#think I will restart and -really- take my time
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𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜 | 𝚎. 𝚓𝚊𝚎𝚐𝚎𝚛
studying has been taking up a lot of your time (and mental energy) as of late. Your boyfriend has just the plan to shut your brain off for the night.
black nurse!reader (fem descriptors), eren is a nursing student (a few years younger than reader also) fingering, neck kissing, choking, facefucking, rough-ish sex, squirting, missionary, slightly aggressive rennie 🫠, daddy is used once, nipple play, calls reader slut, spit play, fingers in mouth, creampie, multiple orgasms
word count: 5.3K
🎙️: some of y’all might remember this AU from Wattpad and I’m officially restarting it bc my muse for the others are shot right now. If you’re not familiar with it, I apologize in advance bc I promise it’s not this smutty and juicy in the slightest ☠️ I’m just in a mood. Also, this is my first fic in almost two months, please be nice or I’ll cry!
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“You know you play too fucking much, right?”
“Mmmm..nah, I don’t think I’ve played enough. Look at you. All tense and shit.”
if there was one word in the entire English language that you could use to describe your mood at the moment, it’d most certainly be irritable. To the highest degree..and granted, that could have been chocked up to the fact that you hadn’t eaten in hours, you’d been staring at textbooks and computer screens since four in the afternoon and your phone screen read nine thirty..and to really add the proverbial icing atop the cake, this annoying ass man would not leave you alone! Here it was only a week away from your BSN final; two from his N-CLEX exam and here he was bullshitting as per usual. It was how he approached most things in life, his mantra if you will. No need to stress, what’s meant to be will happen.
too bad, you couldn’t take on those sorts of ideologies when so much was at stake! Not when the results of these tests would determine your future as an RN and instructor, and his career as a nurse in general. You’d met Eren Jaeger almost three years ago when he was merely a patient at the office you worked for during your initial internship..earning clinical hours and experience in the field. He was most certainly the liveliest one you’d seen in Dr. Smith’s office and there was never an appointment where you didn’t leave in stitches because he’d made you laugh so hard. However, you pegged him as the rich kid, the son of a doctor with no ambition or common sense...always looking to make a joke out of everything.
so imagine your surprise when you were tasked with not only supervising an entire floor but the local nursing school recruits as well and the first person to come traipsing through those heavy double doors was him! And even more so, in six months time, he’d have you wooed and swept off your feet. That same charm and wit that had you cackling during his appointments were the same ones that made you nearly spit your drink out when you were on a date and eased serious tension among your staff after a rough night on the floor. Just being in his presence brought you immense comfort. However, at the moment…
“Look, Eren. I’m busy, find sum’ else to do, for real.”
you weren’t in the mood for any of it! This exam had been causing you immense stress and it seemed that no matter how hard you studied, retaining information was impossible. Nothing stuck and you were at your wits end..certainly not in the mood for childish antics.
”I’m trying but you don’t want to stop—“
“Maybe because everything isn’t a goddamn joke to me.”
Eren could see the frustration, hence why he had come up behind you, in a half assed attempt to make you scared and somehow wound up groping your chest in the process. Admittedly, he’d never seen you act like this..never even so much as raise your voice at him and here you were, lashing out. Part of him understood your feelings. He knew how important this was and although he wasn’t showing it, he was equally as nervous for his own test. But regardless, nothing was going to change tonight and especially by sitting here irate and snappy. The only thing he wanted to do was shut his brain off and wanted his beloved (y/n) to follow suit..and he was willing to make it happen by any means!
“Eren, what did I just say—“
one thing that he had learned since being together was that once your mind was resigned to something..there was no changing it. So rather than spend time arguing with you, he had another solution!
“..I heard you, I don’t give a fuck about all that right now…’just trying to help..”
“You’re trying to help me by fucking me? Righttt.”
“Yes, I think it’s a very helpful tool for relieving stress. Seen that somewhere in my text book or sum’..”
“Mmm, I think me and you were studying different materials..but sure, why not.”
seconds later, his hand was snaking around your upper body, clutching your throat with the other steadily pulling the chair back and his lips marking your neck with soft kisses. He was adamant in making sure that you got proper rest and a distraction. What better way to do so than to wear you down? Eventually, you’d find those large hands of his snaking around to the front, making home back on your plump breasts..soft, voluptuous and perky as they sat up in your tank top. He could see you visibly enjoying this little tease, indicative by the way your muscles relaxed. He’d continue to massage them until your legs almost instinctively parted.
That’s when, before you even had time to react, he’d spin you around to face him. His grasp still firm around your throat as he moved in for a kiss. Your tongues collided in a steamy clash; smacking against one another as you attempted to catch your breath. But he wasn’t leaving you much room to do so, less known, attest him right now.
“Exactly..now keep those legs spread and don’t move.”
the command was so absolute and matter of fact, it damn near caught you off guard! He’d never spoken to you in such a manner. It was always so playful, jovial and even a bit needy during times like this. But alas, you’d awoken this side of him and you were going to have a hell of a time ‘calming’ him down. Even so, you’d follow his order just this once and part those thick thighs until that plump center, sheathed by the smallest pair of shorts he’d ever seen. Your physique truly was something special…thick in all of the correct areas with stretch marks and a semi-pudgy tummy to match. Your belly ring dangled from the gentle force of him maneuvering you around.
“Eren..I—“
“Whatever you’re about to say, save it…you don’t always have to handle shit alone. I got you..just let me help, okay? I promise, you can trust me..”
he was aware of your past..how mean and cruel previous partners had been so he was very careful in how he approached you. He understood all too well that being overly aggressive would only prove to make you anxious or even shut down entirely. His intention was never to make you uncomfortable. Even so, he wanted to see you give yourself to him fully…trust that he would do right by you and not take advantage of the precious gift that was your love.
he would take great care of you to not only relax but feel pleasure like you’d never experienced it. Although you seemed a bit reluctant, you were ready for whatever he was going to toss your way! Assuring him that you were all his for the taking..
“Fineee…I trust you..”
without a moment of hesitation, he’d detach from your own mouth and move down your neck. Whilst those tits remained exposed, he’d prompt you to give each of those nipples a light squeeze in his place. Meanwhile, his own hands were busy gliding into your underwear, trying to locate that aching bud. That long, tattooed forearm gliding down the center of your torso as a result. It would also serve as a semblance of comfort when he inevitably brought you to ecstasy..
“Mmm..there we go, baby..fuck, you’re so wet already.”
“That’s because you were grabbing on my neck..”
“Oh you like that, huh? I’ll keep it in mind..”
you wouldn’t know it but when you first began dating Eren, he was completely inexperienced. Although he wore his confidence like a lapel pin, he was incredibly timid, shy and nervous when it came to intimacy. The first time you two actually had sex, he lasted all of three minutes before he forced himself to pull out and splatter you with a heavy load. Left a trembling mess, his entire face turned beet red as he just glared at you. He was certain you were going to leave him right then and there; flustered and apologetic, he’d try to make up an excuse as to why he couldn’t satisfy you to your full potential. However, you thought it was adorable! He’d worked up all of his courage to give you a night filled with pleasure and even though it didn’t pan out quite the way he imagined, he had made a complete turnaround since that night and had done good to broaden his sexual horizons. You grew together; learning one another’s ticks and desires, which he knew each of yours to a science. So much so, you practically melted within his grasp and wanted to see just how far he’d take it!
“Open your mouth f’r me, princess…” prompting you as he causally glided those fingers across your tongue. Your gorgeous brown eyes fixated on him in a lustful gaze..by this time, you’d come to completely face him with that tall, lanky frame hovering above. You were all but level with that rising tent within his sweats. Meanwhile, his opposite set of digits were good and preoccupied with your juicy cunt; tightening around the base of the knuckles and then releasing once he’d use the thumb to stroke your swollen clit. Such an awkward position to be in at the moment but it was well worth it for the amount of pleasure both of you were about to receive. Finally retracting the ones in your mouth, Eren would leave you with a trail of drool seeping down your lips and chest in the process. Looking fucked out and starved already without so much as even a single thrust yet..that was the type of desperation and submission he wanted to see from you..
“ ‘ren…lemme suck on that dick..”
although he was trying to maintain control, who was he to deny your very blunt request? After all, he knew if you were dripping now, this would inevitably have you overflowing. Just as the first hand did, he’d slowly withdraw from those tight folds and allow you to clean up the remnants before tugging at that elastic waistband. “oh shit..I knew you’d come around. Here, baby..”
suddenly, you’d feel that same grasp on the back of your head, tugging you forward so that he could align himself with the rim of those pretty lips. The softness brushing against the tip as he rubbed them around…teasing you. “There you go..kiss it—stick your tongue out..that’s it..” from there, (y/n) needed no further instruction. Without the guidance of your own hands, you’d take his entire tip into your mouth and begin to suckle. Suctioning in, enclosing the silkiness of those jaws around his cock. “Fuck..you don’t need me to tell you anything..just make me feel good, princess..like you always do—“
he was well aware of how deviant you truly could become when the need arised. From outside appearances, you always looked so poised and proper..never getting out of character and to some, you’d even come off as ‘boujie’. However, Eren got to see the multitude of your complex layers; dispelling the notion that you were dull or boring. Including this one..the very promiscuous side that would do whatever it took to get hers and make him climax too! When it came to the bedroom, you were adamant and steadfast in what you wanted and he had no issue fulfilling those requests. Eventually, you’d take another couple of inches before establishing a rhythm. It didn’t take long for the very audible sounds of slurping and gagging to emit as a result. You’d gaze up to see Eren’s head resting back on his shoulder blades; groans spilling out in a whiny huff as a result of it all. You could be rather relentless when it came to pleasuring him but he didn’t mind it one single bit, of course!
“Oh my—shit, baby. You take me so good..fucking your own face like that. I love it..”
those words only served as further encouragement and inevitably prompted you to cradle his balls in addition, knowing how sensitive they were. Giving them a light squeeze, you’d continue forcing his shaft between your jaws; the sloppy wet strings of drool pooling down your chest serving as a testament to how much you were enjoying yourself. Where limits should have existed, there were none and it wasn’t long before he’d find himself buried to the hilt of your throat with your forehead scraping his pelvis. With that salacious gaze fixated on him, Eren had to all but restrain himself from forcing a load down your esophagus. But to be fair, this was the outcome he desired so badly and kept pestering you for.
“F—fuck! You’re not playing fair, baby.. ‘gonna make me come if you don’t stop..”
that deep tone with breathy whimpers cried out as he struggled to maintain his composure. However, you weren’t interested in letting up when he so rudely disturbed your study session. He was going to pay for breaking your focus! In a quick slight of hand, you’d shift his member into your palm and his sack in between your lips. Making slow jerking motions until you’d lean back up and coat both with exorbitant amounts of saliva. Seeing how filthy and unabashed you had become for him was causing Eren to lose his mind. Sometimes, he felt as though he couldn’t keep up with you and this was one of those moments. Although this little sexual escapade was his idea, you’d seem to have taken full, unequivocal control of the situation.
“That’s exactly what I want…”
“Then gag yourself on this dick, baby..let that stress out.”
that look in your eyes screaming for him to give you every ounce of his creamy nut…wanting to swallow every drop. Eventually, you’d begin to writhe around against the desk chair, attempting to create friction and stimulation for your clit. Your nipples had once again become extremely hard and the slightest brush was driving you crazy. Eren had heard your response loud and clear, which led him to sandwiching your head between those same fingers that had once curled up inside of you. He’d prompt you to take his cock back into your mouth so that he could work out all of that cum of his own accord.
the pace mirrored that of heavy, rough strokes..ones you’d get to experience soon enough. Gag spit along with loud moans poured out as a result of his brutal pounding but you welcomed the sensation..even increasing it by reaching down and fingering yourself in his place. “..yeah, play with your pussy, baby..” It wasn’t even a full five minutes before you noticed his stride beginning to break and his toned legs trembling. The last couple movements were off kilter and choppy but soon, you’d have your reward in the form of his seed. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, damn—‘coming—“
in that very moment, (y/n) would find yourself held in place by the tight grasp of his palms as he allowed that thick cock to pulsate in the back of your throat. The warm fluid filled your oral cavity until he could muster another drop. The entire time, his loud groaning was permeating the room as well. Once he was able to regain his senses, Eren would slowly withdraw and examine the aftermath. That towering six foot something frame would take a step back to truly take in the beautiful sight in front of him. You were drenched from the neck to your belly button in silky fluids…that wrung out tank top sat idly underneath your breasts and those shorts were halfway around your thighs at this point. To say he’d make an absolute wreck of you would be an understatement.
“Lemme look at you…”
proudly displaying his work of ‘art’, you’d cup those saliva laden tits and squeeze them together with your tongue dangling. By the look on your face, something told him that you were more than happy he’d interrupted you! “Yeah..that’s how you should look. Happy as fuck.” Shoving his thumb between your puckered lips, he’d then bend down to shove his tongue into your mouth for a sloppy peck.
but something also told him that you couldn’t be satisfied with merely sucking him off. You needed—no, you deserved more.
“Are we done? If so, imma be disappointed.”
“Of course not, baby..I got you.”
Regardless of how lightheaded that orgasm had made him, he leaned forward and took you into his grasp. Hoisting you up in one fell swoop to carry you to the bed that was a mere ten feet away. Once he had you flat against the mattress, he’d make haste in disrobing you of those clothes to render you completely naked. He’d follow suit and tug his sweats until they reached his ankles so he could kick them off. Once the two of you were left with only your bare flesh, Eren wasted no time in pinning both your wrists and ankles behind your head. But not before propping your head up with a pillow. A position that led to excitement riddling your face. From this angle, you could watch it go in and out together. With you exactly where he wanted, your boyfriend began the descent down your torso to that plump center. Those fat lips drenched in slick whilst that aching bud protruded between them. He knew you were already overly sensitive so he didn’t want to keep you waiting for much longer but the selfish glutton in him just had to have a taste of that divine nectar.
“Just be patient with me..’need to make sure you’re good and ready first..”
immediately, your eyes would roll to the back of your skull and a nervous giggle arose as well. Make no mistake, he allowed you to have your fun but it was his turn to take control now. Delving headfirst between your thighs, Eren began his quick descent onto that swollen pearl and lapped around it. You’d immediately grasp at the sheets, eyes trailing to the back of your skull as those feet dangled in the air. He’d keep you at bay with a hand clutched around your throat as he continued exploring those folds with his tongue. For a split second, his head would raise to make eye contact with you.
“Fuck..you really needed this, huh? You’re already starting to come..” alluding to the fact that your juices were spurting out as he scooped his tongue inside of your hole and rubbed that sensitive clit. It seemed his skills grew better and better each time you two had sex. He was far more attune to your needs and desires, even more aware of them than you were sometimes.
“Y-yeah!..how’d you learn to do that?” “What can I say? I got a hell of a teacher...” tossing you a wink and a smirk because you truly did turn him out when it came to the bedroom. He’d continue lapping and tracing his tongue intricately throughout your folds until he received the beautiful payout of you squirting all over his face. Try as you might to harbor restraint, it was to no avail and of no use…that tight entrance would spasm before more would spill forth. Just to increase that pleasure, Eren added a finger in hopes of coaxing more out.
“Give me that cum, baby..that’s it. Make a fucking mess for me..” and you certainly didn’t disappoint. The shower of sweet juices continued for another minute or so before you’d lie there, spent and breathless from such an amazing orgasm. Once he’d gotten his fill, your boyfriend would return to the surface for air and to get a good look at your current state. “You taste so good..love making you squirt in my fucking face..” Breaking into a sadistic chuckle, he’d readjust so that his palms were stationed firmly on the backs of your thighs and that he was centered right between them..in that moment, he’d slide his throbbing member across the sensitive core and tease it for a moment. But you couldn’t handle that at the moment.
“Eren, please don’t play..I need you so fucking bad right now..”
nearly in tears from the pending overstimulation and the overwhelming need to be stuffed full of his cock. Your walls would ache and spasm in anticipation; so much so, he’d watch you reach for his hips to guide him in. But naturally, nothing with this man came completely easy…he had to mess with you a bit for all of the resistance earlier. Just as you went to grab him, he’d pin those wrists back in one fell swoop with one hand and use the other to press into your stomach.
“I know you do…that’s why you’re gonna beg me for it.” Immediately being met with a look of shock and a bit of infuriation. Even so, you’d remain there, lying in wait until he got what he wanted.
“I mean, you were being all fussy earlier..I’m not convinced you really deserve it..c'mon, princess…change my mind.” he was so assured of himself and honestly, you were in no position to attest. The desire grew stronger with every passing moment and if he didn’t deliver soon, you were bound to implode. “Fuuuck, Eren! Please—“ “That’s better but not quite..tell me how badly you need me to fuck you.” Besides, when he hovered above you like this, looking so fucking attractive and domineering, you felt no other choice but to submit. So setting your pride aside, (y/n) began to grovel..whimpering and bucking your hips to meet the friction of his shaft rubbing against your wet folds. You’d tell him how good he made you feel and that your body was his for the taking, unequivocally. Finally, that submission and trust he had craved..best believe, he was going to take care not to break it. After your speech, he’d seem content and proceeded to tap the head of that appendage against you before gripping the base and making one full glide across the outside and shoving it inside. Sucking his teeth and moaning as he made place between that flesh.
“Oh fuck…that’s it, gorgeous. Right there..”
you’d release a whimper of your own as you became acclimated to that thick shape. You’d clench around him once before releasing and he knew he couldn’t sit idle for long. With haste, he’d begin slamming his hips forward, quickly trying to establish some semblance of a rhythm so that he didn’t blow his load too quickly. Upon being immersed in that juicy cunt, he’d find his knees buckling from the sensation.
“..pussy’s so fucking tight..and warm..oh God, I love you so much..” his whiny yet deep moans complimented by the sounds of smacking flesh. With your hands now planted firmly on your asscheeks, per his instructions, you’d keep it spread open so that he had ample room to give you both the satisfaction you both desired. Suddenly, his strokes would increase in speed and depth; really stretching you out. Jolting that body around as those perky tits bounced from the force. “Fuck!… babyyyy…” “I know, baby. I know..you just look so pretty when I’m digging you out. I can’t help but fuck you this hard.” Cooing to you as he bent down to plant soft kisses along your forehead. You’d cry out, maneuvering your hands to his back, digging your nails into it..you’d never felt pleasure like this with anyone else. The way he made love to you was incomparable. Even when you fought against it, he knew your body’s needs and wanted more than anything to satisfy them.
“That’s right, princess..let me fuck that stress out of you..let that mind go blank. Just focus on taking this dick.” Whispering in your ear as you held him close.
eventually, your legs would coil around his waist and your eyes would trail to the back of your skull in a haze of sheer ecstasy. You didn’t know what to do with yourself..all except fall apart underneath him. Your body was a bundle of tight nerves, bound together by the building ecstasy and you were bound to explode any minute. Unfortunately for you, he wasn’t done teasing quite yet..instead, he had one more move he just had to try in hopes of sending you over the edge.
“Eyes on me, baby..yeah, I need to see that pretty face right now.”
garnering a smile as he leaned back up and maneuvered his arms to fall into the center of your torso. Suddenly, you’d feel a slight pinch of your nipples before he began to rub them slowly. Tracing tiny circles as he continued to pound into you relentlessly. It was very apparent you couldn’t handle it by the way that cunt twitched around his shaft..you were bound to explode at any moment. Mouthing off about how good it feels as he made alternating motions on those sensitive buds; rolling them between his fingertips, squeezing and even leaning down to suckle them for a brief moment. The sensation lasted for a few minutes before he’d return his attention back to ensuring you got your well deserved orgasm. This time, with a bit more aggression because he recalled how excited you’d gotten when he grasped your throat.
“Oh my God…fuck! ‘m gonna come—“
“Then do it..come f’r me, slut..give me what I want.”
the name sending you into an absolute spiral as he never spoke that way on a regular basis and would never think to disrespect you. But this was exactly what you craved. To be used and made devoid of all feelings except pleasure. Suddenly, you’d feel his fingertips squeezing your jaws as he increased his speed yet again..this time, feeding you the deepest, longest strokes he could muster. The two of you would spout off filthy, steamy remarks at one another through gritted teeth, intense glares and breathy moans as you reached down to aid him by stroking your aching bud.
“ ‘m so fucking close, baby. I don’t think I can hold it..”
“Fuck yes you are..that pussy’s gripping me so tight right now..goddamn.”
Eventually, those thrusts became rather sporadic and Eren was rapidly losing both his composure and stamina. The both of you were so near your peaks that it was only a matter of time before you exploded. You’d try to outlast him but as he maintained that clutch on your jaw, he’d lean down to spit into your mouth, letting that trail drip down onto your tongue as you stuck it out. He knew what was coming and he couldn’t be vexed to continue anticipating it so your boyfriend decided to assist with a little extra lubrication.
“Get yourself off..I’m not fucking waiting..” Without hesitation, (y/n) scooped that saliva out your mouth and onto your fingertips to massage that clit once more. You were rubbing so fast, your head began to grow fuzzy and soon, nothing but an image of static and blackness would fill your vision as you released all over him; voiding yourself of all those warm, sweet sticky juices as they sprayed his abdomen. Right above the incisions from some prior operations..he wore it as a badge of honor quite frankly. That a woman who once took care of him, was now having all of her wants and needs fulfilled. His cock sat idly inside of you until that stream became too powerful and all but pushed him out. That’s when he’d simply grasp the base of his throbbing member and tap against your slit.
“Shit! Oh my gosh..”
“Ahhh..fuck. That’s it..I knew if I got in it deep enough, you’d squirt for me again, baby. That’s my girl..”
“Fuuuck, it feels so good!”
You’d continue spraying until you convulsed uncontrollably. He was still in awe of the mess you’d made but there was still the task of releasing his own. Although he loved the sight of you in such a vulnerable state, he couldn’t let up. Grasping your hips once more, he’d tug you down onto it and continue drilling you with his cock. This time, to relieve himself.
“Hold still, I’m not yet…need to..come inside of you..”
clutching the backs of your thighs, Eren relentlessly shoved that thick cock back inside of you, pumping sporadically until he felt his own legs begin to quiver. It wouldn’t be long before his stride broke so he’d bend down to grant you one last kiss and sweet nothing. Cradling the side of your head into his palms in an intimate manner. With baited, sporadic breath and whiny cries, he’d pour his soul out to you. Becoming almost obiedient and subservient himself.
“I love you! fuck…I love you so much...”
“I love you too..”
“Am I making you feel good? Did I do a good job? Can I come inside of you..please, baby. Can I?”
and without hesitation, you’d nod your head profusely and grant him his wish. But not without sending him spiraling with your last statement.
“Yes, please! Come in this pussy, daddy..I need it.” And from that moment on, Eren fell to pieces. Collapsing his entire body weight onto your own as your legs coiled around his waist, ensuring he couldn’t pull out even if he wanted. His final thrust came in a sharp, forceful thud before he’d begin to pulsate and eventually, release every last drop of remaining semen he had to offer. Emptying his balls inside of you shamelessly. Already spent from his earlier orgasm, he’d let out an ear curdling grunt, allowing you to claw into his back because he knew he’d lost all semblance of control and had probably been a bit rough. However, none of that mattered..you both were utterly satisfied and it was apparent by the puddle of tears streaming down each of your faces. Never had either of you experienced lovemaking so powerful that it reduced you to literal tears.
eventually, he’d finish pumping the remnants into you and soon, find the strength to pull out. Once he was able to gather his own bearings, he’d turn his attention to you.
“Are you okay, princess? I'm gonna go grab you some water and a towel real quick—“
even insisting he’d help you to the bathroom afterwards to avoid an infection and get cleaned up properly. However, he was shocked to find that his words were falling completely on deaf ears! That’s when he’d turn around to see you sound asleep..completely knocked from the events that just transpired. All he could do was laugh to himself not only out of pure pride but the fact that you truly needed this reset. Although he admired and looked up to your hard work ethic, even the most brilliant of brains needed rest. Those test materials, patients and everything else would be there when you awoke..but for now, you could focus on yourself!
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I’m also a writer, of both fanfics and works I hope to publish someday, and I was wondering if I could ask your advice. I have a number of larger projects that I want to undertake, but thinking about how long it’s going to take to finish them makes me anxious and then I won’t even start. You’re an incredible writer and you have so many finished works; how do you do it? What would you recommend for someone who feels incredibly daunted by the lengthy and disheartening process that is writing a novel or series?
Also thank you for your Accidental Warlord series; it brings me inexpressible joy every time I read it
Oooh okay this is a complicated one. Let's see.
First off, and this is hard: don't compare your output to other authors. I have what my friends affectionately refer to as Wordy Bitch Disease. I write a lot, I write fast, and I write clean enough copy that Rose isn't doing copyedits, she's doing plot and characterization fixes. I start a new WIP...pretty near daily some weeks, and they do not all get done. My WIPs list is frankly fucking terrifying. But it's important to note that I have been writing pretty consistently for twenty years at least, and I was not as fast, coherent, or skilled when I started. For that matter, when I'm tired or stressed or just feeling blah, sometimes the words don't come, and it's important not to beat yourself up about it when that happens.
Second bit of advice: start smaller. I really, really like flash fic challenges and themed prompt lists and tumblr ask memes, because they make me limit my story to what can be told in a few thousand words. That lets me improve my craft without getting bogged down in enormous plotlines. (Yes, sometimes the story still grows a plot. But it's less frequent.)
Third bit of advice: take little bites, and accept that it's going to take a long time and possibly several drafts. When I started MBTT, I genuinely thought it would be 50K. (I am bad at estimating finished lengths of stories.) But I still took it one chapter at a time, and tried to have each chapter be a coherent whole, a chunk of story that needed to be told. When I'm working on the AWAU, if I think about the whole overarching storyline too much, I get overwhelmed and have to go stick my head under a proverbial rock for a while. But one story is doable, most of the time. I've had to restart drafts for some stories two, three, four times to get the voice and style and plot to cooperate. Be willing to say, That's not working, and try something else, even if you're really fond of what you've written so far.
Fourth bit of advice: learn what style of planning works for you. Some people like to outline in great detail. Some people like a sketchy outline. Some people, like me, can't outline - it kills the story for me. The WIP I started this morning has a notes section for important characterization details and the single plot point "Bandits?" Anything more than that, and I won't write it, because in some sense I've already written it so why bother doing it again?
Fifth and final bit of advice, because this is getting long: if you can find a cheer-reader, cherish them. Having someone in the doc leaving comments or emoticons helps immensely with knowing how my readers will react and with keeping my own enthusiasm for a story stoked high, which vastly increases the likelihood of it getting finished.
Good luck! Be brave! Thank you for the compliments!
I hope to read your stories someday!
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follow up to this: in an attempt to try to understand drew's big brain i restarted my pokemon x game on my 3ds just to catch a trapinch and raise it into a flygon. the results: 1) idk when drew exactly caught a trapinch to evolve into a flygon but i got mine at level 27 and leveling it up to 45 takes A LOT OF TIME. especially when you have other pokemon in your party that are already friendly AND strong AND your go-tos (shoutout to my greninja and charizard). and with a newbie on your team you have to dedicate a lot of separate time just to let it grow on its own regardless of whether or not it's strong enough to defeat any opponents in battle yet. i'm talking making trapinch my default pokemon when starting a battle just to give it the experience and then sending out another team member just to actually fight the damn thing. 2) you can't do anything to necessarily "speed up" the growth of a pokemon other than battle with it and bond with it. but all this while you're trying to get your gym badges (or in drew's case, contest ribbons)?? forget it, it's going to take AGES. i had to use so many revives and potions to keep trapinch alive in my party so it could get experience, even if it was getting knocked out right off the bat in a battle. keep in mind wild pokemon you catch on your route are significantly lower in level than the pokemon you already have on your team (i caught my trapinch at level 27, and the rest of my party was already in the low 30s. the last gym battle i had was against ramos, and his highest-level pokemon was level 34). you have to work overtime to get it up to the rest of your pokemon. and drew made sure his flygon would be at a high enough level, while raising his other, much more experienced pokemon, just to use it in the final stage of the grand festival. aka the highest level possible in the highest level possible of contests. 3) i have a flygon now, and is it worth it? YES. is it a lot of work that i could've used elsewhere with my other pokemon? YES. it's like learning a new language while maintaining your fluency in others. you have to play catch up. and you have to do it properly so none of your pokemon are neglected. it's dedication, and for drew, it's so deeply rooted in pettiness and also his big fat crush on may that it is actually truly insane. someone should write a fic about this. in conclusion: i wouldn't have done this if not for drew and if not for the fact that flygon is my favorite pokemon. but i think it says a lot that it's my fav pokemon and i don't ever bother raising a trapinch just to get it in my pokemon game because it's SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT. if he really wanted to he would and that is exactly what drew did. mwah!
I'm like 20 years late, but I'm coming back to this because truly what on earth. It takes 45 entire levels to raise a Flygon. Where did Drew get the time, energy, dedication, resources, and willpower to raise an entire Flygon for one specific theoretical battle that may or may not have even ended up happening with one specific person? like I get that having a crush will make you do ridiculous things but that's such an insane thing to do and I'll never be over it 😭 he RAISED AN ENTIRE FLYGON to battle MAY SPECIFICALLY at the Grand Festival. Specifically. Which, mind you, means he had full faith that she was going to 1.) make it into the grand festival to begin with, and 2.) beat everyone else in it until meeting him in battle. And to think, like two episodes ago May had told Harley that she and Drew aren't even really friends 💀
This isn't even the second Grand Festival. This is the first one. There's an entire season still after this. There's a whole other Grand Festival after this one. I love whatever the hell all of this is. He's out here doing the absolute most (and given all 45 levels to Flygon, he has presumably been Doing The Most™ for a long time at this point???? how soon after meeting her did he go 'yeah I'll dedicate all my time and energy into this'?)
#contestshipping#sorry this ended up being a rant#tbh i also never catch a trapinch in pokemon x because it's like on route 13 and my mo is catching the first 5ish pokemon i see#and then calling it my team
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Started Ettie's playthrough and already I want to roll back to redo Obi's and change some of her choices and such.
At least half of that is I'm not enjoying Mage as much as Rogue.
Also I adore her... soooo much.
I think part of it is I have a fully fleshed out backstory and I know where she fits in the lore and I am already eagarly thinking about her post-credits, but Ettie I got nothing for yet.
#Ettie will still be there later and I am really enjoying rogue combat so... meh back to obi I go#dragon age#aes play vg#veilguard spoilers#think I will restart and -really- take my time#I finished the game at 50hrs and 100% achievemented it in that period#But if I am gonna do obi I am gonna do it right and also build my warden and hawke too
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We lived.
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#FELT THAT GOOD GOOD VINDICATION HOARDING SCROLLS THE ENTIRE TIME FOR ONE (1) TO FINALLY COME IN HANDY HAHAHAHAHAHFHGD#This fight was absolutely bananas - I was so close to restarting it when everything looked bleak but I didn't and I'm so glad#because it made for a very dramatic story lol#Rambling incoming:#I split the party really bad bc I wasn't super clear on the AOE lightning attack so when the second one rolled around Gale was the only-#-one able to take cover in the building...but I don't think it even worked??#Lae'zel was down long before then but Wyll and Croissant were in death saves#Used all of Gale's movement AND misty step to get to Croissant but he still couldn't get close enough & had to throw a potion#I think I used a potion of speed then so Croissant could cast globe of invuln right away#(and it took 10min of looking through my inventory to even see I had something to do bc otherwise we would've died right there don't @ me)#But then we were STILL too far away from Ansur for 60' spells so I had to keep running them out of the globe - using a spell - and then-#-mISTY STEPPING BACK INTO IT BC WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MOVEMENT SPEED#it was rough but we made it#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#act III spoilers#ansur quest#croissant adventures#tav#ansur#gale#gale dekarios#breadweave#gale x tav#YEAH WE'RE PUTTING IT IN THAT TAG#comics
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it just feels so natural
#GUYS#IT JUST FEELS SO RIGHT#i seriously dont kniw how im supposed to romance anyone else in this story when kay exists#jonas is kinda on my radar and ivo but gahhh#a jonas route is feesible maybe one day since hes there from the beginning#it takes a second for ivo to show up consistently#id buckle#anyways um....i really like this story#i havent played every story#but this one stuck with me while i was taking my accidental year(?) long break from romance club#id just think about kay randomly#i will finish this story for sure this time#since its complete now#OOO also i started looking around on the app#cause when i was playing profiles werent a thing haha#profiles and friends and stuff#so im looking at my match percentage and mimi is like 75% lmaoo#mimiiiiii#if i go back to that story#mimi all the way#well id just restart the 2nd story cause i remember the 1st well enough i think#but god my low rep or honor or whatever its called was screwing me constantly#my goodness#tho once i finish psi i wanna find a new story maybe...#its hard tho#like psi is special cause it really does everything right for me personally#most romances dont feel this nice and comfortable for me idkkkk#also the story is very engaging too#romance club
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I find it funny how the fandom (or, at least, a part of the fandom I see a lot) has latched onto the "Moon is obsessed with rules" headcanon. True, he's the one that comes after Gregory for "punishment time", but...
Sun is the one calling the player a rulebreaker and kicking a literal kid straight into the less-than-friendly Glamrocks' waiting arms (for accidentally turning the lights off. As if Gregory would know touching a Freddy shaped security box would do that. If it even was Gregory and, idk, ""someone"" disabling the power in the daycare on purpose). Sun is the one nearly popping his circuits if you don't follow his instructions. Sun is the one threatening to release Moon on you if you so much as colour a page wrong. Sun is the one getting frustrated with Cassie if she screws up somehow (haven't played Ruin in a while, but I do think he freaks out if you approach him in the VR world after only disabling one - or zero - generators).
Moon on the other hand? Moon is fizzyfazzing vibing (well, not in Ruin for obvious reasons). Fulfilling his task and getting the kid? Sure sure, let him just jump from leg to leg first, and walk in a goofy way at an extremely slow pace (even Monty with no legs balancing himself on crutches would probably move faster), while giggling and alerting the entirety of the daycare to his precise jingly location. He only starts taking it seriously and entering the structures when you get some generators on, and even then he's still messing around. The robot cares more about his jester theatrics than his goddamn job. If Moon really does security patrols like many people believe he does, half of them are (or were, prior to the virus) probably him tormenting a poor overworked security guard (rip Vanessa, if you're out there...).
Don't take me wrong. I love a Moon who follows the rules to a malicious degree as much as the next person. And he does seem set on putting Gregory down to sleep and punishing him. He does seem intent on harming you in HW2. But let's be real, Moon doesn't give a shit about his job half the time - doing a goofy walk, riding a carousel... those are much better. If he gets to scare someone while doing it, jackpot for him. We only really see him struggle in Ruin, as far as I recall. Sun is the one running around like a bossy headless chicken trying to get everything in order.
I think it's because Moon is the one who directly says "you must be punished" and harms you? But even then my man jumps on the table, does a goofy move, and flies off to give Gregory some time to hide for their little hide and seek game. Sun is the one getting freaked out and throwing you out without any preamble after the lights turn on.
Again, not shitting on anyone. I just think it's so funny. I legitimately cannot imagine Moon being that serious unless 1) a real intruder is at the pizzaplex, not some snotty kid; 2) Vanny tells him to; 3) something actually dangerous is happening and he's not high on whatever virus is going around.
#dca#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#daycare attendant#fnaf sb#slowly replaying through security breach again#got to the daycare section today but I'll restart it#I meant to be taking screenshots of the game while playing but got lost messing with my girl Chica lmao#anyway. moon is so fucking goofy.#I had forgotten just how goofy he is#The only time I actually got uneasy on his section was when he crawled inside the play structures#now THAT is creepy#ten out of ten they should have a session where he's sprinting at you on all fours and you gotta move from side to side to dodge him#him and monty could team up for that#I'm rambling sorry. let's get back on topic#sun is on the verge of a breakdown over the smallest thing and we really should make him be the rule oriented bossy one#also I choose to believe gregory DID NOT turn off the power accidently#i like to think our rabbit lady was the one somehow doing it.#just because I choose to believe she's behind the silly crap that happens in sb and we just don't see it#i call it the vanny copium.#Also. On the ☀️🌙🐰 parallels. Vanessa is the security guard. Makes more sense for the paralel if Sun is the stricter one.#imo of course#opinions welcome tho!
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Understandably So no one mentions charles when talking about the Logan movie and again Understandably So This Aint Bout Him however i do confess that as someone who had never seen Logan until like. a month ago when i was binging all the movies and without knowing a single thing about it aside from laura i cant lie i was in fact jumpscared by him being there. especially for at least like 3/4s of the movie
#xmen#logan movie#snap chats#i be ramblin today hello ...#it was a pleasant jumpscare. yk until he died. after realizing he committed atrocities by accident 😭😭💀 OLD MAN NOOO#but no please LIKE I READ THE DESCRIPTION WHEN GOING TO WATCH RIGHT#AND I WAS JUST THINKING 'oh he'll probably be here for like twenty minutes. wdym he's here for way longer than that'#i THINK years ago i REMEMBER seeing a screenshot of the hotel bit with laura and charles but again that was years ago#and i might be tricking myself maybe its a false memory jealvvelka either way i just know they were cute :(#point is he was here for. i cant even say So Little cause again He Was Here For An Hour And Thirty Minutes Out Of Two Hours#and lets be clear 'snap has your brain molded that much you know exactly how much screen time charles gets in the movies'#girl no not yet i only know exactly when he punches his clock cause i had to keep restarting the movie cause it kept pausing vjAELKAJE#and it just so happened to struggle literally like. ten minutes after he dies- like when logan was dealing with x24 THAT part#so rude for that.. anyway I Repeat i miss charles and laura bein cute :(#it wasnt a lot but it was just sweet.. i always like how charles always got that Professor in his soul with these movies#like in dofp when logan's losing it after. getting future ptsd jvALKVLAJ??K charles is there to ground him#despite being. Like That vjeaLKj like sir please ily. i will accept the Youre On Acid answer youre trying your best#and then with THIS movie evidently charles is having. the worst time upstairs#but he's still super sweet with laura like oh stop you grandpa im gonna throw up#and to STRESS. they were EVIL about that wholesome dinner bit like :((( oh to see the fam happy and safe again :(((#like im throwing up frankly. people were right this movie IS sad i underestimated their assessment 😭#to lighten the mood in my heart. charles really do be an old man in this movie hes such a menace to logan JELKAK#god. Most Normal X-Men Movie Watcher Focuses On Professor X During The Movie About Logan VEJLKJA#ok im done. sorry i just keep replayin that bit in my head where theyre in the car and logans just 'Did You Take Your Meds SHOW'#like pelase. jaeRLKEaj ok im gonna try drawing i looked at my wall long enough and i think i can draw something
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believe it or not, i was going to make some with other characters but i have a favourite i am so sorry
#gus grav#bakugan#bakugan new vestroia#i saw the tweet in the first one a few months ago and it reminded me of gus so hard it restarted my hyperfixation#id tag the others but i would rather die than tag z*noheld#i can be serious. i just choose not to.#i also think im really really funny#i hate when ppl ask me my favourite character cuz i have to lie and say its someone normal and well known#and not gus#but i assure u. gus grav. is my favourite character ever. of all time. i think hes very interesting. no one is as big a fan of him as i am.#that will never change#anyway i think these are all accurate enough and if they're not. who cares. its for the funny.#im trying to get as much content done as possible before eventually the anxiety and self doubt take over and i disappear again
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shaking kurt by the shoulders
#i wanna write i wanna write i wanna#i have muse i have muse for everyone i write i wanna write i have desire to write i have motivation to write#there is just a. there is a wall#i think theres. i think its been so long since i really wrote and was active here that it feels.#i feel like i need to revamp restart redo it all#but at the same time. i cant. its#theres a very#i revamped a lot in the past and i dont wanna be like that again#but also i jsut. i do not have the time to#i used to spend like 10 hours a day on revamps and graphics and shit#and these days sometimes making a silly little shitpost on mobile takes all the energy i have#im trying bc this is a very important hobby to me and i dont wanna lose it#people whove been around know i tend to fade a lot during like. september-november bc that used to be exam season#ive never had a start of year slump tho. idk maybe its bc i didnt have uni so my brains delayed the slump#but im still working every day doing more than i ever did in uni so#idk who knows who cares gonna go watch a silly little movie and get over myself a bit lmao its not that serious
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Finished the ending of Sissel's route of the Repeat visual novel, and it was exactly what I wanted it to be, no notes, perfect
#it made me laugh#it made me cry#it made me hug my plushies#when I started playing the new update I saw it going one of two ways#then while playing I realized it could probably do both#and that it did#at least as close to doing both as you could reasonably get#and yeah I think that's perfect because just one or the other wouldn't have been satisfying#I'm trying to be as vague as possible to avoid spoilers lol#seriously tho the VN is great and I really recommend it#can't wait for the other routes#though I'm probably gonna have to because I'm pretty sure Shirokoi is gonna go back to working on Temptation's Ballad for a while#taking a break from Repeat#but that's good with me#because if I need a refresher by the time I'll try the next route#that just means I get to play the whole thing again instead of just restarting from where the paths split#and I'm sure I'll pick up on some things I haven't before with some new context
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ghost x fem!reader
simon finds a reason to live // stalking, depression, disassociation, simons past child abuse, body horror imagery, you're a single mom, minor sexism-kindaish
Simon's humanity is an external thing, amorphous and disconnected. He might've had a tether as a child, a distinct human softness necessary for survival, but it's since been deadened.
It's not so much a lack as it is a shrinkage. Empathy, emotional intelligence, they come natural at first but terrorize someone, neglect them? They'll turn black and rot as any limb without oxygen.
His father is long dead, he knows this, has read the obituary (full of lies) and pissed on his grave (twice).
And yet his father has the power to strike lightening through the only soft part of him left on any given day, at any given time, at any given place–
His father lives in the way that his heart nearly stops at the shop when the child beside him knocks down a full display of four cheese tomato sauce, glass and red slop crashing to the floor.
Run.
He freezes but his eyes snap to the sound, startlingly loud, mind racing and yet thinking of nothing at all as he feels the fear of god race through him.
Dad's gonna fucking kill you, Tommy laughs raucously.
Simon's never really blamed Tommy, but his voice echoes in his head sometimes too. It does again now, dad's got two tickets for the weekend.
The child takes two steps back, shocked at themselves and the mess and the loud loud sound that has quieted the rest of the store.
He thinks of all the ways he'll step in when the father rounds the corner. Then it's you and his breath goes thin.
"Awe, honey," you say softly. Kindly.
"Oops," the kid says, not a trace of fear in their face.
"Did'ja knock these over, Bram?" you crouch down, careful of the glass, and gently move the boy to the side, "that's okay. Do you remember what we do when we break a glass?"
Simon is still frozen– dumfounded, really. Your patience throws him off.
Fucking moron, his father screams in his head, useless! before he hurts Simon so bad the memory loops and loops, restarting just to torture him.
Fucking moron, fucking moron, useless, fucking moron–
And then you smile sheepishly up at him, eyes crinkling in the corners, and that soft human part of him eternally drifting sticks back to his skin and spreads like a rash.
They don't make you pay for any of the jars, nor do they make you clean up the mess. Still, you crouch again beside your son and explain to him again what to do when he breaks a glass.
Make sure you have shoes on. Don't use your bare hands. Call a grownup.
He's addicted to the sound of your voice. The softness of it, how gently you make sure to speak so that the message is taken in without any kind of fear.
Simon follows your car like the sound of your voice is the warm smell of pie on the windowsill and he's Mickey Mouse floating after it.
Awe, honey, loops through his head. Awe, honey. Awe, honey.
He doesn't make himself known just yet. All he does is note down your address for the next time he's on leave, tells John he's met someone and she's a sweetheart.
When he's back on leave he watches you struggle, and it tears at the new growth of softness.
You work, dropping Bram at school and then spending the day at the office. Then, when Bram is asleep and you've cleaned the house, you open your laptop back up and work a second job.
That just won't do. It takes everything in him not to kick your door down at the weak spot and have you whisper in his ear for a living.
Not yet. Not yet. He tries to loop that, but all he can hear is your sweet voice pleading with the electricity company and it becomes harder and harder.
Please, you say through the bug, I just need four more days. Then I get my paycheck.
Simon thinks about putting his hands around the answering voice's neck when they deny you–
But that's a bandaid solution.
It'll be better to eliminate the problem altogether.
Not the piling bills on your kitchen table that you tuck away when the child goes to school, nor the boss who shouts at you 'til he's red in the face.
No, he'll eliminate the real problem. The way he's seen John do, the way he's seen Gaz take example.
He'll be the man in your life, soon.
#this is... idk honestly#ghost x reader#ghost/reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley/reader#also now addicted to () these instead of - - these for sidebar thoughts#drgnfly writes#my take on the most popular simon trope#ocd in his head
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Hello love!! Im obsessed with your writing and was stoked to see your requests open🧡!
I love oblivious reader and was thinking poly!marauders x oblivious! reader who sees all their friends pairing off and establishing their careers and feels stuck in a rut. Like theyre in the same place they were last year, and doesn't realize theyre living in domestic bliss with the marauders (like they thought theyve been dating and reader is like what? we dont just kiss platonically?)
hi darling! thankyou for requesting! I loved this request. <3
poly!marauders x reader who kiss, but like... platonically right? ✩ 1.3k words
cw: oblivious reader, fluff, established-ish relationship
"Do you guys think it’s weird?" you ask quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. You're stretched out across the boys’ sofa, legs resting comfortably over Remus and Sirius' laps, while James sits on the floor in front of you, his gaze fixed on your face.
"Think what’s weird, angel?" James responds, a slight tilt of his head, his eyes soft with curiosity as he meets your gaze.
"That I'm always either at home or here," you say, your shoulders lifting in a nonchalant shrug, though there's a hint of vulnerability in your tone.
"Why would that be weird, poppet?" Sirius chimes in, his hand lazily settling on your shin, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb.
"Well… everyone else seems to have found their person or whatever," you mumble, trailing off. "And I’m just…"
The three of them exchange glances, their confusion palpable. But Remus looks the most puzzled. His brow furrows deeply, creating a crease on his forehead, and his lips pull down into a small frown. He studies you intently, like he’s trying to piece together a puzzle that doesn’t quite fit.
"Right…" Remus says slowly, his voice soft but laced with concern. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"
You sigh, sinking further into the cushions, the weight of your thoughts pulling you down. "I don’t know. I was just thinking about how Lily and Mary finally moved in together…" Your voice drifts off as you glance down at your hands, suddenly feeling small. "And then there’s me, sitting alone in my flat all the time."
Sirius lets out a soft chuckle, his tone playful, though there's an underlying warmth. "So, you want to move in, doll? You only had to ask."
Your heart leaps into your throat, panic creeping in as you sit up straight, jostling Remus in the process. You flash him an apologetic smile, before quickly turning to Sirius, your words tumbling out in a rush.
"No, of course not!" you say, horrified by the thought. "I don’t want to be in the way of your relationship any more than I already am."
In an instant, all three of them are sitting up straighter, confusion deepening on their faces. James’ mouth moves as if he's searching for the right words, Sirius starts fidgeting in his seat, and Remus just stares at you, his gaze blank.
“What?” he asks quietly, almost as if he’s afraid he’s misheard.
A thick knot of unease settles in your chest, and for a moment, it feels as though you’ve somehow messed up—though you’re sure you haven’t.
"Well, you guys are all in a relationship, and I just... I just show up to hang out. A lot," you mutter, wringing your hands to calm yourself. "And I’m sure–"
You're cut off by a loud bark of laughter from Sirius, as though you've said something absurdly funny. The other two stare at him, clearly baffled. It takes him a while to compose himself, restarting his sentence several times before bursts of giggles cut him off again.
"Babe," he snorts, wiping a tear from his eye, "I kiss you—we all kiss you. On the mouth. Regularly." he deadpans, eyes glinting mischievously.
"Yeah, but that’s like, as friends," you say, rolling your eyes. "It's not the same."
"Not the same?" James repeats, his voice low and full of disbelief, though there's a teasing edge to it. "Angel, we’ve been kissing you like this for how long now? And you really think it’s just... friendly?"
You blink, looking between the three of them, suddenly feeling like you’re the last person to catch on to an inside joke you’re apparently the punchline of. "Well, yeah?" you say, confusion painting your face. "It’s just... platonic. Friends kiss each other, right?"
The room falls into a stunned silence. Remus’s mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, Sirius is now grinning so wide it’s practically wicked, and James is rubbing the back of his neck as if he's trying to figure out how to explain the last year of your life to you in a way that won’t make him burst into laughter.
"Platonic?" Sirius says finally, voice laced with amusement, though his gaze softens, like he’s trying to gently break it to you. "You really think we’ve been... doing all this just as friends?"
You glance down at your lap, suddenly feeling more awkward than you ever thought possible, and bite your lip. "I mean, yeah. You guys are all... dating each other, and I don’t want to make it weird, okay?" You wave your hand in the air, as if trying to erase the thought of them being anything more than just your affectionate friends.
At this, all three of them exchange another glance, a mix of bewilderment and something else. It’s like a weird kind of realization slowly dawns on them. Remus’s lips curl into a tiny, tender smile, while James looks like he's about to say something but holds back, probably knowing it’s going to be too much for you to handle all at once.
Finally, Remus speaks, his voice quiet and steady. “Dovey, we’ve been under the impression that we're all dating each other.” you nod to agree before he continues. “Including you.”
You blink. "What?"
The room falls into a quiet, heavy stillness. Remus’s words hang in the air like an impossible puzzle, pieces tumbling through your brain, but none of them quite fitting.
Sirius, who had been watching you closely, tilts his head in a way that’s almost endearing, like he’s waiting for you to finally catch up. "We’ve been dating you for months, sweetheart. Not just, like, the three of us. All of us. You included."
Oh.
“Oh.” you look down at your hands in your lap, trying your best to process exactly what's going on. The boys, to their credit, give you a minute to process all of it. Then, Remus’ hand comes into your line of vision moving to hold one of your hands.
“Is that something you're comfortable with?” he asks, his voice calm and steady.
The response bursts from your lips before you can even think. “Y-yes, of course it is.” You stumble over your words, the nervousness catching you off guard.
James' grin widens, his gaze softening. He reaches up, his fingers brushing the side of your face as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, the touch gentle and affectionate. “Good,” he murmurs, his voice low and warm, wrapping around you like a blanket.
Unable to resist, Sirius pulls you into a playful kiss on the cheek, his lips lingering for a moment longer than necessary. You let out a soft laugh, the weight in your chest lifting as the tension melts away.
“We’ll be clearer from now on, hmm?” Remus hums, his thumb tracing a soothing path along the back of your hand. He leans down to press a tender kiss to your forehead, the gesture grounding you in the warmth of the moment.
Sirius tilts your chin up with a gentle finger, capturing your lips in a quick yet deeply tender kiss. He pulls back slightly, his gaze teasing as he presses a few more kisses to your lips. “Just making sure,” he says with a grin, his tone lighthearted but laced with affection. “Not platonic, not friendly.” He lets the words settle between you, making you laugh despite the fluttering in your chest.
“I think I’m starting to understand now,” you whisper, your voice barely audible as you lean into the warmth of their affection, a contented smile tugging at your lips.
#flo'sfics#marauders au#marauders fics#marauders era#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders x y/n#poly!marauders fanfiction#poly!marauders#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders fluff#poly!marauders drabble#james potter x reader#remus lupin x reader#sirius black x reader#remus lupin#james potter#sirius black
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angry post

i have a personal problem with this kind of attitude. it's not a petty thing i am unreasonably angry about. there is a politics of translation and it affects one's understanding of art and popular culture/cultural geopolitics.
yes, tbhx has an unprecedented world wide release for a donghua/Chinese media and it's vital for its popularity, especially among transnational fandom spaces. Transcreated works are important for easier access. BUT, my gripe with the Japanese dub of a Chinese media WILL never be resolved. I am not talking about the quality, the issue lies in the very creation of the Japanese dub of a donghua itself. Let me give you an example.
Last year, we had an optional course called translation studies and one of the first things our professor asked was : who are the writers of A Doll's House and Waiting for Godot? He told those few of us who had read these texts closely to shut our mouth and let others take a guess. Most people answered : British writers. The texts are English texts. Because it's so famous among literature enthusiasts and when a piece of literature has a 'classic' tag attached to it, we tend to generalize and oversimplify it. So, a Norwegian playwright's original Norwegian play or an Irish playwright's play originally written in French- both get labelled as British literature. Get my point?
The anime industry is justifiably dominated by Japanese productions but when we forget to accommodate the nuances, the origin culture decays. It is, in many senses, a form of subtle cultural imperialism brought by ignorance.
People complain about Link Click's 'poor marketing' but I think Haolin was clever doing so. Even in the reviews by Indian anime bros™ I see them trying to pronounce 'donghua'. People RECOGNIZE that Link Click is a Chinese media, it's NOT an anime. You may laugh at those link click related youtube video titles saying stuff like : China is taking over anime, this Chinese anime is better than your favourite anime, PEAK Chinese anime, the best anime of 2021 is NOT Japanese?!, Link Click is taking over anime, China's hidden gem, China might have created the best anime of the year- CHINA IS IMPORTANT.
Whenever people talk about Chinese donghua- Link Click, Heaven Official's Blessing, Master of Diabolism etc are mentioned and people KNOW that it looks like anime but not really anime. It's... something... something else. This distinction is critical and essential.
Now, thanks to censorship (the Chinese version is not available on any official platform), many people think (not all people dig that deep while watching things, like come on) Spiritpact is a JAPANESE anime. Who the heck is Tanmouki or whatever. They are are Duanmu Xi and Yang Jinghua.
Reading up to this part if you think I am a Japanese anime hater then...*sighs*. Please read the whole thing again.
I like the Japanese dub of Link Click but there was a c*** in the comments who said "uwu it's not in japanese so I won't watch it" b**** doesn't even understand Japanese. B just wants an 'authentic Japanese anime experience.'
I feared that tbhx would face this issue.
And if you find those people who go : Ahhh, Japanese or Chinese- same thing, even their script look similar- fuck you, fuck you, you loser-fuckrr sinophobe i hope your phone battery dies your charger malfunctions your phone your laptop restarts with all data erased I hope you reek of wet socks and your taste sand all the time fuck you
#translation#politics of translation#Chinese media#donghua#sinophobia#link click#shiguang daili ren#时光代理人#tbhx#to be hero x#angry rant#rant post
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Batfam and Danny, Part 22
Bruce and Selina walked into Wayne Manor
Selina: Tonight was nice Bruce.
Bruce: Glad you liked it.
Selina (running her hand down Bruce's chest): You know, I don't have any plans for tomorrow, I could stay the night.
Bruce: Sure thing, would you like a guest room or share my room?
Selina: I think you know that answer to that.
They kiss.
Jason: You're home late.
Bruce (after restarting his heart): Jason! You almost gave me a heart attack.
Damian: It is late father, and now you bring home your partner? If you two are to share a bed, please take the necessary precautions. Personally I see no reason to have an additional sibling.
Bruce (embarrassed): Damian!
Dick: Damian has a point isn't seven children enough for you?
Tim: Honestly, I don't know how much more Alfred can take.
Steph: Poor Alfred.
Cass (signing): We're looking out for Alfred.
Duke: We'll always look out for Alfred.
Selina (laughing): Well it looks like your kids object, I'll use a guest room.
Bruce: No, this is my house, and I'll do whatever I want.
Danny: That's what he said.
Bruce: Danny...
Selina: Danny!? Oh my, hi! It's so nice to meet you. Sorry for not coming by sooner, I've been off-world for a while doing- She looks at Bruce. Stuff that was 100% legal, and only came back last night.
Danny: It's nice to meet you too, can I call you grandma?
Bruce starts choking
Jason: Hmm, well we all do call Selina "mom" once in a while.
Damian: Well I call her Ms. Selina, I have a mother, but yes she is a good maternal figure, even if dad is too much of a coward to propose marriage.
Dick: Truer worlds have never been spoken.
Duke: Especially given this will they, won't they, is a more of a what don't they.
Selina (laughing): I like my relationship with your father as it is, though I won't be opposed to getting married some day. As for your question Danny, you may call me grandma.
Bruce (who currently wants to melt from embarrassment): Selina let's go, besides the children are up well pass their bedtime.
Batkids: Boo.
Bruce: Don't make me get Alfred.
Batkids: Bed, got it!
The kids disperse to their rooms.
Bruce: I'm so sorry about that.
Selina: Are you kidding? I love those kids, plus I'm a grandma now. And really, bedtime? Dick is 25, Jason is only here half the time, Cass is your second youngest and she's 19, I understand Damian given he's only 12, but I don't think you have jurisdiction over Danny's bedtime.
Bruce: My house my rules.
Selina: Fair enough. Selina placed her hand on Bruce's cheek. Now, where were we?
Bruce (resting his head on Selina's hand): I believe we were heading to my room.
Selina: Lead the way then.
(Master Post)
#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp crossover#dc x dp#selina kyle#dp x dc#catwoman#bruce wayne#batman#bruce x selina#jason todd#red hood#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian wayne al ghul#robin#dick grayson#nightwing#tim drake#red robin#stephenie brown#james potter#spoiler#cassandra cain#orphan#duke thomas#signal#danny fenton#danny phantom
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that’s so true
word count - 8.3k
pairing - paige bueckers x azzi fudd
c/w - language, toxic p/toxic relationship (situationship) (kinda toxic a too)? i guess you could call it angst? but it’s very unserious bc i’ve been doing too much serious stuff. fluff and happy ending. very dialogue heavy
a/n - i don’t usually like to incorporate music into my fics but the anon who gave this prompt specifically recommended it so i hope i did it justice! also, this takes place azzi’s freshman year so like 2021/2022, and i know this song didn’t exist then but this is fiction so i can do what i want 😛. hope yall enjoy!!!
They only have five minutes before they’re supposed to leave with everybody else to Ted’s. Unfortunately for Azzi, Paige Bueckers is very hot and also very much on top of her, and both of these things coincide to create quite the predicament: they can’t stop kissing.
It’s normal for them, lately. Kissing is easier than talking, considering talking has gotten harder since they started—whatever this is. Or maybe restarted is a better word, considering they did this same thing in high school. But back then, the kissing was a little clumsier, often fast and desperate, whereas now they’re older, mature (yeah, right) and they take their time with these things, often just making out for hours before they move on to other things, relishing in not having to worry about either of their parents or siblings barging in on them like they used to.
There’s also another difference—back then, they were dating. Like, introducing each other as their girlfriends, going on dates, holding-hands-in-public dating.
That’s different because today—and for the past six months—they’ve been decidedly not dating.
“We don’t need distractions,” Paige had said after they’d fucked, only a month after Azzi came to UConn. (They had both agreed to stay just friends—best friends—but nothing more. But then they had to live in the same building and watch each other get all hot and sweaty at practice and see each other in skimpy pajamas and who were they to blame, really, when they fucked in that club bathroom one heated but sober night? They had spent a year broken up, a year of being long-distance besties, FaceTiming and texting and posting each other on socials with captions like “happy birthday i miss you” and “come see me”. It honestly would’ve been wrong for them to not fuck.)
“Mm—Paige, wait,” Azzi whispers when they finally separate for air.
“What’s up,” Paige says, eyes roving over every inch of Azzi’s face. Her voice is a little raspy from lack of use and it does things to Azzi’s tummy.
“I—you don’t—we need to go,” Azzi urges, pushing at Paige’s shoulders. Paige, of course, just smiles at that, pressing her knee up in between Azzi’s legs. It’s really not her fault when she gasps a little.
Paige chuckles, leaning down to kiss her forehead, then between her eyebrows. “Do we?” she mumbles, pecking the tip of Azzi’s nose and the corner of her mouth. “Like, do we really?”
“Yes, Paige, we do.” Azzi moves one of her hands down to Paige’s occupied thigh, trying desperately to separate the toned muscle from her aching core. “C’mon, it’ll be fun.”
“Definitely not as much fun as this is.”
“Well, we can continue later, when we get home.” That gets Paige to move her knee back, offering Azzi both relief and leaving an ache between her legs. She does her best to flash a sultry smile. “It’s a weekend. We can stay up all night if we want.”
Paige looks at her skeptically. “I thought you were stayin’ sober?”
Azzi moves her head back and forth. “Might not.”
“For real?”
“Uh-huh.” Azzi winds her arms around Paige’s shoulders, then scratches a little roughly down the length of her back, something Paige has always been into. It works, Paige’s jaw dropping just enough to show the pink of her tongue. “I want it, too, P. We just can’t ditch the team again. I think they already suspect us.”
“What?” Paige makes a face and scoffs. “Nah, we’re sneaky.”
“You called me babe in front of everyone at practice.”
“That’s a friend thing.” Paige waggles her eyebrows and plants a kiss on her lips, as if to prove just how friendly they are.
“Nika saw you basically groping me the other day, too.”
“I never did that.”
“My apartment, the kitchen. Movie night. I was making popcorn and you came up behind me and grabbed my tits.”
“Hm. Don’t remember that.”
“You said ‘I wanna fuck you from behind right now,’ and poor Nika walked in and stared at us and said, ‘This doesn’t look like you’re making popcorn’.”
Paige groans, dropping her head into Azzi’s shoulder and effectively laying the entire length of her body on Azzi’s. “I did wanna fuck you from behind. You were wearing those jeans…”
“Paige!”
“Okay, whatever.” Paige is a little muffled now, buried in the crook of Azzi’s neck. Her breath tingles, sending hot shivers up the length of her arm. “I do that to everyone, Nika won’t think anything of it.”
“Oh, really,” Azzi says, tone dropping into something utterly unamused, and Paige’s head pops up when she hears it. “So you say things like that to every bitch?”
Paige’s eyes widen. “No!” she grapples for something to say, and Azzi just raises an eyebrow at her. “I don’t—I meant—I just didn’t wanna admit you’re right, I wasn’t—baby.” Paige juts out her bottom lip. It kinda works. “You know I wasn’t thinkin’.”
This is another interesting thing about their current situation: because they’re not dating, they’ve never discussed where they stand in terms of other people. Sure, at the very beginning, they agreed since it was just casual sex, there was no reason for them to be exclusive. They didn’t want to get anywhere near that line of the all-consuming, intense relationship they had in high school, and they figured seeing other people—or at least having the option to do so—would steer them clear of that. And it worked for about…two seconds.
But then somewhere down the line things got a little blurry and slowly but surely Azzi stopped thinking of them as friends with benefits and as more of a slightly complicated but also fun situationship. Because at some point they started kissing without the goal of sex or even third base, just little pecks here and there when they had a second alone. And then they started staying a little longer each time after they’d fuck—at first, they’d leave directly after. But then they would stay for some basic aftercare, and then it got to full-on snuggling, and then it got to their clothes in each other’s apartments from how often they’d stay the night with each other. And the most recent development which really cemented things for Azzi: Paige has started using pet names outside the bedroom, something she only ever did while they were girlfriends. It’s only been a few weeks since this started and Azzi was absolutely floored when Paige had picked up her phone call with a, “Hey, baby.”
And now here they are, late for yet another night out because Paige is very clearly scandalized at the mere notion of her seeing another girl—even though it’s supposed to be allowed—and Azzi has to be honest, she doesn’t love the idea, either.
“Aw, c’mon,” Paige says when Azzi doesn’t reply. “Don’t be mad at me, mama.”
Azzi blinks up at her, officially not jealous and not overthinking about their complicated situation any longer. “You’re stupid,” she teases, scooting back and sitting up.
Paige follows closely, so that by the time Azzi is propped up against the headboard she’s on her lap. “You’re really stopping us?” she asks.
“We’re already late, I’m sure everybody left without us,” Azzi says, tapping Paige encouragingly on the hip, “so yes.”
Paige doesn’t yet move and doesn’t look like she’s going to until a sharp knock at the door makes both of them jolt. “Hey!” It’s Aaliyah’s voice. “Y’all cannot be taking this long to get ready.”
“I don’t…we just…” Azzi stammers as Paige scrambles off her, and they both get quickly to their feet, making as little noise as possible, “our hair wasn’t cooperating,” she says, reaching up to fix Paige’s tousled hair. “We’ll be right out!”
“You better be, we’re all waiting outside and it’s fucking cold.”
“Coming!” Azzi calls, letting Paige wipe some of her smudged lip gloss, rolling her eyes when Paige smirks at her and says, “Oh, you will be.”
She has no idea what Paige Bueckers is to her, but an annoyance will always take the top spot.
————————————————
When Azzi had claimed she’d stay sober with the other freshmen, she hadn’t accounted for the fact that she has a best friend who loves to party and who loves peer pressuring even more.
“C’mon, just a few shots,” Paige pouts, leaning in too close to her. Azzi glances around the bar, trying to see if anybody is watching them, but she can’t tell. There’s too many people.
“Nobody can hear us,” Paige assures her, placing her hands low on Azzi’s hips, pressing her into the wall of the corner they’re semi-hidden in.
Azzi swears this girl is horrible for her blood pressure. “Paige,” she hisses, removing Paige’s hands, “not here.”
“You shoulda let us stay home,” Paige says, and now that her hands are placed firmly at her sides her eyes do all the wandering for them, raking slowly down Azzi’s body and back up. “I woulda had you fucked out by now, I swear.”
“Oh, I believe you,” Azzi mumbles.
“You seem anxious, baby.” Bravely, Paige holds her again, though this time it’s at a more friendly place, higher up on her waist. Azzi tries to meet her eyes but they’re held firmly on her lips. “Fuck. I wanna kiss you so bad.”
“No, Paige,” Azzi says, as sternly as possible. She would rather like to kiss her too, but not here, not now, not when Paige is tipsy and Azzi is horrendously sober.
“Okay, I’ma go get me another dirty shirley.” Azzi swears she would marry that drink if she could. “And I’ma grab a couple shots for you while I’m at it. And then we’re gonna fuck in the bathroom.”
Azzi smacks Paige on the arm. “I’m done with public restrooms. Once was enough.”
Paige, still sober enough to have some sort of common sense, wrinkles her nose. “Yeah, you’re right. But I’m still grabbing shots.” She smacks a wet kiss onto her forehead and with that, turns around to head toward the bar.
Azzi doesn’t get a second of peace before someone else is sidling up to her. Though when she looks over she sighs with relief when it’s just Caroline. “Hey, Carol.”
“You’re so lucky you have a girlfriend who’ll buy you shots,” Caroline says, looking wistfully in Paige’s direction.
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
Caroline side-eyes her. “Uh-huh.”
“She’s not. We broke up.”
“And then got back together.”
Azzi shoves her away before pulling her back, linking their arms together as she leads them towards their team’s section of seats. “Nope. We’re still exes.”
“Exes who are romantically involved.”
“Carol,” Azzi groans, urging her to shut up as they approach the rest of the girls. “We’re just friends.”
It used to leave a bitter taste in her mouth, lying to her closest friend, the one whose shoulder she cried on when she and Paige broke up. But after six months of doing it, she’s used to it. And it’s not like Caroline believes her, anyway.
“Okay,” Caroline says skeptically. “So if the guy that’s been looking at you since we got here asked for your number, you’d give it to him?”
They’re at the team’s booth now, and Amari perks up at the mention of the slightest possibility of drama. “What guy?”
“I haven’t noticed a guy,” Azzi says, which is the truth. As it usually goes, she’s only had eyes for Paige tonight.
“Over there,” Carol says, leaning against the table and gesturing subtly across the bar. “Muscle shirt.”
“Immediately no,” Azzi replies, not even looking for him in the group of guys across the room. But he must be actively searching her out because just as she’s about to look away she catches his eye, and even though she immediately looks away, she can still see him grin out of the corner of her eye.
“Uh-oh,” Amari mutters. “You engaged him.”
“Don’t make eye contact,” Azzi says, turning away from him to face her friends. “Make yourself unapproachable.”
Caroline turns away, too, and the two of them lean over the table.
Aaliyah looks up from the conversation she was having. “What’re you guys doing?”
“Hiding,” Azzi hisses.
Amari peeks around Azzi’s shoulder, then settles back in her seat. “He’s coming over.”
“What?” Azzi wants to look at him but doesn’t, instead inching herself closer to Caroline. “Save me.”
“Who is that?” Aaliyah asks, not-so-subtly staring at the guy.
“A man about to flirt with Azzi,” Caroline says, nudging her away.
“Oh, Paige is gonna be maddd,” Aaliyah sing-songs, and they all giggle like this is funny and not absolutely awkward and stress-inducing.
Azzi glares at them. “She has no reason to be mad.” And it’s true, she kind of doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean she won’t.
“Oh, yeah?” Caroline asks, glancing behind them just as Azzi feels the man come up behind her. “We’ll see about that.”
And then there’s a tap on her shoulder, and Azzi takes a deep breath before turning around with a strained smile on her face.
“Hey.” Muscle shirt is standing a little too close for comfort, which she’s sure he’ll excuse by the crowded bar but is obviously just him being weird. “You’re Azzi, right?”
“Uh-huh,” Azzi says, leaning back against the table.
“I’ve seen you around,” he continues, smiling cockily, obviously very proud of himself for being brave enough to approach her. “You come here a lot, right? To Ted’s?”
Azzi shrugs, looking casually to her side in the hopes that Caroline will rescue her, but to her astonishment she has slid into the booth next to Aaliyah and is now chatting happily with the rest of the team. “I guess.”
“Noticed you weren’t with Bueckers,” he says, and she winces. Not five sentences into the conversation and he’s already brought up her current situationship. “Thought it was a good opening.” He laughs. She doesn’t.
“How so?” she asks, a little nervously.
“I mean, she obviously doesn’t want anybody coming near you.” A girl squeezes past behind him and he takes it as an excuse to inch even closer to her. Azzi presses herself further back into the table. “Can’t even look your way without her looking like she’s gonna fight someone.”
“She’s just protective,” Azzi says. As if Paige would do that for any of their friends, as if that level of pure possessiveness is normal.
“Right.” He doesn’t sound fully convinced. “You didn’t ask my name.”
God. Why are men so…gross? “My bad.” He stares at her expectantly. “Uh…so…?”
“I’m Elliot,” he says, grinning at her. That muscle shirt is really not doing good things for him. “You want me to buy you a drink?”
“Um, actually—“
“She’s good.”
Azzi’s shoulders sag at the mere sound of Paige’s voice. She can’t help but smile when Paige approaches them, moving roughly past Elliot to sidle up next to her. She hands her two brightly colored shots before slinging an arm around her, firmly ignoring Elliot. “Gotchu these. Lemme know if you don’t like ‘em.”
Azzi nods, and usually she’d shy away from the physical contact, especially right in front of their friends, but now she leans into it, safe under Paige’s arm. “Thanks.”
“Sorry I took so long.” As if sensing her discomfort—which she probably can—she rubs her thumb soothingly over her shoulder. “They’re super busy up there. You okay?”
Azzi opens her mouth to respond, but Elliot interrupts her. “She’s fine, dude. We’re just talking.”
Paige looks at him. “Aight. Well, you can be done talking now.”
Their teammates have gone mostly quiet behind them, and Azzi rolls her eyes when she hears them snickering.
Elliot scoffs, but he’s skinny and a little shorter than Paige, and when her arm tightens around Azzi’s shoulder he puts his hands up. “Damn, okay.”
Azzi breathes a sigh of relief when he’s gone. “Thank god. That was so awkward.”
“You shoulda called me,” Paige says, dropping her arm to turn around and face their teammates. “And y’all shoulda helped her out.”
The girls look up at them innocently. Amari smiles charmingly at Paige and says, “We knew you were gonna do it soon enough.”
Azzi shakes her head and downs one of the shots. It is as disgusting as it looks.
“You guys suck,” Paige says, pulling Azzi into her side once again. “Leaving my girl in the trenches like that.”
Dozens of eyebrows raise at that, and it’s then that Azzi smells the booze on Paige’s breath. She flushes, trying to pull away. “P,” she mutters.
“I know,” Paige says, holding fast to Azzi’s waist, setting her shirley on the table so she can wrap the other around her, too.
“Paige,” Azzi urges, pressed completely now into Paige’s chest and trying desperately to ignore the scrutinizing looks from her teammates. She hopes they’re all too drunk to think hard about Paige’s behavior.
“Yeah,” Paige says, her hand creeping slowly down Azzi’s back.
“Did you have another drink?” Azzi asks, trying to walk them away from the booth, but Paige keeps her feet planted.
“I might’ve had another shot.” Paige grins, and Azzi would easily admit she likes it a lot more than muscle shirt’s. “Missed you, baby.”
The girls are pretending not to eavesdrop, but they’re clearly listening, sharing furtive glances with each other. Which is just—great. Because tomorrow the girls are going to have questions and Paige will be sober enough for that to stress her out, which will in turn stress Azzi out, and there will be no saving face if she lets Paige continue on like this.
“Not now, Paige,” she hisses, trying desperately to push her back.
Paige pouts. Their faces are far too close together. “What, you wanna go back to that guy or sum’?”
Azzi knows she’s not serious, but it still annoys her, and she doesn’t feel quite as comforted in Paige’s arms anymore. “Seriously, I’m not in the mood.”
Paige scoffs, maybe a little more serious now. “Course you aren’t.”
Azzi blinks at her, and when Paige’s hands drop to her sides she takes a step back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I dunno.” Paige gestured between them. “Just that you never wanna be around me unless we’re fu—“
Azzi’s overstimulated and irritated, but she still has enough common sense to shove Paige hard enough to shut her up. “Don’t.”
Paige watches as Azzi drinks her other shot. “What? You really don’t want anybody to know, huh? You that embarrassed or something?”
Azzi shakes her head in disbelief, stepping back towards Paige so they can at least have this conversation too quiet for anybody to hear. “Are you dumb? You’re the one who wanted to keep this secret.”
“Because I didn’t want my teammates thinking I was distracted!”
“Our teammates, Paige.” Azzi gives her another little shove for good measure, and then she steps away again. “You’re acting stupid. Go chill out and come back when you wanna be normal.”
“Fine. I will.” With that, she turns on her heel and disappears into the crowd. Azzi rolls her eyes at her hot-headedness. They’re both too stubborn for their own good, but Paige is ten times worse when she’s drunk and Azzi has always been more logical. Little, senseless arguments like this never happened when they were dating—or even when they were broken up—but now that they’re at this weird in-between, they’re becoming more frequent.
Hence why they prefer to kiss instead of talk.
Azzi plops down beside Amari, grateful when nobody questions her, and feels a little better when she thinks about how good the make-up sex will be later.
—————————————
There will be no make-up sex tonight. Or ever, Azzi thinks bitterly, glaring daggers at the girl Paige is currently feeling up.
Okay, feeling up might be an overstatement. She has a hand on her arm. But Azzi knows better than anyone that for Paige, hand-on-arm action might as well be foreplay. And the girl seems to sense it, too, if her batting eyelashes and twinkling smile have anything to show for it.
“She’s just doing it to make you jealous.” Once again, it’s Caroline, sidling up next to Azzi to study the tall blonde across the bar.
“I have no reason to be jealous,” Azzi all but spits out, and Caroline smirks.
“Pretend all you want, Az. But it’s impossible to not see what’s going on with you and her.”
“There’s nothing.” Paige’s fingers trail down the length of the girl’s arm and it’s almost like Azzi can feel it, too.
“Are you guys exclusive?”
“No,” Azzi responds immediately, too tipsy to be thinking straight, and when Caroline smiles proudly to herself, she backtracks. “I mean, obviously not. We’re not anything.”
“Well, if you’re not exclusive, she’s not doing anything wrong.”
Azzi hates this bitter reminder and turns her anger onto her best friend. “Shut up, Carol.”
“You two should probably talk about not seeing other people,” Caroline says, as wise and perceptive as ever. (She is also significantly more sober than Azzi is.)
“She can see whoever she wants,” Azzi seethes, stirring the ice in her drink. “I don’t care.”
Paige’s eyes flit from the girl’s face to Azzi. And then, with a little smirk, she leans in to whisper something in her ear, blue eyes never leaving brown as the girl giggles and grabs onto her arm. She smiles, too, and Azzi takes some satisfaction in the fact the girl has no idea she’s not the one Paige is doing this for.
She’s always been good at putting up a show. And Azzi has always been her captive audience.
Not tonight, Azzi decides as she looks firmly away. It’s about time Paige learns to behave herself.
—————————————-
It’s been a long night of drinking and trying not to watch Paige attach herself to this random girl’s hip when Azzi is approached by none other than random girl herself.
She’s gorgeous up close, but Azzi can’t help but notice her brown curls and crescent dimples, the way they’re the exact same height. It nearly makes her laugh.
“Hey,” the girl says, dropping into the bar seat next to Azzi.
“Uh,” Azzi says, vey tipsy and very irate. “Hey.”
“What’s that? It looks so good,” the girl asks, pointing to her drink. Her voice is soft and kind, nothing malicious gleaming in her eyes. Azzi hates it.
“Just a mango daiquiri,” Azzi responds, kind of unable to be snarky about it with the wide-eyed way the girl is looking at her.
“Oh, fancy! I’m definitely gonna cop that.” She smiles conspiratorially at her. Azzi can’t help but smile back. Okay, now she just kind of hates herself. She’s never been one to be rude to girls she’s jealous of. Especially not harmless, sweet ones.
“It’s so good,” she’s saying before she can help it. “And they come in all different flavors so there’s like, endless possibilities.”
“Stop,” the girl gasps.
“I know!” and then they both giggle like the tipsy college students they are. This is possibly even better than hating her, because it’s almost like a smack in the face: look at me, Paige, being the bigger person. Making best friends with your target of the night. How’s that feel?
“Hey,” the girl giggles, leaning her elbows on the bar. “You’re Azzi, yeah? You play so good.”
“Thank you!” Azzi gushes, flashing her dimples as the girl does just the same. “What’s your name?”
“I’m Haven,” she replies. Even her name is nice. Azzi thinks about how Paige must’ve thought the same thing when they met a few hours ago, but she doesn’t like the thought, so she pushes it firmly away.
“Hey,” Haven says, sounding suddenly hesitant. “Um, I actually wanted to ask you something. About…Paige?”
Azzi’s eyes snap to where the blonde sits at the team’s booth—she always seems to know where Paige is in a room, though she never remembers tracking her movements—before she quickly looks back to Haven. “What about her?”
“Well…that,” she says.
“What?” Azzi asks, stirring her drink casually.
“The reaction you just had to me saying her name.”
Okay, so Azzi apparently does not appear as cool and collected as she thought. “Oh, that was just—I mean, she’s my best friend.”
“Yeah?” Haven asks. “Because I kinda got the impression y’all were…”
“No,” Azzi says, trying to contort her features into something like disgust. “Ew. Never.”
Haven raises her eyebrows. “Never?”
Why is everybody deciding to clock Paige and Azzi’s shit tonight? “Okay, like, maybe at one point. But it’s over.”
“Really.” She does not sound convinced at all. Glancing over at Paige, Haven leans forward, as if she’s afraid they’ll be heard. “It’s just, she keeps looking at you and you keep looking back and she was all over you earlier, so like—“
“I wouldn’t say she was all over me.”
“She totally was.” Haven’s looking at her like she’s clueless. “I just…listen, Paige invited me over tonight.” Azzi’s stomach drops. So definitely no make-up sex then. In fact, Azzi might as well pack up her vagina right now because Paige has ruined everybody else for her, too. “And I don’t wanna get in the middle of anything,” Haven continues, completely oblivious to Azzi’s internal vow of celibacy, “especially nothing messy.”
“Yeah, no, I totally get that.” Azzi sighs heavily; considering their situation is exactly what one might describe as messy, Azzi figures it’s probably the right thing to do to tell this poor girl the truth. “To be honest, we kinda are…I dunno. I mean, we fuck.”
“Okay,” Haven nods, sounding not at all surprised.
“She stays over most of the time. I stay at her’s sometimes, but she mostly stays at mine.”
“Spare toothbrushes in each other’s bathroom?”
Azzi winces. “Possibly.”
“Yeow.”
“And, like, generally, we don’t see other people. We used to, at the beginning, but not anymore. We were just talking about it today, actually. Well, not talking about it—we don’t talk about stuff. We’re not serious enough for Paige to wanna talk about stuff.” Azzi is rambling now, and Haven is hanging onto her every word, and Azzi thinks she loves making fast friends with other girls then realizes this is the exact thing that happens every time she gets drunk. Perhaps she crossed over that line awhile ago.
The two of them have their heads close together now, the rest of the bar completely shut out. “But anyway, she said something and I was like, what, you say that to all your bitches? You know, mostly joking but not.”
“Of course.”
“And she was all, no, baby, I would never ever have other bitches, don’t be mad,” Azzi says, deepening her tone in a stupid caricature of Paige’s voice.
Haven gasps. “That was today?”
“Like ten minutes before we came here.”
“And then she was all up on me tonight.” Haven glares in Paige’s direction. “Damn.”
“I know. But like, yeah, we’re not exclusive or anything so it’s fine. But it’s not, you know?”
“Oh, for sure. That’s fucked up,” Haven says haughtily. “So, wait, how long has this been going on for?”
“Uh…six months?” but no, that doesn’t feel right. “Well, I guess, like, four years? But six months.”
Haven blinks at her.
Azzi sighs. “We were super serious in high school.”
Haven nearly screams, slamming her hand on the bar. “She’s your ex?”
“Yes!” Azzi cries, and it feels so, so good for someone to understand her situation. “We were so in love and shit! And then things started feeling weird the summer before she came here—because, like, I’m a year younger than her so she was gonna be in college while I was still in high school and I—I could tell she didn’t wanna be tied down by her lame hometown girlfriend so I ended things.”
“Girl!” Haven yells.
“I had no other choiceeee,” Azzi groans. “She woulda broken up with me if I hadn’t broken up with her.”
“You’re crazy,” Haven says, shaking her head. “That girl is down bad.”
“Stop,” Azzi says, waving her off.
“She is, horrendously.” Haven gestures over to Paige. “As soon as you got to UConn she wanted to start something with you, right? And then y’all have a little tiff and she’s doing the most with another girl just to get your attention?”
“She asked you to go home with her,” Azzi points out. “That definitely wasn’t for my benefit.”
“Um, I’m sorry, have you not noticed how scary alike we look?” Haven asks, and Azzi flushes. “She was definitely gonna pretend I was you. Which I’m not down for, like, at all.”
“She’s such a dick,” Azzi says. Because she may have been in love with Paige Bueckers since high school, but yeah, she’s still kinda a dick.
“Totally,” Haven agrees. “But…
“Don’t tell me you’re about to defend her.”
“Listen!” Haven places her hands on Azzi’s shoulder. “I think her heart’s in the right place. She wants you. She’s just a little…misguided.”
Azzi shakes her head. “She was the one who said we couldn’t be serious. She said we couldn’t have ‘distractions’.”
“And you didn’t stop to think that maybe she was still insecure and hurt by the fact you broke up with her and was protecting herself from getting hurt again?”
Azzi blinks at this drunk, genius girl in front of her. “Whoa.”
“Yeah. You know what, I’m starting to think maybe you’re both a little stupid.”
Azzi shoves her. “Don’t get so cocky, you could be wrong!”
“I could,” Haven admits. “But where would that leave you? With an asshole ex-girlfriend who messes with your head for fun?”
Azzi thinks maybe, if they didn’t look so uncannily alike, she could kiss this girl. “I love you.”
“Girl, I love you more.” Haven pats her arm and leans back on her barstool. “Now take Auntie Haven’s advice and give her the silent treatment for a few days. She’ll realize her mistakes and come running back real quick.”
“What if I don’t wanna take her back?” Azzi says, already knowing it’s bullshit.
“You do. But you gotta make her work for it. And then you have to communicate with her.”
Azzi makes a face. “Didn’t I already tell you we don’t like talking?”
Haven rubs her temples. “There’s your main fucking problem, Azzi.”
It’s then that Haven’s eyes trail to something over her shoulder and before Azzi can ask there’s a large, warm, all-too-familiar ringed hand on her shoulder. “What’re you two talking about over here?”
Azzi looks first at the hand on her shoulder, then slowly up to Paige’s face. Paige raises her eyebrows, waiting for an answer, and then Azzi looks back at Haven, meeting her eyes.
And then they laugh.
“What?” Paige nearly demands.
Azzi brushes her hand off, still giggling. “Leave us alone, Paige.”
“I just didn’t know y’all knew each other,” Paige says, and Azzi delights at how confused she sounds. “Because you two seem pretty buddy-buddy over here.”
“Didn’t realize you were watching so closely,” Haven quips. Azzi giggles.
“Never said I was.” Paige moves from behind Azzi, going to stand beside them, studying them closely. “You two are drunk as hell.”
“So are you!” Haven and Azzi both say at the same time, and tears are forming at this point. Azzi holds on to Haven’s knee to keep herself from falling off her chair.
“Aight, yeah, I’m getting you an Uber,” Paige says to Haven, before touching Azzi’s arm, “And I’ma walk you home.”
“I can get my own Uber,” Haven says haughtily, but Paige already has her phone out.
Once again, Azzi bats Paige’s hand away. “I don’t wanna go home with you.”
Paige rolls her eyes, still navigating through her phone. “I figured, Az. But we live in the same building. Just lemme walk you.”
“You’re not sober enough to walk me.”
“I’ve been drinking water for the past hour, I’m pretty much good.” Paige shuts her phone off and looks at Haven. “You car’ll be here in fifteen.”
“Wish you were pretty much good a couple hours ago,” Azzi grumbles.
Paige’s expression becomes a little less nonchalant at that. “I know, mama, we can talk about it tomorrow.”
And that almost works. But then Haven sends her a warning glare and she straightens up. “No, thanks.”
Paige’s face scrunches up like it always done when she’s shocked, and Azzi hates that it’s still the cutest thing in the world. “Whatchu mean?”
“Exactly that,” Azzi says, standing from her barstool. Her butt is sore from sitting for so long. “And I’ll walk home with the rest of the team, thanks.”
Paige splutters. Haven gives her the middle finger.
—————————————
Later, when they are walking home—stumbling, more accurately—Azzi is leaning against Aubrey when she hears familiar footfalls coming up behind them and braces herself.
“Hey, Azzi,” Paige calls, catching her arm as she catches up. “Come walk with me.”
“I wanna walk with Aubrey,” Azzi says petulantly.
Aubrey looks awkwardly between the two of them.
“Bro, just—“ Paige stops, mindful of their audience. “Let’s just talk, okay?”
“No, thanks.”
“Azzi, c’mon.”
“I’m drunk and I’m cold and I’m mad at you. Leave me alone.”
Paige looks desperately to Aubrey for help. Aubrey just shrugs and says, “What’m I supposed to do? She said what she said.”
“Thank you,” Azzi huffs.
“Man, fuck this,” Paige says. Azzi feels very satisfied when Paige falls back, leaving her alone. But her arm also tingles where Paige had caught it.
Oh, yeah. This makeup sex had better be good for the trouble she’s going through.
—————————————
It isn’t until the next day that, during a car ride with Caroline, Azzi disovers it.
The two of them have always had similar music tastes, so when an unfamiliar song comes on over the speaker, she’s a little surprised. However, as she listens to the lyrics, she finds herself even more surprised at how much they resonate with her.
I could go and read your mind
Think about your dumb face all the time
Living in your glass house I’m outside
“Hey,” she says, “what song is this?”
“That’s So True,” Caroline answers, still staring ahead at the road. “By Gracie Abrams. Why?”
Looking into big blue eyes
Did it just to hurt me, make me cry
Smiling through it all, yeah, that’s my life
“Oh,” Azzi says casually, “no reason.”
——————————————
It becomes very apparent there is a reason when, over the next week, the song becomes everyone else’s problem.
So apparent, in fact, that the team actually starts to worry about her.
“What did you do to her?” Aaliyah asks as soon as Paige walks into the apartment.
“You broke her,” Amari says.
“That stupid song kept me up all night and it’s your fault,” Aubrey continues, pointing menacingly at Paige.
“I didn’t do nothing!” Paige says, backing away from her angry friends.
“You better fix it,” Amari says. “Like, now.”
“Fix what?”
Oddly, they all go quiet at this. Paige is about to ask what’s up with them when music begins blasting from somewhere in the dorm.
“That,” Aaliyah says.
Paige scrunches her nose. “Bad pop music?”
“It is not bad,” Caroline says defensively, joining them in the entryway. When she gets judgmental looks from the other girls, she sighs. “Okay, it wasn’t bad. But Azzi’s been listening to it nonstop for a week and it used to be my favorite song and now I’m sick of it.”
“We’re all sick of it,” Amari adds unhelpfully.
“I still don’t understand what this has to do with me,” Paige says, but of course she’s lying. From what she can make out the lyrics are about a break up, maybe, something to do with jealousy and anger. With the way Azzi’s been dodging her this week (calls sent straight to voicemail, texts left on read, not even a hint of eye contact when they see each other) she knows she fucked up at the party.
It’s not like them to fight—really, it’s not. They’ve gotten into more arguments this year than they have in their entire friendship. Obviously, there’s a correlation there, something major signaling that this whole friends-with-benefits thing doesn’t work for them. Or maybe it does. Maybe it’s the whole best-friends-who-dated-then-became-exes-then-friends-with-benefits thing that they can’t do.
But either way—fights? Like, actual fights that Paige can’t talk (or kiss) their way out of? Those are rare.
She didn’t think their argument at the bar was that big a deal. Didn’t even think her flirting with another girl would make Azzi mad. (She’d been hoping for jealousy because dysfunctional as they may be, the sex is really good and it’s even better when one of them is all riled up).
She has a sneaky feeling this all has to do with that girl at the bar. Haven. The cute one who looked a lot like Azzi and seemed super into Paige until she turned around and became best friends with none other than Azzi herself. She should’ve known that would happen. Azzi always makes friends when she gets drunk.
She just wishes this bout of silence (and celibacy) between them would end already.
“You can’t be serious,” Amari says.
Paige shrugs.
“We all know you two are fucking, Paige,” Caroline says quite bluntly.
And, okay, the sheer panic that Paige feels at this is maybe a little ridiculous.
She never wanted the team—anyone, really—to know she and Azzi were back together. Because, well, they weren’t, for one, and there’s no good way to tell your parents, “Hey, you know how I was super emo about how the love of my life broke up with me before college? Yeah, well, it’s been a year and I’m not totally over it but I fucked her in the bathroom at a club and we’re going steady—as in, fucking—now!”
But the main reason she didn’t want anybody to know is because she was—is—so afraid of having her heart broken again. And if she keeps this to herself, then she gets to act like she doesn’t care if history repeats itself. Gets to move on and not think about it and use other people as rebounds without anybody batting an eye.
But it’s been six months of them going from friends with benefits to best friends who also kiss and have sex to best friends who kiss and have sex exclusively with each other. She may have gotten a little too cocky, may have thought they were finding solid ground, and may have not put so much effort into hiding it.
But Azzi hasn’t spoken to her for a week and she doesn’t even remember what solid ground feels like anymore so yeah, the notion of her friends knowing about them when they may be on the brink of ending is a little scary.
“Okay,” Amari says tentatively when Paige stares blankly at them, “don’t freak. It’s not a big deal. We don’t care.”
“No, I—I know,” Paige stutters.
“Seriously, P, it’s cool,” Aubrey says, patting her shoulder. “Just, you know, go fix it.”
That song has played three consecutive times since this conversation started. They may be right. Paige might’ve broken her.
Might’ve broken them.
“And while you’re at it,” Caroline adds, giving her a little push in the direction of Azzi’s room, “make sure you guys are official so we don’t have to deal with this again.”
Paige tries to plant her feet to prevent her advance towards Azzi, but Aubrey rounds to her front and starts pulling at her arms while Amari pushes and then she’s directly in front of a door with a pink ‘welcome’ sign hanging off the front. As that song thuds accusingly through the door, Paige doesn’t feel very welcome.
“Okay, stop being a pussy,” Aaliyah pipes up from behind them, “and go in there. Please.”
“Make it stop,” Aubrey says. She almost sounds like she’s about to cry.
Paige stares at them, wondering if they’re really going to make her do this. But they all nod at her before disappearing down the hall so it’s just Paige in front of Azzi’s door and she could leave, could just go back home but she’d never hear the end of it from her teammates. (And she might end up hating herself if she does that, too.)
So, with a deep, steadying breath, Paige lifts her fist and knocks.
“Coming,” Azzi calls. Blessedly, the song turns off and there’s some rustling inside before the door creaks open.
Paige expects a lot of things when Azzi first sees her—anger, upset, a door slamming in her face.
What she doesn’t expect is the satisfied smile that flits across Azzi’s face before she carefully fixes her expression into something more somber.
“Uh, hey,” Paige says. “Can I—“
“Come in,” Azzi says gravely, opening the door all the way to let her through.
“Uh, aight.” Nervously, Paige walks past Azzi, a little afraid that is some sort of trap based off the strange way she’s acting. Once she’s inside and the door’s shut, she faces the younger girl, though doesn’t quite look her in the eye. “So, I just…you know, about the other night. At Ted’s.”
Azzi nods. “Go on.”
“Well, I know I started that lil argument and I feel bad.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I was just drunk and I wanted your attention so I acted stupid.”
Azzi crosses her arms impatiently. Paige wishes she had written this down and practiced beforehand or something.
“And with that other girl—“
“Her name’s Haven,” Azzi says sharply.
Paige blinks at her, surprised. “Yeah. Her. Well—“
“She’s actually really nice. We’ve been texting.”
Paige can’t help but scoff a little at that. “What, you gonna leave me for her or sum’?”
“We look related, so no,” Azzi says, raising an eyebrow. “And if I remember right, I thought it was you asking her to come to your place that night.”
Shit. So the two of them really did talk about everything. That’s not great for her.
“I didn’t mean it,” Paige says, which is very much true—she doesn’t know what she would’ve done if Haven had agreed to come over that night, but she certainly wouldn’t have kissed her. “I just, we were arguing and I wanted to make you jealous so we could, like, kiss and make up.”
Azzi crosses the room to sit on her bed, and Paige hovers awkwardly, wondering if she should follow. She decides on staying put. “I was jealous,” Azzi says. “But it just pissed me off.”
“I know, and it was a stupid thing to do.”
“I just—I thought we weren’t really, like, seeing other people.”
Paige freezes. This is completely outside of argument-at-Ted’s territory and it seems a little more like serious-talk-about-us time. Which Paige is just not prepared for at all. She should’ve made notecards for this.
“I mean—we aren’t—but, like…” Paige trails off, and she knows it’s bad how uncertain she sounds when hurt flashes over Azzi’s expression.
“Have you? Been seeing other people,” she asks, and Paige can tell she’s trying to sound nonchalant, putting on a brave face, but in reality she’s terrified of the answer.
Paige rushes to reassure her. “No, Az, no. Not a—seriously, not a single person. Not since that day at the club.” Not since the day Azzi came to UConn, if she’s being a little more accurate. But Azzi doesn’t need to know that.
Again, Azzi tries to act like it doesn’t affect her. But Paige knows her far too well—far too intimately—to miss the way her features relax, her shoulders lowering just a little bit. “Me neither,” she says softly.
Paige lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding at that. “Okay.”
“So…what does that mean?” Azzi asks tentatively.
Now that Azzi seems a little less guarded, Paige takes her chance to sit beside her on the bed, though not too close. “I dunno,” she says lamely, but when she’s met with a heavily annoyed silence, she sighs and tries desperately to think something up. “I mean. We can’t really be casual and exclusive. That’s not really how that works.”
“Yeah,” Azzi says.
Paige waits for her to pick up the conversation at least a little, but she doesn’t, and Paige is forced to go on. “I don’t—I think it’s not even something I want anymore. The whole casual thing.”
It’s hard, getting the words out, like each syllable is a barrier being broken, and maybe it is. Paige looks down at her hands, fiddles with them, anything so she doesn’t have to watch Azzi’s reaction.
“Paige,” Azzi says quietly.
And when Paige catches the hesitancy in her tone—the fear—she is suddenly too desperate and maybe even too in love to keep quiet just because it’s hard. Because she can’t do this, not again. She can’t watch Azzi walk away without at least putting up a fight.
“I know what I did was wrong,” Paige blurts out before Azzi can say anything else. She looks up, stares at the wall ahead, before turning to Azzi. She tries to detect the look in her eyes and what it may mean, but can’t. “At Ted’s. And I’m sorry. I guess I just—these past six months have been so—I mean, they’ve been good, but they’ve also been super fucking confusing and kinda scary, too. It’s like I’m always on edge waiting for you to end things, so whenever we get too close to how we were—before, in high school—I back out, no matter how hard it is. No matter how good it feels to have you again.”
Azzi opens her mouth, the beginning of a word escaping, but Paige’s heart races and she stands, stopping her. “But I’m realizing that I don’t think I can do that with you. I don’t think I can be just friends with you, or friends with benefits, or even whatever the hell it is we’ve been doing. Every day since you ended things I’ve been a fucking wreck, Azzi.” And it’s true. Her freshmen year had been hard, spent sleeping with random caramel-skinned, dimpled girls to try and fill the Azzi-shaped void in her heart. And the summer after was hell, too, reconnecting with Azzi long-distance and trying to become friends again, acting like they were never anything more. And the past six months has been the worst of it all, because having Azzi but not really having her, keeping her at an arm’s length and teetering on this edge of will she do it again and when will it happen proving almost painful.
Azzi stands, too, stepping in front of her, tilting her chin just slightly up to make eye contact like she’s always had to do. “I didn’t want that, Paige,” she says, almost as if she’s pleading. “I wanted—I thought you’d have more fun if you were single. I thought you’d resent me for, like, tying you down.”
Paige looks at Azzi for a solid few seconds, trying to discern whether she’s fucking with her. And when Azzi doesn’t laugh or tell her this was all a stupid prank she turns around, pushes her hand through her hair, and then faces her again. “Are you fucking for real?”
“Yeah,” Azzi says sheepishly. “I thought—I don’t know. I was also sixteen and stupid and insecure, and I just wanted to make you happy. I didn’t think about what I wanted.” She looks down at her feet. “Didn’t realize how hard it’d be.”
“Yeah, you were stupid,” Paige snaps, and when Azzi flinches, she takes a step towards her. “You really thought that I’d—what, not want you? Want to fucking break up so I could hoe around?”
“Kind of!” Azzi says, throwing her hands in the air. “Things already felt off that summer before you left—“
“Because I didn’t want to leave you!” Paige practically shouts, and she wonders briefly why they never bothered to discuss this before. “I had no idea what I was gonna do when we were so far apart, but you know what? We could have handled it. We could’ve handled a year. I wanted to handle it, if it meant we could stay together.” She takes another step closer, so they’re face-to-face now. “I thought you were bored of me or sum’, you know? I was so fucking hurt.”
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you!” Azzi cries. “Obviously I wasn’t bored, Paige, or I wouldn’t have jumped your fucking bones the minute I got to school.”
“And obviously I didn’t wanna be single or I wouldn’t have let you!”
Silence washes over them, and Paige is sure she could hear a pin drop, almost as sure as she is that their teammates are thoroughly listening to this argument outside the door. But she doesn’t care. Not when she’s looking close-up at the girl she’s loved forever and seeing her for the first time in almost two years—inches apart without hidden hurt or secret regrets tucked between them.
They’re both breathing heavy, both affected by everything they’ve just said and everything that still needs to be said but it’s not a surprise that they hold each other’s gazes, both too stubborn to be the first to look away.
And when the eye contact becomes too much for Paige to bear, she decides she will not chicken out, will not let her trepidations hold her back this time. And she leans forward and kisses her.
They’ve kissed—a million times, probably. Maybe more. At this point, they’ve learned each other down to the last breath, the last hair on their heads. They know exactly where to put their hands, exactly how to tell what the other is feeling based off the way they move their lips, exactly what things to say in between kisses. But despite all that, this—this feels brand new. Gentle, and tentative, but excited, too, like they know it’s the mark of something different. Something better.
———————————-
A week later, when Paige appears at her doorstep with a nervous little smile and flowers to take her on their second-first date, Paige asks her about the ‘lame girly song’ she’d been playing on repeat. Azzi tells her the song is not, in fact, lame, and is actually really quite good. She doesn’t admit that she can’t listen to it anymore.
(And, because I know you’re all wondering—yes, the makeup sex was as good as Azzi’d hoped.)
#lilah’s works#this is so stupid#but i kinda love it#this was so fun to writeeee#can’t wait to write the smut scene 😈#hope yall like#pazzi#paige bueckers#azzi fudd#pazzi fics
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