#trying to understand why everything feels so wrong

[7almoni]

Unfortunately true bc idk how to handle emotions anymore 😭

WHICH ARE HUMAN AF

what’s acceptable & what’s not?

How to communicate them in an appropriate manner?

Now everything just feels WRONG

Any emotion other than joy, I BATTTLLEE with bc I feel like a fraud. Who am I to feel sad? Upset? Disappointed? And if maybe just maybe I convince myself that it’s ok that I feel this way,

NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO COMMUNICATE IT IN A WAY THAT DOESNT FURTHER CAUSE DAMAGE

I feel like a fuck up feeling these emotions

I feel like a fuck up not knowing how to process them

I feel like a fuck up for not knowing how to express them

I feel like an even bigger fuck up after I try my absolute best to feel, process and express them && it’s still ill received even after so much gosh darn effort went into it 😩

It seems like ppl only take my emotions seriously when I’m at the cliff’s edge and it’s like… I DONT WANNA BE AT THE MFN CLIFF EDGE ITS NOT ENJOYABLE FEELING LIKE A MALFUNCTIONED HUMAN & THUS QUESTIONING THINGS I SHOULDNT BE QUESTIONING

But then everyone is kind.

Everyone is understanding.

Then I’m confused and doubtful bc wtf????

And then it just feels that ppl just don’t want the 🩸on their hands, which understandable ig. But if you didn’t care about pushing me to this point, why care at the end of the matter…

I don’t want to be at the edge…

I really really try hard to not be..

I’ll keep trying but JEEZ

[oaksgrove]

hi love! I hope you're doing alright ♡

im here to request a tiny, little angsty piece. I can picture John being so, so tired from work that he just can't stand being touched, but his beloved needs it so badly, so they go for it (holding his hand) —don't get them wrong, they always ask! but they also had a bad day. John snaps, accidentally smacking their hand away.

little angst, with John comforting withdrawn neurodivergent reader after he accidentally snaps at them, which turns into them comforting each other because "you're tired - no, you are tired", until John moves to seek their touch himself

Tired.

Pairing: John Price x Neurodivergent!Reader

Synopsis: Some days are too much. Too loud, too bright, too sharp. When the world presses in, you don’t need grand gestures. You just need John to understand.

Warning: Sensory overload, brief miscommunication/startled response, hurt/comfort, soft reconciliation

The kettle was screaming again.

High-pitched. Piercing. It had only just started, but it dragged across your nerves like nails on glass. You stood frozen in the doorway of the kitchen, jumper sleeves stretched down past your hands and gripped tight in your fists.

It was just a kettle.

But it wasn’t.

The hallway light was flickering again, same as yesterday, the bulb stuttering in the corner of your vision. The drawer next to the stove was open again—your carefully organized cutlery now out of order, one large spoon stuffed awkwardly into the teaspoon slot like a mistake you couldn’t fix. And the boots—

Thud. Thud. Thud.

John’s heavy steps across the kitchen floor, back and forth, back and forth like a pacing bear in a too-small cage. He was muttering again, voice low but rough with frustration.

“Fucking brass—changing the op schedule last minute—bloody nightmare—”

You winced.

You weren’t scared of him. Never had been. But the noise, the pressure, the weight of it all pressing down around your shoulders—it was too much today. Too loud. Too bright. Too off.

You didn’t even realize you’d whispered his name until his voice cut through the air, sharp and fast.

“What?” he snapped, turning with a furrowed brow, hand half-raised in mid-gesture.

It wasn’t loud. Not really.

But it cracked something in you.

Your whole body stiffened. Like a rubber band stretched too thin. Your shoulders drew up high and your chin tucked down, sleeves clenched in your fists, throat closing up.

John stopped.

Instantly.

His face changed—brows falling, mouth parting with regret blooming like a bruise behind his eyes.

“Shit—no, love—wait—” he stepped toward you quickly, one hand out, then hesitated, hovering like he didn’t want to crowd you. “I didn’t mean that. Christ, I’m sorry.”

You said nothing. You looked down.

And that was somehow worse.

“I was just—” he started again, then cut himself off with a frustrated sound, softer this time. “Fuck, I was bein’ a right bastard.”

You shook your head. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” he said.

You tried to breathe. The room felt too big and too tight all at once. The kettle shrieked one last time before clicking off. Still too late.

“I didn’t mean to be in your way,” you murmured. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just—everything’s loud today. I didn’t want to make it worse.”

John stared at you. His mouth twitched like he was about to argue—but then he caught himself. He crouched a little in front of you instead, like he was trying to shrink himself. His voice lowered.

“You’re not makin’ it worse. I am,” he admitted. “I know when I get like this—loud, angry—I make things heavier. And you’re carryin’ too much as it is.”

You didn’t answer. Not right away.

Just tried to unknot your fingers from your sleeves.

“I don’t always have the words,” you said finally, voice thin. “Some days I just… can’t talk properly. Or explain why everything feels so sharp.”

John’s gaze dropped to your hands, your tight shoulders, the way you were trying so hard to regulate even as your body rebelled against the room.

“You don’t have to explain,” he said. “Not to me.”

You looked at him. A flicker of disbelief passed across your face.

“I’m not good at being…” you trailed off. “Easy. Or quiet. Or normal.”

John’s throat bobbed with a hard swallow.

“I didn’t marry you because I wanted normal,” he said. “I married you because you feel like home.”

A beat of silence. The flickering light still buzzed. But it felt dimmer now—like the world had shifted, just slightly, around him.

“You’re tired,” you said softly. “You’ve been pacing since you got back.”

His mouth tugged into a wry smile. “No, you’re tired.”

You blinked. “Okay. We’re both tired.”

He huffed a warm, half-laugh. Then—very carefully—he leaned his forehead against your chest. Not heavy, just enough for you to feel the quiet weight of him.

“You always let me come back,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “Even when I act like a grumpy sod.”

Your hand came up without thinking. Just resting gently in his hair. Fingers threading through the soft, short strands at his crown.

“I love you,” you said quietly. “Even when you’re a grumpy sod.”

He exhaled. His arms wrapped around your waist.

“I’m sorry for snapping,” he murmured. “Sorry for making today harder.”

“You didn’t,” you whispered. “You just startled me. That’s all.”

You held each other for a long while—standing in the middle of the kitchen, kettle off, boots stilled, lights flickering quietly above. Nothing had changed. But everything had softened.

And when John eventually pulled back to press a kiss to your forehead, he didn’t say anything more.

He just reached over, finally closed the drawer the proper way, and turned off the light.

“C’mon, love,” he said gently. “Let’s go sit down. I’ll make you tea.”

taglist: @honestlymassivetrash @pythonmoth @kittygonap @rainyjellybear @anonymouse1807 @twoandahalfdimes

[sharkbitten-sailor]

can we have some platonic forsaken and teen reader with ptsd headcanons plsss? (i need some comfort in my life god-) - TED talk anon -

[forsaken] forsaken survivors & teen!reader who has ptsd headcanons .ᐟ

a/n; welcome TED Talk anon! i’m really sorry for what you’ve been through , you deserve every ounce of comfort and support. just know , i’m here whenever you need someone to talk to. you are never alone , alr?

noob - they don’t get everything you’re going through , but they get enough to sit quietly by your side and just... listen. sometimes quiet company hits different. - they’ll slide you a boxy cola when they notice you’re overwhelmed. no words needed. - “y-you’re holding up better than i-i would… seriously. you’re kinda... my hero.”

elliot - highkey panics at first. you’re a kid , a survivor , and already carrying this much? it breaks his heart. - adopts you as his lil sibling figure , no questions asked. treats you like you’re made of glass but the kind worth protecting , not pitying. - saves you the last slice of pizza , always. and gently teaches you how to speak your mind , only when you’re ready. - “deep breaths , alright? in… and out. you don’t have to face everything at once. we’ll take it slow , together.”

shedletsky - freezes. not built for deep talks , so his support comes through actions. - offers to teach you sword stuff (if you’re cool with it) or just shares his chicken. - clumsily avoids any mention of possible triggers. you see him fumble , but it’s endearing. he cares. - “hey kid… i’m not great with words , but… i got your back. always.”

007n7 - gets protective real fast. like , instant dad mode. - asks if you're okay when you're alone , never in front of others. (reason is obv.,..) - sure , he asks all the time: how you’re doing , if you’re okay. but it’s always genuinely. - lets you fidget with his clones to calm down. they remind him of his son , and somehow , that softens something in him too. - “you’re not weak. feeling it doesn’t make you any less strong.”

guest 1337 - you’re the only one he lets in like this. shared pain , shared understanding. - shadows you in every round. no killer gets near. not on his watch. - unless they wanna see a locked in guest. rip - if violence erupts , he’ll lure the chaos away. not because he’s scared , but because he doesn’t want you to see it. - “you made it this far… and that’s no small thing. you’re stronger than anyone gives you credit for. including yourself.”

two time - i’m sorry, but they straight up don’t get it. don’t try to either. - might throw you a glance , maybe even pity. but connection?... don’t expect warmth here. - and if they do show a little warmth , trust me. it’s bait. just a way to drag you into their cult.

chance - disaster with emotions. absolute mess. - might accidentally say the wrong thing , realizes it , and hands you his lucky coin as apology. - invites you to endless rounds of monopoly n poker. terrible at comforting , but his goofy jokes will crack the tension , even if just a little. - “shoot… sorry. that was dumb. here- good luck token. it always works for me.”

dusekkar - treats you like fragile glass , always on the edge. - offers to teach you some healing magic. soft , strange stuff that somehow works. both physically & mentally(?) - you’re the only one he lets mess with his deer horns. he says it’s annoying , but never stops you. - “storm passed. still you breathe. still you stand. still you’re here.” (can you tell im this bad at writing rymth stuff ,,,)

taph - same boat as elliot , panic when he saw you at first. why is a minor here , at this hell of all places?? - he’s completely mute , so he starts drawing little comics to talk to you. ends up teaching you sign language too. - offers to teach you tripwire tricks for self-defense. - he’s proud of you no matter what !! no self-loathing allowed !! - constantly reminds you how amazing you are. - 💪🌟🫵 ~ “you’re goated. no arguing.”

builderman - holds real hatred for the entity aka the spectre. it’s really heartless , isn’t it. - protective , but urges you to stay close to other sentinels unless it’s just the two of you. he trusts them more in a fight. - can tell right away when you’re overwhelmed. doesn’t always say much , but he knows. - starts rambling about random stuff like blueprints , upgrades , the best kind of bricks , just to ground you. - sometimes lets you wear his hard hat. says it’s too big , but it’s really endearing to him.

jane doe (added her here cuz i feel like it-) - absolute shock,. mother-insect mode activated. you can’t convince me otherwise/hj - instantly becomes your main caretaker. basically adopts you as her kid. she always wanted one , after all. - shares the best of what she has , from rations to rare supplies. you get first pick. - drops whatever she’s doing if you want to talk. no hesitation. no delay. - “speak. whatever it is , i’m listening.” - “they were cruel to send you here. i won’t be.”

a/n; here ya go !! my first time writing all the forsaken survivors ,,, turns out it’s way easier than handling the lil ones with long hcs ,,,, he ,,

WAIT THE TAGS- SAVE ME-

[odairloverr]

common misconceptions with loa, manifestation, and shifting 𐙚

coming from someone who has shifted 3x and has mastered manifestation

disclaimer: this is my perception of manifestation, shifting, and law of assumption. you do not have to agree with my views. whatever your belief is is valid, but this is what has worked for me time and time again and i simply wish to share. lmk what questions u have! i've been manifesting my entire life (knowingly for 6 years) but i've only been into shifting for a matter of months. thanks @hrrtshape <33 i owe her for my current mindset towards shifting ! also my first tumblr post omg.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

loa/manifestation:

- “ within manifestation, you have to try hard to receive your results “

you don’t even have to “try.” law of assumption is simply assuming what you want has already manifested. you have your desire already, so why would you be trying? if you want to manifest something, simply understand the fact that you already have your desire and it’s done. unless you BELIEVE you have to, there’s no need to affirm, listen to subs, visualize. no need to wait, anticipate or expect because you are in a reality where you have your desire. at the end of the day, what YOU believe is correct.

i listen to subliminals for fun (i believe they give me results, but i am not reliant on them to manifest) I visualize for fun, i affirm for fun. what REALLY brings my manifestations to me is knowing i already have it and letting go.

- “ my desires aren’t showing up in the 3d. i’m doing everything right, why am i not receiving them? “

i’ve heard this issue from quite a few people and all i can say is. read that again? view everything you speak as truth. i have been quite wary of any thought or word that i speak recently. by saying you don’t see any results, you are affirming you do not see any results.

example: “you want a new phone. it’s been a few days, and I’ve been expectantly waiting for signs, listening to subliminals, affirming for hours; but still no new phone. you feel demotivated. maybe manifestation isn’t real. you don’t see any results, so you might as well stop trying. it’s taking too long”

well… you kind of just affirmed that. you DIDDD manifest that if that is your view of manifestation. if you expect the new phone will take a long time, it will. it may seem difficult to some people to overcome the 3d, to ignore it and KNOW your manifestation is done. but if you practice this, simply being content in the fact you know you already have everything you want, you will slip into this practice habitually. don’t give into your doubts. your doubts have no power until you grant them authority.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

shifting:

- “ i’m going to try to shift tonight / i can’t wait to shift tonight. ”

i love the excitement for you honey but u are viewing shifting as a destination whether that’s intentional or not. remember your body is not physically traveling, you are shifting your awareness to a universe where you already exist. if you already exist there, then isn’t it already done? if you shift in the same way as me (assumption) try to embody the fact that you are already present there?

i will say though there’s no right or wrong way to shift. what works for you works for you. it comes down to what you believe in.

- “ what method should i do to shift? ”

you don’t have to do any! don’t feel pressured to attempt a method because it worked for others. try different ones around if you want, if that’s helpful for you! they can be fun, comforting, or routinized which might help others, but they are NOT obligatory in shifting. if you don't like the method for any reason, don't!

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

requested questions:

"how to really settle into the mindset of "3d is a reflection of the 4d" and "the 3d can lag" and how to grow more comfortable with that?"

work on your self-concept and reprogramming your mindset. this might sound complicated but I promise it isn't! with "3d is a reflection of the 4d," it tells us that thoughts, beliefs, emotions, assumptions, imagination, and self-concept will affect what we see in our physical world. so how would you adjust to that mindset? you change how you think. practice gratitude to the universe, positivity, and overall just believing in your own power. HYPE YOURSELF UP. u can literally do anything and you have no limits. FELL PROUD OF THAT. in my personal belief, I believe that whatever you think and say is true and vibrates throughout the universe, so being careful to always speak positively and practicing self love and gratitude are very important! i have a self concept subliminal playlist I listen as well if that helps.

now the 3d lag part.... im gonna be so honest idgaf ab that imo. ive always found myself scrolling past posts about that because.. the 3d isn't lagging? you already have ur desire, why would you be tell yourself you don't? that's js how i view it :)) again, if that is your belief, just practice working on how you think! everything you think and say is a manifestation (ect. my stomach hurts, I'm going to go eat) now, how to grow more comfortable with this mindset? practice! believe in yourself STRONGLY. nothing can stop you. there's no limits, no boundaries, no exaggerations. nothing is impossible and you have everything you could possibly want in your grasp. "what's ignoring the 3d and how to do it?" ignoring the 3d is not reacting to your physical reality when it contradicts your manifestation. i did go more into detail about why we do it above but here's how:

you know your manifestation is already yours. why worry about it any longer. let go of it as you are content that it is already factually yours. if you have a new phone, you aren't going to be constantly checking "did my new phone finally manifest? well you already have it! view all of your manifestations from the lens. it's already done and nothing can change that! again, working on self concept, self love, gratitude can help you to to fall into that mindset "how does your subconscious interpret each thought + how it works with manifestation and shifting" your subconscious does not argue. it does not analyze. it does not fight you. it's very willing and pliable. whatever you feed your subconscious it will accept! when you affirm or assume something, your subconscious does not filter that into "true or not true" it just accepts it! this is why working on self concept / reprogramming is not only important but extremely effective. your conscious mind / ego is the judging, critical part. and u don't listen to that ho. ur ego us like ur overprotective friend who's trying to stop u from being embarrassed. when u are manifesting, ur ego might tell u its not possible. it's okay to doubt yourself, you are human. BUT. are u going to give into those doubts? NO. never let those untrue doubts control YOU. basically. whatever u feed ur subconscious will be accepted as fact and then reflect into ur physical reality. that's it! "how do you use loa as a beginner in shifting? how do you assume? what keywords do you use when shifting?" it's quite simple! you assume by accepting whatever you want is true! you aren't hoping that your desire will manifest, but KNOWING it did. in shifting, this is simply knowing you are in your dr, that you are a master shifter, that shifting is fun and simple. affirmations and visualizations are good and completely valid, but letting go has been extremely helpful for me. knowing what you want is already yours and simply letting go. you don't obsessively check if it worked. it's done already! be happy and proud that you've achieved this!

when I shift, I affirm myself a bit for fun and go to sleep KNOWING I am already aware in my dr. thats literally it no visualization or robotic affs or some crazy sleeping position. just embodying the truth. "how do you know you've found the right subliminal?"

there is no right subliminal! as long as u are listening to a trusted sub maker (look in the comments for good reviews and making sure there's no bad affs layered in there) sub are effective! it depends on if you believe in these subs! i have never failed a manifestation in my life and a lot of those in the past were from sub makers, various different creators! I do have preferences for some submakers but at the end of the day it doesn't matter which u listen to! what you desire is already yours! if you feel off about listening to a sub, turn it off and maybe research the creator online. ok THANKS FOR READING love u guys! happy shifting and manifesting! remember how amazing, powerful, and valuable you are. ⋆ ִֶָ ๋𓂃🎐 ⋆ with love, liz.

[mortal-ethos]

The first time I started figuring out my gender, I felt very fluid, but due to the rise in transmed ideology and being a kid in an oppressive household and society, I tried so hard to be a man. I thought I had to be a man, and I felt like shit because I constantly was questioning myself, constantly insecure, I did everything I was "supposed" to do and be as a "man" both by the standards I grew up with, and the modern standards I had begun to see and still continue to see amongst "progressive" circles (which was doing everything by myself and taking abuse from my partners because the idea of men standing up for themselves or taking a single second to themselves is pushed as abuse and laziness, so I just. Did everything. And took all of it).

I was the handy man, I Mended the garments, I cooked every meal, I cleaned the house and did the dishes, I was the only one working, I put aside any issues or emotions I had for every person/partner, I was constantly told anytime I showed emotion that I was scary or that I was wrong, that I wasn't allowed to feel the way I felt, that I made problems all the time out of nothing, so I stopped and when I would keep my emotions down during conversations I was told I wasn't talking like a real person, any time I tried to talk about mental health issues I was made fun of so I stopped, any time I had a need I was degraded for wanting something so I stopped expressing a desire for closeness and emotional connection while being told that I needed to talk about my problems more even though they were constantly ignored, I was my partners' wallet, I couldn't have my own interests and always had to engage others with theirs while mine were judged and belittled, not even getting into how much pressure there was on me to "look" like a man. I did fucking everything I could until I broke.

I used to think if I just was a Good Man, if I just did everything asked of me, everything I was told, if I did everything right, if I was only ever gentle and kind and vulnerable, I would be happy. The pain would go away, I could be myself, and I could make everyone else happy. I could show what a Good Man was, I could be better. And I tried so hard. But I broke. I wasn't a good man. I couldn't do it. I broke down wondering what was wrong with me. Why was it no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. I would never be gentle enough, kind enough, skilled enough, strong enough, communicative enough, stoic enough, happy enough, rich enough, I would never be enough. So I gave up and I asked myself, who was I trying to be enough for? For people that don't know me? For people that don't care about me? For people that would never understand me anyway? Why was I never happy, even when I did everything asked of me... Why was no one ever happy with me?

Why was I STILL NOT MAN ENOUGH.

So I said fuck it. Who am I being a man for. My gender shouldn't feel like a fault in my personhood. And I let myself sit with it for a while. I asked myself, why do I still connect with my womanhood, with the lesbian community, with girlhood, why is this feminine rage still inside me intricately entwined with my masculine transness? Why, when I talk about women's issues, why do I have to choke down saying "we" and "us?" Why, when I feel like a man, is it strongest when I'm helping the ones that I love? What about those days I feel like neither, the days I feel more connected to the moss beneath my feet, to the shadows of tree branches, to the smell of rain, to the sound of boots on pavement, to the metallic taste of blood, to the ones that wear masks? What about those days I feel like I don't want to decide, I don't want to settle on one thing, where I feel like the planets in orbit, all circling each other simultaneously, each rotating themselves? The days where I see myself on this earth as intimately woven into the fabric of existence, when I experience creation and make myself into a new person for that moment, a new color unseen, a new emotion unfelt, a new breath never shared?

I'm not a man, or not just a man. I'm not just a woman, I'm not just non-binary. I tried fitting my experiences, my existences, into one singular label. Into the label that was supposed to be right, the one that was easy, the one everyone else is. I felt like my gender queer experiences were a gender failing, a pathetic flailing attempt at transness. I wasn't man enough, but I had to be because... I thought that was my only option.

Anyone thinking being non-binary, being gender fluid, being agender, bigender, gender queer, is all just part of the process of eventually settling into a binary identity is so, so wrong. I am not lost or confused. I didn't lose myself, my transness, my queerness, in the fluidity. I found my way back home.

when nonbinary people discover they are actually transgender binary, i wish them all the best, but i cannot STAND when they dismiss their previous identity as illegitimate. sure, maybe it wasnt you, but nonbinary is still real and valid.

i remember when a nonbinary content creator i really resonated with came out as a trans man instead, he started saying that nonbinary is "only a stepping stone to being the opposite binary!!" and that its "just a pipeline effect and nothing solid :)" i had recently separated from my long term partner due to identity related reasons and i was feeling insecure, finding community online. i questioned myself for months then, forcing the idea of being binary onto myself in what was admittedly an ocd spiral. its not his fault but i feel if you make queer content you kinda owe it to your audience to not spread false and harmful narratives about it

this is exorsexism.

i've seen it time and time again that previously-nonbinary content creators come out as binary trans and suddenly become really exorsexist in their stance, behaviour, language. this stuff never hurts their following though and nonbinary people who point this out usually end up being accused of transmisia and "being too sensitive". meanwhile people act like our genders are time bombs.

[ashonheavenscloud]

p1harmony members when you don’t say “i love you” back

warnings: none!

a/n: requested! enjoy <3

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

☆ keeho:

do NOT pull this stunt on keeho. he will be so offended and flabbergasted and he’ll immediately call it out. he says it quite often but always waits for your response. sometimes he might even say “i love you” first just to hear you say it back. so when you don’t respond as usual, instead just pecking him and walking away, he has to take a few seconds to recover from his shock.

he calls out to you, “what was that?” “what was what?” “what do you mean what was what, you didn’t say it back!”

waits in hopes that you’ll say it back now that he’s pointed it out—and will bother you to say it. if you’re stubborn enough not to give in, he’ll roll his eyes. “i see how it is. it’s fine, don’t say it then.” will act petty until you apologize or finally say the words he’s looking for.

will probably pretend to hold a grudge for a while after. makes you promise not to do it again, even if it was just a prank. is overall very dramatic about the whole thing. “you’re gonna have to say you love me every hour today to make up for what you put me through.”

☆ theo:

when theo says i love you, he doesn’t take it lightly. as someone who typically saves such words for special or intimate occasions, having you practically ignore him baffles him. when he comes behind you cooking and softly says “i love you,” your lack of response throws him completely for a loop.

stands there blinking for a second, wondering if you are too focused on cooking (but you’re just stirring) or didn’t hear him (even though his mouth is right next to your ear). cue more confused blinking as he waits for a delayed “i love you” back and doesn’t get one.

eventually his curiosity and confusion get the better of him. “did you hear me?” when you nod, he just stares at you. and doesn’t stop, even when you laugh. “theo, what are you doing?” more staring. you’ve broken him.

when you finally explain the prank, he comes to life again, exasperated. “ya! it’s not funny!” despite his show of annoyance he’s smiling, relieved it was just a dumb joke. goes back to normal the second you say i love you, with a kiss for good measure. “that’s what i thought.”

☆ jiung:

when jiung mumbles “i love you” into your ear while you’re cuddling in bed in the morning, he doesn’t think too much about it at first. he never really expects you to say it in return, he mostly just says it because it’s what’s on his mind rather than for a reaction or response. however, when he repeats the words later when you’re saying goodnight, and you still don’t say it back, he begins to feel like something is off.

immediately jumps to worrying. is something wrong? are you upset with him? or just upset in general? this isn’t like you at all, especially not twice. he waits for a couple minutes in case you bring it up, but when you don’t, he gently approaches the subject.

“is everything okay?” “yeah, of course! why?” “i don’t know, you just didn’t say i love you back earlier, and then again right now…”

he looks so genuinely concerned for you that you drop the act quickly and tell him that it’s just a prank. his worry melts away and he groans dramatically. “seriously? i thought something was wrong!” feels a little ridiculous for falling for it, but is good natured and laughs at himself. with his concerns eased, he repeats his goodnight, smiling when you, at last, say “i love you” too.

☆ intak:

intak LOVES saying i love you and LOVES hearing it from you, too, it makes him so giddy. so he notices it immediately when you don’t say it back when he kisses you before leaving for work in the morning. spends the entire day thinking about it, replaying the moment and trying to understand why you didn’t say it back. is both dumbfounded and anxious. did he upset you? are you mad? cannot fathom why you wouldn’t say it back unless something is wrong.

his concern would quickly turn into feeling kind of hurt and bummed about it. when he gets home, it would be obvious that something was bothering him by his posture and distractedness. you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he ruminates, constantly glancing at you with those inquisitive puppy eyes as you eat dinner like nothing happened.

doesn’t know how to bring it up and just goes kind of quiet, mind still trying to work out what to do and how to figure this out. while washing dishes, he’ll gather up his courage and gently ask you if there’s anything wrong. when you tell him no, of course not, he’s even more confused and worried.

he wouldn’t catch on ever and would just continue to sadly mull over your lack of response in his head so you’d have to tell him yourself that it was a prank. when you do, he practically melts into a puddle with relief. “oh my god, i thought i did something wrong, but i couldn’t figure out what-” will be extra clingy and will demand lots of kisses and “i loves yous” to make him feel better after being stressed about it the whole day

☆ soul:

in my head, soul doesn’t verbally say “i love you” all that often, preferring to save the words for special occasions and intimate moments. so when you don’t say it back, he takes it personally. will literally stare at you, waiting for you say it back

when you walk away instead, he stands in spot for a few stunned moments before following you. and staring again. and if you move again, he trails behind you, eyes practically burning holes in your head while he waits for you to give him the response he’s looking for.

after shifting locations three or four times, you are forced to acknowledge him with a laugh. “what?” “you didn’t say it back.” “what?” “i love you. you didn’t say it back.”

when you shrug and go back to what you were doing, it dawns on him that you’re probably looking for a reaction by pulling a prank. decides to make every effort to put you through hell until you confess your sins LMAO will poke your arm, get all in your space, continually demand you say it back until you finally give in and say it. and then you’re immediately forgiven. he kisses your forehead and goes back to whatever he was doing before like nothing happened, smiling to himself that he beat you at your own game

☆ jongseob:

please don’t ever ever ever do this to jongseob he will be STRESSED. he’s very conscious of the words “i love you” and the weight behind them and makes a point to say them to you at least once a day. when you’re curled up in bed together doing your own things, he gently kisses your cheek and says it.

when you hum in response instead of saying it back, he immediately loses his ability to think of anything else for the rest of the day. will play it off as nothing because he rationalizes that it’s not really a big deal. internally, he’s overthinking like nobodys business. why didn’t you say it back? were you just not feeling it? distracted? upset? maybe you’ve just reached that point in your relationship where you don’t feel the need to say it back every time. but you’ve never done that. are you upset with him? spirals. literally zones out and spirals.

later, he’ll make it more intentional: “you know i love you, right?” when you nod, he frowns. “okay, i’m not overthinking this, right?”

when you tell him it’s a prank, he sighs with relief and a bit of fond exasperation. “i was so stressed...” honestly finds it funny now that he’s not stressed about it, but will be a little petty for the bit. eventually just rolls his eyes, and relents with a “c’mere,” kissing you and telling you not to do something like that again for the sake of his well being

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

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[artificial-people-ai]

What I meant was that it's not a mechanical thing. S01E01, MB chose to let the guys burn its hand because "it's nothing compared to what the governor module would do to me if I don't comply". Of course is conditioning, coercion, sIavery, and all the big awful words. But I meant they're not doing it in an automatic mechanical way, but actually thinking "I should do this, otherwise it'll be worse".

To be clear, the last thing I'm doing is defending Corp. Rim, they treat humans as slaves too, I mean, Gurathin, all the other workers at the factory, it's...wow. So you can't expect better from the same Corporation when we talk about SecUnits in general. That appear to be treated like less than furniture by others all over. Like Leebeebee aggressively trying to get on with MB and "modify" MB's body for "use" even after knowing its acting like a free agent and not controlled, that was a scene in equal parts absolutely funny and absolutely disgusting. Implying that humans regularly abuse SecUnits "just because they paid for them, so they're their property to use as they like", while this bots are all fully conscious they're being ..."you know".

Everything about it is...next level horrendously WRONG.

Like, this "aggressive" reaction, it's absolutely warranted. 👇

It's absolutely understandable why SecUnit is the way it is. The crew only gets creeped out because they never had to go through what MB did go through. It feels better when people don't look at its face, "its not a se x bot", MB is trying to make a clear point. "Mess with me and I have weapons, I can defend myself now". That's one hell of a statement.

maybe, if murderbot had to be really honest, it hurt that the humans celebrated the other Security Unit's death.

it was just doing its job, after all. it didn't have a choice. Did they have to cheer so loud when it was beheaded?

would they cheer if murderbot were beheaded, too?

(I was thinking about this after SE01 EP07)

[friendlyneighborhoodcat]

Forsaken Yandere HC-3

Took a while for me to actually start on this because of homework, sorry for the delay:(

I still got 2 pounds of assignment I gotta finish but regardless, enjoy the food<3

This one is for the killers, Noob, and n7 btw. The other survivors are in my two other post

Coolkid will automatically be a platonic yandere, romantic yandere Coolkid writers DNI.

Jason will be the only non-yandere in all three parts. I HC him to be aroace and refuses to look past that.

Warning: Might be ooc

1x1x1x1: She's a narcissistic, sadistic, and pathetic wet cat. Will def target anyone BUT you. Always leave you for LMS (She still kills you, tho, she just likes the thrill of it). Would definitely be grumpy if u ended up winning the LMS and went back to the killer's cabin to stab the wall with her Daemonshank. She resents you, a lot, for being on her mind 24/7. She has long taught herself that affection is weakness(HC), so she doesn't know why it was much different when it comes to you. She's too prideful to admit shit, so if anything you'll just get absolutely mauled if you ever mentioned or teases her about it. It always feels wrong to kill you specifically, and she's fuming that it is.

John Doe: He's a gentleman when it comes to you, mainly because the feeling he has for you reminded him of the feelings he still has for ____. He'd give you small things like flowers he found in a round, or things he made by hand. He doesn't understand much of humans' emotions, but he still tries to for your sake. He always leaves you for LMS before coming up to you and trying to communicate. It always scares the living shit out of you, but you eventually let your guard down a little and share with him some things abt you. You're still wary of him, though, that's for sure. But he's always patient with you. He'll literally do whatever you tell him to, seriously. Tell him to go fight The Spectre, and he WILL actually try it. The Spectre ended up throwing him back to the Killers' cabin with a warning.

C00lkid: Strictly platonic yandere!! He loves you mainly because you're friendly and open around his dad. Would definitely target you first because you're 'his new fav tag buddy', it's only cuz n7's clone fools him every time and he got grumpy from that. You pity him, you really do, since he has to be forced to kill in order to survive as a child. So you're always forgiving and patient when it comes to something that he did. Even if it's server wiping and ripping you to pieces, you'd still forgive him. He thinks of you as a second parent because of that, so he'd always try to get you to 'marry' n7 so it can be official. He's not, in any way, possessive of you. He just gets upset when you show attention to anyone else who isn't his dad.

Jason: Yell at me all you want, but Jason is NOT a romantic yandere. Nor is he a platonic yandere. He's not the type to get jealous or protective over someone. He does think you're cool, tho. Doesn't stop him from hitting you with gashing wound. He only kinda likes you because his mother likes you, but even then, he still wouldn't hold back from server wiping. Overall, he doesn't give a fuck. Ki ki ma ma

Noob: He's tripping over his own feet running around trying to please you. Nervous as hell when it comes to interactions regarding you. You would have to be the one to start a convo with him, cuz he's too scared to even be in your vicinity. He does share his bloxy colas with you during rounds, only if you ask cuz he's fucking terrified of you. You find his nervousness endearing in a way, while he's just trembling when you're around. It's bc of him thinking that you're too cool and stuff to be hanging around him, and he thinks you're judging him for everything he does. He's pathetic, I know. Your patience does get him to warm up to you a little, but he's still somewhat closed off.

007n7: You're one of the few people who don't mind his past, hence why he likes you. He wouldn't show himself much during rounds, but he would leave bloxy colas and medkits near your area(referencing YFAT AU, peak AU btw yall should check it out). He'd apologize for Coolkid's behavior whenever his son tries to get you to 'marry' him. You both find it quite amusing, though. He loves it when you start convos with him regarding the CoolGUI, though he does get uncomfortable when he mentions his past. He'd sometimes get dirty looks from Elliot when he was around you, and he'd visibly flinch from that(Elliot heavily resents him for burning his workplace several times and fears something like that might happen to you).

-----

UEUEUUEUEUE

This is so painful to write, especially when I don't know most of their personalities *sobs*

I'd love to write additional characters like Noli, Azure, or Mafioso but this post would be too long and I'm too tired for that sighs.

I'm considering taking requests, but it's not decided yet since I have to see if I have the time

BYE SILLIES<3

[julietcpulet]

Jinshi’s Scar

Why did she do it and why did he accept it?

Why Shisui gave him the scar:

Overall I think this is fairly simple. Regardless of how her mother treated her, the bad blood between them with her sister or the downfall of the clan, a part of Shisui loved her mother and wanted to do something to show she could please her.

The one thing her mother seemed to want was to get back at the former Emperor for spurning her. Even if she didn’t understand the motives behind it, she hated him. So Shisui marking Jinshi is basically fulfilling her mother’s one wish, to get back at the face of the empire in the only way really left possible to her. Is it somewhat petty and ultimately futile? Yes, but it’s a young woman showing what little love and honor remains for a mother who never gave any back to her.

I believe it also has to do with her knowing that if she does make this choice to mark a royal person, she will be punished and as she had realized by then, there was no turning back. The only choice was to cast the stage light on herself to pull it away from others like her sister. So in scarring Jinshi, she ensures that those who protect him will act against her as the final villainess and with Jinshi's protection, leave her sister alone.

Why Jinshi accepted being scarred:

Outwardly this seems like a strange choice that he would let the enemy’s daughter mar his face. Especially when we learn that he knows his subordinates would be punished if his face is damaged. Here’s the double-edged sword to that though, Jinshi at his core is a very caring person, almost to his own destruction at times. We see when he confronts Shishou and the solider is nearly shot, Jinshi steps in front of him and blocks it.

This is shocking considering he’s the one meant to be protected and the Prince. So for him to willingly let Shisui scar his face when he knows others will be punished when he’s tried hard to keep from people being hurt shows that he’s doing this for a deeper purpose. Jinshi’s subordinates will not be privy to the bigger picture of everything Jinshi learns about the Shi Clan plot and how it ties into the nation as a whole. He is the one who willingly takes on the burden of the knowledge and the atonement for the former emperor’s wrongdoings.

As Jinshi says after Shisui asks him why he didn't take the feifa from her. "You had something you wanted to tell me." He's a reasonable and sympathetic person, once he's listened to her story, he grants her requests, one of those being to scar his own face. Jinshi has also always struggled with wondering if he looks like the Emperor and feeling the burden to break away from that legacy, this scar in a sense finally gives him the chance to do so. That’s why he embraces it almost in a fond way later in the novels.

So for Shisui this scar was the last severance of familial obligation and love for a parent who couldn’t get past her revenge and for Jinshi it was about trying to right wrongs done by the past and show a new way forward, even to rid himself of his “nymph” status by having a flaw. The scar is important to both for what it represents as a means for change.

[qwerty019283ytrewq]

I remembered what Max had said about his emergency contact, and I was off.

Notes: no girls or children. Well, almost no children.

Emergency contact 🚑

✨️Imagine ✨️

"My emergency contact used to be Daniel. It's probably time to replace it."

Dan can't figure out why his alarm clock is ringing. He rarely sets his alarm now, and he definitely didn't turn it on yesterday.

"What the heeell?"

Opening his eyes, he realizes two things: first, it's too dark outside for the morning, and second, it's not the alarm clock ringing.

He groans hoarsely into the pillow. The call ends and Daniel is about to fall asleep when the phone starts ringing again.

"Fuck!"

He sits down and picks up the phone. The number isn't identified, but it seems familiar, and there's a feeling inside him, as if he should definitely answer.

"elo."

"Hello, Mr. Ricciardo, this is the hospital."

Women looks up at the sound of Daniel crashing into the nurse's post.

Everything inside him stops.

It's easy to get to the hospital through the streets of Monaco. It's quick, even on foot. But Daniel is half-asleep, half-in shock, so he chooses the car. Getting lost on foot with all these stairs and elevators is easier than by car.

🚑

"Oh, Mr. Riccardo, it's been a while!"

The familiar nurse smiles sweetly. Daniel would have remembered her name if he hadn't been sleepy and shocked.

"Hello. Yes, I... You know, I have no idea what's going on right now."

She laughs quietly and opens some notes.

"No need to worry. This rookie? Kimi, he's fine. Just a broken eyebrow, no concussion. He's already got stitches. He's waiting for you."

🚑

Daniel is sitting in his car still trying to digest the information, but it just won't stick. Maybe it's because of the two teenagers in the back seat.

"So. One more time. But now slowly, in order, and just the essentials."

He looks at them in the rear-view mirror. The boys suddenly look scared. Damn.

"I'm just overwhelmed, okay? I don't quite understand what's going on. Not yet." He speaks in a softer, calmer voice.

Kimi nods, keeping her eyes on him through the mirror, and then looks out the window, as if embarrassed.

"Me and Ollie..."

"It's me."

"I know it's you, buddy." Does Oliver look pleased?

"Ollie and I decided to go for a ride on a scooter. Something went wrong..."

"I'm sorry, but the cat..."

"And I fell..."

"There was so much blood on his face, I got scared and took him to the hospital."

The boys fell silent. Dan sighed wearily and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was too old for this shit.

"Are you all right?"

"My eyebrow hurts a little, but I'm fine."

"And you, Ollie, buddy?"

"Y-yes, sir, I'm fine."

"Sir." Dan smiled. "I know I look old with my beard, but I'm 35, not 50. No need for sir, buddy, just call me Daniel."

"Yes, sir...I mean, Daniel!...Okay."

"Okay, let's get you back."

"Wait, we didn't tell you the address."

The guys seemed to calm down when they heard the sound of the engine. Damned kids, brought up on Formula 1. Oliver and Kimi were whispering in the back seat as Dan smoothly drove through the streets of Monaco, straight into a trap.

🚑

Kimi giggles at something but stops suddenly. He kicked Oliver's leg.

"Nope." Dan chuckled.

"But then where..." The question was cut off by a knock on the window.

"What the fuck!? First, you text me "What the hell, Max!?" Then you're gone for 30 minutes, don't answer your phone, and then you just text "Wait downstairs?!" What happened?"

Dan looked at Max's outfit. His casual shorts and washed-out T-shirt suggest that he dressed quickly and didn't pay much attention to matching his clothes. This is particularly evident in his different shoes.

"Remember when you got drunk with the guys at "Jimmy'z", and all of you went for a walk, and you, Maxie, hit the road sign with your face?"

Max stares at him, his face flushing red. He remembers. Not everything, but the way Dan stood over him in the hospital, wearing the same "Woke up at 3 a.m." outfit, looking upset, and worried.

"You had five stitches then," Dan continues, a small smile on his lips. "But the doctor did a great job. There's not even a scar left."

"I remember, Daniel, what are you getting at?"

"Then don't make a scene." The rear window slowly lowered.

"Andrea Kimi Antonelli!"

"Max, I'll tell them about Saint-Tropez."

"It was your fault!"

"I warned you!"

"Max said that if I couldn't reach him, I should call you."

[sophiathefallen]

The way the Crystal Gems exploit Greg's insecurities about being a failure will always make me sick. Greg always brings up how he doesn't understand really gem stuff, even well into season 5 (need I remind people of the SDCC 2017 trailer). Pearl was aware of, and dare I say even planted, this insecurity in We Need To Talk:

"Fusion is the ultimate connection between gems. And you. Are not. A gem."

So of course when Steven was born, he would feel unequipped to take care of him. The last time he tried to do something gem related (fusing with Rose), he failed, so why would now be any different.

What people tend to miss out on is that Greg also feels like a failure when it comes to just being a person.

Remember, he was not some musical rockstar. He hosted a free concert where one person attended and it was literally someone from a different planet. That very concert essentially ended his music career (Greg the Babysitter shows that his attempts to continue were unsuccessful), which need I remind you is something he ran away from home and changed his name to do.

In Steven Universe Future, we see that Greg's parents were very overbearing and expected him to lead a very different life than he did. "Everything I liked, or wore, or wanted was always wrong." Even to his own family, Greg was a failure, if not a disgrace to their legacy. We are explicitly told in Future that Greg's hands-off parenting was heavily influenced by him not wanting to repeat his parents mistakes. As soon as Greg was able to give Steven freedom, the Crystal Gems swooped in and drew Steven in with ideas about being part of some magic destiny, which follows Steven throughout the show.

This complexity pot was brewing since the beginning. The Crystal Gems were grieving the loss of their leader while trying to fulfill her wishes. Greg was afraid of failing Steven just like he failed almost everybody else in his life. I believe that even if the Crystal Gems didn't want to take Steven, Greg would have made them anyway.

Do you guys ever think about how greg never “othered” steven. like in the beginning i mean. in three gems and a baby we see that as worried as greg is about the gem part, he never ultimately sees steven as anything more than just,,, a normal human kid. Like it truly feels like greg wanted to just give steven a normal human life,,, or at least as normal as possible

Do you ever think about how the gems avoided greg as often as they could. How judgemental they are towards him in the beginning. How they genuinely think they’re better caregivers for steven to the point that theyre willing to take him forcefully themselves. And yeah obviously that was a one time thing and they regret it now but like,,, yk how they clearly cling onto steven Because of their grief for rose, and their desire to keep that part of her as close as possible? Doesn’t it feel like greg, in the earlier seasons, is kind of more like a friend to steven than a father? it almost feels like at a certain point he started to. Agree that steven was better off with the gems?

we can see that they started building the beach house when steven was Very little- like its hard to say exactly how old but he’s like. still missing baby teeth. And like yeah obviously steven should get to grow up in a house and not a van but why would greg want the house specifically built at the temple and be okay with just. Not being included in the accommodation? Greg is essentially just accepting giving steven up to the gems when hes still so young and. Why would he do that unless…He specifically feels like he isn’t fit to care for steven to begin with…? I mean like,, when he even Tries to actually parent steven after this point the gems literally stare at him like HE’S the alien in the house. Like for a solid 3 seconds

Essentially. Specifically in the early seasons we can TELL the gems think very lowly of greg. its made explicitly clear that they dont respect his judgement or his decisions regarding steven let alone. Anything really. Hell pearl fucking tries to take him to SPACE after greg explicitly tells her Not to do that. I think they get a lot better as the show goes on but like in s1 especially it is very clear the gems just do Not gaf about Anything greg says 😭😭

And obviously pearl is the most vocal about this…Garnet its hard to say since she isn’t very vocal abt Anything but she definitely feels similarly to pearl. amethyst is p chill with greg but she also doesn’t really Object to the gems’ treatment of him. They all deep down truly believe that they are better suited to care for steven than greg is— they literally say this outright in three gems and a baby and pearl says “He’ll thank us later” after they literally KIDNAP HIM. and obviously they dont. kidnap him again. and they realize that they cant raise a human baby. Obviously. But this doesn’t prevent them from clearly “othering” steven— insisting that he’s a Gem and he’s Different from other kids. (Also they still do a LOT of other fucked up shit like. AGAIN. pearl literally taking him to space despite greg NOT consenting to that WHATSOEVER is essentially the same thing as kidnapping him LMFAOOOO)

And like they do also eventually realize how important of a figure greg is in steven’s life….especially in the later seasons, and that’s when we really start to see greg be more of a Parent to steven i feel. It’s honestly why i think they kind of instilled this blatant “othering” of steven onto greg— because not only is he clearly willing to give steven up to them, but later in “mr. universe”…. greg pretty much implies exactly the same thing the gems did. That steven is Different. that he Can’t be raised like a normal kid.

Im not saying he wasn’t worried about stevens gem half before ofc, I’m sure he’d still be hesitant to take his fucking half rock alien son to the doctor or to enroll him in school but like— i truly do think greg wanted steven to have a normal life!!! and i feel like the gems kind of poured salt in the wound when it came to these preexisting insecurities, and because these are Rose’s Friends, they’re Steven’s family too and like,,, greg is completely clueless when it comes to the gem stuff!!! He doesn’t know what to do with ANY of that, but garnet, pearl, and amethyst Do— so rlly who is he to object???

Obviously i dont think either party is a Saint or the Devil in this situation or anything but hopefully I dont have to say that because this show is well known for incredibly nuanced characters so i Hope people understand what im saying here— basically i think the gems, in their grief, genuinely instilled this belief in greg that he just Wasn’t suited to care for steven. That steven was Different. that They were the only ones who knew what was best for him. And so greg truly felt like giving steven up to them was what was Best for him

And I don’t think either situation, whether living with greg or the gems, would’ve necessarily been “better” or “worse” for steven— i think his whole magical destiny is inevitable or else like the earth is gonna get hollowed out by the fucking cluster, and both living situations had their pros and cons. But like. Man the fact that the gems probably Genuinely made greg feel like he wasn’t good enough to be a parent to his own kid makes me want to scream and throw up and punch the walls sometimes

[fanged-fanfics]

☆ One Lone Dolly — Ragatha x GN Reader ☆

Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort || They/them pronouns for reader || Spoilers for the most recent TADC episode

──────.𖥔 ݁ ˖˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ──────

"Ragatha?" You began, knocking on the door before you. The doll hadn't come out of her room since getting upset at the game, and you didn't have a moment to properly talk to her. "Ragatha, are you okay?" You tried again. A few seconds passed, and quiet filled the air. You stepped back, ready to turn and give her more time. Just then, you heard the knob click open

Ragatha peeked her head out slowly, red yarn hair a mess compared to how it usually looked. Her eyes were tired, mouth downturned in a stubborn frown. "I'm okay, really" she said, much too softly to be genuine "You should go back with the others. I'm sure Caine has another adventure ready for you". "I don't want to go if you're not" You said, stepping back up to the door "Honey, I know you're upset, but I wanna help"

Ragatha sighed, stepping out more "It's okay, I promise" she said "I can fix it". "But... do you wanna talk about it?" You asked. She met your eyes, as if searching for any hint of mockery. She could do this, she could fix everything again. But it was eating away at her. Her shoulders slumped as she opened up the door a bit more with a quiet "Sure..."

You strode in, sitting on the side of her bed. You'd been in here plenty of times, whenever either of you needed the company. It was always Ragatha inviting you in after being worried about you or noticing you being stressed. But now, you were hoping to return the favor. Ragatha closed the door to her room, shuffling over before flopping on her back next to you

You reached a hand out, petting her soft red hair "Did Jax say something again?". "Ugh.." Ragatha groaned "No, it was me" she said "At the stargazing... I said something wrong. I said sorry, but I know it wasn't enough" she confessed. "Ohh" You began "Well I'm sure he'll understand. He did throw you into a deep fryer at Spudsy's" you pointed out. "I know, I know, but I really hurt his feelings" Ragatha frowned "And not only that, but Pomni wasn't talking to me as much. She was talking to him"

You gave an acknowledging nod, reaching your hand down to hold hers instead, gently petting the soft felt texture "Maybe she's just being nice? Giving him the benefit of the doubt?". "Maybe..." Ragatha sighed "I don't know. I just- I try so hard to make everyone happy, and the moment I'm not, I feel like I started losing them". "And that's why you snapped?" You asked. Ragatha nodded

"Kinda. I don't want her to think I'm a jerk. I hate all this arguing and fighting" She went on, voice shaking a bit "Maybe it was a mistake. I should've just stayed quiet. Now it all feels messed up, and I don't know if they're gonna forgive me". "Raggy, you've done so much for Pomni" You began, squeezing her hand "I know she appreciates it. And Jax is always a jerk, maybe he'll stop now that he knows how it feels"

"Mhmm.." Ragatha mumbled. She was looking down and away, still frowning deeply. You gave her a worried look, leaning down to lay beside her. You turned, tugging at her sleeve. She took the hint immediately, shifting to where you could hold one another. Her soft felt nose nuzzled into the crook between your head and shoulders, a small shaky breath leaving her. You rubbed her back, putting your chin on her shoulder "It's okay, hun... it was one little mistake, it'll be alright. Just give it some time"

"I hope so" Ragatha mumbled sadly. She curled into you more, seeking your warmth for comfort. You gladly allowed it, hugging her closer in return. You kept rubbing her hair and back, hoping to comfort her nerves. Her mind was a mess of blame and guilt, swirling and churning in a way that didn't leave her any peace. Your touch was grounding, a reminder that she did have support, even when it didn't feel like it

After what felt like quite a while, she finally leaned back. She still sniffled a bit, wiping her eyes. "You feel better?" You asked gently, cupping Ragatha's cheek. She leaned into your touch, melting into the comfort it brought "A little bit... thank you, you didn't have to do this"

"I wanted to" You reassured, petting her cheek a bit more "You're allowed to feel bad, Raggy. You can be honest with me". "I know, I know, I just-" She began, getting choked up. She held you closer "I don't want to make you handle my problems". "But you do that for everyone else" You pointed out "You need someone to turn to. And I'm right here, always". Her frown finally faded away, turning into a gentle smile. She leaned in, giving you a small cheek kiss "I'll try"

"That's all I ask" You said, kissing her cheek in return "For now, how about we do something fun, hm? Without some crazy adventure being the reason". Ragatha chuckled, sitting up. She carried you with her with a gentle tug on your arm, holding your hands in hers "I'd love to"

[bluescreenvirus]

chaos' apology for + addressment of everything.

i am posting this for him as he is not logged in anymore and does not wish to, but this is directly copy and pasted from him. i will be posting other VERY important statements and information to help clear a few things up, especially regarding the misinfo involving sugarydeceit. i've already cleared some of that up privately, but i want it to be public info so ppl can feel secure. it may take longer than others to post due to being busy, but please keep an eye out if you could:

...

"first and foremost: i am sorry. i'm going to get into specifics but i want to preface with a blanket "i'm sorry" first.

to start, i'm sorry to ridley and friends and the ventblogs for not handling things better. i've been doing... bad, to put it lightly, ever since the document dropped. i've been unpacking nearly 8 years of constant abuse every day, and i've started taking it out on others. i have noticeably gotten worse than i used to be. which is an unfortunate part of healing. and i regret forcing the resulting harshness of my pain onto others, especially some minors. it wasn't your guys' fault for the things that happened to me, you shouldn't have been subjected to my ire. it was wrong. so again i am sincerely sorry for that.

and no, forgiveness is not my goal, i don't want anyone to demand i be forgiven or for anyone to feel obligated to forgive me. i don't have any problem getting mad at people who think it's okay to harass other people in my honor- it's not okay. it's never okay. and i'm really sorry that people did that. i'm not sure exactly what was sent to people originally, it's really hard for me to see/find things with how many people have me blocked, so i'm sorry if that apology feels too vague. but i am specifically sorry that people tried to blame ridley for me wanting to kms. it... was because of that situation, yes, but i don't want to put that on a kid, and no one else should either. especially if you're not me. why are you accusing anyone if you're not me. it's not your place. stop it.

i'm also sorry for the situation that sparked all of this. i really did believe that the ventblogs had a major problem with acting impulsively and making situations worse than they needed to be, however, i did not express that opinion in a nice way. and in the process i made people feel like i didn't care about the hate/harassment they had recieved. so i'm sincerely sorry for that, too.

i'm also sorry for bringing up kitty genovese. it was NEVER my intention to trivialize a rape+murder, i had hoped that would be obvious, but i saw that it wasn't and became angrier instead of calmly explaining what i meant. i only referenced kitty genovese in regards to the bystander effect- i know many in this fandom are young, so it's possible people googled her and saw a rape+murder case and took what i said very wrong. which i understand. if you don't know, kitty genovese is the main example used in every study of something called "the bystander effect", that's why i brought up the case. i felt the bystander effect applied to what i was experiencing. but it would've been better to just say the bystander effect, rather than assume everyone knew who kitty genovese was and the studies that stemmed from her case. i'm sorry again for all of that.

now i just. want to try and explain some things, if i may? i know people don't particularly want to listen to me anymore, so if you want to just stop reading at the apology, feel free. that's why i've separated the two. if you do choose to stop reading what i have to say here, i wish you well.

it was never ever my intention to make ridley feel attacked/endangered by me. i was just really, really scared, when i saw that ridley was sharing sugarydeceits/sweetfuls/lopsys lies about me, and people were believing them.

sugarydeceit has been harassing my partner and i for months- over half a year, actually, and has a history of doxxing people and sharing their names publicly. it even took one of the people to court, lio convoy, who i don't like as a person obviously, but sugarydeceit did take him to court. you can even find the recording of it on youtube. sugarydeceit has threatened to do the same thing with me many times. i've been careful to hide my personal information but even then it's not a guarantee of my safety. so i freaked out, and tunnel-visioned, because i need to keep myself and my partner safe from sugarydeceit. and any support it gets emboldens it to send us threats of death, harm, and other horrible things. i already woke up to some anons from it today because of all of this. [pictured below] having support has made it brave again when i had just finally gotten it to back off again a few days ago because it was stupid enough to insult sugar's grief about his dying great grandfather.—

[anon hate as a result of the mention of sugary deceit pictured above, one even targeting chaos abuse from KC by saying "go cuddle your little sis." not blaming anyone of course, this is only the fault of those who sent these anons.]

—that's why i wanted the posts taken down, on top of the fact that the information was untrue/exaggerated, which i'm sure sugar addressed in this post already. the posts put me and sugar in danger, the posts got us harassed- like i knew they would. i felt powerless and miserable and i didn't know what to do anymore. i really was making plans on how to kill myself because i thought it was over for me. i wasn't going to survive if the whole fandom began supporting my stalker, so i was in... survival mode, i guess. in that moment i wished i was back in the zcp. and i still kind of feel like that. it was abuse, but at least i didn't know that it was. it was a comfortable kind of misery. maybe that's just some weird kind of stockholm syndrome, i don't know.

i never want to come back to this fandom. it's absolutely mortifying to have my 'friends' all outcast and hate me for nearly 8 years, only to find a place i thought was safe, and then have the same exact thing happen. i haven't felt safe here ever since i was harassed for saying i didn't have enough information to pick sides in the maxim vs ridley situation, and then maxim himself was horrible to me in a way i can't address publicly right now, and then all of this. just being here scares me. all of anticare scares me. that's why i told people to not interact or use my ocs anymore. i was scared and just wanted to be left alone. it wasn't a personal attack against anyone, or me trying to invalidate previous support, i just had too many bad experiences that traumatized me and triggered me. i'm never even going to be able to release my own statement about my abuse because i'm terrified of the fandom picking it apart to try and invalidate me, or using the personal nature of the content to send me crueler targetted harassment, or just not caring.

i do have some involvement in the doc. i provided them with a fair amount of information considering my past proximity to kc, and i was able to confirm/deny things they were unsure about. i was going to have a section about my abuse, but i pulled out of adding it. so please don't discredit the entire doc just because you hate me. there are real predators, and real extremely damning pieces of evidence, addressed within it. and some other victims still made the choice to include their stories. so if you care about the other victims you'll spread it and support it. please.

the only further 'involvement' i'm probably ever going to have is boosting the doc when it comes out and answering any questions about it though i doubt i'll get any and i don't think i want to put them in the tag if i do answer any. if anything questions should be directed toward the doc blog and if they need an answer from me they'll ask me and parrot what i say.

the support was nice while it lasted and i appreciate it. but i can't be here anymore. and i would appreciate it if people just stopped talking about me so i don't have to be terrified of being put in danger when i can't defend myself. but i can't demand anything. i just hope someone will listen.

and i have changed my mind to agree with aobasgirlfriend, another victim, who iirc felt as though this comic shouldn't have a fandom anymore. i understand that point of view now. i don't think it should have a fandom anymore either. too many people were hurt using it, me included. i think everyone left should move on and let it die. there's nothing good that will come from staying. nothing at all.

if there's anything i've forgotten to address or apologize for, you can send it to bluescreenvirus because i'm logging out for an undetermined amount of time.

goodbye." — chaosblasts

[p3ndeja6]

skz x fem!reader x yearning!

hyung line ver .𖥔 ݁ ˖

(maknae line soon!)

summary: just some scenarios inspired by mexican yearning songs, involves angst, some smut/suggestive themes in certain member(s), possible fluff/happy endings, some are not happy endings or maybe you can interpret how it ends.

word count: 4.5k

(partially proof-read)

a/n: no specifics on who should read it, anyone can read it. just the situations are inspired by such songs. as well as to say sorry for not being active. this is so ass bc i forgot how to write fanfiction. apologies for how ass this is.

Bangchan

"Afuera Esta Lloviendo" by Julion Alvarez (translation: its raining outside)

it was such a heartbreaking decision for Christopher.

it was raining outside his studio apartment, the lighting striking down on the plain fields, thunder rumbling hard enough it shakes the windows of the apartment. his place was dimly lit by the candle you gifted him as a gag gift. he didn't want to risk losing power so he has all the lights off and just have this singular candle lighting up the apartment.

kind of how you did whenever you were with him...

he sighed as he wrote down lyrics on his notebook, the one you also gifted him. he doodled on the margins of the sheet thinking how to express his heartache in a song. he didn't realize he was crying until a tear drop, fell onto the page. directly fell onto your name he wrote when writing down his lyrics.

he thought he was making the right choice, he thought this was what was best for you. because he loved you enough to let you know...

all he can do is replay everything that went down two weeks ago...

both of you were sitting on your couch watching a show on tv, a show both of you bonded over with. how neither of you can watch ahead until the next sleepover. his heart was pounding when the minutes for what he was about to do were closing up.

"hey.. baby.. can i talk to you..?" he said quietly. you sat up and looked at him with a small confused smile, wondering what he could want to talk about.

"of course sweetheart, whats on that handsome mind of yours?" you lightly teased.

he let out a small faint chuckle, it was already breaking his heart that he was about to give up on all this, but he knows he has to do it. for you..

"there's no easy way for me to say this but, i just feel that.. im- i just- i fell as that i cant be the-" he's choking on his own words because he has no logical reason for this but he has to.

"whats wrong?"

"i cant do this anymore..." he blurted out. your heart dropped, your palms started to sweat and you felt as if you were about to throw up.

"w..what?"

"i cant do this- i know we-" you cut him off there. "you cant do what? us? where is this coming from chris?" you tried to get an explanation. why was he doing this?

"i dont feel that i am good enough for you, and i feel as if im going to be holding you back on many things in your life- you literally gave up a job promotion that paid you double your salary because what? you wanted to be with me??" he now said with a hint of annoyance by thinking of the decision you made a few months ago. "im just not the right man for you" he looked at you, his beautiful brown eyes digging into your eyes, you still are trying to wrap you head over why the fuck he was doing this.

"i did that because i love you! and i want to be with you and only you. why is that so hard to understand?" you said now agitated by this outburst of his, him deciding to end the relationship.

"im sorry.. i just feel this way" "but dont-" he cut you off. "i just do y/n.."

"im sorry but if i dont love myself enough and to fully grasp the fact you love me. i just know i cant be that man you deserve. it hurts me that i have to do this but its for your own good. i cant be the sole reason you ruin or waste opportunities in your life, and i know if other things came along; you'd pick me over it all and i cant let you do that." a moment of silence filled the air. "please y/n... you have to understand"

no .. no you dont understand.. but you couldn't say anything, all you wanted to do was cry, punch him in the face, scream, all of the above.

you couldnt help but let out a small sniffle, you felt hot tears stream down your face. you looked at him, his face became blurry.

he couldnt stand making you cry, he hated seeing you cry, and more so if it was because of him.

he left your apartment an hour or two after, knowing that was the last time he'd be on that place he loved.

after he finally got back home, he started to cry, weep even. it hurt him so much it physically pained him. he felt as if the world ended and there was no way to fix this. no way his life would be better after this. Christopher felt guilty wasting your time loving him, kissing him.. all of it. he made you waste almost a year of affection and gifts and personal secrets and insecurities he only knew about.

he hated himself for letting you go, the women he loved, the person he knew inside and out. nothing in this world can undo the damage he caused for the both of you.

he looks back outside on his window, still raining..

its been raining almost everyday since the break up, he taps the pen against the notebook, writing down lyrics about his pain and love for you. no one compares to you.

he wonders if he made the right choice on breaking things off with you. if it was the right choice to let go of his one true love.

but he knew he couldnt give you everything you needed. he knows you're still hurting, and he wishes he can just get rid of that pain but he cant.. when he's the one that caused it.

he began to write and write and write down all his pain into a song, a song for you. not to make millions off of but to let you know how much this pain truly hurts him. he wrote this song to let his emotions and pain out into something he loved second after you. music...

its been hour since it started raining. it started raining again after he began to sing a melody for the song and hasn't stopped since.

christopher is starting to think the rain and breaking up with you was a sign that he made the wrong decision. a decision that cost him a lifetime of happiness with you.

"why are you so fucking stupid..." he hit his head with his notebook, regretting everything he did to this point. he knew he couldnt live without you so why did he do it?

he missed you.. and he was starting to regret letting you go. he'd do anything to change time and fix everything he broke. he wish he could fix himself, to stop the self-loathing he felt, the reason why he ended it.

he finished the song, now waiting to be sent off into an email. To your email, he was debating on whether to send it or not. maybe this could fix everything he broke, or maybe it wouldnt change a thing.

god... its still raining..

Lee know

"Estos Celos" by Vicente Fernandez (translation: this jealousy)

minho wasnt the type to do relationships, he hated committing. especially to one girl. no girl was special enough to make him want to settle down. though never lets them know he is non-committal. probably because there a tiny thought in the back of his head saying 'maybe she's the one'

though that never happens, like at all. all the girls are the same to him. nothing more then a late night call when he doesnt feel like using his right hand. he also knew the girls would come running to him, all it takes is one phone ring.

he didnt think much of you, thought you were nothing special. you guys were talking and taking 'things slow' as you thought it was. though for minho it was just a situationship. he wasnt very good at communicating certain and vital information for relationships.

you thought everything was perfect, you both had good times hanging out, going on dates, and having sex. genuienly what was wrong?

as the days strectehd out, minho started to feel.. things when with you and when he is away from you. like.. he couldnt wait til the next time he was going to see you. his friends noticed a new glow on him, a different aura only you gave him. he didnt want to admit any of this. he actually hated this new feeling. this new feeling of longing for you. he has never felt this way about a girl before, much less, a girl like you. you really were different from the other girls. he couldnt do this. he hated how strong his feelings for you were growing.

he panted as he dropped on his back, trying to catch his breath after having sex with you. god it was so perfect. he couldnt fall deeper then he already was.

you cuddled into him as you started to doze off. he stiffened his body as he felt your warm and sweaty embrace. he cant.. he cant keep doing this.

the morning after he had to put on his most cold and heartless expression. he got up from your bed and began to get dress. you couldnt help but groan softly as you sat up sleepliy, wondering what the noise was.

"where are you going? cmon... get back into bed, we still have a few hours before our 9:25 class start" you said softly. god this was so much harder then he thought it would be.

"cant. have to go." he said coldy.

you quirked an eyebrow, wondering where the attitude came from.

"um.. okay? whats wrong that you have to go so early?" you teased, maybe trying to lighten the mood. "cmon i'll make us breakfast and coffee before-" he cut you off abrubtly.

"jesus y/n! stop acting as if we are dating, we're not! so stop acting as if im your boyfriend" he picked up his jacket harshly. it hurt him to even talk to you like that.

"what..?" you said with a small hint of hurt in your voice. "yeah you heard me y/n, we are nothing! we never were. i thought you'd figure out that we were nothing more then a fling, get that around your thick skull!" as he harshly pointed to his head to enhance the significance of his fake annoyance. that was so mean of him...

its been weeks since he last saw you. he missed you like crazy, like he was genuienly crashing out by the lack of you he was having. he couldnt admit to himself this growing love he has for you.

one day around campus, he was minding his own business in the library, in the social area of the library where people can talk and work on things in groups. as he was working on assignments he's missed, he hears your laugh. that beautiful laugh he once grew to love. he looked over to see you, gorgeous and radiant as always. but next to you was a rather handsome guy next to you, really close.

he was trying to figure out if he was just a friend, or something else. he knew his answer when he saw the guy kiss and caress your cheek.

he could not explain the strong sense of jealousy growing in the pit of his stomach. it ached... really bad.

he felt as if his whole world fell apart. all the memories if you and him together came flooding back into his mind. how being with you was like walking on clouds. not only did the jealousy grow, but the pain it came along with it.

he cant get this image out his head, its like looking at a tragic car crash, he cant seem to loook away, no matter how much it hurts.

he spent the night tossing and turning. he didnt want to admit but the jealousy just kept growing and growing into an intense feeling. he cant believe he let you go. why did he say you were nothing more? you were quite the opposite of 'nothing'

you were everything..

minho kept seeing you all over campus with your new boyfriend and that jealousy kept growing.

"i feel so sick..." he said after watching more of you and your boyfriend.

minho had it all with you, so why did he lose it?

he missed you, he missed all of you. the way fidget with your necklaces when you were nervous, or the way you always styled your hair. he missed the little details of your face he grew to memorize. the little mole you had on your cheekbone, or how your lips got pouty when a small inconvenience happened. he missed it all!

he soon realized that he grew sick, that the jealousy he was feeling was making him sick. he couldnt eat, he couldnt sleep, he was going crazy.

he couldnt accept the fact he lost the privliage of being with you, to even be considered anything in your eyes. minho doesnt think he can learn to live without you, he need you, he cant survive without you. the one girl he learned to love with, the one that made he realize love is real... is gone and he regrets ever losing you.

Changbin

"Mi Enemigo el Amor" by Pancho Barraza (translation: my enemy is love)

you were the best thing that were to happen to changbin. he was utterly in love with you. no one else compared to you.

though you were the most attractive, gorgeous, funny, and amazing girl, he knew other people would be looking at you as well. he knew other guys oogled you and wish they had you. rationally he knew that wasnt possible for them. but he couldnt deny the underlying strong sense of insecurity he was feeling whenever you interacted with anyone slightly good looking.

he knew you worked with attractive guys and that you were friends with them, but that feeling grew.

you'd reassure changbin that he was the only guy you had your eyes on.

"aw binnie, dont have to feel that way. i only have eyes for you, my love only revolves around you, why would i want anyone else when i have my perfect man here" you smiled at him as you straddled his lap, pecking his face with small kisses on his plump lips.

he shamefully looked away, "i dont know .. its just.. youre so beautiful and perfect.. i cant help but get scared any guy can take you away from me."

you grabbed his chin and made him look at you, nuzzling into his nose and smiling at him. reassuring him there was no one and nothing to worry about.

you kissed him sweetly, but he took the opportunity to go further with it.

after that talk, things seemed to go back to normal with your relationship. he didnt feel as insecure as he once did.

after one day, he planned to surprise you at your work. he knew you were having a really rough time at work and every workload that was being piled on you. he bought you flowers and your favorite meal alongside your favorite drink. it was a small gesuture but he meant well and a way to express his love for you.

he walked in looking for you, until he saw you hugging a coworker of yours. he didnt know it was because you were on the verge of a burnout and needed a second of comfort, but to him it was cheating and he honestly didnt want to lash out on you in your workplace. so he left.

he took everything he got you and left. he couldnt believe it, he went into jumping conclusions and thought the worst.

later that evening you came home, tired, hungry and dehydrated. just wanting a second of tranquility. not a second later he came in, with his big buff arms crossed. looking at you with a cold and stern expression. if looks could kill..

"hey baby.." you softly said, walking into the kitchen to try to grab a glass of ice water from the water dispensary that was attached to the fridge. you took a sip and looked at him, finally noticing his face.

"whats wrong?" you asked concerned, he dropped his hands and looked at you.

"you told me not to worry about other guys..."

"what are you talking about? of course you shouldnt-"

"i came to your workplace to surprise you, and i saw you with a guy... hugging!" he exclaimed.

you were too tired for this, and placed the cup down on the counter. "look bin i can explai-" "explain how you lied and told me to not worry about the one guy i am worried about? you know that looks wrong, you look-"

you cut him off

"what are you insinuating" you said with a slight raise of tone. you had a feeling what he was on about but you just needed to hear him say it. "are you calling me something you KNOW is not true"

he felt guilty for the way his words came out but they just did.

“you know what.. I don’t have time for your tantrums of nonsense. I will be sleeping with my parents until further notice. Until you fix yourself,don’t bother calling me” you said as you grabbed your bag and headed towards the door. he felt his heart drop seeing you head towards the door.

“wait baby.. please-” he pleaded softly

“no! you’re distrusting me! you can’t see how much I love you and how much I care for you. When I say I love you .. i mean it! why would you ever think otherwise??” You had enough of his accusatory remarks. It hurt for the love of your life to think so little of you in a situation like this.

“I can’t do this right now.. please bin” tears began to flood your pretty eyes he loves so much. He couldn’t say much. Changbin was froze in fear that if he spoke another peep. This will be a finalization of the beautiful relationship he has with you.

He watches you leave, his world crumbling down, the air getting kicked out of his lungs. no.. no this can’t be..

a week has gone by and he has heard nothing from you. so many thoughts are going through his head. Did he lose you completely? is this a break or a break up? did he screw everything up for being an unreasonable insecure idiot?

he couldn’t lose you, he can’t lose the most important thing in his life.

he laid in bed, hugging your pillow. The same pillow that still had your lovely scent. A few minutes of hugging your pillow and smelling the perfume on the pillow, he began to weep. He cried like a baby, wanting his precious to come back.

You’ve never seen a grown, muscular man like him cry before. He felt weak, crushed, no purpose in life without you by his side.

a week without you felt like a century without you. He had to get you back. It didn’t matter what he did but he had to get you back.

he went to go find you at your parent’s house, to be able to fix his wrongful accusations. He prepared a whole speech on how he was wrong and how he loves you and should’ve trusted you since the beginning.

He walked up your front door, feeling his heart beat out of his chest, his palms start to sweat and exhaled shakily. Once changbin made it to the front door, he mentally prepared himself to meet whoever was behind the door. if it was your mom.. he’d be calm because your mom loves Changbin. If it was your dad, he probably be scared since your dad was clear on certain threats when he first met your parents. Finally the door opened and it was you. Out of all possibilities, seeing you open the door was his last thought.

He immediately dropped to his knees and cried.

“please.. y/n please I’m sorry I need you. I can’t live my life without you. You’re everything to me and I was so stupid to even consider the fact you’d want anyone else but me. You’re the best thing that has happened to me and I’d die if I didn’t have you in my life. My life has no meaning if you’re not in it. I love you baby.. my girl.. please take me back…”

You looked at him slightly surprised but you couldn’t help but tear up as well. You didn’t expect to see him here, let alone see him fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness. Though it was a beautiful sight.

“Changbin…” you said hoarsely

he kept rambling on about how he needs you in his life and how he loves you. you believed him.

“binnie..” you helped him up to his feet. “I love you and you doubting hurt me. I’d never be unfaithful towards you.”

Changbin felt as if the cloud skies vanished away and the sun and rainbow came out. He felt a huge relief at your words and pulled you in hug.

He never wanted to lose you again, no matter how bad love treats him.

Hyunjin

“Te Hubieras ido antes” by Julion Alvarez (translation: you should’ve left before)

Hyunjin was a hopeless romantic, he loved giving love and loved receiving.

you on the other hand, you’re not big on commitment, you have a bad habit of expressing love to others though the thought of actually settling down is something you always avoid.

hyunjin didn’t know you had commitment issues, so he thought you and him were dating, you didn’t mind letting him think you guys were dating but it shifted after one night.

Hyunjin was deep inside you, gripping your thighs open for him to burry his face into your neck. So lost in the bliss of your cunt and how wet and tight it was for him, only him. You didn’t deny it either that you felt good, and he made you feel good.

you moaned out loud as he hit a different angle, pushing your leg into your stomach, stretching you out, showing your flexibility.

“fuck… I can die in this pussy” he mumbled into your neck

Hyunjin was so in love with you and you being his perfect fit made it ten times better.

“I fucking love you y/n” he muttered out as soon as he came inside you.

you couldn’t deny you came the same time but hearing him say those words triggered your flight or fight. you really didn’t want him to catch feelings but you never stopped the situationship with him, lead him on to the point where he thought you guys were exclusive.

he gently pulled out of you and fell onto the bed. catching his breath as he looked over at you, seeing how beautiful you looked in sweat, with your baby hairs sticking to your face and how your face got a bit flushed.

few days after that night, you started to ignore his calls, texts, and avoiding him in public. Hyunjin couldn’t understand why you ignoring him and why you stopped talking to him. He tried to think what he could’ve done for you to treat him this way but nothing came up. Hyunjin couldn’t bare the pain of you ignoring caused him.

He confessed his love in the most intimate way and you ignored him?!

he couldn’t take it anymore and went to your apartment to get answers. He knocked on your door slightly hard, expecting you to open the door.

you opened the door, in your “I don’t care” outfit. Old t-shirt from high school pep club, soft biker shorts. Your eyes widen at the realization at who was at the door, you didnt know what to say nor what to do.

“Why are you ignoring me?” He said with a hint of sternness.

“um.. what?” You tried to play dumb.

He groaned and rolled his eyes at your stupid dumb act. “Don’t play dumb with me y/n, why are you ignoring me? my calls, my texts? you even blocked me on your finsta?? What’s going on?” He demanded answers

“I love you y/n, why are you-" you cut him off.

“that’s the problem!”

he was stunned at your outburst. what was so wrong with loving you? he loved to love you, you were his perfect girl, why was that a problem?

“that’s the problem hyunjin.. you love me, and I can’t be the one you love” he was confused.

“I don’t understand, my heart can’t stop… just loving you? What’s the real reason?” He continued, still with his stern voice. Trying not to let tears threaten his eyes.

“I can’t be the one for you because i can’t give you what you want from me and that’s loyalty and commitment. I don’t commit.”

hyunjin felt as if his whole world shattered, all he wanted was you and you couldn’t even give him that. he couldn’t believe what was hearing you say.

“but y/n… being with you is one of the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced… why .. why are you doing this to me..?”

you tried to explain to him you can’t settle, not even for him. You love him.. just not in the way he wants you to.

he couldn’t help but his tears were already threading to spill out, his throat felt tight as he tried to talk but his frustration made things harder and more emotional to handle.

“Why?! why did you make me fall in love with you??”

“you need to forget about me”

“how do you expect me to forget you?? Y/n! nothing about you is forgettable, you made me fall in love with you and make me feel things I’ve never felt for anyone before!” He was full on crying and hurt, why would you hurt him this way?

“how am i supposed to forget your kisses? your lips, your eyes, the way we fit perfectly with each other, how whenever we’re together it always feels Iike the first time!…. don’t you feel it too?”

“no… not in the way you want me to.”

he was stunned, he couldn’t speak.

“so.. the way you kissed me, the way you made love to me…it was nothing to you?” He raised his voice, in a defeated,hurt tone.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen, I did enjoy being with you but.. nothing more then .. passing time”

there was a moment of silence between you and hyunjin. so many unspoken words and feelings being in the air. he felt like pulling his hair out. he couldn’t bare this heartbreak, and he hated that even after all you are saying to him. He can’t seem to stop loving you.

“you should’ve left before making me fall for you…so I wouldn’t have to feel the need to beg for you to stay with me…”

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Slight mature theme (mention of sex) so I'm putting 18+ just to be safe ❤️

❤️

Part one Winter + Spring ❄️🌼

Summer ✨☀️

Summer arrives and with it comes the guilt and missing Eddie. Thoughts niggle at you when you're trying to relax or keep busy, you miss your friendship with Eddie and don't understand where everything went wrong.

Why was Eddie so against Matt?

Speaking of Matt, the two of you had gone on a few dates, but all you can think about is Eddie. It's not fair to Matt; he seems like a nice guy, and you push yourself to try with him.

On one of your dates to Family Video to pick up some movies Eddie is there with Dustin and Nancy for the usual Friday movie night. Of course, Eddie is stubborn and you're stubborn, so neither of you makes a move to say anything. All Eddie does is glare at Matt like he's some sort of upside-down hell creature.

Robin rolls her eyes at him and sings songs under her breath. It sounds a lot like she's saying Eddie is jealous, but that's completely ridiculous because he's with Chrissy, and why can he have a girlfriend but you can't date anyone? He was infuriating.

It doesn't stop the hollow feeling in your chest when you leave, you miss him, and if you just turned back for one second, then you'd see his sad face watching you go.

Not long after that you find out that Eddie was right from the start that Matt was a player. You see him on a date while you're out with Robin and Nancy for the day, and you can't believe you were so stupid.

You get out of the relationship super quickly and don't even look back when you walk away from Matt.

You so don't have time for shit like this.

Soon after you find out from Dustin that Chrissy and Eddie have broken up. Despite being mad at him you'd never have him face heartache alone.

So you arm yourself with Eddie's favourite candy and head to his new place. When you knock on the door he tells "Dustin, dude. I'm okay. Will you stop bugging me every minute kid. I'm fine"

"It's me, Ed," you answer back, and suddenly the door is wrenched open, and you're lifted off your feet into a bear hug.

"I missed you, so much princess" he mumbles into your hair and you melt into him, tears roll down your cheeks and you peer at him sadly.

"I'm so sorry Eddie, I heard about you and Chrissy too, I came straight here when I heard" he shakes his head and holds you close.

"Don't. Don't apologise, I was a dickhead, this was on me, I've been trying to find the right way to apologise for ages and honestly Chrissy and I broke up like two months ago. I just didn't want to say anything to Dustin or the gang straight away, that little shit hasn't left me alone since" he says this with a fond smile and your heart does a little flip, fuck. He was so sweet with Dustin and the kids.

"So is that why you were so grumpy about Matt?" you ask, curious, but don't understand why Eddie's cheeks go pink.

"Uh no. The break-up with Chrissy was pretty mutual, she kinda helped me realise something big..." He trails off but he's still blushing a little bit which is cute but you don't have a clue what he's talking about.

What did Chrissy help him realise? You mull over it but decide to figure it out another day.

"How is Matt?" It seems like he forces the words out and you sigh and cuddle close to him.

"Oh he's an asshole, you were right Eddie. He was a player, I'm sorry I didn't realise that when you said"

Eddie's scowling but you know he's not mad at you and he makes his feelings loud and clear.

"You're too good for him. He's a douchebag to two time you, doesn't know what an amazing lady he has princess" flushed at his praise you kiss his cheek.

You were here now with Eddie and you weren't letting anything come between your friendship again.

Autumn. 🍁🍂

Turns out you figure it out fairly quickly, even if it seems unbelievable to you. At first, you deny it because there's no way Eddie was falling for you. Absolutely no way.

But the signs are hard to ignore. He blushes when you're near, you've made him speechless twice, and Eddie has never been speechless or one to blush in his life. He's nervous, and while he's always a gentleman, you notice it a lot more in the little things he does for you.

When you're together, he wears aftershave, and one time he brings flowers he picked for you, he looked so sweet and bashful handing them over. It was so cute.

It gets to the point where the tension between you two is at breaking point and you can't deny it any longer. It's just who will make the first move.

Eddie is the one who steps up It's late and raining when he drives you to his after Hellfire to watch a movie. He's more fidgety than usual and you can tell something is bothering him.

"Hey princess?" You turn back to him, and he strides up to you, takes your face between his hands and cradles it so gently. Then he kisses you, and it's cliche, but it feels like fireworks and fate. Both of you are dazed and smiling at each other like goofballs when you part.

The two of you only part from your giddy bubble when the door opens and Wayne comes out, he smirks and nods to Eddie.

"Well about damn time boy, thought you were never gonna work up the courage, lovesick fool" Eddie hides his face in your hair and you fight the giggles at his pouty face.

"So that's what Chrissy helped you realise?" You know it's true but it's nice to hear it all the same.

"Kinda hard to be with someone when you're in love with your best friend and she was still in love with Jason" oh shit. Well there it was.

The two of you make love on a cold autumn night after binge watching your favourite Halloween movies, It's full of giddiness and joy and just...

"You know I love you, too, right? I always have" his answering smile is beautiful and he kisses you again, says I love you repeatedly.

After that, the two of you enjoy pumpkin picking dates, trying to make your own cookies which Eddie burns on the first try but perfects them the second time, movie nights, nights stargazing in his van.

finally.

In fact, that's the first thing Dustin says when he walks in on you and Eddie cuddling on the sofa just before a Hellfire session.

"We weren't that obvious were we?" Eddie asks you but before you can answer Dustin butts into the conversation.

"Dude, even Mike noticed and he's the most oblivious guy I know" You stifle a smile and hide your face in Eddie's chest, just listening to Mike and Dustin argue and Eddie and Lucas trying to calm them down enough to start the new Hellfire session.

Life was good.

❤️

"But I think I love fall most of all" 🍂🍁

[mooshlovely]

Nein Again Episode 19

Weirdly fitting that a Nott backstory dump directly follows the Caleb lore drop

I am curious how far in advance Matt planned out the war between the empire and the dynasty. Like I assume he intended it to begin as soon as they made it to Zadash, but how would it have progressed if they chose to stay out of it?

(12) lol I love the Nott voice, but yeah it is very variable. At least Sam's dropped the weirdly Australian vibes

(12) Why is Molly so worried about staying in Zadash? In some ways he has the least reason out of the group to want to leave. Unless he's still worried about his past coming back to bite him cause of the Gentlemen and his tabaxi friend? Idk I can never get a clear read on his motivations

(26) I wonder if Caleb thinks hasting Beau is a thank you or reward for not hating him. We know he likes Jester, so its just interesting that he chooses to back Beau in this fight. Love me empire siblings though

They really do leap into becoming criminals. They hemmed and hawed about the crownsguard offer and then accept this job with less than 5 minutes of conversation. I can't believe Matt didn't predict this lol

(1:08) "You scratch my back I will scratch yours" ah yeah the haste was definitely Caleb's manipulative side. remarkable how his manipulation attempts lead to his closest friendships (i guess barring Nott)

(1:11) whelp of course the traveler would have stories about the feywild

(1:23) Beau is so insistent and so bad at flirting. And also yasha is oblivious

(1:28) Did Caleb sleep well because he feels safer outside of the city? Or because he finally told Nott and Beau his secret

(1:30) Nott slips up a little bit in this conversation, there's a couple moments where she says "goblins" but doesn't seem to be including herself. All the clues were there if you knew how to interpret them

(1:34) Nott: "I like children a great deal"

It's interesting. Fjord does try to pry during the conversation with Nott, asking about siblings or parents or friends and Nott threads the needle with the truth, even flat out lying a little bit. She didn't have any goblin friends but she definitely had family.

(1:42) They're so fucking nosey. This is literally just someone's house and they are incapable of not investigating.

(2:37) Modern Literature! Love this one. Such a clever way to keep Caleb safe

(3:20) Beau: "Such FOMO" Of course she would hate people talking in a language she cannot understand. Once again, Beau is absolutely incapable of not sticking her nose into everything.

(3:27) Nott: "I haven't felt comfortable in my skin for as long as I can remember" This speech sounds so different when you understand Nott's backstory. Like without the knowledge that Nott is a halfling, she just sounds like someone with very low self-esteem and lots of problems - instead of just like, a normal person under a curse. In some ways the truth is less weird

(3:30) Nott: "Well I hope he got away." :( Neatly sidestepping the questions about Yeza and how much he means to herand also lying out her ass about what actually happened

(3:36) Nott's insistence that there are no other nice goblins makes a ton of sense given that she isn't even technically a nice goblin, but also Xhorhas will def prove her wrong