's just Thad?” N offered, smiling like he really, truly meant it.

It was not just Thad.

When Uzi left N's apartment later that day to track down Thad and figure out exactly where he'd found out from. She'd been approached by drones she didn't even know, asking her how the baby was and how N was doing. Like they totally didn't ignore her existence for her entire life.

The entire colony seemed to know. N had just brought Tera home, how has it spread this quickly! And the assumptions! Several drones had asked how long her and N had been together, one had even asked how well her and N's code fit together.

How was she supposed to answer!? Other than how she did, which was a gruff “Bite me, none of your business.” Before she continued her warpath to Thad’s room, a blush slowly but surely growing everytime she was stopped, congratulated, or questioned.

When she did eventually get to the door, she pounded on it with a fury. How the hell did everyone know so soon?!

“Zi? Woah… you look pissed…” Thad opened the door first with a confused smile, then extreme nervousness, glancing from side to side and backing up slowly.

She shoved him wordlessly into his apartment (which was littered with sports memorabilia) and followed him inside, unleashing her tail to close the door behind her with a aggressive smack.

“How the fuck did you find out about Tera?” She asked, so serious that Thad's eyelights gained a few extra lines underneath them.

“Tera? Is that the kids name? It's cute!” He replied, clearly trying to appease her.

Her tail came up to point at him, saliva dripping from it's needle-like teeth, each drip causing his carpet to singe slightly. It's hot organic breath blowing over his visor.

“Wasn't what I asked Thad.” She put a hand on her hip. She wasn't really controlling her tail right now, but she did agree with it's sentiment, less small talk- let's get to the point.

“Right! Right! No need to get the tail involved!” He gulped, backing away from her tail slowly, putting both his hands up in surrender.

“I overheard your Dad talking to some of the WDF! That and Lizzy said she saw you and N walking into his new apartment with a baby! I drew conclusions?!” He stammered out rather loudly. Sweat appearing and falling rapidly down his visor.

“Okay sure, but why does everyone know!” She exclaimed, raising both her hands in irritation and stomping angerly. If it was just Thad she may not have even minded, but it wasn't was it, it was freaking everyone!

“Lizzy is a blabbermouth and your Dad isn't much better…?” He suggested, still attempting to get away from her irate tail, which had begun chasing him as much as it could while still attached to her.

“I didn't say shit Zi! I knew better!” He exclaimed, looking more and more freaked out of the fleshy appendage as it had somewhat backed him up against the wall.

She sighed, groaning as she put her tail away. Of course it was freaking Lizzy!, she didn't even blame her dad for this one, dispite his everything, he kept family matters pretty tight lipped- he probably hadn't said much.

“Dammit… Sorry Thad, I just… didn't want anyone else to find out about uh… her.” Her voice became… not soft but no longer as aggro.

“Hey it's cool. Didn't think you'd ever want kids though, did N wear you down or something?” He chuckled, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, looking at her with an eyebrow raised.

“Uh! No! She's- She's not mine. Er, not mine mine. She's adopted, and N adopted her, not me.” She explained, violet breaching her defenses as she stammered over her words. Dammit not now! Not in front of Thad!

“Oooooh, yeah that… that makes way more sense. He always seemed more the type then you.”

“Y-yeah…” She couldn't help it when her voice lost it's edge. Even when she tried to hide it.

“Lizzy took a picture though, she kinda does look like… yours.” He sent her a photo over short-range, and she immediately brought it up to her view.

And yeah, he was absolutely right.

It wasn't just the fact that Tera had purple eyelights as well (it's not like that was uncommon.) But her and N were looking absolutely enamored with her, she was even gripping onto his arm as they were walking to get a better look.

She uh… did not remember doing that.

She looked back up at Thad, who was smiling warily, trying to look supportive but also looking incredibly nervous.

“Uuuuuuuuugh” A blush had taken over her face again, this time impossible to hide.

So that's how everyone knew… there was a picture floating around. Photo evidence of her being soft and squishy with a baby.

“Uh Zi…?” Thad looked at her with an amused smile, quickly recovering from her threats once noticing her bravado had deflated.

“My life is over…” She replied, looking like she was suffering deeply, her arms drooped to the floor.

“Thats… probably overdramatic.” He chuckled, stepping closer into her personal space, he hadn't been scared of Uzi, not really. He wasn't sure why, but he'd never got the impression she ever wanted to actually hurt anyone as much as just scare them. He knew she could, and the tail was intimidating, but want to? Nah.

“Theres photo evidence of me being-ah!” She yelped, she was also always… dramatic, seemingly overanimated at times, some people found it off-putting, he found it endearing. A nice juxtaposition to his eternal mellow.

“Of you… being, motherly?” He asked with a smirk as she seemed to melt with embarrassment.

“Yes!”

“I don't think that's a bad thing. I mean, has it been bad for you so far?” He asked, cocking his head. Surely it hadn't, she looked happy in that picture, happier then he'd ever seen her before.

“Well uh, no…” She admitted, the people who had stopped her had all been relatively nice… not as mocking as she'd expected.

“I think it looks good on you! You can't be edgy all the time.” He replied, this time a wide smile on his face, honestly, Thad had known about Uzi's soft center for a long while. He had known her right before Nori died, she'd been… much sweeter then. Soft spoken but not shy.

“Yes I can! Bite me!” And there was the shield… oh well.

“Sorry. You're trying to help.” Oh. Now that was new, the Uzi he knew would never apologize for anything, much less for saying “Bite me.”

“No issue. So are you and N…?

“Uh… no, we're not… I'm just helping him take care of Tera, and uh… speaking of.” The way she stammered and sputtered told him a lot. Mostly that she was still hiding something that's for damn sure, but he didn't want to pry.

“Riiiiight…” He said as if he didn't quite believe her, and he didn't. There was no hiding it in that picture. Hell, they looked like they were married, not even just dating, with the soft looks they both had.

“Okay now actually Bite Me!” She shouted as she stomped off, but Thad stuck his head out of his doorway to shout back.

“You better be still coming!”

She grumbled all the way back to N's apartment, still being stopped every once in awhile to be asked questions, either about Tera, or about her relationship with N.

While her first instinct was to still snap at them, she found herself actively beginning to surpress it. None of these people were asking out of any sort of malice or trying to be mean. Some of them even looked genuinely happy for her.

So she answered them, possibly not in the best or friendliest way (her voice was still rough and a little rude.) But she did clear up a few things here or there.

“No N and I didn't have a baby. She's adopted.”

“No, N's on the paperwork, I'm just listed as a caretaker.”

And when she did reach N's apartment and opened the door. She found N on the floor, helping Tera roll around to chase her toy, a wide grin on his face as a peel of laugher escaped his adoptive daughter each time she was boosted forward gently by his hand.

His eyes snapped up to meet her and they immediately softened, and Uzi had to supress another blush.

Now that she knew he liked her, the signs were rather obvious.

“What did you find out?” He asked, cute little head cock and all, she sighed, sending him the picture.

He blinked, before his face seemed to explode with color, taking a gander over the picture he couldn't help but think how much they both looked like parents.

“O-oh.” Was the only thing that came from his mouth, he look another look at Uzi, who was obviously far tenser than usual, she looked at him, and with only a beat of hesitation, threw herself onto his lap, wrapping her arms around him.

“Uh! Uzi-wha-” He stammered, was something wrong? She didn't typically initiate hugs like this unless she was extremely upset.

“Shut up and hold me goober.” Was all she said, holding him gently. He couldn't see the blush or the smile on her face that had appeared after she'd heard his core skip over a cycle when she'd made contact.

“Y-yeah okay…”

Next ->

[p1nkc4lyps0]

ISAT PKMN trainer assignments

i've been having brainrot recently and i havent really seen people doing pokemon trainer aus, just a lot of pokemon mystery dungeon aus which i think require different perspectives for so i figured i may as well give it a shot.

with my assignments i was making sure to think about actual symbolism and tried avoiding the canon pokemon assignments for a] more of a challenge and b] i havent really seen all of them so if i have picked some of the same pokemon my bad.

SIFFRIN

gimmighoul: tried taking siffrin's coin once, failed, now just hangs around with him and has gotten quite attatched.

minior: a pokemon he's had as long as he can remember. gets a lot of weird looks about it though and has never seen anyone else with one.

chingling: the only pokemon caught in the castle. ding ding!

popplio: what a little clown! a fool! just a litter jester doing a preformance!

hisuian sneasel: basically siffren's dagger. i picked the hisuian one over the johtonian one because it's white.

absol: not a pokemon he had before the loops and has a sneaking suspicion those two facts are related since it seems to remember them to an extent.

MIRABELLE

morpeko: i think mirabelle would like form changing pokemon and also. near the end of floor 3 mirabelle gets like, really annoyed and then eats and is fine. thats what morpeko does.

furfrou: a pokemon with plenty of styles to choose from! she hasn't been able to get it styled recently and while she is getting nervous of it not changing, she has noticed it's happier staying as it is.

indeedee: indeedees are helpful pokemon! often used as servants, i feel mirabelle would relate with this

palafin: a hero capable of change! and paladins tend to fight for a cause, often a religious one like who mirabelle is fighting as a maiden of change.

escavalier: we don't have a fencing pokemon but we do have a lancing pokemon! also the fact a shelmet has to be traded with a karrablast is something

ISABEAU

mimikyu: isabeau is constantly putting up a facade of being a bit air headed, disguisigng himself. i also think with mimkyu wearing a cloak with him being a fashion designer would make this the most stylish mimikyu the world has ever seen

leavanny: this pokemon is known for making clothes from it's silk and any leaves it finds, making it into a clothing maker of sorts, they're also super protective.

bewear: what a big sweetie! aw it loves hugging people, it can also snap your back in two... i feel like this the most fitting attacking pokemon isa with it's bulk, cuteness and hidden scariness [something we see from isabeau when he gets... very protective of the sif nickname]

ODILE

carbink: this was my first thought for an odile pokemon, it's a little rock! and with it's links to diancie, a perfect red herring for what she's studying, they're just native to ka bue. she hardly uses it in battle.

steelix: now this is her attacking pokemon! i know it doesn't cover her primary paper type technically but it does cover her use of rock and scissors type by being steel/ground. i also think she mega evolves it from time to time, for the gems theming.

relicanth: i tried to go with the theme of old pokemon for odile, not generations wise but in the way that relicanth hasn't changed in a millenia. it's also a map, which could be interesting with the island siffrin is from.

bronzong: i can't really explain this one i just think it fits with her character? maybe it's the shape language but it is another old pokemon, showing up in the ruins in arceus so once again, more red herrings for her research.

sinistcha: ka bue is very implied to be japan or at the barest of minimums asia. odile is absolutely a tea drinker to me, this might have been one of her earlier pokemon that came with her when she left ka bue. they also have similar hair

drampa: hahahahah funny grandpa dragon joke~ drampa is reported to burn down the houses of any bullies the child they've befriended, odile has said that she would do horrible things for the party. im not fucking with you. think is not just a odile is the grandma of the party joke. i am dead fucking serious when i say this is her most in character pokemon.

BONNIE

applin: i think bonnie tried to gather apples at somepoint and it turned out to be an applin, they kept it. they seem like the type of kid to enjoy bugs [im counting the none apple bit of applin a bug cause it is to me fuck off]

alcremie: a pokemon evolved completely by accident. their milcery took a strawberry from them while cooking and in an attempt to get it back, span around enough to where it evolved. just some complete loony toons bullshit

yungoose: their first pokemon! caught back in Bambouche and their main defence between themselves and sadnesses when they left. i picked yungoose over some of the other early route mammals because a] tropical and b] i fully believe that bonnie bites people.

unovian darumaka: potentially a gift from the party, more specifically odile who was curious of darmanitan's zen form. it's obviously not a darmanitan yet but it is very useful for lighting fires to cook with.

kantonian farfetch'd: it's basically THE food pokemon being a duck carrying a leek and i opted for the kantonian form over the galarian form since the galarian form is far too cool, bonnie is cringe [/pos]

smolive: cooking oil is a crutial part of cooking are you insane and olive oil is some of them best! very useful pokemon to have on hand and it's slightly more emotionally and nervous natural creates and almost parrallel to bonnie where both end in the same outcome of tears since both are young and not yet capable of fully handling their emotions.

LOOP

gimmighoul: somehow the only pokemon they kept when they gave up on the loops, unsure if it actually remembers the loops or is just a clone...

natu [multiple]: loop can't actually catch any pokemon since, no pokeballs and they'd lose it at the end of the loop. so they've been slowly learning how to befriend all the local natu in dormont, secretly on the hunt for the roundest one. they've found shinies before and would usually be more snappy and blunt after all of those loops due to loosing them. they've gotten good at befriending them all too, being able to tell them apart and what they like. they would never admit any of this though.

[fruitsofhell]

Why is "Magical Mental Illness" ft. Spamton G. Spamton

It's honestly a shame that my delay in playing Deltarune has led to me not making an essay about Spamton already. There are so many things to be said about that wretched little man on every level from character writing to the narrative and gameplay mechanics. And while I would love to be an expert on most of these in order to give a great opinion, I am only a semi-expert in one thing - and that is Psychology in character writing. Even with finally playing the game, it took a few things beyond pure brainrot to get this essay out of me that are important to keep in mind. One, was a video essay I was watching about this very topic which was not sitting well with me. At times the essayist seemed to deliberately negate the in-universe readings of Spamton in order to blunt force certain labels onto him, and at others they hastily stepped over grounds for interesting psychological insights. This then reminded me of the other important aspect, that being some advice my Abnormal Psychology teacher gave my class on what can only be described as an actual blorbo diagnosis roleplay assignment. She advised us to avoid characters from stories too stepped in fantasy because it can at times be near impossible to seriously put a scientific label on that which was meant to be magical through and through. We're not playing Matpat here.

As an avid lover of both fantasy fiction and psychology, I have run into this paradox plenty, to the point I even once had a name for it - "Magical Mental Illness". It is just a fact of the medium that you will often run into characters who express traits discernable as real psychological dysfunctions, but with entirely magical logic behind them. Spamton, in all his spastic glory is a perfect example of this, to the point it is barely even worth pointing out. But what is worth pointing out is how that line between the clinical and magical does not have to be the end of the conversation. My gripe with that essayist is not that they chose an incorrect, haphazard way to look at Spamton, but that it did not provide the most satisfying synthesis. Especially with a game like Deltarune which subtly revels in blurring the line between the real and imaginary for characters and players alike. It is very concerned with how we relate to fiction through how its fiction relates to its own meta-fiction, creating new layers of meaning to explore. Humans have been relying on stories as windows to our souls as long as we've been writing them, and especially as reference for when our souls become troubled. It's only natural that in that legacy, we begin to read about what it even means to read a story.

Kris and the Player: Hand in Unlovable Hand

Before getting too thick into the weeds, it's important to explain what I mean by this double layer of fiction and how it connects to us. In almost all popular stories you have a perspective character or presence to serve as the audience's middle man, and for Deltarune that character is Kris. But Kris is not as passive as the usual protagonist, as they appear to be acutely aware of and tormented by their role as the player's vessel for peering into their world from outside the game. Somehow, this poor 14 year old within their own world has fallen victim to some sort of possession facilitated by a third party beyond them and the player, and the mystery surrounding this predicament and what meaning the story will find in it is one of the pillars of the narrative intrigue. One that ironically draws us into being active participants in this torment of Kris as we seek to understand how to break it for them.

I was actually watching a different video on Kris' backstory when I stumbled across another magical mental illness blunder in analysis that also inspired this essay. The essayist was explaining a part of Kris' backstory told by an estranged friend, Noelle, who describes how Kris used to have a habit of suddenly freezing and staring off into space for some time before coming to again and quietly reorienting themself. As someone watching the video to comprehend the in-universe and meta-narrative implications of this, I was very surprised when the essayist interjected by declaring this evidence of Kris suffering from absence seizures. Unlike the dramatic spastic seizures that typically come to our mind, absence seizures are as Noelle described, where people lose consciousness and freeze in place for periods of time. This interpretation was not useless. It did hint that Kris may have suffered extreme stress during that time in their life, and more importantly, it was a comfort to the essayist who made the connection from their own experience with the trait, but it does cut off discussion on its own. At best absence seizures may have been an active reference Toby Fox used to write the behavior, especially to make it something that people around Kris could attribute to a non-magical source, but in this world of possessions and mysteries that cannot be an answer in itself. Kris is a magical character in a magical context, and no matter what their behavior looks right now, it is more than likely magical mental illness.

Frustrating as those two essayists' reasoning can be, I can't fault the instinct. Honestly as I was watching that video beforehand I was sussing out in my mind a headcanon diagnosis of Kris that could contain the metaphorical strengths of their character and maybe speak some spiritual truth to that disorder and its humanity. One of my first instincts was Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I cringed away from it aware that it is a negative trope to portray alters as adversarial or invasive. But that trope, or more the language of it without the direct clinical label - magical DID - has never stopped being attractive to me, because even if it doesn't align with the psychological truth of the disorder, it does still with a broader metaphor. Maybe its selfish, but when I read of DID, an inevitable theme or story of it arises in my mind that reminds of my personal struggles with identity. How parts of me sometimes felt foreign and cancerous, and how learning to carve parts of those out of me was a silent triumph I longed to express or see expressed in stories around me. In Kris, I see my own middle school age self who lost the superficial childish dreams which defined her and moved through life in a daze as she tried to understand what truly ran her before finding it and taking back control. That thinking can come off as medieval or psychoanalytical, but as a writer I think it can be important to recognize it as a tool of empathy as well. A way for an unafflicted soul to find a root in themselves that at least emotionally blurs the line between themself and this clinically defined "other".

As we'll see with Spamton, this exercise in relatability between players and Kris goes deeper than just the initial experience of struggle, but into that wish to see oneself reflected elsewhere. Deltarune is not a story that needs to have specific discernible labels to its characters' internal struggles, because its not about the answer as much as it is about carrying a question with oneself into another realm. As I or another player may carry insecurities about control of the self into Deltarune, Kris carries their own into the dubiously metaphorical Dark World. As of right now, it is somewhat hard to say whether the Dark Worlds are as real as the life of Kris and their fellow lightners in the Light World, and I doubt this boundary will cease to be toyed with anytime soon. At the end of the first chapter we can see the hint that the card and board game themed Dark World was related to a closet of alike toys, and the connection was made explicit when Kris is told to bring the characters - the darkners - of that previous session into a new ground established in chapter 2's computer lab. But, at the end of each chapter, just as the player could begin to say to themself it may have all been a dream, Kris tears the player's will out of their body and reminds them how willing this game is to confuse the borders of reality inside fiction and out. Making Deltarune a rather inappropriate choice for attempting to draw clean borders between a clinical and magical character psychology.

Spamton Don't Seem Too Well, Does He?

Exploring the Dark World with a focus on Kris is what finally leads us to the one and only, collective delight of millions, Spamton G. Spamton. He is beloved for being a masterclass in how to lead players into the depths of a stories machinations (1). From pithy lore to fundamental existential questions, Spamton's rich character arc encompasses it all brilliantly, but it's not where to begin, as it is not where Kris nor the player begins. First impressions are critical after all, and Toby Fox has pretty much never let looming implications get in the way of a damn funny character. From his very first textbox after bursting out of a garbage dumpster, Spamton is equal parts incomprehensible and memetic. Players will literally freeze up in utter bafflement as they take whole seconds to comprehend the gaping blank space in his dialogue, with may just giving up on understanding its intention and filling in the gaps either way (2). Uniformly capitalized text, keyboard smash-esque grammatical errors, odd meter, and most famously, randomly bracketed text abound. Yet somehow by the end of the first bossfight, most players walk away thoroughly engaged in trying to translate his quirks into YTP impressions or an otherwise stilted and manic tone. He disappears after this first encounter till the final area of the game, but its nearly impossible for a player to not be thinking about him after.

(1) See a great, and highly inspiring breakdown of his character construction in Designing For's video on him!

(2) For examples of what I mean...

These unique mannerisms of Spamton's are where we find Toby Fox's employment and mastery of one of the most common tropes used to convey insanity and instability in a character. It is a tell-tale example of disorganized speech, specifically through a pattern resembling loose association where the words of the subject are strung along by superficial rather than descriptive content. Usually loose associations sends oblivious sufferers on a chain of associations far beyond what anyone but them can understand, but Spamton's writing seems to marry the idea with concentrated dialogue by way of the system of bracketed text. Spamton will splice tangentially related sales-themed slogans and phrases directly into his sentences before picking back up. Trying to say something along the lines of, "Why be a little whelp who hates its pathetic life," becomes --

> "WHY BE THE [[Little Sponge]] WHO HATES ITS [[$4.99]] LIFE"

-- A real life loose association phrase meanwhile would likely have taken "little sponge" and began starting a string of words related to the kitchen sink. The genius on display here, is that Spamton succeeds in getting his very important deal-making scheme across while also reading as utterly insane to the player. It's a careful balance of chaos and conscientious use of the player's time, which adds a character-rich twist to this common cliche. As players acclimate and move on from the encounter, they will likely begin to put together more and more patterns in Spamton's speech which fuels the intrigue.

By the time players return to Spamton's shop and spend even more time delighted and/or terrified by his erratic personality, it begins to become clear that 'crazy' in its more dismissive reading is not the whole picture for him. Really it started with his referencing of Kris' "[[HeartShapedObject]]" in the first scene, which may have been lost on disoriented players, but not on the character themself who visibly, autonomously flinched away from Spamton at the mention of this device which binds them to us. But these revelations are still for a time buried under another mountain of equally well-written quirks that have players continuing to second guess Spamton's legitimacy. At his shop, away from the eyes of Kris' fellow party members or surrounding darkners who have already declared him crazy, Spamton unveils the roots of his madness to them and the player. His catchphrase "[[BIG SHOT]]" begins to take form as an analogy for some kind of higher state of being related to Kris' world, or possibly even the player's, and it is self-evident why he seemingly can't shut up about it --

"> I'LL GET SO. > I'LL GET SO. > I'LL GET SO. > I'LL GET SO. > I'LL GET SO. > I'LL GET SO. > [[Hyperlink blocked.]]"

-- he sputters like a broken, creepily aware toy. What would in a clinical sense be a delusion is the main drive behind Spamton's entire character, a delusion of control that something or someone above him is pulling the strings of the world, and perhaps one of grandeur at his unflinching certainty in his ability to rise above it.

A new quirk in his disorganized speech also emerges in his shop dialogue which goes from a diet loose association, to abrupt breaks in tone and subject mid sentence. One of the chilling examples is triggered when Spamton tries to discuss some "knight" character - a focal point of fan theorizing - but breaks into frantic apology as soon as the words leave his mouth. Before a player could even suspect if this was a reaction to Kris, he screams --

> TOO MANY EXCESS VACATION DAYS?? TAKE A GOD DAMN VACATION STRAIGHT TO HELL

-- Most definitely alluding to some other confrontation. In another, bringing up your fears (which could be related toward God knows how many aspects of this sidequest) leads Spamton to a sudden departure from his unending award-winning grimace, as he solemnly asks, "… can anyone hear me? Help…", before immediately springing back to life--

"> HUH??? WHAT?? NO, I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING JUST NOW!!! > … BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE THEY WERE TALKING TO YOU."

-- Both can be read as a new flavor of break-down in speech content, and the first one especially as some sort of traumatic flashback, but to keep consistent I believe they could be best read as hints of otherwise unreferenced hallucinations. Perhaps trying to speak of something forbidden triggered accusations in his ears causing him to panic and lose his train of thought, or he accidentally parroted a line out loud (echolalia) and tried to deflect as in the last case.

Leaving the shop, as with the first bossfight, is another crucial point where Spamton has sold a second layer of himself to the players as a personality and character^1^. While the full glory of the former won't crystallize until his final confrontation, the latter has been established well enough by now players are choosing to buy tickets to however all this insanity comes together. That insanity is very clinically and unsurprisingly diagnosable as Schizophrenia. Disorganized speech, paranoid delusions, and possible hallucinations are all hallmarks of the disorder and especially its archetype in fiction. His constant smiling affect could even be lumped in with motor dysfunction too if it weren't for the fact that his kin, the adisons display this naturally too. From the backstory the adisons tell of him as an easter egg, a broader picture of Spamton's life as this living corrupted computer ad comes into focus, in a way which could thematically be read as mood disturbances. A life of never-ending career failures perhaps the result of a persistent depression, only to be broken by a psychotic mania in which brute force of personality and ideas - hallucinated from phone static - sent him soaring into the heights of unsustainable success. But that requires more assumptions about him than are necessary, and in the end the core takeaway here is that Spamton presents with highly readable psychotic symptoms.

So there you have it. A clinical, psycho-pathological reading of Spamton G. Spamton from Deltarune. Satisfied? Hopefully not, because I ignored nearly everything about him that is relevant to the story being told. As Spamton becomes more psychotic to the player, he also becomes more comprehensible in parallel. At the same time players can begin to read him as a paranoid schizophrenic, they realize that his paranoia in all its bracketed glory is directly on the money. He recognizes a power dynamic between the worlds of this story that most others are oblivious or apathetic to, and accurately implicates Kris' role within it while soliciting their favor. His associations are less loose and more censorious, and from their syntax-breaking nature, likely not by the volition of him or anything related to his plane of reality. Even his grossly broken text I attributed to hallucinations may be displays of the raw power some of these characters carry in the narrative, and the fear and disorientation they strike in its subjects. While he is doubtlessly still mentally unstable, he is by no means out of touch with reality as the diagnosis of Schizophrenia defines. Spamton is explicitly speaking arcane truths, not the psychological noise that makes up the real disorder of Schizophrenia, no matter how much his mind is struggling to carry that truth's weight.

Garbage Noise

One of the connections that always chilled me in the Spamton story was the notion of the "garbage noise" which the adisons report coming from the speaker of Spamton's phone. I was sure to make this period in Spamton's life where he communicated with a mysterious benefactor over the phone a psychotic one in the mood disorder model for that fact. It is on very purposefully ignorant surface-level evidence that a player could say Spamton's insanity came from nothing, but there is a very fun detail in how they themselves can come to hear this garbage noise. If a player opens Kris' phone and tries to make a call, a shrill mechanical tone tears through the receiver instead of a simple text-description of static. Toby Fox wanted the player to understand what "garbage noise" was, but he also wanted the player to understand exactly where it comes from - any line from the Dark World into Kris' Light World. I can't get enough of obfuscations like this in storycrafting, especially here where it simultaneously combines two ideas at once. We only know of nonsense coming through the phones of the Dark World, but we have heard that it is a divine, higher plane nonsense for Spamton. Whether it once gave way to a clear voice or not does not change its deeper content, and in a way, as much as it may invalidate Spamton as a rational subject, the idea it never sounded any different is revealing and chilling.

Why is it that Spamton presents so bluntly as psychotic when we know he is truthful? Even the source of his madness or genius can't be determined as of now as anything but the darkner equivalent of cosmic background radiation! Well, this is because Toby Fox, deliberately or subconsciously, is drawing on centuries to millennia of fictional ideas to shape this character, not our beloved scientific labels. Without a doubt the most modern framework applicable is that of lovecraftian knowledge and memetic hazards, where the world hides are cosmic facts to be learned that tear the psyche of its learner asunder. I could write an entire other essay on how Spamton is quite possibly the most creative and delightful take on this trope ever created, but sadly, claims like that require substantiation. But, with my pre-existing knowledge of psychology and capacity to wax philosophic, I would like to go beyond that thesis as a historical statement, and more so as a theme or story. The story Deltarune is getting out of this reference to the Schizophrenic archetype, the way I could infer the story of DID out of Kris. What the platonic ideal of this human experience means to Deltarune for Toby Fox to write Spamton as such, and what Deltarune intends it to mean for us.

Throughout human history, we have, frankly speaking, not understood a damn thing about what was happening to or around us. When humans saw the subset of ourselves who ranted and raved about things no one else could see, hear, feel, nor touch, there was a natural mix of apprehension and fascination towards them. We are pattern-seeking animals, nonsensically so even at our healthiest, so of course when our kin passionately speak of patterns found in that which we cannot begin to comprehend, we are drawn to the idea of novel and potentially revolutionary knowledge. But routinely, even in superstitious societies, many have tried to follow the patterns drawn by them only to come to naught. Even those afflicted, once in better health, may reflect and find nothing but psychic noise. But every now and then the pattern leads to something, whether that be a religion, a theory, or just a spark of imagination. Imagination for a world where we create the patterns, and tell the characters within and ourselves which to see and which to ignore. For as harmful as many portrayals of schizophrenic and psychotic behavior based on this fossil of reasoning can be, like those distortions of DID, I can't help but see an attempt for empathy in them. A wish to create a world where the disorientation, isolation, and exhaustion of the psychotic mind we see can find a form of radical acceptance.

The product of this story holds true for Kris and Spamton within the broader narrative of Deltarune, with its open look into how reality becomes fantasy and how that fantasy reinforces reality. Spamton is a character with a shocking amount of impact on Kris, despite them being more aware than any other lightner of the falseness of the Dark World. It is more than just the flinch at Spamton's mention of the player's soul inside them, but their desperate striking of the shell in the basement during the Spamton fight fakeout, and being so emotional after Spamton's defeat that it elicits concern from their party-mates no matter what words the player puts in their mouth. To Kris, Spamton - this ridiculous embodiment of a spam email thrown in the trash - should be no more than an overly interactable and self-aware cartoon. Spamton's words, his actions, and his ambitions have no reason to matter to them, most of the insights he gives are into Kris' own vision. But they nonetheless highlight something in it that shakes Kris to their core, and causes them to look down on this speck of a man from their higher plane, and squirm in empathetic agony. Spamton's struggles speak to their own; speak to freedom, captivity, choice, autonomy. Things that Kris has been struggling with silently since the player opened a save files, and which Kris is for the first time hearing put into words. Passionate, direct yet censored words. Coming from a 3ft tall spam email, but coming from something nonetheless.

Spamton's struggles do not fall on deaf ears for players either, no more than Kris' do, drawing them deeper into every moment of every interaction between these scheming characters. When a man in the real world speaks of being tied to metaphysical strings and reaching a new plane, others in their superegos understand this to be baseless, but still feel something metaphorical to hold on to. All of us feel patterns which cannot be measured as materially as we would wish on a daily basis. Ones we can connect partially to tried and true philosophies of science, even religious doctrines, but which we strain not to turn into something too cosmic, for fear of chaining ourselves to unreason. An abstracted, diffuse lack of control in life has inspired everything about the human condition down to the delusions of that hypothetical man. But when this intangible captivity is molded and sculpted into a lower reality, into a story, it can become more real, it can become comprehensible and acceptable. So when we are insecure about feigning more knowledge than we could ever truly know about our own cosmos, we create miniatures and have them discourse with us about the patterns we have brought into pseudo-existence. And crucially, for all the pity or fear we cast upon those sick with societal and psychological superstition, we imagine a world where people like them can speak a real truth. Where listening to them and indulging in their passion through all the insanity is not just unashamed but objectively correct. Where the story - not the reality - of psychosis makes sense.

Watch Me Fly [[Mama]]!

But at the same time, knowing that we cannot truly grasp past our own cosmos anymore than a fictional seer can be rewarded with realness for his insights, we often can't help but write a bitter ending. Deltraune puts Spamton within a unique position, where by being from a world within a world, there was at least that one plane for him to jump to. There is a version of Deltraune where Spamton became a "[[BIG SHOT]]" and entered the Light World. But that is not the version of Deltarune that Toby Fox wanted to tell, because that would be about a hypothetical less real, less true to existence for the player than a spam email coming to life and begging them for money. If Spamton's schemes had succeeded, it likely would have been too unreal for that anyone to even consider trying to diagnose him with a real world sickness, because his failure is what gives him that tangibility. That fantastical caricature based in a true story of human existence allows us to explore our dreams and to blur the lines between ourselves and those we deem a simultaneously wretched and idealized other.

Like Kris cutting the strings of Spamton's big but not "[[BIG]]" enough body, we cut the strings of these dreams to allow sobriety to wash over us, reminded that no character nor person can move past their dedicated realities. Spamton then resigns himself to being an aspect for Kris to carry throughout their adventure, offering: "Let me become your strength." A silent passion once again, after the bombast of his performance that reminds us that it was a truth at one point, spoken by something, by someone. Spamton's lust for freedom, control, and understanding will stay in Kris' heart throughout their own character arc, and once they have succeeded or been cut down in parallel, we, the players, will have an aspect of them with us as well. A reminder that someone out there, some artist named Toby Fox, recognized a truth that we resonated with for all its potential absurdity, and spoke it long enough for us to dream and wake again. Hopefully with a clearer image of the world around us, in all its utter incomprehensibility and infinite meanings. A few of those meanings we hold in our back pocket just became a bit clearer thereafter.

That is why we have magical mental illness. Some of it is ableism and people wishing to assert an arbitrary boundary between sanity and reason, some of it is patronizing misplaced sympathy for struggling people, some of it is a profound meditation on the power of knowledge. It all gets a bit jumbled together after so many years, so many iterations, so many countless voices contributing to the noise that forms into what we would call a trope. But that history of meaning-making is beautiful and it is present in Deltarune. In amazing crystal clarity before the game is even a third of the way finished, may I add. The piecemeal nature of this story is perfect for letting ideas like those of Spamton get as much room to breathe as they can, as I can only imagine the game has more knockouts like him in store, but it would be a crying shame for them to all drown each other out in one single release window. Perhaps because Deltarune is a story about characters digesting stories, it makes most sense too for there to be delays - no matter how asynchronous - between adventures. If people want an excuse to understand why Kris reopened a Dark Fountain at the end of Chapter 2, just think about how hungry we all are to get another bite out of this game and its resonant characters this June!

[qiu-yan]

3 6 7 11 16 20 25

bro is trying to get me killed lmao /s

choose violence ask game

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr:

this shit

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

gonna be honest here, the single most annoying part of the MDZS fandom is that one hyperspecific sort of wang and xian stan who insists on shitting on not only the other characters, but also other wang and xian fans who ship the characters in ways they don't approve of. this kind of stan can not only be relied on to have the worst possible takes on everyone ranging from jin guangyao to jiang cheng, they can also be relied on to harass other wang and xian fans simply for putting wang on the bottom. fun times.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

surprisingly, no one yet. sometimes i feel the hater urge to dunk on the morally-pure version of wei wuxian that the diehard wei wuxian stannies have collectively hallucinated, but i still find the wei wuxian from canon to be quite compelling.

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

the "canon jiang cheng" and "canon jc" tags. everyone stfu

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

"morally pure wei wuxian who did nothing wrong ever." to me, wei wuxian's hubris, his unique capability for inventing new kinds of cruelty, his failure to think of the consequences of his actions, his tendencies to run away from negative feelings, and his ultimate failure to protect the people he was trying to protect, are what make him a compelling character to me. these flaws in parallel with his courage, kindness, stalwart moral compass, and genuine love make him interesting to me. so i don't quite understand fans who instead insist on erasing all the morally grey and highly interesting stuff he did in favor of insisting he did nothing wrong ever.

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

not quite what the question is asking, but i found the actual wang and xian romance in the original novel to be a bit lacking. mainly because (as other people have said already) a lot of the romantic development happened when lan wangji was drunk. at the very least, i wanted to see lan wangji's reactions to his various drunken adventures once he sobered up the next day, and i'm rather disappointed we never got to see that.

furthermore, on wei wuxian's end, it did kind of feel like wei wuxian was using this exciting new romance to distract himself from his past problems, even though it also seemed like he didn't actually know all that much about lan wangji. the only version of the romance that makes sense to me is the one where wei wuxian was already into lan wangji (subconsciously or consciously) in his first life; otherwise, wei wuxian falling in love with lan wangji during his second life, when he's yet to process any of the shit that happened in his first life, feels too much like him running away from his problems with a guy he believes will validate all his decisions. meanwhile, on lan wangji's end, i feel like the novel just did not give us a lot to work with in regards to his character. so it feels like, if you want to be a fan of lan wangji, you have to do a lot of the legwork of building up his personality yourself.

what also disappointed me a bit about wang and xian, as well as lan wangji's character arc itself, is that lan wangji is never really challenged on a moral-dilemma level in the same way that many other characters are challenged by the story. how do i explain this...alright, i'll put it this way. i've been brainrotted about madohomu (madoka magica) since i was in middle school. and that's partially because i know for a fact that, if homura was put in the trolley problem and had to choose between [killing 5 strangers] and [allowing madoka to die], she would choose to kill those 5 strangers to save madoka. but after reading MDZS, i realized i legitimately did not know what lan wangji would do in such a moral dilemma. because MDZS equates [being morally righteous] with [supporting wei wuxian], lan wangji is never placed in a dilemma where he has to choose between sacrificing wei ying and doing something the audience would think of as unforgivable.

these are just my own hyperspecific tastes, though.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

gonna put my hater hat on for a second, but i kind of roll my eyes at the jiang cheng haters complaining about how jiang cheng stans keep posting in the "canon jiang cheng" tag. dude, if it bothers you that much, just block the jiang cheng stans. then things will be peaceful in your favorite tag again.

[mewpathy]

FINALLY. THE REASON WHY I MADE THIS SIDE BLOG. HER.

Been having a TON of brainrot from TOH again and my old mlp next gen habits kicked in sooooo... yeag

More ab her under the cut bc WOOOO BOY i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ON HER

So! I think I should begin with just the fact that she is, for lack of a better term, a anomaly. Grimwalkers have never been recorded to reproduce- on top of her being a weird mixture of not really human and not really witch... Uncanny valley for both species yk?

Hunter and Luz were in their mid-20s when Luz got pregnant with Lunala,, which was a shock for both. More Hunter than Luz lmao she was cruising. At the time the two had just started up a cultural exchange of sorts with the human realm so on top of the stress of new baby... yeah it was a time.. Doesn't help that halfway through Luz's body was like- smth,, smth aint right and so while not on bedrest, she did have to tone down her activities and now, with medicine advancing, many theorize that the left over Titan magic in her is the only reason she survived.

Then out popped Lunala! Lil freak of a girl. Hunter cussed out the fact hes a clone bc bby girl gots her wack goofy ahh cousin(?)s blue eyes- Phillips last F u lol- the yellow from Mama only started coming out when she turned 4-ish. On top of that, she got the staple four digits with pawpads all Grimwalkers have and EXTREMELY horrible equilibrium and thermoregulating ability. She is bundled up 24/7 and cant walk without her cane. Messed up gal.

Due to the irregularities of magic during her formation her bile sac cannot filter magic properly- some days she'll be equal to a fully grown witch and others she'll be bedbound due to her own bile sac essentially leaking the excess out of her when a usual one would get rid of the "used up" magic via normal ways- another reason why she uses her cane. On top of this, the excess magic (if she hasn't used any in a while) starts to drip out of her mouth, being almost acidic. A fine line she has to walk between literally spewing acid and being poisoned by her own body. She survives tho! Also her teeth too big for her gotdamn mouth,, queen of braces

BUT OH HO HO. THIS DOES NOT STOP HER FROM BEING A LIL CREECHER. A GOOFBALL. A MENACE. She looks /TERRIFYING/ when happy/scheming but genuinely means well- taking her Mama's words to heart- "It becomes bullying when no one but yourself is having fun" and essentially tries to make others laugh/be in a good mood,, unfortunately a lot of people find her to be unnerving- only really finding a few good friends in Ophelia- Willow and Amity's adopted daughter-, King, Collector, and a school friend Ricardo- a human on the Boiling Isles via the cultural exchange program.

Outside of other's around her age, she gets along with her parents and family wonderfully! Lunala can be very quiet when she wants too and has found a particular gift for essentially reading people and being able to help them- magical therapist if you will. On top of exploring the human realm with her Auntie Vee (Who has become a cross country explorer and nature conservationist), she has a hell of a time helping her Dad practice for his games or his most recent pailsman carving, or helping her Mama document the entirety of the Boiling Isles or be a proof reader for her Mama's books. Fun stuff!

Her pailsman- Manny- is named after Luz's dad, after seeing pictures her Abuela left out. Manny and Lunala are two peas in a pod- with both being seen as unnerving. On top of that, Manny being a King Cobra gives a slight hint to Lunala's... less than spectacular anger. She doesn't get angry often but when she does her bile sac works overtime with the amount of adrenaline she gets from her anger, which, of course, leads to the acidic overspill and very... unsightly view.

As she gets older, and learns to control her anger more, she'll become a terrifying politician both in the Boiling Isles and in the human realm and hobbyist child psychologist.

ANYWAY ITS MIDNIGHT AND I GOTS SCHOOL BYE HOPW YALL ENJOY THIS RANT

[cigfranfach]

This piece is months old by now, but looking at it always brings back bittersweet feelings. Finishing my first ever run of the game, what a ride! BG3 was the first RPG game I've ever played, and for all its flaws, I enjoyed it thoroughly and can't wait to start yapping about my other runs... once I get the Neph brainrot out.

Anyway, I couldn't finish the game and not draw anything for it! I have a bigger project than this that, months later, I am still trying to finish. Thank you, moving twice all while working and trying to do a cosplay at the same time. Regardless, I decided to put my ballroom/latin dancing experience to use and draw some dancing, and some more goofy scenes. More info about the individual scenes in the alt text!

For those curious, here was all the companion endings for my game:

Astarion: Ascended. He and Neph are on good terms and still gossip girls, with Neph regularly exploiting their connection whenever she has shadier things needing doing in the city. Probably also her main source of comfort when it comes to basically-immortal issues like outliving loved ones.

Gale: God. Neph kind of let him do his own thing, as she was torn between encouraging him to become a deity and thus a very handy contact to keep around... and her disgust at the thought because, ugh, raising a man to godhood? He's now like a very, very, very distant uncle to her kids, and she will never forgive him for leading one of them to follow him.

Wyll: Duke. Wyll was Neph's favorite man in the party, so she was happy to encourage him to become a duke. Think of all the strings she could pull through him! He's just relieved Neph settled down rather than trying to become some sort of shadow politician through him.

Lae'zel: Rebel. Neph was very sad to see her favorite gith and former flame leave, and that she couldn't even bother to show up in-person for the party, smh, but oh well, her loss. She fully approves of the rebellion, though, if only because it means Lae'zel is effectively immortal (no aging in the Astral Plane!) and will be around for a long time :] And also she thinks Vlaakith is annoying and not only a heathen god, but a false god, which is a no-no for this Lolthite. Maybe someday Xan and Neph's kids will get to meet.

Shadowheart: Selunite, Romanced. Her and Neph are living the cottagecore wife dream, their respective insanities and insecurities weirdly balancing out to form a lovely sodium chloride ship. While they renovated an abandoned church for their house, they also built a home just a short walk away for Arnell and Emmeline, who Neph is... still getting used to. Nice parents? What the hells are those?

Karlach: Died :( I'm not much of a crier, but that ending scene got me darn close... phew. I miss her. I wish more people had mentioned her absence at the party, because I sure felt it. Neph and Shadowheart keep a shrine for her with the soul coins and her weapons in the corner of their house. Neph personally would never admit she really misses her, though you bet she misses having another sisterly figure around... particularly after being away from her giant family for so long.

Halsin: Returned to Reithwin town and became a dad! He and Neph never really interacted, as Neph was not about to ask a Man for help figuring out her druid powers, but his approval was pretty stable and he wouldn't stop talking to her at the party. Which drove her a little up the wall. Ignore the fact she keeps that whittled duck on her mantle and did, in fact, accept his hug at the party. I imagine they probably swap kid stories, sometimes.

Minthara: Returned to Menzoberranzan, Neph was VERY unhappy she was not invited on any Underdark adventures, particularly because she also has beef with the Baenres. She supports her regardless, even though Minthara wishes she would just leave her alone lmao. Though she probably does appreciate Neph smuggling some ulaver wine into the party for her, though—Neph has far better contacts than she does on the surface.

Jaheira: Retired! The two always got along great, and she's something of a distant aunt to Neph's kids now, and the two families link up regularly. Jaheira is also a big help with Neph's learning of surface magic, what with them both being druids.

Minsc: Living in a sewer, apparently? He and Neph were never really more than acquaintances and while she finds his oafishness amusing, she's not interested in keeping him around. She does like Boo, though.

[skyrim-forever]

WIP Wednesday

WIP Wednesday? Actually on a Wednesday?

Thanks for the tag @umbracirrus <3

Tagging: @theoneandonlysemla @thequeenofthewinter @lucien-lachance @dirty-bosmer @pocket-vvardvark @firefly-factory @changelingsandothernonsense

I'm taking a brief break from beading this week thanks to not feeling well, but thankful I am reinfected with the Ondolemar brainworms and writing is happening :) This is a very self-indulgent piece because I like the trope of having nurse someone back to health and I'm combining it with pain meds making you say goofy stuff :P Enjoy my brainrot <3

“Do you remember waking up earlier?” 

“I woke up earlier?” She nods. 

“Phy gave you a fairly strong healing potion and you didn’t remember anything. You had some interesting things to say though.” Embarrassment washes over him. 

“By Auri-El, what was it?” She seems very pleased with herself, despite the fact she saved his life, she was still toying with him. Though he supposed that’s what he loved about her. Her ability to push his buttons with a loving hand. 

“I managed to get all the Dominion secrets out of you, a courier is on his way to the General. Expect a full-scale invasion of Alinor by next month.” 

“I knew you’d be my downfall.” She laughs, answering him in earnest now. 

“Well you started by saying I was very pretty.” He chuckles but that only aggravates the pain. 

Quickly she is opening some sort of salve, scooping it up with her fingers before coated the wound in it. It’s soothing. Where did she learn all this? Thalmor soldiers do not get much training in healing, beyond a small arsenal of restoration spells. He knew nothing about healing plants or potions.  

“It is true my love, you are very beautiful.” He places his hand on hers. 

“You were particularly concerned that my husband would come home and find you half naked in my bed.” 

“Well, will he?” He grins at her, the pain still present but the humour of the situation is helping. Theodora smirks at him. 

“Oh yes, I think he’ll be home any minute and kick you out for the wolves. Damn elves taking everything, including our women!” 

“Even in this state I’m sure I could still take him.”

[haunted-by-shadows]

Trans Theon Brainrot (NSFW marked)

Okay so I’ve had severe transmasc Theon brainrot for the past few days after going on a very GoT/Greyjoy themed holiday

These are 99.9% based on showverse Theon in a modern AU but there are a few elements from the books sprinkled throughout. Most of them are pretty angsty (it is GoT) but there’s some fluff and crack-ish ones too

This is based on personal experiences/fantasies as a trans man. They’re also just my personal headcanons, which I separate from actual canon events/characterisation <3

Minors DNI, NSFW headcanons included

SFW Content Warnings:

Dysphoria, transphobia (internal & external), attachment issues, Balon’s A+ parenting, abusive childhoods, fucked-up views of gender norms/roles, self-destructive behaviours/poor coping mechanisms, mental illness, self harm, unhealthy/abusive relationships, menstruation (transmasc character), implied pregnancy (transmasc character), injection/surgery mention, Ramsay Bolton, consensual Thramsay

NSFW Content Warnings:

Explicit consensual Thramsay (Theon is totally onboard with everything but I cannot stress this enough, Ramsay can be a mean SOB), AFAB terminology, feminisation, established power dynamics, general BDSM mention, vaginal penetration (trans man), humiliation/degradation, Daddy kink, breeding kink, size kink, ownership kink, marking/biting/scarification

Personality:

* For all his outward arrogance and inflated self-importance, Theon is deeply insecure and anxious. He attempts to keep the people in his life distant and detached emotionally, believing that it’ll hurt less when they inevitably abandon him

* His tendency to act like an asshole is half mimicry of the adults in his childhood, especially his uncle Euron, and half defence mechanism. Years of being a disappointment to his father has created a toxic, twisted persona that he believes Balon would finally be proud of. In reality, he’s just a scared little boy who wants to be loved

* During his teenage years, Theon suppressed anything about himself that could be construed as feminine, worried that others would question his identity or that he wouldn’t be ‘trans’ enough

* (Before meeting Ramsay) In order to gain any sort of attention and feel desirable, Theon acts overly flirtatious and puts himself in toxic intimate situations. Robb and Jon have had to step in to rescue a very-intoxicated Theon from many unsavoury characters on nights out

* Deep down, Theon is very sentimental and soft - he adores the ocean, animals and flicking through books his mother used to read to him

* Now in his mid-twenties, Theon is more authentically confident. He’s grown his hair out a little, paints his nails and wears eyeliner, steals Sansa’s cropped shirts - he looks damn good and he knows it (besides, Jon does it too)

The Greyjoys:

* Theon’s relationship with his father is nonexistent, aside from the lasting emotional scars, fear of abandonment and chronic insecurity stemming from his childhood

* Even as a child, Theon was regarded as the ‘weakest’ Greyjoy heir. Pre-transition, he was already much more sensitive, gentle and emotional than his older sister, Yara, who took after their brothers

* Yara is fiercely supportive of Theon’s transition, she has always known her baby brother was a bit different and loved him regardless. After Alannys’ death, Yara takes over protecting Theon from their father the way their mother used to. However, she takes a tough-love approach rather than Alannys’ coddling one, fearing that Theon will not be able to defend himself should she not be there

* Balon’s neglect and abuse of Theon is less to do with the fact that he’s trans, and almost entirely to do with the fact that he fails to live up to the image of Maron and Rodrik - if he’s suddenly going to have a third son, he bloody better act like a traditional Ironborn man (Theon does not, at all)

* In all honesty, Balon doesn’t give enough of a shit about his kids to care about their gender identities - he just wishes his only living male heir could’ve turned out to be Yara instead. In his eyes, at least she would be tough and gritty enough to take ‘the role of a man’

The Starks:

* At first, Theon deeply resented his adoptive family and the bond they share with one another - it wasn’t fair that he couldn’t have what the Stark children could. It took many years but eventually, Theon let his guard down and truly felt like part of the family; he now considers Ned and Cat his parents, and the Stark kids his siblings.

* When Theon came out, he told Sansa first. She proceeded to kick everyone out of the house to plan a gender reveal party with Margaery and Dany. Though he pretended to be embarrassed, Theon had never felt more affirmed in his life

* Jon and Theon used to despise each other; the latter would go out of his way to demean his adoptive brother because at least he wouldn’t be last in the pecking order anymore. As time went on, both realised they were as lonely and rejected as the other. Theon began dragging Jon out to socialise with their classmates, while Jon introduced Theon to his favourite bands, his favourite emotional outlet. Ned eventually converted part of the garage into a makeshift studio for the pair to thrash out all their frustrations. They’ve seen Nine Inch Nails live together four times. Jon cried every time, Theon hasn’t told a soul

* Once, when he was seventeen, Theon injured himself by swimming in his binder and wasn’t allowed to wear it for a week. He hid in his room for three days before Robb and Jon burst into his room, both wearing bras they stole from Sansa and stuffed with socks. They refused to take them off and kept attention away from Theon until he could safely bind again

* Arya bonds with Theon as he helps them explore their own gender identity and expression, constantly reassuring them that they can look and act however they want no matter who they are

* Even though he’s now starting high school, Rickon still introduces Theon to everyone as his big brother. Theon doesn’t think he’ll ever stop feeling gender euphoria when he hears it

* Ned is a little awkward around Theon for a while, he’s out of his depth and doesn’t want to offend the boy. In his office, he spends hours pouring over forums for parents of trans youth, medical documents and trans charity webpages. If anything, he goes into extreme, unnecessary detail in his research, which is mildly embarrassing but Theon appreciates the effort all the same

* In Cat’s eyes, Theon is a troubled, problem child: starting fights at school, excessive drinking, cutting himself, disappearing for days at a time. However, when he finally receives his first appointment with a youth gender specialist, she holds his hand the whole way to the clinic

* Bran finds comfort in the fact that Theon is different too. At times he considers himself an outsider compared to his siblings, but Theon listens to his rants and truly understands how he feels

Ramsay:

* A brief overview of how I headcanon Rams in this scenario before I get into his and Theon’s relationship. Ramsay has a dysfunctional family, anger management issues, a major obsession with Theon Greyjoy and some form of antisocial personality disorder. He’s nowhere near as depraved as he is in the show/books but he is still controlling, impulsive, violent and all-round antisocial. His attachment insecurities due to his relationship with Roose has led to a warped view of love and a desire to ‘own’ those he has deep feelings for - Roose has drilled into him that showing affection and vulnerability are signs of weakness. This manifests most aggressively around Theon (who he truly loves, adores, cares for usually tolerates)

* Anyways, Ramsay doesn’t strike me as the transphobic type - he hates everyone equally. He’s quite supportive, in the sense that Theon is still his pet regardless of what his body looks like. In fact, Theon being trans gives Ramsay more opportunities to control/change his appearance

* Ramsay gladly plays the role of ‘daddy’; he has his own daddy issues to work through and Theon is desperate for any kind of praise and validation. Sometimes all Theon wants is a firm hand to guide him and put him in his place, which works perfectly for Ramsay

* Their attachment to one another is undoubtedly unhealthy but it’s a perfect dynamic: Theon finally feels wholly wanted and Ramsay knows that Theon can’t won’t ever leave him

* They met in university; Theon studying art and Ramsay, biology. Well… Ramsay notices Theon from afar, sees right through his mask of confidence and makes it his life mission to rip it off forever. Robb and Jon are immediately suspicious when Ramsay begins cosying up to Theon, but Theon is smitten; a handsome, intelligent guy is interested in him and knows exactly what to say to validate him, almost as if Ramsay already knows everything about him…

* Theon’s hormone treatment begins after he starts being owned by dating Ramsay, as up until that point hormones and surgery have been financially unattainable (Balon has never lifted a finger to help). Luckily, the Bolton’s are loaded from their totally-legal business practises and Ramsay is more than happy to pay for Theon to attend a private clinic. Although this comes across to everyone else as uncharacteristically sweet for Ramsay, he secretly plans to hold Theon’s testosterone hostage should he ever think of leaving :)

* Ramsay insists on administering all of Theon’s testosterone shots and blood tests. Theons knows it makes Ramsay feel in control, but finds it endearing nonetheless

* Rams absolutely gets agitated whenever Theon gets his period, because how dare his boy bleed and be in pain when it’s not by his own hands. This is the main thing he can’t control and hates feeling like he doesn’t have complete ownership over Theon’s body. Theon has had to explain repeatedly that he can’t just ‘hold it in’, as Ramsay is a possessive motherfucker and has convinced himself that Theon is purposefully depriving him of his bodily fluids

* This belief is in spite of Ramsay’s biology degree because whenever Theon is concerned, the laws of science cease to exist because ‘the little bitch has to be doing this just to spite me’

* When Theon announces that he has found a surgeon for top-surgery, Rams almost has an aneurism from jealousy - no one else is allowed to scar or mark his precious pet. Subsequently, he pays his way into a plastic surgery course in order to perform Theon’s top surgery himself (in the Dreadfort’s basement)

* Roose is almost pleased when Theon moves into the Dreadfort; Ramsay is completely infatuated with the boy and is ‘behaving himself’ more than usual. He is unbothered by Theon’s transition, but dreads the possibility of mini Ramsay’s wreaking havoc in the future

NSFW Headcanons

* Ramsay lives for the spike in Theon’s libido a few days after his T-shot, loves how needy and insatiable he gets for any kind of stimulation, constantly dripping wet and ready for Ramsay to use whenever he pleases

* No matter where they are, Ramsay has a filthy mouth and it drives Theon insane. Rams loves watching his boy squirm after whispering something dirty to him during family gatherings

* Though he used to suffer from a lot of genital dysphoria, Theon adores bottoming for Ramsay; the man has an impressive dick and a damn oral fixation, he eats pussy like a god

* A size queen through and through, the size/build difference between Ramsay and himself really gets Theon going; it’s so easy for his boyfriend to pick him up and slam him against the nearest surface, or pin him underneath his weight. It makes Theon feel so incredibly small and it takes his breath away. Similarly, Ramsay loves how slim Theon is and incorporates it frequently into his bedroom talk - “Aww, is my cock hurting you, sweetling? Is it too much for your little pussy to take?..”(Theon almost cums from words alone)

* Rams 100% has a breeding kink; marking Theon from the inside, carrying his baby, showing everyone else who he belongs to - Theon isn’t exactly opposed to that fantasy either ;)

* Speaking of kinks! Both have a hardcore daddy kink, self explanatory. They pretty much have a 24/7 Dom/sub dynamic and enjoy many aspects of BDSM

* The first time Ramsay, jokingly, used the nickname ‘Princess’, Theon tried (and failed) to hide the fact that his boxers were soaked through. Now, Rams drops it casually into conversations for the satisfaction of watching Theon attempt to hold himself together

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I absolutely have more headcanons in the deepest darkest recesses of my brain but these are all I can put into words atm