#witcher auckes

[thewolvesandtheirbard]

Can we talk about something though?

Vesemir had to raise his pups alone, yes, but at least he had Kaer Morhen built up around them, blocking the wind and the rain, keeping them mostly safe.

Guxart had no castle for his kittens but he has the caravan, and all the other cats to help wrangle the little ones.

What about Letho though? He brought up his boys without anyone else’s help and without anywhere for them to call home. It was quite literally, the three of them against the world.

All the Witcher Dads are tough but Letho is on another level.

[kittynannygaming]

[Crossover] Children of Prophecies

During Saovine, at Kaer Morhen, a weird portal open in the middle of the Great Hall and everyone see a red-head woman begging for her son's life. Her ghost appeared and ask the White Wolf to protect her only child. She explained the Magical World, the prophecy etc… And ask for a specific couple to be Harry's new parents.

When Harry is six, a new portal appears. A young lady, no more than 16, with black hair and grey eyes appears. She explained that she falled in love with much older prince (Pavetta is visiting, so her story remind her of her own). Her brother took her son to her home but told everyone, including his new wife, that he's his bastard. She explained the prophecy of the Prince Who Was Promised, etc… And she got her eyes on a couple for her 6 years old son.

Finally, when they're nine, Harry and Jon got a new cousin. The couple that appeared have chosen Lambert & Milena for their son. He's alone, know nothing of his family and bullied (that the nicest word for it) by the village. Now, Lambert and Milena are the proud parents of Uzumaki Naruto. Vesemir doesn't know if he wanted to laugh at Lambert for having a son as stubborn as him or to cry because KM is not going to survive both of them!

Based on @inexplicifics Accidental Warlord Series

Uzumaki Naruto, Milena, Lambert

Ealdred: Dev Patel

Auckes: Kelly Slater

Zofia: Jessica Andrade

[meepthemeeping]

Viper Witchers (ALL OF THEM)

Cat Witchers!!! (ALL OF THEM)

[inexplicifics]

Since you're on an answering kick, I've been wondering what the early days of Zofia and Auckes' relationship (both as friends and lovers) was like. How did they go from total strangers to allies to training and meal partners to Zofia's "I'm horny, he seems the best option" and Auckes' startled "gods PLEASE yes" to a longer term attachment? I realize that could be an entire long fic on its own, if you ever truly fleshed it out. Like. What was it about each other that drew them together?

You know, I think I'm going to pull Sergeant Hanif in here, not in person but as someone Auckes remembers. Most Vipers, I suspect, haven't had a lot of amiable interactions with humans, but Auckes has met someone who was willing to talk to him and even expressed concern over his injuries, and that someone was military, so there are some similarities with Zofia.

I think they start as sparring partners; a lot of Witchers are going to be wary of fighting a human, because of the risk of hurting her, but Auckes will take the chance, and then it turns out she's good and also slowing himself down to human speed is a useful drill. And so they end up chatting, and then Zofia ends up at the Viper table, and she's blunt and has a filthy sense of humor and isn't fazed by Viper ruthlessness.

In short, she's marvelous and Auckes doesn't quite know what this strange warmth in his chest every time she chooses to sit next to him at supper is, but he's definitely figured out that she's fucking beautiful with a sword in her hand and he would very much like to get to know her better in a carnal sense. However, Witchers aren't exactly taught courting, especially not Vipers, and she's not a prostitute, which means he hasn't got a script for approaching her.

So when she approaches him, well, "Gods please yes" is about as coherent as he's gonna be.

On Zofia's side, Auckes respects her skills and doesn't assume she's going to spread her legs for him just because she's female, and the Vipers are the sort of crude she understands, and it turns out they can swap stories pretty easily, and he's smart and doesn't assume she isn't.

You know, it occurs to me that he probably teaches her to read. He's very literate, as all Witchers are, but she's a peasant mercenary; she probably can't read a damn thing when she first comes to Kaer Morhen. And he doesn't think of teaching her as being something remarkable; he's pleased that she's willing to spend time with him and learn a bit about bookbinding, which is a pleasant hobby for long winters. And why shouldn't she learn to read? It's a useful skill! It will make it easier for her to study the bestiaries, which is important if she's really going to go out on patrol with Witchers!

So Zofia thinks of Auckes as not only safe but kind, in a strange awkward rough-edged way. Also handsome enough, if you like 'em brawny and scarred, which she does. And things progress from there.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

Plan to hug all the witchers in the Accidental Warlord AU

(Once again, I am shamelessly stealing @inexplicifics's universe for a joyride)

The Cats are easy. Just plop down at their table at lunchtime and go "so is it true that Wolves are more snuggly than Cats? It's not? Show me!" Congratulations, you now have 50+ ultra competitive Cats attempting to cuddle you, I hope you didn't like breathing.

Wolves and Griffins would probably both accept "can I hug you/can I have a hug?" ESPECIALLY if you add "I'm having a bad day." Nothing like protective instincts.

(Eskel and Gweld are natural huggers. Give them several minutes to let go.)

The Manticores and Cranes would probably also give hugs if asked, especially if you spent some time getting to know them first.

...actually, Cranes would probably LOVE to participate in a hugging experiment to compare what makes the best hug, who gives the best hug, etc. And help you track who you've hugged.

(If you get in a pinch with the Manticores, just ask Sasha to introduce you as "this is my friend, he/she like hugs." Hell, even being upfront about "I'm trying to hug everyone in Kaer Morhen!" would probably make them laugh and agree.)

Bears are not natural huggers, but I think if you got to know them - spent some time crafting quietly with them, complimented what they're making, etc - they might be more open to it. Short, casual hugs would probably be best. Like "hi! *quick hug* How's your project going?" And then just sit with them.

Vipers are tricky. They're suspicious, they're not naturally affectionate, they get very stabby when startled or threatened. Julita can help (I definitely think she'd find the idea of hugging every witcher both fun and worthwhile), partly because the Vipers already know her, and partly because Letho comes down like a ton of bricks on anyone who hurts her. So befriending her could get you a few hugs (especially Letho, Auckes, and Serrit), being honest about "I'm trying to hug everyone, and here's why" might get you a few more.

Some of them may not want hugged or touched at all, and that's okay. You can do other things that would do the symbolic function of a hug - something to show that you care about them and want them to be happy. I suggest making them some kind of food, since witchers love good food - hell, get Julita's help to bake something.

Ivar would be hard to hug. Julita could hug him - I wouldn't be surprised if he sees her as something of a granddaughter or grand-niece - and Ciri and Jaskier could also probably hug him, but strange humans? Suspicious.

(Which is sad, because I think he could really use a hug.)

Probably the best thing would just be to give it time, and show that you aren't waiting to trick everyone.

Also, if you get in a competition with Jaskier to see who can hug everyone FIRST, just accept that you're going to lose. He's the man that fought - AND DEFEATED - a continent of prejudice for the witchers. Hugging him is the very LEAST of what they'd do for that man.

(I am now picturing him standing on a table and yelling "I need a hug from everyone! One at a time, please form an orderly queue!" And all the witchers just laughing and going along with it. Or possibly scooping him up and passing him witcher-to-witcher along each of the long tables. He is both laughing and VERY rumpled by the time he gets back to Geralt and Eskel, who smoosh him between them.)

[wanderingwolfwitcher]

DOSSIER

LEGAL NAME | Esau Kelly Kaminski MOST KNOWN AS | Eskel NICKNAMES | Witcher, Woodsman, Grandmaster DATE OF BIRTH | Early 1170's SEX | Male GENDER | Masculine RACE | Human (Mutant) CURRENTLY LIVING | The Path, Kaer Morhen, Blue Mountains, Skellige, Saskia's Free State, Toussaint OCCUPATION | Wolf School Grandmaster Witcher: Superhuman professional wandering monster, beast, demon and undead hunter and slayer, occult detective, exorcist, curse breaker, ranger, fighter, alchemist, guildsman SPOKEN LANGUAGES | Common Speech (Fluent), Skellige jargon (Fluent) Elven (Limited), Dwarvish (Limited) EDUCATION | The Witcher School of the Wolf (Kaer Morhen) PROFICIENCY | Weapons : All. Swordsmanship, fistfighting, alchemy, bomb crafting, trap making, survivalism, tracking, hunting, archery, marksmanship, horse riding, stealth, lockpicking, cunning, subterfuge, arcane/occult knowledge, basic magic HAIR COLOR | Brown EYE COLOR | Black serpentine pupils, glowing yellow irises, white sclera (Formerly Blue Eyes) SCARS | Numerous and varied all over body, including blade scars to his face and a blade stab scar on his gut from his Child of Surprise, deep claw scars along forearms and back, Bruxa, Succubus and Water Hag bites around neck and collar, and more HEIGHT | 6'2"- 6'4" range RELATIONSHIPS | Vesemir (Former Mentor/Teacher), Geralt (Best Friend/Brother Witcher), Lambert (Friend/Fellow Witcher), Princess Deidre Ademeyn (Former Child of Surprise), Sabrina Glevissig (Former Savior, Enemy and Lover), Triss Merigold (Close Friend/Trusted Ally), Yennefer of Vengerberg (Reluctant Ally), Coën (Former Griffin School Witcher Friend), Ciri (Ally), Leo (Former Trainee/Student) Scorpion (Horse of Surprise), Lil' Bleater (Pet Goat), Beowulf (Former Pet Skelligan Warg Wolf) SEXUAL ORIENTATION | Heterosexual RELATIONSHIP STATUS | Single

LEGAL NAME | Unknown MOST KNOWN AS | Letho of Gulet NICKNAMES | Witcher, The Kingslayer, Assassin of Kings DATE OF BIRTH | Unknown: At least decades before the 1230's SEX | Male GENDER | Masculine RACE | Human (Mutant) CURRENTLY LIVING | The Path, Zerrikania, Tir Tochair Mountains OCCUPATION | Viper School Witcher: Superhuman professional wandering monster, beast, demon and undead hunter and slayer, assassin for hire, occult detective, exorcist, curse breaker, ranger, fighter, alchemist, guildsman SPOKEN LANGUAGES | Common Speech (Fluent), Nilfgaardian (Fluent), Elven (Fluent) Dwarvish (Fluent) Gnomish (Fluent), Halfling (Fluent) EDUCATION | The Witcher School of the Viper (Gorthur Gvaede) PROFICIENCY | Weapons : All. Swordsmanship, fistfighting, alchemy, bomb crafting, trap making, survivalism, tracking, hunting, archery, marksmanship, horse riding, stealth, lockpicking, cunning, subterfuge, political savvy, conspiracies, spying, assassinations, arcane/occult knowledge, basic magic (Quen Sign especially) HAIR COLOR | Brown (Shaven) EYE COLOR | Black serpentine pupils, glowing yellow irises, white sclera (Formerly Steely Grey Eyes) SCARS | Numerous and varied all over body, including most prominently his head where a Nilfgaardian soldier tried to scalp him with a two-pronged guisarme during the Siege/Fall of Gorthur Gvaede HEIGHT | 6'8"+ range RELATIONSHIPS | Serrit and Auckes (Former Fellow Viper School Witcher Friends), Geralt of Rivia (Friend/Ally), Yennefer of Vengerberg (Former Protectorate), Vernon Roche (Enemy), Iorweth (Former Ally and Pawn), Sheala de Tancarville (Former Lover, Pawn and Enemy), Emperor Emhyr var Emreis (Former Client and Enemy) SEXUAL ORIENTATION | Heterosexual RELATIONSHIP STATUS | Single

Tagging @gcldenlioness , @starwrittenfates (Any Muse), @fallesto (Any Muse), @swordluck , @frombehindpaleeyes , @torntruth (Any Muse) and anyone else who wants to do it.

[stupendouspizzacomputer]

INSANITY (Hellaverse x isekai male reader) The Witcher's Order:

•Master Witcher (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Letho (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Lambert (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Vesemir (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Eskel (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Reinald (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Coën (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Adela (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Adon of Carreras (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Aiden (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Alger (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Amerin of Attre (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Arnaghad (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Aubry (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Auckes (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Axel (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Berengar (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Brehen (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Chireadan (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Clovis (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Cormac (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Deglan (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Dermot Marranga (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Dragonfly (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Ealdred (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Elgar (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Erland of Lavrik (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Falwick (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Frank (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Gaetan (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Gardis (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Garascaden (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•George of Kagen (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Gerd (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Gezras of Leyda (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Guxart (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Gweld (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Gwen (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Hemminks (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Ivar Evil-Eye (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Ivo of Belhaven (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Iwan (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Jad Karadin (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Jerome Moreau (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Joël (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Junod of Belhaven (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Keldar (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Kiyan (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Klef (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Kolgrim (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Kristov of White Orchard (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Lexandre (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Luka (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Madoc (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Merten (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Mysterious Assassin (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Olach of Ban Gléan (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Old Witcher (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Olivier of Gulet (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Osbert (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Osmund (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Pardus of Korath (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Rat-Catcher (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Raven (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Remus (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Rennes (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Rhys (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Schrödinger (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Seamus (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Serrit (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Sorel (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Sorensen (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Stefan the Crane (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Sven (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Thornwald (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Tjold (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Treyse (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Varin (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Vesemir (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Voltehre (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

•Warritt (The Witcher) (Angel/Angels)

[tumbleweedtech]

First Lines

well Alright. I was tagged by @jayofolympus-writes, so here we go.

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able to and see if there are any patterns!

Consequences of your Hatred Witcher3 - Iorveth x Roche, Rated E Roche stood on the battlement, looking out upon the blue mountains.

you gotta let the whole song play out Witcher 3 - Aiden x Lambert, Rated T Aidan's worst scar, the most prominent one that ached in the cold.

a whole lot of trouble in a itty-bitty shirt Witcher 3- Auckes x Ciri x Serrit, Rated E The room was hot, muggy with the sweat and salt of fucking.

Birds of a Feather Witcher TTRPG - Erland & Keldar, Rated G The knock was a soft beat that made Keldar smile even with the minor interruption.

when the lion caught the mockingbird Witcher TTRPG/W3 -Gezras & Lambert, Rated G The night was loud.

from the rubble, what remains Critical Role - Yeza Brenatto, Rated T 98 platinum were currently buried in the cellar below the carrots.

Mulberry Critical Role - Ashton x Orym, Rated E The fight had been ugly, too close for comfort and yet not difficult enough to quell the jangling nerves from unfulfilled aggression that left Ashton unsettled.

And There's No Moving On Thronebreaker (a sad attempt at a song fic, idk)- Gascon x Reynard, Rated G It was clear Gascon had not expected to see her.

Ruidus is Flaring Critical Role Filk (songs don't really have sentences, so you can have the first stanza.) Nightmare King, Sit and Spin, Eshteross bakin’ again, Sky Wardens, Syndicate, Corsair’s killin’ it Skyships, Shadecreepers, Conspiracy’s gettin’ deeper Jiana Hexum, Fownsee Hollow, Anni and Milo

Forfeiture  Critical Role (EXU:C) - Laerryn x Loquatius, Rated T Everything in the Feywild has a price.

Apparently the pattern is: Short. Let's see.... who didn't you tag, Jay. Tagging @winter-fir, @anonymousblueberry, @thirstyforred, @skaldingrayne, and... hm. hey, @widogaspmauk, want to play a tag game? I need more CR up in here. lol

[ao3feed--ukr]

Пані Вдача

Читати на АО3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/55832392

Автор/ка crevanbarbara

Фанхати: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Gwent: The Witcher Card Game (Video Game)

Відносини: Egan | Auckes/Serrit (The Witcher)

Опис:

Те, що побачив Ґеральт у Блакитному сні Ганмарвіна

Кількість слів: 1,019, Частини: 1/1

Рейтинг: Teen And Up Audiences

Попередження: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Категорії: M/M

Персонажі: Egan | Auckes (The Witcher), Serrit (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Detmold | Dethmold (The Witcher)

Додаткові теги: Twincest, Incest, Missing Scene, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death

Читати на АО3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/55832392

[ao3feed-witcher-podfic]

by JoanieTeal

Morvran Voorhis, first-ranked prince of Nilfgaard, has been sent to Kaer Morhen on a diplomatic mission. His tasks are twofold: first, negotiate a nonaggression treaty between the wild barbarian Warlord of the North and the Nilfgaardian Empire. And second, ingratiate himself with the mysterious Warlord’s daughter and heir apparent, Princess Cirilla.

Sir Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach, a Vicovaran knight, has been assigned to protect young Prince Voorhis on this mission. Prince Voorhis may be the best of a bad lot, but Cahir’s still not looking forward to the threats or the temperature of a winter in the distant North.

They both know their mission is a dangerous one. But they don’t know where the true danger lies…and while they know how to navigate Nilfgaard’s treacherous court, they are not prepared for Kaer Morhen. This is a mission they might not survive…and if they do, they might be changed beyond all recognition.

Words: 9, Chapters: 1/15, Language: English

Series: Part 3 of The Accidental Warlord and His Pack [Podfic], in no particular order

Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Eskel (The Witcher), Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Morvran Voorhis, Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach, Letho z Gulety | Letho of Gulet, Ivar Evil-Eye (The Witcher), Barmin (The Witcher), Egan | Auckes (The Witcher), Treyse (The Witcher), Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Milena de Roggeven (Accidental Warlord Series - inexplicifics), Emhyr var Emreis, Peter Evertsen, Original Witcher Character(s), Original Characters

Relationships: Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Morvran Voorhis, Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach & Morvran Voorhis, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Morvran Voorhis

Additional Tags: Politics, Betrayal, Negotiations, Ethics, Growing Up, Canon-Typical Violence, Diplomacy, POV Multiple, Sexual Content, discussion of slavery, Nilfgaard (The Witcher), Coming Out

Listen on AO3

[thewolvesandtheirbard]

Vipers Get Cold Easily

I know I’ve said this before but the Viper School witchers can’t regulate their own body heat as well as the others, so when it’s cold outside, it’s really really cold for them.

Now, hear me out. Letho carrying his little charges around everywhere he goes on the path and he has special extra thick blankets to roll each of them up in at night when they make camp. He probably has a special blanket himself as well, but he’s super particular about how Auckes and Serrit are tucked in at night because he doesn’t want them getting too cold.

Sometimes when they haven’t found a place to Winter and it’s snowing, he bundles his boys up in their blankets and either carries them both or straps them to his back to trudge up the path.

The constant fight against the cold was one of the many reasons he decided to deal with Nilfgaard in order to bring back the Viper School’s old Keep. He wanted to keep his snakelets safe and warm.

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Pairing: 🧦 AU: Everyone Lives pls?

Geralt presses a brimmed goblet of wine into Letho's hand, and follows his eyes into the fields where two young witchers, younger even than Lambert, are snoozing.

Letho's always been a man of few words, difficult to predict and read, and that hasn't changed since his arrival at Corvo Bianco, so Geralt asks in some vain hope that any lingering doubts might come to the fore, "Any regrets?"

Letho tilts his head as the two snoozing vipers begin to wrestle gleefully in the sun, and answers before he takes a sip, "Not one."

Three Sentence Fic Game

[extra-standard-deviation]

AND NOW PRESENTING SERRIT!!

The Kingslayer family is now complete. I chipped a tooth sewing these costumes, I’ll have you know. And the yarn on Serrit’s headband is wool I actually spun myself.

[she-s-a-sorceress]

My 15-minute drawing of Egan (Auckes)

[inexplicifics]

I saw the ask about Zofia and Auckes, which made me think that Anna would've been so happy for her sister - BUT that made me wonder: In an AWAU where Anna lived, would Zofia still have gone to Kaer Morhen?

Interesting question! I think the answer is probably no, or at least not at the same time. If Anna had lived, Zofia probably would have remained a mercenary until she was too old or injured to continue in that line of work, and then come to live with her sister as an extra pair of hands / childcare provider / general handyperson.

The only way I can see her getting to Kaer Morhen in that timeline involves her mercenaries teaming up with Witchers for some reason.

Of course, the fact that Anna's death helped create the circumstances that led to Geralt becoming Warlord in the first place does make the whole thing more complicated.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

Okay, but what if they have a little cafeteria and a playground in the nursery area? With a jungle gym (indoor, of course, because BLIZZARDS) and slides and ABSOLUTELY NO PIT TRAPS THESE ARE NOT TRAINEES but yes some small tunnels would be lovely. How about rope ladders?

The cats (animal and Witcher) are frequent visitors. Chasing them around the playground becomes a favorite pasttime for most of the children and an EXCELLENT way to get everyone's energy out.

I'm imagining something like this, my favorite playground from when I was growing up. You could circle the whole thing without touching the ground at all, there were tunnels and crawlspaces and towers and chain-and-plank bridges and swaying platforms and balance beams and a tire swing and it was THE BEST.

Sneaking in to redesign it becomes a side hobby for some of the Cranes and Bears. Stuck on your latest invention? Broke your last carving project? Go add another turret (or catapult) to the playground, the kids will thank you AND you can watch them pelt things at the Cats.

One thing none of them anticipated: Luisa picked up a bunch of Cat climbing tricks and regularly uses them to chase down children who don't want play time to end. Or who have lost their toy in some (supposedly) inaccessible spot. She's much smaller than many of the Witchers, so she fits in many of the playground's small spaces easier than they do.

Oh gods, can you imagine a children vs Witcher game of tag? Or like, Letho and Auckes offer to round the kids up and get them off the playground, and Luisa looks up at them, then over at the tiny crawlspaces brimming with grinning children and goes "sure. Have fun." And she and Zofia stand there and watch them try to fit their giant shoulders into these tiny little cubbies under the towers that zig and zag in every direction before letting out into some stairs that lead to narrow, fenced-in bloody walkways and MORE FUCKING TINY ASS TUNNELS and a gods-be-damned SLIDE and what madman designed this deathtrap anyway, oh wait, it was those stupid CRANES...

Luisa's not worried about how long it takes. Nap time is next, better to get all their energy out now than have them still wiggly later.

Can't remember if I've made this post before, but eh, why not repeat.

The Accidental Warlord AU needs a daycare/nursery at Kaer Morhen, SPECIFICALLY so that Geralt can go play with all the babies, toddlers, small children, etc and hide from his responsibilities.

Just IMAGINE how adorable he'd be, buried in little tykes, play-wrestling with them, or reading to them, or cuddling them to sleep.

Their parents come to pick them up, and are immediately like "....uh, I need to have FIVE DOZEN MORE CHILDREN NOW, just so I can hang them off the horribly terrifying Warlord of the North, who can be completely disarmed with exactly ONE (1) small child."

After about the fifth time that various members of the council have to pry Geralt away from the nursery, the children start hiding him.

Well. Attempting to hide him.

Please imagine:

Eskel has been sent to fetch both Geralt and Jaskier, who had previously been sent to fetch the runaway lord. He walks in to find

- 1 suspiciously Warlord sized lump, covered in a truly hideous afghan (it was an early project of Ciri's, Geralt adores it but made the mistake of taking it to the nursery ONCE and has never been able to able to reclaim it since)

- 3 gleefully giggling children sitting atop said suspiciously-sized blanket-covered lump

- one missing Consort instructing said children - and several stuffed animals - on proper tea party etiquette (he may or may not be playing his lute - I bet one of his spares has made its way down there after how many times Geralt has hidden among the children)

- one Consort's bodyguard (Aubry) with two toddlers in his lap and three more cuddled close, all listening to a story about birds (illustrated by Aleksander, obviously)

And if you think that Eskel escapes the tea party ding dong you're wrong