#so going back and learning fundamentals
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X.x y feel like all art I tuch bad.
Making animations feeling fake af because I didn’t make the rig from the ground up like it’s 2013.
Also the animations are kind of just actually disfocused like sh*t bc perfecting the workflow is genuinely the important part even just for this project f my development as an artist.
Okay cool I feel slightly better. Art art art
#art block#now it’s time for my own artblock post#😔#sad 😔#it’s pretty simple#I use tools to do things#digital tools#this post is not about ai#but yeah just the normal artist and developer tools#I’m self taught with super limited academic experience (>3 <8 art classes)#so my workflow is fucked#it’s just bad#so going back and learning fundamentals#this summer#was fine and went really well actually but it’s still going and#sigh#it went well until I got stuck on something and became not rewarding anymore because I kept trying.#right anyway new project#I’m like… animating???#crying sobbing over problems i can fix with a hotspot or ukno USING THE INTERNET EFFECTIVELY WHEN YOURE AT FRIENDS HOUSES WHO HAVE INTERNEY#LOLike I am now :(#bringing it back to artblock
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Wouldn’t it be fun and epic if Heart created Apathy himself?
It obviously originally started as a grave for Mind, a 6ft hole with barely enough room to hold your hands out. But then the Juno incident happened, and suddenly the world warped along with it.
Soul bound his wings and threw him down, a heavy rain preventing him from climbing out. After a while he begins to dig, he doesn’t know why (even to this day) but he can’t help but wallow in his own grief and ‘accept’ this punishment. Everyday it got deeper and deeper, by the time he was too weak to dig anymore it would do it for him, eating his anguish and him alongside it. By the time he took his own sight it was practically a cave, his life seeping into the soil and feeding the earth.
It only starts to heal alongside him, filling up day by day until it’s just a small grassy dip in the soil at the end of Concord. At first glance it looks natural, but it’ll never quite be the same.
#doodle rambles#even more fun and epic if he thinks he’s the reason it got so bad#if only he was more ‘mature’ maybe he could have escaped#for more angst:#it’s also extremely cold and wet down there#he gets too tired to move and just kinda lays in a big puddle#he learns to live with it. but then Soul brings him back and the warmth is almost painful#he just wants to be cold again. he doesn’t like feeling the pain from healing#aka: his recovery is just as painful physically as it is emotionally#he also gets horrible nightmares about it but that’s neither here nor there#I want it to be traumatic and change him forever fundamentally yknow?#I know in canon it’s just kinda there but. in my heart he was going through the horrors#cccc#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cj heart#cccc heart
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I think the aspect of the 2.7 story that felt most impactful to me was something that was previously addressed in the Penacony main story, but was reemphasized and expanded upon with Sunday being the narrative focus of this update:
Sunday is scared.
His motivation to protect the people and things important to him -- Robin is an excellent example -- manifests as a desire for control, to eliminate potential dangers. This motivation is based in fear; he's afraid to lose what he has to factors beyond his control, like the bullet that nearly took his sister's life.
And part of the "true paradise" he longs for involves preventing the sense of powerlessness that accompanies that fear. He believes that humanity sleeps because "we are afraid to awaken from our dreams." Indeed, the appeal of the "sweet dream" of Penacony is freedom from the uncontrollable and inevitable tragedies of the waking world.
It's part of what made him such an effective villain in the Penacony arc; even though you may disagree vehemently with his actions, you can understand with and sympathize the rationale behind them. In his mind, absolute control over the Dreamscape -- the elimination of frightening unknowns -- is the most effective way to keep everyone safe and happy. However, this undermines the real freedom and autonomy of the affected populace, many of whom are unaware of the Dreamscape's true nature.
In the 2.7 update, Sunday is "nerfed after turning into a good guy," to use March's words. Previously, he enjoyed immense social status as the head of the Oak Family -- and as the imposing, invulnerable, "final boss"-style antagonist. Now, his role is effectively reversed; he's a fugitive who has to disguise himself to evade the potential consequences of simply being seen.
He's an incredibly vulnerable position.
Not just physically -- as the audience, we also get intimate insights into his feelings and thought processes. Now he recognizes the scope of the harm he was previously willing to cause in the name of absolute control, and shoulders the responsibility of dealing with the repercussions.
His newly evident guilt and shame is emotionally moving on its own...
...and becomes even more poignant when you realize that guilt and shame and vulnerability has been a crucial aspect of his character from the very beginning. After all, so much of his deep-seated fear of the unknown stemmed from him blaming himself -- his lack of control over the situation -- for Robin's unforeseen injury.
I found the scene at the Dream's Edge the most touching in this update. Sunday's conversation with Robin is a bit of a paradox: he is deeply sincere and vulnerable in speaking to his own sister, yet guarded because he must avoid revealing his true identity. And Robin, in turn, directly provides an alternate outlook on Sunday's character, describing him as though to someone who's never met him, as though he isn't there.
And Robin's perspective reaffirms that Sunday's apparent invulnerability was essentially a facade. He may have been the head of the Oak Family, and the imposing final boss, but at the same time, on the inside, he was continually paralyzed by fear.
Sunday has always been vulnerable. He has always been scared.
And I think what makes the conclusion to the 2.7 story so satisfying and triumphant is that Sunday begins to properly address his fear, his persistent guilt and shame. He moves beyond simply acknowledging it, and recognizes not just how indulging his fear can bring further harm, but also what good things (that otherwise wouldn't occur) can happen when he overcomes it -- as it were, when he doesn't let his fear control him.
I'm going to be real, I probably had an intelligent-sounding conclusion for this, but... it took me several weeks to write this and I've forgotten any idea i might have had previously, so let's just say he definitely hit me right in the feels. 🤣
#sunday#hsr sunday#honkai star rail#hsr#star rail#hsr spoilers#sunday hsr#idk man just. AAAGH#idk if I'll ever be over how sunday played with my feelings#i started the penacony main story back in like march or smth and this update came out in december#so that's a solid 9 months i spent legitimately terrified of sunday#like that one scene in his office with aventurine gave me probably some of the worst nightmares i had all year#so like. idk if i realized it consciously at the time going through this part of the story but#i think it hit me particularly hard learning that he was never as invulnerable as he seemed#like not that him being a big scary villain was fake per se#but in that his invulnerable persona was a fundamental misconception of his character#that is perhaps deliberately cultivated (he talks about how he never wants to share too many of his worries with robin)#i feel like that could be its own separate post because AAAH#there's so many feelings and so much dramatic irony in sunday and robin's relationship#demonstrated very well by this conversation at the dream's edge#anyway. so i just.#like i definitely didn't doubt that this part of the story would do his character justice#but given my previous feelings on him i just never expected to fall for him like i did#well played hoyo. well played
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#either the state of the CK fandom is really that bad or i have really blocked that many people#its so interesting to see it grow from the s3 covid boom#post s3 most of us were knew so we were learning the lore together. we were going through the stages of#“surface level fandom for shipping purposes” to “backed by canon” together#to see people come in becaue The Ship (which was also why i came in)#and be charmed by the fandom portrayel of them. then watch the show and realize how disengaged it is.#we've all been there.#like surface level shippers will always exist but the teat is if its 6 months later and theyve become oddly attached#to an obscure side character that has no last name. who has entire meta commentaries#watson vs doylist style#the layers of meta of it all ...#also usually you find another ship that is much less popular but scratches your brain in such a particular way that it outshines the og mvp#and then you look back on it all like a fond lover. before going back to drafting you johnjoshhayden hate mail#and there's the inevitable boom of new fans after each season that come and go but#there are still a few of the old guard. “i was there gandolf” and you pass each other on the dash#world weary and smoking a cigarette. as the same conversations are had once again.#anyways its always wild to see daniel/sam/Ralph/mary hate at this point in time. in this economy?#not like “i disagree with their actions here” but like “they suck ass and are so mean and they bullied me personally irl i have proof ”#you know the kind where the only way to reach that conclusion you have to have a fundamental misunderstanding of the movies the characters#and also just like. human interaction itself?#bullying? in the “bullying is bad” movie fandom? *pointed look*#i rogot entirely where i was going with this rip
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I've decided. I don't like the HTTYD movie sequels' xenophobia era. I don't think the themes should have gone that way.
#or isolationism or defeatism or segregation or valuing heteroamatonormativity and something uncomfortably close-#-to the Divine Right of Kings (or at least 'might makes right') above and beyond everything else.#I think it really undercut the first movie.#although in some awful way I guess it makes sense that they concluded by framing Hiccup and Toothless' relationship as -#-something bad that fundamentally 'needed' to end#because that relationship was the microcosm of growing out of the Othering and 'us vs them' mentality#and growing into a new era of progress and support and cultural exchange and compassion beyond your in-group#and the sequels no longer believe in any of those things.#I was originally way too lenient to HTTYD2 because I cared about the characters and story and really wanted to like it.#but also because it was an unfinished story and I used to have faith in the third one. before. you know.#I didn't want to believe that the message of HTTYD2 could have actually been that Hiccup should just believe his authorities#when they say that an othered enemy they don't really understand or know much about is just extremely dangerous#and will always go for the kill and cannot be reasoned with and war is the only option.#the narrative punishes Hiccup for NOT taking this for granted MUCH more harshly than HTTYD1 'punished' Stoick for the opposite.#(which isn't a criticism of HTTYD1 which actually treated the characters as well-meaning ppl with their own POVs-#-and actually let them learn and grow and put focus on portraying THAT.)#in the sequels the only ideas that get challenged are Hiccup's progressive push which just gets killed in the third.#so they can return to traditionalism. and this idea that everyone outside of Berk's homogenous in-group is irredeemably evil#(except Eret who kinda just stopped mattering and being his own character)#and because of all these Evil Foreigners. their unchallenged unique in-group just can't have nice things#so they just apply segregation and the dragons should Go Back Where They Came From and the humans stay on their new big rock#that looks like the physical manifestation of isolationism.#what was even the POINT of ANYTHING from the first movie anymore?#httyd criticism#httyd2 criticism#httyd3 criticism#thw criticism#thw negativity#httyd3 negativity#I don't think this is a very thematically coherent trilogy. they did a full 180° against the first movie.
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art youtuber: so you draw a box like this (simple!) and then draw a similar box but slightly different to add a sense of 3D space me: ああ、なるほど。 分かりました! me, after failing to do even a little of any of that: ヽ(°ロ°)ノ
#personal#I understand it in my brain why don't my hands understand it#I'm like 'draw a line here' but my fingers are like but what if the line was ten miles in the other direct facing a different way and ten#times darker than you wanted it to be????#I swear it's like my hand eye coordination gets WORSE the more I learn the fundamentals#this is why people are like ~practice~ but bro why do I have to endure the humiliations#it's so demoralizing not being able to draw a square right#one of the most easy shapes to master#I want to go back to gesture drawing where I can scribble and no one gives a fuck#they should just let me understand the words and then the ability unlocks like a skill tree in videogames
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big spoilers for new info as of tonight's episode but eye am soooooooo curious about the extent to which galicaea is still opposed to cassandra in some way. obviously in her high elven form she was trying to get kristen as a follower rather than have her continue to investigate the nightmare king and find cassandra, like she was NOT trying to put her thumb on the scale in that way. and from the sound of it she and sol basically respectively absorbed/dissolved the domains that once belonged to cassandra and ankarna through numerous calculated efforts of their clerics and evangelists, with sol and helio acquiring exclusive association with the sun and summer, and galicaea acquiring exclusive worship of the wood elves and becoming a goddess defined by certainty and eternity, driving away doubt. so is galicaea still playing the game even after being "restored" by wolfsong, trying to keep rage and doubt out of the world that is so well set up for her. was she ever really restored or was it doomed to be a cosmetic overhaul after the high elves got behind it again. like how christian fundamentalists dress like hipsters and open really trendy and successful coffee shops
#crazy plot twist the big bad this season is NOT capitalism! it is imperialism and religious fundamentalism#.txt#d20 spoilers#d20#also lets be clear i definitely don't think galicaea's being like played or piggybacked by sol i think they go hand in hand#like i think sol stood the most to gain directly by destroying ankarna as the only other major sun diety. we haven't heard of other dieties#of night/the moon so much. darkness yes mystery etc sure but not those specific domains. so sol surely had a lot to gain out of this.#but i think she elevates herself by elevating her husband & their union as sun and moon. when the sun shines brighter so too does the moon!#anyway i think perhaps what we learn from this episode (besides the obvious)#is that the 'corrupted' versions of the gods don't disappear so easily. obviously ankarna is still surviving in some form.#the nightmare king is still an aspect of cassandra. galicaea's wolf aspect is still tempered and her sylvan aspect is elevated over it#also interesting that the form of cassandra that was defined by betrayal from her sister is associated with mirrors lol.#presumably galicaea changed a lot after her marriage to sol. and then she had cassandra and her partner wiped from knowledge. so.#also crazy to think about how old the worship of these gods are and how recent the supremacy of sol/galicaea is.#when kristen died during the cataclysm that created the nightmare king her bones were 850 years old.#the menhir commemorating cassandra's marriage is 3000 years old. AND obviously that was a place that was sacred to the pantheon if they hel#a wedding there. AND galicaea drove the evidence of that literally into the ground and claimed it as a place of exclusive worship.#AND on a historical scale that happened like two weeks ago.#just saying im not surprised the nightmare king is back. and if i were galicaea i'd be terrified of rage and doubt as well.#dimension 20
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when I "finish" a query but it takes more than 10 seconds to load I just tell people it doesn't work yet until I can optimize it lol cause the only reason anything would run that slow is if I messed something up wrong
#much of our databases are undocumented and I dont think anyone in dev is totally aware of what's going on in there#given how many times ive had to explain fundamental issues back to them + send tickets when they break things#so there are plenty of times im working blind esp given that i was not trained and learned things on my own time#also im asked to do weird stuff that we might not have the data for so it's a trial and error game lol#err technically the databases have limited and outdated notes on select few columns in select few tables#but enough notes are incorrect or so incomplete that they are basically lies so I do not count that shit
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have a song stuck in my head...
#starsforseiya.txt#i have some wips i'm working on and i'm also trying to take time to learn the fundamentals#i know the basics but i'm not too happy with my art rn so i'm going back to learning them!!#i have trouble drawing fabric so that's what my main focus is on learning abt different fabrics and stuff#the song is from ram btw 😭😭
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seeing people not understand the ending of F+C with simon and betty is about to be my joker moment
#babbles#adventure time#like you mfs are missing the FUNDAMENTAL point of AT as a whole#everything that has happened or ever will happen cannot be changed#but you still much choose to live regardless#things 'end' but they never do really#theyre still happening back then#but we experience time linearly so you need to learn to move forward because its ok that its not happening for you anymore#you can never get it back#but it was never gone to begin with its still there#and life will go on and on and on long after you and your story is forgotten#so before you are gone you NEED to learn to go on#learn from the past dont live in it#live now#keep living right now forever#go experience a deep and complicated human connection irl and you might get it idk
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See now if many years ago I was a real one I would have studied all this perspective background shit already and I would be the goat
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The article is under the cut because paywalls suck
This is an edited transcript of an audio essay on “The Ezra Klein Show.” You can listen to the conversation by following or subscribing to the show on the NYT Audio App, Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you want to understand the first few weeks of the second Trump administration, you should listen to what Steve Bannon told PBS’s “Frontline” in 2019:
Steve Bannon: The opposition party is the media. And the media can only, because they’re dumb and they’re lazy, they can only focus on one thing at a time. … All we have to do is flood the zone. Every day we hit them with three things. They’ll bite on one, and we’ll get all of our stuff done. Bang, bang, bang. These guys will never — will never be able to recover. But we’ve got to start with muzzle velocity. So it’s got to start, and it’s got to hammer, and it’s got to — Michael Kirk: What was the word? Bannon: Muzzle velocity.
Muzzle velocity. Bannon’s insight here is real. Focus is the fundamental substance of democracy. It is particularly the substance of opposition. People largely learn of what the government is doing through the media — be it mainstream media or social media. If you overwhelm the media — if you give it too many places it needs to look, all at once, if you keep it moving from one thing to the next — no coherent opposition can emerge. It is hard to even think coherently.
Donald Trump’s first two weeks in the White House have followed Bannon’s strategy like a script. The flood is the point. The overwhelm is the point. The message wasn’t in any one executive order or announcement. It was in the cumulative effect of all of them. The sense that this is Trump’s country now. This is his government now. It follows his will. It does what he wants. If Trump tells the state to stop spending money, the money stops. If he says that birthright citizenship is over, it’s over.
Or so he wants you to think. In Trump’s first term, we were told: Don’t normalize him. In his second, the task is different: Don’t believe him.
Trump knows the power of marketing. If you make people believe something is true, you make it likelier that it becomes true. Trump clawed his way back to great wealth by playing a fearsome billionaire on TV; he remade himself as a winner by refusing to admit he had ever lost. The American presidency is a limited office. But Trump has never wanted to be president, at least not as defined in Article II of the U.S. Constitution. He has always wanted to be king. His plan this time is to first play king on TV. If we believe he is already king, we will be likelier to let him govern as a king.
Don’t believe him. Trump has real powers — but they are the powers of the presidency. The pardon power is vast and unrestricted, and so he could pardon the Jan. 6 rioters. Federal security protection is under the discretion of the executive branch, and so he could remove it from Anthony Fauci and Mike Pompeo and John Bolton and Mark Milley and even Brian Hook, a largely unknown former State Department official under threat from Iran who donated time to Trump’s transition team. It was an act of astonishing cruelty and callousness from a man who nearly died by an assassin’s bullet — as much as anything ever has been, this, to me, was an X-ray of the smallness of Trump’s soul — but it was an act that was within his power.
But the president cannot rewrite the Constitution. Within days, the birthright citizenship order was frozen by a judge — a Reagan appointee — who told Trump’s lawyers, “I have difficulty understanding how a member of the bar would state unequivocally that this is a constitutional order. It just boggles my mind.” A judge froze the spending freeze before it was even scheduled to go into effect, and shortly thereafter, the Trump administration rescinded the order, in part to avoid the court case.
What Bannon wanted — what the Trump administration wants — is to keep everything moving fast. Muzzle velocity, remember. If you’re always consumed by the next outrage, you can’t look closely at the last one. The impression of Trump’s power remains; the fact that he keeps stepping on rakes is missed. The projection of strength obscures the reality of weakness. Don’t believe him.
You could see this a few ways: Is Trump playing a part, making a bet or triggering a crisis? Those are the options. I am not certain he knows the answer. Trump has always been an improviser. But if you take it as calculated, here is the calculation: Perhaps this Supreme Court, stocked with his appointees, gives him powers no peacetime president has ever possessed. Perhaps all of this becomes legal now that he has asserted its legality. It is not impossible to imagine that bet paying off.
But Trump’s odds are bad. So what if the bet fails and his arrogations of power are soundly rejected by the courts? Then comes the question of constitutional crisis: Does he ignore the court’s ruling? To do that would be to attempt a coup. I wonder if they have the stomach for it. The withdrawal of the Office of Management and Budget’s order to freeze spending suggests they don’t. Bravado aside, Trump’s political capital is thin. Both in his first and second terms, he has entered office with approval ratings below that of any president in the modern era. Gallup has Trump’s approval rating at 47 percent — about 10 points beneath Joe Biden’s in January 2021.
There is a reason Trump is doing all of this through executive orders rather than submitting these same directives as legislation to pass through Congress. A more powerful executive could persuade Congress to eliminate the spending he opposes or reform the civil service to give himself the powers of hiring and firing that he seeks. To write these changes into legislation would make them more durable and allow him to argue their merits in a more strategic way. Even if Trump’s aim is to bring the civil service to heel — to rid it of his opponents and turn it to his own ends — he would be better off arguing that he is simply trying to bring the high-performance management culture of Silicon Valley to the federal government. You never want a power grab to look like a power grab.
But Republicans have a three-seat edge in the House and a 53-seat majority in the Senate. Trump has done nothing to reach out to Democrats. If Trump tried to pass this agenda as legislation, it would most likely fail in the House, and it would certainly die before the filibuster in the Senate. And that would make Trump look weak. Trump does not want to look weak. He remembers John McCain humiliating him in his first term by casting the deciding vote against Obamacare repeal.
That is the tension at the heart of Trump’s whole strategy: Trump is acting like a king because he is too weak to govern like a president. He is trying to substitute perception for reality. He is hoping that perception then becomes reality. That can only happen if we believe him.
The flurry of activity is meant to suggest the existence of a plan. The Trump team wants it known that they’re ready this time. They will control events rather than be controlled by them. The closer you look, the less true that seems. They are scrambling and flailing already. They are leaking against one another already. We’ve learned, already, that the O.M.B. directive was drafted, reportedly, without the input or oversight of key Trump officials — “it didn’t go through the proper approval process,” an administration official told The Washington Post. For this to be the process and product of a signature initiative in the second week of a president’s second term is embarrassing.
But it’s not just the O.M.B. directive. The Trump administration is waging an immediate war on the bureaucracy, trying to replace the “deep state” it believes hampered it in the first term. A big part of this project seems to have been outsourced to Elon Musk, who is bringing the tactics he used at Twitter to the federal government. He has longtime aides at the Office of Personnel Management, and the email sent to nearly all federal employees even reused the subject line of the email he sent to Twitter employees: “Fork in the Road.” Musk wants you to know it was him.
The email offers millions of civil servants a backdoor buyout: Agree to resign and in theory, at least, you can collect your paycheck and benefits until the end of September without doing any work. The Department of Government Efficiency account on X described it this way: “Take the vacation you always wanted, or just watch movies and chill, while receiving your full government pay and benefits.” The Washington Post reported that the email “blindsided” many in the Trump administration who would normally have consulted on a notice like that.
I suspect Musk thinks of the federal work force as a huge mass of woke ideologues. But most federal workers have very little to do with politics. About 16 percent of the federal work force is in health care. These are, for instance, nurses and doctors who work for the Veterans Affairs department. How many of them does Musk want to lose? What plans does the V.A. have for attracting and training their replacements? How quickly can he do it?
The Social Security Administration has more than 59,000 employees. Does Musk know which ones are essential to operations and unusually difficult to replace? One likely outcome of this scheme is that a lot of talented people who work in nonpolitical jobs and could make more elsewhere take the lengthy vacation and leave government services in tatters. Twitter worked poorly after Musk’s takeover, with more frequent outages and bugs, but its outages are not a national scandal. When V.A. health care degrades, it is. To have sprung this attack on the civil service so loudly and publicly and brazenly is to be assured of the blame if anything goes wrong.
What Trump wants you to see in all this activity is command. What is really in all this activity is chaos. They do not have some secret reservoir of focus and attention the rest of us do not. They have convinced themselves that speed and force is a strategy unto itself — that it is, in a sense, a replacement for a real strategy. Don’t believe them.
I had a conversation a couple months ago with someone who knows how the federal government works about as well as anyone alive. I asked him what would worry him most if he saw Trump doing it. What he told me is that he would worry most if Trump went slowly. If he began his term by doing things that made him more popular and made his opposition weaker and more confused. If he tried to build strength for the midterms while slowly expanding his powers and chipping away at the deep state where it was weakest.
But he didn’t. And so the opposition to Trump, which seemed so listless after the election, is beginning to rouse itself.
There is a subreddit for federal employees where one of the top posts reads: “This non ‘buyout’ really seems to have backfired. I’ll be honest, before that email went out, I was looking for any way to get out of this fresh hell. But now I am fired up to make these goons as frustrated as possible.” As I write this, it’s been upvoted more than 39,000 times and civil servant after civil servant is echoing the initial sentiment.
In Iowa this week, Democrats flipped a State Senate seat in a district that Trump won easily in 2024. The attempted spending freeze gave Democrats their voice back, as they zeroed in on the popular programs Trump had imperiled. Trump isn’t building support; he’s losing it. Trump isn’t fracturing his opposition; he’s uniting it.
This is the weakness of the strategy that Bannon proposed and Trump is following. It is a strategy that forces you into overreach. To keep the zone flooded, you have to keep acting, keep moving, keep creating new cycles of outrage or fear. You overwhelm yourself. And there’s only so much you can do through executive orders. Soon enough, you have to go beyond what you can actually do. And when you do that, you either trigger a constitutional crisis or you reveal your own weakness.
Trump may not see his own fork in the road coming. He may believe he has the power he is claiming. That would be a mistake on his part — a self-deception that could doom his presidency. But the real threat is if he persuades the rest of us to believe he has power he does not have.
The first two weeks of Trump’s presidency have not shown his strength. He is trying to overwhelm you. He is trying to keep you off-balance. He is trying to persuade you of something that isn’t true. Don’t believe him.
You can listen to this conversation by following “The Ezra Klein Show” on NYT Audio App, Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. View a list of book recommendations from our guests here.
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Unhealed Wounds Your Character Pretends Are Just “Personality Traits”
These are the things your character claims are just “how they are” but really, they’re bleeding all over everyone and calling it a vibe.
╰ They say they're "independent." Translation: They don’t trust anyone to stay. They learned early that needing people = disappointment. So now they call it “being self-sufficient” like it’s some shiny badge of honor. (Mostly to cover up how lonely they are.)
╰ They say they're "laid-back." Translation: They stopped believing their wants mattered. They'll eat anywhere. Do anything. Agree with everyone. Not because they're chill, but because the fight got beaten out of them a long time ago.
╰ They say they're "a perfectionist." Translation: They believe mistakes make them unlovable. Every typo. Every bad hair day. Every misstep feels like proof that they’re worthless. So they polish and polish and polish... until there’s nothing real left.
╰ They say they're "private." Translation: They’re terrified of being judged—or worse, pitied. Walls on walls on walls. They joke about being “mysterious” while desperately hoping no one gets close enough to see the mess behind the curtain.
╰ They say they're "ambitious." Translation: They think achieving enough will finally make the emptiness go away. If they can just get the promotion, the award, the validation—then maybe they’ll finally outrun the feeling that they’re fundamentally broken. (It never works.)
╰ They say they're "good at moving on." Translation: They’re world-class at repression. They’ll cut people out. Bury heartbreak. Pretend it never happened. And then wonder why they wake up at 3 a.m. feeling like they're suffocating.
╰ They say they're "logical." Translation: They’re terrified of their own feelings. Emotions? Messy. Dangerous. Uncontrollable. So they intellectualize everything to avoid feeling anything real. They call it rationality. (It's fear.)
╰ They say they're "loyal to a fault." Translation: They mistake abandonment for loyalty. They stay too long. Forgive too much. Invest in people who treat them like an afterthought, because they think walking away makes them "just as bad."
╰ They say they're "resilient." Translation: They don't know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden. They wear every bruise like a trophy. They survive things they should never have had to survive. And they call it strength. (But really? It's exhaustion wearing a cape.)
#writing#writerscommunity#writer on tumblr#writing tips#writing advice#character development#writer tumblr#writblr#writing help#writers#aspiring writer#writers on tumblr#writer#writer community#writer problems#writer stuff#writer things#writers life#writers of tumblr#writeblr
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Did some random gesture drawings, same with messing around with facial expressions!
#I learned I can draw OKAY with a reference but without one?#I’m lost#so I’m practicing and actually finally learning the fundamentals of art#this is all my earlier work from the week#I’ll post a new update soon!#this dude learns art#artists on tumblr#traditional art#going back to my roots!!#okay I know they aren’t that great but I did all of them in like 60 seconds
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#i dont even want to be snide or snarky to myself or try to intellectulize why im upset#i just straight up wish i wasnt so alone all the time. i don't know that I'm ever going to stop feeling this alone.#i go back to things I've written almost a decade alone and for every recorded year since the main thing i write about is how i feel#alone in whatever x situation is happening at the time. im always feeling that. not a moment goes by without it. even when#im around others it's like static in the back of my head. like a tension waiting to snap the second im alone again. like holding my breath#until it all crawls back in. i dont know how i can live like this forever. unless i learn to just embrace being apart from everyone always#whether physically emotionally mentally whatever. there's nothing to wish for if i just accept that this is who i am fundamentally and that#that's actually okay. i dont have to try to claw for someone I'll never be bc im just not wired that way you know.#i don't know what other option there can be. im so at odds with others and distant and superficial to others because i just cant be#around people. i was never someone who could.#so if i can just accept that I'll be okay.
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I've had a hard time articulating to people just how fundamental spinning used to be in people's lives, and how eerie it is that it's vanished so entirely. It occurred to me today that it's a bit like if in the future all food was made by machine, and people forgot what farming and cooking were. Not just that they forgot how to do it; they had never heard of it.
When they use phrases like "spinning yarns" for telling stories or "heckling a performer" without understanding where they come from, I imagine a scene in the future where someone uses the phrase "stir the pot" to mean "cause a disagreement" and I say, did you know a pot used to be a container for heating food, and stirring was a way of combining different components of food together? "Wow, you're full of weird facts! How do you even know that?"
When I say I spin and people say "What, like you do exercise bikes? Is that a kind of dancing? What's drafting? What's a hackle?" it's like if I started talking about my cooking hobby and my friend asked "What's salt? Also, what's cooking?" Well, you see, there are a lot of stages to food preparation, starting with planting crops, and cooking is one of the later stages. Salt is a chemical used in cooking which mostly alters the flavor of the food but can also be used for other things, like drawing out moisture...
"Wow, that sounds so complicated. You must have done a lot of research. You're so good at cooking!" I'm really not. In the past, children started learning about cooking as early as age five ("Isn't that child labor?"), and many people cooked every day their whole lives ("Man, people worked so hard back then."). And that's just an average person, not to mention people called "chefs" who did it professionally. I go to the historic preservation center to use their stove once or twice a week, and I started learning a couple years ago. So what I know is less sophisticated than what some children could do back in the day.
"Can you make me a snickers bar?" No, that would be pretty hard. I just make sandwiches mostly. Sometimes I do scrambled eggs. "Oh, I would've thought a snickers bar would be way more basic than eggs. They seem so simple!"
Haven't you ever wondered where food comes from? I ask them. When you were a kid, did you ever pick apart the different colored bits in your food and wonder what it was made of? "No, I never really thought about it." Did you know rice balls are called that because they're made from part of a plant called rice? "Oh haha, that's so weird. I thought 'rice' was just an adjective for anything that was soft and white."
People always ask me why I took up spinning. Isn't it weird that there are things we take so much for granted that we don't even notice when they're gone? Isn't it strange that something which has been part of humanity all across the planet since the Neanderthals is being forgotten in our generation? Isn't it funny that when knowledge dies, it leaves behind a ghost, just like a person? Don't you want to commune with it?
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Hinge presents an anthology of love stories almost never told. Read more on https://no-ordinary-love.co
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