#someone to talk to

[summa-of-love]

i’m just saying like, what if someone loved me? What if someone’s day was made when they saw me, what if they buried their face in my hoodie, what if we snuck away into a corner and just sat there, bodies intertwined in a state of comfort. what if they had a nickname for me, what if they remembered the names of my dogs, what if our love for each other was so obvious that my anxiety couldn’t touch it? that’s all i’m saying.

[eudaimoniaxoxx]

Hello!! I'm creating a group chat on Instagram, if you wanna join, if you want someone to talk to, or if you wanna make a difference, dm me <3

[rastronomicals]

6:34 AM EDT October 21, 2024:

The Police - "Someone To Talk To" From the album Flexible Strategies (2018)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

[loveuimsorry]

he’s just a guyyy (i feel so painfully lonely without him)

[poweroftheplus]

I just want

[sagebriarspoets]

Help Hotline

M: “You have reached the Emotional Wellness Network. This line is no longer staffed. Live support is not available at this time.”

J: Thanks, Marve.

M: “If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, please hang up and contact emergency services.”

J: You know I won’t.

M: “This line remains operational for archival and administrative purposes only. If you would like to leave a message, you may do so after the tone. Messages may not be reviewed or responded to.”

J: But you still get ‘em.

M: “For commonly asked questions, please refer to our website. Some resources may be outdated or inactive.”

J: Since 2019.

M: “We appreciate your understanding.”

J: Eh, don’t mention it.

M: Beep

J: It’s Jay again, I see Marve still hasn’t changed. Y’know, he’s the most consistent guy you got on staff. That bastard is ready to answer my calls 24/7. He even worked New Years’ Eve. I wanted to spend it with you, but you know how it is with Marve, he’s gotta do the whole spiel everytime. I wish anybody else in my life was as consistent as he is.

Anyway, wasting precious minutes, here. Nothin’ ever changes. So this morning, you know the routine by now, accidentally cut myself on a broken plate. And you know what I didn’t do? Fix it.

Anyway, like usual, I know I should have put a bandage on it but I just thought, like, y’know–what’s the point? It’s not like I’m using it. Or want to, anyway. But I’m not here to tell you the same ol’ story over and over again, nahh, I got somethin’ a little happier, a touch of sunshine today. Y’see, I think I’ve been gettin’ better. ‘Cause I did clean it up this time. Hell, there’s a bandage on it right now, fresh and clean. Ah, man, you woulda been so proud’a me. I wanted to call you as soon as it happened, but you know how work is. Can’t catch a break.

So, yeah, that’s about it. Not much to tell you today, but somethin’ about knowin’ you’re always here is important to me. I still get up each mornin’ ‘cause I know Marve’ll be wonderin’ where I am if I don’t call even once the whole day. And you, I bet you’d miss me, too. I know you won’t say it, but that don’t mean it isn’t true. It’s alright, though, buddy. I love you, too. You don’t have to say it back to–

M: Beep.

***

M: “You have reached the Emotional Wellness Network. This line is no longer staffed. Live support is not available at this time.”

J: Thanks, Marve.

M: “If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, please hang up and contact emergency services.”

J: They won’t do shit.

M: “This line remains operational for archival and administrative purposes only. If you would like to leave a message, you may do so after the tone. Messages may not be reviewed or responded to.”

J: But they get collected.

M: “For commonly asked questions, please refer to our website. Some resources may be outdated or inactive.”

J: Did they ever work?

M: “We appreciate your understanding.”

J: Never change, Marve.

M: Beep

J: Hey, buddy, you gotta give Marve a raise, man. I’m serious. He never misses a beat, hasn’t fumbled his line once in eight months.

I didn’t have much to say tonight. Just thought I should call. Routine and all. Don’t want you worrying. I made dinner. Real food, not just toast. Even used a knife and didn’t nick myself, so—gold star for me, eh? But . . . I dunno, man. I just feel a little clearer lately. Like I’m not trying so hard to stay above water anymore. Like maybe the water’s lowering. [Sigh]. I think . . . I think I’m really doing better now. You know? And I think it’s ‘cause of this. Of you.

That’s all, I won’t use up all your minutes this time, just . . . thanks, buddy.

M: Beep

***

M: “You have reached the Emotional Wellness Network. This line is no longer staffed. Live support is not available at this time.”

J: Thanks, Marve.

M: “If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, please hang up and contact emergency services.”

J: I might, man, you never know.

M: “This line remains operational for archival and administrative purposes only. If you would like to leave a message, you may do so after the tone. Messages may not be reviewed or responded to.”

J: Good one, buddy.

M: “For commonly asked questions, please refer to our website. Some resources may be outdated or inactive.”

J: It’s a porno site, now.

M: “We appreciate your understanding.”

J: I appreciate you, Marve.

M: Beep

J: Hey, I’m sorry I’m calling so late. I had a bad dream. I know, I know, I should have normal grown-up problems, like drinkin’ too much, but you and Marve? You know how it is.

It always starts the same: that smell. That fake lemon cleaner that burns your nose, makes your eyes sting before you even touch the mop. And I’m back in that old house, standing in the middle of the kitchen, holding the stick like a shield. The floor’s already clean. I know it is. But I keep scrubbing anyway, ‘cause it’s not about being clean. It never was. It was about keeping her quiet and me invisible, or at least busy.

But this time? I wasn’t scared. I noticed that. In the dream, I looked at my hands, and they weren’t shaking. I didn’t feel small. I didn’t feel trapped. It’s like I could see the dream for what it was–like it didn’t own me anymore.

And then something happened I don’t think’s ever happened before. I stopped. Just . . . set the mop down. Didn’t throw it, didn’t cry. Just placed it on the tile like I was done. And for the first time, I believed it. That I didn’t deserve what I got. That I was just a kid trying his best. That it wasn’t my fault.

I woke up feeling . . . calm. I’ve never had that, not after that dream. And I think it’s ‘cause of you. All these nights, talking to Marve, to you. Even if you’re not really there, it felt like someone was listening. I think maybe that was all I ever needed. Someone to listen. And that’s what you do best. I was thinking that we could maybe–

M: Beep

M: "We’re sorry, the inbox for the number you have dialed is full. Goodbye."

[rotundone]

.

[frogsandfries]

Who ever thought being invited on a five mile hike

Would be what triggered me.

My sister wants to go on this five mile cave hike.

I'd fucking love to go. However, walking to the grocery store down the street is like walking around with a fucking pillow on my fucking face.

I know I didn't get it the worst.

I don't have to live on disability because of PEM. I don't have to live with oxygen strapped to my face. I didn't have to be hospitalized (though, maybe in another world, I would have gone to the hospital if I could have trusted that ER staff would help).

I don't look like I have covid.

I'm just fucking fat. Surely if I lost a few pounds, I could be back to my normal self.

I've lost several pounds.

It hasn't changed shit.

I can't eat fucking nuts or coffee because they taste fucking rancid. There are other foods that taste off or weird, but nuts are the worst. And it's frustrating, because I keep them as a snack on my desk, but now they're a food of absolute last resort.

I I I me me me yes I know. But look. I haven't really talked about my post-covid experience. I haven't even really thought about it.

For example, my sense of smell was never my most significant/favored sense. But it's fucking weird not to be able to smell much of anything. If my building was on fire, I may not fucking know till a fucking alarm goes off. I can't tell where smells are coming from. So if something stinks and needs to be gotten rid of, I need to rely on my vision. I rarely smell food as it's cooking, but luckily, I never understood the "having a cold makes food taste bland"--I can still taste food. And see?? Even for that, I should be grateful. All food could taste rancid. Or not taste at all. What am I whining about.

I think right now, the thing I'm most upset about is, I'm already fat. I feel like I can't talk about this to anyone, but my endurance is not improving by exercising. I'm not really losing weight, I'm just yoyoing up and down in the same seven pound range (eating breakfast does help for me personally, just anecdotally speaking).

I can't fucking do cardio that might help me lose weight. I can't walk around my fucking apartment. I can't walk to the fucking grocery store or the fucking bus stop because it constantly feels like there's a fucking pillow over my face. This is not asthma. I grew up with asthma. I ran those stupid Bush fitness miles with asthma.

It's not getting better. It's not going away.

I feel alienated by my body, and I feel like I can't even tell my sister because it's just an excuse, well you've gained so much weight, I bet if you just lost that weight, you'd be right back in ship shape.

She was most impacted as a kid by our dad's weight talk. My dad was a typical 00's dad--fatphobic af. Which is ironic, because both of our gene donors come from rather fat families. I don't know how much she's changed on that front with new information. I just don't feel like she'd understand.

You wouldn't believe it. So I used to be a really tearful kid. My anger came out through my tear ducts, my frustration, my feelings of.....not being enough or being able to do enough. On the antidepressants, there have been lots of times when I've thought I was going to cry; my body wanted to, but I'm just not able. And that's.....okay enough with me.

But today, I was full on with the ragged breathing and snot.

All over a hike.

[great-and-small]

The majority of the Earth’s rodents: How do you survive environments with practically zero oxygen, feel no pain, and live for decades when none of the rest of us can???

Naked mole-rats:

[astral-scout]

party rockers in the

[i-am-made-of-stupid]

I know part of me wishes I could be in a relationship because I miss the connection I had and having someone I can talk to all the time.

But in the time since I broke up with my ex I have decided that waiting a while before I try and date again is best.

I would still like to have someone to talk to every once in a while. I think it’s nice to just have someone I can nerd out about Elder Scrolls lore or just whatever in general, doesn’t even need to become a relationship.

[stimmingandstruggling]

more good news from tiktok: they’ve started blocking celebrities.

they’re calling it block party 2024. just blocking and ignoring countless celebrities who havent said shit about palestine. influencers, actors, anyone who went to the met gala, whatever, they’re getting blocked. and people keep talking about how cathartic it is, how good it feels, how they never realized they could DO that. there was some kind of subconscious law against blocking famous people, but it’s broken, and people are LOVING it. and it’s WORKING. a social media/digital advertising coordinator was talking about how ad companies are PANICKING, because they can’t accurately target anymore. so many big influencers, including fucking LIZZO started talking about palestine the MOMENT their follower counts started going down. and the best part? no one is forgiving them. lizzo posted a tiktok asking people to donate to palestinian families, and all the comments just said you’re a multimillionaire. put your money where your mouth is. blocked.

i feel like i’m witnessing the downfall of celebrity culture, right here right now. people are waking up.

[stealingpotatoes]

i love OCs. like this is my emotional support dressup dolly that i beat the living shit out of

[girl-trying-to-escape-reality]

Anyone wanna come to my inbox to chat?? I'm bored and wanna talk about anything that comes to mind!

[minimus]

I need a friendddddd