#to the point ill be fine with the bare minimum at times (^^;)))

[connormoving]

loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!

[gifti3]

Okay i liked asmos storyline in s2...

I wasnt disappointed by the ending like i was expecting to be since ppl said it was anticlimactic

But that could be due to me already feeling kind of neutral about mammons ending (bias is talking)

I have to be honest and say im still kinda confused if these are supposed to be character development moments that actually affect their characters from here on out or like a thing that just happened to have a story

Brightside, i see this as a way to get a better understanding/refresher of their inner workings at least (canon wise)

Also im a 'kissing asmo' enjoyer

no matter how brief it is and doing it twice in front of everybody....+10

[adore-gregor]

my perception of grades totally changed since i started uni

[bringthekaos]

I'm excited for your thoughts on the new season if/when you share them

It has legit taken me 3 days to come to terms with Act 1. Enough to be able to speak about it. Gunna apologize in advance for the wall of text, and I’m hiding it under a break for spoiler reasons. Also prefacing with these are all just my opinions. All are free to disagree with me and RB with discussions/theories etc. just don’t be a dick about it, I’m not engaging in any discourse.

Ok. So. I have mixed feelings, and I’m aware that this is because I don’t have the whole story yet. So this is all contingent on how the rest of the season plays out.

First and foremost, I’m… wildly swinging back and forth between love and disappointment for Viktor’s arc. So first the negative, and I’ll try to keep it brief because a lot of people have already expressed this and I don’t need to be beating that particular dead horse.

Viktor has had his agency, his bodily autonomy, his original ideas and nearly everything that made him Viktor stripped away. Nothing so far has been his choice. And while this could have worked just fine for an original character, he wasn’t. So there is a massive disconnect between what this character was/should have been. In League, it was all his choice (albeit with a healthy dose of mental illness thrown in, but still). AND it was very heavily suggested that many of the augmentations he performed weren’t as extensive as he lead everyone to believe (namely the controlling/dousing of his emotions). But it appears that whatever the Hexcore did to him, it’s real. He is clearly having a difficult time accessing his emotions, and if he can feel anything, it is limited to the point of him being completely stoic. And the thing with stoic characters is that you obliterate any emotional payoff for the audience. It’s very hard to make an audience feel an emotional connection to a character’s story arc when they themselves don’t feel anything (I have a theory about this though, but I’ll address it a little later in this post). And then there is the issue of Blitzcrank. Blitz was Viktor’s whole world, after his exile. How are they going to swing that? Like, I’m not even asking for Blitz to be in Arcane (that would be great, but I really don’t think they have time). But I stg if they take Blitz away from Viktor, make them someone else’s invention (my suspicion is Heimer or he finds the idea in Sky’s journal)… I’m sorry but no. This was Viktor’s idea, Viktor’s genius. I will genuinely be extremely upset if they take that from him too.

Then there is the whole situation with Sky. First, this girl was fridged. She was nothing but a plot device and continues to be just that. It feels hollow and forced, especially now that he’s hallucinating her as some sort of penance for what he did. (I have seen the prevalent theory that it’s the Hexcore using her image and his guilt to manipulate him, given that it “ate” her, and we have seen it “manipulate” him before when it punished him for trying to destroy it). But back to Sky—he barely acknowledged that poor girl. The reason for that can be argued, whether it’s because he’s gay or because he was just so wrapped up in his one-track minded research. But regardless, there just wasn’t enough setup between those two for this whole thing to have as much weight and meaning as I think it’s supposed to. Honestly to me (TO ME) it reeks of comphet. It feels like that random woman they threw at Poe Dameron to No Homo him. I’m not even asking for Jayvik canon. But the creators were well aware of this ship, after all it’s the second most popular ship in this show and it’s been around since 2012 when Jayce was literally created for Viktor. I’m asking for the bare minimum here—that it’s left open-ended as it was in League, open for interpretation.

Last negative I have is the whole Viktor Jesus thing. The first problem is I am pretty violently agnostic, and messiah narratives have never spoken to me. I don’t enjoy them, they feel weak. The whole “ordained by a higher power” thing is just… stale. Especially when this character originally had no higher power, he gave it to himself through his own hard work and ingenuity. Honestly, Viktor’s original arc is about as far from a Jesus allegory as you can possibly get. And I am absolutely terrified that they’re going to end said Jesus arc the way you’d expect—with him dying for it. Which leaves the moral of his story “disabled man should have just accepted that he was going to die despite the fact that it was the oppression and xenophobia of Piltover that left him out to dry, without proper health care, accessibility, equality, or equity that lead to his terminal diagnosis to begin with.” Which is a very oppressor-centric narrative and we do not need another one of those.

Sorry, I know I said I’d keep the negatives brief, and that was… not. My bad. But moving on!

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it, I did. I am working to embrace this new Viktor narrative and work it into my brain in a way that doesn’t ruin the ship for me. So without further ado, the positives.

Jayce.

Jayce.

Jayce.

I’d have to go back and time it, but it feels like he got more screen time in this first act than the entirety of the first season combined, and his character shined for it. It humanized him in ways season one never did. He’s caring, he’s devoted, and he loved Viktor! No matter what kind of love you think it is, it proves he loved Viktor without a doubt. He carried Viktor several city blocks to the lab to save him, and then YES, he broke his promise about the Hexcore because he couldn’t stand the thought of losing him!

And he’s funny! (The scene where he picks up the regular sized hammer in the fight against Renni and made that “this is ironic” face?? And then basically the entire interaction with Ekko? The hand me a tome thing, and then when he basically pulled this when Ekko suggested “so this is all your fault cuz you pissed off the Arcane”:

GOD that shit was great. Jayce’s personality just shined, and maybe it’s too much to hope, but maybe this will douse a little of the hate. Because instead of being a subtle hint at all of those things being true about him, it’s now overt. And when people lack media literacy, the hints have to be overt.

And th-the. The h. The HUG SCENE. I don’t think I will ever emotionally recover from that scene. Starting with Viktor who, despite being clearly emotionally—I dunno, vacant I guess—sounded so lost and scared when he said “what am I?” For me, it was whispers of that scene from The Last Unicorn: “what have you done to me?” And my poor sweet Jayce, who clearly hasn’t left this damn lab except to go to Cassandra’s memorial. Sleeping on the desk and bleeding through his bandages because he doesn’t want to spend a moment away from Viktor while he “recovers.” And his euphoric response when he finds Viktor alive, when he realizes he hasn’t lost him. And I OWE HIM AN APOLOGY, goddamn. I said in a post that “Jayce will not understand.” I thought that was how Arcane was gunna start the divorce. But Jayce genuinely did not care, as long as his lover friend was alive. And just… Jayce being so affectionate through this entire scene. The hug obviously, but also blurting things he thought he’d never get to say to Viktor—“I’m resigning from the council, my place was always here in the lab with you.”

And… the hug itself. I know we’re all analyzing it frame by goddamn frame, but I see exactly what everyone else sees—there is a moment where Viktor very subtly smiles. But it’s gone in an instant, and it turns bittersweet. LOOK AT HIM.

There is something there, it’s just buried. Deep beneath the surface. It seems to say “I want this, I have wanted this for so long.” But then he realizes something, something I don’t think we’re meant to understand yet. Maybe that he doesn’t feel anything about it anymore, and he recognizes that this should upset him and it doesn’t. Or perhaps it’s something more along the lines of “it’s too late.” Whatever it is, I think this is the exact moment he knows he has to walk away. Because he knows he’ll cave to the affection, he said it himself. (Which is another thing entirely. His voice changes when he says that. Something in him is reacting to that word. Maybe he’s fighting against it, or maybe he’s fighting to get it back. But something made him almost growl that word.)

Which leads me to my final thought (for this post anyway, cuz it’s turning into a novel); Viktor is still in there. He can still feel things, I just think they’re extremely muted by whatever the Hexcore did/continues to do to him, or he has to fight to express them. Because he also smiled at the hallucination of Sky after he “cured” Huck. And if he feels nothing, he wouldn’t have been “joyous” at the thought of her being proud of him, approving of the good things he’s trying to do in her memory. He wouldn’t crave that validation, that vindication from her. So I’m hopeful that we start to see this shell crack a little, especially if those visions of Sky are the Hexcore manipulating him through guilt. It will start to erode him, no matter how stoic he has become. And literally the only thing I’m clinging to is that Jayce will see this and try to pull him out. “He’s still in there and I have to save him.” And that maybe it’ll start to work.

[k-dokja]

bf vinny hong x reader fluff ❤️

I haven’t read this for months and I really shouldn’t write for a series I know nothing about anymore but c’est la vie...

He thought about it. Buying a ring for you to celebrate your two-years anniversary might have been a luxury for him, but with his new income, it’s not too far beyond his reach. He shouldn’t really think about this when his mother lies ill in the hospital, but he has never been rational about you.

It’s strange and silly to think about what he’s doing. He pushed everyone else away, even tried to push you away at one point. The keyword is “tried” because he never really succeeded. Not when you read him before he could do it and he was too greedy to let you go.

It’s selfish and stupid, all of these things he wants.

Again and again, he thinks that he should let you go. You wouldn’t listen and now he thought about a ring. He gave you the chance to leave, times and times again. You wouldn’t listen and now he’s thinking about giving you a shackle because he’s horrible and awful and he’ll break your heart.

Gold would look nice on your skin. He has decided.

But giving it to you is another story. He pockets the purchase and ignores its weight in his coat.

"What do you want to do for our anniversary?" Vinny asks once when you're half-asleep in the morning, too soft and fragile for him to leave without breaking his own heart, too.

"Huh?" You blink, still slow to wake. "Whatever is fine, as long as I'm with you."

You slump back to sleep, content to be in his arms when you deserve so much more. After a few seconds, you perk up again, and a look of confusion is on your face. "Wait, you remember our anniversary."

Vinny shrugs, a little disgruntled that you have to point that out. "Not really, it just comes to mind." But it's a lie and he knows it. He remembers that day in September when you asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he realised he only wanted you. What he did back then might have been a mistake, dragging you into his mess.

But he wishes he could regret it more. Maybe you wouldn't be here, stuck being happy with the bare minimum.

"So, do you have anything in mind?" Vinny asks again, running his fingers through your soft strands.

You lie back down with a happy smile, "I already said anything is fine." Just like that, you slip back to sleep again. He hates that it takes you so little to be happy. You should want more, demand more from him, so these ugly feelings would feel justified in their existence.

Instead, he glances down at your hand on his chest and wonders what your ring finger would look like with his gift on it.

[wolfertinger]

mainly speaking into the void here but as someone with hypomanic episodes (bipolar type 2) that have turned into full blown mania wis needs to ask a doctor to prescribe her a anti-psychotic or something if her jokes about being manic (and the following anons on this blog taking note of her self description) are accurate. a daily/nightly or PRN doesnt matter she just clearly needs to be medicated if whats going on is truly mania. personally i have my antis as both a nightly and then a smaller dose for a PRN if something goes wrong. i brushed it off as her over exaggerating or simply having mild symptoms of it (like what you see with bpd-not a full blown episode but bursts of mania) before but now i am getting legitimately concerned.

i cant bring myself to try and piece together if her assumed mania last a week-bare minimum for a manic episode- or 4 days-bare minimum for hypomanic-but this is getting to the point where she should be trying to track how long these bouts last. even if i could care enough to try and figure it out and try to do something somehow to get her to look for the help she would need if shes having episodes it would probably be a false negative. i dont know her and i know very well that if its more hypomania specifically that it can be very easy to not only mask towards others but miss entirely as the person experiencing it until the energy crash hits. if wis is reading this i dont like, i dont like thinking about about you, but i geuinely think if you are feeling this manic this often you should try and get on some sort of medication to help bring you down. getting a diagnosis for bipolar type 1 is also far easier if what you are experiencing is only pure mania and not hypomania but it still might be a struggle. actually getting some sort of medication may be difficult without a diagnosis but if you have anxiety there are PRNs for panic and anxiety attacks that would work for (hypo)mania as well. even if i dont like you i can still wish that you dont continue to just struggle through this-especially knowing how much it can make you degrade as a person if you leave it unchecked. the anger and irritability makes it hard to regulate anything. if anyone who talks to her reads this please suggest it as well. i am fully aware this may never reach her and im fine with that but seeing it constantly get brought up is just. its making me want to see her get better on some level even if i dont like her enough due to her recent behaviour to say this without feeling annoyed at myself. i am frustrated with myself for even typing this but it feels too urgent to just say nothing. maybe somehow shell get help if i say something somewhere-even if i dont like how saying it to someone, anyone at all, makes me feel.

^

what people do not understand about mania, is that it is not the "positive experience", in comparison to a depressive episode. it is at times scary, and at least in my experience, lasts a significant amount of time, in which i am in an altered state. again. i am not armchair diagnosing wis. but having people who ACTUALLY care for you, and actually have a backbone, is vital. if salem cannot talk her down from going back, time and time again. she needs better support, and accountability.

eta: i wish to say as well. even if wis is/was manic. it does NOT excuse her actions, whatsoever. if this is one big episode, and she is truly in an altered state, she must still take accountability for her words and actions. mental illness, does NOT make one racist, transphobic, or supportive of rapist. those are personal choices, of wis.

[cinnajun]

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: zb1's beige flags

a/n: i tried to make these as beige as possible … cause sometimes people say “beige flag “ and it’s just a blatant green/red flag LOL hope u enjoy :)

notes: yujin is included this time, but it’s absolutely 100% platonic because i didn’t think this inherently implies romance. so his is PLATONIC!!!!! VERY PLATONIC!!!! also i plagiarized some of these from tiktok, will share links at the end :)

wc | 1.5k

jiwoong’s beige flag is traveling with him. i feel like he travels like a father, so he’s waking you up at 2 in the morning for a flight that isn’t until 7 in the morning. he picks the cheaper parking lot that’s next to the airport and makes you take a shuttle when you could’ve just paid $3 extra to park in the airport parking lot. he goes to starbucks and only gets ice water so you can fill up your emptied bottles. he’s angry the entire time but he still manages to crack a terrible joke to the flight attendant. he panics while you wait for your bags at the baggage claim. he makes you wait in the huge line for the rental car shuttle (where you have to go through three rounds of it leaving and coming back before you can get on) rather than just getting an uber there “because it’s cheaper.” at least you arrive at your destination. godspeed soldier 🫡

zhang hao’s beige flag is that there is always something wrong with him. this man has never been at 100% in his entire life. he always has a headache, or his stomach hurts, or he’s tired, or his arm hurts, or his back hurts…the list goes on. even if you’re carrying extra strength advil, antacid tablets, and one of those little tissue packs, when one issue is resolved, something else begins. the worst part is, when you think everything is fine, you’ll point it out like “oh! you’re not complaining about anything!” and then he’ll give you a look, saying “oh i have a headache right now.” once he felt like he had something in his eye for 3 days straight, but no amount of washing it out or eye drops got rid of the feeling. if he’s not ill or in pain, he’s asleep. you wonder how he got as far as he did when he’s never felt completely okay ever in his life.

hanbin’s beige flag is that he’s entirely unaware when other people are flirting with him. he automatically assumes the best in everyone and he’s got tunnel vision for you, so the idea that anybody is flirting with him is outlandish. you could be standing right next to him, steam coming out of your ears while you force a smile, and he’ll be none the wiser as the person talking to him playfully punches him in the shoulder. on top of that, he’s even more shocked when you point it out to him—he’ll say, “babe, they were just being nice!” and then you have to explain that asking for his number so they can get to know him better is not just being nice. then he gets all offended when you call him dense as if he didn’t entirely miss the heart eyes he was just receiving.

matthew’s beige flag is the fact that he does not question anything. you could tell him that you got a new job and he’d go “oh, cool!” and never ask what exactly it was. your parents once told him that you were a really awful child assuming he’d want to hear more, and he said “makes sense” and never brought it up again. it gets even worse when he tells you things about other people, and when you inquire, he can’t give you any more info. he’ll say “oh, they got cheated on” and you ask who and he has no clue. and it’s not even like he’s uninterested, he just doesn’t think to inquire about anything, even if he’s curious. the idea barely even occurs to him. he didn’t even know where his mom worked when you first started dating, and you asking during your first meeting was the entire reason he found out. you’re considering calling him and telling him that you’re going to prison or something just to see if he even asks why.

taerae’s beige flag is that he cannot explain anything to you without giving you 5 minutes minimum of background information. sometimes it’s over the most mundane stuff too, like him searching for a specific item at the grocery store. he will explain how he had trouble parking before going in, and how he got distracted by the fruit section, and how he had to ask an attendant…all to let you know he didn’t find what he was looking for. once he spent 20 minutes explaining matthew’s life story to tell you a 2-minute long anecdote about how he ran away from a crab at the beach screaming. the worst part is that, whenever you’re on a long drive, he is telling you stories like this the entire time. but he gets mad at matthew every time he mentions the word “story” like YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE KIM TAERAE!!! 🙄

ricky’s beige flag is that he cannot get dressed without your input. you would think this man was a 3-year-old who’d never picked out his own clothes in his life. if you’re not with him, he will facetime you, and if you don’t answer, he will not get dressed until you call him back. this might be endearing except for the fact that, if he doesn’t like your input, he will tell you to pick something else, and ricky can be picky with what he wears. when you ask him why he can’t just pick himself, he says something along the lines of “if you don’t think i look good, then what’s the point.” he has been late to hanging out with you because you didn’t wake up early enough for him to comfortably get ready (with you on the phone). if you spend the night, he will WAKE YOU UP solely so he can get dressed. at least people have said they think he’s started dressing better since you two started dating 😭

gyuvin’s beige flag is the fact that he never hears anything you say. he isn’t ignoring you (although there was a period of time where you thought he was ignoring you), he literally just can’t hear you. one time you were hanging out, you fell in his backyard, and spent so long screaming his name that the neighbor came over and ring the doorbell to ask if you were all right. you have to repeat everything for him. sometimes you have to text him what you’re saying because he cannot decode it. the only time he can hear you without fail is when you’re on the phone. the worst part is that, after a while, he decided he was going to go to the doctor about it and they told him that he literally has trouble hearing the frequency of your voice, so it’s an unfixable issue. you’re stuck like this for the rest of time.

gunwook’s beige flag is that everything you do has to be planned to a T. there is no spontaneity whatsoever when you hang out with gunwook. if you ask to hang out, his first response will be “to do what” and I Don’t Know is NOT an acceptable answer. it can be something as simple as “let’s watch a movie” or something as intricate as “let’s take the train to the beach and go searching for fun shells, and then we can take a scenic bike ride afterward,” there just has to be a plan. when gunwook makes plans for the both of you, he sends you a time-blocked itinerary and he will get a little upset if things go off schedule (but he won’t get angry and ruin things for you). he gets anxious when there’s not a set thing you’re supposed to be doing. at least his plans are always lots of fun!!!

yujin’s beige flag is that he goes days without contacting anyone. he just falls off the face of the earth every 3-4 months for a few days and everyone freaks out in his wake. it starts with gyuvin calling you like “yujin DIED” and then you spend an hour and a half convincing him yujin isn’t dead. then another day without any proof that he’s alive passes and suddenly YOU’RE believing yujin is dead. then you call gunwook, who also hasn’t heard anything, and he calls ricky, who ALSO hasn’t heard anything, and suddenly there’s a groupchat where you’re discussing the likelihood that he’s gone forever. then he posts on instagram and pretends like nothing happened. he doesn’t understand why everyone’s so glad to see/hear from him, either. he even had hao worrying like yujin please don’t do this ever again 🙏

thank you for reading !

tags: @happysmileybee @wtfhyuck

tiktok links: zhang hao, matthew, taerae

[kamatronic]

Hey uh, FNaF fans? Can we talk about the fact that there's an uncomfortably transphobic story in one of the FNaF books for a moment? CONTENT WARNINGS FOR THE TOPICS AHEAD: TRANSPHOBIA, S*ICIDE, BODY DYSMORPHIA, OTHER RELATED TOPICS.

* * * I had put off reading B-7 for a number of reasons; getting a bad vibe enough from the preview, hearing the plot secondhand and fearing for the worst, my total disinterest with the FNaF books at the time, etc. I avoided picking it up for so long that the writer of the book replied to someone inquiring about the story's nature, clarifying that none of what people were reading into it was intentional. As someone who's finally sat down and read the story... I cannot fathom how there was zero negative intentions behind this book, whether consciously made or not. I struggle to think of even the most vile bigot coming up with something that even comes close to cutting as deep as this story did. I'm normally unfazed by horror, I'm a huge sucker for it. This was something different, this is something that made me sick in a way that no piece of media had made me feel before. B-7 tries to be a horror story. And to the untrained eye, it may read as that. If you really severed yourself from the time period the book was released in, and ignored any potential messaging, it might be a quite good one at that. But that is not what B-7 is. This is a story about a boy who's identity is something other than what he is born as. He's made fun of in class for being different, even pulled to a private school where he's still mocked. This boy has his father leave, and his mother continue to "enable" him, before taking her own life when he reaches adulthood. The boy, now an adult realizes that his body is not congruent with his identity, and seeks out medical assistance to look more like what he internally identifies as. A hack doctor provides him with various "mutilating" surgeries, with it becoming harder for him to even function. One day he finally looks into the mirror, and sees himself as a "freak". The story ends with him ending his life, with his last moments being thankful that he is what he was born as, not what his identity is. * * * As someone who's not only a trans woman, but has dealt with various other identity-related issues, this story made me ill. It genuinely ruined my night after reading it and I still don't feel like I have recovered. Just describing the plot doesn't really do the story justice in how sickeningly targeted it feels. Because really, what else am I meant to take away from some of the lines in this book? Examples:

Some of this language, particularly how Billy sees himself as a "failed man" are exact to the attacks that are often levied at trans women. I'm also shocked that the second example made it in without anyone realizing the potential parallels that a story like this could have to real people and their experiences. There are numerous other elements to the story that could also be seen as narrativizations of negative ideas about trans people, such as absent parents, parents and psychologists who "enabled" their "delusions", as well as the media they watched giving them the idea that they're not what they're born as. In the story Billy comes off as a character that's only a few steps removed from being just a checklist of bad stereotypes. To rub salt into the wound, the story later has a character Billy meets on a forum that also sees herself differently to how her body actually is. This character could've easily been trans, to at the bare minimum depict that "oh, Billy is insane, but look here's a trans person that's normal". But no, this character has a surprisingly "normal" and far more common incongruence with her appearance, to a point that it's weird he even met her on a site that's for "people who see themselves differently from their actual bodies". The FNaF books are shockingly empty of any queer representation, and that's fine, I really don't have too much of an issue with some media not representing me personally. But to write a story like this and not even once think of how it could potentially relate to the trans experience is appalling. * * * Normally, I don't think pieces of media can be "harmful" to people. I try to be as open and free about people's artistic expressions as I can possibly be, even if I hate some of what people out there create. This however, is so far removed from my usual standpoint. To release this to a fandom that is predominantly occupied by queer artists and creators is already bad enough, at that point I'd just see it as a bit gross and tasteless. But this is beyond that, this is a book that is marketed towards kids. It'll appear at Scholastic Book Fairs, it has been glossed over by hundreds of younger, unaware fans at this point. What lessons are kids meant to take away from this book? That if you have any sort of identity that's not in line with the way you were born, you'll just end up mutilating and eventually killing yourself, greatful in those last moments to still be what you were born as? Scott, Andrea, Scholastic and whoever else was involved with the release of this really need to take a step back and realize that putting stories out like this for a younger audience is not okay, and can actually damage those who are already suffering enough.

[caged-kaashi]

Hey, Akaashi

Im a 1st year (high school). after winter break Im gonna be a 2nd year and.... I just don't know what to do.

There is literally nothing im good at. i didnt know that was possible. I'm not good at studying, i can't draw, i can't play an instrument, i can't make friends, i can't play any sports, i can't play games, i can't write essays, i'm not funny, i'm not patient.... i'm lazy. i don't know, literally, there's nothing i'm good at. Not even trivial things. Not even like checkers, or dodgeball, or smiling, or talking quickly, or tricking people.

I didn't know it was possible, but here I am. I'm not even healthy; my own fault, with some help from my genes. I cant stay up the night, i sleep like 8 hours and am still sleepy, i dont like eating so im... not underweight, but close. i have no muscle. but i have no fat so i can't skip meals and be fine, if i skip two meals ill become so weak i can barely stand, it sucks.

I tried to make a list once: all the things im good at. squeezed my brain for any niche thing. heres what i came up with:

I'm decent at english. I don't smoke or do drugs or gamble. I'm not a big money spender. sometimes i do the dishes.

The bare minimum, less even.

anyways, i have 2 months of winter break. in that time i wanna learn to cook, at least. and earn money. How can I earn money? and exercise just enough to go back into the 'normal muscle range'. I don't think i can learn to study well enough to get into college in that time. So something, anything. Anything to stay alive later without being a burden on my parents.

Sorry for ranting.

Hello anon, before I begin, thank you for trusting me enough to hear you out. I'm here for you anytime you may need to rant so don't ever hesitate. And I'm sorry that you're feeling awful with how you are currently.

-pulls you down gently to sit beside him-

However, I seem to have noticed your special quality through your words and that is introspection. You have taken time to be true to yourself and search who you are. This may sound albeit spiritual but finding yourself and accepting the form you are at is one of the most basic and important step to improve yourself.

It also appears as though you've already started working on the next step too. You've made a list of things that you want to achieve by a certain time frame and that's great. I'll be cheering you on, celebrate every little achievement just like how parents would with a mere single step of a young baby.

The thing about being good at something is ultimately acquired skills. You may be good at something by birth and that merely gives you a head start, you still need to refine and polish it, in order for the skill to shine. By bringing this point forward, what I mean to say is, you're still young, you can find a skill that interests you and work on it, that's how you acquire skill sets for yourself.

You also posed a question about how to earn money. The easiest trick is to find a way to make yourself more sell worthy in the market and for that you have to work on acquiring the very skills that both interests you as well as is sought out in the market. If you say you're good in English then maybe look into newsletters, improving your writing and start with something small. I do have to also mention that the bare minimum you speak of is still much better than being the worst and doing bad things intentionally.

Lastly, I do wanna add that whatever you do, do it for yourself. I know it sounds selfish but it is ultimately you who has to live with yourself so treat yourself better. Become someone you would trust your child-self to be impressed by because that is the only person who you need to keep happy and satisfied.

You can do whatever you can put your mind to, take a breath, find ways in which you'll be happy and healthy, prioritize yourself more and remember, keep moving- in every sense of the word. Because even the tiniest step is an improvement from where you last were.

[force0fchaos]

Last yap session of the day but while I’m at it, i wanna share my kanade headcanons!!

Unrelated opinions paragraph here, scroll to the red title to get to the actual hc’s

Headcanons are a tough thing for me in the pjsk fandom because sometimes I see people get a little lost in the sauce and use ‘hc’ when what they really mean is ‘au’ or ‘thing I want to happen/wish happened.’ In addition, many hcs I’ve seen tend towards being reductive in my opinion, or not necessarily accurate to the way I see the character. This is fine with me! I love fandom discourse (as long as everyone stays respectful). Everything is a matter of opinion, and as someone who prefers to stay near the canon-accurate side of things (unless I am making an au, see: evil nightcord) not everything will be for me. All that is to say, these takes might not be super daring. I’ve thought a lot before coming to my own conclusions about my favorite characters, and feel a strong need to sufficiently explain and support my takes with evidence and elaboration. But I do hope they’re fun to read nonetheless, and I’d love to hear other people’s opinions as well as their own hcs in the reblogs, contradictory or otherwise!

KANADE HEADCANONS (in order from least to most elaboration)

1) kanade has albinism :D she inherited it from her mom, and it’s (part of) why the sun is especially rough on her

2) kanade is terrible at stem, especially math. She seriously struggles doing operations in her head, she has good spacial awareness but can’t grasp conceptual stuff. When she was younger her parents considered getting her a tutor, but since she’s going into music anyway she just took the bare minimum math classes and moved on

3) (this is a little contrary to canon but) kanade DOES have some semblance of a hair routine (bc how else is it not all matted by now). When she was younger, her mom liked to dress her up and would braid her hair before bed, so kanade always brushes and braids her hair whenever she goes to sleep properly instead of passing out. She will neglect her own needs for the purposes of composing, but her hair feels more like her mom’s than hers, so she makes sure to take good care of it.

4) kanade is the rectangle body type. I only feel the need to say this myself because pjsk has such little variation between their character models, and you really have to look hard to discern their features from one another, but I do think it’s fairly obvious for kanade in particular. Part of it is her lack of healthy eating habits, but I always picture Kanade to be relatively flat with a boxy torso and a round face

5) kanade is demiromantic & ace! (This one is just for me) but I like to imagine her wondering at some point why she doesn’t have crushes on anyone while in junior high school, but all of those thoughts get pushed aside and mostly forgotten after her dad collapsed because ‘I don’t have time for that, I need to make music.’ In terms of other orientation, I imagine kanade to be pan as I don’t think she would have much of a preference as long as she knows the person well. And I can’t honestly picture her going out of her way to use pronouns other than ‘she/her,’ at least in the context of canon.

(Now for the more major/stretching canon hcs)

6) kanade has a chronic illness, which is a major cause of her general fatigue. Yes I know it’s canonically because she doesn’t eat enough or go outside but I think that’s part of why she doesn’t know about it: she rarely engages in physical activity, so she chalks up fatigue to lack of practice, not realizing her fatigue is abnormal. I also think it makes sense for her because her parents both have histories of underlying conditions. Not that pjsk gives us anything to work with, but we know her mom passed away of an illness, and her dad suffered a stroke due to stress; one so major that it could only have been caused by an underlying condition. Running on the assumption that she would have inherited her condition from her mother, I’m sure this would be a subject that would, at least, be on Kanade’s mind. I can’t imagine when she was younger that she would be able to understand her mother’s condition in its entirety. But I can easily imagine as Kanade grows older and puts herself out there more, her having to confront that she may be sick. She would admit her concerns to her grandmother once she realizes she can’t deny it anymore, and her grandmother would confess that she had feared this all along; that it was the same condition her mother suffered from. It’s a compelling concept to me, and one I definitely want to fanfic in the future…

Last but not least, the one you’ve been waiting for:

7) kanade has autism. This one is also tough because project sekai gives us nothing but my CANON evidence is: she eats the same thing every day (not just out of convenience because she also orders noodles when she goes out to eat), wears the same thing every day (verified in a 1koma that she has several of the same outfit, and possibly pointing to sensory issues), focuses on composing for such long stretches that she forgets to eat and take care of herself, and ofc, special interest. I also like to think that kanade is hyper-empathetic, doing things in her childhood like: “I have to spend the same amount of time with all my stuffed animals so none of them feel left out”. Not having the words (much less the diagnosis) to explain some of her behaviors, when she goes nonverbal with niigo she will use the chat function and say something like ‘my voice hurts,’ or more often skip out on the call saying she needs to focus for a while (because when she’s stressed enough to be nonverbal, she’s also going to fall back into the mindset of needing to work herself to death composing). She stimmed a lot when she was younger but (as many do) learned to mask it as she got older. It still manifests in her drumming her fingers on her desk, bouncing her knees, etc. when working at home, and a lot of the time vocally in the form of singing. Her house has always been musical, so this was never a problem. But whenever honami hears her doing this (as it’s often without her realizing it) she gets very embarrassed, so honami pretends not to hear it so that Kanade will do it more.

[darkniters]

i wrote this in 2022, please enjoy

-

sitting by your pc, you're not really paying much attention to the monitors, but more blindly scrolling on your phone. seeing your creator friends making tweets come up on the timeline, and even getting some interactions yourself.

you've got one ear under your headphones, the other laying limp behind your ears, when suddenly a familiar notification chimes from your pc, the same on your phone.

you've received a discord message! but sitting in a ball on a chair seems much more appealing right now, maybe the notification can sit for a bit?

the thought wasn't properly considered, as you were already leaning forward to move your mouse, clicking on the messaging application.

it's a dm from ted!

the single way conversation read as such:

YOU.

you better answer you stupid son of a bitch or i will rain hellfire upon you

HURRY UP

they were all sent within the same minute.

pls be nice to me ted nippleson

what do you want, i have no more corpses in supply, you're gonna need to wait another week for that.

are you INSANE

i do not CARE for your pitiful corpses, fool

however i have made you something (oooh ted i wonder what it is)

you couldn't deny you were weary of what ted prepared for you, but curiosity consumed you as you continued to type on your keyboard with satisfying clicks.

i am very frightened ted

have i ever told you that you are a very scary man

nope, but its good to know that i have that sort of power against you.

anyways, i hope you like this, took me a bit to put together

[ link ]

looking over the link, it sent you to spotify, and you clicked into it. a gasp escaped your throat.

ted made you a playlist! and it had some of your favorite songs and some of his own. this was the first time anyone ever made you a playlist, and you were deeply touched by it. another discord message was sent.

it was very difficult to put together, please oh please im begging on my knees make more playlists public i can't keep guessing the songs you like from twitch con 2 years ago.

ted you actually got it super on point, very impressive top man!

yea cause im never wrong (y/n)

you switch the playlist on, it didnt seem to be in a liminal order. scanning through the songs, he was REALLY on point. you read the description of the playlist.

whats up pussy supreme (you are scared of me, admit it)

you've been on the ted nivison brain waves recently, and yea we talk and game a lot but i feel like a thank you is in order, so check it out! a playlist of the shit you listen to (and some of what i listen to too)

thank you for taking quality time out of your life to talk with my stupid ass

reading this, a smile never left your face. the fact that he even did this in the first place was just so nice!

DUDE you killed that shit

i gotta like make something in return

you silly goose

the reason i made the playlist to arch over both of our music tastes is so you dont need to do anything!

YOURE DEBT FREE

DUDE ILL FEEL BAD

ILL HAVE SOMETHING READY IN A FEW DAYS

NO LEAVE IT ITS FINE

I JUST MADE IT CAUSE WE TALK ALL THE TIME AND WE GAME TOGETHER

I DONT NEED SOMETHING BACK YOU USING YOUR TIME TO TALK IS ENOUGH

PLEASE

ITS OKAY

naaaah i'll make you something for sure dude

spending my time is bare minimum, you do the same with me!

new songs keep playing during the conversation, but when 4:00 comes around, teds gotta head out

alright wise guy

you're lucky i have a video to record right now

or else this would continue

enjoy recording dude, im gonna keep listening to this playlist that you've created for my fine ass

FINE???

YOU ARE THE GOOFIEST MOTHER FUCKER IVE EVER MET

DO NOT CALL YOURSELF FINE

BITCH

D:

i hope your video corrupts

and you

shit yourself during recording

and you lose power

YOU DONT MEAN THAT

I DO????

conversation then fizzled out.

you took one more glance over the playlist and noticed something.

some of these songs were made for confession.

you didnt question it, maybe it was done because he likes them, but also some of them were completely out of the ordinary im the playlist, and stuck out like a sore thumb.

little did you know, ted put those in deliberately, seeing if you'd notice and ask about it. maybe not now, but at some point. and maybe, just maybe, he'd have the balls in telling you how he actually feels.

[13ag21k]

Hellblade 2 Rant:

This post may lack structure and a proper way of discussing the certain issues I had with this game, I'm not a critic but a dedicated fan of 5 years of the original game who waited, and waited for the release of the second one, watched every trailer with my breath held, memorized every word, downloaded every soundtrack and made edits of it, I will be discussing why I as a fan of the first game find this sequel to be absolutely horrible, don't mind me screaming, though having played the game I'm sure you won't mind it:

The story:

The first game was good due to its deep story, it was about Senua overcoming her fears, loving herself and overcoming her father's influence, seeing through his lies and realizing that she was not cursed, but just broken and a little different, the journey is heartbreaking and also climactic moments where you as a player can't help but feel sad, happy or enraged along with her, the game did such a good job at connecting Senua to the players, you could feel her fear, despair, determination and anger, you felt weak and scared with her, the realization that everything she sees was inside her head is shocking and heartbreaking that by fighting on and following her decisions you are feeding into her delusions and she will never be free till she decides to give up her quest to bring back her dead husband, because you can't bring back the dead, the curse, the Gods are all lies and trauma induced by his father that she faces head on and acknowledges them in the end finally allowing her to see through his lies and deceit.

The second game however tried so hard to be deep, they replicated these same ideas but made it worse by turning Senua into a super hero with psychic powers, where now all of a sudden, Giants and Gods are real and not just a figment of her imagination symbolizing her inner struggles, they destroyed everything the first game represented and turned a psychological horror into a fantasy game, the characters are just miserable the whole time, just a bunch of sad people that you never feel connected to and their stories are never explored, purposeless. Senua's advices and her attempts at helping others was bleak, shallow and the lines felt like they were generated by Ai, every single damn second she was screaming that she won't give up and that her father is wrong and then fall under his spell right after blaming herself for other people's miseries, she overcame those struggles in the first game just fine and yet they tried to stretch the same themes and ideas over another 5 hours of boring gameplay. They tried to turn her into a girl boss where she can do and beat anything while doing the bare minimum, they legit turned her mental illness into a superpower, like...the first game was about the danger of her condition and her delusions and now? Well it means that she can see things others don't and save the day doing so, they merged her delusions from reality and no amount of saying "that was a metaphor" can save it from the truth.

One more thing that pissed me off was Senua almost falling in love with the man who worsened her psychosis by killing her people, taking them as slaves and murdering her husband in cold blood and ripping his ribcage open and turn it into wings for Senua to see, for her to stumble upon, for her to drown in despair and such misery that it broke her completely, I wanted them all dead, each and every one of them, they did not deserve senua to help them, nor earned her loyalty, in first minute of his introduction you know he will become a semi lover interest for her and it angered me so much.

The Combat:

The first game did it so well that I got hooked, I replayed it almost 4 times for the sake of the combat, you had to be strategic, find out the enemies weak points, block, parry, sprint and kick, evade and it was so engaging, there were many options and you could tweak the settings to make things more challenging if you wished, the enemies would attack in groups and you had to act fast and wisely to avoid certain death, all the while you felt so deeply connected to Senua that her death would bring you discomfort and the rot on her arm would grow larger, the voices inside her head,helped her during combat and gave her strategic advice when needed and their silence only brought unease, the sword felt heavy and real, you could feel each strike and got tired when you attacked fast, it felt real. There was also a lot of to move away from an enemy and think strategically, to recover plan things and then attack, to align yourself in such a way that you could strike them without letting them surround you completely.

The second game did a piss poor job at all of the above, the combat was stiff, if played on Hard mode you could not parry, evade or block any of the attacks, you couldn't even recover from evading fast enough to respond to an enemy's attack or parry it, even if you did find a weakness in an enemy you couldn't act fast enough to strike them when vulnerable and if you played it on easy mode then you could just press one button and be done for, there was no room to have fun nor anything made it engaging, the enemies would attack one by one and though some scenes were just abit cool overall it was underwhelming and the opponents never instilled as much fear as those from the previous game did, all the while you couldn't feel the sword, the voices inside your head were completely useless and whiney. There was no room to move, you were backed against a wall or unable to roll around and evade, it took a lot of time for her to recover which made her vulnerable and she got hit way more than she use her sword as expected.

The Graphics:

They were beautiful but don't expect me to give them a pat on their backs for giving me the bare minimum, I do not care about graphics if the story and combat are shit. the old Mario games are more engaging than this horrific nightmare.

The soundtracks, or Heilung:

I waited and waited as an old Heilung fan to hear more from them, to get more than one soundtrack that was not even posted on their YouTube channel, one soundtrack that was as underwhelming as the game and a few background music pieces that were actually good when played during emotional scenes or combat but that was it, I was legit expecting some sort of a mini album release since I was waiting for it since 2019, but I guess I couldn't get a single good thing out of this game.

Final words:

I've never been this disappointed by anything before, it felt like a punch to the gut or having a cold bucket of iced water thrown over me, I'm legit still shocked at how bad this game is, it did not deliver a single thing right, a company that was bought by Microsoft and had 7 years, high tech gear and equipment to develop and finish this game in a leisurely pace with a dedicated fanbase that would've waited another 7 years for its release they created this monstrosity that thank God only lasted 5 hours, why do we allow this? Since when do we settle for the bare minimum? I'm legit disgusted and hurt, will never buy a single game from this company ever again.

I better leave before I start ranting for another 5 hours *screeches in anger*

[cassi-pokeblogging-hub]

can you explain what you mean by not bad parents just bad parents to maple specifically? because i dont think you mean like abuse apologist but im struggling to understand the post

i explained a little where its like. the circumstances around maples birth and childhood and i can explain a bit more here. as best i can at least without revealing everything here rather than on maples blog. no idea how familiar you are with what ive dropped about maples parents but his mom is ivy, his dad is ulex, his father is venus, an his pa is nettle. no idea how much ill use their names going on from this point forward but its probably useful to have.

its VERY hard to raise a kid. even the best parents fuck up their kid a little somehow. and sometimes its not really anyones fault its just shit that has to happen from circumstances like a kid that grew up in a family that suddenly became poor cause of layoffs might be kinda stressed out because of the financial issues and thats not the parents fault they were living comfortably with good jobs when the kid was born and then afterwards lost those jobs suddenly and they couldnt have predicted that would happen like a few years down the line. or having a kid while your mental health is GREAT and then like a bad accident happens and your partner dies and just pregnancy/new parent hormones combined with that grief tank your mental health and ability to raise the kid. thatsno ones fault thats shitty circumstance and its a similar kinda thing tha happened with maples parents.

maples parents were all in like university/ranger school when she was born. they were all VERY BUSY and all low/no contact with their parents for various reasons at the time ranging from bad relationship with family to being in college and wanting to be independent while also being stupid irresponsible 19/20 year olds. maple was not planned and everyone kinda deferred to his mom to make decisions since she was the one pregnant. this was a bad idea because his mom was not mentally stable AT ALL at this point for multiple reasons. she dissasociated for basically the entire pregnancy and for much of maples first 6 years of life. post partum depression and psychosis beat her fucking ass at one point. IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS her luxray died as well. ivy's paranoia and lack of awareness of anything that was happening around her led to her suggesting they all just stay in school and finish their shit so they all have better jobs in the longterm and can take care of maple later as well as kept any of them from contacting family from help. she was not even aware that she had kinda pressued everyone into these decisions and FOR A WHOLE SIX YEARS thought ulex had dropped out of ranger schools to take care of maple. he hadnt. (side note ivy is a therapist now. she was in school for that when maple was younger. yeah. when your therapist needs a therapist more than you). once she had kinda gotten out of that spell when maple was 6 she still kinda did the bare minimum because she was afraid of being her abusive father. if ANY of these circumstances were different. if any of her partners realized how fucked up ivy was maple would have had a VASTLY different childhood and be not anywhere near as fucked up. they would have been fine. its just the fact they were all in university and ivy won the most mentally ill woman competition for like 7 years consecutively that made them raise maple badly. hell, ivy has realized she FUCKED UP. she wants a relationship with maple and maple does want a relationship with her but right now maple is terribly affraid of her (for easons that are not her fault) and they cannot have this relationship. maples other parents did what they can to fix things as well its just hard rn when maples in paldea and the only parent in paldea is super busy with work usually so they only get to hang out every few weeks.

if they had another kid now that kid would be raised well. maple is just the worlds worst example of born at a bad time.

[b-blushes]

medical/health stuff (maybe upsetting? but also this is just my life so my gauge is off 😅)

god okay. this time last year i was feeling so ill that i went to the dr like 'something very bad is happening to me it feels like there is something wrong with my cells. like. my cells are empty' and i had some tests done and one of my results was pretty low so i got 'treated' for it - levels increased by not quite 3x original result. dr says that's fine and i stop the treatment (low level meds). feels like i can breathe again. nice. had been feeling so bad that this felt good. this year i am still feeling bad. gets to the point where i'm like okay i have once again got to go to the dr because my fatigue is still really disabling and i don't want to leave this as 'well you have like 4 different conditions that could cause fatigue so it's probs that dw' because what if there is a chance of feeling less bad. i know i'm never going to be well but i could be less bad. i'm only really able to leave the house once a week for a few hours at most unless i want to get too unwell to like. live my life in isolation at home in addition to that. not ideal for a person to be living with maybe average of 5 hours a week total of 'contact with other humans' but u know how it is being disabled in a pandemic. (bad) i do some research because once again you know how it is being disabled (gps have quite often never heard of some diagnoses i have and do not know how to handle management of them, given that sometimes they have not even known which specialist i needed to be referred to to be assessed or diagnosed when i presented with these symptoms. so i did that research myself and talked it through with them and got it done). turns out the fatigue clinic requires results TEN TIMES my original result so that 3x improvement was not going to cut it. who knows what my levels are like a year later also. so i am going back specifically with regard to this. anyway. go to my appointment and have more tests. back to 2x original which is 5x lower than what the fatigue clinic lists as the lowest levels a patient with them should have. ask to be referred for like. proper treatment this time. i'm going to the hospital next week. (shouldn't be a big thing or have side effects particularly) i am feeling many things about this! i only have access to 4 years of test results for this thing, but in those 4 years i have never once reached the minimum threshold of results set for the fatigue clinic. the best i got was 3/5ths of the way there. if this treatment makes a difference to my fatigue it will literally be life changing. maybe i can, like, live in the world more. the implications on the last however many years of my life though, if this is the case and i didn't have to be living like this all this time, are a bit uhhhh soul destroying. BUT if it makes a difference at least i got there. and at least i've had my back all this time doing what research i can. grateful to all the drs who have listened to what i've had to say and have been willing to make referrals for me when they had no clue what was going on with me. also conflicting feelings about. like. how bare minimum this is and how that's been a 'good' outcome for medical care for me. but we stay silly because what else can we do!!!

[an-aura-about-you]

so MY day blew absolute chunks!

under the cut for sickness both human and animal, vomit mention, family trouble, a near accident, and general unpleasantness.

-started the day kinda lazy and late since I was sick Sunday and part of Monday. ended up starting it so late that by the time I fed the cat he wolfed it down too fast and vomited it back up. :( so that was a thing I had to clean up before leaving.

-got a message from my sibling that our mother is Losing Her Goddamn Mind. what's going on is she's started drinking again, and this is apparently the final straw for Dad, who has decided a separation is in order for him to establish proper boundaries. so he and my sibbie are moving out into an apartment. so our mother swung right into angry and controlling and straight up said my sibling was "trying to steal her husband." a quick bullet list on that:

What??

Ewwwww!

NO!

WHAT??????????????

anyway, I told my sibbie they could use my spare keys to stay at my place if they like while I'm out at the office.

-leave for work with the bare minimum of what I need for the day to be okay: my laptop, lanyard, phone, headphones, cane, and half a bottle of Gatorade. I don't bring a lunch, a reusable cup, any of my herbal teas I use to make flavored water, and my money situation is so tight that buying lunch means it's going on the credit card. but at this point I'm like, "fuck it, I'll buy lunch."

-one bit of luck: at the lunch kiosk they're selling chicken gumbo, so I get a cup of that and it's not too pricey AND it tasted good. also earlier I overheard the lady who works there talkin' nice about me behind my back after I came in and wished the crew there good morning. (I pass the lunch kiosk on the way to the elevators.)

-the site to clock in and out was malfunctioning for me most of today. I had to send an email for FOUR missing punches, the most I've ever had to deal with. at least I can back up my presence with the group chat, my badging in and out of the office, and witnesses.

-I got some texts from the social committee, which was fine that they got to do the Valentine's Day treat bags for all our neighbors, but I was sad that I was too sick on Sunday and working yesterday and today, so I couldn't help put them together or pass them out. :( (I did get mine when I got home and it was very cute!)

-lunch time rolls around, so I go out to a nice coffee shop and get some tea. there was construction on my way, so I try looking into an alternate path back to the office. once I realized that path would take longer than going through the construction again, I turn around and on my way back I NEARLY GOT HIT BY A CAR TURNING LEFT INTO THE ROAD???? AND THEY HAD THE NERVE TO HONK AT ME LIKE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE WHEN THEY WERE THE ONE TURNING?????????

-I get some extra work tonight because even though I'm not doing my day team's banks this week, I'm learning how to hand them out AND a night team coworker had some connection issues so I had to do two of her banks.

-I also found out that the coworker who does the day team banks this week will be out tomorrow, so I WILL have to do the day team banks then.

-all after my last break, I heard my bothersome coworker talk on and on about her conservative politics, cooking info that I know from my Le Cordon Bleu background doesn't work with the science, and medical misinformation that will likely get her killed. this is the same person who has a "strongly held religious belief against wearing masks" and "believes parasites cause cancer." her latest take is that sugar causes all ills. arthritis? sugar. dementia? sugar. glaucoma? sugar. like, what????? is any of this actually proven? by a reputable source?

-when I got home I found that the cat coughed up a hairball on my comforter. :(

[lovenliterature]

Collection: Responses to Increased Risk by Shannon Lee Barry

Through the Fog (response to i greet the world in pain, page 3)

Encoded (response to daisy chains, page 5)

Find Me a Solution (response to for the undiagnosed, page 7)

Broken memory (response to the weight, page 9)

Not Common (response to diagnosis, page 11)

Fix my mind (response to increased risk, page 13)

Make it a choice (response to the lonely thing about it, page 15)

Crossed wires (response to battleground, page 17)

At least be grateful (in response to sales tax, page 19)

Health is a privilege (in response to sales tax, page 19)

A Battle of Diminishing Returns (response to half-life, page 21)

Suffer in silence (response to the never ending fight, page 23)

Shortcut (response to ouroboros, page 25)

Fickle weather (response to foundation, page 27)

Relentless (response to something to keep, page 29-30)

Dead centre (response to worthy, page 31)

A New Reality (response to on being used to it, page 33)

You buckle; I fall (response to thin ice, page 35)

Poultice of absolution (response to carry me, page 37)

Lack of sight (response to partly cloudy, page 39)

One in, one out (response to this is me in remission?, page 41)

The question, this time (response to vanishing act, page 43-44)

Used to be (response to placeholder, page 45-46)

Elusive pain (response to just fine, page 47)

The storm (response to the weather, page 49-50)

Countdown (response to bitter pill, page 51-52)

Constructed memories (response to thief, page 53-54)

Gardening (response to little pains, page 55-56)

Organ failure (response to the prayer, page 57)

My normal (response to mundanity, page 59)

To be seen (response to invisible, page 61-62)

What are you grateful for? (response to anniversary, page 63)

A prophecy fulfilled (response to limits and proofs, page 65)

Demon (response to thin ice, page 67-68)

Rationing (response to thin ice, page 67-68)

I didn’t need to be taught (response to before and after, page 69)

Never too heavy (response to because i went to long before someone told me, page 71)

A Good Life (response to a great life in glimpses, page 73-74)

To fail and be failed (response to the bare minimum, page 75)

Honest; dramatic (response to in distress, page 77)

The Key to Me (response to epitaph, page 79)

Do I have to spill my guts for you to believe me? (response to medicine is the best medicine, page 83-84)

The witness and the lawyer (response to hero of the story, page 85-86)

How to be resilient (response to lovely, page 87-88)

Belief in Diagnosis (response to of note, page 89)

Fine (response to monday, page 91-92)

A plea from the inconvenience (response tohappy new year, page 93-94)

Happy man (response to houseplant, page 95)

Trapped (response to the paradox, page 97)

Another prescription (response to veteran, page 99)

Far-fetched (response to patient was emotional and difficult, she should try yoga, page 101)

Apology (response to “any allergies i should be aware of?, page 103)

Don’t bury me before I’m gone (response to the inverse, page 105)

Smile through the blood (response to invisible illness, page 107)

Soft by choice (response to the lesson, page 109)

make it a home (response to price point, page 111)

Unwilling test subject (response to repetition, page 113)

Feature or bug (response to inspiration porn, page 115)

All consuming (response to megaphone, page 117)

Angry (response to anger management, page 119-120)

Slow down (response to a tough pill, page 121)

Pick and choose (response to questionnaire, page 123-124)

Translate yourself, for me (response to expert, page 125)

Cruel hope (response to chipper with a smile, page 127-128)

New list (response to the sum of my broken parts, page 129-130)

Factory settings (response to yours alone, page 133-134)

In control (response to control, page 135-136)

Take it slow (response to permission to rest, page 137)

Hang on (response to silver linings, page 139)

Not a cure (response to answer as armor, page 141)

Happy for you, really (response to when hope is heavy, page 143-144)

The Price of Joy (response to hidden talents, page 145)

Paint on that smile (response to unpause, page 147)

Waiting in the wings (response to the magician, page 149)

Roadmap (response to the errand, page 151-152)

Come as you are (response to not lonely, page 153-154)

Make your own sunshine (response to pusher-througher, page 155)

My body and its enemy (response to to love a broken thing, page 157)

The list keeps growing, but you keep going (response to a mini-fridge full of syringes, page 159)

Tragic painting (response to don’t count the good days, page 161-162)

Side-effects may vary (response to early onset, page 163-164)

On Fighting (response to not tragic, page 165)

Cyclical (response to again, page 167)

Still here (response to permission to be great, page 169)

Here today, not gone tomorrow (response to good enough (for now), page 171-172)

Incoherence (response to good enough (for now), page 171-172)

Future planning (response to the world will wait), page 173)

Intangible (response to wins and losses), page 175-176)

Cut it out and cut me down (response to after the fear is gone), page 177)

Buttercup (response to secret weapon), page 179)

Bloodletting (response to tenacity), page 181-182)