#wizard sarcasm

[fannedandflawless]

Snape’s Morning Routine

6:00 AM – Wake up 6:01 AM – Glare at the ceiling 6:05 AM – Brew disdain 6:30 AM – Iron robes using sheer spite 7:00 AM – Mentally prepare to tolerate Gryffindors

[chessb0r3d]

i cracked the code.

[rincewizard]

conina and rincewind truly have THE most hilarious dynamic coming directly off of whatever the fuck rincewind and twoflower had going on. because you see, in Any given situation, rincewind is 100% completely and utterly convinced that He Is The Reasonable One With A Functioning Survival Instinct^tm, and that his adventure-prone companions are completely unhinged. and against twoflower, who genuinely does bumble headlong into danger with Zero understanding that it is, in fact, danger, rincewind could conceivably play a convincing straight-man. however conina may be unhinged however she is in fact a.) extremely competent and b.) 100% aware of exactly what she is doing, and therefore CONINA is EQUALLY convinced that She Is The Reasonable One With A Functioning Survival Instinct^tm, and she isn’t even wrong.

which means that they have known each other for five (5) minutes and spent approximately all of them pointing at each other and, with increasing incredulity, yelling HOW the FUCK are you still ALIVE.

10/10 character dynamic no notes whatsoever.

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

pup gang crime list:

threw a basketball at jakes head once because he is old

htrew a strawbebby on the ground and was kicking it. it wasnt alive

pup gang punishment:

the princess speaks very nastily to them. publically.

they are not allowed to show their faces around her

also they offered to give up their rights as candy citizens and go live with lemongrab and it was not fun. its not really a punishment but everyone around them was treating it as one and they offered to take it so long as pb paid their mothers. i want to mention it.

marshmallow kid crime list:

set themselves on fire regularly to run at their enemies and then leave their melty skin on the ground

swindle over 500 dollars every day

fight the other kids off their street corners

scrape food off the ground and bring it to the charity orphanage sale

marshmallow kid punishment

camping with finn

encouragement to go to school which they accept delightedly

[snarky-magpie]

There's not enough platonic Wolfstar in this fandom. They deserve to be friends. Everyone is so obsessed with shipping, but not every two close guy friends need to be in a romantic relationship. You don't understand their bond like I do.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 22 - First Dance

@wolfstarmicrofic January 22, word count 484

“Do you think we’ve got enough?” Remus asked sarcastically as Sirius put out the last few bottles of firewhisky and gillywater he’d charmed Madam Rosmerta into selling him onto the groaning table. 

“Hmm, I don’t know, I could always run back down to Hogsmeade,” Sirius hummed, Remus’s sarcasm going right over his head. Remus moved forward and clapped him hard on the back. 

“Sirius, I think it’s time to go get ready,” He said, trying to take Sirius’s mind off the alcohol. 

“Oh, shit, yeah,” Sirius took off, running towards the spiral staircase. Remus let out a long sigh as he went to start picking at the snack table. 

Ten sausage rolls and most of a bowl of crisps later, the party was beginning. Sirius had a vast collection of muggle records; he bought them to annoy his parents over the years and found, with Remus’s insistence that he listen to them, that he loved muggle music and had been adding to his collection ever since. So the Gryffindors were using those as well as Sirius’s record player. Remus grabbed himself a firewhisky and went to hang out by the window so he could smoke. 

Pretty quickly, the party livened up, and people pushed the sofas and chairs out of the way so that they could make a makeshift dance floor. Someone shot red sparks into the air, and as the flares slowly fell, the dancers looked even more magical under the strange light. Remus’s eyes glanced over them, not really taking much in apart from the bright colours of the girl's dresses until they stopped on Sirius. 

Sirius was in the middle of a group of girls all trying to dance with him, but he wasn’t interested in any of them. The song stopped, and Sirius’s eyes made contact with his. His usually silvery grey eyes had darkened to black under the red light, but to Remus he was still hauntingly beautiful. One side of Sirius’s mouth lifted in a crooked smile, and he crooked a finger at Remus.

Remus snorted and shook his head. No. Sirius pouted, wiggling his hips enticingly. Remus rolled his eyes and shook his head again. Sirius narrowed his eyes at him and moved towards him, his body keeping in time with the next song that had begun playing. He snagged Lily’s pashmina as he danced by. “Oi, Black?!” She shouted after him, but his attention was fully on Remus, so he didn’t hear her. 

“Come dance with me,” Sirius said once he’d stopped in front of Remus, still moving his body to the beat. 

“No,” Remus said, refusing again. Sirius whipped the pashmina around, and before Remus could react, it was around his waist, and Sirius was pulling him towards the other dancers. He felt awkward at first, but soon Sirius had him under his spell, and they were dancing together, and he never wanted to stop.

[backpackingspace]

Hi yes how did I not notice that ozpin looked for qrows approvals about prryah before asking her to be the fall maiden

[thistuesdaynight]

I've been having some discourse about Regulus Black as of late, and wanted to share.

Some people in fandom say that Regulus Black couldn’t have been a martyr. Or that his portrayal as someone who didn't believe in blood purity is inaccurate. Or that it makes more sense that he'd be a bigot.

Here's my thoughts:

It makes more sense only in the fact it's easier to read Regulus as a hardcore blood purist who never had doubts rather than to imagine other motivations, deeper feelings, diverging beliefs.

But any assumption we make of Regulus is still just an assumption based on hearsay.

Truly, you can CHOOSE to read Regulus as a martyr who didn't really believe any blood purity stuff.

It is a choice to imagine things that COULD have happened. He could have been pretending to believe blood purity, could have been the opposite of Sirius to protect himself from the ridicule of his parents, could have been afraid to speak up because he'd seen his cousin, his uncle, and his brother all disowned. (I like to imagine that Sirius was the one to "challenge his beliefs," or that Regulus was so observant and precocious that he reconsidered blood purity on his own)

But all of these things could have happened in the realm of canon. We don’t technically know hos true motives.

Its clear that Sirius didn't believe his brother was evil from the way he talked about him. Regulus could have hidden his true beliefs all along, even from Sirius. In a house like Grimmauld Place, it makes sense that he might do that.

I don't think it's a far leap to then assume that his parent's approval was the only reason he did any of it (becoming a death eater, voldemort propaganda on his wall). We have so few facts about Regulus from canon we can imagine a lot about his backstory. (In fact, I'm going to make a comparison to Snape here. The whole series we think Snape is a terrible person loyal to voldemort and trying to kill Harry. And we had A LOT more facts about Snape compared to Regulus. But it isn't until book 7 that we get the full, convoluted picture.)

It's easier to assume that Reg didn’t change his mind until the last minute, but we truly don't know when. Just that he did. We don't know how he truly felt about Sirius, but it isn't going against canon to imagine that Regulus was being a martyr to save his brother. Esp when he was canonically a martyr for Kreacher.

It's just fun to imagine a deeper, more convoluted storyline for Regulus. I think fandom would be incredibly boring to have only one interpretation of Regulus when we don't know enough to say that he DEFINITELY was a hard core blood purist.

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

Why do I keep obsessing over groups of four lame ass teenage boys in fiction? Like, what is that all about? I know for a FACT if I saw James Potter or Mike Wheeler walking up me in real life I would run away so motherfucken fast 😭💀

[lycoryspreachin]

guys i can't BELIEVE what i just fell upon, a 7,5k words fic i wrote when i was fifteen ( and never finished ), it was all from regulus's pov, and overall really not that bad ?? here's an extract :

We feel a longing for the tragic, and it's beyond us, truly. We can neither stop it nor satiate it. The broken, the traumatised, those who have seen everything at a time too early, the weird, the monstrous. Some are born with tragedy in their souls, a forgotten twin never meant to be born. Sirius Black, Sirius Orion Black, the blood traitor, the disgrace of the most ancient and noble house of Black. Older brother of the youngest son of Walburga and Orion Black, could his younger brother have been the unwanted tragedy? Where Sirius shined bright in the sky, true and bold, a sincere light emanating from deep within him, Regulus Arcturus Black was made a constellation, a complex alignment of stars, too close to be their own and yet too far to be one, a fragmented star, its edges sharp and hard, hardened by the hardships of life. Each star utterly alone in the void of the universe, all different and still you cannot see one and not look at the others.

Naturally, when one exists in the vicinity of a light as blinding as Sirius, one can only survive within the shadows. The forgotten child, one born from pain and hatred, surrounded by malice and viciousness, with thick black ink intoxicating his veins, mixing with his blood, poison infecting the core of his being, running through his already decaying body and soul. He was vowed to a life of suffering doomed from the very beginning. When you grow as a member of the noblest of houses, you quickly understand you get a very limited amount of choice. In a world in which one lives in the illusion of control, Regulus had to learn how to embrace it and set rules of his own. He can't escape his blood, but he can certainly hide from it. Their cruel and depraved claws could not shred what they could not see and Regulus was determined to make himself undetectable. It was a flawed plan, one in which you lose yourself the longer you follow it, but it was the best one Regulus could think of when way too young he realised it wasn't a family he was born into, but rather a nest of vipers. 

Growing up, loneliness was the only company the youngest son could afford, amidst loud voices and bitterness, a thick presence would be felt. Despair and agony would shape themselves into long dark figures of shadows and smoke. They were scary, their presence haunting. They would set an eerie atmosphere which seemed to sink under Regulus's skin, leaving behind slim scratches beneath his pale carcass. Loneliness was frightening, but nothing was more terrifying than his mother and the shadows only lingered when she was elsewhere. Solitude to him was a reminder, one engraved in his bones, every letter carefully carved, each time an inch deeper, hollowing his bones. A reminder of his tarnished soul. He knew he would beg if he could, drop both knees to the ground and cry in a desperate hope to be seen. But his mother hated tears and after a few hard-learned lessons Regulus understood that childish hopes and tears were activities of the night, to be practised behind closed bedroom doors and after stony good nights.

CHAPTER I

Most nights in the manor went on the same way, Regulus would be dismissed from his family duties and told to leave for his room, he would then calmly get up and exit the main hall while his older cousins and his brother remained seated. Sirius generally stayed around an hour longer, usually so he could be reminded of his heir obligations or to receive thorough criticism of his overall behaviour. During that time Regulus would cross the long and silent hallway leading to his chambers. He would choose a book to read and then get sheathed under the heavy covers of his bed. That night, however, anyone who paid close enough attention would have been able to notice the slightly hurried way Regulus behaved himself, his hands needing to be neatly crossed on his lap to hide the small trembling that would be observable otherwise. His day had been long and exhausting, filled with unpleasant tutoring and the excessive mannerisms required from a member of his house, but that was not the cause for his ever-growing excitement, in fact, he would normally be quite content with the situation, he was sitting at the table in the main dining room, his family surrounding him, everyone eating in a satisfying silence. In those rare moments, one could almost see a regular family, sharing a warm meal, all together, no one was arguing, no looks of hatred exchanged, just a normal afternoon meal. And at these thoughts, Regulus would let himself drown in the feeling of normality, of commonness and ordinariness, let himself believe that in those specific moments, they could all pretend they were capable of being a loving and caring family. However, the real reason for his eagerness was a simple one, a book and evidently, not a regular one, Regulus read those every day, instead, it was a gifted book, further still, an unlabeled one. All of Regulus’s books were labelled, each and every one given a designated title and had an identified author, they were all well known too, books his tutors had demanded he study or books his mother had given him as compulsory reads. The anonymity of this book had clearly picked his interest, never before had he been gifted a book in this manner, it was a book he was free to read or not, one he could write inside of, draw on its marges, not that he wished to butcher any of his belongings that way, but he enjoyed the freedom it allowed him, it was his. At least, that’s what Narcissa, his older cousin, had told him two days ago when she came to his chambers hours after he was dismissed to give it to him. 

Narcissa was his favourite cousin, and probably his favourite person too, he admired her in more ways than he could name. He liked how different she was from her sisters. Where Bellatrix was proud and confident, arrogant and mesmerising, a bit frightening too, her eyes dark and scrutinising, her voice loud and clear, calling to the dreadful parts resting within everyone, Andromeda was all smiles and charm, her mind constantly focused elsewhere and yet always able without fail to know what to say and when. She could almost be seen as rebellious were she not so good at playing with the limits, never respecting them but never crossing them either. Narcissa, on the other hand, had never quite seemed to fit, as if instead of being portrayed in a painting she could be seen in the reflection in the eyes of the sitter, she would stand out amidst her sisters in an almost disturbing way, they all shared the same features and still, she had always been othered, constantly ahead of everyone, as though she was given a script containing the ongoing of everything in details. Sometimes she would even appear practically disinterested with her surroundings, looking like she was forced to attend a ball she had no intent to dance in. The night she came to him he had asked her a question as she was leaving. 

“How did you know I was going to be awake ?” He had said it quietly but when she stopped in her tracks he gained confidence and continued more surely “The lights in my room are always turned off and you surely know Mother has servants overseeing this corridor, considering your room is in the south wing you walked for at least 8 minutes to arrive here, if I had been asleep you would have risked a lot in vain.”

She let her right hand gracefully fall from where it was clenched around the knob before swiftly turning around in the dark, the moonlight making her black hair bluish.

“And you think I wouldn’t risk that for my lovely cousin ?”

“It would have been inconvenient, and you don’t like inconveniences. You could have come during the day, you clearly came tonight knowing I would be awake, how come ?”

A gentle smile overtook her face, as though the situation was amusing to her.

“Well, how come indeed. How about you write me a list of all the reasons you think would have enabled me to know, make it structured and clear, it needs to be logical too, don’t disappoint me. I doubt you have much more to do during your long and sleepless nights.”

After that she elegantly faced the door once more, turning the knob and exposing the dark wood of the hallway floor. As she was leaving, she stopped for a second, before adding without turning around 

“Rest well Regulus, goodnight.”

And just like that she was gone, abandoning the room to a haunting silence, Regulus stayed in place a couple of minutes more, unmoving, still reviewing what had happened, the book Narcissa had given him sitting on his lap, looking like it intruded on an intimate moment, like it witnessed one of the rare family like acts you can observe within a family such as this one, and frankly it did.

Regulus doesn’t remember much after that, but he recalls pushing the book away from him and onto the heavy nightstand on his right, covering his frail boyish shoulders with his white and navy blue embroidered covers, then waiting in the silent night, looking at the moon’s light resting gently on every surface in his room until sleep came and he let himself get lost in it. 

       While he was reminiscing about the events of a few nights ago, more people had gathered and were already talking in the great hall, he was possibly the only one who remained seated, all the family he knew had headed elsewhere. Tonight is a Friday and Fridays are for reunions, as bothersome as such events had proved themselves to be, Regulus had learned to enjoy them, learned to allow himself to sink into the little freedom that was permitted to him, once enough people were present, to keep his parents disapproving eyes and unwanted attention away from him. On nights like these, he would not be expected to do anything other than behave himself, and that, he could do fairly well. Everyone around him was either discussing political matters or exchanging scandalous gossip about the 70s high society, neither of those activities was particularly appealing to him, the former might have interested him did he not have such a limited amount of knowledge on it, he would have to look if he can find any book of relevance about it in the manor's library. But for now, he wanted to be out of here, so he went around the house to look for his brother, or Narcissa, or anyone really, even Bellatrix was better than staying among that suffocating crowd of people. He found Sirius first.

“Sirius ?” 

“Reg ?” 

Upon hearing his voice, Sirius turned around stiffly, surprise transparent in his grey eyes, he quickly recovered and rested gracefully on the counter behind him before adding carefully

“What are you doing here ?” At that, Regulus’s face remains blank, unimpressed by his brother’s question, his gaze focussed on him for a few seconds more before saying 

 “What do you mean what am I doing here, I live here.”

“You live in the kitchens ?” Sirius smirks a bit, seemingly satisfied with his joke.

“Of course not” he rolled his eyes “Now tell me what are you doing here ? Aren’t you supposed to be alongside mother and father ?”

“I got bored so I came here, aren’t you supposed to be in the great hall ?” he said with an accusatory tone in his voice

Regulus ignored him, “ You got bored so you came to the kitchens ?” he raised an eyebrow 

“Yes”

“I don’t believe you” said Regulus haughtily, which looked a bit silly considering he was shorter than his brother by several centimetres

“Okay”

“Okay ?” 

“Yeah, okay you don’t have to believe me” Sirius shrugged then turned around, giving his back to his brother

Regulus furrowed his brows at that, he had never thought about brushing it off as a possible answer when faced with a raised challenge like this one, so he added in a last attempt to corner his brother

“Why is there no one in here”

“I send them away”

“You can do that ?”

“Of course I can, I’m the heir after all”

That didn't make sense, the maids are not supposed to leave their positions, especially on meeting days.

“What are you plotting again ? Mother and father will be furious if they see you here. There are other things to do around here that don’t involve scheming, you know that right ?”

Regulus couldn’t see his face but he was sure that if he could he would see his brother rolling his eyes

“I am well aware thank you very much, but plotting is the only fun thing to do around here” 

“Is it”

“Yes, you would know if you left that room of yours more often”

“Your argument is completely unrelated but whatever, I don’t think plotting is something I should aspire to do at 10 years old”

“Plotting is something everyone should aspire to do regardless of age”

“Of course, you would say that”

“I’ll take that as a compliment”

“It isn’t”

“I choose to take it as a compliment”

“You are delusional then”

“Reality is relative, dear brother, didn’t you know that ? What do you even learn in all those books you read” 

“I learn about things that actually serve a purpose, in other words, things more important than that”

Sirius turned around to look at him, amusement sparkling in his eyes, a smirk plastered on his face, why was he smiling ? This isn’t funny.

“Sure, but they don’t teach you how to have fun” he said turning his back to him once more

“Then teach me” He didn’t think about the words as they left his mouth, which isn’t something he usually does, but he wanted to have his brother's attention, and that was the first thing that had come to his mind.

At that Sirius turned around fully, looking stunned for a bit, his eyebrows started furrowing but he seemed to think better since he quickly changed his expression and smiled brightly “Alright, I’ll teach you”.

[fannedandflawless]

Snape in Staff Meetings

Takes notes.

Writes nothing.

Judges everyone.

Leaves early.

No one questions it.

[saqinama]

O, Your Highness @timetravellingkitty may this humble peasant be a part of your esteemed Revaland?

[alicesbread]

"Now be gone, before someone drops a house on you too" Og Glinda was a SAVAGE

[oxymoron-pleonasma]

[theeviltapdancingwizard]

I spy with my little eye a train, its coming for the. Both of us

🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃🚂🚋🚃🚋🚃🚋🚃

Ohh noo!! If only I was 289.56 centimeters, maybe I'd avoid it then!!

[nournotcoveredbythat]

I stand corrected

It was not my bullshit but the universe's

Godric Gryffindor just blasted through my office window

Fortunately I am not hurt, unfortunately everything was also left relatively unbroken so I still have to work

This time with a cold breeze