#we know he copes to a certain extent with alcohol and so he has to find another way to get it that doesn't set off any flashbacks

[pastafossa]

DDBA SPOILER REALIZATION THOUGHT, SERIOUS ANGST

How we feeling about the realization I just had that Matt is probably drinking red wine in his apartment even though he prefers cheap beer because the smell of cheap beer is likely now tied irrevocably to his memory of Foggy's death?

They were at Josie's.

They were at Josie's: cheap beer, hops, bitterness. He knows that scent.

A scent now mingled forever in his mind with the taste of sour fear, of death in the air.

And of lingering copper, and the anguished, familiar tang of tears and Foggy's cologne.

[terrence-silver]

Since the show wont really explore this ever, what was Terry like during the 90's? What was he up to during the 2000's? How about the 70's? Maybe even as far back as the late 50's?

1950's - Around this time, a boy, Terry, I imagine was living in the exuberance and multigenerational wealth of the bubble the life with his parents provided. This is when he would've learned about the finer things in life. How to play a piano. How to speak certain languages his parents approved of. His penchant for classical literature and music. How to dress. How to talk. Walk. Socialize. Be a Silver. Perhaps, to an extent, even how to manipulate, play and control others. All the trappings of wealth and class distinction drilled into him from an early age.

1960's - Well, we already know. Vietnam happened. But, I imagine Terry didn't go to Vietnam up until the late 60's. So, that leaves us with a whole decade underexplored alongside with his early teenhood. I think he really started developing his sense of inadequacy around this time. That he genuinely started using his scrawny, seeming gentle self as a tool to often get what he wants, venturing out and discovering that, hey, people can be worked. I think it is in the 60's when he really began being love starved and pining for devotion and he'd do hell all to get it. Very sheltered kid, around this era. Repressed. Extremely. It was the swinging 60's, but for Terry, the norm of old money and its routine ensured he felt none of that swing.

1970's - He comes back from war a mess, traumatized, jittery, split personality, broken psyche, dark and stranger than ever before ---Dynatox happens, big money happens, inheritances happen and Twig, now Terry probably throws himself into that disco life --- loud, fast and bright. Into partying it up. Living large. Compensating for years spent in the bush and in wartime during his adolescent, formative years to make up for each and every moment lost. John saved his life --- least he owes him is to indulging in every day like it is the last and making good for the life his friend rescued. So, sex is rampant, alcohol is rampant, his drug addiction doubtlessly happened around this time because of all the excess and to cope with the pain of Vietnam. The Terry we know forms around this decade. Maybe he was always this Terry, though? It was simply waiting for an opportunity to bust out?

1980's - Ah, yes, the 80's. By now, we get the TKK3 era Terry. He effectively juggled his vices in the 70's and his tenacity for business and he became a made man. A Billionaire. A yuppie. A magnate. A tycoon. Man has tried everything by now. The darkest desires a human can imagine and he relished in each and every one of them --- made up quite a few himself. He's spoiled on excess and he adores it. Does whatever he wants. Goes from soaking in his bubble bath and debating bribing officials with his secretary to sweating it out in his sauna midday with a bottle of champagne. He could retire today and it wouldn't make a difference. He can bankroll anything. Afford whatever. The world is his. Dynatox is burning the world down, but he doesn't care and frankly, he's entertained by it. He's never liked third world ratholes --- not since Vietnam. That is why he so effectively takes weeks and maybe even months off to harass a teenager. Because it is fun and because life's whatever he wants it to be, no matter how absurd.

1990's - Post '85 tournament loss and John slipping off of the radar (which Terry keeps track of, I refuse to believe he didn't), I think Terry slips off of the radar for a long time as well, as a direct response to that; he isn't in hiding, no --- too powerful to hide from anyone or anything --- but he does become very, very private and discreet. Throws himself into work. That's how he copes for a while; being a workaholic and generating himself even more of a net worth he doesn't even need, but he finds he must hyperfocus and be in control of something or he'll go insane. He is a businessman in the 90's. Corporate. Clinical, to an extent. Tones down his flamboyance deliberately. He does it to punish himself, in a way. To blend in. Become a chameleon. Possibly gets rid of his Glendower mansion around this time. His old staff starts disbanding. Some of them, like Margaret, who are more aged, might've even died, truly signifying the end of an era. All the trappings of extravagance he so loved just years before are getting scrapped by him personally, because the times are changing and he must change with them. He is like a bird of paradise plucking out its own feathers and it hurts, but he figures he deserves it to hurt.

2000's - At the turn of the new millennia, America has shifted, he has shifted and the world he knows has shifted --- funny how there is a resurfacing of all things 80's at this time to make it all the more harder on him. He is probably trying therapy around this point. Probably had a really bad coke overdose or twenty in the late 90's. His hair has turned grey. Silver is silver. He is looking less like Ponytail every day and he doesn't know how to feel about it. Angry? Relieved? Scared? Out of control? Because if he's not Ponytail --- someone who he's been for most of his life, then who is he? He cannot be Twig, no, no. Being Twig was bad. Awful. Painful. Shameful. Twig was a weakling. So, he must become someone else. Several someone else's. Shedding his skin to survive. His remission succeeds in some part and fails in others because he becomes even more repressed and volatile for it, but he does learn how to channel himself even more effectively. Might've even had a big imposter syndrome for a while where he felt his reformed self is just an act, because he's acted out things for so long and he cannot tell what is what. Maybe it is an act, in a certain sense? Maybe it is the truth? He doesn't know. Hates not knowing. Throws himself into the pursuit of other things for more distraction. Like honing the piano. Karate's a forgotten friend. He goes back to it in secret, and when he does, he plays the piano forte with even more tenacity.

2010's - Reinvention! Strategic reinvention, anyhow. Terry views himself and his personality, how he acts, the people he keeps around the way a corporation views marketing itself to the public of consumers in order to cover up his indiscretions from the past --- he is a shrewd businessman, after all; Indiscretions, which are a great and many and while the advent of the Internet era and keeping all the knowledge in the world in one's pocket has many perks (like cyberstalking, which he'd adore) there is also the problem that people can simply look up all the morally and ethically questionable stuff he did, say, in the 70's, 80's and the 90's. The information is just a click away. The world is infinitely smaller now, and it fits into a person's Twitter feed. So, he does well to clear his reputation, have his PR team finely comb the web for any apprehensible material, clear his own image to maintain a pristine publicity and even have his people write a few puff pieces for him (Like that article Demetri finds about him being The hero of our generation and a war veteran with baby blue eyes! I mean, look at those eyes! Subscribe for more! Next up, discussing Mr. Silver's charitable donations to Borneo...and his abs!) Now, even if Terry did something bad in the past, the newer generation is less likely to know, because it is immaculately hidden, just like he is immaculately hidden, beneath a mask.

2020's - The Terry of Cobra Kai's era in this long timeline right here.

[edamamechips]

Thinking back to how the theme of this season is trauma (acc to RAS) and how the time jump seems to be playing out.

Trauma is a universal human experience and we all have been through it in varying degrees in different stages of our lives. The reason why the reactions to certain actions of certain characters are so polarizing is because trauma hits a nerve. To some it may resonate deeply while to others it just looks like one huge question mark.

Dealing with trauma can be tricky and portraying it even trickier. Sex, Alcohol and toxic relationships are all very very real coping mechanisms of trauma.

Do I think Riverdale the show has the nuance to pull off such sensitive portrayals of trauma? No I do not. But kudos them for atleast trying.

It is very very in character for Betty to suppress her feelings, it's almost a reflex for her at this point. She's been taught all her life to be okay even when you are not. And to top off all that she was stuck in a serial killer's murder hole for two whole weeks. The whole world lost it's mind when asked to stay at home for two weeks just a year ago. So no, betty sleeping with archie or even glen is not out of character. It just shows how little he means or disposable he is to her. and if I was a b/archie fan I would be very very mad about it. But as a bughead it is all moo factor to me because that's just laying out the foundation for the reunion of my OTP.

I'll say take Jughead's coping mechanism of alcohol and Veronica's method of knowingly trapping herself in a toxic relationship. Both pretty common effects of trauma too. And if I am reaching i would say Archie is to some extent burying his emotions too by trying to fix problems of other people rather than addressing his.

All these characters are deeply fucked in the head right now.

Again I do know that the writers have not even put an ounce of thought behind the implications they are making when they pick these storylines.They probably pat themselves on their backs for doing their part for being woke or whatever. But the parallels are all there and it is not "mental gymnastics" to draw conclusions from them.

But it is what it is at the end of day. This whole thing has been written and filmed already. Riverdale is known to be a show for having some great storylines with the really good potential but get sidelined or dropped in the long run. Because this is a mystery show. And character/relationship is more of a B plot.

You do you and your feelings are valid at the end of day. We all learn everyday and having certain negative reflex reactions doesn't make you misogynistic. It makes you human. Take a breath or dive head first into meta posts while also psychoanalysing yourself. Whatever makes you feel better, do it.

Oh and also Bughead endgame.

[mcrololo]

I'm doing the pleading eyes hoping it will convince you to share more of your Reasons To Put Songs In Playlists 🥺

do you mean beca or?? because she has a whopping [checks] 163 songs in her playlist so we can arrange something, I'm sure

Simmer (Acoustic) by Hayley Williams This song is actually on here because at face value Beca doesn't feel anger, not towards other people. And I thought maybe the acoustic version of this one might illustrate that better, because Beca thinks she doesn't feel anger, but she acts on anger all the time, just not deliberately and not at other people. But she's constantly acting out at herself, because, to a certain extent, she's angry at herself all the time. And in that scenario, there's one line that stands out to me in this song: "How to draw the line between wrath and mercy?" Beca isn't merciful towards herself at all. As I've said here she thinks very little of herself, so she takes every opportunity to self-sabotage. Be it in relationships with others (romantic, platonic, familial), opportunities that could benefit her in any way, or even just something small, like not buy her favorite snack or make her favorite tea when she's thirsty. One other lyric that stands out to me for completely different reasons, and that has nothing to do with the song and the meaning of the artist at all, is "Nothing cuts like a mother", which for Beca gets a very different meaning, and is part of why she's so angry at herself all the time. I still wanted to point it out because it's important to her character. To wrap this all up, in the wise words of Hayley herself at the very start of this very song; rage is a quiet thing. (This is another reason I chose the acoustic over the original for her)

Need me by Simple Creatures It's funny, I think you sent me this song and told me this was Beca and her father. The first verse representing her alcoholic dad, the second verse representing her. And you were right. They both had to deal with an abusive monster (he with a partner, she with a mother), and they both sought out different, unhealthy coping mechanisms that ultimately had them drifting apart. But sometimes their paths crossed for a little while, and for a very brief moment they shared some sort of understanding. It would leave them with this need to be in each other's lives that neither of them tried hard enough to accept, and I think that's the tragedy of their relationship. This song represents that for me, especially the chorus.

mirrorball by Taylor Swift This one is really easy lmao!! Beca loves Taylor Swift, for one. The other reason is that Beca doesn't know who she is, so it's very easy for her to slip into a version of herself that she knows whoever she's with likes. In high school she hung out with the outcasts and the punks so she became more of a punk herself. Things she loves, and other people voice they hate? She keeps to herself. To her it's common knowledge people like hanging out with others they have common interests with, so she pretends to be like that, too. It's why Pretender by AJR used to be her themesong (until Bloom by the Paper Kites ultimately took its place). It isn't until she finds healthy friends she can get to know who she really is. Mirrorball is one of those songs that really represents that struggle to me. I don't even have a favorite lyric here, all of it is just so good!!

This one got even longer 😭😭 my girl just has so many layers i love her so much

[musical-chick-13]

unpopular opinion: cersei isn't a villain that's going "mad," she's a woman that (just like her brothers!) grew up abused and has severe untreated mental illness and alcoholism (+she's more similar to tyrion than she thinks)

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

YES I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT CERSEI (The usual warnings for discussions about ableism, domestic abuse, and mentions of inc*st, which is why I’m putting the rest under a cut).

People really do just. Love to call a woman "crazy" for having one (1) unpretty emotion and hating things that happened to her. Doubly so if she isn't A Combat Fighter™, and triply so if she actually suffers from mental illness.

Is she trending toward a mental breakdown at various points in the narrative? Yes. But that doesn't make her "mad." During her childhood, she was ignored by her father, who constantly underestimated her and saw her as a pawn and not a person; was always belittled and refused any sort of genuine help or positive reinforcement (including from said father) due to simply not being a guy; was told as a child that every single thing she ever wanted or worked for would be taken away by a younger and more beautiful woman (which, wow, that's a constant fear, and also speaks to the ageism and discarding of women who don't fit certain standards of attractiveness), that all of her children would die before her, and then that she would be violently killed by her sibling; and then as a teenager, married off to a man who refused to even give her the barest courtesy, belittled her every chance he got, and straight up domestically abused her. With the amount of shit she's seen and dealt with, no wonder she has a cynical worldview and views everything and everyone as an enemy.

The thing about Cersei is that she understands how cutthroat and unfair and utterly brutal the world she lives in is. And the only thing she can think of to do to survive it is to be the most powerful person. She views that as the only way to give her life meaning, the only way to keep herself safe, and the only thing she can do to fight the fate she thinks she's destined for; if she becomes untouchable because no one dares harm her, she can live her life in peace and keep her children alive. I fail to see how this makes her "crazy." Tragic? Relatable? Sympathetic? Self-destructive? Yes. But considering that all of those feelings--the need to be "perfect," (in her case, perfectly terrifying and perfectly in power), the extreme distrust that anything will ever work out, the certainty that specific things will no doubt happen even if there isn't concrete evidence, her assertion toward the beginning that she's only staying alive for a few people who need her, her difficulties with emotional regulation, and her tendency toward choices that don't actually help because she doesn't know how to cope--are all very common symptoms and experiences of people suffering from mental illness, labeling her as simply "mad" is a very inaccurate description, and one that reeks of ableism and misogyny.

Does she do terrible things? Yes. But everyone in this fictional universe does. And, honestly, I don't understand where this idea that the things she's done are So Much Worse™ than everyone else comes from. Blowing up the sept? Dany set a religious location on fire, too when she faced a future with the Dothraki. (And I've seen a lot of sympathy for her decision to burn down King's Landing, too. If we can extend understanding for her in regard to a comparable act, why not Cersei? Please make it make sense.) Dealing with internalized misogyny? The Greyjoys have an entire culture based on toxic masculinity/devaluing femininity. Murdering and manipulating people to keep her and her family safe and wanting to obliterate people who hurt her children? Those things apply to the Stark family, too. And Olenna. And Davos. Hell, even Tywin to some extent. The incest? Then why is Jaime a fan favorite and the biggest ship war between which female relative Jon should end up with? Everyone in this story has done sketchy if not outright horrible things to survive. Everyone has blown past and disregarded what we consider to be necessary moral precepts in the modern world. I do not understand.

And. Yes. Cersei and Tyrion? Very similar. They're both ostracized by society for things they can't control (Cersei for her gender, Tyrion for his dwarfism). They both cope by drinking and/or ill-advised sexual encounters. They both feel very deeply. They both care about Jaime (though obviously in...very different ways). They both have a vengeful streak and are masters at manipulation (rather than gaining their power through combat/swordsmanship/what have you). They both view politics as a game and get an at times disconcerting amount of fulfillment at "winning" and successfully deceiving/duping someone else. They both think they're Above It All™ and that everyone is stupid, predictable, and not worthy of their time, even though--despite their intelligence and terrifying influence--even though they're still victims of the same indiscriminately vicious system. This dynamic is one of the most fascinating in the entire series because they really could be such a great team, but there's too much fear and anger bad blood for that to be a reality and honestly IT'S SO SAD.

Anyway, TLDR: Cersei is my forever girl, and people need to stop with their ignorant, ableist takes.

[mnogorgannik]

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing  i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg  even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

[salmonthestoryteller]

Michael & Alcohol

I wasn't going to address this outside of my author notes for School of Hard Knocks, but then I saw a comment (not on Tumblr) that made me see red, so here we go.

Short Version: I don't view Michael as an alcoholic. I view his alcohol consumption as a mixture of unhealthy coping mechanisms and self-medicating for chronic pain (which is easy to misinterpret as addiction to someone from the outside looking in.)

There's a difference between being an addict and just plain bad life choices. They require different things for recovery - addiction is far more complicated.  And we have already been told we have two addicts that are part of the overall RNM story arc - Rosa Ortecho (who is newly resurrected) and Jim Valenti (who we will no doubt see in flashbacks).

Any and all three (Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Medication/Self-Medication, and Addiction) can overlap in reality, and therefore in storytelling as well. And if Michael becomes an addict in season 2 due to the abrupt healing of his hand, I would be okay with it.  But overall I'd much prefer a "poor life choices" story arc over a "substance addiction" plotline for Michael. It's my preference. It won't be a breaking point or anything if they choose the latter.  I'll live with it. Will I be a little disappointed? NGL, I will. But I'll live with it.

Onto the long version:

I made a mention of it in previous author notes, but since it affects my opinion I'll repeat it. YMMV, but my experience has been that drinking permeates Southwest culture in a way it doesn't other places in the USA.  Look, I am not pulling this out of thin air. I lived in the Southwest for almost twenty years. I have lived almost ten years in the PNW, and a mix of the remaining tenish years between the East Coast and Midwest. The best way I can think to phrase it is this - Drinking is part of the Party Culture in the other areas I have lived. Drinking is part of the Everyday Culture in the Southwest.

And when I watch Roswell New Mexico, I see that portrayed.  I see it in the way there is scene after scene of social drinking.  I see it in the way that alcohol is used as a coping mechanism by pretty much every character.  I see it in the way that it’s casually mentioned Arturo has a tequila stash.  I see it in the way drinking is not treated negatively - as I have seen it done by shows in the past - but treated as just something people do.  They have their hearts broken and they have a drink.  They have an argument with their friends or family and they have a drink.  Their lives were just in danger, time for a drink. They get off work for the day and they - guess what? - have a drink.  

This is why “Michael has a beer in X number of scenes” is not a winning argument to me.  Because when someone says he has a drink in certain scenes, my literal thought is: Yeah, of course.  It’s after work hours.  What’s the big deal?

Then there’s the facts that we are shown his hand causes him pain in two episodes, and that we’re also shown that the aliens use acetone and alcohol in place of pretty much any type of medicine.  To me, it’s an easy leap from there to Michael self-medicating.  Given the extent of his injury and the lack of proper care it received, chronic pain was going to be a given as far as I’m concerned - and we’re also shown and have it verbally acknowledged that his hand has spasms, as well. 2+2 is 4 to me on that one.  He’s not going to get through a day without something to relieve some of the pain.

Now here’s where the unhealthy coping mechanisms come in.  Because while getting drunk to cope with bad things in our lives (or, more accurately, not deal with them for a night) is something indulged in by millions of adults worldwide and probably billions over the centuries, there is a point where it becomes unhealthy.  And, yes, I do think Michael’s use of it reaches that point.

When he’s upset about things, he doesn’t talk about it -  he goes to the Wild Pony and drinks so he has an excuse to start a fight.  When he fights with someone - he drinks.  When he's worried about someone - he drinks.  I don’t think he has an addiction - I think this is all choices.  Most of his drinking, at least what is not social, is after specific, upsetting events.  I see his use of alcohol change during the course of the season.  As these secrets that he’s been holding in are revealed, as he starts to open up to the other characters about past events, as he starts to actually deal with the things he has been using alcohol to cope with, his drinking slows down.

We’re introduced to him in the drunk tank after one of his bar brawls.  He’s at the bar pretty much all day in 01x02 after losing his job and being rejected by Alex.  He’s stealing whole bottles of alcohol from behind Maria’s bar after Alex dumps him and he finds out Liz knows one of them murdered Rosa in 01x04.

But.

We never see him get into a bar brawl or end up in the drunk tank after 01x01.  His drinking socially with the group in 01x09 is clearly not at the same level as his non-stop day drinking in 01x02.  He has one beer with Isobel when they’re speaking in his trailer in 01x10 - one beer is a far cry from the way he was drinking in 01x04.  Then we get whole episodes without him drinking, such as  01x11.

Does he stop drinking altogether?  No.  But, aside from the fact that shitty things are still happening and he’s still self-medicating, that’s where things come back to point one for me.  Drinking is Southwest culture - of course, he goes to the bar after work.  Of course, he cracks open a cold beer after five. That’s pretty much par for the course in day to day life in a small southwestern town.

Michael drinks in 10 episodes, yes.  You know what?

Liz drinks in 9 episodes.

Maria is only in 10 episodes and drinks in 6.

Michael being singled out for being an alcoholic, not by fandom but by canon, would irritate me. The main character went to college and has a white collar job, so she can drink in ¾ of the episodes, including in the middle of the day, and it means nothing. Isobel is rich and privileged so she can literally steal Michael's own acetone infused drink, and have countless bottles of empty acetone lying around her house, but she's good. However, the blue-collar worker with the poor background is an addict because we put a drink in his hand for 10 episodes, even though 7 of them are related to trauma and heartbreak.  Yeah, I pretty much hate it.

The fact that shows always choose the "wrong side of the tracks" character to be the addict reeks of class prejudice to me. It’s a negative stereotype.  They're the “lower class” character, therefore they're an alcoholic.  Like addiction doesn't occur in all social statuses or something.

There are posts out there that literally dismiss Michael’s character as an  “Unemployed Drunk”. Sorry, you can't sell me on the notion that classism isn’t involved in that interpretation of his character.  Not when Liz is unemployed more times than Michael is and drinks almost as much.

So - yes - I would be annoyed by them choosing an addiction story arc for Michael.  Choosing the only “lower social status” character to be the addict when you have a whole cast of other characters to choose from?  I am very against that.  Is it a deal breaker? No, I've put up with far worse things in shows than a single arc I don’t appreciate.  But it is how I feel.

People have a variety of coping mechanisms, unhealthy and healthy.  Michael being able to let go of an unhealthy coping mechanism by learning to open up to others is my preferred version of the plot.  Especially if we get to see him turn to a healthy coping mechanism, like playing music again.  As much as I hate the way his hand was healed against his will, no longer being in pain meaning he no longer needs alcohol or acetone to assist him through the day is also my preference.  And I feel both are capable of being interpreted by canon events just as easily as an addiction.

I do feel the abrupt healing of his hand could lead to an addiction.  He’s used to being in pain, his body is used to having a certain level of acetone/alcohol in it because of the injury.  That suddenly disappearing could really mess up his system. And they could also use it to address that Max healed him without his consent, which would psychologically affect him on top of the physical effects.  But that’s really the only addiction story arc for him that I would truly be fully okay with.

[siren-theories]

Repeating the past - Ben and Ryn as modern parallels to Charles Pownall and his mermaid?

When I wrote my previous post about the Pownall Massacre I noticed just how many parallels between the massacre and our trio exist, especially for the characters of Ben and Ryn. In fact, I saw so many parallels that I started writing the following as the last part of my analysis. But I soon realized that this was too large and merited an article of its own. 

If you are unfamiliar with the story of the Pownall Massacre feel free to read my previous article on it (or alternatively you can just accept my conclusions at face value).

Gifs in this post are either taken from the official freeform site, Crayonboxhearts, koortega or sirensource. 

Due to the characters involved in the Charles Pownall story this analysis has to mainly focus on Ben and Ryn. I apologize beforehand if it seems as if I am ignoring Maddie. You will understand why once you get to the last part of this article. 

Hypothesis: The story of Charles H. Pownall and his mermaid might be repeating itself in the form of Ben and Ryn (and to a certain extent Maddie).

(Polymarine fans upon reading the previous sentence)

The looming threat of Ben turning into his ancestor and Ryn into the original mermaid is always present in the show and adds drama and spice to their relationship. A huge part of what makes their relationship worth watching is experiencing how they overcome the past - or not - and how they make different choices than their respective families / societies. This piece will examine how the show creates parallels and in which way they differ from the original characters. 

Part I: The Parallels

There are multiple obvious parallels between the story of Charles and his mermaid and our trio, so many in fact that this is very unlikely to be coincidental. 

1. Charles Pownall was the first of the Bristol Cove community to meet a mermaid and became entranced with her and her song

(ELAINE: “I*m curious, how did you and Ben become friends? RYN: Ben almost hit me with car.”) 

Likewise, Ben is the first person in close to 150 years to meet a mermaid and he too becomes entranced with her song in Episode 101: “The Mermaid Discovery”.

2. Both Charles and Ben were already in a committed relationship when they met the mermaid. 

Charles was married to an unnamed woman (presumably Bens great-great-great-grandmother),  Ben was dating Maddie for several months until Ryn arrived on the scene. 

(Player 3 has entered the game) 

As with Charles, the new presence complicates the existing relationship, to the point that Ben and Maddie break up for a short while in Episode 110 when he (under the influence of the song) consistently put his need to protect Ryn over communicating with Maddie. 

3. Charles and the mermaid lived together on land. 

(”Ryn choose[...] I stay on land with Ben and Maddie”) 

Ryn too lives with Ben and Maddie on land, As of 209, she wants to stay on land permanently even though it might put her in danger. 

4. Charles Pownall suffered from alleged mental illness due to the song.

Likewise, Ben and Maddie experience visions and exhibit poor impulse control after being exposed to it. This ranges from visions of Ryn being in danger to a unique way of telling your prospective inlaws about the nature of your relationship with their son and the “friend from Finland”. 

5. Charles tried alcohol to cope with the effects of the song. 

(Episode 209 “No North Star” and Episode 211 “Mixed Signals”)

Maddie and Ben start drinking alcohol whenever missing Ryn or daydrinking when under the effect of the song.

6. Charles started to act abnormally when his mermaid was gone.

Ben and Maddie also act abnormally whenever Ryn might have left them for good. Ben takes risky trips to sea at night in Episode 105 "Curse of the Starving Class" , both Maddie and Ben self-medicate with the song in Episode 209 "No North Star".

7. As with Charles the song causes brain damage in Ben and Maddie.  

(“My song do this? Make Heads go dark?” - from Episode 211: “Mixed Signals” )

8. It is likely that Charles’ mermaid was the one initiating the sexual part of the relationship. 

"I have a dream. About Ben.[...]Maddie says it is because I want you."

While Ben and Ryn discussed having feelings for each other before, it is Ryn who pursues him in 204 “Oil and Water”. 

Ryn is the first to kiss both Maddie and Ben (mimicking human behaviour in episodes 105 and 106 with first true kisses happening in episode 204). It is Ryn who first states the wish to have sexual relations with the other two.

All subsequent sexual encounters we see depicted on the show happen with Ryn being the one initiating them. 

(Episode 208) 

(Episode 209) 

(Episode 210)

(Episode 213)

9. According to other humans the mermaid was a woman of ill repute, even slandered as a tavern prostitute after her disappearance.

Likewise, Ryn is seen as a drug addict, murder suspect and person-who-holds-wild-orgies-at-the-cabin-with-Ben by elements of the police force. The look on Deputy Marissa Staub's face when Ryn appears besides Ben at the Cabin in Episode 203 “Natural Order” speaks volumes.

(Tfw you discover the local prince is way too intimate with the local druggie, offending conservative sensibilities everywhere.  Oh the humanity.)

Marissa also likely views Ryn as a home-wrecker (considering she knows Maddie is dating Ben and is close to Dale), much the same way other humans would have viewed Charles mermaid.

10. Charles and the Mermaid had a baby

One thing missing at this point in the show is the presence of a hybrid baby but that might (and I think eventually will) change in the following seasons. There were multiple scenes in Episode 213 where both Ben and Ryn clearly exhibited signs of wanting to have children with each other and one scene in particular where they both had to force themselves not to do so within that episode.

[Sidenote: The acting in Episodes 213-216 was on point.] 

Wwhether there will be a baby in the relationship due to Ryn getting her full-blood baby back (although I think it more likely that one - if it survives - will end up with the other sirens in the sea) or a hypothetical future hybrid baby she might have with Ben (something I personally thnk will be the direction the show will eventually take in the penultimate, maybe ultimate season) the massive anvil sized hints the writers dropped in 213 are too huge to ignore.

[Sidenote: Would Ben and Ryn need IVF to conceive? Probably not. As the tests showed in Episode 213 "The Outpost" there was nothing wrong with Ryn. I believe the problem with getting pregnant was firmly on the male side as infertility in apex predators (and humans) is most often a male problem and the procedure they used is typically used to fix low sperm count in male humans. More on that maybe in a later article.]

11. There is persistent symbolism associated with Charles Pownall, Ben and Ryn in Season 1

In Episode 109 “Street Fight” the most tragic event of Season 1 (Donna getting fatally wounded) happens right near the statue of Ben's Ancestor, with the camera panning over to the statue multiple times to make sure the audience gets the hint. 

It also featured a storyline of Ben acting increasingly irrationally (albeit in a very mild manner compared to Charles) while trying to protect Ryn from Katrina. 

 Conclusion: 

So there you have it. The Siren trio is just a retelling of the Charles Pownall story adapted for modern times, destined for the same tragic ending. After all, the parallels are there. Charles = Ben, his mermaid = Ryn. 

(Polymarine representatives gather near the author’s house to register their difference of opinion, 2019, decolorized) 

Maybe not.

Or rather, this is not the same story and the show tells us that they are not reliving the past.

B) Differences

Whereas the story of Charles Pownall was that of a tragedy and eventual separation, the story of our trio is not. In fact, what the writers are going for seems to be the kind of story that shows that people in similar situations might act in a different manner than their ancestors and thus that similar situations might have different, better outcomes.

Let us take a look at the ways the show differentiates the trio from the Pownall story and also the ways the show outright tells us that this is not the same story.

1. Ryn and Ben’s motivations are different than those of their ancestors

Unlike the mermaid which helped Charles find material wealth, Ryn's initial motive is to find her sister, then stop the overfishing, then safeguard her pack, then save her species from extinction. This of course is accompanied by the motive of Ryn to stay with Ben and Maddie, a motive which might even have taken priority if Ryn leaving her pack to stay on land permanently in Episode 209 is any indication. 

The initial motive on the actions of Charles were profit (and maybe fame), which is definitely not the case with Ben who seems to not care much about material wealth as evidenced by Episode 108 where he declines a new car.

ELAINE: "Your car is disgusting." BEN: "I like my car" ELAINE: "We could buy you a new one, you know. One of those electrics....good for the environment."

Ben could easily become famous and have a huge career boost by "discovering" Ryn and publishing his findings but he does not. Instead his main motive seems to protect both humans and Sirens from harming each other - something that Ryn comes to eventually share as well.  

2. The characters act as a bridge between the cultures, not as dividers

The show sometimes attaches imaginery to fit that purpose, as in Episode 203 “Oil and Water”.

(Let's just look each other in the eyes for 30 seconds while the merpack safely sleeps between us and hope that the viewers are not too distracted by the sexual tension to not notice the symbolism) 

The writers further bring up the idea of characters (specifically Ryn) acting as a bridge between the cultures in Epsiode 206.

RYN: “Shapeshifter like me” DALE: Yes. And in those stories, the ones like you often represent the idea of two worlds coming together. [...] But maybe that is your calling, to lead my kind and your kind to a peaceful existence in this new world.” 

In 208 Ben reveals his hope that eventually the two species can live together (again) in harmony (something that Ryn, Maddie and Ben already practice on a smaller scale).

3. When facing a choice between their respective societies/families and their relationship the trio consistently chooses the relationship

After becoming Alpha in Episode 109 "Street fight" Ryn still choses to leave her pack behind to stay on land.

In 207 Ryn decides to volunteer as a military test subject in order to get Ben out of jail. 

This was a very risky choice - she had no reason to trust the military, no reason to believe they would ever let her go and she also risked her entire pack's welfare by placing herself in the hands of the military. Yet she still did it for Ben. 

In episode 208 Ryn leaves her pack to spend the night with Ben and Maddie and in episode 209 she reveals she permanently wants to stay with them no matter the costs or risks attached, even though it might expose her to capture by the military and thus risk her colony. The vehemence with which she defends her choice is telling. 

RYN:"Ryn hurt inside. Need Ben and Maddie" BEN: "We need you too. There is a woman looking for you". MADDIE: "She's with the military. RYN: "Yes. I help her." BEN: "Why?" RYN: "She get Ben out of cage." MADDIE: "You agreed to work with her to get Ben out of jail?" RYN: "Yes." BEN: You shouldn't have done that" RYN: "Ben is love" BEN: "Look you shouldn't have put yourself in danger for me." MADDIE: "We think it's better for you to go back to the water. Just for a while." 

At this suggestion, Ryn gets visibly angry.

RYN: "Ryn choose...Military was bad to sister, but good to Ryn."   MADDIE: "For now. But we don't know what they want to do to you." RYN: "I stay with Ben and Maddie."

Ben likewise rejects his family business and refuses to follow in the footsteps of his ancestors. When presented with a "dark" vision of himself in Episode 214 he rejects it with horror. He consistently lies to his family to keep Ryn safe  and to help her. Most importantly at the end of Episode 215 “Sacrifice” he puts Ryn’s safety above the health of his own mother, who might very well die because of this choice.

Kyle, slimeball extraordinaire and commander of the military facility had previously told Ben that his mother would need another injection of Ryn's stem cells soon in order to continue healing, leading to the following conversation:  

MADDIE: “As soon as he finds out what we did, that'll be the end of our relationship with him.” BEN: “Yeah. This is what matters right now. For Ryn and her species. All the rest we'll just have to figure out.”

Maddie likewise choses to protect Ryn and breaks a solemn vow to her father to do so in Episode 107 “Dead in the water” . While maybe not on the same level of the above-mentioned sacrifices made by Ryn and Ben there is not a single reason to doubt that she too would choose her two mates over anybody else.

4. The human families of the trio are not openly hostile to them being together with Ryn 

Charles Pownall's family was hostile to the mermaid with the Hawkins being permanently ostracized by the Pownells.

The human families reaction to the relationship between Ben, Ryn and Maddie are different from that. Maddie's mother, Susan, is concerned - but not about the nature of the relationship, instead she is concerned about Maddie getting hurt. We do not know what Dale thinks about the relationship or if he even knows about it though I find it hard to believe Maddie would keep it from him. Thus I would argue he at least tolerates it). 

Ben's father seems completely unfazed by his son being in a polyamorous relationship. If anything he seems more amused by the display Maddie made when she announced that she, Ryn and Ben were in such a relationship instead of the fact itself.

HELEN: "That was quite the show" TED *laughs* : "That's one way to put it. I just hope those three figure it out, whatever it is." 

Elaine was shocked but that might have been more due to the nature of the announcement - she certainly did not have any problems with Ryn kissing Ben in Episode 209 despite knowing that Ben was with Maddie. 

There are a few caveats to the above. Nobody except Dale knows Ryn’s true nature. Ted's reaction might very well be different and even hostile in the future considering he is on the verge of finding out about Ryn. Of course the Sirens having something to do with the boat accident that crippled Elaine or that Elaine might suffer more in the future due to Ryn having to withhold stem cells from her might also cause Ted and Elaine to react negatively in the future.  

5.  (Human) society has evolved a bit since the 19th century

Humans in the 19th century would not have reacted kindly to an unmarried woman (the siren) spending time with a married man (Charles) , even if they did not know her true origin,

[Sidenote: If you want to have a “fun” time read up what people did in the 19th and early 20th centuries to sabotage relationships that were considered abnormal. In the infamous example of Virginia Woolf this even involved a plane chase across two countries.] 

When the trio's human friend Xander learns about the relationship, his reaction is one of surprise and shock. (You can watch the scene here). However a discussion between him and Maddie in Episode 212 confirms that this is not due to a rejection of the nature of the relationship but more about Xander's worry that the Siren song is controlling Maddie. After being told this is not the case, he drops that objection and while he certainly does not like the relationship he is not taking active steps to sabotage it unlike 19th century people might have 

In fact it seems as if nobody in Bristol Cove much cares about the relationship the three have. There must by now be a considerable amount of people seeing the trio interact in public like this: 

(Yes officer, this scene right here)

And multiple people in the anchor saw Ryn and Ben dancing together in 204 in a manner that was way too intimate to just be friends.

(Taking bets on the number of gaskets Deputy Marissa will blow when she hears about this happening.) 

Especially in a small town like Bristol Cove where everybody knows each other the gossip mill must already run wild about the trio. However nobody seems to mind. 

This of course is a major difference of today's society to the 19th century society of Charles and his mermaid. Today's society cares much less about things like adhering to strict heterosexual norms and two-person relationships. Unlike in the 19th century where even marrying below your station would be considered a betrayal and seriously threaten your standing in society,  the acceptance of sexuality and relationships as fluid concepts is at an all-time high.

There is only one person who openly is hostile against Ryn spending time with Ben and Maddie in the show and that is Deputy Marissa. However Marissa also believes that Ryn is a drug addict, possible dealer, possible murder suspect and person-who-holds-wild-drug-orgies-at-the-cabin-with-Ben. No wonder she is hostile to Ryn given that it is her duty to protect Bristol Cove from bad influences - which her inaccurate version of Ryn definitely is. 

If anything it seems that the Siren society is less accepting of the relationship than humans are (at least Cami and Katrina are appalled by it). But as long as Ryn is Alpha then what are they going to do about it without risking an immediate beatdown by an enraged Ryn? 

[Sidenote: At this time I feel it is my solemn duty to link you this great video of humans reacting to the trio, edited by Koortega.]

6. The reactions to the Siren Song might be different from those of Charles

This is more speculative than the other parts of this post because we do not know the specific reactions of Charles Pownall to the song. Yet so far - and speaking strictly about the effect of the song on the relationship - whenever the song is used it does not have negative effects with regards to threatening the relationship. 

Ben's visions are not about domineering or being possessive about Ryn, but ultimately about protecting her (Episode 110 “Aftermath” and to a lesser extent Episode 203 “Natural Selection”), realizing he might hurt her through his behaviour and reaffirming how much he loves her (Episode 214 “The last mermaid”).  

Likewise Maddie, despite being exposed to the more harmful defensive variant of the song only wants to tell the world about how much she loves Ryn and Ben. 

[Sidenote: There is also the unlikely possibility that the relationship between Charles and his mermaid was solely based on the song, which in any case is not true for our trio.]

A cure for the brain damage due to the song also exists and the experience of obtaining that cure together brings the throuple closer together. 

(From Episode 212: “Serenity”)  

So there you have it. There are enough differences between the trio and Charles Pownall and his mermaid to not have them go down the same dark path. But in this case the show goes even further. 

C) The events of the last episodes of Season 2

The writers themselves tell us in no uncertain terms in the last four episodes of Season 2 that this is not the same story because Ben and Ryn are not their respective ancestors. 

In Episode 213 and 214 as the Pownall massacre as well as Ryn’s mating drive and her unilateral actions based on that drive put the relationship to its hardest test. 

It is important to note that the writers used multiple contrivances to arrive at this point. For the biggest example, Ryn seems to have suddenly developed complete memory loss with regards to her knowledge about Ben being a Pownall. Which is more than a bit contrived considering Ben and Maddie discuss his father owning Pownall’s two meters away from her while she is clearly listening in Episode 106 “Showdown”. 

This was not something Ryn overheard considering later in the same episode: 

DONNA: I see his face. In that place take our food. RYN: That was not him. That was his father. Writers of Episode 213: FAKE NEWS.

Oh and if there was any doubt left there is also that time Bens father was called Mr. Pownall in front of Ryn in Episode 108. 

(WRITERS: “You saw nothing.”)

In Episode 110 Helen explicitly names the father of the hybrid baby as “Charles Pownall” and also confirms that Ben and her are related through Charles. This is done while Ryn is listening and participating in that conversation (I have transcribed the whole conversation in my previous post about the massacre)

Ryn also seems to have paid no attention at all to her surroundings while living with Ben and Maddie for months (c’mon, does that sound anything like the hyperobservant, inquisitive and highly intelligent mermaid we know?). Anybody who walks around a modern human name would shortly know the name of the homeowner. Given all these factors, her not knowing before Episode 213 makes no sense at all. 

So why the contrivance? 

Of course one possibility is that the writers were too incompetent to remember what they wrote a year ago. But I do not believe this to be the case, especially with how few contradictions there are in the show otherwise and the great attention to detail the writers usually have. Maybe they  wanted to score cheap drama? But there already was enough drama with Ryn trying to save her species from extinction (plus the effect this had on Ben and Maddie) and it seems odd to go to such great lengths just for that. Therefore I would argue that the Pownell revelation was (at least partly) included here to make a specific point.

What point would that be? Let us recap what happens in those episodes, especially 214. 

After “suddenly discovering” (excuse me while I go grind my teeth in the corner) in Episode 213 that Ben’s last name is Pownell Ryn gets very upset and concerned, culminating in the following exchange in Episode 214: 

BEN: "Charles." RYN: "He loved one like me and his love turned bad. It makes him angry. He killed my people. And it starts with love. Like *crying* Like Ben love Ryn."

Ryn is clearly concerned about a repeat of the original Pownall story. And in this episode Ryn (and the audience) is explicitly told by Maddie that Ben is not his ancestor - just as Ryn is not hers either. 

MADDIE: "You know my mother, Susan?" RYN: "Yes" MADDIE: "Remember I told you how she was? The pain she caused me?" RYN: "Yes. She was weak and sad." Maddie: "Am I like her?" RYN: "No. You are strong." MADDIE: "Just because your family thinks or acts a certain way doesn't mean you have to repeat that. Ben's ashamed of what his family did. And many in your colony don't trust humans. They want to fight them. But you came on land, you trusted us, fell in love with us." RYN: "Love can be good or bad." MADDIE: "Yeah. But I trust Ben. I trust you. I trust that our love is good."

(Take ALL the Applause Maddie, you earned it.)

Ryn accepts Maddie's argument. The speed at which she does so as well as her obvious concern for Ben when he disappears during the episode seems to indicate that she was more conflicted about her own feelings than anything else - like Ben himself in that episode one might say. When Ben finally reappears, Ryn is visibly relieved at the sight of him and the following exchange happens: 

RYN: "You are okay?" BEN: "No. Not okay." RYN: "Angry with me?" BEN: "Confused. About myself." RYN: "Ben. I know you would not hurt me. I know you are different from your family. Those who kill. BEN: "I want to believe that." RYN: "I believe. Our love is good." BEN: "You trust me?" RYN: "I don't want you to feel any more pain."

The relationship between her and Ben survives the stress test and trust seems to be fully restored through Ben’s following actions in Episode 215 (some of which have already been mentioned before). 

The relationship seems to have been fully repaired by the end of 215 but if there was any lingering distrust I think Episode 216 would have dispelled that as Ryn is clearly willing to move forward with the relationsip at the end of Episode 216. Letting Ian drown might have been taken by Ryn as a display of trust, especially as she knows that it took a toll on Ben.

This of course is a parallel to another Season 1 episode. In Episode 106 “Showdown” Ben steps in to prevent Ryn from killing another antagonist that was a threat to her (Aldon Decker). Her reaction to Ben refusing to let a human die to keep her safe is one of anger and feeling betrayed.

RYN: "Why you help the bad man?” [Ben refuses to let Ryn kill Decker by placing himself between them] RYN: You choose him. You should choose me."

In Episode 216, Ben does so. He clearly chooses Ryn and her safety over the life of a fellow human.

Even without that choice it was in my opinion already clear from the looks they share at the end of Episode 215 that they will move forward with each other. 

(Protip to a happy life: find yourself a relationship where the persons involved in said relationship can still look at each other like that even after they just finished putting each other through hell for several days). 

Due to all the factors involved in Episodes 213-216 (Ryn unilaterally deciding for much of the storyline and expecting the others to go along without giving them a say, the whole fertility crisis amongst the Sirens and of course the Pownall “revelation”) this probably was the worst stress the relationship could ever be under at that point. 

I therefore posit that if the relationship between Ben and Ryn would be “Charles Pownell 2.0″, this would have been a fracture point instead of a successful stress test.

And the relationship between Ben and Ryn surviving is of course in no small part due to the largest stabilizing element in the relationship, the one element that was missing from the story of Charles and his Siren.

D) The third element

Imagine how different the story of Charles and his mermaid might have happened had they lived with the Haida - people who knew how to deal with human-siren relationships, how to help hybrids and who were most likely used to that kind of relationship happening. 

The present-day relationship the show is depicting has such a large stabilizing element to it. I am talking of course about the one person I have so far criminally neglected in favour of focusing on Ben and Ryn (because they are the parallels to charles and their mermaid and also because this allowed me to give this post a better structure).

Maddie might not be Haida biologically, but she is a Haida in the cultural sense of the word. She was raised by a Haida man and one of the first stories she tells Ryn to calm her down in Episode 102 “The Lure” is a Haida story. Now of course Maddie is not the solution to all the problems the trio faces. She does not have any Haida knowledge on how to deal with hybrids or Sirens.

However, she is by far the largest stabilizing element in the relationship as evidenced by episode 214 and the episodes before. Whenever Ryn and Ben are acting out of character or have communication issues (either between them, others or with Maddie), Maddie appears as the mediator that manages to get through to the other two and makes them see reason. Even when she initially fails (as with Ben in 110 and with her first discussion with Ryn in 214) she still manages to have enough of an impact on them to get them to reconsider their actions, change their behaviour and attempt to fix the situation. 

Her second long dialogue between her and Ryn Episode 214 (which is quoted in the segment C of this post) is the best example of Maddie’s exceptional communication skills. It probably is one of my top 5 Maddie scenes of the show and highlights just how integral Maddie is for the story of the trio. The way Maddie (without recriminations) manages to make Ryn understand that she got the wrong impression of Ben, the way she focuses the communication on the love that is the basis of the trio relationship is unbelievably on point.

Or to put it more bluntly: The story of Siren is not the story of Ben and Ryn alone. It is the story of Ben, Ryn and Maddie. It is a story about the unique love and trust that develops between the three. 

And this is why I firmly believe that we are not seeing a repeat o the CharlesPownell story here. Instead, what we are seeing is how the more enlghtened and more evolved characters of Ryn and Ben and Maddie make different choices than their ancestors. In short, just because History might look similar, it does not - and will not - repeat itself in this case.

Does that mean there will be no challenges to the relationship in the future? Of course not for otherwise there would be a lot less in the show. We already see the groundwork for multiple future stress tests of the relationship being laid  (Ted having footage of Ryn underwater, the Sirens attacking Ted in the water when Elaine had the boating accident, the reaction by some sirens like Cami to the relationship, Ben letting Ian drown, him and Ryn keeping this from Maddie etc.) 

But there is one certainty the show tells us over and over again, even chosing it as the end screen for season 2.

They are love. 

And on that note, we shall end the analysis of the parallels between our throuple and the Pownall Massacre. Thank you for reading and for sticking with this rather long post until the end. I shall endeavour to make the next post a little shorter, I promise. Alternative interpretations, additional info or critique are always welcome.  

[Final sidenote: Anybody wishing for the trio to become a duo (whether it be Ben/Ryn, Maddie/Ryn or Ben/Maddie) is asking for the show to be a lot poorer in terms of character interaction, to be less inclusive and to have fewer opportunities for future storylines.

Could the story work with just Ryn and Maddie or just Ryn and Ben? Yes, the love between each of them might be strong enough to survive without the third.  But such a story would not be Siren, it would be another star-crossed-lovers story that has been done countless times before. 

And this is why it was immediately clear that Episode 216 was a giant fake-out as soon as Maddie was fatally wounded in it.]

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

An exploration of Willow’s magic addiction and Dark!Willow

On my recent BtVS re-watch I found a new found appreciation for Willow’s character and her magic/dark arc, in particular. I’ve seen a lot of fans comment on this over the years and there’s a lot of criticism of the arc, so I wanted to give my own opinion on it. 

So this post will provide an exploration of Willow’s character, her addiction to magic and Dark!Willow. It’s divided into two parts. Part 1 will explore the reasons why Willow’s magic addiction is valid as an addiction and Part 2 will look at why this dark arc makes perfect sense for Willow’s character. 

This meta was inspired by an ask I saw a few months back that discussed Willow’s magic addiction and the person essentially said that they don’t understand how Willow could have been addicted to magic and they felt the concept didn’t really fit. Annoyingly, I can’t seem to find this post anywhere, so if you’re the person who wrote this or you know who did, please let me know so I can share a link to it here for those that are interested in reading it. 

Part 1: Willow’s addiction to magic 

I understand the validity of questioning whether the word “addiction” fits with Willow’s struggles with magic, since magic isn’t something that exits in reality so we can’t fully grasp how this works. However, within the BtVS universe where magic does exist, I feel that Willow’s addiction to magic is completely valid. 

The NHS (UK) website describes addiction as: “not having control over doing, taking or using something to the point where it could be harmful to you” (x) It also lists examples of addictions such as are work, the internet, solvents and shopping. 

Generally, when we hear the word “addiction” our mind immediately goes to drugs or alcohol, but there are two primary aspects of addiction. One is substance abuse which is obviously drugs and alcohol, but the other is behavioural addiction which can be any kind of repeated behaviour such as gambling, shopping or eating. 

The main argument I see against Willow’s addiction arc is that it doesn’t make sense as a drug addiction.I agree that at times the lines become blurred and her addiction is framed as a substance addiction, but it’s not that kind of addiction. Willow’s addiction is a behavioural addiction rather than a substance addiction (although there is a substance element involved).

Addiction is rooted in a “high”, and that can be of the physical, mental or emotional kind. It becomes an addiction when the person develops a cycle of repetitive behaviours in chasing that “high.” Over time, as the addiction grows it can have negative consequences aspects the person’s life and their relationships with others, because the addiction consumes them and they prioritise it above everything else. 

Willow’s descent into magic addiction was completely in-line with what addiction generally consists of and was built up gradually over time. Initially, it was subtle with her enjoying being able to contribute to the Scoobies through her magic because it made her feel more important and valuable. Eventually that started to progress and she began to actively enjoy the power and high that magic provided her with. This led her to practice it more and more until she was using it to do menial everyday tasks and everybody around her was noticing that she was starting to become dependent upon it. It also became a coping mechanism for her, a way to resolve problems in her life. We saw this when Willow used magic to erase Tara’s memories of their argument in ‘All the Way’. This was one of the first clear signs that Willow’s magic had gotten out of control, because instead of resolving her argument with Tara respectfully and maturely, she turned to magic as an easier and quicker solution to her problems. 

Throughout season 6, Willow’s addiction to magic was organically developed (even if it may have been fast paced at certain points) and was also very believable within the context of her character. On the surface it can seem surprising that sweet, meek, nerdy Willow would turn into such an intensely morally grey character who becomes consumed by addiction and power. But actually, the signs that she could potentially go down this path were there very early on in the series and were solidified when she met Tara in season 4.

Part 2: Willow’s characterisation 

From very early on in the series, there were aspects of Willow’s personality that suggested she had the capacity to become addicted to magic and that explain how and why that happened. 

In season 1, we saw that Willow wasn’t afraid to push boundaries and break rules. She used her knowledge of computers to hack into highly confidential records that she could be prosecuted for breaking into if she was caught. However, there are two core aspects to Willow’s characterisation that I perceive to be consistent with her addiction to magic and descent into Dark!Willow. The first is the way she feels about and perceives herself and the second is her unhealthy love for Tara. 

Regarding the first, Willow at the start of the series generally lacked a lot of confidence and felt undervalued. She had no friends (except Xander) and the way Cordelia treated her suggested that she was considered one of the school nerds and therefore a bit of an outcast. When she met Buffy, it was fantastic for her to find a new friend, but it also resulted in her feeling supplanted and inferior. Buffy was naturally the opposite to Willow - extroverted, charismatic, charming, outgoing, conventionally beautiful - and got a lot of admiration and attention from others. All of this capitalised on Willow’s insecurities and emphasised what she perceived to be her weaknesses. What was even more upsetting for Willow is that Buffy managed to capture Xander’s heart. That was such a huge deal for Willow, because Xander was her only friend and the only person that knew her and valued her as a person. She placed all of her confidence in Xander’s validation and perception of her, so the fact that Xander was unable to view her in a romantic light but was immediately smitten with Buffy really affected Willow. 

The importance Willow placed on Xander was the start of a pattern for her whereby she invested her sense of self into others perceptions of her. First it was Xander, then Oz (though to a lesser extent) and finally Tara. The reason she did this is because she had low self-esteem, meaning that she didn’t believe in herself or value her own opinion of herself, so she turned to others that she did value to confirm her worth and validate her. This desire for external validation from those around her also explains why Willow cheated on Oz with Xander. She spent years of her life invested in Xander, he was her best friend, she had romantic feelings for him and she desperately craved his validation above anybody else’s. So when his head was finally turned by her and he was attracted to her, she couldn’t do anything else but give into that. That was all she had wanted from Xander for years and particularly at the time of their first kiss, Willow needed to feel that admiration from him to reassure her that she was more than just nerd girl Willow and that she was also a beautiful, attractive young woman. 

Although Willow loved Oz, she never actively sought validation from him to the same extent that she did with Xander and Tara. I can only assume this is because her relationship with Oz was healthier and less co-dependent than her relationships with Xander and Tara. Willow valued Oz’s opinion but the fact that he wanted her from the second he saw her and genuinely liked, respected and admired her meant she never had to actively seek it, because it was given willingly. I would actually argue that the period when Willow was with Oz is when she seemed most content and comfortable in her own skin and I largely attribute that to the fact that her relationship with Oz was balanced and equal and she didn’t have to beg or pine for validation. However, unfortunately, whatever validation or self-esteem Willow did get from Oz was destroyed when he cheated on her. Being cheated on is a huge dent in their self-esteem and pride regardless of who they are, but for someone like Willow who was already suffering from low self-esteem it was particularly devastating for her. Now in Willow’s mind she has to face up to the fact that the only person that’s ever loved her and wanted her didn’t love or want her enough to stay with her, betrayed her and chose another over her. That’s a hard pill to swallow. 

When Tara entered Willow’s life it was a game changer. Willow liked and idolised Tara from the moment she met her. From the beginning, Willow placed Tara on a pedastal which is dangerous because Willow had a tendency to inflate the importance of others’ validation of her. What adds to this is the fact that Tara fed Willow’s need for validation by telling her that she was worthy, special, powerful and capable. It’s everything Willow wanted and needed to hear (particuarly after being cheated on by Oz) and it’s the start of a relationship that was incredibly co-dependent and which correlated directly to her struggles with addiction. 

Meeting Tara enabled Willow to practice magic openly and to learn more about the craft. Not only that, it showed Willow the magical side of magic which came from practicing it with Tara. Immediately, Willow became exposed to the seductive side of magic and the way in which it brought her closer to Tara created a positive perception of magic which became entertwined with her feelings for Tara. The praise Willow recieved from others (but Tara in particular) about her magical abilities fed her ego more and more. We know that Tara liked and loved Willow for who she was as a person, but from Willow’s perception it was always about her magic. Magic is what brought them together and it was always a core facet of their relationship and something they shared. Willow’s love for Tara was undoubtedly a huge aspect of why her addiction spiraled. She didn’t just want or crave Tara’s validation, she needed it. In fact, when Tara said she didn’t think their relationship was working Willow actually said, “I need you”. Likewise, after Tara’s death dark!Willow said: “The only thing Willow was ever good for, the only thing I had going for me were the moments, just moments where she would look at me and I was wonderful. And that will never happen again.” This quote, perfecly encapsualtes everything I’ve spoken about regarding the importance Willow placed on Tara and the validation she provided her with, to the point that Willow felt she was nothing without it. She also idolised Tara to an unhealthy extent which made her feel like she needed Tara in her life to keep her in check and bring out the goodness in her. Although Willow was using magic too much and showing signs of being unable to control her addiction the first time she really crossed a line was in ‘All the Way’ when she erased Tara’s memories; something she only did because she couldn’t stand Tara being angry at her and their relationship being in jeopardy. 

Whilst Willow’s relationship with Tara was significant in her addiction, the most significant person was of course Willow herself. Her relationship with Tara, just like her addiction to magic, was all an extension of her characterisation. Willow was always capable of developing this kind of issue because of the very nature of who she was. She constantly felt inferior, overlooked, unimportant, undervalued and undesirable. When someone feels like that it can cause a lot of resentment and pent-up anger to build, along with a desire to be able to control those aspects of themselves and their lives they don’t like. That’s exactly what magic did for Willow; it enabled her to take control of every aspect of her life and influence the opinions and actions of those around her. Why have to deal with the disapproval and anger from the person you love most when you can say a little incantantion and fix everything? It’s not difficult to see how and why the addiction would develop and particularly for someone with Willow’s personality. The conversation she had with Buffy at the end of ‘Wrecked’ really sums this all up perfectly: 

WILLOW: But I mean if you could be, you know, plain old Willow or super Willow, who would you be? I guess you don't actually have an option on the whole super thing. BUFFY: Will, there's nothing wrong with you. You don't need magic to be special. WILLOW: Don't I? I mean, Buffy, who was I? Just some girl. Tara didn't even know that girl. BUFFY: You are more than some girl. And Tara wants you to stop. She loves you. WILLOW: We don't know that. BUFFY: I know that. I promise you. WILLOW: I just...it took me away from myself. I was free.

This encompasses everything I’ve discussed in this post. Magic made Willow feel safe, without it she felt unimportant and useless, just “some girl”; she likes that Tara didn’t know her before magic because Tara has only seen her as someone special; she fears that Tara doesn’t love her which explains why she tampered with her memories to keep her close and she had a desire to get away from herself which comes from her low self-esteem which is engrained in her and had been from season 1. 

Hints and whispers of Willow’s descent into magic addiction could be seen long before season 6. The seeds were planted from the beginning since dark!Willow and magic addiction speak to the fundamental way Willow felt and how she viewed herself. At high school she was branded a nerd and had to suffer the negative connotations, sterotypes, inferiority and insecurity that comes with such a label. Although she had friends in Xander and Buffy, and her relationship with Oz, her self-esteem was still low which we saw through the way in which she sought validation from others (particularly from Xander and Tara). Even after she left high school and grew and changed, she never stopped seeing herself as that invisible nerd that had no value. However, her relationship with Tara validated her in a way none of her previous relationships had, and magic gave her power, value, purpose and made her special. Willow is unlike any of the other Scoobies in that she was inherently insecure and had a complete lack of confidence and self-esteem. The addiction arc wouldn’t have worked with any of the other characters because they didn’t have that gaping hole at their center where their sense of self and self-worth was. Willow, no matter what point of the series she was in, always had that hole. It’s sad that we never got to see Willow build herself up and find the self-love, acceptance and esteem that she needed and deserved. But the way Willow felt and the struggles she faced as a result of those feelings are something that I’m sure many of us can relate to. 

Thanks for reading. 

[unrequited-words]

I told myself I wouldn't smoke until later tonight but here we are. I did a lot today and I'm trying to keep my mind off of this morning because if I don't this depression is going to swallow me whole and the grief I'm experiencing about the sure loss of my parents it's quite terrifying and I know I'm never going to stop missing them and I know I'm never going to stop loving them I just honestly wish they prepared me better.

My best friend, B... God bless him. The way he feels about Simon, is how I feel about Paws. Even though he isn't mine, he saved me when my dad died. Looking back, 8 years ago... I really didn't understand the sheer impact of losing my father. I didn't understand the sheer impact of miscommunication, toxic communication, and especially regret.

I carried regret in my heart for a very long time. I now know that if you don't tell people how you feel and if you don't spend time with the people that mean the world to you that's really on you. I honestly wish I wasn't afraid of my dad. I respected him but I couldn't look at him in his eyes because I was so afraid that I was making him disappointed.

I made him disappointed for a lifetime and by the time I started making it up is when he got really sick. I knew he needed a new liver and I knew he would stop drinking and he wouldn't stop his behavior because honestly if you knew you had months to live and you knew it was too late would you stop a behavior?

it also goes to say how strongly addiction runs through my family and as I sit here I can say I am addicted to smoking and I am addicted to eating and I will always have this addiction to food because it helped me cope with being raped by my brother when I was 9 but I'm the only person in my immediate family who made a life choice of weight loss surgery to better their life

By making the step it has propelled me forward and cause a reaction in my immediate family of how truly inspiring I am to my nieces, nephew's, and laws excetera. I know that I'm wasting time when I'm not working my smoking. I know these behaviors are toxic and if I think that I'm better than my brothers and my parents I am sorely mistaken. I always thought I was the black sheep of the family and maybe I am to a certain extent semicolon however, I may have stop the cycle of toxicity when it comes to my immediate family.

But I think I am who I am and I really think my husband can't accept it. I've always felt too loud, too fat, too much and maybe I had these blinders on because I thought he seen my mom drunk he seen my mom abusive towards me and he still stayed I've had so many relationships completely destroyed because they've seen my mother and they seen that toxic lifestyle and we don't want no part of that and I don't blame them because I now know that if it was me and the reversal role I would have ran a long freaking time ago

That paints me as a child of circumstance which I am but I am not a victim of it I really hope I'm not there's a reason why I don't drink and it's because alcohol and alcoholism has killed half of my immediate family. I don't really speak to my older brothers and since losing my parents I have no reason to continue a relationship with them.

It's really difficult when you start over. I hate meeting new people and having to explain about my immediate family. Having to explain why I no longer communicate with my brothers. It's not only awkward it's really embarrassing. when you think of your family think of the good that they carry and you think of the love that you have for them but for me I just see silence, toxic behaviors, and a life I don't want to be apart of.

I wish I could start over, you know?

[golbrocklovely]

First thing that comes up with Dopamine Detox is Alcohol Addiction. Not saying he is an addict but perhaps he has been using it as a coping mechanism and is going to go cold turkey which usually takes 90days for the urge to fully leave your system. He is not as active on social media as he used to be so i doubt he is taking a break from that. Basically this also falls under depletion of anything that causes arousal which could be a number of things. However, if he is joining the rest at EDC which is a massive party and trigger, i don’t see this lasting long for him.

i don't think he's doing this bc of a substance abuse issue. i mean, it very well could be, but i just don't think it is.

the way he was sort of expressing it on insta made me believe that it was about social media and maybe taking a step back from it. and just bc he isn't active for us doesn't mean he isn't on insta or twitter or tiktok "doom scrolling", so to speak.

colby is extremely self aware when his followers go down or when a video doesn't do good or when engagement isn't good on a post. i mean, i looked at his social blade just out of curiosity, and on insta last week one day he lost 270ish followers. he loss more than he gained. and while that might not matter in the grand scheme of things, bc he's still up 19k followers for this month, it doesn't matter when you get into that headspace. it's just another thing to add to the list of reasons to shit on yourself.

we all depend on likes and retweets and shit like that to feel good. it's wired in our brain that likes are a good thing, and especially when it comes to social media ppl, that's their livelihood that could be on the chopping block if ppl up and decided they didn't care anymore. so, of course it's easy to obsess and nitpick as to what went wrong and why things feel like they're going south all of sudden. and the common denominator is always gonna be you.

this, mixed with all the drama that's been happening in the fandom the past couple days, probs didn't make him feel good. and he might have spiraled a bit and just got into a weird funk.

the only reason i say that this won't work out for him is bc it doesn't work out for anyone. you can't detox your brain of dopamine. it's just a new age-y """"science"""" or fade that ppl are trying to use instead of getting down to what is probably a deeper issue. it's easier to blame your sadness or whatnot on the internet (which is could very well be the reason for it too, not saying it can't be) instead of something that you might have to go to therapy for.

and i don't mean that disrespectfully at all. i think everyone should go to therapy. life is hard and there's so much that we don't address about ourselves that cause us to hold ourselves back, whether is trauma related or not. also, coming from someone with depression and anxiety, i can't imagine taking away something that makes me feel okay for the miniscule second it does. i was like this way before the internet and social media so, any dopamine i can get i'll take, thank you very much.

but who knows. we don't know how deep this detox he's doing (that he himself even said he was only trying to a "certain extent"). hell, maybe he's just gonna meditate or not go online for a hot minute and maybe that itself is the detox. maybe he's gonna go on walk instead of online when he's bored. maybe all he's doing is not jacking off everyday lmao

as long as he feels better, that's what matters. again, no one has to listen to me. i just feel like this won't work out in the long run, but maybe it will for him.

[it-is-bugs]

I Love Lucien Week: Soldier’s Heart

Anyone who follows me may have noticed I'm not one for revealing my great inner pain or anything of the sort on tumblr. But it's actually relevant to my post, so I'll make an exception this time.  

@aussiegirl41 recommended TDBM to me, and as we tend to like the same things, I started watching 1.1.  And found myself turning it off at the first Box of Pain scene, to not come back for another two years.  I told Aussie that the lighting was too dark and I couldn't understand their accents, but now I have to wonder if something else made me switch it off.  My father suffered from PTSD triggered by his WW2 experiences until his death at 59 from alcoholism. So....yeah.  

What I've come to appreciate about TDBM is that the creators and writers went beyond just slapping "PTSD" on Lucien as a sort of tragic aura; they took the time to build the backstory and make his behaviors a result of his mental illness.  

The risk factors for PTSD start in childhood trauma, which Lucien has in spades. It's not just his mother's death, but I feel that Genevieve was an alcoholic with possibly some mental illness tossed in, and his father was emotionally unavailable well before her death. I also wonder about the little details like there's so much about his childhood which he either didn't know about, or was given a different version, from the reason for Rosie the dog going away, to Genevieve's actual cause of death, to the loss of a pregnancy, to her diabetes.  A sense of not knowing your reality is not a good foundation for a strong life.   

My own father's childhood was quite different from Lucien's economically, but they share similarities which resulted in entering adulthood without the strength to face trauma. He was raised in great poverty in Appalachia coal mining country during the Depression.  His traumas included his mother's mental illness, siblings dying as babies due to that poverty, and violence from union busting forces who would do things like rake the house with gunfire at night.  Like Lucien, he was the sensitive, intelligent sort, not quite fitting into his world.      

One of the most chilling moments for me was Nell's line, about what a sweet boy Lucien had been. It echoes nearly exactly my aunt telling me, "We gave them our sweet boy, and we didn't know the man they sent back to us."  

My father was significantly younger than Lucien when he joined the Army at age 18 the day after Pearl Harbor Day, but their paths rejoined after the war.  My father was recruited to join military intelligence, when the Army doctors rightly diagnosed him as now mentally ill, but they reassured him that this would now make him suited for the sort of things that they needed him to do.  Although there's not been that scene with Lucien, I would think he would have been similarly evaluated and routed into intelligence.

It does seem counter-intuitive that you'd put yourself back into dangerous situations when you're already deeply traumatized, but there can be a need to recreate the trauma, to fix it, to control it, as much as to avoid heightened emotional situations. One of the fascinating things that the writers do with Lucien is weave this need to control the pain into recreating the crimes.  Instead of his own horrible flashbacks and recreations, he puts himself in this other situation, where he can focus those heightened emotions while in the shoes of the victim or killer.  If Lucien's in the events, he can control it to an extent, and not be overwhelmed by it.  At the same time, he often put himself in deadly situations with this technique, showing several times no regard for his own survival, facing down knives, guns, hands around his throat with such relish that you sense he wouldn't mind dying. A real emotional turning point is 5.5, when he truly fights to live.  After all, Jean's got dinner waiting and she'll be cross if he's late.    

I've felt a certain frustration at fan reactions to Lucien's actions, as though it's something he could control. His emotional paralysis is a result of horrible awful things happening when he’s made decisions in the past. His drinking is about more than addiction. He needs it to sleep and to stop the terrible images. PTSD sufferers are still drinking themselves to death, even with many more medications available.  It works. And in 1961, with so few options available, I can't see how he'll be able to stop. His brain itself has been changed by the trauma.  He will suffer from nightmares, have hyper response to stimulation, mood disturbances, etc, for the rest of his life.  I'd love to say that marriage to Jean will change things, but if the story were to be told realistically, not so much.

Which brings me to another similarity with my family and the show.  I see a lot of my mother in Jean.  Strong women, with a great capacity for caregiving, but who expect others to be as strong as they are.  One of the little touches that I like is how Jean treated Christopher Sr with the same toughness as she treats Lucien--she has her own patterns to replicate. Although she understands that Lucien has been through a lot, I don't think she understands the true effect. I don't blame the character for this at all--it's completely realistic for the timeframe.  He should put the pictures away, he should stop drinking so much, he should stop doing crazy things.  When she says that everyone in the Colonists' Club had lost something/someone and thus Lucien had no right to have his meltdown, it really showed that she doesn't grasp the full extent of his trauma. Does she by the end of S5?  

But there has been progress for Lucien in five seasons. Initially, I found the resolution to Genevieve's death to be frustrating because it just opened up more questions to me than it answered.  But in showing Lucien finding peace in that, I have to interpret that as he's ready to move on, and accept there are no neat answers for anything.  He's never going to have a satisfactory answer as to why his own family had to suffer so much either.  And that's fine.  He chases the bus for a happy future, rather than staying behind at his mother's graveside.  That seems like such a no-brainer, but we can see that Lucien's been told time and time again in life, you don't deserve happiness.  Everyone goes away.  Look, there's Jean going away too. Chasing that bus is as difficult as opening the studio door.  It means leaving certainty behind to accept a new uncertainty. There’s so much certainty in unhappiness; it never lets you down. 

I was equally 'huh?' at his peacemaking with the spirit of Thomas in the telemovie at first.  But I remembered how I had to make peace with my own dead father, and a lot of that came from simply aging, reaching his age when this or that happened and realizing your parents were just people making mistakes, having no great knowledge and skills to cope and all you can do is try for a better outcome.  I find it as an example of Lucien's incredible capacity for grace, truly his most attractive feature.  

I cannot guess what the writers had planned for S6 which makes me want to see it so much. Love won't cure Lucien. Though we've seen improvement, a sense of comfort and security for him, his PTSD won't go away.  Having Jean beside him in bed shouldn't make the nightmares cease.  But you know what?  If the writers were to decide to make it all just go away with a POOF, I won't have a problem with that at all.  Lucien and Jean deserve that happiness my family never had.   

So to start off I Love Lucien Week, this is why I love Lucien, and have so much respect for George Adams, the writers and Craig Mclachlan for creating this character and honoring his difficult journey.  

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Not sure if ya’ll have noticed but talks about representation in superhero comics has been ever so slightly popular these days.

 Sarcasm deactivated.

 In all seriousness, yes there should be more though I have problems with certain approaches adopted by Marvel and to a lesser extent DC in recent years and the way a lot of fans have handled the situation on both sides.

 Like saying Miles Morales shouldn’t exist is not okay but nor is saying Peter Parker should be shelved for his sake. Writing Titania in Jane Foster’s book as having solidarity with Jane because she’s a woman stepping into the role of a male hero is not okay (because seriously, Titania’s main enemy is goddam She Hulk and she despises her) but nor is saying sexist shit about Jane (who lest we forget was awesome long before she became Thor, arguably moreso).

 But most of the time I personally feel disabled and mentally ill characters don’t get talked about as much whenever discussions like this pop up. Representing women, black people, gay people, etc, etc happens all the time but not so much with disabled and mentally ill characters.

 What’s even stranger though is that on the occasions where those types of characters are discussed people seem to not recognize a lot of the ones among the classic established heroes. 

 Oracle, Daredevil and Xavier get brought up a fair amount but Tony Stark had a heart condition that early in his series required him to hide a great big metal chest plate under his clothes which then compromized his former playboy lifestyle. Among the truly mainstream and major Marvel/DC heroes Tony Stark genuinely was the first physically handicapped hero (unless I’m getting my dates mixed up and X-Men preceded him, even then though Xaiver was a mentor more than the lead). 

 As for mentally ill characters, whilst people will cite Deadpool and Harley Quinn as mentally ill protagonists within the Big Two (and you could arguably put Wolverine in there too due to his legitimate anger issues, though they are contextualized as part of his bad ass appeal so...maybe not) both those characters are fun, wacky, violent former villains who even when they aren’t on the side of evil still do amoral things. They’re mental illnesses are rarely treated with too much gravitas. In fairness their core concepts is for them to be wacky and fun (at least nowdays) so it would be possible in a debate to argue there is a certain amount of justification for not going too deep with their problems and touching them lightly.

 Meanwhile you have Tony Stark and Carol Danvers who are both alcoholics. And if you know anything about that illness (and it IS an illness) you know it’s not one you really cure so much as manage. 

However multiple runs of Iron Man since the iconic Demon in a Bottle storyline have at best touched upon it rather or else avoided it altogether. From what I’ve seen of Bendis’ run it’s mentioned but off handily and wasn’t a focus before Tony died. Maybe creatively you could justify that too but technically speaking Tony is a mentally illl hero due to that illness so if you want representation viola it’s right there if writers bothered to make use of it outside of showing him relapse or something. 

 The same is true of Carol Danvers except in her case it’s worse because you could be forgiven for simply being wholesale unaware Carol was ever an alcoholic since multiple runs don’t even bring it up (I suspect because people legitimately forgot). Nevertheless the female hero Marvel is most keen to promote and who will be getting her own movie soon enough is canonically mentally ill. That should be brought up more but I can see why people who ARE aware of it might not want to count her because like I said it’s hardly touched upon.

 Which is why the next character I’m going to talk about is so important.

 He’s never been a legitimate villain.

 His mental illness(es) are integral to his character and impossible to ignore because of that fact.

 He’s got a history of physical and emotional abuse which led to his illnesses and isn’t thrown out as cheap backstory or motivations for his character.

 His illnesses have been showcased to ostracize him from wider society who often fear, hate and hound him either out of a desire to exploit him or else because they simply do not understand him. Which sadely echoes the experiences of a lot of mentally ill people.

 He’s portrayed sympathetically with the hardships and tragedy of coping with mental illnesses showcased routinely (albeit often on a metaphorical and not strictly accurate level).

 And most importantly he’s been repeatedly showcased as a truely heroic and caring figure in spite of his illnesses, even using them for the benefit of society as a whole when given the opportunity and right help.

 I am in fact referring to...the Hulk.

 Bruce Banner canonically was physically and emotionally abused by his father and developed serious anger issues and issues of self-worth because of that treatment. All of which led to him eventually developing Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder or more commonly referred to as having a ‘split personality’; and INCORRECTLY referred to as schizophrenia.

  That’s not me interpreting anything or extrapolating either. That is an objective in-universe canonical FACT about the character. In fact he first ‘hulked out’ when he got mad and attacked his father...BEFORE he encountered any gamma bombs. In one iconic issue he even tried to resolve his problems via therapy where the different sides to his personality were integrated together.

 Whilst it involved superheroics and super powers and happened after ONE session that is the real life goal when it comes to helping most people who have DID/MPD.

 Whilst there is so much to talk about with canon Hulk let’s just use the MCU as a microcosm of the Hulk’s character.

 Bruce Banner in the MCU is so depressed over his condition (which involved being incapable of physical intimacy and constantly monitoring his stress levels) that he tried to commit suicide...only to discover he was physically incapable of doing so due to the Hulk’s healing factor.

 As Banner he wants to find a cure for himself and as Hulk he wants nothing but peace and solitude. But he gets neither because representatives of the government seek to exploit him and neutralize him as a threat as opposed to trying to HELP him. And the guy spearheading things is straight up an old guy who doesn’t want Banner ‘consorting with his daughter’.

 At any given time for reasons beyond his control Banner can become dangerous to those around him despite not wanting to truly hurt anybody, and yet he has been shown to be capable of managing his illness for altruistic ends, such as defeating the Abomination.

 When given help and support from the Avengers (who with his CONSENT employ mental exercises and when NECESARRY use non-lethal equipment to keep him under control) he’s been shown to be an invaluable force for good. His brains help resolve dilemmas and provide vital intelligence and as Hulk he is the Avengers’ biggest gun against physical threats.

 Which is why Age of Ultron was so heartbreaking. Once more he got exploited and hurt people without meaning to, looked upon in fear and scorn as a monster by those who just don’t understand him. So distraught was he that he opted to just go back into isolation.

 Of course Banner’s condition doesn’t realistically line up with real people who have MPD but when understood the character exists for drama and also deals with anger issues the character is actually an incredibly (heh) well constructed character and the legitimate (though relative) representation he provides should be celebrated.

 In fact I would argue it’s actually MORE important than the Asian representation Amadeus Cho provides because there are definitely more Asian protagonist characters than mentally ill ones. And also, though this sounds harsh...being Asian isn’t as compromising to your day-to-day quality of life as the kinds of illnesses that Banner/Hulk are analogous too.

 Of course that isn’t saying we shouldn’t have more of both but...taking away one character who represents an even more marginalized group who frankly suffers in worse ways (even if wider pop culture fails to appropriately recognize him as representing those people) for the sake of a group that comparatively speaking has it better is not a good thing. It’s made worse when you consider the shitty way Hulk was treated just before and during Civil War II.

 Bottom line: Let’s celebrate the old characters who represent mentally ill and disabled people more than we do and not throw them under the bus for other characters...especially the Hulk.

[tinkdw]

My sisters been sending your (amazingly) written metas, but I'm still confused as to what "Performance!Dean" is. Could you explain? ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Hi! Thank you!

Performing!Dean is a tag that many of us use to explain the way that Dean portrays himself to the outside world, suppressing parts of himself that he doesn’t think should be outwardly shown.

It’s a form of SUBLIMATION (a psychological term meaning to repress emotions / a part of oneself), a term which he actually uses in 12x05.

It’s a great example. The writers KNOW that we associate Dean’s love of pie with women / being comfortable / the home and family feeling, and cake with the repressed side of him (it is repeatedly used in this context, Dean really wanting it but never allowing himself to have it or just nibbling at the edges). It’s quite a famously known concept.

So… when Sam asks Dean if he wants pie and Dean says no, which basically never happens, when Sam then looks so DONE and starts talking about how Mary is gone and… (the implication being he is about to mention Cas being gone too)… then Dean says nope nope I am FINE and Sam FINALLY calls Dean out on it, saying “Dean, it’s called SUBLIMATION”.

And Dean finally relents and says “Yeah, its kinda my thing”. (And then later in the diner he is seen to have eaten a whole slice of cake in front of Sam and no-one makes a big deal out of it….)

WE ALL SCREAMED. DEAN ACTUALLY IN THE SCRIPT, OUT LOUD, HAS SAID THAT HE SUBLIMATES.

Because THIS is Dabb again taking what has been IN THE SCRIPT and in the show for 12 years and building on it, making it BLATANT. Because we are building to endgame now, SPN isn’t likely to last past season 13-14, so the character arcs that were set up in season 1 (and 4 for Cas) need to be tied up, so we, the audience NEED it to be made obvious when it has just been in the subtext. THAT IS WHY SO MUCH IS SO BLATANT THIS SEASON. Ie Performing!Dean, Destiel, Sam and the MoL story, Mary being the catalyst for Dean’s self acceptance arc and Sam’s self forgiveness arc around Lucifer (which I think will be much more blatant next season re: Jack as his mirror).

With Performing!Dean it started to be made a bit more obvious since Sam told Dean that he was ‘kind of butch’ and people probably thought he was ‘overcompensating’ in season 2 but it still stayed subtext, Dean checking out a few guys here and there, only really getting with women when he was having his ‘I’m going to go to Hell and need comfort’ or ‘Sam is dead, Cas left’ moments or since he met Cas, whenever Cas had left, making Dean feel crappy and rejected or had just DIED, using it as a coping mechanism, even blatantly role playing in season 9 after he feels so bad about kicking Cas out of the bunker etc to the point that in 12x18 it is so blatant that this is what it is about, they even have Dean saying outloud that he is settling for Sam’s omelette mere seconds after clearly having settled for the waitress because she wasn’t what he really wanted on top of all the other give aways…

Anyway, it’s not just about his sexuality or feelings for Cas, there are many other aspects too, and those are the ones that are cemented in seasons 1-3. Most of these seem all to stem from John and if you see snippets from John’s journal it makes sense.

John says he is proud of Dean when he kills monsters, womanises, drinks etc etc. So guess what a young impressionable Dean learned was the best way to act in life?

Now, over the years bits have come out here and there. Every time we see Dean with a sexual partner he has been the submissive one, he is clearly an extremely giving lover and very caring. He is not a dude bro womaniser at heart, he cares for all the women he sleeps with enough to be kind and gentle with them, even the waitress in 12x18 who really he doesn’t REALLY CARE about, she’s just a coping mechanism, but he is still extremely sweet with her.

He drinks for years of course, he is a functioning alcoholic for most of the show, but lately he has switched to coffee… unless something really bad is going down. Like when we saw the empty bottle in his room in 12x19…

He listens to old rock music because it reminds him of his mom and dad, not because he is a real metal head. Yeah absolutely he loves it too I’m sure, but really it’s the emotional pull. And we haven’t heard him do so since 12x07. Just saying. He also admits to liking Taylor Swift in season 10, after firstly saying HELL NO, same with the cucumber water in 12x07. It’s not the music or the water or whatever as such, that is absolutely NOT what we are saying is making us feel Dean is bisexual or has a hidden side to himself, its the fact that he HIDES it first then admits to it afterwards, that is the essence of Performing!Dean.

When Sam drinks the cucumber water, no-one batted an eyelid, that means nothing to us, because Sam is super comfortable with who he is in THIS respect, even though he carries guilt etc, but that is another subject. But because Dean made a huge deal about how uncool and basically unmanly it was, after all we know of him over the years, THEN went and drank it anyway, saying “shut up” when Sam is like “seriously?!” THAT is where the Performing!Dean meta comes from. And Sam is the same as us, he doesn’t care if Dean is bi, or if he likes Taylor Swift or cucumber water or WHATEVER, what he DOES care about is the fact that Dean feels the need to hide it from him.

There are so many small points along the series that point to a lot of Dean’s persona being fake or exaggerated and how sometimes Sam knows and sometimes he doesn’t, it would be funny if it wasn’t tragic.

Deep down Dean Winchester is a soft, kind and generous soul who just wants to be loved and to help people.

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT WE SAW IN 12x11. THIS IS THE EXPOSITION EPISODE FOR PERFORMING!DEAN AND THE CORE OF THIS WHOLE SEASON BECAUSE THE WHOLE SEASON HAS BEEN ABOUT THIS, WHICH IS WHY 12x22 IS THE CHARACTER LED FINALE, BECAUSE IT IS WHERE THIS FINALLY COMES DOWN.

So yeah, the fact of the matter is that Performing!Dean has been there all along, since the PILOT, over the years it has been showed to us that it exists then some of the walls have started coming down. If anyone dares to tell me that Performing!Dean isn’t a thing (which I was told earlier this season, lmao) then I will kindly point them towards 12x11 and 12x22.

Also, let us not forget that even though 12x11 was mostly an exposition for Performing!Dean when he lost his memories, again harking back to the HEART is the person, NOT their memories theme of the season, we also were given the golden snippet that DEAN RODE LARRY BEFORE HE GOT WACKED WITH MAGIC. This is to show us that Dean’s walls are coming down this season. When Sam called him up on it in a way that seemed to be taking the piss, Dean, rather than attempt to deny or tell him to shut up actually embraced it and gloated about how GOOD he was at it. ATTA BOY DEAN!

With the resurrection of Mary and Dean’s near - complete death experience it seems that Dean got to the point in season 12 where he just didn’t want to hide from himself anymore and so let these walls down further, there were small snippets of this in nearly EVERY episode. 

12x11 was the exposition for casual viewers to see this side of him more clearly (in the same way that 12x19 was for Dean and Cas’s clearly more than platonic relationship, which will not be built on with HUGE LEGO BRICKS since Cas died), and now with the grenade launcher as a metaphor, Dean literally blew down his walls in 12x22. The culmination of this story was his confrontation with Mary where he explains WHY he always had this facade, because he had a shitty childhood, had to be a parent to Sam and that it wasn’t FAIR and he didn’t cope with it well at all.

So. There we have it. Performing!Dean is REAL, it was there ALL ALONG, we were RIGHT in seeing it because it is confirmed in 12x11 and then addressed and to some extent dismantled in 12x22, and the meta idea that the grenade launcher is associated with Performing!Dean was ALSO used.

Just… wowzers.

I don’t expect Dean to suddenly act completely differently now, he won’t, there are just some aspects of him that will be slightly more obvious or he won’t hide certain parts of himself. He still isn’t completely done with this, as Jensen himself said that there will be more of this to come in season 13…

I expect him to perhaps once or twice order a slice of cake or an ice cream sundae, to listen to the radio and not turn it over if a pop song comes on, to be more open with his feelings towards his family (and yeah, Destiel is a part of this for sure), a nice turn around but also not jarring, because it’s just a PART of Dean, not his whole self, a lot of what we see is really fully him, so it’s not that he is going to completely radically change!

Anyway, its all very exciting as the metaphorical death of Performing!Dean is just a part of what most of us see as a positive endgame for TFW and it is all looking pretty good so far :D

[thefreelanceangel]

“Broken” -Defined & Clarified for RP Purposes

bro·kenˈbrōkən/

verb

1.past participle of break.

adjective

1.having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order. "A broken arm." -synonyms: smashed, shattered, fragmented, splintered, crushed, snapped

2.(of a person) having given up all hope; despairing. "He went to his grave a broken man." -synonyms: defeated, beaten, subdued

Let’s talk about what it means to say a character is “broken.”

It’s a common term I see tossed around quite often. “Oh, she’s so broken now.” “No, I’m going to break him with this.” “OMG you broke her again?!”

And, looking at the scenarios and characters thusly referred to, I think a little clarification is needed about what the term “broken” means when talking about psychologically damaging a character. 

I’ve talked about trauma before and I’ve also discussed recovering from trauma. But for the sake of argument in this instance, we’ll assume that the character in question has gone through something so life-changing that they are considered “broken.”

But what does that even mean?

What is a “Broken” Character?

People change. This is a given. But we change only to a certain extent, given a normal life with no traumatic incidents and world-shaking events. Many aspects of personality tend to be ingrained--you rarely find someone who was cruel in childhood and, without dramatic intervention, became a kind, gentle individual. 

To create drastic change--and this is not necessarily negative, but the connotations often are--a character has to undergo something profoundly disruptive. 

This can be severe head trauma--Phineas Gage is a good example--or horribly upsetting circumstances that force a character to endure things that they’ve never experienced. Or it can be a continuation of a traumatic situation without supportive care from friends or family. 

As we all know, I love examples. So let’s look at a few.

Character A started out life as a cheerful, relatively calm person who enjoyed spending time with others. They weren’t argumentative or violent and had a knack for understanding how things worked. 

After a traumatic brain injury, caused by a fall from a high ledge, they became hostile and easily angered. While they could still take things apart and put them back together, they could no longer explain easily what they were doing and why. They started having confrontations with family members and turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism. 

Character B was also a cheerful, relatively calm person who enjoyed spending time with others. Although they would get into an argument now and then, it was usually over a deeply-held value and they were outspoken and outgoing. 

An incident involving a very high ladder and a hard impact on the ground caused Character B to avoid high places as a rule. Although they were still outspoken and outgoing, still enjoyed discussing things at length, Character B was phobic of heights and avoided some outings to keep from facing their fear.

Now these are both pretty obvious examples, but it’s easier to start there and work towards subtler instances. Clearly, Character A is “broken” by the head trauma they experienced. Not only has it caused a profound personality change, but the fallout of that head trauma has led to a breakdown of interpersonal relationships and developing unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Character B, on the other hand, is acrophobic, but it doesn’t cause them excessive distress when they can avoid heights. Their personality remained largely the same, and they haven’t lost the quality of life they previously enjoyed. 

A “broken” character has undergone a change in personality that leads to maladaptive behaviors and a noticeable decrease in their quality of life. 

So what’s a less obvious example? How do characters become “broken” and are they playable afterwards? Let’s see.

How To “Break” Characters

When I talked about trauma, I mentioned customizing it to each character. A warrior, after all, isn’t going to be permanently damaged from enduring physical pain or seeing someone murdered. However, take away his control, his ability to do anything and make him watch a beloved pet die of old age and it could be extremely traumatizing. 

So with that in mind, do not make rape your “go-to” for breaking a character. Just don’t. It’s overdone, it’s trite and it’s usually handled so poorly that it’s downright insulting. There is more out there to use for traumatizing and breaking a character than sexual assault. 

That said, “breaking” a character requires knowing the character. To change a personality and create those maladaptive behaviors, that decrease in quality of life, you have to know the character’s personality, their fears, hopes, dreams and their limits. 

We love examples, don’t we? Yes, we do.

Eric has a history of losing people he loves. When his mother died, his father became distant and no longer gave him the attention that he’d enjoyed before. Despite having a younger brother to look after, Eric grew up feeling very much alone. 

When his younger brother fell in love with a girl that Eric thought was just after him for his money, they had an argument. The brother chose romantic over fraternal love and left the family, refusing to even see his dying father. 

Now Eric is alone with his father, left to handle the deathbed watch himself. He’s tried making a few friends, but lacks the ability to create lasting connections with others. When his father dies, he reaches out to his brother again, hoping that perhaps the younger man will be willing to reconcile. His brother sends the letter back, unopened.

Now this is not overtly traumatic. An ailing father is expected to pass away. Part of the natural order is children burying their parents. However, Eric has already lost a parent and suffered a lack of connection due to his father’s grieving process. When his brother chose a woman over him, it was additional reinforcement that no one truly cared for him. 

This can break a character. A private fear that seems to find reflection in particular events in a character’s life can push them into developing maladaptive coping mechanisms and destroy their quality of life. How? Let’s keep going with Eric for a bit. 

When his letter was returned unopened, Eric became convinced that there was no point in trying to maintain the family home. Dismissing the staff, he retreated to a single wing.

A few months of silent moping left Eric weak from lack of exercise and nervous in company. He made a concentrated effort to reach out, contacting childhood acquaintances, but took every refused invitation very poorly. When he spoke to one former servant, the man told him that no one could blame his brother for choosing the love of his life. 

Despite the reassurance that was given that Eric’s brother would eventually want to reconcile, Eric was convinced that he was going to be alone forever. Rather than push further, he retreated, turning the family home into a hermitage. 

“But wait,” you say. “Why didn’t Eric just keep trying? What would’ve happened if he’d met the love of his life?”

Look at his patterns of behavior. Eric’s belief that he will always be abandoned causes him to either cling too hard and demand too much or push people away, thinking it best to simply avoid the hurt rather than try and fail to bring someone close to him. 

The loss of his brother did, in fact, “break” Eric. Had it been a different character, the argument could’ve resulted in something else entirely. Perhaps another man would have tried to show his brother what a gold digger he was in love with, or taken the fight into the physical realm and hurt or even killed his brother. 

But this is why you have to tailor “breaking” a character to that character. What works for one will not necessarily work for another. 

Are They Playable Afterwards?

So, you’ve successfully “broken” a character. And I mean actually broken them, not caused them momentarily discomfort or put them “through the wringer.” Characters that undergo continual “trauma” (and I use the word loosely) but do little more than sob on someone’s shoulder before going right back to their usual routines are not “broken.”

Let’s look at Eric. We’ve broken him successfully, so let’s see if he’s playable. 

Ask yourself a few basic questions:

Is this character approachable in any way?

Will this character respond to overtures that lead to conversation?

Are there plot hooks that would get this character involved?

What sort of RP am I hoping to get with this character?

Eric is approachable. He does still deeply wish to have people in his life, even if his fear has him acting in ways that make it highly unlikely. He may not often be out of the house, and is therefore difficult to approach for conversation, but he would speak to someone who made an effort. 

There are plot hooks that would get him involved. If his brother went missing, if he lost the woman he loved, if there was an issue regarding the family property (which he hopes will pass to his younger brother) or if the young woman’s family came to him, Eric would get involved. 

I would not hope to get any sort of casual, chit-chat RP with Eric, nor would I expect romantic RP to end well. At all. However, Eric is still playable, provided I’m not going for heavy combat, tavern RP or other types. 

What about an unplayable character?

Sasha was young, idealistic and thought she could be anything. When she failed at her first attempts to be a seamstress, she didn’t take it well. Blaming everyone around her for the failure, Sasha attempted her next dream job. Painting is something that requires talent, and it was something she clearly didn’t have. 

Despite the setbacks, Sasha managed to find a position as a salesgirl for a pottery shop. With dreams of owning her own home, she ignored her parents’ warnings and invested what money she’d saved in what a lovely, charismatic woman told her was the deal of a lifetime.

The woman absconded with everything she had, and Sasha blamed her parents for letting her do such a foolish thing. Her attitude carried over into her work and she was summarily dismissed from her position. Not only did she become increasingly hostile towards everyone she met but she refused to face the fact that she didn’t have the grit necessary to work hard in order to succeed. 

Alcohol was an easy out, as were the substances that she bought with the allowance her parents gave her. Deciding that people were worthless, dreams were a lie and effort gave no reward for the investment, Sasha lost her idealism and her belief in herself.

Again, there’s nothing here that is particularly traumatic, nothing that people don’t face every day. However, Sasha is the type of character who doesn’t accept responsibility for her actions or learn constructively from her mistakes. Her maladaptive behaviors have made her largely antisocial and hostile to others. 

Even attempts to force Sasha into change are highly unlikely to succeed. Characters like this are useful as background NPCs, perhaps adversely affecting someone else’s life, but engaging in RP with them is not only difficult but frustrating on the part of other players. 

No, I Totally Broke My Character.

Every time I see this, I just shake my head because the definition of “broken” is being entirely misunderstood. 

Let’s reiterate.

A “broken” character has undergone a change in personality that leads to maladaptive behaviors and a noticeable decrease in their quality of life.

This doesn’t mean that they’re shy about romantic situations or hesitate to trust other people. Unless it’s taken to an extreme degree, this does not qualify a character as “broken.”

Do they act in destructive ways, dooming a relationship, simply because subconsciously they believe all of their relationships will fail? Then yes, they’re “broken.”

Do they take months of intense effort to get close to, giving a little at a time and eventually coming around to a romantic fulfillment? Then no, they’re not “broken.”

A “broken” character has gone to the edge. They’ve reached the limits of what they can endure and have been pushed beyond it. Many “broken” characters are unsympathetic because they often display it in a way that makes others go “oh but come on, you could just do this or see this and then you’d be fine!” It’s difficult to dig beneath the surface of a “broken” character because they tend to be extremely off-putting to many people. Or they’re so maladaptive that they can’t engage in social activity long enough for someone to see below that surface. 

“Breaking” a character is not something to aspire to if you want to keep writing that character. It should be done only selectively and when story requires. Playing up emotional damage for the sake of dramatics does not equal “broken.” That character you see who’s flirting and laughing while the player’s insisting they’re broken-hearted and just oh so damaged? Nine times out of ten, they end up chasing romance RP because they want someone to “fix” their character.

“Broken” characters cannot be fixed. They can adjust their maladaptive behaviors in order to survive, their quality of life can improve. But they’re always at risk of that changing for the worse because it’s very hard to come back from that level of emotional and mental damage. The more often you refer to a character as “broken” when they’re simply undergoing a temporary rough patch, the more you lessen the story impact if you ever manage to actually “break” a character.

TL;DR-

“Broken” is a very specific term with a heavy cost to both player and writer. Don’t use it lightly. 

A broken character has undergone a change in personality that leads to maladaptive behaviors and a noticeable decrease in quality of life.

Not every broken character is playable. They’re very, very rarely redeemable.

Don’t try to “break” a character on a whim; it’s only effective in certain instances.

[therightprometheanfire]

I got tagged twice! Here’s @ravingliberal‘s first, because I got hers first.

RULES: tell your followers 11 random facts about yourself and tag 11 people. tag backs are allowed but if you do get tagged again you must not repeat any of the facts you mentioned in the previous round. the facts can be absolutely anything, whatever comes to mind first. 

#1: I just got a banana Starburst that was clearly labeled as a Lemon Starburst, and feel vaguely cheated.

#2: The day Terry Pratchett died, my dad was out on a run. I’d managed to stop crying by the time he came back, but only just. I told him what had happened and felt my face get a little shaky again. He looked at me for a minute, then said “you wanna watch a movie or something after I shower?”. I nodded and before he went to shower, he disappeared for a second, and returned with an oatmeal cookie. “Sadness cookie,” he said sagely, and gave it to me. I don’t remember what we watched, but that’s the most unimportant part of the story.

#3: I can sing all of “Bruce’s Philosopher Song” by the Monty Python guys and when I was fourteen, I sang it during a Shakespeare production, I believe The Merchant of Venice, while playing a drunk, because it was the only drinking song I knew and I knew it by heart. I told only my brother I was going to do it, and he was excited to be let in on the secret. I couldn’t hear her because I was doing my best to project my singing because it was an outdoor production, but my mother evidently laughed so hard and so loud that people turned around to stare at her. I was also still full time homeschooled at that point (for another couple of weeks, anyway, before I went to high school), and my mother jokingly said that the song was our philosophy education for the year.

#4: I have absolutely abysmal eating habits, which is mostly due to the fact that I eat a lot of food as kind of a coping mechanism. I’m trying to get the upper hand here, but it’s really fucking hard.

#5: These days I refer to all male authority figures as “sir” and all female authority figures “ma’am”, which is less me being obsessively polite and more a side effect of going to a military college, even as a civilian.

#6: I love weird socks. Which I always have, to a certain extent. But @i-am-the-knight-who-says-ni got me ones that say “I gave a fuck, once” and that kicked off my real delight in them. Now I have a wide array, including a LOT from Blue Q like “I have mood swings” and “It’s okay, I hate everyone too”, some that look like famous paintings, and a personal favorite that my mom brought me back from Austin, which are American flag socks with Bill Murray’s face all over them.

#7: I am probably the only person on Earth who has a really hard time bingewatching. I’ll marathon half-hour shows, for sure, but those are usually either in the background while I do something else, or episodes I’ve seen before. Bingewatching new, hour+ content is near impossible for me, mostly happening in spurts. The closest I think I’ve come most recently was when I started Hannibal, and watched six episodes in one day. Before that, I watched the second half of the first season of The X-Files and the first couple episodes of the second season in a day. I burnt myself out on both those shows just from those viewings and it took forever to take them up again. Bingewatching, man. An unattainable constant. 

#8: I am a really fast and capable reader, and I started reading Shakespeare when I was nine or ten, starting with abridged children’s versions and moving quickly to the plays themselves. I used to take out books in the tens from the library, read them all, and return them the next week. When I was reading the American Girl books around seven, we had an AG board game that I played with my mother. It had a trivia section and I went for those cards every time, and Mom, who’d been under the impression that I wasn’t really reading the books, just sort of flipping the pages like little kids do sometimes, proceeded to be really freaked out when I nailed almost every single question. I’m not trying to brag or boast here. I’m trying to set up some backstory for you so you understand what I’m telling you that, when none of these things tripped me up, when I was a quite confident and competent reader, I was ground to a halt by The Fellowship of the Ring. I tried reading it when I was ten or eleven, and it took me three years. Now that’ll knock you down a peg.

#9: Orson Welles in his prime, Citizen Kane days could get it. Seriously, all he would have to have done was ask me and I would be like “yup, you bet”.

#10: In relation to the LOTR thing, when I was a kid I had a book called The Languages of Middle-Earth (I had seen the movies at this point even though I hadn’t read the books), which had an Elvish-English dictionary. I decided to write poetry in Elvish. Not only was it abysmal poetry, I mixed the shit out of Sindarin and Quenya, so it just read like a fucking mess.

#11: I refuse to wear any shirt that has curse words on it in public, because in public there are sometimes children and I’m not gonna have curse words around children, come the fuck on now.

I tag @singlemaltantiseptics, @flapperwitch, @irlkatebishop, @princessparadoxical, @ellicelluella, @jennysparkling, @valkyriesuits, @infinitegem, @0nlywishfulthinking, @katymacky, and @padbaeamidla!

Now for the next one! Please assume that everyone tagged in the above is also tagged in this, minus of course @princessparadoxical, on the grounds that she is the one who tagged me in this one :D

Bold the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE: I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY: My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin I am an introvert I like love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges (depends) I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP: I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school (25 min. away, depends on definition of close) My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair (tried) I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year

Thanks for the tags, y’all!