#so 100% my fault for taking so long and 0% yours

[unoriginalcontent]

Birth

[carbonfiction]

Hiraeth ; Part 1?

(A homesickness for a home or person to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past)

Summary: Sometimes Karl would have dreams, of a small girl with the prettiest smile and hair like strands of ambered gold. She'd play with smaller him in the dirt, dress covered in mud and dust like it didnt even matter to her. She was his best girl, his favorite, the daughter of a shepherd. The only one to give him the time of day and didnt judge him for being.. Well, Him.

He just wished he remembered her name or why he would dream of her.

A/N: Im not too sure where im going with this so please bare with me- also hi, not yet dead, just fell into a large pit of negative feeling. Take this WIP as my return? I guess?? Hopefully this makes sense and hopefully more to come! Lemme know what you think!

Also posted on AO3

Karl was dreaming again, snores slipping from his lips. It was part of the same dream he always seemed to have, of summer days and a childhood he could no longer truly recollect.

This time he'd run through long cleared mining caverns and the tall grass of fields, all weathers, all terrain, chasing gleeful laughter ahead of him. It was a distinctly feminine little laugh, flowy and light, carefree in only the way a child could be. He would play chase until his lungs burnt and his legs could no longer carry him, then and only then, would she appear.

She’d stand above his head peering down as he lay wherever his legs dropped him, head tilted with a smile full of mischief.

“Too slow again!, i told you i could run fast and you wouldn’t catch me, slowpoke” She’d tease him, tounge poking out her rosy lips, her small boot making gentle contact with his shoulder enough to jostle his body.

“Yeah, yeah, you got me. Not my fault your little magic boots beat mine, Karl-0 you-100” he’d tease back to her wheezing, finally sitting up but panting like a damn dog

She’d laugh again then as she smoothed out her dress, pretty and pale, and sat beside him in whatever dirt or trodden land they were in. “they aren’t magic boots silly, they are from the same cobbler who made yours! My daddy says im just quick on my feet, from helping chase the sheep probably.”

Karl would roll his eyes, huffing under his breath about her magic boots, sheep be damned.

She’d stay with him then, no care for his brooding or his loss of their game and talk. The two of them simply conversing and laughing and playing just about anything and everything, nonsense or otherwise, until a bellowed shout would come from the direction of the little village.

Then and only then would she leave him, bidding him a little wave and a shout as she bound off “night Karl! Same time tomorrow alright?”

Hed always watch her leave, belly sore from laughter and cheeks from the smile he’d find on his face. her hair bounced in its ribbon held ponytail, the back of her dress dirty from sitting and rolling on the ground.

Then, once she had left his sight, just as always, he’d wake. Leaving his little dreamland just as lost to himself as when he had begun having these dreams? Nightmares?

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

Okay, so I've decided to do Fic Rec Fridays at the end of the month now that I've been keeping a fanfic reading log. Guys. I've read A LOT of fic this month. 😅 Okay so I think the best thing is to organize this by rating and then word count. Please note that this is a pure reading log so I'm just listing fic, author, and small "what it's about".

For August I Read:

397,333 Words

20 Fics

17 Authors

Rating G:

AU-gust Mashups by @ahufflepuffhobbit- Short BOTFA fix-it with an ill-timed confession. Let's face it, this is how we all wanted to see BOTFA end.

Love Makes You Blind by thorinsbeard- Small little oneshot where Bilbo thinks Thorin is blind and can't stop staring. It had me rolling when Thorin told Bilbo he's an underwear model.

Mr Underhill's Finest Seafood Specialities by @nocompromise-noregrets- Oneshot from Frodo's POV as famous food critic, Thorin Oakeshield, arrives as his uncle's restaurant. All the interactions between the characters were fun as well as seeing Bagginshield through Frodo's eyes.

Teach Me Your Ways by airebellah- Multi-chapter story with refugee Thorin struggling through English, but he meets Bilbo who accepts him as he is. Honestly, super fluffy fic with lots of family moments that I really wish there was a sequel, but accept it as is.

Rating T:

Drawn by thorinsbeard- Oneshot where Bilbo stumbles upon some NSFW versions of himself in another cafe patron's sketchbook (in an uncreepy way). Will hope and anticipate a smutty sequel.

Prize Enough for Me by StrivingArtist- Two-shot with Bilbo chasing after Azog after believing he killed Thorin to enact his revenge. I'm always here for some BAMF Bilbo.

When Darkness Shines Brightest by @lordoftherazzles- Multi-chapter Hades/Persephone take. The introspection of Thorin's character blows me away in this fic.

Rating M:

How to Beat Gold Sickness by Epoxide- Cute oneshot where Fili and Kili decide that announcing that Bilbo is pregnant with Thorin's child will shake the gold sickness. Now I just need the sequel where Bilbo says that it's actually true.

Dating Blind by badskippy- Jealous waiter Thorin does sabotages Bilbo's blind dates. This was just perfect, and yes, Thorin does make up for it.

Sparks & Gardens by @fantasyinallforms- Down on his luck Thorin manages to get the best deal of his life when he becomes gentleman Bilbo Baggins handyman. Look, regency is normally not my taste, but this fic does such a good job of just making that the setting and not necessarily the theme (if that makes sense).

The Kitchen Thief by @mordellestories- Multi-chapter Tolkien AU (?) where Thorin still has dwarven blood but can get by with appearing as a human baker in a time where anyone else is treated with discrimination. I will forever be laughing at Bilbo's "oh no, it's the nutty baker" comment.

Stranded by @tickles-ivory- Multi-chapter AU where Thorin and Bilbo live in separate universes but find each other. Honestly, super cute concept and execution with fun "slice of life" chapters at the end.

My Love's a Noble Madness by silverneko9lives0- Bilbo works at an insane asylum where Thorin is a patient who thinks he's in love with him. Okay, I have to say that the tags on this had me scared for A LONG time, but there's actually 0 non-con after Thorin gets medicated and you find out the fucked up situation they find themselves in the beginning is all Azog/Sauron/Melkor's fault.

Rating E:

Look At You by thorinsbeard- Bilbo uses the ring to sneak into Thorin's room, accidentally witnessing the dwarf king masturbating. This fic is so hot and honestly another that I would 100% read a sequel for.

Evening Interlude by paranoid_fridge- Bilbo and Thorin have an evening to themselves for bondage fun. Seriously though, if you're wanting a fic with some heavy bondage kinks, this is the perfect fic.

If You Lend a King a Hand by Cranbear- Bilbo assists Thorin out in the woods, and they have come to an understanding regarding future engagements. Look, I just know this fic is going to checkmark some kinks for me and dom!Bilbo is just an added bonus.

Through the mist (I find you) by @consultingpacha- Thorin has developed amnesia after the events of BOTFA, and Bilbo returns to discover this as well as the fact that he's engaged. Guilty smut and angsty feelios galore (though we are promised a happy ending)!

Fuck Thy Neighbor by @lordoftherazzles- Thorin and Bilbo accidently got married in Bree after one drunken mistake and have now ended up as next door neighbors. This is the type of romcom shenanigans that I am 100% here for, featuring Roac tormenting Lobelia in this newest chapter!

Unrated:

the legend by Ineedtherapy (gethelp)- Bilbo thinks he's still banished and the Company thinks he's dead, and once this misunderstanding comes to light, Bilbo decides to travel with the returning caravan from Ered Luin. Bilbo probably dragged this out longer than necessary, but we're finally to the point where he reveals himself, and I need to know what happens next.

[strawberrystepmom]

ken i need advice 🙁

i’m almost 19 but i’m talking to a 25 year old. is that weird ? like he’s so nice and blah blah blah, but like IS THAT WEIRD ??? should i feel more cautious around him idkshdjdbsj

i’m too scared to ask my irls cause ik they’re gonna think it’s weird and tell me to stop it but i wanna ask you .

okay so….first of all thank you for asking and i hope i can provide something meaningful to you when i say that it’s less about age and more about life experience. the experience gap between a 19 year old and a 25 year old can be massive or it can be totally no big deal but my advice is to watch out for the following behaviors and take them as warning signs if they appear:

how does he discuss women his own age or older if he does? generally i’ve found a man going for a woman with a lot less life experience is doing it on purpose. this is not your fault nor is it a commentary on where you or any other 19 year old may have been when they met an older man that they liked. when i was 19 i had a situationship with a 32!!!!!!! year old that liked them younger bc he tended to think they were malleable. he was wrong 🙂

does he treat your age/life experience like it’s something to be demeaned or talked down about? this is usually an opening for a man that is not acting in good faith to try and mold you into how he perceives women should be.

is he ready to settle down/do you feel he’s steering you in that direction even if you aren’t ready? usually this happens very quickly and the relationship goes from 0 to 100 fast because he’s ready regardless of where you stand on it.

all in all though, he could just be a nice guy and there’s nothing inherently wrong with going on dates or talking to someone that is a bit older than you. this isn’t a 20 year age gap this is 6-ish years and may be something that becomes a nonissue in the long term depending on how things work out with y’all. my advice is to treat it like you would any other talking period but do NOT talk yourself out of red flags if you see them. take them to heart.

sending big big hugs 🩷

[girljeremystrong]

Ramble inbound, your tags made me think :) personally I love how cold rava can be towards ken. I really enjoy that aspect of her character, IMO it tells us everything we need to know about the progression of their relationship up to when we first meet them. I would think her coldness is a direct result of Kendall being an almost entirely absent father & husband for years upon years, one who makes no genuine effort to meaningfully reach out & connect to her or his kids, who instead tries to develop closeness by centering his life & asking her to play the role he envisions for her as Wife Of The Waystar Royco CEO. She clearly has underlying love for him, I do think she just can’t let go of her fondness for him, but he chooses work over family 100% of the time (always in the Kendall Roy: CEO Of Waystar mindset, and never the mindset of Kendall Roy: Husband And Father) and she’s just tired of fighting upstream with him. Cos let’s be honest Kenny is very stubborn and doesn’t take no for an answer when he’s decided what he wants. He has this pattern with his other flings too, that girl he whisked away from the play for example; the way he was always brushing off the consequences she’d face from jumping out of her life and into his, because he thinks he could patch it all up with his money and influence and it’d all be fine. As if the material cost is the problem and not his self centered relationship style. He doesn’t make an effort to truly invest in his partners’ personal lives/priorities/interests outside of the context of the Roy familial corporate structure, because that’s the only environment in which he has any practice connecting with people. He has 0 normal family experience to draw on so he really can’t leave the Roy headspace and connect with his family as a human person. Obviously it’s Logan’s fault that ken has a hard time fostering stable relationships outside of the context of the corporate world, as business IS love to Logan. I think this is why his closest relationships are with people already in the belly of the corporate world (stewi, naomi), and why he doesn’t really Get why she doesn’t want to be with him even if he becomes The Man. This is one of many ways he’s inherited Logan’s worldview. He treats his family much less abrasively than his father (at least until the end when he goes Full Loge and aggressively threatens to sever custody in an attempt to keep his life from crumbling), but even accounting for the extra kindness it’s still the same fundamental way Logan treated his family; narcissistically. Poison drips through innit. So TLDR I think rava’s coldness is justified, from the perspective of a long-embittered ex wife, left to be their children’s sole parent while their father focused exclusively on his work life and the enmeshed family relationships within. Ok that’s all my thoughts hope you enjoy. ^_^

wow this is very eloquent and very well said. fundamentally i agree with everything you said (and you said it very well) especially the point you made about him being way too immersed in the corporate world and being too focused on his role as the man at the top and it's true that he's treated rava like crap and he's been a horrible father BUT consider this: i love him!!!!!

he's my sopping little wet rat who grew up in a very unstable environment with a man who was borderline abusive to him and his siblings while at the same time being promised he was gonna be just like him when he grew up only to be disappointed and castigated time and time again and of course it's on him to learn and grow and be a better man and father than logan but at the same time he was made to think that he had to be this strong cynical unaffected man so that he could be like his father from his childhood and that's difficult!!!! and once more he's a fictional character and i love him!!!!!

of course rava is allowed to be cold and tough towards him and i understand she must have been let down so so many times and she must be so worried about their kids but so many times he went to her for some assurance and she's just always been so stern!!!! i wish my boy could have heard a "good job" from a person he clearly still values in his life

[transfemlogan]

i read your rants from last night and it’s got me thinking of that Character Desert effect I used to think of SaSi as. And how shit like demonizing a character comes because of its small cast. And honestly, it’s not even that the cast is small. 7 main characters (9 if you throw in Picani and Remy/Sleep, 8 if you take out Thomas as most do) is a decent selection! The issue is less that and more jist. The ratio of protagonists to antagonists. Because that’s a whopping 7:0 since the antagonist of SaSi is Social Situations Gone Wrong. There’s also the fact there’s only really three side characters (Lee, Mary Lee, and Nico. Once again you can fluff it up a bit if you add Cartoon Therapy but the fact people fluff it with CT is kind of a sign of the “problem”) and all of those side characters also kind of suffer from the same issue Thomas does which leads to him being omitted, they’re all full people. They’re not facets like the Sides, there’s no side characters that exist on the same plane as the Sides (why do CT characters not get this treatment? Probably because they’re pulled out in AUs where the sides are no longer facets. Why does Thomas not get the same treatment? I Don’t Know.) and there never will be because if anyone is existing on their plane that ratio turns into 8:0. ANYWAY I feel like I’ve gotten off track so Uh. Here’s the my hypothesis. Demonizing of characters seems happen because there’s no one good to demonize. There’s no villain or shitty side character (or even a NEUTRAL side character). When people want to create a work with a shitty character doing shitty things, they’ve got limited options. Either throw a name down and say That’s Them or demonize/antagonize a character. And then tk take it one step further, when choosing which character to demonize/antagonize theres a couple routes it can go. You choose based on which character is this antagonist is supposed to be shitty to (ex. When giving Virgil a bitch of an ex boyfriend, most would be inclined to pick Janus or Remus because of the whole Dark Sides connection in canon), you pick based on the type of shitty actions the shitty character is doing (ex. You want a judgmental jock bully? Roman can fit!), or you just. Plain pick who you don’t fucking like. (ex. Unsympth vs Sympth Deceit may that discourse rest in fucking hell I hated both sides) And just to. Cherry on top it. All of that demonizing and antagonizing will slowly bleed into people’s canon thoughts, because in this fandom fanon reigns supreme (and I personally think that’s not Inherently the fandom’s fault, the long ass hiatuses and inconsistent characterization in canon lends itself well to it) So sorry if this made. No sense. I woke up and scrolled my dash for a bit and then spent an hour rambling in your ask box so. Sorry.

NO UR 100% RIGHT. its a big mixture of like. a Million Things.

being able to infantalise anxiety but not infantalise lying or intrusive thoughts. needing an antagonist because otherwise the story is much Deeper than it started out 2 be / thought 2 be. assuming mistakes = being evil. A small cast. Fanon VS canon. the poor writing & choices made throughout sasi. the target audience being children but the story has complex ideas. long stretches of time inbetween episodes.

[the-log-ffl]

S10:W7

From the desk of DISCIPLINE = FREEDOM

This message has been approved by the commissioner of the League of Ordinary Gentlemen.

     “Log, let me get straight to the point. Yes, I was extremely proud of the Mish write-up in S10:W5. It’s amazing to watch one of our fellow league members succeed, especially when it’s the Commissioner/Founding member himself. Seeing that makes me genuinely happy. In fact, it almost feels like he has fully embraced the spirit and energy of my team name. “Do 10 pushups you pussy, pass on the bread fag, jump in some cold water you little bitch, smoke less you degenerate, run a mile you lazy ass, walk to the beach and leave the phone behind, tell the kids you love them and you will kill anyone who ever tries to hurt them and get the wife some god damn flowers for no reason at all. Simple…” Hard to fault the man, I’m pretty sure Jocko was onto something. Discipline, does in fact, Equal Freedom. But alas, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I was feeling a little jealous. This Bird Turd of an Ordinary Gentleman starts the year with a 6-0 record, while here I am, sitting at 1-5. I did spend the better part of last Sunday feeling sorry for myself—1-5 is not something I’m used to. That kind of record seems more fitting for someone like Romancer. I definitely needed to do some soul-searching. Even with a 60-40 shot on Monday night last week against Peety, I knew something was off and that I wasn’t going to win. The commissioner was right—I’m not living up to my name, and if I want to get back on track, things are going to have to change. S10:W6 - “Let’s see if Discipline can shake things up on his end and swing the fantasy gods in his favor in week 7, he’ll need a hell of a sacrifice though, don’t look up, the Turds are peaking!” A sacrifice is indeed needed. To be honest, I have a long way to go, and when you’re as big as I am, it takes time to build momentum. I’ve been working quietly in the background. Seeing the commissioner’s post was inspiring. As of this morning, I’ve hit a 63-day streak on my diet. I’ve also been gradually adding some walking and light bodyweight training. I’m down 45 pounds from the 475 pounds I weighed at the draft. To keep building momentum, I need to add some more movement as a commitment. It seems like the commissioner has found success with the cold plunge, so I’ve decided to incorporate an additional beach walk followed by an ocean cold plunge at least five days a week moving forward. I make this sacrifice in the name of Jacko, the LOG, and the fantasy Gods.”

Hard to argue with those results my man. The LOG is with you and we hope we can be a support system for you in your journey towards FREEDOM! Keep up the good work!

Week 8 Predictions:

Turds over the Stinkier Dick 128-96

DISCIPLINE over Papi G’s 119-117

Monster Piece of Shit over Dead Spirit 99- 87 

Sluts fuck Redfield 122 -113  

ODBJ over Nugs 101-90

Week 7 Results (3-2) (10-5 Overall)  

TURDS shit on DISCIPLINE 101-96

SORDIDUS dirties up ODBJ 110-100

SLUTS fuck SPIRIT 112-85 127-69

GRINGOS burn down the minority owned HOTEL 122-99 163-98

NUGS teabag the ODJB  115-89 105-83

Kick back with a microdose boys, a heavy microdose.

LOG 4 life!

~mish

LOG WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Shawn House has the BIG DICK OF THE WEEK: 142 Points

Ethan App has the small dick of the week: 48 Points

Shawn House has THE THROBBER - 190.64 (S9:W3)

Ethan App has an even STINKIER DICK - 48.14 Points (S10:W7)

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 1 - Wrap Up

It's Week One - RELAX

That's what I am telling myself...there are so many weeks left in the season - we just got started...it's week 1, so just relax and remember how long the season is. I am sure if I had won I would be singing a different tune and I am man enough to admit that. Basically I just want everyone to stay engaged and don't give up after week 1, so much can happen. Also if this weeks wrap up seems a bit scattered compared to years past - It's not that I don't care I just had a busy day and had to put this together quickly. But, here we go!

WHAM BAM THANK YOU LAMB vs MOOSES ON THE LOOSES

Guys...I know you are all worried about me...and yes, my mind is blown that I lost in week 1 but it was all my fault. I did this. I don't expect people to be paying attention to what I did - but I owe it to you to explain....I had Tee Higgins set at WR's and all my backups played earlier in the week so when Higgins went Inactive - I had to figure something out. I figured everyone was going to be playing their top QB so I would quietly drop Baker Mayfield and pick him back up later in the week...well, that didn't work. Mitch grabbed him and played him against me and of course Baker put up 37 fantasy points. Mitch also had a great week from Chargers D, Stevenson and Bass...so even with a normal QB performance he probably would have won but, I have to admit to my failures! Rookie Week 1 mistake...it won't happen again. Congrats Mitch!

HOWARD vs LONG LEFT BALLERS

Once a champion, always a champion. Rob Howard coming off of his epic season last year comes out hot in week 1. Even with his WR being detained (Tyreek Hill) he didn't let if phase him and put up 24. Meanwhile Bebo had glimpses of hope with AJ Brown and Cupp but devastating performances from Burrow, White and Travis Swift - I mean Kelce. Guys, I just don't know what to do if Howard wins a 5th championship...can we all come together and stop the steal? Let's GO!

TREE HUGGERS vs TRADE WITH ME

Hey, I've seen this one before...#1 draft pick guy, picks the best RB in the world (CMC) but the RB doesn't play in week 1 due to injury but it doesn't matter cause he still wins with 131 points without the star of the league even playing. And who loses you ask? The guy who didn't bother to come to the draft at all. The guy who put up the least points of the week. So Brett takes the 1st high point win of the year ($20). Congrats!

LANAKILA vs MR AWESOME

Well, actually...not awesome. Mr Awesome by name alone sets the standard pretty high...and don't get me wrong he scored more points than I did in week 1 and I had an A+ draft rating...but when your defense (Bears) is the highest score you have you are going to lose. Now, Cliff on the other hand came to play! Starting Anthony Richardson and watching him put up 30 points was brilliant. Having Barkley go off to show he loves his new home in Philly was something to watch. 17 points from a kicker (Fairbaim)...now that's Awesome. Sorry Gabe...there is always next week...congrats to Cliff on a great week.

BOOMER SOONER vs TUA NACUA MATATA

It was so good to have Kyle at the draft this year. When you all left - he picked his new name - which was an epic choice of a name Tua Nacua Matata...great name. He said to me "I don't see how I lose this year with this team"...well he lost in week 1 to Stu Jones. He also lost Puka Nacua for at least 4 weeks and let's be honest - will he ever really be the same after an injury like that? So, good job to Stu for putting up less than 100 points and grabbing a win, but what will become of Kyle. Will he need to change his name again? Tune in to find out. Congrats to Stu Jones...1-0.

FUNK GUY vs TuPADRE

I'm so confused. Gully against Dana in the "it's close battle". Gully with Aiyuk still to play on MNF - but Aiyuk doesn't do anything to make it interesting? I thought he got a big $ contract and was going to be the man? Dana had a huge start to the weekend when Lamar put up 32 points. He had 2 solid performances from him RB's...oh and his Defense I thought was going to get the 10 point bonus for a shut out....so hear me out...he did great. But, I just thought from the draft that Gullahorn was going to be a threat this year...I guess not. Is he the new Mitch? Is he who I make fun of all year? If he wins next week I will pull back if he loses to Bebo I will have no choice but to ramp it up. It's in your court Gully. Nice win Dana.

SURVIVOR

What a week...all of you (except me, stu and Gabe) are out! Bengals disaster. What a year! I might just win this thing!

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

This year we are going to honor the cheerleaders of the Dallas Cowboys. No backstory...no names just a tribute to what the Dallas Cowboys have given to us by setting a very high standard of excellence. I think it's the best idea since Minka Kelly.

[revengeofthelobotomyladies]

In England there's a theory test app, half the test is multiple choice on road safety/rules/signs etc and half on hazard perception

It's pretty easy to get a theory tests and you have up to 2 years after passing to get your license before you have to take it so most get it done straight away

The DVLA reckon it takes an average of 45 hours of practice with an instructor (at anywhere between £30-40 an hour) and 22 hours of private practice in your own car to pass with an average 48% pass rate (so technically you can be taught by a random but it's not reccomended lol)

It's near impossible to get a test for at least 7 months in the future (bc of covid and bots) so if you manage to get an official one it'll cost £62, otherwise you need to get a cancellation which can cost upwards of £120

Then your actual test is like 40+ minutes, 20 of independent driving (either using sat nav or road signs, they say on the day) and 20 minutes of instructed driving which involves pulling up on the left & setting off safely at least 6 times and then one of the 4 main manoeuvers (reverse into a bay/drive into a bay/parallel park or pull up on the right & reverse for 2 car lengths) but they can also ask you to do an emergency stop or a hill start on top of that

also 2 "show me, tell me" questions about general car things like how to check the tyre pressure, clean the front windscreen etc

Plus they have hundreds to test routes and it's randomised so you could end up with really good conditions and a great route or shitty conditions and a shitty route which balls you up

You're allowed 0 serious faults and up to 15 minor faults but you fail if you get more than 3 of the same fault, you can fail for all sorts like not driving in a bus lane when it's open etc (a lot is ridiculous stuff that normal drivers do)

Then insurance premiums are sky high when you pass and a lot won't insure you or want millions depending on the type of car

Plus you're very restricted in some senses lile you need separate tests for basically every type of vehicle now and if you learn automatic you have to do the test again if you wanna drive manual etc

so it's definitely not encouraging 😂

So I agree with the anon that says it's about time and money, thats definitely a major problem but they definitely do discourage you by making it so difficult to learn and pass, at least here they do idk about the rest of europe

(It's really interesting to see those videos where seasoned drivers try a modern driving test because they nearly always fail lol)

I would 100% fail there lmao

Here you can get your learners permit by studying on your own or in class. I got mine in high school at age 15 but I think you can attempt the test as early as age 14. You have to get 80% on the learners written test to obtain a learners license. Then you do the 6 (or more I don’t remember, I got my learners 15 years ago🫣) drives with the driver trainer. They give you a little card saying you’ve completed training and you present that when you go for the final road test. If you’re in high school you have to wait until you’re 16 to try, I can’t remember if there’s a wait time if you’re an adult. You’re supposed to be going on practice drives with a licensed driver in this time.

I had a horrible driver trainer who would scream at me and she really scared me out of driving and also no one had the time or energy to practice with me. So, I sat on my learners for 10 years before I went for my road test. It was kind of embarrassing because my training card was dated from like 2010 or something but it was still good I guess. You can practice as long as you need to. I pretty much just taught myself to drive. 😬

It only costs $55 dollars to go for the road test and there is a cancellation fee. If you fail you have to wait a little while before you can try again. It used to be even cheaper a few years ago at $22. Absolutely crazy.

Once you pass there are restrictions for about two years. If you have no incidents in the two years you’re good to go.

I think I’m a good driver compared to a lot of people here. Like it’s really bad here. But the province is like YOLO I guess… 😅😳

[imjustabeanie]

Hello there! I'm here for my half of our Matchup Trade! I'd like to request a character from Hazbin Hotel please! The only character I'd like not to be matched with is Angel, on account of him being gay and me being a woman.

Thank you for doing this, and please don't hesitate to reach out if you need any further information or have questions!

----

BASICS:

Name: Mochi

Gender: Female (she/her)

Sexuality: Pansexual (any gender is fine)

PERSONALITY:

MBTI: INFP

Enngram: 9 dominant

House: Slytherin

Zodiac: Libra sun, Libra moon, Leo rising

Love Languages: Quality time, physical touch, to a lesser extent gift giving

Hobbies: Writing, Drawing, listening to music, playing video games, daydreaming, debate

General: Introverted and quiet, I usually don't say too much unless I'm passionate about something (in which case good luck getting me to shut up about it) or am directly addressed. Despite being quiet, I'm actually very friendly and bubbly. I'm not really shy, though I am guarded and put up an overly cheerful front when I'm not with people I trust.

It's important to me to make people feel welcome and seen. I'm super non-judgemental and open minded about most things, and I'm a good listener which I'm told makes me easy to be around. Though I'm mature and can give good advice, I can be cowardly and tell people what they want to hear instead unless prompted. Getting my real thoughts and feelings out always takes a bit of prompting, actually... I'm working on being more honest, though. Self reflection and self improvement is super important to me and I'm always trying to be a better person.

I AM an introvert and can be easily overwhelmed in large crowds or in loud places -- especially with my anxiety. New people wear me out quickly. That being said, I absolutely cannot get enough of my loved ones and I can be a little clingy without meaning to be.

Though I'm chill most of the time, and pretty even tempered and level headed, I suffer from mental health issues that make me moody and volatile at times. I work hard not to take it out on others, but mood swings are noticeable.

I'm neutral and passive right up until I'm not. If someone hits the wrong button I'll go from 0 to 100 real quick. I'm not an aggressive person like, ever, but I will go full sassy debate mode. I don't have a lot of hills but I'll die bloodied and battered on the ones I do stand on.

I'm always trying to see the best in others, and I'm stupid loyal - to the point that it's a fault. Sometimes this gets me used or manipulated. I'm extremely gullible and can be pretty naive. It's too hard for me not to be a bit of an optimist.

APPEARANCE:

General: I'm about 5'4 and pretty chubby-- which is chill by me. I have shoulder length dark brown hair, brown eyes with long lashes (probably my best feature), olive skin.

Distinguishing Marks: I have roughly 7 tattoos, mostly pretty small, and I think 7 piercings between my ears and face.

Style: I primarily dress lazily in all sweats or camis and leggings, but when I feel fancy I'll either go full girly with pink, ruffles, bows and skirts, or full alt with dark graphic tees and a jean jacket or smth. I seldom wear makeup but when I do it's dark and heavy on the eyeliner, light on the lips.

I think the hardest was writing with literally 31 webttore on my screen. They kept hidding the save button!

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this matchup!

Your hazbin hotel match is....Charlie!

Not gonna lie, Vaggie was considered but then Charlie won. Reason why Charlie is would start a conversation more easily than Vaggie. It would be better for an introverted person because she can make you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. When you did she actually was so happy! She highly encourages you to be this bubbly but understands that you don’t feel comfortable to do so. On the other hand, she actually feels comfortable enough with you to talk about all her problems. It’s later on that she confesses (I don’t know why I see it as a planned confession that somehow went sideways lmao). You’re similar to her but tamer if we can say so you two understand each other rather well.

You’re like two peas in a pod. She feels you and you feel her. It can get overbearing for those around you because you fuel Charlie personality but it’s so cute that they can’t say anything. She’s the type of girlfriend that fully trust her partner and believes they can’t really do anything wrong. She’s big on honesty, you opening up to her is very important in her eyes. I do not believe you two would argue about things or any issues because communication is key.

Charlie loves spending time with you. Every night you two cuddle in your room and talk about your day. She relays all her troubles and drinks up your advices like water. She doesn’t realize at first that you sugar coat come things but when she does she’ll softly take you in her arms and explain that it hurts her when you’re not fully honest with her. If anyone judges you or get angry at you for speaking your mind she’ll personally deal with them. She likes how you’re always working on improving yourself and helps you reach your goals. She’s also in the same mentality. The two of you always bring out the best in each other and that’s why the dynamic works so well.

Charlie is a big extrovert. She always wants you to be by her side but understands if you get worn out easily. She’ll never put you under the spotlight since you don’t want it and does her best to keep you safe from the journalists and paparazzi (I am sure some are interested in her new relationship and would try to dig out things about you). If it doesn’t work she’ll put her foot down and sternly tell everyone to fuck off.

Charlie is very understanding. When you get moody she’ll try to know why and won’t take it personally when you lash out. She doesn’t really know personal boundaries and tend to overstep. High chance that Rosie will calmly guide her to do better (she’s her couple therapist for real lol). She goes to learn more about your mental issues and does her bast to make you feel comfortable and make you forget about them. She’s patient and will ask you about your wrong buttons to not upset you. She defends you but will still help you calm down when she feels you getting all worked up. She loves you, you’re the apple of her eyes and always make her day shine so that’s the most important.

Charlie loves pda. You’re clingy, she’s clingy, you two are the lovey dovey couple. Her love language is words and acts of service. Since you love writing and drawing she’ll actually reserve a room for your hobbies. And she’ll actually partake in them too! If you draw her she’ll be over the moon and all heaven and hell will know about it. A rare scenery at the hotel is you laying your head on her laps and daydreaming and her, thinking about her plans/rambling. Speaking of rambling you’ll actually see hearts in her eyes when you get passionate about something and start talking. She’s very attentive and will interject with questions. I believe video games aren’t her things but introduce her to sims like games and she’s gone…she likes management games.

Charlie isn’t as gullible as she seems, she’s pretty sharp and if she feels like someone is trying to play you she’ll sternly scold them. It helps because when you rant to her she points out who’s being dishonest. If someone actually wronged you they’ll see an angry princess of hell, not Charlie, at their door.

Charlie definitely had an era with piercings. I can see her with a nose or eyebrow piercing. With you there’s a high chance she gets one and later on she gets a tattoo with you. She likes tracing your piercings/tattoos when you’re snuggling.

[shareaus]

Ah, so this is what the anon was talking about (I am fully assuming that the person who tagged me is the anon). I actually have a vague memory of writing that.

I have to admit, I am a little bit entertained by people taking my overblown dramatics so seriously but obviously, they have no way to know that it's overblown dramatics. That's the nature of the internet, I suppose. I have 0 hopes of changing anyone's mind or this screenshot ever disappearing, I wasn't born yesterday.

Now in all seriousness though:

I stand by the opinion that if you can't cross the road quickly you shouldn't be crossing main communications outside of designated spots. Honestly, you shouldn't be doing so even if you can do it quickly, we have laws about that. They might often be inconvenient but they are there for everyone's safety. I can't go through a town at 100 miles an hour, pedestrians should not be jumping under my wheels or blocking the road.

I hate people jaywalking on busy roads even as a pedestrian because it is not safe. Even if the car's going at the speed limit or under, we are not gods and if someone rushes out we might not be able to break fast enough. Some people exercise good judgment, most people just think "they'll break." I'll certainly try to break, I don't want to kill a pedestrian, myself or anyone in my car, but if something makes me break too hard, there's a very good chance that I, the car behind me, or the car behind them, etc. will not have the time to break in time. Or the breaking distance will be too long.

Besides, if none of that happens, there's always a chance some dickface in "great hurry" might decide to overtake four cars that "stopped for no reason" and will slam either into you or face-first into a car going the other way.

They teach us in driving schools that we are legally obliged to behave on a road in a way that doesn't endanger or restrict other people on the road and I genuinely think that should be taught to everyone not just drivers. If I run you over, regardless of whether it's my fault or not, it is still me who will have your life on my conscience because even if there were to be nothing I could conceivably have done better or safer (something you may intellectually know but might never make yourself believe) I will still have been the one driving. Even if nothing happens to you, the car behind me might run into me and they might die. Or they might push me into you anyway. I am still at fault then, because breaking suddenly and hard is dangerous.

My driving instructor used to tell us that 'the right of way' is a fun and interesting concept that we have to give but can never be sure if it will be given to us. The lawbook and traffic signs are one thing, but it matters very little whether you legally had the right of way or not when someone (possibly you) is leaving in an ambulance or a casket. Be safe, predict the unpredictable, err on the side of caution and never assume the other person is not about to do something stupid.

As for the ableism bit of this whole debacle: I do not care if you're disabled or not - a conclusion to which I arrived about halfway through writing the original tags. If you're walking slowly on a crossroad, fine. While mildly annoying if I can't see why, it is a crossroad, it is there for your use and there may be a million and one reasons for your slow pace. It doesn't matter, I've already stopped.

If you're jaywalking and doing it slowly, I also don't care whether you're disabled or not. It is dangerous for everyone, it makes you dangerous and in danger. It makes no difference to me whether you're disabled, old or just a dick, I don't see into your mind nor do I need to. You are an obstacle on the road that I cannot foresee and I will be annoyed every single time.

I freely admit that the way the original tags are phrased is not nice. The sentiment behind them is not true, or at least not true to the extent they indicate. You can take my word for it, you're free not to.

That's my statement to all of this. If someone wishes to still be angry about it, about cars in general, about the way I phrased things, about the terrible human being that I am or a million other things that I did not read in the reblogs, they're welcome to it.

Tl;dr: the og tags were needlessly aggressive, i am not looking to run someone over but some of y'all are not behaving safely on the road. Roads are, alas, for cars, and only ever as safe as the worst road traffic participant around.

At the end, op @aropride (seems to be un-taggable, or at least their blog doesn't come up), do you not think it is a dick move to screenshot someone's tags, include their name and post them without tagging the person? I am not owed your benefit of the doubt and you are not owed an explanation but this is nothing but plain gossip and mud-slinging about a person you don't know nor care about. Kindly find a scapegoat in someone with more relevance than I.

does getting behind the wheel of a car give this type of person the magical ability to know whether or not someone has a disability

[gorgeouslypink]

A lot of you are sabatoging yourselves in your void journey and it's time to take responsibility. I'm going to break it down into different ways you're sabatoging yourself and what you need to do to stop but the first step is to accept that. The truth is if you haven't entered the void, you sabatoged yourself into not entering it. It is your fault. You're sabatoging yourself.

Using void methods that are incompatible with you.

I had someone send me an ask about how they were using a subliminal to wake up in the void but they didn't really believe in subliminals. Sighs. Guys, if you don't even believe in subliminals, why are you sabatoging yourself by using a subliminal to enter the void? Obviously, it's not going to work.

Both the methods I shared in my post require a lot of patience and persistence. It's not going to be ideal/compatible for everyone. If you're sending me asks about how you fall asleep while trying my methods or your house is too loud for you to meditate, did it ever occur to you that maybe my methods just aren't compatible with you and you should try a different method? If you're using a method that is clearly not compatible with you, you're just sabatoging yourself and that's the truth.

There are so many methods to enter the void. Take some time to really think about yourself. These are the two main concerns: compatibility and belief. The only person who knows you the best is you. Which methods are acctually compatible with you? Do you believe that method acctually works?

Also guys, there are methods in theory that might work but aren't compatible with you in reality. I have been meditating since forever so I naturally chose methods that utilized meditating. In theory, meditating with alpha waves works for me but I never did enter with that, despite getting close. The thing that worked was using another method that utilized meditating. Why I'm mentioning this is if something hasn't been working for you, even if logically it makes sense that it should work, it might not be compatible for you and you might want to switch it up. But obviously I don't know the situation and this is something you have to decide on your own.

0% effort

The number of asks I get saying they believe in the void but just don't have the motivation to try and to give them motivation. If you're read my success story, you know I went through a period of time like this. It's time for the cold, hard truth. You're not lacking motivation, you're just a lazy bum.

You literally hold the method that can allow you to manifest instantly anything you desire. What do you mean "I need motivation"? If you really need motivation to get your desire, you don't really want it. Be real with yourself, stop wasting your time reading about the void, and get a new hobby.

But for real, how do you not see you're sabatoging yourself? Instead of asking blogs for motivation (which is never going to help because the 100+ other motivational posts on tumblr didn't work for you so why would this particular one) do this instead.

Think about how long you've known about the void. And how many times have you attempted? And what have you been doing in the meantime? Are you proud of yourself? Think about the desires that would have already came into fruition if you weren't so lazy. Think about the state of your desires because you decided to be lazy. For example, if you're manifesting your desired face, go stare in the mirror. That face you're seeing could have been your desired but it's not. And you know whose fault that is? It's yours. Do this with every single desire. Tell yourself the truth. You're sabatoging yourself and you have no one else to blame except for you.

50% effort.

This is for the type of asks that tell me "I affirmed for 20 minutes and felt symptoms but didn't get in. What am I doing wrong? " Love, you felt symptoms and stopped. You stopped halfway. This is like getting a double sided test, finishing the front and stopping, and then wondering why you failed the test. How do you not see the reason you didn't get in is because you sabatoged yourself by stopping halfway?

This doesn't just apply to meditating methods by the way. Any method. If you're only seeing it half way through, you're not going to enter. Stop sabatoging yourself and see the method through fully.

Letting failure define you.

If you let failure define you, you're going to be a failure forever. I get it. It sucks. You affirmed that the void was easy for a month, you did the 10k challenge, etc but you failed to enter and you feel like trash. But you can't let that define you. You need to move on.

Revise it. If you don't want to revise, assess what went wrong and what you can do next. Stop letting failure define you because you're just sabatoging yourself if you do so. Think about why you failed and how to stop failing. Don't scroll on tumblr waiting for a magical post to tell you. Sit down and think about it on your own. You either use your failed void attempt to help you enter the void or you stay a failure. Your choice.

Expecting your void experience to take exactly as long as someone else's.

Just because someone entered the void in 15 minutes doesn't mean you're going to too. You might enter it even less or it might take you 2 hours. But some of you refuse to accept that, affirm for the void for 15 minutes, give up, and complain.

I genuinely wish I hadn't written how long it took me to enter the void because of these type of people. There's a reason the youtube channel that released the video I used ended up releasing a 3 hour long version. Some people take even longer than an hour to enter sleep paralysis. It's different for every person. Stop sabatoging yourself by thinking it'll take you the same time someone else did!

Closing thoughts

Sorry this is so long 😭 and double sorry if you read this and this didn't even apply to you 😅. I know some of you are genuinely progressing along your void journey and this was not meant for you. However, if this does apply to you, please don't just like this and then continue sabatoging yourself. Take some time to really think about yourself and your void journey. The only person who's sabatoging you is you and the only person who can help you is you. I believe in you ❤

[bearseulgs]

Ni-ki as your boyfriend

gn!reader x ni-ki

genre: fluff ft teensy weensy bit of angst

wc: 688

warnings: kith ^3^, arguing (just a lil mention), pet names, let me know if there's anything else!!

okay first off: mans a total simp

sorry i don't make the rules ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

you'll do a lil dancey dance or recommend smth when listening to the demo of their new song and he'll be like

"yup yup lemme notify the members and manager and producer and choreographer immediately"

u praise him for his charm during one of his parts and he MELTS

you're his life sa vie su vida those are all the languages i know life in sorry

whipped behavior LLLL

ngl i feel like he loves laps. like. idk

like he'll be gaming and you want attention so you just lay your head in his lap and he'll stroke your hair from time to time

or he'll get lunch and come back and there's no seats at the table so as a joke you're like "come here babygirl" while patting your lap and he just

plops down. like he will sit on your lap no hesitation (ma princesse 😔🫶)

Kimmie brought up that he's the type to like matchy matchy things and i 100% agree!!!!

like say he finally finished up his tour and (if you were able to go) he got y'all matching keychains from the city you saw him in

if you couldn't see them he got keychains from one of his favs

or y'all will go to the arcade and get cute matching plushies that you won each other

or making matching earrings with supplies you bought together

i am having so many thoughts

i also think he's the type to film lil tiktok dancey dances with you (AHHH 💞💞)

or if he's got a chill day at work he invites you over for a mini dance party in the practice room

y'all probs have a collaborative playlist of 💖your songs💖 on spotify

he also has a separate playlist of songs that remind him of you

he seems the type to love baking dates but i also would not trust him in the kitchen so let's hope you're a good cook :0

everyone talks about this but rightfully so: nap dates

i want i need pls

good luck being productive within a 2 mile radius of his dorm because he will drag you back to nap with him <3

i am also a firm believer in him lending you his jackets and/or vice versa

doesn't matter if you're taller or shorter, stockier or scrawnier, or same size, jackets will be exchanged

it's just y'all's thing

imagine wearing his green leather jacket to a comeback showcase 😩

taking his phone when he's busy to play on it

he knows you took it because when he gets back his ranking is different (whether for the better or the worse) but he doesn't mind because he loves you <3

laser tag 🫢 like let's say y'all's friends go out for laser tagging one weekend and you do that thing mid game where y'all get all up close and personal and one of y'all kisses the other to distract them then shoots the kissee and walks away AHHH

now that gas prices are going down y'all go on little adventure drives to neat spots around town

what if y'all find a cute lil hidden spot and it becomes like Your Spot 🥺

him having theee most unflattering pic ever of you for your contact then a cute lil name like "my baby 💝" or smth i would cry

anyways now onto the part nobody wants 😔

arguments

i feel like he'd try to avoid serious arguments, of course having some playful bantering, but never taking it too far

but sometimes they're unavoidable

he seems the type to get kinda intense during arguments, and he can be pretty intimidating so i wouldn't blame his partner for getting lowkey scared 😭 but it's not entirely his fault :(

i hope you ain't petty because i don't doubt that he is, so if y'all both are it could be 4ever before things get resolved

but eventually one of y'all is gonna cave because you love each other or whateva 🤢 (jk i love love)

anyways this is getting kinda long so Riki best boy‼️‼️ whoever gets him please treat him well 🥺

a/n: u guys i am so whipped for this boy 💔

©️ bearseulgs 2022

[teatitty]

So sorry for the mess I'm about to make here but I love this so much I had to fangirl out and mention my favourite things from every panel/page because OOOUUUUU YOU DID THEM SO WELL!!! THE AUTISTIC VIBES OF IT ALL LETS GO!!!

Page 1: Immediately nailed the "sopping wet and pathetic" look no notes this is perfect. That beat of long silence before Dandy turns to go "this is your fault" god they're so married already

Page 2: Dandelion's big poofy hair in the top right panel. Creature I love him. GESTURING WITH HIS WET HAT! I'VE DONE THAT! HIS GASP OF OFFENSE AND THE RESULTING TIRADE! I COULD HEAR HIM SO WELL

Page 3: Energy going from 100 to 0 in seconds... been there so many times. Most autistic experience ever. And Geralt switching to caretaker mode... yeah. Yeah. The poses and expressions in the last panel are soooo Emperor's New Groove or Road to El Dorado to me. Biggest compliment I can give

Page 4: THE HAT PLOPPING INTO A PUDDLE IS SO SAAAAAAAD THE TEARS IN HIS EYES THE SILENCE AS THEY WATCH IT HAPPEN AUUUUGHHHH

Page 5: Dandy: trying to play it off with jokes bc god forbid we show our sensitivities. Meanwhile Geralt just wordlessly picking up the hat and getting a new shirt out for him... the little blush after "take your shirt off" they're so cute I am smooshing them together like barbie dolls

Page 6: Geralt's amused little smirk. Dandy handing him his lute to hold while he undresses. The trust in that one simple little gesture when you think of how important his instrument is to him...

Page 7: Literally what the fuck can I say here that isn't just me gushing like a loon about how cute the cuddling is. Especially with Roach! She looks like a mama watching her cute little foals. We love a family of three :')

Here's a little comic based off of @teatitty idea of "[Geralt & Dandelion] both looking wet and pathetic after getting caught in a sudden downpour and bickering over whose fault it is"

I like to imagine this is set within the first few years of them travelling together when they're still learning each others boundaries and what not.

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Rise of the Pink Ladies incorrect quotes

Its long as hell so imma put a post break here

~

Jane: I think we're missing something.

Olivia: Teamwork?

Cynthia: Cohesion?

Nancy: A general sense of what we’re doing?

~

Cynthia: Olivia isn’t answering her phone

Jane: I’ll call

Cynthia: Nancy and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Olivia: Hello?

~

Jane: *Gently taps table*

Olivia: *Taps back*

Cynthia: What are they doing?

Nancy: Morse code.

Jane: *Aggressively taps table*

Olivia: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

~

Jane: Dammit, Nancy!

Nancy: What?! It wasn’t me!

Jane: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Cynthia!

Cynthia: Not me either.

Jane: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Olivia: *whistles*

~

Cynthia: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Nancy: Not if they consent to it.

Olivia: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Jane: YES?!?

~

*Jane's helping Olivia out after she gets injured, while the others are watching*

Cynthia: How does Olivia look?

Nancy: A little better than you, actually

~

Jane: I think Nancy was right.

Olivia: I'm surprised she hasn’t marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Cynthia: She wouldn't do that.

Nancy: You're right, Cynthia. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Nancy: *turns around, the shirt she’s wearing says 'Nancy Told You So' on the back*

~

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Cynthia: Shit.

Olivia: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Jane: OH MY GOD NANCY FELL OFF!!!

~

Olivia: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Cynthia: Are we stealing them?

Nancy: New or used?

Olivia: Wonderful responses, both of you.

~

Cynthia: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Olivia: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Cynthia: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING NANCY WITH ME

Jane, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

~

Jane: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Olivia: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Cynthia: I personally was created in a lab.

Nancy: I just straight up spawned lol.

~

Jane: Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Olivia: I don’t know how to do that.

Cynthia: I don’t wear a watch.

Nancy: Time is a construct.

~

Cynthia: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail

Nancy: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police

~

Olivia: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming

Jane: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

~

Cynthia, struggling to keep upright in her 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me

Olivia, pointing at her and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

~

Cynthia: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Nancy: *chugs entire bottle*

Nancy: It’s perfume.

~

Cynthia: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Jane: You're like 15 years old

Cynthia: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

~

Cynthia: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Jane: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

Nancy: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God

~

Olivia: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Jane: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Olivia: Absolutely not.

(This could work with either sibling but I’m gay so you get gay people)

~

Cynthia: Top 30 reasons why Cynthia is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Olivia: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

~

Jane: So what’s for dinner?

Cynthia, staring at the food she just burnt: Regret

~

Jane: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE

Olivia: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially

Jane, desperately, as Olivia bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Olivia: Oh! B positive.

Jane: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Olivia:

~

Cynthia: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you

Nancy: 10 times 0 is still 0 though

Cynthia: Jokes on you, I can't do math

~

Jane: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Cynthia: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

~

Olivia: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Cynthia: Thank you

Olivia: I didn't say that was a good thing

Cynthia: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

~

Jane: Okay, truth or dare?

Nancy: Truth

Jane: How many hours have you three slept this week?

Nancy:

Cynthia: ...Dare

Jane: Go to bed.

Olivia: I don’t like this game.

~

Olivia: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Jane: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?

Olivia: No! Four to five seconds!

Jane: Too late!!!

~

Cynthia: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Jane: I think you mean cards.

Cynthia, pulling knives out of her sleeves: No, I do not.

~

Jane: This is such a bad idea.

Nancy: Then why are you coming along?

Jane: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

~

Nancy: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Olivia: If?

Cynthia: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and she might not even die.

~

Jane, to Nancy: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Nancy, motioning to herself and Cynthia: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

~

Cynthia: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Nancy: The car takes a screenshot.

Olivia: For the last time, get the fuck out.

~

Cynthia: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Nancy: How am I supposed to know?

Olivia: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Nancy: *sighs*

Nancy: You wouldn't be trapped.

~

Store Worker: Would a Ms. Jane please come to the front desk?

Jane, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Nancy and Jane

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Nancy and Cynthia, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Jane: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

~

Jane: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Nancy: Okay, but in my defense, Cynthia bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Jane: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

~

Cynthia: I told Olivia her ears flush when they lie.

Jane: Why?

Cynthia: Look.

Cynthia: Hey Olivia! Do you love us?

Olivia, covering her ears: No.

Jane:

~

*Cynthia and Nancy sitting in jail together*

Nancy: So who should we call?

Cynthia: I’d call Olivia, but I feel safer in jail

~

Cynthia: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Nancy: The cow???

Cynthia: What?

Jane: Nancy, W H Y?

~

Jane: We need a distraction.

Olivia: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Cynthia, whispering: My time has come

~

Cynthia: Hey, Olivia? Can I get some dating advice?

Olivia: Just because I’m with Jane doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

[mariaofdoranelle]

Golden Tattoo — How They Met (Part 0?)

Rowaelin Month 2022 — Day 6: College/University AU

Parts 1-4 in my RM22 masterlist!

I have a fun story to distract you from the fact that part 4 is only coming out tomorrow. I’m posting this from my phone because I saw a scary lizard in my kitchen and ran for my life. Now I’m at my grandma’s gossiping at 1 am because we’re both insomniac girls, so I hope you don’t mind my poor editing of this draft.

Warnings: language, weed cookies, pizza mugger

Word count: 1,7k

. * ･ ｡ﾟ, (੭˘͈ᵕ˘͈)੭ <%) (%> ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ . * ･ ｡ﾟ,

Aelin was having a staring contest with her cookies, trying to decide which one was higher.

Physically, it was her. The cookies were an inch tall. Aelin was lots of inches tall.

Chemically, it was the cookies. A weed cookie was 100% weed cookie. But when she ate them, she was only Aelin divided by cookies high.

A cookie could only contain a cookie. But Aelin? She could contain a multitude of cookies.

And pizza, she giggled at the thought.

As she opened the box containing the frozen pizza, Aelin noticed something incredibly odd.

Why in hell was the pizza green?

Aelin snapped a photo and sent to Elide, always the voice of reason

Aelin: It’s ruined

Aelin: I’m ruined

Ellie: Isn’t this the blue cheese?

Aelin: Ellie.

Aelin: This looks BAD

Ellie: Looks like blue cheese

Aelin: Looks like FUNGUS

Ellie: That’s the point of blue cheese

Tired of putting reason into Elide’s head, she packed the rotten pizza to return at the supermarket and left, only grabbing a small amount of money and another herb cookie on her way.

The closest supermarket wasn’t exactly close, but Aelin was glad she came by foot, even if it was already late. She loved to walk and see the traffic, street vendors, Doranelle’s awfully polluted river. Oh, the wonders of living in a big city.

Just like she watched the traffic lights reflect on a man’s red hair. God, why was his hair so shiny? And he was kinda hot too. Aelin tried not to stare, but it was a bit hard.

Hot Ginger approached, running to talk to her, and Aelin straightened her posture. She wished she didn’t leave the house in her pajamas now.

“Give me your phone. Now!”

He had the most mesmerizing gray eyes, so Aelin licked her lips and told him her phone number.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he shouted and grabbed a pocket knife.

Was Hot Ginger mugging her?

Before any of them could react, Aelin saw a frozen whole chicken flying through the air and hitting Hot Ginger’s head. The assailant staggered, but Aelin’s eyes didn’t notice it because she was too busy laughing and trying to figure out where that chicken had come from.

That’s when she noticed a smoking hot silver-haired man coming her way.

Dear Mala.

Was she a damsel in distress?

In the meanwhile, Hot Ginger took advantage of her distraction and snatched the bag with the pizza, running away immediately after.

Panting, the silver-haired guy asked, “Are you alright?”

“He stole my pizza,” Aelin mumbled, gaping the way the thief went.

He frowned and gently held her elbow, taking her somewhere safer. It turns out they were incredibly close to the supermarket, so it didn’t take long for them to find a safe bench to sit.

Aelin’s postured was slumped as she stared into the void. God, she missed the light weight of that rotten pizza in her hand.

“You’re really upset over that pizza, aren’t you?” A deep voice interrupted her thoughts.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Yeah, and it was your fault.”

The stranger’s green eyes went wide. “Excuse me?”

“Well...” she trailed.

“Rowan.”

“Rowan. If you didn’t come all oh-look-how-good-I-am-at-chicken-throwing, I would have my pizza by now,” she slurred.

He ran a hand through his hair and muttered something to himself. And then sighed. “Could’ve been a lot worse.”

If she thought about it, he was actually right. Nodding, Aelin said, “Maybe. I don’t have my phone, but he could’ve taken my cookie.”

The stranger’s lips tightened to suppress a smile. “You’re walking around the city with just a frozen pizza and one single cookie?

Just like that, the mood shifted into something lighter. Aelin lifted her index finger. “A rotten pizza that I came to exchange, a magic cookie, and a bit of cash.”

He shook his head in either denial or amusement and laughed. “Are those a modern version of magic beans?”

She giggled, “No, it’s a pot cookie.”

Rowan’s eyes bulged. “Like in weed? You’re carrying weed around town?” he hurriedly whispered.

Grabbing the napkin-wrapped cookie from her pocket, she handed it to Rowan. She knew she’d need it sometime. Stoned Aelin always knew better. Getting down on one knee, she offered with both hands, “You shall eat my pot cookie, Hot Stranger.”

Rowan looked awfully cute with flushed cheeks, or so Aelin thought as he quickly looked around and hid the cookie in his pocket. “I thought you were mad at me for helping with the thief.”

She sat back and shrugged. “You’re taking this too seriously.” Why did he seem so nervous? Aelin tilted her head, trying to figure him out. “It’s safe, Ellie bought the good shit.”

He frowned. “You’re stoned now, aren’t you?”

Aelin’s huge grin was her only response. She didn’t know exactly what happened, but something about her face made Rowan’s expression soften. Probably the messy hair, but her mood had brightened enough for her to not care.

Chuckling a little, he eyed the cookie. “I can’t. I had plans to drop you off safely—“

“I got here by myself, didn’t I?”

“And nearly got killed—“

“Oh, come on! It’ll be fine. You’ve never done it before?”

Rowan sighed. “I smoked it once at a party. Nearly choked to death and gave up altogether.”

“The cookie takes at least one hour to hit. We’ll have enough time to buy the pizza and cook it.” She stood up and mentioned for him tag along.

He eyed her warily, but followed her lead. “You’re way too trusting. I could be an axe murderer.”

“Are you an axe murderer?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No,” he blurted with widened eyes.

“Then relax, Buzzard,” Aelin slurred.

Chuckling at the nickname, he just twirled the cookie around his fingers, studying it, and took a bite. His face was unreadable, but then hummed in approval as he chewed. “This is really good. Tastes a bit bitter.”

Enveloping his elbow with one hand, she led him to the frozen food section. “Come on, I have a very bad case of the munchies.”

~~~~

Turns out there wasn’t enough time. They got to know each other a little at the supermarket — Rowan was a student from the same university as Aelin, and the frozen chicken was meant to be for a dinner with his parents in two days. But by the time they reached the subway, Rowan started laughing at the station’s mice, and the conversation became about the pros and cons of time traveling. According to him, riding the subway feels like going inside a time machine.

At her apartment, Aelin left Rowan completely horrified when he discovered she cooks in the microwave, so she sat on the counter while he dealt with the pizza.

After putting it in the oven, he laid on the kitchen floor and sighed. Aelin sat on his side, and they made deep, meaningful conversation while waiting for the pizza to cook.

“Are you a Cancer?”

“No, but I have anxiety.”

“I’m a Taurus.”

He frowned. “No, you’re Alien.”

“What?”

“What ‘what’?”

“You called me an E.T.” she pointed out, amused.

“I called you by your name.”

Aelin smiled. “Yeah, that’s a great movie.”

“We should watch a movie after the pizza.”

“Fuck yeah, you have the best ideas.”

The timer pinged, and Aelin decided to at least retrieve the pizza after Rowan did the hard job of putting their ready-to-go dinner in the oven. However, she underestimated the metal tray’s heat by wrapping her hand in a thin towel to retrieve it.

Aelin ran to the counter screaming curses, but her effort wasn’t enough. Her reflexes were stronger than her desire to keep the pizza safe.

Everything was in slow motion when the baking tray fell, Aelin’s heart beating so hard she felt it inside her throat. A loud clunk sealed their fate. The pizza was smashed on her kitchen floor, the toppings completely messy.

Trying to appease a petrified Rowan, she said, “Don’t worry, I cleaned the floor, like, this week.”

He slowly lift his head to her with widened eyes. “Was that supposed to soothe me?”

Aelin started laughing. It was hard not to when he looked this horrified. Sitting beside the crumbled pizza, she cheered, “Come on! Before it gets cold.”

That was enough to snap Rowan out of his shock. “By your reaction, I don’t think it’ll get cold anytime soon,” he teased.

They ate their slightly ruined pizza off the kitchen floor, sometimes humming between bites because even if it didn’t look good, the taste was amazing.

Too lazy to get up and walk the few steps to the couch, they decided to watch the movie on Aelin’s phone.

“I’m kinda going through an Anne Hathaway phase,” Aelin said when they were deciding what to watch.

Rowan rubbed his chin, considering his options. “I like The Intern.”

Aelin wrinkled her nose, disapproving.

“You don’t like cute old widowers?” he asked, a bit foggy.

She shook her head. “There’s very little romance, and it’s bad.” Rowan seemed deep in thought for a moment, but then something clicked and he nodded. “One Day?” she suggested.

Now it was his time to turn the offer down. “That movie is so bad.”

Aelin’s eyes went wide. “Explain yourself.”

“So.” Rowan straightened on his seat. “The guy meets the love of his life and spends years sitting around doing nothing.” He put a hand on his mouth, stifling a giggle. “It’s so stupid.”

Aelin raised her eyebrows. “Is that so, loverboy?”

He tsked, shaking his head. “Not loverboy yet.” Rowan pointed his index finger up for emphasis. “But when I become loverboy, I’ll loverboy the hell out of lovergirl.” Then he frowned and added, “Or loverboy #2, we never know.”

Aelin giggled. “Okay, then. What about The Princess Diaries?”

Rowan’s eye’s lit up. “Absolutely.”

The sight of that hunk of a man getting excited to see a teenage princess movie made Aelin laugh harder, and Rowan followed suit even though he probably didn’t know what she was laughing at.

When their mood subsided, they improvised something to hold the phone without getting up. Aelin rested her head on his shoulder without further notice, but Rowan didn’t bulge. He just drew a silly smile and pressed play.

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