#while pooping

[slumped-squiggle]

If anyone is looking for a stupid art prompt, draw your oc with this prompt and their own like news headline

[ba1laur]

i am ill and barely coherent which means i can finally draw as raw and mindlessly as i please. go my reydau

[dominiqueramseyart]

Pokemon Heart Gold/Soul Silver is truly such a good game I can't believe my dumbass sold it to Gamestop when I was a kid

[pyrodolls]

random sagau idea..

mean!creator attends one of lyney and lynette’s shows one day. they both panic, jumping at the opportunity to make a good first impression in front of their almighty creator. they anxiously prepare themselves, pacing around the stage hours in advance.

they’ve never felt so nervous before a show before. they pride themselves on their magic shows, confident that they bring joy to all that attend. but when they saw that you reserved a seat, your worshippers suddenly felt a wave of insecurity slap them in the face.

what if you were displeased with what you see? will they be entertaining enough? should they do something special, in honor of you? or should they let you sit and relax rather than bringing attention to you? lyney and lynette discussed these thoughts at length before you arrived. they were both eager to please and entertain, hoping that the god they’ve dedicated their lives to will be impressed with their performance.

before the show begins, they search the crowd from behind the curtain. they’ve seen you from afar before. they often longingly gaze at your holy form, yearning to make you laugh or smile. they’ve never gotten the chance to see you up close or speak to you. the show would be their chance to make a good impression; possibly charming you and proving their worth as your acolytes.

they watched you as you sat at the top row, idly resting your face on your hand. they can’t keep their god irritated, so they must satisfy you. the siblings were overjoyed at the thought. seeing you happy with their performance? it would cement their status as the greatest magicians in teyvat. not only proving their skills, but also showing off that they have your approval. they were determined to wisely use their chance to please their creator.

the show begins, and lyney watches you as he introduces himself and his sister. he dedicates the show to you, bowing in appreciation. lynette, while appearing calm and composed, was just as anxious as her brother as she bowed with him.

looking up at you for approval, you seemed… apathetic. a bead of sweat appeared on their foreheads. did that mean you weren't pleased yet? no worries, the show just began after all.

with an array of flashy tricks, including some new ones created just for you, the two effortlessly captivated the audience—a typical feat for the magicians. but they only yearned for your applause. it’s nice to hear an entire crowd of people cheering for them, but it would be better if you were impressed.

but you weren’t. after every trick, the siblings glanced at your seat in the crowd. despite the difficulty of making out your figure through the bright lights, they could still see your uninterested expression. what were they doing wrong? why wasn’t their magic pleasing you?

it upset them both in different ways.

lyney considers himself the greatest magician in teyvat. his confidence is understandable, given the reputation he gained through his charm and skill. not only was your apathy a stab to his ego, but a sharp pain in his heart that yearns for you. it made him feel as if he was doing you a disservice. he's an entertainer, it’s the least he can do in return of the kindness you have graced all of teyvat with.

lynette often doesn’t care about being lauded for her skills. it’s lyney’s job to charm the audience. she isn’t even affected by the usual respectable people attending their shows, preferring to watch from the sidelines as lyney woos the guests. while normally nonchalant to the loud boom of the crowd’s applause, she found herself only craving yours. if she could please the creator, it would bring her the most joy she’s felt in years. it deeply upset her to see you cold and unresponsive to her and lyney’s magic. it’s the one time she genuinely hoped to impress someone, and she was failing? after everything she's been through, she found it difficult to find love and trust in her heart for another being other than her brother. you're the only one she wishes to repay for your companionship throughout her past. how could she have failed in her pursuit of your gratification?

but the show must go on. the magicians continued delighting the audience with their tricks, as you remained bored.

the show ended and the entire crowd left with smiles on their faces. all except for you. the siblings looked up at your seat to find that your nonchalance never faltered. in their delusional minds, they assumed that perhaps that could be a good thing. you weren't visibly upset, which means they didn’t disappoint you too severely.

but you weren’t smiling. not once throughout the show did you appear impressed, which worried the two. they were guessing that you were simply exhausted from your task as teyvat's creator, desperately clinging onto hope that they didn’t offend you.

you got up from your seat to leave, and the siblings shortly followed in hopes of asking for your input. they assumed they could introduce themselves and possibly find out what it is that you disliked about their performance. they would take your criticisms seriously and implement them as soon as possible. the creator’s wishes must be fulfilled, and they were eager to design a show that was to your liking.

running after you before you made your way out, lyney and lynette kneeled before introducing themselves.

lyney cleared his throat before speaking, “your grace! thank you for coming to our show. we were delighted by your presence, and sincerely hope that you’ll attend more in the future.”

there was a moment of silence before you replied. in the midst of the silence, lyney and lynette grew more flustered by your gaze. they’ve always heard of how amazing it was to be in your presence. as overjoyed as they were to finally have your attention privately, it was nerve-racking. did they look presentable? were their faces still flushed after hurriedly chasing after you? hopefully their image wasn’t crushed by their pathetic and desperate attempts at gaining your attention.

“…more shows?” you questioned.

lynette gulped. was that your subtle way of communicating that you weren’t interested in seeing them again? had her nightmare come to fruition?

lyney seemed to share the same thoughts as his sister. he took in a deep breath before asking finally asking you what had been lingering in their heads. “we simply wish to entertain you, your grace. if there was anything you disliked about our performance, i humbly request that you let us know immediately so we are aware of our mistakes. we only hope that you were impressed by what you witnessed.”

“ah, yes. well, i suppose it was… a bit entertaining to the audience. but i can’t tell, i was so restless, i fell asleep twice.” you sighed.

you said it so casually, as if you didn’t know it broke their hearts. the siblings felt their eyes well up with tears. they disappointed you to the point where you fell asleep at their magic show?

they should be angry at you, but instead, they are ashamed of themselves. what kind of acolytes are unable to please their god?

they’ve never felt the weight of failure until it was under your heavy gaze.

the siblings were aware that you weren’t obligated to display affection towards them. but they often dreamed of what it would feel like to be loved by you. their whole lives they’ve prayed to you. they grew up with stories of your bravery, intelligence, kindness, and power. how you’ve lifted the entirety of teyvat for thousands of years. you kept the siblings company in the darkest of times, and the thought of you was keeping them going even when they were on the brink of giving up.

when you descended, lyney and lynette watched with envy as others were under your gaze. other acolytes were being touched by you. some even praised. the siblings could only imagine that it was them instead.

but when they finally got the chance to show themselves off, they failed at hiding their incompetence. but it’s only natural, as they were only two out of the thousands that admired you. you have plenty of followers that would do anything if you commanded it. lyney and lynette aren’t archons, nor do they have thousands of years in their lifespan to worship you. yet they were somehow selfish enough to think it would be enough for your love.

but there is no honor among the thieves of generosity, and the robbers should be punished accordingly. you granted them the gift of your time and attention, and they failed at serving you what you craved.

“i am terribly sorry, your grace,” lyney choked back tears as he spoke, staring into the ground while his sister trembled in petrification. “it was not our intention to disappoint you.”

“disappoint me?” you laughed. “you didn’t disappoint me. i was exhausted due to my busy day. my apologies if i frightened you.”

in truth, you really were entertained by their magic show. you simply pretended to be let down, enjoying the sight of your acolytes scrambling to apologize, terrified that they would face your judgement. isn’t it endearing that their eager-to-please nature clouds their judgment, and all of your acolytes immediately seek your approval before they notice your mischievous actions?

lyney and lynette were no different. not once did the thought of you being in the wrong cross their minds. they both jumped at the opportunity to display their devotion and apologize, without stopping to identify whether they truly were wrong in the first place.

[spoopdeedoop]

brush test 4 funsies ft. that one pose in phillydelix that i cant stop thinking about

[4ever2000lover]

The Sallow Twins

I have a headcanon that Sebastian is the younger twin, sensitive and protective, while Anne is the older twin, more playful and bossy

also, once Solomon took baby Sebas on his lap and he threw up right in his face

(This is canon, Sebastian told me)

[shirecorn]

Tumblr keeps popping up to sell me ad free dashboard. But what it doesn't understand is that me and the ads have a sort of symbiosis at this point.

The guys from the fake gameplay trailers for a predatory mobile app are my blorbos

[solargeist]

kids and privacy

[judasgot-it]

BSD Men After Their GF Clogs Their Toilet and Cries about it

This is not inspired by a real event, but also it kind of is. Don't judge me I'm already writing this.

Kicks you out, vomits because he knows that it's impossible for women to take shits. What he saw in there wasn't possible, it had to be an attempt to kill him

-Jouno, Fyodor, Akutugawa

Get's you medication because that was the birth of the anti-christ straight through the ass, and clearly you needed pain meds or something. He doesn't know, he didn't know a shit that big was even humanly possible

-Tecchou, Fukuzawa, Sigma

"Hey. It's fine. We all do it. I'll call a plumber." He doesn't want to admit it, since you're crying from embarrassment, but he's impressed. He sent a photo to all of his friends and is going to print it and hang it on the wall to commemorate the date.

-Chuuya, Kunikida, Atsushi

"Damn girl, you shit here often?"

-Ranpo, Kaiji, Dazai

"You should put this in the book of world records. It's kind of cool."

-Tachihara, Mark Twain, Tanizaki

Doesn't even notice until the next day. Somehow, he just doesn't notice it, and you become actually concerned over the fact that he has a clogged toilet that he passes multiple times and doesn't notice. He never says anything either - you assume he's just being polite, but it remains there when you come over the next time, making you question his sanity.

-Poe, Fukuchi, Mori

[adashulaz]

Corvus wants to marry Soren, so he makes them marriage necklaces because his parents had them. Corvus even goes as far as to ask Rayla for her blessing of marrying Soren because his Mom asked his Mamas parents for their blessing. He has it all planned out because he wants it to be special for Soren.

But one day they're both just laying in bed. Well Soren is laying in bed, Corvus is sitting up and reading a book. It's their day off so they're just enjoying each other's company. Soren is just watching Corvus read, he just woke up. Corvus probably already knows and is just letting him slowly wake up and Soren doesn't mind, he enjoys watching Corvus simply exist.

But there is something that Soren has been thinking about, something that he wants so desperately. Soren wants to marry Corvus. The thought first appeared when Soren woke up before Corvus and saw the man sleeping so peacefully. And it was running circles around his head as he watched Corvus read.

"Will you marry me?"

The question came out quietly but Corvus still heard it. Soren didn't even mean to say it aloud, not yet at least. But it didn't matter, it's out in the open and he wants to know Corvus' answer. Corvus can only stare, he's been planning on asking Soren for so long. Like stated before, he had everything planned out. Yet somehow, Soren managed to beat him to the punch. Just like when they first got together,

Corvus had a whole plan on asking Soren to be his. Soren asked first, they were in a similar situation to now. They were just relaxing together and Soren just asked, there was no build up, nothing to indicate that Soren was going to ask. Soren just asked and waited for a response.

Much like now, he's staring at Corvus and simply waiting for an answer. Corvus can only get out a weak, "huh?" which causes Soren to push himself up into a sitting position. Corvus set his book down, giving Soren his full attention. Corvus was going to say yes but his mouth was faster than his brain in that moment.

"We can get married if we want to and I want to marry you. Do you wanna marry me?"

It was a simple but honest explanation. Soren stared at Corvus much like a cat that gave its owner a mouse and was now waiting for a response of any kind.

"I do want to marry you."

[throwawayblog-thrwaway]

not voting isn’t “burning the system down” you absolute dipshits. if you actually wanted to burn the system down you’d literally be burning down the homes of congressmen, but most of y’all don’t actually want that, you just want to roleplay as a radical online for cookie points from the other members of your self-righteous hypocritical circlejerk.

your glorious revolution isn’t coming because you’re too goddamn chickenshit to actually revolt. go and actually fucking do something or just shut the fuck up

[kylominis]

The White Wolf [♡]

[miriadalia]

I'm laughing so much with all your tags 😂 so here's another one:

Choose your Christmas table Cobra Kai edition (but everyone has BEEF with each other edition)

...

Let's be honest, we all know (or have) families who would behave like them if giving the chance to sit together 💀🤐

[fittlebottom]

All girls know is spread the pipseras agenda, eat hot chip, and lie

I start classes up again tmrw so have this doodle just incase I burn out and never post again

[abra-ka-dammit]

ive tolerated living with cats who were swooped from outdoor life who fussed and meowed and cried and knocked shit over all night and kept trying to dart out the door any time someone went in/out during the day and ya know what, given a handful of years of patience, they realize indoor is actually way better and chill out significantly

so if your reason for having an "outdoor cat" boils down to "but he likes to go outside", ie "I don't want it to disturb muh sleep", i have 0 pity. Suck it up or dont have a cat

owning a cat is a choice. why did you decide youd do a thing the wrong way? dont go around choosing to do something wrong on purpose when a living being's health and existence are at stake over it? are you a budding serial killer or what???

like damn an energetic toddler will also whine abt wanting to play outside at all hours, you gonna just open the door and let THEM wander the streets at night?? no? so why you letting a creature thats no smarter than a toddler do so? because it can run faster? from the DANGER that you WILLINGLY AND KNOWINGLY LET IT run into in the first place????????? do you really think your cat can better fight off a rabid dog than your 3 year old can just because they have tiny little pointed nails and teeth?? my cat chomped the entire length of her canines hard into my hand in defensive fear and i didnt even drop her, you think a predatory beast will??? like just think for a literal second and grow a damn modicum of legitimate, non-performative care in your heart for the animals you deign to claim "ownership" of, fuck

[buccellato]

Going a little insane thinking about how from Knives' perspective, his olive branch for Rem was rejected by his childhood perception of her loyalty to humanity, but Rem was assessing the situation as both a ship official and a parent and definitely making the choice she thought would maximize his and Vash's survival chances...like, if she was following duty as a crew member first and foremost, she'd head immediately to the bridge and tell the boys to head to the escape pods via comms or something. But instead she spent valuable minutes ensuring that Vash and Knives were safely strapped in and ready to escape, and then turned around to minimize the ship damage. Plus she had no actual way of knowing whether the plant ships were on a crash course, either—and while tristamp Nai can survive completely without food and water, no version of Vash has been shown to be able to do so completely (plus all other versions of Knives are shown at least drinking lol). So from her perspective she didn't just need to save both her kids and the humans on board, she also would've needed to save as many dependents as possible just so the boys had a way to stay alive.

She did the best she could do as a parent in that scenario, and Knives forever locked himself into a traumatized child's reasoning for her actions and blamed her to cope with it and then never reassessed from the perspective of an adult due to his, well, issues with everything. That's rough buddy.