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shreddedparchment · 6 years ago

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Shattered Glass Pt.03 - Final

Broken Hearts

07/15/2019

Pairing: Tony x Reader, Steve x Reader Word Count: 6,447

Masterpost Warnings: smut, language, ANGST, heavy drinking, neglect

A/N: This was a ride. I don’t end many fics this way but this one felt right. I think next time I write a Tonycentric fic I’ll make sure that Pepper isn’t in it in the way she was in this one. I’ll definitely need to do another Tony fic. This began as part of @moonbeambucky ‘s challenge. Again, I just pounded this thing out. Forgive any errors. I didn’t edit this AT ALL. I’ll need to come back. If you happen to reblog, thanks for helping me spread my work! xoxo

“What happened to your arm?” Nat gasps, quickly moving forward to relieve you of the bulking suitcase you’re carrying and the one Tony’s sliding behind him.

“It’s my fault.” You tell her, cheeks burning as you remember your recklessness.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait for my signal, Princess. I’ll go in from the left. You go in from the right. We take them out a section at a time and work our way into that final bunker. I’m sure the big cheese is in there. Waiting like a moldy lump of gorgonzola.” Tony whispers into your comm.

“Doesn’t that just mean it’s ripe?” You check but you become distracted as the head honcho himself. “Tony, isn’t that-?”

“Son of a bitch.” Tony mutters, recognizing the bearded man. His olive skin, dark graying hair, dark eyes. He’s scarred on one side of his face, his right arm useless and held in a sling. “That’s the asshole that held me in a cave for three months.”

Abu Bakaar. You know him only from the briefs in the files that Tony has.

“How the hell is he still alive?” Tony growls.

You can hear the hate in his voice, the fear. “I can get him, Tony. Before he escapes again.”

“What? No. Stick to the plan.”

“He’ll get away.” You complain.

“Y/N, stick to the plan.”

“I’m going in after him.” And you dive forward, your target set, your path unknown.

“Shit, no!” Tony yells and with no other choice, he follows you into the lion’s den.

~~~~~~~~~

“Why didn’t you two ask for backup?” Nat chastises as Sam and Steve wander in from the hallway that leads to the gym.

They both stop as they spot the pair of you, moving towards you both like Nat did, with concern in their eyes.

“What happened?” Steve asks, noticing the sling holding Tony’s arm.

You bite your lip, then reach up to bite your thumb’s nail as you fuss over his injury. If you hadn’t been stupid, he wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

“I’m fine.” Tony insists. “Let’s just get this debrief over with so that I can go take many, many pills.”

Sam and Steve move up towards the long tables where debriefs usually occur.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. can you call Vision and Wanda?” Nat asks and doesn’t care to hear a response knowing the A.I. will do as she asks.

She’s already rushing to set up the computer.

“Tony…” You begin, moving towards him and reaching out for his uninjured hand.

He holds it up, stopping you, giving you no chance to grab his hand.

“I’m fine, Y/N.” He insists.

When he drops his hand, you reach for it again, but he moves away from you, trailing up towards the table and taking a seat at the opposite head so that he can look at the large display without obstruction.

You linger by the steps, wringing your hands as a black hole begins to settle in the base of your stomach.

You sit to Tony’s right, staring at him in search of the soft cuddly man from the island.

Even after his injury he’d been so sweet with you, caressing your head as you set his arm—just a dislocated shoulder but it really hurt so you’d put it in a sling to force him not to use it—as he assured you that he was fine.

He won’t even look at you now.

You meet Steve’s eyes, sitting across from you, and find him frowning. Eyebrows drawn together as he watches the way you slide your hand towards Tony’s, but he pulls it away making a show of scratching the back of his head or adjusting the sling on his arm.

Your ears burn when you see Steve notice this and quickly pull your hands down into your lap and divert all of your attention to the display.

You’re not listening as Tony explains the layout of the base and the different outposts. He talks about the initial scouting you two did and you remember all the romance in the moments between it. The touches. The escapes to your room and the sex among glittering seafoam crested waves. Soft spoken promises of devotion.

“Y/N?” Steve calls, pulling your mind back to the present.

“What?” You ask, startled.

“Bakaar? Tony says you saw him get away?” Steve asks, his fingers rapping on the table.

He’s tense. He’s trying to hide it but you can see it on him.

“I uh…” You glance at Tony and find his chocolate browns almost black as he stares you down, frowning lightly because of course he can see you analyzing Steve.

You scoot closer to him and reach under the table, stroking the thick muscle of his thigh but he clears his throat and gets up, pacing to the railing behind him to lean against.

“Yeah. He was on a boat and out of sight before we could follow. It was my fuck up. If I’d waited like Tony wanted to, we might have had him.” You confess, hating yourself for screwing this up.

“I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.” Steve assures you and maybe it’s because you and he haven’t really talked since your split but you’re grateful for his kindness and give him a small smile.

“It really was.” You promise him.

“Alright, he got away. We’ll keep an out for him. F.R.I.D.A.Y. send up all the usual red flags to all the big wigs. Get those satellites scanning. Find Bakaar.” Tony orders.

“Right away, boss.”

“Good? Okay. Nobody bother me. I’ll be drunk and drugged up in my room.” Tony announces then moves off towards the stairs.

You watch him as he goes, a small rise of panic in your chest at his upset with you. “If I can do anything, please let me know.”

Nat gives you a nod as she gathers up the mission reports and slides them to Steve, shutting off the computer as you rise. “Will do.”

You turn and scamper after Tony, eager to mend whatever break you’ve caused. “Tony?”

Steve waits for it, for their commentary on the way you seem to dote on Tony’s moods. He’s waiting for Sam to point out that you must have really fucked up in order for Tony to be so cold when he’s really only ever been full of affection for the woman he’s with.

An arm around their waist, hand holding, winks, even the occasional kiss on the cheek.

He can see that you and Tony have started seeing each other. It’s in the way you move, the looks you give him. It’s why Steve had stepped aside.

The moment Tony had told him that things with Pepper were going belly up, he knew that he’d eventually have to step aside so that you could have what you finally wanted.

Tony wanted you too, Steve has known that for a long time. Letting you go had been hard. He still wants to give in, go back to you, claim you as his own but he can’t because you want Tony.

He’d thrown himself into Betsy’s affections and that’s where he’s been for the past month.

So, the fact that Sam and Nat, Wanda and Vision already up and gone don’t comment on your anxiety throws him.

“What’s going on with them?” He asks and waits for one of them to answer.

“Vision and Wanda? They’re always like that. If you ask me, someone should have a talk with them about keeping the PDA a little more behind closed doors.” Sam complains.

Nat smirks. “You’re only saying that because you haven’t had a date in six weeks.”

“Four. Four weeks. Stop telling people it’s six weeks. That coffee with that nurse in the mess hall counts.” He says, pointing at Nat as she turns to look at Steve with that same smirk.

“What are you worrying about now?” She asks him, noticing the pucker between his eyes.

“I didn’t mean Vis and Wanda, I’m talking about Tony and Y/N.” Steve clears up, pulling the reports closer to adjust into a neater pile.

“Tony and Y/N?” Sam asks, getting up and shaking his head. “What about them? The mission was tough. I’m sure they’re just tired. Tony’s always a grump after a tough mission.”

“He’s being a little cold. So what?” Nat shrugs. “She did rush in and get his arm dislocated.”

Steve hesitates because he doesn’t want to say something and be wrong. But…no! It’s as clear as day to him that you and Tony are finally dating.

“Anyway, it’s kinda your fault for saying no.” Nat accuses him.

“My fault?” Steve asks, confused. “Saying no to what?”

“To the mission. I was already assigned to that conference in Washington. Sam had his V.A. thing. Rhodey is always running missions for D.C. Wanda and Vision were going on their vacation. Clint finally went home. Tony said he asked if you’d go with him and you said you couldn’t. Too busy with Betsy, huh?” Nat wiggles her eyebrows, but Steve is too busy reeling from this flat out lie that he doesn’t respond to the Betsy comment.

“He asked me to go with him?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Sam nods. “And if you’d gone, maybe Tony wouldn’t be in such a bad mood. I don’t know why we’re still sending Y/N out on missions when she can’t keep her head on straight long enough to consider everyone else in the room. I had to ask her to be nicer to Betsy after that one dinner, remember? That night you brought her?”

“What?” Steve remembers you throwing a small fit. Betsy’s confusion from it but it had blown over so quickly that he hadn’t spared it another thought. “What did you tell her?”

“I just told her that she wasn’t being very nice and if she wasn’t going to try that maybe she should stay in her room until she felt like being nicer.” Sam shrugs but then steps back as Steve stands suddenly, glaring at him with an anger that Sam has only ever seen trained at misbehaved recruits.

“Have you or have you not seen Tony and Y/N together?”

“Steve, what are you getting at?” Nat asks, a little exasperated with him. Steve can see the annoyance in her face.

“Tony…Y/N…they’re seeing each other, aren’t they?” He asks.

“What?” Nat shakes her head, utterly confused by his words. “It’s only been two months since Tony and Pepper split.”

“Yeah,” Sam agrees. “I mean, if he was seeing her, talk about a downgrade.”

Steve slams his hand down on the table. It groans and shifts from the strength of his hit but the fire in his chest is scorching.

“What the hell is your problem with her, Sam?” Steve demands, rage building at the clear dislike Sam has for you.

Would he still be treating you like this if he knew how Steve feels about you? Steve wonders.

“I don’t necessarily have a problem with her. I just—if you ask me, she needs more training. She’s not ready to be on the team.” He assesses.

“So instead of offering to train her you decide to spit insults at her behind her back?” Why does this happen to you? Steve doesn’t understand it. What is it about you that sets people on edge?

“It’s not that I’m…listen, I don’t dislike the girl. She and I just don’t flow on the same wavelength. I think I’d get frustrated trying to train her.” Sam admits, sending another wave of anger through Steve making his vision flash red.

“That isn’t teamwork, Sam. And you should know better.” Steve chastises him then grabs the reports and walks off before either of them can say anything more to stop him.

As he makes his way to his room, he realizes that your happily ever after with Tony might just run into a few snags because Tony, like he had done, seems to be hiding you from the rest of the team too and this discovery fills Steve with a wicked amount of apprehension and fury.

Steve sticks around. He lingers in the common spaces and as sneakily as possible, he looks for you.

He waits for you and Tony to come out together because he does follow you to Tony’s den and you spend days locked up in there with him.

Yes. You and Tony are together…at least within the confines of Tony’s den.

In the two weeks since Steve has started his search for proof of you and Tony’s relationship, only twice has he seen you and Tony together among the others.

Once, at another of Tony’s usual galas, he takes you to the dance floor and he twirls you around the floor teal illuminated floor.

You look beautiful in a stunning red satin gown. It clings to your form in all the right places and if Steve didn’t have Betsy on his arm, he might have given in to his urge to ask you to dance too but out of respect for you and Tony, he doesn’t.

He watches you light up in Tony’s arms, ecstatic to be his girl but as soon as the song ends, Tony drops you off at the bar and takes Nat out to dance. Then Wanda. Then Maria.

Steve watches you sit at the bar and stare as Tony takes out several more women out to dance before drifting off to mingle amongst his guests.

He doesn’t find you again that night and you get steadily more and more drunk.

Betsy wants to leave so Steve walks her out and gets her into one of Tony’s chauffeured cars, kisses her cheek, then hurries back up to the dance floor.

He doesn’t see you at first but as he casually moves through the party goers, sliding along the limestone floor, and banquet tables, he scans every corner of the room.

As he passes the bar, he sees your glass sitting just where you’d been, glass nearly full of what would have been your fifth whiskey of the night.

With his hands shoved into his pockets, he follows the route you would have most likely taken and considers the bathroom.

Purpose driven steps pull him towards that small hallway where the bathrooms wait. He holds his arm up on the doorway as two giggling socialites gawk at him in his formal wear, then he slides the door shut behind him as he moves towards the women’s bathroom.

He stops before the door, hesitating.

Shit. He should have grabbed one of those girls to check for you in there since he can’t go.

He raises his hand, lifting it to knock on the heavy wooden door but stops when he hears a familiar whimper.

He turns to his left, moving down past the men’s bathroom towards a closet at the end of the hall. The door isn’t shut all the way and he peeks in and wishes he hadn’t.

Your pretty dress is pulled up, gathered around your waist, laying on what must be Tony’s tuxedo jacket.

He’s kissing your neck, sucking on the skin that Steve remembers tasting himself. Sweet sugar and dewy honey. Tony’s movements are quick and rough, a frantic pulsing of thrusts as he yanks down the top of your dress and your breasts spill out to bounce with the urgency of his need.

Steve’s shock robs him of words for thoughts and speaking. He reaches to shut the door, but he seems to be catching the show just as it’s over.

You give that familiar tremble and your body clings to Tony as you’re awash in ecstasy. Tony clutches you close, thrusting into you a few more times before he buries himself deep and hits his peak too.

Your arms fall over your head and the thought pops into his head before he can stop it.

Too rough. Steve hates to see your body used because to him, that’ what it looks like.

There’s no love in what he just saw. Only lust. He very nearly decides that what Tony can give you is nothing more than pain and the very next morning he’ll convince you of it and hope that you come away with him…then Tony nuzzles his nose into your cheek, into your hair, kissing you softly with fluttering pecks.

Steve stares because yes, what he just saw was nothing but lust but there in the vestiges of whatever Tony had just done to you, is the love.

He knows it because he’s felt it. He gave you those same caresses, those same kisses.

Tony finds your lips and kisses you slow and genuine, his eyes boring into yours though your eyes are hazy with whiskey, telling you without words how much he loves you.

Steve shuts the door, silently, and heads back into the ballroom, staring up at the stained-glass ceiling for what feels like a long time as he considers both sides of this argument.

Tony is clearly keeping you to himself. Truly to himself. All night he’s ignored you, refusing to show anyone what you really mean to him. Why?

Is he ashamed? He has no reason to be. You’re…a little reckless at times, quick to anger, but you’re passionate and playful. You love with your whole heart and the damages of your youth are not are a struggle but one that Tony should be willing to carry.

If he loves you, he must have comforted you in the night when you wake up from those nightmares, right? He must have held you and kissed you and assured you that you were good and just right the way you are, right?

The door behind him opens and Tony emerges, tuxedo jacket back on but wrinkled. He looks around, smoothing his hair before spotting someone at the other end of the room. His head tilts to the right and he hurries across the dance floor.

Steve waits for you to follow but after five minutes, when you don’t, he sighs and ducks back into the hallway. He checks the closet again, hoping that you’re in the bathroom instead but he finds you there, sitting against the wall with your head resting against the cool stone. You’re decent at least, so there’s that.

Your head swivels in his direction and after a moment your eyes shine with recognition.

“Steve!” You gasp, smiling, stupidly happy to see him. “Hi!”

“Hey, doll face. Come on. Let’s get you home.” Steve moves over to you and you reach up to wrap your arm around his neck instinctively.

You smell like a liquor store and Steve finds that the rage in his belly just won’t quit. He feels sick to his stomach. Angry enough to punch someone.

He lifts you, holding you close as he kicks the closet door open and then heads for the ballroom.

“He just left you in there?” He asks, not really even sure if you’re listening.

“Tony said he’d be right back for me.” You argue, drunk but not as drunk as he might think maybe.

“Well, it’s been almost ten minutes.” Steve argues back.

You groan, an angry grimace thrown his way, but you’re already dozing on his shoulder and he doesn’t want to wake you.

It takes skill to get you snuck through the ballroom without the team seeing you. He doesn’t want Sam judging you or Nat frowning at you disapprovingly. Wanda would probably offer to help but then chastise you gently even through your sleep.

And for some reason, Steve wants to see the panic in Tony’s eyes when he doesn’t find you shut away in that closet.

Used and discarded. He thinks, though he knows he’s being unfair.

He was no better, keeping you to himself, shut up in your room.

His heart aches with guilt at the thought. He should have shoved you in all of their faces.

Steve has nearly made it to the front doors, having avoided most of the notable guests when he hears Tony’s voice, strained and stressed.

He’s hidden in an alcove in the large foyer. Steve hurries forward, eager to get out of the building before he’s seen when a second voice reaches his ears.

“This is the problem. This right here, Tony. You talk about commitment and the future like you’re ready but you’re not. You keep playing these games and I can’t wait around for you to be ready to grow up.”

“Pepper-Pep-Pepper, wait. Alright? Wait. Look, I’m working on it. I’m…I know I’m a mess.” Tony says.

“You’ve said all of this to me before, Tony. And you’re right. You’re all over the damn place. How do you expect me to start a life with someone who can’t even remember to pay his taxes? Or be there when he says he’ll be there. I waited for six hours. Six! You didn’t call. You didn’t even try and get word to me that you were caught up doing all these crazy things that you do, and it’s not like you were saving the world, Tony. I know you weren’t. You were stuck in your lab, fiddling with your toys, oblivious to the world around you. What are you going to do if we have kids? I need an adult-” Pepper pleads.

Tony tries to cut her off, “Pepper-”

But she speaks over him, shutting him up. “-someone who is willing to deal with his problems and not run from them. Someone who can put me first. Put our life first before all the bullshit this job of yours asks for. If you want this to work, you need to get your shit together, Tony. I can’t wait forever, and I’m very nearly done waiting.”

She’s near tears, and Steve can hear that. As he pushes through the door, he can hear Tony calling after her. Chasing her. With you, forgotten in a closet.

Steve waits for two hours, leaning against the wall outside your door.

He hadn’t undressed you. He hadn’t cleaned you up. He’d put you to bed, aspirin and water left for you to drink, then planted himself outside to wait.

Every minute that passed felt like an age. How long would you have been waiting in that closet if he hadn’t gone back in to look for you? How would you have felt when you came to and realized that Tony had forgotten you in there?

His newly acquired knowledge, the fact that Tony is still pleading with Pepper to take him back, makes the entire night so much worse. You don’t know what’s happening. To you, this isn’t as bad as it really is.

He hears him before he sees him. Fast, agitated footsteps on the cold dark concrete of the hallway, approaching from the stairs.

Steve doesn’t let himself look up. He keeps his eyes trained on the spot before him, right where the wall meets the floor. He chews on his tongue, urging himself into a calm.

The feet stop, and the musk of Tony’s cologne wafts towards him, churning his stomach.

Tony has always been a friend. A comrade. Someone that Steve can rely on. Although they may not have hit it off right away, over time, they grew close.

Now, Steve is fighting every fiber of his being to keep from breaking Tony’s nose.

“What are you doing here?” Tony asks, the jealous spike in his voice too much for Steve.

He scoffs, standing up straight but tightening the cross of his arms over his chest.

“I don’t think she was ever going to let you go without giving it a real good try first. It’s who she is. She wants something, she’ll get it. And she may be naïve but she’s not stupid, Tony.

“I don’t know what game you’re playing with her or if it’s some type of deal that you two have struck like she and I had but I do know that she loves you.”

“What’s your point, Rogers?” Tony asks, chest puffing out in his irritation.

Steve walks close, stopping when he’s standing right beside Tony to look down at his offended expression.

“My point is you should really be careful where you and Pepper have your lovers’ spats. If Y/N hadn’t been passed out drunk when I carried her out, she would have heard enough to know that you want Pepper back.” Steve lets that sink in, waiting for Tony to speak but he only looks away, towards your door.

“I wish I could ask you not to break her heart, but I think that’s inevitable now. If you’re not going to choose her…end it now. Before she can plan a future that she’ll never have. It’ll only hurt more when you rip it away from her.”

The second time Steve sees you and Tony not holed up in his den, is at a team dinner. Nothing special happens. No big reveals and no upsets. The only upset lies with Steve because he has to watch Tony push you away.

“Where’s Betsy, Steve?” Sam asks, smiling from ear to ear as he settles his elbows onto the table.

“We’re taking a break. She’s working on a big project for Fury and she doesn’t think she can give me the time I deserve.” He says, easy.

It isn’t a lie. Betsy is indeed busy with a plan for Fury, but the break is more from her loss of interest. Steve doesn’t blame her. Since the night of the gala, he’s been distracted. Less attentive.

He’s been watching Tony like a hawk and he’s seen him more than a handful of times in the weeks since the gala meet up with Pepper. Whether it’s to talk about business or their person lives, he doesn’t know.

What he does know is that you’re still very much a secret and Steve is starting to realize that it’s more for Pepper’s benefit than yours.

“How’s Pepper, Tony? Haven’t seen her around lately.” Steve asks, throwing the name out deliberately to get a reaction.

He hates that the name makes your eyes flood with confusion. You look up at him, full of wonder and anger because of course you’re going to hate him for bringing up Tony’s ex, but he has to make you see or make Tony confess.

Tony’s face is stoic, though his eyes betray a shift of anger. “She’s fine. We met up for breakfast two days ago.”

“You did?” You blurt out, suddenly nervous, eyes trained on Tony.

“Yeah.” Tony tells you, but he doesn’t look at you.

“That’s so great, Tony.” Wanda offers. “Any progress? We’re all rooting for you two.”

Steve watches you, frowning as your eyes pool as you stare at center of the table, hands tightly fisting the soft fabric of your skirt. No one else has noticed but the dishes on the table have begun to hover. No more than a few centimeters but enough that if one is paying attention, they’d see it.

“No. Nothing like that. It was for the company. She had some questions about some old projects I had started when I was still CEO.” He tells her, and though everyone else forgets the topic, you clearly don’t.

“Oh, I’ve got an update for you on Abu Bakaar, Tony.” Nat says, sliding out of her seat to grab the clicker for the large display at the end of the table.

Vision slides over and Steve can’t tear his eyes off of you as you sit there, rigid, to Tony’s left.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. the lights?” Nat asks, and the lights dim.

While Nat brings the monitor down and everyone at the table shifts to look over at what she’s doing, Tony finally looks at you and reaches out for your hand but you yank it away, sliding away from him hard, twisting your body around to look up at the monitor.

Steve can see that you want to cry and the tick in his jaw snaps audibly as he shifts his eyes to Tony and finds him watching him right back.

“We picked up his trail in Malaysia.” Nat clicks her remote and pulls up several photos of the weathered man outside a high scale bar. “Not really doing much. Trying to lay low probably but he’s out of practice.”

She clicks her remote and a new set of pictures crop up.

“He moved north into Cambodia, then Thailand, Laos, Myanmar, into China,” With each new place, new pictures are pulled up of him in cars, buses, sitting by bodies of water and large ornate buildings. “And our last scout puts him in Nepal. He’s hiding out in some village on the Himalayas. Beautiful but not luxurious. He’s taking the hiding more seriously now. I was thinking we could go in, all of us.”

Steve is focused on the mission, listening carefully to the description of Bakaar’s route for a pattern as to why he’d go so far north then divert back to the south west.

“Y/N…” With your name called, Steve’s attention is brought back to you and he finds you sitting up straight, staring at the screen with a frown. You turn to Nat. “…I know you faced this guy before but if he saw you, do you think he’d recognize you?”

Steve already doesn’t like where this is going.

“No. Not if I wear the right clothes.”

“What are you thinking?” Tony asks Nat, wary eyes flashed your way at the foolhardy spark in your own.

“He knows us, Tony. All of us. The whole world does. I can blend in and Steve is good at being quick but if we want to get this guy, we’re going to have to get close.” She looks at you and smiles. “Can you do it? He won’t know we have you. What you can do? It’s perfect.”

Steve hates the smile on Nat’s face. The want to throw you into the thick of what might very well be an ambush?

“No.” He says, stern, decided.

“What?” Nat asks, turning to him.

“Yes. I’ll do it.” You tell Nat.

“No.” Steve says, turning to face you.

He can see the defiant upturn in your face, the clear anger in your eyes. You’re jumping at the chance of danger after all that Pepper talk from before.

“It’s too dangerous.” He tells you.

“I don’t care. I’ll be good in there. I can do it.” You glare at him.

“I said no, Y/N. You’re not thinking straight.” He accuses.

You shoot to your feet, the dishes that had still been hovering falling at the same time as your focus is diverted.

“I don’t care what you say, I’m doing it whether you want me to or not.”

“It’s a trap.” Steve explains, getting louder. His chest aches with fear at the thought of you sliding into the village, getting yourself close enough for them to trap or worse, kill. “Those pictures, the path they’re taking, Bakaar wants to be found. You’re not going.”

“You can’t tell me what to do!” You shout at him, hands fisted, lip shaking with rage.

“The hell I can’t! I’m Captain of this damn team and you will do what I say. We are not using you like some tool to sneak in. You’re not some hidden weapon for us to thrust out when we want to use you and put you away when we don’t.” Steve’s aware of the argument he’s making.

He knows that to you and to Tony, this will all mean so much more than just the mission, but he can’t help it. The thought of you exposed like that terrifies him and he is not going to let you do it.

You scoff, tears pooling in your eyes again as his argument hits the sore spot he was aiming for. When you speak, the hurt he just caused you cuts him as your voice drops back down to a low and calm cadence.

“You of all people should know Steve that I’m everyone’s dirty little secret.” You turn to Nat as Steve swallows hard and he watches as you make up your mind. “I’ll do it.”

Nat seems to understand that something more is going on here, and though she might not know exactly what, she knows that it’s serious.

As you move around Tony, yanking your hand away from him as he tries to catch you on your way around him, Nat finds Steve’s eyes and silently asks him what the hell she’s missing.

“How long have you been meeting with her, Tony?” You’re almost afraid to hear the answer.

Your gut screams at you, has been screaming at you, that things are not as perfect as you wish they were.

You’ve known for a while that Tony has been keeping you hidden, refusing to let anyone see that you’re his and that he’s yours…thought, maybe that’s because he never was?

“Since the beginning.” He says.

You stop your pacing and look over at him, sitting on the top step of the stairs that lead down into his lab. Wringing his hands, muscular arms straining with the tension of what this conversation means for both of you.

“Since the beginning.” You repeat and resume your pacing. “How long were you going to string me along?”

“That’s not what I was-”

“Oh, cut the bullshit, Tony!” You scream, broken by his denial because it’s so far from the truth. How dare he even attempt to deny it. “You’ve been meeting with her since the beginning and what? You were going to introduce us and hope for the best? Maybe get a little ménage à trois?”

“No!” He insists, getting a little loud too. “Would you just-”

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down!” You don’t mean to do it, but your temper gets the better of you and the cup of coffee you’d been drinking in the morning, happily sipping as Tony kissed your head, flies towards him.

You reach your hand out, stopping it before it hits him, and it falls to the ground and shatters.

“Fuck.” You sigh, moving to sit in his rolling chair to try and calm yourself.

You look at him and he’s staring at the floor, face screwed up with guilt and hurt.

You sob, allowing your emotions to bubble but focus on the ones that aren’t violent. It’s so difficult for you to control your ability. Even after so many years. You know you’ve neglected it, pushed it down because it’s what took your whole world and turned it into a nightmare.

You’ve never gained anything good from your power and you wish you could just shove it deep into a box and bury it with your parents.

“I can’t find any good reason for you to have done this to us, Tony. Why? Why would you make me feel this way if you wanted her back?”

“I wanted you.” He says, “I’ve wanted you for so long. I-I do love you, Y/N.”

“But not enough?”

“It’s not that.” He says.

You get up and move to him, dropping down to your knees before him, resting your hands on his. “Then choose me.”

For a fleeting moment, your mind is plagued by Steve’s own voice, begging you for the exact same thing you’re begging of Tony and you feel the weight of his grief double your own.

Did Steve love you then? Really love you?

“I can’t.” Tony sighs, reaching up to cup the sides of your face. “You and me won’t work, kid.”

You cry, face crumbling at his touch. It puckers and floods. You look down at his lap, hating the truth of his words. You already knew that he wasn’t going to choose you.

“But why?” You ask him, reaching up to cling to his hands.

“I’m not…I can barely take care of myself.” He confesses. “You and me, we’re both broken, and I can’t be there for you the way you need me. I wish I could give you what you want. What you deserve but I-”

You pull his hands away from your face, sobbing loudly, hating him for this but also wishing he’d crush you to his chest.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, reaching for you and pulling you close so that he can kiss the side of your head. “I’m sorry.”

“I hate you.” You gasp at him, pulling away from him to walk around him and move up the stairs. “I hate you.”

But you don’t. And that’s what kills you.

You pass Wanda and Vision on your way up the stairs to the common room and they stop at the sight of you falling to pieces. A mess of tears and snot.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” Vision asks.

“Of course, she’s not.” Wanda chastises him.

“I’m sorry. I only meant it as an offer of assistance.” Vision explains.

You leave them behind, as you reach the common room landing. The meeting very much over but workaholics Nat and Steve still huddled in front of the display looking at the same photos over and over again to see if maybe this mission might really be a trap.

Steve looks up first and when he spots you, he straightens up, moving around the table and down the steps to stand a few feet from you as you continue to break.

Nat gasps quietly, suddenly worried about the state that you’re in and that argument from the meeting clearly playing itself over again in her head.

“Y/N?” She probes carefully, moving down the steps but stopping there because your eyes are on Steve and Steve’s eyes are on you.

He watches you, staring with a regretful but smug fix of his brow. Dark, storm blue eyes knowing.

“How long have you known?” You ask him, somehow finding the strength to speak.

“Since the gala.” He admits and you nod, understanding now that Tony had really forgotten you in that supply closet.

You’d thought it was a dream. A hazy nightmare where the man who claimed to love you avoided you the entire night, then dragged you into a closet to fuck you and then forgot about you.

As you meet Steve’s eyes, you succumb to the truth that this is not a nightmare. It’s only your life.

A life where you give up the love you deserve for the love you desire and have now lost them both.

“Steve…” You plead, moving closer to him by a single step. Does he know how sorry you are?

Steve takes a breath. His wide shoulders rise and fall with the weight of his sigh, expelling his own heartbreak as he opens his mouth to speak.

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