#~madi's journal~

[skynapple]

I don't often feel like a good older sister. I used to cry in 2014 about Tadashi Hamada and how perfect he was as an older sibling because I learned how much the cast poured their own older sibling moments into creating his character, he felt that way because he was very much based on a real person(s) and experience. And I used to compare myself like, God that is not me. I really feel like I'm not there enough, like I don't know enough, my mental health or whatever prevented me from being that like... chipper dependable reliable voice of a wisdom? I don't know.

Yesterday, just hours before upheaval, I held my sister while she cried and tried to give her comfort.

Then sat panicked for hours. Because a "your sister is in the hospital" is never a good text to receive.

And I felt so helpless, I just cried. I felt so selfish feeling as much anxiety as I did, like as if I wanted to be held and told it would be ok. And then I cried cause I felt like such a baby for wanting that, when I knew I would just have to be the one to comfort myself. Because when you're an adult, you don't have someone to stroke your hair and hold your hand and tell you ‘it's ok, you're alright’. You gotta do it yourself, so I did. And I cried some more about it on my way to work the next morning while I reflected.

Cause this is our normal when your baby sister barely in her early 20's has a weak heart. Even though you feel like she's the strongest person who ever lived. This can always happen again.

Seeing her that pale, and weak, I still felt so... helpless.

But you know? I tried to make her laugh today, and let her be chatty. And I can't do much but I can do something, so I made her favorite cookies. Seeing her smile was a nice thing. I don't ever want to watch that smile go away, so if this is all I can do, I'll do it. And yeah, I put silly eyes on the cookies. Because why not? She's gonna hate it. I can't wait to hear it.

[multiseb21]

Motorsport.com did you read this post be honest

speaking of the Italian red teams, the juxtaposition between ducati and ferrari’s teammate pairings is gonna be so interesting to watch play out. because both teams have their “homegrown” boy who has, for all intents and purposes, made this HIS team, and then boom here comes this 7/8 time world champion, widely argued to be the best ever, who was once the team’s public enemy #1 (and also potentially the nation of Ita—), waltzing into HIS house accompanied by fanfare fit for a king.

Pecco is already out here proudly standing atop that gentleman hill he’s willing to die on. all while paul revere-ing that Marc can, has, and will be “the ungentleman” in battles. we all know him. the morally corrupt faye resnick marc marquez. Despite that. You can tell they’re trying. They’re cordial. Behaving for their Ducati daddies. Things will be awkwardly ok…until they aren’t.

Ferrari on the other hand? Already looks great. PR is great. Lewis is showing off the world’s most cinematic first day of work. Ferrari’s golden boy, Charles, is presumably chilling inside his gilded cage (the cage has no lock)(he put himself in the cage and refuses to get out). There doesn’t seem to be any awkwardness. We all know the “Helloooooo Lewis!” that shook the world. i mean, Lewis isn’t gonna shack up with him in that cage, but they’re in pretty good place. Much more outwardly stable than Marc and Pecco. Everyone say thank you Silvia. Lewis and Fred are going bald4bald just like Marc and Gigi are going eyebrow4eyebrow.

but unlike Pecco and Charles, Marc and Lewis were forged in fire. presumably fire straight from hell. experiencing the horrors of being Fernando’s teammate. as a rookie. and having the audacity to beat him. while BALD. And then Marc well. yeah. I’ll leave it at that. Builds character. Makes them certifiable psychopaths. Point is. they’ve got that dawg in them. marc’s dog is a weiner dog, but size doesn’t matter. lewis cosplays his dog on instagram. like I said. psychopath. Sure, Pecco and Charles are crazy, but I’ve yet to see them hit a level of crazy that registers on Lewis and Marc’s crazy bitch Richter scale.

All of that to say, I hope they all bite each other’s dicks off. amen? amen.

[b2cute]

What’s your problem?

rough dom!matt x fem!reader

notes: this is my first smut so please lmk your thoughts!! send any requests ☁️

warnings: obv smut, degrading, pet names, fem receiving, p in v, cover it before you smother it,chocking, slapping, arguing, angst to smut to fluff, i think that’s all

enjoy 😊

word count: 2,460

*y/n’s pov*

*beep beep beep*

the loud sound coming from beside me causes me to jolt up and widen my eyes. i check the time.

3:46 a.m.

i stormed back into matt’s room after an argument we had. nick and i went out for dinner at boa and i came home to a cranky boyfriend that decided to his take anger out on me. instead of fixing the issue, we both agreed to ignore eachother for the rest of the night.

i go on my phone for about 20 minutes before my stomach growled at me. i decided to head over to the kitchen and fix up some cereal.

“look who decided to show their face to world! everyone welcome y/n to earth” matt snarks sitting at the dining table, paralleling the kitchen. i roll my eyes at the comment he made considering chris and nick went to sleepover at madi’s house leaving the house to just us.

“don’t be a brat just because you exhausted yourself in my bedroom.”

again. what is up with these rude comments?

“seriously matthew, can you act normal for 5 fucking seconds? you turned twenty months ago, act like it and quit being immature” i snap. my stomach gurgling louder as i pour cinnamon toast crunch in a bowl. i reach for the milk in the refrigerator and pour it into the bowl as i join matt across the dining room chair he’s sitting in.

silence

i bring my knees up to my chest as i eat the cereal looking up at the light flashing from my hand as i scroll endlessly on my phone. matt continues journaling and i can’t help but notice his veins appearing through his arm as he wrote quickly. his black tank top and gray sweats don’t help my imaginations, but i quickly snap out of them considering he’s being an asshole.

“hmm, so you have an attitude and staring a problem y/n?”

that’s was my final straw. i quickly slam the now empty cereal bowl into the sink and practically sprint upstairs to nicks bedroom and slam the door. i wasn’t going to spend another second with him until he sorted himself out.

i crawled into nicks silk sheets and bring the blanket up to my chest. i stayed in the bedroom with my back turned from the door. i wasn’t crying. i was frustrated. but that’s the thing with matt. he never admits he’s wrong.

*matts pov*

*slam*

she was being such a brat and i don’t even know why. it was like y/n wanted to get me worked up. i had already gotten into a shitty argument with laura and the managing team about the “lack of effort” i put into videos and her attitude made the situation way worse. i gave her a bit of time before i start to head upstairs. i knock on the door, no answer.

i slowly open the door to see y/n on her phone with her airpods in. she glances at me with an expression i cannot read.

did i seriously mess up that bad? i couldn’t have.

“cmon y/n let’s go to my room and sort this out.”

she takes her airpods out and returns them to the case. “okay.” i walk over to the side of the bed and take her forearm as i guide her downstairs, her following my steps. as i open the door to the room she enters, closing the door behind her and locking it.

*y/n’s pov*

we sit on matt’s bed, facing eachother. i could see his angry expression through his face, but he was trying to hide it.

“look y/n i don’t know what’s up with you, but you need to sort it out, okay? i’ve had a bad day already and your nitpicking isn’t making it any better.”

he’s got to be serious.

“my nitpicking?!” i say raising my voice. “from the second i walked into the door you have shown me nothing but disrespect. you’re being ignorant and selfish matt” my eyes burning from the emotions.

“im not the one who locked themselves in my room to avoid the situation now did i, y/n. now you’re going to get rid of that fucking attitude and quit raising your voice or el-“

“or else what?” i snap, raising my voice even higher.

matt lets out a sigh, almost like an “i told you so” breath. “you asked for it.”

before i could process what he meant, his tattooed covered arm reached to my throat and neck, giving it a squeeze. “you want to act like a fucking slut, then you’re going to take me like a fucking slut.” he growls pinning me to the headboard. his eyes were coated black with a small ring of blue. the hunger on his face growing by the second.

*slap*

“answer me slut, how are you going to take it?”

i was so shocked i didn’t know what to say, but i had to admit, i kinda liked it.

another slap.

“like a slut” i whimpered from the stinging on my left cheek.

“good, you’re going to listen to everything i say and don’t even think about cumming with asking me.”

i nod vigorously.

before i can speak, matt’s lip attach to mine quickly. his tounge explores my mouth as he quickly dominates me. he bites on my bottom lip as he slowly moves to my cheek. then my jaw.

soft moans are leaving my mouth as i tug on his brown locks. “fuck matt just like that” i say squeezing my eyes shut. “yea? you like it when i mark you whore?”

i nod quickly. “use your words or i’ll stop” matt growls between kissing my neck. “yes matt i love it”

i was a moaning mess. matt continued to suck, bite, and lick my neck. he left marks that were going to stay for weeks, maybe even longer.

matt quickly disregards his top and not long after comes to rip mine off. “hm, no bra tonight?” matt smirks before taking my right tit to his mouth. he swirls his tounge around and lightly nibbles it while taking the left and pinching my nipple with his long fingers.

“nnngh it feels so good but i need more matt” i whine underneath him. he pauses his movements and look back at me. “such a needy slut y/n” he replies.

before i could say anything else, he pulls me towards him using while hooking his arms underneath my thighs. matt rips my wide legged sweats off leaving me in just my panties. his face was so close to my throbbing pussy that is could feel his warm breaths on my puffy clit.

“you’re soaked y/n” matt growls.

*slap*

his hand slapped my folds. i let out a pornographic moan from the impact. “who does this pussy belong to?” “you matt, all you”

he chuckled through the whimpers i let out and finally takes my panties off. wasting no time, matt comes in contact with my clit and sucks on it so harshly. his hands came up to my tits, pinching and kneading them.

“mm-matt oh MY GOD” i screech. if he kept this up i would orgasm in no time.

matt stops sucking and lets go of my tits only to use one hand to spread my folds out more and the other hand vigorously rubs my clit.

i started to scream. it felt so good. “MATT UMPH SO GOOD” the knot in my stomach begging to release. “please let me cum” i plead getting hungrier by the second.

“go ahead let it out angel” matt says. with that i quickly release all over the sheets, but this doesn’t stop matt from continuing. “too much matt, i can’t tak-“

“whether you like it or not, you’re going to take it slut. you want to keep arguing with me, this is what you get. shouldn’t have got me so worked up y/n” matt argues. i couldn’t say anything as my swollen clit was getting thrown everywhere.

he finally lets go and i quickly close my legs together. my legs were shaking and i had tears rolling down my cheek. suddenly, i feel matt’s arms separate my legs. “did i fucking say i was done?” i nod my head no, slowly but enough to answer his question. “answer my question y/n”

“n-no you did not” i plead, my eyes and face swollen from the tears due to the overstimulation i was receiving. “yea that’s what i thought”

matt sticks his middle and ring finger into my cunt and wastes no time pumping in and out of me. he lowers his head more as he returns to my clit, nibbling and kissing it. “mmph matt” my hands tug at his messy curls. his eye brows were brushed in every direction and his cheeks were painted with a light pink. he continues pumping into me as my back arches. i was on the verge of passing out due to his movements. i felt his fingers curl up and find my sweet spot.

matt continued to hit my g-spot and i felt the familiar knot return. “C-CLOSE” i whisper being worn out. “hold it.” matt snaps. the blue in his eyes completely disappeared. i couldn’t take it anymore, but i didn’t want it to stop.

matt continues to thrust his fingers into my pussy and rub harshly on my clit as i scream. not taking it anymore, i release all over his fingers.

“didn’t i tell you that you couldn’t cum yet?” matt mumbled. “ c-can’t hold any l-longer” i say as my body is worn out. i feel my body go limp as matt removes his fingers out of my pussy. he gets up and shifts so he’s sitting on the bed. i couldn’t open my eyes but i felt his move up again, this time lifting me up. he places me on his desk chair and throws my legs over each arm chair.

“since you can’t follow simple rules like a good girl, you’re going to take it one more time, and if you don’t hold it, well… i can go all fucking night.” matt snarks. i quickly shoot my eyes open in fear. the thought of going all night sounded intriguing, but i couldn’t even handle two orgasms.

i nod slowly at matt’s remarks and feel his swollen lips come in contact with my neck. his kisses were soft, but passionate. i moan softly at the sudden sensation and my hands reach for his hair one more time. matt begins to slide is gray sweatpants off along with his dark blue boxers. his dick is swollen and his tip was a harsh pink shade, leaking with precum.

with one quick touch, matt slips right into me, considering how wet i was. without letting me adjust matt begins to pound into me. one of his hands crept to my throat giving it a light squeeze while the other hand went to my clit once again rubbing and pinching harshly. “AH i’m t-too sensitive!” i scream my hand quickly trailing to matt’s wrist in attempt to move it away from my lower half. i quickly regret the action when matt’s hand squeezes my throat tighter.

“don’t even think about doing that again” matt says as he continues to push in and out of me. “s-sorry i just can’t take a-anymore” i cry. my face was red and the tears were everywhere. “yes you can. you will.” matt says. after a couple minutes of matt’s actions he lets out a groan. “fuck y/n, i’m close” matt says. both his hands come on either side of the desk chair as he pounds into me. the brown haired boys eyes were screwed shut and his eyebrows furrowed. “m-me too” i manage to say using every last bit of energy in me. “can i please cum matt?” i beg. i’ve been holding it since he began thrusting into me. “do you think you deserve it” matt mumbles. i nod my head quickly before he says “go ahead, cum you whore.”

without waiting any further, i release for the third time that night. matt rails me through my high before he finally reaches his climax. he releases long white strings into my as he removes his cock from inside of me.

finally catching my breath, i feel matt’s present leave the room before he comes back in.

*matts pov*

i return to the room with a towel and water for y/n. she was collapsed on the chair, her legs still spread as both our cums we’re seeping out of her. i walk over and clean her up gently. she winces at the touch and grabs my biceps for support. i smirk at her struggle to open her eyes. i smirk at her struggle to open her eyes. she mumbles something but it was almost inaudible. “speak up baby” i say as i begin to change the sheets. “can’t move” is all y/n can get out of her soft lips.

i quickly finish putting the new sheets on and throw the old ones in the wash. i walk over to my drawer and take out a pair of my boxers and a ransom t-shirt for y/n. picking her up gently, i place her on the bed and lift her legs up to skips the boxers on. i lift her back up and her head quickly fad on my chest and i attempt to put the t-shirt over her head. after i dress her up i walk over and change into a new pair of boxer and blue plaid pajama pants. i grab my hair brush and walk over to y/n.

“you’re hairs a mess baby let me brush it” i chuckle. y/n lets out a soft hum as i brush her beautiful hair . once im finished, i put the hairbrush on the nightstand and lift the covers as i pick y/n up and slips her underneath them. i plant a kiss on her forehead before walking onto the other side of the bed and getting in.

after a moment of silence y/n mumbles “does this mean your not mad at me anymore?” i let out a laugh before replying to her. “of course i’m not mad at you baby i couldn’t even if i tried.” with that, i grab y/n and she throws her legs and arms over me. her head was snuggled in the crook of my neck and i leaned my face at the top of her head as i plant a kiss there.

“my sweet girl, get some rest my love”

taglist: (comment here to be on it)

@mattsleftnipple03 @ilovemenwithlonghairr @mangoposts @guccifrog @lovingmattysposts @sturnioloenthusiast @lolasturniolo @sophssturn @sstvrnioloo @n00dl3zzz

[poemsfor-her]

GLOW UP QUIDE 𖹭⠀࣭⠀ֹ⠀͡꒱

I. THE INNER ME

— When you think of the word "glow up" , your mind automatically thinks of changing your appearence, right? For me the beauty is in our soul. If you think nasty and degrading thoughts of yourself that can be damaging in so many ways.

let's get some things clear here:

First of all, beauty standards always change, as trends come and go, and you will never be enough "pretty" for someone; because beauty is subjective and you might be the dream person for someone and for someone not. which is ok! there are so many beautiful flowers. i personally perfer tulips and peonies, but someone might prefer roses or sunflowers. that doesn't make a flower less beautiful because every flower is beautiful in it's own way.

— do you know yourself? we spend so much time trying to know others, but do we even know ourselves? go on pinterest and find some questions to ask yourself. here are some:

1. what qualities do i like about myself?

2. what qualities of others do i admire?

3. what am i scared of?

4. what would i like my mornings to look like?

5. who inspires me?

if someone asks me any of these questions i would answer them all in a second, because i know myself.

— SHADOW WORK. Grab a pen and a journal, go on pinterest and search "shadow work prompts". I Personally, don't know much about this subject, but i know it's talked about by many people i look up to. It helped them heal from trauma.

some videos i suggest you watch that helped me so much in changing my mindset:

why you'll never be pretty enough - zoe unlimited.

you don't need to glow up, our obssesion with glow up culture needs to STOP.

tiktok is DESTROYING YOUR IDENTITY.

what type of pretty you are.

— I suggest watching every commentary video of zoeunlimited. Her videos changed my views on various topics.

II. THERE IS NOTHING TO CHANGE

— you are perfect just the way you are. embrace yourself. there is only one you in this world. many women look the same to me these days and it's a tiring and sad thing. Everyone is following the standard that is going to probably change in a month. As Hwasa said "I am my own beauty standard" and thank you Hwasa for that!

Embrace your features, look for makeup that suits your face shape and eyes. I know that eyeliner doesn't work with my eyes so i don't apply it. I also know that a lot of bronzer doesn't suit me.

Wear whatever you like and don't be afraid to express yourself.

When it comes to exercising, ALWAYS DO IT FOR YOURSELF. Think of it as: "My body deserves to be healthy"

strech when you wake up, do yoga, workout or go for a walk/run. whatever you like!

eat healthy but don't pressure yourself too much. have it balanced. you can eat a healthy meal but that doesn't mean you can't eat a cake. BALANCE IS EVERYTHING.

my favorite fitness youtubers:

lily sabri

yoga with bird

mady morrison

emi wong

III. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

— if you follow my posts you know how much i respect and talk about education and it's importance. As my favorite saying goes "BEAUTY IS DANGEROUS, BUT INTELLIGENCE IS LETHAL." I stand by this!!!! READ BOOKS, FOCUS ON YOUR STUDYING, WRITE, PAINT, LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE AND DRAW.

here are some book suggestions:

i who have never known men

the great gatsby

the prophet

my body

the art of war

search some famous musicians or artists and get to know their work. i seriously find this so attractive.

watch documentaries.

watch news, read articles and just generally know what is happening in the world.

get to know your country's history.

watch some iconic movies.

beauty fades, but knowledge always stays.

that's it! if you have some questions send me an ask ♡

with love, t

[xaviersknight]

list of little scenarios I've thought of. some of these I've posted before, some of these are inspired by convos with friends:

xavier finding out about delia's fear of fire in the dumbest way possible: him setting the kitchen on fire. and also finding out she's been hiding it from him all this time bc she wants to teach him how to cook. also she's deathly worried about him getting hurt.

entirely madi's fault but: xavier is forced to use wires for his stunts in the lumiere movie and ends up dangling upside down -> spiderman kiss.

above is later followed by xavier lying on the couch and getting a 2nd spiderman kiss, as xavier with his hoodie, bc he's a jealous dummy.

xavier pressing some of the flowers she gave him for valentine's as a little keepsake. delia finding them and getting ridiculously emotional about it.

delia loves the simple but she's also always like thinking up elaborately cheesy things to do for or with him, she simply finds it fun and loves to know she has the room to even do those things. she wouldn't do anything to make him uncomfortable, she's just happy not to be judged for being too much or showing her love too much.

much to xavier's chagrin she would make him watch chick flicks.

this is a little bit of a what if, since her journals are so personal to her, I wonder if she'd ever show him one or at least one entry featuring him.

she tries to teach him a bit of spanish, it actually backfires bc how can he be that good at pronunciation? (he practiced secretly to try and impress her / it worked)

[puppygirlgirldick]

if you're in the USA and your eyes aren't on LA right now they fucking well should be

[twopigeonsfucking]

InZOI and The LGBTQIA+ Community

Disclaimer: This is not an attack on anyone involved here, and I really hope nobody else attacks them. Madi was nothing but helpful, and I’m sure the creators of inZOI aren’t being deliberate here. A summary of this article is at the bottom of it.

Background

Sims 4 and Expression

The Sims 4 may not be the favourite game in a long-running franchise, but it’s clearly got one thing right; Gender Expression and Sexuality. Although the game was originally built on a binary system, you could marry same-sex couples, and now with a recent patch, you can express a diverse gender range. They are actively working on being inclusive, and that’s great!

The Competition

A long list of coming-up competitors to the Sims features Paralives, Life by You, and now inZOI. It jumped up very recently, yet it is planned to release in late 2024, although it seems near finished now. It looks, and I don’t say this lightly, amazing. The graphics are stunning. The gameplay seems fun. It is one of the best competitors in a long time. But, in their own trailers, one thing seemed missing.

LGBTQIA+ People and inZOI

The inZOI marketing campaign is HEAVY. It’s almost unavoidable. One user now has access to an early copy, acottonsock is their username on YouTube. Madi’s been making videos for 3 years, something surprisingly impressive. They are a unique breed of Sims YouTuber now, as they do not appear to make ANY Sims 4 content, instead focusing on 2 and 3. Sims 2 and 3 do allow same sex relationships, however they do not allow any diverse gender options. 

This is a bit of an odd choice in terms of inZOI’s marketing team as, although Madi is honestly a great creator, and I do actually plan on watching some of her non-inZOI content, they’re not the most popular Sims YouTuber. There are an expansive number, but I am being honest when I say that inZOI could’ve reached a much greater audience by catering to someone like Plumbella, Vixella, or lilsimsie, who definitely would’ve been down to do it. 

I must admit, I’m glad they didn’t choose one of them. InZOI has made a deliberate move here, and it has calculated risks and benefits. One of the benefits of choosing Madi is the mutual benefit. Madi gains more followers, and inZOI gets to showcase their game. 

I posed 2 questions in my email to Madi, “Can ZOIs engage in same-sex relationships, or any LGBTQIA+ relationships?” and “Can ZOIs be anything other than Cisgender Male and Females?”

Madi responded openly and willingly, and I must admit that not watching the four hour livestream was partial bad journalism, but I didn’t have the time to do anything but a skim. This is wonderful, as Same-Sex Relationships appear to be receiving love in inZOI, but I fear that the gender expression beyond a binary system is sorely lacking, and unless they add it soon I don’t think they will ever be featured in inZOI.

Summary

InZOI is a notable competitor the Sims franchise, and it does feature same-sex relationships, but unfortunately the ability to have beyond the binary system of Gender is sorely lacking. I really hope that something can be done to combat this, before the games release in late 2024. I fear that if it's not, it will be too late.

[hotdamnmadison]

Well geez. A year sure does fly by pretty quick, huh?

I feel a bit rusty - haven't blogged, journal'd, or yelled from a rooftop in quite a long time. Try and stick around for the ride (if you're reading this... or maybe I'm writing it for myself).

For those of you who care to doomscroll - you'll see that I took a hiatus from Tumblr, and from a lot of things. I wrote a pinned post (since swapped for this one), detailing all of the things I intended on working on. Finances, Mental State, Physical State, and Sexual Frustrations.... Here is how I made out.

Number one: I wasn't careful enough with my other self and unfortunately I was caught red handed at the beginning of this year. It got pretty messy and I've essentially tossed out my fem side. the 60/40 split male to female is now 100% male. No more panties, no more wigs.... all gone... more on this later (though if you disappear now I wouldn't blame you).

Finances - ugh... up and down. Currently down but never count me out. I won't bore anyone with the deets. Just know that my job relies heavily on my activity and effort. And I've dumped a ton of time into it. I am hoping to see the fruits of that labor very soon.

Mentally - Day by day I think. Today - not great. When I'm doing the things that I enjoy doing I'm obviously distracted and life is manageable. Pressures from work, bills, money, blah blah blah. Typically human stuff.

Physically - probably the only real bit of good news is in this section. No alcohol since early March, and fuck me has it been hard. Multiple weddings, parties, holidays, and free days where I could've bought a 12 pack or bottle if I really wanted to. But I didn't. And I haven't. And I won't. I've been running, exercising, and even competing a bit. I'm not binge drinking every day, and my body thanks me for it. Sleeping better. Waking up earlier. Not hungover all the time. Feels good.

Sexually - Yeah, again to reiterate the above I got busted stashing clothes and experimenting. Truthfully, it could've gone worse - but it was still ugly nonetheless. I'm really not experimenting at all these days. But every now and then - the days of old slip back into my mind. Hence why I logged back in today. I remember the parts of "madi" that I enjoyed (not the booze, not the secrecy)... I just loved being someone else for a while.

All in all - I'm alive and well for those who care to inquire. I had a lot of big plans back in December of last year. And honestly, I'm heading in the right direction for a lot of those goals... I'm not quite there yet. But I feel like I'm progressing little by little. And that has to count for something.

I felt semi guilty signing on and writing this - because it felt like sexual relapse. But as I'm writing and the thoughts are pouring out, I realized something. I'm allowed to have a fucking journal - and I'm allowed to have a private blog. I'm allowed to have a safe space. And I'm allowed to be here.

This doesn't mean I'm going to be super active on here, but I may sign on and enjoy my blog every now and again. Maybe relive some old posts, discussions, and see how may of you goobers are still active. Maybe I'll see how much of what I used to say and do I still actually agree with. Or maybe I'll be gone for another year. To be honest I really don't have a clue. And that's fine.

One day at a time, Madi. One day at a time. ❤️

[lexa-griffins]

I adored every single backstory behind why farm Lexa pressed each flower in her journal 🥹 I really loved the small detail you added of how her handwriting evolved over time from a nervous teenager to a grandma. You're such an amazing writer lovely 💕

There are so much more flowers pressed in that journal than the ones I've talked about. There's a whole life lived in those pressed flowers that might seem almost ordinary to some people. There are no flowers there from big travels, no flowers from grand gestures of love.

But they are the flowers that colored her life.

The ones Clarke gifted her with a smile on her face that made Lexa melt, the ones her babies would place on her lap with tiny hands and a "he'e mommy!". Its the flowers that bloom when her children are born and the ones they love the most, is the flowers from Saige's wedding bouquet and the ones Skie had in his pocket when his wife walked down the aisle. Its the flower Madi had on her hair when her and her wife when to the registry office to signed their marriage papers. Is the flowers in purple white yellow and black that Willow gives Lexa when they came out as non binary. Is the mess of flowers Aden asks Lexa to help him with so he can ask a boy out.

The flowers when Saige tells them she's pregnant. The small bouquet Lexa arranges for when they meet their step grandson.

When Fish passes away.

The flowers Clarke still gets her from the market at 60, the same daisies she offered her when they were 16.

And the hand writing is a reflection on that. Of a woman growing and living. In her last entry her hand was so shaky you can barely read what it says.

Clarke knows tho. The petals that are stuck to the page are from the last rose Clarke gave her. Which means Lexa got off from the bed when she was already weak just so she could press and keep the very last flower her wife ever gave her. Clarke thought Lexa had barely seen the red rose but seeing it there.

Lexa loved her until her last breath :')

(Thank you so much 🥺🩷🩷🩷🩷)

[skynapple]

I'm sooo tired but good tired. Spent all day with my 3 younger sisters dress shopping for K's graduation. It was a very long fulfilling day.

I look down on myself for not being "enough" as an oldest sister but today I kinda got to play the one that I wanted when I was growing up. Driving them over an hour away to the special mall she wanted to go to, paying for things, buying them trinkets they were going to buy themselves, buying them ice cream, took them on the toll road just to hear them "ohh wowww what? we're driving on this road?" like it was some special occasion, I bought us matching socks. It was fun.

I think maybe enough isn't the right word, but fulfilled. I felt fulfilled today.

[manifesting-life]

Today was great!! So many fun things happened!!

My art class was super easy. I swear my creativity just skyrockets every day. I got compliments from nearly everyone on this piece. I'm so proud of it.

My journalism teacher (Ms. A) basically let me handle the new students since she trusts me. I was so, so confident and didn't stutter a single syllable. Ms. A didn't even correct me on anything since I completely understand all journalistic concepts!! Madi complimented my hair, too! I mean, she did give me her hair care routine lol but I don't really follow it. My hair is naturally this smooth and shiny.

Lunch was absolutely delicious. Super healthy, too. I started wanting to eat healthier earlier this year, and my mom decided to oblige! I feel so good and energized now.

Science and math are coming easy to me now. I don't think I have been confused since February; I genuinely think I could be the smartest in the grade. Well, I might as well be because of my killer ACT score. I thought I wouldn't like having my banner up on the walls, but it's actually pretty cool!

DE is easy, too. Mr. LA definitely gives me favoritism because of my constant inquiries. Ms. D probably loves me too; I mean, every assignment I turn in to her is 100%. All of my grades are high A's. I'm so happy.

I got multiple compliments in the hall today!! And also from people in my class!!! Even guys, which is a surprise. They told me how beautiful I am, how my face is so symmetrical and clear, how my eyes are so bright and amber, how my height makes me look like a model, and how my style is impeccable. Plus, I swear my clothes are getting bigger and bigger by the second. My waist is so thin, and I honestly think a feather would weigh more than me.

Really, life is going great for me right now. I couldn't be happier.

[the-pyrate-lords]

Black Sails / Treasure Island Middleloge

So. between Black Sails and Treasure Island, Flint's crew is disbanded, Silver gets a parrot, Billy gets off the island, Flint dies at Savannah, his last words being 'Darby MacGraw, Fetch aft the rum' and Ben Gunn, with knowlege of these, last words, is marooned again. Here are my headcanons

Silver visits Flint and gives him a parrot as a gift, he is reunited with Thomas and is adjusting, so, no hard feelings, he names the bird 'Captain Flint' in mockery.

Silver and Madi open a bar 'The Spyglass' and take up smuggling on the British coast. (in TI Flints old crew use a lugger to ransack the Benbow Inn and escape Squire Trelawny's men. lugger's were popular smuggling craft and it seems a logical step. for a retired pirate with an Inn)

At Some point, Billy and Ben Gunn make it off Skeleton Island

Billy bargains or threatens Flint to aquire the map, Flint calls for "Darby McGraw" to fetch aft the rum to finish the business. The Map in the book even has a notation that "Given above JF to Billy Bones mate on the Walrus" while Billy's journal mentions that "At Savannah Flint Got it."

Billy Also possibly Kills Flint after the deal is complete as revenge

Darby McGraw is either some kid Flint adopted giving him his real name, or an alias he gave Thomas, who took Flints real name in marriage, McGraw

Silver returns to Skeleton Island to try and track down Flint's treasure at Ben Gunn's urging but maroons him upon losing patience. Its possible these events are shortly after the series close and Silver becomes a Pirate Captain.

Rackham (still at large) operates out of Skeleton Island, with Max and Featherstone in charge of Nassau, and piracy being done on the Sly, hard currency is stashed on the island by his crew, (in the Book there is a LOT of coinage)

Billy escapes Silver's wrath and hides out at the Benbow Inn, with Silver finding out too late about the deal and Flint's murder. He is possibly tricked, and then betrayed by Billy

[runawayballista]

“madi it’s august, isn’t that a little late for an april start planner” better late than never lately i’ve really missed personal journaling and have been struggling to find a way back to it and my friend showed me her techo this weekend and it looks perfect and i am not waiting 3 months to start just because some time has already passed!!!!

[road2nf]

When I entered Nerdfighteria, I realized that it isn’t impossible for me to be a novelist. I can do it and be successful. I told my parents, and they think I am going through a phase.

My best friend introduced me to the Vlogbrothers and it’s helped us bond more.

The Vlogbrothers have made me more aware of a lot of things that go on in the world.

The Vlogbrothers make intellectual and relatable videos also mixing humor in.

And both Hank and John are just plain awesome.

They’ve inspired me to do something in the world and end world suck.

John has also ruined my life by writing The Fault in Our Stars. In a good way though, if that makes sense. The Vlogbrothers videos have also led me to think deeper about a lot of things.

They do so many things that inspire and influence people in so many things. I really want to grow up and inspire people just like the Vlogbrothers have inspired me.

The Vlogbrothers just mean so much to me in so many ways that I can’t explain. Well that’s all I can really say. Sorry it’s not that great.

Forgive me for that. DFTBA! Okay? Okay.

-Blade

____________________________________________________________

John and Hank Green have changed my life completely.

Not only have they provided me with hilarious and informative videos.

Not only has John Green given me stories to read late at night.

But, they changed my life.

Before joining Nerdfighteria, I was very lost and very boring to the outside world.

Inside were fantasies, stories, and thoughts that were different than the stereotypical “status quo.” With Nerdfighteria, I realized I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only one to challenge the way everyone else thought. I was a part of a special community of unique individuals, who were not afraid to openly admit that they were nerds.

I love that!

I have read all of John’s books, seen all of the Vlogbrothers videos, and I am passing biology with Hank’s help.

I want to be a novelist when I grow up, but I always hid it , because everyone expected me to be a doctor. I hid in books and my journals.

When I entered Nerdfighteria, I realized that it isn’t impossible for me to be a novelist. I can do it and be successful. I told my parents, and they think I am going through a phase.

Many would be hurt by the lack of support, but me, I turned to Nerdfighteria.

I found support from people I didn’t know.

That filled the gap made by my parents’ and friends’ lack of believing in me.

Thank you John, Hank, and all of Nerdfighteria.

You helped me see the real me (:

DFTBA

-Madi (Nerdfighter187.tumblr)

[btsofbeauty]

📄 “A Whiter Shade of Pale”: Whiteness, Female Beauty Standards, and Ethical Engagement Across Three Cultures

This academic article takes a deeper look at how beauty standards are shaped by whiteness. It really breaks down the way Eurocentric features like light skin, straight hair, and narrow facial features are still viewed as the "ideal" in many parts of the world. For women of color, this creates a sense of exclusion and can lead to feelings of inadequacy. The article also explores the idea of “transracial transformation” which is when people try to change their appearance to look closer to these ideals. But it points out how even when people try to challenge or blur racial lines through beauty, the system still benefits whiteness. I think this source is super important because it connects beauty standards to bigger issues like systemic racism and cultural erasure. It helped me see that beauty standards aren't just made up of nothing. They have a lot to do with power systems and old ideas about race and identity.

Mady, Samia, Dipayan Biswas, Christian A. Dadzie, Ronald Paul Hill, and Rajesh Paul. 2023. “A Whiter Shade of Pale: Whiteness, Female Beauty Standards, and Ethical Engagement Across Three Cultures.” Journal of International Marketing 31(1):69–89. https://doi.org/10.1177/1069031X221112642