#so like idk refreshing

[microcosmia]

Sleep, Creep, Leap: How I See this Garden Axiom as a Metaphor for Sakura's Growth

Was talking to my mom about gardening today (she's like Umemiya with her plants, srsly) and she reminded me of the concept "sleep, creep, leap" that gardeners have stood by for years.

And it just. It reminds me so much of Sakura. Like. I can't.

The theory is that with transplanted sprouts/plants, they go through a three year cycle (like Japanese high school, anyone?)

The first year after transplant is the "sleep" year. The plant must reestablish its roots in unfamiliar soil. Almost all of the growth will happen underground with very little foliage activity or noticeable upwards or outwards growth.

Ergo, Sakura, year one: learning to "put down roots" in a new place, learning that "new soil" isn't always toxic or harmful or barren. Undergoing great personal growth in his own heart and mind, which isn't always readily or apparently expressed outwardly.

The second year is "creep." The plant begins to grow actively, noticeably. It has taken to the soil and is ready to make the most of it. Both foliage and upwards/outwards growth is apparent, and the roots continue to spread, not just trying to survive but looking to thrive. Some small blooms may happen, and if it's a fruit bearing plant, some smaller-than-usual fruits may be produced, but the plant has yet to reach its full potential.

Sakura as a second year: more comfortable in his place, more willing and able to display what he's learned and how he learned it. Able to open himself up more and begin to bloom into the leader and person he always should have been and could have been, if nurtured properly from the start. He continues to grow in his understanding of himself and others, and is able to interact with people with less embarrassment and more genuine pleasure.

The third year is "leap." This is when the plant has reached its full size. The foliage and roots are established and healthy. Its blooms and fruit are abundant, fragrant, and usually sized. This is, as my mom said, "The plant at its healthiest and happiest, it has flourished into everything it should be".

Sakura, in his third year, the Furin Representative (not the Top of Furin), fully bloomed into his true potential. Fully trusting in his place, his friends, and himself. Fully understanding the kindness he was withheld, and how to go about sharing the kindness he's found with others. He is confident, rooted and grounded in the truths he's learned, the hurt he's gone through, and the healing he's done. Makochi, he knows, is a place he will always get to stay.

[casscainmainly]

Duke insulting Jason Todd for no reason oh Duke nation we are so back

[teaboot]

if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?

Oh my goddd you have no idea

I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.

A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.

To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.

While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats

Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.

I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself-  out of my programming and replaced it with something else.

Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.

People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure

Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?

It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?

I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?

Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?

Yeah, that resonates.

I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened

And now I have to just. Keep going

Into... what?

It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.

So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.

So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess

[titfairy]

Orm being all of us calling out Lada’s clownery 😭

[justaz]

thinking about arthur who has crazy quick reflexes and is a relatively light sleeper who woke up to the sound of someone in his room and saw merlin crouched down messing with his keys before softly asking “whatre you doing?…before breakfast?”

[side-of-honey]

Sorry for being kinda dead lately it's been hard to motivate myself to make full pieces ToT Have some doodles in the meantime tho. I enjoyed the purple game big surprise from the portal fan I know

[vampiresinthedaylight]

my new favorite monster of the week battle manga, The Exorcist of Venice by radishanatomy

[jellykyunnie]

I love my comfort manhwa!

The comfort manhwa in question:

[trailerparkvampire]

i see people complain about fandom making remmick their "pathetic wet cat character" in the tag, as if we're doing it to woobify him, which is very funny to me cos like....SIR, WE BULLY HIM HERE.

[godtier]

if you told me in 2021 that I'd be emotionally invested in the story of a man buying a grocery store lobster with the intention to eat it only to then decide on a whim to keep it as a pet because he felt bad about how sad and weak it looked in the tank, which then turned into a 3-ish year long series of updates about his new enclosures and molting progress and his vibrant personality (for a lobster), with a health scare involving a dropped claw, ending on this very day with his sudden death during a molt, I would say

yes, that sounds exactly like something I'd become invested in and I'm now devastated thank you goodbye

[robotsafari]

SEVERANCE ✦

[turtleblogatlast]

Middle of the night thought that I may extrapolate on much, much later: The next iteration of Leo always has something about them that the previous iteration wanted or was denied of.

[iamundondewithoutyou]

come on in, the water's fine :)

[getyinyusedtoit]

i love hualian's specific brand of misunderstanding because it happens due to their internalized feelings of inadequacy and self denial, and these feelings remain self contained. there is no betrayal or argument of any kind, no big catalyst that changes the dynamic of their relationship in some awful way, no negative assumptions placed upon one by the other. they just happen as they are both testing the waters and working through what they're allowed to want, allowed to have while their individual inability to see themselves as worthy of taking want they want, of being loved gets in the way every time.

and it's so good, seeing them fumble these moments that are clearly veiled or outright confessions and yet continue to grow closer in spite of it. to watch them have this journey and watch them teach each other the things they themselves need to learn. it's good because centuries of self denial wouldn't go away overnight, no matter how perfectly they slot into each others lives. instead we get to see both of them learn that they can start to give and take what they want more and more over their journey, until it culminates in less of a confession and more of an acknowledgement, finally having the ability to reach out and embrace love you feel you don't deserve while also giving love to someone who equally fears they don't deserve it.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I wish I could just enjoy things!

[stayatsam]

transgender stuff in dragon age is nothing new i can't fathom how there's still a big enough group of gamers out there throwing fits over taash being nonbinary