#they're the experiences that stuck because of the emotional impacts both had on them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sushisocks · 2 years ago

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Hey there! I believe you said in another post that the final confrontation would be unlikely to happen if lenny and sean were alive, so i'd like to ask if you could expand on that pls(if u havent already and i just didnt see it lol)

Btw on a side note im actually super invested in your sean content😭😭the fandom seems to only talk ab him to label as an idiot, so as a fellow sean lover the way you characterize him has me so in love❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh Anon you are SO LOVELY!!! Thank you not only in giving me the opportunity to rant more about Sean and Lenny (which I am always so willing to do), but also for your super kind words!! Sean is very dear to me, and I'm glad my reading into him as much as I do strikes a chord with other people ;;u;;

The way the general fandom often characterizes him isn't very surprising to me, given his personality & the surface level impressions he gives, but maybe for now I'll save THAT rant for another time, else we stay here forever lmaoo

So, to start answering your question, I believe you're talking about my post from a few months ago, where I talk about how I believe Sean & Lenny would've sided with Arthur & John if they'd lived to see the final confrontation. In it I mention how I find that final confrontation a lot more unlikely were Lenny & Sean to survive that far and stick around for the entire thing.

Now, WHY do I believe this? I touch on it briefly in that original post, but let's really get into it here!!

Okay to start off, there's a LOT of ways I see things going, in regards to Sean and Lenny, were they both to survive, because it adds SO MANY variables, but let's start at the very top.

At a meta level, it is important to recognize that RDR2 is a prequel to RDR1. This meant from the get that RDR2, as it is canonically, was bound to a certain outcome, to set up for RDR1. This ALSO means, that every step from the start of RDR2 was very much there not only to lay the groundwork for the end of RDR2 but also add another emotional layer to RDR1. This is all certainly things we are aware of already, but I think it's important to have that context in mind while we talk about alternative outcomes.

Because, see, Sean and Lenny HAD to die for the outcome in RDR2 to be the one it is. Not only them, but Hosea, Kieran, Molly, and Susan's deaths are ALL integral and important to the story, they ALL make a difference and contribute in pushing the story a certain way, and in reinforcing the steadily increasing hopelessness which infest the gang from Sean's death and out.

So if we're like "what if none of them died?" there are suddenly a LOT of new variables for every mission and every scenario we know from the game, which need to be considered. This is true EVEN if the change in survival count is only reduced to Lenny & Sean.

How different do you not think Shady Belle would have felt, initially, without Sean's death hanging over it? What about the bank job -- would Lenny & Sean end up on the boat to Guarma? What would've happened to them there, then? Would either of them be caught by the Pinkertons instead, with John or in his stead maybe? What other options would there have been, where would they end up at the end of that?

And already here we have to consider how those experiences might've impacted them psychologically, because of who they are.

In the post I mentioned earlier, I talk about how Lenny is new to the gang and probably isn't as stuck in it mentally as Arthur and John, nor do Sean and Lenny have the same emotional attachment/baggage in regards to Dutch. They're loyal of course, because they feel a sense of obligation to the gang, because it provides them with safety, friends, and allies, in an otherwise unkind world.

But what then happens when that changes?

How do you expect Sean and Lenny to respond when the gang starts turning on itself? When Dutch visibly starts losing it? When people start snapping at each other and threatening one another in the middle of camp?

(I have a half-formed thought here about how people would ABSOLUTELY be snapping and talking down to Sean in a way more cruel way towards the end of the game, for trying to keep things light and easy, yknow, fulfilling his role in the gang. I can only imagine what that'd end up doing to him, tbh.)

And, I'll be repeating myself from other posts here, but how do you think Lenny, a young black man painfully aware of the social structure as it exists in America at that point in time, would react to realizing what Dutch's plan with the Wapiti is? Same goes for Sean, who has SEVERAL instances through the game showing him just as politically aware as Lenny - certainly moreso than Arthur.

Would the outcome for the Wapiti tribe be the same, do you think, if Charles had more people than a very sick and tired Arthur to lean on, willing to help? Would Lenny in particular want to stick around to see Dutch attempt to drive the tribe into the ground for his own gain?

Also, I'm sorry but like, Lenny has a camp interaction with Dutch where he disagrees with him (about Miller, Dutch's favorite author) and explains why in a very well-articulated manner. In one instance, Dutch gets straight up offended by it, bcz Lenny can argue very well (and is RIGHT mind you lol).

I do absolutely believe that Lenny would not just sit around quietly in Beaver Hollow. I'd expect him to be among the most vocal in their discontent with the situation, and probably the best at arguing against Dutch.

That is, up until a certain point. Lenny is a young black boy, and Dutch is a white authority figure. Watch Dutch snap and yell at him, like he does John in Ch6 for example, and see how much longer Lenny sticks around fr. The trade is loyalty for safety and the same in kind. Why do you think members start leaving when things start looking their worst? And don't you think Lenny would be among the first to see the writing on the wall?

Though that is hinging on that very specific vibe in Beaver Hollow, where they're all scattered and losing their ties to one another. Add then in Sean, who is VITAL as social glue, and for making conversations easier. If he, and Lenny, and Mary-Beth, Tilly, Arthur, Charles, etc etc, insert your favorites here, managed to retain some of that community feeling, despite it all, then I absolutely see Lenny sticking around for them.

Same goes for Sean, tbh. I can see him leaving earlier, bcz the trade stops being equal and bcz he's not being taken seriously, and I can see him staying, for his friends.

There IS also a version of things where things are similar and I do see Sean siding with Dutch; but that is a very sad and lonely Sean, who is VERY different from where he's at in Clemens Point, and I think that's an unfair perspective to take for him in general.

Okay so, now we're back to that final confrontation, after I said I found it unlikely, why is that? Because, with every question I've posed thus far, about what Lenny & Sean's reactions might've been to canon events after their deaths, I have essentially presented a variable that comes with their survival to those points. Them being there for it, HAS to mean a change, has to mean something different happens, because their deaths are direct contributors to the path we already know the story takes WITHOUT their presences.

Now, what are those differences and changes? I honestly can't answer; something being different earlier or later can butterfly-effect into something completely new or remarkably similar to what we already know. I could sit here all day and wax poetic about all the different options and possibilities for where things could go, were ANY character to survive past their death point, BUT thankfully, that is what fanfiction is for, lol.

I hope this satisfied some of your curiosity, dear anon!! It was a lot of fun for me to write and think about, so thank you very much for asking!!!

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption meta #rdr2 #sean macguire #lenny summers #dutch van der linde #arthur morgan #rdr thoughts #teki talks #long post #im sorry this took me a while to answer i had to sleep and then do my irl things and then Stew on this for a while #i hope this all made sense tbh idk if i lost the plot at some point in there. im SURE there's a tangent or two but yknow #ALSO if youre interested in reading a potential take on how things couldve gone if Sean and Lenny survived to chapter 6 #my fic Attentive Vigor is a soulmate au game rewrite where their survival is VITAL for the ending to be different from what we know #im almost finished with it! 4 chapters left that im really excited to share #if you like macsummers and sean whump it's got a lot of that after you get past the initial chapters lol #had to do a lil plug lol bcz this topic hits v close to home after all #asks #rdr asks #meta asks

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darkforestdreams · 9 months ago

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Movin' On (sorta maybe not really) (Spoilers for The Security Breach Shows!)

Hey guys! I just wanted to let you know that I've decided to take a break from the Security Breach Shows. It's not out of anger about the stories or anything like that. I just... I can't exactly handle all of the emotional weight right now. Both Sun and Lunar are in SO much pain, and all of it is valid.

First Sun believed he killed Nexus, and I don't know if he's learned the truth yet about Ruin's involvement (I haven't been keeping up that well, admittedly). Either way, I believe that Nexus' death was the last nail in the figurative coffin for him. It broke the dam that held ALL of the trauma Sun's been forced to deal with throughout his ENTIRE LIFE. And this isn't Sun being self-pitying; it's a really awful feeling when you believe that your entire life has been miserable. Those thoughts can break you when you're already down. Trust me, I know.

And Lunar! Oh, oh, oh Lunar... I'm so sorry I didn't realize your pain! Poor thing has been stuck with the star powers and the Astrals ever since he returned from death and being forced to take all of that responsibility that landed in his lap, especially at his current mental age (15 years? Maybe?). He must be exhausted from all the training and emotion suppressing. He probably feels trapped, but he can't get away from any of it because it has such a huge impact on his surroundings.

Also, remember when Lunar said that he had more than two personality traits? Lunar kind of becoming a flatter character over the months now makes total sense. The writers knew EXACTLY what they were doing--and kudos to them for that.

And you know how Sun used, and still kind of uses cleaning as a coping mechanism? I think Lunar's obsession with Nutella is the equivalent of that. I'm sorry if I'm killing the joke of it. The way I see it is that his earlier, over-the-top antics over Nutella are funny, like him practically worshipping a crate of the stuff when Sun took him and Dazzle shopping. But what ISN'T funny is that he pretty much has an eating disorder now.

So, yeah, I'm really worried. I'm worried that Moon will get angry at Sun for seemingly not getting past Nexus' death, and I'm worried about the consequences Lunar will face when he uses too much negative star power.

And as a person that has a chronic anxiety disorder, I don't think I can watch the shows for a bit because of all the emotional energy I feel. I need a break.

The ironic thing is that I want to focus on a story idea revolving around a different Sun and Lunar having to face their traumas. XD

This technically happens in the SaMS's world, but it's an entirely different situation and has nothing to do with our Sun and Moon. Their traumas are VERY different; they kind of involve the traumas I faced IRL for the past few years. Channeling my pain into art, yay!

I just want to ask someone if they're okay if I use the same format they do--explaining things in summaries. I just have a bunch of disjointed thoughts about their experiences and maybe I'll write them as stories someday, but right now I just want to share my ideas. ^_^

#fnaf #fnaf sb #sun and moon show #lunar and earth show #sundrop #sun #laes lunar #lunar #sams spoilers #laes spoilers

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chaoticgremlinwholikescheese · 1 year ago

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Today was my first day at the National Military Archives to research my veterans for my book. It was an incredible experience. It was holy, spiritual, I don't know how to explain it. It was just... powerful.

Here are some of the things from today that stuck out to me:

Russel Braga's item list

This stuck out to me because it was so simple. There was no military jargon. It's simply a list of what he had with him when he died. There are two ways of looking at it; in one way, this is almost cruel. He's been relegated to a list. No longer a person, only left over objects.

But to me, it didn't feel like that. Most of what I know about him is army related. This, this gave me an idea of who he was. He smoked a pipe. He wore sunglasses. He wore a watch. He had a religious medallion. Letters from family and friends.

When I read this, I started to cry. It was both out of joy, joy that I'd found information about him. But also grief. Grief for a man I'd never met, who died long before I was born. But now, I can keep him alive in some way.

This is why I do this research. Not for the military aspect; in fact, I have a deep hatred for the military industrial complex. It's for the stories. For the memories. For the people I have gotten to know.

2. Phillip Doty's death form

All the death certificates were impactful. Phillip Doty's hit even more than the others. I knew he died in a plane crash. I didn't know the exact details of his death. Reading about the burns, the way he suffered, and eventually died, struck me in the gut.

I asked my dad about the medical stuff, and the clarification helped me to understand what he went through. He suffered. I had to take a moment to process what I was reading before I could move on. These people have come to mean a lot to me. They're more than just names on paper.

3. Letters from Wagner's mother

The letters from family members asking for information about their kids were powerful. You could feel the pain, the fear, in their words. They still held out hope. But reading these now, I know the outcome. I know that the hope was in vain. I felt like an intruder. I was never meant to read these, yet I did anyway.

What struck me as well was the way the government responded. It was the same letter each time. It was from a template, the names and basic information filling in the formatted blanks. It was so bureaucratic. It made me feel angry. There was no empathy.

There is so much emotion in these letters. It's intense. Holding them in my hands, it was almost like I could feel their emotions flowing through me. They're long dead now. But their words live on.

4. Bassett's recommendation letters

Bassett was a theater nerd, just like me (and undoubtedly many of you). He even had a patent for a dolly system. Reading about his accomplishments, and how highly everyone thought of him, was a fun experience. I found myself smiling at the kind words people had written.

Bassett received multiple promotions. He was highly respected and well liked by both his commanding officers and fellow soldiers. One officer put him up for a promotion, but Bassett was refused the promotion due to him not knowing shorthand well enough yet. In my opinion, that's a stupid reason to deny a clearly qualified candidate a well deserved promotion. But, thus is the army.

I loved getting to know Bassett through these letters. I'd like to think we would have gotten along as fellow theater nerds. He was a good guy. He seems like a kind soul.

5. Their signatures

There was something so fucking incredible about seeing their signatures in person. I could trace the ink they wrote with. Their handwriting was unique, a view into who they were.

I touched a piece of paper they touched. It was a sort of connection across time. It was a powerful experience. I can't really put it into words. It was just... it pierced my soul in a beautiful way.

I don't think there's any way to explain what I've experienced today. This was one of the most important, life-changing experiences of my life. I can't put into words what it has meant to me.

In a way, I finally got to meet the people I've been researching all these years.

#I'll post more like this tomorrow #God this has been fucking amazing #I can't believe I'm getting to do this

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snugglyporos · 1 year ago

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The gripe most people have with DW9 is thr voice acting. A common theme with Dynasty Warriors - that I've found at least, your experience may differ - is the voice acting is like they're acting in a play. It's theatrical and dramatic.

DW9 casts aside Lu Bu's iconic growly voice, and the actors just don't care as much as they did, that with being a drop in quality. Dw7, in my personal opinion, had it best. And that's someone whose heard both dubs.

Theres also the fact that one scene with Liu Bei, learning of the deaths of Zhang Fei and Guan Yu, that was reduced to a JRPG style interaction as opposed to the emotional cutscenes we know. It's one glaring example of just... missing heart, you know?

But yea, if you're playing in Japanese or Chinese the voice acting isn't a big deal. It's just that I've noticed. To be fair I haven't played 9 myself, but I have seen enough to have something. All the same, I'm happy you're enjoying it. (That said I think you'd like Dw7)

// Okay so... Here's my issue: I've been playing the game for years and 'emotional' is not what I would associate with this series. The voice acting has never been good. There are individuals who have good voice actors, Lu Bu for one, but a lot of them end up like Xu Shu's voice actor, or the ear bleeding sounds of the Qiao sisters...

I can put up with bad voice acting. I can. I need it to be passable and understandable. The fact that DW9 even HAS a dub puts it above Samurai Warriors 5, because while the VA is probably better overall, it fades into the background because my brain does not realize speech is happening.

I can also say that Samurai Warriors 5 tries to be 'dramatic' and it ended up farcical. No throwing herself in front of a bullet to save Nobunaga SHOULD be emotionally impactful, but I laughed my ass off because it was SO over the top and it was NOT earned. Meanwhile characters like Hideyoshi are perpetually stuck as 'eager moron' and... Well it's not good.

I have played, and beaten (by which I mean unlocked every character, completed all campaigns, max leveled, and completed ever side mode) in every Dynasty Warriors mainline game since 5.

5 is my favorite of the 'classic' games. 6 is not THAT bad. Seven is a game that I beat, but I can't remember anything about it, but I know I played a lot of it. 8 was fine, but I felt that it was kinda lacking with how anyone can use any weapon.

Here's my view: I think that Dynasty Warriors should veer away from 'dramatic' and embrace the camp to some degree. Remember when it was fun? I mean, I don't think it should be terrible, we don't need Shenmue levels of bad. I think expecting dramatic actors to play the roles is kinda... counterproductive.

Rather than dramatic, I think that they need voice actors who feel like they fit the CHARACTER. That brings some energy or identity to the character. Having so many characters means a lot of them blend together. Having a strong voice actor helps with that, even if they're only doing generic lines most of the time.

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rpbetter · 4 years ago

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I often see multis post that they want to make a new muse, at the same time as they're backed up on threads and asks, and they get their followers to "enable" them to make that muse in the post replies. What is your take on this? Is it a they-can-do-what-they-want situation, or is it reasonable to be annoyed when I see this? Or both?

Hey, Anon!

Both.

I mean, as usual, this is my opinion of an opinion-based matter. This isn't an equation that has an objectively right to wrong scale, it isn't actually hurting any living person or thing. But...it is incredibly annoying and can be hurtful.

They can totally do what they want, and much of the nature of genuine creativity is exactly that - the allowance of doing whatever you so desire. It's something I support rather adamantly, but it's also something I support trying our best to do responsibly and without being hurtful to anyone in a hobby that involves more than ourselves.

This isn't deciding to write another fic when you've not finished the previous four or five that others were interested in, or never finishing any of your original fiction, but continually starting new projects. While others might be enjoying those things as well, you didn't agree to interact with them. They're audience members, not participants.

When others are participants in a hobby that has to work both ways, it's different. Your actions do affect other, real human beings.

So, I totally feel like you've a right to be annoyed every time you see that happening. I do. I tend to unfollow people who do that repeatedly, as we're not pursuing the hobby in the same way. I'll argue all day that someone has a right to their, sometimes literally, eighty-plus muses they never develop or stick to, but that doesn't mean I want to engage with them as a writing partner.

For those of us who want long-term writing partners with the same, well-developed muses, this kind of thing just is annoying. As is everything else that comes with it.

As in...

They're constantly posting "talk me out of adding x" as code for "talk me into writing x."

No one actually wants to be talked out of it, which was probably more obvious to everyone else here than it was me for a little while lmao I tend to take things rather literally. This was, as one can imagine, not appreciated! Telling someone in total earnestness, "I really don't think that's a good choice. You're always saying how overwhelmed you are and just dropped multiple threads yesterday, so adding another muse is going to make you feel worse eventually. Don't do it! :)" is so not what they were looking for. As was evident by the return meltdown over how they could do what they wanted, like I said they couldn't or had any authority over what they're doing with their time.

It's an obnoxious bit of pandering for a foregone conclusion.

Have you ever seen anyone who posts that sort of thing not pick up that muse? I haven't. I've only seen muns who are legitimately on the fence about it asking others in private conversations or testing out the muse decide against it. The thing that makes this incredibly irritating is the attention-seeking and need to validate something they must know isn't a great choice, otherwise, they'd just do it. They're aware that they're behind on drafts, asks, and other things - aware that this is maybe a dick move when they owe everyone already. So, they're seeking "permission" with full knowledge that multiple mutuals are going to hop on that post with encouragement, even some of the ones being messed over by this choice.

It puts people in a bad situation.

Some of those people genuinely don't care, they just want to interact with any muse, and I'm going to be awful and say it - they don't care about totally interchangeable muses and have them themselves. That's fine, this isn't a problem for them. It is for the mutuals who are hoping that maybe if their writing partner gets into this new muse, they'll get a reply to their threads with that energy, or that they'll stick to this one and they can have consistent interactions with them. It is for the mutuals who feel pressured to respond positively because they fear not responding at all will make them seem like bad rpers.

One more thing playing into the counter logic excuse for shitty behavior of "it's just a hobby" is one more thing too many, and it does exactly that.

No one wants to be accused of being remotely too invested in RP anymore, of taking it too seriously, or having any emotional investment in muses, stories, or muns. Not accepting every choice someone makes that negatively impacts you with a grin on your face while you dump confetti on them for it just isn't a comfortable option for a lot of muns anymore. Honesty isn't a comfortable option. While the other option isn't either, it seems better than that mutual noticing you're the only writing partner who didn't hop onto that post with support any of the multiple times they reblogged it. It's only a hobby in which everyone can do what they want until what one wants clashes. Then, you're getting a callout for being addicted to RP.

And the way it tends to clash most is in having expectations of others. Ones that would be totally normal in any other hobby requiring interaction with other people.

Like not overburdening yourself at the expense not only of yourself but those on your "team." That's what is being done when someone knows they cannot keep up with themselves, but continues to add to the situation with new muses.

Not only are you no longer getting responses already while they're intending to add even more to their overflowing plate, you'll be dropped again when they have to "fresh start" their blog because they're burned out.

I have to put that in quotations because I don't know how it's a fresh start when you keep everything but the blog layout the same. All the muses and all the behaviors, including adding a new one despite not having the time or interest necessary to do so, is inevitably maintaining the problems that led to burnout. Dropping every thread, changing the URL, a new blog layout, new aesthetics, isn't fixing the issue even if it temporarily reinvigorates the mun.

The mun is definitely doing things that are not helpful to them, it's stressful and upsetting to experience burnout, but it's at least that mun's choice. Both to do it and to become defensive over fixing it, thus, never fixing it. It isn't anyone else's choice to be repeatedly dropped or ignored, though...unless they just keep sticking around for it.

Again, we're supposed to respect everyone's choices. That's fine when it really works that way, when it is truly everyone. But it's not an acceptable decision to see a multimuse of twenty or more muses and say that's your limit, that you've experienced too many muns who are serial muse-adders not being able to keep up with themselves, so you don't interact with these blogs. If one feels that way, they had better not put it in their rules or ever be upfront about this as a reason, when one is demanded, for not following back or interacting.

It's not acceptable to see a writing partner adding another muse after they've owed you for months, just wiped their inbox, and keep expressing being overwhelmed/behind and become annoyed. Let alone dropping them or explaining to them why you are doing so.

The only "acceptable" course of action is hoping that they totally forget you exist so you can quietly slip away.

I don't feel like that's especially fair or mature. It certainly isn't helping the communication problem we absolutely do have here in the RPC when only one party is allowed to communicate without fear of being labeled, rather ironically, as a bad RP partner.

While this problem seems to be most prevalent in more casual RPers, it's certainly not isolated there. I feel like it's necessary to say that I've had muns I both interacted with and were simply on my dash alike who were not on that more casual side who went from being multis to being muse collectors. Once they hit over fifteen of them or so, they stopped even bothering to try to refrain from picking up at least one muse from every new piece of media they consumed or were inspired by.

It was more annoying because they had been capable of writing truly unique characters they stuck to, and even if they were, with full and upfront admission before interaction, slower to respond, those responses were well worth any wait for the quality of writing and storytelling going on. That's so much worse than someone who was always at a lower skill level as a writer, didn't have a good grasp on characterization, and wasn't especially dedicated to anything. It's depressing and disappointing, but it's also not what you think you're getting into when trying to carefully pick who to write with. Like everyone else, my time to enjoy this hobby is far from twenty-four-seven as well. It's important to me to try to choose muns I'll work out with well so that neither of us is wasting the other's time. And that's what it feels like - the investment of time was a waste because their hobby became adding infinite muses, or rather, the idea of muses.

So, yes, while it is fully everyone's right to write what and how they want to (even if it amounts to not writing at all), it'd be nice if we were all as committed to doing so in a way that was adult enough to respect commitments we've made to each other as we are, as a RPC, to losing our minds when someone merely drops the words "commitments" or "respect."

For the inevitable muse-collectors running across this:

Fiction is inspiring! That doesn't mean you needn't be inspired by anything, just that picking up or creating a whole other muse might not be the best way to follow this inspiration.

If you're considering another muse, but you find yourself already behind and/or overwhelmed? Try one of these instead:

create a plot based on it! Write up the idea and put it in your wanted plots/wishlist tag. Bring it up to partners you think might be interested in it as well, or seek out a crossover from that fandom

make it a new verse for an existing muse! This is as close as you get to creating a new muse without actually doing so, and in many ways, it takes even more creativity. How is your muse different in this AU than they are in canon, how are they the same? In the ways that they are the same, what similar events but done in a way that is natural/logical to this universe have happened to maintain that? Get really creative!

for either/both of these, make some moodboards and aesthetics with that energy while you're waiting on someone to take you up on these new things. Answer some HC asks or tag games using your new verse, or write an independent HC for the verse or plot

talk to writing partners who already love that muse about their new verse/your desired plot! No, not pressuring talk, just normal conversation between friends, but maybe they will be interested in starting a thread

simply be inspired to include some aspect of what you liked in an existent thread. A particular scene you could pull ideas from, the overall mood of a film, or the way something was written in a book - include that in your replies somehow! RP is creative writing, be creative

There are so many, honestly more organic, directions to take inspiration than bluntly adding a new muse. Especially when you're already overburdened, not holding up your end of replies, and/or not able to portray each muse as their own character properly.

Sometimes, it's not just not a great idea to add a whole new muse, and that's alright. There seems to be a serious problem with fomo going on with this whole issue, too. You're not going to miss out if you do not immediately add this character to your multi, and you're never going to fully keep up with what is trending anyway. Do it because you still want to write this muse in four months instead, they're obviously not going anywhere if that's the case, and they'll be a better developed, interesting portrayal for that.

And people do have a right to be annoyed when they feel sidelined by you seeing a shiny object and repeatedly pandering for validation in dropping them for it. Particularly if you're a mun who, further, expects everyone to be just as interested in every new muse you make as the last. As in, you're annoyed when you keep creating muses no one is falling over themselves to interact with, guilting, shaming, or outright demanding that this new muse is interacted with before they have access to the previous ones.

They don't have a right to be mean you to, but they have a right to be annoyed and to drop you. They even have a right to politely decline explaining this to you if they feel unsafe, or to politely explain it to you before they move on.

Absolutely everyone's right to pursue RP and every facet of it as they so please, but no one else has to like what you're doing.

If this response grates on some of you out there? Consider the other options you have, how you might be making others feel, and that it's actually completely okay to tell yourself no. You won't perish if you tell yourself no to taking on a new muse when you, honestly, should not! It'll be okay! Maybe, you just need to evaluate if there is another muse, or more than one, you should remove before adding one. Maybe, you just need some time to reorganize how you reply before you add this one. "No" when told to yourself can simply mean "no, not right now, it isn't a good time/situation."

#answered #anonymous #rp problems #rp advice #muse hoarding #burnout

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aot-snk-4238 · 5 years ago

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SNK Meta Part 2: Ymir

In my previous post, I talked about my feelings regarding Historia's character this final arc. Now I'm going to talk about Ymir, her relationship with Historia, and my feelings about her send-off.

Was Ymir a good character?

In my eyes, yes. When she was first introduced, it was clear that she had feelings for Historia, making her one of the only canon queer characters in the series (assuming Historia reciprocated those feelings, which I'm pretty sure she did). She also appeared very snarky and cynical, but us readers came to learn later on that there was a much softer, sensitive side to her deep down that Historia would be the first to witness. These revelations, including her backstory, helped flesh out her character in a way that made her very interesting and mysterious for me. I especially loved how sharp and intuitive she was. I'm going to quote the wiki on this part, because I think it does a great job explaining her impressive observant abilities. "Ymir was extremely perceptive and could discern the nature of the people around her with alarming accuracy, such as Historia's martyrdom mentality, Reiner's split personality disorder, and Sasha Blouse's desire to look good in front of her peers by hiding her native accent and developing an extremely formal way of speaking. Due to her experiences and belief in self-pride, she tended to rudely criticize people for being untrue to themselves. Furthermore, Ymir was very reasonable, as she knew what to do during her kidnapping situation and reconsidered her options to accomplish her goals." I also enjoyed her interactions with other characters besides Historia. Take Connie, for example. When he lamented over the possibility of his mother being stuck as a mindless titan, Ymir tried to distract him, albeit not in the most appropriate way (ch. 38).

Connie complained about this behavior later on, but Historia defended her, explaining that she was only trying to stray his thoughts from that traumatic discovery. There were a few more moments between these two that were fun to see as well.

😂😂😂. Ymir's looking at him like, "You ruined it, Connie..."

I love the way she pats him on the head. Knowing how much taller Connie's gotten I don't think she'd be able to do that anymore.

This becomes one of the many times that Connie calls her "ugly" when she's in her titan form. Too bad she couldn't talk very well as a titan or else she probably would have had a smartass remark to throw back at him. It's looking back on scenes like this where I wish we could have gotten more out of these two. You can tell she cared for Connie and I know he also cared in his own way.

We only saw her together with Eren once when Reiner and Bertholdt captured them, but it was very interesting to see their perceptions of each other.

Eren found Ymir to be mysterious and wasn't sure if he could trust her, which isn't surprising considering this was the only time they ever spoke to each other. One detail that he couldn't miss, however, was Ymir's undying determination to protect Historia, a goal they would both come to share later on. Meanwhile, Ymir couldn't trust Eren because she found him to be too reckless and hot-headed.

These were my favorite qualities from Ymir, although to this day I still question the rationality of leaving Historia behind considering the situation she's currently in. Historia herself called her an idiot after reading her goodbye letter. Now that I've covered my reasons for liking Ymir as a character, let's move on to her relationship with Historia.

Ymir and Historia

I've loved these two together since the beginning for their complex and amusing dynamic. On the surface, you had the selfish, confrontational tomboy and the girly, kind and beautiful goddess. But underneath were two young women who were dealt a dirty hand early in their life and lead empty lives as a result until they found each other. Their story arcs throughout the Clash of the Titans arc were beautiful and complimentary, and it's part of the reason why it's actually my favorite story arc in the series. Everything from Ymir seeing through Historia's charade and urging her to live her life with pride to Historia telling Ymir her real name and the two of them fighting side by side in chapter 49 was some of the most empowering moments for me and I will forever cherish those parts of the story.

Ymir's departure

And now the part I've been most excited to talk about! Ymir's glorious, memorable and emotional departure.

Her ending...was not what I expected it to be. She left Historia at the very last second and gave herself away to the enemy because she felt guilty for something that was not her fault. Now as we know, Ymir is selfless at heart and she felt indebted to Reiner and Bertholdt for inadvertently helping her return to her human form after 60 years of wandering the earth as a mindless titan. She also decided that Historia might be safe after all after learning that Eren possessed the coordinate. I understand all of that, but what I don't understand is...well...everything else.

This was Ymir's last real appearance. We see that Ymir has willingly chosen to accompany Reiner and Bertholdt back to Marley to give up her titan powers at the cost of her life. Many people weren't so sure if that was truly the last of her though, because her death was not explicitly confirmed for a long time. We spend the next 33 chapters hoping to get something more, and then this happens...

A glimmer of hope. Finally there's a real chance we'll hear from her again, and it's got a lot of people buzzing with excitement. Sure enough, we finally get to see what's in that letter a few chapters later and are given Ymir's backstory. Here's where the disappointing part comes, though. Ymir makes it clear at the beginning of her letter that she will be dead by the time Historia receives it, meaning that this is the only goodbye they're gonna get. The last time they saw each other, Ymir wasn't even in human form. Instead of a proper goodbye, all we get is a short letter. The anime even tried to fix this by giving us Ymir's backstory earlier, but by doing that, her letter was cut short by a lot. All that was really left was, "Hi babe, sorry I left you like that. Oh well, I'm about to die anyway. Sorry we couldn't get married." And then this happened:

Historia touches Ymir's letter and is suddenly bombarded with visions of Ymir's past, including her chained up and about to be eaten. That is definitely not what happened in the manga and its honestly very confusing to me. How was she able to see all of that just by touching the letter? I get that she has royal blood and was able to access memories when she touched Eren, but Eren is a human who just so happens to possess the founding titan. The letter is just a piece of paper. Also, I'm guessing the last thing Historia saw was Ymir chained up so that there will be no need to bring her up again like Reiner and Porco did in chapter 93. I don't blame the anime team for making that change because I'll be honest, when we saw that one panel of her in her death chamber it felt very out of nowhere and I had a hard time concentrating on the rest of the chapter after that. So here are my main problems with her death:

1. It was off-screen

If I recall correctly, Ymir is the only major character in the series whose death was off-screen. All we got were her final moments, and there wasn't even any dialogue. That part especially bothered me because you can see that Ymir and Porco are looking at each other and Ymir's mouth is slightly open, implying that she's speaking. But what was she saying? You seriously don't mean to tell me that they both just sat there and stared at each other the whole time. She must have had some last words, but for some reason we never got to know what they were. At one point I even thought that Historia and Porco might cross paths at some point and he would be able to give her closure that way but no. No closure, just a last minute goodbye letter and a glimpse of her final moments that I now consider completely useless and unnecessary because we never got more out of it. I mean really, we even got closure and an on-screen death for Marco for crying out loud. Why give him that kind of attention and not Ymir? Not to mention one of the more recent guidebooks. Her character has the diceased sticker and it talks about how she went back to Marley with Reiner and Bert, but that's it. Not even the guidebook makes it clear what happened next. Yeah she died, but did anything else happen before then? That's what I wish we could have gotten more details on like, I don't know....her final words???

2. It was anticlimactic

We didn't get enough focus on Ymir's point of view after leaving Paradis in order for her death to have any kind of lasting emotional impact. As I mentioned above, it just felt out of place and messy. There was nothing memorable about her death either. It was quite simple and boring.

3. It contributed to an ongoing literary issue that has anti-LGBTQ roots

Yep. I'm talking about the infamous Bury Your Gays trope. Now before I go any further, I am not accusing Isayama of being anti-LGBTQ, I'm just shedding some light on something that's been continuously repeated in countless forms of media, not just anime and manga. Truthfully, I hadn't heard about this trope before reading Attack on Titan, but when I did hear about it, it only made Ymir's death even worse for me. I'm not surprised that it exists and I realize that this is a manga where death is inevitable, but keeping both women alive in the end would have certainly been very refreshing. At this point, all I could ask for is that Ymir and Historia get to see each other one last time. Obviously since Ymir is dead it will have to be through other means and I don't care how it's done. It can be in a dream, a vision or through Paths (which I think would work best). Seriously, there's nothing I've been more curious about than how Ymir would react to Hisu's current predicament and what she would say to her. It would just be great for them to have one last conversation face to face because for me, the letter just wasn't enough. Of course I'm hoping for too much, though. We've only got 1-2% of the story remaining, leaving no room for further closure. It's disappointing and frustrating, but no story is perfect. I'm grateful for the content that we did get, but I hope one day I can find a story like this one where the queer characters get to live for once. I'm aware of other shows like Steven Universe, Adventure Time and Yuri on Ice that give them good endings, but those shows are much friendlier towards younger audiences and aren't nearly as dark and grim.

Conclusion

Ymir was a very intriguing character while we had her, but her death was unsatisfactory and only left us with more questions. I am not going to trash Isayama for it, but I will leave this critique here so I can unload all my thoughts for others to read if they wish, or possibly share their own thoughts. We are coming close to the end of the manga, so now would be a great time to reflect on what we read and enjoy what's left of it.

#snk #ymir #snk meta #snk spoilers #snk character analysis #snk manga #snk thoughts

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zahkilimasac · 4 years ago

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the quarantine that we thought would only last weeks took much longer than we expected.

During the quarantine, we've gone through many struggles. like, adjusting to the new normal, being forbidden to go outside, hang out with your friends, and go shopping. This was one of our ways to relieve stress and enjoy ourselves. But with the pandemic, we can't do any of that. We're stuck at home, left with nothing to do. This causes our mental health to get worse. As a teenager, I also experienced that and it is indeed a hard experience.

So here are 5 things that help me cope up with the situation and enjoy myself during the quarantine that might help you too!

1. Engaging in Arts

The first week of quarantine I was already bored. So, I browse through “shopee” an online shopping app, and the first thing that caught my attention is the cute and affordable drawing materials and stationery. I thought that this would help me to kill some time during the quarantine so I pressed the add to cart button and “check order”! after weeks (some took a month because of the pandemic) items I ordered finally arrived and I don't regret anything. the drawing materials I ordered indeed help me a lot to kill some time and enjoy myself.

Drawing, painting, designing my room with the cute and cool designs I bought, helps me distract myself to think negative things that relieve my anxiety, it disconnects as from stress, express inner thoughts, and even meditate. Aside from that, When drawing, we actively use both sides of our brain, the right for creativity, and the left for logical thinking. This strengthens both and helps develop the ability to focus and think strategically.

Here are some of my works!

2. Journal Making

now that we are quarantined, we can't hang out with our friends, classmates, and enjoy ourselves with them, we can't tell them our stories, no one's gonna listen to our problem. We have our families to speak to that will also listen to us too, but I'm just not open to them, it's hard to open up to my family. I'm not the type of person who shares their problems with their friends. I just tend to keep it myself until I recover from it. But this situation still made an impact on me. I used to love it when I'm alone, but now it's different, It feels lonely. I want to go outside and talk to my friends. I can't handle being alone anymore. My mental health got worst and fragile because of that.

Mid- January I had a panic attack. I was anxious for an unknown reason, to the point, my head hurts from thinking too much, then I start shivering like crazy, I couldn't control my breathing, tears keep falling from my eyes. It lasts almost an hour. I was so afraid. What I did during that time, is wrote in my journal random things, the thing that makes me happy, encouraging words, and my problems to calm myself and distract myself from negative thoughts. Journaling is a tool that allows you to explore the experiences that make you anxious. It helps you clear your mind of intrusive thoughts that “won't leave you alone”. Journaling helps you calm your mind. It releases negative feelings and thoughts.

Here are a few of the pages from my journal!

3. Taking Pictures

Quarantine and left nothing to do. Just scrolling through my social media, Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram. Admiring their pictures, their visuals. It made me a little bit insecure about myself, of how I look like and lose my confidence. So I thought to myself if I can do it too. So I tried it thinking I can get my confidence back.

Aside from pictures connects us to our past, remind us of people, place, feelings, and stories. It becomes my coping mechanism to dress up and look decent and take a picture. Especially now that we are in quarantine, stuck at home. There are no rules that my hair should only be 3 inches long and such. I can express myself and my creativity more. Now that I've been posting my pictures on my social media I gain my confidence back. The amount of love, compliments, and validation they're giving to my pictures are just astronomical.

Here are some of my pictures of me feeling myself!

4. Making Friends Online

I've been feeling lonely since the quarantine started. I'm not a friendly person. so, I only have few friends in real life, and I couldn't message them every time because they have their own lives too, and I don't want to bother them.

So I started by making a new Facebook account to have a new set of friends I can talk to then I posted the pictures I took. Through that, people added me from different places Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao, and even from other countries like China, Japan, and Lithuania. Some of them I meet through online games. They become a big part of my life as they're the ones who help and cheer me up when I'm down, encourage me, and boost my self-esteem. Though it is kind of sad that you can't meet them for now because they are from far away, and it's hard to communicate with them. Especially when they speak a different language. But with the help of the new technology, we can now watch movies together, translate messages, video calls, and more!

These are some of the screenshots of me and my online friends' face time!

5. Watching Netflix

And Of course, watching Netflix!

Anime, K-Drama, J-Drama, Movies, Cartoons, you name it, you can watch it all on Netflix.

Since I was younger, I always watch anime to kill some time and enjoy myself at the moment. It also becomes my stress reliever. Also, watching movies encourage emotional release. Even those who often have trouble expressing their emotions might find themselves laughing or crying during a film. This release of emotions can have a cathartic effect and also make it easier for a person to become more comfortable in expressing their emotions.

here are some of my favorite scenes!

youtube

That's all! thanks for reading! stay safe!

#quarantine #quarantine tips #for school purposes only #anime #photography #school project #journal making #journaling #drawing #junji ito #fairytail #given #the great seducer

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kileyrose-2003 · 6 years ago

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Rose the Hat x Fem! Reader: Part 2

A/N: Hello lovelies! This is continuation of what @merci-bitch requested. I am putting the link to Part 1 down below if you haven't read it:

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy! @mewbleu I am working on your request and I'll be in touch with you once I get closer to finishing it.

Love you all and hope everything is well!

One bottle of wine and less than a twenty minutes drive later, Rose had you already figured out and in her bed at the Bluebell Campground.

She drove you mad that whole time and hours after that. It was 2:17 in the morning and you both were still going to strong. Her head was tucked in between the soft flesh of your thighs as she ran her tongue across your clit.

"Damn it, Rose!" The older woman laughed and you gripped your fingers into her knotted tresses. "What's the matter, my sweet? I told you I'd punish you for running from me."

"You can't do it any other..form?" You grimaced. She smirked and stuck her fingers inside you quickly, getting a gasp out of you. "So eager for me," She mused and pulled them out.

You let out a whine and shook your head. "That's not fair!" Rose smiled gamely though there was a hint of maliciousness in her eyes. "It's fair, sweetheart. You've had control of all your previous relationships and now I'm the one in charge here and what I want, I always get."

She ran her fingers teasingly across your clit and you squirmed. "Just give it to me..please!" You grunted.

"For such a dominant woman, you're so submissive to me. I almost forgot how much I like hearing you beg underneath me from the last time we seen each other." She inserted her fingers inside you again. "Beg for me again."

Your cheeks went red at the mere thought of begging but it all felt so right. "Rose, please! I want you." You cried out and she grinned. "Much better." She quickened her pace, eliciting moans of pleasure from you.

"It's fun pleasure though, isn't it?" You bit your lips and let out a whine, hoping your neighbors couldn't hear what you were doing through the walls even though they very well knew how you were.

"Y-yes," You rasped, answering her questions. "You haven't had a true, passion fuck in a while. You're mine, Y/n. You know that right? All mine. I won't share you with the others. In a way that's what you've always wanted, haven't you? Someone to call your own.

"Y-yes..." You nodded and she started peppering kisses on your stomach. "That's my girl." She nipped at your belly button and you hissed, pushing her head away.

"Rose, that hurt!" You yelled more loudly than you would of liked too. None of the True knew you were at their campsite yet and you planned on keeping that a secret for as long possible. You didn't exactly have the feeling Rose told anyone she was coming for you.

"Oh please, you enjoyed it." She smiled and quickened her pace. "You feel so tight."

"I don't think I'm going to..make it much longer! Please Rosie, I want to come!" You begged, feeling like you wanted to cry.

"Then come for me." Her hands slipped away from your folds and you instantaneously orgasmed.

You arched your back up into the air in euphoria. It all felt so surreal and it was by far the best night of sex you ever had.

When the sensation began to fade you plunked back down on the bed next to Rose who pulled you close to her.

"My special girl," She cooed and ran her thumb across your cheek lazily. You smiled softly at first and shook your head, thinking of all the times someone called you special it probably wasn't in a good manner. "Don't call me that."

"Oh? Why not?" There was slight amusement in her voice. "I don't know. I don't think there's much special about me..I guess after being told you're crazy for so long you just start to believe it." You shrugged.

"You know..if you really wanted, we could always pay that back." She nipped your cartilage.

"It wouldn't matter anyways because they'd end up with the satisfaction of knowing I'm not in my right mind in that moment."

Rose sighed and kissed your cheek. "You're sane and very special. I've found over the years, people are afraid of what they can't explain or others who are more jealous of them. It elicts a sort of jealousy. That's why people who aren't special like us are rubes in my families eyes. They're all idiots. You were born into a family of people who didn't understand and appreciate you. It's a shame too because you're extra steamy. Something I haven't seen in a while."

"It's not that as a whole they didn't appreciate me. It was just my parents." Rose shrugged. "Still, idiotic rubes."

"Do they know I'm here?"

"Who?"

"The others?"

"My Crow is out on business so it doesn't matter but do you care?" You decided you didn't and shrugged slightly. Laying your head on her bare chest. "You love Crow?"

Rose chuckled and kissed the top of your head. "You got a twinkle in your eye, don't you?" You blushed and she shook her head. "No, no. No shame. I despise the term love. It's such a rube thing to declare. A foolish promise if you ask me."

You nodded and nuzzled closely to her. "True..but you're avoiding the question."

Rose sighed. "I guess you can say I love him. We have a very deep bond. We're knotted together. The whole family is. I do enjoy him more than the others though."

You laughed and squeezed her hand gently. "For someone who insist I'm such a busy girl, you get around too."

Rose smacked your ass in a way that said she was being playfully but also in a 'don't you disrespect me like that.' nature.

"He knows how I am besides the fact I'm not exactly so patient as to just be satisfied with just his welcome home greeting."

You snorted and she gave you a nasty look before pulling your head close to her warm breast. "Comments?"

"None at all." She raised a brow and placed a sloppy kiss against your cheek. You wiped away some of the spit and the woman laughed throatily, no hint of apology on her face.

"Oh yes..you and I are going to have alot of fun together. Rest up dear, you're going to have a long day tomorrow. You'll be one with us and one of us." She caressed your cheek and kissed your temple. "Goodnight, Y/n."

"Night, Rose." You hummed softly and nuzzled closely to her. She felt so warm and smelled earthy in a good way. It almost reminded you of your childhood but this time it didn't cause you any pain.

You could feel Rose running her fingers through your hair and your eyes began to flutter shut. Soon enough you succumbed to your exhaustion but Rose stayed up for a while, watching you sleep.

She could feel your emotional scars and all the trauma like weights in your mind. Some of it from her but she tried not to focus on thag. It wasn't a wonder how you hid from her for so long now. You locked everything away in the closet. You had to unless you wanted to become a statistic on accidental drug overdose.

Part of her wondered and knew if that your first meeting did go different, despite your age, you would of tasted amazing.

She wasn't concerned with that though. Now it was just going to be the matter of ridding you of your emotional baggage.

"So much pain inside for such a short time in this world..I guess that doesn't matter though anymore. I know what I have to do with you. I'm going to fix you up like my Andi, pretty little things the two of you."

You squirmed slightly in your sleep and Rose hushed you, sending you waves of calmness with her shine. "Nothing to be afraid of, my sweet. I have you and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you like that ever again."

You ceased your squirming and Rose grinned. "Now you get it." She kissed the top of your head and shut her own eyes before falling asleep next to you.

When you awoke the next morning it was to the roar of a car engine followed by the crunching of twigs from the impact of the tires.

At first you attempted to brush it off as some nearby car speeding down the road but the noise was too close for comfort.

Rose groaned and held herself up using the back of her hands. "What time is it?"

"I don't know but I heard a car." Rose smiled and sat up, not bothering to cover herself up. "Oh that's just my Crow."

"Y-you're not going to cover yourself or tell me to get out?" She laughed and rubbed your cheek. "Honey, in case you haven't noticed, norms don't matter around here."

"I know but isn't he going to mad? It's not like we exactly got off on the right foot."

"He'll get over himself. Like I said-" There was a slight knock followed by the sounds of the doorknob jiggling.

You squeezed your eyes shut, preparing for the worst. "Rosie, I'm back. Sorry I'm late but I stopped at District X and-" Crow turned to look at Rose and his jovial expression began to melt. She was completely naked.

Not that it was unusual to him, he was very familiar with her in this type of setting but your presence completely threw him off.

A pang of jealousy hit the inside of him. He knew of Rose's amorous nature and considered himself to bisexual as well, though his experience was limited with men and who was he to judge on what she did while he was gone but you..

You were a rube, their lost food at best and you had seen his Rosie in a way no other person should of. As far it was his concern, you should of been dead the second you struck out at him.

Crow Daddy's posture stiffened and he met Rose's mystical eyes. "What the hell is going on here and why is that little whore in my spot?"

Rose would of been lying if she said the appearance of his rare temper making itself known didn't shock her slightly.

She pulled you close to her and you shoved the blankets around your sides to try and prevent your breast from popping out.

"Crow, this-" She gestured to your form. "Is Y/n. She's going to be our newest recruit."

He made a face and you returned the look with as much crudeness as he gave to you. "Who is laying in my spot." The words came out like an animalistic grunt. "Rose, I thought we agreed we weren't turning her after our last experience with her."

"I didn't promise you anything. I'm the leader of this group. I'll do what I want." Her eyes turned predatorial and you cringed.

"We need food more than we need new members. She might just be on that age bracket where still taste good for her age."

The look in his eyes was no longer one of anger but a hungered expression and you shifted uncomfortably around in the bed.

Rose ignored you and stood up off the bed, approaching Crow. She laced her fingers through his hair and smiled sweetly, laying it on a little thick.

"We're not eating her. That's the end of it . Admit it, you said you thought she was cute." He sighed and wrapped an arm around her bare waist. "Yeah but-"

"But nothing. You wanted to turn her originally. Did you not?" Rose leaned up and nipped the cartilage on his ear. You would of been lying if you said you didn't envy him in that moment.

"I did." His hands pressed gently into Rose's side. Leaving little red imprints on her pale physiognomy. "What are you planning at?"

She smirked and pecked his lips. "You'll see. Now go on. I'll see you later, alright?"

"Sounds good." You could of sworn you seen Crow narrow his eyes at you before walking out the door.

"He's very..intense." Rose chuckled and shook her head. "Not usually. He's just very protective. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just got a little scared for a second." You chuckled nervously to try and brush off some of your anxiety.

"There's something else on your mind too. You want to tell me about it?" She pet the back of your head. "I just..I don't know. I guess I'm afraid of getting stabbed in the back. Every person I've ever gotten close to has either hurt me or just abandoned me and I'm scared of that happening again."

"When you join our family, we have each other's back. We might get at each other's throats at times but we don't betray each other because after being alive for a while we've pretty much seen everything. So we get how it feels to be in someone else's shoes, okay?"

"Okay." You nodded as Rose got up and threw some clothes in your direction. "Come on, I think it's time I introduce you to the others."

Once you met the members of The True and they weren't trying to murder you, you found their company to be very enjoyable.

You instantly connected with Andi who like you, didn't have an easy past. Plus she was around your age which made it easier for you to talk to her.

It made Rose a little jealous but she tried to let it get to her so much. She didn't have to be in your head to know you were hoping this was going to be a way for you to settle down and she planned her hardest on trying to give you that.

Later on that night after dinner was cleaned up you sat down on the muddied ground as you looked up at the stars.

Normally seeing them made you feel serene but tonight it made you scared. You didn't know how long you sat there for until you felt Rose tapping your shoulder. "Are you ready?" You nodded and wiped a tear away from your eyes. "Yeah."

"Good.. why are you crying?" You sniffled a tiny bit as she nervously forced your head back into her lap. "I'm nervous."

She let out a snort and had to fight the urge to chuckle. "Oh please, a girl like you? You are a force to reckon with. Just think, no pain after this. All bliss and all you have to do embrace it."

"Okay." Rose wiped your eyes. "Is it going to hurt?" She rubbed your temples. "A little but no fear, you understand?" You nodded and relaxed your posture.

"Grampa Flick, we're ready when you are." You looked up and the entire Knot was hoarded around you. Some of them were smiling while others looked mad.

"Lodsam hanti, we are the chosen ones," All of the True repeated after him. "Cahanna risone hanti, we are the fortunate ones. Sabbatha hanti, sabbatha hanti."

"We are the True Knot, and we endure. Here is a woman. Would she join us? Would she tie her life to our life and be one of us?" You felt everyone's eye fall on you and you tensed, that inner voice screaming to run while you can.

(Say yes.)

"Yes." You whispered it but it was enough for Rose. She pulled out a cannister from her dress and held it up in the air.

"This one is special like you. Her name was Abra and like you, she thought she could run from me. There's still plenty of her left and she taste-" The cannister cracked open, letting out the scream of someone fighting for their life to a pitiful whimper. "Like spice."

You watched in horror as she inhaled the steam. You figured that if they were going to eat your steam, then possibly it was what they lived off of but you thought it was just adults they killed. The scream sounded like it could of belonged to a child.

Your blood ran cold and Rose's hair tckled your face as she leaned infront of you, the steam floating infront of your face. "Breathe deep!"

For a moment you thought about refusing then thought of that girl's scream. If you refused, you would end up with her fate. That was the last thing you wanted.

Despite the moral dilemma you breathed in the steam. You could feel the coldness of it along with the kick it gave on its way to your stomach.

For a moment you felt nothing but then everything went cold. You opened your mouth to try and ask Rose what was happening but nothing came out.

Your throat felt tight and Rose grinned down at you. "Embrace it." Your body began to arch and you could feel your stomach burning.

"It burns!" You screamed and clawed at the dirt. "I know..I know." You could practically feel Rose smiling at you.

There were hands clamping down your arms and legs and you screeched. "No! No! NO!" A big blue burst of energy flashed infront of your face and soon everything around you faded into darkness.

The next morning when you woke up your face and hair was caked with sweat and mud was all over your clothes.

Their was a near by puddle of water and you looked at yourself in it. You looked the same but you felt different. You heard laughter and took your attention away from your reflection.

"Well hi there!" You turned to face Rose. "You fucking bitch! You said it wouldn't hurt." The other woman had to stuff her bad temper in a sack and smiled as she knelt down to your level, brushing a piece of hair away from your eyes. "Well it doesn't now, does it sweetheart?"

'You can pull one over on your little boyfriend or the others, but not me. I don't go for people who lay it on thick,' You thought to yourself then shrugged. "I guess."

"Then there's no need to for us to act like a child, is there?" There was a hint of malice in her voice. You gave her a face as if to say 'I hate you' and Rose chuckled.

"It's okay. You'll feel better after you eat." She took your hand in hers and caressed the tops of them. "What's the matter?"

"Am I even a human anymore?" Rose offered you a cheeky grin. "Do you care?" The words were cold and had no feeling of comfort.

"I guess not." She patted your head. "Good. Now come. I have something special I want to show you."

You raised a brow. "What is it? Like a gift?" In the short amount of time you spent with Rose, you loved her smile but in that moment it sent chills up your spine.

"You'll see. Crow, help her up please." In a moment the dark haired man took your hand in his and swiftly swept you up off the ground.

The other members of The Knot were already back to their previous engagements and from the look on Rose's face, she seemed fine with that so you let it go.

She wrapped an arm around your waist and lead you forward towards the edge of the all too familiar woods.

"You know, I remember the last time I was here," You said, pretending to think. "You tried to murder me."

Rose smiled tightly and squeezed your sides. "Yeah well, no need to hold grudges over things to small."

"I don't know if I'd say killing trying to kill someone as something that everyone should just brush off." For a moment there was very awkward silence.

"Well you woke up in a pissed off mood, didn't you?" You shrugged. "Well after feeling like I was dying last night, wouldn't you feel the same in that situation?"

"It's a gift you should be grateful for, now close your eyes," She commanded. "Why?" You never exactly were fond of surprises.

"Because, it's a surprise," She answered like it was so obvious. "Yeah I know but I'm not so fond of the unexpected."

"Well, I guess it'll be my job to give you a sense of adventure." She smiled in a friendly manner and held a hand out to you, releasing her hold on your waist. "You know I wouldn't let anything hurt you, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Good. Now just keep them shut and follow me." Rose held your hand and lead you forward. "You'll let me know if there's a rock or something infront of me?"

"No, we'll just let you trip and break your face." There was a hint of sarcasm in Crow's tone and you could hear Rose slap his arm with her empty hand.

"Don't be an ass," She scolded. The further you went into the woods, the more it began to lose it's earthy smell and a more unearthly one began to set in.

"Now wait, wait! Don't open them yet. Now tilt your head down- No, not up! The other way! That's it now now open your eyes."

You hesitantly did as she asked and peeped both eyes open before letting out a gasp.

There was a boy laying on a ground in a situation much similar to the one you were in except their steam floating above him.

"Tada!" You narrowed your eyes and turned to look at Rose. "What the hell is this?"

"Honey, he's your 'welcome to family' present." She drew a knife out the pocket on her sweater and wrapped her arms around your waist.

"As you know, there are people out like us who have steam. People like us, the steamy ones, we're above the others. However, there is a chain involved. The hunter and the hunted."

She knelt down and took a jab at the child, a large whiff of steam floated into as a residual effect. "Pain purifies steam, fear too. That's why we took you before turning you, because you're so pure."

You shifted in discomfort, trying to move the steam away from you. "Their pain. Our gain. You can have as much as you want from him. All you have to do is take it."

She handed you the knife and you locked eyes with the boy and bit your lip. You didn't have to use your shine to know he just wanted it all to end.

You didn't consider yourself to be a sentimental person or one who restricted themselves from their vices but this was too much.

Eternal life or not, it was just wrong. You bit your lip and tried to reach out the boy with your shine to give any sort of comfort but all you could see was a wind storm of broken memories. "N-no!"

Rose's arrogant face turned shell shocked. "No?" You shook your head. "I-i can't..I just can't! Just look at him." She furrowed her brows in a way that almost made her lose her respective queen stature. "And?"

"And he's suffering! Just look at his face." The child let out a pained sob and you sat down next to him, making sure to keep a semi safe distance from Rose as you ran your fingers through his hair and shushed him.

Despite the hunger you were feeling from his steam, you felt the urge to pull him close and just take him back home.

"He's an innocent child! He doesn't deserve any of this. He didn't ask to be born this way or for people like us to be around. This is wrong! All of this is just so wrong!" You screamed and started sobbing. "It's not fair!"

"Honey, life's not fair. Do you think Andi over there at camp, wanted or planned on having the humanity literally fucked out of her? Shit happen sometimes. It's the same thing with livestock cows. They don't-"

"For fucks sake! This isn't a cow! It's a child. Call me silly, but I think a person has more value sentimentally and in life then a cow."

Rose's posture straightened like a board and her fair skin turned cherry red with lividness.

"Rosie-"

"Quiet, Crow Daddy! Now you're just being ridiculous, Y/n! I tried being nice but now you've pushed too far. One way or another, I will get you to give in and you will kill."

"No, I won't! What are you going to do? Kill me or spank me?" You taunted.

You knew you crossed the line but you wouldn't give in and even in that moment you revelled in getting Rose all riled up even if that meant your anxiety would go through the roof because of it.

Rose huffed and went to stand up from where she was kneeling on the ground but Crow grabbed her shoulders. "If you know what's good for you right now Crow, then you'll let go of me because now she needs to be punished."

"Rosie, if I let go of you right now you're going to kill her. No one needs to know you as long as I have to know that right now. It's blazing like fire in your eyes. Just breathe for a second."

"I'll breathe later. Just let me at her!" She shoved him away and stomped towards you but Crow grabbed her by her waist. "Rose, you're going to do something you regret."

"Regret, my ass!" She kicked him in the groin and he immediately released his grip on her. She took the knife out of your hand and pushed you down on the ground next to the kid.

"I'll show you how it's done." She raised the knife above her head and you expected it to come down plummeting down on you but instead it landed in the boy.

Blood splattered all your face and you screamed. "Rose, stop!" You begged and attempted to get the child away from her.

"No! Now you'll get to have a front row seat on his pain." She leaned forward to grab your wrist but you kicked away before running.

"Y/n, you bitch!" You heard radiating through the trees but you didn't care. Tied to them or not, you wanted out. Even if that meant death.

As you reached the bottom of the hill you stumbled over a tree stump and all that was heard by those nearby was a thump followed by a crack.

"Y/n?" Andi ran towards you. "Oww! Oww! Oww!" You screamed, looking at your broken ankle.

Meanwhile in the woods a very pissed off Crow Daddy struggled to get Rose off of her prey. "Baby..this is a little over board. I don't think there's any steam left in the kid at this point."

She ignored him for a couple of minutes, making stab after stab until she own hands were cut open from all the pressure she put on them. "They all give in at one point! I don't understand it. I could practically the yearning in her eyes!" Rose seethed, hysteria still in her eyes.

"I know but some take longer to adapt than others. Not everyone is like Barry and Andi." Rose thought back on the first time she seen the two harvesting steam.

Andi's especially was pure irony in her eyes. For a girl that could 'never hurt anyone' based off how innocent others perceived her as, she tore her victim apart limb by limb.

"What do we do if she doesn't give in? Just let her starve and cycle out?" She barked. "When she's ready to eat, she will. It wouldn't be the first time someone had a lapse of faith and we had to deal with it."

Rose sighed and Crow massaged her shoulders. "We'll figure that out when the time comes but for now just let her be."

Rose actually listened and nodded, wrapping her arms around him. "Where did she go when she ran?"

"I don't know. I couldn't keep track. I'm sure she's close by though." He rocked her back and forth gently in his arms.

"I should go to her." Crow shook his head. "You're shakey. You need to relax before talking to her. You both will feed off each others emotions and it won't end well."

"Stay with me until I calm down?" He nodded and held her close.

Meanwhile down at The True's campground you sat in Andi's trailer as she wrapped a bandage around your ankle.

The steam healed most of the fracture but there was still some soarness around the area of the crack. Normally, The True Knot never kept first aid kits around but Andi was glad she had one in this situation.

"..and that should be good," She hummed as she placed the last piece of medical tape on the gauze.

"Thanks, Andi." You sniffled and she gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "You're welcome hun."

She grabbed the towel laying at her side and began to scrub the blood off your face. "You want to talk about it?"

You shook your head and curled your knees close to your chest. "She's probably so mad at me right now," You whispered softly.

"Well, she'll learn to get over it. Rose is scary when she's mad but she can't stay mad forever." Andi paused for a moment and moved the towel away from your face. "How bad was it?"

"R-really bad." Your voice cracked and tears began to stream down your face. "Okay..okay." She held her arms out to you and you flung yourself into them.

"I'll never forget the look on that boys face!" Andi patted your back, trying her best to comfort you even though she hadn't felt a shred of sympathetic emotion in her in a long time. "I know."

"I should of stopped it. It's my fault!" Andi shook her head. "No, it's not your fault. It was inevitable. If it wasn't you that was going to hurt him, Crow or Rose would of."

"It just seems so wrong because I know what it feels like to be in pain and I mean yeah, others deserve to feel that same pain sometimes, but not a child."

Andi had to bite her tongue to keep from saying the first thing that came to mind. "Yeah but think of it, just a little bloodshed for a life long gain."

"It's a child, though. A child doesn't deserve that." She could say no more and pulled away from you. "Get some rest, okay? Maybe you'll feel a little better in the morning."

"Okay." Andi stood up and let you get all settled under her covers before opening the door to her trailer. "Hang in there, Y/n. I'll see you a little later."

"Bye, Andi." You grabbed one of her pillows and held it tightly against your chest, trying to relax yourself. 'You're such a damn fool to think of this would work, Y/n,' You thought to yourself as you stared at the walls.

Your eyes burned from all the crying you did and you felt so drained. You shut your eyes for a little bit, trying to just find yourself when you heard the door to the trailer open and shut again followed by a pause.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah, Rose?" She didn't have to look at you to know you were crying.

"I'm sorry." You turned your body to look at her. "About everything earlier..look, I don't want to make you do something you're uncomfortable with but harvesting steam is unavoidable."

"I know, I know..just give me time, okay?" You begged. "Maybe it's just because I'm not used to the bloodshed but I'm just not ready for it, yet. In all honesty, I might not be ready for it in a while."

Rose sat down across from you and took one of your hands off the pillow, holding it gently in her's. "That's fine. I just- You know what, it can wait."

"You're sure?" She ran a hand across your cheek, the bloodiness on it showing you the unholy deeds she did after you ran. "I'm sure."

Rose enveloped you in her arms, running her hands through your hair as if to reassure herself you were still there.

"Rose?"

"Yeah, Y/n?"

"I like you."

The older woman found a smile forming on her face and she placed a kiss against the top of your head. "I'm glad because I like you too, my patchwork doll."

You pulled away momentarily. "Patchwork?"

"Because you're such a pretty thing made out of horrible memories." You thought on her words for a moment and nodded. "I can live with that, being a patchwork doll."

Rose grinned and placed a kiss gently against your lips. "I love you," You told her with such honesty gleaming in your eyes.

"I do too." She smiled and held you close for a long time. For the first time in a long time, despite all the blood and violence, you felt at home. You were home.

#rose the hat #doctor sleep #dr sleep #the true knot #true knot #crow daddy #imagine #x reader #x fem reader #x female reader #the shining

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