#you've been in my inbox for MONTHS

[nudibro]

LOVE YOUR ART SM

Had a silly thought, do Narinder's whiskers ever fall off? Does the Lamb stick em on his head like they're antenas like ppl luv doin' on tiktok lmao??

mmmmyeah :D After finding that out, they have been collecting his whiskers to put them in a tiny vase. Nari later on would add any stray whisker he'd find when Lamb wasn't looking.

ID text above and below as always. :)

[ID: A six page fan-comic of The Lamb and Narinder from the game Cult of the Lamb. Image 1: The Lamb is seen folding laundry before something catches their eye. They gasp in shock as they look down at Narinder's whisker. Image 2: They pick up the whisker with a joyful expression on their face. "Nari's whisker! I didn't think his were able to detach like this! I gotta start a collection." The Lamb then cuts themselves off, a lightbulb floats in front of them as they think of an idea. Then they look to the side, grazing Narinder's whisker on top of their nose as they smile big and say, "or." Image 3: Somewhere else, Narinder is seen in front of a tree whittling. His face is expressionless and content. The Lamb speaks to him off screen, "Narinder, do you have a moment?" He growls angrily and snaps his wooden project in half. He then points his whittling knife at them with his eyebrow raised. "Why do you haunt me with your presence today, Lamb? Image 4: The Lamb grins with their eyes squinted, looking up at him. "Oh I just wanted to see you. Nothing crazy." Narinder stares at the Lamb with sharp cat eyes before taking a step back. "That face. Why are you making that face?" He squints at them as he holds up his whittling knife. The Lamb tells him to "Stay still" before Narinder cuts them off saying, "Back demon!". Image 5: The Lamb places Narinder's whisker on top of his head while saying "Bloop!" The sudden gesture makes him flinch and tense up before he looks up at his detached whisker now on his head. The Lamb begins to hold back their laughter before asking, "What's wrong? You should keep the look!" And then nudges him. Narinder is silent as he grips onto his whittling knife while glaring at them. Image 6: Narinder fully turns his head towards the Lamb and grits his teeth, holding his knife up higher as he grumbles, "I hate you." The Lamb has tears in their eyes as they let out a long wheeze. End ID.]

[thsc-confessions]

"one person i know has countless AUs and friends who always draw those AUs that I have lost count. I'm desperate to socialize with everyone there more but when I'm stuck in school in the summer i just cant. I want to be cool too." submitted by anon

[swordheld]

i believe we all are unspectacular, though

this feeling - it's yours, through and through. your experience is yours and you have earned every emotion you hold on to. in writing this, i don't mean to try to explain away how you're feeling; i only want to attempt to show you the inverse, the hidden light that shadows beyond every darkness.

sometimes there are moments where it all becomes too much and we fall into it, that long dark, and it takes us from ourselves, from some part of us that lives close to whatever we hold to the light of things. the hard part of this was never finding that awe, that spectacular beauty, but keeping it close enough to guide us out of the dark. it slips so easy through our fingers.

when that becomes so big it swallows all else: what if you think of the softest thing? of similarity, and kindness, and how it seems to be rooted down to the marrow of us.

we have existed for so long, so little. we are like giants, on our pebble of a celestial grain of sand. our lives are short and memories far shorter. and yet look at all that we do with it: look at how far it goes - each shining piece.

how could it be just unspectacular? couldn't it always, always have the possibility for more? i implore you to read through ada limón's full piece that this is pulled from, titled dead stars:

Out here, there’s a bowing even the trees are doing.                  Winter’s icy hand at the back of all of us. Black bark, slick yellow leaves, a kind of stillness that feels so mute it’s almost in another year. I am a hearth of spiders these days: a nest of trying. We point out the stars that make Orion as we take out        the trash, the rolling containers a song of suburban         thunder. It’s almost romantic as we adjust the waxy blue        recycling bin until you say, Man, we should really learn some new constellations. And it’s true. We keep forgetting about Antlia, Centaurus,        Draco, Lacerta, Hydra, Lyra, Lynx. But mostly we’re forgetting we’re dead stars too, my mouth        is full        of dust and I wish to reclaim the rising— to lean in the spotlight of streetlight with you, toward        what’s larger within us, toward how we were born. Look, we are not unspectacular things.        We’ve come this far, survived this much. What would happen if we decided to survive more? To love         harder? What if we stood up with our synapses and flesh and said,         No.      No, to the rising tides. Stood for the many mute mouths of the sea, of the land? What would happen if we used our bodies to bargain for the safety of others, for earth,                  if we declared a clean night, if we stopped being         terrified, if we launched our demands into the sky, made ourselves so         big people could point to us with the arrows they make in their         minds, rolling their trash bins out, after all of this is over?

poetry is lovely for so many reasons, but a personal favourite is that it can mean different things to different readers. this one, to me, means there is more here. as in: you are not the first, you are not alone in this ache, this heavy weight of life. the ground has shook with dance since before our feet, the wind has carried stories beyond our voice. it says there has been more here.

and that, in turn, says everything without so many words, doesn't it?

we try, and try, and give everything we have. we have been doing it since before language, since before breath. it is a history that says i need you to know that i tried. that i made it out, into the light of things.

nothing lasts forever. there is no such thing as permanence. everything washes away. there is rot and things collapse, forests fall, seasons change, and time moves on. but the same time  –  there is no such thing as separation. we are not exempt. we all share this changing. 

yes, loving the world is difficult. finding pieces of living, of being alive, that make it worth living is one of the most difficult of searches, but it's one of the most rewarding, as well as the only things truly worth anything. you need to find things to keep going for. you need to recognize your own spectacular things specific to you, because who else is going to do it? 

there is something strong in teaching yourself to hone that perspective. to hold everything else in rays of scattered sunlight through canopies - momentary joys so profound: a violin melody, art that breaks you alive, poetry you want to hold behind your teeth, the smell of cinnamon bread in the oven, because at the end of it: wouldn’t you want hope? wouldn’t you choose hope?

and poems like this, they ask: if you could, even just once more, dare to dream, dream anything, dream it all, each and every piece of light that could await you - wouldn't you?

and wouldn't you? wouldn't you.

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

Which egg would eat a random nut/berry/bug they found outside?

[moxtoons]

Considering closing my askbox soon

[softnoirr]

They can totally do whatever they want but I think the problem with that one was that no one knew who was going to be endgame and we just assumed it would be TC and yeah.. 😬 🤣

Also if I remember correctly the writer broke them up right when they were getting to the good part so there were def some hard feelings there lmao. All that buildup just for her to be with Kelley???? I was waking up for my 8am college classes with such an attitude for a while after that

yeah I mean I still sincerely think the writer did not owe anyone either the expected ending or a warning of where the story was going to go and i often think theres a sort of toxic entitlement to fic in fandom spaces which makes everyones experience worse; not just the writer but also the reader.

but then i also understand why it would piss people off and thats understandable. and i think that writer might be the funniest person alive.

[darkmatilda]

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟 | 𝐬.𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: spencer needs your help examining a crucial piece of evidence...but the moment he sees you, his mind goes blah blah blah...proper name, place name, backstory stuff...

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐭𝐰: spencer reid x diva!chemist! female reader, same reader as in pick your poison but you don’t need to read that first—there aren’t any major references, suggestion that the reader engages in casual hook ups, reader has a belly button piercing and a described outfit, spencer's pov only

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 2k

𝐚/𝐧: requested by @trulymadlydarling it was slowly gathering dust in my inbox 😭 sorry!

"I think the threshold of my lab isn't exactly the best place for camping."

A woman's silhouette cast a shadow over Spencer as she appeared right above him in the dimly lit hallway.

Spencer sighed in frustration and hauled himself to his feet. As he brushed off his pants, he kept his eyes off the woman in front of him.

"Well, I didn't think you'd make me wait fifty-eight—"

"Oh, just say the hour. Is rounding numbers really that hard for you?" she scoffed, her voice carrying a trace of genuine curiosity. She swiped her access card, unlocking the door to the lab. With her back turned to him, he took in her appearance—an oversized fur coat draped over her shoulders, a designer handbag hanging from one arm. His gaze drifted downward, and to his surprise, he noticed…pajama pants and slippers?

"You should be grateful I even bothered to show up at this hour," she added.

"This is really important," Spencer replied as she led him inside.

She moved through the space with effortless familiarity, heading straight for the light switch. Well, this was her domain, after all—the place where she spent most of her days.

"I don't care," she replied. "Unless you've found proof that Marilyn Monroe was the Zodiac Killer all along—then, well, I care a little. Honestly, you have no idea how much you owe me for showing up..."

He rolled his eyes.

"Should I be thanking you on my knees, or...?"

"I could have been busy. I could have been out with the girls at a club. I could have been having the night of my life..."

"I get it, you made a huge sacrifice answering my request, but can you now—"

"I could have been in bed already. My own. Or not my own," she glanced at him over her shoulder. "Though in that case, I wouldn’t have picked up."

Spencer simply sighed. By now, he was used to it—the way most of their conversations followed the same pattern. How she always set the pace, steering the direction as she pleased. How she sometimes deliberately ignored his words and didn’t care if it made her seem rude. How, in general, she didn’t care what impression she left on others.

He had witnessed it countless times, found it irritating every single time, and yet—every single time—he kept the conversation going. Funny.

She switched on only one of the lights, leaving the room bathed in a soft twilight. Her handbag landed on the long counter beside one of the microscopes, and she tossed her fur coat next to it, completely unconcerned about knocking something over.

Sometimes, he watched her with quiet fascination—the effortless confidence in her movements—and wondered if she had ever, even once, smacked her hip against a doorframe. Or stubbed her toe on a cabinet. Those small, mundane humiliations and everyday mishaps simply didn’t seem to fit with who she was.

He tightened his grip on the plastic bag he had brought with him, the one containing something that needed to be examined. The team didn’t know about it yet.

The thought, the theory, had quite literally yanked him out of sleep. He couldn’t function without checking this lead immediately. But he knew that if he went through the lab, he’d have to wait until morning for the results…so he decided to ask for a friendly favor.

Okay friendly was a big word.

They had known each other for a few months, worked together on several cases, gone on a date, slept together.

Not necessarily in that order.

He was just about to open his mouth, say something, hand her the bag… when, for the first time, he actually saw her in better light than the dim glow—or rather, lack of it—in the hallway. Against his own will, his gaze started its journey over her.

From the slippers on her feet, up the loose pajama pants that ended just below the piercing in her navel, the black camisole with thin straps, to her face—completely free of makeup.

Until now, he had only seen her in two versions. One was her usual, elegant work attire. The other was her evening look—form-fitting, designed to turn heads and keep them there.

On second thought, there was also a third version. Without clothes.

But he had never seen her like this. Casual, comfortable, dressed for nothing more than wandering the walls of her own apartment.

She lifted her arms to tie her hair into a ponytail, and her shirt rode up slightly.

“If my piercing fascinates you that much, I can give you my piercer’s number,” she offered dryly, a fleeting smirk on her lips as she caught his stare. He immediately snapped his gaze back to her face, cursing internally when he realized he probably looked like he had been caught staring. Which, of course, he hadn’t been. “Excellent work. Full professionalism. Experienced hands…”

"I need you to check this stain," he interrupted, raising the bag.

They had been talking too much, and he really needed to know if his suspicions were correct.

She stepped closer to take the bag from him.

“Is this a crucial piece of evidence, or can I touch it?”

“You can touch it…”

She stopped just a step away, shifting her weight onto one hip and tilting her head to get a better look.Spencer instinctively straightened, feeling a strange tension along his spine.Earlier, he had been looking at what she was wearing. Now, what caught his attention was how she looked.

There’s a certain kind of beauty you never quite get used to, no matter how often you see it. The kind that, every time, knocks the air from your lungs for just a second—that fleeting disbelief that someone like this actually walks the earth.

She had it. She radiated it.

And she was just a step away.

She took the garment out of the bag. It was a red turtleneck sweater. She lifted it higher toward the light, furrowing her brow as she examined the stain.

Spencer’s gaze fell on her beautiful face, her eyes shimmering slightly, her lower lip slightly pursed in thought.

Suddenly, she scoffed, snapping him back to reality.

"Mystery solved, and I didn’t even need a microscope," she said, shoving the sweater back into his hands. As he took it, his fingers brushed against hers, catching him slightly off guard. "It’s foundation. I’d recognize that stain anywhere. So, hooray, happy to help, no need to put me in the case report, have a good night, and see you—"

He grabbed her wrist before she could step away, stopping her in place.

"This isn’t a joke," he said, his voice dropping, tinged with sudden irritation.She raised an eyebrow at both his tone and the way he—unintentionally—closed the distance between them. As usual, she looked him straight in the eyes, and as usual, it was hard not to be drawn in. But he tried, because this case was really consuming his thoughts. "Listen, I called you because I need someone to actually test it. Not just glance at it. It'll only take a moment, and then you can go back to crawling into bed with whoever you want. Can you do that?"

The second-to-last sentence made her expression shift slightly.

For a moment, they stood there, unwavering, eyes locked without so much as a blink. Then, the corners of her lips tugged upward—just barely. But it felt more like a forced gesture, an attempt to maintain her carefully practiced expression, rather than a sign of genuine amusement.

"Alright," she replied softly. Not to be mistaken for shyly. There was nothing shy about her, a fact he was reminded of constantly.

"I’ll test it, since it matters so much to you. And then I’m going back to bed." A slow blink before she yanked the sweater from his hands. "With whoever I want."

Why did swallowing suddenly stop being an automatic reflex and turn into something he had to consciously work through?

"That’s great," he said shortly, dryly. He could feel himself slipping into the trap again, letting her toy with him. "Have fun."

"I will."

With that simple assurance, she walked away, and the very particles of air around him seemed to loosen, finally allowing him to breathe again. He turned after her instinctively, the way a swivel chair spins when someone sets it in motion.

She crossed the lab table and leaned over an empty workstation—empty, like all the others. The entire width of the counter separated them now, along with the return of cool detachment to her face. Slowly, Spencer rested his hands on the smooth surface, watching as she got to work. Watching as her hair bounced slightly with the shift in position. Watching as her jaw tensed in concentration. Watching as she leaned over the workstation slightly.

"So," she began flatly, not pausing her work or even looking at him.

Spencer gave his head a small shake, realizing that this time, he really had been staring. At least she hadn’t seen it.

"What exactly am I testing?"

His gaze drifted to her again.

"Something related to the case."

"Wow, I never would've guessed."

He was too distracted to mentally slap himself for how pathetic he was. 

"Uh, it’s not exactly groundbreaking," he began.

He could focus—he just had to try hard enough. He just had to clear the lingering trace of her scent from when she’d stood so close. Had to shake off the echo of her words. With whoever I want, she had said. The more he thought about it, the more accurate it seemed. He firmly believed she could have whoever she wanted. With that confidence. With that face. With that body…

"That’s why I’m checking it after hours. Just, you know…backstory stuff…"

A sound escaped her lips—somewhere between a scoff of disbelief and a startled laugh. She looked at him—no, she pinned him with her gaze.

"Backstory stuff?" she repeated, her lips curling into a smile. Not even a mocking one anymore. She was genuinely amused. "Did you, Doctor Spencer Reid, when asked what the evidence pertains to, actually respond with backstory stuff…?"

“No, I…I mean…”

“Oh God, it’s a good thing they don’t put you in front of cameras. Imagine you, at a press conference. Just casually dropping backstory stuff on national television…”

“I can handle myself in front of cameras,” he clarified, feeling an odd warmth creep up the back of his neck. “But there aren’t any here. And besides, I didn’t realize you wanted me to recite the entire case file from memory…”

“That won’t be necessary,” she said with another amused snort. “Backstory stuff is actually a surprisingly accurate term. You know, very professional.”

He rolled his eyes, feigning irritation, though what he really felt was more akin to embarrassment.

“Speaking of professionalism, maybe you could get back to work?” he suggested.

“I don’t have to,” she replied, flashing him a sweet smile. “I already checked everything. And I was wrong. It’s not foundation—it’s nitroglycerin.”

Spencer’s jaw practically hit the floor.

For the first time since stepping into the lab, his mind was running at full capacity.

"Nitroglycerin? Are you sure?"

"Well, I don’t get these things wrong," she said, almost offended.

"Nitroglycerin," he repeated in a whisper.

Oh, for heaven’s sake. Suddenly, everything made sense.

She leaned her elbows on the table, watching him with interest.

He wanted to kiss her.

No—he did not—

"Thank you," he blurted out, her words becoming background noise as his thoughts raced. "Thank you for coming. This…this really helps. I have to tell the team—"

He turned toward the door, dazed by the realization.

Something stopped him.

"Spencer," she called gently.

She didn’t seem angry that he was leaving so abruptly. If anything, there was a certain soft glint in her eyes, a quiet fascination with his sudden revelation. Standing in the doorway, he looked at her one last time, feeling himself freeze in place again. He said nothing, sensing that she wanted to say something instead.

She tilted her head slightly.

"You owe me a favor," she said.

There was something about the way she said it—something that sent a slow, deliberate shiver down his spine. Not even a shiver. More like a careful march of cold fingertips down his vertebrae.

So, naturally, he did what any grown man with an IQ of 187 would do.

He parted his lips slightly and nodded.

[docrobinavitch]

but i stayed anyway

dr. robby x f!fiance!reader content: 18+ mdni, canon medical incidents (mci), shooting, mental health discussions, suicidal ideation words: 9.8k synopsis: takes place over the course of episodes 12-15. reader is a clinical psychologist who used to work in the hospital, but no longer does and is engaged to robby. robby calls reader to let her know about the shooting and asks that she not come... and guess what our reader does (: (as this is following alongside the events of episodes 12 through 15, please note that i borrowed some dialogue directly from the episodes.) a/n: hiiii besties!!! this fic is proof that democracy works 🤪 thank you for voting in my poll! the family trauma fic is soon to follow (hopefully). i listened to renegade by big red machine a lot while writing this, which to me may be the most robby coded song of all time. but yeah that's where the title comes from, if you were interested. thank you guys so much for all the love you've shown my writing the last month, i think it's time to get a masterlist up. love you, enjoy your weekend, and as always feel free to blow my inbox up.

It was almost 6PM when you were on your drive home from work that day. You thought about calling your fiancé, Michael, but figured he’d be off shift in an hour anyway. You were trying, and failing, not to be overbearing.

When he told you he intended to go to work today, you had feigned indifference, but he knew you and he heard the worry in your voice.

“Please don’t psychoanalyze me.” He said as he kissed you goodbye.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You said, “You said you’re good to work today so you’re good to work today. Just, um, maybe we could check in around lunch—?”

“Stop.” He said, sighing, “We talked about this.”

“Yeah, okay.” You said quickly, anxious to get him out of the house so you could fret in peace, “I’ll see you later.”

Once he was gone, you got yourself ready for work and did your best not to think about it too much. Him working on the anniversary of Adamson’s death. You were, after all, a clinical psychologist and so it had been… difficult to turn off your clinical instincts when Robby had been suffering so obviously the last few years.

You had suggested a referral to many a colleague, which he politely refused each time. Insisting he was fine while day after day you watched him slip further and further into an abyss.

You had gone so far as to text Kiara, the hospital social worker, about your concerns a few months ago. Robby had been livid about that. Barely spoke to you for days after.

Your fingers itched to call her on your way into work, but you really didn’t want to start off the weekend fighting with Robby.

So you stayed away. You didn’t text or call to check in during the day. However, when Jake had texted you earlier today asking if you wanted to stop by the ER with him around lunch, you nearly gave in.

Sorry, kid, too wrapped up with work today. But make sure you give him a hug for me!

You locked your phone and put it down after that, but then a minute later couldn’t stop yourself from sending an extra text:

Also couldn’t hurt to ask him how he is.

After it was sent you rested your head on your arms and sighed.

The rest of the day passed without incident. Jake had texted you that he seemed busy, but overall fine. You knew though that Jake’s perception of fine did not match yours. Besides which, Robby would have put on a show for him, a happy face. He’d never let Jake see the crushing grief that was just behind his eyes, if only you knew where to find it. You didn’t hear anything else for the rest of the day.

So when there was still an hour of Robby’s shift left and a picture of the two of you lit up your screen to indicate an incoming call, your heart rate picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, honey, I just wanted to let you know I’ll be home late tonight. I’m not sure how late yet.”

“Oh.” You waited for him to provide more information, but he didn’t. “Is everything okay?”

He sighed, “I don’t know. There’s an active shooter at Pitt Fest.”

“Oh, God—“ Your breath caught when you remembered your conversation with Jake earlier, “Jake’s there—“

“Yeah, do you think you could try getting in touch with him? I’ve tried calling, but it won’t go through.”

“Yeah, yeah of course.”

“And if you don’t mind, maybe call Janey too?”

“Yes. Whatever you need.” He was quiet on the other line for a moment. You badly wanted to ask him if he was okay, but knew the answer and also knew it would only piss him off, so you waited in the silence.

“Please don’t come here,” He said finally, “I know you think you can help—“

“I can help,” You said quickly, “Kiara’s going to be slammed, I’ve worked in the hospital before, I can—“

“You don’t want to be here for this.” He said firmly. You heard someone call his name in the background, “I have to go. You’ll let me know if you hear from Jake?”

“Yeah, of course. I love—“ The line went dead before you could finish your sentence.

That was fine. Your brain was entering crisis mode anyway. You dialed Jake as you drove, about three times with no luck. Trying to keep your own anxiety in check, you called Janey and let her know what was going on and to call you or Robby if she heard from Jake.

Robby didn’t want you at the hospital, you knew that, but there was simply no way in hell you were just going to go home and twiddle your thumbs while you waited to hear from him or Jake. You were sure he knew that, too.

So, after thinking it over for a minute, you made a U turn and dialed Kiara.

As you were walking in to the ER, you ran into Jack Abbot and exhaled a sigh of relief.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” He teased, throwing an arm over your shoulders.

“Oh, thank God you’re here too.”

“What are you doing here? You’re back at the hospital?”

“No, no, I just thought Kiara could use a hand tonight.”

He hummed, “Which roughly translates to you wanted to keep an eye on Robby.”

You feigned outrage, “Come on, Jack, I thought you’d be on my side about this.”

“I am on your side,” He laughed as you walked through the waiting room, “Why do you think I’m here?”

The two of you walked into Robby giving a pep talk to the ER staff. His face betrayed nothing when he saw the two of you, but just from looking at him it was immensely clear to you that the day had weighed on him. And now he still had miles to go.

“Brother, am I glad to see you.” He said to Abbot, pulling him into a hug.

“You,” He said, turning to you, “I specifically asked you not to come here.”

“Kiara asked me to come, and besides,” You lowered your voice, “You’re not the boss of me.”

He sighed and ran a hand over his face, “Have you heard from Jake?”

“No, I’m still trying. So is Janey.”

He nodded and then without preamble pulled you into his chest, “Thank you for coming.”

You exhaled in relief and tightened your arms around his waist, “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” You murmured, “I have to go find Kiara.”

He nodded and stepped away from you, immediately shifting back into leader mode. While you slipped away, you stopped at Dana’s side, gaping at her black eye.

“Oh my God, what the fuck happened to you?” You asked, hands coming up to her face.

“Oh, please, don’t start. I don’t have time.” She pulled you into a tight hug, “Glad you’re here though, regardless of what sad boy over there says, we could use all the help we can get.”

You smirked, “Sad boy?”

She waved you off, “Gen Z lingo, ask one of the med students.”

“Hey,” You grabbed her arm as she started to run off, “You’ll come get me if he seems… sadder than usual?”

She smiled, “Yeah, you got it.”

And then she was off and you disappeared into the chaos to find Kiara.

***

You had lost count of how many times you’d called Jake. You had talked to several family members, mostly just to ask them to be patient and be sure to upload any information about their missing family members.

But you had also had to inform a woman that her husband was dead. You had done this before, the hard thing, giving someone the worst news of their lives. It was a difficult balance to be empathetic enough that you didn’t come off cold and distant, but not so empathetic that you let it destroy you.

You still hadn’t mastered it. And the fact that no one could get in touch with Jake only made it worse. As soon as you could, you excused yourself to call him again.

It rang and rang and rang and when you reached his voicemail, you hung up, hands shaking.

It felt like hours before your phone went off with a text from Dana.

Jake’s here. He’s ok. Come find me.

The relief hit you so hard you felt yourself tearing up. Taking deep breaths, you headed back into the ER, looking for Dana.

You hadn’t been back here since everything started and the sight of all the patients, the blood on the floor, nearly made you sick. You stood there, frozen in place, listening to the crying and medical jargon being shouted and wondered, not for the first time, how the fuck Robby did this all day long. You knew from experience it wasn’t normally like this, but after only a couple of hours in the ER, you had always been anxious to leave it. You never understood how anyone could do a full 12 hour shift here.

“Good, there you are.” Dana said, coming to your side, “Jake’s good, he was shot in the leg, but they’ve stopped the bleeding he’s stable.”

“Oh, thank God. Has anyone called Janey?”

Dana nodded, “She’s on her way here. But, Leah, Jake’s girlfriend,” Dana sighed and shook her head, “It’s not good. Robby’s working on her.”

You nodded, “Okay, well, that’s encouraging. Robby’s the best chance she has.”

Dana nodded, “Yeah, I’m more so worried that she was a lost cause when she got in here and Robby’s been working on her for… Well, longer than he should be in a mass casualty. Anyone else and he would’ve called it minutes ago.”

You saw where she was going with this. Leah was dead. But Robby would kill himself to bring Leah back, to not have to tell Jake he couldn’t save her. And all of this was happening on the day Adamson had died.

“Also,” Dana added, “I don’t know the details, but him and Langdon had a falling out today. He sent the kid home.”

You frowned, “What d’you mean, Langdon’s right there?” You pointed behind her to Langdon who was working on a patient.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be shitting me.” She sighed, “Okay, well, don’t tell Robby you saw him. He’s gonna lose his shit when he sees him.”

You sighed and brought your hands together, “Okay. I’m going to go talk to Jake and then I’m gonna see what I can do about… Leah.”

“Thank you,” Dana said, “You’re an angel.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, it’s a long shot he’ll listen to me.”

“Have a little faith, yeah?” And then Dana disappeared.

Closing your eyes, you breathed slowly a few times, psyching yourself up to go find Jake, and then you forced yourself to move.

You found Jake alone, on a gurney in the hallway, phone in hand and tears still wet on his cheeks.

“Oh, Jake, baby,” He looked up at the sound of your voice and his arms opened to you immediately. You wrapped him up, holding him as tightly as you could.

“Leah was shot,” He cried.

“I know, I know, I heard.”

“Robby’s with her, do you know how she is?”

You shook your head, “I just got in here, but I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”

“Could you stay with me? Just until my mom gets here?”

Oh, your heart was shattering in your chest with every second that passed. You closed your eyes for a second, “I have to go handle something, but I promise I will be right back, okay?”

He nodded, “Yeah, okay. And you’ll see about Leah?”

“Yeah, of course.” You squeezed his hand and kissed the top of his head and then you were moving again.

The level of carnage was absolutely stunning and in your head you had to keep repeating to yourself over and over Find Robby. Find Robby. Find Robby. In order to keep your head on straight.

And then you saw him, in front of the hub, perched on top of the gurney like a man tied to the pyre at the center of town. You wondered idly how long he had been performing compressions. Nurses surrounding the gurney, carrying out orders as he spewed them out. All of them had the same look on their face, like they were placating a child who could not quite seem to grasp that their dog had died.

“Fuck.” You muttered.

“Good, you’re here. Maybe he’ll listen to you.” Abbot appeared behind you.

“I don’t know that he will,” You swallowed, “He’s been pushing me away for weeks.” The intensity of the situation they were in, of seeing Jake, and now his girlfriend, dead beneath Robby’s hands brought tears to your eyes.

“You have to try.” Abbot said quietly, and then he buried himself back into the fray.

You blinked the tears away rapidly and then tentatively stepped towards the gurney. You looked down at Leah’s body, all the tubes coming out of her, the gaping wound in her chest, “Robby.” You said softly and looked up.

His eyes flicked to yours quickly, then back to Leah, “It’s Jake’s girlfriend.”

“I know.” He continued compressions and gave more orders out to the nurses that you didn’t quite understand, “How long has she been down?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I thought—I thought we had a pulse for a second.”

You nodded, “But her heart stopped a long time ago, didn’t it?”

His eyes flicked up to yours again and you saw the layers of pain there that had been ripped up, likely all day long. All culminating in this girl, this one girl he couldn’t save. That he would have never been able to save, even on a good day. And despite all the people he had already helped save today and the dozens he would save after, he would never let go of Leah.

He looked back down at Leah, “It’s Jake’s… She’s Jake’s…”

“I know, baby,” You said softly, “Have you tried everything?”

“We gave her so much blood… We transfused some of her own blood… But the bullet it… It tore through her heart…”

“That sounds like you did everything you could,” You said gently, and you felt your own tears aching at the back of your throat, “It sounds like you gave Leah the best chance you possibly could have. If this didn’t work then nothing would have.” He’s still doing compressions, grimacing as he does, “Why don’t we check her pulse one more time, okay?”

He looks up at you again, your eyes pleading for him to climb off the gurney, his eyes pleading with you not to make him give up on Leah. You lift a hand up to him, a silent offering: You don’t have to do it alone.

He looked back down at Leah for another moment and you saw him fighting with himself. And then he reached for you. His gloved, blood soaked hand wrapped around yours tightly and the weight on your chest lessened marginally.

“Sophie, could you take over compressions for a moment? Dana, do you have the doppler?”

“Yeah.”

“Has it been tested?”

“No.”

Robby let go of your hand and took the doppler from Dana, quickly checking it on his own wrist. “Ok, it’s working.” He said when the sound of his own pulse echoed. “Hold compressions.”

You held your breath when he held the doppler to Leah’s neck. The silence was deafening and you bit the inside of your cheek so hard you tasted blood. But you kept watching Robby, never looking away from him.

“Ok.” He said finally, and you heard the tears in his throat, “That’s it, we’re done.”

He put the doppler away and wrote the time of death on her wrist chart and pulled the blanket up and over her head. You reached out for his hand again, fully expecting him to push you away, but he took it, holding it like a lifeline.

“I can tell Jake.” You said softly.

“No,” He said, shaking his head, “It’s okay, I’ll do it.”

“Robby—“

He squeezed your hand once before dropping it, turning his attention elsewhere, “You should wash your hands.”

You looked down at your hands, and sure enough, they were covered in Leah’s blood from where Robby had held them.

“Thank you,” Dana said, coming up behind you, “I wasn’t sure he was ever going to stop.”

You inhale shakily, “Don’t thank me yet. He still has to tell Jake.”

You excuse yourself before she can reply, heading straight for the bathroom. The crying starts before you’ve even fully closed the door, and then when you see the bloody footprints and the blood in the sink, you only cry harder.

You thought about Jake, about how he had told you about Leah just a couple weeks ago. The two of you giggling while he showed you pictures of her, told you about the music she loved and the TV she watched. Now you're washing her blood down the sink.

You watch the pink water and suds flow from your hands down the drain and wait for your breathing to level.

After drying off your hands, you sniffle, and then steeling yourself you walk back into the ER— And straight into Kiara.

“Hey, I was looking for you. We got a couple more positive IDs in the morgue and the families are here.” She looks at you more closely, noting your red eyes and wet cheeks, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just… Jake’s girlfriend just died, so.” You cleared your throat, “But I’m good, I’m ready.”

She gave you a knowing look, “You’re sure?”

You shrugged and looked around, “You can’t fully process an event like this until it’s over. The only way out is through and all that. So I’m good.”

Jake was waiting for you, you remembered, but you couldn’t face him right now. Couldn’t lie to him when you had watched Robby pull that blanket up over Leah’s head.

“Alright.” Kiara said, and the two of you began walking back to the cafeteria.

***

After helping Kiara with two family notifications, you excused yourself back to the ER, wanting to check on Robby and Jake.

Walking back into the chaos was just as upsetting the second time. You clenched your fists as you walked through, looking for Robby or Dana or Abbot. The first person your eyes found was Abbot, monitoring a patient and talking a resident through a procedure.

“Hey,” You said, walking up to him, “Have you seen Robby?”

He looked up from his patient and looked around, “Hey Dana?” He shouted, “You seen Robby?”

“No,” She called back, “I was just about to ask you the same.”

“Shit,” You murmured and started walking again.

“Y/N?” Dana called.

“Yeah, I’m on it.” You called as you passed her.

You opened every room, asked every doctor and nurse you passed, but no one had seen him.

Finally, you overheard someone mention that they were using the Peds room as a makeshift morgue and it clicked.

Robby didn’t talk to you much about the pandemic or about Adamson afterwards, but when he had been in it. When he came home on this day four years ago, he had been so distraught, so desperate, he had tried at first to talk about it. And you remembered how he explained to you that they put Adamson in Peds for lack of space. It had really stuck with him, for some reason, that Adamson had died in Peds.

If now the morgue was in Peds. And Leah was in the morgue. And Robby was the one who took her there. Well, it didn’t take a genius to figure out why no one could find Robby.

You walked quickly, occasionally stopping to ask for directions or to see if anyone had seen Robby. Langdon was the most helpful, saying he saw Robby go in the morgue with Jake and then Jake came out, but not Robby.

“Hey, what’s going on with the two of you today?” You asked.

“Me and Robby?” He looked around as if to see if anyone else was listening, “Why, what have you heard? Did he say something to you?”

You raised your eyebrows, “No, but Dana said he sent you home hours ago.”

He ran a hand through his hair, “It was a misunderstanding.”

You nod and then shrug, “Okay.”

“Are you analyzing me or something?”

You give a short laugh and then start backing away from him, “Are you paying me? I don’t analyze for free, Frank. I’m very expensive.”

You were hoping to get more from Langdon on what was going on. It was becoming more and more apparent that a lot of shit had happened today during Robby’s shift even before the shooting.

But, you didn’t have time for that, you supposed. You’d have to go in blind, trust your instincts, hope to God you don’t say the wrong thing to push him away.

And when you walk into Peds, you realize just how in over your head you are.

Robby’s on the ground, Star of David necklace clutched in his hand, eyes closed tight as he shakily murmured to himself in Hebrew.

You had never seen him pray before. He had struggled with his faith after the passing of his grandmother and ever since working in the ER. As long as you’d known him, his relationship with God had been tenuous or nonexistent.

So if he was praying right now, well, that scared the shit out of you.

You lowered yourself to the ground in front of him, not touching him or saying anything, just wanting him to know you were there.

After a few moments of you sitting in front of him, his breathing just starting to level and the tears slowing, you tried to find the right thing to say. Nothing you said, you knew, would fully be able to help him process whatever this was. Whatever had happened in here with him and Jake. That was for another time.

It went against everything you were taught as a clinician to push Robby back into the work when that was the reason he was on this floor, wrecked beyond recognition. But people were dying out there. And more would die if you couldn’t manage to pull him out of the riptide.

“I heard one of your interns just did a REBOA without supervision.” His eyes darted to yours at that, “I don’t know what that means, but everyone seems pretty pissed about it.”

“What is this?” He asked, voice gravelly.

“What?”

“You’re not going to ask if I’m okay or ask me how it makes me feel that Leah’s dead and Jake blames me?”

Ah. Well, that certainly explained the situation they were in. The straw that broke the camel’s back was Jake. The closest thing he had to a son, rejecting him in his lowest moment and reaffirming every untrue belief he held about himself.

You shook your head, “I think it’s pretty clear you’re not fucking okay. None of us are okay right now.” You glanced over your shoulder through the glass door, “I could give you the heartfelt pep talk if you want, about how I know you’re the best doctor in this whole damn hospital and how I know if you couldn’t save Leah no one could and how I know Jake loves you even if he’s angry and hurting. But I don’t think you’re in the space to receive that right now.”

His breathing was shaky and he fiddled with his necklace, not looking at you anymore. You weren’t sure if you were blowing it or not, but this was the best you could do right now without falling apart yourself.

“What I think you need to hear right now is that people are still dying out there. People who are loved, who have families, just like Leah did. And they need you.”

He shook his head, sobbing, “I can’t.”

Your eyes watered and you swiped a tear from your cheek hurriedly, frustrated at yourself for crying, “I know that’s how it feels. But I also know you’ll never forgive yourself if you leave your department out there to fend for themselves all night while you sit in here.” You sniffed, “And I’m really gonna need you to forgive yourself for this someday, Michael.”

At that, he did look up at you. The unspoken words in what you were saying. You loved this man with every beat of your heart. But you weren’t sure how much longer it could go on like this. You, desperately trying to throw him a life vest and him actively swimming further away from you.

He needed to want to get better and you weren’t sure how to make him want it, to see that this was unsustainable and destroying him. And he was pulling you down with him.

Eyes glittering with tears, you rose to your feet and reached a hand out to him for the second time that day.

He looked back down at the floor for a moment and your heart sank, but then you felt the brush of his fingers on your palm. You swallowed down a sob that threatened to choke you and gripped his hand, helping him off the floor.

Once he was at his full height, you brought your hands to either side of his face and gently pulled him to you, pressing kisses to his cheeks and forehead before resting your head to his.

His breathing wavered only slightly as he rested his own hands at the base of your neck.

“Okay?” You asked tentatively after you’d both been standing there like that for a few moments.

He swallowed and nodded, “Yeah.”

As you stepped away from him, your hand trailed down his arm until you were just holding his hand. You squeezed once and he squeezed back. You dropped his hand as you turned for the door and you felt his hand at the small of your back as the two of you left Peds.

Things seemed to be beginning to slow down now. You watched from a distance as Robby breezed by you, pulled off his bloody robe and encouraged his residents. As if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t been destroyed just moments ago. It was astounding to you, the way he could so quickly shift gears.

But then, as he was putting on a new robe, Gloria appeared. You stepped closer to the hub and watched the exchange anxiously. You almost turned and walked away as things seemed to be going okay, but then the conversation shifted to discussions of unscreened blood donors and a shooter with a hit list and then Robby exploded.

“Jesus Gloria!”

You were shoulder to shoulder with Abbot when he lost it and your breath caught, “Your turn.” You murmured to Jack and backed yourself into a chair next to Dana at the hub.

“Hey, get some air, brother.” Abbot said as soon as Robby was close enough, “Go check on triage.”

When he disappeared out the ambulance bay doors, you rested your head in your hands.

“Should we be worried about him?” Abbot asked as he walked around the hub.

“Yes,” You said, “Everyone should be very, very worried about him.”

“Awesome,” Jack sighed and went back to see more patients.

You kept an eye on the ambulance bay, tears still constantly threatened to spill over. You wanted to go home, but not if Robby didn’t come with you.

“It’s slowing down, right?” You asked Dana, eyes shining as she turned to you.

She gave you a sad smile and squeezed your shoulder, “Yeah, kid. It’ll be over soon.”

***

You had sat with Jake after that until Janey came. You had squished yourself into his non-injured side and rested your head on top of his.

“You know Robby would’ve traded his life for Leah’s in a second if he could have. He would’ve done anything to not see you hurt like this.” You said gently.

Jake had sat there quietly so you had decided not to push. The two of you sat in silence for a while.

You watched Robby whenever he passed by and almost without fail, his eyes fell to Jake whenever he passed. You had heard there was a measles case in the ER. Not contagious, but it was something Robby had said to you months ago he feared the most. That this anti vaccination trend was going to boil over and sooner or later, diseases like the measles that had largely been eradicated, would return. You couldn’t believe this was happening today of all days.

When Janey got to Jake, you reluctantly left him.

“Oh, please, don’t leave on my account,” Janey said smiling, “I really appreciate you staying with him.”

“Please, it’s my pleasure,” You squeezed Jake’s hand again before climbing off his gurney, “But I really have to go find Robby and see if I can drag him home. He might collapse soon if he doesn’t get out of here.” You turned back to Jake, “You’ll text me if you need anything, right? I mean anything.”

He shrugged, “Sure, whatever.”

You knew he was acting this way probably because he saw you as an extension of Robby. And it sucked. You loved Jake. Had loved him for years now, since he was just a little kid. It would pass, you told yourself. It had to.

“Janey,” You pulled her off a little away from Jake, “This is not unsolicited advice, just an offer from a friend: I would be happy to refer him to a colleague if at any point you think he needs to talk to someone.”

Janey gave you a watery smile, “Thank you.”

“You have my number?” She nods, “Okay. Well, please, if either of you need anything, Robby and I are just a call away.”

Janey nodded, “And also not unsolicited advice, just the observation of a friend, but I’m worried about Robby. You’ll make sure he’s alright, right?”

You looked down at your hands, at the ring on your finger, then looked back up at Janey, “Right now I can’t see past the next hour or so, but I am trying my damnedest to keep him above water.”

Janey nodded and squeezed your hand before you headed back towards the hub. As you were heading there, though, you thought you heard Robby’s voice yelling coming from the elevators.

You locked eyes with Dana, and frowning, slowly turned towards the direction of the yelling. You walked down a hallway to find Robby in a heated discussion with Dr. Shen, but when his eyes landed on you he disengaged.

“While I am glad that you are… functioning again,” You said quietly, “If you keep screaming at people, I’m gonna need to forcibly bring you home.”

He had a hand on your shoulder as he steered you through the ER, “You should go home,” He said, “Nothing else for you to do here, Kiara doesn’t need you anymore, I’ll be home in a couple of hours.”

“No,” You said immediately, “No, I’m sorry, I’m not leaving here without you. If you want me to leave, you’ll have to come with me.”

He sighed, “I wish you wouldn’t make this so difficult.”

You bit your lip to stop it from wobbling, “And I wish you’d stop pushing me away.”

He stares at you for a few moments, opening his mouth as if to argue when there’s a commotion at the hub that has you both turning.

“Is that… Is McKay…?” You start, but Robby’s already walking. You follow, but keep your distance, listening as he puts the cops in their place.

The pride flared in your chest, as it always does. This is the man you fell in love with, the one who stood up for what he believed in, for his students and staff, regardless of the cost.

When it’s done and they let McKay go, Gloria is back. You watch with some tension as Robby reports the status of all the mass casualty patients. But there’s no further incident and Robby walks past you on his way to another patient, “Go home.” He whispers as he walks by.

You tried not to let it hurt, how he seemed to be desperate for you to go away. But after the way the last few hours had unfolded, it was getting difficult. You parked yourself at the hub, trying to contain your sniffling as you again looked at the ring on your finger.

He was having an astronomically hard day, you knew. But had the two of you not made a great team? Weren’t you the only one who could get through to him when everything around him seemed to be crumbling?

“Hey, kid,” Dana said softly and pushed a cup of coffee your way, “You doing okay?”

You tried to smile, but nearly broke, “Fine, I’ll be fine. And you?”

She gave a short laugh, “I’ve seen better days.”

You sipped the coffee Dana had given you, “I hear that.”

***

You tried not to seem too eager the next time you saw Robby at the hub. He tells Dana that he’s stepping outside with a sandwich and a juice box, and then you feel his shadow above you, and look up, “Dana says you look like you’re experiencing an existential crisis.”

You nod, “Probably a normal reaction to what we’ve all experienced here tonight. Unlike some people in this place I don’t see experiencing the normal range of human emotions as a character flaw.”

He nodded slowly, “Is there anything I can say to get you out of here?”

You almost laughed, “Can I ask you a question? Is the insistence on getting me out of here out of concern for my emotional well being or is it just because you know I’m the only person here who can truly help you and you don’t think you deserve help?”

“And if it’s both?” He locked his red rimmed eyes with yours and gave you a sad smile.

A rare bit of honesty and it floored you. You reached for his hand, “Robby—“

“I need some air and to eat,” He said backing away, “We’ll leave soon, I promise.”

You watched him disappear into the ambulance bay, having to physically restrain yourself from following. But then, you watched Langdon follow after him.

“Oh, no.” You sighed. You debated with yourself for about thirty seconds whether or not to follow, “Fuck it.” You muttered to yourself and then followed them outside.

“—I was never high, I was just treating my own withdrawal symptoms—“

“Which you should’ve done under the care and supervision of a physician.”

Oh, fuck. You stopped walking just past the ambulance bay doors, unsure if maybe you should go back inside.

“You could’ve come to me, but instead now you could face felony charges for stealing controlled substances from a hospital.”

Holy shit. You had thought the whole thing with Langdon earlier today must’ve been related to patient care or maybe the new residents or med students. But this was much, much more than a disagreement about care or teaching methods.

“You need help.”

“What about you, man? I’m not the only one fucked up here! Look in the mirror!”

You squeezed your eyes shut. Perhaps you should go back inside. This was only going to get worse.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You heard the edge in Robby’s voice. The frustration, the exhaustion, the disappointment. He was practically begging Frank to say the quiet part out loud so he’d have an excuse to explode.

“I never had a complete meltdown.”

“No, you just cause them in other people.”

This was past the point of being a productive conversation, but you knew if you intervened you’d probably just make it worse.

“You’re blaming me for what happened to you?”

“What happened to me? What happened to me?! Oh, you are so full of shit. You let me down! You let everybody down! Especially yourself.”

Robby turned to walk back inside and you started to as well, but then Frank spoke again.

“Somebody saw you in Peds.”

Robby stopped cold. You couldn’t watch this anymore. You moved to go grab Robby, wanting to drag him inside, but he was already walking back to Frank, “Who? Y/N?”

You looked down at your shoes and tried not to feel betrayal. That he thought you would tell anyone about how you had found him, in his most vulnerable state.

“No, a night shift nurse saw you on the floor. Said it looked like—“

“Looked like what? LOOKED LIKE WHAT?!” You flinched and blew out a slow breath between your lips. “This job will fuck you up if you let it. You let it.”

Robby started walking again, still not having seen you.

“Yeah, I wasn’t the one talking to cartoon animals in Peds.”

“FUCK. YOU.” Robby shouted as he kept walking back towards the ER.

When he laid eyes on you, he almost stopped in his tracks. He shook his head and sighed, walking past you, “This is exactly why you shouldn’t be here.” He said as you followed him inside, “You shouldn't have heard that.”

“He is desperate,” You said quickly, a long shot attempt at damage control, “And experiencing withdrawal, I know you know what that does to people. He didn’t mean any of that.”

“You doing okay, man?” Abbot asked as the two of you approached the hub.

“Why do you keep asking me that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, you did take the parent of a patient into our makeshift morgue, never mind that it’s technically a fucking crime scene. That’s just not cool, man.”

Robby didn’t deny this, and you slowly turned to him, horror clear on your face, “Okay, you are done with patients today. Do you hear me?” He wouldn’t look at you, pretending to be very focused the chart in front of him, “Robby.” You said sharply.

Finally he looked up at you. “I know,” He said softly, “You’re right. I’m done.”

Just then Gloria came down, talking about getting Robby and Abbot in front of a press conference. It was absolutely inconceivable to you that after what had happened here today Gloria had the fucking audacity to ask for more from her doctors, but Robby must’ve sensed you were about to tell her as much because he gently put an arm in front of you and pushed you behind him.

“Trust me, Gloria, you don’t want me speaking to the press right now.”

“Or ever.” Abbot added.

After Gloria’s little speech about ER cowboy nonsense, Ellis shouted some sort of medical jargon about a patient that had both Robby and Abbot’s head shooting up.

“What the fuck?” Abbot murmured, exasperated.

To your dismay, Robby began following him, “Robby!” You called after him, “No more patients!”

“Yeah,” He called back, “I’ll just be a second.” And he disappeared behind the trauma room door.

“Unbelievable.” You sighed and watched Robby anxiously from the hub, biting at your cuticles anxiously.

A few minutes later, he came back out and started talking to Dana as he stood next to you. As he did so, he pulled your hand from your mouth to stop you from biting, holding your hand within both of his.

“Could you please find the remaining day shift so I can do a quick debrief and we can all go home?”

Dana nodded and was off and then Robby sighed heavily. Feeling brave now that he had grabbed your hand on his own, you stood in front of him.

“Hey,” You said softly, “Come here.”

To your surprise, he allowed your touch, in fact, he buried his face in your shoulder of his own volition. You lightly scratched the back of his head and turned your head inward just slightly so you could press kisses to his skin, “Everything’s going to be okay.” You said softly.

He nodded into your shoulder before gently pulling away from you and rubbing a hand over his face.

The day shift had gathered and he released your hand to walk around the front and give the debrief.

The speech was hard to listen to, the emotion in Robby’s voice unmistakable.

“None of us are gonna forget today.” He voice faltered and he rubbed at the tears in his eyes, “even if we really really want to. So, go home. Let yourselves cry. You’ll feel better. It’s just… Grief… Leaving the body.”

You swiped at your own tears as Robby finished and headed off. You immediately walked after him, following him to the memorial wall where Adamson’s portrait was.

You slowed your walk as you approached him, “He would’ve been so proud of everything you did here today.” You said softly.

Robby sniffed and nodded, “I wish he had been here.”

You nodded, “He would’ve made the same decision you did, you know? To take him off the ECMO.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, maybe.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek, “If it had been you, instead… And it was one of your students who extubated. Would you have wanted them to blame themselves like this?”

He sighed heavily, screwing his eyes shut tight.

“If it had been Heather, or Samira, …or Frank? What would you tell them?” He didn’t answer the question, which was fine. It was rhetorical, you both knew what he would say. It would sound a lot like what he had just told them all after this shift from hell. You nudged your shoulder with his, “It’s time you start showing yourself that same grace, hm?” You said gently.

He nodded and then turned to look at you. The grief had settled into his face. He had had these sad, weary eyes the entire night. “Thank you for coming today.” He said, “I know I don’t say it enough, that I push you away when I need you most—“

“It’s okay,” You said softly, “We don’t have to do this now. Not until you’ve slept and eaten. Okay?”

He nodded, blinking away the tears. He looked back towards central, “I just want to check in on Jake and then we can go.”

“Okay,” You intertwined your fingers with his, “I’ll come with you.”

The two of you walk back in to central and head towards North Three, where Jake is with Janey. As you get closer, you let go of his hand, standing just behind him as he looked at Janey and Jake, “How are we doing?”

“We’re doing okay,” Janey said and turned to Jake, “Right?”

Jake didn’t say anything and so Robby went on, “I know that this is difficult. This is gonna hurt for a long time and it’s okay if you wanna blame me. Just, please don’t blame yourself. We’ve been friends for a long time, I would hate it—“

“No we’re not friends,” Jake spat, “And you’re not my father so fuck off.”

Robby stood there frozen. You couldn’t see his face, but you could only imagine the devastation he felt even if he wasn’t showing it on his face. Your hands itched to reach for his so you clasped them in front of you instead.

“Jake.” Janey admonished, but Robby was already walking away.

“Robby,” It was Donnie now stopped him as he was walking away, “Parents of Jake’s girlfriend, Leah, are here. I put them in the viewing room.”

Robby nodded and affectionately patted Donnie on the shoulder.

“Wait, Robby,” You walked quickly to catch up to him, “I’m going with you.”

“No,” He said quickly.

“I wasn’t asking.”

He stopped and turned back to you, “You don’t work here anymore, the fact that you even helped Kiara today I know I’m gonna get shit about from Gloria—“

“Screw Gloria!” You hissed, “I mean, since when do you give a fuck what she thinks anyway? I can help.”

He sighed, “Don’t fight me on this.” He said finally, “You won’t win.”

And then he turned on his heel and left. Christ, he was so fucking frustrating today.

“Um, Dr. Y/L/N?”

You turned at the unfamiliar voice who was addressing you with such formality. She was a tiny brunette, her hair tied back in a short ponytail, and ice blue eyes.

“Y/F/N is fine.” You said, perplexed that someone you didn’t know was addressing you as Doctor. You hadn’t worked at the hospital in so long, most of the people here now simply knew you as Robby’s fiancée and either forgot or didn’t know about your PhD.

“Sorry to bother you, I’m Dr. Trinity Santos. I’m one of Dr. Robby’s new residents. I heard you used to work here? Do psych consults in the ED?”

You nodded, “Yeah, not just here, every floor. But because of the nature of the ER I was here pretty frequently. What can I do for you, Dr. Santos?”

“I have an overdose who came in from Pitt Fest and I’ve confirmed it was a suicide attempt… It’ll likely be days before he gets up to psych. I was just wondering if maybe you could have a conversation with him? Maybe point him in the direction of resources outside of the hospital?”

“Um,” You looked towards the door Robby had just left through, then back to Trinity, “Yeah. Of course. Lead the way.”

***

You sighed as you walked out of the patient’s room with Dr. Santos, “That was a really good catch on your part,” You said to her, “He seemed like a really tough egg to crack, but you got through to him. Really excellent work for an intern, Dr. Santos. Keep it up.”

She beamed at you, “Thank you. And thank you for talking to him, I really think it’ll make a difference.”

“Anytime,” You said and then turned to head back towards the viewing room.

Seeing that patient with Dr. Santos reminded you of what you missed about working at the hospital. You loved collaborating with other clinicians and physicians on a case, the team work and multiple perspectives it brought. Now, you mostly worked on your own for any given case, unless you really needed advice. But the work was more solitary now, which could be quite isolating.

As awful as tonight had been, you realized you really missed being apart of a team.

“Hey, Abbot,” You called to Jack as you got to the hub, “Have you seen Robby? He was notifying Leah’s parents, but then someone grabbed me for a consult and now I don’t see him anywhere.”

“Consult?” He tugged on the stethoscope around his neck, “I thought you don’t work here anymore?”

You tilted your head a bit, “What’re you gonna do, tell Gloria on me?” He gave a short laugh, “Seriously though, Robby?”

He sighed, “I haven’t seen him since the debrief.”

“Okay,” You tried not to panic, but you knew he must be in bad shape. But he wouldn’t go home without you, “Is there a place he goes when he’s upset? Do you think he’s just getting some air out in the ambulance bay or—“

“The roof.” Abbot said.

“Excuse me?”

Abbot scratched the back of his head, “The roof, we go to the roof sometimes to… contemplate.”

You stared at him for a moment and then scoffed, “You ER physicians and your suicidal ideation,” You pushed off the hub and started backing away, “I have half a mind to get you all admitted to psych on 72 hour holds.”

Jack laughed, “Yeah, good luck finding the beds.”

You took a brisk pace heading up to the roof and by the time you got there, you were out of breath. Stepping out into the Pittsburgh night air, you took a deep breath. Everything was going to be okay. The sun would rise again tomorrow. The world would keep spinning. Life would go on.

Your eyes fell to Robby, standing over the railing and far too close to the edge of the building.

And you would get Robby off this roof, safely.

You approached the railing slowly and quietly, but he heard you, his head turned slowly in your direction before he turned back to the skyline, “You shouldn’t be up here.”

“Neither should you,” You leaned on the railing, “Abbot implied you come up here a lot, though.”

He shrugged, “Maybe I just like the view.” He said, but he sniffled.

You hummed, “It is quite lovely up here.”

You swung your leg over the railing and Robby swore as he grabbed you, making sure to stabilize you before your feet got their bearings. When it seemed like you weren’t going to go flying over the edge, he released you.

“It’s you and Jake.” He murmured after the two of you had stood silently for a few moments.

You frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Every time I come up here,” He rubbed at his eyes, “I think about it. Just taking that extra step over the ledge. But I never do, because I think about leaving you and Jake and I can’t do that. But now, Jake...” He shook his head and scratched the back of his head.

“Jake loves you,” You said, “He just needs time. And you’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

He shook his head, “And how long until I fuck that up for good, too?”

You inhale deeply, “You know, self fulfilling prophecies are a real thing. So if you convince yourself that you’re going to lose me, chances are you’ll continue to behave in ways that’ll make you lose me.”

He turned to look at you, “I really don’t like when you use your clinical brain to describe our relationship.”

“Sorry. It’s a defense mechanism. Knowing what’s happening and why makes me feel like I can fix it.” You sighed, “You know you can’t keep going like this, right?”

He nodded, tears tracing paths down his cheeks, “I shut down. The moment everybody needed me the most I couldn’t do it. I choked.”

You frowned, “That’s not how I remember it.”

“You know damn well I broke.”

“You didn’t break. You fell apart for a couple minutes, so fucking what? Any other feeling person in your position would have done the same. It’s a strength, not a weakness.” He was shaking his head, “106 people get to go home because of your leadership. I think that more than outweighs the two minutes you took to cry.”

You climbed over the railing and held out a hand to him, “Now I’d like to go home, if you have no further objections.”

You watched his shoulders heave shakily for a few moments before he finally turned and grabbed your hand.

***

Walking through the threshold of the home you shared with Robby nearly made you fall to your knees after the last several hours in the hospital. It was messy, neither of you had had a chance to clean in a while. Unopened mail piled on the console table. Books strewn haphazardly around the living room. A half done crocheting project you had started a week ago was abandoned on the couch. Robby’s toolbox sat, opened by the door to the guest room that he had attempted to replace the doorknob on, but never finished. The dishwasher was full and clean, needing to be emptied and reloaded with the dirty dishes that sat in the sink.

Regardless of the mess, you felt the tension start to ebb out of your body as the warm lights lit up a path to the living room. Unceremoniously, you threw some books and a stray remote out of the way before turning to Robby and forcing him to sit on the couch,

“I’m going to run you a bath,” You said, “Think about what you want to order for takeout?”

“I’m not hungry.” He said, and then reached for you, pulling you straight on top of him.

You chuckled, “Let me go run the bath for you, please?”

He wrapped his arms tightly around you, securing you to his chest, and he kissed your hair, “Just stay with me for a few minutes?”

The smell of him and the feel of his arms around you were more than a bit enticing, unfortunately. You sank into him, pressing your nose into his neck, “Fine. But only a few minutes.”

The rhythm of his breathing, of his heart beat against your skin, lulled you into that place just between waking and dreaming. You hummed, “If I don’t get up now, I’m gonna fall asleep.”

“Would that be so bad?” His voice was thick with exhaustion.

You yawned, “Yes, actually. Your back will be absolutely fucked tomorrow if you fall asleep on this couch.”

You pushed yourself off him and he rubbed his hands over his face. After starting the bath, you went to the fridge and pulled out a container of left over pasta. Grabbing a fork, you took the cold pasta back to the couch and took a bite. You speared a few more noodles and put it in front of Robby’s mouth.

He looked up at you with annoyance, “I said I wasn’t hungry.”

“Just a couple bites, please.”

He sighed heavily, but opened his mouth and watched as you grinned with satisfaction as you fed him the cold pasta.

A few minutes later you put the pasta away and checked on the bath, which was now full. Turning off the water, you headed back to the living room. Robby was still lying on the couch, eyes red rimmed as he stared at the ceiling.

“Come on, baby,” You said softly, holding out your hand, “Bath’s ready.”

He wordlessly took your hand, allowed you to lead him into the bathroom. He watched you carefully as you helped him take off his clothes. “Are you okay?” He asked, softly enough that you weren’t sure you heard him correctly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said quickly, but he stilled you by gently grabbing your wrists.

“Look at me,” Your eyes flicked up to his, “Are you okay?” He asked again.

You blinked rapidly to dispel the burning that was quickly accumulating at the back of your eyes, “I’ll be fine.” You said slowly and nodded your head towards the bath, “Get in, please, before it gets cold.”

He let your non answer pass for the moment, but you knew he wasn’t going to let it go. As much as your persistence on his own well being irritated him, he could be the same way when you were clearly unwell and not being honest about it.

“Get in with me.” He said, already tugging at your clothes.

You sighed, “This is for you, I’m trying to take care of you.”

“Yes,” He smiled tightly, unbuttoning your pants and gently tugging down, “And I want you in the bath with me. Okay?”

You could feel your eyes beginning to water, which is exactly what you didn’t want. You wanted, needed, desperately to focus on the act of taking care of Michael so that you wouldn’t fall apart. And now he was shifting the focus.

He lowered himself in first and then held out a hand for you, helping as you lowered yourself in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around your waist and gently pulled until your back was flush to his chest.

Your eyes fluttered shut as he kissed the side of your neck, “Thank you,” He murmured against your skin, “For not giving up on me today even though I was a bit of a jerk to you.”

“I know you don’t mean it,” You said, “Most of the time when you push me away it’s because you think you don’t deserve the help, not because you don’t want it.”

You both listened to the drip of the faucet for a few moments in silence before he spoke, “I think I’d like to start seeing a therapist.” He said slowly, “If you know a guy.”

The corners of your lips inched up just slightly, “I’ve had a whole roster ready for you for about two years now, take your pick. I’ll print out a list tomorrow.”

He hummed, “I don’t want to lose you,” He said slowly, “And I know if you were anyone else, you likely would’ve been out that door years ago. So, I’m…” He takes a deep, shuddering breath and you place a hand on his thigh beneath the water, squeezing encouragingly, “I’m going to get better. I’m going to be the man you deserve.”

You were encouraged by him finally admitting that something was wrong. He had never done that before. He had never asked you for a referral. But you knew it was still a long road. Things would continue to be very difficult going forward. But if he was willing to try and fight for you, for himself, that was enough for right now.

“I love you,” You said softly, “And I’m going to hold you to this, just so you know.”

“I know,” He pressed his mouth to your shoulder, his beard scratching at your skin, “I love you too.”

“I want to come back to the hospital,” You said after the two of you had been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

You felt him inhale heavily behind you, “I don’t need a babysitter—“

“Not because of you,” You said quickly, “Though I won’t act like it wouldn’t ease my own anxiety being nearby while we’re working. But I… miss being on a care team, the collaboration. I realized today how isolating it is working at a clinic.”

“Well,” He sighed, “I miss working with you, too, actually. The other psychologists don’t laugh at my jokes.”

You huffed a laugh through your nose, “Hate to tell you, Robinavitch, but most of the time I was laughing at your jokes it was because I had a massive crush on you, not because I found them funny.”

You felt his chest rumble with laughter behind you and your heart swelled with the sound.

Later, when the two of you finally climbed into bed, he pulled you to him, your foreheads bent together. Your hand rested gently on his cheek.

You both sat in the dark like that for a while, silently mulling over the events of the day. You couldn’t get the feeling of Leah’s blood on your hands out of your head. The look on Robby’s face when he had finally called time of death. The families you had had to tell that their child, sibling, spouse was dead.

You don’t know which of you started crying first, just that once it started, one of you clawed for the other, pulling each other as close as your bodies would allow. Without any words exchanged between you, you both just held onto each other as wave after wave of grief rolled through. Until eventually, the tears dried and sleep came for them, still wrapped up in one another’s arms.

The moon and the stars faded and the sun rose again.

[ddejavvu]

Spring Fling - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader (Part One) (18+) | SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: You should have known the ‘no refunds’ detail on the website for Spring Fling was a red flag. But you paid no mind to it, eager to be assigned a quick fuck for spring break. When the man that walks through your cabin door is none other than Jake 'Hangman' Seresin, your wildly infuriating fellow pilot, you have two choices: bicker the entire time and have a miserable spring break, or fuck.

Contents/Warnings: smut, minors dni. fem!reader, pilot!reader, enemies/rivals to lovers, lots and lots of arguing, could these two people be any less cooperative, sex seven ways to sunday and then some, seriously like so much smut it'll make your eyes bleed, makeouts, rough sex, oral (m+f receiving), penetrative sex, will add as i post

WC: 5.7K / navigation / inbox

A/N: if you've been on my blog anytime since last year and you've heard me mention 'my big hangman fic', this is it! I've been working on Spring Fling for almost a year now, and I'm so excited to share it with you. I hope you enjoy this, and I'm glad so many new people are making their way into our top gun fandom because of twisters and Glen's role in it. Welcome, and enjoy!

feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!

Phoenix had been the one to give you the final push, and right now you’re glad she did. You’d hemmed and hawed over the booking details for weeks, but when the cruise was only three weeks away, she’d insisted you finalize the paperwork and clinch one of the last available rooms.

“Come on,” She’d given you a knowing look, thin brows raised and lips curled into a smirk, “You need this.”

You do need this. Walking onto the cruise ship feels liberating, like you’re free from the shackles of the U.S Military and living a normal life. You’d been pleasantly surprised to have been granted leave by your commanding officer for the entire week, because Spring Break was a term typically foreign to the Navy. But your squadron's leave fell so perfectly in between late March and early April, so you’ll take the time off and enjoy it.

You’re really going to enjoy it. The cruise you needed oh-so-badly isn’t just an average, run-of-the-mill ship, it’s a program specifically targeted towards those wanting easy hookups. 

A sex cruise.

You’d almost been scared away by the no refunds, no rearrangements notice on the cruise’s website, letting you know that you wouldn’t be offered the courtesy of a swap if your random roommate didn’t work out. After all, the point is to get over your reservations, and have a good time. But, you think, it’s only a week, and none of the people you’re seeing around the ship so far look like anyone you’d refuse to have sex with. Do you feel ashamed for signing up for a sex cruise? Slightly. But you can feel slightly ashamed after getting your back blown out by whoever you’re lucky enough to room with. Right now you just need sex, something hot and heavy and rushed, the fervent slapping of skin-on-skin to release the stress pent up inside of you for months now.

Work is tough. You’re no longer the starry-eyed aviator that you’d been at the beginning of your career. You’re older now, you’re starting to exit the honeymoon phase of your job, and to top it off, you haven’t been able to score in months. 

You used to have no problem picking up a date here and there around the Hard Deck, but all of a sudden, it’s like Penny had shut off the tap of men pouring out into your lap. You can’t fathom why the entirety of San Diego suddenly decided hookup culture wasn’t for them, but you haven't been able to get laid in months, so you need this cruise. You’re partially terrified that word might get around to your squadron about your vacation, and that the slight shame you're feeling might multiply into something you'll never be able to face. Heaven forbid they change your callsign to Cruiser, or Hookup, or some other derogatory indicator that you're about to have the week of your life.

Hangman already teases you for not being able to take anyone home anymore, you can’t imagine what he’d do if he found out you got on a sex boat. You’ve always been able to bicker and banter with Hangman, dishing out as much as you take, but if he gets wind of what you’re doing this week, you might lose your never-ending stream of competitive banter once and for all.

You shove Hangman out of your thoughts; this is to get away from all of that. He’s a pest, the way he lays out teasing remarks with that saccharine grin on his face, like he’s the cheshire cat and he’s told you a particularly hard-to-decipher riddle. He’s a cheap rival at best, always poking and prodding about being number one, and how you’ll have to hike up your big girl panties if you want to be on his level, despite your record being neck-and-neck with his own. He’s never given you something you can’t return in full-force, but it takes effort to fire back the way that you do, and you’re eager to let your guard down this week and relieve your pent-up frustration.

You pass through the archway they’ve opened to the dock, big double doors angled inside over short, stubbly carpeting. It looks like what you’d find in an 80’s bowling alley, all clashing colors and wacky patterns. The railings to the stairs just in front of you are gold, and they spiral downwards elegantly over the 3 floors below you. They extend upwards 11 more, which is a scary thing to think about; being 15 decks high in the middle of the ocean. The carrier ships you’re used to aren’t small by any means, but their decks are mainly tucked away beneath the surface and shut in so that, if you ignore the rolling waves that toss you side to side, you can pretend you’re on land. Several mostly open upper decks are new to you, but if you’re lucky, you’ll stay centralized to your cabin, tucked away neatly on deck eight, getting your world rocked.

You’ve packed light, a single suitcase rolling behind you as your purse tucks over the handle. It’s an easy way to travel, and you thank basic training for the way that your muscles easily support your luggage as you drag it up a flight of the spiral stairs.

There’s noise everywhere, lights everywhere, people everywhere; it’s complete chaos. But it’s thrumming with excitement, with the promise of sex, and lust, and getting laid, and you fight to stop a grin from growing on your cheeks as you approach the registration desk.

There’s a man in front of you that’s arguing with the receptionist, something about incorrectly filed paperwork, which you don’t exactly blame the guy for. There had been about 35 forms to fill out, STD Test Results here and Consent Questionnaires there. You understand why they’re necessary on a sex cruise, and you’re glad they’re keeping their passengers safe, but they were a pain to fill out. 

The receptionist sees you file in line behind the man, looking all too grateful for the distraction.

“If you could just step to the side here,” He gestures, waving the man to the left of his place at the counter, “I’ll call someone down to help you with that, sir.”

The man looks displeased to be put on hold, but you take the opportunity when it comes to you, handing over your printed email confirmation that’s got your room number inked in bold black lettering.

“Ah, 838,” The man smiles, “Your roommate’s already gotten his key. Maybe you’ll meet him down there. But if not, you’re welcome to explore the ship. Here’s a map, we have plenty to do if you’re not quite ready to get started.”

The man hands you both a stiff key card, printed with your name and general information, and a map of the ship. It really is huge, and you marvel at how much there is to do besides sex. Maybe if your roommate doesn’t work out, you can hang out in the piano lounge.

The instrument makes you think of Rooster and his attention-grabbing routine at the Hard Deck, whenever he’s in the mood to go home with someone that night. Ladies love a piano player, and if this cruise doesn’t work out, maybe you’ll pick up the instrument yourself. If it were any other voyage, you’d probably be wishing your fellow aviator was on board to serenade the ship, but you’ll count your blessings that he’s not here to see your desperation.

You decide on the elevator rather than the stairs for the sake of your luggage, not wanting the suitcase to get battered hitting each step on the way up. There’s a crowd formed at the doors to the lifts already, humming with conversation and dripping with sex appeal. Two of the three men there are already shirtless and in swim trunks, and you hope you look half as stunning in the bathing suits you’d chosen to bring with you. One of them catches your eye as you sidle into the elevator and the quick wink he sends you lightens your mood. Even if your roommate doesn’t work out, maybe you can branch out and get Elevator Guy's number.

The ride up is cut off by someone on the sixth floor who manages to squeeze into your elevator. Then someone steps out on the seventh, and finally, you make your departure on the eighth. You mourn the loss of Elevator Guy, but you’re excited to meet your roommate, whoever he is. 

There’s not a long walk from the elevator to your room, but it’s a bit of a maze figuring out which hallway to take. You’re the third door down the corridor furthest left, and you slide your key card into the door with excitement brewing in your stomach.

Will he be handsome? Will he be drop-dead gorgeous? Will he have a six pack? Will he have a dad-bod? Will he have a beard? Will he be a brunette? Will he… be invisible?

He’s most likely not invisible, which means he’s just not in the room. The door swings open to a lovely space, portholes showcasing the dock and a single, queen-sized bed against that wall. There’s a suitcase stacked against one side of the bed, but no passenger to accompany it, and the bathroom light is off, too.

There’s a hat resting on one of the pillows, a blue-and-white patterned thing you recognize as rooting for the Dallas Cowboys. It’s the team Jake won’t shut the fuck up about when the game is on, so you’re well accustomed to seeing the color combo. Jake always accentuates his southern drawl when he talks about the Cowboys, just to remind everyone that he’s a certified Texan, as if anyone might have forgotten in the time it’s been since the last game. You hope that whoever your roommate is isn’t just a fan, but a southerner as well, because Jake’s twang would be ridiculously attractive if it wasn’t coming out of his arrogant mouth. But the hat has no owner in sight, so you can’t analyze their accent, and for that you heave a sigh.

He’s not here.

You’re a little let down - does he not want to meet you? - but you suppose that gives you time to go find the buffet, as well as explore the ship. You’d elected to skip lunch on the way to the port and eat on the ship instead, hoping for a debrief with your roommate before you hit it off tonight. But eating alone isn’t the worst thing in the world, and you can muscle through one meal. You take a moment to admire the room, a bright, clean space that you’re going to love messing up. The sheets are crisp and white, but there’s an imprint of your roommate on one side, like he’d stretched out for a while before heading back out. The dip in the bed looks large, and blossoms of excitement bloom in your stomach: he’s beefy.

You deposit your suitcase in the closet, filling out the hangers with your outfits and setting your lingerie on the shelf. You want easy access; you’re probably not going to look very sexy rooting around in your suitcase on all fours for a bra.

You refrain from changing, already in a weather-appropriate sundress that’s a pretty mix of pink and baby blue. You do a quick check in the mirror: no flyaway hairs, dress laying right on your hips, gloss properly lining your lips. You make sure you don’t need to reapply deodorant, perfume, or any other nice-smelling substance, and then you’re off in search of the buffet, eager to see the soft serve machine they’d advertised on their website.

The ship really is crowded, and you appreciate the unique atmosphere that comes from everyone knowing they’re only there for sex. You’re there to fuck and be fucked, and it means you can ogle the man that emerges soaking wet from the pool, slicking his dripping hair out of his face as he prepares to dive again. A woman eating with who you assume is her roommate gives the hem of your sundress a once-over, catching on your thighs beneath the fabric, and glancing back up to your face to level you with a momentary smirk. Confidence flows through your veins as you make your way out towards the wood-lined deck of the ship, looking out over the bright ocean illuminated by sunlight. 

A gust of wind blows the hem of your sundress to the left, but not enough to raise it, so you don’t bother catching it. The sea is beautiful, and you’re thrilled to have a relaxing time on one; you don’t normally get those on giant carrier ships.

There’s no runway here, no reserve of jet fuel, there’s just sun, fun, and lust.

“You wouldn’t happen to be in, uh, room 624, would you?” A voice pipes up from your right, and you turn to see a slightly younger man, clearly sun-drying from a dip in the pool. His hair hangs past his ears but he runs a hand through it backwards, and it means you get a better view of his face, adorned with an impressive scruffy beard, the same brown shade as his hair. However, there’s a ring of slightly lighter hair around his mouth that you hope is from what you think it’s from. His face is more squarish than long, skin a tone darker than the impressive tan Rooster sports after a day at the beach.

“Ah, no.” You laugh lightly, and the overexaggerated slump of his shoulders hints that he was expecting your answer. You take pride in the fact that he’d wanted to ask anyways, and you flash your key card at him, “838.”

“You mind if I remember that?” He leans against the railing of the deck, and once more you appreciate the open, bold atmosphere of the crowd you’re in, “If my roommate doesn’t mind not being exclusive.”

“I don’t mind at all,” You smile, feeling a slight flush come to your cheeks. This is going to do you a world of good. If your roommate has even half of this guy’s good qualities, his charming smile, his toned arms, his slight southern drawl, you’ll be more than happy to share your week with him.

“Daniel,” He sticks a hand out, fingers thick and rough-looking. You wonder what he does for work; something laborious by the look of his hands. 

“Y/N,” You smile back, turning to shake his hand. He takes you by surprise by raising your knuckles to his lips, and you remind yourself once again that this cruise is geared towards romance. Or, at least lust, but you’re flattered he’s throwing in the extra component. 

You try tamping down your obvious grin as you turn back to the ocean, “You haven’t met your roommate?”

“Nope,” He grabs a shirt from a nearby lounge chair, patterned with a faded band logo that you can’t place, what must be a waterproof watch gleaming in the sunlight that hits his wrist. “I was hoping to get lunch with’er. Hey, have you eaten yet?”

“Actually, I haven’t.” You straighten from where you’re leaning against the railings, “I was waiting for my roommate too.”

“Well,” Daniel holds out an arm, toned and muscular, and you hook yours through it, “Fuck ‘em.”

You laugh at his bold choice of words, still having to remind yourself that you’re in a strictly adult environment. You don’t need to worry about your sailor’s mouth, there’s no kids to overhear, nor parents to get upset.

Daniel’s arm is strong where he leads you to the dining area, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t fixating on the feeling of your bicep locked to his side by his own. The buffet is a little classier than you’d expected; instead of all-you-can-eat french fry stations there’s trays of pastas, stews, and meat for the taking, thin silver utensils laid out neatly over each container.

You keep it light with only foods you know won’t upset your stomach with the rocking of the boat. That’s the last thing you need, and you manage to find an open table while Daniel waits in line for pizza. You’ve barely had a chance to spread your napkin over your lap, your sundress putting forth a valiant effort to cover your upper thighs, when Daniel sits across from you and smiles through his beard.

“So, where are you from?” He questions, biting off the end of his pizza slice so that you have a chance to reply. 

“I live here,” You attempt to pick up one half of your sandwich, lettuce and tomato making it slick and difficult, “I’m actually, uh- stationed here. With the navy.”

His eyes bulge for a second, and he swallows while nodding, “Wow. Okay, that’s cool. I’m guessing that’s why your arms are practically bigger than mine?”

You try not to spit out your sandwich laughing along with him, grateful for the flimsy paper napkin you’d snagged to hide a smear of tomato juice along your lip. 

“You should see one of the other guys from my squadron,” You think of Jake- Jake who’d famously torn through a t-shirt (albeit, a flimsy one) by just flexing the muscles in his biceps, “I swear his arms are bigger than my neck.”

I’m sure you guys need ‘em,” Daniel muses, sipping at his drink. He’s listening to you with rapt interest, something men don’t usually do when they find out that your job is something traditionally masculine. He’s not boasting about his own job, he’s not rattling off gym stats: “So you’re a sailor?”

“Aviator,” You correct him, used to the misconception, “I fly.”

“I don’t think I knew the Navy had planes,” Daniel admits, crunching a potato chip between his slightly crooked teeth, “I thought that was just the Air Force.”

“Everyone thinks it’s just the Air Force,” You grin, stacking two pickles on the end of your fork that had somehow escaped your sandwich.

“Sorry,” Daniel looks bashful now, his smile sheepish, “I bet you’re tired of correcting people.”

“No! Don’t worry about it,” You’re absolutely tired of correcting people, but you’re not about to tell that to a man who’s mustache has lighter ends than the scruff of his beard against his jaw, “What about you, what do you do?”

“I just work at a post office, I sort mail.” He divulges, and you’re instantly more fond of him; a civil service worker who wears tight little shorts? You’re not quite sure if Daniel has a downside.

“Are you local?”

“I’m in Oceanside. Not too far,” He muses, “I only drove an hour here.”

So, he’s good in bed, he’s good in uniform, and you could easily make weekend visits. You’re starting to lament the fact that you’ll be sleeping with someone else for the week.

“Are you sure you’re not in room 838?” You tease, “Maybe they misprinted your card, or something.”

“Believe me, if I could get it reprinted, I would,” He confesses, setting his fork down to brace his elbows on the table. He leans forwards, his chin propped against his clasped hands, “I know they’re all strict about not changing roommates, but listen, if yours doesn’t work out, I’ll propose an arrangement to mine. And- uh, even if yours does work out,” He stifles a smirk, stuffing a chip into his mouth instead, “-ask him if he wouldn’t mind swapping for a bit.”

You both admire and appreciate his desperation. You’re used to aloof sailors, or men in bars who wish you had less muscle and more tit. Something about the way he’s leading the conversation, not forcing himself on you but begging for a chance, makes your stomach flutter.

“We’ll work something out,” You promise, nudging your foot against his beneath the table, “Coming straight out and asking is working on me, if I’m being honest.”

Daniel laughs, so you elaborate: “So many of the guys I meet try pretending like they don’t care. Or- or maybe they don’t, I guess, but it’s still frustrating. It’s nice that you care.”

“Of course I care,” Daniel blinks incredulously at you, cheeks stuffed as he struggles to swallow before speaking, “You could choke me out with your thighs, babe. I’m not stupid enough to lose that opportunity.”

Your cheeks burn. Evidently you’re still acclimating to the brazen atmosphere of the ship, and you struggle to hide your sheepish smirk as he kicks his foot against yours beneath the table, the same as you’d done to him.

Daniel’s only gaining more popularity in your mind when he takes your plate to the trash, scraping away the remnants of the lettuce and condiments from your sandwich and stacking his own on top of it where they’re about to be washed. He sends you a dazzling smile as he gestures for the doorway, and you’re honestly surprised that he doesn’t say ‘after you’ when he lets you go first.

“Eighth floor?” Daniel verifies when you step through the doors of the elevator, and it’s much less packed than when you’d been there before. You nod, and he presses only 8, not 6 for his own room. You’re almost nervous that he might try to come into your room with you, because you’re not sure whether your roommate is there, and you don’t know how kindly he’ll take to you bringing another man in without meeting him first. But you swallow your nerves as the doors slide shut, leaving you in the elevator with him alone.

You can feel him staring at you, and you meet his gaze with a smile. He smiles back, and you lock eyes for a tense moment, then all of a sudden you’re both lunging forwards, frenzied as something in the air tells you to jump each other. Your hands sling around his neck as his lips press to your own, the scruff of his beard grating against your skin. It stings slightly, but it’s delicious as his lips fit between your own, and your back presses to the cold metal wall of the elevator. You suppose you should be a little ashamed, letting your tongue ghost over his bottom lip, making out with a man you've just met in an elevator, but it appears everyone is either boarding or eating, and no one bothers you on your journey up.

To add yet another thing to Daneil’s list of perfect traits: he’s an excellent kisser. He lets you lead, and when he feels your tongue prod at his lips he groans, gladly licking over your top lip. You open your mouth, seized by the moment, and he ventures inside without hesitation, his tongue hot and wet as it laps over your own.

You’d moan if you could, spout some breathy expletive or test out his name on your drool-coated tongue. But you can’t, he’s a presence, an enigma, and you let him occupy your mouth so much that words won’t.

You’d been on the fourth deck when the doors had shut, and it’s not a long trip to the eighth. When the elevator jolts to a stop you reluctantly push Daniel away, not wanting to expose yourself to the hall of deck eight.

“Uh,” You breathe, wiping at a smear of drool on the side of your mouth, “Fuck, that was-”

“Yeah.” He agrees, similarly breathless as he runs a hand through his hair that you’d tousled slightly, “I’d love to do that again sometime.”

“Me too.” You laugh bashfully, “Uh, maybe not in an elevator, though.”

“Like- like in a bed.” He concludes as the doors slide open, revealing a safely empty hallway. “Or- or just a room, or something, like a- a couch, if you don’t want- not a bed.”

“A bed,” You assure him, endeared by his caution, “I’d love to do it again sometime in a bed, Daniel.”

“Alright,” He grins, reaching out to catch the doors before they can close on you as you depart, “838’s right there. I’d walk you, but,” He points at a door only two down from the one directly in front of you, and you wave him off with a grateful grin.

“No worries.” You laugh, “Thanks, Daniel. Uh- I hope I see you again.”

“Me too,” He smiles, and it might be the most charming sight you’ve ever seen, “Goodbye, Y/N.”

The doors slide shut on him, and you feel like the next appropriate step for you is to go into your room, close the door, and slide down the backside of it. You can’t fathom reacting any differently to the mind-blowing, butterfly-inducing kiss you’d just engaged in, especially with the excitement of doing it in an elevator. The desperation you’d felt and received back was exhilarating, and you’d be happy to get off the boat now and savor the feeling. 

Coincidentally, the ship’s horn sounds, and an announcement comes over the loudspeakers, “Passengers, brace yourselves for some slight rocking,” You hold onto the wall, just in case, “Because we are on our way! We’ve just set sail, and for a day and a half, you’ll be at sea. Then we’ll dock on beautiful white sand beaches by Wednesday morning. I hope you enjoy yourselves, and I wish I was one of you, because I do not get a roommate. Unless- Rick, you feel like- no, no, okay! Okay,” The captain laughs, “My co-captain isn’t interested. Well, folks, enjoy yourselves, and please don’t make messes in the pools.”

You’re feeling generous, a bounce in your step from being kissed stupid in the elevator, so you let out a light chuckle at the captain’s humor. Any other time, you might have found it corny, but you’ve just been made out with, and everything seems better than it would have before. You hear muffled cheers from the rest of the ship, and dig into the pocket of your sundress for your key card. You retrieve the smooth plastic, slot it into the door labeled 838, and take a deep breath.

If he’s anything like Daniel, you’ll have a great time. And if he isn’t, you’ll see Daniel again.

With that, you push down the silver handle, hearing the door click with the motion, and you step inside.

The first thing you see is a pair of socked feet sticking off the end of the bed. The bed is perpendicular to the doorway, and the upper half of it is hidden by the bathroom. You clock the pair of toned, tan, mouth-watering legs that rest on the mattress, a sight you already want to sink your teeth into. You’re shocked that you’re bold enough to think that you wish he didn’t have briefs on, especially considering the sizable bulge in their fabric. You take a step closer, and a similarly toned torso comes into view, impossibly muscled and something that belongs in an art museum. There’s a pair of thick, bulky biceps raised above the man’s head, and when he turns his head to look at you-

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

You freeze in your spot. One foot planted in front of the other, your weight distributed between them equally. Your eyes go wide, your stomach twists awkwardly, and you damn near drop your keycard.

“Hangman.”

Your fellow aviator's face is equally as shocked, but it curves into a familiar cocky grin all too soon, “What do we have here? Y/L/N?”

“No fucking way. Jake?”

“Y/N,” He matches your pattern with a hearty chuckle, “Oh, this is too good.”

“You’re in the wrong room.” You decide, “This is 838.”

“That’s what it said on my key card, darlin’.” Jake snatches the card from the sleeve stuck to the back of his phone, flashing it at you where you can see the clear print of the numbers, “Guess we’re fated or somethin’.”

“Shut up.” You snap, knees easily bending as you fall back against the loveseat opposite the bathroom, “Shut the fuck up, Hangman. There’s no way I’m staying here.”

“No room changes,” He grins, and you want to smother the expression off of his face with a pillow, “And no getting off, either. We just set sail.”

You bury your face in your hands. There’s no way you’re surviving this vacation. Not with Hangman- Hangman who acts like a toddler and pulls your hair whenever it’s not in the regulatory bun. Hangman who snatches food out of your hand if you hold it up for too long without eating it because you’re speaking. Hangman who delights in insulting you over the comms in the air, offering you flying lessons ‘’cause that move was pretty rusty, darlin’.’

There is absolutely no way in hell - which feels like your current location - that you’re taking a sex cruise with Jake Seresin, end of story.

“So, sex cruise, eh?” He muses from his spot on the bed, and you shoot him a glare so vicious you’re surprised he doesn’t drop dead.

“Yeah? You’re on it too, Hangman.”

“Easy,” He holds up a placating hand, “Wasn’t an insult. Just didn’t think you were the type.”

“To fuck?”

“To be desperate.” He shrugs, “Y’know, Y/L/N, if you wanted to have sex with me this bad, you could have just asked.”

“Stop it right now.” You insist, “This was not my doing, and so help me god I’m considering ripping that stupid porthole out of the wall and jumping ship. Clearly I’ve done something to upset the universe, so do not fucking expect me to enjoy this, Hangman.”

“You’re very pissy,” He notes, only making his observation more clear as your scowl deepens, “Relax, Y/L/N. I’ll give you a good time.”

“All you’re capable of giving me is a migraine.” You spit, a headache already brewing behind your eyes, “God, and why are you naked? Have some fucking class.”

“Class?” He repeats incredulously, a chuckle shaking his stupid, exposed chest, “This is a sex cruise! I’m near naked ‘cause I thought we’d fuck!’

“I’m not having sex with you.” You vow, pointing an accusatory finger at him, “I’ll cycle through this entire ship twice before I even think about letting you at me, Hangman. Do you understand?”

“I understand’ He salutes, and the tease pisses you off, “Y’know, Y/L/N, I think you should let loose. Live a little, don’t be so uptight the whole time.”

“I’m uptight because you’re sprawled out over my bed without clothes on.” You groan, and then your brain comes late to another earth-shattering conclusion, “Oh, fuck, that’s the only bed!”

Hangman laughs, the sound thick and full of that cockiness you despise, “Damn right it is, darlin’. You gonna snuggle up next to me tonight?”

“No!” You gush, readjusting yourself on the loveseat so that you’re curled up on its cushions, “There, see? This is my bed. I’m sleeping here.”

“Oh, relax,” He scoffs, patting the space beside him. He’s turned towards you now, propped up on his elbow and boring into you with his stare “There’s plenty of room here. I’m just messing around.”

“I’m not.” You insist, “I’m not sleeping with you, Jake. Either way.”

“Well, you called me Jake,” He notes, shrugging his broad shoulders and settling back onto his pillows, “I’ll take what I can get.”

“You’re getting nothing.” You hiss, turning onto your back on the loveseat, “Fuck, what did I do to deserve this?”

“A week on a sex boat with me? Must’a bought a homeless man some groceries, saved a starvin’ puppy, caught a runaway baby stroller, that kinda thing.”

“It must have been the time when I scratched that Tesla and didn’t leave a note,” You groan, “Karma’s a bitch.”

Jake’s never been one to take insults or teasing gracefully. He retaliates with his own, his eyes still burning holes against the side of your face, “So, Y/N. Seen the shops yet?”

“No.” You grumble, “Didn’t know they had any.”

“Oh, yeah. Real nice stuff,” Jake drawls, “Y’know, lingerie, vibrators, sex chocolates, all that stuff.”

Your cheeks blaze and you honestly think you’d rather be back on base than here, “Shut up, Hangman.”

“I’m not lying!” And to his credit, you believe him. But lying isn’t the issue, it’s teasing, and you’re not sure you can handle seven days of it non-stop.

“I wonder if Daniel’s seen the shops,” You grumble, maybe just a little smug that you’d already hit it off with someone, assuming Jake hadn’t had the time to make out with anyone in an elevator yet.

Your brag works, and the muscles in his jaw tighten ever-so-slightly, such a small movement that you wouldn’t have seen it if you hadn’t been studying him.

When he speaks, there’s a familiar tension in his eyes, one you're used to seeing when someone ignites his overinflated sense of competition, “Daniel? That the guy you tongued in the elevator?”

You let out an incredulous cry, as if he’s wrong, “What? What- how did you know that! We didn’t tongue,” You scoff, reminiscing on the heavenly feeling of Daniel’s tongue smoothing over your own.

“Mhm. Sure. That’s why your lips are all swollen and shiny. ‘Cause you two stood six feet apart.”

You feel judged opposite Jake’s narrowed eyes, and you retort, “Okay, fine. We kissed. Is that a bad thing? This is a sex cruise, I’m supposed to get lucky.”

“All I’m sayin’ is you were snappin’ at me to have some class, but I’m not the one who frenched someone in a public facility. Did you even wait for it to be cleared out, or did you just go at it in the crowd?”

“It was empty.” You huff, practically slamming your head back down onto the couch cushions, “Shut up, Hangman.”

“I bet he pushed all the buttons to make it take longer,” Jake snickers, “Or- or did he back you up against ‘em? Smash your back into the panel and light the whole thing up like a Christmas tree?”

“Shut up!” You gush, taking one of the cushions from the couch and jamming it over your head, blocking his irritating voice from your ears.

You’re fucked.

Actually, you’re not fucked, and that’s the problem. You’d rather be just about anywhere else right now, but if you had your pick, you’d be in a different room, with a different roommate. One who wants to spread your legs and feast on what’s between them, one that wants to jam your throat with his cock until you’re begging for air. But you’re here instead, bunched up on a stiff loveseat, an itchy pillow over your face, and enemy number one lounging on the bed you have to share with him tonight.

You’d rather be fucked.

feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!

[biteyoubiteme]

redlightdesign

fem!reader x hyunjin 

synopsis: you get tattooed by your favorite tattoo artist. 

warnings: !!!🔞!!! tattooartist!hyunjin, tattooing, needles, pain, oral (f!rec), use of teeth, overstim, multiple orgasms (f!rec), squirting, fingering, pussydrunkvibes, subspace kinda, prob forgot some sorry 

wc: 5.2k

an: I want a new tattoo </3 feedback appreciated! [m.list] not proof read sorry ;-;

You didn’t think you would ever get a consolation let alone an appointment with redlightdesign. For over three years you have been submitting a request anytime their books were open. You set timers for when the form dropped to make sure you were one of the first to be seen but everyone was doing the exact same thing. 

redlightdesign would make an announcement that the submissions were closed an hour later saying they were booked solid for the next three months. The process repeats itself and every time you pray you get a response. 

Thirteen forms later and you finally got an answer. Your dream tattoo will be underway in a matter of weeks. You made sure to keep the perfect space open for the piece. Not a single artist is the right fit to do your idea justice the way Redlightdesign could. 

Before you read the email you didn’t even think you would ever be picked, your thigh would just always be bare for the possibility that never would come to fruition. But sitting in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning avoiding finishing your homework for Monday's class you jump on the opportunity to check your phone when it dings. Post notifications for redlightdesign on since you started following them. Every time they announced open books or a dropped appointment you jumped to put yourself up for the running. You remember the magazine article Redlightdsign had been featured in that started your obsession. The anonymous tattoo artist is based in Seattle and New York, traveling across the states to get a wider audience. Not that they needed the help, they were globally known, with people submitting forms all around the world, purchasing plane tickets after they confirmed an appointment. 

It was stiff competition and the anonymity of the artist was sacred to each client. There was barely any information about Redlightdesign on the internet besides the finished product, and the address to their studios was only given out just before your appointment. Once the details of the New York studio had been doxxed online and redlightdesign had stopped working for a year, packing up and shutting down in well deserved retaliation. When they came back to their socials they made it clear the next time they wouldn't stop for a year but quit entirely. No one shared any information after, only stating that Redlightdesign was one of the nicest people they have ever been tattooed by and a photo of the beautiful work after. 

But there sipping on an almost empty drink avoiding work that needed to be done you felt your pulse race just like every other time you've submitted a form. Only this time your stomach bottomed out seeing the email that popped up in your inbox a few minutes later. 

h.rldesign/gmail.com Hi, I love your idea and sketches. I think this would transfer perfectly in my style. If we are to do the piece on the thigh at the size you want I think it's best we split the work into two appointments. My open slots for this would be January 9th and 10th. Let me know if these dates work for you and then I can get started on designing and cleaning up your idea. -redlightdesign 

even just knowing their email address was shocking enough, seeing a response could have sent you into a coma. If Redlightdesign needed you on the 9th and 10th you would do everything in your power to be right at their door. You didn't care if you had to call in sick, you would put on the most convincing fake cough known to man; you would sell out stadiums with the performance if need be. 

You couldn't type a response fast enough, needing to send in a confirmation just to know it was solidified. Within seconds you got a link for a deposit to hold the dates and a promise that Redlightdesign would be working on your piece asap. You were too excited to even think about your work anymore, sitting in the coffee shop staring down at your phone in disbelief. 

It was only a few days later when the first drafts of the tattoo you would be getting were sent over for you to approve. You could tell the work had been drawn in a sketchbook and scanned to send in an email, the charcoal lines and highlights showing the detailed work. It was everything you could have hoped for, redlightdesign taking the amateur rendering of your idea and turning it into the masterpiece sitting in your inbox. They promised to have perfected versions ready when you arrived early on the ninth, reminding you that they would transfer it into the stencil and use a pen to finish drawing the finishing touches to make sure it flowed with your body just right. Make sure to eat before the appointment and don't wear any lotions on the tattoo area. Take care to remember we can take as many breaks as you want you have the day booked up with me so no need to rush through just to get it over with. 

You made sure to dress appropriately. A pair of shorts you didn’t mind getting ink on in case any decided to ruin them. It was cold the morning of the ninth, a drizzle setting in as you made your way towards the address you had been sent before you had woken up. Even just seeing the street name and knowing this whole time you’ve been a fifteen-minute walk away from Redlights studio was bizarre. How many times have you driven by the building without ever knowing? 

The email with the address had said the door would be open and to take the stairs up to the loft. The separate space on the ground level was a bakery, the sign flipped to closed. But as you felt the first droplets of rain you pulled on the handle for the door only for it to not budge. You check the address again to make sure it is right, you can see the windows to the studio above but the curtains are pulled shut. You were running over the email you could send to redlightdesign, reading it over once more when someone reached past you making you jump. “holy shit you almost gave me a heart attack,” you breathe your phone pressed to your chest. 

The soft laugh of the person beside you is muffled behind the black medical mask they wear, long dark hair hanging on their brow leaving only smiling eyes glancing over you. “I'm sorry I was running late and didn't make it in time to beat you here,” they push their key into the lock twisting until it clicks, painted nails wrapping around the handle to hold the door open for you. 

You give a weak thanks stepping into the little hallway leading to the stairs waiting for them to step in and follow. 

You're trying hard not to make it seem like you're staring at them but it's almost impossible not to. Right in front of you is the person whose identity has been hidden from the public for years. You've tried to imagine what redlightdesign looked like since you read that magazine article. Now with the early morning mist still stuck to their hair you were seconds away from knowing exactly what they were like. Watching how their long fingers flipped over the keys looking for the one to unlock the loft door, how they used their shoulder to push open the door turning back to give you smiling eyes, waving you in. 

They moved around to pull open the long cream-colored curtains, the gray light pouring in revealing the space. The walls have tacked up charcoal drawings, painted landscapes, and oil pastel flowers. A worn brown leather couch pushed to one side, heavy white blanket pushed back like someone had taken a nap there against the throw pillows. Tattoo bed next to rows of inks and past designs. On another wall a cluster of polaroids, stepping closer you can see its every tattoo that redlightdesign has done here. You're excited to see ones they haven't posted on their socials, so distracted you don't hear a closet door opening and the wheeling of a cart behind you. “I wanted to be set up so we could get started right away but,” when you turn you see them shrug. The view outside of the waterfront off in the distance matches some of the paintings done during different times of the day. 

“It's okay I can wait, we're booked all day right?” 

“yes that's right,” they go through their bag pulling out a large sketchbook, “here take a seat and we can go over some of these together,” 

they sink into the couch pushing back the blanket to make room for you to follow. Your thighs touching before they hand over the sketchbook. You're amazed by the craftsmanship, and the detail put into each variety of the tattoo idea you have given them. No other artist has given you so many possibilities, maybe one of two but a whole spread dedicated to small details was never on the table. redlightdesign had taken time working through this with passion. “Wow,” you breathe not knowing where to look first. 

“do you like it? It's a big thing, a tattoo of this size, and I wanted to make sure it really had all the elements you wanted in it while also not being too chaotic and messy. You see this one has less shading and seems more open but this one is heavy-handed if you're into that kinda style. I see you have other work done on your arms and if you want to go that way style-wise I think this one would be perfect,” they point at the one you've been focused on knowing that it was exactly what you wanted. 

“It's amazing, they all are, I'm so impressed redli-“

“Hyunjin, you can call me Hyunjin,” they chuckle, “I should have introduced myself earlier but I was late and it slipped my mind I'm sorry,” 

“no, it's okay thank you hyunjin,” you try the name in your mouth, “I think this is exactly what I want, better than what I could have imagined,” 

“great I'm happy to impress let me get this printed in a stencil and we can add anything else after we find the right placement,” you watch as they stand moving to the corner with a desk, you can't see their face but know they've taken their mask off as they turn on the printer. “Do you live around here or was it a commute?” 

“oh I live right up the street, I was surprised to see how close it was to my place actually,” you say over the sound of the scanner. 

“that's good, sometimes I have people coming from all over it's fun to finally have a local visit,” 

“I would have come out to New York if that's where you would have been,” you admit. 

“I haven't been out there in a while, they are doing construction on the street the studio is on so I've been located here for a while now,” he states pulling out the stencil sheet. “I did a few different sizes to start with,” 

he turns around and you're shocked at how beautiful Hyunjin is. In all the time you've thought about redlightdesign never did it cross your mind to account for prettiness but if you did your scale would be broken. You're still seated when he comes over and kneels in front of you. 

“Can I?” he asks looking up at you, your hands in your lap covering your thighs.

“oh yeah sure,” you're flustered lifting your hands away. 

“left or right?” he asks, holding two of the stencils over each leg. 

“right,” your hands sinking into the couch as Hyunjin wipes his thumb over your bare thigh. He shows you the three different sizes and you decide on one before he asks you to stand in front of the mirror so he can place the stencil on. 

“Here,” he mutters, being gentle to get the placement right in the first go. “We can always print more if you don't like it here,” he blows cool air over the purple lines traced on to make sure it's dry enough for you to move. He slides his hand behind the pit of your knee tugging your leg. You reach out to steady yourself with his shoulders, the backs of your hands feeling the tickle of his long hair hanging past his ears. He lifts your leg enough so that your foot is resting on his thigh, his hands slipping over your skin checking it looks good. 

You love the way he's found the perfect spot on your thigh so that it flows with your body, “I think you got it first try,” 

“Look in the mirror first just to make sure,” he lets you go, pulling himself to stand behind you so that you can see yourself. 

“yes it's perfect,” and he nods, grabbing a purple pen. 

“finishing touches then,” he gets back down in front of you lifting your foot back to his knee so that he can steady you. The marker is cold on your skin as he draws, adding lines and shading in spots to make the work blend better. When he blows on the wet lines of ink you shiver especially when he draws on your inner thigh, your skin so sensitive you swear you could imagine his fingers tracing shapes instead of the pen. “Perfect,” he states, giving your knee a tap letting you know he's done. “Let me set up and if you need the bathroom before we start I'd go now. I have water and a kettle for coffee over under the desk, and we can stop for lunch around let's say twelve or one-ish?” 

You nod, taking your seat on the tattoo bed. He's set it up so that you're slightly leaned back but still sitting up. You watch him pull on black gloves and get all of the inks and needles ready, following a system you've seen done before. He clicks on a stereo the soft song playing in the background just loud enough for us to talk if we wanted to or just to listen. you adjust in your seat when you hear the sound of the tattoo gun whirring, hyunjins free hand stretching your skin in preparation, “The hard part will be around the knee so let's get that area out of the way,” 

you nod watching as he starts, the familiar burn of the needle digging in but not too painfully. He was right that it was worse than some of your other tattoos but not unbearable. What distracts you is how concentrated he looks leaning over your leg, hair pushed back behind his ears but one strand hangs across his forehead, the corner of his lip between his teeth. 

He starts to ask you small questions about yourself, the conversation leading to learning about him and how he got into tattooing. He talks about his art and the little things he likes. Both of you are so invested in one another that you don't even notice how far you've come in the day, lunch already rolling around before you know it. He's gotten through more than half the outline when he starts the loose wrap to keep it clean while you go out for lunch. The bakery is just downstairs offering lunch deals you can't refuse and when you get back upstairs both of you sit on the couch and continue your conversation. Giggling over nothing much but being comfortable in each other's company more than what you could have asked for. 

redlightdesign could have been a total dick but you were blessed enough to get someone so genuinely kind and talented. And when you got back in the chair to finish the day's session you were sad to know that tomorrow would be the last time you saw Hyunjin unless you somehow got another appointment. The idea in it of itself was making you dread leaving. 

“Could you tie my hair up?” he asks lifting his wrist up to you, a hair band waiting for you to take off. You lean over taking the tie from him and running your fingers through the dark strands. He hums as you brush the hair from his face gathering it all to tie into a ponytail. “thank you,” he nods letting the end bob up and down, a sweet smile teasing his lips before he goes back to the linework. 

When he finally declares you done for the day you sigh, his thumb smoothing over the ends of the tape he's put to hold the wrap he put over your thigh. His finger slips across your inner thigh making you jolt harder than when the needle was to your skin. “sensitive?” he asks and you nod, not wanting to think too much into it. You were definitely sensitive but not from the pain, watching his long fingers work over your skin didn't put the cleanest image in your head. 

He starts to break down his workstation, cleaning up and wiping everything to disinfect. While you put on your coat he asks, “Do you want to get dinner?” you turn to make sure he is not on the phone but he is in fact asking you, “I know this great spot a block over it's not that far a walk if you're up for it?” 

“Sure,” you nod and he rubs the back of his neck. 

“You know if you're not busy or anything I don't usually ask clients out for dinner but we were having a good chat and you know if you don't want to,” he drags on his ears pink, it was cute to watch him flustered. 

“I'd love to go to dinner with you hyunjin,” you smile following him out. 

You share an umbrella as you make your way to the small cafe-style restaurant, outdoor seating covered with a canopy so you won't get hit by any rain. Sitting across from one another, Hyunjin asks to see your other tattoos. You lay one arm down on the table, hyunjins fingertips ghosting over your skin as he traces the lines of all your other work. “I think I've seen this one before, did you get it from Felix? Or what's his username…”

“youg.ink?” you nod, “I actually got it because I saw you mentioned them before and it introduced me to their work. instantly fell in love with this when he offered it up,” 

hyunjins not even paying attention to the tattoos anymore as he lets his fingers glide over your smooth skin. Most times after a client was done for the day in his chair he walked them to the door, waved goodbye, and worked in the studio on the next person's design. Most times he had people who he didn't mind not seeing again but you and your laugh, your gentle conversation, made him want to break his own rules for once. He walks you home after dinner and promises to see you tomorrow at the same time. 

When you show up for your second session you're double fisting two iced coffees; the door is already unlocked as you make your way up the stairs. Hyunjin is sitting at the desk with headphones on sketching away before he sees the movement in the corner of his eye. He gives you a big smile, all teeth and is so cute. He tugs his headphones off letting them hang around his neck, “you got me a coffee?” 

“Maybe or maybe I have a caffeine addiction,” you joke, handing over his cup. You look over to see what he's working on and he leans back to give you a better view. 

“The next client wants their back done, it will be spaced out over the next four months. first sessions tomorrow,” 

“I wouldn't even know where to start on something that big,” 

“the same way I started yours,” he looks down at your legs, the wrap still in place only today you're wearing a skirt instead of shorts. The only other clothing item you felt would give him space to work today. Hyunjin looks back to his sketchbook, shutting it and standing. “let's get you up on the chair and get started,” 

you follow his instructions, sinking back into the chair and letting your skirt bunch between your legs to expose your thigh. Hyunjin starts to set up his station, pulling on his gloves after flipping to the sketch of your design to have to glance at while he works. “might hurt today with all the shading if you need any breaks let me know we can go as slow as you need,” he peels away the tape before cleaning your leg with a towel and watered down soap. “It already looks good,” he nods, pressing around the tattoo. 

“I think I can handle it,” 

“Okay, we can work the bottom to the top again today, get the area closest to the knee and get the most painful bit first,” 

and you think you can handle it and you can for the most part but the dragging of the needle over the still red outline from yesterday is painful today. Your hand bunching in your skirt as you remind yourself to breathe. You let your head roll back in the chair not able to watch anymore, focusing on the music playing, the dull hum of the tattoo gun usually comforting you but now a reminder that you're here for a while. 

hyunjin is trying to concentrate, he's great at what he does, but what's testing him is how you're flashing your panties at him. he was going to say something, bring up a conversation about anything but when he looked up, a simple glance he was face to face with the dark grey fabric, the outline of you silencing him. You didn't even notice, your neck exposed as your free hand not holding your skirt gripped the armrest. 

Tattooing people made nudity and almost nudity normal. It was why Hyunjin preferred his private studio so that he could make people feel comfortable, it was better than having someone who wanted a hip tattoo strip in a shop where anyone could watch. But with you sitting in front of him he forgot that he shouldn't look so close. Because instead of ignoring the view he was imagining ways that he could make your pain more bearable. Imagining how if he reached over and brushed where he knew your clit would be waiting you wouldn't be moaning in pain. 

It's not until lunch that your skirt is let go but it's done the work of keeping Hyunjin hard for the entirety of the progress he's made toward the tattoo. When he sprays the tattoo down with the soapy water beads roll back up your leg because of the way the chairs are angled. The cold water feels great against your hot skin and Hyunjin apologizes for the mess passing you a paper towel to wipe any that got too far. You slightly lift your leg to wipe your inner thighs, the movement flashing Hyunjin again only this time the droplets of water had dampened your panties. The gray fabric was dark where he had been fantasizing they would be. 

He doesn't even want to think about standing from his stool knowing that the second he does he will have to adjust himself only drawing attention to the fact he is very hard. He tries to make a list of things in his head as he wraps your thigh. To think about how it's almost over, that you will be gone in the next hour or two but that only makes it worse. You would be gone when he was this needy? He wanted to make an excuse to have you come back for another session. But it was quite obvious he would be dragging out the appointment when he only needed to do a small section when the two of you were done with lunch. He could have waited and finished, pushed your lunch back, and waved goodbye but no. 

He swiveled his chair away from you, taking a sip from his almost empty cup of coffee as you slid down the bed to stand. Hyunjin takes a breath and prays you don't notice but it's the first thing you see when he turns, the strained outline not very well hidden. You pretend to look out the window, feeling your cheeks get hot. All you can think about is if it was your noises that did it, all the whimpering wasn't usually how you handled tattoos but this one was the biggest piece you've gotten, and didn't know two sessions would make your usually composed self break so easily. it would explain the silence compared to yesterday. So you toy with the idea, how far would he go if you made yourself available? 

You grabbed lunch together, hyunjin putting a pillow over his lap to steady his plate of food but both of you knew that wasn't the real reason. And when you were back in the chair you intentionally let your skirt roll up this time. It doesn't help that he's now working on the part of the tattoo closest to your center, how he wraps his hand around your thigh, pushing your legs further apart to reach a spot on your inner thigh. Gloved fingers brushing over your panties for the smallest second, your hips sinking into the seat to keep yourself from moving. Hyunjin noticed but needed to get through the rest of the tattoo, if he stopped now he wouldn't know when he would start again. Your lip between your teeth he watched as you tried to close your legs again to block your exposed panties, now wet with your slick and nothing else. He could see the spot and almost ripped his gloves off as soon as he finished his work. But now he was teasing you. Cleaning the tattoo down and wiping it down. He doesn't even bother with the normal photos he would take right away instead putting on the second skin to protect the tattoo. As he smooths the thin film over your inner thigh he lets his fingers slip up brushing against your center to see your reaction. 

Your head rolls to your shoulder watching him through your lashes as he takes off his gloves and tosses them on the cart. He lifts the armrest on the tattoo chair before reaching behind your knees to pull you to the edge of the seat so your legs are dangling off the side. “how is it someone can make the prettiest sounds and sit so still for me?” he leans down and plants a kiss on your tattooless thigh, “because all I could think about was how I wanted to see your legs shaking for me while you whined like that,” 

you tried to draw your knees together but he was in the way, kissing up your inner thigh, nipping at your skin with his teeth. When he reached your skirt he flipped it up with a lazy hand giving you no time before his thumb was over your clit rubbing a harsh circle over the fabric. You felt the shock run up to your stomach, your voice breathy as you whimpered his name. He followed the wet line down the front of your panties before hooking his finger along the seam to pull them back. He wanted one taste, needed one taste but knew he wouldn't stop at just one, not when you looked this edible and ready for him. 

He ravages your clit, your hands shooting to his head burying your fingers in his hair as he sucks. He's careful of your tattoo but your other thigh is fair game for him to wrap his arm around and push you open, fingers bruising with how he spreads you. His free hand prodded your entrance, circling in your wetness before slipping in knuckle deep. “Hyunjin,” you whine, your hips rocking against his lips, feeling the build up of your orgasm. He curls his fingers pressing up into you enough to make your legs jerk from the new angle. 

You're seeing spot before too long, hips stuttering as he gives a final hard suck, fingers still as you clench around them. You're moaning so loud you're sure someone will hear but you don't even care. Hyunjin doesn't stop the flick of his tongue against your clit making you cry out, “I said I wanted to see them shake,” devilish smile covered in your slick before he latches on to your clit again. Fingers pumping in and out of you before he presses deeper into you. You can feel tears at the corners of your eyes, and when he pulls away slightly to let his teeth brush your clit you're done for, legs trembling as you cum. He is persistent and you have to tug his head away, a slight smile stuck on his wet lips as he watches your body shake from the overstimulation. “once more?” 

“I can't- I can't do it,” you shake your head but he drags his fingers out slowly before inching them back in, your hips jumping. 

“I know you can, you've been doing so good for me already, one more time won't hurt,” he hums, dipping his nose down to brush over your nub. Jolting at the feeling he turns his head to kiss your inner thigh, slowly building up speed with his fingers, “can't you do just one more?” it's the way he asks so softly, the heavy gaze under heavier eyelids that makes you nod. 

You're so sensitive that one lick has you shaking, your orgasm feeling so far and yet so close all at once. His tongue laps through your folds circling your clit. Hyunjin is obsessed with the taste of you, completely under the spell of your pussy and how it responds to his touch. He could go all night eating you out, watching as you fell apart again and again before him. Your cries are getting louder and before you know it your back is arching into him almost coming off the seat, your orgasm so intense you don't expect the clear fluid to squirt out of you until it has. 

You're breathing so labored you place a hand over your chest to try and calm yourself. hyunjins pleased grin is the only thing you see before he pulls his fingers out of you and sticks them in his mouth to clean them. Every once in a while your legs jerk from an aftershock, the delight in his eyes worth how tired you feel. Your thighs are sticking to the leather seat under you as Hyunjin pulls your underwear back into place leaning down to leave a ghost of a kiss over your clothed clit. “next time I want you to cry this pretty for my cock okay?”

[certaimromance]

𝜗𝜚 A Picture of a Cat.

Spencer Reid x Forensic!reader

main masterlist

Summary: After months of emailing back and forth, you finally meet the person you've been chatting with every day. Then you realize that Spencer is not just a girl's name.

Words: 2,7k.

Warnings & Tags: fem!reader. with spencer of the early seasons very much in love in mind. the reader has a cat and has little faith in men (literally me, sorry). SO MUCH chaos and maybe lack of communication but happy ending. english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: This is pretty chaotic and not particularly serious😭 It might be best not to try to make sense of it. They're just two idiots in love, really.

To say that Spencer was dying of nervousness was not enough to describe his true feelings.

From the moment he woke up this morning without any mail from you in his inbox, he began to feel that his day was going wrong and that it was becoming an endless nightmare. He had lost count of all the times he had checked his mail at work, hoping to see even a one-line message from you to calm his anxiety.

As someone who had received your good morning every day without fail for the last four months that you had been talking to each other daily, he was completely taken aback and couldn't quite put his finger on why. Perhaps he had said something to offend you, or maybe you were just not feeling the spark anymore. But astonishingly, none of your numerous emails that he had taken the time to reread on the jet indicated any cause for concern.

Everything had been so positive with you recently, and he was grateful to have someone to talk to, even if it was through a computer, every time he finished a challenging case and his mind just wanted to focus on something else. He found great comfort in reading about your day and your thoughts every morning, as if it were his newspaper. Even the pictures you always sent him of your cat sleeping in cute poses, eating, or doing anything else made him smile and gave him the idea of adopting a pet, even when he had never thought about the possibility of it before. You always helped him realize some desires he hadn't previously considered.

But suddenly he didn't have any of it. Nothing at all.

Reid's gaze fell once upon the computer on his desk, and his face was illuminated by its light as he reopened his email page for what might have been the thousandth time that day. His fingers tapped over and over on his knee in an attempt to calm his nerves as the page loaded at a slow pace. He took the opportunity to look at the time on the clock hanging on the wall in front of him. It was ten o'clock at night, and yet, once again, there was no trace of you among his messages.

His heart stopped for a second when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, and he had to close the page he had opened on his computer at full speed before he could even realize who it was.

“Hey, take it easy, kid.” Derek said gently, removing his hand from his shoulder and stepping back a step. His eyes fell on the computer screen, and he was intrigued. “What were you watching?” He asked, with a playful smile.

“N-nothing.” Spencer's voice trembled beyond his control, and he quickly rose from his chair, trying to shield the computer with his body.

You had been his best-kept secret for quite some time, and he was content with that. He enjoyed the idea of maintaining a certain level of privacy in that aspect of his life, as something just between you two. It was more special and romantic that way.

“Nothing? Is that what they call those things now?” Derek inquired, his tone teasing but not unkind. The boy blushed a little, unsure why. “I must admit I'm surprised.”

Reid had to think for a few seconds to figure out what his colleague was talking about, but even before he could understand, Morgan had started speaking again.

“Anyway, turn that off.” He said, pointing to the computer and settling his bag over his shoulder, ready to go. “Someone's waiting for you in the boardroom.”

Almost automatically, Spencer frowned and watched him, waiting for him to provide more information or at least laugh if he was making a joke. However, that didn't occur. Derek didn't laugh at him or anything of that nature.

“Go, Reid. It might be best not to keep the girl waiting.” He gave his friend a gentle pat on the shoulder and a reassuring smile before heading off on the way to the elevator.

A girl? Waiting for him? How?

Spencer took a moment to collect his thoughts, attempting to grasp the meaning behind Derek's words and the circumstances surrounding the supposed visitor. With a measured pace, he stepped away from his desk and proceeded down the hallway, heading for the boardroom with a contemplative demeanor.

As he opened the door and cautiously stepped inside, he was met with the most glorious sight of his life, the one he had waited so long for, the one that now quickened his pulse and seemed to bring him back to life after feeling dead all day.

You.

Standing at the table, looking intently at the various maps and data scattered around the round table in the center of the room. So deep in thought that you were not even aware of his presence. As pretty as in the pictures of you that he had seen.

He couldn't help but let out a little "oh my" at the sight of you. His heart was pounding so hard he thought he could hear it from across the room, or maybe his ears were just ringing from the blood rushing to his head. Reid stood still, looking at you, amazed. He could see how the light touched your hair and how you bit your lip as you concentrated on organizing the papers and a folder in your hand. It was real. It had to be real.

“Hi.” His voice suddenly startled you, making you realize that you were no longer alone and that the door was now open.

You look up from the documents you are examining and see him by chance. It takes you a moment to realize that he works there, and only by the FBI badge in his pants pocket.

“Hi.” You responded after giving him a very obvious visual scan.

Your voice.

It was the first time he'd heard you speak, and it was just as he'd imagined it would be.

“I’m-” You extended your hand in a cordial manner to introduce yourself, but he interrupted.

“I know who you are.” He spoke quickly, smiling at you. “I...I...you are...” Reid cursed himself for stuttering the sentence as his tongue suddenly felt too heavy in his mouth.

“Okay…I'm waiting for someone.” You said it politely, but your tone showed your anxiety.

Oh, you didn't know it was him.

Spencer let out a laugh to relieve the growing tension, but it came out sounding like a cough. He wanted to hit himself. Why was he acting like a child? He was an agent, for God's sake. His job was to talk to complete strangers every day and do entire profiles without getting nervous. He found it hard to understand how that was changing so much now. He took a deep breath and forced himself to speak more clearly.

“Yes, I know.” He replied, sounding a bit nervous. His voice was a little shaky, as if he was straining to get the words out.

“Do you know if this person is coming?” You were standing there with your arms crossed, trying to see if anyone else was coming after him.

At that moment, a look of confusion came over his face. It had not even crossed your mind that it might be him. And although it was to be expected and totally understandable since you had never seen a picture of him, Spencer still felt a twinge of pain and insecurity inside. Perhaps you expected him to look different, or at least not look like a kid playing federal agent.

Maybe it would have been helpful if he had sent you a picture of himself when you sent yours. That way, you might have had a better idea of what to expect. But you were very understanding of his insecurities and lack of comfort with the photos at the time. So he thought everything would be fine anyway…he was so wrong.

He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before speaking up. “Actually, it's me.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck and trying to hide how nervous he was, with little success.

As soon as he said it, you looked surprised, your mouth slightly open, and then you laughed.

“That's pretty funny.” You said it with a slightly uncomfortable smile. When you realized he wasn't laughing, you added, “Good joke.”

Seeing your reaction, Spencer felt the urge to shrink back and disappear, as if that action could erase the last few seconds of your memory and also erase the feeling he suddenly had of having screwed up in an unfamiliar way. He felt his chest tighten as you asked him again if the person you were waiting for was coming. Was it so hard to believe that he was the person you were talking to? The one who earned your trust and affection?

“I spent several hours on a plane, so please let me know if your colleague is coming.” You spoke again, your tone conveying a hint of disappointment and fatigue. “If I'm a nuisance and Spencer doesn't want to see me, I'd appreciate knowing that.”

Hearing you say his first name gave him an unexpected shiver. It sounded so pleasant and intimate. He took another deep breath and forced herself to speak clearly.

“Wait, he does want to see you.” He paused for a moment, realizing he sounded a bit ridiculous. “I mean, I do. I'm Spencer.”

You're momentarily taken aback, unsure if the guy in front of you is joking. His nervous expression suggests otherwise, and you even entertain the possibility that he might be crazy.

Oh my goodness, you were all alone on a practically empty floor of the FBI offices with an insane agent.

“Just let me know if she's coming or not, please.” You said, taking a few steps back to be at a safe distance from him.

His mouth was so dry he could only manage a soft, hoarse whisper. “She? Did you think I was a girl?”

“You?” You furrowed your brow, feeling more confused and uneasy.

At last, he had a suggestion and reached into his pocket to retrieve his badge, holding it out to you in a gesture that seemed to convey innocence.

“I’m Spencer Reid.” He said, his voice betraying a hint of awkwardness as he was caught off guard by the peculiar turn of events.

You looked at the badge, confused, and slowly looked up, looking into his eyes closely for the first time. You studied his face intently, not really believing it.

“Are you Spencer? My Spencer?” You asked.

When you said “my,” he felt a flutter in his chest. His brain was trying to tell him not to get too invested in the moment, but the vulnerable part of him was moved by the way you said it, like he was all yours. There was a special air of affection there that he liked.

“Yes.” He replied, almost in a whisper. “I am.”

You had to take a moment to process the information, eyes glued to his as you tried to make sense of it. Little by little, you come to understand. This was the person you had been talking to every day for months—the person with whom you had shared your fears, stories, and dreams. Yet you hadn't even asked him for a picture or a call—anything that would have made you realize that he wasn't a woman. It seems almost unreal to you to have fallen into such a confusion.

“I sent pictures of my cat to a man?!” Was the first thing you thought, and it managed to come out of your mouth clearly, in an indignant tone. “I said you were my soulmate!”

Now you were the one who sounded insane.

He stood there for a few moments, looking at you and seeing the different emotions on your face. When he finally spoke, his voice had a hint of insecurity in it.

“Yes…but your cat is cute, and you take good pictures.” He scratched the back of his neck, looking a bit nervous. “Did you know that the evocative power of images is widely studied? They can help us verbalize and even rescue forgotten memories and stories from our collective memory and-” He silences himself. “Sorry.”

When he fell silent, your brain couldn't do the same, and thousands of hard-to-filter words began to appear. You had a strange feeling in your chest, a mixture of familiarity with the way his ramblings sounded to you, just like the emails you loved so much, and confusion about the whole situation.

“This is so strange.” You said to yourself, pacing around the room a couple of times. “I was so stupid-”

He observed you with great interest, trying to discern the thoughts and feelings that were likely swirling in your mind. He could empathize with your confusion, as he was also uncertain about the circumstances. He couldn't blame you for feeling bewildered. You had embarked on your journey with the expectation of meeting a girl named Spencer, but instead, you encountered him. You had envisioned a lovely girl, and you found him—a simple individual, a nerd who had been told on numerous occasions that nerds lacked charm.

“No. You're not.” He said, attempting to manage his desire to bridge the gap and offer solace. “It was a misunderstanding. I should have provided you with more information.”

“How would you even start a conversation by saying you were a man?” You let out a laugh to yourself. “I would have stopped talking to you instantly.”

The sentence hit him right in the heart.

The two of you had the opportunity to communicate by mail when your boss asked you to send reports on several of the autopsies with similarities you had done to the BAU. It was then that a picture of your cat was sent in the middle of the files. Spencer was the one who received it and made an attempt at a joke after your long apology. And then another, and another, until you ended up talking for four months until now.

But if you had known from the beginning that he wasn't a woman, you wouldn't have bothered to get to know him at all.

“I...I don't know what to tell you..” He admitted, sounding a little more vulnerable. “But why did you think I was a woman?”

After a moment's thought, you said. “Your name made me think of a girl I knew in college. And you...you were so nice and sweet in your emails that I found it hard to believe that a man could be like that through a screen.”

When you shared how you perceived him through his emails, it seemed that a certain vulnerability came to light. The situation had turned the tables, and now he was the one standing there trying to process the information.

“I thought I finally had a friend. You know what my job is like...and yours is just as all-consuming.” You spoke again, having to sit for a moment in one of the chairs in the place, trying to calm down. “It would've been great to have someone who understood me as a friend.”

He felt a pang in his heart at your words and was instantly reminded of the times you'd confided in him about how isolated you felt in your lab, surrounded by dead people and computers.

“You can still do that.” He replied without thinking. “I’m still the same person as before, just different packaging.”

For you, it was much more than that. First of all, you trusted him in the beginning because you thought he was a girl; that's why he understood you so much and you had that special connection.

Hell, you'd even told him how bad your period was, and he'd understood so well. He'd given you tips and facts that you didn't know that were beyond your expectations of what the average man knew.

“I mean, I'm still someone you can talk to.” He continued, his hands moving nervously in his pockets. “Unless you...unless you don't feel that way anymore.”

When you finally spoke, your voice sounded almost whispery and gentle. He couldn’t help but lift his gaze from the floor to you, feeling how his body relaxed just a bit with the soft sound of your voice.

“No, no. I still want to talk to you…if you’re my Spencer.”

“I am, all yours.” He replied with a smile.

[rosylix]

Hii! I've never requested but I can't get this idea out of my mind..

So basically Felix and reader have been college roommates for a year or two but Felix ends up falling for them and has to tell them cos it’s only a few months till graduation.

Totally understand if you can't do it, but thought I'd ask!

everglow

𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝒸𝓊𝓁𝒶𝓇 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓂𝓸𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓮𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶 𝓈𝓅𝓮𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁

your best friend and roommate is acting especially sentimental tonight. you try to get to the bottom of it

pairing: felix × gn!reader

wc: 6.3k

content: college au, friends to lovers, feelings realization, shy felix, oblivious reader, they're nerds, fluff, light angst, crying?, pouty lix, kissing, mildly suggestive?, hopeful ending

a/n: my first fulfilled request?? i apologize if this was sitting in my inbox for forever.. i wasn't planning on writing a whole thing but then suddenly. i had an epiphany. ty for helping me out of writers block anon 🫶 i hope this is kinda how you were envisioning it!

[also read on ao3]

—

Your college dorm is a familiar sight, the mess of papers and coffee cups giving away the fact that the end of the year is fast approaching. You've been sharing this space with Felix for the past couple years, both of you working hard to keep your grades up and—hopefully, somehow—graduate?

…You're sure it'll be fine. As long as you do well enough on your capstone project, which is why you're sitting at Felix's desk, dutifully researching. Sometimes you take to his room when you need a change of scenery or just want company; though it's just you right now as Felix had to leave for class earlier.

You're just about to take a stretch break when you hear the front door open and soon enough, Felix trudges into the room. “Still here?” he says when he sees you.

“Unfortunately.” You set your things down and look over at him with a long sigh to convey your exhaustion.

“Dude, same,” he groans, tossing his bag on the floor before flopping down on his bed. “I don't think I've ever been so fucking tired in my life. Why did I pursue higher education again?”

That gets you to laugh a little. “Maybe for some kind of high-paying job and… a sense of accomplishment?” you suggest.

He lets out another groan, rolling over on his side. “But at what fucking cost? Sleep deprivation and a caffeine addiction?” He looks at you with wide, pleading eyes. “Remind me why I'm doing this again.”

You get up and walk over to his bed, sitting down on the edge next to him, a playful smile on your face. “Well, I seem to recall someone who said they wanted to be some hot shot computer engineer.”

He props himself up on one elbow to face you. “Ooh, you think I'm hot?” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

You give him a look that hopefully conveys how much of an idiot you think he is. “Hot shot, dumbass.” 

…Still, it would be dishonest to disagree: your roommate is attractive. Anyone with a working set of eyes can see that.

“Ohh, I see. You think I'm hot shit?”

You roll your eyes so far back it almost hurts. “As if you don't hear that enough.”

He grins, clearly amused and clearly not above shamelessly fishing for compliments. “Oh, but it's so much more fun to hear it from you,” he teases, leaning back against his pillow.

You give him a withering glare but he just reaches out and pats the spot next to him on the bed. “Come sit down.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “I am literally sitting down.”

“Okay, well, closer, genius.”

You sigh exaggeratedly, but you humor him anyway, scooting over closer to where he's lounging on the bed. You thought that was enough, but this is Felix, and you should have known better. He reaches out and grabs your wrist, gently but firmly tugging you down next to him.

He shifts so he's on his side facing you and grins, clearly satisfied. His hair is messy and there's a hint of dark circles under his eyes, but he still manages to look unfairly attractive.

You shake your head at his antics and let out a long sigh. “Well… You've already made it this far, you know,” you tell him. “Only a few months left of dealing with school, and then you're done.”

“...Yeah.”

He's quiet for a moment, his gaze drifting across your face, a hint of something almost like melancholy in his eyes.

“Why am I kinda sad, though?” he finally asks with a chuckle.

You blink. “Sad? About being done with school?”

He nods. “I mean, I want to be done, god, believe me I do, but…” He blows out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I dunno, it just doesn't feel as good as I expected it to. And I'm…” He pauses, clearly thinking his words over.

“I'm… gonna miss this, honestly. A lot.”

“This?” You gesture around the room. "You're going to miss this? Our tiny-ass, overpriced apartment?"

He laughs at that. “Not this place, I guess.”

“Then? The constant lack of sleep? Exams? The shitty cafeteria food?”

“Please,” Felix scoffs before taking a deep breath, looking somewhere behind you. “I'm… going to miss this." He looks back at you and pokes your shoulder for emphasis. “This. Us living together. Hanging out all the time. I'm going to miss that.”

You blink, a little taken aback at his earnestness. “Oh,” you say intelligently. “Yeah. I…”

You try to ignore the way your heart is suddenly in your throat. In truth, you've been doing your best not to think about it, how things will inevitably change after graduation.

“I mean…” you start. “It's not like we're never going to see each other again or something. We'll keep in touch, right?” But even as you say it, you feel yourself deflating. It’s not the same.

His expression reflects yours, his smile soft but a little sad around the edges. “...Of course we will.” He sounds like he's saying it as much to himself as he is to you. 

He's silent for another moment, his fingers gently running over the blanket, not quite meeting your gaze.

“It won't… be the same though,” he says, mirroring your own thoughts. “Like— you know? I'm gonna miss the convenience store we always go to at 2AM, I'm gonna miss our late-night study sessions and the shitty coffee you make, I'm gonna miss how you always use up the hot water in the shower and your annoying alarm waking me up at fuck-ass in the morning—” He suddenly cuts off, a flush rising in his cheeks.

He turns on his back again, slinging an arm over his eyes. “Ugh, I don't know, just shut up and let me wallow in my feelings.”

You're honestly a little speechless. All that, things he claims are annoying — he's going to miss it all that much?

“Hey,” you say gently, nudging his shoulder. “Hey, you sap, look at me.”

“No. I'm wallowing.”

You roll your eyes. “I can see that.” You poke his arm. Then again, harder. “Come on, look at me.”

Felix huffs dramatically, lowering his arm and turning his head to look at you from the corner of his eye. “What? I’m looking.”

Your heart clenches at the sight of him. He's pouting, looking a little petulant but still so endearingly cute, and you can definitely see the hint of embarrassment in his gaze as he peeks at you.

You let a smile spread across your face. “You're gonna miss me.”

Felix averts his gaze, his cheeks going a little pinker. “I mean, a little, I guess,” he mumbles, before letting out a heavy, dramatic sigh. “Ugh, why are you looking at me like that? Don't let it go to your head or anything.”

It's so obvious that it's more than just a little — but you decide not to call him out on it. Instead, you lean forward, propping yourself up with one arm. “Too late,” you tease, grinning widely. “You're gonna miss me so much.”

He groans, throwing his forearm over his eyes again. "Whatever. Shut up.”

You look at him silently for a moment, taking in his flushed face and his messy hair. God, he's so cute. You've always been aware of how pretty he is, but there's something about seeing him like this, completely unguarded and vulnerable, that's making your lungs feel tight.

You clear your throat awkwardly, shifting your gaze away from him. “Hey, come on, cheer up.”

“No,” he says, still hiding his face behind his arm. “I'll just lay here and wallow and die."

“So dramatic,” you chide, poking his side roughly, trying to distract yourself from your own thoughts. You're starting to feel a little flustered too.

He whines at the contact, swatting at your hand, but you notice he hasn't moved his other arm away from his face. “Ow, hey, violence,” he complains, curling away from your fingers. “Ow, ow, dude—”

You reach out and grab his wrist, pulling his hand away from his face. He lets out a half-hearted protest, but doesn’t get the chance to resist.

Oh. His eyes are shining.

You freeze. 

He's pouting again, but it's less childish now and more vulnerable, embarrassed. For a moment you just sort of stare, suddenly hyper-aware of how close the two of you are. His face is so close, so pretty, and your heart is doing something strange, beating rapidly in your chest.

“You’re—” You clear your throat, struggling with what to say. You… hadn’t realized how much this was impacting him.

He looks away and blinks hard, but his eyes are still a bit misty, unshed tears stubbornly sticking to his eyelashes. “Sorry. I'm being stupid,” he finally says, his voice a little quiet. “Ignore me, I'm just being weird, it's—” He swallows. “...I'm tired.”

Oh, god. You've been joking and teasing and making fun, but now you just feel like the biggest jerk, because he's actually really upset about this.

“Wait, no,” you murmur, suddenly serious. “No, it’s not— You're not being stupid. I—” You're having a lot more trouble than usual forming coherent sentences.

Your hand is still around his wrist, your fingers pressing against his pulse point. You squeeze it lightly. “It's okay.” You can feel the rapid beating of his heart, in contrast to the rest of him lying completely still. “It's not stupid. I’m— I'm gonna miss you too, idiot.”

He lets out a wet sounding laugh at that, rolling his eyes, but he doesn’t pull his arm away from your grip. “So mean,” he says. “Do you have to insult me to say nice things?”

“Well, yeah.”

The corners of his mouth twitch and you feel a bit of relief that you've managed to cheer him up a little.

“But you mean it?” He looks up at you with a shy expression. “You're gonna miss me?”

“Of course,” you say, suddenly struck by how much you mean it. “Yeah, I am. A lot.”

He lets out a low breath, eyes flicking over your face. “Yeah?” he says quietly. 

It's silent for a moment. Felix is still looking at you, a little shyly, and it's driving you a little crazy. He sighs, his brow pinched slightly, like he’s struggling with some internal conflict. You wait patiently, giving him space to express what he wants to say.

But he doesn't. Just averts his eyes and blinks harshly at the wall behind you.

“Please don't cry or I'll start crying too,” you say with a bit of a nervous laugh.

Felix lets out a shaky breath. “...I’m not going to cry.”

You give him a look. 

“I’m not,” he insists, using his free hand to rub his eyes. “I have allergies or something, I just— I—”

He hesitates, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. 

“Okay, look,” he sits up, pulling his wrist free from your grip and taking a deep breath. “It's just— I…” He stops, running a hand through his hair nervously. 

“Felix?” you ask, sitting up too. You're starting to get a little concerned. Why is the mood suddenly so weird?

He groans, burying his face in his hands, his voice muffled when he speaks. “This is embarrassing.”

It doesn't help your concern. “What’s embarrassing?” you ask carefully, trying to keep your voice steady.

“This,” he mutters, still hiding his face.

You hesitate a moment, not really knowing what to do, before tentatively reaching out and touching his arm. “Um… It's fine, you can talk to me.”

He lets out a frustrated breath before finally looking at you. “You’re not gonna like it.”

Oh. “Well… Did you… like, kill someone or something?”

Felix stares at you for a moment, clearly trying to keep a straight face but his lips twitch a little. “No, I didn’t kill anyone, you psychopath,” he says dryly.

“Okay, well, good,” you say, clearing your throat. “No illegal activities? The government isn't after you?”

“I… No,” he says slowly.

This conversation is taking a bizarre turn. “And you're not, like… secretly an alien sent to spy on humans this whole time? And… now you have to return to your home planet to plot the annihilation of Earth?”

That finally gets Felix to laugh. “You're— you're a fucking idiot,” he says through giggles. “Seriously.”

“I’m just checking,” you say, crossing your arms. “You're being all weird and shit and…” you gesture vaguely. “Maybe you're an alien. I don't know.”

That only sets him off giggling again. “Oh my god,” he says, leaning his forehead on your shoulder, his body shaking with laughter. “Why are you so dumb.”

You roll your eyes, just relieved to see him smile. He's much more relaxed now, the mood in the room lifted with his laughter. All part of your plan. You're more than happy to appear ridiculous if it means seeing him laugh.

He finally stops laughing, though he’s still smiling a little as he lifts his head and looks at you. He’s much closer than you anticipated, and you try not to be too distracted by the freckles around his eyes and the way his eyelashes flutter when he blinks as his gaze flicks across your face. He’s looking at you intently, and the air in the room feels charged, electric almost.

“You…” he starts, but hesitates, cutting himself off with a shake of his head. “Why are you so dumb,” he repeats.

Wow. “Now who's being mean?” you pout.

He laughs again, but it’s softer than before, a shaky, nervous sound. “God, I— this is so stupid, I—”

He lets out a frustrated breath, staring directly into your eyes, his expression intense and focused. “How do you not notice,” he mutters under his breath.

You’re frozen under his gaze, your heart suddenly in your throat. “Notice… what?”

Felix closes his eyes. “Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.”

What? “It seems like it matters since you’re…”

He opens his eyes again, looking a bit pained as he looks at you. “Just… just forget it.”

You don’t know what to say. You can feel your heart beating wildly in your chest, your hands shaking slightly. “Uh… okay,” you say. “Sorry for… being dumb…?”

He grimaces. “No, I didn't mean it like—”

He lets out a long, heavy breath, shaking his head. Then he reaches out and takes your hand, his fingers brushing against your wrist.

His voice is quieter when he speaks, looking down, idly playing with your fingers. “Just… you’re supposed to notice,” he mumbles, almost to himself. “It’s supposed to be obvious.”

You stare at him, confused and flustered and… honestly, a little distracted by how he's touching your hand. “What's… uhh, what?” Everything feels like it's too much all of a sudden, and your chest is really starting to do something weird.

He sighs. “Nevermind. Seriously.”

There's a moment of silence before he speaks again. “When we graduate,” he starts. “...Which I guess is really soon, huh.”

The way he says it makes your chest pang painfully. He’s still not looking at you. “I won’t see you anymore…” he murmurs, his voice so quiet you can barely hear him.

You grab his hand, stopping him from fiddling with your fingers, and squeeze gently. “Hey,” you say. “C’mon, it’s not like that.”

He huffs out a bitter laugh. “Isn't it, though?”

It kind of feels like you’ve been punched in the gut. This isn't like him, he's usually the one full of sunshine and optimism, reassuring you. But right now, the defeat in his voice is palpable.

The reality of the situation starts sinking in. Time’s almost up.

“Felix,” you say quietly, and he finally lifts his eyes up from his lap to look at you. His eyes are watery again.

He swallows, his voice breaking a little as he speaks. “Sorry, I’m being… I’m being unfair, I just…” He hesitates before continuing. “I don’t want to not see you.”

You frown, tears pricking your eyes now too. You don't trust your voice to speak, throat feeling tight and uncomfortable.

“And you’re just… so oblivious,” he continues, his finger tracing over your knuckles. “So stubborn, and dumb, and you’re probably the most annoying person I’ve ever met in my life and I seriously cannot believe I like—”

He cuts off suddenly, slapping a hand over his mouth.

Wait.

“Felix,” you murmur, and his eyes dart up to meet yours, a little panicked. He tries to jerk his hand away from yours, but you hold on tighter, keeping him in place.

“Felix,” you repeat, your skin buzzing from the way he’s looking at you. “You can’t just… leave me hanging like that.”

He looks away, face a brilliant crimson red. “Yeah, I can.”

You almost want to laugh. You didn’t realize he could be so shy, but you can’t focus on that now, because your heart is racing and you can’t tell if you’re going to pass out, or pass away.

“No, you can’t,” you say shakily. “When are you gonna tell me? At the commencement ceremony?”

He lets out a half-choked, almost hysterical sort of laugh, keeping his head turned away so he doesn’t have to look at you. “Yeah, something like that.”

He has to be joking. “That’s months away!”

“And?”

You shake your head, feeling dizzy. “I’m not gonna wait that long, are you insane?”

He huffs and glares at you, pouting. “Oh, well I’m sorry, would you just rather I shout it from the fucking roof tops then? Hey, everyone, I’ve been in love with my best friend since freshman year!”

What.

You blink, stunned speechless, your eyes wide. 

Your mind is spinning, the air in the room suddenly too thick to breathe. The words in love keep ringing in your ears, over and over again.

“You— you what?” you manage to get out, feeling a little faint. You must not have heard him correctly. You're hallucinating, or having a stroke or… something. He can't actually mean—

Felix winces. “...Fuck.” he mutters, dropping his head into his hands.

“Oh my god,” you whisper, brain still struggling to catch up to the situation. You’re still processing that he said the word love, when the last few words register.

“Wait— freshman year?” you say incredulously. “You’ve— since—?”

He’s clearly trying to act somewhat composed but the bright red on his ears betrays him. “Um. Yeah. Shut up. Stop talking,” he says, voice muffled from behind his hands.

You think about the past few years of your life, every interaction with him, and it’s like everything suddenly clicks into place.

The way his ears turn pink whenever you compliment him. The way you could always get under his skin so easily. You think about every time he got defensive, or huffy, or pouty at something innocuous you did or said.

…The way he's never really shown interest in anyone, despite the plenty of interest shown his way. The countless people he's turned down, for seemingly no reason. When you'd questioned him about it, he'd just laughed awkwardly and said he preferred to focus on his studies.

“Oh my god,” you say again.

Felix groans and hides his face further, his ears practically on fire. “Stop. Don't,” he mutters. “It's okay. Just… pretend you never heard that, okay, it's fine—”

“No.”

It’s silent for a moment, Felix still hiding his face, and your mind still swirling with thoughts. 

You kind of want to kiss him.

The realization is sudden, but not entirely unexpected. It’s not really a surprise, honestly, just another thing that feels natural. Maybe because deep down, of course somewhere along the line you've developed feelings for the person you can trust with anything, who gets you more than anyone else. Your favorite person in the world.

You’re only half in your right mind as you grab his wrists, pulling his hands off of his face.

“You ass,” you say, staring directly at him.

He looks at you with wide, panicked eyes. “I'm sorry—” he starts, but you cut him off.

“Can I kiss you?” 

He chokes, eyes going even wider. He opens his mouth, then closes it, clearly caught off guard. After a moment, he manages to find his voice, though it’s very high pitched and shaky. “What?”

You take a deep breath. “Can I kiss you,” you repeat, your head feeling fuzzy, your pulse pounding in your ears.

“…What?” he asks again. His face is bright red. “Are— are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” you murmur, leaning even closer, your faces almost touching.

His breath catches, and his eyes dart between your eyes and your lips. “Please say you’re not,” he manages to say, voice breaking.

“I’m not,” you say, feeling a little crazy. Insane, maybe. You can’t really bring yourself to care. “Can I?”

He doesn't give you an answer, letting out an incredulous breath before grabbing the front of your shirt and yanking you forward as he falls back so you land on top of him.

You’re about to protest at the continued lack of a clear answer, but then he’s kissing you and you forget how to speak.

It's not the most graceful kiss, you’re both a little clumsy, but it’s sweet and it’s Felix and that’s all that really matters. You figure it out quickly, getting into a rhythm, and he lets out a shaky breath against your mouth, his hand moving to tangle in your hair. You feel like you’re dreaming, or drowning, or both.

Felix is kissing you. Felix is kissing you. Your closest friend. He’s in love with you, and he’s kissing you.

It makes your head spin. After several moments, you finally pull away, panting and dizzy. You feel a little delirious, staring down at him, both of you catching your breath.

His head falls back against the pillow, face turning impossibly red as he blinks at you like he’s in shock. You laugh a little and he huffs, but his eyes soften.

“So… you, uh— You— Are you—?”

You cut him off with another touch of your lips, effectively shutting him up. He instantly melts into it, tightens his grip in your hair, pulling you further into the kiss, and you can’t think straight, everything is just Felix. 

After a while, you’re forced to break away again for air. Felix whines at the loss of contact, eyes half-lidded, his cheeks flushed. You only manage to get a few breaths in before he's pulling you down into another kiss, more urgently this time.

You let out a surprised noise, and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. He seems to be determined to kiss you senseless, and it’s working. 

He bites your bottom lip, making you gasp into his mouth. He mumbles something in response, his thigh sliding between your legs, and your brain short-circuits.

Okay. You shiver. Okay. You should probably… You manage to pull away for a much needed breath and Felix tries to chase after your mouth, but you press a hand to his chest to hold him in place.

He groans, looking frustrated, but flops back against the pillow obediently. He blinks at you dazedly, his own chest heaving, eyes half-lidded and dark, but his expression quickly morphs into a pout. “Why… Why…?” he complains, trying to tug you closer again.

You huff a weak laugh, shaking your head, and he gives you a wide-eyed look, all innocence and sweetness, and that's not fair that he can look like this after all of that.

“Just— one sec,” you somehow get out, your mind still completely overloaded. “We should… uh…”

He’s still trying to reach your mouth. “What,” he mutters, breathing heavily against your neck.

“Talk,” you manage to say, even as his lips make their way to your jaw. “We should… we need to… oh my god—”

You cut off, stifling a gasp as he sucks on your skin. “Felix,” you say, trying to be stern, but it comes out like a moan instead.

“Mm?” he hums against your ear, completely unapologetic. “You want to… talk?”

“Yeah.” It takes all your willpower to pull away, ignoring how he whines in protest. You sit up and take a moment to compose yourself, willing yourself to ignore the urge to just give in to him.

Felix flops back onto the bed, throwing his arm over his eyes as he sighs, his voice sounding a little raspy.

“Sorry,” he mutters, his ears red. “Sorry, god, I've thought about this so much, I just—”

Oh. “You’ve… thought about…? How much…?”

He makes a strangled noise and covers his face more thoroughly, voice muffled. “Oh my god,” he groans, “I'm going to fucking die. I… a lot.”

…Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. Okay.

“...How much is a lot?” you ask, unable to resist your curiosity. And maybe you want to tease him about it. Just a little.

He groans again. “So, so much. An embarrassing and pathetic amount.” He’s not even trying to hide his pouting. “Can you please not make me say the actual words.”

You bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing, but the way he sounds — breathless and embarrassed — it’s honestly kind of adorable. He’s always so confident in most aspects of his life that you kind of love seeing him so flustered.

“Please… don’t,” he mumbles, peeking at you. “I’m begging you…”

He's blinking up at you, the picture of innocence once again. He glances up at you through his eyelashes, all pretty and delicate and ugh, he's absolutely doing this on purpose.

“You’re distracting,” you say weakly, staring down at him. “Stop making cute faces at me.”

He does not stop making cute faces. He tries though, lowering his hands as his face drops into a scowl. “I’m not making a cute face,” he protests.

“Yeah, you are,” you say, raising an eyebrow. “You’re doing it right now. Your pouty thing.”

He sniffs. “I'm not,” he says petulantly, though there’s a hint of mirth in his eyes. “This is just my regular face. It’s not my fault if my face is cute.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

He opens his mouth to respond but you cut him off with a finger, placing it over his lips. His mouth instantly snaps shut, and you can’t resist a little grin as he looks up at you with wide eyes. 

You watch as he swallows, his eyes fixed on you, and, not for the first time, you’re reminded of how pretty he is. He’s always been gorgeous, in an objective sort of way, but you feel like you’re seeing him for the first time.

You move your hand away and take a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. You need to talk about this while you’re both still somewhat coherent, or you’ll go absolutely insane.

“So…” You’re a little pleased with how steady your voice is, considering the circumstances. “You… love me.”

Felix coughs and covers his face again. “Do you have to say it like that,” he groans, his voice muffled by his palms.

“You never… you never said anything.” 

He just shrugs, still hiding his face. “I was scared to lose you,” he says with a shaky breath. “I didn’t expect you to want me back…” There's no bitterness in his tone, just disbelief.

You frown. “But you’re—” You bite your tongue. Felix was worried about you not wanting him?

You shake your head, a somewhat acrid feeling welling up inside of you. You've seen firsthand the sheer amount of attention he gets from people, from the random gifts and outright confessions and people slipping him numbers and notes everywhere he goes. There's never been a shortage of interest in him, from all sorts of people. Compared to him, you're… nothing.

“So… this whole time, you just… thought I was clueless?” You're still trying to wrap your head around it.

He sighs. “I mean, kind of,” he says, his eyes peeking through his fingers. “You’ve been completely oblivious to anyone who’s ever flirted with you.” 

Including me, he doesn't say, but you're starting to put the pieces together.

You wince, your face flushing. “I’m not that oblivious,” you protest weakly. “I just… I’ve never been particularly interested in… anyone.” 

Felix stares at you, one eyebrow raised.

“Like…” It's true that you've never really liked anyone very strongly in all your time at college. Some fleeting crushes here and there, but even the few people you had tried to go on dates with always felt lacking in some inexplicable way. You always felt much better as soon as you'd come home to your shared space with Felix, always feeling the most comfortable in his presence. Was that it? All this time, no one could ever compare to your best friend? 

And the constant attention Felix would get… It annoyed the hell out of you. At first, you would tease him, even encourage him to give them a chance, delight in the way his face would turn bright red. But it quickly became so annoying watching him have to navigate awkward conversations, politely turn people down. Sure, a part of you was probably a bit insecure always watching him receive so much attention. At least, that's what you told yourself. But beyond that, you think you're finally starting to understand the feeling for what it is.

Jealousy.

“Oh my god.” You’re starting to realize what a mess this entire situation is. “We're both idiots.”

Felix finally drops his hands from his face, giving you a dry look. “Speak for yourself.”

"Shut up," you say absently, not even annoyed. Your head is reeling.

This is… a mess. Felix is in love with you, you’re pretty sure the feeling has been mutual for a while, and you’re both leaving this place in just a few months. 

“So… you’ve never liked anyone before?” Felix asks. His tone is a bit teasing, though there's curiosity beneath.

You make a face. “Um.” Yeah, that's what you thought for the past couple years until now. How much do you reveal?

All of the puzzle pieces are clicking into place in your mind, making your head hurt even more. So much time wasted, you want to cry.

“I guess no one ever compared to you,” you say without thinking, and immediately slap your hand over your face.

“Oh.” There’s a second of silence as you both process the words.

Then, Felix starts laughing.

“Oh my god,” he mutters, struggling to contain himself, barely managing to keep his laughter under control. Your face is growing redder by the second, embarrassed and annoyed.

“Will you stop?” you whine.

“I’m sorry, I just—” he tries to get himself together, taking a deep breath before looking at you fondly. “This is the corniest fucking shit I've ever— holy shit. We're actually both stupid.”

“I told you,” you say, smacking him on the arm. 

He just snickers, grabbing your wrist before you can hit him again. He pulls you so you’re half-lying on top of him again, and you can feel his shoulders shaking as if he’s trying to keep from bursting out into another fit of laughter.

You let your head fall against his chest with a huff, still annoyed even as he wraps an arm around you, his hand rubbing against your back.

“You jerk,” you mutter.

He hums, sounding amused. “You love me.”

You go rigid, and he starts to laugh again, obviously enjoying the fact that he found an easy way to fluster you. 

“Shut up,” you grumble weakly, burying your face against him.

It isn't fair. He’s had time to fully realize it, years apparently. He’s had time to process everything. Meanwhile, you feel like you’ve been completely blindsided. 

He finally stops laughing and you’re both quiet for a few moments. You can hear his heart drumming loud in his chest.

“Wow,” he says suddenly. “We could have avoided a lot of stress if we realized earlier.”

You let out a snort of semi-hysterical laughter. “I know,” you agree, before pausing and wincing. “Oh god, I can't believe we've been… that we've been living together…”

“Yeeeahh… That's been torture by the way,” he says conversationally, as if he's discussing the weather, and your cheeks flare up. 

“...Torture?”

He squeezes your side. “Are you kidding? Have you seen yourself every day? Every time you wear my jacket, or… anything? Wearing those hoodies on movie nights—”

“I get it,” you cut him off, your face absolutely burning. “I get it, I’m—”

“Stupid?” he offers helpfully. “Oblivious? Cute?”

“...You never said anything,” you say weakly in an attempt to defend yourself.

“I wasn't going to make things awkward,” he protests. “Can you imagine if I’d actually said anything and you just… what? Said no? And then we have to keep living together like normal?”

You bite your lip, trying to suppress the guilt stirring in your stomach. You can’t even begin to imagine what it's been like from his perspective.

“...Sorry.” You shift so you can actually look at him, but he won’t meet your eyes, his gaze fixed on the ceiling as he pouts.

“You really didn't notice?” he asks, finally looking at you. “Even a little?”

“No.” You feel a frustrated sort of laugh bubbling up. “We’ve been so stupid. We could’ve… we’ve wasted so much time, years—”

“Hey, hey,” he interrupts, seeing your expression, sitting up and gently placing his hand on your cheek, and you stop abruptly. “It doesn’t matter,” he says reassuringly. “We have time, okay? Plenty of time.”

You’re still struggling with the whole situation, trying to process everything as you stare at him. “But… we’re graduating.”

He gives you a small, unsure smile. “Yeah. We are.”

"And… I don't even know where I'm going. We could be—”

“Hey.” He cuts you off, placing a finger gently on your lips, and you bite your tongue, looking down at him. “Stop worrying so much. We’ll figure it out, okay?”

You try to take a deep breath and he leans forward until his forehead is touching yours. 

Your mind is still racing, your entire universe is completely tilted, and you’re not entirely sure how to deal with any of it. But Felix is close and his hand is still on your cheek and…

And you want to focus on that instead, ignore everything else for now.

“Yeah?” you say weakly, your eyes fluttering shut.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice a little more firm, and he brings his other hand up to cup your face.

“For now,” he continues, his breath warm against your skin. “Let’s just…” He lets out an unsteady laugh, his hands still gently framing your face. “Can we just…”

Your entire body feels a little shaky. You lean forward a bit, closing the distance, and he sucks in a sharp breath.

“Yeah,” he breathes before slanting his mouth against yours.

It’s not very decorous. You’re both a little desperate, a little uncoordinated, trying to make up for years of lost time.

It’s messy and you can feel that he’s still a little nervous — as are you — but he's also determined. He pulls you closer, one of his hands sliding into your hair, tugging gently in a way that makes you gasp into his mouth.

Then he suddenly pulls back after a few moments, laughing when you whine pathetically in protest.

“Shh, hang on,” he says, slightly out of breath, and you open your eyes dizzily.

“...What?” you complain.

“Sorry,” he mutters. “I… I just remembered that I…”

You watch, utterly befuddled, as he pushes against your shoulders so he can sit up. He gently lifts you off of him, answering your whine of protest with a quick kiss before his hand drifts away from your face, reaching for his phone.

You try to grab at him. “What are you doing—”

He laughs and dodges out of your reach. “Just gimme a second,” he says, turning his phone on as he settles back on the bed.

You sit there, feeling dazed and frustrated as he taps at his phone, his attention focused on the screen. After a few moments, he finally seems to finish what he’s doing, putting his phone down with a satisfied hum.

When he meets your eyes, he just looks amused at your expression. “Sorry, sorry,” he says with a grin, moving closer to you again.

“What was so important,” you pout.

“I was meant to meet with my group mates for our project tonight,” he says. “So, I told them I'm feeling sick.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Felix.”

He has the audacity to just smile innocently, already shifting so he can push you down against the sheets.

“What?” he says casually, hovering over you, his hands coming to rest on your waist. “I wasn't gonna be able to focus anyways.”

“Oh.” You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks again. “Is… that really okay…?”

“Don't worry,” he says, leaning down and pressing a light kiss into your neck. “I practically carry them anyway, they can live without me for one night.”

You swallow, feeling his hands slide up your arms, his touch leaving a trail of sparks along your skin. “Okay,” you agree, completely distracted now, your thoughts hazy.

“Mhm.” He sucks on a sensitive spot on your collarbone and you let out a shaky exhale. “Can we focus on something else right now?”

You nod. He moves up to kiss you and you know, with him, you'll figure out whatever comes next.

For now, that's enough.

—

a/n: me, a mech eng major.. ofc i had to make felix a fellow engineer. nerds 4 life (do not study engineering i crave death every moment)

also yes title is the coldplay song bc im actually uncreative as hell and name everything after songs. how do ppl come up with titles (T＿T) but anyway since it's one of felix's fav songs i thought it was especially fitting 🤍

tysm for reading 🫶

buy me a cookie if you enjoyed <3

[kabr0ztrousers]

Can we get another hucow with some minotaur/bull hybrid action?

(Heavy on the pet play, pretty please!!)

Loving this challenge series, keep up the good fight!

Hucows and minotaurs? Two of my favourite subjects (as I'm sure you've all noticed)

Kabr0z Writes episode 46: Another day in the fields

Find the rest of the Kabr0z Writes anthology here!

This story loosely follows episode 34 - it's not required reading, but it is added context

CWs: enthusiastic consent; petplay; power imbalance; hucows; impregnation; heat cycle; forced creampie; breeding; belly-riding; cockwarming; public sex;

A/N: There's 16 asks in the box right now, so those of you who have submitted please don't lose faith! Also, do asks occasionally change their order in the inbox? I'm sure I'm seeing stuff in the middle of the pack I don't remember 😄 If things get a little whacky with the queue, I apologise

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It's been a year since you joined the herd. Since then you'd settled in with the girls, enjoying your daily milking, lazing in the fields, chewing the cud. Your body had changed too, you weren't trim or fit when you joined, but you never lost the baby weight from your child Aaron put in you when you joined his herd. You'd given birth a few months ago, your daughter joining the herd with you, but now your empty womb wants more.

The barn doors opened and Aaron entered, working from one end of the barn to the other, attaching the machinery to cow after cow. The women's soft mooing filling the barn. You knew how he worked, always snaking the same path through the barn so nobody was ever missed. You'd made sure you'd be one of the first, you didn't want anyone getting to him first, after all.

Aaron's huge hands stroked your hair, his big eyes looking into yours. You stroked his muzzle, eyes scanning his face, the gold ring in his nose, his long curving horns, before sliding down past his broad chest to the noticeable bulge in his jeans.

You relaxed under his touch, nuzzling up to his chest, one hand sliding up his leg

"Do you want something, girl?" He kept stroking, slipping a finger into your mouth, which you gently sucked on "Have you been a good girl?"

You nodded, his finger still in your mouth as you rubbed his crotch through his jeans

"Prove it, girl, be a good girl for me"

You opened his jeans, tugging them down to his knees and exposing his sheath. The end of his cock is poking out and drooling a little precum, a strand running from his tip to the front of his boxers. You stuck out your tongue, licking the sweet fluid from him, feeling his cock twitch as you did. Rubbing his sheath, you took the end of his cock in your mouth

"That's it, girl, that's it" His cock is growing rapidly, getting as long as your forearm. You can only get the very end in your mouth as you tease it with your tongue, wrapping your huge tits around it to rub the shaft.

He was grunting more and more. His cock pops out of your mouth, splattering your face with sticky precum. You want to taste his cum so badly, to drink it down like wine, but there's always going to be more.

You lie back, grabbing one of his horns as you roll. He lets himself be dragged down to you, looming over you on his hands and knees, the tip of him parting the lips of your leaking pussy

"Someone's a needy girl, huh, does my favourite cow want a present?"

You mooed and nodded, pushing your hips up into him, feeling his cock almost penetrating you. His hand brushed your clit, making you whimper and twitch. He tasted his finger, eyes closing in satisfaction "mmm, tastes like you're ready"

He locked eyes with you as he eased himself in, filling you up as you bucked against him, fucking yourself with his cock. He moved slowly, enjoying the tight wetness of your cunt as you used it to jack him off. He hit your cervix, but you knew how to get him deeper. Your hands close around his horns and you wrap your legs around him, using the extra leverage to pull your pelvis up to his, slipping his cock deeper inside.

He sighed as he hilted in you, before starting to thrust like a piledriver. Long, slow, deliberate, he's taking his time, enjoying every inch as he pulls out, then forces himself back inside. He sped up his strokes, driving himself into you. A long moan escapes you as you cum around him, legs holding him in as you tense and squeeze his cock, kissing his muzzle as your blissed-out head spins. His hands are around your waist, he rolls over, the motion forcing your legs to release him as he starts using your cunt, lifting you halfway off him before forcing you back down, again and again.

Your moaning and mooing is attracting attention, all the other cow-women in the barn are looking, many getting themselves off with their fingers, some eating out their fellows as the barn descends into an orgy.

Aaron holds you down, his cock throbbing and pulsing. A familiar warmth fills you, spreading out in your cunt, finally quenching the fire of your needy womb as the thick cum fills every corner of it. He gets up, still holding you to him, twitching cock still impaling you as he finishes attaching pumps to the other cows. You hold on to him as he moves, arms wrapped around his neck, legs hitched over his hips. You're a big lady now, but he still bears your weight like he did when you first met.

When all the other women are hooked up, milk flowing from their tits into the huge collection vat at the end of the barn, he finally pulls out of you. The huge flared end of his cock makes a lewd slurp as it comes free, glistening with both of your juices.

You know you're pregnant after that

And if not, you'll just try again tomorrow

##################################

This one followed on from a previous episode, but I realised I never actually named Aaron in the body of that work, only the postscript!

Anyway, here's your regular reminder that you, yes you, can request basically anything you like as long as it's smut and I'll probably wind up making it! Limits are in the pinned, but beyond that it's all good! And don't feel shy, anon is anon, the worst I can do is not publish it, after all.

I don't shame, and I don't mock (mostly). I just write porn

(Disclaimer: I will shame and/or mock if requested)

[scorpioriesling]

Hii could I request some more ridoc smut? Literally anything I'm just feral for our silly lil man

Denial Is A River

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

Pairing(s): Ridoc x reader

Warning(s): smut, 18+, mdni

Summary: You'd think after so long, your ex wouldn't still be on your mind. After all, he never took anything seriously -- why should you? It would seem like going out for a night of fun with your best friend is exactly what you needed.

SR’s Note: Um... girly, aren't we all feral for this man, HAHA. I saw this request, sat my ass down, and immediately started writing. <3 Any excuse for Ridoc smut is a good excuse, right?

Tags: @mellowmusings @rcarbo1 @lilah-asteria @kitsunetori @velarisdusk (inbox me or comment if you'd like to be added!)

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

"Great," you mutter, rolling your eyes and looking away. Sloane turns, searching over her shoulder for whatever could've caused you such distress. Not finding the source, she turns back to you wearing a confused expression on her face.

"What-"

"Not what; who." You cut her off. She goes to turn again, but you grasp her bicep.

"Don't -- he was just looking over here." You shudder, bringing the plastic cup to your lips. When you lower it, draining the sweet mixture, Sloane is looking to you with a leveled stare.

"I don't even need to see who just got here. I think I already know." You swallow, the sweet drink tingling as it runs down your throat. She raises an eyebrow. "Ridoc?"

You shake your head. "Don't. Even say his name."

Now it's your best friend's turn to roll her eyes.

"Y/N, it's been six months. Don't tell me you're still letting him effect you-"

"He. Affects. Nothing." You bite out, lifting your cup again before remembering it was empty. Sloane sighs.

"Y/N... if you still have feelings for him, maybe you should-"

"Another drink?" You switch the subject, the faux-cheerful smile plastered on your face. You've been friends with Sloane long enough now that she doesn't take the bait; but, she's also learned when to "drop it" with you.

"I'm dry," she agrees, peering toward the crowded bar. "Let's migrate?"

You nod in agreement, following your blonde friend to the bar. After a while of pushing through people, trying to secure any inch of bar space; your hands finally meet the cool metal of the countertop.

"What'll ya have?" The cute, strawberry-blonde bartender asks. Sloane immediately straightens; and you smirk.

"Hmm... can you make me something with Fireball?" You ask, and he raises his eyebrows.

"I'm sure I can; and what for you?" His gaze locks on Sloane, and she coughs.

"Um... I, uh..." You giggle at your friend. She's never so... speechless.

"She'll have whatever your favorite is." You speak up, and he chuckles. Sloane glares daggers into the side of your head, but you only turn to her with a wink.

"I'd be happy to make it; been needin' another one myself tonight," he smiles softly to your friend before turning to start working on the drinks. Sloane folds her arms next to you, and you shrug.

"What? I'm just helping you out," you reason with her. She smirks, only looking past your shoulder for a second before pretending to be busy picking at her clothes.

"Fireball, huh? I never knew you to order something so... spicy."

You lock your jaw, whirling around to find Ridoc standing beside you. He smirks down at you, his tall frame shielding many of the club's overhead lazer lights as you look up at him.

"Pfft," you tut, crossing your arms as you raise an eyebrow. "You wouldn't know anything about... spice."

He chuckles, running a hand through his luscious, shoulder-length black locks. Your eyes immediately catch on the black hair tie around his wrist; a new kind of flame igniting inside of you.

"Ahh, Y/N." He shakes his head slowly, before reaching over and tapping Sloane on her opposite shoulder. "I'm just surprised this one still tolerates your attitude."

Sloane turns, finding no one before turning over the other shoulder to face the two of you. She only offers him an eyeroll.

"Ridoc. Hi to you too."

He chuckles, staring past you to your best friend. You scoff, smacking his shoulder.

"Staring problem?"

He looks at you again, raising his hands in surrender.

"Hey! I'm just trying to keep this little interaction here friendly."

You shake your head, reaching out to snap the thin rubber band against his wrist.

"Oh, yeah. I can see you've been keeping things very friendly." You glare, and he rolls his eyes. Sloane taps your shoulder, motioning to the drinks that had been set down on the counter before you. You turn to reach for yours, eyeing the bartender as he toasts Sloane.

Behind you, the unmistakable voices of Ridoc's friends ring out, and you internally cringe. You'd been close to his posse before the two of you broke up, and now... things were just, awkward.

Bringing your own glass to your lips, you shiver as he leans in behind you, his warm breath sending a chill down your spine.

"Bet you won't take it all without choking," he chuckles, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear. "At least, once." He steps back, and you glare at him once more before tipping your glass all the way back, ignoring the searing burn of the whiskey as you gulp it down. He only stares with intrigue as you turn your back to him, slamming the glass down on the bar.

The sound pulls the bartender out of his trance, his gaze toward Sloane snapping to the empty glass.

"Anything else for ya? Maybe for your boyfriend?"

Sloane snorts, covering it up with a cough before turning to you and shaking her head. You stare at the bartender, scoffing.

"Oh yeah. Give him something, reeeeal dry." You turn, throwing one more glance over your shoulder.

"And he's not. My boyfriend."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

You'd spent almost two more hours, mingling and visiting the bar with Sloane before you'd realized how intoxicated you'd become. After three more drinks, you'd been feeling quite weightless -- almost forgetting your ex that somehow, always appeared in the corner of your vision.

Almost.

"I think I'm gonna see when Brett gets off tonight," Sloane slurs, her hands bracing against your forearms as the two of you stand in the middle of the dancefloor.

You chuckle. "Oh? So you're on a first-name basis, now?" You wiggleyour eyebrows at her. She laughs, nudging you with her elbow before leaning close so you can hear over the thumping bass.

"Hopefully we'll be past the first-name basis after tonight," she giggles, and your jaw drops. She grasps your shoulders, shouting right into your ear.

"And you might be too, if you do something about that second year staring at you!" She winks, pushing off of you to retreat to the bar. You look around confused, searching for whoever she was talking about.

You're on your third look-around when a warm hand slides along your waist, and you turn. The lights in the room blur, but the male standing beside you is in clear view.

Clearly... beautiful, that is.

"Hey," he shouts, flashing a bright smile. Your eyebrows raise, the alcohol in your system tampering any shyness you might have had.

"Hey," you say back, and he leans in closer. The black, short sleeve fits him to a tee -- every muscle defined along his tattooed arms. His scent of wood and salt hits you, and you breathe it in.

Delicious.

"I'm Matt," he says, his eyes gazing right down into yours. You smile up at him.

"I'm Y/N," you say, and he takes your hand in his, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. You're not sure if it's the alcohol or lack of nerves, but a faint blush spreads across your cheeks.

"Y/N," he repeats looking to you again. "First year?"

You nod, and he grins proudly.

"I'm in my second," he says. Your brows raise an inch; but, you're not intimidated. After all, you'd been with a second year before.

The sinking feeling in your stomach appears as Matt keeps talking. Would he know Ridoc? Gods, he probably did. You frown. Ugh, why did he always have to ruin everything?

Matt pauses, chuckling as he stares at you again.

"You alright?"

You shake your head, clearing your thoughts. Why were you even thinking about him right now?

"I'm... fine," you say, sucking in a breath as you feel both of Matt's hands softly holding your hips. He chuckles, his face mere inches from yours. Your head spins, the lights, the Charli XCX song playing in the back, this delectable man's lips about to touch yours-

"Hey man, what the fuck?"

Your eyes widen as Matt is quite literally ripped off you, the collar of his shirt rumpled in Ridoc's grip. He raises his hands in surrender.

"Look, man, I'm sorry! I didn't know-"

"Of course you fucking didn't," Ridoc growls, his usually playful tone absent. You stare in shock -- Ridoc was never this serious. In fact, that's what drove the two of you to break up in the first place.

"She's. Unavailable." He grinds out, and Matt huffs a laugh.

"Aight! Sorry, bro, she wasn't acting like it," Ridoc lowers him, releasing the hold on his shirt before glaring at him once more.

"I'd suggest you get goin', bro." '

That's all it takes before Matt is scurrying off into the sea of people. Ridoc turns, the anger still written all over his face. His brows only sinch together more when he takes in the anger on yours.

"What the fuck was that?" You shout, every ounce of pent up frustration bubbling over the surface. He rolls his eyes, stepping closer to you.

"That guy's a tool, Y/N," he says, his words running together a bit. Guess he needed to down a few to get though this night, too.

"You wouldn't know that though, because-"

"Because, what?" You throw your arms up in fury. "Because I'm 'only a first year'? Who are you to tell me who I can and can't-"

His hands reach out, grapping onto your forearms. He pulls you to his chest, bending at the waist to speak directly in front of your face.

"He shouldn't get to touch you." He says lowly, his eyes staring into yours. Your cheeks heat, the feeling of his hands on you mixed with the sweet musk of his cologne; it felt like how it used to.

"Nobody should."

You stare up at him with confusion, your only response a defensive one you'd learned to use so well around him.

"You're touching me right now," you sneer. "Doesn't look like you have any problem with that."

He chews on his bottom lip, his dark brows hooding his desired stare as he continues to draw you closer.

"You're right. I don't have a problem with it."

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“Oh FUCK yes… yes,”

It hadn’t taken much convincing to get you to leave the club with him. In fact, you practically jumped at the chance to leave — but, you let Ridoc think he “dragged” you out of there.

Truth be told, you were a bit giddy to feel his comforter beneath your back again.

“Mhm, you like that?” He taunts, pumping his fingers in and out.

You huff a laugh, another sarcastic response forming in your mind.

"I bet Matt could've done better." You toss him a wicked grin, and his brows furrow. He suddenly yanks his fingers out, immediately pulling you off the bed, yanking your dress up over your head before shoving you onto the floor.

Your eyes widen as your knees hit the hardwood, mouth practically salivating as he undoes his jeans quickly, pulling his thick cock out of his boxers. He slides his hand up and down it a few times, the other hand tangling in your hair as he yanks you closer.

"Always such a foul mouth, you've got," he tuts, and you drop your jaw. He slaps the head of his cock against your awaiting tongue twice, before shoving himself down your throat.

"This will teach you to be nicer," he muses. You gag, his thick length filling your throat even as he pulls out and pushes it right back in. He keeps assaulting your throat, fucking your mouth like you're his own personal plaything.

Not that you'd argue.

"Good girl... mmm," he groans, thrusting in a few more times before pulling your mouth flesh with his pelvis.

“Want you to fuckin’ gag on my dick, baby,” You cough, your throat raw as the faint black hairs near his pubic bone tickle your nose.

He yanks your mouth off of him, grabbing your arms and hauling you to your feet once more. The relief is only momentary before his rough hands push you flush against his bed, bent at the waist over the edge of his bed.

Grabbing both of your wrists, he grips both of your hands behind your back, using one of his hands to slide his wet and ready cock against your sopping cunt. He leans down, kissing just below your ear before uttering a single sentence.

"No man. Will ever. Get to do this with you."

You suck in a breath, the tip of his dick pushing into your cunt.

"Besides me."

He wastes no time, shoving his entire length in, drawing a sharp cry from you.

Sliding out, and thrusting back in -- he watches in a trance as your ass bounces against his pelvis with each slam of his hips against yours. His grip on your wrists loosen, one hand opting to tangle in your hair once more.

"You're. Mine." He pants, drawing you up to meet his chest, flush with your back as he continues pounding mercilessly into you. "You belong to no one else."

His words, the air in the room, the feel of him -- it's all too much. The tidal wave building inside you threatens to wash over the edge, and your breath comes out in short gasps.

"Oh... f-fuck, Ridoc," the new angle plunges his length deeper into you, his tip rubbing the most sensitive spot inside of you. His other arm wraps around your waist as he speaks again.

"Say it,"

You moan as his balls slap against your clit, the wave inside almost too much to contain.

"I..."

"Tell me who's pussy this is." He gasps, his thrusts growing sloppy. You let out a cry of pleasure, your eyes squeezing shut as his grip tightens in your hair.

"Y-yours," you gasp. "Oh fuck, Ridoc it's all yours."

The title wave breaks free, your walls clenching around his huge dick as he gives you a few more thrusts. He cums not too long after, loosing himself in the way you feel wrapped around him again. He groans, low and deep as he releases his seed deep in your pussy -- another reminder that you're his, and only his.

You breathe deep, lying against his bed again when he finally releases you. He slips out of you, making quick work of cleaning himself off. You steady your breathing, making to stand and grab your dress from the floor.

Ridoc slides his boxers back on, pulling back the blankets on his bed and instead guiding you to lie down underneath them.

"Ridoc, I-"

He shushes you, adjusting the pillow beneath your head before sliding in behind you. Your heart swells as he presses a kiss to your cheek, pulling you flush against him as his arms wrap around you. You snuggle in, the warmth comforting as you work to wrangle your racing thoughts.

"We can talk tomorrow morning."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

[artists-ally]

Hello sweetheart 😘 I really really adore your writing so much ! So, I dare to send in an idea as well 🥰 maybe you're dating Harvey but he barely had time for you lately, so one time he wants to surprise you with dinner at his apartment and you enjoy your time together. Then you both end your evening with lovely passionate smut and lots of cuddles afterwards. In the morning he wakes up before you and takes time in admiring you, realizing how happy he is to have you ? Hope that's not too cheesy ❤️ thank you so much in advance!

{Warm} Reader x Harvey Specter

This has been sitting in my inbox for god knows how long. I thank you for your patience my dear. I love this idea so much, and this song Warm by SG Lewis is just perfect. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. P.S. nothing is EVER too cheesy for me to write <3

Word Count: 3,998

Warnings: Just some good ole fluff and smut, some very soft dom!Harvey.

Tagging: @rosedpetal @blacktreacle22

Summary: After a particularly brutal month in the office, you've noticed some changes. Harvey is just... not present. Rather than demanding his attention, you just simply float by, knowing eventually he'll return his negligence. And boy does he ever.

~~~~~

“Yn, you really just need to grow a set and tell Harvey he’s being a jackass,” Donna scolds through the phone.

I roll my eyes, “Donna, I told you before. I don’t mind. He’s focused on winning this case, and it quite literally is the life and death of this firm. So, while I appreciate your ‘words of affirmation’, I didn’t ask for them.”

“I know, I just hate to see you so neglected.”

“Oh please,” I pff, flipping my head to move a chunk of hair out of my eye. “Neglected is probably the last thing I am. I can entertain myself. I actually haven’t minded the space. Every once and a while it’s good to go back to the basics. I’ve finally learned how to take care of the plants, I can make a mean lasagna too. I’ve even gotten back into reading. For fun.”

“Sheesh, clearly something is wrong if you’ve been reading voluntarily.”

I snickered. “I don’t know, I saw a book recommendation on instagram and fell in love. Childhood penpals turned strangers, turned back to penpals and she found out he’s the world's biggest rock star and he’s been writing songs about her the entire time.”

“Sounds exactly like the fairytale mushy-gushy shit you love. How you found Harvey to fill those shoes I’ll never understand.”

“He’s just… I don’t know, exactly what I need? My life is perpetually disorganized and he’s too organized. We balance each other out. It just works, and I love our life. I love our dynamic, and I love him. Since he’s so busy, and I have the energy and mental space to, I don’t mind picking up the slack. Again, things will balance themselves back.”

Donna sighed, and I knew that flat line was on her lips. “I know, you’re always so insightful. Optimistic bitch.” I cackled a laugh. “But in all seriousness, Harvey needs you. You’re right, he is too organized. He needs you to unwind him. I know how he is, and he needs a kick in the ass every once in a while. So, if by the end of the week, he doesn’t come around a little, just push him. He’ll fold. Especially for you, and that ass of yours.”

A smile bloomed onto my face, the door of our apartment building coming into view. “Thanks Donna, I’ll let you know how tonight goes. Maybe I’ll stop by the office in the morning and bring the crew some coffee, a few bagels as well.”

“This is why you will always remain my favorite. Now go eat that Chinese food, you sexy son of a bitch.”

“How did you know I had Chinese food?” 

“Because I’m Donna.” Then the line went dead.

Psycho. My psycho, but still a psycho. 

I did indeed have a takeout bag hooked in my elbow filled with Chinese food. Sesame chicken and wonton soup for me, beef and broccoli with pork lo-mein for Harvey. I got a small order of pork fried rice and some scallion pancakes to share. I was about ten seconds away from crouching in an alley and eating myself into a coma. 

The city streets were just beginning to fill up with Friday night festivities. Those heading to lavish dinners or exotic clubs, dressed to the nines with pristine hair and outfits. I looked down at my beat up orthopedic sneakers that kept the never ending foot pain of being a museum tour guide at bay. Here I was, surrounded by the most eccentric and busy place on earth, with absolutely nothing to do.

And that felt amazing. 

I scurried up the steps to the apartment building, greeting our doorsman with a smile and a wave. He gave me one back, pulling open the big glass doors. The mild April chill vanished and the comfortable, still air caressed my cheeks. The elevator door chimed open, chimed closed, and ascended to the top. 

21… 22… 23… the floors climbed and climbed. What was I going to watch? The new season of Bridgerton was out, I could watch that. No, the next season can’t possibly be as good as Charlottes. Maybe a movie? Didn’t that second Dunne one come out? I’m not sure I understand the first one enough to comprehend the second. 

The ding sounds, and I step off, juggling my keys as I rattle off more ideas in my head. 

There's always The Big Bang Theory, maybe Two Broke Girls? Nah, I’ve seen those a thousand times. Maybe I should watch something new. No, nothing sounds interesting. I could try to read, but I don’t wanna risk spilling anything on my book. Once in third grade, I was eating a bowl of cereal in the morning, and I spilled the entire thing on my book. If You Give A Mouse A Cookie was never the same again. 

When the door opened, I toed off my sneakers, kicking them in the corner. I threw the keys in the bowl and hummed a song aimlessly. In the kitchen, I pried a plate out of the cabinet and began to spoon food onto my plate. I won’t tell Harvey, but I stole some of his lo-mein. 

“Yn,” a voice spoke. 

I spun so hard I knocked my hip into the kitchen island corner, a scream bubbling out. “Jesus fucking christ Harvey! You could warn me next time, fucking hell.” 

My heart thrashed in my chest, my eyes going a little wonky from adrenaline. I swallowed, bending at the waist to catch my breath.

“Sorry, my love,” he smiled, coming to raise me from my hunched over position. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“A simple text would’ve been lovely,” I sighed, rising to my full height. “What the hell are you doing…”

All words died on my tongue as I looked around. The table was decorated with a white cloth, candles skewed about. There were flowers in a vase on the counter, beside it a card with two small boxes. There was champagne chilling in a metal bucket of ice, a box of chocolate covered strawberries and cherries next to it. 

“Harvey, what’s all this for? Our anniversary isn’t for two months.”

He grinned, that smirk going right to my chest. “No, it’s not.”

“Then what's all… this?” I waved my hand around, noticing a few balloons blown up and taped to the archway. I somehow completely missed the rose petals lining the floor. 

“It’s because I love you,” Harvey grabbed my hips, pressing our fronts together. “You’ve been… dealing with me for weeks now. My absence, my constant mood swings and lashing out. And I know what you’re gonna say-”

“That I know you’ve been stressed and need some time to focus on the case?”

Harvey tilted his head, a flat expression on his lips. “Yes. That.” 

“It’s not a big deal, Harvey. I know how important work is to you, and I know that you’ve really needed to focus so the firm doesn’t crumble and-”

“But I need you to know that you are a thousand times more important than work,” he says, placing his palms on my cheeks. He kisses me softly, stealing the air from my lungs. “Then the firm,” another kiss.  “And anything that has to do with that hellscape. I love you, Yn. And I don’t know what I would do without your constant flexibility with my chaotic life. So this is a very small token of my appreciation. The first part, at least.”

I hummed against his lips, letting my arms lay across his shoulders. I kiss him deeply. “The first part?”

“Mhmm,” he nodded, hands falling down my back, a less than PG-13 flex of his hands on my ass. “First, I want you to open those little boxes. Then, we’re gonna eat and have some dessert.”

“I feel like there's more to this list,” I smile, making my way back to the counter to get our food. One second to the next, Harvey gripped my arm and pulled me back into his chest. I could feel his desire pressing into me. “Looks like I’m right.”

“You’re always right,” he whispered, breath tickling my ear. He kissed the side of my neck, leaving a little bite below my ear. “Go sit, I’ll get the food.”

A new thrill fueled my body, propelling my steps to the dining room. I sat, playing with the end of the table cloth as Harvey brough everything over. The champagne, the card, the boxes and the food. Before he made his way to his seat, his palm cupped my neck and he tilted my head back. His deep, lust filled eyes locked with mine before he kissed me again. 

“Open whichever you’d like, darling,” he sat opposite me, tucking the napkin across his lap. 

“Just because I did what anyone would for their love doesn’t mean you need to shower me with gifts, Harvey,” I said, giving him a pointed look. 

“And if I bought them just because I wanted to?” 

Point taken. I read the card, a picture of a polar bear wearing sunglasses on a beach with a coconut in its hand plastered on the front. 

Classy. It made me giggle nonetheless.

To my Yn,

Thank you. I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you for being here, even when I wasn’t. I’m sorry for my absence, I promise I’ll be more conscious of my time spent at the office. I love you, more than I ever thought I’d ever be able to love anything. You are everything I’ve always wanted, and everything I never knew I’d need. After this last month, I didn’t understand just how badly I craved you. Your smile, your laugh, your warmth. The taste of you in the morning, and those adorable snores at night. No matter how many times I do it, I’ll never get tired of kissing you. Never tire of taking your breath away. I’ll never get sick of you being the first thing I see when I wake up, and the last thing before I sleep. 

You are forever entwined in my soul, Yn. And I wouldn’t dare to imagine it otherwise. 

I love you. <3 Harvey

I looked up at him, tears lining my eyes. He just winked at me, fork scraping his plate as he shoved a mouthful in. 

“Fuck you for that,” I sniffled, brushing away the tears as I blinked. “That was so uncalled for, you didn’t need to do that to me. That’s so unfair.”

He smiled, “I know you love that shit. And before you ask, Donna didn’t come near me when I was writing that. It all came from up here.”

I laughed as he touched the side of his head. “Good to know all those years at Harvard Law taught you something other than corporate jargon.”

“Open the boxes, little devil,” he sipped his champagne, nudging the boxes towards me. 

Both were a dark blue velvet, unlabeled. They were closed with a silver ribbon. The first one I grabbed was about the size of a book, and something rattled inside. I undid the bow, lifting the lid. Inside was a Kindle. I gasped, pulling it out and looking it over. 

“Harvey,” I grinned, mouth falling open. “You did not.”

“But I did,” he smiled brightly. “Unlimited.”

I could jump his bones from across the table. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“Well, after you find out I got you a case, a Pop Socket, and one of those stands with the remote clicker so you don’t even have to hold it, you might love me a little more.” I squealed, pushing out of my chair as I crashed into him. We nearly tipped backwards. Harvey laughed, rubbing my sides as I latched onto him. “I knew you’d appreciate this. I know we haven’t been together much, but I remembered you showed me a video of some girl who had one.” “You remembered that?” A new set of tears choked my voice. 

“Of course I did. And I also remember you telling me that if I bought you another set of earrings you’d use them to pierce my ears, so that option went out the window.”

I swatted his chest, Harvey’s smile easy as he eased me off of him. “This is perfect, thank you so much.”

“Of course, my dear. Now open the next one.”

What could be better than a Kindle Unlimited? With a stand AND a remote to turn the pages for me. Harvey has no idea what he’s done, I’ll literally never get out of bed again. 

Practically ripping the box in half, I take off the lid and peer inside. 

I blink a few times, looking from him to the box. “My passport?”

“Yup.”

“I feel like there is something I’m not getting here.”

“There is.”

“Are you gonna tell me or make me guess?”

“I’m not that mean,” he rolled his eyes. 

“I mean you have been ignoring me for the past month,” I feigned being upset, letting out a little yelp when he threw a piece of broccoli at me. “You're literally four years old.”

“We’re going to China.”

Everything stopped moving. I dropped the box, my small, navy blue passport skittering across the floor. My ears buzzed, my fingers buzzed. “I- What?”

Harvey grinned. Fuck, I missed that grin. “We’re going to China. We won the case last night, and I am desperate for some time with you. You’ve always wanted to go, so why not now? I have everything set up. We’re gonna stay in the mountains, we’re gonna go hiking and see some shows. I also know you’ve wanted to-”

“We’re going to China?” I had to make sure I heard him right? I’ve been learning the language for years now, engrossed with their rich culture and history. The cuisine, the art, the music… everything. Had I been in a different timeline, I would’ve moved there. 

“Yes, my love. We’re going to China. Two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” My eyes nearly fell out of my skull. “I can’t take two weeks off of-”

“Yn,” he cut me off, knowing I was going to spiral into a never ending list of reasons of 'why this and why that'. “It’s all been taken care of. All you have to do is pack a bag and get you cute ass in my car on Sunday morning. Don’t worry about anything else.”

“But-But Harvey… what the FUCK? WE’RE GOING TO CHINA? Oh my god, I have to call Donna.”

“Can you call Donna tomorrow? I have other things I’d like to do before you go blabbering to her about how amazing and awesome I am for planning this.”

I eyed him suspiciously. “Donna planned this, didn’t she?"

“She did find the panda place. And the art festival. But everything else was my doing. You can applaud now.” Cocky, arrogant son of a bitch. My cocky, arrogant son of a bitch, but one nonetheless.

I looked at him, dumbfounded. He did all this for me, just because he had a crazy workload. I feel like it should be the opposite, me pampering him, congratulating him on his huge win. Not him fueling my book obsession and planning my dream trip. 

But it was yet another reason I loved him more and more every day. He just did these things, without prompting. Without need. He felt like he was neglecting me, leading to… all of this. 

We ate our dinner, chatting about anything other than the case. I asked about it, twice, and he completely side-stepped my attempt. I wanted to know, but if he didn’t want to talk, I wouldn’t push. I told him the plot of this terrible Mafia romance book I finished earlier in the week, and he listened to every grating, awful point I made about it. All with a dopey smile on his face. 

Harvey cleared the plates, setting them in the sink. He brought more champagne, the strawberries and the cherries. In a calm silence, we devoured them, eyes raking over each other. I risked a look below the table, seeing just exactly where he wanted the next phase of the night to go. 

“You looking at it makes it worse, you know,” Harvey leaned back in his chair, my legs propped in his lap. He stroked his hand up and down, fingers dipping into one of the holes in my jeans. 

“Good,” I smiled, a sinful intent in my eyes. 

He looked from my smile to my eyes and back down. With a curse, he threw my legs off his lap and pulled my chair close to his. Harvey enveloped his mouth with mine, the sweet taste of chocolate mixed with the sour berry and tarte champagne. Every flavor on his tongue became my own. 

I was in his lap the next second, legs folded against his thighs. Harvey kept me firmly planted. Steady. He wouldn’t dare let me fall. I got lost in him, suddenly aware just how long it had been since I truly had him. Truly tasted him. Truly craved him.

He stood, taking me with him. The familiar route to our bedroom whirled by. I landed on the bed with a soft bounce, tugging on the collar of his shirt until he laid on top of me.

“So demanding,” he whispered on my lips. I wrapped my legs around his hips to emphasize my need. “Fuck… I love it when you get like this.”

“You made me this way, Harvey,” I pleaded, eyes catching him. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to give you what you deserve,” Harvey sighs. It’s not heavy, but it’s noticeable. “Let me take care of you, Yn.”

“I just need you to-”

“I know, my love. Let me worship you. Treat you how you deserve. You’ve been so patient with me, now let me return the favor.”

Well, I’d be stupid to deny him.

Delicately, he kissed down my torso, lifting my shirt over my head and throwing it for tomorrow's problem. He removed my socks, then my jeans. From ankle to knee, he kissed and bit my skin, making me squirm against the sheets.

Every nerve ending in my body was on fire, the tips of my fingers and toes pulsing with anticipation. With the last remaining pieces of my clothes gone, he spread my legs, kneeling to the ground. 

The sight of Harvey Specter on his knees between my thighs was… empowering. Not that he hasn’t tasted me with his tongue, I’ve just… always been on top. Never so… exposed.

A heady sigh left my lips, body going lax with the first pass of his tongue on me. I clenched my legs against his ears, muffling my whines. He pushed them against the mattress, eyes pinning me as he sank his teeth into the muscle of my thigh. 

“You know better than to hide those pretty moans from me, my love.” Yes, I do know better. “Scream my fucking name if you want.”

I just might. 

He made quick work of me, practiced movements easily sending me up and up and up. He’d slow back down, torture me with more bruising marks on my thighs while I writhed and begged for him to let me release. I arched up off the bed when he added his fingers.

I was so close, a month's worth of pent up desire threatening me all at once. My mind and body were on fire. I couldn’t hold off any longer. I chase that high, circling my hips against his face. His hands, firmly planted on my inner thighs, I shook, that month long ache finally subsiding before roaring back to life. 

When I thought he’d stop, he kept going. Around and around and around his tongue went. Teasing and sending an endless supply of pleasure through my body. 

“H-Harvey,” I gasped, my body up in flames over his never ending devotion.

“I’ll stop when I want to. Fuck Yn, you taste so sweet. Almost as sweet as hearing you beg for me to let you cum. Can you take one more?”

Again, I nodded, content to let him spend however long he wanted at my aching core. My second release came much sooner than the first. He didn’t bother teasing me, knowing it would ruin all his hard work if he stopped. With a few more sweeping passes, he licked me clean, sitting back on his heels to look at me. He wiped my cum off on the back of his hand, giving me a wicked grin.

“You are so fucking beautiful, all laid out for me to do as I please,” Harvey said, beginning to strip. 

“Please Harvey, have me. Any way that you like.”

He chuckled, kneeling over me. “I will, but like I said, I want tonight to be all about you.”

“Well I want you to fuck me.” I am not very good at being subtle. 

“How can I deny you when you ask so nicely,” he purred, closing our lips together, I parted my legs for him, desperate for the friction of his body on mine. His chest, his stomach, his hands lacing with mine. I needed all of him all over me. 

It didn’t take long for him to slip inside me, every inch of him stretching me in the most desirable way. I hummed as he stilled, his need clear in the way his arms shook to keep still. 

“Move, please please move,” I begged, threading my hand in his hair. With a reluctant drop of his head, he rolled his hips into mine, our bodies finally meeting in full. 

“I was trying to be gentle,” he reasoned. 

“Fuck gentle, I need you. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I know my love, I know.”

With each thrust into me, a new sensation bubbled inside me. My toes curled, my back bowed, my eyes fluttered shut. He quickened his pace, heavy breaths falling from his lips into mine. His air was mine. Every muttered curse and moan and praise went straight through me. He needed me as much as I needed him.

~~~~~

With my mind not fully awake, I lazily fling myself off my stomach and onto my back. My arm knocked into something hard, and I squinted against the morning sun. Oh, Harvey.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, crashing back down against the pillow. 

He chuckled, kissing the hand that accidentally hit him in the face. “It’s okay.”

“Are you going into the office?” I asked, still keeping my eyes closed. Man this bed is so comfy…

“No?” He said, a question in his tone. “Why would I?”

“Why else are you up so early?”

“I was just looking at you, my love. It’s been a while since I’ve just… looked at the love of my life. Taken the time to appreciate just how fucking stunning you are.”

My heart melted, a lovesick feeling welling up in my chest. I turned over, facing the handsome lawyer and grinned ear to ear. “I’m sure I look fabulous after last night.”

“You’ve never looked hotter. Lips swollen from mine, hair a mess from my hands… your body covered in my-”

“Okay,” I snatched his lips between my fingers, silencing his next words. “I did just wake up, at least let me shower before you destroy me again.”

“Only if I can quote on quote destroy you in the shower before I cook you breakfast and fuck you again on the counter.”

My eyes snapped open, meeting his blown out pupils. “You certainly have a vivid imagination for…” I looked over at the clock on the side of the bed. “... eight thirty-seven AM.”

“Wait till you find out I’ve been awake since six. With nothing to do but plot all the ways I could ruin you.”

I rolled my eyes playfully, offering my lips as a peace offering. He quickly accepted, kissing me deeply. “Man, I missed this.”

“More than you could ever know.”

[dear-satan]

Can you do more Resident Evil x reader plsss

I hope you like this <3 ( I'm so, so sorry I'm replying so late!! )

Tinder

ID!Leon Kennedy x Reader

★ word count: 11k

★ CW: smut, age gap (early 20s reader, Leon late 30s), oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex, cum on the reader's thigh, cock warming or not, love marks

★ author's note: hello everyone, i'm alive! sorry for not posting anything for a very long time.. well, i was suffering from a terrible artblock? i think that's what it's called.. i'm very, very sorry for that! i'll try to post for you as often as possible, especially since i've been thinking about a few new characters.. but you'll see that in time! enjoy reading <3

Tinder - an ordinary dating app, designed to help people in interpersonal contacts. In fact it was. It has been known for a long time that people through the screen of a phone or laptop were much, much bolder than when talking face to face. Because what guy starts the conversation by sending a picture of his dick, shamelessly asks for a picture of tits or offers a blowjob at the back of his car? It was really, really disgusting.

But for some reason, tinder ended up on your home screen.

Creating an account was very simple. Just like choosing the right photos and creating a good description. However, the stairs began when you had to choose the age group of a potential partner.

You bit your lip. The 30+ option seemed really tempting but for some reason strangely immoral. You were a student and your previous relationships were with boys your age or a year or two older. To be honest, you were bored with it. You were bored being their second mother. You needed someone to take care of you. You and your needs. Who will provide care and call you his good, little girl.

Create an account.

The first few days really surprised you, really. You've never seen so many dicks in your life and learned new, rather strange terms for your pussy. But after a week, a profile appeared in your inbox that caught your attention.

His name was Leon and his profile was almost empty - a short description and two photos, of which only one showed his face and figure. He was handsome, really handsome - medium length, brown hair with a parting on the right. The bangs fell on one side of his face, covering his wild but deep look. Jaw, nicely outlined with a slight beard. His muscular stature made you shiver and his mind began to imagine what he looked like without clothes.

Be my pretty girl.

You wrote almost every day, nothing perverted. He asked how was your day at the university, how you were feeling, if you had dinner. He was nice, just like that. Sometimes he sent photos of him sitting in his apartment, with a glass of whiskey or in some expensive restaurant that you could never afford. You also sent photos - when you were sitting at lectures or drinking coffee during your lunch break. At some point, you moved from the application to SMS, it was much more convenient. A month passed until he finally offered a face-to-face meeting.

You wrote almost every day, nothing perverted. He asked how was your day at the university, how you were feeling, if you had dinner. He was nice, just like that. Sometimes he sent photos of him sitting in his apartment, with a glass of whiskey or in some expensive restaurant that you could never afford. You also sent photos - when you were sitting at lectures or drinking coffee during your lunch break. At some point, you moved from the application to SMS, it was much more convenient. A month passed until he finally offered a face-to-face meeting.

The cafe was quite a trite place but it didn't bother you. You dressed in the prettiest clothes you had in the closet, you did delicate makeup. You looked really pretty - a young girl going to her big man. It was so perverted.. But how exciting.

The cafe he chose was expensive from just looking at it. You pushed the door uncertainly and started looking around the premises in search of Leon. And you found him.

He sat at a small table at the other end of the room. The navy blue shirt perfectly covered his muscles at the sight of which saliva gathered in your mouth.

"Fuck, behave normal." you scolded in your mind, taking the first steps towards him. He was handsome, really handsome. "Hey" you greeted shyly, stopping next to the table "Um, Leon.. Right?”

His blue irises met yours and oh god.. They were the most beautiful eyes you've ever looked into.

"Hey" his smile was even more beautiful. "You look beautiful" pointed to the place opposite him that you obediently took.

"Thank you, you too.. I mean, you look beautiful too.. I mean, you look really hot." what? Your cheeks were burning with live fire. Since when do you talk such nonsense? "I... I'm sorry, d-don't want-"

"Hey hey, calm down." he laughed "It's okay, thank you." the tone of his voice acted strangely on you, as if soothing. "I ordered coffee, caramel cappuccino, right?"

“Yeah” you nodded. You didn't think he would remember.

At first, the conversation didn't really stick, mainly because of your shyness, but it passed. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours. You didn't even notice how it was slowly getting dark outside. Only when the waitress came to inform you about the approaching closing time did you realize how long you had been talking.

Leon offered to escort you. It was cold outside, so he threw his leather jacket on your shoulders. It smelled so good, fresh perfume combined with the scent of deodorant and a slight smell of tobacco. This mixture created a deadly smell that caused your brain to turn off at his words.

Naughty.

"It's here." you stopped in front of the old tenement house where you rented an apartment.

Leon looked first at the building and then at you and smiled sadly. "Then," he came up to you and gently put his face in his big hand, "Thank you for the nice time." he was close, very close and your heart jumped to your throat. "I hope we will do it again soon."

You looked at his lips and tingling appeared in the lower part of the abdomen. "Or maybe.. Will you go upstairs?” You suggested again looking into his eyes "I have good wine.." you bit your lip "Then I'll order a taxi so you don't come back alone."

For the hundredth time today, he gave you this stunning smile "Good wine?"

・・・・★・・・・★ ・・・・

His lips were everywhere. They left blood trails on your heated skin. Your hands wandered over his bare back, scratching it lightly as he sucked and bit your already hardened nipples. God, his mouth was even more perfect than you imagined. And the fun was just beginning.

Leon was in no hurry to go anywhere, kissing slowly your skin under your breasts, around your belly button. He only stopped when he reached the beginning of your panties, lifting his head and pawing at you with a questioning look. You only nodded quickly as a sign of agreement and let out a quiet moan when you felt his hot kiss on your still clothed clit.

“I haven't done anything yet, and you're already so wet…” he gasped, grabbing your lacy lingerie with the intention of getting rid of it quickly “So wet just for me.”

Your panties landed somewhere on the bedroom floor and Leon settled himself comfortably between your legs. He started kissing the inside of your thigh and his stubble scratched you pleasantly, however, when he moved his tongue along your pussy. A moan escaped your lips and your back arched as he began to slowly eat you out. He alternated between licking, sucking and even lightly biting your swollen bud, sending electric inpulses through your entire body. Your moans went from these quiet ones to loud, even pornographic ones. Damn, if Leon could do such things with his mouth, what could he do with his cock.

“You taste so good princess,” he moaned into your entrance, and immediately after that he inserted his tongue into you.

“F-fuck.” You gasped, tangling your fingers in his brown strands of hair. Your tongue was replaced by his fingers, pumping at a slow pace. He began sucking on your poor clitoris again and your ring finger and index finger slid out, bending in different directions from time to time. This dangerous mixture of sensations began to accumulate a knot in the pit of your body. Your thighs began to tremble slowly and your toes began to flex. “L-Leon. I'm coming.” You gasped tilting your head back.

He only smiled at your pussy, speeding up his movements a bit with his hand. Your lewd sounds made his cock ache and his boxers one hundred percent had a sizable precum stain.

“L-Leon!” the pleasure was getting closer and closer, and when it was about to come…. You felt the emptiness. The unpleasant cold teasing your wet pussy forced you to open your eyes and raise your head. “W-what. W-why.” your voice stumbled with every word you uttered. Leon smiled mischievously, straightening up. His pupils were huge, almost obscuring that beautiful blue color of his irises. He stared at you wordlessly, like an animal at its prey. “My little girl wanted to come?” curtly, his tone made you dizzy.

“Y-yes…”

“Yes what?” he grabbed the elastic band from his gray boxers.

“Please Leon… I-I want… I want you…” your head once again fell back onto the pillow beneath you. Watching him slowly undress was torture, something your eyes both craved and refused to desire. “I-I want you inside me".

“Good girl.” His boxers landed next to your panties and he towered over you. Even more heat was beating from him than from you. “Ready?”

You didn't even have time to answer. You sucked air into your lungs as the head of his cock began to caress your entrance, only to immediately slide into you up to his balls in one swift motion. The feeling was unearthly, and you swear, if he hadn't blocked your mouth with his own, the whole tenement would surely have heard you. “S-so tight.” groaned Leon leaning his forehead against yours “Are you sure.. Y-you fucked before me?” a quiet, silly laugh echoed in your ears.

“Stop talking and fuck me.” you didn't have to repeat yourself. His movements were slow at first. He loved the way your moans drifted out of your open mouth directly into his. How you raised your eyelids every now and then just to look at him for a second. Fuck, he fell for it.

As time passed, the slow pace began to get in the way. His body movements sped up wildly and your pornographic moans and gasps filled the room. So did the sound of your sweaty bodies slapping against each other. “S-so good, fuck.” He hid his head in the hollow of your neck. He felt his own knot of pleasure slowly begin to break.

“I'm coming.” You whispered in his ear, clenching your thighs making him thrust into you even harder and faster. Your mind whirled and your eyes rolled upward under your closed eyelids. You stopped hearing everything that was going on around you, making you completely miss Leon's question about contraception. You were literally a brainless mush that slowly lost itself in the approaching orgasm. “I- I'm coming!” not a second passed. Pleasure took control of your body and the loud cries of Leon's name filled the room. Your trembling thighs slaughtered him even harder and you curled up, sinking your teeth into his shoulder, sobbing quietly.

Leon himself didn't last long. That divine, warm feeling filled his mind and at the last second he slid out of you so that lines of hot cum flew onto your wet thigh. He himself sagged completely, crushing you with his weight. “T-that's my girl.” he purred as your trembling fingers began to massage his scalp. “M-my girl.”

With your other hand, you brushed away the hair stuck to your forehead, finally opening your eyes before which darkness appeared. Your head pulsed with pleasure and a quiet screech echoed in your ears. You felt so good, so damn good. “You know what?” you began, trying to normalize your breathing.

“Hm?”

“It seems, we forgot about the wine.”