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starseneyes · 3 months ago

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Part II - Destiel Meta - Dean Winchester / Castiel - Supernatural

You came back!? I am so glad I didn’t scare you off, because Part I was long.

I mean, not as long as the Garashir Meta, but still hella long.

If you’re ready for Part II, I’m so excited to share it with ya!!

WARNING: I’m one fan and these are just my thoughts and opinions. We all have our own! I don’t think mine are any more valid than anyone else’s. They’re just mine.

SPOILERS: Everything is fair game. You are forewarned!

Are we ready? Yeah, I think we’re ready. Let’s dive in to Seasons 6-8!

S6E03 -

“Come on, Cas. Don’t be a dick. Got ourselves a plague-like situation down here. Do you copy?” “Like I said, son of a bitch doesn’t answer… he’s right behind me, isn’t he?” “Hello.” “Hello?” “Yes.” “I spent all that time trying to get through to you. Dean calls once and it’s ’hello’.” “Yes., So, what, you like him better or something?” “Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn’t going to mention it.”

This whole thing is insane. Now, Cas will shortly correct them that he didn’t come down just because Dean asked—the timing had to do with the Staff of Moses.

But, the rest is true. Yes, Dean has a bond with Cas. And it goes both ways.

Kinda like Dean, am I right?

Okay, sorry. That one was just begging to be written. I’ll get back to the Meta.

“Just because we have some sort of a bond or whatever.”

One thing about Dean is no matter what people say about him and Cas, he never denies it. Have you noticed that? Whether one or the other is a “pet” or someone says Cas is in love with him, or they acknowledge Cas likes him… he never corrects them.

And here he goes so far as to confirm it. He literally says “just because we have some sort of bond”, here. He acknowledges that they do have a bond—something that is just between Cas and Dean.

And people had the nerve to tell y’all you were crazy. I am so sorry.

“You think I came because you called? I came because of this.” “Well, it’s nice to know what matters.”

I’m sorry, Dean, are you insulted your bond isn’t enough to drag Cas down from Heaven?! Like, there’s a note of disappointment in that tone. Wow!

“Sam, Dean. My people skills are rusty. Pardon me, but I have spent the last year as a multidimensional wave of celestial intent. But, believe me, you do not want that weapon down here. Help me find it. Or more people will die.” “Alright. Okay.”

I like Cas’ little nod after Dean gets moving. He’s pleased. He’s thankful. He’s relieved. He got through to his human situationship. Win for the bond!

“There’s gotta be another way.” “There is no other way.” “You’re gonna torture a kid.” “I can’t care about that, Dean. I don’t have the luxury.”

And everything in my head is screaming “I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you”.

We aren’t there, yet, obviously. But the groundwork is laid for just how far Castiel will grow because of Dean.

I don’t know who’s on first, what’s on second.” “What is second?” “Don’t start that.”

Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, right? These two don’t even speak the same language, yet, and somehow they’re already arguing like a married couple with poor Sammy in the middle.

“Why didn’t you tell us this? “I was ashamed. I expected more from my brothers. I’m sorry. Now, I need your blood.” “Woah, hey!”

I love how Dean protests, but still lets Cas have his blood. He still trusts Cas, even if he would have appreciated a heads-up first.

“I know. I’ve been hearing all about you, and as far as I’m concerned, you and me, Cas, nothing’s changed. We’re brothers. … You did more than rebel. You tore up the whole script and burned the pages for all of us.”

Brothers are complicated. I have two. They sometimes fought and sometimes conspired to hide rear end collisions from our parents (one hit the other from behind at a stop light… it was fine).

I’m the eldest in my family, with a half brother I was raised with, and a step-brother and step-sister who joined our family when I was 16. But my brothers are both my brothers.

And there are all sorts of brothers out there. The Winchesters are one kind. The Angels are another. And I’d pick the Winchesters any day if I had to pick the best brothers on this show, complicated and fucked up as they may be.

“Why won’t any of you listen?” “They don’t listen Castiel because their hearts are mine.”

And here we see that concept of Angel loyalty versus romantic love. But, Cas’ “loyalties” and “sympathies” are shifting deeper—and everyone can see it.

"Castiel, I stood for you in heaven. Are you going to let-“ “I believe the hairless ape has the floor.”

Cas looks meaningfully to Dean, to see him looking back. When Dean shifts to Balthazar, the Angel in the fire makes a quick assessment and chuckles to himself. Damnit, he clocked them. He cloked them fast.

And he realizes that it’s not gonna end well for him, because even if he and Castiel are brothers, Cas and Dean are something more. Yeah, he’s fucked. So, he does as the hairless ape says.

S6E06 -

“Did you call Cas?” “Of course I called Cas. He’s not answering. Screw him. I can’t wait anymore.”

We know that Cas is dealing with a literal war up there. He’s a bit pressed for time. And, honestly this is one of those arcs where I get super annoyed with the Winchester boys.

Like, Castiel has an Army to command to keep Armageddon from restarting and y’all have the audacity to criticize his response time!?

Cas is an imperfect character (because perfect characters are boring and don’t make any choices that are interesting to watch), but no wonder he fucking goes to the Dark Side with friends like y’all.

And, yes, Cas screwed the pooch at that Cross Roads. He really really did. But the Winchesters ain’t peaches this year, either, as far as their treatment of their emotional support Angel.

“Castiel. Hello? Possible loose nuke down here, angelic weapon. Kinda your department. You hear that Cas?”

Dean turns around and the camera swoops to show Cas.

“Hello Dean.” “Are you kidding me? I have been on red alert about Sam, and you come for some stupid horn?” “You asked me to be here and I came.” “I’ve been asking you to be here for days, you dick!”

Castiel is surprised by the attitude, but he doesn’t understand just how huge it is for Dean to reach out for help, to pray to Cas, to believe in and trust him.

It’s a big shift in their relationship from Dean’s side because he wants Cas to be on his speed dial.

Yes, we still used Speed Dial back then. We also had a Top 8 on MySpace. It was a simpler time.

“I didn’t come about Sam because I have nothing to offer about Sam.” “Well, that’s great, because for all we know, he’s just gift wrap for Lucifer.” “No he’s… he’s not Lucifer.” “And how do you know that?” “If Lucifer escaped the cage, we’d feel it.”

This whole thing is kinda insane. Cas feels Dean’s anger, he doesn’t just see it.

And since he doesn’t have answers, he picks up the bottle and carries out a bloody act of service to show he cares. He is doing something for Dean because he can’t do what he wishes—give Dean answers about Sam.

My husband will do this, sometimes. If he knows I’m super stressed about work and struggling through the week, he’ll pick me up a latte or offer to drive the kids to an extracurricular. These little acts of service are his ways of helping me when he can’t help with the real issue.

Did I marry Castiel? Maybe… But I am definitely more like Dean, so I guess that makes sense.

“What is wrong with him?” “I don’t know Dean. I’m sorry.” “What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.” “I’m at War.”

It’s already begun… Cas pulling away because he’s doing what he thinks needs to be done. He should have consulted someone, should have talked to his friends.

But we have to remember that Castiel is still an Angel trying to do this without human help.

Doesn’t make it right, let’s be clear. He’s still making the wrong choice. But we understand why he makes this choice just as much as we understand why Dean is lashing out at Cas. He’s lashing out at anyone who he perceives as not taking this Sammy thing as seriously as he is.

Doesn’t make it right. But at least we understand where the character is coming from.

“Well, nice seeing you anyway.” {Dean turns away}. “Dean.” “What?” “About your brother. I, I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but I do want to help. I’ll make inquiries.”

Cas wants to help. He wants to do things for Dean, still. But he’s hiding a big fucking secret, and that type of thing inevitably leads to distance. Just as Dean is reaching out, Cas is pulling back. It’s heartbreaking, truth be told.

S6E07 -

Cas works to diagnose Sam, and once the “no sleeping" thing comes up, alarm bells go off in Castiel’s head. Cas looks to Dean and begins removing his belt. Dean notices, but doesn’t seem as concerned as Sam does. I don’t know why, but that detail always makes me smile.

Dean’s like, “Well, okay, Cas, if you need to remove your belt, why not” whereas Sam is wondering what the hell Cas is going to do with the belt.

“Well, recap it for our wingman.” “You’re scrawnier than I imagined.” “This is a vessel. My true form is roughly the size of your Chrysler building..” “All right, alright, quit bragging.”

I’m sorry, is Dean commenting on the size of… ahem Cas? Because, He’s an Angel.

Like, crazy amount of wings and eyes and not a penis to be found. But, it’s another example of Dean’s joking about sex to cut through the tension in a room.

“I’m in the middle of a civil war.” “Well, you better tear the attic up. Find something to help Sam.” “Of course. Your problems always come first. I’ll be in touch.”

Like, seriously, Dean. What the fuck!? He is literally fighting a War and you’re like, “but my baby brother!”

And, yes, Cas is also doing stupid, horrible things in the name of this war, but Dean shows so little concern for it that why the fuck would Cas trust him with his batshit plan now!?

These boys just cannot communicate.

S6E10 -

“I’m mid-battle, Sam.” “I could give a rat’s ass about your little pissing match with Raphael. … If you don’t help us now, I will hunt you down and kill you.” “Will you, boy? How? … You need help, Sam.” “I need your help.”

This is part of my “you boys are treating your friend like shit and it’s no wonder he made the worst possible choice when you’re treating him like your own personal rent-an-Angel that you never intend to full pay off” rage fest.

“You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes. and you don’t talk about it. Turn it off.” … “This is what you boys do? Sit around and watch pornos with Angels?” “We’re not supposed to talk about it.”

Cas is exploring the idea of sexuality. Yes, one time Dean tried to get him laid. And we know Cas of the Endverse timeline enjoyed his orgies.

But this is the first time our Cas is exploring the idea of sex and sexuality, and he’s absolutely… surprised by it and his own reaction. Now, was he reacting to the scenario of guy on girl action? Or more the idea of sexuality in general? Hard to know.

From what we’ve seen in the show, he’s not against exploring sexuality with women, and I’m writing this whole bloody meta because of course he’d be up for exploring it with Dean.

But sex isn’t what drives Castiel. He feels far more asexually coded to me. But, again, I could be reading too much into it because of my own life experience.

Cas finds love with Dean. And, for him, that doesn’t need sex. But we’re a long way from that point, when he’s still trying to understand humanity and what it is to be human while still being an angel in a human vessel.

Also, Jimmy, I’m so glad you were already in Heaven at this point. If you were fully aware of what the Angel were doing, I can only wonder if you’d think, “I gave up my life for this!? So the angel can get a boner using my dick!?” Jimmy, my man, I am so sorry.

“You know, Cas, you could help:. … “I’m not sure retrieving Sam’s soul is wise.” “Wait, what? Why?” {Dean crosses closer to Cas} “I want him to survive.” “What are you talking about?”

We switch to a wide shot, finally seeing their positioning and… Hold the phone… Cas is sitting on a bed again? Is this just Misha Collins giving the middle finger to whoever didn’t want him sitting on beds!?

I seriously paused and giggled the first time I saw this.

“Sam’s soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year and they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him. Do you understand? If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam’s gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic.” “You mean he dies?” “I mean he doesn’t. Paralysis, insanity, psychic pain so profound that he’s locked inside himself for the rest of his life.” “But you’re saying you don’t know anything for sure. I mean, he could be fine.” “He could be, yes.” “Okay then-“

Cas is trying to protect Dean and Dean is trying to believe in the impossible. Because this is Sam, his baby brother. He’d do anything for Sam.

And Cas is trying to protect Dean from the possible heartbreak of destroying his own brother by trying to fix him.

“But I sincerely doubt it., well if he’s not fine, then you fix him., Dean, I wouldn’t know where to begin.” “Then you figure it out, Cas. Come one. {Dean steps closer} I mean, the guy’s a friggin replicant. He needs his soul.”

Something stops Dean… something he sees in Cas’s face. He backs off the intensity, but doesn’t move out of Cas’ personal space. I mean, for a guy who tried to tell Cas off about it, he invades Cas’ space more than the other way around!

“Look, we get it back, and if there are complications, then we will figure out a way to deal with those, too.” “Of course. {Dean walks away} Or we fail, and Sam suffers horrifically.”

Gosh, this is these two in a nutshell at this point. Dean is all “we’ll figure it out” and Cas is so damn afraid.

“What was that?” “I learned that from the pizza man."

Okay, first off, Misha Collins can kiss. This Ace girl is sitting here going, “Wow, not bad!”

Second, Dean’s reactions during this whole thing are amazing. I just kept rewinding (yes, I still use that term… I’m old) and rewatching Dean processing the whole thing.

Dean starts with, “uh, Cas…” as he points between the door with the hellhounds and the kissing couple. Then, he sort of stops to just observe. Like, “Okay, this is a thing that’s happening now”.

When Cas pulls away and Meg speaks, Cas looks to Dean before he looks back to Meg and responds. And it takes a second for Dean to process that.

Like, he knew Cas was a virgin, but to realize this was his first kiss and he was that good!? Wow, Angel’s knocking it out of the park on the first time up to bat!

“I can’t see jack.”

That’s because he’s not here, yet, Dean. Give it time. You’ll see him soon enough.

“Castiel. Haven’t seen you all season. You the cavalry now?”

Rachel, you wrote this down because you thought it was funny and self-referential, but you missed the bigger picture. See, Crowley’s exaggerating to protect his little business deal. And I totally missed it the first time around.

“Well, she’s smart, I’ll give her that. I was gonna kill her, too. Of course, I’d have given you an hour with her first.” “Why would I want that?”

Oh, my sweet summer child.

“Thanks, Cas. If it hadn’t have been for you -“ “Crowley was right. It’s not going well for me upstairs.” “If there’s anything we can do-”

Ugh. Now you offer to help? After berating him for weeks about being too busy for your bullshit while he’s fighting a literal war!? Too little too late, Dean. Too little too late.

“There isn’t. I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time, I’d rather be here.” “Cas, we know you’ve got a steaming pile on your plate. There’s no need for apologies. We’re your friends.”

I think this is the first time Dean has told Cas they’re friends… that he has shown such gratitude for him… that he offered to help Cas however he needed, if he could.

And, oh, how I wish Dean had said something earlier.

No, I’m not pinning Cas’ shitty decisions on Dean. That’s completely unfair. But I wish Castiel realized just how much he means to Dean before he threw everything away on a deal with a demon.

S6E12 -

“His soul is in place.” “Is he ever gonna wake up?” “I’m not a human doctor, Dean.” “Could you take a guess.” “Okay. Probably not.” “Oh well don’t sugarcoat it.” “I’m sorry, Dean, but I warned you not to put that thing back inside him.” “What was I supposed to do? Let T-1000 walk around and hope he doesn’t open fire?”

Cas approaches Dean, invading his personal space. And I’m reminded of another show where one character invaded the other’s space attempting to assert dominance and instead created heat. These two have it, even when at odds.

“Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should have done it outright.”

Ouch.

“I am so sorry.” Did Bobby-“ “Cas., Cas. Friggin child.” “You should have told me, Dean.” “You weren’t supposed to know.” “What I did? To Bobby? To you? Of course I should know.”

Dean is trying to protect Sam, I get it, but he didn’t tell Cas. So, that’s not about Cas being a child. That’s your being a shit communicator, Dean. Own up to your fuckery, man, and stop deflecting to Cas when shit goes sideways.

Trust me, you’ll have a real reason to be pissed at him soon enough and you should save your rage for then.

S6E15 -

“Maybe here there’s no supernatural, no magic.” “No demons, no hell, no heaven. No God?” “Something like. Even better… no angels”

There’s something interesting to Dean’s reaction there. I mean, yeah, most angels are dicks. But he does have an Angel for a friend.

“Cas, what the hell?” “Wait, you were in on this. Using us as a diversion.” “It was Balthazar’s plan. I would have done the same thing.” “That’s not comforting, Cas.” “When will I be able to make you understand, if I lose against Raphael, we all lose everything.” “Yeah, Cas, we know the stakes. That’s about all you’ve told us.” “I’m sorry about all this. I’ll explain when I can.”

Cas says all of that last bit to Dean. And you can hear the mounting desperation in his voice. He isn’t telling them everything because he’s trying to protect them. He’s trying to keep them out of it—but that is only making it worse.

Castiel, this is only going to end badly. So badly the next season you’re gonna lose your contract and get thrown back into Pilot Season. Er… your vessel will be, anyway.

Gosh, that bit is wild. I mean, to go from a Series Regular to Guest starring for two episodes only to kill your character off in the first five minutes of episode 2 and think, “Welp, that was fun!”

Because, let’s be clear, this type of stuff happens in TV land all the time, and it often has nothing to do with who likes who or anything personal. Writers Rooms sometimes make a choice where a character’s got to go, where it no longer fits the vision.

It happened recently on Sweet Magnolias where the Writers Room realized the inciting incident they needed was to kill off a main character in between seasons and off-camera. The guy was beloved by the team, but it was what the story needed.

If you look at the construction of Season 7, I can see how Castiel just didn’t quite fit where it was headed and what they were doing. So, no, there’s nothing Cas (or Misha Collins, for that matter) could have possibly done in reality to change that. It’s just the business.

But I can be catty with Cas for a bit for his utter ridiculousness this season.

S6E17 -

“Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you.”

Of course Balthazar’s going to be the first one to use “love” instead of “like”. He has no qualms about decorum and he’s going to call it like he sees it.

And Dean. Doesn’t. Correct. Him. He barely reacts to this news, because somewhere deep down I think he already knows.

I mean, if the smashing him up against the wall last season while shouting about everything he did for Dean wasn’t enough to clue Dean in on something, then he’s denser than I thought.

Dean has more layers than he lets on, maybe more than he realizes.

“You need new friends, Cas.” “I’m trying to save the ones I have, Dean.”

There’s something so soft in Dean’s response to this. Is this the first time Cas referred to them as friends in front of them? I can’t remember another time, but it strikes Dean especially.

“If you don’t go back and sink that boat, I’m gonna kill your two favorite pets.”

In one episode two celestial beings have called out Cas’ attachment to the Winchesters… oops. Word’s spreading!.

“I won’t let you.” “Oh yeah, what are you gonna do?” “Do you really wanna test me?” “Okay, fine. … Kill me, and Sam and Dean are target one. For simple vengeance. You’re not fighting a war or something, right? You can watch them every millisecond of every day. Because maybe you’ve heard, fate strikes when you least expect it. … Set things right before I flick your precious boys off a cliff just on principle.”

The truth is that Cas’ attention has been divided for far too long, and he knows Fate is right. He can’t be in all places at all times.

“Well, I insisted he go back in time and correct what he had done.” “What? Why?” “It was the only way to be sure you were safe.” “So, you killed 50,000 people for us.” “No, they were never born. That’s far different from being killed, wouldn’t you say?”

This sounds a helluva lot like Dean talking to his mom about him and Sam not being born, and how that might fix things.

“You’re the ones who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You don’t have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom.”

Oh, honey, it will be so, so long before you are totally free… before you feel ready to uncage yourself… so, this hurts a bit to hear knowing how far you have to go.

Also, he’s trying to talk to them, to reach them, to gain their absolution for what he’s about to do without having the guts to tell them.

He’s so damn afraid this season, and he lets that fear rule him and drive him to his worst self.

“I still believe that that’s something work fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that.”

He wants to tell them the truth so bad. If you go back and watch this after watching through, it’s so clear how much he wants them to know, to understand, to support his unreasonable and irresponsible plan.

“Titanic didn’t suck that bad. Winslet’s rack? {Cas leaves} I’ll tell you one thing about Cas, he does not appreciate the finer things.”

Oh, he does… but he defines it a little differently, love. Don’t worry. You’ll get there.

And I know this isn’t the point, but knowing how awfully Winslet was treated about her beautiful body during this film it made me shudder a little, that line above.

Perhaps it’s being a woman and knowing the impossible beauty standards to which we are held, and the process of reducing us to pieces of ourselves instead of whole humans for the sake of the patriarchy that makes that line hurt.

It’s not the point, I know, but I feel like I’d be remiss if I didn’t address it. Whoever you are, whatever gender or not, I hope you know you are beautiful just the way you are, and you don’t have to live up to anyone’s beauty standards.

S6E18 -

“Castiel {Dean actually stands and bows his head, this time}, the, uh, fate of the world is in the balance. So, come on down here. {Dean peeks for Cas} Come on, Cas. I dream of Jeanie your ass down here, pronto. Please.”

Castiel sends Rachel. And why the hell does the one person to have my name on this show have to be a total bitch?

Now, she isn’t wrong in what she says to Dean and Sam. Sam says they are Castiel’s friends, and yet their prioritize their shit over his every time without consideration for the utter hell he’s enduring. But, yeah, she’s also kind of a bitch.

“I’m sure your issue is very important, but Castiel is currently commanding an army, so-" … “I don’t know who you think you are. “I’m his friend.” “And you think we aren’t?” I think you call him when you need something. We’re fighting a war.” “We get that.” “Clearly you don’t or you wouldn’t call him every time you stub your toe you petty, entitled, little piece of-“

Cas’ divided loyalties are starting to be an issue. Combine that with him making a deal with a demon, and he’s gone a bit off the rails by Angel standards. He asks the boys what they need, and he’s willing to help, always willing to help.

And while we know part of it is his “profound bond” with Dean and attachment to the Winchesters, I think there’s also a touch of guilt.

We later see that he is so conflicted about this plan of his, so much so that he cries out to God for guidance.

But can he atone enough to balance his guilt? Can he do enough for Dean and Sam to prove to him that he’s still the same Angel? Can he prove he’s still their friend while betraying them? Lying to them? Going behind their back to work with the enemy?

S6E19 -

“Why’s it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude’s busy. Cas, get out of my ass!” “I was never in your-“

Who do I blame for my therapy bills this time!? Clearly, the scene was written in a suggestive manner, but the way it’s played makes it even more unbelievable.

Somewhere mid-sentence Cas—who is stating plain fact—start to register what he’s saying and wonder exactly what the denotation is, here.

And as he puts those pieces together, Dean wonders where the Angel’s mind is going exactly because he knows Cas is now aware of porn and sex.

And then Dean’s eyes widen just a touch before Cas looks away, drops it entirely, and changes the subject.

Was this on the page!? Was this all the actors? Did the director give them any suggestions?! Because, just reading the words is crazy enough, but the way they played it is everything.

“That’s great, because without your power, you’re basically a baby in a trench coat.”

And we’re back to Dean infantilizing Cas and touching on one of Cas’ deepest insecurities—that if he’s useless to Dean, he’s worthless to Dean.

“We need your help here.” “Hold your water. We’ll be back in a few.” “Dean, Dean.”

There’s something so insistent about how this second “Dean” is delivered… like Cas is appealing to Dean in a way we haven’t heard before. That second Dean is pleading. He can’t believe that Dean is going to walk away from this, that he isn’t listening to Cas.

And neither knows it, but this is just chip, chip, chipping away at Cas’ trust in Dean. It’s chipping away at his belief that Dean might know better than he in some situations cough Godstiel cough because Dean is the one not listening with this one.

These two are so stubborn. So similar! (Yes, it’s a Pride & Prejudice reference. And now I’ve distracted myself trying to determine who is Mr. Darcy and who is Lizzie… think I’m settling on Cas as Darcy and Dean as Elizabeth, but feel freee to argue it out in the comments).

“Millions of lives are at stake here, not just two.”

Dean heads out and the Family Theme plays as Dean and Cas watch each other, both frustrated.

Is this the first time the Family Theme has played between them? I know it’s certainly not the last, but I find the placement here fascinating.

They’re going in opposite directions. They’re seeing different things. And yet they’re still family. What an interesting time to remind us of that… right before it all unravels.

“Work for me. It’s a good deal. Bonus, I won’t kill your friends.”

Friends making an appearance from another being, here. No secrets, Castiel. Your attachment to the Winchesters and theirs to you is well-known by now.

“It’s not like Cas to make mistakes like that. Unless.” “Unless?” “Unless he meant to.” “Bobby, this is Cas we’re talking about. Do you believe this?”

In a few seasons, when Dean wants to stab Cas in the neck, it’ll be Sam saying, “Because it’s Cas”.

But right now, Dean Winchester, who has so very few people to trust, trusts Castiel to an extreme level. Maybe that’s why the Family Theme made an appearance—because Dean’s already there with Cas.

And Cas doesn’t even realize it. He doesn’t even know what he’s squandering. He doesn’t know the full depths of his fuck up until it is way too late.

S6E20 -

“Hello, Dean. Are you alright?” “Yeah, I’m fine. How about you?” … “I just don’t understand how Crowley could’ve tricked me.” “Well, he’s a tricky son of a bitch, that’s how.”

Dean wants to believe in Cas so badly… he wants to have faith in him so badly.

At his core, he knows something is wrong, something is off. But it’s Cas who has literally died twice for him, for Dean. That means something to him.

“I’d come if I could.” “Yeah, no, I get it. No worries. But, Cas, you’ll call, right? If you get into real trouble?”

Dean is hoping… hoping that Cas knows he can count on them. But Rachel wasn’t wrong… they just call him when they need something in Season 6. They have in no way shown him that they are there for him, too… not really.

There will be conversations down the line where Dean just checks in with Cas because he can see the Angel needs to talk. There will be points where they confide in one another, where they trust one another to the point that their honesty burns. But we’re not there, yet.

We’re not even to the middle of this story.

I remember when Christian Kane was working on The Librarians and commented about his character, Jake, not knowing how to fight when Kane was well-practiced in it.

His last long-running character, Eliot on Leverage fought from the beginning. But with Jake, they needed to start him off with no training so his character had somewhere to go, something to learn, a direction to grow.

Cas and Dean can’t get it right every time. They can’t always know what to say. They can’t always know what to do. That’s unrealistic, and while I know that’s a silly thing to say about a show based on monsters, demons, and ghosts—we don’t watch the show for the ghoulies. We watch for the characters.

We care about Dean and Sam and Castiel. We watch because we want to see their journeys and we are invested in their stories.

Static characters are rarely interesting. Rounded characters make mistake, make wrong choices, make messes that are impossible to remedy. And as long as they grow through it, we can stick with them. Because it’s about the relationships we, the audience, forge with these fictional characters.

And, yes, this sounds mental, but fandom is an essential part of the fate of a long-running series like this one. That’s why there are still conventions, why Collins and Ackles and Padalecki are still making appearances all these years later on behalf of the characters they were graced with playing.

We connect with these characters and we care about them. And if they were not relatable, it wouldn’t work. It just wouldn’t work. The whole show would fall apart.

So, these characters make bad calls, and wrong choices, and shit decisions. And that’s all part of the ride.

So, yes, while I wanna shake Cas a little to get him out of this ideology to which he’s clinging, I also want to remind Dean that relationships go both way, and he’s not been the greatest friend, either.

But, Cas, seriously, what the fuck!?

“The point is, you’re distracted, and that makes me nervous.” “I am holding up my end.” “Ah, yes. But is that all you’re holding, huh? See? The stench of that Impala’s all over your overcoat, Angel. I thought we’d agreed, no more nights out with the boys.”

I’m sorry. Did you just make the allusion to Cas giving Dean a handjob in the car?! Like, Balthazar is talking about Cas being in love with Dean and now Crowley’s insinuating things of a sexual nature. Yeah, Cas, your secret is out honey, even if you aren’t.

“I have it on good authority that your two little pets are currently trying to hunt me down. Forgive me, but I think you might have a little conflict of interest here.”

Crowley is keeping it broad to both Winchesters. So, he has more of Fate’s view, and not so much Balthazaar, who has seen them all up close and personal, I guess.

“Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian. After all, they taught me how to stand up, what to stand for, and what generally happens to you when you do.”

So he is at least somewhat aware of how he prioritizes the boys.

“You know, he’s our friend. And we are lying to him through our teeth. … You think that Cas is in with Crowley? Crowley?”

Dean is fucked up over this. Rightfully. Because he doesn’t hold onto many people, and while he hasn’t verbalized it, yet, Cas has a special place in his life.

“Look, Dean, he’s our friend, too, okay. And I’d die for him, I would, but, look, I’m praying we’re wrong here.”

Oooh, this says so much that Sam has to clarify that. Like, he realizes how highly Dean regards Cas, how much he trusts him, how much this is crushing him.

“And the worst part was Dean trying so hard to be loyal with every instinct telling him otherwise.”

Cas can literally see inside Dean. He can see the conflict, and as Dean walks by, Cas moves with him, as if tied to him by an invisible string.

“This is Cas, guys. I mean, when there was no one, and we were stuck, and I mean really stuck, he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many friggin times. This is Cas. Don’t we owe him the benefit of the doubt, at least?”

This one aches. This one hurts. Because 9 years later, Cas will say this to Dean in a moment of heartache that somehow feels a thousand times worse than this despite the stakes here being so much higher. “You used to give me the benefit of the doubt,” Cas will say.

But look what happened when Dean did it, Cas. Look what pain you wrought. Can you blame him for struggling to find his faith in you, again?

“You thought what?, I know. It’s crazy, right … We never should have doubted you. We just hope you can forgive us.”

Dean feels… relieved. He feels like he put his faith in the right place.

And look at how soft Dean’s eyes are as he asks his friend for forgiveness. It will be a long time before he’s this soft with Cas, again. Especially since a breath later the idiot fucks up with the Superman reference.

“You gotta look at me, man. You gotta level with me and tell me what’s going on. Loo me in the eye and tell me you’re not working with Crowley. {Cas looks away} Son of a bitch.”

This takes me back to the holding room with the burgers and beers. Dean caught on that Cas couldn’t look at him when he knew something was off, so he tells him here that he needs to look at him.

And when he can’t, Dean knows all he needs to know.

“Let me explain.” “You’re in it with him? You and crowley have been going after purgatory together? “You have, huh? This whole time.” “I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you.”

Cas is pleading with them as much as they are pleading with him. He directs most of it to Dean, but Dean is hurting too damn bad. His friend fucking betrayed them. His friend is working with the bad guy. His friend didn’t trust them enough to help.

And Cas sees his friends refusing to trust him with his plan. He sees his friends rejecting him and his plan. He sees his friends refusing to listen just as his brothers in Heaven did.

“I’m still me. I’m still your friend. Sam, I’m the one who raised you from Perdition.” {That gets Dean’s attention} “What? Well, no offense, but you did a pretty piss poor job of it.”

Sastiels rejoice! Look, it’s not my ship, but I can see how they’d be stoked their Winchester was touched by an Angel, too, ya know?

“I had no choice.” “No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one,” “You don’t understand. It’s complicated.” “No, actually, it’s not and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh? Unless you knew that it was wrong. When crap like this comes around, we deal with it like we always have. What we don’t do is we don’t go out and make another deal with the devil.” “Yeah, it sounds so simple when you say it like that.”

And it does. Yes, Cas fucked up, but he’s trying to save everyone. Not just the Winchesters, but the world. He’s trying to save the innocent people they saw on the playground together not so long ago, the children growing up, the adults growing old, and even the birds flitting from tree to tree in search of the perfect nesting nook.

Cas finally meets Dean’s eyes.

“Where were you when I needed to hear it?” “I was there. Where are you?”

This is on Dean and Cas, their mutual heartbreak. They’ve broken each other, here, in a way that perhaps may never have been repaired. Their trust in one another is shaken, and it’s their own damn fault.

Mostly Cas.

Look, he may be my favorite character, but I’m going to call him on his shit. I’m not precious about my kids, either. I love and celebrate them for the unique, incredible, vibrant humans they are. But everyone knows you own up to your mistakes and we don’t lie in this house.

So, Cas, you’re kinda on my shitlist tonight. Sorry, buddy. You can make it up to me by fixing your shit with your boytoy. Capiche?

“You should’ve come to us for help, Cas.” “Maybe. It’s too late now. I can’t turn back now, I can’t.” “It’s not too late. Damn it, Cas, we can fix this.” “Dean, it’s not broken. Run. You have to run, now. Run!”

Despite everything Cas is still trying to protect them, and Dean still trusts that Cas is telling them to run for that very reason.

That’s what is truly batshit about the end of this scene—angry as they are at one another, much as that trust has been shattered, there’s enough left that Dean will run when Cas tells him to, because he knows deep down the Angel only wants to keep him safe.

You can’t baby proof a hurricane. But that’s what Cas tries to do with Dean. The Angel wants to protect him from further harm. It’s not what he needs, though. Dean needs the truth.

It’s another place where I feel a kinship to Dean. If the news sucks, it sucks. But don’t sugarcoat it and don’t lie. I can figure out what to do if it’s all falling to shit and I know it. But if I’m in the dark, then I’m flailing for a recourse with six minutes to Midnight when the spell goes poof.

Dean opens the door for the others to run through, but he stops to look back at Cas. The firelight illuminates both their faces as they contemplate one another. They’re both hurt. They’re both upset. And shit as their communication is right now, that “bond” is still there.

Damnit. It’d be so much easier for both of them if it wasn’t. But it’s there. They can feel it. Damnit.

“Hello, Dean.” “How’d you get in here?, The angel proofing bobby put up on the house, he got a few things wrong.” “Well, it’s too bad we gotta angel proof in the first place, isn’t it?”

Ouch. It’s another time when Dean wakes to Cas there, but this time, they are at odds. They’re upset. Castiel wants so desperately for Dean to understand his motivation for doing the shit thing. And Dean wants Cas to just not do the shit thing.

But Cas believes in it. And an Angel’s belief and devotion can be dangerous. We’ve seen that time and time, again.

Right now, Cas’ loyalties are divided, but the more he feels rejected by Dean, the more he leans into this terrible choice.

Again, it doesn’t make it right. But we understands where it comes from.

“Why are you here?” “I want you to understand.” “Oh, believe me, I get it. Blah blah, Raphael, right?” “I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you.” “Because of me. Yeah. You gotta be kidding me.” “You’re the one that taught me and freedom and free will-“ “You’re a frigging child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want.”

Dean has never been at War the way that Castiel has. There are some horrible, no good decisions that go down in War. Terrible things.

And while Castiel may be new to freedom and free will, infantilizing him isn’t going to help Dean get through to him.

“I know what I’m doing, Dean.” “I’m not gonna logic you, okay? I’m saying don’t just ’cause. I’m asking you not to. That’s it.” “I don’t understand.” “Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family. That you are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something, you gotta trust me, man.”

It’s too late. Damnit, it’s too late. Castiel has locked in and he can’t unlock.

This is important. Because someday Cas will learn how to roll with things, how to adjust when things shift, how to change gears when it matters.

But he’s not there, yet.

“Or what?” “Or I’ll have to do what I have to do to stop you.” “You can’t Dean. You’re just a man. I’m an angel.” “I don’t know, I’ve taken some pretty big fish.”

This hurts so bad. Damnit. They’re friends. They care about each other. They trusted each other. But now? Dean is just another human in the way. And Cas is just another dick Angel fucking with the world.

At least, that’s what they each try to tell themselves.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” “Well, I’m sorry, too, then.”

Damnit, you two. I want to shake you both right about now. You, Cas, more than Dean because what the fuck, bro!? But, I get where it comes from. I do. I see the lines of pain and hurt and control and manipulation and programming and fear that have led you to this terrible, terrible choice.

And, Dean, it’s too little too fucking late. All Season you’ve been criticizing him for not showing up the second you want him, and then you barely acknowledge the war he is fighting. Now, in the eleventh hour it looks like you’re using your bond as a bargaining chip instead of an honest declaration.

We know you mean it—how important Castiel has become to you. But the timing is suspect and Castiel is too far-gone to listen. He’s lost, Dean. Completely lost. As lost as you were last season when you were ready to say “yes” to Michael.

Only Cas doesn’t have a Sam to stop him.

God, you two are so alike, sometimes, you know that? You and your Angel are the two most stubborn beings to walk the earth. Maybe someday you’ll learn to listen to one another.

S6E21 -

"Well, at least you tried." "Yeah, a fat lot of good it did. Why’d he even come, right?” … “Our pal Cas didn’t stop in last night just to mend fences.” “What’d he do?” “Stole something.”

This shouldn’t have made me smile, but it did. Yes, I know something’s wrong with me. Don’t worry, someone’ll figure out what it is soon enough.

But this is going to come back around in another era when Cas is lying to Dean and far more effectively manipulating the man—when he needs to steal something else, the colt. I like consistency in character. It’s the little things in life, ya know?

“I didn’t ask for your help.” “Well, regardless, you’re welcome.” “Why are you here?” "I had no idea Crowley would take Lisa and Ben.” “Yeah, right.” “You don’t believe me.” “I don’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth.”

Cas looks away. He can feel the cord of connection unraveling in the moment. When he looks back, he tries to reach for that connection, to grip the fraying threads in his mind and will them back together.

“I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that, too. Shouldn’t trust run both ways?” “Cas, I just can’t.” Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call, and I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats, I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing-“

It sounds so simple when Cas says it like this. But Dean can see things his angelic buddy just can’t.

“Trust your plan to pop purgatory?” “I’ve earned that, Dean.” “I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben. And I will bring them back. Stand behind me the one time I ask.” “You’re asking me to stand down?” “Dean." "That’s the same damn ransom note that Crowley handed me, you know that, right? Well, no thanks. I’ll find them myself. Now why don’t you go back to Crowley and tell him that I said you can both kiss my ass.”

Cas is too wrapped up in this to see it, to see how bad this is. But, buddy, when the bad guy starts saying the same thing you’re saying, it might be time to own up that you’re the bad guy. Just sayin’.

They both have tears in their eyes. Dean is enraged worrying about Lisa and Ben, because from his viewpoint, it was Cas who put them in harm’s way. And Cas can see that much, even if he’s still blind to the rest.

“What do you want?” “Dean, listen-“ “What do you want me to say? She’ll be dead by midnight.” “I’m sorry-“ “I don’t care. It’s too little too late.” “Okay. Well, regardless, I didn’t come for you.” “Meaning?” {Dean picks up on what Cas is doing} “She’s fine now. She’ll wake soon. Dean, I said I’m sorry and I meant it.” “Thank you.”

Dean can’t look at Cas. He can’t. He’s still too mad. But he understands what Cas just did here was big and it matters even if it’s not enough to undo the bad blood between them.

“I wish this changed anything.” “I know. So do I.”

If they were a man and woman, everyone would talk about how these two were star crossed lovers and such. I am not kidding. Listen to this fucking dialogue! These two are on opposite sides of a war and yet falling in love.

The strange thing is that Cas wants to do what is right. He just can’t see it clearly because he got into bed with the demon instead of the handsome hunter.

I mean, come on, Cas had to kiss Crowley to seal their deal, right? Which means technically his first kiss wasn’t Meg, but it was Crowley. Man kisser Castiel confirmed!

Yes, I’m being ridiculous. But these scenes are tough and I could go with a little ridiculousness right about now, what about you?

“All else aside, I just wanted to fix what I could.” “There’s one more thing you could do for me.”

Dean’s eyes are pleading here. He even said “for me” because he knows this is for him. Cas says he didn’t come here for Dean, but we all know he did.

“You must know, everything I did, I did for you,” comes to mind. Yeah, Castiel is so Mr. Darcy. He’s expressing his love the only way he knows how, right now—helping the ones Dean loves.

And, yes I do think Dean loved Lisa and Ben. A different kind of love than the one he finds with Castiel, but a valid love, no less. And he loved them so much he let them go.

S6E22 -

“You don’t even see it, do you? How totally off the rails you are.” “Enough. I don’t care what you think. I’ve tried to make you understand. You won’t listen. So let me make this simple. Please go home and let me stop Raphael {This is all to Dean} I won’t ask again.” “Well, good, ’cause I think you already know the answer.” “I wish it hadn’t come to this. Well, rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam, but only if you stand down.”

Geez louise, Castiel, what the ever loving fuck!? I love you, man, but this is freakin’ villain-level bitchery.

“This is exactly what Cas wants. For you to fall to pieces. Just try to think of what Sam would want.”

Oh, I hate this arc so much. Yes, Dean’s going to do his own version of this with the Mark of Cain arc in a few seasons (what is it with these boys and doing the absolute most idiotic thing without consulting the others… learn to communicate you fools!). But, right now Castiel is the one in the “Does the worst possible thing” seat.

“First Sam and Dean, and now this? I’m doing my best in impossible circumstances, and my friends, they, abandon me, plot against me. It’s difficult to understand.”

Still the Angel. In a few years, once he is mortal, he will tell Dean that he is only beginning to understand human emotion after years on the planet. Angelic allegiance is so absolute that he mistakes their skepticism in the plan with distrust of him.

“You doubted me. Fought against me. But I was right all along.” “Okay, Cas. You were. We’re sorry. Let’s just defuse you, okay.” “What do you mean?” “You’re full of nuke. It’s not safe. So before the eclipse ends, let’s get them souls back to where they belong.” “No, they belong with me.”

Talk about power going to your head. Damn it, Cas, listen to Dean!

“No, Cas, it, it’s scrambling your brain. … Listen to me. Listen. I know there’s a lot of bad water under the bridge. But we were family once. I’d have died for you. I almost did a few times. so if that means anything to you, please. I've lost Lisa. I've lost ben. And now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you, too.”

Watching Bobby’s reaction here is wild because I don’t think he realized until this moment just how much Cas means to Dean.

I mean, Dean isn’t the chattiest guy about his feelings, right? And, yes, we can gauge that part of this was Dean just trying to save the day, but he’s not lying. He’s not. He saw Cas as family which is the highest point of connection he could assign to another being. And he doesn’t want to lose him.

And yes, Sammy with the knife as a plan B wasn’t a bad idea. But I tend to believe Dean—Cas was family.

“You don’t need this kind of juice anymore, Cas. Get rid of it before it kills us all.” “You’re just saying that because I won, because you’re afraid. You’re not my family, Dean. I have no family. {Sam knives him in the back. He pulls it out}, I’m glad you made it Sam, but the angel blade won't work. Because I’m not an angel anymore. I’m your new God. A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your lord. Or I shall destroy you.”

Now, we all know how this ended—Castiel got booted off the show!

S7E01 -

“The Castiel you knew is gone.” “So what then, kill us?” “What a brave little ant you are.”

Alright, the first time I wrote this autocorrect took over and it read: “Dean is shocked to hear that from his mount”. And while, obviously, I meant “mouth I had to share with y’all because… it ain’t wrong.

Now, the rest of this is just Cas being a douchey, power-driven, hyped up on steroids and cocaine asshole. He calls the Winchesters his “favorite pets” and told Dean “you’ve erased any nostalgia I ever had for you” like a fucking ass.

But, because we only have Collins for about 2.5 minutes before his very special guest run is over, we’re going to blitz through. I mean, Destiel isn’t built on Godstiel, anyway.

“I just wanted to make amends before I die.” "Okay., Is it working?” “Does it make you feel better?” “No. You?” “Not a bit.”

God, these two are ridiculous.

But one thing I note during all this prep is how Bobby treats Cas. Even the little shoulder touch as he says, “Hang in there” is somehow deeper than it was before—because he knows Dean wasn’t lying in that little speech back there at the tail end of Season 6.

Bobby knows Dean Winchester as well as anybody who knows the real Dean. Bobby is one of those people Cas indirectly references is in his declaration of love in the future—“anyone who knows you” knows that Dean does everything because of love.

So, yes, Dean made a speech to try to save the world. But he also loves Cas. And, again, I’m not saying we’re into romantic love, yet.

I tend to be of the opinion that it sneaks up on Dean over time rather than being as instant for Cas, but Bobby knows, now. So, he’s going to treat Cas in a way that honors Dean’s love for him—whatever kind of love it may be.

“He’s gone, Dean.”

Look. At. Dean’s. FACE. Despite everything, this is still a crushing blow. Dean’s hand rests on Cas’ shoulder as he regards him.

“Damn it. Cas, you child. Why didn’t you listen to me?”

Still infantilizing him. Yeah, sure, he fucked up. But he’s not a child, Dean.

Tears fill Dean’s eyes. Because despite everything Cas did, he really wanted to save him. He wanted to save the Angel—because he’s family.

Cas comes back to life, surprising everyone. Dean’s hand lingers on Cas’s arm after they help him up. I seem to remember another time he helps Cas up and his hand lingers.

“I’m astonished. Thank you. Both of you.”

Cas looks at Dean with more adoration than I think he’d ever mustered before, and Dean clocks it. He doesn’t understand it, but you can see he’s not oblivious.

“I’m ashamed. I really overreached.” {he can’t look at anyone, now}” “You think?” {Cas looks right to Dean} “I’ll find some way to redeem myself to you.” “Alright, well, one thing at a time. Come on. Let’s get you out of here. Come on.”

They’re walking out together, Dean and Bobby each taking an arm, but Cas reaches up to grab ahold of Dean’s arm, stopping him. He meets his eyes.

“I mean it, Dean.”

This was going to be it, folks. The last moments of Destiel in the entire series were Castiel assuring Dean that he’d find some way to make it up to him, that he would redeem himself to him.

Because it’s about how Cas fucked up majorly, yes, but if there’s one human in the entire world whose opinion matters to Cas, it’s Dean’s.

And he would never get the chance. Another tragedy courtesy of the Writers Room—Castiel dies without redemption. He dies a black and sludgy mess of horrors without hope or agency.

He takes those steps into the water without control of his actions—but it was his choices that led to this, so his hands are bloodied, his legacy marred, his memory defiled with the death of innocents.

But before that… there’s that glimpse of where the character could have gone in the wake of the madness. And Collins gives us that by putting everything he had into those few bites of dialogue.

Imagine Collins knowing this is his last moment as Castiel talking to Dean… his last moment of Destiel. His last moment to be Cas. That’s why there is everything in that scene. Why he gives all that he has.

And it really feels like this is the moment, to me, that Castiel knows he loves Dean Winchester.

Maybe he doesn’t know to what degree, but he knows. It spills out of him in ways that confuse Dean (because it’s something he would never ever expect). And Misha gave that performance thinking it was all the time he had left as Cas in this show. Damn.

Dean spies Cas’ coat in the water and retrieves it. He folds it over in his hands and holds it tight.

“Okay. So, he’s gone.”

Look at Dean’s face. At how his lip quivers as he tries to hold it together. They just got him back… and he’s gone. Nothing to “fix” this time. It’s over.

“Dumb son of a bitch.”

He places his other hand atop the coat, almost gripping it… it’s all he has left of him. There are no photos of them together, no favorite hangouts (save the brother), and very few memories where they weren’t trying to save something or someone.

All he has is a coat. That’s it. And while Dean isn’t the most sentimental person in the world, he carries it out with him and holds onto it.

Now, it should be noted he doesn’t clean the damn thing as evidence of the blood still on the collar when Cas gets it back, but that actually seems pretty true to character, so it works.

Also, the music cue of “Black Water” had me rolling the first time I heard it. I don’t think that’s what they were going for, but considering the black goo in the water, it made me laugh.

Yes, my mother really hated the 80’s. I was a latchkey kid on a plug-in phone on the wall who watched all the movies the teenagers did. I share more memories with GenXers than Millennials, but whatcha gonna do? Can’t help when I was born!

My Dad gave me my 80’s education in the 90’s, and I’m so glad he did because there are some awesome songs in the 80’s.

“I’m fine, really.” “Course, yeah. Just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brothers in the bell jar and purgatory’s most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but yeah, I get it. You’re fine.”

Dean is trying so hard to be fine, to pretend to be fine. Because his little brother is hurting, and in Dean’s book, that’s where his attention should be, not on his own shit.

But, Bobby knows, now, and he’s trying to be there for a shattered Dean.

Now, Destiel is nowhere near where it will get down the line. But, still, “Best friend ever” is a hard thing to lose.

S7E07 -

We get a brief Cas mention here when Dean says “Of course, since Cas I’m having a hard time trusting anybody” because he did trust Cas. And all of that hurt a lot more than he’s admitted to anyone, yet.

Dean doesn’t let people in easily. It’s just not his thing. But Castiel found his way in despite being an Angel, of all things. Anna was a blip on the Angel radar who ultimately betrayed them, and Dean was able to let that go pretty easily.

But Cas was different. Cas was family. And it all fell apart.

S7E13 -

“Bobby was right. Your head’s not in it. When Cas died you were wobbly, but now-“ “Now, what? Oh, what, you’re dealing with this so perfect? Yeah, newsflash, pal, you’re just as screwed up as I am.”

It’s the first time Sam’s brought up Cas since he died, but I do appreciate the impact. Of course Bobby’s death would rock him harder. That’s completely expected.

But I like the acknowledgement that Cas’ death messed him up so much Sam noticed it despite all the shit he has going on right now.

Sam is not oblivious to the Destiel, here. He just likes not being punched in the face, so he tends not to bring it up.

S7E17 -

“When you put my soul back, Cas warned you about all the crap-“ “Screw Cas!”

Sorry, Dean. That’s your job, not your brother’s. Just sayin’!

Not much later, Dean’s search for anything to help Sam leads him to the doorstep of Emmanuel. Well, he kills off the faker, and then comes face-to-face with… holy shit! That’s Cas!

Dean has fucking seen a ghost… it’s Castiel. And, gosh, I wish I was a part of the fandom at this point because I can only imagine how wild it got. Of course Dean and Cas reunite when the others aren’t with them. Even if our dear Cas is out of his head

“What was that?”

Three words for us to know Cas isn’t fully Cas. Three words. I want to kiss the writers for that.

Look, establishing shit is tedious, sometimes. You have to try to find a way to get the necessary information to the audience without dragging it out, boring them to tears, or making it feel like we forgot what this character talks like.

In Star Trek, the writers always seemed to quickly identify who was good with expeditionary dialogue. This case is a little different, but still the same concept—get the audience caught up to where we are so we can move on with the story. So well done.

“I’m Emmanuel.” “Dean. I’m, Dean.” “Thank you for protecting my wife.” “Your wife. Right.”

Jensen Ross Ackles (yes, I went on Wikipedia to find out his bloody middle name) what the hell were you doing with your lip there? That little lip quiver?

I mean, there was a bit of surprise, yeah, but that lip quiver read as… a little more.

And, an aside on the Wikipedia look—I totally forgot he was on Dark Angel. I was a mega fan of Season One of that show, but didn't watch much of Season 2, when Ackles was on there, but I do vaguely remember him!

“You don’t know about-”

Anything, Dean. He doesn’t know about anything. He doesn’t know what horrors he wrought. He doesn’t know who he is. He doesn’t know who Dean is.

Dean, who has lost Bobby and is struggling not to lose Sam, is standing in front of the guy who he mourned despite him dooming the whole fucking world. He's got Cas right here, but he doesn’t remember anything.

“What’s your issue?” “My brother.”

And the guy who did this to him is standing across from him. You did this to him, you fucker. Maybe you’re the only one who can undo it.

But Emmanuel doesn’t know who he is, doesn’t know what he’s done. And if Dean tells him, he risks losing his one shot to save Sam.

“So, Daphne… is that your, uh, your wife?” "She found me and cared for me. … Oh, it s a strange story. You may not like it.” “Believe me I will. … So who named you Emmanuel?” "bouncybabynames.com"

Okay, somehow this is super Cas coded. I don’t know why, but the first time I heard it, I thought, “Yup, that’s what Cas would do”. And by Dean's head tilt, I think he’s thinking the same thing.

I looked up Emmanuel, and it means “God with us”. I was pretty sure I remembered that from my Sunday School, but confirming it made me giggle. Yes, the Angel who tried to be God named himself “God with us”. Bless.

"Must be weird not knowing who you are.” “Well, it's my life and its a good life.” “What if you were some sort of uh, I don’t know, a bad guy?” “I don’t feel like a bad person.”

Dean’s testing the waters to see how much he should say. How much he can say. His priority right now is Sam—like it almost always is. So, Dean clams up.

“Someone did this to him.” “You’re angry.”

Of all the lines Collins delivers as Emmanuel, this is the one that reminds me he's still Cas. This isn’t Jimmy. This is a version of Cas if he was born human with special powers… but he is still Cas. This is a Cas line.

Also, Cas is still Cas. He can see into Dean. He doesn't know why he can, but he can.

“Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother’s head.” “He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?”

Cas is doing the Cas thing of seeing into things, but somehow Dean's doing a good job of covering up the fact that Cas is Cas. But Castiel’s senses are still alive and firing, even if his memory isn’t.

“Yeah, well, he’s gone.” “Did you kill him? I sense that you kill a lot of people.”

Dean’s firmly in, “I’m gonna get through this to save my brother” mode. Cas was his friend and Cas is gone, as far as he knows.

“Honestly, I don’t know if he is dead. I just know that this whole thing couldn’t be messier. You know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. Whatever it was. It might take some time. I always could. What Cas did, I just can’t. I don’t know why.”

Oh, Dean, honey. You have never had a friend like Cas. You have never trusted someone like Cas. Yes, Bobby, sure. But Bobby took the Dad role.

You tried to put Cas in a “brother” role because that’s all you know and “Panromantic Asexual Life Partner” (at this point) wasn’t in your vocabulary.

You can’t shake it because you still love Cas. Yes, as family at this point, not a lover. He is family. And he’s sitting right next to you.

And his betrayal is so much worse because you made him family.

Nobody made him blood, like your dad. No, you chose Cas. And that’s why it hurts like hell and you can’t stop feeling it.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. Why.” “Of course it matters.” “No, you’re not a machine, Dean. You’re human. Your friend’s name was Cas? That’s an odd name.”

That line, “You’re not a machine, Dean” hits me every time, because it’s the first time Emmanuel has called Dean “Dean” and he does it in a very Cas way.

“Imagine when I track him down and he's snuggled up with you.”

Meg’s smart. She knows that while she and Cas have a spark, Dean’s Cas’s first—and only—love.

“Are you sure we wouldn’t be safer traveling with a full-throttle angel? I could jog his memory. {Off Dean's withering look} Kidding!”

Much fun as it was for Dean to watch Cas and Meg make out the last time, that’s the last thing he wants to see about now.

And before Dean and Meg step aside for this next exchange, I love the staging. Castiel is between his boyfriend and his girlfriend. Aw. They can share him because Cas has two hands!

Anyway…

“I know you're enjoying the double dip with your old pal-” “You think it’s that cut and dry?”

I’m sorry. Did Dean just… did he just. I’m actually speechless.

Because “double dip” here is a very assertive poke where Castiel is the ice cream and Dean’s the one eating. You see where I’m going with this, right!?

See, Cas can’t remember who he is, right? So Dean gets his time in with Cas, and now he gets to double dip and get more with Cas via Emmanual. It can also be taken very sexually.

And Dean didn’t deny it, right? Sure, he doesn’t deny it when people make assertions about him and Cas. He just rolls with it. But he also doesn’t dismiss it in his rapid-fire response to Meg, and I find that fascinating.

NOTE: I always find a word that gets used a lot in a Meta. Sometimes it’s a term of endearment I use for a character. Sometimes it’s a term I use to describe a scene. I think I’ve written “Fascinating” 40 times here.

But, since this isn’t for a grade or publication in a magazine, I’m leaving every. Single. One. Of. Them.

Oh, yeah, I live on the edge! Wild child right here.

ahem

“You know what he did. And you just wanna tell him and hope that he takes it in stride? He could snap. He could disappear. Who knows.” “I gather we know each other.”

It’s the Angelic Swoop! It’s the Angel Camera swoop! Sure, Dean just slid up behind them instead of poofing out of nowhere, but the camera did the swoop!

“You can tell me. I’ll be fine.” “How do you know? You just met yourself. I’ve known you for years.” “You’re an angel.” “I’m sorry. Is that a flirtation?”

God Bless you Cas. You’re still in there. And Dean does the most adorable little double-take there. Like, “that’s what you think flirting is? I’ve been doing this wrong for years!”

Yes, I know. I know. I don’t think Dean’s there, yet. And your mileage may vary, and I know it will! But, I don’t think Dean quite knows, yet.

“No, it’s a species. A very powerful one.” “She’s not lying. That’s why you heal people. you don’t eat. I’m sure there’s more.” “Why wouldn’t you tell me? Being an Angel, it sounds pleasant.” “It’s not. Trust me. It’s bloody. It’s corrupt. It’s not pleasant.” “He would know. You used to fight together. Bestest friends, actually.”

Dean rolls his eyes at that, because there's always the implication of more that he still doesn’t deny.

“We’re friends? Am I Cas? I had no idea. I don’t remember you. I’m sorry.” … “It’s in there. I’m sure it’s just like riding a bike.” “I don’t know how to do that either.”

Dean’s reaction here is classic Dean when it comes to Cas and his inability to understand Pop Culture or very human references and turns of phrase. In a way, it’s comforting.

And despite his lack of memory, Cas is still Cas. He barely knows Dean, right now, but he trusts him. Meg said so herself!

He’s walking into this battlefield armed with knowledge he doesn’t know he has. But he’ll do it for Dean.

Maybe this is the only universe where Dean and Cas find each other, but it’s the one universe where they always find their way back to one another.

Because fuck destiny and fuck fate. Sometimes soulmates aren’t crafted by divine intervention but are found in spite of it.

The first memory we see is the barn… when he first spoke to Dean after rescuing from Hell. Then, it’s saving Dean and rebelling in the Burger Room. Next, dooming Sam, then taking the blood. His “I’m sorry, Dean”. Because while he’s remembering everything, we’re getting the clip show.

And someone in charge knew that Dean is at the center of it all for Cas. And Cas knows, too. He knows. He still wouldn’t call it romantic love, I don’t think, but he knows that Dean means more to him than anyone ever has. And now he remembers just how much he failed him. Not just the world… he failed Dean.

“Cas?” “I remember you.”

I have to pause here to appreciate Collins’ physicality. Just the way he turns around to face Dean is so obviously our Castiel and not Emmanuel or anyone else.

“I remember everything. What I did. What I became. Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because Sam is dying in there.” “Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn’t be here.” “Cas. Cas!”

Castiel cuts between his lovers as he storms off, and Dean makes sure he’s the one to go after their shared situationship while Meg stays behind.

“If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.” “Don’t defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in heaven. On earth? We didn’t part friends Dean.” “So what?” “I deserved to die.”

Dean almost nods at it. I mean, when Cas commits, he commits. When Cas fucks up, he fucks up.

“Now I can’t possibly fix it, so why did I even walk out of that river?” “Maybe to fix it.”

Castiel doesn’t know what he’s waiting for, and the first time I saw this scene I laughed aloud, because I’d heard tale of the legendary coat that had traveled from car to car with Dean. I thought it was the thing of myths and legends.

But there’s the damn coat.

It was all Dean had left of Cas—the best friend he’d ever had. Cas sees the coat, and he can’t take his eyes off of it, even to look at Dean. Because this is a really beautiful nonverbal way for Dean to say what he needs to say without saying it.

Dean doesn’t like getting emotional or giving speeches. He starts to do more later. But, this is Season 7 Dean and he’s not there, yet.

This is Dean’s way of showing Cas that even after everything he did, Cas still matters to Dean. So much of Season 6 felt like the Winchesters using Cas and Castiel lying to them.

This is their restart. This is their new beginning. This is the moment when Dean says, “Yes, I want you to heal my brother. Yes, you’re the one who fucked him up. But I carried this shitty coat around for months because of this ‘profound bond’ of ours. You matter to me as you, not just for what you can do to help me”.

Inside the hospital, Cas wears the coat over his Emmanuel clothes. It feels more costume than clothing with the slicked down hair and suburban housewife attire underneath. He can barely look at Dean as he tells him he can’t fix it.

“But I maybe able to shift it.” “Shift?” “Yeah, it would get Sam back on his feet.”

Dean doesn’t realize what Cas is doing, but Cas is committed. He told Dean before that he was going to find a way to redeem himself to him. We know that he would do anything for Dean.

“It’s better this way. I’ll be fine.” “Wait, Cas, what are you doing?”

But Cas isn’t going to tell him the plan. Because he did this to Sam, and he’s going to fix it.

“Look, man, I get it. She’s not our friend. We don’t even have friends. All our friends are dead.”

Ouch. Real ouch. But Dean saw what the mental breakdown was doing to Sam, and they know that Cas has taken that on. Nobody knows how his Angelic programming will handle it. He’s as good as dead to them. And that aches.

S7E18 -

Including this because Bobby sent Dean to Cas. I think a lot about the Series Finale, and while we have the utter lack of Castiel, we do have an eye waggle and some encouragement from Bobby for Dean to go after his Angel.

Imagine how much Bobby’s been watching them, how much he sees now that he can follow them around.

S7E21 -

“Cas is awake. … Last night about 8.” “And you waited until now to call us?”

I love how annoyed Dean is that Meg waited so long to give him an update on their shared situationship. And I also love that the Winchester boys are already determined to drive to Cas before they put it together that his waking times out with the tablet.

Again, we’re finally seeing that they value Cas for Cas. It’s about damn time.

Now, Dean and Sam know that things are going to be fucked up with Cas. Between what he did, and then what he absorbed from Sam, they’re not sure what to expect.

But there was never a question of whether they’d go—even before they make the tablet connection, they’re driving.

“Hey, Cas?” “Hello, Dean. Sam.”

The iconography here is insane. Cas as Castiel in his right mind wears the trench coat over the suit. From the behind-the-scenes clips poor Collins runs hot and this get-up can’t help much with that.

But, here, Castiel is wearing his trench coat on the outside, but much as it was ill-fitting with his cul-de-sac clothes, it looks almost comical over the blank, white psych patient clothing.

He wants to be closer to his true self—but underneath he’s still not himself. He’s clawing toward it, but the damage he did to Sam was monstrous, and the impact is still devastating, even to his Angelic programming.

“Hey Castiel.” “Look at you walking and talking. That’s, that’s great, right?”

Look at the hope in Dean’s eyes. Yes, they parted on a bad note before the weird adventures of Cas’ memory loss, but even then, Dean’s kinda attached to the guy.

Of course, seconds later they see that Cas isn’t fully there. But, hey, Dean was ready for a lot worse, right? And he came anyway.

As they try to talk to Cas and see what’s left of him, you can see the sadness in Dean’s eyes. Sam is keeping the conversation moving because Dean is lost in thought.

“I love you guys.”

It’s so strange, because Castiel is speaking more forthright than he usually would—about Meg’s beauty, about his love for the Winchesters. He’s uncorked, you might say.

And he isn’t fully himself because what we choose to release and what we choose to keep close is a part of what makes us… us. Castiel hasn’t yet fully found his way back to himself.

Gosh, what a rollercoaster ride this must’ve been for the actor. I mean, a fun one, but if you could how many minutes he’s been fully Castiel in this season, it’s less than 5 minutes of screen time. That’s just wild.

“Alright, I’ll go handle Cas. Sam, will you please pick up the word of God?”

Dean instinctively knows it has to be him. He does! He just doesn’t fully understand why, yet.”

"It’s Sam’s thing, isn’t it? You taking on his, uh, Cage match scars. I’m guessing that’s what broke your bank, right?" "Well, it took everything to get me here." "What are you talking about, man?"

Rachel’s flashing to S15E18, again. The exact same phrase when Castiel spoke in a way Dean couldn’t yet understand.

I mean, yeah, the Angel’s a bit out of his mind, but I love the consistency in things like this, little phrases characters use often enough, but not so repetitively that they become a 90’s catchphrase.

Literally, last night my husband said, “You got it, Dude” and I told him there’s no way I married Michelle Tanner from Full House. We were kids in the 80’s and 90’s. Catchphrases were all the rage.

“Dean, I know you want different answer.” “No I want you to button up your coat and help us take down leviathans. Do you remember what you did?” … “I’m sorry, Dean.” “No. You’re playing sorry.”

Dean is hurting and he’s angry. And while that is perfectly valid, Castiel isn’t running at full speed. He can barely get through a conversation, let alone march into battle.

Later, Meg returns from killing the Demons, and we have Castiel and Dean in the two-shot, Cas over his shoulder like the little broken Angel he is.

“You have fallen in every way imaginable.”

Ouch, Hester. Ouch. I mean, yeah, I can understand why you hate the guy—destroying fucking Heaven and all. But words still hurt.

“He can’t help you. He can’t help anybody.”

Finally, Dean, you got your head out of your ass long enough to understand the situation. Thank you.

“We’re trying to clean up one of your Angel’s messes and you know that.”

Cas is fidgety. He doesn’t like the confrontation. He doesn’t like disappointing Dean.

“He’s right. An angel brought the leviathan back into this world, And, and they begged him, they begged him not to do it.”

Dean hates begging, but it’s true. And Cas is finally saying Dean was right. Too late, of course.

“Why should we give you anything {shot of Dean} after everything you have taken from us?” {Shot of Cas}

Yeah, this was not edited to be subtle at all. We aren’t even looking at Kevin Tran or Sam or any of the other Angels. This is about Castiel. This is about Dean and Castiel.

We are quite literally addressing the Destiel in the room. And it’s by one pissed-off Angel.

“The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost.”

Ho. Ly. Shit. Why on earth did people tell y’all that you were hallucinated Destiel!? It’s like the craziest mass gaslighting ever!

Dean stares defiantly, but there’s hurt there, too. Because this is a confirmation of everything he’s ever believed about himself. He always sees the worst in himself and much as we know Cas’ shit is on him, in this moment Dean almost believes her.

Because he never believed he was worth saving. He believes he’s worth abandoning. He believes he’s poison to those he loves.

“For that you’re going to pay.” {She advances on Dean, but Cas steps up}, “Please. They’re the ones we were put here to protect.” {Cas spins so Hester is facing him, away from Dean}

She starts beating the shit out of him, and the Winchesters are ready to fight before the other Angels stop them. And as soon as Meg spikes the bitch, the other Angels are like, “Meh. Guess we’ll move on, now”.

Like, seriously, nobody liked Hester. They’re all just standing around, not killing the demon who iced their sibling. Buh-bye, bitch!

“It says we need to start with the blood of a fallen Angel.” “Well, you know me. I’m always happy to bleed for the Winchesters.”

He hands the blood to Dean, right past Sam. And you can see that Dean appreciates the actual help from the broken, fallen Angel.

S7E22 -

“I mean, it’s what he’d want us to do. Right?” “Yeah, him, and Frank, and Cas—if his marbles were in the bag.”

Dean’s almost always the one to bring up Cas. The Angel is so important to him, though he’s not going to say it.

S7E23 -

“We can call Castiel, again.” “Dude, on my car, he showed up naked… covered in bees.”

I told my husband about this, and he immediately said, “Trying to woo him!?” But, seriously, this might be the strangest way to tell a flower you want to pollinate him.

“You deal with him, I can’t anymore.” “You might want to be more specific.” “I was laying low halfway across the world when emo boy pops up out of nowhere and zaps me right back here.” “Why?” “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.”

Dean’s face falls and eyes kind of narrow… but he doesn’t bother denying it.

All the times he has denied being gay, but when it comes to Cas, he doesn’t, really. And the jaw clench at the end, there. phew

I’m not saying Dean is in love with Cas at this point, and Cas showed at the beginning of the season with those looks that he must be aware, now, on some level. I mean, half the celestial world knows. Destiel lore is spreading.

Dean approaches Cas outside… sees Cas is still not all there. Dean lifts his head to gather all his will to get through this.

Have you ever steadied yourself to talk to a friend or family member struggling with dementia? It reminds me of that, of trying to remember that who you’re talking to, now, isn’t exactly who you spoke with then. Not really.

They’re still in there, but you don’t know if you’re going to reach them or not. It’s unsettling and it’s super hard.

“I don’t want to fight.” "No, I’m not-” {Dean calms himself} We’re worried.”

This is tough for Dean. Cas is majorly triggered by conflict, and Dean’s first reaction is to get mad. So, this is a big thing for both of them.

"Alright, enough.”

Dean taking a Cas line to defend Cas from Crowley.

“I can’t help. Do you understand? I can’t. I destroyed everything {Cas’ voice breaks} and I will destroy everything again. So can we please leave it at that?”

Castiel truly thinks he can’t do anything right. God, these two are so similar in so many ways—except Cas’s instinct here is to pull back while Dean’s gut is telling him to lean in.

“No. No we can’t. We can’t leave it. You let these friggin things in. So you don’t get to make a sandwich. And you don’t get a damn cat. Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas. Clean up your mess.” … “Nice, you scared off the empire’s only hope.” “Meaning?” “It occur to you that ever one of those things was in Cas? He knows them. He can see past the meat suits.”

Ding, ding, ding! Keeping calm actually benefits the cause, Dean. And, I get it. I have anger issues, and have had to work my whole life to temper my temper. But, you gotta get through to Cas another way.

Cas watches from the stairs as Sam and Dean say goodbye to Bobby, likely invisible to their eyes. He’s still Angelic enough to be removed from those he loves, but it’s the Dean-to-Cas swoop shot that reveals him. It’s their shot.

“Cas, I need a wingman.” “Dean-“ “You don’t want to jump into the jaws of death that’s… fine. How about we run a little errand?”

It’s a good ask. And, honestly, giving these two a moment alone is almost always a good idea.

“Dean-“ “Cas. We’ve been over it. I get it. You can’t help.” “If we attack Dick and fail, then you and Sam die heroically, correct.” “I don’t know, I guess." “And at best I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or I don’t die. I’m brought back again. I see now it’s a punishment resurrection. It’s worse every time.”

This line makes me laugh, because it’s kinda true. Every time Cas comes back, seems thing to suck more than ever, until the Empty sends him back. That one works out better than the rest.

"I’m sorry. Uh, we’re talking about God crap, right?” I’m not good luck, Dean.”

Oh, my poor, sweet Angel. You really think you’re going to make it worse for him, don’t you? Because your last venture out went so terribly, you’re afraid to do it, again. And you don’t want to let Dean down, again.

Think about it. Cas told Dean he’d find a way to redeem himself, but he’s not completely there and he knows it. He knows that something is off about him, and that’s only compounding his insecurities.

“Yeah, but you know what, bottom of the 9th and you’re the only guy left on the bench? Sorry, but I’d rather have you. Cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, alright. We’re all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?”

This line is insane. The first time I heard it I gasped. It’s such a simple line, void of romance or flirtation. It’s simply Dean stating what he sees. But, oh, what does Cas see?

Yes, darling, you’re good luck to him. You changed his entire world and the course of his existence, so, yes, you’ll always be good luck to him.

And Cas’ features go so soft here. Damnit, Collins, you’re at it, again, with the subtleties. And what I adore about this scene is that Dean picks up on it. He notes the shift in Cas immediately.

“What?” “Well, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness.” “Yeah, well, I’m probably gonna die tomorrow, so.” “Well, I’ll go with you. And I’ll do my best.” “Thanks.”

Have you ever had the love of your life say the right thing when you needed it most? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I say some stupid shit sometimes, and so does Matthew.

But there are times when I need that reminder of what I can do, who I am, what I mean to those I love. It doesn’t take much, but that can be enough to push us to overcome our fears.

Dean doesn’t realize that’s what he’s done for Cas—emboldened him enough to risk failing for the hope of succeeding.

“Wake up.”

Cas usually waits for Dean to wake. He can’t this time. They’re in Purgatory, and they need to get moving. With a whoosh Cas is gone and Dean’s left with the monsters.

And I have to call out the insanity that is Collins’ performance this year as Castiel. Yes, he only had a handful of episodes, but in that handful of episodes he had maybe 5 minutes of screen time where Cas was Cas and not something else.

He was Godstiel. He was possessed by Leviathans. He was Emmanuel. Then, he was briefly himself before taking on Sam’s mental anguish. And for the rest of the season, he’s a teetering mess in tatters, not fully himself.

It’s just mind boggling to me from a performance standpoint, and I applaud Collins’ efforts.

S8E01 -

“What about Cas? Was he there?” “Yeah, Cas didn’t make it.”

Widower Arc II, baby! The first one left Dean “shaky” according to Sam, but this ones only gonna get worse.

Every time Dean loses Cas, he realizes how much deeper their bond has grown. Because, yes, while they’ve only been reunited a few episodes by the end of Season 7, and Castiel isn’t fully himself, it’s Cas.

And in the eleventh hour, when they faced down Dick Roman, Cas was the one to help Dean finish him off. He came through. He didn’t fail. Despite his fear, he showed up and got it done.

And then he was gone. Gone.

Think about this from Dean’s perspective—a being he sees as family pulled himself together enough to face certain death for Dean’s sake. Dean knows this.

And he’s going to find that little Angel and protect him, right? He’s going to save him, right? Because Cas came through for Dean and Dean cannot fail him.

But he does. At least, that’s what he believes.

Dean walks away from his brother. Can’t look him in the eye. He thinks he failed Cas.

“What exactly does that mean?” “Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy toward the end and he just… let go.” “So Cas is dead. You saw him die.” “I saw enough.” “So, you’re not sure.” “I said I saw enough, Sam.” {Dean turns back} “Right. Dean, I’m sorry.”

Sam knows that Cas and Dean have some kind of special connection. You can’t tell me otherwise after that! Much as Sam is sad to know that Cas is gone, Dean is the one wrecked by it. It’s plain to see.

“Me, too.

Oh, the self-loathing. Looks like Cas and Dean are playing Hot Potato with this one and it’s Dean’s turn.

“Did you look for me, Sam?”

This is such a core part of Dean… that “not give up” spirit he has. The only time he didn’t look for Sam was when Sam made him promise to go live a life at the end of Season 5.

“Good. That’s good. We always told each other not to look for each other.”

And how much time did he spend in Purgatory looking for the Angel? From the moment they were separated, Dean tried to reunite with him.

“That’s smart. That’s good for you. Of course we always ignored that because of our deep, abiding love for each other, but not this time, right Sammy?”

And I see why he’s hurting. He spent a year looking for Cas in Purgatory only to lose him at the last second, and he gets back to find that his brother didn’t look for him at all.

Yes, they are very different people and I don’t think Dean realizes he’s continuing the same cycle his father began with them—pushing the family to hunt together rather than living normal lives.

It might seem selfish to be human. I think that’s how Dean sees it, sometimes. But it’s also important to be human, and Sam understands that better than his big brother.

“Take a breath. Calm down. Where’s the angel?” You’re him. The human.” “Where’s the angel?”

I’m sorry. You’re telling me that all it took for the demon to know who Dean was was “Where’s the Angel?” Three-ish words and the dude’s a legend for tearing through Purgatory looking for his Angel?

“Alright, what about you?” “What about me?” “Look at you. You’ve still got that look. You’re shaky. You’re on edge.”

And he’s constantly thinking about Purgatory. About his hunt for the angel. Every memory we’ve seen so far, he mentions the Angel.

Also shaky is back. That’s the word Sam used the last time they lost Cas back in Season 7. He said that Dean was shaky. So, at least the human is consistent, though I’m convinced his mourning is deeper this time.

Because he thinks he failed him.

In my mind’s eye, I see Castiel at the beginning of Season 7 telling Dean he’d find a way to redeem himself, and then presumably never getting the chance. Dean wanted to be Castiel’s hero, to bring him home because they are family. And he failed.

He left someone behind. He didn’t want to, but he abandoned Castiel in the land of monsters because he wasn’t enough.

No, it’s not entirely accurate, we’ll come to learn. But that’s what Dean sees. He always sees the worst in himself because that’s easier to believe than the good.

Yeah, this is another one of those places where I relate to Dean more than I should. I’ve always seen the worst in myself and find criticism easier to believe than praise. It’s not a fun way to be.

“First we find the Angel.” “Mm, three’s a crowd, chief.” “Well, hey, either you’re in or you’re out.”

Dean is throwing his words back at Benny, but he’s making the stakes clear—you wanna get out of here, I’ll take you, but not without the Angel.

Also, I know there was a huge contingent of Benny/Dean shippers, and I see the vision! But, Benny-boo, Cas already has that prime real estate in Dean’s heart, so like Meg with Cas, you’re just gonna have to share him.

“Dean. You’re looking. Well, let’s say Purgatory didn’t do you any favors. Where’s your Angel?”

Uhhh. Your Angel!? Season 8 Crowley is full on aware of the Dean/Cas situation. And, yes, I wrote it like we used to write ships back before Soap Operas popularized name combinations.

Heck, for Mulder and Scully, you’d just declare in the AOL Chat Room if you were a Shipper, Fencer, or Noromo. These were simpler times. But I think Crowley, here, is a full-on Heller by now.

Somewhere between the end of Season 6 and the beginning of Season 8, there’s a huge shift in the Destiel relationship and how Dean sees Cas. He stops infantilizing him. He starts caring about him in a new way and really showing it.

They start to have honest conversations and deepen what’s already there. But, we’ll get to all that.

S8E02 -

“You’ll find your angel there.”

While Dean has been saying “the” Angel, I like that people start calling Cas “your Angel or flipping the script from Cas collecting Dean to Dean collecting Cas.

Because, if we’re real, they’re each other’s favorite Pokémon.

“Dean Winchester?” “Do I know you?” “Uh, no, but, uh, I knew Castiel.” “You’re an angel?”

Most Angels who want to “Talk” to Dean are aggressive, angry, and assertive. Samandriel, in this unassuming vessel, is polite. And, like anyone who understands Castiel at all, he knows that Dean will be the one with any answers.

"I wanted to ask you about Castiel. What happened to him?” “Well, uh, me and Cas, we, uh, we iced Dick Roman and got a one-way rocket ride to Purgatory for our trouble.” “But you escaped, Did, did Castiel?”

Dean’s face says it all. And it kinda sucks because Cas didn’t have a lot of friends left in Heaven after the whole Leviathan thing, so it’s sad that Dean had to deliver the bad news.

“You know there are some in heaven who still believe despite his mistakes that Castiel’s heart was always in the right places.” “Are you one of them?” “I think too much heart was always Castiel’s problem.”

This dude looks angry at Dean. Did you notice that? He brushes Dean’s arm as he passes. He doesn’t want to talk to Dean anymore. He got his answer. And now he’s done.

And I imagine that only digs the dagger deeper into Dean. His mind flits back to Castiel, the Angel of Thursday, the one with too much heart, the one he lost.

Cas still wears a hospital band around his wrist as he washes his face and hand in the water in Purgatory. He hears Dean’s voice and looks around. It’s not that he can’t pinpoint the source of the voice, but that he’s looking for Leviathan.

Before facing him, Cas is trying to be sure Dean will be safe during this conversation. It’s such a minute thing, but it’s clear as day that he’s not only fairly sane, but also completely on mission—protect Dean Winchester at all costs.

So it begins.

Castiel stands without moving. If he moves, he might lose his vantage point to see all around them to try to keep Dean safe. But Dean walks toward him like a lost man in the woods following a far-off beacon of light.

Dean laughs as he approaches Cas, pulling him into a hug. His face turns away from Benny as he nearly crumbles. Yes, Cas once hugged Dean and Sam while still struggling with sanity, but this is Dean initiating a hug. He doesn’t do that lightly.

And he and Benny are working together, but they aren’t tight, yet, so he doesn’t want the Vamp to see the ache of hugging Cas, of finding him. His Angel. Finally.

Cas doesn’t hug back. He doesn’t think he deserves this hug. He is still punishing himself for everything he did, for everything he cannot fix.

“Damn it’s good to see you.” {he lets one hand linger on Cas’ shoulder before touching a finger to Cas’ cheek} Nice peach fuzz.” “Thank you.”

It’s such a familiar thing, there. None of the bad blood of Season 7. He’s just so relieved to have his Angel back.

“How did you find me?” “The bloody way.”

Oh, the lengths Dean has gone through for you, Castiel. Last season, you didn’t think you were good luck, but you helped him take down the big bad. And this season, you don’t think you deserve to be saved. But he does.

And nobody’s commanding it, Castiel.

Listen to me, you foolish little Angel. This is an act of love on Dean’s part because you are family. You matter to him not because you’re an Angel or because of your abilities but because of you and who you are.

I know you can’t see it. I know it will be a long time before you even begin to realize you matter to Dean because despite being able to see into him, it’s the one thing you won’t allow yourself to see.

“I ran away.” “You ran away.”

And now Dean’s faith is shattered, again.

"I had to." “That’s your excuse for leaving me with those gorilla wolves?” “Dean-” “You bailed out and, what, went camping? I prayed to you, Cas, every night.”

Oh. My. Gosh. The first time Dean prayed to Cas and he appeared, the angel said it was a sign of faith. So, despite everything that has happened between these two, Dean didn’t lose faith in Cas. He didn’t. He prayed every night.

And Cas can’t meet Dean’s eyes. Because even though he knows why he stayed away, he can feel the disappointment, the betrayal, the pain radiating off of Dean.

Also, the music cue on “every night” is so intentional. They want us to feel the emotion and the agony here.

Remember, every part of a production tells a story. The music’s telling it, too. We just have to be listening.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” “I am an Angel in a land of abomination. There have been things hunting from the moment we arrived.” “Join the Club." “These are not just monsters, Dean, they are Leviathan. I have a price on my head. And I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead of them to-”

Cas stops, looking over to Benny.. he doesn’t want to give this stranger this insider info. But, honey, your human’s already blown your cover.

All of Purgatory know what you are to one another because Dean’s been running around with bullets and blades yelling, “Where’s my honey lemon?!” for the last year.

But he doesn’t know that. All he knows is what truly kept him away.

“-to keep them away from you.”

This hits Dean hard. He realized that Cas has been protecting him this whole time. That Cas led the worst of the worst away from Dean to keep Dean safe. He prioritized Dean.

And much as Dean would rather be in the battle with Cas every time, it’s a lot harder to be mad knowing Cas was making himself a moving target to try to give Dean a chance to survive.

“That’s why I ran. Just leave me, please."

Now that he’s said what he needs to say, he turns away. He’s trying to distance himself from Dean, to give Dean a chance because in Purgatory he’s nothing but poison to Dean.

If the very touch of Dean corrupted Cas, the very presence of Cas endangers Dean. How surreal that these two whose existences so often seem contradictory come to best live in the presence of one another.

“Cas, we’re getting out of here. We’re going home.” “Dean, I can’t.” “You can. … Cas, buddy, I need you.”

Look at Cas’ reaction. Look at that. Because Cas can see into Dean. He can see that Dean means this—Dean needs Cas.

It’s not Dean asking Cas to do something for him. It’s not him needing Cas’ skills or expertise or powers or knowledge.

This is the first time that Dean has looked at Cas and said I need you.

It’s not about use or purpose. It’s about one being needing another being. Dean needs Cas in his life. He does. He needs him.

And he’s acknowledging it for the first time.

We don’t know if it’s the first time he’s realized it within himself, but it’s the first time he’s verbalized it. And it’s almost too much for Cas.

Cas is where Dean was in S4E01…. he doesn’t think he deserves to be saved. But what can he say to Dean? How can he tell this being who is finally looking at him and saying he needs him that he can’t go with him? That he won’t?

Even how this is shot is so damn intimate. I mean, we have the shots where all three are visible, but this moment is Dean talking to Cas over Cas’ shoulder, and then a closeup of Cas’s face.

Because this is intimate and this is personal and it allows us to momentarily forget Benny and rest in this moment with Cas who is feeling things he never thought he’d feel.

Now, much as Dean thinks he’s corruption to Cas, Cas thinks he’s poison to Dean. They’re so damn similar, but for just a second, Castiel forgets all that and absorbs his words—Dean needs me.

“Dean.” “And if Leviathan want to take a shot at us, let them.”

“Us. There’s an us here, now." I know I have referenced that line from Dawson’s Creek in other metas, but that’s because it’s one of those things that stands out to me in shows—when two characters choose to become an us.

Dean and Sam are a dynamic duo, brothers. But Cas? Much as Dean tries to say he sees him like a brother or whatnot, it’s because he’s trying to fit his relationship with Cas into a heteronormative box based on his life of experience.

And, yes, Benny makes three, but Dean is making a point to Cas, here. You don’t have to do this alone. We are going to do this together.

“We ganked those bitches once before, we can do it, again.”

Look at Dean’s face. He wants to do this with Cas. He can’t imagine going on without him.

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you.”

Dean has abandonment issues. He also has a fear of failing people. The people who need him most. The people he loves.

And all of this—from Dean saying he needs Cas to saying he won’t leave without him—has been shot without a glimpse of Benny. This was intentional. This tells a story.

We’re going on a journey in this scene, and for this particular part, Benny is a distraction. Because this is about the Destiel.

This is about Dean trying to get through to Castiel, and Cas trying to appease Dean enough to keep him moving, to get him to safety, knowing that he won’t follow behind.

Because Dean’s motivation in this scene is to get Cas and get back on the road. Castiel’s motivation is to get rid of Dean to keep him safe. But Cas quickly realizes Dean won’t move on without him.

Because Dean needs him.

Castiel is a burden to Dean and Benny, here. He’s literally a lightning rod for Leviathans and will dramatically reduce their chance of escape. But Dean doesn’t care.

That’s what is so wild about this. It’s the “heart choice” as Sam would say. Dean’s making the heart choice for Cas because he loves him.

It doesn’t matter what kind of love, at this point. It’s love. And it’s what Dean believes will pull that resistant Angel outta Purgatory, no matter what.

No, y’all weren’t crazy. I hope you know that.

This final shot on the water is beautiful.

Benny has been there during the scene, and when he was trying to split these two up by baiting Cas, he was in between them in a lot of the shots.

Then, what it got personal, the shots transitioned until it was close ups of Dean and Cas—because this is them. Dean unyielding in wanting to keep them together. Castiel doing anything to protect Dean, even if it means keeping them apart.

In this last wide shot with the three of them in silhouette, Benny is on the outside, and Cas and Dean are facing one another. What a beautiful metaphor for how the scene started to how it ended.

Yes, Cas intends to stay, but he’s going to stay with Dean as long as he can. He will protect him as well as he can. Now, the fate of the world doesn’t matter for him. He’s in Purgatory, so what can he do about it?

But the fate of one man? Maybe he can have a hand in saving that one man.

"I know we’re not mates, Kevin, but one word of advice. Run. Run far and run fast. Because the Winchesters, well, they have a habit of using people up and watching them die bloody.”

The camera shows us Dean, his reaction to these words. Bobby’s gone. Cas is gone. And this kid… Well, who can blame this kid for being scared?

“What’s that kid thinking?” “He thinks people I don’t need anymore, they end up dead.” “Dean, that that’s not true. You know that.”

Don’t “need”. Need. And, yes, this is a different kind of need because he did need Cas and Cas still ended up dead, as far as he knows.

Look, I have definitely felt that Cas was used up a lot by the Winchesters. So many times he had to remind them that he was at literal war and they didn’t care.

They were hard on him. They were patronizing to him. They called him only when they needed things and off-hand sort of offered help… but by that point it was far too late.

This doesn’t excuse Cas’ bonehead decisions in Season 6. He made those on his own. Both “the Winchesters were using Cas like a personal pan Angel” and “Castiel was being a fucking moron” can be true at the same time.

S8E05 -

“I don’t think it would work for me.” “You hear what he’s telling you, Dean? Your buddy is saying-.”

“Your buddy”. We’ve officially entered the stage where people finally start addressing Dean with the “your such and such” stuff.

“Listen to me you undead blood junkie, I’m the one with the mojo. I’m the one with the plan. Cas, we’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

Dean is so determined that the plan will work. And this is so damn true to character that I could kiss him (platonically, on the cheek) for being who he is. Because that’s why we love Dean Winchester—he keeps at it even when it seems damn impossible.

But, yeah, he’s totally missing the point—Cas is trying to say goodbye.

“My life changed when she entered it, Dean. Everything I had been or done up to that point just… seemed to vanish into what we had become together. I mean, we found it, man.”

Why is this such a parallel for Castiel and Dean? In this version, Castiel and Benny are in the same position—two beings who had entire lives before they met the one they loved.

And from that point on, everything was different.

Dean changed Cas. And as the Vampires came for Benny, the Angels came for Cas. It’s so damn obvious if you just sit and listen.

“The Angel knows it. We are never gonna make it with him next to us glowing like a beacon.” “Do I need to remind you of our deal? Of what you committed to?” “He is gonna get us killed.”

But just a moment later, Benny saves Cas from a Leviathan, and that secures Dean’s loyalty. Because, Benny knows that it would be easier for him and Dean to make it without Cas—but Dean’s not going anywhere without his Angel.

So, instead of letting the Leviathan magnet die, Benny saves him.

S8E06 -

“Well, I guess people change, don’t they?”

This is Dean talking about not killing Benny, and I think it’s important that Dean is on a journey of his own, here. It’s independent of Cas, and there’s nothing wrong with that. For so long, Dean was the one to “Kill first, talk later”.

He can’t be a static character, and I’m glad they explored this side of him, to be honest. I think he needed to see that he could be more than just what was expected of him.

But I think it’s important to remember that Dean is a creature of habit and that change isn’t as easy for him as it is for others. He’s slower to see the humanity in Benny, Meg, Crowley, Rowena, etc. He takes a while to catch up.

And it’s the same with his love for Cas. It’s going to take him longer to get there because it’s outside of what he expects of himself, of what he expects for his life, of who he thinks he’ll be.

For goodness sake, it isn’t until the Penultimate episode of the series, fresh off Castiel’s declaration of love that he sees himself as anything other than the killer he’s been “destined” to be. And Cas’ love did that.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself…

S8E07 -

MUSIC: “If it’s the last thing we ever do, we got to get out of this place. Girl, there’s a better life for you and me.”

I didn’t catch it the first time I watched the scene, but as I rewatched, I had to giggle a little at that music choice. And, yes, it was a choice.

This show is all about nostalgia when it comes to music because that’s a big part of Dean’s personality. Music takes him back to times when things were simpler. Sometimes they remind him of his Mom.

Dean isn’t expecting to see Cas on the side of the road as this particular line plays, but somebody made that choice, and we get to read into it. Yay!

Is it about getting out of Purgatory, Dean and Cas? That seems like the obvious read on it, right? And the end of the song is literally “Believe me, baby. I know it. You know it, too.”

So, Dean’s listening to a love song about getting away with your baby at the exact moment Cas first tries to connect with him from wherever he is.

“I was about to say you look like you’ve seen a ghost, but you’d probably be stoked. You okay?” “Yeah, I’m cool.”

His tone is so… resigned. Like, he has to be okay, because there’s no way he actually saw Castiel? Right!?

Until… he sees him again outside the window. And let’s address how insane their connection is that Sam never sees Cas during this weird in-between period of Cas trying to get through. It’s only Dean.

Plus, we know poor Castiel is probably undergoing his lobotomy about, now. So, does this mean he’s trying to reach out during the process? That he’s trying to escape? That some part of him knows something is wrong and he needs to get to Dean?

Dean closes the laptop and goes to the window, looking out. It wakes Sam.

“I just saw something." “Uh, you saw what?” “Cas."

Ackles is killing me with how softly he delivers a single syllable, how wistful and wishful.

“Cas? Where?” “Right there. And, and and earlier on the road. I feel like I’m seeing him.” “That’s not possible. I mean, you said it yourself. You made it out and he didn’t.” “I tried so damn hard to get us out of there.”

Us. There’s an us here.

“I know you did.” “You know, I could have pulled him out, I just don’t understand why he didn’t try harder.” {Dean walks away, and even when his brother approaches him, Dean’s eye go to the window, not Sam} “Dean. You did everything you could.” “Yeah, but why do I feel like crap?” “Survivors guilt?” “Hm.”

I mean, there’s also a far less hetero explanation, Sam, but I get why you’re not going there, yet.

“If you let it, this is gonna keep messing with you. You’ve gotta walk past it.”

But Dean can’t. He’s stuck on this moment, on his failure, on his belief that he let Cas down.

“Dean, it’s a human portal. There’s no still proof that an angel can pass.” “Stow it, Cas. You’re coming. That’s final.” “I’m just saying {Cas puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder. It stops them both} if it doesn’t work. Thank you for everything.” “Save the hallmark. Okay? It’s gonna work. Nobody gets left behind.”

Or forgotten. I’m sorry, am I the only one who thought that because of Lilo & Stitch? Then, again, maybe I’m not the target demo for Supernatural at all and this is all a terrible, terrible mistake.

But the point here is that Cas is trying to prepare Dean for the ultimate failure because he’s afraid to tell Dean the truth. And even more afraid that Dean will get stuck in Purgatory trying to get him out.

“Hello, Dean.”

I started laughing so hard, which is so inappropriate. I mean, Cas just showed up in Dean’s reflection, over his shoulder as his little Angel. And all I can think about is Sam on the other side of this touching moment looking at nothing but Cas Ass.

Something’s seriously wrong with me.

But, once, again, as soon as Cas appears, he’s cropped out of the shots. This moment right here is for Dean and Cas.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to reach out, but for whatever reason I wasn’t at full power. So I couldn’t connect with you.” “That must have been why you kept seeing him. I mean, you think?” … “I’m dirty.” “Yeah, well, Purgatory will do that to you.”

Dean’s thrilled to have Castiel back, but alarm bells are going off in his head. He knows that there was only a human hatch outta Purgatory and Cas has zero memory of how he got here.

I don’t think he’s worried that Cas is something else—Demon, Shapeshifter, Leviathan—but he’s worried about Cas and what it means for all of them that he can’t remember how he got there.

Cas walks out of the bathroom, not only clean, but finally wearing his trademark Castiel costume fully for the first time since the first episodes of Season 7. He smiles as he presents himself, so damn proud.

And the audience gets to see Castiel settled as himself, again. He’s no longer grappling with the mental anguish he took on from Sam, but anyone who’s seen the series before knows the alarm bells going off in Dean’s head are warranted.

Ackles’ acting choice is baffling to me, though. I don’t mean it in a critical sense! I only mean to say that I have watched it over and over and there are so many interpretations that I’m struggling to land on one that resonates most with me.

It feels unsettled, to me, while others read it in a sexual manner. I can see it that way, but I’m going to go with Dean just being unsettled to see Cas shift so quickly from Purgatory putrid to squeaky-clean Angel.

They try to fall into a familiar rhythm, but even sitting in the car with Castiel behind him, Dean’s mind is on Purgatory.

"Cas, can I talk to you outside?” “What?” “Exactly. What? What the hell happened? Back there. Purgatory. I told you I would get you out. We were there. It’s like you just gave up. It’s like you didn’t believe we could do it.”

There are are so many times where Dean is disappointed when Cas doesn’t appear to trust him. It devastates him every time, and I don’t think Cas even realizes it, yet.

“You kept saying that you didn’t think it would work. Did you not trust me?”

I swear, I forgot he said that, here. But, I guess it goes to show I was on the right track. Score one for Rachel!

“Dean-" “I did everything I could to get you out. Everything!” {Cas’ eyes narrow… he’s looking} I did not leave you.”

His abandonment issues are flaring here. He doesn’t want to do to others what he felt was done to him. He feels like he’s always been abandoned. and he would never do that to Cas.

Because when he and Cas went into Purgatory, he’d forgiven Cas. Cas actually helped him save the day. Cas came through despite his fears and self-doubt.

Dean believed in him and he was going to protect him, damnit, because Cas was family. And Ackles is doing a phenomenal job here of weaving his anger with anguish, his frustration with heartbreak.

It’s such a complicated character—one who has a vision of who he is supposed to be so carved into him that it rivals the Enochian sigil on his ribs. And, yet, he is so much more layered than he often allows himself to be.

And Ackles has the job of conveying that to us since we can’t see inside of Dean’s head. He’s really doing a lovely job here. I stop and rewind that line quite a bit because someone in that editing booth was smart enough to hang onto the shot long enough to let Ackles emote the shit out of it long after his lips stop moving.

“So you think this was your fault?”

Dean doesn’t like when Cas sees him like that… sees through him. It makes it so much harder for him to deflect and hide his emotions.

Cas smites the demon, but he’s worn, and Dean notices immediately. He rushes to the Angel and grips his shoulder.

“What the hell is going on? You’re not all the way back, are you?”

Dean is so much more aware of Castiel this season. Damn, I like this.

“It’s not working.” “Dean, I’m going in.” “Cas, no. You’re not strong enough.”

Dean is concerned. This is such a shift from last season where Dean was pushing, pushing, pushing at Cas to get him to do something despite him not being fully himself.

He just got Cas back, and he’s trying to protect him. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s that he can’t lose him, again, so suddenly.

But Cas goes in, anyway. And after he destroys the tablet, the door opens to reveal Dean. He rushes immediately to his Angel, gripping his shoulder to help him sit up. They hold each other’s gazes just long enough for Dean to confirm he’s okay.

“That was a bonehead move back there. You could have gotten yourself killed. Why didn’t you wait for me?” “Well, I didn’t get killed and it worked.” “And if it didn’t?” “It would have been my problem.”

Last season, Dean was telling Cas to clean up his mess. Well, Cas internalized that, it seems.

Also, Season 8 moves to them really speaking to one another more like equals. In Season 4 and even 5, Cas does a lot of talking down to Dean. Season 6 and 7, Dean does a lot of talking down to Cas.

In Season 8, there’s this evening of the plane between them that really shines in their few episodes together at the front half of the season.

“Well, that’s not the way I see it.” “Hey, everything isn’t your responsibility. Getting me out of purgatory wasn’t your responsibility.”

This is kinda sad, to see that Cas thinks of himself as a responsibility or obligation. But, it’s not entirely wrong for him to see that, especially considering how Dean talked about Sam during his wild, brothel-filled night out with Cas.

Dean does often feel like he’s responsible for everything. That’s why he hunts. He thinks he doesn’t deserve a quiet life as long as there are terrible things out there that will ruin the quiet lives of others.

“You didn’t get out. So, whose fault was it?” “It’s not about fault. It’s about will. Dean, do you really not remember?” “I lived it, Cas. Okay, I know what happened.” “No. You think you know. You remembered it the way you needed to.”

Every now and then we get a reminder that Castiel is a freaking Angel and he can see inside of Dean. He realizes that Dean’s memory is faulty, that he has false guilt, and he wants to lift it from him.

“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about!"

And there it is. He cares about Cas. He feels like he failed Cas. And he hates to let down the ones he loves.

“I don’t need it.” “Dean, just look at it. Really look at it. {He shows Dean} See, it wasn’t that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me because I didn’t want to be saved.”

“I pulled away” is just insane, here. But, also, “I didn’t want to be saved”. What was it that Chuck said at the end of Season 5? That Dean didn’t want Cas to save him?

These two are so alike, and they just don’t see it. Always punishing themselves more than anyone else will ever punish them.

“What the hell are you talking about?” “It’s where I belonged. I needed to do penance after the things I did on earth and in heaven, I didn’t deserve to be out and I saw that clearly while I was there. I, I planned to stay all along. I just didn’t know how to tell you. You can’t save everyone, my friend. Though you try.”

There are tears in Dean’s eyes, and his lip starts to quiver. He’s upset. He’s heartbroken in a different way. He realizes how Cas punished himself.

Dean forgave him and wanted Cas to come with him, but Cas couldn’t forgive himself. That’s something else they share, now.

Everything Dean did in Hell… everything Cas did on Earth and in Heaven… they both have shame that digs so deep into who they are that they don’t think they deserve to be saved.

From “You can’t save everyone” to “You don’t think you deserve to be saved”.

They share this in a profound and horrible way that few other beings could. It’s another thread of connection between them that, oh, both would give anything for the other not to know such pain.

Dean clams up as soon as Sammy appears. All the vulnerability he was showing with Cas… it’s gone. And it’s not that Dean can’t be vulnerable with his brother, but that’s different. What he has with Cas is different from what he has with his brother.

Much as Dean tries to smash Cas into a “brother” box because it’s what he knows, we are to a point where their relationship is something else, and Dean doesn’t yet realize it.

“Just, uh, setting a few things straight.”

Because we’re not. What, that’s not what he said?

Dean looks to Cas and he’s still in that moment. He’s still there… he hasn’t released, yet, from what he just realized and saw.

“Yes, I’m with you. If that’s alright.”

Cas takes this right to Dean. He knows that Dean gets final say when it comes to him, and he knows that he just dropped a bombshell on his friend. So, he’s willing to do whatever Dean wants, here.

“It is, right? You two are good?” “Yeah.”

But Dean is pensive, still lost, still worried about Cas.

Look, we already know Heaven and Hell know about Destiel. Now Purgatory does, too, and I’m fairly certain Sammy here is in the know. I think the very last person to know is Dean, but that’s a story for much later in this Meta.

Also, this concludes Dean’s Season 8 Widower Arc. It gets worse every time he loses Cas, but this time is a tough one because he thinks he failed Cas.

He thinks he let him down. He thinks he left Cas in Purgatory despite all his best efforts. But the truth sets him free, to an extent.

S8E08 -

“What’s the word, Cas?” “It’s a shortened version of my name.”

Dean wags his head in the usual “Autistic Cas” moment way, and not the “Cas lost his marbles” way. It’s refreshing. It feels like we’re back.

“I mean what the word on the word. Any, uh, tablet chatter on Angel radio?” “Oh, I couldn’t say. I turned that off.” … “Why’d you flip the switch?” “Because it’s a direct link to Heaven, and I don’t want anything to do with that place. Not anymore.”

This is so heartbreaking. Cas is running from Heaven and staking his claim with the Winchesters. He wants to stay with them.

I mean, he literally said in Season 6 there were times he’d rather be on Earth with them rather than in Heaven. His allegiances and alliances have shifted so significantly.

“Wait, Cas. Cas. If you wanna play cowboys and bloodsuckers, that’s fine, but you’re gonna stick with us, okay? None of this zapping around crap. Capiche?” “Yeah, I capiche.”

Look, it’s another arc for Castiel, right? Later, we’ll see him hunt quite well on his own. But, he can’t start off an expert, especially with his learning curve with all things human.

At the hotel, the boys are working while Cas researches in his own way—watching cartoons. And, Castiel is sitting on a bed, again.

At this point, it just feels like an unnecessary middle finger, but it makes me laugh every time. Cas is gonna sit on the bed, damnit!

“I understand. The bird represents God and coyote is man endlessly chasing the divine yet never able to catch up to him. It’s hilarious.”

He plays it off, but we know he’s saying that because from Dean’s look, he’s not getting the message they’d hoped. Cas starts going through Dean’s bag, again, just looking at the various things.

And Dean never calls him on it. He never does. He just ignores it as the Angel explores and learns.

“Cas, you gonna book a room or what?” “No, I’ll stay here.” “Oh, okay, yeah. We’ll have a slumber party and braid Sam’s hair. Where are you gonna sleep?” “I don’t sleep.” “Okay, well I need my four hours so” “I’ll watch over you.” “That’s not gonna happen.”

Dean, you know that Castiel doesn’t sleep. You’re literally the one who mentioned it when he was Emmanuel, and when Cas was briefly human in Season 5 and you saw him sleeping, you and Sam discussed how Angels don’t sleep.

So, either this slipped past the writers or Dean conveniently forgot.

“Hey, can you lift this?”

Cas nearly rolls his eyes as he does, and Dean’s a little impressed, here, if he’s honest. Like, “My Angel is fit!” Am I right?

“Your father. Beautiful handwriting."

He is literally reading John Winchester’s journal. And Dean doesn’t seem surprised or whatever. He doesn’t seem to worry about boundaries with the Angel much, anymore, which is fascinating. There’s such a level of trust there.

Also, sitting on beds continues.

“How are you feeling Cas?” “I’m fine.” “Well, I just, I, I know that when I got puked out of purgatory it took me a few weeks to find my sea legs.”

Partly because you were mourning Cas, you big lug.

“I’m fine.” “Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy you’re back. I’m freaking thrilled. It’s just this whole mysterious resurrection thing. It always has one mother of a downside.”

Dean’s truly trying to watch out for Cas, here, for all of them. He knows that Cas is off because he knows Castiel well enough, now, to know what to look for. He honestly wants to help Cas while protecting them all from whatever other shoe might be about to drop.

{Cas closes the book and looks at him} “So, what do you want me to do?” “Maybe take a trip upstairs.” “To heaven?” “Yeah. Poke around. See if the God squad can’t tell us how you got out.” “No.” “Look man I hate those flying ass monkeys as much as you do but-” “Dean, I said no!”

It’s a rare moment of Castiel losing his cool in the midst of an otherwise non-confrontational conversation with Dean. And it’s definitely off.

So, Dean does the most human thing he can. He closes his laptop, walks away from work, and sits on the bed across from Cas, giving him his full attention.

This is such growth for Dean, here. He is investing in Cas. Not because of what Cas can do for him or help him with, but because he cares about Cas. We’ve crossed into a new state of being for them as a unit—one with mutual respect.

It was a long time coming, and it’s probably why some of their Season 8 scenes are among my favorite Destiel scenes ever, this one included.

“Talk to me.” “Dean, I-”

Cas sets down the journal, squares up with Dean so they’re facing one another, and finally looks him in the eye.

“When I was bad and I had all those things the leviathans writhing inside of me, I caused a lot of suffering on Earth, but I devastated heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind and I, I can’t go back.” “Cause if you do the angels will kill you.” “Because if I see what heaven’s become, what I… what I made of it, I’m afraid I might kill myself.”

For Cas to admit something like this is huge. He’s a being that’s been around since almost the beginning of time, but in addition to wanting to leave himself in a dimension where he was constantly hunted, he now is struggling with suicidal thoughts.

The impact of Cas’ words hit Dean just as Sam walks in. Dean tries to stay focused on Cas, but Cas is eager for the out and he gets up, breaking the moment.

“You go Invisible Girl and keep an eye on him, you hear me?”

This is fascinating to me, because Dean is essentially telling Cas to spy, the very thing he did that got him in trouble back in Season 6 and gave him away when he was working with Crowley.

It’s no longer touchy or concerning to Dean. It’s a skill Cas has that they are going to use… and rarely use, again.

“Cas, you get to ride shotgun. You done good.”

And, gosh, Cas wants that. He wants to be with Dean and Sam and keep going. But Naomi holds him back.

S8E10 -

“Damn it, Cas. How many times I gotta tell you, it’s just creepy.” "Dean, I need your help. The angel Samandriel, he’s been taken." … “So, who snatched Heaven’s most adorable angel?”

Are you trying to make Cas jealous, Dean? Also, I think it’s funny how Dean can never sleep through Cas watching him. Honestly, Cas wants Dean to wake so they can talk.

“Yes, which is why I need your help. It seems this is gonna involve, talking to people.” “Come on, Cas, I thought you were a hunter, now.” “Well, I thought so, too, but, it seems I lack a certain-“ “Skill? {slams porn shut} You saw nothing.”

Why the sudden embarrassment, Dean? Two seasons ago, Cas was watching porn in the hotel room and you were annoyed with him, but not embarrassed by it. I mean, you were the one to comment on his boner!

Cas politely looks away as Dean reopens the laptop. He quickly exits out of the porn and get to work.

But I find the shift in sex from a go-to joke or moment of levity to taboo between them fascinating.

Yes, I know I’m over-using that word. But I’m writing this Meta in between a bunch of real world ridiculousness, so I’m not gonna be too hard on me for ignoring the Thesaurus.

“All right. What am I looking for?”

PAUSE: This is huge. I mean, all of Season 6 Cas tried to tell them he was at war and they treated him like shit. Now, Cas comes with a need and Dean wants to help. That is growth.

“Hey, what do you say this doesn’t pan out we head back to that beer-and-bacon Happy Hour about a mile back, huh?”

Aww. Cas doesn’t eat, but Dean wants to, like, hang out and eat with him. That’s more growth!

“And I need both of you, as you say, to stow your crap. Can you do that?”

Forceful Cas is back! I love forceful Cas! Because sometimes he gets so puppy-eyed in later seasons that we forget he’s a badass warrior Angel.

“After killing so many, I need to save at least this one.”

He looks to Dean. Dean gets it, now, Cas’ mindset. And he was the one to meet Samandriel and know they were friends.

“Cas, go.”

Okay, mad creative use of the Angel Swoop, here. Instead of the camera swooping to reveal Cas, it swoops out with Dean’s outstretched hand to reveal the angels are gone. That’s some mighty neat directing, there!

Naomi orders Cas to kill Samandriel, his friend, and he does it almost without question. There’s no real hesitation. He echoes what Naomi tells him to say, but Dean and Sam both know something’s really wrong.

Also, him taking the body up to Heaven after saying he wanted nothing to do with Heaven a few episodes ago is wild. So, yeah, the Winchesters are right to wonder what the fuck is up with their friend.

It will be seven episodes before we see Cas, again. Seven episodes apart from him. Guest actor work is wild.

S8E13 -

“Anything from Cas?” “No, not, not a peep. Why, you?” “No, He’s, uh, he’s not answering.”

Dean’s the one to bring him up. After a year of chasing him down in Purgatory only to lose him at the last minute, he’s eager to keep an eye on the guy.

S8E14 -

“I’ll tell you what I do know. It’s that I’m gonna die with a gun in my hand. Cause that’s what I have waiting for me. That’s all I have waiting for me."

Ehh… you’ll have friends. Family. And an Angel waiting for you, my boy. But, that’s a while off, yet.

“I want you to get out. I want you to have a life, become a man of letters, whatever. You with a wife, and kids, and, and grandkids. Living til you’re fat and bald and chugging viagra. That’s my perfect ending and it’s the only one that I’m gonna get. So I’m gonna do these trials. I’m gonna do them alone, end of story. You’re staying here. I’m going out there.”

He doesn’t know how right he is about that future. I know including this isn’t very “Destiel” of me, but I think it’s important to see where Dean is mentally apart from Cas.

“I believe in you, Dean, so please, please, believe in me, too.”

Belief is powerful, and that’s something that this show really addresses over and over. It’s not about faith in any specific thing. It’s about faith in something and someone. And Dean’s faith is shakier than anyone’s in anything.

It’s just good to remember that every so often.

S8E16 -

“So, no word from Cas. Kevin’s taking his sweet little time. And you’re acting cagey.”

Again, Dean’s the one to bring up Cas. He’s thinking a lot about his Angel.

“Cas, you got your ears on? Listen, you know I am not one for praying. Cause in my books it’s, it’s the same as begging. But this is about Sam so I need you to hear me. We are going into this deal blind, and I don’t know what’s ahead. Or what it’s gonna bring for sam. Now he’s covering pretty good but I know that he is hurting and this one was supposed to be on me. So for all that we’ve been through, I’m asking you… you keep a lookout for my little brother, okay? {Looks for him} Where the hell are you, man?”

This is the most earnestly we’ve seen Dean pray to Cas. It’s heartbreakingly beautiful, but layered with trust and truth. He’s worried about his brother and he’s asking Castiel to be the one to take care of him, to watch out for him.

This is Dean’s mission in life—protect Sammy. And he’s asking Cas to join him in. I mean, that’s huge. Some people bring a new adult into their kid’s life, and I know that’s a big move of trust. I’ve lived it as that kid.

Dean is demonstrating that trust he still has in Cas despite his shady behavior this season. He believes Cas will do this for him… if only he’ll answer.

S8E17-

This opener is so fucking creepy and I love it. Castiel being conditioned to kill Dean Winchester. And it doesn’t take a handful or a dozen of dummies for Naomi to be satisfied with Castiel’s brainwashing.

No, as we pull out we see hundreds and hundreds of Dean Winchesters slain by Castiel’s hand. Over and over she taught him to murder him, to end him, to destroy him.

The path to Hell might be lined with good intentions, but the floors of Heaven are lined with dead bodies. Gee wiz!

“How about you answer some questions, first, like where the hell have you been?” “You heard me, didn’t you.” “You prayed to him? “Yes, I heard you.”

This hurts. Because prayer is a sign of faith, and to know that Cas heard him and didn't answer hurts like hell. And Dean should know!

“Well, he puts the ’ass’ in ’Cas’, huh?”

No. Dean. Because Castiel has one S in his name, but we’ll let it slide because that Angel’s in love with you enough not to correct you.

“He’s definitely off." “Off? He hasn’t been right since he got back from Purgatory and we will don’t know how he got out of there.” “I don’t know, Dean, if he’s so sketchy then why were you praying to him?” “You know I can hear you both. I am a celestial being.”

This is one thing that really makes me laugh, sometimes. I mean, there are times I think the show forgets Cas is a celestial being, too, but these two really underestimate him and his powers.

But, Dean is so right to be suspicious and worried. It just goes to show how much better he knows Cas, now. He can tell when Cas is himself and when something else is going on.

“You really think we can trust Meg-stiel.”

Also, don’t think I haven’t missed the hilarity of Ackles being the one chosen to deliver this line. The popularity of combining the names of characters to form ship names originated with Soap Operas, and our dear Texas prince, here, was quite the Soap star back in the day. So, that gave me an extra giggle.

“You haven’t been fine since the first trial. That’s why I called Cas.” … “Dean, I’m telling you, I’m okay.” “No, you’re not. Sam… you’re damaged in ways even I can’t heal. Dean’s right. You should stay here and protect Meg.”

And I’m one of those who thinks Cas did have a genuine connection with Meg. Now, we all know he’s doing this mostly because Naomi wants to keep Cas close to the tablet, no matter what. But I don’t mind Meg-stiel.

It’s not my Ship, but it’s a good ship. And the brief stint of Meg and Dean sharing Cas will forever make me smile.

“I can’t let you take that, Dean.” “Can’t? Or won’t?” “Both.” “How did you get out of Purgatory, Cas?”

Dean sees an opportunity, and he’s leaping for it. He’s going to use the leverage he thinks he has to get answers, damnit.

BACK IN HEAVEN: There has to be another way., You have done this a thousand times, Castiel. You’re ready. Kill him. Then take the tablet and bring it home where it belongs.

"Just tell me how you got out of purgatory. Be honest with me. For the first time since you’ve been back, and this is yours. ... Cas. Cas, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but if you’re I there and you can hear me, you don’t have to do this. Cas!"

BACK IN HEAVEN: This isn’t right. … I won’t hurt Dean., Yes, you will. You are.

“Cas, fight this. This is not you. Fight it!”

This strikes me so hard. Dean is fully aware that this is not Cas, that Cas would never do this. Yes, Cas beat the shit out of him in Season 6, but there was a reason behind that that Dean understood.

This blind abuse without emotion? That’s not Cas.

Cas feels. He has too much heart. This is passionless, emotionless, and very much like a Terminator executing a kill order.

And Dean believes Cas can fight this. That’s what strikes me about Season 8—Dean has such faith in Cas.

BACK IN HEAVEN: {Cas is holding his head. This is killing him.} “What have you done to me?” “Just relax, Castiel, let your vessel do what you know deep down is the right thing.”

This strikes me, taking me back to Dean whipping Cas around in that Burger & Beer room back in Season 4, saying that the angel knew the difference between right and wrong.

Naomi has no idea how deep Dean is in Castiel’s veins, in his mind, in the Angelic equivalent of a heart. His protests begin to bleed out, the connection wearing thinner as he starts to speak aloud on Earth.

“What have you done to me, Naomi?” “Who’s Naomi?”

Dean was right. Something is wrong, and he can see Cas fighting it. He’s doing it. He’s trying to fucking fight, which is what Dean always asks Cas to do.

BACK IN HEAVEN: “What have I done to you? Do you have any idea what it’s like out there. There’s blood everywhere and it’s on your hands. After everything you did to us, to heaven, I fixed you, Castiel. I fixed you.”

Season 7 Castiel lamented that he couldn’t “fix” things. Season 6 Castiel “fixed” what he could by saving Lisa. Season 8 Castiel was “fixed” by Naomi. It comes back around and around, again, but so much is still broken.

“You want it? Take it. But you’re gonna have to kill me first. Come on, you coward. Do it. Do it!”

This harkens back to the fight in Season 5 when Dean was bloodied on the ground in the alley. He told Castiel to finish it off, and that is when Castiel stopped before. He stopped before when Dean goaded him, encouraged him, egged him on.

Will it be enough this time?

BACK IN HEAVEN: “Please." “End this Castiel.”

He pleads for mercy. He begs.

On Earth, Dean reaches for Cas free hand, grabbing his arm. Castiel doesn’t shrug it off. He’s in a trance, but you can tell he’s still aware of Dean. Dean knows it, too.

So Dean tries what he can to break through.

“Cas, this isn’t you. This isn’t you. Cas. Cas.”

Cas raises his weapon to deliver a final blow, but he pauses. He stalls. His arm hovers in the air, somewhere between the connection.

“I know you’re in there. I know you can hear me. Cas. It’s me. We’re family. We need you. I need you.”

The last time he said this was in Purgatory, and oh how it nearly destroyed Cas then. Because Cas knows by now that he needs Dean. But here, it’s somehow even more personal.

Because Dean starts with the bigger picture and brings it smaller. He starts with “we”—me and Sammy. But then, it becomes more intimate.

It’s about you and me, Cas. It’s about us. I need you.

BACK IN HEAVEN: “You have to choose, Castiel. Us or them.”

That’s all it takes for Cas to know his choice. Despite the connection still being open, the weapon tumbles from his hand. He releases Dean, and the wounded human falls back as Cas reaches for the tablet.

The second he connects with the tablet, something Angelic happens, and the thinning connection snaps.

Because the tightly braided cord between him and Dean is strong and resilient. When asked to choose between the two, there wasn’t a chance in Hell he was choosing Heaven.

Dean’s love for Cas broke through. Now, is it romantic love at this point? I don’t know that I’d call it that, personally. But it is love.

Cas realizes what he’s done to Dean, and rather than wave a hand over his face or touch a finger to his forehead, Cas reaches out with his open hand to cup Dean’s face. It’s intimate. It’s personal. It’s purposeful.

There’s healing in the touch, of course, but there’s also love. And for Cas… yes, yes I think he’s at least beginning to realize the depths of his love for Dean Winchester.

Dean’s fear before the healing sets in is palpable, his voice breaking as he repeats Cas’ name. He grips Cas’ sleeve in anticipation of the pain, then his fingers falter as the restoration settles over him, instead.

“I’m so sorry, Dean.” “What the hell just happened?”

Yeah, yeah. You’re about to get an earful, my friend.

“So this Naomi has been controlling you since she got you out of Purgatory.” “Yeah.” “Well, what broke the connection?”

The tablet finished the job, but the connection was already breaking. Because of love. Dean Winchester’s love for Cas broke through. Again, I don’t think it’s romantic on his end, yet, but for Castiel, that shift has been in motion for a while.

So, when Dean speaks honestly for love, it connected with the love in Cas for him. It was strong enough to send the weapon tumbling from his hands, to allow our Cas to break through enough to quirk an eyebrow of curiosity as he reached for the tablet.

The subtlety in that little bit of performing is phenomenal because I had to really look to be sure I wasn't imaging it. The tablet set him free, yes, but I fully believe it was only because the link to Naomi was already fraying and failing because of Dean.

“So, what happened? I mean, Cas touched the tablet and it reset to him his factory settings or something?” “I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is that he is off the reservation with a, a heavenly WMD. Listen, man, I can’t take anymore lies from anyone.”

Oh, Dean. He wasn’t trying to lie this time. He was literally lobotomized and he told you so.

Maybe you’ll give him a little more grace on this one because, y’know, he was programmed to fucking kill you and your love for him broke through enough to stop him.

On another note: "Goodbye Stranger" is such a fucking banger. Yes, I know it came out before I was born (1984), but my mother hated the music of the 80’s and 90’s so I grew up on 50’s-70’s music.

Like, I was sitting here singing along at the end. I'm so ridiculous—a walking musical jukebox of a human.

S8E18 -

“I’m fine. Are you okay?” “Me?” “Yeah, Cas dinged you up pretty good.” “And? “And I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” “What, like my feelings?” “If that’s what you want to talk about, sure.”

Sam meant his feelings the whole time. Dean’s had the shit beat out of him by Cas before, but this is different. Dean knew something was off about Cas, and he was right.

In the end, Cas took off. And, no, Dean doesn’t understand everything that Cas has been through. But, to be fair, Cas hasn’t exactly clued Dean in on much beyond that brief conversation.

Cas and Dean fight and it fucks with Dean, and Sam knows that. He's trying to give his brother space to talk it out and feel what he’s feeling, but Dean’s so damn repressed he deflects to some bullshit and Sam understandably gives up.

S8E19 -

“See, I don’t trust angels, which means I don’t trust you.” “And yet you haven’t warded this place against us.”

Damn. HBIC out here spitting truth.

But I completely understand how Dean has one Angel—one—that he trusts. Even despite all this bullshit right now, he is still trusting in Cas enough to leave the door open to him.

I only wish Cas knew that. Yes, Castiel is doing what he can to protect the tablet. But, he's gotta learn at some point that it’s better when he works with the Winchester boys.

Yes, I know this is a huge character flaw of both Dean and Cas. They both think they know what's best, go off half-cocked and do make some asinine deal or decision, then spend half a season mad the other one was the one to fuck up this time and not them.

"I know. You’re hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.”

You fucker. Look at the pain on Dean’s face. He doesn’t want Cas to let him down. He wants Cas to come back and explain himself and let them help.

“I know you don’t want to believe it, Dean, but we’re on the same side, shutting the gates of hell, bringing Castiel in from the cold. Take a moment. Think about what I’ve said.”

And here she is planting the seeds of her own destruction.

Everything she has done to Cas has been wrong, so it’s no wonder he’s later duped by Metatron into trying once again to “fix” things.

Again, consistent character flaw. But, it's so refreshing when Cas at last steps away from Heaven and lets them fuck things up on their own without him, for a change.

S8E20 -

“What about, uh, Castiel? He seems helpful and dreamy.”

We know Cas isn’t Charlie’s type, but she still calls him “dreamy”, so whose type is he? Yes, we all know it’s Dean.

And, side note, autocorrect tried to change the above to “whose top is he” and I very nearly left it in.

Just so you know, Autocorrect knows what's up with Destiel and it ain’t platonic or brotherly!

S8E21 -

I’m innocently watching the screen and a name flashes up. Directed by Robert Duncan McNeil!?! One of my favorite television directors of all time!?

No, I am not kidding. He has a certain style to his directing that allows the camera to become a character in this really beautiful way.

I caught a Chuck episode years back and told Matt it felt like it was directed by Robert Duncan McNeil. Looked it up later to find out I was right.

Anyway, I absolutely adore Castiel’s intelligence and how he evades the Angels. One of the things we forget about Cas too often is that he is incredibly intelligent.

It’s something the Winchesters don’t really appreciate because it rarely helps them. But in this scenario, Castiel’s intellect is helping him evade the evil. At least, until they figure out what will make him stop—that big damn heart of his.

“How many times have you torn into my head and washed it clean?” “Frankly, too damn many. You’re the famous spanner in the works. Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told, not completely. You don’t even die right, do you?”

Our Angel is the only one like him. No wonder he fell in love with one of Chuck’s favorite human siblings. Dean and Sam do things differently, which is why Chuck has so much fun with them.

And he has to keep bringing back the Angel because he thinks it’ll help keep Dean on the path he’s writing for him. But I like knowing Cas is our Cas just as Dean is our Dean.

In all the Universes, none are like them. And they found each other.

“In the words of a… good friend, Bite me.”

Holy shit this whole thing is a mood. I mean, the pause is killing me. The eyebrow raise is killing me. The emphasis on “good friend” is killing me.

Collins, you know I’d like to live, right!? Because, you are killing me, here.

I mean, the most famous gay eyebrow raises may be Michael Sheen as Aziraphale in Series 2 of Good Omens, but this might be second in line because gee wiz that was insane!

Also, Cas hid the thing inside himself!? Yo, I’m having a real Fifth Element moment, here.

Then, Castiel literally pulls a bullet from his stomach and uses it to kill a fellow Angel.

There are times we forget how badass Cas can be. Yes, he’s good for a side-eye with his lack of Pop Culture knowledge, but he’s also a warrior Angel who’s intelligent and cunning and resourceful.

Later, Dean’s driving. And he knows before he stops who he’s spied in the road.

S8E22 -

In the bunker, Cas tries to be conversational, but Dean is pissed. He’s more pissed than he was during the whole Godstiel thing.

Because as Dean’s feelings deepen, so does the impact of Cas letting him down.

“Dean, I can go with you. Dean, I’m sorry.”

Dean finally looks to Cas.

“For what?” “For everything.” “Everything. Like, uh, like ignoring us?” “Yes.” “Or like bolting off with the angel tablet and losing it ’cause you didn’t trust me? You didn’t trust me., Yes., Yeah. Nah that’s not gonna cut it. Not this time. So you can take your little apology and you can cram it up your ass.”

Oh, yeah, Dean is real mad. But he is also hurt. I mean, look at his face. His words are mean and tough, but he’s got tears in his eyes and there’s so much pain there.

After everything they have been through. After how hard he fought to save Cas in Purgatory. After all of that, Cas didn’t trust him. Damn.

“Dean, I thought I was doing the right thing.” “Yeah, you always do.”

The dramatic push-ins on this very personal conversation are interrupted by Sam clearing his throat. And, seriously, it feels like he’s in the middle of a couple’s spat and wants out.

“Dude, go easy on Cas, okay, he’s one of the good guys.” “Dude, if anybody else, I mean anybody pulled that kind of crap I would stab them in their neck on principle. Why should I give him a free pass?” “Because it’s Cas.”

First off, those are a lot of “Dudes” in one exchange. But, also, we’re still in a phase where Sam is more attached to friends, in general, than Dean, so he’s the one going to bat for Cas, here.

Meanwhile, Cas goes shopping for Dean because he wants to do something for him. He can’t fix it, so he’s going to try to do something in its stead.

Gosh, this is reminding me of my husband, again. I’m Dean—and it should probably terrify me that I have so much in common with the traumatized, abused, anger-management-issues-on-steroids guy, but here we are—and Matthew is Cas. He’ll always try to do something for me when he can’t fix whatever is wrong in my life.

S8E23 -

“Dean, I need your help.” “I’m a little busy, Cas. Take a number.” “I’m afraid this can’t wait. Naomi has taken Metatron.” “And you know Metatron how?” “I’ve been working with him on the Angel Trials.”

Okay, here’s the thing. Mad as Dean has been at Cas, Castiel levels with him here and brings him up to speed.

“I can’t fail, Dean, not on this one. I need your help.” “Look, Cas, that’s all well and good, but you’re asking me to leave Sam… Now if anyone needs a chaperone while doing the heavy lifting, it’s Sam.”

And that’s all you need to know. Sammy will always come first for Dean. But, at the same time, he doesn’t seem as angry now that Dean has laid it all out.

Before, he was angry at Cas for not coming to him, for not trusting him. Welp, you got what you asked for, Dean. He’s here, and he’s asking for your help.

“You really think it’s wise to be drinking on the job?”

I love how Dean wordlessly passes the beer to Cas. There’s a lot less tension here than earlier. I think Cas finally coming to Dean and asking for help got through.

“What show have you been watching? Talk to me.”

I love this coming back. He’s reaching for Cas and waiting for Cas to reach back. It’s tugging at the cord between them to get a response, and even if neither realizes it, it strengthens the bond each time the other demonstrates trust.

"Are you sure about this? I mean, it’s one thing me and Sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you, you’re boarding up heaven. And you’re locking the door behind you.” “Yeah, I know.”

Cas sips the beer. It’s the motion that is so human, because we know the alcohol itself will have little impact on him, and probably doesn’t even taste the same to him as a human.

But, they’re falling into a rhythm that will later become quite familiar. It’s refreshing after the stress of most of the season.

And, to be clear, I’m not against conflict and antagonism and miscommunications. A show would be dead without it. Nothing would ever happen and we’d all just be watching sheep graze for hours on end.

But I think a lot of shows lose sight of the importance of taking a breath every now and again. Yes, we’re fighting for something and it’s brutal and it’s exhausting and it’s stressful.

But you have to stop to breathe every so often to remind us why we’re fighting and what we’re fighting for.

We’re fighting for those kids on the swing sets that Dean and Cas watched together at the park in Season 4. We’re fighting for families and friends. We’re fighting for nights out drinking with the besties and movie nights cuddling with your special someone.

That is what we’re fighting for.

“You did a lot of damage up there, man. You think they’re just gonna let that slide.” "Do you mean, do I think they’ll kill me? Yeah, they might.” “So, this is it. E.T. Goes home.”

It strikes me how different this is from their last “last night” together. They’re in a different place, now, and Dean’s done trying to get Cas laid. Instead, they’re sitting quietly together waiting for their next move.

Another thing that strikes me is how adoringly Dean looks to Cas on that last line, only to realize his reference is, once again, not understood. It’s a blink-and-you-miss-it thing that I very well may have hallucinated. But, it’s there.

Later, Naomi corners Cas and Dean. And if she hadn’t been such a fucking bitch all season, she might have gotten through to Cas. It strikes me how Cas goes to attack Naomi, and Dean grabs his arm.

We all know Cas is strong enough to shrug Dean’s hold off with ease. But, he lets Dean stop him. Because he does trust him.

But it’s not enough. Metatron wins in the end.

Survive all that and still want more? Part III for your enjoyment! Thanks for reading!!

#destiel #castiel #meta #Misha Collins #Jensen Ackles #Supernatural #SPN #Meta #DeanCas #CasDean #dean x castiel #Dean Winchester

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