#tg : tipsygnostalgic

[bundotexe]

I only just now realized that the homestuck kids share their abbreviated chumhandles with their “parents”/“kids”

[sugerkainart]

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GT: Help! TG: wut TG: lol TG: hi dirk TG: <3

[pascalishere]

This has probably been noticed by people smarter than me but.

All of the human kids in Homestuck have a similar naming convention for their Pesterchum handles, TT (tentacleTherapist and timaeusTestified), GG (gardenGnostic and gutsyGumshoe), TG (turntechGodhead and tipsyGnostalgic), and GT (ghostyTrickster and golgothasTerror). Except. John’s handle is ectoBiologist by the start of the story.

From the very beginning, John had already broken away from the rest of the cast, “free” to float along with the Breath as he pleases. He manages to break away from the Issues the other kids have going on. The others are caught in an endless cycle of hurting and misunderstanding the warped reflections they have of each other. But not John. He’s completely removed from those dynamics. And completely alone.

[unwelllydrawnroxy]

overridingProwler [OP] has started trolling tipsyGnostalgic [TG]!

-@badlydrawnprof

TG: whuh TG: new phone who dis TG: dunno if i seen u bef4 TG: name doesnt ring ny bells,,,

TG: huh TG: new phone, who this TG: dont know if ive seen you before TG: name doesnt ring any bells..

[badlydrawnmeulin]

[tipsyGnostalgic an UranianUmbra are cheering you!]

TG: hiiiiii :3c

TG: i herd u were hte one who got callie 2 talk 2 me

TG: me n callie wanna say thx

UU: thank yoU, meUlin. i never woUld have tried the flUshed qUadrant withoUt yoUr sUpport.

Callie and Roxy from @seldomdrawncherubs

[wild-fae-trickster]

In today's ultimate chumhandle poll, we have the last cherub on this list, the little Lord Caliborn, versus the Radical Rogue Roxy! So welcome to the ultimate chumhandle poll, on which you vote for the best chumhandle in homestuck!

Part 10: Caliborn vs Roxy

[seldomdrawncherubs]

Callie, have you ever roleplayed with your friends before? Roxy and Hal enjoy it a lot, I bet they'd love to roleplay with you

You could even help them make trollsonas

UU: so cUte!

[New Memo: autoResponder, tipsyGnostalgic, and UranianUmbra]

UU: we shoUld roleplay together UuU

AR: Sure

TG: Omfg yesss!!!

AR: Did you add me by mistake? Is this supposed to be a girlfriend thing?

UU: no! yoU are both dear to me.

AR: Oh...Thanks.

TG: damn callie

TG: r u poly?

TG: cause its ok if u r. me 2

UU: hUh?

AR: I'm flattered, but I don't see you and Roxy like that.

UU: oh...

UU: i jUst meant like playing pretend with trollsonas!

AR: Oh. Yeah, that sounds nice.

AR: Can I have psionics? I wanna throw Dirk around.

TG: lmao

TG: i think i wanna b jadeblood

TG: troll wrigglers r catlike

TG: id b such a good mom

UU: on it UuU

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

the elephant in the room

@robojoshi

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [01:00] [01:00] TG: soooooo [01:00] TG: are we ever gonna talk about the elepahnt in the room [01:01] TG: *elephant [01:10] TT: I'm sorry. I don't know what you mean, Roxy. [01:10] TG: of my god [01:11] TG: stop avoiding me dirk

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Underage Sex

Categories: F/M

Fandoms: Homestuck

Relationships: Roxy Lalonde/Dirk Strider

Characters: Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider

Additional Tags: Awkward Flirting, Communication, Lack of Communication, Horny Teenagers, Underage Drinking, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Morning After, Miscommunication, Unrequited Love, Possibly Unrequited Love, Minor Jake English/Dirk Strider

[kolbietheaggrievedwriter]

Sneak Peeks 10/?

Fic: jumpstart my heart and wake the sleeper inside

Chapter: 6

--

> Roxy: Gaslight. Gatekeep. Girlboss.

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --

TG: wat is UP my good binch!!

TG: im SO glad to see u havent been tragically erased form existence

TG: spared yet again by the inattentive moderator of who fuckin knows what universe were on now

TG: score seventy giglazilion for the homo team

TG: *i said what i said

TT: I'm like a shitty live action adaptation of beloved classic animated media.

TT: No matter how many times I bomb at the box office, I'll come back stronger and somehow worse than before.

TT: Also, ditto on the whole happy you've avoided another instance of annihilation sentiment.

[pesterloglog]

Jake English, Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde, )(er Imperious Condescension

Act 6, page 5730-5733

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering )(er Imperious Condescension

TG: batterwitch pls help

TG: my friends are completely insane

TG: can you throw me back in jail :(

)(IC: gurl u made your cocoon

)(IC: DWI

)(er Imperious Condescension logged the fuck out.

[tumbling-gnostalgic]

📱

— tipsyGnostalgic {TG} began bothering gustyGumshoe {GG} at 12:04 AM

TG: jane

TG: jaaaanneyy

TG: /taeks deepest breath evr

TG: JAAAAAwho the fuck am i kiddin

TG: theres literaly zero chance you see this

TG: like the probibility of you seeing this is so tiny its smaller than the smallest thing to evr small

TG: probabilty*

TG: man

TG: this sucks so fuckin much

TG: i just

TG: i hope ur okay :(

TG: i dunno wat 2 do or say

TG: i just miss my bffsy

TG: id say i wanna see you again soon but

TG: not like this

TG: well be home soon though

TG: we as in dirk and i

TG: so

TG: everythins gonna b fine

TG: goodybe janey :)

TG: godbye*

TG: bye*

— tipsyGnostalgic {TG} ceased bothering gustyGumshoe {GG} at 12:29 AM

[machinati0ns]

--tipsyGnostalgic started pestering timaeusTestified!-- : TG: ok so we can make this work 4 the most part TG: but it dose need a couple minor changes TT: Well, don't leave me hangin'. TG: HANG on ill send it 2 u TG: changes.png TG: chnages.txt TG: also ill obvs send back the prototype TG: u mite need tht idk TT: Yeah, I might. TT: Thanks. TG: np TT: ... TG: ... TT: ... TG: ... TT: ... TG: so r u gonna tell me whats on ur mind or r we just gonna keep saying dots @ each other 4ever TT: ... TG: dots it is then! TG: ... TT: No, sorry, I'm just thinking. TG: yea lol when r u not TT: If it actually does go this quickly, we'll be a couple years ahead of schedule, won't we? TG: yep TG: all the better 2 get the drop on the batterwithc with TT: True that. TT: Time enough for us to get to know them too, hopefully. TG: ... TT: ... TG: i cant wait TT: I know. Me neither. TG: i miss her so much TG: even tho ive never met her TT: I know. TT: I feel the same way, believe me. TG: o trust me i do TT: ... TG: ... TT: ... TG: ... TT: So anyway. TG: GOD TT: Not to totally change the subject from our stunted and awkward emotional trauma bonding, but regardless of how long it takes, we should prepare sooner rather than later. TG: yeah way 2 ruin the moment striDICK TT: Yeah, yeah. Sorry. TT: But like I was saying. TG: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGNH TG: i no i no TG: beliebe u me i have been thinkin bout this for YEARS TT: Beliebe? TG: R U NOT A BELIEBER DIRK???? TT: Is anyone these days? TG: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHNT x2 TT: Sorry I asked. TG: u better b! TG: but n e ways yeah ive been thinkin TG: about what to bring n what 2 leave behind TG: like food for xample. do u think well need 2 bring any TT: Presumably they will have some, given it's the 21st century and not the post-apocalypse. TT: But we should err on the side of caution. So maybe a small ration or something. TT: As well as anything we'll want to keep that wasn't already left for us. TG: not a lot o tht shit lmaooo TT: Yeah. TG: wat abt ur bot bros tho?? TT: ... TG: ... TT: I might be able to bring Squarewave; he's small enough. TT: Sawtooth, though... TG: o nooooo TT: I know. TT: I don't want to leave him behind, but he's so big. TG: could u make him smaller tho? r like a temp chassis till u can build him another 1? TT: Would I even have time to do that? TG: bro we got so much time TG: licterally all the time in the world TT: I'll see if I can. TT: I'd hate to have to leave any of them. TT: Will the carapaces be alright without you? TG: i gotta hope so @ least TG: theyre resilient lil guy i beliebe in them TT: I do, too.

[thegodshavehorns]

Into Thin Air (2/4)

Chapter 2. Without Choice

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and in no way are you cut out to be a mother. The very notion is ridiculous. It's laughable. Ha ha. No.

You're a mess! In the past year, your life has gone quite rapidly down the shitter. You can barely hold it together at work, and now this?

You look down miserably at the little baby in your arms. Your daughter, legally and, according to the lab, genetically as well. She coos.

You tried to give the baby to someone else. You're pretty sure that 'finders keepers' doesn't apply to magic god-babies that fall out of the sky, nor to the state's foster care system.

But no. Apparently, the gods have ordained that you raise this helpless infant. Even now, the social services worker, who has broken into a cold sweat, is explaining about how some convoluted law, signed decades ago, makes it so that if a child is of possibly-divine or otherworldly origin, they fall under jurisdiction of certain NGOs, which of course answer to their boards of officers, which in turn are mostly staffed by ranked Angels and higher-ups at SkaiaCorp. And they placed her with you.

You leave in a huff. This is so unfair. Not just to you, but to this nominally-innocent baby girl, pink-eyed and guileless, with chubby pink baby cheeks and blonde baby curls... this... sky-spawned... cute little... snot-nosed... wiggler... kid!

While you make your way miserably back to your car, bouncing the baby and thinking about the cost of infant formula, your cellphone beeps.

-----twinArmageddons (TA) has begun trolling tipsyGnostalgic (TG)-----

TG: whadsyu want

TA: ii 2ee you tried two get riid of her again.

TA: iits startiing two get annoyiing.

TG: i cant believe taht u thk i can raisd s baby

TG: i casn bsrely raise mySLEF

TA: are you drunk agaiin?

TG: no im txtng wit lelft hsnd

TG: baby in oyther

TA: that2 2weet. what are you goiing to name her?

TG: u cant do thisd to meeee ill get a lawyr.

TA: miine2 better.

You're too distraught to text back for several minutes. Then...

TA: iill giive you a promotiion.

TG: wat

TA: keep the kiid, and iill giive you a promotiion.

TG: fuk u. that is not fair!

TA: what priice would be faiir two you?

TG: i cant be boght

TA: yes you can. what priice?

TG: its not fair to the kid. im not fair for her.

TA: then 2top the driinkiing. 2iimple 2olutiion, lalonde.

TA: at lea2t untiil you can put her iinto boardiing kiindergarten.

TG: stop drinking

TG: you say that like its simple

TA: well, your 2pelling has iimproved in the la2t few text2, 2o 2omethiing mu2t be 2iinkiing iin.

TG: i put her down, asshole. i'm in the car.

TG: anyway boarding school is expensive.

TA: 2o, youre 2ayiing that

TA: you need a raii2e?

TG: fuck u.

-----tipsyGnostalgic has blocked twinArmageddons!-----

That'll hold him a few seconds. You look over at the baby, who has fallen asleep. Give up drinking? You feel a cold wash of relief, followed immediately by a weird dread. You'll lose something, if you stop drinking. You know you will. But you don't know what.

Your cellphone beeps again.

-----twinArmageddons has sent an attachment: The Baby Name Wizard: A Magical Method for Finding the Perfect Name for Your Baby-----

Dammit. You're going to need to buy a lot of diapers.

--

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and your new home is real swank. Huge, spare, and stylish in all the right ways. There's plenty of cupboards to hold booze, which is both delightful and most unhelpful, a gigantic foyer, just in case you get any visitors from work, and a secret lab in the basement, for personal projects.

You feel precisely zero regret for buying it on the company dollar. After all, in sixteen years, it won't matter in the least.

Speaking of, the baby is crying.

You take a sip of wine. No, not "the baby." Rose. Rose is crying. Right.

You go to Rose's room - lavishly cushioned and pink - and make reassuring sounds at the baby. "Don't cry, don't cry," you coo to her. You set your wine glass down on the windowsill and pick her up. "Nothing to cry about, it's all just our collective fates, yes Rosie, there there."

The wailing tot calms, eventually, and falls asleep in your arms. She's damn cute. You imagine her growing up. Learning to talk, and read, and write, and do differential calculus. Maybe. Your stomach ties into a knot. You'll have to teach her how to code before she hits puberty, or she won't be any good at it by the time the world ends and she turns into a god.

Maybe.

You look at your sleeping daughter. Neither of you asked for this, but there it is.

You can't do this. You have to do this.

You take a deep breath and gently lay Rose down in her crib. One day after the next. Just keep walking forward. Sixteen years of living death, and then it'll be over.

You pick your wine glass up again, and drink deep. You need to get your mind off of this.

Assured that Rose is sleeping well for now, you go back to your own room, and open your note drawer. Quite a few notes have built up by now, all encoded, all nonsensical, all in your own handwriting.

brokn arrows?? use tittytantium shaft lol

wont talk abt the hhoarn broken 1 Y????

lol doesnt no liek swears

fiddlestix u 2 mistr

saggy = saddy roflmao

cant tap dat robutt lol

said robot dont havf anusiz im gonna puke

4. there r 4. <== most usseful thin hes sayd

lol imma need sum new tolwls

Yeah, you don't know what to do with these. They feel important, but you don't have a fucking clue what they are supposed to mean. They're an enigma wrapped in a mystery, but at least they'll engage your tipsy brain until you black out.

That's the best you can ask for, these days.

[askspritekatrox]

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:31PM --

TG: popeyes biscuits

TG: popeyes fries

TG: today is the night spritekat dies

// ooc: @askspritekatdave

[wild-fae-trickster]

Sorry I keep waking up late y'all! It's summer, so you know the deal. Anyway, today's chumhandle poll it's a catty rouge vs... Another catty rouge? That's right it's time for the ultimate chumhandle poll, in which you vote for the best chumhandle in homestuck!

Part B4: Roxy vs Nepeta

[seldomdrawncherubs]

[UranianUmbra began cheering tipsyGnostalgic]

UU: hello roxy...

TG: callie!!! whats up

UU: Umm...i have a small qUestion

TG: yea

TG: do u want me 2 use my hackr skills on ur dumb brother

TG: hes been bothering janey

UU: oh...that is not good! yoU shoUld help yoUr friend.

TG: bet

TG: what did he do to u

UU: he is not the issUe here. yoU see, i have been speaking with meUlin aboUt qUadrants...

TG: oh?

TG: r u interested in one of us?

TG: janey is a real cutie

TG: jake is also cool. i dunno if he lieks any of us but every1 lieks him

TG: Dirk doesn't like girlz so if u leik him we cn get sum ice cream

UU: it woUld be nice to get ice cream...

TG: damn

TG: u really fell for him jsut like i did huh

UU: roxy...i, er...

TG: yea?

UU: never mind.. U n U

TG: itz ok callie

TG: ill send u ice cream with the sendificator thingy nd we can watch romcoms

TG: or action movies

TG: u will get ovr him and move on callie.

TG: id say u can do better but dstri is my frneid so

UU: sUre, roxy. thank yoU...

[tipsyGnostalgic ceased pestering UranianUmbra]