#very glad and grateful for everything I learned from it!

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 4, day 13

Anyone remember this animation I was working on? Decided to poke at it a bit more

Anyway I may decide to scrap this and leave it to forever languish in the incomplete pile. Mostly because ProCreate Dreams, despite my excitement for it when it was announced, it a butt to work with and I'm not really having fun with it

Still proud of Clere in his pot tho :3

[ryker-writes]

Well, here we are! After my head cannons about giving them a rock, and it might be some way to propose to fae, I’m here to deliver!

Request rules and Masterlists

Accidentally proposing by giving him a rock (Malleus)

Being friends with fae is confusing sometimes. Of course, they’re great! But their culture is new to you, and you’re trying to learn. Of course there’s bound to be misunderstandings and mistakes every so often! It’s part of the learning process.

Well, this is probably the biggest misunderstanding that could’ve possibly happened.

You’d simply wanted to give Malleus a gift to help express how much you care about him. So when you found this nice smooth black rock with specks of gray and green, you thought it was perfect for him. Who doesn’t love rocks anyway? From what you’ve learned about fae, they’re very in tune and connected to nature. So surely Malleus would appreciate the rock!

So when you see him next, you told him had a gift for him. But when you held the rock out to him, he was…stunned to say the least. The ever so calm Malleus Draconia had wide eyes when he saw it, and he’d gone completely stiff and silent. In hindsight, that definitely should’ve told you something was wrong. But at the time, you naively thought he was just stunned you gave him a gift. You were well aware he hasn’t gotten to experience friendships like the average person first most of his life. So it made sense why he’d be surprised when you gave him a gift. He’s not used to receiving gifts.

“Child of man…do you truly mean this?”

You’d smiled at him, and nodded, “Of course. I wanted to give you something to show I care and how much I appreciate you. This rock reminded me of you with the spots of green on the black.”

Just like that, the biggest smile grew on his face. One of his hands moved and gently held onto the bottom of your own hand that held out the rock, and the other carefully picked it up. He held the stone close to his chest, and looked down at you with such softness.

“Words cannot properly express how grateful I am to receive such a gift from you. I am delighted to accept this treasure. Rest assured, I will keep it safe and make the proper preparations for everything.”

It was hard to question what he meant when he said he’d make preparations when he looked so happy and held onto the rock like it’s sacred. He probably meant that he’d set something up to protect the rock, like a place for it to sit on display or something. Yeah, that seems like something he’d do.

You thought it was odd when Sebek was at the door to Ramshackle the next morning. He seemed rather upset, and he woke Grim up with his shouting, but he insisted that it was his duty to stick around. In your freshly woken up state, you didn’t quite process everything he’d said. Something about the audacity of humans, how Malleus is so humble and kind, and that regardless he would fulfill his duty to Malleus at all costs. But all that was pretty normal talk for Sebek.

It was a lot easier to let Sebek just escort you to your first class than to try and argue about being able to get there on your own. It was a lot quieter after he left to go to his own classes. Grim actually fell asleep during class, claiming that he woke up too early from Sebek’s yelling.

Around lunch time, Lilia had stopped by your table (Scaring Ace in the process). He’d greeted you with a big smile, and arms outstretched.

“Congratulations! Young people sure do move fast. But I’m glad to see Malleus so happy. He told us all about it when he came back to Diasomnia yesterday. It seems Briar Valley’s future is looking rather interesting, and more accepting of humans.”

Okay, now you were very confused, and so was everyone else. Unfortunately, when Ace asked what was going on, Lilia just laughed.

“Ah, it is hard to keep up with younger folks sometimes. Anyway, I will be off. Much to do, things to help arrange.”

He disappeared before anyone could get another word in.

It’s safe to say you were now thoroughly confused. All you did was give Malleus a rock, and now you have Sebek acting like he had to escort you places, and Lilia congratulating you? Was the rock some magical item? It wouldn’t be the first time you accidentally came across something magical. Maybe it was Malleus just being protective? He did have a habit of going over the top a bit to protect those he cares about.

Either way, the only way to know what was really going on would be to ask Malleus himself. So after classes were over, you and Grim made your way over to Diasomnia to find Malleus.

You’d never seen Diasomnia so…scattered. Several students were moving around quickly, some even avoiding eye contact or going still as you walked past them. And sitting in the lounge was the dragon prince himself, Malleus, with a big smile on his face as he spoke with Lilia.

As soon as Malleus saw you approaching, his smile grew again, and he looked at you with such joy and affection.

“Ah, Child of man, how lovely it is for you to visit. Everything is going smoothly.”

You blinked up at him in confusion, “What’s going smoothly?”

At that, he seemed surprised for a moment before answering, “The preparations for our marriage of course.”

…

What.

Grim practically squeaked beside you at the revelation and began shouting, “Marriage?! Who said you could marry my hench-human? You didn’t even ask for permission to propose to my minion!”

Malleus laughed softly, “There was no need for me to seek your approval. Child of man proposed to me themself. It was quite the honor.”

The small direbeast looked quickly between you and Malleus in shock, and slight offense that you didn’t tell him. Malleus wasn’t a mage he wanted to provoke, but you were his hench-human! How could you propose to him without even consulting or telling him first?!

In the pause, Malleus continued, “I have taken great lengths to ensure the precious stone is safe. It is a symbol of our engagement, and will be a fine piece at our ceremony. Grandmother has already received word, and will be welcoming you to Briar Valley by my side.”

Oh great seven. The Queen of Briar Valley knows you somehow proposed to the Prince by giving him…a rock?? This must be some part of fae culture you’d yet to learn about. Courtship wasn’t exactly a priority when learning about their culture, so you hadn’t gotten there yet.

Snapping out of your shocked daze, you had to ask, “We’re…engaged??”

Malleus nodded, “Of course. Was that not the purpose of your gift of stone?”

Part of you wanted to clarify that proposing was very much not the intention, but he looked so happy and Lilia was giving you a look beside him. Malleus even told his grandma, made Sebek escort you this morning, and now all of Diasomnia is treating you like some sort of royalty. He was so excited about it. How could you tell him that you weren’t proposing when he was so excited? That might break his heart.

Unsure of what to say, you stayed silent for a moment. Lilia, ever the protector of Malleus’ feelings, laughed lightly, “Ah young love. Proposing and yet being so flustered about it. It’s relieving to see the future rulers of Briar Valley being oh so in love. Humans and fae coming together after so long.”

Malleus smiled again, and stepped by your side, “I am honored to be your chosen partner. Now, we must set up a time for you to meet Grandmother before the wedding.”

Oh yeah, you’re done for.

[popcornpoppypop]

Blood is Blood

Summary: You're one of the best attendings in The Pitt, Robby and Abbot trained you up themselves. When you find yourself in a tough spot and need someone to drive you home from an abortion, it had to be Robby.

Warnings: Abortion, vomit, blood, bad boyfriens

A/N: I have not had an abortion, I have had friends who had them and taken care of them after. That is mostly the information I used for this and some stories on reddit, I wanted to rely on patient experience rather than medical procedure and policy for this one.

You had only been an attending for a total of six months, and in that time, you had to help lead the hospital through a mass shooting, the idiot who let off fireworks in the trauma bay, listeria outbreaks 1 through 3, and train the new interns and med students. It had been a lot.

You had leaned on your fellow attendings, trying to learn how to be a leader and the one everyone turned to for everything. Dr. Abbot helped teach you that some people need to be pushed even if they look like they might crumble. Dr. Robby taught you how to make sure everyone was looked after. They both showed you how to carry the weight of every patient and staff member on your shoulders. You figured they would get as tense and tired as theirs were one day.

Robby and you had struck up a friendship and mentorship. It sometimes veered into something else, something neither of you had the confidence to name. Nothing more than flirty jokes and glances across the trauma bay. Besides, you had a boyfriend. Or a sort of boyfriend. You fucked a guy.

“Hey, you look like shit.” Robby smirked as you walked up to the hub desk. Your face pale, shoulders hunched, clearly dehydrated.

“Yeah. Not a great morning.” You sighed.

“You need to go home?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

“Haha. That’s so funny. I’ll be fine. Write me a prescription for Zofran and I’ll be fine.” You groaned as you sat down to start working on your morning paperwork.

“If you need Zofran, you need to go home. Maybe you got that flu that was going around, can’t have you getting patients sick.” Robby shook his head.

“It’s not the flu. I’m fine. Can you just leave it? I’m not in the mood.” You bit back.  Robby’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. You were never angry, not really and never with him or the staff. Hell, a med student vomited on your shoes and you still fussed over making sure they were okay.

“Alright. Don’t push yourself too hard.” He pointed and walked away.

You were grateful he hadn’t pushed it any further. You really didn’t know how to deal with your situation and Robby fussing wouldn’t make it better.

You managed your way through most of the shift, having to stop and sit a couple of times. Something Robby was keenly aware of. You were about to head into another room when your phone rang. Robby watched you take it, something that was also very abnormal for you. You had a strict policy with yourself about phone usage.

“What!? No. That’s not going to be possible.” You snapped. Robby watched as you got frantic with whoever was on the phone.

“F-fine. I’ll figure something out I guess. Yeah, keep the appointment.” You hung up the phone and shoved it back in your pocket as you stomped off to the next room.

“Hey, Dana, what’s going on with her?” Robby leaned over the counter. Dana looked up at him, glasses perched on the end of her nose, then to you and back to him with a confused look.

“How the hell should I know? You two are besties, surely if she wanted anyone here to know, you’d be the first.” She shrugged.

“She’s off today.” Robby wrung his hands together.

“She’s doing fine. You’re just nosey.” Dana laughed. Robby waved her off as he watched you scurry from room to room.

You were grateful when you saw Dr. Shen walk in. You were ready for the day to be over, you were ready before you got out of bed that morning.

“John, I am so glad to see you.” You sighed as you walked up to him.

“It’s nice to be needed.” He smiled as he sipped his coffee. You rolled your eyes as you began to rattle off your cases to him.

“You’re lucky you get Y/N as your number two. Shen still hasn’t found his drive yet. Not sure what I’m going to have to do for that kid to get motivated.” Abbot shook his head.

“Has she seemed off to you lately?” Robby asked as he watched you and Dr. Shen talk.

“No. But we only work together once a week. Why? Something up? You think she’s breaking” Jack leaned in with a concerned look.

“I don’t know. Dana thinks I’m being nosey. I don’t know. I’ll keep an eye on it.” Robby shrugged as he hiked his backpack on his shoulder. He ran to catch up with you as you left.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay? You seemed upset today.” Robby dug through his backpack.

“Just…don’t feel well.” You said, you could feel the emotion catching in your throat. Your body knew when the day was over and would start to make the wall of professionalism crumble.

“You need anything?” He asked as he handed you a protein bar. You often forgot to eat until you got home. He’d caught you when you passed out from low blood sugar once. He tried to shove protein bars at you every couple of hours.

You took it and flipped it around in your hands. You’re mind was racing, too much happening. You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I…”

“Hey, you two coming to the park? I got those seltzer things you like Y/N.” Donnie smiled.

“I can’t.” You blurted out in a way that made the two men look at you confused. “I’m not feeling well.” You cleared your throat. Donnie nodded and walked off.

“You need me to walk you home? Where’s that boy you’re with anyway? He usually drives you home.” Robby looked around the street.

“We…broke up.” Your voice cracking.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Robby suddenly felt like an ass. “Come on. I’ll walk you home.” He said, guiding you by the shoulder.

You walked in silence for a while. Robby keeping on eye on you, watching as a thousand thoughts flashed across your face. He wanted to stop and ask what the hell was going through your head but didn’t want to impose. He walked you to the front door of your apartment and was going to start his goodbyes when you grabbed his hand and pulled him into the apartment.

“Whoa, what the hell Y/N?” Robby stumbled into the apartment, nearly face-planting with the force you pulled him.

“Sorry! I just, I need something and I couldn’t ask while people were around and it’s already going to be hard for me to ask and I just feel myself losing the nerve.” Your words falling out of your mouth in a rush of anxiety and desperation.

“Hey, it’s okay. Take a breath. What’s going on?” Robby put his hands on your shoulders.

“I need to ask you a favor.” You bit at your bottom lip, tasting the copper as it started to bleed. You lead Robby into the living room, gesturing for him to sit. He obliged, though his confusion hadn’t lightened.

“Are you in trouble?” Robby ran his hands up and down his legs as his anxiety started to rise.

“No. Well, yes.” You sighed. “Okay, I need you to let me just get all of the information out and then you can ask questions.” You looked at him with big, scared eyes.

“Okay, I’ll be quiet.” He agreed, his brows furrowed still.

“I found out three days ago that I’m pregnant. I didn’t notice any symptoms for so long, most of the ones I did kind of notice I chalked up to stress. When I finally went into my GP to try and get something for my acid reflux, she told me that I was pregnant. Went to the OB, she confirmed it. Problem is, I’m 12 weeks, or I guess closer to 13 now. Anyway, I don’t want to be pregnant and I sure as hell don’t have the time for a damn baby. I got set up for an abortion appointment next Wednesday. Oh! I told Darren, the guy I was seeing. He took off, screamed in my face how it was my fault and left. Prick. Anyway, I got a call today that because it’s further along they’ll have to do a surgical abortion and I’ll be sedated and because of that I have to have someone to take me home or they won’t do it. So, I need someone to pick me up and I love Samira but she’s so young and she still lets secrets slip sometimes and you’re off on Wednesday too and I trust you to keep this to yourself.” You took a breath, feeling like you just did sprints.

Robby sat there trying to decipher the information he had just received.

“Darren screamed in your face? You’re pregnant and he screamed in your face?” Robby felt himself starting to get angry, who the hell does that?

“I think you missed the important part.” You crossed your arms.

“No, I got that important part. I’m taking you to get an abortion on Wednesday. He screamed in your face? Where does he live exactly?” Robby asked as he got his phone out of his pocket.

“He’s an idiot, not important. I’m not giving you that information anyway.” You rolled your eyes.

“I bet Abbot could figure it out. He’d have some shit to mess him up too.” Robby said mostly to himself.

“Jesus, Robby!” You snapped.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. You’re right. Not important. Are you okay? I mean, that’s a lot to deal with.” Robby looked up at you with those soft, brown eyes that could melt snow.

“Y-yeah. It’s not great, but I’m fine.” You shrugged.

“You’ll tell me if you’re not.” He said it as an order more than anything.

“I will. Sorry, I freaked you out.” You tore your eyes from his in an attempt to keep from getting too worked up.

“Okay. What time?”

“Huh?”

“What time do I pick you up?” He tilted his head.

“Oh right. Duh! The procedure lasts about forty five minutes, appointment is at noon so around 12:45pm.” You nodded.

“So, 11:30am. Got it. I’ll be out front at 11:30am.” He nodded

“You don’t have to drive me. I was going to uber there.”

“Honey, Please. Like I’m letting you do that.” He shook his head, a smile spread across his face.

“Uh…” You’re mind going blank.

“I’ll see you Wednesday.” He nodded as he left.

You tried to go about the rest of the week as normal. Unsure how to feel about any of it. It was too much to think about, you put it in a box to deal with later.

You let out a groan as you forced yourself awake, Wednesday morning. You kept to your normal routine, showering, brushing your teeth, putting your hair up. The doorbell went off at 11am. Of course he would be early.

“You’re early.” You raise an eyebrow at Robby who was leaning on the doorway with two coffees.

“Wanted to make sure you had enough time to talk if you wanted.” He said, handing you a latte.

“I’m not supposed to have this.” You scolded.

“Oh we both know that it’s fine. You haven’t eaten anything right?” He asked, taking his sunglasses off.

“No, but they said no coffee.” You said sipping the latte.

“You’ll be fine. Enjoy the caffeine.” He had an Ikea bag slung over his shoulder as he barged into your apartment.

“What are you doing?” You looked at him, confused.

“Where are you going to want to rest up? Bed or couch?” he asked, looking like a man on a mission.

“Um, I was planning on staying on the couch mostly. Why?” You followed him into the living room. “I wanted to get it setup now so we aren’t worrying about it later.” He said as he started pulling things out of the bag.

“What the hell is all that?”

“Right, I did some googling,”

“Dangerous.”

“I found some Reddit posts where women talked about what they needed or wanted when they were recovering. I got you a new heating pad, a new blanket, and one of those neck massagers because it looked cool. I got some snacks, too. I got a big ass water bottle, too, that you will finish today, no arguments.” He said as he started positioning everything within arm's reach.

“Robby, you didn’t need to do all that.” You said, your throat tight with emotion.

“Yeah, well, I wanted to. So, I’m only going to ask once and then we can move on. Are you sure?” He said, suddenly getting serious.

“Thank you. Yes, I’m sure. I can’t…I can’t have a baby right now.” You looked away, the tears stinging as they formed.

“Okay. That’s okay.” He smiled. “Let’s get this done with then.” He nodded as he grabbed your sweatshirt hanging by the door and tossed it to you.

The waiting room for the OB was always so odd. Some people were there to get great news. Some for check ups, just another Wednesday. Some people were there with bad news. No one every really knew how to act. You sat in the uncomfortable chair, your knee bouncing with nerves.

“You okay?” Robby asked.

“Just nervous.” You cleared your throat.

“I forgot to ask, do you want me in there?” He shifted to face you.

“That’s asking too much.” You shook your head.

“It’s really not. If you want privacy that’s okay. But I’m more than happy to sit with you.” Robby smiled. You looked up at him, your hands were shaking and he could see how nervous you were.

“Okay. Yeah. Please.” You stuttered.

“Y/N L/N?” The nurse called out. You jumped up and scurried toward her. She brought you into a procedure room and handed you a gown.

“Hubby, you can help her get dressed.” The nurse said.

“Oh no. I’m not, I’m just here for moral support.” Robby’s face flushed red.

“Could have fooled me.” She chuckled as she left.

“I’ll just turn around, while you do that.” Robby cleared his throat as he faced the wall. You laughed as you gowned up. This man has torn the clothes off of countless patients but the thought of seeing you nude made him blush.

“You can turn around.” You said as you got settled on the bed. Your hands sat on your lap; you nervously picked at the cuticle.

“You doing okay?” Robby sat in the stool beside the bed.

“Don’t laugh, but I really have a hard time with needles and get nervous with sedation.” You sighed.

“Seriously? You’re around needles all day. You sedate people all day.” He scoffed.

“I know, other people. Not me.” You fidgeted with the collar of your gown. Robby realized you were serious and moved to take your hand.

“It’s not full sedation, just enough to relax you. I’ll be here the whole time, so you know there won’t be any mistakes. Okay?” He moved his head so you’d make eye contact. You nodded, afraid if you opened your mouth you’d start crying.

“Good morning, Y/N. It’s good to see you again.” Dr. Smith smiled as she came in.

“Good morning.” You cleared your throat.

“Is this your partner?”

“Oh no, just the moral support.” Robby smiled.

“Okay, do you need me to go over anything, I assume you understand the procedure.” Dr. Smith asked as she sat down across from you.

“No, I’m just ready to get this over with.” You took a deep breath.

“Understandable. Nurse Garcia is going to come in and get an IV going and start the sedation. Once you’re comfortable we’ll get started.” She nodded as she left.

“last chance to make a break for it.” Robby smiled.

“I can’t wait for the drugs, Jesus my hands are sweaty.” You shook your shaking hands. Robby laughed, though he could see the grief forming in your eyes.

“Hello, I’m Nurse Garcia. I’m going to get you hooked up for sedation.” She smiled. She brought a tray over with the IV supplies on it. She started cleaning your arm and your breath started picking up.

“Hey, look at me. You’re okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You know that.” Robby held your hand in his, rubbing the soft skin in circles to distract you.

“Yeah, I know. I know that.” You nodded. His smile made the wrinkles around his eyes form and it made your stomach flip.

“Alright, sweetheart. You’re all set.” The nurse smiled. “I pushed the sedative, you should start to feel it in a few minutes.” She said as she lowered the lights and left the room.

“Not so bad.” Robby shrugged.

“She was good.” You nodded. “You were good.” You smiled.

“Not like I’ve been doing this for thirty years or anything.” He said.

“I should bring you to every blood draw.” You chuckled.

“I’d go if you needed.” He smiled. You couldn’t tell if it was real or the meds, but Robby was flirting. You wanted to flirt back, but this was your abortion and you were starting to feel high.

“Damn, that shit hit like train.” You mumbled as you swayed back and forth.

“Okay, Trainspotting. Lay back before you fall off.” He laughed as he helped you get comfortable.

“You’re so nice to me. I like it.” You smiled up at him sleepily.

“You’re easy to be nice to.” He said as he tucked the blanket around you.

“You aren’t this nice to the other attendings. You wouldn’t tuck Abbot in.” You laughed.

“I don’t think Jack would let me. He’d be an angry sedated patient.” You both chuckled.

“You have nice eyes. I always get all giddy when you smile and they look all gooey.” You mumbled.

“Oh yeah? Gooey?” Robby leaned on the guardrail.

“Yeah, like a sad puppy. It makes my tummy all butterfly-full of butterflies.” You said. Robby should tell you to stop. He should maybe excuse himself, have the nurse sit with you. But he wanted to say the same thing back.

“Alright Y/N. We’re going to get started.” Dr. Smith came in.

“Hooray. I can’t wait to have an empty uterus.” You cheered.

“Let’s get her legs in the stirrups.” Dr. Smith said as the nurse put your feet up.

“I can’t believe I let that stupid boy knock me up. Dumb boys.” You grumbled.

“We are dumb, sorry.” Robby nodded.

“No. You’re not a boy. You’re a man. Men are stupid too but not as much. You wouldn’t scream at me. I need a man.” You grumbled.

“I’d never scream at you.” Robby said as he watched the tears quietly fall down your temples.

“A little sting now. Just to help open the cervix.” Dr. Smith said. Robby took your hand in his. You hissed as the pain hit. “Good. Alright, you’re going to feel some pressure.” Dr. Smith noted as she started her machine.

“It can help to massage her belly.” The nurse nodded to Robby.

“Right. Yeah.” Robby cleared his throat as he put his wide hand on your lower belly and gave a gentle rub.

“Hmm…Warm.” You hummed.

“Almost over.” Dr. Smith said.

“You’re doing great.” Robby said.

“Hurts.” You groaned with knitted brows.

“I know, Hun. Do your best to relax.” The nurse gave your leg a pat.

“Deep breaths, Y/N.” Robby couched.

“Ah! That’s too much!” you hissed.

“I know, just squeeze my hand. You’re nearly there.” Robby brushed some stray hair from your face.

“Okay, sweetheart. You’re all done. Everything looks good. We’ll keep you here for thirty minutes to make sure there’s no reactions and you can go home.” Dr. Smith smiled as she helped the nurse put your legs back down.

“It’s done?” You whimpered.

“Yeah, it’s done.” Robby confirmed with a soft smile. You nodded, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I don’t want to cry.” You sighed.

“It’s normal. Nothing to be ashamed of.” Robby said, handing you a tissue.

“I wanted this.” Your bottom lip trembled.

“Doesn’t mean it was going to feel good. You’ll be okay.” He rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.  Robby felt his heart breaking for you. He also couldn’t stop thinking about Darren. That boy would be in trouble if they crossed paths.

“I��m sorry, I asked you go through this.” You sighed, the sedation starting to wear off.

“I’m not. I would hate to know you’d gone through this alone.” He smiled. You looked up at him and you felt the need to ask him if he felt what you did. You were about to say something when the nurse came back in.

“Alright, you are good to go. Remember to take it easy today, the next week if you can. Drink lots of water and good meals. You’ll be bleeding on and off for a while. If you’re going through more than a pad an hour, go to the ER.” She said, handing you some paperwork.

“Okay. Thanks.” You said moving to sit up, Robby held your arms as your head wobbled a little.

“You want some help getting dressed?” Robby asked, keeping his patient care voice on.

“I…I might need it yeah.” You sighed as you fumbled with your underwear. Robby took them from your clumsy hands. He eased them up your legs, his fingers tracing up the skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. He stopped at the top of your thighs, letting you take over.

“Hold onto my shoulders, step in.” He instructed as he got you into your sweatpants. You finished pulling them all the way on.

“Can you untie the gown?” You asked turning away from him. He hummed in agreement. He pulled the tie and grabbed the gown, tossing it in the laundry bin by the door. He grabbed your shirt and pulled it over your head, his eyes never leaving your back.

“Sit back down, I’ll put your shoes on.” He cleared his throat as he put the shoes on. You watched as he tied them tight, the muscles in his shoulders flexing with his movements.

“Thank you.” You hummed.

“Let’s get you home.” He said, holding out his hands for you. You took them and clumsily got to your feet. You wobbled a little, Robby steadying you with an arm around your waist.

The car ride was quiet, not suffocating but nearing comfortable. You let your head lean against the cool window. You were fighting the nausea, you didn’t know if it was from sedation or morning sickness. You were losing the battle.

“Robby. Robby pull over!” You gasped, suddenly bolt up right.

“Okay, Okay.” He moved the car off the road. You fumbled to unbuckle yourself, flinging the door open. Robby ran around to you, grabbing your hair as you retched into the gutter.  “You’re okay. Easy.” He helped you sit back up.

“Ew.” You groaned.

“You alright?” He asked, looking you over like the trained medical professional he was.

“Yeah. I think it’s fine for now.” You nodded.

You had always had a low pain tolerance. You would break down if you scraped your knee. The pain radiating from your abdomen made you want to break down completely. The walk from the car to your apartment was arduous. You leaned most of your weight onto Robby. He offered to carry you, but you declined due to concerns for his back.

“Okay, let’s get you some Zofran.” He said as you got comfortable on the couch.

“I don’t have any.” You grumbled.

“Yes, you do.” He came back in with the pills. “Had them filled yesterday. Perks of working in an ER.” He smiled, handing it to you. You took them happily.

“Everyone said it wouldn’t be too bad. The liars.” You groaned as you wrapped the blanket around you.

“Different for everyone, you know that.” Robby sighed. “Drink your water. I’ll be back.” He nodded and left. You were going to question where he was going but decided you didn’t really care. Your head felt heavy and you didn’t care to fight it, letting yourself fall asleep.

“Honey, you need to eat something.” Robby’s rough voice lulling you awake. Your apartment suddenly filled with the smell of food.

“Hmm, what?” You grumbled, confused. Robby was standing next to you with a bowl.

“You need to eat so we can give you something for the pain.” He said, handing you a bowl of soup.

“What’s this?” you asked, confused as to where the hell he had found soup in your apartment.

“Chicken noodle soup. My grandma’s recipe, so no jokes. Her’s was better, not sure how.” He shrugged.

“You…made me soup?” You looked up at him, confused.

“Yes. It’s got protein and iron, two things you need most right now.” He said as he lifted a book into his lap.

“What is that?” you pointed to the book.

“Well, I would have hoped you encountered a book in med school at some point.” He teased.  “It’s a book about emotional trauma. My therapist is making me read it.” He cleared his throat as he put his glasses on.

“You brought a book? How long are you planning on being here?” You cocked an eyebrow.

“Until you go to bed tonight. Or you kick me out, whichever comes first.” He said, not looking up from his book. You let out a huff, enamored with this strange man. You ate a spoonful of soup and were surprised by how good it was.

“Fuck that’s really good!” You blurted out.

“Gee thanks.” Robby chuckled.

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Cook is a strong word. I get around the kitchen well enough. I make pasta, soup and that’s about it. The soup is in the genes.” He winked.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever made me soup.” You sipped at the broth.

“Really? Your mom never heated up a can when you were sick?”

“Ha! My mother barely checked my temperature if I was sick. I was a nuisance if I was sick. She never stayed home to take care of me. If I didn’t look sick enough, I was faking. I heated up my own soup.” You shrugged.

“Every time you tell me more about your life, I get sad.” Robby laughed.

“Oh, please.” You swatted at him. “You don’t need to stay here. I’m going to be asleep, mostly.” You said.

“Someone needs to make sure you hydrate. You’re terrible at it.” He said, flipping a page. You were going to retort but felt the distinct gush of blood that told you, you needed to change your pad at the same time a cramp squeezed your insides. A finishing move from your reproductive system.

“Oh fuck…” You groaned, hunched over.

“You okay? What do you need?” Robby put his book aside and put his hand on your back.

“Cramps. Blood. The usual.” You groaned. “I need…I gotta go change.” Your face red.

“Okay.” Robby didn’t hesitate to help you up.

“There’s going to be blood everywhere, just turn around.” You warned.

“Oh please. Like blood has ever bothered me, you know better.” Robby chuckled.

“But it’s different blood.”

“Blood is blood and I don’t give a shit.” He shrugged. “You go to the bathroom, I’ll clean this up.” He nodded. You grabbed his hands and heaved yourself up. Sure enough, blood everywhere.

“Damn, I liked that couch.” You shook your head as you hobbled off to the bedroom to get changed. When you came back out, the couch was cleaned up and a new blanket lay ready.

“I got you some OTC pain meds if you need them.” Robby’s glasses sat on the end of his nose as he scrolled on his phone. “Your color is still a little off. Do you want some apple juice? I got one that has iron.” He offered as you stood in front of him, looking confused.

“You got me apple juice with iron?”

“Well, you need to keep your blood sugar up so it’s easier for you to replenish your cells and you are bad about eating well. I knew making you drink juice would be easier.” He said putting his phone away. You watched him for a minute, trying to understand this man that was taking care of you like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Do you want to fuck me?”

“Whoa, what!?” He looked shocked, his face going red.

“I’m so confused.” You shrugged, going to sit back down.

“Are you feeling okay? Should I be worried about neuro symptoms right now?” Robby gave a nervous chuckle.

“Maybe it’s my bad luck with men or humans in general, but I’ve never had anyone take care of me, let alone to this level, unless they were trying to get something from me.” You wrapped the blanket around yourself.

“Honey, the fact that you weren’t looked after at any point in your life makes me want to take even better care of you.” Robby sighed, leaning on the back of the couch.  “To answer your question, no. I don’t want to fuck you.”

“Oh.” You said, your face flushed with embarrassment.

“I don’t want to fuck you because you just had an abortion and feel like shit. That would be very fucking weird of me.” Robby smirked. “But, if you’re asking if I have feelings for you, then yeah. I thought it was obvious.” He said.

“Obvious? In what world!?” You chuckled.

“I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. But you said that butterfly comment today, and even though you were high, I didn’t want to push it away anymore.” He sighed. “I wasn’t going to say anything tonight, by the way. Was just going to take care of you and go home. You forced my hand.”

“Jesus, Robby! You realize that all of this,” You waved your hands around the apartment and up and down his form. “would make any woman fall desperately in love with you? I already was, but you never gave a girl a chance!” You laughed.

“So, what I’m hearing is that you love me.” He winked.

“You were ready to beat up Darren for screaming at me,”

“Still debating on not doing that.”

“you googled how to take care of me in recovery, drove me to get another man’s fetus aborted, held my hair while I vomited, made me soup.” You scoffed. “Cleaned up my blood! I don’t even know the last time I had a man that didn’t cringe when I leaked through a tampon, let alone helped clean up! Of course I love you!” You shouted.

“Okay then!” He mimicked you.

“So, what now?”

“Now, you take those meds and drink some juice.” He said, looking at you like it was obvious.

“No. No, I mean with us?” You said, grabbing the pills and sipping your water.

“I don’t know. I’m leaving that at your feet, Honey.”

“Why do you always call me Honey? You’ve been doing that since I was a resident.” You cocked an eyebrow.

“You don’t remember? You were fixing up a wound and using an entire jar of Manuka honey on it, when I came in, you had it everywhere. I think that’s when I knew I was done for.” He smiled.

[springtyme]

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐀𝐢𝐧'𝐭 𝐍𝐨 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞 ♡

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑: 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐌𝐞 𝐀 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐨

Spencer Reid x f!reader || Series masterlist || Series playlist

Previous chapter || Main masterlist || ao3 || Next chapter

summary: After having worked for the BAU for two years, you have seen and experienced a lot, but after a series of murders of young married couples, you’re asked to do something that you never had thought you would have to do; going undercover, as an expecting, married couple, with Spencer Reid.

word count: 3.6k

warnings/tags: Eventual smut! (18+, mdni!) Language. Angst and fluff. Slow burn. Mutual pining. Coworkers to lovers. Undercover as a married couple. Pretend pregnancy. Not set at a specific time, but definitely somewhere in the early seasons. Reader uses she/her pronouns. Mention of canon-typical violence.

You spend most of the afternoon after your fitting with one of the undercover specialists from headquarters. Together, you go over your cover story in close detail, discuss standard protocols for different scenarios, and talk about how to navigate potential complications with careful precision.

You are very grateful for the guidance and thorough preparation provided by the specialist, agent Nolan. She is a seasoned woman, around 60 years old if you had to guess, and she has been with the FBI for decades. You really like her, and find her expertise reassuring. It’s nice to have someone to rehearse with, someone who understands the importance of each detail and can help you refine your approach. 

Spencer had not been present when you met up again with Hotch after your fitting, and you haven’t seen him since you left the conference room earlier. After wrapping up your session with the specialist, you gather your things and head toward the small lounge area near the briefing rooms, hoping to run into him. He had been upset earlier, and you can’t help but worry about how he’s processing everything.

You understand why he wouldn’t be enthusiastic about learning that you would stay home while he has to go to his fake university job, but it still seemed to weigh on him more than you expected. You want to assure him that you’re in this together and that you trust the plan, that he doesn’t have to feel guilt for leaving you alone on the case. He can be very hard on himself. 

But you don’t succeed in finding him, he must still be with the undercover specialist assigned to him, so you go to Hotch’s office instead. Hotch looks up from a stack of files when you knock gently on his open door. He gives you a small, welcoming nod.

“Agent,” he says, setting down his pen. “Come in.”

You step inside, closing the door softly behind you. You hesitate for a second, gathering your thoughts before speaking. 

“I finished with agent Nolan.” 

Hotch nods attentively, giving you a reassuring glance. “Good. That’s important. Did everything go smoothly?”

You nod slightly, offering a small smile. “Yes, she was amazing, really helped me refine things. I feel much more prepared now.” 

“Good. I’m glad to hear that. I want you to feel as ready and prepared as possible. Both of your safety is paramount. I promise I’ll make sure of it.” 

“I know,” you say softly, your voice steady but earnest. “And I trust you, Hotch. I trust the team.” You pause, glancing down at your folder, the weight of everything you’ve learned today settling fully on your shoulders. “You spoke to Reid..? After I left earlier.”

“I know,” you say softly, your voice steady but earnest. “And I trust you, Hotch. I trust the team.” You pause, glancing down at your folder, the weight of everything you’ve learned today settling fully on your shoulders then adding softly, “You spoke to Reid... after I left earlier, didn’t you?”

“I did.”

You nod, taking a moment to choose your words carefully before continuing. You don’t want Hotch to think that you don’t trust Spencer or that you doubt his abilities and competencies, because you don’t. Quite the opposite, in fact. It turns out that you don’t need to voice your concern. 

Hotch has leaned back in his chair, watching you carefully, sensing the internal debate playing across your face. His voice is steady, calm when he speaks again. “He feels responsible for your safety.” 

You feel a warmth creep into your chest at Hotch’s words, a mix of emotions tightening in your throat — pride, affection, and something more complicated too: the deep understanding of how much pressure Spencer lets himself carry on his narrow shoulders.

“I know,” you murmur again. “I worry he’ll be blaming himself even before anything has happened.”

Hotch gives a small, knowing smile, the kind that says he’s seen it all before but still finds it quietly meaningful. “He cares about you,” he says simply. “Deeply. I think it’s hard for him to separate his personal feelings from the professional assignment right now, and honestly... I’m not sure he should.”

You blink, a little surprised by the candor. Hotch doesn’t usually wade into personal territory unless he feels it’s necessary.

“He’ll be alright,” Hotch assures you. “Sometimes caring about your partner — even more than yourself — makes you sharper. More aware. He won’t let anything happen to you. Neither will we.”

You feel your chest tighten a little, a rush of emotion surging through you. The trust you have in the team, in Hotch, and especially in Spencer, grounds you.

“Thank you,” you whisper, feeling the sincerity behind his words.

Hotch nods once. “Now go home and get some rest. You leave for California tomorrow morning. Wheels up at 09:00.”

“Right.” You say, offering him a grateful smile. “Goodnight, Hotch.” 

“Goodnight, Agent,” he says, already reaching for another file as you quietly step out of his office, but you turn around to add, “I won’t let anything happen to him either, by the way.” Your voice is soft, but the earnestness behind it is unmistakable.

He looks up from his file, offering a small, reassuring smile. “Oh, I know.”

With that, you exit the office, the weight of the conversation settling a little more comfortably on your shoulders. 

· · · · ·

The folder Hotch gave him earlier lies open on the desk in front of him. He has read through every single file in it multiple times—not that he really needed to, eidetic memory and all. Every word of it is etched into his brain, but he felt like he should; it seemed appropriate in some way, like it was the polite thing to do. 

The fake life of a man he has to embody to perfection, neatly laid out in front of him: how he met his wife in college, how they built a future together, and was now moving cross-country to start anew, and start a family. It’s surreal. 

Opposite Spencer sits Agent Johnson, his assigned undercover specialist. Johnson is a seasoned undercover operative, calm and methodical, with years of experience in deep cover assignments. The older agent’s dark eyes are quietly observing Spencer through the horn rimmed glasses that are slightly askew on his nose. 

They have gone through everything multiple times, every imaginary scenario, rehearsed potential questions for just about any possible person he could encounter, and discussed how Spencer should respond in various situations. He should feel exhausted by now, but instead he just feels wired—too many thoughts running through his mind to allow for anything else. 

Spencer has been nodding along to everything, trying to internalize every instruction, but he is feeling the weight of the operation is pressing down on him. Now, with the room quiet except for the faint hum of the air conditioner, Spencer takes a deep breath, trying to steady his racing mind

Johnson finally leans forward slightly, his voice low and steady. “I must say agent Reid, I am very impressed by you. That eidetic memory of yours is going to serve the operation well. I’ve never seen someone prepare so fast.”

Spencer blinks, momentarily startled by the unexpected praise. He offers a small, almost shy smile, ducking his head slightly the way he always does when he’s embarrassed but pleased.

“Thank you,” he says softly.

Agent Johnson’s lips twitch in a ghost of a smile. “You’re ready, Reid. I really believe that you are. You know the cover backwards and forwards. You’ll be fine out there.” He pauses for a beat before adding, “But I’m not fully sure you believe that yourself.”

Spencer shifts uncomfortably in his chair, feeling the weight of Johnson’s words settle over him, slightly embarrassed that the seasoned agent seems to see right through him so easily. He nods slowly, eyes cast downward as he tries to mask the flicker of doubt that’s creeping in. Despite all the rehearsals, all the meticulous planning, a part of him still worries—what if he slips up? What if something unexpected happens?

“I don’t have any doubts about remembering the details,” Spencer finally says, voice quiet but firm. “My concern is if I’m able to act it out.”

Agent Johnson nods thoughtfully, leaning back slightly. “That’s a valid concern, and it’s good to acknowledge it.”Agent Johnson studies Spencer for a long moment before he speaks again, his tone still even but now laced with a bit more warmth. “Let me tell you something, Reid,” he begins, folding his hands on the table between them. “A good undercover operative memorizes the cover. A great one feels it. They don’t pretend to be someone else — they become them, not by forgetting who they are, but by using the parts of themselves that already fit the role.”

Spencer frowns slightly, processing what’s being said.

“You’re not pretending to care about someone,” Johnson continues, his gaze steady and kind. “You already do. You’re not pretending to be protective — you already are. The only thing that’s new is the backdrop. The rest? That’s all you. Just... let that show. Trust that it’s enough.”

Spencer swallows hard, his throat tight. He hadn’t expected the conversation to take that turn — and certainly hadn’t expected it to hit so close to home. But there it is, spoken aloud in the way that only someone who’s lived undercover long enough could vocalise. 

It’s about letting the truth slip through the fiction.

He nods, more slowly this time. “I think… I needed to hear that.”

Johnson gives a short nod in return. “Good. Then I’ve done my job.”

Spencer finally looks up again, his expression a little clearer, the tension in his jaw starting to ease. The room falls into silence once more, but now it feels different, less heavy, more grounded. He knows tomorrow everything changes. But for now he is feeling a faint flicker of confidence rekindled within. 

· · · · ·

You are back home earlier than you had feared. As you step into your quiet apartment, the familiar surroundings seem both comforting and stifling all at once. The silence is thick, the kind of silence that makes your mind race with everything you should be doing, everything that’s about to come.

You set your bag down carefully by the door, the soft click of the lock behind you sounding strangely final. In 24 hours you’ll have landed in California, and the operation will officially have begun. 

You walk through your apartment slowly, almost absentmindedly touching the edges of things—bookshelves, picture frames, the corner of the kitchen counter—as if grounding yourself in the life you’re leaving behind, if only temporarily. You know this is part of the job. You’ve done difficult things before. But this assignment feels more personal, more intimate than any before.

You still need to pack your bags for the trip. You will have a wardrobe waiting for you in California, so it’s a relatively easy task. You decide to wait to do it until after dinner. You have to empty your fridge, resulting in some weird combination of leftovers on a plate that barely resembles a meal, but it’s food, and that’s enough for tonight. You eat standing at the counter, chewing slowly, barely tasting it as your mind stays fixed on what’s coming.

Once the plate is rinsed and placed in the sink, you find yourself standing still, your hands braced on the counter’s edge. You stare at nothing in particular, letting the weight of your thoughts settle. Eventually, you move to your bedroom. You pack methodically, like you’ve done a hundred times before. Your hands work from muscle memory. 

The next morning comes faster than you expect. After a fitful night’s sleep, your alarm blares at 5:30 a.m., and you’re up, adrenaline already pumping through your veins. After a quick shower you pack the very last of your things, double-check your credentials, and head to Quantico. 

The lobby is quiet when you arrive, the early morning stillness stretching across the floors and muted walls of the Bureau. You spot JJ and Derek already waiting near the elevators, a duffel bag at Derek’s side, sipping coffee as they exchange quiet conversation. They both greet you with soft nods and tired smiles, and you return them in kind, the familiar comfort of your team steadying your nerves.

“Morning,” Derek says, eyeing your bag as he takes a sip of his coffee. “You ready for the sunshine state?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you reply with a wry smile, adjusting your grip on your bag.

“Spencer’s upstairs already,” JJ adds gently. “Been there a while.”

Your heart tugs at that, wondering if he’d gotten any sleep at all last night. You offer a small nod and step into the elevator with them, the subtle vibrations beneath your feet as the doors close behind you, sealing you inside, the three of you riding up in thoughtful silence.

Hotch and Derek will  be going to California with you, taking point on surveillance and coordination from a nearby command post. JJ and the rest of the team will remain in Quantico, at least for the first phase of the operation, supporting remotely and managing intel feeds until the field unit gives the all-clear to rotate personnel in. 

The plan is tight, efficient, and thoroughly vetted — just like every other part of the Bureau’s playbook. But despite the structure, you can feel the underlying tension in everyone’s movements, in the way their eyes linger on you and Spencer a second longer than usual. This isn’t just a case. It’s personal now, in ways that transcend the paperwork.

When the elevator dings open, you step out onto the floor where the briefing rooms are. The hallway is quiet, bathed in the pale wash of early morning light bleeding through the windows. You let Derek and JJ step ahead of you, your feet automatically guiding you after them down the corridor toward the ready room.

The rest of the team is already sitting around the large table. Spencer sits the furthest away from the door. He looks up as you enter the room and you catch each other’s eyes across the room as you take a seat. Spencer offers a faint, reassuring smile, and you return it softly.  

Hotch’s voice cuts through the quiet hum of anticipation as he begins to outline the plan for the coming days. It doesn’t take long. Soon you’re saying goodbye to the rest of the team, before heading to the plane with Derek. Spencer and Hotch have already gone ahead. 

Your bag is thumping against your side as you walk through the building, the sound of yours and Derek’s footsteps echoing around you. Derek glances over at you, his expression serious but supportive. “You alright?” he asks.

You nod, taking a steadying breath. “Yeah. Just… shit’s getting real now, I guess.” 

Derek gives a small, understanding smile. “Yeah, it is. But you know we’ve got your back. Just stay sharp, stay safe.” He gives your arm a friendly nudge, and you can’t help but let out a slight chuckle, feeling the reassurance in his words. 

“Right. How can anyone worry with you as their backup?” you joke.

Derek chuckles softly, a warm smile crossing his face. “Exactly.”

You nudge him back, rolling your eyes with a now more heartfelt laugh. “Shut up, Morgan.”  

“You say that too often, you know?” 

“I say it an appropriate amount of times. You just always take it as an invitation to tease me more.”

You both share a brief, knowing smile as you approach the plane. Despite the gravity of what’s coming, it’s nice to be reminded of the camaraderie of your team and how much you rely on each other—not just professionally, but personally too. 

Once you board the plane you spot Spencer, who’s already seated at the back, he is reviewing some notes, his brow slightly furrowed, but his posture more relaxed than earlier. You catch his eye and give a subtle, encouraging smile. He responds with a quick nod, and a smile like the one he gave you in the briefing room.  

You leave Derek behind to speak with Hotch and make your way down the aisle to Spencer.  

“Hey,” you say quietly. You haven’t spoken since the slight tense moment at yesterday’s meeting with Hotch, before you had to leave to get fitted.    

“Hey,” Spencer replies softly. There’s a beat of silence between you, not uncomfortable, just weighted with everything unsaid and everything understood. Then Spencer breaks the silence. “I didn’t sleep much,” he admits, offering a sheepish sort of smile, closing his notebook and shifting slightly to make room for you beside him.

“I figured,” you say, taking a seat next to him. “I didn’t either.” 

He glances at you. “It’s an almost six hour flight. You should try to get some sleep.” Spencer adds softly. 

“Yeah, I’m just not sure I’ll be able to.”

“Hm,” he hums, “I get that.”

You nod, settling into your seat and pulling your jacket closer around you, settling in as the engines hum to life beneath you.  

Another long stretch of silence unfolds between you as the familiar feeling of takeoff settles over you. The slight pitch forward, the vibration through the floor, it helps steady your nerves for some reason. You take a deep breath, grounding yourself. You notice how heavy your eyes feel, and suddenly you are no longer so sure that you won’t be able to fall asleep. 

“Hey, Spence?” you say, your voice sounding low and wired.   

“Yeah?” Spencer responds softly, his voice barely above a whisper as he glances over at you.

“Do you mind telling me something?”  

“No, of course not,” Spencer replies gently, turning his full attention to you. His brow furrows slightly in curiosity and concern. “What is it about?”

You smile, feeling a bit silly. “I’m not sure. Maybe you will tell me a story, or teach me something, you are the smartest guy I know after all.” Maybe you are being a little bit selfish now, though you’re not lying. You could just really use a distraction, and you have always loved the way Spencer shares his knowledge, his eyes bright with enthusiasm. But you also think that he could use a distraction too. 

“You want me to tell you a story?” he asks softly and surprised.

“Yeah,” you admit with a shy laugh.

He considers this for a moment, then nods. “Alright. Well, I have a story about the origin of the Fibonacci sequence and how it appears in nature— it’s pretty fascinating.”

You settle in, listening as Spencer begins, his voice calm and engaging. “The Fibonacci sequence is a series of numbers where each number is the sum of the two preceding ones: 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21... and so on. Interestingly, this pattern appears all over nature—in sunflower seed arrangements, pinecones, even in galaxies. The ratio between successive Fibonacci numbers approaches the golden ratio, which is approximately 1.618, a number that’s been associated with aesthetic beauty in art and architecture for thousands of years.”

You feel your eyelids growing heavier as he speaks, his voice weaving a calming rhythm. “That’s really cool,” you murmur.

Spencer smiles softly. “Yeah, it’s one of my favorite things to think about. Math isn’t just numbers—it’s a language that explains the universe. Sometimes, I think the universe is trying to tell us stories in patterns we’re only just beginning to understand.”

You nod, feeling a strange sense of comfort from his words and voice. “Thanks, Spence. I needed that.”

He glances at you with a gentle expression. “Anytime.”   

The hum of the engines lulls you both into a quiet comfort.

“Are you excited about getting to teach engineering? Math is a big part of engineering, isn’t it? and patterns.”

“Yeah, I think I am,” Spencer replies softly. “Excited and nervous.” 

“Mm,” you hum. “I understand that. But you are gonna do amazing I’m sure.” 

Spencer looks at you, his brows slightly furrowed. “Thanks,” he says, his voice almost shy.

“Of course.” You offer him a sleepy smile, hesitating for a moment, gathering your thoughts. “Also… I know all of this is a lot. And I know you’re worried about me—about us. But I want you to know that I trust you. I trust that you’ll do everything you need to, to stay safe out there.”

Spencer’s eyes soften. “I know. I just… I hate the idea of anything happening to you. But I also know Hotch and the team have everything under control. I have to trust that.”

You lay a hand on his forearm and give it a gentle squeeze, feeling a little steadier. “We’re in this together, right? No matter what happens, we’ve got each other’s backs.”

He nods, a small, determined smile forming. “Right.”

“Wanna tell me another story?”

“Sure,” he says softly, the tension in his shoulders easing just a little. “There’s a story about the Poincaré Conjecture — it’s one of the most famous problems in topology, and it took nearly a century to solve.”

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued despite the fatigue creeping in. “Go on.”

He begins, voice gentle and steady, “The Poincaré Conjecture was proposed by Henri Poincaré in 1904. It’s about understanding the shape of 3-dimensional spaces — specifically, whether a three-dimensional sphere is unique in its properties. Basically, Poincaré asked: if a space is simply connected — meaning any loop you draw can be shrunk to a point without leaving the space — is it necessarily a sphere?”

You try to listen, you really do. It’s fascinating, even though you’re not sure if you fully understand what he’s talking about. But you’re just so sleepy now. You lean into him slightly, feeling the subtle warmth of his presence, and let yourself close your eyes, focusing on the sound of his voice until you drift into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, comforted by the steady rhythm of his words and the gentle hum of the plane.

Thank you for reading! Reblogs and comments are always greatly appreciated :) let me know if you want to be tagged in the next chapter ♡ edit: I only add people to the tag list that engange with the fic, it's too much work otherwise ♡

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[epnusika]

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- GRI3F3R Romantic Headcanons

——————————————————————————————————

•] You must be the most patient individual in the entire world because I don't understand how you were able to handle GRI3F3R.

•] His nicknames for you are Bae, Babe, Baby, or a shortened form of your name. He's not that creative but that's okay...!

•] Would definitely show you off to his Dad that he got a partner like you—with the widest, proudest grin on his face.

"DAD! DAD!! L00K AT MY P4RTN3R, AIN'T TH3Y JUST TH3 B3ST?! HAH! 4ND U TH0UGHT I COULDN'T PULL ANY B1TCH3S!!!"

•] He then proceeds to tell his Dad everything he knows about you. He's like a highschool girl talking about their latest obsession. Which in his case is... well, you.

•] Has definitely yapped about you to his pet gorilla as well.

•] Talking about yapping... Remember the shelf in his room that was filled with unopened pack of cards? Be prepared because you're about to have hours upon hours of conversation about it. He's telling you about his favorite cards, how some of them have a lot of value and can be traded...

•] Also, he finally learned the word 'hygiene' when he got with you.

•] Anyway, he's the biggest man child ever. The first time that you were over for dinner at his Dad's, he's throwing a tantrum towards how his Dad is 'ordering' him to do the dishes.

"UGH... YOU'R3 PUSH1NG M3 AROUND AG4IN!? AND 1N FRONT 0F MY P4RTN3R TOO!? GO DO 1T YOURS3LF, DAD. 1'M A GR0WN M4N, STOP T3LL1NG ME WH4T TO DO."

•] Ironic.

•] Looking over to you though, his entire demeanor immediately switched when he saw the mortified expression on your face. He's clearing his throat, filled with shame, as he immediately stands up from his seat to gather the dirty dishes.

"ACTU4LLY... N-N3VERM1ND... SUR3 DAD, I'LL T4KE CAR3 OF THE D1SH3S."

•] Mayor Thaniyel is very grateful that his son found you. The Heavens must've heard his prayers when he prayed that his son needs to get hammered down by a peg or two.

•] Oh! And have I mentioned your bullies? No? Good, because you don't have any. With GR1EF3R as your partner, even if someone gave you the tiniest insult, he's crushing them to the dirt.

"WH4T D1D YOU JUST S4Y, PUNK!? S4Y TH4T AGA1N, I D4RE YOU. I'LL M4K3 YOU B1TE TH3 CURB. NO ON3 T4LKS TO MY P4RTN3R L1KE TH4T! AP0LOG1ZE R1GHT NOW B3FORE I CH4NGE MY M1ND 4BOUT G1VING YOU A P4SS."

•] Surprisingly, GR1EF3R'S pretty adventurous. Sure, he spends most of his time on his PC, yelling and bullying people on the internet but... When he's not? He's dragging you by the hand while you run around the jungle with giggles leaving your lips. You guys had ticked off the people of the indigenous tribe, again. For the hundredth time.

•] Still... you can't believe how flexible and agile your loser partner is.

•] Moreover, despite his enormously inflated ego, he isn't too big on PDA. He's too embarrassed to admit that he's going soft for someone. Yes, he loves you so much but... that type of thing is just out of his comfort zone.

•] That's why his love languages are gift giving and words of affirmation. At this point, he has memorized the entire jungle like the back of his hand because of how long he's lived there. So, picking up random trinkets and items around the jungle or using the pocket money that his Dad gives him so he could buy you stuff, he hands them to you in the form of a gift.

"B4BE! LOOK AT WH4T I G0T YOU! DO Y0U L1KE IT?! ...HUH? H0W D1D I G3T MY H4NDS ON TH1S Y0U ASK? 1T'S EXP3NS1VE??? N0NS3NSE!! 1 DON'T C4RE, I'LL EV3N BUY YOU AN ENT1RE BR4NDED ST0RE IF YOU 4SKED M3 TO! ANYTH1NG FOR Y0U!!!"

•] RIP Mayor Thaniyel's wallet.

•] Moving on... His words of affirmation isn't what you're imagining right now, no. If anything he's pretty bad at it. Even then, it surprisingly works on you. The slangs he uses and how he pieces words together doesn't fail to crack you up every time. At first, he's utterly puzzled when you started laughing. But then, he smiles. He's glad that you found his words silly and that he made you feel better.

•] He isn't too used to kisses, but he does have some confidence to initiate it first. Mostly just swift kisses though. Doesn't matter where but he'll do it as long as he can hide away his flustered face from you. If you caught him in a long one though, he's definitely going to want more from you. Unfortunately, he wouldn't admit it so you would have to improvise.

•] The small spoon when it comes to cuddling. Snuggled close to your body, he's grumbling about how he's just giving you the chance to be the big spoon when it's so obvious that he enjoys being held.

"DON'T L00K AT M3 L1KE THAT... AS 1F I ENJ0Y B3ING IN TH1S POS1TI0N... WH4... H-H3Y! DON'T M0VE YOUR 4RMS AW4Y! K3EP 1T WR4PP3D AR0UND M3. TSK..."

[revelboo]

Hello our dearest Revel!!! I hope you’re doing well and feeling a bit better, I remember a few days ago you said something about feeling sicky icky. Anything fun going on right now??? :) When you get the chance, can we maybe get some more of peepaw Kup?? I fucking love that old man a very normal amount, I promise 🤣 If you aren’t in the mood to write for him, though, then maybe some Swerve or TFA Ratchet??? I’m now seeing a trend in my faves lmao… Endearingly sweet and pathetic or Old Crotchety Man ™️

Sure!

Don’t You Pt 3

Kup x Reader

• Looking up at a thud and a burst of growling, alien rumbling, you stumble to your feet and gape as Kup drags in-something with Springer on his heels fussing from the sound of his alien gibberish. Whatever that thing is, you’re very glad it appears to be dead. It’s like if a squid had violet, angry sex with a deer. And Kup’s looking up at you, chewing on that metal cigar of his. “Hope you’re hungry, kid. Should last you a while.” Oh. Oh, no. But he looks so genuinely proud and his plating is scratched up from that thing, so you can’t just refuse. Even though you want to.

• Working his cygar as your mouth opens and closes, before you offer him an almost frantic smile. “Oh. Great. Thank you.” You don’t sound that grateful, though. Almost look a bit green. Hears Springer’s disgruntled venting about the mess, the thing’s blue-black blood leaving a wet trail through the ship. “I can’t eat raw meat,” you add, clasping your hands together worriedly. Picky, little thing. Shaking his head in amusement as you wander closer to the edge of the table he’d left you on, he retrieves a knife and starts sawing through the thick hide to get at the muscle underneath.

• Paling as he drives the blade into the squid-deer’s belly and saws upward, as soon as it’s slick, gray entrails pour out, you’re gagging and running for the far side of the table. Retching. “You good, kid?” He calls out as you shudder, unable to look. But you can smell it and really wish you couldn’t. How are you supposed to eat that? And the wet sound of what he’s doing isn’t helping. It seems to take forever for him to butcher that thing, hearing the old bot humming to himself as he works like he’s enjoying this. “Ain’t gonna learn anything like that. You need to know how to feed yourself if you’re going to survive.”

• Primus, help him as you make gagging noises and pointedly refuse to look at what he’s doing. Giving you a pass this time because you’ve been through a lot, but he’d been serious. You need to learn so you’re not dependent on the kindness of others, because you can’t count on that. “I don’t think I can do that,” you mutter, voice strained. No confidence in yourself. He’ll need to work on that, too. Make a little wrecker out of you, but he has a feeling he’s going to have a lot of work to do. Until then, he can protect you until you can protect yourself. Primus knows if he takes his optics off you for even a klik, everything on this world is likely to try and eat you.

• Can’t make yourself look as he cleans up. Glancing over when the smell of cooking meat fills the air. And it doesn’t smell as awful cooking at least. Someone’s dragged the carcass off somewhere, but there are black smudges on the floor still. But your stomach growls at the promise of food and your attention shifts fully to Kup. Watching him roasting the meat over an open flame with a slight frown. Trying his best to take care of you even though he doesn’t have to, just like he’d saved you when you’re nothing to him. “You can. Just need to be taught,” he says, metal cigar bobbing between his denta. Sounding so confident, but he’s the only one. A plant had nearly eaten you. No, your best bet of survival is clinging to Kup with a death grip and refusing to let go.

Previous

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[xichilie]

Your Brant stuff is wonderful, thank you for your service 🫡🫡 truly grateful for the food akajdjad

Any thoughts on a Brant soulmate au? Or reader gets hurt in battle?

I'll pop back in, so may I be 🍣 sushi anon?

Hello 🍣 ♡

I'm glad you like my work, I'm here to serve you soulmate AU Brant 🫡

Brant x (fem) reader

A Fools fate

Brant had always imagined what his soulmate might be like.

As a child, the thought had been one of whimsical daydreams. Back then, he would steal moments beneath the high arches of the Cathedral of Mercury, lying on his back on the cool stone floor, staring up at the endless patterns of stars painted across the vaulted ceiling. He used to wonder if they would be kind, if they would laugh at his jokes, if they would understand the way his mind leaped from thought to thought like a performer on a tightrope. He imagined them as a partner in mischief, someone who would run through the streets with him, hands intertwined, hearts racing as they escaped some minor trouble.

Then the banishment happened.

Then the world taught him that hope was a foolish thing.

Brant had always been called a fool, but he learned that to hope—to truly believe in something as pure as destiny—was the cruelest jest of all. The Order of the Deep had sent him away, cast him to the sea on the Pilgrim's Sail, branding him a heretic for questioning what should not be questioned. He had thought then, as the waves swallowed his screams, that fate was not kind, that if he had a soulmate, they would never find him.

But despite it all, a small, stubborn part of him still dreamed.

Even after surviving Penitent's End, even after forging the Troupe of Fools and carving out a life among those deemed unworthy, he still let himself imagine. Would his soulmate pity him? Would they look at him with disgust upon seeing he is cast away labeled a Fool? Would they recoil, realizing they were bound to a man that all of Ragunna had forsaken?

For years, these thoughts lingered at the edge of his mind, unspoken but ever-present.

And then, on a night of golden light and laughter, everything changed.

The streets of Rinascita were alive with the pulse of the Carnevale.

Music filled the air, twining through the alleys and plazas, the rhythm of drums and the soaring notes of flutes weaving into a grand tapestry of sound. Lanterns of deep crimson and gold swung overhead, casting flickering light upon the masked revelers who danced through the city in a swirl of color. Everywhere, laughter and song filled the night, drowning out all worries, all burdens. For this night, and this night alone, the past did not matter.

And yet, despite the revelry, Brant felt something pull at him—a sensation like a thread wrapped around his ribcage, tugging him forward, guiding him through the throng of people.

It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling. He had always had sharp instincts, a knack for following his gut. But this was different. This was urgent.

He wove through the crowd, past jesters and masked nobles, past merchants hawking jeweled trinkets and perfumed silks. The laughter around him faded into a distant hum, his pulse pounding in his ears. The pull grew stronger, more insistent, leading him away from the grand plazas and deeper into the quiet edges of the celebration.

And then—

He saw her.

She stood just beyond the glow of the lanterns, half in shadow, watching the festivities with quiet eyes. She wasn’t dancing, wasn’t caught up in the chaos like the others. There was something still about her, something that made the air around her feel different. A quiet presence, a beacon in the storm.

Brant stopped in his tracks.

He had spent years imagining this moment, playing out countless scenarios in his mind. He had thought that if he ever met his soulmate, he would know instantly, that there would be some great, grand revelation—music swelling, the world pausing, something unmistakable.

But in the end, it was something simpler. A deep, resonant certainty that struck him to his very core.

And then, as if fate itself wished to carve the truth into the very fabric of reality, it happened.

A golden thread shimmered into existence between them.

Brant barely had time to process what he was seeing before it moved, twisting like a ribbon caught in an invisible breeze. It wound itself around his wrist first, warm against his skin, before reaching for her and binding them together.

His breath caught.

He had always heard the stories—the golden thread of fate that tied soulmates together, a tangible mark of destiny’s will. But to see it, to feel it—

He exhaled sharply, his fingers twitching at his side.

Would she flinch? Would she look at him with fear or disgust, realizing who fate had tethered her to? He braced himself, old wounds threatening to open anew.

But when she lifted her gaze to meet his, there was no fear.

Only wonder.

Her lips parted slightly as she looked down at their bound wrists. She raised her hand, fingers brushing the golden thread as if testing whether it was real. A flicker of something passed across her face—not hesitation, not wariness, but recognition.

Brant swallowed, suddenly aware that he had been holding his breath.

"Well," he said, voice softer than usual, lacking his usual theatrical lilt. "That’s unexpected."

A breath of laughter escaped her, quiet but real. "Is it?"

"Not the soulmate part." His lips quirked into a wry smile. "But I thought the universe might have a crueler sense of humor."

She tilted her head slightly. "You don’t seem too disappointed."

Brant exhaled, glancing at the golden thread still wrapped around their wrists. "Disappointed?" He let out a breathless chuckle, shaking his head. "No. Just... wondering how I’m supposed to make a grand first impression when fate has already decided this for me."

She smiled, a small, knowing thing. "You don’t need one."

His heart stuttered in his chest.

For all his wit, all his charm, all the ways he had learned to deflect with humor, he found himself at a loss for words. Instead, he lifted his hand, gently brushing his fingers against the thread. The moment he did, warmth bloomed in his chest, spreading like sunlight after a storm.

She felt it too—he could see it in the way her breath caught, in the way her fingers curled slightly as if to hold onto that sensation.

Brant let out a shaky exhale, a slow smile tugging at his lips. "Well then," he murmured, his voice softer now, almost reverent. "It seems I have a lifetime to make up for lost time."

She smiled, and this time, it was brighter than the lanterns, warmer than the night itself.

Brant didn’t know what the future held, didn’t know what trials they would face, what obstacles lay ahead. But as he stood there, hand still bound to hers, he knew one thing for certain.

Fate had not been cruel after all.

[neil-gaiman]

Hello, Neil Gaiman. I am writing this letter of gratitude because I am in despair, but I am obliged to you. I am Russian, I live in a small town in the south of Russia, in the Caucasus. a month ago I turned 16, so now I am fully responsible for all my actions. I'm bisexual, which is now illegal. you understand what I mean, but I’m simply scared to write about such things. absolutely no one knows about this, and I have to hide every day. this is an unbearable burden, but I must say thank you. because your projects are what gives me life. you have no idea how much pleasure it was for me, at eight years old, to fearfully admire Mr. Bobinsky. when, at 14, I finally saved up money for the Russian edition of Good Omens, which I had to order via the Internet not directly, but through my friends, I was quietly delighted. it is worth paying tribute to: this edition is really good and very warms the soul, its design may not be filled with elegance with a golden border, but it is very homely, cozy and imbued with love for the work, this can be felt, even if the translation is not the best. and on the very first pages I felt something that I had never experienced, having problems with the nervous system and anxiety: I felt protected and happy. I felt complete. each line was a sip of life-giving water for me. let me be so bold but this book is perfect for me and it's hard to believe it wasn't written for me personally haha. like two pieces of a puzzle. I hold the book of Good Omens, and I cry almost every time because it feels good just to hold it in my hands. you shouldn’t put this next to fanaticism, it’s just personal happiness. sometimes I felt so safe with this book that I hugged it as I fell asleep. then I saved up to the translation of script book for the first season, and I must say that I am confused, because there are no deleted scenes in it with Crowley shopping or the opening of Aziraphale's bookstore and others, and this was not clear to me. and a month ago, on October 30, my cousin, who is like my own sister, gave me the original Good Omens for my birthday. can you imagine? in all of Russia she was able to find only one person who carried out such foreign orders (please forgive me, I have little understanding of this). so, in some ineffable way, a copy was delivered to me via America from Corgi Books, I think, 2014. soft cover and thin pages, of course, but I'm so happy. and I’m also grateful to myself, because I’ve been learning English since I was seven, and therefore I’m glad that I can read the original. oh, you should have seen with what rapture I waited for the release of the second season at three in the morning! and with what delight I watched it in English without subtitles, understanding what was happening. this is happiness. what I want to say is that you bring…indescribable happiness to my life. you give me strength, and I don’t give up. I cry every time I allow myself to dream that I am escaping from here. that I can meet you and say thank you in person with my stupid accent, not so much because of my native language, but because of the braces, hahaha. but I never stop dreaming about it, although even this is hard. thank you for everything. I wish only peace and love. with devotion, love and gratitude, A.

I'm sending thoughts of love and concern. Stay safe.

[hispg]

Comfort

Pairings: R4! Leon x Fem! Reader

Summary: Your husband is glad that he has you, just like he's glad to have his little family.

Wc:4.8k

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, p in v, mentions of ptsd, mentions of birth and pregnancy, soft sex(nothing too kinky), oral sex(f receiving), just Leon being a sweetheart.

An:So, this week has been very busy for me. As I've been saying in my last few posts, university has been taking up a lot of my time, as well as my mental health being pretty messed up. I didn't manage to finish the chapter of 'Between Love and Vows' so I probably won't post anything new until next week. In compensation, I'll post another one of my drafts (smut), I'll make a poll so you guys can choose. And next week I'll post two new chapters of the series! Thanks for your love and understanding <3 If I haven't answered your comment, ask or request, don't worry, I will eventually🫶🫶

MDNI

Sleepless nights, the nightmares that kept tormenting him, his mind that was in turmoil all the time. Leon was used to all this, he had already realized that these were sensations he would carry with him for the rest of his life.

His trauma, ptsd that haunted him every day. Things he had seen and heard, all so fresh in his memory, so vivid. Things that no matter how hard he tried to forget, he couldn't. As if it were a mark stamped on his soul.

But he coped, as he always does with everything in life. Little by little, he understood how to deal with panic attacks, how to calm down even when he was about to collapse. He learned all this, but that didn't make things any less worse than they were.

Although he thought he had everything under control, that it wouldn't affect him as much as before, he was wrong.

His last mission in Spain proved it, he went from hell to heaven to save the president's daughter. Everything worked out in the end, but that doesn't erase what he experienced or saw.

Many times he could have sworn that if it hadn't been for you, he would have gone mad a long time ago. Even if you weren't able to end the pain he felt, you were there to be the light at the end of the tunnel for him, the clarity to his own insanity.

All this because every time he returned from a mission, he came home first, not caring if he was all dirty with mud and dirt, even blood. His safe haven was here, with you.

That was the only reason he always came home, no matter how difficult things might be for him. You were what he needed, you were the person who healed all his wounds, and he couldn't be more grateful.

If it had been anyone else, he would have left you by now, but you understood him. You listened to him even if he didn't make any sense, you were still there.

Your love was the remedy for all his problems.

And if he was being honest, it was the reason he woke up every day, the only reason he had a place to call home. You, simply you.

And that night, he found himself on another one of those nights when he couldn't sleep, and there he was, pacing around the house, finding something to occupy his mind.

It had been two weeks since he had returned from his mission in Spain, and he was still terrified by everything that had happened, even though he was safe and sound in the comfort of his own home.

He woke up from a nightmare, yet another one. And in order not to wake you too, he preferred to get out of bed. You were already tired enough to have to deal with him in the wee hours of the morning.

He was so careful with you, even though you had told him several times that it was okay for him to wake you up if he needed to. But he was stubborn enough to say no.

As he made some tea, just to see if it would calm his nerves, he watched the rain falling outside, the gentle drips hitting the window.

In that silence he began to have some sweet memories, it always helped to calm him down a little. One of those memories was when he asked you to marry him, God, he still remembers the nervousness that ran through his whole body. The trembling hands that held the box with the ring, the words that he had rehearsed so much and still came out messy. He was so afraid of being told no, but his heart calmed down when you smiled and threw yourself into his arms, saying yes again and again, making his heart melt each time.

That night he fell even more in love with you, if that were possible.

When you started living together, every time he came home he was greeted with a hug, you welcomed him with love and affection. He felt his cold exterior crumble at the same moment, words couldn't describe how much he liked it. Every little gesture that came from you, no matter what, he always took it to heart and considered it with all his soul.

He still vividly remembered a conversation he had with you as soon as you moved in together. It never failed to crack a smile.

"Darling, did you let something burn?" Leon asks as he feeds himself, looking around the kitchen.

You look at him with a laugh, seeing that he arrived so tired that he didn't even realize he was still in his work clothes. And then you answer, "No, why do you ask?"

"Nothing, it's just that something stinks." He says quietly, focused on finishing his food.

You can't help yourself and a giggle escapes your lips, "You haven't showered yet, sweetheart."

"Oh..." He mumbles, looking down at his state.

He was so entertained that he only noticed a baby crying from one of the bedrooms, it was you guys son.

He didn't hesitate to go into the baby's room, watching the little one whimpering in his crib, even though he was warm and comfortable in his blankets, the little boy was still bothered by something.

Leon imagined that he wasn't hungry, since you had fed him not long ago. Then he thought it might be his diaper that was dirty, which he soon confirmed.

So the baby was in his arms the next second, he put the little boy on the changing table and changed him properly, not forgetting a single detail, from carefully wiping him down with a wet wipe, to the ointment he had to apply to prevent diaper rash.

He checked the diaper to make sure it was fastened properly. Once he'd checked everything, he rocked the baby in his arms until the little one fell asleep again.

He even sang a lullaby, one of the little boy's favorites. He still thought it sounded ridiculous, but he didn't care as long as it soothed the baby.

Every time he looked at the little one's face, he couldn't hold back the loving smile that always appeared on his lips. It was still hard to believe that he had his own little family.

It's still clear in his memory when you announced that you were pregnant, the uncertainty and fear that consumed him. The anguish he felt, the apprehension of being a bad father. As well as the shock he felt when he received the news, since it wasn't something either of you were expecting. Not least because you had just started living together, so it was a lot all at once. But nothing that shook the relationship, quite the opposite.

But every time he saw you laugh, every time you came home with a little baby thing, whether it was clothes, shoes or even a toy. He couldn't contain his joy at the thought that he was going to be a father, that he was going to have a child.

It wasn't long before he started buying lots and lots of things for the baby, rattles, diapers, baby cloths, various types of educational toys, plush toys and everything else.

In a matter of weeks, the spare room in the house was full and ready to receive the baby, even if you weren't that far along in your pregnancy.

Not only did he become even more protective, the kind that wouldn't even let you lift a thing, but he accompanied you throughout your pregnancy. From start to finish. Even though he sometimes had to leave for work, he never failed to call you, even if it was late at night.

He always made video calls to see how you were doing, even talking to the baby in your belly on the phone. Even if they were quick calls, he still made sure they happened.

It was obvious that he wanted to be there for you, and he made it clear whenever he could, because he did everything for you, simply everything. Craves? He'd arrange anything you wanted. Going out late at night to buy a slice of cake in a particular flavor? Well, he was there. He would go to the end of the earth to find whatever you wanted.

When you were uncomfortable he was there, always whispering kind things to you, always trying to calm you down and relax in his embrace, trying to give you all the security you could have. He still remembers when your water broke, you were so calm, and he was about to have a heart attack.

Yet he was with you the whole way, holding your hand as you went into labor.

But all his worry went away as soon as he heard the baby's cry, the little being that had just come out of you. He still remembers the unconditional love he felt as soon as he laid eyes on the little one, as soon as he saw you cradling the boy in your arms, crying with exhaustion and joy. Just as he was crying as much as the baby, he felt so happy that he couldn't imagine being anywhere else but there with you and your bundle of joy.

"What are we going to call him?" Leon asked through tears, wiping away his own with the back of his hand.

"I don't know, sweetheart, we agreed that if it was a boy you'd choose." You say in a whisper, giving him a small smile. Rocking the newborn in your arms.

"No, I'd rather you chose." He says softly, running his fingers through the baby's thin golden strands, which by the way had the same hair as his father.

"Leon-," he doesn't let you finish, giving you a kiss on the lips. Letting his forehead rest on yours, looking at you with tear-filled eyes and a sweet smile.

"You've already given me one of the greatest joys of my life. Nothing could be fairer than for you to choose any name you like." Kind words that made your heart melt, and you just nodded.

At that moment he realized that there was no better place in the world. That there was nowhere else he wanted to be, all he needed was you.

While he was lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice that the little one had already fallen asleep, making cooing noises, his mouth hanging open while he slept peacefully. Even the way he slept was like Leon's, it was funny to see how similar the two of them were.

Then he slowly placed the little one in his crib, tucking him into the covers and making sure he was warm and comfortable for the rest of the night.

He stayed for a few more minutes, humming some more until he was sure the boy wouldn't wake up too soon.

After that he moved into the kitchen, where he found you awake, which was enough to make him wrinkle his eyebrows.

"Love?" He asks softly, moving towards you.

You answer him with a smile, giving him a hug, "You should have called me."

He shakes his head, kissing the top of your head, "I didn't have to."

You pout, giving him a playful pat on the shoulder.

"Here, I've made your tea. I've also put out a slice of cake for you." You murmur with a smile, pointing to the plate on the table.

He chuckles, holding your face and kissing the tip of your nose.

"You're amazing." He whispers before walking over to the table and sitting down, taking a sip of tea and eating the cake, which, by the way, was his favorite flavor.

So you sat next to him, waiting for him to finish eating silently.

"Your food is fucking good." Leon says, taking a bite of his cake and smiling at you.

You couldn't help but giggle, knowing that even if you burned the food, he'd eat it and say it was good.

"No, you're just being nice." You say softly, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

He laughed genuinely, entwining his fingers with yours. Then he lifted your hand and kissed the back of it.

You were always amazed by his loving gestures, which he always made towards you. And so the two of you remained until he had finished eating, rubbing his thumb against your hand to give it a gentle caress.

When he had finished, he leaned back in his chair and sighed, looking at you with a smile. But you couldn't help noticing the dark circles under his eyes, just as he still had a few scratches and bruises all over his body. As well as the scars, some new, some old. All a mark of his profession.

"Did you have another nightmare?" you ask, running your fingers along his cheekbones, smiling softly.

He nodded with a tired sigh, leaning into your touch, "No big deal."

You knew that he always hid these things from you, not least because it took time for him to feel comfortable sharing the events of his mission with you.

"You can tell me, smartass." You said smiling, rubbing your nose against his, letting his hand rest on the small of your back.

His lips curved into a small smile, just as his eyes met yours. And that was enough to make you blush slightly, no matter how long you'd been together, he always had that effect on you.

The rain began to fall harder outside, enough to make you both look out of the window. The rain left a comfortable atmosphere in the kitchen, just the two of you sharing the warmth of your bodies, making that cold night a little warmer.

You picked up the dishes and took them to the sink, taking the opportunity to wash them right away. And it wasn't long before you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist, just as he rested his chin on your shoulder, his warm breath beating against you.

"I swear to God I love the smell of your lotion." He purrs, rubbing his nose against your neck, hugging you tightly.

You smiled, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. Even if it was late at night, those moments were so precious to you both. A little intimacy was always nice.

But even with all the affection coming from him, you could feel how tense his muscles were, how his breathing wasn't very regulated. Every time he had these nightmares, they took a while to wear off, and he was still scared for a good few hours.

You then turned to him, held his face in your hands and looked at him seriously, "You should have called me."

He knew how this conversation would go. But to be honest, he wasn't paying attention to your speech, only to the way your lips moved as you spoke, your sweet voice entering his ears. Even if it was you scolding him.

All he could do was give you a silly little smile, stroking your cheeks with his thumb. No matter how much you talked, he would forget the next day. He just didn't want to worry you with his work matters.

Gently he put his index finger to your lips, whispering, "Why don't you hush, darling?"

You widened your eyes, preparing to protest, but he interrupted you, giving you a loving kiss. The kiss was full of affection and tenderness, just as he wasted no time in wrapping his arms around your waist once again, gluing your body to his.

Without giving you time to say another word, he carried you in his arms, taking you to your room like a princess, as if you weighed nothing, he did it with the purest ease.

His grip was firm, as if he didn't want to let you go, he wanted to have you there, in his arms.

Your room was dark, lit only by the faint light of the moon, while the rain continued to fall outside. It wasn't long before he laid you down on the mattress, letting you sink into the soft surface.

The door locked, the baby asleep, just the two of you in that room. The perfect moment for what was about to happen.

No matter how many times Leon looked at you, he always lost his breath, his breath caught in his throat.

You were so beautiful, so perfect, he didn't know how he had been so lucky to have found someone like you, and he couldn't thank you enough for that.

His hands began to move slowly up your thigh, callused fingers caressing the soft skin, letting his hand wander over the flesh, touching you with all the passion he had to offer. And he would do this for the rest of your life.

His mouth finding your neck, his hot breath making you gasp, letting him do whatever he wanted with you.

Soon the wet kisses began, leaving his lips hovering over the weak spots that he knew, he knew exactly where to touch, because he knew well that every touch of his made your body shiver with desire.

"You're beautiful." He whispers, giving your thigh a light squeeze, feeling the soft fabric of your nightgown on the back of his hand.

You give a sly smile, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him close.

He soon understands what you want, and he gives it to you right away. A tender, passionate kiss, gently capturing your lips.

You don't know how, but he always manages to show his devotion to you with every kiss, every touch, every night of love. He makes it seem like the first time, always showing you how much he loves you.

His fingers keep tracing your thigh, feeling how warm your body gets from his touch. Your body reacting under his, squirming and shivering, an incentive for him.

When he pulls away from you a little, just to stop the kiss. He nibbles your lip, lifts your leg and grabs the back of your thigh.

Making a point of giving you wet kisses all over your neck, shoulders, collar bone, all to hear the sweet sounds that escaped your lips every time, the way you begged softly for him to continue.

"Oh, fuck Leon..." You whimpered, watching his fingers purposely wrap around the strap of your panties, he was taking his time.

As he always did, because he wanted to make sure he gave you all the affection he could give.

As soon as their trail of kisses went down to your chest, he spared no effort in giving little kisses to your nipples, which were already hard, crying out for any kind of touch and attention.

It was more than enough for you to let out several moans and low squeaks, letting your hands nestle in his golden strands, feeling the softness they contained.

Both his hands slid under your nightgown, and before long his fingers were playing with the waist line of your panties, fingering and stretching, all the while keeping an eye on your every reaction.

The look he had in store for you was yours alone, he had never looked at anyone else like that. Nor would he ever, you were the only one capable of bringing it out of him. The only one.

Just as you never tired of looking into those gentle blue eyes, similar to the color of the sky, or even the ocean. You lost your breath every time.

And there he went, slowly dropping wet kisses over the thin fabric of your nightgown, feeling your body tremble beneath his, just as he made a point of running his fingers over the wet surface of your panties, only to give a smug smile, knowing that he could get you soaking wet for so little.

As soon as he reached your navel, he lifted your nightgown completely, exposing your lower body, which was enough for him to let out a low noise, excited by the image in front of him. Which only fueled his cock to throb even more under his pants.

"I wonder what I did to make you like this." Leon said with a sly, mischievous smile, sliding his index finger down your slit.

Did he know the answer? Of course he did. But it was nicer to hear it from your mouth, your sweet voice echoing through the room.

"You know, you just need to touch me..." You said with a pout, looking at him with piteous eyes, a look he already knew well. And yet it broke his smile every time.

"Because of me?" He purrs, pushing his fingertips against your covered pussy, teasing you as far as he can.

You whimper, spreading your legs as if it were an automatic reaction from your body. Understanding the signal, he pulls you a little closer to the edge of the bed, taking off your panties and sliding them down your legs, soon the garment was lying in a corner of the room.

You were there, completely exposed to him, legs dangling from his shoulders, clit throbbing and begging him to do something.

It felt like magic, every time he touched you he was able to drive you crazy with the smallest things. You often got wet just watching him, seeing the way the muscles in his arms flexed every time he held your legs tighter.

Or the way he always looked at you throughout the process, as he positioned his face close to your center, biting and licking your inner thigh, making sure to leave soft marks all over the area. He loved looking at the love bites the next day, not least because you looked beautiful with each one.

"You're all mine, aren't you?" He asked in a whisper, which sounded more like a question to himself. Especially because he didn't even need to hear the answer.

You were about to answer, but your mind turned to crumbs as soon as he started planting wet, caressing kisses in your folds, letting his tongue linger in certain spots.

His wet muscle slid into your wet pussy, making you arch your body and tremble under him. The tip of his tongue brushed against your clit, swirling around your sensitive part, enough for you to roll your eyes and moan a little louder.

"That's so good, so good..." You mumble, biting your lower lip to hold back your moans.

Every time he eat you out, he didn't hold back with the noises he made, he didn't even care about the slurping noises he made, or the way he did it in a completely sloppy way.

Not least because he never wasted any time, it wasn't long before he was fucking you with his tongue. Moving in and out, hitting all your sweet spots.

It didn't take long for you to be a mess, moaning and whimpering, your sounds echoing around the room. Your hands nestled in his hair, pushing his head against you, letting him get buried in your thighs.

Despite this, you couldn't help but crave his cock, a need to have it inside you, you needed him fucking you.

"Leon..." You called out, rolling your hips against his mouth, you could already feel your orgasm approaching.

He smiled sideways, kissing all over your intimate area, making a point of running his tongue over it in the process. The way he did this so masterfully left no doubt that he knew exactly what to do to bring you to the edge, he knew exactly.

As soon as he started tongue-fucking you one more time, it was enough for you to come apart in his mouth, gushing out all your climax. You could feel your body hot and bothered, your mind confused and without any other thoughts. It was surreal the way your orgasms with him were always that intense.

Just as he spared no expense in giving you sloppy, wet kisses on your wet folds, as if he were smoothing the area, taking the opportunity to clean up the mess that was between your legs. Even though he was about to make another one.

"It tastes fucking good, love." He purrs, licking his lips and lifting his head.

Having the beautiful image of you, with your legs spread, sweaty body, chest rising and falling. The way your eyelids were closed and your lips were open was more than enough to send a wave of electricity to his cock. Which, by the way, was already leaking pre-cum, the wet spot on his sweatpants was already clearly visible.

He wasted no time in removing his pants and underwear, letting his cock pop out. Which was a divine sign for you, seeing every inch of his shapely body, the way he was hard as a rock.

His cock resting in his palm, as he gave it a few small pumps, watching the precum drip down a little. Despite this, his eyes were focused on you, the way you bit your lip and stared at him.

"Please?" You ask in a whisper, spreading your legs even wider for him.

In response, he gives you a puffy smile, rubbing the tip of his cock against your clit, his sticky liquid pooling with your own juices.

You whimper and pout to get him in at once. As if on command, he obeyed, lifting your legs over his shoulder and fitting himself into you. Hissing once he was all the way in, the way your walls clenched around him was enough to elicit a grunt from him.

"So fucking eager..." He whispers in your ear, taking the opportunity to nibble on it. Making you gasp easily.

"Oh-Oh, so deep!" You moan, your nails sinking into the muscles of his back, a reaction he loved every time.

You can't say how, but he thrust into you in such a sensual way, his hips rolling with a dexterity you couldn't even describe in words. It was calm, sexy, who knows how you could describe it.

His eyes never left yours, he could reach all your weak points, all the places where he made you roll your eyes and curl your toes.

At that point, he didn't even try to understand you. Not least because you could only mumble half-words, whimpers or moans, and he couldn't have been prouder to leave you in that state. Your mind so foolish as he fucked you numb.

"Are you going to come already, love?" He asks softly, kissing your cheeks and pulling you even closer.

"Mhmhm." You hum and nod, feeling your walls tighten around him. Just like the feeling of butterflies in your stomach that you were beginning to feel.

He chuckled, speeding up his thrusts, making an even louder sound of skin hitting skin. He wouldn't be long either, he'd probably come right after you.

And there you went the moment he started making circles with his thumb on your clit, you're sure you went to heaven at the same moment.

Your lips parted only for you to let out a silent scream, a noise that came from deep in your throat. He was quick to pull you into a hot, thirsty kiss, moving at a much faster speed than before.

He wanted to get there now.

In and out he went, feeling his cock throb with each jerk of his hips. On the last thrust he came, thrusting deep, spilling all his seed into you, as deep as he could.

He let out a grunt through your lips, holding your sides tightly.

By the end you were panting, covered in a thin layer of sweat. When the kiss ended, he rested his forehead on yours, giving a silly, tired smile.

"Sore?" He murmurs under his breath, trailing kisses down your cheek.

"Maybe a little." You whisper, closing your eyes and sinking into the mattress.

He then gets off you and places you properly on the bed, rolling you under the covers, and then doing the same. He hugs you from behind and cuddles you, giving you massages in the places he knew would be sore. He loved worshiping your body, and you couldn't complain.

"I love you." He says, full of love and tenderness.

"I love you too." You return, kissing his hand.

You fell asleep a few minutes later, and he watched you sleep as always, giving you kisses and caresses from time to time.

He loved you so much he couldn't explain it, you were his comfort. Everything he needed most. You and your son were his adored little family.

And the way he loved you, he knew that you would be the death of him.

Oh God, how he loves you.

[hydrobunny]

i remember it all too well

tags: angst, post breakup, flashbacks, journalist reader, angst angst angst, it's all too well come on now

a/n: happy belated birthday sae itoshi

your world pauses the day sae itoshi is spotted with a new girlfriend.

the photos are blurry, paparazzi shots taken from at least one building over. it doesn't matter. you would know the curve of his arm around a waist in a thousand different lives.

you have to admit she fits him. even as your hands shake, you can't deny that they look happy- something the two of you weren’t so good at.

it doesn’t stop you from harboring too-many amounts of memories all the same.

you met him before he had joined the world of the superstars, but after he had already been something greater. (you think that if you had met him before everything, you two would’ve fared better.)

by the time you two had locked eyes, he was already changed. something inside of him had shifted, turning away from everyday life and facing immortal legacies instead. you had falsely believed you held a place in it.

you should’ve known better, right from the very first words he spoke to you.

“you’re not supposed to be here.”

you pause, looking up from your phone to face the voice.

cold eyes glare down at you, beautiful in color. the boy - because he can only be around your age, barely leaving the teenage years at most - they belong to is just as annoyingly beautiful. you think you should recognize him.

“excuse me?” you ask, offense rising. “i know where i’m supposed to be.”

his eyes only narrow. “is this another shitty tactic? i said i was done with interviews.”

“good for you, dude.” you roll your eyes, pushing past his shoulder. “why anyone would ever want to interview you, i have no idea.”

as you leave, you can feel his gaze on your back.

you blink, shaking yourself out of whatever that was. it's not good to linger on the past. (your therapist had told you that.)

still, she has also told you that one couldn't grow without recognizing what exactly they had to grow from.

perhaps that's why you find yourself rummaging in your bedside drawer for a deeply buried box, the ends of your fingers numb.

when you open it, you’re met with nothing but a handful of flimsy keepsakes. from fraying bracelets to notes to polaroids. all of them are snapshots of a relationship no longer yours, artifacts of what used to be your heart.

in each flashback, sae itoshi lingers.

the next time you met him, you had learned that he was supposedly a household name. (never in your household, though.)

the great hope of japan’s future -despite what he himself had to say about the country.

you’re a little embarrassed by what happened. still, you refuse to take all the blame.

“sae itoshi,” you blurt out. “you’re here.”

those stunning eyes flicker to you, and he actually pauses. recognition actually stops him.

“you’re the one who was lost,” he says, mildly. “not pretending to not know me this time?

you flush. “in my defense, i didn’t know you. i don't do the sports section.”

he raises an eyebrow. “then why am i still seeing you?”

before you can respond, your boss comes rushing through the hallway, sweat beading on his brow.

“itoshi-san!” he blusters, barely sparing you a glance. “we’re so glad you’re here! is the intern bothering you? your interview is in the next room over, so if you just want to follow me- we're so grateful you decided to give us your exclusive.”

something twitches on sae’s face. “intern?”

offense rears its head in your chest. “what-”

“i’ve changed my mind,” sae interrupts mildly. he turns to you, taking hold of one of the many pens lying on your desk.

ask you and your boss watch in bewilderment, he leans down and scrawls something on your notepad.

“she’ll get the exclusive,” he says, straightening back up. “when she isn't an intern anymore.”

and he turns and walks out of the building, leaving nothing but a string of numbers on a sticky note.

the same sticky note rips between your fingers. once you start, you can't stop yourself, until all you're left with is a pile of bright yellow scraps.

you move onto the next item. a wiry black wristband; one half of a forever missing set.

you had been dating sae itoshi for exactly one month. all of your friends still thought it was as some long-standing elaborate joke. at certain times, you couldn't believe it yourself either.

despite it all, despite every little memory you can pore over for hours at a time, you can’t pinpoint the exact moment when things changed.

it’s a strange truth, one you’ve struggled to come to terms with- but it's a truth. if someone were to ask you when your relationship with sae soured, you wouldn't be able to say.

perhaps it wasn't a singular moment. maybe it was a long time in the making, like how a banana slowly browns- until one day, it’s rotted.

either way, one form of heartbreak or another, the truth was this:

you and sae itoshi had ended.

[whateyescantsee]

When the Past Clings to the Present

Part Three

Summary: Remmick is hungry.

Notes/Warnings: mentions of Remmick feeding, squint mention of blood, thoughts on what immortality gave him. Images from Jack’s film Lady Chatterly’s Lover used in the collage. So excited that we get a digi copy soon. Yes, I pre-ordered it. Did you?

❤️s, feedback, comments & reblogs are appreciated. Want to be tagged? Just ask! 💐Thank you for reading!💐

“Now, remember we can lure a few away. And we are not there to make any new members for our family.”

He looked at the three of them.

“When, can I make myself a companion?”

Annoyance evident in his voice, though feeling it was already grating. He was half tempted to roll him out into the next dawn the next time they all slumbered. It would not be the first time he sacrificed one of his own to keep himself safe. He had learned about self preservation long ago.

He wasn’t about to lose it all to some whiny singer, whose singing began lacking once given the gift of immortality. He kept that to himself though. He also had learned long ago how to shield himself and his thoughts from others of his kind. It had come in handy more times than he cared to remember.

“You have more learning to do my son.” He clapped him on the back.

A mumble came from the kid.

Fabric, twirled beside him. He curled his lips and made his mood light as he looked over. He saw that his young wife had tied back the wild tresses that curled and fell down your shoulders with a ribbon, you had snagged from one of your victims. You were learning that victims provided opportunities for gain more than merely blood and possible companionship.

“You look as fresh as a flower.” He reached and gave her cheek a quick touch against her cheek.

“I’m glad. I want to be pretty.” You said in a mixture of soft and higher tones.

Reminded him of a bird song, not always wanted but could be enjoyable at times.

“You are dear, lass.”

*******

As they grew closer, relief washed over him. He took in the layout of the gathering. It was big, most taking place outside. Trees and bushes framed the party. He watched as one came from the shadows of the trees, relief very plain on their face. Those trees would make a perfect cover. The nearest dwelling was a fair distance away. Not in running distance, the thought mused him. But if things went the way he wished, no one would notice anything was amiss till they were already gone.

There were tables with cloths draped on them, they were littered with plates of food eaten and ready to be consumed. The scent of alcohol prickled his nose. Many of them were warmed by the consuming of everything in large quantities. Their moods were soft and pleasant. He felt only merriment no quarrel was in the air.

He could feel they were all family with lots of smaller families and wives or husbands. This would be like picking the best herring or pickle from a jar.

“Now we are the be pleasant and gracious. No violent picks or attacks. Drink your fill but remember the surroundings. If do this right, we could probably have a few to feed on.” He reflected on it. “This feeding could appease the hunger for at least a month, perhaps longer. So don’t get messy.”

Jacob, he felt needed to hear this more than her. That’s what made her a good wife. She followed his lead. Jacob had made quite a mess the last time. He could control the beast that resided deep inside of them. It ruled when the hunger took over. It was what gave their body, mind immortality.

“I’ll try not to get too excited.” A sharp chuckle came from Jacob, he slid him a look and the chuckle ceased.

*******

“Well, my sister has one. Her husband got her one.” A pout formed on soft face as she folded her ams in front of her.

“Doll, you got to tell him that you deserve to have one of those manglers.”

He nodded, slowly as he allowed a smile to cross his face. Resting a hand on the tree trunk beside the pouting blonde he leaned in close. He could feel as her heart skipped. She smelled so good. She had soaked herself with flower petals before this get together. She was as fresh like the flowers she had plucked. It pleased him. He didn’t always get someone that fresh and sweet. As he spoke to her, he could feel as she grew more charmed his understanding words.

“A gas powdered one. Top of the line.” He suggested, he drew a little closer.

“Yes.”

The blonde glanced away, she was nervous. He watched her throat move when she swallowed. The faint hint of one of her veins called to him. He licked at his bottom lip.

"You are very dapper." She breathed the words.

He smiled, his mask was on. He would look flattered by her words.

Her eyes came back to his, she shifted against the tree as she looked up at him.

"Has, has anyone ever told you?" The words clung to her, making them stumble out of her mouth as she grew flushed by his attention.

He drew closer, she easily began to swoon under him. Easily, he scooped her up and held her to him. She didn't fight, she was entranced.

She inhaled what would be one of her final breaths.

It was so easy. A smirk curled his lips to one side.

"A few." He murmured, softly as his lips grazed her throat that appeared delicate in the light of the moon that filtered through the oak leaves.

Her heart skipped hard, he felt it. Holding onto to her tighter. Elation filling him, takingba handful of her curly blonde strands, he inhaled as he sank his fangs in. He had so entranced, barely a murmured escaped her lips. She would feel no pain. Her life, the coppery scarlet warmth filled his mouth.

Moments, all at once came to his mind. He finally saw what she had spoken of; where she had asked for that clothes straightener, seeing her sisters. It did not stop there, the memories that came to him went even deeper. He saw how her husband had courted her, promised her the world but fell short all the time. Yet, she still cared and had understood. Just before she dimmed and took her last breath. He saw him, she had caught sight as he walked up. It had been her uncle who had warmly welcomed them and told them to join them in the merriment.

He was still handsome, had good figure all these years. It made him proud. When immortality had been bestowed on him all aging had ceased. Yet, he had met others with his gift that had not been good to their bodies and it showed.

Now they did things to hide whatever damage they may have done. Wearing a hat, or a scarf to hide the mars that had inflicted on themselves.

He was tidy, he kept himself. Always had, even when the breath of life and his soul had resided inside of him. He had never suffered any permanent scars in any scuffles over the years. His chest swelled happily with how he had maintained. He gave her peace in her final moments, and she stilled forever in his arms. The gash from his fangs would remain; it would startle her family, especially that husband that had taken her for granted. He felt that she had been aware but still had cared for him.

Just as he laid her down, placing a hand over her heart, when a loud screeching scream filled the night air.

Anger ignited in him. Jacob, had fucked up.

*******

They ran. Earth, rocks and moss all were kicked up as they ran.

Those in pursuit, gave no quarter. Flames flickered, shouts assaulted the air.

He had to focus. Where could they go? How could they hide? Did he really want to expel energy? His hunger was sated, nourished. Fucking Jacob.

[creatingblackcharacters]

So, this might seem a bit out of place but I wanted to thank you for something

I'm a mixed white latine who was raised with the idea that my hair wasn't meant to be curly or have curls. As an adult though, my hair has gone from 2a to 3c which is even curlier than my dad's hair who I got those genes from

Because of this I got a lot of identity issues and self-care problems when it comes to my hair. I never knew what shampoo to use or how to comb it or how to draw myself, and like, because of this blog I'm not only learning things about depicting Black characters and characters of color, I'm learning about myself? I don't have Black hair or anything of course but, I am finally starting to feel less insecure about my hair you know? It's the closest I've ever gotten to feeling seen for what I really am

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, in any case please just understand I'm very very grateful for everything you do in this blog, you deserve the world 💕💕💕

I'm glad to hear that you're learning how to love yourself through being around community, and that you chose to take it as a way to learn about and love yourself while celebrating others, rather than a threat or an insult to your own identity. God knows you're catching on to something white folk desperately need to. I'm happy to hear this space has been healing enough for you to do this!

[xmencompletionistgirl]

Alright, I guess this is my "yap about the Fall of the Mutants" post? This is my first major milestone completed while I'm running this blog so I'll ramble for a bit. This isn't really an event in the traditional sense, like, none of the X-titles actually cross over in meaningful ways other than a member of one book learning about the goings-on of another book via the news or something. So there isn't a grand narrative to comment on, the connecting thread is thematic, I guess. It's really just a glorified status quo change-up, which all events are in theory, but it doesn't actually really have the crossover element of the event which is kind of the selling point, so??? either way I'll talk about each book one at a time

(Uncanny X-Men #225-227)

May as well start with Uncanny. Shockingly, I don't have a ton to say. I think it was fine, but not amazing. Tbh I feel like Claremont's writing falters a bit whenever he's writing about 'end of the world' type stuff on a cosmological scale. The Phoenix Saga is great, but beyond that when he does these 'end of the universe' things it's all very similar, like a mini-Phoenix Saga repackaged. He's in love with these sweeping concepts of the world being in balance, very New Age, and he gets sort of lost in it. I don't have a great way of articulating it, though, and I'll save some of my deeper thoughts on his writing for a big fat Claremont era post once I finish his run. Some cool visuals anyway, and I'm glad that Storm has her powers back. We'll see where the 'world thinks the X-Men are dead' stuff goes, but I'm guessing it's not going to last very long.

(Power Pack #33)

X-Factor, also fine. Also not a ton to say. It was probably the weakest of the 3 overall, but not for lack of trying. I just find these early Apocalypse stories kind of dry? They aren't really saying much with his character, at least not yet. Not a fan of the 'dumb Beast' stuff either, no idea how long that last. I hope this leads to a power reset with him and getting his blue fur back, I really don't like looking at hairless Silver Age Beast. That being said, thank GOD X-Factor as Mutant Hunters era is over. Jfc what a bad concept. Simonson did her best to salvage it but you can physically feel her grating against the concept with every issue she writes. I feel so bad for her for inheriting Bob Layton's mess.

Oh I almost forgot; I hate Caliban in this?? Like, I really don't buy his turn to Apocalypse at all :( Probably the only part of this event that made me a bit irritated.

Every non-X-book tie-in was related to X-Factor, for some reason, also. It's really the only part of all of this that feels like a big event, but it's downplayed. Power Pack and Daredevil all the clear standouts. Really good. Pictured above, the Power Pack issue does a phenomenal job of selling the scale of it from a kids' perspective. Everything is on this incomprehensible scale and watching this giant rectangle of a spaceship knock into stuff in New York really sells how big of a threat Apocalypse is. And Daredevil is an on-the-street version of that, moreso focused on how New Yorkers react to this battle and think that the end of the world is here. It's a very human story and I really should read Nocenti's Daredevil run sometime, it seems pretty good.

The Fantastic Four tie-in was painfully average and the Captain America one was awful. Avoid them lol, they are very mired in their own continuity. Luckily I was familiar enough with the F4's history that I caught on quick, but they are in a VERY weird era here. No Reed or Sue, the Thing is in his pointy rock-skin era, She-Thing just got made, Doctor Doom has been ousted from Latveria... just madness. As for Cap, it's more comprehensible but it's just not very good. They're in the John Walker era and Steve has been forced out of the role (and is wearing USAgent's future costume), but he and Falcon and... *checks notes* Demolition Man a.k.a. D-Man and Nomad-but-not-the-Steve-Rogers-one,-the-Jack-Munroe-one (alright?) go and stop Famine from destroying a fuckton of crops in Nebraska or something and that's it, that's the whole tie-in. No mention of X-Factor iirc. Really weird book.

(New Mutants Vol. 1 #60)

And now, the New Mutants. Once again the BEST X-Family book. I'm a New Mutants girlie, I will stan them until my dying breath and that is THAT. I have so much to say. The book is great, Sunspot and Warlock are back, and the falling out with Magneto and the death of Doug actually sells the event!! It really feels like only they go through a status quo change worthy of the name 'The Fall of the Mutants'. It's a fairly average adventure for them to start with, and there's a bit too much fixation on a fairly uncompelling villain for my liking, but at the end of #60, a switch flicks. Doug dies in a really brutal, unceremonious way. He's just shot by the villain of the arc and that's it. He's dead.

(New Mutants Vol. 1 #60)

(New Mutants Vol. 1 #61)

I love. LOVE. Watching Illyana go demon mode on these guys. No notes. Please more of this before she's uh, out of commission until like 2007 lol.

(New Mutants Vol. 1 #61)

And then #61 is mourning. Everyone lashing out at each other and Magneto... being Magneto, ultimately pushes everyone away out of fear. I don't think my screenshots can capture it, it's really great stuff. (Also, that panel of Illyana crying about pretending to be a normal kid while sitting next to the body of her dead friend? Art.)

(Uncanny X-Men #227)

I almost forgot about this, but in Uncanny #227 we get a checkup with Kitty and Kurt, who are back! The sigh of relief I let out omg. I didn't even realize how much I missed them or how long it's been. Excalibur soon!!!!

Overall, it was alright! I'd say it's a step up from Mutant Massacre at least, which I thought was a bit all over the place. Events were a new concept back then though, and very clearly an editorial mandate, so I guess that's to be expected. I'd say read it if you're a Claremont era fan or an event completionist, but otherwise, eh. Not terrible, not mindblowing.

Except for New Mutants. That was great. Did I turn my Fall of the Mutants post into a New Mutants shill post? Yes I did and I won't apologize

[babyangelsky]

My Favorite Shows of 2024 💖✨

Welcome to Babyangelsky's 2024 Wrap Up! To commemorate my second year of watching QL dramas, and my first year of actually talking on my blog, I've compiled a series of lists to celebrate all the QL things I loved this year!

Please feel free to take my categories and make lists of your own and tag me in them if you do!

💜 All the lists can be found here! 💜

We've arrived at my final list! If you've read all of my lists, some of them, or only this one, thank you! I've really enjoyed looking back and talking about everything I loved this year.

May we receive even more QL blessings in 2025 💖

♡ Love Sea

There are many shows that I loved this year and many favorites among them, but this one is my very favorite. This is my show. I could not begin to tell you how excited I was when we learned that we'd be getting a new FortPeat project and that we were going to get to see them act together again. I love them both so much that I was always going to love this show because of them regardless of what it ended up being.

But what it ended up being was a really damn good show. I don't care what anyone says. It was so much more than just amazing chemistry and love scenes. I was writing about this show weekly. It had me talking about the acting and styling, keeping track of colors, doing scene breakdowns and character analysis, coming up with clown theories, the whole nine.

Love Sea is that girl. For me.

♡ I Saw You in My Dream

This show gave us the softest, sweetest love, mutual horniness, joyous sex, casual affection, supportive parents, and then without even trying, it also healed everyone's religious trauma in the kindest and gentlest way possible. It was wonderful and refreshing and healing to see queer characters have a warm, loving relationship with their faith and have it be something that gave them comfort and that they could share.

Seeing Ai just casually sitting in a cathedral to find some peace meant so much to me. I'm so happy and grateful that this show exists.

♡ Unknown

I want this show injected directly into my veins because, babes, everything about it is like heroin to me. It's not just a favorite of the year, it's a favorite of all time. It's quiet in this intense way that I really enjoy, which is a quality shared by a few other entries on this list. I love when a show can make me feel everything and god, did this make me feel everything.

I've already talked about how phenomenal the acting is in my favorite performances list but it's impossible to praise this show without also talking about the lighting and cinematography and colors and chemistry because it's all beautiful. It's a goddamn masterpiece.

♡ Knock Knock Boys

I genuinely love when a show takes me by surprise. I hadn't even fully decided whether I was going to watch it or not before it aired and I don't quite remember what convinced me to give it a chance, but I'm so glad that I did.

You look at it and think all you're gonna get from it is a fun silly time. And you do get a fun silly time! Then you go a little deeper and you realize what you actually have is a series about learning to communicate within relationships and outside of them, making peace with yourself, navigating love and sex, and figuring out what you really want in life, all tied up in this giant sparkly sex positive bow. It's an absolute gem.

♡ We Are

We Are is the epitome of what I like to call a cotton candy show: it's sweet, fluffy, and fun. There aren't really any stakes, there's not a whole lot going on. It's just a little treat there to give you a good time.

And boy howdy did it air when I needed it most. I had a very, very rough summer and every episode of this show felt like I was getting a hug. It was so cozy and comforting. It was a love letter to friendship and it has my entire heart.

♡ Our Youth

At the time of writing this series still has three episodes left before it ends and even though a lot can go wrong in three episodes, I'm still confident in saying that this is one of my favorite shows of the year. In fact, this may be my favorite Japanese BL. Full stop.

There is just something so...entrancing about it. That quiet intensity I mentioned earlier. I love how it uses silence and light, I love that every piece of dialogue feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, I especially love what Kamimura Kenshin has done and continues to with his portrayal of Haruki. I just love everything about this drama. Everything.

♡ Two Worlds

I was so damn excited for this show from the moment I first saw the pilot. It was one of my most anticipated dramas of the year and not only is it my favorite MaxNat project to date, it was my first time ever writing about colors!

The killer chemistry and truly beautiful love scenes were all but a given and the fantasy element was a trip, but writing about the colors was what really made this for me. The sleeper color demon in my brain (which sneaks in when you attend @respectthepetty Colors College) had me looking at the stitching on clothing and the exact shades used in any given plaid pattern to try and make sense of the random and ever-changing use of colors in this show and I had the time of my life doing it.

♡ Love for Love's Sake

We had this show for a grand total of TWO WEEKS. Isn't that insane?Just two weeks and it gave us these beautiful characters who tore us all open in the best way and left us gasping for air and infinitely glad that this show was made and that we got to watch it. That was my experience, at least.

To me this is a show about learning to heal and to love yourself through loving somebody else. There are as many interpretations of it as there are people who watched it--as it should be--and mine ultimately comes down to this: Myung Ha's best friend loved him so much and wanted so dearly for him to be happy that he created a reality where Myung Ha got the love and sense of belonging that he always deserved, and it was beautiful.

♡ Wandee Goodday

What's even better than being blessed with the gift that is bunny boy Great Sapol? Sex positivity! Condoms! Advocating for sexual health! The bunny boy being the greenest flag in all the land! Ace rep! Ace rep with a happy ending! BL Mother of the Year Cher! The first GMMTV wedding since same sex marriage was legalized in Thailand! Horny gym massages! Therapy! Title Kirati finally being a good boy in a BL!

And on and on and on! In my heart and in my soul, I'm a good time girl and this show was SUCH a good time. It was a delightful little treat from beginning to end.

♡ The Loyal Pin

You know a show is special when just hearing the intro music makes you feel happy and comforted and giddy with anticipation. This is a beautiful show. It feels like the dessert table at a fancy, expensive wedding.

Everything is well done. Everything. The acting and the story are incredible, the cinematography is stunning, the styling is gorgeous, the OST fucks. It's just so damn good from top to bottom that it's become my favorite GL ever. I love it dearly.

♡ My Stand-In

Characters like Ming who are the human embodiment of lead paint and the stories they feature in aren't for everyone, but they sure are for me. Especially when those stories are led by great actors like Up and Poom who can have me in my feelings with the tiniest shift in their expressions.

They had me so in my feelings, in fact, that I arranged my watch schedule so I would always have a fluffy show to decompress with after every episode. It was that intense and if I loved it as much as I did, it was became Up and Poom were that good. I love a sweet love story but I also love a story about people who are DEEPLY deranged about each other.

♡ The On1y One

Even though I did not watch the finale of this show and will not watch it until such time as a second season has been announced, filmed, and is ready to premiere, it was still one of my favorites of the year. I just can't be mad at it.

It had everything that I love. Quiet intensity and great acting and dialogue and EXPRESSIONS and Benjamin Tsang's face and yearning and tiny little moments that live in my mind rent-free. I just wish it was complete because I love these characters so much and want to see them happy.

♡ Century of Love

I was raised on telenovelas. I've been watching them my whole life. So of course I'm always going to have a soft spot for BLs that scratch that lakorn/telenovela itch in my brain and that's exactly what this show did!

It gave us soulmates! Reincarnation! The red string of fate! Magic rocks! Wet dreams after a 124 year dry spell! Questionable CGI! Goddess-approved yaoi! And holding all of it together was Daou and Offroad's phenomenal chemistry. I fucking love this show!

♡ 4 Minutes

There are few things I love more in this BL watching life than letting Dr. Sammon take me on a wild ride, and boy was this a WILD FUCKING RIDE. I didn't come up with a single theory or do anything but cheer Tonkla on the entire time it was airing, I just experienced it.

Every episode was a feast for the eyes, whether it was the acting or the cinematography or the music or, as was usually the case, a stunning combination of all those things. We had to wait so long for this one and even though I wish it was longer, it was entirely worth the wait.

♡ See Your Love

Another one that has yet to finish airing but that's so lovely in every way that it has already found itself among the ranks of my favorite Taiwanese BLs ever. No surprise considering the team that made it also made another one of my faves.

And it really is lovely, unhinged assassination attempts and all. The love between the mains is a phenomenal combination of healing and horny and the story gives its characters--especially its deaf protagonist--so much humanity and treats them with care and respect. Not to mention that it features some of the best BL parents I've ever seen.

♡ High School Frenemy

When I tell you I was so prepared for this to be a series that I ended up dropping after a few weeks. The only reason I even watched it initially was for Mark Pakin and then something happened and I ended up liveblogging all sixteen episodes and loving it so incandescently that it became one of my favorite shows of the year.

And it was alllll because of Sky and Nani and that phenomenal chemistry that came out of nowhere and hit me--and all of us--with a steel chair. Watching Saint and Shin say the most UNHINGED ROMANTIC SHIT TO EACH OTHER was truly one of the highlights of my year. The character writing was great, the acting was great, the friendships were top tier. Truly the biggest surprise of 2024.

If the "more than friends less than lovers" shirt was a show, it would be this show.

♡ Sugar Dog Life

What a darling little treat of a show. It's so cozy and comfy and sweet. I'm always going to be a sucker for "food as a love language" shows and I enjoyed watching these two fall in love over meals so much.

As an aside, I spent almost the entire time slightly tormented because I couldn't figure out who Tanaka Koki reminded me of but I'm very happy to say that I figured it out: Sea Dechchart.

♡ Jack and Joker

For me, it's impossible not to love something that was so clearly made with all the passion, joy, and love in the world and that is exactly the energy that Yin and War brought to this project and I adored it.

This show made me feel the entire spectrum of human emotion every single week. I was never not excited for the next episode, even when it made me sad. It was fun and chaotic and beautiful to look at and I'm so happy that it exists.

♡ First Note of Love

This series is just...so gentle. Even though loss is a central theme in the story, it's never portrayed in a looming, haunting way. Matt's presence is always felt but in a way that's very human and beautiful.

At its core, this story is about all the ways love and grief are intertwined and giving yourself a second chance and letting love back in and allowing yourself to feel and I love it so dearly. So dearly.

♡ Dead Friend Forever

This is the show that finally got me to talk on my blog. I had such a great time being a clown and coming up with theories and reading other people's theories and spending entirely too much time looking at the minute details of that creepy damn mask.

It was a wild ride from start to finish and I enjoyed every minute of it. And it gave me TaBarcode, which was a gift I will cherish always even if thinking about them makes me want to listen to Rollin' in the Deep by Adele.

[slaaverin]

JIMIN CAME HOME!!!!!!!

Hello ARMY, this is Jimin. I enlisted in December two years ago, and now, two years have already passed. I've been serving in the military for about a year and two months now, and honestly… time seems to flow differently here. It’s not always easy, but because there are things I’m learning and experiencing, I’m looking forward to the days when I can talk with you all and share fun stories about everything that’s happened. Hmm… my daily life hasn’t changed much. Since it’s the military, I go through training, work, exercise, and before I know it, the day is over, and it's time to sleep. I’m living through a routine that repeats itself every day. But one thing that has changed since the new year is the conversations Jungkook and I have before going to bed. Since the days until we meet ARMY again are getting closer, we've been talking a lot about what we need to prepare before that moment arrives, what kind of image we want to show, and what kind of lives we will live moving forward. To be honest, there is also a bit of fear. It’s been quite a long time since we last performed together, and it’s been a while since we fully dedicated our time to the stage and music. So yes, there is a little fear, but one thing that hasn’t changed is our determination to give you the best performance when we return. We’ll prepare diligently—really. We’ll work hard and come back in our best form. To our ARMY, whom I miss and am endlessly grateful for, Until the day we meet again, please stay healthy and may every day be filled with happiness. Wishing you lots of luck in the new year, ARMY. I love you. Truly.

GUYS THE WAY I SCREAMED I AM NOT OK I'M ACTUALLY TREMBLING

Ok so when Jimin comes home, it might not be often, but when he does, it's HUGE!

This letter is honestly a lot and I'm not going to be very coherent.

So basically he's going through the day, doing what he must do, like a routine (as expected) but my takeaway is that the one constant is Jimin & Jungkook talking when the day ends.

Oh, boy.

So you're telling me our boys are having deep conversations at night about their future now 😭 omg what do I do with that information.

I don't know about you but Jimin articulated his letter so well I instantly felt the irrevocable WEIGHT of his statements.

Like, what they talk about is serious, it's deliberate, it will probably change how they handle things when they come out. We're talking big life questions, expectations, dreams & desires, public image.

Like how do we go from here? After everything. Who do we want to be? As individuals, & as a couple?

I know I shouldn't be shocked, it was bound to happen, but even then I'm still 😭 not ok he's saying it this plainly.

"What kind of life we want to live moving forward"

This phrase shook me to my fucking core. I let out an inhumane scream. What kind of life? WHAT KIND OF LIFE?

Fucking hell. It's exhilirating and scary just thinking about it.

Anticipation grows through the roof.

He said he's going to tell us things when he comes out so I'm glad.

Because I only need to know, to see, with their words, and their bodies, what is their state of mind. I'm so fucking curious to know what they are thinking about. I'm dying inside, I don't want to wait. This is killing me.

I think I'm waiting for the tiniest sign that they are ok, that they will be, that they feel good, that we don't need to worry. I DON'T KNOW??? The unknown is so very scary and unpredictable. Not knowing is what's worse.

But they are together and they talk together of their future, a future that I'm sure will also include the other in some type or form.

I'm now more than ever positive on a jikook subunit next. Might be small, but I'm sure they thought of something.

& They thought of AYS, too. I know it.

Maybe also about how they will move in together? One can only hope.

This letter fills me with joy.

Jimin is such a wonderful person & his words always hit right.

Having fear is a normal thing. The future is always worst in our head than in reality, and projecting things too much onto it can only create anxiety. But I'm not worried - about that. They will manage to give us amazing performances I have no doubt. I just hope they don't put too many expectations on themselves, because they don't need to. I trust them to do their best and it's already enough.

What kind of image will they be showing moving forward? They were ready to already risk it all before with AYS. How things will change?

What kind of person will they show?

This is all so very exciting guys 😭

So many possibilities.

When they come out I will be clinging to my seat holding my breath with my fingers crossed 😭

Ahhh, we need to be patient. This is hard.

I'm so glad Jimin seems to be well. That they are both well.

I need to let everything sink in. And reflect on it.

I think soon a lot will be happening, and I want to be here for ALL of it. I'll continue to write silly posts about it.

But I'm positive, the future will be bright, and I think everything will be ok.

They are writing it as we speak, and I believe it is meant to be, as always, together.

Wishing them good luck 💜

[statementlou]

ZAYN'S FIRST TOUR I can’t believe it’s over guys… like not only my shows, but also the WHOLE TOUR, it’s like a double punch, that was so fucking fun!! But also it’s just the fucking start, by the end he was having so much FUN, we’ve really got him hooked and cleansed of his demons now yall, it is ON and I’m so excited. It was weird having tickets first to the opening show of the whole tour, and then it got changed to somewhere in the middle, and then it got changed again to the LAST two shows of tour, a whole rollercoaster, and not getting the opening show after all was disappointing but in the end I loved getting to go to the end of it. I loved watching the lives- starting out saying, oh I’ll just watch the first one probably, but then it was so good and he ended up being so much fun that I just didn’t want to miss a thing, and the change from start to finish… honestly mind blowing. I went on the first SF night with fellow livestream gang girlie @justanothershadeofblue but also with @uhoh-but-yeah-alright and @homosociallyyours who had not been watching the lives or videos at all, didn’t know the setlist, etc, and seeing him up there just ON FIRE, yelling and bouncing and chatting, so outgoing and excited and comfortable laughing and teasing and playing off the crowd and hitting every mark… I could say to them, wow at the beginning he was so nervous and awkward and mumbly and would mess up and have to be like oh uh can we restart that song all the time and didn't interact with the crowd at all, this is really different, but how can anyone really believe that when he’s just owning the space and yelling FUUUUCK YEAH!! every couple minutes at the top of his lungs?? Incredible!! The BLOSSOMING we've witnessed these last few months has been a fucking gift, for real, I'm so proud and happy for him.

Anyway more specific show thoughts: I danced and waved my arms around like an absolute idiot the whole time it was great, he was SO FUNNY and fun, the energy feedback loop of him getting so excited by us being hype and it feeling so good to make him so happy and getting even more hype, SO FUN, I loved that he seemed to be genuinely excited by the idea of San Francisco for whatever reason even if he did call it San Fran about 8000 times like a giant nerd, like I’m very lucky to live somewhere where I get to see them at all but after how Harry and Louis for example play out in the outlying areas and plus treat Bay Area shows as an afterthought to deal with on their way to LA it felt really nice, and I also felt super blessed to get to go to the end of the zour because although throughout he had struggled some with learning to sing SO MUCH AT A TIME without losing his voice (Zayn HIRE HELENE) and had to be conscious of that, on that final night he didn’t have to worry and just went for it and it was EVERYTHING, and! Most important of all! Even though at least for me I think night one was superior on night two the most important thing of all happened, something I will treasure forever even though I didn’t get it on video and didn’t even realize what I was experiencing until right after it happened: I, bander, was in the room when Zayn Malik said my favorite Zayn Malikism of all time right there in front of my salad, I experienced the beloved WHOOPSEH DAISEH with my own two ears!! So grateful, so zlessed, life is good! He also said vas happening but idk what to tell you, I’m a whooseh daiseh girlie forever I loved every minute of this tour, and can’t wait for the shows coming up, and also the circumstances were so shit and it doesn’t make Liam’s death any less tragic nor have I forgotten: but I am really glad that as a fandom we got something nice and fun and happy during this time, we really needed that. Was thinking last night though about how when we got the tickets for this Megan and I were like holy shit we never thought Zayn would tour, now we really will get to see 5/5 playing solo shows together, we’ll just need to go see Liam sometime after this…. it’ll be 4/5 forever now. But not the 4 you would have guessed a year ago, and I am truly happy for Zayn that he's been able to feel the joy of performing again, and in a lot of ways probably for the first time it's been like this.