#to love so openly and freely and willingly

[lanaevyssmoved]

👀 what if I was interested in that Gale poly rant but in a positive way?

LKSJFDLKFJGDFG i can't use the rant on you then because it would be too clinical and i would angry swear sometimes probably

but honestly like. first we need to talk about halsin . wait first we need to talk about poly as a sexuality

i'm going to try and not turn this into a massive character analysis or analysis of queer identity in media etc so i will attempt to retain my humour throughout to ground me

people who are poly tend to sit on either side of a coin. poly is a preferred state of relationship, or just a state of relationship they enjoy, and they can do just fine with monogamy, and everything is chill - ultimate relaxed person mode. the other side is the group of poly individuals who view poly as important to them and their sexual identity as being straight or gay or bisexual or pansexual or any other identity. for them it is part of the queer umbrella and it is fundamental to their being, they can't turn it off, they can't be ok with monogamy, this is who they are.

for reference, halsin is the latter. poly is part of his sexual identity.

halsins poly rep is, spoken from a poly person, ok. it is ok. it's not good, it's not bad. it's mostly the stuff around halsin i don't like. (and i am not going to talk about his drow situation, for reference, because that shit goes beyond poly rep.) making halsin token poly, for lack of a better word, would realistically be fine in most situations, in fact i've talked with aisling about this and i would have preferred they made him poly with no poly options in the game to go with him over what we got - we can't forget he was added late, he isn't as fleshed out, he feels a bit misplaced sometimes, and his poly goes hand in hand with that. he could have existed as a poly character, which nearly all wood elves are in canon, without shoving in some poly options for him with existing companions who would explore that with anyone else despite the game allowing you to romance those companions with the other companions if you play as them? and they flirt with each other in banter quite regularly? i don't know. it feels very like, o shit we gotta make him poly he's a wood elf! and he's a druid! but we have no options for him! who are the easiest to add without it feeling odd??? like idk. it doesn't feel great from a poly pov, and if you enjoy like halsin x shart x tav or halsin x astarion x tav that's totally cool - i am not dismissing these at all because i don't fucking care about canon so even if it didn't exist in canon in a way i don't really like, i would still be cool with it.

our poly rep leaves much to be desired, tldr.

i am happy it exists, however. and my hope is that one day in the future when we have an rpg where every romance option is bisexual or pansexual that they are also poly. that is my ultimate ideal for the future of these situations in gaming. i know some people are uncomfortable with poly, but that's why we refer to what i first said. you can have characters like halsin where it is fundamental to their being - they will never be monogamous, you cannot change them. but you can also have individuals who are cool with monogamy if you're not comfortable with polyamory. i want characters who will date each other on their own, and you can join the polycule, or get involved with just one of them. i want devs to be open minded and not give us a token polyamorous character and instead explore it in better ways.

i have known many poly people, i've dated poly people of both sides of the coin, i've been involved with people who are married to someone they don't live with but have nesting partners (a partner they live with who isn't their spouse) and multiple partners on the side and follow the hierarchy side of poly. my ex helped me understand poly as a sexuality and they also didn't subscribe to poly hierarchy and all their partners would be equal. poly is an expansive identity and it deserves the attention and respect other queer identities do.

a poly person creating poly ships and poly situationships with a character or characters who are confirmed monogamous is the same to me as a gay person creating gay ships and gay situationships with a character or characters who are confirmed straight. and that might be divisive, because many people, including queer people are not ready for or not comfortable with polyamory yet in their spaces. now i can be respectful of people who have trauma around polyamory because they were involved with someone who used it as a weapon - usually done by someone who isn't actually poly. but we as poly people deserve to take up space, we deserve to be in your media, we deserve respect, we deserve to be represented well.

and if video game devs aren't going to do that for me, you bet your ass i'm gonna do it for myself. no one can take that power for me.

what exists in my game doesn't have to mean shit for yours - it doesn't exist in yours. it is a thing i do for me to make me happy. if anyone gets upset about that they need to go outside.

please don't cast a witches curse on me

i might come back to edit this ... i haven't proof read it..... this was just screaming <3 i'm too tired to read my own words back

[vickyvicarious]

Thinking again of silence as a theme...

Vampires are silent - not literally, but they don't write documents for us to see. Even the documents we know they do write are all business, not personal records (which thematically contain Truth), and in fact often contain literal outright lies as well as being fundamentally lies (Dracula passing himself off as human).

Vampires silence others. Jonathan in the castle was unable to speak or express himself openly. There's 'silencing' of the mind in a way, with victims unable to recall what has happened to them, or to piece together the evidence that they should by rights be able to recognize. Lucy was literally silenced by becoming so weak it was difficult for her to talk, in addition to not knowing. Mina didn't mention her distress before she knew what was happening to her. Since she has begun turning Van Helsing has specifically noted Mina becoming more quiet overall and attributed that to vampiric influence. She is only able to speak freely at certain times when that influence is weakest (dawn and dusk) and we see it is an effort for her.

The diaries going silent for days while Mina slips further into death is another representation in my mind. Sure, they don't have much to write at the moment, and they do write when they have something to report. But also, she's linked to documents and to sharing information from early on. She's the one who says the thesis statement about it, she's the first one to really start sharing information. She's the one who types everything up in triplicate. And when the men keep her out at first, it lets the vampire in. Then we get the reverse when she requests they not tell her things because the vampire has access to her. The silence also generally reflects inactivity and despair (which vampires love to cause) a lot of the time, as seen with Jonathan's long silences in the castle, or Jack initially ending his diary after Lucy dies and there's nothing left to do for her.

There's also Jonathan's silence during this time. Today's entry written at his request, but not in his word. Days of silence around it. He doesn't speak the promise Mina asks for. Though he does read her the burial service, acknowledging and accepting that she might die - perhaps just not that he might not join her in that state (whether undead or not). He's silent about a lot of his later encounters with Dracula too, and his silence here as he willingly approaches closer to the idea of vampirism himself (so long as Mina is unwillingly doing so) is in a way kind of a reverse of what happens elsewhere.

Both Jonathan and Mina are to an extent willingly silencing themselves (her choosing not to be told things, him not speaking his thoughts) because of proximity to vampires which forcibly inflicts silence on them (the change making her silent, Jonathan's trauma and him not ever shown speaking aloud about it after it's over). And this is all in contrast to a bunch scenes where the two of them are communicating to one another but the narrative goes silent, giving them privacy in a way that isn't connected to vampirism at all.

I just never get tired of it, it's so interesting.

[emthimofnight]

I feel like Stellar is the only one whom Shadow would willingly trade places with if captured, especially if it involved being turned into a weapon again. I wonder how she would react in that situation, especially if she had to fight him.

Oh, Shadow would do almost anything for Stellar. It kind of terrifies him how much he cares about her—he hasn't loved someone so openly and freely since Maria. The idea of losing her is a constant fear for him, and he's very, very protective of her. He shelters her from a lot of her (and by extension, his own) past, so there is a period when she's a teenager that she grows pretty frustrated with his overprotectiveness. He never lets her fight alongside he and Sonic, which makes her feel like they don't trust in her abilities.

Of course, everything comes to light when Eggman discovers Stellar's true nature and wants to use her dormant powers for his own gain. In an effort to draw out the latent power inside of her, he kidnaps her and uses her like a battery for one of his machines. This backfires, as his attempts to draw energy out of Stellar causes her inhibitors to shatter, resulting in a fountain of chaos energy being released. By the time Sonic and Shadow arrive to rescue her, Eggman has unleashed something he can't handle. After all, Stellar has had no practice utilizing her chaos powers outside of what Shadow was willing to teach her, meaning she has little to no control over the massive amounts of energy inside her. She becomes a walking weapon of chaos energy until Sonic and Shadow can manage to snap her out of it.

Once Stellar came to, she was a weak and sobbing mess. She would be so scared and distraught, unable to do much else other than cry and apologize. She would feel horrible for hurting both of them while she wasn't in control of herself, and she'd suddenly find herself afraid of what she was capable of.

[technofeudalism]

❝There is a fundamental question on which it is necessary to fix the conscience of a nation before calling it forth to secure a different system from the one now ruling it. Here are the terms of this question: Do the people have the right to change their social organisation when they please?

It is of the utmost certainty that liberty or slavery is at the bottom of this question. It is equally clear that the henchmen of tyranny always do their best to cloud the issue, trying to obscure its admirable simplicity and the obvious reply.

Supported by the authority of the most distinguished men, known for their profound genius and their love of humanity, socialists at once the most conscientious and courageous, we respond: Yes, the people may and ought to change their social organisation as soon as a change seems necessary, or even useful.

How strange! Even after the abolition of divine right the idea is still invoked to try to stay in power. No one has willingly abandoned power without being forced out by war! Isn't this one of those contradictions, one of those political infamies, which it is impossible to label or describe due to the very inadequacy of words?

What! You are willing to agree that you have come to power not because you call yourselves this or that nor because such blood flows in your veins rather than some other kind, but even more uniquely because the nation has chosen you. And scarcely being vested with the authority confided in you so freely, you have the effrontery to declare to the nation that this authority is your own property and that of your descendants in perpetuity. And then forbid the nation, under the most extreme penalties, from ever thinking of taking it back from you, or even examining the use you make of it, under the pretext that you are inviolable! But you know very well that this is the height of impudence and cunning!

What! In admitting that the nation has actually chosen you, that it actually had confidence in you for a single instant - which I strictly deny - it must follow that you are then permitted to despoil it, abase, torture and kill it, without the nation having a solitary word to say? Is there, really, on the face of the earth, a single man so ignorant as not to feel indignant at such a pretension as that?

Let us state, therefore, as a general thesis: when a nation finds itself under the yoke of a man who pretends to have the right to govern it in spite of itself, that nation has a right, of its own, at any moment, to attack him, surprise him and annihilate him without due process, because his crime is patent. He cannot find an excuse, either in natural right or social right. If on the contrary the head of state has obtained sovereignty only by virtue of the formal or tacit consent of the nation, public opinion must be continuously in a position to make its wishes freely known, to appreciate the sovereign's actions, to applaud or blame him openly so that they can tell him, when it pleases them: Stay longer, or go away.

But, if he imposes silence on public opinion, by corrupting it, intimidating it or suppressing it, he falls into the condition of absolutism. He ought to suffer all the consequences.

Therefore absolute royalty and limited royalty have no other authority than that which the people allow or give to them. When the people wish to resume their rights, those of royalty vanish.

The people are the only sovereign. May they strongly uphold this view. It is of the utmost importance.❞

— Jean-Jacques Pillot, Neither Castles nor Cottages, or, State of the Social Question (1840)

[justdecadentcollectiondestiny]

Every Day: On Aziraphale

Obviously MAJOR spoilers ahead! Click keep reading at your own risk.

Let's get the elephant in the room out of the way first. I am not angry at Aziraphale for his decision. I don't agree with it, obviously, but I understand why he made the choice he did.

In Aziraphale's mind, there could not be a better course of events than them both returning to Heaven as angels. It would solve pretty much every problem and worry (Aziraphale feels) they had ever had. They would both have their jobs back, both be working for the Good Guys, he would be able to use his new position of power to fix the flaws in Heaven, and, most importantly, they would be together, without any of the fear that had been looming over them for the past six thousand years.

Aziraphale is perfectly aware that they are also being offered safety. With Aziraphale as Supreme Archangel and Crowley as his second in command, they could be freely and openly together and in love for the first time in their entire relationship. Which is why he tries so desperately to convince him to go with him, being the most upfront and honest about his feelings for him than he has ever been before. "We can be together!" "I need you!" He believed so much that he could change Crowley's mind for the sake of them being together that he wouldn't accept that Crowley's answer was "no" until Crowley was out the door, until it was too late.

Additionally, we now know that Crowley and Aziraphale did know each other before Crowley Fell, and this adds a whole new layer to Aziraphale's decision. He remembers the angel Crowley used to be, the angel full of joy and smiles, who loved creating beautiful things, who absolutely adored being an angel. Aziraphale loves Crowley, and he would love to see him that happy again. That coupled with the fact that Aziraphale can probably, like us, tell that Crowley misses being an angel leads him to believe that going back to Heaven would be a no-brainer for Crowley. So he is not prepared in the least for Crowley to want absolutely nothing to do with the idea. He can't fathom why anyone would willingly stay on the "bad" side when they had a choice. The question Aziraphale asks of Crowley is "Why would you choose to be Evil when you could be Good?" But what Aziraphale doesn't understand is that that's not the choice Crowley is making here. He's not choosing Evil over Good. He's choosing himself over the whole system, the system that Aziraphale still has hope can be fixed.

And that's where the Metatron comes in. I fully believe that the Metatron manipulated Aziraphale to get him to agree to come with him. We don't get to see all of his conversation with Aziraphale, but we can see that he brings Aziraphale a coffee (trying to get his foot in the door), reassures him that "I've ingested things in my time," that his humanly habit of consuming Earthly food and drink is nothing to be ashamed of (again trying to get his foot in the door by keeping Aziraphale comfortable around him as well as likening himself to him), and pays him compliments that are frankly out of character considering Heaven has regarded Aziraphale as a traitor since the averted Armageddon. But, most damning of all, in my opinion, is the Metatron telling Aziraphale that he could restore Crowley to angelic status. Before this point, Aziraphale was not keen on the idea, even saying point-blank that he doesn't want to go back to Heaven. But the Metatron (like pretty much everybody at this point) knows that Aziraphale is in love with Crowley. He knows Crowley is his perfect leverage, especially since, I believe, he knows that Crowley would never agree to come back to Heaven and he would never have suggested it if he didn't know that Crowley would reject it. His glare at Crowley on his way out the door is enough for us to see his contempt for him, his asking Aziraphale "how did he take it?" seems like strange wording to me (Not "what did he say?" or "what does he think?" Normally you "take" something you don't want to hear, implying the Metatron anticipated Crowley's reaction), and his remark after Crowley leaves that he was "always asking damn fool questions" shows us more of that contempt as well as an attempt to convince Aziraphale that "screw him he's stupid anyway you don't need him." So there you go. The Metatron uses Crowley to get Aziraphale to agree to come back to Heaven, sits back and watches as they both break each other's hearts, swoops back in to pick up the pieces, and now has an angel feeling very vulnerable and alone ready to be escorted back up to Heaven.

I would honestly compare Aziraphale to a cult victim. He's essentially been brainwashed. For countless millennia he has been conditioned to see Heaven as the one and only Good Side, and the angels as the end-all-be-all Good Guys. After everything that's happened over the last six thousand years (the last few years especially), Aziraphale now obviously knows that's not entirely true, but even so, he still has the mindset of two sides, Heaven Good and Hell Evil. And so to be welcomed back to the Good Side with open arms when he's at such a low, to be entrusted with power and recognition by the Voice of God undoubtedly feels reassuring, even though I am positive something small deep inside him is whispering to him that something about this is not right.

More than anything, Aziraphale believes in Goodness. It's quite literally the very core of his being. He wholeheartedly believes that the system is capable of being fixed and that he can be the one to fix it. And not only that he can, that, if he has the chance to, he has to. It's his duty as a being of Good.

Brokenhearted Aziraphale is too stubborn convicted in his values to turn down the chance to change Heaven for the better, and with the bookshop being entrusted to Muriel and, most importantly, without Crowley, he doesn't have much keeping him on Earth anymore.

In the end, it's a combination of Aziraphale's steadfast values and principles, his genuine and unwavering desire to do Good, and Heaven's indoctrination and manipulation of him that leads Aziraphale to leave Earth and Crowley behind and return to Heaven.

Exactly to what end the Metatron wants Aziraphale as Supreme Archangel, I don't know. That's for Season Three to tell us. We'll just have to wait and see.

[ciaossu-imagines]

Maybe I'm asking for a lot, but is it possible to do all of the let's talk about romance prompts for Sanzo ? If it's too much then 💐, 💝, 🌹 and 🌵 please 🙏

I hope you feel better btw

Hey! First off, I'm so sorry this took forever for me to ask. While I had initially been planning on doing the whole prompt list for you, where I am just getting back into writing, getting comfy, and am trying to get the inbox kind of cleared out, I hope you don't mind I'm just going to stick to the four! Thank you so much for sending this in and I hope you'll enjoy the headcanons!

What small things go a long way for your muse? What small favours can someone do to get on their good side?

Okay, small things mentally and emotionally that will go a long way with Sanzo is definitely having patience with him and understanding or empathy. Don't push him too hard, don't put pressure on him. He has enough pressure and enough responsibilities to begin with, don't add to those. Physically, I think doing little things that would normally fall onto him would mean a lot to him, as would occupying Goku and spending time with Goku, allowing Sanzo a little more relaxation time.

What's their love language?

Okay, but Sanzo's love language is definitely quality time as a giver. Sanzo goes out of his way to not have to spend time with ninety-nine percent of the population. He kind of hates most people, even if he wouldn't exactly word it that way. If he's willingly spending time with you, even if he pretends it's a burden to do so because he's shit at showing his emotions openly, and doing so on a regular basis you are important to him. Once he stops making so many cracks about how he wishes he wasn't spending the time with you or telling you to go away or be quiet and just genuinely spends the time with you without making a big deal of it and relaxes around you, that is a form of love for Sanzo. In terms of receiving, I see Sanzo recognizing love in that same form and also in acts of service that a partner does for him.

If asked to define love, what would your muse say?

Now, Sanzo is a Buddhist priest, so I think his first instinctive answer is going to be the Buddhist definition of love - unselfishly wishing the other to be happy, being delighted and happy in someone's presence, and offering your smile, hugs, and help freely to them without expecting anything in return. It's just force of habit though and I think deep down, what he would answer if really pushed is that love is when people allow you to leave, to go and do what you need to do, to grow, but yet you always find your way back to each other, like bad habits you just can't break.

How toxic would a relationship be with your muse? Would it be able to be fixed?

Honestly, this is where I think everyone who is a huge Sanzo fan is going to be disappointed or upset with me. I do think that initially, a romantic relationship with Sanzo would be at least a little unhealthy in several ways. Sanzo is someone who is fiercely independent, who does have both commitment and intimacy issues, and he's someone I could see really having a strongly avoidant attachment style. Depending on his partner's relationship needs and ability to be patient and understanding with him and their own unique personality and attachment style, this can create some or a lot of issues in the relationship. He's always going to be a little bit emotionally unavailable and he will always have some intimacy issues, simply because of his life to date, but I do think these issues can and will become better with time and patience and letting Sanzo get comfortable and his partner showing him time and time again that they are willing to be patient and that they won't hurt him.

[alarrytale]

I don't understand when people say a celebrity is in the closet because they want privacy, it feels like just an excuse to defend closets. Celebrities can be out and still have a private life. Look at out celebrities. Most of them you don't see with partners. They are maintaining a private life just fine. Straight couples need privacy too. Privacy is not tied to the closet. All Tzp has to do is make an IG post and say he is married to a man and would love if fans give them privacy. That's it. People would respect it and leave him alone. The reason people are digging so much and speculating is because they know he isn't being transparent. Privacy is definitely not the reason celebrities are in the closet. It's more to do with their career and image.

Two different views on tzp and privacy. More under the cut

I'm the anon who sent the ask about TZP trying to be private for his mental health. I think we have different definitions of what privacy means. He's living and interacting fully out in the open. That doesn't mean he can't be private at the same time.

Most people seem to think that whatever a famous person does in public is eligible for questioning. People defend invasiveness by saying "if they didn't want us to know or ask, they should have done a better job hiding." But the whole point of queer empowerment is that queer people should get to live openly and freely without invasive questions, both from cishets and others in the queer community.

Privacy includes being able to decline answering topics we don't want to discuss, and liberation includes the freedom to decide what those topics are. It shouldn't be that the only two options for queer celebs is to either hide every aspect of their queerness or share every aspect of their queerness.

As queer people and allys, we need to evolve as a community and help create a third option for everyone who spends any amount of time in the public eye, which is - they get to decide what they share and don't share, and of the things they've shared, what questions they will and won't answer. That's what privacy should be. We all just need to accept that.

Hi, the both of you!

Privacy is not an easy topic. We might have different definitions of privacy.

I think when you choose to expose yourself in order to get attention on your person, to promote yourself and get the most amount of eyes on you to become famous and a celebrity, you can’t at the same time expect full privacy around your person. You are opening yourself up to both scrutiny and adoration. You can’t pick and choose what people should pay attention to or not about you. You can try to only expose what you are willing to share, but i don't think it's very realistic to expect that people won't be interested in your romantic and private life when you are inviting them to project their romantic and sexual fantasies upon them. It's just how things are. Celebrities are fully aware of this, and if there are sides of themselves they are not willing to share with the public, they take steps to ensure privacy. I agree with the first anon, that privacy and closeting isn't tied together. Straight celebrities needs privacy too. I also agree that fans get more intrusive when they know celebrities are not being transparent and are hiding something. People don't want to support, project onto or give their money to people who might not be who they say or presents themselves as.

I also get the feeling that mental health isn't the reason tzp isn't being forthcoming with his sexuality and marriage. Can you be more specific on what you mean by mental health and why you feel like that? Beacause i see a very confident man who is proud of who he is, his husband and family, who willingly shares his daily life on social media, including his husband, but tries somewhat to hide his sexuality and marriage to the public because he wants to appeal to everyone to gain more widespread fame.

[a-waterphoenix]

NO NO NO NO BUT HE LITERALLY DOES AND I’M NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THETIS TAKING HIM TO SKYROS

In the Iliad, it doesn’t seem like many people actually KNOW Achilles has a choice between fighting and dying a hero or living his days out in obscurity and peace. When Agaemennon sends an envoy to get Achilles back, they not only promise to return Briseis back, NOT ONLY to give him all the riches they’ve been plundering (which includes women cause misogyny), but they ALSO promise to give him rewards AFTER the war:

- “All these things will he give you now down, and if hereafter the gods vouchsafe him to sack the city of Priam, you can come when we Achaeans are dividing the spoil, and load your ship with gold and bronze to your liking. You can take twenty Trojan women, the loveliest after Helen herself. Then, when we reach Achaean Argos, wealthiest of all lands, you shall be his son-in-law, and he will show you like honour with his own dear son Orestes, who is being nurtured in all abundance. Agamemnon has three daughters, Chrysothemis, Laodice, and Iphianassa; you may take the one of your choice, freely and without gifts of wooing, to the house of Peleus; he will add such dower to boot as no man ever yet gave his daughter, and will give you seven well-established cities, Cardamyle, Enope, and Hire where there is grass; holy Pheras and the rich meadows of Anthea; Aepea also, and the vine-clad slopes of Pedasus, all near the sea, and on the borders of sandy Pylos. ”

You don’t promise rewards to someone if that person won’t live to see them, and I doubt that they’re trying to gaslight Achilles into forgetting his imminent death if he returns to being a glorious fighter. In this conversation, Achilles is the only one that knows that this war is, at least materially, worthless. When he’s dead, he will not wear the armour of the countless men he’s slain. When he’s dead, he will not have the countless women from the cities he’s sacked. The only good this war is to him is in terms of gaining glory, and by god has he got that. Prior to Briseis being forcibly taken from him, he is a model warrior. For his skill at battle and his commitment to fighting in the face of impending doom, he is revered by everyone. Greece loves him. Troy fears him. Christ, even the Olympians - not just Gods, Olympians - endorse him. When Agaemennon takes Briseis, it’s the first time he and his reputation are openly insulted. His initial reaction might not be interpreted as too much of an overreaction, especially because a) Agaemennon literally displeased a god and had to pay and b) NO OTHER WARRIOR ever got their women shimmied off to serve someone unless they got defeated and killed, but his reaction to full out refuse Agaemennon’s apology definitely seems to be, especially when Agaemennon is literally bending over backwards to get him back. He elaborates why, in the classic Homer style of “the characters speak their feelings”, which gives some more explanation to why he’s being so stubborn.

“Why, pray, must the Argives needs fight the Trojans? What made the son of Atreus gather the host and bring them? Was it not for the sake of Helen? Are the sons of Atreus the only men in the world who love their wives? Any man of common right feeling will love and cherish her who is his own, as I this woman, with my whole heart, though she was but a fruitling of my spear. Agamemnon has taken her from me; he has played me false; I know him; let him tempt me no further, for he shall not move me.”

He isn’t just mad that Briseis has been taken, or that Agaemennon was such a jerk, or even the slight itself. He is mad, because he has served Agaemennon in a certainly fatal war that he -unlike the men who swore an oath to fight - doesn’t need to be in all for the sake of being a respected hero. He is mad because his father, his country, his SON have been lost to him for eleven years and he will never return to them. He is mad because he willingly chose to die for glory, and during his fight with Agaemennon, his glory did not protect the ones he loved. He isn’t just nursing wounds to his ego - he is questioning his underlying goal to gain a place in history now that he sees how little it actually means for him, and he has come up with an answer:

“If great Neptune vouchsafes me a fair passage, in three days I shall be in Phthia. I have much there that I left behind me when I came here to my sorrow, and I shall bring back still further store of gold, of red copper, of fair women, and of iron, my share of the spoils that we have taken; but one prize, he who gave has insolently taken away”

In the Song Of Achilles, Achilles is still consumed by his (and his mom’s) desire to be revered and celebrated like a god, but in the original Iliad? He wants to go home. Right now, he is cutting his losses to save his life and his own chance at joy because being a hero didn’t help him. And he would have gone home, would have ruled his father’s kingdom, would have married, would have had children, and would have died a peaceful death in bed, if Patroclus hadn’t died.

Patroclus, who he has known from his very boyhood. Patroclus, who has followed Achilles wherever fate takes him. Patroclus, who ran to him weeping like he had never seem when the Greeks where under siege. Patroclus, whose safety he thought was guaranteed by his prayers to the gods who’d always answered him. Patroclus, who should’ve been protected by his armour and his sacrifices. Patroclus, whose corpse came back stripped after a god helped Hector kill him.

When Briseis was taken from him, Achilles realized he was fighting for nothing. When Patroclus was taken from him, Achilles had nothing left to lose.

See if I was Achilles I would have simply chosen to grow old and eat bread with my gay lover instead of going off to war where it was foretold i would die. But that’s just me

[jovine]

I never will, but I really wanna reread dunmesh several times and focus on each main character as I go. Everyone has such interesting lore that you can really sink ur teeth into if given enough attention. I also say this because I really really love Laios and I have so much to say about him, but none of the right vernacular. I really relate to his struggles of understanding social cues based on what you find interesting, that's a constant thing I have to think about and I really try to hide it all the time bc I feel like a freak enjoying the human body and human experience in the ways that I do, but he shows this same type of love and interest so fucking freely and yes it comes with shame and frustration and irritation from others, but these are also other people who care about him and openly and willingly listen to his weird interests and encourage it in the right circumstances. I have a lot of feelings as someone coming to terms with having autism and struggling with ig normal intrests

[arrancxr]

Hello, how are you ? Can i have Barragan's fraccion + Di-Roy with a s/o who deliberately show them their throat and stomach in order to prove their trust/love please ?

Findorr

It flusters him horribly every time. No matter how many times you do it, Findorr has a minor mental keysmash with each one. It's partially because of the sheer amount of trust in him you're offering... and partially because a sort of second-hand embarrassment is kicking in hard. When he sees you making yourself so openly, trustingly vulnerable for him, the thought creeps in of what it would feel like if he did the same in return.

Avirama

Quit messing with him!! That's not funny! Avirama isn't sure if you're trying to disturb him or just trying to get a reaction, but it's definitely working. Every time you lie back and expose way too much vulnerable skin, it hits like being stabbed. As he starts to understand that you're doing it to show how much you love him, it almost gets harder to handle. The emotional response that kind of trust drags out of him is overwhelmingly intense.

Charlotte

The show of trust gets to him. A lot. It's strange to imagine a human, of all things, willingly offering up such vulnerability, but the sight of it from someone he loves gives Charlotte all kinds of soft feelings. Expect plenty of gushing over how sweet you are every time you do that— and it's obvious that he's not fully expressing how much that gesture affects him. You're truly precious, to have so much faith in something like him.

Poww

He really doesn't know how to respond to that. You're so very small and weak next to him— there's no need to highlight your inherent vulnerability even more. At the same time, though, your willingness to show your trust in him is oddly impactful. He's not at all worthy of such open affection from anyone, and it's almost uncomfortable, for a while, to see you giving that exact thing so freely. Do you not understand what that means to him?

Ggio

You'll see his face going red every time you casually tip your head back around him. As much as Ggio would like to act cool and unaffected by what you keep doing, he ends up flustered and trying not to show it without fail. You're supposed to be above him! Showing weakness like this isn't fair. It's hard to understand why you trust him so much, and even harder to process the weird, soft feelings for you that the sight of that trust gives him.

Nirgge

It's kind of uncomfortable to see you do that, in a way where it's just... too intimate. Too trusting. It's one thing for you to put up with him, in the first place. Going out of your way to be vulnerable around him is just too much emotional softness for Nirgge to tolerate well. He won't tell you to stop, but it's not hard to notice that he's affected by what you're doing and trying his best not to show it. Humans really are stupid, if you can act like this so easily.

Di-Roy

At the same time that he gets an almost unfair sense of pride out of the sight of someone acting like they're weaker than him, Di-Roy is terribly guilty for thinking that kind of thing about you. Thinking that you actually trust him this much is uncomfortable and difficult to face, and he's bound to snap at you a few times because of it. Still, the trust you're placing in him makes him feel kind of like he's going to cry, and that feels almost cruel.

[softlyearning]

So Kinn, this hardened mafia heir (who is openly gay in a world so removed from kindness) has a self imposed rule of never kissing someone, yet he gives his kisses to Porsche willingly, freely.

Kinn, who presents his toughest exterior to the outside world, still fidgets and wrings his hands and stammers over his words in front of his father, someone he's probably scared of deep inside him (and someone who knows exactly what to say, to hit where it hurts the most), because somewhere deep down, he's still a young boy with a caring heart, thrust into this world of bloodshed and distrust against his will.

His father, who points out that Porsche is probably becoming a weakness, and Kinn, warring with his conscience, believes him anyway, because in their world, weakness is preyed upon and that price is paid with life. (And even if he didn't consciously realise it then, Porsche's life is not something he's willing to exchange, for anything in this world.)

Kinn, who says that all of his people are equal in his eyes, almost loses his mind with worry when Porsche goes missing, so much so that he doesn't even trust his best bodyguards to look after an unconscious Porsche when he's finally found.

Kinn, who never got to be a child (because really, his childhood was probably snatched away the day Tankhun got kidnapped) gets two whole days of freedom, and lets Porsche see him. His inner child.

For the first time, he doesn't have to suppress his laughs, doesn't have to watch his back for the next bullet, doesn't have to weave webs of complex words, doesn't have to flail open debtors. He gets to be excited about fishing, gets to marvel at a sunset sitting on top of a rundown truck, gets to share his dreams next to a campfire, gets to wake up slowly and peacefully, gets to breathe.

Kinn, who probably never sang after that one competition in his childhood (how could he, when his father bought the first spot with money) sings awfully just to please Porsche, because he's become just that comfortable with him. Become just that okay with Porsche's gentle teasing and goading, even wants it, just to see Porsche laugh at his expense.

Kinn, who trusts nobody, not even his closest and best bodyguards or his handful of friends and even keeps a distance from his overbearing father, is helpless in the face of Porsche's unbridled openness, his carefree smiles and his unwavering loyalty, and grows to trust him, almost against his will.

Kinn, who tastes his freedom in Porsche in those two days they are handcuffed together, but makes up his mind to let him go, just so Porsche could live his dream when he himself couldn't.

Because Kinn, who had had his heart broken before, chooses to fall in love again anyway.

[lured-into-wonderland]

She was mainly listening to her therapist speaking. Nunnally might have had some (or, indeed, many) questions, but suddenly she didn’t feel like asking them. It would be like prying into his life, wouldn't it? Or perhaps she’d feel inclined to answer his questions in return. It wasn’t even that she was completely unwilling to reply or to continue this conversation, but it was becoming slightly too much for her. Willingly or not, Lukan had already pushed her out of her comfort zone, and she also assumed that she had told him more than she wished to. Perhaps not directly, but definitely through her reactions and fears.

She nodded when he (gently) refused her suggestion to bake for her. 'Maybe' was usually a polite substitute for ‘no’. At least in her world. But Nunnally wasn’t to convince him to do otherwise: --

“Of course.” -- she agreed, although Nunnally didn’t entirely understand why such a simple thing as baking might have been so heavily loaded for him. Perhaps she had been taught to conceal her feelings all her life? Perhaps her emotions were simply hidden and were not allowed to surface, while he was permitted to express them more freely?

“I…I apologize… It wasn’t my intention to ask for something that’s not comfortable for you.” – she was ready to completely withdraw from this conversation, although a part of her wanted to come back to him for another session. To see where it would take her. But for now: SHE WANTED TO LEAVE. And Nunnally would probably leave if the conversation wouldn't turn (again) to her grandmother. Lukan’s words cause a mixture of relief and anxiety to her. Indeed, it was a relief that she was so openly reassured that she didn’t have to love her grandmother. She never truly had. She had never truly loved her mother either. Even though she was little when her mother died, she mainly remembered being considered a disappointment. By her mother. By her grandmother. By her father (although he was the only person she truly loved; and who loved her?). Despite not feeling loved and wanted, Nunnally felt remorse that she could not have any warmer feelings for them. And now she was being told she didn’t have to.

Though it wasn't that she only had bad memories of her mother...though mostly bad.

Yet, she commented nothing. Only an abrupt move, and her widening eyes could have hinted Lukan that she was agitated by his words.

“Me?” – she finally spoke – “Are you asking me what I think the woman’s role is?” – it was a polite question. And still Lukan suggested she didn’t have to reply, but – in a way – it was one of these very few times that she was asked what she wanted. What she thought. As if she was truly a separate human being and not someone who should fulfill the requirements that her heritage was putting on her weak shoulders.

“I don’t think there is any. Or rather there shouldn’t be any. Everyone…everyone should be allowed to choose the path they wanted to go. But…”

“…but it only happens for a few of us. I am a woman born to a family that have certain expectations towards its daughters. I am not only a woman. I am also a daughter. A granddaughter…so many names to put me in line…”

“…I am sorry…” – she suddenly stopped – “I…I wish to stop for today. It’s…it’s nothing you have done. It’s just me. I am not used to even think about it…even less to talk about it.”

“In my family…there are things that are not to be talked about.”

She stood up looking a bit hopelessly around. She wanted to leave, but not in such a way.

“I wish to stop for today, but I would like to come back. I cannot promise I will talk, but I would like to come again.”

“Lukan…that is Mr. Bhel...” – she started, but she was not sure what she really wanted to say.

“Thank you. I appreciate…your patience.”  

[kpopstanships]

This is a synastry ship request for our lovely Pisces anon. Thank you for your request and your patience darling here you go. 

Pisces and Baekhyun Compatibility

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Good Aspects:

Moon trine Venus: Very strong

You have a natural charm and a way of diffusing tensions in times of conflict. You don't like confrontation and are happy to compromise whenever possible. There is a genuine liking of each other, natural affection and sweetness in your relationship. This energy combination adds to the desire for partnership and naturally gravitates to finding mutual ground for agreement.

Moon trine Neptune: Good

Your emotional bond is so deep that you connect on an intuitive level. That could make you feel so close that it might seem like you were fated to meet and fall in love. However no matter how psychically attuned you might be, you don't always know exactly what the other is thinking.

Mars trine Jupiter: Good

You love being together, no matter what you're doing. You tend toward activity together more than being sedentary. This aspect encourages feelings of togetherness, of being on the same side. This aspect really affects all areas of your relationship and your lives, because it stimulates your sexual connection, your good times and good feelings, and your ambitions.

Sun trine Pluto: Helpful

Your sexual attraction to one another has only been strengthened, because it also intensifies the emotional bond between you. You have both experienced this depth of feeling from the beginning as a sensation of being very well understood. Your bond probably even felt effortless from the start, as did communicating in a physical way.

Mercury trine Pluto: Helpful

Pluto partner helps to open you up to new ways of thinking. In an intimate relationship, you can feel very close to one another because you share so many things with one another.

Sun sextile Mercury: Good

You stimulate in each other the desire to communicate. You encourage each other to talk about anything and everything, and rarely, if ever, do you make each other feel uncomfortable. Communication is open and, overall, quite harmonious. You are able to work together very effectively.

Moon sextile Jupiter: Very Strong

You tend to give freely of your feelings and are able to express gratitude openly and willingly. You tend to be fortunate in attaining and generous in giving of the resources you have.This is an aspect of abundance, generosity, and exuberance. Your giving nature will easily spill over into every project you are involved with and the people you contact as a couple. You will feel happy in each others  presence and find that your joy is doubled. Keeping a sense of adventure and continued learning alive is an important feature of your relationship. You can easily take greater emotional risks with each other because there is a great capacity for openness and goodwill between you. Honest and candid communication is easier with this combination.  Learning to say no, after carefully considering your level of commitment, is an important lesson for you.

Venus trine Mars: Very Strong

Romantic feelings are strong and you are very compatible sexually. It is unlikely that the feeling of being “in love” will ever fade completely, and it is likely that you will both see each other as someone very special and dear to you throughout your lives. Your relationship is definitely warm and romantic and very fulfilling for both of you. Appreciation on both a romantic and sexual nature is a real part of your relationship, and there is an easygoing energy between the two of you that is both long-lasting and positive.

Sun sextile Moon: Very Strong

There is a natural and flowing compatibility. The individuals naturally cooperate with each other a characteristic that is very welcome in most any romantic relationship, as much energy can be squandered when individuals compete with one another. There is a real feeling of being able to rely and depend upon each other, however, that most will appreciate.With the conjunction, sextile, and trine, the Moon person generally comes to rely upon and trust the Sun person’s wisdom, spirit, and personal style. The Sun person, in turn, depends upon the support of the Moon person.

Sun sextile Neptune: Helpful

With an aspect like this one working in your favor, falling in love probably happened quickly! Your communication is enhanced, because you connect on a nonverbal level. You have wonderful conversations, of course, but you also share companionable silences during which your lover knows exactly what you're thinking. They're able to intuit your moods and they treat you with a great deal of sensitivity. This relationship is very inspiring to you

Mercury sextile Uranus: Helpful

You are very perceptive and intuitive with one another, often able to finish each other’s sentences. Open communications figure strongly in your relationship, unless other harsh aspects involving Mercury are present.

Venus sextile Uranus: Good

You share some perhaps unusual interests, and you are usually accepting of one another’s social life, tastes, and hobbies. Love doesn’t easily become routine for the two of you. The Venus person is romantically drawn to the Uranus person’s more unusual and unique qualities. The Uranus person feels appreciated and finds the Venus person particularly charming and attractive. This interchart aspect also encourages creative expression in both partners.

Sun sextile Uranus: Good

Things work best for your relationship when you encourage one another’s independence. There is an electric, spontaneous quality between you, and your sexual relationship is lively, uninhibited, and exciting as well. There is an intriguing level of freedom in your relationship that is rare you tend to encourage each other to “be yourself” and to have hobbies or interests that allow you to grow. This is not a suffocating relationship, and there are frequent changes and new discoveries that keep you on your toes and feeling like you are moving forward.

Jupiter opposition Uranus: Helpful

You've got some strongly defined ideals when it comes to how this relationship should work, but you've probably come up against some opposition with your partner. All those good, well-founded ideas of yours just don't match up with their spontaneous approach to love. This relationship requires lots of room to think, experience and grow on your own as well as within the boundaries of the relationship itself. They push you to newer heights of unusual thinking, and you might not realize when your ideas are just too high-flying and unrealistic. In order to grow, as a couple or as individuals, you have to find some common ground to build on.

Mercury sextile Neptune: Helpful

You could share similar appreciation for the arts, and enjoy talking about spiritual or artistic topics. You very much “get” what each other is saying, and this is a classic aspect for finishing each other’s sentences.

Saturn trine Saturn: Helpful

The strong sense of trust and responsibility that grows between you goes a long way toward creating a secure foundation for your relationship, and it also strengthens your bond over time. You work well as a team, bringing complementary strengths to the table, and you help each other accomplish whatever you set your minds to. Better yet, you help each other keep from becoming complacent in the natural security that characterizes your bond.

Mercury sextile Saturn: Helpful

Saturn offers practical advice and tips that truly improve Mercury’s life. Your Saturn partner listens well, guides, and disciplines you in mostly pleasing ways. Together, you tend to solve relationship problems through careful, step-by-step, and logical communication. Your conversations may be on the dry or serious side at times, however.

Sun sextile Sun: Good

There is a great deal of compatibility between you, for you understand and are in harmony with one another’s basic needs, aims, and approach to life. You build up, encourage, and affirm one another’s worth and self-esteem, and you find one another’s company very comfortable and natural. This is a mutually beneficial relationship.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Negative Aspects:

Moon opposition Neptune: Challenging

You have to do the hard work of staying alert and honest in this relationship. Your lover idealized you from the start, which is dangerous because it sets up false, even impossible expectations that can only lead to disappointment. They are highly sensitive to your moods, and often oversensitive. They may project something onto you that's not even there and react with hurt feelings. Blame could become a popular obsession between you if you're not careful.

Moon opposition Uranus: Semi Challenging

Any tendencies within you toward emotional displays or instability are only heightened by this relationship. What you both need is a grounding influence, a certain level of support, nurturing and sensitivity and unfortunately, you're not likely to get that from each other. The problem is, you won't know how to stop hitting each other's buttons. Something between you just inspires this kind of touchiness that won't do much for any overall feeling of trust or intimacy. In order to make it work, you have to allow for plenty of space within the relationship, if for no other reason than to provide some cool-off time for those moments when you set each other off. But space can lead to feelings of loneliness.

Mars square Mars: Semi Challenging

There can be an inherent lack of understanding of one another’s basic impulses and instincts, as well as how one another expresses anger.  In any relationship, allowing one another space to pursue separate interests will be very important. You might often find that you provoke or push each other, and you should make special effort to bring more tenderness and understanding into the relationship.  Excess energy generated between you can too easily turn to irritation, impatience, and argument.

Moon square Mercury: Semi Challenging

Mercury needs to guard against the tendency to be critical, unsympathetic, and overly analytical of Moon’s feelings, personal tastes, and habits. Mercury may feel that Moon is overly sensitive to criticism, and refuses to acknowledge responsibility for the problem as well. Petty annoyances, minor disagreements, and bickering can be avoided only if you both learn to listen sympathetically and to communicate clearly with each other.

Sun square Venus: Minor Challenge

The value system of the Venus native in this case is at odds with the Sun native’s general outlook and life path. Each person tends to over-indulge the other at times, and frustrate one another the next day. The give and take of the relationship is tallied up, as Venus in particular wants to make things “fair” and balanced. As a result, when one person gives, the other senses that they are now obligated to give something in return. Depending on the natures of the individuals involved, this can be draining or stimulating.

Moon opposition Pluto: Challenging

The confusing emotions that may have developed between you make things difficult for both of you. You project your own emotions onto your partner, which could lead to you feeling wildly and even willfully misunderstood. Sometimes your emotional projections actually help you to understand yourself better and to process your emotions, but this won't be a reliable effect. In fact, emotional unpredictability may be all you can count on! Your feelings for this person aren't stable; you are either really into them, overwhelmed by how powerful or important the relationship seems, or you are just as powerfully turned off, wanting to get away from them as soon as possible. 

Sun square Neptune: Semi Challenging 

There is something mysterious, even confusing between you that will always obscure something more important your partner's true feelings for you, perhaps, or their identity as an individual. It might be that you simply can't see them for the person that they truly are, because something below the emotional surface of your relationship muddies your view. This is as difficult to pinpoint as it is to understand, but the effects are felt by both of you.Your lover might have hurt feelings that they refuse to talk about, and they'll insist everything is fine, even though both of you know that's not true. Or they might make a judgment of you  not a positive one and even though they'll insist they're not being judgmental, the effects will be felt just the same. In some way, there are hidden emotional influences that affect your relationship, and you both have a hard time bringing them to light.

Moon square Mercury: Semi Challenging

Mercury needs to guard against the tendency to be critical, unsympathetic, and overly analytical of Moon’s feelings, personal tastes, and habits. Mercury may feel that Moon is overly sensitive to criticism, and refuses to acknowledge responsibility for the problem as well. Petty annoyances, minor disagreements, and bickering can be avoided only if you both learn to listen sympathetically and to communicate clearly with each other.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Houses:

Sun (Baekhyun) in 3rd House (Pisces)

This is a mentally stimulating placement, where the couple has an understanding of the way the other thinks. They may enjoy communicating often and sharing ideas with each other. One may remind the other of a sibling, but this is not always the case. They both will respect each other's mind and can work well together. This is a highly communicative placement but also active. This is a good position for a love relationship because the two of you will get each other, and have lots to talk about.

Moon (Baekhyun) in 4th House (Pisces)

A feeling of being at home together is the feeling between the two usually after a very short time. You will be very supportive of one another and will experience a desire to both nurture and care for each other. This placement is ideal for a long-term marriage and family. You are likely to move in together rather quickly, you just feel comfortable together and will want to spend much of your time together.

Mercury (Baekhyun) in 2nd House (Pisces)

They both see talent in one another and can help each other utilize these talents to make money or acquire resources together. They will come up with many money making ideas together and can inspire one an others more creative side. They will appreciate the finer things life has to offer and will enjoy talking about the things they want to acquire and how they might do so.

Venus (Baekhyun) in 2nd House (Pisces)

The Venus person is likely to have personality traits and perhaps even a fashion sense that the house person will admire. The Venus person makes the house person feel valuable and uniquely talented and in return, the house person shows the Venus person appreciation by way of offering gifts or things of value. The Venus person is very complimenting to the house person increasing the house persons' self-esteem. This is a positive placement for it's the house of Taurus and Venus. You will likely indulge in the finer things in life, or at least bring out the desire in each other.This will likely be a very creative relationship.

Mars (Baekhyun) in 2nd House (Pisces)

You might find yourself being very complimentary to your partner, which can most certainly help increase your partner's self-esteem. There is usually a mutual respect or appreciation for one an other's talents. The Mars person might stimulate the house person's need for pleasures and material security. The Mars person will also see the house persons many talents and take an interest in whether or not they use them. Although this is a materialistic house, it is also a sensual house so this placement indicates much attraction, or a strong desire to experience the finer things in life together, sensuality and sex.

Sun (Pisces) in 11th House (Baekhyun)

This makes for a fun and friendly companionship. You will both share many of the same hopes and wishes or at least be very supportive of one another in reaching theirs. You can talk about many subjects and share many of the same ideas, past times and social groups. You can talk about anything and everything with each other, you are two of a kind. You will be both friends and lovers. This is a good position for a long-term relationship.

Moon (Pisces) in 2nd House (Baekhyun)

This position of the moon adds a greater need for emotional and financial security with each other. The Moon person will want to provide security for the house person. You will also find you share many of the same values, interests, and likes. The Moon person can help the house person get their finances in order, but it is also possible that the Moon person will cost the house person money.

Mercury (Pisces) in 11th House (Baekhyun)

Conversation will be open and come with ease. You both think alike and share many of the same hopes and wishes, or ideals. This is the best friend that you can talk to about everything and feel that you are understood, or they just get you.

Mars (Pisces) in 8th House (Baekhyun)

There are many different factors to take into consideration to be certain how this aspect will play out as always and much depends on the individual charts. In the positive, this usually ignites much sexual attraction to one another, and a interest to dive deep into all things hidden and mysterious. Deep open sharing of all secrets are possible, and if both people are mature and mindful then the level of depth they can reach will be like no other, openly sharing all things both emotionally and materially. On the negative, the Mars person may pry too much into the house persons psyche making them feel uncomfortable. It is also possible that the Mars person could dig to far, or turn the relationship to heavy to fast or the focus could be too much on sex and the darker more taboo subjects.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Overall

Your overall compatibility score would suggest a warm and energetic relationship. The balance of good to negative aspects will lead to a long-lasting and stimulating relationship as long as long as the two of you are willing to communicate and be open with yourselves and each other. 

Note: Synastry ships are completed with references to cafe astrology and astrologyreadings. 

I hope you enjoy your ship! And thank you for your patience

We have one slot open for this batch of synastry ships. The next batch will open when this one is 50% completed. 

You can find the guide for the ships we offer here!

I hope you are having a great day/night

~Angel ♫

[potatoes-is-are-food]

Can I request some poly! Shigadabihawks x reader if you don’t mind. You have amazing writing and you have written some amazing poly! I don’t care if it’s sfw and/or nsfw, it’s totally up to you. I honestly kinda wanted to see how hawks and Shigaraki got along in a poly relationship and how they interacted with each other because I can imagine how Dabi and hawks get along or dabi and shigaraki but hawks and Shigaraki would have a odd relationship, y’know. Sorry if this is odd and you don’t know what I’m talking about and I just want you to know that I absolutely love your work. You’re the first person I check everyday when I get on tumblr. 😘

Awwwww!!! You are so sweet, thank you so much!!! Yeah this makes a lot of sense, for the demon au especially I’ve been trying to work on showing off the dynamic between Hawks and Shig. I hope headcanons are okay!

| SFW

- Before you enter the mix, Dabi is really the only holding them together. He started off dating Tomura (who still insists he barely even likes him, usually after they finish making out) and then later Kei joined in. You’re still not sure how it all came to be since you get a different answer depending on who you ask and what mood they’re in.

- Tomura is only a bit tsundere with Dabi and Kei, never you. With you he’s more openly clingy and would never deny how he feels. He wouldn’t say it, but he appreciates you being around whenever Dabi and Keigo make him feel like a third wheel. Keigo has some similar experiences, but he’s just genuinely not bothered whenever Dabi wants to go have some solo time with Tomura. Or you, for that matter. Just isn’t the jealous type.

- They like using you to fuck with each other. If you’re hanging out with Dabi there’s a good chance Keigo will come along and just flat out steal you. Just pick you up and walk off. Because he can. Dabi is fond of teasing Tomura about how much he likes you, despite clearly also liking you. Tomura’s go-to is usually also to steal you, however he likes to get you to come willingly so you’ll blow off whoever you were with to start.

- Keigo and Tomura get along best when teaming up to irritate Dabi. Whether it’s playing keep away with you, hiding his stuff, distracting him when he’s trying to brood and do Dabi stuff, they really enjoy the power of their combined effects on him.

- The three of them teaming up to irritate you is what really gets them cooperating. They’re all gremlins, they steal your clothes to force you into skirts with no panties, they move your stuff around so you have to ask them for help, and that’s without getting into how often they fight over you, although that’s not so much to annoy you.

- Dabi developed a little habit of calling you, Tomura, and Kei his sluts and now he does it no matter who’s around and it’s really embarrassing but he absolutely does not care.

- While most of the time it’s Dabi and you holding Tomura and Keigo together, it’s not uncommon to find just the two of them off by themselves bonding over a common interest or even occasionally making out.

- They each have their own rooms, but you don’t. You bounce between theirs and your stuff is always scattered around. Yes, it’s annoying. No, they won’t let you have your own room. The four of you typically end up sharing one bed anyway, although the room itself changes.

- They’re not shy about the relationship, so it’s fairly often you get teased (albeit lovingly) about having three boyfriends. Toga really likes trying to force you to pick a favorite.

- Everyone thinks it’s creepy. Everyone. But Kei started calling you their “little girl” and just never stopped.

- They don’t really do PDA between themselves aside from the odd hand holding or rare peck on the cheek, but when it comes to you all bets are off. You’re constantly perched in someone’s lap or holding a hand or having your clothes fixed by someone else. To everyone else it mostly looks like they toss you around.

- Sometimes they’ll take you on dates, switching between doing them one on one or with the whole group. It’s hard to get Tomura to go out, though, since he prefers stay at home dates. When he’s not feeling it you’ll usually end up in a blanket fort eating takeout all together.

- One time. one. time. some stranger muttered “slut” under his breath when he saw you walking along in public with them. Dabi charred his ass so fast the other two were pissed at him for not being able to get a hit in.

- Despite all of them being gremlins, they really love you and will 10/10 go out of their way to make sure you know that. Literally anything upsets you and the immediate response is “Tell me why you’re not happy and I will kill it.”

- Most of their more genuine affections are shown in little things they do. Keigo likes to get you guys things, especially snacks he knows you like since he can go in public freely. Dabi is constantly fixing your clothes and hair and making sure everyone’s comfortable. Tomura always touches you softly (outside of the bedroom), always brushing his fingers along your cheeks or resting his head on your shoulder, etc. He’s also the most likely to casually touch the others in public.

- When it’s cold everyone piles up on Dabi and he pretends he hates it, but you always catch him smiling when he thinks no one’s looking.

- Kei loves using his feathers to tease everyone, slipping them under clothes before you can stop them or making them flit around your face. It’s annoying but his laugh is so cute you can’t even be mad at him.

- Tomura’s face always lights up before he can stop it when one of you comes to play videogames with him. He’s really bad at hiding how excited and happy it makes him.

- Since you’re the only girl and they’re kind of sexist, they treat you a lot softer than they treat each other. Doesn’t matter how strong you are, they’ll always think you’re weaker and they need to protect you. It might not seem like it when they’re teasing the hell out of you or tying you up or spanking you, but they go way easier on you than they would on each other in the same situation.

- Literally any sign from you that you’re seriously upset or overwhelmed? Done. No more. Only soft affection and very mild teasing for the week.

| NSFW

- The first time Kei joined in while Dabi and Tomura were fucking, he didn’t even participate. He just watched like a fucking creep. Still does that occasionally.

- They all have relatively high drives and absolutely no shame between each other, so it’s pretty often you’re just casually getting fucked in one of their rooms while another sits on the couch beside you and watches TV. May or may not comment on it.

- Sometimes they’ll make bets about you. See who can get you to cum the fastest one week or try testing how long it takes for you to come to them when they don’t initiate it and which one you pick. How much cum they can stuff you with and plug up before it starts leaking out. And so on.

- It’s very different if it’s just one of them, or if it’s two and which two, etc.

- Dabi likes to manhandle you. He takes his time, makes you wait and beg and then just completely destroys you for hours on end. After, he sits back with a cigarette and lets you cling to him while he strokes you and tells you you did a good job. It pleases him when you’re so fucked out you can’t form full sentences, and he’ll tease you for it for days.

- Keigo is similar in that he likes to tease, but he’s also sadistic. He’ll make you cum on his tongue and fingers until you’re begging him to stop and then he’ll force at least two more orgasms out of you on his dick. Afterwards he watches you twitch and leak his spunk for a minute before giving you god-tier aftercare. Runs a bath, gets you some water, etc. Once you’re clean he encourages you to take a nap, but it’s usually an excuse for him to take a nap because he’s also worn out but trying to hide it.

- Tomura gets too excited to tease for very long, but that’s only directly before the sex. He’ll have his hand shoved in your panties just toying with you for hours while he absently scrolls on his phone. Sometimes he’ll have you get yourself ready where he can see, only to completely ignore you until you let him know he can start. Once he’s going, though, he’s done with all that. He’s drooling, panting, flushed, pounding you into next week. He alternates between kissing you and spitting in your mouth because he’s too wound up to just pick a mood most of the time.

- That’s not to say you don’t have lots of times where it’s intimate and loving, but that’s not really the usual.

- The Dabi/Tomura combination is the more nasty of the three. Kei isn’t opposed to doing stuff to make you squirm when he’s in the mood but Dabi and Tomura l i v e for that shit. They’re almost nightmarish together, 100% okay with piss, impact play, period stuff, all things anal, etc. Of course you’re their girlfriend and they love you so they’re not about to do something that has you screaming or crying for real, but if you’re at least mostly okay with it and they’re confident it’s not breaking you, they’ll do pretty much anything. Anything to get you teary-eyed, begging them to stop, etc. as long as you’re not saying the safeword. For aftercare they’re very gentle and soft as they clean you up and put you to bed. Doesn’t matter what time of day it happened, they’re putting you in bed and snuggling you until you get at least an hour of sleep. When you wake up they’ll get you something to eat and make sure they didn’t hurt you beyond the usual cuts, bruises, and assorted mild scorching.

- Dabi and Kei usually go for more of a good cop/bad cop sort of arrangement. Doesn’t seem so bad until you figure out they switch the roles without any indication of having done that. It’s like they have a sixth sense for it or something. You’ll be crying and clinging to Keigo since he’s been nice so far only for him to bend you over his knee and spank you raw for it; meanwhile Dabi has gone from smacking you around and spewing filth to cooing and stroking your face. Their aftercare is mostly praise, they’ll tell you you did well and make sure you’re okay mentally since some of the stuff they say can get pretty intense. They’ll get you cleaned up and make sure you eat and drink water, and they’ll cuddle as long as you want and won’t go anywhere even if you fall asleep.

- Tomura and Keigo are the most interesting mix. It’s not often that it happens, but when it does they work surprisingly well together. Their different types of degeneracy and patience seem to blur together into a lethal combination that’ll have you getting whiplash from how they toss you back and forth. They’re not usually both participating at the same time; someone has to hold the camera, after all. Aftercare usually consists of a shower, snacks, and either you napping on their laps while they game together or joining in if they didn’t rock your shit too hard. On days when they’ve done this, you’ll notice the two of them interacting more and occasionally taking some time to be alone together…

- When it’s all of them you’re fucking in for it. Depending on the mood it can vary wildly, but for the most part it’s just a complete mass of writhing limbs and moans. You’re tired ten minutes in, more of the focus is on you than anything, you’re forced to cum over and over again, they each cum in or on you at least twice, and when it’s all said and done you’re covered in sweat, cum, possibly blood, and three sweaty, spent bodies. Usually after they have to peel your limp, half-conscious body off the bed and carry you to the bath. They’ll take great care of you, not that you’ll really remember it in your sorry state, and when you wake up the next day they’re more doting than usual. They’ll tease a little about how you’re sore and still just a little out of it, but that doesn’t mean they’re not checking on you and being extra attentive.

- The times when it’s all of you together but in a more romantic way, it’s like being surrounded by pure love. Everyone’s kissing, you’re all tangled together, it’s just really soft and intimate. Doesn’t last as long, but it’s insanely sweet and gooey. When finished, there’s lots of soft caring/cleaning up/cuddling for a while but it doesn’t have the same insane recovery time as usual. After everyone’s taken care of, the guys like to try pretending everything is normal, but it’s obvious they’re more clingy than usual. Definitely all sleeping together in a pile on nights like that.

- Sometimes one will join in just for aftercare. Kei enjoys seeing you a fucked-out little mess, so he’s always happy to help if it means he can see you destroyed for a minute first. Dabi likes the feeling of being needed and being able to care for someone, so he’ll help, especially cleaning you up and getting you dressed. Tomura loves the way you cling after, and likes to cuddle and nap, so he’ll come in late to the aftercare just for that.

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Palliate.

Pairing: Yandere!Witch/Reader.

Word Count: 3.7k.

TW: Emotional Manipulation, Amnesia, Obsessive Mindsets, Mentions of Violence, Blood and Bruising, Mentions of Death.

Mint, to settle your nerves.

That was the first thing he’d taught you, before you were strong enough to do anything more than sit on the edge of your bed and listen. Three leaves if you were desperate, two if you weren’t, and one if you just needed something to focus on, to take your mind off your own hazy thoughts and the places they tended to lead, when you let them wander freely. He said that was normal, that it should be expected. You’d spent so long incapacitated, it was only natural you’d be a little unsteady, once you finally got back on your feet. He said that it’d get better, over time, but you’d have to fight through it. You’d have to give yourself time to let it get better, even if there were little things you both could do to help.

The mint helped. Most of the time, at least. More than most little things did.

You tried to concentrate on the flavor, now, letting it distract you from the sun beating down on the back of your neck, from small bruises forming on your knees as you kneeled between rows of rue and sage and rosemary just far enough apart to let you tug at the weeds invading his otherwise pristine garden. It was a little odd to be outside the small cottage you’d become so closely acquainted with, even if you were only a few paces away, still hesitant to venture beyond the clearing you’d spent so much time observing while you were bedridden. You were still injured, technically, and you’d been told time and time again not to test your own limits. He said you should… You were sure you should be doing something, but—

“Didn't I ask you to rest?”

Right. That made sense.

You weren't supposed to get out of bed, just yet.

A hand came to settle on your shoulder, and reflexively, you glanced towards the man now lingering behind you. You really didn’t need to, though. His voice would’ve been enough, a calm drawl strung out into something playful, fondness coming easily and anger still a long ways off. He’d never gotten mad at you before, but the threat persisted. You didn’t want to be more of a nuisance than absolutely necessary, especially after he’d been so kind to you.

“There’s only so much sleep I can take,” You replied. You didn’t want to be a nuisance, but you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life in bed, either. “I’m starting to think that’s your only trick, uh...”

“Eden, love. Just Eden.” There was a pause, his sly smile turning sympathetic. “Is your memory acting up again?”

“It’s not as bad as it used to be.” You were telling the truth. For weeks, you’d barely been able to hold onto your own name, let alone anything about your eternally patient host. But, Eden (you tried to remind yourself of that, to make a note of it, Eden) was kind enough to give you time. You needed time. You needed patience. “I found the door, didn’t I?”

“And it’s nearly been a week since the last time you wandered into the forest,” He noted as he crouched at your side, earning a small, offended noise and an elbow to his bicep, just forceful enough to warrant a hum, a slight pout, something between a whine and a chuckle. You didn’t want to stare, but you let yourself watch as his expression softened, as his gazed flickered towards the sprout of basil at your feet and a shock of white hair fell over his eyes. He looked like he was going to reach towards you, like he was going to touch you, but he stopped himself, letting his hand slip down to the satchel at his waist, instead, calloused fingers running over the well-worn leather.

You wondered what he kept in it, sometimes. You’d never seen him without it, not willingly, and he spent so long in the forest every day, he kept himself so busy with so many traps and snares and spots of ink littered across hand-drawn maps, it would’ve been impossibly to guess what he thought was worth keeping by his side. He brought enough of it back, bundles of assorted feathers and glass jars full of golden pollen and other things, stranger things, things you could barely catch a glimpse of before they were shoved to the backs of cabinets and forgotten about, on your end, at least. Eden didn’t forget about such important things as quickly as you did.

“It’ll get better,” He went on, finally, just when you thought he’d stopped talking altogether. “And, if it doesn’t, we’ll find a way to make it better.”

He sounded so sure of himself. You wanted to believe him, when he sounded like that. You did believe him.

You couldn’t remember a time when you hadn’t.

~

Ginger, to alleviate migraines.

It wasn’t for you, luckily. Of all the ailments you suffered from, you’d been left mercifully exempt from headaches and vertigo and all those minor, awful things that would make your life just a little harder than it had to be. If anything, your head was always a little too light, a little too empty, especially after so many hours of following the same unpaved road with nothing to think about but the passing scenery and Eden’s vague instructions, little more than a list of names and goods. Little to go off of, despite his insistence that you be the one to go.

You’d asked why he didn’t just go himself the first time he sent you on your way with a basket of herbs and roots, but Eden had only frowned, shaking his head. He said he wasn’t welcome, not in the marketplace, not in a village that’d already come to know him by name. He said that, if you cared for him at all, you wouldn’t subject him to a full day of haggling in hushed tones with women who refuse to sell mediocre incense for anything less than a small fortune.

And since you did (foolishly) care for him, you went. Not that you were anymore wanted in the marketplace than he was.

You hated it, compared to the cozy isolation of Eden’s home. You hated how crowded it was, how alien it felt to have to navigate the cramped stalls, how the merchant in front of you scowled as he weighed small bags of the exotic, colorful spices Eden was so fond of, the ones that you could never seem to taste the way you were supposed to, judgingly by how liberally Eden used them. He didn’t try to hide the disdain in his voice as he spoke, aged weariness mixed with a self-righteous reluctant. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t used to it, that constant trepidation from people who didn't understand you, from people who didn't care for Eden. At least he was kind enough not to hide it. “Running errands for the witch hermit, again?”

“Eden’s not a hermit.” You tried to smile, to brush it off as if was just another misconception. He wasn’t. You weren’t sure what he was, but he liked people, he liked having someone else around. Or, he liked having you around, at least. He didn’t seem to care much about company, beyond that. “He just enjoys his privacy. We both do.”

“Only a witch, then.” There was a pause, a gruff laugh that didn’t match his grim disposition. Something in the back of your throat tightened, and silently, you wished he’d be a bit more wary of you. Just enough to keep him from speaking so openly. “I’d take what you can and go, if I were you. He takes after his father, and that man spent his whole life makin’ a monster of himself, playing with things no one should. His son ain’t much different.”

It was your turn to laugh, now. “He cries whenever he finds fawns separated from their mothers. He takes in tadpoles he finds puddles. I don’t think Eden is capable of cruelty.” He was a kind man. You’d never seen him be anything but kind. If he had an ulterior motive, if he had a single sadistic bone in his body, you had yet to find it. “He took me in, too, when I was injured. He might be the only reason I have a roof over my head, now. That’s not a kindness I can say very many people have showed me.”

His lips pursed, the barest hints of confusion crossing his expression. It was gone in an instant, and you tried not to linger on it. He thought poorly of Eden, but the mere fact that you were alive – walking and breathing and alive – was enough to earn him your gratitude. Regardless of what a merchant and a marketplace worth of gossip thought. You knew what you believed, you knew what was true, and you wouldn’t let a few rumors convince you otherwise.

Although, you’d be lying if you said that belief didn’t waver, as he went on. “Cruelty isn’t all you have to worry about.”

You opened your mouth. Then, you closed it again, keeping your eyes on the basket still hanging limply on your arm. He wasn’t done yet, not with the spices, not with his poorly veiled warnings, but you didn’t want to listen. You could listen, you would listen, but you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to believe anything you heard in such a crowded place, in such an awful place.

You just wanted to get back to Eden.

~

Willow bark, to take the pain away.

It’s more of a comfort than a necessity, by now. You used to need it, rely on it, and you still liked to keep a bundle nearby, just in case, for days where the soreness was worse than it should be and you needed something to take the edge off, to suppress that overwhelming ache back into a steady throb. But, you never needed it, not like you used to. Not like you had when your injury was a defining feature rather than an afterthought and Eden’s medical expertise was more of a experimental artform than a practiced skill.

His hands didn’t shake, anymore, as his fingers skirted over your bare skin, following along the outline of your wound, the trail of stitches that stretched from the bottom of your shoulder bone to the center of your rib cage and repeated itself, carrying over again and again and again, forming neat rows of tender flesh and scar tissue that refused to stop any higher than your hip bone. He wasn’t hesitant, not with the needle, not as he pushed it through the long-suffering spots where he’d first messily laid your stitches months ago, and he didn’t have to look at you to recognize the way you shifted, the soft string of expletives you let out, to notice your little attempts to turn your head at just the right angle, flinch at just the right time to—

“Eyes on the ceiling,” He demanded. With a small huff, you obeyed, turning back towards the furthest wall. “It’ll only get worse, if you look.”

You knew that. He’d said as much as thousand times before, once for every day he'd tended to your lasting wounds. You were tempted to try, to insist it was only fair that you got to know what was going on with your own body, but you trusted Eden, and it was easier to tilt your head back than to argue, to search the cluttered room for something more interesting than the boy sitting at your side and your own, nagging discomfort.

You were in his workshop, now, an area separated from the rest of the cottage and filled to the brim with the tools of Eden’s trade – blooming flowers permanently encased in blocks of amber, the shells of insects hollowed out and ground into a fine powder, pots, everywhere, some empty and some not, the largest placed over a smoldering hearth that never seemed to grow dimmer, despite how often Eden forgot to tend to it. There was something inside, a substance you didn’t recognize, bubbling and black as a starless sky. It was already solidifying around the edges of its cauldron, crystallizing into rows of jagged, silvery edges slowly creeping along the coaction's surface like an infection. Like a parasite. Like something that shouldn’t have existed but continued to, regardless.

Eden must’ve caught you staring. The needle stilled, and instead, he took to dabbing something cool and smooth around the edges of your scars. A rag, or a balm, or a dozen other possible remedies. You didn't try to look. “It’s for you,” He explained, as if that made it any better. “One of my father’s incomplete recipes. He never figured out how to stop it from hardening once it’s exposed to open air.” Eden clicked his tongue, pulling the thread he was working with taut, and you cringed, tying to ignore the slight pinch. It didn’t hurt, not really, not like it used to. It didn’t hurt at all, if you were being honest, but it felt like it should’ve. “The color isn’t right, either. And I’ve already fed enough dye into the damn thing to poison a small village.”

You should’ve laughed. You wanted to, you knew it was the reaction he was looking for, but it was all you could do to avert your stare, to let your fingers curl around the edge of the table he’d perched you on. "They really don’t like you.”

“I’ve noticed.” A blunt response, not abrasive, but not encouraging, either. Not as dismissive as you would’ve preferred. “And yet, they manage to stomach my cures regardless. It’s funny how quickly pain softens the heart, isn’t it?”

“They say it’s unnatural.” You were pushing, now. You should know better than to push. You never found out anything good, when you tried to push. “They say your father used to dabble in things that shouldn’t be.”

Eden sighed, pushing himself to his feet. There was a short silence, interrupted only by the sound of glass knocking against glass before he dropped what he was holding, stepping in front of you and cupping your face with both hands, instead, forcing you to face him, to meet his dark eyes. Black eyes. Lightless eyes. A contradiction when compared his tanned skin and warm smile. A contradiction you tried to overlook as he bent down, kissing the top of your head so gently, you could almost bring yourself to ignore it altogether.

“My father was a toymaker and a healer. My mother died in childbirth. He did what he could to take care of me, and there is nothing unnatural about that.” He took a moment to laugh, to hold you, and you couldn’t be help but be thankful for it. Only weeks ago, he’d been afraid to touch you, afraid to watch you break all over again. Now, it was all he could do to let you go long enough for his arms to fall to your waist, for your face to find his chest, his tunic, a place to hide yourself away from the rest of the world. You didn’t want to go back, not to the village, not to the marketplace, not to the lonely, hurtful, desolate world outside his cottage. You didn’t want to go back to a place filled with so many people so determined to separate you from Eden. You didn’t want to return to a life you couldn’t remember, one where you wouldn’t have the man who’d saved you by your side. “He loved his family, just as I love you.”

For once, you didn’t have to convince yourself to believe him.

~

Witch hazel, to stop the bleeding.

You’d need it. You’d need a lot of it, more than you should for such a small cut, a jagged line drawn from the corner of your eye to your opposite check, thin but deep and bleeding, pouring out, washing over your hands as you tried to clutch at your face and rub away the damage, like a child trying to blink away a bad dream. Your legs might’ve been bleeding, too, the sides of your ankles, the backs of your thighs, your skin scraped raw in all the places you’d hit the ground as you tripped, falling over your own feet at your stumbled backward, but you didn’t check, you didn’t want to check, you didn’t want to see how bad it was. You didn’t want to take your eyes off the man in front of you, his towering stature, his grim expression.

His sword, silver and unsheathed and pointed at your heart, as it had been from the moment he first caught sight of you.

He wasn’t supposed to be here. No one was supposed to be here, in Eden’s forest, only minutes away from the cottage you’d come to think of as your safe haven. He hadn’t asked for your name, he hadn’t mentioned Eden, he hadn’t said a word to you, not before there was a dagger flashing across your line of sight, a weapon quickly discarded for something more intimidating, something that’d let him stay at arm’s length while he approached you, his stare holding yours, his lips pulled into a thin frown. “I—” You tried, but your voice gave out quickly. You couldn’t remember the last time someone had threatened your life. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been so scared. “Please, I didn’t mean to get in your—”

“Stop talking.” His tone was flat, apathetic, the barest hints of rage seeping through a weathered veil of neutrality. Immediately, you fell silent. “Who said you had the right to use that voice?”

You opened your mouth, but you thought better of it, biting down on the inside of your cheek as you bowed your head. You wanted to get back to Eden, back to his cottage. You wanted to be anywhere but here. You wanted to run, but you wanted to get out of this with your head on your shoulders, too. “Are you going to kill me?”

“It will not be a true death.” There was a pause, a reluctant hesitation. You pulled your knees into your chest, your hand still pressed to your wound, but the gesture didn’t seem to earn you any pity. “But, I am going to make this—”

He stopped, abruptly, his head attention towards something behind you. You heard it a moment later – measured footsteps, barely making a sound against the dead leaves and branches that littered the forest floor. You didn’t turn around. You didn’t have to.

Not when there was only one person who’d ever bother to save you.

“Adam,” Eden called, already positioning himself at your side. His hand was already on his satchel, toying with the buckle. Like he’d done this, before. Like he already knew it wouldn’t resolve itself peacefully. “There are easier ways to introduce yourself. If you put that sword away, I’m sure (Y/n) could still find a way to forgive—”

“Do not call it by that name.” He was focused on Eden, now, leaving you to fade into the background, to observe as his hands began to shake and he glared, baring his teeth, as Eden had done more than try to play peacekeeper. “That is not (Y/n). It doesn’t deserve to pretend it is, none of your abominations do. It won't bring— It can't—” He trailed off, his sword falling back to his side, his eyes clenching shut. You almost felt bad for him, your would-be murderer, but Eden’s expression remained cold, unbothered. Slowly, almost idly, he reached down, taking you by the arm and helping you to your feet, letting you tuck yourself against him as Adam finally found his voice.

“(Y/n) is dead. Nothing you do can change that.”

A moment passed in silence, still, deathly, frigid silence.

Then, Eden spoke.

“I can handle this on my own.” He didn’t deny it. He wasn’t denying it. Why wasn’t he denying it? “I need you to brew tea, Chamomile. Gather as much lavender as you can on your way home, until your pockets are full and you can’t carry anymore. Can you do that for me, love?”

You nodded, but you were still shaking, still unsure, still so, so confused. You weren’t dead. You could breathe, and you could think, and you ate and you slept and you weren’t dead. “I’m not.” You didn’t know who you were talking to – Adam, still clutching his sword, still ready to behead whoever his blade could reach or Eden, your Eden, the gentle protector who hadn’t looked at you once since his arrival. You just wanted someone to say it wasn’t true. You just needed someone to say it wasn’t true. “I’m not. I’m alive. I’m not de—”

“I’m in love,” Eden said, his voice soft. As if he hadn’t heard you at all. “Why does everyone act as if that’s so monstrous?”

You didn’t want to hear Adam’s response. You didn’t want to hear anything, not from him, not from Eden, and certainly not from your own frenzied thoughts, racing and only growing louder as you ran, sprinting, stumbling through the forest in any direction your legs would carry you. A crooked sob racked over your chest, and reflexively, you moved to brush away the tears blurring your vision, but you couldn’t feel yourself when you should’ve, it wasn’t flesh that met your cheek. Your eyes darted to your hand, a sneer already playing at your lips for whatever mud or decaying foliage had plastered itself against your skin, but…

But, you found a small trail of crystals, instead, silvery-glass that coated your palm, rows of jagged edges that hadn’t been there before, that shouldn’t have been there, where your blood had stained your skin only minutes ago. Or, where you thought your blood should’ve stained your skin. You hadn’t looked.

You hadn’t looked.

You froze dead in your tracks.

Slowly, our raised a hand to your face, to the cut carved into it, to what should’ve been a bloody, bloody wound. Something jagged met your fingertips, but you ignored the slight sting. It didn’t hurt. Not as much as it should’ve. Not as much as you wanted it to.

By the time you pulled away, your hand was covered with it. Thick, cool, forming webs between your fingers as you spread them apart. Dark. A kind of dark you’d only seen once.

As black as a starless sky.

[along-came-atsushi]

The way Dazai protects Atsushi

When we imagine someone who is protective, mostly it is a person who bursts into a fit of rage or someone who heroically and willingly throws away their own life if it means to protect others. A good example for this would be Kunikida’s actions on several occasions. Dazai is less a person to obviously show rage or to heroically throw himself in front of someone.

Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all, it’s quite the contrary. And it’s sometimes very subtle and tricky, because he always has plans within plans and tries to achieve several goals with a single plan.

.

I will only focus here on Dazai’s actions that solely have to do with Atsushi. I’m not going to bring up every single hidden agenda or goal Dazai is also trying to achieve.

In addition, this post has been tagged as #Dazatsu just to be safe. But of course it can be read from a platonic POV.

.

Beware: Spoilers starting from chapter 83 and for 55 Minutes!

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How Dazai gets Atsushi into the ADA

Dazai practically tricked and then it may seem like he pressured Atsushi into joining the ADA, even after Atsushi already said that he doesn’t want to join:

The reason for Atsushi’s refusal was not that he didn’t want to join, because he just simply didn’t want to join. But because he lacks the self-confidence in taking a task like this. He doesn’t believe in himself and his abilities and thinks he isn’t fit for the job. This lack of self-confidence together with the fact that Atsushi constantly gets pushed by either people around him or his circumstances to keep relying on himself rather than others runs like a red string through his story.

Dazai on the other hand sees a great potential in Atsushi. In the moment where Atsushi saved him from drowning, he already planned to team him up with Akutagawa. Not only because of their abilities and their compatibility in battle. But because Atsushi would be the person to “teach Akutagawa how to put that sword away”. In other words: to value life. Which is something that Dazai wasn’t able to teach Akutagawa (I covered this in another meta and won’t explain it here any further).

Another reason is that the things Dazai states above are simply the truth: If Atsushi doesn’t join, then there is nothing the ADA can do to help him (or it would be much harder and complicated for them). He needs to do everything a normal adult in society has to do, which is harder for Atsushi than other people, since he has been abruptly kicked out of his orphanage without any further help or assistance. Not to mention that he is perceived as a monster and not in control of his own ability, and therefore a wanted criminal and dangerous ability user. This could lead Atsushi in either getting killed or falling into the hands of other shady organizations who have far worse intentions for him. Saying the above is less Dazai trying to manipulate Atsushi and more him just telling what would happen and to be realistic.

Having Atsushi join the ADA for Dazai does not only help Atsushi to live a safer life and make it easier for Dazai to keep an eye out for him, but also to give Atsushi the chance to safe other people in the progress.

.

The Entrance Exam

Since Atsushi refused there was no way for Dazai to have him join the ADA the easy way and then only later testing if he really was worthy of being a true member. Just like it has been the case with Dazai’s entrance exam (Dazai freely joined the ADA after being recommended and was perceived as a new member immediately. Only during his first case with Kunikida was he secretly being tested of being worthy, which he succeeded). Therefore, a plan under a pretext was needed in order to test Atsushi and convince him to join.

During the ADA’s meeting for planning Atsushi’s entrance exam (which is told in the first part of the ‘Untold Story of the ADA’ novel) Dazai anticipated that Atsushi would either convince the bomber (played by Tanizaki) or somehow defuse the bomb himself. Neither of his predictions happened, instead Atsushi was willing to sacrifice himself so that he could protect others. This selfless action honestly surprised Dazai, which not many people are able to achieve, because he always predicts their actions:

Since it’s been hinted by Dazai that he already lost other people close to him in his life, even before Ango’s betrayal and Odasaku’s death, Atsushi’s action probably could’ve served as a trigger for him. He had to realize that there is a possibility that Atsushi would sacrifice himself to protect others. Especially since he doesn’t deem his own life as worthy and has been told many times to be useless and to “just die in a ditch somewhere.”

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“Stalking” Higuchi

Dazai immediately recognized Higuchi to be a PM member and that she’s contacting the ADA under disguise for ulterior motives. The scene with Higuchi is a good example that Dazai does many things which either annoys other people (flirting with her) or are seen as him just being lazy and/or fooling around (listening to music and singing), while in reality he is already following a hidden plan.

Flirting with Higuchi distracts her and everyone else from Dazai slipping a wiretap in her jacket. It helps him to let everyone just act naturally without the possibility of revealing anything by accident. Furthermore, it makes people underestimate Dazai, because for everyone else he was just fooling around.

Due to the reason that the PM contacted the ADA under disguise as soon as Atsushi was their new member could have been already suspicious for Dazai, suspecting that it has something to do with Atsushi and was not just a regular attack on the ADA. Later on, this gets confirmed when it’s been stated that The Guild set a bounty on Atsushi for some reason.

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Is Dazai following Atsushi around?

When Atsushi accompanies Ranpo on his murder case Dazai surprisingly shows up:

This meeting could be just a coincidence, of course. After all it’s just Dazai fooling around again (or in this case, trying to commit suicide again). But since the case with Higuchi has shown that Dazai loves to pretend to do something else, when he in reality is following a hidden agenda, it might be that he showed up there on purpose. Maybe just to see how Atsushi was faring and to eventually intervene if something serious would happen (like he did when Atsushi and Akutagawa were fighting for the first time). Especially with the PM on Atsushi’s tail now.

In chapter 84 it has been revealed that Dazai indeed does have an eye on Atsushi. When he can’t do that himself anymore, he makes sure to ask Akutagawa to keep an eye on him instead:

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Going far for Atsushi’s sake

After getting to know about the bounty, Dazai lets himself get captured by the PM on purpose, without informing any other ADA members, and stays inside the prison until seemingly a right time draws near. He is willing to do this, even though he knows full well that he is perceived as a traitor and that certain people will not welcome him with open arms.

When Chuuya mentions that he suspects that Dazai must be here for a certain reason, Dazai then states that he does all of this mostly for Atsushi. He even goes so far as to provoke a second punch in the face from Akutagawa, by belittling him in saying that Atsushi is a better subordinate than him, after Akutagawa threatens to kill Atsushi.

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Probably the most visible scene where Dazai openly shows anger and shock towards someone hurting Atsushi (or hurting someone he cares about in general) is during the incident with Q:

He doesn’t act like this again the second time when Atsushi brings him the doll to nullify Q’s ability, even though the whole city is in chaos. He’s also less concerned about Naomi and Haruno in that moment and more focused on Atsushi during this. Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all for others, knowing that Naomi and Haruno are able to handle their situation (which is confirmed by them later). But it also shows that Atsushi is his main priority.

Throughout the story Atsushi slowly notices this himself. At first he is hesitant to believe that he is Dazai’s “most trusted subordinate” and worries that Dazai might be mad with him should he go overboard with something (e.g. during 55 Minutes when he was able to surprise Dazai who was hiding in the trash can).

He only ever claims to have Dazai’s trust, if it means to provoke Akutagawa (which he does for a different reason, but I’m not going to expand on this here). Later, he even wonders how Dazai would react/look if Akutagawa came back with the news of him having died: 

Which means that Atsushi’s former mentality of people not caring should he die gets replaced by having someone actually be mad/sad about this.

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Hiding his “dark side”

It may not be that visible in the anime, since some scenes are either left out or interpreted for the sake of jokes. But the manga makes it clear that Dazai struggles with guilt because of his own past (e.g. when Atsushi asks the other ADA members what they’ve done before joining the ADA, aside from everyone else Dazai looks away. This suggests that this question and the closely related memories of it are uncomfortable for him. Another example is his reaction when he asks Kyouka how many people she has killed).

Dazai is well aware that he can’t hide his past from Atsushi forever and that he sooner or later will find out. This is then almost immediately revealed to him by Akutagawa.

However Dazai still tries to hide his “dark side” from Atsushi. Apparently, he doesn’t want him to see that he’s capable of being cruel or that Atsushi may become too aware of anything that could reveal more of Dazai’s past and the things he has done. During certain situations Dazai purposefully doesn’t let Atsushi go or stay with him:

1.) When he pushed Atsushi out of the room to “interrogate” Kouyou:

2.) When he pretended to need to use the bathroom, because he knew they were being followed:

3.) When he meets Ango:

(Even Kouyou comments on how Dazai lets Atsushi out of certain business.)

The reasons for this may be that he’s afraid to reveal this “dark side” of him to Atsushi and that he doesn’t want to drag him into the business of the underworld. It could also be that he’s afraid that Atsushi might see him in a different light and that he’ll turn deprecating towards him. As of now Atsushi doesn’t know the full extent of Dazai’s past and actions. But due the fact that he’s aware that Dazai was a former PM member (an executive even), he must also be aware that some answers will be frightening. Furthermore, he must also already have some ideas about Dazai’s past.

Throughout the story Atsushi has been shown to be sympathetic with different characters, trying to understand their actions or the reason that drives them. Even when these characters fought against or tried to kill him in the past (Kyouka, Lucy, Akutagawa, Fitzgerald, Sigma). Therefore, I doubt that Atsushi will see Dazai in a different/negative light, should his past be fully revealed. But this is something Dazai may not anticipate, since he doesn’t see himself as a good person and as someone worthy of redemption.

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Dazai believes in Atsushi

Dazai has an overwhelming believe in Atsushi and his abilities. He reassures and compliments him from the very beginning:

“Nice, Atsushi. You’re like a real detective already! It’s such a joy to see you grow up so fast!” [After being send back in time] “Ha-ha-ha! I never thought you’d be able to scare me like that! You’ve grown Atsushi!” – 55 Minutes

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“Oooh!” Dazai squealed in excitement. “Look at you, Atsushi! Impressive!” – 55 Minutes

Contrary to Atsushi, who struggles to acknowledge his own self-worth and has little to no faith in his own abilities.

This is the reason why Dazai sometimes pushes Atsushi (not only literally but also figuratively) to do things on his own, whenever he realizes that Atsushi is hesitating. He’s throwing him in at the deep, in order for Atsushi to learn more self-confidence:

He sends him on several missions alone (e.g. sneaking into the Moby Dick) or with other people (e.g. Akutagawa), because he knows that Atsushi is able to do this, even without him:

“[…] It’s up to you to prove the detective agency’s innocence and set us free. You can do it, right?” Atsushi knew – Dazai only asked people if they could do it when he was certain they could. – 55 Minutes

Atsushi’s actions get firmly planned into Dazai’s predictions, knowing that he will choose the right decision:

This great believe in Atsushi gets also noticed by other people (e.g. Mark Twain and Akutagawa):

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In return

Dazai’s positive influence on Atsushi also has a positive effect on his psyche: The headmaster’s voice and image inside his mind – the person who always drags him down, tells him to be useless and that he will “not make it” – slowly gets replaced by Dazai’s voice and image – the person who cheers him up and tells him to believe in himself:

It’s no doubt that Dazai was the person who helped Atsushi to live a better life and he is perceived as “the man who saved me” by Atsushi himself. For this reason and his self-confidence Atsushi admires Dazai and is grateful to him.

But on the other hand, Atsushi was also willing to save Dazai despite his dire situation. Not only does Atsushi put Dazai on a pedestal, it is also Dazai who puts Atsushi on a pedestal and who sees him as the person able to help, protect and maybe even change others.