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tendoki · 5 years ago

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hug prompt 5 with tendouuuu

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angy tendou kinda makes me 😳 ngl. this has a lot of build up? I left the ending VAGUE because it just seemed right yanno? this was fun and cute to write though :)

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Tendou . S - Snapmaps

-> genre: comfort

-> prompt: angry hug (not at eachother)

-> warnings: swearing, reader is lowkey horny for tendou, again I wrote this at 5am and projected my thirst onto y/n so my bad lollll, bad grammar maybe?? dunno

not sponsored by snapchat <3

He was pissed off.

Like, super pissed off. You could see it in the way his shoulders were tensed and how his leg bounced under the desk, the furrow of his brows and dark lines under his eyes screamed 'i am three minutes away from committing a murder'. His breathing seemed to be heavier too; and you guessed you wouldnt get much of a chance to talk to him once class was over if the way his eyes seemed to flicker to the clock every few seconds was any indication.

You werent anyone particularly close to Tendou Satori, though you'd consider the two of you friends if asked. In truth, you never thought you would get this far with him, the guy seemed to disregard anything that his teammates werent already fond of; you were lucky, in a sense, that as Goshiki's tutor you were deemed worthy of his attention.

Of course, occasionally your mind would slip, sliding down a dangerous path of 'what if?'s and 'why not?'s. Tendou was attractive, in that weird way, where your friends sorta make fun of you for liking him, before they turn and take a second look themselves. He intrigued you, the way he was so observant as to even bag a friendship with the ever elusive Ushijima kun.

You supposed that's why you bothered to chase him after class ended.

You had lost him pretty quickly though, thinking about it, you seriously wondered how in the hell you could lose a six foot, two inch, scarlet haired loudmouth like Tendou, as if slipping into a crowd and being invisible was something he was used to (something else to add onto the 'Mysteries of T.S' list you had compiled).

After escaping the crowd and seeing no sign of him outside, you relented, recognising that this was a losing battle. With a huff, you pulled out your phone to check his snap maps; he'd always turn them on once he got into school, claiming that it was to make sure if he skipped practice then Semi could track him down and beat his ass with no hassle.

Ramen shop

For the better, you were starving anyway. immediately picking up the pace, you took the 10 minute walk it would take to get there.

how did he manage to go so fast? damn him and his stupid long legs

You arrived, and the place looked empty, probably because of the sign on the door, stating that it was closed for the day. Looking down at your phone again, you confirmed that this was the right address, seeing your own bitmoji stood near Tendou's.

Then the door opened, Tendou, in all of his sweaty, (guess he mustve ran) brilliance, looked you up and down, an action you're ashamed to admit caused a jolt in your stomach. He looked suprised to see you here, but seeing your phone lit up with the familiar interface of Snapchat maps, he smirked.

"What brings you here?"

He sounded amused, though you could still hear his aggravation in how throaty his voice was, you werent used to hearing him speak so roughly, and part of you wondered what it would take to hear that kind of tone from him more.

"You uh seemed pissed off earlier, in class? and I wanted to check up on you. Why... are you in an empty, closed ramen shop?"

"Family owned joint, 's empty 'cause we're closed, and its closed 'cause it's empty"

"Doesn't closing it because its empty make for bad business practice? you're not even giving people a chance to enter, Tendou"

He jolted at this, you were usually so formal and appropriate with him, that hearing you challenge his logic so openly and speak without honorifics was unexpected; his shoulders sagged a little, tension easing from his body as a bemused smile made it's way across his face.

"Huh, guess you're right. Well, since ya here how 'bout coming in and taste testing some of our food before we open to the public again, for safety", the last line was spoken differently, as if he was daring you to say yes, like agreeing on a totally-not-date with Tendou Satori would be the worst mistake of your life.

So, naturally, you bit right back.

"You askin' me on a date now, Satori?", using him first name was dangerous, but you figured he'd get the message that you were trying to be playful, while giving him the ultimate choice of what would happen next.

Once again he was taken aback, before another sag of his shoulders and spread of a smile took over his body; he wasted no time in gently grabbing you by the elbow and ushering you inside.

The interior was gorgeously decorated, the tables scrubbed clean and the whole place smelt like heaven, Tendou sat you down on the nearest chair and rushed off to the back, promising to make you a ramen anyone would consider to be 'better than sex'

It was an hour later you still sat in the shop, laughing with Tendou about whatever tiktok trend he had roped his team into this week, you had texted your parents to let them know you were with a friend, not keen on making them worry and get the entirety of the Miyagi police force interrupting your totally-is-a-date.

Things were quiet for a moment, as you sat and drank some pop Tendou had offered you. You took the silence as an opportunity to appreciate the view; Tendou Satori, in the golden light of a 6pm sun, with his hair down in sweatpants and a graphic tee designed off of one of his favourite anime. You had been nervous when he excused himself to change and 'let his hair relax', but now thanked every and any god in existence for giving you the chance to see him looking so dearly delectable.

Your thought process was disrupted, however, when your eye candy spoke;

"Thanks. For coming, I mean. I've had a pretty shitty day and it means a lot to be sat here joking around with you"

He smiled at you, an intimate one, not mocking or sardonic in anyway, you, of course, locked this moment into your mind, committing the gentle red of his bitten and chapped lips, sloping so carefully, to memory.

Then you registered his words, your brows pinching together in concern, as you reached across and grabbed his hand.

"You wanna talk about it? I'm here to listen and I dont have anywhere to be for the time being"

He looked shocked for a moment, scanning your face to maybe check if this was some cruel joke, like he was going to start telling you and you'd laugh and walk away. After a few moments had passed of him studying your expression, he turned, heaving a sigh and standing up to go to the back, presumably preparing another two bowls of ramen.

He returned not long after, placing the bowls on your table, he began pacing, annoyance rushing back to him as he recalled what had him wound up so tightly earlier.

"... and now he's back in town! God, whatever, I just hope his stupid ass doesnt end up in the same classes as me, I dont wanna see that prick's face again", he had been bullied as a child it seemed, a detail that explained most of the contents in your list of Tendou mysteries, the bully was back in town, and your companion had ran into him when he had left school grounds for a moment; it seemed the boy's attitude had not changed, he had recognised Tendou and began layering on the taunts once more.

He was mad again, you could see it in how his shoulders tensed and his mouth now curled into an ugly sneer while venting.

You sighed before standing up, he needed some comfort, and the worst that could happen is that he pushes you away. You could always just excuse it by saying you have an affectionate family or friend group, and that it's just nature by now to give someone a hug when they're upset. Though there was every reason to think that he wouldnt fall for that, and you could make him uncomfortable. After such a huge leap in your progress with him, taking such a big risk is hardly smart or sensible-

fuck it.

But before you could move, his arms instead encased you. His body shook with brimming rage as he burrowed his head into the crook of your neck, bending awkwardly to properly reach. Hesitantly, you reached your arms up, one hand going to rub circles across his back and the other pulling and playing with the red locks of hair by the nape of his neck. The two of you stayed like that for a while, you leaning on the table once your legs got too wobbly to be trusted. Every so often you'd press a kiss to his shoulder, letting him know that you were accepting his affection wholeheartedly, not just reciprocating out of pity.

Despite the hug lasting longer than any other hugs you had given to friends and family, it still felt like it was too soon as Tendou began to pull away, standing back to his full height, though, his arms remained around you.

"Thanks, I needed that"

"yeah, uh, no problem, Tendou kun"

#tendou satori x reader #tendou satori fluff #tendou satori #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader

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tobswrites · 5 years ago

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Kiribaku Fic Idea

This one I call, the....mmm...let me think on the title

So basically Bakugou and Kirishima is this duo who've traveled the world, partners looking for the mysteries of the world.

One day they find themselves in a jungle, where of course they meet their new temporary crew, the Bakusquad (who are yet the bakusqaud) who consist of Mina, Jirou, Sero and Kami, and of course the honorary member Shinsou.

These peeps have been in the jungle amazon like forest for years, know the surrounding area pretty well, especially their camp, which is like one main cabin filled with their research and a few other cabins scattered about, smaller, where the crew sleeps and have their own personal research.

The crew are there to solely observe the environment, and research on the animals that live there.

They get a little annoyed with know it all Bakugou of course. Like yeah sure Bakugou knows all the dos and donuts of jungle life and sure he does things better than them, and well...okay sure hes amazing overall, and has yet donie one mistake since his arrival, but still its their terf!!!

They get along enough tho.

But they get along even more with Kirishima. Who seems to be a great guy and Mina is like wow..wish me a man like that.

I like to be like mysterious so like throughout the fic, sprinkle in like past memories of how Kiribaku met, and how they hated one another at first, but then Kiri was the bigger man and tried to be friendly.

And his friendliness worked because Baku was like wow this is literally my first real friend in like years.

They grow accustomed to one another, but before that. How they met was basically that Kiribaku were put in an expedition. Baku for his smarts and Kiri for his kkindness, since where they're going is basically the...the countrys research camp that have been already been there for years. And Baku was known not to get along.

Anyways they eventually become friends and spending a year in that research camp, Baku asks if Kiri wants to like partner up more, and so they a duo and their funder is like happy because it's the most work they've seen put together.

(I actually have no idea how researching works)

Well anyways, they get close...and closer...and closer. Then one day they're in like....some other country, and Kiri starts to feel sick. He sluggish, grey even, and Baku starts to worry.

Eventually Baku cuts the expedition short. And they go to the nearest hospital.

Kirishima is terminally ill

Baku is pissed at the world.

And so why they're with the bakusquad? Well because theres a rumor that in....Mexico....theres a plant that shines like the full moon on a dark night that can cure anything.

When the crew asks Baku why hes looking for it. Baku just says it's because he wants to make money out of it. Too scared to admit it's for Kiri, and Kiri let's him lie, but for Baku, saying it out loud makes all the more real.

At first Baku tried to get Kiri to stay, thinking that if he were to put his body in stress it would quicken the disease, but Kiri doesnt want his moments to be stuck in a boring room.

The crew admit theyve been looking for the plant for years now too. Although not to sell it but to procreate it artificially so that the world can have it for free. But theres a whole bunch of complications to that, and Baku even tells them that theres no way the world will allow something so precious be let go for free to the whole world.

Not only that but it's in ancient text that the rumor is spread from that it can cure. But for all they know it's a sham, it's a plant that cured one thing and only one thing. Theres not enough research to back it. But Baku is reaching for anything at this point.

They go on trips and never find anything and soon Bakus anger starts to get directed to Kiri. Like why did he get himself sick, why didnt he just stay? Why did he worm himself into Bakus heart?

Soon everyone becomes close. And at a moment of vulnerability, eating grilled meat late at night where everyone is talking about the lifes they left to be there, Baku confesses the reason Kiri and Baku are there for.

So like of course not just one person gonna be looking for this plant. And they always like backtracked because of this villain group.

And so like drama I guess

But in the end, Kiri is really at his death bed, though he still walking one last trip to find the flower, for Bakus sake. Even though Kiri, who hasnt lost hope, has accepted his fate as it is.

Kiri eventually falls, his entirely body ready to shut down at him all at once (of course diseases shut down one organ at a time, and rarely all at once but this fiction so leave me alone)

Baku panics but he feels hopeful for this last location, and he leaves Kiri dying withhhhhhhh....I dont know pick a squad member.

Theres like fights with the rival group, but that's because they found the flower. Baku...for the first time in his life begs for just one, just one stupid plant.

But they greedy and say no, and Baku cant do anything because they have guns, and hes one vs....5 I dunno.

And so they leave and Baku wonders off.

Hes sad.

Doesnt know what to do.

And then he finds a flower! One hidden behind a stone, growing crooked and ugly but hes sure its it.

He snatches and runs, they have no time to study it, breed it or anything. He needs Ei to swallow it down.

He comes back, and I decided that it was Mina who stayed with him, trying to nurse him. Ei looks dead but he winces from the pain. Kats shoves the flower down the guys mouth, but like in a nice way.

Of course they cant tell if anything is happening because its not like a minute fix.

But he carries him back with Mina in tow. They come back to the camp, lay him on the bed and Baku waits.

Kami Shin Jirou and Sero come back at like 4am Covered in ash. They confess. They commited arson, well...Kami committed arson. But no harm done! Just that the rivals camp is completely destoryed, government agents came by too, apparently there was a spy in the rival gang and they had it all planned to surround them.

But it's the government they shitty, so of course they make the gang do all the work and find theflowers first..and then they dispose of them....jail time I mean..prison.

But anyways theyve been following this group for a while now theyve been doing illegal stuff. So of course they find the flower. Because bad guys always win. But Kami didnt know the gov was gonna show up. So he blew it up, the cabin, where the flowers were stationed.

The govt tried to see if there was anymore...but there isnt. They all got pulled.

Kiri wakes up the third day, feeling sick but better. It's a good sign. But not enough for Baku.

Eventually Kiri does get cured though. And happily ever after

#bakushima #kiribaku #bakugou x kirishima #kiribaku fic idea #kiribaku fic #kiribaku au #sorry again i dont know to to put keep rrading on mobile #long post #did I just watch that trailer of that one jungle movie?#yes #but mind ya businesz

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jungxk · 4 years ago

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// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

#answered

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rikusuriuri · 4 years ago

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kiryu + saejima :)

i love you <3

Kiryu

Sexuality Headcanon: gay homosexual (:

Gender Headcanon: trans man <3

A ship I have with said character: majima um. or saejima but never ever together

A BROTP I have with said character: nishiki + kashiwagi (: , saejima & majima, tanimura & akiyama (:, shinada begrudgingly just bc ges dating his son <3

A NOTP I have with said character: freak stuff idk uhh def nishiki for sure any of the women who come in for him not bc hes gay but bc rgg sets them up all to suck for various reasons

A random headcanon: he likes cooking even though hes slow he didnt think hed like it at first but now well (:, he gets self conscious if anyone is taller than him but it's fine if it's a friend like saejima or majima or kashiwagi but shinada being taller than him pisses him off, very bad at spelling + reading, he doesnt like lizards, he came out after nishiki (: for being trans not too long after but being a homo took a while, he now knows harukas idol dances and now he thinks dancing is a cool workout theres no going back and hes prideful as hell nothing to be ashamed of

General Opinion over said character: i love you my dearest most beloved friend you are so awesome i love you so so much mwuah

Saejima

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexual hes so bisexual but he never tells anyone, very secretive and private the rest of the party (see: tanimura and akiyama) have bets going on whether hes gay or not but nothings coming up anytime soon

Gender Headcanon: trans man (: he and majima started T together and planned to get top surgery together but then everything got fucked and now they're just here tits and all and we love him for it

A ship I have with said character: kiryu (: i suppose .they are very cute very sweet

A BROTP I have with said character: majima <3 but also kiryu and also everyone else in 4 and 5 and ofc his baby sister <3 hes just a very good older brother to everyone well all his adult friends at least

A NOTP I have with said character: majima >_> other weird stuff likke tanimura or whatever else freak shit idk but none of them are as popular

A random headcanon: hes become a regular at the cat cafe but hes kind of shy about it hes a little obsessed a little hooked he keeps trying to rename the cats but they already have names he just wants to name them something cooler or more fitting, he wants to grow his hair out again so bad but the phases of shaved to long feel so awful and ugly not that he cares but majima would say something to him so hes just convincing himself that this is less work and it looks fine but he misses it, he never answers his phone but he even less frequently ever answers texts or emails he hates trying he thinks if you have something to say say it to his face, he loves woodwork and just any sculpting in general he wants to be part of the snow fest so bad his dream woodwork is a clock but he just sticks to dolls and animals and etc, he cries during every movie and it's really ugly sniffling sobbing he cant help it hes better at holding it in for url situations but hes an empathetic watcher, majima got him into karaoke otherwise hes a shy singer/cheerer, hes very good w kids he gets emo when he gets to work w them it's his old teacher dream he just wants to guide them and help them all he wants them all to have happy lives he knows how hard it can be

General Opinion over said character: i love him so much my large friend my beloved my brother my everything my silly rabbit i love him hes so dear to me so funny so good so sweet so kind

#thank you i get emo thinking about them i really do i love them so much thankyou #asks #rgg txt

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kitamonn · 7 years ago

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boyfriend!jungkook

A whole Baby Boy™

This cutie loves romance movies and love songs you can’t tell me he doesnt think about falling in love all the time kill mE

You probably know one of the boys like you and namjoon totally attend a book club together

He doesn't actually know who you are for a while but he knows sometimes you show up to give nams a book or smth

He thinks you're super cute but there's no way he would talk to you, he just stares from across the room

Tbh you probably noticed his constant staring and decided to make the first move

When you finally introduce yourself he’s in a cold sweat from the moment you walk up to him smiling until you leave

You say hi and he chokes on his spit when he tries to say hi back

Thinks he’s being super nonchalant about his feelings but everyone can tell he is wHIPPED

He totally denies his feelings but it’s so obvious that he has the fattest crush on you

This cutie is all clammy hands, pink cheeks, glances from across the room and stuttering

Can u Imagine talking to him and he is fidgeting and his cheeks are bright red, hes looking at a random painting behind you because he can’t maintain eye contact or he will eXPlode

Actively tries to avoid you to the point where he’ll refuse to go places because there’s even a slim chance that you’ll be there too

Honestly all the boys are tired of him and his shit

Somehow they manage to convince him to confess

Hes too scared to do it in person so he records him singing something super cute and sends it to you with the caption ‘Be Mine? ❤️’ your number courtesy of nams

Your get a random text and when you realise who it is you are scREAMING, but you send back an ‘Of Course ❤️’

And thus begins the cutest relationship in the world

Texts you good morning and good night every day and gets worried if you dont reply

He blows up your phone because you didn’t text him back one day and you wake up angry like- “Jungkook it was 4AM I WAS asLEEP”

The kind of boyfriend to sit in the passenger seat and try to persuade the traffic light to turn orange before you can pass, just to piss you off

If the light turns and you stop hes suPER CoCkY abOUT IT

But if it doesn't he just acts smug like- “i was just kidding with that one, not feeling it-...”

Would also just be singing at the top of his lungs with the window wide open

And i mean of course you join in who can resist some celine am i right

kING of trying to annoy you

Buys you an ugly plushie because ‘it reminded you of him’

Bonus points if you gave him a plushie and he named it after you or sm shit, he sleeps with it every night

Once you drew him in ms paint and he framed it above his bed, it could be the ugliest photo but if it’s from you he adores it

You have a competition going where you are both trying to take the ugliest photos of each other, winner has to buy the other donuts

Is such a clean freak like you cant even look at his bed until you’ve had a shower

Will nag you if you leave clothes around the place but if you ask him to fold the laundry he’s ruNNING

Can cook a decent meal as long as you don’t look at the kitchen afterwards

At this point you've merged perfume collections, sometimes he uses your sprays when he’s in a rush in the morning and vice versa

Let me get real for a second, Since he’s young and hasn't had been able to be a teenager much, he thinks relationships are are sunshine and rainbows

He puts you on a pedestal because your his queen and god help anyone who dared to disrespect his queen- im sORRY

He wants you too lean on him and tell him everything but won't confide in you like ever because he's too scared

I feel like he’s the type to unconsciously give you the cold shoulder when hes stressed, its super obvious that something is wrong but hell avoid anyone that tries to talk to him about it

When he finally cracks and tells you all his insecurities and worries that’s when you know he really trusts you

One of his biggest fears is probably fucking up and losing you, he's never loved anyone so he’s putting his all into this relationship

And when i say he’s putting his all into it, he’s putting his ALL into this

Hes very insecure about the relationship, like he thinks you can do better and that he cant give you what you deserve, but as long as you're there to reassure him hes happy

Like all healthy relationships you two argue, most of the times its over petty things or when you both get stressed

But he’ll always crawl back into bed and hug you tight, whispering a soft ‘im sorry’ and ‘i love you’ into your shoulder

Okay back to the cute stuff ;)

A WHOLE SWITCH and you can fight me on this

Not to be creepy, but loves cuddling you when you wash your hair

Also loves when you hold his hand or play with his hair at ANY moment, but he won’t ever let you know that

A good balance between cute and fuckboi

But my baby boy is the cutest and still has a lot to learn, but you can bet your ass he’ll treasure you as best he can.

my first boyfriend!bts post, why i started with jungkook i’m not sure but look forward to whenever i get around to the other members and maybe a nsfw version hehe

thankyou for reading!

- kit

#bts #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bts boyfriend #bangtan boys #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan scenarios #bangtan reactions #bangtan #bts jungkook #bangtan jungkook #jungkook #jungkookie #kpop #k-pop #kpop jungkook #jeon jungkook #boyfriend jungkook #boyfriend bts

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identitycris1s · 4 years ago

Text

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:)

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes.

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castlehead · 7 years ago

Text

:a Not which one is right but which one is more like you Let's start now // this is a few makeshifts on the deity,

dint realize y i was gettin poor marks in college till i realized comic sans wasnt mla format for essays, but i kept on with it bc im anti establishment and my dope ass literary insights should speak for themselves.

my 'experimentation' as one nonplussed professor put it, with the font, progressively got crazier, and in the end i was doin all caps zapf wingdings mized wih herculanum

needless to say, i got my degree.. IN BEIN A BOSS.

na but yeah i got kicked out of that school. still bummin on campus actually, and probably psychotic from this ecstasy i keep taking. this guy in f comp makes his own, has a pill press nd everything.

the shoes i original got as a college present from my parents got stolen, or in any case i woke up in a snow drift next to the commons dumpster without them on, so i just wear slippers. my toes are purple. ther always feels like there is something in my teeth or throat i cannot dislodge. i am the campus transient, avoiding th. RAs and ignoring the eviction notices. like raping the willing, one cannot be evicted if one is homeless. with the help of a few friends i sold drugs to when my rents still gave me money and i was still enrolled, i alternate between various dormitory hovels, hiding out from the campus police like some ghastly dysfunctional version of anne frank.

i havent taken my pills and smell. i emaciate my already rejected body, rejected by the establishment goons, with cocaine, and remind myself of the leftover chicken carcass and neatly lined bones whose tomb was a disgusting box of dominos buffalo wings i ordred and consumed my first semester here and that remained in the same place until i abandoned that radioactive dormroom to die slowly and painfully, and metaphorically, since living quarters do not possess life. i am starting tho to wonder if i myself possess that as well or if i did once and now am but a structure, a part of the collegiate landscape, sniffed at by diligent students and attempted to get thru to by intellectual slackers, decadent addicts themselves on their way to where i am, and wooks who need someone to smoke with on a sunday 4 am and know i always keep track of what festis are goin on on campus; i receive the next round of empathy from a new stranger who maybe heard of me or has seen me around and wondered what i was still doing here.

empathy, empathy, curiosity as to the quirky insane dude fried by mdma and a shitload of adderall for no purpose bc i have no practical skills. a monotony of empathy ripping off and using for the metaphorical shit on my metaphorical ass, like swquares of toilet paper who fancy me a hobo poet in need of on top of text books i never opened, on a desk i used as a trash receptacle. and speaking of wings, i think i might be literally going into a dissociative state because all the leaves on the trees look like zapf wingdings. my clavicle is not only visible but sticks out of my body further than my chest does.

watch out for hell day today, for something godlier than god. i deliver it.

The effect I wish to give, as it always has been, is that of a truth clearly viewed, in utter horror. Gods factotum, shuffling thru abandoned files that sometime held a secret forgotten, tho no less true now, and the horror perhaps, that we forgot something so crucially, fundamentally true, and so long ago.

this work is twisted, sad, manic, strange, fluid, stilted, inappropriate, foolish, magnificent.

if god doesnt exist, neither does the version of myself with dreadlocks

. . . . . . .

one has no choice in the end but to resign oneself, and drop their head. and yet, where do they look, if one in shrinking away for the purpose of humbling hisself afore the god of anxiety, and receiving his respite, knows nothing more than but to resign? where is the clarity here? there is no clarity 'here'. it is there, and come upon in moments of fear and trembling at the dread chaos, the doubt in a heart and split in a mind.

it is there, for one is staring at the ground, awaiting an end to the necessary aversion from the sight of a higher morsel of GOD.

. . . . . . .

atheism should not be an opinion it is not the result of not believing in god it is simply living life without a thought as to a religious god. we are not reacting to religion we are IN reality just as the catholic is IN reality. saying "I don't believe in god" is like equating nothingness to a lack of everything. there is no reactive state to atheism at its purest. it is not an acknowledgment, in other words, of no god, but an acknowledgment of what is before one's eyes, this vast neutral space I defy you to say is different from the religious folks' apprehension of objects and desires, all before them, swimming in ghostly revelry or not, only figurations anyway. o this insanely divided world.

i have a secular conception of god based on my teleological hypotheses re the nature of a causa prima, causa sui. it's the definitions that need defining, not the thing with a name on it that needs explaining. physics already does that.

remove intent for the case of nihilism, and you will have what i am saying here. no case at all. no 'response' so to speak. atheism can be evangelical

im not an evangelical atheist because what i believe changes based on the day but is always just as real haha. belief is tenuous. i go by that

it's the definitions that need defining, not the thing that needs explaining.

my conception of god is that it is the only thing that does not exist. so in a way, yes, i am an atheist.

'God' as defined in its easiest terms, is an ultimate uniquity. like, an outstanding substance. anyway, idk. at the end of the day idk haha

Kant's own a priori notional form of perception comes to mind. in front of our eyes is what is real. the observer initiates the ocular nerve, and the thing or situation burns into the receiving blankness of the mind.

like, have we reaped all the possible benefits of fire by now? surely the wails of prometheus fall not on deaf ears!

. . . . . . .

twisted, sad, manic, strange, fluid, stilted, inappropriate, foolish, magnificent.

. . . . . . .

green tortilla chips my ass. he said with no attempt at disguising incredulity, wiping the tears from his brow.

. . . . . . .

whereas god is all, i am only myself, knowledgeable of only myself; therefore, unless god is simultaneously aware of being myself alone along with being everything, and of that everything knowledgeable of each and every thing as if god were only that thing, i am then let in on an experience of individuality that god is unaware of.

this is a question of how to be the most purely omniscient, omnipotent, etc. that is the question that our conception of god is asking.

corollary: if in the case of being simultaneously the experience i have of myself, and being all, then it is quite logical to say that our experience in life is in fact a godly experience, since i, too, would be unaware of being all, as goes the route of any human perception of things.

when i say i am only aware of myself i mean it in ontological terms, fyi -and also in, i will admit, somewhat absolutist terms. of course as people, psychologically, we can put ourselves in another's shoes, step outside of our comfort zone, change an opinion [or five] and every person is an environmental sponge -we can adopt varying personality traits from the culture we is born into etc. -this argument presupposes an absolute view, kinda,- in that, IF this were how it went, it wld go such nd such -this statement of mine does not examine a phenomenological or spiritual connection between people but examines the relativity and possible logical gaps in -the idea, or notion if you prefer- of omniscience.- there is only theory haha <#

we create our gods but they exist as much as we do

. . . . . . .

turn your back, find yourself faceless, at least, to someone.

. . . . . . .

wondering if I got a problm w. th prostate bc sometimes when I feel a shit coming I piss n it goes away. Don't change much re bathroom routine tho since I already sit down wen I pee in the first place, and according to my second ex wife this means I am a lazy fat whore

interested in the concept of the devout as being the truest sceptics.

. . . . . . .

Thought has the coherence of being but is not being, i.e. beginning and ending in our living heads as something not itself alive, but a mere transfer of connection willed consciously to create that inert unbreathing grand called the magnificent bullshit, the idea.

the quiet horror of the mundane dailyness.

. . . . . . .

i think something elitist and say within, Well that was elitist wasnt it, dan. then pat myself on the back at my ability to check my arrogance, specifically when i see the thought thru the lens of something a cousin of mine with generally liberal views and empathy who fishes in alaska for money and lives off the grid would remark to himself. then, i get slightly nauseated after mentally leafing thru all the times i have been proud of mentally criticizing myself for something in the first place outwardly bad. and there goes on the circular drudge of ugliness, not evaded outright, but felt the pangs of guilt in the says within, that say me again and again in my inertial brood, of void i would hope, of searching for clarity i wish, but that is probably more like a moralizing, limited gauge, like feeling better about something ugly that is yr fault by feeling bad about it for a little so you can get that part over with without the possibility of another harder wave of guilt for not feeling bad at all about the ugly thing, and therewith reacting with doubts to doubtful reactions, until yr whole value system is a wilderness of mirrors.

. . . . . . .

im a perfectionist when it comes to sensation. the beautiful feeling must be experienced in the proper setting that would maximize its potential. i think this is y i used to do lots of drugs, which by nature are the commodification of sensations. probably also y i was super miserable doing them and kept doing them despite that. there is a certain ring of the hoarder or magpie in this perfectionism that wants to connect physicality with ego that i see as well in the idea of paying money to literally feel specific sensations; equally, the result of this on the psyche is as tenuous here as with the futile idea of thinking the perfect setting for doing drugs is always at hand, which it rarely is, or at the least there is something to mar the perfect dream, that dragon, that pursuit of happiness, life, and liberty via thinking on how best situate the chains to, in essence, 'maximize' your mobility, but nathless remaining held in doom. the drug world, uh, is itself volatile; perfectionism and volatility dont jive so well, usually. and so on. hm. hegh.

heh.

. . . . . . .

I only like Eminem rap and that one NWA song like hell naw the rest is garbage now let me go back to my trailer in the woods where I live in harmony with the Elves who have seemed to appear more frequently now that I have that bathtub meth dungeon set up in my basement where skynerd plays ceaselessly from an unlocatable place. My hero is Ed Gein. But I don't do the lampshade thing. I do however have a human skull I bought from my buddy who owns a war relics and parephernalia shop, he had to go in the back to get it and lock the store so nobodys would come snoop. Turns out some folks comed snoop to see if he figured any more available and he got mad at me for blabbing, an I said, Giles, ya know I ain't blabbing, but he dint believe it, an now we just kinder avoid each other at the local NA meetin. People tryn cop there and some do and theys go behind the water tower tagitit, I int do that part tho, a tad fucked up I mean, these people try n getting clean an all, why make it harder n it eyis? But if y'all wanit I get it tiya, come by and share a chaw almighty God. Gib ye a gude price too. *PATOOEY* I. Uh am sober myself. 20 yrs. but damn ye ye make a buck more n working garbage detail selling home cooked meth I reckon ye. Don't touch the stuff I don't anymore after I heard this queer fella from out a town got his arm chopped off when he mainlined eyit. Tryn I guess do some sex stuff and a days travel from the city. City folk don't know it's diffeRent strength down here's doe. I reckon. *MEDITATIVE PATOOEY* yes sirn. Huhm.

. . . . . . .

The thing abt the Sex Pistols is, tho they engineered the punk genre immeasurably, they seem to no longer be in the cultural conversation, except within factions of grey haired aficionados. Even the more radio friendly The Clash seems notably absent in this regard. Has punk developed beyond its early stages, or is punk, being the genre that it is, dependent on whatever the moments youth zeitgeist is? punk is visceral because it is held in time this way. first gen punk, cbgbs headliners of ago and ago, do not exert these days the same walbreaking feel, bc I think there's so much virtuosic music being made today that the path of what will develop is harder to determine. Musicians in throes break down walls without batting an eye. Any musical iconoclasm expressed in the music of the past, then, especially to the contemporary ear, is bound to seem bathetic. Like microaggressions as expressions of racism, our society's opening of mind leads to a closed mind, as one can justify not being racist by simply saying they do not think they are better than marginalized peoples, have never done anything racist, think we are all equal, are not clansmen lol. what ruffles feathers is less obvious, in turn, bc expressions of the ersatz new and the real new are harder and harder to determine. The surplus of media, ideas, and opinions, I think, will lead us to a place where "cultural norm" becomes an oxymoron, hopefully. But then, what else will be left to invigorate, if so much is already so much done out, already? Does there exist a perspective, artistic or no, that is not liable to become passé? Or even some thought never thought before? I know there is, I for one know there is, because as a poet I see much to fix, and much that I work to do bc I see it nowhere else; and this most crucially is not an impression of mine based on today's lit but every days lit there has ever been, throughout history. Just I can literally not even yo, yo

. . . . . . .

Mathsmatics can transcend thru the grandeur of its implications but not thru the means towards said implications; philo can do the same, but it's better penchant is for transcending thru means to electrify a mundane conclusion or give a system of reason to a general thought-trope such as, "reality is an illusion" or whichever flat idea u prefer to follow. Since it is pure logos, philo differs from math in being more readily universal; tho the applications of math are more readilly useful than the positives that come with mental clarity at the understanding an achieved unified system. Poetry is all means, so then must dazzle, and needs no evidence, conclusion, or even subject, but need only sway with beauty. Therein is the problem with the existential issue of selfhood. Reductive analysis of self becomes psych, and the only pure philo to be had in selfhoods exegesis is not to be found in anything like a system of proofs or syllogisms, etc. selfhood, as Kierkegaard recognized, is poetic bc it exacerbates reality, exhausts all of it. it is individual, and so copious a thing has no one forged path to what it is, or even any path at all, to what it is, since like Pascals God the self is a circle whose point is everywhere and circumference nowhere. Figuring out a reality via a teleology or thru logic is nicer to attempts at systems. But individual self is too mucky for any proof to say it exists; the murkiness shines, as it always does, when the means are prevalent, since the means, being held moment to moment, rely on nothing but expose a variety of paths to more variety. Philo then is better at least than Math for finding out something obfuscated, but nothing but poetry can so deeply probe the self, as its humility is lain in the respect for a complete dissembling of systems.

. . . . . . .

the iconic ny jewish deli sandwich is in essence a robust mountain of roast beef held feebly between two unnecessary pieces of sad, chickenshit marble rye

the roast beef, of course, wld be kosher.

I create; I waste. Yet nothing is perfect, nothing, nothing. Not even dignity.

#prose #collage #frammenti #zibaldone #makeshift #god #god n stuff #prowse #writing

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fgiggl3sx2 · 5 years ago

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I want to fucking scream. I want to fucking cry. I want to fucking disappear. Why does all this keep happening? I feel i will never be good enough for you. I do things not thinking or knowing that it could possibly mess things up for us. I have never gone through this before, i never been with someone who gets pissed off with me because i deleted pictures of myself because i find them ugly or i just dont like it. It sucks because of the fact i didnt tell you all the trust is gone. It sucks that i downloaded messenger to check something cause i assumed you was using it i cant be trusted because i didnt tell you. youre right i dont think of these things because to be honest ive never had to do any of this before so its hard for me to keep up everything just to make you happy and for you to be at ease but some how i always manage to fuck it up without meaning too. And even if i explain myself and tell you the truth and the why behind it.. its too late because you already feel the way you feel and its not fair to me because im literally doing nothing wrong. And you still feel im talking to someone but how? You have all my information you can clearly see what i do and who i talk too. So because i dont remember old information i cant be trusted? You dont remember old and newer information but i trust your word behind it but because of what i did when it came to jeff its different right? Which isnt fair. It sucks that you always search for things in my past, yeah i did it in the beginning which i shouldnt have. But why are you doing it now? Its not right, but of course you are going to use that against me and make me feel like shit always. Any little thing i do you always make me feel like shit for it. It sucks, it sucks that im walking on fucking eggshells with you, because it seems like anything i do is wrong in your eyes when all i been trying to do is fix myself and us. Its gotten to the point where i question if you even love me anymore? Are you looking for reasons to just not love me anymore or to not care anymore? Are you looking for reasons to try and leave or just not give a shit about our relationship because it will be easier for you? ... I took a break from typing.. but here’s a random question you ever took a shower and then just put your hands on your ears and just let out a silent scream. i swear i was there just silently screaming for a good 2mins under the water with tears running down my face. i had the strongest fucking urge to cut myself like i just needed too.. instead i was just scratching at my chest i promised him i would never harm myself again but fuck do i want too. I hate this i truly hate this, i hate how im feeling its too much i feel myself exploding from it all. I ended up giving you proof because you feel that all i do is keep lying to you when im not i tell you the truth about it all but dont give EXACT detail. Why do i have to apply that i had to log into mine to click on your profile if i wasnt even viewing my own.. think of it as a detour you just pass through a different way but you dont actually stop anywhere .. i didnt stop to view who messaged me i could care fucking less who messaged me but you dont understand that.. and oh look you found another reason to not want to trust me “how ironic” as you would say. Then assume i deleted shit when i didnt and if i did on fb it would tell you if i did or not. The messages you were thinking of was on instagram but because you dont want to believe it because you are uncertain im still a liar? And then you go and assume i would unblock him what fucking for? i have everything i need and want right in from of me which is you!! Why is it that you cant make any mistakes why is it only me? Like obviously you made a mistake but whatever i will take the blame for that one too because fuck it, im already at fault for everything else.Then we are going to bring up the cheating message there is so many different forms of cheating doesnt mean its right because its not cheating in any form is cheating. Me seeing someone behind your back is a form of cheating even if i didnt physically do anything with that person, but because i knew she liked me it was wrong of me to hang out with her. The only person i physically did that too was Guillo. But after him everyone else cheated on me and i felt i was in the wrong for hanging out with her knowing i shouldnt even though they already cheated on me.. i will always blame myself for everything because obviously i did something wrong for them to cheat on me right? It all stopped when i met Ryan though. He changed me in many ways and to be a better person i then knew what i wanted in a relationship and i knew i wanted to be married one day and to settle down so that was my goal in life. So when i say i use bad choice of words sometimes i really fucking do at times. Shit when i was with ryan i felt bad for even doing stuff with my baby daddy at times even if it was for chance. Thats how much i changed.. and when we cross paths again is when you met the changed me. And i fell so fucking hard for you and i already fucked up once. I dont know why you feel that i would EVER want to fucking do it again. HELL NO, i want to be your wife i would never cheat on you!! Im sorry it feels like endless lies but i did fix that but when im under pressure i fuck up soo much that i tend to ruin everything and i hate that about myself. I never been more sure of someone like you before. i never tried so hard in a relationship before either.. like when jessica said i came along way believe that because i really fucking did. i do things for you i would never do.. i didnt even do with ryan like give all my info to you and have you forever be able to read my texts. i would never do that for anybody i would tell them to fuck right off to trust me. i know its not easy trusting me right now because i keep fucking up my words and doing everything poorly because we simply think differently. But doesnt mean i wont keep pushing and trying. I just dont want you to give up on me because i know in person it was soo much easier for us it was and you KNOW THAT. I just hope you can make it up that long. and i hope you still want to be my Husband Brandon because i want to be the best wife you ever had.. and i want to be your wife. and i will continue to change and improve us and myself. for better or for worse. I hope you dont take this message as another fight because i dont have anymore fight left in me. I still cant stop crying.. you dont have to respond to this message at all. Just please ... Will you stay? Will you continue to fight? Most importantly ... Will you marry me? </3

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radiohorizon · 8 years ago

Text

38 years later

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: i dunno 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: lmao no 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: i think 163: Hell: yes 162: God: i believe in something 161: Horoscopes: im not sure 160: Soul mates: yes 159: Ghosts: yes 158: Gay Marriage: duh 157: War: i dont really know 156: Orbs: yes 155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: high 152: Phone or Online: depends 151: Red heads or Black haired: dont care 150: Blondes or Brunettes: dont care 149: Hot or cold: cold 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends because i love chocolate but it gives me headaches 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: honestly dont care 142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king for burgers, mcdonalds for snack wrap 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: depends 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: coke 136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA  135: Burried or cremated: buried in the cemetery up the road from where i live 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: dont care 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they? 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: how bout kohls 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam Sandler 128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure because im reallllly ticklish on my feet and i end up flinching the whole time 127: East Coast or West Coast: only ever been on the east coast so idrk 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney!!! 123: Yankees or Red Sox: how bout Orioles

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: i respect the people fighting for our country and for others, but i wish everyone could just stop killing eachother 121: George Bush: gross 120: Gay Marriage: Gaaaaayyyyyy 119: The presidential election: grosser 118: Abortion: no judgement on whether or not someone decides to get one. Personally i dont think i could, but will always vote pro choice 117: MySpace: never had one so idk 116: Reality TV: can be entertaining but usually really dumb 115: Parents: i love them more than anything 114: Back stabbers: fuck you 113: Ebay: sketchy 112: Facebook: people are annoying and i hate that i live in hick central 111: Work: dont have ajob but am trying to get one 110: My Neighbors: since 3 of my best friends are my neighbors, i guess theyre alright 109: Gas Prices: way too fucking high 108: Designer Clothes: dont care about them UNLESS its converse because thats my shit right there 107: College: start it in 5 months :( 106: Sports: love em but suck at em 105: My family: my rock and support, but they piss me off a lot 104: The future: scares the fuck out of me

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: a few ninutes ago 102: Last time you ate: few hours ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: about 2-3 weeks ago at the gym 100: Cried in front of someone: a few weeks ago i cried in front of abby because i found out kelsey has a girlfriend 99: Went to a movie theater: two weekends ago and saw Get Out and holy shit its good 98: Took a vacation: 2-3 years ago 97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago i think 96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: little over a month ago 94: Went to a wedding: last summer 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: last spring 91: Broke the law: never i think? 90: Texted: about 2 seconds ago i texted Lacey

[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My lunch table 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cats and my moms hugs 87: The last movie I saw: i saw get out in theaters but watched thunderbirds for the millionth time in art so im a happy camper 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting the fuck away from this place and these memories 85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduating, starting college, moving away, leaving my friends, leaving my animals, growing up, the list could go on forever 84: People call me: elizabeth, beth, bethany, lizzy, liz, bethyboo, bethers, bethy, 83: The most difficult thing to do is: move on and let go 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: pisces 80: The first person i talked to today was: lacey or bea idrk 79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one, im pretty good with keeping a good face on 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i have no idea 76: Right now I am talking to: Lace💜👑 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: homicide detective or BAU 74: I have/will get a job: soon hopefully 73: Tomorrow: school, test, paint, facetime this beautiful girl, sleep 72: Today: school, test, painted, studied 71: Next Summer: senior weeek🤙🏻 and hopefully just simple hangouts with friends 70: Next Weekend: Stevenson university visit 69: I have these pets: 2 cats (sadie and ziva) and 1 dog (westen oliver) 68: The worst sound in the world: hearing people chew or breathe hard 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex 66: People that make you happy: my friends and parents 65: Last time I cried: last night 64: My friends are: the only reason im alive 63: My computer is: a Windows something 62: My School: sucks 61: My Car: doesnt exist 60: I lose all respect for people who: judge others with no reason and refuse to be nice 59: The movie I cried at was: if I stay and hunger games trilogy 58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde/ light brown 57: TV shows you watch: criminal minds, shameless, the 100, friends, the fosters, lie to me, NCIS, scooby doo 56: Favorite web site: tumblr  55: Your dream vacation: a lake house 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: recovery after my heart surgery and when they had to take out my chest tubes 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy but my favorite place 51: My favorite celebrity is: jennifer lawrence or ryan Reynolds or josh hucherson or Noel Fisher 50: Where would you like to be: childhood 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: ye 47: Who’s your best friend: the twins, fergs, abby, rat pack, stevie, hailey, bea 46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: gaining more flexibility 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: jarred 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sorta 41: Have you pre-named your children: yepp. Daesin, Fiona, tegan and ryan 40: Last person I got mad at: my dad 39: I would like to move to: maryland or deleware 38: I wish I was a professional: dancer

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: gummy bears and kit kats or smarties 36: Vehicle: jeep Cherokee  35: President: OBAMA 34: State visited: Florida 33: Cellphone provider: dunno 32: Athlete: Misty Copeland 31: Actor: Ryan Reynolds and Noel Fisher 30: Actress: Jennifer Lawrence 29: Singer: Amy Lee 28: Band: Evanescence 27: Clothing store: KOHLS 26: Grocery store: giant 25: TV show: shameless 24: Movie: thunderbirds or chitty chitty bang bang 23: Website: tumblr 22: Animal: monkey 21: Theme park: disney 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: allstar cheerleading or soccer 18: Sport to play: soccer 17: Magazine: dont have one but if i did i guess people? 16: Book: WAYYY too many 15: Day of the week: wednesday 14: Beach: bethany beach 13: Concert attended: evanescence even tho i couldnt see shit 12: Thing to cook: grilled cheese 11: Food: cheeseburger 10: Restaurant: green turtle 9: Radio station: 106.5 8: Yankee candle scent: i dunno 7: Perfume: hollister or ed hardy 6: Flower: rose 5: Color: purple 4: Talk show host: my girl ellen 3: Comedian: john Maloney, kevin heart, illiza shelshinger  2: Dog breed: golden retriever  1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeppers

#asks #asks answers #💜👑

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letters-to-my-head · 5 years ago

Text

22/1/2020

this is the first time i’ve ever typed out 2020. how strange.

well i have just gotten back from a mental breakdown. in short, im reconsidering my relationship. i think i should take a break, for real this time. i cant rely on it to feel any kind of validation. he doesnt text me doesnt mean im ugly or unloveable. and it doesnt feel right for him to be selfish sometimes. these are just my thoughts for now, they might not be as accurate as i think they are once i settle down mentally. but just take a break. it feels right. it feels liberating. sure the warmth of affection is fun an charming, but if the lack of verbal affection brings me down so much then thats my own problem to figure out, to solve. still, im coming to him. it means much more than to just fall in love again. i will have fun. i will have a great time. my first time travelling alone will be out of the country. that sounds so interesting, whether the relationship works out or not.

yesterday he was still very affectionate in texts. i’ll see how it goes but the next few days i will be going out more. even just for a morning walk. early get ready. maybe bike out. even if i dont want to. i hate staying home. maybe get into a mall. sit in a cafe. be productive. your day shouldnt revolve around him texting you or not.

at this very moment, i couldnt care less. sure, it pains me a little when i look at couples right in front of my face, but then i have to remind myself maybe i am in a better space of freedom where i dont have to worry about texting anyone. i dont get to share my deepest insecurities anyway. maybe i am better off moving on, clearing space for new people.

maybe i love him because he loves me, and i need that love. do i really love him for who he is? i love how he acts around me. do i? these questions i have to figure out.

right now, though, i am thinking of a crazy change. i am thinking of rock star personality, witty, care free, lots of winks, platform boots, booze

but idk. one second ago i was almost serious about bleaching my hair blonde. i was almost serious about spending too much money just to look different and piss my family off. i’m not a very stable person to start with.

just go to sleep. you will feel more calm. get a dose of the smiles. get up early tomorrow. wash yourself. then go out. buy a small accessory. keep reading that book. one day off, and then let’s see if you feel motivated enough to look at a book review you gotta submit.

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ilygsd · 7 years ago

Text

odfidk: 300718

me and my mom fighting and it brings up memories from like 1-2 years ago when we were fighting all the fucking time, partly bc she was depressed and idk i just found it annoying or smth. idk why. its so mean of me to be so cold and just constantly scream at her and be angry at her even though shes sick and struggling financially but now when i hear her crying again i just cant........ stand it. i get so fucking angry its brings be back to 7th grade again and it totally pisses me off. i feel like seems playing the victim but i know she doesnt line i know its hard for her and she's been through stuff too but i just........... i dont feel anything. i dont feel any compssion or empathy at all i just feel ANNOY.

idk why i am like that. my older adoptive brother used to live with me, mom and lil sis bc he was depressed too and didnt have anywhere to live and i was so pissed. i went to this rich white school and i hated having divorced parents, a mom who was depressed and i couldnt afford all the other things the other kids could. now i realize what they got was fucking insane like they travelled abroad 2727 times a year and only wore designer brands at age 13 like who the fuck can afford that. but back then it made me feel like shit and my relationship to money is just....... even now i cant buy expensive shit. or yes i can, like computer snd stuff but i cant buy expensive clothes or make up cus i feel like such a brag and i still kinda feel like that cus dont like money but i also want money imd sving like s crazy person i have quite much money and i feel quiltat cus i have a lot but i still feel poor and i still cant get myself to spend. and my childhood was ever rough, my parents always made sure to give us what we needed (even if it wasnt like ine if those ugly juicu picture outfits for 100$ each) but i still hated the fact that my dad has to pay for mom and we had to live with him more just bc mom was depressed or not financially stable. i hated to hear them talk abt money and as the older sister i always felt responsible

it was hell back then and im soooo glad we're through that but ive always been the bitch dramatic annoying difficult kid that no one liked. and i was that bc....... idk i have so much anger and sade as within me i guess and also cus well.... then my lil sis wont have to do all this fighting. she was mostly quiet and if she was sad she was sad on her own (or maybe talked to mom a bit sfter). i think she was svared of me back then and i dont blame me i was very very aggressive and im still very aggressive when fighting

im just so frustrated. idk why im such s mean bigch i just cant stand it. maybe i feel guilty?? maybe im svared? idk but when i hear my mom cry i just want to go up to her and slap her. i remember when they divirced and i was like 11. it was like lodig a family again tbh, no it WAS losing a family again. i was always proud over our family but after that it was hell. and i constantly blamed mom and dad for adoöting us, then divorcing snd then getting fucking depressed and low key poor. i was so angry abt mom divorcing dad and i didnt even care why. its so insenditive bc i remember she called dad an enotional abuser and i can low key undersyand what she means but its more like my dad just not being able to express his feelings and he delas with it like pretending nothings wrong which is frustrating ss hell. were fighting a lot too cus he refuses to see things and hes always this positive hoe like..... anyways i blamed her and i saw her as my enemy. thats a problem i have i alwyas see people as friends or enemies and nothing in between. i always think ppl want to hurt me, even my own boyfriend. wow ive been so mean to him too. a mistake and i avt like hes the worst fkn scum on earth just trying to stab me. i blamed mom for everything and the worst thing is that when she says "shes okay with it", me blaming her snd she undersyand its i just grt even more angriper and frustrated and i just cant stand that goody goody. same with my boyfriend when i was treating him like trash and he forgave me i was like........ bitch no

i dont know why it id like that. its like in pushing people away. i obviously do, i realized. i always thought i was the one clinging onto ppl and them ababdoning me but im actually pushing them away bu being a dramatic bigch snd always starting drama when im not satisifed. i started drama with my friends cus i felt like they didnt like me which was actually justified tho cus they beger invited me to anything and they cut off ppl if they one day decided they didnt like them so i was constantly scared snd wanted more attention eve tho they gave me everything. and obviously that fucked shir up and they cut me off snd i went BANANAS.

why do i always go bananas. its happening iver and over again. i alwyas go bananas and im always so hateful. my attitude to everything is like: "ITS ME!!!! IM THE CICTIM!!!" i really have an inferior complex dont i?? but i also kinda have a superior complex too? where it ink im better. but i think my superior complex is like s defense mechanism to my inferior. im like a bully but more of a drama queen. i remember when my ex bff called me a drama wueen i was soooooooo offended and now i realize bc its true. i am a drama queen but not bc i think its fun fighting thats why i got offended. ppl always think k want to start fights and like to start fights and...... its kind sture but not really. its true that i always start fights and that i feel like i have to fight allt he time but its simple bc of what i justs aid; i feel like i always have to fight and win. life is a constant battle for me, everyones after me. i have to fight even though im anxious all the time im fighting.

i dont understand why im so mean all the time. like when my mom is crying or when she was depressed or when me and my boyfriend are fighting and im so mean i make him cry i dont feel anything. i once said to my dad "now i understand why mom divirced you" and i didnt even feel bad about it. i just get annoyed, especially at my mom. i just want to tell then to shut the fuck up and when i was younger i literally did. my parents got divorced, my mom got ptsd, our money.... :// and i literally just blamed her for everything. for breaking up with dad, adopting me and my sister, divorcing, getting sick, getting bad economy. i hated her and i was such a mean little bitch. we fought constantly for years and even though its better now...... its still there within me. i was fighting with her again today and heard her crying and i just..... wanted her to stop. not because i care but because it makes me feel bad or something i dont know? oh yes, that must be it by the way. its probably guilt. yes its definitely guilt. even when she forgives me and even my boyfriend forgives me for being mean i get even more annoyed and it MUST be because i feel even more guilty?? i dont undersyand though why am i alwyas so mean. its really true i feel like the world is against me. i see people as friends or enemies and nothin inbetween like my boyfriend can make a mistake and i can get so fucking angry bc i think he wants to hurt me or something which is horrible. hes literally crying, telling me that he's been there for me all this time, when i wanted to die, when i fought with my parents and lost all my friends. hes telling me; "ive only been trying to help you. ive only been kind to you. why do you think i want to hurt you. i love you. why cant you see that"

just thinking back at those words gets me teary. hes so right but at moments like those i cant see or feel it. im blinded by.... i dont know. paranoia? hatred? fear? at that moment i refuse to see the truth in his words and instead i grow even more annoyed. and then i feel guilty and i try to shut him out which im doing by blaming him. i once forced him to break up with me just to blame him for it. thats some psycho shit and no matter how much im trying to undersyand i dont undersyand my own behavior but i also know im the first one to declare WAR as soon as someone criticize me. only my boyfriend can criticize me (when im stable, uhhh when im not stable im afraid i would be very very very mean to him). i only tteust him. but im also so guilty. hes too nice for me and we all know its true. im just using him. im using him. first i used him for his love and undersyanding. and now im not even in live with him anymore. now i use him because of everything we've been through, because i trust him better than anyone and because im svared of being alone and unloved. i dont know if i live him or if thats just some sick shit an abuser would tell themselves to keep staying with their target. i'd like to think i love him but maybe i only think about myself. maybe im only living on his love anyways because i sure as hell dont live myself. can i really say i love jim? look at me. im sad and i feel bad im about to text him i love him but then is top myself.... is that only me manipulating him? manipulating myself? i want to believe i love him to make me feel ebtter? ir would make sense considering how much i use him tor reassure myself. ive beeb doubting our relationship a lot and everytime i use him as a comforter to tell me everything will be fine.

i feel like im always mean and scare people away even though i want them to stay with me. even though i want to love them. why is it like that. why do i always feel so fucked up

sometimes im afraid to show this side and sometimes im not.

in struggling between moving on from the disgusting person i was but like..... i dont wanna escape. i feel like im only ignoring her snd i dont deserve it. i feel like im still that person no matter how much i try to move one idk. maybe its time? maybe it would feel better if i apologized but i just.... cant. im too proud. they both apologized to be snd in the moment i accepted and apologized to them too but now..... i dont know. sometimes i feel like i was a complete bitch and everhthing was my fault which it was. i was having a war with myself and i dragged them into it. i was paranoid and thought they only wanted to hurt me. but st the same time i also KNOW they did things that werent very smart. i dont think they did it on purpose like i think back then but...... fuck it was stupid and im still mad about it. i just felt so abandoned and humiliated and the reason i got so depressed back then was because i realized its because of who i am. similar things have happened before but i just kept going cus i thought they were dumb af but now i really realized i got issues. snd im afraid i wont ever be able to make a real friend if i cant fix it

i feel like i have to hide it and if i hide it and cant show it im a bad person and ppl will judge me and hate me (justified)

im trying to be positive and the better im feeling, the less mean i am but like...... im still mean and abusive.

#diary #odfidk

0 notes

radiohorizon · 8 years ago

Note

All of them. Please? For me?

Youre killin meeeeeee🙄

200 things you can put in my ask200: My crush’s name is: Lacey😛😍 199: I was born in: 1999 198: I am really: short, tired, sarcastic, idk?? 197: My cellphone company is: verizon 196: My eye color is: blue/grey 195: My shoe size is: 3 in kids, 5 in womens 194: My ring size is: i have no idea, probably small but not too small cause i got far fingers 193: My height is: 5'1 192: I am allergic to: sulfa drugs and grass 191: My 1st car was: dont have one 190: My 1st job was: waitress at a local restaurant  189: Last book you read: King Lear in school but Clockwork Princess for fun 188: My bed is: my favorite and super comfy and my best friend literally comes over just to nap in it 187: My pet: 2 cats, 1 dog 186: My best friend: Andrew, Elizabeth, Abby, Katie, Kristy, Annabelle, Kyle, Hailey, Stevie, Bea 185: My favorite shampoo is: Suave Ocean 184: Xbox or ps3: xbox 183: Piggy banks are: idrc about them?? 182: In my pockets: dont have pockeys rn 181: On my calendar: nothings 180: Marriage is: in my future 179: Spongebob can: idrc cause idc 178: My mom: is my favorite person 177: The last three songs I bought were?Wasted youth by fletcherIn too deep by the sweeplingsIs there somewhere by halsey176: Last YouTube video watched:"50 things about me" by Nina Jablonska 175: How many cousins do you have?A shit ton 174: Do you have any siblings?1 sister and 1 brother that ive never met 173: Are your parents divorced?No and i never see them getting divorced. Theyre honestly the only reason i still believe in love 172: Are you taller than your mom?We're the same height actually 171: Do you play an instrument?Nope 170: What did you do yesterday? Went to school, studied, talked to Lacey, went to sleep[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: i dunno 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: lmao no 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: i think 163: Hell: yes 162: God: i believe in something 161: Horoscopes: im not sure 160: Soul mates: yes 159: Ghosts: yes 158: Gay Marriage: duh 157: War: i dont really know 156: Orbs: yes 155: Magic: yes[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: high 152: Phone or Online: depends 151: Red heads or Black haired: dont care 150: Blondes or Brunettes: dont care 149: Hot or cold: cold 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends because i love chocolate but it gives me headaches 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: honestly dont care 142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king for burgers, mcdonalds for snack wrap 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: depends 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: coke 136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA  135: Burried or cremated: buried in the cemetery up the road from where i live 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: dont care 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they? 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: how bout kohls 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam Sandler 128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure because im reallllly ticklish on my feet and i end up flinching the whole time 127: East Coast or West Coast: only ever been on the east coast so idrk 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney!!! 123: Yankees or Red Sox: how bout Orioles[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: i respect the people fighting for our country and for others, but i wish everyone could just stop killing eachother 121: George Bush: gross 120: Gay Marriage: yay 119: The presidential election: grosser 118: Abortion: no judgement on whether or not someone decides to get one. Personally i dont think i could, but will always vote pro choice 117: MySpace: never had one so idk 116: Reality TV: can be entertaining but usually really dumb 115: Parents: i love them more than anything 114: Back stabbers: fuck you 113: Ebay: sketchy 112: Facebook: people are annoying and i hate that i live in hick central 111: Work: dont have ajob 110: My Neighbors: since 3 of my best friends are my neighbors, i guess theyre alright 109: Gas Prices: way too fucking high 108: Designer Clothes: dont care about them UNLESS its converse because thats my shit right there 107: College: start it in 5 months :( 106: Sports: love em but suck at em 105: My family: my rock and support, but they piss me off a lot 104: The future: scares the fuck out of me[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: a few ninutes ago 102: Last time you ate: few hours ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: about 2-3 weeks ago at the gym 100: Cried in front of someone: a few weeks ago i cried in front of abby because i found out kelsey has a girlfriend 99: Went to a movie theater: two weekends ago and saw Get Out and holy shit its good 98: Took a vacation: 2-3 years ago 97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago i think 96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: little over a month ago 94: Went to a wedding: last summer 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: last spring 91: Broke the law: never i think? 90: Texted: about 2 seconds ago i texted Lacey[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My lunch table 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cats and my moms hugs 87: The last movie I saw: i saw get out in theaters but watched thunderbirds for the millionth time in art so im a happy camper 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting the fuck away from this place and these memories 85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduating, starting college, moving away, leaving my friends, leaving my animals, growing up, the list could go on forever 84: People call me: elizabeth, beth, bethany, lizzy, liz, bethyboo, bethers, bethy, 83: The most difficult thing to do is: move on and let go 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: pisces 80: The first person i talked to today was: lacey or bea idrk 79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one, im pretty good with keeping a good face on 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i have no idea 76: Right now I am talking to: Lace💜👑 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: homicide detective or BAU 74: I have/will get a job: soon hopefully 73: Tomorrow: school, test, paint, facetime this beautiful girl, sleep 72: Today: school, test, painted, studied 71: Next Summer: senior weeek🤙🏻 and hopefully just simple hangouts with friends 70: Next Weekend: towson university visit 69: I have these pets: 2 cats (sadie and ziva) and 1 dog (westen oliver) 68: The worst sound in the world: hearing people chew or breathe hard 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex 66: People that make you happy: my friends and parents 65: Last time I cried: last night 64: My friends are: the only reason im alive 63: My computer is: a Windows something 62: My School: sucks 61: My Car: doesnt exist 60: I lose all respect for people who: judge others with no reason and refuse to be nice 59: The movie I cried at was: if I stay 58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde/ light brown 57: TV shows you watch: criminal minds, shameless, the 100, friends, the fosters, lie to me, NCIS, scooby doo 56: Favorite web site: tumblr  55: Your dream vacation: a lake house 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: recovery after my heart surgery and when they had to take out my chest tubes 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy but my favorite place 51: My favorite celebrity is: jennifer lawrence or ryan Reynolds or josh hucherson 50: Where would you like to be: childhood 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: ye 47: Who’s your best friend: the twins, fergs, abby, rat pack, stevie, hailey, bea 46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: gaining more flexibility 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: jarred 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sorta 41: Have you pre-named your children: yepp. Daesin, Fiona, tegan and ryan 40: Last person I got mad at: my dad 39: I would like to move to: maryland or deleware 38: I wish I was a professional: dancer[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: gummy bears and kit kats or smarties 36: Vehicle: jeep Cherokee  35: President: OBAMA 34: State visited: Florida 33: Cellphone provider: dunno 32: Athlete: Misty Copeland 31: Actor: Ryan Reynolds and Noel Fisher 30: Actress: Jennifer Lawrence 29: Singer: Amy Lee 28: Band: Evanescence 27: Clothing store: KOHLS 26: Grocery store: giant 25: TV show: shameless 24: Movie: thunderbirds or chitty chitty bang bang 23: Website: tumblr 22: Animal: monkey 21: Theme park: disney 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: allstar cheerleading or soccer 18: Sport to play: soccer 17: Magazine: dont have one but if i did i guess people? 16: Book: WAYYY too many 15: Day of the week: wednesday 14: Beach: bethany beach 13: Concert attended: evanescence even tho i couldnt see shit 12: Thing to cook: grilled cheese 11: Food: cheeseburger 10: Restaurant: green turtle 9: Radio station: 106.5 8: Yankee candle scent: i dunno 7: Perfume: hollister or ed hardy 6: Flower: rose 5: Color: purplr 4: Talk show host: my girl ellen 3: Comedian: jon Maloney, kevin heart, illiza shelshinger  2: Dog breed: golden retriever  1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeppers

#asks #💜👑#only cause she's cute

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