#so like somebody needs to chill on projecting their feelings about shipping

[jamicha]

HELP! I ACCIDENTALLY ENGAGED IN FANDOM DISCOURSE !

somebody made a comment i dont like but it REAKED of internalized homophobia to me and weird projection and i couldn't contain the beast (stop myself from reply) and i may or may not have been a bit harsh and pointed out that fact. oops. i dont regret it but now ive decided to take this stance indefinitely til the day i die and i will die on this hill

(psst my full thoughts are in the tags if you wanna like look or smth)

[luffythinker]

Random Sasuke analysis cause you will hear me out and i appreciate it.

Like, Sasuke/Naruto love it to bits but i feel like Sasuke is so emotionally fucked that the concept of loving someone and being in a relationship with someone is two different things to him that he could do and being in a relationship with Sasuke is just having a friend that is learning how to be a person again but also he's like a little chill now but also freaks out at oddly specific situations that sometimes will kiss you on the lips. Im not saying i don't think Naruto and Sasuke could ever be together but if Naruto wanted a relationship that is what he's ever seen a relationship to be as or what he could do if given the chance to be in a relationship with anyone he couldn't have that with Sasuke because that's not Sasuke you know what i mean? Like Naruto's idea of being with Sasuke would be a certain thing and actually being with Sasuke would be different. somebody is gonna come for me for saying this but i stand by it. And Naruto he understands and knows things where Sasuke doesn't know how to do a lick of romance or a love action, he just got here his love actions are something that's being learned putting this in the perpective of lets say after everything happen they somehow allow him to roam free in the leaf dude has to re-learn emotions, re-learn how to talk to people and have normal conversations he's been gone emotionally and physcial for so long he needs friends father figures, mother figures and figuring out himself before he adds anyone to his equation and that's ok. I think this is why Sakura and him being together makes no sense to me, like it's cute it really is but after everything that happened do you think Sasuke would really? like he knows she likes him and he understands how to be the thing she wants maybe? but he can't bring himself to feel the emotions she wants him to feel and if he's there it's like the body is there and that's all, his heart isn't in it he could kiss her and it's just a kiss thats all our lips just touched are you happy? i guess im happy too it made serotonin so i assume im happy and it's because i kissed you and you liked it cause you smiled so i guess i will smile and be happy. he would do the same thing with Naruto but it would be slightly different cause Naruto and him are different. He kisses Naruto, our lips touched and it made you question several different factors and i saw that, lets do it again to make sure we felt the same thing.

i want a fanfiction that explores Sasuke emotionally coming to terms with things and re-learning how to be a living being cause i know he doesn't know how to do that anymore. Also totally a SasuNaru and Sakura but i super love Sasuke/Lee they could figure things out together can we call them as a ship Lions in love? thats so cute

thanks for coming to my tedtalk about how i feel about Sasuke

this fic is super famous in the naruto fandom but just in case you haven't read it, I'm gonna link here. It's not exactly what you mentioned, but i think it does touch on some of these topics

Now, to talk about sasuke:

I agree with you, Sasuke is a very complex person, after everything i don't think he would or could enter a relationship with anybody. He needs to relearn trust, love, faith, and everything, not only in himself, but also in relation to the world and others.

I understand what you said about Naruto having expectations and wanting a romance that looks like what he knows, but i think he would be open to trying anything along with Sasuke's boundaries and limits, because he just wants to be close to him in any way he can, even if it's not how he idealized before. Naruto is a very empathetic and respectful character i know he would do his best to help Sasuke during his journey of self-discovery, not necessarily as a lover, but as his best friend.

Both of them would have to learn what romance means for them and how they could create something with each other. Sasuke has a lot of issues he needs to work on, but i think sometimes having that steady person there means he has a safety net to rely on, something he did not have before.

I'm not gonna enter into sasusaku discourse now because i have way too many opinions on it but don't have the time right now, if you want to discuss more about them pls let me know!!

[m-questionnaire]

NaFM: Ch 9 (10?) and misc. thoughts

I don't count the prologue as the first chapter, so I guess it's chapter 9?

(This is a test post similar to those blogs. Simply curious to how it would work when I type my thoughts. Not bad so far lol)

Honestly, the chapter is going to be super long (40k+ words), and with that in mind, I'm sorta dreading how long the chapter covering the 5th yr will be. I feel sorta bad for the readers (srry, if u do read this lol), but I also don't care much cuz I'm sticking to the format of 1 chapter per school yr.

I've been fluctuating between working on Not a Future Missus and continuing planning this x-over fic I have posted (also on my AO3) for two diff. fandoms. Gosh, I also have so many other ideas for HP fics, including a Tom Riddle Sr-centric fic (one of those what-ifs in which Sr. raises pre-Voldy Tom) and a Drarry fic with the Veela!Draco trope (or a Veela!Draco fic with Drarry?), both of which I'm likely to type out; there's also a possible "spin-off" w/ NaFM, but employing time travel??? Idek anymore lol! But goodness the HP world has so much potential despite its numerous controversies (which I won't bring up cuz I'm not looking to start a war).

And sadly (maybe not for some ppl), no Dramione plans as of yet. Yes, I ship it as much as Drarry (don't hate on me now, or at least do it without a word cuz I'm a multi-shipper who refuses to fight over ships), though I haven't been reading much Dramione fics nowadays... or Drarry, since I fandom jump quite a bit.

Anyway, maybe I'll get rid of some scenes, or I'll keep it as it is (my fic, my management muhaha), but I maybe possibly probably perhaps should just make Harry and Ella/fem!Draco kiss each other and type the "23 yrs later" epilogue and be done with the fic LMAO! (April 1, 2024 plans???? If it's still incomplete by then???)

What hobbies do I even have at this point, besides reading/writing fanfics? The occasional doodle/drawing, certainly. And maintaining my Duolingo streak????

To whoever reads this honest-to-goodness sorta-long post, srry for the chaotic writing/typing! Just blurting this out before sleepy time LOL! (Sleep deprivation sure is making me taaalk and I'm probably gonna cringe the next time I see this if ever lmaoo)

Well, if anyone reading this post (and my fic) has proceeded this far, have a preview I may/may not include/edit for the next chapter!

     “What’s the point of this task if we can’t even watch?” Ella grumbled as she glared at the lake. The waters were still as the second task progressed, with only an occasional ripple on the surface. The crowd chattered as they awaited the champions, but Ella was growing impatient.      It had been months since the Yule Ball, and the Scottish Highlands were slowly readying for the coming spring. There was still a noticeable chill in the air, but that didn’t stop the continuation of the Triwizard Tournament. The second task had begun half an hour ago, and to say the least, the surface-dwelling spectators were growing bored.      “If only they used Muggle filming methods,” Tracey said disappointedly from Ella’s right side. “They have these cameras, and you can connect them to these screens that project what’s happening through the lenses. It’s like our moving pictures, but everything happens in real time. I’ve been told about them sometimes.”      “Somebody needs to invent a spell like that if they haven’t already,” Ella said.       Casual conversations continued as time passed. At this point, everyone was preoccupied with each other, with only a few occasional glances towards the water. During the wait, Pansy ended up braiding Ella’s hair, before tying it and switching to Daphne. Why everyone had to get up at nine o’clock in the morning to stand in the cold and watch a lake was Ella’s main concern, but this was one of the more boring days compared to the last few years.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

For the Ship Ask...talk to me about Uhura & Spock.

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT! I didn't expect anybody to ask me about this one in 2022, but I'm glad that you did, because I really don't get to talk about them as much as I loved to do, because I don't really know anybody in the fandom anymore.

SHIP IT. BIG SHIP IT.

1. What made me ship it?

Uhura and Spock were one of my first unconscious ships. I liked them together at a pretty young age and didn't really know the concept of shipping or anything of that sort, because I was a kid. But, I think what made me ship it was that, as a kid with a huge crush on Spock and somebody really excited to see a Black lady in space, I most likely projected. (But also, they had a bit of rapport in TOS that I likely noticed and categorized in a girl + boy way doable for my brain at the time). Whenever the reboot came out in 2009, that was the first time I began sharing fan fiction with a fandom and the first fandom that I made online friends with as opposed to talking about stuff at school or with people I hung out with from work and the bar and stuff. So, in a way, it sometimes feels like my first fandom a lot of the time, despite having detached myself from Star Trek fans I knew in real life because... rabid. Jesus.

I have a special place in my heart for Uhura and Spock always, even being a multishipper and shipping both of them with others at times. They're my primary there and I've been able to envision them since I was a kid.

2. What are my favorite things about the ship?

I enjoyed the fact that while you'd often see Spock (sometimes) come off as a bit of a rude person in our human society, he was always honest and his honest thoughts towards her were always really nice ones. You'd even see him appear to enjoy her company at times.

Skip to AOS, and they're canonically involved - he backs her up when put in the position to do so and you get to actually SEE him be vulnerable with a person he's involved with instead of having to make it up in your mind like so many of us had to do for decades of Star Trek shipping prior to the establishment of this romantic connection in the reboot.

I love relationships between people who aren't living solely to connect with others and have a relationship. I like to see two people who could take it or leave it, but have chosen to work with each other and to put into it what they need, and be honest when that isn't there. I'm not a romantic. I'm a realist who sometimes enjoys romance, so they work perfectly in that they aren't fluffy, all over each other and going on epic feats of love and affection, BUT, they will rush to each other's aid when needed and be passionate about that.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion that I have on this ship?

Well, I don't talk to enough trekkies to know what's popular or not, but if I had to think of something that I could remember seeing/not seeing, I would say that I think more people view them in this light where Uhura would either tire of his Vulcan ways and want to have something more emotional or affectionate?

I think that Uhura would be more likely to be chill with a lot of the toned down areas of his being and as a skilled communicator, use everything, not just his words to assess his emotions. And he has so much of them, as a Vulcan, just doesn't react on those as much, but I think she would always see and know what's going on in there, and not be confused, turned off, insecure, or whatever else, for the most part.

Damn... I miss them!

[frogsmulder]

Maybe There’s Hope: chpt 5 Under the Midnight Moon

Starting from the final events of 09x20 The Truth,  Mulder and Scully tackle their new reality as fugitives. When they  finally settle into things, Scully finds out she is pregnant again. A canon divergent AU where I thought, what if Scully got pregnant whilst on the run instead of at the end of season 11?

3.7k words; rated t; tagging @today-in-fic; read on ao3

The night was mild but the coastal breeze had its biting edge. Nipping at Mulder's toes, it reminded him that he really was in Mazatlán, Mexico, and the beauty of the sky and the sea softly roaring wasn't just a lyrical dream. The music from the clubs on the promenade pulsed through the air; a low hum by the time it reached the beach. He sat on one of the blankets from the car laid out over the soft dips and mounds of the sand, guarding Scully's socks and shoes and Moby as he watched her. Scully, ever his lyrical dream, paddled at the shore, not caring for the power of the elements, but liberated by the tug of the tide. In the candescence of the moon, her blonde hair was illuminated an ethereal silver like a halo, gently billowing in the breeze. Her pants were turned up, the waves cresting and crashing at her feet, the sand no doubt sifting through her bare toes as whisps of seaweed floated at her ankles. There was a lightness to her step that made everyone she took look like a dance of her spirit. Beside her, Emily was jumping over the waves as they rolled in. Her little feet made no splashes in the water but she was giggling and skipping all the same. His heart ached with contentment to see them both enjoy a moment of happiness. Gazing up at the black night sky littered with the warmth of orange light pollution, he thanked the far-off, scattered stars, knowing whoever was up there had smiled on him with mercy.

 Man, you're properly screwed.

The three musketeers appeared behind him with the dulcet tones of Frohike carrying on the wind.

Yeah, dude, you can't keep living like this, Langley added.

"Like what?" Mulder asked defensively.

Byers sat down in front of Mulder and clasped his hands. What the others were trying so eloquently say is that you need to tell her about us.

Mulder rubbed his face in his hands. With his sight darkened, he couldn't tell that the trio was there like they had simply blinked out of existence– no presence, no warmth, no sound of breath greeted him. He was chasing visions in his own head again. He took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can do that to her."

Frohike sympathetically tried to pat his shoulder. Mulder, we had a deal: if you don't treat the lady right, I get to make a pass.

Mulder scrunched his nose. "I don't ever remember making that deal."

 He's right, Frohike, that never happened.

Shut up, Langley, he warned. I might be dead, but I'm no less of a catch.

Because you looked like a wet fish while you were still alive, Langley jibed.

Mulder chuckled, "I didn't even have to say it."

He looked up to see Scully walking back up the beach towards him, a peaceful smile playing on her lips. The reflection of the ocean still twinkled beyond the infinite blue of her eyes. He felt as though he had taken a lungful of seawater, something like an intoxicating potion swirling around his insides, polishing unbridled emotion.

"Talking to yourself again?" she asked cheerfully, pulling a stray strand of hair from her curling lips, blissfully unaware of the company he held.

Beaming up at her, he joked, "One day, they'll lock me up for it."

Come on, man! Frohike exclaimed accompanied by a reprimanding, Mulder... from Byers.

Scully's face fell, a flash of pain darting behind those endless oceans, suddenly turning the air sombre. All at once, the imaginary taste of salt on his tongue spoilt and dried his mouth.

"Please don't say that," she said calmly, her voice a mask free of malice or vulnerability.

"Sorry, I forget," he muttered.

The trio moved out the way as Scully unknowingly walked between them and sat beside Mulder. "It's okay," she murmured, eyes drawn to the water.

Frohike, Byers, and Langley all looked at him expectantly. He ignored them indignantly and laid down with his head in Scully's lap, shuffling on the scratchy blanket to get comfortable. She idly stroked her fingers through his hair, fingertips cool against his side-burns. He shivered from the chill of her touch, but leaned into her affection, letting the tingles shoot down his spine.

Frohike groaned exasperatedly. Let's leave the two lovebirds to it, he said, frowning at Mulder and gesturing for the others to follow. I'm sure he'll tell her eventually.

Mulder chuckled at him and the disgruntled expression on his face as he walked out of sight.

"Are you okay?" Scully asked, a purring lilt to her voice.

"Yeah," he sighed, then nestled further into the cradle of her lap.

She hummed contentedly, continuing to draw waves through his hair. Her stare was fixed not on him, but following the line of the horizon where cargo ships were dotted like tiny toys. She was more peaceful, her spirit soothed for a few hours by the lullaby of the waves. Yet she still kept that part of her private. Her silhouette was stoic, not letting on what undercurrents pained her. He just felt like a sponge, absorbing all her hardship and mirroring it back to her. Her pain was his hurt; her wounds why he wept.

Mulder placed his hand on top of hers by his head, nuzzling his cheek warmly into her palm. "I like it when you're like this," he mused.

She cocked her head with curiosity. "Like what?"

"Carefree," he said simply.

"What do you mean?"

"I can feel you and you're the most relaxed I've ever seen you these last couple of months–" Turning, he sat up and cupped her cheek, holding her as if she were a delicate and intricate work of art, constantly shifting and changing, swirling and charming him with her mystery. He watched the puzzle pieces in her eyes and her jaw shift and tighten. He smoothed her porcelain skin over with his thumb, her cheeks rosy from the chill, no longer thawed by her constant smile. "–But you're still putting on a strong face."

"What do you mean?" she asked again below her breath.

He brought their foreheads together, noses kissing like Eskimos', daring to say what had been on his mind since they had first driven out of New Mexico. "I know you're coping, but it's killing me watching you close off from the world. I don't know how long I can wait for you while I'm in the dark, not knowing what monsters you're fighting. Seeing you then, it was like I got the old, happy Scully back for a moment."

Carefully, she spoke, "It's never been my intention to hurt you. I'm sorry if I've made you feel that way. I, uh, don't think I need to tell you how hard I have found this."

"I know, I'm sorry." Sorry for everything. Sorry that she needed to put up her ten-foot fences. He realised that it was his fault. "I'm selfish for wanting more from you," he mumbled and clenched his eyes closed, willing away the hot sting that tormented him. The air shifted around him: the compress to his forehead vanished, the warmth of a small hand appeared against his other cheek, tending to a tear with a delicate swipe.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you either..." he whispered and waited. Waited for her exclamation of anger; her disappointment; her harsh words telling him that they were nothing if they couldn't trust each other. Yet none of it came. He stumbled over how to order his thoughts. "There are so many things in my head, Scully..."

He slowly opened his eyes to see her piercing ones mere inches from his face. The faint creases that defined them, like fine brushstrokes on the pale canvas of her skin, suddenly became crisp with clarity. Behind her, the rest of the world remained a dark blur, obscured and fading into oblivion. It looked a lot like the inside of his mind: a dark swimming void that only focused to a sharp point when he could see his touchstone.

"I can see people I shouldn't..." he started, his voice strangely calm and docile. Finally saying the words, he felt the ache in his chest alleviate. Keeping her face in focus, he grounded himself in the detail of her laugh lines, having watched them grow deeper over the years. He recalled a time not too long ago when the sole reason he had been placed on this planet seemed to be to make them appear. But that was before he had been abducted; before he'd died; before he'd brought back souls with him from the other side.

"They come to me, talk to me, and I can't tell if it's real or a sick and twisted projection of my subconscious. The Smoking Man, Langley, Frohike, Byers... Emily... I want to believe they are real... but I– I–" he shook his head desperately– "I don't know what to believe."

Scully nodded, unsurprised that the trauma he had seen had manifested into monsters of his own, yet she was surprised that she hadn't thought of the possibility. In the last couple of months, it had been him catching her when she fell, him holding her together when she broke apart. He had been her silent buttress supporting her, for which she was eternally grateful. She knew he suffered too, but he had taken their whole situation in his stride. Yet she had been stupid to think that he was doing okay. In her own world of survival, she had been so disconnected from reality, so ignorant. She should have picked up on the signs: the far off look he'd get like he was watching something else; mumbling to himself like he was with somebody else. Tiny, minuscule things, that she had shrugged off one at a time, all came tumbling together like a tonne of bricks. She bit her lip but she wanted to kick herself.

Brushing back Mulder's shaggy fringe out of his grey-hazel eyes, she glimpsed his soul beneath, entirely trusting, entirely innocent. A pang of guilt hit her deep down that she could have possibly failed him. She sat up, her hands falling into her lap, and sighed.

"I could tell you that stimulating different areas of the brain can provoke auditory and visual hallucinations, that extreme conditions have been known to create the sensation of a 'third person'. But I think the answer is a lot simpler than that: I think it's stress." She gaged his reaction, knowing it was probably not what he wanted to hear, but he continued to listen intently, head softly bobbing with everything she said. She took a deep breath. "The last few years have been hard– to put it lightly. There were days where I couldn't stop wondering what I was going to do without you–"

He smiled at that and she felt a similar one quietly creep into the corners of her mouth, mirroring him.

"–You know, when you weren't there, I used to pretend you were and talk to you as if you were in the room with me. Maybe the ghosts you see are just a comfort and a way to rationalise things."

"Is that your diagnosis, Doc?" he smirked. "Stress?"

Scully could see he was trying to laugh it off and she wished the answer was that simple, but stress didn't cause as sophisticated hallucinations as he was describing– exacerbate the symptoms maybe, but not cause. But she couldn't tell him that and cause undue worry without any chance of finding a real answer. She couldn't put him in more pain. It was better that she alone worried for him rather than them both be uselessly anxious.

"Have you been sleeping properly?" She lifted his fringe back again, checking for signs of tiredness in his eyes. There were dark circles under them, but no more so than usual and they weren't bloodshot.

"Do I ever?" he said as light-heartedly as possible.

She couldn't help but smile a little, letting his hair flop back into place once satisfied. Sighing, she asked more quietly, "You've seen Emily?"

She was aware that she was indulging in a foolish fantasy, but the possibility made her heart race. Rationally, the hallucinations Mulder had would be meaningless. Perhaps it was only curiosity driving her, but the clenching in her chest told her it was more than that. It had been so long since she'd seen Emily's sweet smiling face, that she needed to know, and more than a small part of her wanted to believe.

"Yeah..." Wanting to give Scully some sort of meaning, he added, "She's always looking out for you."

"I miss them both," she whispered.

"Yeah, me too."

The silence between them was filled with the chorus of waves crashing. Like their unspoken words, they tumbled with taut energy until they finally broke on the sand. Mulder wrapped his arms around her and brought them both gently down to lay on the blanket. He could see her mother's guilt plain as day and wished he could wash those fears away for her as effortlessly as she could put his mind at ease. Just looking at her, his troubles seemed to dissipate. Everything else could blur at the seams, fray and untangle, darken into that oblivion, and it would all be okay because Scully would be there.

"I don't know if I've ever told you this, Scully, but I always sleep better when you're near me."

"No, you haven't." She pursed her lips simperingly... "But I know."

He traced his thumb along the blush of her cheek and followed the line of her jaw like brushstrokes on a canvas. He soothed her worry with the repeated motion, watching the wrinkles of her forehead soften. He followed the ups and downs of her nose and cheekbones sculpted from the finest clay. He fell into the endless oceans in the depths of her eyes. She was like a journey in which he always got lost. An epic he would never tire of exploring. Like the old days back on the Vineyard, climbing and cycling and adventuring until the sun kissed the horizon and he was late home for dinner.

He chuckled: he was gazing again.

"Do you remember the last time we were by the sea?" he asked abruptly, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "Because I do-- fondly."

Scully hummed, rolling onto her back to look up at the heavens. "The City of Angels. I seem to remember something about strawberries, champagne, and phone calls from bubble baths."

"I seem to remember a bit more than that..."

"There was also the minibar we raided," she offered with a quirk of her eyebrow.

"Before that, do you remember we took our shoes off and walked along the beach?" He sat up on one elbow, facing her. "The stars were out that night like tonight, and I remember thinking, loving you was the best thing I ever decided upon."

Scully turned to meet his gaze with a soft smile of wonderment.

"There was something I regret not doing last time and I want to make it right," he said and stood up, dusting himself off. He held out his hand for her, and she sat up, tilting her head, bemused.

He took a deep breath. "Would you do the honour of letting me have this dance?"

"Always," she smiled, stretching up to grasp his fingers just out of reach. He grabbed her hands and hoisted her up. Wrapping one arm around her waist, Mulder smiled as his hand found that familiar place to rest. Gently entwining his other hand with hers, he pulled her flush against his chest, the heat of her body a comforting blanket against the chill of the night.

Scully winced, hissing through clenched teeth at the press upon her own chest. He immediately relaxed his hold, sensing something was wrong.

"Sorry, my breasts have been a bit tender lately," she explained.

He nodded, allowing a gap between them. "Okay, stand on my feet," he instructed.

She gave him a questioning look.

"Trust me," he chuckled, and she stepped tentatively on top of his own bare feet. "Okay?"

"Yeah, I got it," she laughed, wobbling slightly to keep her balance. Mulder started stepping to an imaginary 3|4 beat, wiggling his toes as their dance took them across the sand. Scully hung closer to him as they waltzed, despite the ache, resting her ear to the soothing metronome of his heart beneath his chest. The da-dum that conducted them pulsed with a vibrancy of life that she had forgotten was possible. For the first time in a long time, Scully felt alive and truly living. She took in a deep breath of seaside air, tasting the tang of salt in the back of her throat. Burying her nose to where his sternum lay clothed beneath his t-shirt, she inhaled again, a deep breath in exchange for a giggle that slipped past her lips. Everything felt surreal and very real all at once.

"Forward, side, close. Back, side, close," he muttered under his breath repeatedly. It wasn't as graceful as he had envisioned it all those years ago, the weight Scully on his feet rendering it more of a charming clomp than the moonlit gentle sway he had hoped.

Her nose peaked upward followed by two bright eyes that held him in regard. "When did you learn to dance?" she asked.

"My mother used to bring us along to her ballroom classes. It wasn't the same as baseball, the thrill of standing in the batter's box, waiting to strike the ball. But I liked it."

His eyes shone with the far-off light of that precious time Before. Memories of walking down to the local village hall with his mother when he was younger danced with nostalgia like the flickering of a film reel in his mind's eye. He fondly remembered having to drag Samantha along, who'd rather stay at home and play Stratego; except their father was always away on business so they had to go.

Scully smiled up at him. "Do all your teaching stunts involve being pressed so close together?"

He gave an honest laugh. "Only when I'm teaching you. You think you got this now?"

"Back, side, close. Forward, side, close," she narrated, and he stopped to let her get off his feet.

"Now put your feet between mine, with one foot on the outside... No, the other one." A little grin worked its way into the corner of his mouth and he asked, "Ready?"

She nodded, following his lead as he slowly started to dance again. He took his time gently easing her into the lilting rhythm, allowing her to catch up with him and bracing her when she stumbled. Despite herself, Scully let out another light laugh, flowing with a newfound grace in his arms. Sighing, aware of herself, Scully laid her head against his chest again. "I bet all the girls must have loved you at Oxford."

She felt a low chuckle rumble through him.

"No?" She looked up in surprise.

"Not once they got to know me," he answered with an innocent shrug. "I was good at scaring them away... One way or another."

"I'm sure that isn't true. And anyway, wasn't Phoebe Green your girlfriend?"

He shook his head: of course she would remember. "Were you seriously jealous of her?"

She sucked in a telling breath. "No... I just didn't like how she sauntered in thinking she could use you," she said honestly, but in hindsight, it would be futile to refuse that seeing them dance more intimately yet than their waltz made her gut clench for other reasons.

Mulder squeezed her hand. "Scully, she couldn't even lift a finger to hold a candle to you."

"I didn't like seeing you hurt."

"Hey, it doesn't matter now. I'm here. You're here. I'm dancing with my beautiful wife," he smirked.

"You wish," she quipped with mirth, but the idea was a thrilling impossibility that made butterflies out of her belly.

"She is beautiful," he insisted and spun her out of hold.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

She folded back into his arms.

"I'm a lucky man to be gifted with such a sight."

She gazed upwards.

"Love is blind."

"The heart knows best," he whispered, leaning down, a hair's breadth from her face, hesitant and seeking permission.

Scully wasn't sure when they had stopped but she was aware that her toes were curling through the sand, grounding her whilst Mulder's lips beckoned her to fly. He was gentle, but with them, he persuaded her to dive a little deeper, fall a little harder, fly a little higher. When met with his pleading tongue, she took a leap of indulgence until the will for oxygen became too strong. Breaking from the kiss and her consuming haze, she smiled shyly. "Mulder... If you kiss me like that..."

"What?" he husked, forehead resting against hers.

"We'll have sand in places we don't particularly want."

"We have a blanket," he helpfully reminded her.

"Mulder!" she giggled.

He shook his head, rubbing his forehead against hers as he thought. Suddenly, he straightened with an idea; a mischievous grin taking over his countenance. "I want to get strawberries first."

A look of surprise lit her features. "Really?"

"Yeah, we can afford to splurge a little for strawberries."

Scully hummed in agreement; the thought of big, red, fresh, juicy strawberries whetting her appetite. She was suddenly met with the craving for cream as well and licked her lips. "I always knew you'd get me into trouble, Agent Mulder."

"As if you weren't capable of that yourself, Doctor Scully," he teased, and she rolled her eyes in good humour.

"I love you," she whispered for only him to hear, the weight of the words hanging in her voice. The ears of the sea and the stars were not privy to her words, not even God; they were the only two in their own world. Slowly, they swayed together in an embrace that was everything; warming each other from the darkness of the night; shielding each other from the darkness that followed them. Yet Scully allowed herself to worry about Mulder and, for the countless time that night, held him just a little closer.

[oddone95]

The Cycle of Hatred in Naruto fandom.

Ok, so I just wanted to write a little post on why this fandom (Naruto fandom that is) needs to chill and stop hating on each other so much. But first, let’s get clear in our minds that “Naruto” is a business franchise, and the goal of any business venture is to earn 💰. Earn money by evoking emotions in you. Now that this is clear, let’s move on. This will be a short (not rant) but rather advise to the various “camps” in this community.

1. To the remaining NaruSaku bunch:

Yes, I get it, you’re disappointed with the ending. Yes, you wanted Naruto with Sakura and apparently you cannot see how in the world NaruHina even happened. But if you took your bias out for a bit, you would see that pairing Naruto with Hinata was THE ONLY positive outcome for Naruto romance-wise. Or did you really want Naruto to end up with a “prize” that never even ONCE expressed her desire to be with him romantically in any way, shape or form. And don’t bring up the fake confession because this is all that is. FAKE. To save the love of her life from sinking into darkness. And how can you go around Hinata’s heartfelt confession during the Pein arc? So, please STOP insulting Hinata and her fans - let people enjoy the canon pairings that were planned from the beginning of serialisation of the project.

2. To the very vocal SNS community:

I’ll just keep it simple. If Masashi Kishimoto wanted this manga to be shonen-ai or yaoi, he would’ve acted on it. Editor or not, Kishi stands behind his story. He always has. And please don’t bring the supposed “homophobia” into this. Homophobia is a very serious rl issue that affects millions of people worldwide and you’re NOT helping the cause by insulting and hating on people enjoying the het canon pairings of Narutoverse. You do realize that your rants about it only trigger more hate towards yourselves and the cycle of hatred goes on. So we all end up bashing real living breathing humans “for the sake” of inked characters.. Let it sink in.

3. To the die hard SasuKarin minority:

Bruh.. There’s so much I’d like to bring up here but I’ll stick to basics. Firstly, your claim to be Sasuke fans is ridiculous because you seem to view him as a mindless, powerless beta male that was harassed by a woman SO HARD that he decided to give it to her.. really?! Is that who you think he is? Because that’s what you all seem to claim by saying that “Sakura chased after him”. You take that line from Gaiden and take it completely out of context. Do you know ANYTHING about Sasuke? Anything at all? If there’s anything manga taught us about his character is that Sasuke Uchiha acts as he pleases. He did so when he first left the village, he did so when he killed Orochimaru, he did so when he fought with Naruto, he did so when he willingly gave up his old worldview, and he did so when he married his wife. And you bring up “rape” into the matter. Seriously?! Do I need to bring up the sweaty t-shirts, licking somebody all over and ravaging them in their sleep? Do I? Thankfully, Karin redeemed herself by worrying about Sasuke’s wife well-being enough to deliver her baby and by thinking about HER happiness in Sasuke Shinden. She clearly cares about the Uchiha family wellbeing more than you do. She moved on!! So should you.

4. To NaruHina and SasuSaku respectively:

There is NO popularity contest. Man, I can’t believe we’ve got to this. There is absolutely NO popularity contest between Sakura and Hinata, neither there is for their romances. They’re different, just as the girls are different, and the boys are different. There is no such thing as a cookies cutter perfect romance. They’re written differently and I’m thankful to Kishimoto for that. I wouldn’t want every couples way to the altar copy-pasted. SS is angstier and more complicated. Their history is different. Yes. NH has been more subtle during the Shippuden but both pairings came together as was planned and we should feel proud and victorious that our ships made it to canon. But that’s too boring I guess. I guess tearing each other down is the new sport. So please tell me: what has Sakura ever done to Hinata except for being a good friend?! Same goes for Hinata. Can you put away your hate for Sakura/Hinata for one minute to appreciate the fact that the girls are ACTUALLY HAPPY! The way it was planned from the beginning. They’ve both suffered, ached and spilled tears for the men they love SO MUCH. And now they’re happy! Can’t we celebrate that?! This brings me to my next and final point.

5. To Sakura haters:

I’ll keep it brief. I honestly really truthfully DO NOT get WHY you hate on her so much.I REALLY DON’T.

5.1. For those of you who hate her for getting in the way of your ship, please see above. You really must either not have read the manga, or fanfiction.net is your source of truth. Hating her for being paired with Sasuke is same as hating Kishimoto for making Naruto a jinchuuriki because both canon facts were pre-planned by the author.

5.2. If you hate her for being mean to Naruto, then I suggest reading the manga past chapter 3 because this misconception gets debunked really quickly. You should stop refusing to accept the fact that Sakura really cares about Naruto as a friend and a precious teammate.

5.3. If you hate her for being “useless”, I don’t even know what to tell you because.. you know.. you don’t know the content of the manga called “Naruto” so why don’t you put away your bias for a minute and try to see what I see? All you have to do is clear your mind of all misconceptions and just read the manga with, you know, open mind?! To see how many lives she saved, how much of strength she has considering her humble beginnings, and how much valued she is in the village.

To the rest of Naruto fandom that gets swayed in every direction influenced by reviewers on social media, extremist shippers or even have trouble realizing that characters are fictional and nothing really happens to them unless it’s written into the canon verse by the author, I have one advice to you: please don’t let anyone’s opinions affect your judgement. YouTube reviewers are PAID to provoke and trigger you. They earn money by imposing THEIR ideas and theories onto YOU. Some of them bring their own life experiences into the discussion which only causes you to self-insert.

Naruto is an awesome manga! It deals with such important issues and carries such a positive message! Please, STOP ruining it by pointless wars that only fuel more hate!

Now. Going back to my first point about the money. Anime production studios have a huuuge interest in you staying glued to the screens. They’ll do anything to provoke you to talk about whatever happens on screen. They will bring their own bias into the mix, and fuel this madness even more. For the anime only fans I will say that you’re doing a huge disservice to yourself and to the work of art that “Naruto” is by only watching anime. It adds another layer of interpretation thus confusing you even more. Please, read the manga! It’s so worth it!

[delusion-of-negation]

top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

Dick and Jason are Robins at the same time

(titans ‘verse. au after 1.06)

(tagging @superohclair and @cautiousamber!)

-

1.

dick has to admit that it’s not the worst arrangement: jason continues to be robin in gotham, and dick travels across the country with his little family while running from a homicidal cult, wearing the costume every now and then when he has no choice but to fight. this way batman is covered, dick still has access to some advanced gear and weaponry now that he needs it, and internet sleuths are kept on their toes when robin shows up in different ends of the country on the same day.

so what if reading news coverage of batman and robin in gotham feels like being punched in the chest, or hearing jason’s stories about learning new things from bruce everyday makes dick want to scream into a pillow? he is fine with this.

he. is. fine--

(kory knows he’s fraying at the edges. she watches, and she says nothing.)

2.

the fight to help rachel and defeat trigon is long and hard, and involves painstakingly unravelling kory’s memories. they manage to find her spaceship, and it becomes their base for a good long while. they stay there long enough that dick loses some of the tension that’s had him on edge for... well. the better part of the last five years, to be honest.

dick begins training rachel and gar in earnest. kory is able to coax some memories of tamaranean cuisine and culture out, and dick is reminded more and more of the team that he lost everyday. despite his best efforts he’s invested now. he cooks and dances with kory (good thing he’s so flexible because the tamaranean version of a waltz is like a particularly sadistic game of twister), teaches rachel algebra and does yoga with gar. he even manages to forget about bruce for a bit.

jason shows up quite often when he figures out where they’re based, and after some initial tension, he becomes an unofficial member of their team (though at this stage dick is still reluctant to use that word). dick and jason patrol in the nearby city some nights, then go for ice cream later. dick’s even starting to see the strategic (and frankly comedic) potential of two robins on the same patrol. 

time and familiarity softens how dick perceives jason: less reckless asshole and more bright young kid full of curiosity and a need to prove himself. he continues to tend towards gratuitous violence, but dick learns his triggers and helps jason recognise them as well. he soaks up the info on alien cultures and battles on kory’s ship faster than dick himself could hope to, and there is a terrible sort of tenderness to how he talks to the people he saves while on patrol. terrible, dick thinks, because he doesn’t know if he comes across like that now at all: soft and empathetic instead of aloof and shaking, too caught up in his own neuroses.

here’s the thing, the crux of it, the faultline that’s always threatening to break dick apart: he’s so afraid that he’s taken robin, his legacy, the ideals and persona that he modelled as a tribute to his parents, and made it into something so dark and broken that only batman could pass it on. jason showing up as his replacement one day only seemed to affirm that fear. but now, swinging through the skies with this kid who’s taken robin as an opportunity to learn and grow and be better, dick’s reminded of the best of his early days in the costume. 

for the first time in what feels like forever, dick feels good about putting on the robin costume again.

3.

(are you asking if dick tried to call home? of course he did. he chickens out and cuts the call to bruce after only a few rings, and feels a sad sort of vindication in noticing how bruce never attempts to call him back.

alfred picks up his call on the second ring, and dick feels like the smallest person in the world when he hears the genuine warmth, joy and relief in alfred’s voice as he greets him. there’s no excuse for dick refusing to talk to the man that practically raised him after his parents died and he knows it. 

they talk for an hours while skirting around anything to do with bruce, which is an impressive feat all in itself. they finally talk about jason, and there’s a wistful sort of fondness in alfred’s voice as he says, “you’ve been a good influence on master jason.”

dick laughs. “he’s been a good influence on me.” it’s the first time he’s said it loud, but it feels true.

“you mustn’t underestimate the ways in which you change people, master dick,” alfred says. “you have been a light in our lives for so long.”

dick’s jaw clenches. all his memories of batman smudge together in never-ending shadow; when he thinks of bruce, he can only remember that remote expression on his face, that expression dick can project all his disgust and loathing and disappointment onto. maybe people should start considering how they influence me, dick wants to say. sometimes i can’t recognise who i’m seeing in the mirror every day and other times i hate him so much i want to--

“i miss you, alf,” he says instead, softly.

“my dear boy,” alfred starts, but he sounds choked. it’s ok. dick understands.)

4.

things get worse, quickly. their enemies find and destroy their spaceship base, and they’re not nearly ready to take on trigon yet. they’re on the run again, alternating between motel rooms and empty warehouses. 

the cult finally catches up to them; they are kidnapped and tortured for days in an abandoned asylum. they eventually escape, the building and the organisation in flames behind them, but the scars from the experience are deep: rachel is anxious and tearful almost all the time, gar’s usual cheer is replaced by a quiet, simmering self-loathing, kory refuses to talk about her experience but flinches at every touch, and dick... he feels like he’s been flayed, his mind and body laid raw and bleeding until nothing recognisable, nothing human is left. he can’t think, he can barely feel. half the time it feels like he’s observing what’s happening to him like it’s happening to somebody else entirely.

they’re a mess. he can’t do this, not when he feels like--like this. he resists calling anybody for help, but one night he breaks down and calls donna. he doesn’t remember what he says on the call, but wakes up the next morning, eyes raw, tear tracks on his face, and a text from donna that says: i’ll be there in a day. stay put, bw,

“wow you’re a mess,” jason says from a corner of the room. any other time, dick would be on his feet, demanding to know how jason found them. now though, he’s feeling out of his body again, and so he says, “i kind of am, aren’t i?” and watches the words float, parting the air above him.

jason sighs.

being with donna helps get his head on straight, even though at first her appearance threatened to bring back even more traumatic memories. she’s a soothing, sobering presence not just for him, but for the others as well. they continue to motel-hop as they prepare for their big final battle against trigon.

jason continues to find them, somehow. (dick wouldn’t put installing a tracker on one of them beyond him, but he’s much too tired to feel angry about that.) he chats with dick and sometimes they bond by watching a movie together or swinging from buildings in the chill, crisp night air, jason’s cackling laugh echoing in dick’s ears. 

jason always leaves as quickly as he appears, but dick is grateful for his presence.

5.

they defeat trigon, and there’s a party. even hank and dawn show up. jason is conspicuous in his absence.

after several unanswered texts and calls, dick bites the bullet and calls alfred. “hey alf,” he says when the man picks up, “is jason there?”

there’s a long pause at the other end of the line. then: “did master bruce not tell you?” his voice sounds uncharacteristically hoarse.

dick’s stomach starts to sink. he steps away from the others and into a quiet room. “tell me what?”

“master jason...” alfred sighs. “he--he was killed by the joker two months ago. the funeral was last week.”

dick stumbles back to sit on the bed. the phone threatens to fall from his numb fingers even while his heart thunders against his ribs. “that’s impossible,” he manages. “i saw him five days ago. we saw--” there’s a hysterical laugh building in his chest, howling like a thunderstorm, “fuck we saw moulin rogue together. he told me how much he fucking loves musicals, i--”

alfred’s voice is suddenly distant and tinny. dick looks down to see his phone on the floor. he’s suddenly very, very aware of the dryness of his palms, the hot flush at the tips of his ears, the tears that are starting to slide down his cheeks, the way his lungs are burning with shock and grief and rage--

“hey, dickie,” jason says, smiling at him. “glad you finally caught up.”

-

( send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons! )

[jcmorrigan]

Do you support anti-harassment and pro-shipping?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: This is an issue I’ve been monitoring and grappling with for a long time, and I feel like while my core philosophy has been the same for a while now, the nuances I’ve held shift every so often. I don’t identify as an anti. I just don’t. I think shipping things - be it incest, adult/minor, or one of the many flavors of abusive - is an ENTIRELY separate issue from wanting to do that IRL. I think sometimes people just want to write taboo topics for various reasons. Because the topics themselves are taboo and that’s interesting, because they offer methods of coping, even because some people are kinda into projecting upon the person on the losing end of the power dynamic and being dominated and kicked around, since that’s not something you should really chase in real life (unless it’s during a roleplay with a network of safewords).

There are many ships I think are gross, but I don’t want people to stop shipping them because I don’t like them. I don’t like ships that involve anyone under 13 with anyone over 18. I don’t like ships that involve anyone under 18 with anyone over 30. (Aging up is a whole different matter; if you write the younger character older and legitimately have them behave the way you think they would as an adult, it’s all good.) I REALLY don’t like ships where a character is either confirmed homosexual or only shown onscreen to be attracted to the same gender in a big-deal reveal sort of way (if the character has crushes on many genders or the creator uses Word of God to say they’re bi/pan, it’s fine) and the ship involves putting them with someone of the opposite gender (shipping them with enbies is fine). And no, I don’t think it’s a double standard that I sometimes like to do same-sex ships for characters who are coded very very straight. But this is all to do with my tastes and beliefs, not with what I think the rest of you all should do. If you like something that falls in my personal no-no category, then go ahead and do it. I’ll decide how much I want to interact with you, and that says more about our potential chemistry as a unit than it does about you as a person. And if you have boundaries yourself - if age-gap ships skeeve you out - then that doesn’t make you a bad person or even an anti! Just block as needed, talk to friends if you feel betrayed by them, and recognize what it is you don’t like and that you don’t have to like it.

Selfshipping? Do what you want. Again, I might personally have reservations about shipping with somebody too young (I actually perceived my own main f/o as in his twenties when I first watched his source, then saw Word of God say he was NINETEEN actually, even though that invalidates many many jokes about how he’s bad at adulting, so I just said “fuck it” and he’s at least 24 to me because that makes more sense and is more of my comfort zone). But what I like shouldn’t dictate what YOU do. I might give you a little side-eye if you’re shipping with somebody young, but I don’t know your reasons for doing so and I don’t have the right to judge. I might distance myself from certain situations if I’m feeling skeeved out. Or I might not feel skeeved out depending on how it’s handled. I also again would raise a brow if you’re selfshipping with an opposite-gender gay character, but same principle: you have your reasons, you shouldn’t stop because some rando (me) has an issue with your ship, and if I have a problem with how you handle it, I’ll just peace out on my end and not make a deal out of it.

A lot of this comes from the fact that I have mega OCD and I already try to moralize everything I do and hyper-analyze my choices to make sure I am being a Good Person. If I try to follow the “rules” to make my ships palatable to everyone, then I start worrying that any deviation makes me unforgivable. The vast majority of ships in my deck are squeaky-clean and have no problems, but sometimes I’ll get, like...Ventus/Papyrus, where Ven is 15, and Papyrus is in age limbo but I always thought he was at least 18, and then I don’t want to spiral into a moral crisis because I really think it would be cute to put the anime boy with the skeleton and I think they’re both asexual anyway. Or when I aged up Zevon from Descendants in order to make him make more sense as Yzma’s son, and then I had to give him a ship with an adult and I found one I really like (Kamdor from Power Rangers). And this is not even scratching the very complex issue of “The writers of this piece of fiction were ACTUALLY horny for incest and I can see the subtext for it and now I gotta figure out what to do with this mess because I like the series and I do want the characters to have partners who will treat them right.”

That said...up until recently, I looked up to the more extreme proship community, even so far as to kinda be more of an “anti-anti.” But as time went on, that...didn’t seem to fit. I’ve unfollowed a few of those blogs now because first of all, proshipping as a “political party” seems to come with some things I don’t believe in, such as forming a parasocial relationship with AO3 or saying that freedom of fans to ship what they want means the creators of mainstream media should be allowed to portray whatever they want and that being “critical of media you consume” is an automatic dogwhistle for bullies. More importantly: I have at least one friend who I know leans more anti, and I value her a lot and I think it’s valid for her to have her boundaries. After a while, the things that anti-antis did to protect themselves from bullying started to feel a little bit like bullying right back. I can’t really call myself a traditional proshipper anymore, even though I’m definitely not an anti. But I don’t want to be an “anti-anti” either. Because actually, I USED to be an anti on a different social media platform long before Tumblr, and though I can’t tell you exactly why I was that way, I can understand what it’s like to feel that strongly about things that gross you out and want to get them out of your face. I don’t want to say I’m against a whole bunch of people who are probably as varied in intensity as proshippers are.

At the end of the day, what I want is for us all to CHILL OUT. Can we please, PLEASE just focus on having fun in whatever way that comes - problematic ships or no - so long as people IRL aren’t getting hurt? Can we respect that there are probably a LOT of people with OCD on social media who spiral easily if shamed too much (which is probably how the anti movement rose in the first place - I’m sure my anti phase was fueled by my secular scrupulosity)? Can we not assume that people who ship weird age gaps are Actual Pedophiles, which is an entirely separate issue? (Listen...I grew up in the Age of AkuRoku. I hated AkuRoku. But if all the AkuRoku shippers turned out to be pedos, well, the news sure didn’t cover it. I’m saying the majority of them didn’t. And it’s been a decade.) Can we not spread the fear of being cancelled or that having a certain fictional preference will ruin a budding friendship? Can we communicate with one another in private if a friend says or does something that makes you uncomfortable, such as shipping something that makes you question their moral stance? Can actual legitimate creators of media not take sides in the goddamn pro/anti war, thereby making groups of their fans feel alienated from being welcomed by the source? Can we just have fun PLEASE?

Also, just...stop fighting about Reylo. That’s the dumbest thing to fight over and we managed to somehow get the actual SW crew in on that dumbass fight. Some people like Reylo and some people hate Reylo and THAT’S IT. WE’RE DONE HERE.

It sure says something that I worry, before hitting the Post button, that this might ruin some of the relationships I have or inspire a mass exodus of the followers whose names I come to like seeing in my notifications. But it’s ultimately better for all of us if I’m honest.

[eusuntgratie]

D, H, I, N, & T because I am curious and greedy 😘

i love it 💜

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice) 

hmmm this is a good question. I can’t really ever get 100% behind a ship that’s like half of one of my OTP’s with somebody else. It’s not that I can’t like it, but it’s never endgame. So I’ve read and loved some great BuckyNat and I love this one fic where Steve and Nat sleep together as friends but I can’t like SHIP SHIP them because Stucky is embedded into my soul. I live for Stiles having a slutty phase and sleeping with the entire fucking world, so I’m cool with reading him with other people, but Sterek is always gonna be endgame for me. So yeah. I’m a sap, I guess. SamBucky is probably a good example of this. They’re cute and funny and people are gonna ship the shit out of them bc Mackie and Sebastian are hilarious together and they will actually interact on screen for more than three minutes (gasp!). And I get it! But... I can’t. Not really. I’m going down with that Stucky ship, man.

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.) 

oooooh another good one. TV Shows! So I’ve never been intense about a fandom except the MCU and then Teen Wolf. So I’m working with like 42 total minutes of screentime and approximately 19 words of dialog from Bucky in all of that. For my favorite character and half of my OTP. Which is fucked. We get some great scenes...but not very many of them. So it’s been fun to get into Teen Wolf which I’m still not even done watching. My OTP over there ALSO only has like 5 seconds of shared screentime, but there’s more little shit and more character development and more quirks and more randomness I can pick up on because there’s just more there to work with.

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

whole fandoms, no. but I’ve gotten good at blocking and unfollowing people because there’s a whole lot of drama and bullshit out there. I only really interact with a handful of people who are chill and lovely and I prefer it like that. Fandom is my happy place and my escape, so if people are ridiculous I’m pretty quick to tap out. I’m just here to reblog pretty gifs, keep up with my fave writers, chat about silly fandom things, and stare at hoechlin’s delicious thighs. bucky’s too. gotta love a man with nice thighs. what were we talking about?

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice) 

So in general, I ALWAYS want more accurate/authentic mental health representation, more bi/pan representation, and more characters that are just fuckin’ crazed by their horniness...I need be on your dick right now or I’m gonna DIE dramatics just peak thirst I love it.

Teen Wolf deals with mental health horribly (I’ll give that I appreciate that Stiles talks openly about having anxiety and panic attacks which is HUGE especially for a male character his age BUT) - ADHD is a joke, horror movie mental institution, a pretty girl kisses a boy to stop his panic attack (what), a character with HORRIFIC trauma treated as a joke and multiple other characters use that trauma or ignore it and trigger him, where to begin with Derek/Kate etc. etc. etc. so I’d really love to see more fic that addresses...any of that....well. And there is some great stuff out there! But I’d like to see more. Same with Stucky. Steve and Bucky have infinite trauma. Please let them deal with that.

I feel like every character on teen wolf is bi? Almost? So...gimme all of that. Always here for that.

OH MY GOD one more - ALWAYS give me more good kink. It is so fucking hard to find good well written kink and BDSM fic and I love it so much.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

There isn’t much that I’m so intense about I can read/think about/accept anything else. If a fic sets it up well enough I’ll happily go on the journey of Steve being a unicorn. You just gotta lay that fuckin’ groundwork, man. Make it make sense and I’m in.

I’m not intense about sexual preferences ever (I just want everyone to bone how doesn’t really matter), but the closest I’ve come to having a strong preference is just my absolute LOVE of bottom derek. Almost everyone writes bottom stiles but OH MY GOD I am just a complete and total whore for bottom derek. or sub derek. or both. i can’t. I just want Stiles to take care of him and make him babble and whine and beg and I’m gonna get inappropriate I’ll shut up now.

OH WAIT I HAVE ONE. Papa Stilinski is a good fucking dad. He doesn’t do everything right (he’s a fucking cop) but he’s a good dad who loves his kid and is trying. He’s also not an alcoholic. I have alcoholics in my family. One scene where he drinks whisky in front of his teenage kid doesn’t make him an alcoholic. Stiles’ wolfsbane nightmare/vision thing is exactly that - a nightmare. Scott saw Allison fucking Jackson. Allison saw her killing...herself. It’s a nightmare...a projection of fears. Stiles worries about his dad and about everything being his fault, so that’s the vision he gets. Don’t shit on Papa Stilinski he’s lovely.

fandom asks | ask me

[shingia]

hii baby, could i request a haikyuu male match up please? i'm 5'6, she/her, i have dark brown, kind of wavy hair that i had long for some time but recently cut it to my shoulders. i have brown eyes that prefer not to do their job right so i switch between wearing glasses and contacts! i have been training dance my whole life and volleyball for a few years too, but only recently quit and switched to working out in the gym.

i am quite ambitious and hardworking, and my dream profession is to be a neurosurgeon or to work in emergency medicine. i am a cancer, and an isfj, i am the mom friend of my group. i am generally a calm and quiet person and i do my best to control my emotions, but once i warm up to you i will show my warm, childish side. i tend to be a bit dramatic at times, but mainly just to make people laugh. i tend to be a bit stubborn and stuck in my ways and defend what is mine. i tend to get a bit moody, and get random bouts of energy. honestly, the biggest compliment i could receive is somebody being comfortable enough around me to vent to me, i love comforting other people. i tend to ramble a lot and my mind changes lanes of thinking quite a lot, especially when you get me talking about things i love talking about. some of my passions are writing (to be quite honest, if it wasn't such an unstable career path, i would want to be a writer), working out, reading, food (making and eating it, i am a bit bigger on baking more than cooking and i stress bake quite often), science (particularly math), history (count on me to sprout random facts all the time) and languages (i speak three currently!). my preffered book and movie genre is action, psychological thriller, but i do love to watch a romantic comedy once in a while.

i tend to have pretty high standards for myself, and overworking is not a foreign thing for me. being in sports for a while, competitiveness tends to get the better of me (i will pick a random person and race them somewhere without them knowing the race is on; i am that person that will be increasing their speed on the treadmill if someone else is running next to me). i am a bit insecure and tend to pull back quite quickly, and i tend to avoid getting attached because when i fall, i fall quite fast and quite deep. my love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch, and i am definitely okay with some pda!

my favourite season is summer (i joke it is because i am a summer child), i love love love my cappuccinos and ice cream, i have a big sweet tooth. i am fine with both outdoors and indoors dates- i believe in healthy balance! i am an ambivert, so i can go back and forth!

my ideal type is someone ambitious, a bit chill, someone who can read the atmosphere cause i don't always speak my feelings and someone who is not going to hesitate to show me they love me. really, a biggest turn off would be someone arrogant and unmotivated to be better.

thank you so much, i really really love your blog! make sure you are staying safe!

🖤 a/n : hi !! ok so i noticed you recently liked a lot of my posts and omg the ego boost that your notifs brought/bring me??! so THANK YOU ! hope you’re staying safe too <3

i ship you with...

𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈 !

you know how it works, let’s go for the explanations~ !

• akaashi with a s/o who wears glasses has always been and will always be a HUGE YES for me

• since we know akaashi became an editor, that means he probably has a good eye for art, which means that he would absolutely  s w o o n  in front of your dancing skills

• probably my biggest point here : you got yourself a #1 fan right there. he would support you in EVERYTHING you set your mind to, no matter how others react to your personal projects/goals, you will always have him by your side

• which obviously means that words of affirmation are daily. and honestly name one thing better than being 100% supported by akaashi keiji ?

• he would appreciate that you’re pretty chill, responsible and calm but that would only make his surprise bigger when your hidden character traits finally surface. and definitely not in a bad way, he would be so happy to see your warmer and more bubbly side <3 (makes him feel important to you 🥺)

• oh and also, please don’t mind being dramatic and/or moody at times because akaashi’s tolerance for moody people is canonly HUGE (thanks bokuto)

• we know he has a tendency to overthink a lot so he would gladly accept the comfort you can give him, and overall he would enjoy your presence a lot

• but rest assured that he always returns the favor, he wouldn’t mind spending hours reassuring you on your insecurities if needed and never ever rush you for anything

• i don’t think akaashi would mind pda, he doesn’t see any problem in showing others that he loves you. so definitely expect hand holding and kisses in public (nothing too extra tho, just a well-balanced amount of love)

• i’m gonna finish this matchup with a list of things you guys would probably do together : bake (a lot), study, write stuff and ask the other to proof read, go on MANY coffee dates, go to the gym together (because quick reminder that akaashi canonically wants to work on his physical power), watch movies and then talk about it for hours after, and, obviously, cuddleeee

<33

[nossbean]

@sarahoftarth tagged me ages ago, thank you and sorry it’s taken so long!! So pandemic brain has been doing a number on me the last couple of months (few weeks? honestly time means nothing atm which is probably part of the problem!) but I’ve been getting my energy back up in fits and starts, and I remembered this comfort meme! It seemed like a great time to pull it out and have a go 💕

🌿 Favourite comfort food: rolling around in starch, basically! Bangers and mash swimming in gravy has been my main comfort food since I was a tot, also love pizza and nachos just HEAPED with tasty things and ice cream sundaes with nuts and hot caramel drizzle thank you

🌼 Favourite drink: loooove iced blended matcha drinks. Am trying to figure out how best to replicate these at home. Alcohol-wise, either a Pimms with UK-style lemonade and all the fruity/vegetably bits, or a rosé cider.

🌷 Favourite relaxing activity: long baths with candles and either fiction podcasts, or music and a good novel or fic

🌻 Favourite calming scent: rain, all permutations, by far. 

🌺 Favourite relaxing/uplifting song: hmm the closest I can answer this is by revealing the contents of my ‘in case of emergency’ playlist, best played on shuffle: Mutha’uckas by Flight of the Conchords; Goodnight New York by Vienna Teng; Sing, Sing, Sing by Benny Goodman; A Million Dreams from the OST of The Greatest Showman; Across the Stars from the Star Wars OST; and rounding it out, two from Galavant: No One But You and I Love You (As Much As Somebody Like Me Can Love Anybody). 

🍄 Favourite book to get lost in: Oh geez. This is hard for me to answer because I get lost in written stuff a lot. Instead of specifying a fave, I’ll just answer the last book I got lost in, which was All Systems Red by Martha Wells, the first in her Murderbot series. Best summed up as a robot security guard (refers to self as Murderbot) who just wants to be left alone to watch its shows but accidentally catches feelings for the humans it has been contracted to work for. Would v highly recommend, the story is a lot of fun, has great worldbuilding, and is in all ways a romp. Also, pro-tip, Tor.com’s newsletter gives away a free SFF ebook monthly, which is how I got this one (in fact, I’m pretty sure All Systems Red has been their free giveaway at least twice in the last 18 months or so, so a good chance it’ll come around again!)

💐 Favourite chill out TV show: a rotation of Mike Schur shows <3 Parks and Rec will forever be the show of my heart, but The Good Place is a close second, with Brooklyn Nine-nine bringing up the rear.

🍃 Favourite cheering podcast: I’ve added this one because I listen to loooaaads of podcasts and reckon I’m not the only one! That said, feel free to delete as needed! There’s two I’d definitively recommend, starting with The Good Place: The Podcast. Initially it was essentially episode commentaries done in podcast interview format, and now it’s expanded to a bit of additional content (they did an episode on the recent Parks & Rec special, for instance). It’s a really great listen, with lots of talk about all the things that make The Good Place wonderful with the crew & cast. I could honestly happily listen to hundreds of hours of Mike Schur interviewed by Mark Evan Jackson about the philosophical underpinnings of the show. It also has this bonus lovely segment at the end of every episode called, “What’s Good” wherein each guest shares something good in their lives/the world, and I’ve actually pulled that concept into my advocacy meetings because it’s so nice. 

And the other is How Did This Get Made of which I’ve been listening to a lot the last few weeks. They’ve got a long back catalogue, a lot of their discussions go off the rails in the most delightfully cracky and funny ways, and particularly of late, they are a Safe Listen, in that they’re politically conscious and bring that into their discussions which is great because a lot of the films they watch are... hoooo-eeeee. Not. (Note this doesn’t hold for their earlier eps necessarily. They’ve been doing the podcast for 10 years and the hosts have Been On a Journey which is nice in a different way!) Bonus shoutout to The Guilty Feminist for your comedy/serious-discussion-of-feminist-concepts needs, and The Strange Case of the Starship Iris for your radio drama-esque progressive radical rebels in a space ship sci-fi needs (which, honestly, I didn’t know I needed this until I listened to it and fell in love)

🌹 The best advice you’ve ever had: oh gosh. Okay, I’m offering two since I am apparently in a rambling mood this evening! One of a more personal persuasion and then also the best piece of professional advice I’ve received. So personally: try to be gentle with yourself and remember you’re doing the best you can, and that is enough. I’m trying to remind myself of this on the daily, as pandemic brain has taken me the fork out for the last while and I’m feeling behind on All The Things. The compulsive worker in me caveats that there are times when being gentle with myself can be taken too far, but frankly, I’ve found I’ve never been in the brainspace to have that constructive conversation about when I need to push myself a bit, if I haven’t been able to acknowledge the time before has been as much as I can give (that’s a convoluted sentence and I hope it makes some sense!) So in case it’s helpful: you, yes you reading this: you’re doing the best you can. And that’s enough 💙

Professionally and relating to teamwork, as I used to work in a high-pressured and often very time-sensitive field where projects had multiple moving parts, often based out on location, and where teamwork was basically the only thing which could guarantee success: when things go right, celebrate responsible individuals as well as the team on the whole. When things go wrong, tackle it as a team only. (There are caveats of course: ‘go wrong’ holds a whole host. But assuming we mean simple human error as opposed to bigotry, harassment, or malice, then the point is that it does no one any good to point fingers, or pillory any individuals, particularly since sometimes/often it was a collective erring along the way in any case. And if needs be, there can always be a debrief later) In my experience: this works well to getting a team through some of the worst of situations, and creates a more cooperative working environment overall. Also, a related note, is that particularly when the error comes from someone lower on the hierarchy, who is probably overworked and underpaid, this approach is far better for encouraging learning and growth than anything else.

Tagging: @amuserobin @forbiddenfantasies1 @djeli-beybi @brynnmck @beesreadbooks @ajoblotofjunk @fireinthetwilight @twelvemonkeyswere @klingofff @pretty--thief @ilikeblue @ronordmann and truly anyone else who fancies it! Not sure how much this one went around so sorry if I’m double tapping you & would love to see your answers!

[scturnine]

i’m making this list of plots i’ve been wanting to do along with fcs i’m down to use/want to play against. if you want to plot together, send over a dm! you can definitely like this too, but sometimes i just forget to check the notes. my about me is here and my rules are here. i’m very bored, so i’m super active at the moment. * means i really need :))

plots 

* a pop star and her backup guitarist/tour manager/opening act/some sort of somebody that would be on tour. cute flirtation during rehearsals. tour bus antics. late night kisses on the balcony of a hotel room under the moonlight. paparazzi catching the loving gazes. rumors starting to swirl. just yes.

literally any musician/normal person plot pls 

i want a plot where a fan sneaks into a concert by claiming s/he’s one of the band member’s girlfriends (or boyfriends) and the security asks the band member and they’re like yeah we’re dating even though they’re noT AND THEY BECOME LIKE A GROUPIE AND HOOK UP BACKSTAGE OK

muse a and muse b have been paranormal investigators for years, they spend their time speaking about the supernatural world & performing house calls. the two come face to face with a heinous haunting and it has now become their job to expel the spirits from that house. and just when they think they’re finished, they realized the spirit has followed them home.

modern bonnie and clyde x 

* plot based off robbers by the 1975. 1975 robbers inspired plot with two people living off the little money they have and what they knick from the gas stations they rob. super romantic road trips, dangerous robberies, sentimental nights on their floor bed. 

small musician who plays at little venues and the bartender start getting involved and have a cute romance while the musician begins to grow. 

pirate captain (f) and captain of the navy (m) fall for each other after they’ve been playing cat and mouse for months when they come face to face once again and one of them is severely injured. the other helps the injured and their relationship continues to change. 

two actors or musicians, one’s younger and the other is more of a veteran who’s lost their spark. the older one is increasingly jealous of the other who has been winning all the awards lately, and now they have to work together on a project like an album or movie. 

* tbh i kind of want a plot based around two celebs whose characters are a ship in the show they’re on and the’ve always been really close friends, always goofing off behind the scenes and having a grand old time, and are crazy comfortable aroud each other but then the time comes where they have to do a sex scene and it’s like a revelation of “wow they’re really good looking… their hands feel so nice on my skin like this…their lips are so warm and soft… they’re good at kissing….i wonder what this would be like if it were real” and it gets really awkward/cute and they always get flustered around each other because they can’t stop thinking about it and PLEASE

please come at me with some phantom of the opera or old timey forbidden love 1800s type of shit because i live for it and i want to make edits of our eventual ships with photoshop that i just cracked. xoxo i’m a good writer i swear. my rules and about page are on my page, and i have a discord if you’d like to talk or write on there!

oh to be an aggressive hockey guy who gets into fights during matches and has to be patched up afterwords by the exasperated medic who has a soft spot for me who’s always telling me to be careful and sometimes we fight over my reckless attitude and maybe it gets heated one night and the medic yells “i care about you asshole!!” and i need to reevaluate our every single interaction

bodyguard/celeb plot

plot based off killing eve !!

1700s witch and witch hunter

* older mob boss or whatever who runs a few money laundering business falls in love with a 20-something year old bartender at one of his bars 

les mis plot les mis plot les mis plot les mis plot idc WHICH CHARACTERS

any mob plot tbh i love that shit 

wanted opposites 

* nick o’malley

* matt healy 

kendrick sampson

kian lawley

zazie beetz

dylan llewellyn

* thomas doherty

keira knightley

harry fuckin styles

gregg sulkin

victoria pedretti

luke hemmings

* oliver jackson-cohen

jack davenport

richard madden

jodie comer

james norton

jack lowden

theo james

wanted faces 

courtney eaton 

astrid berges-frisbey

adelaide kane

victoria pedretti

margaret qualley

zazie beetz

sydney sweeney

madison eiseman

felicity jones

probably more i’m not thinking of rn but i’m pretty chill 

[uribo-in-space]

Star Trek TOS First Time Viewing  Reaction - S2E2: Who Mourns for Adonais?

DISCLAIMER: I have seen some TNG and Voyager when I was a child and later the AOS movies as a teenager. I felt quarantine time was the right moment to begin the ambitious project “Star Trek marathon 2020/(2021?20??)”, meaning I’m going to watch all of Star Trek starting with TOS finishing with Disco (or maybe we have Strange New Worlds by the time I catch up haha). I started TOS last month and I AM LIVING. IT’S AWESOME and sparks so much joy. I decided I could just write up my thoughts as I am viewing it for the first time as a memory of the experience, not knowing most episodes at all. So, there we go.

Spoilers obviously - just in case somebody else is 50 years late like me, haha.

Opening scene: Scotty flirts with a female lieutenant on the bridge. So far so cute. What about the dialogue from Bones and Kirk accompanying this scene though?

MCCOY: I'm not sure I like that, Jim. KIRK: Why, Bones? Scotty's a good man. MCCOY: And he thinks he's the right man for her, but I'm not sure she thinks he's the right man. On the other hand, she's a woman. All woman. One day she'll find the right man and off she'll go, out of the service. KIRK: I like to think of it not so much losing an officer as gaining SCOTT: Come along. (He and Carolyn enter the turbolift.) KIRK: Actually, I'm losing an officer.

like - what? I had to rewatch this scene to fully understand what they’re saying. I think it’s interesting that, despite TOS being like 50 years old now, I find it easy to forget we’re actually in the 60s/70s when binge watching. Watching it now is sometimes a weird meta experience as you tend to overlook elements that were considered super futuristic in the 60s but are perfectly normal now, so that you actually miss some FUTURISTIC elements because you’re living those aspects of FUTURE already. Yes, of course women quitting their jobs after marriage still happens, but it is not considered a “rule” or “natural order of events” anymore, and is (talking from a western perspective) more of a choice and you would not assume this happening automatically. Especially if you produced an utopian sci-fi series today, that concept would probably not be included. Anyway, it’s pretty interesting that female Starfleet members seem to drop out of service after marriage and it is not considered something a captain or anyone can do something about in the future (I mean, apparently the men still continue their service? I only have divorced Bones for reference so far though). Anyway, TLDR, I am not judging the 60s relics as they are a product of their time, I think they are rather an interesting addition to the viewing experience in 2020, considering the writers did think this concept would persist in the far future. Back to the episode.

IS THAT A GIANT HAND IN SPACE

I love that Chekov casually assumes he has hallucinations - like bro do you have reasons to believe that and what did you do in your free time

This hand really kills me. I also could not believe what I am seeing but I love it

Spock stating he is not offended because you need emotions to be offended - interesting, Spock, so what happened when Kirk pulled a yo mama joke on you in that Paradise Hippie Love Romance Pollen episode (man that was a gem of an episode)

Chekov has one of the most HILARIOUS lines in that episode (next to having one of the most hilarious hairstyles, his hairstyle looks like an interesting over the top take on the Beatles haircut and his head looks so much like a mushroom I feel like he has a side job in Mario Kart):

APOLLO: Search your most distant memories, those of the thousands of years past, and I am there. Your fathers knew me, and your father's fathers. I am Apollo.

CHEKOV: And I am the tsar of all the Russias.

KIRK: Mister Chekov.

CHEKOV: I'm sorry, Captain. I never met a god before.

Chekov be sassy to gods

I can’t let this haircut go, as it got me thinking: Is there a hairdresser on the Enterprise?

That’s a thing to explore

What gossip that person might hear sign me up

So, the guy really is the God Apollo huh

Costume note 1: That toga Apollo wears is SO SMALL like - “SIR nice to meet you but you’re REVEALING THINGS please sit with more modesty OR - NO NOT LIKE THAT”

Costume note 1, addition: Nice to see the ratio of revealing costumes of men & women wearing sexy revealing clothing in this episode is very equal

Apollo really has a worshipping kink huh

But as a Greek god you probably have that

Also where ARE the other gods? Like he just casually says they are all gone... “with the wind” but... why? Did they suffer from worship withdrawal like he does now?

Also: I really LOVE the concept they introduced that the Ancient Greek gods were just a bunch of space travellers visiting Earth who decided to chill there for a while and be all powerful and worshipped. But as Kirk says in the end they were a huge factor for mankind to move to the Golden Age, which is a cool thought.

Seriously what a fun premise? I would watch that as a series. Hera, Artemis, Zeus, Apollo etc. all chilling on their ship and having fights and romances and space adventures on strange planets. I imagine them being a really chaotic and high-maintenance bunch though

Thinking about it, Apollo said he was a demi-god with a human mother (if I understood that correctly) so basically he was born on Earth and never saw (what I assumed is) their home planet until he was an adult and they returned (why did they return?)? But the Enterprise crew defeats him by finding out his “god powers” are actually originating from the temple structure on the planet, so does that work long distance then?? Like they could access their home planet powers from far away...? And not the powers themselves are passed down by genes but rather the access to it? Or is it that they need worship to thrive (like that’s why it worked on Earth and they just need a temple?) Questions over questions. Love the concept overall.

Kirk, Scotty and Chekov talking about energy patterns and science and how to defeat Apollo (also Chekov you’re such a smart boy! and he says he is only 22 in this episode awwW and the others are looking at him like - wow a child is with us) and Bones just randomly... grabs a bowl of fruit, holds it a bit and puts it aside - as I saw no note for that in the script I think it was improvised by Kelley... but why? Like was somebody from the staff whispering last minute “oh no that bowl is ruining the shot take it away subtly if you can”? It really startled me but it’s kinda funny.

Chekovs hair is even more FLUFFY and voluminous in this scene like did they bring the Enterprise’s hairdresser with them? (It’s cute)

CHEKOV: Perhaps if I assisted. KIRK: How old are you? CHEKOV: Twenty two, sir. KIRK: Then I'd better handle it.

Also I like protective Scotty in this episode. I think it is one of the first times he really gets some character development and proper screen time

Kirk being choked by Apollo is on the thin line of really intense acting and passing into Shatners school of overacting but - it works so I am giving a thumbs up for very INTENSE acting

I feel somebody shouted at him “MORE INTENSE” “MORE MOANING” “INTENSITYYY” “BE MORE CHOKED”

Lieutenant Carolyn is kind of a weak character and is pretty much the embodiment of a 60s ideal of a woman but HELL she is beautiful

Costume Note 3: I actually like the cut of her costume, it is an imaginative take on the toga and also sexy - I was surprised they aired it like that tbh - like from one side it looks like she is topless really

Costume Note 3 addition: but then HOW did they fix it? Like she’s not wearing any kind of bra and the fabric is not attached to anything so I guess they glued it to her skin in a lot of places huh - also there is a scene with a storm and a strong wind where I feel the way she tries to protect and cover herself is not just acting but really an attempt by the actress to catch her costume from flying away and not trusting the glue the costume people used

I don’t want to imagine how many wardrobe malfunctions she had with that costume and how many times she stood there topless in front of everyone so... idk

I guess same goes for Apollos costume lol so fair

On a more positive note on the portrayal of women is Uhura’s role here. Her in that mechanics uniform building a bypass circuit in that crammed space under her console (she still has her full hairdo which gets all squished oh NO and the hairdresser is down on the planet fixing Chekovs mushroom!) - you go girl

UHURA: Mister Spock, I haven't done anything like this in years. If it isn't done just right, I could blow the entire communications system. It's very delicate work, sir.

SPOCK: I can think no one better equipped to handle it, Miss Uhura. Please proceed.

Thumbs up for the supporting Spock.

Also I love every time Spock takes over the Bridge. It’s so cool.

So that’s all! Overall a campy episode at first look but I was pleasantly surprised by the concept of the Greek Gods being space travellers etc. Thumbs up for that giant hand too (pun intended). I like to imagine that like with episodes that play in a middle-age setting they just had a set from another movie lying around and thought - how can we make this a strange planet - but that’s really part of the charme of it for me.

This was a long text huh.

BONUS QUOTE (or rather BONES QUOTE?) - as it was my favorite:

MCCOY: To coin a phrase, fascinating. 

[neshabeingchildish]

Poly, Wanna? Ch. 12

Since Tumblr is experiencing things... Idek if anybody will be able to see this. @chenoahchantel @adorkable-blackgirl @henry-p-fart @up-the-tube

I haven’t done this in a while, or for her yet, but I wanted to dedicate this chapter to lil’ mama Lizzie. Thank you for being a lil’ goofball source of goodness on a daily basis. Thanks for the group chat. I’m the oldest human there, but it’s such a good collection of good kiddos. 

Home

"Hi. I know that we can't really discuss the nature of the other work for the show but this confessional seat is pretty much where I've been laying down my burdens so that's what's going to happen today. I think I finally realized something about the workforce. One of the reasons that I haven't been able to stay in the labs, that I haven't been able to put up with a lot of the crap that they expect you to put up with..  I feel like it's mundane and not very direct results. Sure something that I work on right now may help somebody one day, but whenever I work here whatever mark that I did, helped someone THAT day. I was having adventures and making a difference in a pretty regular basis and the entire time, I was simply trying to get a paycheck and also help others. Now, the help that I give others is a slow process and the journey includes pompous, pretentious dudes that insist that they're better, smarter, and more experienced than you, therefore, you don't even always get approved to do the work that you COULD do. When I worked here, my supervisor encouraged me to test things out and he admitted that I'm smarter than him. I've been smarter than everyone that I've ever worked under… but Schwoz is the only person who's ever validated that fact. Whenever I worked here, it was like a family. It was a community. Out in my fields of study, it's always a competition and I'm always clipped at the knees while the big name boys get their headstarts, their funding, their approvals, their awards and recognition… but, I'm a grown woman. I have to decide if I wanna push harder and drain myself just to catch up with them, or stay out of the way. 

Singing in nightclubs and serving drinks isn't beneath me, but my parents are right about one thing… it isn't what I worked so hard for all of these years. So I could give up on my years of studying and work and just find something that I'm passionate about, or work hard to be the best, even on an unfair playing field..  but in the meantime I will be settling back in here. I just feel so at home…" 

Whenever Captain Man and Mr. Feelgood came down the tubes, Charlotte was in the control panel, with Schwoz behind her, talking. "And if I had access to it, my research would make him look like the 20th century scientific charlatan that he is!"

"I support this!" Schwoz cheered.

Henry leaned over the two of them. "What's going on?"

"Charlotte's going to use my resources to stick it to the Man!" Schwoz said. 

Captain Man wondered, "What did I do, now?"

"The industry, Ray. You’d be surprised to learn that even in the scientific community, where everyone is there to further humanity with knowledge, truth and solutions, a lot of them are grossly prejudiced and oppressive,” Schwoz said, thinking about his own run ins with American scientists who felt like he knew less because they weren’t familiar with his country or his accent.

“I wouldn’t be surprised that people who went into the kind of work that was advanced at the violation of numerous enslaved African peoples and their descendants, not to mention several Jewish people and other marginalized groups who have been used as lab rats and sometimes still aren’t given viable scientific solutions to their needs,” Captain Man said, with a shrug.

Feelgood raised an eyebrow and wondered, “What have YOU been reading?”

Captain Man answered, “This bizarre story about me that for some reason had all of these science facts in it. I didn’t really get it, but the photos were GREAT!” Feelgood noticed Charlotte hiding a smile and he just HAD to know more, but needed to blow this bubble first and get comfortable.

When he was Henry again, he beckoned to Ray with a hand, “Alright, Dude. Let me see this story you speak of.”

Ray pulled out his phone and showed Henry an archive. It took Henry all of 15 seconds to realize that these were simply scientific and social justice essays that somebody had peppered in numerous photos of “The Most Handsome Man in Swellview EVER” and given titles such as, “Scientific Racism is an Ugly Part of Our Practices, But Ray Manchester is the Opposite of Ugly.” “This is interesting. It seems like the kind of thing to have a niche market of JUST YOU.” Henry told him.

“I follow it,” Charlotte and Schwoz both said. Schwoz with a shrug, as thought he OBVIOUSLY would follow such a thing. Charlotte, with a smile, because Henry knew good and damn well that these were her words. She added, “Along with Miss Shapen, Nurse Cohort, Mrs. Dunlop, YOUR MOM…” She listed off subscribers. “Piper hate follows to put things in the comments like, “I once saw him fuss with a squirrel and taunt it by saying, ‘I’ve got some nuts for you to choke on!’ which, in 3 years’ time is still the top comment on any of the posts.”

Ray groaned, “I would be insulted, but I got several ‘Do you have any nuts for me to choke on?’ messages, so Piper lost again.” He finished with a smile and headed to the auto snacker for a bucket of fries.

“Why would someone do this?” Henry asked, trying to hand Ray his phone back, but eventually gave up because of the huge size of fries and just stuck it in his pocket.

“Maybe, someone knew that there are certain people who would only be willing to receive information from such a source,” Charlotte said. 

*Holds up photograph of Ray. “Basically, if you ever want Ray Manchester to pay attention to something, the best way is to put his photo onto it. It started as an experiment, to be honest. I was trying to do a paper on narcissism for a psychology credit, and was using him as a study. But, then, I realized that I could actually get him to LEARN THINGS that I would have had to either accept that he never would or browbeat into him in the past. Now, Ray can recite to you statistics of scientific racism and how the medical field still fails minorities to this day, among other very important topics that his brain might have previously shut out.”

*Ray speaking. “Everything as harmless as poor lighting and unflattering makeup selections while on screen, to things as dangerous as not being able to detect signs of skin cancer in brown skinned patients! Right there, next to my smiling face and luxurious skin!” *Shakes his head. “I can probably trust a makeup artist or a doctor to take care of me, but Charlotte and her really hot mom might not!” *Shakes his head. “This world. It’s ugly. But you know who’s not? This guy.” *Holds up an article with the title: This World, It’s Ugly. But You Know Who’s Not? This Guy, with a photo of a young Ray in a horse sweater. “I don’t know where this person gets all of these photos, (*whispers) but they’re all perfect.”

.

Jasper and Charlotte had discussed the letters from Henry and she decided that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to read them, but told Jasper that if he felt the need to do so, he should. She and Henry were getting along pretty well and she worried that reading things that she had decided to try to move past might damage that and stir up strife and trauma that she wasn’t interested in. “If I were to say that I’m not curious about what Henry had to say for apparently 467 days, that would be an enormous lie. But, I’m also terrified of what finding out some of that might do to us. Jasper thinks that it needs to be done now, while everything is still new and fresh and it can’t hurt later. But… It can’t hurt later if he just burns them now, either.” *Shrugs her shoulders.

Charlotte still had leave of absence time from the doctor, even though she was fine, thanks to Schwoz. So, whenever Jasper and Henry were away, she was usually making herself pretty much at home and making the space a little more compatible with her. They hadn’t talked moving in together or anything, but… she hadn’t left yet and Jasper kept bringing more of their things over with each night that they spent there. She would chill in the Man Cave with Ray and Schwoz, work on her project that Schwoz was helping out with and back him up whenever the heroes got an alert. But, if Jasper was available, she spent her free time with him. And if the three of them were free, they spent that time together. The only times that she was with Henry alone was at night, when Jasper was bartending, on those nights that Swellview didn’t need their hero.

That was when the conversation came up again, “Are you ever gonna read them?” He wondered. She tensed up at the question, but blinked shortly afterwards and stared at him. He had been giving her a pedicure (since hers hadn’t gotten done at the spa that day) and he still felt bad about that. Plus, he had hella products for that at home. Between the two of them - her holistic healthcare and organic, natural, DIY beauty care, and his high maintenance grooming and wellness… This place was an apothecary, pharmacy, spa, gym… He’d even started making certain that he got handcrafted beers shipped in, since he knew that was what Jasper preferred to drink and he really wanted both of them to kinda… never wanna leave.

“How important is it to you that I read those letters? Are they worth my current peace of mind? Are they worth our current connection?” She asked.

He squeezed her foot affectionately and kissed it, “Nothing is worth that. I just didn’t know it NOT reading them would possibly risk that as well, perhaps?”

She sighed. “I don’t know. I’m not crazy about change. Things are already in the process of changing, but this change seems good. Do you think that whatever I read there would be a change for the better? Would it improve what is already happening, in any way? Or, do you just want me to have to know what you were going through while I was going through what I was going through, because I refused to grant you that attention whenever I was going through it?” Her foot was rested against his chest and he was stroking it lovingly, absentmindedly. She pulled it away gently and she shrugged his shoulders. “Well, when you can answer me that, I can answer your question. For right now, the answer is that I don’t want to do it. I can’t see how it would help anything.”

“I respect that.”

“I actually hate it.” - Henry

.

Jasper got home anywhere from 3-4:30 am, depending on how busy the lounge was or how much cleaning up he had to do. Usually, whenever he got home, Charlotte was asleep. Henry had a habit of waiting up for him. It was hard for him to sleep whenever he didn’t know that Jasp was home safe and staying awake made him less tired than interrupted sleep did. Charlotte sometimes slept in her bed, whenever she wanted to be immersed in her sleeping experience, unbothered and Jasper would join her whenever he got home. (His room was currently where he and Charlotte’s clean, but not folded laundry and other unpacked stuff was being stored. They lived in her room and visited Henry’s as frequently as though it were their own. 

His favorite nights were those when Charlotte didn’t necessarily want to be alone and slept in his bed. He still waited up for Jasper, but sometimes, she cuddled against him and went to sleep on him while he waited and played video games or watched something. Whenever Jasper would get home, Henry would be ready for bed and Jasper would generally wash up and come into bed, being the one who got to decide their placement for the night. Would he be in the middle? Would Henry? Would Charlotte? Whatever he chose, Henry was always happy, because they were both still there. 

Then there were the times that they were all home at night and got to settle into bed together! Rarely did one of the others suggest just going to their own room tonight, if all of them were there. They just went into Hen’s like it was the most natural thing in the world for all of them to be in bed together, sleeping and cuddled up - some nights just awake, talking in the candlelight until someone fell to sleep first and the other two gushed over them quietly. 

Actually, now that Henry thought about it… he had a different type of favorite night. Those nights whenever he had to leave for a mission before anybody went to bed, or when nobody else was there, and he came home, tired, weary, sore, etc… and they were both waiting for him. Either awake and worried because the mission seemed serious, or asleep in his bed, figuring that they would have been alerted if it had been something to worry about. 

Whenever he came home from a night of work and soothed away his pain and problems in a hot shower, knowing that within moments he could lay his head on a pillow or a person that he loved very much… ugh. Priceless.

.

Henry came into the dining room, from sessions in his office, to find Jasper at the table, with his letters, doing something with them. He didn’t want to interrupt… But, he appeared to possibly be destroying them and it was reflexive. “What are you doing?” He snapped. Jasper jumped and was clearly startled and taken back for a moment. Henry noticed, felt terrible, and calmed down. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” Softer, he wondered, “What are you doing, there?”

Jasper’s hands shook a little and he set a letter down in a stack, face down and said with a low voice, “Organizing these for Charlotte.”

“What do you mean organizing? They were dated and in order. Did you like drop the stack, or something?”

“No, Henry. I didn’t. I thought that you said these belonged to us, now?”

“I did. They do. I’m just curious.”

“If you must know, I’ve separated them into categories. These are angry. These are sad. These are blunt and realistic. These are the ones that are the sweetest. They’re going into this scrapbook that I’m making for Charlotte. These other ones are going to be possibly shelved, possibly explored at her convenience. She’ll likely want to get into a certain headspace, cleanse them of their energy and ground herself before attempting to look at them. I don’t want her triggered whenever she tries to!” His voice got louder as he explained, until he was almost yelling. He rolled his eyes at Henry and began to collect his stuff.

“Where are you going?”

“Where you aren’t gonna come fussing at me just because Charlotte’s not around.”

“That’s not what I… Jasper, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like I was fussing. Thank you for doing this. It’s so thoughtful and sweet. Charlotte is lucky to have you.”

“Yep,” Jasper said, angrily and kept going.

“Where is she, anyway?” 

“In the Man Cave. Go spin this however you need to.”

“I’m not…” Henry rubbed his eyes, frustrated as Jasper went into his room and slammed the door. 

“I can only guess that he recently read Day 273 recently…”

*Jasper taking deep breaths and clenching the air in front of his face to strengthen and center himself, then clears his throat. “Day 273. Dear Charlotte, I feel like I shouldn’t write that I love you anymore. I feel like I maybe should stop this altogether. Jasper and I are getting closer than I expected and it is starting to scare the hell out of me. I found myself wishing that I had you around to talk to about it. I found myself questioning if I was moving on from you and wondering if I should. Jasper is great. He’s everything right in the world and he seems to be really into me. I wish that I could love him, but I feel like I’d be betraying you again. Which… That’s hella stupid, right? We’re fucking. That’s betrayal, right? Or, is it okay, because I never really had feelings for him? He told me that he loves me recently. I told him that I love him too. I didn’t mean it like that, but I didn’t really wanna get into it. I would feel so much better if I thought that I could have your blessing. I know that it hurts him the way that I never quite let him in, but I can’t help it. It always feels like he’s trying to take your place, but I don’t want anybody else to take that place. Not even Jasper. I care about him, but… He’s just not you, never will be, and I don’t know if I could ever see him the way he wants me to, because I don’t know how low that would be of a blow to you. He said that you’ve cut him out now, too. I guess after 3 months of fucking your ex he felt obliged to share that info with you. I already feel like you probably hate me more. If you didn’t feel some type of way about it, you wouldn’t have blocked him. You still care! And knowing that, I just… I can’t move on. I’m not gonna say that I love you anymore. But, I know that you care..” *Slams down the paper into the “blunt and realistic” stack.

Henry came to the Man Cave and Charlotte was looking at her phone, and seemingly about to go - wrapping things up with Schwoz. “Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?” He wondered. 

She sighed and shook her head, “I’m sorry, Henry. I have to go see about Jasper.”

“I figured. I just wanted to say…”

“Say it on the way, Dude. Booty Bear is having a meltdown. What happened?”

“I think it's the letters. One in particular…” Henry said and ran a hand through his hair. “There was a time, about six months in when I was thinking about giving me and Jasper an actual try and I wrote to you about it, but basically decided not to.”

“This is why I don’t really understand WHY those letters ever had to leave your goddamn possession!” She fumed and shook her head as they got on the elevator. “Why would ever hand him something like that?”

“I figured it was better for it to happen now than it come out later somehow and what happened with you happened with him, or with both of you. I… am trying to hard to get everything out in the open and clarified and comprehended. We can’t ever become, if we don’t deal with the shit.” He fought to not cry. The last time he cried when he didn’t have a right, it only pissed her off. He shook his head and whispered, “I almost fucking died. I still have scars from that night. I still have nightmares sometimes. And, even though I was hostage for all those hours and ultimately had to fucking kill someone…”He clenched his fists, “That wasn’t the worst part of the night.” He started laughing and turned to face the wall, because he knew that the tears were coming. 

“Hen…”

“No. Sorry… I just… Go, um… Go make sure he’s okay. Tell him I’m sorry and I love him, K?” She rubbed Henry’s chest and nodded, then pulled him in for a hug. The elevator doors opened and Jasper was standing there. He slumped his shoulders and sighed. Charlotte patted Henry on the back and got off to check on Jasper. Henry went back down.

“I coulda done without seeing that today,” Jasper admitted.

“Yeah. I coulda done without you actually reading those stupid letters, but Henry said something that made me… give pause. I’ve been thinking that this was so important to him because I never let him tell me how he felt. Do you think maybe it’s so important to him because now that he’s said it, he doesn’t want it to seem like secrets that he’s keeping from us? He doesn’t want another night like that night… and I never knew how bad it had been for him. I never gave him a chance to speak. I was so done that I didn’t even think about what he’d been through. I didn’t even weigh it out against what I was feeling. I was so hurt…”

“You had every right to be hurt. You had every right to feel how you felt and do what you did, Charlotte. And, you’ve had no real reason to give him another chance, but here we are, seemingly doing just that. We’re… in a relationship with him. You realize that, right? It’s like the one that I had with him, where shit is really not spoken about and a little unclear, but we all know good and goddamned well that it’s a thing that’s happening. I just… Do you think that I’m here because he wants you and he knows he has to have me as part of the package? Do you think that he… Do you think that he could ever love me anywhere near the level that he loves you?” Jasper’s eyes were watery.

“Yeah. I think that he does love you that much. I think that those letters are a part of his past. I think that how he hurt you is a part of your past. I think that my anger at him is a part of my past. They’re parts that we have to fucking figure out, J. But… They’re the past, still. He told me himself he’s sorry and he loves you. Look. Let’s do this… Let’s… take those letters that both of you have been obsessed with for the past couple of weeks and let’s just… figure out at least those parts together. The three of us. How does that sound?”

“You said that you didn’t want to do that. You didn’t want to stir up any bad emotions. I don’t want you to do that for me, Charlotte.”

“Well… I don’t want to do it, but I know that I have to. For us.”

He took her into a hug. “You’re always gonna love me, even if it turns out that he doesn’t, right? And if I feel heartbroken by that, you won’t be mad and me and will know that it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay. Thank you. Henry snapped at me tonight and I just… I’d already been transported to that time with the letters and hearing him speak to me harshly just took me deeper in. He can’t talk to me like that.”

“He sure can’t and I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind about it, too! Then, we’re all gonna detox, okay?” Jasper nodded. She kissed him on the cheek and texted Henry.

Come home now. We all gotta talk.

[laracroftsleatherjacket]

Flower Asks: all of them >:3€ (forgive me)

(this is so many omg but I’ll allow it only bc i love u)

Alisons: Sexuality? 

     Gay af (ace lesbean)

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

     Waman (she/they)

Amaryllis: Birthday?

     November 2nd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

     Funnily enough anemones are one of my favs but i think my top favs are chrysanthemums and morning glories but I really love many flowers and flowers in general

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

     As of right now, stranger things duh

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

     Like favors or? I mean I really do try to be a kind and helpful person but if I don’t know somebody or haven’t at least seen them a couple times before I usually don’t do much bc of anxiety 

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

     "The extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.” Lara Croft mostly bc I cant think of anything else right now and that stuck with me

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

     Like a really good cup of black tea with cream and sugar or sweet tea

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

     Never been kissed before but I definitely have someone in mind I would kiss ;3

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

     Hell yeah I am right now and I don’t think I ever have been before now

Baneberries: Favorite song?

     Oh hard question... currently really digging We Fell In Love in October by Girl in Red 

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

     My family is supportive (for the most part) and very loving, even if they express love in weird ways sometimes. We also like to joke around a lot and make fun of each other but in a good way? Like we all have a good time mostly and I get along better with everyone since I started college

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

     My girlfriend is my best friend uwu I also have a lot of good friends but yeah

Begonia: Favorite color?

     Purble but specifically like a pastel purple and purples that lean more towards blue than pink

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

     Lynx! I love so many animals tho and I also like many cats and domestic cats in general

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

     Night!

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

     Probably would love to just be a loved house cat who gets to lay in front of the fire all day or a lynx bc i love them

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

     A veterinarian (or a special agent lmao)! I also still plan on being a vet tho even tho I get discouraged at least once a month 

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

     I mean I like kids and I was a camp counselor for a summer, but I dont really want any of my own

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

     Oh god so many things.. Biggest thing would maybe be death/dying? Like if i think about it too much like the possibility of there just being nothing after death freaks me out. That and throwing up/nausea 

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

     I played soccer and then I was a competitive swimmer so i was kind of an athlete? even tho i hated sports

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

     I think I would like to go to waffle house, have the perfect cup of tea, spend lots of time with my loved ones and pet my kitties, play video games with my gf, and sit under a tree in the mountains preferably on a warmer day in the fall and watch the sunset 

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

     Very happily taken <3

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

     Always wanted to visit Norway

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

      Really big long hugs, good morning or goodnight messages, and I also really love cards 

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

     I have 6 

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

     Yup! I have an industrial, orbital, and 3 earlobe piercings   

California Poppy: Height?  

     5′2 or maybe a little less

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

     Yeah I think so, but I do also get freaked out easily lmao

Carnation: What are you currently wearing? 

     Red flannel, jeans, fuzzy socks, and big dyke boots  

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

     Yeah I did for a long time and I still sometimes sleep with one or like a bathroom light on if Im sleeping by myself in a new place

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

     Either my mom or my dad I dont remember technically who was last bc my parents are visiting me at college

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

     Again, never kissed or been kissed! but maybe soon... :0

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

     Font? I like the font in Night in the Woods?

Columbine: Are you tired?

     Pretty much always either sleepy or tired lol

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

     Christmas, getting to see my gf again, and Magfest!

Coneflower: Dream job?

     Like a veterinarian but having my own practice and also being able to take in injured wildlife if possible

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

     Introvert for sure

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

     Oh repeat question, hell yes

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

     Depends what it is but I would go pretty far for somebody I care about and Im also a crazy person and would drive/travel no matter what distance for someone I love

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

     Yup! I had a ballerina bunny, named Bunny because I was very creative and I still have her

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

     Scorpio

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

     I think so? I did a lot of cool stuff with my GS troop like our bronze award project and going ziplining and to sliding rock. 

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

     My GS gold award for sure, that shit was hard work and stressful af

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

     Umm??? I would tell my dad to eat shit and die and I cant imagine my mom being anything but sweet and supportive so I dont even know

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

     You! This morning uwu

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

     uhh Im pretty good at making sense of stuff in my science labs and reasoning and im sometimes good at art? I feel like I do traditional better but Im getting better at digital

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

     bad at not being impulsive sometimes and bad at dead by daylight 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

     a little over a month but officially got a girlfriend who i love very much, my gf came down to visit and we got to chill on the mountains together, and I had a pretty nice birthday 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

     Good! Got breakfast at a diner with my parents and got coffee and a donut at my fav coffee shop so thats all i really need in life tbh 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

     Yeah Im happy even tho Im stressed with school at times 

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

     Get a job after graduation and hopefully get into vet school on the first or second try

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

     My kitty, mom, wonderful gf, sister, dead by daylight, heated blanket, apartment, waffle house, my sisters kitty, and my dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

     Donuts, coffee or tea, blankets, video games, and loud music

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

     Hmm... I really like to draw art for those i love, tell them how much i love them even though i can be bad with words, and i just try to spend a lot of time with the people I care about no matter what we are doing

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

     uhhh trying to open up more? and Im really proud of my gf 

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

     Going to waffle house. Go to a mountain and hike a little, sit on the top with girlfriend. Admire beauty of mountain countryside. Admire beauty of girlfriend while they admire the beauty of the mountain. Then warm up together with hot chocolate and play video games

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

     I like to doodle and do the arts, play video games, and I like to bake sometimes

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

     uuuuuuh I have a good friend I’ve known since kindergarten or first grade when I first moved to where I currently live

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

     My gf uwu and my mem

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

     probably like less than 10 

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

     I think its really cute especially when you compliment my laugh <3 also someone at camp once told me i smell really good all the time and I just thought that was really nice

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

     ??? I think I am an okay person? And I try to be a good person and be kind and polite to people

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

     Umm... I mean I like that Im kind? and Im not fake and I try to be a good person     

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

      I hate that I procrastinate and that I can get frustrated easily at myself and at situations like crowds and traffic

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

     I liked to play ‘restaurant’ with my sister with our littlest pet shops

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

     I had a really great best friend named Rachel :c

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

     Losing a lot of friends and for being distant for a long time 

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

     Cutting off a friend that was bad for my mental health and who didnt treat me well even though we were best friends for a long time 

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

     My name is literally my parents ship name... like they even told me they chose my name by putting their names together lmao but I mean I like my name so i guess its okay..

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

     Small town in new jersey when I was really, it was nice and family was closer. Then we moved and that was difficult but I ended up adjusting and it was good, had a decent amount of friends and the schools i went to were good

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

     For a long time I shared a room with my sister and we had a bunkbed and I had the top bunk of course, when we moved out of the apartment and into a house I got my own room and it was baby blue only because I told my dad that no, I didnt want a fuckin pink room and that was a whole thing lmao

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

    It was good? but also sucked a lot. I had a lot of issues with my mental health and struggled for a long while with something. I was bullied and stuff at home wasnt always that great. And i got outed so that was fun. Other than that I enjoyed swimming competitively and I got into art

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

I love my mom!! she is the most Mom mom and is so sweet and always there for me. She helps me out so much with so many things and I just love my mom so much

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

     I mean I love my dad? And hes better than he used to be, but he still doesnt help with shit and irritates me a lot. 

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

     I never got to know my grandfather on my moms side bc he passed away a few months before i was born and I sort of knew my grandmother but she lived far away and passed away 10 years ago. I usually see my gramma on my dads side the most and I try to visit often and help her out with stuff and I love her even though she can be a bit... racist and shit.. and I sometimes see my grandpa and step grandma but they can be strict about weird shit and always ask a lot of uncomfortable questions

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

     I dont really do much on my birthdays? Ive had a lot of nice birthdays and it usually involves going out to dinner or having a nice dinner at home and having birthday cake and playing games like jenga or yahtzee.

Peony: What was your first job?

     I did some petsitting for a while but my first real job was being a camp counselor/tower belayer/lifeguard at a girl scout camp

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)?

     Met online after following them for a long time and drawing some arts for them, but didnt really start chatting until stranger things 3 came out bc I saw they had just watched it. Didnt meet irl until fursonacon and I just remember seeing them walking up to my car when I got there and just being like .... oh no.  I had already had a crush but at that point I was just heart eyes      

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

     Its a little fucked up but depending on the type of physical pain I like it? Like getting tattoos and stuff.. emotional/mental I just curl up in blankets and listen to sad music lol

Pink: Where is home?

    I feel like I have many homes? I feel really at home in the mountains, at home with my family, and when Im with my girlfriend

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

     Every event no matter how shitty shaped me into who i am today and Im pretty content and lucky with what I have today so maybe nothing?

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

     My GS leader Miss Kristin. So incredibly kind and outgoing and just willing to do whatever she can to help others. Shes so adventurous and outgoing and made my gs troop so amazing. She is such a wonderful lady and shes basically like another mom to me.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

     To be with my SO in a nice cabin in the mountains with a nice fireplace. Its cozy and we have pets (especially kitties but also maybe a dog and chickens and such) and life is okay and we’re happy

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

     God and Santa Claus (i was so heartbroken (over santa not God lmao))

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

     My girlfriend and my mom

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

    My gfs voice and their laugh c: and I also really like the sound of thunderstorms and rain

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

     To see my gf again and for winter break to just be here already I am so done with school lol

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

     Difficult? I try really hard to express how I feel but I usually mess up and I get anxious but I try my best lol

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

     Any of my loved ones and my cat 

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

     I wish I got more sleep but it was an okay amount

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

     Good morning texts from my gf and my gf in general <3, but also obligations like college classes and stuff ugh

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

      I dont currently have a job but I occasionally do art commissions which is usually fun and gives me something to do 

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

     Any of my flannels and my leather jacket (also not mine but my gfs hoodie they gave to me to borrow)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic. 

     mountains, cabins, flowers, fall, flannel, small coffee shops, pastels 

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

     Im not one to be picky about gifts? I just love anything that someone put some thought into and thought I would like or reminded them of me but i feel bad if it was something expensive or anything lol

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

     Final exams and graduation

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

     0 lmao I used to read a shit ton but Ive been picky about what books I want to read lately 

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

    Working towards applying to vet school and maybe thinking about moving out depending on a lot of things.

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

     Unfortunately

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

     I like collecting pins, pennies, and postcards which is funny to me

(So in conclusion,,, I love my gf)

(wow that was long as hell and took forever but done!)