#without committing felonies

[thetourguidebarbie]

Most important lesson of 2023 is that if you are dating someone with the assumption that they will have a complete personality transplant if you can just make a good enough powerpoint presentation for it then you don't actually like them you like an imaginary person who also owns a $1.3 million house their mommy bought them and (probably???) wouldn't let a baby die

[krysmcscience]

So, uh...it turns out that over $2500 worth of solar power stations was stolen from the inside of my locked cargo trailer, which was supposed to be a makeshift camper for me to live in if my general situation went too far south. The thief just switched out the locks so I wouldn't notice anything amiss whenever I passed by. And...I cannot afford to replace those stations, by any stretch of the imagination.

Which means that, once again, my commissions are open. If the prices are a bit too painful for your wallet, just sharing the word would do wonders to help me out. I also offer Timed Drawings, where I spend two minutes drawing for every dollar spent - and I can do more with that time than you might expect, so you can get a nice quick sketch for just a dollar!

I will not ask for donations, meanwhile, but if you're willing and able to spare a little change, I would be ever so grateful to you!

✨Thanks in advance!✨

Meanwhile, to everyone who steals from poor people, enjoy these two whole middle fingers and shared custody of my reliably shitty luck! :D

[coldwind-shiningstars]

I simply do not think it's a good idea to reblog posts about how to commit crimes. I know we joke about how nobody goes on tumblr and normies don't know it exists, and people are scared, but it seems really obviously a bad idea to reblog posts giving information on how to commit crimes

[brainwavejrsoldermankink]

Lol why is it that whenever someone is ruining a character it is always Geoff Johns at the scene of the crime?

[nov2mbr]

hope you all remember that while there's no dean without sam, there is a sam without dean...but he will always get worse.

[wereh0gz]

Hiiii jsyk aros and aces are inherently queer doesn't matter if they're also straight and/or cis and if you disagree then death by one million explosions

[actual-gremlin]

If you stop in the middle of a busy hallway, then genuinely- and I mean this from the bottom of my heart- get absolutely steamrolled. Get so ridiculously run over. That’ll teach you to not stop in the middle of the busiest hallway. Get fucked, asshole.

[ohbitchuary]

If god loved me he'd make car theft like the wheel game in stardew valley.

[pastelllic]

My two truths and a lie on dating apps/sites is : i have a tooth in a jar, i have two middle names, and a lie about the number of tattoos I have.

I often wonder why I'm single in such a conservative area. Need to find the queers and freaks and weirdos

[b0mblover]

in my room, straight up sobbing, and by sobbibg…well..lets just say…. my art

[goyardgoyangi]

eating wingstop in street racer! sukuna’s car

You’re halfway through your second tender when it hits you — he hasn’t said a word about the crumbs.

The scent of hot honey and voodoo fries fills his GTR, thick and sweet, the kind of smell that would make any car guy lose his mind. But Sukuna just leans back in the driver’s seat like he’s been waiting for this all day.

Maybe he has.

Which is weird, because just last week, you watched him nearly commit a felony when some guy got too close to the rear spoiler. The poor dude barely breathed near it and Sukuna went off — meanwhile, you stood on the sidewalk sipping iced matcha, thoroughly entertained as Sukuna wiped down an invisible fingerprint like it was an insult.

But now he’s focused on the wing in his hand — mostly. His eyes keep flicking to you every few seconds, like he can’t decide what’s messier: the sauce on his fingers or the look on your face while you chew.

“Don’t get sauce on the leather,” he murmurs, almost out of obligation.

There’s no bite to it, though.

You glance at him through your lashes, catching the way his body’s angled toward you. Elbow on the center console. Guarded, maybe — but not from you.

“You let me eat in here,” you tease, waving a greasy fry at him. “This a trap?”

“No.” His voice is quieter now, eyes on the dashboard. “Just… you’re clean.”

You arch a brow. “Wow. Thanks. Romantic.”

He rolls his eyes — a little too hard. “You know what I mean.”

You kind of do.

He’s not cold. Not really. Just hard to read. Always elbows deep in engines, more tuned into the purr of an exhaust than the sound of his own name.

You reach into the paper bag, the grease turning translucent in spots, and offer him your last fry.

He hesitates.

Then he takes it with two fingers, careful not to touch yours, and tosses it into his mouth. He nods, approving.

“I don’t let just anyone in this car, you know.”

You raise an eyebrow, lips twitching. “Clearly. I’ve heard the horror stories.”

But here you are — box in your lap, fingers messy, dipping your tenders into the extra ranch he always orders without you having to ask. The car smells like fried food and leather, two things that should never mix, but somehow feel natural when it’s the two of you.

You glance over at him, chewing thoughtfully. “Well then, who would you let eat in here?”

He doesn’t respond right away. Just finishes off his wing, sucks the bone clean like it’s muscle memory, then tosses it into the bag with a lazy flick of his wrist. He wipes his fingers on a napkin already soaked with grease, then tosses that aside too.

When he finally speaks, his voice is quieter. Slower. Measured.

“I don’t let anyone else do a lot of things.”

You pause, fingers frozen over your food. The words hit heavier than they should. He says it like it means something — like it is something. But the moment hangs in the air for just a second too long, so you roll your eyes and reach for another tender.

“Could’ve just said I’m special,” you mutter, half-joking, careful not to drop any crumbs on his pristine interior.

Because even if he won’t say it, you already know. You’ve heard the stories — how Sukuna doesn’t even let people breathe near his car, much less eat in it. Water bottles? Off-limits. Shoes on the seat? Instant death. And yet here you are, mid-bite, elbows up, your takeout box resting comfortably in your lap like you’ve been doing this forever.

And maybe that’s the scariest part.

Because he lets you.

And he never lets anyone.

[rainbowgothdisaster]

usually when i get frustrated i say "im gunna burn the store down" or "im gunna commit felonies" but i dont think i can say that anymore, we have a lot of arsonists here and dollar general knows that personally

[clownboy-yeehonk]

.

[wilwheaton]

Nightcap: Could you give me your your cocktail-party-level introduction to “enshittification”? Cory Doctorow: I think of enshittification as a theory about what happens when you have power without consequence. We have increased the power available to large firms for a long time by reducing our antitrust enforcement, allowing mergers, predatory pricing, all the conduct that allows firms to get very big. That’s been across the board, not just with tech. Nightcap: What does that look like, in real life? Doctorow: There’s a law, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, that makes it illegal to break digital rights management. So for example, if Audible (which is owned by Amazon) sells you one of my audiobooks, they require that it have digital rights management that locks it to Audible’s platform forever — you can’t unlock it, quit Audible and take your books with you. And if I give you a tool to jailbreak the audiobook so you can go somewhere else, I commit a felony punishable by a five-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine. So even though I am the rights holder to that work, Amazon, the intermediary who sold you the work, has more intellectual-property rights to that work than I do. This is a law that is oriented around allowing these large firms to wield regulation against competitors, against their own workforce and against their users so that they can maintain power. It’s a collapse of discipline — they don’t have to worry about their workers, they don’t have to worry about regulators. And they bought all their competitors.

There’s a reason why it feels like the internet has gone bad

[luviestarz]

lee haechan fic recs! part 2 ❤︎

note! : used all the old fics i could find that i enjoyed

❤︎ Love at First Bite…literally!? - @huangberryyy (Wherein Haechan finally gets the chick flick moment he dreamt of. Or wherein Haechan finally understands the appeal of being bitten by bitches.)

❤︎ the bet - @tyonfs (you and lee donghyuck created a bet that stated you two would have sex if he made the winning shot. now, you’re pinned up against the lockers, about to do the one thing best friends don’t do, and you definitely shouldn’t be wanting more.)

❤︎ Babe Watch [M]  - @milfgyuu (You and Haechan both have big plans this summer. You’re going to earn yourself a spot on the infamous Baywatch team and Haechan’s deadset on getting the girl. It just so happens that both your plans intersect quite nicely.)

❤︎ [8:02pm] - @nctsworld (in which a spontaneous dance in the kitchen with donghyuck sparks a revelation about how you feel about him.)

❤︎ beware the panty perv ♡ ldh x reader - @guanana (there’s a mystery at hand! it seems like your panties have been vanishing into thin air whenever you need them most? angry that your favorite pairs of panties are going missing, you decide to put on your detective hat in hopes of finding the mysterious lingerie bandit. but between all of the guys that you sleep with— you can’t seem to pinpoint who the culprit could be. it couldn’t possibly be your absolute geek of a tutor for calculus, right? nah.)

❤︎ september 19. - @hyucks-archive

❤︎ SURE THING (L.DH) - @domjaehyun

❤︎ young gods (l.dh) - @606fm (in the midst of committing felonies in the dark, lee donghyuck—your literal partner in crime and ride or die for life—manages to snag your heart in the process without you even realizing it. i mean, what the hell did you expect from seoul city’s most notorious robber?)

❤︎ [7:43am] - @aesthyuckic

❤︎ haechan is obsessed with you. - @haechurch

❤︎ the right one. (m) - @starryhyuck (donghyuck doesn’t like you going on dates with anyone else, especially lee jeno. you’re supposed to be his. and only his.)

❤︎ meow haechan using a lot of tongue meow meow  - @ofjunemoment (or: you’re thinking of getting a tongue piercing, but you’re not sure how haechan feels)

❤︎ attention - @pinkynana (gamer boys are the easiest target for you. they barely interact with any other woman so the moment you find out haechan was a gamer boy, you promised to sit on his lap any time he wanted to.)

❤︎ free falling - @sunpopz (your friend haechan has been acting kinda weird lately.. does it have anything to do with you? maybe it does, considering he keeps looking at you like you're gonna kill him any second. well, that and he randomly liked a three month old picture of you.)

❤︎ haechan — just for you (m) - @hyuckmov (because haechan thought you were irresistible when you were clever, if only because he knew he was the only one who could make your brain go empty.)

❤︎ Started With A Kiss - @sundaysundaes (Rookie actor, Lee Haechan, desperately wants to get the lead role in the highly anticipated upcoming TV drama. He’s sure he has what it takes to fill the part. Acting as a hero? No problem. Pretending to overcome his traumatic experience? Consider it done. A bed scene? Easy—wait, no. That might be a problem. But he should be fine as long as he gets to rehearse, right?)

❤︎ if I lose my mind - @slightlymore (you’ve never cared much for your dreams. they were always confusing nonsense you forgot in the morning. this until you started to have the same dream again and again and again: a lobby, pleasant elevator music in the background, many golden doors, a handsome young man welcoming you and asking where you wanted to go that night. his name was haechan and apparently you weren’t supposed to know that, let alone fall in love with him.)

❤︎ this is the story of how we fell in love, apparently. - @navyhyuck (running a youtube channel with your best friend isn’t easy, not when he’s like a ticking time bomb that’s constantly bubbling up something new. what’s worse is that you’ve had a crush on him for the past three years.)

❤︎ face sitting - @haetkeeper

❤︎ pervert (M) - @haechannielove (you confront haechan on his disgusting and constant objectification of you.)

❤︎ Pearlescent - @d-nghy-ck (A shoreline sunset spent cozied up against Hyuck dives deep past surface level. His lips profess his heart’s intent; his eyes reflect waves dancing in iridescent glimmers; his love whispered into your skin evokes heated passion.) 

❤︎ i love it, starboy - @staargirlblog (slight yandere! idol! haechan x fangirl! reader)

❤︎ college boyfriend!haechan - @lvlyynim

❤︎ perv!haechan - @4everhyucks

❤︎ My Boy. - @prodbymaui (A series of failed relationships and you were this near of giving up on love. But then here comes little Donghyuck and his persistence. Maybe-- he was the one fated to you, after all.)

[suksatoru]

headcanons of dabi as your boyfriend! ⋆ ˚⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚⋆

pairing: dabi x you! content warning: he's better than your irl boyfriend!

dabi is always breaking into your house. doesn't matter if you give him a key, he'll give you a mini heart attack every time by showing up at midnight outside your balcony. he thinks it's romantic when he's waiting on the other side of the glass for you, drawing hearts on the window that's fogged up from the cold outside. claims he lost the key (he knows exactly where it is) just so he can scare you by popping up in your room at the most random times. you'll go to sleep at night alone and wake up the next morning to him snoring on the pillow beside you with his greedy hands around your waist

he has you wear a necklace with his initial on it. he thinks you look so pretty with that shiny & silver 'd' wrapped around your neck. the chain is thin and delicate so you can wear it everyday with ease. he loves watching you from afar when you're unsuspecting. you have no idea he's standing just a few feet away from you while you check out your groceries, but he's watching you happily. he's satisfied knowing you're wearing the necklace even when he isn't around—just like you promised you would.

he knows the best abandoned spots ever. he'll take you on dates to the rooftops of buildings all the time. you love the clear view of the sky and stars from being up so high, and he loves the way your hair blew and whipped around in the wind.

he has a secret playlist of songs that remind him of you. they're mainly filled with songs he'd snuck in from your playlist. he always says your music taste is trash and that you had no idea what real music was. but as you're driving (this man does not know how to drive a vehicle without committing a felony) he'll be tilting his phone away from you in the driver seat and adding the songs to his "my lady" playlist.

secretly a softie for cuddles. he'll always groan and grumble under his breath about how he's only cuddling you because he knows you like them, but inside he's so happy to just wrap his arms around you and spend quality time with you after a long day. he's fallen asleep many times like this. you'll be watching some old horror movie on the couch with him, running your fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp, and at some point you'll realize he stopped teasing you whenever a jumpscare came on—and then you'll realize he's drooling all over you and sleeping like a big baby.