#trying to apply this to the book I'm trying to write currently

[yandere-sins]

Yandere!Mydei caring for a depressed darling

a/n: Tried to do something new with the type of headers I do. Not quite yet close to the aesthetic girlies but I don't hate it! Anyway, I'm now a diagnosed ✨depressed✨ and life's been up and down lately, so I wanted to write for my current comfort character ♥

Characters: Yandere!Mydei(mos) x GN!Reader Warnings: Yandere, Possessiveness, Obsessiveness, Kidnapping, Depression

❥ Mydei likes to return to you doing something. He likes to find you taking a bath (scrambling to get some clothes on when you hear the door unlock) or reading a book (sighing because your reading time is effectively over), stuffing your mouth like an adorable little animal with food, or even wreak havoc if you must (and he gets to put you back in your place). It excites him. It makes taking a rest so much more enjoyable, and he needs to see you thrive in this environment he created for you. Knowing that it's his place that you live in satisfies the homesickness he suppresses, as he can live vicariously through you. Coming home to you asleep—or at least trying to—isn't quite what he has in mind for a greeting.

❥ He's not too pleased to have to wake you up or make you at least acknowledge his presence. But he will, of course, do so however his mood commands him to. Sometimes, he grabs the blanket so you end up rolling out of bed; other times, he spoons you from behind, applying more and more pressure to your body until you react. Or he calls out to you and pokes you until you're finally up. Just this time, everything he does seems to affect you less. Like you don't care. Like you can't care.

❥ When you do finally get up, he immediately notices the changes in you. He can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong. Still, everything from your sluggish demeanor to the faded light in your eyes gives him clues to an unsolvable puzzle. He doesn't like it. Mydei asks you what's going on with you, his repeated questioning getting annoying fast, but your shrugging your shoulders and being dismissive isn't cutting it for him. He will test for a fever and belittle you for not taking care of yourself as you should as he tries to find any wounds that could cause you distress. Clearly, you've been up to no good and probably worn yourself out. Mydei is so obsessed with finding the cause that he can't see the forest for the trees.

❥ Frustrated and angry at you since he doesn't know what is going on with you (this could just be another one of your ways to challenge him), he storms off to take care of his own needs for a little while but eventually does return with your favorite food. Even though Mydei has to get you out of bed again—which he does unapologetically and ruthlessly by picking you up regardless of your state of awareness—he forces you to have a meal with him. He gets even more upset when you barely touch your food. He keeps piling more items on your plate, but you just sit back after a few nibbles, unwilling to consume more. It's grating his nerves, but even more so, it raises a sense of discomfort in him that he never felt with you before. Even when he had to fight you, wrestle you to the ground, and force you to obey his whims, he never felt like this... somewhat... helpless. It's uncomfortable and distressing, and Mydei doesn't want to think of the memories these feelings remind him of.

❥ You, not objecting to being placed on top of him like a weighted blanket for the night, is the final nail in the coffin. You hate it with a passion when he picks you up and moves you like a doll, especially if it initiates more body contact than you feel like having with him or being placed in an awkward position. But you don't even tell him to stop or push your hands into his chest, giving him a reason to wrestle with you for a bit. Instead, your behavior keeps Mydei up all night after he pulled a blanket over you two, and you actually have the audacity to fall asleep on his chest without any complaints, not knowing the agony he's going through. But fine! You want to not interact with him? Well, that gives Mydei the opportunity to do whatever he wants with you.

❥ So, in the morning (later than he usually gets up), he forces you to bathe with him. You do tense up and try to get away from him, but he won't let you. Having your hair washed by Mydei is not a gentle undertaking, as he scrubs the soap against your scalp seemingly without an ounce of care. However, when some tears fall, he at least makes an effort to be more careful with the rest of your body. You'll be surprised to witness how he is still able to learn from his mistakes despite forcing you into this relationship with him. But even if it isn't how he's used to doing things, he tries—for you. The same goes for brushing your teeth (he'll use his tools for you unless you do it yourself), combing your hair (washing was enough torture, although he's reaching for the comb almost too quickly for you to decide if you can manage it yourself or not), and putting fresh clothes on (which takes a lot of time as he ponders what you should wear that day).

❥ Mydei's special care doesn't stop there as you are getting carried or dragged around all day by him—no matter where, except for the place you had been forced to call your "home". Into meetings with the other Chrysos Heirs (which everyone is very surprised by since Mydei never allows them to visit you and keeps you all to himself usually), onto the training grounds (where he was nice enough to bring your book along in case you were bored, but he ended up checking up so much on you that his training was cut short), and to restaurants three times that day, so he could make sure you were eating right. You've never actually got to hang out so much with him outside his place, and he had never shown any interest in you learning about his daily routine, either. So, although you can't appreciate the change as much in your current state, you do enjoy being outside and doing something (even if it isn't what you want to do).

❥ Even though he kept his eyes on you all day, your lack of trying to complain to someone about Mydei's treatment concerns him. Usually, you'd try to tell everyone your tale of being forced into a relationship with him the few times he took you outside, always causing a scene with him in the streets. But you seem to lack the energy for it. For anything, really. You're still barely eating and even allow him to reach for and take your hand at any given moment, which he enjoys but is only half as rewarding as when he has to fight for the right. You even stopped struggling whenever he picked you up, instead slumping over and resting in his hold. And you sigh a lot, reaching up sometimes to wipe away tears that threaten to fall. If he wasn't concerned the day before, he definitely is now.

❥ It can't be helped, Mydei doesn't know what to do. So, despite grumbling about how he can't believe all this, he takes you to a spot no one can see you two in. Somewhere, the sun will shine down on you despite it being evening, and he sets you down between his legs, leaning you against his chest before resting back against a wall, too, soaking in the sunlight. It doesn't take too long until the silence gets to you, emotions swelling inside you until they burst out in tiny sniffles. By the time you are turned into a sobbing mess, Mydei is hugging you tightly against his chest, letting your tears run down his skin. He's neither hushing nor reprimanding you, rubbing your back calmly instead and letting you cling to him even if your nails dig into his flesh. The part that suppresses all of the uncomfortable feelings inside of him locking them away and burying them deeper every time they act up, doesn't understand what is happening. Mydei put them away to keep himself clear-headed and fighting at all times. But the other part—the one ruled by his heart that loves you so very much—feels for you, wishing he could just take care of whoever and whatever made you feel this way. He longs to have your feisty, adorable self back and wishes he could prove to you how capable he is in protecting you. Still, instinctively, he knows that it wouldn't be this easy.

❥ Mydei is not admitting to being part of the problem. He's not allowing anyone, not even you, to tell him that. But he will be the one to help you fix whatever issue you're having. You will follow his routine, and he will adjust it so you think of anything other than the thoughts in your head that torment you. If he can provide you with a new experience, he will. If buying you a hundred new books, he will. Ice cream for breakfast? Just say the words. He'll stay behind from some missions, no matter how hard he itches for the fights, just so you aren't as lonely. He'll do anything—anything—so he doesn't have to come back to find you this way again. So that he doesn't encounter this condition that he doesn't know how to fix. A condition no one taught him how to take care of and which he doesn't acknowledge in himself.

❥ Despite not getting any softer than this, Mydei does show you a tremendous amount of care the next few days. He drags you to many more outings, but there are also a lot of planned rests in between. You get to meet the others, and sometimes, he sees your smile return, however short-lived it is. Mydei goes out of his way to make you happy, never saying it out loud but showing through actions that he cares. He lets you roam the market by his side or even allows you to hold a weapon once or twice (under his strict supervision) when you show interest in it. He does stop you the few times you try to tell someone what is going on because losing you isn't an option, even if you seem to think it is. There is no way he'd ever let you go... but he does want you to feel better again. Having you wither away had never been the plan, although he reflects that sometimes it could have looked that way to you. He's not going to change his ways in the future, but he will provide you with what you need as long as he can give it to you.

❥ But the first time you get upset at him again, his heart makes a massive leap in his chest, trying to burst out. Mydei wants to rip it out from beneath his rips so he can throw the stupid thing at you, hoping you'll finally realize how bad his feelings are for you. Just having a glimpse of the you, he loves, back is enough to satisfy the ache that had risen over the time he had to watch you live in your depressive state. And sometimes, when you two fight, he even lets you win now. Mydei can spare a night not smothering you beneath him as he falls asleep spread on top of you. Letting you push him off and wearing the very temporary bruises like marks of endearment on his skin. His love becomes increasingly undiluted, especially when you show him the fire returning to your eyes. Your tongue, too, tastes better once it's sharp again and he has a reason to shut you up. Even though he carried you around for a while, seeing your body move around on its own is like a mesmerizing dance that he watches with rapture, and it raises his appetite for you like never before.

And you will never know how much effort he puts into keeping it this way for the rest of your time together.

[captain-joongz]

Penny for your ghosts; Masterlist

Pairing: OT7!BTS x f!reader

Genre: hybrid au, supernatural au, ghost hunting au (based on Lockwood&Co lore), found family, fluff and humour, some angst, eventual smut, i'm too tired to write slowburn this is fun from the beginning because i'm starved for affection

Summary: The world is haunted. There's ghosts, so many in fact that sometimes it feels like they're taking over the living. Incidents are on the rise, ghost related injuries and deaths are getting worse and more common, fear is taking place in hearts of those still here.

And the only ones who are born with the gift, with the ability to see, hear and fight this epidemic, are hybrids. Between the countless agencies and corporations ran by humans exploiting hybrids' gifts for profit, you desperately try to apply your gifts and end up at a small shunned hybrid ran agency fighting to help people and gain respect.

Warnings: ghosts and the supernatural, discussions of deaths, murder and violence, themes of deaths, murder and violence, a lot of sad backstories, dangerous situations and close brushes with death, eventual smut, each chapter will have individual warnings!

Current word count: 19.8k

↭ 1 ↭ | ↭ 2 ↭ | ↭ 3 ↭ | ↭ 4 ↭ | ↭ 5 ↭ | TBA

A/N: hello darlings! so this has been stewing in my head for a long time - some of my favourite things are mafia related stories, fantasy with dragons and supernatural, ghosts and hybrids, and so i told myself why not put the last three together haha

the idea first came to me while reading Trouvaille by @spookyserenades because that was the first time i saw hybrids and ghost hunting tropes put together into one story, and i got really excited (by the way, i know i never shut up about this story, but it's so fucking good like please go read it right now it's a masterpiece and i'm so glad i found it), but also my favourite book series is the Lockwood&Co which i discovered when i was like 14 and read a thousand times since then. it's genuinely one of the best series i've read and it's to me what Harry Potter is to a lot of people (i was so damn disappointed when the Netflix series didn't get renewed, it had so much potential and the books are stellar). so i decided to start working on a story with hybrid ghost hunters according to the Lockwood&Co lore!

i hope you enjoy yourself and that you end up loving this story as much as i do!

Thank you for reading <3

Taglist (open): @borahaetelevision @socksfirst1 @shakespeare-in-the-park7 @iwishiwasrichasfuck @authorpj

@bangatanily @sassy-snassy @booksintheheart00-blog @bangbangcon @kiki-zb

@luvian-art @ldysmfrst @jinsleftairpod @futuristicenemychaos @mar-lo-pap

@canarystwin @sleepyrene @cerulean1riz @mysteriousgeminizone

@sweetplaidfestivalstudent @afangirl91 @mama-riyon @uniquecutie-puffs @livi101ful

@singukieee @jenartejk @i-like-puppy-mg @anne4sweet @moonxxlover

@meigalaxy

[elexuscal]

Welcome to the Murderbot Diaries Fandom!

Hello, hello! Our favorite anxious half robot, half-human security construct has made it to streaming, introducing it to a whole new audience! While that leaves the temptation to put on our helmets and hide in the corner, I'm putting my best foot forward to mimic Dr. Mensah and welcome you all to our hab!

My intention with this post is to give a little bit of a guide to newcomers to get them situated, and generally just say hi.

What's Murderbot?

Murderbot is the titular character of The Murderbot Diaries, a book series by Martha Wells. Book 1, All Systems Red, is currently being adapted by a new streaming series on Apple TV. The (two) series follow a rogue ‘SecurityUnit’ as it befriends humans and robots alike, steals its freedom, and does what it can against the hyper-capitalist companies that rule much of the galaxy.

Spoilers Abound!

As far as we can tell, the (presumed first) season of the Murderbot show will cover only book 1 of what is currently a six-book series (with two additional short stories, and two more entries planned).

As such, there will be spoilers lurking in the tags! This includes future events, reveals, and characters.

If you're new and don't want to be spoiled, stick to the tags #Murderbot Show and #Murderbot TV. It's also a courtesy of fans of the book series to keep TV show discussion in that tag as opposed to the book tags #Murderbot Diaries and #TMBD. (Though I'm going to be honest, there's like a bazillion tags at this point so this might be a losing battle. Oh well, we try!)

Sharing Spaces

The fundamental themes are Murderbot are about the power of kindness and compassion, and the importance of respecting those different from you. Those are ideals I hope we can continue to foster as our little fandom grows.

What does that mean?

Primarily, it means recognizing that there are going to be different perspectives, and that's okay! Some people are really excited by an adaptation of the books they love; some are skeptical. Plus, of course a whole bunch of folks who have only just been introduced to MB via TV! All are valid! Let's not be rude to those who disagree with our own perspective.

It also means respecting different interpretations of the character and stories. We don't know how much the story of books and show are going to diverge; certainly, even faithful adaptations need to make changes to take advantage of a new medium. And indeed, even when you're reading the same text, people can come away with very different perspectives. We need to make room for all those perspectives to hang out together.

Identity and Representation

The Murderbot of the books is nonbinary, using it/its pronouns. There’s heavy emphasis in the text that Murderbot is wholly uninterested in both sex and romance, and it is therefore very commonly interpreted as asexual and aromantic, not to mention touch-averse and neurodivergent. As such, you'll find many folks from these communities within the fandom. Please try to be kind and respectful of these groups!

As always, the fandom principles of 'Ship and Let Ship' and 'Your Kink Is Not My Kink (And That's Okay)' applies. That said, it's a two way street, and there are ways to approach shipping that recognises why many other fans won't share your interests. Write shippy fic, draw shippy art, just tag appropriately and be respectful of ace and aro-spec identities as you do.

Respecting representation also extends to visual depictions of the characters! With a new show out, it of course follows that many people will be making fanart reflecting its cast! However, the books themselves are often very scant on physical descriptions, reflecting Murderbot's often laconic style. This leaves a bit of a blank canvas for fanart. While we're definitely going to be seeing a lot of fanart representing Skarsgard's Murderbot (as well as the rest of the show's cast), you’re also going to be seeing pieces  taking inspiration from other places, such the official book cover art by Tommy Arnold,  the voice actor of the audiobooks, Kevin R. Free, and artists’ own imagination! This means other interpretations of the characters in terms of racial background, build, and gender presentation. That's awesome! Let's keep enthusiasm for all ways of depicting this awesome universe going!

Fandom Is Fun

Above all, fandom is a place of joy, connection, and creativity. Be kind to others; block those who are bringing you down; share and emphasize the things you love!

If this is your first time finding Murderbot; welcome! I think you've got a real treat ahead of you. I'm glad you're here. 👋

[siredtoelijah44]

PLEEEAAASEEEE DO A SECOND PART OF TEACHER'S PET I'M BEGGING

Teacher's Pet (Part Two) - Elijah Mikaelson (18+)

warnings: smut, f!reader, teacher x student relationship, age gap, oral (m!receiving), fingering, use of daddy and princess, slight dom!elijah

a/n: here you are anon!! sorry it took a minute it's been finals week so I had no motivation to write and it's kind of short. part one is here but it can be read pretty much as a standalone

word count: 2238

The little affair had been going on for weeks now. It was all stolen kisses, secret rendezvous in his office or his bedroom, and subtle glances as she sat in his classroom. He could barely keep his eyes off her as he lectured, but she couldn’t tear her eyes from him either. 

It made her giddy. The thrill of the secret was enticing and made things all the more arousing for them. 

But soon enough the school year was ending. The summer sent most of the students home but some stayed when they had nowhere else to go – like her. So she was currently lounging in the quad with Lizzie and Hope.  

The heat had been nearly unbearable the past few days. All she was wearing was a thin tank top and shorts that were far too short to be considered appropriate. But seeing it was summer the school dress code didn’t apply. 

Elijah watched from his window. He’d decided to stay in Mystic Falls for the summer. He and Hope would be heading back to New Orleans for a little bit but Elijah enjoyed his space. This was the first time in his life that he had his own space, his own life separate from his siblings. They were all living their own lives but now he was too. 

He liked it here. He liked her too. She was pretty and smart. He knew it was inappropriate for him to be with her. She’d been his student. He was far too old for someone like her. But he didn’t care. 

He watched as she stood from the grass. Her skin was covered in a sheen of sweat. The heat had finally gotten to her and she needed a drink. His eyes followed her until she disappeared from his sight. He sat down in his chair, turning his attention back to the book he’d been reading before he’d caught a glimpse of her outside. 

About ten minutes later there was a knock on the door. She didn’t bother with waiting for an answer before she entered. Elijah tried to keep his eyes fixed down on his book in an attempt to control himself. But even a small glimpse of her legs in those shorts had his cock stirring already.

“Hey,” she murmured. She closed the door behind her and turned the lock. 

“Hello,” he replied softly. It was difficult to contain himself with her sometimes. He hadn’t even taken her properly but she was still so tempting. 

She stepped closer to him. “Is your book really that interesting?”

“Yes.” That was a bold faced lie and they both knew it. 

She plopped down onto the seat across from him, a soft huff escaping her lips. She was clearly frustrated. He hadn’t touched her in nearly a week and it was killing her. 

Elijah wasn’t sure what was holding him back this time. Perhaps it was the guilt he felt for letting this continue. Or it was the face that he’d taken her innocence. No, she had willingly given it to him – eagerly too. But she was so young. Far too young for the likes of him. And he was a monster. A vampire. 

Yet he couldn’t stop himself from letting her back in. 

“Elijah,” she called out his name. “I’m bored.” 

“What am I supposed to do about that, princess?” He still didn’t look up from his book. He knew if he looked up he’d never stop touching her. It was hard to resist her when she looked so pretty – which he thought was all the time. 

She huffed again. “Daddy,” she whined. She was hoping that would be enough to get his attention. 

He cursed internally. He’d been the one to tell her to call him that when they were intimate. It seemed to bite him in the ass. She’d quickly learned that saying that simple name always worked him up. His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Sweetheart, I’m trying to read,” he warned lowly, still trying to avoid looking at her. 

She sighed once again. He could practically feel her frustration as she shifted in the seat. He knew she wanted his attention. That much was clear. He was trying to keep his focus on the book. But it was proving difficult. His mind kept wandering back to the thought of her soft skin under his hands, the noises she made when he touched her, the way she clutched at him whenever he brought her over the edge–

He took a deep breath. He set his book down on the desk. He crooked his fingers, beckoning her closer to him. “Come here,” is all he needed to stay. 

The girl was immediately on her feet, moving towards him. It was his own fault really. He’d shown her a glimpse of pleasure and now she couldn’t get enough of him. All she wanted was more but he kept hesitating to give her everything. But he couldn't deny the way he enjoyed how much she craved him. 

A small smirk graced his lips as she approached him. He spread his legs and pulled her between his thighs. His hands rested on her hips. “Is this what you needed?” he hummed. “You just needed some attention?”

“Yes.” Her voice was slightly breathless. 

One of his hands came up to cup her cheek. He pulled her down into a searing kiss. She immediately returned the gesture. Her own hands came to rest on his shoulders. She moved her mouth against his. Elijah was pleased with how her abilities had come along since they first started this. Her kisses were no longer clumsy and unsure. She was much more confident in herself. 

He finally pulled away when she needed a breath. He ran his thumb gently across her jawline. His hand on her hip rubbed circles her hip, running over the bare strip of skin just above her shorts that wasn’t covered by her tank top. 

“Let’s get this off, hm?” He tugged at the edge of her shirt.

She peeled her tank top off, dropping it onto the floor of his office. Elijah admired the lacy bra underneath. Then he gestured to her shorts. She popped the button of them and also pulled them down her legs. 

“There’s my pretty girl,” he practically cooed. “On your knees.” 

He loved how quickly she did what he asked. The girl sank to her knees between his parted thighs. He cupped her chin, running his thumb against her bottom lip. He didn’t need to tell her anything more before she was tugging at his belt. He lifted his hips enough to help her tug his slacks down.

He was already hard. The way she’d whined ‘daddy’ and those little shorts were too much for him. Elijah moved his hand from her chin to her hair. He tried to keep his grip light but it was difficult as she wrapped her hand around his length. 

She leaned down, takiang the tip of his cock into her mouth. “Shit,” Elijah hissed softly. His grip tightened in her hair. She took him further into his mouth. Elijah guided her movements as best he could without making her gag. His hips jumped as she moved to cup his balls.

The girl was only spurred on. Each grunt she pulled from Elijah’s lips sent heat straight through her body. He was always so in control but when she had her lips wrapped around him, he struggled to maintain his composure. 

Elijah had to pull her off. As much as he enjoyed her mouth – she’d learned well over the last weeks – he didn’t want to finish so soon. He couldn’t deny how much he wanted her. She looked gorgeous. Her hair was messy from his grip, her lips were glistening with spit and her eyes were wide with lust. 

“Couch. Now,” he choked out. 

She moved towards where he’d directed her to go. Elijah followed after her, peeling off the rest of his clothes as he did and kicked his shoes off too. She giggled as he pushed her down onto the couch. He swallowed the noise with another searing kiss. 

Her legs wrapped around his waist, drawing him closer until his hips were flush with hers. His mouth moved down her neck. A trail of kisses was left across her neck. He didn’t leave a mark. It would be too obvious with the low cut tank tops she seemed to be tormenting him with recently. 

As he made his way down her neck, her hips rolled against his. A low groan escaped his lips. “You’re killing me here, sweetheart.” 

He couldn’t handle it any more. He snaked his hand around her back, tugging at the clasp of her bra. He tossed it to the side before dipping his head down. He took one of her nipples into his mouth. He always loved the little noises she made when he touched her. Each flick of his tongue made her arch further into his touch. 

He finally pulled his lips away when he’d gotten his fill. He admired the little marks against her skin for a moment. Elijah never liked to leave obvious marks on her so as to not raise suspicions. Hands trailed down her body, peeling her panties down her legs. He pushed her thighs further apart, revealing every inch of her body to his gaze. 

“You’re soaked, princess,” he groaned, swiping a finger through her folds. “You want daddy that bad?” 

“Yes,” she gasped out as he sunk his finger into her. He slowly pumped the digit in and out of her before adding a second. He curled his fingers in a come-hither motion, stroking the spot that always made her cry out.

“Always so tight. You sure you can take my cock?” She nodded, her words stuck in her throat as he pumped his fingers. “I don’t think you can. You can’t even use your words.”

“I–” her answer was cut off as he swiped his thumb across her clit. He was doing it on purpose and she knew it. 

“What was that?” he asked, voice dripping with faux innocence. He pushed a third finger into her aching pussy. “I didn’t quite hear you princess.” 

“I can,” she practically whined. “I can, daddy.” 

Once she said the magic words he pulled his fingers out. He brought them up to his lips, sucking her arousal off. He always enjoyed the taste of her.  

He reached between their bodies. He teased her entrance with the head of his cock for a moment before finally sinking inside. A low groan escaped his lips as his hips finally were flush with hers. 

“Fuck.” He dropped his head against her shoulder as he rolled his hips the first time. The moan he pulled from her lips was obscene and he wanted to do it again and again. “You feel so good, princess. Such a perfect little pussy just for daddy.” 

She clawed at his shoulders, trying to ground herself. But each thrust had her breathless. Elijah filled her up so perfectly. 

He peppered kisses across her shoulder and neck. All he wanted to do was mark her and show everyone that she was his – that this pussy was his – but he couldn’t. It was already risky enough just being with her. But he was desperate to prove that she was his girl.

“You’re mine,” he practically growled. “Say it.”

“All yours, daddy,” she said. “I’m yours.” 

“Good girl,” he cooed. Her words only spurred him on. A hand slipped between their bodies, pressing his thumb against her clit. He rubbed tight circles against it. She clenched around him at the feeling. “Shit–” 

His body was practically melded with hers. His movements grew sloppy as he neared his own edge but he needed her to finish first. He rubbed her clit faster. Her moans only increased in frequency and she felt impossibly tight around his cock. 

“C’mon princess,” he groaned. “Come for daddy.” 

All she needed was his permission before she was coming undone. He swallowed her moans as he kissed her. Her thighs trembled and her toes curled. It only took a few more thrusts before he was finding his own release, spilling his seed inside of her. His movements slowed so they could ride out their high together. 

Her chest was heaving as he pulled out. She looked like a mess. Her hair was plastered to her sweaty forehead, her eyes glazed with pleasure. He kissed her forehead before retreating completely. 

Elijah picked up his boxers, pulling them over his hips as he searched for something to clean her up with. He also grabbed a water bottle from the little mini fridge he kept in his office for students to grab. He returned to her side. 

“You okay?” he asked softly. 

She nodded. “Yeah.” 

A soft smile tugged at his lips as he looked at her. “You’re so perfect.”

He brushed her messy hair out of her face before cleaning up the mess between her thighs. She sipped on the water bottle as he took care of her. Once she was cleaned up, he put his shirt on her. He did the buttons up and pulled her on top of him on the couch. 

He continued to run his hand through her hair, scratching her scalp softly. Soon enough she had dozed off. Elijah smiled to himself. 

“Sleep well princess.”

[greenwriterplaidbow]

Human Connection

Part IV

Last part, next part

Logan Howlett x Reader with injury related memory loss

Word count: 2.5K

A/N: This one is shorter and maybe the weakest section in my opinion but its part 4/6 so it is what it is I guess. IDK tension is definitely a weak area for me, I just want everyone to be happy and get alongggg. Anyways hope you enjoy it all the same. Now I have to actually commit to deciding if I want to end this series with smut or not! I’m leaning towards yes but it feels cringe. Or I’ll give up and write two endings. Decisions are hard and advice is welcomed.

Warnings: a combination of angst and fluff, suggested feminine reader (called Logan’s wife and she/her pronouns)

You stretch and sigh. There is a soft glow coming in through the bottom of the curtains. You feel the heat still radiating off Logan from a few inches away. His arm lays across your midsection. You rub your eyes and move to get up.

His hand on your waist applies more force when you make your attempt to move. He makes a noise. “Come on, stay in bed a little longer. You should be resting anyway. It was nice sleeping in yesterday.”

He lightens up when he feels your muscles relax and stop straining against his arm.

“Relax, I was going to come back. I was just getting up to pee and brush my teeth.”

“I guess that’s okay then. But if you’re not back in 15- I’m finding you and carrying you back to bed.”

“Yeah yeah, okay. I get it, I'll come right back”

He lets his hand slide onto the bed as you get up.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

The minute you're back in bed, Logan is pulling you into himself.

“You act like I was gone for a month, it was literally 5 minutes.” You laugh as he wraps both of his arms around your back and nuzzles his head against you. You slowly run your fingers through his hair and you swear you heard him purring for a second.

“I think it was closer to 6.”

“In that case, how did you make it that long by yourself?!” You try and say without laughing.

“I don't know” his voice was muffled as he pressed his face into your skin.

The two of you sit, enjoying the soft scene together until you break the silence again.

“Did we ever meet in the library? I mean when we first started teaching together.”

“Yes,” Logan nodded and murmured. "Spent a lot of long nights down there.”

“I remember that a little bit. I didn't know if it was a real memory or dreamed memory. They're weirdly hard to tell apart.”

“Tell me what you remember, I can tell you if it's real.”

You thought back to the unorganized segments of memories. Trying to make sense of them as you explained them aloud.

Your own heavy breathing is the only sound in the dark room as you scramble to flick on the lamp and examine the room. It's not the bedroom you've been sleeping in current-day with Logan. This room looks older. After calming yourself, you rub your face and sign into your hands. After throwing on a soft zip-up sweatshirt over your pajamas and sliding your slippers you head out of the room. It's dark and quiet in the long hallways that lead you to a large library. You feel the weight of a messenger bag that holds your laptop, a textbook, and student worksheets. You are surprised that there is already a fire in the fireplace. It isn't until you get closer that you see him. Logan laying on a sofa. Reading a book by the glow of the fire. His eyes only leave the page to look towards you, wordlessly questioning your presence.

“Sorry, I didn't know anyone else would be down here- I'll go,”

“Stay if you want to stay. I’m not fuckin king of the library, you have as much of a right to be here as I do. And I'm not sure how much I trust you to start a fire anywhere else.”

You stand there a second, taking in the positives and negatives of his comments. You make the decision to sit down anyways. You're in a chair right next to the sofa, on the side away from his head. You open your bag and pull out worksheets to start grading. You remember staying there a long time. Neither of you spoke. The ambient crackling of the fireplace and the occasional rustling papers fill the silence. Then your mind flicks to another scene. Same place, same seats, roughly the same time, but now you're rereading a textbook section and you don't have your sweatshirt. Logan is sitting up and a newspaper has replaced his book. You still don’t speak but there seems to be less tension between the two of you. Another scene but now you're both on the sofa. Papers placed on the coffee table, long abandoned in favor of conversation. It changes again. This time you're quietly fighting. Keeping your voices down to respect the rest of the school who could manage to keep a regular sleep schedule while still getting your point across. Logan is in a distinctive red shirt that catches your eye and letting you know that the next skip is the same night. Although now you're not fighting anymore. Now you're leaning against him with your legs over his lap, your knees gently against his chest, all but sitting in his lap; while his arms are loosely around you. Logan holding you soothingly. Your eyes feel wet like you had been crying but looking back into your patchwork memories, you can't remember why. It felt like looking into a broken mirror with missing pieces. You remember other disjointed scenes but they're all similar. The same people, the same place, the same time. You and Logan, in the old library, late nights or early mornings. Most were just calm studying where you both ignored the other but then a jump to another memory and you're cuddled up watching a movie together.

In the present moment, Logan’s fingers rub circular patterns against your leg while he listens.

“Yeah that happened. We met up there a lot. It wasn’t on purpose, not at first. It's a place we both liked to go when we couldn't sleep. When it started, we would just work but you kept coming back. And the longer you stuck around, the more we got to talking.”

“Mmm.” You hummed in understanding even if his explanation didn’t do more than confirm what you could gather from your remembered fragments.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

The rest of the day was generally unremarkable. Logan liked how comfortable you were getting with him. You weren't your old self yet but this was the closest you'd been. The day was mostly divided between Logan using the opportunity to clean while you read your books and went through your teaching material. You went on a walk after supper again, although this time you were more careful about your limits. When you came back, the two of you just planned to rest and have an uneventful evening.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

Logan and you sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch. Your knees were just folded against his manspreaded lap. You flipped through a folder of your class material while Logan read a book. You closed the folder and slid it off your lap, onto the open spot next to you.

“Can I try grading some of my own stuff?”

“You don't have to, I can handle it for you.” He responded without looking up from his novel.

“I want to. I want to feel productive” Logan closed his book and met your eyes.

“Ok. If it’s too much, you don't have to do it all. I’ll go find your answer key on your computer for these two worksheets. Do you want me to print them out?”

“Yes please. Thank you.”

He nods as he sets down his book. His hand lands on your thigh as he stands and you watch him walk down the hall. You're half tempted to follow him for a minute until you hear a soft knock at the door. You look towards the office then back at the front door. ‘Probably just a package or a neighbor or something.’ You think to yourself.

You travel the short distance down to the door and open it cautiously. A nervous-looking young man stands on the other side. His eyes look almost guilty or shameful, but you don't have enough time to analyze him before he speaks.

“Hello. This is the Howletts residence, right?”

“Hello! Yes, it is. You'll have to wait here just a moment for my husband- If we know each other I'm not trying to be rude, I was just recently in an accident, I have a brain injury. I mean they say my memories should come back, it just takes time and-”

“That's what I want to talk to you about actually,”

When Logan emerges from the office, the papers he was carrying back got tossed onto the table. He rushed over to your side.

“Logan Howlett, who are you?”

He thrust one hand towards the stranger while the other one went defensively to your back.

“May I come in?” He takes a step inside the house before either of you answer. “I'd like to speak with you.”

“That's fine, you can speak to us fine right here. Who are you?”

“I'm Dustin, Dustin Steele.. I was drunk last week. I did something stupid, I didn't even know I hurt anyone until I woke up the next morning in a cell. The officers said it was pretty bad but you look fine. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to make it up to you. See how you were doing, you know?”

Long metal claws shot out of his clenched fists in the moment it took Logan to close the distance between himself and the driver, slamming him against the front door. You take several small, quick steps back in surprise. You hear Logan yelling at the man against the door but in your panic, it's like you're hearing it from the bottom of a well. It takes you a moment to snap yourself out of it and take action.

“Logan! Hey, hey. Stop-” You grab his shoulders and pull his arms back at his sides. Obviously, you couldn't hold him back if you tried, you're just trying to make him think before he joins the driver in the 'did something stupid' club.

He took several heavy, angry, uneven breaths. Your hand pushed at his chest to make him take one more step back. The driver was too scared to move.

You let out a quick sigh and answered the driver’s initial question. “Uh yeah I'm fine. My chances of survival are pretty solid at this point. I mean I have no memories because of a traumatic brain injury but I'll be fine.. Logan? Is there anything he can do to make it up to us?”

“I should take your life for what you've taken from me-” Logan takes a step forward causing the driver to slide back against the door while taking a step outside.

Your hand moves up to grip his arm. “Please stop” He sighs but complies with your plea.

“No. I don't think there's anything you can do outside of what you're legally required to do.”

“I-I see. Well you have a nice day.. again, I'm sorry”

“Yeah.” As soon as he gets a reply, he darts away from the door, almost sprinting away from the house.

Logan slams the door and you make your way upstairs. When you got to the top you still feel the adrenaline running through you and reach out for the kitchen counter for support. You struggle to catch your breath as your composure crumbles and you try to keep from slipping into a panic attack. Your brain tortures you by showing the image of Logan yelling on repeat. Your heart felt like it could stop beating at any moment. It was going so fast you felt like it might start skipping beats. You’re brought back to reality when you feel Logan's hand touch your arm. You jumped back a bit without thinking.

He repeated the question you hadn't heard him ask. "Are you alright?"

“Yeah, yeah. I'm- I'm fine.” You’re still struggling to control your breathing.

Logan softly says your name before he asks, “Are you.. scared of me?”

“Yes!” You say louder than you mean as you turn your body to face him. “Right now, I kind of have a reason to be! I just saw you yell at that guy, you got up in his face. You were trying to intimidate him, it was kind of scary. You were so loud. And you're a big guy, it really doesn't take much,”

“I wasn't trying to intimidate him- I was going to hurt him-”

“Not helping your case.” You cut him off, not wanting to hear the rest of his statement.

“For what he did to you? He deserves to rot in hell.”

“No he does not! He's young, plenty old enough to know better but still, he doesn't even look like he's out of college. This shouldn't ruin his life.” Your panic starting to be replaced by frustration.

“Like hell it shouldn't, he could've killed you. What if it wasn't you, what if it was a little kid, anyone in that backseat wouldn't have lived.“ Logan carefully stepped closer to you as he made his point, you stepped back.

“Yes, it could've been worse but let's just be thankful it wasn't. It was a stupid mistake. He shouldn't have been doing it of course but his punishment is not death.”

“You're right, death would be too easy.”

“No! What's wrong with you?? The justice system will handle him. I can admit, it's far from a great system but that's not a choice we get to make. If you want to see change, you don't start with things that are personal. You would-”

“I don't want to see change, I'm just pissed at that guy” He motioned towards the door as he spoke.

“You'll get over it”

“But-”

“Stop being pissed at him when you could be happy with me.”

Logan shrugged. “I can do both.”

Your hand goes to your forehead as you try to decide the best way to handle the situation.

“Logan..” With a sigh you determine there isn't much more you can do to reiterate your point. “I’m.. I’m going to go to bed. I'll grade that stuff in the morning.”

His jaw clenched. “Okay.. I’m going to read out here a bit longer, then I'll be in too. You don't need to keep a lamp on for me though.”

You nod and step around him to walk to your bedroom.

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It was cold in the dark room without him. The feeling of loneliness you felt the first day back in your own bed was creeping in again. Your mind circled around your argument with Logan, the way he treated the driver, your few memories of earlier fights. Round and around, keeping you awake.

It was two hours before Logan quietly entered the room. When he climbed into bed you were surprised that he didn't move to touch you. That was the routine the two of you had gotten into and you had hoped his comforting warmth would drown out your thoughts. But he stayed back. Still close to you but never closing the gap. You wordlessly took matters into your own hands, sliding back and moving his arm around you.

“You're still awake? I thou-”

“Shut up.”

Your lingering frustration combined with your lack of sleep made you snap at him more than you intended. Logan got the message; this isn't an olive branch, you’re still upset. He still found some peace knowing that even when you're upset, he still provided you a sense of safety and comfort.

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Taglist: @kemi707 @klwrites @fluff-lover @a-leg-without-fear @aoi-targaryen @vofriviasblog @jupiter-sky @crypt1dcat @karencaribou @Persepolys @Just-a-maggot

[genericpuff]

say sike right now, she's actually going back to The Doctor Pepper Show-

Like, this is just "What if The Doctor Pepper Show and LO had a baby?" Because at this point it's very clear Rachel only knows how to write from inside her own head, which is full of unresolved salt towards her childhood and medical fetish shit. The imagery in the first panel is very LO, and the imagery in the second is literally The Doctor Foxglove Show-

Evidently she's been reskinning the same shit for years-

Listen, I've been, for the most part, keeping my lips sealed on a lot of Rachel's old projects and what I've dug up on her previous works, for a few reasons:

1.) We were all cringe on the Internet at some point in time and a lot of these older works, such as Freak Scene Surgery and The Doctor Pepper Show, would have been from when she was in her late teens / early 20's. I'm not here to judge Rachel's personal preferences or whatever kind of fetishes she's into. It's totally normal, expected even, for a lot of creators to have older works they're trying to bury or disconnect themselves from because it's simply not them anymore.

2.) Ultimately I've been focused on discussion around Lore Olympus and Rachel as she currently operates as a creator, so I don't want to go digging up her old skeletons as any sort of "gotcha" towards LO today. Ultimately a lot of these works don't have anything to really 'do' with LO as it exists today.

That said, the reason I'm bringing it up now is because these new series... are bridging that gap that I've been avoiding for ages now. The gap that's filled with skeletons of Rachel's past that she's trying to both disconnect herself from but now fall back on with LO come and gone. It almost goes to show that her being a one-note pony goes back since far before LO - these are literally the only ideas she's able to come up with at this point, and it's painfully obvious in how both these new "graphic novel pitches" are pretty much the exact same and could apply to the same character, and that character may as well just be Persephone, i.e. Rachel, all over again.

Like, I'm calling it now, Patients in the Dark is just gonna be more "moms are bad" rhetoric, and Eleanor's Deathbed is gonna be Hades and Persephone, but replace Hades with some death god and Persephone with a training mortician, which is basically also still just Foxglove training to be a doctor, and Icy Shaw bragging about fondling corpses.

If anything, now that Webtoons is no longer carrying her around on their shoulders, this is gonna be Rachel's moment of "put up or shut up". She can either actually put in an active effort to write something that's decent, or she can flounder under the weight of her own tired mediocrity that's been knocking at her door for years now. As much as she's using her labels that were bought for her to sell these books which aren't even in real development yet-

-Webtoons isn't gonna be there to buy her Eisners forever. This is entirely on her and the imprint that Webtoons shoved her into. Her process is still the same, she's learned nothing from the experience of making LO, she's just got the money and awards now and is trying to run with it, but all she has are the same tired pitch lines that she's been using for decades now and just so happened to work with LO because LO had both Webtoons and the appeal of it being a Greek myth "retelling" to carry it into fame.

I'm gonna go into a bit of a tangent here, but it's been weighing on my mind since I found out this news and have been discussing it with pals within the ULO circle. Rachel once said in an interview that she wanted to use her platform to raise awareness of issues regarding sexual assault, mental health, and "the patriarchy":

"Who do you know that hasn’t been sexually assaulted? The number is depressingly low, right? Why is that? There is no short answer or an easy fix. I have a platform. I can tell a story that will hopefully educate and help others feel acknowledged and vindicated." - Rachel Smythe, Interview with Gossamer Rainbow

"...obviously I'm very feminist, and that sort of stuff really matters to me, um, the best way to approach this question is… I began, the pilot was written in sort of mid-2017, and I think what I wanted, what I wanted to achieve, and I don't even know… probably in 5 years time I don't know how I'm going to feel about this but I'm taking the risk, I really wanted to write a story where, uh…this female character goes through these things and I think what I wanted to do, what I wanted to achieve, was like a really common, I can't speak for like, men, but I can definitely speak for like, you know, if you're sitting in a group of your female friends and you're like "Hey! Who's been sexually assaulted?" … The response is going to be really depressing… Most female people that you know have probably experienced sexual assault to, on one level or another, and I'm like, for me I'm like "Why is that? Why?" And is it because there is a lack of information, lack of education, like what is it? And I'm lucky enough to have a platform and I'm like, if I could just provide some information in story format, would that help? Is this what I can contribute? So I feel like, especially, when writing sexual assault in media often it's… it's a way for the main male character to be, like, uplifted to hero-ness by, usually like, violence is the way to fix the problem, and that's not the approach that I want to take… um, I think [sighs], oh god, sorry I've lost my train of thought, [sighs], yeah, I think a lot of the time in movies when they, like, show rapists or something it's generally someone who's jumped out from behind the tree at a lady in a park and it's not really how it is like 90% of the time [laughs], so I just wanted to make something realistic where people could at it and be, like, "hey, nagging someone into sex isn't cool" or like removing all of their opportunities to say no isn't cool, or for someone to look at it, and just like feel validation, this is me trying, trying my best to make a difference with the platform that I have, and yeah, this is my roundabout answer for it" - Rachel Smythe, Interview with The Comic Source

And yet not once has Rachel actually used her platform for good outside of herself. She just asks the question, "Sexual assault?" and then writes off the answer "yes, it's bad!" and it especially shows in LO where the resolution to the one plotline she kept around to draw in readers was "assaulters are sent to the timeout corner!" Sure, it works for the readers who are simply seeking validation that their experiences aren't unique to themselves, but is it actually doing any real work to talk about the systems in place that leads to people like Apollo being created? Is it doing anything to address purity culture as it exists and the double standards that exist for women who are navigating sexual relationships? Is it doing anything to take the discussion outside of the narrative and put it into action through support of women's shelters, charities, mental health support for men, etc.? Not really. Like many of Rachel's ideas throughout LO, she simply goes, "Men, amirite?" and the answer is "yeah men suck!" and nothing more. The answer to the entire SA plotline is "rape is bad, don't do it" when anyone who could even relate to that conclusion in the first place already knows that.

Ultimately the activism she claims she's trying to do doesn't actually service the issue at hand - it just services herself and her own insecurities, her own unresolved trauma, her own need for validation through Eisners and merch sales. She asks the question, "Who hasn't been assaulted?" so that when she responds to the women who come forward and relate to Persephone, it's with the intent of getting them to read LO and buy her merchandise. She winds up making herself the center of other people's experiences, even ones that she cannot relate to. At BEST her attempts to "use her platform" as a means of starting discussion around ongoing societal issues like the patriarchy and sexual assault towards women is about as effective as Bell #LetsTalk, it's purely performative, self-profiting, and offers nothing of real tangibility.

If she just wants to write her own self-empowering personal works, that would be fine. Plenty of creators do it. Art is, at its core, self-expression. But it's extremely telling that she's built a platform off her self-expression, and twisted it into what she believes to be "activism" and "feminism", so that she can continue to profit off it in her future works such as this, which, again, are just reskins of her previous projects which were largely centered around the fetishizing of abuse towards women.

I don't want to claim that this is what it is, but... how much of the "feminism" in LO is done purely through the lens of victimizing women? Why is there more effort put into torturing female characters like Hera, and Demeter, and Minthe, and even Persephone to a certain degree, than there is into actually addressing the larger issue that she's claiming she wants to shed light on and resolving her questions with actionable answers?

That is the only question I will leave you all with. I am absolutely 100% not planning on touching these works with a ten foot pole, even if they should come to fruition. With the recent realization that she was into artists like Trevor Brown, alongside the fact that we've known for a long time she's into Lolita and there are very clear parallels to draw between it and LO, I think it's safe to say at this point that Rachel's work is not something I want to continue to support even when it's "hate reading". Again, I'm not going to outright accuse her of anything, but I feel like the writing is clearly on the wall here and I'm taking that writing as my warning to steer clear.

I didn't want to discuss the elephant in the room - her older works as they exist in the distant past of the early 2000's - but she's now riding the elephant.

[desertsanctuary-blog]

I'm quite curious about your view of monsterkind. Because from what I've seen so far, I see that you hold a rather negative perspective on them, which is understandable considering what happened to the previous six souls. But I feel like this point of view ignores quite a few things shown in canon, like the fact that, according to you, humans have "forgiven" monsters and don't seek war, but monsterkind does, and that because of this, monsters are wrong. This overlooks the fact that while monsters do live in a relatively functional society, they still have a considerable number of problems from living underground. They weren't sent there out of mercy. The war was literally a massacre by humans, and they were sent underground to rot. They survived almost by miracle. Their main power source (the core) has to be constantly cooled manually, otherwise it would literally explode, killing them all. All the technology they've developed has been built solely thanks to the garbage humans leave there, and the general environment isn't good either. Many monsters tell you, when you talk to them, that they feel trapped and sometimes hopeless because of their situation. In addition to this, there's the fact that their entire view of humans is based on their history (the consequences of which still affect them), a history that not only mentions that humans are much stronger than them in almost every way and that they are evil in every way, but also that said vision and history are everywhere, in books, legends, and on walls. Aside from all the monsters being blamed for celebrating the deaths of children, when it's explicit in the game that most don't even know what humans look like (Undyne and Alphys literally only have the anime as a reference, and in it, there may be 500-year-old characters who look 10). Adding to this, one can justify the hatred by saying that they wouldn't have to be afraid of Frisk as an infant, but the fact that the genocide route exists, where we literally hunt them down without any problems despite Frisk being just a child, shows that they do have something to fear. I'm sorry this is so much text, but I had this whole argument stuck in my head and had to get it out, haha. +Just to be clear, I have nothing against your au. I like your interpretation of Ut and UTY, especially your treatment of Asgore and his actions, but I've seen more and more people justifying their hatred of monsters and the genocidal route with arguments that, if applied to the real world, would deserve one or two cancellations. TBF, you don't have to answer all this if it's just bothering you. It was a lot of text, and I just wanted to vent. I blame Google Translate for any spelling mistakes 👍

Please, next time you write such a large body of text, use paragraphs. I'll try to respond to your points, but I am definitely going to miss some.

Onto the topic. Don't get me wrong. I feel bad for the Monsters. They didn't deserve to be locked under a mountain for a thousand years. Keep in mind that 'Undeserving' does NOT mean 'Innocent'. Far from it.

Why did the War happen?

A common misconception in the fandom is that the human attack was unprovoked. That cannot be further from the truth. Monsters have a surprisingly detailed knowledge of what happens when they absorb one or even multiple human souls. There's even an ancient drawing of the result in Waterfall.

Odds are, some power-hungry Monsters were trying to harvest as many souls as possible. Even if they didn't know the exact number, enough souls would eventually lead to being capable of effortlessly wiping out all life on the planet. As a result, medieval humanity decided that the best course of action was to remove any possibility of such a threat existing.

Are current humans guilty?

You said that I claimed that humans forgave Monsters. I never said such a thing. Humans forgot Monsters and the war. Modern humanity has nothing to do with the war. Punishing them for something they never even heard about, especially with something as severe as EXTINCTION, is wrong.

Are Monsters reliable narrators?

You said that Monster's view of humanity is based on their history. That's not history, that's propaganda. Designed to make their hatred fester and grow with time, rather than mellow down. "Our souls are made of kindness and compassion, but humans have shown us that they don't need those to exist." That is bullshit if I ever heard it. Why do you think the average Monster doesn't know a human if they are right in front of them? They never bothered to educate their young about who and what humans are beyond the war. Even Undyne couldn't tell fiction and history apart.

It's for this exact reason that the Museum exists. It's to show them who we are. Our greatest achievements as well as our failures. That's why Dalv became a scholar trying to decipher the stories of the Fallen Children. To show that they weren't enemies, but rather children scared for their lives. Victims of the situation, Monsters forced on them.

Are Monsters held accountable for their actions?

The reason my view of Monsters can appear so negative is because the way that the fandom and the game itself view them is too positive. Nobody acknowledges their mistakes. The game works too hard to paint Monsters as the victims that did no wrong, even going as far as to claim that Monsters are much weaker than humans, despite all of the evidence arguing that that isn't the case. Undyne literally tells Frisk that their existence is a crime and that the only good thing that they can do is fucking kill themselves, and then we're supposed to act like they're 'besties' after one disatseerous cooking sesstion.

The Monsters never bother to apologise to Frisk for TRYING TO KILL THEM. When Asgore tries, it's played off as a joke. This basically tells me that Monsters shouldn't be held accountable for their actions. The fact that nobody is mad that Alphys mutilated and fused their loved ones together, forcing them to live in constant pain, doesn't help. The fact that all of the major characters in Yellow apologised for attacking Clover is one of the reasons why I prefer them over the originals.

Conclstions

I hope that I was able to satisfy you with my answers. While I agree that the Genocide route is wrong, that doesn't mean that Monsters should get away with their actions scot-free.

[chaos-and-sparkles]

In Which I Ramble About Pavitr's Character Design and the Indian Cultural Stuff Related to It

DISCLAIMER: I'm an Indian, and these are all my thoughts and analyses, but I'm also just one person and by no means am I speaking for everyone. I am not all knowing, and I am not immune to being wrong sometimes. These points are all my own thoughts and stuff that I know through my lived cultural experiences and some history and book knowledge, but I've not particularly researched any of these. I'm just out here giving my take from what I know. This is mostly just going to be me rambling, okay? Okay. Let's go!

Anyway okay so I just wanna go from the top down:

No. 1:

First of all his hair

His fucking hair

This is one aspect that i k n o w I'm overthinking and probably wasn't as significantly thought out in the design but it just Spoke to me and by all accounts I'm not the only one

But I'm so glad we have him with his thick gorgeous fricking hair, especially them being like curly/wavy and slightly long instead of straight and cropped or whatever

Like. Indians usually have very thick and luscious hair, not everyone ofc but generally it's a thing, and it's considered a point of pride to have long dark thick hair.

And the thing is for the longest time the beauty standard in India was to have very straight and shiny hair, all the actresses and heroes were doing it, even though that's literally not the realistic case for a lot lot LOT of Indians. There's a pretty big variety of hair texture in India; some of it is regionally concentrated too, eg. in South India you get a lot of frizzy, tightly coiled hair that's rough textured, whereas curly hair is usually silkier and looser curled as you go Northwards,, Bengalis tend to have very wavy thick hair,, etc. By no means a rule or anything, it's just a thing that there's a lot of curl variety and a lot of it was for the longest time considered ugly and unkempt (there are some classist/regionalist elements to this stereotype also unsurprisingly) still is by some people,,, bc the standard was Shiny Straight Hair. It's a standard that's slowly shifting. It's currently leaning more on the wavy and voluminous side. But it's def a thing still.

All that to say, it makes me so so happy to see Pav with his curly-ish lush hair that he wears with such pride and style,, that are a symbol of his own pride and self care too!!!

Also the line about "coconut oil, prayers and good genetics" - I LOVE THAT REFERENCE AHAHABSSK, using coconut oil for the hair is a very common thing here, it's so so good for the hair and the scalp alike and it's relaxing to massage it in too.

I've seen people try to write Pavitr in fics as "quickly brushing some coconut oil through his hair" as part of his morning routine and. Um. That's not how it's done askaskjas, I don't mean to be rude to the writers at all, everyone does the best with what they know and no one knows everything, but also practically speaking that would be greasy and awful.

There are multiple ways to apply coconut oil, ofc. Coconut oil is often massaged into the scalp and rubbed into the hair like an hour before washing, sometimes with lemon juice mixed in, and then washed off when bathing. Some people, especially those with drier and finer hair, apply it as a regular after-hair-wash thing, too, but even so it needs to be rubbed in.

A really beloved thing we have is coconut oil champis, too! This is basically when you sit down cross legged in front of youe mother/grandmother, and she massages the coconut oil into your scalp and hair in a way that literally cures all tension and headaches and leaves your head reeling and is so so good for hair and stress and everything. It's a family bonding thing more than just a hair routine. It's not always done by the mom/grandmother ofc, it's just how most of us first experience it, and they have a technique that none of us can ever quite replicate to the same effect later. As we grow up, we often do it for ourselves and for others. It's a weekly or monthly or even just occasional thing depending on who you ask. But yeah that reference was great I love it dearly!

Also about the hair length

So in the current modern "civilized" standard (Indian schools and society in general tend to do a lot of shit trying to assimilate us into western culture and stamp out our own,, for example all my life I've been in schools where speaking Hindi and Telugu and stuff in class or in the hallways was Wrong and Forbidden and We Must Speak Only In English Bc We Are Educated And Cultured. This is so fucking hypocritical bc they would also have Hindi and Telugu classes and then criticize us for not getting it right or whatever), boys are meant to have short hair. Teachers literally single boys out in class for leaving their hair longer, not the exact length they set as the limit. This was my entire school experience; thankfully it doesn't seem to be the case in college, but that may just be bc I'm in an artsy college. In the workplace it's less stringent but it's still a thing.

HOWEVER, historically and culturally, long hair was considered good and even Important for both men and women. There's huge regional variations in this ofc; Maratha peshwas and higher classes and stuff for example wore a "pilaka" (idk what else it's called), which is the head shaven clean except a tuft in the middle that's sometimes braided. Brahmins still do it too.

But my point being, long hair was considered good for the most part, at most it would be worn in a bun for fighting and working,,, braids are a pretty big deal too. Having to cut your hair short=a symbol of dishonour and/or exile, or reserved for menial workers and so called "low classes".

(This is not stuff you even get explicitly told btw. This is stuff I've mostly inferred and studied from history and mythology and stuff , so there's no guarantee I'm 100% right)

Also, in Sikkhism (I'm not Sikh myself so correct me if I'm wrong, this is just what I know) having long hair is super fucking important for men. The hair is wrapped up in the turban, and the turban is a symbol of honour and pride and literally considered life. The long hair is considered sacred.

Removing the turban is basically a symbol of literally losing your honour pride and sense of self,, not just in Sikkhism, just generally at this point. Cutting your hair? Insult on injury.

Pavitr doesn't have particularly long hair ofc

But having grown up with such rigidly enforced things abt boys having very short cropped hair, it makes me so happy to see an Indian character who defies that.

Also!! Quick tangent about braids and their significance,, they're considered very beautiful and another symbol of pride, intricate buns and what not too! Just wanna drop this to give you an idea of what i mean:

In the Hindu myth of the Mahabharata, Draupadi, the wife of the Pandavas (she's a very interesting and important and beloved character, regionally also considered a goddess, she was a princess born of fire married to five princes and the vengeance for her honour literally fuelled the war for righteousness etc etc) vows never to braid her hair again until she has washed it in the blood of Dushasana, a man who forcefully tried to disrobe her in court (it's a whole myth of its own). At the apex of the war, Bheem, her husband, brings her his blood. She washes her hair in it and then for the first time in thirteen years, she braids it.

Braids are not as significant now but it was basically a Pretty Big Deal and I just wanted to talk abt it.

In Hinduism too the gods are portrayed with long hair, it's a Thing.

No. 2:

Okay so moving more downwards,, I have a bunch of Thoughts abt Pavs mask design!

Okay so obv we have the spiderweb-pattern that's a given.

But. The interesting parts are these:

The bindi-like design on his forehead.

Bc my point is

Sure that looks like a bindi. And that's beautiful in itself but I HAVE ANOTHER TAKE

Bindis are traditionally worn by women as a symbol of beauty, prosperity, and again, pride. But while nice, that's not quite a symbolism that fits imo

You know what else is ver similar where my mind immediately goes? A tilak.

The shape is kind of off for a tilak actually, a tilak is more of a U or a V with a dot or a flame-like stroke in the middle. So in that case it looks more like a bindi

But i really like thinking that it's inspired by a tilak too, bc

While a bindi is a decorative mark stuck or painted on a woman's forehead as a symbol of beauty and prosperity

A tilak is basically a mark that's finger-painted on the forehead of , usually a man but there's a softer smaller version for women too and ofc there are women warriors who got tilaks, for auspicious and blessing reasons. So in a Puja or ceremony, a tilak is put as a blessing and an auspicious thing, also meant to impart strength. The head of the household usually gets the most striking or biggest one.

Pandits usually wear tilaks for blessing purposes too, although their design is different and more elaborate than the ones given to others

Gods and goddesses had their own tilaks, some of them very distinctive like Shiva's

The part that applies to Pav is the warrior tilak

Basically before a king or warrior went to battle, it was customary to do a small sending off ritual and for the wife or mother to put the tilak for them and say "Vijay bhava" (may you be victorious)

It's still done for big undertakings and challenges like exams and new jobs and stuff.

It's basically for strength, bravery and victory

The main difference in a bindi and tilak is the intent:

Bindi is for beauty

Tilak is for valour

Which. For a HERO. Just. Chef's kiss.

2. the markings around his eyes!!

I'm sure this has been said before, but it's very very reminiscent of kathakali makeup.

Regionally there's a lot of eye makeup stuff also btw. There are some absolutely beautiful tribal designs and regional designs with a lot of colours but I cant remember specifics rn

Also!! The very distinctive black lines around Pav's eyes?? I love them sm bc they feel so so based in kohl and kajal. Another huge beauty and often pride related thing.

There's even a whole thing where a mother or older sister will often rub a bit of her kohl off on her fingertip and press it behind their loved one's ear so that "buri nazar na lage" (no one's bad gaze catches you). It's called a kaala teeka

The idea being that you're so beautiful and/or cute and bright and lovable and nothing should jinx that and nothing bad should happen to you. It's very rare now and I've never experienced it myself but it's so so precious <33

3. the white markings on his cheeks!

I've seen that explanation of how it's reminiscent of Ganesha, the elephant headed god who is kind of a symbol of new beginnings, intelligence, prosperity, and a ton of stuff I don't even know how to explain honestly, but he's very cool and beloved and has a lot of Good Vibes™ and i love him basically.

I personally am reminded more of kathakali makeup again!! But that explanation is very cool too and i like it!! I don't know if I agree bc i think it m i g h t be a blasphemy to have that imagery on your face, afaik no one here does it for any reasons and we have literal festivals and pujas dedicated to Ganesha

But then again I am a human with limited knowledge and i don't know everything

I personally think the tusk like designs are very cool. However, I also think it would be a bit of a No No for religious reasons. I also think it reminds me more of classical dance face makeup and stuff.

I also think if they meant to make it a Ganesha reference, then he should only have a tusk on one side, bc there's a huge deal about Ganesha being "ekdanta" (transl: one toothed) bc he has a well known myth of breaking off one of his tusks to write a mythologically and culturally significant epic.

There are also a lot of actual cultural face painting things in India that are way cooler than the Ganesha thing in my opinion. So while that theory is cool, I don't personally agree with it. I could be wrong, again, idk what the design intent was exactly.

No. 3:

Next thing: this is a very very small thing and i only have a sentence on it, but i really appreciate Pav's neckline in his suit.

The neckline here? That's the kind of cut that's most typical of kurtas. Especially more ceremonial, kingly, wedding sherwani, or generally festive attire; a regular kurti might have a v-neck or something, but this curved collar? Very Indian and classy in a way I can't fully explain.

No. 4:

This next thing I'm going to go completely ballistic about, everyone hold on to your seats!!!

THE FUCKING MOTIF ON HIS UPPER ARMS. IT'S EVEN ON THE MEHENDI-ISH PATTERN ON HIS WRISTS AND HANDS. THE SPIDER SHAPE TOO. I AM NOT NORMAL OKAY

LISTEN.

LISTEN TO ME

TBIS IS CONFIRMATION THAT KRISHNA PAVITR IS CANON

HE IS SO SO KRISHNA CODED

Idc if I'm delusional, i DARE you to look at that blue design and tell me it doesn't look like a peacock feather

THE SHAPE OF HIS FUCKING SPIDER IS OH SO SUBTLY CURVED TO BE PEACOCK FEATHER SHAPED TOO

There is no human way for me to be normal about this i need a minute

Okay for context:

Krishna is a very important and beloved god in Hinduism. I cannot overstate the love I have for him, even being mostly non religious myself.

There is SO MUCH about him he is such a big deal and thanks to him being made a character in popular Indian cartoons and so many animated and live action movies being made about him, he is literally woven in the fabric of our collective consciousness and love for our culture

He's a mischevious and fun and chaotic and lowkey antiestablishment kid deity. He contains the literal universe. He has a deep abiding love for his people and his family and loved ones and the world he serves. He is a dancer, flute player, sweetheart, lover of life. He has a thousand wives, yet one Radha who he never married but is his literal immortalized soulmate. He guides heroes to duty. He is full of wisdom but also silly hijinks. He is so so beloved.

The peacock feather is his symbol! You could see the peacock feather anywhere and it's immediately OH KRISHNA! He wears a peacock feather, famously. In all his iterations, from childhood to adulthood. Peacock feather is his emblem.

Krishna is depicted through the peacock feather. It's become a very common motif in arts like mehendi and various textile arts to have peacock feather and peacock patterns; I'm sure that existed before Krishna too in several cultural circles but he is definitely a huge part of it since. There is a chikankari motif that is very recognisable that's reminiscent of peacock feather but I'm mostly unsourced on that, going off my own interpretation

But there's a definite link between peacock feather=Krishna=inextricable part of culture and art.

At least in North India. He's less of a big deal the further south you go. Still very widespread and overall loved tho.

So anyway seeing that peacock feather type motif on Pav?? Mixed with his Spiderman identity??? Is so amazing to me.

Krishna coded Pavitr real ✨

(Also yeah people have already pointed out that Pav's hand designs are based on mehendi so I don't need to go into that askjasjkas)

No. 5:

Also. Huge fan of his arm cuffs. It's just another Indian warrior thing; often in ye olde times and in mythology, the cuff would be a lot simpler, often just a thread with an amulet to grant you protection. But it steadily became fancier, and now it can be decorative or a valour thing or both

Very often just decorative now actually. Often seen in weddings and ceremonies too

No. 6:

Okay about his bangles now:

I absolutely LOVE THEM I love them so much I am so obsessed with them actually!!

So. First of all

I remember there being a confusion in like earlier fics especially on whether they were bracelets or damrus or bangles or what

And i have Thoughts

So first of all

They are not damrus/damarus.

Damarus are a musical instrument made of wood and with two beaded ropes to beat on the small drum-like ends. They're also symbols of lord Shiva who uses a damaru.

They are very different from what Pav wears and i remember my fucking whiplash when earlier fics called his bangles damarus. I think i choked on my maggi.

I don't mean to be rude to the writers ofc, they were doing the best with what they knew. But it's just very jarring to me to hear that

I think an explanation I heard was that Pav's web shooter design was inspired by damarus? Which yeah I get that and I actually wanna talk about it bc I very much see it. But they are very much NOT damarus themselves

So

First of all i personally have never seen nor heard of the kind of bangles Pav wears which appear to have a strip of cloth in the middle? While being gold cuffs on both ends? Which is new and interesting actually and opens up aspects abt his character that i find really interesting

Bc first of all: that implies he made them himself from stuff he already had inspired by things he saw. It seems, at least to me, like he used bangles/kadas he had to make the shooters he uses, which are designed the way they are for easier slinging and his cool tricks with them which would be harder if they were solid gold, and also the shape when he does the cool yoyo-y trick and hits The Spot with it and everything is very damaru shape. Which is also pretty cool if it's meant as a reference to Shiva and his damaru (he's a very fierce god with the damaru) or a reference to the street performers who use it nowadays.

Either way - and also additionally the fact that PAV LITERALLY DOUBLED HIS BANGLES AS WEB SHOOTERS WHICH IS SO CREATIVE AND SMART - and developed his own whole signature skillset with it?? And made his own bangle/shooters as I said before????

My boy is PEAK jugaadu

He is the embodiment of jugaad

Never has anything been so true to the Indian spirit than jugaad

Okay so for context, the jugaad that I keep talking about:

It basically means makeshifting and/or inventing stuff you need from the limited stuff you have. That's a very simple way of explaining it. Just imagine that, but up the silliness level x100.

For example, a guy jugaaded a showerhead by poking holes in a sprite bottle and putting a hose in it and routing it to the tap.

Jugaad can be both very smart, and very funny and silly

And it usually involves combining useless stuff/trash/just stuff you had lying around to make smth that you didn't wanna waste money buying, and often ends up having more functions than the stuff it was meant to replace. This but it's also very crackheaded. Like idk how to explain. It's basically makeshifting, but it's just developed into such an Indian Spirit Thing™ that we have a word for it

So i love that Pavitr's bangles do all of that. He is a true Indian boy to his core!

No. 7:

Okay I have thoughts on his dhoti too!

So.

Blue.

I know why they used blue for his dhoti, what with the spiderman colours, the need to complement his bright red with smth softer, and everything. I get it and i love it so so much. What I'm about to say next is not a complaint against this at all, it's very good design imo

But.

Everytime I look at him in his fucking blue dhoti

I just remember all the times my grandmother has apprehended me and made me go and change for trying to wear blue or black at a Puja

Bc they're apparently unholy colours ;_;

Basically yellow, saffron, red are the appropriate holy colours. Now that i think about it, I've never seen a god or mythological king depicted in a blue dhoti or generally blue clothing either - farthest they go from the three i described is pink or green

I never really thought about it until my Nani pointed it out. I'm still not sure if anyone except her even knew or cared about it.

But that is the memory that bonks me on the head every time i Perceive the blue dhoti

Bro upgraded from funeral colour (white, which is his dhoti in the comics and absolutely infuriates me on a visceral level) to unholy colour askaskjjska it's so funny to me

Purple was still a luxurious colour, but generally warmer and/or lighter colours are The Done Thing. It's an old notion and the cultural connotations are now very diluted by Western influence and also none of us Caring about a lot of it anymore (not necessarily a good or bad thing particularly)

Indigo also has. Loaded connotations.

Because Britain did a Colonialism and a lot of Indians suffered for it. It's a whole history lesson.

I would rather not get into the whole details but basically Indigo (the plant from which the dye was made) was a valuable commodity and Britishers essentially forced farmers to grow only that, ignoring their need to grow food or sustenance or care for the land in general, especially in the Bihar-UP regions. There were eventually a lot of revolts where many people, esp farmers, died.

Basically a double whammy of starvation and death as a direct result of colonialism. It was a major part, historically, that sparked rage for the freedom movement

If you wanna learn more abt it you can search up Champaran farmer revolts!

Also about the drape of Pav's dhoti:

I've seen a couple of memes and reels abt how Pav, in an emergency, suiting up for Spiderman duty, would be taking an hour to drape the dhoti and stuff

And those are hilarious and i love them

But also

That's literally not even a proper dhoti -

So the thing pav wears is basically more of dhoti-pants with a cummerbund.

So okay I need to explain this better hold on

A dhoti is basically a sheet of fabric that is draped around the waist and down. The elaborateness of the cloth can vary vastly from intricately patterned silk and brocade, to plain white cotton with a thin gold border optional

The drape of the dhoti varies even more depending on region, occasion, occupation, and status. You can have everything from the casual simple towel like drape and tuck that some men wear to relax on a daily basis, to an intricate thing with many folds and pleats and tucks and the middle part that hangs (I forget the name for that) that would actually legitimately take hours and is often adorned with jewellery . To a thing that's flexible to move in and also looks very pretty and is genderneutral some dance forms call for.

Basically. The drape varies vastly. And it's all one cloth, maybe a second one for a separate cummerbund sometimes, I'm not that well versed abt dhotis tbh.

But the thing Pav wears?? It doesn't seem to me to be folded the way I've ever seen any dhoti

The way it's folded and shaped is not how those style of dhotis work. There would be a lot more pleats and folds, for one. But it's not shaped the way to match the less-folded dhotis either.

Now, I'm no dhoti expert, but that leads me to believe that's not a full on dhoti. What it's more likely to be is dhoti-pants

Dhoti pants are this fusion thing. It's in the name. I haven't seen it much but I know/think/am pretty sure its a thing, bc most Indian guys now don't know how to drape a dhoti either and it's a good solution. Worn like a pant, looks like a dhoti. Simple. A cummerbund for the middle drape, and you're set!

Also side note: the fold with the distinct two legs and the middle drape that Pav has? Is the most commonly depicted warrior and king drape,, at least in North and Middle India, I'm not as well versed about the South but I think it's the case there too. The gods are depicted in that drape too

I have fewer comments on his leg design, I like that it's reminiscent of mehendi even on his feet bc yeah that's also done on the feet, although rarer now and also a bridal thing

No. 7:

He has gold cuffs on his ankles that I really like!

Okay so here's the interesting thing:

I could be wrong, but

But that kind of thick ankle cuff is not actually an Indian thing?? At least not in the warrior hero context that a lot of his design seems based on. At least not of that shape and width.

What we do have though are very simple metal ankle cuffs put on (I think) one ankle of young kids for protection,, again a tradition I'm not very familiar with, it's more localised

The other thing we have that's more interesting tho:

We have payals and ghungroos!!! Which opens up so many exciting prospects to me because those are both dancer things

Like. The payals are ornamental. They are beauty things as well. All women would wear them, their elaborateness and style depending on status, money, and region ofc

They double as dance and performance things too ofc

But ghungroos are specifically dance things

Very very sacred and honoured to the dancers, too. Quite personal

(These are all little bells on the ghungroos btw!! Hundreds of them. They ring out when the dancers dance)

This is what Pav's ankle cuffs most remind me of. It's not the same thing ofc, and idk if the designers were even thinking of this.

But it would be really cool if he was inspired by ghungroos to have cuffs of similar thickness and placement on his legs. Perhaps even familiar to him hmmm?

This is me theorizing HARD to support my headcanon, but combined with Pav's classical dance-n-martial-arts-y moves, i present to you: Pav learning classical dance when he was younger (a thing that a lot of Indian kids do and only a few seriously continue for their lives) is real.

I rest my case

Like yeah it's known at this point that Pav's moves are based a lot off the martial art of kalaripayattu. Which is SO AMAZING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! But I also think this would be a cool influence alongside that, bc it really feels visible too.

No. 8:

The fact that Pavitr is barefoot is so so important and dear to me!!!

In Indian culture, you're supposed to take your shoes off as a mark of respect, before entering the ranabhoomi (literal transl: battleground, but not in an actual war with swords and shit ofc)

Being barefoot for pujas and in temples and on sacred ground in general is very important

As is being barefoot when you're walking onto a kabaddi or wrestling ground,, basically any fight that's supposed to be important and/or with honour. It's a respect thing for the opponent and for the earth you fight on.

There are a lot of contexts where being barefoot is important or a given

There's the prayer ground bc it's sacred and holy and you can't be dragging your dirty ass shoes there it's super disrespectful. You gotta enter with clean feet specifically, dirty feet are considered disrespectful too. that's also why there wil often be feet washing areas outside of temples here

Then there's the ranabhoomi that I just said, which is more of respect for your opponent and the earth. Respect to the earth especially is very important in the combat forms and sports I know of at least

Then there's the basic respect and tbh the hygiene thing too, of always taking off your footwear before entering another persons house. That one is more flexible, sometimes you can take it off inside, but the done thing is to take them off outside generally. Especially if you're a guest who's not particularly close. You'd be considered really rude if you didn't take them off at all. But again that still varies by person,, the older generations are way stricter abt it

Then the bride thing,,, it's actually a whole small ritual. The bride and groom will enter the groom's house for the first time,, which is considered the bride's new home bc misogynistic tradition so yeah. But basically it's supposed to be an auspicious beginning to a new home and life. (Btw being barefoot during the wedding ceremony is also generally required)

Usually, at least in North Indian tradition, a small vessel of rice is kept at the threshold that the bride must tip over with her foot when entering. It's for prosperity. Then she steps directly into a plate of a red liquid I forget the word for, but it's basically a sindoor paste type of thing. Her first steps into the house must be taken leaving those red footprints behind. That's for auspicious beginning

So Pavitr being barefoot is so so cool from a cultural and a character building standpoint

He takes his job seriously, he does it with respect and honour!!! He seems so chill and happy go lucky, but he's deliberate and respectful abt it!! And he's super connected to his culture too, bc you could just Not and no one would care, but it's so important that he does!!

So yeah!

That has been my full ramble askjasjkas. If you made it this far, have a cookie! Thank you and I hope this was interesting <33

[kindaorangey]

so accidentally-on-purpose starting a cult with your best friend in your teens on a mystical and infinite train isn't exactly the most relatable experience in the world, so i always think it's interesting to look at what real-world parallels grace and simon's relationship fallout has to the real world. one that i've spoken about a lot before is how it feels to realise that your guy best friend only wanted you for your body (which is barely even a parallel with grace and simon, really, as it's an implicit part of simon's perception of grace), but i think another major and very current one is political radicalisation

because yes, the paramaters of simon's radicalisation are fantastical, because they're based around the train and denizens and such, but the mechanics of his radicalisation - and how grace responds to it - are the same as they would be in real life. as the season progresses, simon's justification for his treatment of hazel, his resentment of grace, his perception of amelia, all become wild and borderline incomprehensible. yet he asserts them as if they are the truth, rather than something that he's made up, or something that feels true to him. it's reminiscent of reconnecting with a friend or relative you haven't seen in a while and their conversation diverting hard out of the blue to talk about right-wing conspiracy.

and, like you might to this friend in real life, grace tries to extend a hand to simon - explaining her own behaviour, apologising, assuring him she understands that she hurt him - she even tries to meet him where he is (think: when she tries to include hazel in the apex after it's revealed to everyone that hazel is a denizen). she does everything she can think of to bring him back down to reality and to empathise with him, but it falls on deaf ears.

and, then, the optics of it all - simon being a white man, while grace is a black woman (i also think it matters that tuba, amelia, and hazel are all women as well). if you apply this lens to simon and grace, there's certainly a racist and sexist dimension to his refusal to see her as a person the further he is radicalised.

tl;dr i'm not trying to say the writers had this in mind when writing book 3, but simon and grace's arc pretty much follows the real-world experience of watching your friend go down the alt-right pipeline

[duhragonball]

Spider-Man Sucks: A Midlife Crisis

Yesterday, I finished reading Amazing Spider-Man #300, the final stop on my read-through of classic Spider-Man comics. It has not gone well, because Spider-Man kind of jumped the shark around 1971.

I've been trying to write this post for a while in order to clear my head and put this experience behind me, but it's hard to sum up the whole thing. I guess the main questions I need to answer here are:

Do I even like Spider-Man as a character?

What went wrong, exactly?

What lessons from this can I apply to my own writing?

Join me as I try to suss this out.

I guess I should start with the easiest question. No, I still like Spider-Man. That dude kicks ass.

The beginnings of Spider-Man are genuinely classic stuff. Amazing Fantasy #15, Amazing Spider-Man #1-99, the two-issue Spectacular Spider-Man magazine, and Amazing Spider-Man Annual #1-5 are all great. You could stop at #99 and just pretend that was the series finale and you'd be fine.

Although, you'd be missing some good stuff that came out later on. The Hulk fight in Montreal from Amazing #119-120. The death of Gwen Stacy in #122-123 is also a historic moment, so it's probably worth checking out, although I think the main reason it's so historic is because so little else actually happens to Spider-Man in the 70's.

A highlight of the 1980s was Spider-Man's ill-fated romance with the Black Cat, mostly documented in Spectacular Spider-Man #75-100. She's all wrong for him, but they have a lot of fun before he finally figures that out.

The Sin Eater arc by Peter David was really strong stuff. PAD was doing this "All-New, All-Daring" thing in Spectacular, but the Sin-Eater storyline (#107-110) was where it actually lived up to the premise.

Marvel Graphic Novel #22, featuring the story "Hooky" by Susan Putney and Ben Wrightson, currently stands as my all-time favorite Spidey story. Perhaps it's not a coincidence that this is a fantasy tale which sees Spider-Man drawn into a magical dimension far removed from his usual life in New York.

Spider-Man versus. Wolverine was really good. This was the notorious 1987 one-shot that screwed up the reveal of the Hobgoblin's secret identity, but if you don't know anything about that, and you just want to enjoy a Spider-Man and Wolverine story, this is good stuff by James Owsley, later known as Christopher Priest. While I'm giving Priest his due, I should add that I dug the sequels he wrote in Web of Spider-Man #29 and 30, where he tried to make retroactive sense of the Hobgoblin mess. And Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #7 was really fun.

The "Kraven's Last Hunt" arc by J.M. DeMatteis was excellent. This arc followed the Hobgoblin saga, so it was a refreshing change of style, tone, and pace.

When I got into comics in the 90's, I really enjoyed Kurt Busiek and Pat Oliffe's Untold Tales of Spider-Man, which inserted new stories in between the high-school era of the Lee/Ditko run. Several years later, I kept up with J. Michael Straczynski's run on Amazing, although the way it ended kind of ruined whatever enjoyment I got out of the rest of the run. I pretty much gave up on Spider-Man after that.

There's others I'm forgetting to mention, but I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the Spider-Man character can be done well, but most of his comics do not succeed with this. I think it's fair to say that Marvel Comics has mostly been coasting on the initial success of the 1960's era. Occasionally a good creative team manages to replicate that level of quality, or they innovate something just as good or better, but most of the time the Spidey-books just sort of stagnate.

So I guess that leads to the next question: What went wrong? Well, commercially, I guess nothing went wrong. Marvel was a successful publisher, going from strength to strength from 1961 to 1993. Even when times were bad, Marvel could count on the Spider-Man books to be big sellers, but that didn't make them good to read.

The main reason I ended my read-through at ASM #300 was to steer well-clear of the morass of the Clone Saga that ran from 1994-1996. The idea with that arc was to try to boost sales with some new event, and also reboot the character, whose stories had become much darker and more tragic by 1993. At one time, the thought was to bring back Spider-Man's dead clone from 1975, who would then turn out to be the real Spider-Man. The Peter Parker we had seen from 1975 to 1994 would then retire with his wife and the resurrected clone would pick up where he left off, essentially continuing the Spider-Man story with no memory of anything that happened after Amazing Spider-Man #150.

The problem was that it was a stupid, stupid idea. Even if Ben Reilly didn't remember the past 250 issues of the comics, the other characters did, and so did the readers. And the same writers who made the comics darker and more tragic in 1993 were still working on the comics in 1994, so what would change? More importantly, even if the Clone Saga had been a good idea, it was still hamstrung by editorial shakeups and indecision. It was originally supposed to last six months, but wound up dragging on for two years as no one at Marvel could figure out how to end the stupid thing.

So I thought: I'll play it smart and just end my read-through with ASM #300, well before that nasty business begins. Well the thing is, the Clone Saga was just a symptom of a larger problem with the Spider-Man comics.

The Hobgoblin debacle is a good example. In the 1980's Marvel wanted to improve flagging sales on Spider-Man, so Roger Stern created a new villain called the Hobgoblin. His gimmick was that he... found all of the Green Goblin's equipment and ripped off his act. But wait! The other hook was that the Hobgoblin's identity was a mystery! Not even the readers would know who he really was. This became the focal point of the Spider-Man comics through most of the 1980's, except Stern left the book a short time after creating the Hobgoblin, and later writers and editors fumbled the reveal. I'd argue that the whole thing was FUBAR from the beginning, because the Hobgoblin was fundamentally a cheap imitation of the Green Goblin, and this was the third time Marvel had tried this sort of thing. All he had going for him was the secret identity reveal, and even if that had gone perfectly, where do you go from there?

My point is that it's the same problem Marvel would have with the Clone Saga several years later. They want to do a stunt to boost sales, but botch the execution. The story takes too long to tell, and when it finally does end, they blow the payoff.

This problem existed in the 1970's as well, although it was less about big sales-driving stunts and more of a lack of ambition. The Death of Gwen Stacy was a shocking moment, but how did Marvel follow up on that? By constantly revisiting the Death of Gwen Stacy. Shortly afterward, Harry Osborn cracked up and became the second Green Goblin. Then he got professional help, and his psychiatrist went nuts and became the third Green Goblin.

From 1973 to 1996, the sentiment at Marvel was that they didn't dare reverse the classic death of the original Green Goblin, but they also wanted to keep doing Goblin stories anyway, so they kept introducing new Goblins, both Green and Hob, to fill the void. And then they finally resurrected Norman Osborne anyway.

At no point did anyone stand up and say "Hey, maybe we're looking at this the wrong way. Instead of constantly revisiting the same idea, we should come up with a whole new thing." This is why Spider-Man's rogues' gallery kind of peters out after 1970. You've got anti-heroes like the Punisher and Venom, or bad copies of established villains like Hydro-Man, Hobgoblin II, and Lady Octopus. Not the Spider-Verse Doc Ock, I mean the 90's Lady Octopus that no one remembers.

But chasing the same old villain around would be fine if the hero himself wasn't so stagnant. There's this really great critique of Spider-Man from an Alan Moore essay written in 1983.

"The worst thing was that everything had ground to a halt. The books had stopped developing. If you take a look at a current Spider-Man comic, you’ll find that he’s maybe twenty years old, he worries a lot about what’s right and what’s wrong, and he has a lot of trouble with his girlfriends. "Do you know what Spider-Man was doing fifteen years ago? Well, he was about nineteen years old, he worried a lot about what was right and what was wrong and he had a lot of trouble with his girlfriends."

When I first read this, I assumed Moore was frustrated with the concept of "Marvel time", which has the characters age very slowly to stay eternally young over the decades. And maybe he did have a gripe with this, and he actually wanted to see a 35-year-old Spider-Man running around in 1983. But now that I've read the comics he was talking about, I see exactly what he means. It took a really long time for Peter Parker to finish college, and yet nothing really changed when he got his degree. He immediately moved on to graduate school, and it was basically the same formula as before, except now he's got a job as a teaching assistant on top of everything else.

Then he quits the TA work so he can focus on his slipping grades, and then he spends... I don't know, like a year worrying about his final exams. He finally takes the damn tests, and then we have to wait several issues to find out if he passed, and then... he decides to quit grad school in Amazing Spider-Man #245.

This could have been a big moment for the character, since he's been in the education system this whole time, and now he's stepping out into the real world to focus on freelance photography. Except... he doesn't.

After #245, Peter find out that there's an editorial shakeup at the Bugle. J. Jonah Jameson steps down as the editor-in-chief, and his city editor, "Robbie" Robertson, takes over. Robbie isn't interested in anti-Spider-Man propaganda, so he doesn't want to buy pictures of Spider-Man like Jonah did before. So the market is all dried up for the one thing Peter Parker could deliver. But that's okay, right? It's a challenge for Peter to overcome! Now that he's out of school, he can spend more time learning to be a good photographer, and find other things to take pictures of...

Except that never happens. From #245 to 300, Peter keeps taking pictures of himself as Spidey anyway, only for the Bugle staff to keep reminding him that they don't want any. There's one issue where reporter Joy Mercado basically tells him off in public, saying she thinks he lacks the maturity to have a career in journalism. All he really does is take pictures of Spider-Man, and he's frequently admitted that he has an inside track on that, because he made up this cover story about Spider-Man tipping him off for a cut of Peter's profits.

The whole thing is kind of uncomfortable to read. It would be more satisfying if Peter actually took these rebukes as an incentive to adapt and overcome, but he keeps repeating the same mistakes and hoping for a different outcome. By #300 he starts thinking about returning to grad school, which is just... Gah!

People talk about things in stories being "unearned", and I think that term gets overused a lot, but it applies here. Peter quitting grad school was unearned, and his return to grad school is unearned, because the writers never really built a case for either decision. He quit grad school for financial reasons, but he never actually fixed his financial situation. Now he wants to go back even though he never resolved any of the problems that led him to quit in the first place!

There's a lot of examples of this sort of thing in the Spider-Man canon, but the one that sticks in my craw is the saga of the gold notebook. Basically, during Secret Wars II, the Beyonder transmutes an entire building into solid gold. Spider-Man tries to rescue survivors from the building when it collapses under its own weight, but the U.S. government is mostly concerned with disposing of the gold as secretly as possible, before it upsets the world economy.

But Spider-Man feels bitter about the whole thing, so he decides to keep a souvenir in the form of a spiral notepad he found in one of the wastebaskets. He figures it's small enough that it won't do any harm, and it's worth enough money to solve most of his financial problems. But he feels conflicted about actually doing this. This is typical for the character, who's hotheaded enough to take the gold, but too ethical to use it. This could be a decent story, where he's forced to decide what to do.

Except... he really doesn't decide. He just keeps the gold notebook in his apartment for the next ten months' worth of comics. Each issue, he reminds the audience that he still has it, and he's still agonizing over what to do with it, but it never goes anywhere. Finally, he decides to sell it to a fence for $3000 (not even 10% of its worth) and uses it all to anonymously pay the hospital bills of Aunt May's boyfriend. This is a satisfactory resolution, as Peter is finally rid of the notebook, but he didn't just toss it into the river or something. He used it for good, without any reward for himself, which is what you'd expect.

And if he had spent all of those comics actually reaching that conclusion, it would be a fine subplot, except he didn't. The story began in Web of Spider-Man #6 and ended in #15, and those were the only two issues that actually tell the story of what he did with the gold. Everything in between is just Peter reminding the audience that he still needs to figure out what to do with it.

Everything in the Spider-Man comics from 1971 to 1988 is like that damn notebook. Peter's scholastic career, Flash Thompson's relationship with Sha Shan, the fate of Aunt May's boarding house for senior citizens, the Hobgoblin's secret identity, it's all stuff the editors and writers will "figure out later" and then they drop it in the most anticlimactic way possible.

All right, so if that's the problem, how do I avoid it with my own work? Well, the simplest solution seems to be to avoid getting so successful that your work gets micromanaged by a bunch of editors. So consider that bullet dodged. Phew.

No seriously, I really want to figure this out.

While researching the Hobgoblin debacle, I learned about the Jim Shooter era at Marvel Comics. Shooter remains a polarizing figure in comics history to this day. He pissed off a lot of talent at Marvel, but he made it his mission to break the company out of the creative doldrums of the 70's. I can attest that the doldrums definitely existed, and Shooter may have improved things for other Marvel properties like the Avengers, Fantastic Four, and Daredevil, but it sure seemed like Spider-Man never saw any tangible benefits. Shooter did pay a fan for the stealth costume idea that eventually became Spider-Man's alien symbiote, which eventually led to Venom, but during Shooter's tenure, the Spider-Man books were in the same creative slump they were in during the 70's. I think part of this problem lies in Shooter's definition of quality.

There's this legendary memo that Shooter sent out to the Marvel staff, directing them to make "good" comics, as opposed to bad ones. It's probably tongue-in-cheek, but the main point was that he wasn't going to allow Marvel to rest on its laurels and print any old crap just to meet deadlines. The problem is that I don't really see much from Shooter about what makes a comic "good". The best I can come up with is this quote from Shooter in 1982:

"The characters must be introduced. "Their situation must be established. "The conflict must be introduced. "Suspense must be built. "A climax must be reached. "A resolution must be achieved."

But this is pretty fundamental stuff. The advice is sound, but it's like saying a good car has four wheels. Even the dumbest Spider-Man comics I've read lately has managed to check off all of those boxes. This includes Web of Spider-Man #34, which is one of the dirt worst comics I've ever seen.

This is a fill-in issue by Jim Shooter himself. Actually, I'm not sure "fill-in" really applies here, since Web of Spider-Man never seemed to have a regular creative team. The story has two concurrent plotlines.

In the A-plot, Spidey happens upon a bunch of kids playing football and decides to join the game when one of them hurts his knee and his team looks like they'll have to forfeit. That's why Spidey's arm is webbed behind his back. The kids allow him to sub in for the injured kid, but he has to follow all these rules to compensate for his spider-powers.

In the B-plot, the Watcher has been improbably subdued by a space crook who has improbably stolen a secret weapon from Galatus' homeworld. The Watcher agrees to surrender his own advanced technology, but only if the space crook is willing to wager it against the Watcher's freedom, depending on the outcome of the football game in the A-Plot.

All of Jim Shooter's six criteria are satisfied here. The characters, situation, and conflict are all sufficiently established in the story. If this is your very first comic, you won't be confused about who the Watcher is or what Spider-Man is all about. The suspense is there, because even though Spidey can outplay the other team, he can't do it all on his own, and the kids on his own team are much younger and not as good. And the Watcher's fate is riding on the game, so the stakes are higher than he realizes. A climax is achieved when another kid gets hurt, and the first hurt kid heroically returns to the game so they can try for the final touchdown they need to win. And the resolution is there. Spidey's team wins and the Watcher turns the tables on the space crook. He spares the guy's life, but turns him into the Joker in a deck of playing cards for all eternity.

So I'll give Shooter this: He's no hypocrite, except this story still blows goats anyway! Here's why:

Spider-Man is famously a big old nerd. As Flash Thomspon repeatedly observed, he was too busy with his test tubes and science books to play sports. While Spider-Man has the talent and grit to lead a football team to victory, he should have no idea how the game is played, and he certainly shouldn't be talking like a coach with decades of experience.

It's pretty dumb that the Watcher would be caught unawares in his own home like this. He's so perceptive that he knew this stupid football game was happening, but his cosmic awareness failed to see this alien on his doorstep? Yes, Shooter accounts for this in the script, but that doesn't make it any less ridiculous.

This is really just two unrelated stories that have been welded together. The Watcher could have wagered on anything, but happened upon this football game. And Spider-Man sticking up for these kids would be incredibly dull without the Watcher gambling the fate of the world on it. Shooter combined the two scenarios in a vain effort to make them more interesting, but there's very little to connect them together. On their own, neither story would pass Shooter's criteria for a "good" comic. Mashing them together like this feels like a cheat.

This is a Spider-Man comic, but nothing in this story feels like it needed to be about Spider-Man at all. This could have just as easily been Captain America or Daredevil joining a kids' football game. I wouldn't be shocked to learn that it was written for another hero, and it was retooled for Spider-Man later.

As part of the wider Spider-Man lore, this issue sucks because it doesn't have any lasting impact on the hero. Spider-Man is fundamentally unchanged by this episode. The kids may have learned a thing or two, and the Watcher may be grateful, but this will never come up again in future issues. I'm fine with one-and-done, self-contained stories, but the Spider-Man comics are a serial, and there's an expectation that events in one issue will have consequences for the subsequent issues.

So it seems to me that Jim Shooter was setting a very low bar for his staff to clear. Maybe the problems at Marvel were worse than I realized. He may have been satisfied with the poor quality of the Spider-Man books at the time, since they were still good enough to print, and he had bigger fires to put out.

But I'm still unsatisfied, so I think it's worth establishing my own standard for what a "good comic" ought to have.

Consequences. It's all well and good to say Peter Parker is behind on his rent, or his grades are slipping, but if he never actually does anything about it, and doesn't get evicted or kicked out of school, then it's meaningless. If you give characters an obstacle, there needs to be a way for them to overcome it.

Spectacle. There's about a billion cool things you can do with Spider-Man, and yet one issue features him playing football with children, which is boring and dumb. The late 80's Spider-Man comics at least did a lot of stuff where Mary Jane wears sexy and/or fashionable outfits during the story, which is a small touch, but it's a lot better than that stupid wooden Indian that used to be in Peter's apartment through the 70's and 80's.

Satisfaction. This is something that gets overlooked a lot in comic books. Generally, readers like the main character and would like to see him win most of the time. I know it's deep and "complex" to have the character lose, but if you go to that well too often, readers will start looking for someone else to root for. I'm thinking of several comics where it seemed like the writers would have rather been writing Daredevil instead of Spider-Man.

Payoff. If you tell your audience there's a mystery or a secret to be revealed later, then you better make damn sure to do it right and make it worth their time. It is astonishing to me that so many people over so many years were involved in the Hobgoblin saga and none of them seemed to communicate with each other. They should have put his true identity on a big sign in the office with arrows pointing at it and a date on the calendar for when they planned to reveal it.

Character arcs. Don't just have your character be immature in one issue and then suddenly become mature thirty issues later. It's supposed to be "A, B, C, D, E..." not "A, A, A, A ,A , A, A, Z". It's not enough to develop the characters. Your readers need to be able to see that development unfold over time. Otherwise they might as well skip around and read one issue a year to see if you did anything.

Follow-Through. There was a running subplot in PAD's Spectacular Spider-Man where this kid had an abusive dad, and then one day he got super powers when he touched a machine his dad was working on, and the kid accidentally incinerated his dad and then ran away. This sounds like it's going somewhere, right? Well, it culminated in an issue where Spider-Man and S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are trying to bring him in, and before Spider-Man and convince him to surrender, one trigger-happy agent guns the kid down on the last page. The end. It's presented like it's supposed to be shocking and tragic but it's just hacky shit. PAD couldn't be bothered to end the story so he just cut it short and played it off like it was fake-deep. Or maybe he planned it that way all along, but it's still dumb as hell because the audience was invested in the kid's story and now it leads nowhere.

Solid villains that function as opposites of the hero. The Steve Ditko villains worked because they each got super powers but chose to use them for selfish, irresponsible ends. Their existence is a direct "Fuck you" to Spider-Man's credo. That's why Dr. Octopus and the Green Goblin still work after all these decades, while characters like the Gibbon and Rocket Racer don't. You can't just slap an animal costume on a guy or give him a souped-up weapon. The bad guy needs to directly oppose the idea that power should be used responsibly. This is why no one watched the Morbius movie.

Progress. I think we all know that Batman is never going to clean up Gotham City, but there needs to be some sense that his methods actually work. If I read Heroguy #312 and he hasn't accomplished anything since Heroguy #206, then the message is that Heroguy kind of sucks at his job, and there's no point reading Heroguy #313.

I will give Spider-Man some credit in the post-Hobgoblin era. Starting with #290, he proposed to Mary Jane, got married, and he redesigned his web-shooters. They moved into a new apartment, and he's at least thinking harder about his career. So there's at least signs that the creators in 1988 are working at fixing some of the issues I had from 1971-1987. I know it won't last, because the Clone Saga will wreck it all in 1994, but at least the effort is there.

And maybe that is the lesson I need to take from Spider-Man comics. My own writing is going to have flaws, but that doesn't mean I have to give up. I just have to dust myself off and keep trying to get it right. Spider-Man might blow it most of the time, but he's still managed to have just enough good-to-great stories to keep audiences coming back for more. Maybe persistence is the key.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

prev post inspired by reading brandon taylor's filthy animals, which is, like, fine i guess, which is kind of simultaneously not surprising bc i've never read a collection of allegedly well observed stories focused on the minutiae of human interaction that i actually liked and also disappointing because i like his writing in his newsletter so much lol. (and to be fair i also really liked his story "prophets" which is not in the collection.) and actually for the most part the dialogue feels more or less human which stood out to me because of how much i fuckin hated severance (novel, not currently buzzy apple TV show i have also complained about lmao). but then you get an exchange like this:

"I do like him," Sophie said after a moment, and it startled Charles.

"How? You don't know him. I don't know him."

"There's something good and wounded about him. Like you."

and it just instantly pings my bullshit-dar. i'm like, she would not fucking say that, where "she" is "any human ever to live, ever." and for whatever reason when it comes to this kind of thing (literary short stories invested in the minutiae of human interaction) my instinct is then to be like, well i guess i am a dummy. i guess i am being stupid and unfair to read this and be like, girl what? and maybe i am, i don't know. maybe when on the next page charles says "So I cleaned it, swept the glass, you know? And it was the weirdest thing. I don't think I've ever seen a person more exposed." i am also being stupid to be like, you've never seen a what? what? who talks like this? i don't know. a lot of people love this writing, according to goodreads, which as we all know is an unfiltered and objective accounting of human opinion. maybe lots of people talk like this and i just happen not to know any of them. or maybe, again, i'm totally missing the point of literary fiction and there's some kind of reason i'm just not sophisticated enough to understand for why you would write texts as naturalistically as "u there?" and also have this emotionally repressed dancer say "i don't think i've ever seen a person more exposed" like that is a normal, not weird thing to say, a thing that would just come out of your mouth naturally. like obviously i am not so stupid as to believe literary dialogue ever actually is "naturalistic" or should be... but perhaps i am barking up the wrong tree if i want it to convincing? if i want my disbelief to be suspended?

(tw in the next paragraph for suicide & ED stuff discussed in the book)

the thing that compelled me to post mid-book comes from a story later on that also concerns these characters (sophie, charles, and lionel, who is the "him" they have met the previous night and that charles has slept with and sophie is... befriending? ish?) lionel is the POV character in the first story, and i liked that one actually partly because it's about a guy trying to have a normal time at a campus party at the school where he is proctoring while on leave of absence which he has been taking since his suicide attempt last year. none of these exact biographical particulars apply to me but the general vibe has some overlap with my college years for sure lol and so i was like, well true. anyway. so in a later story we're back with lionel and sophie is like, are you with someone, and he said no, god no, and she asks why not, and he............. rolls up his sleeve to show his suicide attempt scars? and she asks what happened and he tells her, and then he gives this little monologue essentially describing what it's like to be depressed which is fine and they talk about that and his recent self-hospitalization, and then she's like... ok i'm actually going to type this one out too:

"My parents died. And then my sister, a few years ago, died. Overdose. And sometimes, I think, Fuck. Enough. Or sometimes, it's like, Why not make it a full set?"

"Yeah," he said.

"I used to purge. Everybody thinks it's about being skinny and being light for ballet. They think it's to look a certain way. But I think most of us purge because of the control. Like, there's a moment when you go from feeling full and awful to feeling clean and clear and bright. There's just a moment, right before you get it all out, before you're burning up and convulsing, when you feel something go ping and you know it'll be all right. Thats what it's about. That little ping of clarity. Anyway, I used to purge. When I lived with my grandma. All the other girls in ballet did, too. It's not special or anything, but I did. And then I got these awful ulcers. And I couldn't dance because I had no energy and my vision started to get weird? I felt like my body was betraying me."

Lionel sat up then. Sophie's thumb traced his knuckles.

"Then my sister died, and I thought, I can keep doing this or I can try to fucking live. Really live. Dance is awful, don't get me wrong--if your foot is too big or your shoulder doesn't bend a certain way. There are fewer than zero jobs. And everyone is on coke or a serial rapist. But when I'm dancing, sometimes, I feel that little ping. I know where I am in the world. I can feel myself. And, like, yeah, my technique is not classical. Come on. I learned to dance in Arkansas. But as long as I can dance, I'll be okay. I don't need ABT. Or Royal Ballet or anything. I just want to dance for as long as I can."

"It's your something," Lionel said.

"Everybody deserves a something, right?"

Lionel nodded, and Sophie blotted the corners of her eyes with a sleeve.

and i........ uh.............. fucking hated this lol??? i fucking hated this entire scene. like it really activated my "oh fuck OFF" instinct." and i hated it in a way that felt unusual and unexpected because i think of my problem with literary fiction, when i have a problem with literary fiction, is that it is too, like, withholding or afraid of emotion or afraid of seeming sentimental or whatever, but this..... is....... fucking sentimental. this feels really actually quite fucking cheap to me? i DON'T UNDERSTAND why this collection of short stories is giving me an EATING DISORDERS 101 POST FROM HEALTHLINE.COM???? like i... ok. not everyone in the world has spent as many hours of their lives reading about eating disorders as i have "lol." but this literally feels like Very Special Episode dialogue. including the part where the connection between these two people feels too easy. which, again, up this point i was like, well this is just a mode of developing relationships i don't understand because of my intellectual deficiencies... but now i'm like, actually maybe it's just bullshit, because this degrassi ass monologue is bullshit. the scars thing, also bullshit - bullshit in a specific way i found irritating because, lmao, back when i was drafting a certain wildly self-indulgent fanfiction of mine, there was a period of time in which i entertained the concept of a character dropping the same kind of reveal with the same scar-revealing gesture, and then i opted not to do that, because i was like, "on reflection, this feels like a bullshit." like this feels stupid! it feels actually stupid! hollow and melodramatic and unearned! not, like, not to my taste or too sophisticated for me to get or too subtle for me (an idiot) to be into... and actually not even just "not that good." like this is actively bad, to me. maudlin! distasteful! cliché! cheap!!!

anyway. idk. i guess i was just startled by this because it seemed so obviously self-indulgent and unserious that i was really unprepared to find it in a book by, like, a serious author, that people take seriously. i want there to be a lesson here but i'm not sure that there is one except maybe that i gotta get more comfortable with embracing being a hater even if i'm worried it will make me look dumb. but, like, having a character say out loud, in dialogue, "i know everybody thinks it's about being skinny, but it's actually about control," in a book published in 2021? flowers for spring... groundbreaking....

[dewwshi]

TRANSFEM DRIZZT MASTERPOST

breaking my usual “only art posts” rule on this blog to write a dissertation on a thought that has been on my mind since literally homeland. LISTEN. i'm gonna proselytize i’m honestly shocked i haven't seen anyone else say this before. i think drizzt do'urden is transfeminine coded, specifically trans lesbian coded. and i have EVIDENCE. (WALL OF TEXT UNDER CUT)

for the record i'm gonna use he/him pronouns for drizzt in this largely because that's what he uses in canon but i feel like he would for sure switch to she/her or something if he did transition. but i feel weird talking abt characters with pronouns other than canon ones

i'm transmasc so for transparency when i speak abt transfem experiences it's from what i have heard and learned from transfems and take all generalizations with a grain of salt blah blah blah nuance vanilla extract be normal please

also i'm currently only on spine of the world. i have no idea what happens in later parts of the series so my evidence is only from books i’ve read + be forgiving if you know smth i don't + try not to spoil too much thank you BUT ALSO I WANNA KNOW what people think on this sooo yea tell me :heart:

OKAY NOW after all those qualifiers. i'm sorting my evidence into a couple categories:

character evidence (about how being a girl would fit into drizzt’s narrative)

relationship evidence (about how drizzt’s relationships are enhanced by/contribute to his girlitude)

and miscellaneous meta stuff & wording evidence (aka wishful thinking)

CHARACTER/NARRATIVE EVIDENCE

firstly. we MUST discuss the backstory. the childhood trauma.

drizzt's primary backstory, i.e. his childhood in and abandonment of menzoberranzan society, places him in the position of someone who is “too soft” and “too weak” for their society and thus becomes ostracized and outcast. this is a REALLY transfem coded position to be in.

in our world transfem kids get ostracized for not being masculine enough and for being a “sissy.” the situation is obviously pretty different in matriarchal menzoberranzan (“girliness”/femininity is not considered a flaw there the way it is in prevailing attitudes in our world) but the parallel still holds

i'm sure everyone remembers the “you’re a dancer” scene. despite excelling in combat, drizzt (at least pre-melee-magthere) is considered too weak and soft for menzoberranzan even by zaknafein, again framing him as being (by surface standards) more traditionally "feminine" than the rest of menzo men

and YES "you're a dancer" is a complicated scene with a lot of emotional shit going on for both characters but my point is specifically that drizzt's alienation from his society REALLY resembles the alienation that a lot of transfem children experience

for the record he is also very autistic. 100% autistic i’m on that wagon all the way. just to put it on the table

but anyway the queer coding is extremely strong here. the other way you could read the “dancer” gncness drizzt exhibits is as gay coding (many of the same tropes and narratives apply to young gay boys as do to young transfems). i have a couple reasons i prefer the transfem reading though

gayness is not treated the same in menzo. bg3 confirms romantic relationships between women are standard fare in menzoberranzan; my hc is that the same is true among men

that's an explanation from the world's perspective though, not from a meta/writing perspective. to me drizzt's infatuation with women (We'll Get To That) makes him read more like a transbian than a gay man though

anyway back on topic. something the books (the ones i’ve read so far at least) don't really talk about but SHOULD is the relationship with gender (and women specifically) that drizzt would have been left with from his upbringing.

menzoberranzan culture holds that women are above men and that men are inherently worse. you can't just forget something like that after living in a place where that's simply a fact of life for 30 years. lots could be said on that and i think it must have had an effect on how drizzt views women

however to focus on the trans thing let's state the obvious: menzoberranzan gender roles are RIPE for transmisogyny. it’s a society of terfs. the gender roles are SO defined and SO exclusive that an assumed boy even trying on feminine clothing would probably get physically abused. not so different from parts of our world shrugs forever but for a different reason like i mentioned; it's not “girl shit is gross what are you, gay?” it's “how dare you, a filthy man, attempt to partake of womanhood, which you would sully with your very touch” AND AGAIN. THAT SOUNDS LIKE TERF RHETORIC DOESN'T IT?

i think drizzt would have been left with a deep-rooted sense of shame and self-consciousness about gender (as he was about basically all parts of his identity for the record) and i specifically think that a clear parallel can be drawn between those feelings and the transmisogynistic ideas common in our world, in particular the idea that trans women “steal/appropriate womanhood.” in menzoberranzan’s case the idea is more like that “womanhood is a privilege to which men (who are lesser) have no claim.” 

drizzt seems to generally feel like he doesn't deserve to have things he wants, he doesn't deserve to be happy etc etc. and i think it would make peeeerfect sense for that to extend to gender. that he has to learn that he can and is allowed to express his gender freely

then there's the graduation ceremony.

in a journal entry in spine of the world drizzt says the reason he was so uncomfortable with the melee-magthere graduation ceremony was because 1. he didn't wanna do drugs and 2. because Casual Sex Is Bad And You Should Be In Love Before You Do Sex (he's so. repressed. beautiful stupid baby) and while i for sure think those ARE both PARTS of his discomfort, i think i have a bit of extra sauce to add.

consider: the graduation ceremony's purpose (in addition to being a fun light-hearted celebration by drow standards) is to enforce a specific social/sexual gender role onto the young graduates of melee-magthere (clearly the most desirable sexual partners for noble drow women).

that gender role is specifically placed in opposition to womanhood. there's matrons, and then there's patrons, just like the surface world has husbands and wives

i’m thinking that while drizzt is and is written as being HEAVILY attracted to women (again We Will Discuss This), “pretty lady's boytoy” isn't a gender role he's comfortable inhabiting, and so he felt reflexively bad being forced into it.

of course the social role of men in menzoberranzan isn't a nice position to be in even at the best of times but i don't think that was what was on his mind at the time!! what if part of the reason he was so instinctively against partaking was because he rejected the gendered social role placed on him in that moment, a reminder that melee-magthere, and the kind of warrior role he'd been trained for, is for boys alone?

leading from that. in siege of darkness drizzt imagines what catti-brie’s life would have been like in menzoberranzan if she was drow. consider how easily he chooses to imagine her going to melee-magthere instead of arach-tinilith even though the former is boys only. this is SOME kind of gender fuckery for sure. i'm thinking some part of him feels that melee-magthere (and the kind of combat training taught there, which drizzt excels at) isn’t or shouldn’t be for men exclusively. he enjoys being a warrior and he's good at it, but, for him, that warrior role is DISTINCT from a masculine gender, even though in menzoberranzan it wasn't distinct at all.

i find that drizzt being transfeminine boosts the hell out of all of his other “fuck you"s to menzoberranzan society

not only is he an insult to the way of lolth by rejecting it in favour of empathy, but he's going in the face of the entire gender system of menzoberranzan. just totally blasts it. i feel like it adds a whole new layer to his rejection of the lolthite way of life

of course that's an argument you could make of any queer reading of drizzt as a character but i feel like it hits hardest with SPECIFICALLY transfem drizzt. one brave tgirl's Exodus From Terflandia.

but even then when he does come to the surface, he finds himself alone and apart from society. 

in the early books’ world there is no place in surface faerûn society for a drow, it is designed to exclude him the exact same way existing binary cisnormative gender structures are designed to exclude queer people.

drizzt has to start off on the complete fringes of society and then carve a place and home for himself with like-minded people who love him and who he loves. that's exactly what queer people have to do too. is leaving the underdark a metaphor for coming out??? i guess so.

CAN WE TALK about the shit with the mask of disguise in the halfling's gem? THAT SHIT IS TRANS AS HELL!!! again autism coding runs parallel hand in hand here but like.

“you have the choice to suppress who you are in order to fit into wider society. now will you do that, or will you live as someone visibly outside the norms? is it enough to know no matter what, you will still have your loved ones who accept you no matter who you turn out to be, to know that you will be happier if you let yourself express your true self?”

THAT'S THE QUEEREST SHIT EVER.

also drizzt's fixation on personal freedom makes a lot of sense (a lot more sense than it does as in-canon imho) if you read him as trans. in menzoberranzan he would never have had the freedom to do with his body and presentation what he wants.

being able to be the person he wants to be seems to be a central concern in his mind, for himself. he doesn't just have an “i don't want to kill and torture people” objection to menzo culture, but an “i want to be able to choose the life and identity that i want for myself” objection

as it stands in canon the reason why he's so fixated on this isn't clear (so far at least). it makes more sense if he is transfem, and growing up in a system where he was actively prevented from pursuing his own tgirl happiness left him very invested in standing against that

on a meta level the “freedom is the most important thing ever” thing kinda is weird to me (it's very “can you tell the author is american”) BUT it becomes a lot BETTER if reinterpreted as “my old government wanted me dead for being transgender, so i think everyone can do whatever they want forever”

some of the general stuff about drizzt's queercoding in this section is pretty general but i veeery much think specifically transfem drizzt makes the most sense and adds the most to his character and story. and that's what the post is about. so yeah

RELATIONSHIP EVIDENCE

this section is abt drizzt's relationships! wahoo

1. CATTI-BRIE

ok so there’s a lot to say about catti-brie and why i consider their relationship a lesbian one and how i think drizzt's attraction to and love for women reads as extremely trans lesbian in nature.

bringing back that thing about shame from earlier. drizzt has, as he has in all things, a tendency to be ashamed of and suppress his own emotions in terms of romance.

the way he thinks about his attraction to catti-brie reads a lot like the way a transfem with a lot of internalized transmisogyny and lesbophobia might feel abt her attraction to women:

he acts guilty and embarrassed and tries to keep it a secret, to avoid talking about it, to avoid expressing his wants in any way at all

he's also afraid of being punished for it. think back to his stuff about women in menzo. he feels like he's not allowed to feel this way about women OR - HEAR ME OUT - HIMSELF. to me, a fear that he is encroaching on womanhood (both as a participant and as an enjoyer) is a very natural source for that shame

note that it’s specifically when she isn’t looking. ashamed!

drizzt in that excerpt assumes that bruenor would berate him even though he SHOULD KNOW bruenor trusts and likes him enough to fully give them his blessing. also drizzt blushes immediately after this and acts all flustered about it. ashamed!

in siege of darkness (during the "but for now, friends" scene) drizzt does tell catti that he’s in love with her- and follows it up immediately with “it’s no big deal, don’t even worry about it, i can totally just repress it forever if you’re not comfortable with it” (GUT WRENCHING SCENE THAT THREW ME OUT TO THE CURB BTW. AUGH). it's a COPE. he's terrified of being punished or rejected or ridiculed. i think all of those fears tie deeply and specifically into gender- his own, and hers too.

lesbian culture is known for a level of near-rhapsodic adoration for women and i see that in drizzt. the way he talks and thinks about catti-brie is insanely sapphic. basically every time he thinks about her he’s thinking shit like “god she’s the most beautiful and the best and i would die for her and there’s nobody in the world like her” this is truly a kind of infatuation lesbians are famous for. 

are there men who think about women like this? yes of course. is it a cornerstone of wlw culture to a degree that casts even the most cisgender of those men as almost gender non-conforming? i would say yes.

he spends so much of this scene fawning over her that i don’t even know which parts of it to include

i could keep going but listen the point i’m trying to illustrate is that he’s fucking SMITTEN with her okay? and it's EVIDENCE he is a woman i swear to god this is facts and logic and makes sense THIS IS LESBIAN BEHAVIOUR!!!!

AND THE SLOW BURN. the slow burn is lesbian coded as well. wlw stories are LEGENDARY for the extended periods of mutual pining that they often feature. pining is basically a classic feature of lesbian romance.

catti-brie and drizzt spent SIX FUCKING YEARS on the sea sprite together in the time skip between siege of darkness and passage to dawn, the ENTIRETY of which drizzt spent HOPELESSLY IN LOVE with her, and they did NOTHING together. if pining was a song these motherfuckers would have gone triple platinum. and that? oh BABY, is it yuri to me

i could make a whole other post exclusively about a lesbian reading of catti-brie and her relationship with wulfgar being comphet. honestly i could make a lot of posts about catti-brie she's insanely interesting and i have SOOO many thoughts about her. but suffice it to say: i think she’s gay as hell

for the record you may be thinking “okay he’s just in love with catti that’s why he’s like that” true but he is also fascinated with and identifies himself with a lot of the women he meets on the surface. and of course there is The Guenhwyvar Thing

2. THE GUENHWYVAR THING

let's discuss The Guenhwyvar Thing

you guys remember the fucking poem from homeland? about how beautiful and incredible guen is? literally the first time i saw that i was like “this is the most tgirl shit i've ever seen.”

are you guys seeing this??? “you, girl panther, are how i feel inside, i wish i could be you for realsies." reflection from mulan core. on all levels except physical i am a giant female panther

the fact that drizzt is so utterly enamoured with, again, a Female magical panther reads as extremely transfem coded to me. i truly feel like guenhwyvar's gender is a core facet of why drizzt adores her so much.

drizzt's relationship with guenhwyvar is – and was from the beginning – a place where he could freely admire and relate to femininity without shame.

guen’s femininity (by virtue of its animalness and magicalness) is very different from the femininity of menzoberranzan’s matron mothers. drizzt grew up in with an exclusive and abusive femininity that left him as an outsider, always unable to partake of or even genuinely admire womanhood. but he always wanted to and, when he gets the chance, he does. HARD.

i maintain a headcanon that if drizzt were to play dnd with the companions of the hall, he would play a conspicuously female druid every single time and never explain why it had to be a woman. but i know. I Know Why it has to be a woman.

3. ARTEMIS

god the queer reading here is sooo potent. here's my thoughts

artemis and drizzt’s struggle (at least as far as i've read) is one of a person who pursues happiness even under the risk of being outcast or hurt by society, and a person who has suppressed the need for happiness to secure survival. this can be easily expanded to a queer context:

artemis is closeted or stealth, dismissive of his own queerness. he sees an out and proud drizzt, publically living as a queer person, pursuing queer happiness. (not that drizzt is actually out and proud as a tgirl BUT HE HAS THAT ENERGY! LIFE COULD BE DREAM)

in other words artemis sees drizzt living a life that he (artemis) subconsciously decided long ago was impossible, unattainable, something he had to give up to survive. a kind of life that he hates his own desire to have. he hates drizzt for being happy in a way he wants but has decided he cannot have and thus nobody should even try for. he envies him.

you may be thinking “that sounds a lot like the dynamic drizzt and artemis already have in canon” EXACTLY MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

i really enjoy transmasc artemis who's been stealth since age 10 but i'll admit i'm not as dedicated to that headcanon as i am to transfem drizzt. idk where he's getting that beard from. maybe the crime guilds of calimport have access to magic hrt

bet when you started reading this post you weren't expecting kalvin garrah artemis entreri

anyway the point is that artemis’ redemption arc is the journey from he/him transmasc to he/they transmasc. DOESN'T HE JUST HAVE HE/THEY ENERGY?

MISCELLANEOUS EVIDENCE

this section deals a few other little random things that don't mean much but boy do they add spice to my life

UNICORN SYMBOLISM. drizzt's ranger symbol is a unicorn. a symbol of mielikki of course but also perhaps the most feminine of all mythological creatures and he chose it specifically to represent himself as well. and as a ranger/ nature guardian drizzt occupies a very typically feminine role. like who speaks to animals often? disney princesses do. my girl drizzt is a disney princess deep in his heart and i know this to be true.

now last but not least these ones… these are clearly unintended from salvatore’s pov but i find them FASCINATING

supposed to be a reference to his age i think BUT STILL HOLY SHIT? HE SAYS THAT. DRIZZT HIMSELF OBJECTS TO BEING CALLED A MAN. I'M DOING A LITTLE HAPPY DANCE THIS IS THE GOLD STANDARD FOR TGIRL HEADCANON EVIDENCE

let’s parse this okay because it’s pretty weird and confusing wording. the hag says it is “not for any man; it’s for two and only two” and those two are catti-brie and drizzt, implying NEITHER of them is a man.

the second half conspicuously shifts from “man” to “male,” again avoiding calling drizzt a man and implying he may be male (biologically), but he ISN’T a man. it’s also kind of tacked on to the end, to single drizzt out. almost like the hag was like “shit they’re not going to figure out who the other not-man is so let me add this second thing to it”

and yes of course the author-intent reason it’s phrased like that probably has to do with the word “man” which is sometimes used in these books to mean “human” HOWEVER given that everyone there immediately assumed “no man” referred to catti-brie (who IS human but NOT a man in the gender sense) supports the reading that it does mean gender

IN CONCLUSION

i think drizzt do'urden is a tgirl. i’m just about 100% certain this was not RAS' intent but nonetheless i think a reading of drizzt as transfem based on the evidence present in the books both makes sense and adds a lot to his character AND the other characters AND the story and themes. basically he’s a girl. thanks for readingg

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Writeblr intro post

So yeah when I first came here I didn't know this was a thing so I've been working on this in the background. Now that it won the poll, I'm making it now!

I'm going to edit this post as I go so it has more links as I make posts about my WIPs!

About Me

Hi. Call me Kaylin. It's a pen name but I like it. (Some people are just finding out this isn't my real name and y'all should've read the bio)

I'm an education major and do writing on the side and it's a huge passion of mine (hence why I want to teach literacy)

Asexual demiromantic sapphic (she/her) - (I am comfortable within reason to talk about my experiences)

Love ask games and tag games and generally interacting with others

Love reblogging mutuals' writing talking about WIPs!

21+ but my WIPs are YA - I don't usually reblog anything with a mature community label (sorry in advance for mutuals who do), but when I do I mark it 18+ and I try to label content warnings (LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED SOMETHING)

I'm an educator by heart so I love giving feedback, know a lot about kids, and of course education psychology and theory

I have minor scoliosis, early start of arthritis in my hands, and chronic headaches and migraines attacks in control with medication if anyone needs to ask me about these experiences for writing purposes. I also occasionally use a cane due to knee pain from an injury.

I have an ultimate get to know me game if you want to check that out

Some other general ways to get to know my writing: writer questions, writing questionnaire

My asks are always open! Feel free to stop in whenever you want!

My WIPs

The Secret Portal

See linked intro post for more detail!

YA sci-fi/fantasy

Planned to be a five book series

Quick version: A bunch of adolescents discover a portal to a dimension populated by people with powers. There's also a war. Yayyy.

The first installment is currently in the process of being read by beta readers. Apply to be one here!

One to five game

Q&A (open at any time!)

My OCs

Tagged as #the secret portal, #tsp, or #teaspoon if you want to give it a nickname. #tsp updates and #tsp excerpt are used as well. All characters get their own tag and #alium will be used when talking about my world building

Ask to be added to or removed from the tag list! @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @corinneglass

School of the Legends

See linked intro post for more detail!

YA urban fantasy fairy tale retelling

International school for people with gifts (born with), majicks (learn), and curses (given).

Currently in planning stage but five chapters have been written.

Planned to be a four book series

One to five game

Q&A (open at any time)

My OCs

Tagged as #school of the legends and #sotl. Also use #sotl updates and #sotl excerpt, though not as often as TSP

Ask to be added to or removed from the tag list! @illarian-rambling @katwritesshit @wyked-ao3

I have a WIP questionnaire I have gone for BOTH TSP and SOTL!

It Was All Just a Dream

See linked intro post for more detail!

YA speculative fiction/coming of age/horror

Planned to be a standalone novel

Currently in planning stages

Short version: stuck-up teen gets a vivid, layered dream that forces self-reflection and causes her to lose track of what's real

WIP questionnaire

Tagged as #it was all just a dream and #iwajad. Will use #iwajad excerpt and #iwajad update as needed

Ask to be added to or removed from the taglist!

@thepeculiarbird @mrbexwrites @drchenquill

Other Ideas

The Emerald of Secrets - temporary title for vague fairy fantasy idea

Perspectives - temp title for watching the same event five times in a row from different perspectives

Eternity - temporary title for a supernatural detective anthology

The Others - temporary title for a sci-fi apocalypse story

There are more but these are the main ones

What I Post or Reblog

Updates on my writing

Tag games and ask games! I love them dearly but it may take a bit to reply! I have a lot piled up and not all of them are simple. But I will get to them!!

Writing from others

Writing advice

Beta requests, book announcements, and intro posts to help boost!

I try to keep things positive! If I see a negative post about writing I'll usually reblog it with some positive spin. Sorry if that's annoying but it makes me sad that people aren't happy about writing.

I always try to include image IDs to make my blog accessible - if something is incorrect or you have any suggestions for making IDs better let me know!

[emmashouldbewriting]

I'm trying to find the announcement of his deal for what rights were sold, but it's buried now with this news (so if you have it, do a girl a favour)

I'm a professional googler (i.e., a research librarian) and here's what I found.

The Daily Express has an article from July 2022 about the book that included the tweet Omid posted announcing it: "I can finally share that I'm working on a BRAND NEW BOOK!! So excited to be working again with Carrie Thornton at @deystreet @harpercollins (US) and MsLisaMilton at @hqstories."

(link: https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1648213/Meghan-Markle-Prince-Harry-book-omid-scobie-biography)

Next, when I searched for Scobie and Harper Collins together specifically, I found an article that talked some about the deal: "Scobie sold world English rights to a currently untitled book, set for 2023, to Carrie Thornton at Dey Street. Albert Lee at United Talent Agency brokered the deal on behalf of Scobie." The article's source is the August 2022 Publisher's Weekly announcement (linked within).

(article link: https://meaww.com/omid-scobie-all-set-to-write-new-book-about-meghan-markle-prince-harry-released-in-the-year-202)

Next I looked up everyone these articles ID'd.

Carrie Thornton and Dey Street (which is an imprint of Harper Collins) also published Finding Freedom. Dey Street has the North American's publishing rights.

Lisa Milton is the publishing agent for the UK and Commonwealth rights. (https://www.thebookseller.com/rights/hq-snaps-up-scobies-book-on-the-monarchys-fight-for-survival)

Albert Lee is a literary agent based in NYC. Before becoming a literary agent, he was an editor and a journalist. I think he was also instrumental in publishing Finding Freedom but I haven't been able to find confirmation.

I did try to search for Omid Scobie and Xander, limiting the date range from July 2022 to October 2023 (to exclude this week's tsnuami) but all the search results came back in Dutch, which I don't speak.

well well well, thank youuuuu my darling! let's have a lil Emma publishing lesson, shall we?! disclaimer: this applies only to selling rights for an English book to an English-speaking country, but I often sell my translation rights for my self-pubbed books so I'm used to this.

Publishers will take one of two options: World English, or World Rights. World English is what it says on the tin: English language rights, usually split between US and UK/Commonwealth. With this, you handle foreign translations yourself, although publishers will work together. World Rights is the whole shebang, including translations - when it's this, the publisher then shops around for translations and whatever the foreign publisher pays for it comes off your advance.

World English Rights means he sold just English and held on to foreign translation rights. Dey Street would have then sold the UK/Commonwealth rights to Harlequin, but Scobie's agent would have shopped the translation rights.

Which means Harlequin did not send the manuscript to Xander. Omid Scobie's agent did... and his agent would have sent the manuscript Omid Scobie provided as a final copy for translation.

[deepestdelulu]

Embrace your loneliness

Apply a facemask and watch a movie. (my guilty pleasure, lol..)

Read a book, article, or blog...

Watch a tv show. I'm currently watching Gossip girl.

Try to learn a dance from youtube. It can be an entertaining way to work out.

Paint your nails. Nice hands are always pleasant to see.

Go to the grocery store and buy some snacks.

Try a new recipe.

Go for a walk. Try to reach at least 10k steps daily. There are very nice apps for calorie and steps counting.

Take the 16 Personalities test. I'm an INFP :)

Write a letter to your future self. There is an online page called futureme where you can, as the name indicates, write to your future self <3

Bake something for beloved ones.

Test old pens and throw away the dry ones. As a big fan of stationary I have to admit I should start doing this.

Watch the sunrise or senset. I personally prefer sunrises.

Take a long bath. Try bath bombs, new scented candles while having a bath and girl, just chill, it must be tiring to be that perfect every day.

Make a birthday wishlist. Pinterest and tiktok my biggest alies for this.

Make a bucket list.

Research something. Learn about curious things, it´s very attractive talk with someone cultured.

Make a vision board. Having clear goals will make your way to success easier or at least faster, since you will not have to be thinking about what your next move should be.

Go to a new coffee shop.

Scrolling Tiktok for the next hours. Not recommended to do it everyday, but yall know, we've all been there.

Cut/dye your hair. I love long hair so I don´t cut it oftenly (just trim) but I try to have always my curtain bangs styled.

Create a new playlist.

Make a photo wall. Do it for me, my gotele wall would never let me :(

Make your room cozy.

Accomplished your to-do list.

Update your wardrobe, I´m sure you have there some old stuff. (I do as well)

Learn how to crochet. My last project was a book cover for a frind of mine.

Make yourself a drink, like a tea, coffee, or smoothie!

Clean your digital space. (emails, photos, apps, etc...)

Plan some outfits, so that you don´t have to rush in the mornings.

Feel free to add more advice :)

✩‧₊*:・see ya ･:*₊‧✩

[hergan416]

Coming across another please comment post, specifically about people who say nice things about fics to their friends but won't tell the author, and how betrayed authors feel by private book rec servers and stuff.

And yes, that's not an adequate substitute for talking to the author and isn't motivating and I don't think we should be privatizing our community. But the idea it is a generational fault kind of is bugging me because I notice myself doing some of that too- reading something recc'd to me and only responding in depth in the server or in priv instead of on the fic, and I didn't used to do that five years ago. Granted sometimes that person is in the server or I'm talking in private with the author, and that's... something different? But regardless, it's still not completely generational, it's a changing norm and I want to examine my experience to figure out why that might be.

And for me, I think it comes down to safety and vulnerability. It's easy to see this from the perspective of an author. To post a work for the judgement of The Internet is to be vulnerable. Comments help sooth over that moment of vulnerability. They help make it worth it. Whether the work is low or high effort, doesn't matter.

But commenting is also a moment of vulnerability. It is becoming visible to the author, for a brief moment, and writing down your thoughts when your interpretation might not be "as intended." I've known friends who anxiously waited to see what an author would say about a comment- would it be well received? Would the author be happy?

I feel that too when I comment. I reread the thing and try my best to not impulsively edit it over and over again to be more clear with what I want to say. That this is meant as a compliment, please don't assume malice with my words.

I didn't used to feel like that.

Where did that anxiety about being misinterpreted come from? Why do I feel I have to say everything perfectly or not at all, unless I know you well enough to know you will tolerate a mistake?

Is it of my own making, having had a reader look at the events I wrote and coming to the exact opposite conclusion about the morality of the situation as I did? I was so confused about that, think it ended up being a cultural difference, but I'm not sure because I had the last word, and I still feel terrible about that interaction. I wish I knew how to properly express how fascinating it was to be challenged on my assumptions like that, even if my definition of what constitutes rape didn't shift at all.

Or did it start before then? Was it because of that one time that I got all the way to the end note of a story to find out that alwill shippers weren't supposed to interact because they didn't want readers to interpret an interaction between them as anything but brotherly? (I hadn't read it that way, the fic was tagged sherliam and they hadn't wrote it that way. I left a comment anyway at the time, but I don't think I would have done that if I came accross that fic today.)

In fact, the fact that a loud and vocal subgroup of people simply don't want you to exist because of your taste in ships makes it hard to engage with any people you don't know in fandom at all. What if I leave my comment then click on the author's socials and see that their bio says proship DNI? What happens if they click on my profile and get mad at me for existing around them, like AO3 is Twitter or something? It hasn't happened yet but what if it does?

I'm basically "out" about shipping dark and disturbing content and so this next one doesn't apply to me per se, but what if a group of antis trolls the comment section of my fics for people to harass over their tastes? That's a public admission trying you to me. That could be dangerous in the current internet environment.

And my friends ... know who I am and know I say stuff stupid and largely don't care. So it's easy to tell them "hey look at this, it's y ship and does h really well."

I have no idea if these experiences line up with anyone else's. I don't want to say this ought to excuse me from trying to also tell the author they did h really well. I just am trying to parse through some of my own fears and anxiety and seeing how that relates to the current state of things.

Because I also want more comments. I just also empathize with people who might not always leave them. I don't think it's a moral failing to choose not to comment on a fic you liked. And also I know many of my original core readers have left the fandom/gotten busy/etc. And I know that my writing is probably "tolerable and I finished it, but I am not excited about it enough to talk about what just happened" to a fair amount of people. (And the barrier to talking about it just keeps getting steeper and steeper for me, so maybe that's what's happening with you too.)