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making an impromptu return to tumblr to do what i do best: rant in the tags
#im in my second year of teaching#and in ways that are profoundly different from my first year#my second year has been very hard#but its not the students its not the classes its the adults i have to work with#and if someone did not tell me we only 40 school days left i would have lost all hope#for anxious reasons i can't really go into detail why i feel this way but teaching truly is a thankless job#and even though that is true i do have some teachers who really changed me in so many ways#and today i went to a celebration of life for one who made a world of difference for me#he was my professor and advisor but i just remember him as being my friend#i think back at the first time i met him and you never know how much someone means to you until you lose them#our first encounter involved me crying and bleeding and freaking out that i just made a decision to be a teacher#and that there is no way i can reverse this#and when i visited him a week before he went into hospice he told me what a lasting impression i left on him#i hope he knows what a lasting impression he left on me#i've always been a flaky person and i took a lot of pride for a long time in the fact that i didn't have someone to call a best friend#whenever i drifted away from someone i was always able to make peace with it so easily#i wasn't a wallflower but i never thought i needed people#but to have someone like him who was always reaching out and checking in and went the extra mile to build community#it made me realize how much i want to be there for people too#i learned that the night i visited him and the last time i saw him was one of his favorite nights and that it meant to so much to him#i hope he knows it meant even more to me
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ENOUGH WITH THE REBOOTS AND SPIN OFFS ENOUGGGHHHHH
#first of all why is it always teen shows that they reboot like what for#second of all can anyone name a single reboot that was equally as good and popular as the original#only one I can think of that I would say was as good was 90210 but even that’s up for debate#but the gossip girl reboot? a train wreck from start to finish idk what they were thinking#the pll reboot had slightly more positive reception but even that came and went#compared to the crazy hype the og had. and keep in mind the og was terrible#but I could see the incentive to reboot both of these shows cause people were neither satisfied with the conclusion#of gossip girl nor pretty liars… but one tree hill? why on earth would you reboot one tree hill?#personally I find one tree hill boring but I know for most people that’s like the gold standard of tv#so why would you go and add more to something people were satisfied with#sure you get the hype but you’re also gonna be subject to so much more backlash if it doesn’t meet the originals standards#and one tree hill set the bar PRETTY FUCKING HIGH#if they wanted it to just be about another generation at tree hill high well fine I guess I mean just go and make your own show#do I see the necessity in calling it a reboot? no like just make your own show about two half siblings on a basketball team#but fine let’s call it that. however putting Peyton and Brooke in it means you’re going to basically ruin their character arcs#like there’s no way Lucas and Julian are coming back so you’re already gonna turn a lot of people away#and the elephant in the room is that most people are concerned about the Woke aspect#what I’ve seen in the past is that these reboots start off trying really hard to be politically correct to demonstrate how#it’s a different time now and things have changed#but I think they misunderstand how much modern audiences hate this? and let me make it clear I don’t have a problem with a show being h#socially aware. it’s that the way these reboots handle it is SO heavy handed and unsubtle#there’s just no nuance about it no actual depth it feels… tokenizing?? that’s not the right word#but like they just throw it in there like it’s a box to check before they forget about all of it#but not before you’ve alienated your audience#anyways this will be bad let’s enjoy!
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Heyy, I got my first job. As for the HMT video, it's been years but I keep chickening out. I guess I'm too nervous about putting it out there, lol. Good to hear from you though!
Congratulations!!!! Welcome to the job force 🫡 hopefully it’s better than the US’s lol. and whenever you’re ready to put it out there I’ll be tuning in 😁
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Also, I ❤️ you! I'm so glad you're back!
I 💗 you too bae and as always I’m happy to come back to tumblr for more rants in the tags
#lol the first year of teaching was nuts 😭#just imagine a year where everyday is your first time doing something#which is exciting but also nerve wracking there was a lot that happened that you just cant prepare for#I just had to react in the immediate moment and pray I made the right decision#and if I didn’t it meant I needed to get it right the second time#anyways it’s the summer now and I’m off for another month 🥳#inshallah my second year will be easier and I’ll be more confident
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Hey, it's HMT anon here. Regarding your Kamala things, I really wanted to tell you that I support you and I feel you. That's it. I also feel like in essence democracy has lost its point, if you can't even vote for what you stand for. I'm not even American, I'm South African, but I hope you guys are okay. It just seems like constant disappointment.
HIIIIIII I MISSED YOU 🫶🏼 where have you been? how are you? what are you up to and what are you into now??? it’s good to have you back omg 🫂
And I appreciate that somebody understands the point I’m trying to make. Like how many times will we keep sitting through the same cycle of voting for “the lesser of two evils” until we realize they’re the same and neither will stop the world from literally burning for a few dollars!!!! And thank you for the well wishes but honestly Americans are like the last group of people who need it.
Anyways I hope you’re doing well and I’d love to chat about whatever you’ve got going on 😁
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it's not about waiting for someone else to vote the movement's NOT going to gain traction because of a couple dozen people saying "vote green!" a couple months before every election and doing nothing beyond that 😭😭 yes the democracy's broken and people SHOULD be able to vote for whoever represents their value's the best but until supporters of other parties make an effort to promote their candidates that won't matter. the outcome this year is obviously either red or blue; wanting moral points is great and all but idk how throwing my vote away is better than just voting red/blue while publicly advocating for green or whoever so they receive enough recognition to really run and be acknowledged by 2028 😭 the two party system not going anywhere overnight let's be serious
but how do you know supporters of the green party are "doing nothing beyond that?" how do you know that green party voters aren't trying to get the movement to gain traction? and isn't one way to encourage a movement to gain traction by convincing people to vote green?
its not about wanting moral points. its about the fact that i am not going to enable bad people to get into power and when you compromise your own values and vote for them, you are actively sending the message that you will support them no matter what. how will you convince them to change when you're simultaneously guaranteeing your blind loyalty to them?
if you can't vote for what you actually believe in and are constantly sacrificing your values, then consider your vote thrown away. the entire purpose of democracy is undermined and you've made no difference.
the two party system will not go away over night but i want you to consider which perspective is more open to changing that -- mine or yours?
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MOVING ON i am reading mad honey at the moment
#im intrigued by it its giving BOY MOM DA BOOK#its about this woman named olivia and her teenage son asher and their life after she escapes her abusive marriage#and asher starts dating a girl named lily (who also happens to have an abusive/absent father)#and lily is murdered and asher becomes a suspect in the murder basically forcing olivia to face that her son is more like his dad#than she thought#theres also this major twist which SPOILER ALERT is that Lily is a transgender girl#and shes estranged from her father cause he didn't accept her transition. anways now poor lily is dead but the book takes us back#to her childhood and what led to her transition and the moment she became estranged from her father#its honestly sad#i spoiled it for myself cause early on i felt myself losing interest so i needed to know what happened to keep going#and the twist in the book just didn't interest me this time#not that lily is transgender but the way the narrative proved that asher was not actually abusive and did not kill her#it just wasn't that plausible to me#also that it was her best friend maya that killed her idk usually the twists make more sense to me and this one just didn't have that
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well i mean that's just the breaks. it sucks that the us' support for isn'treal runs so deep in its current system, but if i voted for green or any third party i might as well not vote at all right? they just can't win if most voters don't even know the candidates' names that's common sense. tbh i wish y'all didn't only advocate for these parties when it's already time to vote 😭😭 but maybe if ppl start talking abt them NOW for the 2028 election things could change around here
if your concern is more about wanting your vote to count and not it representing your values, it goes to show how broken democracy is in this country. also if we all keep waiting for someone else to vote green the movement will never gain traction you know that right its important to me that you know that
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like i WOULD vote for green but until people actually start popularizing its candidates BEFORE election year so the vote's not worthless imma just stick to red and hope for the best
ah yes you don't want your vote to be worthless so you vote for genocide that makes sooooo much sense thank you
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i was gonna vote for kamala but you're kinda right. my family's been on the fence abt it but i think i can just convince them to vote for trump with the points you mentioned
if your take away is to vote for trump after i very clearly spelled out that i am against the genocide in palestine and any and all right wing policies then you're an idiot what can i tell you
#can't even respond to any of the points i made. you just went “well if she said we can't vote for kamala then we must vote for trump >:(”#where'd i say that pls tell me anon
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everyone jumping to team kamala we will never experience true freedom in this country
#the democrats would vote for fucking hitler if he was a nice guy im convinced#allow me to break down this silly little “you can't focus on morals people's lives are at risk we have to vote blue to stop trump!!!” thing#first of all people's livelihoods are still at risk even when there is a democrat as president#did you forget about the immigration bill biden and harris signed? or you know a fucking genocide#and if people's livelihoods are at risk then shouldnt we vote with out morals? and you know not for the dems who are famously pro genocide#what is the point of voting if you can't vote for who you actually believe in?#and besides this what in this country was actually accomplished through voting? 99% of the progress made was done through violent resistanc#the only reason shit even made the ballot was because people showed they wouldn't accept things the way they are#which is exactly what you are doing if you vote for kamala harris AKA BIDEN'S FUCKING RIGHT HAND MAN#and you just sound like an extremely selfish person if genocide is not your red line#it just sounds like youre saying “yes they murdered palestinians in gaza :( BUT WHAT ABOUT US AMERICANS!!!!”#as if the democratic party has done anything to protect americans anyways. like my job as a voter is not to get the democrats elected#to mitigate damage caused by republicans. that is the fucking democrats job. it is their job to make me want to vote for them#and until they stop massacring men women and children in gaza they will never get my vote#the democrats could openly announce themselves as extreme bigots towards anyone that isn't a cishet rich white man (which they have before)#and you stupid asses will still tell us to vote for them. how evil do they have to be for you to finally consider another option?#and everyone else in the world gets to have other options but america noooo in america we can only have two parties or else you die#and when a democrat is elected and they send another 1 billion to israel i hope youre prepared to live with the blood on your hands#YOU WANTED THIS YOU ENABLED THIS YOU VOTED FOR THIS#the reality you won't face is that there are more options and you could vote for them but none of you are willing to take that risk#yet youre willing to risk the lives of palestinians the lives of transwoman the lives of every person that bitch threw into prison#you people are so hooked on stopping trump (the democrats meaner twin) youre willing to sacrifice everything you stand for#to elect someone who is just as bad as him but is “polite” while they do it. the democrats will never feel pressure to shift to the left#as long as you idiots continue to accept their move to the right. why should they stop the genocide in palestine when youve proven#you'd vote for them no matter what?#no one’s life improved from trump to biden and the same will be true for kamala but you can keep telling yourself they aren’t the same#i’ll be voting green bc that is what i believe in inshallah you grow a spine and do the same until we’re free from these two satanic partie#and dont tell us youll protest after she's elected what would the point be???#youve shown you'd put her in power no matter why should she respond to the pressure?
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back into my reading grind colleen hoover you will go to hell
#ive never read one of her books#but upon learning that it ends with us is about a woman named lily blossom bloom who also happens to be a florist i knew it wasn't for me#now i often find myself on the fence about the “its okay to read bad books as long as theyre entertaining” crowd#cause for me a bad book tends to not be entertaining#see i already find romance novels to be boring so obv this isn't gonna be for me#but on top of that the writing is just plain bad#like i love to read a book back and put my analytical thinking cap on cause it gives a whole new meaning to everything#but i don't think hoover has thought that far#shes purely in it to romanticize domestic abuse which is already icky but she does it with no nuance on the subject#i think the reason why she is so popular is because the way our society romanticizes DV we tell young girls this shit is sexy#so when an author comes along and sells that narrative the birds will flock to read it#im just annoyed cause now the market is populated with carbon copies of her shit books#and no one writes books for the conflict anymore its all about the relationship dynamic and the character archetype#which is not what i do when i want to read a book#like idgaf if theres a bad boy x good girl romance what makes a relationship interesting is the conflict the characterization the setting#a trope alone does not sell and yet here we are in this age where no one reads for the plot
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obsessed with the way the republican party’s two biggest platforms (pro police and anti gun control) literally led to its presidential candidate getting shot at
#now let me make it clear here and now for the feds i express no violent thoughts or intentions#i am merely critiquing the internal contradictions of the GOP and the consequences of their own beliefs#anyways it’s just very ironic like those old bastards are always talking about how we need more guns in this country#and that the police will protect us and now that’s finally catching up to them#they let a teenager with a gun into the premise there was no good guy with a gun to stop him and the police were as usual fucking cowards#if the democrats were smart they’d be using the shit out of this in their campaign and to pass some bipartisan bill#cause you know the GOP is scared that it’s gonna be one of them next#but alas that party is ran by a bunch of center right buffoons who’s only platform is getting elected#also the way the media can’t seem to figure out what this kids angle was#like you’re in the school rifle association but you fucking suck at it#you donate to the democratic party and then you register as a republican#you’re bullied in school SO YOU SHOOT THE PRESIDENT????#now the bullied in school narrative is so redundant when it comes to white male violence#but the theory that makes the most sense to me is that he was depressed and he wanted a way of going out while still being remembered#why he chose trump as his target when he fits the bill for a trump supporter idk why
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read this book called some girls are 3/5 stars would recommend if you enjoy being angry
#now major trigger warning for attempted rape#the book is about this girl named Regina who’s apart of this popular clique of mean girls#and at a party the queen bee (Anna’s) boyfriend attempts to rape Regina#and rather than believe her all of Regina’s friends turn against her instead and basically bully the shit out of her#all the while Regina is slowly learning what it’s like to be unpopular and bullied like all of the people she herself bullied for years#now I like it when a book makes me angry on the behalf of the characters and this book succeeded at that#it was infuriating at times to see the main character deal with injustice after injustice#but honestly I love it when I’m just as angry about what’s happening as the characters themselves#my one thing about this book is that the ending is so abrupt and easily solvable#like all it took for the bullying to stop was that she just go to the principal and poof problem fixed!#and it’s just ridiculous that it never occurred to the main character to report it to the principal until the end#as well as that the bullies could be stopped that easily#tw rape#tw rape mention#tw sexual assault#tw attempted sexual assault#tw sa
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HELLO EVERYONE
#guess who made it out of their first year of teaching alive 🙋🏻♀️#you guys don’t understand how relieved I am that this school year is over 😭#now don’t get me wrong I’m coming back for my second year and overall I’d say it was a positive experience#but at the same time everyday felt like an uphill battle#until the fucking end#I’ll be honest I still deal with a lot of confidence issues#and now that I’ll be in my second year there’s more pressure to improve and less room for mistake#which I can deal with I hope idk I’m trying not to think of year 2 but it can’t be worse than year 1 cause at the very least I understand#the basic operations of the building and can now confidently tell a student no when I need to draw a boundary#one thing I didn’t realize about schools and call me naive is the drama between the teachers#I swear these teachers act like high schoolers more than actual high schoolers#and I’ve made mistakes but there’s such a pervasive culture of gossip and unprofessionalism that just doesn’t exist in other workplaces#anyways ALHAMDULILAH my first year is over the whole thing is just one long hazing ritual
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Second month of teaching down I am officially a jaded being
#if September was just anxiety and being lost and working myself like a horse#then October was just being annoyed and not caring and still working myself like a horse#this job is so 😑#the amount of bullshit you’re dealing with is ridiculous#everyday is just make it to 2:00 / make it to the weekend / make it to the holiday / make it to break#and constantly waiting for time to pass is not the way I wanted to live my life#on the bright side I’ve developed a lot more confidence and less nerves#I feel a lot more comfortable with discipline now and less upset when students are being mean#but those insecurities are unfortunately still really strong#I don’t know I just had such strong rapport with students when I was student teaching/interning#and it’s been such an uphill battle trying to build that here#it makes me constantly wonder?? AM I UNLIKABLE????#especially cause one teacher who I work with CONSTANTLYYY is so utterly good at building rapport#that the comparisons make it feel so fucking stark#what I have been told by the other teachers in the building is that I am too hard on myself#and I concentrate too much on the negatives#but I just feel like every compliment is FAKE! A LIE! UNTRUE!#YOU ARE JUST SAYING THIS TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER FUCK YOU!#and while I like being the youngest/smallest/extremely young looking teacher is that all of the veterans like to look out for me#but I worry that I come off as naive/stupid/easy to walk all over
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it’s been a hard first month yall 😕
#SIGHHHHH#now true followers know what I mean but I had my first month of teaching#and calling it hard is an understatement#like the bar exam is hard training for the olympics is hard#this is like both of those things but if both of your hands were tied#I feel like I’m working constantlyyyy and the work life balance feels so nonexistent#and I feel like it’s something that I shouldn’t accept cause no job should be expecting that much#but also I have no choice because wtf else am I supposed to do about the millions of things that need to be done#but even with that it’s just I’m not enjoying it and that’s the one thing that would have kept me going 😕#I enjoyed student teaching and internship but those were vastly different experiences#I know my cooperating teacher played a huge role in me having a positive experience during ST and I used to wonder if I would still like it#without her and I think I’m truly not happy on my own#I see now how much of the heavy lifting she truly did to make me feel like I had a balance in this job so now that’s it’s just me#it’s been like whiplash. like I was able to build strong rapport and have good classroom management through her#and the management has been such a struggle. not as much of a problem with my upperclassmen#but I have these two lower classmen classes that drive me insane#see I went to school to teach English but this particular class is like a community/study skills/intro to hs class#and the students hate it and I do too 😭 the work is not rigorous and frankly it’s boring#and the annoyance with the class is being projected onto me. but no matter how hard I try to make things interesting#the refusal is so blatant like GODDDD WHY DO I EVEN TRY?#I enjoy my English classes so much more cause a) it’s what I went to school for#b) the kids have a much easier time seeing the importance of English + the rigor vs this fucking class#I wanna reach out to you a few of my own mentors just to hear their thoughts on what I should do + other options#cause if you asked me right now I would say that the moment it turns june I would immediately resign#idk I’ve thought about it nonstop and maybe it’s just the specific classes or the subject maybe it’s the school but I’m not happy 😕#and as sad as that makes me feel to say out loud it also feels kind of good to not be in denial about it
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