Ah my darling, my double, my adored love, I may be changeable, foggy, capricious, tormented and stormy like the ocean, but you, my lightning, you are exhausting, as well as the Mediterranean.
Maria Casarès to Albert Camus, Correspondance, February 9, 1950 [#180]
Miguel Hernández, tr. by John A. Crow, from An Anthology of Spanish Poetry: From the Beginnings to the Present Day, Including Both Spain and Spanish America; "Death, All Riddled with Holes"
[Text ID: "A love for everything torments me now / As it does you, and towards it all / My heart spills out dressed in its burial clothes."]
1 John 4:18 (KJV) -
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
I will probably share more moments from this episode as I practice gif-ing, because I really enjoy Won't Get Fooled Again. Not because it's bizarre and occasionally hilarious, but because I think this was actually the most brutally John was ever tortured.
This little bit is just the start of the torment.
I am abnormally fascinated with Ben Browder's mouth. I think it's very sensual, very expressive. He's not afraid to use his whole face when he acts, not worried about looking awkward or unhandsome. The way he opens his mouth, half a pant, half a silent moan, is more effective than a scream for conveying the depth of the pain John is experiencing.
And the tilt of his head! He wants to pull away, he needs to, but John can't because he also longs for his mother's touch. So he tips his head away to pretend to himself that he doesn't want this, badly.
And then at the end, pressing his lips together (John always presses his lips together when he's really upset, the more upset the smaller his mouth) but then immediately licking them, nervous. He doesn't know what to do, never expected things to get this dark and delve so deeply into his memory. He wasn't prepared to see his mom and he's realizing that he might not be able to keep his cool, that they've found a weak spot. He can't resist her, it's Mom.
It's so raw. Just a few seconds but his face tells a story we've never heard about what his mom meant to him.