#what is Kris’ problem. good lord

[vain-vigilant]

-drags in the front lawn-

YOUR LAWN

-places down giant lawn mower PNG-

GONE!

-The PNG begins to turn the lawn into just dirt-

Dian: MY LAWN!!!! NOOO

Vain, still upside down: you’re such a dad you know that?

Dian: says you, you’re such a mother sometimes.

Vain: we can’t help it, we’re awesome parents

[shelly-vision]

I wanna talk about Catti and Jockington since nobody else is

Alright so like, we all assumed Catti and Jockington would be in the Chapter 4 Dark World, right? It clearly felt like each Chapter would have different Lightners with us, and with this image, we all thought this was their time to shine.

But of course, nobody can truly predict Tricky Tony and we got hit with “all of your theories are wrong goodbye”. Because of this, a lot of people have now kinda ignored Catti and Jockington and assumed they’ll be inconsequential Light World characters. But I really don’t think that’s right. For one, they don’t really *have* a story right now. Most of the other Light World characters have had a subplot that are partway through, but it still feels like Catti and Jockington are only just beginning having any sort of plot. So because of that, I still really do think they’ll get to be actually relevant characters. Lemme explain why.

I’ll start with Jockington since I have a bit less to say about him. He hasn’t had much of any relevance so far, he’s just hyped up as the greatest man alive (he clearly is) and other than that he’s just been chilling with Catti. But, he’s had exactly three Dark World mentions so far. One in Chapter 2, where he had a room in Queen’s Mansion, and twice in Chapter 4. Once where if instead of having Kris think about Susie, you have them think about the Knight. This prompts them to immediately pivot their thoughts from the Knight’s identity to thinking about Jockington instead. And of course, the legendary “Jockington grows the beard” prophecy. Most people think this is just gonna be buildup to a joke where Jockington just randomly has a beard later, but here’s something to think about: every single Dark World prophecy that describes someone doing something is something in the Dark World. “The Pointy-Headed will say ‘Toothpaste’ and then ‘Boy.’” “The Queen’s Chariot cannot be stopped.” “The Lord of Screens, cleaved red by blade.” Considering everything else, this implies that this is also probably something related to the Dark World. This is considered important enough to be part of the Prophecy. Not to mention, he’s the one and only person mentioned by name in the prophecy and not just described. The Girl, the Cage of Human Parts, the Prince from the Dark, the Pointy-Headed, the Queen (instead of just “Queen”), the Lord of Screens, the Flower Man, and then just… Jockington. I swear, there’s gotta be *some* relevance here. Only problem is that I have no damn clue what his story will even be. Anyway I’ll talk about Catti now.

So, let’s talk about Chapter 5. Thanks to these images, we’re pretty certain that Chapter 5’s Dark World will be in Flower King.

Makes sense all around, Asgore is clearly plot relevant, there’s a double door inside Flower King, and the jealously can pretty clearly tie back to good ol’ Sans Undertale considering the ending of Chapter 4. What does this have to do with Catti? Let’s look at her dialogue.

So like, alongside her Chapter 2 dialogue, and the rain blog post in the Spamton Sweepstakes website, it’s pretty damn clear Catti has a crush on Noelle, right? Like, almost all of her dialogue is about her. She also has dialogue about hating Susie for seemingly no reason. Genuinely, I think the entire reason she hates Susie is because she’s jealous that Noelle has a crush on Susie and not her. Like Catti has some similarities to Susie and probably wonders what Noelle likes about Susie and not her, right? What if Chapter Five’s jealousy theming is about both Asgore and Catti’s jealousy? I mean, some might say like “oh why would Catti be in Flower King”, well, the Festival is starting in Chapter 5. Is it that much of a stretch to say Catti might want to buy flowers and attempt to ask out Noelle? Also, Gerson says the field in Chapter 5 is pink and gold, and Catti has a pink and gold color scheme. That might be a connection.

…but hey, y’know what other cat has a pink and gold color scheme?

…it’s gotta be a conscious choice, right? Why else would there be two cat characters with a pink and gold color scheme if it’s not meant to be a parallel? I mean, Spamton parallels Berdly, Gerson parallels Susie, and the Knight likely had parallels to both Kris and Noelle, so like… Friend is supposed to parallel Catti, right?

Am I just coping because I wanted Catti and Jockington to have a role in the plot? I dunno, maybe. But I really feel like they *have* to exist for a reason, right? …I just want them to do something.

As a side note, I found this dialogue kinda funny.

Like, Catti declaring Kris an enemy clan because she thinks they’ll cause some kind of harm to Noelle is funny because Kris obviously doesn’t want to do that.

…but, the player might. If they’re doing the Weird Route, they’re causing her an obscene amount of harm. I mean, by Chapter 4’s end, Noelle is in a trance and obsessed with “Kris”. Surely, someone a close friend of Noelle like Catti would notice something’s up, right? …maybe in one route of the game, Catti declaring Kris an enemy clan will be warranted.

[golbrocklovely]

Urgh the tiktok shipper stans are beginning to invade twitter as well now. Why do people insist on shipping Colby with every girl he says hello to and then proceed to harass them till whatever relationship he had with that girl is destroyed? Honestly it's not even the fandoms business, can't they learn to keep their noses out? This is why fandoms with so many baby tweens are just so shitty.

Sorry for the rant, hope your day has been ok.

no need to apologize for the rant. i get it. and my day has been nice, thank you for asking.

and i agree with you for the most part. i think the main issue with this fandom is they take everything super seriously. like everything is breaking and dire news, instead of it just being goofy or not that deep. which i think makes things like this spiral into a bigger problem.

like if a small handful of ppl wanted to ship colby with kris, whatever. do what you want. but the issue rises that these fans bombard kris and colby asking for answers that they aren't warranted to know. like if there was something going on, that's up to kris and colby to tell you. and if they don't want to, you can't harass them into telling you. that's not how that works.

not to mention, there probably isn't anything going on and you're just blowing it out of proportion bc you listened to too many tiktok edits!

like if everyone could just calm down and take a break, that would be great. there is no need to harass ppl into telling you shit. just like... have fun and be nice. good lord lol

[oujibaka]

i like talking to myself and i have many thoughts so umm every deltarune 3+4 spoiler below

from information revealed in these chapters (that i have found so far, havent played my weird route file yet) i am led to believe that the knight is december who got somehow corrupted by darkness/depths/gaster(the circles on the hands good lord dess got mysterymanpilled) into some sort of demigod titan-esque being, and is probably like not very conscious akin to how ralsei describes the titan. before these chapters i thought rather strongly that dess was dead for real and only clipped into depths purgatory bc she died in a dark world, and i very much still think so just with the added point of her lost soul transforming into a horrible beast. the person kris was speaking to on their phone was like definitely carol holiday it seems she and kris are in cahoots trying to save ???? dess and are working against the player/gasters influence by proxy. and asgore???????? what is his fucking problem what is he doing WHAT DOES HE KNOW hes obviously working with carol too and there was a prophecy shred in a hidden room of the 3rd church dark world with his silhouette("the flower man, trapped in asylum"????????). the roles of the major players (knight/titans/gaster) seem to be falling into place but i actually am even more confused as to what the fuck the angel is cause the many-winged giant thing from the trailer animation was actually the titan? there was a prophecy shred ("the angel, banished, will finally meet with its desire.") that ralsei said was how the angel looks but the actual image part of the prophecy was obscured to the player you could only see the text

another thing i dont even know how to get started on is ??? this shit????

room accessed in a hallway where you have to do the same puzzle as https://deltarune.com/windows/(+going back and fourth on the warp like you do to get the egg rooms) that i actually reckon rather few people have found so far cause i never saw anyone else notice that the window that takes you to the next page actually has a slightly different sprite (which would be the only way to solve it in-game). and just. what. there was a door to the left you could go though to walk around in the pitch black and blindly bump into walls and inspect a jutted out tile of the invisible walls that is a sink. i forget what the flavor text was something about needing to wash hands after painting but what the fuck are rudys comments on you inspecting the sink in his room fucking RELEVANT??? and why is there a tiny rudenn i do not understand a single thing

one more thing this scene that seemed easily missable KRIS GOING OVER TO THE HOLIDAYS PIANO BY THEMSELF CHECK OUT HOW HARD I CAN CRY they cycled through a bunch of songs i sat there for like ten minutes shame they FUCKING HATE US lmao

[the-acid-pear]

Took me three days to finish the Salt Route concept video and god i'm gonna be such a hater im gonna put this under the cut but i don't want my poor ex to hear me complain so yall must suffer on her place

LIKE, MAN. I'll start off by saying the technical stuff was okay. I really enjoyed the music (gonna try find the fight song), the animations weren't perfect but were good enough and the random drawings were nice I liked those jumpscares. There's things like the shaking textboxes and Queen's fight background changing color which were Something but it was fine.

WHAT WAS NOT FINE WAS THE FUCKING LAG. THAT WAS SO FUCKING ANNOYING WHY ON EAAARTH DID THEY ADD LAG⁉️

Anyway even if you overlook the lag, the real problem of this video is the story on its own, which is arguably the most important part.

(also there were some issue with the pacing but more on that later-)

This recreation respected the main story beats but added sooo much in between. And some of it was alright! I loved the fucking Roulx bit so much and the Swatchling dying was cool too, but... Most other additions felt like so much.

Like, the problem really lies in the fact that you cannot forget what the source material is like. Even during Snowgrave this game remains goofy! Look at Spamton NEO's fight, the dialogue is so sad and yet so funny. HE EVEN TELLS YOU TO GO PLAY MINECRAP AT SOME POINT!

You cannot ignore the sheer goofiness in Spamton tagging along with Kris because he lost his goddamn keys. The video took itself way too seriously, when there was so much comedy to play off on! Roulx at least did his part for that ����😔

Unfortunately the absence of goofiness translates as an over presence of edginess. And with edginess comes out of characterness. And lord did this get kind of edgy. Like, I get it, snowgrave, manipulation and whatnot, but they ramped it waaay up to the point it just made Kris seem evil for no reason!

Because we sure as hell started this route but Kris was the one to continue it. Like when they tied Spamton up. What was up with that? Or hell, THE SOLID MINUTE BEATING HE TOOK. The player didn't instruct them to do any of those, Kris did it on their own. And it's almost fucking hilarious to see, but it's played completely straight, it's Narmy as fuck !!!!

Kris wasn't the only OOC tho, Spamton was too. Sure Kris has him at the foot of the canyon doing all the murdering himself, and the Addison bit was edgy but I can excuse it bc 1) I have a soft spot I'm not all hate 2) it was in the dream, but this puppet would NOT care about killing so many. His ass did not FLINCH when giving you the thorn ring. He was soooo okay with you freezing everyone, to act like this would be any different is just untrue.

And!!! And, another thing. The heart ripping off part. I have very mixed feelings about that... I mean, i think it's meant to have some Deeper Meaning? As to justify Spamton's ending? More on that in a second btw; but like, I think Spamton was just huffing copium to justify getting his ass handed by a 13 yo. So it's like... It's the same as I said with Spamton's reaction, Kris wouldn't care more about this than they cared about Snowgrave.

UNLESS they just tried to rip their heart out bc they fucking hated Spamton and couldn't stand being around his annoying ass any second longer, in which case the beating is justified too, but that's just a possible interpretation 👍 KEHEMDHNDDB

Like, so much would've had improved if this video stuck to the stablished in Snowgrave and in the og post, going not for physical abusive but psychological one. I'm sure the post said you had to CONVINCE Spamton, that would've been way more fitting to see! And it makes Kris neutral while we are evil.

But, hey, it wasn't all bad, so let me point out some bits I REALLY liked that I haven't pointed out yet like: the boat ride pic. The little comment as they pretended to be friends about it not being genuine was so good. The Swatchling dying and Queen trying to interrupt also was sick. Roulx, cannot stress that enough... SWATCH'S LIL GOOFY ASS LETTER, SAYING TO NOT BE BLUE. Also Swatch (or a Swatchling but I think it was the bird themselves) jumpscared me hard when they went behind the door. God, and the queen fight too, that was so faithful.

But! It segways me perfectly into my last complain which is ! The pacing of this video was so over the place omfg. There's so many scenes that did NOT need to be that long. Like c'mon, we already had deviations from the original gameplay, you don't need to make fights like 5 minutes long.

Wild to see how good the op was at some very hard attacks but how bad they were at others.

OVERALL 👏 no hard feelings toward the creator I fully encourage you watching the video and agreeing or disagreeing with me but man, how I wish it had been sillier. That's my final review of the salt route concept video 👍

[ethercvl]

kris   wouldn't   really   say   that   he   had   a   problem   with   them   being   the   one   to   host   the   other   courts.   admittedly   he   wasn't   fond   of   the   amount   of   fae   that   were   walking   around   their   court.   actually   having   the   other   courts   in   the   summer   court   once   would   have   aided   him   in   his   shenanigans   that   he   loved   to   get   into.   distracting   alina   and   the   guards   even   more   for   him   to   get   into   petty   trouble.   though   the   summer   lord   had   left   that   all   behind   for   the   most   part.   something   in   the   time   that   they   had   been   in   the   dusk   court   had   left   him   wanting   to   actually   help   his   sister   rather   than   making   her   life   a   living   hell.   though   he   still   unintentionally   did   that.   "has   she   ever   truly   done   anything   that   she   wanted   done   herself?   the   mother   doesn't   even   communicate   with   the   you   or   the   other   high   rulers.   she   will   only   relay   messages   through   the   high   priestesses.   giving   powers   to   another   being   to   take   out   the   high��  rulers   is   not   surprising.   however   i   am   not   sure   that   was   her   intention   in   giving   him   these   powers.   what   has   lavinia   had   to   say   about   any   of   it?   has   she   heard   from   the   mother   since   our   return?"   kris   didn't   begin   to   understand   the   inner   workings   of   the   deity   that   they   had   all   worshipped   for   their   whole   lives.   "he   knows   it   all   too   well.   there's   a   likely   chance   that   he   chose   specific   members   of   courts   to   mess   with   their   high   rulers   for   this   exact   reason.   whether   they   betrayed   their   courts   or   betrayed   the   king   is   to   be   determined.   did   anyone   of   summer   come   to   you   about   being   approached?"   some   part   of   kris   had   hoped   that   no   one   in   summer   had   betrayed   them   to   work   with   the   king.   however   given   his   previous   lack   of   interest   in   being   useful   to   the   summer   court   he   was   not   someone   that   was   often   filled   in   on   what   was   happening   within   his   own   court.   "that   is   what   it   sounded   like   from   alaric   as   well,   that   he   is   not   speaking   with   any   of   them.   i   think   that   is   the   part   that   his   him   so   on   edge   within   his   own   court."   kris   is   not   involved   in   the   summer   court   the   way   that   alaric   is   to   gaea,   he   wouldn't   truly   be   able   to   understand   not   having   that   good   leadership   missing.   "i   don't   know   if   he   did   or   did   not.   however   yes   it   is   wise   not   go   around   spreading   panic   over   a   hunch."   his   telling   alina   of   the   scholar's   hunch   that   kabir   wanted   to   potentially   remove   the   current   high   rulers   was   not   because   he   wanted   everyone   to   know.   he   needed   alina   to   at   least   know   so   that   she   wouldn't   be   blindsided.   the   last   thing   that   he   wanted   to   see   was   his   sister's   life   ended   early   because   of   a   child   that   wasn't   getting   his   way.   at   least   this   way   she   knew   to   keep   an   eye   on   him   before   he   tried   to   do   something   to   her.   and   maybe   the   other   high   rulers   should   be   aware. 

"there's   a   lot   unknown   with   the   dark   deity   from   dusk,   however   yes   none   of   the   beings   that   have   entered   the   cauldron   have   come   out   as   strong   and   powerful   as   she   has.   it   is   hard   to   know   what   is   going   to   come   of   her   being   freed   from   the   dusk   court."   he   couldn't   blame   the   dark   deity   for   holding   resentment   over   them   and   their   mother.   he'd   have   likely   had   the   same   reaction   should   he   have   been   unwillingly   tossed   into   the   cauldron.   "he   wanted   you   to   know   this,   it   was   not   my   idea   to   tell   you."   as   much   as   he   wanted   to   accept   her   thanks,   he   could   not.   days   before   they   had   come   to   summer   he   hadn't   been   intending   on   sharing   anything   with   her.   their   conversation   of   the   gaean   scholar   when   she   had   first   been   informed   of   him   by   his   guard   always   weighed   on   his   mind,   remaining   one   of   the   main   reasons   he'd   kept   things   from   her   for   so   long.   it   was   at   alaric's   suggestion   that   she   know   about   their   conversation   that   he   had   approached   the   older   dragomir.

when   kris   had   told   the   gaean   scholar   that   it   was   time   for   him   to   meet   and   speak   with   his   older   sister   he   had   not   been   the   most   eager.   it's   a   big   step   in   their   relationship   alone,   and   it   doesn't   help   that   kris'   sister   is   the   high   lady   of   his   very   court.   some   part   of   the   summer   lord   wanted   to   delay   the   two   of   them   meeting,   alina   wasn't   exactly   the   most   approachable   of   his   sisters.   lavinia   or   morgana   probably   would   have   been   the   better   ones   to   meet   first   before   the   high   lady.   however   this   wasn't   a   normal   time,   and   it   wasn't   about   him   meeting   his   family.   it   was   about   everything   else   that   was   happening   between   their   court   and   the   king   that   the   scholar   had   been   working   for.   "i   know   i   did   not   go   about   it   in   the   correct   order,   but   i   am   serious   about   him."   kris   had   never   felt   the   way   he   felt   about   the   gaean   scholar   to   anyone   in   his   past.   he'd   dated   here   and   there   in   his   life,   but   nothing   had   ever   become   as   serious   as   the   relationship   that   he   had   formed   with   the   gaean   scholar.   with   everything   so   unbalanced   in   gaea   and   the   scholar   admitting   that   he   did   not   know   if   he   could   remain   in   gaea,   kris   had   impulsively   let   the   man   know   that   he   would   welcome   him   in   the   summer   court.   yes   he   should   have   spoken   to   alina   before   he   had   done   something   that   important.   however   he   wouldn't   have   gone   back   and   changed   that.   regardless   of   the   answer   that   he   receives   from   the   scholar.   it   wasn't   him   asking   the   scholar   to   join   him,   it   was   simply   an   offer   that   if   he   did   choose   to   leave   his   court   that   kris   would   happily   accept   him.   "can   you   guarantee   that?   what   will   happen   to   gaea   should   the   king   be   taken   out?   will   another   king   be   appointed,   will   it   be   one   of   the   current   high   rulers?"   as   much   as   he   wanted   to   believe   that   alina   wanted   that   for   the   gaean   fae   he   wasn't   sure   that   it   was   something   that   she   had   full   control   over.   what   if   the   other   court's   didn't   agree   on   that?   that   was   the   part   that   he   feared   through   all   of   this.   what   was   to   become   if   the   fae   that   were   part   of   the   king's   court?   "i   don't   know   if   he   is   easily   scared   off,   but   you   can   be   very   intimidating   alina.   i   haven't   introduced   him   to   anyone   yet   and   somehow   i'm   starting   with   the   high   lady,   of   course   he   is   going   to   be   scared."

"as  inconvenient  as  this  is,  our  court  is  more  than  prepared  to  house  and  withstand  this  many  bodies."  the  issue  would  be  ensuring  they  all  behaved,  and  the  summer  fae  did  not  go  near  the  drakes.  while  alina  wishes  to  be  home,  she  would  never  desire  it  with  the  cost  of  throwing  their  court  into  utter  chaos.  although  she  knew,  they  would  be  switching  courts  until  their  own  deity  found  a  way  to  deal  with  the  dark  mother  permanently.  the  high  lady  yet  cannot  understand  why  it  was  taking  her  so  long.  the  dark  mother  came  from  the  cauldron,  how  is  it  that  this  deity  is  equally  strong  as  prythian's  mother?  none  of  it  quite  made  logical  sense  either,  and  while  she'd  not  proclaim  to  understand  divine  magic,  in  no  world  should  a  cauldron  born  deity  be  as  strong  as  one  created  from  the  very  cosmos  of  their  world.  and  here  they  were  in  absolute  lunacy.  she  nods  as  her  brother  explains  how  his  scholar  came  to  this  knowledge."i  find  it  just  a  bit  amusing  she  gave  kabir  the  power  to  eliminate  us  but  does  not  have  the  galls  to  do  so  herself.  this  is  a  very  strange  puzzle  this  one.  i  suppose  him  finding  mindless  fae  to  control  is  not  too  far  off  of  his  agenda.  seems  as  if  he  does  understand  the  current  rulers  will  not  stand  for  this,  and  if  does  knows  this,  his  current  disappearance  might  be  him  forming  plans  to  be  rid  of  us."  they  couldn't  rule  it  out  that  he's  preparing  to  do  this,  which  meant  alina  would  have  to  urge  the  other  rulers  to  work  quickly  with  her  to  be  ready.  she  does  dimly  wonder  how  long  kris  kept  this  before  sharing  it  with  his  sister?  not  that  she  would  hold  it  against  him,  in  the  end  he  did  share  this  pivotal  information  with  her.  "neither  has  the  rest  of  his  circle,  i  gathered  as  much.  seems  he  has  no  use  for  them  when  he's  made  up  his  mind."  her  gaze  shifted  to  her  brother,  "i  understand,  wise  to  not  spread  panic  among  the  rest."  there  was  enough  of  that  going  around  already.  the  more  kris  spoke  of  his  scholar,  the  more  the  high  lady  can  be  certain  alaric  did  understand  that  his  king  was  no  longer  the  boy  he  knew.  that  also  left  room  for  one  question  :  would  he  and  the  rest  of  the  gaen  fae  aid  doing  what's  necessary  to  eliminate  this  threat  and  going  against  him  ?  "yes.  she  despised  us  all.  our  mother  threw  her  into  the  cauldron,  but  we  still  don't  know  why  she  emerged  strong.  no  fae  going  into  that  cauldron  comes  out  with  the  magic  of  divine.  the  fact  that  our  mother's  hasn't  been  able  to  contain  the  other  one  is  also  worrying."  she  shifted  her  posture  in  her  chair,  while  holding  his  gaze,  when  she  spoke  next  it  was  a  notch  softer.  "thank  you,  kris,  for  bringing  this  to  me.  i'm  not  certain  your  scholar  would  have  wanted  you  to  share  sensitive  information  with  even  myself,  but  i  want  you  to  know  what  you've  done  here,  and  how  this  will  help  your  sister,  as  well  as  the  other  rulers  prepare."  that  familiar  sense  of  pride  that  was  tied  to  her  siblings,  made  itself  known  against  as  she  appraises  her  brother.

"i  do  not  imagine  he  will  be  eager  -  for  various  reasons."  she  points  out,  that  his  relationship  with  the  high  lady's  brother  alone  would  have  the  scholar  hesitate  before  approaching  her.  if  happened  to  cross  paths  with  him,  she  would  make  an  effort  to  at  least  know  him  and  gage  for  herself  how  she  felt  about  her  brother  being  involved  with  him.  personally,  she  held  nothing  against  anyone,  that  would  require  further  energy,  but  alaric  had  certain  proved  himself  enough  and  then  there's  the  fact  of  what  she  finds  in  her  brother's  gaze  when  his  name  is  mentioned.  kris  appears  happy,  and  in  the  end  alina  cannot  deny  him  or  any  of  her  siblings  their  happiness,  despite  her  personal  feelings  and  mistrustful  nature.  "i  won't  condone  your  impulsive  decision,  but  i  understand  why  you  offered  him  a  place  here.  it's  complicated  for  his  entire  court  and  the  most  difficult,  the  uncertainty  they  feel  without  a  proper  leader.  "  it  made  it  all  more  difficult  to  share  with  her  brother,  what  she  intends  to  do  when  kabir  did  appear.  as  much  one  might  expect  the  worst  from  alina,  she  didn't  want  gaea  and  it's  fae  to  be  harmed.  the  logical  side  of  her  knew  the  benefits  of  having  a  talented  scholar  in  summer  now  they  didn't  have  one.  alina  also  hasn't  been  hasty  in  taking  a  new  scholar,  fearing  of  this  repeating.  poppy's  sacrifice  already  leaving  her  unnerved  and  troubled.  "for  what  it's  worth,  the  fae  of  gaea  will  not  have  their  homes  taken  from  them,  regardless  of  what  happens  after  all  this."  she  didn't  know  how  this  would  be  managed,  but  it  would,  there  are  eight  rulers,  she'd  hate  to  think  they  could  not  come  up  with  something.  "i  will,  and  he's  already  taken  a  step  forward  by  sharing  this  information  with  you."  it  did  count  for  something  for  the  high  lady,  but  she's  always  been  fair  and  given  credit  where  it's  due.  a  brow  rises  at  his  request,  "is  he  the  sort  to  be  scared  off  so  easily?  that  too  from  a  protective  sister?"  alina  didn't  intend  to  do  any  such  thing,  but  nor  she  could  help  how  she  appears  to  others.

[robotnik-mun]

So, while I primarily jaw about Sonic stuff? I’m also a pretty avid Deltarune fan, and like most in the Fandom I got my own ideas and theories of where this is all heading to. Now, the Big Stuff has been covered a dozen times by now, and better than I could do it, so I’m gonna introduce something a little small scale.

Namely, I think I got an idea of what is up with Kris’ half of the bedroom.

At a glance, this paints an incredibly dismal picture of Kris as a person, especially in contrast with Azzy’s half of the bedroom. It’s just a void of anything you’d expect a teenager to have- no decorations, no awards, nothing to indicate they have any kind of hobbies or interests, not even an alarm clock. Kris’ life is just an unholy, unnatural blank.

Likewise, it says nothing good about Kris’ dynamic with their family, at a glance. What kind of brother lords their accomplishments over their sibling in such a gratuitous manner? What kind of parents PERMIT something like this to occur? You’d be under the impression that Kris is blatantly neglected and overlooked, and it would seem born out by the fact virtually everyone in Hometown is more interested in talking TO Kris about Azzy rather than conversing with Kris for their own sake. The game system in the Dreemurr household has one good controller and one outdated, junky controller. Berdly even refers to Kris as a ‘fellow bluebird’, the context making it clear he regards Kris as being unremarkable and ignored as Berdly himself was prior to the Spelling Bee.

Yeah, this room seems symbolic about Kris, doesn’t it?

Only... I’m not actually sure this room being this way is why we think it is. As we learn more about Kris it becomes clear that Kris isn’t some blank slate we pilot, but someone who does in fact have interests and hobbies and all that jazz, as any teenager should. Nor is Kris actually being neglected by their family- the ‘bad’ controller is used by Asriel rather than Kris. Kris is in fact greatly loved by their family, from what we see. So why is none of that reflected in their half of the room?

I think Kris’ half isn’t like this because Kris is completely unaccomplished and lacking in things they like. I think, at one point in the past, Kris’ corner was every bit as decorated as Azzy’s... and then, for whatever reason, Kris willingly decided to just get rid of it all, and chooses to live this way for reasons that we can guess at, but will probably become clear the further along we go.

Why do I think this? Because whatever their failings as people, I have an incredibly hard time believing that Toriel OR Asgore are so negligent and oblivious that they’d allow a set up like this to persist unless it was by Kris’ own choice. I could be wrong, mind you, and I do believe that Kris’ parents are at some level unwilling to confront that Kris has problems... but I don’t think that even with that caveat that either of them is so utterly incompetent as to just allow one child to seemingly flaunt their accomplishments in front of the other like this.

And then there’s Azzy himself. We don’t know anything about how Asriel is in the present. So far the picture we have painted for us though indicates that he is in fact a good guy who cares deeply for his sibling (as well as being a colossal dork at odds with the kind of Golden Boy that the rest of the town has constructed him to be). So on that front, it seems incredibly unlikely that Asriel would make his half of the room the way it is given how it’d look for Kris. And even if the truth is that Asriel is in fact a horrible asshole (which strikes me as unlikely-but-possible), then it comes back to Asgore and Toriel not allowing this even if Asriel was covering up his actual bad intentions.

Therefore? My conclusion is that Kris, for whatever reason, has gotten rid of all the things that defined THEIR half of the room, and is choosing to live this weird, miserable existence that we see them living. Why they’re doing this, as with everything else, is open to heavy interpretation. My own suspicions range from them doing it out of sheer self-loathing, to them deliberately doing it to hide the details of their life from Us, the Player... there’s a lot going on here that indicates things with Kris go far beyond what We see, and they are privy to thinks that We aren’t. But either way, their corner being the way it is? Is due entirely to their own choice, and Toriel is simply permitting it even though its not a healthy thing for Kris to be doing at all.

In the end we’ll only know once the rest of this game is finally released (and God I hope that’s soon you seriously have no idea), but for now? I choose to believe that Kris’ life isn��t as barren as this room would indicate... they simply, for whatever reason, are unwilling to share that life with others at this point, either due to the events of the past or due to not wanting Us to see.

... I also like to think that, if this is true, Toriel is storing all of Kris’ things in the attic in the hopes that one day they’ll want it back. That however is less textual based and more Realm Of Pure Headcanon, heh.

[sukimas]

broadly i think a problem of most of the fire emblem games with avatars is that despite being the main character the avatar isn't allowed to do anything when they are one.

they're not allowed to have ideas that drive the plot; other characters have to suggest them to them. they're not allowed to have ambitions, or to lose things that are important to them besides single people; they only care tangentially, because the people they care about have actual hope and despair in their lives. they're generally not allowed to make decisions (even when we make decisions for them.)

i think a good example of a character who does not fall into this trap (and the character i consider the best-written avatar; their game's story does them few favors, but allowed to be in a plot that's not full of holes, they'd shine) is robin. robin is consistently allowed to make decisions. they make tactical choices. they come into situations and choose how the situation's gonna go; they're gonna set a navy on fire (or they're gonna come up with a plan to thwart their evil father) all on their own, whether we would've come up with the plan or not. they get to do things and be things, despite the fact that they're an amnesiac with no real reason to be with the main army, because they are allowed to take actions.

of the avatars that aren't allowed to do things, there are two types. the first is the understandable ones: kris and shez. kris and shez are just kind of Guys Who Are Being Paid To Be Here. though they can sometimes come up with suggestions, they're never shown to be anything but emotional support for the real protagonists (as much or as little emotional support as those protagonists might need) and they generally get tossed around wherever the winds of fate take them because that's the kind of life they lead.

on the other hand, we come to the problem children.

byleth and corrin have absolutely no agency in their stories, and both of them are written (far more than any of the others) as the true main characters. though the three country lords in three houses do drive much of the plot, they are not the characters we see the internality of- not our marth/roy/ike. we don't get their perspective. we do, for comparison, get chrom's; this is what makes awakening weird in that it actually has deuteragonists.

so, our two true main character avatars. they do not get to make decisions. sure, you get to choose what house you teach/what kingdom you side with. but this is ultimately an uninformed decision in both cases; either way it's just your (and their) gut judgment (unless you've been spoiled online already as to what happens on each route). after the routes begin, you do make interpersonal decisions (do you want to spare or kill xyz character?); but all the decisions actually relevant to the events of the plot are left to other characters (generally azura or whichever lord you picked. in silver snow it ends up being seteth.) this is especially glaring with byleth, where you can make dialogue choices that do not actually alter any characters' dialogue that follows whatsoever. (ironically this is fixed in three hopes. go shez!)

anyway, i am hoping that because alear is not immediately joined by people who are clearly in positions of authority above them/know lots more than them (veyle doesn't seem to be that present, and the guardians are very clearly their subordinates) they will get to make Decisions sometimes, even if those decisions are primarily motivated by information they get from others. i believe that the main problem of fire emblem avatars is not that the plot revolves around them or that they're not very fleshed out characters- certainly they're no more poorly fleshed out than for example eliwood or seliph, as a whole- but that they don't actually do anything in the plots of their games. i think that given alear doesn't have someone who can clearly tell them what to do and will thus have to sometimes make a choice once in a while, that it's possible that they break the cycle and get to pull a robin again.

(maybe with a more coherent plot this time? i can hope.)

[sashibunbun]

So something I’ve noticed.

I can tell a lot of people haven’t gotten some things about Deltarune, don’t know whether it’s too subtle for them, or if they’re unknowingly just falling back to some now entrenched ideas. The Snowgrave/Wierd/Pepis/Genocide/Mindbreak the Nice Reindeer Girl Route, as well as Jevil-Spamtom-Whoever the bonuses on the later chapters will be also do it, as well as an even bigger problem, that seems to come from not getting that it’s not Undertale 2. More below the cut

it’s not Kris doing these things, in fact Kris seems to obviously not like it. You get back after the Berdley battle and winner winner frozen chicken dinner, and Susie and Ralsei notic that Chris is, excuse the language, fucking horrified at what YOU did, and when he wants to act on his own, he rips out your connection to him, his SOUL. Hell so far the bonus bosses have even pointed this out hard, with Spamtom NEO being so incredibly on the nose that even somebody blind could see it, he’s not the only one in the fight with strings holding him up. 

And hoo boy the whole route to getting Spamtom Neo as the final boss, where you, not Kris, but you the player, decide to break the mind of Noelle. It’s subtle, but if you actually pay attention, it becomes a better, “dude, what the fuck” moment than the full Genocide rout of Undertale, because there’s literally no getting around that it’s you the player doing it, it’s you the player using Kris for a bit, just to get into Noelle’s head, she thinks it’s Kris, but who merely whispers their new plaything’s name to snowgrave the Snowgrave Route’s Spamtom Neo after Kris calls for his two friends, and they don’t come? You, You whisper Noelle’s name and like the good, now broken, girl she is, she comes running and kills an enemy. And see above, Kris is likely fucking horrified both because of what Noelle’s become and what YOU have done.

And speaking of Undertale, dear lord, how has it been nearly three years and people are still acting like this is Undertale 2? Toby might be known for reusing some things (Megalovania, certain other melodies, characters), but he’s from the RPG era I’m from, where even if you reuse models and names, the characters, sounds or even themes can be the same and have it be totally different. Like this is the ear when the Lunar, Mother, and Breath of Fire series were the odd ones out. Where the Mana series/style led to literally YEARS of Secret of Evermore being considered someplace in there even though it’s a totally separate game with no ties. It’s not Undertale 2 so, and I’m going out on limb here, you’re not going to have a lot of the same things that were explained or put in in Undertale (monsters turn to dust, W.D. Gaster being a meta joke about dummied out characters, a simple genocide run, Humans being the special species with DETERMINATION). Hell the Hometown of Chapter 1 kinda points this out with how incredibky weird things are compared to Undertale. Undyne has both eyes, and doesn’t know who Alphys is, Bratty and Catty aren’t friends, hell they’re not your basic queen bee types, Mettaton never got his body, Asgore and Toriel aren’t together, but not because Asgore (intentionally, see the theory on December Holiday) killed kids, but because of something else.

In short on this portion, You are an edlritch entity controlling a troubled kid, who has the power to make his life better or fuck with everybody else in horrifying ways in a world that might have familiar faces, but is vastly different.

Now the second part. The December Holiday incident.

So Chapter 2 (and parts of Chapter 1′s Hometown section) brought to light something that might have really screwed up Kris, Toriel and Asgore’s marriage, The Holidays, and hell might even be the whole reason Kris is absolutely 100% able to be used by you (remember, you are an eldritch being who’s making these puppets, especially Kris, dance on your strings). It’s what I call the December Holiday Incident.

So we know that Noel has an older sister named Dess, and given some context, it’s probably short for December because of the Calendar in Noelle’s, “Algorythmically Generated” Room and the fact that she froze up on an easy word like December at the spelling bee, and her family’s theme naming (Rudolph, Noel-le). We also know that Kris, Noelle, Dess, and Azzy used to play together, and something happened.

My theory is that the Dreemur and Holiday kids were playing around that bunker or whatever it is down south, during the winter (becomes important with Noelle), and Dess went missing, like out of the blue missing. Asgore and everybody starts searching, because the cops really have nothing better to do, Winter turns to Spring (all the while Noelle is searching up to see if she’s turned up somewhere, because she searched December Holiday enough that Queen caught it), and it comes around, and Asgore gives up, either because he found Dess and there was evidence of Kris being involved, or He figured out where she went and likely had Noelle’s mom on his back to hide whatever it was, either way, he looks incompetent, and like he or somebody he knows may have just killed her, leading to his stepping down, Toriel can’t forgive this and divorces him and because it’s because of what happened for him to step down, she gets both Azzy and Kris. Any way it goes, there’s something about December Holiday, winter, her missing, that bunker thing and all of Asgore’s problem, as evidenced by Noelle and certain breadcrumbs about what happened. So no, Asgore probably didn’t kill a kid, but he may have, through intentional or unintentional negligence killed a kid and that’s why he’s where he is, why he’s treatin Rudy (his best friend) like a romantic partner, why Kris (before you et your little fingers in him) is probably a troubled kid, and why Noelle is so big on ice and has her moments of trauma.

[emblemxeno]

My only real problem with more modern fes is how avatar heavy theyre getting. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind the inclusion, but I take issue from a writing standpoint on putting so much weight to a character who, basically by definition, doesn’t have much personality to them.

Tbh I’d argue Robin and Corrin are more like custom units than avatars bc they do have definable personalities. Robin is level headed strategist where Corrin is closer to a standard lord with a pacifist lean and kind heart.

Byleth however is a void in canon. Yeah you can pull fanon however you want, no problem with that. But they aren’t given much to work with, they have vas but are allowed to speak in any sort of dialogue which makes no sense to be bc the other avatars spoke. ‘Emotionless’ characters can work. I fuckin love Lukas (not strictly emotionless but... muted?). Idk I just feel like they could get more out of the story if they just... made them a real character.

A side grip without much weight is the motley crew vibe that just didn’t quite make it into 3H seeing as you pretty much have everyone youre gonna get/ have met everyone by the time the timeskip happens so like yeah

Exactly. The problem wasn’t really the avatars themselves since self inserts are fine on their own, but the problem comes when the story takes away logic and upends other character’s motivations/personalities for their sake.

Robin and Corrin have their own established personalities and important positions, so the fact that they get focus makes sense, even if characters like Tharja and Camilla can push it a little far.

Kris pushed boundaries because while they also had their own character, they took a lot of screentime away from what was originally Marth’s story.

Byleth is quite literally a void who gets praise and positions handed to them a lot, and to the point where they can have characters abandon their homelands because they were that good of a teacher. It takes away from any sway that the house leaders or the church members may have because it’s all dependent on Byleth. 

It’ll always be the execution that matters more than the concept when it comes to avatar characters in FE imo, despite what others may say.

[pibt-tm]

Could you explain why you’re opposed to the headcanon of Kristoph being abusive? I’m just curious.

Sure, I’ll try.

I’m assuming my take on this isn’t popular, but I don’t care. I understand why people think of Kristoph as an abusive brother, but I feel like some (not all) fans who hc him as abusive take it to a whole new level. Since the Gavin bros don’t have any backstory or much of a sibling relationship established, that leaves people room to fill in the blanks with whatever they like, and some people like to fill in those blanks with as much distasteful angst as possible. They absolutely had angst in their relationship, but there is such a thing as too much, and I feel like some people are creating more angst for the sake of torture porn (please Google that term if you’ve never seen it before, it’s not what you think it means). Personally speaking, I don’t think Kristoph was abusive. Manipulative, yes, but abusive? That can be up for interpretation, and I assume most people headcanon that just because he is a villain. I guess I’m okay with the headcanon that he made Klavier feel shitty sometimes and that he played with his mind when they were adults (because the latter is sort of canon). But good lord I really don’t like the stuff people make where Kris would deliberately grope Klav, choke him, make him bleed, call him nasty things, drive him to dangerous behavior, etc. etc. It’s just torture porn. I think there are ways to establish the problems in their relationship without creating distasteful content. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen plenty of good angsty fan art and fanfiction involving them. I live for the angst, but only if it’s done properly and it realistically reflects their relationship/personalities from what we’ve seen in the game.

And I do not hold this opinion because I’m defending Kris or his relationship with his brother. I don’t like him as a person and I don’t condone any of his actions; Kris can go fuck himself in his prison cell for all I care.

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, November 2

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Jealous O.J. Simpson killed Nicole Brown over sizzling photos 

Page 2: Melanie Griffith was caught in lockdown meltdown mode outside her Los Angeles home yelling at an unsuspecting laborer and giving him a good working over after he somehow crossed her bath and pushed her buttons but it doesn’t take much to get Mel to blow these days because she’s upset about two things which are getting old and not having a man in her life 

Page 3: Lisa Marie Presley’s son Ben Keough’s tragic last moments were caught on tape as he argued with his girlfriend according to the coroner’s report on his suicide and security camera footage also captured the eerie sound of an apparent gunshot said the officer who viewed the tape -- Ben had hosted a party for his girlfriend Diana Pinto then about 4 a.m. the 27-year-old musician went to his bedroom; two hours later Diana went to check on him and had to jimmy the bedroom door lock with a bobby pin and she discovered his body and called 911 but Ben was pronounced dead at the scene -- since his death a devastated Lisa Marie has blamed herself for not intervening sooner; Ben had been to rehab several months before and Lisa Marie could see he was struggling with drugs and depression and she has kept a close eye on Ben’s gravesite with Graceland’s surveillance system 

Page 4: Anne Heche’s shocking public pronouncement that she wants to reunite with former galpal Ellen DeGeneres was met with fury from Ellen wife Portia de Rossi -- Ellen and Anne were Hollywood’s highest-profile lesbian couple when they dated for three years before their bitter split in 2000 and they haven’t spoken since but Anne announced after her elimination on Dancing with the Stars that she would love to appear on The Ellen DeGeneres Show but Portia has made it clear she wants Anne nowhere near her wife and she believes Anne is using Ellen to drum up publicity for herself, lonely Ryan Seacrest is longing for a reunion with former flame Shayna Taylor but she wants no part of him -- workaholic Ryan announced the combustible couple’s third split in June after eight on-and-off years together -- Ryan’s obsession with being the next Dick Clark tests the patience of everybody around him and it’s made him a nightmare to be in a relationship with as Shayna found out firsthand -- Ryan seemed so cocky and sure that breaking up was the right thing to do but not having Shayna there to lean on has really gotten to him however Shayna is refusing to be played for a fool 

Page 5: Kelly Clarkson made a massive mistake dumping husband Brandon Blackstock according to famed numerologist Glynis McCants 

Page 6: Doting dad Kanye West is spoiling oldest daughter North rotten and it’s causing even more problems between him and wife Kim Kardashian because Kim feels North is getting too spoiled but Kanye won’t hear any of it because North is his firstborn and his princess and he treats her like it -- North is regularly served breakfast in bed on a silver tray and gets whatever she wants even if it’s waffles with strawberries and ice cream and she also has a team of beauticians and a stylist to cater to her every need as though she was a full-grown woman and her wardrobe is extensive and expensive and she never wears the same designer outfit twice plus North also loves to shop online for jewelry and Kanye gives her his credit card and she can spend $100,000 in a single sitting and Kanye just thinks it’s cute 

Page 7: Daring Jill Duggar and husband Derick Dillard are rebelling against her conservative parents and causing a full-scale family war as the couple has publicly defied Baptist patriarch Jim Bob Duggar several times since their 2014 marriage and now they’ve been banned from the 19 Kids and Counting reality clan; Jim Bob’s even demanded that their neighbors have nothing to do with them -- Jill and Derick drew Jim Bob’s fury after criticizing her parents’ conservative views and shutting down their own family factory after having two sons and said they’re stopping there for now unlike Jill’s folks who had 19 kids, dog lover Jennifer Aniston adores her new rescue puppy but potty-training the pooch has been the pits so desperate Jen had to sign up her new pup Lord Chesterfield for private lessons with a dog trainer -- she has two other dogs Clyde and Sophie but they’re well-behaved and know to do their business outdoors and Jen loves them all but she forgot how much work it is to train a puppy 

Page 8: Prince Harry’s wife Meghan Markle revealed her private battle with depression as her struggles with first-time motherhood and fitting in with the rigid royal family pushed her over the edge but Queen Elizabeth thinks her conniving confession is simply a ploy to sully the monarchy -- Meghan described the emotional pain caused by criticism as a death by a thousand cuts and said if people are saying things about you that aren’t true what that does to your mental and emotional health is so damaging -- Queen Elizabeth believes Meghan’s confession is a calculated attack on the monarchy and Meghan is acting like the royals waged a war against her but Meghan and Harry’s actions since they quit have infuriated Her Majesty because Meghan keeps orchestrating situations where she takes center stage appearing to support and put the spotlight on those in need but she turns them all into opportunities to talk about herself and how hard her struggle is

Page 9: Rattled Tyra Banks’ rocky start on Dancing with the Stars has her looking for a way to waltz off the show and she is already trying to back out of hosting because she hates the criticism she’s been getting from virtually everyone plus she’s unpopular with the contestants and is bickering behind the scenes with producers who now regret replacing longtime hosts Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews -- ratings have also plummeted since Tyra took the helm with the show losing more than a million viewers in early October from the same week in 2019

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Gwen Stefani during a photo session in Calabasas, Tiffany Haddish used a leaf blower during a skit on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Justin Bieber on a scooter in Beverly Hills, Zosia Mamet donned a unicorn horn as she wrapped the final scenes of The Flight Attendant, Robert Pattinson and Colin Farrell on the Liverpool set of The Batman 

Page 11: John Oliver’s jokey jabs have earned him a crappy honor from the town of Danbury in Connecticut -- after he ragged on tony Danbury on his show Mayor Mark Boughton vowed to rename its sewage plant after him and now it’s official that the Danbury Sewage Plant is now the John Oliver Memorial Sewage Plant and as promised John is donating $55,000 to local charities which has spurred fundraising efforts for local food banks and Boughton is offering tours of the plant for $500 donations to local food pantries, ailing Phil Collins was rocked by ex-wife Orianne’s betrayal and pals fear he won’t make it to Christmas -- the singer was shocked when it emerged that Orianne who he’d divorced in 2006 and reunited with a decade later married another man in Las Vegas and the stunning news prompted him to serve an eviction notice to get her out of his Miami home and his life for good but Orianne refused to leave

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Nev Schulman on roller blades in an L.A. parking lot (picture), Eboni K. Williams only landed the gig on The Real Housewives of New York City because she co-hosts State of the Culture on Sean Diddy Combs’ Revolt TV cable network and Bravo is desperate to get famous New Yorkers on the show so cameras will be following Eboni around at work hoping to catch Diddy, with Keeping Up with the Kardashians ending E! is looking for the next big reality family and it may be Sylvester Stallone’s daughters Sophia and Sistine and Scarlet Stallone who are all models and not one has a sex tape, with Bravo boss Andy Cohen and axed Housewife NeNe Leakes at war their mutual friends are being forced to pick sides -- Andy gave NeNe access to his famous non-reality show friends and now he’s regretting it -- Kelly Ripa and Anderson Cooper are all Team Andy

Page 13: Kris Kristofferson is battling Alzheimer’s disease and has been forced to retire from singing and acting but the songwriter is in the best place he can be at his home in Maui with family and friends who are surrounding him with love and support, frantic Kate Gosselin is feeling a financial pinch and ready to take a bath on her house by putting her $1.2 million mansion on the market for a measly $815,000 because she’s been struggling with money because she hasn’t worked in a while and living off the money she made in past 

Page 14: Crime 

Page 15: Marie Osmond was blue over being booted from The Talk but husband Steve Craig gave her something to get over it which was a stunning pair of opal and tanzanite earrings worth nearly $3000, Megan Thee Stallion cheated death when she was shot twice in July and is now using the terrifying incident as a platform to empower Black women and she wrote an op-ed saying the attack proved she and other Black women are not protected as human beings -- fellow rapper Tory Lanez was charged with the shooting that left two flesh-shredding wounds in Megan’s feet and allegedly took place after they argued in an SUV in Hollywood Hills 

Page 16: Cover Story -- Rampaging O.J. Simpson was driven into a kill-crazy rage after seeing photos of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson dating hunky young boytoys and flaunting her body in modeling shots -- 25 years after the disgraced football star’s 1995 acquittal intimate images from Nicole’s secret photo album including a picture of the blond beauty posing topless with lover Brett Shaves is believed to have given the jealous ex-jock a motive for murder 

Page 18: American Life -- I found a $1M diamond in the rough 

Page 19: John Travolta paid tribute to wife Kelly Preston on what would have been her 58th birthday three months after tragic death following a secret two-year battle with breast cancer -- John addressed his late love in a touching Instagram post featuring an image from their 1991 wedding day alongside a picture of his own parents as newlyweds, sci-fi legend George Takei has fired yet another shot at former Star Trek castmate William Shatner as the aging actors’ war of words continues to rage on well into their 80s -- George who played Sulu claimed Shatner was jealous of the amount of fan mail received by their late co-star Leonard Nimoy who played Spock but Captain Kirk shot off a testy response and claimed George was making things up and the only person with jealousy is George -- when told Shatner’s comments George calmly remarked that you can tell by those words that he is upset to put it mildly 

Page 20: In a rerun of their long-running rivalry Madonna and Mariah Carey are prepping dueling biopics -- their cold war dates back to the ‘90s but Mariah ramped up their feud when she revealed the very exciting prospect of her biopic but that followed Madonna’s announcement that she was collaborating on her own script -- they’re each obsessed with getting their film out first and getting the right It Girl to play her so the other one doesn’t grab her first

Page 21: Elton John and ex-wife Renate Blauel agreed to zip their lips about their four-year marriage and privately settled her $3.8 million lawsuit over claims he blabbed about their relationship in his memoir Me and the movie Rocketman, Stevie Nicks admitted her insomnia has gotten so bad that she needs therapy or needs someone to hit her on the head with a hammer -- she’s long been nocturnal and it used to be she could sleep from 5 a.m. to 1 p.m. but now says she doesn’t nod off until 8 a.m., singer Amy Winehouse died in 2011 but her dad claimed he still can’t get her out of his house -- former taxi driver Mitch Winehouse who is working on a movie and stage show about the late singer insisted he’s regularly visited by his daughter’s ghost who comes and sits at the end of his bed -- Mitch also said Amy helps around the house in his dreams 

Page 26: Niecy Nash’s new bride Jessica Betts has a nightmarish criminal past according to police reports -- Jessica was arrested twice in Chicago once for domestic battery and then for selling a gun to a minor

Page 28: Stars Who Refuse to Zip It -- cringeworthy confessions and nasty habits and more -- Jennifer Love Hewitt, Megan Fox, Al Roker, Olivia Wilde 

Page 29: Kristen Stewart on Robert Pattinson, John Mayer, Lady Gaga, Suzanne Somers 

Page 32: Demi Lovato’s relentless ex Max Ehrich refuses to let her go and her friends are worried he’s turning into a stalker -- since their breakup he’s been particularly creepy, Tatum O’Neal’s confession that she was ready to jump off the balcony of a Los Angeles home was actually a desperate cry for help -- Tatum was reportedly put on a psychiatric hold at a local hospital after the alleged incident and the event signaled she was in unbearable emotional and physical pain and she feels lost and rejected because she was the youngest Oscar winner ever and now she has trouble finding a job and lost all confidence in herself 

Page 34: India Oxenberg has confessed she was afraid of former NXIVM cult master Allison Mack of TV’s Smallville -- India found herself Allison’s slave and realized she was being groomed as a sexual partner for NXIVM leader Keith Raniere and she was branded with Raniere’s initials in her pelvic regions, a disturbing TV interview in England has sparked new fears for the well-being on boxer Mike Tyson -- Mike looked like the train wreck he was when he was plowing through drugs and was sent to prison in the early ‘90s; he looked barely conscious as he slurred his speech and offered incoherent responses -- Tyson blamed his interview on lack of sleep and insisted his contact with drugs is now limited to growing and smoking pot on his California ranch 

Page 36: Health Watch

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Zendaya 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Debbie Matenopoulos on Home and Family 

[lamptracker]

FIC: Blood in the Water, part 4

FINALLY, KRIS POSTS A FIC. 

On a Friday night?? Keepin’ it wild and crazy. 

Anyhow.

FIC: Blood in the Water, part 4

Pairing: Mob!Harrison Osterfield/Female Reader

Overall summary:  Harrison Osterfield is one of the most feared men in Kingston and leader of a notorious mob. How far will he go to protect the ones he loves?

Part summary: After learning that the head priest of a local Catholic church abused one of his men, Harrison pays the “good” Father a visit. Then, he and (y/n) find out the sex of the baby.

Warnings: Violence, maybe sacrilege, definitely making fun of gender reveal parties

I honestly do not remember who I was supposed to tag for this.

**

Tuwaine Barrett had worked for Harrison long enough to learn certain things about the business, how things worked. In three years he’d learned how to drive quickly, evade capture. He’d learned how to fire a gun, and got really good at long-range shooting. Not good enough to be a sniper, but decent enough to hold off people charging from a distance.

The main thing he learned, however: Not to ask questions.

So when Harrison called him into his office one morning a few weeks after the meeting Harry ran out of and asked Tuwaine to take him to St. Anthony’s church, he silently complied.

He wanted to ask questions. Like, why on Earth would Harrison need to go to a church in the middle of a weekday afternoon? But, he thought better of it.

That line of thinking went out the window the second Harrison asked him to call the church and make sure Father Walsh was available for confession this afternoon.

“Okay, boss. I usually don’t, but this time I have to ask-”

“Just call it a personal matter.” Harrison sighed as he poured a whiskey from the mini-bar, staring out the window as he sipped.

Tuwaine nodded. “If you say so.”

Harrison walked into the small room just off the sanctuary, closing the door behind him. He made sure the partition was slid closed all the way before clearing his throat and speaking.

“Good afternoon,” he said politely. He smoothed down the front of his jacket. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been… ten? Yeah. Ten years since my last Confession.”

“Please continue, my son,” the priest replied. 

Harrison cleared his throat again. “I accuse myself of the following sins… I’ve lied. I’ve stolen. I’ve cheated, never romantically but in business. I’ve murdered more people than I can count.”

“Um… you have?”

“You’re not supposed to interrupt me, right, Father?”

A long pause hung in the air, then: “Forgive me, my son.”

“Let’s see…oh, right. And I betrayed a friend. You see, he made me promise not to retaliate when he told me you’d molested him.” Harrison slid open the partition, peering at the man on the other side. “Does the name Harry Holland ring any bells for you?”

The priest’s eyes went wide as Harrison watched all the color drain from his face. “Um… how do you…”

“His older brother? Tom? He’s my right-hand man. Did you really think that you’d get away with this? With abusing him and God knows how many other young, innocent boys? What on Earth makes you think you can do such heinous things and still think that God will allow you into Heaven?” Harrison scoffed loudly. “Hell was created because God didn’t want people like you tarnishing His streets of gold.”

“I… I mean… I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“You didn’t know. Ignorance is not a reasonable explanation, I’m afraid.” Sighing dramatically, Harrison reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out his revolver. “You can’t pretend you’re serving the Lord while betraying Him in His own house, Father. But...I have one more sin to confess. I’m about to commit another murder. For these sins, and all those I cannot remember and am about to commit, I humbly repent and ask for absolution, counsel, and penance.” He stuck the nozzle of the revolver through the partition, making sure the silencer was firmly in place.

“No, please, don’t, stop! I-”

“Burn in Hell, you sick fuck.” Harrison squeezed the trigger; he heard the priest’s body fall to the ground with a soft thud.

Harrison walked out of the confessional and tucked his gun back into his jacket pocket. Straightening the lapels of his jacket, he took a deep, cleansing breath and walked out of the church. 

“How are you today?” a nun preparing to enter the church asked him as he stepped into the parking lot.

“Much better, Sister. You know, I always feel better after a nice, cleansing Confession.” 

The nun smiled. “Yes, it’s good for the soul. Have a nice day, dear.”

“You as well, Sister.” He smiled warmly at her and walked away as she walked into the sanctuary; he couldn’t help but laugh a little as he heard her screams echoing when he knew she’d found the body.

“You killed that priest, didn’t you?” Tuwaine asked as Harrison slid into the backseat.

Harrison just shrugged. “Not like he didn’t have it coming. Now, just drive, yeah? We’re to find out the sex of the baby today, and I don’t want to be late.”

**

“I’m scared,” (y/n) whispered as they waited for the ultrasound technician.

“Why’s that, love?” Harrison gently grasped her hand.

(Y/n) swallowed back a lump in her throat. “I… uh, what if something’s happened to this baby? What if the doctors didn’t catch it before, what if…”

“Easy, now, love.” Harrison gently pressed his lips to her forehead. “Everything will be fine. And I’m right here, okay.” He squeezed her hand. “I promise I will not let anything else happen to you.”

The technician greeted them warmly and got to work right away, spreading lubricating jelly on (y/n)’s stomach. Soon, they saw the picture of their baby on the screen and heard a loud whooshing sound.

“Everything is looking really good,” the tech said. “That sound you hear is the baby’s heartbeat, that sounds good and strong.”

(y/n) breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing her grip on Harrison’s hand slightly.

“And if we look right… yes. It’s very clear. Do you want to find out the sex now or did you want me to do one of those gender reveal-type things?”

“Those are stupid,” (y/n) said, as Harrison snorted. She never was one to beat around the bush, which Harrison admired. “We’d like to know right now.”

The tech laughed as she smiled at Harrison and (y/n). “Congratulations,” she said, “you’re having a girl.”

(y/n) laughed softly as Harrison smiled. He couldn’t believe it. A baby girl.

“Now I have two princesses,” he said softly. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” (y/n) leaned up to kiss him tenderly. 

“Have you got a name picked out?” the tech asked.

(y/n) nodded. “Sloane Elizabeth.”

“Oh, that’s pretty! Well, congratulations. We’ll see you in a few weeks for another ultrasound.”

“A little girl,” Harrison said as they walked to the car. “I can’t believe we’re having a little girl.”

“I know,” (y/n) replied. “I’m just glad she’s healthy.”

**

Later that night, Harrison was pouring over some paperwork about Romano’s organization when he was interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

“Yes?” he called. 

“It’s Harry.”

“Come on in.”

Harry walked into his office, sitting down in one of the leather chairs opposite the mahogany desk. 

“My guy at the newspaper tells me Father Walsh died today,” Harry says slowly. “Gunshot wound to the head, found him in the confessional. Would you happen to know anything about that?”

Harrison raised his eyebrows, feigning surprise. “What? Me? What makes you think-”

Harry suddenly rose from his chair, throwing his arms around the other man. “I know I told you not to,” he whispered, “but… thank you. For not listening to me. Knowing he’s dead means I can sleep a little more easily, I know now there’s no chance he can come back to hurt me. Me, or anyone else.”

“I couldn’t let that slide, Harry.” Harrison returned the embrace. “You’re welcome. Now, did your guy turn up anything else useful on Romano?”

“Not yet.” Harry sighed. “I’ll let you know if he does, though.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

Harry smiled faintly at him as he headed for the door. “Thanks again, Harrison.”

“Of course.”

Harrison slumped back into his chair after Harry went into the hallway. He was starting to have second thoughts about murdering Father Walsh. Don’t get him wrong, he was glad he’d done it, if it would give Harry peace of mind.

But, if the “good” Father was in Romano’s back pocket… Harrison’s problems were only beginning.

[sithhoplite]

A Return Home

I blame @lordviridis for this piece of angst. It is all her fault and I take none of the blame.

-------------------------------------

Dromund Kaas

Kris walked the last few meters to the house he knew so well. It was a house he grew up in, a house that had protected him and raised him after his father’s assassination. It also was the house where he first fell in love and then had to walk away from that love. 

After graduating the Sith Academy and being told that he should rethink his desire to marry Caitlin, a not so subtle way of telling him they would not allow the marriage, he took postings off planet as much as he could. The first few were agonizing as she called him and he didn’t answer as he was told to. Finally they stopped and he knew why. The bitterness he felt spurred him to do better at his job, but also never left him. 

The woman he had thought of as his mother had arranged him to meet suitable women for marriage. A few of them were nice but not compatible, others were annoying and he had no desire to continue seeing them but his current companion had made him laugh, smile and actually be happy. This trip she could not come with him, ancient artifacts were found and she was part of the team inspecting them. 

Returning to Kaas city was bitter sweet, he knew he would see her again and it had been almost 7 years since he last saw her. He wasn’t prepared for the anger that swirled around him, taking it and using it to put on his best face he stopped and looked at that house. He was a proper Sith, cold and calculating, in control of his emotions. The Sith they wanted him to be. 

Walking through the door and handing his coat to Erland he walked into the parlor. His eyes locked onto to Caitilin. She was putting up a front of being happy and talking with a man but he knew she was the opposite of that. Pushing down the desire to pull her into his arms again he turned and saw his mother coming towards him. 

She had a smile on her face seeing him but that smile was about to leave. Her husband joined her walking towards him. 

Bowing at the waist, as one should with those of higher rank, he rose back up looking them in the eyes.

“My lords, thank you for inviting me, I must apologize that my date could not make it. Something about ancient Sith relics and her excitement has kept her there.” His voice was cold, distant as was his demeanor towards them. “I appreciate diplomacy bringing Lahsbane fully into the Empire so swiftly and with few problems. Rest assured Dark Lord, we will ensure that Imperial Justice is implemented without haste.”

Mortis and Indran were stunned by how formal and aloof he was. This was the same man who as a little boy played with their children and grew up in this very house. The love and kindness that they had seen in him was gone, a cold exterior replacing it. 

“That is good to hear Lord Ulv, I am sure the new government will bring the planet in line very soon.”

“They will Dark Lord, I have no doubts about that. If you will excuse me I would like to catch up with Markus and Killian. It has been a long while since I have seen them.”

“Of course Kris, if you wish to stay here during your stay you are more than welcome to do so.” Reaching out to put a hand on his arm he pulled it away and put it behind his back, the momentary look of hurt was very satisfying to him. 

“Thank you but no my Lord, it would no longer be proper for me to stay here now I am of age, the same as any affection in public by one who outranks me.” inclining his head he turned and left with a smile.

Returning to his hotel room he had to admit it was good to see Killian and Markus again. He had missed them and it was good to catch up. He also had to admit, much to his irritation, that there was a tiny part of him that had missed Indran. She had been the only mother he had known since his had been taken from him when he was four. However she had been part of the reason he had been forced to leave Caitlin all those years ago and he could not forget nor forgive. Pushing them away and only being formal and proper was what he wanted to do, he wanted them to feel a fraction of the pain he had felt. 

In the morning he had received an invitation to join the family he was once a part of for breakfast before he left. He politely declined and finished his packing. As the shuttle rose through the clouds he looked down on the city and was glad to have left. The home he once found safety and security in as a little boy was that no longer. 

[6i]

Can you suggest me some good old hip hop songs?

i got you

• Dr. Dre // Still D.R.E (Ft. Snoop Dogg)• The Notorious B.I.G // Juicy• 2Pac // Ambitionz As Ridah• Dr. Dre // Forgot About Dre (Ft. Eminem)• Coolio // Gangsta’s Paradise (Ft. L.V.)• 2Pac // California Love (Ft. Roger & Dr. Dre)• Mobb Deep // Shook Ones, Pt II • Luniz // I Got 5 On It (Ft. Michael Marshall)• The Notorious B.I.G // Big Poppa • Ice Cube // It Was A Good Day• Dr. Dre // The Next Episode (Ft. Snoop Dogg)• The Notorious B.I.G // Hypnotized• 2Pac // All Eyez On Me• Ice Cube // Check Yo Self; Remix• Fugees // Ready or Not• Black Star // Definition • Queen Latifah // U.N.I.T.Y• LL Cool J // Hey Lover (Ft. Boyz II Men)• Dred Scott // Duck Ya Head• Eric B & Rakim // Don’t Sweat The Technique• Smif-N-Wessun // Wrecknoize - Remix Vocal• Guru’s Jazzmatazz // Keep Your Worries • Group Home // Livin’ Proof• Compton’s Most Wanted // Streiht Up Menace• Pete Rock // They Reminisce Over You• Onyx // Slam• Das EFx // Real Hip Hop• Big Pun // Still Not a Player (Ft. Joe)• DMX // Ruff Ryders’ Anthem• Method Man // Da Rockwilder (Ft. Redman)• Ol’ Dirty Bastard // Hippa To Da Hoppa • Big L // MVP • KRS-One // Mortal Thoughts • Nas // Life’s A Bitch (Ft. AZ) • The Notorious B.I.G. // Gimme The Loot • Warren G // Regulate (Ft. Nate Dogg)• Dr.Dre // Keep Their Heads Ringin’• Diamond D // Day One (Ft. Big L)• N.W.A // Alwayz Into Somethin’• EPDM // Da Joint• A Tribe Called Quest // Electric Relaxation• The Roots // You Got Me (Ft. Erykah Badu)• Method Man // Bring The Pain• Souls Of Mischief // 93 ’Til Infinity • Q-Tip // Vivrant Thing • Cypress Hill // How I Could Just skull a Man• The Pharcyde // Runnin’• Gang Star // Work• Lords Of The Underground // Chief Rocka • Mobb Deep // Quiet Storm• Junior M.A.F.I.A. // Player’s Anthem • Public Enemy // He Got Game• Wu-Tang Clan // C.R.E.A.M.• Kris Kross // Jump• LL Cool J // Doin’ It• Eazy-E // Real Muthaphuckkin G’s • Mobb Deep // Hell on Earth (Front Lines)• Nas // N.Y. State of Mind• KRS-One // Sound of da Police• Eminem // Just Don’t Give A Fuck• Dead Prez // Hip Hop• The Pharcyde // Passing Me By• Fugees // Fu-Gee-La• Warren G // This DJ • Mase // What You Want (Ft. Total)• Gang Starr // Full Clip• Naughty By Nature // Feel Me Flow• Eminem // Guilty Conscience • Nas // Hate Me Now (Ft. Diddy)• Westside Connection // Gangsta Nation• Ol’ Dirty Bastard // Shimmy Shimmy Ya• OutKast // ATLiens• Cypress Hill // Insane in the Brain • Eminem // My Name Is • Naughty By Nature // Hip Hop Hooray• Busta Rhymes // Gimme Some More• A Tribe Called Quest // Can I Kick It• Junior M.A.F.I.A // Get Money• Rakim // Waiting For The World To End • Mos Def // Ms. Fat Booty• Bone Thugs-N-Harmony // The Crossroads• The Notorious B.I.G. // Warning • M.O.P // Ante Up (Robbin Hoods Theory)• Mase // Feels So Good• Outkast // Rosa Parks • Nas // Represent • Run-D.M.C // Walk This Way • Beastie Boys // So What’Cha Think • OutKast // Git Up, Git Out • A Tribe Called Quest // Oh My God • Dilated Peoples // Worst Comes To Worst • Ms. Lauryn Hill // Doo Wop (That Thing) • 2Pac // I Get Around • LL Cool J // Hollis To Hollywood • Ice Cube // You Know How We Do It• Mobb Deep // Survival of the Fittest• Nas // If I Ruled The World (Ft. Lauryn Hill)• Snoop Dogg // Who Am I ( What’s My Name)?• 2Pac // Hit ’Em Up (Ft. Outlawz) • The Notorious B.I.G. // Mo Money Mo Problems • OutKast // B.O.B • Salt-N-Pepa // Shoop • Wu-Tang Clan // Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing Ta F’ Wit• Limp Bizkit // N 2 Gether Now (Ft. Method Man)• Busta Rhymes // Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See• The Notorious B.I.G // Notorious Thugs (Ft. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony • Gang Star // Above The Clouds (Ft. Inspectah Deck)• Blackstreet // No Diggity (Ft. Dr. Dre & Queen Pen)

Follow me on SoundCloud for more playlists & songs

https://m.soundcloud.com/6xi

[idkwntht-blog]

The Plight of the Pick Me

I’ve said this before and I’m sure I’ll say it again: Y’all hate women.

If anything, this has been made exponentially clear in the aftermath of Tristan Thompson’s cheating finally striking a nerve with Khloe Kardashian. You’ve been watching the fallout (unless your wifi got cut off or something), and you know that somehow Kylie Jenner’s (ex) best friend Jordyn Woods is bearing the brunt of the blame.

How.

This is not the first (or the second) time that we’ve been on Tristan Cheating alert. Add to that the fact that it’s super hazy if Tristan cheated on his pregnant girlfriend with Khloe to begin with -- and by hazy, I mean not hazy at all. And he cheated on Khloe when she was pregnant too.

All signs point to this man being a hoe and a unsuitable partner, but Khloe has convinced herself that Jordyn is the reason her family has been ripped apart.

Do you know why? Because even women hate women.

Let’s backtrack just a bit. Jordyn has now spoken out publicly, saying that Tristan initiated the kiss. She said there was no making out, no tongue and no sex. She alleges that she lied to the Kardashian family because she was scared. And you know what? I absolutely believe her. Why? Because the devil works hard, but Kris Jenner will always work harder.

Don’t get me wrong. The child was wrong, but the level of backlash she’s getting is unwarranted.

Back to the current promo material for Keeping Up With the Kardashians: Khloe and her posse are now online publicly bullying a 21-year-old about ruining her family, the child is getting death threats, and Tristan Thompson done fucked shit up and hahs evacuated the premises to have pasta with yet another fling. Khloe is legit online cussing Jordyn out and protecting Tristan because hEs ThE fAtHeR oF heR cHilD.

What in the “the family fucked my husband” is really going on here?

Our socialized urge to absolve men of guilt by transferring it to the women is not the only example of our inherent misogyny. We’ve also been socialized to distrust women and that rears its ugly head in many ways -- from disbelief and conspiracy theories when women come forward about rape and sexual assault to the way women love boasting that they have no women friends.

My Mimi will say to me that she doesn’t understand why I have so many female friends and why I let them in my business because when she was growing up she only had one girlfriend. All her other friends were men. I get her point, but the language is problematic af.

It’s important to acknowledge that a lot of that behavior stems from the fact that women are socialized to see other women as competition for the affections of a Good Man. We’re taught that the things we do affect how Good of a Man we end up with -- which is obviously some bullshi.

We don’t see women as allies, we see them as opponents to “outwoman” in order to snag the man.

Pick me’s are just women who still subscribe to that in a big way. There are enough of us who know that someone being a good man is less about the woman you are and exponentially more about who the man is.

We’ve been taught this myth that finding and keeping a good man is more reliant on what a woman does than a man’s character. If someone is trash, they gon be trash. Nothing you do will make them not be trash because that behavior isn’t about you.

I can guarantee that my ex is somewhere calling me a hoe. We were together for 8 years and in that time frame he cheated more times than I probably know about, got at least one girl pregnant, and emotionally abused the hell out of me. Breaking up was always the most logical decision, but I had to learn the hard way that there was nothing I could do to save that man from himself.

I stayed so long because I had put in the work, I had forgiven so much and bitten my tongue so often that he just had to get it right. He never did. I couldn’t save him, so I finally decided to save myself.

And that’s where the pick me comes in.

A pick me still fully supports the emotional labor of trying to turn a man into a Good Man. Since that’s an impossible feat, they spend a lot of time being mistreated by men who take advantage of their willingness to carry the relationship. These men are not good men, and they don’t wanna be good men, and they don’t have to be good men.

(I should mention here that no man, even a genuinely good man, is perfect. But no woman is either. )

The issue with a pick me is not that she chooses bad apple men in hopes that following Good Woman rules will make them shiny and new again. The rest of us can’t be mad that you’re taking them off our hands, you’re honestly doing the Lord’s work.

The problem with a pick me is that she’s fucking PISSED at the rest of us who refuse to abide by those rules. She stans for T.I. and Tiny’s relationship and she defends Rasheeda in the IG comments. She’s blasting Future, screaming “fuck Ciara” at the top of her lungs until the end of time. Why? Because Ciara said fuck this bullshit and found a good man and sis is a ride or die.

“Why leave a sure thing for a maybe?” they ask. But if the real sure thing is simply that you’re just going to keep getting hurt and you’ll never actually be happy, maybe starts looking a lot more attractive.

She probably still doesn’t see why Offset crashing Cardi’s set to apologize for cheating on her was a problem. The fact that Offset cheated on Cardi, that Jay Z cheated on Beyonce is literally all the proof one should need to realize that a man’s behavior is not rooted in who his woman is.

To be mad at other women for being their true selves and still getting chosen because you’re following these rules and still barely happy is as “I hate women” as Mike Pence. A man will never chose you if you’re not what he wants and there’s really no way to change that. Pretending will only get you but so far. So be yourself and be happy, sis.