#this same logic is also unfortunately applied to characters

[destiel-more-like-im-dead-again]

I will never get over the fact that the got rid of the necklace because???? it kept hitting him in the face during fights?? Like baby girl just tuck it into your shirt

[creatingblackcharacters]

Question 6 anon here, obvs u rlly don't have to but if u wanna argue w/ my comment pls do argue, if I'm full of shit I wanna hear it 👍 This question has been driving me up the wall for years I just want to know why ppl all seem to agree fandom racism is bad and agrees with all the arguments and yet everything's still so racist and would appreciate different perspectives

I just think that the idea you have, that the people who are racist and aren't don't hang in the same circles, is just fundamentally not true.

Like sure, Trumpers might not click on my blog to learn about designing Black characters lol. But a good majority of the antiblackness I've seen on this website has come from people who swear they're liberal or progressive or fight for some cause for something that they deem important... And then just don't apply that grace and logic to Black people. So you'll see people saying intelligent things... and hate negroes 🤣. And then you'll see those people being reblogged en masse by people who agree with their good takes... And maybe don't know about the antiblackness they were just spewing. Not that you can tell who does and doesn't, out of the tens of thousands.

So yes, y'all do hang in the same circles. Yes, the people who need this page very much are also people around you. We have to stop acting like they aren't. I have mutuals who reblog people that I won't follow, simply because I've seen those people keke-ing it up with antiblack, whitewashing bloggers. Even the distant connection there is enough for me to be like "nah, unfortunately I can't kick it with you", even though we're in the same fandoms and such.

Essentially, the call is more often coming from inside the house, and the unwillingness to approach it from within because "oh I'M not racist" is preventing it being answered. Every antiblack sentiment you see in fandom isn't gonna look like an overt slur. It's gonna be in the way people perceive and treat Black characters versus others, in the way they treat Black character design, the way they allow others to slide when they are racist because "their art is cool". That tolerance I've been talking about? That's where you see the line for people, and it's so much closer than folks think.

[opheliaswhitegown]

triggered by a recent video essay i watched of yet another tolkien-purist, complaining about the multiculturalism in the rings of power, i wanted to cite some thoughts i’ve been carrying (for years !) regarding the matter. i didn’t have a platform until very recently, so, at risk of sounding graphic and repetitive, since a lot of people have already taken and are taking a stance, and recognizing that too much analysis leads to paralysis, i still felt the need to write something very quickly, chaotically and probably developed very poorly, because the knot has reached the comb. i understand that the negativity (produced sometimes even by rational criticism) is harrowing for the psyche, so please feel free to scroll. 

i couldn’t help but notice that the voices who are the most loudly hostile to the multiculturality, the broader diversity of the cast, and are so passionate about it to the point of making hours-long video essays, are always middle-aged white men. 

till the show first aired, they were used to a depiction of creatures in tolkien’s world; the prominent characters were centred on a very specific pack of people just like themselves. they were the ones who covered up all the space. now they have to share, so that gives them the right to dissect and decry every deviation from the image they’ve grown comfortable with.

many think of it as a matter of woke representation. they say representation, and they mean desperation. (and let me say at this point that your engagement with art shouldn’t be reduced to; do i feel represented ?) the belief however is erroneous. the problem here is about who holds the power and the politics we’ve all been taught to consider natural. unfortunately to their dismay, everything is inherently ideological and political. they try to push to us this logic, that even in a fantasy world appy the same patriarchal and prejudiced hierarchies that apply to our modern day, very real world, that these systems are vital for the authenticity of the story.

they do not monopolize the series. they feel replaced by women and characters of races other than theirs. they cannot stand it every time they speak, every time they take up space, every time the characters are different from what they know and by extension themselves.

apart from the evident racism on display, i will also give you an example of clear misogyny, which is their deep rooted hatred towards galadriel or disa (who is also a mother and a wife); they cannot stand the idea of a woman being a leader, of a woman being stubborn, angry, passionate, proud, loud, of a woman making mistakes. and the reaction usually extends to the actors, mostly actresses, themselves in the unjustly harsh criticism they receive in their interviews.

they try to conceal their bigotry and phobias under the prestigious and righteous mask of a strong moral need to defend tolkien’s work and legacy. they use the name of the creator so lightly, without realising that the way they defend their views about purity is disrespectful, inhuman, and against tolkien’s own ideology.

a normal person wouldn’t feel so personally insulted about the cast. the reaction truly disturbs me. with people who spend so much time analyzing, with such passion, their prejudiced views, without even realizing they are prejudiced, and calling them criticism, i personally find it very difficult to discuss. hopefully this post won’t reach enemy territory :)

(pardon my incoherent thoughts and poor english)

*as malignant as it is, i can accept the dislike towards the series, after all you are entitled to your opinion, and i have some complains myself. however, invocating someone’s race or gender in order to justify your hostility is psychotic and completely irrelevant to the show.

[flightfoot]

Why are you always virtue signaling how Alya and Adrien get salted on in posts complaining about other characters receiving fandom hate ? Like that Kagami post had literally nothing to do with Alya but you still brought up how she has it worse than Kagami or whatever, you always dismiss any people complaining about characters' fandom hate with "I don't see them getting hated but even if they do Alya and Adrien still have it so much worse cause I say so !" even tho this doesn't even serve anything to what these people were saying to begin with.

It's not virtue signaling, it's me being extremely upset about the demonization they receive.

I have been complaining about this VERY LOUDLY for half a decade now, because I had a solid year where I just had the exposure to the saltfics, the ways I'd seen Alya and Adrien be treated, running over and over in my head nonstop. It's not fun to be constantly choked up at work for hours on end while having visions of Alya being made to physically beat up Marinette so that Marinette and her posse can crow about getting to hurt her in return, or memories of Adrien being made into this sexual assaulter so that Marinette's new boyfriend can beat him up, or just Marinette being mad that Adrien didn't think continuing with her unsuccessful attempts to expose Lila via accusing her of faking disabilities and then taking revenge on him for that, like by abusing her power to arrange for Lila to sexually harass him for her own viewing pleasure (yes, that was an actual ficlet passing around tumblr back in the day). I read a crapton of Miraculous fanfiction, so I have, unfortunately, seen a TON of it, AND I was exposed to the just absolute insanity of the saltdom from the start, since I joined the fandom in early 2019.

Part of the reason I tend to bring up the gross way Alya and Adrien have been treated is due to some of the arguments I kept on seeing way back in that first year of the saltdom, in 2019. One of the arguments I saw getting passed around was that Adrien deserved the level of just, absolutely insane demonization he was getting because, supposedly, Marinette had gotten more negative fanfics than him in the past, so this was an evening of the scales. As far as I can tell this isn't really true, at least of the degree that the Chameleon saltfics exist. So part of it is righteous indignation for that argument that was made to me by prominent people in the saltdom, since if you applied that same logic and that same degree of amplification to other characters now... well I don't even know what that would look like, the backlash for the Alya bashing would be beyond human comprehension.

The way you're talking about me saying that Alya and Adrien have it so much worse because I say so, implies that you don't think that's actually true. Do you need a link to their bashing tags? Because here's Alya's bashing tag, (it has over 900 entries) sorted by kudos so you can see how insanely popular these things are, so it's not just a few people puttin them out and them then getting ignored, this is a separate fandom derived from gross demonization in and of itself, and a link to the Adrien bashing tag, also sorted by kudos (it has over 700 entries). If you want to try to track down Kagami bashing fics in order to try to compare numbers on that then be my guess, there are, so far, only 3 fics actually labeled as such (though I do know more fics than that actually contain Kagami bashing, it's REALLY not that common, especially at the levels that Adrien and Alya tend to be bashed at. And yes, I am something of an authority on that subject.)

Also, my talking about the Chameleon salt being worse was actually kind of relevant to the post you're referencing.

OP was complaining about everyone being hung up on shipping and Kagami being bashed to high heaven partially as a result, and critiquing the fandom for Die For Our Ship, basically. But while there is some of that in ML, it's not the main contributer to character bashing in the ML fandom, and Kagami being bashed by Lovesquare shippers for getting in the way is one of the most infrequent, mild versions of Die For Our Ship that exists in the ML fandom. Lukanette and Maribat fics are FAR more likely to make Adrien into some horrible person to help justify Marinette hooking up with their boyfriend of choice, than Lovesquare fics are with Kagami. Heck, even if you're just looking at who Lovesquare fics will bash for the sake of a ship, LUKA is far more likely to be subjected to that than Kagami is (it's still not all that common though.)

Also just... back in the day, in 2019, the saltdom presented itself as the "morally correct" choice. Like, that it was critiquing the show and that it was simply giving Marinette justice, and that you were morally a bad person if you didn't recite all of Adrien's wrongdoings if you talk about liking him, and a lot of crap. The plainly racist way that Alya was targeted was dismissed as actually, somehow, being the SHOW WRITER's fault for writing her in a way that caused the Alya bashers to want to write her in a racist way. So part of me constantly bringing it up is also just still fermenting indignation and resentment for that bullshit, because it still doesn't feel like I got closure on this, since the saltfics are STILL being published daily, and are still way more popular than other fics with similar levels of writing quality.

I'm just still really, really upset about this, and when talking about the Adrien and Alya bashing and the stuff they're subjected to with people in real life, I often start raising my volume and yelling and choking up and even being on the verge of tears if I talk about it long enough. I am seriously, GENUINELY that hurt about it, ESPECIALLY for Alya, since she doesn't get the amount of love Adrien does to help offset her hate, and because the demonization Alya gets is so racist and undeserved.

[wajjs]

just make it HalBarryOllie and they can all be toxic together. Toxic square if you will xD

iT WOULDN'T BE A SQUARE THOUGH!!

This is how I picture the dynamics:

Barry has feelings for Hal.

Ollie also has feelings for Hal.

Hal has feelings for himself and also for Ollie and Barry at the same time.

Ollie and Barry have feelings for each other. Those feelings are Contempt.

So if we want to make it a square we are missing someone:

Let's consider our options:

First of all, I do not think it's Dinah. That would look like this:

Carol isn't an option as well:

The same logic applies to Iris:

Now here are my top picks for which character I consider would be the funniest option to complete the square:

Arthur Curry.

Reasons: he's an old timer at the JL alongside all three of them. He likes it when Hal is tied up. It is the least expected option and therefore the one with the most comedic potential. I feel like he would be MISERABLE here. Ollie would go on and on and on about redistributing wealth. Barry would fight him on it but also would ask Arthur so many inappropriate questions per second. Hal would antagonize him just for fun. It all works.

Eobard Thawne.

Reasons: This man is THE definition of "hater". He is also obsessed with Barry in an extremely fruity way. He will see that Barry is into Hal and Hal is into Barry, and he's going to want in on it. He's going to mess with timelines just to make it happen. IT WAS ME, BARRY,

John Constantine.

Reasons: There is that one comic book panel in which Hal warns Barry not to mess with Constantine because he's going to wake up with no memory of the previous night, with his suit smelling of smoke and a deep feeling of regret. Also I feel like Ollie would go crazy if forced to remain close to Constantine for any reason that does not involve a world crisis. Hal will be miserable. Barry will be miserable. John doesn't have to worry about them dying on him because he knows they will get better.

Diana of Themyscira.

Reasons: first of all she needs to be freed from Bat-"I never go down"-man and Superman. She can do MUCH better. In this instance she's doing just about the same, but there is the slight improvement that she gets to boss around THREE men and not two. Also, Hal is a pilot and we know she has a type. Hal matches her type. Unfortunately. Ollie wins in this one because he enjoys bondage so much and Diana just so happens to have a lasso...

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I’m a 23 year old INFP. Due to childhood trauma and growing up in an abusive household, but ultimately I suppose due to my own personal struggle to take control of my life, I feel very behind and unaccomplished at my age. I have yet to finish my degree. I managed to get through high school with flying colours, but it turned out I was completely incapable of managing my depression and focusing on school at the same time. As a result, I’ve dropped out for the time being (I’m about halfway done) and have decided to focus on managing myself, personal development, and getting my finances in order before continuing school.

I feel a lot of shame and guilt for not completing school on time, as I’ve always seen myself as “smart” and “scholarly” I suppose, and was raised to hold education in high regard. To put things into perspective a bit more, I’ve always struggled with procrastination, getting things done on time and allowing my emotions to completely captivate me to the point where I easily neglect my duties. Despite this, I managed to get through high school as an outstanding student, but like I said earlier, this did not carry on into college unfortunately.

I feel like I’m less than half of the person that I could be. I also feel held back by my typology. I recall that you don’t hold much regard for enneagram, but I will just say being an INFP 4, it feels like I was born as the type most susceptible to failure. Now, I know INFP does not equal failure, as my best friend is also one and is a relatively successful business woman. However, she has things in life that I severely lack; adequate parental guidance, self esteem, and what I’d describe as much more developed Si. This isn’t to say things were handed to her, she worked for a lot of what she has now, but I do think that she was blessed with much more assets than I was.

I guess what I feel is that INFP is the least useful brain to have in a situation like mine. I have not a logical mind, nor a desire for any sort of order like Js do, and on top of that I was not taught any life skills, and all of my emotional intelligence was developed on my own, through observation. So, I’m great at giving advice, and horrible at applying it to my own life. I’ve been said to be wise, insightful, and particularly good at dissecting interpersonal relationships, yet nothing about my situation in life would reflect this, except maybe my relationships I have with my friends, to a degree.

I know I lack emotional intelligence despite being told otherwise, and this is something I’ve only recently come to terms with. I now believe if I truly had emotional intelligence, I would be in a better position than I am now. I have a tendency to avoid things that make me feel bad. I enjoy staying up late and staying in bed all day. I feel very unequipped to deal with society. I hate strangers, I hate being yelled at, I hate being invalidated, I hate being misunderstood, and all of these hatreds and my incompatibility with society were solidified during the years I worked (fast food, sales, and call centers). I am now very hesitant to get a job, I feel like I’ll be unable to succeed at anything I’m actually qualified for, as it often requires dealing with strangers. I don’t know how I did it before, but I do remember feeling dread during every work hour. I am scared to be in that position again.

I have a tendency to do more for others than myself. I’ll spend all day or longer writing an essay for a friend, or helping them with their homework, and yet I cannot bring myself to focus on my own studies. I can give a friend mountains of advice, perhaps even a detailed life plan, but I can’t begin to truly dissect my own problems and figure something out. It is so much easier engaging with someone else’s problems instead of my own. These days, I often feel like some sort of side character, someone meant to uplift others, but cannot experience any development for themselves. The narrative isn’t focused on me, although I so desperately want it to be.

I want to be accomplished. I want to be strong. I want to face strangers with ease. I want to be able to push aside my feelings in order to work hard. I want to be comfortable with myself, to be a beacon of hope for others, not just by my words and ability to connect with others, but by who I am as a person on my own.

But I am so inconsistent in my pursuits of self improvement, and so easily defeated. I’ve tried and failed a million times. I’ve improved myself over time, but the improvement has been minuscule and inconsistent. It isn’t entirely my fault, as there are circumstances I won’t get into that quite literally force me away from my goals, but I know that I need to find a work around and learn to cope with them so that I may one day succeed and leave these circumstances.

I just don’t know what to do. How can such a sensitive, reclusive, and traumatized person such as myself break their chains? Is it even possible to live up to the greatness I desire that lives only in my head? As an INFP born into such unlucky circumstances, am I destined to always fall short of the person I need to become?

My friends tell me that I’m a great person. They would say I’m capable and that they’ve seen proof. I am cursed with the knowledge that they speak with bias, and their perceptions of me are not based off reality, but by subjective feelings of tenderness. I feel like if anything, it’s been proven that I am incapable.

The only thing I’m really “good” for is giving emotional support to others, but that means nothing to society and absolutely nothing to myself. When I say this, I don’t mean to say that I don’t value kindness or the ability to connect, but that these “strengths” of mine do not realistically benefit my life. Being empathetic is nice for others who know me, but it hasn’t made me a more accomplished or skilled individual, and it hasn’t added any pride to my image. It doesn’t mean much to me if in the end I still can’t take care of myself and I still don’t have much value as a member of society. Especially when I look around and see how much more accomplished my peers who are much more insensitive than me are.

How do I change? How can I live up to my own expectations and standards? How do I fight back?

----------------------

You've brought up a lot of different points, so I'll attempt to break them down for you:

(1) Type Clarification: How did you come to INFP and are you certain this is the correct type? I am obliged to clarify this point because function development isn't going to work for you unless you have the correct type. Generally speaking, based on my experience with type assessment, there are certain warning signs that indicate a mistype, and you display a few of them, so it's important to double check before proceeding.

(2) A Problem of Perspective: What you've written is basically a narrative of your life that explains how you got to this point. What you don't seem to understand yet is that a "narrative" isn't reality. A narrative is merely a story that is told from a very narrow and specific point-of-view.

I always like to bring up the children's story The Ugly Duckling as an example of how a personal narrative can heavily influence one's perspective and lead one into forming faulty beliefs about oneself and the world. The main character of the story wasn't able to truly understand himself until he realized that his personal narrative was all wrong. You are in a similar boat.

Whether they realize it or not, everyone has a personal narrative, a story that they tell themselves about who they are. How do we know whether the narrative is a good one? Think about what a narrator does in a novel:

- A story always makes more sense and is more easily understood when the narrator isn't the main character but rather an omniscient or godly being that tells the story from an objective vantage point (third person perspective). As such, we can trust that the narrator is providing a full and factual account.

- When the narrator is the main character (first person perspective), you will find that the story is more difficult to understand for two reasons: 1) there is a lack of information due to lack of access to other perspectives in the story, and 2) readers must suffer the same distortions in belief and flaws in memory that the character suffers.

Knowing this, I will point out two problems with your narrative...

(3) Lack of Objectivity: The first problem with your narrative is that it is stuck in the first person perspective. You very much lack a bigger picture view of things, which is not an uncommon problem for introverts who struggle with tertiary loop. This is a sign of insufficient extraverted development, i.e., trapped in subjectivity and lacking objectivity. You're unable to see yourself and your situation from any other perspective but your own, to the point where you actively dismiss every other valid perspective.

Lack of bigger picture thinking is often correlated to depression. Your mind basically operates as though having fallen into a pit, with no view of anything but yourself. Spend enough time being stuck with yourself and every little thing that flits through your mind gets amplified manyfold, such that every ache and pain feels much larger than it really is.

If you are INFP, this situation should be remedied through auxiliary Ne development that would grant you a more open-minded, optimistic, resourceful, ambitious, and forward-thinking attitude. It's not about "shoving your feelings aside" but about learning to see things in a more positive light. The cure to being too negative is to learn how to balance it by being more open to the positive.

Healthy NPs never shy away from problems because they trust in Ne, i.e., they exercise their creative problem solving skills as necessary to get over hurdles and obstacles, even transforming them into something positive. So, why aren't you exercising Ne? What have you done to develop Ne? It is troubling (and perhaps a sign of being mistyped) when the auxiliary function is completely absent from your cognition.

(4) Poor Critical Thinking: The second problem with your narrative is that it was spun out of faulty beliefs. You've basically been telling yourself a bogus story, over and over again, and now you believe that every word is true. When a narrative is fundamentally flawed like this, the remedy is to change the story and make it more objective as mentioned above in point #3, as well as more factual.

While there are facts peppered throughout your story, your interpretation of the facts is often incorrect. You want to believe you have a good grasp of the facts, but you don't.

For example, the fact is that the education system, being as big as it is and not having all the resources in the world, cannot be much more than a crude one-size-fits-all approach to learning. As such, it's not going to work equally well for everyone. There are always going to be students with special needs or unique circumstances that won't flow smoothly through the system as planned. If the system isn't working for you, is it something to take as a personal failure and feel deeply ashamed about?

I used to teach critical thinking courses and there was one problem I encountered again and again. Many people think they understand facts, but the truth is that they don't even have basic knowledge of what a fact is.

For example: Yes, it is a fact that you were deprived a healthy childhood. Yes, it is a fact that you had to drop out of your studies. These things happened and they are provable. However, how did you jump from these simple facts to make claims such as "I'm a failure"? Calling yourself a failure isn't a fact but rather a value judgment, and in this case, it is an unjustified value judgment.

An easy way to tell whether someone has poor critical thinking skills is to see whether they can tell the difference between a fact and a value. You aren't able to, and many people aren't able to. Believing that you have a good grasp of the facts when you actually don't is how you end up with faulty beliefs. When you go through life with faulty beliefs, you're much more likely to take the wrong approach, make errors, and suffer from unconscious biases and prejudices.

People aren't born with good critical thinking; it must be learned and practiced. There are lots of resources for improving, and you ought to improve because it's vital for challenging faulty beliefs. However, deeply entrenched beliefs are difficult to change on your own because your ego is invested in them, so it might be a good idea to work with a cognitive-behavioral therapist. They can be your objective party and help point out exactly where your thinking is going wrong. But this is assuming that you're willing to open your mind to other perspectives.

(5) Emotional Reasoning: Yes, you are quite right that you need to improve your emotional intelligence. Throughout your story, I see many thinking errors that lead you to draw incorrect judgments/conclusions. But what lies at the heart of those errors is that your thought process frequently gets hijacked by unresolved negative emotions. Improving your emotional intelligence would not only help improve your mood, it would also help stop emotional reasoning.

In your story, you're trying to link cause and effect, in order to provide an explanation of the factors that led you to this point in life. This seems like a reasonable and logical thing to do. However, people who are prone to emotional reasoning often get cause and effect backwards or misattribute causes. When they're feeling bad, they concoct a story to explain and justify their negative feelings. In effect, they start with a conclusion and then selectively gather evidence to support it, which is backwards from proper logical reasoning that should start with the evidence and then draw the most logical conclusion from it.

For example, you claim that the only thing you're good for is providing emotional support, which implies that you're good at it. How can we prove this statement? One way would be to examine the results of the support you've given. Did people appreciate the support? Did it help them? Did it change them? If so, you can be said to be good at it.

But apparently what they say doesn't count as evidence. Somehow only you have access to the real evidence. Don't you find it odd that so many of your thought processes come back to you having some magical ability to access a deeper truth that others can't see? You call yourself a failure who is unable to do anything right on one hand, but then insist that you couldn't possibly be wrong when it comes to assessing yourself, on the other hand. This is the kind of contradictory thinking that emotional reasoning gets you mired in.

If being able to empathize isn't a skill, valuable both to oneself and others, then all the great friends, parents, caregivers, educators, coaches, doctors, nurses, vets, counselors, therapists, social workers, artists, musicians, writers, librarians, gardeners, and zookeepers should just delete themselves for their utter uselessness to society. Heck, I should just delete my whole blog right now because I don't get anything from writing this for you, yes?

There are absolutely personal benefits to be had from being empathetic. Through supporting and helping others, you can experience:

the dignity of choosing to be an honorable/humane person

the intimacy of deep and meaningful relationships

the satisfaction of reaping the fruits of your emotional labor

the joy of making a positive difference in the world

the awe of witnessing the realization of greater potential

It seems you can't recognize these benefits because they contradict the failure narrative and the negative emotions you're struggling with. Any evidence that makes you feel good about yourself must be rejected, right? Isn't it odd that you've closed off every path to feeling good about yourself except an impossible one, i.e., living up to some imaginary standard of what you believe all people your age should be? It's almost as though you are intent on believing the worst about yourself, so you set yourself up for failure with unreasonable expectations. But this is emblematic of how emotional reasoning messes up the mind.

People aren't born with great emotional intelligence. It's yet another thing you must learn and practice throughout life, that is, if you don't want your emotions to be out of your control. It doesn't matter when you start learning; it only matters that you start.

(6) Changing the Narrative: There are distinct patterns in our personal narratives, which Jung conceptualized as archetypes. Understanding these patterns from a more objective vantage point can help us craft a narrative that serves us better. At the end of the day, you are the one narrating the story, and you could choose to tell a different story at any time.

To give you an example, if I were to analyze your narrative, I'd say that your perspective is that of an "orphan". Orphans see themselves as rejected children, so their approach to the world is one of neediness for love but also deep resentment/anger about being abandoned. Orphans are prone to feeling: unmoored, confused, ashamed, helpless, hopeless, apathetic, fatalistic.

Of course, it's appropriate to feel: unmoored when you don't have a safe and stable home base to operate from; confused when you don't have enough social support; ashamed when you struggle more than others; helpless when you don't know what to do; hopeless when every attempt fails; apathetic when you get disappointed too many times; fatalistic when the odds seem stacked against you.

Nobody is saying that your feelings are invalid. What matters most is how you interpret the feelings and what you do about them. The problem is that, through emotional reasoning, you take your negative feelings and turn them into cynical judgments and then make decisions that leave you perpetually feeling like an orphan.

A narrative becomes sinister when one starts to derive some kind of egotistical benefit from it, which then breeds resistance against changing it. Are you willing to change your narrative at this point?

For example, many orphans keep telling the orphan story because it allows them to benefit from victimhood. Being a victim has its "perks". Victims have the right to self-pity. They have the right to rage against whatever they feel victimized by. They can also expect special treatment or extra care. As such, you will find that orphans often reject love and stay orphans in the end because they don't want to give up the "perks" of victimhood.

I'm not saying this example applies to you, but have you reflected on why you have a pattern of rejecting people's attempts to console you and provide you with evidence that you are actually a good and worthy person? Have you reflected on why you insist on telling the orphan story when other narratives are readily available to you?

For example, you could choose the "misfit" narrative. There are plenty of people, often INFPs, who march to the beat of their own drum and carve out their own unique path to success in life. Or, you could choose the "creator" narrative. INFPs generally love to use their imagination to come up with new and novel ways to live life outside the box. Why is it that you believe there's only one path available to you, that life is only about living up to society's unimaginative standards?

Or, you could embrace the "caregiver" narrative. It could be quite a heroic story, and it might lead you into a very meaningful and fulfilling career. Caregivers change people's lives for the better, which drives tangible and positive societal change. Yet, you reject this story and call caregiving worthless because you believe it is a "weakness" easily exploited. People mistreating you isn't something for you to be ashamed of. It is the perpetrators of abuse that ought to be ashamed and punished for their immoral behavior. How long are you going to keep punishing yourself for someone else's problem?

With regard to dealing with people, it sounds like you haven't learned about healthy boundaries. Boundary setting is a practical problem that can be addressed with practical solutions. Yet you turn it into some kind of grand existential crisis and make sweeping statements about the world. Do you really want to spend your whole life locked away, living in fear? It might feel good right now because it's safe, but in the long run you will actually be wasting away for not challenging yourself to reach your greater potential.

.

I'm not saying that any of these problems are easy to resolve. But these problems shouldn't be viewed in the traditional sense of needing a "fix" or that something is "wrong" (with you). These kinds of problems I've outlined are actually spiritual calls to change and improve. How do you change? It is through confronting what we lack and what we are afraid of that allows us to grow as human beings.

How can you live up to your own expectations and standards? Maybe a better question to ask is whether you've set the right expectations and standards? If you don't want to always feel bad about yourself, then you have to get up and start doing the things that will lead you to feel better about yourself. And we each have our own path to take to developing self-esteem and self-worth. Once you understand and respect your own individuality, then maybe you can exercise more self-compassion and allow yourself to live and learn at your own pace.

How do you fight back? I don't think it's necessary to "fight". Would you yell and scream and dump a flower in the trash just because it didn't grow as fast as the other seeds you planted? No, hopefully you would give it extra care to ensure that it has everything it needs to grow well. That's how you should be treating yourself. If you didn't grow up in an environment that taught you good life skills, then it is incumbent upon you to learn them as an adult, for the sake of your own well-being.

Life has enough challenges; you don't need to be fighting yourself. Instead of wasting time dwelling in fatalistic narratives, see yourself as a human being who is capable of learning and adapting. Learn to treat yourself well and cut out the noise to focus primarily on picking up the knowledge you need to progress in life, not just academics.

[a-bad-case-of-the-stephs]

The Sailor Song by Autoheart is suchhhh a Steph song to me...plz tell me your thoughts on it

SO sorry this one took so long to respond to, and THANK you for recommending The Sailor Song as a Steph song. Instantly understood your train of thought and huge agree. Actually felt a little sick and ill on my listens. Genuinely so Perfect for Steph.

Like from the heartbreaking chorus it’s v clear to me.

‘Let that be a lesson to me / think not with my heart but with my head, oh / but I never really had it in me did I?’

To me this is about how Steph falls for the same lie twice: she trusts her heart and believes this time Batman isn’t planning on cutting her loose abruptly and coldly, and because she doesn’t trust her head, doesn’t ‘learn her lesson’ she gets screwed over again: Bruce was using her the same way he was the first time he sanctioned her.

Could apply to lots of things though, Steph’s a character full of emotions and they sometimes overpower or overshadow her logical brain. It’s a weakness which can cause Steph strife, but it’s also (if you ask me) something that can work to her benefit. Steph’s emotionality and extremes of both love and rage are part of what fuels her. Steph not knowing how to let go, Steph feeling everything with her whole heart is what makes her so powerful and allows her to be so determined.

‘No I never really had it in me did I?’ Not just with an abstract ‘it’ but instead as a direct reference to the previous lines, as in Steph never had the ability to ignore her heart, really works.

But just generally the chorus of ‘I never really had it in me did I?’ Works so great for Steph. Unfortunately she spends a long long time believing she isn’t good enough, and hears the same from a lot of other people.

‘Your overbearing best friend / hoping for some attention’

I’m dying here. Steph is always too much! Too much and also simultaneously not enough! Going to throw up. Killer line to end the song on. Reminds me of her relationship with Tim, especially more early on, before she knew Tim’s secret identity. Thinking about the ‘are you kidding! If I think about it you’re probably too good for me!” line during Steph and Tim’s first date, but also the moments where Tim jokingly dismisses Steph, his casual dismissal in front of Argent for example.

‘I was your armchair / your mattress / your tv / your everlasting talk show’

Is such a Batman related line to me, specifically with their relationship when Steph is first sanctioned as Spoiler. She’s an ‘armchair/mattress’ as related to the idea of her as someone who takes a burden in order to provide support (a role Steph has taken before in regards to Crystal) but specifically w the scene where she hears out Bruce’s fears about the future, and is deeply unsettled. She is an ‘everlasting talk show’ especially within the context of Gotham Knights 22, how Bruce’s lonlieness clings to Steph’s talkative nervous chatter.

‘And I lost every ounce of myself / should I run a million miles away’

Is such a post war games line to me, with the total breakdown of Steph’s character and her absconding to Africa.

Anyways thank you so much for the ask, sorry again this took a hot second. Great steph song, 10/10

[hi3rd-typewriter-archive]

📌Welcome to the Honkai Impact 3rd Typewriter Archive.📝

>Hiatus status : Currently running however slow, due to real life activities i could not restock all the way, my apologies.

-What is the purpose of this Blog ? Well as the name suggests it is a place where you can find all of the Typewriters published by MiHoYo.

-Why does this blog exist ? Doesn't MiHoYo publish the typewriters ?

Yes and no, they do in fact publish them, however unfortunately for us non-CN fans they only publish them on Twitter and Hoyolab. Unlike on Miyoushe where they have a dedicated account for the Typewriter, on these two they do not so the Typewriters tend to get drowned in the endless posts and searching for them can be quite bothersome. You could very well download Miyoushe and go look at them yourself (you do not need to make an account for it), but it's quite the amount of steps for such a simple thing, so I decided to do that myself and group everything here, and make it easier to find a specific character as all Typewriters will be tagged with the character's name.

>Every post will be tagged withe the Character's name, not Family name as some can be quite complicated and I felt like it would be unnecessary as few characters share the same name.

>Regarding Captainverse : I will tag posts with the "Captainverse" to further simplify the sorting, I will tag them with the name used in the Captainverse and for some cases the name of their Main Timeline counter part (ex : "Kasumi" will also be tagged as "Yae Sakura" and "Bronnie" as "Bronya").

>Herrschers will all be tagged with Name + Herrscher title (ex : "Mei" + "Herrscher of Origin"). Special cases like "Herrscher of Sentience" will still be tagged as "Fu Hua" because despite being her own entity she is still sorted as a "Fu Hua" battlesuit in-game.

>Both Seeles will be tagged under a single "Seele" tag but I am willing to make a tag to separate them if enough people deem it necessary (please demand it politely if this is what you want).

#Expect slow and inconsistent updates, and sudden Hiatuses (mostly stated as "indefinite") as I am currently in Uni and while my schedule is fairly generous I lack full vacations and I also have a life and studies to read, this blog might not be updated right as a new Typewriter comes out, especially if the character showcased hasn't been revealed to global yet, I know most of the fandom follows CN release schedule and beta but that doesn't mean everyone does and I would not want to spoil anyone, so if the character is story relevant/new I might wait until they're revealed globally before posting their Typewriter. Currently unsure if i should apply the same logic to outfits or not.

#You can send asks to this blog but only the ones asking questions, asking for further explanations, advices on how to improve the blog and overall just on-topic will be acknowledged. This is not a personal blog, if you want to talk to me go to my personal blog, thank you.

[sneakyboymerlin]

Gwaine does not seem to like magic much in the later seasons and happily hunts down sorcerers (dragoon, the guy from 5x05, finna) Thoughts on that?

I’ve answered similar questions before! Unfortunately, Tumblr’s search function doesn’t like me, or I’d link to my older analyses 😔

As early as 3x04 (Gwaine’s introductory episode!), Gwaine is implied to have some bias against magic. Not as severe as Arthur’s, but any bias can be dangerous. When Merlin goes to Gaius and Gwaine about the Stulorne blades, this is the reaction he gets:

Gwaine: I've seen those blades in action. They're forged using sorcery.

There’s quite a bit of emphasis on the word “sorcery” here, both in Gwaine’s speech and in the overall use/placement of it. The fact that the blades are forged using sorcery tells our protagonists why they’re capable of deceiving people’s eyes, but it does not in itself imply danger unless you see magic as a danger.

Later, in 3x08, Gwaine remarks on magic with a similar attitude:

Gwaine: Wyverns. Distant cousins of the dragon. They're creatures of magic, so be careful.

Again, Gwaine expresses their capacity for harm by bringing attention to their magical origins. But the worst is in 3x12, when Gwaine does nothing to stop Arthur from holding his sword against the throat of a child simply because he’s a Druid. Rather, Gwaine pulls his sword on the rest of the Druids when they come out to save the boy. It’s Merlin who has to tell Arthur to let him go. So, Gwaine not only sees magic as dangerous, but he believes that magic and innocence (not as in guilt, but as in youth and vulnerability) are mutually exclusive. He dangerously adultifies a kid who’s <10yo.

Thrice, in the introductory era of the character, pretty solidly confirms his perspective. However, Gwaine doesn’t seem to approach magic as an innate evil the way Arthur does. He more or less ignores Grettir, despite his flagrant use of magic to turn Gwaine’s sword into flowers. In season 5, he sees clearly that the Diamair is a creature of magic, but leaves with an understanding that he owes it his life.

Gwaine’s philosophy is openly stated in 3x04: “Nobility is defined by what you do, not by who you are.” If he’s to be true to this logic, then he has to accept that one’s actions/beliefs determine one’s character, rather than their birth circumstances. He has to apply this to magical people and creatures. And he seems to, in relation to Grettir and the Diamair.

Perhaps not so much to those who he believes “chose” magic, for what he may assume is to the end of greed and power—some of the very traits he hates nobles for. However, there is only one instance to go off of, and it takes place in 5x05, where Gwaine’s like, 2 lines are the one that implies this, and the one telling someone to respect Arthur because he’s a king (even though Gwaine only respects Arthur despite that fact), so I’m inclined to ignore it.

As far as Dragoon goes, Gwaine seems to be under the impression that assassinating Uther would be evil, even though he has no motive for this. Uther had him banished and even threatened to cut his tongue out. I suppose he might just think that killing = evil, but considering how he’s employed to do just that—and it’s what he threatens Dragoon with—it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Perhaps because he sees sorcerers as a danger, he doesn’t disapprove of the magic ban, and therefore finds Uther’s death to be unjust?

They never really offer an explanation. I think the safest bet is that Gwaine assumes this means that Dragoon would want Arthur—who still holds the ban on magic in place—dead also. “Dragoon” actually plays into this idea.

It would be the same reason for the Finna situation. Arthur has already decided that she’s a threat, and Gwaine is receiving this information through his word alone. Gwaine’s exact quote is: “There’s a dangerous sorcerer at large,” who he wants to protect Merlin from. (It would be a very different story if Gwaine knew that Merlin was her accomplice—or rather, she is Merlin’s accomplice, heehee.)

So, while Gwaine doesn’t “happily” hunt down sorcerers—seriously, more like—he does show a bias against magic, believing it to be dangerous. However, he is also shown to overlook this bias from time to time, and I think it’s safe to say that he would have been able to make a repeat for Merlin if it came to it.

[georayn]

ok i'm not a hater of the idol format but wtf sm

I'm writing (and now posting) this on october 13th which is the day SM entertainment announced the departure of Seunghan from RIIZE. I'm not a RIIZE fan and don't even know some of the members' names, but I can speak on this company's lack of commitment to their artists as a NCTzen... yeah we've been through a lot and apparently briizes are being obliged into following the same steps, unfortunately.

I just wanted to quickly bring the topic of fanatization of idols to the table. as westerners, it's pretty easy to say that the whole idol format is weird and all just because it's not the way we do it here, so I'm not intending to fall into this discourse and hope nobody does. with that said, it's still pertinent to reiterate that the limitless idolization of real people can not be healthy after a certain point.

this whole situation was able to make a really old problem related to this VERY explicit. I've seen a bunch of korean "fans" depict it in the way of "this is just how our culture works, of course you foreigners wouldn't understand", when in fact the real danger of all of this is basically an issue that originated almost exclusively from your country/region that we fortunately almost do not have (on this level), so our exterior view on this should be of help.

of course, I'm not trying to start an international war here (every time humanity has done this it was not a good idea), so it is also of importance to highlight that the west and other parts of the world obviously have their own problems (big ones in fact) and not all korean fans reacted the way that I described, in fact it was probably a small portion, but it was big enough to make noise that SM judged unavoidable.

˖ ࣪⊹ ִ┈┈┈┈ ♰ ┈┈┈┈ ⊹ ִֶָ𓂅

well, here's the thing. the problem is not just in the way these "fans" reacted, but also in the way SM decided to judge their reaction as acceptable enough and chose to nod to their wants at the price of everyone who wanted his return, which includes themselves 1 day earlier and also the group members.

I've determined that the extreme negative reception by some "fans" was totally inadequate and the reasons can be compressed into: 1- past actions, specially pre-debut, should not determine the character of an idol currently; 2- when someone pauses their activities for such a long time, they probably stopped and reflected about what they did and changed to a better a person; 3- all of the previous shouldn't apply to Seunghan because, let's be frank, he only dated someone and smoked???? and even if he still actively does these, you shouldn't externalize your own concerns and have an affect on his well-being just because of the fact that you felt fooled by these silly things when he promised nothing to you. in addition, none of those were in front of the cameras, but they apparently are such deeply rooted problems in korea that they just stopped listening to the complaints.

you know who could have the power to change all of these factors, even if slowly? the companies. after all, they're the ones who decide what the rules are. some would say that the public's wants determine the rules just as much, and I actually agree. the thing is: SM's decision might seem the most profitable/stable to them now since the outrageous "fans" have a very strong opinion at the moment, but that will surely hurt them so much on the long run. and yes, I am also talking about money, so profit isn't even a last resource to defending this decision.

we've had and are still having problems of members departing from their groups in kpop so often, and SM is an incredible contributor to this issue. of course, in some cases, it has been the right thing to do when there are logical and concrete motives (ex: the taeil case), but when the reasons come from actual inappropriate reactions from the public exclusively, you should condemn their act and support the sane and actually healthy way of dealing with this. yes, you might get hit with some short term backlash and maybe a lot of it, but, especially if you are a big and resourceful company like SM, you should understand that your actions also have long term consequences.

from my experience, ever since NCT started to destabilize as a big concise project, my will of supporting their work has just fallen off. of course, I still love the boys and all the effort they put in their music, performances and other varieties, but it is essential to understand that most of the work put into the NCT brand as a whole comes from their company. because of this, it is hard to keep on buying merch, showing up to their events and getting excited for new projects that will probably get hijacked by SM. again, I am not a briize and have not followed their way to the point we are now, but I assume they have gone through similar cases of neglect.

with that said, a message to SM: people will keep losing their trust on you. you guys are too comfortable with the status that lee sooman has taken years to establish, and this equally gradual loss of trust is exactly what will make your reign fall off. you should not side with the crazy behavior of some sick "fans" for commercial success because that is purely a trap; you guys will feel the strong impact after some years, or maybe even less.

ok so I did not expect this post to be my return to blogging, but all of this was so absurd that I felt the urge of exposing (in my point of view) all of the problematics of the situation.

I am working on a new post though! i much prefer writing about subjects of my interest that do not involve any news so I hope that it can be well recieved by you guys :)

see you soon!

P.S: sorry for any English or even factual mistakes! you can correct me if you want, I appreciate the feedback!

[carlyraejepsans]

It’s not a bad thing to address the problems and complexities the problems and issues that female characters AND THEN acknowledge the problems and complexities of the male characters who are connected to them.

IT IS A BAD THING when you hold those same (female) characters up to a double-standard or attempt to attribute their faults/flaws to their identity, which is unfortunately more common than most would like to admit.

Misogyny (like all forms of prejudice, supremacism, and systemic bigotry) is more than just a negative attitude or a bad argument. It’s a parasitic symbiosis in which one community of people profits off of the unequal treatment of another.

You can still be a “friend” to a person of a particular group and still be harmful/toxic to the group they’re a part of because seeing someone as a “friend” doesn’t mean anything if you don’t see them as an equal.

P.S. It always irks me whenever someone thinks that they’re making a character more complex and nuanced by ignoring the complexities and nuances of another. I’ve seen ppl do that to Toriel AND Asgore, although I have noticed they do it significantly more to the former than the latter.

P.P.S. And don’t even get me started on what this fandom has done to Chara.

P.P.P.S. Forgive my little temper tantrum, and I’m sorry if I misread/misinterpreted anyone.

if you're bringing up misogyny in the context of fandom communities and the way they approach the text specifically, i think you're oversimplifying things by defining it as just "one group profiting off of another." an overwhelming percentage of fandom is, in fact, comprised OF women, at least on the story/character analysis/fiction writing front. you can't really say they're profiting off of female characters being ignored over male ones. by that logic, female characters should be uplifted more than anyone else in fandom spaces, and yet that's far from the case.

this is because misogyny isn't just a cultural system of oppression, it's literally baked into our cultures. our customs, our instincts, our sense of shame and justice and morality. those double standards aren't a conscious decision to oppress, it's an instinctual mental mechanism reinforced by habit and custom. it's something that feminists have spent (and still spend!) an insane amount of time unwrangling and breaking down. and a lot of people just... don't apply that kind of analysis to their own behavior. women in the story are just instinctively less sympathetic. less pitiable. less justifiable. less interesting, or "not complex enough to care about".

i do have a theory that this attitude is also tied to 1) a personal unwillingness by female fans to engage with their own oppression in a space dedicated to a hobby (ie: basically just escapism) and 2) fandom's popularity largely deriving from being a space to express sexuality and engage with erotica/archetypes that appeal to the reader, and the vast majority of fandom users are either straight or attracted to men (ie: the people making fancontent think men are hot so the more men the merrier. girls who?). but that is not always the case, and very often those attitudes go right in hand with misogyny and act as a shield to it, so it's only a small mental note in the corkboard of my brain.

[mcnjushcge]

Honestly I wish there was more Amechu and black triangle, the contrast and similarities of rusame could also be applied to Amechu and I wish the fandom would take advantage of it

unfortunately the fandom refuses to take advantage of it because most people here just don't care about yao LOLLLLLL...alfred and ivan are both very popular characters in their own right so naturally their ship will have that advantage. and I love rusame! their dynamic is so good! but it is INCREDIBLY baffling that amechu does not get that same level of love from the fandom when their ship dynamic would logically be what most ppl see rusame as if not even more fucked up and toxic lol. it's the way that they are so similar in their self-absorbedness and their love for money and power and material things and it's ALSO the way they could be juxtaposed as the ancient dark-haired androgynous being who knows what it's like to be at their lowest and knows how to play the long game versus the young blond-haired archetype of the all-american boy who rose to the top and has stayed there and is terrified of losing it all and it’s also yao saying to alfred “america…we’re friends, right?” in the most unserious NEKOTALIA STRIP.....okay I'm in my feelings about them rn. but I digress.

[mistytwooo]

I unfortunately understand both sides of the whole Neteyam debate and let’s speak on it.

On one side I get it, hes a dead 15 y/o alien who doesn’t have a future, meaning he doesn’t have an aged up version.

On the other side, on pandora, 15 is considered an adult once you complete your rituals and what not

On the other side, let’s compare it to anime right? As you know, japans old consent law was 13, right? So naturally (the fucking weirdo ass animation people) sexualize children- well adults who have child like bodies. Just because it’s okay over there, doesnt mean it’s okay in America or wherever you live, right?

On the other side, he’s a blue fiction alien , who at first I thought was 18 ngl 💀 nigga old as hell in the face LMAO and mannerisms. Who are you to tell these people they can’t be attracted to an fictional alien, THEY AREN’T LISTENING, BECAUSE THEY AREN’T ATTRACTED TO REAL LIFE KIDS.

Let’s go back to the anime thing. We see it as weird when the “over powered” “1000” year old characters are… built like 5/6 right? Because people see it as, okay well she’s over age, this is okay… when in reality it’s weird, that’s a fucking toddler let’s be serious for TWO POINT FIVE SECONDS 😭 now, THOSE NIGGAS ARE ATTRACTED TO KIDS IRL 😭

When they see blue alien man with an okay built and matured features, they could give two shits about what’s right or wrong in THEIR world, because it’s okay in the fictional world 💀

Having the mindset of “well he’s not real he’s fictional” is I guess understandable, BUT LETS APPLY THIS SAME LOGIC TO THE CHARACTERS FROM SEVEN DEADLY SINS RIGHT?

Just because she’s not real, and that she’s “legal” doesn’t make this not weird. It’s weird. I guess when people look at anime they’re like “this looks like an human, I cant be attracted to this 🤢(even tho some are 🤢)” but when they see blue alien, who has no human features other than the fact they walk on two legs, they go “hey it’s okay, it’s not real 🤷🏽‍♀️”

But it’s also like, you think this character is attractive enough you want to age up?

So yeah, like I said, I understand both points

Will be adding to this, I would love to hear personal opinions.

[venting-into-the-very-void]

So, I've come to two realisations today, at the same time. They'll get two separate posts, but the conclusion is the same.

So, part one.

I have no idea how to explain this one. Because it's the quiet, lonely, asocial, nerdy me getting a reality check (quite literally).

So, most of my knowledge about other people and the outside world comes from books, movies, and shows. I never really talked to many people until like, 6th grade, even though I was quite friendly. And even now I have a close knit group.

So obviously I learned to understand morally grey and questionable characters. Characters who made less than logical decisions because of their circumstances. Their actions had consequences, but they also had justifications. Revenge, grudges, inappropriate and irrational behaviour, they had their reasons. Especially if they were main characters, we were supposed to understand them. Antagonists too, but the protagonist was the main POV (I said protagonist not hero, I've read and watched villain POVs too)

And I also learned that humans are morally grey too. Different shades of grey, some darker than others, but grey.

So, I obviously put all of this understanding to reality. I excused the toxic (and sometimes even abusive) behaviour of people under the guise of 'justifiable backstory' and 'they are good at heart'.

Unfortunately, I forgot four things:

I had made them the main character in my story, instead of letting my life be my story. I became a side character in my own life, an aid to the main character. My character wasn't as important to be analysed, I got analysed only if I was interesting enough, and it would start with my relation with the main character.

The characters I read about and watched were either mindful enough to not drag their loved ones in their darkness, or had gone off the deep end and were a cautionary tale. The one in real life dragged me with them.

Most of these characters had no other option. The real life people very much do have access to therapy and help, they don't take it.

Unfortunately for all of us, this was reality, not fiction. The rules of fiction unfortunately don't always apply in reality, no matter how reflective it is of society. Real life tragic backstories do not justify bad behaviour.

Oh, and by the way, most of these morally grey characters were children. My real life character is very much an adult.

So, I, a really shielded kid, have to learn the hard way to differentiate between reality and fiction.

And also I think I do agree with that one friend who told me I might have autism. I think I'll have to get assessed for that too (dw this wasn't the only indication, just one of them). Or maybe not.

And to that one person who's going to look at this and either say, "Finally!" or "I told you so", thank you. (You know who you are, I've troubled you with my delusions and contexts long enough)

It's not just mom, but my dad too. As well as my 'friend', who makes everything about herself in the guise of caring about me.

[purityvalentine]

okay lets try and be sensible and logical about it

what are the things i have to do and want to do

there is no way i can remember them all at the same time so i will have to come back and edit this post whenever i remember.

colour wheel. currently one of my most daunting tasks, needs to be completed, no deadline, but the longer it takes, the worse i feel.

commission. it's for a friend and they are patient but i still don't want to take forever. stressful, high priority. DONE

art trade. technically should be commission but i'm unfortunately... whatever i'm not getting into it. needs to be done at some point, but i've not heard from them either so it's looming over me but not urgent.

commission fix. have to go back to an old commission and fix something. not a huge task but it's also lower priority so it feels bad to try and work on when there is higher priority things like the current commission. DONE

merch stuff. this has many divisions but currently i'm trying to keep actual contact with an artist and not ignoring the emails because of my overwhelmedness and even that is. gwgehghh. at least once the preparation stages are done then it will just be me being like. yes. it is good. not huge but like every email HAS to be prioritised and i need to NOT take FOUR GODDAMN DAYS TO REPLY AGAIN ASSHOLE.

chibi model. again, lots of divisions. no deadline but another thing that makes me feel bad the longer it takes.

nun needs new legs/shoes

office lady needs new legs/shoes

emo needs new legs/shoes

racing needs drawing

astronaut needs drawing

mecha pilot needs drawing

magical girl needs drawing

outdoors needs drawing

all of the new legs need to be added to the rig, adventure model textures needs to be fixed, rigging needs updating (by me)

connected to the above, i need to find a safe 🏴‍☠️ of live2d cubism again because i deleted mine years ago due to low computer space

also i'd like to add that new heart hairstyle, my main idol outfit, and alternate eye colours to the chibi model. very low priority i'm already dying here

uh. like. streaming. i need to stream. i want to stream. this is a constant and a high priority that just constantly slaps me in the face and the longer i go the worse i feel

artfight is approaching and i would really like to draw my characters some references for that.

oh fuck artfight is approaching so i want to be done with the colour wheel and my commissions before then

covers. i need to make. a cover. i need to record. songs. i need to record SOMETHING for the love of CHRIST PLEASE I'VE BEEN LEARNING JUST RECORD A FUCKING SONG PURITY WHY IS IT SO HARD (progress made)

mini painting. i need to prime more of my guys. i need to stream mini painting. i need to practice more. i need to paint the test coco.

AUGH back to the merch i need to get the design i drafted last year either MADE or find an artist who can make it because i really want it

need to stream more so i can be ready if [redacted] ever opens auditions again but even if they don't i want to be streaming regularly before vexpo so i can talk [--------------------------------------]

need to update my toyhouse with the art i forgot/new art especially the one that p****s did because i feel bad i haven't uploaded it and i dont want to make them think i don't appreciate it because i do (as usual i've probably still missed plenty of stuff but i got some of the things i missed in there at least)

okay real life stuff i need to get those tests ordered that i found so i can find out what's going on with my health because once i do THAT then i can book that private doctor's appointment to actually try and make some progress with mental health stuff. especially after being told to my face that i seem [redacted] because true but ouch that is not supposed to be visible mum's responsibility now lmao

honestly i need to start applying for jobs again even if it makes me wanna kms but also with all the other stuff i want to do i feel like that might just smash the jug of water that is my brain so. but also not having a job is destroying me too so like. catch 22.

also i should probably like talk to people/my friends but that just sets off a whole chain of anxiety. god everyone probably thinks i hate them i need to [redacted]

need to get my passport renewed -> need to turn myself into a decent looking person and find a passport photo booth to renew my passport

need to get all the tech i've replaced/am replacing organised and ready to take to the second-hand store, reminder to self they they wanted me to id it all first before i take it, i also probably don't want to carry all of that into town so i need to find a store with a carpark near it and then organise a day where my mum is available during the day to help me get it there

old graphics tablet

really old tablet (samsung) (needs factory reset first if i can find a charger)

graphics card

the htc vive that doesnt fit in my room

switch lite (where the fuck is it????)

still gotta sort the CPU issue because the return thing got fucked

need to do that thing related to that old company i worked for

do my taxes and not leave it until the last fortnight this time

update the starting screen slideshow with new art

[saltandhoneyfiction]

Introduction to Evergreen?

It’s certainly been awhile! Life has been crazy, I’m about to finish up my second degree and have decided to pursue law school in the Fall. Becoming an immigration attorney has always been a dream for me, and if not for my support system - it still would be. Not to mention the state of the world now… but I won’t go there.

While I was applying, throwing around ideas and deciding. I became obsessed with writing something light hearted and very different from Thornes and Roses. I started brainstorming, and thought… why not write a slice of life with attorneys! Well, of course that’s what I started writing ~ Evergreen. Which takes place in the same universe as T&R because I love an Easter egg. I don’t everything or anything figured out yet, but I wanted to share what I have written so far, on a random day eating my lunch.

Thank you all for who have shown me support! I appreciate you all, I have not given up on T&R, it’s still my baby - but I can’t give it the attention required currently or foreseeable. I’m also terribly sorry I did not deliver on the demo, but hopefully the momentum I have for Evergreen continues and can release something soon.

What I’ve written so far under the cut. :)

Evergreen

After spending almost a decade pursuing your dream of becoming an attorney, you can officially call yourself one. Now comes the fun part, finding that big adult job and paying your student loans. It’s certainly not going to happen with the current state of your bank account… which is just sad.

So what’s the logical thing to do? Accept the first job offer that came your way. Atwood & Remington sounds prestigious enough, the only thing is, it’s located in the hometown you haven’t visited in 8 years - Evergreen.

Characters

- Riley St. James (selectable)

Riley is your childhood best friend, once inseparable, and now you two haven’t seen one another in almost 8 years. You left to pursue your dreams, and they took over their family business.

- Evelyn Atwood (she/her)

Evelyn is the prodigy daughter of Henry James Atwood, one half of A&R and renowned attorney. Since her fathers retirement she hasn’t been able to escape his shadow and being coined a “nepo-baby”. She has no idea what work-life balance is and is probably still sitting in her office.

- Natalia Esperanza (she/her)

Natalia is Evelyn's best friend who also happens to be your next door neighbor. She is a young single mother to her daughter, Eliza. She currently manages the coffee shop across the street, and occasionally serves papers for Evelyn.

- Edward Remington (he/him)

Edward is Evelyn's cousin and the other half of A&R. His mentality is: “work smarter, not harder”, which doesn’t always bode well with the firm, but it helps to be untouchable, handsome and talented.

- Atlas Shepherd (he/him)

Atlas resonates with his name well, but instead of the world on his shoulders - it’s A&R. He’s probably the most level-headed one of the bunch, and very aware the place would burn without him.

Chapter 1

You spent weeks sending out your resume to every law firm in a 200-mile radius. You kicked yourself for not doing more internships and club activities every time a rejection letter was sent in return.

The most recent one was packaged so neatly. You thought to yourself, there’s no way someone spends this much money on letters only to reject someone…

“Dear [NAME], Thank you for applying to Pearson Specter Litt, unfortunately, we only hire from Harvard…”

You don’t deem to read the rest, you know it only ends in heartbreak.

—

Suddenly your small, cramped apartment is suffocating, the last thing you want to do is sign another lease at a place like this. “This place is temporary… temporary” the words ring in your ear, you said them not so long ago. You were supposed to have a job lined up by now - several of your classmates have already gone off into their new roles, while your imposter syndrome eats you alive.

Before your thoughts can send you into a pit of despair, your phone rings.

Riley St. James.

[HER/HIS] name banners across your phone screen, a name you haven’t seen since high school. Not since…

1. You still left after they confessed their love to you. 💙

2. You left after they begged you to stay. (You were their only friend)

3. This was your chance at a fresh start. You left and never looked back.

4. You felt like everything and everyone felt suffocating. You never anticipated returning.

You stare at your phone, almost in a trance. Before you can think better of it, you answer… How many times did you let it ring?

Finally finding, you croak out, “Hello?”

“Hey… I didn’t think you’d answer”. [*his/her] voice is soft, almost vulnerable, but definitely the Riley you remember.

1. “I didn’t think I would either… I don’t know why I did”💙

2. “Of course I would answer.” 🙂

3. “It’s not like you called me before to know if I would or not”😡

4. “I could hang up if you want” 🙄

“Well, you’re probably wondering why I’m calling you…” Riley’s voice sounds on the brink of breaking.

“Yeah, a little” you respond.

“Your parents… they mentioned something to me recently.”

It dawns on you then, Riley still speaks to your parents. *he/she hasn’t spoken to you in years, but still speaks to your family.

1. It fills you with anger.

2. It makes you feel uneasy. What have they said?

3. You can’t help but question their motives. You were never close to them.

4. It doesn’t bother you at all. They’ve always seen Riley as family.