#the fucking thing has had issues for a while but finally decided to refuse to turn off

[jedi-bird]

Today's plan to try and do some yard work to repair the extreme heat from the weekend is on hold because now I have to try to fix my stupid cpap machine and if I can't I need to rapidly find a replacement. Yay me.

[sluturu]

GAG ON IT .ᐟ — N. KENTO ୨‧₊˚✩

about. the only thing you want more than anything in the world is to get your boyfriend off but… you don't know how. luckily, nanami kento is a great teacher.

pairing. nanami kento x f!reader (non-sorcerer au)

wc. 2.6k

cw. dom!nanami, sub!virgin reader, (messy) oral (m. receiving), humiliation kink (if you squint), reader has a heavy praise kink, f!masturbation, pet names, face f!cking + deepthroating, head-pusher nanamin <3, slight angst (again, if you squint), reader is kinda insecure about lack of experience, lots of praise and validation ♡

kit’s note. hi, i'm (sorta) new here so pls forgive my writing and any mistakes... i haven't written in, like, 84 years and this really wasn’t supposed to be as long as it is. nonetheless, i hope u enjoy my very first jjk fic — kit ୨ৎ

nanami kento was one sexually experienced man. 

you knew this. from the very first glance, it was undeniable. something in the way he carried himself, the gravity of his presence, told you—no, assured you—that he would unravel you, reshape you, and leave his mark in ways you couldn’t yet comprehend.

and, of course, you were correct.

you, however, were his perfect contradiction, a stark contrast that bled into everything you had built together, evident in every moment, every choice, every collision of your worlds.

nanami was your first boyfriend, and while school had offered its version of ‘sex education’ and the internet had no shortage of explicit material, none of it had ever translated into real experience—well, until him.

you’ve been turned on before, no doubt about it. you’ve given yourself a few weak orgasms with an amazon vibrator, sure. but the carnal desire you got when nanami was around was a feeling you’d never experienced before. how could a man be so hot and sweet and turn you on without even trying? he was perfect. beyond perfect. 

and he was respectful. always so respectful. he wanted your first time to be everything you’ve ever dreamed of because he knows that’s what everyone deserves– it’s what you, above all, deserve. that’s why he decided to take it slow regardless of his personal desires. 

it started with soft pecks. the teeny tiny ones that had you aching for more. those slowly led to real kisses, his tongue seeking solace in your mouth, roaming and exploring the new territory. then came the make out sessions, him leaving love bites on your neck while you rocked yourself against him subconsciously. which finally verged on him eating you out with his thick, long fingers fucking in and out of your cunt. 

he was amazing– so mind-boggling that you couldn’t make sense of it. while you knew that he knew what he was doing, it had you appalled. he could make you cum one, two, three times in one sitting and you’ve never even heard of anything like this in your friends’ sex lives. 

there was one miniscule problem with nanami, though. when you would ask if he needed help with the big… issue in his pants, he’d brush you off with a “don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” like the gentleman he is.

the more and more he refused your helping hand, the worse you felt. why should you be the only one that gets to feel good? especially when it’s at the hand of someone as compassionate and caring as nanami. 

the insecurities had been festering within you for a while now. all you wanted was for him to feel good. you wanted him to have the same toe-curling experiences that he gives you. you wanted him to cum for you, because of you.

you’d hoped that one day, he might ask you for help to get him off, yet that day never came. 

it’s why you decided to take matters into your own hands, asking him to come over to your apartment and dropping to your knees the second he entered your home. you gave him the biggest doe eyes and pout you could muster. 

he was stunned, mouth ajar and eyes widened. you’re not usually so bold with him, which was fine. admittedly, he always thought your aversion to talking about sexual things was kinda cute. 

still awestruck after a minute, he breathily asks, “sweetheart, wh-what are you…” 

“well, ken, i’ve been thinking about you and me a lot lately and i realized… you’re always so giving… ‘n you’re always taking such good care of me.” you shyly trail off him as your hands itched to touch him… to take his cock into your hands– into your mouth. “i wanna take care of you now, if you’d let me?”

“you don’t have to do that, my love. i do those things because i want to, not because i have to. you should know that.” he says, airly. a voice that you’ve only ever heard a handful of times. one that makes your cunt pulse. 

“i know. i jus’ want you to use my mouth, ken. you’re… you’re always making me feel good,” you beg with your eyes. “wanna make you feel good, too.”

“oh, baby,” he smiles softly at you, hand cupping your cheek while his finger brushes over the pout on your lips. “but you always make me feel good.” 

you slightly open your mouth allowing his thumb to enter. your lips wrap around his finger, eyes fluttering close and a broken, needy moan sounding in your throat. you suck the way you’d actually suck him off, hand coming to wrap around his wrist while your tongue swirls around him.

nanami holds back his moan at the sight of you crazed and depraved. he’s seen you needy before but never to this degree. never so eager to please.

“fuck,” he muttered to himself, slipping his thumb out of your mouth and smearing your saliva over your lips. he pulls your bottom lip down, “you want it that bad, princess?”

 you nodded, “please— so bad, kento.” 

and he could never say no to you. especially not when you’re giving him teary eyes and that voice. 

so he nods, unbuttoning his pants and pulling the zipper down. the sound alone excites you, yet you can’t help but feel the apprehension of being face to face with his cock. 

nothing could’ve prepared you for the sight before you. while you’d felt him through his pants during your messy makeout sessions, his intimidating size exceeded your expectations by a mile. you accepted the challenge, nonetheless. 

and now, here you were struggling to take his cock down your throat. and while he’d been praising you like crazy, you knew good and well he wasn’t getting off anytime soon. it’s when he suggested eating you out instead, you knew that your attempts were futile.

“you wanna try again, baby?” nanami coos softly as he strokes the top of your head. “we can stop if you wanna… i can eat that pretty pussy instead, i don’t mind at all.” the suggestion makes your heat throb but you shake your head incessantly. you can do this.

you look up at him through your wet lashes and he twitches in your dainty hand. “i wanna make you cum for once.” the words tumble out of your swollen lips in a mutter. 

he frowns, hands coming back to your cheeks, only this time, the pads of his thumbs meet the wet, heated skin, brushing away the remainder of your tears.

you might be too good for him. you don’t even know how many times the thought of you alone has gotten nanami off. you don’t know how many cold showers he’s had to take, how much self-control it takes to be around you.

he sighs, squishing your face and forces you to look up at him. “alright, sweetheart, open wide for me, yeah? i’ll guide you.” his hands force you to nod. your heart skips a beat and the kaleidoscope of butterflies swarm wildly in your stomach. 

you oblige almost immediately, parting your lips, ready to (try and) take him again. 

“‘kay, we’re gonna go slow. remember to breathe through your nose– and no teeth.” he instructs and you’re nodding, wrapping your pretty lips around his gorgeous length. “i’ll let you lead, you can move your head down a little more when you’re ready, yeah?”

nanami sharply exhales when he feels the warmth of your mouth. heat spreads through his toned body like a wildfire– you drive him crazy. 

even more crazy when you suddenly remember what you’ve seen in the pornos your friends forced you to watch. you look up at him through your lashes, letting your tongue swipe against the slit of his cock. “fuck, that’s it, sweet girl. use that tongue.”

you don’t know why, but the whispered curse that slips from his plump lips– lips that are raw from the way he can’t stop gnawing at them– has you arching into him. your cunt is begging for friction, so much so that it has you weeping. your eyes and your pussy. 

his praise spurs you on and you push your head down some more. it makes you gag, yes, but you remember what he said, breathing heavily through your nose. you’re already crying and looking back up to see his face contorted in pleasure has you taking him deeper and deeper. you need more of these reactions– you don’t think you’ve ever wanted anything more, but that could be the need to please clouding your judgment. 

nanami can’t resist the urge to fuck your cute little face when you look at him like that. the tears… the big, wide eyes trying to keep contact with his eyes… the way you look like a complete, utter mess all for him. 

he moves his hands to dig into your hair before pushing you some more. the tip of his cock gets lodged in your tight throat and he loses it when he feels you attempting to swallow around him.

he throws his head back and lets out an echoing moan. “you’re suuuch a good girl. take my cock so well, pretty. ‘m so p-proud of you.” he praises. “so good f’me, aren’t you?” 

you choke, letting the tears fall without an ounce of shame, but you nod with your mouth full of cock. you could care less about the way he’s actively bruising your throat, you’re making him feel good… and that makes you feel good. so good that you’re subtly fucking the air in hopes your boyfriend doesn’t notice.

“yeaaah, you are…” he hums, looking back down at you, taking him like the good girl you are. of course he notices you, he has a keen eye for these things. “aw, look at you. so needy… ‘s sucking me off getting you hot ‘n bothered?”

you whine in agreement, vibrating him to his core. you choke at the words, spluttering all over his cock creating bubbles of saliva at the base. his hands tug on your hair, pulling you off and it leaves you heaving, soft sobs ripping from your throat. 

“tell me, sweetheart. i wanna make sure my girl is always satisfied.” he demands in a somewhat authoritative tone.

“k-ken, don’t care ‘bout that– i-i wan’ you to cum,” you practically beg to have him back in your mouth, but his hands in your hair hold you still. 

he shakes his head, “uh-uh, none of that. go ahead and play with yourself for me, just like i taught you. you remember that, don’t you, my love?” 

he makes your head nod again, his cock throbbing at the sight of your drool covering the entirety of your chin. 

you let out a shaky breath as your hand moves from his muscular thigh to the waistband of your shorts. as you slip inside, your fingers find your desperate clit, rubbing it in circles the way he taught you. “k-ken, pl-please,” you moan.

he shudders, stomach flipping and cock twitching eagerly like he’s some teenager who’s never been touched. “please what, pretty girl?” he asks, his attempts to mask his neediness were vain and it was starting to show. 

“please, fuck my face, kento. ple–” your words are muffled by nanami shoving his cock back into your mouth. 

he lets his composure fly out the window, the guttural groan he’s been keeping down comes out loud– loud enough to make your eyes widen. “g-god, sweetheart– you’re… you’re gonna drive me–” he pushes your head down, squeezing his eyes shut as you swallow around him again. “insane. fuck, you’re so good, so good for me– fuck, baby, you’re making me feel so good.” 

nanami knows he’ll probably regret rambling like this later, but, unbeknownst to him, it has you rubbing your clit like your life depends on it. messy circles over the unduly sensitive bud while he thrusts into your mouth with just as much vigor. 

you gag and gag and the only thing it does is make nanami whine. he will definitely hate himself later for losing his self control, but right now? he’s madly in love with you and he’s showing it by giving you exactly what you want. pounding his cock into your mouth, using your face just like you asked. 

your eyes roll and brows furrow in ecstasy, the now-familiar knot in your tummy forms with zeal. 

“sweetheart– ugh, forgive me.” he moans, voice cracking handsomely. “fuck, baby. ‘m gonna cum– y-you’re making it so hard to hold back.” 

why would you want him to? that’s the exact opposite of what you want. you try to relay that by snaking your free hand to the back of his thigh and pulling him towards you. 

he hears your actions loud and clear and, before you know it, you feel the ribbons of seed painting your throat as his cock twitches uncontrollably. 

the groans that leave his mouth are sinful. you’ve never heard him sound like this in the entirety of your time together— so unhinged and feral. you find that what’s coming out of his mouth might be your favorite sound ever and it’s definitely become your favorite side of him. the side of nanami where he’s the complete opposite of his otherworldly, chivalrous self. the gentleman you’ve grown to know and love is a hungry, filthy, masked freak and you fear that you’ve just released a beast upon you. not that you mind in the slightest. the thought only excites you further.

“god, you’re such a good fucking girl,” he says through gritted teeth. “so pretty and perfect, all for me. my good girl.” 

your fingers work faster at the praise and your muffled whimpers grow louder. all the while, your mouth overflows with his heavy load and you feel it beginning to leak from the corners of your lips. 

once nanami notices, he pulls himself out of your mouth and you cough, choking over the exorbitant amounts of cum in attempts to swallow all of it. 

“k-ken,” you heave, your voice hoarse. your fingers are still rubbing at your clit, uncoordinated, yet it’s getting the job done. “did i do okay?” 

nanami’s still coming down from his mind blowing orgasm, chest huffing and puffing, but when he hears you seeking validation, he’s on his knees before you in an instant. 

his hand slips in your panties and finds yours, your nimble fingers toying with your bud. 

“so well. now c’mere,” he mutters. his fingers guide yours— he’s simply moving yours for you— and his other hand comes to cup your cheek. hungry for a taste, he slams his lips against yours, tongue invading your mouth despite the fact that he just came in it. 

his fingers move yours faster and faster and you don’t even realize he’s pushing yours aside to take over. 

you’re so weak when it comes to him. with him tonguing your mouth and his fingers working you, it’s no wonder you're coming undone in less than a minute.

you moan a mantra of his name into his, your body going taut as the knot in your tummy unravels. 

he lets you ride it out, playing with your cunt till your shaky hands wrap around his wrist and you pull his hand away. 

he moves his lips to your cheek, trailing wet pecks all the way to your ear. he whispers in your ear, tugging on the lobe with his teeth.

“i might be addicted to your pretty little mouth, sweetheart.”

© all works belong to SLUTURU 2025. do not copy or repost.

[skyahri]

How They Found Out P2 |Naruto Men X Reader| HC

Part One Masterlist Ko-fi

Characters: Sasuke Uchiha, Shikamaru Nara, Kakashi Hatake

Summary: The aftermath of your relationship becoming public. Part two to How They Found Out

Warnings: Mentions of sex, marriage, kids. Pretty low key tbh.

- - - - -

Sasuke Uchiha

What an absolute nightmare.

Once you heard the front door shut, Sasuke basically collapsed on top of you.

He groaned. His night had been ruined, and on top of it, Naruto was sure to cause drama for the coming days.

"It's okay, Sasuke. They were sure to find out anyway."

"Our relationship going public and Naruto catching us having sex are two very different issues, and it's a bit concerning that you think I'm worried about the latter."

You kick him off of you with a laugh and suggest a shower. There was no way your escapades could continue on after all the fuss.

The next morning, you basically had to drag Sasuke out of the house.

He'd been moaning and groaning and grumbling since last night, so much so that he started to sound like Shikamaru.

Who knew Sasuke could complain so much.

Once you were out the door and the second your friend's eyes caught you, they pounced.

All at once, they hounded you about what Naruto may or may not have seen (Naruto has a habit of being a bad storyteller, so who knows what actually went down)

Sasuke refused to answer any questions until the chaos had settled down. They did eventually, albeit reluctantly.

"It's true."

That just sent them all reeling again, begging for details.

You two already discussed what you'd keep secret and what you'd share, so the meeting went pretty smoothly once everyone agreed to keep their composure.

Until fucking Sakura started asking questions about your sex life.

After that, you zipped your mouth and refused to answer anything further.

They'd just have to live on not knowing anything.

Shikamaru Nara

After news got out, Ino decided it was her place to convince Shikamaru to, in her words, "be a man and ask her out already!"

He ignored her, convinced she was full of it and brushed her off.

But her words lingered in his head.

Your friends were all beginning to settle down; Naruto and Hinata had just gotten married. Talk of kids had started to circulate in the group.

Were you wanting marriage and children?

The slow buzzing quickly turned into an almost constant fog in his mind. He'd never been so distracted before.

What a drag.

Within the week, he was knocking on your door.

"I need to ask you about something."

Weird. You could read him pretty well at this point, but this energy he was putting off was new.

"What's up, Shika?"

"Do you want to get married?"

Your eyes widened and jaw dropped. When you tried to answer, you found yourself at a loss of words.

"I mean, damnit, I- do you want to get married eventually? Or have kids at some point?"

You stared at him like he had two heads.

"Are you feeling alright? Why don't you come inside?"

He didn't fight you. He walked in and sat at your table in silence while you made him some tea.

You'd pried it out of him that Ino was behind this sudden change, and assured him that things would be okay.

"Look, I never brought it up because I know you're not a feelings guy, buy yeah, I guess I would like to have a family. I thought that's what you wanted, too?"

He got that irritated look on his face. The one he always gets when people ask him to work.

"It is, but,"

"But don't worry about it. I work on your time, so whenever you're ready."

You gave him a kiss on the cheek.

He let out a sigh of relief, glad to have fallen into such a situation with someone who understands him so well.

"Not too long, though. It's been almost two years, Shika."

On second thought, this was a total drag.

Kakashi Hatake

The next morning, you two made sure to bump into his students.

They seemed rather pleased with themselves, that they had been the ones to finally catch Kakashi lacking.

It only took a single look for Sasuke to realize it was all fake. They'd been bested by their sensei once again.

That quick glance he got from Kakashi told him not to say anything to the others, which he hadn't planned on anyway.

"Kakashi sensei, why didn't you ever tell us you were seeing someone?"

He set a hand on Sakuras head and ruffled her hair.

"I try not to share my personal matters with children. That's what friends are for."

Enter Gai, who happened to hear.

"You didn't tell us either, Kakashi."

He just shrugged, sending Gai into a fit.

News traveled fast in the village. What else is to be expected when romance rumors come up about the Hokage?

Kakashi was actually very calm about the whole thing.

Despite dreading this day for a long time, he was actually very content with the outcome.

There had been so much going on when you initially got together. Wars and death and PTSD and all that.

But now was a time of peace. A perfect time to actually start living, and this was just the beginning.

[captain-huggy-bear]

Big requests/full fic/big idea requests are closed at the moment but drabble and prompt requests are still open. Writing Masterlist

It starts the minute you suggest calling a plumber to fix the broken toilet...actually it starts way before then. It starts with your friends joking that Clayton couldn't work in construction or do any DIY after seeing a picture of him at the new practice facility build site with his hard hat on backwards...It was harmless fun, really, not meant to upset him, but he'd somehow taken it to heart. Somehow decided that his masculinity, his pride hinged on his ability to fix a toilet when he was most certainly not trained to fix a toilet. He was also stubborn as a mule.

"Clay..." You're trying to reason with him as he crouches on sopping wet towels placed around the toilet to try and clean up the water that had leaked before he'd finally figured out how to disconnect the water...that had taken a while...in fact you'd had to show him where the water stopcock was...he hadn't liked that. He felt he should know.

"I can fix a goddamn leak." He has a wrench in hand, you're not even sure a wrench is needed for the job, and he's sweating. He's been trying to figure out the problem for an hour, refusing to budge and refusing to allow you to just phone a plumber.

"Clay..."

"I'm your husband. I can fix it." He's gritting his teeth, voice low, a rumble of discontent, tight. Everything is tense because he should be able to do this. He should be able to take care of a fucking leak for you without needing another man (or woman) to come in to fix it. Husbands fixed things like that. That was their entire job, right?

"Y'know it's okay not to be good at something, right? Just call a plumber." You're starting to get angry at him...angry because he's being ridiculous. He's being stubborn and normally Clay is so level-headed and reasonable.

"No."

There's a weight to the no and it takes you a few calming breaths to just think. To take in how he's acting, how he's holding himself and to think why. Clay isn't irrational, he's not normally prideful, in fact he's usually the most humbly confident man you know...but he's never liked being bad at something or not being able to do something...He's not saying no because he doesn't want to pay someone. He's saying no because he feels like he should be able to do this.

So you try a different tactic...soft, sweet, the doting wife as you force yourself to walk through the water across the floor and slide a hand in the hair at the back of his neck. Your fingers card through his hair as you speak like you're trying to soothe a wild animal.

"Clay....you're not any less of a man or less impressive if you can't fix a broken toilet." He doesn't answer you, the first time he's not had something to say about the situation in the past hour. Instead Clay's eyes drop to the floor, lips pursed, nostrils flaring out.

"Honey..." You sigh out, hand falling from his hair to his shoulder, smoothing over his shirt, trying to be reassuring, comforting because this is bigger than just the toilet and you can see that now. This whole thing has struck a nerve.

"I...you shouldn't need to rely on anyone else. I should be able to fix it. I'm your husband."

"Baby..." This time you crouch next to him, trying not to think of the toilet water across the floor or the fact you're both still leaning over a toilet bowl. You reach around to cup his cheek, forcing him to look at you, "It's okay to bring in outside help. It doesn't make you a bad husband...besides, I'll still be relying on you.."

The look Clay gives you is sceptical, like there's no possible way you'd need him if you phoned a plumber to fix the issue. So you take it on yourself to explain and maybe exaggerate it for his benefit.

"Honey, I hate phone calls. I hate talking to strangers. I hate the idea of dealing with a plumber...if you don't phone one, I won't. I need you to phone them and answer the door and do all of that small talk stuff because I will die if I have to be perceived by a stranger."

He blinks at you, frown smoothing out as if you've slapped him across the face, trying to simply process what you've just thrown at him.

"Are you serious?"

"I'm deadly serious...if you phone a plumber you'll be my hero."

"Gimme my phone." You hide a smile as you hand it over, knowing you've managed it, played the game just right...and sure you do actually hate phone calls and the idea of talking to a strange plumber about an issue you know nothing about actually is horrible...but maybe you exaggerated a bit, maybe you laid it on a bit thick so he'd feel extra needed, extra wanted...

Maybe he can't fix a toilet. Maybe he can't build you a cabinet or a fence. But, Clayton Keller wants to and that matters more than anything else.

[stuckinmymind22]

On The Run (part two)

part one

🚨🚨🚨MARINEFORD SPOILERS🚨🚨🚨

shanks x afab! reader (she/her)

tags: lovers (intimate) to lovers (romantic)

tw: ptsd, past kidnapping, past drugging, panic attacks, celestial dragons and sabaody, death (including violent), gore, nightmares (the fucked up kind), survior’s guilt, overall trauma

wc: 8.1k

a/n: soooo..... this was less than a third of what i had planned for this part BUT i realized i could make the parts smaller, plus this way theres not as much emotional whiplash. this one's gonna be hard but the next one is cute i promise!!!! okay love you enjoy <3 💕💕💕

summary: trauma has a funny way of coming back to haunt you,

Big reader lore drop lol 

Shanks wasn’t able to get any sleep that night. Far too much was on the man’s mind. Now, more than ever, the state of the future was full of uncertainty. Around two weeks had passed since the events at Marineford, and the consequences of Whitebeard’s death were finally being felt around the globe. The balance of power in the New World and the sea in its entirety had been disrupted deeply. Teach was finally becoming the problem Shanks had feared he would be, if he hadn’t already. Luffy’s condition was uncertain, while the yonko was certain the kid would pull through. The extent of the damage he’d taken (both physically and mentally) remained unclear. 

Also, it upset him how mad you had gotten with him — something he was fully aware should not be on the same level as the other issues, but it weighed on his mind nonetheless. Why it had bothered him so much he couldn't quite say.

At the smallest sign of daybreak, Shanks decided sleep was a lost cause. It marked the third night in a row with little to no sleep, and while the other two nights had been fun, this one had only been restless. Without a plan of what to do so early in the day, the captain aimlessly walked his ship.

While mindlessly wandering, the man nearly tripped over a pair of legs. He turned around, expecting to find one of his men passed out on deck, but instead he found you.

Shanks let out a sigh. He had come to realize how stubborn you could be over the past twenty-four hours. Propped up against an exterior wall, you were out cold. Speaking of cold, you were visibly freezing. Overnight, the ship had entered a new climate zone, and the temperature had dropped significantly. Without much thought, Shanks took off his cloak and draped it over your sleeping form. Immediately, your shivering stopped, and you snuggled into the warmth of the fabric.

The emperor didn’t know what to do with you. He debated waking you up — you really shouldn’t stay out in the elements like this, especially when you were so injured. Ultimately, he decided against it. He wasn’t sure if you would want to see him first thing in the morning after being so angry with him the night before, but you still shouldn’t be out on deck. Shanks knew from plenty of experience how unforgiving the wooden slats of the floor could be. 

If he wasn’t planning on waking you, he should at least move you. After your refusal to go to the medical bay the night before, he knew he ran the risk of you being upset with him, or more upset with him, but it was a risk he would take considering the alternative.

Gently, careful not to wake you, he looped your arms around his neck before sneaking his arm under you. In your sleep, you instinctively clung onto him as you left the ground. He left you at the infirmary, instructing one of Hongo’s assistants to let you be so you could sleep while also keeping a close eye on you, seemingly unaware of how those orders contradicted each other.

After dropping you off, Shanks returned to his pointless stroll. Nearing the sole office on the Red Force, which was his in name but not in practice, he noticed the light escaping under the door. The captain remembered, to his delight, that Beckman was certainly awake. It had been his turn for night duty — as a precaution, at least one senior officer (or the captain himself) would be awake at all times in case a problem arose.

As predicted, his first mate was in the office. The man had been reviewing a stack of documents with his reading glasses so low on his nose that they were one rough wave from falling off. Per usual, Beck was sat at the tiny desk on the edge of the room, which was littered with papers. Shanks never understood why he did that. His refusal to use what was technically the captain’s desk, which, by all accounts, was the better option, with more surface area and a chair that was far more comfortable.

Beckman didn’t seem at all surprised to see Shanks at such an unusually early hour. It was almost as if he had expected it, and he truly might've — the man's ability to know things could be frightening at times.

“Whatcha got there?” Shanks asked while entering the room with the intent to pester the poor man. Beck ruffled through the several piles of papers as he responded. “Got some of what you’re looking for,” his voice was gruff from the hours of disuse. Unfortunately for Shanks, talking to Benn Beckman always ran the risk of turning into business. Nevertheless, Shanks shifted into captain mode as if a switch had been flipped. The emperor sat down at the larger desk and nodded for the man to continue.

“I asked ‘round a bit and overnight got some responses back. ’S not too much more than what we already knew, but there’s a couple things you might find interesting.” Beck continued to sift through the documents as he talked. For all the things Benn Beckman was good at, personal organization was not one of them. It hadn’t helped the man that he’d been searching for multiple pages.

Finally, the gray-haired man collected everything he’d been looking for. He approached the desk Shanks was at, setting a page down in front of the man. It was a copy of your missing poster. Something that had been issued well over a decade ago. Shanks had no idea how Beckman had gotten his hands on it so fast while they were out on the open ocean, but he had long stopped asking questions. The man could just work wonders; his methods hadn’t really mattered.

“She was a princess, went missing, then managed to piss off the World Government,” he laid down a second poster next to the first. They were nearly identical, but had vastly different messages. Both were signs looking for you, but while one said “missing,” the other had “wanted” in bold letters. The same image was in the center of them, some sort of royal portraiture. The issue was it looked nothing like you — and not in the “you’ve aged” sort of way. It bared virtually no resemblance to you. Shanks had to examine it closer to be certain it was even you in the photo. That explained how you had been able to slip through the cracks for so long.

“Well, no shit, they never found her,” Shanks commented, putting down the flyer. “Did they not have another picture? Why’d they use that one?” Beckman, ever prepared, had another poster at the ready. “Couldn’t tell ya. It’s probably why they updated it.” The new poster was slid over to the captain.

“See, this makes sense for a bounty poster,” Shanks said, barely looking at it. He’d only caught a glimpse of a large fire behind you before making his point. Returning his attention to the image, a small frown carved itself onto his face. You looked so small. And sickly, you were pale and had deep bags under your eyes. But above all else, you looked terrified.

The picture as a whole was you running away from a burning building looking over your shoulder. The flames had been so intense that it was impossible to distinguish anything of note about the structure behind you other than it was large and on fire. Against his wishes, the yonko’s eyes kept slipping back to the panicked look on your face. He’d had enough. Shanks flipped the flyer upside-down and held it firmly against the table as if it would turn itself over to haunt him.

“What else?” The captain asked, firmly redirecting his gaze to his first mate.

“Specifics remain unclear, seems even the marine didn’t have it together,” Beck plucked out another page and handed it over. “Got an ex marine find send the internal report.” Shanks took a moment to scan the report, which was short and had very little information — surprising considering how much of a threat you had been deemed with such a high price on your head. All it boiled down to was an attack on a warehouse crucial for operations, nothing on the casualties, only a note on the worth of the damaged goods.

The remaining stack of papers in Beck’s hand were placed down in front of Shanks. “Same guy sent in a detailed personal account. Claiming the report was almost entirely fabricated.” Oh… that stack was one thing. If even Beckman found it to be too detailed, then Shanks was really in for a treat. He paged through the account — it was fucking double-sided.

“This is…through,” the redhead said. Beck let out a deep laugh. Both men knew that had been an understatement. Every minuscule thing the person could recall had been included, including irrelevant information like burning their tongue on the morning’s coffee. Shanks set it down, making note to come back to it later. It was far too early for him to be reading all of that.

“So… the internal report was bullshit, but that’s all we got? Other than this picture at the scene?” Shanks asked, holding up your new bounty poster away from him. “Pretty much.” “Damn,” the captain muttered under his breath.

“I’ll keep looking Cap’t. ’S been less than a day, more’s gonna come in,” Beckman paused to look the red-head in the eyes. “But if you’re really interested, it might be better to get it from the source.”

He should talk to you.

“Good idea,” Shanks stood up and left without so much as a goodbye — a behavior that didn’t phase his second in command at all.

~~~~~~~

You woke up in the same sterile environment that you had fled the night before. This definitely was not where you’d fallen asleep. Someone must’ve found you and brought you back to this dumb room, and you had a sneaking suspicion of who’d been the one to do it. If the familiar coat covering your body was any indication, it seemed that you were on the right track. At least the comforting, familiar scent undercut the harsh smell of sterilization.

Hold on. Comforting? It rubbed you the wrong way that you found his scent comforting, but there was no other way to put it. You sighed and decided to worry about that later.

With a groan, you sat up in bed. Aches echoed through your body at the action. Your first priority was to get the hell out of the godforsaken room as soon as possible. Being confined to “bedrest” or whatever it was felt too much like being trapped. And you were not going to be in that position ever again, even if it went against “doctor’s orders.”

Before you could leave, Hongo walked in and halted your progress. You froze like a kid who’d been caught sneaking out (your situation was not that much different) and offered him a sheepish smile. He shut the door behind him, looking disappointed but not surprised.

“Sit down. Let’s change your bandages,” he said. Reluctantly, you listened, knowing full well that it was what was best for you. Sat on the edge of the bed, you watched the doctor move around as he gathered his supplies.

“Why am I here? Who brought me?” You asked, wanting confirmation. Hongo exhaled and looked you dead in the eyes. “Who’d ya think? You know who.” He was right, you already knew exactly who had done it. The first time the man hadn’t listened to you with something, and you were pissed. “That fucking man,” you muttered. Deep down, you knew it was unfair to be as upset as you were, but that didn’t stop you.

“He did it with your best interests in mind,” Hongo said, coming to the defense of his captain. “It’s not good for you to be out in the cold, sleeping on the deck like that.” You snorted. “Neither are bullets.” The corners of the doctor’s mouth upticked at your retort while he brought what he needed over to you.

“‘M just saying he’s only tryna to look out for you.” Hongo clarified. “Yeah, yeah,” you dismissed him while raising whoever’s shirt you were wearing to take it off, ignoring the buttons.

As if on cue, Shanks came walking through the door following a weak knock. “Get out,” you told him flatly as you let the shirt — his shirt he quickly recognized — fall back to your body. “Yes, Ma’am,” the emperor said, understanding the situation he had just walked in on. “I’ll be outside.”

“Wait,” you said, stopping Shanks. “Take your coat,” you said, tossing the garment at him. “And, uh — thanks.” Although you felt awkward, the gesture was appreciated. “Anything for you, Doll,” Shanks winked before finally exiting the room. You rolled your eyes at the remark, desperately trying to control the heat that rose to your cheeks. 

“I’ll get you out of here soon as I can,” Hongo promised. In silence, he assessed the injury for any signs of infection as he redressed the area. Only once he had finished did he speak. “I doubt you’ll be coming back here without a fight or listen to me when I tell ya to take it easy. So, stop by twice a day to get the bandages changed, yeah?”

Grateful he hadn’t tried to push or guilt-trip you into anything, you agreed — on a caveat. “You have to be the one to do it. Nobody else.” It was bad enough that Hongo knew about the brand on your back; you didn’t want to risk anyone else finding out. “I know,” the doctor said with a tight-lipped, sympathetic smile.

With nothing more to say, you eagerly left the damn hospital room — only to nearly run into Shanks on the way out. You had forgotten he’d been there. He held himself differently than he had minutes before; you could count on one hand the amount of times you’d seen him serious. “What’d ya need?” You cut to the chase, hoping to make it quick. “We gotta talk.” 

You shifted your weight uncomfortably. That could mean many things, and right now, none of them sounded good. “’S nothing too bad,” Shanks offered with a reassuring smile. “I know you can understand now that you’re gonna be staying with us, I got a few questions.”

A part of you wanted to clarify that you weren’t staying for long, only until the next island, but you held your tongue. He was right. He’d been so helpful to you already, with no benefit to him. You felt like you owed the man some answers at the very least. “I understand.”

“‘M glad. Now, let’s go talk somewhere else,” the captain said, and you followed his lead.

~~~~~~~

Shanks brought you to what was clearly an office. He offered you a seat, and you tried to hide how eager you were to take it. You would never say it, but the walk had hurt like hell and sitting had sounded like heaven. Sensing another presence in the room you went on high alert.

“Beck’s gonna join us,” Shanks informed you. You sucked in your lips, unsure how to feel about that. You weren’t dumb, you knew the conversation that was coming. While you trusted both men, almost innately, sharing anything about the period of your life in question was something you were highly cautious of. 

The two times you had confided in someone about it had both ended very, very badly. The first time, in your early twenties, you’d lost who you’d thought would be the love of your life. Only in hindsight could you see the foolishness in such a dream. The second time had nearly killed you, and you had the scars to prove it.

“I’m gonna be real honest with you, Y/N,” Shanks started, noticing your unease. “He’s gonna find out either way. Might as well cut out the middle man,” he said while he sat across from you maintaining eye contact. “But, if you would like him to leave, he can go.”

You looked over at the man in question, who nodded, reaffirming the offer to leave. You sighed. “’S fine, just wasn’t expecting an audience,” you tried to joke, but it had come out stiff — in fact, everything about you was stiff. It looked like you were one wrong step away from entering flight or fight mode.

Your subconscious had already begun building up walls, your brain fortifying itself in preparation for a deep dive into the most traumatic period of your life. You had never fully dealt with the experience, and if you had it your way, you never would either.

Crescent shapes began to form on your palms from how hard you clinched your fists, and your jaw was clenched so tight your teeth could shatter. Focusing on your breathing, you shut your eyes; you weren’t going to let yourself fall apart before you had even begun. Reopening your eyes, you nodded as a sign to start, as ready as you would ever be.

“Where’d ya learn to fight like that?” Shanks asked. It was an entry-level, merely testing the waters — you were aware of that, but you were grateful for the soft ball, even if it hadn’t helped ease your nerves.

“My father.” Your short response was met with a prolonged silence. Both men were seeing if you would elaborate if given the space to do so. It took a few moments for you to cave, when you saw how you could stall for time. Clearing your throat you continued.

“He was hell-bent on us, me and my siblings, being warriors that never saw war. The man had us training in damn near every type of combat you can think of.” Your hands unclenched, resting on the arms of the chair. When you reminded yourself where this was all heading, your shoulders tensed back up and any sign of progress vanished. “To get where you’re going, I got cocky. I thought I was untouchable, really. I also had a habit of sneaking out to go drinking. I didn’t quite understand my limits, and that’s what bit me in the ass. I was so far gone I couldn’t do anything when they, uh… took me…” Your words dwindled out. You couldn’t keep going.

Shanks was recognizing that this might not get them anywhere — if you were unable to talk about the basics of the situation then there was no way you’d be able to answer actual questions. The yonko filed the little nugget of information you had shared away for later, for now, he needed to make sure you were relaxed. Luckily, he was good at that.

“Tell me about your family.” Admittedly, the inquiry had come with ulterior motives. You’d been the most relaxed when you mentioned your family, which made it a good place to embark from. There was the added benefit that Shanks was actually interested in your answer. After yesterday, he had realized he really didn’t know much about you.

You opened and closed your mouth. That surprised you. Instead of asking about the kidnapping or what had taken place the night you earned a bounty, he wanted to know about your family. That didn’t make sense. But you had to admit, you missed talking about your family. You had been really close, but due to your situation, you hadn’t been able to talk too much about them for years. 

With hesitation, you answered with only the basics: the only daughter in a family full of sons, the third child out of five, even an honorable mention of the family dog. It took a while for you to give answers longer than what would answer exactly what was asked, but you got there when asked about how your training worked.

“Soon as I was old enough to join the military training, my older brothers were so much better than me. They’d been at it for a couple of years, and I was only — I think nine— but they wouldn’t go easy on me. It made me so mad. I hated losing. I tried so hard to catch up, spending all my time and energy training, but I could not compete. I was so frustrated, so my dad told me to pick one thing and focus on it. From a young age, like too young, like toddler, I had an interest in blades — the stories I’ve been told about my founder self, ’s a surprise I got all my fingers and toes.” You shook your head with a genuine smile. You had been a real handful as a kid.

“Anyways, cause of that I picked sword fighting, it was my dad’s favorite too and he was excited. He’d give me one on one lessons in the dead of night— to hide it from my mom mainly, there’s a whole story about that — Those lessons were so fun.  I was such a daddy’s girl growing up. With his help it took less than a year to defeat both of my older brothers.

“My oldest brother, [NAME], was so mad when I won. I thought I was a sore loser. But imagine being a teenager, damn near an adult really, next in line for the throne, and you get your ass beat by your little sister who still had her baby teeth. Repeatedly. Poor guy. Least when I left he gotta be on top again.” The hint of dark humor didn’t really land with anyone lol.

After you had mentioned the line of succession, it hit you that your brother was not the king — your father had died unexpectedly less than a year ago. In a sense, he had long been dead to you, along with everyone else you had known back then. Trying to see or even contact them would never be safe, for either of you. If they could only ever be memories to you, how far off was that from death?

Your face fell, and your hands fiddled with the hem of your shirt. It felt like you had shared too much. On one hand, it was nice to talk about your family again; sharing memories was what kept them alive, but on the other was your long, lingering sense of apprehension when it came to discussing your past on any level.

Letting your eyes scan the room for something to distract you, you spotted your old missing poster. Now that was something you hadn’t seen in years. Reaching over and grabbing the image, you looked at it closer. You still remembered the day it had been taken. You’d been so resistant to the entire process, but if you could go back, you would’ve complied. The entire day, your mom had spent fussing over you. If you had known it would be one of the last times you’d ever get to spend with her, you would’ve acted differently. However, the regret attached to the memory didn’t change how you hated the portrait. “I fucking hate this picture,” you said, flipping the image over to display it. “I look awful, like I lost a look-alike contest of myself.” That comment won you a little smile from Shanks, who had been awfully inexpressive for most of the conversation, well inexpressive for him.

“You see the new one?” Beckman asked from the side. He’d been so quiet you had nearly forgotten he was there. “There’s a new one?” Beck dug back out your recently reissued bounty poster from the pile of papers on the desk and handed it to you.

Your blood ran cold, and a wave of nausea hit you. The hand that held the paper fell into your lap, and you were stuck staring at the image.

“I don’t remember most of that night,” you admitted, not speaking to anyone in particular. Your voice was so incredibly weak it barely qualified as a whisper, but it was understood. “Or most of what happened after I was taken.” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them from starting. “It’s all so cloudy. They kept me so drugged up for so long, I’m pretty sure I went through withdrawal after I escaped.”

Shanks’ gaze hardened and his nostrils flared out, but you didn’t see it. He wasn’t naive; when you had revealed that you had been kidnapped he knew nothing good occurred during that time, but knowing specifics made him feel murderous.

“That fucking man.” You remembered the devil fruit user who could put you under with just a touch. The worst was when he would incapacitate you but leave you in a state of relative consciousness. Your kidnappers had found some sick and twisted satisfaction in toying with you, trying to pull the fight from your soul. They never laid their hands on you — bar one incident where you were slapped — but that hadn’t stopped them from treating you like a stray dog. “I could’ve escaped if it wasn’t for him — I almost did too.” 

Memories from your time in captivity had started to come back to you in sharp fragments. Specific incidents that you would rather not think about tried to resurface, and you did everything in your power to not let them.

A tear drop fell onto your hand — you hadn't been aware you'd been crying. Unconsciously, you crumpled up the paper in your hands as you wiped away your tears. It had been years since you had thought in depth about it, even longer since you had cried about it. Pretending that it had never happened was a hell of a lot easier than accepting that it had. You probably would have chosen to live the rest of your life in denial if it hadn't been forced back into your mind. 

“Fuck,” you whispered harshly. Looking to the side, you tried to blink the tears away. You hated crying, but you preferred it to the all-encompassing dread you sometimes got. Both outcomes sucked, and showing it around others was worse. After a moment you had managed to collect your breathing. 

Unfortunately, emotions do not just disappear. Once the waterworks had stopped, a newfound rage blossomed inside you. You had to make them pay. You would make them pay. There had been so many times you had fantasized about getting your revenge, but you had always backed out in fear of the price. However, now, you had nothing left to lose. 

The thirst for blood you had suddenly exhibited unfazed the pirates. They both had blood on their hands. Violence was a fact of life with the way they lived it, and they couldn’t blame you for wanting to get your revenge. Shit, Shanks would probably drop everything and help you if you asked, but that wasn’t in your nature.

As quickly as the fire within you had been ignited, it was extinguished. It was scary how fast you reverted into your old form, or rather a significantly more guarded version of yourself.

You cracked a smile, one that was almost believable. “Anything else I can do for you, gentleman?” You hoped it was over, all you wanted was to be done talking and go back to a state of normalcy. Beckman opened his mouth to speak, a question clearly on his mind, but Shanks cut him off. “Think we’re good for now.” He did not want you to push yourself more than you needed to, and if you truly didn’t remember much, like you had said, your answers wouldn’t fill in the gaps.

“Alright.” You stood up, hoping that the old of pain you felt in your abdomen didn’t show on your face. “You know where to find me,” you paused — you wouldn’t know where to find you. No fucking way would you be heading back to the infirmary and the only other place you knew on the ship was the damned captain’s quarters, which was another no go.

“Actually, we got a room cleared out for you if you want,” Beck informed you. “Why don’t you go show her, Captain?” He grinned at the man. Shanks wasn’t about to object but, but he raised an eyebrow, curious of his first mate’s motive. “I’m still on duty or else I would do it. I trust you know can handle him.” The last part was directed towards you.

“Boy do I,” the double entendre slipped out before you could stop it. Immediately when you realized what you’d said you grew flustered. It was the first time you didn’t stand behind something suggestive, at least around Shanks. But if playing that way was gonna take your mind off of things, he was game. “That still on the table, Love?” The red haired man cheekily asked while he held the door for you. “No,” you said too fast. “Alright,” Shanks drew the response out as if he didn’t believe you, but you didn’t even believe yourself — not that you’d admit that.

“Thank you Beckman, see you later,” you said, ignoring the captain. With that you walked down the hallway like you knew where you were going. From behind you, you heard your sentiment being echoed in a mocking tone and the faint laugh it got from Beck and rolled your eyes.

“Hate to break it to you, Doll, but you’re going the wrong way,” Shanks called out to you with humor in his voice. “I’m taking the scenic route.” The man caught up to you, falling into stride. “Ahh, is that what this is? Gonna be a little bit difficult ‘cause this is a dead end.”

As you turned the corner, you saw the end he’d been referring to. You bit your lips to hold back a smile; you didn’t have to look at him to know his expression. 

Stopping in your tracks, you turned to the man, trying to stay as serious as possible. “Have you considered renovation?” He grinned at the question. “Wanna head that up?” You laughed at his offer. “That’ll take far longer than to the next port. I fear you’ll get sick of me,” you said playfully, as if the thought cut you deeply. “I don’t envision that happening,” Shanks countered honestly.

This was what felt comfortable. In such an unfamiliar setting in an uncertain time, stupid banter felt like a lifeline. The conversation continued as you kept walking (this time with Shanks leading the way). You started to recognize where you were — and it wasn’t near the medical bay. “Luckily for you, my room is right down the hall. In case you need anything.” Although it had started that way, his statement didn’t end as an innuendo — he had meant it.

“And, Doll? I wanna ask,” Shanks said, turning serious again as he looked you in the eyes. “Are you alright?” You did not know how to answer that. You had been shot, had your life turned upside down, were actively being hunted down, and were a hair away from a breakdown. In short, you were not alright. But that wasn’t for him to know.

“I’m fine, Shanks. Thanks for asking.” Your tight-lipped smile proved the opposite, and the emperor had seen the debate going on behind your eyes, but he wasn’t going to press you on it. He couldn’t force you to talk, and he didn’t want to.

Before you could excuse yourself to go sit alone in the dark with your thoughts, a bell rang. You looked around, checking for the source. The captain of the ship was unbothered by the noise; instead, he smiled your way. “You hungry, Darlin’?”

~~~~~~~

Late that night, Shanks was happy to finally be on his way to bed. He hadn’t been sleeping well for the past several nights, and the lack of sleep was starting to catch up to him.

The extensive amount of paperwork he had done had left his eyes stinging. Shanks never would have thought that being a pirate involved so much paperwork, but it came with the territory, quite literally.

Bleary-eyed, he walked past your door only to hear a scream from inside. Suddenly, the emperor was much more awake. His protective instincts kicked into overdrive, and he burst through your door with his hand on his sword. There was no one in the room but you. Of course there was no one but you. The fact that he had thought there might’ve been an intruder or something was ridiculous — it would be damn near impossible for that to have happened with no one noticing. Knowing it was only you in the room calmed his nerves. His hand left the hilt of his sword as he relaxed.

In hopes of finding out what had happened, Shanks shifted his focus onto you, and his stomach dropped. Oh no. You were vigorously wiping tears from your eyes, and your knees were curled into your chest. “What happened?” Shanks asked in a soft, but noticeably tired voice. “Nothing,” you sniffled. “It was just a nightmare, nothing you need to worry about.” You tried to offer him a smile, but it was far from convincing. Still, you hoped he would accept the answer and leave. You didn’t want him (or anyone else for that matter) to see you in this state, especially when he’d already witnessed you cry earlier that day. You were not weak and refused to be seen as such. This was something you could handle on your own.

The man nodded, but hung around the doorframe as if he were weighing his options. “You know where to find me if you need.” It hadn’t been explicit, but you understood what he’d meant — it was an open invitation for you to talk to him. “I appreciate it, but that won’t be necessary.” He should have known that you would decline his offer. “Something to keep in mind.” “I will,” your fake smile made a reappearance. It was obvious you were lying through your teeth. 

“Goodnight,” Shanks said. He was slightly hesitant to leave, but there was nothing more he could do. Besides, he was exhausted, but a lingering sense of unease kept him at the edge of consciousness. He had meant what he’d said.

~~~~~~~

Everything was fuzzy when you came to. You were greeted by a red hot iron and a sadistic smile. An overwhelming panic rose in your gut. Restrained and unable to escape you screamed. To your horror people dropped, their bodies set ablaze. A wall of prison cells materialized through the flames. There were people inside, screaming for your help, but you were completely frozen. You caught a glimpse of your hands — they were covered in blood. Blood continued to pool in your palms until it was spilling out of your grasp and —

You awoke with a start. The previous nightmare along with the conversation that morning must’ve opened the floodgates. Memories you had managed to suppress for the most part had started to resurface as mangled versions of themselves. In truth, you should have been expecting this. Every time you had been reminded of your past, the ghosts of all those awful moments would gather around to haunt you in the form of vicious nightmares. They would lurk until your all consuming guilt was satiated for the time being.

Mistakenly, you had thought you were in the clear. The night before and your sleep during the day had both been dreamless so you had hoped that, for once, you would be spared. It had been naive of you to think. Your body’s desperate need for rest (along with whatever pain killers Hongo had given you) had probably been the reason for the deep and dreamless sleep.

Like the last one, tears streamed down your face as you were confronted with what you had done. Unimaginable survivor’s guilt gnawed at your insides. Everything was too much. You clamped a hand over your mouth to dampen the sobs that escaped while your shoulders shook violently. You couldn’t remember the last time it had been this bad.

When several minutes had passed and you were still unable to calm yourself, you remembered Shanks’s earlier offer. It sounded tempting. In this state, your pride was quickly being turned into dust.

You hated to admit it, but you couldn’t be alone right now. Asking for help was such a foreign concept to you. From the beginning, you had been undefended, but once you had been forced to go on the run, self-sufficiency became absolutely crucial. It was embarrassing to turn to others. 

It’s just Shanks, you reasoned to yourself. He’d already seen you fall apart, so might as well double down on it. What he thought about you didn’t really matter; come the next island in however long, he would drop you off and you would never see each other again. That thought stung a little bit, but the reassurance pushed you to leave your room.

A moment later, you found yourself at his door. You knocked lightly, unsure if you truly wanted him to hear you. If he answered, you prayed that the cover of darkness would conceal your undoubtedly tearstained face and hide the way you couldn’t control your shaking. Just when you were about to turn back and suffer through the rest of it on your own, the door opened.

You had absolutely woken him up. Voice thick with sleep and eyes half-closed, Shanks greeted you, stepping aside to let you in and shutting the door behind you. The last time you had been in his private quarters had been under much more favorable circumstances. That night, only two prior, flashed briefly in your mind before it was drowned out by the horrible images that had been keeping you up.

“Sorry for waking you.” Your voice was scratchy from all the crying. “I couldn’t be alone.” You’d taken care that he hadn’t gotten the opportunity to get a proper look at your face — as if that was the only tell of how fucked up you were. “’S ‘kay,” he mumbled, taking turns to rub his eyes.

Instead of going to bed or standing in the middle of the room, like he had expected, you moved to the desk in the far corner of the room. As if you couldn’t get far enough away. You practically collapsed onto the chair once you met it.

“Give me a couple of minutes and I can be out of your hair.” You tried so hard to sound steady. You hated that you even needed to be there and hoped that setting a time limit would make it easier somehow. If you had been of a clearer mind, you also would have thought to do something similar, to avoid bothering the man too much. You were sure that your being aboard the ship was enough of an inconvenience, you didn’t need to make it worse by disturbing the captain’s sleep.

Shanks took a few steps forward to get a better look at you. You were so much more shaken up than you had been. Despite the weak lighting, the puffiness around your eyes was glaringly obvious. Being backlit showcased your quivering silhouette. This was worse than he’d imagined.

Running his hand through his hair, Shanks sighed. “Go lie down.” He left little room for argument, but that didn’t mean you didn’t try. “You go lie down.” Even actively distraught, you maintained your stubbornness. He almost found it charming. Almost. 

“‘M not the one who was shot,” he countered.

“What’re you doing?” You questioned when he tossed a pillow to the floor. No way in hell. “Shanks,” you said firmly, capturing his attention. “I’m not gonna kick you out of your own bed.” You couldn’t believe he’d do something so ridiculous; you weren’t that selfish.

“Okay, fine. We’ll share,” the man compromised, picking up the pillow and flopping onto the mattress. He scooted to the wall, giving you plenty of space to join him, but you didn’t move a muscle.

“Come on. You know I don’t bite… not without permission.” His cheeky smile was laced with sleepiness. It was adorable, and that was annoying. It was odd, how being around him took the edge off, but that wasn’t something you were going to explore at the moment.

Fully aware that Shanks would continue to pester you, you caved. You climbed onto the bed but stuck close to the edge of the mattress. With his eyes already closed, Shanks sighed. “You’re gonna fall off all the way over there.” He waited for you to heed his warning, but, of course, you never did. “’S gonna hurt like hell if you fall off and land on your side.” That managed to get through your head and with a huff you complied.

Lying still as stone next to him, you damn near glared at the ceiling. The panic was doing its best to resurface, but you wouldn’t let it. Your inner turmoil worked to maintain all the tension in your body. “Wanna talk about it?” Shanks offered, breaking the silence after a few minutes. He’d known you hadn’t so much as closed your eyes. “No,” you said simply, but somehow the offer itself helped ease your mind. “Alright.” After the short exchange and with the understanding you didn’t need him awake, the man next to you practically passed out.

The warmth of his body was something you found comfort in. His light, rhythmic snores gave you something concrete to concentrate on. With time, you felt yourself coming down from the verge of a panic attack. 

Feeling like you had calmed down to a reasonable level, you decided it was time to go. But when you made a move to leave, an arm draped over your torso, landing in an unnatural position to avoid the bullet wound in your abdomen. Somehow, despite barely being awake, Shanks had managed to not only sense you leaving but be mindful of your injury. You didn’t like the way it made your heart skip a beat.

“Stay,” he mumbled, not opening his eyes. After a second of thought, you decided to follow his suggestion, and eventually, you slipped off into sleep.

~~~~~~~

A while later, Shanks was pulled back to consciousness by something. He didn’t know the time, but the moon seemed to be high judging from the beams shining through the small window. A light whimper to his left caught his attention. It’d come from you.

Your face was contorted into a grimace, the rise and fall of your chest irregular. Another nightmare, no doubt. Under your breath, you started mumbling words that sounded like pleas. Without really thinking about it, and still half-asleep, Shanks stroked your hair, trying to comfort you. 

“No, don’t,” your words clarified slightly, awakening the man to your side further. He blinked away some of his lethargy and focused his gaze on you. Your brow had furrowed more since the last time he checked. The sight prompted him to caress your face, soothing out the harsh lines. It seemed to work for a moment, but it didn’t last. Tears started to sneak past your lash line. Shanks hadn’t realized he’d been wiping them away until he felt you stir and he was far too tired to read into why he’d thought to in the first place.

“Stop!” Even unconscious, an aura of power radiated around you.

Panting, you jolted upright. You curled your knees close to your chest, mimicking the fetal position. Your hands went to your head and wove themselves into your hair before you tugged on the strands. Gently, Shanks called out your name as he sat up with you, but you didn’t hear him. No noise made its way through the panic. You couldn’t calm down. You clung to yourself, closing yourself off. Your nails dug into the flesh of your arms and you held yourself tightly, the stinging barely teetering you to reality. The thought of where you were didn’t even cross your mind until the tears slowed drastically.

Shanks hated seeing you like this. What was worse was knowing there wasn’t really anything he could do. He couldn’t join in on the battle in your mind or pull you out of it; all he could do was be there. Shanks pulled you into him and brought you both back down onto the mattress. Instinctively, you settled into the man. While you weren’t by any means better, you had stopped trembling and your hyperventilation had scaled back to ragged breaths — it wasn’t a lot, but it was something, and Shanks would take something.

You placed your hands on his chest, pushing back to create some space. Craning your head up to look the yonko in the eyes to find that he already had his trained on you. His eyes were filled with concern, but that worry was entirely lost on you in your state.

“I did it —“ you started, interrupted by a sob you couldn’t hold back. Shanks, of course, had no idea what you were talking about. He had his suspicions, but they meant nothing in the moment. Your troubles being unknown to him didn’t change how you were struggling. Whatever you had been confessing to, whatever you had done, or thought you’d done, was crushing you. “—I-I— F-fuck.” You couldn’t get a word out.

The dam officially broke, the tears you had tried so hard to hold back forced their way out. Your hands clutched tightly onto the fabric of Shanks’s shirt as you pressed your forehead into his chest. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t fucking breathe. It had never been this bad before, but you were too far gone to think of what could have changed.

Bringing you closer, Shanks rubbed your back as you cried. For your sake, he tried to suppress the anger he felt, but it had tripped since this morning and was still growing. Someone had done this to you. You had gone through something that left you deeply traumatized — if you weren’t currently falling apart in front of him, the yonko would search the ends of the earth to find the people who’d hurt you… as he would for anyone else on his crew (lie)… even if you weren’t on it yet.

“I killed them.” That information hadn’t surprised the man; you had hinted at as much before. Your body went right as you forced yourself to continue. You stared and spoke directly into Shanks’s chest, muffling your already hard-to-decipher words. “I…hear the screams. I couldn’t do anything. I tried to help them, I really did… couldn’t find the keys. The fire grew too fast.” A string of sobs, more violent than the last, cut you off. Shanks tightened his grip on you.

“I can still smell it,” you sniffled with more composure, but it was obvious you were hanging on by a thread. “I can feel the heat.” Your voice was still unsteady, but your words were more defined. “I feel the heat. I-I told him to stop and he did — but he dropped it. And the fire,” you pulled back from the security of his chest to look at Shanks. Your eyes were dangerously glassy. “They begged me for help and I let them die.”

There was no other way to describe it — you looked broken. He watched you try to continue talking only to devolve into weeping. You didn’t have the presence of mind to be embarrassed about what was happening, so, for the time being, you’d let Shanks hold you as you cried.

Whispering words of comfort, Shanks intermediately placed kisses on the top of your head as you continued to cling to him. He felt his shirt grow damp from your tears, but that was the least of his concerns. He couldn’t help but feel partially responsible for your distress, like if he hadn’t asked questions, you wouldn’t’ve been hurt. He had seen the way you’d reacted to light questioning. You had probably been struggling like this all day, the thought made his heart clench.

He listened to you as your breathing gradually grew soft and steady, eventually evening out. Shanks sighed when you finally fell asleep. Luckily, you slept through the rest of the night, but he couldn’t say the same. As tired as he was, sleep never came to the man. He held you throughout the night, the image of you breaking down burned into his memory.

A new day would bring a fresh start but this ran deeper than that. 

a/n: should we (royal) be worried how easy writing the panic attacks came to me? should i talk to my therapist or something lol

good news!!! the next one is going to be even more fun (actual fun) and this time we actually have a plan (and over 10k written for it so far so 💀)

thank you for reading!! i hope you enjoyed it 💕

part three | more from me

[uceyliyahh]

CALL UP

summary: “Who you gon' run to when I'm gone?” Sianni went to the club with her friends completely ignoring Jey’s text messages showing out in front of her friends why? Bc she’s single ofc until he pulls up and puts her in her place.

warnings: toxic ex-boyfriend, unprotected sex, choking, daddy kink, dominance, cream-pie, baby doll, mama, toxic cycle, hair pulling, fluff at the end :)

word count: 3977

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

again mdni you have been warned.

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️@pinkwithhearts @420days @jstarr86 @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign @ctinadiva @duhitzkay380 @luuvprincess

@bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @aikosilo @papireigns-05 @punksyeet @paigereeder @magnificentbouquetmusic

@celesteheartsjey @charmed-dreamssss @fearlesschimera @partypoison00 @mselenalovebug @bloodlinesbabe93 @luvrsluxe @4milly @xbriexx @trippinsorrows @yyaktayak @yana3sworld @theusotwinzcom @lilucey @raya-hunter01

Sianni

I was excitedly preparing to hit the club with my friends Bianca and Trinity, finally free from the toxic grip of Jey. It felt liberating to know I could do whatever I wanted. We had been stuck in a harmful cycle for far too long. Every time I confronted him about his questionable behavior, he would dismiss my concerns and label me as delusional for trusting what I saw online.

This time, things took a turn for the worse; it was one of the most intense arguments we’ve ever had in our relationship. I had come across a video of him at a club, where a girl was all over him while he chatted with someone else. At first, I brushed it off, but then I received a text from her, complete with screenshots and photos of them together. That shattered me, and in that moment, I realized our time together was coming to an end.

When he returned home from his tour, I confronted him about the situation. Instead of owning up to it, he started denying everything, claiming she was lying and that the screenshots and photos were fabricated. I couldn't believe it and rolled my eyes, refusing to entertain his nonsense any longer. It became clear to me that I needed to end things for good. I was tired of his manipulation and the way he made me feel like I was losing my mind over something he had actually done.

In the present moment, he has been bombarding me with messages and calls, but I refuse to engage. I won’t be fooled by his games again. I applied some lip gloss, rubbing my lips together to create that perfect “pop.” Just then, I heard a car honking outside. When I glanced out the window, I spotted Bianca and Trin arriving.

As I reached for my purse and keys, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, alerting me to another text message from Jey.

Stink💔 sent a message

Stink💔: Ayo Sianni yo’ ass better stop playing with me and come tf home yk them pictures were fake.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his message. He knows those screenshots and photos are genuine; he's just frustrated that he got caught once more. I'm exhausted from going around in circles with him on this issue, so I decided to send him a quick message before putting my phone away in my purse.

Mamas🩷: Jey leave me tf alone aight? You know them screenshots and photos of yall two together are real asf clear as day as a matter of fact I am single and I can do whatever I want so why don’t you go back to that hoe you was fucking and leave me alone.

Upon sending him that message, my phone buzzed once more, prompting a deep sigh as I noticed his reply appear on the screen.

Stink💔: single? Tuh girl yo’ ass is funny keep fucking with me yo’ ass better not be at the club tonight tell Trin and Bianca to drop you off over here now

Could he really be serious? I'm done with these mind games; he made his choice to cheat on me with someone from his own workplace.

Mamas🩷: Joshua you fucking heard me nigga I’m not repeating myself and I’m goin’ to the club either way because I’m fucking single 🙄

I stepped outside, securing the door behind me, and made my way to Bianca’s car. As I approached, she lowered the window, poked her head out, and waved enthusiastically at me.

“Heyyy girly you ready to get turnt up tonight!” Bianca exclaimed.

“Hell yeah! I needed this for real and Trin tell Jey to leave me alone please,” I said as I got in the backseat of Bianca’s car.

Trinity raised her hands, clearly wanting to distance herself from the chaos between me and her brother-in-law. "You need to sort that out with him," she advised, and I nodded in agreement, feeling my phone vibrating in my purse.

When I checked my phone, I saw three missed calls from him, and he was clearly losing it. On top of that, there were three messages waiting for me that completely took me by surprise.

three missed calls from Stink💔

Stink💔: bring yo’ ass home Sianni I’m not fucking playing with yo’ ass

Stink💔: I will pull up in the bitch a snatch yo’ little ass up and you won’t be having no type of fucking fun

Stink💔: acting fucking stupid for no fucking reason better not be shaking no ass you tryna be hoe huh?

Was it bad that I love this shit from him? Him being all aggressive and upset at me for breaking up with him and then heading to the club to act out? Yes it was toxic but did I care? Not really.

Mamas🩷: Joshua I don’t give a flying fuck what’chu yapping about my nigga all of this would’ve been avoided if you would’ve just said yes that you fucked her that’s all but no you want to be innocent and be fucking stupid.

Stink💔: Don’t fucking disrespect me Sianni I will fix all of that shit in a heartbeat and I told you none of them screenshots were real but you wanna listen to Jaida huh? You barely know her.

Mamas🩷: MAYBE she didn’t want me to look more stupid than I already do so how about you go fuck her Jey and leave me alone I told you I’m done

Stink💔: see there you go again being fucking stupid it’s okay I got something for that ass when I come snatch yo’ ass up keep on Sianni

Mamas🩷: I’m not goin back and forth with you nigga goodbye 🖕🏾

I tucked my phone away into my purse, letting out a deep sigh as I gazed out the window at the stars and the moon illuminating the night sky, hoping fervently that he wouldn’t arrive.

Bianca shouted above the pulsating beats of the club, "You two really need to mature! How much longer are you going to drag this out?"

"I genuinely care for him, but every time we seem to be in a good place, things take a turn for the worse when he starts acting sneaky." It’s incredibly frustrating. I decided to ignore his call and put my phone on do not disturb because I just couldn’t handle his drama tonight.

He could have simply admitted that he cheated on me during the times we were apart, especially since our long-distance relationship made it difficult to connect. I understood that being apart would be challenging, but this situation felt far worse than anything I had experienced before. Even when I reached out to him, his responses were often delayed, sometimes not coming until the afternoon. I tried to be patient and not pressure him about it, but everything changed when that girl, Jaida, sent me those screenshots and pictures of them together. It shattered me completely.

Addressing him about this issue or any other concerns I picked up from people online would lead him to dismiss everything as merely “work related.” I found that hard to accept and called him out on it, which only sparked intense arguments. He would manipulate the situation, leaving me in tears and forcing me to apologize. It was a relentless, toxic cycle that I was utterly exhausted by.

I longed for open communication and the reassurance I needed, but he never provided that. I reached my breaking point.

"All my single ladies, it's your time to shine!" The DJ called out into the mic, setting the stage for an electrifying moment as he seamlessly transitioned the music to TGIF by GloRilla.

Going to the club isn't about shedding tears over a guy who doesn't appreciate you or your feelings. It's about hitting the dance floor with your friends, letting loose, and enjoying life to the fullest. Embrace the night, forget your worries, and make unforgettable memories with your girls.

"Let’s have an unforgettable night and leave all our worries behind! I’m excited to be with you, my girls, since we don’t get to hang out nearly enough." With that, I downed a shot of Hennessy and made my way to the dance floor, ready to let loose.

I started dancing freely, not caring who was watching or what they thought. All that mattered was enjoying myself and letting go of the pain Jey had caused me. I was tired of the stress he brought into my life, and I was ready to embrace a good time without worrying about our relationship.

Bianca was clearly putting on a show for Trinity, and I couldn't help but laugh at their antics. Suddenly, I felt two hands gripping my hips, pulling me onto their lap. I playfully backed up against the guy behind me, moving my hips in a circular motion as I ground against him. I could sense his excitement, even though he knew he wouldn't be getting anything from me.

He explored every inch of my body, tracing my curves with his hands, his grip tightening around my throat as the alluring scent of Jack Daniel’s enveloped us.

“You cute as hell babygirl. You tryna head to the back? Got all of this ass on me.”

“Nah. you can get yo' hands off my girl."

I stood frozen, my heart racing as that deep, raspy voice echoed from behind me. I watched in shock as the guy was grabbed from behind, prompting me to spin around instantly. There on the ground lay the man, unconscious, after Jey had delivered a powerful punch to his face.

Fuck. I just knew he was going to make an appearance. Just to do something like this when he doesn’t get his way.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Like honestly?” I shouted as I shoved him away.

“I told yo’ ass sianni I fucking told you now grab yo’ shit and head towards the car don’t make me repeat myself. Got me fucked up.” He shouted while I remained there, arms crossed and unyielding.

He swept me off my feet, hoisting me onto his shoulders as he snatched my purse and phone. His gaze flicked between Bianca, Trinity, and the guy groaning on the ground.

"I had no idea she was your girlfriend; it seemed like she was ready to let loose."

Jey released me momentarily, seizing the man by the edge of his shirt and delivering another punch to ensure he stayed unconscious. Then, without hesitation, he hoisted me back onto his shoulders, even as I struggled to break free.

I was thrashing and wriggling like a child, playfully hitting him on the back, until a swift smack on my backside made me pause and reconsider my actions.

“This what I have to deal with? When yo’ ass could’ve just came home like the fuck I said but no you wanted to show you fucking ass tonight!” He shouted as he released me, forcing me down against his car and holding me firmly in position.

"If you weren't such a blatant hypocrite and a liar, I wouldn't have to deal with this situation, Joshua! A little honesty from you would have gone a long way! I'm so frustrated with you! While I'm at home waiting for you, you’re out entertaining other women at work, making me feel like a fool! " All this anger and resentment I have towards you stems from your actions, and it has left me feeling utterly worthless.

“Lower your fucking tone when you speak to me Sianni and I fucking told you it was work related nothing more!”

"It's hard to believe that entertaining other women and being intimate with them is considered part of the job. I don't see Jimmy or Montez treating Trin and Bianca that way, so what's your excuse now? Try to come up with something more original, or better yet, just be honest you fucking asshole." I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him, struggling to maintain my composure as tears threatened to spill down my cheeks.

“The fuck you just, you know what I’m not dealing with this shit tonight. Get in the fucking car.”

I’m not going anywhere with you, Joshua. I’m heading back into the club with Trin and Bianca. I can’t stand you; I absolutely despise you, Joshua. My feelings for you are nothing but hatred.

“Get in the fucking car Sianni. You starting to piss me the fuck off with all of this stupid shit you doing tonight. Jey swung open the passenger door of his car, casting a scrutinizing glance in my direction. “Get yo’ ass in the mother-fucking car Sianni I’m not playing with you and you aren’t going nowhere yo’ ass can say how much you hate me all you want but I know yo’ ass ain’t leaving me.”

“Ouuu! Fuck!” I grunted feeling my face being smudge into the bed sheets as he pummeled me from the back.

“This is what you wanted right? Showing yo’ fucking ass tonight so take this dick like a good girl for me mama,” When Jey exhaled, he gave me the one-leg-up, one-leg-down combination, which gave him more leverage to drag my ass back. “throw that ass back in circles for me baby doll,”

I was completely bewildered by what he was demanding from me, especially with the harsh blows he was delivering at that moment. When I failed to heed his words, his hand came down forcefully, striking me while he seized my hair, forcing me to meet his gaze. “the fuck did I just say? throw yo’ ass back in circles like you did at the club being a hoe,” Before I could hurl it back at him, his hand slammed down again.

“Mhmm, look at you. this is my fucking pussy you hear me? you had him thinking you was finna give him some tonight. was you gonna give it up baby doll?”

“Noooo…fuck..Jey…”

My pussy tightens gripping against him as his hand thuds my ass again.

“So fucking tight. you were going to give all of this away? something that belongs to me and only me? you’re fucking crazy,”

I couldn’t be angry at him or be upset at him while he as beating my insides in so roughly. My pussy was practically begging for that urge of release, I knew that this was going to happen this never-ending cycle of us arguing and then fucking I was tired of it but within each thrust he had given me he had to remind me that I was his and belong to him and nobody else. It was toxic very toxic but I would always fall for it because I love him and I would do anything for him but this time it felt different way different than before I was talking reckless to him and he once again showed me who was in control of this situation fucking me until my body felt numb.

The car ride was filled with harsh language and hurtful comments. Once we arrived home, I felt compelled to pack a suitcase. I was exhausted from this relentless cycle; it was mentally draining, and he seemed completely indifferent to my struggles. Deep down, I didn’t want to leave him, but I had reached my breaking point. It wasn’t my fault that I felt suspicious about his actions. I had no desire for revenge; that simply wasn’t who I was. After gathering some clothes, I made my way to the door, only to find him blocking my path and yanking the suitcase from my grasp.

“Yo’ ass ain’t leaving me Sianni. Get in the fucking room and wait for me in there. acting fucking reckless tonight I’m not having it.”

I rolled my eyes as he attempted to grab my suitcase, saying, “Joshua, I’m not playing this game anymore. I’ve made it clear that I’m completely finished with you. Go find someone else, like Jaida, and just leave me alone.”

“Why do you have do be so fucking stupid Sianni huh? she’s nobody to me. getcho ass in that fucking room don’t make me repeat myself,”

"No! Fuck that I'm no—" He silenced me by aggressively kissing my lips and driving his tongue down my throat as he carried me to our common bedroom. He threw me on the bed and tore off his clothing while ripping mine off, wasting hundreds of dollars. He then flipped me over and started hitting my wet cunt and not letting me to adjust to his size

“yo’ ass wanna be fucking stupid out here worrying about me doing this and that when I’m worried about you and only you,” He growled slamming into me deeply.

"W-wait! Jey! Oh fuckkk," I wailed as I pushed on his stomach, attempting to slow him down.

“Ain’t no fucking wait you wanted to act out tonight right? act out right now mama do it take this big ass dick,” he rammed deeply inside of my inner walls, showing off his dominance letting me know who’s running the show tonight.

As my yells reverberated off the wall, I could hear how wet my pussy was for him and only him feeling him digging his thumb inside of my second hole driving me insane as he continued to pummeled me to the oblivion.

“Fuckkkk!” The sensation made me cried out.

I knew that he was enjoying this breaking me into two pieces watching me crumbling underneath his touch knowing that I wasn’t leaving him.

Tonight was unlike any other; he was imparting a crucial lesson about the dangers of recklessness. Ironically, he was the one who had put me in this position. Perhaps I had gone too far, but he failed to grasp my perspective. I took the necessary actions, even if they didn't align with his way of thinking.

“Shit, this some good ass pussy mama. You were going to give it away baby doll?” He panted thrusting his hips deeper and deeper. “You ain’t leaving me mama. I won’t allow it after all the shit we been through I won’t.” He moaned out “saying you hate me but knowing damn well you love me way to damn much you taking this dick like a big girl just for daddy mama,”

“Ouuuu.” I cried out, a pit in my stomach telling me I was ready to cum. Within seconds of his dick and thumb digging into my asshole, I was going to make a mess on him and the sheets-damn so much of washing the sheets yet again.

“You finna cum huh? you think I’ll allow you to cum after putting on a show tonight?” He pulled my hair and removed his thumb to let me to stare up at him while grinding my body against his and whining as he rubbed my clit. “tell me something you belong to me? Hm? Is this my pussy?”

I had to say something to get him to let me cum, but I was so worn out and fatigued that I couldn't even understand or imagine the words coming out of my lips.

“you belong to me right? say it,”

“Yes I belong to you..” With a gentle croak, I threw my ass across his lap and chased his high.

“Un-un,” As he continued to hammer me, he put his hand around my throat to keep me near him. “show me how much you wanna cum, show me who you belong to,”

With greater force, I flung my ass back and spat my tongue out at him, opening my mouth wide so he could spit inside of it. He then tongued me down like no other, thrusting his dick deep inside of me.

“Tell me this is mine all mine, and tell daddy that your sorry for acting out tonight and I’ll let you cum baby doll,”

“Fuckkk! I’m sorry daddy! So sorry! It’s all yours I-I belong to you and only you! I-I cumming! Ouuu fuck I’m cumming!” Knowing that I was here to stay and that I wasn't going anywhere, that was all he wanted from me. My body fell onto the bed, and my thoughts went blank as I felt my body flail onto the covers like a dead body as my fluids poured out of me.

He struck me one final time as his warm seeds filled my inner walls to such a degree that I could see stars and felt ropes entering me one after the other.

After letting his dick spew out all of his nut that was gushing out the last of his sperm, he remained in that position for a minute before pulling away from me and flipping me onto my back as he watched my body tremble uncontrollably.

He tenderly brushed his lips across my skin, each gentle kiss designed to calm me, before leaning in to press a soft kiss on my lips. Then, he settled himself between my legs, resting his head against my chest.

“Did you actually mean that shit? That you hate me? Like actually hate me?”

“No, I didn’t mean it. I just wish you were more honest with me instead of denying it, it just felt like you didn’t care,”

“I do care though mama, I just don’t like to when you listen to other people on the net when you should be hearing it from me,”

I let out a heavy sigh, feeling utterly drained. "You know, you kept denying it over and over, which only made you seem more guilty, Joshua. So, I need you to be honest with me: did you cheat on me while you were on tour?"

The atmosphere in the room was thick with silence as he and I locked eyes. “I swear, I didn’t cheat on you while I was on tour. Jon and Montez can back me up on that. As for Jaida, I haven’t spoken to her since we ended things. Those were just old pictures and screenshots,” he said, realizing that my previous reactions were based on false evidence. “I could never betray you like that, mama. I love you too much, Sianni.”

“Then what about all of these times you didn’t answer my calls or text?”

“I was with the guys and got drunk so I couldn’t text you back really, look I’m sorry mama like for real though I’m sorry I want you and only you,”

Did I truly want to trust him this time? I was uncertain whether to approach Montez or Jon about the situation; they would likely just defend him regardless. Still, I simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it.

I weakly nodded in response to his smile, and I couldn't help but think that if looks could truly kill, he would be the one to end me. As we settled into bed, he pulled me close, his strong arms encircling my waist, creating a sense of safety and warmth.

“I love you Sianni,” Jey whispered as he placed a kiss on my neck.

“Mmmm, love you too,” I mumbled while drifting off to sleep.

Could he really be honest? He appeared sincere, yet my tendency to overthink casts doubt on his words. Ultimately, only time will reveal the truth.

-fin ❤️

A/n: ngl this ate down lol 😭🙂‍↕️

[swaglet]

.

now that i think about it this has actually been by far the most fucked up 6/7ish months of my life. i begrudgingly decide to give up my most favorite extracurricular activity ever that i've been doing since i was TEN YEARS OLD for my mental health because my new band director is insanely sexist and has been targeting me and making my life hell for the past year or two. my son / emotional support ferret / light of my entire life and the only reason im alive at all passes away after getting sick in middle age and my mom absolutely refuses to help me pay for any more vet visits after i completely drain my checking and savings account well into the negative hundreds of dollars to try and save him, and then he dies in my arms a week before my birthday, but she continues to spend $90+ dollars on monthly pain & joint medication for my childhood dog who CANNOT WALK and has to be carried around if she needs to walk more than 10 feet. a few months later after he dies, my other ferret who was bonded with my emotional support ferret gets sick from grief/a relapse in her immune issues/who knows what, and for an entire month i have to watch her get sicker and sicker and wither away in my hands until she dies in her sleep with me right next to her knowing theres nothing we could have done. no amount of money or medicine or vet visits could have changed the outcome. and then not even two weeks later my childhood dog, whose legs have not been working for months (honestly for years) at this point and my mom has been selfishly keeping alive with pain meds and shutting down her organs, finally collapses and cant stand up on her own anymore and stops eating entirely so her time has come and we have to euthanize her. and nobody in my family can handle death so i have to be the one that cradles her, alone with the vet tech and the needle, as she passes away. two days before that, our sweet and beautiful show cow sammy that my mom bottle fed and raised from the day he was born got really sick because of a congenital bladder issue and wasnt able to pee anymore so our vet had to come euthanize him as well. i wasnt there for that so i didnt even get to say goodbye. and to top it all off, right as all of this was happening recently at the end of april and beginning of may, i didnt have any of my medications at all. none of them.

life is so hard. i miss slinky and jellybean so much. i miss blue really really bad. i miss being a little kid and being out in the yard and running around with her, when she could still run. when everything was a little less bad. i just want to give them all one last hug. feel their fur one more time. not just the clipping of their fur but their fur on them for real. pet them for real. feel them breathe. hear them make their sounds. see them blink at me.

i just need some good things to happen and bad things to stop happening for a while. or if bad things are going to happen can they please be a little less bad

[burned-scones]

I don’t know where when or how this comes about but I’m thinking about a scenario where Roy finally just loses it.

Maybe Jason’s done something fucked up again and Dick is joking it off because what else can you do. Maybe it’s Jason himself, during a team-up, saying something that strikes Roy’s nerves just right. Maybe it’s a conversation with some of the arrow fam where he has Realizations™ and then he’s demanding Wally speed him off to Gotham to scream in Jason’s face.

It’s vicious. It’s cruel. It tears apart all of the history he’s watched since he first heard the name Jason Todd uttered by Dick and mid rant he realizes just how much of who Dick is, is because of Jason Todd and Bruce Wayne. He’s pissed about Mia. He’ll ALWAYS be pissed about what that motherfucker did to Mia. Locking her in her school to blow it up???? HELLO?????

And yeah he was always pissed about the batfam with Dick…but damn? Mid-rant his third eye opens wide as fuck as he sees it all play out.

Jason given Robin without Dick’s initial permission. The fact that Bruce adopted him. The double whammy of Jason dying after calling Dick and Bruce blaming Dick and hurting him. The hallucinations. The self-blame and desperation to protect any Robin that comes up next. The insane devotion to Bruce and to the family that has time and time again negatively affected Dick and his life. And he lets it ALL out on Jason. (His rant to Bruce will come once he learns about Spyral :) )

He’s screaming in his face. He’s throwing every shitty thing Jason has ever done at him and how no matter what, Dick always has another bone to throw, another straw to take on, more patience than a fucking saint. Well Roy refuses. He has no more fucks and a camel with a broken back and zero patience. He’s seen the fallout of what Jason did to Mia and Dick and god knows who else (so many people. He’s hurt so many people.) and he refuses to pretend any longer. He needs Jason to shut the fuck up and get over it already because Jesus fucking Christ Lian fucking died! Donna died! Garth died! Wally died! (Actually Wally’s gone through so much shit Roy can’t even begin to try to comprehend the extent of speedster bullshit no thank you.) Conner died! Joey and Hal Jordan and Barry Allen and so many other people they know and love have died.

JASON’S NOT EVEN THE ONLY ROBIN TO FUCKING DIE.

GET OVER IT MOTHERFUCKER! AND GET OVER YOURSELF! AND STOP MAKING DICK’S LIFE A LIVING HELL! AND WHILE HE’S AT IT: HOW ABOUT A FUCKING APOLOGY WHILE YOU GROVEL AT THE OG ROBIN’S FEET! OH AND GO BLOW YOURSELF UP FUCKING RED PILL HEADASS BITCH AND KEEP YOUR WEIRD DADDY ISSUES TO YOURSELF AND KEEP OLLIE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR DAMN MOUTH!

When he’s done everyone is staring in shock. No one can say anything. Dick can’t decide if he should be mad, proud, horrified, sick, ecstatic, or if he wants to crawl into a hole and disappear forever. Everyone else is shocked and horrified bc wtf? Jason did all of that? What??? THAT’S what Dick and Bruce were up against during their own respective Batman vs Red Hood bs? And Jason attacked Tim at Titans Tower and tried to kill Damian multiple times??? Jason himself is silent and stony faced and verging on attacking Roy right then and there or shooting him. Bruce can’t look anybody in the eye because he had no idea Dick hallucinated (still does?) Jason and still blames himself because those were throwaway lines he said in grief and anger and self-hatred. He had no idea Dick took everything he said to heart.

Anyways does anything come from this? Maybe? All Roy knows is that he can finally sleep easier having said his piece. He has a much needed night out with Wally and Dick afterwards where he and Wally try to convince Dick this was for the best. Maybe now Jason will reflect and realize that hey his actions were actually diabolical and he Should Stop. And maybe stop being such a freak (doubtful).

Roy doesn’t care. Roy is happy. Roy is at peace. Roy can now move on with his life. Hopefully Dick, Mia, and anyone else Jason fucked over can move on too.

[delta-orionis]

tell me abt your fucked up laptop

Oh god where do I even begin.

It looks normal at first glance, but this thing has been through hell.

I've easily had this laptop for over a decade at this point. I can't remember when I got it- 2014 or 2015 I think. When I first got it it was pretty beefy for the time but it's definitely showing its age now. It's pretty heavy and sturdy- I've definitely dropped it once or twice.

This thing got me through all of college. It worked well for a while, but in 2018 the hard drive died. To this day I'm convinced that a Windows update is what bricked it. Thankfully I was able to get the hard drive replaced on very short notice because I was literally leaving for an internship the next week. It behaved for the duration of the internship.

At some point the screen started to malfunction- it behaved for the picture I took, but it likes to randomly flicker and even cut out entirely. It eventually got so bad that I stopped taking it places with me, and I just hooked it up to an external monitor and keyboard on my desk.

I eventually had to replace both the power cable and battery because it was neither charging nor holding charge. That worked well for a while, but eventually that battery died as well. It currently has no battery, and is directly hooked up to wall power. If I unplug it, it instantly dies.

At some point during all this, Windows forced an update to Windows 10, which absolutely throttled this poor thing's performance. I think it might have actually shipped with Windows 7 but it's been ten years and I honestly cannot even remember. Either way, it was already chugging on Windows 8, and 10 wasn't much better. I think updating this laptop to Windows 11 will actually kill it.

At this point it permanently lives on my desk as a glorified desktop computer. I don't even keep the lid open anymore. The few times I've tried to lift or move it while it's turned on, it will decide to randomly freeze or shut down, so I try not to touch it.

I'm absolutely terrified that the hard drive will randomly die again, so I also have this laptop permanently hooked up to an external hard drive that backs up the entire computer on a regular basis.

Oh, and among all of these other issues, a few weeks ago it randomly started making some very loud and concerning noises upon startup. They eventually die down though so I'm ignoring it.

TL;DR, my laptop is actively dying and is basically hooked up to permanent life support. I refuse to let it die, at least until I can afford a new computer.

I have a second low-spec laptop that was given to me a while ago for free because it basically didn't work- it was trying to run Windows 10 and literally took more than 45 minutes to boot up. That's not an exaggeration. When it did boot up, it ran so slowly that it was basically unusable. I couldn't even use it to check my email. So basically I was allowed to keep it if I could even get it to work in the first place, it was going to be thrown out otherwise.

I was able to revive it by wiping it and installing Linux (Lubuntu, a lightweight version of Ubuntu, to be specific) on it, and now it works perfectly fine. When I actually need a portable laptop for something I just use my Linux laptop instead.

When I finally get a proper PC I fully intend to wipe my Windows laptop and install Linux on it the exact same way, just to squeeze a few more years out of it if possible. I will not allow this thing to die on my watch.

(P.S. Before anyone asks, I use Stylus for my custom tumblr dashboard theme. I use the Old Tumblr Dashboard and Custom Background themes.)

[chiliechicken]

𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐊𝐈 𝐊.┊★ you're seriously crying? Denki Kaminari x GN!Reader, Angst, OOC, Breakup, BF!Denki

Relationships were always so difficult. They were never decent and they were never fair for you. Relationships that you had always ended with your heart breaking into a million pieces once you've realized that it was never meant to be and that you only fooled yourself. Past boyfriends, past girlfriends, they all had left you disappointed and hurt.

You couldn't count how many times you had begged your exes to give you the bare minimum in a relationship. Stay loyal, engage in conversations, comfort one another, communicate through problems. The simple necessities in a relationship that somehow none of them gave a single damn to try.

It was frustrating. A lot of these relationships caused many of your problems now. You had trust issues due to exes cheating, inability to communicate due to them always shutting you down, trouble opening up because you forgot how to since they never listened to you, even the trouble of seeing worth within yourself since they always degraded you.

Then again, you still had a fault in all of it considering you never learned your lesson and stopped dating these types of people.

Even now, you haven't learned. Your current relationship is ass, sorry to say. At first, it was the best thing that has ever happened to you. Then it descends into the toxic waste you call the 3-month mark when true colors are finally revealed. It was always like this.

Right now, you were considering breaking up with your boyfriend for multiple reasons. He's been distant lately, refusing to engage in conversations with you and refusing to hangout with you whenever he's free. He's been prioritizing his friends more than you, leaving you feeling lonely and neglected.

"Denki, can you come over later?"

You asked your boyfriend as you walked up to him, interrupting his conversation with his classmates. He visibly frowns and looks at you, "I'm busy later." he replies in a whisper before looking back at his friends. "It's Saturday tomorrow. Can't you make time for me? It'll only be a few minutes, I swear." You plead with him, though he ignores you continues talking with his friends. "Denki?" You call out, no response. You sigh before quietly walking away in disappointment.

While you understand that he has the right to choose who he wants to be at the moment, you can't help but feel like he's been avoiding you a lot more recently. It kinda hurts you to be honest.

Even if you try to talk to him about whatever his interests were at the time, he still didn't want to chat with you for.. whatever the fuck reason he had that day. 'I'm busy', 'I'm not in the mood', 'I don't like explaining things', 'I don't like that anymore'. It's getting tiring having to watch him walk away from you to go to his friends and chat with them happily.

Sometimes whenever you try to grab his attention, he just either completely ignores you or gets mad at you for bothering him. He's always fine with other people bothering him, even when he's doing work. But when it comes to you, bothering him in any circumstance would just lead to him giving you a nasty look. He'll always tell you how you're being an attention-seeker, or that you're embarrassing him by pleading for a sliver of his time.

You were currently walking back to the dorms with your boyfriend and his friends, listening to their conversation and watching them laugh and joke around. You held onto his arm and walked alongside him with a smile on your face. Hanta, one of his closest friends, saw this and decided that he'd make a joke out of it. "Oh my gosh! Don't leave me out, love!" He dramatically exclaimed before snatching Denki's arm away from your hold, forcing you to step back.

Your boyfriend and his friends laughed at the scene and Denki looked at you with a huge grin on his face, but you didn't have the same pleasant expression. Other students looked at your group as you looked down at their interlocked arms. You looked back up at your boyfriend, wanting to slap off that fucking smirk off his face. But you resisted the urge to do so and stormed off.

Once you were back at your dorm, you managed to compose yourself and reflect on the situation. You didn't mind that their jokes were usually.. like that. You found it funny, actually. The mere thought of homies usually being affectionate with each other made you laugh. You weren't sure why today bothered you so much. It happened all the time, why was now different? You sighed and thought about it. Was it because it was physical? I mean, you got embarrassed, for sure. People watched it happen, they saw how you were just casted aside as your boyfriend and his friends laughed at you. Maybe it was the fact that Denki didn't even bother considering your feelings.

Gah! It was stressing you out. You let out a long breath before grabbing your phone and sending him a message about how you felt. It was only mature to at least tell him how much it bothered you, right? At least you wouldn't keep it suppressed and possibly make the situation worse for yourself.

You waited for an hour before he finally texted back. As you read the text, you couldn't help but feel your blood boil. 'You embarrassed me in front of my friends. Of course I'm mad at you.'

At this point, you weren't even sure you could be called his partner anymore because he's treating you so much like a loser of a friend who's desperate for any sort of human interaction.

He doesn't even text you anymore and you always have to be the one to make the first move to talk to him through a screen. Even then, he doesn't check your message at least an hour after you sent a text, waiting for a day or two to pass just to send you a dry message. He doesn't say 'I love you' anymore, he doesn't bother on comforting you whenever you're emotionally low, he doesn't play his favorite games with you anymore, he doesn't smile at you anymore...

Every time the two of you talk was always during arguments. He would always say how being in a relationship was stressing him out and how he wished he never liked you. It hurt. Real bad.

God, it was exhausting. You're putting all the effort into keeping this relationship alive while he just sits there and does nothing. Is this a rant? Yes.

As you lie on your bed, staring up at the ceiling, you were planning exactly how and when you were going to break it off with him. With your plan set in mind, you stood up and got ready for the day.

You ironed your uniform, took a shower, got dressed, and packed your book bag. Today you finally end your suffering as well as this putrid thing you call your relationship. You head to class and let the day pass quickly. You were nervous when school hours had ended. All day, you couldn't help but think about the possible outcomes from this.

What if he gets mad? What if he doesn't care? What if you cry? What if you suddenly back out?

Too late for that now. You shook your head and tried to clear your thoughts as you counted the steps it took to get to his classroom. Today would probably be the last time you'll be visiting this room for him, and you were happy to accept that.

You were nervous. So nervous. Your hands were shaking and you felt so lightheaded. Denki had never been that expressive towards you, so you were already expecting him to not even react one bit. That thought alone was driving you mad. It can't be like that, right? I mean, you've been together for.. months! He'd at least show a little emotion. You hoped.

Upon arrival at his classroom, you spot him sitting on his table as he talked with his classmate, Kyoka. You furrowed your brows at the sight, feeling jealousy beneath your feelings of resentment towards Denki. Kyoka's always been the better person between the two of you. That was your general opinion on her. She was better than you because she makes him laugh. She's the one he always talks to. She never made him upset. She always knew what to do with her feelings.

You were sure Denki liked her.

Shaking your head, you saw another one of their classmates, Mezo, and asked to excuse Denki. The boy nodded and called him over. As soon as he saw you his smile vanished, and it hit you hard. You waited to speak until he was in front of you, a few steps away and keeping his distance.

"Yeah..?"

You took a deep breath and ran your fingers through your hair, composing yourself before then looking him in the eyes. Oh, how you'll miss staring into them. They've lost their shine ever since you came around.

"Can we talk? In, uhm.. private."

Denki quirked his brow at the tone of your voice and crossed his arms. He hummed before grabbing your arm and leading you away from the classroom and towards the staircase. You instinctively pulled away as you got there, stepping back from him. You tried to maintain eye contact with him but eventually looked away, feeling yourself get nervous by the second.

"I don't think you're ready for a relationship yet. We're done."

He stared at you quietly with his expression slightly shocked. You waited for him to talk, to cry, to show some kind of response. None. You couldn't turn your face to see his. You wanted to but something within you advised you to not do so. You sigh, scratching your cheek while you spoke softly, "I-I'm sorry—"

"You can't be serious." Denki chuckled as he stepped closer to you, reaching out to hold your hand. "S-Stop.." you backed away and kept your hands to your chest, your brows furrowed in frustration. "Stop trying to touch me."

He looked at you as if you've lost your mind. He couldn't understand how you could break up with him. What did he do wrong? He gave you his all, what more did he lack? Why are you doing this to him?

Denki didn't even notice the salty tears streaming down his cheeks as he desperately tried to reach out to you, his hands shaking, "Y-You're kidding, right? You wouldn't actually say that, y-you... You can't leave me!" he stuttered out as he cupped your face in his hands, his voice cracking and his nervous grin faltering.

You slapped his hands away and pushed him back, glaring down at him, "Why are you crying..?" you asked with an almost venomous tone in your voice. You couldn't understand why he was crying. Isn't this what he wanted? With the way he was treating you, you were more than sure that he hated being in a relationship.

"Isn't this what you wanted? Why the fuck are you clinging to me?! Let me go!" you slapped him in the face when he got closer, the pain-filled sting on your palm lingering. You were starting to lash out. Confusion and hatred filled your mind as he continued to cry, begging for you to stay with him. Despite already hurting him both physically and emotionally, why does he still plead?

"P-Please!"

Why does he still want you to be with him?

"Let's talk this out. Don't you want that?"

Why won't he stop crying?

"[Name], please, please..."

Why couldn't you just walk away from this mess of a man?

You watched as he crumbled down to his knees, his hands holding onto your legs, begging for you to stay and forgive him, to continue being his.

"Y-You're the first person to accept me instead of rejecting me. You're the first one t-to like me!" Denki exclaimed, his nose and eyes red from crying and his body shaking.

You moved away from him and gripped your bag tighter. You were starting to feel lightheaded again as students in the hallway began to look at the two of you. You felt embarrassed this time instead of him. It felt new to you.

"What the hell is going on?"

The two of you snapped your heads to look where the voice came from. You saw his friends standing behind you, just a few feet away. They stared at you. They looked at you with expressions of confusion and anger.

"Denki! Dude, you good?" Mina exclaimed in concern, going over to pat his back. She knelt beside him and Denki immediately embraced her, crying into her shoulder. "Step back from him, that man doesn't need a hug. Get the fuck up, idiot. You're in the middle of a hallway." Katsuki spat harshly before gently kicking his legs, urging for him to stand up.

You watched the scene before you, feeling a sense of jealousy and betrayal. "You're such a fucking manchild, Kaminari. Grow a pair."

You stormed past his friends as you walked down the hallway and away from them. You could hear Denki yell out for you, but you ignored his words and continued to walk away. You felt a bit bad, leaving him there crying. But at the same time you felt so relieved finally being able to get out of that relationship.

★┊this is my longest oneshot because it's quite literally a rant about my ex and how I felt so shitty with him because he treated me so shittily(?)

not one of my best because of how OFF CHARACTER Denki is but I don't know who else to use because my ex acts a lot like him; social, jokester, flirty, and really friend-oriented

this is basically how shit went down except uhh, he didn't really cry and beg for me to stay, he just didn't say or do anything, just nodded and let me leave which hurts like bro say something, you ain't a statue

so uh yeah, sorry for the long hiatus, at least school is done and I can go back to posting, thanks yall

[sprunkimortality]

HEY IM BACK sorry I was in a Mentor session XD

Anyways, I'm still deciding lore for Axby rn, so don't expect anything permanent.

Since you mentioned SiVior is too lonely to leave any of his friends behind, so perhaps he and Axby were either forcefully separated or something else happened between them

I feel there's a tiny bit of jealousy with Axby towards SiVior. Like a "Why I am I falling behind but he's fine" sorta jealousy. That's why she loves Abby so much - they're both outcasts.

I feel Axby has a different attachment style than SiVior. She is also very lonely, but unlike SiVior, she can tolerate being alone for longer until she can't take it anymore.

But that's all I got for now. If you've got any suggestions or questions about her, ask away!

Little does she know . he's also "falling behind"

SIVIOR LORE DROP BELOW THE CUT!!!

he actually learned to keep a stable form late in life because back when he was a child . he had a stability problem . all his forms would end up fucked and as a result his parents had lost hope in him

he had been trying. he had been TRYING so hard. all they tell him is to try harder try harder but he IS trying harder

his brother, The Black Shark, once also had some issue with stability too. but he grew out of it quicker than SiVior did. SiVior could never hate his brother, so he was happy for him, but by god did it hurt seeing his parents acknowledge Shark's efforts while he was just in the sidelines. watching. waiting

(sidenote: all the figures in here are SiVior and his siblings. he refuses to draw his parents.)

when he did finally get a stable form thanks to his Sprunki World hyperfixation, he was excited to show his family. why wouldn't he? he's finally done it, he made a form that didnt break early or had extra limbs or fucked up faces or any flaws at all.

but even with his stability on full display, all they told him was,

"you picked that for your form?"

...he didn't regret moving out later on.

no one acknowledged him when he was doing good. they only saw him as the troublesome child. the dumb child. the child that could never get things right.

the only one who saw him for who he really is was Shark.

at this point, that's all that mattered to him.

[bloodanddiscoballs]

hello please have this crow playing with a tiny red berry I saw the other day so you can experience another positive thing today:)

aww!!!!! that's so cute omg ( ノ´ω`) I love corvids they're so curious it's absolutely adorable♡♡♡

thank you so much my dear friend (*^3(*^o^*) it means a lot you have no idea. I am hoping that my Friday will be more productive and kinder to me than what yesterday was.

Medical Update:

The hospital and I both reached out to my pain management guy starting Tuesday afternoon (after 6 days of not hearing from him even though he knew I was in hospital). We needed him to be aware of the changes the hospital has made to my pain medications so that he could then change my prescription and write for me once I am discharged from the hospital. The hospital had sent over the faxed documents Wednesday morning once we discussed being discharged Thursday.

After many calls and texts through the patient portal, my hospital doctor FINALLY gets a nurse practitioner on the phone at 3pm Thursday, who then acts as a middle man. This entire time, no one on our end has actually gotten to speak to my doctor, and he refuses to take the time to actually speak to the hospital (again! he knows I'm here due to my crippling chronic pain). He agrees to change the immediate release pain medication to match what they have me on here in the hospital, but he doesn't like the change they've made to my extended release pain medication. While I understand that, instead of then talking to my hospital doctor, he decides to just change me to fentanyl patches instead of the extended release pill I'm on. I can not do fentanyl patches because even on the lowest dose, I end up with Serotonin Syndrome. A fact that is in my medical chart, by the way.

So the hospital tells me all this and then says I should call and try to resolve this as they can't play telephone. It is 3:30pm when I call and get the nurse practitioner on the line, and I explain that the change he made isn't gonna work. I ask if my pain management doctor would be willing to do a lower does of the extended or just keep me on what he has for that one. The nurse practitioner tells me she's gonna go ask. She comes back on the line in a minute and tells me "Sorry he's just left for the day. You'll need to call back on Monday." I'm obviously confused and ask if they can please get ahold of him so that we can fix this because AGAIN: I'm in the fucking hospital. She tells me there is no possible way to contact him after hours and he doesn't work Fridays anymore so I have to wait until Monday morning. But they did "send out the changes made" (no they didn't btw because I get a notification from their system when they send over medications)

So now I'm screwed. Unless those medications get sent over in the morning, I absolutely can not leave the hospital until Monday at the earliest. And even if they DO send those medications over, I will only have the immediate release pain medication to actually use. My hospital doctor told me he would come by in the morning today with the nurse who has been helping me this whole time so that we can discuss the plan of action. If the pain management doctor sends over those meds, there is a possibility that the doctor here at the hospital will at least write me a short prescription for the extended release pain medication that will get me through until my appointment with Pain Management on Wednesday the 2nd (this coming week/the earliest they could fot me in) but if he cannot write me for that long then I need to stay in the hospital over the weekend and we will reconvene after I'm able to contact my pain management doctor.

All of this was so stressful, which just made my pain flare up more today. Unfortunately, there were a ton of issues getting my pain medications on time here today, so I ended up back at crying levels of pain. Thankfully, my night nurse has worked with me to get me back under control, but it's taken her entire shift to do so.

I'm upset. This is costing so much, and it all could have been completely avoided if my pain management doctor had just been willing to do his job in the first place. But to have him continuously show just how much he doesn't give a fuck is so mind blowing to me cause like... Fine if you don't want to do a good job when it's just him and I, I can understand that. It wouldn't be the first time. But MOST doctors don't like to look back in front of their colleagues/other people in the medical profession, especially to those who work in such a highly regulated and documented place like a hospital (and even more particularly, the hospital that I'm currently at that has a known reputation for being suuuuuper anal about everything) So I'm just blown away. On the positive side, now the professionals that I'm being seen by here understand just what I've been working with for the last 6 months or so because my pain management doctor didn't always used to be like this. But this is how he is now. And it is completely unacceptable.

[runa-falls]

Congrats on your milestone, em!!! 🥳💖

If you feel so inspired, I'd like to request a blurb using the following prompt:

“this isn’t what i had in mind when i yelled fuck you.” + Poe Dameron 👀

Thank youuuu 💕

hihi whitney :3 thanks for joining in! this one is a bit longer than a blurb but i can't help it!

cw: smut (18+), friends (with minimal benefits)-to-lovers, jealous!poe, angst, alcohol, fluff?, fingering, hickies, panty sniffing (IDK WHERE TF THIS STUFF I COMING FROM ??), kissing, anddd not proof read

wc: 2.3k (???)

a/n: honestly poe is kinda an asshole in some of this but imma connect it to his commitment issue bc he's afraid to lose the reader idk

--

poe has never given you a straight answer about the two of you, and for a while it didn't matter.

for a bulk of your friendship, there's been the ongoing war between the first order and the resistance, so there was never time to sit down and talk about it, or take it any further than what it was.

and what is was, was a pair of kissing friends.

it's confusing. the words "kissing" and "friends" don't usually go together. either it's a 'mistake' or a gateway to a different kind of relationship, but you've been stuck in this middle area for months.

the war is over now and you won, but you haven't moved an inch.

this confusion, this fuzzy line between friends and lovers, has been weighing on you.

poe gives you those eyes, that intense stare, the one that makes you feel like the only girl in the universe, but then he openly flirts with officers, fellow pilots, and mechanics that work on his ship, buying them a drink and sitting real close to them, right in front of you.

poe kisses you, tastes you, like you're the finest wine in coruscant, like he's trying to memorize your flavor because each kiss could be his last, but then he tells you he's not ready for a relationship, he's too busy, he doesn't want to ruin the friendship that you have.

now, you're done waiting for him. you've tried to be patient and understanding, to give him time to figure things out, but he's been drawing it out, painfully, and you refuse to just sit there and watch.

you decided to finally take up voren na'al's offer of a date. he's a cute guy and you've worked with him throughout the war. you figure you might as well give him a chance, if only to take your mind off of poe.

you slip on a simple dress, something that makes you feel 10x cuter than the usual resistance uniform that the base usually sees you in. you're not going anywhere fancy, just the local pub to grab a drink and hang out.

--

it's quite crowded when you get there, though everywhere's been pretty crowded since the war ended. now there's more time for leisure, to enjoy life, without worrying about another attack.

the bar is full of bustling bodies, loud conversations, and moving glasses of jet juice, tihaar, and vosh. you're barely able to squeeze into a small table with how many standing bodies surround you.

"you look really nice tonight!" voren basically has to yell for you to hear him.

"thanks, a bit of an upgrade from my usual--"

"what?!"

"i said, a bit of an--"

voren gets up and decides to just stand next to you while you sit on the barstool instead. "sorry, i didn't realize this place would be so packed tonight..." he's close, almost leaning into you as he speaks at a normal volume.

"no, no, it's fine! I'm happy to see that the whole resistance is enjoying their weekend."

"let me get you a drink, yeah?"

"alright, i'll take...nikta with some soda."

"gotcha." he leaves you and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

you've finally decided that it's too lively in this bar for you. the overlapping voices and cheers overwhelm your brain as you desperately try to get comfortable as a party of one in a sea of thousands.

how can you feel so alone in a room full of people?

this is a bit harder than you thought it would be. for some reason it just feels wrong to be on this date, despite not having any exclusivity with poe in the first place.

"gods, i thought that guy would never leave!"

speak of the devil.

"poe."

he steps closer to you, smoothly walking through the crowd that's nearly trapping you at your table. his face is pink, flushed from alcohol and the heat of the bar, and his eyes are glazed with untethered delight.

he says your name, draws it out with the slur of his tongue. his eyes glance at your attire, a dress he's never seen before. actually, he's never seen you in a dress, ever. "so you have a little boyfriend now?"

where did he even come from?

usually you'd know if he were at the bar, he has a whole entourage of people that like to follow him around. in fact, you'd know if he were in any room because of the loud cheers that constantly accompany the resistance's favorite flyboy.

"this is our first date actually." you hope you sound casual, despite having to raise your voice to be heard over the noise. you try to bite your tongue before you could ask, but you can't. you need to know. maybe it'll make this easier for you. "...are you here with someone?"

"i was, but i ditched them." you heart lurches and warmth quickly pools in your stomach. it's pathetic how easily he can make you feel special, but the doesn't linger on that thought for long. "does your boyfriend know you kiss your friends?"

you sit back at his words, shocked that he's deciding to bring this up now. "ok, where is this coming from?"

"i just feel like i would want to know if my girlfriend was seeing other people." you frown, genuinely confused.

"well, i'm not."

"you...aren't?"

"poe, what--"

"you're telling me that this," he points between the two of you, "meant nothing?"

"why are you bringing this up?"

"because a second ago, i thought we had an understanding but then i see you in this short dress going on a date with some logistic's dweeb!"

you roll your eyes, "his name is voren and unlike you, he's not making me decipher any understandings. he asked me on a date and i agreed."

"and you still kiss me."

"i kissed you and then i got tired of waiting for you to kiss back."

"i just don't get how you move on so easily when what we hasn't even ended."

"oh, fuck you, poe. it never even started!"

"hey...is this a bad time..." voren is back with the drinks, staring at the two of you awkwardly as the glasses of iced alcohol begin to sweat in his hands.

you both speak at the same time:

"no, voren, you're fine."

"yeah, if you wouldn't mind, we're dealing with something right now."

he nods his head slowly, understanding what's happening. he sets the drinks down on the table. "look, i'll see you back at the base, just text me when you want to meet up again." he walks to the exit of the bar and you try to call for him, but it's no use with the wall of people between you.

"look what you did, you ruined my date!"

"wasn't much of a date from the looks of things."

"ugh, you asshole!" you hop off your seat, grab your stuff, and rush through the crowd. maybe you can catch up to him if you get out fast enough. swaying bodies threaten pull you back into the tide as you attempt to escape, but you push through, determined to get the fuck out of there.

the cool air is refreshing when you finally shove the door open, it's almost a bit chilly compared to the building you came out of. you scan the area, trying to get a glimpse voren walking home but you don't see a single person.

"come back, honey, you shouldn't be out here alone."

you don't even have to look back to know who it is.

"i'd rather be alone than with you."

"you don't mean that." a hand gently pulls at your shoulder to make you turn around and face him. a warm hand cups your jaw as he regards your upset expression, his thumb comfortingly gliding over your cheek. you can't help but lean into his familiar touch. "this is why i never wanted to change what we had. i was trying to be smart, for both our sakes."

"by pushing me away? by leading me on?" your voice comes out in a whisper, but it's so quiet in these empty streets that it didn't matter.

"by keeping it simple, safe."

"i can't do it anymore, poe. you can't just expect me to be content with what you give. i need more."

"i know, baby, i was just scared. you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and i didn't want to lose you."

"but the war is over."

"not for me. i'll always be a fighter and i'll always have my battles. sometimes i can't be there for you like i should be, i can't be the boyfriend you deserve, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it any less." he rests his forehead on yours, holding you close to him in the middle of the sidewalk. "i didn't want you to leave me so i decided to never give you the chance."

"and now?"

"now, i don't want to think about what could happen tomorrow or the day after that. i've wanted you since forever and i want you now." he leans in, his nose nudging yours, "do you?"

"you know i do." you giggle softly, a grin spreading on your face.

you tilt your face up and capture his lips, slowly moving against him, savoring this moment. he places a hand at the back of your neck and pulls you in closer, showing you all his love as his soft lips mold over yours.

---

the walk back to base was a blur of soft smiles and quiet words as you traveled hand-in-hand. poe offered you his jacket after seeing you shiver and you reveled in the feeling of the heavy leather over your shoulders. you're both so giddy like a couple of teens that have been crushing on each other for eons.

when you got to the entrance of the main building you both paused for a second and an unspoken question hung in the air. is this the end of the night?

"come over to mine."

you surprise yourself with your bold offer. it was blurted out before you could really think it through.

"is that really a good idea?"

isn't it?

you've been placed at an arm's length from the man you've wanted since you showed up at the base and you've gotten his affection, his touch, and his kiss, but never more. and you want more.

"i want you. i-i mean, i want you to come over..."

he smirks like the asshole he is.

"alright, lead the way."

---

heated kisses are planted down from your jaw and all along your neck. splotches of purple already litter the silky skin, but he's still hungry for more.

poe barely got into the room before you rushed over to him and practically attacked him with a kiss. luckily his pilot reflexes helped him catch you and pull you against his body with finesse.

he laid you out on your bed and crawled over you, wanting to taste every part of you that he been denying himself from. his hands smooth over your curves, groping your tits and your waist as he makes his way down.

fingers tug your dress over your thighs and reveal the suggestive underwear you wore for your date.

he raises an eyebrow, "this for me, or him?"

"for myself, actually...but i guess you can enjoy them too." he pinches your thigh teasingly and you yelp out a giggle.

"fucking brat. you know what," he pulls them off easily, "i will enjoy them." poe crumples up your delicate lace in one hand while holding you down with another. you attempt cross your legs as you watch him bring them up to his face and breathe in your scent, but they're forced open by a strong hand. "mm...my sweet little girlfriend is so needy for me, hm?" you can feel him against your leg, hard and prominent under his pants.

you squirm under him, nearly dripping slick all over your sheets at his words. his girlfriend.

poe brings his hand up to your face, slowly tracing your lips with his index finger. "open up, honey." he groans as you let him slip between your lips. you suckle at his finger while staring up at him, your tongue flicking the tip every so often. "that's right...good girl." he adds another finger and watches you with half-lidded eyes, imagining that it's his cock you're sucking, nearly choking around it.

he pulls them out and reached between your bodies. you whimper as the cool slickness is pressed against your pussy. he runs them through the seam of your cunt, prodding gently against your entrance.

his eyes watch your facial expressions shift when he pushes them in, drinking in every minute sound and move that you make. you let out a broken moan as he curls his fingers inside of you and starts moving, rubbing right against your g-spot.

he whispers encouraging words as you start to shake under him, already so close to the edge. "that's it, sweetheart," he speeds up and vulgar sounds of your dripping cunt fill the room, "cum all over my fingers."

you whine as you reach you climax, pussy fluttering around his still moving fingers. your back arches at the intense pleasure and you wrap your legs around his arm.

his movements stop and he pulls away. you hide your face under your arms as he starts to lick his fingers clean, suddenly embarrassed by his shameless actions.

"what?" he chuckles, "am i not allow to taste my girlfriend?"

"you know, this isn't what i had in mind when i yelled fuck you." you breath out, referring to your heated talk at the bar.

"i know baby, you want my cock don't you? we'll get there once you recover."

with a flushed face, you give him an appalled look, "poe!"

[topgunruinedme]

Slow Ride

Summery:

The younger man huffed gently biting his lower lip and purred, the soft worlds rolling off his lips in a way that should not have felt as attractive as they were. “Now dear, what is a pretty little thing like you doing in here hiding behind a desk” he pouted gently, “You’re robbing everyone the chance to get an eyeful” his eyes dragged down in a purposefully slow heavy motion “And i would very much like one”. He blinked. Then again. Throat clicking as the pen clattered to the desk from his lax fingers in surprise as he took in the younger man infront of him. Black hair, sharp green eyes, a libido bigger than an entire continent and a cocky attitude?   “Maverick?”

In which Iceman get de-aged and decide to terrorise Cyclone, lover style.

Rule one. Don't date your coworkers. 

Rule two. If you have a painful life altering crush on said rumoured married coworker, don’t make it obvious.

These were rules he abided by. Something he created when he first walked into his first Top Gun class and realized that his teacher was not only The Iceman, but that he would spend the next four weeks coming toe-to-toe with him in the air being pushed to his limits both physically, mentally, and consciously. He has never had to express as much self-control as he did in those four weeks of his career with the sheer amount of effort it took not to leer, drool, or make an idiot of himself, and in fact if it hadn't been for his Rio, Solomon, he probably would have combusted into a flustered ball and be working as a Starbucks barista by now. Instead he was now a respected Admiral who had meetings on monthly bases with said crush, which only grew over the years as the man's hair turned grey as they both aged. Not that the fact they were both older had anything to do with how flustered the man still made him when the man caught him off guard with a lewd comment. He had seen the man shark-like grin far too many times then he would like to count to believe it was truely accidental or innocent, the man had leaned over at inopportune times of important meeting to 'compare notes' just for an excuse to get closer so he could startled him with an inappropriate joke that made his ears tip turn pink. 

But the man must like him a little bit because out of anyone in the Navy he was the one that Ice has dumped his rugrat of a husband on him, despite knowing fully well of his opinion or lack of on the man. 

Where Iceman was serious and controlled at times he was also kind and packed a dry sense of rumor. Talking to him could feel like standing infront of your boss knowing you just fucked up and were getting the arse-cewing of your life or fired, or it could feel like a friend you havn’t seen in a while that your catching up with. A man who you could come to with an issue and Ice would sit across from you and help you find a solution. 

Then there was Maverick. And he was well…a maverick. Impulsive, dangerous, insubordinate. The man was brash, loyal to a heart, but a danger to the Navy in everything except the air. He was passionate and precise and all his risks were deadly but they only ever usually endangered himself. He was infuriating. Arrogant. And the dick held a damn grudge longer than he's seen anyone and it's hilarious to see how quickly the man can get under Cain's skin. But he didn't trust him as far as he could throw him. 

The man may have somehow tricked the Iceman, Thomas Kazansky, top of his class, valedictorian, first place winner of Top Gun and the Commander of the Pacific Fleet to marry him- supposedly because he never did really get a confirmation .  

But he wasn't going to allow himself to fall for that innocent woe look at me act Maverick threw at him, no matter how often the man gave his coy looks or batted his eyelashes. He wasn't going to fold god dammit. He refused to be manipulated. He was stronger than Iceman. 

It was difficult enough seeing Iceman on a monthly basis finally settling into a nice lull of work and play when Maverick was thrown at him. Now his days revolved around completing extra paperwork Maverick produced and periodically checking around base to make sure nothing was on fire and that there's been no subtraction or addition to the daggers since his last check 15 minutes ago. 

Turns out Iceman failed to mention in his handover the fact that Mitchell had a terrible case of adopting everything that walks. He was 90% sure he had at least one more medical team then what he started with, and at least half a engineering department swarming his tarmac that he was absolutely sure he never approved transfer forms for.

Maverick was going to give him an ulcer at this point, the slightest thought of Maverick wandering around unsupervised gave him enough anxiety to sink a carrier. 

Normally he would be able to push past it, drag his feet until the end of the day then collapse in his off base housing and limit himself to a much needed drink before forcing himself to finish of whatever work he had left after fixing whatever demographic issue Maverick caused for the day before passing out and doing it all over again the next day. 

However it seemed like nothing was going his way today. 15 years running and he’s never fucked up this badly before:

Rule one, don’t date your coworkers. Ticked and signed. There wasn't exactly a great looking pool to begin with in the Navy besides a select few who were either Married or were certain to cause a scandal at some point and other then that he hadn’t been in the dating pool for at least seven years after the messy divorce with his wife Clarence.

Rule two, don’t be obvious. Considering he’s spending most of his time doing damage control and holding his head above the water during Kazansky personal calls he could confidently say he was rocking that one.

So why had his world quite literally been demolished around him in a violent tornado in the shape of a familiar green eyed pilot?

It had been fine, until it hadn't been. He had managed to arrive earlier than expected on base and took time to enjoy a cup of coffee without any of his kids rushing around yelling that they would be late to school, or telling him about school projects due two hours later. He had managed to conquer a pile of documents that’s been sitting on his desk for the last week by 10:30, suffering through a financial meeting (mostly about Mavericks plane allowance) until 11:45 before tragedy struck. 

He had been poring over some reports when the door to his office opened and someone made a pleased noise, stepping into the office without a care in the world.

His gaze jumped up to meet the sharp green eyes of towards the door reprimand already on his lips to tear the lieutenant barging into his office a new one, the rebuke on the end of his tongue stilled, barbs settling back into his own throat at the sight of a younger man; early twenties, black hair messed up as if the man had tried to hand comb it. The man swaggered forward with an easy grin. His green eyes shamelessly dragging down his body, seemingly confident. The man’s uniform sat tight around his chest and shoulders as if it was fitted to him, he dragged his eyes towards the man's shoulder flicking over the rank; Captain . 

The rank screamed at him from the man's shoulder, a rank far too advanced for someone his age. 

The man seemed immensely pleased at catching him in a rare moment alone approaching the desk boldly completely bypassing the seats that were placed specifically in front of the desk in such a particular way that it was supposed to dissuade people from the idea of approaching. The man placed his palms on the desk leaning forward getting in his face forcing him to lean backwards slightly as he narrowed his eyes at the intruder who looked him up and down openelly leering at him. 

What. the. Fuck. 

The man's biceps flexed from where he was holding himself and the tight fabric around his arms did not help the body appeal it gave him, the attractive way the man made each movement with almost a lingering seductive air around him, peering at him through half lids a sultry grin on his lips eyes dropping down to take in his half bent form over the desk where he had been working, frozen as he had watched the man approached with an air of disbelief idly wondering if he needed to get a physiological check or if he just finally had a mental break. His fingers twitched, itching to get the bottle of whiskey from his bottom desk drawer and skull it as an excuse to get away from whatever this was…

The younger man huffed gently biting his lower lip as purred, the soft worlds rolling off his lips in a way that felt as attractive as they were. “Now dear, what is a pretty little thing like you doing in here hiding behind a desk” he pouted gently “You’re robbing everyone the chance to get an eyeful” his eyes dragged down in a purposefully slow heavy motion “And i would very much like one”.

He blinked. Then again. Throat clicking as the pen clattered to the desk from his lax fingers in surprise as he took in the younger man infront of him. Black hair, sharp green eyes, a libido bigger than an entire continent and a cocky attitude?

“Maverick?” 

“That's my name sweetheart, don't wear it out” the man's grin widened, “That is unless you want to scream it for me”. 

What. the. Fuck. 

Maverick. Mav. Famed aviator. Maverick Mitchell. Captain Mitchell. 

How did this happen? What didn't he know anything about this? Maverick was an instructor under his care, a man he had under 24/7 surveillance via Hondo (although now he was questioning where the man's loyalties truly laid) he should be receiving reports by the hour. His instructor who had previously been only 5 years older than himself, only two years apart from competing at Top Gun, suddenly becoming a 20 something year old seemed like a pretty major security risk that he would have assumed he would have been informed about the very moment it happened. 

He was honestly astounded that the man hadn't already been collected by his wingman and shipped over state lines until the man figured out how this happened. 

“Cat get your tongue darling? Don't worry, I can lend you mine”. 

His breath caught in his throat and his chest stuttered as Maverick  moved shamelessly closer, stalking around the desk. Oh fuck . He pushed his chair back from the desk as the younger man grew closer in an attempt to put space between them, Maverick gave him an amused tilt of his head but instead of be-lining for him like he had been afraid of,  he perched his perky arse on the edge of his desk in front of him before lifting himself up onto it effortlessly. 

This was insane. Was Maverick seriously coming onto him right now? 

That was a dumb question. This was Maverick. The resident little shit who lived to make his life difficult. A man who would stand in front of him waiting until he finished chewing him out to offer to get them some off base coffee while they go through lesson plans with a small sly smile, the same smile that greeted him on the slightly younger version of himself,  only this time it was paired with something much more dangerous. The man gave him a knowing smile as he spread his legs, fabric stretching and clinging to the man's thick muscular thighs putting them on display wantonly. His breath shuttered in response as he swallowed down the lust that tried to rise at the very willing younger man flaunting his body in front of him. 

He was his subordinate. His aviador. 

He was his boss’s partner. 

He was… Maverick.  

He was young. Far younger than he had been when he saw him yesterday afternoon standing in this very room where he had been staring past him at the notch in the wall until he had been red in the face yelling at the man for another flyby. 

He was Icemans. His partner, his wingman, his husband. At least that's what he thought he was, no normal friends bickered like an old couple argued quite like they did. 

He swallowed thickly, eyes drawn back to the strong thighs before him, eyes trailing over the inner seam of the man's trousers that looked stretched like they were struggling to uphold their duty. Maybe he wasn't stronger than Iceman after all.  

Maverick ignored his inner turmoil giving him an easy smile that bloomed attractively on his face and the smug tilt to it meant he clearly knew what he was doing, using his body to his advantage to get what he wanted as he proceeded to fluster him. He swallowed stepping back trying to put more distance between them only for a tight grip to wrap around his wrist roughly tugging him forward, he stumbled slightly as the grip yanked him closer until he ended up between the man's spread thighs barley a hair away from grabbing the man's thighs and feeling the muscle beneigh the fabric twitch in anticipation. Maverick tilted his head back, chin jutting forward as he revealed the milky white throat clear of any marks as he gave him a sly look from where he was practically under him. 

“Running away sweetheart? Well I do like a good chase…”

His hand darted to the one around his wrist as he dug his nails into his own skin ignoring the pinch as he tried to wrench the man's fingers from his skin, it was useless, his grip was tight and it seemed as if nothing would separate them other than the own man's will. 

“Captain, release me” he warned slowly tugging on the man's wrist again only growing more frustrated as the man's grip tightened. 

Maverick rested back at ease, hardly blinking at their positioning. “And let a catch like you go? No chance,” the man snorted “I gotta get you before Ice sinks his teeth into you and trust me,” the man bit his lips “He likes to bite”. 

He blanched slightly, body jerking at the comment and his mind blanked temporarily. Holy fuck, he was learning far too much about his boss’s sexual relationships, and he had no interest in whatever bet these two had going. Even if it did end up with him wedged between them pinned by Maverick’s gaze and hands trailing down his body while Ice curled around his back hand pressed against his stomach obsessively as he trailed bites down his neck-

His dick twitched against his thigh. Right, shit. Young Maverick. Maverick was still propositioning him. He had to fix this, and quickly, before Iceman stormed in and demanded what he did to his precious wingman. He'd rather live. 

“He always did love to get carnage knowledge, it was his specialty you see. In clubs, on base, it gave him some sort of thrill, and well…I can't say it doesn't do the same for me” Maverick’s thumb brushed against his wrist no doubt feeling the way his pulse jumped the man's lips pulled tighter amusement shining in them, “I have no doubt Mr goodie-two-shoes has his eyes on you because damn . He'd be a fool not too”. 

“Captain-”

“Yes Admiral?” the little shit purred, his leer intensifying as his foot brushed against his outer thigh and it almost made him jump out of his skin. Maverick made a noise of interest, his gaze jumping to his throat watching it jump, “Don't tell me you're a goodie-two-shoes too, a rule sticker. Do I need to corrupt you sweetheart?” His foot brushed against him again this time higher as the man tugged him closer they bumped together the thin wood of the desk barley separating them as Maverick - surprisingly flexible - hiked his leg up on his hip, heel pressing into his lower back no doubt wrinkling his uniform as he tugged him closer trying to fuse them together. 

He gritted his teeth, “Captain Mitchell, this is inappropriate behavior-”

“Dont tell me your a virgin” the man sounded delighted, “Never fucked at work before, dear lord I tell you that was the first thing Ice does when he’s promoted-” fuck now thats the only thing hes ever going to remember when he goes to report to the man “-I think we've had more sex in those offices then he's done work in them” Maverick cackled. “Come on Admiral, let loose have some fun” the man's lips brushed against his ear “Help me desecrate the office”. 

Maverick's sly look glanced down slightly as he tilted his neck back stretching up towards his breath brushing against his own mingling with halted anticipation that he had half the mind to endure. There was a brief moment of hesitation on his part when he registered a commotion just before the door to his office slammed open, suddenly offering him a brief chance to drag himself out of the enchanting spell he had found himself entrapped in. Taking the chance of Maverick’s surprise to yank himself away from the man, barely getting the chance to put more than a foot of space between them, still held captivated from the man's grip on his wrist which didn't seem to be releasing anytime soon. He felt the man's pulse beneigh his fingertips, the way it raced almost kissing against the soft skin of his wrist as a group of aviators stumbled into his office. 

“Admiral-”

“-Cyclone-”

“-Have you seen-”

“Oh” 

He swallowed. “Does no one know how to knock these days?” While his voice was miraculously somewhat steady, he still sent the daggers a semi-panicked stare peering at them from over Maverick’s shoulder. They looked ruffled, clearly having tried their hand at babysitting the man but what threw him for a loop was the tall blond standing proudly beside them, carefully put together, from his sharp blue eyes to the frosted tips and the famous cold expression of a very unimpressed Iceman staring him down. 

Oh double fuck . 

Admiral Kazansky stared down at him equally as young, perhaps a few years older than his counterpart and just as equally attractive. Two of his lifelong crushes in a room together looking absolutely delectable. 

Dear lord, why was Iceman staring at him like he was a piece of meat being fed to a starving carnivore, like a prey to a ravenous lion, a prey to be hunted. 

His eyes flickered back to the daggers in the doorway. The small group looked haggard. Trace looked irritated; her hair had been pulled out of its bun into a hasty ponytail that had a few stray strands carded down her neck. Garcia appeared nervous peering over the woman's shoulder unlike the others he was still in uniform, his khakis pressed as if he had never made it to the locker room. Despite his put together appearance he still looked as if he felt out of place, switching from foot to foot. Meanwhile Seresin stood before them, as if he was the leader of their segment, they looked as if they had spent the morning running around looking for the very man who held him in his clutches. Seresin ran his hand through his hair looking far too exacerbated than he should at this hour of the day, his flight suit was wrapped messily around his waist, a writing pad wedged between the man's hip and suit as if he had been preparing for today's lesson. The man sighed heavily, meeting his gaze tiredly almost agreeing with his silent hysteria “Yeah…it's been a long morning sir”.

He allowed for a strangled noise to leave his lips as he glanced between the two seductive men. Maverick had left his perch to lean back on his palm shifting further on the desk, spreading out in a more revealing stance than he was previously. His thighs still spread, almost invitingly, the new position placed all his weight on his bicep putting stress on his chest as the man shamelessly pressed his chest out encouraging him to look. Throwing him a slightly sly look before tilting his head back lazily with an easy grin as he caught the gaze of his friend. “Hey Ice”. 

“Trouble” Ice murmured giving him a fond look as he stepped forward approaching the otherside of the desk allowing Maverick to almost lean on him as he placed his own palms on the desk almost perfectly mirroring Maverick mere moments ago. “I left you alone for two seconds and you're already chasing tail” the man teased gently a gentle look appearing as he looked down at the man hovering over Maverick with no hesitation but rather with ease as if this was common practice between the two, the lack of personal boundaries and the ability to touch freely. 

Ice lifted a hand and it curled around the back of the smaller man's neck tugging him further backwards, fingers curling in the man's hair causing a half groaned moan to slip passed Maverick’s lips as his head was tilted backwards and Ice claimed his lips in a possessive kiss; the stunning blue eyes engulfed in a passionate possessiveness that targeted his own and failed to detach almost screaming at him to make a move, to challenge them, as Ice forced him to watch as he staked his firm claim. 

Without any further prompting Maverick sank into Ice’s arms with a happy noise, the two man seemed to ignore the world around them as mav leaned further in an attempt to form into the man who cradled him in his palms without giving an inch to releasing his own grip on his wrist refusing to yield demanding both of their attention as he attempted to press further into his partners hold. Ice fingers wrapped around the man's hair tighter with a visible fervid need as he pressed his lips against the other man's tighter releasing his own soft noise of content as he felt Maverick submit under him giving him his body to his will. Ice pulled away and Mav chased him unashamed as he whined out in protest as he stretched in an attempt to recapture the man's lips as he panted, Ice lips tipped up in amusement but refused to allow the man to remount his lips. Mav pouted, rolling his eyes at the man’s antics as if he knew exactly what the man’s show was for, but any lingering irritation he had with the man quickly faded as he gave Ice a giddy smile in response to his affection, “Gotta get a head start somewhere”. 

“So you admit I'm the better pilot?” Ice murmured eyes lingering on the man eyes trailing over him appreciatively as if tracing the familiar lines of the man's body cataloging them for later to recall of the fondest of times.

Maverick snorted, clearly still absorbed in their own world, similarly trapped within Iceman's siren call as he had been with Maverick, unable to pull away far too enchanted by the man’s appeal. Ice tilted his head lightly still cradling the man gently as Maverick stared up at him with a soft grin probing him, “In your dreams. I just admit that while you can get them to fall at your feet, I need to butter them up a little”.  

Iceman hummed slightly, gaze breaking away from his lovers and zeroed in on his dragging it up latches onto his almost studying him. It made his skin prick, almost like a scalpel running over his skin in careful precise slices waiting for him to bleed out. 

“Admiral Kaznasky” he greeted roughly under the man's perusal, trying to resist the urge to salute. The man’s cutting gaze never left his own as the man's eyes trailed over him; taking in his uniform, the slight stain on his finger from the pen, and the way he held himself stiffly at the desk. His hand flexed when he realized the man focused on how he was practically between his wingman's legs which were still seductively spread and he felt the urge to step away. Like far away, a different content maybe. 

“Simpson” Iceman drawled dryly. 

Maverick let out an unhappy noise clearly annoyed with the lack of attention as he sat up pulling away from Iceman’s grip as he reached out towards him with his now remaining free hand. He stiffened when fingers wrapped around his chin tugging him forward and he had to place a hand on the desk beside the man to prevent himself from stumbling as Maverick forced his gaze back onto him. Intense heavy gaze bleeding into his giving him a stern frown voice dark with disapproval “Come back here darling, I wasn't done talking to you”. 

He swallowed thickly, very aware of the stare of everyone in the room. The feeling of drowning under being displayed so humiliatingly in front of his lieutenants as well as the suffocating feeling of Iceman. As well as the man's partner who he watched shamelessly flirting with him. He almost wanted to close his eyes and wait for the man to swing his executioner's axe. He raised his hand coming up to the man's wrist pressing his thumb into the ligament just between the radius and ulna under the wrist until the man hissed slightly and released his grip. “Get him out of here, and for fuck sakes keep an eye on them” he croaked suddenly all too overwhelmed with the situation, trying to escape from whatever the fuck was happening. 

Maverick's expression twisted into a playful pout as Iceman's arm dropped to wrap around the man's waist snaking around his slim middle and pulled him backwards into Iceman’s chest no longer restricted by grip or trapped between them. Mavericks back pressed against Ice’s chest as he stepped backwards dragging the troublesome man elegantly of the desk in one swift movement lifting the man with ease arm straining the fabric of the mans blue uniform tightened around the mans delicious biceps  before he set the man back on his feet by his side his arm refusing to leave its possessive hold. Maverick let out a brief sound of protest grumbling as he shot Ice an unhappy look at his spoils of fun being ruined.

“Where do you want us to take them sir?” Trace asked, leaning around Seresin looking as if she was already planning out some sort of plan. Thank god at least one of them had a plan.  

He ran a stressed hand down his face “I don't know! Anywhere but here!” He could hear the growing hysteria in his voice now, Iceman's brows furrowed slightly and Maverick whining stopped as he peered up at him with growing concern. “Just keep them on base. Stick them in a dorm room or something just watch them”. 

“Sir-” Seresin gave him an weary look, breaking parade rest to step closer, “Are you alright?”

“Do i look alright” he snarled, “Im half conviced im having a psychotic break so get the fuck out of my office before I demote all of your arse for keeping this massive security risk a secret and deport you an active warzone and shot you out of the sky myself!”

“Yes sir!” Seresin saluted his concern lingering but the man fell back into a parade rest turning to address the two other men in the room motioning for them to follow. Iceman tugged a reluctant Maverick out of the office guiding him out under his arm with a low warning “Mav” when the smaller man attempted to argue his way out of it. Seresin moved quickly falling into line behind them as Trace and Gracia guide the men down the hall keeping them in a strict weapons envelope in an attempt to prevent the men from escaping again. 

He barely had the time to wheel the chair back under him as he collapsed into it, he let out a groan of distress as his head fell into his hands. He attempted to muffle himself as he let out a scream of distress which he was sure could still be heard down the hall despite his best efforts. He gave himself a moment to wallow in stress, his shoulders shook momentarily as he felt the weight of his new days worth of issues to suffer from. He inhaled holding it for a few moments before exhaling shakily trying to collect himself  as he swallowed leaning back as he rolled his chair back under the desk casting his eye over the office that looked as if nothing amiss had happened as he reached for the phone on the desk holding the weight of the receiver in his palm, it felt ill weighted, but perhaps that was just his shock taking hold of him. The line rang briefly before it clicked signifying it had connected to the desk just outside his door to his secretary who had been the original cause of the commotion to begin with. 

“Admiral Simpson?” Thomas' amused smile could be heard in his voice. 

“Would you summon Solomon for me?” he let out a weary sigh as he drawl off a list of precious tasks he knew without a doubt the young man would have already started compiling ideas for. “Cancel my meetings for the next week and for fuck sakes could you do some damage control and ensure no one sees Kaznaky and Mitchel”.

“Already done sir,” Thomas tittered shortly before adding, “There is also a food order set to arrive in the next 10 minutes for you both and I've already started sending out emails explaining the visit of two new recruits”. 

He huffed at the man's amusement “I’m going to ignore the fact you’re taking pleasure in my pain” he pointed out, then smiled genuinely “Have I told you how much I love you Tom?”

The man laughed “Every day, sir”. Thomas' voice seemed to hitch slightly as the receiver shifted “Although I believe you are declaring your love to the wrong Tom, sir” the man teased. 

The line clicked disconnecting before he could answer and he placed the phone back down on its holder with a poorly suppressed sigh. God that man was a handful but he wouldn't be able to survive day to day in this job without him. He just knew that Sol would end up gossiping with him later no doubt already on his way to bully the details of the two men unknowingly acting out one of his very chest held sexual fantasies out of him. 

Why did he put up with Mitchell again? After all, he wouldn't be in this mess if Iceman hadn’t decided to test his patience. Where on earth had he gone wrong?

And after all his effort, all 15 years of it. It turns out, he wasn’t stronger than Iceman after all. 

He had two rules. Two very simple rules. However it appeared that however young or old both men of his desires had decided to say fuck the rules and seem quite insistant with their intent on dragging him with them to whatever sin they rested their heads upon at night. 

It appears he needed to implement a third rule; need not further the previous two rules may not apply if it involves Maverick Mitchell nor Thomas Kazansky. 

He sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose,  staring wearily at the door of his office waiting for it to burst open this time a welcome intrusion by the hand of his best friend, as the trail of Iceman’s arm still tingles across his skin and the feel of Mavericks fingertips on his jaw bloomed with heat that he had sworn was not there previously. 

The Navy specifically prohibits any pursuing of relationships within the ranks. In reality if he was in any other situation with both man in somewhat older states he should be reporting the fraternization, frankly he was partly impressed Mitchell managed to marry up but if anyone could snarl Iceman’s attention it would be his wayward wingman, on the other hand this was highly classified especially since he had to somehow explain the sudden absence of the COMPACFLT. 

The rules were clear, he was to report the relationship at once. The ghost feel of Mavericks thighs brushing against his hips caused him to curl his hand around the arm of his chair as his gaze dropped to the desk and he could swear he could almost see that passionate kiss again right before his eyes as well as the cold and calculated challenging eyes staring back at him. 

Go ahead , they dared him. Try it.  

Well he only had one thing to say after 23 years of faithful service. 

Fuck the Navy. 

[terraliensvent]

A blast from the past: terras and ip grabbing

so im sure some of you have seen this post over on csmingy, and zaga had actually reached out to me here to post on their actions in terras as well

for the uninformed, zaga (creator/former owner of isopups) was the original site coder for terraliens. recently, they've decided to come out about the circumstances surrounding the original terra vent blog and the ip grabbing, stating that THEY were the one who originally did so after pressure from civ and coy. (and if you weren't here for the doxxing issue, just read through this)

and as an aside: from my personal recollection of actively following the original blog and even having post notifs on, i dont remember any death threats being posted to that blog. what i do remember is the original discussion on kinah being that they were "greedy" for dropping an adopt batch on their birthday, and others bitching about petty shit to that effect. my memory could be wrong, but even at the time i thought the content of the original vent blog was blown way out of proportion.

anyway, on with the screenshots:

(edit to specify: in this screen i say Kinah was the one to influence zaga to IP grab, but later zaga corrected me to state that it was mainly civ and coy, with kinah's situation and attempt influencing them, not kinah directly)

along with this, i was given an imgur gallery of screenshots (lemon and tuna = zaga)

here are some i thought were interesting:

Later on civ says this:

more incriminating shit:

this proves they definitely did have a fucking spec-ops investigation to ip grab nearly everyone involved with the blog, getting people's locations and making spoofed urls. honestly, im not even totally sure how they landed on the people they did as the supposed owners of the blogs, seeing as they were going based off of location and there are a lot of people living in australia. additionally you can see civ blowing things out of proportion on a few messages like this one:

which, that is a completely reasonable thing to say!! if youre making attempts on your life over a closed species, maybe it would help you to remove yourself from that space, just a thought.

and finally the cherry on top of the shit sundae:

they didnt even ban the right fucking person

i highly recommend reading all the screens, it's a whole rollercoaster and not once do either of them think theyre in the wrong for being incredibly invasive, using spoofed links to grab IPs, picking out a random person because they said they lived in melbourne (which has a population of over 5 million) and then doubling down saying "erm but guys we didnt release the info we just used deceptive means to ban them but it turns out the person we banned wasnt even the right one oopsies!"

in fact, according to zaga, the IP they got wasn't even linked to a home address, it was tied to a satellite ping tower, so the user who's IP they tracked could have very well not even been in melbourne. so they just caused a shitload of anguish to Mal for no reason and refused to take it back, even after they realized they fucked up. full explanation here:

finally, zaga did link me to their apology doc regarding isos. i wont go in depth on it because this isnt isopups venting, but ill drop it here anyways for anyone who's interested: link

overall, i dont want to bash zaga crazy heavily over this, seeing as it looks like theyre on a pretty big apology tour right now for their actions here as well as in isopups. they stated in my dms: "I also want to clarify while I wasn’t sorry for it last year, it’s been a long time since this and I feel immense shame and guilt for it, which is why I’m coming out about it," and given their current actions of laying everything out here + the iso doc, i want to say that theyre making a change and i cant knock them for apologizing.

i will say though, that these messages are incredibly fucking damning for civ and OG terra staff, and i will absolutely criticize civ for them since their actions here are pretty consistent with their behavior in every single following controversy: doubling down, blowing shit out of proportion while simultaneously downplaying their own actions, and "everyone is at fault but me"

what a great throwback thursday

[dragynkeep]

can confirm there are no trigger warnings for SA on the Hazbin Hotel show, not in the episodes that feature it or even in general. it just says "sexual content" under the general content advisory, and the start of the show doesn't give any trigger warnings either.

I'm...disappointed, honestly, because the ADDICT music video at least had trigger warnings for SA on it. so it's not like Vivzie doesn't know they should be there or anything, and yet they're not present in the show. I mean, I'm disappointed in the whole thing--I decided to try watching Hazbin after seeing a few people in a Discord I'm in talking about how much they liked it, and I wanted to like it too--but the show itself is just...a train wreck. unwarned for SA, anti-blackness, bad character design, the usage of voodoo symbols to try and make Alastor seem more spooky edgy evil like there's not enough demonization of voodoo as it is...

the comparison of Angel Dust and Husk's situations was the final straw for me. although in all honesty I really couldn't stand Charlie's attempted intervention in Angel Dust's life either, how absolutely unhelpful she was, how much she did not understand at all, how it totally backfired and Angel Dust got hurt because of her thoughtless (and imho kind of selfish) actions, and how quickly it was just....forgiven and forgotten without Charlie seeming to really learn anything beyond "oh, I should've left when I was asked." the show is a train wreck but the entire fourth episode made me feel ill.

I knew they didn't have any warnings but having it actually confirmed is just so much worse. The episode didn't just have "sexual content", it was fucking rape. That is a whole different discussion that needs to be specific because I'm not gonna get triggered by just sex.

The one thing I did like in the episode was the idea that even the most well intentional people can just cause more damage in domestic abuse situations. Charlie wanted to help but made things worse because she couldn't get Angel Dust out of the situation with Val, and because Angel Dust isn't in the right mindset yet to leave nor is he even able to because of the contract.

Did I like how over the top Charlie was at the end? No, but that's because I don't like how much of a baby they're making Charlie in an attempt to make her naive and innocent. That's a grown ass woman, stop it.

And also, I'm sorry, but there's like negative chemistry between Angel Dust and Husk. Husk literally had to be sent by Vaggie to go and get him, rather than it happening naturally through him feeling guilt or just wanting Angel Dust to be alright.

Nevermind that the song sucks ass. People can say critics have no reading comprehension and don't understand it, but I've rewatched it multiple times along with Ais, and we both agree that this song is just Husk calling Angel Dust a loser because he is in a situation he has no control over.

And loser is such a weighted term because it's an insult at people over things they have done. Angel Dust is stuck in a sex trafficking situation, where he is raped daily and uses drugs to escape the pain, while Husk was an overlord who sold his soul to Alastor and at worst is stuck working at a bar.

Which is something we thought could use at least a small tweaking to not be so horrific. The song can't be saved, but Husk having an alcohol problem than a gambling problem would at least have it that Alastor is refusing to respect his boundaries and making him work in an environment that is specifically triggering him all the time.

Nevermind that there's far more in the actual show for Husk to have an alcohol problem being his main issue than a non-existing gambling problem. At least then he and Angel can relate to issues that they don't have as much control over and having bosses that don't care that their work is triggering to them in the form of forced sex work and bartending while surrounded by alcohol and drunk people all the time.