#this without context feels like a fucking fever dream or something

[mizuribbons]

get a non project sekai fan who doesn't know japanese to guess what the fuck is happening here (they cannot)

[yiiiiiiiikes25]

hobbyism, intimacy, working it out on the page

some old school longform blogging about process & product & how it really can be that serious, with all the indulgence that implies

i can’t stop thinking about siken’s new afterword for the twentieth anniversary edition of crush, which opens with a fever dream: louise gluck calling to say “we’ll publish it as is, of course, but i have notes if you’d like to consider them.” @whatimages is in my texts commiserating about how we’d sell plural organs for twelve hours of clear-eyed line edits at a kitchen table, and from gluck, for god’s fucking sake. and yes, yes. obviously the nobel of it all. right. what siken’s done in the afterword, though, has i think a longer and rarer shadow than meet-your-hero wish fulfillment. like i said, i can’t stop thinking about it, and these days my focus is about four seconds wide, so i want to pay attention for a while.

i’m not a poet, or haven’t been since college; i’m not a widely beloved and revered literary figure, though any minute now fitzcarraldo will cold call me about publishing my raven boys fanfiction. what i am is someone procrastinating their hp wireless piece (which at current pace will be ready for the 2027 fest) by any means necessary. my inability to engage meaningfully with an entirely voluntary and ostensibly rewarding hobby, with few stakes and fewer parameters, fills me with a pretty incandescent rage: why can’t i do this? the inside of that question is: what’s it even for?    

here is siken’s answer to why he writes. it’s a poet’s answer, a literary figure’s. i’m not sure the “we” includes me, but let’s start here and work forwards.

siken’s work—the thrust of his labors with gluck—reaches for a confessionalist ideal of total vulnerability and honesty (though as he’s told us many times, whether and how it happened to him is not the point—he aims deeper than a photorealistic depiction of his own life). he’s working on our behalf, truth-telling on our behalf. so that the poems may be useful, so that the lesson or the gift he leaves on the table serves the reader, he faces the fact of himself and offers us an unswerving intimacy. 

i think some version of this is correct across genres and art forms. the work that means the most grows out of an artist’s most human, most intent, most feeling place, however that ultimately manifests in the piece; we can feel that quality and intensity as an audience, can sniff it out. maybe that’s a little mystical. siken would say even mastery without passion or courage produces “polished but lifeless” art, though, or the version of siken i’m projecting onto would. maybe he’d say passion and courage are necessary conditions for true mastery. probably he’d say it with less pretension. my buddy @letteredlettered calls this ‘putting your pussy into it’; i agree with her belief that this is the entire point of making art. what is a figurative pussy if not the most human, most intent, most feeling place a body has. putting your pussy into it is an intimate act. 

at any rate fic is storytelling, and web weaving, and often therefore confessional even when it's not explicitly so. in short i buy siken's room as the 'why' of a lot of art.

some additional context for my next point: it’s been a tough couple years, during which i’ve asked the question of “why can’t i do this” across almost every category of my life, along with “what’s it even for.” fanfiction and fandom as a hobby feel to me like something of a regression in the face of this difficulty; i’m retreating to something that was a safe part of my childhood and squeezing as much meaning out of it as i can. like almost all of my fixations, it’ll probably pass. in the meantime, i feel no small amount of shame about it: returning to YA generally; returning to harry potter in particular with all its cultural baggage; taking my hobby of writing emotionally elaborate intertextual porn for seven perverts on the internet incredibly, incredibly seriously. why can't i be goofy engaging in this goofy activity? why can’t i handle an activity with more innate rigor, more gravitas, more discipline? why can’t my hobby be weightlifting, or the history of constitutional law, or, jesus christ, writing original anything? (i would never dream of judging other people’s hobbies or fandom engagement this way, possibly with the exception of disney adults, and the reason for the former double standard is because if i’m compassionate, nonjudgmental, and understanding to myself the way i’m compassionate, nonjudgmental, and understanding to other people, i am no longer the specialest princess in all the land. simple.) 

but fic is art with training wheels, right? not just the scaffold of writing an intertext with existing IP, but community—a built-in audience, fellow writers with your preoccupations and tastes and kinks, people willing to go to the mat with you and your work. (fic is also simply a reason to yap, with everything that yapping can engender. fic has immeasurably enriched my twenty-year friendship with @or-dhuilleag, for instance, and brought me @flightspathfic and @garagepaperback, without whom i’m not sure i’d have made it through this midlife nadir.) 

one thing peculiar to the art of a beloved, revered, or widely read/viewed/experienced artist: 

siken earns the above platitude with the full force and grace of his afterword, which explores at length how his readers have transformed the meaning of his work in the twenty years since crush was first published. i think most fanworks by virtue of their niche intent & footprint, along with the ongoing conversation that comments etc make possible, are actually shared custody between author and reader—certainly unlike tradpub, fanworks can be tweaked and reworked by sneaking into the ao3 editor in the wee hours and fixing a sentence here and there. i’m sure other writers have different relationships to their work, but for me, at least, i feel intensely proprietary about mine. maybe in part because we are wandering together into a third person’s existing world & characters, i’m sharing my writing with you, not giving it to you. i would argue the former is more intimate than the latter.

one of the many pleasures of a friendship with @letteredlettered is her insight into what it’s meant to be read at scale—i can’t track down a pull quote in discord, and i’m sure she’ll correct me if i’m putting words into her mouth, but the gist is that there’s correlation between popularity and being pedestaled such that it’s no longer easy or inviting to be a part of fandom community. i wonder if the inflection point is around the scale at which people started treating her work with more entitlement than consideration.

what siken points to here is the question of who it’s for—whom it’s for. did it really never belong to him? arguing with louise at her kitchen table, had he already given it away to the reader?

(additional reading: compare siken’s take on crush with sufjan’s on carrie & lowell, wherein the full transfer of custody to the listener is because sufjan found the album to be a profound failure on his own terms even if it succeeded for the listener—“Maybe that's what's so frustrating about this record for me, is that I could see and feel and hear the evidence of my effort, and trying to make sense of it musically and structurally and narratively. But I knew deep down inside that I was dealing with something that was unresolvable, and that the final tapestry of the album was never really going to be a stand-in for my relationship with my mom. And that's OK. You kind of have to just live with the chaos of it. I don't want to disparage; I don't want to sound like I don't like this album. I think I want to disassociate from it. It ultimately has nothing to do with me anymore. The music is yours.")

--

what did it mean to siken, for gluck to meet his debut collection like this?

in the last few years, disappearing from my real life into the bowels of ao3, i have read probably fifty million words of fic (emotionally elaborate porn was only maybe forty-five million of it); almost to the exclusion of any other fundamental theme, we write obsessively, repetitively, and compulsively about intimacy. how and why to be close. how to allow it; how to earn it; how to risk it; how to tiptoe toward it, abandon it, reignite it, revel in it. it possesses us. for my money, the above passage is the most intimate thing i have ever read. his debut? a third of the book? twelve fucking hours as mother and son at her kitchen table?

this is what siken wanted us to know about this book that he believes belongs to us. the rest of the afterword guards his privacy closely, but this he wanted us to hear: that he brought it to a brilliant woman and she made it a taut new thing, made it nothing but the core of itself. that they did it together. it's pedigree, sure, but it's also the only new thing he told us about what wasn't on the page, for a poet who made a platform of the death of the author:

i think he told us a precious story, sharing this. what strange and sacred work they did. i get romantic about poets, i don't know. here, look at the whole setup:

look how they have sized each other up--"it was louise gluck," then "this was someone i could work with." "it was not the best in the pile...i kept thinking about yours, so i knew it had to be the one." and then finding, in person, that they are each a familiar size to the other, a familiar shape. look how seriously they take each other, finding the other worth the work. their measured esteem correctly and productively colluding.

i just fucking love editing, not that you'd really know from how this stream of consciousness wanders. i love it past it being the way to crystallize draft slop into meaning, i mean. i think it's the core of the intimacy that i find so shocking and exuberant in this hobby. my preoccupation is intimacy--maybe my whole hobby is intimacy. i open the doors of my google doc and let someone see me trying and failing, let them help me try again. it's an antidote to shame. it's an exchange of authority and power, it's showing them the half-cooked output of my brain and feeling their fingers muck around in there. help me fix my little story i dumped my entire heart and ass into! let's fight about it!

and lemme see what you're working on, lemme see how your language works, lemme listen so, so carefully for the core of what you're trying to tell me and whittle you back till it's all i can hear. lemme show you i'm worth the work. somebody come help me with that mixed metaphor. maybe part of the shame-antidote is because we're sinking all this effort into gay wandboys fisting. so indulgent! craft, baby. ambition, mastery, ardor. i mean god bless to everyone just vibing out, i'm often jealous.

look at siken shepherding us along here. my point ultimately--it’s not not kink. it lives close to the same place in my brain: being edited is the incandescent reward for the slog of drafting, which i truly despise. it's the well-lit kitchen table where someone i trust and fear drives me, hour over patient hour, towards a truer version of myself. i want them to carve me down to what is beautiful and necessary. i’m starved for it; i want it even before i put a single word on the page; i want to sit next to my friends and build every story from scratch with their attention and care and opinions on an iv line from their aorta to mine. can original writing have a process like this? can any other hobby? i am sincerely asking, because my interest in harry potter and draco malfoy absolutely has an expiration date. assume for the purposes of this question that an mfa is out of scope, you fucking perverts.

loop back to the why of writing. my fanfiction isn't going to be deathless literature: it does something else for me, right here, right now. siken writes to tell us, "i was in this room once. it is a difficult room. i left this on the table for you. i hope it helps." picture him in the difficult room. picture him at the table, reading aloud, his hands spreading the pages across the wood. picture gluck beside him, his brilliant twelve-hour mother, interrupting, arguing, helping. her attitude, his wire frames, winnowing down a third of his book. do you know more now about intimacy? is the room as difficult?

which is all to say: i'm writing something that’s due in a couple weeks. it’s one more story about why to be close. i want it to mean something. it means a lot to me, and i want it to mean something to you. i wrote this, too; i wrote it alone, but if you’re here at the end, i want to talk about it with you. tell me how i can make it better. tell me how we can make each other better.

[snowyquokka]

HOME

jeongin x fem reader

cw: angst (😈), breakup, kissing, swearing, mutual pining, mentions of cheating, kinda toxic/asshole seungmin (FORGIVE ME), not proof read bc why tf would i do that (im too lazy so my apologies if some of it doesn’t make sense lmfao-)

wc: 3.1k

a.n - so this is not how it was originally supposed to be 😭 it started as a seungmin fic but spiraled into whatever monstrosity this is lmao. everyone thank @solisyeah for the request ily. anywho i hope it’s good <3

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Seungmin furrows his brows as he inspects the photo on his screen. A photo of you with another guy, in his lap with your face nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

Just like you do with Seungmin.

On the very couch he’s sitting on.

At first he thought it was edited, because there’s no way you’d cheat on him, right? But as he took a closer look he just knew it was real.

He was tired, sore, and downright miserable from a rough day at the studio; he had to take way too many breaks for his liking and this picture was just the thing he needed to send him right off the deep end.

He shot up from his spot on the couch so fast it made his head spin, but that didn’t deter him from storming into your bedroom where you were sitting on the bed, aimlessly scrolling through your phone. Once you see his face you can automatically sense something’s wrong.

“Seung?” You tilt your head as you watch him take your apartment key off of his key ring before placing it on your dresser with a clink.

“Seungmin what are you doing?” You jump off of your bed as he slides his shoes on. He runs his fingers through his hair with a frustrated huff.

“I don’t- I think we just need a break. I need a break.” These words were the last thing you imagined to ever come out of his mouth, in this context especially. Or lack there of.

“Wha- why?” Your eyes glaze over with unshed tears that threaten to spill at any given moment. You don’t want to cry in front of him, you’ve always hated having your raw emotions on display like that, especially in such a powerless situation. “Seungmin, talk to me. What the fuck is going on?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I’m not stupid.” Seungmin shakes his head “Did you really think you could hide it from me?”

“Hide what, Seungmin?”

“You should’ve just fucking left me. Spared my feelings, maybe. But I guess you’re just too selfish for that.”

Without another word he rushes out of the room, leaving you in shambles with nothing else to do but slide to the floor, curl into yourself and let the sobs take over your body.

Seungmin can hear you crying before he even walks out of the front door, causing his heart to clench in his chest and his gut to twist. Standing with his hand just brushing the door handle, he has to physically force himself to press on, to let you go, to accept his reality. The door slams shut behind him and the noise only pushes you further towards the realization that this is actually happening. You aren’t hallucinating, this isn’t some fucked up fever dream or an even more fucked up prank.

You just wish you knew why. No matter how much you try to put the pieces together, you’re always missing something. You can’t think of anything that could’ve set him off. Everything was perfectly normal less than an hour ago, yet all it took was five minutes to trigger the downward spiral of what feels like the end of the world- the end of your world.

-

“What’re you doing back here?” Jeongin slides next to Seungmin - who is still eyeing up the picture on his screen - on the floor. Jeongin nods towards the phone, “What’s that?”

Seungmin huffs and leans his head against the wall behind him, “I honestly don’t fucking know, I don’t even really want to know, actually.”

Jeongin reaches for the phone, pulling it out of Seungmin’s grasp. His lips part in a silent ‘oh’ as he inspects the photo. He’s assuming Seungmin hadn’t even given you a chance to explain solely based on his reaction, in typical Seungmin fashion. Jeongin turns his body to face the other, his face set in an almost disappointed expression.

“I’m going to say this with the utmost respect and I need you to not cause me any bodily harm-” Jeongin sighs before continuing, “You’re a dumbass. Like the dumbest dumbass I think I’ve ever seen. Like paboracha level dumbass. I’m talking-”

“Are you done?” Seungmin groans and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Are you done? God- you just fucked yourself over. If I were you I’d start praying that she’ll still take you back after all this crazy shit.”

“How did I fuck myself over when she’s the one cheating? Or am I supposed to just forget about that and take the blame for it all like usual? She brought another guy into the same place I spend almost all my time at, and probably fucked hi-” Jeongin slaps his hand over Seungmin’s mouth, effectively silencing him before he could carry on with his bullshit.

“Hyung. Shut up.” The maknae slowly pulls his hand away as Seungmin’s eyebrows shoot upward. “Look I get it, you’re tired, you’re upset, you’re angry bu-”

“Can you fucking blame me? I can’t unsee it. I mean, you see how comfortable she looked with him.” he clenches his fists.

“Will you keep your mouth closed already? You’re killing me here, got a massive migraine now.” Jeongin groans and rubs his temples as he speaks “That picture was taken over a year ago. Before you even knew she existed, hyung. Besides, I know her better than anyone ever will, other than you obviously, which is why I suggest that you get your ass up and go apologize for being such a dumb fuck. Beg for her forgiveness if you gotta. Maybe get on your knees while you’re at it.” he sighs and stands, holding his hand out to Seungmin before pulling him up.

“How do you know she isn’t lying to you? How do you know she isn’t lying about anything else?” Seungmin finally says.

“Because she loves you too much to do that to you. God, have you always been this dense? You seriously need to wake up and realize how stupid you sound.” Jeongin mocks, prompting Seungmin to glare at him one last time before walking out of the studio. All the while unbeknownst to the younger standing with a frown threatening to pull at the corners of his mouth.

“He’s a fucking idiot if he let’s her go over this,” he mutters begrudgingly while he listens to the soft pur of Seungmin’s car in the distance.

-

Almost a week later you’re still waking up with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. The first thing you notice is Seungmin’s apartment key still sitting on the dresser untouched. Well, it used to be his. You were really hoping that it was all just a shitty nightmare and that you’d still be tucked in his side with his soft snores being the only sound to fill the room even though it’s been days.

You realize what had stirred you awake as another knock fills the almost suffocating silence. You’re half tempted to just ignore it, but something in your gut tells you to answer it.

“Oh, uhm- hi Innie.” you wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your hoodie. Or Seungmins hoodie, rather.

God you need to pull yourself together. How could you not even realize what you were wearing. Fuck.

“Hey,” Jeongin rocks back on his heels somewhat awkwardly, “Can I come in?”

You nod and mumble a soft ‘of course‘ as you move out of the way for him to slip past the threshold and into your apartment while you take a moment to collect yourself, and to put on the most convincing smile you can possibly muster.

“What’s up?” you find a spot on the couch next to him as he scans the room for a second, looking for any signs of whether or not Seungmin actually showed.

“He’s not here, is he?” Jeongin turns to you with sympathetic eyes, finding your own longing for comfort, seemingly pleading him for some sort of consolation.

“N-no but he’ll probably be back so-”

“He’s not coming back, y/n. If he was, it would’ve been days ago.”

Before you can open your mouth to protest, Jeongin has you pulled into his strong chest and tucks your head under his chin gently. “It’s okay, baby. I got you.” he sighs, rubbing small and slow circles on your back just the way he knows you like. He places a small, chaste kiss on the top of your head because he’s learned over the years that the action relaxes you and makes you feel secure.

Jeongin knows you like the back of his hand. Sometimes he thinks he knows you better than he knows himself. He knows your favorite food, your favorite season, your favorite movie. He knows how much you love to read, having periodically skimmed your shelves for books you may have and promptly buying you ones that you haven’t already buried your nose in.

Most importantly, he knows exactly what to say in order to subside your bad moods (he’s well seasoned in this field), and that sometimes you say things you don’t mean yet he never - and will never - hold that against you.

He knows just how much you loved Seungmin, not even wanting to imagine the amount of absolute heartbreak you’re feeling. Despite all this, he can’t help but feel somewhat relieved. You and Seungmin undoubtedly wouldn’t have worked in the long run and that’s exactly what you desire and deserve: a stable, long term relationship where you’d be taken care of and treated like the absolute goddess that Jeongin thinks you are.

He just wishes you give him a chance to treat you like his- more so than he already does now.

“Thank you, In,” you mumble into his chest.

“You don’t need thank me, baby. You know I’m always here.”

You did know that, you’ve always known that. Jeongin doesn’t let you doubt how much he cares for you, he’ll spend every waking moment reminding you if he has to.

You pull back slightly to look into his eyes. “I always end up burdening you with my problems.” Jeongin’s eyes soften at your apology and all he wants to do is hug and kiss and cuddle you until he thinks he’s convinced you enough of his adoration.

But for now all he can do is settle for words, though he can’t help but think it won’t be enough.

“Baby, please don’t be sorry for that. What kind of best friend would I be if I never listened to your complaints or rants?” Calling himself your best friend took more out of him than it should have and he tries to hide his hesitation. Thankfully you hadn’t noticed.

Hearing Jeongin say this makes you realize that he’s treated you better than any boyfriend you’ve ever had. Seungmin never reassured you like Jeongin does. Actually, now that you think about it, Seungmin didn’t do half of the things Jeongin does, even if it was the bare minimum.

He’s always like this, but why does it feel different now?

That’s just his personality, right? There isn’t any hidden meaning behind his words or gestures. Or the way he’s holding you and speaking to you like you’re the most precious thing he’s ever had contact with. The sudden urge to reach out and cup his face is unreal. You just want to make sure you aren’t hallucinating. You wonder how you managed to find such a perfect person who thinks the world of you just as much as you do them. Someone who loves you just as deeply and truly as you do.

Wait what?

You’ve singlehandedly scared and confused yourself all at once now. Obviously you love him and he does you, but it feels as though you love him in a different way. A special way, one that you don’t think you’ve ever felt for anyone. Not even Seungmin, who you once thought was hands down your soulmate.

What you failed to realize, however, was that your soulmate has been here the whole time, and he’s holding you in his arms like he never wants to let you go.

You cut off your train of thought because he doesn’t want you like that and you’re making assumptions that could get you hurt.

Too late.

Another wave of sadness that has nothing to do with Seungmin washes over you.

“Baby? Hey, where’d you go?” Baby. Fucking baby. He’s got to stop calling you that. You want to tell him to stop, so why can’t you open your mouth and form those simple words.

“Mhm, ’m okay.” You can’t even bring yourself to put the tiniest bit of distance between your bodies.

You mentally scream at yourself for sounding so noticeably pathetic. He must think you are. How could he not when you’re making it so painfully obvious?

“Don’t hide from me, baby. You know you don’t need to hide anything from me.” How ironic.

“I’m not- I just-” you huff and lean your forehead against Jeongin’s chest. God, when did he get so…buff? Has he always been like this?

He pulls your head back to force your gaze to meet his. “What did I tell you, hm? Talk to me. I’m all ears.” His arms encircling your body is the last straw before the world comes crashing down on you.

Tears flood your vision and you aren’t even sure as to why you’re crying this time.

Pathetic and dramatic. Great.

Jeongin immediately thinks he’s overstepped now, he took it too far and made you uncomfortable. He removes his hands from you immediately though the action kills him inside, when in reality you want the exact opposite. You want him to pull you closer, you want your chest flush against his to the point where you can feel his heart beating.

“I’m sorry, Innie. I’m sorry.” You finally climb out of his grasp and step away from him. He follows you and with every step he takes forward you move backward until you collide with the wall.

“Why are you sorry when you didn’t do anything wrong? I don’t want you apologizing to me for no reason. If anyone should be apologizing it’s Seungmin, but it’s his fault and his loss, you know that.” You wish Jeongin would stop being so supportive, it’s making it ten times harder to ignore your surfacing issues.

“That’s not the problem, Jeongin.”

Since when did you call him by his full name?

“Then what is it? Is it me? Please I- I just want to help you.”

Your tears have finally halted and you couldn’t be more thankful. You need to be able to properly look into his eyes.

“You can’t help me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

“Why are you being so difficult all of a sudden?”

“I’m not.” You cross your arms over your chest.

Jeongin blows out a frustrated huff. “Why can’t you tell me? Is it because Seungmin and I are friends becau-”

“I love you.”

“I know you do, which exactly is why you should be talking to me right now instead of bottling it all up-”

“No, Jeongin. I love you. Not in a friend way, not in a platonic way. I want to kiss you and hold you and-” You’ve worked yourself up so much you have cut yourself off in order to calm down.

Jeongin’s mouth stays agape for a solid five seconds before he even processes what you’ve said. “You love me?”

“Is that not what I just said?” Jeongin has to bite back his smile at your remark but quickly frowns again at the expression on your face. You look regretful, like you wish you never spoke. You’re just waiting for his rejection, willing it to come faster so you he’ll leave and you can wallow in self pity by yourself in the comfort of your bed. You disturbed the peace that was your friendship.

“I- the breakup is still fresh and you aren’t thinking straight, baby. Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Jeongin pleads. Is he trying to convince you or himself?

“But I do mean it Jeongin. I really do and I can’t believe it took me this fucking long to figure it out and I wish I’d never caught feelings because this is just a shit show now.”

He goes to speak but you quickly interrupt him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. Just forget about it,” you expect him to leave, or to at least move away. But he doesn’t, instead he leans in closer to your ear and whispers in a hushed tone,

“Didn’t I just tell you to stop apologizing, baby?” The way he says ‘baby’ sends shivers down your spine, it’s different than the other times he’s called you that. This time his words actually do have a hidden meaning. His breath ghosts the shell of your ear for a moment before he slowly pulls back to look at you. As if he hasn’t studied your every feature to the point where you’re engraved in his mind.

“You have to promise me that you actually understand what you’re saying and that it isn’t the post breakup neediness talking.” He looks at you sternly and fully expecting a response in words.

You, on the other hand, have absolutely no intention of speaking as you instead grab him by the collar of his hoodie before pressing your lips against his.

Kissing your best friend is much more intimate than you ever expected. He kisses you like it’s not the first time and with more than enough purpose. It starts off aggressive but soon simmers down into a delightfully slow and passionate rhythm and as cliche as it sounds, it’s in this moment that you finally know where you belong, where your home is.

No matter the circumstances, Jeongin always left a space for you in his heart. His subconscious wouldn’t let him fill it with someone else even if he wanted (which he didn’t), forever waiting for you to find the spot with your name written all over it and stay there for as long as you may live.

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tags: @skzstarnet @godslino @myseungsunglove @seungseung-minmin @azuna-sz @chanyeolsrealwife

[grace-williams-xo]

Why not

Assigning Bridgerton’s to a level on the Vegemite scale

[For the purposes of this exercise; they are for all intents and purposes Australian, and mentions of marmite will get you blocked. I’m KIDDING. Am I though… marmite sucks]. Also, they all use butter you fucking heathens.

Violet: 2; she just wants a little extra flavour, but she isn’t a complete weakling. Won’t eat it in any context except on toast.

Anthony: 6; he just wants to feel something. Complains cheesymite scrolls don’t have enough Vegemite.

Kate: 3; but rarely eats it with without cheese.

Benedict: 3–4; but with cheesybite. Ya know, that fever dream where they briefly called it iSnack 2.0? Frankly, ahead of its time with that name. Benedict is its number one fan.

Sophie: 0; she doesn’t eat Vegemite. [This was a real deliberation bc Yerin Ha is the only actual Australian but also most of the people I know who don’t eat Vegemite are Asian (not Wasain)]. She thinks Vegemite is the absence of culture, but straight up calls Benedict’s cheesybite an affront to humanity—and she’s doing her part to stop him because she’s certain he’s the only one left buying it atp.

Colin: 4–5; but more than that, he’s the guy putting Vegemite on everything. Steak. With avocado. There’s a recipe on the Baker’s Delight website using broken cheesymite scrolls to crumb chicken, he’s making that too. If Vegemite isn’t one of the first few foods his kids try, he considers himself to have failed as a parent. The Cadbury Vegemite block was Colin’s idea.

Penelope: previously 2, now 3–4; Colin has increased her tolerance but if he tries to sneak it into one more dinner meal she’s filing for divorce.

Daphne: 6; life is a competition and she’ll be damned if she can’t beat Anthony.

Simon: 3/6; if he’s making it for himself or the kids it’s about a 3 (though Daphne always tells him he’s doing it wrong and promptly takes over) (“they’re toddlers Daphne, you shouldn’t give them that much salt” “generations are built on the back of this stuff, Anthony and I have this much and we turned out fine” “did you” “did we what” “nothing dear”) but for himself Simon usually gets all of his Vegemite fix from just taking a bite of a corner of Daphne’s level 6

Eloise: 2–3; but with promite. She insists she likes it but no one really knows if she actually likes it, or is doing it to spite her family who all can’t stand it or the smell.

Francesca: 1; but she doesn’t have a lot because she’s always having it on a dark extra grainy bread that she claims doesn’t need much more flavour.

Gregory: 4; he has a Vegemite and cheese toastie every single day. Also, he was the one who submitted the name iSnack 2.0.

Hyacinth: 7; there is no toast, only Vegemite. There is no Hyacinth, only Vegemite. Violet is very concerned for her health. Anthony is too, but Violet says it’s his fault and influence.

[ryuzakemo128]

I hear the train a-comin', it's rolling 'round the bend

Pairing: Joel Miller x Hitman! Australian! Female Reader

Content warnings: Graphic deaths, established relationship (aka Joel is aware of her), swearing, betrayal, age gap? (reader is 31 and Joel is 40+ years old). No mention of y/n.

Words: 684

Masterlist

Credit for dividers (& template): @cafekitsune

Note: Female reader is read to be tall, aiming to at least 6 feet 4 inches tall, possibly taller if you wish to view it that way. Boomer is your nickname in place of y/n.

Summary:

Hands that took lives even before the collapse of the world.

You killed enough to know how to get what you want without having the notion of guilt tearing up your insides.

The human mind is truly the most, if not one of the few, the scariest things of all. You are proof of the concept. Providing, killing, taking, and giving. One murdered man here and a life saved there. All given by the same hand.

Hands that took lives even before the collapse of the world.

You killed enough to know how to get what you want without having the notion of guilt tearing up your insides.

Heartless? To some, you might be.

To others, you are selfless as they come.

Perhaps rough around the edges with a distant, cold stare.

One that couldn’t care less whether you would be alive or dead tomorrow.

Deeming yourself ‘dead’ already and everything now is a fever dream.

“You enjoy talking about things you know nothing about. Pathetic, really, it makes me wonder what self-gaslighting it took to make yourself believe you were any better off than most others. Good for you. You fucked it up, now you have blood on your hands, and where did all of that bring you?”

“Right. Where. You. Belong.” each word a stab to his senses. You weren't going to take a betrayal from your supplier lightly. A mistake to get him involved. A mistake to think you wouldn't notice the change in his demeanour.

“Back to me”

The chill in the air was subtle enough to prove she wasn't fucking around any longer.

“One thing perturbs me, though. Like a leech, it won’t stop bothering me, did you or did you not acquire help from outside the confines of your trade routes?”

“Are you the reason five of us are now dead?” your pointed questions thrown out like they were bait to throw him off guard. Likely because of your upbringing. Can’t trust someone you don’t know, can you?

He couldn’t hear the trader’s responses, his answers to your questions. He silently hopes you choose to be somewhat merciful to the trader he undoubtedly double-crossed. Yet he knows who you are. What you are capable of.

You would have been a doctor, a forensic pathologist and a hitman. Dealing with death in both aspects. But now you’re something else. Something more.

Something he doesn’t know what the name of it is or if there was a name for what you were becoming.

Monster? Perhaps.

Murderer? Depending on the context.

Paranoid? To a certain degree, everyone is. Especially now.

A guttural scream, a gurgling sound of blood, betrayal was a betrayal. The five bodies were proof of the trader’s ignorance, according to you. Plunging your thumbs into the sockets of his eyes, worming their way down to the innermost core of his skull. Twisting his neck until the snap cut off his cries and his attempts to claw his way out of your strong grip.

The man stood no chance against a woman of your stature, your looming height is enough to prove it.

The question is now: Who are you really? What are you trying to prove?

The old world is gone.

What are you trying to prove?

The words echoed in the silence that followed the trader's demise.

The room was a tableau of horror, the smell of blood thick and metallic, a stark contrast to the cold, sterile environment of your former life.

The man's lifeless body slumped to the floor, a macabre testament to your ruthless efficiency. You stared at your blood-soaked hands, feeling a strange sense of detachment from the scene you'd just orchestrated.

'He deserved it.' you think. 'Five dead because of him.' Your heart was racing, but your mind remained eerily calm.

You took a step back, surveying the grisly scene with a cold, analytical eye. The trader's betrayal had been a mistake, one that would cost him everything.

You had no patience for traitors in this new world.

You had no patience for those who play with the lives of others.

A white sheet had been draped over the top of the body by the time Joel walked into the warehouse. Across from the body, ‘Dead men tell no tales. I'm watching. Always watching.’

[skaruresonic]

Do you have any opinion about this post? It proposes that a key element of Shadow's characterization is loyalty, and the reason portrayals like SA2, '06, TMOSTH and Prime are beloved is because Shadow is loyal to something (I would add Forces as well), while others like Boom and IDW fall flat because he's only in for himself.

(some of the tags, of course, are all "sega take notes, everyone gets it but you", which is funny for multiple reasons)

I want to agree with it more than I do. The way it's worded makes it difficult for me to be fully persuaded, because it seems to be missing something.

I feel like the post is a bit over reductive. It's already an exercise in futility to try to boil Shadow down to one or two traits because he contains multitudes, nuances, and subtleties; it'd be like distilling Eggman down to "evil scientist" and then ignoring all the ways in which his manchild behavior molds his character archetype.

The others have limits on their loyalty. Sonic will help you out, but he’s not gonna kill a man for you. Shadow will. He doesn’t have that limit. If you are Shadow’s friend and you need him to kill for you, he will do it. Period.

Idk maybe it's just me but something about this style of analysis rubs me the wrong way. When people make declarative, emotionally-loaded statements about the characters that Sound Good on paper but don't hold up to close scrutiny. If you're going to assert something this lofty, you need to provide concrete examples. When did Shadow kill for a friend in the games? When did he express the willingness? Can you give me an example?

also lmao "Sonic's not gonna kill a man for you," Sonic will absolutely kill a man if he fucks around and finds out While I agree with the overarching idea that loyalty can be an important part of his character, if we're talking post-ARK raid Shadow... You kind of have to be honest about the brand of loyalty he possesses, because his loyalty looks very different from Amy's or Tails'. It's a specific, hardwon type of loyalty. It's begrudging. It's that "Pssh, what? I don't care. Feelings are for wussies" kind of loyalty, if anything. Like, it took Rouge dragging his unconscious ass home, a three-day-long fever dream, and her twisting his arm just to get her to begrudgingly call her "ally." You know what I mean?

On the other hand, I disagree with the notion that an overt lack of loyalty inherently makes him unrecognizable, since self-determination is an arguably equally prominent part of his character. In ShTH, you're just as free to ignore the wishes of your partner characters and go your own way. Cue the Fleetwood Mac.

Framing it as though loyalty is the linchpin on which his character rests risks defining Shadow solely through his relationships with others. Note that I'm not necessarily saying his relationships aren't important, just that they're not the most important. Agency and the right to determine his own destiny are vital parts of his character as well. He didn't just tell Rouge "And I will fulfill my promise to Maria; that's the only thing that matters to me now" in SA2. He first told her "Even if my memories aren't real, it's still me, Shadow."

...I'm not sure why OP decided to include Archie and X in their analysis, considering Archie and X are dead and have no bearing on Game!Shadow's character. Not sure what's meant by Shadow being "loyal" to Amy in MoSTH, either; I don't really have context for that since I didn't play it. If I had to guess, however, methinks OP may be mistaking Shadow doing something kind for Amy for friendship or loyalty towards Amy. You can do kind things for others without necessarily being "ride or die" for them.

This is where the post really loses me. Shadow's backstory doesn't need to be expanded upon at this point in the series; they've already dedicated at least three games and a handful of adaptations to his tragic backstory. We don't need to keep returning to the same well again and again. Surely we can do better than to navel-gaze. And the reasons why "he's like this" ought to be clear to anyone who's played the games, since they're fairly self-evident.

"But what about pre-raid Shadow?" I hear someone inevitably ask. Well, yes, Shadow displays obvious loyalty toward Maria, Gerald, and the ARK as a whole, but certain ShTH endings notwithstanding, it's not a blind sacrificial devotion. Regardless of his loyalty, he exercises the agency not to act like a mindless weapon in the hands of his creator. He possesses reason and more importantly, uses it. He still has enough presence of mind to seek to undo "all the evil the Professor has created" in SA2.

Even before the trauma of the raid and Gerald's programming went and deeply mucked up his sense of self, he was preoccupied with notions of self and identity, for understandable reasons. He wasn't purely a lapdog for Maria or the researchers. I feel like swinging the pendulum in the polar opposite direction and saying "Shadow is defined chiefly via his dedication to others" because it swung too far into "Shadow is a hyper-macho jerk" territory isn't a balanced stance to take.

Like this post is arguing from a Watsonian perspective, as though IDW!Shadow's jerkassness indicates some sort of internal selfishness, when the Doylist "Shadow was just written like shit in the book" will suffice. Shadow has a character outside of his relationships to others, just as Sonic and Eggman do. He's quiet, introspective, and in all honesty, he comes out with some hard-hitting lines sometimes. "This is the final voice of the last war machine," anyone?

Sorry if this reply is all over the place, I'm just writing down thoughts as they occur to me lol. Feel free to add your two cents.

[seraphfighter]

15 Lines Game

Tagged by @totentnz and @glitchinginthegarden <3 This was surprisingly harder than I thought it would be lol

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture their character/personality/vibe. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you’re free to include those as well. I'm hijacking this addition because it's really fun -> if you wanna you can send me one of these and i will give you context/ a snipped of what it is from! (you could also guess the context if you like!)

Of course, all of these lines are from Val.

"And how many times do I have to say we need to have this conversation? I’m being realistic. We don’t know if I’m going to survive this.”

“What? Are we resorting to fuckin’ like joytoys in a rented room now?”

“I still feel like this is all just a fever dream and I’m going to wake up and be shoved back into the nightmare.”

“I’d rather die than crawl back to you.”

“And I’m going to puke if I have to look at your face for another second. You’re free to go.” 

“Nice one, smartass. Do you want a gold star for that? I meant where did you get these? Half of them are barely holding together.”

“Be like what, Johnny? How the fuck do you expect me to act? Ain’t exactly like we parted on good terms.”

“Don’t you ever fucking speak his name again. I’ll rip this goddamn chip out and kill us both. Do you understand?”

“Listen, you’re welcome to stock the bar with all the alcohol you want. Otherwise, stop bitching.”

“Nobody even uses pennies anymore."

“I fled my own party all because of some words a merc said. Seems pretty fuckin’ stupid to me.”

"Absolutely not, that's hideous."

“If I'm staying then we gotta do something about this because I am not drinking black coffee every day.”

“I grew up on the streets. Looking pretty wasn’t exactly high on my list of priorities.”

“I ain't exactly a saint myself. Fuck, I kill and steal for a living."

No pressure tagging: @tarmac-rat, @streetkid-named-desire, @merge-conflict, @bloodydragam and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

[disappearinginq]

Fic Writer asks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 12 and 25?

the last sentence you wrote Technically, 3 sentences, because they don't make a lot of sense without context: “You moved the fucking river!” Jamie shouted, grabbing John by the front of his jacket and shoving him against the wall. “You moved the river - this is your fault! What the fuck is the matter with you - don’t you ever think more than three seconds in front of you?! You could’ve killed him, he almost died, he still could - because you never fucking think.”

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring Ugghhh....a lot? Currently tooling around with my own characters, but in fandom - Bobby Nash, Will Trent, Jamie and Kayce Dutton, and Charlie Hudson (only the most recently opened documents)

3. how do you feel about your current wip?

Which one? I tend to work on so many because one or more will just wind up irritating me with something or another, I'll get stuck, and rather than not write anything at all, I'll just start something new. Right now though - irritated at all of them because THEY WILL NOT WRITE THEMSELVES AND THAT IS TERRIBLY RUDE.

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet Given I literally just mentioned as mostly a fever dream to @amandagaelic - a modern crossover between Yellowstone, Bonanza, and Big Valley, because I love westerns in almost every shape and form, and I think it would be funny as fuck if Victoria Barkley slapped the shit out of John Dutton for how he treats his children, and Adam, Jamie, and Jarrod would hit it off well being The Brains of the Operations, and I think The Spicy Younger Siblings Heath, Little Joe, and Kayce would be hilarious. And probably dangerous. But mostly funny.

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP Some of these are just hilarious out of context:

"One hundred percent real birds." - 9-1-1 Bobby and Buck Mistaken for Related fic

“You know, that game for kids - you get your own whiteboard and you have to draw pictures that will make your teammate guess the clue you have.” - Will Trent fic dealing with aphasia

They were used to close quarters, working and living with one another day in and day out, 365 days of the year, but there was a difference when you were cold, wet, and miserable. - Yellowstone fic where Kayce is caught in a flash flood

“Would you like it in Spanish? No. How about German? Nein. French? Non. It’s not happening. It can’t be done. Do you have any idea how many people have died trying to do it?” - Next chapter of Consequences for Deception

12. a trope you’re really into right now

I was actually discussing this again with @amandagaelic - a trope that I seem to use a lot is problems with communications. Either a character can't talk, won't talk, shouldn't talk - but I seem to like forcing them into other ways of communicating rather than just spoken.

The other trope is "I'm so fucking mad at source material because this could be brilliant BUT YOU RUINED IT AND NOW I HAVE TO FIX IT". :-D I think most hurt/comfort/whump writers have a really specific trope they like, like above all others, but I really like them all. Or, one where it's Found Family not Romantic Interest that is the one that helps them out.

25. Besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

Oof. I actually rehomed my horses, so that's one hobby down. Photography, cooking, gardening, and crocheting. Tried the knitting thing, and no me gusta. It takes forever even if I like the end product a smidge more. Gardening - every time I'm left alone, I wind up with a new garden. And I always have something poisonous growing in them. I have like...nine aconite/monkshood plants that grow almost six feet tall, henbane, foxglove, poppies, datura, etc. I don't like people picking my flowers. Photography - we have a running joke about. My sister goes on vacation with me and comes back with 900 photos. I come back with 5000+ and that's not even a joke. Cooking - not to be compared to baking - I love because food is delicious, and I like trying new things all the time.

[msfbgraves]

okay but daniel in the sexy black ck gi was terry’s wet dream so i am grateful we got to experience that even though it should have stayed a wet dream

(danny looked great tho 🥵🥵)

Here context made it more palatable to me. At first, I thought: ah, they're going to change Miyagi-do into Cobra Kai because of course these fuckers would. And I still feel that Axel taking Robby out like that should have been an immediate disqualification. They were going so hard on the parallels, weren't they? Bobby got disqualified!! But no, instead they only used it to take Miyagi-do out of the race. Fuck that noise. Miguel should have been able to finish that for Miyagi-do, and they should have been hell bent on safety at the Sekai Taikai since they already killed a kid.

But if they are in this awful fever dream, and they should not have been but OK, if somehow Miyagi-do got put so far behind through foul play that there was no point in fighting, and that by forfeiting, Samantha could help a friend, that is exactly what Miyagi would have done. "If karate fought for stupid metal trophy, karate no mean nothing. If karate fought to defend honor, defend life, karate mean something." Samantha didn't need the trophy or the opportunity, and she granted that chance to Tory. Who needed both to defend her honor and life and who would not have accepted it unless she fought for it. That is what Miyagi-do is. Johnny going: "Well it's great for you but I don't know how not to fight"? Imagine if Sam had fought, and won, how would that have fed anyone but Sam's, and by extension, Johnny's ego? She fought so she didn't have to fight. And then, of course Daniel would be a sensei to Johnny, now it meant helping both Tory and Miguel. That's an utterly understandable motivation. It was the right thing to forfeit, and now it was the right thing to help. So then I'm glad for it.

Now, am I glad for Daniel giving Johnny Cobra Kai at all? What, are you nuts?! "This kind of teaching that I disagree with, that should have stayed dead and that you can't pull off without help, I'm gonna facilitate"? No!!! Good Lord almighty, that's like saying " assholes will always exist so I might as well join the Russian Army."

And it is the ultimate fuck you to Terry Silver that he never got to see it (or did he, ha! He may see it after he finishes his treatment for hypothermia).

[ruvviks]

hellos and goodbyes section for cassidy. tee and hee and so on

oc asks!

FATE: does your oc believe in destined meetings? true love, soulmates, hearing the bells? have they ever experienced this?

cassidy is on all levels incapable of thinking about this for too long because it will drive him 100% genuinely insane. his whole life has been dictated by his fear of accidentally somehow killing everyone around him through conflict with them because this has continuously happened throughout his childhood and he's only recently learned it's just horrible bad luck and coincidences and not some higher power controlling his every move. he often wonders and worries if he's just living in a simulation or if he's already been dead for a very long time and this is all just some sort of fucked up fever dream and he's VERY scared of just. the concept of something else being in control of him and the decisions that he makes and where it leads him

from an outsider point of view it does really seem like everything in his life has happened in that very specific way to get him to where he is right now. i can't explain this without mentioning the entire timeline and that would take us three months to do so you're all just gonna have to trust me on this. it's fine

MEET STRANGE: what's the most memorable way your oc has ever met a new person? was it a good experience? bad experience? just plain weird? how's their relationship with that person now?

in short: target for a contract. was supposed to just kill the guy. took him a year to decide to eventually not kill the guy. instead helped the guy get rid of the people who hired cassidy. then befriended the guy. fell in love with him. got together with him. and now they're married

to give a little bit more context: ever since reid broke up with cassidy at maxtac, cassidy has been on complete autopilot. every interaction he had with people after it meant nothing to him because he wasn't really there to connect with anyone, he was just talking to them because he had to for something and that was it. the guy in question however proved to be so un-fucking-killable that it snapped cassidy out of his autopilot and caused him to finally feel alive again. i don't think it can get much stranger than that

PAST: does your oc have any past partners? how did the relationship(s) end? are any of their exes still in their life, and if so, do they get along?

cassidy used to be together with reid for 3-4 years give or take. i did the math. but. it was kinda on and off at some point and reid was being difficult and cassidy was clueless so just trust me on the numbers. either way reid was a bit of a cunt back then (understatement) and ended up coming back to really fuck cassidy over big time. we're talking trying to force cassidy and his boyfriend apart and then handing cassidy over to kang tao kind of fucking over. Big Time

however!!! this failed fantastically of course and cassidy is fine now. and reid was probably most likely going to be killed but cassidy still saw good in him and wanted him to live. lots of things happened after that but tl;dr they're fine now. besties. reid helps cassidy with baking and lets him do his hair and they work together occasionally on gigs or at the club reid works at and it's all good but mein gott the effort it took to get there. story for another time

EXIT: has your oc ever had someone important leave their life in a way that was unremarkable, unintentional, or clumsy? how do they feel about it? is there any chance they'll meet again?

most people who disappeared out of cassidy's life just straight up died. honestly. i genuinely can't think of anyone who just vanished other than michele, who had it all planned out from the beginning and just ditched cassidy the moment she was done with him. she Does in fact return =^) and then nearly destroys the entire friend group and almost gets several people killed. so. that went well

FIRST: has your oc ever been the one to leave first? why did they go, and who did they leave behind? do they regret it?

cassidy has much like aubrey never been the one to leave first. he always gives it his everything; always feels like he can fix situations, he can make it work, no matter what, and he's never abandoned anyone in his life. which makes the fact that everyone around him just kept dying even more insane. he was just a little guy he was trying so hard why is this world so mean to him :(

LOSS: is there anyone important to your oc who has passed away? how did they handle the loss?

cassidy's parents and siblings died on his 8th birthday and he has still not recovered from it and also hates his birthday now. then everyone at the orphanage he was sent to died when the building collapsed, and then his adoptive father ryu also died after some old gang members showed up to their house and killed ryu before cassidy could jump in to help. all of that is what caused cassidy to just go completely numb and led him down the path of joining militech, and then maxtac, and then kang tao, and then become an assassin. he's still not over their deaths at all especially when seeing all his friends with their family members and he Knows it shouldn't matter because he is Loved now. and he's not alone. but it still hurts

FUTURE: is there anyone your oc is looking forward to meeting or to seeing again? who? what might that meeting or reunion look like?

for a pretty long time, cassidy really longed to have reid back in his life because he missed him :( and wanted to be his friend :( but he also knew that it probably wouldn't be possible because of how reid used to be as a person and well considering the whole kang tao thing. cassidy was right for that. but now that they've worked through all of that and survived everything that happens in the militech arc together they ARE in fact friends again and cassidy genuinely couldn't be happier with it. reid is the only person from his past who made it out alive and that's just. such an important thing to cassidy. and also to me

[infiniteorangethethird]

okay getting possessed by the creative juices and imploding from just thinking about your blorbos is something I felt deep in my bones, like your description of the experience is the most relatable thing I've read in a long while, I FEEL you man and SAME and I'd love to read about all your little guys any time, whether it be Simon or anyone else

since you asked for it you don't get to be judgmental, the series I'm referencing is Lego Monkie Kid. It's based on the Chinese story Journey to the West and to be honest the entire thing feels like a fucking fever dream (in the most positive way possible). Like someone went and took this centuries-old story and decided to revive it in the form of legos, of all things, and the end result is a shockingly coherent and phenomenal work of art that surpasses most other shows I've seen in a long while, with stellar animation and a soundtrack that makes me cry every time I hear it, and all the while not only acknowledging that this is a remake but specifically reveling in the fact that retellings have always been a part of human nature and can take many shapes and forms, while still managing to create a unique story that's extremely captivating and honestly soul-shattering at some points. A lego show has no business being this fucking good and yet it is and I don't think I could do it justice with me being as sleepy as I am right now. All I can say is please please watch this shit yes the first season and a half might seem a bit cheesy but I promise promise promise to you it's necessary and all worth it it gets so good so fast

(when you think about it this paragraph is a good illustration of my first point lmao)

oh I agree you probably couldn't even become a writer without being at least a little unhinged, it's just that (this piece included) anything I write always has a second layer of context behind it that makes me relate to my pieces on a deeper level that I never manage to properly convey through the writing itself, so anytime I share it with others I'm also vibrating to tell a whole ass novel's worth of explanation on the background details 😂

and yeah the feeling of getting an emotional high and immediately wanting to tell someone about it? I get you. I feel you. and ur so damn right for coming here this is the place where you can let out all that bottled up emotions if you so desire like yess tell me about the things in ur life that made you happy and yess share with me all the good things that happened to you

hi

first of all, please ignore (even delete) this if you're not in the mood because half of this'll be essentially just a rant, sorry. a positive one, but a rant nonetheless. i just wanna share with someone, preferably someone who knows what i'm talking about/what i mean. also please tell me if you don't want me to appear in your ask box like this ever again.

second of all, i wanna apologize for not writing you back, i just fucking forgot (seems to be a reoccuring theme with us ig). but if you wanna, i'd like to continue the conversation, especially that i haven't even heard about the second guy.

third of all, not to make you even more jealous but i think that our creative writing professor is a fucking genius. like holy shit.

the whole class i was adhd-ing so hard (so maybe having it doubled is not that good for my brain, oops - especially that we talk a lot and, well, listen to each other a lot and it requieres focus. anyway). i was fidgeting through the whole class and i think i hit the chair next to me like ten times and i wanted to scream because i was sure i was annoying, visible and sometimes even somewhat loud about it and eh. thankfully, we had a ten minute break and i think it was somewhat better after that.

but! onto the positive part! i was last to read and it gave me some anxiety beforehand but i really enjoyed reading and i think i said things nicely plus the feedback and i was very quickly in a good mood aaaand dopamine lol. then we played a game which was nice and also game!!

and then he said what we have to do for the next class which is esentially a retelling (any mythology, any type and even like any time-period? as in you can write the story again, like the song of achilles or place it in modern day or whatever. so like. how cool is that???) and here comes my fav part because i have been planning an orpheus and eurydice retelling with simon and adalaine for a while and i plan that as a big project, like a full book preferably but. still. i get to work with that! and i get to work with simon and adalaine! for my creative writing class!! absolutely losing my shit

anyway if you'd have an exercise like this what do you think, what would you write?? i'm so curious (i'm just generally so interested in the topic of retellings. like they're so cool). also if you wanna write it, i'd love to read it.

also curious about what do you think, what work of yours would you read out loud to get to know your writing at a class like this/at a writing club or smth?

also how are you?? hope you're doing ok.

sorry for the rant again. and for not writing you back. yeah

bestie hi hiii !!! don't ever feel bad for wriggling into my inbox it's always a pleasure seeing you here in my little corner of the internet! and it's always so good to hear abt what shenanigans you got into, seeing that we haven't seen each other in ages :( (speaking of which, any chance of you hanging 'round budapest in upcoming weeks perhaps?)

damn ur right u are making me kinda jealous hehe. but more importantly I'm so happy for u man!! you get to share your stories with an audience that listens and gives good feedback that's some really good stuff and I'm happy you get to experience that! and you know my opinions on Simon and their pals so the idea that you're gonna have written material for them (as in, more than there already is)?? damn now I really just wanna read more of your stuff 😩 (I mean. only if u want me to. like I'd love to read whatever you write for the class if ur comfy sharing 🥺)

Tbh I'm not much of a reteller-type - don't get me wrong I get feral about stories that manage to both acknowledge their roots and the fact that they are a different story to those roots, my current fav series for instance does a phenomenal job at this imo - I just personally prefer to tell original stories bc I feel I dunno, less limited? Still if I had to choose it would probably be Icarus's story, I know not the most original but the concept has me screaming crying foaming at the mouth and a lot of my little guys could fit into the story almost frighteningly well. Then again as much fun as talking abt my guys in an academic setting sounds like I'd probably be insufferable 😂

I'm not sure if I have works I'd be comfy reading in front of a class lol, most of what I already have is either unfinished/unedited or a 20k fic on ao3. but if I absolutely had to choose it'd probably be this one bc 1) it combines all my fav parts of writing (poetic wording, dark themes, utterly incomprehensible metaphors...) and 2) it's short so it won't take me ages to read it out loud lol

anyway don't feel bad for not answering you know exactly how my own short term memory works (hint: it doesn't) lmao. it doesn't count if we're both shit at replying to each others' stuff that just means were even 😂 (but seriously though I really don't mind I know how sometimes the brain just does a backflip unprompted)

and seriously feel free to rant at me any time you like as we already agreed normal chat apps <<<<<< tumblr when it comes to communication (but only if I can rant back at you hehe)

[metalandmagi]

I’m once again going to talk about the most insane Disney Channel Original Movie franchise

Hello, and welcome to me screaming about the latest movie in the most bizarre Disney Channel Original Movie franchise ever created, ZOMBIES 3. I’m a grown adult woman, and yet I can’t stop myself from going feral every time they announce a new one of these movies. Every time I think the last one was a fever dream, they make a new one that’s even more colorful and 10x crazier. 

Here are my thoughts with absolutely zero context:

Zed wants to be the first zombie to go to college when his best friend is a literal genius who works for a tech company who any real college would be begging to accept...what the fuck is this movie?

Not only is their school football team pro monsters, but they’re also co-ed!

I’m calling it now, the town’s “most precious thing” is going to be Addison.

DON’T MAKE THE WEREWOLF GUY LIKE ELIZA, SHE’S CLEARLY A LESBIAN! 

We got 10 minutes into the movie before getting a song??! 

THIS MOVIE THAT RELIES ON SO MANY CHARACTERS WEARING WIGS HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BUDGET FOR GOOD WIGS!

I love that no adult in any DCOM knows how to act.

Is one of the aliens non-binary?

Is the alien mothership voiced by RuPaul?

EJ FROM HSMTMTS IS IN THIS MOVIE!? AND HE’S BASICALLY THE SAME CHARACTER?! And Meg Donnelly is going to be in the new season that airs on the 27th...this is begging for a crossover or a meta joke. Something, I’m begging you people!

Okay for real though, No Doubt About It is a bop.

There is a rival school whose mascot is an Eel named Eely and they have a...friendship...rivalry...romance(?) with the Seabrook shrimp?!

Love that they imply that a teenage boy, (Jacey?), has had multiple nose jobs. Also the Aceys are definitely in a polyamorous relationship. 

They named the frozen yogurt place “Coach’s Froyo” 😆😆😆

I see we’re continuing the tradition of Addison punching Zed in the face whenever he surprises her.

I appreciate that we’re not dicking around and drawing out the realization that Addison is part alien. We all knew she was going to be after the second movie’s teaser.

I love that we get a song about aliens invading and a song about interviewing for college in the same movie.

We’ve gotten about 70% less Bucky, and Idk how to feel about that. Also his choice in hats has convinced me that he would be the ideal boyfriend for Ryan from High School Musical.

Why do the judges for this high school cheer off seem so awkwardly horny? Also do they know the aliens are actual aliens...or do they just think that’s their team name? I’m assuming they know...in which case, they seem pretty chill about it.

How does Seabrook afford to have different cheerleading outfits for every competition?

Does this movie have a different choreographer? The cheerleading sequences have so much less energy than the first movie’s. I know the song Addison’s singing has a slower tempo...but the moves are so bland. I guess this is what happens when Bucky isn’t the team captain.

If y’all thought Addison’s white hair wig was bad...get ready for her BLUE HAIR WIG.

Oh wow, Addison is the town’s “most precious thing” who would have guessed?

Addison’s dad is so chill with his wife and daughter being descended from aliens XD These adults went from being extremely racist/species-ist to just shrugging and accepting an alien invasion.

The werewolves in this movie can barely enunciate while wearing their fangs!

I literally don’t care about any of this alien finding utopia bullshit, I just want to see Zed and Addison in college together.

It’s not a ZOMBIES movie without a reprise of Someday.

Addison’s best friend sings literally one solo line in this movie and it’s enough to make me want a whole musical with her as the star. 

Seabrook must exist in a vacuum because these aliens would be real disappointed to find out that Earth sucks as much as it does. 

Werewolf leader and non-binary alien are going to be a thing!? I’m here for it!

Omg Zed and Addison singing the last song around the lightbulbs as a callback to the first movie 😭

I don’t know whether to be happy at the expectation subversion of getting aliens in this town before vampires...or sad that I don’t get to see this universe’s take on vampires.

The message of this movie is that conflict doesn’t have to be bad. Love perseveres, conflict can make us stronger if we come together to face our problems. This makes sense in a vague, idealistic way, but the conflict that the town was facing originally was essentially racism. So...I feel like they might want to rethink that one a little bit. 

I also want to appreciate how non-binary alien’s (I should really remember their name by now) “feelings” for Zed were purely used for comedy and no real drama comes from this. Addison and Zed are a supportive power couple and have literally no conflict with each other throughout the entire movie, even when Addison believes she has to leave him behind.

Overall, the songs are better than the second one’s but still not as good as the first’s. And I wish we’d give up on these movies having a plot and focus on this crazy cheerleading obsessed town again. 

Anyway, I want a million more of these movies. But this one went straight to Disney+ so my fever dream might end here...

[cherrywrites626]

Fighting Chapter 32 Sneak Peek

You’d think after a night spent running his hands all over his roommate’s lithe form and becoming privy to those sinful little moans that found his insides igniting in strange new ways before ending the encounter literally curled up together on the floor almost completely in the nude that Lance would have gotten a slightly better handle on where it was they stood going forward.  And yet, there he was.  Still just as in the dark as he’d always been when it came to Keith.

Not that he couldn’t gather through context clues alone there had been something appealing about the whole ordeal while smack dab in the midst of said mind-numbing pleasure.  Nobody that wasn’t also a renowned porn star should have had the capacity to fake the way the Slytherin responded to his touch like a man finally being allowed his first sip of ice cold water after months of nearly dying from dehydration.  Of that much, at least, he was near certain.  

When it came to whether or not it had been a one-off situation or if he’d ever be permitted a repeat performance sometime in the next century, the answers to those and many other very serious questions were kept woefully out of his reach.  And not only by his own hand.

The fact that he was still too confused by the whole whiplash effect of his roommate’s hot and cold approach to their recent delve into multiple makeout sessions to ask the guy outright and risk coming off as clingy or sappy or, Godric forbid, so into everything that had transpired he was willing to chase that feeling into a third, fourth, fifth, and quite possibly hundredth time was one-hundred-and-fifty-percent undeniably his own stupid fault.  But the rest of the mess that followed said confusion was arguably outside of his control.

Keith had somehow managed to awaken the morning after that fateful night early enough to slink once more from beneath the tight cocoon of his arms despite what he thought was a clear invitation to remain a permanent fixture glued to his chest, this time without so much as a terse goodbye uttered in warning before hightailing it to the safety of his room for reasons unbeknownst to Lance.  

He had, perplexingly, taken special care to drape a thin blanket over his naked form so as not to leave him both shivering and miserable in the process, but that small act of kindness did far too little to soothe the ache he felt when it then took hours more for the other to emerge from his bedroom with nothing remarkable to show for their time together save a small nod in greeting.  As if the whole thing was just the craziest fever dream Lance ever had the misfortune of experiencing in his lifetime and that was that.

Were it not for the evidence to the contrary in the form of a telling mark still blooming a faint purple on the otherwise alabaster skin of the Slytherin’s neck, he may have even believed it were possible, watching the boy putter around their shared kitchen while silently preparing coffee with the kind of careful neutrality regularly exhibited in the days prior to their shameless tryst.  

Almost as if it were any other Sunday in February and Lance’s entire world hadn’t already been kicked so far off its axis it was dangerously close to hurtling into the deepest reaches of space…

It wasn’t that he wished for things to suddenly become awkward between them.  Far from it, the itch he never quite realized sat just beneath his poor excuse for self-control until it decided to rear its ugly head a little over a week ago begging for him to go back Keith into a corner and snog that ridiculous mouth senseless for deigning to be so fucking hot and warm and perfect while slotted against his own.  

Even as he knew better, the consequences for once again attempting to open that confounding box of trouble be damned.

---------------------------------

As always, check out the last update here, and look for this one... hopefully in September but we shall see how good I am at splitting my time going forward.

[kitkatpancakestack]

In response to this. I am replying in a new post bc I have the "no sense of brevity" flavor of ADHD so I know this is gonna get long.

@yramesoruniverse thank you so much for asking, as a matter of fact I do have some thoughts *cracks knuckles*

Let me preface this by saying I am not going to sit here and pretend I don't spend 90% of my waking hours ruminating on this. We all know what we're doing here. That being said, I have considered several variations on how I would love the 9-1-1 team to deliver this:

1. Let's call it the "Two Trapped Dads" scenario:

I implore you to consider the ANGST and POETRY of Buck and Eddie getting trapped somewhere, as civilians, and being forced to depend on each other in order to survive. The serve of this hypothetical scenario would be made more rich set in the context of them having had an argument, or just there being some kind of withstanding tension between the two that has been ignored and left to build to a nauseating degree.

(Side note: I love Buck and Eddie because when they fight it's never with any real animosity. It always stems from the terrifying magnitude of their Love for each other. It's not arguing, it's just them caring about each other very aggressively. Absolutely iconic.)

ANYWAY, in this scenario they careen into disaster over Christopher, as I see it playing out that for some reason they believe only one of them will be able to 100% make it out alive. I imagine the tension has been building since the guardianship bomb and Buck regresses to what he believes he does best, which is being a sacrificial lamb, which shoves their moment from 4x14 back into the forefront. It would force Eddie to not only seismically double down on what he said, but literally spell out to Buck what he means to Eddie, not just Christopher.

Example:

Buck: Obviously you're the one that's getting out, you have a son waiting for you.

Eddie: Screw that, you mean just as much to him as I do.

Buck: I'm irrelevant unless you're dead, Eddie, and there is no way I'm letting you die here today.

Eddie: You're such an idiot, Buck. How can you still not get it?

Buck: Get what?

Eddie: We're a family. All three of us. What did you think that whole will thing was about, anyway? Christopher and I . . . there's no us without you.

jfc someone stop me before I write an entire script, but I think you get the gist of this one.

2. Next we have the "Just-Tell-Me-What-You-WANT" scenario:

The Drama Queen in me is obsessed with this one. It would, unfortunately, require a significantly laid foundation between Buck and a love interest (Taylor ig? It's not important, tbh). Originally, I had this scenario flipped, but since we as a fandom have collectively established Eddie as the Pining Idiot in Love, we're gonna switch it up.

So, again, Buck would be progressing significantly in his relationship with [insert intentionally poorly-defined love interest here]. In the fallout of the guardianship scene, I can still see him struggling with how to untangle his Feelings about what Eddie said to him, and losing himself in the disingenuous familiarity of "Buck 1.0" (I am with Eddie in that I hate his software updates but it's canon material so there you go). The escalation of this hypothesis results in Buck contemplating taking the next step with Taylor or, more realistically, contemplating moving out of the city with her as she's been recruited for a promotion elsewhere. I could see Eddie coming over to Buck's place and them discussing this, because they discuss everything, and Eddie just getting more and more exasperated because Buck doesn't look happy but he won't stop and think, he's just barreling ahead as usual. And so Eddie calls him out.

I think it would be something like Eddie going, "What are you even doing? You obviously don't want this."

And Buck being like, "I'm not discussing what I want with you."

and Eddie just exploding, "What? What do you want, Buck? You never express what you really feel so just . . . what do you really want?"

And Buck just going fuck it and grabbing him and pressing years of want and need and love into Eddie's mouth and yeah *fans face* I'm FINE.

3. Finally, the "Wait-For-Me-To-Come-Home" scenario:

Ideally a season finale moment, paralleled to the other couples on the show. The episode would feature a series of calls relating to couples/families experiencing some degree of separation but always finding their way back to each other. At the end there's a montage of Bathena, Madney, Mavid, Henren etc. reuniting after some sort of contention and then it would stop on Buck alone in his apartment, sitting at his table identical to what we saw in Tsunami Pt. 2, completely overwhelmed by how quiet it is and how alone he feels. And maybe Buck is considering something he heard on one of the calls. Whatever the situation, it ends with him heading to Eddie's house and it's late, like two in the morning late, and the final scene is Buck knocking on Eddie's door looking wild-eyed and desperate and there's no dialogue, just them. And Eddie opens the door wider and steps back as Buck steps in and they just stand a breath's distance away, just staring at each other, and then Eddie closes the door and everything fades to black and *flings myself off a cliff*

Bonus: I call this the "Fever Dream" scenario because I dreamt it when I was, in fact, feverish and hallucinating after my second COVID vaccine:

Buck is out running an errand before going into work and ends up in a robbery situation where he obviously intervenes and ends up getting hurt. The episode would open with the 118 being unable to reach Buck and ragging on him, and the first call they respond to is, indeed, Buck on the verge of death. The rest of the episode would then show the sequence of events leading up to that moment and finish with Buck and Eddie in the back of the ambulance, and Buck just touches Eddie's face, or wraps his fist around the St. Christopher necklace hanging around Eddie's neck, and Eddie is Not Handling Things and then Buck flatlines in the back of the ambulance and jfjdsaldflja somebody stop me before I write a fic *flings myself off another cliff*

As you can see I haven't thought about this much at all. Also, you deserve a fucking award if you made it to the end of this.

I have buddie brainrot! They're actually ruining my life! I have lost control! I'm doing GREAT!!!

[ready-to-obeyme]

Scenario: (Reverse AU) Game character MC is also the exchange student

for context here is the HC post I made with the [Reverse AU]

//hehe i’m pretty happy you all liked that post so much-- biggest uwus-- but tbh I had  really hard time trying to title this LMAO  

--

Lucifer

Tries really hard to act cool with it-- he really does

The moment you are summoned into the Devildom he has to turn away and compose himself before giving his spiel/introduction about the exchange program, how it’s a year, how you’ll live in the House of Lamentation-- (oh fuck oh god you’re going to be LIVING with them?) 

On the outside he is composed

In fact he’d rather die than reveal to you that he’s not okay that you look AND act like the character he was deeply invested in the game

His brothers definitely know though, so any point he shows weakness they WILL pounce on it and tease him about it by hinting to you about your game-character look-alike

He doesn’t really seek your attention (like canon) mainly because he keeps getting nudged by Diavolo into interacting with you (“don’t they look familiar, lucifer?” and “why don’t you get to know the exchange student more, lucifer :^))))))”) 

In comparison to canon, probably treats you a lot nicer just by default-- coddling to the MAX (what can I say he plays favorites) 

Can’t bring it in him to really get mad, buys you gifts to leave at your door for your hard work as an exchange student-- but literally everyone else knows he’s spoiling you

anything cute you do KOs him and he has to compose himself with breathing exercise lmaooo 

Mammon

Basically this [post]

SIIIIIIIIMP

Considering the type of money he blew on the game, the fact that you’re real means that the money will now be pooled to you instead of game-character you 

When you got summoned and you called him over the phone, he legit thought it was a game call??? And was so confused because why did you mention Lucifer

When he comes and complains, he legit shuts up so quick when he sees you because (wheeze) is that-- is that really--

“Mammon, you’re going to take care of all their needs here during their stay--”

“NO PROBLEM” 

He’s so sweet towards you and takes his role to take care of all your needs very seriously

You’re craving something? He’s got it. You need to buy something? Say no more. Avatar of Greed is here for you baby

You have no clue why he’s being so nice to you, but you think he’s the nicest demon and person you’ve ever met

Like usual, protective over you and sticks by your side-- so really, has much changed? He’s been putty in your hands since the minute he laid eyes on you 

He’s not too careful about keeping the fact that you look like a game character though so when you ask him about it he freezes and stammers through an explanation (you think the game is funny though)

Levi

SIIIIIIIIIMP

Sees you and immediately freezes, turns around and goes back into his room to freak

It’s literally a dream come true?? To have a game/anime character be real????

Peeks and looks at you again to confirm your name, how you act, and what you look like

He’s the embodiment of “Un-Follow Me Now, This Is Gonna Be the Only Thing I Tweet About for The Next Week.”

He makes fan cams of you alsdfkjaslfjksjf and admires you from a far for a while

He’s a little afraid to approach you because what if you don’t like him?

Kinda adorable when you approach him because he’s soooo shy 

Tries really hard so that you’ll like him-- not that he really NEEDS to because you’d like him even if he wasn’t extra sweet-- but he’s convinced he needs to bring his A-game at all times

Remember what he did during the otome game chapter? He’s your husbando, baby, and he made your bento with LOVE

Probably still plays the game for a while but honestly getting to know you organically is 100x better than seeing you through a screen

Is a Complete Mess whenever you do something cute or wear cosplay-- how do you breathe again???

Satan

The only one that’s not a mess that was highly invested into the game

He’s surprised-- of course-- when he sees you summoned in the Devildom because what a coincidence to see someone look exactly like his favorite character in the game

Then you acted exactly like the character and had the same name and he had to take a little breather because his heart was beating so fast (be cool, Satan)

Legit wants to throw hands with Lucifer there and then when he gets a roast-y introduction from him 

Spends the rest of his time from then on being courteous and sweet and trying to make the best impression possible without being too extra (lookin’ at his other brothers cough)

Invites you to places and hang out with him like in canon and treats you normally best

Gets you gifts that he knew your game character liked in-game just to test to see if you really are like the character

Becomes a little secret experiment for him to see what the similarities are and if there are any differences because it’s honestly just really funny for him to see how alike the two of you are (and if Simeon is behind it just like how he is with TSL) 

He’s all chill until you dress up in cat-ears for some school event and he can’t even look at you without getting heart palpitations

Asmodeus

“Ohhhhh wow!! You know, you look suuuuper similar to this one character--”

Has absolutely no qualms with revealing that you look like a character in a game he plays and gushing about you and the character

tbh ofc he’s the only brother who has the finesse to make this revelation casual and no-big-deal because he wasn’t very invested in the game but he played the game enough to have you as a favorite

Right from the get-go is very friendly towards you and wants to get to know you better

He wasn’t very invested into the game in the first place, but you BET he’s gonna drag you to his room to dress you in cute clothing

He can’t unlock all of the game-costumes or your cute cards, but having you give him a mini fashion show is way easier and a lot better in his opinion

And the fact that you’re real and he can touch you? Ugh, say no more

He’s a very tactile, touchy person so being able to hug you and give you affection is making this 100x better than just gushing about game-character you 

You are on his Devlilgram ALL the time-- and takes a bunch of pics with the two of you together in all the possible poses and filters he can find; he can’t get enough of you!

Beelzebub

Considering how little he invested into the game, he probably doesn’t even realize the similarities between you and the game-character you for a long time

His brothers probably have to bring it up for him to realize

“Beel, don’t you think they look exactly like the game character?”

“...............oh.”

He probably starts asking questions about you just to check if you really are the game character that everyone is talking about

You don’t even know why he’s asking you what your favorite food is or what is your opinion on summer festivals-- but you feel kinda happy because he’s asking so much about you

Does eventually tell you about the game and seriously talks to you about you being a game character but that he’s liked you regardless anyways 

Honestly… doesn’t treat you that differently ngl he was already sweet to you from the beginning (after he, you know, gets over his food getting eaten)

Belphegor

He’s REALLY confused when he sees you as the exchange student

Thinks he’s still asleep and dreaming for a hot second because there’s no way that his favorite game character would actually manifest in reality 

Then you talk to him and he’s like “..................oh.” (twinssss)

Lowkey gets more invested into the game after seeing you because if that’s not a sign he’s going to get the next UR he doesn’t know WHAT is

Definitely asks you if you can dance (yknow for the dance battles)

A little shy at first, mainly because he doesn’t know how to react, but once he warms up to you, treats you as normal

This is all assuming he is NOT IN THE ATTIC

If he IS STUCK IN THE ATTIC, the first time he sees you walk up the attic andn find him is like a fever dream and he thought he just manifested you because he was desperate 

A little paranoid that this is just a hallucination or a trick of his mind-- because go figure he’d go insane being stuck in the attic and being addicted to this game 

Definitely soften his tone when talking to you and a little weirded out that you’re the exchange student

You have a high chance of NOT dying by his hands because he has a soft spot for you and getting to know you :)

[meeko-mar]

Here's some pain;

Obviously this is way more fic fodder than an actual prediction of any sort,

What if, when Katsuki starts really going after Izuku do get through to him, and he gets Izuku pinned down...And Izuku still tries to get him to leave him alone.

What if he thinks that it will... drive Katsuki away to confess his feelings?

TW for feelings of internalized homophobia, and I guess perceived notions of homophobia?? Izuku is basically afraid of his feelings, as usual.

..

As part of the whole idea that he's suppressing, and sort of has internalized homophobia against his crush on Kacchan...So he assumes the logic that if he's afraid of his own feelings, Kacchan would probably be disgusted, enough to give up on him, to leave him. Or at least shatter his concentration enough for Izuku to escape. It will hurt, and it's his last resort, but if he wants Kacchan to keep his distance, he might have to just do it. Because he does love Kacchan and needs to keep him safe. (and he has tried literally everything else to get his classmates off him, to no avail)

So he screams it, right into Katsuki's face, because again, he's been pinned.

"Don't you get it?? I love you!! I always have!" He cries. "That's why I can't be near you!! My feelings are only going to get you killed!!" (he has related this to the rest of the class already, but this instance is specially for Katsuki, insert a mess of Izuku's emotions about Kacchan nearly dying for him once already)

But instead of disgust, and letting him go, Katsuki keeps a hold of him, and his eyes change. At first he is a bit blindsided, but quickly resumes his resolve.

"You...Asshole!!" Katsuki growls, also in Izuku's face. "So what, You want ME to have to Watch YOU fucking die instead cause you won't let anyone fucking help you?! Is that better? That's somehow ok?!"

"You fucking love me?? Bullshit!" (stay with me here)

"If you love me so fucking much, why don't you fucking act like it!! Why don't you think about how I feel watching you drive yourself into an early fucking grave like everyone who came before you!?"

His fists clench tighter around Izuku's tattered costume as tears start streaming down his own cheeks in the rain.

"What about how I feel about you, huh!? You think you're too good to wanna stick around long enough to find out??"

Izuku is obviously SHOOK(his ploy didn't work?? Kacchan isn't rejecting him?? Or is he?? What is happening here, he did not account for this response...)

Eventually they manage to wrangle him up. Take him home.

Katsuki hovers as he heals, making sure he doesn't bolt again. He seems to be looking at him with brand new eyes, though Izuku knows he's being considered a flight risk and thinks that might be the soul reason... but also there seems to be another new context to the look of those red eyes.

They have conversations, calmer, but they still skirt around *those feelings*, pretty awkwardly. The whole class can tell what's going on, too(I imagine that they at least heard the tail end of when Katsuki was yelling at Izuku about it)

Anyway, Izuku reluctantly...very reluctantly, agrees to work with UA and his friends. With many, many discussions that pretty much amount to Intervention and THERAPY talks with all involved(and after a lot of rest to get into a better mindset), he realizes how terribly they were worried about him, and are still worried. And eventually, that it's not fair to shut them all out when they are trained as much as he is and deciding for themselves to be involved.

He still doesn't like it, he is still terrified...He still believes/knows he's got to keep searching for AFO...but now accepts that his friends are going to try to help no matter what he says and accepts their help, accepts Katsuki's help. AM comes back and they make up, and AM ALSO tells him to make sure he's ok before taking care of everyone else again.

As Izuku slowly adapts to having a home base and becomes less of a flight-risk, Katsuki's still always lingering in the background, or acting by his side, like his right-hand man. I think once more paralleling the Second watching over Yoichi.

Izuku honestly can't tell what Katsuki actually thinks about the whole love confession, and he's actually afraid to ask and open that pandora's box again. So for a while he acts like it didn't happen. It all feels surreal and like it could have all been a panic-induced fever dream for all he knows.

But, unbeknownst to Izuku, the reason Katsuki isn't really saying anything is because he's actually kind of assessing his own feelings. He knows he cares deeply about Izuku... but is it love, is it THAT kind of love? Can he properly even return those feelings, does he deserve to?? And then again, he's ALSO questioning if Izuku was genuine about his love confession or if it was some sort of fake out to get him to leave him alone or shock him. And if it was, he'd feel really stupid and pretty hurt if he came to confess only to be rejected by Izuku. (which, might happen anyway, because Izuku's still terrified that his love is going to get Katsuki killed)

Anyway, he's read Izuku horribly wrong in the past before, so he wants to really make sure he's reading the signals right.

The kids in their class, while obviously occupied with patrols, the ongoing tension of AFO lurking out there, communicating with the Heroes and the International reinforcements, etc etc, are absolutely AGGRAVATED by these two dancing around the issue, and for not giving all of the tea-seeking kids of their group closure after that dramatic day where they had fought Izuku and the two of them had SCREAMED at each other about feelings. (again)

Like even Ochako tries to (gently) get the truth out of Izuku cause she knows how crazy it can be to have a crush when you're preoccupied with saving the world.

Maybe one night Katsuki and Izuku are out, I'm thinking high up where they can see UA grounds...Maybe the roof of the building? Perhaps doing a look-out patrol.

And they start TALKING.

Katsuki straight up starts the conversation because he knows, and we all know, that Izuku would be tight-lipped about it still. He just straight up says "So are you ever going to tell me what the hell you meant that day?"

Izuku FREEZES, but he decides he's probably avoided this for long enough...can't put it off forever.

Katsuki looks at Izuku and finds him looking so, so insecure, confused, and grimacing with a blush as he looked away.

"Oi, Deku." He startles Izuku, "Were you....Were you lying to me?"

Izuku looks so bewildered by Katsuki's new tone. There's a hint of insecurity in his voice

"Sorry--I'm sorry... I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have said it like that," Izuku fumbles with the words. "I used those words to try to push you away...I thought you'd hate me, and if I could get you to hate me, you'd let me go, and I was so scared, and it was a really really desperate strategy..." he's doing his trademark muttering by now as panic sets in.

Katsuki steps closer, eyes burning with intensity as he looms over him. "But was it a lie."

"It was the wrong moment, for the wrong reason...But..." Izuku sucks in breath and feels his heart hammering. Forces himself to meet his eyes with Katsuki's. "It wasn't a lie."

Katsuki's eyes widen, and they both kind of stall in the moment as it all settles in and the wind blows between them.

"I'm sorry," Izuku blurts, and blushes furiously, starting to turn away. "I shouldn't have pushed this on you," He's giving in to his instinct to bolt.

Katsuki catches him by the wrist. Izuku turns, and meets Katsuki's smoldering eyes again. "Don't you go running off without hearing what I think again, damn nerd. Last time it nearly got you killed."

He runs a hand through is hair and looks away, and by now is also blushing. "Dammit. I'm still trying to figure out how to be around you. I'm still trying to relearn how to be your friend...At least, a friend who's actually worth a shit."

Izuku nods quietly, they've also had their discussion on their past/Katsuki's apologies by now, so Izuku is understanding of where Katsuki's feelings are coming from.

"And...Deku, you dumbass, why would I hate you for that??" Katsuki glares. Izuku flinches a bit.

"Well I..." Izuku mumbles. "It's obvious, right? I thought you'd be grossed out... I'm not a...Neither one of us is..."

"Not what, a girl!?" Katsuki scoffs. "Since when does that fucking matter?? You don't decide what the Hell grosses me out, Deku. " Izuku looks at him, SHOCKED, but his eyes shining.

The hand that has him by the wrist squeezes just gently, and feels really warm.

Katsuki sighs, and looks downward. "As long as you're not lying to me about something like that. Don't ever fucking lie about this kinda shit."

He finally looks at Izuku again, eyes large and shining. His hand pulls Izuku forward just gently.

"I don't know...Fuck...Give me time...Okay? There's still a lot I gotta do before I can..." He cuts off, still blushing and wrestling with the emotions. but the remaining words 'before I can say it back' basically hang, unsaid, in the air between them.

"But you gotta promise me you won't go and get your stupid ass killed before I get the chance, got it, nerd?!" Katsuki adds hastily.

Izuku feels his eyes start to burn as the warmth wells up inside him, and a smile spreads across his glowing face. He laughs a bit, feeling the nerves bubbling over, paired with a sudden sort of relief. Kacchan doesn't hate him for what he said, and even might return the feeling. What a good feeling. The best thing in a while. If not all the more terrifying.

"Okay, Kacchan" Katsuki blushes at how stupidly cute it looks for the light to be returning to Izuku's eyes, and that dumb smile lighting up freckled cheeks...Something that the Katsuki of a few weeks ago would have given anything in the world to see, right there in front of him.

Feeling the urge to bring back their previous mood, Katsuki grunts some sort of quasi-insult, like, "Don't get any more weird, backwards ideas like that, Deku. I'll kick your ass."

Izuku laughs again, But then suddenly, everything is ruined; A massive jolt to his head strikes him and he suddenly withdraws his hands from Katsuki, clutching his head and doubling over.

Danger Sense.

"Deku! Hey!" Katsuki grips him by the shoulders(partially in panic that Izuku might fly off by instinct without second thought to a plan of any sort, like old habits) "What is it!?"

Katsuki's legitimately scared as Izuku sinks to his knees; Izuku's had Danger Sense pings while staying within the walls of UA to heal before(that they had to CONVINCE him not to pay attention to, or rather send one of the other students out in his stead), but nothing this obviously severe.

Little Brother, The voice rings in Izuku's head again, and his blood runs cold.

Gritting his teeth, Izuku's eyes then shoot open, and look with terror to the horizon;

"It's him...He's coming..."

---

sorry this was long. probably imperfect.

but I had to get it out of my head.

And then somewhere in or in the aftermath of the final battle they actually share a kiss and Katsuki says it back. It's nice.

I really think, Katsuki would probably legit have few hang-ups about being gay, his attitude is "don't fake who you are or how you feel", Mr. "can't even fake it to survive a kidnapping encounter with villains and would rather try to explode them all even though he's outnumbered". He'd be like, "what, you like boys? fine, then, what's the problem?! Like boys all you want!"

In this scenario I think he's way more concerned over if he's a worthy partner for Izuku, or if he's able to reciprocate, rather than "am I actually gay and if so what does that mean"

And as of 320, let me just say that Izuku is SO FRIGGIN SCARED, it breaks my heart. Like he's legit terrified and I think our suspicions that he was deeply deeply traumatized by the war arc are exactly on the money. the line "AFO is going to take you all away from me" while flashing back to the losses in the war including Kacchan....JUST SHOOT ME, IT MIGHT BE LESS PAINFUL.

Can't wait for the main UA kids(IE, his closer friend circles) to have their turn trying to wrangle Izuku up.

Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you liked this.