#so like... let's be scholarly about it for a second... we can discuss it & also be normal... it's literally fine......

[foursaints]

Can we please hear your take on rosier twincest if youre into that i would inhale everything u write abt them

unfortunately i fundamentally don't see anything like that in the cards for the rosiers :(

to me, twincest is most thematically interesting when there's a push-pull between a pair's individual identities & their overriding Sameness (a great text for this is "Gothic Incest: Gender, Sexuality and Transgression" by Jenny Diplacidi (x) ) but the rosier twins' sameness is too complete for that conflict to exist. it wouldn't make sense because there is no tension; they are content to think of themselves as one person. you can't pine for yourself.

also like. i hesitate to make the rosiers overly transgressive. their codependence isn't exactly "normal", but their siblinghood is one of the most palatable things about them... it makes them easier to understand, which makes them easier for others to accept. their sibling bond is one of the few purely Good things in their lives, and i see it as redemptive for both of them..

essentially they are normal 100% of the time but the one person insane enough to get a tiny bit weird about it is bcj (💀). he met pandora, had the earth-shattering realization that There's Two Of Them, and then said absolutely nothing but a certain look came onto his face that caused reg to immediately go "YOU'RE FUCKING DISGUSTING" in the great hall.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I think we have brush that subject once when rwrb came out. From my casual film watching i came to understand that when a book is adapted into a movie that the director actually purchased the right from the author(i might be completely wrong). Every single time a movie is made from a book it bring the question how true does the director have to stay from the book? Do they just get the overall topic of the book and go from there? How do they choose what to cut Nd keep from the book? Films are such a complex topics to me

I think with the baldoni/lively things also comes from the fact that he wants to shine the light on DV while she wants to makes it look like a woman empowerment movement which people are saying can take away from the real issues discussed in the book.

Thanks @5813 for giving me the opportunity to talk about adaptation. I remember some of the talks that took place about this when RWRB came out and I think my position was that we should be able to look at the film as a work of its own, hence my criticism of it shouldn't automatically offend the fans of the book that it had been adapted from.

I'll try to keep this brief and not turn it into a lesson. My knowledge is only slightly refreshed anyway as I've briefly looked through the notes I had on adaption from many years ago. They're mostly a summary of the major theories regarding the topic.

But first of all, let's establish what is an adaption? It's the transfer of a work of art into another medium, different from the one in which it was originally created: from literature to film, literature to music, theater plays to film, a painting into a film/theater play, etc. Adaption is not only a product, but also a process. I find the latter a more interesting frame to analyze and understand a work, beyond judgement of values of whether it is a good adaption or not.

Adaption also has an original text as a source which often is seen as having authority over the end result of the adaption. This leads to the principle of fidelity and one that is still considered as the most relevant and important to this day in certain circles, despite the huge amount of scholarly research that has brought forth the numerous ways in which what can be determined as a good adaption doesn't need to be only the one that fully respects the original source.

Going back to the principle of fidelity, you'll find its definition familiar, because it is the main discourse. In this case, an adaptation has to not only capture the artistic and ideological features, but also to reproduce the contents and the structure of the story. A lot of the times, the more an adapted work is as close as possible to the original text, the better it is considered to be (Think of the BBC adaptions of the works of Jane Austen). That is because from that perspective, the original text (often time coming from literature) is considered superior while the second medium will never be able to fully capture the complexity of the book. Hence, for those who use this argument, the cinema and the process of adaptation it engages with is not seen as its own separate art form, with its own grammar through which the transformation of a story can take a new life and create a separate work of art that can stand on its own and be just as valuable.

In contrast, I want to offer some other examples of type of adaptation just so you can get an idea.

Homage adaption – a re-adaption of a former adaption. For example, Gus van Sant's Psycho is an homage to Hitchcock's Psycho which in turn was a story adapted from a book.

There's the adaptation that focuses on romanticizing a past, without investigating it, the focus is on nostalgia – The Great Gatsby from 1974.

An adaptation can be compressed (a 500 page book needs to become a 2-hour movie, there will definitely be cuts) or extended (a short story like John Cheever's The Swimmer had to be extended with other scenes added to it in order to turn it into into a 1h30min film. (extension also applies to films based on music albums)

A favorite of mine is the process through which a text is transformed in order to reflect the ideology of the present, hence also showing its thematic universality. A famous example of this is 10 Things I Hate About You which is an adaption of Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew. The action takes place in the present, all the stylistical elements are contemporary, the dialogue is changed as well, but the essence and the skeleton of the story remains the same.

There's more to this and also grouped based on various schools of thought, but for the purpose of your ask, I think I've answered your question a little bit.

[thoughtfulfoxllama]

I know you guys have been waiting patiently for the second part of my Egyptian Mythology & the Gospels Post (the one about the Facsimiles)

Look, there's a lot about the Facsimiles. I'm going number by number in the Facsimiles, comparing and contrasting the Scholarly & Joseph's Translations. It probably won't be ready for another week

So, here's something to tide you over until then

Facsimile 1 details Anubis (or a priest of Anubis) performing the mummification of Osiris (or Hor, the owner of the Papyrus)

Joseph Smith says it is Abraham's Salvation from the Idolatrous Priest of Elkenah (who I believe is probably a Cthonic Deity from Ur, but I can't be certain)

This shows that this was a moment of rebirth for Abraham. Mummification prepares the deceased for their journey through the Duat (the Spirit World). Abraham's Salvation leads him to abandon Ur, and become a nomad (and his journey to Egypt can be seen as a descent into Hell, similar to Christ. And as we've seen in my last post, Abraham associates both Himself & Christ with Osiris)

Facsimile 2 is a map of the Universe, and this is true for both

It is a hypocephalus, which was placed under the head of the mummy to protect them, and guide them through the Duat

Meanwhile, the Joseph Smith translation focuses on the Temple. Kolob, according to one Theory, is a type of Christ, just like Christ is the center of the Temple Endowment. The Endowment is likewise also to guide us. And let's not forget that figures 3 & 7 specifically mention key-words, and that 8 "cannot be revealed unto the world; but is to be had in the Holy Temple of God"

Facsimile 3 shows Anubis & Ma'at bringing Hor to Osiris & Isis

Joseph Smith said it was Abraham teaching Pharaoh's Court the Principals of Astronomy

This was the hardest to connect, but I think that, as we saw in Facsimile 2, Astronomy isn't necessary literal in the BoA. I think Abraham is teaching the Court the spiritual principles we find in the Temple (Humanity is Divine, we came here to grow & find joy, and we have to live certain principles (make & keep Covenants)), using the Stars as a metaphor, which is even more hammered in by the Creation Narrative immediately following it

And, while discussing the KIrtland Egyptian Papers, I want to cover the Book of Joseph. The Book of Joseph is an (allegedly) untranslated portion of the KEP. It is a copy of the Book of the Dead

I say Allegedly however, because I maintain it was translated. First off, Joseph was alluded to have known the contents of the Book of Joseph as early as 1835. Oliver Cowdery spoke about aspects of the Book of Joseph (including the story of Adam & Eve, something called "Enoch's Pillar," and the Judgement). But, most telling, in my opinion, the Book of Abraham and the Nauvoo Endowment (the Ritual Drama, as opposed to the KIrtland Endowment, which is the modern Initiatory) were both given to the Church in 1842. So yes, I believe the Endowment was received from the Book of the Dead (and Freemasonry)

So, there you go. A super watered down overview of the Facsimiles, and a theory about the Origin of the Endowment. I'll try to get the post on the Facsimiles done by next Sunday

[dwellordream]

“…There is a real belief on behalf of a not insignificant subset of society that the medieval Church was a shadowy organisation dedicated solely to suppressing knowledge and scientific advancement. This is not true.

The Church was in all actuality the medieval period’s largest benefactor of scholars of all stripes. Initially, in the early medieval period much learning was focused in monastaries in particular. Because monks took a vow to eschew idleness, they were always looking for new ways to work for the greater glory of God, or whatever. Sometimes this took the form of doing manual labour to feed themselves, but as monasteries such as Cluny rose to prominence they did more and more work in libraries as well.

Monks copied and embellished manuscripts and kept impressive libraries. Sometimes this work took place inside what we call “scriptoria” where more than one scribe is working at a time. They saw themselves as charged with transmitting knowledge. A lot of that knowledge was, of course, pagan, because they were extremely into classical thinkers. They were also reading this work of course, and writing their own commentaries on it. Many of them took the medical texts and used them to set up hospitals within their monasteries, as we have talked about before.

Lest you think this is all one big sausage fest, women were also very much about that book life within nunneries. They also had their own scriptoria and were busy scribbling away, reading, writing, and thinking. If you wanted a life where you strove for new scholarly heights, odds were that in the early medieval period you did that inside a monastery on nunnery.

As the medieval period moved on, scholarship eventually moved out of the cloister and into cities when the medieval university was established. The first degree awarding institution to call itself a university was the University of Bologna established around 1088, though teaching had been going on there previously and students had been going to Bologna from at least the late tenth century. Second was the University of Paris, which was established in 1150. Again teaching had been happening there from much earlier, and at least 1045.

Medieval universities weren’t like universities now, in that they didn’t have established campuses or anything like that. They were, more or less, a loose affiliation of scholars who would provide lessons to interested students. The University of Paris, for example, described itself as “a guild of teachers and scholars” (universitas magistrorum et scholarium).

In Paris there were four faculties: Arts, Medicine, Law, and Theology. Everyone had to attend the Arts school first where they would be asked to learn the trivium, which was comprised of rhetoric, logic, and grammar. Basically that meant all undergrads spent their time learning to argue, which is how the whole Abelard thing comes about. Then if they wanted more they could go do medicine, law, or theology. Theology was considered the really crazy good stuff, as medieval theologians were sorta held up in the way we worship astrophysicists like Neil de Grasse Tyson (ugh) or Stephen Hawking now. But if you wanna be a dick and super modern about it and think that nothing is more important than science, you will note that medicine is there and actively pursued.

So what, what does all of this have to do with the Church not being suppressive? Well literally everyone, both scholars and students in a medieval university was a member of the clergy. That’s right. Are you a Christian and you wanna learn about medicine? Well you need to take holy orders first. So every single scientific advancement that came out of a medieval university (and there were plenty) was made by a man of the cloth.

The quick among you might have spotted that the thing about unis is that they were just for dudes though, and that is lamentably true. Women weren’t able to take the same orders as men, which means they were excluded from university training. Plenty of them got tutored if they were rich. (See poor Heloise who just had Abelard, like, do himself at her.) Otherwise there was plenty of sweet stuff going on in nunneries still and always, as the visionary natural biologist Hildegard of Bingen can attest. Monasteries were also still producing good stuff as Thomas Aquinas would be happy to let you know from the comfort of his Dominican order.

Given that all of this is the case, it’s hard to square that circle of “the Church is intentionally suppressing knowledge!” with the fact that everyone actively working on acquiring and furthering knowledge was a member of it and all. The Church was a welcoming home to scholars because it was a place where you got the time needed to contemplate subjects for a long time. If you have your corporeal needs taken care of, then you can go on to think about stuff. The Church offered that.

Having said all of this, there were, of course, plenty of Jewish and Muslim scholars at work in medieval Europe as well. The thriving Jewish communities of the medieval period had their own complex theological discussions about the Talmud, and produced their own truly delightful sexual and scientific theory that I will never tire of reading.

I’ve also talked at length about how Islamic medical advances were very much taken on board by medieval Christians in Europe. The fact that the Christians in holy orders beavering away at the medical faculties of universities across Europe were very much looking to a Muslim guy called Ibn Sinna for medical knowledge makes it hard to see the Church as an oppressive hater of all things non-Catholic. I’m just saying.

What else is at play here? Meh, society writ large. A lot of us in the English as a first language speaking world, and in northern Europe more generally have been raised in a Protestant context even if we ourselves are not Protestant. The thing about that is Protestants, famously, is that they are not huge fans of the Church. Big news, I know. In the Early Modern period this could get kinda wild, with things like the Great Fire of London being blamed on a nefarious “Papish plot”, for example, becoming a nice early example of a conspiracy theory. (That conspiracy theory was still written in Latin at the based of The Monument built to commemorate the fire until 1830 when the Catholics were officially emancipated in Britain. LOL.)

When the whole Enlightenment thing went down, generalised distrust of Catholics was then later compounded by the fact that “serious” thinkers aka Voltaire’s ridiculously basic self began to categorise the accumulation of knowledge specifically in opposition to religious thought. This is the old “Age of Reason” which we currently allegedly reside in, versus the “Age of Faith” idea. The Church as an overarching institution from the age of faith was therefore thought of as necessarily regressive, and it became assumed that it has always been actively attempting to thwart advantage for vaguely sinister reasons that are never fully articulated.

…Now, plenty of people were killed for witchcraft because they were doing medicine. The witch trials were a very real thing, and you know when and where they happened? In the modern period, and usually with a greater regularity in Protestant places. Witchcraft trials peak in general from about 1560-1630 which is the modern period. The most famous trials with the biggest kill count took place in Trier, Fulda, Basque, Wurtzburg, Bamberg, North Berwick, Torsåker and Salem. You know what was going on in most of the places? The Reformation. Witch trials sort of reflected various confessions of Christianity’s ability to effectively protect their flocks from evil. Did Catholics kill “witches” oh you bet your sweet ass they did. So did Protestants, and it was all fucking ugly.

What is important to note is that in countries where Catholicism was static witch trials were largely unheard of. Ireland, the Iberian Peninsula, and Italy, for example, just didn’t go in for them even though they were theoretically in the clutches of a nefarious Church bent on destroying all medical knowledge or something.

Now, none of this is to excuse the multifarious sins of the institutional Church over the years. In many ways my entire career as a medieval historian is a product of the fact that I was frustrated with the Church after 16 years of Catholic school. If you had to go to a High School named after the prosecutor in the Galileo trial, you might also end up devoting yourself to picking intricate theological fights with the Church, OK? (Yes, this is my origin story.)

And that brings us to the crux of the matter: if you make up a bunch of stuff that the Church did not do it makes it harder to critique them of the manifold things they actually did do and are doing right fucking now. We need to be critiquing the Magdalene Laundries; the international cover up of pedophile priests; signing an actual concordant with Nazi Germany; the regressive attitudes towards abortion and contraception that happen still, now, and endanger the lives of countless women. All of this is real, and calls for the strongest possible condemnation.”

- Eleanor Janega, “JFC, calm down about the medieval Church.”

[itsclydebitches]

YYH Recaps: Episode 4 “Requirements for Lovers”

Hello, everyone! It's been quite a while, huh? Ah, the endless cycle of wanting to write and yet, astoundingly, not writing. I know it well.

Good ol' writer's block has skedaddled for a time though, so let's make good use of that and dive into Episode Four: "Requirements for Lovers." 

Ohhh, YYH getting spicy with its titles 😏

Actually wait, I shouldn't be making dumb jokes just yet. First I want to acknowledge a slight change to future recaps: YYH, RWBY, and anything else I might try my hand at. Namely, a lack of pictures moving forward. A few weeks ago — months? I honestly can't keep track — tumblr implemented a new limitation where no post can have more than ten images in it. It's a move that, while I'm sure has its justifications, makes sharing analyses of visually-based media all the more difficult. I'll be doing my best moving forward to describe scenes as needed, as well as combining connected images together to stretch out my limit, but I'm not going to pretend that it'll be the same as getting the visual play-by-play we’re used to. 

Tumblr certainly is a website, huh?  

Anyway, we open on Yusuke once again lamenting the difficulty of hatching a spirit beast that doesn't immediately devour him from the head down. On the one hand this is an admittedly easy way to reset the story over the course of this arc — the storytelling equivalent of waking your character up each morning — yet I cannot deny that if I were undergoing a resurrection test, it would consume my every thought too. Can't really blame Yusuke for endlessly bringing the conflict up when the conflict is this deadly.

Well, deadly for a ghost, anyway.

Specifically, he's worried about how embarrassing it would be to get eaten by something that came out of an egg this tiny. I'm torn between reminding a fictional character that things grow — a pissed off chicken could kick my ass and it started out in an egg too — and just shaking my head over the absurdity of worrying about embarrassment when, you know, you would cease to exist. It's not even a matter of, "What if I die and then I'm embarrassed about it in the afterlife :( " Yusuke is already IN the afterlife. He's got nowhere to go but oblivion!

Luckily, Botan takes a more practical approach to these worries, pointing out that he'll be just fine provided he does some good deeds. Yusuke starts a rant about how do-gooders are only ever out for themselves.

Yusuke, you dumb-dumb, you're a do-gooder now. What was all that help for Kuwabara, hmm? As said, these early episodes exist in a semi-reset loop, where Yusuke needs to stew in his main character flaws for a while before any real growth starts to stick. Those flaws being, primarily, "I'm a pessimist" and "also I hate myself."

Case in point, Botan accuses him of always seeing the glass as half empty. Which, while true enough (outside of his confidence in fighting, anyway), by now we've got a pretty good sense of where Yusuke developed this attitude. He affirms this by talking about how Koenma's got him by the balls, "just another idiot abusing his power!" With an alcoholic mother and those teachers from last episode, it's no wonder Yusuke thinks this way. Mr. Takenaka's interest and Keiko's care aren't enough to combat the rest of Yusuke's experience, not when Takenaka is an outlier and Keiko is Yusuke's peer. Her desire to keep him on the right track reads only as an inevitability at best (the downside of having a perfect childhood friend), or a legitimate annoyance at worst. Or, as we'll continue to see in this episode, a way for them to flirt.

Is it any wonder Yusuke would sneer at Koenma's offer then, expecting the worst? The fact that Yusuke is still undergoing the challenge at all, no matter what he says, speaks volumes to me.

However, Botan is less than comfortable with his criticisms. She panics a bit at Yusuke insulting the (junior) ruler of the underworld so blithely. That, and the fact that he's carelessly tossing his egg around.

(Yes we’re using precious picture space for memes are you SURPRISED?) 

Anyway, Botan isn't just concerned for the sake of concern. She cautions Yusuke against speaking too freely because there may be investigators checking in on his progress. No sooner does he ask what those investigators look like than one appears.

Thunder! Lighting! An energy so intense that Yusuke is briefly blinded! It is, as he says, quite the entrance. What kind of being could possibly be at the heart of such an astounding show?

Why, this teeny-tiny cutie, of course.

Remember, few appearances in YYH coincide with the character's true self. Would you ever assume this is the all-powerful investigator who holds Yusuke's future in her hands? Of course not. That's the point.

The investigator introduces herself as Sayaka and immediately demonstrates that she has no more patience for Yusuke's attitude than Botan does. "These damn kids," he mutters and my brain briefly blue screens because Yusuke. You're fourteen.

Plus, Sayaka and Botan clearly have some sort of eternal youth situation going on, so there's that too.

Sayaka is, in a word, fantastic. She pulls no punches with Yusuke, teleporting away from him with what can only be described as a shit-eating smile, all while refusing to tell him what exactly she's investigating. “I’m sorry, but that’s a secret!” However, Keiko is clearly at the forefront of her interest. She refers to her as Yusuke's "girlfriend."

Botan is more than happy to point Keiko out — because of course they're still following her around! — and pulls a Et tu, Brute? on Yususke, leading Sayaka right to her. Like most of the Underworld, Sayaka is rather shocked that the pretty, popular, scholarly girl is supposedly into the delinquent. It's the power of childhood friendship, you fools! Specifically, Sayaka references the "positive markings" that Keiko has accumulated, but the audience already knows by now that such markings are suspect at best. Yusuke himself is proof of that. So if his terrible marks don't preclude him from being a young kid's savior, should we really view Keiko's as proof of superiority?

I mean, Keiko is fantastic, but that's not really the point here.

Starting her own investigation into Yusuke's life, Sayaka begins with one hell of a bombshell: "There's no point in doing [the resurrection] if the people closest to you don't care." WOW. Not only is that a harsh assessment, it's one I don't think I can personally get behind. The offer to restore Yusuke to life is built on the acknowledgment that their system is flawed (even if there's no work to change or dismantle that system): they thought he was worthless, his sacrificial death seems to have proven them wrong, and now they want further evidence, in the form of this trial, that Yusuke is a good person at heart. The whole point of this challenge is to give him a second chance, with testimonies like Mr. Takenaka's emphasizing that Yusuke has always been capable of more, so long as he applies himself. This, as we'll see throughout the series, applies to relationships too. The Yusuke with one friend he play-fights with, a distant mother, and a school worth of kids who are terrified of his very name is not the future Yusuke they expect him to become, so... why base his resurrection on what he's already (not) accomplished? Granted, the show is very unclear about what, if anything, Sayaka will do if she decides that Yusuke doesn't have a life worth going back to (even if I have my own theory discussed at the end), but the fact that this is suddenly a factor at all seems grossly unfair, not entirely unlike Kuwabara's rigged promise. We as the audience know that people love Yusuke. Yusuke himself is beginning to acknowledge that. But if this fourteen year old delinquent truly had no one that wanted him back from the dead... isn't that all the more reason to allow a resurrection and give him the chance to build a life where he would be missed? 

This stupid shonen got me thinking too much istg. 

Yusuke, ever the self-deprecating pessimist, bypasses all of the above thoughts and jumps straight to, "It's clear if [Keiko] had any sense she'd want me gone." I'd find that attitude incredibly sad if I wasn't distracted by how cute Botan and Sayaka are, sitting on the oar together. The spirit girls who fly together, thrive together! 

Botan starts teasing Yusuke about having a crush, which just feeds his temper and Sayaka's confusion. Deciding that she needs to gather more info, they follow along for an average day of school because these earlier episodes are, apparently, ghost-stalk Keiko hours. 

We see her reading aloud in class from Heart of Darkness (not the easiest book for some middle schoolers), scoring a point during volleyball practice, refusing to let one girl cheat off her homework, but happily helping another who runs up with a question. So she's pretty, athletic, and academically successful, the trifecta for any good love interest. Sayaka is impressed not just with her "nearly perfect" scores, but also the maturity that Keiko demonstrates, such as maintaining her morals about cheating while remaining compassionate. 

Actually, I really love the contrast this provides for us, the viewer. Meaning, Keiko is shown to be at her least mature when in Yusuke's presence. Not that her responses aren't justified, but watching her dramatically snatch gum from his mouth, slap him across the face, or pull crazed expressions as she yells at him is a far cry from this calm, poised, soft-spoken Keiko. It's a way to visually show us that she's comfortable in his presence, despite the suspect humor attached. Not that the Keiko we see at school is faking or anything — she is legitimately that kind and articulate — but we see that being with Yusuke allows her to relax in a way she doesn't with others. School!Keiko is, as Sayaka says, pretty much perfect, 24/7. Yusuke's Keiko is a little rougher around the edges, in a way that implies a multifaceted personality shining through. 

However, the only conclusion our trio draws is that, given Keiko's accomplishments, any attraction must be one-sided.

Poor Yusuke lol. 

In a plot move that is so ridiculously contrived, just as Yusuke is grappling with the accusation that Keiko couldn't possibly like him back, a "handsome boy" arrives to ask Keiko out. He says that he couldn't bear it when she stopped reading Heart of Darkness because he's fallen in love with her voice. "Will you be my girlfriend?" 

Please excuse me while I lose my shit over how ridiculous this is. I legitimately straight up cackled when I watched this scene. 

Luckily for Mr. Absurd, Keiko takes him seriously — and lets him down easy. She says she can't be his girlfriend and when he presses the "Why?", asking if she already likes someone else, Keiko confirms that she does. This is done through a shot of her feet. Not a POV shot given the angle, but close enough that it feels like we're stepping into Keiko's shoes (haha), shyly staring down at the floor in embarrassment and regret. 

Rejection complete? The guy screams. 

I mean he screams. 

I mean this nobody we're never gonna see again unhinges his jaw and lets out an unholy shriek the likes of which makes me shriek in utter GLEE. 

It's insane. It's wonderful. I'm going to use one of my coveted image spots to show you his face: 

Look at that and tell me this show isn't amazing. 

Okay, I'm focusing again. As Keiko runs off Botan and Sayaka start dragging Yusuke, teasing him about how Keiko chose him over that "charming handsome boy." 

...Please scroll up and look at that image again. I find YYH's definition of "charming" and "handsome" to be hilariously wrong. 

Yusuke, as per usual, throws himself into damage control, claiming that Keiko didn't say who she liked, so really it could be anyone. They're not buying it. “'I like Keiko' is written all over your face!” Botan crows. Meanwhile, Sayaka is scribbling in her little investigator's journal that feelings on both side are severely misunderstood. "Suggest serious counseling." 

Fantastic idea, Sayaka. I'd personally suggest counseling for the whole dying/best friend getting resurrected thing... but relationship woes work too! 

We cut to later when school is out and Keiko has gone over to Yusuke's. To say that Atsuko has done a poor job of keeping the house clean lately would be a serious understatement. 

Keiko points out the old food and broken glass specifically, cluing us in that this isn't just a messy environment, but a dangerous one as well. This is proven when she accidentally knocks a stack of books over and a used bowl falls onto Yusuke's face. What's interesting is that Keiko says that things are "back to normal" now, though I'm not sure if that's in reference to the state of the house, or just the note Atsuko left behind, asking Keiko to take care of Yusuke while she's out. I'm inclined towards thinking it's just the note, partly because of Keiko's shock when she first arrives, because the house wasn't shown to be in this state prior to Yusuke's death (first image above), and because the note is accompanied by a great voiceover that makes Atsuko sound quite sloshed when she left. That's what's normal, the drinking and carefree attitude, not the state of her home. If we buy that reading, it allows for another fantastic look into Atsuko's mental state. If she's already an alcoholic, the trauma of her son's death and the following revelation that he's coming back might make her struggle in other ways. Like finding cleaning to be an impossible task. 

She's depressed. It doesn't excuse the state she's left Yusuke in and, as previously acknowledged, YYH is definitely not a show interested in this nuance, but I still find it fun to take what little we've gotten and run with it. 

However, Keiko is firmly on team "WTF Atsuko." She hurries to make sure Yusuke wasn't hurt by the falling bowl, bemoans him being "covered in garbage," and says that leaving him in this state should be considered a felony. Knowing it's far beyond her power to fix Atsuko's failings, Keiko swears to come here after school every day until Yusuke regains his body. It's as she's cleaning him of the dust that's gathered that Keiko becomes entranced with Yusuke’s features. Particularly his lips. The soft lighting returns, their theme song swells, and Keiko gets thiiiis close to kissing Yusuke for the first time. 

Which is a little weird, right? I mean, we know why Yusuke is freaking out. Beyond the embarrassment of a middle schooler receiving his first kiss while two ghost girls eagerly watch on, he's made a hobby of denouncing his interest in Keiko to anyone who will listen. But for the average viewer — for Keiko herself — don't we care the he's, you know, dead? Or if not technically dead, very unconscious? Don't get me wrong, I fully understand the appeal of this situation in a generalized, cultural sense (with the side disclaimer that I'm reading a Japanese product through an American lens). Sleeping Beauty exists for a reason and there's definitely an element of that here: a gender-reversed setup where Keiko’s kills may break the "curse" of Yusuke's untimely death. Even his in-between state of being mirrors the "death like sleep" of the fairy tale. But when you strip away those Disney-esque thoughts, we're left with a girl about to kiss an unresponsive body, not as a common gesture of care (the parent who kisses their child while they sleep), but as a first time, romantic milestone. 

It's a little weird lol. 

But embrace the romance! As well as its inevitable interruption. Just as Keiko is about to land a peck, the neighborhood watch committee announces a heat and fire warning, startling Keiko out of her thoughts about Yusuke's "beautiful face." (There's another gender reversal for ya.) She gasps at her almost-action, conveniently remembers that her mom wanted her to do some shopping, and hightails it out of there before embarrassment can really kill them both. 

So she runs off for food... in a sweater? The outfit is cute and all, but I wonder what the animators were thinking, putting Keiko in a puffy pullover during an episode all about a heat wave. 

It's about at this point that the plot goes from cute romance to absolutely buck wild. The fires the neighborhood watch committee mentioned are not, in fact, due to the overwhelming heat, but an arsonist that's going around tossing molotov cocktails through open windows. Why is he doing such a thing? I don't know. Arsonists be doing arson, I guess. The important bit is that Yusuke's place is his next target, considering that Atsuko forgot to lock the windows when she went out. Within seconds all that garbage is set ablaze, quite obviously putting Yusuke's resurrection chances at an all time low. 

"Wake up, stupid!" he shouts at his unconscious body. Mood, Yusuke. That's me every morning. 

So this is a full scale emergency now and everyone is scrambling trying to think of something to do. Yusuke comes up with the idea to possess himself like he did Kuwabara — nice attempt at a loophole there — but since it would technically count as his resurrection, no dice. Botan decides to go get Kuwabara himself, even though he's too far away to do anything. It's still worth a shot. Sayaka, meanwhile, watches all this unfold with a somewhat clinical detachment. She's not quite indifferent and she's definitely not cruel... she’s just not as emotionally invested in this as the other two. Which not only re-emphasizes her purpose here, as an observer judging Yusuke, but also highlights the bond Botan is forming with him. As mentioned before in regards to her hanging out with Yusuke rather than ferrying souls, Botan is well past someone assisting Yusuke simply because it's a part of her job. He's her friend. 

We get some shots of the growing fire which includes a hazy texture to the animation I quite like and then we cut to Keiko several blocks away, shopping bag in hand. Word of the new fire spreads, with one bystander mentioning that it's the twelfth today. 

"This is eerie.” 

“Yeah, I can’t help feeling we’re under attack.”

That's because you are! Someone stop that man! 

Sadly, I don't think the arsonist is mentioned again, let alone captured. We'll just have to relegate that to my incredibly niche fic wishlist. 

Keiko also overhears that the latest fire is on fourth avenue, which of course is where Yusuke lives. Recognizing that he might be in trouble, she takes off at a run. 

Meanwhile, Botan finds Kuwabara practicing his kicks against a Yusuke dummy. Amazing resemblance, right? 

Watching for the purpose of recapping, I'm picking up on a lot of details in the animation I quite enjoy. I don't think anyone would claim that YYH, at this point in time, has the most impressive or flashy animation (the fight scenes later are another matter entirely), but there's a clear love for the product that shines through. The scared expression on Kuwabara's dummy. His unexpectedly dainty kick, complete with pointed toes. Botan's more translucent coloring to emphasize her supernatural status compared to Kuwabara. There are a lot of nice touches despite the overall simplicity. 

Plus, you can't forget the lovely irony of Kuwabara fighting a defenseless "Yusuke" while the real guy actually lies defenseless amidst a fire. We already know that despite his tough talk, Kuwabara would be horrified to learn that his friend rival had died (again) in such a manner. 

Capitalizing on that transparency, Botan runs a hand through Kuwabara's back to catch his attention. He gets his "tickle feeling" and instinctively looks around towards Yusuke's house, seeing the smoke. "Something tells me I should go that way." Gotta love a guy who drops everything to chase a vague, supernaturally induced hunch. 

As Kuwabara leaves we cut back to Keiko arriving at the house, staring in horror at the blaze. We get an audio flashback to her talk with Yusuke where she promised to take care of his body until he got back. So she tries to run in, only for a couple of the onlookers to snag her, quite correctly keeping her from undergoing a suicide mission. We learn later that Keiko absolutely would have died without Yusuke's sacrifice, so her "You cowards!" is born more of emotion than justified accusations. It's not cowardly to look at the raging inferno in a small apartment and realize that recklessly running in will only result in two dead teens, not one. 

I mean, the flames are already right there, licking the door. Even if Keiko somehow managed to avoid burns, the smoke alone would do her in. Still, Keiko tries to mitigate the damage by dumping a bucket of water over her head. As a kid I remember thinking this was the smartest thing ever. Utterly inspired. Keep that in the back of your mind, kid Clyde, for future reference. As an adult... I have no idea whether this would actually help or not lol. Any firefighters doubling as YYH fans? 

Recklessness and iffy precautions aside, I can't express how much I appreciate the story giving Keiko things to do. Yusuke recognizes that she's the only one with the maturity and open-mindedness to believe in his resurrection. She's the one picking up Atsuko's slack regarding his day-to-day needs. She never hesitates for a moment, heroically throwing herself into this blaze for Yusuke's benefit. Yeah, a lot of that still falls into the emotional/domestic sphere — what we expect of the love interest in a 90s anime — but too often action stories don't have a clue what to do with their non-action characters, not even when it comes to just supporting the fighters. They're simply... there. Keiko, however, isn't window dressing. Whether it's helping Botan survive an upcoming, supernatural plague, or cheering the team on at the Dark Tournament, Keiko is an important part of the story, despite lacking the fighting prowess of the rest of the cast. 

Just as important, this episode establishes a core equality between her and Yusuke. We just watched Keiko reject a (presumably) accomplished guy for him, telling the audience that these surface differences — academics, power levels, popularity, looks — don't matter to them. Yusuke is not Keiko's lesser just because he doesn't have the same scores in Sayaka's book and Keiko won't become Yusuke's lesser just because she doesn't have spiritual power like he does. The only important thing here is that they love each other and they're both willing to sacrifice everything for the other. In the span of about ten minutes, Keiko nearly gives up her life for Yusuke and, in turn, Yusuke gives up his resurrection for her. The level of care they show towards one another is balanced, despite those differences. 

They’re a good ship, y'all. Even if this recapping's got me noticing Yusuke/Kuwabara potential lol. 

To get back to the plot, a drenched Keiko charges into the fire, yelling Yusuke's name for the drama of it because we all know he can't respond. Despite the audience (hopefully) recognizing Keiko and Yusuke's equality, that memo hasn't reached Yusuke yet. "You're a lot more important to this world than I am!" he yells, hammering home that despite everything — knowing he instinctively saved a child, watching his loved ones grieve for him, helping Kuwabara just because he can — Yusuke still, deep down, believes that he doesn't deserve to come back; that he doesn't measure up to those around him. The self-sacrificial nature this insecurity produces shocks Sayaka. She points out that if Keiko doesn't save his body, he's not coming back. "What's the point of being alive if Keiko has to get killed for it?" 

Keiko means more to Yusuke than the rest of his living existence. Jot that down in your notebook, Sayaka! 

Kuwabara arrives and runs into one of his friends who informs him that Keiko just went inside. “Yusuke’s girl? The one we saved from those thugs?”

BOY does that tell us a lot about their rivalry! I mean yeah, we've already established several times over that Kuwabara — just like Yusuke himself — is not the cruel street thug he'd like to present himself as. If these characters actually wanted to hurt each other outside of a martial arts challenge, don't you think Kuwabara would capitalize on the "Yusuke's girl" bit? Everyone seems to know that they have feelings for each other, but Kuwabara never once wields that as ammunition against Yusuke. There are no taunts about him not being good enough. Or rather, I should clarify there are no serious taunts — Kuwabara is well known for his teasing. There's also no attempt to steal Keiko out from under him, the common treatment of the love interest as a "prize" that many stories fall into. Indeed, later this episode YYH will deconstruct this a bit. Yusuke sees Kuwabara grab Keiko's hand and yells that he better not be getting "fresh" with her. But it's purely Yusuke's worries shining through. The audience gets a crystal clear picture of the situation and knows, categorically, that Kuwabara has only the most innocent of intentions in holding Keiko's hand. 

(Well, running from the police isn't innocent, but...) 

I keep getting sidetracked. Plot! Keiko makes it to Yusuke's room and finds that he is already on fire. She then proceeds to try and put it out by patting it with her hands. I take back what I said about Keiko's smarts in this scene. Now we know where that supposed recklessness comes from though. Apparently they're both immune to fire! Nothing to worry about here, folks. 

JK she's actually in danger, despite the animation choices. By this point everyone, including Keiko, realizes that there's no way out: the fire has blocked the door. Sayaka then reveals that there is one way to save her. If Yusuke throws his egg into the fire, the energy of the spirit beast will release and guide her to safety. The catch? Hatch the egg early and it won't complete its intended function of guiding him back to his body. This beast is gonna guide one person and that is it. 

Cue Yusuke's near immediate decision to sacrifice his life for Keiko's. Granted, it's not precisely one life for another. Yusuke's resurrection was always contingent upon the beast not devouring him whole — something Koenma claims would have happened at the end of the episode — meaning that it's not technically a fair trade. Yusuke might have sacrificed Keiko's life for his own... only to fail to get that life back anyway. (There's a tragedy for ya.) To say nothing of how Yusuke is currently dead and has been for at least a couple of days, whereas Keiko very much is not. There's some sort of philosophical discussion there about potential being pit against current reality. 

BUT that's not the point! The emotional point is that he sacrificed his life for hers — the potential of his resurrection, the potential of that life he might have led — all technicalities aside. And I, for one, think that's very neat of him. 

A blue light shines as the egg's energy is released, providing a lovely contrast to the fire surrounding them. A path forms to the door and Keiko, recognizing Yusuke's presence, follows it. "We'll make it, Yusuke," Keiko says, which is one hell of a sucker-punch now that we know she's just carrying a corpse. Unbeknownst to Keiko, Yusuke is very much not making it. That's the only reason why she is. 

Kuwabara appears to help them the rest of the way which is also a pretty awesome thing considering that, from everyone else's perspective, the fire is still raging and blocking the door. Despite his spiritual awareness, Kuwabara gives no indication that he noticed this strange light, or Yusuke's hand in the rescue. Which basically means he lunged into a bunch of deadly fire for Keiko and doesn't question how in the world he isn't burned. 

Keiko's hands are fine, Kuwabara's whole body is fine... fire immunity must run in the friend group! 

Yusuke has another rare moment of vulnerability — "They're both okay" — and I cackle happily at the "both" because see. You love Kuwabara too, Yusuke! All this bluster about hating him and finding him annoying. The second he rushed into that fire you were crawling up the walls. 

Except then that happiness gives way to something that sounds a little more shocked. Devastated. "Well, I sure am... relieved..." Kudos to Cook's voice acting. You can hear the exact moment Yusuke realizes what he's done. Not that he regrets it, but the consequences are finally sinking in. He's relieved that they're safe, yes, but now he's never going to be able to rejoin them. 

As Yusuke has an(other) existential crisis, Kuwabara peels back the blanket Keiko had wrapped Yusuke in, revealing his face. “What are you doing with Yusuke’s body?! Are you some type of sick grave robber?” he shouts. God I love when a story actually keeps track of who knows what. Kuwabara, for all his recent involvement in the plot, doesn't actually know what's going on. From his perspective Yusuke died, he made a scene at the wake, he saved "his girl" from a bunch of thugs, lost a huge chunk of time only to wake up with her randomly hugging him (then slapping him), participated in a bet with his awful teacher and had a couple weird, Yusuke related dreams while studying, and has felt the presence of ghosts perhaps a little more frequently than usual. Now he's trying to help save Keiko from a fire only for her to reveal she risked her own life for Yusuke's body. Of course he's freaking out! What's she doing with that? 

What's utterly fantastic though is that Kuwabara takes all of five seconds to process this and then enters immediate Ride or Die mode for Keiko. She's been hoarding Yusuke's body for undetermined reasons? Well, who is he to judge? The important thing here is that people are arrested for keeping bodies, so they've gotta skedaddle before the firefighters show up. 

Hence, hand-holding and avoiding arrest. 

As Yusuke starts threatening Kuwabara not to get "fresh" with her, Botan sadly reminds him that he no longer has a say in who Keiko does or does not fall in love with. The switch in tone is jarring. Whereas before Botan would have teased him mercilessly for the crush, now she knows that nothing can come of that — and it would be cruel not to remind Yusuke of that too. 

"Oh no. I didn't think..." Yusuke whispers, further establishing that he knew the risks of using his egg, but hadn't allowed them to sink in yet. Now they have. 

He gives a fake little laugh with, "Just when it was getting good" and I cry at the development in the span of just four episodes. Despite what I said at the beginning about the show resetting each week, there has been a lot of change thus far. Yusuke wants to live now! He wants to be there for Keiko! He looks down on his tiny family and screams at the unfairness of it all! They're talking about how they can't wait for him to come back and now that's never gonna happen!!

It hurts, friends. It hurts a whole lot. 

During this conversation between Keiko, Atsuko, and Kuwabara, we see that a couple of hours have passed (it's nighttime now, the fire is out) and Atsuko is apologizing for putting them all in danger like that. And by that I mean yes, she does technically apologize with an "I'm sorry" and everything, but it's also a one sentence apology pit against... well, near death for the three people standing (and sitting) before her. Atsuko seems just as concerned by Keiko losing her hair as she does Keiko nearly burning to death and she kneels by Yusuke's wheelchair, baby-talking to him about how he forgives her, right? I love Atsuko, she's great, but objectively speaking she is not a good mother. Not right now, anyway. 

Oh yeah, and just to reiterate that: Keiko's hands are fine after patting down Yusuke's on-fire body, but her hair, which I'm pretty sure never catches, has to be cut short. Ah, anime logic. Funny thing is, YYH isn't the only story to take the love interest and give her a cool, short cut thanks to a traumatic event. Anyone read Ranma 1/2? 

During this conversation we also learn that, sometime between the fire and now, Keiko filled Kuwabara in on everything that's happening with Yusuke. Makes sense. He kneels beside the wheelchair, joining the others in telling Yusuke that they'll wait patiently for his return. Yusuke, above them, continues yelling about how they're waiting on a dead man. 

“It can’t be helped. He made this decision on his own." 

Except it can, in fact, be helped!

Just as all hope is truly lost, Koenma appears and announces that Yusuke will be returned to life. Why? Because sacrificing his egg for Keiko is a better indicator of his worth than the egg itself could have been. Despite feeding on his negative outlook and heading towards biting Yusuke's head off — something the animation backs up by showing us teeth during the fire

— Yusuke's act demonstrates a tendency towards being a "decent human being" that is "so rare." Wow. That's depressing. Still, yay that Yusuke has those qualities! And this, to my mind, helps explain Sayaka's presence. Koenma recognized that judging Yusuke couldn't be left to the egg alone and indeed, Sayaka took note of his worth before he ever threw the egg into the fire. First it was questioning why someone as amazing as Keiko would go for him, then it was solidified through the shock of Yusuke announcing that coming back to life was meaningless if she wasn't in it. Even if Keiko had somehow, miraculously escaped the fire before Yusuke's sacrifice, I bet Sayaka's report would have tipped him in resurrection's favor anyway. 

Everyone is, of course, overjoyed and my heart swells at the intense gratitude Yusuke displays. My favorite part though is when Koenma cryptically says that “Your added experience with death could make you very useful" (a nod towards future events that goes right over Yusuke's head) and his response to this is a yelled, "YOU THINK I'M USEFUL?" This poor kid. The God of everything ever is chucking out revelations left and right, about resurrections and spirit beasts, but the only thing that really penetrates is the realization that someone thinks he's useful. Talk about relatable. 

You know, I've been thinking about why this moment works so well. I mean, there are a lot of other stories where undermining the consequences our hero faces — either with humor, or by erasing them completely — can feel like the audience was cheated. I think YYH dodged that with a couple of crucial factors. First, Yusuke's consequence isn't something new that he's now avoided, it's just a permanent extension of something he was already dealing with. We did get to watch him inhabit the space between life and death, grappling with whether he'd ever be able to return. The story didn't deny us that growth, it just confirmed something we all instinctively knew: this tale won't end here with Yusuke permanently going to some afterlife. Second, the Deus ex Machina fix doesn't happen too soon. Yeah, it's only a couple of minutes in a single episode, but we (and Yusuke) still get to sit with that outcome for a while, soaking it in before its removal. Finally, there's no doubt that Yusuke earned this reprieve. Koenma's timing might be sudden and (if you're not genre savvy) unexpected, but looking back at the series as a whole thus far, we're able to agree absolutely that Yusuke deserves this. Far from feeling like we were cheated, this solution invites just as much celebration as we're seeing on screen, for the simple reason that we can buy into Koenma's reasoning. We know now that Yusuke is a good person. We saw him selflessly sacrifice his future for Keiko. We agree that he deserves a second chance. 

Thus, the episode ends with Yusuke flying up to fill the screen in his joy, a far better, final shot than Harry Potter and The Prison of Azkaban managed 😰

And that's it for Episode 4, folks! See you later for Episode 5 💕

[arizona-trash-bag]

I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.

Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.

Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.

For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.

For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)

Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year.  All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it���s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.

I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!

wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.

I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?

in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.

first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)

from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.

china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.

safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.

as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.

as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?

PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁‍♀️

[sami-at-ciela]

Prompt 14: Commend

Or: “tfw the entire Crystarium now ships WoL/Exarch”

Spicy take: sometimes I headcanon G’raha with a bit of a tum because A. surely you know scholarly types and their whacked-out eating habits and B. it’s cute, leemee malone.

The “aetherfat” joke, uhhh... I think I explained it in the story but basically the WoL becomes a frigging aetheric Mr. Creosote after that 4th Lightwarden. I’m being unabashedly terrible today.

Our favorite Weird Animal Duo shows up here too (and everything is their fault today).

Generic Shadowbringers spoilers warning because this is plot-vacuumed.

Rhea found herself in the Crystarium markets once more, except this run was different from usual.

Shopkeepers were calling her over left and right, offering her reduced prices and 2-for-1 specials on just about everything. However, ‘everything’ pertained mostly to foodstuffs and the occasional wardrobe piece for some reason.

When a certain shopkeeper thrusted a rather large box of chocolates at her, said they came “highly recommended,” and finished the exchange off with a wink, that was the last straw.

She barged into the Ocular with her rather large haul in tow, sparing the Exarch not even a single second to compose himself. “Did you seriously use your clout to get me discounts on every kind of food in the markets?”

It turned out that G’raha needed that second. “I’m sorry, what?”

“G’raha, hon, if you wanted another date night, you could have just told me instead of making the shopkeepers do a wink-wink-nudge-nudge at me,” Rhea grumbled as she set the bags down.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” G’raha said, gradually becoming more flustered. “If they did decide to do that, they did it of their own volition, most likely as a celebration of your victory.”

“No way, this was like they knew what we get up to,” Rhea said as she shook her head. “Either you whispered words in the right ears or someone else blabbed.”

“I’m telling you, I didn’t do anything!” G’raha’s flustering was turning into frustration. “If I had to guess, I’d say Alisaie is a likely culprit, since you occasionally inform her of our affairs.”

“Please. She’s invested, but she’s not a gossip.” Rhea sighed, finally accepting the Exarch’s innocence and not wanting to launch a whole investigation at that moment. “Fine. I guess we can just take this as a token of the people’s generosity. The people of the Crystarium are like that, anyway.”

“They are,” G’raha said, finally relaxing. He approached Rhea to survey her haul, peeking inside the bags. “There’s enough here for several ‘date nights,’” he murmured.

“I guess we’re taking a weekend off at some point?” Rhea suggested.

“I’d be in favor of that,” G’raha said, tilting his head. “At least we don’t have to worry about the ‘aetherfat’ getting in the way, hmm?”

Rhea snorted at the mention of the old joke. “Yeah, I fixed that! My aether is no longer morbidly obese from eating Lightwardens. You, on the other hand...” A sly smile spread across her face as she gave G’raha’s tummy a poke.

“What exactly is that supposed to mean?” G’raha asked, giving Rhea’s poking finger a pointed stare.

Rhea sighed and pulled G’raha in for a hug and a squeeze. “It’s all right. As much as you grumble about not wanting to be interrupted, I can tell you feel better when I feed you.”

“That’s not an answer- wait, are you calling me fat?” G’raha was mollified by the contact until he wasn’t.

Rhea just giggled and mashed G’raha’s head into her bosom. “No, I just know you like to eat and it’s cute.”

G’raha squirmed and made various grouchy noises in Rhea’s hold as his face blushed progressively pinker, but Rhea held on and gave him a scritch behind the ears for good measure. I think I finally spoiled him into enjoying being cared for, she mused.

Meanwhile, a suspicious “Gwee-hee-hee!” rang out somewhere in the distance.

“Man, she got so much swag!” Sparki said. “And the best of it, too!” Beans’s beady eyes seemed to sparkle. “I do hope she will build a fantastic nest!”

Sparki gave the Serpent of Ronka an affectionate squish with one foot. “You are such a romantic and it’s adorable.”

“Unhand me, knave! I am the night!” Beans proclaimed until Sparki finally did so. “I also hope that the people of the marketplace genuinely wished to support their leader and hero in their affairs and not just turn a profit.”

“Meh, the people of the Crystarium are better than that,” Sparki said. “I mean, why not both? But seriously, if you looked at those people hawking the sales and bonuses? They shipped it.”

“Shipped it?”

“They wholeheartedly supported the relationship between their dear Exarch and the Warrior of Darkness,” Sparki explained. “After the complete and utter poop that happened after the last Lightwarden, they deserve it.”

“Aye, they do.” A beat passed, and Beans added, “I do know some ancient fertility rituals-”

“Gods, Beans, let them have some time to enjoy each other’s company without a ‘clutch’ of babies in the way!” Sparki gave Beans another squish for good measure. “For what it’s worth, after our little suggestions, I’m sure they will.”

The discussion was interrupted when some small child pointed at Sparki and said, “Look, mommy, the little amaro has a beard!”

“Time to scram- er, gwee gwee!” Sparki scuttled out of the area with a quickness, rolling Beans along as she did so.

[luninosity]

author events! demon news! exciting things!

So I've got a couple of exciting author events coming up, plus some Demon for Midwinter series news! **First, on the more academic side, my scholarly publisher McFarland (they specialize in pop culture studies) is having a Virtual Author Fair this Saturday, March 6, from 1pm to 5pm EST (that's 10-2 in PST, where I am)!. We'll have 18 authors talking about their books and scholarly projects, on topics including film, history, ethics in Terry Pratchett's fantasy, gender and superheroes, the music of Bruce Springsteen, religion in horror films, memoir, motherhood, and more! The full schedule and event link is available here at the Facebook event site (most info is under the Discussion tab) - I'll be the second speaker, talking about ethics and Sir Terry Pratchett, and then popping in again for the roundtable at the end. (If you can't find or need help with the Zoom link, just ask - we're using my Zoom because it's unlimited!) It's all free, so drop in and out as you like! McFarland is also providing a discount code you can use on the books by participating authors - use code VVAF for 20% off, through March 14! So come join us on March 6 for some scholarly pop culture discussions! **Second, the second (heh) Rainbow Space Magic online LGBTQ+ science fiction and fantasy convention will be happening March 12-14! We'll have a wonderful array of workshops, panels, and readings - you can find the full schedule here and registration (free) here! The times for my events specifically are: panel: Fandom & Fanfiction, Saturday PT 7:00pm / MT 8:00pm / CT 9:00pm / ET 10:00pm (come listen to us chat about interpretations, subversions, and transformations of narratives!) author reading: Sunday PT 8:00am / MT 9:00am / CT 10:00am / ET 11:00am (*assuming we stay in listed order, I'll be the last one reading) (I'm thinking probably something from "Frost & Raine" because that's recently published and I think - I hope? - sometimes decently funny...though maybe I'll pull out something brand-new and currently in progress, like the opening of Magician, because I'm enjoying writing it so much! I mean, our titular magician likes tropical beaches and hot baths and honey in his tea, and does not enjoy being disturbed by a terribly earnest young prince On A Quest...) **Third, the Demon for Midwinter news! Two things are happening! ~First, there'll be a tiny ~free~ bonus scene short story releasing March 20! It's called "Bedknobs & Brimstone," and it's very short - just under 2k words - and it's essentially about...well...let's go with, "oops, I have a lot of magic now and accidentally set our bed on fire while we were mid-foreplay, sorry?" Poor Justin. At least his husband's an empath and can reassure him! ~Second, there'll be a box set of the completed series coming - also in March, more or less! As soon as that final free bonus story comes out, the whole set will go into Kindle Select first for three months, and then wide everywhere! With a shiny new cover! ** I think that's all the exciting news! Come join us at any or all of the above! See my face (if that’s, y’know, an inducement) and hear me talk about things! Enjoy everything all the lovely and brilliant other authors and scholars have to share with you! Buy some enticing books! <3

[thefinalcinderella]

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru Chapter 4 - The Track Meet (Part 1)

Full list of translations here

Previous | Next

The period from spring to early summer was the season for tournaments; it seemed that every week there was a track meet organized by a university or an athletic meet sponsored by a corporation.

With track meets being their immediate goal, there was also more commitment to practice. Now only Prince and King jogged with Kiyose in the mornings and evenings. Everyone else was now actively completing the training regimen, with Kiyose almost never having to drag them out of bed anymore.

Kiyose casually instructed them according to each of their personalities. For Shindou, who found joy in steadily completing quotas, he created a detailed regimen, and he responded to discussions about training methods until the scholarly Yuki was convinced. Jouta got more motivated when he was praised, so Haiji frequently cheered him on during training, and for Jouji, who ran even if left alone, he purposely didn’t bring up any topic related to running.

Kiyose basically let the residents run however they liked. He thoroughly explained the plan for the training to them and only gave a little advice on what was needed. That way, he skillfully brought out each resident’s motivation. Kakeru felt like he was seeing magic. Without coercion, without setting up penalties, Kiyose waited so patiently to an almost persistent degree until they felt like running. Until now, Kakeru hadn’t known there was such a way of doing things.

If Haiji-san had been my coach when I first started doing track, maybe I could have been a faster runner by now. That was what Kakeru thought. In fact, the residents of Chikusei-sou were slowly but certainly shrinking their times.

On the other hand, Kiyose’s attitude also felt too lenient. The people he was dealing with were impromptu runners; no better than amateurs. He had to have them train even harder or they wouldn’t be good enough for the qualifiers. Kakeru was irritated, wondering if Haiji really was serious about going to the Hakone Ekiden.

“Most of you have now gained the ability to safely run five-thousand meters in under seventeen minutes,” Kiyose said to the gathered residents, who were in the midst of having a drinking party in the twins’ room. No matter how exhausted they got from training, everyone drank together once every ten days—there were no non-drinkers in Chikusei-sou. Since they were a group that liked alcohol, when everyone drank together it was good stress relief in and of itself.

“It’s just that we have many beginners here. You’re probably also worried for your first race. I’ve signed us up for some track meets, so just take it easy and get a time under seventeen minutes at some point.”

Prince, who was reading a manga next to Kakeru, stealthily asked, “Why is Haiji-san so fixated on seventeen minutes?”

“You need an official record of five-thousand meters within seventeen minutes in order to participate in the Hakone Ekiden qualifiers,” Kakeru whispered to Prince, who didn’t seem to have remembered any of the rules at all. “We’re participating in official tournaments and track meets in order to get that official record.”

“Did you forget that even though it was explained before?” The rim of Yuki’s glasses glittered, as though he was saying, But you sure do remember manga titles well. “No matter how you look at it, it seems like Haiji’s strategy is only focused on participating in the qualifiers.”

“It seems like it.” Kakeru nodded at Yuki’s words.

“Well, I also think that’s reasonable, though.” Yuki somberly took off his glasses and wiped his lenses with a handkerchief that didn’t have a single wrinkle. “Kakeru, shouldn’t you be in an intercollegiate?”

Kakeru was silent. Instead, Prince asked, “What’s an intercollegiate?” Yuki immediately went over to the corner of the room where Nico-chan was making wire dolls. Prince was still waiting for an answer, his manga open in his hands.

“It’s a track-and-field championship between universities,” Kakeru said. “The Kanto Intercollegiate is in May, and the All-Japan Intercollegiate is in July.”

“Why don’t we join too?”

“It’s a tournament for top-level student runners, so the base time that’s the standard for participation is stricter than for the Hakone qualifiers.”

“Hmm,” Prince seemed puzzled and returned his gaze to the manga on his lap. “But Kakeru, you can clear that time, right?”

Of course he could. However, Kakeru ended the conversation with only a vague smile.

Kiyose passed around a handout to the residents, who were all sitting wherever they liked. It had the schedule of various track meets organized by universities and Kakeru immediately put the paper down on the tatami mats like it was something awfully heavy. He was hesitant to go to a track meet, much less an intercollegiate; the people who he was with on his high school track team would surely be in places where strong schools gathered, and Kakeru still didn’t want to face his old teammates yet.

Kiyose continued to explain with the paper in hand.

“First is the Tokyo Sport University track meet. The Douchidou University track meet is at the start of May. The Kikui University meet is two weeks later. If those don’t work out, there’s a TSU meet again at the end of June. I want you all to take your time breaking through the seventeen-minute wall, without rushing.”

 “There’s meets during Golden Week?”

“The end of June is rainy season. I don’t wanna run in the rain.”

Jouta and Jouji complained, but it was all talk. Because they were already gaining confidence in training as it was, their eyes were filled with a determination that said “I’ll definitely get a time within seventeen minutes at the earliest stage!”

“But, if you want to take part in the intercollegiate, you’ll need to go full throttle starting from the first TSU meet. The deadline for creating a standard participation record for the intercollegiate is this meet,” Kiyose said. “We won’t get intercollegiate points, but as track athletes, it’s important to join intercollegiate competitions. What do you think, Kakeru?”

Kiyose had called out to him, but Kakeru’s mind was elsewhere. When he was asked another question—“Kakeru, what’s wrong?”—his gaze jumped up from the handout.

“No, it’s nothing.”

“Hey, hey, what’s an intercollegiate point?” Because Jouji asked that, Kakeru was able to escape from Kiyose’s probing gaze.

“I’ve been keeping quiet until now, but...” Kiyose straightened his back and raised his voice to convey it to everyone, not just Jouji. “The Hakone Ekiden qualifiers aren’t just a competition based on the pure combined times of ten people running twenty kilometers.”

The residents, who were all chatting as they pleased, shut their mouths. The room fell into silence, and gazes filled with doubt and confusion focused on Kiyose.

“There are ten spots in the main race for teams that advance from the qualifiers, but one of them is actually the ‘selected team’. Even among the universities that don’t advance to the main race, there will be some runners with good times in the qualifiers; that team is a relief measure for them. It’s not a very good choice of words, but it’s basically a mishmash team.”

“So in actuality, there’s only nine schools that can take part in the Hakone Ekiden through the qualifiers?” Shindou said.

“Exactly. Among those schools, the universities that are ranked seventh or lower have their final ranking determined by adding intercollegiate points to their total time in the qualifiers. It’s a huge pain to explain, but to put it simply, how it works is that schools that produce good results in intercollegiates will get points accordingly, and seconds will be deducted from their total time. There have been cases where, thanks to intercollegiate points, the final total time was more than five minutes less than the actual time.”

“So, does that mean that even if you’re in the top rankings just from your results in the qualifiers, it’s possible for you to not be able to compete in the main race because of sudden turn-arounds due to intercollegiate points?” Jouta asked.

“Yeah. The Hakone Ekiden is broadcast on TV in January, so it’s good publicity for universities. So, the schools tend to think that all they need to do is recruit a bunch of good runners and compete efficiently in the Hakone Ekiden. The intercollegiate point system is meant to discourage those schools from doing that. It’s telling them to participate in competitions properly and develop runners who can not only handle a long-distance road relay race but also the track itself, which is the main focus in track and field.”

“Sounds pretty fishy,” Nico-chan smiled wryly.

“I guess money is involved no matter what world you’re in,” Shindou sighed drearily, perhaps thinking about the importance of publicity.

In defiance of the daunted atmosphere in the room, King spoke.

“Alright. Haiji, Kakeru, go out to that intercollegiate and earn those points.”

“They can’t do that,” Yuki cut him down coldly. “We’re a small club. The points are based on the ranking of each university in the intercollegiate and the number of participants. No matter how hard Haiji and Kakeru work in the intercollegiate, it’s hopeless.”

“We are in a difficult situation. We have no money, and apparently we can’t take part in intercollegiates either. What in the world are we going to do?”

“Don’t worry.” Pulling himself together, Shindou encouraged Musa, who had his shoulders slumped. “We just have to get within the top six at the qualifiers. The intercollegiate points won’t matter that way. A weak school should act like a weak school and compete proudly with their total time alone.”

 “Well said, Shindou,” Kiyose nodded, looking pleased.

“I think that total time is the biggest problem we’re currently facing, though,” Yuki pointed out quietly.

“Well, let’s assume that we go to the meets and gradually improve our times,” Nico-chan said while producing wire dolls. “Kakeru and Haiji should go to the intercollegiate and blow away those guys from the other schools.”

“Alright. Kakeru, Haiji. In any case, earn those points,” King said again.

“I told you…it’s impossible for just two people to earn points.”

“King-san isn’t listening to anyone at all.”

Jouta and Jouji reproached King. Kakeru continued to say nothing; he couldn’t afford to mind King, who was encouraging him to take part in the intercollegiate. While looking at the letters “TSU”, he remembered something.

I’m pretty sure Sakaki got into TSU… His high school teammate’s face appeared in his mind. He felt gloomy, like the rainy season had come slightly early.

If he took part in the TSU meet, he would definitely come face to face with Sakaki. I wonder what would happen when that time comes. Can the current me beat Sakaki, who got into a powerhouse track school?

Kakeru, who left the twins’ room pretending to go to the washroom, immediately went down the stairs and opened the sliding door of the entrance. The gravel in the yard glowed under the starlight. It was as though it was inviting him—to a shining white road—to a place deep within Kakeru’s very heart.

Reflexively, he was about to start running, but then noticed that he was in his orthopedic sandals and stopped. He sensed Nira coming out from beneath the veranda. Kakeru breathed a sigh and then slowly walked towards the main house. Nira’s wet nose pushed against his toes, and Kakeru knelt down and stroked his warm fur.

Nira suddenly wagged his tail vigorously. The sound of gravel being stepped on came from behind him. He knew who it was without turning around; it was Kiyose.

Kiyose, who knelt down next to him, tickled Nira between his ears. Nira snorted happily. He waited for a while, but Kiyose kept silent, so Kakeru was the one who broke the ice.

“Are you really going to make me compete in the meets and intercollegiate?”

“Of course. We’re ultimately going to the Hakone Ekiden, after all.”

“It’ll definitely be a bad experience. I’ve been told that a lot.”

“Why?” Kiyose asked with a mild tone, working the meat around Nira’s neck. Kakeru looked at his face from the side.

“Haiji-san, you know, don’t you? You’ve probably heard about my reputation in high school.”

“About how you’re very fast?”

“That’s a good reputation. I’m talking about…”

“Kakeru,” Kiyose interrupted him. “Listen, your past or reputation aren’t the ones running. You yourself right now are the one running. Don’t be fooled. Don’t turn around. Become stronger.”

Kiyose stretched his knees and stood up while saying “ow ow ow”. Kakeru and Nira looked up at him. Above his head, the spring constellations glittered like a noble crown.

“Stronger…?” Kakeru asked.

“I believe in you.” Kiyose smiled. He tread over the gravel again and returned to Chikusei-sou.

Kakeru contemplated for a bit while rubbing Nira’s back with his palm. Until now, most people had told him to be faster. But this was the first time he had been told to be strong. What did it mean to be strong?

He wasn’t sure. But Kiyose said he believed in Kakeru.

In his chest, which had been frozen for a long time, he felt a small fire being lit. It kept back the torrent of violence that was always surging within him and kept away the voice of temptation that pushed him on into dark places. Kiyose’s words were filled with a quiet power; it was as though they blew off the fear and trepidation within him.

“Alright.”

Muttering, Kakeru also stood. He wasn’t very good at thinking about the details anyways. That was why he should just run—just run, without caring about whether he might meet someone unpleasant or have bad experiences. That was the only thing Kakeru could do.

Kakeru told Nira good night.

His fear and hesitation towards taking part in meets faded. On the contrary, he was almost looking forward to seeing how much he could run.

As the TSU meet approached, Kakeru became more and more excited.

It was his first battle in a long while. He was confident that his training until now had been flawless, but even so, every night before he went to bed, various thoughts passed through his mind. If I ran into my old acquaintances, I might get shaken and lose my ability to concentrate on the race. My competition instincts might have gotten dull and I might get the spot where I should make my decisive move wrong. I was able to set a time that grabbed attention in the high school track world, but will that still apply in university?

Bad thoughts came up one after another when he closed his eyes, so he pushed aside his futon and got up. Desperately suppressing the urge to jog right that instant, he steadied his breathing. “Don’t panic, don’t panic.” He stood in the middle of the dark room by himself.

Don’t think about anything. Just imagine. Kakeru told himself. All you have to do is run. While feeling every muscle in your body moving, just keep moving forward.

When he recalled the heat from that time, his anxieties immediately receded, and now he felt unbearably restless and eager, like Nira when he was taken out for a walk.

Alongside the training, Kakeru also diligently attended his classes. Someone who can’t even get their credits can’t get results from running. That was Kiyose’s pet theory. But because he had training, he had to constantly turn down get-togethers and drinking parties. The other residents of Chikusei-sou were also enthusiastic about the meets, so they came home punctually without making side trips and immediately tackled training.

For that reason, it started to become known not only to the shopping district, but also to the people at the university: “Those guys who are living in that rundown apartment seem to be running pretty intently.”

The day before the TSU meet, Kakeru asked a friend from his foreign language class to answer roll call for him in several of his lectures the next day. 

“What’s going on, Kurahara? Are you taking a day off tomorrow?”

“I’m going to a track meet.”

“Oh. That’s right, I heard you’re running a marathon, right?”

“No, it’s not a marathon…”

I’m aiming for the Hakone Ekiden and the track event tomorrow is the five-thousand meter. Kakeru thought, but left out the explanation.

It wasn’t until he entered university that Kakeru discovered this: people who had nothing to do with track didn’t know the difference between marathons and long-distance relay races. When it came to track events, people would laugh like they were shocked, “You’re running five kilometers? Running round and round the track?” Apparently to them, it seemed like a ritual of uncertain origin that they had no idea why anyone would do.

Even though it’s so important to me, track and field is treated surprisingly plainly by the general public. That was his thought when he learned what was to him a shocking truth. At the same time, he felt somewhat amused. So, every day we’re desperately pursuing something most people don’t even care about?

That was why he decided to laugh and be vague this time as well.

“Yeah, well, it’s a meet that’s like a shortened version of a marathon. I’m counting on you.”

“Leave it to me. Good luck,” his friend said with a serious expression. Even though they didn’t understand the situation well, he could tell that they were supporting him wholeheartedly.

That night, Kakeru lay still in a shallow sleep. It was a light, sharp, taut sleep. Good. Kakeru thought in the space between dreaming and waking. This sensation of all the useless and unnecessary things that remained until the end being scraped off, and transforming into a body and mind made for running overnight. 

That was something he had pretended to forget for a long time—the fighting spirit before a competition.

Previous | Next

[janeyseymour]

Made With Extra Love

Hello! A while ago, I made this silly headcanon, and this idea has been nagging at me for quite some time, so here we are! 

Can also be found here!

Since being reincarnated, the queens had fallen into many habits, some good, some not so good. Catherine of Aragon had made it a point to read the newspaper every morning. Anne Boleyn had discovered shoes with wheels connected to the bottom. She could be often found cleaning up a mess after she accidentally rolled into something- mostly Jane’s various flower vases scattered through the house. Jane Seymour had quite a knack for baking, always calling all the queens into the kitchen to try some of her newest desserts. Anna of Cleves went on shopping sprees quite frequently, sometimes dragging along Anne and Katherine. Katherine Howard tended to stick with Jane, always the first in line for a delicious new treat. If she wasn’t with the blonde, she was causing trouble with the second and fourth queen. Catherine Parr often stayed in to work on a new piece of writing, even when her writer’s block hit.

While the queens all developed habits of their own, that’s not to say they didn’t all spend time with each other. Catherine, Jane, and Cathy had all made a habit of going to church on Sunday mornings together. Anne and Kat had a knack for pranking the others, sometimes roping Anna into the chaos. The mothers of the group often stayed up at night to discuss their little ones.

When it came to being in the kitchen though, each queen had their own habits. Here’s how it goes:

Jane Seymour cooked practically gourmet meals from scratch every time she entered the rather large kitchen. The third queen, before becoming queen, had been taught how to be a doting wife. While the blonde wasn’t the sharpest when it came to scholarly subjects, she was certainly the best cook and baker of them all. She had figured out how to properly use all of the appliances in their kitchen rather quickly, and it wasn’t uncommon for any of the queens to walk into the house to an aroma that left their mouths watering and their stomachs growling.

“Janey, what are you making?” Anne wheeled into the kitchen.

“Out. You are not going to eat all of the food before it’s ready,” the blonde tutted.

Anne wheeled herself to just outside the kitchen archway before yelling, “I’m out! Now what are you making!”

“We’re having a casserole, and I’ve already made a pie for dessert.”

The third queen had set out dinner and called the others to take a seat. The five other queens bolted into their seats, quickly said grace, and dove into their meals. Various moans could be heard through the room.

“How do you do it?” Kat asked through a mouthful of food.

“No talking with your mouth full,” Catherine chided gently.

“It’s made with extra love,” the blonde replied casually.

“You should open your own restaurant Seymour,” Anna chimed in. “Lord knows I would be there every day.” Jane looked a bit shocked at such high praise. Her food surely wasn’t that good, was it?

“Well, right now we’ve kind of got our hands full with the show, but maybe someday.”

Ten years after their show had closed, Jane Seymour opened a quaint little diner a few blocks from where their theatre was. Her five queens were the first five in line at the opening. Catherine Parr, now a known columnist, wrote a five star review.

-

Catherine of Aragon could cook. She just wasn’t one to create her own recipes. Instead, she took others’ and added her own flair to them, oftentimes making foods just a tad too spicy for her fellow queens, aside from Anna who devoured every bite.

“Lina, you know I can teach you how to cook? There are only a few rules, and the rest comes from the heart,” Jane would say.

“I know you could Jane, but that’s kind of your thing. Besides, it’s fun to take your food and add some flair to it.”

“Is my cooking not good?”

Aragon flushed. “No no, that’s not what I mean love. It’s just that, I like to add a bit of heat to my food, and you aren’t much one for spice.”

“Oh! I’ll keep that in mind the next time I make something new.”

The next night, Jane was in the kitchen preparing a chicken for dinner when a stroke of genius came to her. She brought all of the spices she had collected in the time they had been back and set them on the counter.

“Lina? Could you come here for a second?” The first queen looked rather surprised when she saw all of the spices set out.

“What on Earth?”

“Well, I was going to make dinner by myself when I thought, why not have the next best cook help me out? Add some of your flair to it!” The blonde seemed excited, so the first queen set about adding different spices to the dish.

As the family sat down for dinner that night, Jane made sure to tell all of the queens that Catherine of Aragon had added her special Hispanic flair to the food. While the dish had a bit of a bite, it wasn’t anything the others couldn’t handle. And besides, Catherine added some extra spice to hers and Anna’s plates.

After that night, it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence to see the first and third queen collaborating on new dishes.

-

Katherine Howard was capable of cooking; she just never quite felt like it and often opted for boxed meals instead. The queens hardly ate out of boxes, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t stocked up.

On this particular night, Jane had been out of town for interviews about the show, and the rest of the queens had nominated Katherine to provide dinner. She had made several packages of ramen noodles and a box of macaroni and cheese. The pink haired queen was rather excited as she called down the others, feeling as though she had a purpose in the house.

“Tonight, we feast like queens!” She grinned, handing each of the four other queens a bowl of ramen and a bowl filled with orange mac n cheese.

“This looks wonderful love,” Catherine lied through her teeth. She didn’t exactly have a taste for the boxed meals Kat loved.

“Thank you!” Kat’s eyes sparkled with excitement as she took a bite of her noodles.

“Why don’t you ever cook anything?” Anna of Cleves asked through a mouthful of cheesy noodles.

“You’re one to talk,” Cathy remarked with a smirk.

“I do cook, just from a box! But if you insist on asking,” Kat sighed dramatically. “I’m preparing for college!”

“You’re planning on going to college?” Anne asked with wide eyes. “Does Jane know about this?”

“Yes she does, but that’s besides the point. When I walk by the university down the street, I see loads of kids eating this kind of food, so I’m preparing by learning how to make the foods I’m going to be eating when I’m there too!”

“You do know Jane isn’t going to let you go to college without popping in at least once a week with a home cooked meal, right?” Cathy had to point it out. There was no way Jane would let her adopted daughter survive off of crappy boxed meals when she could provide a home cooked meal “made with extra love”, as Jane so often liked to put it.

“Can't hurt to be prepared,” Kat shrugged and continued eating her noodles.

-

Catherine Parr was happy to eat whatever the other queens laid out in front of her, but she was just as happy to create meals herself.

“It’s going to spark my creativity Jane,” she would explain to the blonde. Oftentimes, it did spark a bit of creativity in the writer too.

“Cathy, would you mind preparing dinner tonight? Jane’s been exhausted lately, and I’d rather not wake her to make dinner,” Catherine whispered.

“Can’t you? I really have to finish this piece by Friday.” The gesture towards the sleeping queen that Aragon made was enough of an explanation.

“I guess,” she sighed. “Maybe it’ll help me come up with some more to write anyhow.”

“That’s the spirit.” Catherine watched her goddaughter make her way to the kitchen.

“Dinner’s ready!” The sixth queen called sometime later. The smell that wafted through the house was different, although not unwelcome.

Catherine woke a slumbering Jane who replied with, “Oh lord, are we in for some strange concoction tonight.” The others stifled laughter, Cathy feigning hurt.

“So tonight I made chicken and added some ranch seasoning with breading. Here’s to hoping you all don’t find it terrible.” The first five queens looked at the chicken rather scared. Was ranch seasoning meant to go on chicken? Only a bite would tell. Jane would be the first to adventure into the new food.

“This is,” she continued to chew her food. “different. A good different! Well done Cath.” The compliment from the head cook in the house allowed for the others to set their fears aside. This wasn’t going to be like the last time the writer had offered them pickles with peanut butter slathered on them. Surprise washed over their faces as they dined on this interesting food combination Catherine Parr had invented. It would certainly become a dish Cathy would use again in the future seeing as the others were able to stomach it. It was almost as if they enjoyed it.

That night, Cathy was able to finish her article.

“I told you cooking strange food combos cures writer’s block!” the writer would tell Jane in the morning.

-

Anne Boleyn wasn’t allowed in the kitchen after a certain mishap. The queens had been expected to go on a group outing together, but that was quickly dashed when Anne woke up that morning with a migraine.

“I’ll be fine,” she grumbled at the five concerned queens in her room, more than ready to stay by her side for the day. “Go have your fun.” The others hesitantly left the green room and made their way out of the house.

Some time had passed when Anne’s stomach began to rumble. Knowing she was far from the best cook in the house, she settled for some microwavable macaroni and cheese. Even I can’t mess this up, she thought to herself.

Oh how wrong she had been.

The second queen had forgotten to add water to the cup before shoving it into the microwave and turning the appliance on. The next thing she knew, the cup had caught on fire, and she was coughing at the absurd amount of smoke clouding the room. The cup on fire wasn’t going to put itself out anytime soon, and Anne couldn’t find the cursed fire extinguisher in her panicked state. She grabbed the phone and called the emergency line and Jane.

Within minutes, the police and fire department had come to save the woman in clear distress. Since the firemen had come, she had made her way outside and was now relaying what had happened to the men in blue. As the men were walking away from the scene and getting into their cars, the family car pulled up.

“Anne Boleyn! What the hell?” Jane got out of the car before Catherine could even throw the vehicle into park.

“I’m pretty sure the first question you should ask her is if she’s okay,” Cathy muttered from the backseat.

“I wasn’t trying to burn the house down! I was just trying to make macaroni!” The second queen was gesturing wildly at the now black container on their sidewalk.

“This is absurd! How could you mess that up?” The blonde was not thrilled, clearly.

“That’s what I thought!” Anne shouted back. “My dumb ass forgot to put water in the cup! I didn’t know it would catch on fire!”

Anne Boleyn wasn’t allowed in the kitchen anymore without supervision. Jane had made that quite clear.

-

Anna of Cleves could hardly be bothered with cooking her own food. In her past life, there was always someone to make her food, and in this life too, the other queens were more than happy to place food in front of the fourth queen.

Once, Jane had asked the red queen to provide dinner for the group that night with the explanation that she had to work on something for the show. Anna had agreed, and the silver queen seemed content. The fourth queen didn’t know that she was expected to cook.

“Dinner!” she called out.

“Pizza?” Jane was rather confused. She thought she had asked her successor to cook.

“Yeah? You asked me to get dinner.”

Another time years later, both the first and third queen had caught the flu. Katherine was away at college, so she wasn’t able to cook. Cathy was holed up in her room working on yet another article, and the fourth queen knew she wouldn't be able to convince her to cook. Anne still wasn’t allowed in the kitchen after all this time. It looked as though Anna would have to provide dinner again.

When she showed up with McDonald’s, only Anne would be excited.

Once, while Jane was cooking, Anna decided to keep the blonde company.

“Hey Anna?” Jane looked up from the pot that she was stirring.

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you ever cook?” Anna shrugged at the question.

After supper that night,  “Why cook when you can pay others to do it for you?” Anna replied smugly, slipping Jane a crisp ten dollar bill for making dinner that night.

-

The queens certainly had quite a strange dynamic when it came to providing meals for themselves. Catalina was more than happy to assist in the kitchen. Kat was satisfied with “feasting” on various boxed meals. Cathy used the kitchen as a way to cure her writer’s block. Anne understood why she had been banned from the kitchen, happy to munch away on already made things. Anna of Cleves was more than happy to pay for the other queens to dine. Jane Seymour was more than happy to provide her family with home cooked meals, “made with extra love”. The money Anna threw her way, although completely unnecessary, was appreciated.

[jochmus]

A Discussion of One Approach to a Universal Characteristic

I have felt inspired yesterday to make this attempt as a text post on Tumblr. By the subject’s weighty history and definition, it should by no means be an easy endeavor. However, there are two individuals from my readings that have inspired me, named John Locke and George Polya. Although I own both of the texts that interest me by these men, I have not read those specific texts unfortunately. Another influence was the eloquence of Euclid’s axioms, indeed I have not read the Elements either except for like the first page. I tend to become distracted very easily, and this is not something that I am very proud of. 

Now I must reveal my passion for the works of Ramon Llull. He was the guy behind the most complete version of Characteristica Universalis, but that is only because he managed to inspire Leibniz to come up with his Characteristica, which was never really worked on or implemented, and the system that Llull created is called Ars Magna, in four distinct stages. The term Ars Magna itself with regards to Llull refers to the Ternary Art, which refers to the wheels or volvelles that he used have elements or principles being divisible by 3. Furthermore this also by coincidence is the third phase of the art, but the phase and divisibility of the wheels are distinct things. 

Enough of Llull. Leibniz is really the only person to be regarded here, as it can be assumed that he wished to update Ars Magna to the science of the time and his own distinguished opinion. That being said, he never managed to create such a thing, but merely wrote to his collaborators and associates about what a proper implementation of this Universal Characteristic would look like. His letters are somewhere in the order of magnitude of 10^5, which is a complicated way of saying 10,000. Indeed I do not remember the estimated number from the Wiki, but I do believe it was something like 30,000. 

By the way, the Wiki does list 21 different attempts at Characterica Universalis, which is the number if I recall correctly, that this scholarly text on Llull mentioned that the man had written this many different version of his system. Quite interesting, but I cannot lower myself into base numerology. That has been superseded. To return to Ramon Llull for a moment, the man allegedly got his system from the Sufis. This precursor system is called Zairja, and there are a couple of texts available on that subject, one written by modern scholars and another written by a Tunisian historian who wrote the Muqaddimah. A hint for those of you curious about the latter text: The chapter about Zairja is in the third volume of that text, and is available on the Internet Archive. 

Back to Leibniz; for some reason essay writing is quite tiring. From what we can discern about what he stated that this system would look like, well I have some bad news. Leibniz simply took the diagram that Empedocles created in antiquity and said “There.” What I mean by this is that Leibniz just took the four elements and their supposed connections, in doing so adding another four nodes to the diagram, and being content with drawing lines between said nodes in order to ratiocinate (think) on paper. Anyone can tell that this is follysome since we now know for a fact that the Classical Elements theory is rubbish. In fact, I have a hot take that it was not only responsible for the idea of “race,” but also the idea of depression. I have created an acronym for the various iterations of Classical Element theory, that is “EHTR” (pronounced ‘ether’) or Element-Humor-Temperament-”Race.” Indeed this may come as quite a shock everyone, but Kant the philosopher was really racist and decided to rank the “races.” I am not going to get into this, but I will say that it may have become esoteric or something through the likes of Manly P. Hall, who mentioned the same scheme Kant used, albeit reordering some things, after the latter mapped it to an analogy about the caste system mentioned in the Bhagavad Gita. I can feel the cancelation brewing already. 

There are probably many different ways to attain this Universal Characteristic. I find that I have provided enough introductory information on this subject, so let us move on to the main part of this essay. Unfortunately, this whole thing was spurred on by a feeling of grandiosity, so I really don’t know how valid my intuition is. Furthermore I forgot what it was that I could use to implement Charicterica Universalis. That being said, I think it was along the lines of a study of analogy, using mathematics, so that we could potentially describe the various processes that underlie reality. The other part was a return to metaphysics proper, or the three general distinguishing features of it according to some textbook, those features being categorization (which is what I consider to be important in particular with regards to this endeavor), thinking and a sense of supremacy regarding the method. Personally I really don’t think that the last one means much, and is in fact a detriment to updating philosophy as should be periodically done in my opinion. Science will always push the boundaries. 

I am going to split the remainder of this essay into three parts: The first part will be about analogy; the second, categorization; and thirdly an obscure paradox that I came up with last night, as a bonus for making it to the end of the essay. You could just skip to the paradox, if you would like, in fact I will bold the title for you, in case I have wasted too much of your time and am boring you. 

On Analogy

I envision analogy as not something fundamental, as the man who wrote Zen and the the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance stated that analogy is irreducible to sub-elements; and I argue against that position taken by the author of that text. I am honestly getting tired of writing and I have written the later parts of this essay before I wrote this part, so here goes nothing. 

In the next part I briefly mention knot and graph theory. I envision analogies as graphs, as I was inspired by Schrödinger’s book What is Life that the genetic material was a crystal. Not true, but why could this crystal represent mimesis, as opposed to “genesis?” (Genesis as in genes, an improper way to say that mind you.) Yes, I really think that this is the case, but it does sound kind of crazy now that I have it on paper after having it in my mind for a few years. I don’t know. I dislike the designation that Dawkins created for such things, the “meme” which he literally took from some German scientist with the same first name, and removed the ‘n’ in mneme to create this Internet garbage we see today. 

Then there are the developments with the idea of metaphor. I don’t really feel like getting into these because I am too tired and I keep making typing mistakes. Just know that it is possible to limit portions of the structure of the analogy to make it more congruent with other analogies or structures. Lastly, it really feels like the literary criticism movement is starting to claim all of the universe as its “text.” That is a portion of Structuralism, at least, according to PhilosophyTube. She stated that Structuralism started as literary criticism, and what do we as human beings do? Why we map the text to the whole of the universe. Some could argue that is a kind of metaphysics were it to be loosely understood. ...

On Categorization

The general gist of what I am thinking of here is that Ars Magna’s major issue is that it is not chaotic enough, if that makes any sense. What I am attempting to get at here is the thing about the questions generated in that system solely referring to the statements created. There is no architecture or complexity there to be studied and afterwards engineered, as it is just base multiplication to generate the questions. What I would like, is for the creation of the questions to be irreversible and chaotic, indeed those are separate things, much like the weather. Knot theory, or graph theory would come into play here, I am not sure which but that is what my intuition is telling me. Also, many statements could be superimposed to generate a set of questions, or a single question. Hopefully my mathematical studies will enable me to investigate this further in the future. 

It must be stated now that the whole category term does apply in my opinion to Ars Manga. This is because the system abstracts the categories into a table of about 54 “elements” which are then combined a second time to produce very short strings of text, for instance “BCD.” Of course, the strings could very well be longer, and could incorporate more intricacy in this manner, but it is really the interaction between all of these strings which constitutes the architecture of the system, although this is done in a manner contrary to the mainstream Lullists, which is an anachronism, really. 

Case in point the categories must translate into natural phenomena and vice versa. At the same time, if the categories were generative, then they must be irreversible in order to be as intricate as possible. The sky is the limit with this, “New Lullism.” I don’t feel like explaining any more, but if someone wants me to tell them about why the standard categories must be reversible, and the generative categories the reverse, then I will explain this another day. Indeed, it may be a false distinction; there may very well be four types of category system, that is:

Standard reversible;

Generative reversible (Ars Magna);

Standard irreversible;

Generative irreversible.

That is all for this part.

The Paradox

There is a possibility for a Universal Library, but the one available on the Internet is not feasible for conducting research on, because it is an art website and is not powerful enough to locate texts and be practical. I am talking about an implementation for the Universal Library called the Library of Babel. You can visit the website at libraryofbabel.info. I do not have the energy to disclose the theory behind this whole thing right now, but on request I will write about it another day. 

The mathematical constant “pi” supposedly does not repeat. Yet there is a trichotomy to be established here, when the constant is juxtaposed with the Universal Library, either; 

1). The Universal Library is effected by Gödel’s Incompleteness Theorem (was stated by two separate mathematics professors to likely be the case);

2). Pi does indeed repeat minute portions of itself after a significantly large computation of it is conducted, with an upper bound order of magnitude of around 10^5000. Note that this is a back-of-hand calculation;

3). Pi cannot be mapped to the Universal Library.

This trichotomy may indeed be defective as I am not trained in logic, and also I had to make up the last one as I forgot what it was. Oh well.

Thank you very much for reading all of this. Have a swell day. 

[lemonjoonah]

Let the Villain Win (M)

Word Count: 5K Rating: M Genre: Thriller, Drama, Author AU Warnings:  Smut scene (Oral m. and f. receiving, Fingering), Yandere Namjoon, Stalking, Drugging, Kidnapping Pairings:  Namjoon x Reader, Mention of Seokjin x Reader 

Summary: Kim Namjoon, famous author and your childhood friend has been keeping a secret from you. His new book treads on such dark themes that he’s finding it difficult to write. Excited by the prospect of a sinister plot you offer him a piece of advice, “Let the villain win…” 

...

You look to the building pile of manuscripts on your desk, curling your lip over the prospect of reading them. You’re sure that some of them will be good, a couple of them might hold your attention, but none of them are the story that you truly want to read, the one that you are waiting for, the one that was due three days ago...

“I’m going to kill him.” You mutter to yourself while taking a sip of tea. Kim Namjoon, one of the finest thriller authors ever to be published, and your best friend since childhood. You have the privilege to represent him as his literary agent, but that comes with its setbacks. Namjoon never seems to take you seriously when you set a deadline. Even now he’s off gallivanting somewhere, refusing to answer his calls or texts until he returns from his ‘creative space’.

You look over to his house across the street for the hundredth time since his departure. Every time you had glanced over the windows remained dark, but now your patience has finally been rewarded with a glow emanating from his curtains. You set down your mug haphazardly and check your phone. Your anger grows when you see that he failed to notify you of his return.   

Forgoing your jacket, you dash across the gap between your dwellings the rain pelting you as you cross the narrow street. You stomp up to his porch, and pound on door as if the wooden barricade is at fault for his actions. “Open the door Kim Namjoon, I know you’re in there!”

You hear his voice call through the door. “I don’t know, my agent taught me not to open to door for any crazed fans.”

“Namjoon, please?” You try to appeal to his softer side. “It’s raining and I don’t have my spare key.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” He chuckles as he unlocks the bolt for you to enter. “I’ve only been home twenty minutes. I’m impressed, you must’ve been watching out for me.”  A bright glowing smile greets your look of frustration.

Now being his childhood friend isn’t the only obstacle you’ve encountered in your professional relationship. In addition to his talent as a writer, he is also blessed with devilish good looks. Dark eyes that pierce your heart every time he looks to you, warmly toned skin that calls to your fingers, and lips so full that a simple smirk often drowns the fabric between your legs.

Shaking off those thoughts you try to focus on the your anger towards him,“Where the hell were you?”

“So vulgar,” he chastises you. “I missed you too.” He pulls you into a hug despite your damp clothes, and rubs his cheek against your wet hair.

“Two weeks, two weeks with no contact!” You pull away from from his arms.

“Sorry,” he scratches the back of his head and looks down.“Thanks for covering for me with the publisher.”

“Namjoon it’s not just about the sample, I was worried about you. You’ve never been gone that long before.”

He steps back from the entrance making room for you to come in before closing the door behind you. “I know, I’ve just been having some writers block.” He lowers his head in shame.

“It’s not like that hasn’t happened before, in fact I’ve come to expect it, but usually you’re only gone for a few days! I just wish you would have let me know that you were okay.”

“This time it’s different. The ideas are there I’m just afraid to write them. I wanted to call you but...” He pauses, his fingers trailing around his mouth, as if it might soften the effects of his words.  “I think you’re the reason I can’t write it.”

Your face falls at the thought of being the hitch in his creativity, spurring a further explanation from him. “No please don’t take it like that, it’s just... this story, it’s not like my others. I feel like I’ll be subjecting you to the darkest part of my mind, I don’t want to put you through that.” There’s an exhaustion behind his eyes that you’ve never seen before, after a such a long absence you expected him to be well rested but it looks as if he didn’t sleep a wink.

“I’m not afraid of that big brain of yours,” you lean up to him rubbing his hair playfully. “I’ll take whatever you have to give me.”

“You’re willing to read it? No matter how dark or immoral it gets?”

“Namjoon we’ve been friends for over 15 years now. It’ll take a lot more than a book to scare me away.”  If you’re being honest with yourself you always thought Namjoon would be the one to leave you behind. You don’t have many clients and there are agents with far better connections than yourself, but even after his first bestseller he refused to sign with anyone else. Stating that no one could support him as well as you.

He nods still looking at the floor. “I’m sorry, I should have talked to you about it before running off like that.” A wicked grin suddenly flashes across his face. “I can’t say that I mind seeing how much you missed me though.”  

You scoff, at how quickly he can go from such a vulnerable state to one that completely wrecks you. “I said I was worried not that I miss you!” You tease back with a angry tone. “I have a life beyond you...”

“Pfft, no you don’t.”

“Yes I do! For your information I went on a date last week.” That seems to shut him down in an instant.

“Wait, with who?!”

“Seokjin.”

“Kim Seokjin? The cocky asshole from Smeraldo’s Books marketing team? I thought you said you wouldn’t date people you work with.”

“Confidence is not cockiness! And I don’t work with him directly so there’s no conflict of interest.”

Namjoon clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes, making his distaste known to you. These conversations never go over well with him, he always finds something to criticize about any guys you are seeing, planting a seed of doubt in your mind.  He manages to find that perfect flaw that you’ll fixate on until you ended the relationship. Even now you find yourself starting to question Jin’s vanity.

“And stop changing the subject, I’m the one who had the right to be upset here not you!” Namjoon smiles at you sheepishly, slumping his shoulders in surender. With a sigh you too throw up the white flag.  “Get some sleep okay? It’s getting late, we’ll talk tomorrow. ”

...

The next day you work from home. Diving into the pile of drafts from the comfort of your own bed. This also gives you the chance to keep an eye on the door across the street. Namjoon hasn’t left the house all day. By the time evening rolls around you begin to worry, considering that he had just come back from a two week absence there is no way he has any proper food in the house. You send him a text already knowing the answer.

...Have you eaten?...

...No...

...Jajangmyeon?...

...You know me too well, could you bringing it to my place?...

...Sure, I’ll see you in a few...

When you knock on the door Namjoon calls out instead of answering.

“It’s open.”

You step inside but there’s no sign of him.

“Sorry.” He comes into view with only a towel and water dripping off his frame. “I just realized when you messaged that I hadn't showered.”

“Namjoon, clothes, please!”

“Right...” He gives you a wide dimpled smile while he tousles his damp hair.

Fuck he will be the death of you and your career, you conclude as you sink into his couch. He knows the risks his knows the liabilities but sometime you think he intentionally tries to draw you towards him. From your seat your try to distract yourself by examining his walls looking to spot any new additions to his vast collection.

Namjoons home matches his personality perfectly, from the endearing art figures on his shelves to the brass telescope stationed by the window.  Showcasing his affinity for charmingly cute items but also his sophistication and scholarly pursuits.    

When he finally joins you, he sits down beside you and digs into his noodles. He anxiously starts to discuss the progress of his work. The worry still seems to hover over him regarding you reading the piece. “It’s not like my usual stuff, most of it will be told from the point of view of the villain. He’ll go unnamed for most of the story to have his final reveal at the end.”

“Oh that’s dark, I like it. You can really have fun with this character, there’s no need for you to hold back or try to make the readers like him.”

Namjoon nods in agreement, “It feels more honest too. The character doesn’t feel the need to hide behind a veil, the passions and desires are right out there in the open for readers to see.”

“You always write the hero, I’m excited to see you portray the villain.” As much hope as you give him there is still doubt on his face. “Namjoon, if I’m the problem, I don’t have to take this one on. I can find you another agent for this book I won’t take it personally, I promise.”

“No!” His response is short but loud, causing you to flinch back in surprise. “Sorry, it’s hard for me, but I still want you to be the first person to read it.”

You find his unwavering loyalty endearing, you’ve always been the first to read his stories from when he started writing as a teenager up until now. The twists and turns of his plots never ceasing to amaze you.

“What have you written so far?”

“I’m actually starting with the end, I’ve found it to be more captivating than the beginning.” He smirks as holds on to the secret twist you have yet to see.

“Who wins?” You ask prodding for clues.

“Not too sure yet, that depends on how the story progresses.”

“You should let the villain win this time.”

He chokes on his food for a second. Letting out a loud cough and taking a long sip of water before answering you. “You think so?” He asks cautiously.

“Absolutely, it’ll make for something different, and if we follow him the whole time I’ll find it depressing to see him loose.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He chuckles at your insight, “Wouldn’t want to upset you now, would I? ”

“Nope.” You slurp up the last of your noodles with the excess of sauce. Making a complete mess of yourself, but you’ve succeeded in bring another laugh to his lips.

“You never change,” Namjoon mutters while wiping your face with his thumb. “God I missed you.” He pauses for a second, letting his hand linger before pulling the digit back to his own mouth and licking it carefully. You find him slowing inching towards you on the couch. “Tell me again why we can’t take this further...” You still while observing his unexpected words and actions.

 He continues to press on his lip while eyeing you up as if you might be the next course.

“Don’t tease me Namjoon.” You chide him, trying to convince yourself that he can’t be serious. You place your bowl on the table giving you a reason to divert your eyes for a moment. Maintaining rational thought while looking upon him is an impossibility, taking even a second away from his eyes helps to build your conviction before looking back to him.

But he continues to tear away at the foundation of your determination.

“Why would I tease you? Teasing implies that I won’t give you what you want, I intend to give you everything.” He carefully brushes the hair from your face, dragging the back of his fingers across your cheek before pulling his hand away.  

“Namjoon we’ve talked about this.”

“Yes, but we never did come to an agreement on it.”

“You know we shouldn’t do this. Working together as friends already poses it’s challenges. Adding sex won’t make it easier.” You are already far too lenient with him in comparison to your other clients, you dread to think what effect consistent intimacy would have on your professional relationship.

“When was the last time you’ve had someone?”

Your mouth falls open at the question. “Excuse me?” It’s been awhile but he doesn’t need to know that.

“You just said we are friends right? You would talk to your friend about sexual exploits, why not me? It might be good for my work, get those creative juices flowing.” The corner of his mouth pulls up followed by a bite to his bottom lip.

“Are you trying to use your writing as an excuse?”

“You think of everything with regards to work. I’m just trying to speak your language.”

You know he doesn’t wish to just talk about it but act on it.

Namjoon’s hand now takes your chin as he leans in even further, close enough for you to feel his breath upon your skin. “How long has it been?” He asks again. His eyes narrow as they search your expression for any clue you might give.

“Too long.” You whisper a blush creeping into your face giving you away as you look down.

“So you and Seokjin...”

“Nothing happened, I was too self conscious around him.”

Namjoon tilts your head to the side and places his lips near your throat, his other hand now resting on your thigh right at the start of the hem of your skirt. A faint growl of pleasure leaves him. “So you need someone you’re comfortable with.” His fingers begin to draw small circles on your thigh. “Someone who you’ve known for a while, someone you feel a connection with.”

“Someone who I don’t work with,” You counter back.

“Very well. I’m terminating our contract for the next hour. We can renegotiate after I’ve met your needs.” His lips finally touch you neck focusing right below your ear the heat flowing from that one spot makes you gasp. “Consider this my pitch.” He smirks whispering into your ear as his hand moves further up your leg. “Would you like to proceed?”

Fuck him and his way with words. Who are you kidding you knew you would cave to any desire of his the second you saw him in a towel. You can have sex just this once and stop it after that right? This isn’t going to be a regular occurrence just a one time thing you promise yourself. Just something to get the tension out of the way.

You finally nod leaning back on his sofa, giving in to him completely, letting his finger press your underwear to the side and then sink inside.

He acts surprised to find you already wet with arousal, “So receptive already? That’s not how you negotiate.”

“As if you didn’t know.”

“Do you dislike my ability to read you?” He mutters between the soft kisses to your throat.

“No I just wish I could do the same.”

“That can be arranged.” He answers back with a smug grin. You gasp as he pushes a second finger between you folds, curling it inside of you until you unleash a louder response to his touch. “Shall I give you an oral rundown of my work?”

Unable to form coherent words you nod again letting him lift up your skirt completely, he takes his fingers out for a moment so he can fully remove your underwear. Namjoon lowers himself so his head is level with you hips as he looks upon your pink entrance. His tongue starts rolling along the length of your slit. He hums with agreement as you raise your legs placing the back of your knees on his shoulders.

As he reaches the crest he gives a flick of the tongue, you buck from the sensation causing him to place a hand on your lower stomach directly between your hips. When you flinch again he presses down to keep you in place, the tug of his hold exposes your clit to him even more. His fingers return to their home inside you and he attaches his mouth to the area surrounding your bud.

You bite your lip to prevent an excess of noise as his lips tug on your knot. Noticing your sudden silence Namjoon stops and looks up to you. “Don’t hold back on me, no one else can hear you I promise.” He gives a sudden thrust of his fingers, the shock forcing you to cry out. “Good girl, let me listen to you.”

His long fingers continue to reach deeper, the pads of his fingers slowly stroking as his mouth returns to suck on your mound, with another flick of the tongue and fingers you dissolve in his grasp. Even as you reach your high he refuses to let go riding each wave of pleasure he sends through you. Only extracting himself when you call out his name in the form of a plea, unable to take the stimulation any longer. He takes his fingers from you bringing them to his mouth while he watches over you.

Awash with the warmth he has brought you your breathing is slow to return to an even pace. He groans as his hand passes over himself. With his eyes still focused on you, he palms what looks to be a painfully large erection beneath his jeans. Licking his lips he looks as though he might go down for another taste of you from the source, clearly not satisfied with what he took from his hands.

You sit up, fixing your skirt before you push Namjoon back into his seat on the couch. Taking up position in front of him, kneeling on the hardwood floor, your hands poise to lower his zipper.

“What are you...” He sputters as you open his jeans carefully. Your finger tracing the long bulge concealed by his boxers. “No I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“What reciprocate? I know you Namjoon, I know your games. I can hear it now, the next time I remind you of a deadline all I’ll get back is, ‘But remember that time I made you come?’ Besides,” You pry the elastic of his underwear back to reveal the throbbing head.  “I think I’ll enjoy doing this just as much.” Who doesn’t take pleasure in someone falling to pieces in their grasp. Namjoon has always had the upper hand in your friendship, now is your chance to take it back.

He helps you by shifting his pants down so you can expose the rest of him. You cup his sac with letting your middle finger trace along the raphe. Your other hand guiding the tip of him to your mouth. The slight saltiness of precum hits you as your tongue as it brushes the head.

Within seconds Namjoon lets out audible groans from your ministrations. You resist the urge to smile at the sounds your touch produces. The hand that brought him to you now rests at his base. You open your mouth wide as you slide down his shaft. Your tongue presses against the soft skin as you glide his cock to the back of your throat.

His whole body tenses while you linger close to the base having taken as much as you can. You can hear a faint whimper as you pull your lips back to the top. With one of his hands clenched the other traces the line of your jaw and flows to your hair, gripping the strands as it falls in place at the back of your head. You curl your tongue around the rim of his tip before proceeding back down.

His hand continues to cradle your head while he falls back against the couch. Several expletives leave his lips as you quicken your pace. Each time you slide down you attempt to take him a little further to the point where your eyes begin to water. You look up to him as he draws his hand to his mouth biting down on the knuckle in an attempt to muffle the groans emitting from him. You allow him the vice that he took from you, enjoying the sight of his clenched jaw and focused expression.

When he meets your eyes he finally unravels, a flurry of heavy breathing escapes him. His hips come to meet you this time, with one final thrust, his hand keeps you in place. With each pulse you swallow to around his tip, his cum hitting the back of your throat. You linger for as long as you can until your lungs scream for air forcing you to pull back.

You wipe the saliva from your lips as you look upon his fallen state. His head lolled back, his breath nothing more than a shudder. It had definitely been worth it to see him like this, but you slowly draw back to reality knowing it can’t happen again. There’s too much at stake. If the other authors you represented found out, it could ruin your career, not to mention what would become of your friendship. Namjoon had one night stands before surely he could be content with just this once.         

...

After that night Namjoon spends the next two days locked away writing. He asks you to stall with the publishers for as long as you can. Your excuses to them grow more pathetic by the day.

He calls you on the second evening while you’re on your way home from work. “Namjoon are you almost done with your sample? I can’t hold them off much longer, by the way if anyone asks you were sick and then you had a car accident.”

“But I don’t have a car.”

“No because you totaled it in the wreck, come on play along.”

He chuckles a thank you and then shares his news with you. “I think it’s ready. Is it okay if I drop it off at your place now? I have plans for tonight and I don’t want to be late.” He pauses as if to consider his words, “That is unless you would rather go on a date with me. I would cancel everything for that.”

“Namjoon,” You whine back, “Professional boundaries you promised!”

“You’re right I did. Can I still drop off my work?”

“I’m not back yet. Just use your spare key and leave the draft on my table.”

“Will do.”

When you arrive home not only is there a manuscript but he’s also throw in a bottle of his families homemade soju and a note.

...I figured you might as well have a drink at my expense while reading this. Sorry it took so long, I just had to be sure.   -Namjoon...

The sample work he’s left strikes you as unusual, bound in a red journal, and upon opening you find his work in longhand. Written on the inside cover is the explanation.

...Possible marketing design, journal format to fit the theme. I would prefer to somehow mimic the handwriting as well rather than text, as it adds to the tone of the story.

Working title: Diary of a Villain

A character slowly driven mad by desire and longing, trying to hold himself together and not reveal his true self...

Namjoon is right, it’s vastly different than what he’s written in the past. Even though the passages he has given you fall closer to the middle and end of the story, you soon find yourself lost in the passion and intensity of the main character's thoughts. He’s been stalking the love of his life but he makes it sound so reasonable. Conveying that this is his purpose in life, to stay by her. Watching her through the windows, breaking into her home when she’s not there just to take in the smell of her sheets. Wishing to collect and study every part of her.

Your heart even breaks as he describes his time away from her. When his desire would overwhelm him, when he could longer be content with just watching, he would have to leave the city just to keep her safe from him. As you continue you notice the change in the writing style going from a tidy scrawl to a haphazard scribble as if the person writing these words was slowly becoming unhinged.

When you reach a part where the main character invites the focus of his affection over, you notice Namjoon has kindly put a small sticky note in the margin.

...If you haven’t started drink already I would highly suggest it now. I dislike the thought of you reading this part sober...

You glance at the next few lines muttering to yourself, “Is this a sex scene? He never writes about intimacy.” He’s right though the thought reading a sensual act written by your very attractive, untouchable friend requires a drink. After taking a shot of the soju he kindly provided you proceed.

The lead up dialogue seems oddly familiar.

...“Why would I tease you? Teasing implies that I won’t give you what you want, I intend to give you everything.”...  

Your eyes trace every line carefully as you read, your mind tries to second guess itself wondering if those were are actually the words he spoke to you. But when you hit another familiar passage you begin to blush, no longer able to deny the truth.  

...“You need someone you’re comfortable with. Someone who you’ve known for a while, someone you feel a connection with.”...

You take another shot of the soju as the story continues to unfold in a similar way as the events of two days ago. He goes into a vivid replay of how he satisfied you with his tongue and fingers. Each stroke of pleasure is written out on the page exactly how it happened. You’re not sure if you should be upset or flattered that he’s narrated the scene for the whole world to read. Regardless of your feelings your arousal begins to climb while remember how it felt when he touched you.

You interest grows when you read of the female character returning the favour. How her actions matched yours. You can't help but imprint the main characters feelings onto Namjoon. As if he is describing how it felt when you sucked his cock.

...Fuck she took me so well. How could I have ever let anyone else touch me other than her. I might have used them all as distractions, but now I see that nothing could compare. Her tongue dragged along my shaft, so talented in tracing the veins as she placed me at the back of her mouth. Her throat clenched around my tip. The thought of coming inside her was so overwhelming it brought me to the verge quickly. I had to dig my nails into my palm and bite my knuckles to distract myself with the pain. I gladly fought through it just to enjoy the moment a little longer. When I released inside of her mouth I could feel her throat swallow round my head, taking every drop I gave...

You nibble the tip of your finger and smile at the thought that you might have given Namjoon this much pleasure. But you soon find yourself trying to dissociate him from the main character once he returns to his obsessive tendencies.

...She told me this was it, that we couldn’t act on our urges ever again. She had given me the taste of heaven and was now locking the gate forever. I promised her that I would respect her decision, but there was no way I could abide. If she refused to let me in, I would simply drag her down to hell with me...

You find yourself overwhelmed with anxiety, your heart rate and thoughts racing from the ongoing similarities.

...I left a gift at her house, with the hopes that she would enjoy my hard work, with the dream that she would finally understand. She didn’t realize until it was too late that I had drugged her drink, that I had never left but was spying through the bedroom door. I had left it slightly ajar, wanting nothing more than to watch her expression as everything unraveled...

You breathing stops as you look over to your bedroom, the door resting open ever so slightly.

...It was a strong sedative that I used to dose her. The first recorded side effect is often dizziness...

Your hand clings to the couch in an attempt to stay upright as you head swims.

...Followed by loss of motor control...

Your legs begin to tingle, falling numb beneath you, any hope of fleeing snatched away.

...And finally the drug snares the remaining senses from it’s victims before a complete loss of consciousness. She didn’t last long...

Your hearing becomes muffled, and your eyes widen with terror trying to keep them from succumbing to the darkness that slowly closes in on you. The last sight you witness before falling under is the door opening to reveal Namjoon, wearing the smirk you used to love so much.

...

You fight through the haze of exhaustion to bring your mind to where you are. Lying down on your side in a bed you stare at a wall that you know to be in Namjoon’s home. Warm fingertips brush your shoulder as you slowly wake, followed by the soft press of lips to your skin.

You try to lift a hand to cradle your head and relieve the dull ache that’s surfacing, but you find your arms restrained, pulled behind your back and tied in place. You jerk at the bonds in an attempt you free yourself, but now a large hand holds you in place too.

“Don’t move, you’ll only hurt yourself.” Namjoon’s voice trails from behind you, his soft tone attempts to convey comfort but sends you into a panic as you remember his actions.  

“Namjoon?” You ask with a sob.

“Shhhh, I’m right here.”

“W-why?” You stutter as your chest begins to heave, “Why did you do this?”

“I thought that was obvious.” He places the journal you were just reading on the bed next to you. “You refused to see reason so I tried to show you. This is everything I feel for you, everything I’ve done for you, and yet you still push me away. I don’t want to work together, I don’t want to be friends if it means I can’t have you. I’ll take you away from everything so you don’t have to make that choice.” He lowers his lips to your ear his tone becoming hushed as if he is sharing a desperate desire. “I’ll be the villain so you can be mine.”

“Namjoon please, just let me go.” Your fingers attempt to find the knots in the binding, straining for any hope of release.

“But that’s not where the story goes next, I would rather continue where you left off. I have so much more in store for you, for us.” He paces around the bed finally coming into your view. A sly smile crosses his face as he sits down on the mattress in front of you. A finger raises your chin so you meet his eyes. “Shall I read the end to you? I think you’ll like it. I took your advice.”  

[sparklingpax]

Tales From Iacon - Part 1: Kalos

A/N:

-Set in the Aligned continuity! Specifically, TFP :3

-Ik this translates to something like "noble" or "good" in Greek and this is the title because of the character you're gonna meet (just someone I came up with on the spot,,,,please don't get mad if theres already someone like that in TF I swear I did not intend to copy anyone's stuff—) and also because of the "goodness" and "nobility" in the ultimate message of his character's existence, as well as a reference to the idea of the cause for equality on Cybertron and all. Idk that probably doesn't make sense. It made more sense in my head!!!! OK anyway,,

-Please forgive me for typos or atrocious grammar things idk most of this was written at 4 am because I couldn't sleep also sorry if it's incoherent or boring or ooc please have mercy on me I just wanted to have some fun and write about these two because I love them--

-Also this is originally from my wattpad! (@/kunixjiro if you’re interested in my other stories as well) I will be updating chapters as I write them both there and here <3 </p>

 -I tried to use to terms that are specific to Cybertronian lingo. Please forgive me if there are any mistakes with the usages; I looked them up and tried to do some research based off a few of the books I have, but then again, I might have mistaken them to mean something else. Either way, pls leave a comment if you want me to explain what something means. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy the story! :D

/ / /

The sky was a perfect, clear blue.

White wisps of clouds floated in the sky at a carefree pace.

Yet, said clouds did not mar the color of the sky—the beautiful, blue sky.

Sitting far below, on a bench in a park in Iacon City, Orion Pax stared up at it. He contemplated the shapes of the clouds, wondering what exactly they reminded him of. Regardless of success in such an endeavor (or not), Orion found absolute peace in quietly contemplating nature around him.

He was therefore contented at present. Right then and there, Orion would have been more than happy to stay for centuries to come.

The sky is, after all, endless. Much more than what his small optics could see was beyond.

That thought alone excited his scholarly curiosity. Planets, life, solar systems! So much left to find in such a great, big universe. Orion shut his eyes and smiled. How wonderful it is, this day. Thank you, great Primus, for creating such a lovely place. He opened his eyes again to survey the world presently before him.

Closest to his bench, Orion saw a group of sparklings playing catch. He shifted his gaze to his right, seeing two adolescent bots walking together, giggling carefreely. To his left was an older bot, manning his small "Energon Cube-sugar" station with a contented smile. Someone was reading a book on another bench. Over at the far side of the grass was a dancer showing off their skills to some music as onlookers cheered encouragingly. Outside the grassy clearing, many more citizens of Iacon moved about—to work or to play Orion did not know, but nonetheless, the world was alive around him.

Megatronus is taking quite a long while to show up. I know he is often otherwise engaged with matters in his political or gladiatorial life...though I wonder if he even remembered...

Orion picked up his holopad and began scrolling through his assignment calendar while he waited. Nothing had been updated, so Orion sighed a little and shut off the device, returning his gaze to the sky.

He wondered why he hadn't brought the pad that had books to read on it.

Megatronus...please don't tell me you actually forgot again—

"Pax!"

At the sound of his name, Orion jolted a little. He smiled to himself as he saw Megatronus's large figure striding through the park, across the clearing to his bench. Well, I guess I was wrong.

When the silver-and-burgundy-plated bot reached him, Orion stood up to greet him.

"Still alive after all those matches in the rink?" He joked lightly. Megatronus grinned playfully.

"Still alive after all those exams?" Orion widened his eyes in slight surprise, then they shared a laugh. "Well, I see how it is. I am pleased to see you are well." Megatronus extended a servo.

Taking it, Orion replied, "Thank you. It is good that you are, also."

They sat down.

Originally, Orion had wanted to talk about philosophy regarding the societal structures of Cybertron, which both of them had qualms with at present. However, after Orion had gotten food from the stand nearby, and the pair had begun discussing interesting sights Iacon had to offer...

"I can show you the very store I purchased this from," Orion gestured to the holopad in his hand. "It has a wide variety of tools, as well as a wider range of prices." Megatronus perked up a little at the second statement. "The shopkeeper is a nice, old bot."

"Is he, now?" The gladiator leaned back and stared at the sky, considering whether it would be a good idea or not. His eyes were lit with a strange mix of inquiry, annoyance, and amusement. "Would he permit a lower caste bot into his store, Orion? According to society, I should not be in this city at all, anyway."

"With me, he most likely will." Orion answered firmly. He then frowned. "And don't say that, Megatronus. You and I both know that anybot belongs anywhere they please. Freedom is a basic right of all, is it not?"

Megatronus gave his friend a sideways look, the corner of his mouth twisted into a wry smile.

"Huh."

Orion sighed, then elaborated a little bit. "His name is Kalos and he has been a kind bot for all the time I have known him. I have never seen him raise his voice or say harsh things. In fact, he's been to Iacon once or twice, and he and Alpha Trion are friends."

As he spoke, Orion realized just how silly it was starting to sound—that he would know just how a lower-caste bot like Megatronus would be received at an upper-caste level store in Iacon. As an archivist at Iacon Hall of Records, as well as a scholar, it would stand to reason Orion had never seen Kalos be disrespectful or harsh to him—even if Orion was still not part of the upper-caste classes. It was true that he was not explicitly owed respect as per the society's standards.

However, it wasn't impossible that the people of Iacon were kind souls on their own.

I feel as though he is a kind bot regardless of caste. Things could still go well.

"I suppose the only way to know is to go and see for oneself." Megatronus's voice pulled Orion out of his thoughts. He turned to see Megatronus standing up. "Lead the way, Pax."

Orion nodded, smiling a little himself as he rose from the bench. "If we get in with no trouble, I can use my card to get something for you. After all, you traveled such a distance to meet me and I earned a little from —"

Megatronus laughed a little, placing a servo on his friend's shoulder.

"If we get in. Though..." He paused as if to say something, then shook his head. He patted Orion's shoulder gently. "Thank you just as well, Orion."

The young archivist tapped Megatronus's arm as a return gesture. "Anytime, Megatronus."

/ / /

As it was a rather calm day on the streets, Orion and Megatronus met little traffic of people as they walked, all the while discussing mostly inconsequential things. They arrived at the threshold of the store within about 4 units.

Upon reaching it, Orion immediately drifted from Megatronus mid-speech to go stare at the display window. He remembered that Kalos often put in updated editions of things or entirely new items behind the glass, and wondered if there was anything new today.

Megatronus raised an eyebrow in curiosity, drawing closer to the window. He was amazed by all the little things in the window. Even if he didn't know what they were or what they did, he was still happy to look at the items anyway.

"These are such nice looking things, aren't they?" Orion commented as his gaze jumped from one thing to the next. Megatronus sighed lightly.

"Back on Kaon, there are no such stores as this one. We do not have much there, anyway." He murmured quietly. Nor Shanix enough to buy anything if indeed such stores existed.

Orion immediately felt bad and turned to say something to apologize, but when he saw Megatronus, he was relieved. His friend had a calm and light expression on his face as he stared at the display.

"Go in?"

"Let's."

Orion moved away from the display and walked through the front door. Megatronus followed cautiously behind, shifting his gaze from side to side at the clean, organized shelves and tables.

It was his first time in such a nicely kept store. He was content to be there even for a second.

Even if moments from now, this "Kalos" asks me my profession and I am thrown out for not following caste rules—

"Megatronus, come!" Orion called. He was standing by a small table in the back, upon which a few variations of the holopad he owned were placed neatly beside one another. On a paper below the table were listed the prices. As Megatronus drew closer, he made a noise of interest at the fair price for each device.

Though I don't have enough for anything, these seem proportionate. Not too much, yet not too little. Interesting.

Orion watched Megatronus as he leaned in to observe the details of the pads, then without saying anything, swiveled around to look at the other things on the walls.

He had such a large figure, Orion was a little worried he would accidentally knock something over. But, then again, Megatronus was not clumsy. Orion decided it would be safe if he walked to another part of the store and let his friend browse at his own discretion.

"Ahh, Orion! It is nice to see you again." The kind voice belonged to the bot walking down the aisle. Orion turned to greet the bot, smiling warmly.

"It is nice to see you as well, Kalos. The display outside looked wonderful as always." The old shopkeeper chuckled, patting Orion's back. His plating of many shades of green looked quite shiny, Orion noted internally.

"I had hoped it would! It pleases me that you enjoyed it."

They both turned at the sound of footsteps coming down the opposite side of the aisle. Megatronus was about to say something, but stopped as soon as he saw Kalos. His demeanor changed and became more guarded almost immediately—Orion sensed it.

"Good afternoon. You are Kalos?" Megatronus came to a halt next to Orion. Kalos smiled, nodding.

"That is me, indeed! Welcome to my store. I haven't seen you here before, are you new to the town as a resident, sir?"

"I am not..." Megatronus stared at the ground until Orion nudged him discreetly.

"Ah! Traveling from another city, then! How interesting." Kalos had the purest look of kindness in his entire demeanor. Megatronus took note of this. He could see why Orion had suggested things would go well.

"Yes..." He turned to Orion to see if the archivist could introduce him instead. Orion took the cue and made a gesture to Megatronus.

"This is a good friend of mine from Kaon City. His name is Megatronus."

Externally, Megatronus and Orion remained completely calm, but internally, they were waiting for something bad to happen.

...nothing did.

Kalos, without missing a beat, clapped his hands together. "Welcome to Iacon, Megatronus! Kaon is such a long way, and you have traveled far. Thank you for coming into my store!" He seemed not to care. Orion was relieved, though he did not show it.

Megatronus was shocked, but he simply laughed a little and thanked Kalos.

Minutes later, Megatronus had said his goodbyes and left the store to wait outside. Orion was at the checkout, thinking quietly about how he had been right (and how glad he was that he had been).

"Lost in thought, Orion?" Kalos began working the register. "I know who that bot is." He started quietly. Orion immediately felt his stomach churn. Oh no. He could report both of us—

"I agree with what he says. The idea of true equality and the end of this caste system—I always have. What kind of a world would this be if we were to pick and choose who gets our kindness and respect because they were born one way or another?" He shook his head and chuckled as Orion simply stared in complete shock.

Well...I did not expect this, for sure...

"You're probably wondering why an old bot like me would go with the new order rather than the old..." He handed the bag to the young scholar with a smile. "I think with all the wisdom I've gathered from my time alive, I'd be an utter fool not to see corruption when it happens. And I'm sure you believe the same as me."

Orion nodded slowly. He had an entirely new respect for Kalos.

What a great bot...he really is kind on his own.

The green-plated shopkeeper extended a servo and patted Orion's chest lightly, then drew it away and placed it on his own chest.

"That's all that matters in a bot, really. If Primus gave one to each and every bot alive, then it only makes sense that....Primus meant to say we all belong."

/ / /

Kalos stood at his shop's threshold and waved at Orion and Megatronus as they began to walk away. Orion turned and waved back.

"Thank you again, Kalos! See you soon!"

"Anytime, Orion! And Megatronus," The silver-burgundy bot turned at his name. "Safe travels back home! Come again sometime!"

Megatronus smiled back. He waved.

The pair made their way back to the entrance at Iacon, arriving just as the sun was going down.

Iacon was lit warm gold and pinkish silver as the rays of the sun touched the metal and sunk behind the great mountains in the distance. The sky above was painted a vibrant spray of colors, as if to dance one last time before the darkness of majestic, navy night came upon it.

"Here, Megatronus." Orion handed him the bag. "Don't break it." He joked, a trace of a grin on his face. His friend smirked.

"I'll only bring it when I fight lower-level threats." He shot back. They laughed.

Megatronus held it up to the sunlight, to look at the intricacy of the device. It was very elegant, just as the rest of the store had been. And Kalos...Orion didn't want to tell him yet what they had spoken about, but Megatronus sensed that Kalos was someone he could trust.

As Orion had put it, a true, kind-sparked individual.

"Thank you, Pax. I will take care of this and...try not to break it."

"You're welcome. Thank you for coming all the way here to Iacon. I...hope we can meet again soon, Megatronus." Orion and Megatronus shook hands.

As Megatronus turned to leave, he stopped, remembering something.

"Orion. I do have one question about this..." Orion tilted his head to the side a little.

Megatronus activated it. "How...exactly does this work, beyond activation?"

"Do you mean what can it be purposed for?"

"No, I mean.....I don't exactly know....how to use it...."

Silence hung in the air for a nanosecond or two, and then both of them burst into laughter.

The light of the sky shone on their plating, coating them in its soft, golden, pinkish light as they laughed together over such a silly thing.

Together, as good friends in the midst of the brewing troubles of Cybertron.

Laughing at how Megatronus now owned a holopad he had no clue how to use.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hello! I was wondering if you know an edition of the Bible that is annotated/ contains discussions of the context of the different books and chapters or a supplement that does the same? Something that would have explanations for the different symbols, the references the different NT books make to OT books and such. We studied the Bible this way in literature class and I miss it as I've honestly learnt more about the Bible in literature class than in religious studies. Thank you!

Hiya, sorry for the delay in responding! It’s super hard to read the Bible without good commentary explaining the context, so good on you for seeking that out. 

The study Bible I recommend most strongly for the “average person” (aka, you’re not a religious studies major or seminarian) is the Common English Study Bible. 

All my other study Bibles are made more for seminarians and thus the language is a little more “jargony” and made for a higher reading level, while this study Bible does its best to be accessible to people of all education levels. 

The CEB translation was created by a collaboration of several denominations, so that’s also cool!

Some stuff it contains along with book introductions, outlines, and footnotes:

Over 200 illustrations, maps, and charts

Lots of cross references (e.g. it’ll tell you if another part of the Bible sounds real similar to the part you’re reading)

Some pages have lil green squares that define words, explore theological themes, examine problematic passages, etc. For example, there’s a section on “Family conflict in Genesis” and another on “God’s Kingdom.”

Near the end there are some easy-to-read essays on “The Authority of Scripture,” “The Bible’s Unity,” “How We Got the Bible,” and “Guidelines for Reading the Bible” -- these essays are such a great place for the average Bible reader to start considering questions of “inerrancy” and “inspiration,” cultural context and canon. 

Finally, select concordance at the back that lets you search for a topic, name, or theme

The study Bible I personally use most often is the New Interpreter’s Study Bible, just because it’s the one my seminary classes required. 

It’s got similar content to the CEB study Bible but written in less accessible language -- if you’re interested, I think you’d still get a lot of use out of it, but might have to google stuff if a footnote throws words like “soteriology” and “theodicy” and “eschatology” at you and you don’t know wtf they’re talking about. 

The same goes for the Catholic Study Bible, second edition -- 

of these three options, it has the most commentary and tons of essays on who wrote the biblical books and when and why and all that stuff, but the language is super duper scholarly. 

So if that’s not your style, don’t get this one; if it is your style and you wanna just have a whole avalanche of commentary, then do get this one!

_______________

So yeah, if nothing else, get yourself a study Bible like one of the three I describe above. They can be pricy, which is why I linked to them on amazon -- I know amazon is Evil and Bad but dang are Bibles expensive, and so getting a used copy is many people’s only option. 

But if you do have enough money or access to a library with good Bible books, you can also consider the following resources...

If there is a specific book of the Bible you really wanna dig into, commentaries are great! 

A standard commentary will provide cultural context for the biblical book and tell you what scholars know about who wrote it and when and why; it’ll explain symbols and delve into theology and how the book is applied today...The issue is, commentaries are usually expensive.  

If you live in a large-ish city, it’s very possible that there’s a seminary somewhere near you where you can explore commentaries to your heart’s content! You can probably enlist a librarian’s help in finding just what you’re looking for, too. 

Two series of commentaries that I recommend are Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching (mostly accessible language but still uses some jargon you might have to look up) and the Anchor Bible series (an older series so more scholarly and occasionally sorta outdated but still pretty good). 

__________

Now let’s talk about some free resources you might find useful, because golly do I wish biblical materials were all free so everyone could access them...

Working Preacher is a site that a lot of progressive-leaning pastors reference when crafting weekly sermons. It’s not gonna give you a super detailed account of the cultural context of a Bible chapter or too much about who wrote it, but if you want to reflect on applications for today, this is a great place to start! There’s a scripture index so you can look up whatever book and chapter you’re interested in and see if anyone’s written a little article about it. 

So I don’t personally agree with all the theology shared in the Lumina Bible, but it’s a great resource for the average Bible reader who doesn’t know Hebrew or Greek to get some help figuring out what the original language said. There’s often a lot of good cultural context stuff too! So yeah, that’s my recommendation for an online Bible with quality footnotes.

The Bible Project is such a cool resource, with timelines and posters and videos for each book of the Bible that offer a really easy to understand, well-organized overview of that book. I don’t personally agree with all their theology either, but if I want to jog my memory about what a certain book of the Bible is about and the context surrounding it -- when it was written and why, what the main themes are, etc. -- I hop on over to YouTube and watch the Bible Project’s short video on that book. So helpful, and entertaining too. 

__________

I hope this helps; let me know if you have questions!

Does anyone else have a study Bible or other good resources they’d recommend for anon?

[eli-kittim]

How Can Good Exegesis Make Bad Theology?

By Author Eli Kittim

——-

The Canonical Context

This principle suggests that we should read the Books of the Bible not as distinct, individual compositions but rather as parts of a larger *canonical context*, that is, as part of the “canon” of Scripture. In other words, instead of evaluating each book separately in terms of its particular historical, literary, and editorial development, this principle focuses instead on its final canonical format that was legitimized by the various communities of faith. The idea is that since the redacted version or “final cut,” as it were, is considered “authoritative” by the different communities of faith, then this format should hold precedence over all previous versions or drafts.

Moreover, this concept holds that despite the fact that the Biblical Books were written by a number of different authors, at different times, in different places, using different languages, nevertheless the “canonical context” emphasizes the need to read these Books in dialogue with one another, as if they are part of a larger whole. So, the hermeneutical focus is not on the historical but rather on the canonical context. The hermeneutical guidelines of the canon therefore suggest that we might gain a better understanding of the larger message of Scripture by reading these Books as if they were interrelated with all the others, rather than as separate, diverse, and distinct sources. The premise is that the use of this type of context leads to sound Biblical theology.

——-

Theology

Theology is primarily concerned with the synthesis of the diverse voices within Scripture in order to grasp the overarching message of the complete Biblical revelation. It deals with Biblical epistemology and belief, either through systematic analysis and development of passages (systematic theology) or through the running themes of the entire Bible (Biblical theology). It addresses eternity and the transcendent, metaphysical or supernatural world. And it balances individual Scriptural interpretations by placing them within a larger theoretical framework. The premise is that there is a broader theological context in which each and every detailed exegesis coalesces to form a coherent whole! It’s as if the Bible is a single Book that contains a complete and wide-ranging revelation! It is under the auspices of theology, then, that the canonical context comes into play.

——-

Exegesis

The critical interpretation of Scriptural texts is known as “exegesis.” Its task is to use various methods of interpretation so as to arrive at a definitive explanation of Scripture! Exegesis provides the temporal, linguistic, grammatical, and syntactic context, analysis, and meaning of a text. It furnishes us with a critical understanding of the authorial intent, but only in relation to the specific and limited context of the particular text in question. It is the task of theology to further assess it in terms of its relation and compatibility to the overall Biblical revelation! One of the things that exegesis tries to establish is the composition’s historical setting or context, also known as “historical criticism.” This approach inquires about the author and his audience, the occasion and dating of the composition, the unique terms and concepts therein, the meaning of the overall message, and, last but not least, the *style* in which the message is written, otherwise known as the “genre.” While the author’s other writings on the topic are pivotal to understanding what he means, nothing is more important than the *genre* or the form in which his writing is presented.

——-

The Analogy of Scripture

One of the most important hermeneutical principles of exegesis is called “the analogy of Scripture” (Lat. ‘analogia Scripturae’). In short, it means that Scripture should interpret Scripture. This principle requires that the implicit must be explained by the explicit. In other words, the exegesis of unclear or ambiguous parts of Scripture must be explained by clear and didactic ones that address the exact same topic. That means that one Biblical Book could very well explain another. For example, the New Testament (NT) Book of Ephesians 1.9-10 seems to demystify Galatians 4.4. This principle is based on the “revealed” inspiration (Gk. θεόπνευστος) of Scripture:

All scripture is inspired by God and is useful

for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and

for training in righteousness (2 Tim. 3.16

NRSV).

As for those scholars who refuse to take the NT’s alleged “pseudepigrapha” seriously because of their *apparent* false attribution, let me remind them that the most renowned textual scholars of the 20th century, Bruce M. Metzger and Bart D. Ehrman, acknowledged that even alleged “forged” works could still be “inspired!” It’s important to realize that just because these works may be written by unknown authors who may have attempted to gain a readership by tacking on the name of famous Biblical characters doesn’t mean that the subject-matter is equally false. The addition of amanuenses (secretaries) further complicates the issue.

So, returning to our subject, the analogy of Scripture allows the Bible to define its own terms, symbols, and phrases. It is via the analogy of Scripture, which defines the many and varied parts, that the broader canonical context is established, namely, the principle that the various Biblical Books form a coherent whole from which a larger theological system can emerge.

And, of course, interdisciplinary studies——such as archaeology, anthropology, psychology, sociology, epistemology, and philosophy——contribute to both systematic and Biblical theology by presenting their particular findings, concepts, and theoretical ideas.

——-

Testing the Legitimacy of these Principles

In explaining how these principles work in tandem, I’d like to put my personal and unique theology to the test. I have raised the following question: “What if the crucifixion of Christ is a future event?” The immediate reaction of Christian apologetics or heresiology would be to revert to “dogmatic theology” (i.e., the dogmas or articles of faith) and the scholarly consensus, which state that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified under Pontius Pilate during the reign of Tiberius. Really? Let’s consider some historical facts. There are no eyewitnesses! And there are no first-hand accounts! Although the following references were once thought to be multiple attestations or proofs of Jesus’ existence, nevertheless both the Tacitus and Josephus accounts are now considered to be either complete or partial forgeries, and therefore do not shed any light on Jesus’ historicity. One of the staunch proponents of the historical Jesus position is the textual scholar Bart Ehrman, who, surprisingly, said this on his blog:

. . . Paul says almost *NOTHING* about the

events of Jesus’ lifetime. That seems weird

to people, but just read all of his letters.,

Paul never mentions Jesus healing anyone,

casting out a demon, doing any other

miracle, arguing with Pharisees or other

leaders, teaching the multitudes, even

speaking a parable, being baptized, being

transfigured, going to Jerusalem, being

arrested, put on trial, found guilty of

blasphemy, appearing before Pontius Pilate

on charges of calling himself the King of the

Jews, being flogged, etc. etc. etc. It’s a

very, very long list of what he doesn’t tell us

about.

Therefore, there appears to be a literary discrepancy regarding the historicity of Jesus in the canonical context between the gospels and the epistles. And, as I will show in due time, there are many, many passages in the epistles that seem to contradict dogmatic theology’s belief in the historiographical nature of the gospels. So, if they want to have a sound theology, exegetes should give equal attention to the epistles. Why?

First, the epistles precede the gospels by several decades. In fact, they comprise the earliest recorded writings of the NT that circulated among the Christian churches (cf. Col. 4.16).

Second, unlike the gospels——which are essentially *theological* narratives that are largely borrowed from the Old Testament (OT)——the epistles are *expositional* writings that offer real, didactic and practical solutions and discuss spiritual principles and applications within an actual, historical, or eschatological context.

Third, according to Biblical scholarship, the gospels are not historiographical accounts or biographies, even though historical places and figures are sometimes mentioned. That is to say, the gospels are not giving us history proper. For example, the feeding of the 5,000 is a narrative that is borrowed from 2 Kings 4.40-44. The parallels and verbal agreements are virtually identical. And this is a typical example of the rest of the narratives. For instance, when Jesus speaks of the damned and says that “their worm never dies, and the fire is never quenched” (Mark 9.48), few people know that this saying is actually derived from Isaiah 66.24. In other words, the gospels demonstrate a literary dependence on the OT that is called, “intertextuality.”

Fourth, the gospels are like watching a Broadway play. They are full of plots, subplots, theatrical devices (e.g. Aristotelian rhetoric; Homeric parallels), literary embellishments, dialogues, characters, and the like. Conversely, the epistles have none of these elements. They are straightforward and matter of fact. That’s why Biblical interpreters are expected to interpret the implicit by the explicit and the narrative by the didactic. In practical terms, the NT epistles——which are the more explicit and didactic portions of Scripture——must clarify the implicit meaning of the gospel literature. As you will see, the epistles are the primary keys to unlocking the actual timeline of Christ’s *one-and-only* visitation!

Fifth, whereas the gospels’ literary genre is mainly •theological•——that is to say, “pseudo-historical”——the genre of the epistolary literature of the NT is chiefly •expositional.• So, the question arises, which of the two genres is giving us the real deal: is it the “theological narrative” or the “expository writing”?

In order to answer this question, we first need to consider some of the differences in both genres. For example, although equally “inspired,” the gospels include certain narratives that are unanimously rejected as “unhistorical” by both Biblical scholars and historians alike. Stories like the slaughter of the innocents, the Magi, the Star of Bethlehem, and so on, are not considered to be historical. By contrast, the epistles never once mention the aforesaid stories, nor is there any mention of the Nativity, the virgin birth, the flight to Egypt, and the like. Why? Because the Epistles are NOT “theological.” They’re expository writings whose intention is to give us the “facts” as they really are!

Bottom line, the epistles give us a far more accurate picture of Jesus’ *visitation* than the gospels.

In conclusion, it appears that the gospels conceal Jesus far more effectively than they reveal him.

——-

Proof-text and Coherence Fallacies

The “proof-text fallacy” comprises the idea of putting together a number of out-of-context passages in order to validate a particular theological point that’s often disparagingly called “a private interpretation.” But, for argument’s sake, let’s turn these principles on their head. Classical Christianity typically determines heresy by assessing the latter’s overall view. If it doesn’t fit within the existing theological schema it is said to be heretical. Thus, dogmatic theology sets the theological standard against which all other theories are measured. They would argue that good exegesis doesn’t necessarily guarantee good theology, and can lead to a “coherence fallacy.” In other words, even if the exegesis of a string of proof-texts is accurate, the conclusion may not be compatible with the overall existing theology. This would be equivalent to a coherence fallacy, that is to say, the illusion of Biblical coherence.

By the same token, I can argue that traditional, historical-Jesus exegesis of certain proof-texts might be accurate but it may not fit the theology of an eschatological Christ, as we find in the epistles (e.g., Heb. 9.26b; 1 Pet. 1.20; Rev. 12.5). That would equally constitute a coherence fallacy. So, these guidelines tend to discourage independent proof-texting apart from a systematic coherency of Scripture. But what if the supposed canonical context is wrong? What if the underlying theological assumption is off? What then? So, the $64,000 question is, who can accurately determine the big picture? And who gets to decide?

For example, I think that we have confused Biblical literature with history, and turned prophecy into biography. In my view, the theological purpose of the gospels is to provide a fitting introduction to the messianic story *beforehand* so that it can be passed down from generation to generation until the time of its fulfillment. It is as though NT history is *written in advance* (cf. מַגִּ֤יד מֵֽרֵאשִׁית֙ אַחֲרִ֔ית [declaring the end from the beginning], Isa. 46.9-10; προεπηγγείλατο [promised beforehand], Rom. 1.2; προγνώσει [foreknowledge], Acts 2.22-23; προκεχειροτονημένοις [to appoint beforehand], Acts 10.40-41; ερχόμενα [things to come], Jn 16.13)!

So, if we exchange the theology of the gospels for that of the epistles we’ll find a completely different theology altogether, one in which the coherence of Scripture revolves around the *end-times*! For example, in 2 Pet. 1.16–21, all the explanations in vv. 16-18 are referring to the future. That’s why verse 19 concludes: “So we have the prophetic message more fully confirmed” (cf. 1 Pet. 1.10-11; 1 Jn 2.28).

In response, Dogmatic Theology would probably say that such a conclusion is at odds with the canonical context and that it seems to be based on autonomous proof-texting that is obviously out of touch with the broader theological teaching of Scripture. Really? So the so-called “teaching” of Scripture that Jesus died in Antiquity is a nonnegotiable, foregone conclusion? What if the basis upon which this gospel teaching rests is itself a proof-text fallacy that is out of touch with the teaching of the *epistles*? For example, there are numerous passages in the epistles that place the timeline of Jesus’ life (i.e., his birth, death, and resurrection) in *eschatological* categories (e.g., 2 Thess. 2.1-3; Heb. 1.1-2; 9.26b; 1 Pet. 1.10-11, 20; Rev. 12.5; 19.10d; 22.7). The epistolary authors deviate from the gospel writers in their understanding of the overall importance of •eschatology• in the chronology of Jesus. For them, Scripture comprises revelations and “prophetic writings” (see Rom. 16.25-26; 2 Pet. 1.19-21; Rev. 22.18-19). Therefore, according to the *epistolary literature*, Jesus is not a historical but rather an “eschatological” figure! Given that the NT epistles are part of the Biblical *canon,* their overall message holds equal value with that of the NT gospels, since they, too, are an integral part of the canonical context! To that extent, even the gospels concede that the Son of Man has not yet been revealed (see Lk. 17.30; cf. 1 Cor. 1.7; 1 Pet. 1.7)!

What is more, if the canonical context demands that we coalesce the different Biblical texts as if we’re reading a single Book, then the overall “prophetic” message of Revelation must certainly play an important role therein. The Book of Revelation places not only the timeline (12.5) but also the testimony to Jesus (19.10b) in “prophetic” categories:

I warn everyone who hears the words of the

prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to

them, God will add to that person the

plagues described in this book; if anyone

takes away from the words of the book of

this prophecy, God will take away that

person’s share in the tree of life and in the

holy city, which are described in this book

(Rev. 22.18-19 NRSV).

Incidentally, the Book of Revelation is considered to be an epistle. Thus, it represents, confirms, and validates the overarching *prophetic theme* or eschatological “theology” of the epistolary literature. That is not to say that the •theology• of the epistles stands alone and apart from that of the OT canon. Far from it! Even the *theology* of the OT confirms the earthy, end-time Messiah of the epistles (cf. Job 19.25; Isa. 2.19; Dan. 12.1-2; Zeph. 1.7-9, 15-18; Zech. 12.9-10)! As a matter of fact, mine is the *only* view that appropriately combines the end-time messianic expectations of the Jews with Christian Scripture!

Does this sound like a proof-text or coherence fallacy? If it does, it’s because you’re evaluating it from the theology of the gospels. If, on the other hand, you assess it using the theology of the epistles, it will seem to be in-context or in-sync with it. So, the theological focus and coherency of Scripture will change depending on which angle you view it from.

——-

Visions of the Resurrection

There are quite a few scholars that view the so-called resurrection of Christ not as a historical phenomenon but rather as a visionary experience. And this seems to be the theological message of the NT as well (cf. 2 Tim. 2.17-18; 2 Thess. 2.1-3). For example, Lk. 24.23 explicitly states that the women “had indeed seen a vision.” Lk. 24.31 reads: “he [Jesus] vanished from their sight.” And Lk. 24.37 admits they “thought that they were seeing a ghost.” Here are some of the statements that scholars have made about the resurrection, which do not necessarily disqualify them as believers:

The resurrection itself is not an event of

past history. All that historical criticism can

establish is that the first disciples came to

believe the resurrection (Rudolph

Bultmann, ‘The New Testament and

Mythology,’ in Kerygma and Myth: A

Theological Debate, ed. Hans Werner

Bartsch, trans. Reginald H. Fuller [London:

S.P.C.K, 1953-62], 38, 42).

When the evangelists spoke about the

resurrection of Jesus, they told stories

about apparitions or visions (John Dominic

Crossan, ‘A Long Way from Tipperary: A

Memoir’ [San Francisco:

HarperSanFransisco, 2000], 164-165).

At the heart of the Christian religion lies a

vision described in Greek by Paul as

ophehe—-“he was seen.” And Paul himself,

who claims to have witnessed an

appearance asserted repeatedly “I have

seen the Lord.” So Paul is the main source

of the thesis that a vision is the origin of the

belief in resurrection ... (Gerd Lüdemann,

‘The Resurrection of Jesus: History,

Experience, Theology.’ Translated by John

Bowden. [London: SCM, 1994], 97,

100).

It is undisputable that some of the followers

of Jesus came to think that he had been

raised from the dead, and that something

had to have happened to make them think

so. Our earliest records are consistent on

this point, and I think they provide us with

the historically reliable information in one

key aspect: the disciples’ belief in the

resurrection was based on visionary

experiences. I should stress it was visions,

and nothing else, that led to the first

disciples to believe in the resurrection (Bart

D. Ehrman, ‘How Jesus Became God: The

Exaltation of a Jewish Preacher from

Galilee’ [New York: Harper One, 2014],

183-184).

Ehrman sides with the *visionary language* that Luke, Bultmann, Crossan, and Lüdemann use. In the words of NT textual critic Kurt Aland:

It almost then appears as if Jesus were a

mere PHANTOM . . .

——-

Exegetical Application

I deliberately stay away from theology when I exegete Scripture precisely because it will taint the evidence with presuppositions, assumptions, and speculations that are not in the text. Thus, instead of focusing on the authorial intent hermeneutic, it will inevitably superimpose out-of-context meanings and create an eisegesis. All this, of course, is courtesy of confirmation bias.

So, I think one of the reasons why we’ve done so poorly in understanding, for example, the story of Jesus is because we have mixed-up exegesis with theology. When theology drives the exegesis, then the exegesis becomes blind and erroneous.

My method of exegesis is very simple. I see EXACTLY what the text *says,* EXACTLY *how* it says it. I don’t add or subtract anything, and I don’t speculate, guess, or theorize based on existing philosophies or theologies. The minute we go outside *the analogy of scripture,* that’s when we start to speculate. And that’s how we err. In short, let the Scriptures tell you what it means. Thus, the best interpretation is no interpretation at all!

——-

Conclusion

To find the truth, we must consider all the evidence objectively. Evangelicals, for instance, would be biased if they didn’t consider the academic standpoint even if, at times, it seems to be guided by liberal theology. In this way, they will be in a better position to consider objectively all the possibilities and probabilities regarding the correct interpretation of Scripture. That’s because the truth usually touches all points of view . . .

One of the exegetical stumbling blocks is our inability to view the gospels as “inspired metaphors.” Given their literary dependence on the OT, it appears as if the gospels themselves are “inspired parables.”

So, if the epistolary literature, which is both expositional and explicit, seems to contradict these so-called “theological parables,” then it becomes quite obvious that the “theology” of the gospels fails to meet scholarly and academic parameters. And, therefore, the epistolary literature must be given more serious attention and consideration!

Our exegetical shortcomings often stem from forced or anachronistic interpretations that are based on *theological speculation* and conjecture rather than on detailed exegesis. Even the Biblical translations themselves are not immune to the interpretative process, whether they be of dynamic or formal equivalence.

That’s why I have developed an exegetical system and have demonstrated the effectiveness of its approach to the study of the Biblical Christ. Accordingly, I argue that the epistles are the primary *keys* to unlocking the future timeline of Christ’s ***ONLY*** visitation! Hence, I leave you with one final rhetorical question:

What if the crucifixion of Christ is a future

event?

[cheladyn]

THE BODY AS POTENTIALITY

This was a paper I wrote for SA870 Anthropological Theory in the first semester of grad school (fall 2019). I still like it. I actually love parts of it. I think things have shifted for me since, but it’s fun to think alongside. I also got an A+. ;)

0I want to make theory personable; not because I have read the need for personable theory in a scholarly source, but because I viscerally feel the need to address and trudge through my thinking-feeling in a way that performatively expresses the topic at hand. I crave for an application of anthropological theory that honours the emergence of theory from the ground, from the doing, from the one who utters it. This is, in essence, a performative theoretical essay that seeks to bring my ambivalence toward conventional theory to life.  The writerly voice presented in this paper will weave between that of the assumed theoretician, and that of the anxious woman on the other side (me, the ‘I’ of Ileanna who stopped drinking coffee to manage her anxiety, and who has an obedient, hesitant love for theoretical legitimacy).

I

When we (academics and anthropologists) talk about bodies, we are really talking about the world they inhabit (and the world that inhabits them). When we talk about bodies by invoking ‘the body’, we often end up talking about discipline, obedience, docility, identity, violence, resistance, discourse, language, power, coercion. Secondarily, when we conjure ‘the body’, we may talk about affect, emotions, experience, an event. Tertiarily, we may fall into talking about flesh, sensation, proprioception, mobility, organs, movement, touch, feelings, the senses. This first-second-third hierarchy of the topic of ‘the body’ is not summoned unintentionally. There is a pressing/problematic hierarchy of bodiliness present in discourses that situate the lived sensation of Being as distinctly and curiously ‘lesser than.’

A concerted effort is exerted when this third level of analysis – the body as fleshy and ageing – is the primary topic of research. Scholars like David Howes, Constance Classen, Dara Culhane, Sarah Pink, Soyini Madison, and Jaida Kim Samudra have produced (sometimes extensive) bodies of work that continue to approach ‘the body’ as being a sensing, feeling, doing entity, entangled in social and cultural modes of production. Through their work, and through my position as a practicing professional in the field of dance (a dance artist), I am filled with care for how bodies are theorized. Thus, I appear unsatisfied with the ways that texts that include ‘the body’ fail to acknowledge its blurry boundaries beyond the acknowledgement of a blurriness itself.

When we talk about bodies, we are not exactly clear what we mean by the term ‘the body’. Frequently we allow this term, ‘the body’, to hang unsupported. When ‘the body’ manifests, it is taken for granted as to what it is and how to account for it; ‘the body’ is an unquestioned axiom of much theory and analysis. It is a simple thing, a Heideggerian thing, or a Spinozan thing, a thing Sara Ahmed would do, to ask “what is a body? What does/can one do? And what are it’s a/effects?” The need for a stable definition is not what I am asking for; rather I am left yearning for an analysis of social life that adequately offers a framework for bodily understandings. Producing strict definitions of such an entity or phenomena like ‘the body’ is not particularly exciting. I have/am a body, we all have some semblance of ‘the body’, we all wake up to such a complication every morning, so I am not keen to take time defining it. If anything, defining ‘the body’ would be a daunting task if there is the simultaneous desire not to create a definition that is drawn and quartered, dismembered and decapitated, excluding a dynamic embodied unfolding; a definition would be confusing (if it is not already clear, I am confused enough by my own corporeal existence). Bodies are messy.

There is a possibility here to offer a new formulation or conceptualization of ‘the body’: the body as potentiality. Yet, this feels sterile, bracketing off too much for the purposes of anthropological inquiry in general, and for research on the implications of kinesthesia (the sense movement) on subjectivity and agency in specific. Such tight conceptualization – the body as potentiality – functions by condensing heavy, polysemous terms to simultaneously suspend reality and metaphor into something akin to theoretical assertion. The body as potentiality could mean something, be useful somewhere, some how; such a formulation offers not a framework but a definition. The body as potentiality requires a concern for avoiding the disembodied approaches that continue to relegate bodiliness as ‘lesser than’. If I had the luxury of time, I would write a text on this body as potentiality in such a way that could contribute to the wider knowledge of bodies as emergent and unfolding. I am interested in one day delving into this sort of theory-building, delving into the first level of the discursive hierarchy that privileges bodies at a distance from their sensations as a means to re-form ontological assumptions about body-knowledge or knowledge-in-movement. We work on theory by working within it. The sterile dangers of such conceptualization, nonetheless, feeds my current corporeal state as I theorize myself into oblivion. I am confused and unsure and still striving, I want to learn from an attempt. The body is messy, and I am doubly so.

I.i

In this paper, I would like to gesture, in a winding and twisted sort of way, towards the body as potentiality as a remediation to current paradigms for approaching embodiment and ‘the body’ within anthropological research. This is a gesture to a small audience, making the journey more intimate even if the fantasies of the outcome are large. To offer an initial conceptualization of the body as potentiality, we will traverse the territory that links potentiality, subjectivation, and ‘the body’. I will lead us through the ways that bodiliness can be contemporaneously understood as transcending the postmodern insight of “the body” being a social and cultural entity that is in excess of itself and its world. With this groundwork, bodiliness becomes the point from which all perception and experience of the world emerges – yes, aligned with phenomenological thinking. From bodiliness comes care, which thus gives weight, meaning, and importance to the ‘impasse’ characteristic of potentiality. The ultimate aim of such path is to deliver us to a site that recognizes the entanglement of potentiality with agency; potentiality is not ‘potential’ but the multitude of possibilities unfolding constantly in relation to power and difference. The body as potentiality seeks to demonstrate how lived experience, shaped through an ongoing process of subjectivation, gives rise to embodied agency. At a certain point we will see how subjectivity and embodiment are productively complicated by the notion of care, as that which separates one’s body from one’s ‘I’. This results in accounting for dualities, especially the mind/body duality that keeps me up at night. Thwarting everything is the messy/tidy relationship of bodiliness to theory at large. We will arrive to our destination with the intention of having accidentally refurbished Thomas Csordas’ paradigm of embodiment for anthropology. Let’s see if we can get there together.

II

I begin with concern, a nice thing to have. I am most concerned about the terms potentiality, subjectivation, and subjectivity. These extend our broader concern for ‘the body’. Our concern for these terms and ideas will serve us as guides for how bodies expand and contract into anthropological analyses. These terms will introduce how “excess” permeates such bodiliness in relation to the survivance of the postmodern discourse of subjectivity.

II.i

To maneuver the term ‘potentiality’, I leap from Mette Svendsen’s (2011) anthropological approach to the term that “addresses the cultural context as well as the material conditions of that seen as incomplete yet with a power – a potency – to develop into something else” (Svendsen, 2011: 416). Immediately we see potentiality as potency. This conceptualization follows a discussion of Aristotle’s second type of potentiality that Giorgio Agamben deliberates in his work Potentialities (1999) which is a potentiality “that belongs to someone who, for example, has knowledge or an ability” (179). This type of potentiality in the individual is based upon existing potentialities, existing skills and capacities, the capacity to say “I can”. For Agamben, potentiality always exists in relation to impotentiality – an implicit relationship present in Svendsen’s use of potency – where the capacity to say “I can” hinges on the possibility of saying “I cannot”. This “I cannot” is not of not knowing how, but of an incapacity or lack:

“To be potential means to be one’s own lack, to be in relation to one’s own incapacity. Beings that exist in the mode of potentiality are capable of their own impotentiality; and only in this way do they become potential. They can be because they are in relation to their own non-Being” (Agamben, 1999: 182, emphasis original).

Thus the ‘potency’ described by Svendsen is also one of impotency, a possibility of being flaccid to the task at hand, an action which still results in this potentiality to, as Svendsen notes, develop into something else. Such potentiality can be described as an impasse, an in-between moment that requires or forces something upon one’s potentialities. Lauren Berlant (2006) offers the notion of the impasse in relation to cruel optimism where our attachments of desire are actually hindrances to our possibilities of flourishing. The impasse for Berlant, is a moment produced by an event that causes an internal displacement imposing either a falling back into old habituations around our attachments of desire, or a transition into new actualities and futurities. These attachments and desires that support one’s movements of potentiality, cruel or otherwise, are distinctly “promises and not possessions” (Berlant, 2006: 31). Framing potentiality as a promise reworks Agamben’s notion of potentiality as a capacity and lack one has; it may be a matter of language, but language matters when it comes to describing and making worlds.

To call potentiality a promise rather than a possession decenters the position of the subject. Agamben, focusing on one’s capacity, may be working with an understanding of subjectivity that is, for our purposes here, outdated. If Berlant correctly situates a subject as decentered through the term “promise” rather than “possession”, then Agamben, in turn, correctly situates a constant movement in the experience/moment/being of potentiality. Looking again at language, Berlant’s use of “impasse” seeks to stabilize something, to fix a moment in time – language does this, it is sticky and requires force (or poetry) to open itself to a varied terrain of expertise and knowing. However, reading Agamben alongside Berlant (both with Svendsen) offers us an understanding of impasse that is in constant negotiation, moving, pacing, turning in circles; this reading also allows us to see potentiality as a decentered movement. We meet an impasse, a moment of potentiality/impotentiality, and time still passes. There is still movement that extends within and beyond the limits of the subject themselves into the realm of what gives potency to the Being. This is the cultural context that gives weight, value, and meaning to the potentiality. From here, we can now determine a bit more about this Being who is caught in their potentiality, in the impasse.

II.ii

In Judith Butler’s The Psychic Life of Power (1997), subjectivation is described as the process by which one becomes a subject. This process involves a double movement of subordination and subject formation (Butler, 1997: 29). Through forms of knowledge, discourses, institutions, and techniques of power, a subject is socially constructed through submission to such powers (Butler, 1997: 3). This socially constructed nature of subjectivation makes subjectivity – the experience of being a subject – a situated and historical process, rather than isolated, individual, and ahistorical (Biehl, 2007). For Butler (1997), subjectivation “consists precisely in this fundamental dependency on a discourse that we never chose, but that, paradoxically initiates and sustains our agency” (2). Agency becomes the contradictory product of subjectivation whereby the discursive powers that delineates a liveable realm of sociality for the subject are both reiterated through the subject and transformed through this inexact repetition (Butler, 1997: 29). In other words, subjectivation circumscribes an interior and an exterior in the relationship of ‘self’ to ‘power’ where the translation of the power from which the subject emerges is imperfectly reproduced through the life, the living, of the subject. This imperfect translation of power is the locus of agency. Agency is thus the “excess” of subjectivation.  

Louis Althusser offers the notion of ‘interpellation’ to describe this process of subjectivation whereby the authoritative voice hails you into recognition, and accordingly as a subject to that power. The hail, a literal calling out in language: ‘hey, you!’ This produces an internal recognition of the self as being the subject of ‘you’, an act of subordination to the “authoritative voice that hails the individual” (Butler,1997: 5). This authoritative voice can be experienced beyond the vocal hail; a look, a gesture, a touch, an offering, a distraction, these all call a subject into being and subjectness by way of rapidly situating the subject in a relation of power and knowing. The hail indicates one’s place in the relative pecking order, and thus defines the capacity for proper action and behaviour. What these proper actions and behaviours are depends on the cultural context, and which actions and behaviours are enacted will allocate agency in this formulation.

This Butlerian basis of subjectivation and agency opens up a larger conversation that notes how traditional western approaches to subjectivity (again, the experience of being a subject) has focused on fixing the subject in time and space (Briginshaw, 2009). This history of a fixed subject (a product of Descartes’ thinking that maintains mind/body dualism) is being vehemently challenged given the contemporary context of political and social unrest; consequently offering new entry points into conceptualizing subjectivity. For Biehl et al, subjectivity “does not imply an error but connotes creativity, the possibility of a subject’s adopting a distinctive symbolic relation to the world in order to understand lived experience” (2007: 6). In this way, subjectivity is a “synonym for inner life processes and affective states” (Biehl et al, 2007: 6) where “subjects are themselves unfinished and unfinishable” ( Biehl, 2007: 15).

Biehl et al are clear that the approach to researching subjectivity in terms of the “dynamic density of the interpersonal” (9) is a continuation of postmodern trajectories (15). Echoing this sentiment, Natalie Garret Brown (2011) follows the postmodern sensibility to outline a theory of embodied subjectivity that is non-unitary, emergent, and embedded in a nexus of pleasure and desire that blur and flatten the territorial lines of subjectivity. Briginshaw, Biehl et al, and Brown (the three B’s, four if we included Butler), not only intersect on this harnessing of postmodern approaches to subjectivity and the subject, but they also confer on the term ‘excess’ to describe the sociality of the subject, or the relation of the embodied subject and their lived world. For Brown, subjectivated bodies are bodies of difference whose material excess is “a reminder of an embodied resistance contained by boundaries” (2001: 69). Briginshaw mobilizes ‘excess’ in terms of “excessive overflowing bodies” (2009: 17) that locate subjectivity in the “in-between spaces of hybridity and ambiguity” (2009: 20). Biehl et al enter excess obliquely, from the vantage point of the subjectivated body being unfinished: “Whether these demands [of subjection] come from institutions, discourses and disciplinary practices, or the subject’s own desires and needs, the body, from the perspective of subjectivity, is always more and less than what it seems it should be” (2007: 9).

The theories of subjectivation and subjectivity outlined above intersect on the notion of excess as being constitutive of agency that thus builds productively unstable worlds of flux and change. What is curious to me is that the three B’s all draw on postmodern literature to define their excessive contemporary subject. Here I offer a break for the eyes as we move more directly into this territory of excess.

III

Excess; the more than, the overflowing and the leaky, the unaccounted for. Excess; articled into the archive for later use, stored away for future projects. Be it love or writing, excess is encountered in both the margins and the center; my concentration is overwhelmed by the excess of possibilities. I wade in my shallow waters to acknowledge the excess, feet floating above the depths, finding a vantage point from which I can proceed. The excess is not in me, but of me and of the world. Through excess we blend and blur with what is there. There is just so much there.

III.i

The three B’s (Briginshaw, Biehl et al, and Brown) offer ‘excess’ as a key characteristic of subjectivity, grounded specifically in the body. In other words, the embodied experiences of subjectivity, as an expression of agency, is a product in excess of subjectivation. This is particularly interesting; the body is fundamentally described as excessive. Excess is nice to have, like concern. It gives us options, possibilities, lines of flight. But excess does not collaborate very well with theory now does it? Excess in theory is not the easiest thing to deal with; I have proven by demonstration in the first sections that excess makes for detours and obstructions that make the contents (thoughts and feelings) difficult to parse. It leads to instability and an untrustworthy speaker of dubious legitimacy. Excess is the fat to be supposedly, canonically trimmed from a theoretical text.

Excess does not collaborate with text or theory very well, so how do we account for excess other than describing, and locating it in a distant, dismembered body, “the body”? How do we account for excess given that ‘excess’ refers to a normal amount (and thus bringing our readings of the uses of ‘excess’ as acts of normative violence)? When it comes to the excess of subjectivation being described as something of the body and of agency, how do we manage and honour such constitutive excess? Perhaps this goes far beyond the intentions of the texts addressed, asking questions outside the immediate scope, but this idea of excess has stuck and I have to follow through.

To involve the description of ‘excess’ in a given situation, we require structure, a normative standard to which ‘excess’ can exceed and be the ‘other’. The structure that makes bodies excessive is precisely that of subjectivation. So, while subjectivation and the powers that animate it (the subject’s agency, an imperfectly iterative process) produce the subject/agent as boundaried and bordered, circumscribed and delineated, the excess as the originary state of the subject (the body) already exceeds this primordial animation. What do I mean by this? I mean that perhaps subjectivity and agency are not actually excessive.

This is not about language, I like the term ‘excess’ and all its derivatives. For the three B’s, ‘excess’ delivers on their promises at describing the history of fixation that the notion of subjectivity sometimes maintains. ‘Excess’ is the mess of the body they implicate into previously disembodied theories of subjectivation and subjectivity; it works. Nonetheless, the appropriate place to situate excess may be in the powers of subjectivation itself. Rather than saying the body is in excess of the powers that made it, perhaps such powers are in excess of corporeality.

III.ii

Here I want to note that ‘subjectivation’ is not an entity that exists above or beyond a subject or individual; on the contrary, invoking ‘subjectivation’ is to invoke the many subjects who uphold the near-perfect repetition of power. Power is just people; it is always just people who are entrusted with powers of conception and action. Thus, what is excessive about subjectivation is not the body, but the potentiality of agency, the potentiality of embodiment, and the embodied experience of being an agent.

I have introduced a bit of a knot that needs to be cleaned up: subjectivation is excessive, and potentiality is excessive. In effect, a few paradoxes have been introduced that I am unsure if I can tidy. (Could I leave it all with the statement that maybe everything is excessive?) To lean into this term of excess utilized by the three B’s, I would have to agree with them that bodies are messy and excessive; bodies are, in a word, uncontainable. In the first section, I claim that bodies (and myself) are messy. However, my experience of messiness is situated in the excess of the gesture and the limits of language, not in the lack of categorical tools and techniques of power that fail to ‘contain’ bodies. Bodies themselves are quite neat and tidy – perhaps this is an assumption resulting from a capitalist, biomedical perspective I am interpellated by – and the experience of bodiliness is one of simplicity. Right, left, right, left, walking for my able-bodied self is easy; I do not have to relearn what is right and left in a step nor when I pick up a pen. I am what I am, corporeal and fleshy. Bodiliness can be understood as a closed system in relation to its environment, an aspect of a broader ecology of symbiosis. The mess of bodiliness in gesture that I am speaking of is in relation to language (the life-source of theory). Again, I draw on Agamben (1999) to describe what I here gesture towards:

“Gesture is not an absolutely nonlinguistic element but, rather, something closely tied to language. It is first of all a forceful presence in language itself, one that is older and more originary than conceptual expression.” (77)

A little later on:

“The more human beings have language, the stronger the unsayable weighs them down… the more the speaker tries to express himself in words, the more he makes himself incomprehensible… gesture is always the gesture of being at a loss in language” (Agamben, 1999: 78)

Gesture, as in gesticulation, as in the embodied experience of sociality and being in the world, provides a possible way to determine the excess of subjectivation and subjectivation. The body, always in relation to language and discourse, is definitely in excess of the discourses that form the subject by way of gesture being at a loss in language. Yet, the excess exists in the wordiness of discourse, too. The more steeped in discourse, the less it makes sense, the less power the words have. The excess of the body in relation to subjectivity thus settles on subjectivation itself. It is an excessive process; one that attempts totality and in so doing, exceeds its own bounds, producing agentic subjects that are left to their potentialities of new futurities.

An example (hopefully brief given the weight and mass of what still needs to come): I have been subjectivated through dance training, I am a subject of dance who was once mastered by the techniques and who now masters those techniques. I am also subjectivated on an ongoing, continuous basis as I continue to engage in the milieu. I, as a fleshy dancing subject, am not in excess of the techniques themselves, rather the excess of the techniques is part of my subject-core. In attempts to subjectivate me, these techniques go overboard, leaking themselves into every corner, making themselves more and more visible, more and more vulnerable to my agentic penetration. Pointing my toes, lifting my legs, perfecting turns and twists and rolls over the course of years of intensive training was a process of stripping. Dance training broke me and stripped me down of all ‘unproductive’ habits, seeking to build me anew. In my practice now, I have the capacity to scavenge and remake myself, both inside and outside the powers of dance training. I scavenge from a love life, from a family life, from an academic life, and my dancing subjectivity bears on these aspects of my life, too. Forever folding and unfolding, increasing the surface area of Being, I am not a singular subject of dance, but a dancing subject, prancing across discourses of containment.

Because I identify as a dance artist, I am brought in as a subject of dance. Because I make dance in the way I do, and the aesthetics I end up engaging in become a relational practice (dance aesthetics relate to one another), I am a subject alongside other subjects. Daily training in dance school was an immediate form of subjectivation. No longer in school, I am still subjectivated by processes of grant writing, talking to presenters, booking studio space, managing other’s schedules, taking classes, working on other’s projects… To engage as a subject of dance is not merely in the technique. The subjectivity of a dancer is grounded in the excess of how subjects relate to a practice that is grounded in many bodies and places, as well as in the practices that exceed a definition of what it is to be a dancer. The excess of the subjected body exists in embodied agency whereby a dancer, after (and in) training learns of how their experience and desires of dancing exceed the bounds that are imposed by the subjectivating powers (teachers, choreographers, directors). Quite literally this is found in the moment a dancer makes a move – dancers train to be reliable, their training subjectivates them, and their subjectivity exists in and around the habits that could not be stripped, in the idiosyncrasies that remain despite training. Following choreography or a score still brings the whole self, uncontainable by a choreography, thus making the expressions of subjectivity visible, palpable. Almost defiance, the excess of agency in dance is in the small slips and deviations.

Simply put, the excess of subjectivity is not necessarily grounded in the body-as-body, rather excess could be located at the multiplicity of subjectivities, the excess of subjectivations that I must endure constantly in the imperfect iterations of being. I should have started with that.

IV

With this groundwork out of the way, we approach bodiliness as the point from which all perceptions and experiences of the world emerges. It is a late introduction (perhaps an excessive introduction), but I would like to explicitly bring Thomas Csordas into this. Bringing Csordas in will provide a deeper context towards a use of “the body” in the current situation of working towards the body as potentiality. More directly, Csordas will deliver us to an understanding of care as a fundamental and unavoidable duality.

IV.i

The magnum opus of the embodiment paradigm in anthropology is Csordas’ 1990 text “Embodiment as a paradigm for Anthropology.” In it, he claims that an anthropological approach to embodiment “begins from the methodological postulate that the body is an object to be studied in relation to culture, but is considered as the subject of culture, or in other words as the existential ground of culture” (Csordas, 1990: 5, emphasis original). Already we can see how subjectivity fits into this paradigm. The subject of culture alludes to the embodied subject being in constant relation to the construction, maintenance, reproduction, augmentation, and rupture of a given cultural context. Csordas grounds his text in two terms: perception (Merleau-Ponty’s term) and practice (Bourdieu’s term). Of utmost concern for Csordas is mitigating dualism in general, and the mind/body division in specific. To do this, he draws on the French men (Merleau-Ponty and Bourdieu):

“The collapsing of dualities in embodiment requires that the body as a methodological figure itself be non-dualistic, that is, not distinct from or in interaction with an opposed principle of mind. Thus, for Merleau-Ponty the body is a ‘setting in relation to the world,’ and consciousness is the body projecting itself into the world; for Bourdieu the socially informed body is the ‘principle generating and unifying all practices,’ and consciousness is a form of strategic calculation fused with a system of objective potentialities.” (Csordas, 1990: 8)

From this quote we understand that embodiment serves anthropological analyses by way of collapsing dualities, while situating embodiment in perception, or the being in the world, and practice, the doing of being. Both are always situated in relation to norms and values offered by the cultural contexts in which potentialities of becoming are defined. Initially, this paradigm is seductive for the prospect of the body as potentiality. Csordas even uses the word potentiality! However, when posited in the midst of an essay that is working to conceptualize embodied agency in relation to the process of subjectivation, the paradigm Csordas proposes no longer holds water (or at least it becomes shaky grounds to stand on).

“In taking up a paradigm of embodiment, it is critical to apply the analysis of subject and object to our distinction between mind and body, between self and other, between cognition and emotion, and between subjectivity and objectivity in the social sciences… My argument has been that on the level of perception it is not legitimate to distinguish mind and body… When the body is recognized for what it is in experiential terms, not as an object but as a subject, the mind body distinction becomes more much more uncertain.” (Csordas, 1990: 36).

Fundamentally I agree with what Csordas is getting at here – bodiliness as it is experienced is… well, in excess of any dualism that might be imposed. I agree that it is absolutely not legitimate to distinguish between mind and body, on any occasion. However, the problem for me arises in his reliance on object and subject to collapse this duality; carelessly harnessing object with mind, and subject with body, fails to account for the variety of subjectivating practices that interpellate a subject. Further, the world as we know it is full of subjects and objects; it is not a sin to say that I am both a subject and an object, and sometimes it is good to distinguish which one I am in an interpellative instance. If we bring in the various discussions that have preceded this moment in the essay, we can see that dualities exist regardless of our attempts to collapse them. In the case of potentiality, impotentiality completes the pair. For subjectivation, we have power and subject as the dualism of explanatory value. In essence, a critique I have held of Csordas – that he himself ends up falling into a dualism – might be a critique of misrecognition.

I am concerned with dualisms because, perhaps, they are valuable to us, as subjects and agents. They offer a performative grounding of being, illusory as it may be. Going a step further and inquiring into an existential grounding of embodiment may be more productive in collapsing dualities (Heidegger’s Being-in-the-world could provide the essential erasure). Nonetheless, in the experiential arena – a concern for all theorists and scholars so far introduced – dualities will persist all the way down. If it is dualisms all the way down, then it is a matter of determining a better dualism within which to ground embodied analyses. A better dualism could provide insight into the body as potentiality, embodied agency. After the paradox of excess, we arrive at a double bind of duality. By ‘better dualism’ I mean one that could honour the excesses as they are divvied up and lived in the mess of Being, one that would be iterative and reciprocal and eating itself all the time.

IV.ii

I realize that in many ways placing all these texts and ideas together feel at odds. Csordas and Briginshaw are distinctly anthropological, offering terms, concepts, and frameworks that methodologically situate bodiliness and embodiment. These methodological approaches feel, on an intuitive basis, to jive well with the philosophical. I do, nonetheless realize that Csordas and Briginshaw are not asking what the body or embodiment is, but rather follow up on what embodiment and bodiliness does. I think it is productive to bring all of these perspectives together, if only as a way to acknowledge that methodological approaches still serve as philosophy.

V

I am working towards something here, I feel it. I worry about legitimacy, about correctness, about being enough, about having a strong enough punching line. I repeat myself over and over, drawing back over the first lines to make them thicker, more visible, maybe more powerful. The presence of my body in haunts all over the city are unified in the single essay, in this moment of expression that cannot quite contain what I feel I’m after.

V.i

Jumping off Csordas’ point that perception and practice are the primary sites of bodiliness and embodiment, I return to Berlant (2006) and Agamben (1999). Their harmonizing works on potentiality and the impasse can step us into this more productive dualism that I am invoking. To reiterate: the impasse for Berlant is the instance of an event that brings us face to face with the possibility of falling back into habituation, or of thrusting us into new futurities. The impasse is the instance of potentiality. For Agamben, potentiality is directly in relation to the impotentiality of a Being, the potential to say “I cannot”. They come together in this essay to describe potentiality as an embodied experience on the edge of something, always in movement, and always in relation to the broader social and cultural contexts that determine what habit and new futures may be.  

With this notion of potentiality I am no longer bound to a mind/body dualism (embodiment is the germinal necessity, grounded in subjectivation and agency). However, the body in itself, in its constitution as “the body” involves a practical duality. Put forth by Agamben in his work The Uses of Bodies (2015), he follows Aristotle and Foucault in determining that care/use is the formative duality of embodiment. To posit care in relation to use, there emerges a promise for understanding how bodiliness is constituted in processes of subjectivation, and in relation to subjectivation. I am saying that care of one’s own body separates it from an ‘I’; my care of my body is separate from (yet still entangled with) the ‘I’ that is constituted through subjectivation. My subjectivity of ‘I’ determines how I will care for my body – what methods and tools determined on a basis of power – but this care produces an excess of relation to this ‘I’. Agamben writes:

“If the one who uses and that of which one makes use are not the same thing, this means then that the human being (who ‘uses his whole body’)… does not coincide with his body and therefore, in taking care of it, he is taking care of a ‘a thing that is his own’… but not ‘of himself’.” (Agamben, 2015: 31)

Again, we could return to the problematics laid bare by Berlant of possession (attachments are not possessions but promises). However, the materiality of the body in this quote is such that it has an unnegotiable possession. I have my body whether I like it or not; I can sell its uses, but I cannot sell it. An economics of possession is already written into the embodied experience. Agamben here shows us a deeper duality than mind/body, a dualism grounded in action and recognition. The body, as a social vector of Being, is torn, rugged, oddly shaped from the start. Making use of ones embodied potentialities takes a stance that is at odds with the ‘I’ around which the uses are situated. More specifically, only in being a subject can we care for the body of the self.  

“The relation of use, which constitutes precisely the primary dimension in which subjectivity is constituted, thus remains in the shadows and gives way to a primacy of care over use… it is only insofar as a human being is introduced as subject into a series of relations of use that a care-of-oneself may perhaps become possible.” (Agamben, 2015: 33-34)

Subjectivity is consequently a relation of uses, being of use to the subjectivating powers in reiterative agency. Only once we submit to such powers to form a subjectivity, an ‘I’, can we have the grounds on which to care for our bodies, bodies as subject. The body accordingly exists in a third theoretical space, despite occupying the same space of the ‘I’. A new dualism emerges, and a productive one at that; one that does not separate an inside from an outside, but a dualism that joins the ‘I’ of subjectivity with the acts of embodied agency. Care of one’s body therefore becomes the mechanism with which one relates to themselves.

With care, we can fully understand the weight of the impasse proposed by Berlant. Care gives weight, meaning, significance, importance to the impasse of habituation and new ways of being. Care, as the relationship to the subjected self marks an event as socially and culturally important, thrusting the embodied self into a spiral of doing and being. What to do, how to be, with whom to ally, who to follow, who to reject and refuse, what to consume, what time to arrive… we care about how we align ourselves with the impasse of being. We care about the potentialities we contain and the potency of becoming something else. We register care on an embodied level deeply entangled with the sociality of subjectivation. Feelings emerge, and so too do actions and uses. This duality of the body and the ‘I’, mitigated through care, leverages understandings of how bodiliness is implicated in processes of subjectivation. Care gives direction to the multiplicity of potentiality and the impasses faced therein; the body as potentiality emerges as that which is subjectivated through a necessity to care about how a subject continues to be in relation to the embodied and agentic self.

VI

Well, I have grand doubts if this is making sense. I may have taken a few thousand words to say what has already been said by someone much more skillful and knowledgeable than I. Nonetheless, these turns and twists towards the body as potentiality make sense for me in my embodied situation. As a dancer, or someone who is concerned with my movements and gesticulations in communicative modes, I see the intuitive linking between “the body”, potentiality, and subjectivation to be exciting. Ultimately, I feel we have found ourselves having made this link, requiring only a few more aspects of the body as potentiality to be addressed.

VI.i

The body as potentiality involves a possible hiccup. Potentiality must be understood in terms of Briginshaw’s potency, and not as ‘potential’. This term, ‘potential’ was a term uttered to me often while in dance school: “You have so much potential,” “I see so much potential in you.” These are, in effect, violent utterances, offering a foreclosure to my own flourishing, imposing an intended fixed potential. Agamben, Berlant, and Briginshaw align on the understanding of potentiality being something moving, constantly adapting within constraints, an instance of improvising based on what is already at hand. Potentiality, in terms of the body, is not the same as ‘potential’ where, like a flower, we sprint towards a moment of blooming. Rather, potentiality follows more closely with Sartre’s approach to freedom wherein the human, or the subject, is constantly existing in an ambiguous relationship to what is and what is not. Sartre writes:

“We insist on our individual rights only within the compass of a vast project which would tend to confer existence on us in terms of the function which we fulfill. This is the reason why man [sic] tries so often to identify himself with his function and seeks to see in himself only the "Presiding Judge of the Court of Appeal," the "Chief Treasurer and Paymaster" etc. Each of these functions has its existence justified by its end. To be identified with one of them is to take one's own existence as saved from contingency. But these efforts to escape original contingency succeed only in better establishing the existence of this contingency.” (1943: 485)

In other words, potentiality always includes multiple genuine possibilities of opportunity in every concrete situation. Potentiality is presence to situational possibilities; never singular, but always unfolding, always moving. A subject has been made into the ‘Presiding Judge of the Court of Appeal’, but this determined potential is itself riddled with contingency that demands the ongoing negotiations of its potentiality in becoming as it relates to the broader structuring powers. Thus, potentiality is that which unfolds alongside power in terms of the possibilities of action. Potentiality is multiple.

VI.ii

Within this potentiality based in subjectivation, Biehl et al, Briginshaw, and Brown (a reappearance of the three B’s) provide the necessary nuance to potentiality: difference. Being a subject is not an isolated thing; as we have seen, subjectivity is this constant negotiation with the world and the self. Additionally, because power is just people and because our worlds are filled with both subjects and objects, our subjectivity is relative and relational to other subjectivities. The issue here then is to account for differences between and within subjects. Remember, The three B’s ground their conceptualizations and analyses of subjectivity in postmodernist thought. Briginshaw notes that

“in much Western philosophy subjection erases difference to maintain the illusion of sameness. Within the context of certain strands of postmodern theory the differences in subjects are recognized, so that subjects are seen as fragmented or split. This allows for subjects to be both the same and different from one another, to be both gendered and ‘racialized’, to be both agents with power to act on the one hand, and subjected to the rules and laws of language on the other.” (2009: 6, emphasis original)

Echoing this, Biehl (2007) et al describe a broader difference of subjectivity across time and cultural spaces as a means to inquire into “historically situated differences in social sensibility and what it means to feel and regard oneself as human; cross-cultural differences in cognition, affect, and action; and peculiarities of each individual.” (3). Brown grounds difference in a literally embodied, experiential understanding of subjectivity. For Brown (2011), certain dance forms illicit an experience of subjectivity “as mobile through physical exchange that thereby negates the notion of difference as fixed and determinate” (67). Dancing offers “a means to destabilize and shift through fixed identities, thereby erasing a hierarchical understanding of difference in part because they embrace a somatic approach to the body.” (ibid).  Difference becomes an invaluable vector to organizations and experiences of subjectivity that traverse the personal, the social, the structural, and the participatory. Difference then comes to shape the motions of potentiality that are circumscribed by these many factors. Potentiality as the different sorts of possibilities in which I can follow, pursue, engage, refuse.

Grounding the ‘body as potentiality’ through power and difference returns us to the body once again, as in the literal fleshy body, the bloody and queer and shaking body. Oh how my body can tremble. The body as the site and product of subjectivation and the site of all important actions that carry out the self. The body as potentiality asks us to embrace agency as embodied, agency filtered through, acting upon, moving with our steps and breaths. This is an avenue to explore more, embodied agency, and fieldwork (dancing) will help me in my desire to flesh this out more tangibly.

VII

We began with a concern for the body as potentiality and all that which would fall out of it. The terms potentiality, subjectivation, subjectivity, and “the body” have been addressed in relation to the term of excess. Excess thoroughly complicated the relationship of the embodied subject that follows from postmodernist threads of subjectivity. The contemporaneous approach to subjectivity could be captured in this delicious term of excess. The body, power, subjectivity, all of it is in excess of itself. The paradigm of embodiment was introduced as a way to reaffirm the body as the locus and basis of all being and perception. This paradigm was also an entry into addressing the pervasive mind/body dualism that troubles the attempt at sketching the body as potentiality. From here we followed this path of dualisms, acknowledging that dualisms may be inescapable, to find a more productive dualism in care/use of the body in terms of subjectivity. Introducing care showed us the gravity of the impasse that is characteristic of potentiality. We then looked at potentiality as not ‘potential’, but rather the multiple and many and always in relation to power and difference. Finally, there was a moment of seeing the body as potential opening up a possibility of understanding embodied agency.

That was a lot. I am hoping that there is something here is that moves us somewhere new, a text of potentiality that offers new futures of thinking about the body and subjectivity. I do feel more at ease about the analytic category of “the body”, I feel I did a decent job at unpacking some of its stickier points. As mentioned, I would like to work more on this idea of the body as potentiality. This would require more work around the notion of the embodied agent. Nonetheless, having a loose path around which agency and subjectivation have been marked allow for this future endeavour to be less daunting. When it comes to the meat of my research I am torn between modes of communication. At times the philosophical approach I engaged above felt good – somatically I felt that I was going somewhere and it was meaningful. However, such theoretical mode also felt too abstract to bring back to the topic and experience of the body. Still, even after all this work, I harbour a deep anxiety about the relationship between theory and body.

Another possible angle of future approaches would be to stick to the discomfort in the relationship between theory and bodiliness. Such task is not new to me, but still the discomfort of how theory applies to bodies, on the ground is in need of more work. The most obvious initial entry into this will be in my field work, seeing how theory comes out of the experience. Not the other way around. I sense imperial detritus when I attempt to slap on theory like that onto living and moving bodies. Theory does not feel slapped onto my body, however, when I write in this mode. This theory does, in the end, come out of me, from my fingers, shaped by the powers invested in my subjectivity and my utility… the theory is of my own approach to being an embodied subject… sometimes crushed with the possibilities of potentiality. This paper is a proven feat that potentiality is movement, potentiality is always the experience of time passing, counted on the corporeal plane.

 References

Agamben, Giorgio. (1999). Potentialities: collected essays in philosophy. (D. Heller-Roazen, Trans.). Stanford, Cal.: Stanford University Press.

Agamben, Giorgio. (2015). The use of bodies. (A. Kotsko, Trans.). Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press.

Berlant, Lauren. G. (2011). Cruel optimism. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.

Biehl João, Good, B., & Kleinman, A. (2007). Subjectivity: ethnographic investigations. Berkeley: Univ. of California Press.

Briginshaw, Valerie. A. (2009). Dance, space and subjectivity. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan.

Brown, Natalie. G. (2011). Disorientation and emergent subjectivity: The political potentiality of embodied encounter. Journal of Dance & Somatic Practices, 3(1)

Butler, Judith. (1997). The psychic life of power: theories in subjection. Stanford: Stanford Univ. Press.

Csordas, Thomas. J. (1990). Embodiment as a Paradigm for Anthropology. Ethos, 18(1), 5–47.

Sartre, Jean.-Paul. (1943). Being and nothingness: an essay in phenomenological ontology. London: Routledge.

Svendsen, Mette. N. (2011). ARTICULATING POTENTIALITY: Notes on the Delineation of the Blank Figure in Human Embryonic Stem Cell Research. Cultural Anthropology, 26(3), 414–437.