#the song is sad and therefore this is now... sad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sansaorgana · 11 months ago

Text

— BEDROOM HYMNS

PAIRING — Ser Gwayne Hightower x fem!Reader // Queen Alicent Hightower x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — Your sister-in-law wishes for you to become one of her ladies-in-waiting but you become so much more. Things complicate when your husband comes to visit.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — The title is from Florence + The Machine song. Alicent is a lesbian in this fic but she's also very conflicted about it. Reader is 100% bisexual. I wanted to write this fic for some time now because I have a crush on Alicent ever since Season One so yeah... Here we go... 😩😈

WARNINGS — cheating, homosexuality seen as something *wrong* (by Alicent), mentions of sexual activities (no actual smut – tiiiiny bit in the beginning)

WORD COUNT — 6,240

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

BEDROOM HYMNS

You moved away from between her trembling legs after a cry of pleasure muffled by her own hand that she had covered her mouth with. Alicent’s juices were dripping down your chin when you smirked at her and looked up to meet her big brown eyes. Those soft big brown eyes that you adored more than anything. You had always adored them. So full of sadness and softness and you had never wanted anything but to make her feel better.

“Have I pleased you?” You asked while peppering her soft inner thighs with your kisses although you knew the answer already. Her husband had no idea how to please her.

The Queen only nodded and looked away. Poor Alicent – she always felt bad and guilty after the peak had already been reached. The sudden realisation of her sin was soul-crushing but the tension and desire had been too great to ignore them. She deserved the relief and you did not see anything bad about it.

“How many times do we have to do this?” You sighed and lied next to her in her bed. Your fingertips caressed her sides and your lips attached themselves to the crook of her neck, smelling all the scented oils in her hair. She was The Queen of the Realm and she was pampered like no other Lady. “There is no shame in this.”

“There is a sin,” Alicent turned her head around to finally meet your gaze. She raised her hand to nervously play with the seven-pointed star pendant on her sweaty chest.

“Why?” You bit on your lip and caressed her auburn locks out of her face.

“It is betrayal,” she frowned as if she was getting frustrated with your lack of understanding.

“It would have been if you lied with a man,” you explained and kissed her cheek before laying on your back and staring at the ceiling.

“I should find your vague idea of morality perplexing,” Alicent pointed out and you couldn’t help but chuckle at her confession.

“But you do not and thank Gods for that,” you rolled your eyes with a smirk.

A silence occurred as Alicent kept playing nervously with the pendant between her fingers and you were staring at the ceiling and counting all the cracks.

“What kind of husband is my brother?” She asked suddenly and you turned your head around to look at her again.

“A good one,” you admitted, feeling nearly guilty for that because you knew why she was asking – her husband was not good. Not to her and not to her children.

“Why are you doing this then?” Alicent asked.

It was obvious why her brother was on her mind now. He would arrive at King's Landing any day now. You couldn’t wait to see Gwayne again after a few months of being apart and you only wished he had taken your son with him but he could not. Robyn was the eldest son and he was supposed to stay in Oldtown. He had just become a squire and leaving his knight for a few long weeks would not be advised, therefore you had to go on missing your boy. Day after day as if he was a burning hole in your chest. Mothers would always miss their sons, you assumed.

“To kill the time,” you shrugged your arms, not wanting to reveal how much Alicent meant to you and for how long. “And to help you. You are my friend and I love you,” you confessed.

Alicent always loved Princess Rhaenyra more. Your father was a Master of Coin in King Viserys’ Small Council and you were growing up together – three girls running around happily. Or rather – two girls following the Princess like two overjoyed puppies. Rhaenyra was the centre of everything for you and not only because she was the Princess but also because she meant everything to Alicent. No matter how much effort you were putting into making Alicent like you more, you were destined to fail for she always was choosing Rhaenyra over you.

It made you grow bitter towards The Princess but never towards Alicent. You were blaming yourself – you had to become more and try harder perhaps and maybe then you’d earn more than just leftover crumbs of her love and friendship.

You couldn’t understand your feelings back then – why was the attraction so strong, what was making you feel so attached to the young Hightower Lady. You were the same age and yet everything she said was like a command to you. Wherever she went, you followed. Even when you felt like a burden because she so clearly would rather be left alone with Rhaenyra. But Rhaenyra never minded your presence because to her you were only a pawn on the board, an ornament, an addition of no importance. So, you often witnessed the two girls laughing together, whispering, exchanging small gestures of affection. You were only watching. Observing as your heart ached.

During The Heir's Tournament you met Ser Gwayne Hightower, Alicent’s older brother. He was young then, eager to show off his abilities and make his family proud. Perhaps he did not have his sister’s big brown eyes but he had the auburn hair you loved so much about her and he had her softness about him. You were enamoured with him in no time and when he approached the royal box to greet his sister – he caught your eye and you caught his and for that moment when your eyes met, you felt butterflies all over your body.

Ser Gwayne Hightower received your favour on that day and the sparkles of joy in your eyes while you were throwing the wreath at him were very obvious to your father and to his as well. You could not know that then but they exchanged meaningful looks for a short moment.

Even though Gwayne lost the duel with Prince Daemon Targaryen, he did not lose your affection. In fact, witnessing him nearly winning and losing only because Prince Daemon chose to play dirty – it only solidified your feelings. Ser Gwayne was a righteous man, a chivalrous knight and a brave one, too. It took lots of courage to face Prince Daemon Targaryen himself.

Gwayne was carried away with his face covered in blood and dirt while his mind was filled with thoughts of you – of losing your favour and your interest. However, you hurried to his side right after the tournament ended to make sure he was fine. And at the sight of you – he truly was fine again.

You were only ten and five but you knew already that Ser Gwayne was the only man you could see yourself being married off to. Thankfully, your father saw that, too. Two years later you were sent to Oldtown and for the whole time in between you were exchanging letters. When Alicent was married off to King Viserys shortly after his wife’s death, you still felt bitter but not as much as you could because you mostly felt excited about your own upcoming wedding.

However, the sadness and anxiety on Alicent’s face on her wedding day were a sight you would never forget.

Years and years of the happy marriage had passed and you were still in touch with your sister-in-law because of the letters you were exchanging and her son that you and Gwayne were raising in Oldtown – Prince Daeron Targaryen. But other than that, you had your own life now to live, your own duties, your own offspring and Alicent was simply not occupying your mind as much as in your adolescent years.

You were aware of King Viserys’ health getting worse and worse as Alicent was ruling the Kingdom in his name. The burden of responsibility was heavy and her marriage was getting more and more difficult. You couldn’t say the same of your own union – you loved Gwayne and he loved you. Just like every married couple you had your misunderstandings and disagreements but you were grateful for him every day of your life and you knew well that he felt the same towards you.

It was after breakfast on one of those days that seemed to be pretty typical in the morning and then they turned out to be life-changing for a person. Without a warning and without an ominous feeling deep in one’s gut, they just happened and changed lives.

A letter came to you from Queen Alicent and you expected nothing of great importance in it so you put it below the pile of letters you had to respond to this morning. You sat by your desk and dipped the feather in the black ink as you started to perform one of your duties as Lady Hightower, helping your husband to run Oldtown in his father’s name.

Letter after letter, until finally you were left with the last one. You opened it with a small yawn, which turned into a frown after reading Alicent’s plea and request.

“What is it?” Gwayne entered your chambers this very moment but his smile dropped at the sight of your face.

You folded the letter suddenly as if it was a secret or something dirty but it only increased your husband’s curiosity as he approached the table and raised an eyebrow at you.

“What is it?” He repeated the question and you pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to find the right words.

“It is from your sister,” you replied and looked up to meet his confused gaze. He knew about your friendship and for you to react this way at one of Alicent’s letters was simply unusual.

“Is he dead?” Was all Gwayne asked.

“No, Gods, no,” you shook your head and took a deep breath in. “Not yet,” you added.

“What is it then?” Gwayne lifted your chin up gently to make sure your eyes would still be on his. You swallowed a lump in your throat and finally decided to tell him what his sister had requested.

“Queen Alicent wishes for me to become one of her ladies-in-waiting,” you revealed and Gwayne’s confusion only grew. “She feels lonely in King’s Landing, she needs a friend by her side. Somebody she can trust.”

“It is out of the question,” Gwayne took the folded paper from your hands and read the letter himself, still standing above you as you nervously fidgeted with your fingers.

Your own feelings were chaotic at that moment. Something in your heart wanted to run to King’s Landing at this very moment because Alicent needed you and because you wanted to make her life easier and make her happy. You had always wanted nothing but her happiness.

But you had your own duties in Oldtown and you had your husband here and your children. You could not just leave like that, could you? Especially when Oldtown was so far away from King’s Landing.

“It is out of the question,” Gwayne said again and threw the letter on your desk. “Reply to her that your Lord Husband does not agree.”

“She is your sister,” you looked up at him, pleadingly.

“Yes and I have nothing but love for her in my heart but her request is selfish,” he clenched his jaw as he looked you up and down, visibly surprised that you were not agreeing with him on this. “Why does she want to take you away from me? You are my wife.”

“Your wife – not your property,” you reminded him.

“That is debatable,” Gwayne huffed and looked away but before you could scold him, he continued with more. “Living in a different city, different castle, so far away from me… Will you still be my wife?” He turned his head around in an attempt to try to read your emotions.

“I will forever be your wife,” you stood up and took his hand into yours before placing it on your chest where your heart was. “But she needs me, Gwayne. She’s all alone there with no one by her side.”

“Father is with her,” Gwayne interrupted you. “He always favoured Alicent.”

“You do know that being favoured by him is a burden, not a prize,” you reminded. “Please, let me go. For some time at least. Until The King dies. It should not be for long and I’ll take the girls with me,” you tried to convince him as your fingers caressed his hand on your chest. “Please,” you whispered, looking up deep into his eyes.

After a long moment of silence and hesitation, your husband nodded his head reluctantly.

A few months later, you found yourself standing in the courtyard of The Red Keep, awaiting your husband’s arrival. He had a business to deal with in The Crownlands and he wanted to spend a few days with his family, too. You were caressing the creases on your dress with your hands and your teenage daughter Margaery was fixing her younger sister’s hairdo. Little Wyllow had been missing her father the most and she couldn’t wait for his arrival. In fact, she had made you and Margaery wait there since early morning and at this point you were exhausted already but you didn’t complain since you couldn’t wait to see Gwayne again either.

Even though it also felt a little weird and awkward since your mind was being flooded with memories of his sister’s body tangled with yours underneath her royal silk sheets. Her plump lips parted and soft moans escaping them, her beautiful big brown eyes hazy and filled with tears of shame and pleasure…

You were trying to shake those thoughts and images off of your head when you were interrupted by the sound of the horses approaching the gate.

“Father!” Wyllow nearly ran straight under the horse if she was not stopped by Margaery.

Your older daughter gave you a scolding look and she was right to do so because it was your duty to watch over your children, meanwhile you were distracted by the memories of dirty acts instead.

When you watched Gwayne jumping off of the horse, your heart clenched in your chest at the sight of him and you suddenly realised why Alicent was so filled with shame and guilt because now you felt them, too.

His handsome face, his eyes sparkling at the sight of you, his auburn hair reflecting in the sun… He truly was the man you loved. You just couldn’t help the fact you loved his sister, too.

“Father!” Wyllow finally was free to run into his arms and he crouched down to hug her and kiss her forehead.

“I am so happy to see you, little bird,” Gwayne cupped his daughter’s cheeks and she giggled.

He straightened himself but Wyllow clinged to his left hand so he used his right one to caress Margaery’s face lovingly.

“You’re growing fast, my love,” he pointed out.

“I am trying my best, Lord Father,” Margaery nodded her head with a smile and then she took a step back to get out of the way and let him greet you.

“Lord Husband,” you gave him a nervous and soft smile. Gwayne tilted his head a little and your heart skipped a beat. He was a very observant man but there was nothing that would give you away, right? What could it be?

“Lady Wife,” he smiled at you and took two steps ahead to be able to kiss the palm of your hand. Whatever he had noticed, he pretended it was nothing. At least for now.

“You must be exhausted,” you pointed out. “The chambers have been already prepared for you and I’m going to tell the maids to fix you a bath.”

“Does it mean we are not sharing the same chambers during my stay here?” Gwayne raised an eyebrow at you.

Margaery cleared her throat and she took Wyllow by her free hand.

“Shall we go inside now? Let our Lady Mother greet Lord Father properly,” she dragged her protesting sister behind her.

“She is becoming a fine Lady,” you chuckled awkwardly. “I can’t help feeling that the air and water in King’s Landing are making her grow up faster. Perhaps she is spending too much time with women older than her,” you explained, clasping your hands in front of yourself as if you had no idea what to do with them. “Come with me, I am sure you want to greet your father and sister, too.”

“I do,” Gwayne followed you inside while some of the men he had taken with him were taking care of his luggage with the help of The Red Keep’s servants. “You still haven’t answered my question about the chambers,” he pointed out when you were in the staircase together.

“My darling,” you turned around abruptly, making him stop his walk. “Your chambers are close to mine, please do not get cross with me. Those past few months I have learnt to love my solitude,” you explained and Gwayne tilted his head again but he only nodded.

“Let it be then,” he only said.

With each one of your husband’s kisses and each one of his touches, each one of your reached peaks and cries of pleasure, you felt more and more purified of sin as if his body was washing away Alicent’s smell off of you. After months of not laying together, you were lost in each other for hours with caring very little about getting any sleep. You were watching the sun rise behind the window when you were too exhausted to go on as you were laying on Gwayne’s chest, drawing circles there with your fingers and his hand was playing with your hair, gently massaging your scalp.

“Have you been faithful to me?” You asked casually and you could feel his muscles tensing under you.

You had no right to ask that – but he did not know of it.

“I have,” he answered. “Of course I have.”

“And if I say that the whores count, too?” You looked up playfully.

“I have been faithful to my Lady Wife,” Gwayne shook his head and you spotted a slight irritation on his face. He did not like it when his honour was being questioned – he was a knight, after all. “Why do you ask? Have you not been faithful to me?”

A shiver went down your spine at his chilling accusation.

“How can you ask me that?” You gasped.

“You have accused me first.”

“Because you are a man,” you reminded him.

“I am. And I know what men are like,” Gwayne nodded his head. “They must all be following you around – a beautiful Lady far away from her husband is like an invitation,” he finally cracked a smile, revealing that he was only jesting.

“I do not want any man but you,” you assured him as the tension left your body because you did not have to lie about it.

“That is good to know, my love,” Gwayne kissed the top of your head. “You had me worried with your cold greeting and not letting me into your chambers.”

“Are you not in my chambers now, Lord Husband?” You teased him and placed a kiss on his chest where his heart was. “And if my greeting was cold, then I owe you an apology. I spend too much time around your sister and her husband and I keep forgetting that some marriages are happy. That mine is…” You wanted to look up to meet his gaze but you couldn’t as something inside of you was stopping you.

“That is a shame,” Gwayne only said.

“It is, darling, but you are here now to remind me.”

You were sitting in the same chambers as Alicent, embroidering side by side and even though you were using no words, you found each other’s company comforting. Your arms were brushing as you both were focused on creating beautiful patterns on the same piece of fabric to make the work faster. It was supposed to be a beautiful green blanket with embroidered little dragons.

Princess Helaena was sitting nearby and embroidering spiders on her own piece of fabric. Her cousin, Lady Margaery Hightower was sitting next to her and teaching her younger sister the craft. It was peaceful, cosy and quiet – you loved those moments the most because it was nearly as if Alicent was your own Lady Wife and you were just enjoying the time spent together with your family, far away from all those loud and obnoxious men surrounding you everywhere. These chambers were your escape and your own queendom.

When the doors opened, everyone except for Helaena looked up with a slight irritation since the man entering this sanctuary was nothing but an intruder. Even if the man was Ser Gwayne Hightower, who was loved by every person inside the chambers.

He cleared his throat when you gave him a soft smile, your arm still brushing Alicent’s and you were sitting in a way that made sure you were facing each other. You had never thought about it before but it was quite intimate indeed. Your husband’s tilted head made you realise that he had just observed something and after a short while you understood what it was as you moved away slightly.

“Brother,” Alicent greeted him.

“Lord Husband,” you nodded at him.

“Forgive me for interrupting. I would like to take Margaery for a walk around the gardens,” he extended his hand towards his older daughter as Wyllow looked up at him with pleading eyes. “It must be Margaery alone this time but I promise you, little bird, I am going to take you for a walk later, too. Perhaps we’ll walk to the bay and watch the ships,” he assured her and she sighed with relief.

“You can finish without my help now, I believe,” Margaery handed the fabric to her younger sister. “Do try, at least. If you face any challenges, Lady Mother or Helaena shall help you.”

Helaena looked up when her name was mentioned and she gave Wyllow a soft smile that encouraged her little cousin to keep going. When Margaery stood up and left the sofa, Wyllow moved closer to Helaena and The Princess did not seem to mind.

“Can you help me with the ladybug?” She asked and Helaena’s face lit up at that.

“Lord Father,” Margaery took Gwayne by his arm and bowed her head at you and Alicent before walking out of the chambers with her father.

“I am wondering what is the matter my Lord Husband wishes to discuss with Margaery,” you hummed to yourself.

“She is ten and five now,” Queen Alicent pointed out. “What is the only possible matter that fathers wish to discuss with their daughters at that age?”

You furrowed your brows at her words because she was right and you did not like the sound of that. It was a shame that she was right, too, and not only for your own daughter but for every woman in this Realm.

You saw Gwayne again before dinner, on your way to the dining hall. He was walking down the stairs and you rushed to him to walk by his side. He offered you his arm and you took it.

“I have a question for you, Lord Husband,” you started, nearly aggressively and he raised his eyebrows at that fierceness.

“What is it, my love?”

“Are you planning to marry our sweet Margaery off so quickly? I do not wish for her to get wed too soon,” you told him, hoping he would understand your point of view because sadly, in the end, the decision was his to make for women had always been properties of men – once her father’s, then her husband’s.

Sometimes you wished you had become a septa.

“Not soon, no. But she is ten and five. That was the age you were in when we met,” Gwayne reminded you with a smile.

“Yes, indeed, my darling, but it was us both meeting and falling in love. That is different, you must admit,” you pursed your lips.

“I must, indeed. Do not worry, I am not willing to force anything upon our sweet daughter. I have only told her to start looking around for suitable matches… soon,” your husband explained. “I am sure King’s Landing is full of important young men.”

“I do not wish for her to get married here. This place is rotten and so are its people,” you sighed. “My greatest wish is for Margaery to marry a man from The Reach.”

“We all have wishes, my darling wife,” Gwayne’s answer was nearly mocking but he spotted your annoyance so he looked around to make sure you were not being seen before pulling you by your waist and pushing you against the wall to steal a kiss from your lips. “Gods, I missed this,” he whispered and you felt your cheeks heating up.

“Gwayne!” You scolded him playfully. “I missed this, too,” you added and caressed his cheek with your fingers.

But his smile dropped and eyes became serious all of the sudden. You stayed like that in a short moment of silence before he dropped the question that turned your guts inside out:

“What is the nature of your relationship with my sister?”

You were taken aback by his question and you moved your hand away from his face before taking a deep breath in, trying to steady your heartbeat.

“Alicent is my best friend,” you looked deep into his eyes, surprised by your own courage to lie like this…

But was it a lie? She was your friend, after all.

“There is intimacy between you two that I can only wish for between us these days,” Gwayne whispered and you bit on your lower lip.

“She is my main companion for weeks now,” you tried to explain.

“Are you still planning to come back home after The King dies?” Gwayne lowered his voice even more since talking about the monarch’s death could be seen as treason.

“Y-yes, of course,” you nodded nervously.

“Why the tremble of your voice?” Gwayne raised an eyebrow.

“What are you accusing me of?” You suddenly clenched your fists, trying to take another route of getting out of this awkward situation. “Your implications are indecent. You have been accusing me of obscenities ever since you arrived here. You wound me deeply, Lord Husband,” you straightened yourself.

“You have accused me first,” Gwayne reminded you.

“Without any reproach thrown at you. I have asked out of simple curiosity,” you informed him.

“You are right, do forgive me,” he reached for your hand to place a delicate kiss upon the palm of it. You sighed, feeling extremely guilty.

“You are forgiven,” you whispered, nearly inaudibly, because it felt wrong to be the one saying those words.

In fact, at that very moment, you promised yourself to fix everything. You promised yourself to invite Gwayne to your chambers again for the night and let his touch to purify you like on the previous night. And you would go to The Sept and you would pray the sin away, you would beg for forgiveness, you would be a better wife, perhaps you would beg Alicent to let you go back to Oldtown with your husband.

Yes, that was the plan.

In the early morning you couldn’t tell that you were well-rested. Your muscles were sore after the previous two nights and your head was hazy but you still got dressed up quickly when the sun was rising and creeping inside your chambers to shine upon Gwayne’s auburn hair. You leaned in to kiss his forehead and you left him sleeping to visit The Sept and be able to go back to The Red Keep before breakfast.

You had never been a devout but you were not a savage either. You believed in Gods and now more than ever you needed redemption.

You expected to be alone there at such an early hour but no – of course not. Queen Alicent was already there, kneeling by the stone table and lighting the candles. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath in. She was your greatest temptation and it was a cruel joke that the Gods had played on you to put her there at this time when you visited The Sept to pray her very own self away from your life.

Alicent looked up, surprised to see you. Her soft features were as sad as usual but at the sight of you she seemed to be a bit happier – relieved, in a way. Your heart clenched inside your chest. How could you ever want to leave her? You couldn’t. She was too dependent on you. Her happiness was and so was her sanity. Leaving her would be equal to killing her.

“I have not expected you in The Sept at such an early hour,” she commented as you kneeled next to her.

“I have not expected myself here either,” you smirked. “I came here to ask for forgiveness.”

“Forgiveness? Aren’t you always the one telling me that what we do is no sin?” Alicent furrowed her brows.

“I have lied to my husband. That is a sin,” you confessed and Alicent did not say anything to this. “I… I will have to go back to Oldtown, I think… I can’t… I can’t go on like this,” you looked down and Alicent remained silent but you didn’t have to look at her to know her big brown eyes were filled with tears. “I miss my son and I miss Oldtown… King’s Landing is corrupt and I do not wish for my daughters to grow up here. I… I miss Gwayne, too. I love him, I love him, I love him…”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” Sudden, harsh question made you look up to meet her teary gaze.

“I’ve been loving him ever since I saw him during the tournament. You were there, sitting by my side,” you reminded her.

“You love him because he is my brother but your life has always revolved around me,” Alicent pointed out and you felt your cheeks heating up.

“You… You knew?” You only asked.

“I was blind to choose Rhaenyra because she was never for me to reach. She was The Princess and you were equal to me, so devoted. Blindly, very often. I took you for a fool and only after losing you, I realised. When you were sent to Oldtown, I suddenly understood that my only friend had left my side,” Alicent explained. “My only friend and the only person who has ever… Who has ever loved me – except for my mother.”

“Gwayne loves you, too,” you pointed out.

“Does he? He took you away from me,” Alicent’s jaw clenched and your eyes widened. She was not being rational but you knew why – she was scared of losing you again. In fact, she was determined to make you stay by her side.

“You will not let me leave, will you?” You whispered.

Alicent opened her mouth to say something but then her face softened and she stood up rapidly to walk away.

“I am sorry… I do not wish to… Act like this… I do not recognise myself,” she admitted with her voice full of shame. She raised her hands up to her mouth as she nervously bit on the soft skin around her fingernails.

You didn’t answer because you were too lost in your own thoughts. Was she right again? About you loving Gwayne only because he was her brother? You had never thought about it before. It would mean your whole marriage was a lie, an illusion – or rather a delusion.

“When I’m with him, I don’t imagine you,” you stood up as well when the realisation hit you. “But when I’m with you, he doesn’t exist to me. It’s as if there were two of me.”

“I do not understand,” Alicent shook her head. “To me, there is only you,” she confessed and laid her eyes on you.

You didn’t know what to answer. You swallowed a lump in your throat instead.

“I am flawed, poisoned…” Alicent continued. “I can only feel this way towards other women. I felt this way towards Rhaenyra until a certain moment and then… Then my whole life was about you. I have spent hours inside this Sept, trying to pray this away,” Alicent’s silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I do not have such a conflict. I can love both men and women,” you told her. “I can love you and I can love Gwayne…”

“I do not wish to share you!” Alicent interrupted you and then she hid her face in her hand as she sobbed.

“Women are not their own property. I am not the one to decide if I can be shared,” you answered diplomatically.

You felt sorry for her but you also felt sorry for Gwayne that he was being betrayed behind his back by his own wife and sister – two women he loved the most except for his daughters. He would die for you both, he would kill to protect you or to defend your honours – even though none of you had an honour anymore. He was the real victim here.

But one more look at Alicent’s sad eyes was enough to break you again. You approached her to cup her face and kiss her softly. She protested in the beginning since you were inside The Sept but you didn’t give a fuck about it anymore – you would go to Seven Hells anyway.

“I shall not leave you,” you promised her.

When you came back to your chambers, Gwayne was dressing up in front of the mirror. He raised an eyebrow at you entering the room.

“Where have you been?” He asked.

“In The Sept to pray,” you answered truthfully.

“Has my sister turned you into a devout like her already?” He chuckled.

“She has a great influence on me,” you nodded and walked up to him to kiss his cheek.

“You even smell like her,” he said and your heart skipped a beat.

“I am fond of her scented oils and she allows me to use them,” you answered.

“It feels weird when I’m fucking you, I have to admit,” Gwayne chuckled awkwardly and so did you.

“You shall fuck me more then,” you pointed out quietly.

“Even more, Lady Wife?” He shook his head with another chuckle.

“Until her scent is gone,” you explained and looked out of the window.

Gwayne did not say anything to this but his smile disappeared. From the corner of your eye you saw his reflection in the mirror and you realised that he had finally understood what was going on behind his back.

After a while, which felt like forever, he cleared his throat:

“It is a putrid place indeed.”

“You must take me far away from here,” you turned around to grab his arm and your heart broke when you felt him flinch a little. “You must save my soul and take me home,” you pleaded despite the promise you had given to Alicent earlier but that promise had not been given sober. You had been intoxicated with her.

“You must come back home yourself, my love,” Gwayne smiled sadly at you and caressed your hair gently, “for I do not wish to force anything upon you. You are always kind enough to remind me that you are not my property, aren't you? And I agree,” he nodded, “this decision is for you to make.”

And you didn’t know what to say or do because there was no decision that felt right and no decision that didn’t feel wrong either. Gwayne was your duty and your sacrifice and Alicent was a self-indulgent sin but you loved them both so much that you cursed the whole Hightower bloodline for existing because your life would be so much easier without them.

You knew what Gwayne was expecting of you – he expected you to choose your duty because – just like his sister – he was all about honour and decency. But you didn’t want your husband to feel as if you were choosing him only because of your marriage vows – you wanted him to know that you cared for him, too, even though he wouldn’t believe you now.

But there was only one choice for you anyway, wasn’t it? You couldn’t just stay with Alicent and pretend that it was the right thing to do. You couldn’t abandon your family and your duties for her and she had to understand it.

You looked deep into Gwayne’s eyes and your own filled with tears at the sight of all the pain and sadness in his. You dropped your hand down from his arm to intertwine your fingers with his.

“I do not think of myself as flawed or poisoned for feeling the way I feel,” you explained to him. “But I do not wish for my nature to spoil our union. If anybody can save me, it would be you,” you whispered. A plea. A desperate cry for help. “I am a mother, I am a wife, I am Lady Hightower and my home is in Oldtown.”

Your heart, however, would forever be divided; torn and bleeding. The deep, burning hole was forever to stay there for one reason or another.

MASTERLIST

#gwayne hightower x reader #alicent hightower x reader #lilysfiction

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muchanmocha · 9 months ago

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My hot take is that Luka didn't actually impersonate Sua

And here's why.

Ok let's start by making this clear — Luka canonically knew about Sua and has analyzed Mizi and Sua's relationship to hell and back based on their My Clematis performance before Round 5.

"In the interview, Luka responded as if he had no interest in Mizi, but in reality he had thoroughly analyzed everything about her after watching her duet stage with Sua. In her confusion, Mizi becomes a mere plaything for Luka."

— Director's Commentary, ALNST Artbook

He precision-designed Round 5 to systematically push Mizi to her breaking point by using Sua and her death in Round 1 — everything from the performance, his expressions, his intonations, his timing, the choreography, down to the very song choice (he presumably didn't pull out ROMH for Round 4, and he didn't save it for the finals/Round 7 as he may have intended).

However, what wasn't on that list, was impersonating Sua.

Let's take a look at what happened on stage:

Luka opens up the sequence by catcalling her right off the bat, abruptly intruding her personal space in the first of many moments to come.

"You're the perfect subject, with the whole world in your sad eyes."

"My savior, beautiful soul..."

He proceeds to condescendingly give praise to how beautiful she is in her broken state, glorifying the trauma that made her perfect.

"I don't believe. You're a liar."

All the admiration of which, they both know is just a pretense.

Then comes the most important part.

Sua's hallucination appears.

You tell me, is that a Sua expression?

No! In fact! Sua resembles Luka here.

So what's actually happening in this scene?

Well if you look at the lyrics when she appears, you'll find this:

"When our darknesses overlap, let me take it all away."

Sua appears because Luka is directly addressing Mizi's "darkness" here, aka her trauma aka Sua, and offers to take it away. Therefore, Mizi is the one doing all the heavy lifting of hallucinating her.

Again, is this an expression that would remind you of Sua?

What he DOES do here, is continue to invade her space and touch her intimately like a lover would, which he had been doing since minute one.

Remember: the theme of Round 5 is contract marriage.

He touches her not as Sua would, but as a lover would, because that would be the easiest way to provoke Mizi, who had just lost the love of her life and is now "tied" to him.

If you check the timing of Sua's hallucination's appearances, you'd find them not when Luka "admires" Mizi for her beauty, or when they sing "ruler of my heart" as you'd expect if he was actually trying to echo Sua, but when the lyrics address the despair and trauma Mizi is facing.

Ironically, the only times in this performance that Luka plausibly resembles Sua, is when he adopts his blank doll face away from audience eyes.

Yet you can see that Sua never appears in any of these shots because that's not how Mizi would've remembered her. We can confirm that with which real memories appear in Round 5, specifically behind Luka in the theater scene and during Mizi's breakdown.

(Can you tell I've long reached my photo limit and had to make cuts)

Mizi remembers Sua at her happiest, because Sua was always her happiest when she was with Mizi.

And this is exactly the loss Luka effectively spits on.

Mizi: My world is collapsing

Luka: Lol yeah whatever

There is such a purposeful, derisive mockery embedded in how Luka treats the subject of her loss.

"Make me your god, I can give you everything."

Not, "I am your god," but "replace your god with me."

You'll notice that what he offers here isn't a new "replacement Sua," but the audience.

Catcalling, smirking, manhandling her like a ragdoll, condescendingly looking down at her, overt mockery, revelling in the cheers of an audience that's crazy for him. There is nothing he does in Round 5 that even remotely resembles Sua or is meant to resemble Sua.

Where would the resemblance be? His pretty face and white clothes? White was, and has always been his signature outfit color. Round 5 wasn't a special occasion for that.

So.

Tl;dr Luka did not actively impersonate Sua. But he did commit mindfuckery on several levels.

Bonus:

Luka -> Mizi [Intimacy 0%, -]

It's stupid and foolish to not be able to control even one of your emotions.

#something always bothered me about the luka will impersonate mizi or luka will impersonate ivan comments #and i think i figured out why #not saying echoes of mizi and ivan WONT appear in round 7 #but reducing luka to a one trick pony ooo whos he impersonating this time seems like its ignoring what type of mindfuckery he works on #alnst #alien stage #alnst luka #alien stage luka #alnst sua #alien stage sua #alnst mizi #alien stage mizi #mizisua #alnst theories #round 5

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she-who-fights-and-writes · 2 years ago

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MASTER LIST OF INSTRUMENTAL PLAYLISTS FOR WRITING (OR FOR STUDYING, MAKING ART, ETC.)

I find that the perfect writing playlist can GREATLY enhance the writing experience. Even if it doesn't make your writing "better" (which it can, since it helps writers with visualization, tone, and mood), it can definitely make your writing flow easier!

Personally, words distract me when I'm writing, either by breaking my train of thought or by getting me too into the music so that I'm jamming out to my favorite tunes instead of writing.

Therefore, I've amassed a vast knowledge of instrumental music across a variety of media over a course of many years. Now here I am, deciding to share all of them with you!

Maddy’s Favorite Instrumental Songs

Just like the title says. All of the best pieces of instrumental music I've ever heard, compiled together with no regard for genre. It can be a bit of a whiplash playlist, but some amazing recs in there that I just like listening to in my free time, not just for writing.

Maddy’s Ultimate Instrumental Playlist

A mega compilation of 550+ fantastic instrumental music from a variety of media and genres. Kind of a whiplash playlist if you put it on shuffle, but is a great start for anyone looking to find what kind of instrumental music they like! Playlist Groupings in Order: Independent instrumental songs, live action movies, animated movies, animated tv shows, live action tv shows, video games.

Maddy's Instrumental for Sleep

Some more chill vibe instrumental for people who either A) want to sleep or B) want a relaxed playlist that won't distract you with loud volume and sudden changes in tempo or melody.

MISC PLAYLISTS:

you're a haggard adventurer discovering worlds beyond your wildest dreams

Music to inspire wonder and wanderlust, the kind of feeling you get when you finally reach the end of a mountain hike and see the world stretching out before you.

you're a hero who's just lost everything

Basically the most sad instrumental music I could find. A playlist for grief and revenge.

more beneath the cut :)

you're a cowboy in the great American West

Cowboy instrumental for all of your ambient and writing needs. Or if you just really want to feel like a cowboy.

you're a divine witness

Epic choir music (no English). Most religious, some not, but all kind of have that eerie sacred vibe. I listen to this while writing my book about angels and demons.

you’re a scholar uncovering the secrets of the universe

Great chill study playlist! Has the kind of same exploratory/discovery type feel as the haggard adventurer playlist, but more dark academia.

you’re a villain plotting to take over the world

Villain-coded instrumental! Sinister, dark, and/or unsettling.

you're an academic weapon

HIGH BPM STUDY PLAYLIST! Keeps me focused, hyped, and helps me work faster!

you're an ancient god

Playlist that gives an ancient/eerie vibe. But some ancient gods are merciful- so there are some upbeat songs for wonder and awe!

you're falling in love

Music that encapsulates what I think falling in love feels like. Very beautiful, tender, and uplifting instrumental.

you're fighting the final battle

Intense and epic battle music for all of your fight-scene-writing needs! Good for getting shit done, but isn't necessarily restricted to high BPM like the academic weapon playlist.

you're having a tea party

Refined instrumental for a tea party, including classical, big band, and some miscellaneous goodies.

you're in a chase scene

Music for writing chase scenes. Pretty good hype music, too. Includes soundtracks from classic chase scenes in popular media!

you're in the medieval times

Medieval-sounding music for all of your ambient and/or writing needs.

you’re in your childhood room. the door is open a crack. people talk softly downstairs.

A playlist dedicated to nostalgia, to the feeling of lying in bed with your nightlight on after being too tired to stay awake at your family get-together. Could either make your day or break your heart lmao

you're the happiest you've ever been

Lighthearted instrumental meant to lift your spirits! A playlist dedicated to the joys of the little things.

#writing #writers #writeblr #booklr #creative writing #studying #writing playlist #roleplay #writing tips #writing advice #writing help #writing inspo #writing inspiration #inspo #music #music rec #instrumental music

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memoirofasparklemuff1n · 6 months ago

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brutally- r.c. x reader

summary: this is part two of champagne problems-a year after you said no to rafe, you receive a wedding invitation for rafe and sofia's wedding. a/n: this is for the one who asked for part two 🥹 i wrote this at 2 am and my first language isn’t english so bear with me lmaoo, thank you so much to all who've read my silly little story, i honestly didn't think a lot of people would read it. anywayyy i hope you like it <3 warnings: angst (?) depressed reader and low self esteem. oh and swearing lol disclaimer: the reader's depression is based on my own experiences, everybody is different and what i might go through isn't the same as what another person goes through. with that said, if you find any of these topics triggering, i understand! so, please always take care of yourself <3

part 1

seems to me, it's over

i'll get used to it eventually

over and over again, brutally

it's just the way it's meant to be

now your love's no good for me

i closed my eyes listening to the lyrics, my complicated feelings being put into words. it always amazes me how artists could turn pain into art, sadness into poems, and tears into songs. i pulled the covers over my head, darkening the moonlight seeping through my window.

i suddenly heard a knock on my door. i frowned and paused the song, confused. it was 2 am, and i knew that my family would be dead asleep by now, so i started freaking out. i lay still for a moment but ignored it after a while, thinking that maybe i had just imagined it. after all, i haven't exactly been sleeping like i should. insomnia makes you delirious, or so i’ve heard.

knock, knock, knock.

ok, i was definitely not imagining it. i got up quietly and almost tripped on my bunny by accident.

“sorry, baby,” i whispered. i then grabbed a candlestick on my right hand, lifting it in case i needed to hit whoever was behind the door. i mean what kind of burglar would knock? i chuckled nervously as i walked to the door. ugh, it must be jonathan again with his stupid ghost jokes. i took a deep breath and turned the handle with my left hand, swinging the door wide open.

oh, this motherfucker will know to stop messing with me. “jonathan, i swear to god if you’re–,” the words got stuck in my throat. ok, i was officially insane. because there was no way i wasn’t imagining this.

“rafe?” i hissed. “what are you doing here? and how the fuck did you get in?” see? completely irrational, therefore i was hallucinating.

“the front door was open,” he said with wide eyes, clearly trying to look innocent.

i narrowed my eyes, “i personally locked all the doors. so don’t fucking lie to me, or so help me, i will scream.” if i screamed, i knew someone would hear and would come to wake me up.

he smirked, “if you already know the answer, why do you bother asking? also, please scream, i’ve missed hearing it.” what the fuck?! my dreams have never been this vivid. this is it, my own personal hell.

it had been a month since i’d seen rafe and sofia at the beach, and since then i have avoided people even more than before. although on the rare occasions that i did go out, like the grocery store, whispers and covert glances would follow me around like a blood hound.

my eyes were adjusting to the hallway’s darkness, and i noticed that his under eyes were far too like mine. then i saw blood running from his nose, lip, and a bruise was forming on his cheek.

“what happened? oh my god, are you okay?” my voice filled with worry, erasing all the anger i felt because i still cared. more than i should.

“never felt better.” okay maybe not entirely. jerk. i then looked away from his face and saw that his shirt was also soaked with blood. it was so much, and i felt sick. if there was something i hated more than anything it was seeing the boy i loved hurt, even if he did it to himself. hell, more if he was the reason behind it. but why would he come here? of all places?

he still hasn't answered my question, but i figured i’d interrogate him while i cleaned his wounds.

i sigh, then pull him by the arm into my room. that’s when it hit me, alcohol. great.

“sit,” i ordered. “be careful with gia.” i saw a ball of white fur running around happily. strangely enough, she loved rafe, despite him not being around in a long time. she’s just like her mom. oh, fuck off. i left my bedroom to look for band-aids and rubbing alcohol. i grabbed some painkillers and a glass of water to try and sober him up. i paused at the head of the stairs to listen to any signs of my parents being awake. snoring met my ears, and i sighed with relief. i didn’t need to explain why my ex-boyfriend was in my room all bloody while being engaged. engaged. i blinked the tears away, “focus.”

the first thing i see when i get back is gia on rafe’s lap. traitor. he was petting her despite knowing i never let her get on my bed. she loved ripping my sheets far too much when i didn’t give her attention. he looked up and smiled at me. my heart broke a little, or what was left of it anyway.

i take her out of his lap and place her gently on the floor. i swear she looked at me judgingly, but then again, she's just a bunny. a traitor but still a bunny.

“she’s so big already,” he says quietly.

“yeah.” i answer. “she’s a year old.”

he looked surprised, “really?” his blue eyes somehow managed to glow in the darkness. why do they always do that?

i nodded looking down, “it’s been a while.” i repeated the words he’d said to me at the beach.

he furrowed his brow at that, but didn’t answer. i turn around and take the chair from my desk, dragging it to where he’s seated. he’s not looking at me, instead watching my paintings on the walls and the clutter of pencils and paintbrushes on my desk.

“you’re painting again,” he stated. no shit, sherlock.

i nodded again. “inspiration has been coming easily lately.” i left so many things unsaid. i wish i could call myself an artist, an echo of my earlier thoughts.

you consumed me, leaving no trace behind.

i felt like i was back 13 months ago before everything went downhill, about to clean his cuts like i’d done far too many times before. i wish i could heal wounds that were not visible to the naked eye.

i took a ball of cotton and dipped it in the alcohol. i leaned in, avoiding his eyes. those goddamn eyes. “this is going to hurt.”

“i know,” he winced when i pressed the ball to his cut lip. “sorry,” i then pressed it to his brow, noticing a small cut. leaning from my chair to clean his face was harder than i thought. normally, i’d be straddling his lap with his hands around my waist. don't go there.

i tried to keep my breath normal while i put on the band-aids. his gaze was intently on my face, but i avoided his eyes. “done.” i leaned back and then i gathered the used cotton and paper.

“you'll have to look at me eventually.” his voice was hoarse, like he’d been screaming. by his state, i'd be surprised if he hadn't.

“only if you answer my question.” i sat back down and grabbed the alcohol bottle and the pills. i took two out and handed it to him along with the glass. i still didn't look at him.

“i got into a fight.”

“well, thank you captain obvious.” i finally met his gaze and only found sadness in them.

he chuckled without humor, “you asked.”

“you know what i meant.”

he went quiet for a while, staring out the window. i took the opportunity to get a good look at him. i frowned when i noticed he’d lost weight. he looked so healthy at the beach, what happened? his nails were bitten to the quick and his signet ring looked loose around his finger. his shirt had once been blue, but was now deep red. his jeans were also matted with blood and his shoes had dirt and blood on them as well. his hair was longer now, falling to his forehead in a messy manner. he looked oddly beautiful. he always did and it made me want to cry. it was so unfair, why was falling in love so easy but getting out of it borderline impossible? every time i went to sleep, he was there, haunting me in my dreams. i woke up and there he was, everywhere. my clothes, my bed, my hands, my eyes, my fucking heart. it wasn’t his to own, yet he stayed without any intention of leaving.

his eyes met mine and he finally says, “better hear it from me than from somebody else.”

i frowned, “what do you mean?”

“i had a fight with one of your friends.” i clenched my jaw.

“what?!”

“pope, he provoked me,” he looks back at me defiantly.

“pope? rafe, what the fuck?” i was so confused right now.

i’m having a fever dream, i must be. pope was a saint, he wouldn’t hurt anyone and if he did, it would be with good reason. he was the only one of the pogues i talked to the most. after rafe and i broke up, i pushed sarah away and by extension, john b. so because of that, jj talked to me on occasion and kie only ever talked when she hadn’t heard from me in a while. which had become less and less when i stopped putting effort into our friendship. so, the only one left was pope, sweet and kind pope. i could never push him away; he didn’t deserve it. well, none of them really did, but we had a special bond. i think it was because my brother and i had spent the entirety of our only summer camp with him. pope and i were seven and my brother was eight and we were inseparable, the only times we didn’t see each other was when the boys and girls were divided for different activities, which wasn’t often. so right now, i am furious.

“i need an explanation. now!” i remembered to lower my voice, but i almost didn’t care.

“no, wait. you know what? i don’t need to listen to this,” i took a deep breath and closed my eyes, because if i didn’t, i would punch something, preferably rafe.

i turned around and pointed at the door, without looking at him, “get. out. now.”

“no.”

i scoffed and opened my eyes, “what do you mean, no? you don’t get to decide, ok? first of all, we aren’t together anymore. secondly, you broke into my house, drunk and bloody and third, you had a fight with my best friend.” i tightened my fists to control my anger.

“i won’t leave until you hear me out,” he crossed his arms and glared at me.

“i don’t have to hear you out. this is my house, therefore my rules.” oh my god. this is it. i have become my mother.

“fine. let’s go outside then,” he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out the door before i could protest.

“rafe cameron. let me go, right now.” i yanked my arm to no avail, and to be fair i wasn’t strong enough. id lost too much weight and didn’t exercise, although i don’t think that would’ve helped me much if i’m being honest. rafe was freakishly strong.

“no. you’re going to listen to me whether you like it or not.” i could feel him trembling with anger and i hated that my heart started pounding so fast. he’s practically kidnapping you and you’re all excited? what the fuck is wrong with you? oh god, let’s not go there.

i knew there was no point in fighting, so i let him drag me out the front door and down the street to a small playground that we used to spend a lot of time in late at night. i hate that he remembers where it was and that he didn’t hesitate in taking us there.

when he finally let me go, he didn’t face me. i crossed my arms expectantly. i looked around me and saw that all the houses were dark, the moon being our only witness. how i love her. it made me feel a little better that she was lighting our path and, in a way, creating a spotlight on us. cheap shakespearean tragedy again. i started shaking from the cold and hugged my sweatshirt tighter and faced rafe. i hadn’t noticed him looking at me quietly. i felt a little pang in my chest at the familiar gesture.

“well?” i raised an eyebrow, expectantly. he started to fidget and avoided my gaze.

“i—” he looked down and frowned. “i broke up with sofia.”

i took in a sharp breath. ok, i wasn’t expecting that. what the fuck was i supposed to say? he stayed silent and i realized he was waiting for me to say something. “i’m sorry,” i guess. i don’t know.

he scoffed and lifted his eyes to mine. like always, they shined but this time they weren’t as bright. he was sad, i could tell.

“i still don’t see what this has to do with pope and you breaking into my house, though.”

he nodded and walked towards the swing seat that was a few feet away from us. i felt like i had déjà vu in that moment. here was the first time he kissed me. on that very same swing set. i sighed and went to sit on the empty swing by his side.

“remember when we snuck out here and we got drunk for the first time?” he asked.

i laughed, “yeah, i then swore i would never touch alcohol again. my mom was so mad.”

he laughed too, “my dad congratulated me that day, said i was finally a man.”

“what? that’s so unfair,” i feigned annoyance. “my mom locked me up for a week.”

“i did break you out, though.” he pointed out and chuckled.

“the least you could do after making me steal my mom’s liquor,” i smiled and stared at the ground. our laughter died down and all that was left was the bittersweetness of what once was. i was so happy back then; everything was so simple. sure, i’d had my low days but after a while, i started dimming until i turned off. the lightbulb now burnt out, but unlike the real ones, i couldn’t be replaced. a sudden wave of guilt came over me. i ruined everything and for what? i stopped talking to my friends, broke the heart of the love of my life and built a fortress around me, not to keep people out, but to keep myself in. that way i wouldn’t hurt anyone, or so i thought.

“i’m sorry.” i lifted my head, confused.

“for what?” i asked.

“everything.” he looked at me with a tired expression.

“what is everything, rafe?” if anything i should be the one apologizing.

“for pressuring you when you didn’t want to marry me. i knew how you felt about it and i still pushed and ruined what we had. i was selfish and stupid, but i swear i didn’t mean to. i never meant for you to feel like i didn’t respect your boundaries or your beliefs.” i could tell he’d thought about those words for a while. he was so wrong. “rafe—”

“no, please let me finish.” his eyes were glassy, and i swore i could see him burning from the inside. a feeling i knew all too well.

he takes a deep breath and starts talking, “i am not going to deny that i was angry and hurt and that i felt like i was going insane. i spent weeks wondering what i’d done wrong, ways to make you take me back and every time i looked for you at your house, your brother or your mother would turn me away. and i never saw you outside, even months after our breakup.

“and instead of being angry at myself, i began to feel angry at you. why did you do this to me? when you knew how i felt about you and that i would never feel the same way for anybody else.” he gets up and starts pacing, avoiding my gaze and i’m grateful because my heart has somehow broken once more, and rivulets start descending, falling to the ground.

he starts gesturing wildly with his hands and turns to me, “i was broken, ok? you broke me and i started spending my nights at the country club, permanently glued to the bar. i drank away my pain and then this girl started noticing how sad i was. despite me being a jerk to her, she was kind to me and instead of serving me more drinks she started listening to me.” sofia. great. now i have to listen to their love story and how she healed him or whatever. stop being so bitter.

“so, i asked her out and she said yes, and we started dating. for the first time in months, i felt better. like maybe i could be good enough for someone, even if it wasn’t the person i wanted. i locked you away in my head and made sofia my priority. i was petty when i asked her to marry me. i wanted you to see that i had moved on, that it wasn’t that special, and that you’d done me a favor. that i could be happy without you.” i’d stopped looking at him in an attempt to hide my tears.

“but then i saw you at the beach. and all those feelings came crashing back in. that day i wanted to scream at you, kiss you, hurt you, and hold you so hard you couldn’t leave me again. i saw sofia go to you and you looked the same, yet not. when you said you were sick, i figured it was a cold and not the way i hoped. that maybe you were just as miserable as me. then you turned around and i couldn’t stop myself. so, i went to you, and i saw you crying and it took everything in me not to reach out to you. i realized i wasn’t over you and that i never would be. and i’m angry at you because i saw you for less than ten minutes and you somehow managed to destroy everything, i’d worked so hard to build. i hurt sofia badly. she didn’t deserve that, and i hate myself for it and i hate that i still love you.”

i looked up at that, shocked. i suddenly forgot how to speak.

but he had so much more to say because he didn’t stop, “so i broke up with her a few days after that and today, i went to find another place to drink, because she worked at the country club, and i couldn’t go there. you ruined that for me too. you managed to exile me without a word, and i went to the next best thing in kildare. your friend’s restaurant, and there were your stupid friends and my sister talking and laughing. when sarah saw me, she came up to me and i snapped at her, so john b stepped in and then jj and pope came along to kick me out so i punched him and then the others got into the fight as well, until they called the police and told me to leave. and i ended up here without realizing it. because i always come back to you.”

he was breathing heavily as if he’d run a marathon, his words starting to mix. i could only stare at him, and i guess that pissed him off even more.

“answer me for fuck’s sake!” i flinched. he’d never yelled at me like that. first time for everything.

“i—”

“y/n, please. i need you to talk to me because i’m going insane. please, i need a fucking answer. why did you do this to me?” he knelt in front of me, crying. i hate myself so much.

“rafe, i’m sorry,” i sob.

“sorry doesn’t cut it, okay?” his nostrils flared. “i need an explanation for why you left me.”

i take a deep breath and nod. “you’re right. i just- i.”

i sigh and close my eyes, “i didn’t say no because of my views on marriage, ok? i didn’t say no because i didn’t think you weren’t good enough for me, on the contrary. i felt like you deserved so much better than me. i’m pretty shitty, rafe. i didn’t want to ruin things, only to realize it was too late. i just wanted you to be happy, even if that meant with somebody else. somebody who could love you better than i ever could. i hurt you and i’m sorry, it’s the last thing i wanted. i only want you to be happy and i can’t give you that. you’re an amazing person, rafe.” i put my hand on his cheek and wipe away his tears.

“i do love you, rafe. i always have and i always will. i love you so much that i know what you deserve and it’s not me. i’m not ok. i’ll sabotage everything in the end, like i always do. i didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

i felt his features harden under my hand and he got up. he glared at me and his chest started rising and falling angrily.

“what the fuck, y/n? you don’t get to decide what’s good for me. that is my decision, and you didn’t ask me, ok? you went ahead and broke up with me for no clear reason. i know i fucked up by proposing, but we didn’t have to break up. instead, you left me there, alone and with my heart ripped out. it’s such bullshit. i am a grown man, and a relationship is between two people, but instead you decided i wasn’t capable, and you chose for both of us. that is so fucked up, y/n.”

“do you really think this low of me? that i’m an idiot who can’t think? or even worse, that i wasn’t a good enough boyfriend that you felt like i couldn’t help you? is that what this is? you think i’m incompetent? did i do something that made you feel like that? you should’ve told me how you were feeling, not bottle it up and then leave with no explanation. i’m not chopped liver, you know? we were supposed to be there for each other in the good and the bad.”

i looked down at my hands, ashamed. he was right, and it just proved everything i’ve said. “i never meant for it to be this way. i thought i was doing the right thing, ok? and it’s not that i thought you couldn’t handle it, i just didn’t think you should. you’ve had enough problems with your life for me to bring you more. a relationship is of two people, but i wasn’t in the right headspace to be able to maintain it. you couldn’t fix me, and i didn’t expect you to.” i looked up and his face was still wet with tears but was otherwise serious. he stared at me, his gaze hard and his jaw clenched. he was so angry and upset. its all your fault. it always is.

he was quiet for a while and i thought he wasn’t going to speak until he said, “who ever said i wanted to fix you? you don’t need fixing and you’re painting me as if i’m perfect. i’ve had my fair share of fucked up stuff too and you helped me. i just wanted to be there for you, i still do. you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“besides, what good has it done for us to be apart? if anything, we’re worse. i get drunk at least three times a week and you never leave your house. when was the last time you went out with your friends? you think i didn’t know? i talked to sarah sometimes and she always said you were ignoring her and avoiding the others.” his voice started raising again and started walking towards me.

i looked up at the sky, the moon hiding behind clouds. even she’s embarrassed. “i didn’t say it would be good for me, i only meant that it would be good for you.” how many times do i have to say it?

“yeah well, it’s not, ok? it hasn’t been good for me. i want to be with you. and i’m tired of this whole sad girl shit you’ve got going on, alright? you’re not the only one in pain and frankly, you’ve only done more harm than good. your friends don’t deserve your disappearance acts, much less my sister. sarah loves you more than anything, more than she loves me. you’re her sister and you’re being selfish.” i just felt like i’d been slapped in the face. although maybe that would’ve stung less. the worst part is that he’s right, but now i was starting to get pissed off.

so, i did what i always do, hurt them back. real mature.

“there you go, you discovered america. i’m a shitty person and i’m selfish and self-centered and egotistical and a hypocrite. whatever you want to call me, ok? you just proved my point so congratulations on finally figuring it out.” i got up and wiped my tears and began to walk away before i said something else that i’d regret or worse.

he grabbed my arm before i could take another step and sat me back down, “you don’t get to have the last word, ok? when will you finally understand that the thing you were supposedly protecting me and the others from, is precisely your behavior right now. being present before wasn’t hurting anybody, and now, by removing yourself from our lives, you’ve caused exactly what you were trying to avoid. i’m so fucking pissed off with your self-pity. before being your boyfriend, i was your best friend, or at least i thought i was. sarah was your best friend, and you could’ve told her if you didn’t want to talk to me, alright? but this self-isolation is over. you’re only hurting everyone else.” his blue eyes were somehow colder than the night air. i know that what he’s saying is true, but i don’t feel like it is. i’m so overwhelmed that all i want is to rot in my bed alone.

i yanked my arm out of his grip and stood up. “i have enough to deal with without you making it worse. forget about me, ok? its better this way and maybe you should go talk to sofía. she clearly loves you more than me.” i pushed past him and didn’t look back.

something hit me from behind (not in a good way) and i ended up on the ground. “what the fuck?” rafe tackled me. like some fucking nfl player. “dude are you for real?” he flipped me over and pinned my hands over my head. my breath hitched and he noticed. motherfucker.

“i’m not going back to sofia, ok? and you’re not leaving until i say so.” in other circumstances this would be hot, but right now i am exhausted. sure, of course you are. and i really wanted him to kiss me. i was so close to giving in.

“do tell, rafe.” i forced my voice to sound tired, but my heart said otherwise. yeah, his body on top of mine was enough to wake me up. horny bitch. i just really miss him. is that so bad?

he didn’t respond though, he was breathing rapidly, and his gaze fell on my lips, but before i could say something his lips crashed into mine. his hands let go of mine and moved to cradle my face and i threaded my fingers through his hair. shit.

suddenly my body felt alive again, my heart restarting completely and my mind went quiet for the first time in a year. i moaned when he bit my lip softly and he groaned when my tongue trailed his. we fell into that familiar rhythm and suddenly i felt like nothing had changed. i pulled away to breathe but he only took the opportunity to kiss my face and jaw, then down my neck. i tugged at his hair, and he kissed me again, this time rolling us over, so i was on top, with my legs on either side of him. he somehow managed to sit up and his right arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer while his left hand pushed the hair out of my face. this time he was the one that pulled back, only to wrap his other arm around my waist and bury his face in the crook of my neck. i stroked his hair and closed my eyes. i quit all of my resolve and hugged him tighter to me. he spoke first.

“i missed you so fucking much,” his voice cracked, and i then felt something cold slide down my chest. he was crying. and that broke me. i started sobbing and hugged him impossibly tighter, “me too. i love you so much, i’m sorry.” i pressed my lips to his head and inhaled his scent. home. he lifted his face to look at me and his hair fell over his brow. he was so beautiful. the moonlight bathed him over, the planes of his face highlighted, and the shadows became more pronounced. chiaroscuro. a technique i’d never mastered, yet the moon, ever the artist, did so effortlessly.

a tear fell down his cheek and i kissed it away, and before i knew it, i kissed every crevice of his face and whispered i love you’s spilled from my lips. i hated that i was the cause of his pain. when i finally pulled away, his eyes were closed, and i lifted my hand and traced his face like i’d done forever ago. “your freckles are like constellations,” i whispered. he chuckled at the memory and hugged me to his chest.

after a while of us sitting still he said, “don’t leave me again, please.”

i pulled away, put my hands on either side of his face and looked into his eyes. “i’ll stay as long as you want me, but i don’t want to hurt you again.” i meant it.

“you’ll only hurt me if you leave. and i want you to know that i’ll help you get better, but please don’t push me away. i only want you to be happy too, but the way you’re living right now won’t let you achieve that.”

i looked down and nodded, “i’m sorry.”

“i’m sorry, too.” he lifted my chin so i could meet his gaze. “we can do this together, okay? its not about fixing each other, but about supporting one another. you don’t need fixing because you aren’t broken.” my eyes welled up at that and this time he was the one that kissed my tears away.

“just let me in, please.” his lips felt like the perfect antidote, and i knew then that i would be alright, with his help and my friends’.

“ok.” he pulled back when he heard me and smiled, and god how i’d missed that smile.

i smiled back and rested my head on his shoulder. “you really need to change and shower.”

he laughed, “yeah, pope won’t appreciate new fashion choices.”

i laughed too, “i have to see them and apologize. tomorrow. you’re right, i’ve only made things worse.”

“i’ll go with you, if you want. though don’t expect me to apologize.”

i slapped his shoulder, “rafe!”

“fine, then i won’t go.” i narrowed my eyes at him.

“you have to apologize, or i won’t talk to you for a week.”

his eyes widened, panicked. “fine, ill go. just please don’t do that.”

i didn’t expect that reaction to be fair. “i was joking, i’m sorry.”

“well, it wasn’t funny,” he pouted. why is he so cute? i’m so down bad.

“ok ok.” i stand up and offer my hand for him to stand up. he takes it but once he’s up he doesn’t let go.

as we walked up to my house, i realized he can’t stay with me.

“are you going home?” i ask.

rafe looks down at me, “are you that desperate to get rid of me?”

i roll my eyes, “you know that’s not what i meant.”

“hmm, better be. but to answer your question, yeah. although i was hoping you’d come with me.”

i stop at that, “i can’t, my mom will get worried.”

he groans frustrated. “can’t you just say you left to stay with a friend?”

i raise an eyebrow at that, “she’ll never believe that, especially at this hour.”

“i meant like leave a note. but i can stay with you, unless you want me to go. i have clothes in my truck, if that’s what you’re worried about.” he stops and looks at me expectantly. his offer is tempting but i can’t help but feel like we’re going too fast.

“i don’t want you to go and id love to stay with you, but maybe we should stay away for tonight. i feel like its too sudden.” his frowns at that, but nods though i can tell he’s a little annoyed.

“yeah, i guess you’re right.” he looked like he wanted to say something else and after seemingly thinking about it for a bit he says, “i just don’t want to be alone tonight.” me neither.

i nod, “ok, but get your clothes first.” his eyes light up and he nods before letting go of me to head towards his truck. when he gets back, we go up the stairs quietly and i tell him to go shower while i set the bed. we used to do this countless times when we were together. i usually took a couple of weighted blankets and draped them over us so my parents wouldn’t notice he was there, although they probably wouldn’t come in tomorrow, or today, because they had work early. i’d still lock my door just in case, that way i’d be alerted if they tried to get in. i jump, startled, when the door opens, and rafe comes in. he’s wearing a sweat set and is barefoot. he chuckles at the sight of the bed, “that never gets old.” gia suddenly hops onto my bed, and i lift her up and kiss her. “you know you can’t be here.” i then set her down and she runs under my desk, but not before stomping her back feet in annoyance. i feel rafe hug me from behind and kiss the top of my head, now smelling of my shampoo and soap.

“nice fragrance,” i giggle.

“thank you, it’s from a very exclusive shop in paris.” he says in an arrogant manner.

“oh, my bad, my lord.”

“apology accepted, my lady.” he picks me up and throws me onto the bed, before enveloping us with the blankets. after snuggling in my small bed, i kissed his cheek. “i love you.”

he hugs me tighter and kisses me softly, “i love you, too.”

part two <333 @lissylopez i hope you like it <3

divider creds: @anitalenia

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yanderecrazysie · 3 months ago

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Crimson Crown (Yandere Azul)

Title: Crimson Crown

Pairings: Yandere! Azul Ashengrotto x F! Reader

AU: My Fantasy AU

WARNINGS: yandere themes, murder, swearing

Note: Please do not ask for a part 2. This is a standalone.

It all started at the annual Drowned Waltz.

You were the black sheep of your family, always playing with magic and learning new spells despite your father’s outspoken distaste of such things. It was common knowledge that, despite you being the older twin and destined for the throne, that your sister, Lenna, was much more suited for the role of queen.

But tonight, you would be the most important member of your family. Men would swarm you, asking for a dance, hoping to catch the future queen’s eye and be wed to you someday. You had your pick of Octanivelle’s best.

You could hardly wait.

Your maid tightened your corset until you could barely breathe, then pulled your dress over your head. It was a poofy, gaudy thing- one you’d normally never wear, but for tonight, you would make an exception. At the very least, it matched the silvery tail that took the place of your legs.

A pearl necklace was placed around your neck as the finishing touch, before the maid started on your hair. Minutes later, your hair was braided beautifully and makeup applied flawlessly.

“Thank you,” you said to the maid, checking yourself out in the mirror. Everything had to be perfect.

The poofy dress matched your pink, fish-like tail’s shimmering scales. You tried to smooth the dress a little- it was so constricting and uncomfortable- but it did no good. Anyways, tonight was not about comfort.

“Your Highness, it’s time,” the voice of a royal guard reached your ears. You exhaled softly and opened the door.

His voice seemed more clipped and formal than usual. As the two of you glided down the hallway, you considered asking him why, but you arrived at the grand hall too quickly for you to gather up the courage.

The grand hall was filled with merpeople. From the ceiling hung chandeliers with bewitched fire flickering on the candles. Different colored jellyfish floated up to the ceiling, casting spotlights from between their tentacles.

As expected, everyone turned to you as you walked in. For a moment, there was silence, then the merpeople erupted into applause. You curtsied and glided over to your father, head held high.

Lenna, your younger twin sister, floated near the far wall, graceful as always, light blonde hair perfectly braided, and her sapphire tail far more striking than your own muted pink scales. But tonight, it didn’t matter that Lenna was far better than you in nearly every way. She could glimmer all she wanted- she was merely a royal accessory tonight.

Tonight, you were the crown jewel.

“Your Highness,” a deep voice called out to you. You turned to face a tall, handsome man with dark hair.

“Hello,” you said coolly.

He smiled, “May I have the honor of having the first dance with you?” You recognized him as a businessman, a very successful one at that.

“You may.”

The crowd parted as you and the stranger made your way to the center. Music began to play and the two of you began to dance. He was only the first- many men clamored to ask for your attention as soon as the song was over. You danced and danced, wondering with each man if he’d be the one you’d spend the rest of your life with.

Finally, the king called for attention. You drifted away from your current partner and looked up at your father. He looked frailer than ever before, standing over the balcony while gripping it tightly to stand.

“Now, as you all know, I have not much time left on Wonderland,” the crowd let out sad sounds, “But I worried about our future too much to leave it as it is.”

Suddenly, you had a bad feeling about where this was going.

“I spoke to the priest and he advised me that ‘the eldest sibling does not matter in the case of twins’. Therefore, I do not have to choose (Y/n) as the next queen.”

The silence was deafening. Your heart was beating so loudly that you were sure everyone could hear it.

“Lenna will be our next queen!”

Your world was falling apart. You wished the ground would swallow you up so that you would not see your sister’s smug grin nor the way the crowd rushed to surround her. No one seemed to care that you were breaking into pieces.

You turned and swam over to the wall, sliding down into a seated position and burying your face into your hands. No one cared enough to see you crying, they were too busy congratulating the new crown princess.

The music started back up, drowning out your hiccupping sobs. You knew your father disliked your love for magic and that Lenna was more traditionally princess-y… but for him to drop this on you?

It felt like a betrayal from the only family member you had even the slightest love for.

“May I have this dance?” came a smooth voice.

Slowly, you took your hands off your undoubtedly puffy face and looked up. A man with white hair and beautiful eyes held out his hand to you. His face showed no pity for you, just simple interest.

“I think you may have just arrived,” you said, forcing the sadness out of your voice, “You’re looking for my sister, Lenna.”

“No, I don’t think I am,” he replied with a small laugh. You put your hand in his and allowed him to pull you to your feet, “You’re the princess who likes magic, correct?”

Your eyes lit up, “Y-yes, I love magic. I’ve learned nearly every spell in the books I have.”

“Well, I have just the thing for you then,” he smiled, “Jade, please fetch the spellbook.”

You watched as a mer-eel swam out of the grand hall, sharp-toothed grin on his lips. You were confused, excited, and still miserable.

“May I have this dance?” he asked once more.

You peeked at your sister, surrounded by men, and nodded. You didn’t want to be alone.

The two of you danced through several songs, asking things about each other the whole time, until you felt as though you knew him very well. Azul Ashengrotto, owner of the Mostro Cafe chain. Why on earth he felt like giving you attention you couldn’t understand.

The clock struck midnight, signaling the end of the Drowned Waltz with its chimes. Azul gently raised your hand to his lips and laid a gentle kiss on the back. “It’s rare that I meet someone who doesn’t say something about my mer-form.”

“Huh?” you looked down at the black-and-purple tentacles, “Oh! I think octopi are cool.”

“Do you?” Azul sounded amused as he gently cupped your chin in one hand, “I think you’re even cooler than I imagined.”

The mer-eel handed over a large black spellbook with a tattered cover. You took it, surprised by how heavy it was.

“I believe you’ll find some use in this,” Azul said with a smile, removing his hand from your face and turning to walk away, “And I believe we’ll be seeing each other very soon.”

“Goodbye,” you said with a wave.

As soon as he and the other guests left, you turned to glare at your father. To think that you had been looking for ways to magically heal him! How could he betray you like this?

You were distracted for too long- Lenna slammed her shoulder into yours and leered at you, “Poor baby, not even your own father thinks you’re good enough. How pathetic.”

You turned your lips up into a sneer, “Go fuck yourself.”

“I won’t need to- men are already lining up to f-”

You stormed past your sister, heading to the library. No one ever went there except you. It was your private room to practice magic or read, all alone- the way you liked it.

Slamming the library door in anger, you walked over to the nearest desk and placed the new spellbook on it. You opened it gently so that the tattered cover wouldn’t come off completely.

Immediately, your excitement piqued. You had never seen any of these spells! This must be a more advanced spellbook! You flipped through the pages, not sure what to try first.

A healing spell caught your eye. You ran to the window and grabbed a wilting flower’s pot. This would be your guinea pig.

You read through the spell instructions and were confused. It said to get something alive as well as injured. Shrugging it off, you grabbed a flower pot with a perfectly healthy flower. Then, you read the incantation, pointing your hand at the wilting flower.

Immediately, tendrils of red shot from your hand. One tendril encased the healthy flower, while the other swallowed up the wilting flower. In front of your eyes, the healthy flower slowly became wilty and the wilted flower began to perk up.

You swallowed heavily. Red magic… the magic forbidden by Wonderland entirely. It was no wonder it was forbidden. In order to heal the wilted flower it killed the healthy one. You reached a hand out and touched the petals of the once-blooming flower and it crumbled to dust.

Still, this was magic you hadn’t learned yet. What was the harm in learning the spells, as long as you never planned to use them on a person?

Inspired by this thought, you flipped the book open to a random page. An explosive spell that seemed simple enough…

A half hour passed with you experimenting with spells. You were so engrossed in the book that you didn’t notice the red, transparent figure forming next to you.

“I see you like my spells,” an echo-y voice said.

You jumped and spun around, “A-Azul?”

“Don’t look so afraid,” he chuckled, “I’m here to help you.”

Hours went by as Azul showed you how to use red magic. You improved with practice and with each spell, Azul seemed to grow clearer and less transparent.

“You’re a natural,” he purred, “Much more talented than your sister.”

You stiffened at the mention of Lenna, your fists clenching. Lenna the perfect princess. Lenna who could do no wrong. Yet, Azul wasn’t praising her.

He was praising you.

“You’re right,” you said slowly, “Lenna could never do this.”

Azul’s lips curled into a smirk, “No, she couldn’t.”

He leaned in close to your ear and in a deep whisper he asked, “Do you want to see something special?

“Special?”

“Come with me.”

His hand seized your wrist and he pulled you through the open window. The two of you swam up to the shore, changing into your human forms. Azul whispered a levitation spell and the two of you floated to the top of a watchtower.

“What-” Azul placed a hand over your mouth, cutting you off. You looked at him questioningly.

He pointed to the other side of the tower, where Lenna stood with her back to you. Your smile turned into a grimace. Azul smiled down at you and said, with the utmost calm…

“Push her.”

You stared at him in shock. Push her? Push your sister? There was no way you could do that!

“Don’t you want your rightful spot as queen? Push her!”

Lenna didn’t seem to hear Azul’s voice, but you knew she would be able to hear yours if you dared to speak.

You crept closer to Lenna, who remained with her back towards you. Could you really do it? Could you kill your sister?

“Do it,” Azul hissed, “Do it for us.”

You closed your eyes for a moment, before opening them again with determination. You shot forward, your hands landing on Lenna’s back. You pushed with all your might.

She had no time to react, plummeting to the ground below with a short, cut off scream. You heard the sound of her body hitting the ground below and knew that you would hear that splat in your head for the rest of your life.

Azul’s arms wrapped around you. “You did well.” He pulled you into a kiss and, despite your mixed feelings of what just transpired, you melted into it.

—-------------------------

You watched as the royal guards lowered the second coffin into the grave. Your father had died, probably from the shock of learning the crown princess had died.

A bittersweet ceremony would take place later. You would be crowned queen. It was all you ever wanted, especially with Azul by your side.

The more you used red magic, the clearer his form became. Soon, he was no longer transparent at all. He stood beside you at the funeral and, later, during your coronation.

“Finally,” he breathed, “You’re exactly where you belong.”

You touched the crown on your head with reverence.

“You owe me,” Azul said suddenly, “You will choose me to be wed to.”

You blinked in surprise. Of course, you were already in love with Azul, but to get married? You weren’t sure you were ready for that.

Before you could protest, Azul’s hands curled around your shoulders, fingernails biting into your skin. “You belong to me. I made you queen, you will make me king.” His eyes were crazed, “I love you, you know.”

You looked down at your tail. He loved you? Did you really feel that strongly for him?

“Marry me or I’ll tell everyone how Lenna died,” Azul snapped. Then, as though he regretted saying that, he said softly, “It’s okay, I know you’re nervous. It’s normal to be nervous. But I’ll take such good care of you.”

You swallowed back your doubts and nodded.

You loved him too, didn’t you?

Then why did it feel like you were selling your soul to the devil?

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere one shot #one shot #twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere azul #azul ashengrotto

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mysunshinetemptress · 1 year ago

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Not Strong Enough

Alexia Putellas x reader

Warnings: angst, relationship issues/breakdown

“Well I’m fucking sorry I’m not her Ale.”

“No you’re not your just a fucking disappointment.”

You stood frozen looking into the fridge cleaning up from a dinner you had made hours ago that Alexia hadn’t even bothered showing up for. You turn slowly looking at the clock behind her head “I don’t want to do this right now.” Alexia shook her head “no I’m so fed up with you, why honestly why can’t you just be like her.” You shook your head looking at the floor feeling your throat close “I don’t know why, I am the way I am I’m sorry I’m not her.” You couldn’t believe you where apologising, you had done nothing wrong but she was Alexia Putellas, La Reina she deserved someone who could match that she deserved Jenni Hermoso and no matter how hard you tried you never got close enough. You shook your head as Alexia just stared at you looking for a fight but you didn't have the energy instead looking up at the ceiling thinking of the ring that burnt a whole in your dresser wishing to be used, you had it all planned out but you saw that future slowly slipping away as Alexia began shouting again so loud you could barley here the song "Boys Don't Cry" playing from the speaker.

You turned to look at her as continued shouting about how much of a disappointment you where to hear, how you would never be enough and you wanted to look at her and hate her for her words but you found yourself believing them and therefore you couldn't hate her if you agreed with her. As the older girl continued to compare you to her ex you couldn't help but think of how you would never be able to be enough for her like Jenni was, you didn't play football, you weren't famous or an influencer you worked a desk job, a 9-5 week in and week out, you didn't have trophies or medals adorned with your name across them you simply had an office where you added up numbers how could an accountant from A Coruna.

You where simply an angel not a god like Jenni, no never a god

You couldn't move as Alexia shouted out all of the ways Jenni was better then you and you felt yourself suddenly begin to realise what was about to happen. This was it the ring in your dresser wasn't screaming at you to get out and be placed on Alexia fingers your mind wasn't telling you to fit the energy was gone.

"SAY SOMETHING" you looked up at Alexia as your eyes refocused and you where pulled back to present time "What do you want me to say Ale" you sighed heavily tired of it all "See this is what I mean at least Jenni would talk to me, communicate her feelings with me you shut off." you subbed your eyes god did they feel heavy. "Theres no point." you moved to the drawer taking out your car keys before heading upstairs to pack your bag.

Alexia stood shocked as you waled past her to the front door "At least Jenni would fight for us you are walking away such a disappointment." you turned shaking your head. "Yes Alexia such a disappointment like you already said, like you have said since this relationship started, I'm done I...I can't take the constant fights after you realise I'm not here and then feel the need to take it out on me its...its not fair.. and the sad part is I tried to be her but I'm sorry I failed at that because I can't....I am me and I thought you loved me for that but clearly I was wrong." Alexia shook her head "Don't make it out like I'm the bad guy you....you only got with me for my name for my status." You looked at her in disbelief how could she ever think that.

"I have loved you before your injury, I have loved you during your injury and the sad part is I will love you long after this injury is healed and you are back to La Reina but I won't be in the stands, who would want such a disappointment of a girlfriend screaming for their return no."

You chucked the keys at her as you walked out the door. Done with never being enough for her always being a disappointment and falling short for always only being an Angel and never a God, for never being Jenni Hermoso

#awfc #woso #woso fanfics #woso one shot #woso imagine #alexia putellas x y/n #alexia putellas #la reina #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #Alexia putellas x you #barca femeni #la roja

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arielleslipgloss · 1 year ago

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It Girl Habits!!

(none of these photos are mine)

“You cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours.” - Anne Hathaway

Stay busy!! Do you see those it girls like Serena Van Der Woodsen scrolling on their phone all day? No, you rarely do. It girls are always busy doing something. So, therefore do some self care, study, workout, read, journal, go shopping, go on solo dates, hang out with friends, paint, have a dance party, etc. Do fun activities and take care of yourself. Another example of a busy it girl is, Elle Woods. Elle Woods wasn’t becoming one with the couch everyday. She had goals to achieve. She had people that doubted her to prove wrong. So get up! Start planning out your day or week. Start making goals!!

Have goals! You wanna know why you’re bored all the time? Well, it’s because you have no goals. You practically don’t have a life because all you do is sleep, eat, scroll, and repeat. You’re wasting time doing nothing. You could’ve had a clean room by now. Maybe you could have finished that book. Whatever it is, you could have had it. You could’ve been 1% better than yesterday. You don’t though because you have no goals. That time you’re wasting, can be used toward your goals. It can be used toward your dream life. Maybe, you do have goals? Yet you don’t even take action. What are you waiting for? For someone to do the work for you? No, get up and start taking action.

Be mindful of what you consume online!! Just like how who you surround yourself with affects you. What you consume online affects how and who you are. For example, listening to sad music makes you feel sad. Music is meant to tell a story that you feel deeply. You may not even relate to the song, but you feel as if you do. So, you become sad and continue to listen to sad music. When listening to uplifting music you gain confidence. You still feel like you relate to the song. Just with a more positive effect. As for what you watch and read. Don’t read/watch stuff that will put you down. Watch/read content that will help you.

Complimenting yourself every time you pass the mirror!! Some may say it’s cringy, but DO IT. Would you rather be cringy or be the best version of yourself? Exactly, so either say it out loud or in your head. Say it even if you might not believe it. Say it because you deserve it! Try to be creative with your compliments. Not all compliments have to be about your looks. It could be your personality, your thoughtfulness, how creative you are, etc. Also loosen up, be your own hype girl. When you see the mirror you could say, “Omg I look like the main character.” “Oh wait, I am!” Lastly, don’t forget to have fun with hyping yourself up.

Mediating or journaling when stressed!! When stressed we start to feel a lot of tension. So, that’s why meditating is so important to do when stressed. All you have to do is sit down and focus on breathing. Plus, It calms down your nerves, relaxes the mind, body, and soul. Not just that, but plenty of other benefits. Which includes, helps focus, betters mood, helps you sleep, slows down aging, etc. As for journaling, it’s practically free therapy! That is, at least in my eyes. All you need is a notebook, a pen or pencil, and yourself. Journal what’s making you stressed or anxious. Let all your emotions out, write freely. Your words don’t have to make sense. Nor do you need to have perfect writing. In fact, when you journal it may be all over the place. However or whatever you write, just let it out.

Expressing your gratitude!! Life is so beautiful and has so much meaning. So, either write down what you’re grateful for or thank God. You are so blessed to be here today. That is only just one thing to be grateful for. There are so many things to be grateful for, air, family, friends, your mind, being born as you, water, books, food, shoes, clothes, and so much more!! Express your gratitude everyday. It could be the most random thing like, a poster. As long as you’re truly grateful, then express it.

7. Having a low screen time!! Cliché, I know but it’s true. Your devices are consuming you. Think about what you use your device(s) for. Good examples are, for work, for motivation, tips, workout videos, inspiration, knowledge, and maybe even faith reasons. Now here are bad examples, procrastinating, sinning, hating on others, scrolling, because you’re bored, to watching videos of people that make you insecure, and lastly to cope with something. Which to clarify, trying to cope by using your phone, I understand somewhat. On the other hand, it could make what you’re coping with worse. I say that because there are so many studies on why our phone is bad for us. Seriously, so many and we are completely unaware of the damage it does. So for that reason, try to use your phone only for the good. I know you’re probably going to make an excuse. Which we all do and that’s ok, but please try.

8. Encouraging yourself to do better!! You should always be working hard to be 1% better everyday. So on the days you don’t feel like doing anything, encourage yourself. Show up for yourself, you will be so happy after. Lastly, trust yourself to get whatever done!!

9. Having a healthy sleep schedule!! For me, I try to aim for 8-11 hours of sleep. For others, it may be 7-10 hours of sleep. Whatever makes you feel the most well-rested should work. Just try to be consistent and mindful of the time. I also recommend to be off your phone for at least 30-60 minutes before going to bed. It will improve how you sleep a lot. That also being said, try not to be on your phone when you wake up either. It’ll help improve your health by a lot. Especially, the health of your brain and eyes. As I had mentioned, try to be consistent. Set a certain time to go to bed and turn off your phone. Then, get your lovely beauty sleep gorgeous!!

10. CLEANING!! The last habit is, cleaning. Now, I don’t just meaning cleaning your room or house. I mean even your body and mind. For starters, a clean room equals a clean mind. Therefore, stop procrastinating and start cleaning. Turn on some fun music and maybe even romanticize cleaning. Just make it fun and DEEP clean. I know someone reading this has been procrastinating on cleaning. You know who you are, so clean everything. Then, for cleaning the mind a little extra meditate. I feel like I already went over a bit about meditation. So lastly, for the body, take your showers consistently. Also, please wear deodorant. I see way too many people nowadays not wearing deodorant. Seriously, wear your deodorant.

“Always walk around like you have on an invisible tiara on.” - Paris Hilton

Remember, always apply lip gloss and stay pretty! Love you, dolls 💋

Info I used: https://reallifecounseling.us/blog/benefits-of-meditation

My Pinterest: @arielleslipgloss

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thoughtsonkm · 9 months ago

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Goodbye, for now

BABY? HONEY? BOYFRIEND SHOT? Jikook you're too much!

This episode was truly the best way to end the show, maybe even the best episode of the series. (Neck in neck with episode 2 of course) The way they enjoyed it so much but were also so sad it was over. The hot tension all around, the soft boyfriends mood who can't stop flirting and name calling each other with the most low-key couple-like sweet names. They could not stop laughing, they could not stop touching and they couldn't stop being hilarious without even trying.

SK Spotify daily chart end of November 2023 :

Jimin Jungkook Jimin Jungkook Jimin Jimin

It would be such a full circle moment if Jimin posted the boyfriend photo (which won't happen). Would almost be like a soft launch of some sort.

Not the underwear too?? Gosh I love my little gay freaks!! (didn't understand why Jimin would quote their 'yet another inner joke meme' right at that moment but I've learned to not question their inner workings)

Sorry but i have to be pretty one last time and say that I kinda had enough of seeing so much from the crew around or even in Jikook's shots and angles. It breaks the fourth wall a little too much and ruins the whole bubble idea. Ok I'm done lol

Returning to the issue at hand, the "seeing the beds for the first time" scene keeps getting funnier and funnier. As if they don't already have designated sides of the bed 😏

Ah the never ending bickering gives me life. Peep the half korean half english talk when they playfully get on each others nerves 👀😂

I better not speak on the scuzzi jacuzzi shenanigans cause otherwise.. Let's just say the photo speaks for itself..

NO YOU KNOW WHAT IMMA SPEAK. We all know that jacuzzi time is always intimate, relaxing and personal for people that's why I wish Jikook had enjoyed it fully without cameras. Yes I'm pissed on their behalf, that they had to film the whole thing with 382929 different angles. lol

His face is literally saying "oh so you're really gonna make me do it huh? if I was in your place I would've folded immediately and would've never let you go through with it!!" 😂

No one ever:

Jikook every 2sec : HONEY OH HONEY

(I was actually listening to the song while writing this and idk why it's so funny to me even tho it's a sad love ballad)

They must've loved getting the chance to at least see one episode of the show, plus the idea of watching it together..

Jungkook being so entertained by it meanwhile Jimin being mortified about half of the things that happened. HILARIOUS

HAHAHHAHAHA all parties were concerned if they'd be able to pull it off, I can't

BEST BELIEVE they're always gonna find a way to touch. Consciously or unconsciously.

This show made me realize that my favourite thing ever is Jk making food for Jimin, then making him hysterically laugh and therefore getting to hear Jimin's adorable giggles.

"Hello it is I the one and only, the only one who can touch Jimin's head ble ble ble ble" - JK

Jk was like: How can you imagine Jimin without me in your dream? Are you crazy? What is this delusional dream world you live in Jin hyung??

Tbh it's so meaningful and a huge thing saying that these trips were literally the best trips of your life. I think the statement almost went over people's heads.

I can't get enough of Jimin looking pretty and cuddly and Jungkook's immediate thought being: I HAVE TO FILM YOU

Them saying they can do a reboot when they come back gave me some hope that maybe just maybe this is not the end of AYS 😭

The ending bonus clip left me fulfilled but also sad and with goosebumps all over.

Thank you Jimin & Jungkook for letting us peek into this trip and getting to witness some of your precious moments.

Signing off, J&J 🥹

Ps. So I'm guessing the 52 minute video that comes with the photobook is probably the 3 bts videos combined that they've been reviewing for 48392 months right?

#I really enjoyed this review series #jikook #kookmin #jimin #jungkook #bts #bangtan #are you sure?!#jikook travel show #ep. 8 #september 2024 #final episode😭

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holdmytesseract · 4 months ago

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moodboard by @chennqingg | divider by @fictive-sl0th

Biker!Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader | No Outbreak AU

Warnings for this Chapter: heartbreak, sadness, LOTS of music, Daryl? Merle being Merle, swear words, 'sibling fight', smoking, strip club, a specific TWD character, allusions to smut, lots of emotions

Word Count: 3,7k

a/n: I love this chapter with all my heart. I hope you like it, too. ☺️

《 M a s t e r l i s t 》

《 Chapter Seven 》《 Chapter Nine 》

Chapter Eight...

... in which you turn a new page in the book of life - still dealing with your broken heart, and Daryl is about to pay a high prize for a life-changing realisation.

《 musical inspiration 》

Both of them are self-explaining, you'll see.

I'm fallin' back down here now, baby (Baby) My mind is collapsing, I'm crazy (Crazy) I'm fallin' back down here now, baby, now, baby (Baby) 'Cause I lost the game, I can't get lower 'Cause your pain it's takin' over Lost the game, I can't get lower Lost the game, lost the game, the game

'Lost The Game' by Two Feet

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months - but the aching pain in your chest only died down slowly. One day you felt it more, the other less, but it was always present. Daryl Dixon had left a scar as deep as the Pacific ocean - that much was clear.

Eventually, you found a way to cope and (hopefully) get over him... You spent a lot of time working on the farm - more than ever before; basically everything to keep your mind occupied. Arrow played a big part in your 'recovery' as well. Sure, the palomino Mustang stallion had always played a big role in your life, but nowadays? He was indispensable. Long rides, endless hours of cuddling in the straw and grooming was how you mostly spent your days. No more going out, no more setting a single foot in that damned bar. Work, Arrow and your family (mostly Tess) was all you needed... Oh, and music...

With eyes closed, you sat at the piano; fingers dancing over the keys blindly. You had learned to play as a kid and despite losing it quite a bit throughout high school, college and your teenage years, you found your way back to it. Now even more - thanks to a broken heart. And it helped you... Oh, it helped you so much. It was like balm on a wound...

"But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

'Cause I knew everything when I was young

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

Chasin' shadows in the grocery line

I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired

And you'd be standin' in my front porch light

"And I knew you'd come back to me

You'd come back to me

And you'd come back to me

And you'd come back", you sang, still with eyes closed and therefore not noticing your sister, who came to stand in the doorway of the living room. Tess crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door frame; listening to you with a soft, yet sad smile on her face.

"And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone's bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite," you ended 'cardigan' with a soft sigh and reopened your eyes; almost falling off your chair, when Tess' voice suddenly urged to your ears. "You are so good at that, I swear."

"Tess!" You squeaked and turned around; hand clutching your rapidly beating heart. "How many times have I told you to not sneak up on me like that?!"

She giggled and lifted her hands as a sign of an apology. "Sorry, sis, but I couldn't help myself but to stop by and listen. It's beautiful, truly." You gave her a small smile; shock disappearing. "Thank you..." But the smile quickly faded again, when your thoughts travelled back to the lyrics of the song. "Beautiful, yet sad...," you whispered. "He... He won't come back..."

Tess' expression turned soft. Compassionate. "I know..." But she quickly tried to lift your mood again and changed the topic. "You should take it with you to university, you know," your sister gestured towards the musical instrument in front of you. You breathed out a small laugh and shook your head. "I wish I could, but... You know I can't take this beauty all the way to Florida. It most likely wouldn't survive and that would break my heart." You sighed and shrugged your shoulders. "Guess I just have to hope that there's a piano somewhere on the campus..."

Now that the future with Daryl you had printed out in your mind had literally shattered into pieces like glass, you decided to do as your sister told you from the very beginning... Focus on your future. So, that's what you did. You applied to university in Gainesville - and got accepted. That meant, you'd leave in a few weeks - two, to be precise. Late August. The first semester started in September, but you needed time to move, of course. This wasn't just done in a day... But it was a fresh start, and probably exactly what you needed.

"Well, I truly hope for you that there is. You have to keep on taking your medicine - especially with Arrow not being around..." You nodded; sighing again. Of course, you couldn't bring the piano - and neither could you bring your horse... "Yeah, I know." Tess nodded. "Promise me you'll be okay." "Yeah, I will."

While you got settled in Gainesville - so far from home, and turned a new page in the book of life, was quite a few miles away Daryl living the life he had chosen a long time ago... Work, bikes, bars, cigarettes and alcohol from time to time. Usually, you could add 'strip club' to the list as well, but since the workshop was busier than usual with the motorcycle season being still in full swing, was the man way too occupied for some fun besides an occasional wank in the shower or on the small sofa at home - and it showed.

That was at least what the people around him thought, with Merle leading the way. Too much work and stress plus too less chances to relief said stress, equalled bad moods and grumpiness.

Not that Daryl didn't think the same. He did. It felt like a hole in his body he just didn't manage to fix just yet. Lack of sex (and probably bike trips) was his diagnosis. The biker didn't even waste a single thought that it could be something entirely different - or... Didn't he want to consider another option?

Anyways... He was in a bad mood - since weeks. So bad, that all of his fellow mechanics avoided conversations with him; only getting involved in a conversation when it was necessary. As for Daryl, he couldn't care less about it. He was good on his own. Probably even better on his own...

With an revving engine drove the biker back on the courtyard of his brother's workshop; slowing down. Slowly, Daryl manoeuvred the dark blue and white Yamaha he had been working on the past few days back inside the open workshop, past his colleagues and all the way through to the little hall at the end, where he killed off the engine and dismounted the bike.

Just as he was about to leave the hall and light a cigarette, his older brother made his way over to him. Sweat and grime stained his white top. "Where the fuck have ya been?" Daryl scoffed at Merle's question and lit the cigarette dangling off his mouth. "Christ's sake, ain't I even allowed ta gas up a bike without tellin' ya?" He snapped; clouds of smoke puffing past his lips. "Don't need ya ta mother me."

Merle immediately lifted his hands in surrender; chuckling. "Woah there, calm down, baby brother. What's wrong with ya, huh? Been actin' like a dick since weeks." Again, Daryl scoffed and wanted to brush past the older Dixon, "'M fine. Ain't nothing wrong." but he didn't get far. His brother stepped in his way. "Look, Darlina... I know it's been kinda stressful 'round here lately. We all are stressed, eh? But that ain't a reason to smell up the whole workshop with yer bad mood like a shitfaced alcoholic, got it?" Daryl grunted in response and tugged at his blue mechanic overall in annoyance with his free hand. "Yer in desperate need ta blow off steam, baby brother. Get some pussy. It'll make ya feel better," Merle clapped harshly Daryl's shoulder and passed him by, laughing. "Go, or I'll drag yer sorry ass single-handed to the 'White Rabbit'!" He called over his shoulder with a wide smirk.

The younger Dixon just scoffed once more and lifted his hand to show Merle his gloriously raised middle finger - what caused his brother to only laugh more.

"Asshole..." grumbled Daryl under his breath and took another long drag of his cigarette, before the biker occupied himself with work again.

The 'White Rabbit' - the probably best and most visited strip club around. Good music, relatively tasty alcohol and one hell of a few strippers. A few of them willing to... even provide some extra service - if the money and circumstances were right. He had spent a lot of time in his youth and early 20s there... To say these nights had been wild was probably an understatement.

However, it was a place Daryl didn't seek out for quite a while... Months.

Now, he stood in front of the brightly lit, small building; taking the last few drags of his cigarette. It was a strangely pleasant warm Saturday evening, despite the fact that it was late September. Nevertheless, had the biker opted for a long-sleeved black shirt underneath his angel-winged vest.

Throwing the stub of the cigarette on the concrete ground beneath him, he stubbed it out with the tip of his shoe and adjusted his sunglasses, before he took a last look at his bike. Then he crossed the street to follow his brother's advice to hopefully get laid - which depended if she was present or not. If not, he could probably manage to walk out with a blowjob. Better than nothing.

As soon as he stepped through the neon illuminated doors, he took off his sunglasses. The familiar scent of alcohol, cold smoke and several different perfumes wafted through the air and hit him like a freight train. Hell, he wasn't used to it anymore...

He walked down the small hallway; always following the bright, colourful neon lights. A few men passed him by, while he passed by two strippers. One of them he knew well. The other not really.

"Hey, hun," the athletic, tanned, black haired beauty leaned against the wall; wearing nothing more than a flimsy, shimmering dress - and a smile. A cigarette was pinned between her pointer and middle finger. "Long time no seen." The biker stopped, of course, in his tracks; not wanting to be impolite. "Hey, Roxy," he jutted his chin as a greeting and just couldn't help himself but to let his eyes travel over the woman's body. He was just a man after all...

Roxy noticed it, of course. It was hard not to. Daryl wasn't quite subtle, but she brushed it off and just smiled. It's not like she wasn't used to it. And besides, that was what she was here for, right? It was her job.

"Yeah, uh, been busy, ya know..." The biker finally replied. "Workshop going well?" He nodded; still trying to keep his eyes on Roxy's face. "Uh.Huh, yeah." The woman opposite him smiled and took a drag of her cigarette. "Good to hear." Once more, Daryl just nodded.

It was quiet for a moment, before he spoke up again. "Is, uh, you know who here?" She nodded with a knowing smile. "She is. You're lucky. Had to jump in for Chrissie tonight." "A'right. I'll, uh, be goin' then. See ya 'round?" "Sure, hun."

The closer he got to the main hall, the louder got the music. Just as he entered; shoving his bulky frame through the macramé curtain of the door, 'White Rabbit' by Jefferson Airplane started to play. How ironic, thought Daryl. Loud claps and whistles sounded through the air; attracting Daryl's attention. One look at the stage to the left was enough to know why every man in here was so thrilled... There she was... The star of this establishment... Leah.

Daryl swallowed hard and took a few coordinated steps closer; leaning against the wall in the back with his arms crossed over his chest. He would lie if he said he didn't miss this in some kind of way, wouldn't he? Merle was right... He needed this - that was what Daryl believed. The solution to all his 'problems'.

He watched. Just like every other man in here, naturally. Leah was something special. The biker noticed that early on. Something in the way she moved... The looks she was always giving him... Thrilling. And she didn't miss out on them today. It took her a while to notice Daryl's presence, but about halfway through the song, she did. Usually would've sent the downright erotic smile Leah had given him straight into another stratosphere. It never failed to cause his blood to rush to a certain part of his body.

But not today.

The smile has been given, but the effect was lacking - much to Daryl's surprise and... shock? A deep frown carved its way into his forehead. Why? What was wrong? Nothing had changed...

The biker brushed it off, of course. Reasoning that it was because he hadn't been to this place for a long time. His body just had to adapt, right? Without wasting a second thought, he just decided to enjoy the show - and look forward to what he would might get after.

Once his favourite stripper's performance was over after a few songs and the whole room of testosterone was done salivating and satisfied, he noticed the subtle sign Leah gave him. That hadn't changed. So, Daryl quickly, but subtly headed for the small bar; dismissing the female bartender, who wanted to offer him a drink.

Daryl wanted to feel excitement and anticipation, but somehow it wasn't there; replaced by a strange feeling he couldn't pinpoint. The same strange feeling he carried around since weeks, with the only difference that it seemed to worsen now - which the biker didn't understand. This was supposed to be the solution and-

"I think I can't trust what my eyes see." A voice suddenly urged to Daryl's ears; ripping him out of his thoughts. A very familiar voice... "Hey, sexy stranger," Leah addressed him; a smile on her face. "Already thought you got tired of me." Daryl scoffed and lifted his crossed arms off the bar counter. "Jus' had a lot goin' on. 'M up ta ma ears with work." Leah raised an eyebrow. "Merle kept you that busy?" The biker just nodded alongside a grunt. "S why 'm here." The stripper's expression immediately shifted into a knowing smirk, "I see... My biker boy is in need of some... stress relief." before she bit her red lipstick clad lips. "I think I might just have the right solution for that little... issue," she said and dragged a hand awfully slowly down Daryl's clothed chest and stomach - only stopping at the black belt around his hips. Leah gave it a teasing tug and smirked at him again. "Come on then," she said; beckoning him to follow her with a come-hither motion of her pointer finger.

Of course, Daryl followed after her; eyes locked on her barely covered body, which was tucked away from his prying eyes by a red silk robe.

She led him to a side door; checking the surroundings if anyone was watching - and let the biker pass. The hallway he walked down then was familiar. After all, he had been here way more than only a few times. And the room he entered after Leah was well-known as well... Her personal changing room.

"Stressful, yeah?" The woman asked while peeling the red silk robe from her body. Daryl couldn't do much but stand there and stare; swallowing hard. "Yeah," he managed to croak out. Leah's lips held a knowing smirk. She knew what she was capable of doing to the biker. It was always the same... He would almost instantly lose his 'bad boy' demeanour around her and was putty in the woman's hands with barely a snap of her fingers.

The stripper poured herself a quick drink, downed it and directed her full attention back to Daryl, who hadn't moved an inch. His eyes were still glued to her body as he was gnawing at his thumb - another habit mostly showing nervosity, uncertainty and insecurity.

Leah couldn't help but smile again. So cute, she thought and pushed herself off the admittedly huge counter on the right side of the room and stepped closer. "You poor thing..." She stated; shaking her head and circled the man like a predator. While standing behind him, Leah placed her hands on his shoulders and started to massage him with a delicate, yet firm touch. "So tense..." Daryl swallowed hard again; could hear in her voice how she was shaking her head once more.

Arrived in front of him, she reached for Daryl's wrists. "Come on... Let me help you," she whispered - borderline seductively. He let her guide him further to the left, where that familiar chair waited for him and on which Leah pushed him down with a hand on his chest.

The woman rounded him again until she was standing behind Daryl once more; hand never leaving his chest. Quite the opposite. Her other hand was joining in. They played with the lapels of his angel-winged vest and the buttons of his black shirt; warm palms gliding over his pecks and stomach. She leaned in close - he could feel her hot breath against his ear. "What do you need, pretty boy, huh?" She whispered and pressed an open-mouthed kiss against the shell of his ear, which was poking out from behind his long curls. It caused the biker's breath to hitch. "Tell me."

"I-I-" Daryl stuttered; squirming slightly under her touch. He had stumbled over his words - in confusion. Somehow, it felt different. Not as pleasing as it used to feel. Why was his body reacting like that? So... distant? But once more, he pushed the thought aside; still convinced that this cure was going to work at some point.

"Wha'ever ya willin' ta do."

A small laugh left Leah's lips at his words. "Don't tempt me, Daryl." She stepped around the chair; now facing him. "I think I know exactly what you need. My muscle memory is working just fine," the woman winked at him; shook some loose strands of her wild red hair out of her face, before she dropped to her knees in front of him.

Daryl's breath got caught in his throat again, as he felt Leah's hands skimming the inside of his thighs; fingertips leaving a firing hot trail behind he could even feel through the fabric of his jeans. Not a good kind of fiery, though. It felt like his skin was getting burnt. The biker whimpered - much to the stripper's delight; thinking she pleasured him already. He pressed his back further inside the chair; seconds away from jerking his legs away from Leah's touch.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, screamed his body at him.

But then Leah let her hands travel on... Straight to his belt, where her talented fingers worked to unbuckle said belt. Daryl let his head fall into his neck; eyes slipping shut - a blessing in disguise. Suddenly, the strange feeling he carried around since weeks seemed to culminate; triggered by the familiar, yet so strange woman.

Pictures and memories he had stored in his brain ran like a movie in front of his eyes. Pictures and memories... Not of Leah, though... Pictures and memories of you. It was as if you were right there in front of him. As if he would just stretch out his hand, he could reach you. You were smiling at the biker. He could see the happiness on your face; hear your voice and witness your joyous laughter whenever you gifted him your time. He relived the first time he met you; riding on that horse with that sweet cowboy hat on your head. All the memories you made together in that bar. Drinking, playing pool, laughing and just having fun. And of course he saw every passionate night you had shared. Your body writhing against his. The way you touched him and never failed to set his veins on fire. Your scent. Your taste. It consumed Daryl.

But the most prominent memory was the one where he had left you standing at that damn gas station. The heartbreak and sadness in your voice... The tears in your eyes he saw you shedding in his rearview mirror. You had opened up your heart for him - truly felt something for him, and he had just broke it. Broke you. As if it meant nothing. Mindlessly. Carelessly. You could've been that one good thing in his life - and he just threw it away, because he was too blind to see it.

Not anymore.

He could see clearly now. The blindfold he had worn discarded; ripped from his eyes like a bandaid. How far he had needed to go to see it... That it almost took another woman he was about to sleep with.

Pathetic.

He was a fool. A damn fool.

The sudden, very unpleasant and uncomfortable touch of Leah's skin against his catapulted the biker out of his almost hallucinogenic state. It was wrong. So wrong. Her hand didn't belong there; on his body... Yours did. He never wanted to feel another touch but yours.

Daryl was moments away from ripping the stripper's hands off his body, when another part of his brain made its appearance out of nowhere... His doubts, fears and insecurities.

Love, relationships, girlfriends... It wasn't him. It wasn't the kind of stuff he did, right? He never learnt what it meant to have a loving and understanding partner. To have someone he could truly trust and rely on. Sure, he had Merle - but that was different. Merle was blood.

And then there was that voice in his head... The devil on his shoulder. You'd screw it up anyway, Daryl. Hell, you already screwed it up. Why even try again? Besides, do you really think she'd want you back? After what you did to her? Grow some balls and get over that damn girl. Enjoy what Leah is able to give you. Pleasure with no strings attached.

Daryl swallowed hard; hesitating. A war of feelings raging inside him. Head against heart. What was he supposed to do?

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lxmelle · 1 year ago

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It is sad to think that Geto was probably the kindest person Gojo ever knew.

For Geto to do what he did so abruptly & for Gojo to have felt “left behind” in the monstrosity vs strength where he couldn’t “catch up” to Geto’s ideals... he realised Geto had been hurt & changed as a result.

How could someone so kind & righteous change like that? To chase such a dream that was so difficult & unconventional? He thought there had to be another way. He chose to become a teacher. To prevent the same &/or to pave another way forward, for change. Maybe to prove a point too. (Hence the character song, “Come Back Home”).

Gojo was the purest person Geto knew who was now becoming a monster w/o a purpose besides jujutsu.

He felt left behind & disillusioned. The Gojo he knew saw the weak as tiresome; if he was lonely he should go alone; hated righteousness.

But meaning helped give Geto purpose.

It was what helped him put up with his CT that was intimate w/ shit, vomit, curses.

When he made up his mind to embrace “meaning & purpose”, all he could do was leave. Coz he respected Gojo & his views. There was no way in his mind they could have discussed things to compromise.

The school needed the strongest. He could not stay there to be a cog in the wheel that would lead to his loved ones dying one by one. I’ve said it before, I think Geto didn’t like the idea that everyone was coming to leave it all to Gojo. He wanted to do something to change things from the root.

So it seemed like he decided for them both & he pushed Gojo away w/ harsh words to “wake him up” to the responsibility that comes w/ the strong.

Because, again, if he wanted just “power” to accomplish his dream, he’d have made Gojo come w/ him. If he just wanted “company” he’d have stayed w/ Gojo.

It hurt them both to recognise the path they were on had suddenly diverged. They embraced different values but wanted the same things.

They wanted change. They wanted reform. They wanted a safer place for everyone.

They didn’t want others to be alone anymore. They wanted each other, to protect each other & everyone.

They didn’t actually want to be alone. But they had to be because they were different people.

And therefore they loved each other from afar.

They respected & loved each other completely - including their ideals & ways - even if it differed from each other. Drew inspiration from the other.

That’s Pure Love. Absolutely Pure Love. To live for the other, for others.

Idk … it’s amazing and yet so tragic.

They were truly the Strongest.

#posted this on twitter and thought I’d post here too #long time no update #satosugu #satosugu thoughts #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #geto suguru #jjk analysis #jjk spoilers #jjk satosugu #gojo analysis #geto analysis #jujutsu kaisen satosugu #stsg #satosugu analysis #jjk satosugu analysis

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writingonwings · 7 months ago

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HIII! I loved your, “Sunlight” fanfic! I was wondering if you could do an elrond x fem!elf!reader (close friends who have feelings for each other) fic where after the battle for eregion elrond is upset and depressed abt it, and the reader finds him crying alone on a cliff or by a tree (like on outdoor setting) and begins to comfort him and finds out that he’s been dealing with this for a long time? thank you!

Gravity

✵ Pairing: Elrond Peredhel / f!elven!reader

✵ Word count: 1.5k

✵ Summary: Nothing was the same after Eregion’s destruction. But you had yet to discover just how difficult it had been for Elrond.

✵ Warnings: Angsty but still touching. Pretty heavy theme of depression. I think the summary paints a good picture of what to expect

✵ A/n: Thank you anon for the beautiful request. I absolutely love how this turned out and I hope you do too! I think this is now a favorite of mine ♡

Time seemed to pass slowly following Eregion’s downfall. Hours stretched into days, and days stretched into weeks. One by one, each elf found themselves able to let go of their sorrow. But each would be bound to carry the tragic memory until the end of their days.

Despite the new-found acceptance, a feeling of grief still lay heavy in the air. It was a gravity that tugged at each soul that walked there. You could feel it in every part of your body. It was as if you were being pulled toward the ground by some force invisible to your eye, making each step more difficult to take than the last.

It was taken this way by most. For the race of elves did not take a loss of their own lightly. Even those who were not directly affected by this massacre felt its sharp sting.

Today, however, your feet felt lighter to you. It was the subtlest of changes, but it brought to you a small flicker of hope. Like the first sparks preceding a great flame. It was a welcome relief following the past several weeks. You could only hope those close to you had begun to feel the same.

Elrond concerned you most. He had closed himself off from everyone around him, yourself included. You didn’t believe he was to blame for any of what occurred, but you knew he had taken on that burden all the same. It pained your heart.

Despite your best efforts, he would not share his thoughts aloud. At least not all of them. There would be no way to know the full extent of his grief unless he shared it with you. Therefore, you could not do much to comfort him.

A gentle breeze touched your skin, returning to you your optimism. It was then you decided to seek out Elrond, in hopes of seeing an improvement in his state.

The temporarily built camp was quiet, for stories had been told and songs had been sung late into the night. This was how your people found comfort in even the darkest of times; by finding comfort in one another.

In the silence, you could feel a gentle shift from sadness into peace, making it seem less like something to be avoided. Normally, you would relish in this peace. However, today it only brought to your notice the absence of just the person you were searching for. You had sought him out in every place you could think of within the little sanctuary, but you were so far unsuccessful.

A new thought crossed your mind and your eyes drifted beyond, out over the freshly discovered land. Elrond was likely not in the camp at all. He would prefer a quiet place away from the weight of the group. A place where he could feel his burden lifted, even if only for a moment. You changed direction, weaving your way back through the refuge toward where your instincts led. You could only hope those instincts would prove correct.

Your feet brought you far from the rest of the elves, high into the cliffs above. The sound of rushing water crowded your sensitive ears, covering up any quieter noise that could not succeed in the fight to be heard. It led you on toward the spot where you first looked over the valley many weeks ago. A quiet spot tucked cleverly into the cover of rock and greenery. This is where you found him.

Elrond sat on his knees, his body facing out over the land so you could only see the backside of him. As you approached, his frame stiffened a little, sensing your sudden presence. The sight of him there made your heart sink, dwindling your enthusiasm away. “Oh, Elrond—” You started quietly, only to be cut off by the faintest of sounds managing to climb above the water. It was a muffled whimper, barely audible to even your ears until you were closer.

The little noise stopped you before another step was taken. Even after all the time you had known Elrond, you had never truly seen him cry. The sound felt like a wound to your heart, dropping it in your chest. It was then you realized why he had chosen this particular place to escape to. It concealed him perfectly, sight and sound. And it was not the easiest to find either. Even you did not think to search here for many hours. How many times had he come up here?

Wordlessly, you approached Elrond and settled onto the ground beside him. He tensed initially, so you set a hand on his arm to wash it away. Out of shame, he hid his head in his hands, but it was not before you caught a glimpse of his face. Tears stained Elrond’s cheeks and dampened his usually tidy curls. The sight enabled you to feel for a moment the weight of sorrow he carried on his shoulders. Oh, how you desperately wished to lighten it for him.

“I am sorry, y/n.” He managed to get out shakily, ashamed to have let you see him in such a state. The words twisted at you. Elrond thought it best to hold is tears inside, only expressing his pain in isolation. This way he can protect those he cares about from his feelings.

You set a hand on the side of his face, using your thumb to brush a fresh tear off his cheek. “Do not apologize for what shadow weighs down your heart. It should have never been yours to bear.” He took a much steadier breath upon hearing your words, which was a small victory. However, he sensed your thoughts. You still wished for him to share his sadness with you, and he was still reluctant to do so.

“If you continue to carry this burden alone, it will become unbearable.” You told him, searching for any sort of give. Elrond gazed back at you with round, tearful eyes, giving him an almost childlike appearance. It only furthered your longing to relieve his misery. “Let me carry it with you.” Your words pleaded directly with his soul.

Something in him finally caved, willing to give in to you. But his next words came out slowly, as if he had to force himself to say each one. “There is a heaviness that has made home in my heart. It feels as if I am underwater, being pulled further and further below the surface. And every time I try to swim to safety, I can only sink deeper.” Elrond’s eyes fell away from yours, tears escaping and rolling down his cheeks. He had to take a shaky breath before continuing, preventing himself from breaking down completely. “At times, I feel like I am drowning, suffocating. All I want is air and it is always just out of my reach.”

The pull of your own tears burned in your throat. He had hidden these thoughts so well from you when you could have provided comfort. “Elrond,” you whispered, feeling his body sink lower toward the ground. “How long have you suffered this alone?”

His gaze was drawn back up to yours, hesitant even after what he had already said. A sigh escaped his lips. “It has been longer than you know,” Elrond admitted quietly, his voice barely touching your ears over the raging waterfall. “I often longed to share my feelings with you, but I did not wish to place my sorrow on your shoulders.”

The statement was enough to split your heart into several pieces. Elrond had isolated himself out of fear. Fear of burdening you with his pain. You moved to kneel in front of him, taking his hands in your own. “You fear increasing the weight of your burden. But if you let me, I would help you lighten it.” You gave his hands a careful squeeze. “Elrond, the only sorrow I have is in knowing you feel this way. And that is something given to me by my love for you. Not by the thoughts you have been afraid to tell me.”

Something inside Elrond gave way. He freed his hands from yours and pulled you into a deep embrace, burying his face in the dip of your neck. You held him tightly in return, a hand finding home amid his soft curls. It was there he wept, his body shaking with tears that dampened your skin. You could not tell how long you stayed there, but you did not move until he had freed every ounce of pain that had been caged and stored away. Elrond had finally given you the opportunity to comfort him, and you would not take it for granted.

Your embrace had begun to heal a small part of him in a way that words could not. Though it would be a long and winding road to being free from this burden, you had been able to relieve some of its weight. Just enough that he could begin to feel the same hope that flickered in your mind. Hope that it would not always be this way. That one day you both would come out better than even before everything that had happened. Even though it was only a small fraction of the hope it could be, it was a vast improvement from only moments ago. And for now, that was more than enough.

✵ Find more like this here

#rings of power elrond #elrond x y/n #elrond x reader #elrond fanfic #elrond peredhel #rings of power fanfiction #the rings of power #fanficton #lord of the rings fic #lord of the rings fanfiction #the lord of the rings #lord of the rings #elrond #elrond fic

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obsessionatthemoment · 9 days ago

Text

Spoilers to Stranger Things: The First Shadow below the cut.

I'm going to be covering 2 topics in this post: does Henry control the Mind Flayer, or does it control him, AND, did Henry choose Will for a reason, and if so, why? (this is my first essay post in a few months, so bear with).

The first topic has been a point of debate in the Stranger Things fandom since season 4 came out, because we have two separate, polar opposite pieces of proof. In the show, it seems obvious that Henry has been controlling the Mind Flayer, as he is seen to be shaping the Shadow Monster when he arrives in the Upside Down. However, in the Stranger Things VR game, the Mind Flayer is giving Henry orders, therefore in control of Henry (Henry's boss, so to speak).

I've always been fast to discount the VR game, as in my eyes, it's much less canon than the show, and it literally shifts away from canon to modify the ending of season 4. I was very surprised to find that in The First Shadow, they went the VR route. Throughout the play, Henry refers to this "other" inside of him, and uses very similar language to that of what Will used when he was possessed. As the story progresses, we see him get more and more lost to the Mind Flayer, just as Will was. And, all his killings are being done by the Mind Flayer, through him, just like Will. Are you sensing a theme here?

This begs the question, is Henry redeemable, or is his brain too ravaged by the Mind Flayer at this point to be repaired? I've recently heard talks of there being a new big bad in season 5, and that Vecna seems too easy. It seems "lame" for there to not be a new monster. Is it possible for them to burn the mind flayer out of Henry, just like Will? After all, his real self is just a sad, scared, and abused little boy. Henry is redeemable. We'll have to find out if there's any Henry left in him.

NEXT: Did Henry (who has at this point become Vecna) choose Will for a reason, and if so, why?

This has also been a HUGE point of debate in the Stranger Things fandom, and I am a stronger believer, that yes. Henry did choose Will for a reason.

In the play, Henry is HEAVILY paralleled to Will. And I mean, it's barely ignorable. In the show, they are also both constantly paralleled to each other. People noticed after season 4 came out, rewatching the show, the figure shown when Will is getting abducted looks more like Vecna than the Demogorgon. At this point, it's practically undeniable that it was purposefully Will. Now the question is, why?

Unfortunately, I do not have a concrete answer or theory; however, the play supplied some new information to be brought to the table. The main one I can remember, that literally had me jumping up and down in my seat towards the end of the show, was "Henry" saying to Joyce, something along the lines of: "You're a nice person. That's what will bring you down. You need to learn to do what it takes to protect the ones you love." Then she says she doesn't understand, and he says, "you will."

This is pretty concrete evidence to me that somehow, he already knew at this point that he was going to take her son, though I have no idea how he knew this. Did he know that Will would have powers? Is the theory that he was taken to the lab for experiments before the show true?

It's also very possible that they simply put this dialogue in as a nod to the show, to get the super fans bouncing in their chairs like me, but it's much more fun to speculate that Henry somehow knew that Will was going to get taken at this point. Could the time travel theory be true? Could he somehow see the future?

Okay, so lastly, I do want to briefly discuss my thoughts of the show, and the Byler crumbs (which I know people have already discussed).

So, I'm going to start with the Byler crumbs first, because Byler is always my number 1 priority. There's this scene where Patty says a song she has to sing in sad, then she says "I like the gay one's best" and Henry is basically like "it doesn't have to be sad. We can make it whatever we want because we don't know the ending yet." and she says "then let's make it a gay one" (little side note: I know that gay was used to mean happy, and this wasn't unusual language for this time period, however, it's talking about not knowing the ending yet, and she says "let's make it a gay one", which is insane)

Shockingly, it was my mom who freaked out about this line, whereas, I moved on from it pretty fast, while we were watching. If my mom, who tends to be skeptical about Byler, thinks it's about Byler, that says a lot.

Next, I totally agree with the people who likened Patty and Henry's relationship to Will and Mike's, specifically their bonding over nerdy things, and discussions of superhero's. Now, I know some people would argue that El and Mike also talk about superhero's, however, the major difference is that El doesn't like it. She finds it dismissive and objectifying. With Will and Mike, and Patty and Henry, they use it endearingly.

Lastly, my super surface level opinion on the show: IT WAS FUCKING EPIC! If you ever get the opportunity to see the show, see it. If you ever see a bootleg on YouTube, watch it. It might have been the best experience I have ever had with theater (and this is coming from a theater lover). It was extremely immersive, and the special effects were insane. It was so great, and I wish I could upload my whole experience and share it with everyone.

Anyway, that's all for now, but my hyperfixation is revived, so for sure I'm going to get back to posting, and maybe even Byler quote's of the day, soon.

#byler #stranger things #byler endgame #will byers #mike wheeler #el hopper #patty newby #joyce maldonado #henry creel #vecna #mind flayer #stranger things 5 #stranger things 5 speculation #stranger things the first shadow spoilers #stranger things the first shadow

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remembrancer-of-heresy · 11 months ago

Text

The thirst to subjugate (Part 1)

Summary: You have a remarkable ability to notice details. This is what fascinated Corvus. And what intrigued Alpharius and Omegon.

Corvus Corax/fem!Reader, Alpharius and Omegon/fem!Reader

Warnings: yandere, possessive behavior, manipulation, power imbalance

Word count: 1238

Song: Hatari, CYBER - Hlauptu

The translation of the song is just... One yandere is scary as hell. But two yeanderes is death

You smiled at him. Soft and gentle, as if he were not a primarch. He did not fight with xenos and other creatures, subordinating systems to the Imperium. No, you saw an ordinary person in Corvus when you asked if he needed anything else besides dinner. The serfs on board were quiet and could not take such liberties around the primarch.

"No. Why do you ask?"

Your eyes widen in surprise and your lips purse into a thin line. There is a distinct blush on the cheeks. You were so easy to embarrass. Gathering your strength, you answer quietly and shyly.

“You just looked so sad. I thought you might have had a rough day.”

He really had a rough day. Working together with the Alpha Legion was productive and yet exhausting. But Corvus always looked melancholy and many could not grasp his true state. But you did it.

It was refreshing. Corvus couldn't remember the last time he wasn't looked at with adoration, fear or respect. When they looked at him not as an all-powerful primarch, but as a man who also needed rest.

He had friends on Lycaeus , but they all saw him as a savior. His sons, the family he dreamed of, still saw him as a commander. Only dear Nasturi and Gerit were different. And now you too. Corvus longed to find a family, to feel love even despite the knowledge that he was a product of the Warp. He just couldn't let you go.

At first it all started innocently. You brought food to his chambers and you talked a lot about a variety of things. Surprisingly, you didn’t touch much on the topic of the Crusade. You avoid it. One time he asked you why and you said that you don't like war. Such a kind soul.

You told him stories about your friends and family. At first you were a little embarrassed by such attention to yourself, but you soon relaxed. To such an extent that one day the story about how your brother was scared of a rat made you choke on your tea. And it started flowing out of your nostrils.

Corvus was captivated by this sight. Absolutely normal and natural. This is how you should behave around your family, isn’t it? Does this mean that he is now part of your family? He would really like this.

Your work schedule and responsibilities have changed significantly. Now you spent almost all your time alone with Corvus. He taught you to read and now you started talking about books. The Primarch was a monster, he knew it. But he strove for the light.

That's why he didn't take you. Didn’t subjugate you all to himself. You still saw your family and friends quite often. And yet, how Corax missed you in these moments. In the end, he realized that maybe you were something more to him. Is it possible that this...

Love.

The subjugation of the System was successful, but some military tactics were worth discussing. Therefore, a couple of times the primarch invited his brother on board. Surprisingly, the Raven Guard were famous for their stealth, but it seems that the Alpha Legion have surpassed them in this. There was something strange about them.

You were at all these meetings. Served documents and drinks. You fulfilled your duties without question. Despite the acute tension and feeling of fear that was gnawing at you. The first meeting went well, but he noticed a change in you during the second.

You looked at Alpharius strangely. Eyebrows were raised, lips frowned. You watched his every move. The worst part is that Alpharius noticed this and smiled. Not as if he was enjoying your fear or trying to calm you down, no. The primarch smiled intriguingly and interestedly.

“Who is this young lady?” - Alpharius traced his lips with his finger until he left it on his chin. Corvus wanted to break it.

“My personal serf” - your name softly and sonorously flies from his lips. - “She won’t bother you, let’s get down to business.”

“As you say, brother” - their family ties sound like a mockery. Although the primarch of the Alpha Legion had always been like this. - "As you say."

As soon as the meeting ended, Corvus immediately came over and hugged you. Buried his nose in your shoulder and sighed your wonderful smell. Gently stroking your hair. He will protect you, he will take care of you. You are his family, his ray of hope, you are the best thing he ever had.

He asks what happened. Why were you so afraid of the primarch. You, surprised by his pressure and thoughtfully look at the floor. In doubt, you look at your feet and fidget with your toes. As if you yourself didn’t know why you were so nervous. Finally you look up at him.

“It seemed that he behaved differently.”

"Differently? What do you mean?"

“I-I don’t know.” - you sigh and Corvus can imagine the gears working in your head. - “It seemed like your brother spoke and behaved as usual. But for some reason, it seemed to me that he, t-that he... was a different person. It’s as if his twin brother had taken his place.”

Corvus feels a smile form on his face. What a funny girl you are. True, sometimes you behaved so normally and ordinarily. And yet you could surprise him. His hand gently strokes your cheek. You lean on his arm and Corax holds back a sigh.

His fingers trace your jawline and he lifts your face. Maybe this was the perfect moment to kiss you. Feel the taste of your lips. Link your souls together. Absorb. But he didn't.

“You have nothing to fear, I only have one brother, Alpharius. And he alone is more than enough for me; fortunately, he doesn’t have a clone.” - You giggle and yet Corvus knows that you don’t fully believe him. - "Everything will be fine. You will be safe with me.”

But his confidence gradually faded every day. The Primarch of the Alpha Legion liked you. He constantly mentioned you and tried to talk to you. And one day it actually happened. Right behind Corvus. He thought Alpharius had left the ship. But somehow he managed to catch you on your way back to the parents.

You trembled in Corvus's arms but didn't cry. Alpharius frightened you with his appearance and offered to join his Legion. Corax holds back from pure rage. But while you are in his arms, he should be gentle. Must be a support. Protection. Savior.

The primarch should organize a guard for you. No, that's not enough. You will be noticeable. An easy target. Then he will hide you. As crows hide jewels in their nests, so he will do to you. He will make you the most comfortable nest next to him. You won't need anything. And he will coo over you for an eternity.

You snuggle into the warmth and try to calm down. Gradually lulled by Corvus, you feel your eyes begin to close. A little more and you will fall into pleasant blackness. Away from this world with its cruelty and secrets. And yet, even on the verge of sleep, the mocking voice of “Alpharius” is heard in your head. You should have told Corvus everything, but you knew, you knew they would find out.

“You see us, and we see you.”

#primarch x reader #primarch x oc #corvus corax x reader #alpharius and omegon x reader #tw: yandere #tw: obsession #tw: manipulation #yandere alpharius omegon #yandere corvus corax #yandere primachs

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