#wooahaeruby stuff

[wooahaeruby]

I'm a fucking idiot and I'm glad I remade this meme.

[wooahaeruby]

My editor, @pinkskiddo, and our friend group had our Christmas meet-up! I thought I should fill you in on what Mel got me for the holiday season.

Starting off: A sweatshirt for Seventeen! This is the embroidery on the back! I love it, it's very soft and comfy 🥰🥰 I love it to death

Secondly, this came today...um...this was a surprise that I cry laughed at. Tbh I thought this was going to be the main gift because I forgot that Mel asked what my sweatshirt size was so...there is that.

You can see a little bit of me in the picture.

I can't let my father see this, or he will think I am straight. Anyways-

I might make a tiktok with it later and reblog it here, who knows. 💁🏼‍♀️ I'll figure it out once 2025 happens lol.

What a way to somehow ring in the new year. I'll see you in 2025!

[wooahaeruby]

I came across your account yesterday when a blog I follow reposted the latest bit from the jihoon soulmate series and omg!! your writing is everything!! I binge read every chapter of that series yesterday and was amazed and mindblown at how well it was written and how accurate the members and their agency seemed! I absolutely love your writing and I'm looking forward to the next soulmate stories for the other members (and hopefully more bits of jihoon and ruby bc oml their relationship is EVERYTHING)! keep up the great work dude, all of your works that I've read so far have been absolutely amazing!!!

Hi hi!!

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I love writing little bits for Ruby and Jihoon so much, my editor and I have so many little ideas but I've been working on my other story, Blood Stained Hands, right now. I'm hoping once I finish BSH and continue writing the next Soulmate installments that there will be more extras for both stories!

❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤

[wooahaeruby]

I need to stop having an overactive imagination and a joy for writing because I have too many stories (if I'm counting...15+ in total) I'm writing at once (5 WIPs btw, not including BSH) and little time.

I am mentally ILL and I need to stop having IDEAS.

Please disregard my insanity.

Merry Christmas.

[wooahaeruby]

To all my BSH readers out there.

I have finished another notebook. Now we move onto my third notebook to write in.

Please listen to my aggressive grabbing of the notebooks, I giggled to myself.

My editor is scared :D

[wooahaeruby]

I Saw Ateez Live Again (An Experience)

I don't even know where to begin with this because I am still exhausted from last night.

This would be my second time seeing Ateez live, I last saw them in 2022, which was also an amazing experience!

My friend and I had amazing seats, I'm so thankful to have this opportunity thanks to them (if you are reading this, bitch, I love you 🩷🩵).

I know what I was kinda expecting going into this Ateez show, however, I wasn't expecting a whole MAGIC MIKE SHOW??? KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON?? (jkjk. It was amazing).

The set list was was ✨️chef's kiss✨️ and I couldn't be happier. This was also my friend's first time seeing Ateez live so it was WILD.

I've been an ateez stan since pre-debut (I stumbled upon KQ fellaz and I've been happily stuck ever since) and getting to here Say My Name was so so so so so amazing. I can't begin to describe seeing how far they have come as a group and as performers.

I'm all for appreciating art and let me tell you...this concert was just that, art. There was acting, there was drama, there was LORE, and I was eating that shit UP.

I screamed my heart out at Guerilla, Bouncy, and Crazy Form. My voice is SHOT but that is okay c:

I have talked nonstop about Cyberpunk and Halazia, they are two of my favorite songs and LORD it was beautiful live. I've never experienced such a serotonin high until then.

Turbulence holds a special place in my heart, and I'm not even going to lie, I BALLED MY EYES OUT (then I cried a decent bit through Dreamy Day and Utopia).

Honestly, I'm blanking so much because it feels like an out of body experience. I left that show feeling so content with life, we got back, ate, and then knocked out.

I'm so happy/thankful to have this opportunity like I said earlier in this. I can't wait to continue to watch them grow/mature as artists/performers. They are my ults with Seventeen. They hold a special place in my heart.

I'll be posting pics and stuff on my Twitter @ callistosvt so if you want to check that out check here!

I also got a lot of freebies!! I'm a Jongho bias with a Yeosang wrecker and they ran out of a lot of Jongho from what I saw so I got Yeosang c: I'm going to cherish all of this stuff, you have no idea. I still have some stuff from the 2022 tour!

[wooahaeruby]

I helped with this story c:

Chapter 1: Like a mix of sadness with a cold smile

Chapter WC: 4186

Tags

This is just sad, good luck

Master List | Next

Life had been a drag. Classes felt like a waste, Work became hell, And hobbies that once evoked passion only provide emptiness now. So to whomever this might find, I’m sorry. I wish I did better.

December 24

Your morning started the way it usually did. You woke up to a sliver of sunlight that leaked through your worn-out blinds. It was always five minutes before your alarm when you would rise from your bed like a zombie. Mornings just never agreed with you. The sun was too bright for your tired eyes, but the fresh morning air was always worth it.  

You cracked open your window and gazed upon the morning landscape. The neighborhood you grew up in hadn’t changed much. There was a bite to the air as it was winter and you saw that the morning dew had frozen over. Snowflakes gently fell from the sky and with a shiver you went to close your window, but a flash of yellow caught your eye.

A yellow warbler sat itself atop one of the branches of the now barren plum tree that rested outside of your window. You couldn’t help but stare at the little splotch of color in an otherwise bland world. It was hard to fight the smile that spread across your face as the songster began to chirp, sadly none of it friends were out and about.

“It’s winter, little guy. You need to go home where it’s warm and safe.” You said to the bird.

The feathered friend looked at you and cocked its head before it sang again.

A small laugh escaped you. “I commend your determination soldier but go home.” You clapped your hands together once and the sound was enough to startle the bird back from where it came.

You needed a warm shower and coffee to truly wake you up. Showering was a task, but it always made you feel better. Coffee was coffee, you were never going to turn down a warm mug. 

Once downstairs you retrieved your favorite mug from the cabinet and filled it nearly to the brim. The warm liquid made the mug change from black to Van Gogh’s Starry Night. It was a gift from one of your friends, he knew you loved Van Gogh’s work, he knew a lot about you. 

“Good morning, my little mushroom! Did you sleep well?”

Your father was always a morning person. Ever chipper in the presence of hardship, hardship being the choice between vanilla or pumpkin spice creamer. 

“I slept pretty well. Got up before my alarm again.” You blew the steam away from your mug and took a sip, you preferred cinnamon creamer.

The seat across from you was soon occupied by your father who also began to blow on his hot coffee. This is how most mornings went, coffee with dad and the sound of silence. Nothing could really beat the serenity of winter mornings, there was no rush to get things done, laziness was accepted and warmth was shared. 

“It’s a Saturday, do you have work?” The quiet was broken, but you didn’t mind.

You cozied up to your warm mug. “Evening shift. I’ll be home late.”

“Evening? What are you doing awake?”

A lump formed in your throat, hesitating before you spoke. “Today’s the day-” You cut yourself off, not wanting to speak it into existence.

“Oh.” Your father looked down at his coffee and then to you. “This is the day he went missing.”

“Yeah-” Your voice broke, but you quickly cleared your throat, “I’m going to buy some chrysanthemums and meet up with Cheolie at the cemetery.” 

“Do you want me to drive you-”

“No. I’ll be fine. I’m going to take the bus. And before you ask, yes, my bus card has money on it.” You offered your father a small smile, but you could tell he was worried.

He simply nodded his head and dropped the subject. 

You finished the last of your coffee and before you could get up your father was already taking the empty mug to the sink. You muttered a small ‘thank you’ and went back upstairs to brush your teeth and gather your things. Before you could leave your father stopped you and pulled you in for a tight hug.

All you could do was let out a strained laugh and return the hug. “I kinda need to breathe, dad.”

He placed a small peck on your head and released you. “Tell Seungcheol I said hello and Merry Christmas.”

“Will do!” You responded as you left. 

The first stop was the small flower boutique near your neighborhood and then the bus stop. The flowers would survive the trip. 

It was a modest bouquet, yellow chrysanthemums, a flower of mourning in your friend's culture. He would appreciate them. You also left a small note tucked into the bouquet, you always did. You knew he wouldn’t be able to read it, but you hoped that the words reached him somehow. 

You hugged the flowers close on the ride to the cemetery. The idle chatter was maddening so you took out your phone and opened Spotify. You put in your ear buds and chose the playlist that your small group of friends shared. The three of you used the playlist to communicate with each other, how you were feeling. A way to reach out without making nervous calls or wondering how to correctly word a text message. 

Now Playing: Your Voice - Kim Feel

The song never failed to put you in a trance. You stared out the window and watched as the town blurred into blotches of color. You listened carefully to every lyric. It was the last song he shared in the playlist and so you held it close, memorized it, you even listened to it before bed. So what if it made you cry yourself to sleep, you would give anything to just see him again.

Tears threatened to fall, but you swallowed them. Your stop was approaching and if Seungcheol caught a whiff of sadness he would go into protective brother mode. 

Inhale

Exhale

You put one foot in front of the other after you exited the bus. The cemetery was peaceful as always. No one was there but you did see Seungcheol’s old car, which definitely needed a tune up, in the parking lot. You breached the gate of the cemetery and continued walking with the bouquet still held close to your chest.

As you approached his headstone, you saw another figure come into view. Dressed in a black wool coat and warm red scarf was Seungcheol, a friend you had known since childhood. You carefully walked up the path so as to not disturb him. His head sagged down and as you got closer you could see his eyes were closed. He wasn’t religious, but he paid his respects in his own way, praying didn’t have to be tied to religion anyway.

“I see you have already cleaned up the headstone a bit. How long have you been here?” Your voice came out weaker than you wanted.

Seungcheol turned his attention to you. His cheeks were a bit pink in addition to his nose. He sniffled before he spoke.

“I’ve been standing here for about five minutes. Hello, by the way.” He offered a gummy smile and held an arm out, an invitation for a hug.

“Hi.” You returned the smile and nestled into the warmth of your friend. 

He held onto you and squeezed. The two of you remained like that for a moment before you realized you were still holding onto the flowers. You knelt down and gently replaced the old flowers with the new. Your hand lingered on the cold stone and you traced over the intricate lettering.

“Wish you were here, Seokmin.” You muttered under your breath.

You had been so numb these past few days you didn’t even notice when the tears finally wet your cheeks. You stood and returned to Seungcheol. As your eyes met he immediately began to coddle you. Warmth radiated onto you as he stood close to examine your face.

“They’re just tears, Cheolie.” You said matter of factly.

He began to use his scarf to wipe the tears from your cheeks. It was soft and had the faint scent of sage. 

“I know, I know.” He released his hold on your face, “But Min-ah wouldn’t want us to shed any more tears.”

Your face scrunched into something in between a smile and a scowl. You knew Seokmin hated it when people were sad, he couldn’t even watch people cry in movies. A sigh escaped you as you remembered watching Marley And Me, it was a steady flow of tears that came from your friend. You had to console him for nearly the whole night.

“Oh!” It was a small exclamation, but it still caught Seungcheol by surprise. “Dad says hi and Merry Christmas.”

Seungcheol chuckled. “He knows he has my number right?”

“Yes, but I am forever his most trusted courtier.” You finished the statement with a small bow of your head.

The two of you shared a laugh, but it passed too soon. Joy almost felt forbidden on a day like today. Christmas Eve was supposed to be jolly and full of holiday spirit, but for you and Seungcheol it was a day of sorrow and remembrance. 

“Have you eaten? We can go into town and grab a bite.” Seungcheol offered.

“Sounds good, I’m starving.”

The drive into town was peaceful for a Saturday in December. Seungcheol took you to a quaint bistro for brunch and more coffee. There was a hearth with a steady flame that warmed the room, making it comfortable enough to shed your winter jackets.

“Anything in particular that you want?” Seungcheol scanned the menu as he spoke.

A large smirk was plastered on your face. “As much as daddy’s wallet can afford.”

Seungcheol choked on his spit as the words smacked him. “Don’t- don’t. Please.”

You shrugged innocently as you looked at him with big eyes. “What are you talking about? Did I say something weird?”

“Do. Not. Gaslight. Me.”

“I’m not gaslighting you-”

“I’m your ride home.” 

“I have my bus card, loser.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at Seungcheol’s shocked expression. It was so good you pulled out your phone and snapped a picture of his face. He attempted to push the phone away, but you swiftly changed your angle and stole a few more pictures for good measure. The waitress arriving at your table made the two of you act more reserved, but anyone could see that the two of you were clowns.

Both you and Seungcheol started off with a cup of coffee to warm yourselves up. You mingled, just simple conversations like work and recent TV show theories. When the food arrived you focused more on eating rather than chatting. As you were enjoying your food you couldn’t help but notice Seungcheol looking at you, and it wasn’t the normal ‘I love my friend’ stare. It was more along the lines of ‘Is my friend okay?’.

You touched the tips of your fingers to your lips. “What? Is there food on my face?”

Seungcheol snickered. “No.” He smiled, but there was something else behind it. “I’m just worried about you.”

There was hesitation in his voice, like he wasn’t entirely sure if the topic was appropriate given you two were in public. The statement left a bad taste in your mouth. You immediately felt judged even though you knew it was not your friend’s intention. 

“I’m fine, Cheolie. I’ve just been a little tired recently.” You tried to hide any negativity with a smile, but Seungcheol wasn’t buying it.

“I can see that. You look like you’re not getting enough sleep and you’re looking a little gaunt. Are you eating all of your meals?” 

You fought the urge to roll your eyes. “I mean, I’m alive, aren’t I? I still go to my classes and I have my job-”

“You’re proving my point.” Seungcheol interjected.

The interruption surprised you, it had been a while since you and Seungcheol talked about each other's well being. The more you thought about your friend's concerns the more it stressed you out and more stress meant more exhaustion. You didn’t even notice you had a white-knuckled grip on your fork until Seungcheol held his hand open for you to hold it.

You placed the fork down and gently placed your hand on Seungcheol’s. He rubbed small circles over your knuckles with his thumb and you could feel him trying to massage out the indentations on your palm. It was soothing, but you still felt emotion bubbling into your throat.

A deep sigh broke the momentary silence. “When was the last time you painted something?”

“I submitted a project for my fine arts-”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Seungcheol’s expression went stern, you found it hard to endure.

Seungcheol was always like a big brother to you, but when he had that look in his eye he seemed more like a parent. 

“I haven’t truly painted since-” Now you were interrupting yourself. You cleared the lump in your throat with a cough. “It’s been about two years.”

There was a pause between the two of you. Seungcheol looked down at your hand and nodded. He squeezed your hand reassuringly and returned his attention to you.

“So ever since Seokmin went missing?”

You mouthed a soft ‘yes’, it was barely a whisper but Seungcheol heard you. He understood you better than most. That wasn’t saying much though, your list of friends dwindled over the years. The only reason why Seungcheol stuck around was because he would kill you if you ghosted him.

“How about we finish up here and I take you home? That way you can relax and I can say hello to your father in person.”

With the nod of your head Seungcheol asked for the bill. He covered the cost of the meal and you tipped the waitress. She thanked you and wished you a Merry Christmas, you returned the gesture, but it felt like an empty sentiment.

The drive was as quiet as before yet it was not as peaceful. There was a subtle tension in the air. The type of tension that was a result of unspoken words and problems that needed to be confronted. 

As you entered your house you were met with the smell of apples and cinnamon. Your dad always liked to prepare a day early for Christmas dinner. 

“Dad! I’m back!”

Your father peeked his head into the hallway and smiled as he saw you. “Welcome back!” His smile grew wider as he saw you were with Seungcheol. “Heya Cheol!”

You watched Seungcheol and your father exchange greetings while you untied your shoes and placed them near the front door. Next you hung up your jacket, but you still held your bag.

“I’m gonna go put my bag upstairs. I’ll be back!” You said as you jogged up the steps.

The second you were in your room you closed your door and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Your bag was flung onto the ground next to a pile of clean laundry you couldn’t be bothered to fold. With a sigh you flopped onto your bed and stared at the ceiling. Even though it was early in the afternoon, you felt a wave of tiredness wash over you. You tried to rub the sleep from your eyes, but soon found yourself dozing off.

A knock on your door startled you awake and you sprung up to see the doorknob gently turn. Seungcheol peered around the door and met your gaze. 

“You said you’d be right back. It’s been twenty minutes.” He said with a hint of worry.

Exhaustion was still written all over your face and you fought back a yawn before you spoke. “All I did was lay down. I must have passed out.”

Seungcheol didn’t say anything, he didn’t breach the doorway either. Your blinds were closed so the room was dark, the only light being that of the hallway. Seungcheol was just a silhouette due to the difference in brightness.

“Well, I just wanted to let you know that I’m heading out.”

You rose from your bed. “Already? You just got here.”

“For you maybe. I’ve been talking to your dad about stocks and I came up here to escape him.” Seungcheol’s tone turned apologetic. “I can hang out up here for a little if you want. But it can’t be for more than an hour.”

You walked over to your window and opened the blinds. The light that shined on your face made you instinctively flinch and squint all at once. Your door creaked softly as Seungcheol entered and he immediately went for the bean bag chair that sat at the corner of your room. He always stole that spot any chance he got. He even told you to give him the chair so that he can have it in his room, but you refused. It took three separate days of refusal for him to stop asking for it and an extra day for him to buy one for himself.

Despite the state of your room, Seungcheol never judged. Most of the mess was an assortment of papers, art supplies and unfinished projects anyway. You always made sure to keep food out of your room and if you did eat upstairs your father always reminded you to take your plate down for washing. 

Seungcheol pointed to a slightly uncovered canvas. “Is that one of your school projects?”

You saw what he was referring to. It was a fairly large canvas that only had a sketch on it. You covered it back up before he could see anymore of it. “Uh- not really. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while. I just haven’t had any inspiration lately.”

“No inspiration?” Seungcheol thought for a moment. “Want to do some exercises then? Get a sketch pad, draw something in the room. You used to do that all the time.”

“I don’t know. My mind is a bit unfocused right now.” You trailed off.

Seungcheol stood up and retrieved your sketch pad and pencils from your desk. He handed them to you. “Just. Draw.”

You took the pad of paper and grabbed one of the pencils. Instead of going to your desk you propped yourself up in your bed and leaned the sketch pad against your thighs. You looked around your room. You saw your closet that was ajar, an old trophy by your desk and a small bamboo plant. Nothing sparked any inspiration so you looked to Seungcheol. He had resorted to scrolling through his phone with one ear bud in and the other out. You began to draw your friend in his relaxed position. Before you knew it you already had the pose down, it just needed some details.

The only sounds of your room were pencil to paper and the occasional tap of a phone screen. Your drawing had come along well, illustration was always your strong suit. Seungcheol stood from his seat and walked over to you. He looked at the drawing and smiled.

“Is that what I look like to you?” He asked.

“What?” You continued to draw as you spoke. “It just looks like you.”

He snickered. “Maybe if I was in a comic or something. I think you made my jaw a bit too strong.”

“That’s what it looked like from my angle!”

Seungcheol’s brow rose. “I’ll keep that in mind whenever I’m getting my picture taken.”

You finished up the drawing with a bit of shading. It turned out better than you expected and so you quickly dated it and left the note ‘Thank you for clearing the art block’ . You tore the page out of the sketch pad and handed it to Seungcheol. 

“Keep it. If it stays here it will just be collecting dust.”

Seungcheol smiled as he looked at the drawing. He then leaned down and enveloped you in a warm hug.

“What’s this for?” You asked as you were being squeezed.

“Nothing. I just like seeing you create things.” He ruffled the hair on top of your head after he released you. “I’m going to head out now. My family is probably wondering where I am.”

You nodded your head in response. “Tell them I said Merry Christmas!”

Seungcheol gave you a two finger salute and a wink before he left your room. There was a light buzzing feeling all over you. Quality time with friends does do that to a person. You stood from your bed once more and walked over to the canvas you had previously covered. You unveiled the unfinished work and stared. 

It was a portrait. More of a recreation of a picture. It was of  you, Seungcheol and Seokmin. The picture you referenced was pinned on the side of the canvas. A picture from Seokmin’s eighteenth birthday. The front of his face was being lit by the warm candle light. The flames reflected in his deep brown eyes, adding a sparkle of pure joy. His face was the image of innocence as his cheeks were puffed out, ready to blow out the candles. Seokmin was always the complete opposite of you. Vibrant, colorful, a little silly, and just so unapologetically him. He saw the beauty in the world and was able to capture special moments with his camera. You had no such talent, you mostly saw the world as a bit dull and empty. That’s why you painted. You would rather create something fantastic and other worldly than see the world as it actually was.

You checked your clock, it was already half past four, Seungcheol stayed longer than he said he would. Slowly, you prepared yourself for work. The only thing that kept you moving was knowing that the shop would be pretty empty. No one goes last minute shopping in a coffee shop. 

Fortunately, your assumption was correct. There had to have been a total of ten people in the span of six hours. You rid yourself of your apron and grabbed your bag from the back of the shop. Even though it was the end of your shift you couldn’t help but tidy up a few things to help your co-workers close up. You bid the other two who were working a goodnight and a Merry Christmas, that phrase became tiresome by the end of the shift.

The bus stop was not far from the cafe, but you decided to take a stroll. Since it was Christmas Eve the bridge over the town's river would be decorated with fairy lights; it was always a sight to behold. You found your way to the bridge, a few couples were taking pictures though they soon passed by. The road was empty, not a single car in sight, just peace and quiet. You leaned over the bridge rail and stared up at the night sky, the moon was barely a sliver of light that peeked through gray clouds. 

The winter air was crisp and cool. It brought you peace as you closed our eyes and enjoyed the breeze. Something cool fell onto your face. As you opened your eyes you could see snow falling from the sky. You didn’t want to admit it but something as simple as a few snowflakes was able to put a smile on your face. 

-in

A voice? Something like a whisper. You looked around but saw no one.

Give in.

A shiver went down your spine yet it wasn’t because of the cold weather. You whipped your head around, looking in every direction, but there was no one to be seen. Not a single person was on this bridge, it was only you. A surprisingly strong breeze blew by and you ducked down to block your face. When you opened your eyes once more you were met with a dull glow from beyond the bridge. You let your vision refocus and the sight was clear as day. Something was under the water; a faint, blue glow under the current. 

Give in. Join us.

You heard the voice once more, a soothing whisper. It was so soft, you wished to hear more. Before your eyes, the river’s current began to swirl, the spectacle nearly placed you under a hypnotizing spell. 

 A sharp chirping broke you from your trance and a flash of yellow caught your eye; a simple song bird. 

The voice sang into your ears once more.

Join us. Fall. There will be no more pain.

All you remembered was falling over the edge, the rush of cold air and freezing water biting at your skin.

Something else called out to you but it was muffled. Through the surface of the water, you saw a figure staring down at you. They were saying something: a call for help? Or was it just your name? 

Darkness consumed you as you felt your last breath escape.

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[wooahaeruby]

i just binged bsh..you are genuinely one of the best writers in my short 20 years on this earth like this is best piece of work i’ve read in a long time!! especially since i haven’t officially been a carat for a while (idk why it took me so long to actually stan them😭) but the way you write oh em geeeeeee the details!! the pot pie, i loved the way you wrote the training scenes too!! can’t wait to see what else you have in store!! i l love ur work sm !! fighting and i hope you have a great day,month, and year!!

Hi there!

Thank you so much ❤️ it really means a lot. Welcome to being a Carat too!

I have a lot planned and I was gonna write this week (i had so much motivation!!) but I ended up sick 🫠 but, im starting to feel better so hopefully...hopefully i can get more detail packed writing done!

If you haven't, check out To You! Its another one of my works c:

[wooahaeruby]

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?

Everytime I come back to AO3 and see the hits for To You get bigger, I yell this, I hope everyone understands that.

[wooahaeruby]

girl BSH is so GOOOD OMG 🙂‍↕️🙏

Hiiii, I'm glad to hear you like it! I still have so much writing to do 😪😪😪 the grind never stops!!

[wooahaeruby]

There I am, Gary. There we are @doahaesunshine

me because @leejenoenthusiast kept me up until 2:30 AM reading the wildest rollercoaster of a fantasy au i’ve ever experienced when i had classes the next day:

@doahaesunshine and @wooahaeruby created something incredible, it’s called fallin’ flower, go read it, it awoke so many all consuming feelings

[wooahaeruby]

I have been following "Blood Stained Hands" for quite long...saving it for binge read...would you mind sharing how many chapters you can planned for this fic...no pressure though...just a curious reader here who loves fictional series...💕🥹

Hi there!!

Thank you for reading BSH! It means a whole lot to me 🥰🥰❤️

I'm going to be honest with you, I don't plan chapters, I kinda just write a general guide and write from there. I don't know how long BSH will be. I honestly didn't expect it to get this long, but I'm still going, haha. I'm writing chapter 48 as I type this! No idea where we will end up really.

If you ever want to chat about BSH, my DMs are always open c:

[wooahaeruby]

Okay, my crash out for chapter 45; so if you haven’t read it, scroll away, you really don’t want to read this.

I swear, this chapter had me IN TEARS I CANNOT EVEN JOKE ABOUT THIS ANYMORE FUCKKKK.

First of all, I am glad that mouse is slowly and steadily getting healed because no one can imagine the stuffs she had went through plus going outside even if it was with someone was a huge step, I got sentiment or how do I say this, uh... almost tearful of happiness? because FINALLY MY GIRLLL 😭😭😭😭 YOU DID IT, and I was like “wow, is this how parents feel when their baby takes a very first step or does anything great” I am so so sOOOOOO MUCH PROUD OF HERRRR EVEN NOT A SINGLE WORD FROM ENGLISH DICTIONARY WILL BE ENOUGH FUCK, MOUSE MY SHAYLALALA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And I know for the fact, that wonwoo really did not wanted mouse to see that footage either, but that footage gave us the idea about what happened from their pov and the intensity of the situation; this wasn’t just stealing resources, no, this was truly inhumane and I am a born BSH MX HATER FOR LIFEEEEE ( disclaimer : please separate fiction from reality, I really love them irl please people do not twist my words 🙏🏻🙂 )

I really want to see mouse happy, FUCKK I think I have already said this once as well, but the way contrasti-cally she was so awfully calm reminded me of calmness before storm, and for now I can only assume much. It will be a truly a very hard time getting used to the ruby bar, and a part of me wishes that they will have their end in that same place where it all began. FUCKKKKKK, EFF YOUUU EMMMMEXXXXXX 😾😾😾😾😾

And oh god, seungcheol, fuck this guy is soo UGSHAGAGUSHAHAHAH i got cuteness aggression from that action alone that a part of me wanted to desperate whine out and cry FUCKKKKK but yes, mouse needed that and I am glad that cheol caught it earlier on and did that :(((((( my babies :(((((((((

And this is it.

The moment that I had been waiting for.

Praying for every ethical entity out there, to fulfill my wish, my stubborn will, my everything.

SPOILER AHEAD!!!

And....

You tossed the pillow against him, closer to his side that rested against the back of the couch than the free edge, and grabbed the second blanket, curling it around yourself.

FUCKKKK WHAT IF I TELL YOU. THIS IS MY 13TH REASON BAGSJAHAJA I TRIED SO BAD, I PROMISED I TRIED, BUT I COULD NOT STOP MYSELF FROM CRYING FOR REAL. FUCKING HELLLLLLLL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I AM STILL TEARY EYED AS I TYPE THIS CAUSE LIKE WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK AAAAAAAAAAA😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 MY JEONGSE FUCKKKKKK MY OG LALALALA ARGHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANTED TO SCREAM BUT OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD

Okay, I am calm, I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm I am calm

WHEEEWWWWWWWW! but yes, that scene single-handedly increased my life span. I was truly waiting for that, and I am SO SOO PROUD OF MOUSE IN THIS CHAPTER!!!!! And oh bro, this is truly steps ahead and a very huge one, and even sleeping together with boundaries, and I am so fucking proud of mouse for getting there. My girl, you just pulled my heart strings so bad you got me crying 6 in the morning.

And fuck, the last scene oh my god, even though I have read those chapters for the thousands times and maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe ended up having nightmares about it going in different scenarios or even worst, I still feel chills whenever she narrated throughout the chapter, and oh god, I know someone is going to cry a lot in the next chapter which is just a guess but oh boy.... 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁

I loved this chapter, and how it went, it was perfect and sorry for not coming here often, I am a bit swamped with studies and procrastination is hitting me a lot 😭😭😭 I hope you and editor has been doing amazing and someone need to bonk you in the head for traumatising me /j AGAIN joking because I knew what I was getting into when I had began reading your AU, I had been re-reading TO YOU that airport part and no matter how many times I re-read, that one is my most favourite part and the ring one is very very chaotic.

Always be happy, and prioritize yourself and take as much time as you want, I am also proud of you sm, you are doing amazing and I wish you nothing but opportunities filled with happiness and may your trials bloom. 💗 Thank you for writing this!

— 🌙

I usually back-read everything before sending, but FUCK I AM TEARY-EYED AND I CANNOT DO THIS RN SO PLS IGNORE IF THERES ANY CONFUSION 😭😭😭😭😭

Girl jesus christ lmao

Also hi, I've missed you.

A lot happens in chapter 45 that I had to go back and read a few things with my editor lmao.

I'll start off with the simple stuff. Editor and I are doing well! Their birthday was on the 24th so our friend group got together last weekend to celebrate! It was nice and we all hung out while I tortured them with BSH jokes. We are both in the process of 1) looking for a new job (editor's stuff) and 2) waiting on a start date for a new job (me). So we are chilling.

Now, only this monster you have written lmao.

Mouse's healing journey was an important thing I couldn't just brush over, there was layers to it that needed to be done. I really wanted to show a progress she was going to go through. In the back of my mind, I always wanted Mouse to see the Ruby tapes to be able to understand what they went through because she wasn't the only one hurting, you know? I didn't want to be such a self-centered type of reflection on Mouse's part. Wonwoo truly didn't want her to see them, but also didn't want to rewatch them himself.

As for MX, I love them so much, there is an agreement in a new story I have planned that MX will be the good guys and SVT will be the bag guys, but there is a long time until that story happens haha. I have so much to write before then.

Cheol's whole part will be a big thing later on~ Don't worry!

As I said, Mouse's healing is a really big thing. You are going to see the ups and downs, but also see strength and love going forward, there is going to be a big shift soon in mentality and things she does for a reason. I am excited for all the plans I have for this story.

There has always been a joke that Mouse was going to wake up from the coma instead of everything happening but when I said that to Editor, they threatened my life so :D I reminded them of that when I was writing this and they are so stressed.

"For my sanity, I'm begging you, do NOT-" "that made me mad, that made be genuinely mad." "Tristen, Tristen...*gets close to mic* If you even fucking try. I'm going to hunt you for sport, this isn't a fucking joke. I would skin you while you were still alive. The things I would do if you did that. This ain't a joke no more."

^ that is just a little I deal with :D

A few minutes later: "I don't know what just came over me, I'm sorry." A Demon, a demon, came over you @pinkskiddo

I hope you know that I'm proud of you for not drinking!! But yeah, I know haha. When I wrote this i went "I need comedic relief for the shit I'm putting down here."

I'm so excited for the Ruby - Spider love child they were going to sing.

I hope your studies have been going well despite the procrastination! I've been handling some writers block but I'm finally getting back into the grove of things!! I hope you've been okay either way!

<3

[wooahaeruby]

So I posted the BSH chapter here on the 23rd and uhhhh.

My dad had surgery on the 21st, and I jumped into caregiver mode. My grandparents visited us to see him for 3 days (i wanted to die). The USA went to shit. My boss went crazy and I'm losing my mind. OH! And I have an infection 😀

I haven't forgotten about Tumblr. I'll be posting the next chapter here soon (maybe tomorrow while im at work because fuck my boss), I've just been 🫠🫠 they are up on Ao3 if you wanna read a little ahead.

Thank you for being patient 🖤 I'm going to bed now. Goodnight.

Edit: this is my 250th post apparently and I laughed because it was me just bitching a little 😂😂

[wooahaeruby]

hello again, i’m the same anon who had wrote that huge message of me losing my mind. i am really a very shy person, and it takes a lot in me to open up and all but please i am a real person who really really loves your work that you’ve done so far. i will keep leaving messages like this, so 🌙 will be my emoji and i hope you don’t mind.

now about your question..

did bsh scarred me? yes, but hey I knew what I was reading and not to be that person but I am someone who loses interest too easily and this is one of the reasons why I have watched a very less kdrama, animes or any shows, even when it comes to songs like, it has 0.1 second to convince me that it is good, and if that something lines to my lane, I am never ever leaving that until the end. Your bsh is one of that, and I can say that I have became more patient that I was back then 😭😭😭 I really sounded like a lunatic person in that tell I AM SORRRY LMAOAOAOOAOAOAOOOOOO

But still, I am gonna be patient and wait for few more chapters so I don’t make the same mistake of reading the chapter and going insane but really, your bsh is really good and I hope you remember that. If you ever decide to become a writer, I would buy your books even though I am from somewhere where imported books can be quite expensive but yours will be worth every penny of it. Thank you for writing and dedicating your time and resources to write bsh. I hope mouse is safe and sound, and in the next upcoming chapters, and if not then damn you really are one of the brutal /j

Jokes aside, this is just my opinions and I hope you are also having a great time writing and to your editor(s?), I envy that person to be the first person to read because 😭😭😭😭 DAMNNNNN, they really be going through all the stages of emotions and I am sure they must've gone insane while reading the latest chapter.

That is perfectly okay, I'm glad you are comfortable at least reach out this way! Love 🌙 for you!!

I'm sorry that BSH had scarred you (not really, I knew what I was writing, I know what kinda demon I am). I know I'm crazy. I can tell you it doesn't get better for a bit :D If I remember correctly, the next chapter on AO3 is going to be- :D hahaha. You'll need to read the trigger warnings on that one. Mouse will be safe...eventually.

I haven't really thought about becoming a writer. This has juat been my hobby and how I spend my time decompressing after work. I have joked that if I turn the Google docs I have into the proper size (letter vs A4 I believe for books) it would break Google docs. But also, I've already broken Google docs because BSH now spans 3 docs since the first two broke :D We have surprised To You in word count a WHILE AGO too.

Technically, there are two editors (one is there to edit, the other is there for help me scheme up ideas sometimes against the first editor). You maybe shouldn't envy them 😂😂😂 every time I say "I have an idea" to them it turns into "Tristen, what does that mean??? WHO ARE YOU HURTING???" It's my favorite part or the day 🤭🤭

The story is a bit further than what is posted on AO3. (44 chapters rn in total) so we are dealing with Mouse still and the dynamics~ I have so much planned still so I'm :D always writing. I'm getting close to finishing the second notebook I'm writing by hand.

But remember...

Nothing bad every happens in Blood Stained Hands /hj

[wooahaeruby]

Don't tease your editors, kids.

@doahaesunshine and I are plotting and @pinkskiddo isn't happy about it. :D