#there are tons of ways to cope and stuff

[neon-danger]

Oh well. At least it works for you.

It definitely is not for everyone, I am very lucky in that regard.

[lipstickontheglass1985]

honestlyyyy i lowkey need to burn down my smartphone

[green-mountain-goose]

-

[wewontbesleeping]

ugh it’s sooo annoying trying to find a new person to buy weed from. I can’t wait until dispensaries open here so I don’t have to do the whole social interaction thing anymore lol

[peanutheaddd]

NEW PEANOR AU YYYYAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dm DIVINE LIBERATION AU!!!!!!!!! deets below cut as always

im gonna preface by saying idk anything about the christianity lore and im not all too interested in learning it either. i was a christian for much of the early years of my life and i dont care much to go back to that era LMFAO most of this au is js using christian imagery bc the christians lwk ate so hard w their religious imagery . neon genesis evangelion type beat . anwyays moving on.

a bit obvious but i gotta start my lore dump somewhere. dm is a priest in this au and petey is a demon

petey is a fallen angel . as in he was born an angel but he was expelled from heaven

in this au there is corruption in the heaven and hell system . god is dead type beat. but not rlly . maybe dormant? maybe god has lost faith in humankind and has gone into hibernation? god cannot exist without faith smth smth Aaanyways.

that being said petey only got expelled from heaven for reasons almost entirely out of his control. he is still graces son and im thinking grace got involved in some anti heaven stuff bc yk heavens system was becoming more and more fucked up . so i reckon when they found out they executed her and as they were in the process of executing her petey tried to protect her but obvs he couldnt be he was a kid. so they executed her and expelled petey for being a traitor . this all happens when peteys like the human equivalent of 12-14 years old maturity wise

anwyays that being said lil petey is an angel. considering when petey was his age he was still an angel . i will go more into lp later

petey is sorta in denial about falling at first bc hes scared but eventually he just leans into the demon thing bc he feels helpless (parallel to canon petey) and just causes a shit ton of trouble. his causing trouble is a way of protecting himself Essentially

eventually he causes a little Too much trouble and he gets turned into a powerless imp by the higher up demons . hes doomed to stay in that form unless hes able to corrupt a priest whos been causing a lot of trouble for the demons . Guess who this priest is.

dms accident with knight still happened (probs happened as a result of one of peteys Funny Doings but not as a direct result.) and dm copes with it by seeing it as a holy act of salvation or wahtnot. like he was saved by gods blessing and by knights sacrifice. half of this is bullshit since as i said god is in a hibernation state. so it was really just All knight. but anyways

knight was a priest before this and its the only life that dms ever known so he kinda just continues with it . he is lwk a better priest than knight was (he got a lot of secondhand religious education just from being around knight so much and hes smarter than knight) so the church just lets him take knights place essentially.

dm is just more calm and collected in this au as well . he found out pretty early on that him being too energetic got knight into trouble which made him sad so he learned to control himself a bit . there was also the threat of him being taken away from knight if he acted out too much which was the worst case scenario for him so , yeah another incentive to behave himself .

anwysays a lot of petey and dms interactions initially are pretty lighthearted . book1 and 2 core. its js petey annoying the hell out of him and dm trying to ignore him LMFAOOOOO this is how petey gets the genius idea to try and summon a clone so he can be more effective in bothering dm . this is how lil petey is created LMFAAOAOOOOO

for this au peteys denial about being related to lp in any way shape or form is waaaayyy worse bc he still has a Lot of trauma from when he was in his angelic state . and he doesnt wanna associate with angels or heaven in any capacity . so even looking at lp is hard for him.

peteys still able to go into his full demon state, but only for brief periods of time . its also super physically taxing so he has to be really careful about it or else he could abruptly change back into his imp form when hes in the middle of danger

eventually petey "corrupts" dm as in dm just acts like a Human (this is also a criticism on the inhumane standards placed on people and how oftentimes humans are shamed for acting like Humans because theyre being held to some holy standard for the promise of a perfect afterlife . using christianity as a proxy for this since christianity is the shining example of doing this a lot) . im thinking its him going against an angel or holy figure to protect petey and/or lil petey

im thinking the overarching plot of this story is intimately tied to lil petey. the plot starts off with petey trying to corrupt lil petey and turn him into a demon so that he can have a little minion .

this attempt to corrupt lp continues even after petey starts to see him more as his son because then hes like well if im a demon then my son should also be a demon . hes also starting to get scsred of what heaven might do if they find out about him . bc as far as peteys aware once heaven gets wind of lil peteys existence theyd either execute him for being an anomoly or just take him away to raise him in heaven since hes an angel. both scenarios are likely (knowing heaven) and its also literlaly the worst thing that could possibly happen. so he slike okay if i just turn lp into a demon then theres no reason for heaven to take him away .

((semi unrelated but this is a parallel to canon to me. this is js my personal headcanon but i think peteys so obsessed eith having lil petey turn out evil in the earlier parts of the series because for him acting evil was a self defense tactic. its a way to protect himself. so by having lil petey act evil hes essentially teaching him how to protect himself in the only way he knows how . when he was rejected by the world and left all alone he was able to stay alive by being a criminal. and past the nonchalant "u have to be evil just because" facade i truly do think it was . again petey subconsciously teaching lp to protect himself in the way that protected HIM from the world. so yeah ))

i think petey probs doesnt tell dm about any of this because dm is a priest . petey fully believes that if dm finds out about lil petey being his son and thus being technically disconnected from the heaven system he would try to alert heaven about it through some mortal means . so for a lot of the earlier parts of the plot dm thinks that lp is a little angel who just kinda comes down to earth from time to time . hes totally unaware that he and petey are related . yes they look almost the same but an angel and a demon being related is totally unprecedented . so he doesnt even consider it

petey also makes sure that lil petey keeps his mouth shut about them being related by telling him that if dm ever finds out that hes his dad then he might never see him again .

but what petey fails to realize is that dms loyalty doesnt lie with the church . it lies with knight . his loyalty is far removed from any kind of institution . so when he evtnually does find out (i reckon through some way out of peteys control) and petey basicaly begs him not to tell heaven because of systematic issues and the possibility of lp getting executed dm immediately agrees. at this point hes close enough to lp and petey by extension that hes willing to forgo his loyalty to the church which only really existed because of knight in the first place . everything he had done religion wise up until this point was bc of knight . so if hes asked to choose between what knight might have wanted vs the real tangible being that is begging him not to tell heaven then he is going to choose the real tangible being . thats his family dawg.

essentially for dm the real living thing happenign in his world is infinitely more important than the moral system that hes been taught .

plot basically then goes to heaven finding out and sending angels to try and find lp as petey and dm get up to shenanigans to hide him . i reckon hell also gets involved in it . heaven and hell are "opposites" but theyre hand in hand when it comes to their shit polarized system . and lil petey as an angel being petey the demons son goes against this system and undermines their power . so both heaven and hell arent all too happy about it .

the climax is the event where dm is "corrupted" like i mentioned above . i reckon this is the event that brings god out of hibernation . smth smth free will smth smth complete and total rejection of heaven by one of its servants for a holy purpose smth smth . you feel me ? and i reckon the angels are abt to finish them off or smth and god is like HEY. STOP THAT. 👎👎👎👎

petey does not become an angel again at the end of the plot. dm does not become an angel or a demon or anything like that . he just stays a mortal being. and he still stays loyal to religion in knights memory despite being friendly with a demon, despite defying the church for said demon. the whole point is that this polarization of identity bullshit is stupid when humanity is so diverse . theres nuance snd complexity and its literlaly impossible to categorize people into discrete identities. thats not how it works

i reckon dm doesnt stay a priest just because that would require adhering to their standards which dm does not fuck with . so he probs just goes and finds some other job while staying religious. smth smth religion is not inherently evil its only the way that its used by hateful people

holy fuck this might be one of the longest lore dumps ive ever done about an au. god bles. LMFAOOOOOOOOO

[aangelinakii]

HALKIDIKI HOLIDAY.

— define "like."

summary : after going with damian and his family on holiday, pretending to be his girlfrienf no less, you realise pretty quickly that neither of you are pretending anymore. you've been simply friends for so long that it's difficult to cope with. it wouldn't make a difference if you just went back home, would it?

note : female reader !! apologies,, this was a request and they askef for a fem reader, but i have tons of other works with gender neutral readers :)

note 2 : i also hope it's okay that i changed some of the stuff because i decided to only write a certain chunk of the story, and i made it so they were friends before everything, so they aren't enemiez like you asked,, so sorry but i hope this is still okay !!

when your lifelong friend had offered you to go away with him and his family on a holiday to greece, you hadn't expected to be laying in your bed, staring out the window at the waves swishing in the darkness; what's more, you hadn't expected to have to pretend to date him.

you're not sure what the reason was, really.

maybe it was that damian felt out of place when dick asked bruce if he could bring along kory, his girlfriend, or when tim asked if bernard could come; this still left jason, duke, cassandra and steph without anybody. and it wasn't like bruce was bringing any love interests, either.

it was during lunch one day that damian sprung the question on you — "will you go to greece with me?"

it seemed quite forward at the time, but then after you asked your parents and whatnot, and came back to him the next day to say you could and that you were really excited, and to send you the details, you came to see really just how forward damian wayne could be.

his browny-green eyes stayed staring at his alfred-made sandwich as he unwrapped the cling-film, like he couldn't bear to meet your eyes as he said it. "and do you think you could pretend to be my girlfriend, too?"

at this point, your miso soup almost shot out your nose.

it had started off all fine, smiling and holding hands, but dropping them as soon as all eyes were off.

but after a week, sinking into him became all too easy; sitting on a terrace restaurant as the sun sank below the sea, and all you could look at was the way the oranges and pinks danced along his face. perhaps you should've looked at the sun.

each night you went back to your shared room, although bruce had forbade you from sharing a bed — much to both your relief — and talked long and deep into the night until one of you stopped responding, and only soft breathing followed, meaning it was time for the other to sleep.

before this trip, you'd been friends and that was that.

when he enrolled into gotham academy, you'd been eager to make a new friend, especially since he was such a loner at that time; strictly speaking, he still is quite, but you've forced him to open up his shell.

thinking about it, you didn't like him, of course you couldn't. you were friends and that's where the line ended.

eyes were supposed to wander when you splashed in the crystal greek waters with a cute guy your age, even more so when he tussled around with his brothers, muscles rippling with the waves.

it was just hormones, it didn't mean anything.

but now, the most you could see illuminating the world outside was the fragmented reflection of the white moon against the blackened ocean. the sheer curtains were pulled open, and the window had been pushed to, but not a breeze ran through the room.

you're not sure how long has passed since you and damian were talking after getting ready for bed, but one of you stopped speaking, and you were left here to rest, although your day played back in your mind.

that morning, your eyes had blinked open as the sun coming in through the curtains ebbed out of sight, something blocking its shine. standing before your bed — it would've been terrifying had you not been used to this for a week now — was one damian wayne, your boyfriend for this trip. his tan was dark, defining his features, the white t-shirt he wore a stark contrast, but making him look all the better; in one hand he had a ceramic bowl, santorini blue, with a spoon perched inside it.

"eat," he'd said, and you're sure you'd seen his jaw twitch, like he wish he'd been less brash but it was too late to go back.

after seeing dick take back kory a bowl of greek yoghurt, mountain honey and chopped peaches, damian had been doing it, too, though you weren't sure if it was because he wanted to or because he thought he was supposed to.

you weren't complaining anyhow.

biting your cheek to hold down a smile, you pushed yourself up, joints aching and cracking as you did so, and took the bowl from him.

this morning he'd added banana slices along with the usual peaches, but you weren't sure whether to comment on it — maybe he just hadn't been thinking; surely it hadn't been anything to do with wanting to give you a little more flavour and nutrients.

then, after eating, you'd changed into your swim stuff and joined the rest of everybody on the beach; maybe you were seeing things — heat does that to people — but, even in the water, damian seemed to straighten up and get a bit more rough playing around with dick and tim, like he was trying to be stronger than them or something.

it had to have been a mirage, your eyes playing tricks on you.

after dinner — another one of those terrace restaurants with the sunset and you can't even focus on your food — you and damian stood in the mirror, struggling to bite back smiles as you brushed your teeth. although your mouths hung either wide or clenched shut, the crescent of both eyes was impossible to miss, and the gap between your shoulders was practically non-existent.

and then once you'd got into bed, lights off, listening to the rest of the villa get ready to sleep, the two of you talked mindlessly, but you weren't getting any more tired.

recalling it now, it must've been damian who'd stopped talking first, letting your statement on how good your souvlaki had been that you would definitely be dreaming about it later hang loose into the darkness, and you'd stayed staring out the window since.

he had to be asleep by now.

shuffling in bed, you redirected your gaze to the bed at the wall opposite yours, where, although you couldn't see much of him, the outline of damian's shoulders shuddered with sleep.

if he were awake right now, sitting on the floor, leaning back against the bed frame, laughing with you like it didn't matter it was keeping jason and duke up next door, you'd be watching how his cheeks, kissed a rose by the sun during the day, plumped up with his smile.

oh, god...

never in your life had you counted the beauty spots on someone's face, or revelled in the mess of their hair after a shower.

never in your life had you memorised the lines on someone's hand, or laced up someone's shoes when they couldn't do it themselves.

you were just friends, you couldn't... you couldn't be.

suddenly, all the souvlaki you were sure to dream about gurgled in your stomach, and you were quick to sit up so it would all settle back down there. you couldn't have fallen in love so quickly, could you?

and, in the dead of night — the time when all decisions made little sense — there was only one thing left for you to do: leave.

being here for a week already, you knew the town stayed up deep into the night, and you could probably find a taxi to thessaloniki airport with the click of your fingers; the only problem being staying in a house of vigilantes, where any creak of a floorboard was bound to wake the whole villa up.

regardless, you decided you were going to take any chances, and you carefully pulled your feet out of the light covers, a light shiver running up your legs as your toes came into contact with the cold linoleum.

constantly checking over your shoulder to make sure damian was still facing the wall, snoozing away — though he certainly was rather quiet — you quietly approached your suitcase in the corner of the room.

knees clicking as you kneeled down, you, as silently as possible, unzipped it round, leaving it open so you could gather all your things.

"are you looking for something?"

a voice breaking the silence of the night, your body gave an immense jolt, sending a spring through your shoulders, and you spun around to find damian sitting up in his bed, eyes almost seeming to glow with the way the moonlight hit them.

"fuck, damian!" you whispered, heart still thumping like a rabbit's when you pressed a hand to your chest. "you scared the shit out of me."

damian reached over and clicked on the lamp, filling your shared room with an amber light, of which you could audibly hear whirring through its wire.

trying not to change your plan with him staring so intently you could feel holes drilling into the back of your head, you continued rummaging through your bag, stuffing a t-shirt you weren't even sure was yours in there.

"what are you doing?" damian's voice asked, soft but confused that it was evidently difficult to not be a little forward.

after a few breaths in and out, you turned around, rising fully to your feet, as self-conscious as it made you feel. "i can't stay here anymore, damian, i'm sorry."

in the dim light, you mistook a flash in his features; a furrow in his brow causing a crease in his forehead, the corner of his lip twitching.

"why not?" he asked first, then, after a few silent beats. "have i done something?"

your head began to move before your mouth did. "no, not at all, it's not that... i can't say."

now you really saw it — it wasn't just a trick of the dark — his mouth was tugging down in the corners, very alike to a frown. "why not?" he asked again. "please tell me. i can fix it."

"you can't, though, that's the thing." and you turned to look out the window, arms coming to fold over your chest. you were so close to the open window that you could hear the water sloshing even from here. "i'm going home."

another gap of silence.

"i think that's a bit dramatic," damian replied, but his voice wasn't harsh. "if anybody has made you feel uncomfortable, i can talk to them. anything you want."

a long breath brushed from your nose, and you began to step back to your bed. when you crawled back on top of the messed covers, you sat your back against the cool wall and drew your knees to your chest, hugging them close like it would save your from this illness they called love.

"i just don't fit in with your family here," you shrugged. it was easy to lie, but, with damian, difficult to make it believable.

"that's not true," he shot back without a beat. "bernard is having fun, tim told me. and kory is from an entirely different planet; their beaches probably rival our earth's, and i can tell she likes it here. we embrace both of them, so i know my family embraces you."

shaking your head uncertainly, you let out a shaky sigh. "what's there to embrace? we're lying to them, we're not actually dating."

with a quick glance his way, you saw the crease in damian's brow soften. no way he'd forgotten you weren't actually dating. surely not.

"you're right, we're not," was all he returned with. his hands had began to fidget with the linen bed sheet.

yet another empty song filled the room, a fluttering of eyelashes but gazes never meeting.

"can you turn the light off?" were the words you spoke when you finally broke the absence of sound. damian wasn't one to ignore your wishes.

once the room was bathed in black once again, you felt less vulnerable, less seen. damian couldn't see you — he knew you were there, but he couldn't see you. if he wanted to, he could reach out, get up from his bed and step over to find you, but even then he'd just be groping around in the darkness for a warm body that he'd never find.

with one deep breath, you spoke again.

"i'm not your girlfriend, but it's feeling too real. i think that's why i want to go home; because i hate the thought of lying to you or your family anymore."

"i know we're lying to my family, but how are you lying to me? we're just pretending." he didn't sound accusatory, just confused.

lips trembled, tremoring to stay together, aching to come apart and spill it all. when a big beast is fighting against you, it's difficult to hold it back.

"i'm beginning to think i'm seeing you in the way a real girlfriend would see her boyfriend. and i can't do it, i can't let that happen. it would ruin our friendship, ruin everything we spent years building. it would be easier for me to go back home and pretend like none of this ever happened."

with a blink, you turned back to damian's side of the room, only for the view to be obscured.

you craned your neck up, and, instead of perched in his bed still, damian wayne stood by your bedside, fingers still fidgeting, but now with the light linen trousers he'd bought from the merchant in town.

for a moment your heart stopped — would he slap you for being so stupid? shout at you? shove you? eat you? god, you hope not, that would be going a bit far.

when his arm flinched by his side, moving an inch, your body stilled, but it took a lot to not outwardly start.

carefully, slowly, he rose his arm, bringing a soft hand to your head.

first it was the tips of his fingers that made contact, like a watt of electricity jolting through your bones, starting at your hair follicles, and they brushed back sweetly along your scalp. once they'd done one full sweep, they pulled back and came back to where they'd started, doing the action again, softer.

"so be my real girlfriend."

not the answer you were expecting to that.

your forehead tightened as your eyebrows pulled together in a furrow. "what?" you couldn't help but blurt.

damian pulled back, the hand running itself through your hair finding his other hand and cracking the knuckles cathartically. "no more pretending. for either of us."

despite his words, you could practically feel the nerves radiating off him, a warmth that seemed to be embarrassed to be so warm. an uncertain kindness.

"you... what?" you stammered again, that ill feeling in your stomach beginning to subside finally.

and then he had the audacity to laugh — well, more of a chuckle, damian wasn't much of a laugher. but he turned on his heel and began to step towards the gap in the curtains. "i think you're amazing; i think you're intelligent, but really? i'm surprised you hadn't figured it out."

"figured what out?"

"what guy asks a girl to pretend to be his girlfriend on a vacation with his family? no sane guy, that's for sure." he gave a scoff directed at himself, and you could see a moonlit silhouette shake its head in self-deprication. "i don't know why i did it. i sort of regretted saying it when i did—"

then he quickly spun around. you couldn't see his expression, but you could guess alarm. "that's not me saying i regretted bringing you— i suppose i just realised afterwards that it was quite forward. i would have said no if i were you, but..."

"but here we are," you breathed, finishing the sentence for him.

"yeah..."

a new heavy cloud hung low, like a fog of confusion.

"so, you like me?" you finally asked, watching him in faint curiosity.

"i'm not sure 'like' is a strong enough word," damian replied with a chuckle, which ended in a gulp. he brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his head awkwardly. had he already ruined this? "are you still leaving?"

this was what he was most worried about.

but your lips only curled up.

"hell no."

[tachvintlogic]

This fucking thing has been sitting in my wips at one and a half chapters for nearly a YEAR. Maybe sharing my plans would help jostle that writer's block, or at least get some ideas flowin'.

So here's the summary of what I got:

Astronaut Danny Fenton went missing a few days ago, just before the Artemis III launch, and NASA has delayed it in hopes the missing crewmember is found. John Constantine is in a hotel room in Houston, wondering why NASA hired him of all people to help look. He figures he'll find out tomorrow when he talks to the Chief of the Astronaut Office (who is Danny's boss).

Then Danny appears in the hotel room in ghost form. Three things are quickly established:

Danny can't get more than 10 meters away from Constantine without feeling like he's being electrocuted by a hole in reality.

Danny doesn't remember anything that happened while he was missing. The last he remembers is flying home after work.

Danny is a half-ghost, which explains why NASA hired Constantine, an occult detective.

They go to Danny's house and Constantine sleeps the rest of the night. When he wakes, Danny has built what is essentially a 2-way leash so that they don't accidentally get too far away from each other. It's composed of 2 bracelets connected by a string, and there's a winding mechanism on both bracelets to keep the string taut.

The bracelets are Fenton-grade meaning they're always tangible to ectoplasm so Danny won't lose his if he turns intangible. The string is invisible and intangible so only people who can see ghosts can see it and it will pass through anything that isn't ectoplasm-based.

They both go to see Danny's boss, who is delighted that Danny is safe and sound, but not happy that he's subject to the magical reverse of a restraining order. They tell them both that Artemis III will be delayed for 2 (or 3, haven't decided) months, but if Constantine can't find who did this and get Danny free, Artemis III will have to launch without him.

--------

And that's it.

This is clearly a mystery plot. Mystery stories work best when you have a solution and can work backwards to clues and red herrings. Problem is, I have no idea what the solution is.

Who kidnapped Danny? I know as much as you do.

There are possible motives. It could be someone who has it out for Danny and doesn't want him on the Artemis III launch. It could be someone who has it out for Constantine and wants him to be "haunted for the rest of his days" and Danny is just the means to do that. Unfortunately, I'm not familiar enough with Constantine's villains to get a list of suspects.

(or maybe the culprit is big mad that the Ghost King is a bear and blames Danny)

There's probably a clue in the mechanisms behind Danny's curse, but I don't know enough about how magic works in DC to determine what information Constantine could gleam from it.

There are so many questions. Who kidnapped Danny? Why? How? Did they want Danny, a half-ghost, or just any ghost? Which of our protagonists was the target of the kidnapper's schemes? Was Danny's curse latching onto Constantine a coincidence, a mistake, or intentional? Is the timing of the kidnapping being so close to the Artemis III launch relevant? Who are the suspects?

So here you go. do whatever you want with this

Short DPXDC Prompts #207

Danny gets cursed to Haunt a DC character. He can’t be more than 30ft away from them without being in extreme agony.

[kamisamabest]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

also known as "a collective name for 'abusive piece of shit asshole stupid toxic fuckers'"

smh

Common misconceptions about NPD :

"Narcissists don't have hearts! They only love themselves!"

Wrong. Shocking but pwNPD are still capable of having a heart and loving someone. I know countless pwNPD in healthy relationships with their partners. pwNPD might show love in other ways,as we are disordered people whose perception of multiple things are way different than an egotypical's.

"NPD isn't real! Narcissism is just excessive self love!"

Wrong. NPD is a very much real thing that comes from childhood abuse and neglect. It is a disorder for a reason,and we are traumatized. (of course it can be genetic but i won't be talking about that)

Narcissism isn't the "i love myself so much i always kiss myself on the mirror i have portraits of myself on the walls" thing. Narcissism NPD is basically someone masking as having a huge ego and thinking of themselves as superior to everything and anything because they have a low self-esteem that ruins their life. In fact,even the slightest mistake makes me and other narcissists crash out hard.

"All narcissists are evil! They don't care about anyone!"

Faulty. We are actually very capable of caring about people,we simply keep it for people we deem worthy of it. pwNPD can be very nice and kind, especially covert type narcissists. I myself have helped countless people.

As for the "People we deem worthy" part, pwNPD have"inner hierarchies". We may not care about a stranger on the street. But we care about people we deem equal/chosen/close to us. Some pwNPD including me think about their chosen/equal people as an extension of themselves and accept them as worthy as we are.

While pwNPD might be bad people,not every single one of them are. There are,like,thousands of people that have this disorder and not all of us are the same.

"Narcissistic abuse is real! Narcissists are evil and abusive!"

Oho ho,not only wrong but ableist! Narcissistic abuse isn't a real thing. If it is,then ptsd abuse/depression abuse/autistic abuse/neurotypical abuse and all other [disorder] abuse is also real, which they aren't because a disorder cannot abuse you and every single person with a disorder aren't the same.

People think that saying narcissistic abuse isn't real is invalidating their trauma but it isn't. If it invalidates someone's trauma, it's actually pwNPD's. If you go to any trustworthy site and look up types of abuse, narcissistic abuse won't be there,because it isn't real. Call it what it is: emotional abuse,or whatever abuse you went through,because narcissistic abuse isn't real.

In fact,people preaching about narcissistic abuse and selling stuff about how to cope with narcissists are the real people invalidating you and your struggles. They benefit off of your trauma and the stuff you went through by invalidating tons of other traumatized people with a disorder they cannot control and manipulate you into thinking it is real.

And here's the thing: a person cannot control their disorders. They cannot control which disorder they form and which they don't. And NPD forms from severe childhood trauma. The traumatized person you're shitting on did not choose to have that disorder,and they didn't sign up for your bullshit about them being evil because they formed a disorder out of their control.

If you are a neurodivergent person/person with a cluster b personality disorder/person with NPD and actively contribute to narcissistic abuse,you are also ableist. You having a disorder doesn't mean you can't be ableist to other disordered people,because you are: simply because they have a disorder. "I have NPD and I use it!" you are contributing to your own and your folk's oppression. This doesn't make you any better.

People with NPD are also traumatized,they do not control what disorder they form and what disorder they don't. Quit being an asshole to people just because they have a disorder and quit demonizing them.

[supremefloof]

some tbhx speculation post ep 10

/throwing stuff at the wall after post ep 10. spoilers obviously. also for ep 11 preview. about Trust and where our heroes get it, villains, X.

point 1:

we have to talk about lucky cyan's trust value. the people on the plane gave her trust to survive/ her luck powers. so the elephant in the room:

CAN DEAD PEOPLE STILL GIVE YOU TRUST?

it's really unclear. the main point in favor of this is that Cyan still has luck at the orphanage, and says her TV has always been high as long as she can remember which wouldn't be possible if trust vanishes when your believers die.

"but Cyan loses all her trust in episode 9!" well. actually it looks like a zero at first glance but it could actually be a really fucked up number nine. when put next to other "zeroes" in the show's sadistic special font it looks notably different. like a Nice's tower floor situation from episode one where that was somehow a 15.

The main thing AGAINST this: there were definitely more than nine people on that plane! maybe Lucky Cyan's trust vanished as the plane crash victims died, but by then they were already on the ground? but that seems jank.

anyways, what I really wanted to say: If dead people's Trust stays after they die, then...

wouldn't the best way to guarantee your power be to gain a ton of trust and then kill all of your followers?

this could be the reason for the plane crash; maybe a hero had a lot of followers on this plane and wanted to keep that trust forever.

this could be Zero's motivation. this is what I immediately thought of.

what the fuck this could even be X's motivation. idk we don't know anything about him. maybe he killed nice for this idk

point 2:

if Fear has only been discovered in year 36, that means that either the powers of villains like Magic Shadow or whoever the hell rat king is (esoul eps) come from Trust, or have unknown sources of fear that nobody discovered was fear.

The only consistent characteristics we've seen of fear is that it is black and makes you act weird and irrational.

so, L0's old boss: black goop, confirmed fear. the orphanage: zombies, black growths, confirmed fear.

Wreck...black sword slivers/beams? maybe fear? who knows? maybe only fear after he learns about Nice's death. in fact, it could be Lin Ling's fear that triggers it! the power of a nemesis might at least initially be from trust, funnily enough.

a little ghostblade what if - we've heard mentions of the "Aether laboratory" along with the idea of Fear. Ghostblade seems to have been experimented on. What if Ghostblade is an attempt to make a Hero that is immune to Fear?

point 3:

circling back to OG Nice's death: it's becoming apparent a question we need to ask is where does trust go after death and what happens to it?

Lin Ling "inherited" trust value from Nice. two ways I think of it: 1. scooped Nice's trust off his corpse, like e-soul. how does that work. 2. redirected all of nice's fans at himself, quickly replacing Nice.

E-soul's Trust merged due to there being two e-souls and one died. please note that this merge happened naturally without the consent of fans.

so where does lucky cyan's trust come from, again.

maybe the series will explore different ways of gaining trust for each hero? a bit crack but maybe even in layers of absurdity. like X is the most jank way so he's the finale (btw thank you @elowhinn for pointing out he keeps the tie clip. maybe he just hacked being X by cosplaying as X and having no name lmao), Ahu being the next jankiest way since he's a dog so he gets the second to last ep...

IF nice is alive somehow...what's up with his trust value now? it's not like people stopped believing Nice had powers. there are still Nice fans. they're just also lin ling fans now. bringing up this due to the theory that the hand in kontinuum is nice's hand. and cope.

[wolfwarrior142]

As someone who relates to Rayla on a ton of personal/internal stuff and has actually seen some improvement in my own massive self confidence issues as a result of seeing her try to work through hers (both in this season and previously) and work on trusting people better, I hate that people are saying that bullshit. Oh no, characters who appear strong because of unhealthy coping mechanisms they've learned now learning how to develop more healthy ones. While also becoming close with those around them as a result. Oh no. The humanity. It's so awful to see. Especially in a show that's technically a kids show. And can maybe help kids. The humanity.

I'm glad I haven't actually seen anyone say that personally, cuz thats a very toxic mindset for people to have and I'd get so...annoyed with it. I'd block em immediately for sure cuz no one needs that bullshit.

people watching rayla learning how to trust / let other people help her, which a lack of was her entire fucking problem in arc 1: is this a bad character arc

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

Poppy Worldwide/Save Everyone AU masterpost

Hi, this is the second masterpost I make for the AU. You can find the first one here, which does not include the characters introduced for Chapter 4 of the game. This masterpost is for the "updated" version of the au, which includes everyone up to chapter 4.

The AU's premise: A rewrite of the canon game, but with a twist: Instead of being responsible for the toy's deaths, the Angel/the Player rescues every single one of them instead, with no exceptions. This includes characters like Mommy Long Legs, Catnap and Doey. After confronting the Prototype and sparing his life, Angel leaves the factory with everyone, calls the authorities, and now the toys must adapt to the strange world outside the factory while healing from their traumas.

For more info on the AU, including trigger and content warnings, please see the read more!

----------------

REFERENCES:

Original Masterpost

Angel reference sheet (TO BE REDONE)

Main Toys reference sheet (COMING SOON)

Smiling Critters reference sheet, part 1

Smiling Critters reference sheet, part 2

Nightmare Critters reference sheet (COMING SOON)

The Prototype / Experiment 1006 reference sheet (TO BE REDONE)

AU WRITING:

Game Arc:

Poppy Worldwide: TRUE SALVATION ROUTE (coming soon) - the updated fanfic, with the events of Chapter 4 added alongside some corrections and minor alterations in the previous chapters. Consider this the up

dated (and maybe better?) version of the AU!

Poppy Worldwide: SALVATION ROUTE! - the first fanfic of the AU where my madness started, written before Chapter 4 came out. Does not feature Doey, Safe Haven, or Sawyer. Will be completed soon.

Post-Game Arc:

Doey NOT coping with his trauma (Tumblr Post)

AU ART:

Silly Angel x Prototype sketches

HEADCANONS & SCENARIOS:

About Thomas Clarke;

Small stuff about their prosthetics;

How the Smiling Critters were assumed to be dead/why aren't they on Safe Haven during the game events;

Favorite music genres

Scenarios:

Valentine's Day

----------------

THIS AU WAS MADE AND WRITTEN BY ME, AKA GARÇA VISCONDE MIRIGIS, AKA A (white) BRAZILIAN QUEER INDIVIDUAL WITH AUDHD, AND I DO NOT LIKE TONING DOWN DISABILITIES OR MENTAL HEALTH TOPICS. If you don't like the way I'm handling certain disabilities or topics and you believe you know more, please consider sending an ask or message explaining your POV so I may improve the AU.

Trigger and Content Warnings (TW and CW):

Canon-typical violence, which yes, does include gore, blood, guts, and tons of medical inadequacies;

Child physical, emotional and mental abuse (thanks, PlayCo.);

Mentions of starvation (both in the factory and with Angel);

Overall discussions of mental health, including conditions such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and multiple personalities. If you think people with these conditions are somehow """scary""", or think narcissism is an insult, please get away from my blog;

Suicide, suicidal thoughts and discussions of previous suicide attempts;

Overall discussions of medical trauma;

Overall discussions of grief and death;

Ableism;

LGBTQIA+phobia (not a focus, but Angel is an intersex nonbinary individual who moves to the USA in the 80s and this did give them trauma)

Angel also suffered xenophobia and racism thanks to being a white latine in 80s USA. This is mentioned a few times, but is not a focus.

Some important info: This AU has a heavy emphasis on trauma recovery, mental health, and the relationships between Angel and the toys and the toys with each other. Please check the TW and CW for more info.

The Smiling and Nightmare Critters are all alive as well. Safe Heaven's toys are also all alive. Neither the Prototype nor Harley Sawyer die by the end of the game's events, but the doctor is paying for his crimes while the Prototype is helping Angel as much as he can.

I tried my best to follow as much canon as possible, but I opted to alter some tidbits about the timeline in order for things to not be as confusing, and added a LOT more to the characters we know of. Since the game doesn't give us much personality to them, I decided to use my own interpretation of them. Everything I altered was in an attempt to better fit the themes of both the AU and the canon game.

The Prototype in this AU is not an one-dimensional villain; he is a deeply traumatized individual who did LOTS of bad stuff pre and post-Hour of Joy in an attempt to protect all the toys. He failed being a good guardian and parent to the toys and he is paying the consequences of allowing Catnap to make a cult, isolating Poppy, and having the brilliant (sarcasm) idea of making the Hour of Joy.

Canon Ships for the AU include:

Everyone x Therapy;

Mommy Long Legs x Miss Delight;

Catnap x Dogday;

Hoppy Hopscotch x Bobby Bearhug;

KickinChicken x Bubba Bubbaphant;

Picky Piggy x Maggie Mako;

Leith Pierre x Harley Sawyer (pre-HoJ);

The Angel x The Prototype (QPR).

[sassysnowperson]

The world is exploding and you want me to take care of myself?

I live in the U.S.A. As you might have heard, things are PRETTY BAD right now. It's been bad before, sure. I mostly coped with 2016-2020 by ignoring the news and writing a TON of fanfiction.

But between then and now I went and got a job as a therapist, and it turns out I can't just stick my head when my whole job is to help other people with the stuff that's stressing THEM out. So I've had to find a better way to deal with it. I thought some of y'all might appreciate a distillation of the conversations I've been having, with myself, and with the people I'm working with, as we try to figure this out together.

Yeah, It's Bad.

So yeah, we know that depression and anxiety are lying liars that lie. But. Your anxiety or depression isn't lying to you about this one. Things are bad. That said, maybe it's helpful to check if they are lying to you about your ability to survive this, to handle this, to find spaces where you can act. We are not doomed to paralysis and misery.

The Paralysis is the Point.

The current administration is using a playbook that involves trying to make their opponents feel overwhelmed, helpless, miserable. Any action we take against that is action against tyranny.

Action is the Antidote.

We live in an age where we can take in endless misery, about things that are either so big or so distant or so both that we are not able, by ourselves, to fix them. And that sucks. We need to find a way to turn that fear energy into action.

More Things are Action than You Think.

Self-care is an act of resistance. Authoritarianism does not do well with a hopeful, resilient, connected populace. Taking care of yourself is action, taking care of those you love is action, building hope and resilience is action. Talking to your neighbors, taking care of them, paying attention to their needs and seeking local solutions to address them - all actions. Any step you take towards building resilience in yourself and your community fights the crap you see on the news.

Speaking of the News.

Lets talk about digital self-care. This is not an all-or-nothing situation. If you need to detach completely, go ahead. But your options are not only ignore or open yourself up to an endless stream of misery. This is going to look different for different people, but we have got to refine our information boundaries. That might be blocking or unfollowing people (even people we agree with, who are saying things in a way that triggers our own despair). It might be losing certain platforms, it might be seeking out news from specific trusted journalists or a weekly roundup. Pay attention to how you feel during and after your news and social media use. Is it helping you live the life you want to live? Is it meeting a need? Is there a better way to get that need met?

Some Things are Still Good.

Let's make a Still Good list. All the crap in the world, but you know what, my cats purr is still good. The smell of vanilla and old books is still good, the look of a new-green shoot sticking out of the dirt is still good. No, we're not doing this to ignore the bad and pretend life is wonderful. But our brains are designed to prioritize threats, and with so many threats, it will wear itself out trying to protect you. Find the things that are still good, focus on them. Let yourself rest in the good, at least for awhile.

You are not alone.

It's so easy to feel alone. Feel like we misjudged the world, what was important to people. How can people think so differently than ourselves? The world is so big, things are so bad, and it feels like we're fighting by ourselves, so why not give up?

You are not alone. There are people that believe in the same things you do. You are not the only one fighting. Anything that you find full of despair and hopelessness, I promise, there are smart people with good ideas working on it. Take comfort from their presence. If you have space to do more, try to find them for the thing that's close to your heart.

I want better for us. And I know I am not alone. Neither are you. I promise. Neither are you.

[deezneezz]

Leona & ADD

I got a few ppl (on twitter) wanting me to elaborate on Leona and ADD, so I figured I will share my thoughts here as well, please be nice it's just a personal hc. You don't have to agree at all!! Since it contains some personal experiences I ask of people to please be kind about it!

Anyway, Leona and ADD.

I think a lot of people usually agree on Floyd and Kalim having ADHD, but Leona actually shows a lot of lesser talked about traits of ADHD. Namely Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), sensitivity to clothing/textures (he doesn't like restrictive clothes).

He also has the more commonly talked about traits of course, executive dysfunction being a big one. And his depression definitely exacerbates these traits, when i was undiagnosed and depressed i used to sleep my entire days away. I wasn't getting anything done anyway.

Not to mention not sleeping properly, so I was desperate to find moments to sleep during the day. I've slept on floors, on toilets, in an abandoned corner in uni instead of going to class. I was just *so* tired all the time I didn't want to sit in class, I wanted to sleep.

I was lucky I passed classes without studying, cause i would've never gotten through uni otherwise. I still took longer than necessary. The moment my support system (Ruggie, anyone?) graduated and left I had no one taking care of my basic needs, and I certainly didn't.

I had a dorm mate who cooked for me, made sure I had even an ounce of self-care, and also looked at my room and said "hmm, Deniz, maybe it's time to clean up a little" and then I very reluctantly admitted that it may have gotten a little out of hand.

She would just sit in my room sometimes chilling around while I cleaned cuz that was one of the few ways I cleaned at all (this is a real thing for ADHD, called body doubling. It works). Ruggie arriving at NRC and Leona suddenly performing tons better in school is no coincidence.

Coming back to RSD.. I mean I don't really have to explain it do I.. book 2, Lilia's scathing remarks, the shame of disappointing his dorm, etc. I know a lot of ppl call book 2 an 'overreaction' but like, this is genuinely what it feels like internally when RSD triggers

book 6 too, Jamil's over-protectiveness is clearly (to the audience) smth that's mostly Jamil's own habits and trauma doing. But to Leona it's a rejection/insult to his ability to take care of himself, his skill, etc. This was genuinely smth that set me off too.

"How dare you try to explain to me smth I already know, do you think I'm stupid?" "You're not like me." The unwillingness to admit that someone may be relatable in any way because making any comparison to yourself makes you vulnerable to what you haven't achieved for yourself.

"I would ace these classes too if I wasted my time and life studying as much as they did, but I actually love myself." <- guy who was jealous and did not know he was coping and didn't study cause of executive dysfunction and concentration issues.

Leona clearly knows a lot about the things he genuinely cares about, Ancient spell language, chess, magishift, so its kind of funny to see him so low effort in classes. Though honestly i know the game also says that "Leona already knows all this stuff" so.. who knows really...

Now I'm more chill but I used to legitimately go off the handle a little cuz RSD doesn't really care about whether the shit u feel is proportional to the offence it physically hurts in your chest and you just wanna burn down the world at that exact time and... IS THAT NOT LEONA...

TLDR: give Leona therapy and meds, lol.

[jeffthekillerzblog]

a major plot point or like the entire thing about my au is just the creeps moving on and having their own character arcs throughout the years and finally heal from their past trauma

(rest is me rambling about my au...u don't have to read if u don't wanna its pretty long)

Jeff's arc is big on him finding his brother and coming to terms with what really happened. jeff is so incredibly stubborn and a big (very) egotistical. he finds it hard to open up and after what happened he feels that there's no point opening up anyway bc he's literally a famous asshole serial killer who's messed up SO many people's lives. another big thing about his arc is just owning up to his actions and apologizing to the people he's hurt. for example, nina. he led her on, treated her terribly for no reason, and was overall just an asshole. after they get into an argument he'll eventually apologize bc like he didn't HATE nina, he's was and prob still is in a terrible mindset and copes in such unhealthy ways. IDK OK I'm rambling but my point is he does eventually apologize to nina not because he needs her or like wants to use her again. he apologizes because he genuinely misses her and BOOM they become besties again after jeff properly apologizes and ya. BUT basically jeff's arc is him finally finding liu after all these years and yeah he apologizes to all the people he hurt (or the IMPORTANT ones) like nina, liu, and EVENTUALLY... jane. but that's WAY into the future (besides nina) he's way too full of himself to apologize now.

Nina's arc is her getting over JEFF. her love for Jeff began when she met him. she already admired him, but he turned into a full on crush. he did lead her on, and it hurt her a lot. shed spent tons of nights alone when jeff was supposed to be sleeping next to her, and she just felt so lonely, especially since jeff was so neglectful. She talks to clockwork about it and they help her realize her self worth and comforts her (she's terrible at it). Nina starts hanging out with Nat and toby more often, and it makes her feel SO much better about herself. Eventually she does get fed up of jeffs bs and they get into an argument and nina decides to leave. she kicks him out of her apartment and she doesn't let him come back. (she does....when he apologizes.....) She eventually learns to love herself and realize she doesn't need a stinky man's validation. Theres also a bit of her coming to terms with her own trauma, but I haven't fully fleshed that part out yet.

BEN's arc is probably my favorite. he's lost all his memories of his past life, and now after he accidentally found out he's NOT just a computer AI program, he decides to take it on himself to find out who his family was, how his life was, and how he died. I wont say as much bc I want to keep it a surprise, but in summary it fucks him up LMAO

ok that's it. OBVIOUSLY the rest of the creeps are healing as well BUT I have not fleshed out their stories yet...oops. so its just three for now. Except MUCH more stuff about the trio bc I love them with my all.. if u have any questions feel free to ask :3

[scribbled-entity]

Alright that's it, you know what? I'll just shove a crap ton of my related headcanons of the object shows I like, into one silly continuity, which in itself, may have AUs based on whatever I crossed over with it (may or may not be hinting on something in the works hah)

I'm calling it Restirred AU for now, because I can't think of anything else. I'll probably retag some older posts too for convenience

With that out of the way, here's the official 'first' post for Restirred AU.

The Questionable Influence Duo, Nickel and Taco

I like to think they ended up becoming friends in a way. Frenemies? It's complicated.

What do you do when you meet someone like you but you don't really like yourself all that much? But at the same time is trying to learn to be kinder to not just everyone, but also yourself?

You hate them mainly because you hate yourself, and because you know they can do better and should do better, just like how you know you could too. Yet you're all too familiar with how difficult it actually is.

Anyway, more rambling under the cut.

(Some of these are copy pasted from the stuff I typed out in Bluesky but I added a bit more.)

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, or if I'm even articulating all this right, but wjdjfjrdjdr object show hyperfixation go brrrrrrrrr

Obviously these are just my personal headcanons, you're free to think differently.

I like to think they don't always hang out, but when they do and have the same goal, they make for an annoying force to be reckoned with. Otherwise they're competitive and often insult each other.

It certainly took a while to actually warm up to each other. But once the two did, they ended up getting along well enough, even if it doesn't seem like it. Their ability to shrug off each other's scathing insults and blatant aggressive honesty is something the two value from each other.

Though they definitely also can feed on each other's worst flaws in bad ways. Luckily, Both have other support systems to turn to and keep the two from essentially spiralling into an echo chamber of mutual spite of things they both hate. (Like I think if they were each other's only friends instead? I imagine there would've been a chance where they only strengthen each other's problematic views, both forcing themselves to only ever have each other, and only worsen their bad behavior. Being too alike that they only sink each other down sort of thing.)

They're both objects who did horrible things to others with genuine malicious intent and selfishness. Both have an innate distrust of others, critical and pessimistic opinions of everything.

Who are both trying to be better, because and with the help of those they grew to care about.

I personally think they'll make for a fun friendship dynamic. They both keep each other in check in a way, They both can feel somewhat comfortable knowing they've both struggled with similar problems and behaviors and acknowledge the issues with that and work on controlling it and coping healthier.

There's nothing quite like having someone who has gone through the same thing and thought the same thoughts to turn to. Sometimes it's not necessarily the comfort or sympathy that you need, but instead someone who understands what it's like and to process it with.

[camilasstories]

❝feeling unreciprocated❞ chapter 1 | jungkook x reader (edited version 2025)

summary: Heartbreak was never a plan, but now it's the essence of her existence. Sleeping with one guy seemed like a way to escape the hurt—but sleeping with another, then another, only made things worse. Especially with her handsome crush right behind the wall, watching her spiral and just as confused as she is about her messy ways of coping with a broken heart. As she struggles to move on, the deeper she digs, the clearer it becomes: the only person who truly understands her may be the one she’s been avoiding all along.

🩷 SERIES MASTERLIST

you've read a prologue / you're reading chapter 1 / you probably want to read chapter 2

The moment the sun bathed the room in its morning light, I slammed my hand on the switch with more force than necessary. "Could you please turn off the lights?" I was beyond frustrated now. "It’s a day, Hana. A sunny one!”

My gaze drifted over to my half-naked roommate, who kept parading around our shared dormitory, clad only in a small towel wrapped around her body and a turban haphazardly placed on her head.

As she leaned down to grab some balsam from her overstuffed toiletry bag, her towel slipped off slightly and her hair got caught, sending her into mini tantrum. But this didn’t stop her from continuing her bizarre beauty routine, of course.

Despite the near chaos, she was still somehow determined to slather the stuff onto her skin—drowning in expensive creams, perfumes, and mists. The sickly-sweet scent hit my nose almost immediately, making my eyebrows knit together in disgust. If it weren’t for Hana’s overabundance of luxury products, this would have been a lovely smell. But now? The nauseating reek mixed into an overwhelming cloud that could left me with a headache.

"You could at least pay attention to the lights," I muttered under my breath, feeling the aftermath of the party.

I watched her parade around in front of the mirror. I couldn’t fathom why the entire room needed to be lit up when sunlight streamed through the window like a generous gift from the universe. Her usual excuse was beyond ridiculous—"It’s prettier and makes my room look more aesthetic.”

Hana’s extravagant habits were the very definition of excess. While her skin still seemed to be in the same condition, even after placing tons of promising products, yet still flawless, her wallets and my electricity bills didn’t share the same resistance.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm brewing inside of me. The lights, the scents, the lack of consideration—everything was just too much. I couldn't take it anymore.

The sounds of my frustrated footsteps echoed in the dorm as I stormed into her room, making my way to every source of light. One by one, I turned off the LED lights, the fairy lights, the night lamps—anything that was unnecessarily on, until the room finally fell into the soft warmth of the natural sunlight.

Hana huffed from behind me. “Why did you switch them off?” she demanded, clutching her towel to ensure it stayed in place. “This lighting makes my pores more visible, look!”

I shot her a sharp glance over my shoulder, irritation flaring. “And makes my bills twice as high.”

Her face twisted into a grouchy expression, but I couldn’t care less. I was beyond done. "Should I show you an utility bill once again so you can get a better look?"

She threw her arms up, annoyance radiating from her. "Really, (Y/N)? You’re starting this conversation again?” Her eyes were rolling as she checked her face in the mirror.

“If I have to pay for this,” I retorted, waving my hand around her room dramatically, “then yes, I am.”

"We’ve already talked about it,” she snapped, folding her arms across her almost bare chest.“I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I’m the only one using the electricity in this damn cubby.”

"You use it all day long, Hana," I emphasized, voice dripping with exasperation. "I use it at night when it’s actually needed because the sun is—what’s the word?—sleeping.”

Her sarcasm shot back like a dagger. “What do you want me to do, huh? Light a candle?”

Her tone was so smug it made my blood boil. I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off. “You use your damn lamp every night, and I can’t even sleep because I keep hearing you typing on your laptop. How about that?”

I was taken aback, speechless for a second as she breezed past me, nudging me with her shoulder, probably as fed up as I was.

The sheer audacity of her—tuning out your needs while demanding everything her way. My jaw tightened as her words sank in, and my lower lip trembled with irritation.

The moment she left the room, I stood frozen for a few beats, my thoughts spiraling. Hana, the girl who lived in luxury like it was her second skin. The girl who would throw on designer bags for a walk to the corner store but would forget the bills for the apartment. The girl who would pretend to care for others just so she could give away clothes she never wore while secretly making room for new ones.

Hana was definitely living her best life while dragging me all way down, but I couldn't argue with her statement. She wasn't wrong.

Yet, I couldn't afford this place anymore. My wallet was thinner than my patience.

"At least, turn the light off before going out" I walked after her being defeated.

"Mhm, fine" she grunted in response. Then, she paused, eyes narrowing as she looked at you. "Hey, how did you come home last night? The party finished at three in the morning and you weren't here when I came back." the frown deepened. "You look like shit, by the way. Put some make up on or whatever."

I froze in place, the words hanging in the air.

Bright flashing lights. The overwhelming scent of alcohol, the dizzying whirl of my spinning head, the tight knot in my stomach. The puke.

My throat tightened at the thought, the memory rushing back like a wave and it wouldn't stop.

But then—his voice. Calm, almost too calm for the chaos of the night. His face, his eyes, all of it came flooding back in an instant, sharp and vivid. The realization hit me like a slap: he had been there.

Everything came back like the unwanted guest, that had overstayed their welcome. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to erase the memories from last night, but it lingered making me want to start digging my own grave.

His voice, low and steady, echoed in my mind. His lips had moved, but I couldn’t remember the words. It didn’t matter, though. The realization whose shoes I almost devastated still hit, hard.

And then again, the flood of shame, humiliation, and embarrassment surged through me.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no.

"What? You've seen a ghost?" Hana pulled me out of my thoughts as I stormed toward the bathroom. She said something else, but all I could focus on was a burning sensation in my chest, definitely not from the amount of alcohol I stupidly drank last night. It was long gone from my system, the moment I threw up.

The worst thing, it wasn't all that happened.

Around ten minutes passed since Hana walked out from our dormitory, yet I was still sitting on my bathroom floor trying to ease my headache by pressing my forehead onto the cold tiles placed on the wall. I didn't even want to imagine it could have been worse if I hadn't thrown up few hours ago. I think I would've been dead by now.

The instant buzzing of my phone made me helplessly groan. "What is it?" I leaned on the full laundry basket, not quite well.

"Are you really asking this? Seriously?" a mad voice almost screamed into my ear. "What we were talking about coming and leaving together? It's our golden rule, remember? Girl, I thought you were dying somewhere in the bushes!"

"You're not far from the truth. I am dying. On my bathroom floor".

"And were where you? I freaked out and called our rising star, Hana. I think I woke her up, cause she was such a pain in the ass. She told me you were lying on half-dressed on your bed."

I almost howled at her words, my head ripping itself.

"Wow, you really got yourself wasted, I told you not to mix anything."

"Yeah, I know Gia. I gave up changing and just dropped off." "You sound good, though" I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I didn't drink much. One of us had to be reasonable" she panned me, but her toned changed to light and teasing. "I couldn't find you, huh?."

I swallowed hard, my fingers clutching the phone as I tried to find the right words.

"I had an issue." I muttered wincing at the memory. "Oh, god. It was so stupid." I shrank.

"Go on, I'm listening."

"Don't make me even talk about it," I said, my voice low, the embarrassment creeping back in.

“Hey, you owe me for worrying about you, so spill it,” she insisted, her voice firm but caring.

I let out a shaky breath. “It was a disaster.”

“We know this part,” she replied, clearly not buying my attempt to dodge it. "Need details".

I hesitated for a moment, then sighed. “I puked,” I murmured, feeling the shame wash over me again.

"That's it? You just puked" Gia's voice was more amused than anything. "It's not the end of the world, (Y/N). You know how many people throw up after a party?"

"I don't know, you tell me how many" I said quickly, my frustration bubbling up.

"Many."

"No shit, sherlock. I wouldn't throw a pity-party in my bathroom if it was just a puke, Gia." I responded dryly. "I almost puked on fucking Jeon Jungkook."

There was a long silence on the other end, and for a moment, I thought she might have hung up. Then, Gia’s voice came through, slow and stunned. “Oh.”

"That's what I said." I muttered, my face burning with the memory.

“Wait, you said almost,” Gia said, a teasing edge to her voice. “If it’s almost, it didn’t happen. Logic, right?”

"It doesn't change anything, at all".

“Look, I get it,” Gia said quietly. “I know it’s quite-quite shit and all. But listen to me-you’re fine. Everyone gets drunk and makes a fool of themselves. Everyone. I’ve had my share of way worse moments. Trust me, you’re not the first person to almost ruin a night because of too much booze. And you’re certainly not the first person to feel this way about it the next day. It's perfectly normal. You’re just in your head, (Y/N).”

I took in a shaky breath, her words offering a little comfort but not enough to silence the shame creeping up my spine. “I just… I keep replaying it. Like, I can’t get rid of the image of his face when I almost did it. His expression was so calm, like he was just... letting me be? It makes it worse somehow.”

Gia let out a soft sigh on the other end of the phone. “That’s because he didn’t want to make you feel worse. He’s not a jerk, okay? We can say a lot of things about Jungkook based on all the gossips, but- He wasn’t disgusted by you or anything. He probably saw you were having a rough time and just let you handle it. He probably didn’t even think much of it. He’s Jeon Jungkook, for crying out loud. He’s not going to dwell on a little mess. Seriously, you’re giving him way too much power in this situation.”

"Maybe you're right" I sighed.

"We don't know him, (Y/N). You don't know him. You can't just presume things based on your thoughts. Our brain are tricky, so just stop and get some rest."

It's almost the same thing he said that night - it's not a big deal. And I would've lived through it, if-

"Damn.'

I could feel Gia’s silence on the other end of the line, the weight of her anticipation hanging between us. Then, her voice came, sharp with disbelief.

"It's not all, is it?"

I hesitated, staring blankly at the bathroom tile. "I wish it was," I said softly, the words feeling heavier than I expected.

I sighed, my hand falling to my lap, the reality of the situation settling in like a weight on my chest. "I might have agreed to be his roommate."

"What the hell, (Y/N)?!"

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feeling unreciprocated, edited version 2025 - 02.04.2025