#simp wilhelm

[simsim54]

Wilhelm: Being gay is not a choice. Wilhelm: *holding Simon like a trophy* But it is a game and I have won.

[raincitygirl76]

Editing to add great tags by @kikikiwi27498

no bc the power dynamic between simon and wilhelm is amazing. simon is this quiet, "poor", music nerd and wilhelm is not only a feisty badass but a literal fucking prince, yet wilhelm is the puppy-eyed romantic trying not to slip on his own drool blindly trailing behind simon while simon is the lil shit (endearing) who teases him and doesn't give a shit he technically has a higher status than himself in every single way and treats him like the dweeb he is❤️

[fireinthefireproofvault]

Choose Your Fighter, Ladies...Or Perhaps Gentleman 😉

Colonel Robert Hogan

Strengths: ★ Smooth bastard ★ Absolute fiend on the drums ★ Good kisser ★ Knows all the best date spots ★ +1 to arguments because nobody's arguing with a man with brown eyes. Whatever you say beautiful. Weaknesses: ★ A little manipulative ★ Assumes he knows what you want, may or may not be correct Special Attacks: ★ Giving you the illusion of control with his suggestions ★ Somehow making you weak with just a little tease or one-liner ★ Utilizing Little Shit special ability set in private times Corporal Peter Newkirk

Strengths: ★ Amusing you with his magic tricks ★ Pickup lines ★ Good with his hands ★ Those baby blues ★ Persuasion ★ Can sew ★ Arms Weaknesses: ★ Wandering eye ★ Can be a lil sexist sometimes Special Attacks: ★ Always calling you 'love' ★ Uses Safecracker special ability to either hide you little gifts to find or alternatively hide things of yours so he can feel important and helpful when he finds it Sergeant James Kinchloe

Strengths: ★ Intelligent ★ Level-headed ★ Looks ★ +2 argument buff. One for competency and also whatever you say beautiful ★ Pro boxer ★ Electronics expert ★ Bass player ★ Plumbing skills Weaknesses: ★ Some people have a hard time dating someone smarter than them ★ Dry humor can debuff those with the autism special ability Special Attacks: ★ Jack of All Trades special ability means he's sort of OP ★ Great joke/impression timing Corporal Louis LeBeau

Strengths: ★ Excellent cook ★ Great with animals ★ Can sing ★ Can sew★ A romantic ★ Ready to kill nazis at any time ★ +1 argument buff. Whatever you say beautiful Weaknesses: ★ Reaching top shelves ★ Easily provoked into fights Special Attacks: ★ Simping ★ Bilingual special ability means he says all kinds of poetic things to you in English and French ★ Learning to make all your favorite things Sergeant Andrew Carter

Strengths: ★ Chemistry whiz ★ Would be a gentleman toward you ★ No shortage of conversation ★ Cutie pie ★ Learning to knit ★ Likes you for you ★ Will blow up anything you ask him to Weaknesses: ★ Social cues ★ Sensory overload ★ Sarcasm Special Attacks: ★ Autism special ability grants great sincerity and dedication ★ Sharing his special interests and culture with you Sergeant Richard Baker

Strengths: ★ Tall, dark, and handsome ★ Electronics expert ★ Plays the bass ★ Can reach the top shelf for you ★ +1 argument buff Weaknesses: ★ Screen time ★ Backstory Special Attacks: ★ Good at learning what you like and remembering it ★ Seems like he would be good at carrying people bridal-style Colonel Wilhelm Klink

Strengths: ★ Passionate lover ★ Will enjoy the finer things with you ★ Genuinely cares about you ★ Buys you jewelry ★ Tries to act tough but in reality will do anything to make you smile Weaknesses: ★ Easily manipulated ★ Eyesight ★ Violin Special Attacks: ★ Dominant tendencies ★ No escapes from Stalag 13...or his love! Sergeant Hans Schultz

Strengths: ★ Sweetheart ★ Very complimentary ★ Family man ★ Knows the best food and drinks in every spot in town ★ Crafts toys and trinkets ★ Gives great hugs

Weaknesses: ★ Married but if he wasn't would be 100% yours ★ Athleticism ★ Easily bribed Special Attacks: ★ Simping ★ Turning a blind eye when you ask him to ★ Calling you "baby" General Albert Burkhalter

Strengths: ★ High-ranking officer ★ Considers his wife the number one authority in Germany even over the Führer ★ Can get you into exclusive places ★ Probably Nimrod ★ Amusing burns Weaknesses: ★ Literally married but if he wasn't would say how much better off he'd be if he was. Ask him why, it's about a 50/50 if it'll be sweet or a little sexist. ★ Bit of a temper Special Attacks: ★ Being handsy ★ Making a Wednesday night feel like a Saturday night (and that's an order) Major Wolfgang Hochstetter

Strengths: ★ Influence ★ Enjoys dancing with you even if he's still learning ★ Won't let anyone push you around ★ Everyone else with brown eyes got the buff so he gets it too I guess. +1 Weaknesses: ★ A literal nazi ★ Loud ★ Kinda married to his job Special Attacks: ★ Stepping on your feet when you dance ★ Attempts a more awkward version of Klink's passionate lover act thinking he can do it better ★ WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE Colonel Rodney Crittendon

Strengths: ★ Eagerness ★ Gentlemanly ★ Rocks a stache ★ Will wrap his scarf around you when it gets cold ★ Makes you laugh Weaknesses: ★ Unbalanced charisma to intelligence stat ratio ★ Impulsive Special Attacks: ★ Judo (he takes 'special attack' literally) ★ Insists he's a legendary ballroom dancer and intends to prove it with you ★ Chivalry

[myyoungroyalsblog]

Please tell me I'm not the only one who lost it here💀

Like Wilhelm do you know how fast cars are?? You are such a simp I love you so much

[skibasyndrome]

Flash The Camera, You're A Star!

Simon is everywhere. He is everywhere and he fucking hates it. His own face in extreme closeup is being shown to him by classmates he’s barely even talked to before. Two of the baristas at his usual coffee spot have taken to giggling among themselves whenever they think he isn’t looking. Hell, even one of his professors looked like he was struggling to bite back a grin the other day when Simon spoke up in his seminar. And now, as if all that wasn’t enough, his own feed is mocking him by suggesting the video not once, not twice, but three times in the span of only 24 hours. When, during his internship at a local news station, Prince Wilhelm gets distracted by the most beautiful man he’s ever seen and ends up causing a viral meme, nobody’s less amused than the beautiful man in question. In fact, all that Simon wants is revenge. If that means he has to find the person responsible first, so be it. Or, the one where Wille is an even bigger simp than usual and Simon can’t quite stay mad at him

Read on AO3

(rated T, 10.1 k)

Michelle @pagegirlintraining and I teamed up to give the beautiful, stunning, amazing Jo @iwouldnevergetintofanfic a little birthday gift. We hope you enjoy it 💜

[sam15th3b35t]

My ranking of every Project: Eden’s Garden Character (Students only)

Now, just letting you guys know, I don’t hate any of these characters, in fact, my least favorite I just consider meh at best.

S Tier Characers

1. Eloise Taulner, the Ultimate Fencer (AKA, the one character in P:EG that I simp for.)

2. Wolfgang Akire, the Ultimate Lawyer

3. Eva Tsunaka, the Ultimate Mathlete

4. Diana Venicia, the Ultimate Cosmetologist

A Tier Characters

5. Toshiko Kayura, the Ultimate Matchmaker

6. Grace Madison, the Ultimate Golfer

7. Jean DeLamer, the Ultimate Ship Captain

B Tier Characters

8. Cassidy Amber, the Ultimate Pro Gamer

9. Kai Monteago, the Ultimate Influencer

10. Damon Maitsu, the Ultimate Debater

11. Desmond Hall, the Ultimate Marksman

12. Ingrid Grimwall, the Ultimate Blacksmith

13. Jett Dawson, the Ultimate Drag Racer

C Tier Characters

14. Ulysses Wilhelm, the Ultimate Historian

15. Mark Berskii, the Ultimate Music Producer

16. Wenona, the Ultimate Entrepreneur (Sorry Wenona, you fell off hard. You were great in the Prologue, but you really disappointed me in Chapter 1.)

That’s my ranking, what would y’all’s look like? Keep in mind, that this is just only my opinion. We’re not going to share the same rankings, and that’s okay.

[unfortunate17]

Simon is simping SO HARD, he’s DOWN HORRENDOUS the “Wilhelm fell harder” truthers are quaking

[justfriendsbestthings]

The urge to screenshot every simp tweet I come across and post it here titled wilhelm behaviour send help

Today:

Wilhelm behaviour

[justfriendsbestthings]

Wilhelm behaviour

just got diagnosed as your soulmate. yeah sorry now we must spend the rest of our lives together

[simsim54]

Simon, leaning on the counter: Hey beautiful, come here often? Wilhelm: Is this the part where I remind you we've been married for four years or do I play along? Simon: Play along! Wilhelm: Alright. Sorry, I'm not interested, I'm married

[dreamyelectronicmusic]

episode 1 reactions

they are boyfriends and they are so cute I can't

"Is this like what you dreamed" "No, it's better" Wille you simp

if the season ends with Wille actually getting the heart tattooed on his hand I'll straight up die

"they look at me like I'm a shitty person" "well you are a shitty person" = the moment August's stepdad spoke from all our hearts

Simon my love please talk to Wilhelm about what you're feeling

listen I don't love the queen but I don't want her to be sick, Wille has enough on his plate already

the students better not be angry at Wille about the article. Like the fucked up initiations are his fault.

[simonsapelsin]

Writers tag game

This is hard bc I haven't written in so long. Will I ever again, I don't know, but I do hope so. Thank you for tagging me @peakotp!

Five things you might find in a story of mine:

A small number of words

Jokes

Wilmon being cute

Simp Wilhelm

A handjob, once

Tagging @sillyunicorn @earlgrey-lateatnight @piebingo @stretchoutfics

[voidpremonition]

"Let Crisbell and Zas date togeher as wlw lesbians"

"Crisbell and Cristopher have really good chemistry and are very cute together"

Oh buddy, the solution is easier than you might think!:

They should start a polycule🌟🌈

LISTEN I’m very glad that Cris Tales didn’t go the “the main female lead and main male lead are in love” type of route… one bc the REAL main male lead is Wilhelm and he’s, like, a LOT older than Crisbell, and two it’s typically a very cheap way of creating romance and most of the time it feels so forced. HOWEVER!! Crisbell and Cristopher would be such a fucking power couple. Their ship name is literally just Cris like wtf that’s amazing. Also hard headed lovable jock falling head over heals for the passionate heart of gold oblivious girl??? My favorite trope, I’ll take 20

[spacemanxpaninis]

Who in Hogan’s Heroes is Most Likely to Be With an Alt Person?

Inspired by a chat in my discord 😌 enjoy HH fans and alt people, or if you’re me both 😆

MOST

Marya

Hogan

Carter

Helga

LeBeau

Klink

Kinch

Hilda

Newkirk

Schultz

Least

• We all know Marya would be all over you. Flirting with you immediately, teasing you and giving you both compliments and pet names. It becomes her personal mission to fluster you who look so unflappable and also just to put a smile on your face. You are more than your looks to her just as she is to you- you have such interesting stories to tell and her attention will be on you the entire time.

• Colonel Hogan is lowkey into everybody, I said what I said 🤷🏻‍♀️ your alt style is almost like a challenge to him. A danger. What can he say? He likes a little danger. Hopefully that style of yours comes with the teasing attitude he can’t help falling for. Hogan is happy to swap leather jackets with you or better yet you’ll forget yours so he can unzip his and drape it over you, not in any hurry to take his hands off.

• If anyone is to look at you with simple, whimsical curiosity, it’s one Mr. Andrew Carter. He’ll be open approaching you with questions even if they do come out bashful from the way you look at him, the rush he feels at your gaze. Carter hopes your rebellious streak lends to enjoying blowing things up, too, and he’s the most understanding person you’ll ever meet if you feel like you’re different because you know what? So does he.

• Our Miss Helga loves a bad boy/girl 😌 It gives her a rush just looking at you and thinking of all the places you could sweep her off to. How she could escape a dull life as a secretary for some unknown adventure and danger with you. No shame in some little fantasies as she works, she tells herself.

• Louis LeBeau? Our short king who will kill you? Simps for an alt person. You’ve got fire in you and he respects that. And sure, it turns him on a little too. He’s only human, after all! It warms his heart to see you putting spike collars on the guard dogs and being so sweet with them despite your intimidating looks. He probably teases you a lot but is very flirty, too. Comes up with some French nickname for you having a dark side even though you’re so nice!

• Sorry, but not sorry: Klink is turned on by the leather. The boots. The power you exude. The moment you enter Wilhelm Klink’s office and his life, he is a simp for you. He’s wrapped around your finger ready to give you whatever you want. Wine and dine of course and he may try to play you a little music- go easy on him! Or don’t. He won’t mind 🤷🏻‍♀️

• Not that they hurt, but looks aren’t everything to Kinch. He cares more about what’s inside and he respects that the way you dress is your personal expression. It does appeal to him how unique your expression is and he is actually the most willing to try out elements of your style. He just laughs and does voices as you dress him up, reveling a bit in being taken care of since he is such a natural caretaker himself.

• Hilda likes a bad boy/girl too, but she also has more desire for someone to settle down with. You’re attractive and a lot of fun, but she’ll definitely feel a bit of a desire to nail you down. Or maybe you two will simply end up fighting for who gets to pin who down…👀

• Newkirk, for all his antics, would feel a bit insecure in his masculinity around someone with a tough image. Especially when it comes to women, he likes the feminine look and someone he feels like he can have a little control over. Not that he’s fully toxic, but he definitely wants to be the dominant partner and be the one rakishly sweeping you off your feet, not the other way around! He’d need some convincing.

• Sweet Sergeant Schultz, quite frankly, is intimidated by you. Maybe even a little confused when he sees the way you dress and carry yourself. He might even ask why you’re dressed like that not realizing it isn’t for some role or purpose, you just enjoy it! Once he hears that and especially if you show him a sweet or flirty side (or both!), though, you will quickly have him forced to admit he’s attracted to you.

[mando-lore]

ETA Hoffman (author of The Nutcracker) changing his name from Wilhelm to Amadeus bc he liked Mozart so much - absolute simp. Understandable though.

[cicero-defacto]

You have a soft spot for Wilhelm, don’t you?

I wouldn't call it a soft spot. More like... *waves hand vaguely* pity? Pity that someone of his bloodline is so thoroughly useless. And is so much of a simp to sleep on a couch. *rolls their eyes* No, I did it for my own sake, even if it partly benefits him.