#sugar yap sesh

[bluescreenvirus]

chaos' apology for + addressment of everything.

i am posting this for him as he is not logged in anymore and does not wish to, but this is directly copy and pasted from him. i will be posting other VERY important statements and information to help clear a few things up, especially regarding the misinfo involving sugarydeceit. i've already cleared some of that up privately, but i want it to be public info so ppl can feel secure. it may take longer than others to post due to being busy, but please keep an eye out if you could:

...

"first and foremost: i am sorry. i'm going to get into specifics but i want to preface with a blanket "i'm sorry" first.

to start, i'm sorry to ridley and friends and the ventblogs for not handling things better. i've been doing... bad, to put it lightly, ever since the document dropped. i've been unpacking nearly 8 years of constant abuse every day, and i've started taking it out on others. i have noticeably gotten worse than i used to be. which is an unfortunate part of healing. and i regret forcing the resulting harshness of my pain onto others, especially some minors. it wasn't your guys' fault for the things that happened to me, you shouldn't have been subjected to my ire. it was wrong. so again i am sincerely sorry for that.

and no, forgiveness is not my goal, i don't want anyone to demand i be forgiven or for anyone to feel obligated to forgive me. i don't have any problem getting mad at people who think it's okay to harass other people in my honor- it's not okay. it's never okay. and i'm really sorry that people did that. i'm not sure exactly what was sent to people originally, it's really hard for me to see/find things with how many people have me blocked, so i'm sorry if that apology feels too vague. but i am specifically sorry that people tried to blame ridley for me wanting to kms. it... was because of that situation, yes, but i don't want to put that on a kid, and no one else should either. especially if you're not me. why are you accusing anyone if you're not me. it's not your place. stop it.

i'm also sorry for the situation that sparked all of this. i really did believe that the ventblogs had a major problem with acting impulsively and making situations worse than they needed to be, however, i did not express that opinion in a nice way. and in the process i made people feel like i didn't care about the hate/harassment they had recieved. so i'm sincerely sorry for that, too.

i'm also sorry for bringing up kitty genovese. it was NEVER my intention to trivialize a rape+murder, i had hoped that would be obvious, but i saw that it wasn't and became angrier instead of calmly explaining what i meant. i only referenced kitty genovese in regards to the bystander effect- i know many in this fandom are young, so it's possible people googled her and saw a rape+murder case and took what i said very wrong. which i understand. if you don't know, kitty genovese is the main example used in every study of something called "the bystander effect", that's why i brought up the case. i felt the bystander effect applied to what i was experiencing. but it would've been better to just say the bystander effect, rather than assume everyone knew who kitty genovese was and the studies that stemmed from her case. i'm sorry again for all of that.

now i just. want to try and explain some things, if i may? i know people don't particularly want to listen to me anymore, so if you want to just stop reading at the apology, feel free. that's why i've separated the two. if you do choose to stop reading what i have to say here, i wish you well.

it was never ever my intention to make ridley feel attacked/endangered by me. i was just really, really scared, when i saw that ridley was sharing sugarydeceits/sweetfuls/lopsys lies about me, and people were believing them.

sugarydeceit has been harassing my partner and i for months- over half a year, actually, and has a history of doxxing people and sharing their names publicly. it even took one of the people to court, lio convoy, who i don't like as a person obviously, but sugarydeceit did take him to court. you can even find the recording of it on youtube. sugarydeceit has threatened to do the same thing with me many times. i've been careful to hide my personal information but even then it's not a guarantee of my safety. so i freaked out, and tunnel-visioned, because i need to keep myself and my partner safe from sugarydeceit. and any support it gets emboldens it to send us threats of death, harm, and other horrible things. i already woke up to some anons from it today because of all of this. [pictured below] having support has made it brave again when i had just finally gotten it to back off again a few days ago because it was stupid enough to insult sugar's grief about his dying great grandfather.—

[anon hate as a result of the mention of sugary deceit pictured above, one even targeting chaos abuse from KC by saying "go cuddle your little sis." not blaming anyone of course, this is only the fault of those who sent these anons.]

—that's why i wanted the posts taken down, on top of the fact that the information was untrue/exaggerated, which i'm sure sugar addressed in this post already. the posts put me and sugar in danger, the posts got us harassed- like i knew they would. i felt powerless and miserable and i didn't know what to do anymore. i really was making plans on how to kill myself because i thought it was over for me. i wasn't going to survive if the whole fandom began supporting my stalker, so i was in... survival mode, i guess. in that moment i wished i was back in the zcp. and i still kind of feel like that. it was abuse, but at least i didn't know that it was. it was a comfortable kind of misery. maybe that's just some weird kind of stockholm syndrome, i don't know.

i never want to come back to this fandom. it's absolutely mortifying to have my 'friends' all outcast and hate me for nearly 8 years, only to find a place i thought was safe, and then have the same exact thing happen. i haven't felt safe here ever since i was harassed for saying i didn't have enough information to pick sides in the maxim vs ridley situation, and then maxim himself was horrible to me in a way i can't address publicly right now, and then all of this. just being here scares me. all of anticare scares me. that's why i told people to not interact or use my ocs anymore. i was scared and just wanted to be left alone. it wasn't a personal attack against anyone, or me trying to invalidate previous support, i just had too many bad experiences that traumatized me and triggered me. i'm never even going to be able to release my own statement about my abuse because i'm terrified of the fandom picking it apart to try and invalidate me, or using the personal nature of the content to send me crueler targetted harassment, or just not caring.

i do have some involvement in the doc. i provided them with a fair amount of information considering my past proximity to kc, and i was able to confirm/deny things they were unsure about. i was going to have a section about my abuse, but i pulled out of adding it. so please don't discredit the entire doc just because you hate me. there are real predators, and real extremely damning pieces of evidence, addressed within it. and some other victims still made the choice to include their stories. so if you care about the other victims you'll spread it and support it. please.

the only further 'involvement' i'm probably ever going to have is boosting the doc when it comes out and answering any questions about it though i doubt i'll get any and i don't think i want to put them in the tag if i do answer any. if anything questions should be directed toward the doc blog and if they need an answer from me they'll ask me and parrot what i say.

the support was nice while it lasted and i appreciate it. but i can't be here anymore. and i would appreciate it if people just stopped talking about me so i don't have to be terrified of being put in danger when i can't defend myself. but i can't demand anything. i just hope someone will listen.

and i have changed my mind to agree with aobasgirlfriend, another victim, who iirc felt as though this comic shouldn't have a fandom anymore. i understand that point of view now. i don't think it should have a fandom anymore either. too many people were hurt using it, me included. i think everyone left should move on and let it die. there's nothing good that will come from staying. nothing at all.

if there's anything i've forgotten to address or apologize for, you can send it to bluescreenvirus because i'm logging out for an undetermined amount of time.

goodbye." — chaosblasts

[ghostlylemonz]

Not quite sure about the rules regarding if he can watch me through a pastry.. at least he’ll be tasty

[rodeo-dyke]

music yap sesh 1

i'm the worsttttt music nerd ever😭 worst meaning like how obnoxious i am about it. it is the number 1 thing i talk about non-stop. so mwahahahaha i'm aiming for a career in A&R, and part-time music production and mastering. so here's just me yapping multiple times for no reason🩶😛

march 11, '25 - songs y'all need to start bumping IMMEDIATELY!!!!

may you never forget me - temachii

my my - chenayder @chenayder

safe house - nectar woode

something blue - sarika

beautiful boy - esha tawari

on my body - crae wolf

bite size - sixsaidit

lovebites - lava la rue

black licorice - peach pit

cleaner air - yeek

everybody wants to love you - japanese breakfast

don't delete the kisses - wolf alice

it almost worked - tv girl @tvgirl

get with u - clairo

strawberry letter 23 - shuggie otis

two weeks - grizzly bear

heybb! - binki

pookie's requiem - sailorr

crack rock - frank ocean

april 22, '25 - the most dykey songs to ever dyke (some not *necessarily* sapphic but idc)

most wanted man by lucy dacus @lucydacus (yippee! i got to see lucy live on sat. night :3)

sugar in the tank by julien baker and torres

be my own boyfriend by olivia dean

green eyes by arlo parks @arloparks-blog (i have the most massive crush on arlo🙏🙏)

new flesh by current joys

jackie and wilson by hozier

son of a preacher man by dusty springfield

super massive black whole by muse (alice cullen...)

lethal lolita by red aunts

gunpowder & lead by miranda lambert (fem top revenge song)

worry with you by sleater-kinney @sleater-kinney

i like the way this is going by eels

rollerblades by dominic fike

mistakes by lake street dive (situationships💔💔💔💔)

drag king bar by bitch and animal

butcheress by rabbitology

christmas wrapping by the waitresses (only a lesbian would see their ex situationship and go hey let me spend xmas with you)

meet me in brooklyn by yaya bey

vanilla tobacco by eloise

animal enough by maya hawke

i'll be your woman by st. paul & the broken bones

give you the world by steve lacy

crimson and clover by the shacks

may 10, '25 - i went to a lucy dacus concert and left as a religious person

okay the title is somewhat of an exaggeration because i'm not *actually* religious but i felt closer to any cosmic power than i've ever felt there. i went to the may 9 lucy dacus concert in dallas and it sincerely blew my mind.

i'm not one to cry at movies, books, concerts, plays, etc. unless i'm extremely hormonal. usually it takes me a couple days to process and then i'll cry. however, when i went to that concert and sat in box M... i felt otherworldly.

i was crying like a baby through most of it. i felt like my heart was floating out of my body like those cartoon ghosts post-mortem. me and my best friend wiping each others tears cause the other was too distracted to notice. having silly conversations about elementary school memories in between sets. screaming my life away to night shift like a mega church attendee when they hear oceans by hillsong united. head and heart connected to each and every one in that big ass opera house.

i grew up in the southern baptist church, i moved to methodism, nowadays i'm agnostic of sorts. i never understood those people who sung louder than the choir at church and read bibles 24/7. now i understand it.

i did a presentation called sacred secular in my parents sunday school class a couple weeks ago and it was all about songs that feel holy and sacred and gospel-like but aren't church songs. rejoice by julien baker was the first song on my list. i feel like it really applies to my current state and this concert. screaming the lyrics to all of lucy's songs and airing my grievances without saying anything. embracing my queer joy, grieving my former loves, embracing my hormonal lesbian self, and tearing up over my issues with self-confidence. "i rejoice and complain" is relatable beyond belief. fuck man. i'm sobbing now.

[bluescreenvirus]

hey if you "aren't entirely caught up" and "don't entirely know what's going on" then maybe don't try and be a source of information. i've seen so much misinfo in posts like this. /lh

[bluescreenvirus]

Glittersyringe responded to an ask sent by Sweetful’s burner, they said they didn’t want to get involved but I do find it a little odd they publically responded to it at all, since they didn’t decline any of the info and instead just said ‘I’m going to step away from this’ which I’m glad they are but it really feels like because of their issues with Chaos, they now actually believe Chaos might be an abuser or smth, it’s gross

1. Ridley doesn't use they/them.

2. Don't insult him or call him gross.

While I may not agree with giving that burner account any attention at all, I do appreciate that he publicly declined involvement as it still discourages people from getting involved themselves. Ridley is just a kid, bun doesn't have to involve himself if he doesn't want to. I'm glad that she's stepping away for clowns own mental health. After everything, I do not expect her to argue with the wall that is sugarydeceit, I think everyone involved with the earlier situation involving ANTICARE—and not the mf trying to make what happened all about it—deserve a chance to rest.

Anyways I'm pretty sure ur just one of many anons trying to encourage infighting. Nice try, dude, but I'm not so immature.

[bluescreenvirus]

Yes, DNI can just mean 'leave me alone for now' in some contexts (usually Discord in my personal experience) but the vast majority of the time when people use DNI on Tumblr it means 'do not interact with me, ever. I have rarely, if ever seen DNI to mean 'leave me alone for now' on Tumblr. Usually, if someone has DNI on their blog it is used to weed out people they don't want to interact with i.e: 'DNI if you are profic, support Taylor Swift' etc. Chaos has also stated he was leaving the fandom and didn't want to engage with Sparklecare before now too: '...please don't talk to me about sparklecare. i don't want anything to do with it anymore. i just want to be left alone. i've been mistreated by all sides and i just. want to be left alone. please.' Of course, some people would see him saying Anticare needed to stop interacting with him again recently and think 'Well, I guess I should block him/avoid his future posts since that's what he wants'. That's how Tumblr DNI works most of the time. If a blogger says 'do not interact if you like Warrior Cats, it is a racist, misogynistic series and I don't support it', and if you want to respect their wishes as a WC fan you either avoid them or block them to ensure you don't interact. If someone says 'leave me alone, i want nothing to do with you' and you don't know them well enough to pick up on the implied 'i want nothing to do with you for now', how will you know they don't actually want you to avoid them or block them? The post that (to my knowledge) people started blocking him over, opened with 'anticare and etc are no longer welcome to interact with me'. That reinforced the idea he wanted everyone to leave him alone to many people. I hope this does not come off as victim blaming, I'm just sharing my perspective on the situation. Posts Cited: https://www.tumblr(.)com/chaosblast/786888011030921216/anticare-and-etc-are-no-longer-welcome-to-interact https://www.tumblr(.)com/chaosblast/785207712884703232/please-dont-talk-to-me-about-sparklecare-i

I understand everything you are saying, but it ignores the very first point i brought up in my post.

Chaos has a complex relationship with this community, because it HAS failed him multiple times in ways everyone hasn't seen. He leaves and wants nothing to do with it at times due to his PTSD, as this community has triggered that ZCP trauma multiple times (which has caused a fight or flight reaction A LOT.) However, you all are the only people who CAN understand him, that's WHY he keeps coming back. His trauma with the ZCP and Sparklcare is so complex that it is hard to get support from anyone else, especially when sparklecare/the ZCP was his only "support" for 8 years of his life. (which was close to none, but created a connection nonetheless.)

Also, I never meant to imply people wrong to block him or that Chaos was clear about his communication of what he wanted, I was just clearing up the misunderstanding. I'm sorry if it came off that I was accusing people in any way about that.

I'm not claiming people blocked him out of malice, but I am upset that people cannot be more understanding when i tell them Chaos miscommunicated or that he has an understandable reason for this push and pull with with this community. He was abused for 8 years, especially in the ZCP's group setting, where it felt like everyone was against him. He is literally unable to put his thoughts and feelings into words anymore, so he has an *extremely* hard time communicating.

I do feel a bit irked that, in response to us saying 'oh sorry, that's actually not what chaos wanted' people have gotten a little up in arms. If he was blocked out of respect, why not unblocked him to respect that it was a simple miscommunication? I'm sorry it was miscommunicated in the first place, yet if it really was done out of respect for Chaos wishes, why not continue to respect what he actually wanted?

I'm sure he can apologize for the miscommunication once he feels better, if that's what people really want. /gen

[bluescreenvirus]

Genuine question about the kiwifarms stuff; are there any receipts for it? I believe you both and I'm not asking either of you to look through your chats if it'd retraumatize you, but any hard proof you have the conversation was faked, cropped/taken out of context, etc would be nice to have so we could point at it and go 'Sugary is wrong and here is a testimony and evidence proving they were lying'.

Yeah, don't worry we do!! I'm gonna make a full statement about it sometime, I'm just super busy because of the fact I'm moving / packing atm. I have to gather the screenshots of the convo about that and address the other claims that got spread too, dw! I juuust need some time and patience while i work on it! ^^

its just gonna take a bit longer than writing a simple statment since i have to scower for the conversation which is half a year old at this point. plus the convo where my bf and it talked about it AGAIN back in march.

[bluescreenvirus]

Is the claim that the conversation about Kiwi never happened to begin with?

No, the screenshots are just being used without much needed context, which I will provide! Obviously I'm not saying that the convo never happened, there's blatant screenshots of Bill (Chaos' headmate) and Sugarydeceit talking about it LOL. I will be making a post addressing it and providing MUCH needed context soon.

[bluescreenvirus]

more to come later i have work in the morning and still have. so much to focus on 😭😭😭 i promise everything that needs to be addressed will be im just. sew busy.

[bluescreenvirus]

Hey, is Chaos safe right now?

i was able to get him to calm down, but we were both doing really bad due to mentions of our stalker becoming a part of it. he is sleeping now and i have work, but he's gonna be off tumblr for the foreseeable future, hopefully. being here just keeps retriggering him, and it is halting any growth from his trauma he potentially has. some kind of statement will be written when i'm not busy.

[bluescreenvirus]

also just adding a disclaimer that i may take some time to reply to dms / respond to anons, i'm currently grieving two loved ones and have a lot going on in my personal life. i promise i am not ignoring anyone, i just am a bit busy, though i do want to help.

[bluescreenvirus]

I’m sorry I forgot what pronouns Ridley used, I did not intend to encourage infighting, you are right though that was shitty of me

ok bro

[bluescreenvirus]

ruh roh raggy, jinkies, also the song I Can Fly Away - by Delicate Steve slaps so hard your welcome

!?1!1 random anon but yeah ur right. i listened to it and its pretty good for a song w/ no lyrics. would make good background music.

[bluescreenvirus]

i give my hopes to the two of you. hope you both stay safe out in this world we live in y'know?

love and peas anon... thank you very much!! im gonna do my best to help chaos heal from his trauma 🫡🫡

[bluescreenvirus]

Make sure Chaos knows hes loved, and he has support!

I'll do my best while everything is happening, thank you.

[bluescreenvirus]

tumblr dni doesnt work like discord dni and when someone has a discord dni i follow i block them

i'm not saying it does, but "dni" has a lot of different interpretations / meanings. also, i'm not sure if you got what i meant? discord status dni is like this:

it usually means to not dm or interact with that person during that time the dni is put in place. once it is removed, you are free to dm and interact again.

each social media has different ways people enforce / respond to DNIs, which can get confusing for people who have issues w/ social cues. he was using the phrase literally: "do not interact." then, simply applying that to the fandom since that was his main stressor. he didn't want people to block him, just to be essentially left alone for the time being.