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athenasdaydreams · 6 months ago

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pairing: remus lupin x reader

summary: Remus loves christmas for many reasons, but his favourite reason might be you.

chapter warnings: mention of food, other than that not any to my knowledge!!

A/N: merry christmas!! i guess i have to listen to the people of tumblr and write another one... yay

At the young age of 6 years old, Remus John Lupin knew one thing; he loved Christmas. While every day was a constant reminder of his... condition, Christmas was his chance to be normal. His mother would bake sugar cookies and brownies with him, while his father would use magic to string old christmas lights across their small house. His favourite part, however, was not the gifts, or the decorations. It was chocolate. Remus loved chocolate in any form it came in, and in winter, there was no shortage of it. Hot chocolate, peppermint bark, festive chocolate frogs his father would buy for him, Remus adored christmas for this reason.

When Remus went to Hogwarts, his love for christmas only increased. Surrounded by friends who entertained him with games of wizard's chess and card games, he had more to look forward to when the first snowfall of the year happened. Remus loved the way you loved christmas as well. Your sweet disposition only shone brighter during the holiday season. Whether you helped a first year put his ornament higher on the gryffindor common room's christmas tree, or shared your homemade treats with kids whose parents were far to busy to make any, you were just the most perfect person on earth, like an angel that descended from heaven.

On his fourth Christmas holiday spent at Hogwarts, Remus couldn’t help but watch you from the corner of the common room, pretending to be engrossed in the book resting on his lap. You were laughing as you helped a third-year untangle a string of enchanted fairy lights that kept trying to loop themselves into knots. The sound of your laugh—light and genuine—made his chest tighten in a way he couldn’t quite explain.

“Oi, Moony!” Sirius’s voice jolted him out of his reverie. “Are you going to make that move, or are you just planning to stare at her until next Christmas?” Sirius smirked, leaning back in his chair, a knowing look plastered on his face.

James snickered beside him, flicking a wizard’s chess piece that had been knocked over in the chaos of their ongoing game. “Don’t be too hard on him, Padfoot. Christmas is the time for love and all that nonsense, isn’t it?”

Remus flushed, ducking his head to hide the redness creeping up his cheeks. “I wasn’t staring,” he muttered, though the heat in his face betrayed him.

“Oh, sure,” Peter chimed in, grinning as he picked up one of the chocolate frogs from a plate nearby. “Because it’s totally normal to sit with a chessboard in front of you for twenty minutes without moving a single piece.”

Before Remus could come up with a defense, you approached the group, holding a tray of what looked like freshly baked gingerbread cookies. “Anyone want some? I tried a new recipe, and I think they turned out pretty well,” you said, smiling as you offered the plate.

Remus’s heart skipped a beat as you leaned closer to him, holding out the tray. “Here, Remus. I know you like chocolate, so I added a little drizzle on these ones.”

He stared at the cookies for a moment, then at you, his brain struggling to form coherent words. “Thank you,” he managed, his voice quieter than he intended. He took one, the warmth of your smile making his insides feel like melted chocolate.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, smirking. “Smooth, Moony. Really smooth.”

You laughed softly at their antics, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Well, enjoy, everyone. Let me know what you think.” And with that, you turned to help another group of students decorating by the fireplace.

Remus watched you walk away, the cookie forgotten in his hand. James leaned over and whispered, “Mate, you’re going to have to say something eventually. Preferably before we graduate.”

But Remus didn’t need their teasing to know what was on his mind. You had a way of making every part of Christmas brighter, and he couldn’t help but think that you were the best gift he’d ever have the privilege of knowing.

By the next Christmas, the common room was alive with festive cheer once more, and this time, you and Remus sat together by the fire like old friends—though to Remus, you were so much more than that.

It had been a year since that quiet, awkward conversation, and in that time, you and Remus had grown closer in a way that felt effortless. He no longer hesitated to sit beside you in the common room or join you for study sessions in the library. You’d developed a quiet, easy camaraderie that made him feel like he belonged in a way he hadn’t since arriving at Hogwarts.

This Christmas, though, felt different.

“Are you winning, Moony?” you teased, leaning over to glance at his game of wizard’s chess with Sirius.

“Not even close,” he admitted with a wry smile. His knight was just smashed to bits by Sirius’s queen, and his remaining pieces seemed to be shaking with dread.

“Poor knight,” you said with mock sympathy. “He never stood a chance.”

Sirius grinned. “I’m ruthless. Everyone knows that.”

Remus rolled his eyes but chuckled, turning to you. “I think my pieces have officially given up. Care to save me by distracting Sirius?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Oh no, I’m terrible at chess. But I can offer you some chocolate for moral support.”

Reaching into the small tin you’d brought with you, you held out a neatly wrapped piece. Remus accepted it with a quiet “thanks,” and as he unwrapped it, he couldn’t help but marvel at how thoughtful you always were.

“Do you ever stop being nice?” he asked softly, almost to himself.

You tilted your head, smiling. “Why would I stop? It’s Christmas.”

“Still,” he muttered, looking down at the chocolate in his hand. “You make everything... better. Not just Christmas. Just—everything.”

Your cheeks warmed, and you reached for a piece of chocolate yourself to hide your flustered smile. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

The word friends made his heart ache in the best and worst way. He wanted to be more than that, but the thought of ruining what you already had was enough to keep him silent.

“You’ve been so good to me this year, Remus,” you said after a moment, surprising him. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

His head snapped up, his eyes wide. “Me? You’re the one who’s—” He stopped himself, shaking his head. “Never mind.”

You leaned closer, curiosity sparkling in your eyes. “No, go on. What were you going to say?”

He hesitated, then sighed, giving you a small smile. “You’re the one who’s made this year so great. I mean, you’re... you’re incredible, really. You make everyone feel special. It’s hard not to feel lucky just being around you.”

Your heart fluttered, and you looked down at your lap, feeling suddenly shy. “Well, if I make everyone feel special, it’s only because I learned from you.”

Remus blinked, caught completely off guard. “From me?”

You nodded, meeting his gaze with a soft smile. “Of course. You’re one of the kindest people I know, Remus. And you always know how to make people feel cared for, even when you don’t realize it.”

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The room seemed to grow quieter, the glow of the fire casting a soft light over your faces.

“Thank you,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Merry Christmas, Remus,” you said, your smile brighter than any decoration in the room.

“Merry Christmas,” he replied, his heart so full it felt like it might burst.

He still didn’t know if he’d ever work up the courage to tell you how he really felt, but for now, being your friend—your favourite friend, he hoped—was more than enough.

#remus lupin x reader #remus lupin #remus x reader #christmas #merry christmas #marauders #remus

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sanders1665 · 17 days ago

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It’s the goddamn wee small hours, that sacred stretch of night when time melts into introspection and shadows become philosophers. The air is thick with silence, save for the occasional squelch of my gut, protesting the late-night slice of existential pizza I shouldn’t have eaten. No breeze, no barking dogs, no traffic. Just me, a mind wired on questions, and the ghost of a million ancestors staring back through my DNA like some cosmic jury.

I was thinking—no, spiraling—into the meat grinder of human origin. Twenty different species of humans? More or less. That’s not science fiction, that’s real. The Earth, this wild, bipolar rock hurtling through space, was busy being a chaotic chef: stirring up ice ages, flipping tectonic pancakes, belching fire from volcanoes like it had IBS. And in the middle of all that, it birthed and buried species after species of humans. Not chimps, not dolphins with dreams—humans.

And yet, we are the ones left. Alone. The sole survivors.

We who are hairless and helpless at birth, who need ten years to become barely functional, who sunburn and break bones and cry at reality shows. We who are, by all metrics, the weakest model on the showroom floor of evolution. Yet here we are. Shopping on Amazon. Building particle colliders. Taking selfies next to pyramids built by hands we don’t understand.

I don’t buy the official bedtime story they hand out in schools. You know the one—upright apes + time + bananas = smartphones. Something smells fishy, and it ain’t just the tuna sandwich from last week’s lunchbox. We didn’t just evolve like the rest. We appeared. With language, fire, and a suspicious amount of self-awareness. Right out of the blue. Like a magician’s trick—ta-da!—Homo sapiens, baby.

Were we an accident? A cosmic prank? Or a goddamn upgrade?

Or were we realigned and designed this way by “gods” from another neighborhood?

Not divine, not omnipotent, but advanced. Outsiders. Visitors. Tinkerers with an eye for biogenetics and a flair for myth-making. Creators not of galaxies, but of species. Maybe they didn’t paint the sky, but they sure as hell messed with the clay.

Sometimes I think we’re nature’s rebellious child, and sometimes... I think we’re adopted.

Maybe the old stories are half-true, twisted into myth because our ancestors didn’t have Wi-Fi or a printing press. Maybe the Watchers, the gods, the sky people—whatever name floats your boat—left fingerprints on our soul. Maybe we’re version 2.0 of something much older. Something that didn't survive. Something we erased, like jealous children.

And deep down—real deep, below the cholesterol and the hang-ups and the Amazon Prime history—I think we know. We feel it. That something’s off. That this isn’t quite home. That we were made for something else. Not this rat race. Not this tedium. Not this constant nagging anxiety about the future and the past like we’re stuck in a loop we didn’t write.

Maybe that’s why we build religions, and sci-fi stories, and monuments that stare at the stars.

We're trying to remember who we were... before we forgot what we are.

And so here I sit, in the dark belly of the night, brain buzzing, belly gurgling, wondering:

Were we born of Earth…

engineered on Earth…

or just parked here for a while, until someone comes back for the keys?

Either way, I’ll probably still wake up groggy tomorrow and forget the whole damn thing.

But for now, I’m wide awake. Watching. Listening.

Waiting for the stars to whisper back.

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ernmark · 6 months ago

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When I was in college, a friend of mine got a job at one of the campus help centers where they're supposed to help students who are struggling get their feet under them.

Based on his training there, he insisted that he wanted to have a similar session with me in order to Fix me.

(This speaks volumes about the help the other students were getting, I think.)

See, the entirety of his assistance was sitting with me and creating a nice, tidy little schedule for my life in fifteen-minute increments, with tidy little spots for daily workouts and weekly meal prep. And he kept getting frustrated with me for not being able to put my activities for the day in any order, or assign them specific periods of time, or being willing to commit to following this militant schedule to the letter.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I'm a writer-- I have no control over when the words come. Sometimes I'll be doing something Very Important and I'll have to put it on hold because if I don't write this line of dialogue down Right This Second it's going to make it impossible for me to focus at all. Sometimes I'll be staring at a blank word document for two hours and get a sentence and a half done. Sometimes it'll be three in the morning and I'll have been writing for five hours straight but I won't be able to sleep until I get it written.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I have debilitating depression, and sometimes it takes hours to gather enough energy just to get dressed.

He wouldn't hear the fact that I don't actually know how long something like cooking is going to take, because every recipe calls for completely different cook and prep time, and I can't predict what's going to be utterly unappetizing until I look in the fridge for that meal.

There was no accommodation for the fact that I have a sleep disorder, which between the depression and the rest, makes it damn well impossible to predict when I'll be able to start sleeping, or when I'd need to wake up in order to be rested.

And that's what it comes down to-- there was absolutely no leniency or accommodation for anything outside of that ultra-disciplined, hyper-regimented approach. There was no allowance made for neurodivergence or disability of any kind. Despite knowing me for years at that point, he couldn't understand why I just didn't Try Harder. Clearly I'd succeed if I just did it his way.

A few things that did actually help me, for the record:

When there's something that I Know is going to occupy the entirety of my brain until I do it, I just freakin' stop whatever else I'm doing and do it. In my case, that's usually writing down whatever bit is in my head, but also it can be getting out of bed to make sure I turned the stove off, or making sure I locked the door, or paying my credit card bills in the middle of the night, or whatever.

A lot of my executive dysfunction is exacerbated by sugar/protein levels, so I keep a supply of protein shakes on-hand. It doesn't necessarily fix my depressive episodes, but it gets me out of those loops where I can't do X until I do Y until I eat and I have to eat first because if I don't eat now then I won't be hungry for dinner and then blah blah blah.

On that note: I can't control when/how I sleep, but I can control how many meals I eat during a day and roughly when they happen. Eating regularly helps to make the rest of my natural rhythms a little more predictable.

I have a short list of foods that my household can reliably eat and try to keep the ingredients for that stocked.

I do actually do a little bit of scheduling-- I set aside a few-hour-block on two days of my week to work out. Not because I Must do it, but so that I'm not preoccupied with the constant background radiation of "I should be working out more". If it's not Monday or Friday, it's not going to happen.

Forgiving myself for not being at peak productivity levels at all times. My boss will get what I have it in me to give them, and not more. My writing might not be at its best all the time, but it's a hell of a lot better than a blank page. Pushing myself past my limits to adhere to an impossible standard only exacerbates all those other problems.

#also ending my association with a friend who refused to take no for an answer and refused to listen to some pretty fundamental realities

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the-100-days-of-junkan · 6 months ago

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Day 91

Besties i’m so fucking glad i don’t have that music video looming over my head anymore, like yeah i’m writing this on day 82 so it’s not ACTUALLY off of my chest yet but still. Oh right- the topic.

“So Elegant, So Vulgar” from School Life of Mutual Loving, by MarySutcliff

So this ones special! And the reason its special is also the reason I did it first! It was a bit hard to figure out, but if looking at the date of the collection of stories is correct, and putting it and putting it against other fics of the same nature, this chapter is the FIRST Soft Junkan Fic on AO3. If i’m wrong that’s my bad but I think the time of release for this one (which I can only speculate because I don’t know the best way to check)?

So it only seemed right to make something based off of it, for the culture! Though it wasn’t easy, this fic is a bit more . . . abstract? That’s probably an awful word to describe it as but I’m not good at this. The story switches perspective between several characters, in a way that pleases my brain as we loop between them, starting from Junko and ending at Junko. Now the format and the very internal way this fic was written posed the question of how the hell I was supposed to visualize it. Eventually I just tried to mimic the way the story was formatted, every character layered on top of eachother with Junko and Mikan exclusively in the center.

It’s really hard to describe but you can probably just look at it and see what I mean?

As for the fic itself!

It’s nice! I very unfortunately don’t have a lot to say beyond paying my respects for it’s place in Junkan History, and it’s extremely pleasing and unique format. Admittedly I do find the dialogue, both internal and external, a bit, jarring? Nothing that truly detracts from the piece, just feels off in a way that isn’t there with some of this author’s other stories.

I won’t be complaining though! I’m a gal who struggles to really critically chip into the things she takes in, I prefer to just enjoy what I’m given despite it’s flaws. I don’t blindly enjoy everything of course, there are pieces of media i either don’t feel positively on (or anything on), and even some pieces that truly bring out the worst in me. I am a woman who holds deep burning angry and spite inside of her, I just choose to try and not make it anyones problem but my own!~ Simply put while I may air small issues here and there, the coming days of fic adaptations will be more about showing my love for the work that I’ve read dozens of times and have helped somewhat satiate my constant need for Junkan, rather than picking apart everything that may or may not be wrong with them, very sorry if ya’ll were looking for something like that!~ Hopefully my happy go lucky lifestyle will suffice in its stead!

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

#danganronpa #junkan #junko enoshima #mikan tsumiki #junko x mikan #tsumiki mikan #enoshima junko #enomiki #junkomikan #shipping #makoto naegi #ibuki mioda #hiyoko saionji #mukuro ikusaba

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faefictions · 2 years ago

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Eddie Munson x Reader

Fluff, dealer!Eddie (kinda), self medication, reader is not in a good headspace my guys, completely unedited

2k words

Summary: You turn to weed in hopes it will help you finally get a break from your brain, but when all else fails, your so-called dealer knows how to help.

Tired.

It wasn't only what you were, it was the only word that had been repeating in your head for the past several days. Your constant state of autopilot only interrupted occasionally to remind you of how fatigued your limbs still were.

Sleep wasn't coming easy. It never had, but your insomnia only grew worse with every day you spent trying to pretend that life was currently business as usual.

It had been three months of this. This constant state of exhaustion. This inability to make it through a day without wishing your life had turned out any other way. This yearning for anything to take your pain away.

That was how you met Eddie. Your coworker told you about a friend of a friend. Some dude who used to deal back in high school. And although his new employment circumstances were legal, she said he could still get you something.

"Maybe it'll get that stick out of your ass," she had commented while writing down the number of this "dealer". Said "stick" was none other than depression brought on by the trauma you were still refusing to talk to anyone about. It didn't feel important anymore.

What was important was figuring out a way to just sleep. You were willing to try anything to make your brain shut up for a full 8 hours, and it would be an added bonus if it could shut up for the other 16 hours of the day.

Eddie got the call from your coworker, not you, a few days later. Although you were desperate for anything to make you feel better, you weren't able to build up the energy to pick up the phone and have a conversation with a man you'd never met. Especially not a conversation in which you plead with this stranger to sell you drugs.

He wasn't eager about the idea of selling again. He still got his shit from Rick, but that was his stash only. After being accused (and exonerated) for the murder of the most popular girl in town, he did his best to keep his activities legal. He didn't need to add any more fuel to the fire of the town hating him.

That didn't include partaking in the product himself though, the thought of quitting that barely crossed his mind.

He honestly tried telling your coworker no, that he didn't do that shit anymore, but he didn't know how to tell a begging girl no.

That was how you found yourself at his trailer at 9 pm on the coldest night of October. You felt guilty even showing up, you had heard the other end of his conversation with your coworker, and you knew he was just about as excited for this interaction as you were. But you needed to try something, and he couldn't lie, he could use the spare cash. Even if it was just a few bucks.

The man who answered the door was exactly what you were expecting. She hadn't told you what Eddie had looked like, but you figured anyone with a reputation like his wasn't going to look like your average Joe.

He was wearing a faded Van Halen t-shirt that had been poorly cut into a muscle tee, long curly frizzy and falling into his face. The chains attached to his belt loops were what really sold it though. He definitely looked the part of the high school drug dealer, the kid people only pretended to like for a discount on weed. The kind of kids you had been best friends with in high school.

"You y/n?" He asked the second he opened the door. You answered with a quick nod, and he welcomed your shivering body into his home.

He never would have done any deals in his trailer in High School. Not only did he not want Wayne caught up in all of his shit, but he never wanted to let anyone know where he lived. He knew better.

But now that he lived on his own, across the lot in the same trailer park he spent a majority of his childhood in, he was less worried. Especially knowing that the person he was selling to was friends with one of the few people from his past who didn't still think he was a murderer. He just hoped you were safe to have around.

He figured you were when he opened the door and took one look at you. Nothing about you screamed trouble, not to him at least. You dressed in the same way as him, and the most concerning thing about you was the dark circles under your eyes.

For a moment he thought you had been in a fight, but as you entered and came closer to the light coming from the kitchen, he realized that they were just the bags under your eyes.

Neither of you spoke much before you left with your goods. He told you to call him when you needed more, and smiled at you as he led you out the door. That hadn't been the plan.

He was going to tell you to buy from Rick next time, or one of his other dealers in town. He didn't plan on getting caught up as the middleman, but something about you made him want to make sure he was there next time.

Sure enough, a week later, you called to ask if you could stop by that night to pick up some more weed, and you were back on his doorstep by 10pm.

He did a sly once over of you when he opened the door, making note that you still looked like you hadn't slept since he saw you last. He tried making a bit more small talk this time, hoping to get you to crack a smile, but you left just as quickly as last week.

On the third week, you had been tempted to ask Eddie to double up on what he had been giving you. You were grateful to have a couple hours a day where your brain didn't feel on fire, but you still weren't sleeping. You weren't sure more weed could help with that though.

"Probably a dumb question, but you don't happen to have anything stronger, do you?" You asked as he handed you the same amount as last time.

Your question seemed to strike a nerve with him. Not one that angered him, but one that definitely upset him. You couldn't make out his emotions, but you thought he almost seemed concerned. Little did you know, that question had brought him right back to a conversation in the woods with a particular cheerleader. Nothing good happened after she had asked him that.

"What are you looking for?" He asked, though it sounded like it pained him.

"No idea, just something to make my brain stop for a while."

He deliberated for a moment, then tried to play nonchalant when he asked, "Not sleeping, huh?"

"Is it that obvious?" You laughed bitterly.

"You look like you got hit by a bus… to put it lightly," he replied earnestly, and got a chuckle out of you.

"It's been a long year," you gave him a half hearted smile. This was still a business transaction to you, and the last thing you wanted to do was trauma dump on your dealer.

But that was exactly what he wanted.

"Can I be honest with you?" He asked, unable to fully hide his concern.

"Shoot."

"I know you're paying me, but I dont think drugs are your answer."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean I don't know what's going on in there," he gestured vaguely towards your head, "but there's other ways to feel better."

"Well I think I've exhausted all my other options," you sighed, dragging a hand down your face.

"When's the last time you got a good night's sleep?"

"What's today?"

"Thursday."

"OK, well that would make it…. June?"

Eddie chuckled, but went right back to being worried.

"That's almost half a year."

"So you see why something stronger would do me wonders."

"I have a better idea. Do you trust me?"

You looked at him for a moment, deciding on how to answer. You barely knew him. This was your third time seeing him in person, and this was the most words you had heard come out of his mouth. Yet, the answer was yes. You trusted him wholeheartedly for some reason, but he didn't need to know that.

"Sure," you sighed, and allowed him to lead you to his couch.

He guided you to sit down, and left you with a blanket to cozy up with while he grabbed a joint from his bedroom, and an armful of snacks so you could stay put for the next few hours.

Now, taking your 4th puff from the lit joint before passing it back to him, you laid back and let him continue asking you questions.

"So you're friends with Cindy then?"

It took you a second to process who he meant. Cindy was the coworker who had recommended Eddie for weed.

"No, not really."

"Really? Because she seemed to have nothing but kind words about you."

"We're more of workplace acquaintances, I guess."

"OK. So do you live with any roommates?"

"No, just me."

"So no friends, no roommates, and no family within state lines?"

"Yeah, but it sounds more depressing when you put it like that."

"That's because it is depressing," he insisted, taking another drag from the joint. The room was just beginning to grow hazy from the smoke, and your brain was starting to feel the same.

"I think I know what's really wrong," he shot you a small smile from the other end of the couch.

"Oh yeah? Please tell me your diagnosis, Doctor Ed."

"You're lonely."

You froze for a second. Sure, it was obvious that was a big part of the problem. But how he said it, like it was almost a question. Like he knew that was the right answer, but there was still a blank he wanted you to fill in. It made you pause, unable to look him in the eye as you grabbed the joint from his hand and nearly inhaled the whole thing.

"Maybe you've got a knack for this therapy shit," you joked, hoping he wouldn't still be looking at you the same way when you returned his gaze. But he was. He was still looking at you with pity, though you could tell he was trying to hide it.

"How much do you trust me?"

"Less and less each time you ask."

"If I promise to stop asking, how would you feel about spending the night? We can watch a movie or something. And I'll drive you home in the morning."

"I dont know…"

"No strings attached, no ulterior motives. Just a guy trying to make a friend with someone just as lonely as him."

You considered for a moment. You hadn't meant what you said. No matter how many times he asked, you still trusted him. So you said yes.

You had to fight him on putting on a horror movie. It was the Halloween season after all, but you told him that watching people getting killed would make you rethink your decision to stay over.

"Feels too much like foreshadowing," you said, and he finally relented.

Instead, he found the old western he had inherited from Wayne when he moved out. You were much happier with that decision.

You fell asleep 30 minutes in, and Eddie would have complained in the morning that you had missed his favorite part, but he had fallen asleep right next to you. Your head rested on his shoulder, his head atop yours. The awkward untangling from each other was future you's problem.

For now, you were getting the full 8 hours you deserved.

Tags: (please let me know if you would like to be removed from my tag list, or add yourself to my tag list via the link in my bio!)

@embrace-themagic @fanficparker @heartbeats-wildly @saturn-aka-six @calum-hoodwinked-me @peterplanet @mischiefmanaged49 @nicotine-sunshine820 @itsjusttor @emistrash @thenoddingbunny-blog @sovereignparker @raajali3

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#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #dealer!eddie #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson hurt/comfort #stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagine

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angeart · 3 months ago

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I binge read your fic Help Me to Breath and a horrible "what-if" was stuck in my mind for like half the read, a scenario that COULD'VE happened. So I decided to write it, hope you enjoy :D

-This takes place in chapter 5 and sorta carries to chapter 6 -

Scar keeps staring out the window, back at his communicator, then out the window again. He’s sitting on his bed, Jellie now tucked on his lap. Petting her helps. She purrs a little, the vibrations gentle and calming under his fingertips.

There’s a quiet ping and he snaps to attention.

<Grian> i have flowers for you

He stares at the words.

They tug at his chest, and it feels dangerous .

He blinks away the burning in his eyes.

<GoodTimeWithScar> Where are you

At the same time, there’s another incoming message:

<Grian> im sorry im late

With deep breaths to calm his racing heart, he closes the communicater to lay on his bed, softly maneuvering Jellie to lay oh his chest. He can feel her purrs intensifying.

He close his eyes in hopes for sleep to take him, but his heart is screaming to go check on Grian in the usual spot.

'I can see him tomorrow' he convinces himself

'I'll take the flowers tomorrow, then I'll see him' he pleads with his heart.

The ping in his communicator soften his heart and mind with the reminder that Grian was just late, that he'll see another bouquet of flowers, more to his ever growing collection.

The scent of the flowers around him a gentle reminder.

The thought brought a smile to his face, mind ready for rest.

Unfortunately, more pings came. His communicator buzzing with constant notifications, ruining his peace.

Hes too tired for this, both mentally and physically. The buzzing coming off like an alarm, constant, a spam of sort.

Irritation grew, he doesn't have time for this, he wants to rest. Blindly, he reached for his com and puts himself on "do not disturb"

Taking deep breaths once more, he lets the silence guide him to slumber.

He can't help but feel dread the whole time.

-•-

Pain exploded everywhere inside him.

He imagines a field of flowers lit by the moonlight. A smoky crater, littered with poppies and lilacs and blood and—

His breath stutters in his chest, his eyes open as he respawns, nothing but darkness greets him and his vision blurs at the nightmare in front of his eyes—

His mind reeling, trying to comprehend at whats happening. The horrid pain that lingers.

He respawns to darkness.

Grian moves this time to avoid the arrow, body screaming with the movement. The fear is something that hold more coherency for his addled brain.

The arrow struck his wing.

He can’t even process it, he’s still stuck on the burning of the previous deaths. He can’t focus on anything, he can barely function, and—

Pain and terror grips his heart

And then it happens again.

ITS-

TOO—

MUCH—

<Grian> hELP

A nightmare, except all too real.

Everytime Grian startles awake in his bed, sits up. The mechanical sound clicks and then the arrows shoot, and he has nowhere to go to, he’s trapped in a box, a prank, a death loop prank left unsupervised, arrows flying at him, and he screams as they bury in his flesh, he presses himself against the wall, feels the raw agony of the wounds, the way the arrowheads rip his skin and muscle and organs, the way his throat fills with blood and blinding pain doubles him over and knocks him off his feet and—

<Grian> IT HURTS

He screams with everything he has, hoping that someone will come save him of this torturish nightmare.

The silence is deafening and his communicator mocks him

Hope clawing away from him as he sees his pleads be drowned out by his deaths.

No one is coming for him.

Some horrible part of him begs to not wake up, his mind breaking with his body.

He can't scream anymore

He blacks out some time in this torture, mind numbing as his body lost all function

He doesn't cry as an arrow struck his shoulder nor when it struck his wings—

His wings. They feel broken. Every part of him feels broken.

Click click chuk. The arrows stops, his suffering has ended.

Theres no joy though, not with an arrow stabbing his leg and shoulder, not with one sticking through his wing—

His wingswingswings—

Everything darkens.

He awakens from a soft ping of his communicator, shining amidst the darkness of the box.

He moves to look—

It burnsburnsburnBURNS EVERYTHING HURTS

<Mumbo> Got any arrows on you, mate?

<BdoubleO100> LMAO

<Mumbo> Death loop in the night? Oof

<ImpulseSV> ouch you good, G?

<Pearlescentmoon> Impulse i nee—

What little flame of hope he managed to nurture extinguished in an instant, only the burning of pain accompanies him.

His vision blurs as his mind tries to comprehend the agony he is under, limbs spasming with every burn, causing more pain to consume him.

And when his surrounding grew dim, he wonders where Scar went, wonders why no one came to help him, wonders if he deserves it.

And so when darkness claims him. He hopes he doesn't wake up.

Hopes that death darkness is kinder than his burning soul.

OH. OH MY GOSH.

yeah. wow. okay. evil. (/pos :D)

the trap eventually runs out of arrows, but grian is in no state to free himself. he would absolutely just. shut down.

the awfulness of people thinking nothing's wrong because his plea for help was so thoroughly drowned out by the unending death messages. nobody's coming to help. grian will always be submerged in this darkness and agony.

it was meant to stop, but it feels like it's still happening full-force. grian's not sure if it ever will stop.

scar doesn't catch on, either. he wakes up, none the wiser, not checking his comms as per usual. he forgets he silenced it. it's only once he steps outside and finds the box devoid of flowers that he starts feeling confused, remembering that sense of dread that curled in his stomach as he was drifting off to sleep.

grian said he was running late.

but maybe scar misunderstood? maybe it meant he won't make it this time? or maybe scar just dreamed that conversation, from sheer sorrow and ache and loneliness?

he's unsure as he's standing outside. bereft. hands empty.

he left his comms upstairs in his bedroom, but suddenly he feels too drained to move.

there are no flowers. no grian.

impulse catches him and greets him. talks to him, so very casually, missing or maybe just pretending not to see scar's jumpiness and nervousness. he says, conversationally, "i think grian's had a rough night."

scar stares at him, incomprehension coloruing his irises. "what? why?"

"oh." impulse chuckles under his breath. "you haven't seen." it sounds like it doesn't surprise him.

"seen what?" scar presses.

"the chat?" impulse pauses, as if he expects scar to pull out his comms. but scar's hands are as empty as they were when they found the flower box untouched. finally, impulse gives in and explains: "he got stuck in a death loop."

all of a sudden, scar's stomach drops, back into the depths of that dread from last night, but worse. so much more intense. it squeezes at his insides, clawed and dangerous, burning through him. "he— died?"

"oh, so many times," impulse waves his hand, amused, brushing it off. nonchalant. as if it wasn't a big deal.

scar's shoulders drop a little, trying to align himself with impulse's vibes. if impulse isn't worried, then surely scar has nothing to worry about either, right? if it was bad, impulse wouldn't talk about it this way. so maybe scar was right. maybe he is the only one broken. the only one hurting and faulty.

it brings him no solace, but he does feel a sliver of relief, letting the dread in his stomach uncoil ever so slightly.

---

i wonder if scar'd go check on grian at some point. if he'd go scroll through the death messages, in an attempt to see if the conversation from last night was real. only to find a plea for help, tucked so meticulously away it's no surprise everybody else missed it too.

or maybe it'd be bdubs, coming over to help clean up the prank. or maybe just to gloat and tease.

or maybe the alley would've been quiet and empty for days, until someone finally asks, "have you seen grian?"

#ange answers #hmtb #mai's hmtb au #long post #oh this one is so fun #things would be SO BAD #love aus of aus and spinning all the possibilities and whatnot #thank you for coming to me with this!! :D #i love it #“have you seen grian?” has such a boatem circus “where's grian?” vibes hehe :3c

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redrosydiaz · 3 months ago

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writer questions

thank you to the lovely @atlasblue85 for tagging me in this!! i loooove to yap about my writing so this is ✨perfect✨ tyty 🫶🫶

1. How many works on AO3?

128!!

2. Total AO3 word count?

726,147 - which. w o w. that's. a big fucking number omg.

3. Top 5 fics by kudos?

good for my boy - steddie, stranger things (5157 kudos)

can't hide the way you make us glow - steddie, stranger things (3586 kudos)

i want to hold your hand - steddie, stranger things (2479 kudos)

sloe gin fizzy, do it till you're dizzy - steddie, stranger things (2349 kudos)

the world will follow after - steddie, stranger things (2187 kudos)

4. What fandoms do you write for?

right now i'm writing for 911!!

but i have written for stranger things, marvel, skam, it, challengers, good omens, supernatural, love simon, and shameless in the past!

5. Do you respond to comments?

YES!!! i literally JUST finished replying to a whooole bunch of 'em. i always think that like if someone took the time to leave a comment and say something nice i'll always always always take the time to reply!! mutual love babeeeeyyy 🫶

6. Angstiest ending?

oh man. well. i am uhhh NOT known for writing angst lmaoo. in fact, i rarely ever write it (even though i DO love to read it). also i am a FIRM happy ending always kind of gal, so even if i DO write angst it ends happily.

soooo i suppose the angstiest ending i can think of is probably from lily white, hold me tight which is a stucky fic in which bucky was actually drafted and didn't choose to join the army and steve finds out and like they have a little argument about it but then fall asleep curled up together. so like. mostly happy ending, but there is still the looming reality of bucky having to go off to war sooo...

7. Fic with the happiest ending?

really, truly i cannot answer this. simply because ALL my fics have the happiest endings and there really is not one that stands out to me as the happiest.

you want a happy ending, take a look at literally any fic in my library 😂

8. Do you get hate?

nope!

9. Do you write smut?

yep! not as often as i'd like to tbh, but i always seem to get a little stuck on it when i am writing it so it takes me longer to do :/ but i've got like. 3 or 4? smut wips rn. wish me luck on finishing them!!!! lol

10. Do you write crossovers?

nah, not my thing.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't think so? i think i've had at least one person ask me before, but i don't know if they actually did? bc i never heard anything about it after that?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

i have not, but i have tried to a few times! lol. although, me and my bestie liam are trying to co-write something rn!! it's been. slow going on my end (as in i've barely looked at it RIP) lmaoo but we are trying.

14. All time favourite ship?

oh man this is another one of those questions idk if i can answer!!! bc like. my all time favorite ship is probably going to be the ship i'm most obsessed with at the moment bc like my brain is a constant loop of that and drowns out everything else. but ALL TIME??

i guess if i HAD to choose i'd probably say stucky, just bc that ship never gets old and it's a classic and it's just soooooooo fucking GOOD, there's so much meat on that ship's bones yknow?

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ha ha ha. too many. waaaaay too many to list out.

16. Writing strengths?

ooh i like to think that i'm pretty good at getting characterizations right!! it's something i really try hard with when i write, because i know how much characterization can make or break a story. like i always say if you've got the characterization down, you can put your little guys in ANY situation and make it work. so i focus on that a lot in my writing!! and i've gotten lots of compliments on that across my fics before so it sounds like i'm doing a good job with it!!

17. Writing weaknesses?

i tend to get in my head about action tag type stuff the longer i'm working on a fic. like, i feel like i start out strong with the action descriptions around dialogue when i first set out to write but the longer i'm writing that same fic the more i get in my head about that lol. like i always tend to feel like i'm being sooo repetitive about that kind of stuff like omg how many times did i describe what his eyes are doing or how many times did i say he smiled. in reality, i think i'm probably overthinking that and its NOT as egregious as i think it is, but you know how writer brain gets haha.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

don't force it!!!!!!!!!! if it works with the characters and the dialogue, it can be fine, it can be done right, but if you're trying to shoehorn a second language pet name or throw in some random line in another language just to indicate the character speaks it when it DOESN'T fit or when the character DOESN'T use that language in that way often or at all (which, unfortunately, is something i see sooooo much) then don't force it!!!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

skam!!!! BELOVED!!!! 🫶🫶🫶

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

oh my god i literally cannot choose??? this is like asking someone to pick their favorite child fslkjgs.

i don't have one single favorite, it's impossible, but i will pick two that i really really love that i think about often ksljfsf.

first, in the way only you could which is a challengers fic!! i just really really love the atmosphere i built up for this fic, i feel like i did a really good job making it visceral and real and that scene setting has stuck with me!!

second, keep me on a rope which is my tommy hagan pov steddie hs reunion fic!! i love this one because it let me play with tommy and carol and the elaborate lore i created for them in my head lmaoo and oh my gOD was it FUN getting into tommy's head and digging into the dynamics of his relationship with carol and steve.

if you've made it this far TY you're a star! lol. now, i'm going to tag: @withacapitalp @livingincolorsagain @twobirdsonesong @playinginthunderstorms @semperama @evanbuckleyshands @fastcardotmp3 @inell @closetfascination and anyone else that wants to jump on this!!

#tag game #mack writes

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possum-quesadilla · 4 months ago

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Playlist dissections for Time is a Flat Circle, Time’s Arrow, and You Can Always Come Home!!

TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE

Titles:

- “The Heroine” by Unwoman

Used twice, for the title of chapter one, “Go through the emotions again and again”, and chapter six, “And this time I actually feel them”.

The first chap’s title is fairly obvious, He has to go through all of the emotions of the loop over and over again. The rest of the song is about an actress lamenting how she has the sympathies of the audience, but that someone who promised to come see her show never did. I feel like this is prevalent for our rancid little fella!

For chapter six, it’s a continuation of chapter one’s title. Beetlejuice actually has to start facing and feeling all of the emotions and hurt from the loops!

- “In Heaven (Lady in the Radiator Song)” by David Lynch

For chapter two’s title, “In Heaven, everything is fine”. It is from the movie “Eraserhead”! The movie itself is rather dark, and the song comes at a moment that the main character is considering that maybe heaven would be better than his current situation. For Beetlejuice, this pertains to how he is trying to convince himself that this is as close to happy as he’ll get, and that everything is indeed fine, even though it isn’t.

- “Dinner Is Not Over” by Jack Stauber

For chapter three’s title, “I’ve tasted dying and it tasted good!” The song actually promotes suicide prevention. The song talks about having many experiences, including a brush with death. The idea of death is very tempting to the person singing, but he says it’s “for desert” and he can “have it when dinner is done”. (Basically, yes death is tempting, but there’s so much more to your life to experience and look forward to.) It’s a hauntingly beautiful song, while also being uplifting and catchy! The lyric for the title in particular refers to how Beetlejuice’s own constant brushes with death and eternal rest is seeming more and more desirable with each passing loop, but he keeps going for Lydia and the Maitlands.

- “Devil Town V2” by Cavetown

For chapter four’s title, “Falling doesn’t feel so bad when I know you’re falling this way too”. SPECIFICALLY specifically V.2 because that is my favorite version. It’s about growing up in a tumultuous home, specifically being a child of divorce. The cyclical and downtrodden nature of the song reflects BJ’s outlook at this point in the story, but the title line specifically refers to how his pain is being lessened by no longer being alone in his suffering.

- “So Long” by Tokyo Elvis

For chapter five’s title, “Try to hold the breeze within your fingertips, It’s hopeless”. I can’t find much online about the song, but it has that good cyclical feeling I look for in songs for this fic. This line specifically refers to how Beetlejuice is trying to hold on to the fleeting joy he finds among the routine of the loop, but he can’t hold on to it forever. This song is also just soooooo time loop core, it’s insane.

- “Nobody” by Mitski

For chapter seven’s title, “And I don’t want your pity, I just want somebody near me”. Mitski was my rock throughout writing this chapter. (And the whole fic) If I had less self restraint, the entirety of both of the LoopJuice playlists would be all Mitski. I feel like this song, and the line I chose for the title in particular, really reflect what our sweet little demon wants deep down.

- “This Woman’s Work” by Kate Bush

AUUUGH. This song destroys me. For chapter eight’s title, “I know you have a little life in you yet, I know you have a lot of strength left”. Heavily inspired by a scene using this song in “Our Flag Means Death”, I listened to this song endlessly while writing this chapter. I believe it fits it so well for obvious reasons. My brain associates it very heavily with Barbara, but also Beetlejuice and his struggles to have “a little life” in him yet.

Non-titles:

Time loop core

These songs mostly just generally fit the vibe of “stuck in a time loop and it sucks”!

- “Look Who’s Inside Again” by Bo Burnham

It’s hard to explain how Beetlejuice core AND time loop core this is without just. Explaining the entire song.

- “taixu” by lasah, sasakure

One of the songs that actually helped me come up with the plot of this fic! I like imagining the first “crow” as Juno, in my mental animatic. Then the Maitlands as the second “crow”, with him banishing them to the attic. (Fun fact: I originally planned on making a chainshipping animatic to this. I still have it partially plotted out.)

- “Any Day Now” by Bo Burnham

I imagine this is him being in hard denial about the time loop. Or about his feelings.

- “Charlie’s Inferno” by That Handsome Devil

I think this one is fairly obvious in a way maybe

- “Rain” by Jack Stauber

Just listen to this one, and it’ll make sense. Ouch. “Why’s it still raining? I did what I was supposed to. That’s not fair.”

- “You’re at the Party” by Lemon Demon

A song about a man who’s stuck in purgatory after dying in his sleep. Fitting!

- “There’s Something Happening” by Jack Stauber

Vibes, man. Also him pretending everything is hunky-dory

- “Spiral of Ants” by Lemon Demon

Idk how to put this into so many words. This song fucks.

- “Once I’m In My Head” by Jack Stauber

Him being a dumbass struggling to think of a way out.

- “4379” by Jack Stauber

Beetlejuice falling in love over and over, doing the same things over and over.

- “Is Anyone There” by Jack Stauber

Pretty self explanatory!

General Beetlejuice core

Songs that fit Beetlejuice as a character in general to me, as well as loopjuice specifically.

- “Hansel” by Sodikken

A song about a character who was ignored so hard he did something drastic that got him killed. That’s our guy!

- “People Eater” by Sodikken

Love this freak energy. Also, “I think there’s something wrong with me, why can’t I just live happily?” And “Why do you still believe in me?”, and “And I’m baffled why you choose to stay with me, you’re completely free, yet you refuse to leave”. Yikes.

- “Mirror Man” by Jack Stauber

Desperate for attention and approval!

- “A Mask of My Own Face” by Lemon Demon

Adaptable! Will be anything for anyone! Please just stick around, I’ll be anyone

- “Soft Fuzzy Man” by Lemon Demon

Heheh. Fits his weird flirty side.

- “The Mind Electric” by Miracle Musical

A classic Beetlejuice core song.

- “Eighth Wonder” by Lemon Demon

Creature energy. Love him.

- “Sense, Sensibility” by AJJ

Funky demon who doesn’t understand human bullshit!

- “Friends In Low Places” by Worthikids

Mostly referring to how he’s a demon, but also how he could “vanish with no traces” etc.

- “A Human’s Touch” by TWRP

Again, desperate for attention and approval.

- “My Time” by bo en

I feel like this just exudes the same manic energy he does.

- “Fighter” by Jack Stauber

“Call me fighter, I’ll mop the floor with you, call me lover, I’ll take you for a drink or two” and “If you truly loved me, why’d you train me to fight?” Specifically. The second one is a sort of begging call-out to his mom, in my mind.

Beetlands

Mostly from my Beetlands playlist, so I won’t really explain these! I will eventually if I do a dissection on my Beetlands playlist. Maybe

- “It Will Come Back” by Hozier

- “Curses” by The Crane Wives

- “Never Love an Anchor” by The Crane Wives

Beej trauma

- “Mama’s Boy” by Dominic Fike

I guess this only really works if you’ve seen the animation memes…

- “Abbey” by Mitski

He doesn’t know what he’s wanted, but he just knows he was born wanting. (It was love and warmth)

- “The Wolf Song” by Amanda Palmer

Pretty… self explanatory with the lyrics, but for his mother instead of his father.

Specific

- “Goodbye” by Bo Burnham

This song very much fits his mentality of chapter 8, in my mind. Especially “I swear to god that all I’ve ever wanted was, a little bit of everything all of the time, a bit of everything all of the time” he wanted so little, but to him, it was still too much. Too “everything”.

- “The Sword of Damocles” from “Rocky Horror Picture Show”

He talks about the sword of Damocles in the original show, and he feels a sort of constant dread in the fic, heheh.

- “What If Tomorrow Comes” from “Black Friday”

Funny story, this was almost the title of chapter 8! Originally, I had the idea of it ending on a cliffhanger of whether the time loop actually ended or not. That was in very early stages of Loopjuice’s development though, before I decided on making Time’s Arrow. Still holds up to me, with their anxious countdown there at the end!

- “Last Words of a Shooting Star” by Mitski

If you know what this song is about, it makes quite a lot of sense for chapter 8.

- “I Guess” by Mitski

Him thinking this is the end of himself, expressing his care for the others, especially Lydia.

- “Pearl Diver” by Mitski

For when he was so sure he was dying! Also some of the lyrics hurt hard if you think of them from the others’ POVs.

- “Pale Machine” by bo en

In my mental animatic, this is him singing with Lydia, forcing himself to go through the motions each loop to keep her happy. Also, “Hold me, I’m a pale machine, life is just okay out here, anyone can see, I’m lonely”

- “Choice” by Jack Stauber

Ough. It’s hard to elaborate on this one without going beat-per-beat with the animatic I’d make if I had the skills.

- “Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart” by Mitski

Very much fitting with Beej’s thoughts leading up to the ritual in chapter 8. How he’s grown, but how he feels he has to go and how he deserves to be forgotten.

In story references:

- Chapter 8: “So Long” by Tokyo Elvis

Line: “They tried, desperately, to hold it all within their grasp, to savor it, to hold it close. But it’s hopeless. The last day with their BFFF passes like sand through his fingers.”

Original lyric: “Try to hold the breeze within your fingertips, It’s hopeless”

A sort of call back to chapter five’s title, and to allude how he thinks him holding onto these things is hopeless.

- Chapter 8: “Last Words of a Shooting Star” by Mitski

Line: “He empties out their belongings from his hammer space and leaves them in tidy piles in the basement.”

Original lyric: “And I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy, They'll think of me kindly, When they come for my things”

See previous note about this song, how the song is about someone dying in some way, and is looking back at how they left things and how they lived.

TIME’S ARROW

Titles:

- “Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart” by Mitski

For chapter one, “There’s some kind of burning inside me, It’s kept me from falling apart”. The song itself fits more with Time is a Flat Circle and chapter nine of this fic, but the selected line specifically is meant to refer how to Beetlejuice is unknowingly reflecting on his deep yearning to be seen and heard and understood, and how it impacted his relationships and his self worth.

- “Mt Washington” by Local Natives

For chapter two, “Digging like you can bury something that cannot die, We could wash the dirt off our hands now”. Both literally relevant and thematically relevant! Beetlejuice is digging for no apparent reason, to Lydia. She doesn’t know he can die, so to her, it’s useless, and they should just go home and wash up. For Beej, he’s trying to “bury something that cannot die”; his guilt, his dread, all his Feelings. You can wash your hands, and try to bury it, but it will not die.

- “A Mask of My Own Face” by Lemon Demon

For chapter three, “A mask of my own face, I’d wear that”. I feel like this one is perhaps the most self-explanatory of the chapter titles, haha. He’s wearing a “mask of his own face”, or putting on a show of a version of himself for the others.

- “Hey, Little Songbird” from “Hadestown”

For chapter four, “Suddenly, nothing is as it was, Where are you now, Orpheus?”. I’m sure we can all connect the dots with this one. Rattlesnake vs songbird, but really, wolf vs lamb.

- “Good Luck, Babe!” By Chappell Roan

For chapter five, “Good luck, babe! You’d have to stop the world just to stop the feeling”. Pretty literal and self explanatory. Beej is trying to bury all of those pink fuzzy Feelings, but that’s impossible.

- “No Children” by The Mountain Goats

For the first half of chapter six’s title, “I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow, I hope it bleeds all day long”. Two songs for the two very different vibes! This first half reflects how Beetlejuice was relying on pain to distract him from his Feelings. Also, “No Children” is a good song for Beej in general, for a few of his past relationships.

- “Samson” by Regina Spektor

For the second half of chapter six’s title, “You are my sweetest downfall”. Basically, Beej admitting to himself that the Maitlands are his “downfall”. His Feelings for them are fatal, in his head. Also this song just fits Beetlands so well to me, oh my god.

- “Strawberry Blonde” by Mitski

For another split chapter! This is the first half of chapter seven, “I love everybody because I love you!”. That fits the majority of the chapter, and how his new official relationship with the Maitlands fills him with so much warmth and joy to spread to others.

- “Gross” by Penelope Scott

For the second half of chapter seven, “But I’m just a chemical compound, You’re just the gun in my mouth”. Good contrast to the other song, and between his relationships. Beetlejuice is just a being, trying his best, and he knows Cyrus will be the “death” of him. This whole song is sooooo Beetlejuice and Cyrus core, it’s insane. Also it goes HARD.

- “October Passed Me By” by girl in red

For chapter eight, “October passed me by just like any month”. Very extremely literal. October passes him by in a blur, as does the rest of the year shortly after. This song is also a personal dagger to the heart for me, and LoopJuice is based on me, so it hurts him too, lol.

- “Never Love an Anchor” by The Crane Wives

For chapter nine, “I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel, I am all the things they might have said to you”. This song is sooo. Beetlejuice. Beetlands. LoopJuice. I’m obsessed with this song. This title is him worrying about what the others think of him, and what they will say about him after he’s gone. How he feels so horrid for what he’s done, and believes wholeheartedly that he deserves it for his actions and such. I love you The Crane Wives!!

- “Anthems For A Seventeen Year-Old Girl” by yeule

For chapter ten, “Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that, Now you’re all gone, got your make-up on, and you’re not coming back”. Haha, get it? Because this chapter’s from the POV of a 17 year-old demigirl? Also, it is meant to reflect their relationship and her mental space throughout it. The dream-like quality of the song is meant to mirror how confused and adrift Lydia feels here. Also, “I Saw The TV Glow” is very important to me and to this fic series in general, hence the constant references to it.

- “Wait For Me (Reprise)” from “Hadestown”

For chapter eleven, “Wait for me, I’m comin’, Wait, I’m comin’ with you”. Either from “Wait for Me” or “Wait for Me (Reprise)”, both work! Mostly the first one. Pretty obvious, and blatantly connected to the “Hadestown” / Orpheus and Eurydice through line!

- “Flowers” from “Hadestown”

For chapter twelve, “Flowers, I remember fields of flowers”. Now we’re seeing our Eurydice’s perspective! Very literal. At one point, all Beetlejuice can remember is flowers.

- “Everything Stays (feat. Olivia Olson)” from “Adventure Time”

For chapter thirteen, “Everything stays, But it still changes, Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, In little ways, when everything stays”. Thank you Cosmo! The vibe of the song “Today Today” by Jack Stauber really fits this chapter, as I hear the ending as a happy reunion, and I’ve been planning to use it for this chapter for forever. Unfortunately the lyrics don’t fit, so I went with the next best song! Also, Beej has changed quite a bit. In little ways and big ways, but still he (and everyone) stays.

- “First Love/Late Spring” by Mitski

For chapter fourteen, “So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, Please don't say you love me”. It’s meant to reflect Beej’s crushing guilt and turbulent mental state.

- “Claw Machine” by Sloppy Jane

For chapter fifteen, “But my heart is like a claw machine, It’s only function is to reach, It can't hold on to anything”. This song works well for both LoopJuice and Corpsejuice. I wanted to tie the “I Saw The TV Glow” themes back in again, and to reflect how Beej still holds a negative image of himself and his ability to hold onto relationships. Hopefully, that image changes soon, wink wink! Also this song fucks. It goes so hard. The whole soundtrack for that movie does.

- “Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want” by The Smiths

For chapter sixteen, “So for once in my life, Let me get what I want, Lord knows, it would be the first time”. Because gets what he wants in this chap :) (Also listen to that song and think of LoopJuice if you wanna cry a bit.)

- “You Can Always Come Home” by Toby Fox

For chapter seventeen, of the same title. This is the first and probably only LoopJuice chapter to not have lyrics for the title! Instead, it’s from a song title. It’s meant to be Beetlejuice to Lydia, as well as myself to the reader. You can always return to this fic, if it brings you comfort. It will always be here for you. I highly recommend listening to this song while reading.

Non-titles:

Repeats:

- “Love Bug” by Jack Stauber

- “Abbey” by Mitski

- “4379” by Jack Stauber

- “Friends In Low Places” by Worthikids

- “Look Who’s Inside Again” by Bo Burnham

- “Pearl Diver” by Mitski

- “Goodbye” by Bo Burnham

- “Remember My Name” by Mitski

Angst?:

- “Blood Pump” by Jack Stauber

:(( Just look at the lyrics. That’s my boy.

- “Ocean Breathes Salty” by Modest Mouse

On here for very similar reasons as to why it’s on the Lonely Remnants playlist.

- “Cry Baby” by Melanie Martinez

He is such a piss baby, compared to the other demons. They all think he’s soooo emotional.

- “Bugbear” by chloe moriondo

Sooooo loopjuice coded. I love you “Bugbear”

- “A Deer Mistaking Candles for Headlights” by Crywank

Ooooough. A many lyric song. Hard to dissect this one without going lyric by lyric. I just… listen to it and think heavily of him.

- “Icarus” by Bastille

“Look who’s digging their own grave”, etc. Y’know!

- “Achilles Come Down” by Gang of Youths

Y’know. Y’know.

- “Lonely Day” by System Of A Down

Vibes. Thank you Cosmo!

- “Richter” by Jack Stauber

This one is sooooo. Vibes. “Baby’s in the basement”. He sure is

- “Francis Forever” by Mitski

Mitski my beloved. This one is mostly vibes tbh

- “Dog Nightmare” by Jack Stauber

Vibes. Oh my god. Dread…

- “Mr Backwards” by Jack Stauber

About how he views himself.

- “Feel Better” by Penelope Scott

:( yeah… the lyrics….

- “Bug Like an Angel” by Mitski

My fucked up lonely man. About how he feels about himself being a fuck-up.

- “Moonsickness” by Penelope Scott

This song very much reflects Beej’s mentality on how he sucks and all. And how he loves his family.

- “Dead Weight” by Jack Stauber

He feels like dead weight! This is mostly vibes.

- “Furniture” by Owen Pallett

Fits poor Beej’s trauma with his mother and avoidant tendencies!

- “Coyotes” by Modest Mouse

This song. I can’t. Go into too many specifics. This song is everything to me. I don’t know how to explain it

- “A Sadness Runs Through Him” by The Hoosiers

Pretty self explanatory for our boy! “He could not break surface tension, He looked in the wrong place for redemption”

Beetlands

Same with the Beetlands stuff from the previous playlist!

- “In The Middle” by dodie

- “Sweet Tooth” by Cavetown

- “Honeybee” by Steam Powered Giraffe

- “Would You Be So Kind” by dodie

- “I Do Adore” by Mindy Glendhill

- “Linger” by The Cranberries

- “Strawberry Blonde” by Mitski

- “When He Sees Me” from “Waitress”

- “Parrot” by Stepdad

- “Lemon Boy” by Cavetown

- “Never Love an Anchor” by The Crane Wives

- “I Bet on Losing Dogs” by Mitski

- “Cosmic Love” by Florence + The Machine

- “Tongues & Teeth” by The Crane Wives

- “I’d Like To Walk Around In Your Mind” by Vashti Bunyan

- “She Wants Me (To Be Loved)” by The Happy Fits

- “Stray Italian Greyhound” by Vienna Teng

- “First Love / Late Spring” by Mitski

- “Harness Your Hopes - Sped Up” by Pavement

- “I Won’t Say (I’m In Love)” from “Hercules”

Lydia:

- “Class of 2013” by Mitski

She misses her mama.

- “Skeleton Song” by Kate Nash

This has always been a Beetlejuice and Lydia’s friendship song for me. Fuck. The ending, for me, is about the ritual.

Cyrus:

- “Me and My Husband” by Mitski

To me, this is a song about a woman from the 50s trapped in a loveless marriage, where she’s basically just an accessory for her husband. Fits Beej and Cyrus’ relationship!

- “maggot belly” by awfultune

Oof. This song is… rough. I won’t say too much about it. It is a pretty triggering one for some folks.

Specifics:

- “Lima Bean Man” by Jack Stauber

Remember those scenes where Beej thought Cyrus was going to / had killed Barbara? Yeah…

- “STRAIGHT DOWN” by Worthikids

I can’t tell you much about how this applies to LoopJuice without spoiling the series it comes from, so I won’t say anything. Because I need more people to watch it.

- “Leopard” by Jack Stauber

In my head, very vividly, this song is Beej stumbling and suffering through the second time loop stuff.

- “Our Word” from “36 Questions”

Specifically the ending part, in my head, is Beej being taken, and imagining what the others would say about him. Ouch.

- “Who Was She” from “Centaurworld”

I feel like this one is pretty clear, hehe.

- “The Moon Will Sing” by The Crane Wives

This is specifically about Deb. “I shine only with the light you gave me”, etc.

- “Today Today” by Jack Stauber

Everyone going through the motions while Beej is missing, sort of mentally not there. The happy-sounding ending is him returning.

- “Neath the grove is a heart” by Yaelokre

About Beej slowly forgetting everything in the second loop, mostly. Poor boy.

- “Pink in the Night” by Mitski

RAAAH. I love you Mitksi. There’s so many little things in this song I connect to loopjuice, it’s insane.

- “Coma Baby” by Nichole Dollanganger

Post Beej returning from his second time loop. “You’re just a shell of the boy that you’ve been”. Ouch!

- “I’d Rather Sleep” by Kero Kero Bonito

Reflects what the title says. For a while after his return, all Beej wanted to do was sleep.

- “What Did You Do” by Jack Stauber

“Thanks for taking the time to know my name”.

- “Who Is She? (Reprise)” from “Centaurworld”

This is right before Cyrus takes him.

- “Darren” by Jack Stauber

THIS IS. SO HIM. ALL OF IT. AHHH!! Oh my god.

- “Crocodile Tears” by Jack Stauber

How he feels everything is his fault, and his pain is not deserved.

- “Premonition” by Toby Fox

Okay. Kinda crazy. But I specifically think of this one as right after Beej finds out the terms of his and Cyrus’ Deal, when he’s stumbling through the forest.

- “Nymphs Finding the Head of Orpheus” by Nichole Dollanganger

Mostly for the title. And the vibes, for right after Beej took off his blindfold, before Larry found him.

- “Undertale” by Toby Fox

It feels nice. Like Home.

In story references:

- Chapter 1: “The Moon Will Sing” by The Crane Wives

Line: “She was light. He shone only with the light she cast. She was everything.”

Original lyric: “Bore the shadows that you made, With no light of my own”

This song greatly embodies Deb and Beej’s relationship, and how it was very one-sided and draining for him. He basked in the limited attention and affection she showed, and allowed his own needs and wants to be pushed aside in favor of Deb’s.

- Chapter 1: “Cop Car” by Mitski

Line: “He is cruel. He is gentle. He makes him laugh.”

Original lyric: “I am cruel, I am gentle, I can make you laugh”

“Cop Car” really embodies parts of this chapter and Loopjuice’s character as a whole. He also genuinely saw Cyrus as gentle, until he just… wasn’t.

- Chapter 1: “Gross” by Penelope Scott

Line: “(It was so easy, so salty and gross - )”

Original lyric: “It was so easy with you, so salty and gross”

Like I said before, really embodies Beej and Cyrus’ relationship. It was so much easier to give himself into something “gross”, something “salty” and painful, than to face his real Feelings.

- Chapter 1: “Tongues & Teeth” by The Crane Wives

Line: “I will ruin you. I know that you mean so well- ”

Original lyric: “Oh, I will ruin you” … “I know that you mean so well, But I am not a vessel for your good intent”

An extremely Beetlejuice / Beetlands coded song, fairly literal. I listen to that song sooo much and think of them.

- Chapter 1: “Curses” by The Crane Wives

Line: “But rain is washing the blood away. The smoke clears.”

Original lyric: “Every word I say is kindling, But the smoke clears when you're around”

The Crane Wives in general are very LoopJuice / Beetlejuice / beetlands coded to me. This was meant to be a nod to the song, but it and the song in general also applies to him very heavily.

- Chapter 2: “Feel Better” by Penelope Scott

Line: “Lydia could tell, then, that she certainly had a heart.”

Original lyric: “But when my head hit my cheap pillow, I could tell I had a heart”

This song as a whole fit both Beetlejuice and Lydia so well. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell you have a heart. Then it reminds you.

- Chapter 2: “Just For Once” from “Black Friday”

Line: “Just for a moment, your life could be just what you wanted.” … “Just for once, just for a moment.”

Original lyric: “But just for once, my life could be just what I wanted”

Mostly just because the song goes SO HARD, and is thematically relevant here.

- Chapter 2: “When He Sees Me” from “Waitress”

Line: “You give your all, and you get so much given back.”

Original lyric: “What if I give myself away, to only get it given back?”

Suuuuuuuper Beetlands song, for obvious reasons. Also, again, thematically relevant.

- Chapter 2: “Love Love Love” by The Mountain Goats

Line: “The things you do for love come back to you one by one.”

Original lyric: “But the things you do for love are going to come back to you one by one”

It is one of the gentler songs on the LoopJuice playlists, and reflects more feelings of acceptance and uneasy peace.

- Chapter 2: “Personal” by Stars

Line: “Don’t be too much. Heavy is the cost.”

Original lyric: “Sorry to be heavy, but heavy is the cost, Heavy is the cost”

Give this song a listen. It doesn’t quite fit LoopJuice, but the idea of “heavy is the cost” fits well.

- Chapter 2: “Please Eat” by Nichole Dollanganger

Line: “Parts of you are already gone.”

Original lyric: “There's parts of you already gone I can never revive”

LoopJuice doesn’t have an eating disorder similar to the one this song is about, but the line hits hard and is very thematically relevant.

- Chapter 3: “Stray Italian Greyhound” by Vienna Teng

Line: “Oh no. … Oh no, not now. … Please, not now. … But, of course, some sort of ridiculous “Feeling” had to come along.”

Original lyric: “Oh no, not now, Please not now, I've just settled into the glass half empty, made myself at home, And so why now?, Oh, please not now, I just stopped believing in happy endings, harbors of my own”

A very pivotal song in the playlist, and a very pivotal moment. That “FUCK I just settled for a shitty life, and now I’m feeling Feelings??”. Y’know!

- Chapter 7: “Like Real People Do” by Hozier

Line: “Not just slightly sardonic or glibly nihilistic, but happy. Like real people do.”

Original lyric: “We should just kiss like real people do”

Mostly just a reference, since it’s a Beetlands song to me, and I love Hozier.

- Chapter 8: “Sweet Hibiscus Tea” by Penelope Scott

Line: “Exhaustion weighed down their limbs, the heaviness of it all threatening to crack their collarbone as it settled down heavily on their shoulders.”

Original lyric: “The bones are melting, the skeleton is ash, The clavicle detaches and falls with a deafening crash”

This song is very Beetlejuice, but also the dread of this part fits very well.

- Chapter 8: “Never Love an Anchor” by The Crane Wives

Line: “Exhaustion weighed down their limbs, the heaviness of it all threatening to crack their collarbone as it settled down heavily on their shoulders.”

Original lyric: “There is love that doesn't have a place to rest, But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders”

Beetlands. Beetlejuice. What else can I say?

- Chapter 8: “The Bed Song” by Amanda Palmer

Line: “They all sat in a semi-comfortable silence, the ghosts’ arms wrapped around his midsection, Adam’s lips in his hair while Barbara rested her cheek on his collarbone.”

Original lyric: “We have one filthy pillow to share and your lips are in my hair”

Used to be one of my favorite sad songs, but now I know the singer’s a piece of shit. I wanted to highlight the sweet intimacy of the scene.

- Chapter 9: “Dead Girls” by Penelope Scott

Line: “The living need attention too, Ash. It’s okay.”

Original lyrics: “And if all you ever see are dead girls, If all you hear is terrible news, Maybe it's not all about the dead girls, Maybe it's more about you, The living need attention too”

A very important song on Ash’s playlist. Can’t say too much more.

- Chapter 9: “you smell of dead flowers” by vslush, cover by Cliesel

Line: “(How could no one see it? He felt so happy, but still he felt pieces of him slowly dying and rotting away. How could no one see that he was rotten? That he was dying?)”

Original lyric: “Wanted to scream, wanted to shout, how did you not know?, How did you not realize I was rotten?”

- Chapter 9: “Yo, Girl” from “Heathers”

Line: “ “Hello, pet.” Time’s up.”

Original lyric: “Too late, he got in” … “Knock knock!”

Just a reference to a musical I love and also to highlight the dread Beej feels here!

- Chapter 9: “I’m Your Man” by Mitski

Line: “One day you'll figure me out, I'll meet judgment by the hounds” … “I’m sorry I was the one you loved.” … “People always gave me love, Others were never to blame after all”

Original lyric: (just the same thing!)

This song is. So many things to me. These lines are very literal for Beej at the time, but also. Auuuugh. Oh my god. So Beetlejuice core.

- Chapter 11: “Livin’ It Up On Top” from “Hadestown”

Line: “Is she living it up on top?”

Original lyric: “Where are we livin' it?, Livin' it up on top”

Just another “Hadestown” reference! :)

- Chapter 12: “Who Is She (Reprise)” / “Who Was She” from “Centaurworld”

Line: “What did they think of him, now that he was gone? What were they saying?”

Original lyric: “I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Rider. I'm sorry I left the way I did. If you knew what I was gonna do you would've tried to stop me. At least all of you are safe now. It's over. I wonder what you all must be thinking. What are you saying about me, now that I'm gone?”

Those songs heavily inspired these scenes, so I wanted to give them a little reference!

- Chapter 15: “The Bed Song” by Amanda Palmer

Line: “Beetlejuice just laid there, mostly paralyzed, staring up at the strange glowing shapes dotting his ceiling.”

Original lyric: “Now we're both mostly paralyzed, Don't know how long we've been lying here in fear, Too afraid to even feel”

Mostly meant to parallel how Beej is stuck in a place where he could easily get out with help. Like the ending of the song, “I would have told you, if you’d only asked me”

You Can Always Come Home

- “Army Dreamers in 29edo” by Deister Orchestra

Purely vibes. “Army Dreamers” isn’t really a Loopjuice song, more Corpsejuice. (Perhaps in LITPT tho)

- “L’amore dice Ciao (Main Titles) - Remastered” by Armando Trovajoli

Again, vibes. Gentle and happy and twinged with a little sadness.

- “Love Story” by The Newton Brothers

I won’t explain this because that would be spoiling “The Haunting of Bly Manor”, and I refuse to do that. If you know, you know.

- “You Can Always Come Home” by Toby Fox

Both for the title and the gentle, welcoming feeling the song gives.

- “In Our Bedroom After The War” by Stars

For all of the characters as a whole. I have a fun mental animatic for this one. About finally feeling like the “war” is over, and things are “beginning”.

- “Will You Remember?” by The Cranberries

A bit of a reminder about Beej going to forget everything, even his wedding and his beloved sister.

- “It’s You, It’s Me, It’s Us” by Reinaeiry

Again, “The Haunting of Bly Manor”.

- “Remember Me (Lullaby)” from “Coco”

Vibes once again. Also, because Beej and Lydia have to be apart from each other.

- “Pilvet liikkuu, minä en” by Yona

I don’t know any of the words to this song because I don’t speak the language, but the vibes fit Loopjuice so well. The last line translates to, “And I don’t wish anything else on my journey but, Happiness”. Oough.

- “Love Like You (feat. Rebecca Sugar)” from “Steven Universe”

C’mon.

- “Everything Stays (feat. Olivia Olson)” from “Adventure Time”

C’mon.

- “That Distant Shore (feat. Jennifer Paz)” from “Steven Universe”

C’MON! Sooooo loopjuice core, the lyrics are. Oh my god.

- “Strawberry Blond” by Mitski

Repeat for Beetlands reasons.

- “Pink in the Night” by Mitski

“I glow pink in the night in my room, I've been blossoming alone over you”. Need I say more?

- “Ready Now” by dodie

BEETLANDS. THE WORDS. THE GENTLE MUSIC. AHHH!! “You saw through me all this time, I'd forgotten people are kind, I was hurting and you knew, So you showed me what to do” … “You said "I will listen, tell me it all, You don't like the ending?, Then we'll find one that's yours", Oh, how did you know?, That's all we need?, A promise of hope, Is enough to feel free”

- “Samson” by Regina Spektor

Mostly for the sweet, loving tone. Also Beetlands as fuck.

#loopjuice #beetlejuice #time’s arrow #time is a flat circle #loopjuice extras #Jesus Christ the color coding took longer than writing the damn thing. oh my god #I can do also lonely remnants and the Cyrus playlist and the forever lost together playlist if wanted!#I can’t do a breakdown of Ash or Larry’s playlists or the LITPT playlist for spoiler reasons #I can share them but not explain them :)))#this took forever. I sleep now #whyyyy is it marked as mature. what the hell

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spyroz · 2 years ago

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i dont reblog those posts about how hard it is to have moralizing ocd in online spaces, even though i deeply resonate with them. ironically, i can only talk to 2 people about my ocd, because one of my obsessions is that other people will assume im using my mental health as a shield against criticism if i talk about it. therefore, if i talk about my ocd in any circumstance, my brain believes that i'm already doing something immoral

basically, most of my obsessions resolve around people assuming bad faith of me or that i'm somehow secretly an irredeemably bad person, no matter how hard i try to be good. i am a bad person if i dont reblog posts about serious topics, spend every waking moment thinking about extremely serious topics, or make any social mistakes whatsoever (which is scary because i'm also autistic). i believe that i am irredeemable if i make a small mistake, and i often think all my friends are waiting for me to make a mistake so that they can attack me, and that my life will be ruined if i fuck up. im constantly scanning all my interests (and people i know) for the tiniest imperfections (far beyond healthy amounts of criticism in your interests) out of fear that liking anything or anyone makes me a horrible person. if you dont take a side on this lgbt label discourse, then youre a bigot! im ALWAYS mentally preparing responses and apologies to totally theoretical situations of people being upset with me. i have intrusive thoughts about doing the immoral things that scare me most.

the problem is, *talking about* any of these thoughts invites people who will actually bad faith me. "if youre so worried about this stuff, then you must have something to hide! you just want to avoid accountability!" they make your obsession a reality by accusing you of the exact thing you fear most. none of these thoughts are reasonable or realistic, and i know that. i know that i'm mentally ill. i know logically that i'm as good a person as anyone else. when i actually do make a mistake, i stay level-headed and apologize, acknowledge what i did wrong, and change my behavior

but there is a large part of me that does not want to heal from my ocd, because i believe constant self-monitoring and self-critique is the only thing preventing me from becoming a horrible person

there is nothing i want more in this world than to be a good altruistic human being who is capable of growth, but spending weeks trapped in thought loops analyzing all my behaviors for the smallest signs of a mistake will not help me be a better person. it makes me a worse friend. it drains my energy so that i dont have the mental capacity to actually spend time being kind to others. i reread this post many times while writing it to make sure i didnt accidentally write 6 different slurs. but i can't figure out how to heal. what the fuck do i do about this

this is incredibly hard for me to write about. i'm fighting the urge to delete this post as you read it. i cant stress how debilitating this is for me, it is the biggest hurdle in my life and it sucks away days worth of my time and energy. i will become trapped in thought-loops THE SECOND im not kept sufficiently busy and stimulated by tv/music/my bf/being out of the house somewhere/etc. so much of my life is wasted wanting to be good, that i dont get a chance to actually live the life of a good person

i really hope this post resonates with someone. ive only met a few other people who have this particular kind of ocd, and its extremely isolating. but i want to try to heal from it, and i know the first step to healing is talking about it

#have you ever noticed how i'll add addendums in the tags of my posts where i'll clarify EXACTLY what the post was about?#i do that bc of my obsession that some1 will screenshot something i say out of context and make me look horrible #this is not just a Go Outside problem btw. i know a lot of the examples i gave were internet related #but ive had ocd since i was a child. the other half of my symptoms are health related #like obsessions about emetophobia. or food being contaminated or making me sick. or other physical illness #ppl assume ocd is just washing your hands and not wanting to be touched. naur. i wash my hands a normal amount and i love being touched #so i didnt believe i could have ocd for a long time cuz i didnt fit the stereotype. even though it was incredibly obvious and debilitating #amygdalae #ocd #actually ocd

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darkcacaocookieandfriends · 4 months ago

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So, I wrote all of this on discord buuuutt... since I haven't said anything about my Licorice muse I should post it here. This is also in regards to a redemption AU, so take that as bonus content So...uh, Licorice headcanons or maybe just how I generally see him plus redemption AU stuff. Apologies if they seem rambley and aimless. This is just a copy paste from my original posts. I was writing these as I was cooking so they may be scatter-brained.

Licorice has this weird middle ground and to me, his character is based a lot on the traits of being unsure of himself, projecting his pain as anger and being generally dealt a pretty shit hand in life and wanting to be accepted or even just recognized. Gonna explain my headcanons first so this makes sense.

At one time he wanted to be a wizard but 'never received the recognition he so rightfully deserved' whatever that means. It's real vague so I'm going to say he was either a really shitty wizard and got laughed at or he was never taken seriously and gave up trying to be better…maybe a combo of all of those things, so he turned to black magic.

Black magic in general is a very misunderstood thing and often demonized by cultures who only know it as 'voodoo and hexes/curses'. I feel like he probably shares a kindredship with it, feeling like a misunderstood person himself. I feel he probably takes comfort in it in that regard. It's something misunderstood and stigmatized by many, labeled as being inherently evil.

When he met Dark Enchantress it's said he was astonished by her power. When you think about it, DE was everything he longed to be - powerful enough to command armies, a confident force with the recognition of so many. Someone who could move mountains. Someone that could get him what he wanted - recognition and respect. Someone who fed his most basic desire - to be revered and confident.

In doing that, his desire for power slowly morphed into gaining praise from this enchantress he so admired, but never being able to please her. Thus, he'd work harder to gain the same results which fostered frustration and his many complaints masking how insecure and sad he actually is.

His lyrics in Bad and Dark as ZZ Skull back that up. Wrote a diary with my own tears, misery and disgrace (Sick of it, sick of it) Sir, are you okay?

In many aspects, Licorice and Choco Werehound Brute are two peas in a pod, bolstering themselves up to appear more foreboding than what they are. In many ways Licorice is stuck in a weird loop of being ambitious but never reaching his goal through the constant disapproval of Dark Enchantress, who probably knows if she gives him what he wants that he'll no longer see a use as being her servant and uses it to her advantage to keep him under her belt.

Why give him what he wants when she can foster his frustrations to make him work harder? To everyone else, it's obvious she doesn't value him too highly to send him to do menial tasks and not really trust him with anything too taxing. No doubt he sees that and it's why he harbors such negative feelings for people like Pomegranate and Dark Choco.

Looking at it objectively he's such a miserable person, really.

Which is why ultimately to have something close to a redemption would mean he'd have to lose everything yet again, which means prying him away from Dark Enchantress and taking the rose-tinted glasses off of his face to make him realize he was never anything to her and his only outcomes would be to be used as canon fodder or be crumbled without ever getting the one thing he so desperately wanted.

What goes in his favor is the fact that a redemption is possible to do, as Licorice is a pretty nice guy to people he sees as friends. But hoo boy he's going to be in such denial about it and probably have a breakdown. I mean, this is a guy who's dedicated everything just to be acknowledged. Having that all stripped away when it's essentially his only goal would result in a lot of things on his end - feeling like a fool, feeling betrayed, feeling destitute, like he has nothing. Who is he now? What goals does he even have to pursue? All he ever wanted was respect, and now he can't have that without his purpose, he's hollow. Sure, he's not being used anymore, but I don't think he'd see it as a positive thing. I feel he'd see it through the lens of another grand failure, another attempt at something that never happened. He sacrificed everything and got nothing. He reaps the consequences of becoming a bad guy, working for DE. Everything he's ever tried up to this point only resulted in his own despair and realization of worthlessness.

He seems like the kind of guy who'd wander around aimlessly instead of take the redemption path right away. Instead of trying to heal and realizing he's not a washed up has-been and has the capability of doing something productive.

But I think in a lot of ways, someone befriending him and trying to make him see how fucked up his situation is would be an interesting take on getting him a redemption, since he does care about cookies he befriends…but boyo the denial stage would be something fierce. Since it's all he has, I feel like he'd fight for that delusion.

I think he sorta goes through the stages of grief during the aftermath of this hypothetical situation..

he feels sad and betrayed and wonders what it was all for

2. he has no real direction for a while because he based his life around serving DE

3. he feels like he can't just sit around and do nothing and more than likely turns to the friends he has for suggestions and essentially asks 'what can I do to feel like I'm worth something again?'

4. finds he has avenues to do what he wants, he could be a wizard or continue the dark arts and use them to help his friends, maybe learn that he doesn't need to prove anything to anyone and that he has people who do genuinely find value in him, enough to get him away from DE. That those were the people who saw value in him - not for what he could do but for who he was.

I think that's an important thing for him to learn.

------ All of this was me ranting to a friend so...here take my Licorice headcanons. Enjoy them? I think.

#muse: licorice cookie #headcanons #out of the oven: ooc #licorice broke my discord #thanks licorice

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saikolikes · 2 years ago

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Aki’s P5R fanfic recs! (part 2)

Hi and welcome to another one of my recs posts! As you can see, this is part two: part one of this post can be found HERE and includes fics I bookmarked between April 2019 and December 2020. This second post will deal with everything I bookmarked during 2021 and 2022 (... so yes, part 3 is bound to happen some times in the future)

Here a brief disclaimer:

Everything in here is spoiler for either P5 vanilla, Royal, or Strikers;

I won’t report the tags, as it would take too long, so if you’re interested in a fic, please open the link;

Fic recs obviously reflect my tastes and preferences. For example, I love suffering and I don’t like fluff or domestic works, so browse this list knowing that;

The stark majority of the works here is shuakeshu

If you want more recs you can find them in my bookmarks, most of them are public!

MY ONGOING RECS Again, I don't read a lot of ongoing works (although, admittedly more than in the past) and these are the ones I'm subscribed to that I'm adoring!

The Lovers, Reversed by salexectria, Terra5 (E) | Royalty a/b/o AU | akeshu | series in three parts, ongoing "A Thief is caught stealing from the Northern King, and is sentenced to death for his crimes. The Alpha Prince intervenes, but at what cost to them both?" What I love about this AU is the amount of politics and worldbuilding put into it, as well as the uniqueness of double povs who constantly switch from Akira to Goro creating one back and forth that acts literally like poking into their minds. Plus the slow burn and the pining are just on point.

never die when I'm dead by threerings (E) | Royal & post-Royal | akeshu | series in 2 parts, ongoing Two one shots featuring one of my absolute flavors of this ship: sad, intense and unhinged

IDC FOR UPDATES I resolved to defeat my abandoned-wip trauma one excellent fic at a time so here's a list of works that haven't been updated in a while or the author straight up confirmed they won't keep writing them, but they are so good you just have to read them and let them remodel you. Do it. Do it now.

the year of the knife by theexistentiallyqueer (M) | No powers AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "The plan for Akira's junior year of high school was to keep his head down and his nose clean, but he hadn't counted on his new high school having more trouble than it was worth--and he specifically didn't plan on Akechi Goro, the haughty, machiavellian vice president of Shujin Academy's student council, dragging him face-first into political scandal and a series of encounters that would change his life." Please let teq bring you through a journey of spot-on characterization and stunning prose that will rewire your brain chemistry completely. Their take on machiavellian Akechi is really good, and the snark Akira spits in this fic is really something I cherish.

kiss & cry by MajorGodComplex (T) | Figure skating AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "Goro’s first thought when he hits the ground is some combination of the words ‘shit fuck hell fucking bullshit bitch fuck motherfucking hell.’ His next thought is wondering whether Akira Kurusu, senior debut, constant thorn in Goro’s side, and the only person anyone this season seems to talk about, is also trying to land a quad axel at the moment." I don't know what to tell you, the prose of this one is so witty and funny you just have to read what's published of it as of now!

honeybrains by succubused (T) | Time loop | shuakeshu | 4 chapters "a chronicle of the twenty-fourth time akira kurusu lived through the month of january 2017" What can I say, I am really a sucker for time loops and this fic took me by the heart. Tagged as character study and with rights because the characterization here is very interesting!

in the snow globe by aminami (E) | Time travel | shuake | 1 chapter "It’s your heart,” Joker says like it’s the most obvious thing. “Your desires, your hopes, your fears. I’ll carry them with me always. My little snow globe." This fic will hurt you so badly but it will be so worth it, I swear. It's just so melancholic and tender and angsty and it carved a place in my heart.

my love has never lived indoors by rhodophytae (E) | a/b/o | shuake | 1 chapter "Ren Amamiya knows he's an alpha, and he's comfortable with that, but he's pretty sure that being an alpha is, well...different for him than it is for other people. He resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that he'd probably go his whole life without finding anyone else like him. And then he meets Goro Akechi." This fic has such an interesting take on omegaverse! Paired with a stellar characterization and delicious pining, it's no surprise it's a fic I will never forget.

GENERAL RECS The fics I’ve enjoyed the most and that I go back to reading sometimes.

how joker and crow survived the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 by shntlvs (T) | Royal | shuakeshu | series of 2 works "Escaping from Maruki's false reality gets interrupted by the Coronavirus pandemic." Could you have ever imagined reading a fic centered around the pandemic? Me neither, but this one and its sequel work so well and have very compelling bits of characterization for the boys. Unexpected premise, but I utterly loved it.

straw house, straw dog by caelam (T) | 3rd sem | gen | one shot "In the saccharine utopia of Maruki’s reality, Goro Akechi’s mother is still alive." I admittedly don't read too many fics with mamakechi so I won't claim to be an expert, but this one really left me impressed with how clear and tangible the tangle of feelings is.

Knight of Pentacles, King of Spades by Naometry (M) | Medieval AU | shuakeshu | 11 chapters "“Hifumi passed on your greetings,” Akira Kurusu says, fury simmering beneath his conversational tone. “And I’m polite enough to give you my own in person. So greetings, General Goro Akechi. I am the man who will kill you.”" I started reading this fic for the war captive trope but this story has so much more to it than just that. Nao's superb skill with writing violence and viciousness will have you thrust into a cruel world where two boys seem to be bound to kill each other... unless?

Ripples by Riona (T) | gen | canon compliant | one shot "Ten people know exactly who the news is talking about, and now they’re going to have to deal with that." A peek into the heads of 10 of Joker's confidants upon learning about his death. The fic I would never imagined myself reading, but I did because it was recced to me, and now I'm recc'ing it to you, too.

When Your Eyes Meet Mine by seths_dream (E) | no powers AU | shuake | one shot "The way the bellboy lingered on him made his heart jolt, made him think that maybe, maybe the bellboy was looking at Goro the same way Goro was looking at him." I've lost count of how many times I read this fic because the horny is just so juicy, it's unironically one of the fics I come back to when I need to remind myself how to write horny stuff. (the same author also wrote this delicious pegoryu that you have to read)

a study in what not to say by succubused (T) | 3rd sem | shuake | one shot "Akira has finally had enough of Akechi's bullshit; they resolve it the only ways they know how." If you like the boys being really nasty to each other, this fic is a must. It has excellent dialogue, dynamics, and a tad of homoerotic wound tending which can't hurt no one!

MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITES The fics that rewired my brain chemistry, took my heart out, slapped it, put it back, and left me a whole new person.

27 steps to seduce a crow by relationshipcrimes (G) | Royal | shuakeshu | one shot "A handy bullet-pointed list on how to flirt with, seduce, and keep your local Akechi Goro." Still to this day, I think of this fic in terms of Goro's characterization. If I have a thing for post-canon shuake chasing each other, it's probably due to this one.

The Brigverse by TzviaAriella (E but most works are M) | Pirates AU | akeshuake | series, ongoing I admittedly don't care that much about pirates but the og fic from this series (A Brig Too Far) was being passed on so much that I gave it a try and. Oh boy. Not only is the characterization impeccable, the story compelling, and the action thrilling, but at least one scene and/or line from each work in this series has altered my brain permanently. I am a new person after reading Brigverse.

wild and free by bangandawhimper (E) | a/b/o | shuakeshu | one shot "Akira Kurusu hasn’t always been an omega. But now everyone he meets in this city assumes he’s an omega. He’s treated like an omega. He feels like an omega. He knows he feels like an omega because he remembers what it was to be an alpha." This work might have my favourite take ever on shuakeshu omegaverse, it's so fitting for them, so thought out, and the characterization is so on point... my god. Read this fic now.

The Diamond Chest by kinneas (E) | post-Royal | shuakeshu | 3 chapters, complete "Who says you have to see Morgana speak in the Metaverse before you can hear him in the real world? Not the few hundred officers who arrested Ren in Sae’s Palace two years ago, that’s for sure." Honestly everything kinnes writes is gold but I'm shouting this fic out because I reread more than a few scenes from this fic more than once, and it's a 100k-words baby. I am a sucker for heist stories, I am a sucker for dealing with trauma in very tangible ways, and I'm a sucker for kinneas' characterization of the boys.

before midnight by specterthief (Not rated) | 3rd sem, canon compliant | gen | one shot "“I—” Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Sumire sets down her chopsticks and rubs her face with both hands. “Um—who told you I was going to training camp?” (On January 9th, Sumire goes home.)" This is the stellar Sumire characterization fic you're looking for. Read this. Read this right now.

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AWAKEN SOMETHING IN ME (DELUSIONAL) I clicked on these fics solely due to my trust in the authors/the summary/one rec and now I find myself with a new kink. Thanks.

Containment Breach by salexectria (E) | Space pirates AU | akeshu | one shot Akira gets stranded on an abandoned spaceship seemingly infested by a terrifying creature. He finds the lonely survivor of the crew and they begrudgingly start to work together to contact help and survive. I am just going to say that I clicked for salex's name, I stayed for the stellar characterization, pining and top-tier bantering, and got overwhelmed by the tentacle sex. (/pos)

it takes two by lumensd (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | two-shots By all means, this series has some things I usually am not interested in (phone sex, degradation) but Jay is so skilled and his akeshus are so fucked in the head that now I've signed up for the masochist Joker agenda. Hurray!

i dream of you draped in wires by rime (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | one shot "Maruki's Shadows don't want to fight; they just want to collect data. Wait, are those cat ears?" You would think a work with the tag "catboy shibari gunplay fuckordie" can't be too serious. Wrong! Excellent character study attack 🔪🔪🔪 (from the same author there's also this P5 vanilla fic that is excellent)

Darken my doorway by EnlacingLines (E) | 3rd sem-post canon | akeshu | one shot ""I don’t need to test my theory. You should be thanking me, really. Opening this door for you.” “A door to what?” Akira says, exasperated by just how self congratulatory Goro still sounds.“ Submission.” Or: I am a firm switch shuake shipper, I don't vibe with too-extreme dynamics *proceeds to go ballistics over this fic regardless*, *awakens to the wonder of d/s a lil fucked up dynamics*

#persona 5 #persona 5 royal #p5 #p5r #p5 spoilers #p5r spoilers #shuake #akeshu #shuakeshu #akeshuake #fanfiction recommendation #fanfic #p5r fanfiction #p5 fic rec #fic rec #fic reccomendations #p5r fic rec

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salempie · 1 year ago

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Hi! Thank you so much for the feedback about my Elka art! I really appreciate it. And now the question : What would Elka's mental world look like? I was wondering what you could suggest about this. It always seemed to me that the symbol of her world would be a mirror

Well actually my boyfriend and I had an idea for Elka's brain world we called "Elka's Ever-after!" I need to write down some big document for all the ideas we had about it but for now [should put a tw for like, idk, I think Elka would be an alcoholic as an adult. Theres a vague reference to that here? I mean Bobs Bottles exists so--]

It was a little 50s sitcom-type world, all in black-and-white and such, complete with it's own laugh track! Mostly it would be a representation of the "perfect" life she had always wanted for herself (the one she had pictured in all her years chasing after Nils and their predestined relationship (that as a child she conveniently ignored meant it was doomed to fail)), all with its own dandy Nils stand in, "The Husband," and their two darling regret children. The "plot" of the brain world (in the sense that, if someone were to go into it the "goal" of the world in order to "fix her issues") would be to disrupt this, although perfect, entirely fabricated life Elka, or rather "The Housewife," had made for herself.

The Housewife is stuck in a miserable marriage she pretends is perfect, but the signs are there. The cigarettes, the empty bottles, the constant misfortune written on the calendar on the fridge, the non-stop bad news on the television and the radio and the newspapers. It's obvious things are bad. But Elka is too proud, and far more than that, too resigned to what she sees as her predestined fate to even attempt to change anything. So she just tries to make sure everyone else thinks it's all as perfect as she always told them it would be, even in her own brain world.

She cant change the miserable future her visions showed to her, so why bother even trying? She feels helpless. Her visions are more in control of her own life than she is. There's a lot that I'm skipping for the sake of not rambling on and on, but the end of her world, I think, would be set in her childhood home (rather than the "perfect" home The Housewife lives in.) A little child Elka sitting in the dark of her living room in front of her TV, playing her first vision on loop. The start of all her issues, the beginning of the end of any control she felt over her life. It's mentioned she has a vision of a puppy getting run over in the Li-Po doc and I take that as being one of if not her first vision, so of course she's upset. Giving her the remote to the TV would be symbolically showing her that she is in control, that she doesn't have to just do whatever her visions say, that she has a choice in her life, that she doesn't have to just watch it all happen.

Heart! I could go a LOT into the intricacies of how it all plays out (and I will if you'd like but it would just be a written play-by-play of how I think going through the world would be (complete with bossfights!) from the perspective of Kitty and Franke since they're the ones going through her mind in my and my boyfriends Au!), with all the symbolism and whatnot, but this answer is already long enough.

All in all I have thought about this a lot (,'. Though I do think mirrors could really be a big thing for her. A lot of her issues, including not feeling in control, I also think would stem from her mother treating her precognition as a parlor trick. I think she would see a lot of her mother in herself (and father too for that matter. I figure Barney is the one who cheated (though mostly because of Mable's unhealthy obsession with bad predictions, not that that is an excuse) and I also figure he and Elka were close due to them both being psychics and having their unique precognition. So him leaving would put a lot of strain on her.) and hate that, so mirrors could be a fantastic symbol of that.

#elka doom #psychonauts #be nice #how-good-day #WAHOO I LOVE GETTING ELKER ASKS #she is such a complex beast in my mind #I can see it so clearly #Hitting her with the divorced parents/helplessness complex/BPD combo #Also obviously all of this is overdramatized #In an actually realistic depiction I think the most Doublefine would do is make her some miserable woman who hates her husband #And that's fine too I just love thinking way too much into the lives of these little freaks #I mean could you imagine? Having the ability to see the future expect everything you see is always bad and you can't even control it #That sounds absolutely torturous

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omgpoindexter · 2 years ago

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any nurseydex fics on ur mind lately? I find myself thinking about them more lately but seem to have read everything for them!

to be honest i’ve not been reading too many new fics lately, i’ve mainly been writing. hopefully some of my own fics will be out there and on your mind early next year!

but here’s some from the amazing folks on this here site that stay on my mind. most of them aren’t new, i’m not very good at keeping up to date, but hopefully there’s something new for you here that you’ll love!

under the cut because this got long <3

a comprehensive guide to not talking about it by @alocalband

Nursey tried to kiss him.

Derek Nurse tried to kiss him.

The more Dex thinks about it, the more absolutely ridiculous it sounds.

one of my favourite fics of all time. just perfect. read anything by them actually, they’re all brilliant! this one though, i revisit it so often i could recite it by now.

to be alone with you also by alocalband

Will and Derek spend their junior year learning how to live together, learning how to be friends, and, eventually, figuring out that they'd like to be more.

im not going to list all of their fics (even though i could) but this one needs listing. always on my mind.

marie, hold on tight (and down we went) by @petedavidsonscock

Nursey says, “I’m melancholic as fuck right now, bros.”

Chowder opens his mouth to prompt him to continue, but Dex elbows him and mutters, “Don’t encourage him.”

short but so, so sweet. they’re best friends!!! also poor chowder. his endless over it-ness is one of my favourite nurseydex tropes

counting stars (what we could be) also by petedavidsonscock

Nursey has spent the last four years pretending to believe in astrology to annoy Dex. But with graduation coming up, the bit has to come to an end. Luckily, Dex is probably going to take the news in a really chill, normal, casual way.

this made me laugh out loud. nursey would totally do this and it would absolutely play out in this exact way. hilarious

in front of the same bathroom mirror by @geniusorinsanity

It's not surprising that sharing a room changes things, but neither of them expect the most important conversations in their strange, awkward friendship to happen in their shared bathroom.

(Or: five conversations Dex and Nursey have in a shared bathroom, and one in bed.)

UGH! just something about nursey and dex learning to live alongside each other and talking about the important things and being BEST FRIENDS. and kissing. obviously. this is another fic i reread every month or so

too much (extra) by @denois / @sexydexynurse

Dex nodded, not moving his gaze from the path in front of them. "Well, if there's anything I can do to help, I've got your back."

Snorting, Nursey's mouth let out the first words he thought without his permission. "Not much you can do unless you're going to date me."

i was smiling all the way through this and so i think more people need to read it. it’s super cute. dex wooing nursey is honestly one of my fave things because he deserves it!!!!

kiss my chapped lips and call me yours by @omgdexnursey

Dex prefers things that are easy, simple, and straightforward.

Nursey is none of those things.

angst warning, but also CUTE WARNING. this is a really sweet story. because nursey is SO MUCH and dex doesn’t get it until he does. but them learning to take care of each other and being soft… i need a minute

i’m sinking fast (it’s alright)

Dex blinks up at the ceiling a few times, trying to reckon with himself and the constant loop of what are we doing what are we doing what are we doing spinning through his dehydrated brain.

When he turns his head, Nursey's already dozing off. Dex sighs, gazing back up at the ceiling, puzzled by the warm press of Nursey’s leg against his, the very insistence of them sharing a bed.

Friends don’t do this, he thinks.

the character development in this is just. i love it. the journey through the seasons, the passage of time… gorgeous

i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm by @jennybeantime

It's senior year and No, Dex is Not attracted to Nursey and No, he is Not going to do anything about it.

use a taylor song as your fic title and you’ve got me. obsessed with how soppy and cute this story is. obsessed with dex having absolutely zero self control. obsessed!!!!

can’t hide from you like i hide from myself by @andtimestoodstill

In which Dex has only applied to jobs in cities that Nursey has applied to grad schools in. They are Not Together.

oh gosh, their banter and interactions in this are so charming, chowder and the others included. even the arguing (there’s arguing!! angst warning!!!). i really enjoyed this, i never read much later fic but this is a great example. adorable

#edit added another good’un!#i hope at least one of these is new for you!!!!!#i need to get better at reading recent nurseydex fics i always just go back to my old faithfuls #new years resolution read more !#nurseydex #answers #anon #omgcp #fic rec

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diacetyldemon · 2 years ago

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Touch from the Dark

Rating: E (18+)

Yandere!Sephiroth/Reader

Words: 3,279

Description: Nothing in your life matters besides submission, and Sephiroth wants nothing more than for you to find your true place in life and eternally submit to him. The small piece of your mind that's left won't let it happen, but it's not clear if that small piece will last.

AO3 link

this could be viewed as a sequel to my other fic, but i didn't write it with that in mind. i'll admit, i went a little crazy with this one. there's a lot of abuse, mindbreak, and non-con in this so you've been warned!

You don't have anything now, not even your thoughts.

This realization - this particular thought - isn't exactly a new one. You'd known it for so very long by this point, long after you've lost count of the days or the time or anything because nothing in your life matters anymore except submission. Nothing else matters.

It's something you've come to terms with, but for some odd reason, this time it feels especially brutal. The condemnation to a life of agony with a truly monstrous man was a bitter pill, but you swallowed it, the complete lack of agency. This time, however, the thought cuts like a wire through your brain, a shock to the system unreplicated since your initial capture.

Something deeper unsettles you - it comes to you as a vision of the future. The future feels vague, and fuzzy, almost like a far-away city. All it contains is you, and nothing. You've become nothing, no personality at all, a completely blank slate in the future, no thoughts or ideas or any original action, just an eternal cycle of yes-sir-of-course-sir, casually looping on, never changing, never stopping, never faltering. It makes you feel sick, in a way the whole situation hasn't before, like the disgust and fear and desire are rotting inside you, tainting everything else hour by hour. You try to squeeze the vision, the concept, out of your mind.

The thought came to you at the feet of Sephiroth. He was kicking you in the stomach.

You run your fingers over the deep bruises, flinching at the touch. It's not clear why you keep touching the wounds, but it makes you feel more real. (What is "real"? You don't know anymore.) A particularly tender spot makes a jolt of pain rush through you that’s so sharp you suspect he’s accidentally cracked a rib, and it doesn’t surprise you. It’s happened before.

There’s no point in trying to relax since you know it’s impossible. Since day one in this Godforsaken compound, you couldn’t relax, and that was likely the point. Over time, you’ve learned that if Sephiroth is anything, it’s calculating. Every square inch of the compound - the blankness of the walls, the lack of windows, the lack of clocks, the constant cold - is to help weaken you, break you down into what he wants you to be. His perfect little pet at the perfect little position - at his feet.

For a brief moment, there’s the echo of footsteps and you immediately straighten up, completely at attention. It’s funny, the little ways your brain has been trained to respond perfectly yet unconsciously. It was not an easy shift; at first, there was fight, at first there was soul, but now you’ve become insipid. Maybe that’s what you wanted this whole time. After so much pain and agony after breaking the rules, you realized you needed to wave the white flag, at least in most ways - you still had a little piece of yourself, seldom-seen, but still there.

However, over time, you can’t help like the little bit left is fading. Sometimes, entirely at random, you feel good about your situation. They’re so brief and fleeting yet intractably devastating, the idea that eternal submission is a great deal, that you love Sephiroth and everything he gave you. Yet they keep coming, and each time you get more and more concerned, wanting to punish yourself a thousand times over. You’ve lost your mind - in more ways than one.

Later in the day? Night? Sephiroth comes to you, again, as icy and mysterious as ever. He approaches you in your room, a small blank space with a (surprisingly comfy yet so incredibly cold) bed and not much else. There you sit, dumbly, and he doesn’t say anything; after looking at you for a few stomach-churning moments he reaches a hand up and strokes your hair, rather delicately. Initially, you attempted to avoid his gaze, but you quickly corrected yourself. Such a basic rule couldn’t be violated at this point, or he might actually make you pay the ultimate price. Then again, you’d deserve it.

He still hasn’t said anything, instead traveling his fingers down your jawline, trailing across your neck. After another moment of staring, and then he sits next to you and grabs you in a tangle of limbs to sit on his lap. Pain from your core immediately shoots through you, exceptionally sharp, and all you can do is whimper at the sensation and you notice the self-satisfied expression on his face. After the initial wave of pain, you relax, leaning against his toned chest, trying to breathe deeply enough to help cope with the stinging. He starts stroking your hair, again, and you suddenly feel very, very tired and extremely elated and satisfied. It’s hard to hide the weariness on your face, although you always looked weary so it’s not like much changed.

However, since Sephiroth seemingly knows you better than you know yourself, he seems to be able to tell the difference between actual tiredness and the general exhaustion that plagues your whole being. “Go to sleep”, he says, more a command than any sort of suggestion, but you obey; the tiredness in your body wouldn’t have allowed you to stay up anyway.

In the early phases of sleep, you feel your body being moved, clothes being methodically taken off, but you don’t even respond to it. It’s not even really on your radar anymore, so you simply plunge more deeply into dreamless sleep.

All you can do with your free time is wander the halls of the compound, counting steps and walls and the few pieces of furniture that you were allowed to have. You’ve read the few books here 15 separate times, it seems, so there’s not much else to do with your life. The true purpose of your life was right in front of you but you kept denying it. The cherry on top of the cruelty and sadness of your life was the simple fact that it had become nothing more than a waiting game - waiting for your master Sephiroth to arrive, whenever he did, and inflict whatever he saw fit upon you. It was a gamble, all day every day, and when he arrived this time, you wondered if you were gonna get lucky, but you knew you probably were going to lose.

He walks up behind you, slowly, and places his hands on your shoulders, and you flinch. It felt like you couldn’t compose yourself well, today. Tonight. Seemingly ignoring your mistake and leaning in closer, his voice suddenly seems thinner than usual, like a shadow of a whisper. “You’re almost there.”

“What?” Your voice is so quiet that you wondered if you even said anything.

He grabs your forearm, tightly enough to bruise. “Do not make me repeat myself,” he replies, the darkness immediately back in his tone. Your voice catches in your throat instead of being able to respond, and the punishment is swift; a sharp slap across the face, stinging brutally. In other words, you got what you deserved.

“I’m sorry,” is all you can squeak out. He lets go of you, and you stumble and fall suddenly, seemingly off balance. He begins to walk away, stopping only once to glance at you, in a sickeningly-familiar look of disgust, yet also affection - both affection out of pity, and a genuine, sick, disgusting, amazing love for you. Will you ever be able to return it?

“How pathetic.”

You, being the silly, sad, precious little thing you were, had to push the limits. You made a mistake. It was a serious mistake, and you knew it at the time but at the same time something had possessed you and you couldn’t stop it, it was like a forest fire, wildly out of control, completely consuming until there was nothing left -

“Just what were you thinking?” Sephiroth’s grasp on your hair is so tight, he practically picks you up off the ground. “I do all these things out of love, and this is how you repay me?”

“I - I -”

He drags you by the hair a few feet over, causing you to cry out in pain - he’s strong enough to rip the hair out of your head. He pulls out his sword, endlessly long and sharp, and holds it against your throat, just grazing the edge on your skin. “I thought you knew better than trying to leave me.”

You hiccup with sobs, again. The words won’t even come out of your mouth despite your best efforts, only coming out as an incoherent, sloppy mess of tears. The sword is still at your throat. “Perhaps I should break your legs,” he says, casually. All you can do is whimper in response, trying to plead with your eyes, although you knew it couldn’t outdo the sheer hatred in his.

He pulls the sword away from your throat, but quickly settles for a solid slash against your arm, making you squeal in pain and blood to pour down your arm. You think it’s deep enough for stitches - all the cuts you’ve gotten make you have a solid sense for these things. Redirecting his efforts, he slices through your clothes and gives you plenty of little cuts in the process, and you’re reduced to gasps, trying to get air through your abused lungs.

Wordlessly, he picks you up - all your wounds, and you scream in protest - and slings you over his shoulder like it’s nothing (it is nothing) and you love being nothing. He carries you over to your bed and roughly throws you down on it, making you writhe in pain, blood still leaking from your arm onto your bedsheets, tears freely flowing from your eyes. No sounds are in the room besides your desperate sounds of struggle.

He approaches the head of the bed briefly, wiping away your tears. “Poor thing,” he cooed, condescension dripping from each word. “Too stupid for your own good.” You offer a wheeze in response, and he slaps you so hard you swear you can feel it in your neck.

“I-I’m hic sorry!”

“You’re not,” he snaps back, wrapping his hand around your throat so tightly you begin to struggle for breath. “Don’t worry, darling, you will be.” You cannot wait.

He takes his jacket off, but not his pants (probably to make you feel more vulnerable in the nude), and grabs some ropes, beginning to tie you to the bedposts with ease. It’s hard not to struggle in response to the sheer pain, screaming louder than ever and the material of the rope seems to gnaw right through your skin. Blood is still leaking from your wound.

Admiring his handiwork for a moment, he brushes a strand of hair from your face, in a way that is far too delicate for the situation. “You’re perfect like this,” he murmurs, and you’re positively elated that you’re perfect for him notices the blood on your arm, trickling down all over it and soiling the sheets. He leans down and licks a bit off, making your wound stab you and making you whimper meekly. Before standing back up, he gets close to your ear and gives you a simple instruction.

“Embrace the feeling.”

You’re thinking you might know what he means.

Of course, since this is a punishment that you deserve, he quickly begins running his hands over your body, intentionally putting pressure on your most sensitive wounds, particularly the potentially cracked rib, making you scream and making him smile smugly. “We haven’t even started yet, and you’re screaming already.” The words put the fear of God and a deep excitement in you.

He retreats from your tear-blurred vision for a moment but quickly comes back with a flogger. You’re almost sick at the sight, knowing full well what’s coming already. Sensing the fear in you, he smiles, prideful and disgusting and beautiful. “I’m teaching you your place. I think you know it already”, he adds, and something stirs inside you. It’s not clear what.

He whips you, hard. You can’t help but scream and writhe in agony as he hits you hard enough to leave welts, and it feels like he’s practically ripping your skin apart. Not too long after the beginning, you lose the will to scream and are reduced to pathetic mumbling and sobbing, feeling the pain intensify over and over and over. It’s like he’s trying to kill you with pain alone, and maybe you’re willing to die.

Bordering on unconsciousness, the something inside you that was stirred is still kicking, deep inside you, and you’re almost as worried about what it is as the situation at hand. It’s strangely sick yet soothing, and you’re almost longing for it, even though you don’t know what it is, you seem to want it but also not want it and it’s all too confusing and you just want all of it to be over. But deep down, you don’t.

Suddenly, you are awoken out of your dream-state by another harsh slap to the face. “Pay attention”, he commands, anger clear in his voice, and punctuated with another slap for good measure. There’s a seemingly endless amount of red marks on your stomach on top of your wounds, stinging and making your heart beat faster than ever before, feeling like you may actually die this time, but you don’t want to. And you’re not sure why you don’t.

Staring blankly, you watch him reach down and pull his cock out in all its glory. It’s hard not to stare at his body for a moment - the almighty Sephiroth, so much power, so much strength…

He approaches the head of the bed and grabs a solid fistful of your hair with one hand, using the other to slap his cock against your face a few times. Instinctively, you try to shy away, but the hand in your hair guarantees that won’t happen. It’s another indignity in a series of indignities, and yet, it felt different than anything that he had done before.

“Open,” he commands, and you obey. All hell breaks loose as he immediately slams his cock down your throat, making you gag and tears well up in your eyes. He keeps your head nice and steady as he fucks your throat, seemingly trying to ram himself as deep as he could get. Violently, you gag and sputter, too distracted by the relentless assault on your throat to do anything to give him any sort of satisfaction. Still blocked by the last barrier in your mouth, he growls in frustration.

Pulling his cock out of your mouth and giving you a few more good cock slaps - getting even more spittle and saliva all over your face - he makes a second attempt. “Come on,” he says, voice unusually husky as he plunges into your mouth again. “Take it.”

Relaxing your throat as best as you can, he finally pushes past, causing you to essentially choke on his cock, and he leaves it in so you can thrash about for a few moments before withdrawing. Coughing violently, you writhe in pain, not only in your throat and body but also mentally. You felt as if you could almost reach out and touch it, this invisible thing you wanted oh so badly.

In the moments after his withdrawal, where you caught your breath and fought with your both physical-and-psychic pain, he was looking you up and down, admiring the sad mess you were.

“How disgusting.”

He reaches aside and pulls out a towel, roughly rubbing it against your face, to get most of the mess off of you, but not all of it, and it doesn’t make you feel much better about anything.

“Open,” he commands again, and you immediately comply for him to spit in your mouth. “There,” he says, stroking your hair. “Since you seem to like it so much.” The action didn’t sicken you as much as your immediate compliance did. The immediate compliance didn’t sicken you as much as the brief jolt of pleasure that came with obedience. What was happening to you?

In the back of your mind, you knew Sephiroth could feel the internal battle inside of you, but he gleefully let it rage on in favor of untying your legs, stroking them a couple of times, a strangely tender action in a moment like this.

“You’re right there,” he says huskily as his hands go up and down your legs. “All you need to do is embrace it.” Without much else preamble, he rams his cock inside of you, causing your eyes to roll back at the white-hot sensation of pain, mixed with pleasure. It was so much, everything everywhere all at one moment, and it makes you disgusted, but you love it. The combination seemed so strangely intoxicating, in a way you couldn’t put your finger on but all you knew is it made you feel good.

“So wet for me already,” he chuckles, running his hands across your body, triggering quiet protests from your wounds. As soon as he starts moving, his pace is fast and ruthless, slamming into you so hard that the pain in your wounds scream out and you’re reduced to mumbling as he scrapes the edges of your cunt. The lewd, wet sounds fill the room, but everything seems so strangely out of focus…

A jolt of pleasure goes up your spine as he reaches down to rub your clit, making you feel even more overwhelmed yet deeply satisfied as if you’ve sated some deep need. There’s a sudden wave of euphoria flowing over you, and you realize Sephiroth is doing you a favor, giving you the greatest gift of all - the position at his feet.

After that single thought, you cum, clamping down on him, genuine moans of pleasure leaving your throat for the first time in forever. He doesn’t slow down, ramming into you for another solid, sweaty minute while overstimulation begins to kick in and make you squirm before cumming inside you, completely flooding your cunt.

He pulls out, watching cum ooze out of your abused hole with complete satisfaction. You lay in front of him, completely exposed, twitching and bruised and beaten but satisfied - almost perfection in his eyes. You weren’t perfect, not quite yet, but you had made major strides. It seemed it was all beginning to take, and he couldn’t have been more overjoyed.

However, much like all his internal mechanisms, Sephiroth doesn’t express anything. He stands up and dresses himself, leaving you tied to the bed overnight. Yet before he leaves, he pulls you in for a deep kiss, tongue plunging into your mouth and you replied eagerly, suddenly unable to get enough of him.

Once you’re untied - seemingly in your sleep, since you don’t ever recall seeing him - you’re completely at peace. It dawned on you that what you wanted, what you needed, had been there all along. Once you finally got your strength back to walk (took a couple of days, but you needed the lesson), you strode around the compound still feeling empty, but not for a lack of freedom. It was a lack of Sephiroth. In fact, you had realized you had achieved complete freedom in slavery, nothing else mattering in your world except submission.

Even through all the agony and abuse and pain, your loyalty could never falter. He loved you even when you were a bloody mess on the floor, having to pay the price for your transgressions. He loved you through all your weakness and whininess and insubordination. You weren’t perfect, not yet, but you were determined to be, all for him. You loved Sephiroth.

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #sephiroth/reader #sephiroth #yandere sephiroth #my writing #yandere #the era of sephirothposting is back

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