#towards third and his feelings for khai

[waitmyturtles]

Gelboys, and the Delicious Art of Eliciting Cringe

A bunch of my amazing friends are doing an amazing project in rewatching the wonderful 2019 drama, Theory of Love, and watching the romcom films that are thematically associated with each ToL episode. Their recent ToL posts have gotten me thinking about Third and cringe.

When I think about Theory of Love, I always firstly think about wanting to chuck a chancla at Third's conker.

I'm a Khai defender, even while admitting that he was a gigantic putz to Third during a lot of the series. But, as the lovely @lurkingshan said to me when I first tuned into ToL -- Third was the architect of his own misery.

Oh, indeed he was. This incommunicative wet blanket! I wanted to keep yelling at Third: if you crush on a person, they can't read yer mind until you say something about it!

Third filled me with a sense of dread and cringe. He couldn't bring himself to communicate his crush on Khai to Khai. My dread came from watching Khai continue to do his Khai things, with my knowing that Third would get increasingly heartbroken vis à vis Khai, without Third intervening unto himself to stop his cascade into misery until it was too late for him. As a viewer, I saw Third devolve, slowly crumbling into more and more despair.

In my 2023 review of Theory of Love, I argued that part of the show's brilliance in presenting such a pitiful Third at the start was a brilliant narrative move to lull us viewers into feeling a sense of implicit empathy towards Third -- a sympathetic bias that would then lead to us viewers to not question Third on his actually very questionable decisions. I thought it was such a good play on the part of the screenwriters to tease us viewers like this.

What I'm absolutely LOVING about the currently-airing Gelboys are similar feelings of simultaneous empathy and cringe for the guys in the love triangle that's been established as of episode three among Fou4mod, Chian, and Bua.

We were first presented with Fou4mod and his life deal: his wildin' family, his musical predilections, his bisexuality -- and his very strong internal demand for clarity in relationships. Surely the moment of crying in the mall to end episode one gave me the teeny-bopper shivers, but I got the strongest sense of cringe from Fou4mod's behavior at the end of episode two, when we saw him -- in real time!!! -- compromise and negotiate around his internal emotional compass for the sake of keeping the waffling Chian close to him.

(h/t @clairedaring )

That shit was just painful to watch (and it was AMAZINGLY well done). For my sake, it was particularly painful because I could so, so, SO relate to being just like that when I was a teenager.

I'm an old mom and auntie now, but ::hacking cough:: back in mah day, I remember being a 15-year-old teenager and thinking that my only rule in relationships would be that if I was lucky enough to date someone cute, then that would be all I'd need. I wouldn't demand anything else. I'd consider myself worthy if someone cute liked me back.

Cue the sirens and alarms! Someone should have, because of course, with that mindset, I got myself into a whole lot of messy-ass shit, dealing with a bunch of assholes during and well after my college years. I had a common mix of low self-esteem and and ill-conceived priorities that led me to date a string of incompatible dillweeds until I got myself into more mature relationships from my mid-20s on (with those relationships not always being perfect ones, either).

I find the cringe that Fou4mod and Chian present to be SO particularly viscerally painful because, to me -- it is SO relatable.

We have here teenagers who don't know what they're thinking, what they're feeling, what they're even doing -- because they don't have the comparative life experience to know what their actions might result in by way of what we, as the more mature and invisible audience, expect as their natural emotional ends. Fou4mod and Chian have no idea, because this is the first time they're going through these waffling human interactions, in love, dating, courtship, relationships, hook-ups, whatever.

Take even Chian's waffling and cringey behavior. I am loving all the varied takes on Chian (cc @tinrange and @mirmoria). It is so easy at this point, now that we've consumed episode three, to perhaps demonize Chian, and I definitely feel at times like I want to do that, too.

But I want to take a step back and assess Chian's existence as we know it at this moment -- from my perspective, of all things, as a worried mom, and as a former teen myself.

I love what @tinrange presented in her post about Chian's existence and status as a teenager who is very, very alone, and is looking for some kind of connection ANYWHERE, no matter how unhealthy he knows, and his friends know, those connections to be. Chian is so alone, we might even consider his current state one of (temporary?) abandonment. I love that his moment getting advice from chatGPT shocked so many of us to states of stomach discomfort.

But, also -- this kid is ALWAYS connected online. The headphones are in. Killing time with his napping and/or studying friends, watching a drama on 2.0x. Scrolling IG endlessly. Repeatedly editing his Close Friends list. Thinking about the symbolism of sharing a story to literally one person. Receiving the heartbreak, in silence, of realizing those symbolic efforts keep cyclically coming to naught as Bua flip-flops his attention to others.

Chian is in an almost constant state of distraction. During the very few times that we see him disconnected -- like the moment above, when he sees Bua with Moo after doing Bua's nails (like a chump), or the moment when he negotiates his unclear status with Fou4mod -- he is able to, finally, get in touch with the discomfort of the instability of his status with Bua. And it's clearly breaking him.

But he's not stopping the cycle, as of episode three. His wheel, for now, seems to keep turning in the same direction, back towards his attraction to Bua, almost serving Bua the attention that Bua wants, on a platter.

Chian, I'd posit, doesn't have the life experience yet to know how to break that cycle. From the perspective of a worried mom, what would I say to Chian? "That Bua guy is a POS, you gotta move on"?

My advice would be useless, we know that. We know Chian's not been listening to his friends, to the point of his friends giving up on Chian, knowing Chian is going to repeat the cycle of servitude and rejection that he's been dishing up to Bua.

But besides Chian not listening to his friends, I'll say again that Chian -- especially without the physical presence of supportive and empathetic family near him to give him perhaps sounder advice than his friends -- does not have the guidance or skill set to know HOW to change his behavior. He might only be able to break away from Bua when Bua does something idiotic or drastic. Which, we know, will leave Chian even more in the dumps -- because that specific scenario would leave Chian with absolutely no agency to change his hoped-for outcomes.

WE, as the viewers, know how Chian needs to change his behavior. But Chian, as a very wonderfully written natural teenager, has no idea how to do that yet. And I think that's just so very raw and realistic, and it's being beautifully done in this show.

What was great about Khai in Theory of Love was that, in the second half of the series, we saw him engage in very specific acts of behavioral change to get to a place to be a realistic partner to Third. I talked in my ToL piece about how behavioral change is very much the most difficult type of change a human can make.

While I don't have a lot of hope for a positive outcome for Chian (YET), I am at least encouraged by Fou4mod continuing to dally around the center of his own moral compass, hinting to Chian that he'd like an update on that status question, stat.

Fou4mod centers himself around his desire for clarity, even though he's really messing around the edges of it, eliciting the concern of Baabin. But Fou4mod still has that conviction. It hasn't burnt out yet. He has hope, and that hope is defining and disappointing him, as we see in the last scene of the episode, as he stands in-between Bua, Moo, and Chian. And unlike Chian -- Fou4mod has family, lots of it, around him, and a friend that's patiently by his side, there to comment on Fou4mod's navigation of this very titchy and ick situation.

Fou4mod has optimism and is guided by his center. Bua seems like a big ol' playa (but we'll find out more if/when we get an episode about him). While Chian, in many ways, does indeed deserve to be put into a blender, I want to make one little note of hope I have for him, something that makes me cringe at him just a tiny little bit less:

While Bua used his Close Friends list to show off his flirting towards Moo to Chian, Chian removed Fou4mod from his list before he uploaded his own flirtatious moment with Bua.

The whole IG flirting circle thing is just messy and uncool anyway. But at least Chian thought to put up a boundary that Bua himself hadn't thought of. Maybe Chian will show us a glimpse of an internal compass that we're unaware of as this series goes on.

[neuroticbookworm]

Theory of Love Romcom Rewatch Episode 4: Crazy, Stupid, Love

Finally, I got to watch a movie for this project that did not make me wanna facepalm as the credits rolled. As always, @lurkingshan has summarized the movie in her post, so I will jump straight into adding my 2 cents. The film was really well-written, the relationships had more complexity than I had expected, and the commentary on love and what it means to be vulnerable was moving. The late-night conversation scene between Jacob and Hannah after their makeout, where Jacob finally opened up about his past, and the scene where Emily calls Cal under the pretence of fixing a heater, when in reality she just wanted to hear his voice, and him watching her from the garden that he tends to in secret even after their split were two of my favorite scenes in the movie. Both scenes show us the characters struggling with and overcoming the mortifying ordeal of being known, in order to win the prize that is love and affection.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the com part of this romcom, the comedic reveals were well-timed and always hit their mark. I was a bit irritated by Robbie running around trying to win his babysitter’s heart with grand gestures, but then later I watched Cal hijack his son’s middle school graduation (???) for his grand gesture, so I can’t be too mad at Robbie for working with the genetic knowledge he’s given. I also see why Third likes this movie that houses a reformed hoe, and a lot of scenes where characters confess their love for another. But I am also confident that Third (at this point in the show) had missed the nuances in the themes of the movie, on the value of earnestness in relationships (@bengiyo)

Now, I’ll be honest with y’all: I got got by this episode. I did not remember the exact series of events that unfolds in episode 4 of Theory of Love, and I got thoroughly hoodwinked by the romantic vibes. My brain realized what was about to happen just as Third walked towards the bathroom where he overheard Khai and Bone discussing the results of their scheme, designed to expose Third’s feelings for Khai. I remember feeling so surprised, betrayed, and nauseated on Third’s behalf when I first watched this scene, and I felt those same emotions again during rewatch. Khai and Bone were extremely in the wrong for playing this game on their friend, and the anger and betrayal Third feels is extremely understandable. It is also very relatable because, well, this is the flip side of being vulnerable and open to experiences in life. You run the risk of getting your heart trampled by assholes and their asshole behavior.

I like that we watched Crazy, Stupid; Love with this episode because the film begins with a betrayal that shakes a 20-year long marriage, and we watch Cal and Emily make more mistakes, scream at each other, and then finally find a way to work towards a path of reconciliation. Theory of Love episode 4 ends with a betrayal that shakes a one-sided infatuation that’s been precariously hiding behind a friendship, involving two people who have very different understanding of the place they hold in each other’s lives, and we know that neither of them are capable of discussing and working their way through this fuck-up with any emotional maturity whatsoever. I am so looking forward to tomorrow’s episode, and this week’s romcom pick, 10 Things I Hate About You.

[impala124]

Theory of love Episode 2: You belong with me

It's Love actually week, and I'm sorry but I can't watch this movie again. I have a vivid memory of watching it for the first time when I was 12 on cable and thinking that there was something deeply wrong about this particular storyline, not that the others are any better.

If my 12-year old self, the one that was very much into The Notebook, found something problematic, I don't want to relive that experience again, but some brave souls aka @lurkingshan and @solitaryandwandering did write about the film while giving it the ass whooping it rightly deserves. @bengiyo actually found some nice things to say about the film, which is a feat in itself.

Takeaways from Episode 2:

As happy as I am for Third that someone else knows about his unrequited love for Khai, Two's response kinda baffled me. Let me explain -- Third was ready to thrown in the towel, albiet half-heartedly, but Two encouraged him to go on and confess his feelings by saying that Khai's never been in love before and what if he's the one Khai was waiting for? That sounds real delulu, given the fact that Khai has never given them any indication to support this sentiment. The only way his words make any sense (for me) are looking at Two as coming from a heterosexual male perspective.

Khai is a not a bad friend. Third keeps setting himself up for failure. Remember when Third lets us know that Khai lets only his lovers sit on his bike and still asks Khai, if he could sit on it, only to get rejected? Yeah, Third suffering is self-inflicted. Khai has never given him any indication that he would ever see Third in an romantic light. There is no bread crumbing from Khai's side. The tragedy is that because Third is so caught up in his romantic feelings for Khai, he can't even appreciate the moments of genuine care Khai shows towards him. Case in point, Khai is aware that Third doesn't like to cry infront of him, so he pretends to not see it. I have more to say about Third's performative masculinity, but I'll probably save it for a later date.

Third has a reason to be afraid of his feelings disrupting their friendship. Third knows that his confession of romantic love wouldn't be received as such by Khai and he was quick to take the out Khai gave after the disastrous non-confession because that's what Khai did in his imaginary sequence of recreating You're my Mt. Everest scene -- Third confesses to Khai and imagines Khai using those words on Milk. Even in an made-up scenario in his head, he can't imagine his feelings being reciprocated.

I hope they get a personality transplant at some point, because never have I ever not shipped two people together to this extent in a bl before.

[lurkingshan]

Theory of Love Episode 4: Crazy Stupid Love

Finally, a decent movie! Crazy Stupid Love is a solidly written film with a ridiculously talented cast, and while there are not really any direct character parallels to Third like in previous films, I can see why its themes would speak to him. A brief synopsis of the movie:

Cal is a middle-aged family man whose wife Emily suddenly announces that she cheated on him and wants a divorce. This sends him into a tailspin until he meets Jacob, a local hoe who has perfected his routine for hitting on women, who decides to help Cal rebuild his confidence. Cal gets into hookup culture but is still miserably pining for his ex wife, Emily tries to move on but can't let go of Cal, and Jacob meets Hannah, who breaks through his player persona and changes his perspective on relationships. Meanwhile, Cal's son Robbie inappropriately tries to pursue his babysitter Jessica, while Jessica has her (far too young) eyes on Cal. In the end, Cal and Emily are still separated, but everyone's emotions are out in the open and there's hope they may reconcile.

The film believes that earnest expressions of love are always worthwhile and can change people, and also that feeling deep love for someone when your feelings are not mutual can be a torment. I can see both of these ideas speaking to Third, and I think there are multiple characters in the film that he can connect to in some way. Cal, who is pining for the person he believes is his soulmate. Robbie and Jessica, who are both hopelessly in love with someone they can never have, but can't seem to let go. Jacob, who meets someone who takes over his brain and steals all his attention. But most of all, I think Third would want to see himself in Hannah, the girl who shook Jacob up so much that he stopped playing around and fell in love.

And in this episode, Third starts to get a taste of that reality, only to have the rug cruelly pulled out from under him when he realizes Khai has been intentionally testing him to figure out his feelings. The episode is constructed to bring us along with Third as Khai's behavior toward him suddenly becomes more attentive and solicitous. Third struggles with himself as he begins to believe Khai's feelings for him are changing in the way he hoped, and also tries not to let himself believe it. We wonder right alongside Third what's driving the change in Khai's behavior and start letting our guard down, only to have it revealed that this is all a scheme Bone and Khai cooked up because Bone thinks Third likes Khai, and Khai wants to prove that he doesn't.

There's no defending this behavior: Khai is wrong to test Third in this way, no matter what he believes is true (and Bone is also an asshole for suggesting and encouraging it). To try to trick his friend into revealing something about himself, including things about his sexuality that he has every right to keep private, is horrifying, and Khai shouldn't have done it. He is telling himself there's no harm done because he's just confirming what he already wants to believe--that Third doesn't like him like that--but there's a big element to this that is more about assuaging Khai's own fear and anxiety, and he's prioritizing that over being decent to Third. If nothing else, being messed with and manipulated this way is humiliating and hurtful, and Third deserves much better treatment from his best friend.

That said, I like the way this scheme between Khai and Bone parallels the way Third and Two have been scheming in the previous couple episodes; Bone begins to suspect Third's feelings because of all of Third's attempts to get Khai's attention without actually confessing. All of these boys need to grow up and talk to each other rather than playing these games, and it's telling that Third and Khai were both led down this stupid path of manipulation and lies based on advice from their mutual friends. These dudes are simply not equipped to be helping each other through these emotionally complex situations. Their behavior feels right for emotionally immature young men fueled by toxic masculinity, but lord do I want to give them all a good slap.

This is the first time in this story that Third's anger feels proportional to what Khai did, and I appreciate that the way the episode is shot and framed makes it feel different than his previous self-inflicted sadness. Crazy Stupid Love is a smartly constructed movie that intentionally holds back information and uses surprise reveals to reframe character interactions and relationships in crucial moments, and I love that the show borrowed from that style for this episode. As a result, we experience the same emotional whiplash that Third does, and his sense of betrayed anguish at the end lands much stronger than any previous iteration we've seen from him. I continue to be really impressed with how the show is using these films to inform the themes and construction of the story for each episode, it's well done.

[heartbreakblda]

🔷️ Your “I’m Feeling Blue” BL 🔷️

You are feeling weird today. It’s not really sad, but not happy either. I guess you are just feeling blue. A bit melancholic and seeing the most happy couple together, is the furthest from your mind.

💎🔷️💎

Theory Of Love (Thailand)

Third has been in love with his best friend Khai forever. But unfortunately is Khai not just incredibly oblivious, no. He is also the biggest playboy known to men, well, women. 😳 Can Khai find his way, before things are too late?

Get some tissues ready or a baseball bat. 🤪🥸🙈 Depending if you anger easily or tear up easily. This show will do stuff to your feelings. But all ends well here.

💎🔷️💎

Dark Blue And Moonlight (Taiwan)

When Yan Fei almost drowns at a pool, he gets rescued by a good looking man. They have a short but intense run in, but due to circumstances they loose sight of each other again. Can time bring these two star crossed lovers together again?

This is a love story that shows that sometimes love is just not enough for a happy relationship. Timing is also rather important. If this ends happily depends if you watch the special or not.

💎🔷️💎

Night Flight (South Korea)

It's hard to believe. But nerd Yong Ji and local youth gang leader Gi Wong used to be best friends. But these times are long gone and while Yong Ji still tries to keep the connection alive, Gi Wong would love nothing more than to forget Yong Ji even exists. But in the middle of betrayal, violence and tears, both boys seem to find something they didn't expect.

This movie comes with a warning. Because the violence in there is no joke. There is also sexual violence. So be warned. It’s an unusual love story and it’s up to you if you believe it's a happy or sad ending.

💎🔷️💎

Until We Meet Again (Thailand)

When Pharm and Dean meet, they can feel an instant pull towards each other. Little do they know they are binded by a tragic past. Can they overcome all their past trauma and make it work this time around?

Everything starts with a bang. And what a tragic one this is. It’s really nothing for the faint of heart. Yes, there is a lot of sweetness and love in here, but there is also a ton of hurt and tragedy.

💎🔷️💎

The Eclipse (Thailand)

A student joins a new school to find out the reasons for his own family’s tragedy. During his investigations he stumbles over something so much worse than he ever could have imagined. And when he finds one of the believed culprits he understands that he is just another victim of the same system.

Does this sound cryptic? Awesome, then it’s absolutely correct for this series. The Eclipse is A LOT more than just another school BL. They finally allowed Khaotung off his leash here and together with First he just acts a storm together.

💎🔷️💎

The Promise (Thailand)

After years and years together Nan wakes up to an empty shared flat and his best friend since childhood Phu simply has disappeared without as much as a word. All his searches end up fruitless. But when Phu suddenly stands in front of Nan again, things just get even more complicated. Years of hurt and sadness are difficult to overcome.

This is such an underrated gem. So much sorrow and anxiety, but it’s just so, so good. The lead couple has a very good rapport with each other and a shout out to an awesome granny in the show. 😊

[offlying-turtles]

new rules, dua lipa

[poochiray]

10 OffGun-ish fics you should read

So I’m coming up on my anniversary soon. This month it’s been a year since my first OffGun story I’ve published. Within this year, I’ve read and wrote a ton of OffGun. So I thought I’d celebrate the occasion by recognizing some of my favorites from the fandom. These are not really in any particular order, so please keep that in mind. I’m not ranking one over the other. And each story has its own special things I like about them. Some of my favorite tropes I tend to gravitate towards are slow burn, pining, angst, smut, humor, switching (be it sexual position or partner), happy endings, & getting together stories. Almost all of these stories have a couple of these things in them. So without further ado, the list~

1) Picking Flowers by allourheroes | 13.3k, Explicit, Pick/Rome

Ya’ll, it was so hard to pick a story by this author. I like a lot of their stories and honestly anything you read by them is going to slam. But there are two stories I think back on even months later. This is one of them. The synopsis of this story is that Pick (as a veterinarian) sometimes has to take care of supernatural creatures. And as such, he comes across a half-pixie named Rome. It’s just such a unique take on Pick/Rome and even though it’s a fantasy AU, their personalities still shine through. It’s cute, romantic, a little angsty, and honestly I remember it being a little slow burn too. Just a very very cute story and definitely worth the read.

2) our hands speak for us by Rioana | 12.1k, Explicit, Off/Gun

K this author has three works, and honestly you should read all of them. I’m not even kidding here. Rioana just gets Gun. Her first story is basically an extensive character study on Gun and as you read through it, you just accept it as reality. Her stories just make sense as plausible explanations, and the same can be said for our hands speak for us. The premise of this story is set during Puppy Honey era, and Gun casually decides to give Off a blowjob to get him to be more comfortable to work with. Then things go from there. I won’t spoil it too much, but be forewarned, Off is not painted in the best light here. This is during his earlier filming career with Gun. As such, there is real situations referenced and the whole thing feels like we’re just going back in time. It’s very real. But very good. 

3) A Savage Gang by piningbisexuals | 53.4k, Explicit, Khai/Third

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but this is my favorite Theory of Love story. It’s definitely a darker, more gritty tale. This was inspired by the Not Me trailer and what resulted was an amazing story where the Savage Gang are actually...well, a gang. There’s drugs, there’s sex, there’s the typical Third pining over Khai. It has everything I ever wanted in a story and the slow burn is just ughhh. So well done. This is a story that sticks around and stays in your head for weeks later. If you’re going to read any Theory of Love story, read this one.

4) make a wish by Feyrelynn | 7.7k, Explicit, Off/Gun

This was the very first OffGun story I bookmarked, so it kinda has a special place in my heart. I’d been dabbling in the fandom, going absolutely feral over edits of these two clingy men, and then I stumbled across this story and that was pretty much it for me. This is a birthday fic, with a very simple concept. Off places a wish on his birthday to see what life would be like if he was really with Gun. And then he gets his glimpse into that reality. Short, simple, and adorably sexy.

5) Provocation by hedgielettuce | 5k, Explicit, Third/Khai

Ok, if you are at all familiar with the things I write/read, this one won’t come as any shock to people on why it’s listed here. This is by far the sexiest Theory of Love story I’ve ever read. And why? Because this author embraces BOSSY THIRD. One of the reasons I love Third so much is because he calls the shots. He instills fear into his hot shot playboy boyfriend. He’s not playing.  And this story expands on it, going so far as to show a jealous dom side to Third that makes perfect sense and leaves Khai in shambles.    

6) love and eggs are best when they are fresh by pancakelady | 10.7k, Teen, Sean/White

Making this list made me realize I’m sorely lacking on Sean/White stories to recommend lmao. I think the reason being is that I just love their canon story so much. So, I don’t feel the need to read more about them? Does that make any sense? I dunno. But either way, this story stuck out more than any other for this particular pairing. It’s the classic high school AU where they are partnered to take care of a “child” for a school project. The “child” being an egg. This is just a very fucking cute story and pretty wholesome too. I think it’s the only story not rated E that I’ll be reccing, so there ya go haha. 

7) The Initiation Series by pallidvixen | 30k+, Explicit, Pick Your Not Me Pairing, it’s all there

Now for the complete opposite of wholesome because I’m fucked up like that lmao. Wow. What’s there to say about this one? Well, for one, it’s a series. You have to read each story because it gradually builds up and gets crazier as it goes. But the basic premise is that Gumpa has an initiation ceremony that all the members of the gang must undergo to prove their loyalty and devotion to the cause. The ceremony? Group sex. It’s everyone fucking everyone. Gumpa with big dom energy, Black just pissed off and not wanting to be there, Gram being an eager fluffer for Black, Sean the virgin, Yok the slut...it’s just. It’s so fucking amazing. And shocking. And I could write so much more but I’ll stop. I get it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but ya’ll. This is the story I think about more than any other, it’s so fucking messed up and perfect.

8) Meant to Be by lililyyli | 76k, Explicit, Maetee/T-Rex

Ya’ll. I have a specific need, and it’s more of this pairing. I started this story because on the word count alone, ngl. Finding longer OffGun stories in general is such a rare treat. But to have one for this pairing too? Sign me the fuck up. The plot on this one was super cute too. Maetee has magical powers and is an exorcist, meanwhile T-Rex is a demon. Together they run into each other as kids and grow up as friends. Things happen, they part ways. They come back as adults and slowly fall in love with each other. I just remember binge reading this entire story in a day, it was so interesting and cute and lovely. And I still think about Maetee getting to dress up as a princess.

9) How Old My Heart by Xagan | 44.3k, Mature, Khai/Third

Ok one of my favorite tropes to read is pining. The thing is with this story is that all the pining is off screen. It's in the background. And it's fucking brilliant. As the reader, you get to piece it all together. You get to watch Khai wait and wait, always playing off as this fuckboy friend. You get to watch Third fall in and out of love with someone else. You then finally get to watch them both come together and create something beautiful, only for one to think it's all casual, the other not. It's a slow burn story, but well worth the read, and the ending was just perfect.

10) there’s a word for it by smyx | 8.7k, Explicit, Yok/Everyone

Lol so this story isn't even technically OffGun focused. This author has written some spicy stories that do feature more OG pairings, but, y'all. This story has a special place in my heart and there's a reason I'm reccing it over the others. It has charm. It is hilarious. Yok is basically a flirty slut who works his way around the gang. Yet in the end, he ends up attempting a threesome with SeanWhite and lol. It's so bad. I just like how sometimes the sex isn't omg amazingly mind-blowing. There is a realness there that I appreciated reading. And Yok's casual approach was just adorable and had me roaring with laughter throughout.

💚 If you've gotten to the end, thanks for reading my list! I'll probably be creating a new list for next year. Drop your recs in the comments! I'm always looking forward to reading new content of OffGun and their associated ships. 💚

[absolutebl]

Hey! I have two questions to ask you if you don't mind! Sorry for pestering you with kinda stuff but you are real insightful and help me to sort out my own internal feelings on things!

Is it just me or do very, VERY few BL's ever manage to stick an engaging,solid ending?

Out of all the BL's I've watched, the only ones I can name that truly nailed the ending imo are:

- HIStory 3: Trapped (imo. I know the ambiguity isn't appealing to you.)

- Bad Buddy

- My Beautiful Man

- His (The Movie)

- Blueming (The series itself is rife with pacing issues to me, but I think it stuck the ending really good.)

- Gaya Sa Pelikula

Some can come close enough for me;

- Theory of Love (yeah, yeah, I hate Khai too but the ending was nice imo)

- ITSAY/IPYTM

- TMS1 (suffers a bit from the HDS's consistent struggle with pacing towards the latter end of all her work )

- Old Fashion Cupcake (so close!!!)

- Restart After Come Back Home

- Cherry Magic

Most BL's introduce nonsense conflicts towards the end of the series with the Epsiode 11 drama (shivers in 2gether). I can't stand it when the final conflict comes out of LITERALLY nowhere instead of having been a continued issue that is resolved towards the end (think Cherry Magic, Utsukushii Kare, Bad Buddy, etc.)

Going further, they never seem...satisfying for whatever reason and I can't pinpoint why that is. I'm not necessarily left wanting more but feel like what I was given was unsatisfactory. Think a more subtle version of the feeling of seeing Vee/Maek end up together in the En of Love version (or Khai/Third for you I guess).

I wonder looking at it now if my hatred for the seme/uke trope has spoilt so many couples for me that I find any ending where they get together as unsatisfactory (I love The Effect btw. Can you guess why lmao?). All the shows in my best list are either very low on Seme/uke dynamics or have a very soft seme archetype (Blueming) / very unique seme archetype (MBM).

God I should just get over this contempt of seme/uke fuckery. Its ruined so much for me (from WBL, to UWMA).

Know how? Also, is there any particular reason you see as for why BL's fail to stick the landing? Or am I making this up?

Second question is simple. Why do BL couples often become boring when they get together and are happy? Is it just that the chase is over? And if so, what can be done to keep such a story engaging if anything at all?

Now that I read this back, it definitely isn't two questions as much as a set of compound ones but eh, here goes nothing.

Is my unhinged ranting coherent at all?

Honestly you named a lot of ones that I dinged points specifically because I didn’t like their endings. Old Fashion Cupcake and Cherry Magic would probubly have been 10/10 for me if the characters had just kissed at the end. And I say this totally aware of Japanese cinematic traditions that dictated why they wouldn’t, I’m just grumpy. 

To answer the second question first:

Why do BL couples often become boring when they get together and are happy? Is it just that the chase is over? And if so, what can be done to keep such a story engaging if anything at all?

Yes. This is the problem every romance series contends with. This is why most romances end with the couple getting together (sex, engagement, marriage), This is why I don’t like second seasons, they usually have to separate or break up the couple to give the story tension. 

And now... your unhinged ranting!

It makes perfect sense, and I think you either 

don't really like 3 act structure (did you watch a lot of anime growing up, per chance? maybe not so much (or really dislike) Disney stuff?) or, 

more likely, you don't actually like romance.

Not the idea of romance, but the classic romance novel beats and pacing. The Taiwanese and Thai stuff in particular tends to stick to that consistently. (Hence the ep 11 crisis of doom, AKA the unnecessary break up.)

Korea has a western romance aesthetic but they often shoe-horn in 4 act structure, which is why we get that (to me) super weird disjointed thing in Kdramas where they break up the couple (or separate them with time/distance) in the last 1/3 of the final episode and the rush this odd reunion thing in the last 10 minutes. I find this maddening, but it does mean that their non-BL billed and early gay short stuff might appeal to you. 

You don't mention it but Thousand Stars is probubly the most classically paced and executed romance novel in BL form that we have ever gotten. How’d you feel about that ending. I’d also be interested in your thoughts on Seven Days (of course) as that’s Japan’s version of the perfect love story. 

I think you probubly like more experimental narratives and arthouse cinema styles. I’d encourage you to check out short form BL, especially those from Strongberry (Korea) on GaGa. Also Dark BL depending on your squick factor. 

But honestly from what you said it seems like you’re a prime candidate for the following:

Moody Arthouse Smackdoodle

Your Name Engraved Herein (Taiwan 2020 Netflix) - this movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing, it’s a self acceptance journey, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it. It’s nto a super sad ending, it’s not happy either. 

Goodbye Mother AKA Thua Me Con D (Vietnam 2019 Netflix) - like YNEH this is a great movie but it deals openly with homophobia, bashing, family trauma and social acceptance.

The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese AKA Kyuso wa Chizu no Yume wo Miru (Japan 2020) - obsession, cheating, breakup, reunion, then break up again, explicit, grey characters and grey concepts including morality. 

Pornographer movie series - AKA The Novelist, Mood Indigo, Pornographer Playback (Japan 2018-2020) emotional manipulation, cheating, obsession, seduction, May/December (age gap AKA younger/older), kink, touch of necrophilia, explicit, complicated but ultimately... not sad.  

Method (Korea 2017) - May/December, actor idol pairing, that should have been everything I wanted in life but it’s more about the actor cheating on his wife and their weird “artsy” relationship and frankly, I hated this. And I don’t say that lightly. The chemistry and acting can’t be faulted though and the story is... interesting. 

His the series AKA I Didn’t Think I Would Fall In Love (Japan 2019) - boy goes to visit his absent father ends up kinda homeless on the beach gets adopted by local family falls in love with the boy working and living with them. Lots of long drawn out glances. Wistfully pretty. 

Innocent (Taiwan 2021 GaGa) - mental health, childhood trauma, actually kinda sweet.

Does the Flower Bloom? (Japan 2018) - this is a May/December romance about an artist student and the house he inherits from his recently dead parents and all the people around him who are obsessed with him, including an older man. 

Dark Blue and Moonlight (Taiwan 2017) - maybe? You like some of my least favorites, so this might be your thing. I sure as shit wasn’t mine but also it HAD ME HOOKED even though I didn’t want that. It’s the warped version of a CEO romance. 

Also the “it’s a BL but I make no case for it” category: 

Life: Love on the Line (Japan) - you would probubly NOT like the directer’s cut (which I prefer, of course) that ending is too saccharine, so go for the original. 

Silhouette of Your Voce (Japan) You are one of the few people I think would really like this one. 

Not Me (Thailand) - you don’t mention it but I assume you’ve seen it 

Manner of Death (Thailand) - same 

3 Will be Free (Thailand) - same, if not, watch this next  

What Did You Eat Yesterday? (Japan) - there is not plot, so yeah, maybe that’ll work for ya? 

Long Time No See (Korea) - SO GOOD, but edgy and twisted too 

DNA Says Love You (Taiwan) - maybe. This one is... odd and oddly paced. 

Joujou Pure Heart (Japan 2010) 

Great Men Academy (Thailand) 

Oh right and the bromance dirty half dozen:

Untamed

Word of Honor 

The Guardian 

Devil Judge 

SCI Mysteries 

All of these have ambiguous ends, and ambiguous (cough cough not gay)  relationships. 

[bossthebicon]

ranking every off jumpol’s roles

so I’ve wanted to do this for a while! as the tumblr off queen who has seen practically all of his roles, I feel qualified to do this even though of course this is 1000% biased.

anyways first of all, the roles I haven’t seen (if I get to see them one day I will of course add them to the ranking):

little big dream: it’s only half subbed...

wifi society: the horror home. it’s sadly not subbed

love songs: still single: not subbed either

bangkok love stories: keep love. again not subbed

cat tv radio s2: not subbed or findable anywhere...

okay now let’s get into the meat of this random ass post lmao, the actual ranking!!! I will take three things into account: the showcasing of his acting, the writing of his character, and the cuteness/lovely factor of the character

1. sean (not me)

so after years of khai being my favorite character of all time & specifically my favorite character of all time... he has to share the spotlight with sean. I’m literally incapable of choosing my favorite between sean & khai bc they’re both so special to me in incredibly different ways, BUT... the reason why I’m listing sean first is bc I do believe not me to be a more important and better executed show overall. sean truly is also undoubtedly off’s best acting performance, on top of being one of the best acting I’ve ever seen in thai dramas PERIOD. the writing for sean is incredibly layered & he has so much depth to his character, while all the struggles & pain he goes through makes him a character you can’t help but root for, which really departs from other off characters that are less overwhelmingly likable. the writing of the show truly makes him the most special character that has graced my screen with khai, and words cannot express how much I’m happy & grateful this role & character exist!

acting: 1000/ 10. writing: 12/10. cuteness: 10/10

1. khai (theory of love & the tol special)

listen, khai is not only the best character off got to play, he’s the best character PERIOD. now I know he’s extremely polarizing but let me explain why I adore him. despite being meant to be hated on the first sight, khai’s first introduction is him being adorable and sending third a kiss as well as a ‘love you.’ we also see him constantly interrupting third when he films his reviews. this introduction scene establishes three things: khai is self-centered, khai is quirky & cute, & khai is loving. and these character traits are only gonna expand during the rest of the show. khai is this kind of intensely flawed characters who are just trying their best. at first he comes off as an accidental fuckboy: he’s attracted to many women who all pursue him. he dates them & then realizes they’re not meant for him (meaning he’s a terrible boyfriend & them complaining about it annoys him so he breaks it off.) and the circle of fuckboyery continues. but it’s never shown that khai does it with any ill-intent. it’s only when he decides to knowingly become a fuckboy who only has sex bc he’s tired of break ups that a more cruel side of him appears, only to disappear quickly as khai falls in love with third.  for me I never hated khai even one second, from the first ep to the last bc his bad actions were compensated by him being a dumbass & doing them without ill-intent. also he has the character development of the decade. and that’s what I love about him, he’s incredibly flawed from the beginning to the end yet those flaws do evolve towards a much softer, understanding & generally better person.

acting: 10/ 10. writing: 10/10. cuteness: 1000/10

2. ten (cooking crush)

if you asked me which off character I’d want to date, I would answer ten without any hesitation lol. he is like the ONLY off character who doesn’t have any red flag, and also the glasses make him even cuter <3 ten is just... such a cutie. he’s nerdy but also confident, respectful but also thirsty af, and probably the most DOWN BAD, loyal boyfriend ever (after maybe sean in his heartbroken era lol.) ten is just SUCH a good love interest and is not afraid to be a little ridiculous for love. he carried cooking crush & is literally the cutest bean, I love him so much! I’m so so so happy off got to portray him :)

acting: 9/10. writing: 9/10. cuteness: 12/10

3. krathing (girl next room)

krathing was MADE for off. because while I’m sure off can slay any type of role, it is certain that he has such an ease with dorky but still emotionally intelligent & complex characters, probably because this is the kind of roles he’s been given the most. and krathing is so PERFECT for him: he’s over the top, hilarious, pining, jealous, has daddy issues... and it’s really a shame that richy rich isn’t a full length show because he could’ve been even more iconic if he was more developed. that being said his development on the show is already so good for only 4 episodes, and he’s the only love interest in girl next room that managed to be as interesting as the main character.

acting: 9/10. writing: 9/10. cuteness: 10/10

4. zen (fabulous 30)

zen??? is lovely. he’s a huge piner, a dork, a bicon... he’s that kind of side character who steals the show super hard because he’s so much more interesting than the main one (sorry mond baby, forgive me). I also love that despite being a huge dork he still is highly intelligent and emotional.

acting: 9/10. writing: 8/10. cuteness: 10/10

5. mote (midnight motel)

mote is far from the off character who shines the most, but in a way off shines in that role the most bc he managed to play on the more subtles aspects of mote while obviously OWNING the funny & quirky parts of his character. it was also so pleasant to get a more morally gray character in such a well produced & executed show, and his performance was *chef’s kiss*!

acting: 10/10. writing: 9/10. cuteness: 8/10

6. maetee (I’m tee me too)

not to be shady & biased................. but being shady & biased lmao, he really was the best character of the whole show. he certainly was the funniest & the cutest, and I also feel like his storyline with his mom could’ve legit been turned into a much bigger drama bc it was really interesting? the acting was great, he was hot as always. the only thing I disliked was how they made him the ‘disgusting’ one with a lot of fart & poop jokes, which... can those die please? we’re not five anymore nor does this show cater to five years old. apart from that maetee is yet another proud bisexual character (don’t argue with me) & I love him. protect at all costs.

acting: 8/10. writing: 7/10. cuteness: 10/10

7. por (wolf)

listen por was a fucking asshole........... yet such a loveable one??? like I truly believe off’s strength is making asshole characters into adorable ones bc I loved por sooooo much & was actually into his character development until it was ruined by the last few eps of the show. also off in glasses will always make me emo so por gains points for that!!!

acting: 8/10. writing: 6/10. cuteness: 10/10

8. plu (10 years ticket)

I love plu so much, and I loved all three of his storylines, be it his grandma having dementia (which touched me especially since I went through the same thing), him being forced into an illegal business, & him being the third wheel in yet another love triangle yet handling it perfectly. off especially acted so perfectly as him, especially in the more emotional scenes, but... sorry but plu has no personality lol. outside of his storylines, he’s quite bland, which is why he’s not higher. still love my little bland boi tho <3

acting: 9/10. writing: 8/10. cuteness: 6/10.

9. pine (the jungle)

pine is perhaps one of the most intriguing off characters, mostly due to how underdeveloped he is (despite being literally the most developed character of the show which says a lot lol.) pine is supposed to be a fuckboy, deals with some illegal stuff, etc. but is at his core a crazy loving and loyal character, who will protect the ones he loves fearlessly. off was also SUPER HOT in this, and while I wish this show had been better written and executed, off and his love story was undoutedly the best part of it.

acting: 8/10. writing: 7/10. cuteness: 8/10.

10. pick / rome (our skyy)

looking back while khai is the role that made me a stan, our skyy is the show that showed me off’s potential. him acting as rome & playing in his strength of being adorable???? best decision ever! no but truly he is so cute as rome & I really thought he nailed the gun facial expressions. this was a really lovely role!

acting: 7/10. writing: 7/10. cuteness: 10/10

11. pat (46 days)

so pat is by far off’s most mature character. like the dude is a doctor, he’s got his shit together, he’s calm & collected... the complete opposite of all of his other roles lmao. that being said, they still managed to slip in character traits that are in every off jumpol’s role like being a playboy, screaming a lot, being scared of ghosts... at this point they’re doing it on purpose lmao :’) but anyway pat is like... THE dream guy tbh, even him being a playboy is abandoned almost as soon as he enters the story. he’s loyal, mature, not pushy at all (a first for an off character lol), and frankly kinda the mvp of the whole show. I just love him a lot & I’m so glad off FINALLY got a role that changes from his others!

acting: 8/10. writing: 7/10. cuteness: 8/10

12. thawin (girl 2k)

thawin is a role I’m very mixed about, bc on the one hand the show was really mediocre & the writing was really bad, but on the other hand I loved off in that role. first of all he’s SO FUCKING HOT IN A SUIT!!! but also VILLAIN OFF!!! I loved how perfect he seemed for most of the show, only to show his true colors in the end. and off did so well! he looks almost inhuman for most of the show bc thawin is trying so hard to look normal, but when he becomes mean his facial expressions were on POINT! so even though girl 2k is really not my fave show, I gotta be honest in saying that thawin, even though he’s again a player, a misogynist & just a shit person in general... kinda has a piece of my heart lol :’)

acting: 8/10. writing: 5/10. cuteness: 8/10.

13.  ron (fai sin chua)

ron is probably off’s most fucked up up character. he’s a loser who struggles for money & was abandonned by his mother. he does drugs often & has a complicated relationship with his brother. by the end of the show, his life isn’t much better. he’s also not a very good person, being paid to seduce ploy’s character and ruin her reputation. though ron didn’t have many scenes, he’s a very sympathetic character & actually probably off’s character who gets the most sympathy from the writers, when usually let’s be honest they’re not very nice to him lol. and I really liked him. off was great at showing how lost & confused ron is and he had very cute moments. also his bff being played by arm was really cute & made me happy :) I’d say my biggest issue with this character is just how underdeveloped he is. his storyline is very complex & would have deserved to be the main one of the show, but it wasn’t. so he sadly ends up being a quite forgettable character. a very interesting & cute one though.

acting: 8/10. writing: 7/10. cuteness: 6/10

14. sun (chuamong tong mon)

so I went into this show expecting off to have the smallest cameo role & no character development whatsoever... WHAT I DIDN’T EXPECT IS FOR HIM TO BE A CONFIRMED MLM WITH A BL SHIP!!! at first sun is kind of this okay brother to the female lead who defends her from her evil stepmother & stepsister but also doesn’t have much of a backbone bc he lets his sister work on her own to support the four of them. HOWEVER, we learn later that his sister was the one who insisted on him not working so he could focus on his studies, and that when the family was in big financial problems he got a job behind his sister’s back to help out. apart from that sun has a very strong personality & would do anything to defend his sister, including joining his company’s trip to protect her from a colleague he thinks is trying to take advantage of her (when in reality that colleague is gay.) but things don’t turn out that way when sun realizes HE’s the one who is falling for that colleague, who is justin played by leo saussay. their relationship develops through friendship at first but it’s clear pretty much since day 1 that they like each other. in the end, justin, who was a gay closeted model, comes out publicly with sun as his boyfriend & they become a shipped couple, leading to both happiness in love for them & fame. and like??? wow. when I say every off jumpol’s character is bi I didn’t expect that there was a role like that I hadn’t seen yet. sun is a babe & I love him with all my heart. the reason he’s not higher is that he wasn’t as developed as the characters above him & off’s acting and cuteness weren’t as good. but I love him nonetheless!

acting: 7/10. writing: 7/10. cuteness: 7/10

15. bright (sotus/sotus s)

bright is yet another biconic role for off, and I can’t believe he was in the very first thai series I ever watched & I didn’t pay any attention to him jifdnhbcjihbd!!! while bright is very much a background character & kind of an asshole sometimes (a theme for off’s characters, I tell you) bc of the hazers’ mentality, he was honestly the funniest character & I always appreciated his little background story of having dated kongpob’s senior in the past, idk it added something for me. what I’m saying is that it’s not his best character at all BUT it definitely is such a pleasure to see him in this show every time I rewatch it :)

acting: 7/10. writing: 6/10. cuteness: 7/10.

16. li tang (u-prince: the ambitious boss)

idk if I’ve made it clear, but I love villains / not very nice characters, and li tang is just THAT. he’s not the villain of the story per say, but he’s a mysognistic asshole so like he might as well be. yet...... (and that’s where my off bias comes through & shoves my feminism aside) he was kinda cute in it??? like for a brief moment I kinda rooted for him, ngl. bc while he ended up being toxic af, I do believe he liked mook’s character a lot & he had good intentions. and again he always manages to make assholest cute, what can I say. also him getting captured & beat up by the mafia fuels my best dreams I live for it jfddijchrejicbdiuc!!!

acting: 7/10. writing: 6/10. cuteness: 6/10.

17. tankhun (astrophile)

sigh... after a really solid start for tankhun in astrophile, sadly the writing & execution of the show did NOT come through for him. tankhun is an absolutely useless character, even though he’s included in every promotional material for the show as a main character. he’s just a prop for some VERY minor drama & that’s it. the worst of it all, though, is that he was only given sad moments FOR NO FUCKING REASONNNNN. this whole show was just torturing poor off & his audience from beginning to end lol. he did great, as he always do, but even his great acting & handsomeness couldn’t save this mess of a show.

acting: 9/10. writing: 1/10. cuteness: 7/10

18. puen (room alone)

for his very first role,,,,, puen is honestly quite a good character. the biggest problem for him (and the whole show, honestly he might be the best character in it) is that he’s quite inconsistent. I did really enjoy off’s acting though, considering it was his first role. he has a really convincing crying scene in season one and he had a few cute moments in season 2. amongst a really mediocre show & again for his first role I was extremely impressed. puen can stay!

acting: 7/10. writing: 6/10. cuteness: 4/10.

19. pick (puppy honey)

I’ve said many times that I just don’t love pick as a character (which would probably disappoint off, whoops). I don’t hate him at all, I do think he has a few good moments, but it’s always funny to me that one of off’s worst roles in my opinion is the one that kickstarted his career. for me pick is yet another asshole character, but for the first time off’s cuteness just doesn’t come through to save the day. he’s an asshole, and that’s it. he’s got a couple jealous moments & then he rescues rome but that’s basically the extent of the decent part of his character. I just think this role not being his best is a culmination of a lot of things: him not being the most comfortable with a bl role at the time, offgun’s chemistry being legit 0.1% of what it is today, and the writing being quite wonky for pickrome as a couple. so yeah I don’t hate him, but I don’t like him either lol.

acting: 7/10. writing: 6/10. cuteness: 3/10.

20. off (love from outta space) 

now we’re getting into special appearances & stuff like that but frankly off in this commercial was adorable. him scared of gun? gold. him getting sick? adorable. him sleeping on gun’s knees? diamond in the rough. I’ve said it before but I wish this commercial could’ve been a movie bc the story was really interesting & offgun pulled it well!

acting: 8/10. writing: 8/10. cuteness: 10/10.

21. jet (club sapan fine 2)

jet is just... khai without the charm & character development tbh lol, and even dumber :’))) off did fine, but tbh bc his character has almost no redeeming quality & I hate how they styled his hair in that role, soooooo... yeah...

acting: 8/10. writing: 3/10. cuteness: 5/10

22. dentist assistant (teenage mom)

listen, off making a sexual innendo & being totally gone for a sort of dom!gun was sooo refreshing. apart from that this cameo is literally 4 minutes long so there’s not much more to say lol

acting: 7/10. writing: 7/10. cuteness: 7/10

23. ? (cornetto love expert)

he played a popular jock and I??? approve wholeheartedly. apart from that he’s cute af but barely has any lines so it’s hard to judge his acting

acting: 7/10. writing: 6/10. cuteness: 9/10

24. ? (the shipper)

he was there for 5 seconds but 1) that was a cute ass offgun moment & he looked whipped and 2) he was in the same vicinity as ohm pawat & idk it makes me happy

acting: too short to judge. writing: ???. cuteness: 9/10

25. tom (ugly duckling: pity girl)

tom is... absolute goddamn trash, off’s worst role FOR SURE. not only does he have three scenes and a half & looks bland as hell during all of them, off’s acting is suuuper mediocre (sorry), but most of all... tom is an attempted r*pist trying to take advantage of his ex girlfriend’s memory loss. he is the WORST & has nothing redeemable about him

acting: 4/10. writing: 3/10. cuteness: 1/10

26. ? (hormones)

he’s literally there for one second lol, but he still managed to appear in one of the most popular thai shows of the time so like,,, good for him

[waitmyturtles]

Last Twilight, episode 2: reflections

I wanna give @benkaaoi a huge hug for tagging me in an amazing post about labels and "being known" in society vis à vis one's perceived individual strengths and weaknesses in episode 2 of Last Twilight. @benkaaoi, you put down a LOT of behavioral stuff that I think about a lot in these dramas, behavioral factors that are used to drive a story and narrative.

I think about labels all the time -- very often in my posts, I link back to my Theory of Love review, where I talk about Khai's difficulties in shedding the labels that Third (and even Khai's homies) have given him as a playboy. And the fact that many societies -- America and Thailand included -- aren't keen on allowing people to change and shed/shift those labels over the course of time. As humans in society, mammals acting out our lives within group dynamics, we are so very often boxed in. Day, over the course of a year, shifting from a national badminton player to a homebound visually impaired young man: I am not surprised that that brought on not just fear in interacting with a physical world that he could no longer see, a physical world that has hurt him, significantly; but also likely a very real depression that kept him in the confines of his room, that Day's mother and Night have learned to adapt in their everyday lives.

The wonderful twist about Mhok's behavior towards Day is: he's meeting Day where Day is at, at this moment in time. He didn't know Day before, so Mhok isn't biased.

We had that great tiny flashback (such an Aof thing to do to use that technique) of Mhok hiding the ankle monitor as he's being judged while looking for jobs.

And we see Mhok further attempting to relate to Day by going to his regular day market, blindfolded.

In other words: Mhok's putting in the work to understand Day's perspective of everyday life. I want to emphasize how very rare that is for any of us to experience, at all, in our lives, vis à vis the people around us, even our loved ones.

And the fact that the drama, in episode 2, has Mhok doing this, means: we don't have to see Mhok, say, "growing up" or changing within to get to the point of wanting and/or being able to do this for Day. Mhok lost someone close to him in a very frightening way, he embodies it, and I have a feeling he's connecting that with his engagement with Day, wanting a person that's newly close to him to not experience the same kind of hurt.

Whew. @benkaaoi, you gave me a lot to think about before I've had my first cup of coffee this morning! Thank you!

Other little tidbits that I loved about this episode:

1) I did not watch Vice Versa, so I know nothing about Jimmy's and Sea's chemistry, but I like where this is going.

2) I'm impressed by Jimmy. He's holding my attention.

3) I mentioned last week that I haven't been a fan of Namtan's past work, but she is holding up and showing up. I LIKE her Porjai.

I'm very happy to be back in an Aof show -- this is very well done so far.

P.S. I think the last time we saw Kun Kunchanuj in a GMMTV show was as Todd in SOTUS S. I knew I knew him! It'll be interesting to see his role as an emotional translator for both Mhok and Day.

[butterflymar]

DAY 2: FAVORITE BL DRAMA

I have quite a few... I can’t choose just one so bare with me lol

Life Senjou No Bokura

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: One day after school, the serious Ito and the child-like Nishi meet by chance, as each endeavors to remain walking  on the sidewalk`s white line. As time goes by, Ito recognizes he is drawn to Nishi in a way that is new to him. Nishi, for his part, is frustrated that they only get to meet on the sidewalk. Ito decides to act upon his feelings and kisses a surprised Nishi, who agrees they need to walk side by side for a change. The sparks between them are undeniable as their relationship blossoms in high school, survives the college years, and matures into adulthood. A deeply moving work that bears witness to loving partners, whose unchanging feelings must co-exist within a world of changing realities.

My Personal Thoughts: I already wrote a review for this so I am going to re-share some of those thoughts here. This is one that I have watched countless times already. They went by the manga for mostly all of the episodes and I appreciated seeing that. They gave more context for certain details that may have been lost while reading the manga and translated it to screen. I think they depicted the age gaps well too. For 4 episodes only, I feel that they did a great job including the most important aspects. Actually now that I think of it, I would have loved to see more of them in their early 20s depicted on screen because that was like one of there honeymoon phases and I’m a hopeless romantic lol but that’s just a personal preference not complaining. Also, the show stopped at age 40 and they could have gone on throughout there entire lives but I understand why they chose not too. The manga is great as well!!! I think that the main actors depicted beautiful true love very well. They had amazing chemistry. Japanese BL’s have that special spark about them that I love. I also loved that it showed there relationship from high school till there later years. I don’t see that a lot with BL’s. They usually just stick to one time period. The aspect about them being connected by a line in relation to there love was a nice touch as well. I am glad that it has a happy ending as well. This is a pretty quick one to watch and a great one at that!!! If you haven’t watched it yet, I would highly recommend it!!!

I Told Sunset About You 

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Teh and Oh-aew were best friends until a boyhood line of reasoning turned them into rivals. Years later as they're preparing for university admissions, both pursuing interests in the field of Communication Arts, the two meet in a Chinese language class. Their reunion awakens complicated and unstable feelings.

My Personal Thoughts: Same as above, I already wrote a review for this so I am going to re-share some of those thoughts here. This is DEFINITELY one of my top BL shows of the year 2020. This is such a beautiful masterpiece of a show!!! I remember when the preview trailer first came out… I was already hooked!!! I was on the lookout for it and it did not disappoint me one bit when it finally started. I looked forward to seeing it every week. It made me feel all of the emotions. I was up here sitting in my room crying over everything. I don’t think any other BL has made me this emotional before in my life. The two lead actors really DELIVERED!!! I could feel every single stare, every single body movement, and every single touch. You could cut the TENSION with a knife!!! No one couldn’t tell me that there wasn’t a magnetic true love between these two. I know this sounds cliche but it's like they were destined to be together from when they were childhood friends. Also, I would love to see them in future projects!!! The cinematography in this show is TOP FREAKIN NOTCH!!! Every single scene is just so beautifully shot. The cinematography alone makes me want to cry lol I saw somewhere that someone said the filming of the show reminded them of an indie film and I totally agree!!! The writing and directing on this show was impeccable to me!!! No cringy dialogue and every single line served its purpose well. This is movie grade writing. I also wanted to quickly just say that I loved the attention and callback to details throughout like with the tutoring book that Teh made for Oh-aew that was left empty by the end of episode 4, the flower that was supposed to be colored the same as Tan’s garment but Teh colored it red because he was thinking of Oh-aew, the rubbing of Oh-aew’s back when he sniffles, the references to Teh’s favorite actor, and the use of Chinese phrases to get meaning across. I could go on and on but wow I just loved how they really connected all of the details throughout. I can’t wait for Season 2!!!

Theory of Love

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Third is a filmology major and a member of the Savage Team along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years. For three years, he has kept his secret love in his heart, silently supporting and loving Khai while knowing there is absolutely no future between them since Khai is as straight as a streetlight pole and also an absolute player. To make matters worse, Khai has a "no dating friends" policy. How long can Third love Khai silently while watching Khai bring a different girl home every night? Third has tried to see Khai as just a friend. But has failed time and time again. Because as easy as it is to fall in love, to stop is just as hard.  Maybe even harder. That is until Third learns a secret that breaks his heart completely. But when Third decides to stop, Khai decides to start.

My Personal Thoughts: As sad as this show can make me feel at times, I love rewatching it. I still to this day think that it is one of the most well written BL’s that I have seen. Everything flows nicely and everything connects. Your not left wondering how you got from point A to point B. I thought the show had great character development especially when it came to Khai’s character towards the end of series. I know a lot of people had mixed feelings about his character due to how careless and dare I say stupid he acted at times but if he can make the audience hate him that much as a character... I would say he is doing something right!!! Gun’s acting never fails to amaze me!!! He really is one of the best actors I have seen. I know he had to be drained from all of that crying that he did throughout the show though lol It just goes to show that when you truly love someone you can’t just stop what you are feeling inside that easily no matter how the other person feels about you or treats you. As the old saying goes, love is blind. I also loved the friend group as well and Two and Bones side stories with the teacher and crush from school. They added to the shows greatness and didn’t take away from it. The friendship dynamics throughout the show was I feel something that really kept me engaged. The cast acted well together. There was no awkwardness or hesitation. I feel everyone bought there best for this drama. They incorporated the movie references so cleverly and I love how the title of each episode was the title of a real romance film. Just the overall theme of film was very intriguing to me. This drama left me filled with heartache and a rollercoaster of emotions but the ending is worth it!!!

HIStory3: Make Our Days Count

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: At first glance, high schoolers Xiang Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu appear to be polar opposites: While Xiang Hao Ting is an outgoing, hot-headed extravert and some-time bully, Yu Xi Gu prefers to keep a low profile and focus on his schoolwork. They seem bound for totally different futures – the bookish Yu Xi Gu looks destined for academic success, while life is just a long popularity contest for Xiang Hao Ting. But a quirk of fate – and a crucial intervention by a female schoolmate – results in the two young men’s paths crossing. But there is more to both young men than first meets the eye. Xiang Hao Ting was not always this way. He started out as a perfect student until he discovered the joys of going off the rails. And Yu Xi Gu has a reason for being so aloof and studious: His parents died in a traffic accident while he was younger, and he is being fostered by his aunt. As such, he works hard to get good grades in an effort to win a scholarship and ease the financial burden on his relatives. Yu Xi Gu also works part-time at a convenience store, where his manager Liu Zhi Gang has developed a crush on a man he has met at the gym. Back at school, meanwhile, Yu Xi Gu and Xiang Hao Ting find themselves drawn together, and passions ignite. The former notices that he has the unique ability to bring Yu Xi Gu out of his shell – and becomes intent on melting his cold-as-ice exterior. What will happen when their two worlds collide? And can love be the catalyst that helps bring these two unlikely students together – as their high school days draw to a close?

My Personal Thoughts: I will stand by this notion for all of my days but this show is one of the best shows I have seen PERIOD!!! Not even best BL shows I have seen but just in general. It highkey saddens me that it is rated at an 8.1 right now on MyDramaList due to how it ended when other than that... it’s a top notch show. This was one that I watched as it was airing and I would get excited to see it every week. My clown self should have known by the title “Make Our Days Count” that some mess was about to occur but I didn’t pick up on it. Now, I just disregard the last episode (WE DON’T KNOW HER!!!). You can just tell that they had a great budget for this series. The production was on point. It had great cinematography, great storylines, and it felt realistic too. The main couples acting was OFF THE CHARTS AMAZING. I loved the whole opposites attract thing going on. Although the show was set in high school... it almost didn’t feel like it nor did it have those typical clichés going on. I liked how it dealt with topic of LGBTQ+ acceptance as well. I wasn’t so sure about the side couples relationship at first but I grew to love them as time went on. One last thing I wanted to point out was that even though I am always looking for a happy ending... I learned from this show that not everyone can get a happy ending. That’s not how life works sadly. In real life, there have been a lot of people who were truly in love and lost there partners tragically. Although it may be hard to accept the outcome, it is something that happens in real life. This is a drama that you appreciate even more as time goes on. It truly is a gem of a series!!!

TharnType

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Type Thiwat is a handsome freshman with a passion for football and spicy food. Although he’s a friendly boy, he hates gay people because, in his childhood, he was molested by a man. His life turns upside down when the new academic year of college brings along a charismatic roommate, Tharn Kirigun. Tharn is a gorgeous, compassionate music major, who is also openly gay. When Type learns this, he is determined to make Tharn leave the dorm, as he won't live with a gay person. Tharn is equally determined not to give into Type's homophobic tantrums. With a gay guy and a homophobic guy that have to share a small space together for the rest of the year — what can possibly be the outcome of their story? Hatred? Or maybe love?

My Personal Thoughts: *Goes to hide in a corner* I know this drama is problematic and controversial as hell but it’s like a train wreck that you can’t turn  away from. What truly carries the show I feel is the chemistry between MewGulf. I don’t think I would have enjoyed the series as much if other actors were cast in those roles. They just exude confidence, passion, love, and lust. In terms of the storyline, I found it to be a chaotic occurrence of situations where I just had to know what was going to go on next. Everything that occurred had me intrigued for the next episode and so on and so forth. I loved Type’s character development. One quick thing I want to touch on was I know there were a lot of problematic things that happened which I will touch on at a later date but one thing I wish people were more understanding of was Type’s outbursts, thoughts, and feelings in certain situations. He was a victim of sexual assault so I felt the way he handled certain things was in response to what he had gone through as child and I think some viewers kind of missed that and were almost too harsh on him. Everyone processes and deals with trauma differently. This show went through so many twists and turns and I honestly lived for it especially the shocker towards the end of the series. I didn’t see that one coming at all!!! Despite all of its flaws, this show still holds a special place in my heart.

Honorable Mention:

Cherry Magic: As of today, this show has 4 episodes left and I think I am just going to come out and say that THIS IS MY FAVORITE BL OF THE YEAR!!! It’s a beautiful Japanese BL and I rewatch the old episodes while I wait for new ones to come out alot. It’s such a fluffy, heartwarming, and precious Bl series!!! I love it to pieces!!!

[ralbeleren]

For the character headcanons, Khai

1: sexuality headcanon: Definitely see Khai as bisexual, but in the mostly likes women but he's more than incidentally into men. (But I would say bi with a preference towards women (sexually)) I guess if I were to be incredibly specific about it, bisexual but homoromantic because i truly believe part of his problems with women (besides him being a slut [affectionate] is that he's only interested in a ltr with men.

2: otp: Khai/Third; it's gotta be it.

3: brotp: Khai & Bone; best friends + idiot gang.

4: notp: Hmmm... in canon I don't think any? Maybe Fahsai but it's because she was crazy.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: Khai's always been in love with Third but considered himself straight so repressed his feelings (but not 100%).

6: one way in which I relate to this character: This is difficult as I don't feel we have a lot in common but he does truly love his friends even if he doesn't show it well all the time so maybe that?

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: Even if he was pretending the scene where Third confesses his love (via cards) and Khai is like "This is awesome you're telling me how to get Milk back :D I love you :D" to Third just... ugh. It's embarrassing to me because ugh he's so stupid. 8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: PROBLEMATIC FAVE.

[bucksbisexual]

i’m a bit late to this but thank u @gaysarawat for tagging me in this!!!

list which 5 shows make you feel better then tag 10 other blogs.

spoiler alert: i’m not good with words shkfjshf don’t expect much from me pls. also, these are in no order, just how they come to my head

1. let me just start with my comfort drama, 2gether the series. this drama is so.. good? like i personally really liked watching tine falling in love with sarawat while watching sarawat fall in love with tine outside the bubble he created in his head about him. i love how pure their love is and, even with its flaws sometimes *ehem* the season finale handshake *ehem*, how they show it to each other in various ways. the side couples are good as well (even if it took me the existence of s2g for me to like milphukong) and so are the other characters. i hold this drama close to my heart and will always treasure it <3

2. next up is *drum roll* brooklyn nine nine!!! i rarely talk about it other than when it’s airing but this show is soooo good. i’ve been watching it for a few years (with a few hiatus in between because a bitch is dumb and forgot to keep watching... for months at a time) and half rewatched it half finished watching it to catch up before season 7 came out and let me tell you, the way this show has my heart????? god i love it i literally sobbed while watching the season 7 finale because my parents have a son now!!!!!!!! ah anyways, even though it’s a sitcom and sitcoms have like.... faint plots, i really like how it’s going for each character and i’m so excited to watch season 8 (for what i’m hoping it’ll be) next year!!!!

3. i had to think about this a bit but i think i’m gonna go with dark blue kiss! this drama was honestly a ride but seeing a grown up petekao and the idiots squad going through life was truly the highlight of it. after rahul’s post, i don’t think i can say anything close to the beautiful words he used hhhh but i’ll try and make sense sjfhs what i really like about this drama is how it’s a tad bit more mature than you’d usually expect from a bl? the side couple is definitely more mature since sun is like.. Years older than mork and shit sjfhks but yeah, u can see it in how it handled certain things that maybe other bls haven’t really touched on ((and i get that bls are like.. supposedly feel good content for (non) lgbt audiences but ignoring those does Not make us feel good... <3)) and i especially love the ending!! the last episode really highlights the character development from everyone during the whole series and i think there couldn’t have been a better one :-)

4. okay this might come as a shock to some but next is the untamed!! basically the drama that made me come back to tumblr sjfhksfj i’m so attached to drama i’ve rewatched it once *holt’s voice* AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN. no but really, i really want to rewatch and i would if the whole rip lotus pier arc didn’t make me want to punch jiang cheng’s ass Badly,,,, but other than that, what an amazing drama holy Fuck. the characters....... such complex characters and so many smartasses together. i fucking Love it. i especially love how the directors of the drama said “okay how gay can we make this without getting the attention of the government” ksjfjsfh but yeh . this drama makes me Feel things so it of course had to be here

5. and last but not least (and probably the hardest to choose because why did u just give me 5 op smh), theory of love!! now, does the power of this drama towards my person have something to do with me being whipped for half of the cast? of course yes. but cast aside, the story was really good!! and as someone who, at the time of watching, hadn’t really seen many non-engineers bls, this was truly a breath of fresh air. i love how, even though it’s the clear best friends to lovers, they added the one sided crush at the start and lots of angst in the middle to make it extra ✨🌶spicy🌶✨ and break our hearts even more :-))) also, something that i found really interesting was the fact the side couples were not in the book??? so someone in that writing room thought bone being into his teacher was okay.... lmao chile angays untwo! underappreciated couple and underappreaciated characters. two?? a literal sweetheart. un??? the man’s just vibing and hoping for two to stop hating him for no reason skjfhksj but oh well they ended up together so . win for the bisexuals ! khai and third Hurt and they (well, third) went through it all, but now tHEYRE ENGAGED BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay that’s all sfhksjfhf this was really fun!! and it made me truly think why i love these shows and try and express it so !! great hehe

i’m now tagging @calaveritaenby @wjmild @wavelovespang @ppkrits @asianmelodrama @pangwave @class2clown @toptaps @brightwin and @midyears !! if u guys have done it or don’t want to do it u can ignore this ���🏻👈🏻

[purple-crabs]

Day 7: favourite friendship

The Gangster Gang (Theory of Love)

These four are such nutjobs and I love it. They are each others support system but are also honest enough to tell each other when they do something rude/stupid/mean. Two and Bone regularly call out Khai for his awful behaviour towards Third, but also call out Third at the end of the series for being harsh towards Khai. Their honesty is so refreshing tbh. It prevents a lot of miscommunications. They tell each other everything and trust completely. And the fun thing is that you grow to love every member of this friendgroup since they all have their own storyline. Honestly, I wish I was in this fun, creative, but supportive friendgroup.

Honourable mentions:

Tine x Fong (2gether)

[CANT FIND A PROPER GIF OF THEM GODDAMIT]

I also loved the friendship between Sarawat, Man and Boss as well, but I have a special place in my heart for these two. Fong is honestly the only friend that Tine can actually talk to about his growing feelings for Sarawat. He takes him seriously.

Pharm x Team x Manaow (Until We Meet Again)

What cuties. Even when they have just met they act like they have known each other for years. The give off so many idiot vibes, but in the best way.

The Engineering Squad (My Engineer)

[someone please teach me how to make GIFs]

This is honestly such a chaotic group of friends, but I live for it. Basically a group of handsome engineering students that fall in love with other guys ( and each other) and do dumbass things along the way.

Pond x Ae (Love By Chance)

[jup, I really need to learn how to GIF]

Pond is honestly the most supportive straight friend I have ever seen in BL. What a gem of a man. He is the official sponsor of AePete.

[the-original-b]

Archangel Chapter 11: Talent Scouting

Format: Prose / Fiction, multi-entry

Part in Series: 3 of 9 (Previous Chapter | The Beginning)

Word Count: c. 2,600

Summary: Khai pressures Krueger to contain a rapidly deteriorating state of affairs.

Krueger stepped through the glass doors of the Sixth Avenue office—dressed in a commando sweater and dark jeans with classy shoes under his pea coat—and headed towards the conference room.

Danielle straightened up behind her desk as she noticed him walk past her. “They’re waiting for you inside, Mr. Krueger,” she said.

He thanked her with a nod and proceeded down the hallway, past Khai’s old office which CJ Silvio now worked out of, and entered the conference room to join her and Everett to discuss their next steps after the events at Pharaohs a few days ago. Visible on a computer monitor at the end of the table was Hayden.

“Gentlemen, Miss Khai.” he greeted them. “Is Mr. Desmoulins joining us?”

“We’re ironing out the connection now,” Khai noted. She wore a dark suit with a white blouse and black peep toe pumps. “It’s one thing to set up a video call, but another entirely to set one up with him.”

“The man lives in military grade encryption,” Everett added. Today he wore a conservative blue suit with a pale gray shirt underneath.

“It’s how he’s stayed invisible for so long…” she added sotto voce. She tapped a few more keys on the laptop Hayden’s face was on. “Got it,” she said, turning the device toward the other men in the room. “Brandon, can you hear us now?”

“Loud and clear,” Brandon voice confirmed through the speakers.

“Perfect. In the room you can see I’m here with Mr. Krueger and Henry Everett. Also joining us via teleconference is Mr. Hayden.”

“Hey, everyone.”

“Greetings,” Hayden said. “Good to see you’re all well.” He folded his arms atop the desk he sat behind.

“Same to you, sir.” Khai said, sitting down and facing the laptop. Krueger and Everett took their places standing behind her. “Have you heard any updates from Dana and Charles?”

“No, and that’s what concerns me. Karin’s seen a steady increase in the Dragon Tears’ popularity in her territory, but she and I have been in regular contact; and Herman’s reported no problems in his area. The others have had their hands full for months, and now that I haven’t heard from them since last week the rest of us are more than a little concerned.”

“That bad?”

“It isn’t just the drugs, it’s the problems they invite. Police budgets have been slashed nationwide, and the hardest-hit cities have turned to the private sector to compensate.”

“Castle Security Solutions,” Krueger noted. “I’ve seen a news story on them the other day.”

“It’s no coincidence they’re expanding while the Dragon Tears become more popular,” Khai noted.

“Are you suggesting they’re connected, Miss Khai?” Hayden queried.

“I’m saying there may be a causality, sir; that somebody stands to profit from the expanse of one or both of the two forces choking the Partners today.”

“I agree,” Everett added. “And thanks to Krueger, I think we know who.” He looked at the monitor. “Mr. Desmoulins?”

“Special Agent Peter Cross,” Brandon said. “Born August 14th 1966, UT San Antonio class of ’88. Eight years with the FBI, then transferred to the DEA in ’96. He spent three years there, then moved to ATF. He changed hats a third time and joined the CIA in 2002, after which the records stop.”

Krueger arched his brow. “The United States Government?” He crossed his arms and shifted his weight to one foot.

“We don’t know that for sure, but it does make sense,” Brandon mused. “If the CIA is sponsoring an effort to destroy the Partners, they’d want somebody like Cross at the tip of the spear.”

“Not their wheelhouse,” Khai commented. “That’s more the FBI’s job.”

“Also doesn’t make sense that his story stops after his start with the CIA,” Everett noted, his hand on his chin. “I get the feeling there’s more to this Peter Cross than the records show.”

“Especially since the buyer named him,” Krueger added, just loud enough for the others to hear.  He leaned on the back of a chair to Khai’s left. “Is it possible he’s changed sides, started working for another criminal organization?”

“Possible, but not likely; the only other major player in the region is the Company,” Khai said. “And after the ordeal with Osiris, they’re hardly on my radar these days.”

“Mine either,” Hayden said. He brought his knuckles to his lip as he looked away from the camera, breaking eye contact as he considered the new information. “Do we know if Cross is operating in the Tri-State?”

“I found an office in Long Island City,” Brandon said. “Registered to a Rook Capital. He’s listed as Operations Manager.”

Krueger and Khai shot each other looks.

“Then I think that’s where we should start,” Hayden concluded. “Mr. Krueger, head to the Rook Capital office tonight.” Hayden lowered his hand again. “Surveil the building and report back what you find”

“Understood,” Krueger said.

“If I may, gentlemen,” Brandon suggested, “I think I have a better idea. I wrote a script that clones a computer’s internal drive and writes it to another location. I call it the Intruder.”

“The one used at Miles Orham’s cabin?”

“The very same. I think we can use it again here, but we’ll need an access point for it to work.”

Hayden nodded. “I agree,” he said. “That is a better idea. Mr. Krueger, if you can gain entry to the office and upload Mr. Desmoulins’ program into their server room, I believe we’ll gather all the information we need.”

“I’ll get it done, Mr. Hayden,” Krueger said with a nod.

“Excellent. We’ll reconvene after we’ve made more sense of the data.” He reached for something off-camera. “Good day.” His visage disappeared immediately afterward, and the four remaining people on the conference call shared a moment of silence.

“I’ll make the needed modifications to the Intruder,” Brandon finally said. “Krueger, can you come by later today to pick up the drive?”

“Absolutely. I’ll get the address from you while I’m there as well.”

“Awesome. Let me know when you’re on the way. Mr. Everett, Liz, take care.” And just like that, Brandon Desmoulins disconnected from the conference, and Khai shut her laptop before turning to face the two other men in the room with her.

“Well,” she said.

“It sounds self-explanatory to me,” Everett said. “We plant the Intruder, wait for it to do its job, and decide our next steps after we analyze the data.”

“We might run out of time before then.”

Everett shot her an inquisitive look.

“Rook Capital… Rook, the chess piece.”

“Castle,” Everett concluded. “The private contractors?”

“Not a doubt in my mind.”

“I caught it too,” Krueger added. “It can’t be coincidence that Cross is part of their office in Queens, he has to be connected to the private contractors coming up in cities across the country.”

“All the evidence points to that,” Khai said. “And if all is as it seems then there’s no time to delay here…” She stood up from her seat, adjusting her glasses. “We have to kill him.”

“Liz,” Everett said, raising a hand to chest-level. “You’re talking about killing a possible U.S. Government agent. That’s a sure-fire way of drawing attention that we cannot afford.”

“It’s also the only way we can guarantee avoiding the same thing that’s happening to Dana and Charles right now, and to stop whatever’s brewing from destroying the whole organization…” She took a breath, placing her hands on her hips and shutting her eyes. She opened them again and met Krueger’s gaze. “Milo, go see CJ in the armory.”

“Liz,” Krueger began.

She started toward her desk at the head of the conference room, by the window overlooking Sixth Avenue. “It won’t be easy, but if you can get in and out before they know what happened, I think we can slip the noose before they get a chance to tighten it.” She took a seat and woke her desktop computer.

“Liz, I was ordered—”

“It’ll be tight, but there’s a safe house in Sunnyside, on 40th Street. You can lie low there while things settle down—”

“Liz..!” He got her attention.

Khai looked away from the monitor to face him.

“That isn’t the job,” he specified. “You heard Mr. Hayden, this is strictly an infiltration assignment.”

“I did,” she said, “but it may be too late to do anything about whatever facts we dig up by the time we analyze them all. We need to solve the problem before it becomes one.”

“And I agree with you there,” Krueger said, leaving his place at the table to approach her. “But this is different—you’re talking about having me remove a possible Federal Agent.” He stopped barely two feet from the edge of her desk, then placed his hands onto the desk top. “A long time ago I stood right here in front of your predecessor, and promised to kill him in his sleep if he ever ordered me to do something I’m not comfortable with.”

Khai didn’t take her eyes from his, even as she leaned back into the chair and uncrossed her legs. She wasn’t even aware of the distance she tried to create between them until she blinked, realizing what she was actually feeling wasn’t shock, but fear.

“I don’t want to have to revisit that threat.” Krueger finally said. He maintained his flat tone, deadly serious. “Least of all to you… but if I have to, I will.” He straightened his posture again, looking down at her. “I was issued an order, Liz. And I don’t intend to deviate from it.” Krueger turned on his heel and headed toward the exit, his hands in his coat pockets. On his way out of the office he acknowledged Danielle again and passed through the glass doors to the elevator down to Sixth Avenue.

Everett shuffled uncomfortably after Krueger left. “That wasn’t something I should have been in the room for. Sorry, Liz.”

“No, you’re fine,” she reassured him. “Really…” She let a quiet sigh escape her lips. “You know, that’s the closest thing to a fight he and I have had in the almost two years we’ve been together… I was always nervous about that, but now I think I was scared of the wrong thing.”

Everett followed her eyes darting across the top of her desk. He noticed her reach for a pen and absentmindedly tap its point on an old post-it note. He’d seen that look on her face before, and could practically see the gears turning in her head as she worked through what must have been a problem she’d revisited and resolved dozens of times already. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” she declared, trying to convince herself more than him. “Yeah, it’s just… easy to forget who he is sometimes.”

“A good-hearted man?”

Khai looked up at him and, after a brief pause, exhaled. She shut her eyes and put the pen back down, then brought her hand back up to remove her glasses and rest them by the pen. She rubbed her eyes with her thumb and first finger then pinched the bridge of her nose before allowing her hand to slide down her face to her mouth as she opened her eyes again, staring ahead blankly.

Everett looked over his shoulder to the conference table and headed over to retrieve a chair which he placed in front of Khai’s desk. “Don’t tell me,” he began, sitting down. “You’re considering ending your relationship with him; you’re listing the pros and cons in your head and trying to come up with any good reason to let him go on your own terms before you’re forced to make that choice.”

Khai quietly laughed and shook her head. “That obvious, huh?”

“You may as well be an open book,” he returned, smirking.

Khai relaxed her smile and brought both her hands together, resting her chin on her interlaced fingers. She shut her eyes again and placed her face into her palms, exhaling slowly. She interlaced her fingers again, looking over her knuckles at him.

“And now, you’re realizing he’s not only the best thing to happen to the Branch, but also to you.”

Khai nodded. “I know,” she said. “And as much as I try to rationalize and poke holes in the pros, I can’t find a single reason to make it worth breaking up with him in the end.” She dropped her hands and turned her head to look him in the eye. “But I’m scared, Henry,” she admitted. “I hesitated even bringing him to the Brooklynite that night. I didn’t think I’d fall for him…” She shrugged. “But I did. A kind, charming, good-looking guy with a tragic past; I didn’t stand a chance,” she laughed. “I ignored my doubts and let myself get closer to him. No matter how many times I think I made a mistake with him, then realize I didn’t, I still feel like I’m going to screw this up somehow. And that terrifies me.”

Everett gave a half-suppressed chuckle as he considered his next words. “Forty years ago, I think I heard those same words come out of your father’s mouth when he tried to talk himself out of proposing to your mother.”

Khai laughed again. “I guess the apple plopped straight down,” she jested. “What did you say to him?”

“I told him he was the smartest person I knew. Then I chastised him for not being able to see the obvious choice,” he added with a smirk. “You inherited his brilliant mind, Liz. The two of you work through problems the same way—you consider all the approaches, all the variables, and by the time you reach your solution you realize you knew the right answer from the beginning.” He shrugged. “This is no different. I think you made your decision before we even started talking about this.”

Khai opened her mouth to offer a rebuttal, but stopped herself when she realized he was right. Sure Krueger caught her off guard with his parting words, but he said what he did because of who he was and—more importantly—who he wasn’t. Khai rested her cheek in her hand as she considered Krueger, weighing his numerous good qualities against his few bad ones. She tried to justify splitting with him in light of any hypothetical and actual threats to their relationship, and a soft smile washed over her face as she realized she couldn’t.

“There’s a reason you invited him to dinner that night, Liz” Everett concluded, leaning forward. “Remember that.”

~~

Krueger headed down Sixth Avenue and crossed at 51st Street to head toward the garage where he parked his car. He slowed after he made it across the street, then sighed as he stopped in his tracks. He stood off to one side to let others pass him as he slid his hands into his coat pockets and stared absentmindedly into the sky, re-playing his meeting with Khai, Everett, Brandon, and Hayden in his head over and again as he considered the information. After a while he fished into his coat pocket to find his mobile phone. “Ich werde es bereuen,” he said to himself as he dialed the number when he found it in his list of contacts.

“Mr. Krueger!” CJ Silvio’s voice on the other end answered. “What can I do for you?”

“I need something precise and powerful.” he said. “Last-minute.”

“How powerful are we talking?”

“Hole-puncher.”

“Uh…” Silvio shuffled audibly on the other end. “I think I can put a list together. Rifles or handguns?”

“The latter. The quieter the better.”

“Oh, well that narrows it down… I’ll have to see if we have any of those left in the armory.”

“Meet me there in thirty minutes.” Krueger ended the call and headed for the garage on 51st to his car.

(Masterlist | Chapter 12)

[letmeshoyou]

so hi everyone, I cannot get back into the swing of using tumblr for love nor money but I love Theory of Love so much like I live and breathe this series, I can't stop rewatching it, I will never get sick of it, and I need a space to share all my thoughts about it 

so in this post I offer you: my analysis on why I believe khai secretly loved third the entire time but he was too insecure within himself to act on it and/or repressed his feelings for the same reasons as Third 

so before I begin, I actually sent these paragraphs to friend around maybe a month or two ago, but I've been thinking things over again so I thought I may as well share it. also I wrote this before I read the novel for the first time so this purely based on the series (currently)

so first I would like to discuss EP2 1/4 when khai and third are getting the ambience sounds at the pond

first of all, khai giving third an earphone is really cute??? like he wants to be in the moment with third, and then he has that soft af look on his face. also I think in this scene you can really see how comfortable khai is around third. he really lets his guard down here. he doesn't make any weird jokes, he's quiet (ok maybe just for the recording but still) and he closes his eyes. I don't really know how to explain it, but you don't just close your eyes and relax around anybody while you're outside, right?

ok here is my real delulu interpretation: so then khai says "I really like to listen to the sound of nature. It calms me down." and I think in this moment he's actually talking about being with third because of what I said above, and then he says, "The view here is also great. If I am to ask someone to be my baby, this is the right place for it. Don't you think?" I just don't think it's a coincidence? I mean, khai's had all these girls, so wouldn't he have asked someone to be his gf at that spot already? I think at this point in the story, khai is still trying to figure out/confirm how third feels about him, so the "don't you think?" is trying to egg third on to tell khai how he feels about him, since khai also recognises it's a romantic spot

I know all his friends think khai's a dumbass, and he is to some extent, but I also think he pretends to be stupid a lot of the time. the poor baby is not blind. I bet that since him and third are best friends, he picked up on third's behaviour around him a long time ago, before anyone else noticed. that, and third seemingly hasn't been with anyone since they started university, and now they're in their third year, which is a pretty long time not mention being into anybody or date, so that only adds in khai's favour. third is a really tough one to crack since he puts his guard up around khai to save his own heart, and I think khai knows that which is why he does all these soft things

so then, third goes "khai, I have something to tell you." khai goes "Mmm, let's hear it." as opposed to 'what's up?' or 'what's going on?' or 'what's wrong?', like he's expecting it. then third says "I like..." and omg khai's face here? I mean he's got to be waiting for it, especially when third says 'I like...' and he's looking at khai with that dumbfounded expression. and khai doesn't say anything, he just waits for third, whereas if it was two or bone they'd be all 'HUH? You like WHO?'

so third eventually says "I like this ambience, too." and khai does that smile like he got his answer, because remember that khai is actually talking about third when he says he likes the ambience! if third said 'I like this ambience, too' to anyone else, they'd probably think it was a weird thing to say, because in reality you'd probably just go 'mmm' or 'same' or 'me too'. I really think that khai sees third's reply as another piece of evidence of third having feelings for him, because he says "We're on the same page." which is his way of saying 'I like you too', because you wouldn't normally say something like that? you'd probably just go 'mmm'. and then he smiles and closes his eyes again

a small thing: a reason why I think Khai is not more direct about it is because the sound is recording, and (he thinks) the recording will be later handled by bone (though third does the initial edit), who loves teasing khai. actually this makes me wonder if bone heard anything they said, which makes him go to khai with his suspicions? they're both speaking so softly, it probably took bone by surprise to hear khai talking like that

ALSO that scene with un talking to third: khai's jealously is just insane. there's no need to be that jealous of third talking to someone else, especially since this was the first time khai had seen them talk together. I think that runs much deeper than being jealous of un being un. khai and un are alike in some aspects, so if khai had already submitted to the idea that since he can't be romantically involved with third, he'd know to keep him as his friend instead and then panics that third will replace him un, especially with two listing all his good qualities...

AND ONE MORE THING THAT GETS ME EVERY TIME that scene when third moves in with khai and khai makes the comment about sharing bodies, and third says "just bodies? You should take my heart too." and khai's really taken aback by the comment for a moment then says something like "don't say that next time, the person will fall in love with you" and they lean in towards each other, and stare into each other's eyes for ages... omg. khaithird I will give you my LIFE

here concludes my current analysis but pls feel free to scream about khaithird with me because I can’t get enough :))