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prael · 5 months ago

Text

Conciliation

ILLIT Moka x Yunah // part 2 to Punishment

words: 6,035 Masterlist

Two weeks have gone by. Two weeks since the incident in their dorm room. For Yunah, it's as though that night never happened. It was just some afterthought that had been shoved down in the deep corners of her memory, as though she would sooner forget and have Moka pretend it was nothing at all.

Moka thinks of nothing else.

She thinks about it in her classes, daydreaming when she should be practising. Rehearsals have become a stop-start procedure, with everyone turning to Moka with the same question: are you okay? She feels so pathetic. Embarrassed at herself, but still thinking, wondering, wishing, that maybe tonight might be that night; that Yunah might snap at some point and give her just a single touch.

She's thought about doing it again, just the same way, touching herself while Yunah is around. Even the mere idea has Moka wet with shame. It would work, surely, it has to work. Then Moka talks herself out of it. Doing it again, trying to instigate a reaction, she may as well just confess, beg, and plead with Yunah. Admit that she likes her. Tell her just how crazy it makes Moka when she walks around the room in only a t-shirt and panties. When she shakes her hair loose out of a ponytail, her brunette hair cascades in the moonlight, looking so soft and thick, and Moka can't get over her.

They're on their way out of the country, for another big show. Another sleepless night spent travelling. Another opportunity for Yunah to glare at Moka when she's obviously not focused or too busy stumbling through her moves. Another opportunity for her to sit there, only her and her dirty, little thoughts.

There's a slight turbulence, enough to make the sleeping Yunah move in her seat, her head rolling to the side. She looks peaceful and beautiful. That same fringe she's so particular about always ends up in her eyes, so naturally, Moka wants to reach up and push it away, but she forces herself back, that's the last thing she wants; to wake her and look suspicious.

"Not sleeping?" A voice from the other side, makes Moka tear her eyes away from Yunah and find Minju. Minju gives a curious look at Yunah before returning her gaze to Moka.

"Can't sleep," Moka confesses with a sigh.

Minju doesn't reply at first, the look she is giving, makes Moka believe she is contemplating whether she should share or not. "Me neither. Keep thinking about tomorrow."

Moka hums a vague affirmative in response. She wants to appear agreeable and that she isn't preoccupied with the thoughts of someone else.

Minju gives her a wry smirk. "What about you? You keep spacing out."

Her question strikes a chord in Moka. For some reason, she can't deny it or lie about what's been going through her head, and even when she should probably deny it, Moka still finds herself talking about her. "Have you ever liked someone who hated your guts? Like so much it physically hurts," Moka can't help the questions slipping past her lips. It's pathetic really. She should know better, and she knows she's saying too much and too openly, but it's not her fault. She just can't handle it all, not for another minute.

"Are you saying there's a guy you like?" Minju asks, which at least offers Moka the reassurance that the others haven't realised what's going on; why else would she ask that? "You know we're not allowed to date anyone, Moka."

"I know, and I'm not going to date anyone, but I can still like someone, right?"

Minju laughs. "Yeah, you can do what you like," she replies while stealing another look at the older girl across from them, sleeping. "So why does he hate your guts then?"

"Well, I—"

Yunah sighs, breaking the conversation as the pair suddenly falls quiet. They freeze like deer caught in the headlights of a car as Yunah, shifts in her seat, adjusting her position before relaxing again. There is a relief between them, letting out a heavy breath at the realisation that their friend is still very much asleep.

"Lucky her," Minju finally says, shaking her head. "I can't wait for us all to be back in our hotel rooms and having some proper sleep." Minju sighs, turning back to Moka. "You were saying?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Don't worry about it, forget I said anything," Moka rambles. She finds herself silently cursing herself. If the truth of her desires slipped and spilt out, there's no telling what kind of trouble she would be in. But Minju looks at her in a strange sort of understanding, nodding and giving her a reassuring smile.

Moka returns the sentiment and lays her head on her friend's shoulder. Her heartbeat starts to slow down, and as time passes, sleep draws in, luring her into its clutches, and at last, her eyelids flutter shut.

It's 4 am and they're shambling into the hotel lobby, weary, eyes burning, muscles tired, with sore shoulders and legs.

"We've booked rooms for you all. We just went with the same arrangement as the dorm," the manager explains, sending Moka's heart crashing. She and Yunah. Of course. She nods weakly and trudges to the lift alongside her members.

Yunah opens the door, and Moka follows. They haven't spoken a word to each other. The moment the hotel door is closed, and Moka drops her bag on the floor, Yunah takes off her jacket, hanging it on a hook. Moka slips her shoes off, trying her hardest not to make eye contact.

"Moka?"

Fuck. Why couldn't she just walk past without saying anything? Moka's cheeks feel hot. Why now? She glances up, and the look she receives from Yunah doesn't give anything away.

"What's gotten into you? Are you sick?" She snaps, walking right up to her. A rough hand takes hold of her chin, forcing her face up and it shocks Moka so much that it knocks her off her axis for a moment.

There she is. Again. So close. It takes a moment, or three, to figure out what she even said. Moka goes to shake her head, but with her face being held so firmly in place, it's impossible. "No, I'm fine." She swallows. "Just a little nervous."

"Why are you lying to me?"

Her face is still gripped, she's forced to keep eye contact with her and she hates it. She hates that her skin prickles as Yunah's beautiful gaze pours down.

"Whatever," Yunah says incredulously, her hand holding Moka's jaw. Moka nods as best as she can and then she's released. She misses her touch the moment Yunah's hand is gone and she's left to drop her head. "We can't have you being distracted tomorrow. Just get it together."

The older girl retreats into the bathroom, closing the door and leaving a disgruntled Moka alone. She could scream, but instead, she swallows down her frustration.

Moka undresses and slips into her shorts and tank top. She flops onto the soft covers and waits. Curses and empty wishes run through her mind; her fist tightens into a frustrated ball and her eyebrows furrow. How is she supposed to do anything like this? How can she think about anything other than her?

Soon, Yunah returns, but all Moka gets from her is silence, nothing, absolutely nothing, and yet here she is, lying and waiting. Pathetic, it's downright fucking pathetic. She takes a deep breath and lets herself turn and stare at her back. "Yunah?"

"What?"

"Why did you make me feel good?"

"You talk about that like it meant something," Yunah responds, turning her attention away from her phone. Her beautiful hair fans out against the pillow.

"Did it?"

Yunah responds with her own question, "Did you want it to?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry." She turns her attention back to her phone, effectively dismissing her and the conversation altogether.

"Please—"

"Goodnight, Moka," Yunah bites. Her tone leaves no more room for discussion. No room for questioning.

Moka clamps her mouth shut, squeezing her eyes tightly closed. What more could she say? How many ways could she plead with her before it becomes demeaning? But the silence in her room makes the ache between her thighs feel unbearable and impossible to ignore.

It's nearly an hour later when Moka gives in, dipping her hands between her legs. She rubs against the front of her shorts and shudders as she teeters on the brink of losing her senses and giving in to her desires. But the bed shifts, the sheets move, and she stops.

Yunah rolls over and she looks at Moka, as though expecting her to do something, anything. The eye contact alone has Moka feeling so small and helpless.

"Do it," Yunah whispers.

"W-what?"

"I know you want to. These past weeks you've been so distracted. I know you're always thinking of it, of what happened, what I did. I see the way you look at me."

"I... I'm sorry."

Yunah rolls her eyes. "Just do it."

"But you hate it. It makes you uncomfortable, I can't—" Yunah cuts Moka off as she moves closer, she slips her fingers past the waistband of Moka's shorts, down to the wet warmth of her cunt. "Yunah," she whimpers. Moka bites her lip to hold in the noises, but it's impossible to stay silent as Yunah runs teasing touches over her lips, threatening to slip between them.

"You can't do it, can you? Not on your own, not since I've touched you." She says it so plainly that Moka can't help but agree. She knows the truth. "But you don't want to ask for my help because you know I'll just say no. So here I am, doing it for you." Yunah's finger slides between Moka's lips and runs up to her clit. It makes Moka gasp. "Think about why that is. Why would I want to help you?" she murmurs as her fingers circle the hard, little nub.

"I don't know." The words are barely audible.

"I think you do," Yunah says and then her fingers go away.

"No, don't stop."

"I know it's hard, Moka," Yunah whispers. Her fingers are back. They're running through the lips of Moka's cunt, sliding easily, making the skin slick and sensitive. Moka can hardly think as the fingers run up and down, stroking and teasing, edging closer to the opening. "But I need you to say it."

"Because," Moka chokes out. Her head is spinning, and she feels so dizzy. She can hardly form a single thought. All she knows is how good she feels, how desperate she is for those fingers. "You like making me feel good. Because you want it just as bad."

"Because I want it, Moka," Yunah whispers, pushing a single finger into Moka's tight entrance. It sinks in so deep and she moans. She's so fucking sensitive. The feeling of the finger as it enters and stretches her, the feeling as it curls inside, the way it moves slowly and deliberately, is enough to have her trembling. Yunah has to lean in and put her mouth by Moka's ear. "I can't get the fucking thought of you out of my head."

"Oh god."

The words have the desired effect and Yunah's hand moves faster, the thrusts come harder and Moka is completely helpless. Her body starts to arch, her back rises off the mattress and her chest is pulled upwards as if offering herself to the other girl. Her little chest rises, her nipples hardening under the material of her top. Yunah looks at her body and smiles. She pushes a second finger inside, her thumb begins to work her clit and Moka's hands are holding tight to the pillow behind her.

Moka doesn't care that she's moaning, or that she can't stop saying her roommate's name. All that she cares about is how her body is starting to clench, how her hips are bucking and how her legs have gone so rigid, and it's just the best feeling, the best thing that she's ever experienced in her life. Moka opens her eyes and finds Yunah staring. Her face is so close; Moka wants her closer.

She has the overwhelming desire to taste Yunah's lips, but not the strength to pull her down, so she settles for the fingers inside of her and the hand that keeps working her cunt until the orgasm comes.

Moka pulls the pillow tight around her head, muffling the sound that spills from her mouth. She feels her walls tightening around Yunah's digits, her entire body clenching and shaking, and her eyes rolling back. She's so close.

Yunah climbs over her, kneeling between her slender thighs and her fingers never leave. They're so deep. The pressure is too intense. She feels the walls inside of her start to tighten, the heat growing inside her. Moka's head turns and buries into the pillow she holds onto for dear life.

"Look at me, Moka," she coos, leaning into her. "I said look at me."

Yunah takes Moka's hand, prying it away from the pillow. Powerless to resist, Moka's arm is pushed above her head, and then the other. They're placed together, held under Yunah's grasp and Moka's head is free and forced to look at the beautiful woman on top of her, forced to see those deep brown eyes and that gorgeous hair, that pretty face with the full lips, the perfect lips, the ones Moka wishes were pressed against her. But that would be too much. Moka would never want anything more ever again. If she kisses her then it's game over, all she would ever need would be right here. Moka could never think about anyone or anything other than her, ever again.

Moka's stomach tightens, and her face contorts. She lies there helplessly as she is overcome, and the climax hits. She can't help it. She's moaning so loudly and she's clenching around Yunah's fingers. Her legs shake and her arms try to pull themselves away, to have something to cling to. But she can't move. All Moka can do is give into the pleasure. It washes over her, the sensation coursing through her body, making her toes curl.

She leaks messily onto Yunah's hand. The sounds of wetness fill her ears, the lewd, squelching noises as the fingers continue to work her pussy, fucking her through the high and prolonging the sensation until her mind blanks, her body convulses and her voice breaks into a pathetic whine. Moka's head thrashes back and forth, and she's crying, sobbing out loud.

She's left panting, chest heaving as she looks at Yunah who's smiling. That beautiful smile, the one she loves to see.

"You're so pretty when you cum, Moka." She says it most sweetly, and her eyes seem so sincere. Moka wants to kiss her more than ever, and she wants Yunah to feel good too, just like she did. But her body feels like jelly and she can barely move. So she can only lay there and try to catch her breath.

Yunah lowers, laying her head on Moka's chest, her ear pressing gently to her heart, as though listening to it. Her body still twitches and shakes and her legs remain spread with Yunah still nestled between them. Moka tries to calm herself, and she can feel Yunah's breathing slow and soften, her weight shifting on top of her.

"I'm sorry, Moka. For ignoring you, but I knew this would happen. I knew that once I gave in, I wouldn't be able to stop," she murmurs. Moka can only manage a hum in reply. She doesn't even understand what Yunah means, not really, she can barely understand her words. Yunah puts her hand on her waist and slips her own pyjama shorts over her hips and down her long legs. She kicks them off and they're left tangled up at the foot of the bed.

It's when Yunah raises her head from Moka's chest that Moka realises what's happening. Yunah slips her fingers into the waistband of her shorts, pulling them down and off of her legs and throwing them aside. Moka feels so exposed. She can't hide the fact she's blushing, that she's so nervous, that this is what she's been waiting for, what she's wanted.

Yunah pulls her own shirt over her head and throws that off the bed too, and now Moka's staring. Tight and toned. Perky. It's like she can't help but let her eyes roam. She's the most perfect girl in the world. Moka's hands reach up to her, running along the curves of Yunah's body, the smoothness of her skin. Her thumbs brush over her nipples, feeling them harden and rise.

Yunah sighs, and Moka wants to make her do that again. She wants to hear all her pretty noises, just like Yunah said she loved hearing hers. So, she sits up and her hands go around Yunah, holding onto her, bringing her closer. She's so tall. Moka's face presses into her chest and she breathes against her, feeling the heat and inhaling the sweet scent of her.

Moka is so nervous. So anxious that she will do something wrong. She has to force herself to lift her head and part her lips, to lean forward and place her mouth over the stiff, little peak on Yunah's breast. She sucks, pulling it in, feeling the way it moves, the way Yunah lets out a breath and the hand that comes up to her hair. Fingers run through her black locks, nails drag along her scalp, and Moka moves her head to the other, repeating the motion, sucking the skin, flicking her tongue over it and pulling it with her lips.

Yunah moans and the grip tightens, she holds her head, and the other arm wraps around Moka. Reassurance in the form of a touch. It tells her she's doing well, that Yunah's liking it. That's all that matters. Moka wants her to like it, she wants to please her, and she wants to know how to make her feel good. She smiles against her smooth skin, placing kisses, licks, and bites all over her. Appreciation for this girl and her beautiful, wonderful body.

Then Moka finds herself lying on her back. Yunah climbs on top of her and Moka's heart thuds hard against her chest. This is everything she's wanted.

"Don't freak out," she whispers, her breath against Moka's face.

"Never."

Yunah shifts her weight and then Moka feels it, the wet heat of Yunah's cunt against hers, and the sensation of her body on hers. Moka looks down at their bodies and can see the point of their connection, where their skin meets. The sight of it alone makes her mouth go dry, her stomach flips, and it takes all her strength to keep herself together. And then Yunah rocks her hips, grinding against Moka, her slick pussy rubbing against Moka's. The sensation of her skin moving, her wetness, it makes Moka's eyes roll back.

"Yunah..." Moka gasps, her body arching, and Yunah pushes her down.

She does it again, and again, sliding against her, pushing her hips hard. Her breathing is growing faster, and heavier, and her moans are so quiet. Sparks ignite in her lower body. The pressure, the heat. It feels so good to have Yunah against her like that.

Yunah leans down and buries her face in the crook of her neck and she kisses and nibbles at her skin there, whispering against the spot. "Why does this feel so good?"

"I don't know," Moka gasps. She's losing her breath already. She's panting and she feels so hot and dizzy, but in the best possible way.

Yunah can't hold back, she can't hide the fact that Moka makes her lose her control. This cute, petite little thing below her; with her innocent, big brown eyes, and her adorable smile, that makes Yunah want to melt, she's her weakness. Moka, who she heard so many times, night after night. Moka, who she's ignored and tried to put from her mind, but can't. And now she has her. She has her little Moka beneath her, squirming and panting and whining, and Yunah's hips can't help but rut down into her.

Yunah can't get enough of it. Moka's pussy feels so soft and warm against her own. The slick mess that grows between them, it's addicting. The sounds are even worse. She wants to make more. She wants Moka to scream.

All the confusion Yunah once felt has vanished, and in its place, a sense of belonging, a feeling that she has to do this. That she's supposed to be in this bed with Moka and no one else. She never understood it. She was scared to admit it. But now there is nothing else she could ever ask for.

Yunah takes Moka's hand, interlocking fingers and squeezing. It's reassuring, and Moka's grip on her hand is strong, it tells Yunah she's feeling the same way.

"Moka."

"Yes," Moka answers.

Yunah looks down at the younger girl. Moka's face is contorted with pleasure, her lips are parted, and she's breathing so hard. She's completely lost to her sensations, and the sight makes Yunah's heart flutter, her skin burns and her body feels weak. "Moka," she whispers again. This time Moka's eyes open, looking straight at her. Their gazes lock and their fingers squeeze. "I like you."

"I like you too." Moka's smile is the most beautiful thing Yunah has ever seen, it triggers an instinct to fuck her harder. Moka's hand snaps to Yunah's hip and holds her tightly. She's moaning louder now. She can't hide it.

The bed creaks, the headboard hitting the wall. The sheets become tangled. They're sweaty and panting, and Moka's moans grow more desperate by the second.

Yunah can't stop herself any longer. Her stomach tenses tight, her body is on the verge of breaking and she can't take much more. "Moka," she calls her name, she's saying it so desperately. "Fuck, I'm going to cum." She can't hold on. Moka feels too good. Everything about this moment is perfect. It feels so right. Yunah can feel her own pussy twitch, she's getting closer to that edge. She can hear Moka whine, she's almost there. She wants Moka to finish. She needs it. "Cum with me."

"I want it, please Yunah. Please make me cum."

Yunah grinds harder. Moka's moans are so pretty. They fill her ears and they're the only sound in the room. They're music, they're the most perfect thing she's ever heard and the best song Moka has ever sung.

Yunah feels Moka's fingers tighten on her hip as she bucks her own up to meet Yunah's thrusts, and the sensation overwhelms them both. They cling to each other, both bodies trembling as the climax washes over them. Moka cries out, and it's loud. She doesn't even try to muffle herself as she squeezes Yunah's hand, and her hips jolt against hers. Yunah's face buries itself in Moka's neck, groaning into the skin, kissing, biting and sucking as the heat consumes her and her mind blanks, the pleasure takes over.

They lay there for what feels like forever, panting, their hearts thumping in their chests, the sound filling their ears.

It's then that Yunah looks up, pulling her head away. She looks down at Moka. Moka, her Moka, staring back up at her with her big eyes. The most gorgeous girl she's ever met. Her skin is so smooth and flawless. Her little nose, her cute lips, and the black, messy hair splayed on the pillow behind her, framing her face like a painting.

"Moka."

"Yunah."

Yunah leans down, pressing their foreheads together and Moka smiles, she can feel it against her face. Their breaths mingle and their hearts are so close, and Moka is holding onto her.

"I shouldn't have," Yunah pants, "shouldn't have lied to myself. Shouldn't have tried to ignore this."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not okay." She can feel Moka's lips brushing against hers. They're so close. It's just a little movement to close the distance between them, but Moka does it. She pushes her head up, and then Yunah's lips part. She kisses her and Yunah can't help but kiss her back, her tongue slipping into her mouth. Their tongues swirl and slide. Moka moans against her lips. The sound sends shivers down her spine. And Yunah wants her. She wants her so bad.

Moka is panting when Yunah breaks the kiss.

"It's okay now," Moka whispers, her breath ghosting over her. Yunah feels so weak. She's completely helpless.

"I think we need to talk about some stuff. But not now, not right now."

"No, not now," Moka replies with a giggle, leaning up and stealing another kiss.

Yunah gives her a lazy smile, brushing a stray hair behind her ear. She rolls onto her back, lying next to Moka, their legs still half-tangled. They lie in a comfortable silence. It feels so natural and normal as if it were always supposed to happen, that they were always meant to end up here. Yunah turns and looks at her, watching Moka stare at the ceiling.

"Is it weird that I want to do it again?" Yunah asks.

"Probably," Moka answers. She looks at her, grinning, "But so do I."

Thirty minutes later and Yunah finds herself mounted over Moka's face.

She's on her knees, straddling the girl, and the tip of her tongue is tracing patterns against her cunt. She's writing out love letters with her tongue. Signs her name on her clit and makes her legs shake.

Yunah braces, flat-palmed against the wall and throws her head back as she cries out Moka's name, grinding her pussy against the tongue. Sensitive and overused, yet still she wants this. She has to. It's not an option at this point. She's going to ride her until she can't possibly take anymore.

There's no coming back from this. There is only this, them, this room. The whole world has fallen away. It doesn't matter.

Moka is all that matters.

The warm tongue pushes past her lips and sinks into the soft heat, tasting her from the inside. She's moaning into Yunah's cunt, sending the most beautiful vibrations against her and Yunah is so fucking sensitive. Her thighs are shaking and she feels weak, she's struggling to hold herself up, but she can't bring herself to get off her.

"Your tongue, fuck," Yunah moans. The wet tongue laps at the mess, licking up her slick. Yunah can feel Moka swallowing, gulping her down, her little noises growing louder as she feasts. She's going to cum all over that pretty face. She's going to ruin Moka's perfect features and make them shine. Yunah is so close. She can't stop herself from thrusting forward. Her pussy is aching for more, throbbing as Moka eats her. She needs this, wants this.

"Moka... I can't stop, please don't stop," Yunah pants, pushing herself back onto her. Moka grips Yunah's thighs and digs her nails into them. "Fuck!" Yunah squeals. Her hips jerk forward. It's happening. It's too much. Moka's tongue won't stop, it swirls inside of her, and Yunah's legs are trembling.

Her thighs close tight around Moka's face, trapping it between her legs and her back arches, her mouth open, her voice hoarse and broken as she cums, and the walls inside of her clench tight.

And Moka is still eating her out. Yunah can feel the hot mess dripping from her pussy. She feels so sensitive. She can barely stand it, and her body twitches and spasms, and her heart pounds so hard. Her mind blanks. She's so tired, her body aching and exhausted, but her pussy still wants more.

"Yunah," Moka calls to her, patting her thigh and bringing her back from the brink of collapse, "Yunah, I can't breathe." Her little, muffled pleas have her snapping back to reality, realising that Moka's face has gone bright red. Yunah shifts, and she watches the way the girl gasps for air.

"Fuck, Moka." Yunah climbs from her and collapses beside her, chest heaving, sweat coating her skin. "Are you alright?"

Moka doesn't respond at first. She lays there, taking a breath and then she's turning, moving and climbing onto Yunah. "More than alright."

Yunah smiles at her, a sleepy smile that makes Moka blush, and she reaches up to push her black hair from her eyes. Her pretty little eyes are half-lidded and glazed, and her cheeks are rosy and flushed. Lips wet, with Yunah's arousal, it might be the hottest thing she's ever seen. "You're so pretty."

Moka giggles, a bashful laugh as she looks away. "Stop it."

"No," Yunah whispers with a smirk that she knows Moka likes. "I won't."

She flips Moka over and the girl lands with a yelp, a surprised and adorable little sound. She takes her liberties, to kiss and to bite, to suck her skin. Yunah is marking her. Deep kisses on her neck, bites that make Moka's body flinch and writhe, and her little noises are like the prettiest melody in the world. "So pretty," she repeats. "All mine."

Yunah moves down her body, her kisses trailing and leaving little bruises. She sucks her nipples into her mouth, swirling her tongue, sucking and nibbling on the stiff peak and making Moka's body buck up. Her mouth goes to the underside of her breasts, to the flat expanse of her stomach. She sinks her teeth in and Moka is whining. Her back is arched, her head pushed back and she's gripping the sheets, and Yunah is getting closer and closer to her destination. "My pretty girl," she murmurs into the smooth skin.

"Yunah," Moka whines and Yunah looks up, finding her staring, biting her lip. Her eyes are wide and desperate, pleading.

She lifts Moka's leg and kisses the back of her thigh. The younger girl is so sensitive. Her skin shivers as Yunah's mouth moves closer to her core. "Once we're home, Moka, I want to fuck you. Like really fuck you, hard, fast. I've seen those videos. What you watch when you're on your own." Moka squeals and her face goes crimson. She covers her head with a pillow. Yunah can't help the smile as she continues, "I want to do those things with you. One of those strap-ons. You'll look so pretty taking it."

Yunah kisses the girl's clit and Moka's entire body flinches. A hand shoots to Yunah's hair and grabs tight, holding onto the locks. She smiles against her, teasing her pussy, her mouth kissing and sucking on the lips of her cunt. "You can do anything you want to me," Moka gasps. Yunah can't help the laugh that slips out, a laugh of amusement and happiness, and Moka is squirming.

"You're gonna have to be more specific than that." Yunah kisses the mess from her lips, and Moka lets out the cutest, most frustrated noise, her hips lifting and her back arching.

"You can use me."

Yunah stops for a second. She raises her head and finds Moka looking at her. There is a blush to her cheeks and she looks embarrassed, and maybe even a little shy, but that glint in her eye is undeniable.

Yunah lowers herself, pressing a soft kiss to Moka's inner thigh. She takes her time, making a show of it, and Moka's breathing is getting heavier, more impatient. "Yeah?" She kisses her again. "Let me bend you over?" Another kiss. "Hold your face down on the bed while I fuck you?"

"Please," Moka whines, "Yes, yes."

"What else?" Yunah's eyes flick up. Moka's chest is rising, falling, rising.

Moka whines again. She throws her head back. Her body trembles. Yunah kisses her cunt. It's a deep kiss. It has Moka's hips bucking against her lips. "You can be rough with me," she finally manages, her voice breathy.

"Rough?" Yunah's eyebrow arches. She dips her tongue past the wet entrance and laps at Moka's heat. The girl's body is writhing against her mouth and Yunah can't help the muffled giggle. She's so cute like this, so easy to tease. Moka is panting. Her face is contorted in a desperate need for more, for release.

"If you want to," she mumbles, and Yunah is so tempted to tease her further. But Yunah is just as eager. She is so desperate for more of her taste, her body, her scent.

"Maybe," she whispers against the wet lips, "maybe, I'd rather be soft with you." Yunah sinks two fingers into her tight, wet hole. Moka gasps, and then moans. Yunah's mouth latches to the little nub of her clit, sucking it and swirling her tongue. The fingers thrust into her and curl. The walls tighten and tremble. "Take my time, fuck you slowly."

Yunah starts a slow rhythm with her fingers. Moka is whimpering, moaning and trying to buck into the fingers. But Yunah is stronger. Her free hand grabs the younger girl's thigh and forces her down, keeping her still and making her accept the pace.

"Slowly," Yunah repeats, "So slow you'll think it's torture. And I won't let you cum, not for a long time, until you can't bear it anymore." She kisses the skin, kisses her pussy, and then looks at Moka who's staring. She's flushed, her eyes wide and needy, her lips parted, and her body is trembling. "Until your little body is begging for release." She pushes another finger into Moka. She can feel the tightness around her digits and the way she throbs.

"Oh fuck," Moka moans.

"Or maybe I'll fuck you hard and fast." Yunah pushes down hard on Moka's thigh, and the pace picks up, the fingers slamming in and out. The lewd, wet sounds that Moka makes are enough to drive her crazy, the sloppy, messy sounds that come with every thrust and the sight of Moka's pussy, spread wide, stretched and accepting everything she's given, it has Yunah's head spinning. She feels delirious, high off of the pleasure she can give this pretty girl. "Hard, fast. Pound your pussy and make your entire body ache. Make you scream, make you beg me to stop because you can't handle anymore."

Moka's throat strains, and her body tenses. "I can't," Moka moans and Yunah can feel her pussy twitching, clenching around the digits inside of her. So easily does she cum against Yunah's fingers, and she's crying out, loud, without restraint. She doesn't even try to hold it back, and she's so wet. Her cum is leaking out, soaking her fingers, and it's the hottest thing Yunah has ever seen. She can't take her eyes away. She can't look anywhere but the way that Moka is cumming against her fingers.

She curls her fingers a little more and moves a little faster. The flow of cum becomes stronger, and Yunah can't stop the groan that leaves her. "Fuck." Moka's body is thrashing, she's whining and whimpering, and then it sprays a little, her cum, squirting from her and soaking her hand, her arm, the sheets. It leaks and sprays, it's the hottest thing she's ever seen, and Moka's body is spasming. Her hips are bucking and the moans sound so pretty.

And then Moka goes limp, she collapses onto the mattress and pants. She's staring up at the ceiling and her body is still trembling and shaking. Cum still leaking out and staining the sheets. All she sees are stars; pretty, beautiful stars.

"I'll never get tired of seeing you do that," Yunah murmurs as she pulls her soaked hand away.

"Shut up." Moka giggles and pulls her hands to her face. She covers her blushing face. "It's so embarrassing," she mumbles into her palms.

Yunah laughs, climbing from between her legs and lying next to her. Moka turns, lying on her side. "It's not," she whispers, "it's hot." Yunah runs her hand up Moka's bare thigh. Her hand slides to her ass and gives it a gentle squeeze. "Really hot."

#illit smut #Moka smut #Yunah smut #male reader #female reader #smut #f reader #m reader #kpop fanfic #Yunah x Moka #Moka x Yunah

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pastafossa · 5 months ago

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DDBA THOUGHTS, FIRST TWO EPS.

It's been roughly 90 minutes and I am still processing, jesus fucking christ.

Set behind a cut due to spoilers but my thoughts are pretty positive, even if that shit ran my heart over like a dump truck. Below you will find:

My frantic reaction thoughts I wrote down during or immediately after (character dissections will be marked)

My overall thoughts on the first 2 eps as a whole

Dissection of Matt and where I think he's at currently in this headspace

Yes that's right, I'm using the sad gif. Spoilers ahead. Feel free to skip down to whichever part you like!

I will have more thoughts tomorrow but I am still feeling fucking weird because I'm trying to process both the new series events and the fact that Our Man is back after 6 years in show format and I feel like someone who's gone from starving to suddenly full of food and my body is CONFUSED

The mood whiplash in the first 15 mins going from, yup we're all happy, to absolute fucking building dread and then horrified agony was, I won't lie, well done. You made me want to vomit, thanks writers.

Spent the whole fight with Bullseye just sobbing and whispering, 'oh no, oh no, oh Foggy, baby, no, Matt, no-', pretty sure some part of me inside is stiiiiiiiiill sobbing, it will always be sobbing, gonna relive that for days 😭

Matt crying on the rooftop? Him being so fucking distraught that all he could do was lean on Dex even though Dex was the killer? Just fucking gut me. Worst we've ever seen him, bar none.

DISSECTION MOMENT: He pushes Dex over the edge. I'd wondered if he'd try to kill Dex, with that being his, 'A Line Was Crossed', and tbh I think if any canon death could make Matt kill, it would be Foggy's. And he certainly tried. Matt's always walked such a fine line when it comes to murder, and he's come VERY close before, usually only dodging it because the baddie gets lucky or we can squint and say they did it to themselves. Welp, here we are again, and this time I think the only reason Dex is alive is because of all that technology we saw them packing into Dex at the end of S3. To Matt? To Matt, he killed. That Dex technically lived is a coincidence. Matt tried to break his rule. He tried.

Yes I am still parked in Denial Hill wondering if Foggy will come around somehow, I need some time to organize my thoughts, but even if he's dead dead, I'm going to wait and see if they pull an Elektra and find some way to revive him.

DISSECTION MOMENT: Matt's new apartment (RIP our beloved old loft cause someone's living there now from what I understand) is nice but something I noticed is it's... a little colder. And I think that's intentional. Matt's old apartment was rougher around the edges, warmer, and I'd argue a little more symbolic both of the Kitchen and who he was each night on the streets. Half the reason he chose that old apartment was the roof access. This new apartment is for a Matt who's trying very hard to be done with Daredevil and live life only as Matt. He's locked away from the streets with no easy way to go running, he's situated high and cool and distant, with all those floors to slow him down if he gets impulsive.

Matt just disassociating his way through his breakfast and morning coffee, yup he's totally fine, definitely not trying to block out all those screams.

DISSECTION MOMENT: EXCUSE ME, CARRYING AROUND FOGGY'S MEMORIAL CARD. 😭 Personal theory is he's not just carrying it to have a little of Foggy with him, but because he's trying to remind himself why he's not being Daredevil anymore since he thinks that doing that got Foggy killed.

Queenpin, good for her.

Really liked the touch of Matt cooking in the dark because he doesn't need light. And I liked the addition of the neon lighting flashing in his windows, a good callout to his old apartment.

I'm also digging both Kirsten and Heather, esp Heather who we get more of. There's chemistry there, and she rolls with Matt pretty well. I'm very interested to see how she handles the Shenanigans TM that I'm sure he'll get up to later. I'd love if he could have a healthy canon relationship for once but this is also matt soooo. And that KISS, damn, when is it my turn

THE DINER SCENE WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED, THESE TWO ARE SO FUCKING PERFECT IN EVERY SCENE YOU HAVE THEM IN TOGETHER, GD

DISSECTION MOMENT: No but I really do think this is something that would keep Matt out of Hell's Kitchen for a bit as he struggles with his identity, his trauma, his fear, and with the 'costs' of what he does. All that work and he feels like he failed. He couldn't save the one person that mattered most to him. On top of that? He crossed his line. He tried to kill someone and would have succeeded if Dex hadn't been built different. All of that trauma around what happened... yeah I could see him trying to hang the cowl up and move to a new neighborhood in hopes that he'd be able to escape. And he is trying to escape. He's pushing all that down, pushing and pushing and I'm Fine-ing like he has with every previous death in his life, holding up like a good Catholic boy, but the cracks are showing. He's a powder keg.

YET MORE DISSECTION: And holy fucking shit when he blows up does he go. That fight at the end of the 2nd Episode had me feral. Definition of FAFO. I know I've seen some mixed opinions on the opening fight, but that fight at the end of ep 2 is exactly what I wanted, that was perfect. Him begging them to stop because he's trying not to do this, trying not to fight, he's afraid of what he'll do if it gets out, but the second that blood droplet hit the floor (LOVED that shot), you knew that was it, ding ding, Round One. I loved how vicious that fight was, I need to rewatch it 10 TIMES.

That final scream. What's that Matt? You're saying you're not fine? You're not handling this well? Whoever could have predicted that you mashing all that grief and rage down would come out like that, not me it was me though i predicted that.

Intrigued by that Punisher tattoo the dirty cop had on him.

OH MY GOD SHE'S THEIR MARITAL COUNSELOR, GOOD FUCKING LUUUUUCK

Man, Karen just fucking skedaddled and I'm wondering if this isn't because she's going to spiral out in CA like she does in the comics so she comes back having also gone through it (I realize it was because, in reality, they had to explain why she wasn't there because otherwise they'd have to rewrite and reshoot everything, but we're talking in universe here). Karen also has a tendency to run, much like she tries to do in S3. We know she'll be back though.

MY THOUGHTS OVERALL:

So.

(puts hands together and breathes because this was a lot and I'm still processing both the return of our man after 6 years and the show events themselves)

So.

I'm obviously gutted over Foggy, I'll be crying over that for a bit even if I still have a lil hope, and am willing to just fix it in fanfic otherwise. But... I liked this. A lot. It's not exactly the Netflix show, which I'll always be nostalgic for, but quite frankly it was never going to be that show - too much time has passed, and batons have changed hands in terms of writing, directing, cinematography, etc. I'm ok with this being a little different. I'm ok with there being some small humps to get over, cause god knows S2 had its issues too (I love you, OG DD, but it's true). I'm really really optimistic about this.

I do think you can also see some slight tonal shifts between stuff that was salvaged from the original writing arc, and what Scardapane has added in during reshoots. And those moments Scardapane's got control are the best, even if I think they've done pretty damn good during the rest of it considering all the shakeups during production. I'm going to be very interested to see what happens in S2 where you've got a singular creator with consistent control, and I'm very excited for the final two episodes of S1 which are both all under Scardapane's hand. The best part is Matt is still Matt. The dialogue, what he's trying to do, even him pulling a, "that part of my life is over" is very him. His resistance to becoming DD again (though as my dad snorted when we were watching and Matt told Fisk that part of his life was over, 'HA! Horseshit.' Cue dad's smug 'HA! Told you.' During the ep 2 fight) feels... like a natural progression, and Charlie's playing it well.

MY THOUGHTS ON MATT, PLEASE STAND BY FOR ULTIMATE DISSECTION.

Oh boy. Oh boy. As predicted, our man is going through it and you can see it (God bless you Charlie, you're as wonderful an actor as ever). He's convinced, of course, that he's doing ok. He's holding down a good job, he's got a new apartment, he's managing to ignore the screams at night even if he has to drown it out with music and live up so high to try to muffle it, he's not laying in bed like a lump, he's not going out to fight, whatever you do, don't go out there, if I go I'll slip again. But this isn't a man who's ok. This is a man who's terrified and wracked with guilt because not only did his life as Daredevil (in his mind) lead to his best friend's death, but he broke his rule. He made the kill move, gave into his grief and his rage, and it was only through luck that Dex lived. It would only eat at him more that it was over Foggy, one of the people who regularly encouraged Matt to hold back from taking that final step. Matt knows Foggy wouldn't have wanted that for Matt.

He was warned that one day he'd kill someone. And he tried to do it.

Giving up Daredevil is what Foggy would have wanted. I have no doubt he's telling himself that.

But you can only cut away part of yourself for so long before it finds a way out. Matt will never be able to resist going to help those who need it. He'll never be able to fully turn away, and he enjoys those fights.

That's where that scream comes from at the end of Ep 2. He has done everything he's supposed to. He's given it all up, he's moved, he's focused on the law only, and he even fucking begged them to leave him be. He let them beat him and beat him and beat him, and still he didn't raise a hand.

Not until that gun came out.

And he snapped.

Everything done right, and still he finds his way here again, with blood on his fists and his adrenaline up and, I'm sure, no small bit of guilty enjoyment over suddenly being back in a fight that he won.

Our man is not ok, and I think he's going to realize that going forward.

This IS our man. There's some frayed edges here - there usually are in pilots, in shows that had this many production issues. But there is so, so much good here too to build on and I'm eager to see where Charlie and them take it even if it winds up crushing my heart a bit more in the process.

#ddba spoilers #daredevil: born again #daredevil #matt murdock #charlie cox #those are my thoughts and i'm sure i'll have more but #this is good. i'm gutted but it's good #i was never expecting an identical copy to the netflix series and i figured there'd be a few rough edges but that it'd still be our boy #and that it'd have a lot for me to enjoy #and i'm happy to say i was right #this is solid and i'm excited to see where this goes #(trying to be vague in tags just in case)

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ichiwashername-o · 8 months ago

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Hi there. I know you're a fan of wicked, and your scarecrow comics are amazing, but, how do you feel about the wizard's? I know the wizard was a conman, but he wasn't the monster portrayed in the musical or film, he was trying to help Oz, something like Oz the Great and Powerful, and the quote "He was a good man, just a terrible wizard". To me, it feels weird making him worse than he was in the source material, and how accepting everyone is of that. But what about you, you prefer him "wicked"?

Oh, this is such an interesting question, because like everything, it's not so black and white, is it?

I believe that The Wizard, whose real name is Oscar, never intended to be a bad man. He was just some simple podunk hick (his own admission) thrown into a position of power and quickly found himself way over his head. He was admired, practically worshipped, and an entire country turned to him to save them from what we can only imagine was some truly desperate times. There was a famine. People were starving and hurting and when you're starving and hurting you become angry, so what do you do when you have such a volatile population looking to you for guidance?

Oscar's approach was undoubtedly wrong, let's get that straight. Blaming the people's plight on the Animals was objectively the wrong thing to do, but I think the song Wonderful illustrates Oscar's thinking brilliantly.

There are few at ease with moral ambiguity-- people don't want nuance. Nuance is hard. Isn't life so much easier when everything is black and white? Bad People cause Bad Things to happen, so blame them. Oscar's a con man through and through--he has experience working in a traveling circus and his whole gig was putting on a show and making people happy. And I genuinely believe he wanted to make the people of Oz happy.

But life is hard and complicated and there are no easy answers. Oscar knows this. And if he can't make the people happy and magically solve all their problems, they'll turn on him and eat him alive. So . . . he does the only thing he can think of, the only thing he can do.

He lies.

He's a performer. He's a con man. He knows how to lie. And he's really, really good at it.

He had good intentions, but you know what they say about good intentions. He wanted to help but did it in the worst way possible--uniting the people with a common enemy. A very effective strategy--just look at what's going on in the political atmosphere today--and I really hope the movie leans into that nuance more. Can you really call yourself a good person if all you do is lie and manipulate people, even if your goals are in the service of "good" and "making people happy?"

Wicked is very clear on that--no. No you can't be. But of course, everyone's a hero in their own story, so Oscar is the hero who saved Oz in her time of need. Even in the original Wizard of Oz, I don't think Oscar was meant to be a genuinely good person, either. Of course Oscar thinks he's a good man--everyone thinks they're a good person because they'll always find a reason to justify their own actions. Oscar still lied to everyone--he lied to Dorothy and her friends, he lied to all of Oz. He doesn't even really give the quartet what they want--he lies about that, too. He gives them meaningless trinkets and sells them the belief that they're real.

And fun fact, the Scarecrow's incorrect reciting of Pythagoras's Theorem was intentionally written wrong to further drive home the point that the Wizard's gifts were bullshit.

In my opinion, Wicked is just leaning harder into the story of the everyman who was corrupted by power and did terrible things, despite his original intentions. It's a much more interesting take, and I really hope they don't make it so simple as him being outright evil. I don't think they will. Because Oscar can be seen as a very effective cautionary tale about how our actions, no matter their intentions, can lead to serious harm if we're not careful.

#wizard of oz #oz #the wizard #wicked #oscar diggs #wicked the musical

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life-is-more-than-just-a-game · 1 year ago

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♠️ How aib males comfort you having your period. ♠️

A/N: So, I got something in my mind because it's literally my time to shine ... maybe this makes me feel a little better. 🫠

Summary: You're fighting for life and death, nobody understands why the streets are empty or how you got to the Borderland in the first place, and as if all that wasn't stressful enough, you also get your period. It feels like anything is possible here, but your body is definitely no exception. On an evening when everyone at the beach is trying to have a good time, you prefer to stay in your room and snuggle up in your bed while you pout to yourself and don't feel like doing anything.

Characters: Aguni, Arisu, Chishiya, Karube & Niragi.

POV: fem!reader

Warnings: Not given.

A g u n i

Not gonna lie, I guess Aguni would be the man a woman would need the most in that time of the moth. I see him as someone who wouldn't be too intrusive but also doesn't make you feel like he doesn't care about you. He knows you well enough to know that chasing you out of bed or out of your room is pointless. As number one, he has to hold the position at the Beach, but that doesn't stop him from at least checking up on you.

And when he finds you in the room, as expected, he prefers to just stand at the door and look at you from there, asking something like:

"Do you need something?" "Are you in a lot of pain?" "Can I do something for you?" "Wanna be alone?"

Aguni is a man. He isn't just a boy anymore who would play down your suffering - your pain - or exaggerate it. Want him to leave? He will. Want him to join you for a moment? He will. Want some cookies or some other snacks and candies? He will bringt them to you.

It's that easy for him, there is nothing to discuss about.

A r i s u

Different from Aguni, Arisu would be the one who is the less experienced in that kind of topic. I can imagine he wouldn't even understand whats going on. So he asks you lots of questions, when he realizes you aren't with your and his own friends but instead lay in bed, impassive.

"Y/N, is something wrong?" "Did something happen?" "Has someone important-?" "I don't understand why you are in such a bad mood. Please, tell me, I can't help when I don't know what's wrong with you."

Let's be honest: yes, in the first place some of us girls and young women would feel a little annoyed by all his questions, but it's not his intention to! So, we shouldn't be such bitches and tell him at least the truth:

"I got my period today and ... yeah, that's it."

He may not have much experience with it, but we all know he's not stupid.

"Well ... I saw a plate of chocolate chip cookies in the lobby earlier. Shall I steal them and bring them up to you?"

Yes, king, please, steal the cookies ... ! 🫶🏻✨

C h i s h i y a

Definitely the most annoying and strenuous of all. Sorry, you know I love you, but you just know too much!

"From a medical point of view, physical activity relieves the pain of cramps." "Carbonated drinks should be avoided. The same goes for drinks with caffeine. This only exacerbates the pain." "Heat can help. And I'm not talking about the warmth provided by your comforter, but by hot water bottles or warm teas, for example - while we're on the subject of drinks."

Good tips, but nothing you want to hear in moments like these. No, really, we won't, darlin'.

"Don't you have anything better to do right now than bother me with your factual knowledge, Chishiya?"

He and Niragi would be the two most likely to awaken the monster in you.

"There are enough days left on my visa." "Means there is enough time to bother you with my factual knowledge."

... At least he takes his time for you and spends his day with you in bed, you can't deny you enjoy this a lot, honey. Neither can I ...

K a r u b e

A mixture of Aguni and Arisu, I think. I don't think he would be that calm like Aguni is and I don't think he would be as lost as Arisu is in that kind of topic. Karube knows that we normally get our period again every month, the only question is how long you've been a couple.

You have to get to know behaviors. Aguni is a man with a little more life experience than most. For him, all kinds of behavioral changes in women are not without reason and are often obvious- but for Karube? Hard to say, but as loyal and optimistic as he is, I think you will have good cards with him at your side.

At least he can see that you're not doing well. The reason doesn't matter at this point, only the fact counts for him and he automatically makes it his goal to see you laughing again, or at least smiling. So, Karube would stay with you in bed, no matter what. Except his visa says he will die tonight, then sorry, we have to let him go for a game ...

Time in bed includes much of cuddles, less talking but much little kisses all over your face, especially when it comes to your forehead and your cheeks. And when you look up to him, he will take the chance putting you a small kiss on the tip of your nose, finally making you giggle a little.

He loves hearing your laugh- most when he is the reason for it.

N i r a g i

I don't know why, but I just can't hate him, help.

The past often plays a major role in how a person develops over the course of their life. Niragi didn't have it easy back then and you are aware of that. But that's also why you're aware that he's not the best person to talk to in cases like this.

You can try to deal with it on your own, but that won't do you any good. And you can't hide anything from him either, which is why he will come up with the idea of visiting you in your room all by himself at some point. When he finds you, he just looks at you in irritation and says things that aren't bad, but in view of your situation … well, let's just say he is not that good with words and he can be happy that you know it.

"Laying in bed all day?" "What's that pout on your face, has someone upset you?" "Come on, let's get moving, the fun is just beginning."

And when you tell him, you are in a bad mood and he should just leave you alone, he is saying something he'll maye regret in just a few seconds ... or minutes ... or never.

"Why are you kicking me out now, are you on your period or-"

Believe me, Niragi IS regreting what he was saying. From that moment on, where you just sat up, gripping one of the pillows next to you, only to immediately throw it at him. Thanks to his reflexes, he is able to catch it- now he is just speechless, staring at you with his mouth, formed as an "o".

"I- ... Gotta get you some snacks."

"You better do, Suguru."

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bardan-jusik · 3 months ago

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omg thank you!!

okay i'm sure everyone expects me to say kal, but it's actually vau

yeah i know i know we're introduced to him as 'the guy who is willing to torture prisoners' and 'the guy who nearly killed atin because of how atin was reacting to how his squad died'

this is not a vau defense post. im not saying he's a GOOD person. he has done, will do, and shows no remorse for a lot of horrible shit. HOWEVER he never does sadistic shit for his own entertainment- it's always because that's what (he believed) needed to be done, to protect those he cares about. and he is extraordinarily lawful about it

i could find more instances of vau demonstrating that he's actually extremely moral but i'm going to focus on the true colors intro scene for the sake of brevity lol

-very explicit about delta not touch anything, he is the one robbing the bank, not them

-he is a civilian, and multiple times through the books he uses his lack of military rank to do things that he would not be able to square with his conscience if he was in a military

-'my squad' 'boys' and 'won't go as far as kal'- he's maintaining the distance of not calling them his sons, but he clearly thinks of them that way. i believe that he won't think of them as his sons because he feels it would be inappropriate, for several reasons- he doesn't want to put himself in a parental role, knowing he would be shit at it, he may feel that after all they had to do to the clones on kamino it would be tasteless to try and play a father figure even if he would be good at it, and it may just be that the concept of fatherhood is distasteful to him because of his own fuckass dad

-'its heartbreaking' and 'tiny kids' and 'he's running out of time faster than me' LIKEEEEE. his inner thoughts are very focused on how much he cares about the clones, even if strong emotion doesn't come easily to him (and he's at least somewhat intellectually aware of whats up there, straight up says his dad fucked him up)

-his arguments with kal are really insightful into his own morals- he thinks that kal treating the clones like his sons is detrimental to the clones. whether kal or vau is right isn't the point- i think that the way they both handled their cadets respectively was the only way either of them could have squared it to themselves morally, and there was no objective Correct Way to handle this deeply fucked up situation

-dude lies to jedi and always manages to do it in ways that are morally acceptable to him

-gives the sapphire to ordo in a gesture that shows extremely substantial support for him and his relationship, and approval of besany, and is also justice towards vau' family

-helps kal dig the foundation for the memorial, which im sure to vau was more or less keeping kal company and showing him some solidarity while kal did what he needed to do to deal with his grief

-goes looking for sev on kashyyyk

-his beskar is black, representing justice

i could probably write a damn book on kal and vau's Whole Thing and this feels deeply incoherent right now but basically- vau cares even if he prefers to show it only through significant, meaningful action and never verbally, vau's actions MUST make internal moral sense to him, and i cannot think of a single thing he does in the books that wasn't motivated by a desire to help the people he cares about

versus kal who easily shows love, verbally, physically, through action- it hurts kal to not show affection. he has to lie to a terrorist and say he doesnt care about the clones to seal a deal and immediately asks to make sure they know he didn't mean it. his actions also must make internal moral sense to him, but he goes about it differently than vau- vau won't take a military position, kal won't sleep in a bed. and not a single thing kal does wasn't motivated by a desire to help the people he cares about

they are INSANE and just. holy shit it's good writing. the character building and dynamics are CRAZY. but you don't get that if you think that vau is an immoral person

#verp talks #repcomm #ask game #walon vau #kal skirata #wow i hope this is coherent its way longer than i meant it to be

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11-asher-11 · 2 months ago

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⋆⁺₊⋆ Random ass topics about shifting + questions u might have ⋆⁺₊⋆

୨ৎ ───────── ≽^• ˕ • ྀི≼ ───────── ୨ৎ

1. Terms

I used to think that the terms like "clone" or "Dr/Or" downplay where i'm shifting to or shifting itself, but actually no. Those terms are used just for facility. There's nothing wrong to saying "clone" as soon as u know that is just you. There's nothing wrong in saying "Or" as soon as u use it just to refer to here (bcs there's no Or actually, we cannot know of maybe we shifted here and forgot it).

2. Define

You don't have to define your Dr. Your dr is just real life, is not like here u define your life. Is not like u call here "common reality" or something. The same u can do with your dr, u don't have to name it "better or" for sure or "fame dr" or a long ass name that explain almost all the reality. Call it whatever u want or don't call it at all.

3. "Try" to shift

We all know we don't "try" but we shift. But guys, if someone say i "tried" to shift yesterday it doesn't mean they didn't really put effort. They said "try" just bcs if a term for explain. I also say "try" but i know I wasn't just trying, i was shifting. And i didn't fail, i'm just closer.

4. Mindset

when ppl say it's all abt mindset i don't think they mean the thoughts, or feelings..i think what they mean is the perception and the "approch". Like the fact that u KNOW u can shift and that u WILL. Is not abt being positive 24/7 bcs we're human and we don't have to repress our feelings.

5. Loa

it sounds much harder than shifting for some ppl but u know why? bcs ppl see it as instant. and bcs ppl can understand how something so beautiful can happen without needing to do something. But guess what? YOU CAN.

i also struggle with it, y'all don't dare to see me as different from u. I have break down too and i struggle too. But i manifested i always come back. And it's working, bcs i KNOW is like that. The whole point of Loa is not believing, but KNOWING you have it. And yes i get y'all that can sound like delusion or lying but knowing doesn't mean lie to ppl. U can say ppl the opposite of your manifestation and still KNOWING you got it until it reflect in the so called 3D.

6. Felling like something is still off.

it happen even to me, dw is normal. And i got why. Biologically our brain is made for make us worry, bcs is impossible to be 100% fine all the time no? well that's what they said to you, no? but u can manifest also that. And that doesn't mean u won't feel feelings and emotions anymore. Just that you'll be alright in any case. For some ppl perfectly is no problems at all and for other the good amount of it.

7. Research ≠ be like others

When you do a research abt loa and shifting u get so many different things. that's bcs for everyone is different! that doesn't mean is useless to do research and ask questions. It just mean that in the end is you. Is you that know what works for you and what u really believe in.

8. Cry and be desperate

i see ppl think that being desperate is the worst thing that can happen as a shifter. But i really believe u should best friend your fears and find out how they're not a problem. Get over it by affront them. Be desperate, feel the bad feelings and hate not had shifted so far. Be angry and frustrated, it won't stop us from shifting. Is not like because for 4 seconds of desperation or doubts u won't be able to shift or need to reprogram your mind from being. Be kind to yourself. Cry. Be angry. And don't stress.

9. Perception

Is sure an important part in my opinion, if you see something as bad it will be bad for you even if for other is beautiful. That also come for shifting. Yeah i told u can be stressed, angry and cry and all. But perception is another thing, is how u feel abt that thing in long run..at least that is the best way i can explain by words.

10. We all different

so even with shifting. But what i think ppl don't get is how DIFFERENT we think. My words here can be taken so differently by how i imagined them.

For that we can actually do a little example:

if in a room full of people u say "image a white room" ppl WON'T think at the same image/perception u had! some will think abt a bedroom, some a bathroom, some kitchen and all..Basically is just bcs of different perception. The same with feelings and SHIFTING. that's why the so called "key" is different.

11. Can shifting/manifestation cure all?

Yes and no. Depends what u wanna do and what u decide. You manifest past, present, future so yes. U can. U can manifest to be rich, to don't have mental illness anymore and EVERYTHING! so yes. Basically u have to just decide. But is also fine whatever u decide or if u prefer take time.

12. A problem i think many have (me too)

ppl don't get they can get EVERYTHING. i manifested before but why i didn't even try to manifest being rich? bcs I don't believe i can. It sounds too beautiful. But guess what? I CAN. i can be rich in one second, win lottery and don't have to work for all my life (in my case i don't wanna 😭). BUT I CAN. And you TOO.

13. Try this chill thing.

U wanna shift right? but every time you try u get stressed, what if i'm doing wrong, what if it doesn't work and what if I fail and gne gne..

WELL. try this, that just got in my mind:

U get in a comfortable position, you're not trying to shift at all, u just enjoying where u wanna go, no stress, no "if i fail what i will do", you're just chill..you're doing it even just for trying the method or for visualizing the Dr better. You have no expectations to fail or no. You just chill.

i think that might help to have a more happy vision abt shifting and "trying" itself! U don't lose anything at trying it. Ofc if you want, no one is forcing you :)

୨ৎ ───────── ≽^• ˕ • ྀི≼ ───────── ୨ৎ

Hope it helps! Byee!

#loa blog #loa tumblr #loablr #loassblog #loassumption #reality shifting #shiftblr #shifters #shifting blog #shifting community #desired reality

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221beloved · 10 months ago

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Only One Bed

I've taken a bit of freedem here... hope that's okay.

(Link to ao3)

"What about this one?"

John pointed towards a bed that was standing a little apart from the others, just a hint of irritation in his voice.

"That's--" Sherlock tried to protest, but John grabbed him by the hand and pulled him over to the piece of furniture.

"Yes, one of the last options, so we better try it."

Mumbling and grumbling Sherlock followed John.

When Sherlock had seen the name Mummy on his phone this morning, he'd picked up growling, "For Christ's sake, if this is about Christmas again--"

He'd been cut off apparently, and John had watched him blink in annoyance, his brows drawn together. Every now and then he'd tried to speak, most certainly to protest. But even the worlds only consulting detective didn't stand a chance against Mummy Holmes.

And so they went to pay a visit to the furniture store, to look for a mattress for the Holmes parents, because they couldn't get into town that easily any more, let alone transport a mattress.

Sherlock's suggestion to just buy one online had been crushed before it had left his mouth completely. They wanted John and Sherlock to test the quality. Which John could understand. By getting older you couldn't sleep on planks any more. Neither was a bed of feathers the best option.

But after almost three hours at the furniture store with Sherlock, John was slowly reaching his limits.

"Come on, sit down," he all but commanded Sherlock and even helped by unceremoniously shoving him down.

Sherlock bounced on the mattress, just a little, and he didn't just sink in and sat in a hollow, like he'd done on some other models.

"Well," John said, sitting down next to Sherlock. "Promising."

Sherlock crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"We could be long done if we'd just take that first one."

John shook his head. Sherlock had confidently marched to a certain mattress as soon as they'd entered the department, proudly presenting John his choice. And John had been content, until he'd seen the price.

"We're not choosing that one for your parents."

"Why not?" Sherlock had frowned at him.

"Have you seen the price?"

Sherlock had shrugged. "They can afford it."

"Doesn't mean they should."

And, “No, we won’t buy them two small mattresses when they only need one. You want them to get suck in the crevice?”

And so they'd been wandering through the department, testing different mattresses, discussing over the price tags, and in Sherlock's case, crouching down and peering under the bed to determine whether the comfortable feeling was due to the mattress or just a good slatted frame.

"We won't take the first one," John told Sherlock for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Now lie down."

And to John's endless relief, Sherlock did.

They lay next to each other silently, staring at the ceiling.

"I like this one," John said, not moving.

"It's... not bad," Sherlock agreed hesitantly.

"What's the price?"

"550£" Sherlock provided.

John shifted a little in his position, then turned on his side to face Sherlock.

"Still expensive. Should be fine though."

He yawned. The mattress really was comfortable, and the hours of arguing with Sherlock were taking their reward. John felt like he could sleep for years.

"But what if two people lie in the same spot," Sherlock mused. "Will it still be adequate then?"

"Oh for--"

John reached out an arm and pulled Sherlock towards himself almost violently, wrapping his limbs around him and tucking Sherlock's head under his chin.

"Well?" he asked.

Sherlock's shocked stiffness resolved and he wriggled even closer into John's embrace, all but melting against him, his arms finding their way around John's body.

"Yes," he mumbled into his jumper eventually. "Yes, I think... this one's adequate."

John let out a groan. "Oh thank God! Finally!"

They could buy that sodden thing, drive it to Sherlock's parents and go home. Finally.

But for now he just wanted to pause a little longer. It was so warm in Sherlock's arms, and the mattress really was comfortable. He felt like he was floating. He closed his eyes.

"Excuse me?" an unfamiliar voice reached John. He groaned and shifted a little, but found he couldn't move. Something was holding him in place.

"Mm, no cases," he muttered. Problem solved.

"Sir, excuse me, you can't sleep here," the voice kept on intruding.

"Yes I can..." John mumbled sleepily, revelling in the warmth around him.

"Sir, I have to ask you to get up. You really can't sleep here!"

The voice was getting more agitated and John opened his eyes in annoyance. He found the reason for the warmth around him in Sherlock, peacefully sleeping next to him, and he smiled.

When he looked up though, he found the source of the unfamiliar voice. A man standing beside the bed they were lying in, arms crossed in front of his chest, watching them half in annoyance, half in sympathy.

"Long day?" he asked, smiling, and John could only blink at him for a moment.

"Oh shit," he then blurted out. "Oh shit, shit!"

He shook Sherlock's shoulder violently.

"Sherlock! Wake up, Sherlock! We fell asleep."

Sherlock batted his hand away.

"Piss of," he mumbled. "I thought you liked it when I sleep."

"Yeah," John freed himself from the tangle of Sherlock's limbs. "But not in a furniture store."

Sherlock's eyes snapped open and he sat up abruptly. "Oh."

"Yes, oh."

John turned towards the employee, who was watching the scenery with an amused expression.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over us," he mumbled, his cheeks and ears burning.

"Sleep," the employee chuckled. "Sleep came over you. I'm glad the mattress was to your liking. Would you like to buy it?"

"Yes," John said, rubbing a hand over his neck. That wasn’t making it any better.

"Yeah, we've actually decided to take this one."

"Perfect," the man smiled. "I'll just go get one for you then."

John watched the man vanish around a corner, then turned to Sherlock.

"Oh my god... this was humiliating."

"Quite," Sherlock agreed, trying to smooth his curls down and get the wrinkles out of his suit jacket.

"Oh my god..." John repeated dumbly.

---

"I really love you," John said when they were leaving the store. He reached out for Sherlock's hand. "But please let's never repeat that."

"What, the looking for an adequate mattress instead of just buying the cheapest, or the falling asleep?"

"Both."

Sherlock looked as if he wanted to argue about that, but just nodded eventually.

"Fine. We'll just take that model too, in case we ever need a new one."

"Perfect." John stretched up and pressed a kiss on Sherlock's lips.

"Let's make a delivery then."

Please tell me if you want to be added or removed from the list!

@flufftober @meetinginsamarra @a-victorian-girl @lisbeth-kk @topsyturvy-turtely

@keirgreeneyes @the-reading-lemon @totallysilvergirl @helloliriels @221bug

@quiscustodiet @willamholmeswatson

#flufftober2024 #day 17 #bbc sherlock #johnlock

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transformersbrainrot · 10 months ago

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MegOp is making me crazy as usual, but now I have some new, specific inspiration!

So it started with @that-fanperson-meg saying this under a post I made about the Transformers account posting a TFO MegOp edit.

I recognized the name of the song but had never actually listened to it, and hooooo boy, it activated something in the part of my brain that thinks about MegOp... So, I'm listening to this song, and I have the clearest vision that it's about Megatron's mindset/thoughts during his mental health's lowest point in the worst depths of the war. (fair warning, my analysis/brainrot is based on my own personal continuity/au, so there are some minor references to that, but it's all fairly standard, and I explain it a bit, so just go with it, and you shouldn't be confused.) Ok, preamble over. Time for the lyrical analysis:

I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a failsafe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late

Megatron assumes that Optimus is in just as bad of a place as he is. He's wrong, of course, OP certainly isn't enjoying himself, but he has an actual support system that he feels comfortable leaning on. On the other hand, Soundwave is the only thing even approaching a friend for Megatron (and he is waaay too closed off at this point to admit it). Starscream is a backstabbing, power-hungry sycophant with his own heap of baggage (I really gotta make a post about my version of all that sometime); Shockwave is purely logic-driven as usual, only interested in advancing the Cybertronian race via the Decepticon cause. By this time, Megatron feels like both sides are too deep into the war to even consider peace. He honestly can't fathom it.

And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away And I never come back to this town again in my life

Megatron has always wanted to escape the path that was decided for him. But now, after losing what he and Orion had and the resulting fallout, he won't go quietly into the night, not before causing some irreparable damage first. And the war will do just that. He hopes the destruction the great war causes keeps pushing him forward, even out beyond Cybertron. At least then, he won't ever need to face the past and who he used to be. He couldn't recognize himself now if he tried, so he doesn't even try.

I hope I lie And tell everyone you were a good wife And I hope you die I hope we both die

Even though it's clear to him that they hate each other and are not good for each other, Megatron still has some form of loyalty to what he and Orion had. If somehow, someday, someone were to ask him about them, he wouldn’t tell them about all their problems, but instead that they were good together. Maybe if this hypothetical future version of Megatron doesn't mention all the pain their split caused, then maybe it was a little less real. He knows that as long as Optimus is around, he won't be able to stop fighting; he's just too hurt and angry. He wishes Optimus would just die, that they both would.

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do And I hope I never get sober

Soundwave, the only even semi-positive influence on him right now, is the one telling Megatron it's darkest before the sun rises. Soundwave is a true believer in the original cause of the Decepticons, probably the last one in High Command; everyone else is either using the cause as a means to take out their pain (Megatron and Starscream) or as a means to an end (Shockwave). Megatron is finding it harder and harder to believe Soundwave with each passing day, and yet again assumes Optimus is doing the same. He's starting to hope it never ends. He's comfortable with it now; the war fills the hole that his old life left in him. All he really knows is that he can't bring himself to yield to Optimus and doesn't think he ever will. If he did, he wouldn't know what to do with himself.

And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way

Megatron is hoping that Optimus is suffering too, since he is, and doesn’t want him to feel anything positive through this since he cannot. But at the same time, he’s trying so hard to be a bastard so that it won’t hurt as much. He does still want to speak well of their past if he gets the chance, so some loyalty or fondness remains deep down. If there were good times to look back on, there would be sadness that those times are over. If Optimus has nothing good to say about him, all he would feel is relief that that part of their lives is over.

I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die

Megatron can't see any way out of where he's gotten them. To him, there's no path to peace anymore. The only solace Megatron can find is the hope that Optimus falls with him. Even now, the two of their fates must be interlocked, as if it were a universal constant to him - simple common sense. He just wants it to be over, even as he can't bring himself to stop.

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rapha-reads · 1 year ago

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IWTV rewatch

Season 1 episode 7 [The Thing Lay Still] - part 3/3

- Okay, the triple confrontation Daniel/Louis, Daniel/Armand and Louis/Louis is long but there's so much to say, I have to quote it entirely:

[Daniel] "Well, isn't that neat and tidy?" - THANK YOU DANIEL, I know I can always count on you to point out the flaws and holes in the fabric of Louis' recollection.

[Louis] "'There was a ship. We did get on it.'

[Daniel] 'Yeah, I read that, the first 50 pages. Not exactly the, uh, adventure-of-our-lives feeling I'm feeling.'

[Louis] 'It was a traumatic escape.'

[Daniel] 'Yeah, but she didn't say that explicitly. […] But, um… there's a feeling that she hated your guts there for a while. Why is that?'"

Trust Daniel to always see the little thing that would be inconsequential to anyone else.

[Louis] "'I was haunted by my brother's death, by the abandonment of my sister, by the murder of Lestat, I…'

[Daniel] 'Murder? What murder? It was an act of mercy. You didn't kill Lestat. You spared him out of some fucked-up idea you had about love.'

[Louis] 'Love? I bled him like a pig and waited for the death rattle.'"

Oh, Louis. You are so good at lying to yourself. Good thing Daniel's too much of an excellent investigative reporter to let you fool him like you're fooling yourself. Notice how Louis looks as Daniel undoes all his lies and smoke mirrors? Like he's still trying to cling so hard to the story he's told himself for the past 80 years, like the lie is the only thing that keeps him upright, like if he admits the love, admits he wanted to save Lestat, that would completely undo him and there would be no going back?

[Daniel] "You were shot point-blank by an alderman. You were dropped a thousand feet and survived. You torched Antoinette just to make sure. Where does the trash go, Louis? You take the trash down to the street, some guys show up in a truck and they throw it in the back, and then, they drive it out to the middle of nowhere, right? No. They take the trash to the dump. And having lived two blocks away from the dump just outside of Fishkill, New York, with my first wife, I can state, with authority, what else you'll find there. Rats. Big fucking rats, the size of Kevin Durant's sneakers. Enough blood in them to bring back the dead. Especially one in a trunk with locks on the inside. You knew it, Louis. You had to. The biggest rat eater of them all."

Thank you for bringing back Moonlight Sonata! Haven't figured out yet if it's intra or extradiegetic tho. I love its presence in this episode. It's my favourite piece of classical music (I know, very original) and it's so gothic par excellence.

Mention of the first wife, Alice/Armand, no, I will not get down from this hill.

I love how Daniel's theory posit Louis as having done some planning for himself outside of Claudia's and even Lestat's, with the trunks locking on the inside and the rats needed to revive.

[Rashid/Armand] "'This session is over.'

[Daniel] 'How many days in the Islamic year? How many names are there for Allah?'

[Rashid/Armand] '355 and 99.'

[Daniel] 'Why does a 200-pound bouncer pass out after he sucks him off, and you, a wet T-shirt away from 130, doesn't even blink?'"

Ha, Daniel said 'okay who the eff are you and why am I smelling bullshit'. Meanwhile Armand said 'oh shit we're getting too close to dangerous waters and Louis is about to lose it, better reassert control'. But also, Muslim!Armand. Definitely. Not a throwaway line, not just pretence. Rolin Jones I'm counting on you to not fuck this up.

[Louis] "'I couldn't burn him.'

[Daniel] 'But Claudia could.'

[Louis] 'No', she couldn't.'

[Daniel] 'She stuck a pen in his neck. She recorded his last words in his own blood. The girl did not have a fuckin' problem tossing him on the grill, okay?'"

And Louis' wall of lies is breaking and shattering… And the pebbles of the zen garden, his other big trauma, don't help either…

[Daniel] "You cursed her into the darkness. You chose Lestat over her time and time again. You don't need a memoir, Louis. You need a hundred sessions of EMDR. You know the shit they put soldiers through when they see one of their platoon buddies get blown up in front of them?"

Say it, Daniel! These messy vamps need therapy.

Making jokes to avoid the sheer anguish in Louis' face, voice and body language, both in the 1940 flashback (the image of Louis holding Lestat's body and yelling is tattooed on my eyelids) and in 2022 (Louis sitting in his zen garden hugging and rocking himself, eyes screwed shut, trying to block Daniel and Armand's voices and the memories lives rent free in my mind).

[Daniel] "'144 years and you're still Louis the Pimp, paying a whore to sit in a room and talk with you. 'Cause why? You got some story you wanna tell the whole world about yourself?'

[Rashid/Armand] 'When you hear it you'll be ashamed, ashamed of what you say to him now!'"

Please don't hold back, Danny, do tell us what you think exactly. But hey, Louis needs to hear it.

The fuck are you talking about, Armand… Also notice how agitated he is? Feeling protective of Louis, or feeling like he's losing control of the interview, the interviewee and the interviewer all at once?

Love Armand taking off is gloves in the background. So subtle, so crucial. And then the lenses.

[Daniel] "'This is the same shit that happened in San Francisco.'

[Louis] 'Not exactly.'

[Daniel] 'How is it any different, Louis?'

[Armand] 'This time I won't save your life. Louis can sometimes act out. I protect him from himself, always have. Stopped him that night in San Francisco.'"

Oh, hello, Armand's decided to play Superman. Aaaaah, Armand's orange eyes, I love them!!!

Can we talk about Armand's infantilisation of Louis? "He acts out, I protect him from himself"… Like a child that can't regulate his feelings and needs to be put on time's out. The manipulation is deep and multi-layered, it's not just the memory alteration. Notice how Louis is pretty much dissociating, staring at the grey wall, face slowly becoming inexpressive and voice returning to flat and empty, from the moment Armand started telling off Daniel?

[Daniel] "'You were there.'

[Louis] 'You don't remember.'

[Daniel] 'No, I don't remember.'

[Louis] 'What was that you said about memory? 'A monster', was it?'

[Daniel] 'But I saw you standing in the sun.'

[Armand] 'As we age, the sun loses its power over us. What's a mediocre star to a 514-year-old vampire?'

[Louis] 'Daniel Molloy, I'd like you to meet the vampire Armand, the love of my life.'"

One, don't be too cocky, Louis, there's plenty you don't remember about that night too yourself.

Two, and we've come full circle again, the monster memory making itself fully known after lurking all season long.

Three, shut up Armand, the Sun is not a mediocre star, it's part of the entire reason there's life on this planet, show some respect. Sun deities are some of the most frequent deities around the globe. You need to come back down to earth.

Four, all the books being out of reach to Louis, another way Armand's exerting subtle control.

Five, "love of my life", BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGA *deep breath* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA, that line kills me every time I hear time. Why you lying Louis, stop fucking lying all the time. Sorry, Armand.

Daniel seeing them side by side and hearing that stupid line after listening to Louis ramble and compose poetry on the spot about Lestat for the past week or so: "hm. I sense bullshit of the highest degree. Time to destroy that whole tower of lies one by one.".

Aaaaaaaaaah, that was such a rich and intense episode!!!! What a grandiose season 1 final!!! So many different elements that have got to be revisited by other perspectives to get the full painting. So many seeds planted for season 2 and even season 3!! The writing is flawless, the acting is exquisite, the music is gorgeous, the costume, set design and stage direction are masterful. I am in love with this show.

ep1 | ep2 | ep3 | ep4 | ep5 | ep6 | part 1 | part 2

#and we're done with s1! i'll do s2 soon #interview with the vampire #iwtv #iwtv amc #amc iwtv #iwtv s1 #iwtv rewatch #the thing lay still #episode reaction #louis de pointe du lac #daniel molloy #armand de romanus #the vampire armand #lestat de lioncourt #claudia de pointe du lac #the vampire claudia #rapha talks #rapha watches shows

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masterchef901 · 2 years ago

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Some rampant Freckle theorizing (Idk how confirmed this is but we roll it (lackadaisy spoilers))

I was thinking about Freckle and the theory/general idea that he killed or hurt his dad and Rocky took the blame for it, and the more I think about it the more it explains a ton of Freckle's character.

Like, we'd have the obvious and immediate: he follows Rocky and does whatever he asks without question, because Freckle feels like he owes him a debt, one worth killing for. Not to mention, we have some more rationale behind Freckle's habit of trying to fix things when stressed, and his original intentions of becoming a cop, both of which may represent a sort of penance in his mind. Try to make things better to make up for how he made them worse. Get dangerous criminals off the street, to make up for the fact that he feels he is one.

But then we get a bit more in the details of things:

"Remember to always lie" lands a lot heavier in this paradigm, doesn't it?

But the way the other letters are framed right there with him make me think they're a part of the trauma too. That make me think that every single one of these weighs on him, makes him think: "Rocky's struggling out there because of me"

"He's suffering because I lied"

"I'm doing this to him"

"I ruined his life too"

and yet, at the same time,

"If I tell anyone then Rocky suffered for nothing"

And that would absolutely eat at someone. Eat at them enough that a particularly inflammatory letter would leave them curled up and broken in their room marinating amongst years of other accumulated pain.

And bearing this view of his past in mind, I speculate a bit on his defining trait in the present:

The oft-accepted explanation is that he's just a "natural killer", or that these acts of violence are in some way a release of other, possibly unrelated pent-up stress and anxiety. But bear with me a moment, and consider another angle:

You're a murderer. You've spent years lying about it. You threw your cousin under the bus. You lied to your mother. You're a murderer and you can never forget it. You always lie. You have to remember to always lie about being a murderer.

And then you kill someone again.

And this time it's in front of plenty of witnesses, it's to protect someone and most importantly: it isn't a secret to these people.

I posit that in this moment, Calvin "Freckle" McMurray is feeling honest with himself for the first time in years. He has internalized the feeling that he's a murderer, and now he gets to wear that, and be "himself", for what he feels that is, and he doesn't have to hide. He doesn't have to hide that he's a murderer anymore. In the most fucked-up possible way, Freckle is owning who he is. Maybe it's a stretch, but I think what we're seeing is the euphoria of relief, from a particularly twisted confession.

The next time we see him actually shooting again...

There's still some of that derangement, but it also seems to me that Rocky's doing most of the laughing. And maybe it's the involuntary mud-bath he takes after this panel, but...

That mania sure faded quick this time. Even though he's digging for it, trying to find it, the euphoria just isn't coming the way it did just a couple canonical days ago, and I think it's because there's nothing more to get from it.

The killing confession's been given, and there's no more relief to be found in trying to let himself be a killer. Now it's just... more bloodshed.

At this point, we've caught up pretty much completely to our protagonists in the story. From here, we move from the 'bear with me but' kind of speculation to just totally rampant guesswork. But what could this mean for our adorable gunman's future?

Well for starters, I think we'll see his work quality start to take a dip once he realizes he doesn't actually love it.

And for seconds, it means that he's probably not done riding the guilt train either. If anything, he might start working out his confusion, realizing just how fucked everything in his life is. Might even begin to resent Rocky for it.

And perhaps most interestingly in my mind is how this poor kid's emotional state is going to interact with his relationship with Ivy. After all, I feel like the very nature of the relationship is still settling, and we don't really have a clear view of how invested its members are in it. Maybe Ivy's just in it for some fun and Freckle's along for the ride and eventually the ride'll end and that'll be that. But, uh, something about the laws that govern narrative existence makes me think that this will perhaps not be the case.

Because suppose that Freckle starts feeling it more deeply. He might easily see his first true confidant in Ivy - someone who he owes no debt, who he's under no obligation to lie to, and who seems both aware of and okay with his homicidal tendencies. He could really come to lean on her a lot as he develops and navigates his trauma. And this leads to some outcomes:

If Ivy's willing to reciprocate that trust and vulnerability, we get treated to some absolutely delectable hurt-comfort.

If she isn't, she might back off, even sever things entirely as she's not used to dealing with this kind of baggage in a partner. Depending on how in-love Freckle's feeling at this point in this timeline, the sudden pain and isolation on top of his freshly re-opened trauma might be enough to send him into a complete mental break in the worst case.

And either way, and no matter which way anything goes, we get some absolutely killer drama.

#lackadaisy spoilers #theory #lackadaisy #the cats #i cannot stop thinking about the cats #lackadaisy theory #lackadaisy freckle #freckle #character analysis #but that analysis is all predicated on a theory that is unconfirmed #spoilers

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melanieph321 · 2 years ago

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Ruben Dias x Reader - Fake Love Part 8/8

This story will have an Epilogue!!!! 😭

⚠️Warning ⚠️

18+

Reader is a kindergarten teacher. Nothing more nothing less. But following an accident whistle vacation in Dubai she somehow makes her boyfriend believe that she does somthing else for a living, something that earns her way more money than she has. Her boyfriend, Ruben, is just happy to have found someone who understands him so well, someone who doesn't want him for his money since money isn't an issue for neither reader or himself. Or so thinks. Would finding out the truth ruin their newfound relationship? Readers thinks so, and does everything to keep up the lie, although it has some bad people from the middle east looking for her.

Enjoy!

Apperently Ruben and his team were already in London when he called you yesterday. Stevenage was only an hour away by car, so now he was here, asleep in your bed. You watched him when he slept, his chest heaving up and down with his slow breathing. You placed a hand to his naked torso, running it down his washboard abs. Ruben's body stirrded with your motion, but did not awake, or at least he did not open his eyes.

"What time is it?" He grunted, voice deep and heavy in the morning.

"Early." You smiled.

One eye flung open. "Too early to cuddle?"

You bit your lip and shook your head.

Ruben's arms stretched for you across the matress. He pulled you closer, your chest against his chest. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Ruben."

"You look beautiful."

"Don't lie."

He frowned.

"No one looks beautiful in the morning Ruben, well....maybe except for you."

"And you." He tugged you closer, although it was physically impossible. "We're both beautiful people. Life is such a struggle for us."

You giggled, then made the effort to get on top of him. His eyes were fully open now as his hands moved up and down your thighs.

"Good morning."

"You already said that."

"I know." He grinned. "I'm just a messenger, someone else wants you."

You gasped a little as something pocked your back. Looking behind, you saw Ruben's full fledged erection trying to escape his boxers. You turned back to him. "I want you to meet my parents today."

"Um, okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." He nodded, a bit distracted.

You pushed your palms against his chest, sliding backwards until you had his cock between your legs. "You must know that they're just normal people my parents."

"Mhm...sure baby."

You were grinding your hips, moving them slowly against his shaft.

"Normal people, like you and me?" He asked, trying to keep up with what you were telling him. But as you've come to learn through your facetime calls, Ruben was terrible at multitasking when horny.

"No, normal people like me." You mumbled.

Ruben threw his head back, his hands helping guide your hips to rock themselves faster against him. You paused. "Do you want to come like this or inside me?"

He raised his head from the pillow, meeting your eyes. "Inside." His head bobbed up and down. "Definitely inside."

You raised yourself to sit in a crouching position, legs spread for Ruben to see you push your panties aside, revealing how wet you were for him. You sat back down but struggled to have him inside you right away.

"Slowly baby, take it slow."

He was big, big and wide.

"Fuck, you feel so good." His hands went under your shirt, groping your breast. "So fucking good."

You were enjoying yourself, but the focus was to please him, to make him feel good.

"Baby not that fast, I'm gonna come right away."

"I want you to come." You let his cock slide in and out of you with the rocking motion of your hips.

"But baby..." He groaned, a vein visible against his throat. "Baby please, don't..." It was too late. Your motions increased, making Ruben sprout his seed into your womb. Of course, the pill you were taking would take care of that asap.

Ruben flipped you over to lay on your back, regarding you curiously. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me come so fast?"

You turned to lay on your side, your head resting in your hand. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

Ruben swiped his thumb across your cheek, removing a dead eyelash "I wanted both of us to come, together."

You shrugged. "Would've taken us too much time."

He frowned. But you ignored him and got up and out of bed. "I have some work to take care of today. We can go to my parents house when I return, but it's best for you to stay in the apartment in the meantime." God knows if somone spotted him outside. Ruben was sitting on the edge of the bed with the sheets between his legs, when you turned back to look at him.

"Can I ask you something?" He said.

"Sure."

You were going through your closet, searching for an outfit to wear for the day. You were glad that Ruben didn't ask so many questions as to why you had so much of your stuff in "Alicia's apartment."

"Yesterday on the phone..."

You stiffened knowing just where the conversation was going.

"....I told you I loved you, but you didn't say it back?" He looked confused, sad and confused. You left the closet and approached him. "Oh bay, I was just stressed. Of course I love you too." You bent down and kissed him, glad that he was kissing you back with equal amount of passion. His words were spoken against your lips. "Good, now let me make you come."

You squealed as his arms wrapped around you, wrestling you back down against the matress. Ruben stayed on top, pulling down the front of his boxers to reveal how hard he still was for you.

"And I'm gonna take as much time as I want with you, got it?"

You smiled. "Yes sir."

********************************************

You went about your day, quite happy with how it started. Ruben knows that you love him and when you introduce him to your parents later tonight you're also gonna tell him the truth about who you really are. He deserves to know.

"Miss?"

"Yes Simon?"

You peered over your desk to see the little boy, once again, with a pen up his nose.

"It's stuck."

"Of course it is."

You took him to the nurses office, appointing another teacher to guard your class. Upon returning to the classroom you bumped into...

"Y/N, can I talk to you?"

"If you make it quick Byron?"

He looked remorsful, as if...

"I regret the way I ended things last night. I'm sorry."

You sighed, really having nothing personal against Byron. "Apology excepted. I have to get back to my class."

"I'll lend you the money!" He blurred out.

"Really?"

He nodded.

You folded your arms. "What's the catch?"

"No, catch. You seem to really need it and I'm stupid for not realizing that last night. I put you in an even more uncomfortable spot and I'm sorry."

You uncrossed your arms and approached him. "Enough apologies." Byron's cheek blossomed when you pressed your lips against it. "Thank you. This means more than you know."

It meant the world. All was well. You were gonna pay Mr Siddiq back everything of what you owe. And then you would...."

"Whatta hell is going on?"

"Nina?"

It was your boss, the school principal, marching towards the two of you down the hall.

"Where are all the children?"

"What do you mean?" You looked to Byron who peered into one of the classrooms. "They're gone." He said.

"No shit." Nina hissed. "And where is the rest of my faculty?"

An open window revealed commotion in the school yard. You, Byron and Nina rushed out to see what it was all about.

"Alicia?"

It was Alicia, alongside Ruben. The children and some members of the faculty were surrounding him, asking, no begging him to sign anything of their belonging, shoes, backpacks...

"What are you doing here and why did you bring Ruben?" You asked, through clenched teeth. However your expression softened seeing the look of terror in Alicia's eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry."

You frowned. "For what?"

"They got em'." She sniffled.

"Got who? Who's got who Alicia?"

"I dunno, the fucking national guard or something. Apparently they raided your parents house in search for you. The local police has brought them in for interrogation."

"W...what?" A lump in your throat. Just then Ruben managed to escape the children. "Y/N, what's going on?" He looked both angry and confused, Alicia must have told him the truth.

"Y/N!" The voice of your boss sparked behind you. "What is all this?" She was looking at Ruben and so did Byron. Ruben who was getting ambushed by the children again.

"I...I can explain."

"There is no time." Alicia said, grabbing your hand and dragging you to her car. Ruben fought himself free and ran after you. "Y/N, can you please tell me what's going on?"

It hurt so much, seeing the confusion in his eyes, the confusion you had caused. "I'm not...." You inhaled. "I'm not who you think I am."

He froze, not quite sure what any of that meant.

"I'm a liar Ruben, a fucking liar. I've lied about everything to you. I'm not rich, I'm a kindergarten teacher.

"But...Portugal." He stuttered.

"Portugal was a lie. Everything you saw me buy it was all a facade, all a game to impress you. I've been borrowing money from a man named Muhammed Siddiq, money I can't pay back. And now I've got to the police and turn myself in."

Alicia continued to drag you towards the car.

"Y/N wait!"

He didn't give up. Ruben just refused to let you go. "You and me? Everything that happened between you and me, was that also a lie?"

You shook your head, knowing there was only one way to end things. "I'm sorry. "

His shoulders fell, finally accepting the betrayal.

"Goodbye Ruben."

You and Alicia drove off. Off to confess your many sins.

The End

#fanfiction #football imagine #ruben dias #man city #manchester city #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias imagine #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #football angst

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spaceorphan18 · 9 months ago

Text

The Lady Whistledown Papers : 2x01 Capital R Rake (Part 5)

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

Sorry for the delay! We're finally at the end of episode 1!! There's so much Penelope in this episode, it's crazy!

The Diamond Ball

So, we have TWO balls in this episode. And it's funny, the Queen is throwing this thing because she feels goaded by Lady Whistledown, and is trying to show off (and find her diamond of the season). Meanwhile, the Queen is incredibly dismissive of the real Lady Whistledown - basically shooing all of the Featheringtons away. (Boo!)

I love how Penelope rolls her eyes after they've been dismissed. She's used to it - it's not unexpected. But man does she find it annoying to be ignored sometimes.

You know what, though -- I really love Penelope's look in this scene. Her dress is actually quite beautiful, and her hair isn't so frantic. It feels like, this season, they aren't making her look as ridiculous. Which is a nice step to where we go in Season 3.

I do also wonder -- she's not totally alone at the ball - she has Eloise, who is in society now, and her gossip to keep her entertained. But I'll bet she does miss seeing Colin at these functions. It probably used to give her something (else) to look forward to.

Or maybe I just miss Colin, lol. Why is he not in this episode, c'mon. :)

Shout out to Eloise cute little quip about liking emeralds more than diamonds. She is adorable. She's also freaking out - so what does she do? Go find her bff (standing by the wall - naturally) and freak out on her. Penelope, however, is quite amused by all of it.

Of course, the moment Eloise gets positive attention from the Queen, Cressida and her lackies come around to attempt to collect her. And -- this is Cressida's poor attempt at making friends. It is at the expense of Penelope, whom she calls 'insipid wallflower'.

Penelope manages to stand tall through the ridicule. She does her best to ignore Cressida -- and it's so amusing watching how these two interact in these first few seasons. I mean, Cressida doesn't like Penelope, because it's uncool to like the Featheringtons in general (and omg, how High School Drama is this whole bit??), and because she's been brought up to make a competition with every other female out there. But Penelope is strong and can take it.

And ultimately, Penelope is going to get last laugh, eventually.

Here, though, it's Eloise who sticks up for her -- saying she'd rather die than be friends with Cressida, to which Penelope snorts out a laugh. (Of course, it's funny that Eloise will some day eat her own words when she genuinely gains some affection for Cressida) but the point is Eloise's loyalty does lie with Penelope -- and the strength of their friendship is something very special.

The other thing to note, though, is that we're getting a long of strong Penelope/Eloise friendship out the gate, because the season is going to show it deteriorating a bit as we make our way to the brutal end of the season. But it is nice to see that there is someone in the world who looks out for Penelope, when the rest of the world ignores or ridicules her.

Friendship

Next we get a scene that I absolutely adore. Penelope and Eloise's friendship is something that does mean a lot to me -- as it is a great female friendship, and one that consists of a lot of love. And I think that sometimes friendship love can be overlooked and not valued as much as romantic love, and one of the aspects of this show that is so great is that it shows the value in friendship love (as well as familial love - but I digress). Eloise is as important to Penelope as Colin is -- and we do get to see that play out over the next two seasons, and it's so, so good.

Anyway - Penelope and Eloise make their way to this garden (?). And kudos to the set design team because the yellows of the flowers matching Penelope, while the night matches Eloise? It's a perfect environment for them. This scene is just so visually stunning.

We start out with Eloise complaining about Cressida being a jerk, and how she doesn't understand how Penelope can deal with society -- especially when they're look on as if they were fine china and not people. And it speaks to a theme often found between Penelope and Eloise, how they both desire to be seen and do more than the women of the time are expected to be. Penelope jokes back that her being that 'insipid wallflower' prevents her from being under the microscope in the same way Eloise is.

And I love LOVE this conversation -- because it speaks to the different plights women have. How some women have too much attention always being thrown at them. And how other women are discarded and ignored without a thought. It speaks to things going on today, and not just back then. And it's fantastic.

As they sit down, Penelope starts to talk about her own experiences, and how being the wallflower isn't so bad. She gets the first lemonade! And she's able to watch people and understand them.

There's a small moment where Penelope really is open and honest -- where she tells Eloise that she watches the romantic going ons of couples, and can see when jealousy arises, and there's a small smile that comes to her face, as I'm sure, there's a small part of her that probably daydreams some guy would be like that about her. But mostly, she's giving away that she desires romance and romantic love, but sees it all as a fantasy playing out for her to watch.

She also gives away that she hears all the gossip, even hears what the servants are talking about. And it's a very vulnerable moment, because had Eloise been a little quicker, she may have picked up that Pen was Lady Whistledown. (And of course, this is foreshadowing that Eloise is going to notice it.)

The next beat is so brilliantly done -- Eloise stating that Penelope has been keeping something from her. And Penelope freezes in fear that Eloise has figured her out. The duality of this moment is so great.

Eloise says she doesn't have to pretend any longer (Penelope remains freaked out that her secret has been discovered) but Eloise swerves -- and says, unlike her, Penelope likes all of the society stuff. And Penelope becomes visually relieved. Her secret is safe another day. But Eloise is also not wrong, and Penelope becomes a little bashful.

Penelope looks so cute here - like a little garden nymph. Just needed to express that.

Penelope states she does find all of it amusing, then, interestingly, brings it to Lady Whistledown -- asking if Eloise if she still fins LW amusing. Eloise admits that she doesn't dislike LW now, but that LW is now an unchanging reminder of how trapped in her society role she is.

And it gives Penelope a moment to reflect. Because she, too, is trapped by her role in society. Lady Whistledown was an outlet, a remedy for that. And yet, even that has become repetitive. And even though she does enjoy the going-ons of the Ton more than Eloise, even though gossip is fun, and her secret business is fun, it doesn't change the fact that in reality -- they still are who they are.

Eloise then opens up in a very vulnerable moment -- where she states that while she has no desire to be Daphne, she feels like she's always being compared to Daphne, and that she'll never live up to that. And the hardest part is always being compared to her sister -- and not being allowed to stand on her own merits. Merits, which, don't measure up to the expectations of society and the Ton.

Penelope is quick to comfort her friend, reaching out for her hand. Because she gets it -- she does.

Penelope takes a moment to really think about it from Eloise's POV, and admits that she hasn't thought of it that way -- because she has the opposite problem. No one really notices her.

And that thought is key -- because besides Eloise, there is one person who does truly notice her. But we'll get to that. ;)

Penelope goes on to say that she does like that she's sometimes invisible. It gives her freedom to move around without being notice. It means she doesn't have the same expectations thrusted upon her like Eloise does. Eloise asks if she thinks that's why LW remains anonymous -- and Penelope simply answers 'perhaps' but we can see it in her face this is indeed the correct answer. But we also see that there is some loneliness in that invisibility.

She wants to be seen! Knowing that everyone is loving and having fun with Lady Whistledown in secret is one thing. But the secret is going to become a heavy burden the longer it goes on.

We end the scene on a lighthearted note, bringing it around back to Cressida, and that her hair being too tight is the source of all her meanness. The two giggle and laugh, and delight in each other's company, and it's a soft, sweet moment for the two of them.

Before we leave this scene, though, I also want to note that in this scene we get to see Penelope's dress up close. It's got accents of white stars on them, but they reflect blue in that light and it's really quite the beautiful dress, but I wonder if it's symbolic, a little, that the Bridgertons are a part of her, and her life. Also - Pen and Eloise's clothing match each other in a very complementary way (as well as they both do with the scenery). Brilliant little scene indeed.

Penelope and Eloise must not have been out in the garden that long, because they do make it back in time to see the Queen announce that Edwina is the new Diamond. They are shocked! But also - they're going to be so little involved in the Kanthany story, it really doesn't matter. The important point is that Penelope notices so LW can narrate about it (lol)

Jack Featherington

Upon returning home, we finally get the reveal that they've been hinting at all episode -- the entrance of the new Lord Featherington -- a distant cousin of previous Lord Featherington. But it's not who they expect -- it's his son, from America -- a young, handsome, and charming man who has now thrown the Featherington household into upheaval.

Penelope finds him quite amusing here! Not only does he seem competent -- and willing to help them, he also is putting Portia in her place a bit (by having her things moved). It's an unexpected delight, and everyone, except Portia, is thrilled by the turn of events.

Penelope states that the new Lord Featherington is here to provide. I love Portia's look of utter horror as Penelope looks delighted. Let's see how that works out for y'all ;)

It's the end of Penelope in the episode -- but not really. The new LW issue comes out, and we hear that Penelope has taken Eloise's advice -- in that she concludes that the whole 'diamond' business is ridiculous, and maybe they shouldn't be so invested in something so frivolous, as women are worth more than how they look. It's a great mark for Pen, and for Eloise, but in making this shift -- Penelope has (probably unknowingly) pissed of the Queen.

I suppose we'll see how that works out for her, too :)

But - also, I want to point out that -- sometimes our actions have consequences that we don't always see. And it'll be a lesson for Penelope that her voice has farther and more impactful reach than she even realizes.

And that's a wrap on Episode 1! :)

#bridgerton #polin #penelope featherington #penelope bridgerton #polination #the lady whistledown papers

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