#wait wait I can explain myself
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thinking about Steve digging into a KFC bucket around Eddie, who is about to snap in half at the sight of it. Just seeing Steve Harrington sink his teeth into a chicken thigh, sucking on a drumstick bone, swallowing the most ungodly-sized bites heās ever seen. His eyes are fucking locked on Steveās lips that are extra shiny from all the grease. Eddie canāt even touch his own damn food because his stomach is in knots from this weirdly erotic and carnivorous circus act.
Steve smears the grease off with the back of his hand, staring hard at Eddie. āWhat?ā
āHuh?ā
Dumb. Idiotic. Why is Eddie suddenly experiencing the same level of flusteredness as the varsity cheer squad around this guy? Itās just Steve. Steve eating meatā¦
Thick, juicy, noisy meat in Steveās mouth. His mouth that looks so-
āDude, try some.ā Steve waves a half-eaten chicken wing in front of Eddieās face. Heās smiling as he chews, looks honest to god tipsy from how much heās enjoying this meal.
Eddie shrugs, pops his knuckles to keep his hands busy. āNot hungry.ā
Which is a big, fat lie. He is hungry. Thoroughly starving to see Steve in angles that are banned from biblical literature.
āChrist on toast, Harrington, close your mouth. I can see your fucking tonsils from here.ā And yeah, thatās a problem too. Eddie could draw the inside of Steveās mouth from memory by now. Could make himself a handy little diagram on how stuffed it could be if he just-
āCanāt help it.ā Steve interrupts. He tears another piece of meat off and chomps as he speaks. Says something that actually breaks the last bit of dignity in Eddieās soul. āItās finger lickinā good.ā
Right, yup. Okay. Eddie is all impulses after that. His gaze drops to Steveās slick hands. His ears only able to process words at a caveman baseline:
āFinger. Lick. Good.ā
Yeah. That does sound pretty good to him. Really good, actually.
So Eddie reaches across the table and takes Steve by the wrist. He opens his mouth, swirls Steveās index finger over his tongue, sucking on it for way too long. Makes a loud slurping sound as he returns Steveās hand back to him. Heās pretty sure Steve gasped at the contact, but couldnāt exactly focus on anything other than the taste of salt and grease and skin.
As Eddie sits back down in his chair, he examines Steveās face. Red everywhere. Up his ears, down his neck. He isnāt moving either - like Eddieās little stunt just paused all the muscles in his body or something.
He should run. Avoid getting beat up by a guy whoās a former jock. Besides, Eddie Munson is somewhat famous on cowardly shit like running away. It wouldnāt exactly be unheard of for him.
But he doesnāt. Instead, Eddie dabs the corner of his mouth with a napkin. Takes a deep breath in. Smiles sweetly over at Steve, sweet enough to feel playful. Edging on mean.
āLooks like it wasnāt false advertising after all.ā Eddie tosses the used napkin at him. Isnāt trying to make Steve flinch, but it happens anyways. āFinger lickinā good is an understatement.ā
āUnderstatement?ā Steve studies his finger, the one Eddie just used like a jolly rancher, then smiles wide:
āShould be mandatory with you, Munson.ā
#steddie#steddie fic#wait wait I can explain myself#no I canāt this just poured out of me#I couldnāt get the image of Eddie sucking on Steveās KFC-coated finger out of my head#and now you all have to suffer with me#also sorry for any non-meat eaters reading this#yāall are better people than me (and Eddie in this fic)#gonna dunk my head in a bucket of holy water now byeeee
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Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes / Then There Was You by Calum Scott
#this song so summer so joy#but itās have some lyrics that makes me thinking about this two#thanks garfield movie!#kingdom of the planet of the apes#planet of the apes#mae x noa#noa see something in mae he canāt explain how he feels like about#philosophical club of noamae#slowly destroying myself š¤§#go watch garfield in theatres itās pure serotonin#and also go re watch kingdom of course šš¾#LOOK IM OUT OF SCREENSHOTS!!!#IāLL WAIT FOR ITS HD OFFICAL RELEASE SO I CAN MAKE A LOT MORE
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had a very nice realization about peace, especially spiritual peace, the other day. (Been brewing for a while.) and itās just: peace is for the non-peaceful.
#very obvious of course#but itās justā-#itās hard to explain how messy I feel all the time#in all areas of my life#what a grubby little gremlin I feel I am#with my unfinished projects and my half-done things and my unsorted through internal life#and my room that needs vacuuming and my bathroom that needs dusting and the text messages that need answering#and the relationships that I feel need attention or fixing or solving#and tbh counseling has been helpful simply because my counselor is just like āgirl if you donāt chillā#(kind)#like. sheād just like youāre doing FINE#everyone doesnāt have the dishes finished or everything in order at all times#so Iāve been able to kind of see the ridiculously high expectations for myself I just walk around with#and/or just the pressure I feel to have everything DONE#but even all of that aside it has just been dawning on me thatāI can have peace in those contexts#not only once everything is āsortedā#because itās not that I donāt think I deserve it or whatever! thatās not exactly the issue#itās just literally my brain is like āpeace is for people who have their shit togetherā#āand that isnāt youā#and it just !!!!! isnāt true!!!!!!!!#even if I were as grubby as I think I am (and sometimes I think I AM)#it doesnāt matter. you can still know peace. God still loves me#in the middle of the mess#my WORST states have been when I felt like I had to get myself spiritually in order before God could come#sort of dusted and vacuumed metaphorically speaking I mean#and of course there is work to do#but that happens only with God and because of God and IN God#so I donāt have to wait#canāt explain how often I have heard people talk about peace and been like#ānot for me thoughā but it actually IS lol. it I s. beCAUSE I am grubby!!!!!!!!
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My. Class. Won't. Start. And it's been aFUCKING HOUR
#they always do thissa jfc they send us on break and all of a sudden everyone and their mother has questions about the hw#that just CANNOT WAIT until the end of the class#and i fucking can't like brother people who DON'T have questions are just stuck here#and then we have to stay extra time at the end of class so the teacher can talk about everything he had planned for that day#brother some people work after class. some have to go home to like 20 different chores to do and would appreciate an extra half hour for it#it drives me insane bc they aren't even efficient with it. it's not like it's an hour long bc 200 people go ask stuff#it's just like 20 guys that have a 10/20 minute conversation with the teacher about a specific exerciseĀæ??#and maybe I'm just being a hater here but the times I've needed to ask shit i usually FIRST make sure my numbers are correct#and also that I'm not misunderstanding any theory#and then if it's still not working after many tries and i couldn't find help by any other means#(like someone who has solved a similar thing online and can give me some ideas 4 a different approach)#THEN i go to the teacher and tell them how I've been thinking about the problem and the entire convo usually just goes#'i'm doing this' 'hmmm actually i would think about ut this other way. pay more attention to this part' and then I LEAVE#i leave and i think about it all over again by myself i do not ask the teacher to solve every last bit for me for the next 10 minutes#and it's not like I'm against people asking theory questions bc like some shit IS hard to grasp and it's cool if u need it re explained to u#but it's like some of these people don't even TRY like... oh.. yk.. ACTUALLY STUDYING?#reviewing your notes and actually thinking about the problems for a minute b4 deciding u just can't solve it??#and honestly it would all be nice and good if they did that during the last hour of class bc then it wouldn't be my business anymore tbh#but it's fucking up my class time and now I'm hungry and fucking upset bc i can't leaveeeeeeee
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Corny ass question and may have been asked before but what draws you to Magus and warlock and stuff? Like what appeals to you and sparks joy? Love hearin that shit
havent been asked before bt mostly its a mix of the deeply transgender thing (transmasc specifically too šš) hes got goin on and the. weird+abstract issues in his head. when theyre presented visually. i have a deep deep love of alice in wonderland and it hits the same sort of appeal point fr me. esp like. american mcgees alice nd how its abt an exploration of mental illness. which he has as well. obviously. fr magus its a real 'oh shit just like me fr' which makes it hard to put into words bt for warlock its a 'wow what the hell is wrong with him. its compelling me.' i rly enjoy picking at chars and u can literally sit down for days on end psychoanalysing that freak. and hes so relatable with it. theres a certain kind of charm to a hero that is actively contemplating suicide. bt i also do rly enjoy the other interpretations like the. more childlike cartoon version nd reborn (little) magus nd stuff and thats a. whole thing im not getting into in a public space Ever tbh bt i enjoy that stuff a lot. so rly its just like him and every version of him somehow hit literally everything i enjoy in a char+story
also they keep (rightfully) making him goth and thats just the nail in the coffin for me. as an emoboy who only goes for goths+emos.
#this is a hard question honestly cz its hard to get into without being disgustingly personal#bt a lot of me liking chars is from a. self centred sort of lens.#just the kind of person i am#also now realising me saying 'im not talking abt this in public' sounds real bad bt its#coz im shy.#ok wait i think i can explain myself a little better now that ive thought abt it#i like it when kids r taken seriously. and this usually happens w adam when hes younger too#so i rly like that. and also cute parent+kid stuff#i WILL draw more HE+adam eventually
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I'm doing this school a service

#:33333#vocaloid#hatsune miku#vocaloid miku#made a miku corner at school#because this school makes me wanna blow my brains out-#i wouldve gotten the paper in color but the i wouldve had to talk to the librarian#and theres no way in hell i was gonna look at her dead in the eyes and explained myself what the fuck i was going to do with this#she probably wouldve been like āwhat the hell is a miku???ā#anyways yea thats its#cant wait for friday DAWG#CAN SCHOOL FINISH ALREADY MY GOD-ššš
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dumb
anton belongs to @poicyss
#i. dont know how to explain myself and im not gonna#ive been collecting shitposts and finally drew them out with some sillies#btw lucky would probably be the irresponsible/fun uncle just because 1) vincent is indestructible and 2) he dont give a shit#this man is painfully oblivious to the fact that he joined a man eating werewolf cult so i dont think it would be out of the question#i also know anton is technically an abno but also. weirdly funny to me what it would be like for him to deal with an abno breaching#like hey wait you cant do that. only i can do that wtf#ALSO I FINALLY DREW HIM WITH FAT TITS. LETS GOOOOOO#god theyre so unhinged all of them. i love them <3#my art#myart#my oc#friend oc#anton#augusta#lucky#vincent#doodles#sillies family#starshadow
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random but rewatched this tangled song to take notes on how to draw golden hair (for prince jesse ofcš¤§) and it p much confirms what I thought before... the look of shininess is created when there's lots of contrast...






u can see in these stills her hair is not just a medium yellow/blonde the entire time but has (fairly big!) areas of dark brown as well as super bright highlights when in direct light... im gonna make a note to be more liberal with the darker sections when drawing golden blonde hairš¤ bc we(or at least I) normally just think of blonde hair as being yellow so we might not consider there to also be dark brown in it...
#srry IM NOT A PRO GIVING ART ADVICE just rambling abt my observations... mumble mumble#actually normally id do this on my priv twit but lately i find myself using tumblr more#O ACTUALLY WAIT. the reason why im doing this in the first place tho#someone.. actually several ppl... complimented how shiny i make jesse's hair look#and im like!! thank u!! and wanted to explain how i did it (which is v simple i just added areas of high contrast KFJSJ)#but i wanted to look at how more pro artists did it bc thatd be a better demonstration#as well as learn how to draw it better myself...#š¤š¤... hmm... i think i can still lvl up how i draw it#but the way ive been drawing it is a v easy shortcut LFJDK#i have more to say but ran out of space for images so posting this first#o btw i was watching the jp dub of the song bc thats my fav rapunzel voice BWAHA
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as someone who isnt super excited for sotm for certain reasons I am really glad that like. it's clear that since ruin theyve been setting up for carnival and sotm IS carnival. so now that carnival is finally coming out, afterwards theyll be moving on to other plotlines since the main villain stuff is sorted out
I'm just rlly happy to finally see a clear direction for how the story is gonna be playing out with like "okay these games were leading up to this so after this will be open possibilites" instead of like. absolutely no info about each upcoming game and being left guessing before it releases and just having to wait and see what's in it and if anything you're looking forward to will be in it
it feels like they have a plan and a solid direction for what they're trying to do and after carnival releases thatll be all that buildup coming to fruition. & we already know from the Scott interview that theres another release 'beyond sotm' that's 'super exciting' so maybe thatll be focusing on another big currently untouched (which is basically all of them) plotline, or even the big campaign game that dawko has been calling security breach 2
#even if i dislike how theyve been handling this whole mimic cassies dad factory mapbot bonnie bully stuff#the past like 2 releases 3 after sotm#after watching johns theory video it really does feel like stuff was more purposeful with thought put into it when u plug in cassies dad#even if the plot of him being behind mxes and trapping mimic is pushing other more important characters aside#its probably what happened and accepting that makes the story at least seem more thought out#it did make me feel better about it bc like. it at least feels like theyre cooking#like what theyre working on DOES have a direction and a plan and it isnt just random stuff like how it felt when hw2 came out#i might still think that the stuff theyve been doing the past few releases is boring af and uninteresting#compared to earlier concepts like focusing on vanny and the possession aspects and sentient glamrocks#(we could see more of it with freddy if theyd let him come back ever)#but like. at least it has thought put into it and feels like theyre actually trying to set shit up for something#like sotm is an ORIGIN#the tagline was 'sometimes you have to understand the past to see the future'#at the end of the day sotm is a setup for a campaign thatll take place in present day anf#even if its taking ten thousand years to get there im excited for it#aka its taken a long time to tell this story setup of cassies dad and mimic and shit and it might be boring for some people#(me)#but at the end of the day its meant to be setup explaining the past of why mimic exists (even if that's already in tbe books)#so after we 'understand' it we can get back to present day#and focus on its current victims vanessa gregory cassie etc#cassies dad is 100% dead if hw2s protag is him so he woukdnt be relevant anymore. just another character thing to serve cassie#im just saying like after sotm its wide open for getting back to the plot#and i think its actually right to say that bc like all of this has been setup. if hw2 protag is cassies dad its a prequel to ruin#so rn ruin is the most recent game in the timeline. meaning the next game that takes place in current tjme will focus on the current mains#Gregory cassie vanessa#sorry for fnaf plot posting again ive been thinking about it a lot the past few days#thought id balance some negative ive posted with a positive since im feeling better about it myself :)#one day we're gonna be so back and its gonna be great#its just gonna be a long annoying wait lmao#thoughts
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Oh no the Dragon Age AMA answers are making my blood pressure rise, quick, close the tab
#I can feel myself morphing into even more of a little hater#what do you mean you're trying to explain away retconning Solas' agents with 'WELL ACTUALLY he severed ties with them between games'#haha shut up#'well actually of course the crows we see in game are idealists Illario is the only one who's close to a real crow that's why Caterina had#to keep him in check'#what the fuck do you mean Caterina is keeping him in check she's been first talon forever!!!!!!!!!!! She's a 100% classic crow too!!!!!!!#What the fuck!!!#veilguard critical#someone bring in a person who actually knows what they're talking about!! oh wait they've all been fired pretty much my bad
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If you're waiting for a reply from me, I'm really sorry for the wait! I have most of them written in drafts, but I'm holding on to all of them except the resonance thread (Resi is a fickle muse sometimes and I don't want to lose him while he's working with me) because I'm trying to get some artwork done for commissions and gifts!! I plan to release threads come Friday, but i really appreciate the patience! ^^
#i promise i'm still interested in writing with everyone! I know i don't gotta explain myself#but. alas. My special interest is writing. And I cannot draw if I Owe Replies because my brain simply won't let me#so i write them and then hold them until i've made the progress i need to and then i get to release them as a treat#So thank you everyone who doesn't mind waiting!! I'm giving you smooches on the cheeks if you want them!!#and i'm SO excited to continue so many of these threads <3#tristan rambles#update#I WILL happily answer DMs/IMs or asks though! since they're usually not anything i can't set aside while working and get back to when i can
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#ābest way to learn is to observe the men around youā OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#āmen dont smile at people.ā well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#ādont move with your handsā YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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just found out i can have a SECRET LAYOUT ON MY PHONE??
#ā© ź°į¢. .į¢ź±#like if u do the focus thing#so ur telling me i can deck my lockscreen and homepage in soobin & hyunjin without loosing every ounce of aura#i cant wait to fangirl on my phone and switch my stupid focus thing#my normal layout is like pics w friends and then now im just gonna have a secret asian men one lawl#erm i hope no one on my phone finds it tho because i will never be able to explain myself!
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I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling
#I'm sorry to say that despite what I expected I think the dread wolf might be going down violently on my first run???#not because *I* love solas any less but because of who rye is and some of the twists I know happen down the line#which does make for a neat thing b/c I meant to play the crow I'm going with second as initially incredibly hostile#and then growing to feel for him and redeeming him at the end.#so if rye starts out very reasonable and sympathetic and then is brought to 'haha. no. fuck you forever for that in particular' at the end#...a pleasing cosmic symmetry in it I must admit. perfect and also makes me feel a bit sick#I'll try to put together something coherent eventually but for now#it's sort of a 'my name is ellaryen ingellvar you killed the guy#that my brain went 'close enough welcome back beloved and much missed deceased father figure' over. prepare to despair and die'#I think just the killing part might not have done it but everything that comes after? rye is a chill guy until he finally decides#that enough is fucking *enough*. and that was the most enough of all time for them#it also explains rye's accent (one of his primary caregivers growing up was a dwarf)! so many birds with one stone here#also I am so fucking sad now and I did it entirely to myself. I love fiction I love games (embarassingly genuine)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: ellaryen ingellvar#thank god that the romanced solas playthrough is the second one tho that does make things less dire haha#adaar would have given it the good old college try to get solas to change his mind right to the end I think#but even his capable hands and politician's mind could not hold back the sheer beware the fury of a patient man storm#that is about to hit solas for the shit he just pulled. I think rye and solas are -- as it turns out -- TOO alike in many ways#...solas buddy I'm so sorry I'll come back for you on the second playthrough and make it right I swear fhsak#it's just that a second dead dwarf dad has joined the chat to haunt the narrative (and this time it's fucking personal frfr)#it's almost scary how quick I've gotten attached to my rook tho. I've waited A DECADE to save this bald elf man from himself#and then rye shows up with steel in his normally kind eyes going 'no. I want that fucker *dead*'. and I just go anything for you babyboy#I'll see what we can do. unspeakable stuff
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i know there's like a couple of people who really enjoy when i share oc art or thoughts. i should go back to it for them
#i'm completely sucked in by kcd and i'm not complaining. the game made me feel excited for something guilt free for once#but i should go back to oc posting. or drawing in general#alan and catherine have been on my mind too. i just know i should rework their story and their adventure group as well#eventually. bound is my original story that has been with me for so long#and it's become my multiverse/all in one safe place where i eventually put all my original characters from many places#videogames or stories or games. they all end up there. in a rich and full fantasy world where most things are possible#and explained through world rules and powers. it's always been my safe place. i need to honor it more eventually#it's just hard when you're constantly telling yourself nobody really cares. or that it's a long gone time and people have moved on#sometimes i'm scares i've moved on too. but i know that's not the case#these days i just stop sometimes and wonder. if what i do for myself or with happiness has ever been someone else's happiness as well#but then i need to realize people have told and proved me they do care and they do like what i do and make#i just need to wait for the grey cloud to pass by. that's it#i'll see if i can do something when i'm back home
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#So- therapy people said they can help long-term with mental health stuff - she ran out of space on the page writing out my shit pfft#Done the call to the homelessness service with the council and I've gotta fill out their forms from scratch#currently trying to figure out if I should wait til I get paperwork assistance from another service I've applied for (2 week wait)#or start trying to do it myself - which I'm scared to do because first time I did it wrong and that's why they wouldn't process it#lots of things in the work though#the call about my money is tomorrow and I gotta explain to them if anything my circumstances are worse than before#hopefully they'll listen and my money doesn't get absolutely FUCKED but we'll see I guess#lots of things in the works and I'm being a brave boy about it šŖ#ooc || the birb speaks#vent cw#again not a vent but just an update#I'm tired and gonna try to do things but forgive if I'm not running at my best
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