#why its in a different format LOL

[sweetsnidle]

class pic #??????? (pt 2/????)

from left to right: hime, tatsu and hana.

(tatsu and hana are owned by @lesbkinz!)

[corsairspade]

every time i interact with the silmarillion i get weirdly excited about the fact that the authorial intent is that it's a translation of historical accounts. it's a tertiary source! none of it is first hand. it makes it so much more interesting. was the legendarium a mannish tradition? what parts of these were written by pengolodh? by rumil? what loremaster has recorded this? would there be bias in the accounting? can i trust what i'm reading, from this viewpoint, this many years after it would have been written?

what has been mythologised, what has been sanitised, what is third-hand written on rumour? it's such an interesting thing to consider.

[moodr1ng]

kinda wish people would stop talking about did as an inherently covert disorder cause like i am aware overt systems are rarer but yknow we do exist. i first became consciously aware of my did symptoms around age 13-14 and they were VERY overt and disruptive and they did lead to further abuse. in fact my symptoms being super visible is why i got kicked out of school and put in an abusive psych ward and it was a big part of my life starting to unravel. ik its a common response to people thinking did must be a sort of dramatic and frightening disorder to go "actually, did is SUPPOSED to conceal that you have the disorder and you cant tell that theres different alters!" but like you could make the point that thats most often the case (at least to some degree) without basically stating that its an intrinsic part of did. especially since one of the most common arguments made by singlets to fakeclaim systems is "well people with did cant tell they have it and the alters dont appear different so if you publicly claim to have did you must be faking", feel like we dont need to reinforce the idea that did is inherently invisible to an outside observer and overt systems are all malingerers yknow.

[monsterbisexual]

at least theres always listening to song n constructing an amv of ur favorite character in ur brain

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

i’ll bite, what underage girl was made slightly less lewd and is now being called “censored”?

i actually dont even know for sure if it IS censoring but theres a 90% chance its one of two dark apostle forms for (SPOILERS) but the message doesnt actually specific if theyre removing or altering artwork or what so we wont know what the actual deal is with that until the book actually comes out

not that youd be able to really tell that theyre underage bc of the anime style based on if its the image im thinking about but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

as a side note, can we note that its kind of fucking hilarious that these edits arent for the actual GAME but...the artbook? like the game itself is not being changed from what it looks like, theyre just changing the paper? youd think thats way more effort than it's worth TAT

[changeling-droneco]

Hi I'm that person who made the original post about "no doesn mean no" when a small bit of the mr beast company document was leaked, well, now we have the full document (thanks rosanna) so I'm going to go over it. Please note I am not a lawyer or a business man, I'm in college for psychology, so I might misunderstand some things or make the wrong conclusion. However, if this is a document made for the average mr. beast employee, if I cannot understand it properly, then im sure some employees also struggled

First of all, the opening paragraph. Like I get it's supposed to be like, to put people at ease, but

This is so strange? Like, first of all, this is your EMPLOYEE MANUAL, you should have run it through like, a spell check? Or had someone edit it? This is already incredibly unprofessional. Also the promising of a thousand dollars if you pass a quiz on it? It's bizarre and I'd love to see if it's an actual quiz.

Jimmy, hun, please god get an editor for this you're already trying my patience.

YOU SHOULD, you genuinely should, while interconnected these are all COMPLETELY different jobs, if you think you could write a separate manual for each branch you SHOULD

I'm sure I'm about to get an answer but what the fuck is the best YOUTUBE video then? If it's not comedy, its not production, its not quality, its not look, then what the hell is left? (monetization, it's monetization)

First of all, Jimmy, why are you using internet lingo in this, it's not a text message, this is not a place for, idc, and lol, and not capitalizing your headers correctly??? Also like I said, he's chasing trends for monetization, and also he's just wrong, there are plenty of hollywood level shows and the like on youtube. You fully admit you do not care about trends and actively rush things?

This is just fucked??? Like of COURSE IT MATTERS??? Results based company is bullshit, your employees that worked for five weeks and failed aren't "lesser" then James, it's a structural failure! They still worked for HOURS to try and succeed?? That shows merit and loyalty??? What the fuck???

Rosanna covers this one in her video but it's worth restating that this is FUCKED??? It's clear overwork "your job is your family" culture. Especially the use of the word obsessive? If you do not OBSESS over your work, you are considered poisonous. NO WONDER we have so many reports of employees doing things they feel is dangerous or unsafe, if they don't they're considered POISON to the company.

The formatting in this doc continues to fucking kill me, what are you DOING man GET AN EDITOR

This feels like such an easy fix of just...make the thumbnail after the fact? Or only make a rough draft of one first? Like if production makes a red bouncy castle instead of a yellow one, that feels like an easy fix to the thumbnail OR a communication error, and again, that's on management

A lot of the next stuff is like analytics stuff that for the most part I can't really speak on as someone who does not do any of this stuff. There are a few things though

Which like???? what??? a lull??? what do you mean "watching a video without even realizing they are watching a video??" That doesn't scream good or even mediocre content to me. If I'm actively tuning out as I watch a video, that's bad. Especially because there have been plenty of times I've been like half way through a video i go "hey this sucks actually" and click off. They actively want their audience to not be paying attention to the video so it runs all the way through, that's kinda pathetic.

I don't actually know if this is common or not in this industry, but as an outsider this seems INCREDIBLY micromanaging to me, to an immense degree.

Jimmy why are you putting swears in your employee manual?? sir??? and also something about this whole thing icks me out, I don't quite have the words but the whole emphasis on "im different im special no one else can be me" just reeks of something kind of manipulative

Why is production changing so much Jimmy??? Infinite growth is the mindset of a cancer cell Jimmy! This is incredibly unstable working conditions! Also again with the word obsession, if you take time out of your own day on your own time to watch hulu, that's seen as not being obsessed enough for the company. This is nonsensical!

Again, this is INSANELY micromanaging, and also so fucking unhinged??? "God himself couldn't stop you from making this video on time" is NOT a healthy work mindset, things HAPPEN!!!

In this segment he's actually talking normal things but I did just want to highlight his use of "freaken" who the hell puts that in an EMPLOYEE MANUEL

Again with the micromanaging, and the immense pressure on employees for problems OTHER people do. While he's not fully wrong that you should be in more contact with the contractor then the example, this is too much in the other direction. How much time in the day does he think people have?!

My kingdom for a fucking paragraph break dude, my fucking eyes. Also this is a lot of "im so great and do everything and you should do more for me and if i dont know something that's your fault" for something titled "I am not always right"

I'm getting lazy with my highlighting, but again, the micromanaging? If you're SOOO busy, the first question should be the ideal? it's quick and makes a quick decision, while the second one meanders and meanders

Again, Jimmy is pushing blame for HIS mistakes on OTHER PEOPLE. For again, a section called "i am not always right" hes taking NO accountability for that and just making the SAME excuses he's berating in other places.

I can't even tell what he means here AN EDITOR JIMMY

Autism Hell tm, PLEASE email me so I can DOUBLE CHECK IT, things in writing are SO useful

Again the language towards "C-Players" which as mr beast has said, are the people who y'know, are NORMAL employees who DON'T live and breathe this company

Okay first of all, a Lamborghini is like 300k so that's already A REALLY hard task, and i sure hope don't usually put typos in the tasks. SECOND of all the fact he thinks its okay to go "hey if the studio is literally on fire around you and you stop working to get the Lamborghini, you're not doing good enough" even if he claims it as a joke is NOT OKAY what the FUCK

We've covered this before, but to reiterate this segment is named after a sexual assault reference when it could have been named ANYTHING ELSE and harasses employees and pressures them to break rules, don't do that.

I'm not an editor, so maybe this is normal, but as someone from the outside it seems strange to put this much emphasis on dividing focus between so many videos at once.

Jimmy, hun, are you paying extra for this? Because if I'm an editor and you want me FILMING stuff then i want to be paid more for doing TWO jobs and I probably still wont be as skilled a TRAINED CAMERA MAN

First of all now THAT'S a type, consteatants. Also the fact they are aware that leaving contestants out in the sun is bad, why are you not doing MORE TO STOP IT BEYOND "hey maybe giving them three hours of heatstroke is bad, try only two next time"

Don't we love favoritism, more shitty unprofessional writings, and a completely unstable work environment?

If your people have to pull all nighters period something is wrong, and if something happens to an employees car that could have seriously hurt someone, i sure hope you care more then just "LOL FUNNY" Who's picking up the broken glass? Who's reimbursing the car owner? That one meme of "your first care should be commitment to the bit" is a MEME jimmy, it's not ACTUAL ADVICE

Ah shit I hit image limit, well, you've seen enough screenshots to know these are screenshots, we're almost done I'll put them in as quotes

"Let’s say you are tasked with finding us a castle to live in for 50 hours and while doing research you find a castle and a number to call for the owner. So you do call, and he answers. Only problem is he says he quit the castle renting business to pursue his dream of building a 100 foot tall lego catapult. You can obviously tell where i’m going with this. Ideally you’d recognize that’s badass as fuck and try to convince him to let us use it when we do find a castle. This is a bad example because it’s so obvious but if you’re doing your job right you will be doing an absurd amounts of calls and data collecting. While trying to complete your prios and prepare for the video you should always be on the lookout for new things you can bring to your creative team to inspire them. Because just like me, they don’t know what they don’t know and you can’t just say “i’m in production and i’m not very creative” because that’s literally the equivalent of saying I suck at what I do. You also need to apply this same mindset when problem solving because many people lose sight of this stuff when in the weeds. If a problem appears, always always always ask yourself if your new plan is whats best for creative, not just the easiest bandaid."

First of all it's really funny seeing all the red lines pop up, second of all this insistent blurring of everyone's job seems so strange? Again maybe this is normal, but it really feels like Jimmy wants everyone working every job, instead on focusing on what they are actually hired to do.

"What is the goal of our content?

To excite me. The goal of our content is to excite me. That may sound weird to some of you, especially if you’re new but to me it’s what’s most important. If I'm not excited to get in front of that camera and film the video, it’s just simply not going to happen."

That's fucking weirddddd, like I get that he's trying to be like "im authentic" but it always feels like a bad sign when the goal of a company is literally just "What amuses the boss" like...bad sign

"this is youtube and there are constraints. You know the video can’t be a minute so you’re obviously going to need a story to hold the viewers and there are rules to storytelling. Our audience is massive and because of that you have to be simple, for 50 million people to understand something it must be simple. Content can be anything but there is structure and rules that we must mold it into that I want to teach you about, because virality doesn’t just happen. Every frame of our videos will be seen by 10s of millions of people"

Gross

"I'd say the average MrBeast viewer is a teenage memer that likes video games."

Mr Beast is completely aware of his demographic and puts screen shots of it, he is very aware his stuff is aimed at kids, even when its about gambling or hiring people not around near minors

"I feel silly for having to write this but all the time I talk to 32 new people that have at most seen like 5 or 6 of our videos and it’s mind blowing that they don’t see a problem with that lol."

It's almost like your audience is teenage memer and that people who working here are not in fact, teenage memers.

"What you consume on social media, when you watch youtube, tv, the games you play, etc. are what I like to call your information diet.

How do you stay up to date on the latest memes? How do you know what’s going on with celebrities? What’s trending on youtube? What other creators are doing? What’s popping on tik tok? Your information diet. Consume things on a daily basis that help you write better content."

If my job as a creative writer had my boss tell me to have to see whats "popping on tik tok" as part of my job i'd quit also again, the micromanaging of someone's life as well pops up again, it's weirddd

"It’s okay for the boys to be childish

If talent wants to draw a dick on the white board in the video or do something stupid, let them. (assuming they know all the risks and arn’t missing context on why it’s not safe) People like when we are in our natural element of stupidity. Really do everything you can to empower the boys when filming and help them make content. Help them be idiots"

More favoritism

"If you’ve made it this far you are probably at least semi interested in this being your career. So I wanted to chat about it. Because if you're ambitious and want to dedicate your life to work, you picked the best company in America to do it at. I really don’t care to hoard a bunch of money and I deeply believe in rewarding the people that help this business get where it needs to be. But before I get into that, let’s talk about the future. As I write this we have 2 teams, that will grow to 4 in the next year. (and possibly 8 in the next 2 years but I can’t talk about that cause james will kill me haha). We need more leaders in the company. Weneed hard working, obsessive, coachable, intelligent, grinders that can step up and take some of these leadership spots over the next 2 years. Every single department has an opportunity for you to grow in and you’re in luck because we don’t do yearly reviews. We do whenever the fuck you want reviewes"

Lack of communication from management, and more emphasis on grinding and crunch culture, goodie, all while riddled with typos! God.

"I see a world where this company is worth billions and one day 10s of billions. And those of you that help build this will be rewarded. I want nothing more then for you to go all in, obsessive all day everyday, and become so god dam valuable this company can’t operate without you. And in return for becoming so valuable I hope to give you incredible experiences, a fun place to work, and of course, more money then you could ever dream of making at any other company."

I feel like I'm reading a fucking pyramid scheme document here, "youre so so valuable spend literally every minute of every day on this company haha" good GOD man

[talk-nerdy-to-me-thyla]

ok so im obsessed now, and ive learned a little bit more about the Roddenberry Archive, the project responsible for Star Trek Unification.

This goes a LOT further than just the one short film. Rod Roddenbery is heading "a multi-decade collaboration to preserve Gene Roddenberry’s lifetime of work for future generations to experience in next generation media formats."

Basically they're digging deep into concept work for star trek phase II, Star Trek: Planet of the Titans, the motion picture novelization, and the Cage. Mostly with a goal an preservation and recreation? its a lot of meticulous 3d models and renders. They want to make physical sets for everything. They're really heavily into the cage pilot, which is why THIS girl with the pony tail keeps showing up. her name is J.M. Colt

they are apparently developing a Roddenberry Archive Interactive Exhibit (WHICH I GOTTA ATTEND SO BAD) based off the Cage. theyre implementing "new holographic mediums for future generations to experience Gene Roddenberry’s legacy with the highest levels of immersion and historical fidelity." which sounds BANANAS. It's a fully immersive, interactive 360-degree experience where you can just WALK around the cage enterprise. You can use the turbolift to go to different levels, flip through Spock’s presentation of Talos IV in the briefing room, go through all of pikes stuff in his room. AND YOU LEAVE. BY BEAMING OUT.

I WANA GO SO BAD

Also bonus:

They got a little Animated series Arex!! Look at him!!! My boy!!

feel free to correct me if im wrong or add stuff! All of what i know is from like 2022 lol

X

X

[toxycodone]

Laios x Beastkin!Reader

an. Senshi, Chilchuck, and Marcille x Reader are mentioned quiiiite a bit in here. Izutsumi x reader is more sparse. split between furry/scaly/feathery beastkin after the more general ones in the beginning. SORRY if the formatting is weird I got "text limited" a lot on this lmfao

this is a lot so. <3 show sum luv

general sfw

when you two first meet...bro is ELATED. He knows Izutsumi, which is fine, but you're an entirely different one. Who also doesn't seem to be super against him getting to know them

He asks SO many questions. What are you mixed with? Are you naturally born or artificial? What's it like having wings? A tail?

He's testing out all your features. He loves them so much.

When there's downtime, he likes to conduct "research". This goes for analyzing your features and making notes, comparing them to his books and other notes, and even more intricate tests like reaction time and stuff.

He'll hold a candle/torch by your face and test your pupil dilation. It's oddly intimate because he's just staring you down and its like. okay. are we gonna kiss orrrr

Loves. Loves. Loves just WATCHING you. Seeing the way you pounce on little bugs for fun or get spooked by certain noises. He just smiles and is all amused.

You'll catch him doodling you pretty often. He makes notes like "y/n caught a treasure bug today. They seem pretty skilled at hunting. Failed to kill it for some reason...just played with it until it scurried off." The doodles are like...surprisingly pretty decent. The monster portions of you are the best looking and most detailed. But it's so cool to see just how much he pays attention to you and your idiosyncrasies.

Your interactions with Izutsumi also interest him. Do you guys get along? Are you prey to her? Or is she to you? If you and Izu are talking or around each other he's watching like a hawk out of pure curiosity.

However...there's a particular page in his journal where he's providing feedback on how he would make you "better" aka cooler. It's basically just his own ramblings. No Laios, an extra set of eyes and the ability to breath fire and ice and everything in between is not. better. you're just salivating over the idea of your monster OC

If you bring this up to him he actually agrees. After a lot of note taking and observation he's really fascinated just on how well suited your entire existence is to...surviving. He has a lot of theories he'd love to share about you.

But he has e x t e n s i v e notes on your body. It's something that fr makes you blush because, why is he theorizing about the base of your tail and how it connects to your spine? and the number of nipples you have? wait...how is his guess right...?

But Laios is so useful. You might as well call him your owner. You don't have to lift a finger when it comes to taking care of yourself. (He misses his dogs so you fill in.)

He takes care of your skin/fur/scales/feathers, cuts your claws, helps you file down your hooves or horns. He's very into taking care of you if you'll let him. (Marcille also hops in on this since its her love language LOL. When she's not busy with Izutsumi she helps when she can.)

If you are like...afraid of water or don't enjoy bathing. You are like the party's pet. They're debating on how to get you clean before Chilchuck is like "if you don't take a bath I am going to kill you and throw you in there myself." Laios then goes all puppy dog eyed bc he thinks Chil is being to hard on you and then he sighs and is like "fine. I'll buy you a treat when we get back to the surface."

Marcille/Laios are really good when it comes to bath time. They aren't weird about it (Laios is checking you out but. In a curious type of way. Marcille is giving him side eye if hes getting too...Laiosy. But he respects your boundaries. Just imagine Laios happily scrubbing you while humming a tune awe.)

And when it comes to sleeping arrangements...you can alternate between anyone in the party. But Laios and Chilchuck are your best bets. Marcille is an excellent sleeping partner if the dreams don't bother you, shes soo happy to have you sleep with her and she's soft and smells nice.

Laios happily lets you sleep with him. He's actually not super cuddly (unless you are he'll reciprocate). But he is very much like, giving you a ton of space. If you fall asleep before him he just relents and sleeps as comfortably as he can around you lol. Literally just like any other pet owner.

Chilchuck....sleeping with him is difficult bc Izutsumi will fight you on it, but she relents if you can fit in without much issue (bonus points if you're warm) so. You guys can both overheat this poor man. Izu may even start cuddling with you more. She finds a lot of comfort in having another beastkin in the party even though she won't say it.

And speaking of Chilchuck...you're likely a bit more cooperative than Izutsumi, so he gets your help when it comes to checking for traps and finding treasure. With your elite hearing and other abilities, he's actually really pleasantly surprised how useful you are. (If you were a half-foot he'd definitely want you in his guild). He gives you pets and treats when the others aren't really paying attention (He doesn't want them to see him doting on you is all LOL).

Okay. So. Your diet. This is an anime about eating so. Let's get down to it.

Whether you're a herbivore, carnivore, or omnivore--Laios is ENSURING your needs are taken care of in the party. It is of upmost importance to him.

He takes notes and asks about how certain foods make you feel. Are you more energized? Less energized? Stomach hurting? Pooping well? (Will ask this with upmost sincerity, he wants to make sure the butter/milk/etc used in their cooking isn't interfering with your tummy. Whether you want to answer this is up to you lol).

Laios and Senshi happily adjust things to your needs. Laios will spend time foraging with you, Senshi will find certain monsters with more nutrients that meet your needs. Senshi is also like, really knowledgeable about nutrients, so sometimes in your food he may grind up shells or bones to meet calcium needs and such. When he cooks he'll give you bones or soften them up in water so you can eat the marrow. :-)

Senshi...is the coolest though. He also lets you perch on him (like Izutsumi) and since he's lived in the dungeon for so long, he knows a lot about monsters firsthand. If it applies, he'll give you tips about yourself or some monsters you should prey on. Senshi and you go on little foraging trips too. He'll have you sniff things out in return for extra food during dinner.

Laios likes to see you hunt prey and eat it raw, though. Everyone else would rather not and it makes them sick but he thinks it is SO cool. He honestly wishes he could do that. He takes hunting lessons from you and will give you tips on being stealthier and such.

Your teeth really fascinate him. He likes testing your bite strength on different types of material (Like wood, stone, bones, etc.). He'll stick his fingers in your mouth and admire them if youd let him. He gives you so much praise in general its so cute.

AND. PETTING YOU. He is so tactile if you let him (i mean look how much he tries and fails to pet izutsumi). When you give him the all clear he is like. jumping for joy. he LOVES to pet you and praise you. He absentmindedly pets you when hes sitting down or standing by you. And when you nuzzle into his touch his heart SOARS. You can see on his face he's blushing and has that like. excited wiggly smile <3

I think when he's just sitting around he just messes with your tail. He likes it.

Lay down beside him and he will happily pet you and be like "do you like this? Is this a good spot?" Present. Your belly to him. and he is over the moon. He pets you wildly and is like "Who's a good boy/girl/monster?" He is so unashamed about doing this too. Chilchuck would put a stop to it if you didn't like it so much.

If you give him kisses or tongue bath's he's eating that shit up (i mean. look at those extra comics w him and dogs he lets dogs just kiss all over his face omfg). He isn't a huge fan of getting his hair wet (sensory issue) but when it's your drool...he can't help but be excited. Laios is all like "they're grooming me?? this means they like me, right??? Can I officially say I befriended a monster???"

It's proof that you care for him and view him as apart of your pack...he is just over the moon at this.

I will say...Laios is way too "has no backbone with you" for a while. You're chewing shoes? You can't help it! Stealing snacks? It's instinctual! Playing too rough with Izutsumi? C'mon guys...

But when he notices his party actually getting upset. You will be surprised how he can put his foot down. Not even max puppy eyes work on him. He will leash and muzzle you if needed.

But you can always get away with messing with his stuff. He thinks its fun to chase you around when you got his shirt in his maw. Then he happily wears the torn up gear and Marcille is like "let me sew it..."

For Scaly Beastkin:

He's so helpful when it comes to shedding season. Laios finds nice rocks all the time and helps scrape off any patches that are drying and crusting and hes not even phased and doesn't think its gross at all. He would keep some skin to test its resilience if you let him.

And going with that, when you need to shed and soak he would help you find a place and will happily assist with the shedding. He's so excited to be there honestly. But he feels bad you are uncomfortable so he lets you cuddle up under the water with him while you wait for your shed to soften up <3

Laios runs his fingers over your scales absentmindedly...just loves feeling how smooth they are, especially after he spent so much time helping them maintain that pristine smoothness.

He gets Marcille's help to make a moisturizing ointment to put on you every now and then so you don't get to dried out in the dungeon!! Marcille starts to fret about that too. You're just kinda chillin and she'll reach over and put ointment on your hands/cheeks/tail. Just areas you may be susceptible to drying out.

Also...he lets you use him as a heating rock. Sunshine is really limited in the dungeon, so...when you need a warm up he's there and waiting and extremely excited to warm you up with a hug.

For Furry Beastkin:

Brushes you. He'd do this EVERY evening (and morning) if you let him. He takes notes, too. Do you have an undercoat? Or is it just one? What does this mean about what environment you originated from?

He probably tries to use your shed fur to embellish his own clothes or put in his pillow/blankets. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle I guess?

And to add to that...remember how Marcille made a cute little cat head from Izutsumi's fur? He does that too. He and Marcille make cute little shapes outta your shed and giggle together about it.

If you get fleas...he is the party member you should tell. He'll help you get rid of them and won't rat you out to the other members LOL. He'd probably blame himself if it spread and the rest of the party is like "you expect us to beleive. you got fleas. Laios you would be excited if you got them."

For Feathered Beastkin:

Preening....<3. When you have pin feathers he is so sweet and gentle. gently picks them out. It kinda tickles bc he's just gliding his fingers over your wings. You'll catch him sighing in content and burying his face in the softness. It's so sweet.

He collects your feathers and shows them off to Marcille (who also really likes them.) Your down is SO useful too. The party has the softest blankets and pillows thanks to you. When you're molting everyone is calling dibs on the feathers to stuff in their bedding.

Laios examines your wingspan and is really interested on stuff like weather you can fly or not. If you can, he's in awe. He wants to see it. Maybe even fly with you if he can. Its always been a dream of his to do that.

nsfw

tw (for nsfw). monsterfucking? if that counts. mentions of vent/cloaca/knot

This man. It is so easy to tell overtime just how fucking horny he gets over monster stuff. He is addicted to just how much you differ from him. Your scales, fur, feathers, wings, etc....he thinks they're all extremely sexy.

He just loves the primal aspect of it? Like you act on instinct. Do what makes you happy. Like of course you have human reasoning and such but STILL. You're so non human and otherworldly it makes his stomach knot up and his dick hard as a rock. He wants to know EVERYTHING about you.

If you have a heat/rut cycle...he is. fucking. begging you come to him for help. jfc you don't even have to let him stick his dick in you. He just slowly probes your hole with his fingers and legit GASPS when he feels it clench around him. Not only is he learning so much about you and monster anatomy but hes also having his monster fucking dreams come true.

I mean it is a given with Laios but his fucking face is always in your hole. He loves eating pussy/ass so fucking much. And having your dick, clit, or knot down his throat drives him wild. He eats your slick and cum like he's starving. He's so sloppy with it too--there's spit and slick and cum all over his face and he's just slurping it all up like its his last meal.

He definitely "examines" you. He'll stick his fingers in you and stretch out your hole just to get a better look at what's inside. (imagine his thumbs sliding in and prying you open.) The muscles pulsating and the color and the smell...god he's drooling. You feel all vulnerable and exposed but he's just constantly praising how amazing your body and its functions are.

He busts so quick with a beastkin it....wow. Like. You are seriously all he has ever dreamed of and shit. I can't imagine he'd be able to contain himself. He cums and just still wants more, he fucks you through the overstimulation until he cries

Oh he wants to know whats in your pants so bad its ridiculous. Like. I cannot explain just how much he is vibrating with excitement

If you have a cloaca...he's very gentle with your hole at first. You explain to him what to look for, what feels good. He'll gently explore with his fingers until he finds the right hole and then he's going at it. He's shoving his tongue in there happily too. He knows what a cloaca is. He knows it's a singular vent for waste and sexual functions. Doesn't matter. His tongue is going in there. Laios is beyond excited to taste everything and see what makes you squirm.

If you have a knot...it's a given he wants you to knot him. It takes him a few tries (he can't take your knot at first because he's too tight) but when he finally is able to its like. euphoric for him. He loves feeling your warm cum in his ass and your desperate pants against his throat as your overstimulated self gets adjusted to being stuck to him. Gods.

Plus...I've discussed this on my blog in more detail but with a beastkin reader he's definitely into

You biting/scratching him up. He lovvveess being marked. Use him as a chew toy PLEASE

Predator/Prey rp: He's a trained hunter but he wouldn't mind being hunted...He loves how strong you are and how you can turn the tables on him if you wanted.

Just?? You being feral?? He likes it when you act more like your monster side and just treat him like a toy.

Breeding Kink: Even if you aren't able to get pregnant or breed (either due to sex or incompatible genetics due to being part monster), he's still really into it. You can fill him up vice versa...He loves the feeling of having you last inside him and he loves knowing you're still filled up from him. Plus, it adds to the more animalistic part of sex which is what he likes

[val-of-the-north]

Renna's identity and more Caria stuff

I think we have finally come to a satisfying conclusion on the identity of the Snowy Crone, aka Renna.

This came from a conversation with Qamarmoon (not on Tumblr, but check out the Blusky account [x]), who pointed out an interesting bit about her and the two sisters Rennala and Rellana. Together they appear to follow the triple deity format: Renna being the Crone, Renalla being the Mother, and Rellana being the Maiden. It's also worth pointing out that each facet of this Triple Goddess is also connected to moon phases.

It was also correctly pointed out that Snowy Crone must have known the Dark Moon if she was capable of teaching Ranni about it.

But the only ones we have seen capable of such contact with the moons appear to be part of Carian royalty.

The one exception may be the Nox... however, they seemed to have owned the Moonlight Altar in the past, as the Cathedral of Manus Celes shares architecture with the Church of Vows, an old Liurnian ruin intimately connected to the Nox and their rituals.

(My friend @katyspersonal also believes the Nox's Black Moon might have simply been an imitation they created, as it seems to have worked differently than the other moons we know of. For example, it wasn't just one person envisioning it, but multiple. It was also physically present underground and was even broken apart by Astel, while these other moons seem much more distant. It's not necessary to believe this in order for the whole theory I'm proposing to work, but if it's true it would certainly strengthen it lol)

In any case, Qamarmoon also posited that the three sisters might have indeed referred to Renna, Rennala and Rellana, and that Seluvis' Rise wasn't the only one that got its name changed, but Ranni's too, leaving Renna's as the only untouched one. Interestingly enough, it's also where you find the Snow Witch set.

The whole convo made me suddenly remember something I had always taken for granted... the Ice Crest Shield.

This small shield, found in Caria Manor, has a snowflake design that was said to be the crest of a Carian princess. Now, I had always assumed this was referring to Ranni, but I realized something. If it were, it wouldn't have been vague about it. When symbols and insignias are relevant to a specific Demigod or important person they are never spoken about like that... and besides, the crest should be found somewhere else related to Ranni herself if it was hers.

But it's not, and what really seals the deal for me is that Ranni's connection to the cold wasn't something well-known, as it came from her secret mentor, the Snowy Crone.

Ranni, for all intents and purposes, was a moon witch like her mother, earning the title of Lunar Princess.

Even Blaidd's blade was imbued with frost only when he vowed to never leave Ranni's side no matter what, walking that dark path with her. The cold seems intimately tied to her secret grim fate.

Even more damning, is that the Glintstone Sorcerers of the Lazuli Conspectus, a Carian-affiliated branch of the Academy of Raya Lucaria, wield the Ice Crest Shield.

However, the Conspectus more than likely predates Ranni by a long margin and seems to have no connection to her overall. Furthermore, the colors of their robes, while likened to the hues of a Full Moon, do contain white accents reminiscent of the Snow Witch set, which was Renna's before it was Ranni's.

So then, could it be that Renna is the Carian princess mentioned on that very shield? Maybe even Rennala and Rellana'a older sister! There seems to be quite a bit of evidence for it!

But, I understand if you are skeptical. After all, why wouldn't she be the Queen of Caria if she was the eldest daughter, or even mentioned at all? Better yet, how would it work if Caria as royalty was established by Rennala herself as stated by her Remembrance?

Let's start with the latter. I do not believe that statement is proof enough to come to such a conclusion. Don't get me wrong, it would be, if it weren't for the fact it's the only instance of this, and it's contradicted by so many other descriptions.

And you may say it's not true. The Stargazer Heirloom also implies the same. After all, it speaks of a young astrologer finding the Full Moon and becoming queen.

It does sound a lot like Rennala, right? But two small bits prevent it from being the case. The first one is the fact that it's engraved with a "legend". The only other heirloom with this description is that of the Two Fingers. Meanwhile, the two heirlooms depicting Radahn and Malenia, prominent figures of the current Lands Between, are said to be depicting "a scene from a heroic tale". Legend implies a certain degree of antiquity, which Rennala does not seem to possess.

The other detail, which is even more weighty, is that she is referred to as an astrologer. Astrologers were ancient people situated on the Mountaintops of the Giants and were once their neighbors. So close was their bond that they created a sword to honor it.

Some of the Carians, like Rellana, even believed that Fire and Moon should always be together, which is part of the reason she followed Messmer during his Crusade.

So the astrologers are the ancestors of the Carians... but they are not the only ones who descend from them. All Glintstone Sorcerers are descendants, in fact!

After all, it was an ancient astrologer who once envisioned the Founding Rain of Stars, basis of all Glintstone Sorceries and the foundation of the Academy of Raya Lucaria.

If Rennala had been that very astrologer girl in the legend, then she not only would have been incredibly ancient by now, but it would also mean she enchanted the academy immediately after its founding, since they'd be part of the same time period. This would leave them no room to develop the opposing beliefs that created the current friction between the two factions, which doesn't seem to be the implication.

The woman in the heirloom is most likely just Rennala's ancestor, who envisioned the Full Moon and changed the trajectory of her branch of astrologers forever.

This isn't the only thing against the idea Rennala is the sole founder of the house of Caria as well as its one queen! Counter-evidence comes in the form of several descriptions mentioning long-standing traditions involving princesses and matrimony... which wouldn't make sense if Rennala had been on the throne child-free with only her little sister for god knows how long...

In fact, another point towards the idea that Rennala was a princess herself once is her use of a particular ability, said to be employed by Carian princesses specifically. And she's the only Carian character to ever use this technique...

My very last bit of evidence is the fact she is also known as the "last Queen of Caria". A title given to her by her own daughter Ranni.

Now, there would be no point in making such a specification if she had been the ONLY queen of Caria up to that point. What makes more sense, coupled with everything else we have already talked about, is that she is the last queen in a long line of queens...

Simply put, I don't believe the Remembrance implies that she is the sole founder of the House of Caria. It is already considered a "house" after all, so it had the status of nobility at least, and noble houses, as you may know, aren't always in charge as rulers. Several houses contend for sovereignty, and it's often a cyclical thing.

Perhaps Rennala was simply the one to bring Caria back to its former heights by discovering the very same Full Moon that once uplifted her people long ago... this also means that multiple people can witness the same moon, which fits nicely with both Renna and Ranni envisioning the same celestial object.

This leads us back to the question of "what happened to Renna then, and how can she be the older sister if she didn't inherit the throne and Rennala did?".

I think the answer lies in the moon she had discovered. @katyspersonal proposed an idea some time ago, that the moons discovered by the Carian royals sort of foreshadow their eventual fate (It's mentioned in this post here [x] though it's mostly about a hypothetical Moon Goddess as a counterpart to the Fell God). It's something Qamarmoon also concluded independently, so I wouldn't say it's a nonsensical conclusion to draw.

The gist of it is that Rennala's Full Moon foreshadowed her union with the Erdtree, as the full moon is the result of its surface being bathed in the light of the sun, Rellana's Twin Moon foreshadowed her fate intertwining with Messmer, their two powers standing together, and Ranni's Dark Moon foreshadowed the lonesome occult path she'd have to walk to "obscure" the light of Grace.

The theme of celestial objects controlling the fate of all individuals is something quite prominent in the setting, so I'm pretty sold on this concept personally!

So yes, I believe Renna simply walked an occult path that led her to obscurity, maybe even of her own volition. To renounce her birthright in pursuit of something different... it's exactly what Rellana had done in an attempt to stand by Messmer's side.

It's also quite common for prominent figures to completely vanish in the Lands Between, as odd as it is to say. For example, we know that all the Demigod children of Marika who did not survive the Night of the Black Knives (minus Godwyn of course) have all but disappeared from history. We only know they existed, not what they did or accomplished. It's bizarre, to say the least...

Not to mention the entirety of the Land of Shadow, obscured and forgotten as an endless war is waged. Rellana too has had any mention of her having existed seemingly scrubbed from history, at least in the Lands Between.

Furthermore, it's exactly what Ranni did as well, erasing all of her steps and seemingly vanishing without a trace.

But what became of Renna then? Perhaps her insistence that Ranni fears the Dark Moon is from experience, and she doesn't want her to commit the same mistakes...

The two most prominent traits of the Snowy Crone are the blue skin and the four arms, features that remind me of the accursed followers of the Royal Revenants, often known as Wraith Callers due to the bells they use to attract vengeful spirits.

Interestingly enough, Liurnia has the biggest concentration of these guys out of all locations in the game. Most prominent for this theory is their large numbers in the Moonlight Altar, a place that's very relevant to all Carian royalty.

These beings are said to be all cursed, explaining their spectral, twisted forms. Now, I don't think Renna became like the ones we find in-game. They don't seem to hold any connection to the moon and ice, but rather to curses and wraiths. However, she might have died and been cursed in a similar manner, twisting her into a form closer to that Ranni's body is based on.

It's also worth pointing out that Ranni is the one who hands the Spirit Calling Bell to us, which is basically the good version of the Wraith Calling Bell that the Revenant Followers use. However, it's unclear why she wants to give it to Torrent's new master, so it might have not belonged to the Snowy Crone originally.

-

So in conclusion... the idea that the Snowy Crone was actually a princess of Caria named Renna, sister of Rennala and Rellana makes a surprising amount of sense! It neatly explains the crone's knowledge of the Dark Moon, the existence of the Three Sisters in general, the identity of the princess the ice crest was a symbol of, the suspiciously familiar name of Renna feeling just like she is part of the Carian family... it just works so well I think!

Finally. It's a conclusion I am satisfied with... Elden Ring feels very complex regarding most of the unseen people in the cast. Gently waiting for the day we can finally understand the Gloam-Eyed Queen too in such a satisfying manner. Then I will know peace lmao.

---UPDATE---

Ok, so this line from Iji was brought to my attention in the comments, mentioning Ranni as the "first heir in the Carian royal line".

This almost makes it sound like there weren't any heirs before her, which would invalidate literally everything I've said so far about Rennala not being the first Carian queen.

So I decided to check the Japanese script [x], and this line is as follows there: "カーリア王家正統の王女たるラニ様の、運命もまた同じはずです". The part we are gonna focus on is the one I've highlighted.

That doesn't translate to "the first heir in the Carian royal line" but rather "the legitimate princess (正統の王女) of the royal house of Caria (カーリア王家)".

This means that my argument is still safe and sound. Ranni is simply a legitimate heir to the throne, not the first one to be heir. There's also a possibility they didn't mean it to be taken literally, but you are never too sure with these decisions... so yeah, just thought I'd make an addendum so it's addressed in the post itself. I mean, not everyone reads the comments after all!

Okie, addendum over.

[heretherebeturtles-comic]

Hello! Many people have said this but ill say it too, I LOVE YOUR COMIC SO MUCH ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

I really wanted to ask you about how you do the backgrounds? (Something i struggle with) whats the process? Like from start to finish, also, to do the rise backgrounds do you use reference from the show and generally real photo of ny? Or do you come up with them? And last question- The shadow and light on the background- Like HOW

i know it’s a lot of questions but i’m just so curious qwq and wanna learn to be better, thank you again in case you read this and respond, in case you don’t, i hope you have a nice day and a wonderful life uwu keep up the great work! (≧◡≦) ♡

Backgrounds are a really broad subject and I'm always a little overwhelmed when asked this question. Just like drawing the human body, backgrounds take time, repetition, and practice!

My answer got a bit long, so it's going under a read more :) but if you digest info better in video format I found this on youtube

It pretty much goes over everything I wanted to say, but in a much better way. I wish I had found it before writing all this out lol

ok, first of all, I'm not a teacher nor was I built to be one of those cool helpful art tutorial people who do a full coloured tutorial filled with illustrations. This is just going to be a messy "how I do backgrounds / environment layouts from start to finish." kinda thing.

... lets start with a sight tangent.

Sketch from Life!!!

If you want to get better at backgrounds I recommend doing some sketching out in the real world!

When I was first getting into doing backgrounds I went to cafes and parks to just sketch the buildings and objects. Sketch rocks, flowers, clumps of grass, garbage cans, bottles, tables, street signs, etc. If you are drawing a tree observe how the trunks twist, how the bark flows, or how the leaves are bunched.

If you can't leave the house the same still applies! Sketch the interiors of your house, the walls, or common objects like chairs and bookshelves. How are objects stacked? items on the floor?

If you aren't comfortable with drawing outside or in public you can take some photos to draw from! They are good for practice and you can use them again as references later. Alternatively you can find pictures online of buildings and objects to sketch as practice.

All spaces have objects in them, it becomes easier to draw those kinds of spaces when you already have spent time observing and sketching them.

ALSO! They don't have to be good sketches! It's just to build out your mental catalogue and strengthen your perception of perspective.

now the actual thing...

BACKGROUNDS

(the pictures used for this are my own. I dug them out of my 2022 folder)

Backgrounds have slightly different rules based on what you are making them for. Videogame Environment Concept Art vs Animation Layouts vs Comic Backgrounds vs Illustration backgrounds.

They all follow the same basics, which I will go over here, but the intention and function of those designs are going to be different. It's all about how you set up the scene and what it's purpose is!

Brainstorming and Thumbnailing

I like to think about a location as though it is a character. An abandoned old house with creaky sagging floorboards is very different from a futuristic space ship with sharp metal floor panels. A gas station has a very different feeling from a library.

I usually start by asking what is this location's story? Why was it built and for what purpose? What kinds of things does this room need to fulfill that purpose? You don’t need solid answers, but its good to be thinking about it while you are working.

Next, sketch some ideas for how this place is going to look. For me, this usually involves drawing the idea from multiple angles and then making lists & small sketches of the objects I think should be filling the space.

Example: The main character of my original work is a Wanderer. They collect a lot of things on their travels, but those items have to be small enough to be easily carried in a backpack. I wanted his room to be in the corner of an attic, walled off by curtains, and filled with trinkets. You can see some of my brainstorming above.

References

I only look for references after I've done some sketching and planning; this is to solidify my idea first so that I don't accidentally copy anyone else's work. I will make a moodboard with pictures of lighting, colours, items, rooms with specific ceiling beams, old chairs, etc. basically whatever I feel fits the vibe.

Honestly, I don't use references as much as I should. For ROTTMNT fanart I look at backgrounds and screenshots from the series to study the style. I also reference actual photos of NYC to get a feel for how Rise condenses the visual information.

In general, it's good to have references of real life objects/locations, because there are so many details like cracks in pavement, stickers on polls, crowning on buildings, fancy fencing, weird chair legs, etc. that you might not think of. It's the imperfect details that can make a location feel more alive.

Perspective

Once you have your chosen sketch we move to.... the infamous perspective boxes. Doing backgrounds is just learning to be comfortable drawing So Many boxes and carving items out of them.

Many better artists than myself have made videos on perspective, vanishing points, and all the technical bits. Videos like THIS ONE and THIS ONE are helpful (this post is great too!!). There are probably a lot of classes to be found on Skillshare or Schoolism. I learned a lot of this in my college art course, so I can't give you a specific video which helped me.

You can get by and be a good artist without learning this stuff. There are quite a few successful artists who have admitted they never bothered to learn perspective (one of these people even made a whole graphic novel series).

I personally avoided properly learning this stuff until I was in my 20s because I thought it would be boring and difficult to do. tbh I really wish I had learned it earlier because it's so much fun to make those silly little boxes imo. It looks scary and complicated but, just like drawing humans, it just takes time, repetition, and practice to develop the knowledge and skills.

Cleanup

You have your boxes and lines! Cool! Now to make a scene out of it. Fill in the details, get everything placed were you want it! Generally, the lines of each item will point back towards the horizon line, but they can have different perspective points.

Generally you would want to clean it up and get your room completely sketched before doing the lineart. I tend to combine the steps (not recommended)

Lineart

I've mentioned how I do this before. Closer objects have thicker lines and more detailed inside. Further objects have thinner lines and less detail. I didn't quite achieve that balance with the image below, but it's close enough.

Colours and Shading will have to be a separate post. In the meantime, I highly recommend the book "Color and Light" by James Gurney. I used to borrow it from my local library and a good chunk of my knowledge was learned from it :)

[cal-1maf]

Before we get into black holes, there are a few myths about them that deserve to be addressed.

First off, they don’t “suck stuff in.” They exert gravity on objects the same as anything else with mass. In fact, if our sun were to be magically replaced, instantly, with a black hole of equal mass, our orbit around it wouldn’t change at all! 

Second, that they’re black because their gravitational pull is so large that not even light can escape. This one’s more complicated. Around the singularity, there is a region of space where an observer cannot see “in”, which is called the event horizon. If you’re curious, this region’s size is defined by the black hole’s “Schwarzchild Radius” (Rs), which is defined by the equation Rs = 2GM / (c^2) where G is the gravitational constant, M is the mass of the black hole, and c is the speed of light.

In simple terms, let’s say we send an astronaut into the black hole. As they approach the event horizon, they experience time passing normally. From their perspective, they fall toward the black hole, through the event horizon, and observe whatever is happening beyond it. But from our perspective as an observer, the astronaut appears to slow down. Gravity affects spacetime, and the farther down a gravity well one goes, the slower time moves. This is actually something that GPS satellites need to account for, because this difference is observably present even for Earth’s gravity!

So as observers, the astronaut’s progress continues to slow as they approach the event horizon, to the point that their progress appears to just stop when they arrive at the edge of it. This is where the astronaut will appear to be, forever…if we could still see them. Light is also affected: it appears to slow down too and its frequency decreases. This decrease of its frequency is called redshift, and as the light approaches the event horizon it redshifts out of observable frequencies. So the astronaut, and the light with which we’d observe them, disappear without ever passing the event horizon from our perspective as observers. Remember, from the astronaut’s perspective they’re moving as normal and they pass through the event horizon just fine. So while, yes light can’t escape the event horizon, we’d never see it pass into it in the first place, and that’s why black holes appear black.

The last misconception, which I’m guilty of spreading in my last post, is that all black holes are infinitely dense. This is true in some cases, but supermassive black holes can actually have very low density! When I can find a satisfying answer as to why, I will be sure to share it lol.

This has become another one of my Very Long Posts, so if you would rather absorb this information in video or audio format, PBS Space Time has an excellent video here which I found very helpful in my understanding. All the material I’ve covered in this post is in this video, actually.

[whambamsami]

red velvet

my fist ever fic! hope you like it :) not really sure how this site works yet so so sorry if anything is formatted incorrectly!

Summary:

Bucky's found solace in a seductive jazz speakeasy, a perfect escape for whenever he isn't busy saving the world. But there's a new band performing tonight, and the lead singer has him questioning everything he knows about being a gentleman.

Warnings: no warnings! but if i ever do another part to this, i will be adding many warnings lol

Bucky Barnes was not known for his social aptitude. 

Maybe that’s why he took to this specific place so much.

The Red Fox, a small Italian restaurant owned by a darling elderly man, was tucked away in a cobblestone alley, a whisper in a city that screamed. Despite the incredible tiramisu, it didn’t garner much attention. 

That is, from those who didn’t know any better.

Lurking just below, hidden behind a brass door and a set of stairs that would creak with age, had it not been for the red plush carpet that swallowed any unwanted sounds, was The Red Fox’s best kept secret; L’Affare. 

Dark walnut paneling and the permanent smell of cigars clung to the deep crimson velvet curtains draped around the place kept any sunlight- or wandering eyes- at bay. Leather banquettes hugged the walls like old lovers, and a curved mahogany bar anchored the room, the glistening glass of amaro, vermouth, and top-shelf gin winking at patrons like crown jewels. Customers spoke almost only in whispers, and laughed almost only with too many teeth.

People who knew L’Affare knew better than to run their mouths about the happenings of such a place. 

Which made it the perfect spot for individuals who preferred a bit of discretion to accompany them on a night out. 

This, in turn, attracted a wide variety of guests. 

Including the Avengers. 

Natasha and Clint were the first to stumble upon L’Affare, having followed a group of men who were believed to be involved the mob down the stairs, and were enticed to stay for the near-perfect cocktails and the comfort brought by the tight-lipped staff who moved as if two of the Avengers drinking at their bar was a common, if not boring, occurrence. 

Soon, the rest of the team learned of the safe haven beneath the Red Fox, and couldn’t resist a chance to experience the normalcy brought about by its tact. 

So, when Steve told Bucky about a little place that he could get an Old Fashioned without the all stares and all the questions that made even remedial tasks like grocery shopping a nightmare, he gladly took him up on the offer. 

They became a bit like regulars, always making sure to give a friendly nod to the unassuming staff upstairs before descending into the hazy slice of paradise that was nestled under the busy street above. 

Not only did L’Affare have bartenders that knew how to make a mean drink, the comforting yet seductive ambiance of the speakeasy lulled both Bucky and Steve into a comforting familiarity, reminiscent of their time before the war. Every Friday and Saturday that wasn’t taken up by work, they’d be nestled in a corner, telling old tales and chuckling between themselves. Sometimes others would join, Sam usually, but Bucky and Steve were L’Affare’s most frequent customers. 

This Friday night was like no other. Steve and Bucky had returned from a mission earlier that day, and both were itching to return to their routine. Once they had rested a bit and showered off all the sweat, grime, and fluid that had accumulated on their bodies throughout the job, they happily made their way to their favorite secret spot. 

Both men, enhanced and thus unnaturally giant, had to duck to fit under the brass door as they plod their way down to the familiar bar. 

Tonight, however, they noticed a stark difference in L’Affare’s usual appearance.

The smaller seats and tables that typically sat in the center of the room had been pushed aside, replaced by a small stage, crafted by what looked to be the same wood used for the bar. 

Bucky and Steve exchanged glances before making their way to sit at the bar, the weight of both of them plopping down enough to cause the martini glasses hanging overhead to clink together like glittering crystal windchimes. The bartender, who had served them many times, made his way over to the two men, cleaning his cocktail shaker and nodding politely at them, both in polite acknowledgement and to question what they’d like to drink. 

Steve orders a single, aged, well-aged scotch. Bucky sticks with a simple Tiger Beer, ever the simple man. 

Once the older gentleman serves them their drinks, he moves to give them a bit of space, but Steve motions for him to stay.

“Would you happen to know what’s going on tonight? With the stage and all?” he asks, gesturing to the center of the room behind him.

The man nods politely. “Boss hired a band for tonight. They’re supposed to be real good.”

Steve nods appreciatively, ever the gentleman, as the bartender returns to the other side of the bar, topping off the gin and tonics of the older, oily pair of men in inky black suits, unbuttoned far too much for their age. 

“Band, hm? Sounds sort of fun” Steve says to Bucky between sips. 

Bucky nods. 

“Hopefully nothing too loud” he replies gruffly, a small smile betraying his interest. 

The pair chat for a bit, the day slipping away, and soon the lights of L’Affare are dimming even more than usual, the typical amber glow lower than before. 

The crowd hushes in anticipation. 

Silhouettes were the only hint to what was happening on stage. A group of men who Bucky assumed to be a band were further back on the left side, where three womanly silhouettes were tucked away to the right in uniform fashion. A single figure stood front and center of the stage that drew Bucky’s eye the most. Legs that he could only assume were lengthened by heels led his gaze up to delicious hips and-

Before he could fully register what was in front of him, the sound of a low, lazy saxophone began, curling under his chin and beckoning him closer. The lights flicked on, with a single spotlight illuminating the figure that had caught his attention earlier. 

Bucky gulped. 

All of the women on stage, both the three backup singers and the lead, were in ruby colored silky gowns, like they had emerged from the velvet and leather that adorned much of the rest of the bar. But no one wore it like the main singer, who just filled it out so nicely. 

And then she started singing. 

The second she opened her plush lips, smiling like she knew something Bucky didn’t, he involuntarily tightened his grip, silently thanking God that his vibranium hand was grasping the stool and not the glass of the beer can. 

She wasn’t loud. Didn’t need to be. Honestly, Bucky thought to himself, she didn’t even need to sing, for all he cared, that was how drop-dead gorgeous she was. She purred into the vintage-looking microphone, her dark painted nails glinting as she caressed it, pulling it closer to her lip gloss-coated mouth. 

What Bucky would give to be that microphone. 

Her voice was beyond sweet, like honey poured over a blade. She swayed her hips, Jesus, those hips, softly to the music, and Bucky wouldn’t look away. Couldn’t. He sat there, stupidly, staring up at her like she was something religious, something sacreligious, god, he could care less. All he knew was that she was glowing. 

Steve turned to Bucky, wanting to see his thoughts of the performance so far, and smiled smugly when he took in his friend’s expression. 

“Might want to close your mouth, Bucky. Unless you’re gonna take a sip, or make this a duet” he jests, nudging Bucky playfully. 

Bucky snapped his mouth shut, stopping whatever retort he surely would have thrown to Steve if he was at all mentally available for their typical back-and-forth, his eyes darting to the forgotten beer in his hand. He took a heavy swig before returning to stare at the woman onstage that was quickly making him feel much drunker than he was. 

The band stuck mostly with classics from the Rat Pack, some Peggy Lee thrown in here and there. No one in the room could look away. The lead singer was absolutely hypnotic. 

Song after song, and Bucky didn’t think he’d blinked even once. He didn’t want to miss a second. 

After the band finished up a lovely rendition of Gentle On My Mind, the lead singer leaned in to speak, not sing, for the first time all evening. 

“Thank you all for being such a wonderful audience. We’ve got time for one more, so I hope you won’t mind if we do one of my favorites!”

God, her regular voice was just as enticing. Was that even possible? 

Bucky didn’t have long to consider that until the band was striking up again, ending the night with a killer performance of Cross Over The Bridge. 

Still, he sat at the bar, unmoving, beer untouched in his hand, lips slightly parted, unable to look away.

And finally, finally, the lead singer’s twinkling eyes locked with his as she sang and swayed, that same smile still gleaming out to the crowd, except now, it was gleaming right at Bucky. 

It felt like someone had ripped his chest open and was squeezing his heart. Was this a heart attack? Was he dying? 

He managed to compose himself enough to give her a smile back, his eyes still hazy from whatever godforsaken witchcraft she had used on him. She was too far away, he hoped, to see just how much she had affected him.

Soon, much to Bucky’s dismay, the song ended. She stood and thanked the crowd as they applauded (Bucky by far the loudest, which Steve found very entertaining) and the band cleared the stage, disappearing behind a wall of velvet. Bucky could breathe again. Much to his dismay. 

“You liked it that much, huh?” Steve asked, a teasing lilt in his voice. 

Bucky didn’t even have the strength to feign disinterest. 

“Did you see her? The lead singer? I think she looked at me.” He does his best to mask just how excited he felt at the possibility, but Steve had known him far too long to let him get away with playing coy.

“Oh, she looked at you, alright. You should have said something. Ask her out, maybe.” “Said something? And interrupt? Plus, if she isn’t interested, we run the risk of having to find another bar that won’t make us take a picture for their wall.” Bucky huffs, clearly torn by his intense attraction and mild fear of rejection. 

Steve put his palms out in surrender. “Fair enough. Just… haven't seen you that excited about a girl since the 1940’s. Plus, we already know you guys have similar taste in music” he jokes, finishing off his second scotch. 

Bucky can’t stop a half-smile from forming on his stubble-covered face. He likes the idea that they would have things in common, that they do have things in common. 

It takes a second for him to respond. 

“...Hypothetically…”

“Hypothetically?” Steve questions.

“If I were to consider saying something, what would I say? Hypothetically, of course.”

Steve paused to consider.

“I hate to say this, but you’re asking the wrong guy. I never exactly learned how to pick up women. But we should definitely use our resources here.”

“Use our resources” Bucky asks, tilting his head a bit. Interested. Confused, but interested.

Steve pulls out his phone, a more modern version than his previous flip phone, but still definitely outdated. 

“Hmm… definitely not Tony… maybe Sam? No… Oh! Got it.” 

Bucky waits for him to finish the text, looking expectantly. 

Steve turns to face him, grinning, clearly proud of his quick thinking. 

“So, who’d you ask?”

“Natasha.”

“Natasha?” Bucky furrows his brow involuntarily. As much as he’s grown to be close friends with her, he’d still like to keep this under wraps as much as possible, to minimize potential embarrassment. 

Before Steve can say anything, his phone lights up. Natasha’s ID pops up. The two lock eyes before Steve answers.

“Nat, hey! Did you see my text? Figured we could use a woman's opinion.”

“Good idea, Rogers” her voice comes through a bit fuzzy. She’s definitely out as well, in some other hidden pocket of New York City, eager to blow off a bit of steam after the work she’d put in this week.

“So, what do we know about her so far? What kind of interactions have you guys had?” Natasha inquires.

Bucky and Steve pause for a beat.

“...Well… we haven’t really gone farther than eye contact so far.”

Nat matches their moment of silence. 

“Hm.”

“...Yeah.”

“Okay, well, you’re at a bar, aren’t you? Why don’t you buy her a-”

She’s cut off by the bartender appearing in front of the two supersoldiers. He drops two clear shots off in front of them, doing a terrible job of hiding his smirk. 

“Sorry, sir, we didn’t order-” Steve begins.

“They were sent by the band, sir. It’s vodka. Top shelf. Enjoy.” 

And he’s gone again, retreating to the dark corner from which he came. 

Bucky and Steve share a bewildered look. They were no strangers to free drinks, of course. 

But this was from the band. 

Slowly, they do their best to see through the smoke and darkness that shrouds the far corner that usually allows the bartenders to melt into the background. And there, nursing martinis, are the ladies in red who had just graced the stage, smiling sweetly, raising their glasses in appreciation to the two heroes that sat across from them. 

Nat’s voice breaks their silence.

“Was that what I thought it was?”

Bucky is quick to interject. 

“Thanks, Nat, really, but I think we’ve got it from here.” He hangs up, and looks at Steve, a bit of a wild look in his eyes.

Steve smiles. 

“Guess we found our excuse to go talk to them, huh?”

Bucky doesn’t reply. Instead, he takes both shots, ignoring the burn of the liquor as it pours down his throat. 

Steve’s eyes widen a bit, surprised by his friend’s sudden actions, but he’s never been one to get in Bucky’s way. 

“You alright, Buck?”

Bucky’s breathing has noticeably picked up, his eyes still a bit wide. But he smiles. 

“Better than alright. I’m going over there. Would be ungentlemanly not to thank them, wouldn’t it?”

Steve chuckles. 

“Fair enough. But I got dibs on the cute backup singer.”

They head over, Steve putting a gentle hand on Bucky’s broad shoulder to slow him to a normal pace. 

“Easy, big guy. Those shots were from the band, not just your favorite singer. They could be from the saxophone player for all we know.” 

They don’t need to announce themselves, usually, due to their large presence, both physically and metaphorically. All four of the women turn when the men approach, easy smiles on both their faces.

“We just wanted to thank you ladies for the shots. You were all great up there.” Steve begins, addressing the group. Bucky can only look at her. 

How can she be even prettier off the stage? 

She’s smaller than he thought. Being on stage makes people look a bit taller, he guesses, but now that she’s perched on a barstool, he looms over her. He smiles politely, praying he looks at the very least like someone close to sanity. His enhanced senses are absolutely drowning in her sweet vanilla perfume. He can see that she used a bit of… what was that, body glitter? Maybe an oil? Something shiny that draws his attention to her delicate collarbones, and then lower, lower… 

His mother would absolutely murder him if she saw him acting so improperly. He collects himself and smiles, nodding after Steve. “Yeah, you were... You were all great up there, really.”

The women smile politely, thanking them.

One of the backup singers, her dark curly hair cut short in a pixie cut, speaks first. 

“Don’t be too thankful for those shots! We drink for free on the nights we sing” She jokes. 

The two men laugh. 

“Guess we better stick close to you tonight then” Bucky jokes back, eyes unintentionally flitting to the lead singer. 

She smiles warmly. 

At him.

“If you know what’s good for you, you sure will.” She teases lightly. 

Bucky thinks he might die. 

Was she flirting? Just joking with them to be polite? Bucky didn’t even care, he only cared that she was talking. Talking to him. 

Or, talking to a group that he was a part of. It didn’t matter to him. 

“Aw, you’re too kind, doll.” He subtly shifts a bit closer to her, fighting his instincts to turn her away from the group, so it can be just the two of them. “You don't have to share with us.” He’s joking, but there’s something genuine behind us. He’s giving her an out. 

“No, no! Please. It’s the least we could do for you boys.” She beams, her smile so dazzling it nearly knocks Bucky on his ass. 

“Really, you two are heroes” another backup singer, the one with long, caramel braids flowing down her back, gushes at them, sipping her martini shyly. 

Bucky and Steve both rub their necks bashfully.

“You flatter us. We should be getting your drinks after that show tonight. But, if you drink for free…” Steve leaves his sentence open ended, a cheeky smile adorning his bearded face. 

Speaking of, the bartender returns with a chilled bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice, paired with a large platter of oysters. 

“Good timing, you two. We can’t finish all this on our own!”, the first backup vocalist, the one who looks a bit like Betty Boop, looks expectantly at Steve and Bucky. 

The two men don’t take much convincing before they pull up seats, each on either end of the group of women. Bucky sits next to his lead singer. They must look ridiculous next to each other, he thinks to himself, as he absolutely dwarfs her. He hopes she doesn’t mind, she’s such a tiny little thing…. 

“So… you like older music? Or, do you only like it when you’re paid to?” He inquires, desperate to speak to her about something. Anything. 

She laughs softly, and oh, god, if he liked her voice, her laugh is just… something else entirely. He’d like to make her laugh forever, he thinks, or at least for the rest of the night. As long as she’ll let him. 

“Oh, I love it! My dad raised me mostly on Frank Sinatra, so anything he’s been near, I’m a pretty big fan of.” 

“Frank, huh? I think I have just about all of his records.”

“No way! I’ve been collecting some of his! I just found a really great Dean Martin one, actually…”

The conversation continued with ease, the only discomfort came from whenever Bucky would have to wrench his gaze away from her lips before she caught on. The bar was closing soon, and even though the band typically is allowed to stay late, all pretty exhausted. Steve, Bucky, and the band all head out together. Bucky thinks he overhears Steve asking for one of the backup singers’ number, the one who looks like Betty Boop, he thinks to himself. It dawns on him that the night is coming to an end. 

“Hey, doll?”

“Hmm?”

She turns to face him, the red glow of the signs in the window illuminating her beautifully. Bucky’s breath catches, but he clears his throat. 

“Let me walk you home.”

“Oh, really, Bucky, you don’t have to-”

“It’s not safe for a lady to be walking alone at night-”

Her giggle, her adorable giggle, cuts him off. 

“I was going to say you don’t have to because I was going to Uber”, she says through a smile.

He falters for a split second.

“...A car, alone, with a strange man? That’s worse!”

“So your solution is that I walk home in the dark, alone, with a strange man?” She counters playfully.

He laughs, surprised.

“A strange Avenger, thank you very much. It’s practically in the job description at this point.”

She rolls her eyes, the discrete tug on the corner of her mouth betraying her as she counters.

“Oh, so you walk women home all the time, then?”

He lets himself feel a bit more confident than usual, mentally blaming the champagne as he leans in closer to whisper, “Only the special ones…”, a daring smile, one that he hadn’t worn since before HYDRA,  breaking across his usually broody demeanor. 

He swears once he gets closer that he can see the tiniest bloom of rosy blush start to form on her cheeks. 

Maybe it’s the cold of the night air. It could be the alcohol as well. But Bucky doesn’t care. Because for the first time in the past 70 years of his life, he feels like himself, like he felt before the war. 

He’ll be damned if he lets the woman that brought him back to that feeling Uber home. 

“C’mon. You said you live on 6th, right? It’s a nice walk that way. Plus, I have a surprise…”

“A surprise? It’s not like, a knife, right? Or a sex dungeon?” she teases, letting him softly lead her across the street, his vibranium hand cool through the thin fabric of her dress, as he gently moves her to the side of the street furthest from the road.

He laughs, surprised at her bold joke. 

“A sex dungeon?” he laughs, shrugging off his jacket and draping it over her small shoulders. The jacket was comically huge on her, practically brushing her knees, but he’d rather her dress be a bit hidden as opposed to her catching a cold. 

“You aren’t denying it!” She quips, trying her best to ignore the warmth his jacket brings her, his cologne filling her nose as she inhales on instinct. Pine overtakes her senses, and… mint, maybe? His toothpaste, perhaps, or a mint he’d popped in before the walk. She wonders if he’d taste like it.

He chuckles, the sound snapping her out of her thoughts, as he returns her teasing smile with a gentle nudge, quickly returning his hand to rest on her waist. Not too low, not too high. His mother would be proud. 

“Well, that would ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?”

“Bucky!” she squeals in surprise, swatting his broad chest, making him break out into laughter as well. 

They make their way, nearing her apartment, when he pulls her across the street, toward a dimly lit storefront. The LED ‘Closed’ sign hanging in the glass display window emitted the only light, spare the streetlamps. 

“Bucky, are you sure this is the place you’re thinking of? Looks extremely closed to me..” she muses, pointing helpfully to the sign in the window. 

He grins. “Don’t you trust me, doll?”, and he places one hand on the doorknob, outstretching the other for her to take.

She narrows her eyes, placing her small, warm hand in his cool metal one. “Not really, no…” she mutters, half serious.

He closes her hand and effortlessly pulls her into the building. The lights, which must be motion-activated, she cleverly deducts, flicker alive, illuminating the room to reveal a cozy, but empty Italian bakery. 

Her mouth falls open, taking in the perfectly decorated pastries that sat tauntingly in the display case. Rainbow cookies, cream puffs, varying cannolis… and she was starving. Those oysters from earlier were long forgotten. 

“Wow… okay, breaking and entering is definitely a great surprise, but are you sure we’re allowed to-?” 

He holds up a hand, still smiling knowingly, and points to the hallway.

Sure enough, a short, portly man emerges. At first, he looks a bit irritated to be bothered at such an hour, but when he sees Bucky’s face, he lights up. 

“Ah, James!” he exclaims, throwing his arms out to wrap Bucky in a hug.

James?

Bucky smiles, a bit red in the face. He introduces the singer as his date for the evening (which, in turn, makes her a bit more red than Bucky). He quickly explains that the man, Sal, owned the bakery, which, despite the sign outside, was actually open 24 hours to friends and family. 

“Friends and family, hmm? Which are you, then?” She muses, trying to see if there are any physical similarities between the two.

“Oh, James is a friend, but he’s basically family at this point.” the cheery old man explains, wrapping her in a friendly hug as well. “And any friend of James is a friend of mine! Come, take whatever you’d like. On the house.”

She turns to Bucky. “On the house, huh?”

He shrugs, the sheepish action not matching his wolflike grin.

“You’re not the only one with connections, you know.”

He looms behind her, bending a bit to be closer to her ear while they peruse the baked goods.

“You’re one cheap date, you know that?”

He snorts at her comment. 

“Yeah, yeah. I hope you’re fine with an Italian bakery, I took a gamble because of the restaurant you sing for, so…”

“Oh, no, I love it! You picked great, Bucky, this is an amazing surprise. You’ll have to help me choose, though… there’s so many options, and if you’ve already been here, I’d love any recommendations you might have.”

He straightens a bit, feeling pride at his ability to steer her in the right direction. They select a few cannolis and are on their way, waving happily with goodies in tow. 

As they cross the street, finishing up the cannolis (best in the city, Sal promised, and he definitely delivered. They were some of the best you’d ever had), she spoke through bites. 

“So… James, huh?”

He smiles a bit. 

“Yeah, James. You didn’t think my actual name was Bucky, did you?”

They laugh, a sense of familiarity enveloping them both as they stroll. Bucky found the confidence to drape an arm over her shoulder, keeping her close as they crossed the street to her apartment. 

For safety, he thought to himself. Just for safety. 

When they arrived under the awning under her apartment, they both paused. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. She glanced away, wary. 

She broke the silence. 

“Thank you for walking me home! And for the cannolis. Sal wasn’t kidding, these are incredible, really.” 

“I’m really glad you liked them. And I’ve said it a million times tonight, but you were incredible on stage. Thank you for letting me walk you home, I had a great time…”

He stepped a bit back, preparing to head off, refusing to overstay his welcome. A small flash of something crossed her eyes. What was it? Disappointment? 

Bucky was screaming at himself to ask for her number, for something, anything, that might result in the continuation of tonight. But his gentlemanly ways demanded that he not push his luck. 

“Well, goodnight, doll.” 

He turned, and made it a single step, cursing himself mentally. 

“Bucky?” she called, nerves plaguing her voice.

He turned to see her, hands clasped to stop herself from doing anything too rash, eyes a bit wider than before.

“...Think you’ll come see us again? The band, I mean?”

Her voice was shy, the shyest he’d heard it all night. Maybe she just wanted to secure customers for the bar, to make sure that her band would be asked back if patrons wanted to see them perform. But Bucky didn’t care. He knew, or he hoped he knew, that this was her masked way of asking to see him again, her thinly veiled questioning of if tonight had gone well, if he was.. Interested.

God, was he interested. 

Was that not how he had come off? 

Well, he can’t have that. 

He stepped closer, gauging her reaction. 

“Oh, definitely. I’d love to see you again.”

Another step. His icy blue eyes darkened in the light, pupils blown wide, raking across her face. 

The blush on her cheeks from earlier had returned. He could write that off as the alcohol, hell, even as makeup. 

But his enhanced senses picked up on other things. 

Like her heartbeat. Pounding in her chest. Yeah, that had absolutely accelerated when he stepped closer.

So he took another, testing the waters. 

“The band, I mean. I wouldn’t miss a show.”

And her heart rate definitely picked up a bit. Was he imagining it?

Her lips parted softly, her words coming out a bit breathy.

“Yeah? You liked the show?”

He could be imagining it, he told himself. He refused to misread this, to blow this opportunity. He would go as slowly as she wanted, until the end of time, if she asked him, if she only let him. 

But he had to see. He had to see if she’d even give him the chance, if he could get away with even just a little flirting, his night would be made, that’s all he needs…

“Oh, I loved it. Good music, great band. And, between me and you, I definitely have a thing for the lead singer.”

His words were playful. His eyes were anything but.

And he took one more step. Close enough to touch. He lifted his arm, the same one that was draped over her mere minutes ago, subtly, to graze her hand with his. Staring down at her, barely constraining himself for just scooping her up in his arms and shoving her against the steel of the elevator in her apartment, and showing her, really showing her just how bad he wanted her, how good he could make her feel, how many times he could make her- 

Her scent was intoxicating, so much so that he could barely think straight. He had been a perfect gentleman thus far (at least in action), and he would be damned if he blew it at the finish line. 

Until she glanced down at his lips. 

It was so fast he almost missed it. 

But nothing gets past Bucky Barnes. 

It was like he could feel a dam break inside him, his resolve slipping fast. 

He let his metal arm wrap around her waist, pulling her body flush against his, slowly. So slowly it was killing him, keeping his eyes locked on hers. He dipped his head down gently, their noses touching, just barely. 

“Can I kiss you, doll?” he murmurs, and if she says no, he thinks, he’ll politely accept, bid her goodnight, and then go run into the nearest busy street he could find. It was New York City, after all, it shouldn't take too long. 

She smiles sweetly, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, she stands on her tippy toes, drawing him a bit closer as she wraps her arms around his neck, their lips ghosting each other.

Fuck it. 

He finally makes his move, gently pressing his lips to hers. It’s slow and gentle, like the whole night has been. She tastes impossibly sweet, like cannolis and champagne. He tastes like sharp mint, she thinks to herself, like she thought he would. She’s soft, so soft and small and warm in his big arms, her hair and lips and body so welcoming, drawing him in, his mind firing in a run-on sentence of more, more, more. 

Quickly, very quickly, he’s getting lost in the kiss. 

Too quickly.

His concepts of chivalry are dissolving in front of him as she melts into him. He keeps one arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer to him, as he snakes the other around the back of her neck, deepening their embrace. She gasps softly into him, and fuck, that does it. 

He’s tried to resist, he really has, but when he hears that pretty noise, when he feels her body react to him, he pulls back without thinking and brings his lips to her jaw, leaving hot, open mouthed kisses trailing down to her collarbone.

Whatever lotion or perfume she put on earlier must be laced with nicotine, because it was seriously egging him on. 

Acting purely on instinct, his hand trails from behind her neck, down her waist, and slowly back up again, softly cupping her breast, drawing a gentle moan from her kiss-puckered lips. 

The sound goes straight through him, but also serves to snap him out of his trance. He realizes quickly what he’s doing, and straightens, absolutely mortified with himself.

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to let it go that far, I’d really like to get to know you more, and take you out properly, I just got carried away-”

He rambles frantically, horrified that he might have lost his one chance with her, until she cuts him off.

“Bucky.”

“...yeah?” he answers tentatively.

“Do you want to come upstairs?”

[gladiatorcunt]

summary: situationship!rafe cameron x afab nerd!reader

cw: angst undertones w/ a hopeful ending, black cat!coded reader x whatever rafe would be, suggestive action in the shower & mentions of off screen nsfw (cum and thigh fucking but the latter is a bit more graphic lol) , class differences, rafe is pathetic and weird, implied drug use, rafe beats a man but you can decide if he killed him, reader has implied mental health issues and low self esteem, ambiguous feelings on rafe’s part (he said ily but he could be lying), dark content themes, rafe calls reader kitty in both a mean way and a pet name way, if the thing with reader’s first crush sounds too real that’s cause it is 🤫, started my period while i was formatting this (i just thought y’all should know)

wc: 1.9k+

block & move on if uncomfortable !!!

consider commissioning me 🫀

“Hey, babe, would you be a good kitty and let me in?” Is what you’re greeted with when you swing open your screen door. Rafe Cameron looks pleased as punch, all things considered, soaking wet due to the pouring rain and no doubt high as a kite.

The slurred speech doesn’t alarm you as much as the river of blood flowing from his mouth.

“Jesus Christ, Rafe, what the fuck?” You try to sound harsh but the fuck is noticably softer than your other words and Rafe smiles, more blood drips down his chin.

You look over his shoulder to see his bike on its side in the dirt, it’s raining and you just know he’ll be pissed to see the mus clinging to it tomorrow. But for right now, you have an injured situationship to patch up.

He stumbles as you struggle to yank him aside, and he sways but collapses on your couch. You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying not to lose your shit immediately. The audacity of this man to waltz in on you barely alive and expect some twisted kind of comfort, after everything.

“I was studying you know, textbooks are expensive so don’t start getting your blood on them.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, I know.”

Rafe grunts but keeps his body away from your books. That’s the least he can do, the bare minimum. You sigh and walk over him, kneeling in front of the couch. His eyes are dazed and unfocused as you brush the hair away from his forehead, but his fingers twitch.

“Why did you come here, Rafe? To me?” You whisper, tired and unamused.

You’re startled by his harsh cough, his fingers twitch in your direction again, “ ‘Was nowhere else, wanted you.”

Isn’t that good enough?

You blink dumbly at that, but you have no answer for his crazed ramblings so you slap your knees and make your way to the bathroom. You procure a wet washcloth and some measly bandages, he would just have to deal with it. Rafe’s eyes drag towards you when you kneel back in front of him and bring the cloth to his mouth.

You avoid his stare as you sop up the copious amounts of blood, praying that this wouldn’t need a visit to the hospital. In some ways, you’ve seen too much blood since Rafe Cameron decided to make a mockery of your existence. The gaggle of rich girls he used to have on each arm disappeared but he excused it by detailing his plans to lead you on in front of his friends, checking to see if you were in ear shot.

There’s nothing you did, in your mind. You stuck to yourself and somehow invited the attention of some psycho. That’s the hardest part of the situation, you can’t pinpoint a true beginning. You can only remember being in this murky middle, devoid of an ending. Rafe does have a pretty face though, unfortunately, the water from cloth making his skin glisten. You’ll throw the rag out after this, there’s no point trying to get the stain of blood out of anything.

Eventually, you’re done with the first part and have an excuse to turn away from him. You get back on your feet to reach for the bandages but a groan coming from behind stops you. You turn around and freeze when Rafe buries his nose into your lower stomach, barely brushing the top of your mound over your pajama shorts. He hisses through his teeth in pain as he pushes your shirt up with his bloodied knuckles.

“Rafe Cameron, what the hell are you-“

“ ‘Smells good as fuck, love you.”

You refuse to admit that you love him too, you can’t give him that. Okay, now shit’s really getting out of hand. He dips his head to get closer to your pussy but the second you see the tip of his tongue touch your shorts, you direct his face back to your stomach. You’ve never gone further than ‘will they-won’t they’ type touches with Rafe, but you just can’t give in no matter how much you lie awake at night thinking about it.

“All this is because of you, you know that? You fucked me up and made pummel the crap outta that guy.” The vibrations his clumsy words send through you gives you a serious case of the shivers, so you distract yourself by running your fingers through his matted hair. Because of course there’s blood on his head too. You’d usually chalk what he’s saying up to drugs and insanity, but with Rafe you just never know.

“What?”

“He said maybe I should lay off you so he could have a piece instead, and I just…. lost it. Why should some chump get a part of what’s all mine?” He says with a startling amount of clarity, voice flat and low.

You don’t designate him with a response, and truth be told he doesn’t want you too. You stretch for what in actuality is a $3 dollar package of hello kitty bandaids and rip the white coverings off a few of them. He makes god awful sounds as you apply them to his mouth, head, and hands. The mess in his hair probably isn't his but your conscience won't let you leave it alone. Something foreign to your head and your heart won’t let you leave him alone.

You decide to put the knife in your back all on your own and look up into his eyes. They’re too half lidded to get a clear reading on them but you’re afraid to rely on the emotions underneath the surface. You used to be scared that he couldn’t feel anything. Now, the idea of Rafe Cameron believing he’s in love is far more terrifying.

He’s a bit ridiculous with My Melody, Kuromi, and Keroppi all over himself, you can’t help the small smile that comes over you. You quickly flatten it before he can get too pleased with himself but the fingers curled against your tummy spasm as they spread out to caress your skin. Rafe has an unreadable look on his face as he smears blood over your womb, but you think if you step away he’ll lunge at you.

“I can help you wash the blood off in the shower.” Saying that is in no way a promise of commitment or change, but it might be the closest you ever get.

You’re used to scraps, scraps are fine.

And well, for much you pride yourself on being perfectly fine being alone, it’s achingly human to crave being loved more than anything else. You wander aimlessly because you won’t go where you’re not wanted, and for the longest you’ve been wanted nowhere. But here you are, obsessed over by someone who everyone wants.

Maybe you’re sick of trying to make all the right decisions if this is where it gets you, cold and alone. Is it so bad to not care anymore? It couldn’t be worse than when your first crush told you he loved you and then had a baby with your bully, you reason. Or when he dated one of your friends and she would “joke” about marrying you when you were alone.

The short trip to the shower is awkwardly silent, you have to lead Rafe and make sure he doesn’t trip. You stare more than any Twilight character as you help each other strip. You try to avoid the bruises on Rafe’s torso, but he chuckles about how “You should see the other guy, kitty.”

So you don’t back away when he slows the trajectory of your calloused hands and drags them up his body. Your nails are bitten unevenly, some leave scratches on his abs and some don’t. It’s exhilarating to see Rafe Caneron’s thread come undone, to watch as he tilts his head back and sighs. You rest your hands on his pecs and kiss the hollow of his throat before you can stop yourself.

You won’t mention the squeak he tries to stifle with the back of his balled up fist.

You step away from him to be vulnerable in return, his satisfaction is much more evident this time around. He rips your camisole in two and unhooks your bra too well, clearly having had practice. He cups your breasts in his hands with tenderness that you’d think is out of character for him. Rafe doesn’t even honk them in the dude bro way that you’d always assumed he would. No, he… massages the flesh in his palms between slow squeezes.

“Don’t see why you’re so insecure about these, I like them just fine.” He huffs, bending down to motorboat you before pulling you in the shower through his grunts of pain and exertion.

You notice that he doesn’t steal a glance at your pussy, almost like he’s scared of seeing it bare and puffy… and wet.

You like to feel like a boiling lobster in the shower, so you turn the dial the same direction as always. You’re worried that Rafe will hate the sting but when the water hits, he moans with an open mouth, eyes shut tight. Before your next breath, you’re pushed against the wall and now the blood’s in your mouth as you're taken into a french kiss right out the gate.

You go with it against your better judgment, until Rafe pulls away to pant against your collarbone. His next kiss is softer, shy like it’s an unknown thing to the two of you. His lips glide and mesh with yours as the water trails down in between your slick bodies. You feel like you’re going to pass out but you couldn’t care less at the moment.

You open your eyes to see the water at the base of the shower run red, and you lose yourself in the swirling motion until the pop of your honey scented shampoo bottle lid snaps you out of it.

“Turn around kitty, ‘said I'd help you scrub down.”

He’d be embarrassed if you said it, but it’s obvious he’s never done this before. He’s like a bull in a china shop gathering you up in a loose bundle and sloppily spreading the soap throughout it. You stay silent, preferring to bask in the absurdity of it all.

Washing Rafe’s hair takes less time, but like he did when you were cleaning him up earlier, he chooses to stare at you the entire time. You scratch his head to really work the shampoo in there and get the dried blood out, he latches onto your wrists and lets his eyes drift shut. He makes it inconvenient to help him when he kisses your jawline, but you allow it.

“Thanks, you’re pretty good with your hands.” Rafe whispers with a wry grin, pecking your mouth and dropping to his knees. Your pomegranate body wash in his uninjured hand. The amount he squirts onto the dollar store loofah on his other hand is a touch too generous.

You have to replace the hello kitty bandaids when the originals fall off after Rafe steps out of the shower minutes later, he insists on it. You make him lean against the bathroom counter and watch as you take a second shower to clean out the cum, he wears a petulant frown the whole time.

You’re bent over that same counter when you’re back in his orbit, teary eyes wide as he fucks your plush thighs.

The rain turns into a thunderstorm outside.

[fairuzfan]

im trying to ask all different kids of accounts bc i can't get one solid answer - how would u specifically define zionist? do you think the people who are currently israelis (and are not west bank settlers, may they all be tried for their crimes) should be able to live in a decolonized palestine?

I had to take a couple of days mostly because I was trying to find a single concise answer for you in a citation. Before I give you a definition of a Zionist, I must first describe what Zionism and it's implications are. Here is Ismail Zayid's "Zionism, the myth and the reality" (click).

The very first couple of paragraphs of the book, he says:

Zionism, as a modern political creed, grew in close association with three interacting major forces which exercised a profound influence on the character and nature of the Zionist movement, resulting in three basic qualities characterizing this movement, namely: settler colonialism, expansionism and racism.

The first of the three major forces was the growth, in the nineteenth century, of European colonialism and imperialism and the expansion of the colonial settler regimes. The alliance made between Zionism and European colonialism is clearly attested to by both sides, identifying reciprocal benefits in the alliance. Herzl, in his "Der Judenstat," expressed clearly both the racist nature of Zionism as well as its role as a settler colonial outpost: "We should, there, form a portion of the rampart of Europe against Asia, an outpost of civilization as opposed to barbarism. We should, as a neutral state, remain in contact with all Europe, which would have to guarantee our existence."

There's more in the book that I can't type up lol, but in essence a Zionist subscribes to the idea of Zionism itself, and insists on the establishment of a settler colonial entity whether passively or actively.

Zionism is a settler colonialist movement, as stated by the founder of the movement for Zionism, Theodore Herzel (quoted above in the smalltext). It modeled itself after much of the European colonialist strategies, enforcing borders and nationalities on a previously border-lose world. I mention the making of borders as a fundamental part of colonialism because by rejection of those borders as a concept, we start to imagine the world in a post-colonial universe. Sherene Seikaly makes this point in her book "Men of Capital" in the introductory chapter:

But in such a search, it is almost inevitable that nationalism—its “lack,” its “strength,” or its “weakness”—will stand as a metonym for politics. In some renditions, the weakness of normative nationalism—a “political deficiency” and a lack of a national “spirit”—resulted in, as the leading historian of collaboration continues to argue, the catastrophe of 1948. In response, scholars have documented a national project among the Palestinians. This work is invaluable and has shifted the terms of debate as well as our understanding of the social and cultural geography of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries in Palestine. However, to continue reveling in the marriage between national consciousness and politics reifies colonial epistemologies. Moving beyond nationalism as both the means and ends of politics is long overdue. Certainly, nationalism was one aspect of subjectivity formation, but it was not the only way to make politics. What I seek to destabilize here is not whether Palestinians were sufficiently national, but to ask why that sufficiency and/or its lack continues to be the measuring stick for whether people can remain on the land they resided on for centuries. Must people’s investment in the random and shifting borders that imperial and colonial officials drew determine their status? Are there other ways to think about politics outside, beside, underneath, and alongside this national prism?

I've said this multiple times before on this blog in different ways, but I'll state outright: I reject the notion of nationalism as a way for us to authenticate Palestinians' claim to the land they've lived on for centuries, as Seikaly mentions. Zionism's core goal is the establishment of such borders is aligned with European colonialism's core goals: division of the world so that they may categorize itself within the world's hierarchy.

Now, the core saying in the Free Palestine movement you often hear is "From the River to the Sea." This, basically, is a rejection of the establishment of those borders as a necessity for the Palestinians to be recognized. Zionism relies on border-making for it to be an actual thing. Without borders, Zionism would not exist. Which is why the "Balfour Declaration," that had essentially districted and redistributed Palestine is often referenced by both Zionists and antiZionists. Balfour, a well known racist and antisemite, had advocated for the establishment of a "Jewish State" not because he really cared what happened to either party — but specifically so that he could get the Jewish people of Europe.... out of Europe.

Seikaly mentions this in "Men of Capital":

However, we should qualify its meaning to get at the specific condition of Palestinian invisibility in colonial epistemologies. Zionists of the late nineteenth century did not imagine that there were no people on the land of Palestine, but rather that they were not a people. Theodor Herzl described a set of caricatures that inhabited what he called the land of Israel: the wealthy effendis who could be had for a price and the remaining impoverished peasants who could be smoothly removed without incident. These people were a motley crew without anything defining or unifying them. Zionists from various political leanings did not share Herzl’s confidence that the people who lived in Palestine would not be attached enough to its land to resist their displacement.  However, the Zionist emphasis on the lack of a politically coherent and distinct people in Palestine who deserved to make claims to the land on which they had resided for hundreds of years would continue apace. The caricatures of the effendi and the peasant, as well as the depiction of the Palestinians as insufficiently rooted, continue to have currency. In the meantime, Zionists were hard at work shaping a cohesive settlement community around a new ethno-national understanding of what it meant to be Jewish. They called themselves the Yishuv. Zionism promised Jews who had suffered religious, political, and racial persecution for centuries in Europe that they could finally become European but only by leaving Europe. Anti-Semitism and Zionism had one thing in common: the belief that Jews could never assimilate in Europe. The process of becoming European by realizing a settler colony would be an abundant source of persecution: For the Palestinians it entails ongoing erasure; for the eastern (Mizrahi) Jews who did not fit the Ashkenazi (European) mold, it has meant decades of marginalization; and for the Ashkenazi, it required killing centuries of tradition, language, and culture to fit the template of the new Jew.

So now you know that Zionism is, at it's core the establishment of borders to reinforce itself as a colonialist entity — thereby enforcing a separation between the colonized and the colonizer that can seem material, but is, in fact, immaterial. Zionists are people who ascribe to the ideology that a Settler Colonial "Jewish State" must exist, and that its establishment is necessary for whatever reason, thereby enacting those borders and displacing the indigenous populations. But what does a post-colonialist society look like if we no longer have these regional borders and nationalism as we've come to understand it?

Palestinians argue for the Right to Return to their homes. I have family members that cannot see the places they were born in because they were kicked out and not allowed to return. I think, for these people especially, it's only natural that they be allowed to return.

You ask if people who are currently live in Israel should be able to live in a decolonized Palestine. Short answer: yes. Of course. There is no reason to reject these people who are willing to live in a decolonized Palestine.

Long answer: still yes but I'm going to re contextualize it a little.

We've established that a decolonized Palestine is one in which borders are irrelevant, as is the current version of nationalism, and no need for categorization. In a decolonized Palestine, as long as you are not a perpetrator of a "crime" (I put that in quotations because of the current colonial implications, but I lack a better word for it) that makes you — and not your grandparent/parent — directly responsible for colonization — like as you mention, settlers who violently expelled Palestinians — and willing to participate in a Palestinian society in which there is equality of all peoples regardless of race, ethnicity, economic status, or religion, then it is possible to become Palestinian.

Israelis are all, to a certain extent, culpable in colonization. There are antiZionist Israelis, but nevertheless, it doesn't change the fact that they are settled on land that was acquired violently. Of course, the same can be said for many USAmericans. To a certain extent, I am a settler in Turtle Island despite being a refugee. I willingly participate in a colony, whether I actually agree with it or not.

I think from hereon, to live in Decolonized Palestine as well as a Decolonized Turtle Island, we must make the reparations necessary to the communities who have suffered systematic violence at the hands of the colonial entity to truly live in a post-colonial world. You might be asking how I think that's going to be conducted — I am not sure. But what I do know is that living without borders — or in other words living without colonialist labels and all sorts hierarchies that arise — will require a reframing of the understanding of our world as well as how we interact with each other in it.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

In what ways would you change Yuu (or would you get rid of them entirely)? The writing feels inconsistent on their place/importance. If they were just a conduit for the player to watch the events unfold that's one thing but in another story they are an active player.

I'd personally play into the beastamer aspect more. They are supposedly the reason why Ace, Deuce, and Grim were able to work together thus I'd want them to have more agency in making plans, giving orders, etc. Rook calls them Trickster but in what way (lol). The vagueness of being a self insert pains me. I'd also want to give them some magically infused weapon (or has a magestone embedded) just so they aren't fodder or sideline material.

Mmm… As much as I dislike the blank slate self-insertiness of Yuu (I’d prefer to read about an actually realized character), I wouldn’t want to get rid of them altogether. I think they’re important for the role they serve in the narrative even if in execution is inconsistent and not done well.

The problem with “changing” Yuu is that there has to be a certain level of ambiguity due to the design of the game. You cannot give them too much personality or you risk alienating the audience that likes to project or self-insert. There’s also a limit to how much uniqueness a mobile game can lend its players characters; the format isn’t exactly known for having super in-depth player arcs, it’s known for their colorful casts of rollable characters. The devs have to toe that line carefully, not to mention juggle Yuu’s participation with letting the other characters shine. It is for this reason that I won’t be doing a total overhaul of Yuu or just deciding “give them a personality!” as what I’d change about them. Rather, I’ll be proposing alterations while thinking like a dev (ie preserving the current story and as much of the self-insertiness as I can while also trying to give Yuu more to do/say).

Now Yuu, being the outsider to this world, is perfectly poised to have others dump exposition on them. This serves the dual purpose of being able to diegetically explain things to the player. (We wouldn’t get this advantage if the player character was changed to be like… a Twisted Wonderland resident; you could explain some magic things to a layman, but a resident wouldn’t need more common knowledge like country names exposited to them. Were this the case, we’d need an additional excuse for Crowley to take in a native.) It’s also convenient to have them be the “eyes” for the player to experience the world through, since Yuu is able to conveniently be present for most major main story events. It essentially makes them a human-shaped video camera.

I’ve often heard people suggest that if we need a POV character, why not go with Grim since he basically serves the same purpose now anyway. My answer to that is: Grim is also an arrogant asshole who picks fights, just the same as any other NRC student. If Grim were the player character, he wouldn’t be contributing much or helping to guide the other students learn to get along. We need Yuu here to be that driving force for change because Grim simply isn’t capable of it when he’s instigating himself half of the time.

A smaller thing about Yuu that I love is the idea of them being the school photographer! (This is something that is shown in the second anniversary animated video too!) It gives us context for the cards we roll and it implies that Yuu is the one documenting these precious memories. I want Yuu to stay if only for this reason.

Personally, I wouldn’t make Yuu a combatant. This is antithetical to their role and I feel would instead work against them (or at least create a scenario where Yuu has to have some level of battle prowess; this impedes on the self-insert nature of them). Sticking a magic item in their hand makes little difference since they most likely wouldn’t know how to handle it in the moment. (Nor would a magicless human even be able to use some of them; for example, a magestone is completely useless to them.) A magicless human with no combat experience is just another liability to account for, not to mention it actively puts them in harm’s way. It might be cool in theory, but I think in practice it goes against the very concept of Yuu. They’re meant to be here to show that there is “another way” to the NRC students—that violence doesn’t solve all your problems, proof that you don’t need to be a powerful being to “change” others or the world around them. They’re supposed to be underestimated and not seen as much of a “real” fighter, and they’re supposed to prove those notions wrong by demonstrating their worth via other avenues. In this “the weak obey the strong” school, Yuu has to be the one to show them that strength comes in forms that are NOT magic power or battle prowess.

I feel that Yuu works best on the sidelines as a supporter and strategist. Strategy is, after all, half of the battle, and it’s a part that people tend to overlook in favor of the flashier fighters. But strategy is crucial and it can turn the tide against a formidable foe (as we see in the prologue)!! I think this is something the NRC students need to be made more aware of too, so Yuu should stay as the strategist; they just have to be given more opportunities to show off those skills!

With all of that being said, here is what I would change about Yuu:

Drop the beast tamer thing. It gets mentioned prominently like once in the prologue and then never becomes truly relevant. Maybe it’ll become important when it comes to taking down OB Grim, but that will be SO late in the main story that the payoff doesn’t seem worth it. There are no examples of Yuu’s beast taming skills ever being used in the main story, so the whole “oh you have the makings of a beast tamer” thing is so useless. If you really want to keep it, then let Yuu’s innate talent/skills for beast taming help them out at least once per main story book. This means I’d want to see instances of Yuu getting other creatures (ie not just Grim) to help them out.

Allow Yuu the agency to act on their own when it comes to finding a way back to their own world. Going home is so often relegated to a single line or a few sentences and then not addressed again until next book. Have Yuu take initiative instead of waiting around for updates from Crowley. They should go out and ask questions, investigate on their own, etc. Maybe have them get involved in each book’s conflict because they happen to get mixed up in it while conducting research instead of being TOLD to go and fix a problem. Book 6 marks the only real time I can think of Yuu making a drastic decision against Crowley’s advice. It puts them at great risk, and that’s something they’re willing to take for the sake of saving their friends. We need more moments like this throughout the rest of the story. However, Yuu won’t be allowed to do whatever they want unrestricted because 1) it falls out of the scope of a mobile game title and 2) we want to largely retain the capacity to self-insert. So when I say give Yuu more agency to act, I mean it ONLY in the sense of being more proactive in their efforts to get home.

Add a short comment or two from other characters depending on which dialogue options are picked for Yuu. It would be too ambitious to incorporate a full-on branching storyline or strong “choose your own adventure” elements, but at least have the other characters consistently comment on whatever brief dialogue option Yuu has rather than ignoring them 90% of the time. This wouldn’t alter the story in any way but it sure would be nice to have a little more flavor text and more of Yuu actually being acknowledged as present.

Yuu should fully commit to being a planner and strategist. We get to see this aspect of Yuu like once or twice in the prologue (when they tell Grim where to spit fire at the ghosts/planning how to beat the Phantom in the mines) and then are left to extrapolate this to the rest of the game. Maybe you can argue they figured out Azul’s scheme in book 3 too, but this isn’t good enough. If you’re going to set up the idea, then have consistent segments in each book that reinforces that idea. Have Yuu brainstorm ways to jailbreak in book 4, have Yuu be perceptive enough to notice that Malleus isn’t feeling great in book 7 (only for Malleus to brush them off/insist he has a solution), etc.

Have a short story segment that explains how or why Yuu earns their nickname “Trickster” from Rook. We got this with Floyd, so the other known nicknamer should reveal this, especially since the name “Trickster” implies intelligence and cunning. Yuu should have an opportunity to demonstrate this (in book 5 maybe?), which earns them Rook’s respect and the new title. This should also be informed by other parts where Yuu shows how smart they can be.

More time bonding with Grim. I say Grim specifically because I commonly see him as a hated character in part because of how he “steals lines/time” away from Yuu. (Adeuce and Malleus are fine as they are because the former already stick up for/help Yuu out and the latter is meant to stay mysterious until late in the main story.) This means that if you don’t already like Grim, the whole “Yuu chases them to Styx HQ to save Grim” plot point in book 6 rings hollow. To truly build a bond with Grim, please give us moments prior to book 6 that show how much they care for one another and are linked to each other as partners. Times when Grim causes inconveniences for Yuu don’t count. Give me instances of them cuddling at night or talking to each other about their hopes and dreams or whatever. This would establish the value that Grim sees in Yuu, as well as the value that Yuu sees in Grim. It makes it more believable that Grim would cry when he’s alone or realizes he hurt his partner, and that Yuu would defy the headmaster’s advice and put themselves at risk to save Grim.

Better incorporate the ghost camera and its usage in the main story. The ghost camera provides an in-universe explanation for gaming meta (ie the card illustrations); in the main story, it’s hardly ever mentioned save for its introduction in the prologue and when Yuu takes a picture of Mickey with it. What should happen instead is Yuu will take a picture of the characters involved in that chapter. This way, it’s a physical reminder of the time everyone spent together and the bonds they’ve developed. It further strengthens the idea of the students learning to get along and Yuu being there to facilitate that while also keeping the ghost camera relevant.

More time where Yuu actually bonds with/“changes” the other characters. One huge gripe I have with the main story is that we’re TOLD that Yuu’s presence changes and improves the boys for the better, that they teach them how to get along. Very little of the actual main story supports this (outside of the prologue). At best, Yuu has a very short chat with some of the OB boys at the end of their respective book. Yuu should have a little more time in this regard. I don’t know, maybe Idia is still struggling to socialize when he comes over to play video games at Ramshackle so Yuu has to gently encourage him to give it a try or says something to help include him in the conversation. Little things like that! Keep the strong interactions the other characters have in changing the OB boys (like Trey being the one to rush to Riddle’s side, the twins teasing Azul, etc.), but have Yuu help facilitate them opening up emotionally and being vulnerable with one another.

This last point is debatable (I keep changing my mind about it), but possibly make a point of showing how Yuu is adjusting to this new world. This honestly might mess with the self-insert aspect (which is why I debated to leave this out), but I also feel like it might be interesting to reinforce Yuu’s desire to go home h demonstrating homesickness or issues with settling into Twisted Wonderland.

To summarize, the changes I’d make largely involve making TWST commit to briefly mentioned details (that they largely don’t follow through on) and making Yuu actually do a little more to warrant crediting them with resolving issues + fostering friendships. A lot of the problems that exist now are due to promising a lot but then poorly executing on what was promised.