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violetrainbow412-blog · 4 months ago

Text

Differential Diagnosis

Spencer Reid x fem!reader x platonic!James Wilson

wc: 3.4k

note: okay, hyperfixations are WORKING. I started watching House MD (I saw a few seasons years ago, but I'd forgotten about it) and this just popped into my head during a night of mystical delirium. I hope it makes some sense; I had a lot of fun writing it.

The mere thought of asking Gregory House for a favor made your stomach turn.

Not because he was incompetent—quite the opposite—but because you knew his corrosive humor and his eagerness to make others uncomfortable all too well. Every time your paths crossed in the past, he found a way to mess with you, point out any personality trait that might make you vulnerable, and laugh it off with his signature mocking tone.

And yet, there you were, standing next to Spencer Reid at Princeton-Plainsboro, trying to convince yourself that this encounter wouldn’t be as terrible as you imagined.

As members of the FBI, the team had the freedom to consult with as many specialists as necessary, even if they weren’t directly involved in the case you were working on. And deep down, you knew there was no one better to help you than Gregory.

You cursed the moment Spencer had mentioned it in front of Hotch because you had to confess to the "friendship"—if you could even call it that—you had with the doctor. Well, more than a friendship, Hotch had sent you because he trusted that you could persuade him. You had asked Reid to go with you so he could explain the medical aspects and, in part, as a kind of punishment for him.

You had already spoken with the hospital director, and she had given you the all-clear to head to his office. When you arrived, House had his back turned, checking something on his computer. His voice greeted you before you could even speak.

“If this is another attempt by Cuddy to get me to take cases for free, tell her my charity quota is already exhausted this week.”

“It’s good to see you too,” you said, crossing your arms.

House slowly turned in his chair, and upon seeing you, a mocking smile appeared on his face.

“Well, well. My favorite FBI agent. What brings you here? Need a consultation, or are you here to arrest me for being too cool?”

You sighed. House was already getting on your nerves, and you hadn’t even been with him for five minutes.

“I’m sure if I were to arrest you, it wouldn’t be for that. We need your help with a case.”

House leaned his elbows on the desk and interlaced his fingers. He looked curious, like someone who, after hours of boredom, was offered an intellectual challenge. At least you had one advantage: you knew him well enough to read his expressions.

“Are you serious? The United States National Security and Intelligence Service needs Gregory House?”

“Maybe. But if you get too full of yourself, there are always other alternatives.”

“None as good as me, I see. I’m the first one you go to,” he murmured, a mixture of arrogance and mockery in his voice. “Don’t you have other FBI doctors for this? Or perhaps a 'medical council' that includes the entire detective team?”

You took a few steps closer, making it clear you were there for something serious. Spencer followed you cautiously.

“No, House. What we have is... something we can’t solve without your specialized knowledge. And I know this because you specialize in cases that no one else can interpret correctly.”

“And what do I gain?”

Reid intervened in his patient tone.

“It’s a case with complex medical implications. We thought you might be interested.”

House turned his head toward him, assessing him. He seemed as if he had barely noticed his presence.

“And who are you?”

“This is Dr. Spencer Reid,” you said, stepping forward. “He’s my colleague at the Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

“Huh. I’ve heard about you…” House began, as if Reid were some kind of celebrity whose biography he was now trying to recall. “You’re the genius at the FBI, aren’t you? The child prodigy who memorized the Encyclopedia Britannica before he could ride a bike.”

“It wasn’t before I learned to ride a bike,” Reid corrected matter-of-factly.

House burst out laughing.

“Okay, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention. What do we know?”

You sat in the chairs in front of his desk and slid the files you had brought toward him. Reid, from his spot, waited patiently for you to give him a signal to begin the explanation.

“Several victims have developed severe neurological symptoms before dying. We haven’t found any common toxins or obvious signs of poisoning, but their organs show unexplained deterioration.”

House flipped through the documents with little interest, probably analyzing what Spencer was saying.

“Interesting.”

“At autopsy, we found significant degeneration in the basal ganglia and the substantia nigra of the brain,” he continued. “There was also an abnormal accumulation of proteins in the limbic system, similar to what occurs in prion diseases, but without the presence of prions themselves.”

“Go on.”

“The liver tissue showed massive necrosis, with no signs of viral infection. And the lungs had edema, although the fluid levels were not sufficient to indicate severe heart failure.”

House narrowed his eyes.

“Hallucinations?”

“Yes,” Reid nodded. “In all the victims, the symptoms began with confusion, then extreme paranoia and episodes of aggression.”

House leaned forward slightly, interested.

“How long did it take from the first symptom to death?”

“About a week.”

“Common substances in the body?”

“Nothing consistent with known poisons. No recreational drugs or heavy metal exposure either.”

House let out a low whistle.

“Wow, this is interesting.”

You watched the interaction in surprise. House rarely took anything seriously in the first few minutes of a conversation, and the fact that he was now listening intently to Reid meant he was genuinely impressed. Then again, it was easy to be impressed by anything that came out of Reid’s mouth.

House leaned back in his chair, turning his cane slightly in his hand. His gaze slid from Reid to you and back to the file.

“All right, genius boy, give me a diagnosis.”

Reid squared his shoulders with his characteristic seriousness.

“It could be an atypical variant of Creutzfeldt-Jakob syndrome. The abnormal accumulation of proteins in the limbic system and the degeneration of the substantia nigra could indicate an accelerated neurodegenerative disease.”

House shook his head almost immediately.

“There are no prions. There’s no evidence that it’s spongiform encephalopathy. Furthermore, Creutzfeldt-Jakob doesn’t kill in a week.”

“It could be a case of L-Dopa analogue poisoning, perhaps exposure to a compound derived from MPTP. That would explain the necrosis in the substantia nigra and the neurological symptoms.”

“If that were the case, I’d expect to see rigidity and bradykinesia, not extreme paranoia,” House countered. “And liver necrosis doesn’t fit.”

Reid frowned slightly, thoughtful.

“Paraneoplastic autoimmune encephalitis?”

House snorted.

“And where’s the tumor, Einstein? Did I leave it in my other pants?”

“Some tumors may be too small to be detected in their early stages, especially ovarian teratomas—”

“Oh, right, because I’m sure all the victims had ovaries,” House interrupted, his sarcasm evident.

Reid was unfazed.

“Autoimmune encephalitis may also be associated with thymomas or lung carcinomas.”

House tilted his head, assessing him with more interest than he cared to admit.

“How old did you say you were?”

“Twenty-eight.”

House gave a short laugh. There was something like approval on his face, as if you’d brought him a tribute and he was happy with it.

“Medical specialty?”

“I’m not a doctor.”

“Uh-huh, sure. Cardiologist? Neurologist? No, wait—infectious disease specialist with a Sherlock Holmes complex?”

“I’m not a doctor,” he repeated, as if he hadn’t heard him the first time.

House hated being treated like an idiot, and, to be honest, you were enjoying the situation a little.

He frowned, that signature expression of his, and looked at your colleague again. “Then what the hell are you doing diagnosing?”

“I have PhDs in Chemistry, Mathematics, and Engineering. Also, specializations in Psychology and Sociology.”

“So, no medical degree, but you’re still correcting me.”

“I don’t need an MD to understand pathology, neuroscience, or toxicology,” he muttered nonchalantly, as if it were just another ordinary conversation.

You already liked Reid a lot, and after solving the case, you would make sure to buy him a few drinks just for the simple pleasure of infuriating the most cynical human being in the world.

“Tell me the truth, does the Bureau pay you well?”

“Excuse me?”

“Because I could give you a job here. Then I could fire those three idiots I have under my command, and you’d be enough to keep this department running. You’re more efficient, and while somewhat annoying, your answers are more grounded than theirs.”

“Don’t even think about it. Get your own genius.”

“You’re finally talking! For a moment there, I thought you were going to let your boyfriend do all the work.”

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. There was no need to inconvenience the poor boy.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Wow, what a waste,” House said with mock pity before turning his attention back to Reid. “Okay, smart-ass, let’s do another brainstorm. Neurotoxins in the environment? Maybe a rare fungus, something that affects the central nervous system and causes necrosis in other organs?”

Reid shook his head almost instantly.

“If it were an environmental toxin, we should have found traces in lung tissue or blood. We did extensive testing, and there’s no evidence of chronic exposure.”

“Okay, how about mitochondrial disease? A rare genetic mutation that only manifests under certain environmental conditions?”

“Unlikely. The progression is too rapid for a classic mitochondrial disease, and there’s no evidence of prior systemic failure.”

House pressed his lips together in approval.

“You were right from the start. I love this case; it’s like an intellectual prostitute to me, and that doesn’t happen very often.”

Although the tasteless joke didn’t amuse you, you were reassured because he had agreed. The pre-arranged conversation was proof enough for you that the case would be resolved in the best possible way; after all, you had two geniuses standing in front of you.

You looked at Reid with a slight smile, grateful that he’d been so punctual with the details and had sparked House’s curiosity. He, as sweet as ever, returned the expression.

“Tell me something, do you always rub your fingertips together before you speak?”

Reid blinked, confused, as you frowned. It was obvious House wasn’t talking to you.

“Sorry?”

House waved a hand.

“You’ve done it three times since you came in. A repetitive pattern. Do you also avoid prolonged eye contact and feel uncomfortable with loud sounds?”

Now it was Reid who frowned. Before you could say anything, your companion spoke:

“Are you implying that I have autism?”

House shrugged.

“Asperger’s, specifically. Although that’s not used anymore because it’s not right to separate the functionally from the non-functionally mentally ill, right?” he laughed to himself. “And I’m not insinuating anything, I’m just observing what you’re doing.”

“I’m not autistic.”

House tilted his head, looking at him almost like an exotic animal.

“Maybe you should get tested.”

Just then, when you were about to point out House’s clear traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder and Narcissism, the door opened and someone else entered the office.

“House, could you stop torturing the interns for a moment? I need your help—”

The voice cut off as soon as the newcomer saw you, and your heart gave a treacherous leap.

James Wilson stood in the doorway, his white coat neatly buttoned, holding a pair of folders. His expression was calm and patient, as if he was already used to House’s games.

In your youth, you had a ridiculous crush on him, back when you had to do some internships at the hospital and had the misfortune of ending up supervising House. That’s when you met him.

Wilson was the kind of man who exuded kindness and confidence, with a sharp yet approachable intelligence. Not like House, who enjoyed making others feel stupid, or Reid, who was simply brilliant without even trying.

It wasn’t one of those extreme, idealized loves, but it was enough to have followed some of his medical lectures with fascination, impressed by his intelligence, his empathy, his way of explaining things clearly. You admired the person he was, how he always looked out for you and became your lawyer when House was getting too unbearable.

And now he was standing before you, after years of that old crush being left in the past… Or at least, that’s what you thought.

Because the moment he said your name, your mind seemed to forget how to coordinate words.

“It’s been a long time! I heard you’re working for the FBI now, right?” he politely approached, and you jumped to your feet to take the hand he was offering. “Congratulations! I always knew you’d go far.”

“Huh, thanks, Doctor,” you murmured shyly. The others present could notice the change in your voice, your posture, even your expression.

“Oh, just call me Wilson. Otherwise, you make me feel like you’re my patient.”

“Then thank you, Wilson. How nice to see you again.”

The smile he gave you made you blush, and you unconsciously brought a hand to your hair, tucking it behind your ear. House, never one to miss a juicy opportunity, narrowed his eyes and then smiled wickedly.

“Oh, this is glorious.”

Wilson looked at him, confused.

“Did I miss something?”

“Yes, dear. Turns out you have a secret admirer,” House said, pointing at you with his cane. “How did I not notice this before?

You felt the heat rise up your neck to your face. Spencer, who had remained silent, watching the interaction, now looked at you with something close to surprise.

“House, what the hell are you talking about now?”

“She! Look at her when you arrived. She was insulting me a second before, and as soon as she saw you, she turned into a lovesick schoolgirl.”

“It’s called kindness. It’s hard to practice it with you because you tend to be a jerk who makes me insult you every chance I get.”

Your attempt to divert the subject was useless because, once House got something stuck in his head, it was hard for him to let it go.

“You know, I always hoped you’d like older men and thought I was the ideal candidate, but I see you already had someone else in mind.”

“Did you like Dr. Wilson?”

“No! I mean, I… I liked him, but not in that way. Besides, it’s irrelevant!” you exclaimed, annoyed by Reid’s sudden indiscretion. Sometimes he spoke without thinking.

House smiled with delight.

“Oh, that’s completely relevant. In fact, I think your medical case can wait. This is much more interesting.”

Wilson sighed in resignation and looked at his friend, deciding it was time to intervene.

“House, will you stop bothering her? It’s not her fault that no one wants to treat you with human decency because of your behavior.”

You avoided looking at Wilson at all costs. You knew that as soon as your eyes met his, you’d blush, and that would only give House more reason to be a nuisance.

“For God’s sake, can we talk about the case again?”

House let out a laugh you never, ever imagined coming from him. He was ecstatic about what was happening, completely amused.

“Don’t you want Reid to know that his coworker had romantic dreams about the most smarmy oncologist in the hospital?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, a study from the University at Albany found that nearly a third of young women report having been attracted to authority figures like teachers, doctors, or supervisors at some point. It’s a well-documented phenomenon linked to perceptions of competence, security, and emotional maturity—”

“Reid,” you hissed. You swore you could die of embarrassment any second. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry.”

House ignored the comments and leaned toward you.

“Tell me the truth, did you dream of being diagnosed with a terminal illness just so you could spend more time with him?”

“House,” Wilson exclaimed, his tone now stern. There was a second of silence before he continued, “Don’t bother her. Just admit that you’re trying to humiliate her because you’re jealous that your pretty assistant had a crush on me instead of you.”

You immediately raised your head, staring at him directly. There was amusement on his face, and you tried not to burst out laughing—not knowing if you were doing it out of embarrassment, to deny the accusations, or out of genuine amusement.

House looked offended, and even Spencer held back a chuckle. He didn’t want to make fun of you because you were his friend, and there were feelings involved, at least on his part, but he found it endearing to see you so flustered by the situation. Besides, it was hilarious to think of a young woman’s pupils dilating in the oncologist’s presence. He hadn’t pictured you as that kind of person.

“I’m Spencer Reid, by the way. I haven’t introduced myself.”

Your partner’s unwelcome intrusion, in an attempt to lighten the tension, made Wilson burst out laughing.

“James Wilson. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

You knew he was truly committed to protecting what little dignity you had left when he shook Reid’s hand—because you knew how terrified he was of physical contact with strangers.

When you looked at House, waiting for him to offer you a truce, he waggled his eyebrows up and down, like a provocative little boy. No one was surprised when you gave him the middle finger.

“Are you going to help us or not?”

House tilted his head, clearly enjoying the spectacle.

“Hmm, I will. Only because now you’ll owe me a favor, and since I know about Wilson, I doubt you’ll refuse to do it.”

Wilson sighed.

“You’re hopeless.”

“You know me well. What did you want to ask me, by the way? Everyone seems to need me these days.”

“Nothing urgent, I can wait,” he murmured. Then he looked at you. “Unlike House, I do have work to do in my department, so I’m leaving. It’s nice to see you again. If you need anything, you know where to find me.”

“Same here. Although I hope we don’t have to call on each other’s services anytime soon.”

He laughed at your joke. Almost as if he wanted to test your limits, he leaned closer and, in addition to shaking your hand, planted a goodbye kiss on your cheek.

House (surprisingly) had the good sense to wait until his friend left the office before he started making exaggerated kissing noises—completely childish, if they asked you.

That was the final straw. You grabbed a tennis ball lying around and threw it straight at his chest: a ruthless and deliberate shot.

“Hey! Didn’t anyone teach you not to hit cripples?”

“And be thankful it wasn’t in the leg,” you exclaimed disdainfully. “Now move your handicapped ass outside. We need to go, and I’ll drag you to the car if necessary.”

“Now I see why you’re not her boyfriend,” he muttered as he stood up, rolling his eyes in Reid’s direction. “She’s just as crazy as my boss, and no one sleeps with that woman.”

You maintained your composure until he limped out the door, clearly pleased with the mess he had made. Once you were alone, Spencer cautiously approached you, testing the waters to avoid triggering your anger.

“That was… interesting.”

“Reid, I swear if you tell the team, not even all the love I have for you will stop me from punching you in the face. And it would be a shame to ruin your best attribute.”

“Hey, don’t take it out on me. I was just an unfortunate listener in this mess.”

“I’m serious.”

“Understood, ma’am,” he said slightly mockingly, raising both hands in a show of sincerity. The two of you then headed for the exit, following House.

There was silence for a stretch of the hallway until, just before reaching the elevator, he decided to speak again.

“But you did like him?”

God knows how you looked at him to make him laugh nervously, half amused and half worried.

“Don’t tempt me, Reid.”

“It was just a question!” he murmured innocently. The elevator doors closed in front of you once you stood next to the man with the cane. “Though, to be honest, I wouldn’t blame him if he had feelings for you. You’re so smart and pretty, it would be silly not to.”

You looked back at him, but this time there was a certain surprise and delight in your expression. Spencer, afraid of your answer, just stared at you with those huge doe eyes.

“Shut up, please,” you laughed.

With that, you leaned against him, defeated, and he allowed himself to give you a sweet hug as if he wanted to console you for the painful scene you had just experienced.

The rest of the case wasn’t any easier to deal with House, but at least you had the company of your own genius to make it more bearable.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #dr spencer reid #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid imagine #house md #dr house #gregory house #james wilson #hugh laurie #robert sean leonard #james wilson x reader

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librarygarten · 4 months ago

Note

I actually have some more ideas for scenarios regarding isekai reader, if you don't mind answering them.

Imagine telling the Chain that your favorite saga isn't The legend of Zelda, but another Nintendo series, like Mario.

Wind: So how does it feel to meet your favorite heroes from your favorite game series, cool huh?

Isekai: Oh, well Meeting you is great and all, but you're not my favorite series, actually, heh.

Chain: w h a t

Isekai: Yeah, so Nintendo's most popular series is called Super Mario and i LOVE their games, they're my all time favorite and-

Isekai reader reader proceeded to ramble about Mario and his games.

All of them are going to be so offended lol. What do you mean they're not your favorite!? What's this plumber have that they don't? >:[

“So, tell us, Y/N, what’s it like finally meeting your favorite video game heroes?” Warriors has a sly grin plastered across his face.

“Huh?” You’re caught off-guard by the question. So off-guard, that you don’t have time to censor the next words out of your mouth. “You guys aren’t my favorite video games.”

“WHAT!?” Wild gasps from halfway across the camp. Turning to look towards him, you notice the entire chain seems to suddenly be focusing on your’s and Warriors’ conversation, although some are better at hiding it than others. Time at least has the decency to look away, but based on the not-so-subtle glances he keeps making in your direction, you can tell he’s still listening.

“What do you mean we’re not your favorite!?” Wind sounds half-offended, half-heartbroken at the news. “I thought you loved playing my games.”

“Ah, I do,” you smile nervously. “It’s just that I like other games better, you know?”

“What could be better than our games?” Legend fiddles with the rings on his fingers, trying to pretend not to care. He’s not very convincing. “I thought you said some of mine were so popular they got made multiple times?”

“Yeah,” you agree hesitantly, “but those aren’t even my favorite Legend of Zelda Games.” Legend’s eye twitches at your confession, but he remains silent.

“So what games do you like?” Hyrule asks.

“Probably Mario,” you light up at the chance to talk about your favorite game. “He’s kind of like you guys, in that most of the games involve saving a princess.”

“Oh, so he’s a hero like us,” Sky nods. It would make sense if you liked their games that you would like other similar games.

“Err, no. He’s a plumber,” you chuckle nervously.

“A plumber?” Four raises an eyebrow. “As in the guys that fix pipes?”

You nod.

“So what makes him better than us?” Twilight blushes at his own question. Apparently, he had not meant that to come out. Still, he seems to be eagerly awaiting your response.

Was he jealous?

Looking again at the boys, they all seem invested in what you’re about to say next.

“Uhh,” your tongue feels heavy in your mouth as you try to respond. What were you supposed to say? That you liked jumping from platform to platform, stepping on turtles, more than you liked solving dungeon puzzles? That your ideal character was a mushroom wearing a mining headlamp? “I don’t know? Mario games feel a lot less lonely, I guess?”

“Lonely?” Time seems puzzled. Ah, so he was done pretending not to eavesdrop and had actually decided to join the conversation.

“Yeah. Most of them have multiplayer, so my siblings and I could each play a different character and we could beat the level together,” you smile at the memory. Many lazy summer afternoons had been spent yelling at the screen with your siblings, scolding each other for falling off a platform only to fall off the same one moments later.

“Wait, but I thought my games were multiplayer?” Four points to himself, confused.

“Dude, yours do not count.”

“Aw :(”

#linked universe #linked universe x reader #linked universe + reader #linked universe x isekai!reader #lu legend #lu wild #lu x isekai!reader #lu time #lu warriors #lu wind #lu four #lu x reader #lu sky #lu chain #lu twilight #lu hyrule

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slashire · 2 months ago

Note

PLEASE MAKE A PART 2 TO ONE HELL OF A HEADACHE 🙏🙏😭😭 it was so good and sadly there aren’t a lot of black butler fics 😣

here it is. :)

part one part three part four

one hell of a headache pt two

Summary: through insults and arguments, you and Sebastian both had one thing in common. You both regret falling for one another.

Sebastian Michaelis x fem!reader

Genre: comedy, romance

WC: 2422

It started like a splinter. You noticed it only when it began to ache.

Sebastian had entered the drawing room with the usual theatricality, crisp as cut glass, smirking like a cat in a room full of birds. He handed you the morning paper and said something smug about the state of politics, and you, as always, gave him a reply sharp enough to file knives on.

But something had changed. You'd seen it in the way his eyes lingered on your face a moment too long, not in admiration, but as if studying a contradiction he couldn't solve. You didn't like it.. You didn't like the flicker of curiosity in his gaze that went deeper than usual, like he was trying to trace the edge of something he wasn't supposed to find interesting.

You threw the paper at him.

He caught it without blinking. “I'll assume that means you agree.”

“I assume you have nothing better to do than loiter like a morally conflicted shadow.”

“I am your shadow,” he said mildly, “as your contract dictates.”

You stood abruptly. “Then I suggest you vanish like one when I turn the light on.”

He smirked. “And miss this delightful conversation? Unthinkable.”

That was the problem. Lately, these conversations had begun to feel less like battles and more like dances, steps you both knew by heart. Every insult exchanged with the precision of clockwork, every narrowed glare matched by a crooked smile. And instead of exhausting you, it was beginning to…amuse you. That was the part that stung.

You weren't supposed to enjoy sparring with a demon.

You weren't supposed to start wondering what it meant when he stood too close or when his voice dipped low, like he was speaking to you and no one else in the world.

The realization hit you at dinner one evening, when you insulted his taste in wine pairing and he responded with a comment about your fashion sense that should have drawn blood, but instead, it made you smirk. Worse, he saw the smirk. Noticed it. And smiled back, for real.

You nearly choked on your soup.

He arched an eyebrow. “Too rich for your taste?”

“Too smug for mine,” you snapped. “Wipe that smile off your face before I do it with a bread knife.”

“I imagine you'd miss,” he said, folding some napkins. “You usually do.”

“I never miss. You dodge.”

“And yet I'm the one on the receiving end of your attention every hour of the day.”

You stilled. So did he.

He had crossed a line-not in word, but in implication.

And you hated that your heartbeat reacted like he’d touched you.

The next morning, the insults came quicker, crueler. You were vicious with your commentary. You called him an over-polished corpse with a god complex. Said his suits looked like they were stitched by blind bats. You mocked his hair, his voice, his posture, anything to keep the distance intact.

He gave as good as he got. Said your handwriting resembled a chicken's last confession. Called your sarcasm a 'defense mechanism barely dressed as wit.’ Accused you of being emotionally constipated.

You retaliated by shoving a teacup across the table and yelling, “Well, you look like a funeral that learned how to speak.”

He didn't even blink. “And you sound like regret in a corset.”

That one hit a little too hard.

You didn't speak to him for a full hour.

By the third day, the household staff started avoiding the main hallway altogether. The air between you had become so dense with tension that even the candlesticks seemed nervous. Tanaka blinked at the two of you once and went back to sipping tea with the serenity of a monk.

Finny asked if you and Sebastian were ‘playing a game.’

You replied, “Yes. It's called Who Snaps First.”

And yet…there were moments. Quiet, traitorous moments.

Like when you burned your hand on a lantern wick and Sebastian was there with cool cloth and muttering something in Latin under his breath. You were too stunned to insult him.

Or when he caught you shivering during a storm and wordlessly placed his coat over your shoulders. You let it stay. He didn't mention it. Neither did you.

You thought the worst moment would be the one where he let you fall asleep in the library and carried you to bed without waking you. But no. The worst moment was the one that came later.

The night he stood outside your door, hand half-raised, not knocking.

You saw him through the cracked opening.

He looked…undecided.

That was what terrified you the most.

Because Sebastian Michaelis never hesitated.

He opened his mouth, maybe to speak, maybe to retreat, and you slammed the door in his face. Then immediately cursed yourself, because you wanted to know what he'd been about to say.

The next morning, he served your tea like nothing had happened. And you insulted him harder than ever.

“I'd rather drink sewer water than your pity blend,” you snapped, snatching the cup.

He tilted his head. “And yet you drink it every day. Curious.”

“You're lucky I haven't replaced you with Grell.”

“Ah yes, because chaos, murder, and flamboyant shrieking would really elevate the household ambience.”

“At least he wouldn't stare at me like he's planning my autopsy.”

His expression didn't change, but his voice dropped slightly. “I'd never plan it. I'd improvise.”

You nearly flung the teacup. He caught your wrist before you could.

And for a second, the war stopped.

His fingers were cool, firm. His eyes-those inhuman, infernal eyes- met yours without amusement, without mockery.

You hated the silence that bloomed there.

You hated how familiar it felt.

You pulled your hand back sharply. “You're getting sloppy, demon.”

He nodded once. “And you're getting afraid.”

The rage that flared inside you was a relief. It was a weapon you understood.

“I'm not afraid of you,” you hissed.

“No,” he said softly. “You're afraid of what you're starting to feel.”

You shoved past him. “Get out of my sight.”

He didn't move. Just whispered as you stormed away, “As you wish…my Lady.”

It wasn't until you were in your room, door locked, heart pounding for no reason you were willing to name, that you admitted something horrifying.

You had fallen for him.

Worse, he knew.

And he regretted it too.

Because the next morning, he insulted your intelligence so eloquently it made Bardwin spit tea into a vase. You called him a walking corset mannequin and accused him of having the personality of polished granite.

The insults were crueler now. They sliced deeper. They were meant to protect, to rebuild the walls that were cracking under the weight of something dangerously human.

Neither of you dared to touch the truth again.

But every glance was loaded. Every argument, a near-confession.

And the war continued, not because you hated each other.

But because you knew what would happen if either of you stopped fighting.

The assignment had seemed straightforward on paper, escorting Ciel to investigate a string of disappearances near the coast, workers vanishing from a newly acquired shipping yard. Strange circumstances. Stranger witnesses.

You weren't officially part of the operation, but Ciel had insisted. “Someone needs to keep Sebastian from turning the investigation into a theatrical production,” he said.

You had glared. Sebastian had smiled. “Oh, I wouldn't dream of dramatics.”

Ciel had snorted. “I was talking to Y/N.”

The air reeked of salt, old fish, and gunpowder. The warehouse floor groaned beneath your boots with every cautious step, thick with dust and damp rot. Your coat clung to you, soaked at the hem from the rain outside, and your patience- already hanging by a thread thanks to your assigned company- had officially rotted through.

“This is a trap,” you muttered, low and sharp as your eyes scanned the broken rafters above. “A blatant, stupid trap.”

“I thought you enjoyed excitement,” came the too-smooth reply from behind you. “Perhaps if you focused more on the investigation and less on complaining, we'd be done by now.”

You whipped around. His gloved hands tucked behind his back like a smug painting come to life, was watching you with that same infuriating, unreadable half-smile. His coat, of course, was immaculate despite the rain. Not a single strand of hair dared to move out of place.

You sneered. “I would focus if i didn't have a hell-born stalker breathing down my neck every five seconds.”

He took a slow, silent step closer, his smile sharpening. “Forgive me. I was under the impression my presence was required to keep you alive.”

“You're required because Ciel said so. Not because I need you.”

He tilted his head, as if examining a fly under glass. “You keep saying that. Yet here you are-still breathing.”

“And somehow still enduring your voice,” you snapped.

“A miracle indeed.”

A crack split the air, gunfire, loud and close. Instinct tore through you both. You dove behind a stack of rustled crates, him vanishing into shadow like smoke. Another shot followed. Then a third. You ducked, cursed under your breath, and scanned the high beams. Shadows moved too fast above. At least three assailants. Armed. Human. Possibly hired.

Boots struck wood near your position and, before you could react, a hand gripped your shoulder and yanked you roughly into a narrow crawl space between support beams. You opened your mouth to protest, to rage, to call him every foul name you'd ever invented, but he shoved you against the inner wall and pressed himself against you, pinning you there. One hand splayed beside your head. The other locked your waist in place.

“Don't move,” he breathed. His voice was close. Too close. Right beside your ear, a warm whisper against your temple. You could feel the tension in him, every muscle strung tight beneath fine cloth. His coat brushed your knees. His chest pressed flush against yours. His scent, tea leaves and fire and something darker, filled your head.

“I said dont move,” he repeated.

“I heard you,” you spat. “Get. Off.”

“Would you rather be shot?”

“I'd rather be shot than suffocated by your pompous presence.”

He chuckled, the sound too low for comfort. “You say that, and yet your heart is racing.”

Your eyes narrowed to slits. “Because I'm considering murder.”

“And here I was thinking it was the thrill of my proximity.”

You jerked forward, only for him to push you harder into the wall. Your breath caught. Your hands were trapped between you and him, fists curled in his lapel out of necessity and rage.

“I hate you,” you said through your teeth.

“I've always admired your commitment to honesty,” he replied, voice still maddeningly calm.

“You're a plague in a suit.”

“And you're a storm in heels.”

“You’re smug, arrogant, over polished-”

“And you're aggravating, reckless, and absurdly stubborn.”

You scowled. “You're getting awfully bold for a servant.”

He leaned in until your noses almost touched. “And you're getting awfully heated for someone who claims not to care.”

That did it.

Your mouth crashed into his without warning, less a kiss and more an act of open warfare. His surprise lasted all of half a second before he responded in kind, lips meeting yours with equal force, equal fury. The kiss was bruising, angry, the culmination of every insult, every taunt, every lingering stare that lasted just a second too long.

He kissed like he fought, with precision and heat and zero hesitation. Your hands rose, tangled in his coat, yanking him forward as your back slammed harder into the wall. His teeth grazed your lower lip. You bit his in return. His grip tightened on your waist, his other hand tangling in your hair. A low, frustrated sound escaped him, a sound you'd never heard before and didn't want to admit sent heat straight through your veins.

It was messy. It was furious. And it was everything you'd been pretending not to want.

You broke the kiss first, panting, furious with yourself, furious with him. He didn't move, just stared at you, face shadowed, lips red and parted. His eyes flicked over your expression like he was memorizing it, storing it away, locking it behind some door even he didn't like to open.

You shoved him. Hard.

“Don't you ever do that again,” you snapped.

He raised an eyebrow. “You initiated.”

“You were in the way.”

“Of your mission?”

“Of my sanity.”

He leaned back with infuriating composure, brushing imaginary dust off his lapel. “Apologies, my Lady. Next time, I'll allow the bullets to do the talking.”

“Next time, I'll throw you in front of them.”

“How chivalrous.”

“How convenient.”

There was blood on his lip, yours or his, you weren't sure, and you hated the way it looked good on him. Like a dangerous painting, half-ruined and still smug.

The next gunshot brought you both back to reality. You stormed off without another word, him gliding beside you silently, as if the last five minutes had not happened at all.

You cleared the warehouse in five minutes. The assailants, as it turned out. Were hired thugs, human, unremarkable, and now unconscious thanks to Sebastian's usual flair for excessive force. You didn't thank him. He didn't expect you to.

By the time the mission was complete and you returned to the manor, silence hung between you like fog. You didn't speak. He didn't speak. Even Ciel noticed something was off.

At dinner, Sebastian served you tea like always, graceful, expressionless, unshaken. You took it without looking at him.

“You're quiet tonight.” ciel observed.

“Must be the weather,” you said.

Sebastian smiled faintly. “A passing storm.”

You lifted your teacup, eyes fixed on the dark liquid.

“That didn't happen,” you muttered.

He inclined his head, just enough. “Of course not.”

And neither of you ever spoke of it again.

But from that night forward, the insults hit harder. They came quicker. The tension was a constant now, crackling beneath every word, woven into every glance. Because you had kissed him. Because he had kissed you back. Because you liked it, and you hated that more than anything.

And worse- he knew.

So, the war continued. Unspoken. Sharp as ever. No mercy. No forgiveness. Only teeth and fire and the constant, unbearable ache of everything left unsaid.

#sebastian michaelis #sebastian michaelis x reader #black butler sebastian #sebastian michaelis x you #black butler sebastian x reader #kuroshitsuji #black butler #fanfic

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tangibletechnomancy · 1 year ago

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The reason I took interest in AI as an art medium is that I've always been interested in experimenting with novel and unconventional art media - I started incorporating power tools into a lot of my physical processes younger than most people were even allowed to breathe near them, and I took to digital art like a duck to water when it was the big, relatively new, controversial thing too, so really this just seems like the logical next step. More than that, it's exciting - it's not every day that we just invent an entirely new never-before-seen art medium! I have always been one to go fucking wild for that shit.

Which is, ironically, a huge part of why I almost reflexively recoil at how it's used in the corporate world: because the world of business, particularly the entertainment industry, has what often seems like less than zero interest in appreciating it as a novel medium.

And I often wonder how much less that would be the case - and, by extension, how much less vitriolic the discussion around it would be, and how many fewer well-meaning people would be falling for reactionary mythologies about where exactly the problems lie - if it hadn't reached the point of...at least an illusion of commercial viability, at exactly the moment it did.

See, the groundwork was laid in 2020, back during covid lockdowns, when we saw a massive spike in people relying on TV, games, books, movies, etc. to compensate for the lack of outdoor, physical, social entertainment. This was, seemingly, wonderful for the whole industry - but under late-stage capitalism, it was as much of a curse as it was a gift. When industries are run by people whose sole brain process is "line-go-up", tiny factors like "we're not going to be in lockdown forever" don't matter. CEOs got dollar signs in their eyes. Shareholders demanded not only perpetual growth, but perpetual growth at this rate or better. Even though everyone with an ounce of common sense was screaming "this is an aberration, this is not sustainable" - it didn't matter. The business bros refused to believe it. This was their new normal, they were determined to prove -

And they, predictably, failed to prove it.

So now the business bros are in a pickle. They're beholden to the shareholders to do everything within their power to maintain the infinite growth they promised, in a world with finite resources. In fact, by precedent, they're beholden to this by law. Fiduciary duty has been interpreted in court to mean that, given the choice between offering a better product and ensuring maximum returns for shareholders, the latter MUST be a higher priority; reinvesting too much in the business instead of trying to make the share value increase as much as possible, as fast as possible, can result in a lawsuit - that a board member or CEO can lose, and have lost before - because it's not acting in the best interest of shareholders. If that unsustainable explosive growth was promised forever, all the more so.

And now, 2-3-4 years on, that impossibility hangs like a sword of Damocles over the heads of these media company CEOs. The market is fully saturated; the number of new potential customers left to onboard is negligible. Some companies began trying to "solve" this "problem" by violating consumer privacy and charging per household member, which (also predictably) backfired because those of us who live in reality and not statsland were not exactly thrilled about the concept of being told we couldn't watch TV with our own families. Shareholders are getting antsy, because their (however predictably impossible) infinite lockdown-level profits...aren't coming, and someone's gotta make up for that, right? So they had already started enshittifying, making excuses for layoffs, for cutting employee pay, for duty creep, for increasing crunch, for lean-staffing, for tightening turnarounds-

And that was when we got the first iterations of AI image generation that were actually somewhat useful for things like rapid first drafts, moodboards, and conceptualizing.

Lo! A savior! It might as well have been the digital messiah to the business bros, and their eyes turned back into dollar signs. More than that, they were being promised that this...both was, and wasn't art at the same time. It was good enough for their final product, or if not it would be within a year or two, but it required no skill whatsoever to make! Soon, you could fire ALL your creatives and just have Susan from accounting write your scripts and make your concept art with all the effort that it takes to get lunch from a Star Trek replicator!

This is every bit as much bullshit as the promise of infinite lockdown-level growth, of course, but with shareholders clamoring for the money they were recklessly promised, executives are looking for anything, even the slightest glimmer of a new possibility, that just might work as a life raft from this sinking ship.

So where are we now? Well, we're exiting the "fucking around" phase and entering "finding out". According to anecdotes I've read, companies are, allegedly, already hiring prompt engineers (or "prompters" - can't give them a job title that implies there's skill or thought involved, now can we, that just might imply they deserve enough money to survive!)...and most of them not only lack the skill to manually post-process their works, but don't even know how (or perhaps aren't given access) to fully use the software they specialize in, being blissfully unaware of (or perhaps not able/allowed to use) features such as inpainting or img2img. It has been observed many times that LLMs are being used to flood once-reputable information outlets with hallucinated garbage. I can verify - as can nearly everyone who was online in the aftermath of the Glasgow Willy Wonka Dashcon Experience - that the results are often outright comically bad.

To anyone who was paying attention to anything other than please-line-go-up-faster-please-line-go-please (or buying so heavily into reactionary mythologies about why AI can be dangerous in industry that they bought the tech companies' false promises too and just thought it was a bad thing), this was entirely predictable. Unfortunately for everyone in the blast radius, common sense has never been an executive's strong suit when so much money is on the line.

Much like CGI before it, what we have here is a whole new medium that is seldom being treated as a new medium with its own unique strengths, but more often being used as a replacement for more expensive labor, no matter how bad the result may be - nor, for that matter, how unjust it may be that the labor is so much cheaper.

And it's all because of timing. It's all because it came about in the perfect moment to look like a life raft in a moment of late-stage capitalist panic. Any port in a storm, after all - even if that port is a non-Euclidean labyrinth of soggy, rotten botshit garbage.

Any port in a storm, right? ...right?

All images generated using Simple Stable, under the Code of Ethics of Are We Art Yet?

#ai art #generated art #generated artwork #essays #about ai #worth a whole 'nother essay is how the tech side exists in a state that is both thriving and floundering at the same time #because the money theyre operating with is in schrodinger's box #at the same time it exists and it doesnt #theyre highly valued but usually operating at a loss #that is another MASSIVE can of worms and deserves its own deep dive

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yaseraphine · 7 months ago

Text

2024, the year I lost my crown.

Pluto in aquarius / Sun / Ego / Leo stellium / Ego death / Karma

I will say it loudly and proudly : In 2024, I entered my flop era (and it set me free)

This post will sum up the major lessons I learned this year through the prism of astrology.

INTRODUCTION - This post is a post I was looking forward to sharing for a while. 2024 seemed to have been a crazy year for a lot of people. Mine could be summed up by “emotional release” or the release of a karmic emotional cycle as well as connecting with my inner child. This year was charged with deep epiphanies about my childhood, which I realized I romanticized and erased key moments from my memory. Realizations came in waves always accompanied with the identification of intense deep seated insecurities and fears that stemmed from my childhood and the way I was nurtured. All of those intense and hidden emotions bubbling up to the surface together made this year really emotionnally charged with negative emotions. This eventually unwillingly forced me to neglect superficial aspects of life, such as appearance and charisma. I was slow, insecure, tired all the time, felt like sh*t all the time, lost drive. You could say that, basically, in chronically online terms, In 2024, I just entered my flop era.

This made me realize the extent of our society's obsession with glowing up, being the best version of ourselves at all times, pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone. Entering our so-called “bad bitch” era, focusing on self-care, being the best, having people admiring us, standing out, being that b, making people do a double take on us,etc... Most of our life is spent relentlessly trying to be unique, appearing at the top of our game. We always aspire and desire to appear and seem , but we never just are.

Capitalism has its ways of trapping us into a vicious cycle of superficial constant change and improvement. Like it creates new problems to solve for the mere goal of selling a new product to us, it creates a weird transactional and selfish sense of self, where we almost aspire to be alienated from the community and stand out.

I decided to share this post as a reminder, in the sea of “how to glow up in 2025” videos and posts, that, sometimes, divine timing has its ways and it prevents us from shining the way we want to. Not every year is a year to glow up, you cannot be at the top of your game all the time. Like during the reign of a Queen or King, your empire will have an apogee, but also a decline. Your power and influence over your empire will always fluctuate, and you will only get probably one period of apogee, followed by a pretty intense empire decline. Despite going through all of this, something will always remain and that is faith. The faith you have in yourself, in the future, maybe even in God or a Higher Power. The faith that is deep inside yourself and that guides and helps you to push through even if you’re at your lowest.

This issue behind this obsession with “glowing up”, and all the external validation that comes with it and avoiding “flopping” at all costs, is what led me to go insane and completely give up this year.

Start of college : a beautifully humbling experience

-> from the top grader to a “mid” grader, an average student

-> highly political place

-> Politicians and rulers : ruled by Leo BUT political parties, independent parties, ideology : ruled by Aquarius

-> I started to not only take interest in my own endeavors but also the country’s / humanity’s condition

-> I attended riots and protests multiple times, even during exams seasons

-> I assisted to GM’s hosted by students there to protect students’ rights but also for Gaza (GMs = General Meetings)

-> I read books about feminism, learned about communism and just politics in general

-> Unlearned a lot of myths surrounding the working class, rape culture, cultural appropriation, ..

-> Made new friends quite different from the ones I had in High school > anarchists, feminists, really woke people.

Why did all those changes occur ?

SR Chart of the year 2023-24 : North Node in the 11th house > letting go of ego and individuality to embrace community

Lilith in the 9th house transit : with all this new knowledge, I literally felt like my brain was being rewired. All the old thought patterns and life limiting beliefs I have been clinging to all chattered, bits per bits. Of course, I started that shadow work way before I got that Transit HOWEVER this transit did boost the process of getting rid of those limiting beliefs.

Gemini rising > my 7th house sign, my shadow, was my rising that year. I have to say the year prior to this year prepared me REALLY well to deal with it since, that year, I became friends and hung out with a bunch of people with gemini stelliums (i genuinely don't know how I survived tbh)

North node return -> events that pushed me to get out of my comfort zone

Chiron in the 9th house transit : my natural ability and talent to think abstractly got tested by this transit. The more theory I learned, the foggier my mind got. I kind of felt like the more times passed, the dumber I got. Which, I know, sounds crazy. But my comfort zone of having philosophical thoughts, disconnecting from my direct environment, this sagittarian hyper-independence (and ego..) became uncomfortable to embody and I felt a sense of loss every time I was ought to have abstract ideas and see the bigger picture. My natural intellectual talents “decreased” and I had no choice but to ask for help and interact with other students to understand certain concepts (so becoming the student even though it’s not comfortable to me). Along with my North node return in the 3rd house (my natal placement), this pushed me to trust other people’s knowledge and experience and learn from them. To show up daily, interact with people from all walks of life and not think to myself before doing so that “there is no point anyway to talk to them it’s useless/ a waste of time / we’re too different” or whatever bullshit excuses my ego would create to prevent myself from socialising

"Let them eat cake"

My obsessive desire to be perfect and to handle everything by myself got too far. I wanted to look my best every single day, but, by the second semester I just couldn't keep up. My timetable was heavier, my classes less interesting and even harder. But, what truly pushed me, or more so forced me to change, was my final exams results of the first semester. In high school, I did not have to study much to excel. To be a top grader, better than everyone else was easy for me, it was a routine. I was never surprised by my grades because I knew I topped as usual. However, going with this mentality/ belief for those exams was what slapped me right back to reality. My grades were bad. When I saw them, my heart shrinked, I was completely shocked. I did not expect much to be fair, but I thought it was going to be okay. Oh boy, it clearly WASN’T. And what made it worse was the people around me, who did not seem to take school as seriously, who consistently skipped classes, who cheated and lied for homework. These people, these people that I consistently judged as immoral, those people that I despised so much , THOSE, they got better grades than me. This made me go CRAZY. I cried for days on end, I couldn’t go to classes because of how badly I felt. This was the final straw for me : what is the point of being such a straight, invested person who came to classes even when I was sick, who always looked clean and hydrated. A perfect student with a perfect attitude. An independent student who helped her classmates. A perfect student who gets exploited by a system where cheaters and liars pass just as well, if not better, and get complimented as much. I realized how much pent up rage I had inside of me. I wasn’t just sad or disappointed, I was deeply disgusted.

Leo stellium, Sun in Cancer conjunct Saturn, Pluto and Chiron in the first house and 9th house south node : unrealistic standards, lack mindset, low self-confidence, strong ego , scared of being bad at something, of being the worst, self-loathing, “there is no point in doing that anyway” , “i am not like them anyway there’s no need for me to go to this event” :

As someone with a Leo stellium, I never realized how strict I was to myself. Only people around me could see it, but, because of how headstrong I am, I thought they just didn’t have enough standards. The thing is, I couldn’t see how perfect a lot of things in my life were because I was only fixated on what I lacked. I only focused on the defaults, the problems, the parts I wasn’t good enough in. And even the vocal and direct feedback of people wasn’t enough for me to believe I was just fine, maybe even great. And while I always focused on the parts I have failed in, I also had this unrealistic expectation that I needed to have a neutral, linear emotional life. In my head, it was like : I had a period/ period of emotional disturbances now I cannot have one again, or at least not as intense. It’s simply impossible. Now I used all my “jokers”, cards , I have no choice but to only go higher. This strange way of thinking was what made me only put positive/confident songs on my spotify playlists and avoid any songs that expressed “negative” emotions, outside of anger and rebellion. You could say it's a good thing in a way because I did my best to lift my head up. I knew how music affected my mood so I adapted my playlists accordingly. The thing is, whenever I was feeling anything other than confidence or anger, I did everything in my power to dismiss it. I obsessed over avoiding feeling low because in that state, no one will like me. People will see me in a vulnerable state and it’s too embarrassing. People have to admire me, compliment me, heck just like me at least. But if I’m not on top of my game, they will realize I am like them. I am part of the “plebs”. I have to be a queen, a princess, not a goddamn peasant! (really harsh wording, I know, but it felt like that looking back). I can’t. I just can’t. ... Unfortunately, trying to desesperately keep up with my reponsabilities as a Queen, not caring much for people as they were mere peasants who had nothing to do with me, is what led me right into my empire's decline.. Up in my fragile papermade castle, seating on my throne, I truly always felt so lonely...

The last straw : getting rid of the lion’s mane

I shaved my head. Crazy but I did. By myself. A monday afternoon, 3 days before halloween. Right in the middle of the sinister season of the Scorpio : I shaved my head. I shaved my long, luscious and golden curly hair. This mane that held all those limiting beliefs and toxic standards. My hair was my signature look, one of the first things people noticed about me. One of the first things people complimented me about. “Look at those beautiful curly hair ! I wish I had hair like you!” “They look so healthy omg!”. All this external validation was like a drug to me, therefore, I never DARED to even trim it. Yeah. Looking back, I was crazy for that.

Sr for the year 2024-25 + Pluto in Capricorn last turn around : my experience

SR Chart 2024-25 : Virgo rising with the chart ruler Mercury in Leo in the 12th house.

Pretty gloomy and bleak period. I was feeling quite depressed to be fully honest. I started the new school year with every symptoms of depression, exept the su*c*dal thoughts. I was slow, my body was heavier yet I lost weight. I moved slower, thought slower, slept more, was always tired, taking a shower, doing the dishes, eating and every other simple daily task was a burden, harder than usual. My solar leonine energy, my vitality all disappeared without me realizing it. I had low self confidence, didn’t get ready in the morning, and stopped feeling any sense of pleasure. I was empty, crying on the train to my campus. The last time I felt like this, it was in 2018, I was 13, depressed and entering the darkest phase of my Dark Night of the Soul.

Guess what, I am Not A Robot

You've been acting awful tough lately

Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately

But inside you're just a little baby, oh

It's okay to say you've got a weak spot

You don't always have to be on top

Better to be hated than loved, loved, loved

For what you're not

You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable

You are not a robot

You're lovable, so lovable

But you're just troubled

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

Once again, I had no other way but to ask for help. I went to see a doctor after years of avoiding it. I confessed a lot of things to my mom with whom I always had/have a really distant and tense relationship. Our conversations were really eye opening for the both of us. I went to see a therapist, and I am still looking for one. I didn’t have enough energy to attend class (I live 1h15/1H30 away from my campus.. so my 8 am classes were awful, especially since not attending is a risk to failing in that subject.. I was in a really problematic period.) But, I met a friend, an Aquarius sun and rising student who helped me throughout all of this. She was the contrary of me in many ways : really social, open and relied on other people. easily opened up to others. She didn’t have those perfectionistic obsessive thoughts. She trusted people, had a bunch of friends, and didn't overthink every single one of her interactions. She quickly became the air that tempered down my fire, which was burning myself out. My ego was killing me and my body (symptoms of depression) was warning me. I couldn’t control these feelings. I hadn't felt that depressed in a while. Like the type of depression that makes you stare at the wall in the morning, struggling to get out of bed.I thought it was behind me. I thought I was better than this. I thought “yes other people have depressions and struggle on a daily basis because of it and that’s okay but me ? I am over it. I had one at the beginning of my teenagehood. Now it can’t happen again, at least not actual depression.” But no, unfortunately for me, It did indeed happen. This showed me I was vulnerable, like every human being. I wasn’t immune to failing, to lose, to being bad, to being average, to needing help. I was simply a human being. I wasn’t a superior entity, a god flying above the rest of humanity. I was just like them. Was I considered a bit weird for liking astrology, tarot and for listening to kpop ? Was I considered a bit weird for having Halloween as my favourite holiday ? Was I a bit edgy and had a certain sensitivity to anything grotesque, deadly, macabre, taboo ? Yes, I was all of that. But I am still a human being. I am just like other people in many ways, and even if I have more quirks than the average person It shouldn’t stop me from socialising. I need people and people need me, and, honestly, that is totally fine. Connecting with others is beautiful. People are here to help each other and share their experiences. That is the most beautiful part of existence : everyday frivolous conversations with people, interacting with them, exchanging ideas, sharing our daily frustrations and struggles, laughing. All of that is the simplicity I never expected I needed so badly. On the quest of finding this truth, I went faraway in the abstract realm of ideas only to realize that this truth was right in front of me since the beginning.

Life really wasn't as complicated as I made it to be.

A song that sums up this overall energy

Fear and Loathing - MARINA : "I'm done with tryin' to have it all and endin' up with not much at all"

Marina called Fear and Loathing a turning point in her life, after which she stopped being a "bitter person" and began to work with new people and try new things, even though she wrote the song alone in her bedroom in London. She placed the track last on Electra Heart because she views it as a "letting go" song.

In this process of losing myself, I am gaining something precious and that is the construction of a true authentic self-confidence. Not one that is out of fear : out of fear of being perceived like a loser, a compulsive fear of being like my 12 year old self, a scared and terrified pre-teen who hated herself, from the way she looked to her personality and non-existent talents.

I am finally starting to cultivate something solid, something that comes from a deep sense of self.

[Verse 1]

I've lived a lot of different lives

Been different people many times

I live my life in bitterness

And fill my heart with emptiness

And now I see, I see it for the first time

There is no crime in being kind

Not everyone is out to screw you over

Maybe, yeah just maybe they just wanna get to know ya

And now the time is here

Baby, you don't have to live your life in fear

And the sky is clear, is clear of fear

[Chorus]

Don't wanna live in fear and loathing

I wanna feel like I am floating

Instead of constantly exploding

In fear and loathing

Albums that accompanied me during this period

Traumazine - Megan Thee Stallion

Something to Give Each Other - Troye Sivan

All year long, I was drawn to artists with an 8th house North Node. Lately, I’ve been drawn to slower, more sensual and jazzy songs, which isn’t something I listen to usually. Songs about intimacy, vulnerability.

-> both artists have a North Node in the 8th house, which is currently the energy I am encouraged to embody as it is the North Node of my solar return for the year 2024-25.

EDIT 030425 : Troye sivan doesn't have a north node in the 8th house

This north node is all about trust and intimacy, sharing oneself, the deepest parts of ourselves with others, sharing our resources, accepting loss and not compulsively clinging onto things, and possessions.

Just in the title of Troye Sivan’s album, this 8th house aspect is instantly identified : we have something to share, to give to others, to exchange with someone. It hints at an exclusive exchange between two people.

Something to Give Each Other hits especially now. Traumazine, it was more in February/March, which was the period I was starting to release things and started healing, feeling deeply angry and sad at the same. (around the astrological new year). Since September/October, especially now and for the next few months if not year, I have been feeling more like Something to Give Each Other. Now more than ever I am discovering the beauty of connecting with others, sharing my true self, throwing myself fully in the unknown nature of human relationships. All of those things , despite being a Pluto dominant and 8th houser, truly terrified me for years even though I obsessively and terribly craved it at the same time.

This album is my something to give you - a kiss on a dancefloor, a date turned into a weekend, a crush, a winter, a summer. Party after party, after party after after party. Heartbreak, freedom. Community, sisterhood, friendship. All that.

— Sivan describing the album

At the end of the day, we all have something to give to someone, and to give each other.

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curtsycream · 1 year ago

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hiiiii

i saw your requests are open

Can you do poly price x reader x simon where they all get into an argument (Reader is lonely while they're deployed, she's not getting on their case, just expressing it) and the boys get really defensive and take it a little too far, resulting in reader staying in the guest bedroom for the night bc she doesn't wanna cry in bed next to them. The boys come to their senses and realize they fucked up and there's make up sex? Lots of reassurance and whispers of how much they love you?

Feel free to ignore, just figured I'd pop in :)

Could You Understand?

John Price x F!Reader x Simon Riley

My first COD request I hope I did right. I’m still getting down their personalities and such in writing but it’s a fun challenge. Kinda base level smut. Ps. Would never ignore ❤️

warning: mentions of anxiety (described?), light stomach bulging (I mention it twice I have a problem), double penetration, not proofread at all

Confrontation was never a strong point for her, the idea of accidentally starting a conflict made her cautious with her words. Nibbling at her lower lip she adds the final dish to the washer before closing it. Turning it on she leans against the counter with folded arms. Many times has this feeling of loneliness crossed her mind. Whenever they were gone it was a constant reminder of the fear she felt. She always found herself holding back the words. But it was as if a dam finally broke and she couldn’t help but let them spill.

Making her way into the living room she wraps her arms around herself. It was a first defense similar to showing a dog that you’re not a threat. Her eyes fall onto the two men she loved with all of her being. They sat together with the television on but it was clear they weren’t entirely focused on it. They spoke in rushed tones as if forgetting the rule of leaving work at work. It wasn’t much but it was enough to ensure they wouldn’t dwell on work-related stuff.

Clearing her throat she realized just how hard it was to speak up. It was an odd feeling as she usually found herself talking without much of an issue. When they turned to look at her the words felt stuck, unable to claw their way out of her throat. “We need to talk,” she finally uttered. The words felt hard and cold when she said them.

John was the first to speak though the way his eyebrows creased seemed to verify his confusion. “About what, sweetheart?”

The gruffness of his voice was enough to make her hold the subject off. To instead crawl into his lap and give him a kiss or two. But she knew that wouldn’t solve anything let alone reassure her.

Simon on the other hand said nothing but his eyes were focused on her. And that was enough, it was always the simple things with him. His attention was always undivided, “well..I’ve been thinking a lot while you were both deployed. I just feel alone, you know? It terrifies me knowing you’re both out there and not knowing if that’s the mission that will end with me living my life without you. I—I’ve spent so many nights worried about how or if you’ll make it back to me. Maybe I’m just thinking too much on this but I can’t help but think that way. It’s like my brain won’t allow me to think positively. Like there’s this sense of impending doom when nothing bad is really happening,” she explained.

It was silent for a moment that is until Simon scoffed, the sound seemed to echo in her mind. “And you think it’s any easier on our end having to leave you here? It’s not a friendly thought knowing we’re miles away while you’re here by yourself,” his tone was defensive. It was as if he assumed her words were to evoke a change or start an argument.

“I’m not denying that Simon, I just get so worried that-”

“We understand that you get worried sweetheart, but we can’t change our profession. We spend just as many nights worrying about whether we’ll make it back or not. We have to live through that not you,” John spoke up.

Whether he meant to or not his words seemed to cut her deeper. It was as if her attempt at getting through to them was blocked off by their defense. “I know I don’t have to live through that, but it still worries me when you leave this house. I feel so helpless for lack of a better word when I know you’re miles away and I can’t help.”

Simon shook his head, “how would you even help? You can’t help, you can barely help yourself.”

His words were sharp like that of a knife willingly piercing her heart. Maybe that’s why it hurts more hearing words like that from someone you love.

“I’m not trying to argue with either of you, I wanted to get my point across,” she said simply.

“Then why even bring this up, you always dance around what you’re feeling. We’re not mind readers, there is only so much we can do when you won’t even say what you feel. It’s exhausting,” The words left John's mouth without much of a thought.

Opening her mouth she closes it, her eyes flashing with hurt from their words. “I know you’re both probably just tired from your mission and that’s why you’re acting like this. Just forget I said anything,” she tells them.

She had walked away quicker than she meant to not wanting to say another word to them. She knew deep down if she had she would have started crying.

Placing her hands on her chest she holds back the tears that are brimming in her eyes. She holds off until she makes it into their guest room upstairs. The second she closes the door she lets out a low sob. Sitting down on the bed she wraps her arms back around herself. It was a horrible feeling as if she’d been yelled at. Having people you love downplay your emotions when you finally speak upon them.

Lying down on the bed she curls up her arms still wrapped around her. It was as if she was protecting herself from what was already done. Sobs racking her body as she found no use in calming down.

It wasn’t until they made their way upstairs later into the night that they realized. Simon assumed she would be in bed, their bed. Yet the absence of her presence in the room was like a punch to the gut. His eyes found John’s in the darkness as they stood in the space.

They didn’t have to think before they made their way towards the guest room. The door ajar allowing John to slowly push it open. There she was in the middle of the guest bed curled up. She looked smaller than she should have as if closing in on herself.

John to a step forward which turned into a few then a few more before he was sitting on the bed beside her. His hand cupping her cheek, wet with tears, “Sweetheart..” The utterances of the pet name seemed to work as her eyes opened slowly. Groggy from crying so much as well as sleep she stared at him. It was easy to tell that was what she was doing in the darkness. The tears not yet split made that easy to notice.

With crossed arms, Simon makes his way over to him, “We shouldn’t have—I should have said those things to you.”

She seemed to perk up, it was a first for Simon to say something like that. Not that she expected him to do so often but it was refreshing. “It’s fi-“

“It’s not fine, the things we said to you were uncalled for. You didn’t deserve any of that especially when all you wanted to do was express your feelings. We took our frustration from the mission out on you,” John told her. His thumb caressed her cheek a touch she leaned into without hesitation.

“You do so much for us even when you don’t think you do. Most don’t expect to be greeted at home with a smile and a warm meal. You do everything you can to make sure we’re okay. It’s time we do the same,” Simon says.

Sitting up a bit she looks between the two men with a puzzled look. She didn’t catch on until she had John’s lips on her own. The smell of tobacco and pinewood was strong as she wrapped her arms around his neck. It was comforting yet sensual as she felt Ghost behind her. His lips feverishly trailing kisses along her neck and shoulders.

Her mind seemed to move slower than her actions which was evident when she found herself naked between them. Her hands rested on John’s chest as he lined himself up with her sopping-wet hole. Eager wouldn’t describe what she was feeling especially when he finally thrusted into her. He was always attentive and careful at first, “how’s that feel, sweetheart?”

The words didn’t come but a simple nod followed by a moan was enough for him. Resting his hands on her hips he set a slow and steady pace. One that seemed to draw on the moans leaving her body. “Still so tight for me,” he grunted against her warm skin.

The gentle touch along her spine was enough to remind her of Simon’s presence. The way he was looking down at her caused her to squeeze around John’s cock. A swear left the older man’s lips due to the feeling. Keeping her eyes on Simon she spoke up, “want to feel you both..”

It was new territory something she hadn’t done before. But she wanted to be closer to them in a way soft touches wouldn’t do. “Are you sure, lovie?”

She nodded her head right away at Simon’s words as he seemed to be silently communicating with John. Looking between them she waited for an answer as John continued to thrust in and out of her.

“Okay.”

That was all Simon needed to say before she leaned against John. Her arms were around his neck while her fingers curled around the hair at the base of his neck. Simon held her hip as he pumped himself in his hand before lining himself up with her stuffed hole. It was already a tight fit with John’s cock inside. Willing himself forward he groaned when his cock began to slide inside of her pussy.

Digging her nails into John’s back she muffled her noises on his shoulder. “That’s it sweetheart, such a good girl wanting to take both of us.”

John’s words seemed to calm her down as she felt him pull out some to allow Simon room to fit. She wasn’t fully prepared when she felt both of them inside of her. Neither of them moved, letting her adjust to the new feeling. Resting her hand on her stomach she moved it a bit lower feeling the bulge there. The subtle reminder of just how big John was in girth.

“Oh—please move..” her voice was a gasp barely above a whisper. She had never felt so full before, but oh did it feel perfectly right. Moving his hands up to cup her breasts Simon thrusted into her. At the same time, John pulled out before slamming himself back in.

Groaning from the feeling of John’s cock rubbing against his own as her pussy squeezed them tightly left Simon on edge. “Feels so good,” he breathed the words out.

Her mouth opened letting out a flurry of moans as their paces varied. While John was moving steadily, Simon’s pace was almost erratic. “Fuck—just like that,” she begged no one in particular.

Yet her words seemed to set both men off as they moved in tandem. Their pace seeming to match both went faster pistoning their cocks in and out of her. “So good for us lovie, always so good for us.”

The words of affection caused her to whimper before she felt his lips on hers. The kiss was dragged out and slow only fueled by John’s lips on her throat. The light prickles of his beard on her skin were comforting in a way. “You’re so beautiful, sweetheart. Always so caring and sweet for the both of us,” John’s voice vibrated against her soft skin.

She knew she wouldn’t last long from their affectionate words to their unyielding thrusts. Breaking the kiss between herself and Simon she whines, “So close, please.”

“Please what, lovie?”

The teasing tone he took on made her clench around their cocks. The action caused both men to groan as their cocks rubbed against her gummy walls. “Please let me cum, I’ll be good..”

“You’re always good, sweetheart,” John assured.

“Go ahead, lovie.”

She didn’t need to hear more as her eyes screwed shut. Her mind felt fuzzy as the warmth in her lower stomach began to spread. Gripping John’s shoulders she let out a cry as she came around their cocks with a tremble. However, they didn’t stop not yet at least as they were chasing their highs. To her, it felt like minutes but it only took seconds before they reached their own. Gripping her hips firmly John thrusted his hips up before releasing inside of her. Simon wasn’t too far behind as his cum mixed with that of John’s and hers.

Sighing breathlessly she shifted her eyes to the bulge in her stomach she had forgotten about. She could still see the outline of John’s cock against her lower stomach. But it didn’t last long as she felt both men pull out of her. Leaning back on Simon she watched as John left the room. Her eyes were concentrated on his back before they trailed to Simon.

“Lovie I-“

Shaking her head she leans up her lips pressed against his shoulder. “I’m fine, I guess I just worry a lot when you’re both not here. It’s scary to think something can happen on a mission and I wouldn’t know for a while until the mission ends.”

Simon noticed how shaky her voice was as if the thought of them getting hurt lingered in her mind. Placing his hands on her cheeks he leaned forward until his nose was touching hers. “It is scary, I couldn’t imagine having to stay home and wait for us to return. But I can promise you this, with everything in us we will always try our hardest to get back home to you. That’s how much you mean to us,” his words melted into her mind.

Keeping her eyes focused on his own she nodded her head, “I know you guys will. You always do and I’m grateful for that.”

“And we’re grateful for you,” John chimed in as he walked back into the room. He went straight to her using the towel in his hand to clean her up before pressing a kiss to her stomach. “We will always be grateful for you, I couldn’t picture myself loving anyone else besides the two of you.”

It was comforting to hear words like that from the men she loved. “I love you,” she said her words directed to both men. Pulling her close Simon kisses her forehead as he lays behind her. In front of her was John who also delivered a kiss to her forehead. “I love you too, sweetheart. Don’t be afraid to tell us when you’re worried or scared. We promise to think before we speak,” John’s words reassured her.

The same way that Simon’s touch did as his thumb rubbed her hip. “I love you, now get some sleep it’s almost four in the morning.”

That was all it took before she was closing her eyes allowing the feeling of both men beside her to lull her to sleep. She felt safe and protected between them, no longer as fearful as she was before.

#poly!reader #x reader #fluff #poly fanfic #cod 141 #cod smut #cod x reader #john price #price x reader #ghost cod #simon riley x reader #john price x reader #simon riley smut #john price smut #ghost smut #captain price smut #poly 141

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igotanidea · 9 months ago

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Batboys' love languages

Graphic is from pinterest and YES it has little to do with the story but YES I had to use it.

Dick.

Sweet, golden-boy, emotional Dick. His love language is definitely touch. Brushing hand over yours, by accident? Yes. Fixing your scarf for you? Absolutely. Putting strand of hair out of your forehead? Sure thing.

This one won’t miss a single opportunity to let you know he’s near and that he loves you by almost putting a warm blanket of affection all over you. (and that time when he tucked you into a giant burrito while movie nights just so you won’t get cold is definitely that).

His second, I believe would be acts of service.

I mean – he’s wanted and needed by literally everyone, starting from family through friends, all the way to the exes that may as well count as friends too. (totally not making you jealous). He cannot spend as much time with you as he’d wish to and acts of service is his way of trying to make up for it.

***

Jason.

Wonderful, misunderstood, resurrected Jason with issues. Acts of service is definitely his thing. What other way to show someone you like them if not by small (or grand) gestures, especially when you are so bad with words, right? So when you come home to clean dishes and fixed showerhead despite leaving it all on the to-do list you know he’s into you.

This one will just do everything without a single word and without the need to be appreciated for it, though those chocolate chip cookies you like to make are so delicious.

On the deeper stages of relationship his auxiliary would be touch. If he trusts you enough to snuggle into your side after a patrol or when his nightmares and anxiety are becoming too much – he is hooked. If he doesn’t care about you seeing his scars and bruises – you better make damn sure not to hurt him, cause I will come after you.

***

Tim.

Busy, sleep-deprived, running on caffeine Tim.

Did I mention busy?

Therefore, my conclusion – quality time.

In his language, the best way to show acceptance towards someone is letting him into his thing. Sitting in the batcave watching him crack codes and break cases? He’s your guy. Allowing you to throw some mellow hints on how something can be solved? Most people would end up with a pencil sticking out of their eyeball, but not you. He actually considers your opinion. (even if rarely using it but still – one day you’ll prove him).

His second would be acts of service, but reversed. He would accept you making him nutritious meals and dragging him to bed for a proper rest. Scoffing, huffing and throwing comments about how he can take care of himself (spoiler alert – he can’t), but again – still doing it. One step at a time people, one step at a time.

***

Damian.

Raised an assassin, poor on social skills, vehement Damian.

He takes a lot after his father and with combined directiveness and awkwardness on understanding on humans he cannot have developed much of a love language.

But – flowers are nice. And it seems like girls like flowers, if he observed his mother’s secret garden properly. So even if his sense in botany might use a little work (like maybe try telling him that a predatory sundew is not the best gift choice) he’s trying.

Second, surprisingly, I see him as a words-of-affection guy. He may not be saying sweet nothings freely if at all, but after a moment of growing closer, he’ll definitely be your number one hyper. Just imagine, stressing about some shit and Damian, with his calm voice going all like I believe in you, even if that belief may be followed by katana use, but that’s a story for another day.

#dick grayson x reader #nightwing x reader #jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #tim drake x reader #red robin x reader #damian wayne x reader #robin x reader #batboys x reader

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housemdork · 2 months ago

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house md rewatch: 1x06, "the socratic method"

can someone help me figure out why this episode includes house's birthday?

re: my question above, i'm struggling a little with pinpointing the goal of this episode. they don't have to be tied up neatly every time, but the message seems both disparate and weak. here's what i'm working with:

motherhood via the patient, named lucy, and her son (with retrospective knowledge that chase is so affected by lucy because of his own mother).

the filial experience via house's birthday and chase and house's especially strong interests in the case.

introducing psychosomatic pain (loosely) through house relating to lucy.

each of these themes evolves into larger conflicts/plot points in the future, so i guess we could treat this episode as a stepping-stone. it makes sense that after 5 definitive episodes, we need a transition moment or 2. it makes me very excited to hear more from chase about his childhood, more than anything.

two conversations bear highlighting, i think: between house and lucy about no one believing her, and between house and cameron about his birthday. first up! ->

everyone pokes fun at house for being so taken by lucy, insisting that he only cares because she has been diagnosed (wrongly!) with schizophrenia. even though his attention is overbearing and rude at times, house gives lucy a lot more care than the rest of the team, and in their first conversation (above), there's a softness in his eyes that we haven't seen much of before. when she says "no one believes me" in a moment of clarity, he's quick to reply with "i do."

while chase brushes off house's obsession with lucy as him liking "crazy people" because "they're not boring" (thanks, 2000s tv), house is actually relating to lucy. she's trying to explain that her diagnosis is wrong, that the medication her son is (innocently) giving her are not working, and that she feels trapped. as a stepping-stone episode, this sets up the idea of house's "real"* vs. psychosomatic pain very well. in the future, cuddy and wilson are especially insistent that house's leg pain is mostly emotionally-driven, therefore making it less legitimate. in lucy's case, her doctors insist her illness is in her head, locked away and untouchable. solving this puzzle is extra vindicating for house because he sees his own strife in it.

*i don't mean to say that any chronic pain is real or not real based on its cause/source, just using house md lingo.

moving on - like i said, the house birthday thing is bugging me, but that cameron is the one to introduce it to the episode gives strong insights into where her character is going.

(she's so pretty, i can't handle it)

if nothing else, cameron being so insistent on house's birthday, and that it's "an excuse to be happy." having been one to already worry about house's misery (from last episode), it looks like cameron has embarked on her quest to Fix House. yet the audience, just like cameron, has no clue how deep house's potential misery goes at this point, but since he has at least 2 people who care enough to tell him happy birthday (or nearly do; cuddy throwing out his birthday card after he was such a jerk made me sad), and turns them both away, this social debacle also shows us that house is maladjusted of his own accord. truly, he didn't need to be such a grinch.

despite my english degrees, i don't have much to say about the yeats poem that lucy's son, luke, reads to her. if anyone has any thoughts and insights on that detail, please share!

and my last remarks are about wilson, who doesn't do much of anything this episode apart from look pretty and actually practice oncology! on screen! while also committing medical malpractice by injecting lucy with ethanol to shrink her tumor just because house asked him to :') i also found the visual black/white synergy between house and wilson to be extra prominent this episode, but i can't think of a certain reason why it was more pronounced in 1x06.

if anyone really likes this episode, i would love to have my horizons broadened about it lol. i thought the patient story was very touching, and luke's performance (actor's name is aaron himelstein) was amazing. i just think it was missing some of the substance that carried its predecessors.

#but never fear! wilson will always be there to Look Hot!#house md #malpractice md #greg house #james wilson #allison cameron #eric foreman #robert chase #lisa cuddy #cameron #foreman #chase #cuddy #house md rewatch #rewatch 1 #season 1

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author-a-holmes · 2 months ago

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Hi, you mentioned having some resources for people considering Indie publishing? I would love to know more!

Hi! Yes!

So you mentioned not having a big budget, which was discouraging you from going the indie route, and I did a metric tonne of research before publishing Changeling, and came across a handful of really good, free resources so thought I could pass some along in case it's helpful!

The only thing I don't have a good, free, replacement for is an editor I'm afraid, but a robust series of self edits could work well, or possibly a kickstarter for the editing costs? Something to look into maybe.

If you do decide to run a kickstarter to cover your editing costs, I'd highly recommend the Facebook Group "Kickstarter for Authors", loads and loads of free advice can be found in there, but that's all I can really suggest since I've not run one myself.

When it comes to preparing a book for publication, however, I have a couple of helpful free or low-cost resources.

is Reedsy Book Formatter. Now, Reedsy recently updated their platform and pricing, so I just (24th May 2025) went in and checked if their formatter was still free to use. It is! You have to make a Reedsy account, or login with a Facebook or Gmail account. Additionally, there's lots of buttons suggesting their "paid features", which makes sense. However the formatter, and the ability to download your formatted manuscript either as a PDF (for Print Books aka Paperback or Hardcover) or an EPub (Ebooks) is still a free function. The only 'catch' to the Reedsy formatter is that, on the bottom of the Copyright Page, they will input something like "Formatted with Reedsy Free Formatter" or something along those lines. I don't remember exactly. I was on a bit of an ego trip when I was researching my debut novel, so that was a No-go for me and I saved up and paid for Atticus to format my books, but that's NOT budget friendly and runs about $147, but I digress. Once you HAVE a formatted Book File — and if it's a PDF for Paperback, you know how many pages your book will be, then next expense is going to be a Cover. You can make your own book cover, but unless you're (A) A graphic Designer and (B) have your thumb on the pulse of the book cover market in your genre, I wouldn't recommend it. What I would recommend is...

Getcover Design Services. Getcovers are a professional design company based in Ukraine, and they designed the cover for my Reader Magnet "Whatever Happened to Madeline Hail?" and my debut novel, "Changeling" (I'll put pictures of the covers below.) Getcovers has a sister company called Miblart, which charges a closer-to-market-average for their design services, although still cheaper than many designers. I have NO PROOF of the following statement, but I suspect the designers at Getcovers are new with the company, and being trained up, before they're moved over to Miblart. Again, I have no proof of this, it's only a suspicion on my part. And that's NOT to say I have any complaints over Getcovers quality. What I would say is that, being based in Ukraine, somethings a little bit of back and forth is required before the designer understands what you're looking for. (In one particularly memorable moment, I ended up doing a mockup in MSPaint, and that seemed to solve ALL communication issues lol) But, on the flip side, all of Getcovers cover design packages come with unlimited revisions, so as long as you have a bit of patience, they're well worth it. Which brings me to cost. Getcovers isn't free, of course, but in my humble opinion they might as well be. Getcovers will design an Ebook Only Cover for $10. They will design an Ebook & Paperback Cover for $20. They have a premium service, for detailed covers, which is a Ebook & Paperback for $35. If you want a Hardcover Design added on, that's an additional $10. It's not free, but you cannot buy a PREMADE cover for that price. It's a little bit insane. Getcovers over other design services as well, such as author branding (My author branding was developed by them as well), marketing materials, and merchandise design, but again, I digress.

Finally, uploading your files. You have self edited as best you can, you've formatted your book, and you have your cover files. Now, all that's left to do is upload the book for sale somewhere. This is, honestly, the easiest part. Draft2Digital is a free platform to upload your books. They are a distributor, which means they take a small cut of your royalties for doing all the labour of sending your book out to a dozen other storefronts, but for ease of use, and time saved, it's a negligable amount (10% if I remember correctly). KDP or Kindle Direct Publishing is basically Amazon. You CANNOT have more than ONE KDP account, so if you're not sure if you've made a KDP account before, I'd reach out to customer service and check if you have a KDP account linked to your Amazon account. They'll be happy to let you know if that's the case, before you try making a new account and end up in hot water. But, essentially, it's also free to upload your book to KDP. When it comes to your EBook on KDP you have a choice between exclusive and wide. If you want to upload your Ebook to other platforms like Draft2digital, you CANNOT put your Ebook into Kindle Unlimited (aka KU). This is because Amazon requires exclusive rights to your book, so if it's uploaded anywhere else, they'll kick up a fuss. I've never had my books in KU, I prefer to keep Changeling widely available so take this next part with a pinch of salt, but I THINK KU is a 90day rolling contract. So you can have your book in KU for 90 days, and then choose to go wide. It's more difficult to be Wide, and THEN go KU, because you have to pull your book from all storefronts and make sure it's not available anywhere before putting it back into KU. The only "Cost" of publishing on KDP is if you decide to have a paperback or hardcover book, and want them to print a physical proof copy. This is a recommended step to make sure the files all uploaded correctly, however it's not a requirement. And if you do decide to print a proof, it's not too expensive. I think Changeling, which is a 5.5x8.5 trim, 399 pages, usually costs me less than $12 If you decide to publish Wide, and no Exclusive to Amazon, then other storefronts I recommend uploading to directly, instead of through Draft2Digital are Barnes & Noble, Googlebooks, and Kobo. Itch.io is also free to upload to, and is beginning to pick up steam with Ebooks! You can also turn on tips, so people can choose to pay you more than the book price is set to. The only 'Downside' to Itch.io is that is has a minimum withdrawl cost, which I THINK is $10 before you can have it paid out to your paypal account. Again, I'm pulling those numbers from memory, so I might be off a little. But, essentially, you can publish an Ebook for as little as $10, and a paperback for as little as... what... $45? Tops? I know that's still a handful of cash, but it's much, much, more reasonable than initial research suggests when you start looking into it <3 I hope ANY of this helped!!

EDIT!! I forgot to add the covers for "Whatever Happened To Madeline Hail?" and "Changeling" for examples of Getcovers work!!

Whatever Happened To Madeline Hail is the reader magnet for my newsletter, so I only really needed an Ebook Cover. I could have just spent $10 on this, but I want to offer it as a paperback once the main trilogy is complete, so I decided to go for the full package $35. Mainly because I was VERY new and didn't know how many stock images the designer would need to bring my vision to life. In hindsight, and for future reader magnets, I'll probably settle with the $20 option.

Changeling is the cover of my debut novel, and I've lost count of how many compliments I've gotten for it. I chose the $35 bracket for this cover design, and I actually ordered the entire trilogy all at once, so I also have books 2 and 3 covers matching.

Since Changeling is available in Paperback and Hardcover, I paid an additional $10 for the Hardcover version, the picture below is the full wrap for the paperback...

And for Xmas my Dad gave me the extra I needed for Getcovers to make custom Title Pages based on the cover design. I don't have a picture of that immediately to hand, as they're on my laptop, but a screenshot from inside of my ebook file looks like...

#Writeblr #Publishing #Shoestring Publishing #Publishing on a Budget #Low Cost Publishing #Self Publishing #Indie Publishing #Writeblr Community #Writing #Writing Community #Publishing Resources #Writing Resources #Cover Designers #Graphic Designers

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miwiheroes · 2 months ago

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Day 37: Lightning Flashes

(so starting my analysis posts again has been a long time coming but im no longer titling it doing it every other day until s5 becauseeeee uh its just so much pressure so im doing it whenever i want bc thats much less embarrassing... also i'll still be updating my google slides with these posts)

So there is much, much to unpack about the love monologue scene so I'll be breaking it down in approx. 4 different posts. An establishing thing to know about this scene is that the monologue was never meant to feel like a totally positive thing for every character. From the beginning end of the season, the viewer is supposed to want the same thing as El -- for Mike to tell El that he loves her. However, I think by the love monologue, by the time that he actually does the thing that he wants: the viewer is no longer supposed to feel totally satisfied.

This is in keeping with the theme at the end of Season 4 -- they did not win against Vecna this time. And it's not just an unhappy ending for Max, Lucas, everyone in Hawkins, it's also an unhappy ending for Will, Mike and El. Well, I wouldn't say totally unhappy, but it's definitely not a successful ending for anybody, which is supposed to be a tonal shift after the endings of the other seasons which are all very "everything is solved and seems okay but there's still more to be done."

So: The writers need to try to make it seem less like a satisfying ending that the viewer is supposed to want. Instead, it has a slightly darker tone as a result of Will's feelings, the fact Will's feelings are fuelling the monologue, El's arc and of course the cinematography.

This is the moment after Mike says I love you:

With a lightning flash placed right at that moment (may I remind you, that this is all intentionally placed and there is absolutely no chance this is a coincidence, hello??) the viewer is supposed to be led to believe that this isn't the satisfying culmination of their story that had been expected beforehand. El's face does not look shocked, even.

I never expected her to look happy especially when she's literally tied up like this, but looking upset/ pensive throughout pretty much the whole monologue while there are lightning flashes, and the vines continue to tighten around her neck. They only begin to rescind after she looks over at Max, and when Mike reminds her to fight.

That, paired with the lightning, this confirms without even needing to hear what Mike has to say that this isn't supposed to be satisfying or relieving. This isn't supposed to be a romantic, intimate moment. Lightning doesn't do anything but forebode something dangerous. Having it as a background noise during a love monologue is a choice by itself, but having it ring loud and clear straight after Mike saying that he loves her - it's almost like the lightning is begging for the audience to recognise that this is a bad thing for both El and Mike.

Will telling Mike to say these words were a mistake - a misbelief and a self-sacrifice that was taken too far and ultimately will lead to more harm in the future.

I will talk more about other people being in the shots of Mike in my next post, as there is much to say about that - but I want to quickly compare the 'intimacy' from the monologue in S4 and the intimacy in Mike's monologue from S2.

Season 4: Lightning continues to flash, there is a lot going on with El being tied up and the red lighting, and while Mike is the obvious focal point of the shots, Will and Jonathan are cut back to, reminding you of their presence in the scene.

Season 2: There is no other sound other than Mike's talking and Will's breathing, the lighting is extremely stark to cause a sense of tension and urgency that Mike feels, no other characters are in shot or cut back to despite being in the shed. Will is in danger but his facial expression is still soft.

So for anyone that even tries to tell me that the love monologue completely trumps Byler probably needs to rewatch to get rid of their delusions because this is definitely not supposed to be a happy ending, it is not supposed to be satisfying in the least. I honestly don't think anyone was satisfied back in 2022 watching this unless they had the bias of already being a mileven fan from before S4. There were obviously other factors that go into this feeling of unsatisfaction in this ending, but the lighting and the non-intimacy feeling of this scene is super telling.

#WE ARE SO BACK #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #byler endgame #byler nation #byler evidence #byler proof #stranger things #miwiheroes daily byler

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keysnocar · 4 months ago

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we repost just so i can move his etching

@ghotstx HERE im sorry for clickbaiting you here :)

Also I can’t make this up, I literally mixed up ur username w another person so..welcome.? Haha

@ghostbny

Anyway, I'm FINALLY getting time to add to my TF Prime Numbers AU, starting with a little Orion ref/doodle sheet. This mostly helps me get to know what kind of character I'd like this version of him to be. (and ngl the plot has been whooping me idk what's happening or why sometimes :() )

This is Orion! Or, as the other bots know him,"37." (I’ll explain it later gng)

Here, he’s been with the autobots for around four vorns, (since he was just over 13 vorns old.)

His Weapon isn't the familiar star saber or Zeta Prime's Axe. This choice involves his 'childhood', as does his design. I kept his lovable boxyness (well i love it) but made him less detailed, with less armor in general- though specifically around the joints. This is mostly because I wanted him to be a smaller bot, with an emphasis on his agility and flexibility, rather than being a heavy hitter. (at least in his youth.)

The Matrix also has a bit of change in its functionality, use, and importance to the plot.

Both of which I'll expand on in a separate post.

DON'T BE MISTAKEN by my choices in drawing him, he's never without the face mask unless alone.

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The little doodles I have of him are more so to solidify his personality while he's this age range, but this is dependent on what’s going on around him as well. His age has proven to complicate some of my plot, but since he’d bonded with the Matrix at 13, it made sense to me that he’d been gradually reformatted in that short span of time between that and joining the autobots by the Matrix . So he appears much older. (I’ll explain it later gang Ik it’s weird but its important hshgjfhd)

Since taking up residence in the main Autobot Outpost on Cybertron, Orion, or "37" works mostly in solo reconnaissance, scouting territories, or pathfinding for small teams on other kinds of missions. When on base. He focuses on compiling the small amount of data the Autobot faction has managed to gather or receive on any prominent threats.

He ‘moved in’ with the Autobots around an earth year after the ‘ Fall of Gold.’ (as many bots had not-so-fondly begun calling it.) This event being the night that Decepticon forces raided, and then destroyed the large informational hubs of Iacon. This included but was not limited to the Senate Hall, Multiple high class Universities, and the Records tower. To many this marked the true beginning of the war- as the attack and largely successful destruction of such a profound city solidified the danger of the rapidly growing Decepticon movement. After Iacon fell, the other strongholds of the planet have been slow, but surely following.

In his free time, he’s always reading, thinking, filing, sorting, polishing, solving- 'doing' something. there isn't a spare second he's not busying his mind, or if he can't at least manage that, his servos.

Orion is not social in the SLIGHTEST with new bots. (this being all of his Autobot peers) It 100% creeps everyone else out when he attempts to be. (he's got these large, piercing, non-emotive optics that seem to stare past and yet into anyone who's got his attention- and WOW is it an alarming, unreadable, gaze to be caught in if you don't know him well.)

The rare moment or two he does find himself in a conversation about something other than strategy or information he'd gathered- others find his conversation.. lacking at most. It's not that he isn't interested, not at all. It's more so that any personal information he dares to give away may end up doing more harm to his goals among the autobots than good. It sure is a lot easier to keep your origins to yourself, if everyone's too intimidated or put off to speak with you.

It's mostly because of this, that he prefers quietly watching and taking things in, over putting himself into a conversation. It's simply how he's accustomed to and has been taught how to function. Observing and compiling, interpreting and mimicking.

(That being said he is still a ‘teenager’ so it sort of sucks trying to keep himself isolated.)

His more reclusive behavior tends to keep other bots from bothering him. His quietly observant posture and constantly active tendencies often leave the others assuming he's got no time for- or interest in talking.

He sees all of this as a good thing, the first few vorns of living with the bots, as he’s committed to putting all of his focus on figuring out this weird matrix thing. More importantly, keeping the fact that it forced its way onto his spark and won’t come off- a secret. (Not to mention he can’t afford to be distracted by bots he doesn’t entirely trust.)

But considering Commander Magnus and Medical Officer Ratchet have already been looking at him as if trying to remember something they’d once known- he might not be able to make that last.

…let's hope no one puts the pieces together on where he came from before he can figure out how to explain it.

Admittedly, this style has a different feel than the ones I'm accustomed to creating in- and trying to keep the characters to a consistent level of both simplistic and shapey is already proving to be a fun challenge. I’ve been working on this idea for a while, and I have a lot of other little details or broad stories to fill in. PLEASE I can talk and brainstorm about this all day. I've already got a google doc and MAD plotholes.

(Vorn = 83ish earth years, which I use interchangeably with an earth year for easier understanding, because of the long lifespans.)

#transformers #transformers g1 #optimus #orion pax #transformers au #new au idea #prime numbers #optimus prime #digital art #artists on tumblr #fanart #Maybe fan comic soon i hope #prime numbers au

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yarameijer · 4 months ago

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Raimon GO Trio: Growth

So I was busy answering an ask for AR, and then realized I got super carried away with it and didn’t really answer the ask anymore. Yet I’m also having too much fun with this particular analysis, so I decided to make it a separate post!

The ask was originally about Raimon GO Trio headcanons, and moments in which Original Raimon Trio saw themselves in the GO Trio. Anyway, things happened, and… oops?

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The relationship of the GO trio is one based on growth, I think.

To start, I need to talk about the original trio. Endou, Kidou and Gouenji have always had a friendship based on equality and mutual respect. They were equals from very early on in the anime, if not the start, I think (it’s been a long time since I watched it so I’m a little skewed on the details). Kidou and Gouenji were both established as phenomenal soccer players from the start. Endou was not, but he was the captain and that gave him a certain, status, I suppose might be the word, as well. The three of them have always had this sense of equality to me that the GO trio lacked for a very long time.

As for mutual respect; Kidou started on a different side, but he has very clearly been impressed by Gouenji’s skills since before the first episode even started, specifically challenging Raimon to draw him out and face him in a match, and he was relatively neutral to Endou but eventually started to respect him even while they were rivals. With the exception of the first two, three, episodes, Gouenji has always had a friendly relationship with Endou and (as far as I can remember) never fought his authority as captain, and he’s had a friendly relationship with Kidou basically from the moment he joined the team. Despite some hostility at the start, Kidou and Gouenji have always deferred to Endou’s position as captain. And I think we all know Endou’s opinion. There were some bumps in the road but the three of them have always held mutual respect for one another, and their friendship has always had that respect and equality as its basis.

Shindou, Tsurugi and Tenma are very different.

From day one they were hostile to one another and that lasted for a very long time, and unlike the original trio they didn't even respect each other to balance it out. Shindou and Tsurugi considered each other enemies and just had a general bad opinion of the other; Tsurugi was cruel and sort of crazy, to be honest, and saw both Shindou and Tenma as an enemy, although Shindou was probably the bigger threat in his eyes (now I'm thinking, despite the Gouenji-Tsurugi parallels, it's also possible to compare Tsurugi and Kidou as they were both originally antagonists, but Kidou never seemed as bitter as Tsurugi to me (it's been a long time since I watched the originals, so I could be wrong)). Shindou seemed very self-absorbed in the sense that he took all the weight on his own shoulders, like he thought that he was responsible for everything and needed to solve all problems primarily alone. Tsurugi was a Seed and his enemy and Tenma a troublemaker and distraction.

Tenma here would be the exception, but that didn't matter because originally Tenma held the weakest position. New to a team, good at dribbling but horrible at everything else, younger than Shindou (which, especially with Japan's focus on age differences, really doesn't help the equality thing) and generally discarded by both Tsurugi and Shindou. Sure, he respected Shindou and he didn’t have the same hostility towards Tsurugi as many others, but it didn’t matter because he barely had a voice on the team. Sure, he talked a lot, and I mean a lot, but people didn’t listen.

The three of them were a mess no matter how you look at it. You couldn’t even refer to them as ‘the three of them’ because they had nothing in common, no relationship to speak of.

As we all know that eventually changed, and it kept changing. Tenma got through to Shindou, Shindou started treating Tenma, if not as a friend, at least as an underclassman - as someone he had a responsibility towards to care for. Tsurugi became a tentative ally to Raimon, and they had to put up with him, and eventually he switched sides completely (still kept to himself a lot though). Tenma gained more confidence in his place on the team. They struggled, they fought together, they had to encourage each other and that builds bonds. To be honest, I don't know when these three became friends, I'd have to rewatch the anime for that, but I think it took a while even after they initially set aside their differences. Even during the last match of season 1, Tsurugi still refers to Tenma as ‘’Matsukaze’’ in his head.

(Another fun thing that makes them less compatible compared to the original trio - their positions. Endou, goalkeeper; Kidou, midfielder; Gouenji, forward. Defense, bridge, offense. They’re spread out equally over the field. The GO trio, though, consists of one forward and two midfielders; mismatched.)

Anyway, their relationship is constantly evolving. From enemies, to (tentative) allies, to sort of friends. I mean, there’s an obstacle simply in the fact that Shindou is older and therefore put in the ‘senpai’ role (seriously, don’t underestimate how important age differences are in Japan). Then there’s Tsurugi being a pretty quiet individual. They might be on friendly terms, even call one another friends, but they wouldn’t be good friends.

Tenma’s and Shindou’s relationship in season 1, to me, never really seemed like friendship. Tenma very obviously respects Shindou and depends on him and thinks he’s great, but he also sort of puts Shindou on a pedestal. Shindou seems, eventually, very fond of Tenma, and to be honest I think Shindou is actually the one to call him a friend first; less of an age barrier for him, and Tenma is a bit too shy to declare his captain a friend first (seriously, it’s easy to forget but especially at the start of the anime, Tenma is very shy). But especially as long as the barrier of Tenma putting Shindou on a pedestal exists, they can’t really be friends in the deeper sense of the word.

Tsurugi and Tenma, on the other hand, have learnt to work together and depend on one another by the end of season 1. It’s not very pronounced but it’s obvious (especially when they use Fire Tornado Double Drive) how much Tsurugi really depends on Tenma (and accepts that!), while Tenma is just super friendly and nice towards Tsurugi. At some point these two became friends, but gosh don’t ask me when. (I want to add here: we see clearly in season 1 how much Tsurugi depends on Tenma, and while we don’t see that sentiment returned, I do believe it already exists at that point; at the very least, Tenma’s reaction to Tsurugi’s kidnapping in season 3 speaks volumes.)

I haven’t mentioned the friendship between Shindou and Tsurugi much before, but that’s because they’re really hard to pin down. The one thing that stands out to me is how great of a team they are together, even, or maybe especially, without Tenma. We don’t see the two of them interacting as much as we see either of them interacting with Tenma, but what interactions they do have often occur during matches - I can’t really pinpoint any examples but to me it’s always felt like there was no real need for them to talk so much. Tsurugi goes along with Shindou’s strategies always without ever asking for explanation; he’s got a healthy respect for Shindou’s mind, I think, and seems very good at picking up clues from him. Which, to Shindou, probably makes him the perfect ‘’pawn’’ in his strategies, since Tsurugi is 1) a real ace of the team and 2) really good at responding to him instinctively. They’re very quiet together, and a very good team. They didn’t respect each other at the start, but once they saw eye-to-eye? Hell yeah, and I think that defines them for the entire series. Shindou never treats Tsurugi like an underclassmen, not like he does Tenma. When did these two become friends? I don’t think even they know - actually, I think they might not have been friends if Tenma hadn’t been there to be the bridge between them, but when it actually happened? No clue.

Anyway! Then there’s the next big change: Tenma becomes captain.

It always stood out to me that Tenma didn’t stop calling Shindou ‘captain’ until Chrono Stone. I always wondered why Tenma was still captain in Chrono Stone, since Shindou was out of the hospital at that point and they never discussed the - what initially seemed like a temporary - captain switch in the anime. I mentioned in an earlier post that I headcanon that this switch happened because Shindou insisted on it, because Shindou didn't want to be captain and felt Tenma was better suited to the role. This conversation would've taken place somewhere between season 1 and 2, or potentially somewhere in the first episodes of season 2. That's also why Tenma switches from calling him ‘captain’ to ‘Shindou-senpai’, and that's the start of the newest change in their relationship. It quite literally forces Tenma into being on more equal footing as Shindou, as captain to former captain. Obviously this switch is gradual, as we see him doubting himself quite a lot in Chrono Stone and growing into the position as the season goes on.

Now I have to wonder how Tenma and Tsurugi's dynamic would've changed in response to Tenma becoming captain. I actually imagine that Tsurugi had a very easy time with it; he’d been following Tenma’s lead quite a lot in season 1 already.

Finally, season 3. It starts out pretty great, actually - their teamwork is great. One thing of note is that Tenma, at least, switched to calling Shindou ‘Shindou-san’ somewhere between season 2 and 3, I'm not certain about Tsurugi - he doesn't often call Shindou by name but I think he already called him that? Or switches multiple times? - but it shows that Tenma is much more comfortable with Shindou than before. At least, until the start of their disagreement over the Inazuma Japan team.

Season 3. Damn, what a ride.

I mean, I’m sure everyone remembers Shindou and Tenma in this. Pretty hard to forget, really. Shindou’s angry, frustrated, incredibly emotional and basically seems to revert back to how he was at the start of season 1. He seems to be taking it all out on Tenma and Ibuki; which while not fair is at least understandable. Tenma’s constantly disagreeing with him, someone Shindou believes should have the same opinion as him, whereas Ibuki keeps on challenging him.

The funny thing is, this doesn’t affect their teamwork at all.

In the first episodes, it’s Tsurugi, Shindou and Tenma basically doing all the work during the matches, and it is their incredible teamwork that gets the team through the first stages of an intergalactic championship, which, damn, is pretty impressive if you ask me. They’re arguing but still in sync, and I love that. The three of them have always been a great combo when playing soccer, whereas outside of that they definitely weren’t - they’re perfectly balanced yet horridly incompatible. The contradiction is incredible with those three.

Something else I noticed is that, even after Tenma’s been captain for quite a while, he still follows Shindou’s orders without question, and Shindou still orders him around without hesitation. And yet Shindou doesn’t overstep; he’s very clearly not trying to be captain anymore, and in the instances Tenma thinks he’s wrong, Tenma is not afraid to disagree.

Tsurugi, during the early episodes of season 3, is really the eye of the storm. While Shindou seems to have a pretty short temper around Tenma, that’s not the case when he’s around Tsurugi, and there’s multiple instances where he asks for Tsurugi’s opinion. At the same time, Tsurugi doesn’t make it any harder for Tenma, either; he really stays out of it. Lmao he basically saw Tenma and Shindou fighting and went ‘’oh hell no I don’t want any part of this’’, so he’s really the neutral ground between them (and then he gets kidnapped pretty quickly, sooo…).

Of course everything gets turned upside down when they find out about the whole alien thing, and though Shindou doesn’t argue with Tenma anymore, he does put a lot on his shoulders.

He’s not wrong, per se, but way to put pressure on the kid! Which, fair, he is the captain, but Shindou, honey, c’mon. You know Tenma. You know how he’s gonna take this.

So yeah, I don’t think that Tenma at any moment in Galaxy beyond the first and last episode is actually happy. Even when he’s cheerful, he’s constantly trying to keep a team that’s falling apart at the seams together - do you see the parallels here with Shindou in season 1? - or gauging their mood, or dealing with internal conflicts, or arguing with Shindou (and to some degree Tsurugi), or dealing with the stress of being the captain that has to save the entirety of humankind. Even when he's laughing, there's no way he's able to let go of that fully, no way he can be carefree. Despite outward appearances, Tenma in season 3 is so fundamentally different from Tenma in season 1. There’s no freedom, no fun, no ‘wind of the revolution’ when that is exactly what his character has been about all along. He's restrained. He's pushed into a mold he doesn't fit into, by everything and everyone around him, and the ones who know him, who could've put a stop to this - they don't see it happening. An extra interesting detail is, Tenma rarely reaches out to his friends when it's about himself or his issues, it's only when they notice that something's wrong and confront him that he actually opens up. And Tenma, in season 3, has become a lot better at keeping up appearances - understandable, since the whole spiel is that he has to be the captain, has to keep everyone's spirits high, and he cannot allow them to see him hesitating and worrying. It's actually probably not a good thing that he learns that lesson, because it means it'll be even easier for him to smile and say he's fine and divert people away from the fact that he's struggling. And then to add to that, Tsurugi and Shindou, people he would usually depend on and let down the mask for, aren't there.

Y'see, in season 1, Tenma is never really alone - despite the rocky start, he’s got Shinsuke and Aoi. In season 2, he’s alone for a while before Fei comes and by the time Fei betrays him, he’s got Raimon with him again. In season 3, Tenma is cut off from Raimon, pushed away by Shindou and Tsurugi, not opening up to Aoi, surrounded by a team that expects things of him as captain that no one has before, and Tenma is alone. And he has to deal with that. Learn from it. Grow with it. Find himself again, and he does. And that is the growth Tenma goes through in season 3.

To be honest, all three of them have their own stories in Galaxy, kinda like in season 1 but whereas in season 1 it converges from separate places to the same path, in season 3 it’s the opposite - they come from the same story and then split up. Tenma with his learning how to stand alone; Shindou with letting go of his steadfast opinion; Tsurugi with, uh, getting kidnapped by aliens?

Not gonna lie, one of those three doesn’t quite feel the same as the others…

Seriously though, Tsurugi’s arc in Galaxy is a little less introspective than the others, I think. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe it’s about stepping up more? Previously he just went along with Raimon a lot. He’s a relatively quiet character and happy to leave the decisions and speeches to Shindou and Tenma - to be honest, in Chrono Stone when he was acting captain for one of the El Dorado/Raimon teams against the Second Stage Children, I was a bit startled before remembering that canonically, Tsurugi was captain previously. He never seemed to care much for the position. Like I said, he’s always followed along with Tenma, and he’s always been easy with following Shindou’s commands as well. But in season 3 that switches - he’s left alone, but it’s very different from Tenma’s situation. He’s becoming much more proactive in trying to convince Lalaya that her planet sucks, that she doesn’t need no man to be Queen, and most interestingly to me - the whole development with him becoming captain of Faram Dite. He steps up in a way he doesn’t really do in the rest of the anime.

To be honest, Tsurugi’s a hard character to pin down because he’s so quiet and composed most of the time. One thing about him, though, is that he’s got a major guilt complex. Just look at the whole situation with his brother, the fact that he blames himself has driven him for years before the anime even starts. It’s the reason he’s with Fifth Sector. After Tenma and Yuuichi give him that much needed reality check, Tsurugi backs down a lot and stays quiet. I think, and mind you this is all speculation - I think Tsurugi is afraid. Afraid of making choices, afraid of speaking up, of speaking his mind out loud. He follows Tenma, and Raimon’s, lead a lot, and while I think he does agree with them and doesn’t hesitate speak up after they already did so, I also think for a long while he would not be the first one to openly speak his mind. He’s been through a lot. He’s made mistakes, big mistakes (coughcough-joining Fifth Sector-coughcough) that you can’t blame him for considering the situation and the fact he was a literal kid when he joined Fifth Sector, but with what we’ve seen with his guilt complex with Yuuichi, who’s to say Tsurugi doesn’t blame himself? It’s like he needs the confirmation from Raimon that yes, this is the right choice, before he decides to speak up.

And in Galaxy, that changes. He’s left alone, no example to follow, dealing with a girl who’s even more afraid of making mistakes than he is, and for good reason. Lalaya has the lives of an entire planet on her shoulders, and she reaches out to Tsurugi because she has no faith in herself at all. Kind of like Tsurugi has no faith in himself either unless an outside source - Tenma, Yuuichi, Raimon - confirms it. Suddenly this girl is looking towards him for his approval on her decisions, same way he’s always done, and she doesn’t see what he does - that she doesn’t need it, that she can stand on her own. And Tsurugi committing to helping her, making that his priority rather than getting back to the Earth Eleven - and then, of course, switching sides and joining Faram Dite, knowing Earth Eleven won’t understand, Tenma won’t understand, won’t approve, and doing it anyway. For the first time in a long while, Tsurugi makes a choice because he believes it’s right, regardless of what anyone else thinks. That’s his character growth.

This already is eight pages, but now I’m committed, lol. Two down, one more to go!

Shindou Takuto. Honey, what a mess you are.

I could talk for ages about the impact that his rich kid life and likely demanding family would have on him. He’d be one of those ‘’piano lessons, Chinese lessons, fencing lessons’’ kids that get so much pressure put on his shoulders at a young age, to be perfect, to be worthy of the family name. I don’t think his family’s necessary neglectful or bad or anything! He gets to play soccer a lot, and it’s clearly because he likes it. But I do think that Shindou is an incredibly intelligent kid, and he’s always been pushed to perform the absolute best in whatever he does. It’s why he cracks under the pressure in season 1, when everything is falling apart around him, when the one thing he’s got for fun, because he loves it - soccer - becomes just as stressful, or even more so, as everything else in his life.

Season 3’s interesting, because from every damn side, Shindou is told he’s wrong.

A team of amateurs, when from basically his first appearance in season 1 it’s so damn obvious how much the Raimon team means to him. It’s a disgrace, not to him but to his friends, and Tenma - who should by all means agree with him completely - doesn’t seem to care. His plans are denied, his ideas are denied, except during matches. And these amateurs are just trampling over everything he believes in, everything his friends have worked so hard for, everything he holds so dear and hurt for and cried for and they don’t even have the grace to care. No wonder he hates them. No wonder he hates Ibuki, because Ibuki doesn’t understand a single thing about it but still has the gall to pretend he’s worthy of the position of keeper. Ibuki tries but not because he gives a damn about what Shindou believes in, but because of spite (I don’t actually think this about Ibuki lol, but I think Shindou would, I’m writing this from his perspective). The Inazuma Japan team spits on everything Shindou and his friends have fought and cried and bled for and he’s told to suck it up. No wonder he’s angry.

But, of course, things get a little better when they do start trying, for real, and keep trying. And then the whole hahaha-hey-you’re-actually-fighting-aliens thing gets revealed, and, well, new priorities and all that.

But still, Shindou’s stuck in his own head. Still dealing with a team he may or may not even like (don’t recall tbh). And at this point, Tenma’s retreated into his shell again (which, fair enough! Shindou hasn’t exactly been supportive and Tenma’s insecurities are acting up! There’s no way he’ll be the first to reach out again if he’s not sure it’s welcome - but Shindou, at this point, has missed all of Tenma’s angst because he’s keeping it quiet, so Shindou doesn’t know to reach out either! Which is also fair!! But they’re just in a continuous spiral at this point, rip) and Tsurugi is kidnapped by an alien queen like five episodes into the whole space adventure, which I’m gonna say is a fair reason not to have great communication at the moment. Also, honestly, both Tenma and Shindou not realizing something’s wrong with Tsurugi is a bit questionable but they both have so much going on in their own heads, plus the pressure of, y’know, trying not to get the earth destroyed, so I’m gonna give them a pass for this one.

Anyway. Shindou is put in a situation where things are, to him, completely spiraling out of control. He never wanted any of this - in fact, he probably was super excited for the international tournament, to just have fun for once and now the whole Grand Celesta Galaxy mess happens, poor kid. He has an idea of how things should be, within the team, at least, and he has such a hard time letting that go. He’s bad at adjusting. He’s not like Tenma. He doesn’t see the good in people as easily as Tenma does, he doesn’t adapt as easily as Tenma does (the wind is adaptable, haha) to this situation, doesn’t go, ‘’okay, I’ll make the best of this’’. He’s prideful, and used to, while not everything going his way, at least knowing his place, about having a certain image of the world around him, good or bad, and for once it doesn’t match up to his expectations at all, and he can’t change it, can only get through it. I’m very tired right now so I don’t think I can explain it very well, my words aren’t working (I’ll probably make a separate character analysis for Shindou at some point where I touch upon this again), but I think that Shindou is a person who needs some sort of control. His whole theme is music, being a music conductor, the strategist, calling the shots, and in Galaxy that’s taken away and he doesn’t know the stage, or the players and that might be similar in a way to Chrono Stone - but in Chrono Stone he still has the majority of his team, his support system, and in Galaxy he only has Tenma and Tsurugi and I just discussed why that whole thing isn’t working out. All he can do is get through it... alone.

Isn't it funny how that's a reoccurring theme with all of them?

Y’know, now I’m reminded of his Kami no Takuto hissatsu. How he directs the entire team like it’s a play or an orchestra. They do exactly what he wants them to and maybe that’s lulled him into a false sense of security. It might even go beyond that - his family demands perfectionism, tells him that if you just work hard enough, you can get everything, be everything, you want. That life will work how you want it to. But it doesn’t. He can’t strategize the entire world to his liking, and that’s okay.

And the fun part about all this? By the end of Galaxy, these three haven’t reconnected.

Oh, it certainly seems like it, because they concluded their own respective arcs. Tenma learns how to be captain and how to be true to himself. Tsurugi learns how to make his own choices and stop being afraid. Shindou learns to be patient and let go of his preconceived notions. They learn their lessons but they never talk about this. They grow, again, as they always do throughout the entire series, and rarely if ever do they talk about it, but why should they? They were together for the entire journey, right next to one another, so why should they tell each other what happened when they’ve all witnessed it?

Except in Galaxy they don’t. They weren’t on the same path. They’ve missed things, and now they’re, sort of, still assuming that the others will just understand because it always worked that way, right? So they don’t talk. And by the end of the season, they haven’t talked, despite the misunderstandings and the hurts. And oh, that’s an opportunity for angst I’m having so much fun exploring in my stories😈

Okay, I got like, so carried away with this. How did this turn into a character analysis for the Raimon GO Trio?? How did it get so long?? This was never the intention. To quote AR!Tenma…

Oops?

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lemotmo · 3 months ago

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All right 8x14 thoughts…

Now everyone keep in mind that this is just my personal opinion about the episode. There’s no right or wrong here, just subjective opinions. 🤗

I liked this episode a lot. I was at the edge of my seat the entire time. The episode was well structured and the stakes felt high. But to call it one of the best episodes of 911 ever? Not even close. The thing is, I wasn’t ‘moved’ by any of it. Normally I tend to cry over something every single episode, but this time I didn’t. There was not enough ‘heart’ in it somehow.

I liked the baby-storyline in the beginning and how Ravi doubted himself, with Buck helping him out. But it felt a little out of place in this episode. I get why they did it. They wanted to give Ravid his heroic moment at the end of the episode with the anti-virus. But it felt a little too on the nose for me.

I do love how they managed to sneak in a little Eddie mention when Buck told Ravi that no one is allowed to leave anymore. ❤️

Everyone is in danger right now. Chimney is dying from a virus. Hen has a collapsed lung, which can’t be good for her and Bobby and Ravi are stuck with them. The Army has no intention of rescuing them and no one can get out. So it’s up to Buck and Athena to find Moira now and get the ball rolling.

So we’ll see that happening in 8x15 and they’ll of course find the anti-virus and save Chim right on time. We already know that. Bobby’s fate is still a wild card at this point, because of that funeral bts. Even though I don’t believe for a second they’ll actually kill him.

The thing is though… Chimney in danger again? This soon after his near death? Bobby in danger again? This soon after his heart attack AND almost blowing up at the beginning of the episode? The only one who hasn’t been hurt for a while was Hen, so she might have had an nde coming. It all felt very repetitive somehow.

And let’s talk about who was missing in this episode. The lack of Eddie was glaring. The man is an ex-army medic. He would have fit right in in this episode. I cannot for the life of me understand why this show wouldn’t have pushed this story-idea to season 9, so he could have been there right with them. It would have made so much more sense as a season opener and the story would have hit so many more beats. Eddie knows the army-protocols. He could have been an asset. It just didn’t make any sense.

Him being there would have upped the stakes even higher with Buck being on the outside and the fact that we haven’t had an Eddie nde for a while now. It simple would have made for a more entertaining and satisfactory episode.

And like I said, I like Ravi a lot, but I’ve been with Eddie and the rest of the 118 for years now. They have all of my heart. And for me the 118 definitely includes him. Without Eddie something just feels off. So yeah, I would have rather seen Eddie there than Ravi or even both of them together. As long as he was there. 🤷‍♀️

It seems that they moved all Eddie scenes to episode 13 and I suspect a few to episode 15 as well. They can’t do two episodes in a row without Eddie. The people would riot! He has to be there in some capacity.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to next week to see how they’ll solve this problem and yes, I’m looking forward to seeing Eddie on my screen again. What can I say? He is my absolute favourite character.

#911 8x14 #lemotmo's thoughts and ruminations #911 abc #911 spoilers #911 8x14 thoughts and ruminations #TLDR: the lack of Eddie in this episode was glaring!

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plantoyoon · 1 year ago

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Can I have a taste?

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Synopsis: Unexpected romance develops between co-workers, going on dates, drinking some coffee and alcohol.

Genre: co-workers, slow development, fluff, smut

Warnings: 18+, social anxiety, one shot

Wordcount: 9.9k

second warning: might not make perfect sense, not really proofread, I've just started writing recently... soooo thank you for reading, and if you have suggestions, I am here.

You know that moment when life seems to make so much sense, like everything is perfectly aligned, but actually if you look further and deeper you wonder how the pieces came together?

Well, working on international projects was something indeed interesting. From your coworkers perspective, the best part was meeting new people and making new friends. You being introverted, that seem like the worst part of it. Most of the people you met were nice or at least interesting, and finding differences and similarities between cultures was also entertaining.

It wasn't the best always working at your company, but it had it's perks. Like in this moment, being at a full table with laughing people, good food and great atmosphere after the end of a successful project. Everyone was making cute promises of new meetings and new ideas to put into practice. The overall effervescence of some wine and excitement was intoxicating.

You were sitting next to the only other girl from the big team and one of your coworker, being guarded and trying to interact as least as possible. It wasn't that you didn't like them, but it was a giving you a lot of anxiety being in a group, trying to throw in some ideas in the discussion. Being around some many passionate people about their field was a bit overwhelming. You were quite good at what you were doing, and you enjoyed it but it seemed like never enough to get on into this talks. Following all the ideas of all the people at the table was getting exhausting.

At the right moment you get a message from your boss asking you for some documents as urgent as possible. You're getting so caught up into finding what he asks that you don't even hear that someone asked you a question. But you heard silence, some laughter and raised your head from the phone to look around. Of course half of the people are looking at you, your coworker Hoseok comes at your rescue, making a small joke about the fault in being a workaholic and repeating the question for you.

"How it is to work in a project just with men?" You're looking to your left for the other girl and she is nowhere to be seen.

"Where is Sara?" you ask.

"I think she went for a smoke" another guy at the table answers.

"Hmm. Fine, I guess. We delivered what we had to deliver, so great." you answer and want to go back to your business. The idea for a distraction for them appears "You could ask my coworkers how was for them, because they mostly work in teams mostly formed by women, being more old in the company, I'm sure they have better insights on that. Guys?! you inquire and as soon as the conversation gets lively again you get to your phone, sipping on the water with lemon you had on the table.

As it gets noisier you get up to find a place a bit less agitated for you to focus. You know this place quite well so you identify quickly your spot, next to a staircase with a comfy chair and take a sit. But it doesn't take long until you get interrupted again. This time by one of the members from another country.

"Hei! What you doing down there?"

"I just need to solve some things urgently and I can't find this thing." you answer as politely as possible, because this was Yoongi. He was one of the first people you worked with outside your company. He was really nice, always helpful and seemed like a good person. And you wanted to be nice to him.

"How are you?" you ask seeing him still there, not quite ready to leave.

"Good. I really like this city, and the food is great."

"Yeah, it has his qualities." you didn't like your city, but you tried your best not to show that.

As you started getting more pings from your boss, you feel the need to hurry and ask Yoongi if he needs anything.

"I was looking for the toilet actually."

"Aah. I see. Well, it's right ahead, then you do a left next to the bar and then right and then you'll see the doors." you answer looking at Yoongi, seeing him now better, red in the cheeks, glassy eyes and leaning against the wall. He was a bit too drunk, and you chuckle to yourself at this tall, dizzy guy, looking for the bathroom.

You get up and start walking towards the restrooms. "Come after me." you say with your eyes still glued to your phone. He follows and enters the room after saying a shy thank you. With your eyes still looking for the files, you walk slowly towards your comfy hidden chair. But after a few minutes, Yoongi's back and seems a bit more fresh, with some droplets hanging at the ends of his hair, probably splashed some water on his face.

"Thank you, you're really good at giving direction. You could be a great guide." says he and then slowly goes back to the other people.

You wonder what is it with these people and their weird statements, but get over this thought quickly as you found the files you were looking for. You send them and dread the moment because now you have to get back to the table with the others.

As you get closer, you notice Yoongi took the seat next to your now empty one and you think to yourself that this should definitely get into some conversation, you have no escape at this point. Somehow, you don't despise the thought. You appreciated him, even though you have never seen each other until this week. You always talked through the phone, e-mails or online calls. Now you could also appreciate how handsome he looked, but you needed to stay as professional as you could and as you should.

You take your sit, trying to get into some small talk with the girl next to you, starting with complimenting her hair. You don't really know Sara, and try to ask some question to keep the conversation going. How did she start working with her team, what did she study, how the week felt like for her. The conversation runs smooth and you praise yourself for that.

After some time you feel a poke on your shoulder, and turn around not realising until now that you've almost turned with your back towards the people on your right. And you see Yoongi asking for the bottle of sparkling wine next to you.

"You're sure you want this? Maybe this?" pushing some water towards him.

He takes the water, pours some in his glass and some in your glass. Then asking again for the wine. You comply giving him the wine, and he firstly pours in your wine glass that still had some on the bottom, then going for his glass, followed by Hoseok glass. He asks the girl next to you if she wants some and pours the rest of the bottle into her glass.

At this point you expect some kind of toast, it seems like he has something on his mind to say. He raises his glass, demanding the others to follow in his movement and says: "This city is amazing, I like it so much and I am impressed by all the good work you people have put in." then he looks at you briefly "I want to see more of it. Towards more interesting projects and new friends. Cheers!" finishing the short toast with the clinks of the glasses.

You don't know why, but you felt some goosebumps when Yoongi looked at you. But this means nothing, he will go back to his country, his life and you should get your mind out of the scenarios that start forming in your head.

As time passes, you start getting more immersed in the conversation you had with the people at the table, especially with Yoongi, realising you have so many interests in common. You feel more comfortable now and the wine definitely made it a bit easier to get through the night. Hoseok turns his head towards you asking if you're going to stay any longer, because he wants to get home. You shake your head, looking at the time and seeing it was past 11 pm. You turn your head to Yoongi with inquiring eyes. He looks at you a bit lost, but answers after sighing, that he is ready to leave.

The three of you got up, said your see you tomorrows and goodbyes, and headed towards the exit. You feel the dizziness from the alcohol getting stronger, but the cold autumn air makes it a bit easier.

"I think I'll walk for a bit before calling for a taxi."

Hoseok already called his taxi and tries to convince you to call quickly for one because it's late, you have work tomorrow and so on. He is a good friend, but sometimes he is too much of a control freak. So you say "I'll just walk Yoongi to his hotel and then get it from there." knowing it will be a ten minute walk, enough for you the feel better. Hoseok seems pleased with your solution, and Yoongi is looking stoic without saying anything.

"Only if that's alright with you, Yoongi!"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Of course it is!" says him as fast as possible.

Both of you walk in silence. You enjoy the cold breeze of the night and the rustling of leaves from the nearby trees and it feels quite peaceful. You hear a chuckle and look up towards Yoongi.

"What's funny?"

"How are you walking so fast? I was told I walk fast, but I feel I am putting some effort to keep up with you." Yoongi answers with another chuckle at the end.

"Ah, sorry! I think it's the wine for my speed and probably for you being a little more slow than the usual."

"Haha, maybe." followed by a long hmmm from him. You wonder what that sound was supposed to mean. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That hmmmm?!"

"Aaaah. I think I make this sound involuntarily when I'm thinking."

"Hmmm, I see. Hmmmmmm." You slightly mock the sound he made.

"Want to know what I am thinking about?"

You feel a trap, but you answer with "sure" anyways.

"I'm thinking…" he takes a moment before continuing "we definitely need to drink more water."

You agree, and as you see the hotel getting closer you get your phone and type in your address, ready to call for an uber. As you reach the hotel, you panic a little bit as no uber accepts your order. Yoongi stops next to you and asks if everything is alright.

"Yeah, but I think it takes a bit longer to get an uber at this hour."

"Hmm. I'll wait with you then."

"Don't worry, Yoongi. We have a long day tomorrow, I'll be fine. I'm sure someone will accept eventually."

"Don't say nonsense, I can't leave you by yourself. I would actually suggest to get into to lobby, drink something until your ride arrives."

You don't argue with that and feel a bit softer on the inside hearing that from him. You wonder why did you expect him to be less friendly. So you get inside, ask for some water at the still open bar and sit with Yoongi, talking about some of the countries he visited, and checking from time to time your phone.

15 minutes later a driver finally accepts your order, he is 3 minutes away. You let Yoongi know, and stand up, grabbing your bag. He follows you towards the exit and as you sit next to each other, he puts a hand on your shoulder, leaving it there for a bit too long, but you think about all the alcohol that was in his organism and try to not pay it attention. But the next thing surprises you, as the car stops in front of you, Yoongi closes the distance between you two with a small kiss on your cheek. "See you tomorrow! Yeah?"

"Mhm. See you tomorrow!" and you rush to the car. Was that something? It couldn't be. Your heart beats fast as you make comfortable in your sit. Maybe that's how he is with other people, friendly, french people always kiss each other on both cheeks when meeting. You try your best for the next 20 minutes to bring some sense to yourself and stop building expectations. As you get into your apartment, you check your phone one more time, and you have 3 new messages. One from Hoseok, one from your sister and one from Yoongi. All of them asking the same thing: "Have you arrived home?" you quickly send a Yes to all of them, and place your phone down trying to stop thinking about Yoongi.

"Shower and water, now." you say to yourself focusing on the moment.

The next morning brings a new sense of relief as it would have been the last day of work activities. Most important it will be just half of day, the rest being for the other people to visit your city on their own before leaving.

You get ready, read some e-mails on your way towards your first stop of the day, the coffee shop. This day required your favourite beverage, Iced Americano, before meeting with the others. After sipping the cold drink, you feel more ready to tackle this day, more prepared to block any Yoongi related thoughts.

At the office, everyone seemed to have the same need for coffee as you, as you found almost all of them around the coffee machine. Good thinking in getting your drink from another place. You greet everyone and try to wiggle your way to your place in the meeting room through the crowd. Not even placing your stuff on the table, you hear Hoseok asking you:

"It's october, I can't believe you bought an Iced Americano again. How could you drink that even now?"

"Hoseok, I already told you. This Iced Americano is the only coffee that I enjoy, so leave me alone and drink your bitter double espresso." You say in a jokingly manner, not realising Yoongi was behind you.

"Where did you get that?" he asks.

Startled, you give your answer, telling him about the coffee shop 10 minutes away from there. He looks at his watch and groans as you were supposed to start in just a few minutes the meeting. Yoongi takes the sit next to you and turns to face you: "Could you give me just one sip, I really don't like this coffee." whispers he pointing to the small cup in front of him.

You take your place and confused at his request you push your cold cup towards him. As he takes it from your hand, his fingers brush slightly over yours which brings some goosebumps up your arms. As fast as possible you start pulling out your stuff from your bag, looking down on your notebooks, sure that your cheeks were more rosy than the usual.

Yoongi groans a little after tasting the coffee "This is so good! You need to show me this place, Y/N?"

"I know, they have the best coffee. I'll give you the address later if you want to get one in our break."

He answers just with a mumble that you don't understand, getting another sip before giving your drink back.

For the next two hours of the workshop, Yoongi keeps on brushing in unintentional ways his arm against yours. You try to move yourself to give him more space to move when he explains his ideas, but somehow, each time he requires more space. By the end of the meeting you realise that you closed the distance between your chair and the empty one on your left. You sigh and think that these touchy people will drive you nuts one day. You don't enjoy being touched, you could even say you despised it. Not really, you like hugs from your favourite people and even cuddling. But with people close to you, not everyone. And this thing with Yoongi, it just fuels something that shouldn't be fueled.

The coffee break starts, you grab what is left of your iced drink and go to grab a mini croissant looking at the other people talking, forming small groups. You see Hoseok, Yoongi and other two people talking, and notice how Yoongi kind of retreats each time one of the other guys tries to touch him on his arm. You chuckle to yourself and wonder if he realises that he did the same to you. Your thoughts are interrupted by Hoseok who makes a gesture to join them. As you reach them he grabs your hand, telling the others how you don't like being touched by people, only if you know them for some time.

Once again you wonder what is with all these strange conversations these people have. You care a lot about Hoseok, but sometimes you want to punch him because making people aware of your quirks it's not on his employee responsibilities. But you knew him for such a long time, him actually being the one who recommended you for an interview at your actual company, so… you had enough time to get used to him.

"I am the same." answers Yoongi and it surprises you and start thinking if you should deconspire him or not. You decide not, but comment "Well, some people are more used to this and others are not. I think it's related a bit if you are in a relationship or not. If you've been in a relationship for a long time, it's probably more comfortable to be so touchy." You look at Hoseok, him being the first example for your statement. He nods and continues the talk, giving it a new twist. You've been always impressed with his way of making the conversation go into the whatever direction he wanted.

In your mind though, the thing Yoongi said about not liking being touched took a sit. The internal debate starting. He was so touchy, but he doesn't like being touched. Probably just lied, you think to yourself.

The rest of the programme passes smoothly, and at the end of it Hoseok asks how long everyone is going to be in the city. Most of them answer that they'll be leaving in a few hours or tonight.

"What about you, Yoongi?" Hoseok asks seeing he was the only one not answering.

"Actually, I'll be staying for a few more days to visit. If you have recommendation or want to plan anything, let me know."

"Oh, cool. For sure we'll plan something, I promised to show you to that Korean bbq place."

You follow the exchange in silence, until you hear your name called by Hoseok once again. "Y/N, let's organise with our team to see who would want to get together these days."

Nodding, you sigh at another event you need to be in charge of. It might be something informal, but you're so tired of so much socialisation. You just want a cozy night, some music and silence.

Maybe Yoongi felt your resentment that he announces that it could be the smaller team, no need in putting any effort into it. You look at him, smiling, grateful for his suggestion.

After all the other details have been discussed and all being done, almost all the guests left. You gather your notebook and laptop, getting ready to leave to your desk. By the door there is a small group of people still talking, as you pass by them you feel your elbow softly grabbed by someone, expecting to be Hoseok, you put your bored face: "What is it?"

"Hmmm."

Before you get to turn to look at him, you realise by the sound that is Yoongi, but the feeling stays the same.

"I was wondering if you could show me that coffee shop, maybe eat something there if they have any food?" asks him. You were hungry and the rumble in your stomach definitely approves his idea at the thought of those tasty sandwiches.

Your other coworkers get behind him: "What a great idea, Yoongi! We need to get some food, we're so hungry."

You follow the group who comes with new ideas for where to get lunch, finally deciding on another place.

"Hmmmm. Still, I think I want to get to that coffee shop. What about you Y/N?" "Yeah. I was kind of set on a sandwich from there and another coffee is more than welcome." you answer.

"Alright, then we'll meet back at the office. Yoongi, you're free to come also, if you don't have any other plans yet." says one in the group.

"Thanks, I'll think about it."

Now, with just the two of you, the conversation flows smoothly, with Yoongi asking about what he should visit next, where should he eat and what other activities you recommend until you reach the coffee shop.

He orders first "Two iced americano and two sandwiches!"

"Hei, I can order on my own." you pout.

"Well, I drank at least half of your morning coffee, so at least let me get that for you."

You try to convince him that isn't necessary, but he does not listen. Eventually, you give up, getting your food and drink and placing them on the small table next to the window. Yoongi follows you, sitting next to you.

"Why don't you sit in front of me? It's more space…" you ask, at which he just shrugs not bothering to answer and taking a bite.

"You were right Y/N, this place has great sandwiches and the best iced americano I've drank in this city.

You wonder "Have you been here before, in our city, I mean?"  "Yeah, a few times."

"Then why ask for places to visit. There not that much to see here."

"Hmmm." again that hmm, which you need to recognise, you were getting quite addicted to it.

"I wanted to hear about the places you like, so… yeah." follows Yoongi looking into your eyes. Your heart skips a beat and your cheeks are definitely red. Not knowing what to answer, you mumble a yeah and sip from your coffee.

Almost done with your meal you ask: "So Yoongi, you're coming to the office after we finish here?"

"You want me to come?" you almost choke at his come at his question, wondering if you're insane or if he is indeed in a flirty mood. You feel the need to step back a bit and tell him that is his choice, not yours.

"Alright, but I'll see you this evening. We are meeting at that restaurant Hoseok was telling us about. Yeah?"

"I'll think about it, I still need to catch up with some work."

"Hmmm. Y/N…. " mumbles he disapproving.

"Alright, alright. Let's get going now and I'll think about it."

He pulls a large smile, and slightly nudges you with his shoulder. "Good."

The day passes fast, still wondering if you should meet with the other for dinner. Noticing your excitement to meet Yoongi, you wonder if that's a good thing or not. He is just a friendly person, and the attention he's giving you makes you overthink this situation. But by the end of the work day, Hoseok and the others just assume you're coming, taking you with them and it's too late to back off now.

Arriving at the restaurant, Yoongi was already waiting for all of you sited at a table of six. Why does he look even more handsome and at the same time cute in this dimmed light. You place yourself strategically on the diagonal side of him so you could focus more on your discussion started with your friends from the office. This dinner not being a project meeting, your favourite coworkers could join. You are feeling more comfortable in this environment, with people you knew for a long time, so you laugh, and you drink, bottling up the small crush that was unfolding in the afternoon. But from time to time you throw a glance at Yoongi, and all you could think is how adorable he looks laughing and enjoying himself.

Around 9 pm you decide it's time to wrap up and go home, this was wholesome and fun, but tomorrow is Friday, another work day. You announce the others and grab your bag to leave, taking a last look at Yoongi, knowing you might not see him in person for a while.

"I'm really glad you came after all, Y/N!" said Yoongi as he gets up to give you a hug.

"Me too, Yoongi! Enjoy your stay here and have a safe trip." he squeezes you once more before letting you leave.

Why do even his hugs feel great, you think to yourself while getting into the uber.

Your phone pings noticing you got a message, it's Hoseok. The text is stupid, just a line of question marks and you think he might had a drink or two too much and ignore him for now. But five pings later you check the chat again to see what does he want.

Hoseokeeee: ????????? It's something going on? You and Yoongi? What is going on? Y/N? ????????

You: ???????????? What are you even saying????

Hoseokeeee: The hug????

You: What about it? He was just saying goodbye?!

Hoseokeeee: Y/N????? I know him for more than 3 years. He never hugs anyone, he barely shakes hands with us

You: ????? whaaaat??? Maybe he just felt friendly tonight, will probably hug you too

Hoseokeeee: We left! NOOO HUUUG he did gave us a handshake, but yet I am really suspicious! (detective emoji)

You: Ok. Maybe if you didn't leave all at the same time, he would have hugged you

Hoseokeeee: I don't want him to hug me

You: Yeah, sure (heart emoji) But honestly, don't overthink it. Nothing it's going on

Now you are the one who overthinks it. Is something really going on?

Barely getting any sleep, the morning arrives and you're tired and groggy and in desperate need of coffee. A large Iced Americano for you today.

At the office you are glad everyone seems to be on occupied with their own business, not even Hoseok tries to open the last night discussion, not even at lunch. At least there's that, and you think to yourself that everything is fine and nothing is going on actually. But the universe has a funny way of blowing up your life conclusion, as a message from Yoongi appears on your screen.

Min Yoongi: Hi! Tonight there's a opening of this gallery, and has some paintings by O'Keeffe exposed. Would you like to go?

First you wonder how did he recall about O'Keeffe, you don't even remember mentioning this artists name ever. Second you panic and your mind runs at full speed. Thirdly you wonder if he invited other people and you glance at Hoseok's desks.

You breath in, get up and go to your friend, your always and forever adviser in this matters. You don't say anything, but show him the message. He looks confused at you, then checks his phone, refreshing the chat app.

He gets up and you take his place. "Hoseok, what is going on?!"

"You tell me Y/N?!"

"Does it seem I know. You two are friends, I am just the new confused girl. Did he ever told you anything? Please, think carefully."

"Well, it was this time… but no, I don't think it's related. Or that time…" he keeps mumbling things like that until it annoys you.

"Hoseok!!!!" It gets him out of the memory digging. "I don't even know what to answer."

"If you ask me, it's just a gallery visit. It's not anything to worry about, maybe he just thought you would be the only interested and that's why you're the only one that he asked."

"Okay, that makes me feel a little bit better." you answer going back to your desk. "I'll think about it then."

Hoseok leans back in his chair, studying you carefully. "You like him, don't you?"

You blink, caught off guard by his directness. "I… I don't know. I mean, he's nice and we get along, but…"

"But?" Hoseok presses gently.

"But he's from another country, and it's complicated," you finish, feeling a bit flustered.

Hoseok chuckles. "Complicated is your middle name, Y/N. Look, if you want my advice, just go. Enjoy the evening. If nothing else, you get to see some great art. And if something more happens, well, you can deal with it then."

You nod, feeling a bit more settled. "Okay, I'll go."

"You do that, Y/N." said Hoseok with a grin, but try to not pry into that. Hoseok was always a step ahead of you, having the overview of every situation. So if he thinks it's not a big deal, then probably isn't.

You: Hi! Sure, sounds nice. Meet you there at 8?

Min Yoongi: Awesome!

Your focus for the day was gone, your mind going at full speed about your outfit, hair and make up, how to get to the gallery and counting the minutes until the end of the work day. You felt excited, the only thing that kept you relatively grounded were Hoseok's words: "Don't overthink it." You opt for a black simple yet elegant outfit, something that strikes the right balance between professional and casual.

Arriving at the gallery, you spot Yoongi waiting near the entrance, looking effortlessly stylish. As you approach, he greets you with a warm smile.

"Hi, Y/N. You look great."

"Thanks, Yoongi. You too," you reply, feeling a slight blush rise to your cheeks.

The gallery is buzzing with people, all eager to see the new exhibit. Yoongi leads you through the crowd, guiding you to the section featuring Marino's paintings.

As you stand side by side, admiring the artwork, you find yourself relaxing and enjoying the moment. Yoongi's presence is comforting, and the conversation flows easily as you discuss the various pieces and their interpretations.

"Thank you for inviting me," you say after a while. "I really enjoyed this and the wine is good."

Yoongi turns to you, his eyes softening. "I'm glad you came. I knew you'd like it."

Baffled by his assured statement you ask: "How could you know?"

He doesn't answer, but comes closer to you, slowly placing his hand on your waist to turn you around to face a blue and green painting. You get a bit closer to read the name, with Yoongi's hand still on your waist.

"It's called Blue and green music, it reminded me of you."

You scrunch your nose, you like the painting, you like everything done by O'Keefe, but this is dark, complicated and being called that felt a bit weird. "How so?"

"Well, it shows passion, strength, vibrant vulnerability, all in harmony. I feel that's you." said Yoongi, looking ahead at the painting.

Feeling the warmth of Yoongi's hand on your waist, you take a deep breath, absorbing his words. The painting indeed captures a depth that resonates with you. "Passion and strength", you murmur, with your gaze fixated on the painting. "I never thought of myself that way."

Yoongi's eyes finally meet yours, a gentle smile playing on his lips. "Well, you are. Y/N. More than you know."

"Thank you" you whisper, your voice barely audible above the hum of the gallery crowd. "That means a lot."

His smile widens, eyes crinkling at the corners. "It's just the truth." He takes a step back, his hand slipping from your waist but leaving behind a trail of warmth. "Come on, there's more I want to show you."

As you walk side by side, the conversation flows naturally, each painting sparking new topics and reflections. His knowledge of art and every other subject that comes up, fascinates you. You even forgot about your thoughts about this not being a date, you really hope it is now.

Yoongi leads you to a quieter corner a small table is set up with some desserts and more wine. Grabs two glasses, giving one to you with a soft smile on his face. "Have you ever been on this building rooftop?"

"Yeah, a long time ago. Have you?" and he shakes his head. He takes your hand, leading you through the crowd and corridors until you reach a staircase that leads up to the roof.

The night air is cool and refreshing as you step out onto the rooftop. The city sprawls out before you, lights looking mesmerizing. You walk to the edge, letting this moment bring a sense of peace to you.

"It's beautiful." he says softly, his hand brushing against yours.

"It is, and the company makes it even better." you turn to look at him and notice a tenderness in his eyes that makes your heart beat fast.

He places a hand on your shoulder, bringing you closer to him. You raise a bit on your heels, but you stumble as someone yells in the distance that you're not allowed on the rooftop. You laugh and place a hand on Yoongi's chest. "You heard him, we need to leave."

As you step back into the gallery, both of you laugh about the interruption. The energy from earlier dissipated. You and Yoongi share a comfortable silence as you make your way through the nearly empty space. "Looks like we're some of the last ones here."

"Hmmm. It's been so nice. Thank you for joining me." mentions Yoongi as both of you step out of the building.

"Thank you for inviting me. I had a great time." You smile, feeling warmth engulfing you once again this night.

Yoongi hesitates for a moment "I don't want this night to end, but it's late and I don't want to ruin your sleep more as it's already 2 pm. But can I see you tomorrow too?"

Your heart skips a beat at his words and a big smile crosses your face. "I'd like that."

He waits with you until your ride home arrives. When he sees the car pulling in front of you, he leans in and gives you a gentle kiss on the cheek. He closes the door of the car behind you, waving as he watches it departing. You watch him until he's out of sight, your heart still racing.

The next morning you wake up with a sense of anticipation and excitement. It doesn't take long as a sense of reality crashes over you, realising what are you actually doing. He is someone you work with, he leaves in a few days. The best you could figure it out is seeing each other a few times a year. Everything feels kind of hopeless. As you go on with your morning, this feeling doesn't disappear whatever spin you try on the matter. You even try to think about what would Hoseok would say. Probably "Don't complicate it and don't overthink it." It was a bit too late for that.

Last night was so amazing, it felt so good, you felt so connected to him, so interesting and appreciated. But now, the practicalities loom large, casting a shadow over the happiness.

Your phones pings and the screen lights up. Min Yoongi: Good morning. Want to grab lunch together later?

You: Yeah

Min Yoongi: Awesome!

You: There's a nice place in the city center. I'm sending you the address.

Min Yoongi: Great! See you there.

You don't text back, still with some remnants of anxiety. You decide to let it happen, not think about the future and to enjoy as much as you can this moment the universe placed in front of you.

Another ping on the phone follows.

Min Yoongi: Can't wait to see you again. (star emoji)

Why is he so cute, you sigh and smile, sending back the same text.

You hide your doubts, and cover them with a cute outfit in light colours. "You can do this, Y/N, you can do it!" you say encouraging yourself before leaving for the restaurant.

Yoongi was already there, waiting inside. His smile brightens as he sees you, welcoming you with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey" you reply, feeling again that flutter in your chest, now more sure than ever that you are able to enjoy this.

The restaurant is charming, with a warm and inviting atmosphere. As you look over the menu together, Yoongi leans in and says: "You look amazing. Last night a black cat and now a white cat."

You laugh at his statement, you always thought he resembled a cat with his sharp eyes. "You look great too. And I think you're actually the cat here."

He chuckles at your response.

As you order your food, the conversation flows easily. You talk about everything and nothing, just enjoying each other's company. Yoongi shares stories from his travels, and you tell him about your latest project at work. The doubts you had earlier seem to fade away, replaced by the warmth of the moment.

After lunch you suggest, "How about we go for walk in the park, I think there is some immersive art installation in the nearby one." He agrees, seeming excited about the idea. The walk through the park is pleasant and as you reach the art installation you both start to fool around, feeling like children.

The first one you try is this huge piano that you can walk on. You jump first on it trying to play Twinkle Twinkle Little star, being the only song you know the key notes too. Yoongi follows you trying to help you with your song, but ends up crashing into you. You try to gain your balance, but he has other plans wrapping his arms around you before he falls.

"Yoongi, what are you doing?"

"What were you trying to play?"

"Twinkle Twinkle"

"That was definitely not it" he laughs brushing your hair of your face as you try to get up. You extend an arm to help him up too, he grabs it and doesn't let go, having you follow him in his steps trying to play the correct version of the song.

"Is this what were you trying to play, Y/N?" you nod, following his steps carefully.

"Now I know how to properly play this" you laugh as Yoongi pulls you into a side hug, leading you to check the other installations.

You find an installation that is called Dark Matter, and described as dark room, with meticulously composed soundtracks, fusing with gleaming shapes and colours. "This might take a while, but would you like to try it?" you ask Yoongi.

Both of you find seats in the dimly lit first room. It's pitch dark, and you can't see anyone else, but the rustling of clothes and whispers around you assure you that you're not alone. The anticipation builds as the music starts, and the play of lights begins to dance around the room. You're immediately drawn into the immersive experience, completely forgetting everything else around you.

Amidst the sensory overload of sound and light, you suddenly feel a gentle movement on your pinky finger. It's Yoongi's finger, lightly playing with yours in a tender gesture. He then wraps his finger around yours, intertwining them gently. Your heart starts beating fast at the small gesture and you stay like this until the end of the show.

Stepping outside the building you notice that the night was closing in, typical for mid autumn when the sun sets earlier. You take a look at Yoongi and hear his thinking sound "Hmmmm. I think I know how to solve our problem from yesterday."

"What problem?"

"The rooftop problem. There's a bar nearby on a rooftop, great atmosphere. Want to go there?"

"Sure, lead the way. You're quite the local. You know that?"

Yoongi laughs. "Not really, but I know some good places around." He gently takes your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, making you blush at his newfound assertiveness over the past few hours. As you walk through the busy streets, Yoongi's hand in yours feels warm and reassuring. You contemplate how in his presence, everything seems to slow down and becomes more manageable. You steal glances at him from time to time, admiring his calm demeanor contrasting with the urban chaos around. Finally, you arrive at the bar. The entrance is tucked away in a quieter corner, yet the rooftop promises a good view. Yoongi lets you first climb the stairs, following closely behind. As you reach the top, you take a sit at a table next to the edge, giving you the best view. Mesmerized by the view, you affirm it "The view is amazing."

"I thought you'd enjoy it" Yoongi replies, a soft smile playing on his lips as he pulls out a chair for you. "What would you like to drink?"

"I think I might need something different than wine" you ponder. The waiter comes before you could decide so you let Yoongi order first, he gets some red wine.

"I see you have Hibiki, could I get some with a large ice cube?" this drink always made you feel a more confident in yourself and sweeps away a big part of your insecurities.

Yoongi looks at you with big eyes and a huge grin on his face, which makes you feel self-conscious about your drink choice. You recall how people often comment or poke fun at your preference, and now you feel the need fort that drink more than ever. You look at the city unraveling before your eyes to clear your head, letting some silence sit between you and Yoongi.

As the drinks arrive, you feel a surge of enthusiasm as you take your first sip. The fiery warmth of the liquied plays with the coolness of the ice, creating a unique sensation that you like. For you it's not so much about the taste as it is about that intriguing combination. Feeling satisfied with your drink and the courage it brought, you glance at Yoongi. He still gazes at you with those dark wide eyes, prompting you to say "Go ahead, you can judge me all you want, but I enjoy what I enjoy."

"I'm not judging you, I liked your choice." takes a sip of his wine, licking his lips. "Can I have a taste?"

"Sure" you push your glass towards him. He moves his chair closer to yours and settles down, placing his hand over yours, which is still wrapped around the cold glass. "Can I have a taste" he asks again, now a bit more clear, looking into your eyes and then down to your lips.

You feel flustered, goosebumps rising all over your body. Raising the glass to your lips, you try to mantain eye contact as you take another sip, letting the liquid slide down your throat. Everything seems to move in slow motion.

Setting your glass down, you feel Yoongi closing the distance between you. He hovers with his lips just above yours for a moment before pressing them gently against yours. The kiss is slow and tender, sending a wave of warmth through your body. His hand reaches your neck as he deepens the kiss. Your hand goes up to caress his face as you give access to his tongue to explore the inside of your mouth. It gets more passionate by the second, with the other hand of Yoongi going to your hip, making you slip a moan into his mouth. Getting a low groan out of him. You slowly start to feel out of air and as much as you don't want to, you interrupt the kiss.

Refiling your lungs with air, you look at Yoongi who appears still focused on your lips. Bringing his hand up your neck, you let his thumb gently play with your bottom lip. "Tasty"

You chuckle at his assessment, giving him another taste. This time, the kiss is more eager, both of you, trying to get as much as you can out of each other.

"I've wanted to do that, since I first saw you on Monday, you know?!"

Completely shocked by his words, you pull back slightly. "Don't look at me like that." he continues "I've been flirting with you for months, but you've been so dismissive that I thought it was a lost cause. Until I saw you in person. After talking with Hoseok about you, giving me some insights, I knew I had to keep trying. I am convinced now it was a good decision…"

"Wait, wait. What do you mean months? What about Hoseok? What are you even saying now?" you stop him from his rambling to bring you some clarity.

Yoongi takes a deep breath, rubbing his thumb over your hand gently. "We've been working together online for a while, and I've always admired you from a distance. I tried to drop hints, little comments here and there, but you never seemed to notice."

"What about Hoseok?"

"He and I talked about it, and he encouraged me to be more direct. He mentioned that you tend to not notice when someone likes you. He thought we'd be a good match."

You blink in surprise, processing his words. "Hoseok said that?"

"Yeah," Yoongi nods. "He said you were amazing and worth the effort. So, when this trip came up, I saw it as my chance."

In your mind all the mixed messages that Hoseok gave you regarding Yoongi started to make sense. He wanted to push you to try this thing, but not be too direct because he knew you'd get scared and run from it.

A mix of emotions swirls within you "I had no idea."

Yoongi smiles, and his eyes do too. "Well, now you do." He cups your face with both his hands placing a loud kiss on your lips.

The evening goes on, filled with laughter and tender moments. You both share stories of Yoongi's past attempts at flirting. He recalls a particular video call where he complimented your hairstyle, only for you to brush it off.

"Not going to lie, I was so frustrated," he admits, laughing. " I thought I was so obvious."

"Well, I guess I'm just oblivious," you reply. "I'm glad you didn't give up."

As the night goes on, the atmosphere becomes more intimate. You find yourselves sitting closer, holding hands, and stealing kisses between sips of your drinks. Yoongi leans in to whisper something in your ear, and his breath sends shivers down your spine.

"Do you remember the first project we worked on together?" he asks.

"Yeah, you were so serious and focused." you reply.

"And you were so passionate and creative," he says, his voice soft. "I knew then that I wanted to get to know you better."

After finishing your drinks, Yoongi suggests taking a walk. The night is cool, and the streets are quiet now, creating a nice atmosphere. As you reach his hotel, he says between kisses, "I want to see where this can go."

You look up at him, your heart racing, "Agree."

He smiles, leaning down to kiss you one more time before calling an uber for you. This kiss is slow and sweet. As a driver accepts your ride, being a few minutes away, Yoongi places a soft kiss on your forehead, whispering "Goodnight"

"Goodnight" you answer walking towards the spot where the car should arrive, with your eyes still on Yoongi. He starts walking towards the hotel entrance. In that moment something clicks inside you and press cancel on the ride, striding behind Yoongi.

"Wait", you call out, your voice trembling with nervousness.

He turns around, surprise and hope flickering in his eyes. "Y/N?"

You catch up to him, "I don't want to say goodnight just yet. Can I come up with you?"

Yoongi's smile broadens, and he takes your hand, intertwining your fingers. "I'd like that very much."

Together, you enter the hotel and make your way to his room. The elevator ride is filled with charged silence, both of you stealing glances at each other. When you reach his floor, Yoongi leads you down the hallway to his room. Once inside, you explore his room, passing through straight to the window. His room was situated on the topmost floor of the hotel, you knew it had to be a good view from up there. And you were right, the view was breathtaking presenting the city skyline twinkling under the night sky.

You notice the strategically placed couch in front of the large window, casting a gentle glow from the city lights. "Almost everywhere you took me this week, had a great view of this city that you might not know, I don't quite like. Was this planned?" you ask playfully, turning to Yoongi.

"No plan. I just enjoy a good view and I had a hunch you would do too." he replies casually, moving towards a small bar and pouring some sparkling wine "Feeling festive?"

You laugh, feeling at ease as you take a seat on the couch and wait for Yoongi to join you. The room is dimly lit as he settles next to you, handing you the glass. "From this spot you can see the Orion constellation, it's a bit cloudy, but you can identify the stars and connect them."

You smile, watching Yoongi's eyes fixated on the nightsky, makes you feel warm inside. Leaning in, you place a small kiss on the corner of his lips, catching him by surprise. He gaze shifts from the stars to you. Without hesitation, he wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Both of you place your glasses on the small table in front of you. He gently caresses your chin, raising it just slightly towards his. You feel you could get lost into his dark eyes. Yoongi's lips brush against yours in a gentle, exploratory kiss, sending small electric waves in your body.

Wrapped in each other's embrace, you deepen the kiss. Drunk on his touches, you get more courageous, exploring with your hands as much as you could. And he does the same, caressing your waist, while he peppers small kisses on your jaw, going down your neck. You let out a small moan when he bites into your collarbone. Seems like he enjoyed the sound you made, biting the spot again harder this time.  "Ah, Yoongi." The sound snaps something in Yoongi, making him grab and move you to sit on top of him. "I love when you moan my name like that." not leaving time for you to answer kissing your lips eagerly. His hands slowly pull your shirt to sneak beneath it, to touch your skin. A shiver runs down your back feeling his big hand holding you so close to him. His hand guides you to sit more comfortably in his lap and too properly feel how hard he is through your clothes. Another moan gets out of you at the sensation. Hearing him chuckle, you pull at his hair, putting some distance between you two. Allowing yourself for a moment to gain control of the situation, to kiss his jaw and lick at his neck, but it doesn't take long. His fingers start unbuttoning your shirt, getting quickly rid of it. His lips tracing lines along your chest and above your lacy bra.

Feeling on clouds with all the sensations Yoongi brings, you roll your hips onto his to get more out of him. You adore how his voice vibrates on your skin at his small moans and groans.

With a swift movement, he turns both of you around so he could be on top of you. You wonder how can he be so gentle and strong at the same time in his touches.

Before he can go back at licking and sucking on your skin, you try to pull his shirt over. He takes it off fast, allowing you to finally see him. His skins looks so pretty in the dimmed lights, and you can't stop to run your fingers on it, mesmerized by the view.

His attention goes back to your lips, kissing you with such fervor, leaving you breathless. His hand travels down, starting to unbutton your pants. Gaining access, his fingers starts rubbing over your clothed pussy. "You're so wet." he whispers against your lips. "I want to taste you, will you allow me?"

Nodding in approval, too afraid your voice will crack, you wonder how this soft person could be so assertive in this moment. But you can't ponder too much as his lips starts licking at your chest, then going lower. He pulls your pants and panties down in one movement, looking lustfully in your eyes. Without any hesitation he bites onto your thigh, licking and kissing the spot immediately after. Choosing several points to do the same thing, transforming you into jelly under his touches. Finally reaching your pussy, it slowly licks at first, but as your moans get more frequent and louder, he becomes more fast in his treatment.

Once again you find yourself moved by him, bringing your ass the edge of the couch, your back against the backrest. He kneels before you, rubbing your entrance with his fingers then bringing them to your lips to suck on them. " I want the have the best view when I look up from this beautiful pussy."

The sudden confession brings heat to your cheeks, bringing your hands to cover them. Yoongi groans in annoyance, as he pushes his first finger inside you, making you throw your head back at the sensation, forgetting everything about shame.

As he pushes another finger, you moan his name "Yoongi, fuck", and in your desperate need to ground yourself you run your fingers through his dark locks, holding onto them. Yoongi seems pleased, moaning into your cont, sending the vibrations through your whole core.

He spends the following minutes sucking your clit, alternating with biting it softly and with his fingers wrecking your hole. Your hips lift higher and higher to give him the best access, your moans getting louder until you finally come in his mouth, closing your thighs around his head. But it seems Yoongi doesn't mind it as he says "You're such a good girl, coming all over my face."

You're such a mess and you can't believe how those words turned you on so bad. Slowly Yoongi gets up, sitting next to you placing soft kisses on your face as you gather your breath. "You feeling good?"

"Fuck, yeah." you answer in between loud breaths.

He laughs at your response, pulling you into a deep kiss. "I'm feeling good too."

After finally recovering your breath, you slowly get up, wanting to return the favor, going for his pants, unzipping them. But Yoongi allows you just to undress him, before grabbing you into his arms and lifting you up. He places you gently over the soft covers of the bed, then disappears for a second, coming back with a condom in his hand.

"But I want to taste you, Yoongi" you pout, getting another laugh from him. "Not now, you don't want to upset me. Don't you?"

His demeanor in this situation makes you feel so hot on the inside, that you can't contradict anything he says. "Of course not."

"Then be a good girl and spread it for me"

You follow his instruction ready to feel his length inside you.

He pulls you closer to him, pressing his fingers hard into the skin of your ass, making your back arch at the sensation. Bringing your chest back into his attention he places soft kisses on them, before getting one of your buds into his mouth, sucking it.

You feel him pressing the tip inside, not realising until now how big he was. You wince a bit at the discomfort. He pushes in slowly. "Fuck, you're so tight"

"You're so big" you barely breath out the words.

He places soft kisses on your neck until you feel him completely inside you. Letting you get accustomed for a minute. You feel yourself pulsating around him, and wrap your arms around his neck. He places a gentle kiss on your forehead, before starting to move. It feels so good, despite the slight discomfort. But the pain dissipates, replaced by the pleasure. As he starts moving a little faster, you find his lips to signal you're feeling good.

That is all he needs before he thrusts deep, shaking you to your core. Your loud moan is followed by another deep thrust into you, and another, and another, and another until it becomes a rhythm of fucking you relentlessly. This feels so much better than everything you have experienced until now. Your mind goes blank, being able to focus just on his movement and his hands on your waist. A stupid smile crosses your face at the overwhelming sensation.

Once again you're being moved by him, turning both of you around so you're sitting on him. You thought he was deep inside you until now, but you were so wrong. The need to get accustomed to his size appears again, placing a hand on his abdomen to stop him from moving. "You're so fucking big, give me a second".

He plays with your ass, pressing his fingers into your skin and running them along your thighs, until you feel ready to move. You go up and down his cock, feeling your boobs bounce at the movement. Yoongi is looking completely hypnotized. "Touch yourself for me, baby."

Following his instruction, your left hand travels down from your boob to your clit, rubbing it slowly. And your right hand goes to his mouth, asking for some saliva from him. He sucks on your fingers, wrapping his tongue around them.

You pull them out just to touch your tits with them, pinching hard one of the nipples. Yoongi's hands guide your hips in your movements, pushing his cock deep inside you, establishing an insane rhythm.

Sounds from both of you fill the air, moans, groans and whispered obscenities.

"Yoongi, I'm so close."

"Yeah? Then be a good girl and come for me."

Yoongi grips your hips even tighter, thrusting hard, feeling him whole. You fall onto him, unable to keep your balance anymore, giving him access to suck on your nipples. Already lost in all the pleasure waves, you shiver hard when his hand finds your clit and plays with it.

"You're doing so good, baby" whispers into your ear and that was all you needed to come.

"Yeah" you cry out at how good all he says to you makes you feel. You start pulsating hard on his cock, feeling him coming inside with loud moans into your ear.

You take a moment to catch your breath before sliding next to him. He takes you into his arms, placing sweet kisses to your cheeks. You laugh softly, "It felt good"

He doesn't answer but catches your lips into a kiss so deep, and possessive, hinting at how good it felt for him also.

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